#very much on theme to resent a thing (control) in everyday spaces but desire the inverse in the bedroom/forbidden spaces as a way to explor

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.

[astrologytingzz]

Describing Every Zodiac Sign: From An Aquarius

Aries - Now we all know our Aries.They are a fire sign and they are passionate, motivated, and highly confident leaders who build big communities of friends and family. They like to surround themselves around people that love them for them and if you cant find the good in that then you have to go. They are direct in their approach and are not afraid to say what is on their minds. If you like what they said then good for you, and if you dont like what they said then oh well deal with it. Their weaknesses are a lack of patience, and will sometimes force things to go fast a little bit too much.

Taurus - Taurus are known to be intelligent, dependable, hardworking, dedicated, and stubborn. For the Taurus, it is all or nothing, there is no such thing as in between or halfway there. They are sometimes descripted as being a mean and heartless person but on the inside, they care a lot about other people they need to get their goals together too.

Gemini - Geminis are very intelligent, outgoing, and adaptable in my opinion. But sometimes they can be unreliable, sometimes they are nosy too, wanting to know everything about everyone and can be boastfull at times. Geminis are also impulsive being able to change their minds in a heartbeat. But apart from that, they are easy going and adjustable and they are willing to try anything at once.

Cancer - Cancers are like the homeboy of the zodiac signs. Easily one of the most emotional zodiac signs ever, but only because see themselves as greatness. They are nurturing, compassionate, Cancers are very loyal, they are arguably one of the most noteworthy trait. Cancers are also highly protective, in addition to being loyal, Cancers are extrodinary protective of their loved ones, sometimes even to a fault. They deeply charish and family and close friends and will often go out of their way to protect their loved ones. But they can be moody, and sometimes vindictive.

Leo - Leos are the star of the zodiac, their traits include being confident, comfortable being the center of attention, loyal, fiercely protective of their nearest and dearest, generous, luxury-loving, sunny, and big hearted. Their characteristics reflect themes covered by the Fifth House Of Romance and Self-Expression, which Leo rules. The Fifth House oversees leisurely fun, creativity, children, pleasure, and the most spirited, effervescent expression of love and sex, like flirting and dating. But the downside to the great Leos is that they are posesive, impatient, an self centered. Sometimes they feel like they can dominate other people. 

Virgo - Virgos are very hardworking, they understand that hard work pays off. They arent afraid to throw themselves into a project and do one damn good job on it. No matter what it takes, they may even have sleepless nights because they try to do their best on the things they do. Virgos are also humble and affectionate, along with their desire to see the best in people, they are unfailingly kind and are always willing to help somebody in need, Virgos are more patient then others. But the downside to them is that they are critical, stubborn, and they overthink too much.

Libra - Libras are natural peacemakers at heart. and they are experts at being tactical and diplomatic in their relationships and groups. They choose their words carefully and aim to find common ground with as many people as possible. Libras have a strong sense of justice. They want to make sure everyone gets heart, and are passionate about making sure that things stay balanced, Libras are witty, smart, and excellent conversationalist. They have active imaginations and are quick to think on their feet, which makes them great company and great problem solvers, but some bad traits about Libras is that they are indecisive, controlling and they are easily one of the most vindictive signs. 

Scorpio - Determination is one of the most well known Scorpio characteristics. There is nothing better to have somebody when your in trouble by your side then a brave and determined scorpio. They will run into danger without a second thought and are always the first to volunteer themselves for difficult tasks. Scorpios are also loyal and highly honest and ambitious. But there are some downside to Scorpios is that they are jealous, secretive, controlling, and resentful. A Scorpio is the mastermind behind every mischief. Their cunning ways are hard to deal with and impossible to comprehend. So the next time you think of challenging a Scorpio, well, good luck! Their ruthlessness is often accompanied by the urge to take revenge. A Scorpio will never let you get away with something. They will take revenge and will go to any extreme for it. So if you angered one, try and make-up before it is too late!

Sagittarius - Sagittarians are optimistic, lovers of freedom, hilarious, fair-minded, honest and intellectual. They are spontaneous and fun, usually with a lot of friends, and are perhaps the best conversationalists in the zodiac (maybe tied with Gemini). Due to their knack for contemplation and critical thought, a Sagittarius is prone to overestimating his or her intellect and, as a result, can come across as egotistical. Narcissism has a tendency to lead to self-indulgence, and Sagittarians can get carried away with it. While it rarely gets in the way of their work, it certainly poses the risk of driving away friends and family.

Capricorn - Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience and expertise. If you manage to anger a Capricorn and really push their limits, brace yourselves for the impact! When angered, this zodiac can be quite brutal and will cut you down with their words. So better watch out before you argue with them!

Aquarius - Not one for "going with the flow", Aquarians make their own mind up and then stick to it. You can not cajole or persuade them from their viewpoint, unless you've got *evidence* i.e. data, facts, peer-reviewed analysis. Aquarians live (quite happily thank you) largely in their own head. Dissecting knowledge, deconstructing conventions, dreaming up dreams, thinking about outer space (seriously). You could be telling them your dog is dead, and they are looking at you but their face is blank. *SPOILER* they're not listening, they're thinking about the cosmos. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. If an Aquarius isn't responding to what you say, chances are they have wandered off to their 'La La Land'. They are known to be absent-minded. This trait doesn't go well at situations which demand active participation. If the Water Bearer wants something, it is now or never! They won't wait around for things to happen and often lack patience. Aquarius is not the zodiac to wait for something.

Pisces - Pisces are known as the most artistic of all zodiac signs, and they frequently express their creativity in everyday life. They have strong imaginations, and their reputation as dreamers can help them when they pursue hobbies such as art, music, and writing. They aren't as bound by logic as many other signs, and their openness to new ideas allows them to explore creative avenues others may overlook or dismiss as impractical. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, there's no one better than a Pisces. Pisces are incredibly empathetic and in tune with the emotions of others. If they see someone crying, they will immediately want to know how they can help, and they may even begin crying themselves out of sympathy. Pisces are extremely generous and known for putting others' needs before their own. It's important to them that the people they care about are happy, so they'll go out of their way to do something kind or help you with a problem you're having, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of their own happiness. Pisces are the most sensitive of all zodiacs. They will get hurt on the smallest of things and expect you to apologise for it. Their extremely sensitive nature is the reason they are not able to handle the challenges of life in an efficient manner. Pisces has the flaw of thinking about negative outcomes of every situation. It is seldom that they think positive and when they do, something or the other blows their mind in the opposite direction. It is very hard to keep a Pisces on the right track when it comes to thinking.