#it just reminded me that those posts exist and how funny it is when i see a gorgeous beautiful gofset and i scroll down and its from like

[sulky-cabbage]

Eve: "Regarding the lyrics, this time its about portraying the conflicts and feelings of the characters in Jujutsu kaisen. This kind of feeling inside me, made me choose the characters one by one and thus write the lyrics. I don't dare to say where or who..."

Also Eve:

Alternative translations: 1 2 3 4

The lyrics hit different after ch 271. I kinda want this to be the op for s4 ngl

[kumakuma-circus]

just randomly remembered that during my like 10+ attempts at the shadow yukiko fight i more or less consistently ran out of revival beads so yosuke was just dead (well unconscious but whatever) on the ground for like half the fight gfhfjvhfhfhd-

[nomaishuttle]

some movies r legit ass tier awful movies sucks to watch boring not good horrific but the gifsets you ppl rb mke me like Hokd on this looks kinda good

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King au literally haunts me, I feel like one of those medieval age monks who would receive divine visions, except it's historical au old man yaoi. They just. Live in my head. Constantly. Like I so badly want to draw and write things for them, but it just can't live up to the world that's developed in my head 😭😭 Idk. I just think about them and I'm just lost in it aahsjdkfkfk. Just the whole world of it, and their characterization within it. They are real to me >:)

[eowynstwin]

Obviously if your asks aren’t open then feel free to disregard this- (love your work btw I just- I cant- 🥰)

Do you think they keep the dog tags *ON* during sex? How do you think they’d wear them during it? Would they have you wear them?

You don’t HAVE to answer for each individual character obviously if you would rather just do it as a whole or just one that’s fine! Whatever works for you 💕

*cracks knuckles* I’ll do ‘em all. (Sorry for the long post, I’ll put it under a readmore when I get home 🙏)

Do the Tags Stay on in Bed?

Ghost wears his tags because, like the mask, they just don't ever come off. He is two people when he is with you--Ghost is the creature that can protect you, that can do the things Simon Riley would have been too weak for when it comes to your safety. But Simon is the man that could have loved you properly. Simon is the man Ghost believes could make you coffee in the morning, could rub your neck at the end of a long day.

It isn't initially why he wears his tags when he fucks you, but it is now--Ghost holds you in an iron grip, looms over you as he thrusts into you hard enough to bang the headboard against the wall, and feels the tags with a dead man's name clink against his chest. They remind him that you deserve whatever is left of the man who would have been far better for you than Ghost ever could be.

Soap wears his tags fully out of pride. The SAS is his life, is a massive part of his identity, and while he knows not every mission he's sent on is wholly for the good, he holds onto his conviction to act with integrity and compassion no matter what. The SAS might not always do good, but he will, as much as he can.

He wants you to be proud of him, too--he's really doing it all for you, after all. When those tags hang between you as your legs are wrapped around his waist, as they come to rest on your chest when he leans down to kiss you, he wants you to know that when he wears them he's thinking of you.

Gaz has no preference, but more often than not they stay on because he forgets to take them off. Usually, it's because the moment you're both free with enough time to actually have sex, he isn't going to bother with silly things like getting completely undressed--he wants you, now.

So, they've whacked you in the face a couple times as the two of you have gone at it. It's too funny to get mad at, and Gaz always uses it as an excuse to "make it up to you." Sometimes he'll take them off, too, and put them around your neck instead. "Keep 'em safe for me, eh?" he says with a grin.

Price takes his tags off. Over 20 years of service have left him wanting something that exists apart from violence and bloodshed, and every moment he spends with you is that something. He doesn't want to be the Captain with you, not unless he has to be--putting his tags aside gives him permission to just be John with you.

Besides, they'd get in the way. John does his very, very best to please you, to satisfy you beyond any expectation you may have of him, and sometimes that leaves you needing to bite down on his neck to keep from screaming. You’d probably not prefer to break a tooth on the tags’ chain.

Alejandro also takes his tags off, although it’s less about keeping work and pleasure separate and more about the annoyance they can be. When he is with you, Alejo is focused wholly on you, and does not appreciate distractions of any sort. He doesn’t want to have to fling his tags around to get them out of the way, or let them hang to be caught on an errant foot or wrist.

He does, however, love to see you wear them. It’s totally a possessive thing, but in the best way—Alejo worships the ground you walk on, and seeing his name around your neck inspires the same awe usually reserved for the divine. He thinks you could have anyone you wanted, and is humbled daily that you continue to choose him.

Rudy doesn’t care either way if the tags are on or off, and if the topic ever comes up he leaves that up to you. It’s an attitude that is very in-character—Rudy’s satisfaction comes from ensuring that you are satisfied, no matter what. Rudy’s love language, hands down, is acts of service.

Similarly to Alejo, however, he does enjoy seeing you wear his tags. “They belong to you anyway, mi vida,” he’ll tell you, lining your neck with gentle kisses. “All of me does.” (He has been known, however, to forget where he puts them if they do come off. So it’s probably better if they stay on.)

Bonus: Valeria gave hers to you a long time ago. She asks very frequently to see them, to make sure you keep them with you at all times. She promised herself she would never, ever carry their weight again, but she also can’t quite bear to throw them away, so now they stay with the only person in the world that she trusts.

If you wear them to bed, it will inspire a frenzy in her that will leave you limping the next morning. Those tags are a past version of her, a version she emerged from like a snake shedding its skin. While she is never sure how to feel about that previous self, seeing you take care its vestiges satisfies an ache in Valeria that she will never acknowledge.

Bonus: Graves has mixed feelings about his tags overall, being that he is technically not required to wear them anymore. They don’t mean the same thing to him now that they used to. That doesn’t mean they aren’t always on him, of course—he keeps them tucked into his boots. So you never see them.

If you were to ever find them, bring them into the bedroom? It could go one of two ways. On the one hand, you could end up benefitting short-term from the frustrated agitation those tags inspire, with Graves using your body to relieve an old, invisible hurt you never knew about. He will withdraw from you afterwords, though, too caught up in himself to really connect with. On the other, he could just withdraw immediately, recede from you, and the tension of that encounter will linger for days. It’s best not to involve his tags at all.

[lucysarah-c]

Second question!

(sorry for the delay, work got in the way >___> Once again, there is absolutely no rush to reply to these <3 Especially because I know I will make a mess of this ask in particular lol) I think you mentioned in one of your previous posts that you think Levi would very much be of the opinion "my past is my own, and just because we are together does not mean you are entitled to know it". Or something on those lines.

Now, imagine Levi and Y/N have been together for a while and, despite not pressing him, she has made clear that she is interested in where he comes from, in understanding "all of him". Do you thin Levi would still be tight-lipped about his past? Or do you see him randomly dropping things whenever he feels comfortable, like he told Nifa about Kenny?

And finally... do you think he would ever talk voluntarily about Furlan and Isabel? How would that conversation go? And, how do you see Levi replying to Y/N saying somethig like "I think they would be proud to see how far you got"?

That's it, I promise my questions should be done for a while uahahaha I know I did it in my previous ask, but thank you very much for taking the time to read these and for the patience you have when replying to all of us and for putting up with the fandom in general! I wish you a lovery day Lucy and I send you a heartfelt hug <3

Hi, Feris! It's always a pleasure to see you in my inbox, sweetie <3

I love it when I have clear answers for asks, haha. I think Levi would first start by casually dropping little details about his life. Like, maybe one day they’re both lying in bed, and she’s playing with his hair when she notices a scar on his head. She could ask about it, and Levi would just go, “Oh, that? It’s from when Farlan and I stole our first 3DMG. It was so broken that even after I tried to fix it, it went berserk. I hit the corner of a roof and left blood everywhere, haha. But Farlan couldn’t stop laughing long enough to help me—the idiot.”

I imagine Levi doing this a lot—sharing the most heartbreaking stories like they’re funny memories. And she’d be there like, “…sweetie, that’s actually traumatizing and sad.” I feel like, as you mentioned, he’d drop these things randomly when he felt comfortable enough.

This next part is based on personal experience since one of my parents is really secretive about their life. I don’t think Levi would avoid talking about Farlan or Isabel, even on a daily basis. If he’s comfortable with her, I feel like he’d bring them up in conversation more often than we might expect. But I don’t see him sitting down to explain everything in detail, you know? Like, Levi wouldn’t act like they never existed or try to hide them, and the same goes for his mother or Kenny. He might mention them casually in conversations, but I don’t think he’d willingly go through the vulnerability of talking in-depth about the experience of losing them. If that makes sense?

Levi’s past would be like a puzzle she’d slowly piece together. He’s the type of partner who would share the most character-defining story on a lazy Sunday while making pancakes, all because something in the moment reminded him of it, as if it were nothing.

As for the comment you suggested Y/N make, I think he’d definitely be touched by it. He’d probably go quiet for a moment, breaking eye contact as he tries to process the feeling. Then, in a quiet voice, he’d murmur, “Thank you. But I’d still prefer it if they were here… those idiots.” Softly, almost under his breath. If they were close, maybe he’d squeeze her hand or rest his forehead against hers for a moment while he gathered himself, not wanting to show too much vulnerability.

Thank you so much for all your sweet comments, T-T! Truly, I appreciate them. Sending you a big, tight hug back!

[thatbitchery]

BOUNDARIES 101; WHAT ARE THEY, WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE THEM AND HOW TO HAVE THEM

A boundary is the line of discontinuity where the rest of the world stops and you begin, simply put. It's the line that says: past this point, you don't matter, I do. That's that. In this way we can classify a boundary as a definition of who you are/ self.

A boundary is more 'yes' than it is 'no' . We easily express the no ( don't talk to me that way) but at the root of it is the yes desire (talk to me with respect). Boundaries are more about desire than restriction. They're more of expressions of the self than a restriction of the other. Stay with me here, I'll get to that point real soon.

Contrary to popular belief, a boundary is not verbal. It's energetic. This is the one point I want you to walk away with from this entire post. You can miss the rest but this. This. One. Here. You do NOT verbally express a boundary, you energetically draw it. This is the takeaway here babe. This right here.

Let me put it this way: you can not tell someone what they can or can not do. Why? Because this is an infringement of free will and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING in this planet will cause you to face more resistance and friction than telling a free being what restrictions it must face. You're not being 'strong and powerful' when you tell someone to not speak to you that way you're causing friction and opening the door to a lot more disrespect than there once was.

Take this scenario. That guy at your office that was better off unborn. Every time he opens his mouth you burn with pity for that one poor lady that really spent nine months creating this thing. That Mr Red pill, you know? Youre in a meeting and you say something intelligent that reminds him hes actually dumb so he says something like 'hey sweetheart can you make me a cup of coffee?' With a smirk. The rest of the office laughs, it's just funny you know? Two ways this could go.

1. You tell him it's not funny. "Hey listen Chad that's misogynistic as fuc don't talk to me like that" so Chad raises his hands in mock surrender and goes "whoaaaa I didn't meannanything by it, just a joke. Man, these raging feminists, not everything is misogyny Sarah learn to take a joke, Christ". Now the meeting is ruined for you. You go into an argument that gets shut down in favor of the meeting. Walking out there's two groups of people, on your side and on his side, and now that you've marked a target on your back you know for a fact you'll be the recipient of microaggressions and snide remarks, suddenly work feels so so heavy.

2. You look him straight in the eye and keep talking. You completely ignore that remark and move on. He makes one more move and you ignore him completely, moving on. It's like he doesn't even exist. After the meeting he runs after you to try and act apologetic but you know it's a drama trap, so you stop and turn to him. He's talking but you're staring at his forehead. Then neck. Then shirt. And I mean with absolutely no emotion, no disdain, no approval, just blank staring. He's still talking, you look at his shoes, back to his forehead. He's still going on and you say "work to do" and go back to your desk. That's the last time you speak to him unless you have to, and when you do have to it's three sentence words, straight unwavering eye contact, NEVER forget to stare at that forehead (manipulation 101 beechez) and tilt your head. When your eyes meet glaze your sight like you couldn't be bothered. Before He's done you walk out or move to the next person. You give him no second you dont have to, whatever silly rumors he starts you shrug off, you talk to him with your back up straight and no facial express, like he's nothing (because I mean. He's nothing)

Which one of those two do you think works.

You. Can . Not. Tell a person what they can or cannot do. Back when I thought I had boundaries and I'd tell every Mary and John what they can and can not do to me all I met was "oh my gooooddddd wow you're so conceited if you think I put all that energy into disrespecting you oh my goooood it's not that deep ohmigauuuud girl get over it oh my God so I'm the bad guy now wuh wuh wuh" and walked out of those conversations with more friction and resistance than solutions feeling guilty as hell and even lost some valuable people. You. Just. Can't. You'll shoot yourself in the foot.

So how do we express our boundaries ladies? Energetically. When you decide for yourself no one should come to your house unannounced don't even open the door. My mother does this. She'll be inside just chilling and after you call she'll answer "you should have said you're coming! I wasn't expecting a visitor today so I was busy!" And that's all you get. No apology. No rescheduling. Next time. Call. [Queeeen behavior].

Boundaries have more to do with what you will do than what the other person can and can not do. Once more you can't tell a person what to do, so your boundary is your "if....then" plan. If someone speaks to me in a way I don't like that's the last time I speak to them unless I have to until an apology is delivered and they earn me back. If my bf doesn't call or speak to me all day I'm not speaking to or calling him until there's a bunch of flowers, poetry and restaurant reservation for an apology and an actual apology and it's two strikes and I'm out. If my parents do not respect my choices they don't get to be a part of said choices, the good or bad or in between. If my friends gossip about someone else they lose access to my personal information or life because once a gossip always a gossip. If. . . Then. A boundary without attached consequence is a joke.

If you don't know what boundaries to set there are three ways you can go about it.

1. Visualize the woman you're hoping to become. Who is she. What are her ways. What boundaries do you think she has?

2. Discomfort and pain. Most boundaries are inborn. Since we are born with the 'self' it comes with its own definition/ lines and if there was no socializing process we would still have them but for the sake of fitting in our social groups a lot of us had to give them up (I'm looning at you people pleasers) . If you have lost touch with yours listen to your Discomfort. What's on the other side of that is your desire and the line between is your boundary. Eg; you don't like how that man was looking at you. You have a boundary against sexualization. Okay, the next time someone sexualizes you, what's the consequence they face?

3. Off your head what boundaries do you want. The problem with this method is we express our trauma more than boundaries. I was hurt by someone in this way so this is my boundary. Being that a boundary is an expression of the self to base it on your pain is a betrayal to the self, but until you get back in touch with your self this works. Off head. What do you want.

The reason we have boundaries is to safeguard ourselves , or, our SELF from corrosion, dilution and diffusion. If you're in a constant state of fear, pain, anxiety, fight or flight you need more boundaries, your SELF is in jeopardy and given that life is literally structured about your SELF do I need to explain why it must be protected at all costs? Negative emotion is a good indicator of a boundary crossed. Those things that hurt your soul, those. Keep them OUT of your lines.

You have to train the people around you to respect your boundaries by a shift in your energy that they FEEL and they have to jump through hoops, go above and beyond to get back into your good graces or lose you for life. You must be willing to upset and lose people in safeguard of your best interests, and if the person is irreplaceable even just temporarily eg your boss, you must shift your energy subtly enough that they feel it but softly enough that you have enough time to plan a soft exit without getting fired.

Telling people what to do will bite you later, don't bother. You train people with reward and punishment in the way you regulate your energy, like one trains a dog. Good thing? Neutral and normal. Bad thing? Worship me or die.

Reminder nothing on the face of this planet, in heaven above or hell below or galaxy around is worth betraying your SELF for and keeping up with bullshit is the loudest expression of a lack mindset that says "I'll take what I have because I don't think there is better for me out there", and people can sense this and then you are, in layman's language, royally fucked.

Website

[peachi-blossom]

My thoughts on Hazbin Hotel as a non HH fan

Originally, I was just here to watch people criticizing Hazbin Hotel. But when the recent controversies came in, I feel like I have to step into the fandom rabbit hole.

As a non Hazbin Hotel fan, I've watched the pilot, read the prequel comics, watched the ADDICT music video, and finally the show itself. (I've watched the show on March 15th.)

NOTE: I didn't watch the show on TV so I watched it on a pirated website instead and read the transcript because no way am I watching this in front of my parents, my siblings, or Grandma. This is my personal opinion on the show.

Pilot: So Hell is basically Earth except it's painted red and inhabited by demons. The background has too much red, but not as bad that it makes my eyes bleed. I don't like how the female characters have the same color scheme except Vaggie and Niffty (pilot only). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, and Cherri Bomb. The only two funny parts of the pilot is when the top hat demon says "Wow! That was s***!" after Charlie sings Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow and when Angel pokes his head in as Vaggie is giving Alastor a warning. I didn't like the daddy joke. It just sounded bad. Also, why is there a joke about harlequin babies?

Prequel comics that are no longer canon: Basically the prequel comics focuses on Angel Dust and Alastor.

For Dirty Healings, it shows how Angel Dust first met Charlie and Vaggie. I knew that Vaggie's name was named after a uh, you know. Ugh… Why did Vivienne Medrano had to name her that? Also I hate Valentino.

As for A Day In The After Life, it just shows why Alastor is the most feared demon in Hell. Also he swears after seeing Vox.

ADDICT music video: I genuinely have no thoughts on this music video. I think this was just bait for the SA and CSA victims. Sorry for those who like the MV.

Episode 1: This is worse than the pilot. I did NOT like the beginning part. It's biblically inaccurate for multiple reasons, but I feel like a few people only talk about this one thing. Sin didn't exist until Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Not only that, but it's also misogynistic too because it was just Eve who ate it. What makes it misogynistic is that it implies that all women would have to bear the sins of Eve ALONE. There's rampant swearing and sex jokes. Also, isn't Archangel Michael supposed to be the leader of the Army of God? Anyways I'm siding with the angels.

Episode 2: The red is so bright that it hurts my eyes. It doesn't help the fact that Alastor blends in the background. Oh yeah, when Vox tells Sir Pentious to kill himself, it made me feel sad because it reminded me of the Shay incident. The time when the stans drove Shay to kill themself because they were uncomfortable with the large age gap of HuskerDust.

Episode 3: Why? Why is there a BDSM sex dungeon?! I know that was Angel's idea, but still. Why?! I seriously have no words. When Zestial says "What troubles thou?" I was like "Huh?". It should be "What troubles thee?". I think his Old English has grammatical errors. The Egg Boiz, Carmilla, and Zestial are bearable because they never said a swear word. Off topic, but Velvette's swirl streaks on her hair makes me think of a swirl ice cream.

Episode 4: Before the show came out, I saw SlayQueenArt's post on Twitter (X) that says Vivienne Medrano hired Raphielle II, aka R2ninjaturtle, who has a rape fetish and isn't a SA victim. As someone who is formerly addicted to porn, this episode is insulting on so many levels. I didn't watch the whole Poison sequence because of that. And don't get me started on Loser Baby. I hate this song so much. It felt like it is blaming on SA and CSA victims for being SA'd. Like it is blaming me for being addicted to porn on and off when I was EIGHT. I know there are some victims who like episode 4 so I will leave them alone. I seriously hate how Charlie behaves like a toddler at the end. No grown adult should behave like a toddler like she did because being raped isn't a silly thing to cry over. Like, hello? She is the supposed to be the main character. Oh yeah, there was NO warning for the episode when the show premiered and it triggered the victims who watched it. SA and CSA victims are not losers. Former porn addicts are not losers. Nobody is a loser. I am NOT a loser.

Episode 5: Wow, Vivienne Medrano really turned Lucifer into King George from Veggietales. I guess this is what happens when King George gave in into his obsession with rubber ducks. I didn't like Hell's Greatest Dad because of the unnecessary rivalry between Lucifer and Alastor, but at least Mimzy ended the song. Oh boy, this is where I hate Alastor now. No really, he is Vivienne Medrano's first edgelord oc. He has gone full edgelord and is basically a Bill Cipher wannabe now. His full demon form is not even scary compared to Bill's final form. He no longer stands out from the main cast even if he rarely swears. Mimzy is basically the embodiment of the hooked nose stereotype. Wow, the embodiment of a Jew stereotype. How racist.

Episode 6: That was an absolute slap in the face at SA and CSA victims and me when Sir Pentious got SA'd! Seriously, Vivienne Medrano doesn't even care for the victims at this point! What's worse is that he is based off of her old ex-friend, DollCreep. Why did she whitewashed St. Peter?! I know there are white Jews, but he was born in ancient Israel so I wouldn't think he'll be looking like a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes. How come angels don't know how souls get to Heaven?! We got the Ten Commandments! We got Jesus Christ who took our place to die for our sins so we wouldn't have to bear these sins! Emily and Sera are bearable because you know. I hate how Niffty is being treated like a child when she's NOT. What's worse is that Niffty is supposed to be Japanese because of how people INFANTILIZED Asian people, especially women.

Episode 7: My issue with Out for Love is that when Carmilla tells Vaggie that she should fight for love and not for vengeance. Well, Vaggie always fight for love and never for vengeance. In Whatever it Takes, she literally says that she'll always protect Charlie. Where is the vengeance in that? That is poor character writing. Rosie is basically the blood libel stereotype where the Jews are cannibals. Again, that's just racist against Jews.

Episode 8: I thought the finale was pointless because there were no stakes and Sir Pentious' heroic sacrifice was comically anti-climatic. Like, why did Sir Pentious's so called friends cared about him when they didn't help him at ALL in episode 6?! I'm not a fan of the CherriSnake ship because Cherri only becomes interested in him because he has two "joysticks". Not to mention he kissed her without consent and she thinks it's hot after that. The problem with More Than Anything (Reprise) is that Vaggie reassures Charlie that she changed many lives, but she only changed one. I'm so glad Adam defeated Alastor first. There is absolutely no way Lucifer slept with Eve. Oof for Lute and Adam. You both fought well until the end.

The character designs are awful. Every male character basically looks like The Once-ler from The Lorax 2012 movie except for Adam (I know Alastor doesn't have a top hat, but still gives off the vibes. Zestial is more Burtonesque.). Not to mention they are all skinny twigs except for Adam (I think). The female characters in Hell have the same color scheme except Vaggie (again). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, Mimzy (though her dress is a little darker), Cherri Bomb, and Niffty (show only). They have too much pinks, reds, yellows, whites, and blacks. I love pink, but this is too much. What's worse is that they blend in the background and again it hurts my eyes. There is NO color variety and I feel like my eyes are burning.

That's my thoughts on the show.

[therookerydatv]

This is a non-Veilguard post but it is a Solas post and a Varric post so buckle in.

Background: I joined a Veilguard Discord server because I'm insane, and we were discussing Cole and the whole choice to make him a Spirit or more Human, and it almost got into an argument but thankfully it figured quickly, but I was still thinking about it because something about it all rubbed me the wrong way. A lot of people lamented their choice in making Cole more Human or cheered that making Cole more Spirit was the correct choice because of Solas' own regrets and pains that came about from him gaining a mortal body.

Subjectively I have always chosen to make him more human, but I guess me choosing as a player is different from within the context of Inquisition. In DA:I every choice you make has consequences, sometimes trying to backpedal out of a choice once you're far enough in will result in you not getting your way because that's what it all is, Choices and Consequences. As much as the result of Cole's change is on you the player, it's really a Consequence of your favoring Varric or Solas' method.

Solas' entire view of Cole's predicament is colored by his own negative experience of having a body and living in the physical world, waking up to a physical world where the Veil was created just amplifies that regret in pain, every instance of him trying to help with his Wisdom becomes something worse to him personally (All that Wisdom and he can't help himself) but with Cole he actually can help! He can fix this, with not only Wisdom but experience! He's become a person, he doesn't like being a person(and then he does because of the Inquisitor, I feel this is true romance or friendship), so Solas knows that Cole can 'return'(made) more Spirit and the confliction will end.

Varrics positions, his view, I feel is colored by the people he couldn't help, the ones he couldn't help get their revenge or solve their problem in time in a way where no one could get hurt (Cole literally reminds him of Anders just in reverse) And this time, Varric knows better, he knows how to fix this, he knows how to not blow up the Chantry, he can fix it this time. (This time the love will be enough!!)

Objectively, both are answers, I don't think either of them are right, because it's one influence over the other, but a choice has to be made otherwise he'd become a demon.

Solas and Varric are having their idealogical battle(custody battle) over which direction Cole needs to go in to avoid binding or demonhood(which college to send him to). The added layer VG adds to this and every banter Solas and Varric have is also fascinating, because outwardly it's an Elf and a funny Dwarf fighting over the tall awkward Human child, but after VG??? After those regrets??? Girl...

But I feel that reducing that scene to Solavellan at times is... disingenuous, when really, it's a Solvarric scene of we're being objective.

This is THE custody battle of all time. (My weed kicked in bear with me)

Solas' version of his world doesn't exist anymore, the world with no Veil and spirits essentially pillaging the bodies of the Titans to gain bodies doesn't exist anymore, the first victims of what the Elvhen did calls him Chuckles, a demonym in true friendly jest to him, it's the first thing Varric calls him when he reaches out to talk to him at the beginning of Veilguard, up until that point he calls him Solas, the Dread Wolf, Fen'Harel.

Varric is a result of years of time happening to the version of the World Solas brought about. Its...it's like God is talking to a creation of his that has every right to hate him, to want to desire to go back before all the bad shit, and instead Varric says, okay, get the anger out, how do you feel now? Empty? That's okay too, take your time.

Solas is a weary traveler ready to end it all and Varric is the equally weary traveler who says, tell me about it, and then talks your ear off so much you start believing in the world again.

Basically, Varric's method is to embrace the history and the scars, embrace the hurt and once it's done, get something to eat. Varric forgives but doesn't forget, his plan has Cole let go of his anger in the end, but Cole will remember the hurt he felt, and inflicted and so will the people he inflicted them on.

[poppitron360]

I’d like to dive deeper into my thoughts on Caleo, bc they have been taking up most of my brainpower rn:

I get where Rick was going with it. I really do. They started off hating each other, Calypso thinking Leo was really annoying and just generally being like “why is this tiny human talking to me?”, but then they grew closer, realised they misunderstood each other, and bonded over common ground. It’s sweet. But the thing is, Rick? You’ve already got a character that did all that with Leo in the previous book!

And his name is Frank.

1. You’ve already set up that dynamic! Why not spend more time focusing on fleshing out that existing arc instead of creating a new one?

2. There’s SO MUCH more potential with angst- Frank being afraid of Leo bc of his fire, Leo being afraid of Frank because he’s twice his size and could easily crush his tiny body under his foot. Leo’s had to learn to survive on his brains and quick-wits in order to protect himself from bullies, and instantly gets defensive when he sees Frank. Frank is very insecure and sensitive, so immediately falls victim to Leo’s jokes. It takes a while for both of them to take those walls down, put aside their differences, and learn to trust each other.

3. It’s just hilarious how got-off-on-the-wrong-foot they were. A reminder that when Frank first met Leo, Leo had just destroyed half of New Rome. They both immediately judged each other completely based on looks- like it’s seriously funny how much you could compare these two to “Pride and Prejudice”. Also, the awkward misunderstanding that was the whole Sammy thing-

4. But they also have a lot more in common that Leo and Calypso ever did- similar trauma with losing their moms, and actually Leo is just as afraid of fire as Frank is. Both are incredibly insecure, and they both feel like they don’t belong among the other Seven.

5. You’ve also got that fun opposites-attract thing- Frank is big and muscular, Leo is built like a twig. Frank is big soft pookie bear, Leo is an absolute menace to society. Frank can turn into animals, Leo is a machines guy. Frank is Roman, Leo is Greek. You get the idea. They were written to juxtapose each other beautifully. They are the Yin to each other’s Yang.

6. They get so much more time together to establish a meaningful relationship. Their arc carries over three books, and we get to form connections as a reader to BOTH Leo AND Frank separately beforehand, so the payoff is a lot more satisfying. It takes time for them to open up to each other, and when they do it feels like they earned it. Calypso and Leo got a couple of chapters, that’s it.

It doesn’t have to be romantic! Leo can heal his trauma with friends and found family, learning to love and accept himself, learning that he doesn’t actually need the attention of a hot girl to be valid. He can find his place among his brethren with the help of all his friends, even Frank- the most unlikely of friends.

I wish Rick had put more effort into fleshing out the platonic relationships instead of just conforming to romance-centric ideals of “love fixes everything!” It’s lazy, and boring, and has been done to death. Platonic friendships make up 95% of our relationships, yet they are SERIOUSLY underrepresented in media. I’m calling for more interesting platonic dynamics. Leo and Frank could’ve been so much more, if Rick had actually taken the time to build on their relationship, and focused less on “Leo Needs a Girlfriend”!

So, when I say “Everything Caleo did, Valzhang could do better”- THAT is what I meant.

Also, Jason is so much better for Leo than Calypso, but that’s a whole other post.

[Edit: And I have made that post! You can find it here]

[grison-in-space]

I'm honestly very confused why people on Tumblr seem to think that abstaining from voting and allowing Trump to win is better for some instead of worse for everyone except billionaires. Like ok, the dude literally says that he's going to accelerate the ongoing genocide, repeal LGBTQ+ rights, and basically set the US under a dictatorship among other atrocities. How is voting for the average democrat not harm reduction in comparison. I'm just scrolling through the comments and replies on that post trying to wrap my head around it. People are acting like a revolution is the only way of achieving harm reduction and its like no, a revolution is the goal and in the meantime we still have to deal with the current presidential campaign because we literally have a month and unless you can overthrow the government in that time frame, Trump will win if users don't vote. I don't even think that they're bots or astroturfing or anything because I recognize a lot of usernames, I'm just trying to understand their perspective. A larger chance of less genocide over the course of four years is not better than no genocide, no, but it's better than a guarantee of more genocide. Especially when the other option is a tiny, minuscule chance of no genocide in the future (and given that we can still vote, Trump will make sure that Palestinians no longer exist at the end of his term).

I'm honestly just fucking done with seeking understanding right now. It's very funny, because the whining about shaming over not voting is actually making me a lot more inclined to lose respect for people who deliberately choose not to vote than just letting it go would be.

I get that the focus on voting leading up to (particularly presidential) elections can be obnoxious. I also get that it can be discouraging when your slate of realistic political candidates is...limited, to say the least, and when you are playing with one hell of a stacked deck. I spent eight years in Texas, okay? And I am also mildly irritated and impatient about the level of "heeeeeey, have you made a plan to vote yet?" stuff going around, because of fucking course I have, can we think about anything else for a second?

And yet.

Voting is a hassle and it's annoying and sometimes I have a hard time finding candidates I respect. And it's my fucking civic duty to show up and pick the best person available for the job anyway. Sometimes I cuss as I try to find the polling place. Sometimes I make a plan and sometimes I go "oh shit oh shit" and I scramble. I am a human person. I also think it is very important to focus on other things, too, which is why I do those when I am not focusing on voting.

But get out the vote efforts have to be pervasive and loud and hard to ignore. They're trying to reach the most flaky, mercurial, forgetful ADHD motherfuckers on the ground and get those folks to the polls on time. They're trying to reach people whose lives are exploding around them and get them to the polls, where their vote might let someone who actually wants to help do something about it. They're trying to change the system that exists in front of us using the most tractable levers currently existing on the ground.

So frankly? When the GOTV shit annoys me and I can't deal with it for a second? I remind myself it's not about me, and I go curl up with a book. If it's not about me, it's not about me. I always make a voting plan, I find my station and I usually go early on a time when I have some space to wait, and I thank my poll workers and smile at them and then I feel good about myself for twenty minutes before I go about the rest of my day. So I can say that to the GOTV people and they go away and find someone else to hassle. It's fine! It's fine. The world doesn't have to be about me.

I feel like that is not that goddamn hard to do, but you'd never know it from the way some people complain.

[pixiecactus]

I never thought that the Stark bloodline could continue through Arya, and that this is one of the reasons why she has the classic look of them. I feel so fucking silly cuz she looks like Lyanna who is associated with the winter rose/stark maiden (Jon is also represented by the winter/blue rose, since he is Lyanna's son so could also be the one who continues the lineage) and they all bloomed in the winter, just like Arya will do too in future About the next generation, well, it's not really a big deal, just some funny speculation. And yeah, the Baratheon genes really are dominant. I checked multiple cases and the male line is usually stronger. Rhaenys is one of the rare cases, actually the only case, but she comes from a Valyrian bloodline as well. Her grandmother was a Velaryon. And her father, a Targaryen. In other words, it takes generations to be ~diluted~. The seed is really strong with the baratheons lmao It seems there are some rules. When Targaryen men marry other women, their first child often looks like their mother. Lyanna had lived long enough to give birth to a second child, the boy or girl would look like Rhaegar. And considering that all the dark haired targs never get to the throne like Baelor and others. I think it's a pattern for each house to have a specific appearance, and that seems to be extra important in some way in terms of succession and who will continue the line. Since these appearances magically prevail for decades or hundreds of years

it's been exactly a month since this ask was sent; sorry!!

i've to admit that when i was reading the books the first time around, i didn't notice it either; my first exposure to that idea was due to a stansa's post, i don't remember how it went at all, so take this with a big grain of salt, but what i got after reading the whole thing was something like: "so you're making the case that people saying something about the conservation of the stark's looks and how is important in arya and jon's plots equates to them being racist to ginger people (?)"

the part you wrote about how winter roses bloom in the winter and arya will do the same in the future was so nicely put; those were some bars!!

the thing with arya is that she's the sociable one of the starks, (unpopular opinion coming up: but i honestly think that family had one extrovert, who is arya, one ambivert, who is bran and the rest of them are mostly introverts; well rickon is still a mystery to me so i'm going to ignore his existence just like the books do) arya is the one that seeks connection with other people to make her own pack, and don't get me started about how she is the motherly one of the two stark daughters; she cares greatly about other people and she has a lot of fertility symbolism all around, dany is the one with the most motherly imagery but arya comes in a close second place.

i do think that grrm's original plan was to have arya and jon together restore the stark line, with the added plus that these future starks will also have the recognizable stark look to them. which, if you think about it, really sounds like catelyn stark's worst nightmare coming to realization, with the child she hated, her husband's bastard, becoming the heir and married to her least favourite child...

(okay, time to cover up my bases... catelyn loves arya, i do believe that, she loved all of her children, and i believe she's a great character, but as a mother, catelyn really did the poorest job in showing arya that she loved her unconditionally... and maybe i'm not as forgiving as other people with her because catelyn stark reminds me so much of my parental figures and i did have a lot of the same problems that arya had with her mother with them... also i've a bone to pick with catelyn because she seemed to be "weird" i really don't know how else to put it, about the fact that jon looked like ned but her children did not, and that makes me go... excuse me, arya is right there!!)

coming back into future gendrya speculation, i want to say that the shipper in me obviously wants to point out that we've never seen a stark and someone with baratheon genes union before, so even with the beforehand knowledge that "the seed is indeed strong" maybe the stark genes are stronger... but yeah, i admit that sounds as if i've gone overboard with the copium and really dumb as fuck, because it seems like a plothole waiting to happen.

also it's really interesting the part that you wrote about how dark-haired targaryens never get the throne and how that's going to play out in the future, but... i've to admit as well that with jon dying and then coming back to life, because let's be honest, that boy was never going to stay dead for long, i can't see jon being the one who continues the stark line; i can't see death bringing life again, no matter how poetic it sounds, but maybe that's just a skill issue on my part.

so if the stark look has to be preserved and continue down onto future generations, i think that arya is the obvious option, for me at least.

what is funny is that before i got the last ask about this, i was thinking really hard about what's going to be the thing that breaks up gendrya if they happen in the books, because i see them as a first love kind of deal that's not meant to last, and of course the most popular conclusion is that gendry probably will die, because he's a minor character against arya, who is one of the key five, but i don't want that, because i love my boy as well, and i want to see him live better times.

but yeah, thank you for your ask and for your patience as well!!

[bloogers-boogers]

Forbidden Power AU. This AU focuses on Michael, it's the end of all Creation, all thanks to Lucifer's Spawn. Michael's final attempt to fix everything is to Disturb their father Only To Discover that his father is dead and has been dead for what looks like years there is still hope his father may be dead but his Authority can still be used... All angels authorities are held in Halos and God is no exception... Michael has a halo So he can go back and fix everything... The issue is the darkness in his heart, his Desire for the First man... Originally he was going to leave Almost everything unchanged...but this is an Opportunity he never did get or never should have had...can he stay on the noble path...ya No Michael has bin the good boy all his Existence and he will continue to be the good boy But he will be so when it comes to Adam and make Adam Exactly how he wants him to be

Hopefully this ask is for me and not mistaken for another blog shsiwbdjiwe do not get me wrong I love the guitarhero ship but I haven't posted anything about them aside from the drawing I made for @/ironbatpaperturtle (and my adamsapple fic) so I have a feeling that maybe this ask wasn't for me 😭

I should tho... like write more of them cause ngl I really like them together but my whole view on those two is far different than @/ironbatpaperturtle's Michael and Adam ahdjendiw

BUT if this anon is for me then I appreciate you for sharing me your au whdjwkdjdwoek 💖 now, with all that said let me proceed on actually answering you.

Omygod. Okay first, I think the God being dead for the longest period is such an interesting concept I read something similar like this before in a fic (adamsapple) called 'the devil you know /by anglotron' so I like it, kinda explains why angels would be put in so much work (do drastic choices) if God isn't there to guide them and solve things for them or just get involved but I also love the concept of him not giving a f*ck shjsiahdwiwbs after Lucifer's fall/betrayal he was just left hopeless for anything; his most "perfect creation" (Adam) corrupted by evil and then his most "perfect angel" turned out to have been the one to bring said corruption. (he may still care for Michael and Jesus tho but like it's hard for him to care about the rest) and letting all his children figure it out themselves (poor Sera), like, I can picture him just as depressed like Lucifer in the show issisofksos but unlike him who copes with making ducks, God just lays in the couch mopping about how disappointed in humanity he is and how "perfect" everything was before he planted the damn apple on earth, while he bosses Michael and maybe Metatron too (tho with him he's a lot more harsher bc he was previously human and he's kinda just bitter about them in general, but he's proven his worth enough) around to bring him shit like ice cream or junk food (tho he could easily just summoned all those things he subconsciously just wants company and Michael is there to bring it to him the only angel that has not yet disappointed/maintain loyal to him). So yeah.

Anyways — I still like the concept of God actually being dead. Like when you say Michael has a halo do you meant like he holds on to God's halo? Cause that's kinda cool af, imagine him just holding on to the halo of God (maybe even pitifully hopeful their father would return 'saving it for him') so he just has the halo on him and everyone just "oh shit this motherfucker really could just end it all if he wanted to" but Michael just doesn't cause 'with great power holds big responsibility' type of mentality and I think it'd be funny if Lucifer confronts heaven and is in a determined search for Michael to provoke him and remind him he's still the most perfect of all God's creation (mosty just salty as hell bc Michael cast him to hell lmao) and then when he finds Michael he like comes up with a taunting comment about how bad heaven turned out to be Yada Yada that neither realm is perfect or better than the other, and BAM suddenly his eyes drifted to Michael's head and recognizes the halo.

"Is that—...!"

"Yeah," Michael simply states defeated in his chair, unfazed by his brother arrival, from all the chaos going on, his people being murder, just, done, "father's gone, Lucifer."

So they just stare at eochother in silence, Lucifer with a stunned almost hurt expression and Michael with a nonchalant one. After the realization hitting him like a truck Lucifer realizes there was no end to the chaos released to all realms after Charlie unintentionally brought it to them if God wasn't there to fix it all...

Fear overwhelming him now cause he was kinda chilled out about the whole thing knowingly God would have to intervene soon because heaven was also being attacked by evil- but now realizing he's dead, it like hits him hard, mostly worried for his daughter's fate more than anything else.

Then, another thing hits him, "wait! What aren't you doing anything?! You can fix this, Michael! You have father's power, we can-"

Michael lifts his hand to signal him to stop, "I'm not planning to do anything."

"WHAT?!! Do you realize your people are also being attacked!"

"Your daughter brought this among ourselves, now, she must find her way to solve it."

"But she won't be-"

"Silence. If she was able to bring it to us then she's more than capable of putting it back. If not, that's no longer my problem"

"YOU-!"

"No, Lucifer," he stands up, the power of God emitting through his aura, the millions of eyes on him, big six graceful wings extended to show their full on glory, eyes bright like the intensity of a star. His voice was much more deeper and cold, distant, detached, "I lost everything because of your silly dream of free will, and now redemption. Look at where it lead us, prove me wrong this time, if it doesn't succeed then it was meant to be that way. Accept your fate.

I would create something new, something different. Something that won't betray its kind. No longer you existing. It will be perfect."

Lucifer felt so tiny now. That was no longer the brother he once knew. Not the caring, gentle, protective fiercely warrior that he once was.

Only filled with rage, grief and pain.

Michael... is dead too.

But anyways with all that, somehow lets say both Charlie and Lucifer mange to remind Michael of his love for the countless souls left at his hands to care and protect. And I dunno maybe a song too ahdhdiqgsjahsia and what gets the cake is Michael seeing Adam alive, behind the two, who somewhat stumble across their intervention in a 'bad timing'.

"Hey bitch you forgot your tampon— oh shit! Wrong room," Adam (now sinner) appears at the door oblivious of the whole deal.

"Adam!" Charlie shouted annoyed as they were already, almost, having a heartfelt moment between her father and Michael.

Michael eyes watered, "ADAM!" He pushes past Charlie and Lucifer who are now just confused as fuck seeing how Michael (filled with new growing hope) crushes Adam in a big hug with all the intensity of his power and somehow it was till so gentle and careful that it didn't kill Adam.

And the first man just there struggling to get loose while also suffocating.

Idk I just like Michael still having to be the hero even in circumstances where he doesn't want to. So the universe just grants him a purpose for he to keep following up God's title for him. If he wasn't gonna do shit because he lost Adam? Then BAM! Sinner Adam is now a thing so keep your ass moving Michael!

Michael now wants to fix things up to keep Adam safe; his new purpose (reason) on protecting heaven, his people and the countless souls God left him in charge with.

[hplonesomeart]

Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3

…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol

BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!

I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.

Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)

Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!

I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)

[babymorocco]

blood all over my supras

When I got cut and my hand was bleeding out all over the stage in New York, and my set was cut short, I realized I was just this character I had invented. When I started bleeding, it reminded me of who I am inside. Like, I could see my insides physically bleeding out. Someone gave me a dirty flannel. Another person said I should use body glue. I don’t think anyone really gave a shit, to be honest.

When we got to the hospital and I was waiting for stitches, the nurse told me if it had been two inches deeper, the cut would have hit an artery, and I could have possibly died. I laughed it off and, in that instant, thought it was funny. When I was released from the hospital, I had no money in my bank account, blood all over my Supra shoes and jeans, wandering around Brooklyn soaked in blood. I hated myself. I hated how this stupid fucking Babymorocco character had ruined my life, and that if I had died because I was being him—performing on a sad little table that barely held me up—it would have really ruined my life.

I don’t really care if anyone reads this. I don’t even know if I’m okay anymore. I don’t feel like myself, but then I really don’t know what myself feels like anyway, so I don’t even know.

I’m so far away from who I was, or am.

In music, you’re so absolutely there, especially as a solo act. I am the sole version of Babymorocco; I can’t change him out and replace him while still keeping an original member. Even writing this post is so full of "I, I, I. Me, me, me." I can’t stand it anymore.

And it seems like a lot of people—or maybe most people, I don’t know how many—can’t take it either. They always tell you it’s a good thing, that even negative attention is good. I get that if I’d said or done anything that warranted it, but I seem to make people angry just by existing, without even doing anything vaguely offensive. I’ve been generally inoffensive all my life. But maybe that’s the problem.

In my life, I’ve tried to chase happiness, to choose what would make me happiest, but those choices have somehow led me to this dire consequence, where I am right now.

I feel so deeply unhappy—not to make it some cliché 14-year-old gay boy reading Sylvia Plath, but I feel like there’s a bell jar over me, or something holding me down. It’s like the imposter syndrome is proven right. I feel like such an imposter everywhere I go. I’m always reminded to stay humble while people walk all over me. People who are supposed to be my peers openly disrespect me, and it does hurt. All I’ve ever wanted was to create a space where people can have fun, be fun, do fun shit.

When I can, I’ll give this all up. I don’t want it anymore.

This is such a long post. Me, me, me.

It helps me to write, but I don’t know if I want this anymore. Truly. My head is in two places.

I’m happy to do my next record because I love it. I’ve spent so much time on it, and I want it out. But I don’t know about after that.

[heian-era-housewife]

Going North

This is not a fic. But it is a story. My story. Or at least, part of it.

When I started this blog I wanted to maintain as much anonymity as possible. Six months in and here I find myself publicly journaling my most guarded secrets. Funny how things change.

Warnings: ⚠️⚠️⚠️ Please proceed with caution. I have done my best to put the appropriate tw/cw tags in place, but be aware this post mentions nonconsensual sex, SA, suicide, mental health, mental illness, grief, and loss.

I'm writing to you from the depths of a very severe depressive episode and hoping that, in doing so, I may start to find my way out.

So...where do I begin?

For those who don't know I am, regrettably, American. This election has affected me more profoundly than I could ever have imagined.

I recently discovered that my entire family, including my parents- who have always been my best friends, voted for the man who represents everything I reject. Everything I despise.

This comes during a time I find myself exploring and redefining my gender identity. During a time where the healthcare system has repeatedly failed me in treatment and diagnosis of a reproductive condition. During a time when I am learning that ectopic pregnancy is a potentially fatal reality for me. While living in a state where abortion and life-saving reproductive care have been made illegal.

I was 13 the first time I was raped. With 8 months of continuous and repeated rape and sexual assault to follow. The only person I told was my family doctor. A Christian. Who told me sexual activity was an act against God. I never spoke of it again.

Not until I was 18 and had my first "real boyfriend". In explaining why I wanted to wait to be intimate, I told him my story, unaware he would weaponize it. Once again I found myself an unwilling participant in an act called "love". Only this time it was years, not months. The day I escaped I was punched in the face and thrown down the stairs. I still have a scar on my leg from fleeing my boyfriend assailant.

I ran to the safest person I knew. A friend from high school. A kind and gentle person. Someone who, in time, would show me that love and intimacy can exist in a non-toxic capacity. And though our eventual relationship would come to end in mutual respect as he came to explore his own sexuality and gender identity, I still credit him with playing a role in saving me.

Unfortunately, I was unable to return the favor when, just two months ago, he took his own life on the eve of his 30th birthday. I can't say for certain why he chose to end his journey, but I can only imagine that his race as a POC and sexuality were attributing factors as we stare down a future of continued systemic hate and bigotry.

In some ways, I still consider myself lucky. I never became pregnant. I never lost hope in finding love. I am married to a wonderful man who supports my every endeavor. His kindness is unrivaled, and his empathy knows no bounds. He meets me in my darkest places. He reminds me why I must continue to fight- to live. Even on the days I no longer want to...

And now, with the recent election, and the terrifying days ahead, I can't help but feel sometimes that it really is me and him against the world.

My family has chosen to stand behind a man who promised to lower the price of eggs, while creating a country wherein my life and those of countless other are at risk. Where it seems our validity as human beings is in question.

I am not even sure how I am supposed to continue a normal job, when every waking moment I am revisited by the traumas of my past with people shouting "Your body, my choice". Or fearing that another friend may take their life in the wake of the hatred that is blooming here.

I miss my parents. I used to call them every day. Now I am unsure how to even speak with them.

I am unsure of a lot of things.

In large part thanks to friends I have made here, I have begun the process of seeking further psychological support and evaluation.

Moving forward, I also plan to put more time and energy into my art. I am currently seeking ways to support myself financially in a work-from-home capacity as my deteriorating mental health is making working a regular job nearly impossible at the moment.

I'd like to remain active on this blog and continue building friendships over the love of JJK- something that, as silly as it is, brings me so much joy.

I hope that, if you've read this far, you'll continue this journey with me. And if you have read this far, thank you so much for being part of my life, sharing in my memories, my grief, my struggles. Thank you for listening to this story. Hopefully the next few I post will be more cheerful, and fictional, of course.

Thank you also to my international friends who have shown so much incredible love and support. You have no idea how much it means to be extended a friendly hand in a time where the world is justifiably furious with and untrusting of Americans.

I want to fight for a brighter future. I want to see what happens if we don't give up. I am determined to find peace and to one day look back on this post and be glad I chose to go North.

With love and gratitude,

Yuri 🩷