#it just feels so much more satisfying <3< /div>
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will being self destructive > will being JUST sad
#its so much more fun to read#like yh go on go wreck every single relationship u have#i like reading abt everyone trying to reconnect with him so badly and it doesnt work#or it works at the VERY end and its almost too late#it just feels so much more satisfying <3#yh he is nice to everyone but WHAT IF he pulled away? what if he hid every part of himself?#an amazing read everytime icl#will byers#byler#ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS BYLE RRELATED#so good <3
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can i requeeeessstt edgar rescuing scriabin from something |D
Day 6 - There are consequences out here
Bonus, of what he was doing to get stickers in his hair:
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Scriabin#Edgar#I really wasn't sure what to do with this one at first! Or rather - I immediately had this and another idea but wasn't satisfied either way#I opted for this one because The Feelings and the bonus - additions oddly energizing!#I think it's that at first I was too strongly reminded of the one I made of Edgar cutting Scriabin's hair#Poses too similar! Feelings too similar! Not new or shiny or sparkly or anything!!!#But then the bonus came to mind and cute Scriabin is always nice <3#And then the pose expanded as well! Different! New challenges!#I've been trying to attempt more fullbodies this year :3 I don't make them that often! It's good practice all round!#Anatomy and consistency and more dynamic posing!!!! All good things :D#And also parts that I'm not as used to drawing - their feetsies turned out nice I think! Ah! Feels like a level up love when that happens#And then the Feelings of it all <3#I love Scriabin impulsively enjoying his body So Badly gah#Being extant in private and getting to fully revel in sensation with no filter no interruptions#Consequences now - new fallouts of his own actions - but the immediacy just Feels so much he can't help it#Edgar chides him of course - he's (had to) grown out of such childish impulses! Aren't you an adult!#Really he just worries neither of them would do well with either gone for long stickers least of all haha#And he likes being useful <3 They're so similar haha Scriabin loves to complain and Edgar loves to fret ♥#They balance each other well for what a handful they are#Scriabin especially of course hehe
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Realizing CX-2 was literally a red herring and not Tech or even Cody but an absolute nobody! Wtf was all that build up for?!
Realizing Tech never got his happy ending. Didn't watch Omega grow up, didn't have a life with Phee, and never got to see Crosshair again!
Realizing they did Scorch wrong as well! (My headcanon? That's a different Scorch from the republic commandos Scorch!)
Realizing that Echo didn't rejoin the batch but he isn't with Rex either. So what does that mean?! Is he safe?! Is he alright?!
Realizing the ending was good and heartfelt ( I did like it. Omega’s all grown up and off on her own adventures and the boys know she'll be alright because they raised her) but unsatisfying at the same time.
#star wars#the bad batch#tbb spoilers#tbb tech#the clone wars#it would hvae made more sense story wise as well#lol y'all I really do like the ending i just feel cheated#it would have been so much better if Tech was there more complete and satisfying#oh well!#😔#tbb omega#the bad batch season 3#it would have made more sense story wise as well#did the writers change their mind midway through the season and was like nevermind cx2 is not tech anymore 🤨#because all things pointed to tech fr#just throwing a little tantrum 😅
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buying the heart aspect hoodie off topatoco after i get paid this week <3
#moon yaps#i am SO EXCITED. <3<3<3#because like - im making a purchase of my own (satisfies a teens need for independence and agency)#its for a piece of media i like (duh.)#and its a hoodie - which. i wear a sweatshirt most days. so ill get much more use out of it#and.... its subtle enough to wear to school - but noticeable enough for my friend's brother (homestuck fan) to notice (step closer to being#-friends with him) <- which i really want. i dont have a crush on him per se i just think he's pretty cool and funny and we have a lot of -#-shared interests! so this could be a big step in the right direction. because his group and our group hang out close to each other and -#-interact a lot at lunchtime (the two groups get kinda blended then) and that whole group is very fun!#i'm actually in a minecraft realm with them. theyre very cool people#sorry im rambling so much in these tags. i just really wanna be pals with this guy. because the more friends the better and i need more -#- people to talk homestuck with. speaking of. if anybody wants to chat with me feel free#if youve read this whole thing congrats!!
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My lyrics for Double!! I really loved this song and became like a thousand times more impressed by Deco27 and Natsuki Hanae after working with it for so long 😅 I chickened out of recording this one in the apartment but if anyone wants to cover it... lmk.... 👀 I can definitely put something together to help hear how the rhythms work, because I got it all to line up very nicely! (Lyrics under the cut and my little commentary in the tags)
(I’ve got you, leave it to me!)
Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change
Not a smile in this mess, you're doing your best, you say (wake up)
"Don't need a break" as you proceed to start breaking, both sleeping and waking makes you bleed
And now, reborn anew -- I'll take in on for you
Not your plan? Who gives a damn, I'm here and here is where I'll stay
It's just the two of us, nothing left to run from. You're safe now, your hero's come.
All I did was dream, is that a crime? Is that enough to name me guilty by?
"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?
Ah, I'm the one that saved you, don't you see? So tell me why the hell you cry to me!
Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- oh, sing to me.
Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change
Too late, your limits passed. Too late, yourself has cracked (goodnight)
If you persist I'll assist with releasing, keeping your peace is why I exist
And now reborn anew -- I'll take it on for you
(Oh, hello? Mom? It’s been a while. Yeah.. well, I mean, some days are hard but I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off...)
The reason I'm alive, must be making sure that you survive
"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?
All I did was dream, did you forget? Go on and forgive me, I'm no threat.
Listen to me confess, honest. Eat your words and I bet, regret
Ah, I just tried to help, tried to be strong. So tell me why the hell it's all gone wrong
Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- don't sing me this song
Lost my memory
I'm double, it was unavoidable
Living painfully
I'm trying, as hard as possible
Tell me, tell me.
If I wasn't born, maybe this trouble --
Tell me, tell me.
It's all my fault
#milgram#mikoto kayano#lyrics#i feel bad it cut in front of the other milgram songs but it was a lot easier than the others#(not that it was easy by any means but the other ones are giving me even more trouble asdfsdf)#but yeah!!! im so happy with these!!!#i will forever be jealous of the rhyming in the original refrain --#nante itte/natte nande/datte sugatte/utatte tatte IS SO WONDERFULLY SATISFYING#it makes me crazyyyyyy#i know i dont get half that fun in mine but im still really satisfying with the rhymes/phrasing#wtf is going on in the rest of the song 😭 i came for the incredible refrain and had to deal with all That......#the 'dont need a break' and 'if you persist' lines gave me so much trouble 😭 he just keeps on going.....#i took a bit of a liberty with the 'sing to me' line because every version of 'thatd be good' sounded so lame 😅#trying to do some kind of play on sing your sins while its john really wanting to communicate but idk if that worked#an unintended but exciting detail is 'you say' sounding like 'you say wake up' rather than 'you say dont need a break'#since thats right when he wakes john up so to speak#any milgram pals who want to sing -- these are always open to use >:3
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why does minecraft roleplay make me feel the grief of a thousand suns !!!
#nothing else makes me feel as much agony as silly minecraft roleplay and it is driving me up the wall !!#so anyways hi guys. I'm feeling definitely very normal tonight#and not at all compounded with the grief of a thousand cube shaped people#ok what I don't get is that I'm mostly ok when it is just a Normal character but somehow when it is a Minecraft character#anything that happens is more agonizing and emotionally hitting??? this makes no sense brain????#potential theories: 1. We see so much downtime and build up with cubitos that we get emotionally attached to them in a way not usual#caveat to 1. Tabletop is similar to this; and tabletop characters do affect me in an emotional way but not as much as cubitos#2. Often minecraft characters do not get a full or satisfying resolution;#perhaps this makes me feel a sense of loss that scripted or structured stories do not#caveat to 2. even when they do have satisfying narrative conclusion I still feel the Agony#3. The magical power of improv#caveat to 3. tabletop again
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i do think there's probably something suspicious about the way everyone loves Ca$h and Quinni and their depth while essentially reducing Darren to their shared supporting character and/or the sassy black woman(/person in this case) stereotype, but I feel somewhat hypocritical bringing it up
#shimmer's thoughts#heartbreak high#darren rivers#cash piggott#ca$h piggott#quinni gallagher jones#tbf i'm mainly a meta writer and i feel like they mentioned darren's issues so clearly in s1 that there's not much for me to say#but most people aren't meta writers. and/or people who know the show better might be able to find things to talk about#it could also be more of a problem with the show itself bc from what i can remember they don't get much else to do#like. it feels like the white characters they support just have more depth and more going on than them#and ik people have talked about the show being weird about missy and malakai#although if we're going to talk about how missy and malakai are mistreated by the show#why is no attention given to the fact that darren's like 90% a stereotype#and 9% is them being desperate enough to change integral parts of themself for a white boy#and 1% is them explaining the stereotype with parent issues where the white dad is focused on and the black mom just disappears#that's still suspicious#also i feel like everyone jumps to hate on them every time they get the chance#without looking at why they do things. but then again the show doesn't really explain their reasoning ever does it#either way i feel like i either see people stereotyping them or shitting on them and no one in between acting regular about things#like i just went into the tags to make sure i'm not losing it and there's like 3 posts cutting them slack for the s1 ca$h storyline#and that's it. everything else focuses on ca$h or quinni or hates on them or stereotypes them. i just think that's a bit odd#idk. i can't put my finger on it but something's not right. i don't trust it#i mean i kinda did put my finger on it. i kinda slapped it repeatedly with my finger. but i still don't see a coherent enough thread here#to be personally satisfied. if i can't write a summary of my thoughts my thoughts aren't clear enough
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I might catch some flack for this but I'm gonna say it:
The original music in Life and Trust is better than the music from Sleep No More
#oooo the SNM stanss are gonna come for meee#Just kidding like 3 people on this site talk about these shows#i am enthralled with the music of thos show so much. I saw a few scenes last night involving a piano and it was exhilarating#the action scenes the romance scenes the depressing scenes - all beautifully composed#i wish they would sell a vinyl of their score like take my money PLEASE#anyways got a see a lot of people that i never really interact with as much I didnt really get a full loop anyone like I like to do#but i got the majority of one persons loop that I really liked.#i spent 10 minutes trying to find 2 characters I am very interested in only to realize that they were both out that day 😭😭#and I couldnt find the character I wanted to follow at ALL last night but I left very satisfied#also I like the set a lot more than SNM it feels a lot more managable while also being incredibly vast and complex#Life and Trust#Sleep No More#Emursive#Punchdrunk#snm#l$t
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I was supposed to go to sleep early tonight. Fuck
#got distracted thinking about kiangst#specifically: what if keeperschampion started dating. without kian. :3#they would still have feelings for him but he’d be with becky so they wouldn’t say or do anything…#and kian would jjsy be terrified of them leaving him behind and not caring about him anymore…#while simultaneously feeling so guilty about his own feelings for them because he can’t just be happy for them#and he should be more than satisfied with becky#but he yearns for them so much and it’s horrible and painful#anyways where was i. oh yes. i need. sleep.#plantboytalking
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never straying from my art style again, ong 😭
#delinquent reigen#original was more of a sketch so if it doesn't seem finished it's because it's not lol#i hate leaving my comfort zone <3#cole's art#mob psycho 100#mp100#mp100 reigen arataka#reigen arataka#tw smoking#mp100 ageswap#listen- i like both#but my art style just has a certain lovable scruffiness- y'know?#the other one was super satisfying to draw and it looks super smooth#i love it- but it's just not me- my art style holds such a distint part of my personality within it#i'm not saying the other art style is lifeless- it's much nicer to look at definitely and it holds a different part of me#just not the part i want to showcase in my art right now#i may be too passionate about this 💀#insane rambling- don't feel obligated to read lmao#tw blood#almost forgot that one
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ive said this before, but i still wish that when people did homages/art works in the style of old masters they'd make it more of their own thing rather than just a direct copy of the original just with blorbos put in the place of the original subjects lol...
#personal#this might just be a me thing lol#but like one of the only good things art school taught me#was that when creating stuff based on other artists#you have to somehow still make it your own ...#like look at the way that person handles colour or their brushstrokes or subject matter etc#and do your own interpretation of that!#i always feel like it's more satisfying too lol??#like ive done a LOTof work inspired by klimt#but i v rarely copy his composition or even the specific patterns he uses in his work#just cos it's so much more fun to come up with your own but with a similar vibe to his??#idkidk i'm rambling#this kinda came about cos i see a lot of leyendecker based stuff and like ofc it's beautiful#but i also cant help but feel some artists are trying TOO much to look like the original#rather than putting their own spin on it...#maybe i shuoldve put this on my art blog... ah well we're here now#anyway if u read this far in my tags: i hope ur having a great day <3
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Not feeling great abt some of my creative endeavors rn
#ramblings#neg#specifically abt project: new moon#i can feel myself actively losing interest in continuing to write for it#like the main story is already out there and that's fine#but even tho i have ideas for oneshots and stuff to introduce more characters (like those redesigns for rouge and shadow i did a while ago)#it just. doesn't feel worth continuing. idk why#i guess it might be the lack of interest for my writing in general#or maybe project: new moon just. isn't that great#which is fine the point of the project was to do it for fun not to make something objectively good#but ig i'm just. not feeling it anymore? i don't feel satisfied with it like i did when i finished writing it#i still love my ocs and the redesigns i did of canon characters for it#and i'm glad i got the story i've had in my head since i was like 12 out there. even if it's very different from how i first envisioned it#but. i really just wanna put it to rest#i really don't feel like i can promise any more writing for it. not like anybody cared abt it anyway besides like 3-4 ppl + myself#idk man i wanna move on from it. i have other stuff i wanna write that i feel guilty for not doing#bc i'd said i'd write more for project: new moon and still haven't#i think i'd be happier if i let the fanfic go and just draw my ocs and my redesigns when i feel like it#without worrying abt the fic anymore#bc frankly ever since writing the epilogue my heart just didn't feel like it was in it#thinking abt it felt like a chore more than anything. so maybe it'd be for the best to just leave it as it is#that comic i said i'd write is still happening tho i still really wanna do it#but that's different from writing fanfic so#anyway. might turn the project: new moon blog into a general writing blog#if i finish the corrupted au fic i'm currently working on. idk yet we'll see#but yeah. i know i shouldn't trust how i feel past 9 pm but I've been feeling this for a while now so whatever#i think i should've seen this coming in retrospect. pretty much everything i do that isn't just art never gets much traction anyway#can't say i'm really giving up on it considering it's TECHNICALLY complete#but the way things are going feels almost exactly like the rp and ask blogs i've tried to run in the past#idk man. i gotta stop thinking abt this before the vague feelings of inadequacy spiral into something worse. goodnight
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okay i was curious where that quote that laura reads in s2e12 from carmilla's book was from ("those who prefer their principles over their happiness refuse to be happy outside the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness") and unsurprisingly it was camus so i downloaded the book it's from and ctrl+f'd through to find the quote and havent found it yet but did find this one:
#'theres those who are made to love and those who are made to live'#remember what i said abt carmilla maybe enjoying the romances that are doomed frmo the start bc shes (un)dead?#screaaaamingggggg#god i love that they made one of her favourite authors camus i love that they made philosophy an important part of her character i love it#sooo much#cant wait to start on the reading list im compiling#cant find the quote in this. which means either i guessed at the original wrong as i backtranslated#or the internet has misattributed it#i think it's still carnets i think it might just be 2 or 3#bc it seems in english it's notebooks 1935-1951 so they might just put them all together#found it :) it's in 3#'if they find themselves by surprise happy they are lost. unhappy to be deprived of their unhappiness'#carmillaaaa <3333 i love her#i do wonder if this applies to her a little bit too#i know in the scene it's about laura#but carmilla feels like shes sort of in this middle space between mattie and laura#where her disposition is more like laura's but she cant survive like that#she has to give up on trying to hold onto principles bc she literally couldnt have survived if she had#but it's also clear shes much less happy as a vampire#maybe she can like allow herself her little pleasures - be selfish in that way despite the conditions not being right for her happiness#but like clearly shes not Happy right? shes not satisfied shes not content. she kinda hates herself. indulgence is not joy#it's distraction and self-protection what she does i think#carmillaposting
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don't care that the cgi was bad in wild blue yonder because my prevailing thought was like if they are willing to do weirdo freak shit with it im happy. also they cooked up a gayboy doctor so im blissed out
#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#actual review is: thought the premise and character moments were what id been yearning for so much it was excellent BUT#they really lost me near the climax because all this atmospheric tension was resolved by telling telling telling explaining which didn't#feel satisfying or revelatory at all. and although i did say i don't care about the bad cgi i do mean the body horror elements i loved them#i laughed about them with my sister all part of a good dw experience we were crying at dt running on all fours like a dog#but i wasn't a fan at all of the main ship not because the design was bad i loved the changing environment but#it was soooo distracting to me that donna and the doctor just did not look like they were physically there#to the point that the really ridiculous body horror was more believable to me than the environment they were in#overall though this is what i wanted there were times i was so delighted and surprised by the show in a way i havent been for 15 years <3#feeling sososo positive and excited for ncuti#sorry i turn into a dw blog on saturday nights now
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i got the cutscene <3
#its actually crazy that there was even more content i missed that impacted the story this much#like this rlly illustrated how even tho my character and astari0n have both become better people astari0n is still so behind in that#(we know why ofc. hes still acting like a feral cat trying to self preservere with teeth and nail and all until the very end; the ritual)#my character had his most obvious 'shifting point' at the transition from act 2 to act 3#like he fully realized that this is now truly bigger than himself. he has left marks on the lands and he has to go all the way#he has made true friends. one of his best friends is the kindest most compassionate person in the world#and very importantly he loves astari0n and THAT is the reason he now feels this actual compassion towards the other spawn#hes so personally invested in this issue now#and he can say that 'the world can be a wonderful place if you find your home in it astari0n' bc its something he has just recently had#a personal revelation abt#and astari0n deflects it and describes my character as someone who now 'spends their life sorting out other peoples problems'#and it rlly brings it to focus that he just cannot meet him where hes at anymore#just great conflict that feels actually meaningful and perfectly fits into the roleplay storyline ive made for my character#and omg the line 'im doing this for you too you know. to make sure were both safe. forever' from astari0n is just AAAAAAHDJJDJD. CRAZY#bc we know how toxic he becomes towards you if he completes the ritual!!!!!!#HHHHH this character!!!!! hes just MWAH. perfection#i cant wait until i get to doing the szarr palace again bc this added conflict will make the conclusion of this quest even more satisfying#anyway TOTAL tonal shift time. in start of the cutscene astari0n is standing next to the bed my character was sleeping in#so i can now have the hc that some nights they sleep in the same bed <3#(WELL. you know. my character sleeps while he meditates)
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Hello! I don't know if you are still doing the ask game, but I would like to participate
How about 🎀?
🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing
i have an overall good sense of emotional pacing i think--for long fics with heavier themes such as Mouse on the Thorn and Into This Wild Abyss, i feel i do a good job of spacing out soft tender bits and brutal, painful bits and funny silly shit so none of it ever becomes too much, and so it doesn't clash or take away from itself or one another
#asks#you are always welcome to participate <3 time is not real#and thank you for asking!!#tbh i recently got a comment on ITWA that said something very similar#and i was like hey!! yeah i did (had literally just been doing whatever i felt like)#i feel like ive spent enough time consuming tragedies and comedies of wildly varying levels of skill#that im just much more aware of what is satisfying and what is abrupt or drawn out#like muscle memory for emotional responses#so now i just sorta feel the vibe and it works out alright!!#its definitely not something i was always good at tho lmao
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