#it makes me not even want to play it and sucks bc this was one of my favorite games
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POTES FINISHES KOTOR!
i planned on going to bed early tonight but the kotor brainworms made me finish the game and WHAT A GAME MAN!!! anyway sessions 10-12:
the t in ten stands for traumatised
i love how i was like omg i hope i find revan and theyre my best friend! but the second i found out i was revan i was screaming and running away like NOPE NO GET OUT OF HERE
just want it to be noted that in the hours between playing this morning and now ive repeatedly caught myself just staring into space w blank expression its all ive thought abt all day like what has this game DONE to me
i literally had to make a revan playlist earlier lmao i havent even finished the game
also i searched revan on my blog and turns out last year i got an ask where i discovered revan was a customisable protagonist and yet i still walked into this spoiler free, meaning i managed to outrun spoilers via stupidity or having a horrible memory or both. im the ultimate anti-spoiler machine
tbh it didnt help that i thought revan was a bloke for at least the first like, 6 hours
you know one of my first ideas when i first started the game was "this character is going to die and then i will play as revan" and after the first mission i was like "well surely there must be a segment where you play as revan where did i get the idea that you play as revan from" the mental gymnastics i did around the truth are impressive this game gaslit me SO hard
i know its been like 8 hours since i experienced it but if anyone calls me revan again i will start crying anyway lets find carth's son and get this star map
i still cant think of revan as myself it feels like shes some dead sister i never met that's not me i cant compute it
i get why one of the options earlier was "oh i understand bastila" but i did not pick that bc SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL THEY DID USE ME!!! LIKE!
anyway time to have one of my first times playing a party without b-dog ): ill get u back babygirl (hold out for me plz dont get darksided) ill bring murderbot or the child soldier for now
ah i love carth and mission arguing. carth has no people skills
im sorry we've had a spice shipment onboard this whole time??? i wouldve liked to have known that some hours ago substance abuse would definitely help my identity issues
aw carth n mission made up! [lie/persuade] i agree she's not just a kid we should tooootally have her in active combat situations
this sith academy is crazy wdym ppl r out here starving and dying to get in
i love that i said my companions were slaves
wtf theres only one bed. okay mission you can have the bed me and carth can sleep on the floor
onasi i recognise that sur-- DUSTIL?? SHIT CARTH ONASI OH MY GOD I FORGOR
well that went about as well as bastila's family reunion. it's okay tho cause the parental issue solver is on the case carth i will have this shit fixed asap
these tombs suck
i love that my party members have stopped following me this is useful and great i love having to manually move them everywhere 10/10 gaming
im avoiding the dark side options so hard rn idc if i'll get less prestige i CANNOT risk going evil IM NOT REVAN
ive had so many options to be like "well get fucked im darth revan" but i dont want to get laughed at or anything so im just gonna stay quiet
also i still havent accepted it and i think saying i was revan might make my character find the panic attack dialogue option
ok we got kidnapped and electrocuted by a kiddie fiddler and that seemed to fix the companions not following me problem
slay i just stole the master's ipad and that solved dusty's daddy issues. literally i could have fixed the original trilogy im so good at parental issues if i was born 4000 years later there wouldve been no star wars movies it'd be chill
sw fix-it au: revan is just There
aww theyre bonding <3 <3 <3 <3
yay i did enough stuff to enter the tomb <3 cool i'll do that later
hilarious that mr sith master was like ok fine i will declare u the victor when everyone else who applied is either dead or left the building
ELEVEN ALSO RHYMES WITH REVAN AND i'm still not over it man
god gives his toughest battles (my friend was having boyfriend problems) to his bravest soldiers (me who wanted to start playing kotor again immediately after dinner but had to be a good friend and help her)
anyway back to REAL problems. let's go get this starmap
i dislike seeing malak on the opening screen now. he literally tried to blow me up and he may have killed or kidnapped bastila i dont wanna see that bitch
can we use our force bond to like. message bastila and check she's ok bc im taking everything this game said as foreshadowing and she talked a LOT about how no jedi is immune to the dark side you know. can we make malak hasnt reverse-revan'd her
looked up a walkthrough for that pillar business cause its late and while i know it would feel satisfying to get it right, i can't be assed
pillar isn't a word anymore
oh i kinda thought if i sided w yuthara i'd be able to talk her into going lightside but wompwomp
oh yay a talk!
ok she left i got lightside points thats close enough
lets get out of here before anyone starts questioning why i came back alone from the tomb
omg lena from mission's brother's girlfriend… and shes not a bitch???? oh my god griff was the bitch lena sounds so nice lets go to tatooine
im realising ive probably missed out on a lot of sidequests by only taking b-dog and carth out for missions but uhhh
i understand that it's very important that we save the galaxy by finding this star forge but you know what i love more than saving the galaxy? drama. we're going to find mission's brother
MALAK WAS THE ORIGINAL MEATBAG
man the evil stuff sounds bad but come on revan-me had a good sense of humour. meatbag (:
fuck me sideways with a toothbrush we've got to go do walking simulator in the sand dunes again to find mission's brother
this game really makes you understand luke skywalker bc i too would be desperate to leave this planet if i spent more than a week here
oh my god so youre saying if i just walked around the full tusken base then i wouldve found mission's brother. this is what i get for not exploring every nook and cranny
im not giving griff shit. u just know in the modern day he'd have a podcast and constantly share those entrepreneur tips on instagram, thinking he was an alpha male when he has $2 and no bitches
my textures arent loading in this is so funny everything is yellow and white
ok heres the plan its very late i should be in bed but this is probably the final mission so im gonna get ready for bed and then come back to this and we're gonna pretend i make healthy life choices and that i'm not addicted to this game
session 12! yep!
and it's been so long it's definitely the morning now so theres a whole new session it's definitely not only been 10 minutes since the last bullet point and im definitely not gonna play this all night
i make healthy life decisions lets find this star forge babygirls
NOO GET AWAY FROM MY FRIEND BASTILA YOU EGGFUCKER GET AWAY
i hope the star forge has a bin i can toss malak into
christ on a bike thats a lot of ships
this secret star forge planet is lovelyyyyy. vacation planet
btw my save file is called 'tanalorr is mine' and this planet is… well its making me feel validated for calling it that
why do these ppl keep attacking me im just a chill guy
of course theres an energy shield. theres always some kind of energy shield
are u being fr? mandalorians?? get a job u guys.
omg the fish guys know im revan????
omg YOU CAN LEARN LANGUAGES W THE FORCE?? INCREDIBLE
well presumably i missed the nonlethal option to get the scout back cause i am killing this entire base rn
omg who cares im maxed out light side i have lightbeams behind me in the character menu
every time someone talks abt me n malak goin somewhere when we were besties makes me sad. like i get i was revan and evil then but still we were besties ): now we're enemies ):
great. the bad guys are gonna be inside waiting for me. this is so uncharted-core
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MALAK’s FACE HOW IS HE ALIVE THATS SO MUCH JAW GONE
is that--?? bastila queen why r u wearing black
NOO HER ASS GOT TRILLA'D!!
ok i think that convo went ok i got lightside points im gonna get her back
well aside from bastila and the murder of an entire village i think that went very well lets go sodomise a star forge
i really have got to stop using the english language in the way i do. we're gonna defeat the star forge how about that. thats better
MASTER TORTIMER SURVIVED
YAY MY GIZKA ARE BACK ONBOARD!!!!!!!!!
bringing HK cause i want him to call malak a meatbag again
love that malak's like the droids will defeat the jedi when i literally have the destroy droid ability. get fucked eggbitch
these fights are just getting annoying now where are these guys even coming from
you know what? i dont wanna fight these twats im just gonna walk away and head to where i wanna go without fighting
tf why cant i open
its rlly funny that im revans master when he called bastila a child and its implied we’re a similar age
B-DOG!! COME TO THE LIGHT
FAT W I REDEEMED BASTILA
wow we have to get off this space station before our allies blow it up, meanwhile i have to fight a bald guy with breathing problems who was responsible for a crazy reveal in the second act. deja vu…
the bastila boss fight was easy-as so i assume the malak one is gonna fucking suck
i worked out how to stop him turning the jedi into sundried tomatoes
malak is so much taller than me lmao
bit sad i didnt get to have hk call malak a meatbag again and also what happened to his face we never covered that
YEAHH WOOOOOOOOO
ooh an honour guard… a hero’s welcome
YAYYYYY MEDAL CEREMONY CLASSIC STAR WARS
taking screenshots of the gang together like a parent with their kids
IM GRINNING SO HARD RN
I DID IT I FINISHED THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A GOOD GAME GODDAMN. GAME OF THE YEAR IDC IF IT CAME OUT 22 YEARS AGO oh my god me n this game r basically the same age wtf
and i did it in true potes-star-wars-games fashion bc its way past midnight as it was when i finished jfo and js <3
ANYWAY HOLY SHIT!! WHAT A GAME!!!!! that plot im going completely and utterly insane over that plot i see why revan is such an aggressive fan favourite its not a time of day (night) that i can come up w coherent thoughts but wow. wow!
definitely want to replay as a dark sider at some point (and maybe mod the shit out of the game too)
thankfully ive already bought the sequel (and been informed of the restored content thing) so thats ready to go whenever im ready to give up my entire life for a kotor addiction again! yippee!
what a good story. gameplay was fairly fun despite its often-awfulness until the ending where it got a bit tedious and i felt like a diabetic with how much i was injecting myself in the leg but like! THE STORY!!!! THE CHARACTERS!!! EBON HAWK CREW MY BESTEST FRIENDS
man!
well. im not gonna shut up abt this for a while am i. look all im saying is i should probably drop a weather warning on u all cause the kotor fandom is not ready for the fanart tidal wave known as stealingpotatoes that about to hit them. batten down your fuckin hatches
KOTOR MY BEAUTIFUL BEST FRIEND MY WIFE I LOVE YOU MWAH GOOD NIGHT MY SWEET PRINCE
also to u, gentle reader, thank u for joining me on this journey <3 i hope u had as much fun as i did lmao
POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
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When I watch supernatural I'll be so insufferable... Like, most of my Pinterest feed is Tumblr screenshots. Superwholock screenshots of, like, 2015 posts. That's why I have Tumblr. So I can reblog posts from 10 years ago.
And I can't help but think that's the whole story of my life over and over again. When I was a child I used to read a lot. I read classic literature, when everyone else read Harry Potter. I liked classical music when people on the radio were playing old raggaeton and hip-hop rap. And now I listen to Hamilton and think "this is so cool" and it's 10 years old, people don't play that music anymore, and I watch Sherlock and it's 15 years old, and I think what the fuck I was doing back then and it's read Sherlock Holmes novels. I used to think a lot about adolescence and think I was going to listen rock rebel music and dress cool but I'm still old-fashioned and my music taste sucks sm I feel ashamed when I say "someone play music" bc no one wants to hear music half a century old. Nor one full century old.
And the thing is, I'm always too late. For everything. I used to think I was going to work as an artist and draw illustrations and all of that, but I'm not so sure anymore, bc in the last few years all the technology changed a lot and I know I won't be replaced by ai, but do I even know that? Is hope even an option anymore? I'd like to be an actor but I've never been a theatre child, it wasn't even an option to me, and the industry is dying. If we can't even save a wonderful show like dbda and make all these people keep their jobs now, what the hell would it be in 5 years? If people at Netflix already don't care anymore about Art but viewership numbers and money, what would happen in 5 years? I know the world won't end tomorrow. It never does. But sometimes I think the world ended a lot ago and I didn't noticed, I was too late.
I want to do something worthy with my life. I don't want to see Art die. But I don't know what to do, there isn't a clear path anymore. I was prepared for a future in a world that died 5 years ago, and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be in the room where it happens. But I think that room disappeared 5 years ago. And I'll always be too late.
#Bro this is depressing#save dead boy detectives#save dbda#dead boy detectives#dbda#my post#hamilton#bbc sherlock#sherlock fandom#dr who#dw#doctor who#supernatural#superwholock#(all of this bc I lost myself in Pinterest when I was supposed to look drawing references)
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hey! do you have any tips for running more? i have a love-hate relationship with it
YES!
I used to DESPISE running SO HARD. I've been running for seven years now, off and on (a LOT more off than on lol), but its only been in the last ten months that I really and truly have fallen in love with it!
Number one tip is to get a running app, really and truly! They're great for getting training plans to run to, holding you accountable, and tracking your progress! Seriously, it is SO AWESOME to get to see your stats improve over time, its so rewarding and wonderful! I've never personally used it, but my mom uses Nike Run Club, which she highly reccomends, so if you're looking for a simple, streamlined one to start with, go take a look at that!
btw have you heard of this special one called Zombies, Run!? Its a running app that is also an immersive audio drama that makes you feel like the main character in a video game and has singlehandedly gotten me from despising running to loving it- Oh, you have? okay then.... i mean,,,, if youre interested,,, i have an entire sideblog for it,,,, you could send me some asks about it,,,, i'd love to comply...
But seriously ZR has changed my life, I'm being totally serious here. I could elaborate if you'd like, but long story short, I am in the best physical and mental shape of my life bc of this silly zombie app with blorbos in it, so yeah, never gonna stop talking about it lol.
But the reason why that works, is that it makes running fun! Because lets all be honest, running for more than three minutes on a treadmill with no stimulation at all and nothing to think about besides the fact that you're running and that sucks is the WORST. And doing it outside is better because you're actually going somewhere and see things, but its still monotonus and then you're just lasered in on the 'running is horrible' part after a bit longer.
ZR is utterly brilliant because you are physically incapable of being bored while playing it lol. You're not running a mile away from your house then a mile back, you're charging through the streets of an abandonded city, holding a life-saving cure, your best friend in your headset imploring you to keep going as zombies approach, while having the survival of your fellow runner depend on you as they limp from their injury. It is THRILLING and takes your mind off of what you are doing.
BUT MOVING AWAY FROM ZR NOW FINALLY (sorry i really am obsessed)--
It works because you aren't thinking about running. So that's the cheat code, figure out how to run without thinking about what your body is doing and how it feels icky sometimes. You've gotta learn to be very motivated but then also INCREIDIBLY disciplined in order to stick to it. Find some music that makes you feel like you're in a superhero movie (I have some recs if you'd like!!), find a podcast that is super interesting on a topic that you adore, even go running with friends and talk to them about fandom stuff while running!
Find tools to take your mind off of it that works most of the time, and the in the small fraction of the time where you still don't want to do it, learn the discipline to follow through anyway.
But also, I've found that the main reason running stinks, at least at first, is your body isn't used to it. Really! Whether you haven't worked out in your entire life ever, or if you are considered one of the fittest people on the planet in like swimming or something, running is SUPER hard and super terrible at first because you aren't used to it! Even if you are super fit and healthy, the hard cardio and movement that running requires is just very different from everything else! So anyone getting into running ever should NEVER feel bad about themselves when they're just starting! Because it is a seperate and unique thing in its own category that is special and different! It is scientifically proven that it takes 6-10 weeks of running 10-20 miles a week before your body adjusts and then you're used to it.
But guess what? One day, you're going to be running, and suddenly realize that it is magic. You'll realize that you don't have to stop to walk when you usually do- you can go longer than you have before. You'll realize that wait, you can go faster now! Your pace is faster! And then you'll feel a rush of adrenaline and endorphins and oh! THIS is what they mean when they say runners high! You understand why its called is the healthiest addicting drug in the world now! You'll realize that you have a huge smile breaking out on your face and the scenery is gorgeous, even if its in a dark smelly gym, because you're doing it- you're running! And you love it.
Anyone reading this, please give running a good, earnest shot. Lace up your shoes three or four days a week and go jog two or three miles. Keep at it for two months. It'll be a hard two months. But it'll be so so worth it. Just try. What have you got to lose?
Running is magic, and now I'll never give it up.
#THANKS FOR ASKING ABOUT RUNNING#i ADORE running now even outside of the context of zr#has dramatically improved my life so stinking much#im addicted to it now#and literally#even if i lost access to the app tommorrow or something and could never play it again#i would still stick with running#bc now i love it#and now it feels amazing!#some days running feels harder than others#and some sections of my VERY mountinous runnning route i still have to walk to this day#but almost all of the time running feels increidble. seriously.#i could blabber a lot more about exersice lol#everyone should just exersce more point blank period#doesnt have to be running. just in general.#figure out how to physically improve your fitness in the way that appeals to you and just DO IT#be healthy people#uh yeah im SUPER obsessed with fitness as a whole actually#working out and food and all that jazz#but ill cut myself off here lol#unless prompted haha#crazy why would i ever say that haha#ANYWAYS#sunkissedliterarylightofchrist#asks#zombies run#running#working out#work out#fitness
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I will never forgive Lestat and Armand for the part they played in Claudia and Madeleine's death but the fact that Armand gets more hate for what happen to Claudia than Lestat in the fandom is insane to me and I LIKE Lestats dramatic sassy ass dont get me wrong, Im hyped when he shows up in a scene. But especially with how he kept framing Louis (whos not inocent no but has been manipulated by Lestat since he was a human and abused by him as a vampire) through all this as the problem for wanting to leave and forcing him to loneliness 🙄 and cruel for giving him the silent treatment after he dropped him from the fckn sky and not wanting to fuck lestat after Claudia left which is why he had to turn to Antoinette's bony flat ass like he hadnt already been hitting that since from way back when .. like what?
and dont even get me started on claudias turning scene and how this doesnt change anything, the fact that louis didnt fully process the extent of what Lestat was telling him while being traumatized and desperate to save her life as his form of "penance" and someone to possibly be his family which is so unfair to claudia and one of the ways in which Louis is not inocent either but doesnt in any fckn way make lestat a victim and Louis the bad guy in their dynamic (once again not that Louis is a inocent - he isnt - or anything but cmon)
All I'm saying is if youre gonna hate on Armand with such a passion be sure to do the same with the white vampire (especially since ppl treat the fact that a 500y vampire wasnt ready to sacrifice his coven of 200y for a guy he'd been fuckn for a while and repeatly told to get the fck out of Paris since he met him bc it wasnt safe and was clearly using him as a rebound is crazy - again from claudia and louis perspective he is and will always be a manipulative bitch that I WILL NEVER FORGIVE FOR HIS PART in Claudias death but from his perspective...like I don't like it and there was a better way to handle it, i hate it in fact but I do get it)
Like hate on Armand for this and that fine just then keep the same energy with Lestat ppl its all im saying.
(and again I like Lestats cunty sassy ass)
bc if we're really honest and unbiased yh Lestat saved Louis but you know who he didnt save CLAUDIA he didnt even attempt to physically get her away from stage, fight for her nothing!!!
and he knew that Claudia dying would kill a part of Louis he would never get back
Idc what Anne Rice herself comes to me as a ghost and says "he would have if he could but he really couldn't save her "or anyone invoveld in the show for that matter bc what was actually SHOWN to us throughout the ENTIRE series is that his focus has always been on Louis (it was never about you/it was never you/I made you for louis) and at the end of s1 he was fully prepared to replace Claudia with Antoinette.
We all know that if he by any chance needed to make another attempt to save Louis bc the first one wasn't enough he would have! even if he had to fight a whole ass coven we all know he wouldve at least tried for Louis and he DID NOT lift a fckn finger for Claudia!!
Just bc Armand sucks doenst change the fact that Lestat also sucks is my point I guess.
(which is why I'm baffled at why Louis thought Lestat was worthy of any damn apology or thank you - like yh you saved me but you didnt even try to save our daughter and you were part of the reason I needed saving in the first place sooooo wtf do I owe you anyhting - the acting in that scene much like the acting in the entire series was amazing tho ngl!!)
Keep the same energy or just be honest about the fact that you're bias when it comes to Lestat which if you are thats fine, I can even respect that as long as you're honest and don't try to pass your biasis as a valid argument.
Bottom line Claudia DESERVED BETTER and I'm kind of side eyeing the hatred towards Armand the same way i did the opinions that were going around about his casting just bc he wasn't a white ginger (like what?! 😒) like the way some (not all) of yall talk about it is rlly weird and suspicious ngl
Claudia (+Madeleine) and Daniel are my favorite characters
Everyone else needs therapy, either that or be bathed in holy water or smth
#amc iwtv#iwtv s2#iwtv#iwtv armand#claudia iwtv#daniel mvp malloy#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#daniel malloy#iwtv daniel#claudia deserved better#!!!!#iwtv rambling#lestat x louis#louis x armand#claudia x madeleine#will never forgive Armand or Lestat for the part they played in her death even if I still like them#don't hate on armand if you're not gonna hate on lestat too
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I think that discussions of TTRPGs would be much more productive if the advocates of moving from D&D could separate out the ideas of "WoTC is part of the massive Hasbro conglomerate which engages in the shady capitalist practices massive conglomerates do"; "D&D is not suited for every single type of story or gameplay style"; and "here's how to pick a different TTRPG that suits you needs" because as I've said many a time like 99% of them are just trying to sell you on their favorite game, which might be out of print, prohibitively expensive, something no one around you is interested in playing, or is just as bad if not worse a fit for what you want to do as D&D.
I also think said conversations would be more productive if acknowledging many people came into TTRPGs via Actual Play but would be willing to branch out if you weren't the world's most condescending dickhead towards them*; if people considered the hard truth that if you're fluent in D&D and own the materials and have a group already the pitch for Pathfinder specifically actually becomes much harder, not easier; and, as always, if people tailored their recommendations. I agree that heists or space operas or low-combat social games don't play well in D&D; they also don't play well necessarily in your favorite game that you recommend for everything that isn't magically better or more versatile just because it's from a smaller company.
Anyway the point is if you just want to whine about D&D being a dominant force be my guest but you will probably lose all but the most impressionable/desperate for the validation of strangers portion of your D&D-playing audience. If you're actually interested in changing minds and not jacking off to how much cooler and better you are be prepared to ask or answer these questions:
Is D&D genuinely a bad fit for what they want to do, or are you just an intrusive hater?
What is the person you're trying to convert interested in doing at the table? This is is a complex question that covers genre and tone; session-to-session gameplay such as combat vs. RP balance but also (for example) granularity of rules; and overall scope of the game (eg: is this something that you can play a long-term campaign in with character progression? Or is it fairly static and intended to be a few sessions at most?)
What games are accessible to them? This means within their budget (unless you advocate for pirating from small indies, which will not really help with the whole WoTC dominance situation); within what they and their table have time to learn (or, if they are looking to get into games in the first place, what they might be able to find a group for); and again, I can't believe I have to say this but I really do because I've seen it multiple times: whether the game is in print.
Have you considered gently directing them to their friendly local gaming store with answers to the second and third questions above and unleashing them upon a person who knows the gaming scene in their area and (while I've dealt with a Comic Shop Guy or two in my time) is less likely to call them a dumb bitch to their face if the answer ends up being "I'll stick with D&D"? Again, is this about them having a good time? Or is this about you?
*the best way to describe this, since I've been talking a lot about people attempting to claim the status of the systemically oppressed, is that a lot of non-D&D/non-AP fans of TTRPGs on Tumblr act like they are an oppressed class and it's like Kevin, you are a white sysadmin Monte Hall Games fanboy, you are not oppressed by the girlies making Keyleth-inspired D&D characters. You are not part of the more popular fandom and indeed dislike it; this does not make you of a lower class.
#prokopetz is one of the only people on tumblr who seems to be capable of doing this; jenna moran when she's around as well#and unsurprisingly they are both game designers not condescending randos#me at pax u like i refuse to even go to the fabula ultima booth bc your tumblr fans suck so much i don't want to be around the game#anyway i make this post like once every six months but it's always true and none of them ever learn#ESPECIALLY pf people like. why would i switch to a rather similar system and have to find a new table and buy new shit#when it supports the same scope of gameplay and genre. and it's not even indie.#anyway this is both about like. charlie hall. and also the person who thought that playing pf1e in 2014 would inherently imbue a game#that has been played in D&D 5e for 10 years with an increased level of complexity. & the condescending dipshit out of print games fandom
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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One of Rhaenyra's biggest opps (in HOTD) really was her own father. Because how are you going to proclaim your daughter as heir, only to then marry her best friend and have four kids, three sons, in an environment that is against women already as is but even more so with one sitting on the Iron Throne? And then, not only, do you not prepare her for anything political but scold her publicly, which isn't good for her image, and just....hardly do anything to aid her until you're on your last leg? And yet there are still fans saying he was a "great dad" and that he "did all he could". HA, I THINK NOT!
#rhaenyra targeryan#viserys targaryen#anti viserys i targaryen#hotd#house of the dragon#like he set her up so bad and it's quite sad really#like i do believe rhae fumbled on her own and was kind of not helping her case#but viserys played a role in this too#and he's just all around not a good person#he sets rhae up from the jump by not actively submitting that he chose her as his heir#and constantly leaving her second guessing as well as putting alicent in a tough spot bc why have more kids?#why put her or any other poor mother through the possibility of raising children only for them to be killed so his heir can remain?#and like even if rhae didn't want to kill her siblings (which i think is very debatable but in hotd terms might have given daemon) they#still would have been in a stick situation#don't even get me started on how he sucks at keeping peace bc he literally makes his own family resent one another#by being a shitty dad and husband. like sir you are not helping anything
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sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol
#just me hi#don't kill me but they are not for me#and i think our dog is alright :) but i am glad he's not mine jfshvh#i'm nervous and unsure about them every time i interact and i don't know why!#tried to tell my mother that at least and she just kinda brushes me off ? so i guess i'll just have to contend with this lol#he's still being trained but i dunno. don't think that kind of animal is for me#which sucks cuz i really did want to like them!! but they're confusing and a bit annoying and a decent sprinkling of scary#and he's a PUPPY. this is the goofiest problem ever jfsvhjfh#+ the dog at work still makes me nervous too.. this is a very Blahhh situation lol#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems#every time i do i just get more nervous ?? urgh#guess i'm not for dogs ! oh wells!#//and in other news why is it that every weekend i do not hesitate to obliterate my sleep schedule Lmfshvjfh#like without Fail it's actually crazy#//OH and it snowed a couple days ago too btw !! like almost a foot of snow i believe which is cool :D#i walked to work and it was fuuuun i enjoyed it :D#though i didn't get a chance to take pictures bc they'd plowed the road by the time i got out </3 it was so cool though !!#//oh also we were playing one of our story games last night w/ siblings :3#it's our longest-running one (it's been ongoing for maybe over a year or so! wild) and the amount of stuff that has Happened is so much Lol#i think last night they helped free half-a-town's worth of people from mine work (the mine turned out to be a crater from a Wish that hadn'#come true so they were mining the tiny shards of the wish-star bc they still have the chance to grant veeery small wishes!) and then also#got the guy that had kidnapped and enslaved them (for ransom + tax reasons) killed “by accident”#/they got into even more arguments with the other characters they're traveling with-#/OH chess also almost strangled one of those guys to death in the mine Lmaooo#there was a whole moment when he realized i was dying jfsvjgh#//yea though i have got to go get some thangs done though..#my dad used all the hot water so i'm just. waiting... stewing.... sauteeing...... gently marinating.............#ooeeoo#yea though !! hope i can work on some ideas i have today !! let's cross hands and hold fingers. wait#anywho Yea i'm gonna get on that 💥 CIAO
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I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).
My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.
Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".
The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#honestly JP Yuri talks abt punching ppl often enough that it's like... this should have been an easy tl#and like honestly wtf is with the dub having Yuri at Ioder's absolute THROAT every time they talk#I'm serious when I say dub Yuri genuinely pisses me off sometimes bc he's an asshole for NO reason#it's not cool. I'm not rooting for him. I'm rooting for someone to punch him in the face for being an ass#JP Yuri would love to do it honestly he's always up for punching ppl it's a recurring theme for /him/#I've never wanted to punch JP Yuri in the face. I've wanted to punch dub Yuri in the face multiple times#that's enough for me to recognize that the dub took more than just ''creative liberties'' with the loc#it SUCKS too bc the dub in and of itself isn't bad. I've said this before but#it really is primarily Yuri and his absolute ATTITUDE problem /and/ the way the dub treats Flynn and puts him down constantly#and unfortunately often uses Yuri to do it... when they're not having Flynn himself do it#all always in areas that never even happened originally. they just literally made it up#still not over how they had Flynn basically berate himself by saying ''like a /good knight/'' at Yormgen#the dub very clearly had a /narrative/ bias against imperial figures/knights that wasn't in the original#what was the reason to drop Sodia calling Yuri ''sir'' at Aurnion? there wasn't one!#but Sodia BaD so we can't possibly let anyone see her character development and have to hide it from dub players!#unfortunately for me the dub not being bad in and of itself truly is trumped by#its treatment of Yuri and Flynn as characters and the way the game narratively directs players#for me it really is THAT BAD that it's stronger than the rest of the dub being just fine#and it really truly honestly RUINS the entire dub for me bc I love Yuri and Flynn and hate seeing them treated like that#I mean literally the whole point of me making those text posts is bc of my love for Yuri lol#and it's so sad and hard to see dub players not get the same Yuri experience simply bc... they don't even know#a lot of people didn't even realize how different he was and like... I get loving Troy's acting#but again Troy isn't the problem here. I don't want a dub that treats my favorites the way it does#I WISH Troy could have voiced Yuri the way he really is. in some way for me it feels very lonely#bc like the casual person I pass by who knows Vesp isn't likely to have not played the dub you know??#so it's like... I wanna talk abt Yuri but we aren't even talking abt the same Yuri#nearly outta tags lol but yeah it just... makes me SO sad that they did all this to those two
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sigh i am frustrated by pokemon infinite fusion currently
i hadn't realized that the game was still being actively updated and that the version i was running was v out of date
so i got the updated version which i was super excited for at first but i reallyy dislike a lot of the custom sprites for regular unfused pokemon
there are some good ones also but u have to go through them one by one changing them in game through the pokedex apparently which is so so tedious
plus a lot of the fused pokemon's default sprite is different so i have to change those manually back to the ones i like and it is just. v annoying
i wish there was at least an option to use the basic gamefreak sprites for the regular pokemon a lot of the custom ones are just really immersion breaking for me
#pokemon infinite fusion#it makes me not even want to play it and sucks bc this was one of my favorite games#sorry to be a hater
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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the yearning to be part of something big and celebrated for your ideas but also. you dont have any ideas and youve never been part of something very big.
#yearning above one’s means#id love to make something beautiful and admirable. but see the thing is i dont know if ill ever be the person who can#make something as lovely as i’d like#i’d like to make a game or experience or writing or art that when someone sees it brings joy into their life#but then i dont know hardly any of the steps to getting there#so am i just prideful over nothing then? to want this and not have progress for it? am i just chai hifirush cant play guitar rockstar?#i just see like. zines popping up in fandoms im in every so often and then theyre already wrapped up and done when i can even consider-#-applying to join and its. how do i get an in? what am i missing? who is starting this that i just dont know? do i have to make it myself?#but when i start stuff myself i dont reach anyone anyways. because so few people see what i make and fewer follow and fewer come back#and on toyhouse i post bulletins ill draw free stuff and i dont think anyone who subscribes to me wants bulletins from me bc theyre 0 comme#-ts so. so what do i. i dont know the people and nobody knows me where do i go#personal vent#long tags#if i just suck and dont make anything worthwhile id rather hear that and know thats why#than keep thinking the stuff i do make is cool and making it and wondering why nobody else thinks its cool. cause hardly anyone sees it
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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the one good thing abt having homework over thanksgiving break is that i can hide in my room and watch murder drones bc i Do Not Like the family that is staying with us for the weekend
(vent in the tags. feel free to ignore em)
#my family is. ehhhhh. this particular aunt and her boyfriend kinda make me uncomfy#my cousins will straight up ignore us and play on their phones the whole time#and my parents get all weird when theyre talking to my aunt and her bf in the evenings. theyll talk shit abt *us* (me and my siblings)#one time they told all of us 'go play in ur rooms' for like 2hrs while they talked shit in the dining room. didnt want us listening in ig.#we got glared at or told 'go back to ur room' if we came out for any reason. it fucking sucked.#last year my OTHER aunt (the one that only lives 20mins away) was 3hrs late to eat and my mom got all irritated and that was a nightmare#bc she sent my uncle and cousins ahead while she made food (that my mom told her not to and it wasnt even good anyway)#yeah my family. is not good. i do not like my family. i dont even like the ones i live with. i dont like thanksgiving.
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I am going to need that rewrite on my desk by tomorrow, 12 point font, times new roman, double spaced
noOOOOOO IT'S TOO MUCH WORK!!! I DON'T HAVE TIME AND I DON'T CARE ENOUGH........ girl help!
my rewrite where uhhhhhhhhhh. everything is the same except the writers actually care about female characters. a lot of decisions were made because of actresses no longer being available so plotlines like fish's are more or less the same but like, Ivy either gets to grow up normally or is never a child at the beginning to start with (you can go the weird plant body route if you have to keep her relatively younger since this is a prequel ig), and I don't... even know what to make of KK or Isabella, and Sofia should just be fucking. dont tell me there isn't a single female italian bodybuilder who can act, I don't believe you. let her be buff. let her take up space. let her be huge and wear vintage fashion.
also Oswald is fat and trans
#the problem is that largely i think gotham should suck ass#the only thing that really drives me up the fucking wall is the like. obvious sexism#every fully disposable female character makes me evil#i dont know what they were on about the riddler fangirl and i've chosen not to examine it bc i suspect you had to be there#in order to understand what whoever wrote that was mad about specifically. i can't stand that shit#'we have to openly mock some actually harmless aspect of our fanbase' ok but can you do it without being weird and sexist '🧍♂️'#but generally? the Stupid plotlines the Really dumb crap#whatever the fuck gordon is doing from episode to episode#...it builds character. i wasn't paying attention to most of it anyway#hey real quick look me in the eyes#there was something there. i hate the galavan arc so much but there was something there.#a sympathy. a kinship between tabitha and silver. tabitha was groomed for a role the same way silver is being groomed and she recognizes#the childish desire to please authority figures in their stupid bullshit organization even though silver can't see it because she's still l#living in it#did you guys see that? because i saw it#and it's in the middle of like. one of the worst arcs in the show#(the arc is fine the actor who plays theo is just so like. he has no charisma at all and something is Off about the whole thing bc of it)#oh wait no yeah actually. the stuff with silver is kind of hard to watch bc it would be interesting if they wanted to examine it#but it's a stupid drama series so it's just a love triangle even though she's a pretty sad character even within the writing in this show#and silver never comes back. and she doesn't need to bc they wouldnt know how to treat her#but did you guys see that too?#I like tabitha#anyway that arc is bad but i do think sometimes about silver saying 'my favorite animal is a dolphin bc they're magic'#and for a second bruce forgets the situation and looks like he's going to snap#exclusively because she said something factually incorrect about an animal#what was i talking about again
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now some people may not like to hear it but even the worst people who exist are still people & there is no human being who has More right than others to decide whether others deserve to live or die (does not mean i personally condemn murder in self defense or anything of the sort or killing fascists or whatever i'm just saying as a baseline This Is How it Is) & this is why the death penalty is not a good thing no matter how good & trustworthy the people in any government might be. people on average also deserve the chance to learn to do better. & no, someone who's been forcefed propaganda their entire life will not let go of that deeply entrenched mindset so easily, it's not particularly unrealistic & it absolutely sucks to deal with but in the context of tangibly working toward world peace it's also not an issue to try & help such people both in material ways & in helping them learn better rather than cut them down or abandon them to a grim fate. all this to say that's why i don't think garlemald is written badly, as unpleasant as the experience might be. walks off the stage
#ffposting#also if you hate garlemald's writing THIS much but like emet-selch i think theres a disconnect there i just dont understand.#like he made it that way. you do understand this is all because of him right. maybe you should be more upset about that.#garlemald is very uncomfortable & the real life parallels it draws make it a very very touchy Thing to deal with#but i do not think it is handled badly.#their supremacy is entirely gone by the time of edw the people there have known nothing but propaganda#the populares are known to be a minority. people like cid or jenomis aren't that common. this is why they get along#the propaganda is such that even occupied domans like asahi fell for it & feel absolutely nothing for their kin#thats what propaganda does. there is absolutely a degree of responsibility regarding what they do & i would never say otherwise#however the idea that we should let them die & not get a chance to rebuild after theyve lost everything (again) is like. huh.#when you want to work toward world peace in a meaningful way you cant just abandon anyone like that.#like thats a whole people. they suck! but it is not immutable & they deserve the opportunity to do better like any other#id much rather they face retribution for their actions in meaningful ways including working toward reparations#wrt all the peoples the empire occupied than to round them up to kill them or worse let them die to the telophoroi#OR to becoming blasphemies. that would make things so extremely worse.#i just dont understand how you can have sympathy for jullus when he was just like everyone else at first#but you want to leave the rest of them to die. & i dont get how you can like emet & want them to die.#like he fucking did this its a pretty notable very fucking bad thing that he did. no doubt varis has made it worse#but varis was in power for like 2 years at best.#that emet was playing a role & did not actually believe in or care about what he was doing does not erase that he did it#& i personally find it hypocritical to like him if you balk at the idea of garlemald restoration. clears throat#i believe in killing fascists but i also dont believe in punitive justice#& by the time of edw garlean civilians do not hold the systemic power they once mightve#which i think is also important. their entire country is in shambles.#if anything its the ideal opportunity for them all to start anew & learn better. shed their preconceptions as one might say#that said i still skip garlemald cutscenes bc i dont need cunts calling me a savage ✋-_-#do not take any of this for garlean apologia i fucking hate dealing with them on an individual level as a xaela player lmfao#but yeah. if you can feel pity for livia who is a military general WHO HAS ACTIVELY KILLED YOUR FRIENDS#but not for the civilians whove never been exposed to anything other than propaganda. idk man. 30 tags. fly free my post
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