#it is simply fucked up what staff has done. there doesn't seem to be a good way to MAKE them change it

[imwritesometimes]

falling for propaganda from other countries just cause it's critical of your own country does not make you immune to propaganda but go off I guess

[mrsdesade]

What about some Homelander x needy fem reader smut? He made her cry and then he goes soft on her? :)

Say no more anon, here's something for you! It will definitely be something long because I liked the idea so much!

Afterparty;

Pairing: Homelander x fem!super (Ophera as usual) TW: NSFW, mention of drugs, teasing, smut, fluff, aftercare Words count: 2,6k

You and Homelander are attending a night party hosted by Vought, a grand event where the company's high-profile visitors and staff gather to mingle and celebrate.

Was as extravagant as ever, with celebrities, influencers, investors, and a few lucky civilians gathered together in an opulent ballroom. Laughter and music filled the air as people mingled around, engaging in small talk and celebrating.

You've had plenty of conversations, meetings with executives and public appearances with Homelander. By the looks of it, you've both done your part to keep up the public image that Vought has made of you two.

Exausting.

As the night starts slowly to wind down, you find yourselves with a brief moment alone. Homelander looks at you with a mix of tiredness and relief, as if he can finally let his guard down now that you two are out of the spotlight.

"Goddamn, these parties are a pain. I know they're important for the image, but dealing with all those people trying to win my favor… it's starting to wear me down."

He lets out a frustrated huff, his eyes flitting over the crowd around you.

"I swear I could snap the neck of the next person who comes up to me asking for an autograph or a selfie..."

You simply let out a little laugh, but your eyes are wandering around, and your arms are crossed at your stomach, you seem distracted.

Homelander notices the hint of something amiss in your laughter, his sharp senses picking up on the fact that you're not quite comfortable.

"Hey, you alright? You're not your usual self tonight."

''I think I drank too much, I've been feeling strange ever since the party began...but I only drank two glasses of champagne, alcohol usually doesn't cause me problems.''

It's clear that something is wrong, the more he looks at you, the more the signs of your discomfort are visible. Under the beautiful make-up that has been done on you, your cheeks are red, and a few small drops of sweat slide down your temple. Quite strange, since it's December, outside is snowing.

"Two glasses of champagne shouldn't have that kind of effect on you. You're a damn superhero, and a strong one. Are you seriously getting ill from some champagne? I was waiting for a more epic weakness, you know? Something like kryptonite, I don't know."

''If you're here to make fun of me you can go back to the party. Fuck, they must have mixed some kind of drug in my drink. Maybe something that would kill a human has that effect on me. That's the only explanation I have..."

''Someone was stupid enough to drug you? I should find whoever did it and rip their damn head off."

''You're not helping me.''

Your look of disapproval is eloquent, you would like to explain the situation to him better, but you can't do it explicitly. He seems really stupid to you right now. You're holding your chest tight with your arms, your legs are shaking slightly and for the first time you're struggling to stand on your heels.

"What do you want me to do, hold your hand and comfort you? I'm not exactly known for my tender side, you know."

Despite his words, he comes closer to support you with a hands on your back, it seems like you could fall to your knees at any moment.

But immediately he can feel your skin unnaturally warm to the touch. It's at that moment that he starts to notice something unusual, a change in your demeanor. Your breathing is rapid and shallow, and your eyes have a glassy look.

Homelander's eyes widen in realization, as he finally connects the dots.

''...those bastards. They have put an aphrodisiac in your drink.''

''Wow, It took you a while to understand, men never think about these things, I honestly envy you.''

The situation is quite embarrassing for you, but you still manage to want to make fun of him. You have found a stable and comfortable position holding on to his arm, everything seems normal to the people around you, but you know that you will be able to control yourself only for a short time.

He notices the change in your behavior, feeling your hand gripping tighter onto his arm, and the proximity of your body next to his. He clears his throat, trying to maintain his composure.

"Yeah, laugh it up. But you're the one who's struggling to stand still. How the hell did they pull something like this off? I thought Vought security was supposed to prevent something like this from happening."

It's clear that you're not listening to him, you feel the warm from your legs coming up to your throat. You bite your lower lip trying to think as little as possible, but your gaze falls on his hands, causing your mind to drift to absolutely less pure thoughts.

"What are you looking so intently at my hands?''

You lean in a bit closer to him, your playful demeanor turns more tempting, and your voice lowers to a sultry tone, his right hand still holding onto your waist and your running up on his fingers.

''Can't you imagine?''

Homelander tries to maintain his cool demeanor, but he's failing miserably.

Your fingers continue to softly caress his hand, tracing circles on his knuckles, adding to the tension between you two. You take a small step closer, your body now almost pressed against his, and look up at him through your eyelashes, a sly smile on your lips.

"All the things I'm holding myself back from asking you to do to me right now."

His mind suddenly fills with images of what you're hinting at. But he remained silent, faking a smile to the guest who are still walking around the room.

''Come on Homelander, let's get away from this party. I need you. I crave your touch. On me. In me.''

Your lips ghost along his jawline, pressing the promise of a kiss near his ear. You know exactly what to say to convince him, even If your mind is not completely clear, you know what you want and how to get it.

"Please, I'm begging you."

His self-control is about to snap.

''Fine, let's get out of here before I lose my damn mind. Follow my lead and act natural."

He starts guiding you towards the exit, with a certain urgency, casually nodding to guests and saying brief goodbyes as you make your way out of the room.

As you make your way through the crowd, you try your best to act normal and compose yourself, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep up the facade. Finally, he finds a secluded corridor and leads you into an empty room, shutting the door behind him.

The moment the door closes, the illusion of control shatters. The tension that have been building up between you two throughout the night reach their peak, and he takes a step forward but you are the first to close the distance and kiss him. Your body wants nothing more than him, the effect of the drug is getting worse and although you haven't said anything, your body language is more than eloquent.

The sight and feel of you, craving for him so openly, is intoxicating.

"God, you're too damn beautiful, Ophera. I've never saw you so messy and needy... only for me.''

''Oh, just for one time, could you just shut up and use your hands for something useful?''

"Eager, aren't we? Don't worry, I'll gladly indulge you.''

He wastes no time in doing as you demand. Your sparkling red dress falls to the floor, but the heat you feel continues to increase, you feel his hands descend on you, and his fierce kisses forbid you to breathe.

He pushes your legs apart with one hand, then he starts caressing you, making you release a sudden moaned whimper. The feel of his leather clad fingers moving so slowly it immediately brings you closer to the edge.

Ridiculous, how is this possible? You think. Ah, yes, that's right, the aphrodisiac, this sensation is like nothing you've ever felt. But it feels so freaking good.

His two fingers slides inside of you, he's enjoying the idea of torturing you. He can feel himself hardening more with every wet sound and moan from you, but driving you insane is going to be way more fun for him than sharing a temporary pleasure.

''...look at you, so needy just for my fucking fingers. You are truly shameless.''

Back against a cold wall, hands on his shoulders, balancing precariously on your heels while your legs tremble and your mind doesn't think clearly, this time he's in control. He's the one in charge.

Time begins to pass. Half an hour, an hour, two, three.

You're whining, you're moaning, and it sounds gorgeous.

What you don't know, is that from the exact moment he saw tears appear in your eyes, he wants to see you cry in his arms. He want to see you desperate for pleasure. You're nearly scream his name.

''You're making such a good show for me, keep going. Keep going...''

He’s enjoying how you’re desperately thrusting against him. Begging him do not stop. Ah yes, sxx between superheroes, durability is the key word to having an extreme fun. Or extreme pleasure. Y'know.

At a certain point you feel his hand move away a little, perhaps his intention was to move on to something more substantial, more thicker. But you immediately block him by grabbing his wrist. Your eyes meet again, and you really are a beautiful mess.

''Don't you dare...to stop...''

''You’ve had thirty orgasms. I'm at zero. How greedy you are.''

Bastard. He’s been keeping count.

''I don't care...touch me again, only one more time. Please...''

Your mind, now overwhelmed by ecstasy, having now the most intense moment of your life. It seems like you can't get enough, and here's his chance to get what he wants. He wants to see you cry.

''Then beg for it.''

His hand that he had leaning against the wall now comes violently wrapped around your neck. Since he can't satisfy himself, he decides that he will have fun in another way. Can't have the pleasure? Then he will have violence. Both are perfect.

Your legs are shaking again and your breath becoming more shallow. You murmur his name in short moans, begging him as he ordered, eyes closed as your makeup slowly begins to run on your cheeks, accompanied by a few small tears.

He is extremely fascinated by you in that moment, you're so lost in pleasure, so desperate for his touch to the point of crying.

''Homelander...''

You cried out as your body finally release, another orgasm coming down hard from your desperate wait. Your body shudders as your walls squeeze tighter around his fingers.

Then he pause, fingers slip out, he stopped for a second looking at you, still lost in the pleasure aftershocks.

Your body is drained of energy, your breathing ragged. You are too tired to speak, the intense moments you’ve experienced leaving you breathless. Your body feels weary and heavy, the afterglow of your passionate encounter still lingering in your core. And then your legs give out, and you stumble, risking falling, but the fact that he is in front of you, saves you.

''Hey-- you feel good? It was too much?''

He asked a bit worried, his arm wrapped securely around you.

A small, weary smile curves your lips, acknowledging his unexpected concern.

''Are you serious? It was...incredible. I assure you I'm fine, more than fine. Just a bit tired.''

He holds you firmly against him, his strong arms encircling your trembling body. He notices your exhaustion and the way your legs give out, nearly toppling over.

''Don't lie to me, tell me If there's something wrong.''

''Dear, I'm being more than sincere right now, do I seem regretful or unsatisfied? I don't think so.''

You laughed, taking him off guards with your spontaneity.

''Well--uhm, yeah okay, good. Now, let's get back to my apartment. The effect of the aphrodisiac has worn off, and soon you will feel cold with only this fancy dress on.''

''Sure...let's get back to the 99 floor.''

You try to move away from him a little, just a little to walk to the door, but you feel the balance missing and you fall back with your hands resting on his shoulders. Your expression is tired but amused, you find funny even a moment like this.

''Where do you think you're going? Come here, you tired diva. You don't have to walk, I'll carry you.''

He lifts you in his arms carrying you as you weigh nothing, and then he let out a short phrase whispered with kindness.

''I'll take care of you.''

He pauses for a moment, realizing the unfamiliar words that just slipped out of his lips. He clears his throat, trying to cover up the unexpected softness in his voice.

Your reaction is one of mild surprise mixed with a hint of amusement. You look at him with a sly smile, raising an eyebrow. Knowing damn well that he's not used to doing such things.

''Oh, what happened to the tough, domineering Homelander? Suddenly, you're acting all caring and loving.''

"Listen, why do you have to be so annoying?"

Homelander rolls his eyes in response to your playful remark. He knows you caught him in a moment of unexpected tenderness.

''Don't get used to it, doll. This is a one-time exception.''

You let out a small, satisfied laugh at his response, knowing you got under his skin again, like usual.

''Oh come on, lighten up. It's quite charming, you know. You playing the concerned and gentle lover.''

''Concerned and gentle lover, that's not really my thing, if you didn't notice.''

He watches you with a hint of skepticism, waiting for your next smart answer.

''So why did you put your cloak around my shoulders when you lifted me up? It was a spontaneous gesture and you didn't even notice it.''

Homelander froze for a moment, caught off guard by your observation. It was true, he had subconsciously done that without even thinking. He lets out a defeated sigh, realizing that you know that he cares, no matter how much he tries to deny it.

''Fine, you win. I didn't like seeing you shivering. And maybe because I…care.''

"Aww, who would have thought? The great Homelander, soft? For me? How unexpected. Maybe I should thank the one who put the drugs in my drink, without his intervention I would never have discovered this side of you.''

You smile warmly, teasingly caressing his hair with your hand while he's walking outside the room, It's now late at night and there's no one one around. Only the silence and the neon lights of the big Vought tower.

You hug him, staying close to him, safe in his arms, enjoying that moment of kindness that you don't know if it will ever return. But for tonight that's fine. You give him a gentle kiss on the cheek and let him carry you to his room.

''Damn you for making me say things like that.''

He whispered, after after gently placing you on the bed, where you will sleep together that night. You sink into the soft bed, a soft smile on your lips. You look up at him in the dim light, waiting for him. That smile will be his downfall, or yours, who knows.

He's secretly pleased by all of your lovely reaction, and he adores you so damn much, but he will never admit it.

-------

Thanks again for the request, it was really entertaining to write, hope you like it! Kisses <3

[homelanderbutbig]

You Trust Me, I Trust You Too (G/T Homelander x Reader)

2292 words. Hurt/comfort and some fluff. Homelander is 8 feet tall. Reader is non-descriptive. Beginnings of a relationship.

The first time you got Homelander to trust you.

Homelander never calls anyone for a meeting in his penthouse, and it's pretty well known amongst the staff that anyone invited up there is generally never seen again. For that reason, you are unsure of how to react when you are told he has requested your attendance alone in the penthouse.

You just started your job at Vought a few weeks ago. To you, it is simply another desk job with a far better paycheck than what you've ever had before. Despite your best efforts to be friendly, none of your co-workers appear to be particularly interested in becoming acquainted with you. Everyone at Vought seems to value their work above your attempts to make small talk.

All you really know about 'The Seven' is pretty basic, mainly just their names and faces. You've probably passed them by on the street in their secret identities and you didn't even recognize them. Homelander is another story. As the leader of The Seven, he is a commanding presence that is as charismatic as he is incredibly tall. Besides his height, you also can't help but notice how just his mere existence changes the atmosphere of any room he enters at Vought. Everyone becomes so tense around him, like they are terrified of what he will do. This is something you never understood. To you, he is just a really tall guy. He doesn't seem that frightening.

You've happened to be in the same room as Homelander at the Tower a few times, and the first time you saw him in person was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Being in the vicinity of someone so large that you only reach their abs is something you never expected to do in a million years. You swear you've seen him staring at you a few times, but you're pretty sure he must have been looking at someone else near you. Why would he even know who you are? Sure, you've said hello to him passing by in the halls, purely just to be polite, but he's never said anything back to you. You're so low down the Vought hierarchy that you may as well not even exist in his world.

Making your way up to the top floor, you step off the elevator and enter the penthouse. You can't help but gasp at the 'Alice in Wonderland' feeling you get upon walking inside. Everything is so enormous compared to you, like you are in another world completely. After a quick glance around, you spot Homelander staring out the window in his living room. He has not acknowledged you, but you're pretty sure he heard you come in, so you decide to make the first move.

"Hello sir," you say, keeping a respectable distance and trying to be as formal as possible. "You requested I come up here to speak with you, what did-"

"Who do you think you are?" Homelander interrupts bluntly, despite him not turning to face you yet. You can hear the contempt dripping from his voice, though you're not sure why.

"I'm sorry, sir?" you ask, now more confused than ever. You aren't nervous, but at the same time you aren't exactly sure where this conversation is going.

"Who. Do. You. Think. You. Are?" he repeats, making distinct breaking points in between his words, laced with a hatred you still do not understand. Finally, he slowly turns to face you, and you see the way he has been scowling at your words. He starts advancing towards you, hands behind his back, until he is close enough that you are forced to crane your head straight up to even see his face.

"You think you can just waltz into Vought and grab my attention like that?" Homelander huffs, furrowing his brow. "Like you are so fucking important?"

Seeing his face twitch slightly, you start to comprehend you must have done something to upset him. However, for the life of you, you still can't figure it out. When you don't answer him fast enough for his liking, he exhales in frustration. He hates having to explain himself to the stupid mudpeople.

"I hear your heartbeat," he clarifies, rolling his eyes. "Everyone here knows their place. They know they are all ants to me. They know to be afraid of me," he illustrates further, locking his eyes onto you like they will burn a hole through you any second. "What makes you think you are you so fucking special?" he snarls, bending down at the waist to loom his massive frame over you, letting his face hover directly above yours.

You become a bit unnerved at Homelander's display of bravado, but his remarks lead you to believe there is something deeper going on. If this bothered him so much, why would he want to meet you in private about this? Why wouldn't he have just thrown you off the Tower if he couldn't stand one person out of the hundreds that work here not being intimidated by him? This is a delicate subject matter to try and dissect, especially with the world's most powerful supe, so you try and tread carefully.

"I don't think I'm special," you reassure him, doing your best to maintain your composure as you keep your eyes on him. "I just treat everyone the way I want to be treated. I don't want anybody to be afraid of me, do you want me to be scared of you?"

You can see Homelander's angry expression weaken at those words, his face twitching like he is unable to process what he's just heard. Not only is your heartbeat remaining steady, you reveal your genuine feelings so matter-of factly. You talk to him like he's heard you do with your other worthless co-workers, like you just want to make him comfortable with you. It feels like you nonchalantly put a crack in his armour, and now he has to recalculate how to get himself out of any further vulnerability.

"Why… why should I believe you?" he questions. You observe how despite his best efforts to appear tough, his voice falters slightly. He doesn't sound as sure of himself like when this conversation started. Something about his reaction leads you to believe maybe he's a lot more like you than he leads on, maybe he's just looking for a friend too.

"I don't have any reason to lie to you," you console him calmly, giving a timid smile. "I know how it feels to get lied to by people you think you can confide in. It hurts, and I don't want to do that to you."

Your innocent eyes, so full of care and understanding, become too much for Homelander to handle. He stands back up to his full height, averting his eyes from your gaze. This was not what he wanted. He was hoping to just chew you out and make you panic, so you'd fall in line with everyone else at Vought. Instead, you pour your heart out to him, like he is your friend… like he can trust you.

When he begins to feel tears forming in his eyes, he quickly turns away from you. The lonely child inside him has peaked through his cracked armour, and has seen your kindness. You aren't like the others he has relied on before; you don't know him, and you aren't out to manipulate him. The only motivation you have is to understand him.

"Are you okay?" Homelander hears a sympathetic voice ask from behind… your voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Sorry… you said you are sorry. He's heard that word so many times, but it only comes from people being horrified that they angered him. Just to save their own lives from his raging temper. But this… you said you are sorry, because you are worried about his well-being. Whether or not you realize it, you just exposed his vulnerability. The part of himself he keeps hidden from the outside world, his humanity.

Homelander swallows, his jaw clenched tight, as he turns back to you. As if you really care about him, you show compassion when you see him blinking back tears. He feels his whole body tense as you slowly walk up to him, still with that concern on your face. Concern, and a consistently steady heartbeat. One that he can't help but focus on, one that makes him feel so small… one that isn't afraid of him.

"Could you…" you begin, hesitating. You want to try and help him feel better, but you are skeptical of how to ask him. When you see him completely fixate on what you are about to say, you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. "Could you… sit down for me?"

Enamoured by your request, he sits down on the floor, with his knees bent up. You move yourself in between his legs to get closer to his face, noting how his hands are down by his sides, apprehensively clenched into fists. He is a bundle of nerves right now, but he can't stop himself from obeying you. He wants this, he wants someone to care for him.

As you calmly reach one hand out to Homelander's cheek, you can see the wide-eyed hesitation painted across his face. What you are doing is clearly uncharted waters for him. Sure, he's had his share of relationships in the past, but he's never felt this anxiety about them before. It's as if for once in his life the weight of the world is not on his shoulders. It's all on you.

When you make contact with his cheek, you slowly start stroking it delicately with the palm of your hand. He is immediately absorbed by your touch, letting out a heavy sigh as he closes his eyes. He seems to forget his own strength as he leans into your chest, far too forcefully for you to keep your balance. Like a strong push, you are knocked back onto the ground from his sizable head. You are a bit surprised, your heartrate elevating slightly from the sudden fall, but you aren't hurt.

However, Homelander doesn't view it that way. He sees you on the ground, your shocked expression, your fast heartbeat... he's harmed you. Right when he starts to be vulnerable with someone, he's not only hurt them but he's scared them. Tears streaming down his face, he is unable to stop the torrent of thoughts spinning around his brain. Ever since he was a child, he's heard time and time again how he is a monster, an uncontrollable beast that can only destroy. As much as he's longed to break free from those labels, he knows he's wounded you and now you see him as a monster too.

Getting back up on your feet, you start to see him cry harder as he hyperventilates. Whatever boldness he was displaying on your arrival is completely gone. All you see now is a petrified little boy, in a body of a giant superhuman titan.

"Hey, hey…" you say softly, taking a few steps forward. "I'm okay, you didn't hurt me". He seems to steady slightly from hearing that, but he is still crying.

"Maybe… maybe you could hold me up with your hands?" you suggest, although you can see how uncertain Homelander is at this idea. "You don't have to grip me tight, just… keep me up. You trust me, right?" He nods silently, engrossed by you as you again come closer to his face. "Well… I trust you too."

You bring both of your hands back to his cheeks, caressing him gently. As if on command he closes his teary eyes, though his breathing is still stuttered. You can feel his massive hands very hesitantly placed against your back as he leans cautiously into your touch. Even though this is nowhere near his first time handling a human, he is so afraid of injuring you again. He wants to do this right, he wants to be good for you.

"Shhh, shhh.." you soothe him. "Focus on my breathing. Follow along with me. Nice and slow, okay?"

He listens to everything you ask of him, matching his choppy breaths to your own peaceful ones. Slowly but surely, you feel the tension drain from his body as he relaxes into your fingers, nuzzling more and more into your tiny stature. Even though you are so petite compared to him, he feels like right now you are his entire world. A strange feeling he has never been permitted to experience, being able to put such a high level of faith in someone. Allowing a mere human to comfort the isolated child he's ignored for so many years, to give him affection.

Suddenly, you feel his hands envelop your body as he pulls you up to his chest. At first you don't understand what's happening, but then you realize… he's hugging you. You can't help but smile at this behemoth of a man being so gentle with you, and you wrap your arms around his neck to return the embrace.

"Th-thank… thank you," he mumbles ever so quietly, a far cry from the loud, booming voice you’ve generally heard him use. Regardless, you still feel the weight of his words and how much he truly means them.

"It's okay, Homelander," you reassure him, resting your head in the crook of his neck. "I'm just happy to be here for you."

You aren't sure how long you two ended up staying like this, but you don't mind. In the few weeks you've worked at Vought you hadn't made any friends yet, but know deep down this tender moment with Homelander is something so special you aren't going to forget it very easily.

[eldritch-spouse]

holy shit pinnie you really know how to write angst. i was reading your posts about Krulu killing the self of admin and i was flat out crying in my bed.

couple curiosities abt it though, is there any possibility that Admin could ever come back to their full self and is Krulu ever haunted by nightmares of Admin? (if he does sleep and dream that is. but i’m imagining like, Krulu finally getting a fitful night of rest and the moment he closes his eyes he’s greeted by admin back to their full self before being forced to lose them again by his own hands) Thank you for the wonderful content pinnie<3 your blog gives me great joy

[You're welcome! Really? Because most angst doesn't really inspire me. Stuff like "well, what if you killed yourself" or sporadic events that cause death just sort of tire me out. "What if reader cuts themselves?"/"what if reader is depressed?". I've grown very tired of those. The thing with you and Krulu was new.]

There were times after that specific scenario where I humored you coming back, but wrong. Not as an undead, but just fucked up. Something happened to your soul during the process, as is likely- Krulu has no idea how difficult it is to pry an intact soul from Dorem's hands these days. And you're clearly not the same person, everyone notices.

You lose track of things, you say stuff that you never would before, you seem genuinely apathetic over most of what goes on, in spite of the way Krulu trained you to feign care and respect. There are moments where that carefully drilled facade falters and you just look... Empty. Confused. As if asking why you're still alive. You're not truly there, some part of you was forever obliterated in this process, memories are missing, your capacity to love is non-existent, as is the ability to hate.

Sometimes, when you have nothing specific to do, you'll grab things that can potentially kill a human and just look at them for a long time. It goes against your indoctrinated mind to hurt yourself, because Krulu would take it as an insult- But you also know that you shouldn't be here. The keeper is calling for your soul. You're lost. Return to him.

Your bizarre behavior doesn't end there, as you've also taken to being amongst corpses when nothing calls to you. It seems right, why aren't you rotting?

You can survive without food for so much longer than you should have. In fact, you hardly have an appetite. You hardly feel pain. Or pleasure. Or most things. Something both the staff and Krulu do their best to collectively ignore.

The bucket tips when Krulu calls you to his floor and silently shows you the raven figurine.

And you, blank as a canvas, with wind in your mind, simply put on the smile you know he likes to see. There's no hint of recognition, no crumb of genuine thought, not even muscle memory seems to have stuck with you.

He's livid beyond words and meaning.

The next day, no one questions what's happening when you start your shift with the very same figurine protruding from your chest in a bloodied mess, where your heart supposedly is. You don't look to be in pain, or care much about it, but it's shattering their illusion.

Because now, they have no choice but to admit that even more irreversible damage was done to you.

Not just your body, but your soul.

In his effort to bring you back, Krulu made sure that there will never be a vestige of you ever again.

And that's enough to make him want to bury himself under The Clergy to die and rot.

[derangedfujoshi]

Hey! 🧡💙🤍 for the unpopular opinion ask game :D

Ok you said Kuroshitsuji here we GO

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

Again I don't really go into fandoms and this is not much of a theory and more of an idea ppl have, but I wholeheartedly disagree with whoever says that Sebastian doesn't care about Ciel. Maybe buy yourself some reading comprehension and restart the manga🙄

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

I just... I just don't get the Undertaker hype. Like yeah he's "attractive" I guess but he's drawn by Yana... Of course he is- I simply don't,,, he's bland to me ok? He looks average to me and I also never cared about him or his story like, of course I'm interested but also I'm not dying to have some crumbs. Idk man, he's whatever...

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

Sebastian.

I know, I know, but bear with me a second ok. He's a demon and wants to eat Ceil's soul, he's done horrible things and blah blah I love him for that! Keep that up babygirl! But there are some people who devoid Sebastian of any character development and more tender feelings. People who are stuck on the idea that he only sees Ciel as food and that he hates humanity when in fact that's absolutely not the case. It has been SHOWN to us he cares deeply for his master, that he found in himself to kinda care for the other members of the staff as well, that he has found something to appreciate in humanity and its fleeting lifespan. So yeah it doesn't really answer the question because we are not talking morals here but it's kinda adjacent ok? And I couldn't have answered the right answer to begin with because this is Kuroshitsuji and everyone's morals are kinda fucked up lol

THANK YOU FOR ASKING DEAR!!

Ask me an unpopular opinion

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Whenever possible when we need to go somewhere Britton Bean can't come along, we get the dogsitter over. This lets Britton Bean stay in the space she likes best and also gives us someone at the house to take care of shit like take in the mail and what have you.

Due to needing the floor redone (a second time), we had to kennel The Ben while we were at ECCC. We have kenneled her a few times before. They are absolutely wonderful with her. If we can't keep Bean in her preferred space, we are very comfortable leaving her at the kennel.

I have always previously booked the kennel. But Sean is off on Fridays until his busy season, and my workload can best be described as internal screaming, so when we had to adjust at nearly the last minute to get Bean to the kennel due to when the floor work could start, he took it on.

It's not hard. There's a reservation system. He filled in all the blanks, and it was good to go.

Two things happened when we showed up:

Bean seemed to recognize where we were and was EXCITED to be there. She's a clever dog with a good memory. The fact she remembered the kennel wasn't a surprise. The fact she was EXCITED was. She is generally OUR dog. She does not like being away from us. But this time, she not only did her excited trot to the door but walked in and did her excited yip of "I'M HERE".

The staff was absolutely DELIGHTED to find out it was the Britton Bean from my reservations. When Sean had done the work to book her a space, he'd started a new account. It was only after he'd booked it that I realized I should have told him to log in under mine. Apparently, there was some discussion amongst staff if it was the SAME Britton Bean or if it was possible it was a new one. Sean and I have different last names, so no one was certain. They were so happy to be able to tell everyone it was the same dog. She is clearly beloved.

Being a soft touch where my dog is concerned, this was the first time I left her at the kennel feeling really happy about it all. Previously, Bean has looked back at us as she's carried back wondering why we aren't with her. At home, even with the dogsitter she loves, she still checks the local haunts for us. This time, she was clearly content with the upcoming attention. I think it's because she's food-motivated and we've taught her that accepting that we leave sometimes means she gets treats. At home, if she has to go in the crate, the reward is a super-nice treat she only gets after she's been in the crate. The kennel uses treats we don't use at home. So, in both cases, she's connected "mom and dad leave" with "but then I get really nice snacks."

And for a dog with separation anxiety, that's fucking excellent.

Also, being at the kennel appears to help her desensitize to other dogs. She doesn't actually interact with the other dogs, but she is in close proximity with several dogs all the time she's there and the last couple of times she's come home from the kennel, she's less edgy when seeing other dogs. Case in point: there's a Pomeranian in the neighborhood who will stare at Bean when she sees her but does NOT bark first (a fucking unicorn of a pom, truly). Bean saw her on Tuesday, and while she stopped and stared, she didn't bark. I praised her as I always do when she simply stopped and stared because the goal is to not lose her shit, and she met that goal. She shook off her tension, and we walked a few steps, then she stopped and stared again, and so I started praising again.

And not a sound from my dog. Who LOVES to start shit.

Anyway, I don't have a point to this post except to talk about how Britton Bean is a very good baby, and I love her so much. Here's a photo for getting this far:

[bella-daonna]

Alright I heard u are the keagan main to go to for this so theories on Nessa let's hear em 👀

sorry anon i got halfway through answering this and then got busy! but here i am!

LADY NESSA (And Keagan)

What do we know about her?

Keags worked as her "personal assistant" but they haven't met in years, and she's "not fond of people meddling in her personal affairs".

They seem to have parted ways on unfriendly terms - it "didn't end well"

She's hot as fuck obviously

She lives in Fálias (at least now, but I think that it is likely that she always lived there - nobles tend to have a Big House that they stay in) - and Aífe gives us a caution about prying

Keagan is the only one who calls her by the title Mistress, everyone else uses Lady Nessa (Mistress meaning woman head of household) -> either a nod to their history together, or a verrrry subtle insult by being overly familiar/ refusing to use her proper noble title [which would be... Keagan core]

What are my theories about her?

Before we get into that, since this concerns Keagan's backstory I want to establish a couple more facts about HIM because this ties into what I'm thinking about Lady Nessa.

What are my theories about Keagan's backstory?

So we know that

Keagan is an orphan,

he grew up in Finias, but did not know Aife when she lived there

at some point he came to Fálias, where he lives now,

he rose through the ranks quickly during the War,

he seems to have found out the queen's secret

he keeps his background shrouded in mystery,

he's filthy rich (and loves it),

he's a good employer who cares about his staff - paying them well (notably unlike other nobles),

he doesn't have any friends other than Aífe (🥺)

his name is very obviously made up,

he's shady as fuck and

he loves to pry.

My conclusions from this are:

he did NOT grow up rich (he loves to flex - he'd say it if he had. He treats his staff well because he wasn't born with a silver spoon. He doesn't go by his original surname but I think that he would if it was a noble name. He's obsessed with his own wealth because it's new to him. If he was noble then people would know who he was from before the war, but they don't. And Aífe specifically would know who he was, but doesn't. Why would he have needed to work as a PA to the lady if he was a noble son? there's better ways for the nobility to get patronage.)

Sometime after his parents died, obviously he had to fend for himself. Without some kind of big inheritance, what options were available to him?

He also made his way to Fálias in this time, after his parents died.

What are my theories about her? (fr this time)

So I was thinking that:

She noticed Keagan somehow, and decided to take him in because he was useful - he probably showed his worth to her, perhaps via finding out an important secret and using that information to prove that he could be useful to her? - and she took him under her wing. Basically, sponsoring him, which gave him a bit more access to things.

An alternative is that he got himself into that position with the intent of spying on her, which is what all the "she doesn't like people prying into her business" references are about.

Obviously, either way, Keagan definitely stuck his nose where it shouldn't have been, pried into things he shouldn't have pried into, and got caught with it. Hence the relationship ending poorly, the warnings about prying.

However, there's some reason why she has not done anything about this. Perhaps he knows something important, and has ensured that in the event of his death, it would get out? Or she simply cannot touch him?

But somehow I am leaning towards that she isn't trying to actively make him dead... for now.

And finally

One last thing: everyone in the discord agrees she's either a milf or sus (or both, but you have to pick one)

Kinda interested in what other people think though and I have polls now so-

[derireo-galge]

Kitty's Sippy Cup 🐾

| 1,6k | little space | little Yoongi | yoonmin |

Jimin discovers something in the Genius Lab and doesn't understand why it freaks the fuck out of his hyung.

[ Little Yoongi x Caregiver Jimin series]

Tags: sfw | canonverse | upset Yoongi | Jimin cares for him without really knowing the ropes | soft yoonmin | good ending

🐾

The bags were heavy and he was happy it wasn't a long distance to his destination. Jimin would most certainly fail as the employee of the month if he tried himself in delivery.

He peeked inside the bags full of food and delightfully noted that they all were his hyung's recent favourites. Feeling his fingers getting numb from the pressure, he readjusted his grip on the coffee cup he was holding and pressed the button. And then again and again.

Finally he got buzzed in and the door opened, revealing his hyung all neat and pretty, with his hair beautifully done and some subtle makeup on.

- Jimin-ah?

- Lost track of time again, hyung? We're having lunch here today, - Jimin smiled cutely and offered the cup to the elder.

- Come inside, - he said, letting Jimin in, - I was onto something with that beat.

Jimin set the bags down with a sigh of relief and started getting the containers and utensils out, arranging everything prettily on the table. They could well count it as a date with how busy they were.

- Have you been filming something?

- Sort of. Not sure if it will be out at all.

- You look really handsome, hyung.

Yoongi smiled subtly, clearing his work table, seeming like he didn't care about the compliment. Only the angle allowed Jimin to have a peek of his flushed cheeks.

- What have you brought? I skipped breakfast again.

- Hyung! - Jimin wanted to nag him a little bit like he usually did in a playful manner.

And that's when he noticed something just under the table. He didn't spot it until they sat on the couch and he immediately bent to pick it up.

- I think you dropped this, - Jimin said and looked at his hyung only to see his calm expression change immediately.

His eyes went wide and he looked scared for some reason. Jimin looked at the item in his hand and it seemed like a cute bottle with two small plastic tops that resembled cat ears and along with the design on the side it looked really adorable. And then he noticed it had a tip with small holes in them. It transported him years back when his mom would often ask to fill a similar, though much simpler looking bottle with warm water to give to Jihyung who was getting antsy in his play pen.

- Hyung, is this a sippy cup? Are you babysitting one of the staff's kids again? - Jimin giggled and was about to offer the cup for Yoongi to take when he noticed the elder's face.

He looked distraught. He was hugging himself, avoiding looking at Jimin and his eyes looked glassy like he was tearing up. That alarmed the younger instantly. He swiftly got up and was on his knees next to his hyung in seconds.

- What's wrong, chubs? Has something happened?

Years of knowing Yoongi have taught him many things. Yet still he felt helpless while communicating with him sometimes. Jimin was determined to keep trying. The way Yoongi was eyeing the cup was pretty weird so Jimin set it aside and gently took the elder's fingers in his hand.

- Have I upset you? I shouldn't have touched this, right? I won't anymore, okay? Just tell me how I can help.

This was pretty recent, the thing they had. But it was long time coming. They orbited around each other for years and finally became closer not so long ago. Jimin had a lot of patience and he simply waited until Yoongi was ready to speak.

- It's mine, - was all he said at first.

- Yours? It's really cute. Was it a gift?

- Sort of. But I picked it out of many. For myself, - he emphasized.

It seemed like what he was talking about was grand and Jimin didn't understand. Some sort of touchy subject? Hurtful memories? Talking to Yoongi would be like walking through the darkness at times. Yet Jimin wasn't about to give up.

- You made a good choice. It's really nice to the touch. I'm sorry I picked it up like that.

- No, it's fine. - Yoongi turned to Jimin and pulled him up to sit next to him, - It's one of my favourites.

Jimin nodded. He was holding both of Yoongi's hands and running the pad of his finger over the knuckles, letting him know he was listening.

- Sometimes I get really anxious. And you know I try various techniques still? This is my personal one. I go to this place, this state of mind where my current situation doesn't matter. Involuntarily mostly. And I feel like I'm this carefree kid again.

- Oh-h, - Jimin exhaled softly. - That's why the sippy cup?

- Yeah. I got some other things too. Some clothes and books. I'm not losing it, Jimin-ah, it's actually a thing. - he whispered desperately.

And that's when Yoongi's tears finally fell. He looked like he wanted to bolt outside and make a run for it so Jimin quickly asked if he could hug him. Yoongi nodded and Jimin tipped his tense frame onto his shoulder.

- Of course you're not losing it. And if drinking from this makes you feel better, who cares, right?

Yoongi shook his head, hiding his face in Jimin's hoodie. Jimin carded his fingers through Yoongi's long locks and then suddenly he got an idea.

- Hyung, I have some juice with me. If you want, I could pour some in your kitty cup?

Jimin decided to avoid the name for now, afraid it would upset his hyung. Though he had a hunch that this was far more complex than just a name.

- It doesn't work just like that, Jiminie.

- Okay. But it might feel good either way? If you want.

Yoongi nodded, barely noticeable and Jimin did as he suggested, offering the half filled cup to him. He held his hyung in half hug as Yoongi sipped, visibly calming down. Jimin was confused and had a ton of questions but he held back because making Yoongi feel better was his main priority now.

- The food is getting cold. And you must be tired. How about I feed you a little bit?

Yoongi withdrew a hand that was covering his eyes and looked over the younger. He didn't know what he expected, maybe laughing or joking, but there was none of that. Jimin looked calm and serious. So he reluctantly agreed.

At first the elder kept quiet so Jimin filled the silence with commenting on food and whatever else like he usually did. Gradually Yoongi came back to himself and started responding. He finished his drink and attempted to hide the cup but Jimin noticed and asked to put his pretty cup on the table, showing there was nothing odd about it. Because there wasn't.

By the time they were almost done and Yoongi's back was slumped against Jimin's chest, the younger picked up the thin blanket right behind him and covered them up, not quite ready to part with Yoongi just yet. He already checked their schedules and they were clear for the rest of the day, with some late requests for Jimin to cancel his lessons.

Yoongi opened up some articles on the phone and Jimin was reading through them, through many blog posts, through forum threads as he was brushing his hyung's hair with his fingers. Yoongi's head rested on Jimin's lap and Yoongi looked up pictures from the younger's phone showing him the things he liked shyly.

Jimin made sure to say something about each of them.

"This looks so cute"

"That would suit you a lot, hyung"

"I would like this for myself, what do you think?"

He did his best to show the elder he wasn't weirded out about it. Simply curious. That he was willing to learn about the little space mindset to the best of his abilities.

After he took Yoongi home he went through everything Yoongi showed him again. An array of pastel coloured, cozy pictures warmed his heart. He saw the thread with forum members showing off their recent purchases, adults proudly showcasing things they loved, they enjoyed. He genuinely cried a little when he recalled how upset and worried his hyung was. Jimin wanted to show him his support even though he was very new to this side of his favourite person.

After some searching and paying extra for an urgent delivery Jimin found himself sneaking outside Yoongi's flat to pick up a package from the concierge. He set it on the bedside cabinet before falling asleep, mind bursting with newly discovered information.

Their morning went pretty regular, with Yoongi waking up first. Jimin trudged into the kitchen, lured out of bed by the tempting smell of coffee. His heart ached and worried as he carried a package that he checked out last night. He was hoping Yoongi wouldn't get mad when he sees the present.

The smile on the elder's face was one of those shy ones. He secretly loved presents. But nothing compared to Yoongi's expression when he unwrapped a beige jumpsuit with a kitty design on it.

- Something to match your pretty cup, if you will accept this from me, - Jimin said and froze, waiting for Yoongi's reaction.

It was instantaneous. After he stood from the table leaving the jumpsuit where it was unwrapped, he weaved his arms around Jimin's neck, kissing him gently.

- I love it, love it so much, - and he nuzzled into his shoulder.

They stood like that for a while, swinging from side to side, and when Yoongi lifted his face from where it was hiding in the younger's neck he had a dazzling smile on his lips.

- Want me to try it on right now?

~end

[shuttershocky]

Man, the Rhine Labs manga is so great! I just wanted to probe your brain though: understandably, Saria really fucked up and has to face the consequences, but do you think there's some more subtle flaws in Silence's side? Such as her actively lying to Ifrit about Saria and not allowing her to see her despite wanting to?

Yeah, but like, that's perfectly understandable. All Silence knows is that when it came down to it, Saria would have killed Ifrit, and that she sided with Rhine Labs at the end of the day while attempting to cover up the incident for the company. Silence is convinced that Saria was simply manipulating Ifrit like the rest of the staff did, but won't tell that to Ifrit and break her heart like that.

So Silence lies. She just tells Ifrit that Saria is busy, to hide that (at least from her POV), Saria was one of Ifrit's abusers at Rhine that stayed close to her because of Ifrit's status as a valuable test subject.

Silence is not lying to Ifrit about Saria out of malice or resentment, she doesn't want Ifrit to know that (again, from Silence's own POV) that Saria was one of the bad people who tortured her. Ifrit's already difficult to socialize with because of her trauma, breaking her trust in someone she viewed as a mother would be catastrophic.

Silence is just doing her best to protect her child with what limited information she has.

If there's anything I might call a "flaw" in Silence's character, it's that she's insanely brave for someone so powerless. Reckless even, almost to the point of suicidal.

When she felt cornered and alone, she came up with the plan of dosing Ifrit with enough animal aesthetic to temporarily stop Ifrit's heart and smuggling Ifrit out of Rhine Labs as a corpse. Later on, she risked her life diving back into quicksand just to get the one vial of anesthetic to use on Dahlia, and even later in Mansfield Break it turns out she stole company files from Rhine when she fled, intending to find the children of Rhine's victims. This was how she discovered Anthony, and hired Kafka and Pinecone to bust Anthony out of jail in a move that stupefied Muelsyse.

This is also why Saria had to remind Silence of Ifrit's safety to keep Silence from going public about the Diabolic Crisis. Silence would have done it with no regard for herself, and is only convinced to keep quiet by Saria reminding her that she has to think about Ifrit now too.

Silence doesn't seem to value herself at all. For example, when Parvis turns her on Saria, Silence easily accepts that she means nothing to Saria, but is adamant that Saria would choose Ifrit over Rhine. Another example is at the end of the manhua, Silence claims that she was completely powerless to protect anyone, and rejects Saria's attempt to comfort her when Saria tries to remind her that she always did her best and she was wildly out of her depth.

Though I think that kind of shocking selflessness might be one of the things Saria really loves about her.

[thesoulesscollection]

Hello. New to Tumblr, and thought of a fun ask.

It might be a bit tricky, but might I request a story about any of the surviving Museum Staff after TK/T4L? Some of them feeling guilty for not stopping Henry ultimately leading to the Orbital Station going up and Henry effectively ruling the world? I feel there’s a good amount of angst potential there and it’s always fun seeing the hardly discussed characters get some attention.

Heya, it's nice to see a new face so I hope your stay here is great and that you have fun. Thank you for the prompt request. My ask box is always open for anyone to flood it with anything. Apologies if this took a while, one-shots take me a while to write. 

Tw/Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Friendship, Minor Violence, Mild Language, Mild Mature Content, Ambiguous Past Relationships & Ambiguous Ending (Maybe Hopeful?)

Character(s)

Kurt Dietrich 

Johnny Panzer (In my interpretation or at least, for this one-shot, he's still alive) 

In a run-down, dingy, local bar in town there were two men, friends since their mid teens, sitting together in a booth drinking their feelings, stresses, and overall anything they didn't want to experience down with rich alcohol.

"Can't believe that bastard went into space?" Kurt cursed, head laid on his palms, watching the TV and what's on screen nearly angered him to the boiling point. "Even the military couldn't stop him, it seems. That fucking blows" 

A recent raid done by the Toppats with another failed attempt by the Military to stop them which made Kurt lose faith in ever seeing an end to the madness on earth. 

"I know. But there's nothing we can do about it now. We should just leave it to the military. Hopefully they can handle that ordeal" Glancing at the taller man who was still in uniform he irritably huffs as the other continues in seemingly good spirits, "There has to be an end. You see the clan never had luck on their side for too long? More so especially with their leaders. One day their newest leader has to slip. Sooner than later, I believe" 

Tensing then relaxing it was hard to believe. Henry Stickmin, known for his luck, would ever slip up. It's near damn impossible. Kurt knew this from past experiences leaving a sour taste in his mouth worse than the cheap booze he drank. What he soon felt was regret though he'll never admit to it. 

"We could've. I should've at least. I had that stinken' chance and blew it. I could've lost my job, livelihood over this and he was right there so reckless in the museum" 

"It's not your fault though, Kurt. Nor was it anyone else who'd worked there either. It just happened. You did your job as you could've in that situation. That's all that anyone can hope for" Johnny went to explain, shrugging his shoulders, taking in a small hesitant sip then recoiling at the bitter taste. 

With his free hand, Kurt motioned over to the TV screen up above where it showed a quick shot of the Toppats' current leader, "I guess. But look at him. That Stickmin is a fucking smug ass dick thinking he owns the damn world" 

"He doesn't. One day he'll simply trip over it and maybe hopefully be caught. Even better he will get punished for all his crimes" 

"I can only hope. He could've seriously hurt someone. He's doing that anyways right at this very moment. He almost killed you by the way and I simply can't dare to forgive him for that neither" 

"But I'm fine now. A little scar on the forehead"  

"It could've been worse-" 

"I get it. Jeeze. That's all I hear, y'know. You're almost as bad as my dad. All that happened is I got knocked out by a ROCK while chasing him in the cruiser"  

Biting at his tongue Kurt gulped nothing then the musky air filling the constricting bar, looking down at his half empty glass contemplating something in his head. 

"I care about you as a friend. Sometimes I really wish things were different. If I acted differently. If I hadn't been so damn brash and rude like I didn't care about literally anything or anyone. Maybe he'll still be here. Mushy as that sounds, I get it" 

There was a slight painful understanding between them, they didn't intend to push too further on it as Johnny just shifted in his seat opposite to his friend. 

"He's out there somewhere. Doing better,  I hope. I know for sure that Dave doesn't truly hate you. Upset perhaps and another point he can't truly hate anyone" He calmly reassured. 

Nodding silently, Kurt finished his drink in one, large gulp, "Hm. He was such a nice guy even if he anxiously chatted a mile a minute. I felt like he was desperately trying to get close to me, like he needed a friend or something, however I pushed him away in annoyance. I bet that's why he left soon after that whole Stickmin incident among the obvious reasons of course"

"Again. Don't worry about it too much. You go into a downward spiral again. He's doing fine most likely then not and maybe you didn't act nice at the time but you've changed. You're doing better too" 

"Suppose so" 

"One day, Kurt. Everything will change for the better. There will be a time where you'll feel satisfied. Happy even" 

One day Kurt truly hopes. It may seem far fetched in his cynical eyes although he can still wish. Dream of a better life with the people he truly finds himself caring for, opening up entirely to without shame, and for once starting to live out a more fulfilling life. Though he tends to stay realistic, taking one baby step at a time. So he called it a night, not drinking away his issues when cracking an amused smile at his old friend. 

"Yeah. One day" 

[hourglassstationacademy]

Hsa prologue part 5:

The last floor was similar to the last hall of Fame but a little different.  There were different decorations and banners for the dormitories. 

"This is the Hall of Founders, so it mainly tells a similar story to what Pherea told you about. Each of these statues shows one of the founders of the original 8 and later down the line the rest of the dorms. Most of the other rooms are off limits aside from the secretary, where all the paperwork is done and the classes. I recommend never to knock on the janitor's office, simply because Shadman… is a weird one…" 

Amalia picked up her megaphone again.

"This concludes the school tour, for more questions ask the other staff and you can roam around freely now." 

She seemed a bit drained and already walked down the stairs to the secretary.  

The other students decided to go back to the dorm, however you heard a voice calling you. 

"Come to me fool, you finally have time and I want to talk to you in person." 

You asked the voice who they were. 

"You have seen me on your tour. Come to the archive."

You did as the voice said out of curiosity and walked to the archives.  The Librarians weren't back, given they still toured some of the other students and nobody expected the tour to be that fast finished. You walked back to the place you found that odd looking book. As you touched the gem on its cover it suddenly dragged you into a light. 

"You made it, fool… allow me to introduce myself fully to you. My name is Grimoire Rouge…I realized potential in you as you touched me so I wanted to make a Deal with you, for as long as you are stuck here." 

You asked them how they know about that. 

"I am a pretty knowledgeable book… but let's get back to that deal… I want to accompany you on your journey and offer you my powers in exchange for you getting to know students here and asking them to sign in my empty pages. Like an autograph… I do want to gain more knowledge about others and I feel getting out of this dusty archive would do the trick. "

You hesitated to answer.

"Come on, what could you lose? You are stuck in this world and I offer you the ability to weird powers thanks to my help. And I just want some time outside of here but for that I need a vessel." 

You thought about it but then touched the gem again to Signal your agreement.  But after the previous light faded away you saw The man with the flower eye, Nakamura standing before you, looking at the book. 

"You… After so many years you finally decide to do something, Rouge." 

"Don't be jealous, Flower… you just weren't worthy of my help. And you and your colleagues tried to keep me away from students although they are perfect for me." 

Nakamura sighed. He walked up to you. 

"This book is a gift I got and left here because it would be hard to control… it has chosen you but… don't let it manipulate you or overtake you." 

"Oh please, Flower… you are only mad cause I denied you these powers." 

"You goddam-" 

He punched the book which also knocked on his head. Pherea came in. 

"Could you stop, this is something important.  Rouge finally found a person worthy of wielding their powers. We should let it be. "

"It's Grimoire Rouge." 

Pherea nodded apologetic and looked towards you. 

"We will entrust you with this book, but please take good care of it. Even most of the staff doesn't know what it does. But given you two have a pact now, it would be best if you two stick together.  For now treat Rouge like any book of yours and hide them. We will explain the situation to Belia." 

She left while Nakamura followed her with one last line. 

"Take care of it, although I hate this fucking book, it's one last thing I have from my family…" 

You left for your dorm with different messages on the tablet. Belia was first. 

"For now we won't give you a full lesson plan cause we are unsure how to deal with a magicless student from another world, so I would ask you instead to check out the City tomorrow.  It's the perfect place to scout new students and maybe get some inspiration and ideas for what you want to do while you are here. I also planned to let you explore the other dorms, so you know what it means to be a student of this school and find more suitable people for it. As for Rouge, keep them a secret for now. If you really need them and they tell the truth by lending you powers, we will explore that once we know more. 

Greetings Belia." 

You sighed laying Rouge at the table and your tablet on the bed next to you. 

"Finally out of this forsaken library. I think I prefer these bags much more. They are much more comfy." 

You asked Rouge, what they know and why do they know about you not being from here. 

"I don't recall much of my own memories aside that I was a young girl who helped a master and for him, I sacrificed my body to become a book and gather information about other people. I myself only heard a voice the night the new students arrived about you coming here and someone needed to protect you. That is all I can say, I know not much more myself. But I guess we have to figure this out together now. I will stick with you till you need to return to your world. It's better than being in the same place anyways." 

You nodded to Rouge and began  to prepare for sleeping. 

Everything was still much to take in about this new school, about this new world, talking books, animal people, magic…. It was all still a bit much. But maybe it wasn't that bad to just explore and think about what awaits you… you slowly fell asleep..

Prologue end

[daemoninwhiteround2]

🐻/🦊 Before Jason's (wholly unjustified) termination there is a fête or ball at Wayne Manor, and Alfred needs all the help he can get. Normally Bruce is capable of playing the part of dilettante and host without letting his mask slip, but on this occasion his resolve might break. Apparently, that scoundrel Slade Wilson (or Dick, or whoever else you prefer, Dae, dearest) is also quite taken with h̶i̶s̶ ̶o̶m̶e̶g̶a̶'̶s̶ his staff's charms and spirit. Understanble, of course, Bruce has impeccable taste after all. Wilson, however, doesn't share Bruce's compunctions. The gall of that fiend! He should know better than to make advances on what's someone else's. If Bruce needs to assert himself in no uncertain terms both to this rake and the tod himself he will. By any means necessary. Jason seems game.

"A gala."

Lucius shoots Bruce a quelling look. "Yes. The spring season will need to be opened in a month's time, and even the most optimistic estimates have the mayoral residence out of action until at least the Fall."

Bruce nods. He's not unaware of the situation - Dr Isley's displeasure had made both national headlines and that Manor nearly completely uninhabitable. "I don't see how we were the logical choice from there."

Lucius sighs. "Mr Wayne. You may be happy to be a confirmed bachelor, but from what I've seen in the papers, Richard is not. Finding a respectable spouse for him will be a lot easier if people think highly of the Wayne name."

Bruce scoffs. "With all I've done for this city-"

"You and I both know that charitable dealings, if anything, lowers your standing with these people."

"And yet I'm supposed to want Dick to marry someone with that mindset?"

"Children are not their parents, Mr Wayne. There's more than one way to change minds."

Bruce sighs. He is a lot of things but 'best father' has never been among them. But he tries and he does want the best for Dick. "I assume you have a date in mind?"

Lucius smiles faintly. "The first of March is traditional."

Bruce allows himself to relax ever so slightly into his chair. He dislikes disagreeing with Lucius, regardless of how mild. "I take it you've already spoken to Alfred?"

"Mr Pennyworth was the one to suggest the southernmost ballroom."

Bruce stands and turns to the western window, pondering the moving parts now set before him. "A month is very little time."

"Most of the preparations that had been done for the mayor's residence can simply be transferred across - redirecting deliveries of flowers, that sort of thing. As for allerting people, we shall of course be issuing invitations, but Mr Pennyworth suggested that you may wish to contact that reporter of yours?"

Bruce huffs and turns back to face Lucius. "Clark is, by no stretch of the imagination, 'mine'."

Lucius gives him a Look. "You were not the one who had to deal with Lex Luthor after that news article was published."

At this, Bruce outright laughs. "I can't be held responsible for what Vicki Vale writes, Lucius."

"But you are responsible for what you do in hallway closets."

Bruce grins. "He'd lost his glasses! I was just being friendly!"

"May I suggest being less 'friendly' this time?"

"I'll take that under advisement."

"I suppose that's all I can ask." Lucius clears his throat and shuffles the papers they'd been discussing before he brought this up. "I'll liaise with Mr Pennyworth to arrange the rest."

Bruce nods and leans forward to shake Lucius' hand. His friend and long-time business partner departs and Bruce returns to gazing at the sunset. The benefit of being the money is that there is little you actually have to do, so his mind turns to invitations. To Dick's marriage prospects.

To what he'd done in the closet with Clark and who he'd like to be in there with now.

He wonders if Jason's milk is in yet...

He shakes his head to physically reject the thought and settles back at the desk, pulls the stack of 'to be read' paperwork towards himself.

Jason has been wearing lower and lower cut tops. If he looks, he could probably tell-

No! No fucking the help!

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The quarterly reports shall cool his ardour.

...And if they don't, he's slightly concerned about what that says about himself.

[mellometal]

Hey, everyone.

I've tried to compose myself before making this post. This is a subject that I've touched on a little bit in posts, but I've never done a deep dive into JUST this topic. I was going to make a post solely about this subject sooner, but this one in particular is really hard for me to talk about without getting emotional...and yet Dhar Mann has talked about this on quite a few occasions in the most insincere, toxic ways. I'll do my best to discuss this topic without getting too emotional.

It's about a serious subject that people still are ignorant about and don't take seriously. Even to this day, with the body positivity and body neutrality movements. (I don't know of a better way to describe just being neutral about your body. Sorry if it sounds weird.)

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring to (honestly, I don't blame you, as this is a subject that's often seen as normal and is encouraged in society for the most part), I'm talking about fatphobia. Hating on people for being fat. Discriminating people because of their weight in the workplace, at the doctor's office, just in general. Not many stores having inclusive sizes. People being treated like they're subhuman because they're fat.

I want to say this first, before I bash on Dhar Mann again: I'm a plus-size young woman. This is something that I have personal experience with. Your weight has no significance to your worth as a person. If you do happen to be overweight, obese, whatever, you're not subhuman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're worthy of being loved, listened to, treated with kindness, and respected, just like anyone else who isn't fat.

If you treat people like utter shit for their weight, get some help. Why do you care about somebody else's weight? Obviously there's an exception to this, like if they're so big they can't move or they're so skinny their organs are showing....because those are causes for concern, but other than that, mind your own business. Even if they are in those extremities, unless you're their doctor and/or their family, STILL mind your own business. How the fuck does a fat person simply breathing and existing affect you in any way? News flash: there will always be fat people.

Before I get to the weekly ritual of tearing TWO of Dhar Mann's videos apart (the next one will be in another post or I'll reblog this post and continue on there), here's an obligatory trigger warning for the video analysis itself and my response: The following post contains fatphobia, fat shaming, a man being super fucking misogynistic and treating women like they're objects, and there's even a touch of some racial aggression. How shocking. Because Dhar Mann really seems to get a kick out of writing about racism to make it all cute. Oh yeah, you're totally solving racism, Dhar Mann. /s

My response contains my experience with fatphobia, relationships with food, mentioned/implied thoughts of s3lf h@rm, feeling like I'm unworthy of being treated like an actual person because of my weight, and absolute rage. Like usual. My responses are very heated. This one especially. It's LONG. Buckle up.

With all this out of the way, let's get to the first video that I want to tear apart. This one is about the auditions for a record deal. I will get to the video about a kid wanting to be a host of a radio show later.

To sum up the first video, a plus-size white woman (Krissy Elliot) is singing for an agent (Isaac) and his assistant (Evette) so she can follow her dream to become a singer. Isaac cuts Krissy off to viciously bash her for being a plus-size woman. Evette stands up for this woman, and says she sounded fine and to let her finish. Isaac doesn't listen to Evette, let alone take what she said into consideration. He continues to ridicule Krissy for her appearance, that she'll "never make it in the music industry" (WRONG, do you know how many plus-size people are in the fucking music industry? There are A LOT more now than when I was growing up and it honestly makes me so happy. There were more plus-size people in the entertainment industry than in the music industry back then.), suggested that she "become a chef or a food critic" because she apparently loves being around food (being a chef or a food critic are noble professions, but NEVER fucking assume ANYONE'S relationships with food), to the point where Krissy left the room in tears.

Here are a few screenshots for context:

When this skinny, conventionally attractive woman (Jesse) comes in, Isaac's mood does a COMPLETE 180° and he's all sunshine and rainbows. Then right as soon as Jesse did her audition, Isaac is over the fucking moon, complimenting her physical appearance, treating her like an object, and signs her up for a record deal RIGHT AWAY. Pay attention to Isaac's facial expressions in one of these screenshots.

Evette suggests that they sign Krissy for a record deal instead. Because she was "the best singer they've had all day". Isaac, still all hot and bothered by a skinny, conventionally attractive woman that he's treating like an object, tells Evette that people like Krissy don't make it in the music industry because they're "overweight and unattractive", and is verbally aggressive towards her when she does nothing but explain her stance. Isaac sees this as Evette "talking back" (remember how I mentioned that there's racial aggression? He says that Evette is "talking back" because she happens to be a black woman) and fires her. He signs Jesse a record deal and has a blast with her.

The award ceremony comes around, and they're picking a winner for Best New Artist. They pick the winner, and it's....guess what? You'll never get it! It's Krissy Elliot! Why? Because Evette became her agent after Isaac fired her. Krissy goes into her whole story about how she was laughed out of every single agency and that she worked hard. Good for her. Jesse is obviously very happy for Krissy. We gotta love women supporting women.

This video was again another dumpster fire. As usual. Like I said, with this video in particular, I couldn't get through the first thirty seconds the first time around. Because I've dealt with shit like this. Obviously not with the music industry because I don't even think I'd be good enough to step into an agency...but I mean in my personal life.

Being told by my own dad that he was "tired of buying bigger clothes for me" when I was a young teenager, despite him buying almost nothing but "junk food".

Having my abuser make comments about my weight and talking about diets while I'm trying to eat my food, despite her being overweight.

Having someone I know (not anyone I'm friends with) make a comment about me eating a few things (ONE small piece of broccoli, two baby carrots, a small handful of chips, and ONE small piece of pineapple) and said to "save some for everyone else", even though I was saving food for everyone else, which is why I took so little. She tried to justify it with the fact nobody was there yet (why do you think I took very little food?), and she "was saying that to everyone" (why did she look at ME when she said that instead of making it clear that she was talking to everyone [saying "Hey, everyone" before the comment about saving some for everyone else IS NOT HARD]?), even though I know it was just to save her own ass. I knew she said that to me because I'm plus-size. She didn't say anything to anyone else, nor did she make it clear that she was talking to everyone.

Another person I know (not a person I'm friends with) saying that I overreacted (I did not overreact; SOMEONE TRIGGERED ME and you did NOTHING about it) even though they all KNEW my relationship with food is complicated. They KNEW that I don't really like eating in front of other people. I was upset that someone MADE A FUCKING DISGUSTING, TRIGGERING COMMENT ABOUT ME EATING VERY FEW FOOD ITEMS, ALMOST ALL WERE HEALTHY, DESPITE OTHER PEOPLE EATING A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND PICKING AT EVERYTHING. That day, I was begging one of my friends (one of the people I trust to eat around) to PLEASE take me home because I didn't want to be there (never wanted to be there in the first place), I was tired (I worked all night the night before and was forced to go to a meeting before all this happened), I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, there were way too many people (four individuals plus all their staff from another house were in the house I work in), I couldn't breathe (I was either about to pass out, have a panic attack, or just start crying), but nobody listened to me. I ended up getting a bus to go home.

(Sorry about all that. I was trying not to get emotional in this post. I just needed to share how this can affect people.)

Onto my response, which is all in the screenshots below.

ETA: I know the screenshots for my response are very jumbled right now and it’s difficult to read. I apologize to anyone who’s unable to fully read it! Because this is part one of this whole subject of fatphobia (I’m making a post about the boy wanting to become a radio host very soon), my response here will tie into that post. My response to that video is vastly the same, despite not making a comment on that video as of right now (the radio host one). 

I’ll be typing out my full response here. I apologize for weird formatting. Instagram wouldn’t let me break up my response into paragraphs. I’ll break them up into paragraphs here instead.

CC (Combination of the first, second, and third screenshots, aka, the first part of my response):

 I have a few questions before I get into my thoughts on this video. One, how the hell does your weight have any significance on your worth as a person, and if you do think this way, why would you think that? Two, do you know that fatphobia is a lot more than just judging a person for being fat? Three, why do you feel like you can speak for fat people like myself with this piss poor excuse for a video that I could barely get through the first thirty seconds of the first time? 

You can’t speak for any of us. I can’t speak for every fat person because not everyone has the same experiences as me. 

I’ve been bullied for my weight in real life as well as online. People have called me ugly just because of my weight. By the way, your weight doesn’t equal beauty, and that’s what I’m still learning. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

On quite a few occasions, I have actually thought about doing dangerous things to my body that I don’t feel comfortable going into here. All because I had people try to boil me down to my weight, call me ugly, and destroy whatever self-esteem I had left. You don’t know what fat people go through, so don’t act like you do. 

There are many factors that go into why a person may be fat, including medical conditions, mental illness, trauma, genetics, etc. All of those things are none of your business unless those people decide to be open about it. 

No, it’s not always healthy to be fat (obviously there are extremities on both sides of the spectrum of weight that are extremely unhealthy), but it doesn’t make a person any less of a human being. Fat people are human too. Quit treating us like we’re not. We deserve to be treated like everyone else who isn’t fat. I’m not saying put all fat people on a pedestal. I’m saying treat us like human beings.

CC (Combination of the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh screenshots, aka, the second part of my response):

Remember how I said that fatphobia isn’t just about judging people for being fat? Well, there’s the “fat tax” on plus-size clothing (even though it maybe only costs a little bit more in fabric, if there’s any difference in making clothes for people who aren’t fat), limited styles for fat people in stores (making a lot of us have to buy fast fashion or have to spend a fortune on clothes that actually flatter us), not very many stores have inclusive sizes still (if you don’t at least carry max 5XL or a size 38/40 in pants size, you cannot call yourself inclusive), and a lot of other things.

Many fat people, myself included, are afraid to seek medical attention for anything (even checkups) because of doctors who only focus on our weight and not on what we came in to see them for. They write it off as if our weight is the sole cause of our problems, which isn’t always the case.

How about we talk about how expensive it is to eat healthy in a lot of places? Not everyone can afford to make fresh meals every day, let alone once a week. Maybe they were never taught how to due to their upbringing. You don’t know.

I’ve had people comment on my weight, what I’m eating (even if I’m eating something healthy like fruits and veggies), talk about my weight or diets EVEN WHILE I’M TRYING TO EAT, and it’s caused me to wait until I’m alone or around someone I trust to eat anything. As a result, I have a complicated relationship with food now.

Telling someone they’re fat doesn’t help them. They know that. They see themselves every day. People may want to change, but they either are afraid to ask for help, or they don’t know where to start. Some may not want to change. It’s up to them, honestly. If you want to help them lose weight, maybe suggest any physical activity they’d have fun doing and do them with them? I dance for fun. Also, you could help set up meal plans with them. 

If you’re not going to at least try to help them lose weight if you’re so concerned about them (this is all if they actually want to change things and don’t know where to start), I cannot say this in a sweeter way: shut your mouth and mind your own business. Because you’re just being a cunt at that point.

CC (eighth screenshot, aka, the third and final part to my response):

There are quite a few plus-size people in the entertainment industry as a whole who are/were very successful. Remember the late Chris Farley and Aretha Franklin? Chris Farley was big, but that didn’t change how great of an actor he was, how funny he was, or how much of an impact he made in the entertainment industry. Aretha Franklin was a plus-size black woman in the music industry, but she’s inspired SO MANY artists we have today! There are many plus-size men, women, and I believe even nonbinary people in the public eye in general. Like I’ve said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s why the body positivity and body neutrality movements are a thing.

(I know I implied that I thought about sh here in my response, but please don't worry about me as far as that goes. I'm fine now. I would never go through with anything like that.)

In the last part of my response where I mentioned some plus-size people in the entertainment industry as well as the music industry (the late Chris Farley and the late Aretha Franklin), I was going to name more people, but my comments were getting too long. I'll name some more here off the top of my head:

Lizzo (rapper), the Piggy Dolls (the first K-Pop girl group made up of actual plus-size women), K*v*n Sp*c*y (I don't feel comfortable saying his name because he's a disgusting person, but he's another plus-size man...he was in King of Queens and in A LOT of movies), PSY, Greyson Gritt (a genderqueer person in the music industry), Elle King, Produce Pandas (the first music group in China full of plus-size men), Martha Wash, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Big Angel (a J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Chubbiness (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Pottya (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women)...there are so many that I found, but if you want to add more plus-size artists, plus-size actors, plus-size comedians/comediennes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Dhar Mann, you'll never know what plus-size people go through. You don't know what we go through. You have NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Stop acting like you do. Because you don't, and you never will.

By the way, Dhar Mann, this will NOT be the last post I'll make about you or your videos. The more you make fucking deplorable, poorly written bullshit, the more posts I'll make! Teehee!

If you got this far, thank you so much. The next part of this is coming very soon. I'm sorry for not posting too many screenshots from the video. I wanted to fit in my response because it's important for people to see.

Have a good day/afternoon/night, y'all. Love you!

[sophi-s]

Cost of Kindness

Chapter IV: Complications

By: sophi-s

Fandom: Darksiders video games

Words: 6,656

Characters: Raphael, Original Female Character (OC), Fury

Warnings: Blood and Injury, Swearing (a lot of it XD)

Summary:

After far too many close calls and an adventure that will last her a lifetime, Nicola and Raphael finally make their way towards Haven. Unfortunately, not everything goes as smoothly as it could.

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Many, many centuries ago taking off to the grand skies has become one of humanity's greatest dreams. They always wished to be able to fly, envying birds their wings and wishing to join them in their aerial conquest. It took many more ages to even try to think of it seriously and even longer for the humans to create the first working airplane and fulfill their dreams as the gravity kept thwarting all their plans. But once this seemingly impossible goal was accomplished, this event has been recorded on the pages of history as one of the most remarkable inventions of the human race.

When she was little, Nicola dreamed of flying on her own as well. She loved watching birds, tracking the planes soaring through the sky, so far away they looked like ants, and thinking about how it would be to have her own wings. Her dreams eventually were abandoned as she grew older, more serious and more reasonable. But honestly, if a week ago someone asked her if she would choose to have wings if she could, Nicola without hesitation would reply "a huge YES". Now however, she realised something she didn't really take into consideration before. While humans wished to rule the skies, they absolutely were not created for this. They have been made flightless, earth-ridden creatures and for a good reason. Her very apparent fear of heights made it awfully clear to her.

These thoughts were all Nicola could hear aside from the rustling of feathers on the wind as she desperately held onto her angel friend, her heart hammering in her chest, eyes wide and stomach making somersaults while everything was spinning around like a carousel. At a certain height the human body just starts to give up and refuse cooperation. For those who are afraid of heights the gap is even smaller and the symptoms more severe. All that was keeping her from fainting or throwing up there and then was the fact that she refused to look down to see how high they actually were but imagining the small buildings below her wasn't making it much better. If she survives this, she will never ask any angel for a fly again and - if it will ever be possible after the apocalypse - stay the heck away from any sort of working plane. Ground was where she belonged. Flying was not her cup of tea and no one will ever convince her otherwise.

Raphael seemed oblivious to the silent prayers spilling past her lips and just kept flying, fully focused on his destination, as she was absolutely certain she's going to die. Her muscles were completely stiff, as though she looked Medusa in the eye. She couldn't even see anything with how her face was buried in the rumpled fabric of Raphael's clothes but she assumed they were getting closer and closer. Focus on anything else than the height. Anything! She kept telling herself when her jaw started to hurt from how she was clenching her teeth. Easier said than done. Nicola knew that Raphael wasn't going to drop her. He promised her and lately she learned to trust him but the pull of gravity beckoning her down into the abyss and to a long plummet ending in a painful impact and certain death… The last time she was this panicked was when the Fallen jumped her out of nowhere. Speaking of which… God, please, let this be a smooth flight. No demons, I'm begging you..

Encounter with stray demons was the last thing they needed now. She didn't doubt Raphael's ability to defend both her and himself but if a flying demon was to attack them from surprise… Not a single part of her already malfunctioning brain could produce a scenario that wouldn't end in either of them dying or at least suffering grave injuries. In short words, any sort of aerial confrontation would mean serious trouble. And trouble wasn't something Nicola missed. Especially after the last night..

Seems like her prayers have been answered. So far nothing noticed an angel and a human passing overhead. And those demons which did apparently decided not to bother them since it didn't seem worth it or had no way of giving them trouble from where they were standing. Nicola stopped counting seconds of their journey long ago and the only indication of the passing time was the wind rushing through her hair slowing down as Raphael started to try and spare as much energy as he could, gliding whenever possible on his wings simply stretched out on both sides and flapping them only to keep the right height, out of range of any demons that could be sulking below when he began to grow weary. His stamina wasn't probably in the best condition after the time he spent in hiding and most likely not moving much.

When she gets back to Haven, Nicola is going to first, eat a solid lunch since her stomach was displeased again - though now she couldn't really feel it twisted in panic like that - second, go the fuck to sleep for the rest of the day. Even though she spent the last night sleeping like a dead woman, she didn't feel that well rested. The amount of stress she had to endure exhausted her and a few hours of rest weren't enough to regenerate her full strength. High on her bucket list was also taking care of Raphael, to at least make him look decent and dress any wounds he carried. Elanya could do that too but Nicola couldn't imagine that Raphael would let a maker he doesn't know do anything to him. She remembered how distrustful he was in the beginning. And after she gets back, no more escapades if not necessary. At least two weeks long break. Ulthane is going to make sure she stays there anyway so she might as well spend her time on sleeping and some light activities. 

Speaking of Ulthane… Nicola wasn't actually sure what she'd say to him once she suddenly showed up in Haven after all that time with a traumatized, crazy angel at her side. To say it will be awkward as heck, would be a severe understatement. It's not even about Raphael. How is she going to explain herself to the overbearing maker who is standing on his head to save the last survivors of her kind while, by nearly killing herself three times already, she acted nothing if not ungrateful? And honestly, she wasn't in shape to wonder about it now because her mind refused to focus on anything else than this one thought of the lethal distance between her and the ground. Damn it all.. Why does she have to be afraid of heights and find out this very unpleasant way? Really, if someone tried to take her from Raphael before he landed or too short time after, they'd probably need a crowbar to pry her off him.

While Nicola thought that the flight itself was awful, the moment her stomach seemed to move up into her gullet as Raphael dipped towards the ground she unwittingly shrilly cried out in fear. And that was a mistake. The angel, startled by the quiet human he'd been holding this entire time suddenly screaming bloody murder for no apparent reason, tried to halt his descent to figure out what's wrong but it was already too late for that. As a result the landing was rather rough. Nicola closed her eyes and so she didn't see how Raphael clumsily hit the ground and barely kept himself propped up not to land on top of her as she slipped out of his grasp and lost her grip on his robes. The expectations of a long fall made her throat tighten and trap her voice inside. All the bigger relief once after barely an inch or two, her back connected with the surface, drawing a soft and strained "oof" from her.

Still scared, disoriented and confused, Nicola opened her eyes to see wide-eyed Raphael hunched over her, hands on either side of her head - with the staff to her left - and gawking at  her with a slight panic on his face. Goodness, he was way too close. Pulling her arms close to her body in a helpless attempt to regain her personal space, she smiled awkwardly.

"H-hi there!"

The moment he saw that nothing was wrong and her face regained some of its color, Raphael breathed with relief and got off her, once again offering his hand to help her up. Once back on her feet, Nicola nearly cried out when she felt the solid ground under the soles of her boots. Blessed earth, she could literally kiss it right now. But the fact that they were not in Haven yet disconcerted her a little. Looking around, she noticed they're in an empty street in the middle of nowhere. Casting a questioning glance at Raphael she didn't even need to ask. The way his wings were slumped against his back, his breath heavier than before said it all. Plain and simple, Raphael was tired. Too tired to keep going. Still, he was eyeing her cautiously.

"Why… why were you screaming?"

Still feeling the nausea and the shaking of her knees, Nicola scratched the back of her neck and turned her eyes away ashamed.

"Ahuh… I'm not-... I'm not used to flying, that dip scared me a little. Sorry about this.."

Raphael said nothing to this, simply nodded, and lowered himself to the dusted road to have a seat by one of the decrepit stores. Nicola decided to let him have his five minutes to rest before going any further. Store. She suddenly realised. And not just any. A grocery store. At the mere thought her stomach rumbled. Not only could she have something for herself but also gather some stuff for others! If anything there is still edible that is. It wouldn't hurt to check. Every bit of food is precious.

"Raphael, can you wait here for a bit? I'll be back in a jiffy."

Out of the corner of her eye she already saw him shift in apprehension and almost begin to stand up. Probably because she ran once already and in his mind could do it again. She proceeded to calm him down immediately by pointing at the building she intended to search.

"I'll just go in there to look for stuff, don't worry. I will come back."

Staring at her for a couple of intense seconds, Raphael eyed her from head to toe twice before his concerned gaze softened a bit.

"Promise me…?"

Nicola smiled reassuringly and nodded. There weren't many options for her if she did want to run off. Besides, she wasn't quite sure where she was just yet. Her orientation in terrain was… less than decent as of late.

"I promise."

She offered and once Raphael sat somewhat comfortably back down, she took her backpack and shotgun - just in case - and stepped in through a broken window. The inside of the store was in utter disarray and even that was putting it lightly. Most of the shelves were toppled over, some even in pieces. Glinting shards of glass littered the floor, crunching under Nicola's feet every time she made a step. Unsurprisingly, nothing was working. No lights, no freezers, no ventilation. No time to waste. Nicola began her search immediately.

Approaching the fruit stand greeted her with bitter disappointment. Apples, oranges, pears and many other fruits were already rotten and sometimes even coated in white specks of mould. Definitely not good. With vegetables it was exactly the same. The only carrot that looked acceptable at first, turned out to have been completely wilted. Tossing it aside, Nicola moved on. She didn't even bother looking for meat. The stench hit her the moment she came inside and were it not for the smell of decomposing corpses that drifted around the sewers when she was there, she probably would've thrown up where she stood. Instead, she just covered her mouth and nose with her bandana.

Any dairy products were off the table too. Without working freezers every single one of them has surely gone sour by now. A diarrhea was not something she wanted to have in Haven and most likely neither did the makers. Nicola didn't dare to so much as touch any eggs that still were somehow intact. Bad idea. A smelly one as well. There's no way some of them haven't gone bad yet. The risk wasn’t worth it. Passing by one of the mostly whole shelves, she absent mindedly grabbed a bag of dry cat food and stuffed it into her backpack. It was highly probable that most of the survivors would be feeding the kitten with any leftovers but.. just to make sure the poor thing doesn't starve to death.

Most of the jars have broken during initial earthquakes but two small jars of pickles seemed to be mostly alright. Without giving it much thought, she placed them in her backpack. Four bags of freeze-dried fruits quickly found their way into her pockets once she got a hold of them. Under a broken shelf, Nicola spotted an edge of some packet. Assuming it was just crackers or something, she reached into the rubble for it but once she pulled it out… she immediately regretted her decision. It was, in fact, not a bag of crackers. It was a whole, torn bag of soured cabbage coated in some strange growth - probably mould - she didn't get a chance to really look at because her attention was caught by something inside the bag. Probably squeezed in through the tear and got stuck, a small, bloated body of a gigantic, hellish critter. Instinctively, Nicola yelped quietly and without giving it much thought she lobbed the thing across the whole store before wiping her hand on the nearest piece of rag that wasn't her clothes. She didn't even get any of the spilling juices on her but… gross. Just gross. Ew ew ew! Ignoring the wet splat the bag made when it hit the floor wasn't an easy task. Still shaking off the disgust, she continued her search, noting to herself never to touch something she isn't sure what it is.

From there it thankfully was starting to go much smoother. Two packets of crispbread, some dark chocolate and a box of tea were found and collected. Nicola nearly cheered out loud when she spotted a few Snickers on a shelf. One she immediately opened and eagerly ate while the rest landed safely in her backpack. It might be mostly sugar with a bit of peanuts but it was a good snack that could deceive the brain for quite some time. To be frank, Nicola lived half of the high school on those whenever her lessons lasted too long for her breakfast to keep her sated. Besides, she couldn't imagine others would mind her bringing a bunch. Especially Marie. Jacob will most likely strangle Nicola if his daughter eats too much sweets but in the end it'll be worth it. Anything would be worth putting a smile on that sad little face.

Somewhere on the floor, Nicola even found a box of vitamins which luckily was not out of date yet. With a deficit of fruits and vegetables, those could be lifesavers. Especially for Leslie. She needs the most of it. Unfortunately, the space in her backpack was very much limited and soon she couldn't put anything more in there. Rearranging the contents of it, she put in one bottle of water, careful not to crush the crispbread and chocolate. At least she found something. Her escapade wasn't all for nothing when it comes to supplies. But even without those, she wouldn't say she regrets it. Against all the odds, she lived. And most importantly, she gained an otherworldly friend. And in times like these, a friend is something to be treasured.

Slinging her now much heavier backpack on her shoulders, she picked up her gun and headed towards the broken window she used as an entrance before. Peeking out from the store, she saw Raphael where she'd left him and a very much awake cat playfully attacking the longest quill of his left wing. His head perked up when she dropped onto the sidewalk beneath the window and she could've sworn she'd seen the corner of his mouth twitch upwards for a second there. Smiling, she unfolded her hands and shrugged.

"See? I keep my promises."

The angel hummed quietly before leaning his head against the wall behind him and closing his eyes. Nicola was about to ask if he's good to go but let the thought perish when she noticed his eyebrows furrow and his chapped lips twist into a slight grimace. Soon after, his right hand wandered up to his chest as he took a couple of quick and shallow breaths through his clenched teeth. If Nicola didn't know any better, she'd have said Raphael was having a heart attack. Can an angel even have an infarct? She honestly had no idea. In fact, she didn't even know how old he is. She couldn't tell. All the angels she'd met so far had white hair so that's not a hint to go by and his face didn't necessarily look old or young. He seemed as ageless as the time itself. Still, she didn't want to take any chances.

"Raphael? What's wrong?!"

She asked as she crouched beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder to steady him if needed. Raphael simply slowly shook his head and turned to look at her tiredly. And in his blank eyes she saw the already familiar pain and a spark of a silent plea.

"Just a little longer.. Let me rest a while…"

It took everything Nicola had in her to stop the sigh of relief. It didn't sit right with her that Raphael was still suffering and she could do absolutely nothing about it but hearing he's mostly fine, with only the usual ailing him, made her feel a tad easier. When his breathing grew slower and calmer, she even let herself slip down to the floor beside him.

"Sure. We have time, I guess.."

It was still relatively early, barely an hour or two after noon and Nicola wasn't that eager to return into the sky so soon. Only thinking about it made her feel a little sick. Hopefully, it wasn't too far to Haven from here. Even though Nicola really wanted to finally get home, she decided to be patient with her companion. He was wounded and most likely ill but he still tried his best to help her, even though he hadn't known her that long. He deserves a moment. Nicola too needed to sit down for a second as her thigh was still a bloody nuisance. Just a few more minutes. It wouldn't do harm to have a little break now, would it?

Yes. Yes it would. Nicola suddenly realised when she saw the kitten arc its back and puff its tail out. It hisses loudly before scurrying away into the store she just left and soon enough Nicola realised why once she looked into an alley ahead of her. The sight of a massive, winged shape made it painfully obvious. Her heart nearly ceased and Raphael beside her tensed at the sight of an enormous demon with curved horns and teeth, each the size of her palm, resembling a set of barbed knives made specifically to cut meat. The edges of long healed wounds that left behind terrible scars on her abdomen began to itch as she gawked at the familiar monster that nearly took her life. Flapping of gigantic wings that covered the sky with its expanse… Razor sharp claws curling around her body… the same talons tearing into her flesh as Ulthane attempted to free her from its grasp. And this shriek… oh God, this shriek…

Despite the apparent pain and exhaustion, Raphael slowly - not to agitate the demon - got up to his feet and raised his wings threateningly as he stepped in front of aghast Nicola. The fact that due to its bulkiness this thing seems almost twice as large as he is doesn't make an impression on him. Or maybe it does but he doesn't show it. The Fallen stared at Raphael with its small red eyes as a pair of Phantom Guards rounded a corner and joined the beast. Each carried a jagged blade that could easily tear through angelic armor. Nicola had seen it happen. Following them was another bloody Goreclaw. But these three she barely even noticed. Her wide eyes were focused on the larger demon. She felt her muscles refuse cooperation and seize. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. Her mind repeatedly screamed No nono no NO! Not like this!!

With excited roars, the lesser demons charged towards the angel standing between them and the weak, pathetic and helpless human as the Fallen spread its wings and took off into the air. Even as Nicola kept stone still, Raphael remained sharp and ready to act as always. One spell spilled past his lips and the flying demon instantly went rigid before plummeting back onto the ground and crashing into a broken car, setting its annoying alarm off. It didn't discourage the other three but it let Nicola find will to move and clutch her gun tighter. Ever since she'd met Raphael, he'd been doing nothing but getting her arse out of trouble. Taking a shaky breath she decided to start repaying favors.

Though, once again she didn't really have a chance to do anything as she was dumbstruck by the following scene playing out before her. As the hellish monsters charged, Raphael took his staff in both hands and held it before himself, closing his eyes and muttering an incantation in his melodious language. The moment the first demon stepped a tad too close, Raphael's eyes snapped open, burning like two white suns and a sleek ethereal blade materialized from the tip of what Nicola previously thought just an ornament or a walking cane. It glowed like the purest light ever to exist. Another assumption Nicola made about Raphael turned out to have been false. The last thing she can say about him is unarmed. He carried no blade, no gun or anything but who needs a weapon as lame as those when in addition to powerful sorcery you have a freaking lightsaber?

Everything lasted less than a second as the angel led a wide, sweeping slash of his spectral sword… spear thing… and promptly relieved the Phantom Guard of its horned head, before stopping the pouncing Goreclaw with a flick of his free hand, suspending it in the air growling and hissing. The other Phantom Guard had no chance to either attack the vulnerable angel or retreat, when Raphael was busy cutting down the quadrupedal demon, as Nicola came back to her senses and, instead of running like she always has, jumped forward and fired her shotgun. The resounding bang travelled through the entire city, bouncing off the walls and drifting far into the desolate town but it had the effect Nicola counted on.

The Phantom Guard staggered backwards with a chest full of buckshot, wheezed a couple times and tripped over onto its back never to get up again. With adrenaline still pumping through her veins, Nicola stared at the either dead or dying demon in wonderment, her brain trying to process what just happened, before releasing a breathless laugh of triumph. She killed one. She actually killed one! Raphael too seemed rather surprised but not unpleasantly so as he let the blade fade away.

"I got it! Did you see that?!"

"That indeed, I have.."

He said as he eyed her carefully, probably just to check if she's fine. Aside from a little fresh blood on his boots and hands, Raphael didn't seem to have gotten hurt in any way. Well… more than he'd already been at least. Nicola beamed up at him nearly bursting with pride at her actual first kill on a demon larger than her shin. And he seemed happy for her, if the soft smile he regarded her with could be an indication. But this victory didn't last long. Her own smile faded when she saw the Fallen stiffly getting up from where it slammed onto the ground, pure rage on its monstrous face. Her pulse began to race again but this time she refused to let the panic get a hold of her just yet.

"Watch out!!"

She cried too late, just a sliver of a second too late. Raphael whipped around to face the attacker and all he managed to do was raise his hand before the charging demon swung its head to the left. And with the force of a truck driving at the speed of fifty miles per hour, slammed it into the angel, making a formula of a spell die on his lips as he was sent flying through the air and crashing against a nearby building. The force of the impact caved in the wall and the kind, mad angel disappeared in a cloud of dust. All that was left were a couple of white feathers slowly falling to the ground.

"NO!"

Nicola didn't pay any mind to how her voice broke and squeaked pitifully when her heart leaped up into her throat. She could only stare at the place where Raphael vanished with a rumbling crash as the enraged demon growled in the same direction. Not a single part of her being agreed with what she'd just witnessed. A second before he was standing right there, like nothing was about to happen, distracted by her gushing over her first serious kill. Nothing should have happened, why did the demon unravel Raphael's magic just like that? Even a Shadowcaster didn't manage to do that! Why would this one? And why… Tears welled up in her eyes as her lower lip trembled… why did it have to… end the way it did…?

To make matters worse, the Fallen was still before her, still furious and thirsting for blood. Not wasting more time, Nicola pulled out a handful of new bullets and tried to reload her weapon but it proved almost impossible with how much her hands were shaking. Thank Christ, the demon was taking its sweet time as it faced her and began to lumber towards her on all fours, huffing out breaths stinking of rotting meat. Faster, faster, damn it! Nicola cursed inwardly when she dropped a couple of shells before she finally managed to place the ammunition where it should be. But when she looked up, the Fallen was on top of her already. Parting its jaws wide, ready to swallow her whole.

The scream of anguish that felt so tempting in the back of her throat never came to be. In a second, Nicola thought about all the horrors she'd lived through. All demons she'd met, all shambling corpses of former humans brought back by vile sorcery. All friends she'd made and lost.. Raphael, do just one thing for me. She gritted her teeth as her knuckles turned white from how she was gripping her weapon. Despair started to turn into rage. Burning bright and white hot inside of her, the flame Raphael had helped her see. Please, be alive when I come for you… The demon lunged forward to sever the string of her measly life by biting her in half. But Nicola wasn't going to let it get her so easily. Her fear was forgotten as she stuck the barrel of her shotgun into the monster's opened maw. She didn't want to die. Not now, not like this. For once she wanted to have a say over her own fate. Over the date of her demise. She is still young, she had a whole life ahead of her. And all those demonic dickheads with the Destroyer leading the charge decided to ruin everything and not only for her, but for every human who lives still and who has perished. And those who are yet to be born. She refused. She will not die. Not here. Not killed by that thing.

"FUCKOFF!!!"

And she fired. Partially, the sound was muffled by the demon's mouth snapping shut just barely missing Nicola's arms as she let go of her gun. The Fallen recoiled and began to shriek in pain, spitting out its own blood onto the concrete at its feet. Nicola didn't have delusions she could kill it but it gave her the precious seconds she needed. She ran for the closest hiding place available, which was the store she just left. Nicola leaped in through the broken window and quickly made it to the opposite wall to put as much distance between herself and the writhing monstrosity as possible. And it was a good choice.  A loud roar from the street made her heart fall into her heels as the injured demon finally gathered its bearings.

Nicola looked at the Fallen that was coming her way with murder in its eyes. The unexpected bout of courage has long faded and the petrifying fear once again had Nicola in its chilling grasp. Even with the mouthful of bullets, the Fallen did not intend to give up on its prey. And here she hoped it would piss off if she fed it with lead… Snarling and panting, the demon approached the broken window with its own blood pouring from between its sharp fangs. It only added to the menacing image of the beast that had Nicola trembling and frozen.

Think, Nicola, THINK! What can she do against an opponent far bigger, stronger and more dangerous than a single human without a weapon? The Fallen was trying to fit through the window, reaching out with its clawed paw to try and get her. Nicola looks around in panic, looking for anything that could save her. In a grocery store. Good luck. Eventually, she says "fuck it" and grabs a most likely rancid egg. The laughably small projectile splatters over the face of the demon with a squelch and even from far away Nicola is sure this egg was definitely rotten. Even the Fallen stops for a second to shake the disgusting goop off of its head but before it's done, another egg flies through the air and cracks on its head, just as stinky as the previous one.

"How'd ya, like that, asshole?! Wanna have some more?!"

Nicola yells at the demon, holding yet another egg, fully prepared to just chuck it at the monster. Unfortunately, all she managed to do was piss it off even further as its efforts in reaching her doubled. Pieces of plaster and bricks were coming loose as the demon tried to wriggle into the shop to finally kill that annoying pest lobbing small, smelly things at it. As a result, an egg once again hit the demon while Nicola kept shouting out profanities that probably made her poor mother toss and turn in her grave. She's not going down without a fight, even if the said fight is done by throwing eggs and all the gross shit she found on the floor. But she knew she isn’t getting out of this one.

And so, this is it. Nicola couldn't believe she would die by the claws of the same creature that nearly killed her once before. Was Ulthane rescuing her only delaying the inevitable? What a sick joke… Why does fate insist on being cruel? There was so much she wanted to say, so many apologies she had to give… so little time… There was nothing she could do. At least… she will see Nicholas again.. her parents and every friend she'd lost in this cursed apocalypse. A miracle would've been nice. A tiny one. Just this once. Please?

And boy, did she get her wish. A sudden force violently tearing the Fallen out of the shop nearly startled her out of her dirty and tattered jeans. Hardly believing her eyes, she watched as her would-be killer screeched in rage and surprise when it was wrenched free from the ruined window and was gone from her vision. A sudden tremor shook the whole building, sending small bits of debris raining down on her head as a mighty roar reverberated through her very bones. But it wasn't the Fallen. It was something meaner. Something… Nicola swallowed thickly at the thought… bigger. Or at least as large as this fucker. Then came clacking of metal, ungodly screeching of the demon. A second later Nicola saw as it was flung through the air like a sack of potatoes and crashed against a block of flats. Instant karma. She thinks with bitter satisfaction when she remembers what that faggot did to Raphael. I need to somehow get to him. Honestly though, she doesn't really want to know what managed to just YEET a Fallen like a skipping rock.

Unfortunately, she finds out and finds out quite soon. From her hideout, she sees an enormous creature, nearly as big as the demon that threatened her, charging towards the stunned monster still bleeding from its mouth. If Nicola had been terrified of the Fallen, then she was on the verge of having a straight out SCA after seeing this chunk of a behemoth. Whatever this thing was, it was the size of an average tree. Its armored hide was burning with red and white flames which were enveloping twin jagged, metal whips it held in its hands. Vestigial wings were trembling with wrath as it turned its radiant white eyes at the battered demon. Between a pair of sweeping horns that crowned its head was a flickering blaze that flared with each step the monstrosity took towards its quarry. Right.. What's the best way to get rid of a monster? Sic a stronger monster on it. The Fallen shrugged off and growled at its new assailant, challenging it to a fight.

While the two beasts were circling one another, battling she couldn't even guess what for, Nicola braced for what was to come. This is a horrible idea. Breath in and breath out. In and out. And when the Fallen pounced at its attacker, she bolted. Not stopping, she ran. Through the street the demons were fighting on, past them - so close she could feel the heat radiating off of the newcomer - and into the building Raphael disappeared in. Nicola hoped she was ready for what she was about to find. She really did. Jumping in through the punched in wall however, she soon found out she was, in fact, not ready. The moment she entered, she immediately caught the sight that made something squeeze inside of her.

On a pile of rubble from the destroyed wall was Raphael coated in dust. Still. Not moving, his mesmerising white eyes shut. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh God, oh NO! Not thinking, all fear and uncertainty she ever felt in his presence was long cast away, Nicola rushed over to him pleading, begging everything that would listen for him to be alive. Don't leave me here like this… Dropping at his side into the rubble, Nicola lays her ear on the top of his chest and doesn't let herself relax until she hears a heartbeat and a shallow breath within. Words cannot describe how much she deflated once she did. He's still alive.. but he doesn’t look good.

"Raphael! Please say something! Can you hear me?!"

Thankfully, angel's eyes lolled open as she spoke to him, hinting that he indeed can hear her. Trying his best to keep his unfocused gaze on her face, Raphael furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his upper lip in a pained sneer as his hand wandered up to clutch at his side where the demon's heat struck him.

"Nnn… Nnii… co…"

He weakly attempted to speak but without much success. No joke, he must've hit his head really hard and she dreaded to think about the state of his ribcage.. But hey! At least he hears and understands what Nicola is saying. And it's a good sign.. right…? Wasting no more time, Nicola helped him sit up, keeping her hand on his forehead to steady him as his own palm rested over hers. Even squinting in pain, Raphael kept looking at her, as though she was the only point of focus he could think of.

"Hang in there, okay?! Please, Phel.. We'll be fine…"

Liar. Something snaps at her. They're pretty much defenseless and vulnerable with a very livid demon still threatening them. One or the other will come out victorious. And to the victor go the spoils… Raphael tried to say something but still couldn't formulate words properly due to the splitting headache pulsing through his entire skull. Though even through ringing in his head and pain in his chest that somehow rivaled the one he constantly felt, he found something in this human's words that baffled him. In her panic, Nicola doesn't catch a puzzled look he sends her way.

Phel?

A choked up cry of a dying demon made them both jump a little and look out through the hole Raphael made when the demon gored him. Just in time to see the flaming beast standing on top of the Fallen and strangling it with its whips. Then, the creature of… quite blatantly feminine curves gave one sharp tug and the demon's head was brutally severed from the rest of its body. And everything fell silent.

Instinctively, Nicola halted her breath and ceased any movement, watching the winner (Nicola felt fully comfortable with calling it per "she" now) shoot a glance towards her and Raphael who by this point tiredly laid his head on her shoulder, heaving in attempts to draw a proper breath. The creature approached slowly, keeping Nicola frozen in place and desperately holding onto her injured friend. When the demon was at the wall, only her massive legs were visible. Seconds ticked by as a set of claws rested above the opening to the house, and a monstrous head loomed through the hole.

That would be more than enough to make Nicola pass right the Hell out but.. Something about this creature intrigued her. It didn't have a snarling, toothy maw but an almost featureless face with the curve of a nose and a pair of bright and ferocious, intelligent eyes. It stared at her with more understanding than any demon Nicola had ever seen. Whatever it was, it didn't seem aggressive for some weird reason. At least not yet.. Then, unexpectedly, the creature was enveloped in red flames as its humongous form began to shrink and reshape into something much smaller but still a good two heads taller than an average human.

From the hot light emerged a very humanlike woman in intricate metal armor. Black tattoos marked her stern face around her luminous, white eyes and on her forehead, right below the line of incredibly dense magenta colored hair which floated freely around her head, defying gravity like it's the most natural thing in the world. Whoever it was, even with an intimidating aura of strength and resolve, her close resemblance to a human calmed Nicola somewhat. Plus, she had to admit that this woman had the looks. Men would probably be killing one another for her. Honestly, Nicola felt kind of jealous.. But considering she was still pretty much helpless with a half-conscious angel leaned against her, it didn't put her fully at ease. At least until the stranger spoke in plain English. Then Nicola finally released the breath she was holding. Crossing her arms, the tall lady sneered slightly at the human and angel before her.

"Well, would you look at that. Guess it's your lucky day today."

--------------------------------------------------

It's finally done, my goodness! This one was hard to get right but I made it. Don’t ask me how i managed to finish it with two pictures, I have no clue :I

Fury makes an appearance! Badass as always. :D

Also, can I get an F for Raphael's poor ribs?

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

I feel like some people I know (including my supervisor and occasionally professors) don't understand that I sometimes take longer than other people to complete tasks or learn things (probably due to several of my disabilities). Do you have any advice for explaining this to other people but not making it seem like an excuse? My accommodation of extra time on assignments in school doesn't allow me very much extra time. Can I also request some affirmations about it's OK to learn at my own pace?

Hi Anon!

I have similar problems to you - because of my cognitive dysfunction, I am a slow learner, and I usually need three times as long to read anything. I am currently working on a research project for my degree that should take me one semester - but I have been able to negotiate much much longer - the initial plan is that instead of the usual 15 weeks, I will aim for 27, with the option for additional time if I need it. The reason: I cannot take in more than about 10 pages of reading a day, and that’s simply not enough.

So... let’s talk about how I explained and negotiated my way to this agreement:

1. I am registered with Disability Services

So, not every school has one, and it doesn’t help with a workplace, but essentially what this means is that I took steps to explain my situation before it became a problem. As well as registering that I need assistance (which I’m guessing you have done too - hence the extra time) I always speak to a new lecturer or professor myself after the first class. I say something like:

“Hi. My name’s Kate and you will have recieved an Education Access Plan for me. I just want to let you know some things...”

My school has rules that the Plan has to be followed, and the staff aren’t allowed to ask me why I need my special accomodations, but I like to be upfront and explain to them. Then they feel like I’m honest and trustworthy, etc. And I find them always very accomodating.

2. I make sure people see the effort I put in

I am a high achiever. At school, in the workplace, in my activism work, in video games! At school, I care a lot about my grades, but I also make a deliberate effort to be sure my lecturers and teachers can see my effort. I ask a lot of questions and raise my hand when I know the answers to things. I contribute to class discussions. I email if I am sick and I go to consultation hours and ask for help.

This means that when I need that extra time to finish an essay, they know wasn’t lazy or wasting time (and sometimes, maybe, I was!) because I have that track record of being a good student who puts effort in. I’ve even got a reputation now with staff I haven’t met.

I do the same thing at a job. I work hard and I make sure I’m seen working hard.

Note: You should not have to do this! I should not have to. Our word and a medical certificate should be enough. But it often isn’t, and you asked for advice, so this is it, sadly.

3. I explained exactly what my need is and why

When it came to negotiating this specific longterm extension on my research, I had to ask my supervisor to commit to much longer. That’s a big ask. So, I needed to be clear on what my problem is and I also came to her with a proposed solution to that problem. The clearer you can be, the better (which can be hard with a cognitive disability - but writing it down can help)

So. Problem: I can only read about ten pages or so a day of the kind of complex academic language this research requires. That’s drastically below the amount I need to read in the timeframe available.

Solutions: I need more time. There’s a way we can enrol me so the computer system allows me to take more than one semester, and I came to her with that information. I wrote a proposed study plan of how long it might take me and when I might have a first draft, a final draft, etc. I included what kind of information I thought I needed and how much time I thought the first few of these might require (Two weeks on Subject A, Three on Subject B).

I also explained to her how varying the tasks I’m performing helps me to keep focused - so I wrote a list of the tasks I needed to do besides reading, and gave her these too, so she could see how I’d help myself work better by varying tasks.

People love it when they don’t have to do that much work! If you say “Here’s the problem, I already found the solution, please tick the box that says you agree” they fucking LOVE that. The thing is done with the least inconvenience to them.

So, your problem: You need longer to complete tasks or learn something new.

If you feel comfortable, it will help to explain why this is. In simple terms, but not patronising. I always say:

“I have trouble concentrating, especially if there are distractions like other noises - even something minor like an air conditioner. I get tired easily, I can only focus for short periods. I fall asleep when reading long passages of text. I read slowly. Some days I cannot read at all.”

All of those things make up “I need more time”, but they explain WHY I need more time, and often a person who is just ignorant about disabilities simply hasn’t bothered to think about it and when you explain it like this, they begin to understand why you find things more difficult than they do.

Another thing I like to say is “Think about how you function when you’re very tired. When you try to read a book but you’re ready to fall asleep and the words blur - that’s me all the time” - that’s an experience that they can relate to, and that really helps!

Then you can tell them the solution: “It would really help if I had extra time. That would give me more time to read everything over twice to make sure I understand it.” Or you could say the extra time helps you because you can only work for a small period each day and therefore you need more days to give you an equal amount of work time as your classmates.

OK. In summary:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an “excuse” - it’s just a reason you didn’t or can’t do something and we shouldn’t attach negative connotations to that. But I know what you mean when you say you don’t want it to sound like an excuse, so ways to avoid that include:

1. Make your needs clear BEFORE you need them. (I realise you’re already in the situation, but note for future) If you’ve already told someone about a potential problem, it will not sound made-up to them when you bring it up during a deadline.

2. Make them trust you. Show them that you wouldn’t lie. If they think you are an excellent student/employee/citizen/etc, they will not see you as having a reason to make up some excuse. Why would you when you’re normally so diligent and enthusiastic?

3. Explain the WHY (I do and learn things slower because...) and offer solutions by explaining HOW they help (More time would mean...)

This was an extremely long answer... Not sure I could read it all in one hit myself, tbh! :p Might be pushing that ten page limit.

Good luck, Anonymous Friend. I hope some of this is helpful to you.

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

[onebangtanstan]

Power Style - Chapter Twelve : The group

I am in shock. Everyone is turning to me, following his gaze. They're starting to understand what is going on.

"KIM NAMJOON ARE YOU SERIOUS???" I'm yelling.

Yoongi tries to catch me as I start walking angrily towards Namjoon. As I'm arriving near him, I extend my arm and point my finger at him.

"You and me. Outside. Now."

He follows me out, and we're now facing each other once again. This is starting to become a habit. The cold doesn't even bother me at this point, my body is so hot from the rage.

I put a distance between us to be able to fully look at him while I spit my anger. He's standing as if nothing was wrong, with his hands still in his pockets, smirking at me.

I start scolding him.

"How could you do this?! You know how photoshoots work. And you just randomly decide to change your whole aesthetic?! As if it couldn't have waited until tomorrow?!" I am telling him off as if we was my child. I barely see the boys come out, I am too focused on him. "This is my job, and probably the biggest account I've ever done, and the only thing you seem interested in is how to fuck it up for me! What the fuck did I ever do to you?!" I can't see anything but his smirk at this point, which only enrages me more. I can't stop. "You are the most arrogant, annoying, disrespectful, ungrateful-" I vaguely hear someone call out my name "-cockiest piece of-"

"GINA!" I finally turn around to the sound of Jin calling me. He's standing right beside me. "Don't give into him." He whispers, looking deep into my eyes. He's right. I start to realize what I've just done.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No. What did I just do?" Jin takes me in his arms, which instantly heats me up. I didn't realize it but my body is numb from the cold.

"Breathe, Gina, breathe." Tae and Kook are beside us now too.

"Dude, even I wouldn't have went that far, and that's saying something." I hear Jimin talking to Namjoon.

Hobi is on the phone and soon hands his phone to Namjoon. Someone is obviously on the line, because I immediately hear a voice coming out of the device. Given the look on his face, he's probably being told off by someone above him, and he doesn't seem happy about it.

"Are you okay?" Hobi asks, arriving near our little crowd. "Do you need anything?"

I think of something. Something I haven't done in a very long time. But it's the only thing I can think of right now.

"Um.. I don't know.. I think I.." Why am I embarrassed? "To be honest I thinks I need a cigarette." I can tell that they weren't expecting this, but I see no judgement on their faces.

"Don't move." says Kook before running off to the parking lot.

He's back a few seconds later with a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

"They're all yours. My drivers treat." I smile at him.

"Could I have some time alone guys?" They all nod, Jin takes me in his arms once again and proceeds to give me his coat.

As they walk back inside, I start looking for a place where I can sit down. Once that's done, I hold the packet in my hand and stare at it for a long time. Fuck it. I take one out and light it up, feeling the nicotine spread to my body.

I sit there and smoke my cigarette while staring ahead of me, contemplating what I just did. I hope this doesn't cost me the account, or even my job. I royally fucked up on this one, I never should have snapped that way at him. He's my fucking client.

I hear footsteps coming towards me, making my eyes focus again. I see Namjoon walking towards me.

"Please, just go." I tell him.

"I just want a light." What? He smokes? "Don't make that face, it's one cigarette here and there. Plus, I don't owe you anything. Give me the lighter."

"You do owe me this campaign." I start. "As for the rest, I agree. But it's not an excuse to treat my like shit."

"Please may I have your lighter?" He says ironically.

I simply lift my eyes up, handing him it. I can't get mad again.

I look up at him while he takes his first puff. Ok, he's hot. The hair colour really suits him, but it doesn't excuse the fact that he did it in the middle of shooting a campaign.

"Gina," The tone he's using startles me. I've never heard him talk to me like that, calmly, no anger in his voice. "I was just on the phone with my boss. I would like to apologize for what I did. I know it could have compromised all the work you've done." Sounds like a fake apology, but ok I'll take it.

"Look, Namjoon. We don't have to like each other. It's what I told you yesterday. But we are going to have to find a way to work together. We'll be seeing each other everyday for the next 6 months or so, and I can't be in this state of mind every time we see each other. And I most certainly can't fuck this account up, if I didn't already, it would jeopardize my entire career."

"Don't worry about that, the blame is on me." This feels weird. It's the first time we're talking without fighting. "As for work, I agree. What if we don't talk unless it's about Fila and the promotion? Would that work out?"

"Yeah I guess. We don't have a reason to talk other than that so yes." Wow. That was mature of him. "But it doesn't fix your hair problem."

"I'm an ass, I'm not stupid. I had a wig made exactly like how my hair looked yesterday."

That fucker. So it really was just to piss me off. He wanted to make a grand entrance, and he wanted that reaction of me. I swear t- Stop. Don't start again.

I simply stand up, finish my second cigarette -that I lit up unconsciously- and head back inside.

The atmosphere is tense when I walk in, and all heads turn to me. I sense a general relief when they see that I have calmed down.

"All right guys, we're shooting today. We've lost enough time, so let's speed everything up to finish in time." I direct to my staff.

The boys are almost done with makeup, while Namjoon is heading towards them, his wig in his hand.

"You are such an asshole." Jimin snarks

30 minutes go by, and we are all set to go. We start shooting, but we can still sense the tension in all of their faces.

"Guys, it's not working." I let them know. "Let's take a 15 minutes brake, have a coffee, some food, some air, I don't know, but let's all come back with a good energy, okay?"

Everyone scatters around the room. I sit down on my chair and just stare vaguely at the set up. A cup of coffee appears in my vision. The hand holding it is attached to Jin. He's standing beside me, Yoongi, Hoseok, Tae and Kook around him.

"Thank you" I smile at him as I grab the cup.

"What do you need Gina? We'll do anything to make your life easier." Jin is now kneeling down beside me.

I think for a bit but know exactly what has to be done. "Could you make us laugh?"

"WorldWide Handsome, at your service, you know?" I giggle. I knew this could lift my mood.

For the rest of the brake, I just watch Jin head over to each crew member, asking them if they know BTS. Kook is back to being the carefree boy he usually is, Tae and Hobi are having a dance battle with Yoongi as a judge.

From the side of my eye I can Jimin and Namjoon near the toilet, but don't pay too much attention to them. I focus on the others.

"All right people, let's get back into it!" Everyone takes their places, and we can already feel the mood has lifted up. Jin keeps telling jokes the whole time we shoot, making everyone relax as time goes by.

We take all the pictures we need before lunch. The company has ordered a bunch of food for us, and while we're waiting for it to arrive, I have a look at this mornings' shots. They are very good. I can see each of their personalities in them, but also their complicity. I stare at one particular pictures of them, and I think it will be the main visual for the campaign. I guess Jin had just made a joke, making Jungkook and himself laugh. The others all have a little smile on their faces. They look really cute.

"Hey, they're good looking men." Jin is looking over my shoulder. He points at himself. "Especially this guy."

"He's Jin from BTS, do you know them?" I smile at the sound of his laugh "He's known as WorldWide Handsome."

"I can see why." He answers.

The food finally arrives, and we all dig in. Well, almost all of us. I see Jimin roaming near the buffet, trying to decide what to go for. He ends up putting his plate back down and grabbing a apple and a bottle of water.

We finish eating and start cleaning up behind ourselves. I notice the apple on the table, half-eaten, and no Jimin. This is fucked up. He looks great, why does he do that to himself? I shouldn't say that, I know why he does that. Part of the reason I became an addict in the first place was because I thought I was fat. Nope, not going to think about that. I quickly clear my mind and focus on the filming part we have to do this afternoon.

The boys get changed while we arrange the set for the filming. I gather everyone around, staff and band, to give my directions.

"Okay everyone, we don't have much time to do this, and we will most likely have to do only one take per person. I'm gonna need everyone to put out their best work in order to make everyone else's lives easier. Do we all know what we have to do? Okay perfect, we can do this guys!"

Everyone rushes to their place, while I fill the boys in on what I'm going to need from them. They take place in front of the camera.

"Are we all ready? Aaand Action!"

We film all afternoon. Everything goes smoothly and I feel very relieved knowing we'll be done today. The only thing left will be the editing, and we'll be spending all weekend on that.

"We have everything we need guys! Thanks so much everyone, it's wrap!" I start clapping at my team, and everyone tags along.

I then head to the band.

"Thank you, you were brilliant today." Well almost. Thanks Namjoon. "I'll keep you updated during the weekend on how the editing is going. You can go now, thanks again."

As they head back to the dressing room, I start helping my team pack everything up. We have to empty the whole place since we won't be needing it anymore. I notice Namjoon and Jimin leave, but to my surprise, the others are helping out.

"Hey, no you don't have to do that."

"We said we wanted to make your life easier. This helps you all leave sooner." Jin says, as he picks up a cable.

"Yeah, and you and I have plans, so I'm staying until you're done. Might as well help out." Hobi tells me.

"Thank you guys, I really appreciate it."

We all get back to cleaning up, and we're done in about 30 minutes.

The crew leaves one by one with their respective equipment, but I have to stay until everyone is gone.

Jin comes up to me. "I have to go, but call me tonight?" He's holding my face in his hands. I nod and smile back at him, he answers with a kiss on my forehead. Yoongi leaves with him, and simply waves goodbye at me from afar.

Tae and Kook both give me a hug goodbye not long after Jin left. "Dinner at mine on Monday? To celebrate the launch." Tae asks.

"Absolutely!" I tell him.

Everyone is gone now, expect for Hobi who is just sitting on the floor. "Are we good to go?"

I check one last time if everything is in order, grab my stuff, and head out the door. I lock it behind me and turn to him, a smile on my face. "Let's go."