#it just fit so well with kravitz and lup

[cataztrophi]

TAZ November Celebration 13: Sick

The card I drew for this @taznovembercelebration entry was "sick," so you know what that means! It's time for more soft taakitz! Another incredibly self-indulgent one that was loosely inspired by me starting off this month horrifically sick and now being very grateful I can breathe again. Discussion of sickness in this one, naturally, but just inconvenient cold/upper respiratory infection stuff, nothing too serious.

“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone,” Taako declared, flopping back against his pillows. Lup crossed her arms and looked down at him with limited sympathy, which was extremely cruel of her if you asked him.

“You have a cold, Taako,” she said.

Taako sniffled, desperately trying and failing to clear at least one nostril. “It’s not just a cold, Lulu. It’s the worst cold I’ve ever had in my life, and it just had to happen when I have a first date planned.”

She rolled her eyes. “Kravitz isn’t going to evaporate just because you have to reschedule. Just text him and tell him you’re sick.”

“I already did,” Taako huffed. “He hasn’t responded yet.” 

“Maybe the library’s busy today.”

“He has the day off.” 

She threw her hands up. “Then I don’t know what to tell you, bud. Maybe just be patient a little.” 

Taako moaned. “You have no idea how hard it was to find a night that worked for both of us. And the maintenance meter is running, Lulu!”

“The… what?”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, that's right. I forgot you've been dating the most devoted guy in the universe for three years. Let me remind you what it's like for us singletons.” He pushed himself back up to a sitting position to better make his point. “Whenever you're trying to set up a first date, or fuck, a second or third, there's a limit to how inconvenient you can be, or how weird, or how… much… before the guy decides to fuck off and ghost you. That's the maintenance meter, and by my count I'm already at a disadvantage because he caught me eating gogurt in the stacks that one time.”

Lup was looking at him like he had three heads. “I think maybe you just have shitty taste in men.”

“Well, when life gives you lemons,” he sighed, then fell into another coughing fit.

Lup sat down on the edge of his bed and rested her chin in her hand. “What about Kravitz? Do you think he’s another lemon?”

“No,” he said miserably. “I think he’s perfect. But that doesn't matter if he thinks I'm too much work to bother with."

She patted his leg sympathetically. “If he's as perfect as you think he'll know you're worth the work.”

Taako’s throat felt too tight all of a sudden, and not just from coughing all morning. “Thanks.”

“Any time, bud.” She pushed herself up off the bed. “I'm gonna go check on the soup. Yell if you need me.”

She headed to the kitchen, leaving Taako to burrow deeper into his blanket nest. He was half-dozing when their doorbell rang, startling him back to consciousness. He heard Lup answer the door, then a brief conversation he couldn't make out. A moment later she appeared in his doorway. 

“Taako? You awake?”

He groaned in response, eager to get back to his nap.

“Kravitz is here.”

His eyes flew open. He struggled his way out of his tangle of blankets and into an upright position. 

“What?” he exclaimed. 

“Kravitz is here. Should I show him in?”

Taako recoiled at the thought. “Absolutely not! Look at me, Lulu! I'm at maintenance meter defcon one right now!”

Lup just rolled her eyes. “I'll show him in.”

Taako frantically tried to smooth down the worst of his bed head and straighten out his pajamas. There was a quiet knock on his door frame, and he looked up to see Kravitz standing there, a sympathetic smile on his face. He looked incredible, of course. Even on his day off he was wearing a three-piece suit, plus a tie with a subtle raven motif.

“Hi,” he said, taking a few steps into the room. “Sorry to barge in on your sick day.”

Taako laughed. “Sorry I look like such a fucking mess.”

“No!” He denied, gallantly. “You look fine! A little stuffed up, maybe-”

“I can think of something else I'd like stu-” Another fit of wet coughing overtook him, and he collapsed back onto the bed. “Fuck, forget it. I'm too sick to flirt right now.”

Kravitz's eyes were soft and kind as he looked at him. “Well, I was hoping I could help with that.” He held up a large canvas bag before depositing it on Taako’s bed. 

“Let’s see….” He began rummaging through it, pausing occasionally to hold something up. “We've got DayQuil and NyQuil, depending on whether or not you want to be conscious for the next twelve hours. Some peppermint tea, to clear your nose and settle your stomach, if you need it, and some cough drops. I didn't know what kind of Gatorade you liked, so I got you orange, red, and blue, and hopefully one of those is good. And I knew Lup was probably taking care of food better than I possibly could, but I did bring you some saltines just in case. And….” He reached into the bag and pulled something out with a final flourish. “A friend to keep you company.”

It was a tiny stuffed plague doctor, which Kravitz set down gently on Taako’s bedside table. Taako stared at him, half-convinced he was looking at some sort of Kravitz-shaped fever dream.

“Krav, you didn't-” he croaked. “You didn't have to do all this.”

Kravitz shrugged. “It was just a quick trip to the store. Besides, I wanted to.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind Taako’s ear and Taako was seized by a sudden desire to pounce on him, upper respiratory infection be damned. “You've got to get better soon so we can reschedule that date.” A slight shade of doubt passed over Kravitz’s face. “If you still want to, of course.”

Taako feigned a grimace. “Ooh, well, this is awkward, but I actually met an even hotter goth librarian while I was lying here hacking up a lung, so….” 

Kravitz laughed, rich and genuine. Taako grinned up at him. As his laughter subsided, Kravitz gently took hold of Taako’s chin with a thumb and forefinger. He stooped slightly and Taako closed his eyes, turning his face up towards him, trying not to give away just how much it made his chest ache to have Kravitz here, all lovely and warm and seemingly unphased by his transformation into some sort of snot monster. Kravitz pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, then stepped back towards the door.

“Get some rest, Taako. I'll see you soon.”

Taako heard him say a quiet goodbye to Lup before he left the apartment. A moment later Lup was leaning against the doorframe with a smug grin on her face.

“So, did he just completely disprove your whole depressing ‘maintenance meter’ theory?”

Taako picked up the tiny plague doctor, still in a bit of a daze. “He could be the exception that proves the rule,” he replied absently.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I like him.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He snuggled back down into the blankets, his new plague-friend clutched close to his chest.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Scamming me, scamming you: chapter 3

Sometimes you just make your sister and her definitely-not-boyfriend lunch and drop it by to them at work for absolutely no reason. Thank goodness there won’t be any further confusion.

Read on A03 or below. Ch 1 | Ch 2

Taako had texted Lup mid-morning to ask if she and Barry were going to be free for lunch. It made more sense than stopping by without any warning at all. As much as he wanted to surprise them, she and Barry often ended up diving off to obscure archives or locked in the labs observing contamination protocols. Taako refused to waste time cooking if they weren’t going to appreciate his genius.

The email from Krav had been a surprise. Not an unwelcome one, but just uncharacteristically forward. But then, it had been a few months now (on top of a year of pining), and, well, Taako had initially propositioned him (look, Krav looked really good in that suit, no jury could convict), so it wasn’t actually that forward when he thought about it. Fuck it, why not? He could message back again with suggestions, but as he was stopping by it might be a nice surprise to just make plans in person. Krav said he liked surprises, and today’s lunch would be Taako’s treat. Krav could arrange the next meal… and anything that came afterwards.

Three quick changes and a long hard stare in the mirror later, Taako grabbed the wicker basket and walked towards the University. Thankfully Lup had won the debate over which twin’s workplace to get the apartment closest to. They both knew it should be hers, but Taako had to at least pretend he thought he was long term at Fantasy Costco. He finally found a kitchen job which fit around school three weeks after they moved in. He’d graduated and worked four other jobs since then. Lup had just steadily worked her way up the chain at the university, she was even still based in the same building.

The campus was almost empty - the students were on break so the tree lined paths were mercifully peaceful. Taako couldn’t help but bounce slightly as he walked - he was finally getting that date with Kravitz, just under a year late, but still! His previous attempts at dating had been a nightmare because everyone just wanted a quick hook up. That had been fine, but he was sick of being appraised by strangers and getting to know new hands and new faces. He wanted someone to cook for and watch terrible films with, someone to send bad puns to without his friends working out he liked their nerdy humour.

Taako knew the route to Lup and Barry’s office easily. They’d put forward a compelling case for sharing after Lup’s first promotion, and the administration decided it wasn’t worth arguing. A slight misunderstanding (actual understanding?) of their relationship had led to the ‘Bluejeans-Taaco’ sign on the door and Taako grinned every time he saw it. Lup had initially alternated between complaining about it and refusing to get it removed whenever Taako mentioned that was an option. Barry had merely said it was “quite nice to see their names together like that actually… in a friendly way, you know?”

“Prepare your butts, chaboy’s in the house and he catered!” Taako knocked on the door and swung it open dramatically, posing with the basket of food.

“Prepare my butt? There’s dairy then?” Barry asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I would never!” Taako pretended to be offended. “How could I do something so cruel, so heinous, to you Barold? I know how careful you are about not ingesting cow juice.” Barry had the good grace to look mildly ashamed about his inability to resist cheese.

Taako glanced around the office as he walked in, just casually, in case anyone else may have been there for a meeting or something. He wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, obviously.

“He’s in his office, Ko.” Lup said, clocking his glances.

“I don’t know to whom you’re referring, actually. Just making sure that I wasn’t rudely ignoring anyone who may also have happened to be here. I was being polite.” Taako focused very hard on unpacking the basket onto the wide desk and not looking at Lup, he didn’t want to see her stupid smug smile. They were absolutely not going to talk about this and he wasn’t going to admit that ‘bumping’ into Krav was a big part of why he came in.

“Looks like you’ve made an awful lot there, bud.” Barry, the traitor, said. Taako was trying to work out exactly how to threaten him into shutting right the fuck up, when Lup jumped up.

“Oh, I just remembered that I left something in Kravitz’s office when I was speaking to him earlier. I’d better go get it. Shall I tell him there’s extra food if he’d like any?” Lup smiled, face infuriatingly passive.

“I could go get it!” Taako replied before he could stop himself.

“Really, brother mine? You’d be so kind, so generous, as to go and get my pen from the hot boy? You’re selfless!” Lup was smirking now. So okay, she knew exactly what was going on because she could read him like a book, and yes she was completely right, but there was no way Taako was admitting it. He didn’t need to be called out like this.

“Well it’s your lunch break, so you’re supposed to be actually having a break. Plus, what if he has allergies? You might get him all the way over here and then it turns out he can’t have nuts and your colleague is dead because you didn’t know what to tell him if he asked if it was safe.” Taako shrugged his shoulders as if that was a completely reasonable justification… because it was, obviously.

“Uh huh.” Lup replied, suspiciously. “So I could go get my own pen but also tell him to check with you before he eats anything if he wants some of the food, and that would also save his life?”

“I thought you were all about efficiency!” Taako was indignant now. It wasn’t that bad a lie. He was being responsible! Allergies were important, no matter how fast and loose Barry played it with his.

“Which pen is it I’m missing?” Lup asked.

“I assumed I’d just ask Krav for your pen. Surely he’ll know which one isn’t his?” There, logic.

“It’s a… company issue pen. They might look the same.” Lup fumbled the landing on that one, and Taako smelled blood.

“There isn’t a pen!” Taako accused. “You just wanted to go get Kravitz and make him come here!”

“Well you don’t actually want to get my pen, you’re only here to see him!” Lup accused right back. “I’m doing you a favour!”

Their bickering was interrupted by a knock on the door. Both twins snapped round, and Barry let out a giggle… Taako made a mental note to ‘accidentally’ shove him into Lup some time and see how red he got.

“Hello? Lup? Barry?” Kravitz pushed the door open tentatively.

Taako quickly perched himself on the desk, making sure to elongate his body in the most alluring but-definitely-completely-casual way possible.

“Hey Kravitz!” Barry said happily, massive smile plastered across his face. “You’ve shown up at just the right time, look at this spread!” Barry gestured expansively to the food on the desk, and ended by indicating Taako himself.

Kravitz froze.

Taako grinned.

Kravitz stayed frozen.

Okay, he looked good, he knew he looked good, and lunch was nice, but this was overkill.

“You okay, my guy?” Taako asked.

Kravitz opened his mouth a few times, then looked at his feet. “Yep!” He managed.

Huh. Surely a conversation shouldn’t be this difficult. They’d been emailing for months! Kravitz had asked him out! Although, maybe the first meeting after that featuring his sister and Barry wasn’t ideal? Yeah, that was probably it. Krav was just embarrassed to show too much emotion in front of his colleagues. The man was a professional. It was okay, Taako could fix this.

“Lup lost her pen!” Taako announced loudly.

Kravitz looked at him like he might be broken. “I.. I’m sorry?”

“Lup lost her pen, in your office. I was going to go and get it for her.” Perfect, perfectly normal. Taako couldn’t work out why Kravitz was still looking concerned. This was a flawless plan, they could go get the pen together, have a nice private chat, maybe get a few smooches in with Taako perched on Krav’s desk, and then set their date up. Not necessarily in that order, he was flexible.

“You know what, it’s a very important pen…” Lup said, getting up. “...and Barry and I are going to go get it, aren’t we Barry?” Lup said pointedly, and tugged a reluctant looking Barry to his feet. It looked for a second like he might try and fight her, but then shrugged and allowed himself to be towed out of the door, staring longingly at Lup’s hand on his arm.

There was an awkward silence.

“So… Hi!” Said Taako.

Kravitz looked terrified. Taako glanced down, was something wrong with him? Had he stepped in something on the way here?

“Surprise! I brought food.” Taako powered on. This wasn’t going quite the way he anticipated.

“I… wow. There’s… this looks lovely.” Kravitz stopped staring at Taako as if he might bite him and looked down at the food instead.

Okay, Taako could talk about food, Taako could talk about food for days. He explained each dish to Krav, told him what paired well (all of it, because Taako’s cheffing skills were impeccable), and then deposited a plate into his hands. “There you go, Stud. Have at it.”

Krav looked like he might be sick. This was not the usual reaction to his cooking, joy, yes. People ignoring him to dive on in? Absolutely. This haunted look of shock? Not so much. Kravitz looked down at the spread in front of him, back at Taako, and took a deep breath. “Taako, I… I’m so sorry about what happened at the Candlenights party. I just didn’t realise, I thought you were Lup and I really like Barry and I thought that it was some plot to make him jealous so he finally told her he liked her, but it didn’t make sense because they both knew I was gay. I was so confused, and I didn’t meant to shout at you I just didn’t want to get caught up in anything weird.” He spilled everything out in a rush.

This was sweet, Taako decided. Krav wanted to make sure the air was clear before they went out formally, and, to be fair, they hadn’t talked about the Candlenights party in their emails. Taako had assumed they’d just mutually agreed to pretend it didn’t happen - Krav had apologised to Lup for yelling at Taako, she had apologised to Kravitz for forgetting to mention Taako existed. Taako maintained that he was blameless because Krav was supremely hot.

“Hey, Kemosabe, we’re good! You could have just said something if this was eating at you. You already made good with Lup and I plead not guilty on account of how good your ass looked in that suit.” Taako winked, smiled his most dazzling smile, and hoped that maybe this could segue them into dinner plans ‘I’ll reintroduce you to me in that suit if you’re free Friday?’ or something. Instead, Kravitz’s eyes widened in panic and he stared intently down at the table in front of him again.

“Noodles are nice!” Kravitz said suddenly. Grabbing a fork and ineffectually trying to scoop some onto his plate.

“Do, er, do you want a hand there, Krav?” Asked Taako, bemused. Was this because he was nervous? It made sense, Taako was A Lot, and he knew today that he was visually A Lot as well. Perhaps Krav was just overwhelmed? How often did someone who looked this good bring him a spread like this to work? Taako wagered never. That was the kind of thing that could easily throw a guy off kilter, especially if he wasn’t used to being spoiled.

Kravitz looked even more startled and dropped the fork. “Taako, why did you call me that?” Kravitz asked, a slight edge of concern to his voice.

He must be on edge - calling him his name was an issue now? Did he just hate the nickname and never knew how to bring it up? “It’s a really obvious nickname, my guy. Krav-itz.” Taako moved his hand in a circular motion, waiting for him to get it. “Krav… itz.” He finished lamely. “Surely everyone calls you that? You can’t tell me everyone is using all of the syllables all of the time?” Taako tried not to let any irritation into his voice, but this was peculiar behaviour. "If you don't like it I can stop?"

“No... it's. Most people use Kravitz. I'm not the kind of guy people give nicknames to.” Kravitz said, staring very intently at the desk. Taako felt his heart soften again. Krav had been fairly candid in the emails and he knew that sometimes social interaction wasn't the easiest for him. He reached out his hand with the intention of laying it on Krav's shoulder to reassure him. Before he could, Kravitz snapped his eyes to the door. “I, I just remembered I saw Lup’s pen, I’m going to help them find it!”

“Wait!” Taako said quickly, he didn’t want Krav to leave it like this. Something weird had happened and he had no idea what. “At least take some noodles. Here.” Taako began scooping them. If Krav at least tasted the food he’d have to come back and compliment Taako on it later? Why was this so weird? Fuck. Did they only work via email? This was the second time they’d met in person and yeah, okay, Kravitz hadn’t yelled at him about HR yet, but he was still being really weird.

As Taako worked, Kravitz alternated between sneaking not-so-subtle glances at Taako and eying the door longingly. He obediently held out his hand when Taako offered the food. Taako couldn’t pass up the chance to brush his fingers against Krav’s as he handed it over and gave him another wink. “Thank you, Taako.” Kravitz said stiffly. Then he looked down at the plate, at Taako’s hand still resting against his, and softened. “I really appreciate it, this looks so good.” He added, sounding more sincere, face melting into a slight smile. That was more like it, and Taako hoped for a moment that this might mean he was going to stay, or at least ask him out properly. There was definitely something sparking between them, Taako could just lean forward and…

Kravitz pulled away. “Anyway, I… uh. I’m… pen!” Kravitz turned abruptly and walked to the door, glancing back longingly before he closed the door behind him.

At least, Taako though, he got another good look at Krav's ass as he left to go and help Lup and Barry look for the imaginary pen. Taako shrugged, grabbed a plate, snagged Lup’s desk chair, and kicked his feet up. May as well eat in comfort if no one was going to keep him company. Academics were nightmare people.

[fuckin-georg]

Kravitz Went Down to Fantasy Georgia

It was scorching hot in Fantasy Georgia when the stranger came. A quiet, sweltering August day. The kind that discourages any sort of movement whatsoever. Most of the residents of Fantasy Georgia had taken to sitting on their doorsteps, casting cold spells as much as their spell slots would allow. The non-magic users of the town quickly sidled up to the magic users, aiding with fans and anything cold they could find. Business owners had their doors opened, and a drow woman, the owner of the local bar, brought out fresh lemonade to anyone who wanted it. On the steps of a building on the right side of the street, a young elven woman played a fiddle, providing a welcome entertainment. A human man leaned against the stair railing, watching her play with a mix of admiration and love.

The stranger seemed to materialize out of the horizon line, melting into reality like a desert mirage. His dark suit, dark hat and dark horse certainly stood out in the hot Fantasy Georgia sun, but the stranger wasn’t even breaking a sweat. His handsome face was set in a stern expression, and he rode with a purpose. Little did the people of Fantasy Georgia know how much of an act he was putting on.

Kravitz was in trouble. The Raven Queen was kind and patient, much more patient than Kravitz ever was with himself, and she had been giving him dozens of second chances to catch the liches he’d been pursuing for months. These red robed specters have been giving him quite the chase: through the mines of Phandalin, winding through the Felicity Wilds, and even to the moon and back. But finally, he had them tracked down to this small desert town. Soon this wild goose chase will be all over.

As soon as he enters the small town, all eyes were on him. A burly, bearded man standing outside of a carpentry shop paused his work on a wheelchair to look at him. Kravitz tipped his hat towards him, and he nodded his head back at him. A dwarven man sat outside of the local church, as two young children played in front of him. From behind the building where the bar was, a young elven man carried a box of food, but stopped in his tracks as he saw Kravitz. When he noticed Kravitz looking at him, he smirked and winked, and continued walking. Kravitz blushed and coughed loudly. That was the last thing Kravitz needed right now. He was so close to the liches he could feel it. He couldn’t afford to be distracted by a very handsome elf. Not right now, at least.

Finally, Kravitz came upon the young fiddle player and her admirer. He couldn’t help but be impressed at her skill with a violin. He had always appreciated good music in life and in death, and she obviously had a gift. He dismounted his horse as casually as he could, which meant that he fumbled with his footing a little bit as he went to the ground. He heard a snicker behind him, and then a voice.

“First time riding a horse, city boy?”

Kravitz heard the music stop, and saw the woman looking at him. He chuckled.

“Was it that obvious?” He silently cursed himself for his ridiculous accent. It was an old habit he was trying to stop, but old habits die hard. Pun intended.

“Nah, just a feeling. Your giant black suit definitely doesn’t give anything away. Seriously I’m sweating my ass off just looking at you.” She turned to the man sitting next to her. “Babe, you wanna get us some lemonade from Ren?”

“Sure thing.” The man kissed her cheek and got up to go to the bar. The woman put her fiddle down and stood up, smoothing the wrinkles on her clothes. “So what brings you here?”

Kravitz paused for a moment, trying to find the right words.

“Business.”

“Ah I see. Trying to open a fantasy Hot Topic?”

Kravitz gave another chuckle as he looked down at the ground. “No, nothing like that. Doesn’t seem like that would be a big seller here.” She laughs at that. Another pause. “Actually Lup, my business here is more…personal.” And as he looked at her, his eyes glowed red, and for a moment, he let his human form flicker to his skeletal form, and then back again. Lup shivered in the sun.

“Oh.”

Kravitz reached into the air and a book materialized into his hand. He opened it and flipped through it until he found the page he was looking for.

“Lup, you are under arrest for necromantic crimes against the Raven Queen and the natural world, including but not limited to: becoming a lich, evading capture, and for the use of arson against multiple reapers.”

Lup looked affronted. “Now, wait a sec there, ghost rider, y’all are already dead. I don’t think a little fire is gonna do any real damage.”

Kravitz snapped the book shut, pointedly ignoring her comment. He lifted the book back into the air, and it dematerialized. With his other hand, he summoned his scythe.

“You couldn’t run forever, Lup. Now you can come quietly with me and we’ll do this properly, or it can get very ugly very fast.”

It was at that opportune moment that Lup’s boyfriend decided to come back, precariously carrying three glasses of lemonade that he was intently focused on not dropping.

“Alright. I didn’t know if you wanted any lemonade, so I got us three just in ca-“

He looked up and saw Lup, the stranger, and a scythe. The stranger turned his head toward him and flashed his red eyes once more. He brought the book back and opened it to-

“Barry Bluejeans: multiple counts of necromantic crimes against the Raven Queen, including becoming a lich and evading capture multiple times. You are also under arrest.” And the book disappeared once more. Barry just stared dumbfounded at the stranger.

“…So no lemonade, then.”

Lup put her hands up, seemingly looking to negotiate a deal.

“Alright, listen, ghost rider. Can I call you ghost rider?”

“I would prefer if you called me Kravitz.” He growled a little. He definitely was not in the mood to negotiate with these undead abominations who refuse to go in quietly, if they ever go in at all.

“Alright, skeletor. You’ve been following us for a while now. Let me ask you something. … Have you ever actually seen us do any harm to anybody else?”

Kravitz gripped his scythe harder and brought it closer to the liches. Barry flinched a little bit, but Lup stood unwaveringly.

“Your presence is a danger to everyone on this planet. Now, my patience grows thin.” His eyes began to glow again.

Lup’s eyes darted around, seemingly looking for an out, when her eyes landed on something peeking out from behind Kravitz’s back. Hey eyes widened.

“Wait wait wait.” She pointed to his back. “You play, too?”

This was enough to halt Kravitz for just a second, and he glanced behind him at the violin case strapped to his back. “Yes. I’m rather fond of the violin as well. Small world. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He began to raise his scythe.

“Let me play you.”

And now, Kravitz was listening. “Beg your pardon?”

Lup looked relieved that Kravitz had finally paused in his mission. She continued.

“Let me play you. One fiddle vs another. Best player wins.”

And oh. Lup had hit Kravitz in his weak spot. He couldn’t resist a good gamble. Especially one that he had such an advantage on. Nothing against Lup’s rather good skills, but he doubted that she, at one point, was first violin in the most famous orchestra on the planet. Kravitz chuckled and dematerialized his scythe.

“Alright. Best player wins. If I win, you and Barry come with me. No resisting,” he gave Lup a stern look. “No fire.”

“No fire. And if I win?”

Kravitz thought about it for a minute, and then put his left palm out with his right hand covering it. He pulled his right hand straight up in the air, as if he were pulling a string, but instead of a string, he manifested a fiddle made entirely out of pure gold. It glimmered magnificently in the sun, and Lup’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“Holy shit. Deal.”

Kravitz looked around and saw an old hickory stump in the middle of the street. He walked towards it and laid the golden fiddle on it. By this point, most people had been watching this back and forth intently, and Kravitz wondered how many of them knew that their dear friends and neighbors were undead beings. No matter. He turned back around to Lup and Barry. Lup had went and gotten her violin and was walking towards Kravitz. She seemed pretty confident and Kravitz almost felt sorry for her.

They took their positions. Kravitz on one end of the street, Lup on the other, just like an old-fashioned shoot-out you would see in those old Fantasy westerns. Kravitz reached behind him and pulled his violin from behind him. It was completely black, and the base was shaped like a skull, to match the entire aesthetic he had going on. It was a gift from the Raven Queen when he first became a reaper. He took out his bow and looked at Lup, who bowed to him.

“Reapers first, m’dude.”

“With pleasure.” And Kravitz positioned his bow across the strings, paused for a moment, and began to play.

His first movement across the strings ignited a fire in him that he hadn’t felt in a long time, so much so that it spilled out of his fingertips and sent sparks into the air. His red eyes glowed with passion and power, and a mighty ripple went through the town and its residents. Music had been Kravitz’s passion in life, and it continued in death. He played a dark tune that made the ground rumble, as if the souls of the damned were threatening to break through. Kravitz finished on a truly impressive glissando and brought his bow down with a flourish. Not a soul stirred as all of the residents stared at Kravitz in awe. Then, the silence was broken.

“FUCK yeah, bone daddy!”

Kravitz whipped his head around and saw the handsome elf from earlier shouting at him from the porch of the bar. Kravitz blushed again, but his newfound confidence from his recent playing encouraged him enough to wink back at the elf. Lup, however, was not as pleased.

“Taako, what the FUCK! You used to be my brother!! Support me, please??”

The elf, whose name was Taako, at least had the decency to look guilty.

“Sorry lemme try again. … Go Lup! Woo!” Taako did not sound nearly as enthusiastic as he did for Kravitz. Lup rolled her eyes and turned back to Kravitz.

“Not bad. For a dead guy.” She smiled. “The sparks were real cute. Now, let me show you how it’s done.”

And she began to play.

Hundreds of years in service to the Raven Queen is proof that Kravitz physically does not have a heart anymore. That still didn’t stop it from warming as soon as Lup began to fiddle. Kravitz’s playing chilled the town. Lup’s warmed it back up. There was love in every note and it filled every person with a sense of hope. Her passion for something…or someone…was so obvious and evident, it seemed to be a magic all on its own. It didn’t even take the whole song for Kravitz to realize that he’d been out-fiddled. When Lup finished up, the entire town cheered, and Kravitz actually had to stop himself from cheering too. Barry ran over to Lup and embraced her, a huge smile on both of their faces. Kravitz bowed his head and began to walk back toward his horse, ready to leave town, when…

“Wait a minute, ghost rider. You’re forgetting the last part.”

Kravitz turned back around, and Lup had her fiddle back in hand, ready to play again.

“What next part? You won, fair and square.”

Lup laughed. “No no no. Now,” and she played a chord, “we play together.”

Kravitz cocked an eyebrow as Lup looked at him expectantly. “C��mon! Play with me!”

And Lup began to play again, a jovial dance tune. Kravitz looked at her. He wondered why he didn’t just strike her down when he had the chance. What in the world had compelled him to take this bet, and not just bring in the two liches who had been causing him so much trouble? He could do it now. He could just rear his scythe back and end them here and now. He could…

Maybe it was the long journey he had. Maybe it was the elf who had been flirting with him. Maybe it was the thrill and joy of the music that he hadn’t felt in a long time. For whatever reason…

Kravitz played with her.

Their two different music styles weaved so wonderfully together: Kravitz’s low, otherworldly sounds, Lup’s full of life and love. Before they knew it, they were playing like old friends and partners. The townsfolk had begun to clap in rhythm, some even dancing in the street. Barry had somehow (probably with magic) pulled a piano outside and began to play with them as well. It was the most fun Kravitz had had in the mortal world in a long time. He and Lup were laughing and so was Barry and for the first time, Kravitz was making mortals happy, and not bringing death and pain to them. It was thrilling and wonderful. One song turned into two, and then into five, and pretty soon, Kravitz, Lup and Barry had spent the better part of the afternoon giving an impromptu concert to the residents of Fantasy Georgia.

The concert had winded down to a halt right around sunset, when people were just too tired to dance, and, in Lup’s and Barry’s case, too tired to play. Kravitz sat with them, and finally got around to having that lemonade from earlier. They sat on the steps that Kravitz had found them on earlier.

“I haven’t had that much fun in a long time,” said Kravitz.

Lup looked at him with a smile. “Yeah. You’re not so bad once you finally let loose.” She took a swig of lemonade. “And you’re a pretty fucking good player.”

Kravitz smiled too. “I should hope so. I wasn’t first chair at the Neverwinter Orchestra for nothing.”

“No shit!” Lup looked impressed. There was silence as the three of them looked at the sky. Kravitz sighed and turned to Lup and Barry.

“Look. I’m gonna need to talk to you guys eventually. About you being liches and everything. You can’t stay like this forever. Liches are…incredibly dangerous beings.”

Barry spoke up. “We know. We…we knew the risks when we first became liches, but…you have to understand. We were coming from a place where we encountered…” he looked at Lup nervously. She shrugged as if to say “Might as well tell him.” “…we encountered death more times than we ever would like to admit.”

Lup popped in. “We stopped a major apocalypse happening here. Of course, nobody knows anything about it because…well, we stopped it.”

Kravitz blinks a couple of times. “Wait, you guys stopped…the end of the world?”

Barry grimaces. “It’s a long story. Us and a couple of other people here…we’re not really…from this world?”

Kravitz could feel a headache forming. This was a lot more complicated than he thought. “Hooo-kay. I’ll…I’ll take your word for it for now. We need to talk about everything, eventually. How you’re able to be so calm and collected for being liches to start. But I do have to get back soon. The bottom line is we really can’t have liches on this planet.” Lup and Barry look nervously at each other. Kravitz suddenly has an idea. “Look. What if I talked to my goddess about you two, and we set up a meeting where you explain everything to her. What I could do is…talk her into letting you become reapers. You’d do everything that I do and possibly could still have residency here with your family.”

Kravitz looked expectantly at Lup and Barry, who looked extremely surprised. Barry spoke up first. “Woah. That’s…that’s a better proposition than I thought you were gonna say.” Lup then said “Why are you being so nice to us?”

Kravitz fiddled with his glass of lemonade and avoided eye contact with them. “Well, to be honest, you reminded me of how much I enjoy making music with other people. It’s been a while since I’ve plated with other people.” He paused. “Plus, I would very much like to play with you guys again, and I can’t really do that if you’re in the Eternal Stockade.”

Lup smiled wide. “Fuck yeah, ghost rider! We’ll be a trio of reaper musicians! Fear the Reapers! That’s our name. Don’t argue with me on this one, my names are fucking perfect.”

Kravitz laughed. “I still have to talk with the Raven Queen tho. But I’ll be in contact with you.” He stands up and turns to them with his hand outstretched. Barry takes it.

“Will do, Kravitz. Thanks for…y’know, getting to know us and not taking us in right away.”

Kravitz smiles and then goes to shake Lup’s hand.

“Oh, NONE of that, bones.” And she forgoes the handshake and goes right in for a hug. Kravitz is taken aback for a few seconds before he reciprocates. Lup lets go and says “You’re pretty much our friend now, so there’s no getting rid of us. Plus I’ve already made an Fantasy Instagram for our band. You can’t back out now.”

Kravitz shakily laughs. “Oh, I’m gonna have so much explaining to do to the Raven Queen.” He walks over to his horse and mounts it, ready to head out. “Barry, Lup, it’s been an absolute pleasure, and I look forward to our meeting. I’ll um…actually hold on. Do you have Stones of Farspeech?”

“Yeah.”

“For sure.”

Barry and Lup pull out two stones hanging around their neck. Kravitz waves his hand and the stones glow for a couple of seconds before returning to their normal state.

“There,” Kravitz said. “I’ve attuned your stones to mine, so when I have the meeting set up, I’ll contact you.”

Lup looks at her stone. “Oh rad!” She looks back up at Kravitz and says “Take it easy, ghost rider! And thanks for the golden fiddle!”

Kravitz waves at Barry and Lup before riding down the street and out of town. Before Kravitz could get too far out of the town, he heard a voice shout from behind him.

“HEY! Hey woah woah woah! Bone daddy!”

Kravitz turned and saw the handsome elf from before (Taako?) riding toward him on his own horse. He slowed down right as he got to Kravitz and rode next to him.

“Think you were gonna leave without saying goodbye?”

Taako was even more handsome up close, and it threw Kravitz off so much that he forgot to keep up the accent that he’d been doing the whole time.

“Um…can’t say goodbye if we didn’t even say hello.”

Taako laughed a little hysterically. “Holy shit. That accent wasn’t even real?!” He tipped his head back and laughed for real. Kravitz secretly wanted him to keep laughing forever. “You’re a fucking dork!! Oh my god!”

Kravitz bristled a little at that. “I am not.”

“Um, yeah you are. You come in here all:” and at this, Taako, dropped his voice comically low and adopted a ridiculous accent. “Wotcher, I’m here to collect your bloody souls, mate. Wanna cuppa tea? Pip pip and all that!” Taako laughed again. “And then the accent isn’t even real!!”

Kravitz’s blush deepened and spread down his neck but couldn’t stop himself from laughing with Taako at how ridiculous it did sound. “Did I really sound like that?”

“Oh don’t worry, thug. It’s hella cute. I love a dorky man.” Taako looked at Kravitz and Kravitz looked back, both pretty enamored with the other. Taako held his hand out. “I’m Taako. Y’know from TV.”

Kravitz took his hand and shook it. “Kravitz. Not from…TV…what even is that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Taako said as he let go of his hand. (Kravitz wished he didn’t.) “So, not gonna lie, your fiddle playing was pretty hot. You’re really good. I was almost scared for Lup for a split second.”

Kravitz puffed his chest out at the compliment. “Thank you.”

“Well,” Taako said, “even if you had tried to do anything to her or Barold, I would have stepped in and stopped you.”

Kravitz nodded. “Right, siblings, yeah?”

Taako leaned in with a smirk, “Twins.”

“Twins?” Kravitz sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Yup.” Taako said with a pop on the “p.”

Kravitz shook his head. “No matter. If I had won and you had tried to do anything, I would’ve had to arrest you, too.”

“Ooo kinky. Buy me dinner first.”

Kravtiz choked on thin air, and Taako nervously laughed. “Woah take it easy.” Taako reached over and patted Kravitz on the back, and Kravitz died a second death. “You’re not on the receiving end of a lot of flirting, are you?”

Kravitz regained some composure and replied, “No, surprisingly enough. When people see me, their first reaction typically isn’t ‘Let me flirt with the man whose here to reap my soul.’”

Taako laughed, and Kravitz beamed. “I must be pretty special, then. One of a kind.”

Kravitz clicked his tongue and shrugged his shoulders, “Technically, you’re one of a pair, because of the whole twin thing.”

Taako gasped and clutched his chest dramatically. Kravitz laughed at his ridiculousness. “Krav, I’m WOUNDED. How could you say that? I’m clearly the better twin. Now you HAVE to buy me dinner to pay for that cruel insult.”

Kravitz laughed as he put his hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright! You drive a hard bargain.”

“Hell yes!” Taako pumped his fist into the air. “Wanna do 8 pm next Friday?”

“Sounds perfect,” said Kravitz, and in a stroke of confidence that surprised even himself, he reached over and touched the Stone of Farspeech still hanging around Taako’s neck. It glowed for a few seconds and became still once more. It was Taako’s turn to blush as Kravitz reluctantly pulled his hand away.

Kravitz said “Now, I can contact you anytime and vice versa.”

Taako took a deep breath. “Sounds like a plan, bone daddy.” He smiled. “See you then.”  And without another word, Taako turned back around and rode towards town, looking back to wave at Kravitz.

Kravitz waved a hand back as he watched Taako fade into the distance.

All in all, not a bad day.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Lucas Miller was at the door when Magnus opened it. He opened his wimpy little mouth to say what was probably some wimpy little words, but Magnus shut the door in his face and went back to the couch, instead.

"Who was it?" Lucretia asked from where she sat amidst her pile of birthday presents. Magnus settled himself down. Across the room, Lup and Taako were throwing wrapping paper at each other. Davenport had his head in his hands in a way that very much reminded Magnus of when they were being too rambunctious on the Starblaster. Both Barry and Merle had somehow managed to fall asleep.

"Uh," Magnus said, side-eyeing Kravitz, who had just gotten hit in the face with a ball of wrapping paper. He leaned in closer to Lucretia, trying not to be overheard because he honestly didn't know what would happen if Kravitz came face to face with Lucas again. Probably something enjoyable, but not the type of enjoyable fit for Lucretia's birthday. "Lucas Miller."

"Oh," Lucretia said. Right on time, he knocked on the door again, although it was rather timid this time. "I'll go-"

"No, no-" Magnus said, already standing back up. "It's your birthday, Creesh, relax."

"But-"

"Already going!" Magnus said. "Magnus rushes out!"

Lucretia let out a bubble of laughter as he hurried out of the room again. This time when he opened the door, Lucas spoke right away.

"Sorry-" he started off with, which was good. His voice was just as nasally and annoying as before, which was not good. "Sorry, I won't be long, I just- Here. For, uhm. For Lucretia."

He thrust a present into Magnus's hands, refusing to meet his eye.

"What's in it?" Magnus asked suspiciously. The package was small and rectangular, with plain brown paper and a dark blue bow. There was a tag on it.

"Well, it's a gift, which means it's kinda a surprise-"

"What's in it, Miller?"

"Watercolors," Lucas admitted, pushing up his glasses. "I, uh- she used to paint, all the time. Made a portrait of me and- and mom and her, so when I saw these in Neverwinter I sorta just- I thought she would like them, y'know? It's, uhm. Well, I just figured, since she's my step-mom, I'd get her someth-"

"That's nice," Magnus said, not really wanting to hear anymore. "Bye."

He shut the door on Lucas's face again, cutting him off halfway through his own goodbye. Magnus lifted to present up, trying to decide if it was actually okay to give to Lucretia or not. Lucas didn't seem like the type to meddle with gifts, even if he was a shitty person. Personally, he didn't know why Lucretia still-

Why Lucretia...

Step-mom?

Magnus opened the door again. Lucas was halfway down the steps.

"Step-mom?" Magnus demanded, marching down after him. Lucas squeaked and nearly tripped down the rest of the steps, hurrying to get to the bottom before Magnus got to him.

"Ye- yeah!" he said. "Step-mom! She never- she never told you?" He seemed to wilt at the idea of that. Magnus, who wasn't the most tactful even with the people he cared about, said,

"Uh, no?" Magnus said. "When did this happen?"

"Well, uhh, a few years ago now, uhm." Lucas was wringing his hands, still looking anywhere besides Magnus. "I thought she woulda told you after, y'know, the memories and things, but I guess not, so it's fine-"

"But your mom is-"

"Yeah," Lucas said tensely.

"Oh," Magnus said, and with that came the realization that he wasn't the only one who had lost his wife in their years alone. He and Barry had talked about the feeling, sometimes, but Lucretia hadn't brought it up at all and- oh. Magnus swallowed.

"I'm gonna go," Lucas said uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Magnus said, finally getting to meet his eyes. Fuck, he hated Lucas Miller but now there were layers to it. Goddamnit. "I'll give this to her."

"Thanks," Lucas said before scurrying down the garden path.

[terezis]

I fell in love with your prince of thieves fic and reread it a few times bc thief sneaking into palace to secretly meet the quiet royal? My favourite fucking trope. It kills me. After reading it a few times i had a dream that netflix made it a series and i was eager to watch it when i awoke for like 2 minutes before i tragically remembered its a one shot fanfic rip

HAHAHA OH NO... well, maybe one day netflix will let me make a series... 

i had plans to expand it into its own fully-fledged fic at one point, but i couldn't figure out how to resolve the conflict i wanted to set up LOL. maybe i'll take another crack at it when i'm less busy??? 🤔🤔🤔

at some point taako was going to show up in kravitz's room in the middle of an assassination attempt, carried out by someone who looked uncannily like him. wink! taako would help fight kravitz's assassin off, but they'd have a hard time of it because kravitz is injured, and taako and his opponent are pretty solidly matched... so they’re at a stalemate they get a good look at each other's faces and freeze.

and that's when the guards burst in. (the door to kravitz's chambers would have been locked/ barricaded i guess??? LOL.) lup hears them coming and flees before she’s seen, which leaves taako and kravitz in a pretty sticky situation.

the room is in shambles from an obvious struggle. the captain of the guard received a report that someone was seen breaking into the prince's bedroom. and here is someone fitting the description of that person... and he has a sword... and the prince has been stabbed. this doesn't look great for taako!

so yeah he gets arrested. taako is thrown in the dungeon to await questioning and what will surely be a speedy trial.

kravitz protests, but his arguments fall on deaf ears. his mother is very unimpressed with his life choices lately. i think privately she does believe that taako saved her son's life, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's

a. an extremely wanted criminal,

b. an extremely wanted criminal who has been breaking into the castle and sneaking into her son the prince's bedroom every night, and

c. the person who actually did try to kill kravitz appears to be taako's twin sister. that's a coincidence she's not really comfortable with!

kravitz is actually a little uncomfortable with that fact as well. it is pretty suspicious. kravitz didn't even know taako had a sister. how did she know how to get into the castle, when previously taako was the only one who knew the way? where does taako go when he's not here? why did taako even break into the castle in the first place?

taako can't (or won't?) answer his questions when kravitz sneaks down to the stockade to see him.... and that just makes him less sure. and with taako's trial coming up... well, things would escalate from there!!!

[youhearstatic]

Blupjeans + Megamind

Okay, so here's my thought, and you're gonna read this beginning and say I'm cribbing from The Incredibles but really I think it's more of combining and changing the characters of Roxanne and Metro Man. Also, I'm kinda stirring a lot of things around in order to play better with our TAZ people.

So Lup is Megamind. I think her backstory fits his the best. Here's this brilliant and talented wizard being told everything about her is wrong and bad. So, fine, she'll be bad.

But mostly she's just looking to have fun, right? To use those powers itching under her skin and maybe, just maybe, put on a show in the meantime.

Instead of kidnapping 'Roxanne' though, she finds out about another Superhero crisis and rushes there to 'help.' (She actually does want to help but of course no one sees it that way.)

She arrives at the scene to rescue this little girl, only to find this random guy there and no media. Random guy at the scene tells her, "Actually, it was a false alarm and this kid was trying to cause problems. So maybe don't go rushing to emergencies without getting a little more info."

Lup is annoyed but shrugs it off and leaves. As soon as she's gone, 'random guy' is revealed to be the local Super. He recognized Lup and - more importantly - was still in his 'everyday guy' appearance and couldn't let her find out. He deals with the problem and leaves as well.

Something about this guy sticks with Lup. He didn't seem afraid of her. If anything, he was concerned for her. Definitely weird behavior. So she and her minion (an adorable sentient umbrella) start trying to track this guy down. And then, when she finds him - scientist Barry Hallwinter - she's even more confused. She wants to know more about him so why not kill two birds with one stone? Kidnap him, taunt the local Super to come save him, and in the meantime, find out more about this guy.

Only, the Super doesn't show, does he? So the kidnapping turns into a weird dinner date until eventually she lets him go. He kisses her on the cheek and says, "Thank you."

So now she's a little bit infatuated with Regular Guy Barry and really pretty pissed at Local Super Guy. How dare he not come save Barry?!

So she's gonna get him back. She stages more and more elaborate plans but somehow they never quite work out. She lets Super Guy know she's robbing the museum, somehow Regular Guy Barry happens to be there. (Though no one actually saw him come in. Kinda weird.)

Somewhere in there she finds out that she has a twin brother who, unlike her, was adopted. She looks him up and finds a face that looks familiar but is living a life she can't understand. Taako is a successful chef, has a boyfriend, has a pseudo nephew, and for all she can see is happy and well adjusted.

But then she actually meets him and finds out he's just as big a mess as she is. Only, he says everyone is?

But she's a bad guy! Those are the only people who are attention seeking, showboating, ridiculously dramatic messes, right?

"Ha!" says Taako, "You think that, you should see how Kravitz acted when he thought I forgot our anniversary. And trust me, he's no bad guy." He squints at her. "And neither are you, I think. You just got screwed over." And then he hugs her and adds, "And so did I. I fucking KNEW I had a sibling, someone almost as good looking as me."

"Shutup," she says, hugging him back. "I'm way better looking."

So now she has a brother and she and Barry meet for dinner sometimes and the biggest remaining issues are that she's still widely considered a villain and that Local Super Guy still doesn't seem to give her any respect. He never shows up when she tries things. (Granted, she's staging much less grand stunts these days and in the moment she's never that broken up that Regular Guy Barry always seems to be around. It seems the city isn't as big as she'd thought, is all.)

But then a threat faces the city that isn't Lup's silly stunts and Local Super Guy doesn't show. He's been around all this time, dealing with fires and wrecks and other non-Lup related catastrophes. But today? Nothing. Nada. So what's a super powerful girl to do but step up?

And as she dives in to deal with this threat (insert super dramatic thing I'm drawing a blank on here) she finds... Regular Guy Barry grievously injured...

And he's still partially clad in Local Super Guy's outfit.

She's angry at being tricked but she saves him nonetheless. The threat is neutralized, the city saved, and Regular Guy Barry is left to recuperate in the hospital.

Lup doesn't visit him.

She does however spend more time with Taako and eventually, frustrated with her pouting, he points out that just as she's sometimes a mess with issue and he's sometimes a mess with issues ("I may be nearly perfect but it does happen!") and even handsome Kravitz is sometimes a mess with issues... maybe Regular Guy Barry and Local Super Guy are ... also sometimes a mess with issues.

Everyone realizes they are every bit as good or evil as they allow themselves to be and that being loved and supported makes choosing 'good' a lot easier.

Lup and Barry talk, kiss, and become a crime fighting duo.

Sometimes, though, they pretend to 'save' one another and have a date with Regular and Super.

Kravitz is annoyed to become brother in law to a pair of annoying Supers but also Taako is so happy he kinda can't help loving them too.

He does quit his job in insurance, though.

Send me something to AU and I'll tell you how I'd make it Blupjeans!

[ceilingfan5]

if only

“This world was not built for one such as I,” Kravitz laments, catching his ugly plastic glasses as they tumble right back out of the cabinet he tried to haphazardly shove them in. He’s emptying the dishwasher, only because he’s finally decided to use it again, and he’d fully forgotten he had so many fucking dishes. Listen, he loves his ridiculous thrifted mug collection, but it’s not like his dehydrated ass is using four different cups a day.

“Is that Shakespeare?” Taako doesn’t look up from whatever delicious black magic he’s taken over Kravitz’s kitchen with. Kravitz isn’t the kind of guy to personify objects, he pretends, but he imagines it must be excited to be used for something more complex than microwave dinners and good old fashioned blue-box. Thrilled, even. Elated. Maybe that’s just Kravitz’s stomach.

“No. Kravitz.”

“You’re fucking ridiculous.” Taako snorts. “They’re just dishes.”

“The cabinets aren’t big enough!” Kravitz protests. “Imagine a family living here. What would they do?”

“It’s a one-bedroom apartment, homie. It’s barely meant to fit you.”

“And barely fit it does indeed. If you think this is ridiculous-”

“I said you were ridiculous, loverboy.”

“You should see my closet! I’ve gone up a size since we started dating-”

“Good!!” Taako points a rubber spatula at him accusingly. “You and those trash rectangles you eat needed a fucking come-to-jesus menu.”

“I don’t think you have any room to point, love of mine.” Kravitz smiles, though, like the sun is shining out his ass, irradiating his formica countertops. And the lower cabinets, which also hold too little.

“Never once in my life have I been accused of hypocrisy and I won’t start recognizing it now.” Taako huffs obnoxiously and goes back to stirring. “But I’m serious, you should move into the shitty old house with me. Been mad empty since Lup ditched me. Just me and the cats.” He leans against Kravitz and sighs. “Alone.”

Kravitz laughs and kisses him fondly.

“I would if I could, Taako, honest. No less honest than the last time we had this conversation. I’m stuck in this fucking lease until May.”

“You’re gonna run out of organs to sell by May!”

“This is true. My rent is atrocious. But my moms are glad I’m safe, and I have a covered parking space, and-” he swipes a taste of what Taako is cooking, and Taako yelps and shoves him away, laughing, and then of course they have to kiss, and laugh, and kiss again, and it’s so fucking domestic Kravitz could cry. If only him from three months ago could see this. He’d have a lot more hope for the world.

“And all that shit doesn’t matter a bit if you aren’t happy, yeah?” Taako puts his arm around Kravitz’s waist and leans against him, focusing on their dinner but sharing his love the way he knows how. “They won’t even let you have a cat. You’re fucking lucky I took Concrete in.”

“To clarify, I am allowed a cat, it would have just cost me $200 deposit plus a $300 fee, plus $45 a month pet rent.”

“PET RENT,” Taako howls, like this is news, like he hasn’t ranted about this easily fifteen times. “Pets can’t pay rent! They’re layabouts! That’s what they’re for!”

“Really, I mean, it sort of makes sense, think of the damage a pet can do-”

“Don’t defend these leeches, Krav. They’re sucking you dry and don’t give a single fuck about it. I may have to mow my own fucking lawn but, Jesus, at least I’m in charge of me.”

Kravitz sighs, and he very, very carefully extricates some plates (actual plates, not the paper plates he uses for 98% of his meals by himself) for their dinner.

“I’m not trying to defend them, Taako, it’s just-- if I can’t pretend there’s a reason, it makes me so upset I can’t sleep at night.”

“Mmm, well. Lucky you have me, and I have ways of making that happen.” Taako kisses his neck, and snickers when Kravitz almost drops the plates. “This stupid apartment may not suit your needs, but I have you covered and then some, handsome. Let’s eat fast, alright?”

“Right- yeah. Yes. Definitely.”

Taako laughs, and kisses him on the lips, and the world keeps on turning, with all its flaws and blessings, balanced in their lopsided way. Rather, we have to believe there’s at least some balance to it all. If that takes a little pretend, so be it.

[rangerdew]

well im posting this tazes

finished TAZ, here are my juicy, freshly harvested, organic thoughts for the picking

- i really liked magnus' ending, out of all of them. they went through so much but theyll all still die at the end. no one's immortal. i also just think his development, metatextually and textually, is really cool.

- the world of taz kind of makes me .. withered because of how *nice* and *stable* it is. the god that made them said that they saved the world, theyre proud of them, etc. but i guess for me when he said that, all i could think about was -- they saved the world, but it's not going to last forever. they have story and song but one day the people who know of those will die and the world will end or maybe there will be a mass extinction and it will be reborn or it will stay barren forever or another planet will crash into it and itll fall into a million pieces and reform again or maybe it will be swallowed by the sun or ravaged by wildfires and exploding texas lithium batteries but man. it would be nice, wouldnt it, if a fantasy world could sustain itself forever

- griffin is very idealistic in this story in a way that reminds me a little of what ozymandias from watchmen was probably thinking -- big extraterrestrial problem, everyone bands together against big extraterrestrial problem, capitalism solved. dont have a conclusion, just an observation.

- more things that made me withered are taako and merles and to an extent magnuss futures. they all become . . . business owners, some with like, BUSINESSS business like taako, and are all . . . idk how to explain this but powerful men? the entire world knows of their bravery and otherworldly age and knowledge and wisdom from their century and how they saved them and tried to save other worlds for a hundred years and that they're heroes and it just didnt stick right with me. it made me feel weird. like i dont want to relate to them anymore. 

- im not going to lie what sarah z said -- or maybe what she implied? -- does stick in my head. to an extent, the three heroes transformation and endgame or what they became is much like what the mcelroys became. i am just remembering now that she was talking about graduation, but i feel like its . . . similar. i watch mbambam or listen to taz sometimes and i think its nice that these are three guys in their hometown, but then i remember  . . . everything and suddenly it becomes harder to stomach.

other taz thoughts i had, not from the finale but felt prudent to say now

- to expand on 'harder to stomach', in mbambam they heavily associate and work with both the mayor and the police force with little criticism of the institutions as a whole. those are the hardest parts of the show to watch for me, but taking into account their perspective as white, homegrown american boys from west virginia, a lot of stuff in taz starts to . not make sense but like connect the dots? for me anyway. easiest example is kravitz and the death prison. i cant think of any other examples, textually, that reflect christian, liberal, capitalistic american society by griffins design of worldbuilding rn but im sure there are more around there

- lup and barry becoming 'grim reapers' ish at the end makes me withered i cant explain it either it feels like death cops and totally not what theyd do but i guess all the escaped spirits are 'bad' whatever

- dont know how to start this one but its very interesting seeing where the brothers' familiarity with each other and doing improv with each other pay off in the story. like they so easily can fit into roles and tell what the other is implying and connect the dots of character and reaction and rolling with a story so naturally it feels scripted. justin is especially good at this there were SO many 'oh shit' moments from taako it was awesome 

- you know when someones like, comic artist/painter/fanartist/animator/whatever made me want to get into art? i have something to tell you about the adventure zone ost

[optimistic-violinist]

Have I ever told you guys about my TAZ:Balance Phineas and Ferb AU?

Well I’m gonna!

So basically The Gang is up to their normal shenanigans and build the Starblaster and it just happens to be perfect timing as the Hunger then shows up and eats Danville and they begin touring the planes.

Phineas is Lucretia because leader/Director and also empathetic and just, there has to be a way to fix things! Working tirelessly to bring his family back and save the worlds.

 Ferb is Taako. Wizard. Impeccable fashion sense. Fantastic one-liners. Need I say more.

Candace is Lup. She deserves to be “phantasmal and resplendent,” and just the whole red robe vibe fits here! 

Jeremy is obviously Barry then. He is a smitten nerd. We love him.

Buford is Magnus (the goldfish guys! It’s perfect!). Tough guy with a surprisingly soft interior.

Isabella is Merle. Fireside girl, fights more than she heals and gets crap for it. This also allows her to have a spa day with Phineas/Lucretia. 

Doofenshmirtz is the Hunger, which means he and Isabella play chess together and if the newest PnF movie was anything to go by, I love their interactions and I think it works.

Finally, Perry is Davenport! The ace pilot! The quiet one! The one who would give everything for the mission! Phineas’ right-hand platypus!

Baljeet is Angus, but obviously he’s on the Starblaster with them, we’ll just go with it. I love him.

ALSO THIS MAKES VANESSA KRAVITZ which I think she deserves and then Candace and Jeremy become grim reapers with her and I’m a genius.

Please also imagine the angst potential of Ferb yelling at Phineas, “You took everything from me!” And just-

Imagine it. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. XD

[cataztrophi]

“Could I get a mai tai?” The man slid his credit card across the bar and Taako snatched it up with a million-watt smile. 

“Coming right up, my dude! Leave it open?”

The man nodded and Taako started a tab for him at the register. Then he grabbed a shaker from the bar, flipped it twice in the air, and set it back down.

“Lup! White rum!”

Lup nodded and tossed the bottle from the speed rack towards him. “Heads up!”

Taako caught it with a practiced ease and upended the bottle into the shaker he had already filled with ice. From the other end of the bar, there was a flash of fire as Lup lit up a shot of 151. She only broke out the fire when they were sure Davenport and Lucretia weren't around. In fairness to her, that one frat boy had only burned his eyebrows off because he was too dumb to put the flaming cocktail out before he drank it.

It was Saturday at the Starblaster, and Taako was in his element. The music was cranked up to a volume that shook the walls, colored spotlights swarmed over the floor and the crowds of dancers, and the heat and frenzied movement kept sweating patrons rushing to the bar in waves for something ice cold and served by Yours Truly with a wink. Grinning, Taako shoveled ice into a hurricane glass and dumped the rest of the ingredients into the shaker. He flipped up a smaller shaker, slammed it down on the first, and began mixing the drink. 

Taako and Lup had developed a knack for showy bartending during the five years they had worked at the Starblaster. On nights like this, with thirsty customers crowded around the bar, they worked in perfect tandem, effortlessly orbiting each other like the twin suns of a binary system. Unfortunately, not everyone in the bar shared that ability. As Taako threw back his arm, it collided with something solid and the shaker slipped out of his hand. Taako heard a soft “oof,” followed by the sound of tin smashing into tile and ice scattering across the floor.

He whirled around to see Kravitz standing behind him, his white dress shirt and gray vest dripping with spilled mai tai. 

“Fuck!” Double fuck. Of all the times to lose track of the guy he’d been checking out for the past month…. Taako grabbed a towel from under the bar and began dabbing at Kravitz’s clothes. “Sorry, my dude! In my defense, you shouldn't get behind me when I'm shakin'.”

Kravitz grimaced. “I'll try to remember that. And it's no problem, I'll just….” He picked up a handful of cocktail napkins and attempted to dry himself off, but only succeeded in creating a mushy wad of paper that stuck to his clothes and hands.

“Here, Taako, I’ll take over bartending,” Barry said, appearing as he so often did at the moment he was needed. “You should help Kravitz find some dry clothes.”

“I owe you one, Barold,” Taako said, clapping Barry on the shoulder before turning towards the door that led to the employees only area. “Come on, my fella. I think Magnus has some spare t-shirts lying around that should fit you.” Kravitz followed behind him, still doing his best with the cocktail napkins.

“So, is this the first time you got spilled on?” Taako asked as they reached the back room where they left their bags during their shifts. If he made enough small talk, maybe he could drown out the voice in his head telling him he’d just blown any shot he had with Kravitz.

“No, I spilled a pitcher of water on myself my first week. It's the first one since that, though.”

“Not bad for your first month! Here's a Taako Pro Tip: always keep at least one spare outfit with you. You gotta be prepared for when wardrobe disaster strikes.” He found Magnus' bag and began rooting around in it.

“And you're sure Magnus won't mind?”

“Nah, we borrow his shit all the time. Well, ‘borrow….’ Aha!” He pulled out a black t-shirt and waved it triumphantly in the air like a flag. “It might be a little big on you, but-”

The words died in Taako's throat as he turned around to find that Kravitz had unbuttoned his shirt and vest and was now in the process of shrugging out of them. Taako felt heat creeping up his face. He was staring, he knew he was staring, but fuck. His mind wandered and he imagined pressing his hands to Kravitz’s chest, feeling the muscles move under his hands as Kravitz wrapped his arms around him…. Then winding his arms around Kravitz’s neck and pulling him down for a kiss….

“Uh… Taako?”

“What? Oh! Here.” He thrust the t-shirt in Kravitz’s direction. A few dark lines on Kravitz’s ribs caught his eye. “Hang on–is that a tattoo?”

Kravitz pulled the shirt on. It was definitely too big, but it would do for the night. “Yeah.”

“Huh.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, you just seem sort of straight-laced.”

“Maybe I just take a while to warm up to people.” He met Taako’s eyes, holding his gaze for just a moment too long. Was it just him, or was the room getting smaller?

He swallowed hard. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Kravitz blinked, breaking the tension between them. Taako was a little sorry to see it go. “What?”

Taako grinned. “Show-and-tell, my man. I’ll tell you about my tattoo if you tell me about yours.”

He hesitated for a moment. “It’s not on your ass, is it?”

Taako snorted. “Are you kidding? I’m not giving that away for free. Here.” He pulled down the neck of his crop top to expose one shoulder and turned his back to Kravitz. After another moment of hesitation, Kravitz stepped closer to see the small tattoo right next to his shoulder blade. It was a deep red umbrella, half-open.

“Lup has one just like it,” Taako explained. “We got it for our 18th birthday. We moved around a lot as kids–you know, relatives, foster homes, stuff like that–so we really only had each other. It’s our way of saying that we’ll always have each other’s backs.”

“That’s… really sweet.” Kravitz heaved a sigh, and for a moment Taako was worried that he'd pushed too hard. He did that sometimes, and Lup always told him it would get him into trouble. Not that she was any better. Then Kravitz continued. “It's a few bars from Fauré's Pavane in F-sharp minor. My tattoo, I mean. I always loved that piece. I used to imagine myself conducting it, back when I was studying music.”

“What happened?”

Kravitz shrugged. “Oh, you know, the usual. Things got in the way. Life, money, dwindling funding for the arts….”

Taako nodded. “Man, I know how that goes. Well, it's a rad tattoo anyway.”

The faintest smile turned up the corners of Kravitz’s lips. “Thanks.” He glanced at the clock over the door. “We should probably get back.”

He was right, but for the first time in five years Taako wasn’t itching to get back to the adrenaline rush of a packed house. “Yeah, gotta keep Lup from burning the place down.”

Kravitz chuckled and headed for the door. Taako lingered for a moment, fumbling with his phone.

“Hey, Krav?”

Kravitz turned around, his hand on the doorknob. “Yeah?”

Taako held up his phone, which was playing the opening notes of the Fauré Pavane. “This song slaps.”

Krav smiled and, without another word, disappeared through the door.

The rest of the night passed in a blur, and Taako constantly found himself biting back a smile. He knew if Lup caught him grinning she would tease him about it for months. She had already done the obligatory "suggestive eyebrow waggle" at him when he and Kravitz had returned from the back room. He finished his shift exhausted but happy, with a vague plan to catch Kravitz on his way out and see if he wanted to grab some 4 a.m. breakfast at the diner around the corner. When he headed to the back, though, Kravitz’s bag was already gone.

“Did Kravitz leave already?” he asked Magnus, who was just closing out his shift as a bouncer. 

“Yeah, he was only on till 3 today. He left a while ago.” He began digging more forcefully through his bag. “Hey Taako, have you seen my spare t-shirt? I could have sworn I brought one today….”

“Nope! No clue, sorry, my dude.” He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. 

Despite his disappointment, he managed to convince Lup and Barry to join him at the diner, and they were chatting happily as they left the bar. As soon as he got to the parking lot, he saw something bright pink sail past him and explode on the asphalt, splashing his legs with frigid water. He gasped at the sudden cold and whirled around just in time to see Kravitz hurling another water balloon in his direction. This one hit him square in the chest, and he squealed in surprise and shock. Kravitz was laughing, a good, deep laugh that Taako hadn’t heard from him before.

“Ceasefire!” Taako raised his arms above his head. Lup was collapsed against Barry, roaring with laughter. Kravitz paused mid-windup for his next throw, then dropped the water balloon back into the bucket at his feet.

“I figured turnabout was fair play,” Kravitz said, still chuckling. Taako walked towards him, hands held limply above his head.

“Okay, fair enough.” Taako was smiling now, too. At this time of year, the temperature was almost 80 even before the sun rose, and the cold water was a welcome reprieve. “That’s a lot of balloons,” he said, peering down into the bucket.

Kravitz shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how good my aim would be.”

“Looked pretty good from here!” Lup hollered from across the parking lot. 

He smiled and looked down at the bucket as well, scratching the back of his neck. “Not sure what I’ll do with the rest of these now…”

Taako picked one up and tossed it experimentally in one hand. “Oh, I think I have an idea.”

Kravitz braced for impact against a point-blank attack, but Taako whirled around and hurled the balloon directly at Lup. She attempted to dodge but it hit her in the shoulder, making her yelp at the sudden cold.

“Oh, I’m gonna get you for that!” She sprinted towards Taako, and he took off running, zigzagging between the few cars still left in the lot. While Kravitz was distracted, Barry pushed past him and grabbed the bucket, taking a second to smash a balloon into Kravitz’s chest.

In a moment, they devolved into all-out water balloon warfare, with Kravitz and Taako allying themselves against the juggernaut of Lup’s chaos and Barry’s strategy. Both teams succeeded in stealing the bucket of ammunition several times, and the fight only ended once the last balloon collided with Barry’s back, leaving his jeans soaked.

“I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks,” Taako gasped, bracing his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

Kravitz grinned, still panting. “Me neither.” Behind them, Lup was chasing Barry around with her jacket, trying to wring it out over his head.

Taako straightened up and began squeezing some of the water out of his braid. “I don’t suppose you brought towels with you.”

Kravitz shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t think that far ahead.”

“Guess we’d better head home and change, then.”

He nodded. “Unless….”

Taako’s eyebrows went up. “Unless?”

Kravitz started wringing out a corner of his borrowed t-shirt, suddenly so engrossed in the task that he couldn’t meet Taako’s eyes. “Well, it’s just… I have dry clothes at my place. If you wanted to… you know….”

Despite his wet clothes, Taako suddenly felt too hot. “Oh! I mean, yeah! Let’s go… dry off.” 

He waved across the parking lot at Lup. “I’ll catch you guys later!” She wolf-whistled at him, and he flipped her the bird before climbing into the passenger seat of Kravitz’s car. He smiled at Kravitz as he climbed in, and Kravitz smiled back, a little nervously. 

“So, Krav, do you have any other tattoos?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Ooh, naughty! It’s a deal.”

[desiree-harding-fic]

A TAZ Cinderella AU

You guessed it, folks, this is the full arc of what my Cinderella!au would have been for the Adventure Zone, if I had the time/inspiration to write the whole thing. Just imagine that all of this is paced out over a bunch of chapters of very pretty words, ok? ;)

That said, enjoy! I’m actually very proud of the thing I concocted in my my head for this!

To begin, a quick run-down of the situation as it stands at the beginning of the fic: Mostly Taakitz-centric, Blupjeans as a side plot. Kravitz is the Crown Prince of Faerun, his mother the Raven Queen current ruler of the kingdom, and him as her only son. Taako and Lup’s parents are both dead, and they live with their mother’s father: their grandfather Tostaada, along with the many aunts and uncles and cousins from Tostaada’s other children. 

Tostaada has a house, several days travel (at least) from Neverwinter, a typical country home for the well-to-do. He’s somewhere between gentry and nobility, but his wealth has been in decline, as is often the case in these stories. His mistreatment of Taako and Lup comes from a disdain for their father. And it provides a convenient excuse not to pay servants.

Summary of the arc proper under the cut:

So we begin with a prologue (posted here) in which we see Kravitz and Taako, around the early teenage years (14-ish) and just get a little taste of how different their lives are. 

Chapter one (also here) kicks off with Kravitz sneaking out of the castle in the early morning for a ride, musing at how busy he is and how stressful his life is trying to be in charge of a whole kingdom, etc. Upon his return, Barry, the royal head arcanist, and Kravitz’s friend, is waiting for him, and informs him that he has a meeting scheduled this morning with the Royal Council.

The Royal Council was originally meant to be a B plot in the story, something to help drive the thing forward, in part because I couldn’t think of a reason as to why the Raven Queen, who adores her son, would force him into marriage. There had to be an outside pressure. So the council was born.

The council was created during the reign of Kravitz’s grandfather, as a way of giving the people a say and lessening the power of absolute monarchy in Faerun, which was falling out of fashion. That was the intent, but, as we find out in the first chapter, the council is now filled with noblemen who haven’t really got the people’s best interests in mind, at least in Kravitz’s humble opinion, and get a good deal of say over what he does. There was never anything enacted that would allow Kravitz to either disband the council or enact term limits, and now, if he were to put such a thing to a vote, it would never go through.

The original council consisted of: Lord Sterling (Artemis’s father), Jenkins, Gundren & Jack (both recently deceased at the opening of the story), Governor Kalen, and Davenport. I promise this will be relevant later.

So in our first chapter the Raven Queen pulls Kravitz aside after his meeting and tells him, over a very tense tea, that he is turning 25 in a couple of months, and the council, as well as foreign powers, are getting nervous that he has no martial prospects yet, and as the Raven Queen has no other relations to carry on the monarchy in Kravitz’s stead, they kind of need to get a move on. Having it so that the Royal line could die out any minute isn’t great for cultivating confidence in the people of your kingdom.

Kravitz is understandably upset, being the romantic that he is (I love him), and he wants nothing less than to be married as the result of some political power play. And yet, there is low probability, at least in his mind, that anyone that will be “suitable” according to his mother, the council, and the people both in Faerun and abroad, will be anyone that he will even remotely like. But what can he do? He agrees to begin the process of finding a spouse at this year’s Harvest Ball, which will coincide closely with his 25th birthday.

Barry is actually the one that gives Kravitz the idea of throwing the doors open to the whole of Faerun, and Kravitz, seeing it as an opportunity to meet men who aren’t stuffy nobles he hates, strikes a bargain with his mother: a masked ball, three nights long. Kravitz will not know (in theory) who is wealthy and powerful and who is not, and will be able to choose at his discretion someone that he would like to pursue. Shockingly, the Queen agrees.

*~*~*~*~*

SMASHCUT to Tostaada’s country home. We see Lup and Taako going about their morning routine, making breakfast for the family, lighting the fires in the hearth, generally working their asses off. Mid-breakfast, there’s a knock at the door, one that Taako goes to answer. (This is a no-no. He’s meant to be more of a behind-the-scenes servant, Lup being the one who is seen. She’s slightly more favored by Tostaada. Taako is hated. But Lup is in the middle of something, so...) It’s a letter from the Raven Queen, an invitation actually, to the family Taaco, to come to Neverwinter for the three-night Harvest Ball. 

The Queen’s intentions of finding her son a husband are not directly stated, but Tostaada is a shrewd, terrible old man, and it does not take him a moment to catch on. The family packs up, Taako and Lup and all, and heads to Neverwinter, the ball two weeks away.

While they’re packing, Lup pulls Taako aside and tells him her plan. They’ll be in Neverwinter for almost two weeks, ball included. And the whole kingdom will be swarming to the city for this, it will be more crowded than ever, and therefore will give them the perfect opportunity to run away from Tostaada. He’ll be so preoccupied he’ll never be able to track them down in the chaos of this event. Taako hesitates for just a second before he’s on board. They’ll run away mid-ball, when the family is gone, and by the time Tostaada realizes anything, it’ll be too late.

*~*~*~*~*

SMASHCUT back to Krav, chilling in the palace, it’s now two weeks before the ball (around the same time that Taako and co. get the letter, actually,) and preparations are well underway. During another busy day of overseeing some of the prep for the upcoming Massive Festival (TM), Kravitz runs across Captain Davenport, just returned from a long stint at sea.

They have a conversation about the state of affairs in the kingdom, Kravitz expressing his frustration at not only the ineptitude but corruption on the council, and his worries about this marital plan. He knows that Lord Sterling is going to throw his son Artemis at him relentlessly, but he hates the kid, and wants nothing to do with him, etc.

Davenport merely expresses that he has faith in Kravitz’s ability to turn it all around and make for a good king. That the recent loss of Gundren and Jack and the dragging on of the council replacing them doesn’t bode well, but that he needs to see the thing through.

He unfortunately agrees with the rest of the council, however, that Kravitz needs to be married, and soon. There’s only so long they can go dragging this out. Kravitz sees the sense in this and agrees, albeit reluctantly. At least he has the opportunity to find someone he actually likes.

Meanwhile, Taako, Lup, Tostaada and the family have arrived in Neverwinter and will be staying in a fine manor house in the upscale residential part of the city, and the family immediately sets out to find tailors and seamstresses who can get them all dressed up for the inevitable ball. The house is in shambles on the inside, the only way Tostaada could get it cheap, and Lup and Taako spend the afternoon trying to fix it up to live-able standards and clean it enough so that should the family be called upon, they’ll at least look respectable.

In the meantime, no one is home, and they begin to plan their escape.

They plan it for the third night of the ball. Tostaada will be furious if they leave sooner, being left with no servants to assist any upcoming nights. The third night, once the family leaves for the party, they’ll be in the clear. If Tostaada manages an advantageous match for any one of the cousins, he won’t bother with Taako and Lup anymore, and get better servants. It’s highly likely that in the next two weeks he’ll make several matches, so after the party is done they should be as safe as possible given their plan.

*~*~*~*~*

Everyone spends a week getting ready.

Istus, friend of the Raven Queen from a neighboring kingdom, arrives to the palace. She will be staying for the celebration, and for a while on either end. She and the Raven Queen have a conversation, in which the Raven Queen expresses her anxiety about the upcoming matchmaking process for her son. She does not want his marriage to end up like hers (loveless, purely political). She asks Istus if she will use some of her divination skills to look into the future. Istus agrees, and it is clear that she sees something very intriguing in Kravitz’s future. She does not say what it is, but she assures her Majesty not to worry.

The day of the ball arrives.

Now by some trick of fate, one of the cousins has received the wrong suit by accident, and Lup simply must go to the tailor and send it back, and retrieve the one he was supposed to receive at any cost. So Lup goes, and Taako doesn’t think much of it until she bursts back into the attic that evening, two garment bags in her hands. She says that there was a mistake, and that a noble man and woman didn’t pick up their garments for whatever reason; the week has been so chaotic anyway, and there was talk of them falling ill and being unable to attend the ball tonight, and the woman at the tailor shop felt so bad about the mistaken order she offered to alter them to fit Tostaada’s family for free, as a sort of “so sorry about the mistake” thing, and Lup said she would just take them, and isn’t it exciting Taako, we can use these and go to the ball tonight! 

Taako is reluctant to accept this plan, but Lup says they’ll only go one night, just to see the spectacle, and then they can be home for the other two and prepare to run away, and besides, they’re starting a new life and this will be a fun way to kick it off, and the outfits even come with masks, Taako, please?

Taako finally relents, and they spend the rest of the afternoon getting the cousins ready to go to the ball themselves, along with the aunts and uncles and Tostaada himself, who is in one of his moods. It’s awful, but they finally get a moment away, and they sneak up to the attic to pull out their garments...

And they get caught. Tostaada never comes upstairs, but he was calling for them, one of the cousins having forgotten a brooch or something, they weren’t answering, and when he comes upstairs and sees them, he takes the garments, drags the twins downstairs, and lets the cousins laugh at them until they’re in tears, and the family rip the dress and the suit to shreds.

The thought that they would even show themselves is so repulsive to Tostaada, and he gets angry at the presumption of it all, and he locks them downstairs in the kitchen for the duration of the evening, the door swinging shut behind him with a heavy clang.

Lup is furious, Taako more resigned, as the house quiets with the eventual departure of the family.

An hour passes with them sitting in the kitchen under the house, Lup cursing her luck. If not for her stupid idea to go, they wouldn’t be in here, locked in, and they could work on their preparations to leave two nights hence. But now they’re completely useless.

The latch on the door to the outside of the house, the small yard in the back with the meager kitchen garden, comes undone, and swings open of its own accord.

A woman is there. Or at least it looks like a woman; she is cloaked, head to toe, even her face obscured, but there’s a shimmer in the air around her that they recognize immediately as magic.

Taako and Lup have been learning magic, little by little. Taako stole a book from the village a little over a year ago, but it’s slow going, especially with Tostaada always trying to catch them doing something “indecent.”

They’ve never seen anything like this. 

The mysterious woman tells them she heard Lup’s frustrated shouting while walking by and wanted to see if they needed any help. Once they thank her for letting them out, she asks them why they haven’t decided to go to the ball; two young people like them at home on a night like this seems strange. Lup scoffs, says they thought about going for a moment, but they have nothing to wear.

Istus (for by now the reader surely knows it is Istus) cocks her head and says that that won’t do, will it? And raises her hands.

And in a moment their clothes are transformed, and Lup is dressed in a gorgeous gown in reds and golds, and feathered mask is on her face, and Taako’s in a finely made suit, his mask vaguely rodential. And the woman says that now they are well-suited for a ball. Taako and Lup are just gaping at her, but she shoos them along. Go, she says, and Taako feels a peculiar prickle up his spine when she tells them, when she tells him, it feels like, to amuse himself, to have a good time, to meet new people.

She warns them that while her magic is powerful, which is evident, it is sensitive to time. Wherever they are, at the stroke of midnight, the magic will fade, and their appearances will revert to what they were before.

Lup and Taako, wanting to go only for a few laughs and to spite Tostaada, say that this is more than enough time.

And they go.

When they arrive at the palace, it’s positively swarmed with people. They agree to meet by the front doors at a half hour before midnight, giving them plenty of time to get out without being seen.

And they go in.

They’re being jostled on all sides, and well, as much as they’d like to stick together it doesn’t really work out that way, and before he knows it, Taako is in the midst of a ballroom looking for Lup, and following the flow of the crowd - 

And suddenly he’s face-to-face (or, well, mask-to-mask) with a very handsomely dressed man with a skull for a face.

A skull mask, to be exact, all silver and gold filigree and done up with rubies and diamonds, and his suit is fine, dark velvet in rich blacks and deep, deep reds, and he bows and Taako does, too, because he feels as though it’s the thing to do, and when the man straightens up he and Taako trade the typical small-talk befitting a prince and his guest (because, Taako realizes, with as many people seem to be looking at them, that is surely who this must be), and Taako says something witty that makes Kravitz laugh which I will not write here, because this is a summary, which means all I have to do is say when the jokes happen; I don’t actually have to write them.

Long story short, Kravitz pulls off his mask, and he asks Taako to dance.

The anonymity Kravitz was hoping to be afforded by throwing a masked ball has not really panned out. Everyone can tell exactly which mask the prince is behind, and once the receiving line began to form, there was really nothing for it. He likes the Mongoose-masked stranger, though, and would very much like to know him better. And so what if he’s abandoning the rest of the line? He’s the prince, thank you very much, and he can do what he likes.

Taako is sold the moment the prince pulls his mask off, because the prince is hot, and Taako feels rather gorgeous himself, and maybe this is the first night in a while that he’s had any kind of serious fun and he’s feeling a bit reckless, so he pulls his mask off too and they have a dance.

Or two.

Or three, talking all the while.

After the third, the prince bows respectfully and says he must see to his other guests, but that he hopes to see Taako again, and Taako, maybe just a little flustered, wanders over to the food.

Meanwhile, Lup entered the ballroom, having gotten a bit lost on the way in, shortly after the fateful meeting itself and what does she see but her brother, unmasked, dancing with a man who is most unmistakably the prince.

Which is really just perfect, isn’t it?

She pouts for a minute because one beautiful elf will hardly draw any attention in this crowd, except Taako’s dancing with the crown prince, so every eye in the assembly is fixed upon him, and seeing an identical twin will definitely lead to some word getting around. So Lup is confined to remaining masked for the duration of the ball.

Which isn’t so bad, since she was expecting that, after all, but neither is she looking forward to it.

She skirts the edge of the ballroom, finds her way to some refreshment tables, and she’s lucky her mask leaves most of the bottom half of her face free as she nibbles on the hors d’oeuvres set out and generally enjoys the spectacle. She is propositioned to dance a few times but after the prince removes his mask a large portion of the assembly does as well, and Lup rather sticks out for keeping hers on.

She isn’t given much more attention, then, as all of the other people around seem to write off the mask as a wish to stay hidden and therefore ignored, and while they aren’t wrong, Lup isn’t enjoying the ball half as much as she thought.

And then things go from bad to worse.

Some moron completely knocks into her and sends her drink, a strong red wine, all down the front of her, granted, magical and temporary, but very nice dress.

Lup’s going to be mad, but the man is so sweet about it, stammering his apologies, and completely red in the face and, frankly, such a dork that she really can’t be mad, and he does about some ridiculous business about trying mop up the wine and it’s completely hopeless, and Lup is bored - 

So she tries casting prestidigitation on the stain.

And, somewhat to her surprise, it works.

This catches the man’s attention, who immediately straightens up and starts asking her questions about where she’s learned magic, and what other spells she knows, and what her name is. Lup, in a moment of impulse, introduces herself as Lady Lulu, which she cringes at immediately but sticks with. And the man is nice to talk to, and interesting, and apparently an expert in the arcane, which Lup is thrilled about. Out of all these people she ran into someone actually interesting.

At one point, she invites the man to dance, but he refuses, a bit awkwardly. He says he’s not very coordinated, but he wouldn’t mind taking a walk, if she wouldn’t mind either? Lup is going to say yes, but upon glancing at the clock, sees that it’s almost eleven-thirty, and tells him she has to go.

Taako, meanwhile, has danced with Kravitz twice more, and chatted a bit, and when he tries to extricate himself from his Highness’s presence Kravitz seems genuinely disappointed to see him go, and asks him if he’ll be back tomorrow night.

Taako, suddenly overcome with something that makes him want to make this man smile, says yes.

And then he goes to meet Lup at the front.

They head home, making their way through the streets which are not quite as crowded as the palace was, but are still significantly busy, as those who felt they would not be at home in the palace have taken to celebrating the harvest ball in the streets. Lup and Taako make it home unnoticed, and they chat a little bit about what they saw and what they did, and when Lup teases Taako about the prince, he’s unusually quiet. This worries Lup a bit, but she doesn’t press further.

Their clothes transform when they’re about 3/4 of the way home. When they arrive, they figure they have a few hours until the family gets home to begin making preparations for their escape. Around three, they shut themselves back up in the kitchen. Lup manages to find, from the outside, a way around the locked door that i haven’t decided on yet, because this is just a summary.

Wash, rinse, repeat. The twins are on their best behavior the next day as Tostaada and co. sleep through the morning, having been up late the night before, and while no one comes to call that afternoon, Tostaada still has high hopes for a match. Lup and Taako are locked in the kitchen, manage to get out -

And now, Taako has been nervous all day having promised the prince he would be back, and surprisingly, quite wanting to see him again. He’s pacing the floor when Istus arrives, transforms their clothes, and sends them off.

Lup is more than a little skeptical about this magic woman, but Taako wants to go, so she goes, and tries to put the bizarre-ness of it out of her mind.

Taako goes to the ball, meets up with Kravitz, and this time Kravitz doesn’t leave his side all night. Lup wanders around, still masked, until she runs into Barry again (not literally this time) and makes good on that walk in the gardens he asked her for last night. They both make it to the gates again by eleven-thirty, and make it home.

This night, however, something tips Tostaada off. Maybe it’s the way Taako moves, or maybe it’s his own paranoia, but something happens at the ball that makes him suspicious. I will not hash out what it is at this time because, again: Summary.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Istus, on the third night, gives Taako his most fabulous ensemble yet, a beautiful thing in deep blue and silver and gives him jewelry set in sapphires and, you guessed it, pink tourmaline (because I’m predictable). Including, most importantly, a pair of bracelets. As Lup is locking up the kitchen to go, Istus pulls Taako aside and hands him the bracelets, and tells him that they will not dissipate at midnight. She hints vaguely at Taako and Lup’s plans to go away after the ball is over, tells him to consider the bracelets a gift. They are two of a kind, she tells him, and perhaps they will fetch a price.

Taako does not know why this woman knows so much about their life, but he’s eager to get to the party, accepts the bracelets, and before he can ask her more, she’s gone.

They head out to the ball for the third time.

It is this night that we get the majority of the material between Taako and Kravitz. Kravitz, this time, is waiting right inside the door to the ballroom, and when Taako arrives he is immediately swept up by the prince into a dance. Although, after a few hours of dancing and eating and generally enjoying themselves in the ballroom, they take a walk in the gardens.

Meanwhile, it is at this time that we get the scene where Barry has been chatting Lup up, quite obliviously, and finally he asks her if she’d like to see his lab, unable to take it anymore, he’s so excited that someone’s interested in his work. Lup, of course, thinks it’s a come-on, as discussed here, but upon going up to Barry’s tower lab she realizes that he actually, genuinely was inviting her up to look at his research which is just... too cute.

Meanwhile, Taako and Kravitz are taking a stroll through the extensive terraced palace gardens, talking all the while and the both of them are just... enamored. Taako feels beautiful and important for the first time in a long time and it’s wonderful. Kravitz has found someone interesting and gorgeous and wonderful, and it’s just... too much. It’s hard to write in short form here that they’re in love, but they like... are. Just trust me. Not fully, because it’s only been a few meetings, a few nights, but there’s something there. There’s a pull that they haven’t felt before, and feels somehow beyond them.

They wander, and the gardens are beautiful, and the moonlight is beautiful, and they end up on a sort of terrace, secluded by trees, and the sea is down below them and they dance again, just the two of them, and then there’s kissing and it’s all very romantic, I promise. There’s a scene from it here.

Then the clock strikes midnight.

And Taako panics.

The time got away from him, he got distracted, and he tries to run, but Kravitz catches his hand and he’s begging Taako to stay but Taako can’t, because Kravitz doesn’t know what’s going on here.

He thinks fast. He unclasps one of the bracelets and places it in Kravitz’s hand and says so fast that if Kravitz wants to see him again he can look for him and Taako will have the other bracelet ok bye and then he runs. 

He barely makes it out of the palace in time.

But of course, by this time, Lup is not at the front gates. They planned out a fallback location, less conspicuous, if one of them got held up, and Taako is already late, and he gets there as fast as he can, and Lup is pissed.

(she’s mostly just worried).

She kind of goes at him for being late but Taako just says he lost track of time, and whatever that feeling is in his voice makes Lup back off. She’s never heard Taako sound like that before. She lets it go, but she’s more worried than before.

They make their way home, ready to pick up their packs and run like they were planning. But they open the door to the kitchen, and there’s a thud, and a candle lights, and Tostaada is there, the contents of their packs spread out before him, and absolute fury in his eyes.

It’s awful. After his suspicion, he saw Taako enter the ball tonight. And knew it was him. And he was furious. He came home, headed them off, and yells at them something fierce, locking them in separate closets to deal with them, because they can’t be trusted to be together, they’ll scheme. (Some of the cousins, by the way, are here for this, because fuck the cousins). 

They try desperately to break out. Banging on the door, trying to bust out the doorknob, to cast something on the door to unlock it, but they’ve been going three days only getting a couple hours of sleep a night. It finally hits them how exhausted they are. After a while, there’s nothing they can do.

Now you may say to yourself “this is awfully convenient.” And you would be right. But it’s also a fairytale, and this is a summary of a fairytale, so there.

Tostaada, because he fucking sucks, finds some way to separate the twins. Probably something along the lines of dragging Taako out of his “cell” and being like guess what I’ve always hated you and I’m a real bastard so you’re working for this shady caravan now, have a good time. Taako is Not Down to be separated from his sister but he’s also like hey fuck you to Tostaada and is going to dip from that caravan in about 30 seconds so he’s like yeah have a nice life, too, dickweed.

He slips away from the caravan in like... a day. Fuck those guys. He’s gonna go back and get Lup.

And just a bit later, Lup gets let out of the closet, and finds out that Taako’s gone. And she goes fucking berserk. She casts her first fireball (yes I know that’s now how it works in DnD but shhhhhhh it’s fine).

She burns Tostaada’s fucking dumbass city house to the ground. And Tostaada and the cousins are panicking but Lup is honestly like fuck the cousins, and she slips away in the chaos. Fuck Tostaada. Fuck the family. Lup’s going to go find her fucking brother.

*~*~*~*~*

We haven’t checked in on Kravitz in a hot minute, but he’s been completely smitten with Taako from the moment he met him, and has been saying as much to Mama Bird herself, the Raven Queen, who has been... a little less than stoked. She is skeptical because this isn’t going exactly as planned, and on top of that, Kravitz hasn’t even learned this man’s name. He’s an absolute enigma, and Raven worries not only that this man will potentially not be a good asset to the kingdom, but he also might not turn up and completely break Kravitz’s heart.

But Kravitz stands firm. The Queen said he could make his choice, well, he’s going to. He’s going to go after this guy.

...Or so he thinks. See, the Royal Council, as in all things, gets their say. And they’re not happy with this. Generally disapproving when Kravitz tries to make his own decisions, they say absolutely not to his wish to search for Taako. Raven tries to help by talking them down from letting them handle the search and keeping Kravitz in the capital to letting Kravitz go himself but only giving him a few months time. If he hasn’t found Taako by then, he’s going to have to call off the search altogether and look for another match.

It’s not good, but it’s something. Kravitz takes his bracelet and begins seeking out every elf in the land who even vaguely matches Taako’s description.

*~*~*~*~*

The elf in question is, at this point, on his own. Meeting up with your sister when you have no idea where she is and she has no idea where you are, and you’re running back and forth and missing each other, well. It’s difficult. 

It takes them a little while to get back together, and I’m sure there are plenty of minor trials and tribulations along the way. I won’t go into them all here, because this is a summary.

*~*~*~*~*

Kravitz is on the move, looking for Taako. He searches and searches and comes up with nothing. It’s been two months. It’s almost the height of winter. He’s running out of his allotted time for his search. And that’s when it happens.

He’s riding through this one town, a ways from the capital, when he sees, there, out of the corner of his eye, a flash of silver and blue and maybe some pink, and he turns his head, and there’s the bracelet. The one Taako gave him.

But it’s not on Taako’s wrist.

Kravitz calls for the guards travelling with him and they stop the woman and they question her as to where she got that bracelet. She says that she bought it off a travelling salesman, and seems rather embarrassed about it. She’s reluctant to give it up, having bought it fair and square, but Kravitz pays her, and gets it back.

Kravitz is, of course, heartbroken. Taako said he would have the other bracelet. He told Kravitz to look for him. He said to look for him. If he gave it up, if he sold it, does it mean he doesn’t want to see Kravitz again after all?

Kravitz wants answers for a minute. But then he listens to reason. Or so he thinks. Discouraged, he returns to the capital, as per Lord Sterling’s suggestion.

Many people and things are trying to keep these two apart. It is at this point that these forces begin to win.

So he goes home, in time for the first snow to cover Neverwinter.

*~*~*~*~*

What Taako and Lup are up to in the meantime:

It’s pretty close to canon in that they mostly hop from job to job, and caravan to caravan, taking odd jobs and cooking and making their way. And it’s hard. It’s really hard. But something about it is good. This is the first time they’ve had, maybe in their whole lives, to just be in charge of themselves. They’re deciding their own destiny now.

Lup can see that Taako is different. Something has changed. The news that the prince is looking for him isn’t a secret at all, so she keeps a careful eye on him for how he feels about that. She brings it up a few times that maybe they could come forward in their own way, maybe let people know that he’s out there, but Taako keeps shutting her down before she can really talk about it.

As for Taako, he’s more than thrilled to finally be free of Tostaada, and to have his sister back after a few months of absence. But the whole thing at the ball and with Kravitz is... weighing on his mind.

I should explain the bracelet fiasco.

See, Taako and Lup returned from the ball, and the whole thing with Tostaada went down. Of course, while he was deciding what to do with Taako he confiscated the bracelet, and sold it off a bit later for whatever he could get. This is how it was able to travel so far from where Taako actually is; the jewelry seller went one way, Taako another, and Tostaada and the family, when they finally left Neverwinter, a third.

This is all running through Taako’s mind of course. It would be nice for Kravitz to find him, sure, but Taako was the one who set up the system of verification through the bracelet. Without it, what credibility does he have? And sure, maybe Kravitz will recognize him, but what if he doesn’t? It was dark, and it was only a few nights, and - 

Anyway, Taako’s not going to worry about it. He’s fine, really, and it was only a few nights anyway, and what does he care about the dumb old prince. It’s not like Kravitz said he wanted to marry him. He just said he wanted to see him again. What the hell does that mean? And it’s not like Taako was the only one he spent time with at the ball.

Basically our sweet boy is snackin’ on a big slice of denial pie and it’s very sad.

Taako is saying that he doesn’t care whether he sees Kravitz again or not, but Lup can tell something is wrong. She suggests that they stick around in Faerun, work for the winter, and come spring, they’ll head out. They’ll hitch their way with the caravans, and work their way over the border. New country, new life. Leave all that Tostaada shit and everything behind.

Taako’s on board. They find themselves a job cooking and occasionally tending the bar at an inn, not a gross one but not the fanciest either. They’re going to work up some money, and they’re going to hit the road.

But back to Kravitz.

*~*~*~*~*

Kravitz is back home at the palace in Neverwinter. The first snow on the not-very-aptly named city makes traveling difficult. If Kravitz hadn’t already given up the dream of Taako, it would well and truly be impossible to find him now. No one in their right mind would send a search party out in the winter months.

So he’s essentially on house arrest.

And so begins the parade of potential partners. Everyone knows about the ball. Everyone knows now that the plan of having the prince find a partner there was a colossal failure. Every young and eligible nobleman in the capital who is even remotely interested in men gets thrown at this boy. Artemis Sterling most of all, a spoiled brat of a boy, who, when he’s not being absolutely appalling to people is boring them to death.

Kravitz is fucking miserable.

Does this make him think of Taako? Yes. Does he miss him? Absolutely. Does it only twist the knife of heartbreak in this boy who thought he had found someone good and then that person gave him up? 100 percent.

Kravitz is ready to jump off the cliffs out back the palace into the Stillwater Sea and swim to a new country when the word from Raven’s Roost comes.

Rebellion! Against Kalen, of all people! How could it be?

(Kravitz has hated Kalen for a while, but this certainly is a pickle).

Kalen is ousted, arrives in Neverwinter half-frozen and fuming, a few cronies on his tail, and chaos in the palace ensues. Who to believe? Kalen, who claims he has been unfairly attacked, or the people, claiming Kalen’s long-term abuse.

It all shakes out somehow. This is a summary, though, so I don’t have to say. Julia does something badass. Also she’s not dead. She and Magnus show up in the capital and there’s the whole them vs Kalen before the Raven Queen fiasco and finally she chooses the good people as the correct ones and Kalen is thrown in prison or banished or something lol idk.

And now there are... 3 positions on the royal council empty and it is essentially non-functioning. The kingdom is in governmental crisis. Magnus and Julia are at the palace. This whole rebellion/trial thing has taken most of the winter months.

Barry and Magnus become fast friends, which of course puts Magnus into Kravitz’s orbit more than the Kalen ordeal already has. And they begin talking. And at the prompting of Magnus and Julia being so in love, Taako of course comes up.

Magnus is all omg wow buddy that’s true love u gotta pursue that, and Kravitz is like ok but also consider he probably doesn’t even like me, and also it’s impossible, and also I can’t. To which Magnus says umm how do you know, and also bullshit, and also why not?

And why not indeed?

Well, Barry says, perhaps because the government is in shambles and to abandon everything now would almost certainly trigger all kinds of issues amongst the aristocracy, upon whom your hold is currently tenuous at best.

Kravitz says >:((

And then along comes Merle.

Merle comes moseying up the palace one day like hey guys how’s it goin’ I’m Merle, and the [PLACE WHERE GUNDREN WAS FROM] sent me here to be Gundren’s replacement on the Royal Council, after all I am his cousin, don’t’cha know, and sorry it took us so long, we had some issues to work through. He does not explain what these were, nor does he have to, for this is a summary.

Merle’s addition is a real gamechanger, because not only is he miraculously able to neutralize the more antagonistic personalities on the council (usually through saying something Kravitz can’t decide is crazy or profound), but also he’s a big advocate for let’s get things up and running again, starting with just replacing Kalen with one of these two nice people who Raven’s Roost seems to have elected to represent them.

Magnus goes “oh well I don’t know this is a lot of responsibility-” and before he’s even done talking Julia’s like “I’ll fuckin’ do it.”

This, of course, gets the council running, and, importantly to our plot, creates a majority of people who Want kravitz to Go After A Boy. They work on cleaning up the mess in Raven’s Roost, finally find a replacement for Jack (it’s Cassidy, also by election, which is a shiny new toy for these people) and they iron all of it out by the time Spring has sprung.

Kravitz says now can I go Find A Boy PLEEEAAAAASE I did the governing thing and everything. And most people’s reactions are omg I can’t believe you’re still talking about that but Fine. Take some friends. Kravitz takes Barry and Magnus and (mumble mumble some others idk like avi or someone don’t @ me) and is like BYE MY CONFIDENCE IS RESTORED AND I’M GONNA FIND A BOY.

*~*~*~*~*

So Spring Has Sprung. 

Which means Lup and Taako are back on the move. Continuing their slow journey out of Faerun, working on their way (it’s nice to have money saved up, they find, but it’s not A Lot, and they don’t want to totally deplete it.) They usually stop for a week in a town, do some odd jobs, travel, stop for a week. It’s nice. 

But they’re on the way OUT OF THE COUNTRY *cue dramatic music*

Will Kravitz Reach Them In Time? If he does, will Taako even Want To Go Back? All these questions and more exist at this point in the narrative.

*~*~*~*~*

Kravitz follows the lead of the bracelet. He does not stop for a week in towns. In fact, he’s pushing pretty hard. He tracks down the woman who points him to the seller who points him to Another travelling seller who points him to a jeweler in town who looks at the bracelet and says oh yeah, I got that from Old Man Tostaada, outside of town, he’s a proud type, but you should ask him.

Well. Kravitz certainly does.

In the nearly six months since Taako and Lup slunk and exploded out of his life, respectively, Tostaada has become an even crochetier, nastier, meaner old man than ever. He has no servants now. The cousins have to do chores, oh the horror. He’s propping his appearance of nobility up on pride alone. The house is in Shambles. It’s a whole Thing™️.

But one fateful springy day, one of the cousins looks out the window…

And Sees An Entire Royal-insignia’d Party Riding Up The Lane. 

And promptly Panics.

Well Kravitz and co are ushered into the house with all kinds of Ceremony, and Tostaada is acting very proud, and Kravitz says excuse me sir, I was wondering if you might remember being in possession of this bracelet.

This is Bad News to Tostaada. 

I may recall, sir, he says. 

There’s a terribly polite and tense conversation after that. Tostaada refuses to say where he got the bracelet, even to royalty, being as old and spiteful as he is, and Kravitz is just about to threaten him with something terrible when one of the cousins breaks, and spills the whole story tearfully, about Taako and Lup and how they were treated and where Tostaada got the bracelet and “we didn’t know you wanted it, we didn’t know it was important, we swear,” and the only thing that keeps Kravitz from Severely Punishing them is that he refuses to waste any time getting to Taako, who he’s very keen to find now. Tostaada has no idea where Taako and Lup are now, though, so he wasn’t helpful in that sense. Only now Kravitz knows that they’ve Been The Fuck Through It, and that Taako didn’t give up the bracelet of his own accord, and so it’s possible that The Boy Still Likes Him. 

And with renewed energy, off they go.

Tostaada gets stripped of whatever title he has left, or something, because FUCK him.

Kravitz and the gang are putting out the word that hey, we’re still looking for this elf, if anyone’s seen him, that would be great.

The thing is, this time, they’re getting leads, on account of Lup and Taako sticking around in places long enough to make a friend or two.

*~*~*~*~*

It’s later, and almost Summertime, baby, when Lup and Taako finally hear the news. 

The prince is still looking for Taako? Damn. Boy’s serious.

Lup watches Taako’s face carefully when they hear this news. They’re leaving town. They only have one more before they reach the border and slip away. Lup says hey. Are you sure you don’t wanna come forward and say something?

Taako’s like no of course we shouldn’t do that don’t be silly it’s FINE. (It’s not fine, Lup can tell, but she’s not gonna push. This is Taako’s decision to make. They’re gonna make a fresh start in a new place. It’ll be great. 

They start hiking to the next town, hobbit style. They make it out into ye woods and find a nice spot to settle down and camp. Make up a fire, get cozy, cook a little dinner, the whole shindig. They settle down to sleep. 

Taako wakes up. In the middle of the night. The full moon is shining brightly down into the clearing they’re sleeping in and the fire is no longer the softly smoldering embers it was when he fell asleep. It’s nice crackling along. And sitting there, tending it, is a lady. 

Lady is the only way to describe her. She’s in a gown of silvery thread with silvery hair tumbling down her back. She asks Taako if he’d like some tea. He can’t tell if the light in the clearing is from the moon, or the fire, or just from her. She speaks with a voice that just sounds so familiar, but that he doesn’t quite place. 

She hands Taako a cup of tea. It’s floral and fragrant and lovely. She asks him what he’s running from. He says she sounds awfully condescending talking like that, and if she knew what he’d been through she wouldn’t act like leaving it all behind was such a bad decision. She says she never said it was a bad decision, she just wonders how much he’s thought about it, is all. There’s a quiet moment, as she sips her tea. She says, quietly, that perhaps Taako ought to be careful, not to run too far too fast. 

And taako wakes up again. There’s a teacup sitting beside him. Empty. Clean. There’s no sign that there was any visitor in the night. 

To Lup, Taako is acting weird the next day. He seems jumpy. He seems distant. She keeps worrying they’re gonna get jumped on the road, from the way he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. He’s in his head, even more than usual. But they manage to arrive to the next town without incident. 

And Taako’s weird over the next few days. And Lup suggests on the fourth that they get a move on. There’s a caravan headed across the border tomorrow, we can go with them. 

Taako looks at the drink in his hand for a long moment, not there with her, and she’s about to ask again when he says “maybe just a few more days.” 

Taako doesn’t ask her for much. Taako seems very serious, and it’s kind of scaring Lup. But she agrees. A few more days is fine. Then they’ll go.

And a few days pass. And Taako’s weird. He keeps looking around corners like he’s expecting something to jump out from around them. He keeps looking down the street like he expects something to come barreling into town. But nothing ever seems to. 

Come on, Taako, Lup says, three days later, while Taako’s dropped over a cup of wine in the local inn. Tomorrow some more people are leaving, mid-afternoon, they said, let’s go. Just over those hills and we can start everything over, make a name for ourselves. What do you say?

And Taako agrees. 

They go to bed.

And, in the bright-mid morning the next day, Kravitz and the gang come riding into town, Raven Queen standard flying high over their heads, dressed in shining silver on black. Lup’s out on the street, collecting some last-minute supplies when she sees them. 

Holy shit, Lup says. 

She recognizes the Prince. She recognizes BARRY. And after her moment of gawking in surprise, the prince glances her way, and does a frankly comedic wide-eyed double take. 

She does, after all, have Taako’s face.

He hops off his horse and very politely comes over and introduces himself, and identifies her by name (he met her grandfather) and asks, very kindly, if she might know where he can find her brother.

Lup does some quick mental calculus and says “yeah, I can show you where he is.”

That scene can be found HERE. (I truly can’t shortly summarize this one better than I wrote it so yikes secret few thousand words nested in this already monstrous summary, I’m sorry but not really I am sorry that it switches tense like three times, I do not have the energy to correct it).

Needless to say, they are reunited.

But it’s a lot to put on someone, the entire “come home with me I think you’re the love of my life even though we kind of only know each other a little, also if you say yes you might be responsible for governing a whole people” so Taako needs some time to think.

Kravitz leaves him some. 

And then Taako and Lup have a long conversation, where Taako makes lots of excuses as to why he shouldn’t go with Kravitz, and Lup listens very patiently and nods and hums along, and then finally asks him if he thinks Kravitz will make him happy. 

This stumps Taako for a good long time, standing stock still, looking terrified, before he nods. 

Well, Lup says, I think you know what you need to do. 

And Taako goes, the evening, as it’s getting late (which is about when he and Lup finished hashing it all out and he got his courage up) to Kravitz’s room in the inn, and Kravitz’s guards let him in, and oh. Oh Kravitz looks lovely, standing there, dressed down, comfortable in his own space. And Kravitz gets up and looks at Taako with wide eyes and Taako says, “I thought about what you said.”

“Yes?” Kravitz says. He might be crying. Taako can’t tell. He looks terrified.

“I think…” Taako says. “I think I want to go with you.”

Kravitz becomes a human embodiment of heart eyes and says “really?”

And Taako says oh my god yes but you have to not be weird.

“I’m not being weird,” says Kravitz, still heart eyes-ing, “I’m so not weird. I’m so normal, see?”

And they KISS.

*~*~*~*~*

Everybody packs up the next morning to head on their merry way home. Kravitz is over the moon. Taako is, kind of, too, but is trying to be chill about it. Lup tells Barry as they leave that she was the one he was hanging with at the ball that one time, good to see him again, and Barry becomes human heart eyes for approximately four seconds before he reigns it in and he’s like oh cool nice to officially meet you, and the two of them spend the rest of the trip circling each other trying not to act in love because like there’s a lot going on and Taako needs lup and all, and Taako and Kravitz are very amused by this. 

Taako and Magnus become fast friends. And, he and Kravitz get time to properly get to know each other during all that travel together, and the scary thing is they fit better than they ever thought they would, they really do. Taako likes the boy more by the day. Kravitz is so smitten it’s revolting. 

When they get back to Neverwinter, there’s a fair bit of fanfare and the Raven Queen makes a big stink about Kravitz shirking his duties and being irresponsible and whatnot, but he can tell she’s secretly pleased. She comes to like Taako very much. 

And well… you know what’s next. After a bit, Taako and Kravitz get married.

*~*~*~*~*

EPILOGUE:

The marriage of King Kravitz to Prince Taako is known as one of the more fortuitous in the history of the nation.

Prince Taako, after his history as one of the working common folk of Faerun, went on to use his new seat on the royal council to champion reforms that changed the lives of working people everywhere. The laws he helped draft that established basic working condition requirements for those in domestic services helped launch a new era of equal pay and treatment for the working classes of Faerun, and a culling of the power of the wealthy. 

He helped establish a new nation-wide system of government, based on regional elections, and with King Kravitz, gradually placed more political power in the hands of the people. The minimum requirements for the royal council to balance the number of aristocratic members with those without titles stands to this day.

Prince Taako was known, also, for his aptitude for the arcane. Though never did he manage to surpass his sister and brother-in-law in his lifetime, he is revered as one of the more powerful and skilled mages in Faerun’s history. Though perhaps more famous is his legacy as a great instructor in the arcane sciences, known especially for training Grand Archmage Angus McDonald in his early years. 

Though perhaps chief among his achievements was his role in the war against the Hunger in the twenty-third year of King Kravitz’s reign. He was among those who formulated the plan to infiltrate the Hunger’s forces and carry out the assassination of John the Devourer. And when King Kravitz was injured in the final battle against the Hunger’s armies, it was Prince Taako who held the line, and was unmoved in the face of their power. For this, he became known during his reign as Prince Taako the Steadfast, though over the years his long-time connection with Lady Istus was cited as evidence to his improbable marriage and ascension to the throne being an act of Providence, and in many secret circles he was referred to as Prince Taako the Blessed.

Upon his abdication from the throne in the thirtieth year of his reign, Prince Taako and King Kravitz were succeeded by the former’s sister, Queen Lup and Prince Barold, whose daughter, Queen Lilliana, finally dissolved the monarchy in the twelfth year of her reign, thus ending the Faerun’s royal line forever, and ushering the world into a new era of peace and equality. 

From:  Faerun: A History by Lucretia Moreau, published 538 T.E.

*~*~*~*~*

BIG Thank you to @fandomsnstuff and @her-biness who helped me with this for a Long Time. The little cameo of the blupjeans baby belongs to @lillianabluejeans, and the last name from Lucretia is taken from one of my favorite fics, Bureau of Badass on ao3, by Chemicallywrit and miceenscene.

Bonus points will be given to those who notice the 500 references in here to various adaptations of the cinderella story :)

[starry--skies]

the nic ttrpg verse /hj

if not then taz balance

OK well you'll have to be more specific about the ttrpg verse babe jdjsjfk

Taz balance:

Blorbo: Lucretia and Lup are both pretty heavily tied here. I love them both and think about them a lot.

Scrunkly: Taako. Look at that man and tell me he's not at least a little bit feral. Also Kravitz.

Scrimblo bimblo: uh. That one is harder tbh. Probably Sloane?

Glup shitto: Angus Angus Angus Angus Ang

Poor little meow meow: Lucretia is kind of the obvious one but also the Wonderland twins. They're just straight up fun okay

Horse plinko: ...I mean. I have a character but it's not actually in the cast so. Probably Magnus, Taako/Lup, or Barry. They can fit so much angst in them don't at me

Eeby deeby: Lucas. Fuck that guy.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

fluff/relationship: 20, blupjeans? -peri

20. “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

--

Kravitz would never truly regret striking a deal to make Lup and Barry reapers, but damn, did he come closer sometimes. The Story and Song had rightfully painted them as textbook heroes: Resilient, strong, stubborn, with just a slight habit of recklessness and a yearning to learn all they could. Did those characteristics fit them? Yes. Did that mean they were good coworkers?

Well...

"I was gone for all of five minutes," Kravitz said, standing at the entrance to his sitting room with a platter of tea in his hands. Taako had recently taught him how to make tiny sandwiches, so there were some of those on the platter, too.

His couch had been overturned. Barry was sitting on the floor, resting against it, and reading a book he had gotten from gods know where. Lup was nowhere to be found, but the door to the hallway was open, so Kravitz had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

"Oh, hey," Barry said. He closed the book. The cover read DARK MAGICS AND ROMANCE: ONE IN THE SAME? "Sorry, I got bored."

"What happened to my couch?" Kravitz said, hurrying forward. He put the platter down on the coffee table. Barry took a tiny sandwich.

"Lup," he said and took a bite. "Ohhh, that hits the spot. Thanks, bud."

"Why?" Kravitz asked. Barry shrugged, taking his time to chew. Kravitz started to heave the couch back up. Barry took a sip of tea.

"She's a fan of snooping," Barry said. From somewhere down the hall, Lup's voice said,

"I heard that, babe!"

"You were supposed to!" Barry called back. He was smiling. "D'you want help with the couch or?"

"Just- stay here," Kravitz said, letting the couch fall back to how it was before. He huffed out a breath, leaning against it for a second. Then, he straightened up and said, "I'm gonna go find Lup."

He crept down the hallway, checking each and every room. His office was thankfully left alone, because he had remembered to lock it. The door to his bedroom wasn't open yet. The same could not be said about the bathroom, where he found Lup on the floor, sorting out cleaning supplies.

"You are a terrible house guest," Kravitz said.

"Why do you even need these?" Lup said, ignoring his statement entirely. "Like, do you shower? Or piss? 'Cus I'm pretty sure your dead-"

"I'm not dead-dead, I'm-"

"So you don't really need to do those things, right?" she continued. "I admire the skull aesthetic, though. I've got no idea how you got your hands on fantasy scrubbing bubbles with a fuckin' skull lid-" she held up the offending item. Kravitz decided to not share that it was a gift from the Raven Queen a few candle nights ago. "-But the concept is excellent, so I'll give you that.

"Can we just... go eat the sandwiches I made?" Kravitz asked. "Please?"

"Also, hey- hey Kravitz," Lup, who he was now sure was ignoring him just out of spite, laughed, standing up and snatching his toothbrush off the counter. "Is your toothbrush actually a bone or is it just made to look like that?"

"You're gonna make fun of me no matter what I say," Kravitz said, trying to take it from her. She held it out of his reach, laughing. "Lup, please-"

"Babe," Lup said loudly over his head. Kravitz groaned. "Come take a look at Krav's fuckin' toothbrush. You're gonna love it."

"Coming!" came Barry's voice.

"I wish someone else had saved the world," Kravitz said.

"Oh, you and me both, pal," Lup said. "Sorry, is your toilet bowl brush also shaped like a skull? This is like Barry's goth phase all over again."

"I like to think I'm still in my goth phase," Barry said, appearing at the bathroom door. Kravitz sat himself down on the toilet, head in his hands. He should have refused the idea of tea with them at all. He was dating Taako, he should have known better than this.

"Look!" Lup said, waving the toothbrush in Barry's face. Barry laughed, catching her hand to look closer. "He's such a fucking nerd, Barry."

"Well, uh, you're one to talk, babe," Barry said, smiling. "But that is kinda embarrassing, yeah. Krav, how old are you?"

"Either eat the sandwiches or go home!" Kravitz said, throwing his hands up. "What do you want from me!"

"Oh, you're stuck with us, bones," Lup said. "Bar, look at these scrubbing bubbles."

He did not regret having them as coworkers. Maybe if he said it enough times it'd be true.

[herbgerblin]

taako gets (very politely) kidnapped by the bird king p.2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Also now on Ao3!!

—

“Give us a moment,” Lup says, planting a leg between Taako and the King. She grabs the knob and very quickly slams the door before another word is spoken. In a fury, she grabs Taako by the shirt collar and hisses, “You have exactly ten seconds to explain to me what the fuck is going on before I call the cops.”

“You would never call the cops here and you know it,” Taako snaps back.

“Seven seconds.”

“Bird King. Wants me to marry him. Absolutely loaded.”

“What the hell, Taako?

Taako shrugs. “I don’t know? He just showed up! How do you think I’m supposed to react?”

“I don’t expect you to just leap out the door without a second thought for your own regard!”

“Did you miss the part about how I said he’s absolutely loaded? Look!” He holds up the gold coin still in his palm. “Just a handful of these could cover rent. Hell, we could buy a house! A big house!” 

Lup sighs and runs a hand over her forehead. “Okay, one: you are such a disaster gay. And two: that could be fool’s gold, Taako.”

“Already checked. Besides, fool’s gold has iron in it, and he’s very clearly fae.” He gestures at the door. “Also why would a king bother with fool’s anything? He magicked it out of the air. With birds, Lup! Birds!”

“Okay,” Lup sighs. “Let’s say I indulge your little romantic fantasy for a moment. Who’s to say he won’t make it disappear as soon as you’re gone? Hell, who’s to say he’s really the Bird King at all? He could be a wraith in disguise ready to devour your ass as soon as you get five feet away from the house!”

“Ha, vore!” Taako hisses, which earns him a kick in the leg.

“You know, I can still hear the both of you,” says the king’s muffled voice from outside the door.

Lup ignores him and lowers her tone. “I don’t care if some hot, well-dressed guy displaying untold magic has just shown up at our doorstep. I’m not letting you get dragged away like this!”

“I don’t see the point in arguing, Lup,” Taako whispers back. “I mean if he is the Bird King, I think he can do what he wants.”

“I don’t care if he’s the goddamn emperor penguin! He’s not kidnapping you to fulfill his dumb, royal purpose.”

“You’re just mad because you didn’t get picked to be the Bird Queen!”

“Enough of this,” says the voice beyond the door. Taako and Lup look up to see a flurry of feathers conjure forth just a few feet away from where they are both squished against the entrance. With a hail of wings and a screech of corvids, the man that was previously standing outside on the porch was now standing in the foyer of their own home. Crown, cape, bird and all.

“Hey!” Lup shouts, letting go of Taako’s shirt. Taako loses his balance and falls over with a yelp. “Aren’t you like, not supposed to be able to come into our home unless we invite you in or something?”

“I’m not a vampire,” Kravitz replies flatly. 

“He’s not a fucking vampire, Lup.” Taako says, picking himself up and patting down his disheveled hair.

“I do apologize for entering your home like this,” Kravitz says, with enough impatience to give his voice edge. “But we really should get going. It will be sunset in my kingdom soon, and I have duties to attend to.”

“Sorry about that, homie,” Taako says, shoving Lup with his arm. She grumbles at him. “Had to confer with the council before we get this show on the road.”

“Well then,” Kravitz says. “Forgive me for being...unfamiliar with your customs.” He looks so strange standing in the middle of their home. His clothes look new, hand crafted. But they also look a good century behind the modern tops and skinny jeans that Taako and Lup are wearing. Compared to their humble, mostly second hand furniture, the King looks like he would fit better in an art museum.

“It’s cool,” Taako says, putting a hand on Kravitz’s shoulder that doesn’t currently have a large black bird resting on it. “While my sister isn’t on this hype train, you can go ahead and mark cha’boy as being down.”

“That is excellent to hear,” Kravitz replies, seemingly brightening at that. Taako really had no idea what he’s in for, but that doesn’t seem to bother him much. Especially in regards to how pretty Kravitz’s smile is.

“Why him?” Lup asks. “Why are you choosing Taako?”

“Yeaaaahhh,” Taako says, removing his hand. “Hate to grind those gears, but Taako’s not too clear on this either.”

“You...don’t recall this?” Kravitz asks. He reaches into the inner folds of his jacket and pulls out a small envelope, yellowed due to time. The only unique signifier to it is the name written on the back: Taako, in big, swooping letters.

“Oh!” Taako yells. He slaps a hand to his forehead. “Shit. I forgot. I had entered the lottery.”

“You. Did. What?” Lup asks, eyes darting from the envelope to her brother.

“My kingdom’s royal selection lottery was established years ago,” Kravitz says, as if that’s enough of an explanation. “Taako’s entry was chosen over many hundreds.” He glances at Taako with confusion. “There were numerous correspondences sent proclaiming you as the selected consort. I had assumed you had seen them, but were keeping Taako away at my ire. Did you not receive them?”

“I…thought those were junk mail,” Taako mumbles. His face tinges with a warm blush. “I may have...put them in recycling?”

Kravitz looks over at Lup, and Lup shoots him a look that very clearly says, the man you’re trying to marry is an idiot.

“Well, l mean, you did eventually come in person,” Taako says, sweeping that info under the metaphorical rug. He looks Kravitz over once more. “And believe me, the gesture is appreciated.”

Kravitz nods in agreement. “I am not displeased by the choice.”

At that, Taako preens. Just the tiniest bit.

“Say I am fine with you two going,” Lup says, clearing her throat. “Which I am not. Would you be coming back?”

“Ideally, no,” Kravitz says, facing her. “Once Taako is crowned King Consort, he will be ruling perpetually by my side.”

“Excuse me?” Lup shouts.

“Goodbye taxes!” Taako says with delight. Then his expression abruptly shifts to something dour. “Wait, perpetually? As in: I’m not going to see Lup ever again?”

Kravitz nods. “My realm is, for lack of better words, adjacent to yours. Yet, it exists as its own reality.” He snaps his fingers again. The rift appears in their living room, once more sending their senses on edge. But this time, instead of formless color, they see a gorgeous castle, tall and black, cutting a silhouette against a warm, afternoon sky. In the distance is an endless cycling of birds in flight. Kravitz continues, “Less bound by the natural laws. The ascension to the royal throne would require some...shedding of mortal ties.”

“Now, wait a minute—” Taako says.

“Bullshit!” Lup interjects. “You can fuck right off with—” Taako slaps a hand over Lup’s mouth, though that doesn’t stop her from muffling a few more choice words. There is a sharp drop of temperature in the air and Taako winces. If there’s one thing he knows, it’s that rudeness is not tolerated in situations like these.

Kravitz says nothing, but his mouth is a thin line. The raven on his shoulder however, screeches loudly and angrily. The rift ripples like a disturbed lake.

“Hey, Krav,” Taako says, desperate to calm the conversation. “Can I call you Krav?”

“You may,” Krav says, tone flat.

“Listen, cha’boy’s definitely into the whole fantasy elopement thing. But I’m not going anywhere without my sister, and you can take that fact to the grave.” He takes his hand off Lup’s face and wraps his arms around her shoulders. “So I’ll come with you willingly, and prepare for the wedding, but my sister must attend me. That’s absolutely final.”

There is a very tense moment between the three of them—four, including the bird, who slowly stops screeching. No words are uttered for a solid minute.

Taako glances nervously at Lup, who narrows her eyes at him. Her hands are locked on his wrists.

“I will grant this request,” The King says, finally.

“Excellent!” Taako exclaims, almost too loud. He lets go of Lup. “Will I—should I pack up my stuff? I mean, I don’t know what’s the travel time? How many kilometers away is your kingdom? Will I need to get a storage unit?”

“All board, and amenities have been fully prepared for your chambers,” Kravitz assures. “Of course, some of the minor preparations will be awaiting our arrival. The menu, wardrobe fittings, portraiture—”

“You hear that Lup?” Taako says. “Couture threads and everything!”

“What a blast,” Lup replies, failing to hide the sarcasm.

“We will have to make additional lodging for your sister,” Kravitz adds, glancing at her. “But that will not be a problem.”

“Glad we’re clear on that,” Taako adds. “But we are keeping the gold that you so kindly left on the porch?”

“Of course, that is still yours.”

“Great!” Taako motions for Lup to stay by the door. “Lup, help me pick up all the shiny shit while our guest, uh, has a seat on the couch.” Taako grabs Kravitz’s hand and pulls him into the living room and onto the couch, pointedly ignoring the still open rift right by their coffee table. “Stay right here, babe. Just a few more minutes and we’ll go.” Kravitz eyes him with confusion. Lup grabs her purse from the kitchen counter and both twins turn the corner to go pick up the treasure from the front porch.

They both crouch down, Taako glancing hesitantly over his shoulder.

“If this goes sideways, this is all your fault,” Lup whispers.

“I’ll think of something,” Taako whispers back. They both stuff Lup’s purse with gold and jewelry. It all clinks together loudly, just enough to hide their murmurs.

“You said you’d marry him,” Lup says. “That’s a promise. You can’t break faerie promises!”

“I said I’d go and prepare to marry him,” Taako replies. “Everything after that is speculative.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Lup says, softly. Once all the coins are gathered, Taako takes a few of the necklaces and rings and throws them on for good measure. He also takes out the tie holding his hair back and lets the strands fall loosely around his face.

They both stand up and re-enter the house. Taako walks over to the king and grins.

“How do I look, Krav?” he asks, waving a jewel covered hand dramatically. The lamp light bounces off his necklace and glitters across his face. “Appropriately shiny?”

“Yes,” Kravitz says, leaning forward. He seems to take in Taako adorned in gold with a delighted interest. “Very much so.”

Lup makes a fake gagging noise. “C’mon, nerds. Let’s go.”

Taako takes Kravitz’s hand—while also holding onto Lup for good measure—and the Bird King leads them both through the rift.

And far, far away.

[comradelup]

Blupjeans and 8? :0

:0!! this kinda got a little away from me, but i don’t completely hate it! it’s shipswap au blupjeans though, aka lup is a reclaimer and barry is the spouse in the astral plane

<><><>

The Astral Plane is hauntingly gorgeous. The specific island Lup is standing on is big and round, surrounded on all sides by rainbow water and glowing lights. But she doesn’t care about any of it.

Because Barry is here. On the beach, playing piano as naturally as he draws breath. Or… drew breath. He’s dead, but now Lup is too. It’s been years— centuries— but now she’s on the same plane as him.

Her grip on Taako’s hand tightens and he squeezes back before letting go. He’s uncharacteristically solemn as he says, “Take your time.”

Lup nods, unable to take her eyes off of Barry, and she hears Taako portal out.

She starts walking before she really knows what she’s doing. Across the grey sand before she’s standing behind him, his back to her. He’s still wearing that shirt she always loved because it’s so soft. She’s still wearing his wedding ring on a chain around her neck.

“Hi,” she says. It definitely isn’t the most eloquent or appropriate thing to say, but she can’t think of anything else.

The melodies of the piano stop immediately. Barry is shocked into stillness for a moment before he turns and makes eye contact with her. Gods, she missed those eyes.

He nearly kicks over the bench he’s sitting on as he shoots into a hug. Lup holds him as tight as she can and revels in the feeling of his arms around her again. She buries her head in his shoulder and breathes him in.

“Oh gods, you’re here,” Barry’s saying, “W-we’re together again.”

“I missed you so much,” Lup says, tearing up. “I thought about you every single day, I wouldn’t let anyone forget you.”

“I missed you too. So much. Gods, let me…” He trails off, backing up just enough to see Lup’s face. He smiles, eyes wet, and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re still so b-beautiful.”

“I could say the same for you, handsome.” He doesn’t have any loose hair, but her hands trace his face all the same. The curve of his cheek, the little bit of stubble, the crinkles around his eyes, it’s all exactly how she remembers.

“I love you so much,” he says. She wipes away the tear that falls down his face.

“I love you too,” she says, “And I mean it: I told everyone about you. I— Gods you don’t even know half the story. My friends and I, we’re—”

“Space explorers? Apocalypse fighters?” Barry asks.

“Wh— how’d you know?”

“I heard the story,” he says, “It even reached here.”

Lup is still for a moment, then she laughs. Barry laughs too, pulling her impossibly closer and she can feel the rumble in his chest.

“I guess you do know half the story, then,” she says, head on his shoulder. Her arms are wrapped around his neck and his arms are looped around her waist.

“Only half of it?” Barry is slowly swaying back and forth, and Lup could be rocked to sleep standing up.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you all about it. But later…” She readjusts her grip and breathes in the smell of him again. It’d be creepy if Barry wasn’t doing it too. Weird how many of the little things you miss after you lose someone.

Barry hums in response, just holding her. That’s all she needs, really. She only got through her time as a reclaimer and the fight against the apocalypse because she knew she’d see him at the end of it all.

“I wish this moment could last forever…”

“Who says it can’t?” Barry says, and Lup backs up at that. Only enough to see his face, but still.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this whole time I was here I convinced The Grim Reaper herself to let me stay and w-wait for you.”

“You know Julia?”

“You… you know her too?”

“I told you there was another half to the story, babe.”

“Oh. Well, uh, I was thinking, I b-bet she could let us stay longer, if we asked. I mean, you’re— you did all of that and saved countless worlds, you could probably call in a favor.”

Lup chuckles. “I like the way you think, babe. But I’ll ask about all that later. Right now I just wanna… I dunno, I’ve missed being around you.”

Barry hums. Seems like he has too. Lup can’t stop herself from standing on her toes to close the distance between the two of them. They both immediately melt into the kiss, Lup shifting her hands to cradle Barry’s face. It’s been too long.

The kiss lasts longer than normal, because neither of them need to breathe anymore. But it ends eventually and Lup could come back to life just by seeing the look on Barry’s face.

Then she remembers something. “Oh! Almost forgot, hold on.” She reaches behind her head, undoing the clasp of her necklace. She takes it off and holds one end up so the ring on the chain falls off and into the palm of her hand.

“Is that…?”

Lup nods. “I went through hell to get it. I didn’t want to lose it. I, uh, I had already lost enough, you know?”

Barry looks sad at the fact, at Lup bringing up the elephant in the afterlife. Lup just lifts up his hand and slides the ring onto his finger, over the tan line.

“This reminds me of our wedding,” he mumbles.

“Yeah, Taako— my brother— he got so mad he missed it. He really wants to meet you, but didn’t want to until I could see you again.”

“Right, I heard about him in the story. Gods, you have a b-brother. I wanna meet him, I saw how important he is to you.”

“So are you,” Lup says, “I swear, you’d fit right in with all those goobers, they’d love you.” Sheepishly, she adds, “They kind of already do, I told them so much about you they might as well know you.”

Barry smiles. “You said he’s w-w-waiting to meet me? So he’s still alive?”

“Oh. No he’s a reaper too. There’s not just one, there’s tons. Taako and Kravitz work with Julia, they’re a team.”

Barry looks appropriately baffled. “You w-were right, I don’t know half the story.” Lup laughs, and Barry says, “Tell me the whole thing, from the b-beginning.”

[anistarrose]

Chapter Summary: Barry gets a job offer. Kravitz sees a new side of the moon. Taako has a long-overdue chat with his umbrella.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Lately, I’ve been thinking of this fic as a story told in two acts. They’re not necessarily going to be equal in length, but this chapter is definitely the end of Act One.

***

“That’s basically the whole story, Your Majesty,” Kravitz concluded, after several minutes of talking at speeds that no being who needed to breathe could hope to match. Barry and Noelle stood on either side of him, mustering the most innocent expressions he’d ever seen on the faces of a lich or a robot, respectively. “Not that I’d blame you for having follow-up questions, because… well, holy shit.”

Holy shit, indeed, the Raven Queen agreed. A projected image of her visage was floating above a circle of five perfect raven feathers, having been carefully arranged on the cave floor by Kravitz. Istus said we were approaching unprecedented times, but…

She sighed. Well, I must admit that with the apparent exception of Istus, we gods hardly think about what lies outside our planar system. It’s… inconvenient, uncomfortable, how we hold so much power in this world yet understand so little about what’s beyond it. This threat, this Hunger, is news even to me — but didn’t you already know that, Barry, from all the Celestial Planes you’ve seen invaded before?

Barry nodded. “Yeah. I never saw stuff like that directly, of course, but Merle’s a cleric, so… he had his ways of knowing it was never a pretty picture.”

The Raven Queen let out a sigh, like wind escaping from beneath a whole flock’s wings. Then I have more important things to do than reconcile your undeath with the laws of this world, and you have more important things to do than defend yourself to me. Barry, Noelle, you are free to go at least until the apocalypse is averted — but if we get through that, and only then, I’d like you to start thinking about accepting jobs in the Astral Plane. Whatever state the world is in after the Hunger arrives, Kravitz and I will probably need your help.

Barry went dead silent, while Noelle’s whole display lit up with excitement.

“Are we talking afterlife office jobs,” she asked, “or something more along the lines of what Kravitz does?”

“We’ve got plenty of open positions, honestly,” Kravitz explained. “You could probably pick either.”

“Huh,” Barry finally muttered, so soft that Kravitz could’ve missed it. “I — I appreciate the offer, but — I gotta know one thing before I even consider it. Will I have to — to bring in any of my family? Anyone from the Starblaster?”

I’d like to speak with them all eventually, and I may ask you to facilitate that, the Raven Queen replied, but they won’t be punished.

Barry nodded. “Okay. That’s… that’s something I’m willing to consider, then.”

I hope you find out what happened to Lup. Her location is concealed from even me, but I know she’s never entered my domain, so I believe you’ll find her out there somewhere.

Barry’s eyes flickered, shedding drops of light that ran down his face for a few seconds before they coalesced back together. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

It’s the least I could do. From here, my priority shall be to warn the rest of the pantheon, but we’ll be in touch. The Raven Queen’s visage disappeared with a clap of thunder and a gust of wind that lifted the feathers into the air, carrying them back to Kravitz’s waiting hands as her voice boomed throughout the cave one last time. Good luck, my children.

“That went well, right?” Noelle asked when the echoes faded. “That felt pretty good for a conversation with the death goddess.”

“She’s a lot more reasonable than most gods, I think you’ll find,” Kravitz concurred. “But what’s the plan now? Because other than heading up to the moon, and bringing the boys back down for you to tell them what little you can, I haven’t got a lot of ideas.”

“I dunno either. I don’t like keeping them in the dark either, but it’s very little we can tell them aside from —” Barry paused. “Wait. You can go on the moonbase?”

“Yes? At least, no one’s tried to stop me. I guess I can see why you wouldn’t be allowed up there, but —”

“It’s more than a ban and a wanted poster keeping me off! It’s an anti-undeath ward —” Electricity crackled inside Barry’s silhouette, and he let out a laugh that could’ve woken the not-yet-reanimated dead. “But you, Kravitz, apparently possess enough celestial energy to balance out the undead elements of your soul — which is perfect! It changes everything!”

“Uh,” Kravitz began, reflexively taking a step back, “I think I’m missing some context here —”

“That ward’s the only thing stopping Barry from sneaking onto the moonbase and stealing the ichor he needs to inoculate his family!” Noelle explained, totally unperturbed by Barry’s mad scientist laugh. “I couldn’t steal it for him because the same ward keeps me from leaving my fuse for very long, and this robot body’s not exactly stealthy — but you can decorporealize for as long as you want on the moon, right?”

“I’m not sure I’ve actually tried,” Kravitz replied, rubbing his chin as the puzzle pieces fell into place, “but I’ve never had issues getting through anti-undead wards before, corporeally or otherwise!”

Barry rubbed his hands together, smoke and sparks pouring out from between them — but for the first time, Kravitz was sure he saw a glint of a smile flash on Barry’s face.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Barry asked. “Let’s head back to my place and plan a heist!”

***

“So what do we do now, Fantasy Columbo?” Taako asked, staring at the Umbra Staff in his hands. “I didn’t hear any jingles start playing for solving some sick higher power’s umbrella lich puzzle — how does this help us? What does it change?”

This should have been a revelation, Taako knew. This should have changed everything. But his mind was lagging behind his racing heart, struggling to fit together puzzle pieces that he knew should connect. Struggling to understand why he cared so fiercely about an evil ghost of an evil wizard being trapped in the arcane focus he’d looted her corpse for.

“I… I guess we should try to communicate with her?” Angus suggested. “She’s a Red Robe, so she must have something to do with —” He gestured wildly from his notepad, to Taako’s head, to the incinerated coffee table. “With all of this. Right?”

He removed his glasses, wiping off drops of sweat, and Taako realized that Angus, the smartest person he knew, had ran into an uncomfortable mental wall of his own — and after just a split second of looking at Angus’s pained expression, Taako made a decision.

“Hey, kid. I need your arguably expert opinion real quick — Magnus and Merle aren’t smart enough to be memory-wiping masterminds, right?”

“Oh, absolutely not, sir. We both know they’re no good at keeping their lies straight.”

“Could you check in on them for me? And try to bring ‘em back here — but, uh, only if you can do it without Lucretia or Davenport spotting you, and I need you to really focus on looking out for them. I don’t know who else I can trust with this —”

With a huge, determined smile on his face, Angus saluted. “I won’t let you down, sir!” He looked far less pained as he slunk out of the room, and Taako breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Kid’s gonna be alright with his mind off of this, and now we can have some peace and quiet, Lup.” His mouth lingered on the name Lup but his mind didn’t, giving no thought to the affection he instinctively voiced. “So… let’s chat?”

***

Lucretia’s office looked just as Barry had described, and not all that different from the Reclaimer’s dorms in terms of architecture. The sole occupant was not the Director herself, but a mustached gnome man who sat at the oversized desk, focusing intently on a game of solitaire. He didn’t even look up as Kravitz’ soul drifted past, steering clear of the desk and floating right through a heavy, closed door.

Kravitz kept inside the left wall of the corridor — Barry may not have reported any traps in this stretch, but the puzzle that Barry had reported was nowhere to be seen, and Kravitz knew a suspiciously empty-looking hallway when he saw one. He phased through a second door at the end of the chamber, ignoring the computer that looked even more foreign to him than his Stone of Farspeech, and recorporealized inside a second office.

This close to the source of the ward, a spinning disk imbued with radiant energy, Kravitz could finally feel its influence — a faint burn and refreshing cold that coexisted, an antipathy towards his undead body and a resonance with the Raven Queen’s blessing. Tempted as he was to knock down the disk and short-circuit the ward, it wasn’t poised do much besides mildly distract him, and he was making this visit with a much different goal — one that he’d expose, if he ended up dramatically trashing someone else’s holy symbol.

At the far end of the office sat a murky tank, and above that tank, an alarm was ringing. A few feet to the alarm’s left, a needle punched holes in a steadily scrolling paper, recording what Kravitz inferred to be times and intensities — and there was a lot of information to infer from, because the paper output had not just reached the floor, but piled up to almost waist height.

A massive volume of alarms had clearly been accumulating, and someone — presumably Lucretia — was far too busy to check on every message. Ever since he’d died, Kravitz had been notoriously bad at keeping track of dates, but a quick comparison with the dates at the bottom of the pile and the dates of the current output revealed that the alarms had started trickling in last night, before a massive influx took shape only about an hour ago.

This was all very interesting to the part of Kravitz that loved a good mystery, but his pragmatic side won out, knowing this alarm could attract unwelcome attention at any moment. He switched his attention to the contents of the tank — which appeared just like Barry had said it would, but was still plenty fascinating. A jellyfish floated in murky ichor, illuminated from within by a dark purple nebula pattern, and recoiling away from Kravitz as he rested a hand atop the tank.

“Now, now. It’s alright,” Kravitz murmured, in the same tone he might use to calm a distressed soul. “No need to be scared…”

The baby Voidfish hummed two chords, far lower and louder than Kravitz had expected from such a tiny creature — but music, at least, was something Kravitz knew he could work with. He summoned his scythe in the form of a lute, plucking out a peaceful melody he’d been fond of for hundreds of years… and only a few bars in, the Voidfish began to echo him, humming along with increasing volume.

“I’m just here to do my friends a favor,” Kravitz promised. “It won’t take long at all.”

The Voidfish seemed to relax, so Kravitz let go of his lute, allowing it to float at his side with a faint blue aura suspending it in air. He pulled a canteen from beneath his cloak, slowly submerging it in the tank until it was full to the brim with ichor — probably a slight excess, but he’d rather have too much than not enough.

“See? All done,” he whispered, reattaching the canteen’s cap. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

The Voidfish hummed the refrain of his song once more as he reformed his scythe, and as if to say farewell, waved a tentacle in his direction as he stepped through the portal off the moonbase.

Just a moment later, the very second Kravitz’s feet hit solid subterranean ground, Barry was at his side with a barrage of questions. “How did it go? Have you got the ichor? Did anyone see you?”

“Good, yes, and no in that order,” Kravitz replied, handing Barry the canteen. “The only thing I’m worried about is… well, you’ve seen how Lucretia has an alarm system in her office, right? It’s going a little haywire right now — and has been since last night.”

Barry’s relief morphed into frustration mid-relieved sigh. “I was hoping we could avoid that, since the boys haven’t had a run-in with me in a couple days — but I guess someone’s still trying to remember something, and it won’t be long ‘til Lucretia picks up on it. We gotta get a move on.”

“I did talk to Taako about the stars disappearing last night, come to think of it,” Kravitz recalled. “I hope he’s not still hung up on that, but it sounds like he might be.”

“Shoot, that coulda done it. No fault of your own, obviously.” Barry sighed again, picking up a couple of scrolls from his desk and placing them on a much more neatly organized bookshelf. “Sorry for the mess, by the way. You and Noelle have been my only visitors so far this whole decade.”

Kravitz had seen Barry’s home before he left for his heist on the moon, and it had already been pretty respectable as secret lairs went. Aside from the stalactites and the dubiously legal cloning pod, it had looked more like a disheveled academic’s study than a necromancer’s dungeon — but in Kravitz’s absence, Barry had apparently gotten up to some spring cleaning. He’d draped a sheet over the pod, which was still glowing bright green and far from innocuous, and somehow gotten his hands on a decent-quality couch, either from a pocket dimension or a conjuration spell or gods knew what else.

“Before you got involved, my plan never involved the boys coming in here while they could remember me,” Barry admitted. “They’d still be far from seeing me at my worst, but — well, I dunno if I can make this place look welcoming, exactly, but I’d rather not make them worry about me ‘cause of it.”

“If it helps, this is easily the nicest cave I’ve ever seen a lich holed up in,” Kravitz said, which got a quiet laugh out of Barry.

“Yeah, I bet it is.” He opened the canteen, pouring a modest sample of the ichor into a glass vial. “Hard to believe this is happening so suddenly, but… I think now’s the time. Lucretia could catch on at any minute, and I — I’ll be ready by the time you get back, I think.”

“Good luck remodeling,” Kravitz told him with a nod, and tore open a portal back to the moon.

***

“So… let’s chat?” Taako suggested. He didn’t know what kind of reply he was expecting, but he had to admit it stung when the Umbra Staff didn’t move an inch.

“Okay, what you do isn’t exactly chatting. That one’s on me. Can you just give me a sign, a little poltergeisting or something, if you’re listening?”

Still nothing, which continued to hurt more than it should have.

“Are you mad at me? I thought you smacked me in the face today to get my attention! ‘Cause you wanted to talk, but…” He glanced away from the umbrella in his lap. “I guess you really hate Kravitz, don’t you? And I was helping him hunt you, even before we started dating…”

He sighed. “And you’re only here because I stole from your grave! What was I even thinking? Of course you hate me, and maybe I half-deserve it —”

The Umbra Staff twitched in his hands, subtly yet so abruptly that he jumped to his feet with a yelp and dropped it onto the floor. It spun over ninety degrees as it fell, landing to point at the shelf of seldom-used spell components that Taako and Merle shared.

“You… want me to cast something?” Taako knelt on the rug, gently wrapping a hand around the handle but not raising the umbrella from the floor. He didn’t feel even the slightest movement. “Hey, if you’re not mad at me, then… do something. Do anything.”

He thought the handle might’ve trembled slightly, but wasn’t sure — it could’ve just been wishful thinking. “Okay, flip side. Do something if you are mad at me.”

This time, he was certain there was no response. “Okay, I’ve narrowed it down to either ‘you’re not mad’ or ‘you don’t want to talk to me,’ but I don’t get why you’re being so subtle about this. I mean, I’m not asking you to cast Sunbeam on my boyfriend again, but I know you could be giving me more obvious signs than —”

He happened to glace back at the component shelf, noticing the chest of spare wands he’d stockpiled — arcane foci, just like the ones the Umbra Staff consumed — then just like that, it clicked, and there was finally one quirk of his rogue umbrella that Taako had an inkling of an explanation for.

“Unless… you can’t give me a bigger sign because I haven’t beaten a magic user in a while!” he gasped. “You’re not trying to ignore me — you’re running out of power!”

He unlatched the little chest, grabbing two cheap wooden wands and snapping them both — and sure enough, the Umbra Staff inverted with more vigor than Taako had seen from it all day, swallowing them whole.

“Better?” Taako asked, and a tiny pink flame sparked to life at the tip of the umbrella. Lup must’ve summoned it with a variant of Prestidigitation, because it smelled less like smoke and more like comforting home cooking.

“Now I know why you chose me instead of Merle at the cave! You’re an adoring fan of Sizzle it Up!” Taako teased, and the Umbra Staff bonked him on the head. “Okay, fine, maybe not. Gods know that’s not the only thing I’ve got going for me over Merle.”

He glanced around the room, rubbing his chin. “I was going to say you could turn that flame on and off real fast, send me a message in Fantasy Morse Code, but then I remembered I don’t actually know Fantasy Morse that well. Maybe you could, like, burn something into the wall —”

The flame atop the Umbra Staff intensified, excited.

“But I guess we’d run out of space real fast — never mind explaining it to Lucretia, yikes! We’d be toast… just like the walls.”

The flame died down, replaced with a disembodied, glowing red Mage Hand. With an upturned palm, it made a motion that Taako guessed was meant to convey a shrug and a then what?

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you could do Mage Hand from in there too! I can work with that!”

He made a beeline for the dorm kitchen, ripping open a fresh bag of flour and dumping it directly onto the counter. “I really don’t wanna leave written evidence, so you write stuff in this, and I’ll erase it when you’re done. Sound good?”

Lup squeezed his shoulder, then traced four words in the flour.

I’ve never hated you

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Taako muttered, pretending he couldn’t feel his whole chest seizing up. With a bare hand, he wiped the flour flat, and only sent a little flying onto the floor accidentally. “I… I wanna let you out. Because this is a really inconvenient way to talk, but — but also ‘cause I know you didn’t mean to get trapped in there, and living inside your arcane focus sounds like it’s the pits. Is there a way I can free you?”

yes but not right now

“Why not?”

no liches on the moon

“Oh, have they got wards to block you off or something? I guess we wouldn’t be able to talk at all if I freed you, and that… that wouldn’t be great.”

I’d miss you :(

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Taako replied, and he said it before he meant it. The figure of speech slipped out right away, ingrained after years of overwhelmingly insincere conversations, but his emotions caught up to him more slowly — starting with the loneliness and the longing, before they ate away at him and left an emptiness behind, a dread of never being whole again and a temptation to tear the whole world apart, because what would he have left to lose?

It ended with a throbbing skull, with static clouding the peripheries of his vision, with a mind that couldn’t fathom why missing someone would hit so close to a home that should have never existed. The last year notwithstanding, he couldn’t remember a time where he’d be caught dead missing someone’s company… but now all he could think, all he could feel, was I’m not losing you again.

“There’s gotta be a workaround — right, Lup?” he managed. “Like, is there a way I could take the wards down?”

maybe, but

Lucretia would notice

“I’m gonna go out on a limb, and assume… she wouldn’t be too thrilled to know you’re here.”

Lup took longer to reply than usual, erasing the first few letters of her response to start over several times.

it’s so complicated

don’t think I can explain

“Right. Of course. ‘Cause of the Voidfish.” Taako rubbed his cheek, expecting to wipe away stray splotches of flour — but instead, he felt his fingers grow damp with tears that he knew weren’t just from the pain of his headache.

“I — I don’t know what to do, Lup. I want to help you, but Kravitz is probably in danger because of me so I have to make sure he’s okay, and I know he won’t like me helping you — then there’s Angus and Magnus and Merle, too, I have no clue if any of them are in as much trouble as us. And I just… I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to this. That the worst of all the bombshells still hasn’t dropped, and I’m about to lose all you while I still don’t know who I am, or who I can trust besides —”

The fingers of Lup’s Mage Hand interlocked with his, and it was a strange sensation — fuzzy and only about half-tangible, as simple magic constructs were expected to be, but warm like a living hand despite the lack of flesh and blood. Taako couldn’t say how long he was silent, just focusing on just that warmth and the inexplicable nostalgia that accompanied it, before he finally asked: “What do you think I should do?”

Lup withdrew her hand slowly, but didn’t hesitate nor erase as she traced four new words:

find Barry

trust Barry

“…I’m glad I’ve got you, Lup, ‘cause I never woulda come up with that on my own,” Taako muttered, chuckling in spite of himself. He didn’t doubt for a second that Lup’s advice was worth following, but he had to admit it was ridiculous how every time a problem came up in his life, someone insisted it could be solved by tracking down a denim-clad lich. “Do you know any of his favorite hangouts, or —”

As Lup’s Mage Hand zipped back into the Umbra Staff, Taako didn’t quite notice the scythe rending space behind him, but he whirled around at the sound of feet hitting the ground and an incredulous voice speaking up.

“Uh, Taako?”

Kravitz carried himself with considerably less poise than usual, wearing a tattered suit that had presumably once seen better days, but he appeared otherwise unscathed, and Taako’s heart jumped for joy.

“I — I — I’m sorry?” Kravitz’s words sounded less like an apology, and more like a sincere question of whether or not he should be sorry for intruding. “I should’ve just portalled to the hallway and knocked. I didn’t mean to walk in on — on whatever this is —”

Before he could stammer another adorably confused word, Taako rushed in for a hug — never mind how crazy he knew he looked, covered in flour and inexplicably teary-eyed over an umbrella.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe — I was so worried about you. I thought for sure you were in trouble and it was all my fault — it was all because —”

Kravitz slipped a cool, but unusually not cold hand under Taako’s hat, mussing up his hair to match the rest of his appearance. “I won’t lie, Taako — there were moments today where I was worried for me. But it turned out to all be a misunderstanding, which is always a pleasant surprise in my line of work — and even better, if you can believe it, one of my new friends knows what’s up with those deaths you can’t remember!”

Kravitz was beaming, but Taako’s blood ran cold like he was the dead man walking. Just when he’d been so sure, so relieved, that he hadn’t dragged Kravitz into the Voidfish conspiracy after all, it turned out that Kravitz had sleuthed his way right to its very center.

No wonder he gets along so well with Angus, Taako thought wryly. Two constantly endangered nerds of a feather.

“This friend can explain it much better than I can, so we’ll visit him by portal — but Magnus and Merle need to hear the truth, too,” Kravitz went on, still seeing no reason not to be enthusiastic. “Are they available?”

“Oh, those clowns? They’re off playing kickball with Angus or something — should be back soon.” Taako knew how Kravitz thought, and knew that Kravitz believed he was doing the right thing by digging up these secrets. He was fulfilling an oath to his goddess and helping Taako get some closure, which should have been great news as far as Kravitz knew — but now he was on the moon, speaking openly about truths a Voidfish had suppressed…

And Taako was conspiring with a lich, soon to be two liches, behind Kravitz’s back. He wasn’t expecting to like the truth behind his eight deaths, if he could even wrap his mind around it — and he had a feeling that when it came time to be judged by the Raven Queen, Kravitz would like the truth and its consequences even less, regardless of whether Taako could think clearly enough to defend himself.

So he withdrew from the hug, wiping the flour — and the incriminating mention of Barry — off the counter with a swoop of his hand. “Oh, drat! Did not mean to do that, ‘cause now I’ll have to mop the whole floor —”

“Okay, Taako. What’s wrong?” Kravitz asked firmly — and Taako didn’t know why he’d thought he’d be able to stall for time, given how Kravitz knew him pretty well, too. “You’re not in trouble with the Queen — I mean, we’ll probably have to invent and then fill out an entirely new form of paperwork about you and your pals, but I told her everything and she’s not mad, I can say that much. Same goes for Magnus, Merle, and — uh, forgive me, just Magnus and Merle. It’s been a long day.”

“Okay, that’s the second piece of good bird news you’ve dropped on me in like twenty-four hours, and I appreciate that,” Taako sighed. “But — okay, listen. We’ve got to be quiet about this, for both of our safety, but I think — I know I’m dealing with more than just memory loss here. I’ll try jumping through your portal and talking to your friend, but I really don’t think I’ll be able to understand —”

“Oh!” Kravitz gasped. “I think I know what you’re talking about — I ran into it with Angus earlier, and we should definitely have a way around it.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “My, uh, my new friend didn’t know if you could understand that there was a second Voidfish — but you heard that, right? It wasn’t garbled?”

Taako nodded frantically. “Yeah, and we’ve gotta get off the moon. If Lucretia finds out we know, I — I’ve got no idea how far she’ll go to keep this under wraps, and that’s the worst part. She’s already suspicious of me, and I —”

He felt a tug from his umbrella, and he cast Message as quickly and subtly as he could, hoping the Umbra Staff’s propensity to absorb magic like a sinkhole would somehow pull his unspoken words to Lup.

I’m not going to tell him about you. Not until I get more information.

Her reply must’ve hardly escaped from the umbrella, being little more than a distorted whisper — Be careful. Love you — but Taako’s legs almost gave out beneath him when he heard her voice, and Kravitz winced.

“We’ve really got to get you out of here, don’t we?” he murmured, taking Taako’s hand — and Kravitz’s skin was definitely warmer than usual, because of course this frankly adorable development would happen when Taako had a million other things on his mind. “You said the other boys will be back soon?”

“I hope.” Taako led the way into the living room, giving a wide berth to the remains of the coffee table. “I sent Angus to go find —”

On cue, the rattle of a doorknob and the sound of Angus’s voice rang out from the hallway. “Sir? We’re back! Could you unlock the door?”

The next sound was the telltale thump of a small child being affectionately shoved aside, followed by Magnus exclaiming: “Hey, I’ve got thieves’ tools now! Gimme a shot at picking it!”

Kravitz pursed his lips. “Don’t Magnus and Merle have their own keys?” he muttered under his breath.

“Of course they do,” Taako sighed, and the door swung open with a snap of his fingers and a Knock spell.

“Magnus, look!” Merle cheered. “You did it!”

While Magnus and Merle high-fived, Angus’s eyes lit up at the sight of Kravitz half-alive and well.

“You’re okay! I’m sorry I didn’t end up finding Noelle, but Taako said he was worried about you, so I started worrying too — did you have a nasty fight with a necromancer or something?”

“…Yes and no,” Kravitz responded after a moment of hesitation, “but I can explain that whole incident later. Right now, I need you all to come with me to —”

“A cool skeleton rave!” Taako butted in. “And… there’s also supposed to be skeleton dogs there! So you guys will definitely wanna get in on it!”

“Yes, exactly!” Kravitz corroborated without missing a beat. “It’s one of those, you know, very rare skeleton raves that receives the Raven Queen’s approval. Once in a century opportunity, so you won’t want to miss it!”

Magnus rubbed his chin. “I dunno about this. How do you pet a skeleton dog?”

“Only one way to find out!” Taako told him, then breathed a sigh of relief when it got an approving nod from Magnus.

“Fair enough! I’m sold!”

Angus narrowed his eyes, so Taako grinned and winked, hoping it came across as equal parts conspiratorial and don’t you dare blow this for me. It must’ve worked, because after a few seconds of surely intense mental calculations, Angus plastered on a convincing innocent smile and gave Taako a thumbs-up.

“Thanks for inviting me on this fun diversion, sir! I’m sure you could’ve come up with a more convincing lie if it was a trap or a prank, so I’m all in!”

Smiling awkwardly, Kravitz turned to the the lie’s final mark. “Merle, my bud, how about you?”

“Are we buds now?” Merle grinned. “You know what, sure! Anything for my bud!”

“Then away we go!” Kravitz tore open a rift and immediately stepped through, beckoning for the others to follow with the single arm that remained on their side of the portal. Magnus leapt through almost immediately, Merle hot on his heels, while Angus approached the rift more skeptically.

“Well, sir,” he announced softly once Magnus and Merle disappeared, “you and Kravitz owe me an explanation… but I trust the both of you.” He took Taako’s hand, and the two of them stepped through the portal together, emerging in a cold, dimly lit cave.

And Taako thought he’d been “moving fast” through a lot of things, lately — through worldview-shattering realizations, into a romantic relationship, into unofficially and semi-accidentally adopting a boy detective — but nothing could’ve prepared him for how fast everything moved in the next minute.

Kravitz faced Noelle and a now-familiar disembodied robe, very obviously struggling to suppress a mood-inappropriate laugh. “Can you believe I was planning to lie to Magnus about skeleton dogs, but then Taako interrupted and independently came up with the same fib?”

“That’s love, baby!” Taako exclaimed, in the moment before the absurdity of the situation dawned on him. “Wait. Why’s Barold here?”

As the rift fizzled and disappeared, Magnus drew Railsplitter, only to whirl around on himself with no idea who to aim at or threaten. “Hey, did we just get kidnapped? ‘Cause I’ve gotta say, this is the last combination of people in the world I expected to team up and kidnap us.”

“It’s not a kidnapping,” Kravitz began, “it’s just —”

“Did you kidnap a child, Kravitz?” Barry interrupted, gesturing at Angus. “When was that ever a part of the plan?! We didn’t need to involve —”

“With all due respect, Mister Bluejeans,” Angus butted in, “Kravitz didn’t technically kidnap me! I knew perfectly well that he was bullshitting, but I decided to come along with him anyway, out of my own free will!” He turned to face Kravitz, adjusting his glasses. “That said, he did deceive and therefore truly kidnap Magnus, Merle, and maybe even Taako by the sound of things — so if he could go ahead and explain his presumably very good reason for doing so, that would be just dandy!”

Barry sighed. “Real smartass kid you’ve dragged into the fate of the universe, huh, boys?”

“He was already involved enough in things that he deserves to know. We’re bringing him up to speed too,” Kravitz declared, and Barry shrugged.

“Alright, sure — but why the hell was there a child on the moon in the first place?!”

“He’s the world’s greatest detective,” Noelle spoke up, and Angus beamed. “I told you about him, remember? He’s the one who figured out that you were amnesiac when you were alive —”

“Oh, I do remember that, though I don’t remember you mentioning his age — so I guess it’s my bad, then, for assuming a secret lunar society would give a flying fuck about child labor laws!”

Kravitz ignored them both. “Merle, Magnus — I’m so sorry for the deception, and Taako, I’m sorry for not saying that Barry was my new contact. I didn’t want anyone eavesdropping on us on the moonbase, and I swear, I will explain myself as soon as I physically can —”

“Hey, hey, it’s cool!” Taako’s words were intended not just for Kravitz, but for Lup within the Umbra Staff, which had started trembling at the sound of Barry’s voice. “I would love an explanation, but I needed Barold’s help anyway, sooo… doesn’t this work out pretty great?”

“Needing Barry’s help is a new one, sir,” Angus commented, but no one in the room looked more incredulous than Kravitz and Barry themselves, who both froze in place.

“Um, that’s — that’s news to me too?” Barry stammered. “But if — if you don’t need any convincing, then…”

He floated a little taller, robe a little less ragged, voice a little more hopeful. “Let’s get you inoculated, bud.”

A glass vial appeared in Taako’s hand, and he sipped the dark liquid inside without a second thought, even though he gagged while passing the vial on to an apprehensive Magnus. No memories rushed back to him like he’d braced himself for, but he thought he felt the nature of his headache change — less like the roar of static, and more like the pressure on a dam about to burst.

“You should really sit down for this,” Barry told him, resting a cold hand on Taako’s shoulder. “Take it as slow as possible. You obviously figured out a lot, more than I thought you would, but you still won’t be ready for —”

“Relax, it hasn’t even hit me yet!” Taako interrupted. “So in the meantime, I can catch you up on this whole funny story about… my… umbrella…”

The metaphorical floodgates shattered, and the deluge of memories swept him off his feet.

Growing up bouncing between relative to relative, growing skilled as chefs and wizards on the road. The IPRE entrance exams, the best day ever, the Hanging Arcaneum, “back soon” —

His head burned as the static was expunged from his mind, displaced by visions of days and months and cycles that just kept hitting him. He was dimly aware of someone, two someones, clutching his arms and lowering him to his knees on the cool cave floor —

“Stay with us, Taako!” Kravitz pleaded, holding Taako’s left hand. “Listen to Barry —”

“I’ll walk you through everything,” Barry — the animal kingdom, learning to swim, “what if she’s just gone?” — promised from his right, clinging to the same arm with which Taako held the Umbra Staff. “Just don’t think ahead. I’ve been through this before, and I can get you through it now, as long as —”

“B-but — but Lup!” Taako cried. “How could I forget —”

“I know, bud,” Barry whispered. “I forgot too. I understand —”

“You fucking don’t understand!” Tears fell from his eyes, but his mouth twisted into a cautious, still half-disbelieving smile. “Barry, she’s right here!”

“What?!” The cave was plunged into red and black, blinding lights and impenetrable shadows, as the lich at its center seemed to fall apart and come together all at once. “WHERE?!”

Taako closed his eyes, and with a strength he didn’t know he had, snapped the Umbra Staff over his knee.