#it just!! it captures that whole feeling you get when you come out of grieving ready to carry on with your life beautifully

[oakpear]

The Secret In The Wall - Daniel Hart

A Ghost Story (2017) dir. David Lowery

[pseudowho]

Red

Nanami Kento, the infamous Curse User, is finally captured and sentenced to death after years on the run. The reader feels her grasp on morality quickly unravel, when her ex-boyfriend breaks down any inhibitions she thought she still had.

Warnings: 18+, smut, MDNI, Bad!Nanami, really a reprehensible man, rough sex, bondage, forced orgasm, multiple sessions, coercion, dubcon, tw: gaslighting, tw: abuse, reader is obsessed and hopelessly in love, and Nanami Kento takes full advantage of that.

*I absolutely do not endorse a relationship like this, and I must insist that anyone who reads this sees it as the red flag it is...ANYWAY...*

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You felt sick to your stomach.

"They caught him. Did you hear?"

You stumbled through the rain, barely composed, your heart in your mouth. Anxious desperation clawed up your spine, on your way to get the fix that you had been withdrawing from for so long.

"Yeah, Gojo got him, obviously. No, no, he's alive, for now."

Mud spattered up the backs of your legs, tripping through puddles, passing under rain-hush willows, Torii gates, and so many graves filled by his hand. His hands that you knew. His hands that knew you, so intimately, a body and soul so untouched by anyone else ever since and ever again.

"Nanami Kento. The Nanami Kento...scheduled for execution. Finally."

You reached corridors, a caretaker shouting in indignation as you tracked mud all over his freshly polished floorboards. You gained speed, running, ready for his face his hands his smell his eyes his body his heart and yours that was always his forever his still his--

"You shouldn't go in there." Your hand retracted so briefly over the handle of the door to the execution chambers. Feeling cold drip down your spine, not knowing if it was rainwater, sweat, or Gojo's voice behind you, you shivered. You felt him approach. A long hand on your shoulder; protective, apologetic, grieving.

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be this way. But you shouldn't go down there. He's...bad for you." You sniffed, straightening yourself, steeling against him. Gojo was so insignificant to you in this moment. "Are you keeping watch? Is there anyone else?" Gojo sighed, knowing better than to argue with you, feeling dread creep through him regardless. He leaned back on the wall, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast. You heard your own heartbeat, amplified hummingbird's wings. You heard the rain, cleansing on the leaves, but weighing you down with your sin. You felt the thread on your finger, trapped beneath that door and running down the stairs.

"No. No, it's just me. I...understand. Whatever you want to do, I...I understand." You felt the ghosts in this corridor. You felt the footsteps long since gone. You felt the shadows of the other half of Gojo's soul. Ah, yes, you thought, raindrops running down your cheeks, you would understand, of course.

"There will be a gap in the guard. At midnight. Just five minutes. Ten, if you're lucky." Gojo turned, facing down the corridor. You could smell the regret. The weight of his own failures haunted him. He sensed your fingers grip the handle, squeezing down, taking your life into your own hands.

He would give you this, what he had prevented you from taking five years ago. He would not see another whole broken into halves. He would not regret, for a moment now or for years to come. Behind him, your other hand, cold and damp, reached out and squeezed Gojo's. He felt the farewell upon your skin. "Thank you, Satoru. I love you." "I love you, too. Be good." You wracked with need, trembling down those spiraled steps. They took you so deeply underground, that you could feel the earthen chill of ages past upon your skin, and you welcomed the death and rebirth, shedding the life you had left at the surface.

You knew Nanami Kento would, inevitably, be your downfall. And yet...you had shared a room with death so many times, now, that you would not fear him reaching for your hand. You paused near the bottom of the stairs, soaked in the soft orange glow of ten thousand illuminated paper charms. You felt him. He beat you to it. "I can smell you." Your knees almost buckled; that voice. It ran through you, spitting hot oil in cold blood. You flurried down the rest of the steps with numb feet, rounding the corner. The breath rushed out of you, into him, and he smiled at you, so much wider than he used to, all canines and white.

Nanami Kento was bound to a small chair, barely enough to hold the sheer width of him. In this short (long too long so long) five years, he had grown from a man, to a beast, his shoulders hulking and mountainous, scars littered across his forearms and collarbones.

His white shirt was bloodstained-- mostly someone else's, you assumed, but some from Kento himself. Kento was scuffed, bruised, red at the corner of his lip. His parting remained, disheveled from his capture. His harness, the brown leather soft and aged, strained against his chest and shoulders. His blunt blade rested, leant against the wall in a dingy corner of the room.

The only thing holding back what you knew would be Kento's enormous, overwhelming power, were the ropes that restrained him. You fingered at the blade of the Cursed tool in your pocket. He was...ethereally beautiful. You felt the last vestiges of yourself pass to him, blissfully unaware he would take so much more from you yet. His smile grew, eyes full of searingly cold ice, sneering at you as tears built in your eyes.

"You're crying for me?" He cooed, soft and mocking, "Why is that? You made your choice, all those years ago." "You were the one who left." "You were the one who stayed," he growled, lurching forwards against his bonds, chest heaving and straining, snarling. Expecting you to step backwards, instead, he felt the sick satisfaction of you stepping closer instead-- drawn in by his gravity. "You didn't give me a choice, Kento," you begged, shameless, "You didn't come for me. I couldn't find you." Kento huffed, scoffing, twisting against his restraints. "Fuck off," he scorned, spitting a wad of blood to the floor, "I came for you. The night I found you in Gojo's bed, of all people." You frowned, remembering the night Kento snapped and executed two dozen colleagues in his offices, years after leaving Jujutsu High. Remembering the news reaching you third-hand, through whispers in the corridors, as you had headed to Jujutsu High to see if anyone had heard from him. Remembering Gojo's grim confirmation, how you had collapsed in his arms, carved in two. Remembering how he had taken you home with him, tucked you into his bed, where you slept fitfully, alcohol-soaked to numb the nightmares. Your stomach filled with ice water. "You were-- you were there?" You choked, tears spilling over, "At Gojo's? You were there?" "Tell me," Kento commanded, his lip curled, "how many hours it was, after you heard? How many hours before you let Gojo Satoru fuck you like some desperate little whore? How many hours it was before I found you in his bed." You shook your head, brutally injured by his venom, punctuating him with sobs and denial as his voice rose.

"Three? Four? So devastated, it took another man fucking his seed into you before you could get over the loss of your lover? And you have the fucking audacity to come in here and cry over me?" Kento strained forwards, teeth bared as he sniffed deeply, breathing out with a satisfied smirk, a laugh, deep and smoky. "Can't smell him on you now, though," he mocked, filthy and merciless, "I thought he liked pathetic little scraps like you, but I suppose one fuck was enough to tell him you belonged to someone else, just as much as he did."

Kento already knew, of course, that Satoru would not have taken you even once. Kento felt his cock swelling against his thigh with your anguished begging. "Is that what he told you? To make you leave?" Your head swam with the revelation that Kento had come back for you, the rage that Satoru had lied and sent Kento away. You shook your head, dropping to your knees before him; desperate for his approval, full of dreadful fear of rejection.

"Nobody else," you pressed, crawling forwards and squeezing his thighs with cold little hands as he scoffed again, looking away, "ever. Kento. Ever, ever, for years. There won't ever be--" Kento suppressed his smirk, reeling you in after you bit so willingly. He leaned down to you, his cock twitching at the memory of the last time you knelt between his legs, looking up at him with wide wet eyes. He allowed his breath to ghost over your neck, seeing your skin prickle. He softened his face, nectar and promise in his eyes. "...you and Gojo...you didn't...?" His voice was soft, gentle, hopeful. Your head shot up, fingers digging deeper into his thighs as your eyes brimmed over again, thrilled by his belief, his trust in you. His lips were so close to yours, that you felt his hot ashen breath upon your tongue, dragon's fire, those whiskey-soaked eyes flicking across your face. God, if I'd known it would be this easy, Kento thought, maliciously possessive, I'd have let you find me years ago. His cock twitched at the feel of your hands clawing his thighs. He imagined fucking you down into the bed while you clawed at him, struggling, gasping and crying.

"Never," you promised, chasing his face with yours, while Kento withdrew just enough to maintain a teasing closeness, "he lied. He lied to you." Kento's cock twitched again, thirsty for your desperation.

Kento smiled again, that beautiful, cloud-parting smile, and you preened into him. He hummed, leaning forwards so briefly to brush his nose against yours. Your breath left you in a shudder as his voice passed over your lips;

"That's good...good girl. I couldn't bear to think of anyone else's hands on my beautiful girlfriend."

You sunk into his sudden warmth, your hands stroking up his thighs, his hips, up his ribs and shoulders. He allowed you to embrace him like this, for just a moment. Prickling with fear, you felt the frost form over him once more. Kento sneered again.

"...she's gone though, I think. Rotting here, festering with the dregs of Jujutsu Society. Willing to live and die a pawn. Scum. Less than scum."

Kento sighed, withdrawing from you fully, his back against the chair, turning his head as you tried to cup his jaw in your hands. He shook you off, face twisted with disgust. He was thrilled to watch a part of you shrivel and recoil, before reaching out harder, begging in fractured whispers, clawing for dry land.

"You had your chance. You're too wet for my life. You couldn't do what I do, live how I live. You couldn't lie, cheat, extort, torture, murder. You're too soft." Kento's lip curled in disgust as you pressed yourself between his legs, begging, beseeching, "To think of all the cum I wasted by fucking it into you." He hoped you couldn't feel him, hard and throbbing against your belly.

"--anything you want-- I'll do anything you want-- please--"

"Please what?" Kento shot, shaking the ropes around him with thick, scarred arms, "I'll be dead before dawn. And I want some peace and quiet. You're nothing to me now."

A part of you died, shattered by his rejection. Clapping a hand over your mouth, your shivers threatening vomit, you sat back on the floor, pressing your face into your knees, sobbing and abandoned for a second time.

"It's a shame," Kento scorned, tutting, "we were beautiful, once. But I'd rather die than have you be my only fucking option."

Kento felt you break, and it was delicious.

You shook within, panicking at his imminent second abandonment...but you were more determined than ever to prove yourself to him. You would sell your soul. You would sell the lives of your fellow sorcerers. You would sell your dignity, your self-respect, your whole being. Having Kento in any form, even this cold-hearted killer, was better than the agony of his death, where you would surely die with him.

From your pocket, hands shaking, you withdrew a blade; a special grade cursed weapon, stolen, illicit. You reached around Kento, breathing deeply of the sweat, sandalwood and copper tang on his skin. You pressed the blade into the hands bound behind his chair. You turned, hesitated...and walked away.

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You could not bear to return to your apartment. You had staggered past Gojo, reeling from Kento's biting rebuttal. You had wiled away the evening in some backwater ditch of a bar, sinking into spirits and self-loathing.

You waited to be found...by him, or by your colleagues, for execution as an accomplice to his escape. You didn't care anymore. You would die at his hands, or theirs, and cling onto that final shivering bliss of his bound body against yours. Even as a good man, he had always possessed you, more than you possessed yourself.

Walking to your door just after midnight, fumbling with the keys, you let yourself in, to spend a final night alone before your inevitable execution.

The alcohol numbed your senses, the darkness close around you. You did not feel his approach, this killer in the shadows.

All at once, you felt an enormous hand clasp over your mouth, and another pinning your wrists behind your back, tugging you backwards against a body, such an immovable chilly presence. A whisper, a tongue grazing against the side of your throat.

"I want you screaming...but not yet." You arched back into Kento's body, seeking a warmth he didn't have any more. The man you knew was long-since dead.

You felt his hand loosen, drifting slowly from your mouth, to your throat, squeezing just tightly enough to make your breath hitch, examining the length of your throat from the outside with a hum. You smelled the cigarettes and whiskey on his breath.

"I'm so proud of you," Kento purred, stepping you slowly through your apartment, pushing you towards your bedroom, "such a good girl...I knew you'd pass the test." Your heart swelled with his praise, but a lingering doubt soured the edges of your tongue.

"--how did you-- s'too early, Kento-- the guard--"

"Guard?" Kento laughed, booming with genuine mirth, "Some scrap of a boy in a beanie? Please. They'll find what's left of him in the morning."

"Oh--Ino--" you felt tears prickle on your lash line, your breath leaving you with a gasp as Kento tossed you face down on your bed. You tried to turn back to look at him, but felt his hand grip the back of your neck, shoving you roughly into the sheets. You shivered, fingers clenching as you heard the telltale clink of his belt undoing, the soft shhhk-shhhk-shhhk of Kento unthreading it from his waist.

"Oh, Ino!" Kento mocked, "Shut the fuck up, before I make you shut up," his voice pitched and ruthless. His face twisted as you trembled, noting smears of blood left by his hands on your wrists. You smelled the copper tang over his sweat and stale cologne. You knew you would never reject him, already wet with the promise of him coming back for you.

Kento softened momentarily, knowing he would struggle to fit inside you if you were scared and trembling. The faintest ghost of him wanted to pull you into his arms. The ice over his old soul knew he'd break if it cracked.

Kento crawled over you, his black trousers unzipped, cock straining against the tight fabric of his boxers. He clasped your hands, binding them with his tie to the head of the bed. You were so ready for him to take back what was his, that you didn't hear his next words, rumbling and gravelly on the back of your neck.".

"Keep still, and do as you're told. I'm sure you remember the old safe word...if I care to listen."

You felt your skirt forced up to bunch around your waist, heard a fabric rrriiip of your tights and underwear being shredded away from your core. Kento breathed heavily as he knelt above you, hooking his cock and heavy balls out, stroking himself with one thick hand as his fingers jabbed between your legs, sinking between your folds with little to no regard for your pleasure.

You jolted, squeaking against the sudden intrusion. Kento letting out another rich, smoky laugh as he sunk two thick fingers into your entrance.

"...ahhh, lovely. Can you warm my fingers up for me?" Kento laughed again, drawing out into a stilted growl as he jerked his cock eagerly to your tight wet walls around his digits. You panted into the sheets, Kento releasing his cock you squeeze your arse as he fucked you with his fingers, leaving bruising fingerprints before slapping the skin harshly, groaning as your fat jiggled, flushing with the abuse.

"-- better than some common whore...shit. Such a good girl...getting me out of there. Maybe I'll keep you around...just to fuck, my sweet little cocksleeve. Or are you better than that?"

"--anything, I'll be anything you want-- Kento-- please please take me with you please--" Pleasure burned in your belly as you heard the wet slaps of his hand, masturbating himself again to the sight of his fingers moulding you to the shape of him.

You filled with a burning need to be what he wanted you to be, so exhausted by life, so bitter and ready for someone else to take control. Kento did so, gladly, withdrawing his fingers to your disappointed groan. He slapped your backside again in punishment, once, twice, three times until you learned your lesson, biting your lip against your cries.

"You'll come on my cock, or not at all," he snapped at you, impatient, with his pre-cum dripping down your folds as his cock grazed at the entrance to your prone, bound body. He rammed his fingers into your mouth, forcing you to lick him clean, low voice husky with need at the feeling of your tongue swiping over him.

Pressing one hand down on the back of your neck, before raising it to yank sharply on your hair, Kento fucked into you without warning, pressing hard, to bottom out immediately. Your scream was choked, your neck hyperextended back at the insistent pull of your hair. Your body ached and strained against his use of you, and you revelled in it, in too deep to care about how wrong it was. You stung with the size of him, always big, and so much bigger without preparation.

"--haaaah fuck-- good girl...fuck you through it-- fuck you through it-- scream all you like-- been waiting for this for so long--" Kento crushed your body flush under his, so heavy that he forced the air out of you, making you lightheaded against the raw pleasure of his cock pounding into you without mercy, simply chasing his own orgasm.

Kento's skin electrified with the sinful joy of stealing pleasure from you, ripping his shirt and harness off over his head with a fractured growl. He gripped your bound hands, slipping a hand under you to squeeze your throat, his hips slapping into you with agonising bliss. He cursed and spat against the pleasure, demeaning you and praising you in equal measure.

Breathing hard and fast, Kento saw a bead of his sweat fall to the back of your neck, and leaned down to bite you there, hard, mounting you like an animal as he fucked you harder, faster. Your clit throbbed, untouched, but you lost yourself in the deep primal ecstasy coiling in your belly. You felt the telltale twitches of his thighs and abs against your legs and back, knowing from his frantic jagged moans that Kento was about to cum, before remembering--

"Ken--Kento--oooh--ooh, Ken," you cried, whimpering as his cock bullied against your cervix, "...'m not-- not on-- pull out Ken--"

Kento jerked and groaned, grinning that wide sharp-canined grin again, his laugh leaving him in ragged breaths as his balls drew up close, ready to spill; "--fuck...pull-out? Not a--haaah-- fucking chance, without the safe word, sweetheart." Kento fucked you faster, challenging you as your cock-addled brain clasped at straws, trying desperately to remember, fuck what was it--

Kento gasped, his orgasm starting to wash over him, "Too late," he jeered, and came with a broken hushed roar, rutting his cock inside you so his seed would spurt, coating you, thick and sticky, all over your deepest walls. Kento didn't give a shit that you hadn't come-- and neither did you, trembling and mewling as his length jerked thick heavy ropes inside you.

As Kento pulled out, breathing hard, pumping his length a few more times to spill his last drops of seed across your back, he huffed out a humourless laugh, running his hand back through his hair; "'Pull out'...you'll take what I give you, and be grateful." Kento scooped up some seed, dripping from your cunt, shoving it roughly back inside you.

"What fucking use are you," he spat, ramming his fingers in you until you sobbed, squirming around him, "if you can't even keep my cum inside you? Pathetic." Your breath hitched, tears spilling over at his brutal mockery. Seeing your tears, hearing the lump in your throat, Kento cooed at you, clasping your jaw in one thick hand.

"Oh darling...don't be sad...just be better." He slapped at your cheek a few times, too stinging to be tender, pressing a hot wet kiss just beneath your eye. He stood up, stretching, padding over towards the door.

"I need a drink." Kento mused aloud. You pulled yourself up the bed, still tightly bound, clamping your legs together to keep his cum inside and win his approval. You almost wept with the bitter ache in your shoulders and arms, how your pussy stung, how worthless he thought you were. You heard the clink of bottles and glass in the kitchen.

Kento returned, sitting in the chair at the end of your bed, naked, legs crossed, as he poured himself a full glass of whiskey. You could not see him, your face pressed into the pillow. You couldn't see the cold, impassive gaze upon your bound, shivering form. You couldn't see the way he idly played with his cock, slowly stroking life back into it as his cum glistened on your folds.

"Let's play a game," Kento proposed finally, as sleep began to creep across you, "and if you win, I'll take you with me. If you lose, I'll leave you here for the dogs." Kento took a long drink, draining his glass with a satisfied hum, his cock now half-erect against his thigh.

Your determination peaked again, so certain you could make things right, and make Kento love you like he used to. You were a void, yearning to be filled.

"Yes, I-- I can do it-- anything," you pressed, voice strong and bold now, eager to shed the shell he had left you in. Kento refilled his glass, almost to the brim, grinning wolfishly. He reached into your bedside drawer, tipping his head and raising his eyebrows at you with a smirk, withdrawing a vibrator, and a dildo.

"So confident," Kento teased, a shadow of the way he used to play with you when he was softer, more restrained. He couldn't deny the flicker of joy he had felt at the old you, briefly rearing her head.

Kento emptied his hands for long enough to flip you to your back, binding your arms to the bed again, ripping your shirt and bra open at the middle, exposing your breasts and belly. Kento grabbed your nipple roughly, yanking it until you squealed, slapping it hard with a gravelly chuckle.

"Don't spill my drink." Kento ordered, picking his glass up, placing it on your chest, between your breasts. You faltered, stock still, staring up at him, uncertain.

"...I-- what?" Kento's slim brown eyes burned down at you, teasing the dildo against your sloppy cunt, before ramming it into you. You instinctively moved to squirm away with a cry, understanding almost a moment too late, the meniscus of the whiskey kissing the lip of the glass. You stilled completely, shuddering at the cold rubber filling your cunt to the belly, squelching with Kento's cum.

Kento hissed between his teeth, face twisted with nasty glee. He looked so animated, so alive with this hedonistic torture, such a far cry from who he once was.

"Close," he taunted, leaning down to brush his lips over yours, pulling away as you moved to kiss him, satisfied to hear you swear under your breath as he denied you. Kento flipped the wand vibrator in his hand deftly, switching it on and clicking to max out the vibration.

"Don't...spill my drink." Kento repeated slowly, pressing the brutally vibrating wand directly against your clit.

You saw stars, your body moving to convulse reflexively, and you gritted your teeth, eyes fixed on the wobbling glass on your sternum. Your legs shook, the pleasure too harsh to be enjoyable, feeling yourself being unwillingly dragged towards a bone-wracking orgasm.

"Kento please-- please stop please please-- I can't do it I can't keep still I can't--" You babbled at Kento, tears streaming, certain he may not acknowledge your safe word even if you did squeeze it out. Only your desperation to win him back stopped you from even trying.

"Then die here." Kento shrugged, stroking himself again as he pressed the wand harder against your clit, thrilled to hear you scream in anguish. Your orgasm hit you with stunning force, harsh wracks of pleasure pounding through you as your body remained rigid. Still, the whiskey did not spill.

Your teeth gritted around your cries, and you met Kento's eyes with a ferocity that used to make him hard in seconds. His cock twitched in his hand in memory, pre-cum dripping down to wet his fingers. Baring his teeth in a snarl now, Kento knelt between your legs, grabbing the dildo and fucking it into you with harsh strokes, pressing harder with the punishing vibrations of the wand.

Your body was on fire, every part of you burning, from bruised bound wrists, to your feet, crackling with electric overstimulation. You cursed, spitting out tearful bile at Kento.

"--Kento-- stop it-- you fucking monster-- I hate you-- you fucking left me and I hate you so just stop it--"

Kento grinned, growling out as he continued his messy overstimulation of you; "There! There she is! That's my girl...make me proud!...shit, you're a mess. Don't spill it now." As another orgasm hit you, a primal hideous landslide, you screamed with your head thrown back, woefully unable to dissipate the pleasure through movement.

Suddenly full of unbridled rage, the years of grief and abandonment pouring out of you, you snapped, certain you wanted to hurt him as he had hurt you.

The glinting madness in Kento's eyes, the way his hand worked his rigid cock harder as he released his grasp on the dildo, now ramming it back into you with his knee...he wanted this. He wanted you pouring with spite. With rage. He wanted the venom and the hatred. He wanted the raw unbridled loyalty that you promised him through this humid obsession.

"--let me go-- KENTO. I'm warning you--"

Kento laughed, rich and earthy, as he gripped you by the throat, pinning you to the bed. Your body was exhausted, groaning, all bone-deep and guttural aches. By the time your third orgasm hit, you were floppy, the whiskey glass tilting on you just too sharply--

--before being snatched up by Kento, who drained it in one thirsty gulp. Pulling the sex toys out of you and tossing them aside, Kento moved to line his cock up with your entrance. Full of tearful anger, you kicked, hard, fighting back against him as he laughed, encouraging you-- "Fight me-- come on girl, COME ON--"

Kicking out again, spitting acid at Kento, berating him for leaving you, berating him for the twisted hatred you had endured alone for the miserable job you did, you cried, all bitter spite and loneliness. Kento caught your legs, forcing them open, pressing himself between them. He jabbed his cock between your folds as you squirmed, struggling up the bed, until Kento folded over you, grasping you by the back of the neck, and pulling you up for a searing kiss-- the first time you had tasted him in years.

Kento took advantage of your gasp, and invaded you with his tongue and cock, fucking sloppily between your legs, cursing into your mouth, until he met your entrance, slamming himself in to the hilt. Kento gripped you by the hips, thrusting into you while he slammed your pussy against him. He immediately set a feral pace, intent on claiming the last scraps of you, if he couldn't get you out of Jujutsu society alive. "--not gonna-- haaah-- let you die here-- fuck, good girl, good fucking girl, take it-- FIGHT ME--"

Every time you tried to buck and kick, and throw him out of you, Kento cupped your jaw, kissing you just like he used to, disarming you as you bit into his forearm planted beside your cheek. Kento kept up his punishing pace, reaching up to release the belt as he groaned into your throat, biting the delicate skin there. The briefest flicker of warmth passed over him, to feel your hands clutch at his chest, still trying weakly to push him off you. Kento reveled in your fight, your incessant struggling beneath him making his need to cum, to fill you again and make you his, urgent. You felt this in him, in his trembling arms and sloppy thrusts, all at once splitting you in two and completing you. Relenting, you allowed him to claim your mouth again, lips smooth and supple against yours, whiskey on his breath. Kento couldn't last any longer, and didn't want to; he finished with a broken rumble, all groans and whispered curses in your hair. Crushing you to the bed beneath his hulking body, you whimpered to feel his cock twitch and bound inside you, filling you again with sweet ache and seed. Kento rested on you, ignoring your gasping little breaths as you saw stars, buried beneath him. Swallowing away the lump in your throat, your mind swam with your fates; killed in battle or executed or on the run or hiding with filthy curse users or begging the higher-ups for mercy but all alone every one of them alone-- "...come with me." You blinked. Kento's back still heaved with exertion, his face buried in your neck. You felt a twinge, a prickle down your spine-- Cursed energy, approaching from a distance. "You have to decide...there's no time. I lie. I steal, and extort. I blackmail. I murder. I live in...in absolute luxury. You will never want for anything, while you're with me-- but you must be with me." You smiled. Another door had opened. Kento was the easiest decision you ever made.

[cybershock24601]

Haven't read the wingmaker job yet but keep seeing snippets from it and the best justification I have for why Illario is so different is because he's McFreakin' Losing It during the game. His house of cards is collapsing and to say he is not handling it well would be an understatement.

First, he has the cousin he's been mourning for a year and probably dealing with a very complicated mix of grief, guilt, and regret because he ordered Lucanis' death and still hasn't gotten what he wanted out of it- being made First Talon - and only lost his brother. Only to find out actually his cousin is alive, his grandmother has known the whole time and didn't say anything to him, and now his cousin is going to be coming back and Illario knows he's never going to be First Talon unless he does something. Then Lucanis is back and he's an abomination, a fate a lot of people in Thedas would say is worse than death and I'm sure Illario knows that Caterina would still pick Lucanis anyways even after she finds out what her poor boy has become.

Second, he needs to get rid of Caterina because it's clear she's not going to let him be First Talon ever. But he can't kill her. That's his grandmother who he has an incredibly complex relationship with and still craves her approval even though he knows he isn't going to get it, and after everything with Lucanis, I don't think Illario could go through with killing someone else close him considering how messed up he was after getting rid of Lucanis. Which also presents problems because is he just going to keep Caterina locked up for the rest of her days? What was the end goal in kidnapping her? I don't think Illario really thought it all through because he was panicking and had to think fast when he found out Lucanis was alive and coming back.

Third, Illario also has to deal with Zara. No matter what Illario's actual feelings towards her are, Illario still has to keep her thinking he's still interested and into her even after she betrayed him by capturing and torturing Lucanis for a year. Illario probably started making his deal with the Venetori long before you find out about it in the game seeing as he's already cozied up to Zara, so he's also having to play an entire organization for their support which probably gets a lot more complicated after he kills his main point of contact even if he likely frames it as Rook and Lucanis offing her.

Lastly, Illarrio has to think of the Crows and present himself as a properly grieving grandson and relieved that his cousin is back and manage House Dellamorte with his grandmother gone and Lucanis on contract. He's gotta gather support amongst the other Talons and allay suspicion and with so many different plates to balance and sheer emotional turmoil the guy is going through, it makes sense that he's dropping the ball on a lot of things during the game. Illario is stuck in a nightmare scenario and its one he set in motion himself with no way out and only the title of First Talon as consolation that everything he has done was worth it.

[imasoftieforbarb]

hey there! you kinda have seen me already by freaking out about Floyd he’s actually is what I wanted to request!

if it’s possible, could you write a little fic on how reader could be when they (pronouns are your opinion) found out about floyd being captured? OR HEAR ME OUT PLS—

reader is Floyd‘s partner (girlfriend/boyfriend, again your opinion) BUT was captured WITH him, bc all the time I was watching the movie I imagined them being with Floyd since young and bc of cliché drama I love *cries*

again it’s your option on doing it or not !!

I LOVE THIS IDEA! Okokokokok

You were childhood best friends- and when he joined the band? You became their manager!

You wanted to support him and you didn’t want to interrupt the whole boys only band so you went with next best thing!

After the failed show you try to keep everyone from leaving

JD tells you to move, and shoves you out the way when you try to block the door

Clay just shakes his head and leaves

Spruce lays a hand on your shoulder and whispers “look after them for me”

At first Floyd tries to leave without you- after giving Branch his vest, he asks you to look after him

You nodded- but the minute he was out of sight you started crying

“What are you waiting for girl? Go get him!”

Grandma tells you she’ll be fine looking after branch on her own so you run off after Floyd

“FLOYD! FLOYD WAIT!” You shouted, seeing his figure turn around, his eyes widening when he saw you running towards him.

“Y/n? What are you doing? I thought you were gonna look after Branch”- he started to say before he saw your tears

“Im not gonna watch the boy I have loves since who knows when walk out the door without him knowing how I feel” you panted taking his hand in yours and meeting his eyes shyly “we could be so good together, we can make this last forever!”

Floyd blinked a few times before laughing slightly “wow! I never thought that you’d like me- I mean I’m not the heart throb or the fun one”

You interrupted “I don’t like them! I like you! A lot”

“I like you a lot too-you sure you wanna come with me?”

You nodded and he grinned, intertwining your fingers and starting to walk away from the pod together, hand in hand as you talked about the future

Ok now- I’m gonna mix ideas here

Let’s say when he got captured you were still with him but not present at the time

So when you got back to the pod you and your long term boyfriend had made to see it wrecked with big foot prints leading away from it

You immediately assumed he’d been eaten by a Burgan

Absolutely heartbroken you fixed the pod back up on your own and fell into a grieving depression

Everywhere you looked you saw memories of him

And then far into the future one day- you get a letter

Supposedly from your dead boyfriend!

You- despite thinking that he was dead- were desperate to see him again, and if that lead to your death then so be it!

You got in your catterbug van called Chloe and head straight for the ‘mount rageous’ that the letter had specified

Once you got to the place this “Velvet and Veneer” we’re singing at you snuck in and noticed the dressing room door open a smidge

You peaked in slightly and felt your eyes water

There he was- Floyd was alive! You couldn’t believe it- you took a few steps back to grasp what you were seeing before a bumping into something.

You looked up and Veneer looked down at you before snatching you up and laughing slightly

“Wow! Another troll? I wonder which one you are? Either way- more talent for us I suppose!” Veneer muttered before entering the dressing room

Floyd looked up from his crossed legs as one of his captors Veneer walked into the room with something in his hand

He had been thinking of you- he always thought about you- between the torture of having his talent drained he dreamed of being back in your shared pod- in your arms

He startled from his thoughts as another diamond perfume bottle was slammed down onto the counter next to him, and felt his heart drop and eyes water when he noticed who was in it

Floyd waited for veneer to leave the room- probably to go get velvet to tell her the good news of having another troll to drain before standing up and pressing his hands to the wall of his prison

“Y-Y/n? Is- is that you?”

You nodded, already crying your eyes out just from looking at him

“What are you doing here? You shouldn’t have come- they’re gonna drain you-“

He stopped when he noticed your tears streaming down your face and had a déjà-vu moment of when you first told him you liked him

“I thought you were dead”

You whispered, dropping to your knees-

“There’s no way I would pass up a way to see you- I love you!” You pressed your hands against the diamond as well and he felt his eyes well with tears

“I love you too-“

Velvet came storming into the room and cackled when she saw your face fill with fear

“Oh- you are gonna be mine!” She said grasping the bottle and starting to walk back out

“NO!” Floyd shouted “not her, drain me first-“

Velvet sneered slightly

“Seeing as you’ve said that- no, I’m gonna drain her, veneer can have you. I want a newer talent”

She left the dressing room and the door slammed shut on Floyd- his tears finally falling

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

AAAAAA- should I do a part 2 taking place during the family harmony at the end of the movie? Let me know what you think!

[empressgeekt]

Sonic and The Black Knight - "Medival in a Modern World" fic summery

So, I've fallen back into the STH fandom for a hot minute. Falling down into the rabbit hole that is the Black Knight game. Which apparently has a small cult following? And if anyone has read my Pokémon fic, you know medieval meeting modern is one of my favorite tropes. So, After reading through such fics as "Coruscation" by @oz-qwin, "What Isn't Yours" by aTalewithEars, and the "Sonic Destiny AU" by @burning-stars98 I've been bitten by the Sonic X Arthurian tales bug. (Pls go read these other fics, the authors are very talented and their works deserve far more attention then they current have.)

So, taking some inspiration from the fic mentioned above, and my own headcanons/aus, here's my take on the knights of the round table being taken forward in time to the age of what ever the heck year the present is for the Sonic lore in fic summery form.

HeadCanons to keep note of For context!

Maria : This story will be featuring my own version of Maria Robotnik. She was revived as a Hedgehog using old DNA stores from PROJECT SHADOW with modified phenotypes, and chaos energy, to be used a psychological weapon against Shadow by a rogue branch of GUN, during an Event known as the Equinox War. Later on after being freed from the Rogue branch, she joined the front lines (that girl took a bullet to save her brother, she is not going to sit on the sidelines while he fights a war), mostly working in the desert zones, where she picked up swordsmanship from Zero the Jackal, and an enchanted blade of her own (this one is not from Camelot though). She starts working with Team Dark Post War, to stay close to family, but keeps in contact with all the friends she made in the Desert along with her own team, Team Sahara (Maria, Gadget the Wolf, and Zero the Jackal).

Equinox War: One year Post Forces, (this whole concept was written out before fronters was released) the world was kind of wrapped up in a second major conflict that is known as the Equinox war. That event was basically another ancient god-like being rising from her slumber that go so big that GUN had to get involved and they took a big hit in terms of resources. However, unlike before Eggman was just caught in the crossfire of the whole thing and didn't actually raise the deity.

Eclipse the Darkling: Eclipse had remained in hiding after the conflict on Angel Island, until he was captured by human forces and held for experimentation that less than legal. He was captive until mid Equinox War, where Shadow raided the base he was trapped in. Post rescue the brothers sort out there issues and bond while trying to locate the Dark Arms (Maria really got on their case as well, wanting her brothers to not kill each other). He still doesn't like humans, but it's more from a trauma stand point rather then looking at them as lesser. He joined up with GUN for the protection it offers him Post War, and to stay close with his brother and sister.

Zero the Jackal: Like many people of the fandom I was disappointed with Infinite's wasted potential and decided to do something about. After Forces, Eggman rips the phantom Ruby from his chest and dumps him in the desert to die. A fate that Zero is fine with at this point, he's lost everything and without the Ruby to manipulate his emotions his head is clear enough to finally grieve and accept his death. By some miracle Gadget finds him, and goes "No, you don't deserve this. If you feel guilty, then chase redemption, cause I'm not letting you give up." Zero does achieve this, by destroying all Phantom Ruby copies during the Equinox war, though it does cost him his left arm. And Gadget and Tails build him a prosthetic. His situation with Shadow is still kind of tense, but they play nice for Maria's sake.

(if you have any questions feel free to ask, if I missed the context)

Summery:

We start with Ivo Robotnik. Eggman had been sort of in the dry spell when it comes to evil schemes. He's been in a slump since the Equinox conflict and with GUN stretched thin, it was the perfect time to strike.

While plotting, Sage had been going through his old data files and stumbled upon some old notes from Gerald Robotnik. Eggman would at first dismiss it until he reads closer, and learns that during the early days of PROJECT SHADOW, his uncle, Maria's Father, had stumbled upon a number of tombs from a kingdom lost to time. Due to the relics inside the tombs it was believed they belonged to great warriors, and Eggman's Uncle ended up sending over some of the relics along with bone samples up to the ARK. With Eggman's curiosity peaked, he decides to explore his Grandfather's quarters on the ARK. Sure the place had been cleaned out during the initial invasion, but Gerald wasn't called a genius for nothing. Hidden in a secret compartment inside of his office, Eggman finds a collection of old swords and the bone samples. With that the mad doctor has his next plan to hatch. He would revive these warriors of old, and use them to Concur the WORLD!!!! Ivo is pretty confident in this plan. Modify one of his bases with the right equipment, and have metal steal a chaos emerald or two and he'd be golden! Right?...No way these guys would side with Sonic the blue rat.

Let's swap POVs real quick! Lancelot is very confused when he wakes up. After all the last thing he remembers is dying during the fall of Camelot. One final attack on castle town ended in a blaze that consumed all who were involved. He should be dead. So, how in his mother's name is he alive on a cold armored floor, surrounded by his comrades and son imprisoned in crystal chambers filled with unknown waters. Gawain, Percival and Galahad (Sir Lamorak's tomb was never found hence no revival) are released from their chambers not long after, and then a tall creature enters the room, a man dressed in strange garments with a mustache of utter fantastic propositions. Ivo Robotnik as he introduces himself, is some form of a wizard, who tells them he has used very powerful magic to summon them from beyond the grave to fight against evil forces who are now invading the land.

The next week is a confusing one. Robotnik fashions them new armor and while he claims to have their swords the Dr. has not returned them yet. There's a lot of conflicting emotions surrounding the whole ordeal. Lancelot is just mostly relieved that Galahad has been brought back along side him, as he had to learn that his son was slain on the same battlefield as he. Percival is quiet, though she is suspicious of Robotnik off the bat. Gawain is the first to get stir crazy, and wants to know they way to the exit, however he feels as if he owes Robotnik for his rebirth and should be loyal.

At some point Galahad ropes Gawain into exploring the base and they find some rather interesting things. First off clearly Robotnik is by far an incredibly powerful wizard, judging by the number of enchanted armor soldiers he wields and the fact that he has a daughter whom they mistake for a fae spirit, on a count of Sage's less corporal nature. However the most surprising fact they learn comes from the little servants that follow the Dr. around. Orbot and Cubot were the first of the enchanted armor suits they met, and they eventually let it slip that Lancelot's Bone was used once before in an experiment to make an Ultimate Warrior. Cubot is the one who rambles on about it, how there is no question since they look so similar, and how shadow betrayed Robotnik before Orbot shuts him up.

It's this discovery that raises a lot of questions. After all if warrior made from Lancelot's bone was anything like his father, why would he turn against Robotnik...unless he knew something they didn't. Unfortunately for them they have this conversation right in front of a set of security cameras and Sage let's Eggman know immediately. and he figures the plan is a bust, so he decides to terminate it before it gets any further. In the middle of the night the knights flee from badniks through out the facility, a chase that ends with Lancelot sending the other three away with magic and getting captured. Percival, Galahad and Gawain are tossed into a random spot on in the mobius country side. This place while outside is clearly not camelot, they are with out swords...and WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE UNDERWORLD HAPPENED TO THE MOON?!

Switching gears over. Sonic has been enjoying a little break from the mayhem of the Equinox War. Eggman had been quiet and peace restored, meaning he had a lovely few weeks of just freedom and hanging with his friends and brother. Of course, he knew this wouldn't last, it never did, and one night Tails' satellite picked up on a weird energy jump near the workshop on the Greenhill coast. Figuring it's the next big adventure, he grabs a flashlight and zips over to investigate. Only to find faces he never thought he would see again. Sonic remembers the fall of Camelot, burning alive by dragon fire, only to wake up in his room in Tails' workshop. He thought it was dream. Yet here stood three familiar faces he'd never thought he would see again. Their reunion is one of relief and shock. Still once pleasantries are exchanged, Sonic is down to help them, their his friends and its his job to stop Eggman at whatever the doctor is planning. He takes them to Tails' workshop, to further a plan and to get Tails' on the hero network, or a web of communication between Mobius' heroes he set up for easy information exchange. The Fox was underneath the impression that the whole Camelot thing was a dream too, but isn't that phased by the bizarre situation.

While Gawain and Percival are exstaic to find that they had been reborn in the realm of their King. Galahad is a little more worried. Out of the three he had the least interactions with Sonic while in Camelot, he and Lamaork were out on a training journey for most of his short rule, and only came back for the fall. Getting his father out of Robotnik's hands is his priority, after all snuffing a life was far easier then bringing on back to life, and the Doctor was capable of both or worse things. And while Sonic does want to get Lancelot back, Galahad feels as if merely the five of them will be enough. So, he asks if they could locate his brother, as surely he'd want their father back as soon as possible. Sonic and Tails are confused at first but once Galahad explains what Cubot told him, their faces drop and they utter one word, "Shadow."

It's decided after this revelation that they have to involve Team Dark, one they have the most experience with infiltration and have access to GUN resources, two if Lancelot is Shadow's dad, they can't not tell Shadow with how touchy the topic of family is to the dark hedgehog. Sure, he had definitely mellowed out since Maria was revived and Eclipse was reformed (these three are a trio of chaos siblings who get their happily every after, and I will die on this hill), but his history with parental figures were never the best, with the at best brainwashing him and at worst trying to kill him. Still Shadow will likely be more upset the longer they keep it from him, so Sonic, along with Gawain and Galahad travel off to the cities since Rouge isn't picking up her phone, while Percival and Tails try to locate the base Eggman is likely using for his main base this scheme.

By the time they make it to team dark's apartment it's really late at night, but Sonic decides just to barge in anyway, after all Rouge can be nocturnal if she wants to be and Omega only needs to charge his chaos drive like once a week so at least one person is awake at all times. Omega answers the door and in order to wake up his flesh bag teammates he activates his intruder alarm system, the chaos that followed ended with several broken windows, shouting, a bunch of crying dark arms and a flaming sword stuck in the living room wall.

Galahad knows his brother the moment Shadow runs into the room. The spinning image of their father, down to sleepy sneer. What he didn't expect was for this reptilian creature to growl at him when he got close to his brother. Several family realizations happen in the next coming moments. Galahad learns of Maria, who is technically his sister due to her new body being built from left over DNA samples from PROJECT SHADOW, just with altered phenotypes so she resembled her human self, and Shadow having a half brother from a race the lived in the stars.

Shadow doesn't take learning of his hedgehog heritage well, as far as he's concerned Lancelot is a stranger. Sure, he'll rescue the knight from Eggman, but only because he's being held against his will..and maybe because he wants a blood test just to be sure. Maria is a little more open, she gets the whole stranger thing, however she can't deny that it makes sense. Her human father and grandfather were obsessed with old legends, even going so far as to read tales of the round table to her as bedtime stories when she was little. That along with the passion she found for swordfighting after being revived is enough prove for her. Eclipse just wants to back to bed, he has four little ones all of which were rudely awakened in the middle of the night. He does not have time for family issues, besides technically this has nothing to do with his side of the familial tree. However, he does keep a mental eye on Shadow's mind through the hive just to make sure his big brother is okay.

Rouge goes into spy mode once given a directive. She knows this situation might become explosive if they don't start focusing on a mission plan. She video calls Tails and the fox reveals their findings along with what the Chaotix have after getting in touch with them. Sadly their findings had been meagre so far but they've narrowed down a few hidden facilities, Rouge with GUN Intel can cut out a few more, and Shadow and Maria know the revival process and what type of environment is needed for it to work properly. Unless Eggman built an entire new base for this plan which is unlikely due to a shortage of resources post war, they narrow it down to one location. They call Topaz for a ride and to watch the dark arms while they're gone and the mission is on.

While on the plane ride to the base. Galahad and Percival talk about Shadow. Galahad is rather disappointed Shadow acts so distant, he's always wanted siblings. Maria has been sweet, but she still feels detached and Eclipse hasn't talked to him period. The cat revealing that she had read over the files that Tails had on Shadow's birth. The information explains some things but not others, the closeness between Shadow and Eclipse is explained by some magic linking the two as Black Arm "Princes", being born from the Black Arm king's blood, however how did Maria fit into the picture? What happened to Shadow's other parent? Did he perish? Where was the Black Arm kingdom? Did it crumble? Leaving Shadow without a family or crown to inherit? Is the reason Shadow is so distant with him because he doesn't want to replace the Black King with their father? Sadly however, Galahad doesn't get to dwell on his questions, as he has to watch as his brother and king jump out of the flying machine for an air drop assault.

Omega, Rouge and Tails with air support keep the badniks outside busy, while the rest of the team goes inside. First the stumble upon a storeroom that thankfully has Caliburn. However, it becomes rather evident that this whole thing was trap, as soon they come face to face with Metal Sonic and a Roboticized Lancelot, wielding Arondight. A fight quickly breaks out, the rest of them covering Maria as she tries to jerry rig the equipment in the room to try and reverse the change. Eventually Metal gets knocked to the side, and this gives Maria chance she needs successfully reversing the transformation, much to everyone relief. However the moment is short lived, Metal is never down for long, and to escape he shoots the still woozy Lancelot.

A hasty retreat is call, cause good lord, a hedgehog should not lose this much blood. A GUN medical center is happy to take Lancelot in, however they need information from a next of kin and Galahad knows nothing of their modern medicine. Shadow and Maria thankfully step in at that point (they know how to talk to doctors), and they settle in for the long wait. At some point Shadow drags Galahad off to the showers, the grey hedgehog still being covered in blood. Which leads to a little bonding between the two. Commander Tower comes down to figure what the hell is happening, because when his assistance came running to him saying "Shadow" was just admitted to surgery, he thought there was a new weapon threatening the world. Only to be less then thrilled with the whole medieval knights thing, since it means a lot of paper work for him.

Eventually, Everyone (including Lancelot, he's at major risk for post-op infection at the hospital, and Shadow, Rouge and Maria are first aid trained) just heads back to the Team Dark Apartment and once there set up, crashes. Shadow gives up his bed for Lancelot, and bunks with Maria, who insisted on a "Sibling Sleep Pile", while everyone else piles on their massive couch. At some point in the night Maria realizes that Galahad never went to sleep, staying perched at his father's bedside despite looking half dead, and drags him to join her and her other brothers and the Dark Arms for the night.

Galahad wakes up the next morning, too Shadow and Eclipse leaving the room. He follows them and is roped into helping them make breakfast. The grey hedgehog ends up asking about the whole Hive mind thing, since it's very clear the other two are having a conversation without speaking. He quickly learns that Eclipse talks a lot more willingly then Shadow, however when the Topic of Black Doom comes up and Galahad starts pushing a little two far, Eclipse subtlety points out Shadow's back scars from the Doom Wings. Galahad quickly catches on, and his opinion of the Black king drops greatly. Once the smell of fresh waffles hits the air, the other occupants start to wake up. Rouge makes coffee (giving straight beans for Shadow and Maria, with a disgusted look), and maybe hooks Gawain on the stuff.

The topic of finding the other blades come up, at this point all they have are Caliburn and Arondight, and reasonable that Eggman took the others with him as he escaped. So, they spend a few hours making plans to go Eggman hunting. Sonic pulls, Tails, Gawain, Percival and Omega out into the field to get information, and start tracking. They take shifts looking around, using the Team Dark Apartment, and Tails' workshop as home bases. During this time a number of interactions happen. When Galahad is ordered to take a break from sitting at his father's bedside he's sparing with either one of the knights or trying to learn some of the battle tactics his new brothers and sister employ. Sonic would take Gawain over to Angel Island to see what Knuckles knows and the echidnas get along like water and rain. While Rouge introduces Percival to the wonderful world of grave robbing.

Lancelot wakes up a couple days later. Galahad was forced to go to bed once 1 am rolled around, so Sonic and Gawain took over watching the wounded knight. They get him caught up, before bringing in Galahad, leading to a touching father-son reunion. Bullet wounds aren't fun to heal from, so despite waking up he's still pretty much not field ready yet. So, he has to entertain himself with speaking to those taking short breaks from searching. This gives him to talk to his sons knew siblings the sheer number of them, unknown to him but not unwelcome. Maria and Eclipse are the most open to talking. The former being polite, curious about more swordsmanship techniques and very willing to explain modern inventions, and the latter, while clearly not Lancelot's by blood, is still clearly a child on some level and will blabber on about anything given the chance. Shadow however, is distant, much to Lancelot's disappointment. Galahad would mention that the scars on Shadow's back were from his (and Eclipse's) other parent, and the elder knight's opinion of Black Doom drops greatly. No father, King or not, should ever harm their child.

Eventually the search for the other swords leads to the desert zones, and Maria pulls in Team Sahara, since no way in heck are they surviving the desert without a guide. Zero and Gadget happy to help, if Eggman is hiding out in their territory they want him gone. Even if their a little baffled by the whole knight situation (Z: how are you not weirded out? G: At this point I can't even question it anymore. M: You're weirded out, I'm living it!) Using connections to the gangs on the outer bend they find where the doctor is hiding. Long story short they take out the base and reclaim the swords.

Meanwhile, Galahad pulls Shadow out on a different mission. The young knight had noticed that while Shadow has accelerated healing, his father's has been lacking. So, he's been begging to see if they can find grandmother's lake. It was always her magic that aided Lancelot. Shadow indulges, though he's skeptical, sure spirits and immortal beings lasted a long time, but they never lasted forever. They could be killed, either by someone's hand or their power running out. Lakes hardly lasted in the modern world, they drain with dams or the landscape changes. Galahad holds on to hope until they manage to uncover the ruins of the lake. It's just another reminder that this is not the world they left so long ago. Shadow eventually asks if the lake was spring fed, and that leads them to a cave, and what's left of Nimue. She is not as strong as she once was. A fae coming to the end of her lifecycle, and unable to communicate beyond a disembodied voice. It breaks Galahads heart, but Nimue comforts him with the knowledge that while she is nearing the end, what she has left is much longer in mortal time. In return, he introduces Shadow, who Nimue is thrilled to meet. However, as much as it pains her she cannot help Lancelot. Once he is well he can return to her for her to restore the enchantments she placed upon him as an infant so long ago, but the distance is too far now. Shadow's magic comes from a different source (black doom's blood), hence no need for enchantments.

In the end, Eggman is beaten back, but he'll return. He always does. This whole situation makes Sonic think about how it would've been easier, if they had better contact with all the other heroes of the world. From an off comment from Caliburn, he starting thinking that maybe the whole table thing might need to be brought back, though it would need a better name.

---

Been awhile since I was part of this fandom. So, let me know you're thoughts?

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Nadia with an MC who’s really close to her sisters and parents due to not having a family of their own (for reasons which I’ll leave vauge so your creativity can fill them in) perhaps ?

The Arcana HCs: MC with M6's family

~ oh, we love some good found family! thanks for the request, @dameschnee123! I had fun work shopping this request with you ^.^ - brainrot ~

Julian

Let's be clear: Mazelinka's first feeling upon meeting you was relief. And she experiences it again every single time she can sense that Ilya (the rascal!) is getting into trouble again because she knows that he listens to you at least (and you seem to be sensible)

She doesn't expect you to fix him, but she's been watching him wander around with too many empty spots in his heart for way too long and she's glad you've found a home with him there

She is going to pass on all the advice, all the embarrassing childhood stories, and regularly threaten to replace him with you

Portia's a little jealous at first, not gonna lie

She's been looking up to and trying to keep up with her older brother for years, and now you've popped up out of nowhere and you have all of his love and attention! (she's more annoyed than she is upset, though)

If anything, you make it easier for her to reconnect with him. They last knew each other as kids, and having you around helps them become friends again as adults

Dinners with the four of you often devolve into Julian and Portia telling you "how it actually happened" while Mazelinka threatens them with her spoon to keep the noise down

Asra

Both Asra and their parents are so glad you're around, and while none of them would pressure you, they're all very eager to treat you like part of the family

On Asra's part it's obvious. He wants to make you a constant in his life, and having you around makes it easier for him to face emotionally difficult situations (like reconnecting with his parents)

Aisha and Salim feel that keenly. They love you right away for what you mean to their precious child, and they'll quickly come to love you for who you are as well

Aisha's mama-bear instincts are going to flare up just as quickly for you as they do for Asra. Arcana help the poor fool that causes you any form of pain

Salim, on the other hand, bonds with you over your magic and your shop. An ability as versatile as yours captured his interest as soon as he saw it, and he could spend hours browsing your collection

Aisha loves having you over for tea - regardless of whether or not Asra or Salim can make it. It becomes a weekly thing

Salim will stop by for a five minute purchase and then spend hours telling you about his latest ideas (much to Asra's embarrassment)

Nadia

You're about to be spoiled rotten

And dragged into lots and lots and lots of "spirited debates"

Nasrin is the slowest to warm up to you, only because it takes a while before she has the chance to be in the same space as you without also needing to be the Queen of Prakra

Namar has no such qualms and adopts you immediately, as do Navra and Natiqa. You are about to get dragged into so many shenanigans with them (Nadia thinks they're terrible influences)

Thankfully, Nasmira and Nafizah are quick to notice when the madness becomes a little more intense than you want it to be and will either give you an out (Nasmira) or stop the whole thing (Nafizah)

Nahara never indicates when she decides that you're part of the family, but you notice when she starts shifting her stance to keep an eye on you as well as her sisters

Nazali, being the sister most removed from royal life, will often seek you out for the sole purpose of talking to someone "normal"

There's an ongoing battle over who will be your shop's benefactor. Nadia's waiting to tell them that she owns half your stocks

Muriel

He didn't think that he had family

Or if he did, he always assumed that they hadn't wanted him

Having you by his side as he learned the truth gave him the courage to accept it, grieve over it, and grow from it

It means so much to him that there's someone he can talk to who also met Khamgalai and who is able and willing to visit the Steppe and decipher the tapestries with him

Speaking of Khamgalai, she still talks to you both all the time. It's not uncommon for her to ask you to interfere when Muriel chickens out halfway through an embarrassing baby story

She has so many baby stories - about him, about his parents, about his cousins ...

And, oh dear. She's very eager for the two of you to have babies of your own. It doesn't have to be by biological means, just adopt a kid or two or five or ten already!

She knows for a fact that Muriel has a deeply nurturing nature and would be a wonderful mentor and she's convinced that if she points out to you what perfect husband and father material he is you'll help her persuade him. (which makes him flush every time)

Portia

Ilya tried to give you the shovel talk, okay?

The only problem was that his heart wasn't in it because he had just watched you and Pasha empower each other so much that you two took down the world together and he's just a little intimidated

To his relief, Mazelinka was quick to hijack it and serve you a proper threat ("Exactly! What she said!" etc)

He doesn't want to admit it, but it was really because he's learned how ticked Pasha gets if he acts too protective and he doesn't want her to get angry at him again

Mazelinka, Portia, and you have regular get-togethers to sort out exactly what's going on with that delicious soup. Portia wants to learn how to make it, and you want to decipher its magical properties. Mazelinka is amused by your observations

Julian will often mysteriously appear and claim that he's not interested, magic's not for him, he's just here to read his book, but he's peeking over the edge and adding his two cents the whole time

Portia loves inviting them up to the cottage for family dinners and it's always a fun time. You didn't know it was possible to bruise a rib from laughing too hard, but you quickly discover that it is

Lucio

Family is a touchy matter for him

The biggest reason being that he tried to kill his own (and succeeded, in his father's case) and then ran away from them

Which is why, when it comes to the possibility of starting a family with you, he is absolutely convinced that it will end with one of his kids attempting the same thing

It doesn't help that Morga points this out every time you make contact with her, only to finish with something vaguely threatening along the lines of "children are the blessing we deserve"

If you have hair that can be braided, she will braid it every time she sees you and scold Montag for not taking better care of you

Never calls you her child out loud, treats you like the family favorite

Which Lucio notices, and whines about, but is secretly pleased by because you are one of the few decisions he's made that his mother approves of

Lucio will often ask you to tell her things on his behalf because he's convinced she'll respond better if it's coming from you

This does not work, because after giving you a curt nod she will promptly hunt him down with exactly the reaction he was avoiding

[therantfairysblog]

Trust

"what?'

The two having a nice tea break after their daily training. Iguro sitting there with him caressing kaburamaru.

"I'm serious, shinazugawa. I feel like, this is it. This whole calmness before a storm, everything is quite unsettling to me. And i think i need to entrusted kaburamaru to someone. I feel like you are really good with animal you know" with his mask hiding his mouth, shinazugawa didn't really captured his expression, but there's really some serene sadness in his voice.

"....well you sure as hell you want me to take care of him as if I'm surely come out alive, what a confident" shinazugawa chuckled.

"Yes I'm sure of it," the seriousness in his tone take him aback. Iguro was always a serious and strict person but he feel that today, he looked like he already make up his mind for something.

"shinazugawa, I'm fine if you want to entrust him to others. Kaburamaru is a good helper, i just don't want him to be lonely" iguro drank his last drop of tea.

"Well...if you said so, plus if i got the mark, I'll probably don't live long anyway,"

Iguro just smiled.

........

He opened up his eyes with the sound of people crying his name. The curse is the one he let out when his dad just simply push him out from death. What a shitty old man.

"shinazugawa sama is waking up! Please checked on him"

He doesn't feel anything. His body hurt like a hell but he feel numb. The final look his brother give him before fading away still stuck in his brain. Perhaps for as long as he live.

His ears hearing the chaos surrounding him. People are dying now huh. Well that shitty demon finally gone so i guess... it's time to pay the price. His eyes grow bigger when one of the kakushi screaming.

"Serpent hashiraa and love hashira over there!!! First aid!!"

"..... I'm so sorry, they both... gone. We late"

"....write their name in the record. Give message to the kasugai crows." The chaos among them keep him awake.

"i see..." shinazugawa mumbling and just like that, he lost another friend, he really didn't know what to feel. Laughing? Crying? His life feel like a joke at that point.

His eyes keep watching the kakushis cleaning up the place, he watch one of them putting a little snake into a box carrier. Kabu...

"Hey you, come here...'

"Shinazugawa sama, yes, please don't force yourself to get up," the kakushi who bring kaburamaru come towards him.

"leave kaburamaru with me... I'll take care of him..."

"...of course, but shinazugawa sama need to be treated first.," the kakushi bring the carrier with kaburamaru in it. Putting it beside him.

"...hey, is there any hashira left ...that kamado guy and his friends...are they okay?" shinazugawa asked silently. Now that's it's over, everything come to his mind. The silent sobbing of the kakushi answering him

"...kamado sama....pulse.... aren't....only Tomioka sama is alive but he is in a bad condition..."

".....i see," his hand reaching out kaburamaru, caressing his little head. The animal looked very distraught. Of course. ' Kabu kun....you are grieving too aren't you...? I'll do my best, you'll not alone..."

"Kaburamaru is my best friend....i hope he'll be happy and live a long life..."

And the world getting dark again. He fall asleep. How he wish this is only a nightmare. How he wish that.

[chocolatespringonion]

I've got a one-shot idea, hopefully it will come into realization by my hands in the future. I think you all know where I got inspiration from. In the mean time I'll share the outline here.

Time: post S3 of The Boys

Homelander was in the pinnacle of human society, no one can rival him. After he took in Ryan he didn't expect his own son to try assassinating him.

Homelander : Why...?

Ryan : You're a monster. You think everyone loves you when they cheer your name but they don't. They all fear you but doesn't dare retaliate against you. But I'm their last hope! You always told me to be a great hero and I'm going to be one. Just not like you.

Betrayed by his own son, Homelander didn't have any other choice but to kill him himself. As he cradled Ryan's lifeless body in his own hands he thought to himself, why is it so hard for anyone to love him when he had tried so hard?

Homelander went to sleep that night as he grieved of his lost son.

When he woke up, he was in an unfamiliar bedroom, in unfamiliar clothes. The door opened revealing Hughie with a tray of breakfast, "Oh, You're up already? I wanted to surprise you but you surprised me instead. Did you sleep well, John?"

Homelander froze when his real name was used. Usually he would hate it to death when people use his real name because there was always a trace of disdain and fear towards him when they use it, but hearing his name spoken without a hint of malice and instead the unfamiliar feeling of... what is it... affection? Made him felt comfortable.

Homelander : Why are you calling me, John?

Hughie : So am I supposed to call my husband by his hero name now? Okay, The Homelander, hurry up and finish breakfast then shower. The others are going to be here soon.

When Hughie left the room Homelander couldn't help but felt like he had done something wrong...

Wait–husband?

After Homelander finished showering he heard noises outside, familiar noises. When he exit the shower he saw Butcher and anger boiled in him. He unconsciously moved and slammed Butcher to the wall, ready to kill him. He was tugged by a short boy who was clearly afraid of him but braved himself, "Don't hurt him, Uncle John." Afterwards Becca picked the boy up and moved away from Homelander.

Homelander noticed the boy, they called, Ryan is different from his son. The boy had dark hair and hazel eyes, different from his Ryan's blonde hair and blue eyes.

"John! Let him go!" Now Hughie was in the picture angrily looking at him. He could hear the other's heartbeat, everyone was afraid of him except of Hughie. He unconsciously obeyed.

Butcher fell to the ground and Hughie helped him stand. He muttered apologies to both Billy and Becca and saying they'll visit the others house in the future instead. So the couple left.

Homelander was sitting down and staring blankly on the sofa. He couldn't make sense of what's happening around him. Hughie was about to get angry at Homelander but noticed the other not being himself, he seemed to be anxious and Hughie could swore he regressed back to his past self.

Hughie cupped the other's cheek, "Hey, are you okay? Breathe with me. Hear my heartbeat." He took one of Homelander's hand and put it on his neck, showing his own vulnerability. "Feel my pulse. I love you, John."

Love. That was all he wanted. He loved Maeve and believed it when she said she loved him, but in the end she hated him the whole time. He tried to seek comfort in Madelyn, he wanted any type of love the other could give. At first he was jealous of the little creature Madelyn has and wanted to capture her attention by acting out, then suddenly their love turned from maternal to romantic and he will take whatever love she was willing to give him. But in the end, she didn't love him, she was afraid of him.

Then he met Becca and Ryan, he thought they could be a happy family together and that he would finally be loved as a family. But Becca refused to forgive him and to even give him a chance, but Ryan was albeit willing to trust him so he figured he could make things right. Afterwards he met Stromfront, he had hated her in the beginning but she slithered her way into his heart, uttering words sweet as honey into his hear and he believed that she loved him he thought finally someone will love him. He was willing to love her even if she had become a cripple and disfigured as long as she loved him back but he realized what she loved was not him. It was the idea that she could use him to create her ideal world and when he refused, she killed herself, on his birthday.

Next he only had Ryan, but a miracle happened and Soldier Boy who he found out was his father came back. His heart sang in happiness, he thought all his life that he didn't have parents and he had one. He could finally have the family he always hoped, someone who will love him unconditionally. His hope was crushed when his own father was disappointed in him and tried to kill him.

All these time, Ryan was the one by his side. The one that believed him, the one that's willing to stay with him. He poured his heart hand soul into raising Ryan, hoping one day he could see the love in his eyes directed towards himself. But like everyone else, Ryan betrayed him and Homelander had to kill him with his own hands.

Why? Why? Why? Why is it so hard for someone to love him?

The flooding memories triggered his anger but he heard those words once again from the man in front of him, "I love you, John. I'm always going to be here, with you." Hughie smiled and looked at him with eyes full of... Love.

That was all he wanted.

Hughie leaned in to kiss him and Homelander never felt this kind of kiss before. The previous times was always laced with fear or lust but this time, he can feel every inch of warmth and affection the other could offer and it made his heart spark with joy. Finally, someone who truly love him.

Their kiss broke when a loud bang was at the door and another version of himself showed up by the door. "Hughie! Get away from him, that's not me!"

Homelander was thrown to the ground by the other him and they fought.

John : I've been to your world and it sickens me. You're fucking disgusting. Go back to your twisted world.

Homelander was about to continue fighting when Hughie jumped up in front of the other Homelander. "You can't hurt him."

Homelander who saw all this was once again heartbroken. "It's not fair. Why won't anyone be by my side. He's me but why am I the only one who is never loved?!! Why won't anyone fucking love me?!!"

Seeing how broken Homelander was, Hughie wanted to go over and comfort him when his husband stopped him. They both saw Homelander became transparent and he disappeared completely. He really pitied him, from the way Homelander spoke he must've been hurt badly in his original world. Is that what his husband would've been if Hughie wasn't with him?

Homelander who was back in his own world destroyed his own apartment building venting out his anger and frustration. Why was the universe so cruel letting him see the life he always wanted but doesn't let him have it.

"It's not fair.... why not me?"

[dcwildwestfest]

Mod's "Most Wanted" - Destiel Western Recs

Howdy! Here are a few fic recs to get you in that Wild West spirit! 🤠

The Shawnee Trail | emmbrancsxx0 (@valleydean)

In 1887, Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak lead a peaceful life in Lawrence, Kansas. Dean and Sam are stagecoach messengers for Wells, Fargo and Castiel is the town doctor. When Castiel's patient, Kelly Kline, knocks on their door one night about to give birth, she asks for the Winchesters and Castiel's help in protecting her son against one of the west's most notorious outlaws. To fulfill that promise, the men set out on a journey full of shootouts, trouble with the law, gambling, and an important discovery: Dean and Castiel really need to define the nature of their relationship.

Hunter's Caress | Ltleflrt (@ltleflrt)

Castiel Jameson won't rest until the outlaw who murdered his brother faces justice, and Dean Winchester is the only man alive who can help him track the villain down. Some say Winchester is a cold-blooded killer himself; others say he'd been wronged his whole life. All Castiel knows is that the desire glinting in Dean's green eyes is even more dangerous than he is. Castiel fights to keep his mind on business, but during the long nights on the trail with the dangerously handsome hunter he finds himself dreaming of yielding to Dean's illicit kisses and losing himself in lawless passion. Dean Winchester is about to hang when Castiel saves his neck with his crazy plan. But dying might be better than spending day and night playing nursemaid to such an infuriating city slicker. He appreciates the stubborn detective's desire for justice, but he'd appreciate Cas a lot more if he'd stop being a lawman long enough to just be a man. He certainly has all the right equipment. Dean aches to run his fingers through Castiel's dark hair, yearns to know how Castiel's golden skin will feel against him. And before the coming of the next dawn, Dean vows to teach him the pleasures and sweet rewards of a Hunter's Caress.

Wheat Fields and Jars of Light | krisham, violue (@violue)

It's the mid-1880s. Grieving the loss of his twin brother, Castiel Novak is on a journey across Kansas to search for those responsible for his death. By horse, by carriage, by foot, he won't stop until he's hunted them down and gotten his revenge. What he finds, though, is that nothing in the world is quite what he thought it was.

Vagabonds | chevrolangels (@chevrolangels)

Dean is a sheriff in a tiny town in Colorado, restless and unsatisfied with his life. It's not like what he's read about in the dime novels since he was little, capturing dangerous outlaws and being the last word of the law. More like tossing the town drunk in a cell to sober up when they get a little too rowdy. But Dean's chance comes when a thief rolls through their town. He pursues the thief, which puts him right into the path of Emmanuel, a notorious outlaw. When he is captured by the outlaw and his gang to be held for ransom, Dean starts off on a journey he could have never envisioned, and learns that perhaps there's more to Emmanuel than meets the eye.

West (series) | Xela

Dean/Castiel set against the backdrop of the Wild West. In which Dean and Sam are Outlaw Hunters, and Castiel is a religious man.

4:08 to Tombstone | zuzeca (@lyresnake)

When minor outlaw Dean Winchester's beloved brother ended up on the wrong side of a robber baron with yellow eyes and a sadistic streak, Dean never expected to wind up in the Arizona Territory’s most notorious prison: The Pit. Nor did he expect, after years on the rack, to be sprung by former Federal Marshal and man of the cloth, Reverend Castiel Milton. Now, on the run from corrupt lawman Warden Alastair, the two men must learn to trust each other, or hang. When Castiel, lesser seraph of the Lord, descended into Hell to help rescue the Righteous Man, he never expected to be unwillingly cast in Dean Winchester’s repressed bisexual cowboy fantasy.

Sign-ups for the DeanCas Wild West Fest open September 6th!

Check out the official rules, guidelines, and schedule here!

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x07 thoughts (and even more feelings)

Now that’s how you do a tribute. Wow. Even though I was well and truly crying by two minutes in (and probably cried through about half of the episode in total), I actually feel kind of honoured to have gotten to watch that, to feel not only the love that the other characters had for Arman, but also the love that the entire cast and crew had for Adan. And while I truly wish we’d never had to lose either of them, I’ll always be grateful to have gotten such a beautiful goodbye.

Sorry if parts of this come off a little confusing… I had so many thoughts about everything and couldn’t decide how to organise them... in hindsight, probably should have just gone chronologically haha, but oh well. Here goes. 

Thony /Armony.

Honestly I’m impressed I managed to get a whole 90 or so seconds into the ep before the tears started, especially when it opened with Thony looking absolutely wrecked, sitting at a table with a bottle of alcohol, her buddha, some used tissues, and every piece of evidence she has about who was responsible for Arman’s kidnapping… and then for her to just shove it all to the floor and put her face in her hands?? Ugh, my baby. Her conversation with Fi was so devastating from both sides; on Thony’s part because losing Arman has broken something vital in her, and on Fi’s part because she can see the true extent of Thony’s pain as well as the dangerous path that Thony’s heading down (fixating on getting justice/vengeance for Arman rather than just letting herself grieve), and she knows she can’t stop either of them. And ugh then immediately after, when Luca has lost his beloved toy and the writers hit us (and Thony!) with: “That’s okay, my love. Sometimes we lose things and it’s… it’s fine to be sad about it.” Her face as her brain registers the truth of the words coming out of her mouth, even as she knows she can’t follow her own advice… ouch. And speaking of painful, the choice of Thony’s outfit for the wake haunts me; she’s covered head to toe in white (the traditional Cambodian mourning colour), and she’s also wearing the buddha necklace that we’ve previously seen her touch for comfort in stressful moments… I’m certain no one but us and Fi would be able to read the subtle lament of grief and pain that those choices represent. (And yet despite that, Fi still somehow thinks she can convince Thony not to go to the wake of the man she loves?? C’mon now Fi be real here lol) 

But ugh, that big breath Thony takes before getting out of the elevator at La Habana, her eyes closed and hands clutching tight at her jacket? Having to prepare herself to step into this space, his space, and be faced with the reality of his absence? And then even when Jorge tries to intercept her and turn her away for her own safety, she brushes him off and goes straight for Arman’s altar, because lbr, nothing’s keeping her away from this, from him. Her openly saying “We both lost him” to Nadia was honestly a surprise because of how clearly it indicated she was putting them both in the same category– aka both women who truly loved him, both of them made ‘widows’ by his loss??? Damn, that was more direct than I expected her to be. And ugh when she says to Ramona: “All I ever wanted was to bring Arman home” (...) “I need answers too. I don’t know how to move on from here.” I think that statement really captures one of the major aspects of both the episode and of Thony’s character: how utterly lost she is now. When Arman was missing, Thony had a goal to focus on. Even from S1, it was pretty clear that with any difficulty that was happening in her life, Thony could get through it as long as she had something to strive for, some way to keep moving forward. Like fighting to get treatments for Luca (and more recently, preventing CPS from taking him away). Outwitting Garrett and the FBI. Getting Arman free of Kamdar’s debt. Getting Fi home after her deportation. And of course, finding Arman and bringing him home. But now that he’s dead, the ‘difficulty’ that she’s facing has no solution. He’s just gone, and there’s nothing she can do to change it, no way to solve or fix it. No matter what she does, she will never be able to achieve the goal of getting him back. (Yes, I cried writing that). And so that is exactly why, instead of just accepting his loss and letting herself grieve like Fi says, she fixates on the only thing she can do: confirm that Dante was responsible, and then make sure he doesn’t get away with it, even if it means walking straight into the lion’s den and accusing one of their own.

The scene when she stands by Arman’s altar and remembers the first time she came to La Habana was so painful to watch; back then, she came to him to save a dying Luca, and yet only like 4 months later, Arman is the one whose life has been cut short. Thanks to him, though, Luca is safe and healthy, and will likely lead a full and happy life. There’s something so poignant about Jorge bringing the drawing to her right at that moment, almost like it’s a sign from Arman that it’s okay, that Luca’s life was always more important than his own. And honestly I can’t believe that Thony admits what she does to Jorge– that she thought she and Arman would have more time, and that there was so much that she’d never gotten to say to him. Like wow, talk about a love confession?? She knew how she felt about Arman, but had kept pushing it aside, thinking that there would be time for it later; that eventually everything with the FBI and Kamdar and Luca and Fi would settle down and they would have the chance to really acknowledge what was between them. But now that chance is gone, along with everything they could have been, and she's grieving that as well as him. And while it’s a truth that she had a hard time even admitting to Fi, she knows that Jorge will get it, both as someone who loved Arman (and who missed out on a lot of time with him, and had a lot of things that went unsaid) and also as a man who has been through the loss of the love of his life. Honestly, Jorge could save Thony’s life a dozen times over and I’ll still never be as grateful to him as I was for the simple fact that he told her he thinks Arman knew all the things she never got to tell him. (And really, from everything we’ve seen… I think he’s right. Arman knew.). 

That moment was one of many punches to the heart from this ep, and honestly one of the most painful was when Thony is left to clean up Dante’s murder (and in that all-white outfit! Oh no), and she’s frantically trying to get Fi to leave, not only because she doesn’t want Fi involved in this dangerous world, but also because I think she knew she was seconds from completely falling apart and she didn’t want Fi to see it. The wobble in her voice as she says “Everything is fine now. Everything is over… it’s over” and then just immediately breaks down sobbing?? Devastating. Because like I said, the need to make Dante pay for what he did to Arman was the only thing keeping her together and functioning– and with one bullet, it was suddenly done, and what does she have left now?? Just inescapable grief and emptiness in the space that Arman used to occupy in her life. It’s all over now, and that's really highlighted by the fact that the first thing she does after finishing cleaning up the murder is to tell Fi that she’s walking away from the criminal world (mirroring 1x01 when she was dragged into it by cleaning a murder), and then goes straight to Arman’s altar to tell him goodbye. She doesn’t tell him how grateful she is– she’s already told him that, many times over the course of their relationship– but instead, she needs him to know she’s sorry, for everything that had led them here, and for the fact she couldn’t save him. And then ugh, her “I just hope you knew…” and the way her eyes close as a more mournful version of their theme/leitmotif starts to play, and we see all the flashes of her memories of him?? We may not have heard her say the word ‘love’ out loud but we didn’t need to. This entire episode was a love letter from Thony to Arman, her own personal velorio within a velorio. (Not to mention, in this article sent to me by @crwdgoinapeshit, Elodie specifically describes Arman as someone Thony 'loved a lot, if not the love of her life' ugh). And lbr if his parents hadn’t appeared at that moment and interrupted things, she probably would  have finished that sentence, and would have said aloud how much she loved him. But like Jorge said– he knew. He died knowing she loved him, and that she would carry a piece of him with her always. 

Ok I love that despite her having told Fi that she’d be right out in a minute, and having the opportunity to just easily walk away when the drama starts unfolding with Arman's parents, she simply looks at his picture again, and then walks over to join Nadia, like she’s telling him,  “Don’t worry. I’ll have Nadia’s back, and if needed I’ll do my best to keep your family from bringing the place down on all our heads.” And that choice turns out to be a significant one, because she overhears that Ramona’s middle name is Marina, just like the word Arman wrote in the dust– and just like that, it’s not over. She has a purpose again, and she’s not going to stop until she’s achieved it. The leader of one of the most dangerous cartels in the country took the man Thony loved, a man that was supposed to be family to Ramona, and now Thony is coming for her. And if that’s not fucking badass, I don’t know what is.

Ngl, I do feel a little bit like I need to write a scene-insert fic for the gap between when when Arman’s parents leave, and when Thony gets into the car with Fi, because I think there’s a rather important conversation that needs to happen there between Thony and Nadia– both a ‘we need to talk, later’ (regarding Ramona and Arman) and a ‘can I have this’ (regarding the mini caddy), because I would feel bad if Thony just took it without asking, especially given that Nadia herself felt so bad about accepting it from Isabel. But oh my heart, when she sat down with Luca and reminded him about Arman, and pulled out the mini caddy… and then the “I’m sure he would want you to have it” (he really would) and “But no matter what it went though, my friend only loved it more. Do you think you can keep it safe for him?” (Help, there’s a waterfall coming out of my eyeballs.) To watch the ep end with Arman and Thony driving off into the sunset together in the caddy was all kinds of rough… I know a lot of fans kind of wish that that was the ending we had for them, that we’d never gotten a S3 renewal and could instead all just live in a shared fantasy where Arman and Thony got to go on to lead full lives together. And honestly sometimes I feel that way too. But I have also loved and appreciated season 3, and I’m grateful to have had more time with this incredible cast, and also to say goodbye to Arman and Armony in such a beautiful way.

Fiona.

Once again, Fi is very much proving herself to be the Samwise Gamgee to Thony’s Frodo Baggins, from trying to convince her to stop and let herself grieve (like Thony tried to do for her after Marco’s death), to trying to protect her by keeping her from going to the wake, to realising that even if Thony is doing things she doesn’t agree with, she’s going to stand by her. Ngl I did feel for her with Thony’s very blithe “Don’t worry! If anyone’s gonna kill me, it’s not gonna happen at a wake!” because that’s hardly reassuring, Thony! And seriously can you imagine S1 Thony ever saying something like that??? I think our girl has spent a little too much time in the criminal underworld, and she’s starting to get desensitised– and Fi can see it, can see how both that desensitisation and Thony’s need for justice for Arman is leading Thony to go deeper and take risks that could easily backfire on her or their family. Ugh but that moment in the laundry when she really thinks about the lengths that she and Thony would go to for each other, and realises that while Thony is making some unfair decisions in the grip of her grief, Thony would also run straight into any danger for her without a second thought– and so she decides to do the same, because that's who they are to each other.

Honestly I’m proud of the guts it must have taken Fi to go to the wake despite the presence of the cartel and their possible anger about Arman’s death, all so she can be with Thony to support her through this loss. But she does it, because she knows the loss is that immense for Thony. I’ll admit I’m a little confused why Fi would have gone to the loading dock rather than through the main entrance, and while it’s likely literally just for plot reasons, I’m going to explain it as bc she used to go to the loading dock to drop Thony off/pick her up when Thony worked at La Habana. I’m sure Thony probably even took her up in the service elevator one time and gave her a sneaky after-hours tour haha. But ugh of course her taking the service elevator now means that she’s right there as Dante leads Thony out, and in true Samwise fashion, she doesn’t go running for help– she goes to rescue her Mr Frodo herself! Seeing her creeping along armed only with a hammer, ready to take on all 6 foot 3 inches of Dante in order to save her beshie?? What a brave, foolish, wonderful woman. But then Jorge and Ramona appear and she’s too outnumbered to do anything, and all she can do is hide there and listen– and dude, for at least a solid minute or so she legitimately thinks that she just listened to one of her family getting murdered. Like holy shit that’s gotta add a whole new fresh level of PTSD on top of what she already had from her border crossing ordeal. And then for her to stay and help Thony clean the blood, despite Thony desperately trying to make her leave? It makes me think of Thony’s introduction to the underworld in 1x01, witnessing a murder and having to clean it up– Thony had no choice but to be pulled into that world, but Fi does. She can see that Thony is walking straight down the path into Mordor (sorry for the continued LOTR references, but they’re the best I got atm lol) and she chooses to go with her.

And I am so glad of that, not only because Thony is so clearly spiralling without Arman and needs Fi’s support, but also because we all know that now that I can’t have Armony, there’s literally nothing I want to see more out of this show than my dream of the three Mob Queens (Thony, Fi, Nadia) running Vegas lol. Plus, Fi has spent the last 2 seasons being a counterweight of sorts to Arman in the tug-of-war for Thony’s life-path; Thony’s relationship with Arman drew her deeper into the criminal world, while Fi has been trying to drag her away from it. But now Arman is gone, Thony is the one choosing to continue deeper in the underworld, and I think it would be really interesting to see Fi realise that her efforts to pull her away are never going to work, and instead kind of go ‘alright, if you can’t beat them, join them’ and follow her. (And I mean, the thing about Sin Cara being faceless means anyone could take over as the new Sin Cara, and no one need ever know…......)

Nadia.

Ugh, my baby Nadia. She seems so broken, so young and alone. And even with Ramona saying supportive things and calling her ‘my daughter’, her being in the office with Ramona and Jorge does have less the feeling of family support and more like sharks circling, especially when they start questioning her about the FBI. No wonder she seems to panic a little (justifiably, considering that she had Russo in this room only like a week ago!) and so tells them about Thony knowing the meet location– but unlike other times she’s deliberately directed blame at Thony to get it off herself, this time she actually immediately stops and backtracks, trying to defend her. I love that deep down she knows that Thony would never betray Arman like that, because Thony loved him too. And even when Thony shows up to the wake uninvited, Nadia’s immediate response isn’t to get angry or kick her out; it’s ~almost~ even like relief, because here is someone she can actually talk to about what’s going on. When she asks her about the Feds, it’s not because she thinks Thony called them; it's because Thony’s the only one she can trust to help in figuring out how they knew. But then Thony gets frustrated about Nadia telling Ramona and throwing suspicion on her, and Nadia gets frustrated about how trusting Thony about Dante potentially cost them Arman, and honestly I love this conversation so much?? They’re in conflict over Arman, just like they always have been, but now that he’s gone they’re also oddly united, and only have each other to turn to. Thony’s apologies to her are heartfelt, and there’s no force in it when Nadia suggests she leave. Tbh I don’t think she actually knows if she wants Thony to leave or stay, because while on one level she is angry with her, having her there to direct her anger towards is a much-needed outlet; and plus when it comes down to it I think she needs the familiarity and support that comes with having Thony present, especially with the Sanchez sharks around. It’s funny, but Nadia and Thony’s relationship is starting to feel just as sibling-like as the Sanchezs’ to me; that complicated mix of comfort and antagonism that any of us with siblings know so well. (Also ugh Nadia’s “Do whatever you want, you always do anyway” is practically an exact echo of what Arman said to her in 1x03, and I’m not fine at all). 

But regarding Nadia and Thony’s relationship, I think it’s clear that they’re only going to get closer as the season progresses, and one hint towards that is the complete change in the way Nadia interacts with Isabel in this ep. In the earlier seasons you could tell she didn’t like Isabel at all, and hated it when she came to La Habana/around Arman. She was absolutely jealous, because of the exact thing Isabel admits to her now: that she never stopped loving him. Before his loss, that was a threat, just like Thony was. Now, it’s a comfort, a connection that only three people can understand: Isabel, Nadia, and Thony. Aside from maybe his mother, the three loves that Arman had over the course of his life are the only ones who will truly carry his memory with them, the ones that will keep a part of him alive- and at least in some way, they’ll be forever bonded by that. But god, Isabel’s line about not being able to believe he’s gone, about walking into La Habana and feeling like he could suddenly appear from around a corner– that one was absolutely in there for the cast and crew, who have said practically the exact same thing about Adan in interviews. Having lost both the character and the actor makes this episode even more poignant and tragic, and you can feel the love in every aspect of it. 

But sigh my poor increasingly-inebriated Nadia is not making the best calls at the moment, such as running straight to the office to get Russo’s business card (out of its very secure location amongst a bunch of papers in the safe) to burn it right then and there. Not suspicious at all haha.  And of course Jorge catches her doing it, which would have probably been a nail in her own coffin if not for Jorge spotting the picture Luca drew (which Arman kept in the safe, ughhh), and that leading to her admitting the truth of Arman’s love for Thony and the regrets she had about their marriage, and Jorge seeming to realise that she did sincerely love Arman and wouldn’t have betrayed him. And man, does she demonstrate that beautifully when Arman’s parents arrive and the Morales siblings all start fighting, and she’s the one that calls them all out on it and reminds them that they’re here for Arman, and that he deserves respect, not their pettiness. Absolute queen behaviour from both Nadia and Eva, who completely knocked it out of the park this episode. Based on cast interviews, she seems to have been the cast member most affected by Adan’s death, so filming this episode must have been so incredibly difficult for her, but she was beyond amazing. And for Nadia’s sake, as unexpected as her last scene with Jorge was, I was so glad that someone finally thought to give her a goddamn hug!!!

Jorge.

Ugh, hearing Jorge using that soft voice with Thony, and him immediately apologising for not checking in on her, then trying to warn her of the danger from Ramona… like damn, kudos to the writers for managing to take a character I was so prepared to hate and making me like him. Jorge really did love Arman, and has begun to genuinely care about Thony, and I’m sure that it would mean a lot to Arman that his brother-uncle is doing what he can to protect the woman he loved now that he can’t do it himself. But ugh, Jorge’s wonder at seeing the mini caddy again and realising that Arman had saved it from the fire, and then him admitting how much he’d wanted to get Arman back after Eduardo had separated them? That was so bittersweet to watch. Tbh I think he spent years deliberately not thinking about his love for Arman, but then everything surrounding Arman’s abduction and death has brought it all to the surface, and I’m looking forward to how that will affect his choices from here.

For now, his next step is to interrogate Nadia a little to be sure that she didn’t betray Arman (and maybe also because he’s hoping to find Ramona a scapegoat that isn’t Thony??). The initial part of their conversation was actually super sweet though, and omg, learning that Arman wanted to go legit partly so he could help his dad open a distillery? One they’d call Heart of Heaven?? (Or maybe Heavenly Heart? I’m not sure exactly how the Spanish would translate). God, despite his badass exterior, my boy Arman really was just too soft and good for this world. And ngl, Jorge seems to have a bit of that in him too. His next conversation with Nadia– about his own (seemingly rocky) marriage and his regrets about it, and about losing his wife Vanessa– definitely seemed to create a genuine understanding between them for the first time, and I liked that he apologised to her for accusing her. So looks like Jorge now has two women to protect on behalf of Arman. 

Him bringing the drawing to Thony was so kind and thoughtful– partly for just even recognising what it would mean to her, but also for telling her that Arman had always wanted kids and basically implying that Arman would have viewed Luca as his own. In that simple act of taking the drawing, he spared Nadia from the pain of having to deal with it, and he ensured Thony got to have this reminder of Arman’s love, and I’m so grateful for it. Losing Arman– and him learning just how truly she had loved and had been loved by his brother-nephew– has definitely changed and solidified their bond, which is why she trusts him with the arrest report about Dante, and why she dares to even voice the possibility that Ramona could be involved. And though he immediately shuts her down about that, he still takes the report straight to Ramona and challenges her about what they’re going to do about it, showing that he is worthy of that trust from Thony.

But hooo boy, after everything that happens with Dante, and then the showdown with Eduardo, we definitely get to see a new side of Jorge, the frustrated agitation of a man who is starting to question everything he thought he knew. Arman’s death is going to have a ripple effect, that’s for sure, and though Jorge is still being the obedient brother for now and cleaning up the mess with Dante (interesting how Ramona was the one to pull the trigger, but it was Jorge and Thony that were the ones dealing with the consequences and making it disappear) I think he’s going to be doing some pushing back against her as the season goes on, and as he tries to figure out the truth. I couldn’t quite make out what he said to Dante’s body as he was kneeling beside it; couldn’t tell if he was apologising for his fate or telling him it was what he deserved lol!  @prhiswife do you mind translating? Also if you can be bothered translating any more of the Spanish in this ep I would be very interested to hear any or all of it lol. But honestly it surprised me to see him go back to La Habana there at the end, to stop before Arman’s photo and then to seek connection with Nadia about their mutual loss… and tbh, it looked like almost too much connection for a second there???? For a very fleeting moment I honestly thought they were actually heading for a kiss (the crying and the face touching felt oddly reminiscent of Armony in 1x06) and I was like ???? what the fuckkk??? Lol. But I think it was more just him genuinely trying to comfort her, and I'm happy to see the foundations for Thony's team of criminal badasses (Fi, Nadia, and Jorge) developing....

(I mean, it would be objectively hilarious if the show decided to make another Morales man fall in love with both Thony and Nadia, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening here lol) 

Ramona.

Loved seeing the sibling tension building over Jorge’s support of Thony, and loved seeing how immediately he defended Thony/how genuinely she wanted Arman back. Like Nadia, he really does believe she wouldn’t betray Arman. At this point of the ep it’s almost a bit of a Ramona and Nadia vs Jorge and Thony scenario, even if poor Nadia and Thony actually want no part in this sibling debate lol, and are in many ways united on their own team. The odd moment Ramona has when she stands from the chair definitely seems to indicate some kind of pain or medical symptom (like dizziness or something) and was very deliberately included by the writers… more clues that she is secretly dying??? But anyway later when Ramona says that with Arman’s death, there’s no reason to keep his ‘accessories’ (aka Thony, and maybe Nadia too?) around, I appreciate that Jorge again immediately defends Thony. He’s starting to see Thony (and soon, Nadia too) as a member of their extended family and I love that.

Okay yasss to this showdown of these two strong, intelligent, determined women, facing off against one another in a kitchen of all places (a setting that has associations with the disempowerment and minimisation of women)…  not to mention that with one all in black and the other all in white, they’re forming the perfect contrast of good and bad, light and dark… the writers made so many deliberate choices here and I love it. These two started out on such uneven ground, with Thony shrinking before the might of Sin Cara, and now here they stand perfectly eye to eye, with Thony daring to call out Ramona’s right hand man as their potential traitor. Daaamn. Seeing Thony witness Ramona’s shaky hand was also interesting– if not for that little ‘moment’ Ramona had earlier in the office, the shakiness could easily have been read as a sign of emotional stress in response to Thony questioning her about Dante, but instead it looks like further proof of the ‘Ramona is dying’ theory… either way, no doubt it’s going to come up between them at some point. Also lolllll at Thony’s “oh come on” expression when she sees Dante kiss Ramona (lol zero chemistry there, sorry guys) and realises she literally just accused Ramona’s boyfriend right to Ramona’s face. Oopsies. I think she might have suddenly been a bit less certain about the assurance she gave Fi about no one killing her at the wake after that?? Lol. But anyhow, now that Thony knows the truth about Marina, the next showdown between these two is bound to be even more epic…

Also it's interesting that when Jorge brings Ramona the police report and the truth about Dante, she makes a token effort to argue with him and say that Thony could be making it up, but within seconds she’s texting Dante to bring Thony down to the dock (given he literally nabs Thony like 30 seconds later). Clearly she’s not the type who hesitates about doing what needs to be done, no matter what it is, including murdering her boyfriend to cover her own ass. This woman is stone cold, that's for sure. But damn look at that Sanchez sibling swagger as they make their entrance, and the way Jorge puts on a little show about saying sorry to Thony, luring Dante into being secure enough to put his own gun away… and then Ramona gives her own little spiel about not taking betrayal lightly while Thony sputters for words to defend herself. Like yes that was absolutely meant to ~build the suspense~ for us viewers (and also to traumatise poor Fi), but also maybe it’s a sign that Thony is being considered to enter the family in a more meaningful way, and a warning for her if she does? 

But oh dude when the Morales family are having their big confrontation and Jorge learns that Eduardo and Teresa begged Ramona to let Jorge stay with them? And that she forbade them from trying to reach out to him?? He’s spent his whole life believing he knows the truth of what happened, to the point where he genuinely hates his own brother for it (and spent years resenting Arman as well) but now he’s starting to realise that maybe he’s only ever been fed her version, and that she may have manipulated him all along?? Oooh, that’s really going to ramp up the sibling tension a whole lot more for the rest of the season. And speaking of which, I saw someone suggest somewhere (sorry to whoever it was, I looked but couldn’t find the post again, happy to credit you if you let me know) that maybe Ramona actually had Jorge’s wife Vanessa killed to stop her from ‘stealing’ him away from her/the business, and oh man that would definitely make things interesting! Tbh atm I’m having a hard time imagining him fully turning on Ramona, even with the truth about her involvement with Arman’s abduction, but if he learns she killed Vanessa… well, that would be something to see.

Jeremy (ugh).

Ngl, really appreciated that Thony’s thoughts seemed to be echoing my own sentiments when I immediately yelled “Oh, fuck off, Jeremy!” the moment he appeared on the screen. Honestly I hate this guy so much, and I hate that even after costing them Arman, he’s still here, still invading their space and their private grief. Given Nadia’s very convenient building explosion and the insurance payout that her new lawyer was able to push through suspiciously fast, and also the fact that Nadia previously told Russo that a cartel had taken Arman, Russo is clearly after anyone and everyone she can possibly take out in the criminal world, and so she’s keeping Jeremy undercover because she knows that Thony is tied up in it all somehow. All Jeremy’s ‘casual’ questions are really grating on me, and it makes me wonder exactly what happened on the cliff after Arman’s car went off the edge… like the FBI were right behind them, so I’m assuming that he and Thony and Fi were all taken in for individual questioning by the FBI? But how would that have worked for Fi, given the FBI knew she was deported like a month ago?? I’m guessing we’re just supposed to ignore that, and to assume that the FBI let them go after ‘believing’ their story. Certainly letting them go would have been the smarter move, because they knew that they had Jeremy right there as a mole to get the kind of information that the women would never give up? But ugh damn the stress of the Velorio situation making Thony so distracted and eager to get away that she agrees to let this guy put cameras up in their house!! Girl, no!!!! Now he has cameras to see exactly who is coming and going from your house, cameras that he can access at any time!! And then omg Fi you also let him access the smoke detector, where he could plant a bug??? Goddamn this guy and his smooth lies-- like how much of that story about his dad on 9/11 do you think was fake? Probably all of it, just like everything else about him ugh. The FBI boys in this show sure do love sob stories about their dads (though at least Garrett’s was true!). But seriously, charismatic as this guy is, could these two stop being so chill about leaving him unattended in their house???? 

Promo spoilers.

Okay I know I don’t usually talk much about the promos for next ep during these recaps, but damnnn it looks so intense that I need to unpack it lol. First, Thony seems to have some kind of nightmare about Sin Cara, and ugh, what if she sees Arman in it? I'm not ready for how she'd react to that. And then the clip of her looking all tearstained (maybe the next morning?) telling Fi “If Ramona had anything to do with this, she has to pay”? Damn, she's really gonna do it, she's going to go up against the cartel version of The Godfather. (And you know what? She's gonna win.) But I’m curious which scene is going to happen first; Thony in the grungy apartment with Jorge and Ramona  (with Ramona telling Jorge to shoot her, and him seeing the ��Marin’ writing) or Thony coming to see her in the art gallery in that red dress?? (the last time she wore that, Arman killed someone for her. Is this a sign she’s going to return the favour and kill Ramona??). At this point I'm definitely assuming the apartment stuff happens first, and obviously Jorge refuses and doesn’t shoot Thony, and he confronts Ramona about the Marina thing; and so having him sort of on her side (or at least, no longer so firmly on Ramona's) will help her be bold enough to confront Ramona at the gallery. Thony’s comment about the things people do when they have nothing to lose is interesting; I’m assuming it’s directed at Ramona, and maybe about the fact that she’s dying??? (Obviously it can’t be about Thony because she has plenty to lose.) Anyway ugh I’m so pissed about fucking Jeremy somehow weaseling his way into The Cleaning Ladies as well as their personal life?? Can someone please kill this guy already.  One of the clips looks like Thony’s dragging his body across a floor (you can see a glimpse of the light blue shirt on a man-sized body, so it makes sense that it’s him), and too bad we know he’s involved in the filming for later episodes, bc I would have absolutely thrown a party if he died this ep lol. Oh well, there's always hope for Thony to kill him in the finale haha

Anyway I think that's (finally) all for this week, and while it's going to suck waiting a whole extra week for next ep, at least they gave us one of the best episodes of the entire show so far to tide us over until then.

As always, I'm super happy to chat about this show so feel free to reply/send me an ask if you have anything you wanna contribute!

[ziusik]

fic writer meme!

i was tagged by @englishsub, thanks, pal!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

121, which is...a lot, but I've been posting to AO3 since 2009, so I guess that explains it.

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount?

2,201,443 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Currently? None. I went through a flash of a brief return to My Chem, which was SO fun, but currently I am fandom-less & am doing my best to be okay with that. I'm refilling the well by reading lots of books and allowing my fields to lie fallow for the time being.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Lead Me On Through (canon-era Wangxian practice kissing)

Accidents Will Happen (Wangxian canon-era mpreg)

A Sure Thing (modern-era Wangxian sugar daddy AU)

You'd Break Your Heart to Make It Bigger (canon-era Wangxian soulbonding)

On The Way Home (modern-era Wangxian mpreg)

5. do you respond to comments?

I do at first, and then I fall off it and feel bad. So, so many fics where I responded to the first, like, 6 pages of comments, and then never went back to respond to the rest. Mea culpa, but it gets overwhelming after a while.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably lullaby (SHL) because it's Wen Kexing grieving.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Honestly, the rest of my fics all have very happy endings. In terms of the most, like, traditional happy endings, I'd say probably On the Way Home and A Sure Thing, but I think the most hopeful one is actually in estuaries, the break-up/make-up modern-era Wangxian.

8. do you get hate on fics?

No, never. I once got a shitty comment, I think. That's it. I've been very lucky.

9. do you write smut?

Consistently.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you have written?

I don't, actually! When my brain is occupied with one fandom, that's all it can take.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know, but it might have happened and I've never found out, who knows.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, frequently, and it's been amazing. I especially love it when they get translated into Russian, because I can read them in translation, which is VERY cool.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, Becoming Joan with @theopteryx, which still holds a special place in my heart. I'd write with B again in a heartbeat.

14. what's your all time favorite ship?

God, this is hard, because they are all my children, but considering that I just went through an absolutely insane out-of-the-blue My Chem renaissance, I'll say Frank & Gerard, because they are, apparently, a constant. Wangxian is a very, very close second.

15. what is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have any! In all my time writing, I've not finished one (1) fic, a wangxian office AU where I wrote myself into a corner and realized I'd have to rewrite the whole thing so I scrapped it and am very comfortable with that decision. Otherwise, it's mostly original stuff that's sitting there unfinished and making me feel inadequate.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Writing dialogue, I think, as well as intimacy and closeness, emotional or physical.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Plot. Plot, plot, plot, as well as writing high stakes - that's definitely a weakness of mine. I have a hard time putting my characters through the wringer because I'm a softie, but to get a compelling story (especially an original one) you gotta do it, and so I think that's a real weakness.

18. thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

As long as you know the language or get a native speaker to help you, I'm all for it.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, back before the fifth book came out - you know, in pre-historic times.

20. favorite fic you have written?

Of all time? Man, that's hard. You know what, I'm gonna come out of left field and say Simmer Down and Pucker Up, which is a Raven Cycle fic from many, many years ago. I'm still very proud of capturing Ronan's voice.

Tagging: @brooklinegirl, @airinshaw, @phneltwrites, and @dulosis!

[fayedartmouth]

i can just imagine jj saying 25 to kie post season 4 reunion

I won't get to all of the asks until after the holidays, FYI. The next three days are kind of an intense travel schedule, but I did manage to get this one out!

It is 100% unedited (didn't even read it twice!). Maybe I'll polish it and post it on AO3?? Don't know, lol. It might not be coherent.

Prompt is: "Go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

It's hard to tell, really, which part is the dream.

Because Kiara knows the reality, that JJ is dead.

But it's not a reality she wants.  It's not a truth she can tolerate.

She wakes, she moves, she breathes, and it feels like a nightmare.

And all she wants to do is wake up, wake up, wake up.

-o-

For the past month, Kiara has been consumed by grief.  Vengeance had been her only sanity, driving her forward when everything else pulled her back.  The more she thought about killing Groff, the less she thought about him killing JJ, and she had told herself that it was what JJ would have wanted, that it would bring them both peace.

But Groff's blood is on her hands, and she still feels it, the way the blade went in, cutting through flesh.  She can still feel it, like she'd plunged the blade into her own heart.

It hadn't so much been belief but desperation that made her take the crown, demanding that they go back to Morocco.  She'll either pull JJ out of his grave of bury herself alongside him, because she thinks Groff killed her, too, in the end.  He hit JJ in the gut, twisting it through his intestines, but he got her in the heart, and she can't.

She just can't.

She sobs at JJ's grave, holding the crown.  The grief overtakes her now, and she cries with an intensity that she can't curb.  The others stand nearby -- too scared, too worried, too everything -- and she doesn't care.  They have all grieved in their own way.  They have all lived this waking nightmare. 

It's time to wake up.

"JJ," she begs, hands clutched in the sand.  "It's time to wake up."

The sand shifts; the universe rends, pulling apart at the seams.

And JJ Maybank comes out of the grave.

-o-

It's surreal, of course.  JJ's been dead for a month, buried in the Moroccan desert, and then he's there.  He's alive, he's whole, he's perfect.

He's confused, too, of course, as they hug him and they hold him.  He gasps, each breath new and terrifying, and his fingers grab onto them as he blinks into the night.

"What happened?" he asks.

There's no answer for that, not one that captures it.  There's no way to explain the way losing him broke them.  There's no way to explain how grief nearly tore John B in two, leaving him unsteady and full of doubt.  It had made Sarah hesitant, holding her stomach and staying back, and Pope's mind didn't just reason to the best conclusions.  His logic was cold and hard as he helped Kiara plot revenge, and Cleo was left with regret for the man she'd made when she asked Pope to pull the trigger that first time.

And Kiara doesn't know how to tell him that the part of her that died, that girl he fell in love with, may be buried, and it might not be resurrected again.  JJ Maybank may come back to life, but she fears Kiara Carrera is well and truly dead.

"Guys?" he asks, gasping for air.  "What happened?"

They wrap their arms around him, holding him as they cry.  He fills the gaps, see.  He completes the circle.  He's the missing piece that makes them whole, and he's back.

That's all that matters is that he's back.

-o-

The answers come hard, and none of them understand.  They tell JJ as much as they can, but the answers still beg questions.  They look at the scar on his stomach, raised and red, and he tries to shake the sand out of his hair.

John B seems unable to let him go, hovering close and touching him constantly.  Sarah mothers him, making sure he eats and drinks, wrapping him up in a blanket to keep him warm against the chill of the air.  Pope cries, kissing JJ and telling him how much he loves him, and Cleo sits down next to him and sighs.  "I'm just so glad you're back."

Kiara watches and wonders.  Her eyes grow heavy but she's afraid to sleep.

Because she's still not sure, is she?

Which part is the dream.

-o-

In the end, the fire burns low, and the others drift to sleep.  JJ doesn't seem tired, as if the last month has been a long nap for him.  He lays down next to her, spooning her in his arms, and nuzzles her cheek.

It's so familiar that she nearly breaks.  She rolls toward him and looks at him.

His lips, his nose.  His dirty blonde hair and those blue, blue eyes.  Her boy.  The other half of her soul.  JJ.

She reaches up, tracing the shape of his face, and it's so real that it hurts.  The idea that she'd lost this, that she'd buried this -- isn't something she can comprehend.

"I couldn't do it without you," she admits.

"You could," he murmurs at her.

She shakes her head, and her eyes are burning.  "I couldn't.  JJ, it -- destroyed me," she says.  "I couldn't."

He frowns, brows pulling together.  "That's not -- I would never--"

She can't stop, though.  "All I could do was think about revenge.  About how you would want to get even.  That was all that kept me going."

He tips his head to the side, and for the first time, she sees his grief.  He'd been grieving for years, struggling against a life that took more than it gave.  Kiara had shattered in a single month.  JJ had been keeping himself together for 20 years, and here he is, still doing it.

"I would never want that for you," he says.  "I just want you to be happy."

"But how was I going to be happy without you?" she asks, voice so quiet that it doesn't feel real.

"There's so much more out there," he tells her. "So much better than me--"

It hurts, like a knife to the heart -- again.  She shakes her head, jaw going hard.  "No," she says.  "JJ, no--"

"I'm just saying, Kie--"

But she won't let him finish.  She won't let him think it. 

It occurs to her now, that JJ died thinking he was expendable.  That JJ died thinking that it was okay that it was him.  JJ breathed his last believing that he had it coming, that he was never meant to be happy anyway, that he'd made too much of a mess to fix it.

JJ had died thinking he deserved it.

He had no idea, did he?  That for all his mistakes, he was the best of them?  That he'd lost the money -- yes.  But they'd lost him.

They'd lost him well before Groff put a knife in his gut to finish the job.

They'd lost him when he jumped off the boat.  They'd lost him when he drowned his misery in alcohol.  They'd lost him when Groff left him for dead the first time, and when he went to his mother's grave alone.  They'd lost him that day in the courthouse, and they'd lost him when he got that letter.  They'd lost him because they stopped trying to hold him.

They'd lost him because they'd stopped seeing him as a person -- and just a problem.

Luke beat the shit out of JJ for years.  Groff had abandoned him and put a knife in his gut.

But the Pogues?  His friends?  The family he'd chosen?

They'd been the ones to bury him in the end.

JJ had been falling apart in front of them, and they'd ignored it.

"JJ," she says.  "Do you know how much we love you?  Do you know how much I love you?"

He looks at her, blinking for a second.  Then, his gaze skitters away.

It's ripping her apart, and she reaches up, cupping his face until he looks at her.

"I should have asked if you were okay," she says.  "I should have sat you down and made you talk.  I should have told you how much I loved you, how nothing changed that."

He looks distressed by this, and he shakes his head.  "I shouldn't have lost the money.  I shouldn't have started that riot.  I shouldn't have brought the cops on all of us," he says, voice heavy with grief.  "Dying was the least I could do--"

She's hated Groff so much over the last month.

But now, she hates herself.

She hates that she let JJ die so alone.

She hates that she used his death for her own means.

She hates everything.

"Kie?" he asks.  "I'm sorry--"

It's a game, right?  This blame game.  The back and forth, who started what and who hurt who.  It doesn't matter, in the end.  There is no good guy and there is no bad guy.  There are just people who make mistakes.

And the people who forgive them in the end.

She kisses him, tear on her cheeks.  She pulls him in, pulls him close.

"I love you," is alls he can say.  "I love you so damn much."

Because she can't change it.  She can't wash the blood from her hands any more than JJ can put their money back in the bank.  She can't go back and make sure JJ knew she loved him any more than JJ can change the downward spiral that got him killed.

"I love you, too," he says, he breathes it.  She feels the cadence of his heart, pounding against her own, and the warmth of his skin as they hold each other.  "I love you, Kiara."

It's penance, and it's absolution.  It's an apology, and it's a promise.

In the end, it's all they have.

It's all they need.

-o-

The night grows deep and dark as the embers die out.  He's still holding her, and she blinks sleepily up at him.  It's hard to tell, see.  Which part is the dream.

And if she closes her eyes.

What the world will be like when she wakes up.

He seems to understand, as he always does, and he caresses her face, kissing her gently.

"Go to sleep," he soothes.  His voice is steady; his touch is strong.  "I'll still be here when you wake up."

Kiara has doubted so much -- the world, her friends, herself -- but she doesn't doubt him.  Not now, not ever again.

So she closes her eyes and leans into his touch, and lets the sound of his heart lull her to sleep in the soft Moroccan sand.

Whatever she wakes up to in the morning, she'll wake up with him.

[the-theatregal]

SECRET TUNNEL! SECRET TUNNEL! THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS! SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNEL!

I’m really liking Iroh and Aang’s conversations, I feel like it’s building a groundwork for Aang to trust Iroh, and eventually Zuko in the future.

Bumi is exactly how I pictured him, big hat, crazy dude. I love that he recognizes Aang right away and doesn’t make him do those weird tests. He’s asking the real questions “how are you still alive? And more importantly why are you still a child?” He’s nutty but he loves his friend and you see that.

But then he acts like he starts to doubt Aang, fair enough given it’s been 100 years. When Aang accuses him of not caring he gets mad and starts tricking him, playing “games.” He’s bitter and feels betrayed but Aang is still his friend, he didn’t mean to abandon the world and Bumi knows that, he just needs to be mad about it too.

My problem is that Bumi is almost painted as a villain, he’s trying to show Aang just how horrible and difficult the war has been but he almost kills them both and his innocent people in the attempt. Bumi has lived through the war in a way Aang can’t understand, he probably lost countless loved ones and has been sitting with that pain and grief for a century. Aang’s return brings it all back, but Aang also helps him start to heal from it.

I’ve always had mixed feelings about Jet, in the original too. He’s extreme, trying to take out a whole town to kill a couple soldiers, attempting regicide so he can stop a few spies. He’s traumatized obviously, angry and scared. He’s still just a kid.

Zuko having to chose between capturing the avatar and rescuing his Uncle is a beautiful moment, you see him struggle to choose between what he thinks is his destiny and the last member of his family who showed him any kindness. Him picking Iroh and finding the lotus tile as a clue, really a callback to how much of a madman Zuko is when it comes to finding people/things. Man found the avatar, his uncle, Appa, his honor, his mom, etc.

Iroh having to face his past being confronted by an earth kingdom soldier who accuses him of having no humanity, knowing nothing of loss, when we know his backstory. In the flashback, I can’t tell if Ozai is genuinely trying to comfort his brother over the loss of his only son but doesn’t really know how. Versus Zuko who is clearly still an awkward turtle duck and grieving his cousin, but still comforting his Uncle.

LEAVES FROM THE VINE, FALLING SO SLOW I’m sobbing my eyes out. All the musical callbacks to the original show are making me so happy.

Oma and Shu being lesbians???? YES I LOVE IT!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!

I always thought the tunnels could be about more than just romantic love. I’m glad they didn’t have Aang in them with Sokka and Katara because it means they can showcase familial love and its value rather than romantic. They haven’t really been showing much of Aang’s crush on Katara so it doesn’t make sense in the story for him to be with her in the tunnels anyway. Instead we can see Katara call Sokka out on some of his worse tendencies like his overprotectiveness and watch their sibling relationship grow.

The badger moles are the sweetest giant angry earthbending babies ever and no one can change my mind.

[twinsunstars]

Thoughts on Ahsoka Episode 5 - Shadow Warrior - A Discussion Post

Episode 5 of Ahsoka was truly an emotional rollercoaster. There were so many surprises and details that everyone just could not miss. Filoni truly fed us with content, and we love getting to see some touching moments. Buckle up and let's talk about it!

(all screencaps from Ahsoka are from cap-that.com! https://www.cap-that.com/starwars/ahsoka/105/index.php?page=4)

Let's start with the one and only Anakin Skywalker. With Hayden Christensen reprising his role, he comes to Ahsoka in the version she grew up seeing: her master. Anakin states that he wants to complete Ahsoka's training, and they engage in a lightsaber duel that gets intense with every step.

Whenever he said "Live... or die", my mind had flashbacks to when he had said in Rebels, "Then you will die." My head just kept going to it and I had chills.

Ahsoka falls from the World Between Worlds into a flashback of the Clone Wars, reliving the battle. Ariana Greenblatt, who played young Gamora in Avengers: Infinity War, the little sister in Stuck in the Middle, and was recently in the Barbie movie, plays young Ahsoka, which I find amazing. She really captured how young Ahsoka was during the war and her emotions towards everything around her.

Seeing the Clone Wars scenes made me feel like I was the young high school girl during the pandemic again who had just recently discovered Star Wars and had quickly watched all of Clone Wars to catch up to Season 7 and see every masterpiece of the show. This was such an exciting moment for all of us fans. Hayden nails the Clone Wars Anakin with his outfit and his movements.

Ahsoka sits beside an injured clone, putting her hand on his. The clone gently holds her hand, right before he falls to his death. Ahsoka's emotions take over her as she begins to cry, grieving. These scenes truly show how young she was; she was just a child forced into a war that has to be fought. Greenblatt's portrayal of Ahsoka nails the spot on these details.

We also got to see the Siege of Mandalore in live action, which has become one of the best Clone Wars arcs. Anakin steps into the scene, getting to see the Siege of Mandalore for the first time with his own eyes. I will never get over the way that the two are standing together, it's literally the same shot from Season 7 of Clone Wars.

One of the most brilliant surprises in the episode was getting to see Captain Rex. LIKE LOOK AT HIM!! The king only had a few lines and a few shots, but he slayed as usual. We could hear Temuera Morrison's voice under the helmet, which got my excitement up. I'm so glad he voiced Rex and we got to see him in live action. (Now where is Rex during the present in Ahsoka???)

Back to the present above the water. Hera had found Huyang, who stands near the cliff, holding Sabine's Mandalorian helmet. He wished that they stayed together, and is sad now that they are apart and who knows where.

Jacen was truly adorable this episode. He hung out with Chopper and Hera the whole episode, and when he was playing with Chopper, the sight was so cute. Jacen listens to the waves, eventually hearing the lightsabers clash between Ahsoka and Anakin. The Force truly thrives through this kid, and Kanan would be so proud. Also, the fact that Kanan was mentioned this episode shattered my heart. Huyang is forced to take Jacen aboard the ship for "a tour", the kid's interests peaked about the Jedi. He asks Huyang if he can be trained, which he straightforward says "No", which I found funny.

Returning to the flashbacks, Ahsoka kept on seeing Anakin turn into Vader between quick shots that flashed with each burst of light. The sight that scares us all. When Anakin turned into Vader during the Siege of Mandalore scene, the way his voice changed sent chills down my spine. If I looked at an image from that part, I could hear his voice.

As Ahsoka fights the Vader side of Anakin who eventually appeared back in the World Between Worlds, she manages to get ahold of his lightsaber. The red blade glows under her face, and her eyes slowly turned into those red-yellow Sith eyes, just like Anakin's. Anakin sees his padawan as a Sith briefly right before the blade extinguishes. Everything eventually turns back to the calm normal. Ahsoka bids farewell to her master before falling back into the water.

After Hera and the crew rescued Ahsoka from the water, we got a hug between Jacen and Ahsoka, which was adorable. Ahsoka has now begun wearing white, which I feel like is definitely symbolic of something. The white outfit reminds me of the one she wore in the Rebels finale, even if it's not exactly it.

With the New Republic after their tails, Hera talks to Mon Mothma about the situation, who unfortunately can't do anything about it. Senator Organa was also mentioned, which means our girl Leia was trying her best to hold on for Hera. Hera, the rebel she is, goes with her own plans anyway.

The purgills were the ones who took Ezra and Thrawn away into a whole other galaxy, so how do we try to find them? Follow the purgills! Ahsoka (with Huyang) follows the purgills (and actually goes inside one... yeah she's Anakin's padawan with that plan). Both are ready to go with the purgills to find Sabine, and hopefully find Ezra.

Jacen watches the purgills while sitting in the Ghost, talking to his mom about the stories regarding the purgills that took away Ezra and the "bad guys". I'm so glad Jacen knows about Ezra, even if it has to be through stories. The day the two meet will be such a joyous occassion. Even though Hera won't go with, she hopes that they return safely with Sabine and (praying) Ezra.

There's only three episodes left now, and I just know even more chaos is about to ensue. Ezra and Thrawn should definitely be making appearances very soon, which is going to be so fun. There was more focus on Ahsoka this episode rather than Sabine, and I loved the directions it went in. Filoni really gave us fans all the emotions and incredible shots, and he is still responsible for my therapy. I feel like next episode will definitely be much more of a rollercoaster, and here's to manifesting again that Ezra (and Thrawn) will show up soon.

[coralhoneyrose]

Alrighty, ask meme! I'll have 4, 7, 14, and 38, if you please!

Ahhh, thank you so much for the ask! :D

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Not a *whole* lot, honestly! The only idea I am truly ‘nurturing’ (as in actively helping it to grow) is Half Orange. If you broaden that to also include stuff I have taken the time to make some sort of slapdash outline for, then there are four others. One I don’t think I’ve talked about on here before is a humorous, family fluff one-shot from the POV of Morgan when he is in his late teens and struggling to come to terms with how cringe and mushy and embarrassing his parents are about their love for each other once Robin returns post-sacrifice LOL

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

A memory strikes him suddenly, illuminated as if by a stray sunbeam, of huddling midst the shelves with his sisters, Emmeryn reading him and Lissa some old Ylissean fairytale while a storm pounded down overhead and lightning flashes made a glowing tapestry of the colored glass.

He doubts that they were in this particular row of books back then, but the view is the same. Today, tiny dust particles swim in the late spring sunshine, but he can still hear how the thunder made the window shiver; Emmeryn’s bell-clear voice, serene and unafraid. Sometimes he wonders if grieving a person in the same space you lived with them isn’t more of a cruelty than a comfort…but he can’t imagine choosing to give it up either.

There’s this literary technique I have noticed some of my favorite writers use on occasion where a character’s wandering / idle thoughts while looking at something in the environment wind up being a means for insight into their characterization or mental state. I think it can be tricky to execute in a way that doesn’t feel disruptive, but I was reasonably happy with my attempt here. I also think grieving is a really complicated emotion, and it’s one I struggle a lot with capturing all the facets of while writing, but this was a rare instance where I felt like the words got across the feeling I wanted them to.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

If we are excluding the infamous old tumblr posts that convinced all of us you are never supposed to use the word ‘said’ and that you should invent as many epithets as possible to refer to characters, I would probably say “don’t use adverbs”. Obviously it’s very possible to overdo it, and I will admit my writing has a tendency towards clutter and that adverbs probably contribute. But some people really act like adverbs are the devil, and the idea that an entire part of speech has next to no place in writing is kind of absurd to me. I have also read books where clever and intentional use of adverbs was extremely effective in contributing to humor or tone setting and if those authors had followed that advice, I would have enjoyed their books a lot less.

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

Oh man, very hard to choose just one when this is true of like…virtually every review I have ever been lucky enough to receive. One specific one that comes to mind, though, was a comment on the accidental engagement fic where the commenter compared Chrom to one of those tropical birds doing a mating dance, and Robin just Not Getting It despite his best efforts. It was such a hilarious and strikingly accurate description of their dynamic in that fic and I got such a kick out of it. I subsequently mentioned the comment to Bustle, and she wound up linking this video, and for the rest of the day, I would just periodically start smiling really big or burst out laughing every time I thought about Chrom and Robin as these two birds. The narration absolutely kills me too.

[papercranesandpride]

Loveless/Aplatonic Song Recommendation: San Cristóbal by Mal Blum

Disclaimer: loveless and aplatonic are not the same thing. Plenty of people are only one of the two. However, the specific experience this song captures is one that I've seen both loveless people and aplatonics talk about a lot, so I'm tagging this both ways and making this for both communities. Love-feeling apls and loveless alloplatonics, I see you and you very well may relate to this song just as much as the loveless apls because again, I've seen both identities say they feel this way.

So, the thing about San Cristobál is that at first, it's just a really well-crafted song about living after a breakup. It was definitely written about a romantic (or at least sexual) relationship, but I find Mal Blum songs really easy to read as being about friends. The basic build is about Mal having moved away from this person and the two of them growing in a lot of the same ways while separated.

One lyric that particularly strikes me is this:

You have not been visiting, I can't say that I mind 'Cause every time you go somewhere, you leave somewhere behind

One thing that made me realize I was aromantic and then later aplatonic is how I don't miss people. If I drift apart from someone or we have a blow up, I don't mind. I don't grieve relationships; they're just there when they're there and gone when they're gone. I see this echoed over and over by loveless and aplatonic people. "It sucks that I can't explain to my friends that I do care about them, but I wouldn't mind if they disappeared from my life tomorrow." And here's Mal saying the same—"I don't mind not seeing you anymore because it's just over."

Sometimes I think I left you just to see if I'd be missed

This lyric really hits me just because you have to be pretty disconnected to someone to leave just to find out if they'll notice that you're gone. I think it's a lot easier to wonder if other people will miss you when you know that you won't miss them. So this is another loveless/apl lyric to me

And my new friends all assured me that it all was surely false

I know it's a small thing to read into, but the way they just brush them off as their new friends strikes me as another example of that disconnect and lack of feelings for them

And now to discuss the actual point and arc of the song, which comes to a head in these lyrics:

You say that you've come far enough to give me a call So you're calling now But I lie, and I tell you that I've moved

The whole song is describing the relationship, and how Mal feels about the absence of it... And then when they come to the moment for reunion, the moment when in any other song, they would come back together (I mean I can think of two songs just from the album Folklore where that happens)... Mal chooses not to. Mal decides that what is dead should stay dead. They're not there, and so Mal doesn't want them anymore.

Because that's the thing to me as a loveless aplatonic. I enjoy having people around. I like socializing. But who the particular person is doesn't matter as long as they get along well with me. I keep them around because they serve my own personality and ends well, not because I actually like them for who they are. So the second things get difficult or grow apart or whatever? I just let go. And that's what Mal does. Mal doesn't try to salvage it, even though the whole song is about how they "feel like [they]'ve come far enough to give you a call." They have grown and learned and they could have this back, but Mal just doesn't want to. And being able to let go is so much of being apl and loveless for me. Especially when you look at the final lyrics:

Everything's brand new

This is not a sad thing for Mal. It's a good thing. A fresh start.

It is so clear that this relationship meant so much to them, and yet they do not miss it and they don't feel bad about leaving it behind. They cut them off without an explanation. Without looking back. It just... It really, really feels like how I feel ending things. The exact opposite of how you're supposed to.

I cannot overestimate how much this song means to me as a loveless aplatonic. Listen to it. And listen to other Mal Blum as well, because God I love them so much