#it is almost 2021 why are we still having this conversation

[hyewka]

idk if this is allowed but,

threesome with yeonjun and beomgyu

⭑ fetish! | c.yj & c.bg ࿐

⭑ synopsis; when a late night conversation with soju and beer transforms into the calling out of choi beomgyus historical pattern of hook up bluffs the attention eventually shifts to you and your sex endeavors.

⭑ warnings; inexperienced!reader, sort of soft dom!yj & switch!gyu, cunninglingus, gagging, throat fuck, cum eating, unsafe sex, creampie, basically all of them are drunk to some degree, iffy word choice with consent but its all definitely consensual, doll/baby petname, childhood best friends/college au

⭑ note; i don’t know how to feel about this at all and i feel like i might wake up one day and just randomly despise it with my entire being but here is a threesome fic long overdue on this blog, take it with what you will because this might just be the last time i ever attempt to challenge my skills 😭

⭑ send in a small prompt with the format of (member) + (nsfw prompt) and ill write you a small drabble!

“So what if we didn’t go all the way, I still got to eat her out. Which she loved F.Y.I.”

Yeonjun snorts, downing his drink. “Dude you’re such a loser.”

“Just say you don’t get bitches like I do.”

You don’t mean to, but that’s what breaks your nonchalance, cracking up like that was the funniest thing you’ve heard.

Like clockwork, both of their heads turn to you expectantly, as if remembering that you’re here with them and you know you just messed up. Maybe if you keep looking at your phone they’d know to leave you alone.

This has been a thing since highschool; their dumb Who Gets More Action wars that served almost no purpose but to stroke their young male egos. More times than you could count, you’re for some reason sucked in as the end all be all judge even if there were others present they could go and bother with details of their sex life.

You’re not letting that happen tonight. You will not become Simon Cowell of who fucks more.

“Hey,” Beomgyu starts nudging you with his feet, annoyingly persistent. “Hey hey, get off your phone, what are you laughing at?”

Yeonjun easily swipes your phone from your hands making you throw your head back groaning. God, to hell with him. “Give it back!” you whine. He shrugs, stuffing your phone in his pockets. Asshole.

You glare at him with murder on your mind, but all that gets you is a condescending pout thrown your way.

“Ughhh I’m going to throw up, stop with the flirting.”

You throw your plastic cup at Beomgyu’s face, and he flinches back in the most dramatic sense ever. “Bitch.” you mutter.

Yeonjun ignores Beomgyu’s comment altogether. “Everyone knows I get more bitches than you Beomgyu. That’s why she laughed. Plus, you make up shit all the time.”

“I do not.”

“You do. You lied about Yoo Jimin.” You recall, giving up on getting your phone back.

Yeonjun makes a sound of remembrance, clasping his hands together. “That was actually so funny. Yoo Jimin. You’ve lost your mind.”

Beomgyu shoots you a betrayed look, “No way you believe his propaganda! We literally had sex! Halloween 2021!”

You give him a skeptical look, brows raised. Beomgyu could fool anyone, but he can’t fool Yeonjun, let alone you. Beomgyu and Jimin? Didn’t make sense. Not on Earth at least.

“That’s one person anyway who cares.” he mutters.

“Ryujin.” You name. “She’s lesbian Gyu. Even when she was questioning she would’ve rather killed herself than let a man touch her.”

Yeonjun barks into laughter, leaning into you. “Ryujin of all people is fucking mental man.”

“Two people, still very little.” he counters.

Was that a challenge? If he wanted to play this game, you would be an expert.

“Jihyo, Miyeon—”

“I fucked Miyeon.”

“Yeah but you said she let you fuck her in the ass, which! She revealed never happened.”

He gasps in horror, face dropped, like that had to be the most offensive thing hes heard.

“I literally have proof it happened, holy shit Miyeon’s a pathological liar.” Beomgyu fumbles his phone, eyes laser focused as his thumb swipes in rapid speed. You snicker, he’s such an idiot. You know he’ll turn up empty but hes on a mission so you let him be.

“Can you pass me the beer?” you mutter lazily, feeling the alcohol hit you now, making a grabbing motion to the can far from your reach.

“Sure you want more?” Yeonjun whispers, with a similarly lazy slur to his words.

You were all clearly buzzed out, sprawled on the floor of your living room, your table pushed to the side with multiple beer cans crushed in a mess. It’s your version of heaven— a little sad maybe, but it was the perfect mix of mundane and fun to you.

“Just beer.” You reply.

He nods, grabbing it for you and instinctively twisting the cap open. Hes’ always been like that, an acts of service sort of guy. The small flex of his veins when he does it is something you silently take note of. You’re so far gone with your small crush on him.

You clear your throat, snapping yourself out of it. “Thanks. Are you gonna give me back my phone or?”

He pretends to think it over, before clicking his tongue. “Nah, later.”

You roll your eyes, taking a sip from your can.

“We don’t get to hangout like this often, missed it y’know? So you can hold off your phone addiction for a bit and stop acting bratty.” he teases.

“Aye aye captain.”

He tuts at you, nudging your shoulder. “I literally cringe internally every time you say that.”

You hum, looking over at Beomgyu. Who is incredibly tense, almost frozen. “Why’d you stop scrolling?”

Maybe Yeonjun saw what you saw, Beomgyu’s face incredibly red, and eyes so weirdly fixed on his phone because he immediately scoots to him, nosy to take a look at his phone screen.

You study Yeonjun’s face. His brows slowly rise. And the only thing he says is “Damn.”

“What?” you ask, curiosity peaked. Nobody answers though, seemingly hypnotised by whatevers on Beomgyus screen.

Yeah, thats enough for your lazy ass to get up and see what they’re looking at.

…To say it’s not what you expect at all is an understatement.

The video playing has no audio, but the visual splayed out in Beomgyu’s hand is all it takes for your thighs to rub instinctively. The phone was obviously placed by the bedside, the view a little tilted, the girl with her face pressed onto the sheets as Beomgyu fucks into her mercilessly unrecognisable, the bed quite literally shaking to match his rhythm. Your face grows hot, and your throat dries, the video looks old because his hair is longer, messier, something that looked like it was from freshman year.

You’re surprised, it’s more than real. He really was going at it.

“I’m fucking her ass here.”

Holy shit. That must’ve hurt like a bitch.

“How would we know it’s Miyeon though?” Yeonjun says, eyes set on the screen.

Beomgyu forwards the video towards the end and lets it play—its the part where he picks up the phone and holds the girls head up by her hair, turning her over, capturing her face fucked out, a mix of spit and cum evidently all over, but more than that, its Miyeon’s face covered in filth.

You bite down on your lips, nervously looking at Beomgyu—who catches your stare. “What?”

You shake your head, dismissing him.

Truth is, this might’ve been the most you’ve seen from Beomgyu in this light. The light that you’ve heard plenty of, but obviously never thought you’d actually…see. Hes always been slutty, especially with him being infamous for his gross PDA on campus, but seeing it—seeing him actually fucking the light out of someone…you gulp down the lump stuck in your throat.

“You’re a freak dude.” Yeonjun says, laughing.

“But not a liar.”

“Nah you’ve yet to prove Jimins, wheres the tape?”

“You just wanna see her getting railed, touch luck bitch.” Beomgyu closes his phone making you realise you were still staring. “Hey, you good? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Beomgyu shifts his attention to you, making you nervous, shrugging his concern off.

Yeonjun speaks for you instead, a smirk plastered on his face. “She’s a virgin, basically saw something worse than a ghost.”

God, this again!

“I’m not a virgin holy shit Yeonjun!”

“I’m not a virgin holy shit Yeonjun.” He mimics annoyingly high pitched and you groan.

“I’m not. I’ve had multiple boyfriends before.”

“Three.” Beomgyu says, “You’ve had three boyfriends.”

“All very long and fruitful relationships, mind you.”

Yeonjun leans back on the couch, stretching his arms behind his back and you know this is a sign that he’s going to be a little bitch about this. “How far have you went?”

“All the way.” you glare back challengily, sipping on your beer.

“Had someone nut in your ass?”

You snap your head to Beomgyu in horror, upper lip quirked. Of course he’d be curious about that. “Damn I’m taking that as a no.”

You force a smile and flip him off rightfully. The little bitch sticks his tongue out at you in retaliation and you have half the mind to not smack him.

“Have you done it without a condom?”

You narrow your eyes at that. Yeonjun’s awfully curious, way too curious for someone whos never been curious. Seriuously, he’d be the last person to care for your sex life. Maybe Beomgyu—totally Beomgyu, but not Yeonjun.

“Is this an interrogation?”

Yeonjun shrugs.

“I—okay, I haven’t. I bet you guys haven’t either.” You immediately regret saying that, it’s obvious they’ve done something so trivial. And its even made more obvious when both of them start laughing maniacally.

Your face runs red, resorting to chugging more beer.

Beomgyu rests his head on your lap suddenly and you quirk your brow down at him. “What? Your thighs are comfortable.”

You narrow your eyes at him, skeptical of what exactly he’s trying to pull until Yeonjun’s asking you questions again after calming down from his laughing fit.

“Gotten fingered?”

“Well no shit.”

Beomgyus attention is piqued, “You have?”

“How else am I supposed to…you know..get prepped?” you say, coughing around the word.

Beomgyu snorts, “You just did the most virgin thing ever oh my god.”

“That’s why I don’t believe a single thing coming out of her mouth.”

“I’m not a virgin.” you say for the umpteenth time. When they both exchange silent looks, you clear your throat. “But, I might be a little…inexperienced. That’s it though, I’m not a virgin. I’ve had sex…like twice.”

Beomgyu shoots up, making you jump in shock. “Twice?!” he shouts. He looks at you like you might’ve just led the saddest life of the entirety of human history.“And three boyfriends? The math isn’t…”

“Well one of them believed pre-marital sex would have us damned so—”

“Oh yeahh, your Christian boy Mark.” Yeonjun marvels. “That guy was a total bitch.”

Yeah, Mark. The guy you thought you’d end up marrying someday, until he decided to cheat with an anal whore as you call it. Cheating on you in broad daylight, in the apartment you shared wasn’t enough, he tried to mansplain the difference between anal virginity and vaginal virginity right after he was caught.

You shudder remembering the scene.

“A little unrelated but I always sort of thought you guys fucked.” Beomgyu starts, breaking the silence. “Like at least once.”

You sigh, he’s never letting this sexual tension bullshit thing go. If anything, Yeonjun probably saw you in the least sexual light possible. Unfortunately. “No. No we haven’t Beomgyu, we keep telling you this.”

“You” He points a finger at you, “Keep telling me this. Not him. That’s suspicious.”

Yeonjun doesn’t say anything even as both you and Beomgyu stare at him— he just mixes his soju and beer together for another shot.

You relent, speaking up. “Yeonjun tell him we haven’t fucked so he can stop insinuating that we’re freaks behind closed doors 24/7.”

Beomgyu snickers at that, still toying with the fabric of your shorts. You think it’s just out of habit.

“Yeah, we haven’t.” Yeonjun finally confirms.

You widen your eyes at Beomgyu to taunt him, getting all up on his face, nonverbally celebrating an I told you so. He just rolls his eyes at you, a dumb smile on his face.

“But I want to.”

…What.

That has both you and Beomgyu frozen, his smile slowly dropping before he turns to face Yeonjun.

Your mind works overtime trying to process whether you heard that right, did it have any hints of a joke, why couldn’t you pick up on it then? Or whether all your life you’ve read it all wrong—is it the drinks speaking or? But drunk words are sober thoughts…right? Is he just-

“Huh?” Beomgyu’s the one to ask for a clarification first.

He only shrugs, proving that none of you heard him wrong. “I wanna fuck her. I mean, you’re hot I’m not being unreasonable.”

You don’t know how to respond without sounding like an even more awkward virgin, so you stay silent, trying to make sense of it in your own head. But when you catch Beomgyu slowly nodding from your peripheral vision like what Yeonjun’s saying makes sense, you painfully nudge him.

He whines, defending himself almost immediately. “What? He’s not wrong, you’re mega hot now.”

You squeeze your eyes shut irritated, “Don’t—god, don’t ever say ‘mega hot’ again.”

Beomgyu mumbles something intelligible, something that sounded like one of his sulky protests that you just ignore as the room falls silent again. Yeonjun seems completely unbothered of the atmosphere, drinking his somaek like this was just another normal day, like he didn’t just air out something that could potentially completely flip your entire dynamic.

The tension is thick, and it suddenly feels way too hot to be here anymore but then Beomgyu speaks up again. “Do you know how to suck a dick?”

You snort, not answering as you keep your eyes on the floor.

But it’s impossible to ignore him when he keeps staring at you, almost too intensely for a question you thought was to break the tension. You look to his face, and there’s no sign of lightheartedness anywhere. He was seriously asking. “So? Do you?”

You decide to humor him, anything to get over this suffocating silence. “Sort of.”

Yeonjun chuckles, “What does ‘sort of’ mean?”

You roll your eyes, frankly irritated that he’s even speaking right now. “Sort of means I can, but I don’t know if I’m …good at it.”

He hums in understanding, nodding. “Wanna test your skills out right now?”

Your eyes bulge out, blinking rapidly as you look at Yeonjun in shock. Did he seriously just…say that? Your face grows even hotter as you stutter around a response.

But before you could even form a proper response, Beomgyu says something first, whining into his hands. “I literally cannot be the only one really fucking turned on right now.”

At his words, your eyes instinctively look down to his pants and god, he wasn’t kidding. You don’t know how you haven’t noticed until now, but the imprint of his dick building a tent in his sweatpants has you looking away like you’ve just seen the most sinful thing ever. You don’t miss the small patch of wetness at the top either. You rub your thighs together again, this time you curse your body for reacting because most of their attention was collectively on you now.

Meaning, they would inevitably notice small details.

And that they did. Yeonjun laughs, but it has laces of mean-spiritedness that has your brain frying at a faster speed. “You aren’t the only one. Our little dolls’ horny as shit too, aren’t you? Look at you rubbing your thighs for just the little bits of friction.” Yeonjun says the last part with a pout, so condescendingly, his eyes heavy lidded with what you’re sure is lust.

That gets Beomgyu’s attention, who was lost in his own dilemma, who’s close enough to touch you, to do something, and that has you more nervous than the time you had to present an unfinished slideshow to the harshest professor in your major.

Your throat is dry again, and you can’t seem to get out a word no matter how hard you try. Beomgyu licks his lips momentarily, staring at you, waiting for something, maybe a cue? You don’t know, but they’re both definitely waiting.

Beomgyu’s impatient, and shameless, if that wasn’t already obvious enough. With a rasp to his voice, he whispers, “God, I really wanna touch you right now.”

And you whisper back, like this was secret gossip you’d exchange between yourselves at recess about who was mean to who, who liked who, except this time you’re all grown up, and he’s asking to…touch you. You look behind Beomgyu, Yeonjun very much invested in what’s happening makes you on the fence. “But it’ll—it’ll get…weird. Like, between us.”

Beomgyu’s quick to counter. “No, no it won’t, I promise. Everything’s going to be the exact same. Just baby, please. Let me take care of you.”

The use of a petname again has you biting down on your lips. You search his eyes, and he looks so…desperate, the sudden switch baffling to you, so different from how you usually see him. Is this how he gets with the girls he fucks? It’s so hot, you’ve never been met with this much enthusiasm.

Your feelings heighten even more when he whispers again at your silence, “Please, I’m dying here.”

You let out a breath you were holding in, nodding, “Okay, it’s—it’s okay. You can. Touch me I mean.”

This is the absolute last thing in the world you’d ever expected, like ever. Beomgyu touching you, ministrating your breasts roughly with his big hands through your top, kneeling between your legs, kissing all over from your jaw to your neck like he hasn’t gotten action in decades. It’s like everywhere, your skin scorches, every inch—and he’s so fiery, so harsh with his squeezes and bites that you’re so unprepared for, so unprepared in fact that your eyes already brim with tears, head becoming light with too much stimulation in too little time as you feel him play with your shorts in attempt to take them off.

Suddenly, Beomgyu’s shoved off you completely, having him fall on his ass with a thud. Your eyes fly open in worry, only to be met with Yeonjun way closer to you than earlier. “Dude, calm down you’re going too fast.”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes irritably, “You know you could’ve told me that without fucking throwing me off her, right?”

“Like your ass would listen.” Yeonjun mutters, refocusing his attention to you, “Come on, get up on the couch doll, I’ll show you how its done.”

You’re hesitant. You’re okay with messing around with Beomgyu—you are because he’s the best friend that you have zero romantic feelings for, but Yeonjun? You already have this…tiny crush on him that has been fostering since the dawn of times, a light lit then dimmed for years throughout the time you’ve known him…would this not set it on a full blown out fire? Are you ready to risk getting your rocks off to find out?

Yeonjun calls your name again, snapping you out of your reverie. “If you don’t want to I’m not gonna…”

“No no, um—sorry I was just, like, thinking. Sure.” you choke out, cheeks red.

Fuck it.

You situate yourself on the couch like he instructed, looking at Beomgyu for a second in semi-panic, but that horndogs too far gone to properly communicate with you through telepathy so you’re left a puddle, a little jittery as you nervously pick at the thread of the old couch, preparing yourself for whats to come.

Yeonjun smiles, slotting himself between your legs. “I’m gonna take it slow, ‘kay? Tell me if it becomes too much and I’ll stop.”

You nod, taking a deep breath then out to calm your nerves. You don’t have to help him out with pulling your shorts down, it’s like he’s so experienced that he knows how to get around it without you doing much. Which doesn’t help to make you relax…at all. He’s experienced, and you’re not. That’s a cause of a million worries running through your mind at the moment.

The air that had felt so hot earlier, feels cool now, and you shudder a little. “You’re drenched doll, that’s cute.”

Beomgyu finally sits himself next to you, hand on his crotch, slowly rubbing it out as he stares at what Yeonjun sees, craning his neck to get a good look. And you feel…so exposed, it makes your ears red with a mix of shame and arousal as you squeeze your eyes shut.

You jolt a little when you feel his tongue poking at your entrance through your panties—he’s slow as he licks up your slit, soaking your underwear more and more.

“Any of your boyfriends ever eat you out?” Beomgyu asks, hand squeezing his cock through his sweats, before having the genius idea of replacing his with yours—his warm hands resting on yours, guiding you to press down harder on his boner. As if he’s showing you—making you feel how big he is.

You shake your head to his question, and he airs out a chuckle. God, you really want to slap yourself for finding that so attractive. “Of course. Might as well be a real virgin.”

You want to retort back, you really do, because god forbid Beomgyu have the last word, but it's impossible when Yeonjun hooks his finger to push your underwear to the side because you're a goner, a goner the minute you feel his warm breath on your skin, and even worse when you feel his tongue lapping at your core, the direct contact making you gasp out a moan, jolting you awake, clearing your drunk daze.

"Yeonjun, Yeonjun shit-" you don't mean to tighten your grip on Beomgyu, but you do in response to Yeonjuns stimulation which has him hiss, bucking into your touch.

"Do that again. Harder. Touch me baby, yeah, just like that." He babbles, holding onto your wrist, groaning when you oblige, wrapping your hand on his clothed shaft and squeezing the base.

Yeonjun looks at you through lidded eyes, his hands firmly keeping your legs apart, nose brushing against your clit every so often to tease before he finally decides to flatten his tongue against it, finger prodding at your entrance at the same time, making you inexpectantly arch your back, moaning. "F-fuck Jjun!"

You could feel the smirk, the cockiness radiating off him— it oozes even, it's so evident he likes this dynamic, you so reactionary to each little thing he does.

Beomgyu helps you palm his dick before he finally relents, too horny out of his mind, shoving your hand down his pants, making you feel his hot dick, so sticky and wet, it's lewd. "'Move your hand baby, c'monnn. Good girl." He groans, trying to guide you to a speed he finds fitting.

You start getting the hang of it, your hand jerking off his dick without help even as you're practically dumbed out with Yeonjun's tongue working at your sex, trying to purposefully make you lose your mind.

“Pussy so good doll, so good.” his words muffle against your core and it sends a vibration that has your pace falter.

Suddenly, Yeonjun detaches, making you feel terribly empty, and horrible because you were sure you were close. Before you could complain, your eyes widen at him unbuttoning his jeans, dropping them to the floor to have his cock flinging out of his boxers. He gives it a couple strokes, breathing heavy as he stares at your pussy. Wet with his spit, messy. He groans, biting his lips raw and you’ve just never felt so much as a prey until now. “Gonna fill you up soon, don’t worry doll.”

“Pay attention to me too,” Beomgyu whines, kissing your neck again, the space under your earlobe, his teeth grazing against your skin, just begging to have your attention. “Unfair if it’s only him.” he breathes, kissing and kissing and kissing, until he decides to move up to your lips, taking you up a wind as you jerk his dick off faster.

His whines and mewls melt into the sloppiness of the kiss and god is it the hottest thing ever, shit.

Yeonjun basically breaks the kiss by pushing Beomgyu off of you again, and if you had half the mind to think, you would’ve caught the irritation radiating off Beomgyu at Yeonjuns constant cock blocking.

You can’t think now, not when Yeonjun’s lining his dick up with your hole, feeling his hot tip prodding and your pussy fluttering around nothing to suck him in. “Ready? Relax yourself so it’ll feel good, ‘kay?”

You nod, humming.

“Words princess.”

“I’m—I’m ready Jjunie.”

He gives you a crooked grin, fingertips digging into the plush of your hips.

You try, you really do, you try giving them both an experience but the more Yeonjun pushes himself in you, the slower your hand becomes until you finally let go, breathing heavy at the inexplicable feeling of just…fullness. When he’s flush and snug against your core, completely inside you, he relishes, he stays there, eyes fluttering closed with his face so, so close to yours.

And he whispers to you, words Beomgyu can’t possible hear even if he wishes to, and even words you could’ve missed if you weren’t so in tune with every single sense that you’re feeling right now.

“Wish he wasn’t here when I could finally have you.”

You’re driven over the edge, not even given the time to process, before he’s drilling his dick into you—in then back, slowly before he’s building up to snapping his hips, having you gasp in shock at each thrust. You let the stray tear run down, hell, at this point you’re giving all autonomy of your body to the two boys right now, you’re not in control of anything anymore.

“Tight, so tight and warm,” he groans, getting faster, “Shoulda prepped you more, huh? Fuckin’ tighter than a virgin, can barely move.” He laughs breathy.

You just nod, nod at whatever filthy shit he says, tightening your grip on the couch, squeezing your eyes shut at how the pain just bleeds into the pleasure. You’ve never had it like this with your past boyfriends, it never felt like this.

Suddenly, you feel something hot poking at your cheek which spurs you to open your eyes. Your eyes damn near almost bulge out at Beomgyu’s size, cock insistently trying to move past your lips.

“Want your mouth, please, fuck.”

Can you even take that in your mouth?

He doesn’t wait for your contemplation, that’s not Beomgyu’s thing. He does it anyway, managing to slide his dick in your mouth, not even letting you get used to it like Yeonjun had even when he’s a lot bigger, pushing all the way in. He throws his head back, groaning curses as you gag around his length, breathing restricted.

“God you’re so hot like this, princess. Taking my cock so well,” he growls, moving his hips to fuck your mouth. Your eyes water, burning as the taste of him overpowers your senses— all of that paired with Yeonjun’s rhythm getting rougher and more frantic has you lose yourself in ecstasy you don’t think you can handle.

You think you might just faint.

“Have you always been like this? So good at sucking cock, slutty throat just waiting to be stuffed with dick?” Beomgyu rambles filth, losing himself faster than Yeonjun, looking down at you with so much hunger. You return his gaze, blinking up at him innocently, as if to disagree. You’re not slutty, you aren’t.

But that seems to spur him on a completely different direction, like something snapped inside him, cursing loudly as he ruthlessly starts fucking into your mouth. Your mind clouds, dizziness setting in as you feel Yeonjun attach his lips to your nipple through your flimsy top, sucking harshly, making a mess of your shirt with his spit.

You garble around Beomgyu’s dick, trying to say something but it only comes out intelligible and like complete nonsense, it’s humiliating.

“God, you’re sucking me in so greedily, want me to fill you up with my cum so bad, huh?”

Yeonjun slaps your ass and you jolt again, snot and mascara running down your face. He starts kneeding your cheeks, snapping into you rougher, and somehow deeper, you fucking lose it. “You want it so bad, right? Say something baby, or I won’t give it to you.”

You nod, mouth still stuffed with Beomgyu’s cock, who he isn’t intent on stopping any time soon.

It’s enough for Yeonjun you guess because before you know it, you feel hot substance shoot up, filling you to the brim with his cum, still pumping it in even as your orgasm washes over you. You’re beyond overstimulated, especially when Beomgyu cums around the same time, his hot load forcing its way down your throat.

He holds your head against his abdomen, groaning the more he defills you. “Fuck if you do that I might just fall for you,” he growls, voice down octaves, fixating his eyes on how your throat gulps down his cum like it’s water at the Sahara. The taste is so strong, you start coughing up some of it out when his dick flops out of your mouth sticky, finally regaining your breath, gasping for air in large amounts, your cunt spilling Yeonjun’s seed onto the couch slowly, dribbling down to the floor to make a mess.

Beomgyu suddenly pushes Yeonjun out of the way to slot himself between your legs, kissing at your pussy.

“Beomgyu, don’t, can’t—stop, too much-” you try reasoning but he doesn’t listen, that brat. He just starts going at it, lapping at the cum spilling, his lips glistening with the wetness, alternating between kissing and licking your cunt. “‘Course you can baby, you can take it.”

You bite down hard on your lips, lightheaded as you look down at the man ravaging your pussy and cleaning you up at the same time.

To hell with that ‘nothing’s going to change’ bullshit promise, something definitely changed tonight and you can’t put your finger around what.

[alexia11luvr]

I Put My Hand On A Star, To See If I Still Bleed

Alexia isn't playing well after returning from her injury and needs to feel something.

(AU where Arsenal and Barça are in the same group in the 2023/24 UWCL)

CW: smut, sub!alexia because there isn't enough of it in this world, strap-on, lil bit of blood

Back during the 2021/2022 season, you and Alexia would hook up all the time. She barely spoke English and you barely spoke Spanish, but during an Arsenal V Barça game, you both felt an attraction for the first time, a connection, and that connection turned into a hook up at a hotel after the game. This happened again after the teams' next meeting, and after that, whenever you were in Spain or she was in England for whatever reason, you two would meet up and hook up at some hotel, always in secret. This was never spoken about between the two of you, whenever you were at award shows, you'd see eachother, perhaps make casual conversation with as much of the other's language as you could, but almost always in the company of other players.

It'd been over a year since the two of you had hooked up, you'd seen eachother at the Euros, but her injury kept you two from doing you usual thing, and there was far too much going on at the World Cup for you two to do it either.

The next time you saw eachother was in a Champions League group stage match in Barcelona. She looked different, her hair was platinum blonde, she looked older, more mature, and the innocence that was in her eyes before was gone. It worried you a little, it made you sad to see her like that, clearly in emotional pain, but there was something about it that attracted you to her- that loss of innocence. She had always been older than you, a good ten years older than you, but you never really noticed it until now, her maturity was showing and you liked it. Everything about the way she looked had lost its innocence, had changed since you last saw her. You didn't know exactly why you liked it so much, why it turned you on so much, but it did.

She scored in the second half after a string of missed shots. It wasn't a brilliant goal, but it was a goal all the same. You watched her as she celebrated, no smile crossed her face like it used to, and as she turned away from the crowd you saw a look of deep contemplation in her eyes as she looked down-

She knew she wasn't in form, not that she could expect to be so soon, but it was still hurting her. She wanted a better goal, several goals. A better game.

Katie scored a few minutes later, bringing the scoreline level, until Aitana scored in the 68th minute, and the match ended like that, Barça 2-1 Arsenal.

You shook hands and hugged after the match, you asked her if she was okay, you hadn't seen her smile the entire time, not even after the final whistle. She hesitated before nodding, and then leaned in closer to you before whispering "What hotel are you in?"

You told her the name of your hotel, as well your room number, letting her know you could do it there. You were lucky that you were rooming alone on this trip, last time you'd had to fuck Alexia in another hotel a few miles away from the team's, and you barely made it back in time before they noticed you were gone.

"No roommate?" she asked.

"No, we have the room to ourselves, the whole night."

"Ten O'Clock." she said.

"I'll see you then."

She ran her hand across your waist as she walked away, the first touch of affection you'd gotten from her in a long time, and you needed it. You missed that feeling more than anything, it was like a drug- the strongest drug you'd ever had.

Ten O'Clock couldn't come soon enough. There was still half an hour to go. You were talking with the girls in Leah's room, and you couldn't stop glancing at your watch, lamenting how slowly the hands were moving.

"Why do you keep checking your watch?" Katie asked.

You looked up, like a deer caught in headlights.

"Um, I dunno," you were panicking, "I think it's broken, the hands aren't moving right, I'm gonna go get my digital one."

This was a lie of course, there was nothing wrong with your watch, but you did need to get out of the room for a moment and make sure everything was ready in yours.

You opened the door to find Alexia on the bed, who sat up quickly as the door opened.

"What are you doing here? It's not ten yet."

Alexia didn't say anything, instead she quickly lifted herself off the bed and walked towards you pulling you in for a kiss, her hands grabbing your shirt just below the collar. The kiss was eager and breathy, passionate, and it became clear to you why she was early. You pulled her body in closer, with your hands on the back of her waist. Her lips moved to your neck, making you lose your breath for a moment, her movements still eager and passionate. You toyed with the hem of her shirt, subtly asking for permission, before she took it off herself, tossing it aside. She quickly unbuttoned yours and pulled it off you by running her hands over your shoulders and underneath the fabric, admiring how muscular you were, more so than the last time you'd met. She wasn't the only one who looked more mature.

A slight pause in her movements led you to pick her up and place her on the desk at the side of the room, your hands roamed her thighs as you stood in-between them, and you began to tug at the fabric that was still covering them as you kissed her. As you did, her arms left the position of being wrapped around your neck and travelled down your torso, one landing on your waist and the other over your crotch. Her breath hitched and she pulled away from the kiss as she felt the bulge of what you were packing. It was big, bigger than anything she'd taken before, and she liked that, she needed that. Her eyes darkened sensually, and she gripped it tighter, causing a wave of pleasure to move through you. You backed away from the desk pulling her off of it so she could remove her trousers as you undid your belt and removed yours. She sat herself back on the desk and pulled you in towards her lips. You kissed down her neck and her chest, moving her to lean back slightly as you dipped a finger into her core- she was more than wet enough, it was beginning to coat the insides of her thighs so you knew she needed to be fucked more than anything.

"You ready?" you asked, your voice low.

"Yes." she said, breathlessly, needily. You loved when she spoke English, her strong accent made it so sensual.

You kissed her softly once more before looking down, you held her by the hips and slowly put your cock in her and she groaned at the pain as she wrapped her arms around you, pulling you right into her body. Her whimpers and moans turned you on more than anything, you loved how she sounded when you fucked her. The raw skin on skin contact felt incredible, you loved feeling this close to her, you needed it. With you inside her and her legs wrapped around your waist, you picked her up again and placed her down gently on the bed. You sped up and her whimpers turned into whines, echoing around the room. She bit her lip to try and stop herself, but it didn't help. You slowed down and increased the pressure and depth of your thrusts, which turned her whines into loud, open-mouthed moans. You kissed up her neck and her cheek as you fucked into her, knowing that she would appreciate the intimacy now, given what you were about to do.

You knew how she liked to be fucked, and how she wanted to be fucked, even if she hadn't said it, that was part of your connection, you just knew.

You pulled out of her slowly and whispered in her ear, "Turn over."

She did as she was told, turning over to lay on her stomach. You admired the view infront of you, her muscular back, her thighs, and the best ass you'd ever seen.

You slipped it back in her again, and she moaned, gripping the bedsheets as she did, her hands above her head.

You lowered yourself onto her back, getting that raw skin on skin contact as you rubbed together that you both loved so much.

The friction on her back made her seek friction on her front, desperate for some pressure on her clit, making her moans and whimpers grow louder with overstimulation.

"Shh sh sh." you whispered, stroking her hip, remembering that the other girls were in the room next door.

She quietened slightly, biting the bed sheets.

"That's it, you can take it, you're doing really well." You praised, and she really did deserve it.

"Get up on you knees for me." you said.

She always did as she was told when you had her like this.

She got up on her knees quickly, her back arching and her arms out infront of her, grasping the bed sheets.

"I'm sorry princesa, this is really going to hurt."

You took your cock out, noticing how it was glistening, covered in her arousal, and you slipped it in her ass. She was much tighter there, and you could feel it as you fucked into her. She cried out in both pain and pleasure, and she quickly propped herself up from her elbows onto her hands, unsure how to deal with the intensity of it all. Even between gasps and moans, her mouth remained open.

"You're okay, I've got you." you said, holding onto her hips and rubbing gently with your thumb.

She whimpered, nodding slightly, then dropping her head.

"Good girl."

You kissed up her spine and placed gentle, soft kisses on her hips. Her breathing was shaky and tears began to run down her cheeks, but she didn't want you to stop, not for one second. She hadn't felt this much in months, and she needed it.

You sped up, seeing her body rock back and forth, under your complete and total control, was beautiful. She was beginning to bleed, but she showed no signs of wanting to stop, and you found beauty in that too.

Blood and arousal were dripping onto the bedsheets, not that you cared, all that you cared about was pleasuring Alexia. Seeing her cry from pain and ecstasy was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen, she'd moved back to holding herself up on her elbows and had her hands clasped together, trying to cope with the pain and overstimulation. After a few minutes, you could tell she was getting used to that pain, as her whines and whimpers turned into moans.

You decided it was time to add to her pleasure by placing two fingers into her core. She gasped at their sudden presence, but she was soaked from the inside out and her dripping cunt welcomed you without any resistance.

She moaned in pure ecstasy at your movements inside her, as you were stroking gently with a steady pace matching the one you were fucking her ass with.

Her reactions were becoming more erratic and you knew she was close. She moved her arm from it's position of support and held onto your wrist and hand, pushing you further inside her slightly and giving her more pressure on her clit, as she let her forehead fall to the bed. She was purely in pursuit of pleasure. She looked so gorgeous this way, totally at the mercy of her own body.

You leant down onto her back again.

"You ready to come for me princesa?" you said, pressing open mouth kisses against her back, dragging your teeth across her skin, leaving red marks.

"Ye- yes, please." she said, breathlessly

"Such a good girl, aren't you Ale?" you said, smiling. The question was rhetorical, and she knew that, she knew it was just to remind her of what made her a good girl- being fucked bloody and teary-eyed, crying in pleasure on her knees, desperately holding your hand inside her with your palm against her clit.

She moaned one last time, her jaw slack, eyes closed, head thrown back then dropped forward as her back arched and her legs shook. You slapped her ass hard as she came, adding to her waves of pleasure as you came a moment later. Both yours and Alexia's movements continued through her orgasm as you let her ride it out.

"Look at you, you did so well." you smiled, you were so proud of her, she'd never taken it like that before.

You pulled out of her and discarded the strap, tossing it onto the chair.

She turned around to face you, sitting on the bed with you kneeling in front of her. She wiped tears from her eyes and noticed the bed sheets.

"Did I bleed?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Yeah, you did." you replied, helping her wipe the tears away.

She was still shaking so you pulled her close to you, her head resting on your chest, and you began stroking her hair as she closed her eyes and a final few tears fell gently down her face.

You helped her off the bed as she winced and whimpered from the pain of moving.

"It's okay," you reassured her "it'll hurt less tomorrow."

She held onto you tightly as you helped her move. You pulled back the duvet and helped her lay down slowly. Her breathing was heavy and her whimpers didn't stop. You loved seeing her like this. You got into the bed yourself and pulled the duvet up to cover the pair of you. As soon as you did, she rolled over, seeking contact and comfort from you. She placed a long soft kiss on your lips before laying her head on your chest and placing her hand beside her face, her palm on your skin, right over your heart. She kept her legs closed, it being too painful to open them, and you placed one hand on her back, stroking up and down slowly, and letting the other just rest on her waist. You were both exhausted, and you fell asleep quickly after that.

You were awoken the next morning by the sound of the girls talking next door. You checked the time, it was half past ten, you'd slept for nearly twelve hours. It was then that Katie and Leah suddenly walked into your room, you quickly pulled the duvet over Alexia's head- it was still obvious that you had a woman in bed with you, but at least they wouldn't know who it was, or so you had thought until you remembered there was a jacket with a Barcelona logo on it slung over the chair, which you saw Leah notice as Katie was looking at you.

"So this is why you didn't come back to Leah's room last night- I shoulda known." Katie laughed.

"C'mon Katie, let's leave them be." Leah smiled. Always the more mature out of the pair.

You pulled the duvet back down, revealing Alexia's face, you ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair, and smiled.

[obeymematches]

I saw one of your stories and I got immediately interested by one of them, then I had an idea more like a head Canon maybe-

So you and Solomon are making a potion for class one of the brothers came into the classroom and a big explosion happened one of you and the brothers didn't brace for impact and then suddenly your future child is there I just want to see everybody's reaction or maybe what will they do in that situation (sorry it's a bit weird but yeah that's all I came up with in my head) ^^"

henlo!!! So you sent in this ask almost 3 years ago (may 20th 2021) I'm so so so sorry i didn't reply sooner, you're probably over this by now 😅 but i felt inspired to write it today so here we go 🫶

🌸Meeting your future kid with him🌸

GN MC

Okay so this time Solomon has some homework to do... sending this kiddo back without messing with the future is gonna take time. Until then you must take care of them! You are the parent afterall!!

Lucifer: 4 months old

Not gonna lie it took him the longest to realize it's YOUR baby WITH him! In his defense, babies can look a bit weird. The baby definitely has your mouth, but his eyes and hairline. He didn't see many infant in his life so this is all new! You can literally see his heart melt when the little baby smiles at him! Shares his part with pride, changes diapers, carries the baby around....just take over when the baby is fussy.

MC I can't wait to meet the baby again... I miss them already, isn't that funny?

Mammon: 3yrs old

Your toddler immediately recognized you and Mammon. You and him looked at each other with an awkward stare, his face is as red as it can be- you are definitely not ready for kids!!! The fact that around 3 years old kids looove disobeying on purpose doesn't help. Mammon gets the hang of it though, he looves his little troublemaker! They could play all day long.

I wanna see ya grow up little man- I looove being your dad!

Levi: 8yrs old

Again, the kis recognizes you and him. Right now he keeps telling you he isn't ready for kids and might never be; same as you!! So how did this happen??? Do you must have one in the future??? Thankfully with an 8yrs old you can already have a conversation, play games with, etc so by the time it's over he grows very fond of them.

MC... I think I have changed my mind- having a kid is a lot like having a small best friend!

Satan: 16yrs

Ah. Your child is as upset as any 16 yr old would be in this case, leaving you and Satan no time to think about the fact you made this person. He does his absolute best to stay calm and see things from the kid's POV, but man is it difficult when your teen keeps lying about important stuff, escapes the house as soon as you lower your guard, fights with anyone over and over who doesn't do as they want despite being so so so sensitive... it is tiring.

I wish I could see what they were like as a little kid... why did I think teens were easy?!

Asmo: 13 yrs

Okay he is very quick at recognizing his own kid; he has YOUR and HIS face memorized. Starts sobbing when he realizes what this means; you are going to be parents!! The thought of loving someone sooo much just sends him over the edge. He buys everyone matching clothes, plans so many vacations you are rarely at home, surprisingly good at answering questions your little one has. (Very comforting, builds their confidence as much as he can!!)

MC, how do I look as a parent? You still love me?

Beel: 1 yr old

Okay, it was obvious the baby is a perfect mix of you two; his eyes are definitely yours though! Beel finds this job to be super important so he spends almost all day with the baby. They play peek-a-boo, he helps your kid to learn to walk and eat with hands, carries them on his shoulder when they get tired. Honestly he doesn't want to let them go back.

MC... I think we should have at least 3 kids!"

Belphie: 6yrs

Okay, he never would've thought he'd have a kid with you; first, you are dating someone else right now and second, he doesn't really like kids. So this one's gonna be complicated. His face turns red though as he has always liked you but you made it clear he is not really your type. Co-parenting brought you much closer; you could see how calm he can stay when he wants to, and how smart he actually is especially when the 6 years old doesn't stop with their questions. How it continues after the kid is back in the future is up to you babe!

[riofann]

8. tempestuous

Tempestuous: characterized by strong and turbulent or conflicting emotion.

Previous Chapter

Thursday February 4, 2021

You walk into the bar, it was empty but he was there sitting facing the bartender. 

When he sees you he has a slight smile on his face and pulls the bar stool closer to him (A/N: We all know this infamous scene). 

“You rang?” He smiles but doesn’t say anything “What do you want?” 

He turns to face the bartender before facing you and smiling “Get her a tequila sunrise”  expecting you to object

You turn to face the bartender “a water please” 

The bartender nods and scurries away sensing the tension

“Why don’t you take a seat?” he pulls out the barstool so you could slide in Unphased by his gesture you say “No, let's just get this over with Rio. What do you want?” 

He takes in a deep breath and faces the bar, he hoped that with time you would have calmed down, he did, he had moved past it. 

“I need double the amount” he speaks before taking a sip of his drink 

“For how long?” 

He shrugs “I don’t know yet, I’ll let you know” 

“When do you need this to start?”

“Now” he turns to face you expecting a protest 

“Okay is that it? 

“Yea” he responds with his stoic expression 

With that you spin around and walk away

By the time you make it out the door the bartender had both drinks in hand “Oh uhhhh” 

“It’s alright, comp it” 

“Yes sir” 

Sunday February 14, 2021

“Where’s Rio?” you ask holding onto the bag, he had told you he was going to manage the pick up today 

Your phone vibrates right on cue like he is listening 

The man in front of you scoffs as if it is the most ridiculous question “He got a date today lady, it is valentines duh!” 

“Right” you say looking down at your phone and reading the text 

Rio: Got tied up 

“And I gotta go slap some cheeks so let's get this out the way” he says reaching for the bag 

“Right! Right!” you say handing him the money 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ later that day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And then he took me to this like pop up thing very romantic” Alicia babbles on the phone recounting her date with her boyfriend as you were all on 3 way between yourself,  Gia, and Alicia

“That's good!” Gia comments

“I’m sorry I’ve only talked about me. How was yours? Working?” she asks noticing you hadn’t added much to the conversation 

“Yeaaaa” 

She sighs “Sissy we really would like you to have someone up there” she comments

You sigh back “Sometimes things aren't in the books for all of us Ally” 

“That's not true! What about that guy? What's his name? Christian? No! Christopher! What about Christopher?”

You remain silent 

“Sissy?” 

“Yes”

“Christopher?” Gia asks

You blow out air “Well you know...”  

“Are you two back together?” 

“Ugh” you express in disgust  “no, we just aren’t a good fit for each other” 

“Why would you say that?” Alicia asked 

“It's a hunch but tell me what happened after the pop up”  you ask wanting her to get distracted again and it worked.

After you get off the phone with her not too long after there’s a knock at your front door. You look through your camera to see Rio standing on the opposite side. It was almost midnight. 

“Yes?” you say as you open the door 

He walks past you. “Hey mama” he greets you. You lock the door and follow suit to your usual meeting point in your home. The kitchen. 

“You asked about me” he comments 

You look at him confused, “I asked where you were because you said you would pick up today and I was told you had a date. I gave Antoine the money”

He nods taking a seat by the bar 

“What do you want?” still confused by why he even stopped by 

He dips his head down and laughs to himself 

“Still mad huh?” 

“Nope” emphasis on the p

He looks at you and squints biting back a smile but you could see the dimples 

“How’d your date go?” you ask with your back to him, you feel the urge to just slap him at any moment so you need to distract yourself  He chuckles, “Worried about my love life now?” He asks watching you walk past him to the living room to pause the movie, then back and stand across from him 

“Noooo” You shrug “Just curious” 

He hums “hmm” a pause “How was your date?” 

You scoff “You know damn well I was at the bar making many women happy for their mans last minute date” 

He laughs “Valentine with no date” 

“Yea, well welcome to my life, at least one of us had a good date” you beam at him “got that after glow and all” 

He frowns “What you talking about?” 

You reach and turn his head gently by the jaw “Your date made sure to leave a parting gift” You say as you point out the subtle imprinted pink lips on his neck

He goes to your bathroom to check and you hear the water running which makes you laugh “Aww don’t remove it, it was her gift to you” 

After he is done he leaves without say anything else to you. 

Tuesday March 16, 2021

“I was summoned” you comment as you slide into the bar

“Hello Y/N!”  Nick greets joyfully

“Nick” you greet

“Brother sin...” 

Rio interrupts “Cousin”

Nick playfully rolls his eyes “This guy with semantics”

You take a deep breath. There's silence at the table as you wait for them to tell you the reason for their visit.

“How was valentines last month?” Nick asks

You shrug “I worked, dropped the money, worked again, then I went home” 

He frowns “How sad no date”

“No but I'm sure you were aware of that, so what’s up? Why do we need to talk?” 

Nick holds a sly smirk on his face “a beautiful woman like yourself”

“Nick!”  Rio scolds

“What do you want?” you ask irritated 

Nick turns to face Rio “Well brother“ Rio sighs and looks away. Nick turns to face you “He's being shy”

“Nick” Rio warns

“What brother?” 

“Stop!” he orders 

Nick throws up his hands in surrender “Fine! Fine!” he turns to face you and looks at you for a brief moment before saying  “We want you to proceed with the second location” 

You shake your head “I can't. I can’t do that it's too soon” 

“Well seeing that all of this is your fault”

“Excuse me!?” “Nick!” both you and Rio say in unison 

He smiles “Yea you see, had you not betrayed my family we wouldn't be here in fact the second location would be open right now if it wasn't for you” 

“I was put in a tough position”  you argue 

He tilts his head from side to side “Yeaaaa buuuut” he looks at Rio “brother here told me he gave you an option out of this and you still chose wrong seems to me you are indeed responsible for everything cariño” he speaks adding salt into the wound 

“Nick stop” he shoots daggers with his eyes at him 

You put your hand up to stop Rio “No it's okay I accept” you swallow a lump growing in your throat, you feel your hands shaking in your lap.  You clear your throat before speaking. “It was my fault” you speak confidently “and I paid the ultimate price that I accept. But opening up the second  location right now will not be in the best interest for anyone. The community will not agree to this and feel like I used this as an opportunity and no one will think Cure is the best bar in town an....”

Nick cuts you off “Well that's your problem isn't it?” 

“It's not even a year since she...” 

“We know” he smiles  

You shake your head in disbelief “I won't do it, kill me but I’m not doing it!” you declare

He looks at Rio “you did tell me..” 

“I told you” he says cutting him off visibly irritated with Nick 

Nick turns to face you again “We have to wash more money” He looks between both of you “so one of you needs to come up with a solution for washing double the amount of money!” 

“Get someone else to do it, a different bar a different shop” you offer

He shakes his head “Uh Uh that won’t do cariño, everybody is sloppy you’re not” 

“I can’t wash double if there are no customers” 

He smiles at you “Again that’s a personal problem, it’s what comes with running a business Y/N” 

“No! That’s my final answer!” 

He turns to face Rio “Brother” “Nick” he calls his name jaws taught. You look between them was Nick who he answered to? 

“Yes brother you know she’s the only one” 

“Y/N” Rio calls your name

You gauff “I’m not doing it!  Fuck it I don't care” you pull out your phone “let me just tell my family I love them” 

Rio puts his hand on top of yours to stop you before he turns to look at Nick “We need to find someone else” 

He smiles at Rio “No I want her” 

“It's not gonna work cousin” 

Nick stands up “Brother. Then I suggest you two come up with a solution because whether you like it or not she will be running that second location” 

You watch him leave before you turn to face Rio, he doesn’t say anything, just hangs his head low before getting up to leave too. 

Wednesday April 21, 2021

You knock on the door and wait for him to open. You wave to greet him as he stands in the entry way

He smiles “Hey mama” stepping aside to let you in 

You step into his office at the warehouse “I got called to the office again. What did I do now? I have been giving Alejandro the money no questions asked” 

He chuckles. Spring was around the corner but not quite so you paired your wrap dress that had a slit in it with thigh high heel boots. 

“Got your money” you say placing it on the desk 

He snickers “Didn’t call you here for that” 

You sigh “Well I brought it anyway incase I was in trouble” you take a seat on the couch as he leans against his desk

You both say nothing as he stares at you taking in your outfit. It does make you blush a little. Maybe the slit was too high and you adjust slightly so that the extra fabric covers your exposed thigh. 

“So what's up?” the memories of what happened last time you visited him were rushing back and you wanted to be out of there as soon as possible 

He clears his throat “I wanted to talk to you”

“About?”

He takes in a deep breath “The second location” You roll your eyes “This again”

“I need your help darling, got people I answer to, and I need double the amount you giving me now”

You nod looking down at your nails “Odd how I’m always the one you run to for help. Don’t you have other people in this freaking “empire” of yours” 

“I do” he responds smiling “but you’re my girl”

You groan “I can’t open up the second location you know how people will react” 

“You don’t have to it will be under an LLC”

“LLC that people can find”

“No an LLC owned by another business, owned by another business and so forth”

“Great” you sigh “Black rock style” 

He smiles “You get it”

“But they’ll see me there”

He shrugs “You can be behind scenes all we need you to do is manage the money”

“Why can’t you find someone else?”

He smiles at you “I just told you, you’re my girl”

“I’ll have to be at there to do all that”

He shrugs “We’ll figure out a schedule, make up an excuse, say you’re just consulting. Helping them get on their feet”

You shake your head still not liking the idea itself.

He pauses before speaking knowing what the reaction would be “It's already been decided” You scoff “Figured from the last meeting. Your boss did sa....” 

“Y/N” he warns

“Why am I here? You could have texted this shit”

“Needed your buy in” he argues 

“Doesn’t matter if you get it or not does it? Since the decision was already made”

“Come on ma’ don’t be like that” You roll your eyes standing up “Need your expertise in design” 

“Where is it gonna be?” 

“Different location on the north side of town” 

“The rich area? You think they want a bar?”

He shrugs “they want something, that's why I need you”

You nod “Okay get a planner and designer then” 

“Nah can’t have too many people involved.” He pauses “you’re good at it ”

“You’re gonna pay me!” you demand 

He puts his right hand on his heart and smiles “Scouts honor” glad you didn’t put up much of a fight. 

You stand there for a second looking at him realizing that once again you went against your own better judgment. You agreed to do something for Rio. You were supposed to be firm and not budge! But somehow some way he forced your hand and you always conceded. It made you hate yourself. 

“You good?” he asks walking closer to you bringing you back to the present 

“I’m fine” you say before walking out of the office not waiting for him to respond. The disgust you felt for yourself was boiling over and you were not going to let him see you cry. 

Monday May 10, 2021

“What are you doing here? I’ve been doing as you requested your highness” 

He chuckles sitting next to you, it had been a while since you last saw each other. Probably for the best. You had been unpleasant to be around. You were short, sarcastic, and uncooperative to say the least. 

It was a slow night, tonight  and you could find a seat at the bar so you moved all your work to a corner by the bar instead of being cooped up in the office 

“Hey Mike” you call to your bartender 

“Yea boss?” “Get him a GodFather (scotch whisky and amaretto)”  you turn to face him “it’s his favorite drink” Just something you picked up on over the years. 

He smiles at you happily accepting the attitude from you 

You don’t say anything but return to the laptop you were ordering supply for the next month 

“I’m tired,” he declares while taking a sip of his drink. He didn’t want to continue being at odds with you let alone fighting with you. 

“Welcome to the club” you state, not looking up from the laptop you were in the zone and didn’t want to be distracted or the system would time out and you would find yourself restarting. He doesn’t say anything but sits there next to you waiting for you to finish. When you’re done you close your laptop and leave him. 

You return after 20 minutes with food in hand

“Oh I’m not” he goes to stop you 

“Please this is practically your second dinner and you don’t gain any weight you can eat, plus I need unbiased opinion on this” 

He bites back a chuckle and picks up the fork. You both sit in silence and eat your meals after you’re both done you ask 

“What do you think? Spiced Lamb Burger with Fennel Cucumber & Celery Slaw, for next month” You ask when he is finished eating

He nods “it's good, a little spicy” 

“You don’t like spice?” “Nah I don’t mind it, it was good” 

You nod your head “good” and take the plates from him. He doesn’t say anything to you and you both sit in silence drinking and looking straight ahead at the TV. 

You turn to face him and blurt out “What's on your mind?” you finally break the silence you hated when he lingered, it normally followed with him telling you bad news or asking for yet another favor 

He chuckles and turns to face you  “What makes you think I have something on my mind”

You shrug “Well you don’t linger unless you have something to say” 

He smiles and nods “think you know me now?”

You smirk “You have to know your enemies”

He laughs, throwing his head back “Now I'm your enemy?” 

“Mhm! Or how else would you describe this?” you gesture between both of you pointing back and forth 

He picks up his glass to toast “A partnership” 

You roll your eyes and turn to face the TV “Not this again,” Suspecting him to ask you for a favor  “somehow I’m the one that keeps getting fucked over, interesting partnership we got here” 

He sighs “cuz you don’t listen to me” 

You hum “mmm...... not true but whatever. Agree to disagree” 

He doesn’t say anything for a minute “maybe I just like being around you” 

You scrunch your face and turn to face him “Horse shit!” He smiles at you “I’m serious”

“You’re lying! You want something so out with it your highness!” 

His jaw flexes looks you in the eye “I’m telling you the truth Y/N”  

You roll your eyes “Flattery isn’t your thing, your highness” you go back to your phone to distract from whatever it was you were feeling

“You don’t believe me?” 

You shake your head “I have a better chance  believing in flying pigs.”

He chuckles “Why tho’?” You look at him and smile, in a sarcastic tone you say “For the same reasons you didn’t believe me when I told you I didn’t steal your money!” His smile drops immediately, he turns to face the bar taking in a deep breath “I guess that's just the reality of our partnership” you finish. This was the unpleasantness he was trying to figure out. It didn’t take this long for you two to be back to some kind of norm. But this time was different. He doesn’t say anything and like before you break the silence. “You’re back to lingering, great” you mumble 

He turns to face you “What did I do? I know you’re mad at me just tell me what I did” you were holding onto a grudge he couldn’t resolve.

“Look in the mirror” you say refusing to face him 

“I’m trying here Y/N” he argues 

You turn to face him “By fucking me over? Making me do the work of multiple people while you and your boss, your brother, your cousin, whatever the fuck he is to you can maximize profit.” You pause “You can get literally anyone else to do this shit for you”

He sighs “Doesn’t have to be this way” he counters “Well I’m not the limiting factor here, every chance you get you’ll throw your weight and guns into the mix” 

“It’s needed” he counters  

You beam and respond satirically  “You see it's not me! Good first step! Honesty is the best policy!”

“It is you sometimes tho’” You smile at him keeping the same tone “Well my apologies your highness” He sighs rolling his eyes “Stop calling me that, rather you call me a asshole” You laugh “I thought you wanted things to be better? It's a fitting name. It’s something you said, ‘to be the king you gotta kill the king?’ Did I get it right? Medieval yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.” you pause to see his reaction, it got under his skin exactly what you were looking for “I don’t know maybe someone else said it” “Y/N” “Yes! Mr. Christopher Serraño! What can I do for you?” He looks at you with a blank face all though you could see the rage boiling from the glare his eyes were giving you “Too far?” He doesn’t say anything “Forgive me then I won’t say a thing, women are best seen and not heard right?” “Y/N” he warns 

You motion with your fingers zipping your mouth and turn to get back on the laptop. A few minutes later he gets up and walks out of the bar. 

(A/N: What yall think Y/N should have extended an olive branch or not? What would you do if this was you?) 

Authors Note: Please leave your feedback, again please don't steal. Only repost, like, or give credit.

XOXO Rose

Taglist:

@katymae12344, @yinmaggiorebass , @flirtyjen, @wnbweasley, @meadows5, @ffenthusiastt, @rio-reid-whoreee, @belezaya, @meera10, @aunicornmademedoit, @stilestotherescue, @thatoneasiagurl

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ditching a long-term friend?

I (35F) had a friend (S, 33F) for years. We bonded the first night we met. We had ups an downs, and went everywhere together. I helped her kick her bf out after he tried to hit her and helped her through two miscarriages. She helped me through a family member death and a career change. We would speak almost every day, for hours.

She was always slightly more conservative than me. When 2016 rolled around, she supported Trump. I didn't like that, but it wasn't my place to bitch about it to her, it was her decision.

By 2020, she'd changed. Idk how it happened but she went from slightly conservative Christian who loved school and being a nurse and had friends who were LGBT+ (myself included), to deadnaming trans patients, refusing to do a blood draw on a patient after she said it was a prerequisite for an abortion, forcing patients to pray with her, even when they and their families spoke out against it, and bugging her coworkers to pray with her. She got fired from the hospital and was completely unable to hold down a job after that, and went through about 6 jobs that year, getting fired from them all. She got with a guy (B, 32M) and he is a... Well, he is a damn nut. Flat earther, antivaxxer, anti- Department of Education, anti-cell phone, thought bluetooth was turning kids trans, and that covid is 100% a hoax. Absolutely bonkers. But she was smitten, so I supported her, barely.

It's important to note that I backed away from her a bit after she was fired from the hospital. We were only speaking once every few weeks at that point.

Shortly after she got with B, my nephew was born. My nephew is half Mexican, half white. She called him "cute for a half n*g" because she thought my SIL is black. This blew me away because she's half Mexican. I told her off and distanced myself even further.

In 2021, she was a huge supporter of Jan 6th. She LAUGHED when that one cop killed himself. I stopped talking to her completely after that. Deleted her contact info and forgot she existed for almost 2 years.

Cut to October of this year, and she calls me. I didn't recognize her #. She and B are getting married! And she wants me to be a bridesmaid!!! Yayy! (sarcasm). She told me a long-winded variation of "I know we haven't talked for a bit but I promise I'm not as bonkers as I was, I think I let Facebook suck me in, and I'm sorry."

So, I let her back in. Not emotionally, mind you. She's not the woman I once knew anymore. I don't tell her where our house is (my partner and I moved while S and I weren't speaking), and I didn't tell her what car I drove. I didn't tell her anything about our lives, and kept the conversation solely on her, to try and read her out a bit.

Sure enough, two conversations in she starts ranting about how black people are black because they received the mark of Cain (it's a Christian thing? I guess? Idk I'm not religious) and thus should be avoided because they are inherently "up to no good," and that systemic racism doesn't exist because the US has had a black president.

I roll my eyes, hang up the phone, block her number, and end it, permanently, right there. I received a few odd texts from a number I didn't recognize, probably B's phone, so I just blocked that number and deleted them without reading most of them.

Cue our mutual friends. 🙄

She misses you! People can have differing opinions and still be friends! Why are you being so closed minded? She told us you yelled at her! 😭😭😭

Lol. I didn't say a word, but whatever.

I'd rather adjust my life to her absence than adjust my morality to her ignorance.

My partner is on my side, they saw her change, too. But our mutual friends are still upset. I shared some the racist and sexist text convos between me and S, and it's like they hadn't even considered my side of the situation. One is on my side now, the other two are still questioning how I can throw away a 6 year friendship over "differing politics."

So, Tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[brakingpoint]

i missed your answer but happy day of the lord i'd love you to rank drivers by hotness because i think you're hilarious

you know what it's been like three days of the lord since you sent this but i've finally got bevved on one of them so let's go. i do not believe in rankings so i will instead be offering my commentary in current drivers championship standings order

max verstappen - i wont lie i know he's not everyone's cup of tea but i do find him quite sexy. do not understand the overwhelming tit hype on this website because this man would have to clench for his life to fill a victoria's secret training bra but it's fine because his beautiful autistic rizz and enchantingly bold nose make up for it. points deducted because i can tell his skincare routine is dish soap

lando norris - 2019 lando norris is like, i am honestly too old to have found him sexy if i'd been into f1 at the time bc even though we're only like 2/3 years apart in age he looks about 5 years younger than me. but i can completely get how if you were like 16 at the time he would seem like the cutest boy on the planet. like up all night era one direction vibes you know. unfortunately his 2024 styling with the weird desperate attempt at facial hair makes him look like a man who uses snapchat for evil

charles leclerc - objectively beautiful man crafted by the gods themselves but i can't honestly say he makes me feel anything carnally. i look at him as i would a marble sculpture in a museum

oscar piastri - he is not a bad looking guy but he does nothing for me. partially an age thing and partially his complete lack of rizz. he doesn't have time to be sexy he's got a job to do and that job is scaring the pants off lando norris every time he's within DRS range

carlos sainz - sometimes i think he is one of the top 10 sexiest men ever to exist on the planet and sometimes i think he looks like that really angry eagle off the muppets. he's got to work the right angles

lewis hamilton - much like charles leclerc he is someone who is so deeply objectively sexy that it almost reverts to me feeling nothing wait a second somebody just beamed psychic images of those interviews from like singapore 2019 where he had his hair up but with a couple bits framing his face so gorgeously and now i can't form words or think of anything else

george russell - the thing you have to understand is i went to oxford and i went clubbing a lot in oxford and so i have made out with a number of george russell lookalikes that is easily in the double figures. and i have zero regrets

sergio perez - he's not sexy he is like a cabbage patch doll whose nose i want to boop so fondly as i very gently whisper in his ear to DRIVE FUCKING FASTER

fernando alonso - i don't find him sexy but at the same time i can understand why lance stroll does

nico hulkenberg - i feel like you either have to be a really really straight woman or a really really gay european man to find him hot. and i am unfortunately neither

lance stroll - i'm refraining from answering until he grows his hair back out. at which point i will still refrain from answering but moreso for my own dignity

yuki tsunoda - we must not underestimate the rizz of a man so short he could be a back up dancer on sabrina carpenter's short 'n' sweet tour. i can unequivocally say i would

alex albon - you see physically he is not really my type but being engaged in conversation with him for more than five minutes would have me so horny i can barely breathe. i just love a dork yknow. i feel like i'd match with him on tinder by the strength of his bio even though his selfies are a bit shit and then i'd be actively drooling throughout the entire date

daniel ricciardo - in 2018, yes. in 2021 onwards, no. was he in some sort of reverse dorian grey situation where his portrait has gotten both hotter and attained better f1 results? who knows

pierre gasly - if he brings back the long swoopy hair with the frosted tips we are back in fucking business quite frankly

ollie bearman - i know he's technically an adult but he looks so young that even including him in this poll as an aside feels noncey to me

kevin magnussen - i have nothing to say. next

esteban ocon - he's tall, i suppose

franco colapinto - once again it's an ollie bearman situation where i can objectively acknowledge that he's a handsome lad but i've been following him since he was 19. i CANNOT see him that way.

zhou guanyu - i feel like his inherent swag is wasted in f1 i'd probably fancy him a lot more if he was some rando catwalk model i saw reblogged onto my dash precisely once when he was walking the runway in dior's latest collection at paris fashion week or something

logan sargeant (rip) - i really can't knock the people who fancy him because i feel like if you're american making out with 5000 guys who look just like him at college parties is my equivalent of making out with a ton of george russell impersonators at oxford. but thus i cannot see it due to our vastly different life experiences

valtteri bottas - he's hot in the way that like i walk into a gay bar and see the posters of men in leather jockstraps plastered around the place and go you know what this is not targeted to me but i can see why this is hugely titillating to the people these pictures were actually put up for. he's the closest to 1980s gay porn we have on this grid and i have to hugely respect that even if he's not my personal type

bonus liam lawson round - he looks like he was meant to debut in a boyband circa 2014 but accidentally got locked in a portaloo before their first recording session and they just kind of forgot about him there and he's just stumbled out into the daylight right now for the first time in 10 years and he's a little startled and hasn't learned about modern fashion yet but he's still kind of hot to people who would have desperately fancied luke from 5SOS were they above the age of seven at the time that band debuted

[aleksanderscult]

My unpopular opinion for today? The Darkling was terrible at manipulating people

And that mostly comes from the author's incompetence on the matter.

Back in 2016-2017 on Tumblr she was asked which SoC character finds difficult to write and she replied "Kaz. Because he's clever and cunning".

So for her, writing manipulative characters is difficult and actually explains the reason why the Darkling's "efforts" seemed comedic in S&B.

I still remember how posts from 2020-2021 expressed bafflement about where did the Darkling actually manipulated Alina in S&B.

His first, full conversation with her? He lied to her three times and tried to figure her out. What her views are, what does she know about him, has her judgement been clouded by other people's opinions of him, how she feels about her supposed destiny. Apparently she failed in each one of them and the Darkling decided to withhold information since he didn't find her trustworthy. It was too early and she was too immature.

I've written about this scene here but I MUST put this reblog here as well because it's ✨gold✨

So for anyone who believes he should tell her the truth from the very beginning uhh....have you ever been to a job with a hierarchy?

(You can also read a very good meta about their first conversation here from @theweeklydiscourse)

His additional conversations with her? They lasted only ten minutes (maximum) and he mostly tried to soothe her fears and assure her that since she'll have the Stag she won't have to worry about the strength of her power. So, me, the reader, am I supposed to think "That walk that he took with her and lasted for five minutes was so suspicious"?. Ahh...ok.

That first kiss? Boy wasn't it awkward.

It was like I watched two high school kids being kissed for the first time💀

I'm sorry but if that was manipulating then he didn't succeed at making the reader say "Now that seems shady" but wonder "What the fuck was that?". The same thing Alina wondered apparently.

If he wanted to manipulate Alina, why didn't he stay longer with her? Why didn't he spend more time with her? The guy was missing for days from the Little Palace doing his duties and even Alina said that she didn't see him much. So where was the manipulation?

To the first, awkward kiss where he lost control for the first time?

To their Winter fete make out where he almost lost his pants?

(Homeboy couldn't even control his own feelings apparently)

Leigh describes him as "manipulative" but we have no context.

So basically it's like "Source? Trust me bro".

We only have a couple of characters accuse him of manipulation but no scenes to base the argument.

His attempts, in comparison to other truly manipulating characters in fiction (like Varys, Tom Riddle, Petyr Baelish, Tyrion Lannister, the Joker), seem honestly pathetic.

When the author doesn't know how to write such things then her "manipulative" characters and their attempts seem cartoonish, cringe and childish. There's no real danger to make the reader feel like there's something wrong. His scenes with her in the Little Palace only included attempts from his part to calm down her worries and their kisses only made the reader say "Oh he fell for her!" (Which is kind of funny because this is exactly what happened).

The only instance where he was manipulative and good at it was at the orphanage scene where he lied about the Grisha children and his plans with them in order to draw Alina out.

Besides that? Nada.

And it's actually strange to me when people call him "so manipulating" and it makes me think "Have you truly not read other manipulative characters from other authors to compare?"

Because, personally, I have and the Darkling seems like an idiot in comparison.

And this is not me trying to water down the Darkling but say how Leigh Bardugo is so incompetent in writing manipulative characters and try to present him as a "master" of it.

Because he was not.

(P.S. the fact that Leigh once said "I don't want my bad guys to carry a label saying "I'm evil" because I think the real bad guys are much more tactful in their attempts" is actually laughable considering how she gave her bad guy a label when she called him "the Darkling", gave him black clothes and a fearful reputation from the very first chapter. That man really didn't stand a chance from the beginning lmao)

[darkfrog24]

What now

On another website, a non-American asked Americans "What now?" Here's my answer.

1) State level. This is really the only now. State governments in liberal states, such as New York, are passing their own laws on things like the environment, gun control, and reproductive rights in case Trump rolls back the federal rules. In fact, the Californians have had this plan ready for a year. (Side note: Historically, it's been America's conservative party that cared about states' rights and the progressive party has favored centralization. "States' rights" refers to the degree to which the federal government can overrule state laws and it has been a major issue in American politics since day one. The events of 2024 are such a big deal, that it's possible this pattern could flip.) Most of the laws that Americans live under day to day are state laws, which is why I was screaming at the top of my lungs for people to vote in their state and local elections even if they couldn't bring themselves to vote for Harris.

2) Federal level. The most powerful branch of the United States government isn't the executive branch (the president and the people who work for him). It's the legislative branch (Congress, which has two houses, the Senate and the House of Representatives). There are elections to determine the president every four years, but there are elections for Congress every two years: 1/3 of the Senate and all of the House is up for reelection in those 2026 midterm elections. What Democrats and other liberals do now is start planning and strategizing to get as many Democratic or liberal coalition (note: we do not have coalitions now, at least not the way they do in other countries) that will produce a Congress that will not let Trump do whatever he wants. Here's how it works: There are some things (heard the term "executive order"?) that the President can just do, but for most things, the President and Congress must agree. If Congress approves a law, the President can either sign it or veto it. But Congress can override the President's veto and do it anyway if 2/3 of them vote to do so. That's what we call a supermajority. It also takes a supermajority to remove an impeached President from office.

Of those 33 up-for-grabs-in-2026 seats, Democrats have 13 and Republicans have 20, so even if Democrats won all 33 elections, they still wouldn't have a supermajority (Unless all not-yet-called Senate races go blue, which they might not). Overruling or successfully impeaching Trump would still be out of reach without getting at least some Republicans on board, but it would be easier to thwart him on things requiring a simple majority. EDIT: "But isn't Trump immune from being re-impeached for the same treason twice? Doesn't double jeopardy apply?" As it happens, no it doesn't! Also, I am assuming he will do more treason.

3) So what are we looking at for the next two years? There are 100 seats in the Senate and the Republicans have 52 of them, a simple majority, not a supermajority. Right now, it's not clear if they will also have a majority in the House, but let's say they will. Also, those Republicans are not the regular Republicans that were there in 2016. Almost all Republicans with honor either resigned or were driven out. I remember gay activist Dan Savage pointing out that Mike Pence, for all his support of conversion camps, was a regular Republican and we could deal with that. No, these are Trump's slobbering supporters. Let's assume that this Congress will let him do whatever he wants but won't blatantly break the law to do it. So what can Trump do with that kind of Congress?

c) Let's start with what Trump can do on his own. Trump can also issue executive orders. This includes things like waging wars, interpreting existing policies, and issuing pardons. For example, he has promised to pardon all the traitors who stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021. For another example, both Abraham Lincoln and George W. Bush suspended the right to habeas corpus during wartime. The Emancipation Proclamation was also an executive order. So was Truman's desegregation of the military. Pretty much all Presidents issue executive orders, and they run the gamut of good and bad. Executive orders are like laws, except Congress can overrule them. The idea for the 2026 midterm elections is to elect a Congress that will do so.

b) Let's take one of the things Trump said he'd do: Dismantle the Department of Education. Can he just do that? No. That's not something a president can do by executive order. He'd need Congress to agree with him. If even three or four Republican Senators and/or a comparable number of Republican Representatives muster their remaining brain cells and say "Oh heck no," then he doesn't get to do it. Even if they did approve, actually doing it would take years, and by then we'd get to the mid-term elections. But if Trump asks Congress to let him do something less obviously destructive or more popular, like immigration or corporate regulations, they're likely to say yes.

c) The President nominates Supreme Court Justices, and the Senate has to approve them by simple majority. If any Supreme Court Justices die or retire, Trump gets to choose their replacement and Congress will probably approve whatever Handmaid's Tale reactionary he picks. No pulling the plug on any of them until at least 2027! This is a big deal because SCOTUS Justices serve for life and because Supreme Court precedents are a huge deal. The US never passed a federal law making abortion legal. That was the Roe v Wade court case in the 1970s, and what SCOTUS gives, SCOTUS can and did take away. Trump is likely to appoint young reactionaries who will serve for decades. This is the biggest threat and the one that is the hardest to fix.

Short-term solution: Enshrine vital rights in state laws and state constitutions. Mid-term solution: Elect a liberal Congress in 2026. Long-term solution: Fund think thanks and other entities to figure out how the American people got so thoroughly bamboozled that so many of them voted for a candidate of proven corruption and incompetence and solve that systemic problem.

[royal-ruin]

f1 fanfic recs (part 1) sebastian/lewis

other f1 fic rec lists here f1 fic rec masterlist here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.

yay, i decided to start off with some sewis to spice up your day!

The Kingdom Lights Shine by ingoodcompany (~2k)

They have a loose sort of plan. For some nebulous future time.

And then Lewis wins his eighth World Championship.

Love Wins by 12romy (~3k)

Lewis and Seb have a plan, and nothing will stop them from carrying it out.

swoon over you by penelopes (~3k)

[The three dots appear. Disappear. Appear again. Then Seb’s message pops up. Do you want me to pretend to have an emergency and call you?

Oh, thank God. Would you??? Lewis quickly types out. He’s not bailing on the date if he has an emergency, right? No one would have to know.]

Or, Lewis is on an awful date and Seb comes to the rescue.

you don't know what you want (just tell me what i want) by blafard (~4k)

["You're not listening," Lewis says, but it's not mean. He's simply stating a fact, like that the sky is blue and that Lewis Hamilton is a winner and will collect his eighth championship before the year is over.

(Even though he likes to pretend that this year he's not so sure, and that this year has been different to all the others. Seb's retirement echoes in the space left between him voicing his insecurities.)

"I'm not," Seb agrees, unable to stop a small smile to slip over his lips.

Lewis hums. "You don't sound very sorry."

"I'm not," he agrees once again and then they're both laughing.]

or Seb retires and relearns to fall in love with racing and Lewis.

rumour has it by ambiguouspace (~4k)

It's 2021 and Sebastian Vettel isn’t driving in Formula 1. No one can figure out why he’s still hanging around the paddock every race, though.

aka Seb takes a year off to be an F1 wag.

this love is a strange love by bones_2_be (~4k)

Lewis has a bad crash, and the resulting concussion leaves him in rough shape. 

In which Sebastian does what he can for Lewis in the immediate aftermath of a serious concussion.

stars by the pocketful by ohmygasly (singsweetmelodies) (~4k)

[Lewis holds out his hand, and Sebastian looks at him, clasps it, but then leans in to hug him without letting go of his hand (and Lewis can't help but pause on the fact that out of the whole grid, Sebastian only hugged him. Only him.) 

Lewis closes his eyes, and leans into the touch just a little too much, cameras be damned. This is goodbye, this is the end of an era, and for all that he has always kept a brutal hold on his emotions - he thinks he can afford to let go, just a little, for this. For Sebastian. 

Then, inevitably, Sebastian's hand slips out of his, and Lewis thinks, is this the last time? ]

Seb and Lewis: a first, a last, and then a first again.

he‘s been gone. now he‘s back. by grussell63 (~5k)

The internet goes from not seeing Sebastian Vettel and Lewis Hamilton for weeks to getting a bunch of content within a week.

or: Lewis appears at the Race of Champions in 2022 without even competing.

*slow show by ambiguouspace (~6k)

[Lewis is ten kilometres into his ride before his phone buzzes again.

It’s a bad idea to sleep with another driver, right? George’s message says, and Lewis almost falls off his stationary bike.]

Lewis hands out relationship advice. Eventually, Sebastian does too.

ugh one of the first fics that got me into this fandom and it makes me laugh every time.

with the certainty of tides by ambiguouspace (~6k)

[[Image of a magazine cover, with Lewis Hamilton in profile. Cover title “Lewis Hamilton finds his voice”]

Liked by jonathan.reid.94 and 561,205 others

mercedesamgf1 We’re incredibly proud of @lewishamilton and everything that he achieves on and off the track. Link in bio for his game-changing cover story with @britishgq ✊🏾🌈

View all 15,578 comments

mercedesamgf1 While we welcome respectful and constructive conversation, hateful comments on this post will be deleted.

3 hours ago] Lewis Hamilton comes out. The internet has some thoughts on the matter.

ugh i adore these unconventional format fics.

like today wants tomorrow by distressedgremlin (~8k)

One year after they have both retired, Sebastian and Lewis try Le Mans.

one of the tags is "what's more domestic than driving a 24-hour race with a third wheel" and i think it is an incredibly accurate description of this fic.

*come home to me by misonikomi (~18k)

Seb left a 40 million dollar contract to be at Mercedes, and has so clearly been delegated to the number two driver. He must have known how the team was going to treat him, as the new driver and as someone who hasn’t won the WDC in a few years. He had known, and had signed the contract anyways.

Lewis thinks about whether he trusts Seb, and what trust even means, for people like them.

just reread it cuz i completely forgot it, and oh my god, it has so much to do with lewis healing from the trauma that nico left behind in his wake.

Let's try something else by 12romy (~20k)

Seb is tired of the homophobia in F1. Thankfully, Lewis has a plan.

as always i am a sucker for fake/pretend relationship fics.

*The Numbering at Bethlehem by Kaytheologie (~26k)

Yale AU: in which Lewis is a Shakespeare professor, Sebastian is a math professor, and a fuckbuddies arrangement turns into more than either of them could have imagined.

it was truly a vibe to read it on a long train ride.

**the heartbeat is a hunger by withfeathers (~40k)

2019 FORMULA ONE SPORTING REGULATIONS

[Art. 34: BONDING Teams are required to register all bonds between drivers with the FIA at the beginning of each season. New bonds must be formally recognized through a bonding ceremony under supervision of at least one FIA representative [...].

Art. 34.1 [added on 1.01.1993] Bonds between drivers competing for different teams are prohibited.

I'm so unused to being - well, understood perhaps. - Vladimir Nabokov's first letter to his future wife, Véra]

when i say this fic fundamentally changed my brain chemistry i genuinely mean it. it is a must-read.

*Hard Year / Good Time / Socks Up / Foot Down by bestliars (~50k)

Sebastian is thirty-four years old. He went into the barriers on lap twenty-eight of the Azerbaijan Grand Prix. He doesn’t remember the crash. He remembers being twenty-five, getting ever closer to both the consecutive race win record and a fourth championship. Apparently there’s a lot he needs to catch up on. One pressing question: why is Lewis Hamilton asleep in the chair beside his hospital bed?

oh my god, one of my favorite fics of all time! i've read it twice even though it's pretty long by my standards.

unfortunately, i haven't currently read too many seblewis fics, feel free to recommend me any of your faves. i hope you find something to enjoy here!

btw, if the links to the other f1 fics don't work yet, it's cuz i haven't sorted it out yet haha, it'll prob take me a day to fully organize it.

[lynnthefantastic]

you and hamzah have been online friends since 2019 and didn’t meet intell 2021, and the tension that has always been there on zooms was clearly there when you guys met. you guys have always found each other physically attractive and having very similar personalities but always knew friends is what you guys we be, you living in different countries, you lived in la while he’s in canada. you frequently would visited hamzah and would appear in many ooc episodes when it was just a solo podcast with guests, you guys got very close and found yourselves doing everything people in a relationship would do minis the romantic physical aspects, there were many moments where you felt hamzah starring extra hard at your face especially your lips making you feel like at any moment he would climb on top of you suffocating you with his lips theses thoughts would take over your mind and since he would always be to nervous to commit you almost took matter into your own hands. neither of you guys made a move because it was clear friends is what you guys would always be , hamzah had no plans moving to america and your whole life was in la and long distance is something neither of you too believed in. all your mutual friends would always tease you guys about how you guys were perfect for each other they knew not to tease when you all were together cus you both shared how nervous it would make you feel. you guys would facetime and text almost everyday but there was something hamzah completely left out that you would later find out when visiting him.

Since all of hamzah friends knew the secret he was keeping from you would be a shock they wanted to warn you before you came.

that was very much a lie, you knew you guys never had a fair chance to be together but it still hurt, you even wonder if you would have came to canada if you knew that but you were already at the airport.

you see hamzah pull up but he’s not alone which is different because usually even if his friends are at his house he still makes and effort to come alone. Him and max hop out the car and max grabs your bags to put in the car while hamzah gives you a big tight hug and talks to you almost like nothing different like he didn’t have a gf that he needed to to loyal to and make new boundaries for, you expected a side hug or even her to be the one you saw in the car this makes you relived like maybe this whole trip you won’t even see this girl.

you guys end up in Chick-fil-A and max heads to the bathroom hamzah sees this as the perfect time to tell you about this girl, you can feel the awkward tension something you’ve never felt before it’s always been to easy feeling around him but you guys couldn’t even make eye contact, to avoide the awkward conversation you felt coming you blurt out

you wondered how sleeping at his house was gonna work if he had a gf, if she would be ok with it or find it weird or if she would be there just so it wasn’t the two of you. hamzah was still vaguely bringing up his gf. you can tell he didn’t really believe your “you can tell me anything” spiel, but he did uncomfortably bring up the fact that his gf was coming over to sleep over, he tells you that she shared a concern with your friendship and has seen the edits and the shippers and it makes her feel like maybe you guys had something even if it was far before she came along.

y/n: “ max already told me… about her, i don’t care if that’s the reason you didn’t tell me, you can talk to me about that kinda stuff you know”

hamzah let’s put a sigh of relief

hamzah: “yeah idk why i didnt tell you. well yeah, yeah, i actually do know why, idk i thought maybe if i told you things would be different like you would feel like we couldn’t be as close as we are. and we are, we are gonna stay this close”.

y/n: “yeah bc we’re friends” you slowly say with a slight crack in your voice

hamzah: “ yeah, because we’re friends” he replies with his head down

hamzah: “clearly we are friends, just friends but amanda, um that’s he name, um amanda juts feel like maybe we dated and if she ask you clearly the answer would be no anyways but maybe juts like asure her we are nothing but friends”

this angered you, clearly you guys have never dated or even kissed but you guys definitely has something and him giving you a lil pep talk on how you were supposed to act like you guys were purely friends hurt you, but you agreed and played dumb with amanda when you meet her

when you met amada you were confused, confused by her personality, by the way she looked, by every thing, she was a very pretty girl just seemed far from hamzahs type and maybe it was bc she seem completely different from you and maybe that was your feeling for hamzah making yourself think you are his exact type, so deep down you were hoping someone exactly like you

you feel every thing that hamzah told you about her, the way she felt about you and hamzahs relationship you felt her trying to dig something out of you, like she don’t want to be one friends she wanted you far away.

On The Couch:

amanda: “so how long have you been friends with hamzah”

she clearly knows but you go along with it

y/n: “ since 2019”

” amanda: “wow that’s a longggg time, you guys are close i can tell it’s cute”

y/n: i mean ig, we’re probably just as close as he is with his other friends”

amanda: “well clearly not if you guys dated”

y/n: “we never dated“ you say louder the past volume you talked in almost as if you juts got caught in a lie even though you didn’t.

you could feel the tension rising, when from amanda being passive aggressive to just aggressive

amanda: “he told me , well he didn’t say you guys dated but might as well have right”

y/n: “ i mean idk what he said but i would say anything close to it

your mind went back to the moment he told you to say you guys were nothing but friends, wondering why he would tell her that but tell you to say we were nothing more than friends. you felt like you were being trapped like she said that to see what you would say, but you weren’t gonna brake

amanda: “i get it if there’s some feeling there from your side but you got to be happy that he moved on”.

y/n: “theirs really nothing to move on from” you say laughing

hamzah walks over almost like he was upset you too we’re left alone

hamzah: “you guys talking about me” hamzah says half jokingly half serious

amanda: “you wish” she says

amanda: “i think ima actually go get some food since you all wanted to go without” she says with a smile but in a serious tone

by this time you already slickly walked out of the conversation but stay close to over hear there conversation, you missed a few parts but stated to hear when they got louder

amanda: “i mean what did you think i was gonna do when you told me your having some girl sleep over your house i’ve never met”

hamzah: “what are you even saying, some girl?, i’ve know this girl longer than i’ve know you, you wouldnt have a problem with anyone sleeping over why are you making a big deal out of this”

amanda: “alright its fine, i get it there’s absolutely nothing going on between you too so ill juts let you two besties hang out alone”

amanda left and slammed the door behind her, part of you felt happy that she was gone, happy that hamzah didn’t go chasing after her, intell you heard the door open and close for the second time, part of your heart broke, you knew you would never be a home wrecker and come between them but deep down you still had hope you and hamzah would find each other later in the future. hamzah quickly comes back in looking for you and eminently apologizes to you.

hamzah: i’m so sorry you had to hear her, she doesnt have the best attitude towards you, clearly”

y/n: “yeah i got that” you giggled

y/n: “i feel really bad i mean i get her, i get how people can make her think there’s something betw-“

hamzah cuts you off

hamzah: “think!?, think there’s something between us” y/n it’s obvious how we feel”

hamzah scoot closer to you on the couch

before you could even pick between throwing your sled on him or play dumb and ask what that feeling he was talking about was he grabs your face like he was about to kiss you, but he doesn’t. you felt so nervous you went with the playing dumb option.

y/n: “how do we feel?”

he was lost looking in your eyes, you could tell he was paying no attention to what you were saying

hamzah: “i broke up with her, i liked her, i did, i think” he lets out a sigh like he wasn’t breathing that whole sentence

hamzah: “i want you ok, i need you”

you feel yourself getting wet hoping this conversation could end already with you guys on top of each other. after what felt like a minute of staring at each other you go to kiss him knowing the reason he wasnt was because he never wanted to make the first move and ruin everything. that kiss was like an ok for him to do everything he’s fantasized about.

he picks you up and holds your waist down on him. you feel how hard he is, the makeout becomes messy and as he got harder you got wetter, he pulls your shirt up and takes off his shorts and you took off your bra.

you were shocked on how good he was, you knew this was his first time but it wasn’t like you were a pro, but it felt like he was like he new exactly how to please you

you guys ended up on the bed and were both shocked to see you guys were at it till 5 in the morning, you guys couldn’t get enough of eachother

you ended up expanding your trip and spent most of the time in hamzahs bed.

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/756624824076468224/there-are-some-places-i-hope-to-never-be-and-one

Couldn’t we say the same thing about Jimin though? Wasn’t he the one who said his favourite thing was waking up to Jungkook? He’s the one who also sat infront of Tae and Jk and said Jk spends almost all his time in his room and he is the same one who has constantly taken his face right infront of Jk’s like he was going to kiss him on the mouth with Tae sitting right there, why do you think he would do things like this if Taekook were together and how would Tae have felt about those things? Jimin has done and said way more suggestive things about himself and Jk than Tae has ever done and that is one of the reasons why some tkkrs hate him so much because they believed he was being a bad friend to Tae. Y’all are just witnessing Jimin in his quiet phase. You needed to hear the things he constantly said and did prior to 2021 because if he was still the way he used to before, it would have been a bloodbath between these two ships because while we have tae dropping bombs, we would have had Jimin dropping even bigger ones lol.

Jk too has done a few things with Jimin that wouldn’t make sense for him to do if he was dating Tae, like that naked bed Live he did inviting himself to shower at Jimin’s place, (if you think Jimin should have a problem with Tae’s captions if he was with Jk then how do you think Tae should feel about Jk openly asking Jimin to let him come over and shower infront of 5 million fans?) or when he made that “thirst trap” birthday video for Jimin (many people interpreted it as one), or him making a blatant sexual innuendo Joke with Jimin on ITS “Do you want ramen? ” This is a conversation I probably shouldn’t be in because I personally don’t think the boys are dating each other but I think this logic works both ways and that is mainly the reason why we have jkkrs hating on Tae and tkkrs hating on Jimin because they feel like Vmin are crossing lines.

Hi @causeilikescience !

Posting this ask in good faith and trusting you are actually neutral in this.. please don't go crazy on me.. I just went through that with another blog last week 🙈.

I'm sure that when you are someone who doesn't believe any of the guys are dating all shipping fandoms look the same. I'm well aware that while I am answering this ask right now, most will look at my answer and say 'she's a Tkkr, she's delusional and not give my words any actual thought. And to be honest, most of my beliefs do stem from how I interpret Tae and Jk's interactions and the way their body's speak. My thoughts on that should not actually matter, because I am a stranger on the internet 😂.

I think for me, the biggest difference between how Tkkrs think and how Jkkrs think is that Jkkrs believe a queer couple from the same band are being allowed so much openness. I mean, Jk and Jm are not limited in their interactions at all. We can beat around the bush, but Jk and Jm are the main focus of Bh when it comes to BTS. They are made use of hugely. That does not undermine that their friendship is real (it's making use of your biggest strenghts really) but it does undermine that they are in a relationship, in my opinion. I do not believe that BH (a SK company) would treat an in band couple the way they treat Jm and JK.

I understand why Jkkrs believe though, at least.. to a certain point. The moments they use, like Rosebowl, like hickey gate, like those times Jm comes close to Jk's face and acting like he's about to kiss him.. those look sus when you isolate them BUt, when you look beyond those isolated moments, you know that that is exactly what they are. Jm has those moments with Hobi and Tae as well for instance. Probably not as often, because Hobi doesn't entertain it as much and Tae actually gets Jm flustered when he goes that way. Jk and Jm though have the same type of banter... they are.. matched in that way I think. They aren't actually flirting, they are play-flirting. And these are my words ofcourse and no-one will value those, because I'm a Taekooker, but I do think that that's what it is. Maybe because you are neutral, you recognize that that's what it is also. I don't see anything actually sus between Jm and Jk. I think everything they do fit easily in the realm of friendship. A friendship that has a lot of banter and is definitely deep, but a platonic friendship nevertheless. I never feel the need to downplay anything Jm and Jk do, because it just is what it is and I love that for them.

Tae and Jk is a whole different story though. And admittingly, you do have to believe in things being hidden and lies having been told. You have to believe that there are ugly parts to their story. I don't even really want to believe those parts, because they are hurtfull and they mean that Tae and Jk (and all members by association) have gone through shit. There will have been many tears and fights, and feelings of shame and insecurity. That's not something I want for them, but I do feel that has been a part of their lives. I think there is no way that a company like BH would allow a queer couple from the same band to freely interact. I think BH would have come up with a way to keep the band from being in a potential scandal. They had big plans for BTS (which they accomplished) and the risk of queer allegations becoming too strong would have been too high in the eyes of those who call the shots. What I see between Tae and Jk fits how I feel a queer idol couple would be treated in SK music industry. It does set us as a fandom up for misunderstandings though, it can't actually be any other way. So our thoughts willl always be hunches and never about having actual proof. A closeted couple can't give us proof. What we do have, is a ton of patterns and a ton of repetitive behavior. It's the shear amount of consistent bahavior that makes us feel strongly about them being together. You can only understand this, if you look into that amount.. it is simply not possible to understand this if you don't. Me explaining this with all the words I have will never do the actual situation justice. So basically this whole ask is just me ranting without actually being able to convey the realness of Takook 😂.

I think many people don't actually realize the amount of times Jk and Tae are holding back movements, and biting away smiles, or are holding back jealousy. It's something Tkkrs know, because we pay attention. It's not something we invent, the moments are there and people can just look them up. You will not find that between any other pairing within BTS. Another thing is that many people also don't realize how much Tae and Jk actually move towards each other. After 2016 they weren't the focus of footage much anymore, so people are quick to miss it. But in the background, when other members are the focus.. they gravitate to each other. Again, not something we make up.. it is all in the footage, people just don't notice.

Without wanting to open this up to Jm hate (and I'm gonna elaborate.. don't worry😁), I think Tae did have a problem with Jk and Jm at times. This is what I mean with the nasty parts that come with this. It's not all pretty, and it probably affected the other members too. It was pretty obvious actually at times. Rolling his eyes and whatnot. I'll do you one better. Jk also had a problem with Tae and other members at times, we can clearly see him annoyed at times when Tae was close with someone else. They were fickle about it though, there's times when they didn't care and there were times when it probably just hit differently. People are fickle in their reactions though. Different situations make for differnt reactions, that are influenced by many different factors. The reason why I don't blame Jm for this is that Jm did nothing wrong. On top of that, Tae, Jk and Jm know each other so much better than that fandom knows them. When Jm and Jk make a joke about ramen in front of Tae, Tae knows how to read that. When Jm goes to flirt with Tae, Jk knows how to read that. These men know each other, they know what each other's intentions are. Tae knows that Jm isn't trying to steal Jk from him.

I'm fully convinced that vminkook had conversations about the shipping wars. I think I see an adjustment in how they deal with it. It is clear to me, that Jm is aware of Tae and Jk. I think these three obviously chose to not let fandom shenanigans stand in the way of them interacting. While Tae was annoyed at Jkk moments at times, he cares about Jk and Jm too much to want them to adjust the way they interact. I can't speak for Jkkrs on this.. but I'd hope it's the same for them.

Comparing Tkk and Jkk is not something that I actually do when consuming BTS content. I know I've done it on here, because I literally get asked to do it 😂. But Jkk isn't a factor for me. Jm is their best friend. Obviously he plays a role in their lives, but I don't go and think.. wait Jm did this with Jk how does that affect Tae? I'm sure Jkkrs want to do the same, but yet everytime one of them comes here they hit me with the comparisons. I do wish that things were different. I think this is very unpleasant for Jm, Jk and Tae. Those men love each other to bits and I think large parts of fandom make it really hard for them to keep loving us.

Well, I'm sure this has been hugely unsatisfactory and I made no difference in your understanding of Tkk fandom😂 . I'm also a very small part in all this, I'm fully aware that there is madness going on everywhere.. Tkkrs are not excluded from that at all.

[amageish]

So, Felicia Hardy mentions having a girlfriend in Marvel's Spider-Man 2 and this has resulted in a lot of discussion... I wanna talk about it!

One thing I find really interesting about the conversation is that so many articles discussing it credit Felicia's bisexuality to this moment from 2021, where she and Odessa Drake have an on-panel kiss followed by an off-panel one-night-stand.

While this is pretty friggin' gay and good for them, I feel like reducing the story to "Black Cat kissed a girl in 2021 and that's why she has a girlfriend in the video game" is missing a lot of the larger context... so let's discuss some of the history of Felicia Hardy, AKA the chaotic crime bisexual Black Cat.

Felicia Hardy debuted in 1979. Tamara Blake, her "oldest friend" and female lover, first appeared in 1984, only 5 years later, debuting in the Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man Annual "Cat and Mouse."

Dropping by for a night of "harmless frolic," Tamara robs Felicia, aiming to play a game of cat-and-mouse with her friend. While their relationship is not explicitly romantic in this story, Tamara is portrayed as very close to her ex-partner-in-crime and very familiar with her relationship habits. She is surprised by the reveal that Black Cat is trying to settle down with Spider-Man - and to be skeptical about if Felicia will be able to tie herself down to one man... almost as if she knows Felicia has a pattern of behaviour when it comes to monogamy.

I don't know if this story was intentionally gay or not, but it would be used as a foundation for later queer storytelling about Felicia, so it seems worth mentioning it here!

What is pretty explicit, however, is Felicia's relationship with her partner Diana in the 2002 Spider-Girl series. They are just called partners, not lovers, but the framing and discussion of it is obvious enough that, in my opinion, if you know that gay people exist and can accept the possibility of them being gay, then you probably will read this and go "Oh, yeah, they are gay."

This story does not take place in Earth-616 and is primarily focused on Mayday Parker as Spider-Girl and Felicity Hardy as Scarlet Spider, but Felicity does have two moms - and we love that for her!

Jumping ahead a bit, Tamara returned via flashback in Black Cat #10, released in 2020, and this fleshed out their backstory together. It revealed how they trained together under Black Fox as their mentor and clearly shows them using slight-of-hand to hold hands and canoodle without Fox noticing what they're up to.

This is just a super-cute panel to me. That's such a clever use of slight-of-hand; I love it so much...

The next year, in Black Cat Vol 2 #3, there's a vision of Black Cat surrounded by a harem of her lovers, which includes Tamara and Odessa alongside several of her more famous male affairs.

Shortly thereafter, she kissed Odessa on the lips, as discussed earlier. In case the earlier evidence was not enough for you, Felicia Hardy is now formally unquestionably a girl-kisser. We even later get to see her and Drake's one-night-stand via flashback, in case there was any lingering doubts about what happened.

However, it also doesn't end there. It's not like Felicia just kissed a women, Marvel patted themselves on the back, and now she's been back to dating Peter Parker exclusively. There are plenty of comic characters who have had one defining "queer moment" and mum's been the word on their queerness since then... Felicia, meanwhile, is very loudly bisexual.

Immediately, she got a Pride variant cover in 2021 and has been on at least one cover every year since. My favourite is probably this one from 2022, which is both very poly and also features Peter Parker... I'm sure if you'd ask Marvel corporate they'd say he is just there as an ally, but it's still funny to me.

In 2021, she was the character used for the grand return of Jessie Drake (Felicia really has a thing for women with last names that end with -ake, apparently). Jessie was Marvel's first explicitly transgender character, debuting all the way back in 1992. After getting off to a rocky start, Felicia blows up a building with Jessie's help and they go out for dinner.

(This story was not followed up on as the book it was supposed to lead into got cancelled. Drake has not so much as cameoed since. F in the chat for Jessie Drake).

In 2022, there was an 5-issue mini-series all about Tony Stark and Felicia bonding over their mutual problem of supervillain ex-girlfriends trying to murder them. Of the two halves of the pair, Felicia gets the better deal - Tamara not only teams up with Felicia and Tony to fight Tony's ex, but they do so much flirting that Tony forgets that are not currently dating.

And, finally, in 2023, there was another Felicia story in a Pride issue wherein she hooked up with a pseudo-diety and also worked with Gambit to fuck with some transphobes in the process. Good for them!

This is not by any means a definitive list of everything gay Felicia has done - she famously flirts with MJ and Cindy a lot, for instance - but I hope it provides some larger context to Felicia's sexuality in the game.

Moreover, I hope it shows that queer storytelling isn't always about writing a single gay kiss that generates headlines. A lot of Marvel and DC queer storytelling that goes viral isn't the actual multi-issue multi-comic-run queer stuff; it's the one big kiss or something subtextual that happens to feature MCU heroes with better SEO then people like Felicia have... and I think it's the more under-the-radar stuff that's often more valuable.

[mariacallous]

At the time of writing, the death toll has risen to 214. Battered cars and other debris are piled up in the streets, large swaths of Valencia remain underwater, and Spain is in mourning. On Sunday, anger erupted as the king and queen of Spain were pelted with mud and other objects by protesters. Why were so many lives lost in a flood that was well forecasted in a wealthy country?

From the global north’s vantage point, the climate crisis, caused by the burning of coal, oil and gas, has long been seen as a distant threat, affecting poor people in the global south. This misconception has perpetuated a false sense of security.

Scientists have long known that heating the climate with fossil fuel emissions will result in the intensification of floods, storms, heatwaves, drought and wildfires. However, it was not until 2004 that the first attribution study formally linked a weather event – the devastating 2003 European heatwave – to our changing climate. Despite the evidence, people have been hesitant to connect extreme weather with the climate crisis.

I founded World Weather Attribution in 2014 to shift the conversation. Our attribution studies are carried out quickly, over days or weeks, in the immediate aftermath of weather disasters to inform people in real time about the role of the climate crisis.

A quick analysis following the floods in Spain found that the climate emergency made the extreme rainfall about 12% more intense and twice as likely. Despite this, in Paiporta, where at least 62 people have died, the mayor said floods were not common and “people are not afraid”. But the changing climate is making once-rare events more common.

Record-breaking events such as these complicate preparedness – how do you communicate the extreme danger of something someone has never experienced before?

We saw this play out recently after Hurricane Helene made landfall. More than 200 people died in floods in the inland southern Appalachians region of the US. Despite warnings of “catastrophic and life-threatening” flooding ahead of the disaster, people were still caught out when disaster struck, and many could not appreciate how extreme the downpours were going to be.

However, in Spain, people were only warned as it was happening. Warnings were not sent until many people were already trapped in flooded houses or in underground car parks, trying to move their cars to higher ground.

The same happened – or rather didn’t happen – in Germany in 2021. No information was given on how to act and, crucially, no support was given to those who could not help themselves: in the German town of Sinzig, 12 residents of a home for disabled people drowned. Back in Spain, the deaths of the inhabitants of one care home have already been reported and I fear more disturbing stories such as this will emerge in the weeks to come.

World Weather Attribution has studied 30 devastating floods, and in almost all cases, including in developing countries, we’ve found that the rainfall was well forecast. But as we’ve seen in Spain, forecasting is not enough. The warnings, when they finally came, did not include vital information on where to evacuate to and how.

Local governments and emergency services are the essential mediator between the weather services and the people in harm’s way. They need to be strengthened and not dismantled, as had been the case with the Valencia Emergency Unit.

Clearly, Spain’s disaster systems need to improve. More widely, we need to ask some hard questions about international disaster funds – should the EU have funds for prevention, rather than cleaning up the mess after a disaster has struck? In my view, it absolutely has to increase funds and develop coordinated plans.

We will see more extreme weather events as long as we burn fossil fuels. Today we are at 1.3C of warming, but we are on track to experience up to 3C by 2100, which would mean similar floods in Spain increasing in frequency and severity. Without creating an action plan and knowing exactly how to implement it, as practised in drills, death tolls will always be high when a heat record is broken or a new region experiences hurricane-scale forces of rain, as happened in Spain.

Investing in people and emergency services will save lives. But governments also cannot build back the same way. Almost everywhere in Europe where people live, rivers are canalised, and all surfaces are sealed with concrete and asphalt to make a comfortable city for cars. If we want to start caring about people instead, we need to give rivers space again, so that they have somewhere else to go, rather than into people’s homes. Urban sprawl across Europe is creating ever more sealed surfaces and exposing an increasing number of people to devastating floods.

We Europeans need to learn and rebuild for a future that is only just emerging. But most urgently, we have to practise survival in a climate-changed world.

[charmedreincarnation]

https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/715801428071972864/hey-maya-what-are-your-thoughts-on-the?source=share

Not this anon but wait that means I can manifest a certain afterlife? Like there isn't one destined afterlife but it can be whatever we want it to be?

I wish there was a voice audio setting because I would tell you guys so many stories! but anyways I’ll tell you guys about a specific occurrence that happened when I was around 13/16 that changed my perspective on everything.

Basically I used to go to church often . My family is pretty religious, and at the time, I wasn’t even really religious, but I still followed Christianity. I had gotten into manifesting but I still believed in god pretty avidly (and still do just not in a religious way) so I didn’t mind going.

Anyways there was this super religious girl who I would talk to everytime I went. guys I mean she was giving cult. Cross tattoos, Bible reading club everyday, and she could read the Bible word for word backwards probably! I don’t really like super avidly religious people who make their entire life abt god and every conversation abt it, but idk for her I could tolerate it. She was super sweet and her passion was admirable.

I remember she stopped coming to church and I knew something was wrong because this girl would rather die than miss service. Turns out she was in an accident and was probably going to die, so we held a huge fundraiser for her family. At the time I didn’t know what happened to her because no one talked about it after the fundraiser and I didn’t have her phone number so I just assumed she died.

Then when I was 16, so atp pretty into manifesting and not into church anymore I saw her at a tarot shop.. that she owned. Now it’s a general consensus astrology, tarots and stuff is against Christianity. (not that I cared regardless I still was into that shit) but The Sarah (fake name) I knew Would never step foot into what she called a “devil worshipping temple”

But it was definitely her and she looked so different. She used to have long brown hair, wore traditional clothing, would never show skin etc. this girl had a pixie cut with black hair, so many tattoos of sigils and zodiac stuff on her body, so many piercings, and was wearing booty shorts!! I almost didn’t recognize her but she said hi to me and I was in shock. This bitch owns a crystal shop.. Holy Sarah owns a crystal shop!! atp I believed the rapture was about to start bc what the hell

Anyways I asked her how she was and what happened, because I assumed she was dead. And she said she was. She had been officially dead for 5 straight seconds, but was “brought” back with those machines. I told her she looks good but why the change in lifestyle. she said when she died, she was in a black space of nothing but still had thoughts. She didn’t see Jesus or the purgatory or whatever, all she had was herself. She was crying to herself in this void like space as she knew it was the end, and the atheists were right. We become nothing when we die. Then she just wished to come back, and she said she would do anything to come back, and then she did. She awoke again and when she did she got into spirituality and it changed her life.

16 year old me at this point was pretty deep into my spiritual research and she basically confirmed what I had believed since I was 8. We choose what happenes when we die and we can do the same for our life on earth. I pretty much talked to her for hours, until I had to go because my mom doesn’t want me in those “weird” shops either. Anyways I assume the “space” she was in was the void state, but I didn’t know what that was until the end of 2021 ofc so I couldn’t make the connection at the time.

But I mean it makes sense. we have free will, so if we can decide every aspect of our life while alive, why would that change at death. death isn’t the end, just a beginning of whatever new chapter you want or believe it to be. Just my belief ofc :) you’re inclined to believe whatever !

[deltaengineering]

Winter Anime 2024: Payday

Metallic Rouge

Metallic Rouge hasn't ended yet, but I am quite certain that at this point it's unsalvageable. I can give it one thing: it's going for a specific ~vibe~, and nails it. Why anyone would want to evoke the ~vibe~ of "deservedly forgotten 2000s sci-fi seasonal" is beyond me (I won't provide an example, because if I could remember it it wasn't forgettable enough), but there you go. Truly, Bones have outdone themselves with this celebration of their 25 year legacy.

It's hard to even start, but the one thing everyone is certain about is as good as any: The plotting and structure of this show is a complete mess. Some consider this "ambitious", but I don't think an ambition of "let's throw in every half baked thing we can think of and try to glue it together with proper nouns" is worth celebrating. We've got insipid and illogical worldbuilding that ultimately goes nowhere, brave political statements on the level of "slavery sure is bad but don't be rude about it", metaphor bombshells like a character who schemes behind the scenes and styles themselves the "puppetmaster" and constant plot twists that explain things long after I've given up on even trying to make sense of anything. That's where the ~vibe~ comes from: everything that has ever vaguely annoyed you in a mid anime is somehow in this one all at once.

This wouldn't be so bad if it had characters that are entertaining on their own, but here we meet the most bizarre creative decision: the one thing it has going for it is the Diet Dirty Pair banter between Rouge and Naomi, which elevates a few episodes to "decent", but of course they spend half the show seperated. And by themselves, Rouge likes chocolate and is as dumb as a brick with charisma to match, while Naomi is sassy and mysterious and that's it. The rest of the characters (and naturally, there are far too many of them) are either irritating or at best just bland.

So if this is Bones pulling out all the stops, at least you should expect the production values to be high, but even that is a mixed bag. Metallic Rouge looks quite mediocre for the most part until it's time for a dedicated Sakuga Cut™, which might be a fight or alternatively just a random one of the dozens of boring hallway conversations (that Crunchyroll of all things is treating this as a joke really says it all). And even the fights aren't all that great, because this show somehow manages to have bad sound mixing and music beds that I'd call interesting in theory but don't work well as a score. At least it has a stellar OP, but even that seemed a lot better before the show actually came out.

I might bump up the score a point if it ends exceptionally well (which it won't), but even in that case... it's still bad. Please go back to sourcing your deep plots from Weekly Shounen Jump, Bones. ~3/10

Bucchigiri...

Bucchigiri..., on the other hand, has the exact opposite problem: While Metallic Rouge is a convoluted tangle of inconsequential plot, this show is just happy to phone it in. It almost feels like a rerun of fall 2021, where Metallic Rouge is the new Fena and Bucchigiri... is the new Takt:Op. It leaves an agreeable first impression, with a bold, colorful look, unusual setting, expressive direction and kinetic animation – but everything not entirely superficial is an excuse, and a "dog ate my homework" level of excuse at that. If all you want is bromantic burly brettyboys going through the motions, get your fanfic pen ready, but don't expect the show itself to provide significantly more than character designs. It doesn't help that the main character is particularly bad, with his gimmick being "annoying disinterested horndog". These non-characters keep going in circles slapping each other's asses and being not very funny for two thirds of the show, until a very generic "sensitive best friend is tempted by evil" drama plot appears because even yaoi shippers realize that eventually something has to happen, which boils down to Matakara going around slapping everyone's asses again, but now it's supposed to be sad. And then that doesn't work at all, because for character drama you need characters. Who knew.

Of course the funny bit is that this is pretty much what I asked for. I gave SKOO shit for only being good at the wacky parts while the heartfelt drama and more fleshed out characters fell flat. Well, now the director's followup work is just the wacky bits and feels completely hollow for it, and then the exaggerated drama lacks anything to back it up. Maybe just do better, I suppose. Oh yeah, and this also hasn't ended yet but with how completely predictable it is I feel like I've already seen the final episode. ~4/10

Undead Unluck

You can take the Shounen out of the Jump but you can't take the Jump out of the Shounen. I don't usually touch the Weekly Shounen Jump brand for good reasons, but Undead Unluck definitely had one of the strongest first impressions for one in a long time, if only because it has leads that aren't Goku and Vegeta again. But it also had a flashy, devil-may-care attitude with absurd nonsense happening left and right, a bonkers setting that is actually interesting in its own right and production value to back it up. In short, it was Fire Force with arguably better characters. When it's firing on all cylinders, Undead Unluck is a very fun time.

The problem is that Undead Unluck is firing on all cylinders about as often as a Cadillac V8-6-4 with a flaky ignition distributor. Primarily it has a massive padding problem: The amount of recapping and flashbacks to things that just happened is patently ridiculous and I say that as someone who has watched two seasons of My Hero Academia. If you include things like OP and ED, I feel like calling roughly a third of this show's runtime literally repeated content is not a wild exaggeration. And that's only literally repeated content – since this is Weekly Shounen Jump, there is also a lot of restating of facts and tedious explanations. I can't even blame this just on Jump Editorial, because a lot of the time it seems to be in service of hitting the right cliffhangers – but if both source and adaptation have severe pacing issues, it all compounds to the worst pacing in any show I've seen a considerable amount of.

And then, even in the coinflip of time when it's actually doing anything, it's obviously not always at its best either. This is honestly acceptable from a show that goes wild – with these you have to take the bad with the good. I didn't care much for the lazily metafictional final arc for example, but it would be perfectly fine if it didn't (quite expectedly at this point) do its core statement twice in as many episodes in a row, only with more screaming the second time. It's good when it's good, sure, but it would have to be outstandingly brilliant to make the whole thing worth it – which it isn't, so it's not. 5/10

Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete (Gushing over Magical Girls)

My standard line regarding any extra spicy fanservice anime show has always been "you know you can find real porn on the internet easily, right". Gushing over Magical Girls (which is, aint gonna lie, a genius title translation) is a pretty good example why: Even though it is pretty damn explicit, it still isn't on the level of actual porn, and then the extended moaning and wriggling sequences just take up so much of the time that it gets tedious pretty fast. And a lot of the "other" content of the show is just blatantly an excuse to make the porn happen. There's some edgy comedy too, but I think characters like Kiwi are more annoying than anything, so that didn't do much for me either. Then the middle section of the show is an excursion where our protagonist villains go sex up a couple of more villainous villains, which feels like it's missing the point even by its own standards. Also, be aware that with hentai content come hentai production values, and this one is definitely below average. None of this is particularly unusual.

However, I kept watching this one, and the reason is pretty simple: I don't actually object to spiciness in principle, and in the beginning the show did a pretty good job of portraying Utena's awakening to a bunch of fetishes. That she then started an awkward on-and-off anonymous BDSM relationship with an actual magical girl was even better. I honestly have to say that this is a brilliant concept, even if it wasn't executed to a level where I was certain it was intentional. Also, while it's arguably the "main plot", it's a fairly small part of the show and when it didn't show up much in the middle I was sure the show had lost me. I do have to admit though that against all odds, Gushing does stick the landing, with a final episode that really pays off that plotline in the best way you could reasonably (see above) expect. It's a bit of a rough ride, but this show delivers.

So I'm two minds about Gushing over Magical Girls. If you just consider it a hentai OVA that somehow escaped to television (which is not an unreasonable standpoint), it feels surprisingly ambitious and well thought out. But as a regular TV show, it just has too many weaknesses to ignore. Still, even though I can't call it good, I still think it's a more interesting curio than the score might make it sound. 5/10

Hime-sama "Goumon" no Jikan desu ('Tis Time For "Torture", Princess)

Oh no, this has "torture" in the title, what could it mean? Yeah, I think at this point everyone knows that it's a joke (one might even say... The Joke) and let's leave it at that. It feels like every season there's some fluffy and cute comedy that I quite enjoy for no profound reason. The Alleged Torture here simply doesn't do anything wrong, manages to find just about enough angles to its one joke to not get boring, and features nice designs and enough production value to deliver a smooth ride all the way to the end. It occasionally does something beyond its one joke, and that tends to turn out cute and chill as well, like Tortura's modest OL home life. Really the only thing I don't like about this is the manzai reaction antics of the sword – explaining the joke is always questionable, but it's especially so when there is exactly one punchline that never changes. In any case, this one is hardly essential and there are many others like it, but sometimes you just want something sweet and inoffensive that still puts the effort in. And this is definitely one of those. 6/10

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto (Apothecary Diaries)

I feel like I should like this show a lot more than I actually do. This is because it is made of great ingredients: Very nice looks, a setting with tons of potential, mostly interesting characters and in particular an amazing main character. Maomao is just great, she has tons of personality and a funny oddball charm that is tempered by a smart and stoic attitude. The beginning of the show, where Maomao plays the streetwise intruder into the stilted world of court intrigue and manages to cut through the bullshit like nobody else could, is pretty excellent.

However, as the show went on, it became clear that I just don't agree with the direction the plot takes. Of course it turns out that Maomao is actually deeply involved into the court drama in half a dozen ways (without ever telling the audience about it, which smells of retcon). Of course the focus shifts to other characters like Jinshi or later on Lakan, who are far less interesting. Of course there is a romance with Jinshi on the horizon. I don't want to be that guy that is mad that a show doesn't turn out to be what they had wished it to be, but it's still a letdown.

And that's not mentioning that the daily business of the show, various levels of detective work, is hardly solid gold either. It's just bad at mystery writing – most "cases" turn out to be massively contrived and then Maomao walks in and just guesses the solution out of nowhere. The large-scale mystery (who is Jinshi, really?) is not much of a mystery at all but Maomao can't figure it out because apparently she has to solve these complicated and tiny problems before she can realize the simple and obvious large one. And then there's the drama, which is effective enough in the moment but seems to be mostly built on a foundation of allegedly smart people acting much more stupid than they should.

So overall, I think this is still a good show simply because Maomao is fun to watch no matter what, but I just don't think the writing can quite hold up its part of the bargain, and that is kind of a bummer. 7/10

Yuuki Bakuhatsu Bang Bravern

Bang Bravern arrived with a simple, but quite amusing thesis statement: What if you had a tacticool, Armored Core-like mecha setting but then everything changed when a super robot show invaded. That's pretty funny. It also just so happens that Masami Oobari knows that the likes of Top Gun tend to have a certain undertone, and also made Bang Bravern explicitly homoerotic. That's even funnier. Add to this the fact that the epic super robot action genre is inherently hilariously over the top, and you have the makings of a very amusing show. Now, I could just leave it at that, because that's what Bravern is. An over the top and self-aware love letter to the super robot shows of old, with a couple of additional comedic angles.

In other words, it's like all super robot shows that have been made in the last two decades. Yeah, Bravern is undeniably quite entertaining, but I also don't think it's anywhere as unique as people seem to think it is. The "super in a world of reals" joke in particular doesn't really come into play that often, apart from when that side of the show keeps introducing dozens of characters that then proceed to not do anything apart from standing on the sidelines. The gay love affair does matter more often, but seems to run into diminishing returns because once you've done "come inside me" (which it does in like episode 3), you really have nowhere to go. And besides those two, well... it's charmingly exuberant and features all the goofy tropes, but it lacks the absurd hugeness of a TTGL or the meaningful subtext of a Gridman – and that's only shows that I have actually seen as a non-fan of the genre. I suppose fans will gladly take it anyway, because the genre is somewhat rare nowadays, but Bravern doesn't exactly blow me away. Still, you can't deny the fun. 7/10

Sousou no Frieren (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End)

So here we come to the big dog. The show that's pulling Doraemon numbers on Japanese TV, has been riding a comfortable #1 spot on MAL for months, and has inspired an unfathomable amount of porn. And the real surprising thing is that it's the first show in a very long time that I think comes even close to deserving that level of hype, especially early in its run when it absolutely isn't the kind of show you'd expect to do this – apart from the production values being about as good as TV anime gets, naturally.

Frieren starts out as an uniquely focused narrative that explores as many angles as it can out of a complicated mess of legacy, memory and regret through the lens of a pretty simple and generic RPG trope. It achieves this almost entirely through one of the best casts I've seen in a long time – Frieren may not be quite as charming a protagonist as Maomao, but she has much more depth and more importantly, every character that matters in her show is almost as good, and their relationships are even better. In its first-cours adventure mode, when we're just wandering around having more or less episodic encounters and plot points that drift in and out of focus with a wistful tone but splashes of goofy comedy, Frieren is quite excellent and would have been my show of last year if I had considered it eligible.

But then it slams in a new gear with the elegance of a tractor driver who thinks clutches are for pussies. Suddenly we're doing a proper Shounen Exam Arc and we're getting a lot less of this and a lot more of this. Now to be fair, this is a long running manga and it probably could not have kept doing flashbacks to Frieren being too dense to realize that Himmel was hitting on her 80 years ago forever. But still, the mage examination arc just really isn't Frieren at its best. It's not even that the content is particularly bad (maybe apart from the really quite rough beginning), and I do understand the long-term benefits of introducing a bigger cast of characters for future use, especially when they turn out to be quite good eventually... but it all just takes way too long. There's still great moments here, but that's usually a small segment of the established good stuff or, failing that, Frieren dropping a sick ass spell. Yeah, I won't even blame this on the action, because said action is incredibly well done and still quite brief, but you really didn't need a full season of theorycrafting and skill discussions to get those explosions. In short. Frieren temporarily turns into Full Metal Alchemist with better leads, and while this would be high praise for almost any shounen manga, it isn't for the one that has demonstrated it can do far better.

There is one real upside to this distraction arc though: Unlike, say, the plot problems of Apothecary Diaries that are here to stay, none of this irreversible, which Frieren immediately makes clear by snapping back to its best behaviour the second they leave the designated raid zones. The ending is as good as any part of the show, with the skillful writing and great tone we have come to wish for. Frieren may not be as consistently excellent as it first appeared, but it is still pretty damn good – and not on a purely superficial level either, because it obviously can have outstanding writing when it wants to and the fundamentals are rock solid too. 8/10

Yubisaki to Renren (A Sign of Affection)

And the top spot of the season goes to... a show that may not be the most ambitious, but does absolutely nothing wrong. Yubisaki to Renren is a fluffy romance where a very cute girl meets a very nice boy, and then no drama happens because not everyone in the world is a fucking idiot. I think my delight with this says more about the absolute state of romance anime than it does about the show itself, but I also have to say that while the plot of this show might be simplistic, it takes great care to set everything up in such a way to get away with said simplistic plot.

Obviously the core of the setup is that Yuki is deaf. But, quite smartly, the author doesn't make the story about Yuki's problems with not being able to hear, but rather about how her world is just... limited. And Itsuomi is a dude with an uncommonly wide worldview and experience. Opposites attract, and there you go. The show basically gets all the grounding it needs from that simple setup for free, then throws in a bit of complicated history among the larger cast. Then just make Yuki incredbly cute and Itsuomi an uncommonly levelheaded adult who will take measures to prevent any pointless drama before it gets out of hand, and you have a show that's just 100% a good time all the way through. So the leads (i.e., the thing that matters way above all else in a romance) are great, and the rest of the cast is more than fine too, even those who would instigate such drama – it can't get annoying, because they never succeed.

Really if I had to say something negative about this show it would be that it's still superficial compared to a show at its skill level that does go hard. I mean, it's about two nice people falling in love and nothing goes wrong, which isn't exactly a lot. There is maybe also the idea that Itsuomi may be a bit too perfect, but I'm just more than happy to see a male lead in a shoujo romance that is neither an abusive jerk nor a bland cardboard cutout. In a perfect world, something like Yubisaki to Renren should feel a bit bland and generic, but in the real one, there just isn't much like it. 9/10

[aritany]

sorry to be nosy, but do u have any insights as someone who went through a divorce at a young age?

don't be sorry - what a fascinating question! it's STORYTIME. i don't know if this is so much my 'insights' as it is ruminations, but i digress.

i guess my number one tip would be: don't marry a bigot,,,

i'm kidding. mostly.

i'm very transparent about why i got divorced (if you know me in real life, you know how true this is), but that's what it boiled down to. i got married VERY young, 95% due to deeply religious family on both sides, 5% because i truly believed i had found the person i was going to be with forever. if you're going to be together forever, why not just bite the bullet and get married young, right?

i came out to my ex-husband as bisexual super early on in our relationship (i think 2 months into dating) because i obviously needed him to a) know i was queer and b) be cool about it, and he was. if i recall, he said, "oh. ok, good for you."

(later, he told me that that moment was almost a dealbreaker for him. i NEVER would have known, based on how he reacted in the moment.)

as a married couple, we were awesome roommates and very good friends and overall a wonderful team. then i started properly deconstructing christianity around the same time i started thinking about gender, and covid hit immediately after. i didn't come out to anyone as nonbinary until march 2021, and when i did, he was the first person i talked to. he was... significantly less cool about it than he was with bisexuality.

here's the thing. he LOVED having a wife. in hindsight, it's really easy to see that i could have been anyone, and he was really ready to settle down. i have to give myself some credit, because i think i'm excellent, but i do think that to some extent i was in the right place at the right time and checked off a lot of his boxes. if that sounds a little cold to you -- a SHOCKING amount of cishet men do this. it's weird.

anyway, i was His Wife™, and while i was by no means a traditional christian wife, i was still a very she/her slay queen girly.

then i started committing sins. (got some tattoos. started writing about The Gays. started speaking out against the church. Cut My Hair Short [cue gasps]. started dressing more androgynously.)

he couldn't get his head around using gender neutral language for me. to his students (he was in education at the time) i was His Wife. to his family, i was His Wife, even after i came out to them too. classic wifeguy stuff.

my current partner (who is SO wonderful) was in the process of becoming that best friend you have really confusing gay feelings about, and had to deal with me talking about this and how i was just going to have to settle for being with this guy who wouldn't respect my gender, even when that disrespect started actually making my skin crawl when he'd get close. because hey, marriage is for life. it didn't even occur to me that we might get divorced until about 4 days before The Conversation. i was genuinely ready to stick it out with this guy who refused to really See me, because i thought that was what i had to do.

then came The Conversation. i'd been invited to be a bridesmaid in his sister's wedding and had agreed to wear a dress, because hey, it's her wedding. if she wants bridesmaids in dresses, sure. (i was still very much reeling from my own wedding, but that's another story i'll tell if anyone's curious.)

anyway. dresses. i go to a fitting. i stand there numbly while wearing the most godawful dress i'd ever seen, feeling like Garbage. i go home. i step in the door, i burst into tears. sobbing, on the couch, i tell him that something's not right. i can't wear a dress to this wedding.

i think that was when he realized i wasn't going to grow out of being nonbinary. we had a really long, brutal conversation, mostly about how i was probably going to want top surgery one day, that ultimately resulted in him ending our marriage.

"i can't make you be somebody you're not," he told me. "but you can't make me attracted to you."

that's right, folks! the thing that ended my marriage was my tits.

we'd sat through and endured many conversations in which i shared my feelings about the church, about christianity, about the patriarchy, about gender as a whole, but in the end, the thing he could not get his head around was a version of me that didn't have a chest.

i won't lie, that shit stung. the constant rejection of my gender expression had sort of eroded any romantic love i felt for him at that point, but he'd been my closest confidant for so long by that point that i really had to work through some shit about worthiness in the weeks after. it was just surreal to me that me With tits was good and worth being married to, but a hypothetical version of me with a flat chest was so repulsive that he'd rather end a marriage than endure it.

and like, i get being a boob guy (trust me), but damn.

p.s. some really interesting notes: he waited to have this conversation with me until literally the week after i received the first 5-figure portion of my book deal advance, which meant when we were settling affairs, it counted as "marital income" and he got half, and then he hired lawyers behind my back after we said we wouldn't do that.

in hindsight? maybe it was never about the tits at all. ;)