#it makes me feel like. paranoid i suppose
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Ep 27 loose thoughts
Well, that's one way of snapping someone shell-shocked out of making a drastic decision. I feel like PSJ snapped something in herself at this moment, too. Anyone else found the ancestor's commentary going on in the background while the girls are bawling their eyes out hilarious? Just me? Okay.
While I was waiting for the ever burning wood to activate or something, the moment WX opened the box to reveal dried flowers I choked. ZYC!!!
Baby!Yichen breaks my heart, so impressionable, so open to learn. It's interesting to see that the phrases about suffering we've seen him use as an adult might have come from WX... Not a fan of telling people in mourning to stop dwelling in misery and sadness like it's as simple as flipping a switch (not to mention, she apparently *just* met him for the first time? The heck?), but at least the rest of her words seem to have helped him... so much that he kept the flowers đ The irony of her snow metaphor contrasted with their current predicament is indeed exquisite, A+ for that.
Are they going to be saved by the power of lurrrrve??? (At least this time. Still holding out for how that's gonna play out in the finale.) I mean, what other way to sway an ancient creature who's seen pretty much everything there is to see, than to show them something new? What's that? A test for a future event? (I'm getting really paranoid about nothing we've seen so far being real. It's like Alice in Wonderland on a bigger scale. Or Finnegans Wake on a smaller scale. I don't know.)
Oooh Bingyi and Ying Long, our original doomed couple (of self-sacrificial idiots)! I would watch a whole drama just about them. And damn, I can definitely see where Zhao Yuanzhou got his masochism from. Stoppppp not "Just let me be the first star"! (Especially since I just remembered ZYZ's "I'll be the rain...") It's not supposed to be literal! đđđ Ahhhh this scene just broke me, also because it seems to reinforce the idea that ZYZ *has* to be killed for the greater good. The visualssss in the execution- sacrifice? What the heck do I even call it?- scene though, soooo good!
"Let me do it myself." LET ME DO IT MYSELF??? FUCKKKKKKK DAMNIT HE JUST- ::head in hands, crying forever::
"Remember. This is my choice, not yours. You don't have to bear any blame or guilt." That's not how that works. That's not how any of that works!
Again, we're dealing with choices. But the fact that ZYZ choice was the same as Ying Long's... the fact that YL says that neither he nor Bingyi had any regrets... oh this is going to hurt.
Oh? ZYZ's future is not what he wants? (And wouldn't that be funny, considering ZYZ's own words while schooling ZYC in the very first ep... 9 times out of 10, things don't go our way?)
"You two are really like us." đđđ
I was wondering if they were going to show us what ZYC saw, and not only does the image of ZYZ's body on that dark floor mirror Ying Long's body floating in the water, both ZYZ and ZYC wear the same clothes as in the very few scenes from the trailer that didn't happen yet... These poor sods, they've been Going Through It for almost a decade now with the only end in sight being yet another tragedy (even if the drama seems to suggest that they don't see it that way at this point.) ::head in hands, crying continues::
"My friend is here. We'll go together." The *sound* I made. Everything else this drama has given me aside, the growth of these characters and their bonds is so well done, and absolutely precious to me.
I want Ying Long's hopes and wishes for them to become true. Seeing how there's hints everywhere in this drama, I hope the words of one of the most powerful beings in existence will count for *something* in the end! (Am I grasping at straws? Maybe. Let me be delusional for a bit longer.)
What do you mean, five, ZYC? What's Ying Lei, chopped liver?
Oof this *almost* hug before WX starts feebly hitting ZYZ. It's relief, it's anger, it's fear for the next time, it's all the feelings that became too big to contain. I feel her so much. (I would've started whacking both him and ZYC way earlier tbh đ
) And ZYZ allowing her that release before pulling her in for reassurance, patting her as if she was a scared child. đ Cut to PSJ, looking as if she wanted nothing more but to be the one offering the reassurance to WX. Cut to ZYC, remembering that willingly or not, he's going to hurt WX beyond reassurance. Once again, the bonds in this drama!
Wait hold up hold on what? You just removed Bingyi's blood from him, that should mean that ZYC will not have to become a demon, right? So what's that about developing the inner core? (Also, I just realized that so far all they got from this trip was "go east and ask for a dragon scale" lol) Thankfully him and ZYZ had their conversation(s) about titles and identities so being asked to make that particular choice was not completely out of left field at this point. And all he cares about is whether that means that the last trace of Ying Long will disappear! đ (I'm so with Bingyi on this one... I would hold onto that last shred of my friend's existence, too, *especially* if they offed themself via my goddamn sword.)
What's with that look after he says that he thinks he has it - the inner core - is there a joke here somewhere? (I *gotta* go back to learning the language, the things I'm undoubtedly missing on!) The only thing I can think of is - did they think he said he's pregnant??? ::dies:: "So what's your true form?" "Must be dragon." "I say you're a mule." "Better than being a monkey." "I'm a white ape!" ::dies again:: Nice to see we still get a friendly ribbing between all of them, and I can breathe after all the angst. Fingers crossed? There's still 5 minutes left...
Oh good, let's talk about getting Bai Jiu back! (I knew there was one more character from the opening credits that didn't show up yet... guess it's the rebel princess.) While Ao Yin is eavesdropping! Talk about good hearing. Sigh, here it comes, another goal they have that will conflict with Li Lun's; they want the scale to restore the sword, and LL not only doesn't want that to happen, the scale could potentially help him get rid of the poison.
Oh for fuck's sake, I think I was subconsciously waiting for Chongwu Camp to show up, knowing that they've eavesdropped on the gang earlier, and here they are. ZYZ should really think of putting up some sound barrier when they discuss important plans, everyone seems to know exactly what they'll be doing at any given moment!
Ahhhh we're getting a nod to that little cough and stumble WX had shortly before this trip. Something's wrong with Baize token? Or with her connection to it? We only have 7 episodes left, drama!
(ZYC is such a good little brother.) Oh great, it was the rebel princess who killed WX's dad? I repeat, we only have 7 episodes left!
Sigh... with only 7 episodes left, we *also* find out that the goddamn 3-face-mask has history with the princess? And has everyone and their mother sat on that little bridge???
This feels like the endless final scenes in Peter Jackson's "Return of the King," my head is spinning.
Note to self, *stop* looking at previews. Ying Lei, what the absolute fuck?
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A Night to Regret
CW: Kidnapping, abusive relationship
âHey babe,â Kieran answered his phone with a grin, âYeah, Iâm on my way back now. Guess what? Iâve got a job!âÂ
âReally? Thatâs amazing!â He pulled it back from his ear as Abigail squealed, âWhat is it?âÂ
âItâs a short film, an original horror I think. I donât know all the details, Kate said sheâd email them to me first thing Monday. Itâs a student film, but theyâve done quite a few popular ones.âÂ
âYou know what this means? Celebration! We should invite Mike and Lisa, Iâll see if Cameronâs free too, and Jaysen, though I think heâs busyâŠâ
Kieran laughed softly, âIs that really necessary? I was thinking we could just have a quiet night in, just the two of us.â Â
âWe do that all the time! Come on, we havenât had a get together in ages. Itâll be fun. Weâll order pizza, and if you pick up some drinks on your way home⊠ooh, make sure you get some of that beer I like.â âSince when did this become about you?âÂ
âIâll pay for everything!âÂ
He smiled even though she couldnât see it. âI got it, donât worry. You order some pizzas, Iâll be home soon. I love you.âÂ
âLove you!â
Kieran slid his phone into his pocket, making a u-turn to head towards their favoured liquor store. He shivered, hugging himself as he walked down the quiet street. Strange, to be so quiet on a Saturday evening; it was freezing, he reasoned. It wasnât that late, but the sun set early this time of year and a starless sky made the frigid air seem bleak. Still, deserted streets always held an eerie feeling. Though they werenât completely empty, he only saw an occasional passerby in thick coats, scarves weaved around their faces. Man, he should have brought a scarf; his lips were probably turning blue.Â
A small, childish part of him wished he had stayed talking with Abigail. Past every alley, every covered stranger, a chill crept up his spine that had nothing to do with the weather. He considered calling her back. She was probably calling their friends though. Youâre worrying over nothing, he scolded himself. He was a grown-ass man, he could handle walking down a street himself, the same route heâd taken many times before. Alone. In the dark.Â
Abigail kept telling him he should ask his doctor about anxiety meds. Maybe she was right.Â
He was relieved when he made it to the store, offering him a brief respite. There was only one other customer who seemed to be studying two bottles intently. Kieran made his purchase, making easy small talk with the grizzled cashier trying to ignore his stomach twisting in knots.
He rubbed his hands together in an attempt to get warm, an awkward motion carrying bags of glass bottles. He hummed to himself as he walked, a cheesy romance he hoped would stave off anxious thoughts. He glanced behind. A couple of men were trailing at a steady pace, scarves concealing their faces. He turned back to face forward, his pace quickening just slightly. People are allowed to walk behind you, Kieran. He told himself firmly. Learning to face your fears is an important part of recovery. Donât let anxiety control you.Â
âŠBut heâd also been taught to follow his instincts. What was he supposed to do when every gut feeling told him to run?Â
He considered stopping to let them pass. Would that just make him seem suspicious? It would probably be weird. Home wasnât far, heâd be there soon. A black car with tinted windows was parked up ahead. Had it ever been there before? He shook his head. Paranoid. Heâs just paranoid. Lukas had always said so. It was hardly an unusual car, itâs no surprise heâd never noticed it. And people were allowed to visit.
Still, as he got closer his shoulders hunched, blood rushing in his ears. His stomach cramped, tightening painfully as every signal in his body rang wrong, wrong, wrong. Something was wrong. He halted in his tracks, willing himself to move, his body frozen as his mind raced, every alarm bell screaming go back, go back, danger danger dangerdanger-
A heavy weight slung around his shoulders drawing him in. He opened his mouth to yell, a gloved hand silencing him. Something hard pressed into his back, small and rounded and fuck, this wasnât happening, this couldnât be happening-
âDonât make a sound,â A gruff voice whispered, a voice that didnât sound natural. They were trying to disguise it. âCome with us quietly, and there wonât be any problems.âÂ
Kieran nodded numbly, his heart hammering against his chest. With a small nudge from whoever stood behind, with a gun did they have a gun please say thatâs not a gun he was bundled into the black car where someone was already waiting to drive away. Two men sat either side of him, blocking every exit.
âHead down,â One commanded, shoving his head to his knees before he even had a chance to do so himself. His shopping bag was placed by their feet. Theyâd probably take the drinks for themselves. They took his phone too, along with his wallet leaving him with no form of identification.Â
âWho are you?â Kieran dared to ask, his voice trembling. âWhere are we going?â
âShut up.âÂ
They were going to kill him. Oh god, he was going to be murdered, his body thrown in a woods somewhere or a lake or burned and oh god. Would they ever find him? Would his mother get to bury him? What about Abi, would she blame herself? How long would it take her to grow concerned? Was she already pacing around anxiously, wringing her hands, waiting for him to come home?
When they were out of city limits, they pushed him to the floor, wrapping cloth around his eyes, binding his wrists and ankles with duct tape which they also placed over his mouth. They must have driven for miles. He was transferred to another vehicle at some point, open conversations taking place in a language he couldnât understand. Occasionally theyâd rip the tape off to pour water down his throat. He fell asleep at one point, he thought. It was all a haze, fuzzy memories leaving him unable to distinguish whatâs real and what is fake.Â
Next thing he knew he was being roughly dragged outside, mud staining his clothes as he was thrown to the floor.Â
âGood to see you again, Angel.âÂ
Kieran stilled, every hair on his neck stood on end, his heart leapt to his throat. He thought it might just stop.Â
âWhat? Cat got your tongue?â Lukas jeered, his honeyed voice washed over Kieran like acid. The blindfold was yanked off his face, letting him look up to a man he wished heâd forgotten.Â
Calloused fingers cupped his cheek tenderly, bronze eyes filled with such gentle warmth met his own. He used to melt under that same gaze, putty in his hands. He would have done anything to please him, debased himself in so many ways just to see those soft eyes look at him once more.Â
Now they just filled him with fear.Â
âItâs been so long, hasnât it Angel? Were you afraid you wouldn't see me again? I was beside myself. I couldnât close my eyes without seeing your face, haunting me like an enthralling ghost. I didnât know what to do, I was so lost without you.â Lukas grabbed Kierans face in both hands, leaning in so close their noses almost touched, staring deep into his eyes in a way that made his skin crawl. This couldnât be happening. This had to be some horrible nightmare, he was gone, he got out, he fled across half the country just to be safe and it wasnât enough. He wanted to scream, wanted to yell, wanted to kick and scratch and do anything that would get him out of here, anything to never be trapped with this monster again.Â
But his limbs were bound, his mouth stuffed full of cloth. Even if they werenât, he wasnât sure he was capable of it. Heâd never fought back then. He hadnât changed at all, not really. He was still the same meek figure heâd been back then.Â
âYou should never have left me Angel,â Lukas breathed, his breath hot on his face. âYouâll never leave me again.â
If you enjoyed please consider reblogging, it really helps the reach and lets others enjoy it too!
Being kidnapped by your abusive ex is bad enough - even worse is Lukas needs to make money. How will he do that? Hurting his Angel on camera, of course <3
#no proofread we die like men#whump#whumpblr#kidnapping whump#whump writing#oc#Kieran#whump community#whump fic#oc whump
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On one hand, Ive been saying ever since Kuro Neko that Marinette has a god and victim complex and thinks reality starts and ends with her which constantly leads to people ending up much worse for it (Adrichat in particular) and nothing significant getting fucking done because of how irrelevant Marinette herself is
So sure, you can bet your ass i feel validated by the "Ladybug will decide for the world what the truth is" development and how much worse everything is clearly about to get. In that sense, I'll sure have the time of my life now lol
But on the other hand, nah, I still never wanted this. I'll have my fun with it now that I'm proven right because of how awful the emotional journey was for me watching all this unfold. I wasn't even surprised by Kwamis Choice or the season 5 finale, that was imo obvious ever since season 4. At this point, I'll just enjoy it as a salty bitch. Fuck it, I earned that when I called these awful plot resolutions years ago and I only get further validated for what I "salted" on Marinette.
Or, wait. Is it even SALT when I continue to be proven right over and over again? Sounds like I'm reading it RIGHT while Marinette fans still go on disregarding 90% of the show and then call themselves FANS Lol
---
What a time for the fandom, when describing what happens in canon counts as salt. Every single time "non-salty" people describe the actual, canon episodes, they have to accompany it with constant refrains of âbut Marinette is really stressedâ, âbut Marinette is in a really difficult spotâ, âbut Marinette isnât the only one doing these thingsâ, âbut Marinette is too young to be in this situationâ or my beloathed âbut Marinette has good intentionsâ.
That's why I've decided to embrace the salt.
Here's a really salty take: if Marinette is so incapable of answering for her actions, then maybe she shouldnât be taking on so many responsibilities to begin with. According to all these defenses of Marinette, these supposed good faith takes on her behavior, she is too incompetent or emotionally compromised to be expected to act in a moral way, too young to make sound decisions about anything, too paranoid or blinded by her own sense of moral superiority to take perspectives other than her own into account and too weak mentally to handle her boyfriend having emotional needs.
If Marinette really is this incompetent and incapable, maybe she shouldnât be having everyone else lie to Adrien based on her judgment call. If she really is so mentally weak that she canât handle the grieving and changing of his world view that her boyfriend needs to go through in order to live his life to the fullest (or as fullest as a remote control robot can get), maybe she should just leave that to the other people in the know. Kagami wants to tell Adrien the truth, let her. And let her deal with the aftermath, too. Meanwhile Marinette can just skip off to be worshiped by her parents, friends and ex boyfriend, now that heâs back in town.
Yeah, Marinette would be the most selfish girlfriend ever for just dumping Adrien until he stops being sad, but sheâs being one regardless. The only thing different is that then Adrien would know and maybe heâd reconsider if such a one-sided relationship where heâs expected to give all the support while receiving none in return is what he really wants and needs. Maybe Adrien should know, not only what he is and who his dad really was, but who his girlfriend really is: someone too weak to be his partner not only for the better, but also the worse.
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stares at myself in the mirror stop spiralling over why someone this pretty wants to keep hooking up with you and just enjoy it while it lasts for the love of god please be normal
#i just freak out when attractive people give me attention#it makes me feel like. paranoid i suppose#because itâs like what possible interest could you have with me#me when my brain tells me to act anxious and stand offish and peculiar when someone i like gives me attentionđ«Ąđ«Ąđ«Ąđ«Ą#itâs fine. they said emotional unavailability is not a turn off. itâs fine.
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New Age AU (Obtaining Killer)
Hey guys! Through with a bot of stuff for the day and I have a sneaking suspicion that this stress headache will not leave me until I finish some projects for work, so I *may* be m.i.a. for a hot second until they stop.
In the meantime, I want to drop this! (Unedited, unrefined, raw off the slab style)
Andddd @ancha-aus and @papiliovolens ! Hello! (Mutzelputz if u see this, the tags weren't working for some reason, I apologize.)
Hope y'all enjoy!
Ccino had convinced him to leave the castle. After nearly a year had passed since his last true public appearance. Since he'd stolen the apple from his brother. Nine months had passed since he'd sent Dream away. He tried not to think about it.
Nightmare had been finding out a lot about his magic. How it made him jittery, and how he felt like he understood so much more. How it made him deeply paranoid, quick to react.
How it made people listen to him.
He figured it was because he was scary now. The negative magic condensed over every inch of his bone wasn't exactly appealing, and the extra limbs which had sprouted from his spine now acted like his own personal weapons. If someone didn't listen, didn't give him an answer he liked, the limbs moved without him even thinking.
It had taken time to learn to better control them. Even now, they writhed in his wake. His nerves expressed through their lashing and twitching as they hovered just above the ground.
The streets weren't exactly crowded.
Upon word of the King's arrival to this small providence, Nightmare had found that many people fled from his path. His travel party of several soldiers, and himself on horseback. He'd always wanted to ride horses. The traitor twin was someone that every citizen wished to avoid.
Ccino had coaxed him outside with promises of fresh air. Apparently there were promising young members of the city guard that Ccino swore would be wonderful future knights. Young warriors for him to bring up loyally under his name, no fear of betrayal.
It had made sense, at the time, but Nightmare hadn't chosen to recruit any of them.
It wasn't to say he didn't want to. Several of the humans and monsters were very talented, and he did his best to give them praise, but he could tell. None of them wanted to work under him. They didn't like him. Rejection and hatred that had pierced him immediately, he could practically taste it.
Ultimately, they would do better here in their hometown. A place they were passionate about protecting, and with people they cared for. Night would not try to mold promising soldiers into his perfect guard. No matter how smart of an idea it may have been.
And so he'd moved on.
Night had visited several smaller shops, onces which couldn't afford to refuse him, and he bought some fabrics, a trinket, some small thing from each place he stopped by. He payed exactly the price he needed for each thing. He wouldn't bribe his people, either. The best he could do would be to remain neutral.
He did discover, against all odds, that he was enjoying this day out. Ccino was, in fact, usually correct about this sort of thing.
The travel had been enriching. Almost exciting. He'd never gotten out of the castle much at all, this was all new and excitingly mundane.
Good things do not last forever.
It was almost sunset when he noticed it. Torches being set up, a platform prepared. A crowd gathering.
An execution, came the mutter from one of his soldiers. Though he recognized the set-up, Night had never been in attendance to an execution. He was morbidly curious. The crowd held such a contempt. A broiling hunger for blood.
He wished he'd wheeled his horse away when a few people were ushered out of a nearby building.
The prison, maybe?
There weren't many of them. Nightmare dismounted his steed, and much to the dismay of the soldiers at his side, he found himself sinking. Into the growing shadows cast by the dying sun.
He re-emerged beside the stage, where the few people were lined up. Ready for death by hanging.
That trick wasn't one that Nightmare quite understood yet, but he was always drawn to feelings of intense negativity. He knew that, now. Something about these prisoners were bothering him, even at a distance, and he found himself more curious as he stood before them.
His guards, at the back of the crowd, hadn't seemed to figure out where he had gone. He had the time, now, to loom over the small group of prisoners.
The city guards, the trained ones, had likely seen him earlier at their headquarters. They did not speak even a word against him as he stared.
Nightmare stared at these faces.
A dog monster, scrappy and scarred, black fur clashing against a few patches of white. One of her ears was missing.
A pair of humans, both men, one with long, curly red hair and another with short-cropped red hair and the beginnings of a beard. Maybe they were brothers?
A skeleton. His sockets dripped with black magic, and his soul was a piercing crimson, just infront of his chest.
A flame monster, small and stout. Their flames a flickering green and purple. One of their eyes had a patch over it.
Nightmare was not great at determining emotions yet. He was hardly versed in his own feelings, but there had been improvement recently. Understanding new emotions had been coming more naturally to him.
Sometimes it hurt, but he was learning.
Now, past the blossoms of a headache, he felt a bit baffled as he subconsciously picked through the negativity these monsters exuded. Their fear. Their pain. Their loss, and their anger.
Oh.
"Only one of you is guilty."
He'd said it without thinking, practically announcing it with a voice that still felt unnaturally deep. A voice which rattled his ribcage and seemed to force past the barrier of darkness around him.
The group before him seemed startled. Confused.
Well, all but the skeleton, who seemed to only raise his skull slightly. As though just noticing Nightmare was there.
"How could you have possibly been jailed in the first place?" He muttered a bit quieter to himself.
He knew, deep down, that there were many, many rules in place for situations like this. Laws which he could challenge. People he could speak to. He could appoint members of his court to each of these people and try to earn their innocence through the rites of the law.
Then again, he remembered the rage of the crowd. The frustration of the people waiting to see these killings take place.
He didn't know what to do.
Now the prisoners, especially the two humans, were staring at him hopefully. He'd managed to shatter the negativity a bit. He believed them. He knew this was wrong.
"I don't know..."
The mutter came again unprompted.
These people would not have the means to repay him for his help. He couldn't just waive fees, or risk his court turning against him. He couldn't afford enemies being made so close to his inner circle.
He couldn't just leave them, though. Not after he'd seen the injustice of it all.
Stuck in his own thoughts, he was drawn out of it by a snickering laugh.
"Just set them free." A voice followed, "You are our King, aren't you?"
Nightmare then found his eyes drawn to the skeleton.
The others had eased themselves away from him. He stood, now, almost alone. He seemed unbothered by speaking up, his sockets held in an almost lazy posture. Tension going completely un-held.
He grinned up as the King, and seemed to watch contentedly as the thought settled in Nightmare's skull.
He could do that. Simply waive their charges. Pardon them. He could do that, surely. Many royals had done it before him for less certain terms. His mother had plenty of times.
"And you are guilty. You'll still be hanged. You know this, don't you?" Nightmare asked.
That was when the Skeleton's lazy sockets seemed to tighten with a sort of glee. Some hidden joke Nightmare wasn't privy to.
"Hmm." This was a poor choice. This was a bad decision. "Tell me, quickly, how you came to be here. Before I proceed?"
Nightmare didn't know why he was asking. He was... curious. Just like he had always been.
Very few people would ever speak straight to his face. Ccino, that was the only one who'd done it since his change. Since the prophecy. This skeleton had done it. He'd spoken when no one else could muster even a plea.
The silence he seemed to bring to every room. Broken, just briefly.
The skeleton stared at him a moment.
"Name's Killer, your majesty." The tone was mocking. "A while back a buddy of mine got into hot water, and I decided to help them out. Now, plenty of bodies later, I'm the one stuck on death row."
Simple. An admission of guilt.
Nightmare stared at him some more.
Finally, it seemed his frantic guards had noticed him. Found him. They rushed to his side, though not as fast as he would've liked. He could feel the frustration seeping from each armored body around him.
"You don't have an aversion to it," Nightmare voiced, "Killing, I mean."
Killer nodded. Unashamed.
It felt strangely calm, still. Perhaps it was because the crowd was still chattering. They likely hadn't noticed Nightmare at all.
The king turned to the city guard, still stood on the steps. "Free these four people. My judgement decrees them as not-guilty."
And, before any time could pass in the slightest. "Killer, I would like you to accompany me, before you abscond."
He'd noticed it. Killer had undone his cuffs before their conversation. Completely freeing himself from his weak imprisonment.
Killer seemed amused at the concept of sticking around to chat.
"If you would, I would like to recruit your services at my castle. I need a man who is willing to kill. And kill swiftly." Ccino said to establish an image. It was obvious now that his reputation would remain in the gutter, no matter what choices he made. He was not Dream.
Killer's sockets narrowed.
"And what would I get for being your little hunting dog?" Again, it was bold. It was new.
Nightmare was sure his expression hadn't changed since he'd come before the group. That same angry glare that sat permanently along his skull. The magic had an image to project.
His tendrils flicked, slightly.
"Payment, room, Fresh meals, and any other amenities you may like, so long as it does not break our treasury." He replied, "All I ask is that you simply obey me. And Me alone."
Not true. He'd probably ask for him to listen to Ccino as well. Once he knew for certain he'd stay.
Killer seemed to be thinking. He eyed they king, up and down. He looked to each of the guard around the king. The ones who were back in position now, though Nightmare could feel their annoyance. Their confusion.
Then Killer turned.
Then he turned back.
"Mm. Can't be worse than the ol' noose." Killer replied. "Funny way to run a country, my king. Hiring the first murderer you spot?"
Nightmare didn't humor that with a response. He was honestly shocked the skeleton had even agreed.
Though, all of that negativity had been swapped out for a glee. Something deep in Killer had changed during their brief interaction. A hope. Night could barely grasp the edges of its existence with his subconscious. But it was there.
.
He ignored the crowds as they grew confused. He ignored the worry pouring from the criminals as he had them released and informed them of their pardon.
He did not ignore when his guards told someone to keep their distance. He glanced up. Killer was standing beyond the guards, looking bored.
Nightmare, trusting fool he was, didn't even ask a guard to watch him to ensure he stayed put.
"Stand down." He ordered the guard, who begrudgingly allowed the skeleton to smugly slip past.
His tendrils kept the monster at a distance Night preferred all on their own. He seemed to take the hint.
"They're all gonna be dead by morning, you know." Killer voiced easily.
Nightmare turned to him, confused. What did he mean by that? He'd pardoned them?
"Are you deaf? The crowd wanted us dead, especially me." He chuckled, "Leaving them here is definitely going to get them killed. If the crowd doesn't rip them apart the second you leave, then it'll happen at night. There will be no witnesses."
Oh... Night hadn't fathomed that these people could turn on the innocent once declared. It hadn't even crossed his mind. Did they have a home to return to? A family they put at risk?
The noose was a fast death, but being murdered? That would've been so much worse.
He could tell, by the way they evaded looking at Killer, that he was right. Nightmare would be sentencing them to a new sort of death if he did it like this.
But he didn't have time for a trial. Or several. The sun was going down, abd Ccino expected him back. The castle needed him present, or they might revolt.
Someone might hurt Ccino.
Oh, he was such a poor ruler. He did not know his people well enough. How he lamented the lessons Dream had taken about crowds and current issues abd how to be likeable.
Night didn't know how to handle this. He was still learning!
A trembled in his hand. He tucked the limb quickly away from where it had been lightly clutching his tunics thick fabric, now hiding it beneath his cloak.
"Killer is right. It won't be safe here, for any of you." He spoke. Thank the gods it didn't sound as shaken as he felt. "I extend an offer to you all. You may stay here, or you may come take up positions among my staff back at the castle. Unlike Killer, I do not expect any crime from you, but you will be paid and housed."
The offer was met with a roar of frustration from the crowd, Nightmare chose to allow his guards to handle it. He watched, carefully, as the four looked between eachother.
The brothers agreed first. (They introduced themselves as brothers as they knelt in thanks.) Then the Dog. She said she had no family left to watch over, starting a new life would be for the best.
The flame refused, saying they would leave town by morning, and try to stay safe.
And so, Nightmare left the town with four new party members. Each had been provided a horse, each tied to one of the guards. Aside from Killer, whose steed was held personally by Nightmare.
He figured Ccino would chew him out for this, for bringing criminals into the castle when he was sent to collect soldiers, but Nightmare had a good feeling about these ones.
They did not hate him. Or fear him. He was helping them. And it felt good.
#hoping this posts. i put it into drafts first...#new age au#Night is a little poorly written here. but I promise it's intentional.#i love making the narration feel just as displaced as the character it's followinh#also. might write smth for Killer's pov of this because I can promise you#90% of it is âthis loser has no clue what the fuck heâ#'s doingâ#in a mix of awe and amusement#and he 100% started with ulterior motives and ended up having a change of heart because of the whole#him sensing vaguely that Night was a weird paranoid kid still#OH#and that odd bit in the middle where Night is doing stuff isn't fleshed out very well#but it's meant to be a show of Night making sure his presence is known + gauging how people react to him being perfectly normal#and more importantly#he lost track of his plans. he's actually not supposed to be doing that. he's still a kid and he wanted to explore!#mm#okay#one more note#Nightmare takes those people back with him right? his castle staff is like 20% people from before and 80% people he freed from#unlawful situations or took in when they had nothing#the public sees it as him taking in shifty#evil criminals. but really? these people look up to nightmare because they were at their lowest and now have stable lives + homes and even#families sometimes#it's just cool#inside the castle is a lot safer than outside#even tho Ccino is still the only one who prepares Night's meals I think a good hunk of the staff would maul anyone they found w/ poison in a#mile radius of the kitchen.#raughhhh#okay fr last thing#I love Killer :] Him being the first is so important to me and I think he deserves the happiness ever
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i havent even watched legacy yet but that fucking kh world did some.. unexpected things to me
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#re:ddd#sora#quorra#tron#riku#was trying to redesign rinzlerâs helmet bc god. its. kinda fucking boring. leaning into the beast more#also teh helmets eyes are supposed to look angry when its down and sad when its up. bwaaa#i heard rinzler acts like a cat. thats soemthing to look forward to when i watch the movie. grins.#the three dots are supposed to be the classic t. btw.#theres four you just cant see the last one.#made sora look more liek his space paranoids look because he needs to retain the 80s swag.#this reads like a change log.#and my good friend quorra. idk if iâve even posted that redesign b4.#yes im making her quote the ur my pockets eddie post#i think she needs to chew on things. maybe she should maul clu with her fucking teeth.#shes so unorthadox girl to me. do you see my vision.#also dw about riku falling or paralelling tron or anything hes fiiine.#speaking of the falling art. its old. so its inaccurate to how i draw riku now#before my brain was huge basically.#its so funny how i drew this much art for legacy like. i love tron 1982. i havent watched legacy yet but i feel like im gonna hate it.#the kh world was okay but it had a lot of potential and. uh. made me a BIT insane at the last part in soraâs story (EXPLODES)#also this post is tagged re:ddd for. reasons. dw about it.#ANYWAY GN ITS 1 AM. RUNS AT MACH SPEED.
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday đ#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose đâïž#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy đ#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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it's funny bc on the one hand i genuinely don't really care if people dislike me or find me off-putting, but on the other hand i am very well attuned to people disliking me or finding me off-putting, which means i'm constantly in this weird position of like. i can tell you don't like me for whatever reason, and i don't really care that much about it, but also this is kind of making things awkward for everybody else and i wish there was a way to stop it that wasn't just me fucking off somewhere else.
ah well.
#samtxt#i suppose i'll just have to live with it. not that big of a deal#it mostly ends up making me feel second-hand embarrassment like...#either you don't know how obvious you are being and that's a whole new layer of awkward#or you do know and you're apparently not brave enough to at least tell it to my face. blease#i'm just grateful that i've stopped trying to rationalize it into me being paranoid and now i just fuck off pre-emptively LOL#saves me a lot of grief in the long run i think!
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Hrm
#so likeâŠâŠ uh#I always feel scared? to post content I make be it fanart or cosplays of lore olympus anymore to tumblr bc like ppl bash it so much lately#when rlly itâs like super a matter of people conflating âmedia I just personally donât like and am not intoâ to being âproblematicâ#Iâve heard every reason why people think itâs evil but like. just say you donât like the romance genreâŠ#itâs just supposed to be a cute and fun romance novel in webcomic format#like every claim against it on why itâs âevil badâ I can refute (obviously like not just little personal âI donât like this thingâ but like#@ the people who get so heated over it)#I say this also as a Greek person who has literally done a lil bit of acedemic university level research on the Homeric hymn to demeter#the comic isnât trying to be an ~aCcUrAtE iNtErPrEtAtiOn~ itâs trying to be a romance story riffing off the concept#(not to mention people blatantly misunderstanding LO!Persephone as a character#like to the point where theyâre literally just being ironic since sheâs so misunderstood by a lot of people in the comic too)#(like just say you hate height differences also. as someone who is short and looks younger than I am like these people r literally just sayi#saying things that make me feel like oh so then I should never be in love bc even though Iâm an adult I might not look old enough to have a#parter whoâs even the same age as me bc thatâs the same thing as a child w an adult. which is like. thatâs already something I have always#struggled with and internalized and been paranoid about and unfortunately since I track various mythology tags I constantly get stuff like#that spewed at me and hooo boy does it make me feel inadequate#not to mention the fact that now in the comic Persephone is literally thirty years old bc there was a time skip#I get it this might not be your favorite interpretation of Demeter but it works for the context of this story#itâs not trying to be the ~canon~ Demeter. itâs trying to be functional to the story lo is telling#anywhoâŠ. nyall just let me have my silly little romance storyâŠ. not everything has to be a fight over problematic or notâŠ.#just let me have a silly little romance story to sigh about plsâŠ.
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Whenever i am told thangs abt the leech i just go. What an embarrassing person gosh
#iykyk#god damn#The stupidest and most oblivious person ive ever came in relatively close contact with /gen. With several ppl who know them irl agreeing#i kind of feel bad they dont even realize this but not gonna bother myself with it its just me going damn#unfortunate#apparently they are under impression im a lurker. one of their MANY projections but possibly the funniest/most pathetic one#i literally did not see their blog/crs blog since waaay back when we were still getting along#i have 0 reason to go in their spaces#last ive heard they were obsessively going thru tags on my posts day in and out#at work out of work#that makes ONE lurker in all this haha even crink knew to stop at some point LMAO#literally all i know is from ppl telling me soz m8#osmosis#just. the fact they believe ppl care enough to lurk on them is really funny in a sad way#ive been told they are paranoid abt one of their followers or something?#theyre nobody i know but stay paranoid ig#the assumption ppl would care enough#i was chortling while having old pellets read out for me#i would have to be insane to care abt what someone like that says#by which i mean an undiagnosed unmanaged shut in#quote /the universe hates them/#definitely nothing to do with them being a mess#fitting that they have an alter ego/sona that is just their bad traits concentrated#like yeah. why are we even upset LMAO#projection town on their end allllllll the way it just screams /unwell and out of the loop/#they dont know... ajajaj...#night was not happy abt that post no surprise there#YES they are enabling infidelity yes they are inserting themself. was supposed to stay in the house a few months and now. poor night jfc#nine months to go is too long#im so glad she told them
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in my hc the noble houses of menzoberranzan operate similarly to the houses in ice and fire where theyâre constantly feuding with each other but instead of trying to take the throne/control of the whole realm theyâre all fighting for lolthâs favour instead. and because they canât outright declare war on each other (forgot the reason for why they canât exactly do that but iirc lolth doesnât like it?? she loves the drama I guess) and if they rise too quickly lolth casts them down so they have to be cunning about it. not to mention if they stay too long in power and do nothing about it that also displeases the spider queen so the nobilityâs game of intrigue is constantly moving and working both for self gain and for self preservation.
shriâiia also plays the game but more of a pawn than a player. sheâs not born from any noble house (sheâs actually a commoner). the only reason why she has any foot in the game is that sheâs taken in by the matriarch of faen tlabbar - one of the houses who fervently worships lolth to the point of zealotry - when theyâve heard word that sheâa commonerâhave managed to succeed lolthâs trials and gained her blessing. lolth blessings are rare to come and making someone a paladin is even more rare so for a zealot house, thatâs a a sign they canât pass up. so, the house matriarch takes her in and keeps in a tower where sheâs supposed to pray and train to lolth day and night. the paladin oath that shriâiia swears is both for lolth and her matriarch; she swears to punish the enemies of her mistresses and forever keep her loyalty to them. her matriarchâs word is an extension to lolthâs will, so to disobey her will be disobeying lolth herself.
and ofc shriâiia being born poor with everything to give and nothing to lose, who thought that there is more to her life than a merchantâs daughter, to be known by the goddess she worship and noticed by one of the most influential houses in the city, swears herself to that oath. she never regretted that choice not even when sheâs kept in that tower in complete isolation with her matriarch being the only person she could interact with.
#shriâiiaâs backstory to me is like og fairy tale of rapunzel but instead of the witch raising her to be a daughter#the witch raised her to be a very well trained guard dog instead#see Iâm just thinking; in a setting where subterfuge is key and the truth is what people is made to believe instead of the actual#factual truth .. the fact that you have a person that no one knows about and is unquestioningly loyal to you that is like your biggest#asset. since she can do everything for you and leave without a trace and no one can link it back to you nor accuse you of being the one#responsible. like in ice and fire sheâd be the equivalent of varysâ little birds but sheâs only one person lol#anyway does shriâiia develop a toxic codependent relationship with her matriarch? ofc she does#shes trapped in that tower for 100+ years and thatâs the only person#not to mention constant isolation can fuck up your mind so ofc she gets obsessed with her. and her matriarch KEEPS her obsessed esp in a#city where youâre not supposed to trust anyone .. her matriarch says that shriâiia is the only person she trusts so ofc sheâll feel special#and this is also why she feels so out of place and paranoid in act 1 events where she gets kidnapped and dropped off on the surface#bc not only thatâs her first time being in the surface she also hasnât gone outside nor interacted with anyone in a long time#and her choice of being compliant and following instead of asserting her own dominance and being a general menace as expected for lolthâs#followers is a survival tactic since she literally doesnât know what to do or how to go home#and thatâs the first choice she had made for herself in so fucking long and thatâs what also leads her to her oath breaking#= which is being free from lolthâs dogma and her mistress essentially#anyway I have more thoughts abt this but Iâm like ⊠it makes sense.. TO ME ..!
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yeah no im not going to lie to you gewls. the psychic damage of having to apply for the full-time version of my internship a year ago was kinda unbearable but like it made sense that i had to do that. but the psychic damage of having to apply for the literal EXACT same job that i am CURRENTLY IN just at a regular status with better benefits⊠is quite simply unspeakable. make it make sense.
#purrs#i feel horrible for complaining abt it bc again⊠im potentially getting fast tracked to regular status and a raise and that is an extremely#generous big deal. but how the fuck am i supposed to do any of this. like you mean i have to do a peasant dance ON THE PODIUM after winning#the dance competition âïžâïžâïž like how do i even write this cover letter or ask for references or anything. i get why they have to do a searc#so itâs equitable and fair and whatever but this position was MADE for me and im already in it like⊠itâs fucking embarrassing for everyone#involved. why are we going through all of this why are you making me a dog in a thundervest AGAINNNNNN. attacka you attacka you attacka you.#delete later#like i feel so much despair agout it but itâs also so upsetting itâs funny. of course i have to apply for my own job not once but TWICE.#hell watch it be three times too once i finish killing myself getting a masters degree i donât even want đđđđđđ itâs all rainbows and#sunshine until they decide i have to walk across the coals one more time just for kicks huh. and you wonder why im on the verge of a nervous#breakdown literally constantly and am extremely distrustful and paranoid about anything having to do with my positioning in this work LOOOOL#like actually wha happened last year was i walked across the coals and then as soon as i made it safely to the other side a volcano erupted#and we all drowned in lava but i survived and now itâs like oh you have to walk across the coals again đ LIKE STFU DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HELL#IJUST OVERCAME. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it isnât of course and i get it but also like WHAT the fuck. this sux đ
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.
#can I just release my anger and frustrations out? lol#sooooo an argument happened bet me and my twin#am gonna fucking tell my side okay?#today i got another appointment with an ent#and sooooo I did what i can do with chores before I leave#and okay there was supposed to be someone whose coming here today to do laundry and she is late#and my twin asked me to call someone who knows the one who did the laundry and I DID#i was getting ready and all of a sudden my twin cursed me out and got angry with me#all of a sudden#I was so confused#then since i didnt know what she was mad about i just kept quiet and then she asked me what's the number of that someone who knows the#laundry girl..she said that to me in an angry tone..i told her I already called and she coulve asked me normally about it#but she is mad and suddenly called me paranoid and all that shit? and am like where is this coming from?#she thought that the laundry girl wont make it and since am leaving for quite some time she will be the one who will do laundry#and I told her if that's whats making you mad you dont have to do it..call mom and tell her if the laundry person isny gonna come she will#find smone else and she said no if I wont do it no one will and am like ?????? but i was so frustrated atp i was yelling back madly lol#and now i realized that maybe she was mad at me coz she is left with some household chores since am gone for a while? coz of my appointment#but she still mad at me though and I also am and I dont think i can ever ever talk to her again#like seriously i thought it was just the phone call but she has all other issues with me and i dont understanf#i feel so bad and am mad and idk am just crying rn#idk if am the one in the wrong#like seriously#this is so long but idk where to dump this shit
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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting
#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that#to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money#any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and#he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just#he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me#and now i. know why he did that lol#but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back#or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me#and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship#genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and#pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i#realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically#and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot#with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would#hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he#was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week#on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick
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i am genuinely so unmedicated (babygirl)
#vent#long one in the tags below#had a series of breakdowns over the past 4 days.. lowkey struggling with delusions and hearing things that aren't true/real#and straight up dissociating to the point where i dissociate when i drive (it gets dangerous when i can't See cars but i know they're There)#was freaking out the other week because i kept hearing a sweeping sound but no one is sweeping but it's so loud in my hear#and like someone's whispering while i practice guitar at night or i feel paranoid#i had to step out of class the other day for 1h+ because i was having some episode#i wake up and i cry but i don't know why or what for#i think everyone's lying to me.. i know we're all friends but everyone is lying to me#i feel like an imposter in someone else's life.. and i'm unable to live up to the standards required#i've been physically sick for the past month (cough and colds)#i'm perpetually tired.. i've started to have more violent thoughts and it scares me#oh sometimes my brain forgets how to read..#it's all quite terrifying i don't know how to act normally when life is frightening to live#i'm losing touch with everything i once enjoyed.. drawing and making music are harder for me now and i miss that feeling#im sorry i'm quite out of it..#i have a report due in an hour.. i will go finish that#I am not happy with who I am. i donât know who thatâs supposed to be anymore
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im too high to be thinking this hard about simon alkenmayer
#one would really REALLY think this would be one of those like.. tumblr deepdives or something#id say somebody should make one of those but like i feel kinda sick thinking about it too hard in general#it's just. such a strange experiment#and like in my little search thing i was doing#there was all this stuff. all this variety of horrific shit they wrote or whatever#but like . i cant even get through a paragraph or whatever#like if i read too much of that faq or whatever#i just feel genuinely sick. like. this 'experiment'#like.. i cant even talk about individual issues here because like. theres just the constant implication and context within every post#like 'yeah i eat people and you 'gentle readers' who are aware of me are the only ones who are off the menu'#like . girl you do this and insist you Care Not For Petty Human Squabbles or whatever#and then say something antisemetic . like dont you fry human fingers and restore antiques. why are you taking time OUT OF YOUR DAY--#and that's exactly it!!!!!!! what i just did!!!!! you can't even point out like actual fucking issues#because you gotta give the fucking cryptid legitimacy . like what the fuck am i supposed to do here#and like i'm paranoid . genuinely paranoid now for like . safety now#and dont get me started on the cop shit. fuckin grey light yagami or whatever the fuck#im thinking about this too hard but i need a deep dive and some genuine conversation and not on their terms lmao
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