#:3!!! birb king kavitz

[herbgerblin]

taako gets (very politely) kidnapped by the bird king p.2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Also now on Ao3!!

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“Give us a moment,” Lup says, planting a leg between Taako and the King. She grabs the knob and very quickly slams the door before another word is spoken. In a fury, she grabs Taako by the shirt collar and hisses, “You have exactly ten seconds to explain to me what the fuck is going on before I call the cops.”

“You would never call the cops here and you know it,” Taako snaps back.

“Seven seconds.”

“Bird King. Wants me to marry him. Absolutely loaded.”

“What the hell, Taako?

Taako shrugs. “I don’t know? He just showed up! How do you think I’m supposed to react?”

“I don’t expect you to just leap out the door without a second thought for your own regard!”

“Did you miss the part about how I said he’s absolutely loaded? Look!” He holds up the gold coin still in his palm. “Just a handful of these could cover rent. Hell, we could buy a house! A big house!” 

Lup sighs and runs a hand over her forehead. “Okay, one: you are such a disaster gay. And two: that could be fool’s gold, Taako.”

“Already checked. Besides, fool’s gold has iron in it, and he’s very clearly fae.” He gestures at the door. “Also why would a king bother with fool’s anything? He magicked it out of the air. With birds, Lup! Birds!”

“Okay,” Lup sighs. “Let’s say I indulge your little romantic fantasy for a moment. Who’s to say he won’t make it disappear as soon as you’re gone? Hell, who’s to say he’s really the Bird King at all? He could be a wraith in disguise ready to devour your ass as soon as you get five feet away from the house!”

“Ha, vore!” Taako hisses, which earns him a kick in the leg.

“You know, I can still hear the both of you,” says the king’s muffled voice from outside the door.

Lup ignores him and lowers her tone. “I don’t care if some hot, well-dressed guy displaying untold magic has just shown up at our doorstep. I’m not letting you get dragged away like this!”

“I don’t see the point in arguing, Lup,” Taako whispers back. “I mean if he is the Bird King, I think he can do what he wants.”

“I don’t care if he’s the goddamn emperor penguin! He’s not kidnapping you to fulfill his dumb, royal purpose.”

“You’re just mad because you didn’t get picked to be the Bird Queen!”

“Enough of this,” says the voice beyond the door. Taako and Lup look up to see a flurry of feathers conjure forth just a few feet away from where they are both squished against the entrance. With a hail of wings and a screech of corvids, the man that was previously standing outside on the porch was now standing in the foyer of their own home. Crown, cape, bird and all.

“Hey!” Lup shouts, letting go of Taako’s shirt. Taako loses his balance and falls over with a yelp. “Aren’t you like, not supposed to be able to come into our home unless we invite you in or something?”

“I’m not a vampire,” Kravitz replies flatly. 

“He’s not a fucking vampire, Lup.” Taako says, picking himself up and patting down his disheveled hair.

“I do apologize for entering your home like this,” Kravitz says, with enough impatience to give his voice edge. “But we really should get going. It will be sunset in my kingdom soon, and I have duties to attend to.”

“Sorry about that, homie,” Taako says, shoving Lup with his arm. She grumbles at him. “Had to confer with the council before we get this show on the road.”

“Well then,” Kravitz says. “Forgive me for being...unfamiliar with your customs.” He looks so strange standing in the middle of their home. His clothes look new, hand crafted. But they also look a good century behind the modern tops and skinny jeans that Taako and Lup are wearing. Compared to their humble, mostly second hand furniture, the King looks like he would fit better in an art museum.

“It’s cool,” Taako says, putting a hand on Kravitz’s shoulder that doesn’t currently have a large black bird resting on it. “While my sister isn’t on this hype train, you can go ahead and mark cha’boy as being down.”

“That is excellent to hear,” Kravitz replies, seemingly brightening at that. Taako really had no idea what he’s in for, but that doesn’t seem to bother him much. Especially in regards to how pretty Kravitz’s smile is.

“Why him?” Lup asks. “Why are you choosing Taako?”

“Yeaaaahhh,” Taako says, removing his hand. “Hate to grind those gears, but Taako’s not too clear on this either.”

“You...don’t recall this?” Kravitz asks. He reaches into the inner folds of his jacket and pulls out a small envelope, yellowed due to time. The only unique signifier to it is the name written on the back: Taako, in big, swooping letters.

“Oh!” Taako yells. He slaps a hand to his forehead. “Shit. I forgot. I had entered the lottery.”

“You. Did. What?” Lup asks, eyes darting from the envelope to her brother.

“My kingdom’s royal selection lottery was established years ago,” Kravitz says, as if that’s enough of an explanation. “Taako’s entry was chosen over many hundreds.” He glances at Taako with confusion. “There were numerous correspondences sent proclaiming you as the selected consort. I had assumed you had seen them, but were keeping Taako away at my ire. Did you not receive them?”

“I…thought those were junk mail,” Taako mumbles. His face tinges with a warm blush. “I may have...put them in recycling?”

Kravitz looks over at Lup, and Lup shoots him a look that very clearly says, the man you’re trying to marry is an idiot.

“Well, l mean, you did eventually come in person,” Taako says, sweeping that info under the metaphorical rug. He looks Kravitz over once more. “And believe me, the gesture is appreciated.”

Kravitz nods in agreement. “I am not displeased by the choice.”

At that, Taako preens. Just the tiniest bit.

“Say I am fine with you two going,” Lup says, clearing her throat. “Which I am not. Would you be coming back?”

“Ideally, no,” Kravitz says, facing her. “Once Taako is crowned King Consort, he will be ruling perpetually by my side.”

“Excuse me?” Lup shouts.

“Goodbye taxes!” Taako says with delight. Then his expression abruptly shifts to something dour. “Wait, perpetually? As in: I’m not going to see Lup ever again?”

Kravitz nods. “My realm is, for lack of better words, adjacent to yours. Yet, it exists as its own reality.” He snaps his fingers again. The rift appears in their living room, once more sending their senses on edge. But this time, instead of formless color, they see a gorgeous castle, tall and black, cutting a silhouette against a warm, afternoon sky. In the distance is an endless cycling of birds in flight. Kravitz continues, “Less bound by the natural laws. The ascension to the royal throne would require some...shedding of mortal ties.”

“Now, wait a minute—” Taako says.

“Bullshit!” Lup interjects. “You can fuck right off with—” Taako slaps a hand over Lup’s mouth, though that doesn’t stop her from muffling a few more choice words. There is a sharp drop of temperature in the air and Taako winces. If there’s one thing he knows, it’s that rudeness is not tolerated in situations like these.

Kravitz says nothing, but his mouth is a thin line. The raven on his shoulder however, screeches loudly and angrily. The rift ripples like a disturbed lake.

“Hey, Krav,” Taako says, desperate to calm the conversation. “Can I call you Krav?”

“You may,” Krav says, tone flat.

“Listen, cha’boy’s definitely into the whole fantasy elopement thing. But I’m not going anywhere without my sister, and you can take that fact to the grave.” He takes his hand off Lup’s face and wraps his arms around her shoulders. “So I’ll come with you willingly, and prepare for the wedding, but my sister must attend me. That’s absolutely final.”

There is a very tense moment between the three of them—four, including the bird, who slowly stops screeching. No words are uttered for a solid minute.

Taako glances nervously at Lup, who narrows her eyes at him. Her hands are locked on his wrists.

“I will grant this request,” The King says, finally.

“Excellent!” Taako exclaims, almost too loud. He lets go of Lup. “Will I—should I pack up my stuff? I mean, I don’t know what’s the travel time? How many kilometers away is your kingdom? Will I need to get a storage unit?”

“All board, and amenities have been fully prepared for your chambers,” Kravitz assures. “Of course, some of the minor preparations will be awaiting our arrival. The menu, wardrobe fittings, portraiture—”

“You hear that Lup?” Taako says. “Couture threads and everything!”

“What a blast,” Lup replies, failing to hide the sarcasm.

“We will have to make additional lodging for your sister,” Kravitz adds, glancing at her. “But that will not be a problem.”

“Glad we’re clear on that,” Taako adds. “But we are keeping the gold that you so kindly left on the porch?”

“Of course, that is still yours.”

“Great!” Taako motions for Lup to stay by the door. “Lup, help me pick up all the shiny shit while our guest, uh, has a seat on the couch.” Taako grabs Kravitz’s hand and pulls him into the living room and onto the couch, pointedly ignoring the still open rift right by their coffee table. “Stay right here, babe. Just a few more minutes and we’ll go.” Kravitz eyes him with confusion. Lup grabs her purse from the kitchen counter and both twins turn the corner to go pick up the treasure from the front porch.

They both crouch down, Taako glancing hesitantly over his shoulder.

“If this goes sideways, this is all your fault,” Lup whispers.

“I’ll think of something,” Taako whispers back. They both stuff Lup’s purse with gold and jewelry. It all clinks together loudly, just enough to hide their murmurs.

“You said you’d marry him,” Lup says. “That’s a promise. You can’t break faerie promises!”

“I said I’d go and prepare to marry him,” Taako replies. “Everything after that is speculative.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Lup says, softly. Once all the coins are gathered, Taako takes a few of the necklaces and rings and throws them on for good measure. He also takes out the tie holding his hair back and lets the strands fall loosely around his face.

They both stand up and re-enter the house. Taako walks over to the king and grins.

“How do I look, Krav?” he asks, waving a jewel covered hand dramatically. The lamp light bounces off his necklace and glitters across his face. “Appropriately shiny?”

“Yes,” Kravitz says, leaning forward. He seems to take in Taako adorned in gold with a delighted interest. “Very much so.”

Lup makes a fake gagging noise. “C’mon, nerds. Let’s go.”

Taako takes Kravitz’s hand—while also holding onto Lup for good measure—and the Bird King leads them both through the rift.

And far, far away.