#it kind of always is but just. the position of being trans in the current climate. is scary

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Alright, this post has gotten super big and attracted tons of controversy and weird opinions so I thought I would clarify my position one last time :

No a militarized intervention, be it UN, US or whoever else, isn't a good idea. Bombs are never the answer, violence is never the answer, forcing an enormous change on people who's culture and ideas you don't understand is never the answer.

It seems the Malala Fund is seen as controversial for reasons that are unknown to me at the moment. In the meantime donating to Women for Afghan Women or to RAWA for those who can or want is still a good thing.

No Islam and religions aren't necessarily the problem. I am atheist myself, although raised in Christianity and while I absolutely believe that religion can be used and is used as a weapon in the world today, I do not believe that blaming them (instead of the people fostering an unsafe environment using them) is helpful.

Afghan Women don't necessarily want to live European/US women and that should not be the goal. The goal is for them to be safe, first and foremost, and have a choice as to what they want. The biggest thing that feminism can do is listen to Afghan Women. What do they need ? What can we provide ? They are the ones living in the situation, they know best than anybody.

Afghan Women being part of an Islamic culture doesn't mean that everything happening to them is normal or desired. The Taliban regime arrived by force and rules by force. Their society is not built on solid foundations, and without change it's certain that it won't last long. The problem is the damage they will do until it crumbles, and the damage that will be done while it's happening. The main victim of catastrophes are always the ones at the bottom of the social pyramid and in Afghanistan, it's Women. That's why we're fighting with them.

To clarify : I am against the very idea of a social pyramid. But because it exists, it has to be taken into account when deciding how to deal with things and how to provoke change.

I've had some wild comments about transidenty somehow so : to know if Afghan trans people are in danger, ask Afghan trans people. If you look at what witnesses and refugees are saying, all trans people are in danger. No they're not the danger. No transwomen are not just men trying to touch women by hiding as women. They face the same stigma as any other woman, and can be treated even worse when outed. How did you all decide they were the problem or that Afghan Women could just "become trans" to escape the oppressive regime like. How. Please. What the hell.

Stop being mean. I'm just a person who made a post on tumblr. This post may have gotten big but I still don't have the influence of other bloggers or people reblogging this post. I can't monitor everything. I can't even look at all the reblog because I don't have time. I can't answer everything. If you feel wronged because somebody said something in the reblogs, confront them, not me.

Once again I insist : I tried to educate myself but I can't guarantee I knew where to look and remembered it all correctly. Once again, I am just a random person on tumblr. If you think I should truly know something, you can go to my asks directly, otherwise there's a chance I won't see it. I don't know everything, be kind.

This post was made in the present tense but is in fact about the new law announced recently. Its details are unclear but it would essentially stop women from hearing each other pray (at least in public spaces) and other added things which many fear could lead to a total ban (if the details in the law don't immediately put it in action). As some have pointed out, women are currently still able to speak to each other in Afghanistan, but that may not last long.

I'm not american. Stop bringing the whole "Americans say this because they want to invade" argument, I'm not fucking American. I don't think of myself as a saviour. I don't think of myself as better. I just made a post about an info I saw that was bugging me, and needed to express just how wrong it felt somewhere. Don't assume I have or should have all the answers. I'm not even old enough to vote in my country. Keep that in mind when interacting.

This is one post out of hundreds people will see today. Yes it has an impact, but that doesn't mean it somehow makes me responsible for every single deranged idea somebody may have when seeing this. The average person will just like this post and move on with their lives, whether you think it's good or not. When interacting remember that I can't be expected to carry everything on one post's shoulder, nor that this post will somehow determine how people see Afghan Women for the next 30 years to come.

The amount of comments and people deciding that I was responsible for all of this because I made one fucking post about the subject is making me sick so. This is the last time I interact with my own post. I will stop responding or looking at reblogs and comments. I'll keep this post up because I do hope it reaches somebody who decides to donate or join local action to help but for the sake of my mental health (once again, just a random teenager online) I will not update it any longer.

And please remember that supporting local actions will always be more helpful than arguing with some strangers on the internet

This has been a psa or whatever

Women can't speak to each other in Afghanistan

Women can't speak to each other in Afghanistan

Women can't speak to each other Afghanistan

Women. Can't. Speak. To. Each. Other. In. Afghanistan.

No conversations

No hearing another woman's voice, no hearing her speak or pray

No way to share experiences no way to ask questions no way to organize

And if you ban education then they can't communicate by writing either

Women can't speak to each other in Afghanistan

Women can't communicate with other women in Afghanistan

People can't communicate with other people

That's how low we've gotten

Please don't forget about them.

[kurthorton-moving]

its voting season in my country and its not looking super good for me team

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hey so. Thanks for existing publicly?

I'm 43 trans masc NB about two months on T and I'm having a hard time finding positivity about people who aren't young, skinny twinks or who don't necessarily care about being The Most Masc. Reading your posts about costuming and learning inkle looming and stuff is really affirming for me as someone who DOESN'T want to get rid of my blue hair and who compulsively knits and...

When I tried to find community on Reddit, people were really mean when I tried to talk about the parts of early transition that were hard, do yes really lovely to see an older trans masc out here just being kind about it all?

So. Yeah. Feeling a bit less alone after scrolling your blog. Thank you.

That makes me feel really good, thank you!

I feel like trans groups have a lot in common with fandoms, with similar tendencies to create artificial hierarchies and eat themselves. Trauma is a shared theme in our community, and that can make people get really weird and gatekeep when they think their experiences are universal.

I wish more trans folks would get comfortable with the fact that dysphoria is a very personal thing that can vary wildly along racial and class lines (among others), and can actually get in the way of another person's euphoria.

I honestly tend to just look for the trans people in my current hyperfixation, because I will always see the world through a trans lens and I sometimes want to have those shared experiences. But I also just want to be Some Guy sometimes, albeit one with weird little hobbies. And sounds like you may feel the same.

So, yes, please keep your knitting and your blue hair, because those are important parts of yourself you shouldn't have to sacrifice!

[interstellarsystem]

Disorder Differences in Systemmates

Systemmates share the same brain, which often leads to the assumption that they're all affected the same by the brain itself. Its wiring, its abilities, and its disabilities. But symptom holders or those with intra-disorders are fairly common--at least in circles we run in--and they're not often talked about for fear of fakeclaiming or appearing ableist. We have headmates who are affected in all sorts of different ways by our disabilities. Some find things harder than others, while others actually find some tasks or symptoms easier to manage. It absolutely varies from headmate to headmate, which makes certain headmates better suited for fronting during certain times than others.

Merlin is more affected by our psychosis, particularly hallucinations, and xe tends to be more susceptible to paranoia. Mystery is a psychosis holder too, and has more positive symptoms like hallucinations than the rest of us, but is less affected negatively by it. It often hallucinates and falls into delusional thinking, but it's not really too bothered by it. So Mystery is a good choice for someone to front when we're having a psychotic episode. Sometimes, having Merlin cofront with Mystery makes it easier for Merlin to not be so susceptible to xyr symptoms.

I (Martin) have more obvious anxiety than the rest of us, and struggle much more in social situations. I'm much better at hyperfocusing on tasks, though. So I'm better suited for staying home and working on whatever the current project we have at the time, or keeping our to-do lists in check. Vince on the other hand is calm in most social situations that are more professional--so he's good for business meetings and such. In more casual conversation though, Vena and Merlin are much better at it and better suited to non-professional social groups.

Vince is an intra-NPD holder and also holds stronger symptoms of our BPD. He struggles immensely with percieved rejection, much more than the rest of us. But he also almost completely lacks empathy, which makes it much easier for him to be calm and logical in stressful situations. He finds it easier to help friends and those he cares about during stressful times because he's not weighed down by feeling their emotions--whereas the rest of us might break down from stress.

We talk a bit about mental disability differences in headmates more than those who differ physically. Somehow it seems more controvertial to mention that we have headmates that differ with physical symptoms while even in safe system spaces. It seems like most people (us somewhat included) mainly think of symptom holders as a mental disorder thing--a line of thinking we're trying to dispel. Headmates can have different disabilities and symptoms of all kinds, and it's not ableist or "harmful" to know that and speak about it. Headmates with different conditions to the body need to be recognised more.

Mike needed a cane in his memories and he absolutely needs our cane when he fronts more than the rest of us. He feels more at home and like himself having a cane by his side here, though, so it's good we already had one. I (Martin) need it more too--my joints are just more prone to pain. But our cane folds up nicely into our bag, so if we switch out in public, it's always with us just in case. Even if it's silly, we feel safer having a cane too--I mean, it's a metal pole. We're out as trans and clearly not your Regular Society Member, so it provides some feeling of safety to have.

Jayfeather was blind before, and since coming here he sure can see now, but he's much more light sensitive than the rest of us. The feeling of being able to see was nice at first, even if it was foreign, but sometimes he feels it's not worth the hassle. He needs to wear sunglasses when fronting because his eyes just end up hurting from even small amounts of light. Crowley is the same, except he wasn't blind in his memories--he just got used to always wearing sunglasses in his life to hide how his eyes looked, and needs them here now. They're both more prone to migraines due to this.

Merlin is more shaky on his feet than others who front often. His legs are digitigrade and in headspace he has his wings and tail to balance him there--but in the body, he doesn't have any of that. His legs are the wrong shape and he has no counterweight to his posture. Even with our cane, he's more prone to tripping than most.

Mystery was a godlike being that didn't need to eat human food, or any physical food at all. It often forgets that eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom are things the body needs to do, because it doesn't often feel the need to do them. That can be good if we're running low on food, or if we can't eat for a while such as before a medical procedure though, so it's useful in its own way. Mystery is also not used to using its hands for intricate things like tying shoelaces, as it's hands before we're longer, bigger, and mainly nonphysical. It didn't need to be intricate, so it's hard for it to do things others in here can.

There's so many more examples in our system. The thing is, there can be positives and negatives to any disorder, really--and headmates are no different with that. We don't necessarily assign headmates "roles" or "jobs" based on their symptoms or lack thereof, but for us to function better as a collective, people tend to gravitate toward doing certain things they know others can't. It's important for us to know how we differ with our disabilities, and work around them together as best we can.

Systemmates with different symptoms aren't uncommon, and they're not mocking disabled people, or lying for some benefit. I'd argue that for some systems with symptom holders or intra-disorder holders, it's increcibly important to know about how you differ and how to work together to be functional--whatever functional means for you.

[lycandrophile]

sorry about the out of nowhere ask but i thought id note something minor ive seen around: a lot of the time (especially on reddit) theres a lot of positivity for specifically trans women, and very little for trans men. and if a trans man/transmasc person tries to comment on that they get ridiculed for it. but then if someone posts transmasc positivity at all, people in the comments of that post will talk about how there "isnt enough positivity for trans women" despite the fact that most of the positivity posted is for trans women. i dont know, just something weird (it could also just be because reddit is kinda really different, environment-wise, but considering theres been similar things pretty much. everywhere else. yeah)

i do think a lot of this has to do with demographics – from what i've seen, reddit tends to have more trans women than trans men, so it doesn't surprise me to see more posts that are geared toward trans women there.

tl;dr because this got super long: people are right to say that there isn't enough positivity for trans women, but there also isn't enough for trans men. the fact that so many of us are ridiculed for trying to put more out there is the real problem.

at the end of the day, there really isn't enough positivity for any trans people because most of the world either hates us or wants to forget we exist. we have our little pockets of community where we support each other and lift each other up, but until the rest of society gets on board, it'll never be enough. so even in spaces where there's more positivity for trans women than for trans men, they're absolutely right to say there isn't enough positivity for trans women! and that's why i don't inherently have a problem with spaces like that – trans joy and positivity is always a good thing and always needed, and spreading that for part of the community doesn't take away from the rest of the community, it just means there's some of us are bit closer to getting the kind of love and support they deserve than they were before, and that's a good thing! you can't make everything for everyone, but if we all work at lifting each other up, eventually it'll all balance out and we'll all be better off for it. so if you happen to find a space that's for all trans people but tends to be more geared toward trans women when it comes to positivity, instead of getting caught up in how much positivity for trans women is already there, i think the best thing to do is to add positivity for trans men! we're the ones who lift each other up, so if we see a gap in the support, we're the ones with the power to step in and fill that gap.

and i can honestly understand why trans women in those spaces might get defensive or upset if someone points out the amount of positivity for trans women as if it's a bad thing, even if what that person is actually trying to say is just that they wish there was more for trans men too. i can't really blame anyone for that defensiveness because i feel the exact same way when people point out the amount of positivity for trans men&mascs here as if it's a bad thing, even though i know a lot of them are really just expressing in an imperfect way that they wish there was more for other trans people as well. wanting to defend those sources of joy in a world that offers us so few of them is only natural.

now, all of that being said, what i absolutely DO have a problem with is when that defensiveness gets to the point of attacking trans men's efforts to add positivity for ourselves as well. it perpetuates these false ideas that 1) there's only a finite amount of trans joy that can be expressed and we have to fight over it, and 2) trans men are currently hoarding that finite resource and are obligated to give it up entirely so that other trans people have a chance at getting it. obviously, both of those statements are deeply untrue – one part of the community getting support doesn't take anything away from other trans people because we should all be aiming for more support and positivity, not just redistributing the inadequate amount we currently have to more "worthy" subjects, and it's impossible to quantify how much support each part of the community gets because that's so dependent on the individual spaces you're looking at as well as what you're counting as support. and as much as i can understand feeling protective of our spaces, when that protectiveness leads us to turn on each other and push each other out of spaces that were supposed to be for all of us, that's taking it way too far.

and i also do think there's an attitude in a lot of trans spaces (and in more general queer/feminist/leftist/activist spaces) that trans men are a more acceptable target for that kind of ridicule because we're men and people in those spaces tend to already be very settled into this idea that there's never a bad time to tell men to sit down and shut up, even when the men in question are marginalized and trying to fight against their own oppression. if someone says "ugh there's too much positivity for trans women here," that's going to be met with a lot of people (rightfully) saying "hey, what the hell, man, that's super transmisogynistic." but if the same is said about trans men, those same people have no problem saying "i know, right? men love taking everything for themselves, it's the worst."

and that kind of attitude even extends to trans men simply creating positivity in spaces that don't have as much of it, even if they don't comment at all on the other kinds of positivity that might exist in that space. especially if we dare to add specific mentions of trans men onto an existing positivity post (which isn't actually a bad thing at all! adding more good to a good post doesn't take anything away from the original good!), we're met with a chorus of "wow, why do men always have to make everything about themselves, can't women have anything?" it's a perspective that groups us in with cis men as this privileged horde that talks over everyone else and seeks to dominate every space it enters, completely ignoring the fact that the image of loud domineering men they're invoking is based on cis(het white abled) men who've spent their whole lives being told they're the most important people in every room, which is very different from trans men who were brought up being taught to make ourselves small and be of service to more important people. they forget (or simply choose to ignore) that when we're loud about our needs and experiences and even our joy, it's not because taking up space was a practice passed down to us by our manhood, it's because we had to learn to be loud when we realized that staying quiet meant making it easier for the people who hate us to dispose of us without the rest of the world even noticing our absence.

all of that to say, i absolutely do think you've hit on a real issue here, i just don't think that issue actually has to do with the prevalence of positivity for trans women. it's a lot less about who gets more or less support in any given space, and a lot more about how those spaces react when the less represented groups start making their presence known. and yeah, a lot of trans spaces have some pretty damn awful reactions to trans men who literally just want to lift each other up and feel supported by our community in return.

[butchpeace]

I’ve been trying to sort out what affect being raised in a conservative and catholic environment had on my trans identification. It’s a tough thing to sort out, but I’m 100% sure I would never have wanted to be a man if I wasn’t raised in the way I was.

It seems ridiculous to imagine that there are parents out there who would prefer their child go through the hell of medical and social transition rather than just be gay and gender-nonconforming.

But it’s clear those parents are out there. And I have to reckon with the possibility that my parents are like that to some extent.

They tried. When I told them I wanted to transition, they finally told me that it’s okay to be a masculine woman. They finally asked me “Why can’t you just be a lesbian?”

It was too little too late. They had never, for my entire life up until that point, said anything positive about masculine women. They had been subtly homophobic my whole life. My mother was a judgmental person who only approved of herself and other women when they looked acceptably feminine, conservatively dressed, not weird, and not overweight. My parents used “just be a masculine woman” as a bargaining chip to prevent my transition, not because they actually meant it. Not because they actually valued me in that way.

My mom wanted me to be like her. She wanted me to wear the makeup and the bras and the dresses. She wanted me to cross my legs, act like a lady, go to college, meet a catholic boy, and spend my life having babies the way she did. It didn’t matter that I wanted short hair and to shop in the boy’s section. She wasn’t having it. After I hit puberty, it wasn’t normal to be a tomboy anymore. That’s what I was taught. My dad was a doormat. To his credit, he did try in some ways to raise his sons and daughters the same. But he also had misogynistic ideas from his religion about how his daughters ideally should be.

I think there are a lot of people out there who know deep down that life is better if you’re a man. That life is better if your kid can blend in, rather than stand out for being obviously gay. They know deep down that life can be shitty for masculine women.

Whether it’s conscious or subconscious, it’s clear that parents of trans kids know this, and part of their reasoning for supporting their child’s transition must be because they see how it would make our lives easier. Transition is a convenient idea. If you pass, it makes the family look good and normal when before they had a kid who was a black sheep. They also start to feel like they can understand or relate to you more easily when you suddenly “fit in” to the heteronormative world. Supporting transition makes them feel good about themselves in the current political climate. My parents went from homophobic conservatives to liberals practically overnight when I transitioned. Where was that support when I came out as a lesbian? Where was that support when I met my first girlfriend? Where were the pride flags and parades then?

But I also know that at the core, their intentions have always been good. They genuinely thought they were helping and supporting me in what I thought was the right thing to do. While they should have known I was too young to make the choices I did, and they should have been more involved in those choices, can I really blame them for being just as lost and confused as I was? Maybe, maybe not.

But I have to wonder, what would my life have been like if instead of my parents and that environment, I had been raised by feminists? What kind of woman would I be today?

[drtanner]

God. I'm pissed off again and you're all going to hear about it.

Some of you may know that I'm finally in a position to get my top surgery done on the NHS. I've been on their waitlist for a full year and it's finally my turn! But god, they're being asses about my BMI.

Some context: If you're trans, you can get top and bottom surgery on the NHS, but they have some really strict rules about BMI. Most top surgeons and all surgeons who perform bottom surgery require your BMI to be below 30. A few top surgeons will take you if your BMI is below 40, but you'll have to travel to see them and appointments are limited and hard to get. Over 40 BMI and you've got no options. The stated reason for this is that it's supposedly harder to get good results if they have to excise too much fat during the surgery. I'll let you decide how plausible that really is.

My BMI is a little over 40, by about 3.5kg, so not a huge amount. My fat percentage is a bit under 34, so it's not that I'm terribly fat, I just have a lot of muscle and very heavy bones! The surgeon himself - as well as every other medical professional who sees me - was surprised at how heavy I am given my size when he examined me last year and took Before pictures. My upper body is actually very lean and they know this because they've seen me! However, they're still being shits about my BMI, because BMI doesn't discriminate between muscle and fat, or how broad someone is, or how heavy their bones are or anything else, and apparently that's the only metric they go by. I've always had difficulty losing weight, probably because there really isn't that much to lose, so being told that I've now got to find a way to lose at least 3.5kg by October or have my surgery date pushed back isn't ideal and I'm getting really strung out about it. I've spent most of the last 15 years trying to get my BMI down without losing the muscle I worked so hard to build up or cut my leg off with fuck all success. I've been stable at my current weight for most of the last decade but now I have to figure out how to drop down to 121.5kg within three months.

The amount of hoops one has to jump through to get access to any kind of trans healthcare is absolutely ridiculous, a direct result of all the stupid handwringing about "permanent, irreversible surgeries!!!" and so on, as if I can't make choices about my own body.

Only, all of this bullshit about my weight and my BMI reminded me of something else: About ten years ago, when I was also getting shit about my weight (again, despite not being terribly fat, just heavy!), I got referred to a weight clinic. After seeing dieticians and being put on a drastically restricted calorie intake to no avail, I got shuffled off to the weight clinic, where they did the same blood tests that my GP had done before she referred me, saw that they came back normal again, unsurprisingly, and then promptly offered me bariatric surgery.

This was presented as the only treatment they were able to give to help me with my weight loss, to cut out part of my stomach and staple it back together to make it much, much smaller, because they didn't believe me when I told them I was controlling my diet. Like, oh yes, you say you aren't overeating all the time, but just to make sure you can't eat too much, we're going to make your stomach tiny so that you physically cannot fit food into it anymore. I've never heard anything good about bariatric surgery from anyone who had it. Every story is a horror story, from people who can't eat without stomach pain anymore, or keep down anything heavier than soup anymore, or who suffered through all of this only for what little weight they lost to come back in a few years' time. That was the only help they were willing to offer me.

I got up and left, and didn't go back again after that.

So, contrast these two situations. On one hand, I'm grappling with the NHS over my top surgery for entirely stupid reasons because it's ludicrously difficult to access any kind of trans healthcare, but especially surgeries, because they're "permanent and irreversible!!!" and "you might regret it!!!!" or whatever. Meanwhile, they couldn't throw bariatric surgery at me hard enough, just because my BMI was high. Is cutting out a huge piece of my stomach to make it smaller not "permanent or irreversible"? Might I not regret that? Especially when there's no guarantee that it would achieve the desired result at all? I know what I'm likely to get from the top surgery, but somehow that's the one nobody wants me to have.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. It's a fucking dogshit situation and I'm fucking sick of it.

[doberbutts]

I saw someone claim that the reason some trans men turn to talking about transandrophobia (with of course the underlying implication that that's a bad thing) is because they're former terfs who have had their terfy social circles turn against them after coming out as transmasc and that's why they now believe that "men are oppressed" and so on.

I find this to be an odd rationalization that I don't really buy, but do you know if this is actually a common lived experience?

I mean. I have yet to poll every single trans masc talking about whatever word of the day we're calling our problems? I am literally Just Some Guy and I am also very much not the trans masc police.

But I don't think it's that common. I also don't think this was asked in good faith, but I'm answering it like it was anyway. It's just not really an appropriate thing to ask someone, and especially not when you consider that it doesn't really matter either way.

Like, yeah, any former beliefs you may have had may influence the way you theorize in the current moment, that's not an untrue statement. It's also really toeing the line on the same logic that terfs use that say trans women will never be rid of their "male socialization". It's pretty much the gender swapped version of "trans women that talk about transmisogyny are actually former incels" which is also just not an appropriate thing to say to or about someone.

Personally I don't think it's that weird that transgender people of any and all genders are positioned well to discuss the ways gendered oppression hurts us. Many trans people have experiences with being treated as multiple genders, sometimes simultaneously, and mostly to harm us. Discussing the ways that gender can be both sword and shield is often just a discussion of lived experiences. No radical beliefs necessary.

I also personally don't think that it's very prison abolition website of you to imply that someone having problematic beliefs, behavior, or social groupings in the past means everything they think of is now tainted beyond repair. I thought we wanted rehabilitation, not forever punishment?

I never called myself a terf, and the singular friend I had that did become a terf was kicked out of our mutual friend group for their shitty beliefs and was never invited back. I've always rejected radical feminism in all of its forms because I don't think it's kind or fair to blame entire demographics for systemic issues, nor do I think entire demographics are somehow incapable of causing harm along systemic lines just because they also experience that systemic oppression.

I may not have known the correct words for the label at the time, but I have always been a black, intersectional feminist. From the time I learned what "transgender" was, I have always been trans-friendly. Even before I figured myself out. So this rational not only doesn't work with me, but it also is pretty offensive all around.

[princehendir]

please tell us more about dwarven LGBT terminology

Okay here's the stuff I have that I feel most solid on. Like, some boiler plate gender terminology, mostly.

"Eida" is basically a gender neutral version of man/woman, but it's not really the same as like, "person". You're not supposed to use it to refer to someone whose gender is unknown to you, it means their gender is known to you and they are neither/both. It's from the old language and there isn't really an exact equivalent in common/trade tongue, which is why it's still used.

"Eida kal-amgetoll" or slightly more rarely "eida kal-mara" are basically dated terms for being trans/gender variant. They used to be the go-to terminology but in the modern day are largely considered to be derogatory, in a "don't call anyone that unless you know they're okay with it" kind of way. It's kind of like "transsexual", with eida tunshavar being more like "transgender". "Eida tunshavar" is the current most commonly accepted polite term.

To break those down further:

"Tunshavar", when used literally, refers to the light level when you're leaving a dark cave (or room) and entering a well-lit one. It's like twilight if you live underground. Commonly accepted translations are "twilight", "half-lit", and "low lit" or "softly lit". Colloquially it means you have a non-straight sexual orientation, because it describes being in-between two states and homosexuality was traditionally seen as being "between" reproductive heterosexuality & celibacy (It's complicated). In recent decades it's expanded to be more of an umbrella term for all LGBT identities, similar to queer, but still generally "tunshavar" refers to sexual orientation, and "eida tunshavar" refers to gender identity.

(Sometimes Orzammarians just say half-lit when speaking in Common instead of tunshavar, and unfortunately this can cause misunderstandings because in surfacer Common similar terms like "dim" and "not bright" have, different connotations)

"Kal-amgetoll" & "kal-mara" are "husband" & "wife", respectively. Historically husband & wife were not as strictly gendered as they are now, they referred to your position in the household. Like yeah 90% of the time men were husbands and women were wives but not always. Only bringing this up to make it clear that eida kal-amgetoll and eida kal-mara are not 1-to-1 trans man/trans woman lol. There's some other nuances involved.

Kal-amgetoll and kal-mara are not really used much on their own in the modern day, but husband & wife are used in Common sometimes in a way kinda similar to butch & fem(me). Occasionally as a noun (ex. "I'm a Wife") but more often as an adjective (ex. "She's kind of husband") This is more common in the lower castes than the upper ones.

Also big hairy gay Orzammarian guys get called Brontos just because I think that's funny

[thefatcat-13]

dont kill yourself, you got this. i have a tag for positive messages if you need it: #reasons to live

sorry for the sad start, into the introduction

hi!! im Max! i use he/it/glitch/void/xe/ pronouns (aka i will marry you if you use my neos for me). im trans and aroace!

pronoun page!!: https://en.pronouns.page/@Thefatcat13

image credit: @lgbtq-userboxes

other blogs!:

@holy-crab-guys where i talk abt sea creatures, crabs are my favorite but i love them all

@crab-detector where is detect crabs

interests and dni below the cut if you’re interested

onto interests!!!

i love reading! i am currently reading How it Began: the Time Travelers Guide to the Universe by Chris Impey (as of April 1st, 2024)

a few of my favorite books off the top of my head and not including sequels are

What If Its Us by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda Dewitt

Magical Boy by The Kao

They Both Die in the End by Adam Silvera

If I See You Again Tomorrow by Robie Couch

i like a few musical including:

basically ALL the starkid musicals (other than ani, no offense i just dont know jack shit abt starwars so it rlly wasnt my thing lol)

specifically the hatchetfield series (i just added this so i can say my favorite lord in black is T’noy Kraxis)

Heathers

Be More Chill

Ride The Cyclone

Dear Evan Hansen

Beetlejuice

and i like other kinds of music too! for example:

Limp Wrist

Sex Pistols

Cojum Dip

Fagatron

Will Wood

Pansy Division

Jhariah

Bikini Kill

(image credit @awigglycultist post link 🔗)

i have a pretty basic DNI

-racists

-homophobes/transphobes

-proshippers (do whatever you want in fiction but it makes me uncomfortable so i dont rlly want to hear abt it)

-terfs

-basically just if you’re nice to other ppl then you’re fine

people who are definitely allowed!

-neopronoun/xenopronoun users

-xenogender users

-typically “cringe” ppl (if you feel like you dont fit in cause of your interests or stuff like that)

-idrk what else to add lmao im basically just fine with like everyone, as long as you’re nice to me i will be nice to yoy

if you read this far and think im cool then maybe we could be friends! my dms are open always! (tho im not that good at being social lmao)

[degenderates]

What would almost-terf talking points look like? Genuinely curious because I never see stuff like that, though I may just not be aware of it. Thank you in advance ❤️

hey! no worries, it takes a lot of being on the internet (unfortunately lol) to notice the patterns of how online terfs talk about gender and make their stuff palatable for the masses, so here are a few pointers. keep in mind that people who post this kind of rhetoric aren't always terfs and you should be skeptical of ANYBODY who tells you that there are a complete set of "rules" you must follow or subjects you must avoid. think for yourself, but also be careful. with that being said, here are some things i've noticed after being on the trans internet for a few years:

1- "radfem"/"radfem-safe"/"radblr"/etc. usually they're a terf they just dont want to add the te- to the acronym. funny thing is they're not all that radical lol.

2- gender essentialism. this is one of the most insidious i think, because it's so well disguised, or simply poised as common sense. this can include anything about men and women being inherently different, whether this is about sexual violence, sexuality in general (including types of queerness), love, understanding/intuition/empathy, certain skills, whatever. sometimes it's just a joke but be careful because humor is a form of persuasion as well, just easily able to avoid blame. the reason why gender essentialism is terfy is because it posits that gender is immutable. ie. can't change. women are inherently like this, so someone who identifies as a man now will never get it, even if they end up being trans later. though some of these takes might have an addendum of, "trans women are women" or something like that, supposedly being inclusive of trans ppl, they don't account for people who aren't secretly eggs their whole lives. sure, a transfem who always knew she was a girl might be "included," but not a trans person who lived as their agab for their first 20, 30, or even 40 years. etc. tldr: this kind of rhetoric reveals how people truly feel about gender difference regardless of what they claim to support.

3- "male/female socialization." this one's tricky because yes we as humans in a society are socialized and yes that includes gender (which is a social construct in and of itself), but the vast majority of times i've seen this phrasing used is by terfs, so much so that if trans people want to talk about gender socialization, we have to use other terminology. the problem here is that folks' "current" gender is considered null and void due to how they were raised. this one is sort of the opposite of the phenomenon of "including" trans people in gender essentialism--it blocks us out from our actual gender in favor of seeing us as what we once were.

4- a weird fascination with militant genetalia. urls or bios that include stuff about vaginas and cunts killing people or whatever...i'm not against this, but most people who have this on their blog are terfs lol. aside from the jokes, people who see phallic imagery as something inherently violent or the penis as a body part as violent instead of like, the person as violent (if they are) is a big one. i guess the militant vagina is like reclaiming this somehow. i'm not sure. but it's a thing.

5- gatekeeping queerness. people who try to limit queerness to being lesbian/gay/bisexual, acephobes, arophobes, people who have this very basic understanding of queerness as same-sex attraction. sometimes they hate the word "queer." people who don't understand queerness as a culture and a way to play with gender and identity and presentation as well as sexuality, or as a political entity. queerness isn't just about being gay or straight. now not all acephobes are terfs, but because terfs have admitted to using acephobia to induct people into being radfems, and most terfs are acephobic....well. that's just one example, of course, but the point stands. anyone attempting to divide the queer community is inherently sus to me.

and finally, 6- if you download shinigami eyes, people marked as terfs show up in red. be careful because sometimes people mark others as red out of malintent, but if the person is showing other signs of being a terf and is red, they probably are one, lol. hope this helps, and other people feel free to add on! as always, take my post as just the observations of one individual, as a grain of salt!

[our-t4t-experience]

I'm transmasc and came out to my transfem GF a couple days ago. She says she's pansexual and that me being trans is great since she can talk about being trans more comfortably around me now

but I can't help but feel like she's kind of uncomfortable/upset about it and she hasn't been doing a great job at using my new pronouns or name.

I'm not really sure what to do because I really think she wants to break up with me now, but I don't want to since we've been dating for a long time and currently live together in a apartment.

is she autistic by any chance? she may be more upset about the new change in name/pronouns because its new and change rather than that youre trans. ive had a couple of people confide in me that theyve felt this way. also, theres sometimes a relationship dynamic change when you come out when youre in a relationship

alternatively she could just be one of those people who prioritize being gay (which is way too much of the queer community tbh) and may be uncomfortable thinking you may identify as being in a straight relationship (which u dont gotta identify as being in a straight relationship but if u do thats cool too) and honestly theres ways to educate those kinds of people into understanding that st4t and queerhet/transhet relationships r like cool actually. but it depends on the person for sure

overall, id give it a bit. a couple of days is a really short amount of time, especially when you've known someone as another name/pronouns for a really long time. if she truly loves you, she will get over her hangups. the autistic opposition to change is pretty short lived if its a positive change (i know this from experience as an autistic person who hates change). and on the off chance that shes like someone who doesnt like transmasc ppl/trans ppl, thats a personal problem for her, and u can always find way better than that. there is no shortage of people to date who will love you just how you are<3

[veeves34]

Thoughts on Dawntrail

I have finished the MSQ and done some side quests, and I have finally come to a conclusion on my overall impression of the expansion so far. I will break it down into two sections, spoiler free and then spoilers.

Spoiler Free:

-The graphics update is great, I can't wait until all of the old zones/characters/gear are updated, it will be great to go back and see the changes.

-The art and design is, as always, lovely, and I really enjoyed the overall designs of most of the zones.

-The music was great, as usual, however, there are a few songs that are complete misses for me...especially when you have been in an area for a while and you hear the same tune repeat over and over again...I have muted my music more in this xpac than in previous ones.

-The jobs are good, I always level everything to MAX level and have 2 jobs at 100 so far, but, overall, the changes/additions to the jobs that I prefer are good changes and the additions don't change too much about the rotations that I know and like. I like current Viper and am sad to see that they are planning on making changes, I think it is fine the way it currently is and the positionals and other complaints that I have seen are silly in my opinion. My Pictomancer is only 90 at the time of writing, the job is cute, and I get how it works, but as I don't really like casters in FFXIV anyway, it isn't a job that I am going to play much beyond getting it to 100.

Now for spoilers:

-As to the overall story, it was fine, a nice break from doom and gloom, but I have several major issues:

-Let's let the cat out of the bag first; Wuk Lamat - I like her in general and I am sad to see that people are being such dicks about the VA being trans, I thought the voice acting was fine, it was the character itself that was a little annoying to me. I understand that we are supposed to be guiding her through a journey where she grows into the leader she needs to be, however, even at the end, she is still just very naive in ways that I just find annoying as a personality trait.

My biggest issue, with her as a character, actually happens in the later half of the story, after she has ascended to Dawnservant. Once everything starts hitting the fan and we recognize that the problem is an issue involving a Reflection and we have way more meta knowledge about what is really happening, it seems silly that we would still be holding her hand and trying to explain every bit of lore instead of addressing the issues at hand.

The whole vibe of most of the story felt very after school special with the power of friendship and rainbows solving the problems that happen. I also did not like it during the Interphos trial her busting her way into the fight and "winning it" with the power of positivity, that just didn't work for me.

As the WoL we have seen people like Sphene in multiple expansions, all trying to "save" their people and using that to justify atrocities...Hades, Elidibus, Thordan to name a few. And in each case, we said "Cool motive, still murder" and dealt with the offender as they needed to be, even at great personal cost, especially once we knew exactly who/what the WoL is and means to some of the characters.

So, why are we dealing with Sphene, who we saw at the massacre in Tuliyollal, with friendship is magic powers. It worked with Metion because she was the literal embodiment of despair and needed to be given some perspective on hope, but Sphene, as a character, did not earn that kind of respect/kindness from my WoL.

Overall, I am just glad to be done with the MSQ and look forward to the raid fights and hopefully some cool/interesting side quest stories.

-I think my biggest issue with the story overall, is just a problem that happens with all MMOs and that is the illusion of control in the story. We can't choose not to support Wuk Lamat, even if we feel one of the other candidates is a better fit. We can't choose how we deal with/approach anything that is happening in the last two zones of the game. That is a function of this type of game genre, once you have to create a story in a world that is beyond a single player scenario, you can't really give anyone any personal drive to change how the story plays out.

Compare it to a pure RPG like Baldur's Gate 3 - yes, in the end the story is still driving you on a path to defeat the end boss, but there are so many different approaches to how you get there, that you never really have the exact same experience twice - you can be good, evil, neutral, romance who you want, approach fights in many different ways, characters can die, actions have consequences and are permanent.

However, in an MMO-RPG the story always has to be the same path for every character, every time, for hundreds of thousands of people. The only real choice you have is which of the two zones you are going to go to first when you do the first branching quest after the main city. I love MMOs, I have played them for many, many years, but once you start to see the man behind the curtain, so to speak, it becomes much less interesting to really care about the lore. I kind of understand where some story skippers have a point - if you just want to experience some cool fights, does it really matter what the narrative framework used to justify the existence of those fights is?

[forest-wolfie]

I've been thinking about this for a long ass time but fuck you I'm dropping my Spiderverse headcanons!!! I need this shit out of my system because I think about these movies a normal amount. Also be warned this is a long ass post, but enjoy my silly brain thoughts if you decide to read!!

Miles and Gwen are both trans, and later on form a t4t queerplatonic relationship together. (post movies) Rio and Jeff are both supportive of the two while Gwen's dad is a bit suspicious of Miles being from a other dimension, but he trusts his daughter to keep herself safe.

Miguel is a stealth trans man, and has been transitioned for years now! No one in the Spider Society knows besides Peter B, once they finally start dating much later on. Technically Lyla knew from the start, but she still keeps it secret (mostly acts as his reminder to take his t shots.)

Hobie has heterochromatia, but not the typical kind. He has sectoral hetero chromia, having a segments of brown in golden colored eyes. It's kind of splotchy looking, not truly a perfect cut color. Most people like to comment they look like Tigers eye stones, which he finds flattering.

Hobie also just labels himself as queer. He would technically be considered to be on the aromantic spectrum, but he's very open and will really just kinda go around with any friends of his if they're comfortable with it. He really prefers to have deeply formed bonds through platonic means, even if it's sexually (which he really does often.) That type of bond is much more fulfilling to him.

Peter B is in fact bisexual, and ended up divorcing MJ which is what lead him to getting with Miguel much later down the line. MJ was the one to also initiate the divorce too, Peter's life as Spider-Man was simply just too much for her and it only caused her way too much stress on top of her current job being a journalist. They still have shared custody of Mayday and they both get to see her often, making sure she is properly cared for.

Adding to that last one, Miguel also helps raise Mayday when she's with Peter and as she grows up she tells people she has a mom and two dads. Usually people's first reaction isn't always positive until she explains it but Pete finds it both very funny and very adorable that she considers Miguel a second father. It also gives Mig a chance to be a dad again after already losing his own kid previously, so Mayday kind of acted as an opportunity for him to heal from his grief.

This is less of a headcanon and I guess a general agreement but to me its a headcanon- I think Spider-Man Noir specifically is the oldest of the main group. He's been in the Spider Society for many years now and my estimate is he is about in his mid 40's by the time Across the Spiderverse takes place. Mig and Pete are both in their mid-early 30's, Hobie is 20 and Pav is 18, and the Miles and Gwen are both 15 and 16 respectively. Ages are all vague in the movies so I honestly just go based off of voices, behaviors, and general vibes for this one.

Since Noir is the oldest one of the group as well, he typically ends up being the mentor for any rookie Spider-People looking to learn some moves in combat. He is a very skilled fighter even for using a gun, he still knows how to defend himself an throw some punches. If Miles wasn't treated like a literal outlaw in the Spider Society, Noir would have mentored him and taught him some more proper fighting techniques so he can become stronger as a young Spider-Man. Miles has experience of course, but Noir sees much better potential in that boy that he would like to bring out in him.

[simplysnaps]

Sorry if this is a dumb question but as someone who's kinda dreading the career they went to school for (I went for art) and kinda just wants a stable desk job with benefits now: do you have any advice on how someone looks for them? Like, what even IS a desk job? (Again sorry if this is stupid but I have deadass no clue how or where to get a job that's not retail 🥹)

I've gotten a few asks like this, so I figured I'd answer one for everyone. The short answer is: No, I don't have a magic bullet that will land you a desk job making $50k/year with a 401k and benefits. I wish I had an answer, I wish there were safeguards in place that protected everyone from asking a highly unqualified 24-year-old girl for career decisions. I wish you all could get/have what you need. But since y'all asked for my advice, here's what I have to offer. Once again, I am just some girl, I'm not a business-god:

#1: The website I found my job on is https://otta.com/. It's a great place to find jobs in the tech field. It's where I found the job I'm currently working at!

#2: It's easier to find a job when you have a job. I know this seems like old-fashioned advice your racist uncle gives you at Thanksgiving, so lemme reiterate it as a socialist trans girl you follow. This advice is TRUE. You are less desperate and less inclined to make silly decisions/concessions if you're currently employed. Our existing system is literally designed from the ground up to exploit desperate workers who are given the decision to either work or DIE, so yes... In our current system, being employed PERIOD is preferable to not being employed. There will always be someone to work harder for less compensation, so you have to make yourself "worth something" by having additional options. This is fucked, and I wish it weren't the case, but the way to gain "capital" as an employee is to have mobility and options. Be in a position where you're able to tell someone "No, I'm better than that. I'll find something else." If you're not in that position, I'm truly sorry. I wish I had more advice for you. Like I said, I'm not an expert at job-matching, I'm just a girl who's been asked by dozens of people at this point for direction.

#3: Be kind to yourself. If there's anything I've learned in the last year+ of therapy, it's that we have to be kinder to ourselves. None of us are "where we want to be." Trust me, I know. I was in a terribly abusive situation far too recently, but now it feels like such a distant dream. So if you're currently in that position, I have a few things to say to you: Firstly, it gets better. I know that feels like something better-off-people say to us just to make themselves feel better, but I can personally confirm this. Unless you're literally dead, there is the possibility that things get better than they currently are. It can happen. I was once hopeless, thinking life could never get better. Now I'm financially independent with savings and a nice apartment. It's POSSIBLE. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you. Just try to believe it can. Secondly: Be willing to endure the shit jobs until you find a job that you can actually tolerate. Endure/tolerate are two entirely different things. I once endured my job. Now I tolerate it. Do you think I love working customer support? No! But I'm fine with it! I like it some days! That's what's important! Just... not wanting to unalive yourself at the end of the day!

#4 is for the folks who can MOVE: I can't relate to this one as an asthma disabled gal, but I have heard that it's quite simple to "sell your body" for money. This isn't sex work, it's actually factory/shipping work. If you're able-bodied and can work exhausting hours, maybe consider a job at a FedEx joint, or an Amazon warehouse. Like I said, this isn't advice for getting a great job, it's advice for getting enough money to survive. If you are physically able to lift/move stuff without collapsing/dying, maybe consider this option! It is grueling and draining, but it pays a fat check for the damages. This isn't ideal for the long-term, but can serve you well for a hot minute if you have the physical health to survive it.

#5: Just hang in there. You're beautiful, and I know everything feels like hell at the moment, but please trust me as someone who's been there that it can get better. It did get better. Someday, everything you're enduring will be a story you tell your loved ones, a tale of what you used to endure. It will show them where you came from, but it won't be where you are. You can beat this. You will beat this. I know you can, because I truly believed I was doomed to my place in the world. I hope you understand that I'm not a grifter, I'm not trying to sell you a magic solution to your problems. I'm openly admitting that I cannot help you. But what I can offer is a promise that it can get better. Not that it will, but that it can. And that's worth pushing through, right? I know it can, and I know it will. The alternative is death, which is oblivion anyway. That means, statistically, it must get better! Otherwise it'll be "nothing," which is null and void!

So get out there, champs! Or hang in there! Either, or! Try to focus on #1, it's the most important! I love you all.

[velvetvexations]

Hi Velvet! Would like to open this ask with a bit of positivity-- I've been having it rough lately, both in the general life department and my personal issues department, and scrolling your blog really helps calm me down and relax <3 I wish good things upon you, your loved ones, and the community you've built here. I'm really sorry for dumping this super long ask into your inbox, but I'm not sure who else would engage with what I have to say here. And on that note, I'm also extremely grateful to you.

I've been thinking a lot lately on all the "tme privilege" discourse that's pretty much overrun this site and wanted to throw in my two cents to the conversation as a bigender person (male + female). Full disclosure that I'm an AFAB perisex individual, and do not identify with the transmasc nor the transfem label. I haven't personally made any original posts on the topic myself, but I'd like to believe I generally have a grasp on where everyone is coming from.

In the broadest sense, I think holding these kinds of charged discussions during a period in which society is experiencing a collective moral panic over trans people has put a lot of us on edge. It's caused us as a community to forget the base truth that ultimately we are trying to navigate our very personal traumas through these discourses, and our priority has shifted from proactively extending compassion and sympathy to each other to defensively antagonizing and segregating ourselves out of hypervigilance. The natural consequence of such hypervigilance on social media platforms is the creation of an environment where opinions and perspectives are constantly being policed. So to a certain extent, I'd posit that the argument is not so much a direct trans intracommunity issue as it is a online socialization phenomena that intersects with trans digital spaces and our current political climate. As a lot of older trans people (by which I mean 30+) have observed, this is a fairly recent trend in trans discourse, and conversation was typically much more open and less hostile even a decade ago.

In the more specific, rhetorical sense, I can't make heads or tails of the logical throughline in any of the most radical arguments. It is just the case that sometimes lived experiences will contradict each other, and sometimes the things that have shaped one person's suffering will have shaped others' in similar but also very different ways-- it's frustrating that no one seems to understand this. Watering down the nuances of reality to these very clear-cut definitions of what makes up specific types of people's experiences is just strange to me. I am supposed to believe I would be TME despite identifying as a woman who also seeks gender-affirming care that would masculinize her bottom parts. I would love to hear what exactly would distinguish me from the specter of the degenerate trans woman in the eyes of society if I start walking around with a cock and boobs at the same time while calling myself a woman and a man simultaneously. I certainly would no longer be treated as a member of the social class of women, and I most definitely would be excluded from the social class of men. And yet by all means this is supposed to fall under the umbrella of transmasc experiences, despite me not claiming transmasculinity in any way shape or form. If I have physically transitioned and I am a woman, and then experience transphobia in ways that interface with my womanhood, how can that not be called transmisogyny? Then do I call myself TMA? But I was born with the sex designation of female! I was socialized as a girl and wouldn't possibly be able to grasp the depth of the trauma that real trans woman go through… It just goes around in circles. This is also honestly why I find myself identifying much more with intersex individuals than I do with binary trans individuals in general but, man, these circlejerks sure do jerk those circles.

I'm always happy to give people a space to talk about things. There's way, way too much hostility going on between people who should be working together. It's always important work to push back against that and to not swallow what you're told you have to accept as reality. You're doing really good at that.