#it is still really bitter but it factors literally everything that CAN be factored

[katyspersonal]

Hey there, do you have an opinion or idea as to why Maria wears masculine clothes?

Oh well! The thing is, I have SEVERAL ideas, yet I haven't picked the "official" one yet. This is a reoccurring problem with me writin because 'just choosing what I like' doesn't work all that well, since my liking is based on the logic and other things, but... This is Bloodborne, soooo. :)

Regardless of the idea, there are two factors that cannot be neglected and should be considered in any:

1: Maria's Hunter attire is fashioned after male version of Cainhurst Knight clothes! Their clothes have male and female variant, and hers repeats the male variant, so she does present masculine as a Hunter.

2: Gehrman CARED about Maria. No objectification or being a creep on her (mmm what a day to THANK a certain localization team for making it hard... /s), he felt so warm towards her that the feeling alone made Doll cry tears of joy!

So, here are some possible explanations as to why as a Hunter Maria is dressed masculine, but Doll is wearing a dress!

1) Maria's clothes aren't even 'masculine'.

Basically? There is a possibility that she wasn't inspired by the Knights, but rather the Knights were inspired by her! I think that before Gehrman introduced new hunter practices and ways to craft weapons, they were warriors in that heavy golden armour with shields and big swords/spears, that proven to be very ineffective against agile beasts:

So maybe Maria was the first to adopt new ways of fighting, with lighter clothes and different weapon, and the first Knights had more or less modest clothes? The red Knight clothes elaborate with jewellery we are seeing now could be the latest developed style, and it were specifically the women in Cainhurst that developed a more pomp and pretty style on their own! Men were alright styling their clothes after hers just fancier!

2) Gehrman did not take femininity seriously, and regretted it a lot.

Maria idealised Gehrman pretty much (and Japanese original even uses a word that could be interpreted as a crush for her senpai, hahah)! So maybe he on the contrary was someone not thinking someone looking all cute and feminine could be a good fighter (the whole "don't break your nail, princess" stuff you know). And as result, Maria was trying to appear more masculine to impress him, and Doll reflects the part of her, or even 'former self' that he unintentionally took away from her due to having too much (bad) influence on her. He had very intense warmth and care put into both creating Doll's clothes and caring for Maria's hair ornament, and wished that the Doll would feel the "gentle encouragement", however that did not happen (until we DO give her the hair ornament). For me, it very obviously reads as his desperation to bring back that... cute, sweet girl looking at him all starry-eyed and loving him, as if none of this happened - not her becoming cruel hunter, not her becoming disappointed in herself AND him, not her dying...

This is from retranslation document ( x ). You can probably remember that Fishing Hamlet priest curses Byrgenwerth, and Gehrman does mention Willem in his sleepy call to free him? I interpret it as Maria not only regretting Hamlet massacre, but also not being aware of its true purpose... For all we know, it could have been Gehrman who stole OoK for Willem hoping Maria wasn't looking at him rummaging through a dead sea mom :') So there is a big chance that she did actually get disappointed in him a lot!

So what does it have to do with the dress and cute bonnet? Well, maybe that was her style, at least outside of the hunt, and Gehrman clings to what she was like before he led her on the bad path with the hunt and murder. Japanese media likes themes of 'woman tries to appear masculine in male-dominated field to be taken more seriously' for some reason! Here I think her idealising him was the more big factor, though.

3) She simply presents both masculine and feminine, depending. No bigger story about it.

I talked about it a bit more in this reblog ( x ), but TLDR; I personally concluded female Knights were relying way more on blood magic, whereas male Knights relied more on skill and/or regular force! Sort of both genetical and traditional dispersion created by years of practices dating back in matriarchial Pthumery Ihyll! And, you know...

Cainhurst also appears to be skewed in regards to genders (basically Girls Better TM), and I can see Maria developing her own perception of gender roles given she grew in such environment! As result, she could identify as warrior more with masculine idea of them she internalised - warriors relying less on blood, plus not flexing any superiority. But mostly blood. But as a civilian, she could be fully comfortable with her feminine side!

So you have this person of different facets, placing different values and personal experiences in different roles she performs in life! So essentially Gehrman did... nothing extraordinary? He simply represented the 'civil' side of her, not the 'warrior' side of her! Makes sense since she discarded her weapons and likely never wanted to be associated with the hunt ever again for the rest of her life (that didn't last long... oof...).

4) Her image was distorted but for men in GENERAL, not for Gehrman.

This idea, I kid you NOT, I literally only discovered today, and only after seeing this ask. Hmmm, well, what can I say...?

dshdsffd No no no but hear me out!!!

Since we find Hunter's Bone item (that is Maria's) on the grave (that is Maria's), AND Doll in "real" version of abandoned Hunter's Workshop from which Hunter's Dream originated, we can conclude Doll was created before the Dream.

So what if... the look of the Doll was not taylored for Gehrman's preference for a "cute housewife", but with the image of what hunters would want in mind? I'd expect majority of hunters expected to join and leave the Dream being just... you know, typical aged, jaded, tortured het cis men. And what would be the most comforting and soothing thing to return to from sights of blood and hunt and pain for an average hetero male? Well, most likely, actually a house-wiveish woman willing to listen to them and to comfort them! After all, Doll is there for 'you hunters', not for Gehrman specifically.

For all we know, it could have been Laurence's idea to fashion (or REfashion) the Doll like this to begin with, and Gehrman just went 'as you say King' because he has no balls fdhhdsf The point is! It is very possible they were preparing how the Dream will operate in advance. I mean, even in Byrgenwerth there is a note about Laurence and his Moon Presence... So the Doll could have been made with this in mind.

This option is a hard one to keep together because it opens SUB-options! Gehrman was feeling strong focus creating Doll's clothes, but also warmth. Not guilt or something. So was Doll originally dressed up more masculine (albeit not like a hunter) but then redesigned (it would HAVE to be Laurence and I will DIE on this hill)? Was Doll created for the Dream to BEGIN with? And in that case - could it been that Gehrman had a 'confirmation' that Maria would be okay with being of service even after death? I could absolutely picture Laurence lying to Gehrman - something something he was still communicating with her before her su1cide, something something she wanted him to know she'd be happy to be of service even in death no matter what she'd have to wear, something something she hated what SHE did, not hunters as a concept thus she'd gladly soothe them and her presentation is a very small price for this...

...Or, well, maybe we could spare poor Laurence being a manipulator just once and say that Maria actually felt this way and there was a solid base she'd love to help and in the end hated herself but not Gehrman. I can see her as someone being willing to comfort and even sacrifice rather than insist on teaching some simple minded male hunters the importance of gender non-conformity, ahaha. She has gentle and caring side, and patients wanted to hold her hand within the horrors they were facing.

Possibly could be supported by this detail - maybe this picture featured herself and Gehrman (and third person?) and she took it to remember him as she just wanted to stay in Clocktower for good?

_______

Sooooo yeah. Honestly, all my ideas stand on the fact that FromSoft are not some inconsistent writers that would make mistakes! They do not hit me as people that would write a sad old man that cared about his student so deeply (albeit too late)... only to imply he did not even respect her masculinity and got absorbed in the dreams of her being his housewife. And... yeahhhhh... He never mentions Maria. He seems to be way more focused on Laurence, especially in cut dialogue, actually...

I am personally more biased towards 2nd option, as it reveals the full drama potential! However? 4th is also surprisingly good. Won't lie, if fandoms were organised spaces with several defined groups and there were Fandom Councils tasked to come up with diplomatic solutions to satisfy every side, 4th option would've been the best compromise. It leaves Gehrman's fans happy, it leaves people who prefer GNC Maria happy, it still allows certain type of fans to have their "man bad woman good" fix but now at the expense of abstract unprogressive victorian men rather than the well-written loveable characters, it clicks with both Gehrmaria and Gehrmaurence, it just... doesn't miss anything. Like, this is THE solution that is respectful to all characters AND all wishes.

Honestly, only today I questioned whether I've been exaggerating Gehrman's grief and depth of the feelings all along because... well, he is clearly more interested in Laurence. xD If anything, if his intend was to create an "ideal partner", how much you wanna bet he'd create ideal HUSBAND instead? x)

At this rate I am just waiting where the balance will shift - 2nd or 4th. Not trying to downvote other two, especially since 3rd can be utilised to back 4th up as to explain how Maria could've formed masculine leaning! And 4th is tempting because it can make Gehrman just a liiiiitle less guilty... I know it isn't like me to want to spare the character from the angst, but now that I think of it, if he had SUCH a regret - he'd mentioned Maria at least once? So 4th is more reasonable as to explain that his loss was more quiet and bitter, still with the 'he ruined her' hunch but with way less resentment and guilt evenly dispersed between Gehrman and Maria rather than severely shifted on his side. But 2nd option is... it is SO sad? It is soooo sad. >:3

[unlikelypandahologram]

Reasons to ship every single version of MegOP

since Very Dumb Discourse™ exists about whether or not certain versions of this ship are valid, this is going to be THE most positive post about all versions of MegOP. refer back to this post for reasons to ship your favorite version of MegOP if anyone gets weird about it with you. now let us begin!!

G1: goofy '80s faction dads fighting each other in a denny's parking lot every week LET'S GOOO, that shit is fun as fuck. orion pax also totally had a celeb crush on megatron before megatron ruined that and shot him and his pals 😔 and there's a lot of angst you can add with megatron becoming galvatron and optimus coming back to life to see how much he's changed!

BW: it's the sheer fucking comedy gold factor of a newly minted college graduate and a terrorist dinosaur IMMEDIATELY singling each other out on a prehistoric rock and deciding to call their daily gang slap-fights the BEAST WARS, what iconic drama queens LMAOOOO. also, megatron made his final body in BM look like optimal optimus SPECIFICALLY to fuck with him, and that's just...incredible

UT: the fact that megatron CANONICALLY acted like a grieving widower over optimus after he died in armada is. amazing. never forget their absolutely insane obsession with each other that they can never EVER give up on played a direct part in unicron nearly ending the world <3

Bayverse: this is the one continuity of all fucking things that gave us the lore about megatron being prime's lord high protector. absolute galaxy brain writing from the tie-in comics. also these two would ABSOLUTELY have the messiest, nastiest, most brutal hate sex imaginable, and that's beautiful. <3

Animated: optimus being a rookie washout underdog and megatron being a super scary much older warlord is a really interesting and underrated fresh take on their dynamic! lots of fun to be had with exploring what their relationship would be like after megatron finally acknowledged him as his archnemesis, lol. also...age AND size difference ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Prime: do i even need to say anything, i'm pretty sure that one flashback still of orion and megatronus being friends is responsible for birthing a million shippers for this pairing alone LMAOOOO. the bitter ex-boyfriends energy was TRULY off the charts in this show, it's a damn shame megatron never appeared in RID15

Cyberverse: same bitter ex-boyfriends energy but this time with dates at maccadams. megatron also dies encouraging optimus to beat the unhinged alternate dimension megs AAHH THE ANGST

IDW1: they're both depressed gay war criminals in this one who CONSTANTLY live in each other's heads rent-free and that's amazing, lmfao. also, megatron becoming an autobot means this is one of the VERY FEW continuities where it's not nigh impossible to figure out a way to give these two a happy ending together in fanon

IDW2: space date space date SPACE DATE. they were falling together and everything. megatron also LITERALLY tells optimus to open himself to him...to give him the matrix...yeah megs my dude i'm sure that's the ONLY thing you wanted from optimus "opening" himself. toootally positive, lol

G1 Marvel: megatron was SUPER fucking pissed and weird as shit about the time optimus died over a video game. it counts

Dreamwave: their first fight had megatron urging optimus to join him AND they disappeared together in a space bridge explosion once which is like, a fanfic-esque setup for them to be alone. also i'm pretty sure this is the continuity where optimus accidentally gave megatron a lobotomy, so...uh...potential for angst is to be had

SG: mirror universe!! evil crazy villain optimus with noble goody-goody hero megatron has so much potential for absolute chaos. bonus if you also bring in the normal versions somehow through multiverse shenanigans <3

KP: the only way this version of prime can redeem himself from the creepy underage human girl bullshit is if he gets a good hard dicking from megatron. next

Prime Wars: huge "ex-husbands go on a road trip with their disgruntled daughter" energy here. megatron also LITERALLY says "oh optimus, if only you could see me now" <3

Earthspark: again...need i say why? they're pals and working together from the get-go, what's not to ship??

Skybound: optimus literally wears megatron's arm. truly beautiful <3

TF One: it's not out yet but give it time. the entire movie is going to be about orion and d-16 being madly in love and tragically breaking up, baby!!

[heavenlymorals]

Arthur Morgan's Depression

(Warning: Spoilers for RDR2 and mental health issues)

Arthur Morgan is depressed. Yes, I know the writers haven't exactly come out and said that he is depressed, but it does not take a genius to see that Arthur Morgan is a man who deals with many demons and monsters. Arthur Morgan has some sort of functional depression, and it is shown in many ways. In many missions, he seems downtrodden and sad, but he goes along with it anyway because what else can you do? He talks about himself in such a degrading manner in the mirror, and not just in a way that we all do sometimes, but in a way that invokes actual hatred of himself.

He thinks he's ugly when he's a conventionally attractive man. He thinks he's dumb when he's very witty and smart. He gets knocked down for his intelligence a lot by both Dutch and Hosea (we, as a fandom, need to stop pretending that Hosea is perfect because he really isn't). I know that dudes generally joke like that a lot, but those two aren't his “friends”; they are quite literally his father figures. It's different. His journal is filled with self-doubt, pain, and a general apathetic outlook on life.

But as I was playing “A Quiet Time,” one interaction between Lenny and Arthur stood out to me.

“Why ain't you never married?”

“'Cause no one will have me.”

In the context of this mission, I think this was written as an “oh damn” kinda joke, something out of left field to make the player laugh. But after thinking about it more, I realized something.

If you guys follow my posts, then you probably know that I love to interpret things from a sociocultural perspective—so let's do that.

Now, this is an obvious reference to Mary and how she rejected him in the end for Barry Linton to keep her family satisfied. It might also allude to Eliza or other female love interests that Arthur might've had at some point.

But it may also be a nod to the culture of 19th century America and what it entailed for men.

Arthur isn't married at 36 years old. Men were expected to be married generally by their twenties. He has no children or legacy—the only one he did have died years ago. He doesn't have property or a home—he's always on the move with the gang (given how defensive he got with that woman he picks up to go to Lagras, it's probably a point of insecurity). He has no respectable profession—he should've had an honest career by now.

He hopes that Dutch will get his shit together and have them put their outlaw ways behind them, but Dutch literally cannot, and Arthur is the one feeling the burn for it. He has missed so many milestones that he “should've” reached by this point, yet he is still doing the same thing he was doing since he was a young teen.

He can't bring himself to leave Dutch either, as he feels like he has a debt to pay to the man (“I gotta try! I owe him that, at least.”) that can never be paid.

And that has to fucking hurt. You already hate yourself on the outside by thinking you're hideous. You hate yourself on the inside because you think you're dumb. You feel unaccomplished, like a damn loser. And on top of all of that? You can't bring yourself to let go of all the factors that make you feel that way because “they're family” and “they need you.”

You're trapped, and everything feels awful. I'd be depressed too.

It might also be another reason why Arthur is jealous and angry at John. He has a wife, he has a child, he doesn't feel particularly obligated to the gang (hence leaving for a year), he has a chance to do better, and he just doesn't care. He's reached so many milestones that Arthur misses not because he wants them, but out of pure luck, and I'm sure Arthur feels bitter about it.

It's just sad, man.

[weirdbeancurd]

Attempted Apologies, Chapter 3- ULTRAKILL Fanfic

Chapters: 1 2 3

Ao3 (Link)

@h0ped3lusion @vallianttreedreamland (thanks for loving my work lol)

god I am SO sorry for taking so long to write this, but I've been super busy with a job, moving, and a bunch of other adult stuff. thank you all so much for being patient and leaving lovely comments. I'm not totally happy with some of this story (I'm never happy with my writing lol), so I might make minor changes, but other than that, this fic is finally done!!! thanks again for sticking around, and thank you @persi-person for helping peer review!

also I originally planned for this to be strictly platonic, but it definitely leans more into romantic territory with V1 and Gabe (and a bit with Minos and Sisyphus). it can still be seen as platonic, if that's what you'd like, though!

Takes place in an AU where the prime souls live, and Gabriel and V1 live on the surface as apocalyptic roommates. (oh my god they were roommates)

Summary: Gabriel attempts (key word: attempts) to apologize to Minos and Sisyphus for their executions, but it doesn't go as well as he had hoped. Chapter 3 out of 3.

“I, uh. Love what you did with the curtains?”

Gabriel’s feeble attempt at small talk is ignored. Breaking the ice has never been this difficult, and he's getting absolutely stone walled by the man stitching up his skin. Prestigious ruler or not, his bedside manners can use some work. He tries not to let his irritation show through his body language. I think I’d rather get my ass handed to me again over whatever this is.

“Is everything alright?”

“...”

“Look, you really don’t have to do this. I can just head back and patch mys-”

“Hold thy tongue,” Minos snaps. His mouth slams shut. He immediately drops the subject.

“Oh, um yeah. I can do that.”

He fidgets with his hands for lack of anything better to do. The loopiness from his fever is fading, his dampened healing factor working overtime to repair weary muscle. While he still had his light, Gabriel’s regeneration was enough to mend any wound in seconds. Now more than ever, he longs for that invulnerability, bestowing him confidence to the point of arrogance, reckless beyond abandon. It encased him like his shell of armor, covering incorporeal flaws. If only he could see himself now, having to rely on the tools of man and the care of another to heal. Some days, he berates his reflection. “How weak,” “how distasteful,” he thinks. “How pathetic.”

How the mighty have fallen.

His eyes flick back and forth from Minos and the floor, trying not to get caught staring. He doesn't deserve to be in their presence; a kind and noble man like him shouldn't be tainted by his darkness. Perhaps that's why Minos is being so irritable; he must be rubbing off on them. Despite the need to shy away, he spares another glance.

Gabriel's helm shields his face, but he feels naked, transparent, like the king’s iridescent skin. He sees right through them, literally and figuratively. Right through their resentment, which is held not only for Gabriel, but also for the man himself. V1 once spoke of his rage upon being liberated from the flesh prison, going as far as to describe his demeanor as “violent;” a bit ironic coming from the literal murder machine. He never thought those two words could be said in the same sentence; violence and Minos simply aren't compatible, like oil and water, fire and ice. Or so he thought.

Halfway through their battle, he grit out a single, spiteful word; “weak.” He spat it out as if it tasted vile, vicious and repulsive like acid on his tongue. And while yes, Minos despises V1 for all their kind has done to humanity, he’d never deny their skill in battle. The king was struggling to his feet, having to push off his knee to stand, frustrated that his muscles seemed to rebel against him. It's almost as if that bitterness was directed not at the machine, but instead at…

Hm. Maybe they're not so different after all.

Gabriel observes the man beside him, no longer trying to be discreet. Their shoulders are tense, whether it's from being hunched over so long or the restraint needed to not beat him until his bones are a fine, white mist, he doesn’t know. But he will risk his skeletal system if it means this’ll stop being so damn awkward.

“I’m well aware you told me to shut up,” Gabriel says, holding his hands up in a placating manner. Minos gives him a deadpan glare (or what he assumes is a deadpan glare), but lets him continue. “But I must speak my piece.” He takes a deep breath and resists the urge to pray to a god that no longer exists.

“The father once told us that all sin can be forgiven with a confession and a wave of the hand.” He laughs bitterly. “Now, that's really not true, is it.” It's not a question. He knows the answer.

“No confession will ever right the wrongs that are my actions. No apology of mine will ever be worthy of your ears. I presume you would not want one from me, anyways.”

Minos doesn't dignify him with a response, opting to stare straight ahead.

Gabriel is reminded of his own silent brooding, remembering the warm glow of the campfire while he pondered his questionable morality. After a (not-so) healthy amount of denial, he'd turned to self loathing. How could he have not recognized the council's manipulation sooner? Was he that blind, that moronic to believe their lies? Or was he just too pathetic to form any sort of resistance? What if he was more observant, would he have figured this out earlier and prevented it all from spiraling down to disaster? These questions crowded his mind, like fish in a much-too-small bucket, gasping for air, suffocating each other as they squirm and writhe. The “what ifs” and “if onlys” taunted him with a universe in which he was better, stronger.

How he yearned for someone to battle his thoughts for him, to shut down the paralyzing convictions that plagued his dreams. So maybe what they really need isn’t an apology, just simple reassurance.

“You…are not weak. Far from it.” The words come out awkward and stilted, though he barely needs to think before he speaks. It’s like the syllables have long been ingrained in the deepest parts of his mind, mouth moving to form sounds that have already left his lips.

“You were wronged, and people suffered for it, but it wasn’t your fault. Your strength would not have made a difference, though you harbor more of it than I ever will.”

It's hard to tell what Minos is feeling, half from the fact he lacks a face, and the other half being that Gabriel's people skills are out of practice. In fact, he never had them in the first place. Never had a reason to, if your only purpose is to carry out orders.

“The fact you still stand here today, tragedy after tragedy, is a show of resilience. Though you couldn’t prevent the tragedies in the first place, you did your best to make do with what was left. What’s done is done, Minos.”

He wishes he can take his own advice. Practice what you preach, as they say. Gabriel was never a good preacher, but he tries. He makes sure the other man is listening before delivering his final words.

“You did good.”

Minos says nothing, and for a terrifying moment he thinks he’s made a fatal mistake. And then the man huffs a quiet laugh. Gabriel stares in confusion.

“I…appreciate thy appraisal, but I must admit I’m rather conflicted. On one hand, I understand thou hast merit, but I am reluctant to entertain thy words, due to our history.”

Gabriel lowers his gaze, disappointed he didn’t get through to them, but Minos starts again.

“However, I must thank thee. Thou clearly drew from thy own experience; that shows courage. I shall consider thy appraisal.”

He perks up at that, looking to the king with elation and surprise.

“Just…keep the creature of steel away from this layer. I’m sure thou can surmise why.” He sounds like he’s trying to keep his anger at bay, staring at the floor.

Oh, V1. Yes, he can do that. It did destroy much of what was left of Minos’ kingdom after all, so a permanent ban from the lust layer is more than fair. And that’s not even delving into their battle, the man treating his own defeat as a sign that he’d failed humanity. He shudders at the thought of what Minos would do if he got his hands on them again.

“I understand. I’ll tell them to avoid your city.” It’s Gabriel’s turn to laugh. “Maybe it’ll actually listen to me for once.”

He fixes his eyes on the floor as well, the two sharing a moment of understanding. And then the moment is gone, brief as it is cathartic.

“Sisyphus will accompany thou as I prepare supper. Stay.” Minos goes to open the door…revealing the man in question. Speak of the devil. He has the gall to look smug, bent at the knees to press his ear to the door, the shameless bastard.

“What have I told thee about eavesdropping,” Minos seems unphased, expectant, even.

“Sorry,” But Sisyphus’ grin says otherwise. “I can't help it. Force of habit, I suppose.” The other lets out a rather childish groan.

“I would tell thou to cease thy antics, if not for thy refusal to listen.”

“That's not true. I listened in on your conversation perfectly well.”

“That's…just entertain thy guest.”

“Anything for you, my friend.”

Minos tries to slip past the other, very much ready to leave, but not before Sisyphus catches him with a warm hand on his shoulder. His large frame blocks most of Gabriel's view, but he sees his body lean into theirs. All encompassing, like a solar eclipse. He can't hear what they're saying, so he can only imagine the kindness Sisyphus reserves for friends alone, something he knows he’ll never deserve. He’ll let them have their moment, too.

Once Minos has had enough (said affectionately) with his friend’s fussing, he leaves the two alone in favor of attending to his kingly duties (or whatever that man does in his free time). Sisyphus takes a place at his side, awkwardness not any less prevalent. Time to pull out his award-winning small talk skills again, because that went over so well last time. Believe it or not, Gabriel's smart enough to know that bringing up the king's beheading is a bad idea. The traumatic event is likely still an open wound, for lack of a better term. When would it be appropriate to “get over” your own beheading, anyways? Fourty, fifty years? A hundred? Never? It's not like he's going to get his head back. Alright, now he's just stalling. He needs to come up with a conversation topic quick, because he swears the silence is eating away at his soul. Maybe he can talk about V1; he finds himself doing that often. Not that it means anything.

“...I apologize for my friend's behavior.”

Sisyphus raises a brow.

“You have friends? I never thought you had it in you to be likable.” Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be. Gabriel rolls his eyes, giving an indignant glare. “I do not know who you are referring to. Not many can tolerate your presence.”

“I'm just going to ignore what you said and move on. Look, the machine has said it regrets it's actions-”

“Ah, you mean the child of man.” His mood lifts instantly. “At least you have good taste in company. Our battle ought to be remembered; it was invigorating. I hope to have a rematch someday.” Well, that was very much not the reaction he was expecting.

“You don’t…hate V1? They nearly killed you!”

“Is that its name? I shall honor that, for unlike you,” He shoves a finger in his direction. “it fights with a sense of decency.” Gabriel shrinks under his scrutiny. “How ironic, that a war machine holds more virtue than the supreme angel.” Ouch.

“...That was uncalled for.”

“Was it? It’s not my fault that your lover has better morals than you.”

Time stands still for Gabriel. He feels like he just got shot by the railcannon. There’s no way he heard that right…right?

“I’m sorry, my WHAT?”

“Your lover,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You two are joined at the hip. It’s nauseating, honestly. Or was your relationship supposed to be a secret?” Gabriel flounders like a fish out of water. This greatly amuses Sisyphus, who’s found his new favorite pastime: pestering a certain archangel.

“I-we are not a couple! I don’t know where you could’ve possibly gleaned that from, but you’re wrong. They are my companion, nothing more.”

“Denial does not look good on you, Gabriel. I thought you were past that.”

“Listen,” he grumbles. “we may be close, but I do not have feelings for the machine!”

“Whatever you say.” He drawls, voice dripping in sarcasm. Sisyphus grins when the other lets out a frustrated groan.

“You-ngh. You are impossible. For the last time, I’m not in love with them. I don't even like them; they're, uh. Sinful and unholy-”

Thud. They whip their heads towards the noise. It sounded like someone kicking open a pair of doors.

“Did…did you hear that?”

“Of course I heard that. Now shut your mouth.” They sit in tense silence. A single beat passes before the quiet is shattered by a thunderous shout.

“CREATURE OF STEEL.”

Oh no. It better not be who he thinks it is. It seems Sisyphus has the same inkling, both slowly turning to give the other a wary look.

“...Is that-”

CRASH.

The wooden wall by the door explodes inward, a blue torpedo rocketing into the room, splinters flying everywhere. Gabriel lets out an undignified shriek. As the dust settles, he can make out a familiar figure lying in the rubble. Shit. It is who he thought it was. At least they seem completely unharmed, despite crashing through a damn wall. It perks up when it sees Gabriel. V1, like the menace it is, waves excitedly. He can’t for the life of him conjure up a single word to say, speechless for the Nth time today. Sisyphus, for one, doesn’t appear phased, greeting them with a hearty chuckle.

“Ah, V1. We were just talking about you. How nice of you to join us.” It would've given him a wave as well, but their friendly conversation is interrupted by a foreboding presence.

“THOU ART NOT WELCOME HERE.” Minos has arrived, and boy is he pissed. He stands in the hole left in the wall, posture stiff and gaze unyielding. The dim, blue-tinged light that once emanated from his form has grown into a blazing, turquoise glow. His heart pumps furiously, veins bulging, visible through his translucent skin.

If Gabriel thought Sisphysus’ wrath was terrifying, Minos’ is nearly enough to make him go into cardiac arrest. Before he can properly process his own terror, the king starts approaching V1, fists ready. Gabriel quickly scrambles to put himself between the two, reacting before his common sense can stop him.

“Don’t!”

Minos glares down at him. Somehow his lack of eyes makes him even more terrifying.

“Please. Spare them.”

The realization sets in that he’s keeping a predator from its prey, and there’s a slight tremble in the arm he shoots out to keep the man at a distance. With a huff, Minos tries to shove past, but the angel shifts to block him. Gabriel sternly shakes his head.

“Move.”

Minos’ voice drips with venom, thick with barely concealed rage. It takes everything within him to stand his ground, anticipating the worst. After all, V1 would do the same for him.

“I will not. Ask. Again.”

Fuck. Gabriel is starting to regret not bringing his swords. He watches helplessly as the other advances, quick steps with murderous intent. He tenses his muscles, steadies his breath, and prepares for a jaw shattering punch…but is instead met with a voice, low and understanding.

“Minos. Think about what you are doing.”

Gabriel locks eyes with his unlikely savior. Sisyphus is the picture of neutrality, brow set in careful analysis. He's well aware of the fragility of the situation; Minos looks like he’s just about to go off the deep end. And while he has good reason to loathe, Sisyphus knows he'll regret lashing out. His conscience always comes back to haunt him, the damn thing. As much as he'd like to see the two mashed into a red paste, Minos doesn't need another thing to lament over. He can’t say he’s looking forward to defending the duo, suddenly reminded of what provoked such an intense response. He scolds himself for starting to actually get along with Gabriel, nearly forgetting the horrors he unleashed upon his greatest friend. Sisyphus schools his expression, trying not to let his own anger show.

“Your people, they look up to you for your compassion and empathy. Where is that mercy now?”

There's a near unperceptive tremor that wracks his friend's tense frame. Good. He's getting through to him.

“The beings before you did what they needed to survive. While their actions had dire repercussions, and I am not absolving them of fault here, consider their circumstances.”

Minos doesn't want to. He doesn't want to humanize them any further. He wants to tear them apart like they did humanity, unhindered by stupid morals.

“Would one blame a trout for thrashing when caught? Would one scorn a wolf for killing to eat?”

A thick, black liquid starts to ooze out of Minos’ abyss-like face. It flows like tar, ugly and coagulated with sorrow and feelings he'd hate to dissect. In the hollow silence that swallows the room, they can hear his breath hitch.

“Gabriel,” Sisyphus says, fixing him with a piercing stare. The angel stares with wide eyes, not expecting to have been brought into the conversation. “You were a weapon wielded by another, neglected and abused. When you inevitably faltered, you were discarded like a rag.”

Gabriel lowers his gaze. He hates that they're right.

“The sins you committed were the result of eons of manipulation and torture. When you finally realized what you'd done, you took immediate action to correct your mistakes with the little time you had left.”

The angel in question is stunned into silence. Truly, what more could he have possibly done in his situation? With only one day to right his wrongs, it’d be futile to reason with the council; killing them was the sole solution. As for the sins of his past, perhaps all the blame does not fall on him. It was the council’s abuse that forced him to carry out their word, conditioned to be unquestioningly loyal to the point of blind faith. While he was the one to strike innocents down, the blood is also on their hands. An ancient weight is halved, lifted from his shoulders, no longer unbearable. A sliver of forgiveness, not from another, but for himself: a gift he never expected Sisyphus of all people to bestow upon him. He would’ve expressed his gratitude if not for the sudden shift in subject, mourning the chance to thank his unlikely advocate.

“V1,” the machine perks up at the mention of its name. “You were created to kill and survive, and you did just that. After the threat of death had passed, you opted to explore beyond your nature. If passivity was an option, you took it.”

They do little more than tilt their head in consideration. They’re a bit hard to read on the count of not having a face, so he can only speculate if it's having a similarly Earth-shattering revelation like his.

“You defied your creator’s wildest expectations. Yes, you are violent, and ruthless, and efficient, but you are more than just that. I see flair in the way you fight, confidence in your skills, and a desire to succeed. You are so much more than the actions you did in order to survive.” He lets a beat of silence pass for the information to sink in before addressing the man of the moment.

“Minos, listen to me.” The king doesn't turn to face him, but he's known him long enough to tell he’s hearing every word. “You are a just ruler who took the time to care for each of your denizens, and you have every right to be angry that they met an untimely death. You did not deserve your fate, and neither did they. And neither did V1 and Gabriel. We are all victims of circumstance.”

Minos’ fists shake, clenching and unclenching. Everything sounds like it's underwater, words garbled and distorted, yet frustratingly coherent. He wants to plug his ears and scream until he suffocates, anything to get Sisyphus’ voice out of his head. He wants to destroy everything and everyone, until there is nothing left, and then destroy himself too. For once, he just wants revenge, not resolution. It’s not like he can ever get his people back, anyways. Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench.

“The only thing we can do now is to live on. Stand down, Minos. Is this what your people would've wanted?”

Something in him snaps, and the fight leaves him all at once. It’s not. It’s not what they would’ve wanted; how deplorable it would be to kill in their memory. Wordlessly, he rushes out of the room. Sisyphus holds out an arm to stop the other two from following.

“No. Give him time.”

The air is plunged into silence once again. Gabriel dares to break it, eager to give thanks.

“I-thank you. We truly appreciate-”

“Don't. Just-” Sisyphus sighs, shaking his head. “don't. I didn't do this for you.”

“...”

“We will meet by the castle entrance when the sun starts to set for your departure. Do not follow me.”

“...I understand.”

Wow. A bit harsh. Regardless, he's still grateful for this new perspective, if not a tad disappointed. Sisyphus rises from his chair and heads toward the door, steps stiff yet dutiful. Lost in thought, it takes Gabriel a moment to notice the king hasn't actually left the room yet, lingering with his back turned.

“The suffering you’ve brought my dear friend is beyond cruel. For that, my forgiveness is withheld, but my words hold true. Do with that what you will.” He finally exits, figure slipping through the door.

Huh. The pseudo-approval of Sisyphus feels…nice. It’s easy for him to get lost in his own sense of accomplishment. Gabriel feels a hand rest upon his. He snaps out of his trance, eyes trailing up its arm to see the machine sitting beside him, staring ahead. There's an awkwardly long pause before V1 has the courage to speak up.

Its hands move in quick, stilted gestures, conveying aggression in its urgency. Oh, they’re angry, he realizes, cringing in anticipation. He’s had more than enough action for today, thank you very much.

What are you doing here?!

“Me? I-uh,” Gabriel scrambles for an excuse. “I was just visiting lust for a chat with a couple old friends, but um. We had a little disagreement.”

The machine raises a single brow. Or they would’ve, but making fully-functional robotic eyebrows was apparently not one of their creator’s priorities. Shame.

Right. It looks like you three had an absolute ball.

The angel grimaces.

“Alright, fine. I came here to apologize for my actions.” He huffs. “And clearly, it didn’t exactly go to plan,” gesturing to the bruises that still litter his torso.

No shit. And without your armor, too. What, were you trying to get yourself killed?

“W-well, when have you ever cared about my wellbeing?” Gabriel growls, suddenly standing to his full height. “Even if you do, I’m just a bloodbag to you. You only care about your own survival. You always have.” V1 narrows their optic.

You don’t mean that.

“What if I do? And what if I was trying to kill myself?!” He shouts, picking up the nearest chair and chucking it across the room. It isn’t until its splintered remains settle on the floor that he regains his composure, kneeling on the ground, visibly deflating.

“I should’ve died after those twenty-four hours were up. I should’ve.” He whispers. He sounds so frail, a startling divergence from his usual bravado. Cold metal makes contact with his shoulder. He turns sluggishly to V1, if only to “hear” what they have to say.

I-

Its movements falter momentarily.

I do care about you. And I always have.

They don’t meet his eyes, but he still desperately clings to the hope that it’s speaking truthfully.

“I…I need some air.”

Gabriel speeds toward the balcony, the machine following suit. He takes a seat on the banister, gaze facing forward as V1 does the same. They both stare at the blazing horizon for a while, until V1 can’t take the silence any longer.

You make me dissatisfied with existence, it blurts out, signing almost incomprehensibly fast.

Gabriel blinks. How to respond to that, he does not know.

“I…thanks? I guess?”

It frantically waves its hands, trying to show it means no ill will.

I mean, you make me want more out of life.

It was never allowed to enjoy things; It never had the chance. But now, they spar for the heck of it, not over sustenance or resources. It takes the time to manually read books instead of scanning them, something they once considered a mere waste of fuel. It ignores the alerts that flood its vision, closing them before they have the chance to tell it that it's being “inefficient.” Text irrelevant its ass. Before Gabriel, they were just surviving. Now, they live.

Gabriel can't help but smile. They said so little, but they needn’t say more. He knows what they're feeling all too well. It takes a bit of effort to muster up the courage, but the machine’s honesty spurs him on, and he manages to find his words.

“I think I understand. You taught me to…want. And by the heavens, I wanted to live, I wanted to fight and struggle and fail, to laugh and cry and watch the sunset a million times over just to say that I did. When my light was taken away, it was you who gave me clarity, and for that…I cannot thank you enough.”

He leans a bit closer, just reveling in the comfortable silence they've created. V1 scoots over, closing the distance between them. The cool metal feels nice against his skin.

I think he's right.

“About what?”

Only thing we can do now is keep living, despite-no, with the guilt.

“...How?” The question of “why” goes unasked.

Not sure. But we're still alive, so we've got to be doing something right.

“...I suppose you have a point.”

Perhaps those questions can be answered another time. Right now, all that seems to matter is the gentle breeze that passes through the cracks in his armor and the feeling of the machine's plating against his shoulder. His heart swells as they bask in the “sun's” rays. Considering they're in literal hell, that glowing ball is no star, but whatever it is shall suffice. They’ll make do, as they always. A ray of light falls upon the pair, encasing them in warmth. How picturesque. Two beings at the end of time, watching the sun set as it slips below the horizon.

…Hold on.

Aren't they supposed to be heading somewhere right now? Oh. Oh. Sisyphus is expecting them.

“Shit. We need to go, now.” He snatches V1's hand and bolts for the door. Heart to heart be damned, they have a deadline to meet.

Maybe Gabriel's previous difficulty navigating the palace was procrastination after all. It's remarkably easy to traverse, especially with his head clear and V1 helping guide him. He supposes everything feels a little easier with a clear head, and they find the castle gate in record time. The prime souls are already waiting there, punctual as expected.

As the two pairs face each other in the doorway, Gabriel notices Minos’ glazed look, Sisphysus’ hand resting on his shoulder. He follows the king’s stare, his eyes landing on the city below.. Before he has time to wallow in shame, Minos’ gaze drifts back to him. Silence. Introspection. After an excruciatingly long lapse in conversation, Minos sighs.

“I bid thee farewell. May thy travels be uneventful.” He senses the sincerity in his voice, and it's honestly relieving. The fact they can even speak to him without hatred oozing from their words leaves him dumbfounded. And it’s not forgiveness, most definitely not, but it’s something. After the atrocities he’s committed, Gabriel is endlessly grateful for this morsel of absolution. The corners of his lips turn upwards as he bows his head in gratitude. His core blooms with warmth.

Ever impatient, V1 halts their respectful exchange by tapping him twice on the shoulder, metal meeting flesh. It raises its hands to sign. Home? It asks. Gabriel huffs fondly, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, yes. We’re going home.” He pivots to the kings. “Thank you very much, truly, but we must get going. This one,” gesturing to V1. “is getting restless. And should also learn some manners.” That earns him a flick to the helmet. He swears he hears Sisyphus stifle a chuckle.

Resisting the urge to bicker, Gabriel turns away, guiding V1 into his hold. With a flap of the wings and a powerful thrust from his legs, they take to the sky. Every beat takes them higher and higher, and further and further from Lust. He doesn’t look back, just focuses on keeping V1 from slipping out of his arms.

His stamina isn’t as infinite as when he still had his light, so by the time they reach the surface, Gabriel is exhausted. They decide to call it a night and rest where they land. He sets up a campfire, not unlike the aftermath of his second defeat, but now with kinder circumstances. It’s nice having someone beside him, even if they are a bit of a pest.

“You're a nuisance, you know.”

The machine gives a cheeky thumbs up. Gabriel heaves a heavy sigh, and for the first time in eons, he feels light. His burdens do not sag and tug at his heart, and the gnawing guilt he harbors has lost its bite. He laughs, pulling V1 in, sheltering them with his wings. Joyous and content, Gabriel gives in to the lulling effect of the setting sun. As sleep pulls him under, he dreams of a hopeful future, not of tongues and teeth.

And though the sight of the lust layer still fills him with regret, the weight on his shoulders is a bit easier to carry. Gabriel may never be able to cry life back into the townsfolk, nor grieve them back from death, but he’s made an effort to make amends. It's a long way forward, yet it's a step in the right direction. These days, the shame doesn't linger and fester like it used to. It's been replaced with a fire that burns bright and unyielding. Gabriel decides he likes his newfound vigor.

And oh, how it suits him to feel strong.

Leave a reply telling me your thoughts if you'd like. :) I appreciate any and all replies lol. And yes, the last line is a reference to the dodie song "Ready now" hehe

[ipsen]

Eto Character Analysis

Big long post coming. Couldn’t help myself.

Admittedly, I’m mostly stealing from this post from the old ages (it’s crazy good and turned Eto into my favorite character), so you can read that and honestly get the same information. But I figured I’d take a swing at the behemoth myself.

Also wanna preface the analysis with the fact that I’m using the official translations as my source, as I can’t access the original scans and also couldn’t read them even if I did (cursed by monolingual tendencies).

Under the cut!

Eto is, unfortunately, a character that is built mainly on subtext crammed into very few chapters. Figuring her out is very difficult and a lot of her more nuanced traits can go over most people’s heads (it’s easy to call her insane, for example, and while she does have a few issues up in the old cranium, i’d hardly call her that).

The most important thing about Eto to keep in mind when discussing her is that she has been failed, and as a result of that, she also believes that she has failed those around her.

Her father left her in what is basically a literal shithole, especially for a baby. Her mother, though she died without really knowing Eto, did leave a journal behind, and Eto’s singular insight to the work regarding herself is that she is just a “byproduct,” and her foster parent got killed (presumably) protecting her from V, punting her to an orphanage where she’d have to steal money to survive (see: re 62), and presumably pretty often at that.

She got insanely lucky with the writer gig and shiono, who-- side note-- means a lot to her. Finally, a positive adult figure in her life! Unfortunately, he is a) only human, and b) her editor/coworker, so his positive influence, while welcome, is limited. still, she picks up his cute little hand gestures and I, personally, appreciate that (see: re 62 and compare it to TG 114).

Just the greatest.

Where was I... Ah, Eto being failed by those around her. And where does that leave her? Look no further than TG 98:

“A replacement is merely a replacement.” Eto doesn’t believe in found family, because she never actually found one.

And within the context of this chapter, we learn another thing about Eto. Whenever she interacts with someone and “breaks” them (the Yasuhisas, Kanae), she heavily projects onto them (because she recognizes their situation; notice how she only ever targets people who are both relatable to her and weaker than her) and breaks apart the “lie” the target tells themself, even if it isn’t entirely accurate:

(re 43) This is a false statement; Kanae does wish for Shuu to recover, he’s just upset it’s happening like this. Because who wouldn’t be, in his situation? Despite everything that he and the others did for Shuu, the only thing able to bring him out of his depression is the very thing that caused it. But I digress.

Back on track, there’s also Haise’s analysis of her work, the most personal thing she has, to consider when discussing her in re 39:

Once again, the void rears its ugly head.

Hopelessness. Emptiness. Filling it with anger and bitterness, and it’s never enough, but it’s all she has. Because the void can only be filled by the things she can never have.

So she throws herself at the CCG, banging her head against its walls with small raids alongside some fellow ghouls and then taking on the special investigators by herself. She’s 14, she’s a kakuja, and she’s mad. Mad at the world that failed her, mad at V for making it the way it is, and mad that things haven’t changed for a very long time. She has Ukina’s journal; she knows how stale the “narrative” is.

Of course, her raids don’t work very well, but she’s basically just a kid. She is as old as Hinami during TG.

Then, she’s finally thrown a bone, and is worse off for it:

Something I’ve noticed when factoring Arima’s influence into Eto’s character is that there is an assumption that the power dynamic between them is equal. It isn’t. I cannot stress this enough; there is a hierarchy at play here, and Eto isn’t the one on top. How do we know this?

(TG 139)

(re 52)

Kaneki was the new toy to replace Eto, the old one.

The ultimate plan is “the One-Eyed King will destroy the egg of V’s world and make something new.” By the time Kaneki does take the throne, this plan has been going on for 13 years. Kaneki was chosen as a candidate at the ten-year mark; he had to have been a non-factor before then. So who is left to become the king instead?

Eto.

The age difference between her and Arima is roughly 4-5 years. Remind you of another relationship?

(TG 14)

Uh-oh.

To reiterate, Eto is a 14-year old kid who has been abandoned by everyone who could possibly love her the way she wants. She desires parental love, protective love, the kind of love that makes her feel safe, when she has only ever fought to defend herself.

Enter someone who is far stronger than she could ever be, someone who could actually offer her the protection she so desperately wants. Unfortunately, Kishou Arima is the endgame mindset of Black Reaper Kaneki, to put it simply: someone who is impossibly distant, wants to die, and craves the approval of everyone.

Let’s expand on Arima for a brief moment. “Craves the approval of everyone,” specifically. He is both the One-Eyed King and the greatest ghoul investigator that ever lived. He doesn’t pick one or the other, and when he dies, he doesn’t have to pick. He is mourned by the CCG, and Kaneki, ever a puppet in someone else’s game, carries on his legacy and “wish“ for coexistence.

Eto is no exception to his godly levels of charisma. She is one of Hinami’s foils, and we know how quickly and easily she latched onto Kaneki. It’s safe to assume that something similar happened with Eto and Arima.

And Eto failed him. She doesn’t become king; someone else does. Someone very similar. And yet, when faced with this new person:

(re 56)

Well, then.

Eto also does everything in her power to give Kaneki the information he needs to break the eggshell. She freely gives away information about V, the Washuu’s involvement with them, the connection to the CCG, everything. Or as much as she can give him while under Cochlea’s surveillance.

So what’s the game here? Why does she support Kaneki, the one who basically stole Arima's approval, something everyone around him wants, from under her nose? Better yet, why is she aiding the search for her “replacement” in the first place? Because remember, even before Kaneki registered on her radar for a candidate for the OEK, she and Aogiri were searching for Kanou, the one-eyed ghoul maker specialist man. Aogiri wanted to use Kanou to make as many possible candidates beyond just Kaneki. So even without Kaneki in the picture, Eto wants a replacement. She wants this. Why?

Well, here’s what I think she actually wants:

(re 53)

There’s no other explanation that I can think of for why she would willingly get herself arrested and leave Aogiri to be fully exterminated on Rushima (the One-Eyed Owl totally could have turned the tables of that battle). She’s only lived as long as she has because she doesn’t want to leave anything unsaid. This is also the reason why she reveals herself as a ghoul as Takatsuki; she’s effectively destroying her own career while simultaneously giving V a huge middle finger.

This desire to close off everything she’s built up until now and pass the torch to Kaneki is also represented in her haircut; she’s literally shedding her burdens to give to someone else. Someone similar to her, but kinder than her. Better than her.

(re 52)

--

I’ve said what I’ve come to say. Thanks for reading!

[darthjess-writing]

Whats the Star wars character you hate the most

Personally, the Star Wars character I hate the most is Rey, and I'll explain why.

As a storyteller, pretty much everything about Rey irks me. It feels like Disney copy/pasted Luke's backstory from A New Hope with a few minor tweaks. She's an orphan from a desert planet who gets drawn into the rebellion through contact with a droid, and then besides these things she doesn't have much CHARACTER. I have never watched the sequels and felt connected in any way to her character or to her struggle or journey. She is very distanced from the audience, and it's really hard to like a character you can't share an emotional connection with.

I feel like Disney said, "People liked the Original Trilogy so let's recreate those feelings again" and so they literally made a character who was basically Luke and then they got lazy with the rest of her backstory.

To be fair, I've never read the novelizations of the sequels, so maybe they develop her character a lot more in those books, I have no idea.

I also hate Rey because I'm definitely bitter about Disney not taking ANY inspiration from the Legends universe regarding the Sequels. Like, they genuinely had so much to work with and they decided to bring Rey in as this sort of half-assed nostalgia factor?

I feel like Disney constantly leans on the excuse of, "people hate Rey because they're misogynist and we wanted to bring more strong female characters into Star Wars." I'm sure there are people that don't like Rey for that exact reason, however there are plenty of strong female characters in Star Wars, and SO MANY MORE in Legends!

We could have had Mara Jade. We could have had Jaina Solo. We could have had Lumiya, and probably a bunch of other badass women I'm not remembering right now.

Instead, we got Rey.

Look, I'm not overly confident about my writing ability. I'm an average writer, I'm not some literary genius. But I can confidently tell you I could rewrite Rey to be a far more interesting character and I cannot say this about any of the main characters of the Original Trilogy or the Prequel Trilogy.

All that being said, I still watch the sequels because yes, they are nostalgic and I will always watch anything Star Wars puts out, because I love Star Wars. And I will never judge anyone for loving certain characters that I dislike, or hating certain characters I personally love. Star Wars is for all of us, this is just my personal opinion.

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

Bitter Kipper 1

For @kirbytimelma0

Thanks for asking me to do this!

It's another day on Planet Popstar, and Kirby is sick of it. He's sick of the stares as he waddles down the streets. The people yelling at him over the smallest things. So what if he swallowed a building? That wasn't his fault! He was doing his best, and no one ever seems to understand that. At least he has a friend, one singular friend in the world. They always understand him, no matter what.

In fact, he's heading there early in the morning, holding onto whatever scrap of optimism he can. It'll be worth it, after all. He loves spending time with this friend. As he pushes his squishy, pink little body through the door, he smiles as widely as he can. Considering most of his body is mouth, that's pretty wide. He's so excited to see his friend.

Blood.

There's blood everywhere.

Blood and guts and horror. In the center of the room, there's a small, squished, mangled body. Small and green but covered in red. It's horrifying, and he spends a solid chunk of time just staring. It's like he's frozen in place.

And then suddenly, everything starts happening, and it starts happening fast. He's being pushed, and then he's pushing, and he can't see and doesn't know what's happening except that he's doing it, he's hurting people, he's lost in his own blind rage, he's losing himself.

He goes on a rampage for a long, long while. After a while he loses track of what he's done, who he's hurt. He literally sees red - a hazy screen of senseless rage he literally can't see through. Unfortunately, it leads to him tripping and falling off a cliff. His eyes open and close frantically, the sky so big and open and wide, and then he compresses and everything goes dark.

He can't open his eyes.

He can't see.

Oh. He can't see. He can't feel.

He- he can't. Is he... is he even anything right now?

Panic starts to set in.

And then he can open his eyes again, and he does except they're not his eyes. Not his body. It's too light and long and big and wrong. He's sitting in a bed, blankets tangled around his too-long-feeling limbs. He sits up clumsily.

Oh.

He's not him anymore. He's in the body of someone else. A young boy, it seems. He lifts a strange, long arm and flexes it. The feeling is weird and definitely not what he expected when he fell off a cliff. There's sunlight streaming in through a window.

Suddenly, the door slams open and he looks over to see a girl walk in, her face pouty and her steps heavy. She's got long hair and braces and there's what looks like cat fur all over her sweater.

"Can you believe it, Dip-dot?" she asks, and he's instantly more confused. "They're still sending us away to Gravity Falls!"

"I... w-what?" His voice is oddly low and words fall out with almost no input from him. There's no strain or extra brain power required on his part. She fixes him with a strange look.

"Our parents? Sending us to live with our Grunkle Stan for the summer? Do you... not remember? It was yesterday."

"I. I don't think you h-have the right person," he strings together, his brow furrowing from the effort of making sure he says the right things in the right order.

"Dipper, cut it out," she sighs. "I like playing games, too, but now's not the time."

"D-dipper?"

"Yes, Dipper, that's your name. Mason 'Dipper' Pines. And I'm your twin, Mabel."

"S-stop patronizing me," he says, pushing himself off the bed with shaky, too long limbs. There's an edge in his voice that he didn't even know was possible, though he doesn't even know what's happening and that's probably a factor.

"What? I'm not-"

"Cut the crap. Something's n-not right here and I'm going to figure out what." He stalks over to her and, though they're the same height, she backs away and shrinks into herself.

"You... you're really not Dipper, are you?"

"No."

"Who are you?"

And so he explains everything. Planet Popstar. His friend. The cliff. In return, once they're on the bus, a hat on his head and cat fur lint-rolled off her sweater, she explains to him everything she can. Mostly it's inane sibling bullshit, and he gets sick of her rambling after a few minutes.

"So you're telling me I'm stuck in the body of a nerd with no powers, and I have you to rely on?"

"Hey, that's mean, Kirby," Mabel says. "I'm doing my best. Actually, we should give you a name because you're half my brothe-"

"Does your best have to include so many unnecessary tangents?"

"I'm trying!"

"Not very hard, it seems."

"What do you know about trying? Aren't you a pink puffball?"

"A pink puffball who saved the world, like, a billion times."

"Why are you so aggressive?"

"I'm not aggressive. I'm passive-aggressive because you're an annoying little kid and I don't want to deal with you."

She gets up and moves away from him after that. Which is fine by him. Not like he wanted to talk to her or hang out with her anyways.

There's a long pause where nothing happens, and then Mabel shifts where she's sitting on the other side of the bus.

"I'm calling you Kipper."

"Don't call me that."

"You're Kirby in my brother's body. I'm not calling you Dipper or Mason and I can't really call you Kirby."

"Try."

"No, I mean people will get upset if I do. Kipper is easier to pass off as people mishearing."

"That's a stupid name."

"Hey!"

"Makes sense. You're stupid, after all."

Mabel shuts up after that - a thing which he is eternally grateful for. Yeah, he's probably being mean, but he just died and he's sick of everything already. He hurts and he's tired and Mabel's voice is high and annoying.

The bus grinds to a halt at Gravity Falls and Kipper catches Mabel staring at him. Instead of acknowledging her, he gets off the bus.

Gravity Falls, Oregon.

He hates it already.

[the-everqueen]

Hi! So this first ask is about the concept you have for that X-men monster fic 👀

so ao3 user darthpumpkinspice dragged me down a Pierce/Logan hole and now i've read everything (in English) in the tags and am subscribed to a current fic-in-progress. i need to make clear: i have not seen Logan (2017). i've read the wiki summary and i know what hugh jackman and bhol look like. pero now i'm invested in smarmy Donald Pierce getting the shit beat out of him by a burned-out Wolverine and/or being a pretty princess/fucktoy for Wolverine.

(go read Twice Shy. and then, just because it's good Rose-as-Dream fic, Heavy Lies the Crown.)

anyways. given this context. i want a fic where Donnie gets revived/captured by A-T in the wake of film events and they test a new serum formula on him and it goes...wrong. cue Logan (also revived, and/or time loop shit, we know i love a time loop) breaking him out, thinking he's going to leverage this little shit for info to dismantle A-T, and instead he's got a handful of monster. two ways for this to go, imho: Pierce is turning into something wolverine-adjacent, with all the gross and delightful body horror and fear of losing humanity that comes with it. i find this fun because wolverines are related to martens and i DO think it's on the nose in a darkly funny way if the (metaphorical) weasel is becoming a (literal) weasel. also wolverines are solitary animals (ha) so putting two of those in close quarters and being like "work together!" has great potential. alternatively, Pierce's body is coping badly with a botched metamorphosis into bhol-as-Wolverine, with all the fun pain of "hey bone claws actually really fucking hurt and when not reinforced with adamantium they aren't a GREAT weapon, actually, because bones break," and "rapid healing factor doesn't stop things from hurting, esp. when 'things' are a pissed off adamantium-reinforced mutant who wants to use you as his personal punching bag." either way! i get Donald Pierce Coping Badly With A New Set Of Instincts, and the delicious playground of "what if we took someone who is definitely traumatized and has been masking that with violence and suddenly/horribly reoriented his whole sense of self while making him dependent on the person who wants him dead more than anyone else."

the first option has the potential for a...softer ending. not kinder, maybe, but it could result in some uneasy truce with elements of pleasure. second one is pure whump. for me, the attraction of this pairing is the flip of a hero into a small-scale villain for someone who absolutely deserves hurt. the reparative factor in non-whump versions is the classic "you have been seen at your absolute worst and someone still thinks maybe you could've had kindness, maybe there's something worthwhile at the bitter pit of you." but there's also the bit where it's like: you are Logan and you are tired. you have been saving the world since forever and it has not fucking gotten better and no matter what you won't die, you can't die, you wish you could die so at least you could stop. and the ghosts keep dragging you back against your will, and living so long makes for a LOT of ghosts. and then this bitch of a kid who tells you he's a fan is in your hands, and he's done a lot of bad and feels no guilt for it. and maybe you could make him sorry. at very least you can have this: you can prove to yourself you're a monster.

[georgierre]

Can we hear about the george fic?

HI ANON THANKS ANON FOR ENABLING ME YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY CHAINS

okay so i've wanted to write some sort of fic about george feeling wonky about his career in f1 for a. LONG time. i have outlines for different fics — one where it's an introspection on his bitterness towards lance, one that's more like perfect blue where loses grip on his identity, one that's dialogue heavy and bojack-inspired with existential conversations — but none of them really Clicked and it just ended up becoming drafts on my shelf.

then, i had a very like. peculiar idea of george running away impulsively. like, he outright Quits and fucks off somewhere because he doesn't want to pursue f1 anymore. i have this planned after george has 2 world championships, because i want george to realize how empty he feels after reaching his peak (first win). like, the depression is Real, he really can't find anything worthwhile in f1 and feels trapped and overwhelmed, so he just goes "fuck it!", packs up and isolates himself from everyone.

(i'll put this under the cut because it is Long + intro to the first chapter is here too!!!)

the fic is actually HEAVILY inspired by daremebyday's fic "for all the honest world to feel" with is drag race rpf of trixie and katya (this is an rpf friendly space yes) wherein trixie hits a mental low, lies to her manager about needing time to write an album, then just rings a random friend to bunker up away from LA. it's such a raw and sad and just Real fic, probably one of my favorites (drag race writers are no joke) and i wanted to adopt some of the story elements of it (think of it like, i'm making an au with this as the basis) but some of the central themes and character introspection are much different. i don't intend to plagiarize anything, i promise, but some events and characters will mirror the original fic.

in my fic, george leaves after the imola gp, packing his bags and heading for london. he has no particular plan. there, he accidentally bumps into nicky who is still studying in the london business school, and he allows george shelter for as long as he needs. these two are two sides of the same coin in my potential fic, but for how, you'll just have to wait til i make it. the main reason i picked nicky as george's roommate and main Bestie for the fic is bc 1.) the dynamic seemed interesting since they both have experienced being stuck in the worst possible team in f1 for two years but having to act like nothing's Wrong. i am a SUCKER for two people stuck in bad situations they have to make do in, especially when they become good friends just because they have no choice. 2.) since george is literally throwing away his f1 career, i thought nicky would be an interesting guy to volley with because he chose to study instead of pursuing driving elsewhere.

other factors of this fic include: this is a georgierre fic! because i like georgierre! they're not gonna be the central theme of the fic until like, a while, but if george and nicky are like two sides of the same coin, george and pierre are sort of like narrative foils. in the fic, george doesn't bother informing pierre about running away because he knows pierre wouldn't run away with him. it's not toxic per se but pierre is everything george thinks he's not, and it hurts for him to think about it. pierre's definitely not doing okay though my god, imagine your favorite person in the world cutting contact from you without saying anything. no closure no reassurance no whatever, just gossip about how george somehow ended up with nicky, and you're thinking about what you possibly did wrong

the fic is definitely inaccurate in a sense that, i don't think george can legally do that without fucking up sponsors and contracts and whatnot, but if it's any consolation, toto has picked up on george's defeated mannerisms a year early, so he IS responsible for george being allowed out scot-free. toto's not mad, maybe frustrated but not mad, and the one thing he tells george is that, the only time he will be disappointed is if this decision of his amounts to nothing. if it turns out george was just wasting this privilege of being let out, toto will never allow him back into merc.

so, central theme! george has to figure out what he wants to do. he's literally pressured into making his impulsive little run away scheme something worth it, which is HEAVY, because george is not mentally okay either. he explores it through going around london, talking to nicky, ignoring all the messages from colleagues and family, blah blah.

i have the first half of the fic already outlined, but the second half i still need to work on. the first chapter, though, is finished, and i can give u all a LONG sneakpeak of it (aka the intro):

[The moment George picks up his new iPhone and heads home, he knew it was over.

There's not much of a difference between this phone and his old one. When he turns it on, it displays the default, aurora-like backgrounds Apple utilizes, and it dawns on him for the first time that, he's really doing this.

He adds important contacts from his previous phone, then downloads all his necessary apps which, actually, is not a lot, since he doesn't plan on redownloading any social media. There's the obligatory WhatsApp (although he doesn't bother syncing his old account), Puzzledom (he needs something to keep his jittery hands busy), and Spotify.

Once he manages to find a radio of upbeat songs, he gets packing.

All his clothes are hastily pulled from his hangers and tossed like basketballs into his luggage. All his toiletries are put into little ziploc bags he conveniently prepared last night. He funnels in a couple of pens in a small pocket inside his backpack, then his diary and important documents. He doesn't clean the mess he's made as he fumbles around, too invigorated with this unique kind of adrenaline he's feeling.

Finally, he gets his old phone. He opens up his Notes and copy pastes a few messages he's made days, even weeks before, into some WhatsApp chats.

To his coworkers,

I know this is incredibly sudden, and I apologize, but I won't be racing anymore. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself, nor am I going to do something else crazy like join a cult. I am just going away to self-reflect. Please don't send anyone after me, nor look for me yourselves. 

Thank you for everything. George Russell out.

To his friends,

I'll disappear for a while— I need to settle some new realizations I had. Not any stupid ones (I know what you're thinking Lando), more life-changing ones. I'm not going to do anything crazy like murder someone (again, looking at you Lando), but I'll get back to you all in a couple of weeks or months. I hope you understand, and bye for now.

To his family,

Hi, I'm very sorry for how sudden this is, but I'm going to take an indefinite time off from everyone to find myself. I won't do anything crazy, and I'm not getting abducted, don't worry. This is none of your faults, and I promise I will get back to you soon. 

To his team,

I know this is going to be a huge hassle for all of you, but mentally and emotionally, I cannot continue racing. I am not going to do something horrible, don't worry, but I'll be going away. Please don't look for me.

I need this.

I hope whoever replaces me does well. Thank you to everyone for everything you've done, especially Toto. I wouldn't be here without you all. But respectfully, I feel like I'm missing something, and I'm going to find it. I hope you all can understand, and I hope that I see you again someday.

Use the remainder of my salary to make up for lost net worth. It should be enough. I calculated.

And to Pierre,

I'm sorry. This is not your fault.

I love you.

After a long press and a sigh, George's old phone vibrates violently as it finally shuts down. He thinks he saw a part of Pierre's name displayed in his notifications.

He still brings the phone with him, just in case.

With a suitcase and backpack on hand, he skims different available flights out of France, selects one headed for London, and books a taxi to the airport.]

[dykesynthezoid]

No bc the more I think of it the more I’m just. floored at Tory of all people being the mirror of Johnny in her relationship with Kreese whereas Sam is the mirror of Daniel in her relationship with Karate I guess? But then Sam is also Johnny with her privilege and Tory is Daniel in having to be the new kid and. I’m sorry I love KC but they dropped the ball on Miguel being the main character, or even Miguel and Robby being the new deuteragonists. And maybe that’s a bad thing, that the show kinda lost who it’s supposed to focus on. I love Miguel and Robby, but I am more compelled with Sam and Tory idk. Their relationship is Lawrusso but different and similar and lovely and.

anyway all this is to say I love your writing and it makes me have Big Feelings about everyone idk idk idk sorry for the rambles

Ahhh tysm and don’t apologize!!! Bc literally you’re so right, like. The focus on Miguel and Robby really stops making as much sense after season 1. Bc in season 1 you have the obvious parallels between Miguel and Daniel and Johnny and Miyagi (and to some extent Robby and Daniel and then Daniel and Miyagi), but after that, the story has grown and progressed in ways that doesn’t really make sense for having Robby and Miguel be The Rivals of the series.

They try to draw certain parallels like the fight at the party in 1x09, which is supposed to remind us of Johnny and Daniel meeting on the beach, but it doesn’t really work bc Robby already knows who Miguel is, lmao, and already has a reason to dislike him. Any attempts to make them seem more like Daniel and Johnny after that just sort of inevitably crumble bc their rivalry/antagonism is so clearly different than what Daniel and Johnny had going on.

Meanwhile Tory and Sam are like. So fucking representative of things coming full circle, of yin and yang, of just!!! Everything!!!

But like. Giving their story the full focus it should have would mean the show would have to admit that they as girls are like. Full people and may even have more interesting inner lives than some of the boys, which; can’t have that, right. (Also, god forbid they have to admit that Sam is actually the strongest fighter of the teenagers, practically and ideologically; bc if she’s the strongest fighter and Tory is about-or-almost on par with her, what does that mean for the guys).

And like, the tension that exists there surrounding female action heroes is not new. It’s been a thing since female action heroes became popular. (I’m literally reading about this rn in Spectacular Bodies: Gender, Genre and the Action Cinema by Yvonne Tasker, actually). There’s a push and pull between wanting to create a female hero for your show/movie bc of what they represent (and the female audience they bring with them) but then there’s a simultaneous inability to fully engage with them, to treat them with the same focus or depth or respect the male heroes get. There’s a tension, an anxiety. They can never just Be. (And it’s an anxiety that is like. Notably still invested in hetero-gender-normative-male supremacy and is basically gnawing on its own arm trying to have its cake and eat it too).

(I should say race is also quite a factor and that characters of color end up getting a similar treatment, which is a problem CK has pretty damn often, but ofc that is its whole own can of worms)

Anyway. Ur totally right to feel that way (much as I love Robby and Miguel). Honestly at times they remind me more of Daniel and Chozen than Daniel and Johnny. And meanwhile Sam and Tory are not only better parallels, but like; their rivalry, their story, is so much more unhinged and intense and overwhelming and feral and just fucking rabid. Miguel vs Robby peaked with the school fight, but bc of the consequences of said fight, their rivalry just kind of. Becomes more cold-and-bitter than the balls to the wall insane shit Sam and Tory have going on, which ofc also means Sam and Tory completely steal the show (especially once Hawk and Demetri have made up).

Overall I think they absolutely could have still focused on Robby and Miguel heavily as characters without inadvertently missing how narratively important Sam and Tory’s Whole Thing is. And that in and of itself is a good reminder that just bc the show chooses to focus on something or someone doesn’t mean they’re getting handled well (oh, Johnny, my man). But yeah. Samtory are just so on their own level tbh

[gar-trek]

oh noooo what abt snw is bad 😭

:smiles:

One million little things. I’ll will put them in an arbitrary numbered list for no reason.

1. Enough TOS already: we get it, tos was pretty awesome but like…. No need to beat a dead horse. Spock is the most deadest horse to ever die. The fact that there has now been THREE actors to revise the roll of Spock is a red flag. When Spock came back on TNG, in the 80s, I felt like they were jumping the shark with that. Enough Spock, let Spock rest. I don’t care about his secret siblings that’s literally dumb. He was at his ever best in tos and everything else after has been a bad interpretation only created so people can go “look it’s Spock!”. Also speaking of which

2. Spock isn’t Spock: SNW Spock serves no Spock energy anyway, so why even bring him back. Just have a different Vulcan character for the love of god…. OH WAIT you can’t because you decided to make a tos prequel and Spock was the first Vulcan in Star fleet so you literally on god cannot have another Vulcan… sucks to be you. And then…. For some unknown reason… they were like “you know what Spock needs ???? A love triangle” like dear lord in heaven the cringe factor just shot through the roof. I don’t even wanna get started about how in amok time it was very clearly implied and stated and tpring and Spock had an arranged marriage and only ever met as children. You know, the whole reason they didn’t wanna get married because there was nothing between them in the first place and being shackled to a stranger for the rest of their lives would have been awkward as hell….. instead the writers of SNW were like “what if we retconned one of the most iconic episodes of tos… and instead made it so Spock and tpring were bitter exs 😂😂😂😂” LIKE SHUT THE HELL UP! Honestly Spock not being interested in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships was very fundamental to his character. It set him apart from the others in the show and was definitely meant as a parallel to Kirk who was constantly falling in love with everyone. How many times did they have to explain the concept of love to Spock who would then be like “hmmm I don’t personally get it but you humans do seem to gain something from it.. so” AND NOW WE ARE MEANT TO BELIEVE THAT SPOCK WAS IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND IN LOVE ???? Literally giant retcon for something so fundamental to his character.

3. They based a show off a failed pilot from the 60s: that’s kinda all I have to say about that one. It’s just kinda funny on principle and kinda gives the whole operation doomed vibes. They were like “nooooo we can make it happen this time I swear!” Yeah. No.

4. Pike is nothing: Pike is a lame captain, I’m sorry. He constantly seems like he doesn’t know what’s going on and his plastic face is stuck in a smirk as if he’s epic, and I feel like the show keeps TELLING us how epic he is and yet he has done nothing to prove that so far. Like character will walk up to him and be like “pike you are so bad ass!” But it seems like whenever anything bad happens pike looks exactly like the below picture.



Maybe he did awesome stuff in disco that I just didn’t see yet but still…. No proof of anything bad ass. I feel like he’s not even in the show that much, really.

5. I don’t like the humor: humor is personal of course so I won’t go too much into it, but they rely on a lot of quippy one liners and characters reacting to something random happening by being like “well that was random!!!” Which to me is just like the laziest form of humor. I honestly think that classic trek managed to be very very funny at times, especially tos and ds9, and they never much relied on pointing at something, turning to the audience and going “well isn’t that crazy!”

6. Weird pacing: I feel like I’m constantly being bored to tears and yet often get taken off guard by events happening. I think this is because they try and throw in as many plot twists as possible. I do not like unnecessary forced plot twists. For example at the end of episode three they were like “the transporter didn’t work….. because m’benga is keeping his daughter in there!” Like what. Literally what. No hints to that before. No nothing. Plot twists that come out of left feild with no hinting before hand are just empty. That whole episode was filled with empty plot twists. “Number one is genetically modified!” Like okay. Do you want me to feel shock at this revelation that is never brought up again and holds no relevance in the bigger picture

7: I dont like new trek aesthetic: again just a personal preference. I can barely look at the stark white shiny chrome polished plastic of it all. I hate lense flares too and it’s disappointing that the new trek aesthetic seems to be mostly established from AOS movies… like why. I will say they have built some impressive sets and don’t seem to be relying too much on CGI to get the job done, so that’s good to see and to their credit. But yeah, I think the 60s modernism of TOS was very timelessly beautiful. I understand it was very of the era and won’t hold up the same, but I wish they would have incorporated more aspects of modernest design when creating the aesthetic for new trek. Like that wouod have cool. Oh and also most the uniforms are so 🤢🤢🤢

8. there is only 10 episodes per season: that is like, not enough time to get into a show in my opinion. No time to get to know any character or nothing. Oh and speaking of that

9. Why is there so many damn characters. I can’t even tell who’s supposed to be a major character and just kinda a background character. It leaves no time to explore their personalities since we have only got to know them for 10 episodes. I guess maybe since half of them have been mentioned before we are supposed to know them already? Like Spock? But for a character we know the most about, we sure do spend a lot of time on Spock.

I don’t know, I could probably keep going. Like I said a lot of this is just personal opinion and it’s not an awful show. It’s just I care so much about the franchise it would be hard for any show to meet my expectations. I did go into it kinda exciting but pretty neutral and wanted to watch as much as possible before I formed an opinion. I’ve seen up to episode 9 now and am definitely gonna finish it off, just for completions sake. Overall it just feels pretty stale to me, like they aren’t trying to do anything new and are just relying on recognizable stuff from the franchise to get them through. I’d really like to see them make a show that continues the journey (you know… maybe We can meet the…. Next generation… of people in starfleet?) instead of shows that keep going back or are based around well known character.

I think they are really scared to make a series that doesn’t heavily lean on TOS or TNG because those are their two most recognizable shows. However, if they made a show that took place where canon left off (after ds9) then they would have to bank on the fact that everyone watched a much less popular series. I feel like they don’t even want to touch the dominion war because they are afraid no one will know what that is, but in order to make a truly new series they do kinda have to talk about it, don’t they? So like, instead of dealing with that whole mess let’s just keep making prequels because everyone knows who Spock is. So yeah those are most my thoughts on SNW (I could keep going) if anyone reads this whole thing feel free to send angry messages and pick apart the probably countless misspellings I made here cuz I am not going back to edit all this. Bye

[bravewolfvesperia]

He paused, because honestly, he didn't know what to say right away. Flynn was always the first one to argue with him doing anything remotely unlawful, but now he didn't care at all that Yuri was going out destroying the Vision Centrals. All because Yuri had shown up on it? Been condemned by so many people? It had... changed his mind that strongly?

There was a way he could hear everything, but it meant leaving his post. It meant possibly losing everything he had as a knight. Even if he wasn't known to have willingly gone with Yuri, he could lose his position and favor in the knights just from being gone for a long time. Once Yuri left, he wasn't exactly coming back any time soon. In the event that he was okay with that, he could go with Yuri and be told what happened and what Yuri was planning to do from here.

Also, he had to factor in Vicious and the others. While he wouldn't always be with them, he did plan to meet up with them semi-regularly. They shared information and worked together as needed. Would Flynn even be comfortable around, literally, a group with nothing but transgressors including Yuri himself? Would he even be comfortable seeing... Yuri now with this group of all condemned people and having to truly realize this was his life now? That it was where he belonged? With such people?

Normally Yuri wasn't all that selfish. Right now though Flynn was making it difficult. Seeing Flynn taking this so hard make it hurt for Yuri too. Actually, as hard as it had been up until now, it really was easier before he met Flynn here. All he had to do was remember Flynn was doing well for himself and that he had a mission of his own to take care of. With that in mind, it was enough to keep going.

That wasn't really how he felt about it anymore. More correctly, he wasn't sure he could feel that way about it anymore. It didn't feel as simple now. Hearing Flynn's actual thoughts from the man himself meant he couldn't just hope and guess anymore. Since he'd done that much though, Yuri could at least provide him the option to decide what he wanted to do.

So, keeping his voice down, he told him as much as he could for now. Flynn would probably have more questions after this, but that had to wait. "I work with a group of transgressors. That's why I'm destroying the Vision Centrals." Yuri took Flynn's hand and held it, as if to stop him from moving it away from hearing that. "They're all people who were wrongfully condemned and are now traveling together. They're looking for a way to change this system and stop Vision Orbs if possible. From what I understand, they're trying to stop it at its source... even if that includes defeating the goddess Kasque herself."

For a moment he held a breath. Even the way he talked was starting to change. Most of the time he couldn't relax now. If he was off somewhere on his own with Repede in the middle of nowhere, sure, he was fine. Getting a night's sleep wasn't difficult when he was alone and found an abandoned location. No people meant nobody to notice his Stain of Guilt and plead for Enforcers. Nobody around to recognize him meant he could sleep that night.

Out in the open though? Being near people? Even in an alleyway, it was close enough to being out in the open. He was in an area where he could be recognized, or at the very least simply seen as someone with a Stain of Guilt and thus immediately someone who needed to be dealt with. Around Vicious he could sometimes get back some of what he lost, but... once he was back on his own, left to his own thoughts, he started to become bitter again.

With his hand still around Flynn's, he lightly lowered it to rest at their sides, though he hadn't let go yet. "While they look for a way to change or destroy the system, I'm getting rid of people's ability to see broadcasts. Vision Orbs are essentially useless if they can only show what they've recorded to an immediate audience. If only the people in front of them can see it, people can't be condemned the way they are now."

With pure bias and ignorance. If people could be that ignorant to begin with, they could settle with being ignorant of any "crimes" too. What they didn't know wouldn't bother them. They couldn't be "bothered" or "concerned" or "afraid" by someone's broadcasted story that none of those viewers could confirm to be true or not.

"Without Vision Centrals, no matter what people 'broadcast', nobody will see it. If the broadcaster can't get enough pleas for condemnation, the Enforcers won't show up and nobody can be condemned. It would prevent people from becoming transgressors while they work on changing things. The knights will have their work cut out for them, but... that's what they're there for. Vision Orbs have just become a cheap way out for people with a grudge."

Even if they could build the individual Vision Centrals themselves back up, it would take time, and in that time, he would be destroying others. For every possible one people could rebuild, he would have destroyed, well, a lot more. It would still put a massive dent in people's ability to condemn, and the faster he worked, the better.

"Since the group I work with has someone who can handle dealing with the goddess and all that business, they need someone working on the outside. Preventing more of this bullshit from happening while they do their own work. I can't solve this by myself, but if we're working alongside each other, there's at least a chance... and it will at least stop any other innocent people from ending up like them."

Finally, he took one more deeper breath. "I don't think I have time to answer more than that. I need to get out of here. I won't ask you to keep suffering. If you wanna go with me, I won't stop you. Just... don't go with me without understanding that everything you're used to is gonna seriously change. You'll also have to get used to being around transgressors. I might be able to fake kidnapping you if we get caught at some point, but... don't tell anyone besides the people I know the truth. I don't want you getting condemned too. Whatever you decide though, sorry, but... I need to know right now."

Yuri could have danced around it all he wanted, but Flynn knew exactly what he meant. Yuri would be out of the city and away from harm if Flynn hadn't stopped him. Of course, Flynn couldn’t be entirely blamed. He was only human and Yuri was one of the most important people that Flynn had in his life. After a month of not even knowing if he was alive, it was understandable that Flynn would reach out and lash out upon seeing him again. 

But even that small interaction alone was enough to almost get both of them caught. Flynn still wanted answers. What happened that day when Yuri was condemned. If he did kill that man, then why? And how did he manage to escape the Enforcers? And what led him down the path of destroying Vision Central? If they had all of the time in the world, Flynn would have asked those questions and more. 

But they didn’t have enough time. They didn’t have any time, really. And as much as Flynn hated it, he knew that as much as Yuri did. And perhaps that was why he had gotten so worked up in the alleyway. Because life was proving once again that it simply just wasn’t fair. He wished with all of his heart that he could just receive one little sign that Yuri was alive. And now he’s received it and against his better judgment, he was asking for more. And not only did that put Flynn in danger, but it put Yuri in danger too. 

So once again, he was going to have to shove that desire deep into his chest and lock it away, for Yuri’s sake. 

“You mean nobody would have caught up to you if I hadn't stopped you.” Flynn quickly corrects him, keeping his voice steady and his eyes trained on the surrounding area instead of looking at Yuri. This would probably hurt a lot more if he looked over at him. 

“As for plans, I really wanted to hear your side of the story and other things but you really don’t have time to deal with my hundreds of questions. I don’t know why you’re going around and destroying Vision Centrals, but I can’t say I care too much. I’ve wanted to watch that thing get demolished since you showed up on it. I’m not sure what destroying it is going to do though…” 

Despite none of it making sense to Flynn’s brain, he was sure that Yuri had his reasons. And it was just too dangerous for Yuri to stay behind. Growing up, he always thought that Yuri would be by his side. Even when Flynn would have to leave Zaphias for weeks at a time, Yuri was usually around to greet him when he got back. Even if the Knights had never been Yuri’s thing, he was usually so supportive of what Flynn worked towards. What they both technically worked towards. Flynn was certain, at the time, that they would be side by side forever. It was really easy to just assume that. But life clearly had other plans and now he was having to watch Yuri leave, not knowing if he would even come back or not. And it wasn’t like Flynn could just drop everything and go with him, even if Yuri did allow that. 

Flynn had to stay here and protect the Lower Quarter as best as he could. Protect himself as best as he could. After his run in with Aegis, when he had been given the false information that led to the death of his squad, he was certain that someone was trying to remove him from the picture. One way or another. He… never did tell Yuri about that, did he?

There wasn’t going to be any easy way around this. The vision orbs completely ruined what life Yuri had before this and there was no getting it back. And because of that, did that mean that Flynn was going to lose what he had with Yuri before that? Would they be able to see each other again? Or would Yuri deem it as simply too dangerous? 

It just wasn’t fair. 

Flynn finally forced himself to turn around and step back into the alleyway because the least he could do was look Yuri in the eye, even if Yuri himself was struggling to do so. “I’m sorry for throwing a wrench into your plans of escape… I… wish you could stay. But I’ll probably just end up getting you killed if you do and I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if you were killed because of me.” 

He forced himself to stay calm and to keep how much he wanted to keep yelling and screaming close to his chest. Throwing a temper tantrum because the world was against them at every given opportunity wouldn’t change a thing and instead would just make it worse. It wasn’t fair. But he had to get over it. But it just wasn’t fair–

His hand reached out and cupped Yuri’s cheek again, letting his thumb go over the man’s scar again. He wondered if Yuri realized that even if the world was against him, Flynn would still stand by him. He had to realize that, right?

[friendlyfaded]

Feels like this would be a super messy relationship but Darlin/Vega?

Hahaha, see, uh, the thing about that is I am currently writing A Thing. About the two of them. So, messy? Perhaps. But does it work? Hell yeah. So, needless to say, I’ve definitely thought about it. Not to mention I’m a massive Darlin’ kinnie and I hardcore simp for Vega so I’m here for it.

I’m diverging pretty far from my WIP here because i want it to be a surprise lol.

We know that Vega is powerful as fuck. He tends to be manipulative, but he’s firm in his beliefs. He seems to follow a strict moral code, it’s just that no one knows what the fuck that code is. He’s also misunderstood. Or, I guess a better way to put it would be, he’s used to people making judgements about him based on his species and subspecies. Like, if you’ve ever watched Avatar the Last Airbender, the scene where Azula is talking by the campfire about her childhood. “My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.” That. That’s exactly what I mean.

On the other hand, you have Darlin’. They’re also very fucking powerful. It’s clearly established that even younger vampires tend to be stronger than other empowered humans, and Darlin’ faced off against two vamps by themself and survived, not to mention their tie with Quinn (old-ish blood turned by old blood) after he hurt their friend. They’re a powerhouse. They’re not what I’d call manipulative, but they will lie to keep people safe. Their moral code is a bit hazy, at times, but it’s clear they have a strong sense of justice. They are also often judged based on other’s assumptions. Rumors and stigma can be hard to shake, and when you used to associate with a powerful, sadistic vamp, I can’t see that being an easy reputation to get rid of.

Similar to the way I interpreted Vega in the Sam/Vega analysis, I’m going to be taking into account Imperium Vega’s personality here. Vega is sadistic and bitter. He can often be cruel. But when he decides that he does care about something or someone, literally nothing can get in his way. In the Prime universe, he (presumably) killed several demons to ensure Warden was safe, captured an Enforcer, and then walked them to a safe place (as humans can’t rift or they’ll literally dissolve). He went to great lengths to ensure their survival and wellbeing, whatever way you slice it. We all already know he goes to great lengths for Pet, as well, in the Imperium. He comes up with plans for if the initial resistance plot fails. He does everything he can to ensure their safety. He might not always seem like it, but when Vega decides to care about something or someone, he doesn’t half-ass it.

Vega (in the Imperium, at least) values honesty, as long as that honesty is worth it in the long run. He tells Pet his plans to ensure they don’t do anything rash while he’s gone. I think he would do the same for Darlin’, especially since he knows they’re quick to jump into action before thinking it through. Being kept in the loop when it comes to important shit goes a long way when you’ve got the kind of trauma and anxiety I’m certain Darlin’ has. It would likely also set their mind at ease to know that a powerful demon is ready and willing to help them protect their family when Quinn comes back (if only to ensure Darlin’s emotional wellbeing).

Their relationship would be complex, but there’s a lot they could connect on. I think the biggest factor would be Darlin’ earning Vega’s respect and interest. I don’t doubt they could, though. Darlin’ is impressive in a lot of ways.

This is a ship with tons of potential, depending on how you look at Vega’s personality. I personally really like it!

[sepublic]

Part of what makes Vee compelling to me is that she’s a clever way of incorporating a What If scenario for Luz that doesn’t require Oracle magic, or anything else that can predict alternate timelines; Which could be its own can of worms.

We get to see ‘Luz’ go through the summer camp, make friends just like her, continue to live with Camila! And there’s rather melancholy realization on Luz’s part, that this is what she could’ve had... A direct, living, example. And it just raises the question of what Luz potentially lost, and if she ever really needed to go to the Boiling Isles, if Vee is happy!

And obviously there are factors to consider; Vee is not Luz and has different desires and needs than her. Her entire life up until this point was as a lab experiment, and then a refugee. Anything is better than what she has and she was asking for safety, not for the chance to be herself and live her dreams. But at the same time... Vee kind of can still be herself on Earth, even if she isn’t? She’s on the surface Luz Noceda, but in practice, Vee gets to relax and act like a kid, and for the most part be herself.

Which again is some fascinating parallelism between her and Luz. And again, it’s worth noting that anything would be better than the life she’d lived before, so of course Vee will think this is great and better than the isles. It’s two very different contexts, but to Luz... Sure, there’s nothing saying she would’ve taken to the camp like Vee did; But there’s nothing saying she wouldn’t have, either. And it’s just such a fun and neat way of exploring the real world impact of what this alternate choice would’ve and could’ve been for Luz; And having the girls sort of briefly contest their choices during their search for magic.

Now obviously, I don’t think the narrative is saying Vee is right to feel resentment towards Luz, she herself seems guilty about these feelings, like she knows they’re wrong, even if she can’t shake them off either. And I think that’s also another dilemma to consider; The idea of someone who had it so much worse than you, so when they treat your life as a paradise and luxury... Do you really have the right to ask for more, when others have even less? Is Luz just being greedy and ungrateful, should she just learn to settle?

And again, Vee didn’t settle; She got something better. So did Luz. And Vee is a normal person, and she might still be in that phase where after growing accustomed to this normal lifestyle, she could potentially ask for more; Maybe want the chance to express herself in other ways, now that she’s had a higher-priority need met. It’d still be valid after all... And so is Luz. But I think that brief exchange really sums up how guilty a lot of people can feel, for asking and wanting for more when others have less, when others would give everything to have what we have, and can’t help but feel resentful that we don’t appreciate it; But ultimately, we shouldn’t let that stop us.

Yesterday’s Lie is just such a wonderfully existential episode. I would argue almost Twilight Zone in its premise; Getting to interact with someone who lived through what you missed, just so you could see in actual execution, not just hypotheticals, what you could’ve had. Maybe even who you could’ve been, and the potential bitterness that comes from that; Was Luz always capable of getting the happy life that Vee wanted in the human world, or is it because Vee is literally just built different? And is being different from Vee a problem about Luz itself; Is there something wrong with her, if a basilisk is better at being ‘human’ than her? It’s so easy for Luz to be jealous of Vee, and vice-versa; Because they both resent the other for ever having had that ‘human’ life, for different yet similar reasons.

It’s just so wonderfully melancholy and there’s just enough ambiguity towards the situation, due to the differences between Luz and Vee that one would need to account for; Lots of variables. So it’s not exactly the most accurate ‘experiment’, but it does certainly raise questions and make everyone think. There isn’t really the satisfaction of a hard and set answer, and regardless of if we do get one, the audience and Luz is still forced to grapple with that kind of uncertainty for a while, which just makes her self doubt all the more compelling; That almost regretful What If that makes us even more indecisive, because you never know what you’ll miss out on if you make a choice.

And you can’t always choose both, which is fittingly a dilemma Luz really struggles with; Especially if she asks herself, does she even need both? Esp if she should just settle for what she can get, like Vee did... Even if Luz recognizes that’s what done is done and she may as well continue with that, there’s still the idea that the other way could’ve worked too, as both options are valid. She made her choice so Luz can’t go back, she still has to live with and may as well defend it, since that path IS valid and the other choice being so as well doesn’t change that; But knowing that it didn’t need to be this way could either make or break her, ultimately. Because maybe Luz no longer has the justification to her mother of this being the only choice she could’ve made for herself, not anymore... So she’d better convince Camila that the isles is still worth keeping now that Luz is so far into this life.

This type of scenario really is haunting, because it’s two different pathways meeting and clashing with one another, trying to reconcile; And both outcomes are just as real, valid, and living as the other when comparing. So you can’t quite dismiss the other option as just a simulation, a hypothetical, that never actually played out and is merely just an educated guess; Because it DID work and it’s standing right in front of you. Luz is still emotionally intelligent enough to recognize that her choice with the isles ultimately DID still help her and was valid (she’s no fool), but in the end, Vee’s case really is food for thought isn’t it?

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

First of all: yes, it abso-fucking-lutely does. Eddie keeps making fun of Steve for being a jock but not being able to keep up when literal superhuman beings are playing bc he is a little shit.

The first time Steve was invited to a match he somehow managed to convince everyone that he is totally able to play with them. Until a thankfully relatively weak ball flew right against his temple. Now he sits in the sidelines and keeps vibrating like a Chihuahua

Second of all:

Okay, so you'll have to trust me on that one, okay? Put all the pre-established twilight character dynamics on the back burner for a sec because I promise that I have a vision

(rest under the cut bc it became longer than expected 😅)

a) The Cullens in this Universe are actually the Wheelers. Why, you may ask? Because I find the thought of the most normalest family actually being just vampires who are extremely good at being undercover kind of funny. Like in twilight, the Wheelers are all very old. Unlike twilight, they do not have romantic relationships with their kinda pseudo adopted siblings:

-> Ted Wheeler is Esme Cullen, because both are equally unimportant and I would also be uncooperative and bitter if my only superpower was "having self-control". Except that Ted was also the one who turned basically everyone else, which is why in his mind he already did his part and can just leave everything to Karen. It is also why Karen feels kinda indebted towards him and never leaves him even if she really wants to.

-> Karen Wheeler is Carlisle Cullen. She has basically the same powers as her husband except an even better version, which is another reason why Ted is low-key bitter

-> Holly Wheeler is Jasper Hale. She was obviously not a soldier herself since she was so young when she got turned. Maria chose to turn her because of her age: nobody would suspect an innocent little kid to brutally murder you and turn you into an undead being to join a murderous army of newborn Vampires. Like Jasper she can feel and manipulate other's emotions, which considering how her brain is far from being fully developed is hell for everyone involved. After a while she managed to escape and got adopted by Karen and Ted

-> Mike Wheeler is Emmett Cullen, except that he got mauled by a Demogorgon instead of a bear. This is also a huge part of the reason why he is so insistent on finding Will and protecting El (both also having had bad experiences with the upside down in a forest just like him)

- Will actually dies in the S2 finale and Mike turns him into a vampire to save him. Gay panic ensues, which also explains his s3 behavior

- also Will and El grow much closer as a consequence bc their sibling dynamic is everything. El shows Will how to control his vampire side, and Will shows El how to behave like a human

-> Nancy Wheeler is Edward Cullen. And yes, Steve is still Bella. Remember how I said to trust me? Here we go:

- Nancy barely has any friends bc others find her superhuman beauty intimidating, which is also why she isn't bullied even though she would technically make a great target

- Nancy willingly keeps going to high school because she finds it fascinating to see how the curriculum and the culture among the youngsters keeps shifting (+ she loves learning)

- Like Edward her power is to read minds, and like in twilight she is intrigued with Steve bc he is the only one whose mind she can't read (though he is still the one who first approached her)

- Also like Edward she is a bit more old-fashioned, and the only reason why she sleeps with Steve before marriage is because she is a true romantic and thinks that the fact that she can't read his mind means they are soulmates. (dw, no weird renesmee stuff)

- yes, the van scene still happens. Steve's type will always be ppl who can absolutely kick his ass

- another huge factor on why their relationship doesn't work out in the end is because she is unused to not being able to read his mind. Plus she still kind of believes that they are soulmates for a while, and thus thought that everything would work itself out on its own sooner or later

b) Robin Buckley is Jacob Black. Except she isn't a nice guy who keeps being an asshole when Bella doesn't choose him. In fact, she isn't into Steve at all (for obvious reasons). The Edward vs Jacob triangle is entirely in Steve's mind bc he is also a romantic AND a dramatic lil bitch

-> all werewolves are in band for some reason. There are only like two band members who are entirely human and completely unaware of the supernatural

-> Robin still meets Steve in Scoops Ahoy and helps him get over Nancy

-> They still are platonic soulmates which means that Robin basically adopts him into the pack

c) The moment we have all been waiting for. Steddie. They don't really have twilight counterparts I think but I've got an entire fucking backstory for Eddie and Wayne so buckle up:

-> Eddie's Father and Wayne were created by Vecna (kinda Victoria?)

- shortly before he was turned Eddie's dad had Eddie and then disappeared with Vecna

- Wayne stayed behind to take care of Eddie because his nephew is his only family (besides his brother) and Eddie's mom isn't in a stable enough place to properly take care of a child

- Wayne never wanted to turn Eddie into a vampire since like Edward he believes that vampires have no soul and belong in hell (he was raised in a pretty Catholic environment in the south, which explains his accent)

- One day Vecna and Eddie's dad return and hunt Eddie and his mom. It is too late for the mother, but Wayne manages to save Eddie by turning him into a vampire

- Eddie is actually not very old bc that one post about Eddie being a young vamp is hilarious (I'll link it if I can find it)

- Wayne and Eddie live in a trailer so they never stay in one place for too long because Wayne is paranoid that his brother will return and finish the job

- Wayne always does more physical labour like working in a construction site or a factory because:

-he never finished highschool

-his power is superstrength

-they never look too closely at his VC

-its easier to stay anonymous

- Eddie's power is to manipulate sound waves (so he can make something appear louder or quieter than it actually is or do that thing where you only can hear the sound through one ear except irl), which is part of the reason why he is so obsessed with music and such a good storyteller

- Eddie thinks that Steve is a werewolf (see point b) and has a huge character arc where he realizes that he is wrongly prejudiced against them, only to finally ask Steve out and discover that he was human all along actually

- Eddie does have genuine difficulties in school, but he also sometimes bombs tests on purpose so that they can stay in Hawkins for a bit longer (the deal is that the Munsons will move again as soon as he graduates)

- Eddie's dream has always been to become a famous rockstar, but he knows that he can never allow that to become reality because of his status as undead non-human immortal being. (Tho if the crowd is very good and he is really in the zone he will sometimes use a bit of his powers on accident. Or on purpose. But he's always subtle so it's fine)

- The Munsons and the Wheelers play vamp baseball together :) stobin keeps judging them in the sidelines (half of Robin's job is to stop Steve from running in and joining the game)

ik that like half the st cast is missing so feel free to add on more (or maybe I'll do a part 2 if I get any ideas)

I'm probably not going to write anything in this au tbh so if anyone wants to take this idea and do sth out of it I only ask of you to tag me so I can see it ^^

wait wait wait steddie twilight au with Steve as Bella (except with flavor) and Eddie as the vamp (except less conveniently attractive and more pathetic) who keeps repeating his senior year because he's just vibing with corroded coffin and hellfire club so why tf not

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.