#it looks like a comedy lmao hell yea

[executionersghost]

New haunted mansion movie??? With Danny DeVito?

[pumpkinsy0]

I personally don’t agree with the universal opinion that a part of the fandom seem to have is that Darry and Soda would despise Curly because of the way that he is, and doesn’t ever want them around Ponyboy because he is a bad influence.

While I do agree with a part of it, I think Darry and Sodapop don’t agree with the lifestyle that Curly has going on, but understand his predicament and situation and the reason he is the way that he is, as well as they wouldn’t prefer Ponyboy to hang around Curly because of the messes they could get into that could cause consequences to their actions, e.g the state taking him away because of their negligence and such.

Along with my Arab American headcanon, as Hospitality is a part of their culture, and respect is always forefront to make their guests feel comfortable and welcomed around their presence, they would still look out for Curly, even if he does insist that he doesn’t need anybody to look out for him because he could handle himself. And while still being around the same age as Ponyboy, they don’t really believe that, so if it was needed, (like patching up injuries and PB wasn’t around,) they’d be more than happy to take care of him if he was ever in trouble.

While Curly still does act the way that he does around the Curtis gang, I think he would grow on them, and vice versa.

While Darry is overprotective and such, he does not have any ill will over anybody, especially a teenager because I don’t think a grown man needs to have beef with a teenager, but he’s not overly affectionate towards Curly either LOL

I do think Darry and Tim have a silent oath of some sort to look after each others family whenever it is necessary, while it is not explicitly said between the two, they both know the similar situations they’re in, and to make it easier it would be good if they both were to take care of one another.

On a less serious note, for my Arab Curtis Hcs, I think whenever there would be guests visiting their homes, (minus the gang,) Darry is keen about body language in order to show respect for that guest, (e.g, putting hands in pockets, leaning on walls, etc.) in which Ponyboy and Sodapop do forget sometimes because they don’t often have many people come over, but they do their best to show off respect.

yea i agree!!! now all jokes ive said aside bc i was just being dramatic for the sake of comedy, but i have talked about this before!!!

for darry ive always imagined that its less to do w curly himself, more to deal w the fact that if pony gets in trouble and curly is found w him, it looks bad on him and he could get taken away, darrys focused on what curly could bring WITH him than just curly himsef, thats kinda y i never understood darry AND soda hating on curly, darrys a grown ass man, i dont think hes going out of his way to full on beef w someone like 5 years younger than him, he has to worry about his family lmao

plus, darry lets pony hang w dally, i dont think he’d mind pony and curly hanging out casually, but all the time??? hes a litttlleeee worried

for soda, i genuinely do disagree w how far i think ppl go w for protective he is w pony and hiw he hates curly, bc i dont think he hates him!!! at the end of the day, i do think soda would look out for curly, theyre greasers after all, theyre in this together, but i do think soda would b the one thats the MOST annoyed w curly and that partially bc curly doesnt rlly respect him (and pony a lil but) which, yea ok understandable, but i dont think he would full on VOCALIZE it 24/7 365, at most i think soda is passive aggressive??? like hes still trying to b nice, but if curly steps out of like he says something small, looks a certain way w his eyes, maybe shifts around a lil more, maybe kinda pushing chrly to leave earlier than pony wants, THAT kind of thing, i dont think hes like “GRRRR GET THE HELL OUT NOW SHEPARD SCUM GRRRR”. however i must say that some of his protectiveness just comes from general fear (?????idk if thats the right word) of pony growing up

anyways ive said it before!!! when it comes to darry and sodas views on papercut, sodas mostly looking at pony while darrys focused on curly!!! but i do personally disagree that they see where curlys coming from bc for my own lore reasons they dont 100%, but i see where ur coming from!!!

ANYWAYS ARAB CURTIS BROS WOOO YEAAA LETS GOOO

when it comes to their hospitality, id say that it plays a HUGE part into y they leave their door unlocked, yes its for the gang, but generally i think theyd try to help anyone they can, u need to b pretty desperate to come into a strangers house after all, theyd feel bad for turning someone away, like yea, i GUESS they could, but doesnt mean that they wont hope that person isnt ok later on and they wouldnt b thinking about em

plus!!! darrys strong as hell, if someone came in to hurt them he could probably literally throw em out like they do in cartoons

and culturally speaking!! when it comes to curly and ponys openness, curlys always telling pony to stop helping everyone bc not everyone will help u, but pony just generally cant help it, its just in his nature, its a bit of a cultural misunderstanding between em

[immessingaround]

i can put together a list of stuff i like, stuff that i recognize as "cool" or "interesting". some of this stuff brings me joy. all of this stuff i am grateful for it existing. i want to be able to add and complete this list so i can look back on it and be reminded of what i have when i feel like i am nothing.

pete the cat

leonard cohen / songs of love and hate album

doing eye makeup (eyeshadow, liner, mascara)

garfield

polo shirts

jennifer Lawrence

ethel cain ptolemaea "stop" scream

also preachers daughter by ethel cain

chris pratt/jared leto hate hell yea

the cat emojis😸😹😺😻😼🐱😽😾😿🙀

saw iii angel trap

baggy black jeans

eyebrow slit

my old black lace up boots

ada wong microwave edits

ellipsis "dot dot dot" ...

people writing cuss words/weird things w lettering decor in stores (ex: 'kms' stockings at kohls)

7/11 by beyonce

gardettos

poetry i relate to

wham! last christmas pudding mix

considering broad and pointless philosophical questions (i.e. what is the meaning of life?)

christmas (ofc)

80s comedies (ferris bueller, better off dead, big, ...)

sad brokeback mountain edits

angel/religious imagery, iconography, references

alvin (and the chipmunks)

spelling "with/without" as "w" or "w/(o)"

trail mix

children of men last 40-45 mins specifically

tajin watermelon/peach rings

ikea model hand 🖕

pinterest

fuzzy socks

bti cg

ghostbusters

life is strange quotes "ready for the moshpit shakabrah" "holy shit are you cereal" "rachel in the dark room" "youre gonna DIE, motherfucker" "ik ur pumping drugs n shit to kids around here..." "i need to medicate" "shake that boney white ass" "no moshpit for you shakabrah"

classic movies

when u call me daddy (nvm she left lmao😭)

caramel coldbrew m&ms

(green) mechanical pencils

santa alter ego

mr x thomas the train mod in re2

weird/unique compliments

wearing jewelry

bolos or ties

my green skull necklace ilyyy

elektra from marvel (comics)

my handwriting idc if its messy

"can a loc come up in your crib?" scene from gta

"no i didnt kill him... but i did kidnap his wife!" scene from gta

pretending im a man

"i took her to my penthouse and i freaked it"

songs that begin like other songs but arent that song

12 am bathroom concerts

ppl who look unique

uno +4 cards

hawaiian shirts

(organized) clutter

bjork

keepin the streak (i mean chopping it up)

messing around in big stores

whole lotta red christmas ver.

baggy shorts (would totally still wear u)

we are the people by empire of the sun

mauve or plum UR MY FAV COLOR UGHH😩

a horse walked into a bar... i love that joke

updog "what's updog?" "not much. hby?"

we cry together clean ver.

being a lesbian so glad i dont like men

"walmart version of justin bieber"

grey spelled w an e

"culturally significant/pop culture moments i think about regularly/we dont talk about enough" videos

pretending im not living my own life

ornate things

going through old closet/junk

laying on the floor in front of my mirror w grouper or ethel cain playing (i want to get out of the house)

making spotify playlists after memes/tt audios

pajama pants

"LEAVE ME ALONE" "HES GONNA GET MEEE"

johnny cage (the international love edits from last year)

leon kennedy and those smooth operator edits

temp tattoos

roller skating

gorey/grotesque drawings

goretober

jar of flies by aic

pitbull mr worldwide mr 305

kevin gates ethical freak concert

jane from breaking bad

harris/chares my snake

painting my nails. all my beautiful nail polish ty😫

hash browns

mini beanie babies (the ones on my floor)

smores goldfish w the marshmallows even tho it got discontinued

eyeliner in my waterline

fake fruit in stores

deep red roses

george harrison

mix matched socks

coconut/lavender smells

coffee flavored things

soggy purple grapes

cashews

funky eyeshadow colors and palettes

my moms old lipstick colors (they are beautiful)

cherry flavored things

drawing on a mustache

turquoise and silver jewelry

samples in stores

physical touch (never get any😼)

purple hair dye (u made my life sm better)

gingerbread smells

my gta character

keyboard spam

smelling candles in stores ofc

carmex chapstick

immessingaround@myyahoo.com

gum / altoids (the pink ones)

silver jewelry/rings

last.fm

pineapple flavored things

mascara on bottom lashes

brownies

doawk

being a cowboy ig

no doubt

"your final challenge... let yo bih stroke yo bone"

"oh hell yea jigsaw you da goat!" audio

my celeb crushes

scooby doo characters

drawing crude cat drawings

catch me if you can

nacho from better call saul

chicken taquitos

aloe vera gel

i am mclovin☝️

these emoji combos: 🤠🔫, 🎅👍, 😹🫵

hoop earrings

commas, i literally abuse the comma key everytime i touch the damn keyboard

q tips

drawings ppl as drag queens (using artist's free will)

hair clips

xiuxiu

sky lights

fargo movie woodchipper scene

spotify obvi

[lqfiles]

okay…. imessages games I AM SO HAPPY

also dw abt me spending too much time here, i was on a four days long weekend while i was active :3

also skating sounds REALLY cool i always wanted to try but in my town the place where people learn to skate is filled with weed and other drugs not to mention mean ppl so yea… also i am NOT skilled at volleyball 😭🙏🏻 well im kinda getting better now cause i started playing back in 2022 but after a game in another school some dudes were kinda molesting us and talking about our bodies so i got creeped out and stopped playing… and came back this year! i wanna be a libero this time, not a setter…

also the whole college stuff…? sounds complicated AF i would not survive. also you must be really smart to be in level 3 right? im sure you’re doing a great job now too !! <3

also IKR chenji sre like brothers like pls look at them….. jisung sees him as a role model and chenle can rely on him and they can have fun together BUT MARKMIN??? cutest

whenever someone mentions markmin i always remember that live where jaemin was messing around and mark says somethin like steve jobs sit down bc of his clothes… renaissance comedy perchance

i always write too much u need to tell me to shut up or otherwise i wont 🫤🫤 its REALLY cold here around the VII region in Chile idk abt the UK but TAKE CARE AND REST!!!!!

also im really serious about imessages games 🙂

- 🐣 anon <3

LOLL what is a better bonding experience than playing imessage games? NOTHING!

OH i don’t skate ANYMORE i used to as a child but i know my friends do. still, it can’t be worse than than england cos literally every street here smells like weed (even my school bathrooms.. just unclassy as hell) ALSO WHAT THE FUCK…. i hope you and the other girls are okay, ughhh men are so fucking insufferable, i’ll never understand why they’re so comfortable acting like that to women. i’m happy it didn’t fully ruin volleyball for you and even tho i have no clue what those positions are i hope you’ll get to be libero too ^^

trust me i’m not smart lolll i actually failed my maths exam the first time which is why i wasn’t allowed to immediately go to a level 3 lmao 😭 BUT WE UP NOW WE’RE DOING GOOD college is honestly not too complicated, the teachers help us (kinda) so it’s bearable.

OH EXACTLY EXACTLY see i do believe chenji are soulmates but their dynamic is not ALL THAT 😑 people just want to see them fuck that’s what’s going on.. markmin on the other hand 🥺🥺🥺 if you were to ask me to define markmin it would be that one huya live they did during helfu/hotsa era, jaemin was so clingy to mark and being a baby while also joking around and they were so cute together i think that was literally my markmin awakening.. THE STEVE JOBS JOKE WAS CRAZYY WHY DID HE VIOLATE JAEMIN LIKE THAT LMAOOO

its surprisingly been hot here lately, seems like the weather is preparing for summer lol i hope you stay warm tho <3 don’t catch a cold and don’t worry i like it when you guys ramble i can put my own input into stuff which i love so pls continue!

[teenyweenynightghost]

SPOILERS

Part two of my annotations of The Cruel Prince (yes im aware it has taken an awful lot) (ch 4-10)

Jude has one of those pretty baldakin beds

“His fingers heavy with rings” Jude was certainly paying attention to some aspects of Cardan

“Make me” Top 10 list of things Jude Duarte has and shouldn’t have said to Cardan, a prince of faerie, who most definitely rocked her shit after

“I could, you know” says Cardan, grinning as though nothing would please him more.” - ok we get it you’re horny

“And Cardan is even more beautiful than the rest” honey what’s new

“And cheekbones sharp enough to cut out a girl’s heart” its canon

“I hate him so much that sometimes when I look at him I can hardly breathe.” - Jude being an idiot for 10 minutes straight

“And Cardan whispers foul things in my ear.” - my new favorite hobby is taking Jurdan quotes out of context

“You’re no killer.” - Madoc being dumb as shit for 10 minutes straight

“Let’s have a toast. To the incompetence of our enemies.” - This line is iconic and the only reason I haven’t lost all hope for Madoc yet

“Cardan watches me.” - Jurdan out of context

So in the scene where Cardan yeets Jude and Taryn in the river, we have this quote: “Cardan has one foot in the reeds, as if to take a better look.” WHAT IF, he was actually doing that in case of an emergency. If the pixies would have truly attacked, he was ready to intervene and save Jude.

To further prove my theory, when Jude is throwing rocks at the pixies, “Quit.” Cardan says.” - HE WAS INDIRECTLY WARNING HER

“Cardan’s gaze is hungry, devouring.” -Jurdan out of context. Yes I’m aware he was literally shitting on her whole life in the moment

Lmao the audacity of Cardan to look straight into Jude’s eyes as Taryn was kissing his cheek

“And i was magnificently, extravagantly wrong.” MY NEW FAVORITE QUOTE FUCKS AND FUCKERS

It is canon that Jude has a sweater with a star and Cardan’s first look was a constellation coat

Jude pushes Cardan against a tree 🫡📸

Cardan’s eyes are described as “coal-bright” which i just think is a splendid metaphor

“He looked gleeful, gloating, as though my fist tightening on his shirt was exactly what he would have wished.” -Jurdan out of context. Kinky bastard.

JUDE WORE WARRIOR BRAIDS AT THE TOURNAMENT. hot

“I was struck suddenly by his height, by the arrogant sneer he wears like a crown.” First off, height difference confirmed, second, boy am i in love with this dude

“He would seem like a prince even dresses in rags.” - Aka Jude pointing out for the millionth time that he’s pretty

NOW HERE COMES A SCENE WHICH LOWKEY HAD ME ON MY KNEES

“Do you know what mortal means? It means born to die.” - our philosophy king<3 way to go Cardan

“You corrupt, corrosive mortal creature.” Nah cuz seriously if Cardan told me that I’d fold

“Good. Now, beg my forgiveness.” Again, watch me fold if that happened

“Get down on your knees. […] Beg. Make it pretty. Flowery. Worthy of me.” THE WAY I WAS SQUEALING WHEN I READ THAT

Now here comes Jude’s comeback :

“You think because you can humiliate me, you can control me?” HELL YEAS GIRLBOSS

“Well, I think you’re an idiot.” Comedy queen 🕺even though she had high chances of being killed because of that

So now; here’s when I think Cardan truly fell in love with Jude

“Cardan looks at me as though he’s never seen me before. He looks at me as though no one had ever spoken to him like this. Maybe no one has.”

If that part is really when the spark lights in his heart, im gonna melt

“No one else bothers him quite the way you do.” -great news, Locke is actually capable of saying smart shit

“Cardan emerges in the Royal Box, wearing loose white linen and a flower crown all of roses.” - IS HE WEARING A DRESS? A MATCHING SET? ONLY A SHIRT? The world may never know and that is truly devastating. Also, when he asked Jude to make her begging flowery then his dramatic ass changes outfits and puts on a flower crown 🥲💖

When she is told that a prince is waiting for her downstairs, she instantly thinks of Cardan <3

“I know humans can lie, but watching you do it is incredible. Do it again.” If Dain wasn’t like a few hundred years old that would have been lowkey kinda hot

“Desire is an odd thing. As soon as it’s sated, it transmutes. If we receive the golden thread, we desire the golden needle.” - i just fucking love this quote

Jude thinks of Cardan when she’s asked what she desires most (yes i know i took it out of context. Its her desire to not be controlled by magic and of course she thinks of him.)

I shall be back with part 3 <3 also sorry to everyone who asked for Rotten Hearts pt two. Im on it but my brain no worky. Also if yall wanna be tagged in it lemme know 💖 byee

[saltysalmonkid]

Im still thinking abt the tma dark office comedy thing so heres some random disjointed ideas ive put together:

They kinda do this in the show already but i think it wld be funny if all of them abused the fuck out of the fact that elias cant rlly fire them so they literally dont turn up to work unless they hv to bc theyre itching for it again. Like straight up dont even call in sick they just stay home and laze around with no warning

Melanie and elias hv a fun little tom and jerry thing going on. Every ep she surreptitiously tries to kill him but he always escapes by a hair.

Literally everybody assumes that elias and peter lucas were exes no matter what elias says they cant be convinced and elias is like jon you shld Know im not his ex and jon goes u guys did fuck tho?? And when tim hears he makes fun of elias for a week straight. (Jon doesnt actually Know that he just said it to fuck w elias but judging by his reaction it was probably true)

Also in general their behaviour is very ex- like. Elias is stiff and awkward around peter lucas and peter keeps making little jabs at elias everytime he talks about him. Like the tension is so thick whenever both of them are in the room.

This was stolen from a wwdits/tma crossover fic (thats fucking hilarious btw, go read it its called gaslight gatekeep girlboss LMAO) but jon so DESPERATELY wants to do the The Office deadpan look into the camera thing but everytime he does it the cameras static out and hes very upset about it

Mentioned in my previous post but i think it wld be so funny if ppl all thought helen was just a trans woman like shed be explaining like "yea so i used to be michael-" and then basira or whoever wld be like "noooo queen u were always helen!!1!" and shed be like 🧍‍♂️nvm

Daisy is always dragging arnd dead bodies casually like shed just pass by the office w a body and jon wld be like oh another one without looking up frm his book and shed be like lol fuck off

Everytime jon gets flustered the cameras static out like he'll brush hands w martin or smth and the the screen will suddenly go black and hell be like uhmm. Lol oops that was nothing lmaooaoaooo dont worry about it thats just my Powers Growing or something lol.

People keep going to jon whenever they lose something and its getting v annoying for him so he starts making them pay him. Like 2 bucks per item or something. And he uses the money to fuel his coffee addiction.

Theres an ep where the documentary crew interview the ppl who arent frm the archives and theyre all like normal ass people. Like the receptionists like yeah. Idk theyre weird they all look like theyre one incident away frm a mental brekdown we all kinda keep away frm them and then theres a hard cut to her inching slowly around the hallway where jon is standing motionlessly muttering to himself, his eyes glowing green.

Again mentioned in my previous post but elias just randomly materialises behind ppls backs sometimes and everyone is startled by it but jon. Hes just like get out frm behind me u creep. Fucking hell. But elias has been stabbed by daisy twice frm doing that to her so hes stopped.

[weirdlyfitting]

Okay so yesterday i watched love and thunder and i think it's okay (and yes definitely way better than mom)

Spoilers btw

I think it has a tone problem tho, i like the comedy stuff there should be less jokes in this one

Gorr is amazing as a villain holy shit, the time he appears when he's already corrupted i got chills down my spine! The camera works are *chef kiss

But....

With him being the villain, back to the tone problem i think that's what made this story didn't turn well. Gorr literally wanted to eradicate ALL GODS, that's probably the highest stake in every thor movie ever had.

And gotta admit, i'm thinking a lot to moon knight's story. As in i tried to search for the connections yk but i'll talk abt this later

I feel like there should be some infinity war element kind of tone in here, it's not that in the end the gang's supposed to loose tho but make it as if they're actually going to loose

When gorr almost got to the eternity i feel a bit dissapointed cause yea i knew he'll change his mind/heart or prob not succeeded

Compare this in ragnarok tho, i feel like the stakes with hela was much bigger/higher cause ragnarok pretty much showed a lot of the damages hela has done to the gang from act 1

The screaming goats ruined the scene when the gang just arrived in shadow-realm-planet(???) sorry i forgot the name lmao, anyway i love the goats in other scenes but i hate them in here only, cause seriously it didn't match the gloomy, dark, corrupted tone of the place itself

And i miss loki being in here, i get that the loki that thor knew is gone-actually-gone but i wish there's more of him talking about his bro :(

Aight moving on to stuff that i liked about the movie :

MOON KNIGHT IN THE MARVEL INTRO. I REPEAT MOON KNIGHT IN THE MARVEL INTRO AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! This is the actual reason i want to watch love and thunder lmao, i'm afraid if this is the first yet last time i'm able to see mk in the big screen of this year so yeah

i love the dynamic between the gang tho, and the shenanigans between thor and guardians aweee!!

the kids getting thor's power just pure awesomeness aaaaaaaa!!!!

Val and jane being such awesome sisters in here hehe, i love their energy 🥺

The battle in shadow-realm-planet. JUST LOOK AT THOSE CINEMATOGRAPHY HOLY SHIT!!!

Gorr. Yea only gorr because he's that cool as villain seriously, no other words can explain how i love his character so much

The "just look at the eyes of people that you loved" line aweee, peter's looking at the other guardians and my heart really melted

Mjolnir and stormbreaker lmaooooo, i feel like strombreaker should meet dr strange's cloak???? The chaos from these two omg

Okay now that's sorta everything now i wanna talk about the moon knight connections

When gorr said he'll kill all the gods OH SHIT I'M WORRIED FOR KHONSHU 😔😭

He's a bad as a god and just a pigeon w angry issue yeah but- BUT goddamn i'm actually worried????? Not to mention with jake now serving him so.....the moon bois are technically not safe either SHIT-

Okay maybe they are safe actually? Cause khonshu's the one that'll die

Anyway anyway

Does this makes the whole ammit & harrow trying to eradicate the bad ones POINTLESS in moon knight? Maybe???

Like imagine gorr arrives on earth while ammit vs khonsu stuff is happening, THEY'RE BIG AND WHAT'S HE GONNA DO HUH???? Then even if he's able to kill ammit (and khonshu) this only makes moon knight's journey more pointless and i hate it! A nobody (on mk's perspective) just popped out and finished what marc, steven and layla were trying to do what the hell- >:(

Luckily gorr haven't kill the enneads yet tho, but still this bothered me

Oh and yk we could've had jake joining the gang to kill this god butcher right? Like come onnn (ignore me i'm desperate for more mk lmao)

And- AND

If gorr ever meets harrow i think they would've had a very interesting convo. Harrow is a fanatic while Gorr is a non-beliver, just imagine how clashed these two would be holy shit!!!

Amd I think there's a line that said "eradicating" and all i could think about was harrow, he too was trying to eradicate something tho

[kitty4president]

Your horror film opinions, spill them.

so children today we’re going to talk about the use of gore in the horror genre of film & why it should be credited as one of the main reasons for the decline in quality of horror movies in the 2000s-to-early-2010s 🐱🔪

it’s often debated that horror movies were at their peak in the 70s & i can def see why, but i think a notable reason as to why that would be is that audiences weren’t as used to seeing more graphic stuff thats become more expected of the genre nowadays. one of my personal ideas i consider when discussing horror is that theres a split between the concept of the media itself (story, ideas, tone, the actual driving force behind a movie) & the overall use of blood/gore & other carnal oddities. the best way i find to describe this concept in practice is to use the first two texas chainsaw movies, both are enjoyable movies but are notably very different from each other in that they tip these scales in complete opposite directions from each other (the first being very realist & darker in tone while also not actually being very graphic, whereas the second is MUCH bloodier overall but also going for a much more dark-comedy type experience).

with this idea in mind, looking back at the 70s being considered horror’s golden age is a lot more understandable, since horror movies back then couldn’t rely on graphic gore to find their audiences due to much harsher content laws surrounding it (hell re-animator in the 80s was literally made to be as graphic as possible on purpose & is STILL much tamer gore-wise than most modern horrors), thus would’ve had to really push their core film concepts in order to achieve notability. TCM1 again is the perfect example of this as it’s horror & overall influence on the genre as a whole is very much based on the dread & helplessness captured in the movie over actual graphic content, yet is considered one of the most shocking films of that time period. Alien, while MUCH heavier on gore, is another example as its horror is based on isolation & the unknown, with it’s graphic scenes being present to aid those themes instead of just being there for shock.

here’s where the 2000s become relevant, as horror around that era became almost ALL shock. it’s where you have stuff like the saw series & wrong turn & all those saw-inspired teen horrors that ppl don’t remember, as well as a shitload of remakes & reboots & all that. i dont know for sure what started it exactly, but the overall balance of concept vs carnality suddenly dipped very much into the latter territory with not much going into the former. (saw being listed here might seem like kind of like im gonna be like TORTURE PORN BAD & thats not what im trying to get at here, especially with the series being as iconic as it is. the issue is that no one who’s a fan of that series actually takes it seriously with the overall plot being what it is & thus why it fits here lmao)

the remakes that came out around then are also a prime example (& even main talking point) of the content vs carnage scale. the 2003 TCM reboot is one that i could cite here as well as the black christmas remakes, but a much better & less-considered example would be the difference between the original 1981 version of My Bloody Valentine (a film that was HEAVILY censored upon release & only started getting its cut content restored over 20yrs later) & it’s 2009 remake MBV 3D. the ‘81 version being as gutted as it was back during release with a lot of it’s main kill scenes being cut completely being turned into a movie where the gore is in 3D BABEY!!!! with pretty much nothing going for it outside of that with the story being as nonsense as it is pretty much sets both movies apart as being night & day in terms of the quality of horror during both eras.

considering this though, i could also argue that this is also a big reason why horror films recently have seen a steady incline in quality, since a lot of more recent films in the genre put a big focus on original ideas & concepts, as well as utilizing graphic content to help drive those concepts along instead of just arbitrarily being there. even the aforementioned saw series seems to be trying new things with spiral from what ive heard (cant confirm since i haven’t seen it myself & it’s not a series i particularly rush to see myself but yget it lmao).

so yea basically what im sayin is gore def has its place in horror but it shouldn’t be like, the only thing going for it for a movie to still be enjoyable ya kno! da end ty for reading xoxoxo

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 38

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.3k - 4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: nothing happened yet things happened? idk how i feel about this, i just hope you enjoy it, thank you guys for sticking up to this story ilysm!! oh and i chose this gif just because hes sweating lmao youre welcome! i hope this chapter gets more notes than the last haha

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i added as many as possible lol i even got one WHILE i was writing and added it lmao!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 38 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

April 17th, 2018

"You know what people say when they see a fat girl run." I just let out, raising my nose in a grimace as I tied up my shoes.

"I'm not really the type to listen to stupid people's opinion." Niall replied, making me roll my eyes and sigh before getting up. "And you shouldn't either."

He had convinced me to go run with him and I regretted my 'yes' half a second after agreeing but the way his face illuminated told me that it was too late to go back. I hated running and he knew it, and I was pretty sure he was aware of the sacrifice it was for me. I normally always quote the movie "The Faculty" when he mentions running, because i believe there's no truer words than Casey's line at the beginning of the movie when he says 'I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased.", even if it's sort of ironic since the characters end up running away from an alien who wants to infect them the whole movie. Well, I would probably run if an alien was trying to infect me, too. And apparently, I would also run if it made Niall happy.

"It's easy for you. You've always been popular and cute and all the girls were in love with you."

"That is a big load of bullshit." he chuckled, shaking his head. "I've been told 'no' many, many times."

"I would like to see the statistics of the number of girls telling you 'no' versus the number of girls telling you 'yes."

This time, he's the one who rolled his eyes but he still had a cute smile gracing his lips and it made mine curl, too.

My parents were spending the whole day at friends' house. It was planned before I told them I'd come and visit them and even if they told me they'd cancel, I insisted that they'd just go. I didn't want to ruin their plans, I knew it was some anniversary or something similar and I could spend one day alone with Niall. Easily. Hell, I wanted to spend way more than one day with him.

"The only statistic I care about is this one." he started, clearing his throat. "How much do you love me, on a scale of 1-10."

I let out a genuine laughter and it made his lips curl. "That scale reaches the sky and it's too far away for me to see any number but there's like, 10 digits."

He took a step closer and I moved my chin up as he bent down to press his lips against mine. It felt so good to be back into this, to have a routine together, and to be happy without stress. I wouldn't go as far as saying it was exactly how it used to be but If I took the time to really think about it, it was even better. Back then, he was a bit immature and I was extremely insecure. Those two flaws sort of clashed together and made our relationship so much harder to handle. Now, I was not as insecure, and he didn't seem immature anymore, and I really felt like it could work between us.

We walked out but started running as soon as we were down the stairs. I let out a short groan of annoyance and it made him laugh. I knew he was going slowly just for me and it made me feel a bit guilty. At the same time, I was doing this for him and because he insisted, so the least he could do was wait for me, right? I don't know how long we ran but I hated it. I hated the burning sensation and the dry feeling in my throat, i hated the sweat on my back, and i hated the pain in my legs. God, I hate running. But then I turned to look at him and something twisted in my stomach and I bit my bottom lip. I loved watching him sweat. There was something sexy in watching him like that but it was not really the time and place to jump on him, unfortunately.

"How's your asthma?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Tolerable." I said, glancing at him again. "How's your grandpa knee?"

He chuckled and shook his head, making me smile more. "Could be worse."

After a while, I just stopped, feeling a cramp hurting like hell on my side, and held myself on my knees. He stopped next to me and bent down to look at me. He looked amazing, how did he fucking look so good all the damn time?

"You okay? Enough for today?"

I nodded and he smiled but I held my breath when I felt his hand on my back. I was in it so deep but I secretly hoped that I would never have to hurt again. I had new limits that I wanted to respect but I wouldn't ask him about every single girl gravitating around him, or cry myself to sleep because of a comment online. However, I would still get pissed if he let an other woman who clearly wants in his pants put her number in his phone, and I wouldn't accept him flirting with random girls at bars. The first time we dated, everything seemed to get to me but this time, It would be different. I would choose my battles and not get insecure about every little thing I see. I believed in myself more and I was convinced it helped me believe in him more, too.

We walked back home quickly and from time to time, I could feel his fingers brush against mine. It's in times like these that I really just wished we could be a normal couple. I knew he would be unhappy if he didn't do music for a living, and it would be a shame if his talent and songs weren't heard by millions of people, but selfishly, sometimes, I wished we could just walk around hand in hand without being scared of the comments, the articles and the hate.

I unlocked the door and when I took my shoes off, I grimaced and groaned low, moving my toes and quickly pulling on my socks., leaving them by the door.

"Petal, you reek." he let out before I turned around, raising my eyebrows. He chuckled and shrugged. "It's true, you smell so bad right now."

"I know!" I finally admitted in a laugh.

"But hey, you don't smell as bad as I do." he added, making me laugh more.

"That's practically impossible." I joked as he stuck his tongue out at me.

I watched him bend down and rub his knees and I bit my bottom lip as I felt a wave of intense love for him wash through me. I took a step closer and he moved his body up before looking in my eyes. I tilted my head, nibbling on my lip again and reached for the bottom of his shirt, finally pulling it up. He moved his arms up to help me as we kept staring at each other. A small smile draw itself on my lips and I just licked them, letting his shirt fall in the floor. Slowly, I let my hands run on his chest, my fingertips brushing against his nipples and moving down to his stomach. I felt my heart hit so hard against my rib cage that I thought it was going to escape. I could feel the sweat on my fingers and for some odd reason, it turned me on even more. My hands stopped at the top of his shorts and he raised his eyebrows.

"Are you gonna take them off, too?" he asked in a low tone.

"You know what I really want?" I asked in a low tone, ignoring his question as my forefingers hooked in the sides of his shorts, pulling them down slowly. He raised his eyebrows to incite me to talk and I smiled more. "Your dick in my mouth."

He didn't answer anything but his lips parted slightly and I slowly got down on my knees, bringing his shorts and boxers with me. I took his cock in my hand and when I got closer, he quickly stopped me.

"Wait!" he let out. I frowned and looked up but he just sighed. "We really need to get in the shower, first."

I stared at him for a few seconds and finally let out an amused chuckle before finally getting back up. He smirked and moved his upper body closer, his lips dangerously close to mine, before reaching for the bottom of my shirt.

"I honestly don't want you to be disgusted by my dick forever." he let out, making me chuckle again.

"Can't happen. But you're right, we should get clean first. Then fuck. And then get clean again." I proposed, making him raise his eyebrows up and down.

"And then maybe fuck again, yea?"

I smiled more at his words and nodded. "Yes."

He moved closer and kissed me, taking a few steps my way and forcing me to move back. He took my shirt off, throwing it on the floor, and I started laughing against his mouth when I accidentally stepped on something and ended hitting my back on the wall.

"Fuck, I love your clumsy ass." he whispered, slithering one of his arms around my waist as the other reached for my breasts. "And your tits, too." His hand moved down and slipped in my panties, making my eyes roll back as I leaned my head against the wall. "And your perfect little fanny, too."

He crashed his mouth against mine too as he flicked his fingertip on my clit a few times, making me whimper before he just took his hand away to pull on one side of my pants. I helped him with the other and stepped out of them. We were both just making out naked against the wall at my parents' house and I couldn't remember the last time I felt this horny. Was that adrenaline or something?

"Mm, your parents aren't coming back soon, right pet?" he asked in-between kisses as he pressed his body against mine. "Because they probably wouldn't enjoy the trail of our clothes on the floor that leads to the bathroom."

I laughed and shook my head as he pulled away. My eyes roamed on his face and It just hit me again how much I loved him.

"No, they'll be gone until very late tonight."

"Good."

He kissed me again and after a while, he pulled me to the bathroom and I tried to keep my mouth against his in a failed attempt as he bent down to start the shower. We laughed against each other's lips and ended up under the stream. I shivered as he grabbed the soap and poured some in my hands before doing the same in his. I washed myself quickly, staring at his hands moving on his body and when he reached his half-hard cock, I felt my heart jump in my chest.

"Sit on the side of the bath." he told me, making me obey immediately.

I was grateful that he didn't ask me to get on my knees because there's honestly nothing more uncomfortable for the knees than a bath. He moved closer and I smiled more when I realized his cock was at the perfect height. I felt like I hadn't had his cock in my mouth for so long and I took it as deeply as I could, making him groan low. I felt him swell on my tongue and spread my knees apart, bringing one of my hands between my legs.

"Mm, don't stop darling, do that thing you always do."

I chuckled low and pushed on the skin of his cock just to run the tip of my tongue between it and his tip, making one of his legs shake slightly. I used my fingers too, touching exactly the same spot and his head moved again to look down at me.

"That feels like I'm just cumming over and over again, fuck!"

I kept going for a while and finally ran my tongue on his length until his balls. He grabbed his cock in one of his hands and started stroking himself. I stuck my tongue out and felt his balls rub and bounce on my tongue with every jerk of his hand. I moved closer and sucked on one of until he grabbed my hair and pulled my head away gently.

"Open your mouth."

I did as asked and gently, he pushed his had cock in my mouth until I choked and pulled slightly away. I could feel him throb on my tongue and I let two of my fingers rub my clit gently as I sucking him harder.

"Stick your tongue out."

I looked up at him a bit innocently and opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out for him. He kept jerking himself hard, brushing his tip on my tongue as he did, and after about a minute, he let out a low groan.

"Fuck, I missed cumming on that tongue."

My eyes closed for a few seconds when his cum spurted on my cheeks, lips and tongue but I moved closer to suck on his tip again, my hands reaching for his balls as he kept stroking himself until he got down from his high. I never really enjoyed the taste but Niall’s orgasms were different, and I knew it probably only had to do with the love I felt for him, but it didn’t matter. He tasted good and I loved pleasing him. He panted for half a minute and finally grabbed my arms to pull me up gently.

"Even if you look really good like that..." he started, bringing me under the stream. "Let me help you."

Slowly, he ran his fingers on my cheeks before moving down to my lips, taking the vestige of his orgasm off. My heart jumped in my chest when he kissed me deeply and I moaned in his mouth as his hands ran on my breasts.

"You need an orgasm too." he pointed out as I nodded. "Sit back down."

I did what he told me to and frowned a bit when he got on one knee, knowing how much it hurts. We could both feel the water falling on us but when he moved his lips to my neck, I let my head fall back and closed my eyes. Two of his fingers slipped inside me as he nibbled on the skin of my neck and he started fucking me slowly. His mouth moved down to my breast and the way he sucked and licked my nipples made my fingers rub against the bath in a weird and annoying sound.

"You're gonna let me fuck you hard later today, won't you princess?"

I shivered, realizing I hadn't heard that nickname in a while, and finally nodded. "Mmhm, whenever you want, wherever you want, for as long as you want. You know I'm all yours."

"Fuck, say it again."

He started finger fucking me harder and I felt my breasts press against his chest as he bit my neck harder.

"I'm yours, Niall, I'm all yours." I let out in a mix of a whimper and a whisper.

"Get up."

I felt a bit too weak to do it but I still managed and when I felt his mouth crush on my pussy, I leaned my head against the cold and hard shower wall. I brought on of my legs up on the side of the bath and focused on the way his tongue skillfully sucked and licked my pussy until I felt an orgasm hit me without warning.

"Oh fuck! Niall!"

I reached for his hair and pulled on it hard, making sure his face stayed between my legs and It took me all my strength not to literally let myself fall at the bottom of the bath. When he got back up, he wrapped his arms around me and I allowed myself to get weak close to him, making him laugh.

"Good?" he asked. I nodded, brushing my nose against his wet neck and whimpered low. "Hungry?"

                                                   ----

The park was not too crowded and the sun was slowly setting. We started eating the lunch we had prepared together and I surprised myself wishing every day would be like that. It was ridiculous and impossible, but a girl could dream, right?

"What do you think would have happened if we never broke up?" I asked, staring at my water bottle before looking up in his eyes.

He was staring at me, his eyebrows raised and his lips curled into a pensive expression. He looked adorable and I smiled fondly at him. He shook his head slightly and grabbed his fork, playing with his food for a few more seconds.

"I don't know. I like to think I would have matured anyway and wouldn't be a prick but you never know." he explained with a shrug.

"You think you would have cheated on me?"

His head snapped up to look at me and he shook his head harder this time. "No. I was a flirt, but I was not a cheater, I promise."

Obviously, we would never know, and from what I had seen of Niall, he normally broke up with the girl before giving in to anyone else... well, except with me. It made me realize he had cheated on two girls with me and I tried to push away the guilt invading me. After all, I had cheated on Dylan too. The fact that he knew and had decided to ignore it didn't make my action less painful, or okay. We both had cheated and there was no excuse for it.

"You cheated with me. I did too. We both cheated. On Heidi and Dylan, and that was so wrong."

"I know." he sighed. "We can't go back. I mean I wish I could say I regret it, but I don't. It lead us here."

I sent him a sad smile and nodded. I wanted so much for us and even if I still had a few doubts, I wanted us to work. I wanted us to make efforts into this, but I couldn't make them for him. All I knew was that I was going to do everything I could to make this work, and from the way he had been acting with me lately, I was pretty sure he would do the same.

"So what's gonna happen to us now, Niall?" I asked softly. "What's our future together?"

He looked down immediately and it made me frown. Did he have something to hide? I couldn't start thinking like that again, I couldn't start analyzing his every move. I breathed it and let it go, simply tilting my head.

"We'll love each other, become official whenever you're ready, maybe even start attending galas and shit together, perhaps." he proposed, shrugging a shoulder and making me laugh.

"Yea, that's not really your type of things." I pointed out.

"Well it's different with you. Everything is different with you. In a good way. In the best way."

Without thinking, I held myself on the grass between us and leaned my upper body his way to reach his lips with mine. He kissed me back and after a while, he deepened the kiss. I didn't feel nervous, or stressed, and I didn't give a fuck about who could see us.

"I love you. I want to spend my life with you." I whispered. "I know these words used to scare you... how do they make you feel, now?"

I pulled away enough to be able to look in his eyes and his lips curl into a genuine smile.

"Like the happiest man in the world."

My lips curled into a happy smile as something stirred in my stomach. "You're so full of shit, Horan."

He brought one of his hands to my cheek and I leaned against it without thinking.

"I mean it Liv. Trust me." he murmured as I felt his breath hit my chin.

I breathed in deeply and pressed my lips together before whispering too. "I do. I trust you."

                                                        ---

We ended up watching tv together in the living room after the sun was set and I knew my parents could be back any minute, making me wonder if we had time to fuck or if we should just wait until they would be in bed.

"I wish you'd come with me in Germany." he let out randomly, taking me out of my thoughts.

"You... you know I have to go back in California soon." I explained, feeling my heart sink in my chest. "I mean, we can survive a few weeks away, yea?"

He turned his head my way and sighed. "Of course we can. But we shouldn't have to. And.. I don't really want to."

"I know." I said in a low tone, trying not to cry and looking down at my hands playing with the fabric of my shirt. "I mean, I don't know what else we can do. I'll try to get more weeks off but I don't know when that will be. When's your next week off?"

"Uhm, mid may, I think, but then I have to go back to the UK for that radio show thing."

"Oh." I brushed my palms on my face, suddenly tired and a bit scared, not knowing when I could be with him again. "Tell me the exact date and I'll try to fly there for a few days."

"That's in like... a month, Olivia." he let out a bit annoyed or disappointed... or both.

"I know." I whispered, swallowing hard, trying not to cry.

He sighed again and made a quick head movement. "Come here."

He didn't have to ask me twice : I threw myself against him as he wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his shirt, letting out a sob that I desperately tried to suppress without success.

"Hey, it'll be okay." he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "We can do this. We're stronger than ever together. Distance is alright. A month is nothing. Remember my trip to Asia?"

It's not that it was a bad example but it was a rough memory and I sniffed, shutting my eyes tighter as I tried to move closer to him. I didn't want to be a month away from him but I knew it was probably going to happen and I didn't know how to handle it. I was about to answer something when both our phones beeped and I groaned. It couldn't be a good thing and we both knew it.

"I don't want to look." I admitted low as he rubbed my back gently.

"We have to. Let's do it and then go to bed."

I sighed again and nodded as we both grabbed our phones. The problem was apparently Heidi, who had posted a bunch of song lyrics on her instagram stories, and people started speculating about who it was about. After checking, though, I knew it was about Niall. And about me a bit, too.

SHAKIRA - DONT BOTHER She's been to private school And she speaks perfect French She's got the perfect friends Oh isn't she cool? Hey, hey So don't bother I won't die of deception I promise you won't ever see me cry Don't feel sorry And don't bother I'll be fine But she's waiting The ring you gave to her will lose its shine So don't bother, be unkind

THE WEEKEND - CALL OUT MY NAME We found each other I helped you out of a broken place You gave me comfort But falling for you was my mistake I put you on top, I put you on top I claimed you so proud and openly And when times were rough, when times were rough I made sure I held you close to me

JUSTINE TIMBERLAKE - CRY ME A RIVER You don't have to say, what you did I already know, I found out from him Now there's just no chance With you and me There'll never be Don't it make you sad about it?

SAM SMITH - IM NOT THE ONLY ONE I have loved you for many years Maybe I am just not enough You've made me realize my deepest fear By lying and tearing us up You say I'm crazy 'Cause you don't think I know what you've done But when you call me baby I know I'm not the only one

DRAKE - MARVINS ROOM I'm just sayin' you could do better Tell me, have you heard that lately? I'm just sayin' you could do better And I'll start hatin' only if you make me

KATY PERRY - PART OF ME I just wanna throw my phone away Find out who is really there for me You ripped me off your love was cheap Was always tearing at the seams I fell deep, you let me down But that was then and this is now, now look at me

LITTLE MIX - SHOUT OUT TO MY EX This is a shout out to my ex Heard he in love with some other chick Yeah yeah, that hurt me, I'll admit Forget that boy, I'm over it I hope she gettin' better sex Hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe Took four long years to call it quits Forget that boy, I'm over it

TAYLOR SWIFT - SHOULVE SAID NO You should've said no, you should've gone home You should've thought twice before you let it all go You should've know that word, bout what you did with her Would get back to me And I should've been there, in the back of your mind I shouldn't be asking myself why You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet You should've said no, baby and you might still have me I can't resist, before you go, tell me this Was it worth it Was she worth this

SUGARLAND - BABE What a waste Taking down the pictures and the plans we made, yeah And it's strange how your face doesn't look so innocent Your secret has its consequence and that's on you, babe Since you admitted it, I keep picturing Her lips on your neck, I can't unsee it I hate that because of you, I can't love you Babe What a shame, didn't want to be the one that got away How could you do this, babe?

BRITNEY SPEARS - PERFUME Do I imagine it, or do I see your stare Is there still longing there? Oh I hate myself, and I feel crazy Such a classic tale Current girl friend, ex girlfriend, I'm trying to be cool Am I being paranoid, am I seeing things? Am I just insecure?

I read her stories twice, three times, and I swallowed hard until I heard Niall curse under his breath next to me. It caught my attention and I sighed, licking my lips.

"She's right, you know. I don't know how she found out but, we talked about it earlier. We did cheat on them, Niall."

"Alright, but did she need to expose that on instagram?" He closed his eyes and groaned, throwing his phone on the couch and rubbing his eyes roughly. "Are you ready for the storm? You know our social medias are gonna fucking explode."

"It doesn't matter. As usual, we're just gonna stay quiet." I replied, shrugging and sighing an other time. "You should have never dated that girl."

"I know. I didn't know back then but now, I know." he confessed, shaking his head. "I didn't think she was that kind of girl."

I started laughing next to him and his eyes met mine. He raised his eyebrows an I pressed my lips together because chuckling more.

"I mean, seriously, Niall? She was always like that."

He remained quiet and moved his arm on the back of the couch before I leaned my head against it.

"I should have dated you when I was 13 and I tried to match you with Rian for no reason. I should have dated you when I was 16 and horny. I should have dated you when I joined One Direction and you messaged me all the time. I should have dated you after the Take Me Home tour, when I came back home and noticed how much you had changed. I should have dated you during our last tour, before you got attached to Harry. I should have dated you last year, when we were both miserable. I realize it's you I should have dated all those times. Whenever I dated an other girl, it should have been you."

I teared up but tried to swallow the emotions inside me but they were drowning me instead, making me dizzy and happy at the same time.

"Yea, you should have." I whispered, scared that my voice would crack. "What about now, Niall?"

"Now?" he asked gently, raising his eyebrows but his gaze never leaving mine. I felt his fingertips play with a lock of my hair and it made my heart twist in my chest. "Well now I'm here. I'm with you. And I don't intend or want to be with anyone else. Ever again."

[stuckasmain]

I still don’t think your ready for it, but here’s my Batb Cruise show review:

Yes you read the title completely right, I was made aware of this a day or two ago but apparently one of the Disney Cruises is doing/did beauty and the beast the musical but based upon the live action movie. So naturally a massive fan of the live action I was both shocked and wildly confused, lucky for me I found a video on the entire performance(likely taken from a cruise tv.) from what I skimmed over it looks like instead of full body suits to look like they are it’s going to be regular (human outfits.) and then puppets, so I am Really really interested to see how this goes.

The timing is a little off we skip the prologue (Aria etc.) and start straight in How does a moment last forever... are they placing Belle after it? It was before in the movie. Wait oh my god he’s also narrator- it is the prologue! Pulled a sneaky one on ya.

•Adams dramatic sassy hand movements are my entire life (no dance just this art right here.)

•The enchantress looks straight outa Atlantis but I LOVE the effects used omllll

• MARIE THE BAGUETTES.

•who needs her when you’ve got us (LE DUO OMG- it’s the thing.)

•from what I’m seeing it’s a combination of both the animated and live action, as some lyrics/moments are the animated , like Lefou reverted back to his original sorta idiot phase.

•met HER saw HER *kick* we stan.

•Lefou just waving his bag in the girls face. Legend lmao.

•a LOT more comedy then the movie. When Gaston drops the Boquet Lefou picks it up and smells it and just melts all cute like. My heart?

•”keep moving old legs.”

•Gaston is also a lot more like the animated, more dumbed down for comedic effect.

•so there’s no Philippe so some dudes took her dads wagon. That’s how jumanji started you know smh.

•PUPPETS IM SCREAMING.

Lumire looks like he’s absolutely losing his mind I’m deadddd. Also Cogsworth’s wig is my entire life.

• ok so the beasts voice- he sounds like a Pirate I’m crying “ee stole me rose matey.”

•belle straight up using the stick like a musket

•OML SO I NOW SEE THE EYES ON THE PUPPET AND IM LOSING MY DAMN MIND.

•storage space! Storage space! For all of Lumiere’s shoes! His shoes yes he had a feel large collection of shoes- he rather likes Heels-

Cogsworth.

What?

Stop talking.

•while my love massages my tight caves.

I’ll massage your caves Gaston!

Who has no one snatched you up yet? (He didn’t say girl :0)

•everyones awed and inspired by au

Gaston placing a hand to his chest.

•Gaston kissing his own portait, no bimbettes Lefou sings their line, no Tom , Dick or stanley that I can see either

•they all start russian dancing instead of the stopping/sword fight. Weird flex but ok.

Now the girls are... is that the cancan?

•Fun cult activity’s with friends

•lefou dreamily gasping over gaston along with the women.

•WHERED THE UKALELE COME FROM?!

• they kept my favorite line :)

•So Gaston has the French flag now? Also Maurice runs in automatically? Damn there goes pacing i guess- like aren’t they supposed to be together for at least awhile before going after her jeez

•why’s every single woman in this show use a super high pitched cutesy voice “YeAaA!” Is the audience one year olds and dogs???

•Gaston was a captain :0 Damn high rank.

•or a Budae *laughing* *distant roar* *s c r e a m *

•Madame de Garderobe has me screaming lmaoooo

•Mrs.Potts was a governess? Wack.

•ok so I cant describe the noise i made

L: OH YES! Darling

P: high pitched giggling.

The stage is still black and I can’t breathe-

They were definitely- whatever the equivalent would be of making out

•This plan is uh Dangerous~

I’m-I’m gay for the featherduster. This is not allowed. THEY ARE SO CUTE I CANNOT FUNCTION.

*more adorable couple giggling*

Cogsworth coughing

•food fashion show.. I cannot... I can’t function.

•Lumiere being dramatic:

Coggsworth: if i had hands, I’d slap you.

•*Whispers*Skin.

That’s- that’s not creepy at all lmao.

C’Est LA SALADE I CANT BREATHE WHATS HAPPENING.

•you lost me 2 verses ago now there’s cheese

•no one:

Plumette giggling and calling out everything:

•HOW IS MADAME DOWNSTAIRS IM SO CONFUSED

•OWWWWWWWWEWWWWWWWWWWW.

That hurts.

•ok so Mrs. Potts being a governess in this version now makes sense as she’s the one to start days in the sun instead of the queen/little Adam

•So Candenza is completely gone from this version????? So Lumierè and Plumette get both love lines from the song. Their still busy being cute as hell tho. (Does this imply their also singers? Pretty sure their still just footman/maid.)

•cogsworth now has Mrs.Potts lines but his voice is great.

•instead of soup it’s tea he I N H A L E and belle looks SO done lmao. Also no library?

•oh jeez yea no library just straight into something there.

•oh so the library is now IN something there, alright.

•Adam just DECKS Lumiere. Idk what that was about lmao - showing he’s nice now by uppercutting a candlestick across the room.

• BELLE:D this dork-

•Hes making jokes now.

•SWORDS. FIGHTING.

•”we love you.” But... everyone is still all-

Ok so either Mrs.Potts is a massive liar or they don’t count

•the dress is low key just as underwhelming as in the film

• Adam is trying *SHOVES CHAMPAGNE IN FACE*

•Plumette keeps running on and off stage idk what that’s about.

•the danceeeee

•Adam keeps talking about his mom

•no evermore ;-; my favorite song and it’s gone for a 5 second day’s in the sun reprise.

I’m wounded.

•belle casually taking a dudes knife to cut them free

•I feel like the mob song is cute down a lot, also Lumiere comes in sliding on his knees. Respect.

•”Gaston help.” Is kinda like nothing now as they have been so comedic. I feel nothing.

•i like the way they executed the final fight (beast/Gaston as servents vs the villages was literally nothing.)

•Lumiere sliding in on his knees again *French accent*YAAAAAAS

•ok so the death scene still hurts me like a truck.

Lumire: guys we did it :)

*literally watches the love of his life, his best friend and other friends die(yes it’s technically death.)*

Everyone steps away from the puppet and turns around, the lighting goes dark I’m - ;-;

•the prince is low key better in the suit the guy playing him is uhhhhhhhh I know the whole point is to look past Appearance but who’s dad is this?

•I’m absolutely SCREAMING. Instead of the dramatic one by one they all pop up together and collectively go :00000 what?! Whoa!

•Lumiere and Plumette low key not even a “hi.” Just kiss and start dancing. Mood.

•Ballet attack part 2 and middle aged prince returns.

•No chip or Madame at the end either! :0

•oh wait here’s chip!

Cogsworth melting in the background is me

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬/𝐏𝗼𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐬

so as I’ve said it’s like a mash up of the original and the remake with some of the choices it makes, I think it really makes or breaks some of the characters.

Lefou/Gaston-

Both of them fell back more into their Cartoon counterparts of : here to be the bad guy, here to be funny. Both of them become so overly comedic that you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s line was whos if you were shown them without being told. I think , funny as they were it negatively effected their character’s. Same case with the beast he definitely became more comedic if anything at all.

Lumierè/Cogsworth/Plumette-

These guys I think are the opposite. I think having a slight bit more of the animated made both banter and flirting hike it’s way up. Cogsworth and Lumierè were more showy in their banter , while Lumierè and Plumette were much more loud and showy with banter. Also the accents are art. Mrs. Potts was there to be the mother like figure and not given much of herself

Rip to chip who had like 4 lines and didn’t even show up to seconds before curtain. Also Madame de Garderobe who was there to be a good singer and nothing more as she lost her whole arc.Rip to Cadenza, Frou frou , Chapu and Philippe for being written out all together.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬/𝐭𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

As I’ve said the changes either make or break some moments, like adding a overwhelming amount of comedy like the og movie. As funny as it was it did not have that same weight/gravity the remake did in its more serious/emotional scenes like the death/human again scenes I felt little here and Gaston betraying Lefou. As well as having the more serious/soft songs as the remake really backfired with so much comedy, and not even the more Witty subtle humor of the movie. Funny, but odd as character choice

So I know you had to cut it down a lot in order to fit it on stage however, nessisary parts or songs (evermore ;-;) were completely excluded likely do to the slightly unessisary over extension of dance numbers in Gaston(that didn’t need it) and Be our guest. Which could have been time better spent.

The servants are the absolute saving grace of this musical. The costumes! Oh!(again cogsworths wig is my life.) the humor! The acting, the singing, the relationships- all of it- all of it. They carry the entire thing, and if I’m honest it’s mainly Lumierè, Cogsworth and Plumette, occasionally Mrs. Potts if you stretch.

[conchstellations]

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING. 

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE”  okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too 

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect. 

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold. 

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better. 

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole  a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf. 

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

 where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason. 

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive. 

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

[written-by-weird]

Get to Know Me!

RuLes: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

Tagged by @birdiethought

1.) Are you named after someone? Uhh... Not that I know of. Had I been born a male, then yea, but no. I believe I am the first one to have my name in my family... Huh- that’s weird.

2.) When was the last time you cried? I’d have to say- a few weeks ago. I was having a depression moment, and things weren’t feeling too hot. Getting better soon!

3.) Do you like your handwriting? Ha! My handwriting is never the same. I like how it looks when I am writing quickly, because it looks a little script like, and is very tiny and compact. However, when my hand gets tired, or if I am writing slow, none of the letters look like their counterparts. Blegh. Granted, I have Architect’s writing, so...

4.) What is your favorite lunch meat? To be honest, I don’t eat that many sandwiches... Mostly because I am so picky, that it’s too labor-some to think about them. But I like Ham.

5.) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Good question! I’m pretty introverted, and don’t really make myself known unless I have to.. So- unless you were in my similar interest, or some place I frequent then I probably wouldn’t seek me out, and therefore, by reasons of me being absent, we wouldn’t be friends.

6.) Do you use sarcasm? Hell yeah. Also, my sarcasm is so good sometimes, you can’t tell I’m using it, which I think is a good tool.

7.) Do you still have your tonsils. Yup! I actually have never had surgery or any operation done ever, so... Knock on wood now!

8.) Would you bungee jump? Hell NO! I hate heights, it makes my legs shaky, and I can’t do it. No. Nope. Nada. Never. Bye bye.

9.) What is your favorite kind of cereal? To be honest, I’m not really a breakfast person... But, I do prefer the more sugary ones. I won’t eat a lot, but I think fruity pebbles might be my favorite.

10.) Do you untie your shoelaces when you take shoes off? 95% of the time, no. I wear my clothes tight because it soothes the anxiety of me losing them, but most of the time, I just slide them off when I’m done wearing them, then go through the ritual of untying them, putting them on, and tying them again. It’s my thing, and it works.

11.) Do you think you’re a strong person? I dunno. I think it depends on what kind of strong you mean? Physically? My arms are noodles, my legs are trees... My mind is pretty strong Intelligence wise... Uhm- I think that I do have some problems that make some things difficult, but I wouldn’t say I’m a ‘weak’ person.

12.) What is your favorite ice-cream? I’ll always have a soft spot for vanilla anything - homestyle is my fav. I try to avoid chocolate and mint. Blegh.

13.) What is the first thing you notice about people? I think I usually notice the way people walk, carry themselves in public, and how they interact with others. I’m really good at reading people (Sometimes), and I can sit and watch people out in public, and know how a person is most likely to act. This helped a lot when I was a server- I would know if someone was a Karen without having to speak with them.

14.) What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Uhm- this question is a little confusing, but... I’ll try? I’m going to say my joints- I have really bad hips, knees, ankles, everything, so it makes walking and standing for too long really difficult - I don’t know if I like that about myself, but I can at least joke about it and say I’m an old person in a young person’s body? Like, I’m 20, but feel like I’m 87.

15.) What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Well, It’s midnight here, so I’m in bed. I’m wearing black and white athletic shorts, and no shoes... I’ve still got socks on though, cause I’m super lazy, and won’t take them off lmao.

16.) If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Prussian Blue.

17.) Favorite smell? Uhhhhhhhhh - I really like fall. I love fall. Best season. I like the decaying smells of nature around me (Not rotting animal flesh, no) But like, the leaves and stuff- it’s a very comforting smell to me.

18.) Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? I’m going to assume this means through a phone call, and not text, so... MY DAD.

19.) Favorite sport to watch? To be honest, I’m not a huge sports person - When the season is on, and my team is on, I’ll watch football (American), but I really enjoy equestrian sports!

20.) Hair color? Uh... If it’s wet- dark dark brown, but usually an average brown. Like... Laundry lint brown. I dunno, look at my profile photo.

21.) Eye color? Blue - I dunno if it’s a pretty blue, but My pupil has this light brown ring around it, and a darker blue ring around the iris, so I guess it might look a little interesting...

22.) Do you wear contacts? Since I am blind as a bat, yes. I used to primarily wear glasses, but then contacts worked out better for me. I need to take better care of my eyes, and stop sleeping in my contacts. You don’t want to know how long these current ones have been in my eyes. 

23.) Favorite food to eat? I love food, I think anything with carbs is okay for me! I love pasta, and fries... Fries are good.

24.) Scary movies or comedy? Uhm... I dunno. I think an equal mix of both? If the story line is good for the horror movie, then yea, but for comedy, I prefer John Mulaney.

25.) Last movie you watched? Hahahahah. Hahaha. Ha. Soo... When I go to sleep, I need something to play in the background, because I can’t sleep with complete silence, or complete darkness, so I need to listen to something. I’ve been playing the movie CARS every night because it’s familiar, and soothing.

26.) What color shirt are you wearing? Heather gray? I dunno.

27.) Summer or Winter? Uhm. Fall.  JK- I prefer the warmth of summer, but I hate the bugs, so Winter because no bugs... But cold is bad... Mmmn... Fall.

28.) Hugs or Kisses? I dunno. Haven’t had a whole lot of experience in either to truly form an opinion. I guess I’d have to choose hugs because I’ve never kissed anyone, so...

29.) What book are you currently reading? I’ve actually fallen out of reading books... I’ve mostly read fanfiction for a long while, but! At my summer job! One of my coworkers is also a huge nerd, and he suggested I read the book ‘Fingerprints of the Gods’ and it’s actually really good!

30.) Who do you miss right now? I really miss the chickens we lost recently. A raccoon got into the coop a few nights ago, and decimated a little over half our flock. :(

31.) What is on your mousepad? Uhm- it’s like a... Rainbowy marble like thing. But that’s on my school computer for ARCHI stuff. I usually use my laptop, which is the trackpad.

32.) What is the last TV program you watched? Below deck - for those who don’t know, it’s a reality TV show about super yachting. There’s so much drama, it gives me anxiety. I really shouldn’t watch it.

33.) Rolling stones, or the Beatles? MMn Neither?

34.) What is the furthest you’ve ever traveled? For the longest time, it was to travel down to Puerto Rico for a week (I was maybe 12?) But in freshman year of High school, we took a band trip to Hawaii! (So Hawaii is the correct answer).

35.) Do you have a special talent? I dunno- don’t really think so... I mean, if this counts I’d be surprised, but I’m really good at quoting things? Like, some movies, I can say the whole script as it is happening? Or like- vines, I’m really good at vines...

36.) Where were you born? *Sobs* Missouri, USA

I tag anybody who would like to partake in this! I really don’t have any ‘mutuals’ (That I am aware of- please correct me if I’m wrong), so anybody please do this!

[mack-chan]

Choose 5 OTP’s without looking at the questions first, then tag five people.

Tagged by @littlesunflowerthatcould, the party <3

In no particular order:

1.Nezumi/Shion (no.6)

2.Crowley/Aziraphale (Good Omens)

3.Toya/Yukito (CCS)

4.Kuroo/Kenma (Haikyuu, this one's old as FUCK, but I read the first question and apparently absolutely I need 5 otps, hell)

5.JENNA/JULIEN (THEY AREN'T FICTIONAL CHARACTERS BUT THEY MAKE ME HAPPY, COME AT ME)

(I couldn't think of any others that I still care about orz)

tagging: @triandrus and @pinkuheart19 ? If u want to? uvu and anyone who feels like iit.

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 5?

Uhm, maybeb the jiu jitsu videos?? They were having so much fun :')

2. Have you ever read fanfiction about 2 (crowley/azahfhsj)?

Not yet!!! I'm not a fanfiction consumer but I have seen plen t y of fanart.

3. Has a picture of 4 (kuroo/kenma) ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr ID?

Y e a h, screen saver. Still is in my old computer, actually.

4. If 3 (toya/yukito) were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

adjagdha sorry but they WOULDN'T. were they ever explicitly cannon? my heart says yeas

5. Why is 1 (nezumi/shion) so important?

[This is for Marti: bitCh your answer to this one had me <\3]

I suck at explaining myself. But there's a special something to them, a sense of tranquility, peacefulness. But also deep longing. I really really like them. I particularly DIG, the role Nezumi played in Shion’s character development.

6. Is 4 (kuroo/kenma) a funny ship or a serious ship?

Aaahh serious?? I mean Kuroo can be a dork but I don't see them as a comedy couple, I guess??

7. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Hmmm Jenna and Julien.

8. Of all the ships, which ship has the strongest bond?

Definitely nezumi and shion.

9. How many times have you read/watched 2’s (Crowley/Aziraphale) fandom?

Not much? I’ve really just consumed only what my dash here provides lmao.

10. Which ship lasted the longest?

Crowley and The Angle

11. How many times, if ever, has 5 (Jenna and Juli) broken up?

Aaahhh 0? I wouldn’t know tho.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 1 (Nezushi) or 3 (Toya/Yukito)?

HAHA, probable Nezushi, because BOY Nezumi has some exquisite survival skills. Although Shion would most likely fuck up trying to save someone or sth. HOWEVER, yukito is this magical being also so? both

13. Did 4 (Kuroken) ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

They are not canon. Maybe they just hide it that well. (I’ll just RT marti’s answer because, yeah, all T)

14. Is 2 (Toya/Yukito) still together?

Perhaps not romantically, but still together defs. I actually have zero recollection of how the story ends for them lol.

15. Is 1 (Nezushi) canon?

yeeeeaaa 

16. If all five ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

There’s NO WAY Crowley and Aziraphale would lose, sorry everyone else.

17. Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5’s (J&J) ship?

I HOPE NOT. cermet probably

18. Which ship(s) would you defend to the death and beyond?

nezusuhi

19. Have you ever spent hours a day going through 3 (Toya/Yukito)’s tumblr page?

nah

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the five ships to break up forever, which ship would you sink?

kuroken. I don’t have feelings for them anymore, sorry guyss.

[honeymoon-changb]

And I love you.

A Johnny scenario.

genre: fluff, i guess, failed attempt at comedy

A/N: idk why i’m putting this here lmao i’m not a legit author but yea i wrote this a whileeeee ago in notes on my phone and just found it again and decided to post it cuz i didn’t have the balls to share it before; it’s kinda cheesy but i guess i was feeling all fluffy about John ay also pls note English isn’t my native language so if you see any grammar errors etc - that’s why. Anyway, enjoy y’all (if anyone reads this at all lmao wishful thinking)

  Haechan was sat cross-legged on the living room couch, a big Lion King mug in one of his hands (that’s Taeyong's latest purchase) and his phone in the other one. In sheer attempt to kill the boredom of the off-days, he boy was watching one YouTube video after another as he took loud sips of a warm beverage. Not a pleasant scene for those who get easily irritated by slurping or munching sounds, mukbang haters. You have just finished washing up after the downside of hot-cholocate drinking culture - which was the prepration process - and made your way to the living room, where honey-skinned boy was now joined by the roomies TY Track and the-1-and-only Johnny. You stood in the back, unnoticed, and listened.

"You made hot chocolate for yourself only?" the friendly giant said in a sulky tone.

"Y/N's the one who made it." Haechan replied, not even bothered to grace Johnny with his gaze.

"For you only? Y/N, since when is Haechan your favorite!?" Johhny screamed, not realizing how close you were. You coughed to get their attention, before opening your mouth.

"Huh, psh, pffft, my-my what? How dare you accuse me of favorism, I dOnT have a favorite?" you winked at Haechan, who, what a surprise!, was actually blessing you with his attention. In response to your purposefully over-the-top dramatic acting, Mr. John Seo played heartbroken.

"AH! I can't believe you. All these nice things you've said to me, they must have been lies, and I was but a fool who believed to be someone special in your life!" he cried out, almost literally.

"Oh, don't you call me a liar, now, mister!" you replied, waving your finger at the boy. "Look... if I was gonna make enough hot cocoa for y'all, we'd need a barrel of milk." you added, less dramatically, to actually make this conversation into something more than just jokes on jokes.

"I didn't even know we had cocoa powder?" Taeyong spoke, to whom you replied:

"You didn't. I got some on my way here."

"What for, if you're not gonna make any for us..." the tall jokester said, or rather spat under his breath as if he didn't really want you to hear. Oh, but you did. Before you could reply to this snarky remark, though, a wild Mark appeared, joining this pity party.

"It smells like heaven in here." he said, with the typical, cutesy Mark smile on his face.

"Must be the hot chocolate ONLY HAECHAN is drinking." Youngho, the saltiest child on earth, said.

"Yum, I'd love some hot cocoa." Mark said, unaware of how long this convesation has been going on and how annoyed, yet amused you were feeling, especially because of John's pricesless commentary. And he just had to go on.

"Ya, tell me about it, man..." he looked at you, eyebrows furrowed, hands placed on his chest and he really did look hurt, the little actor. "I just feel so saaaaaad... like there's a hole inside of me and hot chocolate is the only things that could ever glue the pieces my broken heart together." he cried out again.

"Oh, oh, I get that feeling, too." what came as surprise, Taeyong played along.

"Yeah, and it seems like only YOU have the power to heal us, to put us out of our misery, Y/N." Seo continued. Mark must have caught up on the game, as he joined in, saying

"Have mercy on us, Y/N!" You felt like you were going out of your mind, dealing with these whiny boys who were now all gathered around you, staring at you with big pouts on their pretty faces.

"Oh MY GOD, you guys are driving me insane!" you snapped, loudly laughing (and maybe lowkey dying inside). "Yes, fine, okay, AL-RIGH-TY-YO! I will fill your whiny asses with my heavenly hot-cocoa, but boy do I pray that it'll not only glue your bRoKeN piEcEs together, but your mouths as well." you shook your head left to right at them.

"THANK YOU" Johnny said, fake crying. You were almost convinced he’s about to fall to his knees and repeat himself, but luckily for eveyone witnessing, he didn’t. You shook your head at him even more intensely.

"On one... no... on two conditions, though." all three of them looked at you intrigued as to what they'd have to do to have you bless them with your original-family-recipe hot chocolate. "First, since you're all outta milk, you have to go get some at the store and by some I mean multiple boxes because there's so many of you all living under one roof, you damn plague..."

"Sounds fair." commented Mark.

"...and two..." you smirked. "...two, you have to praise and compliment me in 3... 2... 1... Go!" And the boys did as they were told, which made it quite difficult to actually make out what the sweet words were, even harder when Haechan joined in after you confirmed he could get more hot chocolate. But then everything went dead silent as Johnny's raised voice delivered these four words,

"and I love you."

It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for the fact you two have never exchanged this confession before, as you were dealing with the friends-turned-lovers type of situation, never actually calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend, hell, never really discussing your feelings, just enjoying each other's company and all the benefits that came with it when different needs arose. The momentary silence contributed to the air becoming suffocatingly heavy with a mix of anxiety and a dash of awkwardness, as you were caught off guard with this sudden avowal of feelings, and the confessor himself appeared to be unsure. Not unsure of his feelings, as you would have thought, because it's not like you didn't care about one another in this way. He must have felt unsure of why these words rolled off his tongue in a middle of such commotion. He panicked and decided it was best to flight from the scene, and so he pretended to be called by Jaehyun. You decided to act as well, so you made the decision to get the milk in the supermarket yourself.

"Mark, Mark, let's go to 7-Eleven, the milk isn't gonna buy itself, now, is it?"

"Aye, sure." Mark replied hasily, stuck in fluster over this incident. He now was continuously wondering about all of this. He obviously wasn't with you guys all the time, so he didn't know whether you ever confessed before or what was truly going on between you - obviously, since you never talked about what you felt for each other with one another, why would you with other people. This was something no one could know but you, and the way things got so awkward just a minute ago enhanced his confusion. He wasn't sure if it was okay to talk about this or if you wanted anything but, so he kept quiet. But man, did you wish he'd start a conversation... This silence forced you to stay in your head, feeling a little panicky. You, too, felt unsure and uneasy at this moment. You surely cared about Johnny and spending time with him was truthfully you favorite way of pushing through one day after another, but love... has always been something that confused you a little, because what even is love? Too many people threw this word around like it was nothing, so how does one figure out whether it's something serious or something you can say just so lightheartedly like you’re talking about your favorite cereal? Your lifelong history of having a hard time trusting and opening up to people wasn't helping in this situation at all. And since Mark wasn't going to intiate the dialogue, you decided to do so, before you dig too deep into your anxious thoughts.

"What's your favorite music video you've done so far?" you asked to somehow break the silence, and by him raising his thin brows, you could tell he did not expect you to do so. He laughed, brushing his hair.

"Hm, that's a good question, why don't you answer it first so I can think of my answer."

"What's my favorite MV of NCT's?" you asked rhethorically, since you knew that's what he meant, so you proceeded to share the response before he even nodded in reassurence. "Gotta be the rough version of Limitless. I love the retro style too much, I love everything about it."

"Yeah, that's a good one!" he cheered. "Me, I think for now I'm gonna have to say "Boss" 'cause we got to go to Ukraine to film and that's a travel destination I never thought of visiting, but it was beautiful and so interesting."

"Ahh! I've watched the behind-the-scenes and, not gonna lie, I felt a little jealous. I love to travel." you responed.

"You do?" he continued, to which you nodded. "If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?" You squinted your eyes and held your fingers up to your chin, expressing you're thinking of an answer in movie-like manner.

"Right now, I'm feeling like... Hawaii." you finally said. He seemed so interested in your answer.

"Wah, it'd be so cool to go there some day."

"Yea, it's like a piece of paradise on Earth."

Unexpectedly, this converation initiated by you made the grocery shopping escapade the most pleasant one you've ever gone on, and Mark accompanied you even after you came back to the dorm and started making the crazy amounts of world's most comforting drink for the bunch of sulky idol kids you were so thankful to have become friends with. The living room was now filled with more members than before; sounds of a video game played by Yuta versus WinWin could be heard over a heated conversation happening between Doyoung and Jaehyun; Taeil sat alone at the dinner table, scrolling intensely on his phone; even Renjun and Chenle, who must've escaped the Dream dorm to hang out at their hyungs' place, were there, leaning over the couch behind Haechan who was still messing with his mobile; and Taeyong just joined, with a slightly-shocked expression on his face as he saw so many people gathered in one medium-sized living room. It’s like everyone was there... except for your Johnny - and that struck you with anxiety. Finishing your duty as the hot-chocolate-assosiation head chef, you poured the drink into all the cups you could find and with help of your convo-partner, served it to the others by placing it on the large dinner table and having Haechan shout "HOT CHOCO Y'ALL" as he saw you put the trace down. You went up to Taeyong to ask about Johnny jist to have him lead you to their shared bedroom, where you found the target sat on the bed, looking quite distressed.

"I made you an extra-large cup of hot cocoa so if you don't come out to join the party, it'll just turn into cold cocoa." you said with a smily expression. "And most likely end up being consumed by Haechan anyway." You made your boyfriend laugh for a second, but that quickly turned back to the colon-slash emoji expression. It was the image of someone who's seriously bothered by a mess of thoughts. And everyone knew what it was all about. He sighed before opening his mouth, letting a fistful of words hastily fall out.

"Look, I know it was so wrong or weird to say that, especially so randomly and under such circumstances and I don't even know why it came out of my mouth right then and there, and then I made it even worse by panicking and stupidly escaping, like what kind of pers-"

"And I love you, too." you cut him off, finally returning the confession. It took him by surprise, but it was a pleasant one, like when you r mum is the only person to call you on your birthday but then it turns out it’s because your friends were busy throwing you a secret birthday part. And you didn't just say those words because you felt you were compelled to do so. You meant it, as you figured it out just two minutes ago, when you stood in that room filled with too many people you dearly care about and yet felt some sort of emptiness, because he wasn't there. He appeared to be at a loss of words, which was a rare occurence for Johnny Seo. He was just smiling, looking at you, and you felt so sure now, you were in love."I always felt nervous when we kissed on those days where I'd think too much about the meaning of love, or what it should be like, what the movies and books have taught me, and how maybe I'd never be ready to open up, be this or be that, how I may ruin it all one day, this friendship, because I was careless enough to let myself cross this line and engage in romance. You see, I've never been with anyone before and it's not like I never had the chance to date, it's that I convinced myself it's better to be alone, because being with somebody is too hard, too risky, too complicated and I hated the idea of that... but it isn't like that at all with you. It's just so easy with you, on those days where I don't let my thoughts enhance the fire that lits up my anxiety, on those days where we just kiss through smiles and I feel the goddamn butterflies, it just feels so right. You and I, it feels so right, and I figured that it could be like that on all days, if I just let myself go, and it's so hard because I like control and I wired myself to believe I'm better off alone because that way I can't end up getting hurt, but for you I'd try and for you I'd take the risk. And now I realize that all of these things mean I'm, in fact, in love with you, and I love you." The raw monologue turned out better than you thought, almost free of stumbling on your own words. He listened to you so intensely through all these words, watching your lips move and your eyes wander. Without responding, he got off the bed, stood up and slowly walked up to you, gazing into your eyes for what seemed like too-long of a moment, before he finally spoke, now with calmness in his voice. No more awkward rambling.

"The only time or reason I ever felt nervous was not knowing if you feel the same way. But now I do. I always felt at ease with you, it is just so right, like you said, I just feel so happy when I'm around you and these days I'm happy a lot with the life I'm lucky to be living, but you are a different kind of happiness... and that's how I knew. And, so, I love you." Now you were the one who couldn't say anything. Your gut was burning up and a shaky smile was glued on your face."Oh, and also, when I'm horny, I can't think about anyone else but you anymore." he added and you burst out laughing, him alike.

"Couldn't let this scene be all-too-serious, could you." you laughed.

"Nope." he said, with a goofy smile on his lips.

"Well, I think all that needed to be said, was, and I don't wanna rush things... but there's luke-warm cocoa to be drank..." you joked, too, making him laugh once again. The abolute U-turn this conversation took was just the perfectly accurate image of your relationship - almost never too serious despite serious feelings."I swear, if Haechan drank it, I'm gonna beat his shawty ass." you added as you turned around to open the door and make your way to the busy room.

"Babe, I think you're shorter than him."

"No, the proper response is 'Of course I'll help you beat his shawty ass up, babe'" you sassed as a reply.

"Sorry, I'll note it down and do better next time, mademoiselle."​

[luciddrreamss]

WWE Fanfiction prompts ♡ (Updated)

Fluff ~

"Shut up I'm cuter!"

"WAKE UP STUPID!"

"You sing angelic."

"PILLOW FIGHT!"

"This is the fifth time this song has come on."

"You're my everything."

"Marry me?"

"No one asked for your opinion."

"You're terrible at cooking."

"Hey -random text- I love you!"

"DID YOU PUT PINK HAIR DYE IN MY SHAMPOO?!"

"Shut up -insert name- I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL, FIGHT ME!"

"You should really not sing in the shower."

"There is now proof that I'm better at -video game- than you."

"I'm pregnant...."

"You're such a ~zodiac sign~

“Y/N needs a real man, and I’m going to show her one tonight on Raw/Smackdown, when I whoop your ass.”

“I’m in love with her!” “ I’m in love with her too!”

Smut~ (lmao not much here)

"Its taking all I have to not undress you right now."

"Can I touch you?"

"Why are you walking around in lingerie?"

"You sure you want to shower alone?"

"MY EYES ARE UP HERE!"

"You wanna say that again?"

A kink of your choice

"What are you biting your lip for?"

"You only make bedroom eyes at me, got it?"

"He/She/They can't do it like I do."

“Damn, is it me or is is y/n hot as fuck?”

“You're going to have to pry this belt out of my cold, dead hands to take it from me.”

“ You, me, bed now!”

“I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not lookin.”

Angst~

"You don't deserve anything."

"Fuck you!"

"GO TO HELL!"

"I don't love you anymore...."

"I lost the baby...:

"I wish I never met you."

Any kind of racist or body shaming remarks

"I should've listened to everyone about you."

Any kind of thing that is causing O/C or Y/N to die

"I can't marry you."

Comedy~

“God I hate you…” “ No you don’t.”

“Can I just whoop your ass now?”

"Mc'scuse me bitch?"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER THERE? CAUSE I WILL!"

-random threat- "Step up bitch."

"I'm not playing your games."

"THAT IS A SENSITIVE SPOT!"

"I. can't. Here. You. BADADADADADADAH (word, ex;) VICTORY!"

"FUCK!"

"Watch the profanity." "RAT SHIT, BAT SHIT, DIRTY OLD TWAT, SIXTY NINE ASSHOLES TIED IN A KNOT, HORRAYYYYYY, LIZARD SHIT, FUCK!"

"I didn't run into the wall, what are you talking about?"

"Did you seriously dress up as -random costume or person- for Halloween?"

Hey lovelies! So just send me an ask on what you want (ex. Fluff #3 or Smut #10) and I'll write it! I just want to let you know, I am in fact a slow typer, so work with me 😂. But yea I'll type an example right here, "Camryn Morgan and Finn Balor, fluff #4." And boom I'll write it as soon as I can! LOVE YA ♡