#it hurts. like it genuinely hurt to read this i couldnt even look at him this morning i had to stop drawing and step away for a few hours.
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Cyrus...
I'm at a loss for words. You poor soul.
#pokemon#pokemon cyrus#galactic boss cyrus#team galactic#pokemon dppt#teraleak#not art#this kind of makes me wanna cry? idk why just#oh god#the locket........................#he deserved better. he was hurting and in turn hurt others. no excuses on that but...#it hurts. like it genuinely hurt to read this i couldnt even look at him this morning i had to stop drawing and step away for a few hours.
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…actually. i just had a great idea
#surely one more couldnt hurt
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🛻 man-withareason Follow
🌇 ecliipsedsun Follow
HOLY FUCK IT'S REAL???
🎸 baka-sussy Follow
ok but how do we even know if the second one is actually kira like,,, the first guy killed some japanese news announcers n shit, this other one hasnt done anything
🪼 moonlesschild Follow
It says very clearly in the article that the Kira who first broadcast the tapes admitted that they were looking for the original Kira. No matter whether the "other guy's" response is genuine or not, the Kira who killed the news announcers is not the same Kira as the one who started killing in December. Can y'all please learn how to read
🐙 teraphilia Follow
omfg @watashi-wa-seigi our 2kira1L rp is happening irl????
🔎 watashi-wa-seigi Follow
oh my GOD. THEY CAN ACTUALLY SPITROAST HIM NOW THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER
🐙 teraphilia
THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME
🛻 man-withareason
can you all not do this on my post
#if the heart attack powers can actually spread i hope i get them #i'll rid the world of annoying tumblr users
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content-free reblogged content-free
#death note#unreality#caps#do i tag this with lawlightmane.#also content-free is a real blog you should check them out#& again. the links are real :)#death note tumblr#<- i should have a tag for these#they are concerningly fun to make
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Pantalone headcanons
Credit to Chieu.tatami on twitter 💜💜
You and Pantalone were close, close enough to be on talking terms and occassional tea. Maybe you were wrong but you could read through him and his facade, his indifferent attitude and lust for money was but a mask. One to protect himself from things he considers unbeneficial.
But thoughts are not always true afterall, maybe these thoughts were what you wished. When you worked alongst him you started gaining feelings towards him. Of course, you knew it was impossible between him and his job something like romance would never work.
"Ms y/n, Lord Pantalone requests your presence", your assistant said. It snapped you back to reality, what were you even thinking?
You knocked on his office door, money was no problem for you but you certainly were far from equal to him in terms of moras. His office proved so, the grand entrance, a wooden door carved by the finest artist in inazuma, plated with gold and the handle made of pure gold. Not to mention the interior which was luxurious but not overwhelming. It surely showed off his wealth but it wasn't tacky, more so elegant. The intricate carvings on the ceiling and the murals on the windows were just a background that made his wooden desk shine.
His desk was neat, papers stacked accordingly and not a single thing out of place. His smile plastered on his face eternal, he stood up and greeted you, "Well, hello y/n it has certainly been a long time, how was fontaine? You certainly kept me waiting, not replying to my letters" he chuckled.
Arrogant, you thought, but you loved that about him. You stared at him, unintionally but everything about him seemed so intentional from his perfume that smelled woody and the coats he wore made of the finest materials.
"Cat got your tounge?"
Have you been staring too long? You didnt even realize. You couldnt hold this anymore, you needed to do something desperately. Your feelings were overflowing and passion burnt out from your heart. Its no lie that you love him, it wasn't just a crush it was truly love.
"Its hard to be around you when i like you and i know you dont feel the same way", you said meekly. Maybe you shouldnt have, what if it ruined everything you had. Or what if he thought of you as a fool.
"I know darling, don't mistake me for a fool, i see the way you look at me every time" he smiled, but it was a genuine one not just the cunning smile he put on display for business. He was a proud man, he thought he would never say it back so thats all he said.
"You may leave now, if thats all"
What? Was this all a game, a joke to entertain him? He was the one who called you, was this the reason? All sorts of questions rushed to your brain and you wanted to run out, anywhere but near him.
You walked towards the door slowly, hiding how hurt you felt, the fact that he barely acknowledged you and told you to go as if it meant nothing. But something stopped you, maybe he regretted it. Pantalone held your hand in a bruising grip right as you were about to touch the door handle, he stepped closer to you. Enough to feel his warm breath.
"What? You didnt think id let you go so easily wouldnt you?"
He caged you around his arms and helf your waist, he hesitated but soon lust overcame him, his lips nearing towards your own catching it into a deep passionate kiss.
"Open up", he demanded. You slowly opened your mouth to let his tounge explore your mouth. His tounge reached every corner of your mouth while his hands rubbed your hips. The kiss ended with the both of you gasping for air.
He smirked at you, his eyes full of passion still. "Lets continue this elsewhere shal we"
#genshin impact#pantalones#pantalone fluff#pantalone smut#pantalone x reader#pantalone fatui#pantalone headcanons#genshin x reader#genshin fluff#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact fanfics#genshin smut
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this is the march event
*beep boop beep bop boop beep*
yes, hi, aven?? topaz? jade (...?) (yknow what its kinda crazy we know 3 stonehearts. i mean i dont think we know jade that well but man we have connections.)
can yall fire this dude. hes. genuinely so bad at his job. and gives the ipc a bad name. like seriously
is it legal to just bring mechs in a public area that are clearly very dangerous? he says its for his safety but i say its a threat. like theyre not doing anything but bruh its like he's walking around with some big ass gun out. or a chainsaw. like hello??? (idk if there are people in there but like. HELLO?? if they're bodyguards they dont need to be RIGHT THERE. because where were they before then??)
also oh my god
he doesnt want to look bad in front of clients. but that means his 'clients' are xianzhou people right?
and he just insulted xianzhou swordplay
also you literally got told to not do anything because street fighting is illegal, BY the. the the people in CHARGE OF the lAW
you ACKNOWLEDGE that there is a CLOUD KNIGHT right THERE
you were SPECIFICALLY WARNED
and
that doesnt sound very friendly does it
i swear theres genuinely like a law where youre not allowed to threaten people or something because it could be taken as.. something something???? ??? maybe im tripping and it was actually in regards to death threats but like ... d u d e why make excuses youre making urself sound so bad
are you dumb
im. genuinely so frustrated at thsi guy. i didnt think id still hate him BUT I DO oh my god. like. AT LEAST dont be an asshole where people who have the authority TO ARREST YOU ARE THERE like CMON???? HELLO??? at least make an attempt to pretend to be NOT THAT
let me get this straight
its ONE PERSON vs who knows how many mechs
i dont think thats fair. not to mention those mechs have probably been improved upon time and time again for years, meanwhile march will have only been improving for 15 days
also i have no fucking idea if there are people inside those mechs. b ut if there are. THEN THERE SHOULD ONLY BE ONE MECH FIGHTING HER. or its not fair. at all. not to mention its probably even more difficult because theres fuckin metal. armor. shit.
LMFAOOO HES NOT OVER IT. dude just let it go i feel embarrassed for you
PREACH
stop digging yourself into a deeper hole im begging you
no offense to the voice actor but genuinely its characters like these that i actually cant listen to their voice because i just. hate them. like the character NOT the va. because they're saying hurtful insulting things and im just like. if i want to actually read whats going on instead of skipping through it (as a person who has done it before and then stopped to read through the log) i genuinely have to mute because the way it infuriates me 😭 (the other time was like i think possessed fu xuan ? cant remember if that one was being super annoying or if i was just having a bad day and couldnt deal with it.)
anyway id like to think im partway through the wardance story so far but i have no idea. anyway i just realized i can do march event now. and also this is BEFORE wardance
and at the story im at like the day before the wardance so uhhh
i should be doing it cause its in order. also im procrastinating because im NOT ready to see everything that happened in the trailer because holy shit that was insane
ALSO because cutscenes keep lagging for me so its kinda irritating. theres videos already of just the cutscenes so im watching them from there because i genuinely cant tell wtf is happening since it freezes in game. which sucks cause i love watching cutscenes sfhdsuifhsf
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What you wrote about giving blowjobs was just one of the most beautiful descriptions of that sex act I've ever read, and I've read a fair few sexology books.
The isolated point of focus? The strangeness of being physically close but also still kind of far away from them, from their face, their breath and expressions? It's not something that's discussed but I've always been fascinated with the physical spatiality of sex. Camera angles in porn and movies can also make lovers look oddly far away from each other, whereas it's not that far irl. it's like looking at your foot and thinking it's so far away from your body yet it's still part of you and controlled by you. I also think dicks have this energy - a hard dick is just there, it almost doesnt look like it can fit or belong to the body haha (see those steve + jeans gifs you posted - he is BUSTIN out of those pants hahaha it's obscene!)
i too want that magic for mike and will - imagine how will would feel when he looked up and saw that mike was not only allowing him to do this, but enjoying it? and thank you as well for talking about this because i definitely grew up thinking that giving a BJ was debasing and i would only ever be at the whim of the man, and that he might even do something that would hurt me because it felt good for him (happened to lots of friends) and i couldnt find a way to make that kind of submission gel with my values, so i've ended up avoiding giving BJs in general. reading fic and seeing headcanons like this makes me feel like it could be possible i would find a partner who is respectful and let's me 'go at my own pace' like you said. maybe its just because i can't believe i would ever be able to make anyone give me 'that expression' just by touching them.
vinny i genuinely thought your fav sex act would be the same as will's (🍑🍑🍑), so im surprised by this revelation! hehe
Oh geez, that makes me feel some sort of way, so thank you 😌 If you have a passion, speak from the heart I suppose 🤣🤣🤣
But jokes aside, it's the honest truth! What I hope I do here is give a little different sort of introspection and just a different viewpoint on this sort of stuff, because I just enjoy speaking freely and honestly, sure there's fun in the crude and silly, but I also think that bringing back a little romanticism to talking about sex just helps when the vibes too many places only treat it as a total joke or a taboo. Normalize. Get a little lofty. Embrace being passionate. Explore a fantasy. Look at things from different viewpoints. I'm a really, really sappy guy. I'm know I'm pretty different. And I like that.
Glad you enjoyed my vision for them, it's just so!!! Yeah. And everyone has different journeys. I've alluded to certain things about myself and your mindset and comfort levels and interests can change over time. Or you decide, hey, that's actually not for me. But at least thinking and considering things is good, no matter what. We're always learning and growing.
And we would think, right??? Hahaha. Definitely a big fan, but not quite the number one. I don't know, I can't explain it. Well, I totally can, but something about framing personal insight through the guise of fictional characters is one thing, but when i shift too specifically and too directly about myself, it feels overly graphic haha. But I uhhhhh. I really really love doing that. It is what it is. Live without shame I guess, that's what I've been trying to say 😘😉
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I WAS SO OUT OF FOCUS I ENDED MY SCARDUBS RANT BAD HI ITS ME HI HI. THIS IS A PART 2 EVERYONE NEW TO THIS ASK READ PART ONE IF YOU WANT IDC I DONT CONTROL YOU ITS 5AM I HAVENT SLEPT
OKAY SO
BDUBS WAS FURIOUS WHEN HE AGREED TO ATTACK SCAR. HE HAD WANTED TO, HE WANTED IT TO HURT, HE KNEW HE COULD HURT
BUT I THINK THAT SEEING THE FEAR BETRAYAL HURT IN SCARS FACE AS HIS SWORD CUT THROUGH HIS SKIN CAUGHT HIM OFF GUARD. YEAH, HE WAS FURIOUS AT SCAR IN A WAY HE KNEW HE HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE, BUT SEEING THAT LOOK ON SCARS FACE WASNT WHAT HE EXPECTED. THE WEIGHT OF WHAT HE WAS DOING TRULY SET ON HIS SHOULDERS AND HIS HEART BROKE.
WHEN HE SAW SCAR PULL BACK THE STRING OF THE BOW, SHAKING AND TREMBLING, HE UNDERSTOOD. SCAR HAD FORGOTTEN THE WEIGHT LIKE BDUBS MUST HAVE, BDUBS WAS SURPRISED TO SEE IT ACTUALLY HURT SCAR.
HE UNDERSTOOD THAT THIS IS AN AWFUL PLACE TO BE IN, WHEN YOURE SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND YOUR ACTIONS HAVE A WEIGHT YOURE NOT USED TO. A WEIGHT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BEGIN TO NAVIGATE OR HANDLE. THEY DID HORRIBLE THINGS BUT ITS THEIR SITUATION, NOT THEM. THEY CAN MOVE PAST IT
BDUBS *APOLOGISED*. HE TRIED TO FIX IT. FOR JUST A MOMENT, HIS ANGER WAS AT THE WORLD, NOT SCAR
BUT THEN SCAR BRUSHED OFF WHAT HE DID, WHILE BEING UPSET WITH WHAT BDUBS DID
HE WHINED AND WHINGED AND COMPLAINED ABOUT NO NO, **HE** DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG BUT BDUBS DID. IT WAS DURING A GAME BUT BDUBS WAS OUT OF NOWHERE
OUT OF NOWHERE????
A GAME THEY WERE WORKING TOGETHER IN. THEY WERE ALL GOING TO WIN WITH MINIMAL HARM. IT WASNT JUST OUT OF NOWHERE, IT WAS DURING A MOMENT OF HEARTFELT COMPASSION AND TRUST IN A TASK THAT WAS MEANT TO HURT THEM ALL
OUT OF NOWHERE????
SCAR WAS MAD AT HIM FOR RETALIATING AGAINST SCAR ***KILLING HIM***. IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN MORE THAN, WHAT, SEVEN HEARTS?
BDUBS DIDNT THINK HE WAS EVER ANGRIER. HE KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT ANGER. NOT WITH THE RESTRICTIONS, NOT WHEN HE WAS FULLY UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING TO HARM SCAR HOW SCAR HAD HARMED HIM. NOT WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD DO TO HURT SCAR OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE GOT IT THROUGH HIS THICK HEAD
NOT WHEN THEY HAD A TASK TO COMPLETE TOGETHER
YOU EVER HEARD OF SUPERHEATED WATER??? ITS WHEN THE WATER MOLECULES THEMSELVES GET HEATED IN THE MICROWAVE, INSTEAD OF THE CONTAINER. IT LEADS TO THE WATER BEING COMPLETELY STILL UNTIL SOMETHING BREAKS THE SURFACE TENSION. ONLY THEN DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT'S BOILING
THAT WAS BDUBS!!!!
BDUBS WAS DETERMINED TO PUT IT ASIDE FOR NOW, THEY HAD A CHALLENGE TO COMPLETE. AND UNLIKE SOMEONE, HE WAS A MAN OF HIS WORD. HE WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE ALL THREE OF THEM SUCCEEDED. HE WASNT GOING TO BETRAY THEM LIKE SCAR HAD HIM, EVEN AFTER SCAR ***KILLED HIM***
AND SCAR? SCAR JUST SAW STILL WATER. HE DIDNT SEE THE BOILING BUBBLING ANGER WHEN HE AND BDUBS WORKED TOGETHER ON THEIR TASK. WHEN BDUBS HELPED HIM COMPLETE IT HIMSELF, HE ASSUMED THAT MEANT ALL IS WELL
NOW TELL ME
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMETHING BREAKS THE SURFACE TENSION
Giggles part 1 here
Bro honestly the fact that Scar got mad at BDUBS for fair and square retaliating OHHHHHH god you're so right actually. I think bdubs would've probably let it go it bitterly if scar genuinely apologised and took it as them being even but saying bdubs HIT HIM OUT OF NOWHERE. OHHHHH
this is bdubs' season baby, Bdubs who always put himself in the side character's shoes learning to be the main character (killing the ender dragon), having OTHER PEOPLE work to get him to the top (pearl rooting for him) and now babygirl's holding grudges because he's LEARNED HIS WORTH BABYYYYY OUGHHHHHGHG I HOPE HE KILLS SCAR I HOPE NEXT SESSION SEES HIS RAGE GROW OHHHHHH I WANT THE SCARDUBS TO BE SO DRAMATIC. OH BABEY
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nah cuz i just finished weak hero class 1 and that shit was so fucking good 😭😭. so many emotions and just wow the acting was phenomenal and the way the whole series was filmed and the ost was all just so perfect and contributed sm to how the drama turned out. and even though a lot of things were lowk diff from the webtoon it still stuck with the mainplot which i thought was weird at first but after finishing it props to the director and writer bc it turned out so well. specifically bc i felt more emotionally invested in beom seok then with bryce in the webtoon (more on this l8r)
and also im p much caught up on the webtoon but this drama still had me at the edge like 😧 i knew what was going to happen but i was still nervous asf and it was so thrilling
WEAK HERO CLASS 1 SPOILERS UNDER CUT !!!!
like i knew that beom seok wld eventually betray them but i still lowk got attached bc of how it was just so nice to see them all together laughing and having fun. and i knew the slight red flags like when beom seok checked his instagram and soo hos instagram to see if he followed back but it was just so... 🙁🙁 nice to see them together it made me so happy😭
but yeah the mix of emotions i had for beom seok.. like i hate him. hes a coward and he did irredeamable things but at the same time i feel for him. no child should go thru that type of abuse and neglect from anyone. especially from people who are there to nurture and love...
i think yk that and him being bullied in his previous school contributed A LOT as to why he turned out the way he is. ofc its not an excuse, its never an excuse but i think its def an explanation.
but i really got so angry when specifically he hired the guy to beat up soo ho for the like the 3rd time and after the boxing scene when he went up and started kicking soo ho on the head and stomach repeatedly. and also when he started to cry after realizing that soo ho wasnt breathing and how he was in a coma like mfw...😭?? not to mention the way he continued to blame young yi for the friendship falling apart.. like bro...you did that to yourself ☠️
but the thing is i dont think ill ever be able to fully hate him ??? ITS SUCH A WEIRD AND COMPLEX FEELING. like i genuinely believe that if he grew up in a loving and stable home he wldve never turned out like that. he wldve been such a sweet person😭😭. and ik that not all abuse victims turn out to be terrible people like him but idk i feel like he rlly wldve been so much better if he grew up with parents who genuinely wanted him and not just as a public stunt. even if he got therapy i think he wldve improved lowk.
but like man when episode 8 started off with all of them in the classroom on cleaning duty, just laughing and being friends that fr broke me 😕 + that whole scene when si eun was gettting revenge but couldnt hit beom seok and left the classroom and when people tried to stop him he like ounched the window next to him and started screaming LIKE MANN THAT HIT SO HARD😭😭😭 cuz hes supposed to be the smart composed person but when he started yelling it just hurt so bad 🫠
and man when i saw the eunjang sign,, the way i legit screamed ☠️☠️ IM SO EXCITED 😭
ALSO,, even though i havent watched a lot of dramas this year i think this drama is definitely one of the best, at least, its my personal favorite. and i might be biased bc ive been reading weak hero since i was in middle skl and it has a special place in my heart but idc its literally so well done😭😭 anyways my god this got way too long LMFAO and to anyone whos still reading this thanks for listening to my ramble and look at these photos from the actors instagrams 😭😭
TLDR: weak hero manhwa > weak hero kdrama but the kdrama was still pretty good wish they stuck more to the og manhwa but it turned out good so im not thaaat mad about it and im actually very psyched for s2 to come out and tbh just grateful we got a kdrama😭 +++ the OST is absolutely wonderful😞
#im deffo softhearted for anything weak hero but this drama was genuinely so good 😞💔#i genuinely cant express the excitement i have for s2 to be released#i NEED IT#like NOW 😭#weak hero#weak hero class 1#kdrama#webtoon#+🗯
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Had a very triggering S/A dream that kept starting over and over lastnight. I havent felt this unreal and like im outside my body in a minute. My brain feels… foggy.
One thing I can look forward to today is, working out. First day back in the gym in years. I’m excited to make this change to my body. I deserve to feel good about myself and have a feeling this will really help in doing that.
I’m going back to school in the fall. I feel this should help me feel good about myself as well.
I had to ask my dad a very serious question the other day. “You’ve known me my whole life. Answer me seriously. Do you think i’ve done nothing with my life ?” And he sort of scoffed as in he couldnt believe I asked it. And said “No.” and I said “Really? Even with how old I am, dont you think I should have a degree by now?” And he said “I also didn’t have a degree til my 30’s as well.”
I thanked him and told him I loved him. I walked back into my room and held back tears, only because I had just put make up on. And I went back out there, still having a small bit of doubt in my mind. I asked “And you’re not saying that because you’re trying to not hurt my feelings right? You genuinely believe I have done something with my life so far?” And he looked annoyed (because I obviously showed I didnt believe him) and he said “Yes. I believe you had.” I thanked him and told him that I just have been feeling this way about myself.
The thing is… I knew I have done something with my life. I’ve done many things. I’ve gone through so much and came out on top of it all. Not saying I’m fixed or completely healed. But I knew I had done the best for myself when I was able to move home, back to the place that completely broke me, where I broke myself. I was able to look at it head on and say to myself(and believe it)”I got this. I’ll be okay. Because I have every tool I need to be the best me I can be. I can get through nearly everything.”
Being a spiritual person has helped me in ways I can not imagine. That’s a subject that will definitely need a whole separate post. But these are my thoughts at the moment. Have a good day. If anyone reads this.
#depression#healing#self compassion#motivation#family#SA#recovery#anxiety#self help#spiritualhealing#spiritual development
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very much agreed. recently had to get an appointement with an orthopaedic doctor for some disability documentation.
i went to a local doc (in new city) with pretty good opinnions in the internet, he never met me nor heard about my health case, my surgeries or what is happening currently with me. and so i tried to tell him my story.
i tell him what it did for my health how after a bit of bone transplant from leg i had my foot disfigured. had few surgeries and how even now over 10 years later that leg is still constantly in pain. and hoped to have maybe a bit of insight as to what to do with it with a fresh look of a new doc. he didnt even take a look at my leg. well he said nothing should hurt me and if it does its imaginary. that i'm lying for attention and that i should not have a disability level that i tried to get. that in *his* opinnion i'm just a stupid kid who want to exploit system.
ummm no sir it hurts like hell and my leg gets swollen way too easy and i have troubles walking standing or carring anything heavier. he gave me a bullshit paper for my documentation (that didnt even mention my leg problems whatsoever. only hand mention) that i rather wipe my ass with with how usefull it is, and sent me home.
some time later i managed to get an appointment with different specialist in different city through connections. even tho this doctor was running between few surgeries to give me a bit of time outside of his schedule he throughoutly read my health history, took a good look at my leg. made an xray of it immidiately and wow surprise we found why it hurts like hell. after over 20years after transplant the bone never reconeccted and the two seperated parts degraded in such a way its now two pointy sharp as hell sticks in my leg piercing into my muscles with every move. fun.
doc was kinda terrified of how i can walk with seeing how sharp the bits were but he couldnt really find any solution at time, but he said he'll look into it and consult some other specialists in field. also he gave me an actual insightful document with full opinnion that i needed.
but was it difficult to just sent me to xray?? no. was it dificult to sit there with a patient on your work time as it was scheduled and listen to their problems? no. but the first guy nonetheless didnt bother while the second doctor did it all even outside of his schedule and tried his best and was genuinely sympathetic which really make a difference
as someone who has been in and out of hospitals for a while (surgeries, tests, check ups ect) - kind and gentle doctors, nurses and workers who dont mind clarifying, explaining, reassuring without annoyance, make or break the whole situation
#sorry for rambling under your post#i just feel it so much and it wasnt even the fist time i had similar issues but it was the most recent one
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wedesday morning
he's still asleep. i wasnt gonna get up yet. i was gonna sleep in on my weekend, like i always tell myself im gonna do bc i hate getting up early. its only 8am, and im glad im not waking up at 10 or something. i couldnt get his keyboard to work. he has this whole setup now, and i love it bc im totally gonna write more. im totally gonna make more art now.
we got a desk for the room. it reminds me of my old desk, at the house with all the memories. that was my little studio. i have so many memories in that desk. so many dark moments, too. but i like to look back at those years, i love to imagine myself back there, but i cant. its like i know i cant go back, but i just wish there was some way i could grasp it just enough to get those emotions i used to feel, to somehow be that person again for just a half of a second.
id like to think id be satisfied with half a second, but id probably hold on too tight if i found a way to do that, and never let go.
i had this little square of wood. im not sure what youd call it, what i used it for. it was my special block though, and i miss it. i miss how i used to create. so genuine and so easily. not always, but i let myself back then. i havnt let myself create like that in years.
its kinda funny, when i was 14 or 15 i would write these stories about how one day i got out of there, i escaped that stupid little town, i left and i never looked back, i created the life i wanted. in most of them, though, i just met someone and they saved me. they took me far away and i loved them forever. in most of them, if im being honest, tj came back.
he came back just like i fantasized about every night for months and then years. i dont remember when i fell out of love with him. it was longer than a year. i waited all that year, knowing he was gone but i couldnt handle it. i think i sent him an email once, and he probably didnt even log into his account, its probably sitting in there still.
id look at these pictures i had of him, and id think about how i could see us together in the future. i always thought about how hed be such an amazing dad. i wrote so many letters to him, i never sent them. i couldnt even give him that note id worked so hard on the day he left.
it took a really really long time for me to heal from that boy. and now that i dont idolize him, i cant imagine ever falling for someone that way again. i dont know how i could have, i didnt even know him. i think he was just the only boy whod ever given me some sort of hope that i wasnt unlikable.
so i did need that. i needed to learn all those lessons that taught me. i needed all those moments from that time period that ill never be able to remember.
all i know is i miss my childhood so much it hurts. id give almost anything to go back, and im not supposed to say that, bc i thought id let go of it ages ago, for the last time. i thought id accepted it was over and decided to finally live for that girl i used to be.
its kinda funny how all the little parts of our lives flow together so nicely when you look back, despite how incredibly different we were, how differnt the times were.
im still not sure when my depression was at its worst. there was one fall-summer that i wasnt there. i didnt exist. i dont remember myself.
id wake up at like 5pm and go out, id walk to the library and grab a random book, id go take my walk and sit by the water or stand on the bridge looking out at it. it was always so cold, but i dont remember being cold. i just remember the street lights, the snow, the music, the pain.
id get home and start reading, and then it would be 6am and id have finished that book, and i went to bed and cried myself to sleep, and then it would happen all over again.
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david was leaning against the doorway of the so-called "home depot room" (dubbed that by the braincell david and adam share). it wasnt very often that he walked down to this section of their little hideout, but he would occasionally come down just to see how the buildings were coming along, maybe to inform someone about a switch or update in their plans.
he hummed at logans response, nodding slowly. the shorter shifted his pose, going from a cross armed "i came in here to spy on you" position to a hands in pocket "im going to try and pick a fight with you but lose miserably because im miserable" position. he was always rather awkward- not just around logan, but around everyone else too.
it wasnt that he wasnt used to being around them. he was painfully aware of everyone. it was more-so that he just didnt know how to act. he was so used to faking shit that he didnt know how to be genuine. "i thought i recognized you."
he tried his best to have no reaction to the hand on his jaw. it wasn't like this was super gay or anything. they were chill. this was fine. why was logan looking at him like that? did he do something wrong? was he interrupting him? was this one of those war flashback things he had read about?
when logan started to speak again, david panicked internally despite his cool guy face. especially when his thumbs touched over his scarring. they had always been a small trigger for him. he swallowed hard and forced himself to relax, instead focusing on the words he was speaking.
was it really that obvious? he understood why logan felt the way he did. he was called a 'debby-downer' by one of the nurses he spoke with the most. even some of the other orderlies mentioned it. he always paid no mind to it. for some reason though, hearing it from logan hurt. he felt a little guilty due to it.
david couldnt help the small feeling of pride when logan told him how well he was doing. he laughed airily, resting just the tip of his fingers on the blonde's knuckles. "i wouldnt say im doing like..god's work or anything." he shrugged dismissively. "then again i wasnt doing much over at the hospital either."
he tapped on his hand a few times, a little fidgety. "you all do so fuckin' much for john and what do i do? get info on losers who've done something wrong? i mean, hell, you craft up amazing shit!" he motioned to the table behind them, full of steel and equipment, "i get the whole..second chance thing but i wanna do more..i wanna do something - be someone. i dont feel like im..well as you put it - flourishing."
Heyy..Logan - I feel like I've seen you around other than yk - jigsaw. Do you by any chance work at a hospital? -David
@trapped-twins <3
[ Logan ]
Turning to look over his shoulder at David, Logan raised a brow before setting aside the heavy steel he'd been about to solder. Removing and setting aside the safety gear he'd been wearing, he reached over to grab his water bottle, though he didn't uncap it. Mostly, it was just something to fiddle with. Fully facing him, Logan pushed his hip into the desk and crossed his arms over his stomach as he nodded, then paused. Shaking his head after a second, he chuckled a little bit.
“I did. I'm at the city morgue, now. When we… Before we met officially, I worked at the same hospital you did. I was a nurse, you were an orderly in my section.” He informed with a little smile tugging at the corners of his lips. It was a gentle twitch, but definitely something that David could pick up on.
Pushing off of the desk, he sauntered over, reaching out to take David's jaw in one hand. Lifting the other's head to look him in the eyes, his expression was grim and his eyes as intense as they were distant for a moment. It was almost like he was looking right through David, instead of at him. Then, he seemed to focus and that little, closed-lipped smile returned to his face and he sighed softly.
“You were so sad,” His voice was quiet as he spoke, tender as both hands cupped David's cheeks and his thumbs brushed the scars on them, “I didn't like seeing you like that. Hurting, feigning apathy… I was like that, too. I remembered what that was like, and I wanted better for you. John gave me a new life, and I wanted to give that gift to you, too.”
After a few seconds, his hands hovered barely a few centimeters from David's skin. It was almost like he was having second thoughts about the contact, but after a beat, he returned those warm hands to David's face. Everyone always expected him to be cold to the touch—clinical like he was at work—but he always surprised them. Maybe he hadn't surprised David so much, but he was sure that he could have. He would have believed him if he'd said he'd thought as much, too.
“And look at you, now! You're flourishing, you've found your new lease on life. I'm proud of you every day." Not like David really needed that out of him, but he couldn't stop himself from saying it, "You're doing such a good job here, I think you've found your niche. Here, with us.” There was a short pause and his voice dropped a little lower, softer, “With me.”
#i play russian roulette every day a mans sport with a bullet called life! ➸ david#im gonna give you my love wanna whole lotta love? ➸ david and logan#i hope this is good enough....#watch out for that piranha! ➸ roleplays
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2 things:
Argyle will be COMPLETELY stoned the entire season and he'll just think he's on the craziest *trip* that he's ever been on.
Now, can I ask do you like Mileven together or do you ship Byler? Or do you stay out of shipping? Or you don't care who's with who, as long as everyone is happy?
I think Will has a major crush on Mike. Mike loves Will. Like he truly loves Will but just in the general type of love, a platonic type of love. If Mike finds out that Will likes him as more than a friend, I think Mike will handle the situation well. He will try to let Will down easy and then be a supportive best friend, no shaming.
first of all the concept of argyle thinking he’s tripping the entire time is so fucking funny i love that so much.
second, yes i do ship byler and i genuinely do believe it’ll happen. at first after season two i just thought “aw theyd be cute together” but then season three came out and i saw how unhealthy mileven was and all the evidence people shared on here that leaned towards byler and i was like “oh shit theyre actually doing this”. i thought mileven was really cute in season one and when they reunited in season two but then when we saw them as an actual couple they were really rough. i do want every character to be happy but i dont think mileven is right now.
im gonna share the biggest things or evidence that totally convinced me byler is the direction the duffers are heading. this might be long. not trying to be like “YOU MUST SHIP BYLER AND HERES WHY” but you seem nice and open to either so id like to show you what sold me on byler and im curious to hear your opinions on it after you read this. there’s plenty of things that show wills feelings so i’ll focus on mike since you already believe will loves mike.
1. the break up scene vs the rain fight scene
this is the biggest one for me by far. i study film and every color pallet in scenes, every song they choose, even the weather is very much intentional!! the mileven break up is super saturated, in broad daylight, and has a very humorous tone. they couldve easily made this a heartbreaking scene but they chose not to. also theyre not alone its not a moment between just the two of them.
the rain fight on the other hand is the complete opposite. it’s very blue, theres harsh shadows, its pouring rain, and the mood is much more emotional and hurt and they’re alone.
looking at these stills next to each other even if you didnt have the context at all you would be able to tell which interaction is more emotional and means more to the characters.
also look at the difference in mikes face after el and will’s last word. for el he just looks annoyed and for will he looks so hurt.
last point on these two. look at the difference between el and wills reactions to these interactions. i know you said you do believe will loves mike but look at el’s reaction. she doesn’t love him as much as she thinks she does either. why would she be laughing and highfiving?
2. the way the last mileven kiss is framed!!!!
again with the film shit, THIS IS INTENTIONAL. look how mike is not only in a closet, but the door to the closet is perfectly dividing their kiss. this to me convinced me that mikes gay not bi or anything else. some people think he’s bi but they wouldnt have the closet perfectly divide them if he was bi bc that wouldnt be the reason for them breaking up. they could have angled this kiss so many ways if the door wasnt directly in the middle of them i mightve thought it was a coincidence but it is. also not to mention his eyes are wide open, he didnt kiss her back, and he couldnt say he loves her to her face.
3. this tweet
i dont blame people who dont read into social media posts about byler. i normally dont but like come on why did they tweet this lmao there’s no other meaning to this than implying hes afraid of the idea of liking girls sexually.
those are the biggest things for me personally. theres lots of other shit with wills feelings but i just focused on mike. sorry that was kinda long but id love to hear what you think after this!
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not telling them you’re pregnant - f!reader
- fluff, sliiiight angst maybe
- characters: suna, sakusa, semi
- warnings: pregnancy (i don’t go into detail of giving birth or anything), cravings, morning sickness aka throwing up, two mention of the act of sex in semi’s, some cursing
- wc: 1.4k, 888, 946
a/n: it’s f!reader cuz pregnancy but there’s no specific pronouns/gendered terms used
also idk how suna got so long, he was the last one i wrote for bc i couldnt think of anything lmao
[2. iwaizumi, atsumu, kageyama]
SUNA
#! suna has been practicing late into the night the past few weeks
#! there’s a big game coming up and the entire team is feeling the pressure and adrenaline from the crunch time
#! you haven’t been feeling too good lately, a lot heavier and more tired than usual
#! thinking it was just stress from work and the missing presence of your boyfriend, you pushed through it and thought it would go away in the next few days
#! unfortunately, luck wasn’t on your side and you started to get sudden needs to throw up
#! it didn’t take you long to realize why your physical and mental drive have been down lately
#! you’re pregnant
#! or you believe you are
#! you bought a few tests, some of different brands so you can have a variety, and headed home to confirm your suspicion
#! a few minutes later, staring back at you was multiple positive symbols and the bolded ‘PREGNANT’s
#! taking a few deep breaths, you decided to tell suna tonight once he comes home
#! you thought it was better to let him know as soon as possible
#! it wouldn’t hurt anyone plus the faster you rip the bandaid off, the easier it’ll be to deal with it
#! so you waited
#! and waited
#! until 11pm that night, when suna finally came through the front door
#! “tarō! how was practice? can we talk?” you hurriedly greeted him
#! he was taken aback, not expecting you to be right beside him and in his ear as soon as he came in
#! of course you weren’t, you made sure to put some space in between you and him
#! but suna was stressed and tired, so everything is intensified to him at the moment
#! “can you back up?” he mumbled, pushing his way from in front of you to walk to the kitchen
#! “oh, sorry. can we talk?” you sheepishly smiled, hoping he would say yes
#! you’re not blind, you can tell that suna was tired but you really didn’t wanna put this off
#! you were just gonna tell him, he gets surprised, you both talk it out, and then go to bed and continue figuring things out tomorrow morning
#! but before any of that can happen, suna bluntly told you, “no. i’m tired. i’m sure whatever it is isn’t a big deal. can it be tomorrow? i wanna sleep.”
#! you didn’t get to answer before he was already walking away to the bedroom
#! understanding where he was coming from, you mentally agreed to talk to him tomorrow. one day wouldn’t change anything and you’ve seen plenty of people not tell their partners until a few weeks in
#! he was right, it wasn’t a big deal (yet)
#! so you waited until tomorrow
#! and waited
#! and once again, he came home late
#! “hey! can we quickly talk, babe?”
#! “i’m tired. tomorrow, okay?”
#! “oh, okay. night, rin!”
#! “g’night.”
#! night came and there was still no talk
#! this continued on for about 2 weeks, you finally choosing to not care anymore and just let him find out whenever he finds out
#! technically, you could’ve just blurted out a simple, “i’m pregnant.” any point during your nightly five seconds conversations
#! but seeing that he really was tired, springing it onto him would either put him in a full body shock for three days or he just doesn’t fully process your words until three days after
#! a month has passed, your stomach was still barely showing like most women at their one month mark
#! you decided to book an appointment for a checkup, it’ll be while suna’s at practice
#! and that doctor appointment was the exact reason suna found out
#! he was at practice when komori entered the gym
#! he had a doctor’s appointment for his annual checkup, and that’s where he saw you
#! you didn’t see komori, busy reading the directory to find your way to the right office
#! but he saw you on the way out. seeing that you looked a bit busy, he chose not to greet you and just quickly walk to his car lmao why is this funny to me
#! entering the gym, he greeted everyone and apologized for his tardiness even though it was excused
#! walking up to suna, he tapped him on the shoulder and quietly told him, “i saw yn at the hospital earlier. it’s been awhile since we all got together huh, they looked a bit different.”
#! ok so komori, being the smart person he is, deducted that you were pregnant when he saw your finger pointing at the ob/gyn office
#! and he genuinely thought suna knew so his comment was suppose to be a small joke that was meant to tease suna and his sex life
#! suna, however, was confused
#! look different? did you get surgery?
#! “what do you mean?”
#! komori rolled his eyes and gave a sweet smile at suna, “congrats you two! when were you gonna tell the rest of us?”
#! suna: 👨🦲 huh
#! “are you guys not pregnant?” he blinked at suna’s frozen reaction
#! suna became unresponsive so komori just walked away mumbling to himself about being sure he read the sign right
#! a loud whistle blew and it shook suna out of his daze, everyone got ready to play a practice game of 3 vs 3 while suna ran over to the coach
#! “hey coach, um i think there’s an emergency at home. can i go? ok thanks.”
#! his coach just stares after him as he sprints off, you think? is there an emergency or not?
#! suna quickly drove home, he may or may not have speed a little, and entered the apartment
#! “yn? baby?” he called out only to be greeted back with silence
#! probably still at the hospital....what were you doing there? he thought to himself while rummaging around the house to find anything that could give him somewhat of an idea
#! he was digging around in the bedroom when you came home, his head so frenzied he didn’t hear the front door open
#! but you heard the ruckus from the bedroom and immediately went into fight or flight
#! panicking, you took out your phone to call suna while quietly opening the front door to make your way back out before the intruder catches you
#! the phone rang and rang until it was picked up. “suna?” you whisper-yelled into the speaker. you had a habit of calling him by his last name when you were freaking out. he noticed and was equally alarmed
#! “what’s wrong?” he whispered back just as panicked
#! “there’s someone in our apartment. can you come home?”
#! “huh? oh, are you home?” he cackles into the phone speaker making you move the phone away from your ear, “it’s me, sweets, c’mere.”
#! you warily walked on your tiptoes over to your bedroom, peeking your head in and what a surprise, it is suna
#! “jackass! why are you home?!”
#! “why didn’t you tell me?” he cut straight to the point
#! “huh?”
#! “you’re pregnant. when were you gonna tell me?” his voice sounding stern, but the quiet smile dancing on his face tells a different story
#! “i tried.”
#! “huh? what do you mean?”
#! “all those times i asked if we could talk. i was trying to tell you.”
#! his heart dropped, eyebrows furrowing, while he stared you down
#! suna became unresponsive once again, standing there trying to think back to the first time you asked him
#! two weeks ago
#! “i’m sorry,” he quietly whispers
#! “hm? i..it’s fine....i was a bit sad, but i’m over it. at least you know now,” you casually shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal
#! “no. i shouldn’t have pushed you aside like that. even if you weren’t pregnant, even if you had just wanted to tell me about some stupid video you saw that day, i shouldn’t have told you off. i’m sorry, i love you a lot and you deserve so much better.”
#! “tarō, shut up. i accept your apology and i forgive you, now make it up to me by giving me a back massage while i show you the ultrasound pictures!”
#! he kisses you before lifting you up bridal style making his way to the bed
SAKUSA
#! contrary to popular beliefs, sakusa is not an obsessive germaphobe who finds everything disgusting but you
#! he wouldn’t be playing volleyball if he was that afraid of germs,,,,,
#! yes, he cringes if random little kids grab onto him after games because 1) he’s drenched in sweat and that feeling is not fun
#! 2) he doesn’t even know themmm
#! and 3) he wanna go home
#! but sakusa loves you and if you happened to get pregnant, he would love your kid(s) just the same
#! however, he never told you this. he never really had a reason to voice this out loud
#! so when you actually did get pregnant, you were confused
#! the only interactions between sakusa and kids you’ve seen multiple times were the moments between him and his fans
#! you guys have been to family parties and his nieces, nephews, and cousins looooves him
#! maybe it’s the fact that he’s a tall looming giant and they just want to climb
#! but besides those moments, you don’t recall him ever telling you upfront that he wants children of his own
#! and the constant stress and pressure he always seem to be working around also doesn’t help reassure you in any way
#! being an athlete for a living means always watching your body, health, and looks for the cameras (but omi could care less about the last thing)
#! he also has to make sure whether or not he’s working well with his teammates, practice and improve on anything he’s having problems with, and deal with atsumu’s dramatic ass
#! you’re an overthinker and because of that, all of these reasons were just reasons for you to postpone the pregnancy news to your long term boyfriend
#! it wasn’t too hard anyway, considering practice runs late sometimes and he’s busy majority of the time doing other stuff
#! when you guys do have alone time together, you both are so focused on one another that you actually forget that you’re pregnant and you never told him
#! you’re about to hit the three months mark now — time goes by fast — and sakusa has noticed you and your body changing
#! at first he just thought you were going through a phase of cravings and a bit of bloating, so he didn’t mention it and just let you be
#! he never got to witness you getting morning sickness because he goes on early runs or he was just out doing morning errands so he wouldn’t have to deal with it later that day
#! so when he caught you in the kitchen cutting up a lemon, the last thing he was expecting you to do was bring the lemon directly up to your mouth
#! “uh, what are you doing?” his deep voice caught you off guard, effectively stopping the hand that was holding the lemon
#! you just stare at him, not wide-eyed, not surprised, just stare
#! “eating a lemon.”
#! “i can see that.... why exactly?”
#! “dunno, the baby i guess.” you casually shrugged it off before popping the lemon slice into your mouth
#! “ah-,” he opened his mouth to stop you from eating the lemon, your words not fully processing in his mind, but cut off midway and froze when he finally realized
#! hearing him pause like that made you suddenly remembered that you never told him you were pregnant
#! you slowly turned back to look at him, mouth still slowly chewing the lemon slices
#! a moment of silence later, he unfreezes and just starts stiffly walking towards you
#! he grabbed you by the shoulders, made you look him in the eyes, before whispering, “you’re pregnant?!”
#! “y-yes..”
#! his eyes were wide, black pupils expanding as he stared you down, his lips slowly curving into a small smile
#! “you’re pregnant....,” he whispers, mainly to himself, hugging your head into his chest
#! “mhm, get off me i’m trying to eat,” you gently pushed him off but he wouldn’t budge
#! “omiiii please, if you get off i’ll give you a slice,” you tried bribing him. he couldn’t tell if you were being serious or just teasing
#! “no.”
#! “um ok, two slices?”
#! “no.”
#! “omi!”
#! he giggles before opening his arms to let you go
#! “why didn’t you tell me?”
#! you didn’t reply right away, making him start to overthink
#! did you not want the baby? or did you not want a kid with him? did you not want to be with him anymore? or was it not his?!
#! he childishly shakes his head side to side at the last question. he knew you wouldn’t do that
#! but you were still silent, making him nervously glance at you from the side
#! “sorry, piece of lemon stuck in my teeth. i just forgot to tell you,” the words easily flowing out of your mouth nonchalantly
#! sakusa’s fingers were literally about to start twitching from anxiousness beside you
#! a sigh of relief was heard from him and you turned to look at him
#! “you okay?”
#! he doesn’t answer, just gives you a smile and goes back to hugging you from behind
SEMI
#! you were currently sitting on the couch in your shared apartment waiting for semi to come home
#! he’s been on tour for a few months now, you both kept in touch by facetiming, texting, calling, and any other methods of virtual communication
#! you would tune into the live recording of all of his performances when you had time so you could watch him
#! a few weeks into tour, you suddenly felt different than usual but shook it off as nothing and probably just you missing your boyfriend
#! you believed that until one morning you were woken up by the sudden urge to throw up, dashing to the restroom as fast as your drowsy body can go
#! it was then that you realized you might be pregnant
#! the night before semi left, you both had sex to enjoy your last few hours together before he had to leave for a few months
#! with the new realization, you quickly dressed yourself to make a short trip to the store to pick up some tests
#! after half an hour of looking at yourself in the mirror, trying to wrap your head around this, you finally opened the first box
#! a few minutes later, all 5 tests were lined up on the bathroom counter showing positive
#! you stared at the tests, trying to make sure you weren’t reading it wrong
#! once you began to understand the responsibility of being pregnant a few hours later, you made a mental note to go out and buy some food for yourself the next day
#! you decided to sleep off the rest of that day
#! through all of the facetime calls with semi, you never once told him you were pregnant
#! you knew that if you told him he would freak out and either demand to go back home, or stay but all of his attention would be on you being pregnant alone at home for the rest of the tour
#! so here you are now, sitting with a 4 1/2 months baby bump waiting for your beloved to come home
#! it was around 6pm when the front door opened, sounds of shuffling bags and heavy steps could be heard from the musician
#! he cursed under his breath when he almost tripped over a duffle bag with some of his loungewear, calling out for you as he walks further into the apartment, “baby? i’m home!”
#! he was about to speak up again when he saw you asleep on the couch
#! bouncing his way over, he got onto his knees at the edge of the couch to observe your face. god i miss you, he thought to himself
#! he gently shakes you awake, you jolted in surprise not knowing you fell asleep in the first place
#! “hmm- what?,” soft murmurs falling from your lips as you adjusted your eyes at your surrounding
#! “eita!” he grinned at you, both of you pulling each other into a hug
#! “fuck, i miss you so much.” he whispered into your ears before placing his face into your neck
#! “i miss you more.” you tightened your grip around him making him move up on the couch to get more comfortable
#! you both moved around until he had you cradled in between him, your back against his chest
#! his hands going under your his shirt to caress you there when his movements stopped right on top of your stomach
#! it was silent as his warm hands rubbed your stomach in circles, the gears turning in his head
#! “are you- you feel- why’s your tum so round and hard?” he quizzically asked, still rubbing your stomach
#! “pregnant.” your voice a low whisper, he almost didn’t catch it
#! “what?”
#! “pregnant.” you repeated, a bit louder this time
#! “huh?”
#! “pregnant!” you sighed, moving his hand so you can get off of him
#! he grabs your wrist to stop you from walking away and turns you to look at him
#! “you’re pregnant?!”
#! “i just said that. yes.”
#! you knew you sounded blunt and a bit mean, it wasn’t his fault he doesn’t know at all, but your hormones have been making you crankier and it’s out of your control
#! “sorry. yes, i’m pregnant.”
#! his eyes continuously darts up and down from your eyes to your bump
#! “how long?”
#! “since you left.”
#! “was it the night before?” he was referring to your act of intimacy the night before he left
#! “yea.”
#! “wow. why didn’t you tell me?”
#! “because.”
#! “‘cuz what?”
#! “because i know you. you would either stop touring and come home, or stay but lose focus. i was just trying to not distract you because i know how important your career is to you. and because i thought that you’ll be having a six months break after this tour before your next comeback, i would tell you when you came home. i’m sorry if you’re ma-,”
#! “i’m not mad. oh don’t cry, babe, look at me.”he carefully cups your face, “it’s okay, it’s okay. i get why you kept it from me. and now that i have no schedule for the next six months, i can be there for you until the end of your pregnancy and the beginning of our baby’s life alright?”
#! you weakly nodded against his palms, and he brings you back down to lay your head on his chest as you both softly talk about the past months without each other
#triple s hell yeah!#maybe part 2 w iwa#written with love - ar#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#hq x reader#suna rintarou#suna x reader#suna scenarios#suna imagines#suna angst#suna fluff#sakusa x reader#sakusa kiyoomi#sakusa scenarios#sakusa imagines#sakusa angst#sakusa fluff#semi x reader#semi eita#semi scenarios#semi imagine#semi angst#semi fluff#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu!!
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wait im actually so sad it's going to be snowy tomorrow :( i was going to go to the park and swing and then i was also like i could bring alphonse in his bucket and we could have a nice day out but like. its fucking snowing :(
not to be dramatic but its supposed to snow real bad tomorrow and if i spin out and die while on a car ride 1 year after the thing i loved the most died then so be it
#im also driving to school tomorrow and i think theres a fat chance i'll get another ticket and i simply cannot afford another parking ticket#ive got to get an apartment so i can have a commuter pass this shit sucks#also this is my diary post for the day so like. lactation prof is genuinely my favorite person at this school#she is so kind to me and we are besties and i want to hug her but no touching the profs until im graduated :/#but sometimes i just want a fucking hug from lact or dairy chem or genetics profs you know????#hell even the department secretary im like you are my everything i want to bring you presents.#haha you can tell spring break wore off because 1) im sad 2) im touchstarved again 3) Want 2 Go Home Please#also i cant stop thinking about pokemon legends: arceus its all i want to do at any moment#i couldnt fall asleep last night because the old verses were plaguing my mind#argh im gonna draw i think that will help my emotions. i got a couple things ive been meanng to draw so this will be good#but first i have to finish my lab report and oh yeah thats why i was thinking abt lact prof.#she said my graph looks good and i was really worried i did it wrong so it feels good that she liked it#also i did some thinking on the walk home and i think theres like a 0.5% chance i kill myself tomorrow.#like probably not but theres always that chance that i'll hit a slick patch on the interstate at the same time i get really sad about sam#and then i'll just like. close my eyes and let whatever happens next happen#man i just want to see my fuckin dog again thats all i want thats all ive wanted for a whole year#and now im crying and imagining being held by lact prof because i can feel in my bones that she hugs the same way my mom does :(#they are so similar. and thats probably why i love her so much. shes basically my mom#if my mom was from brazil and a vet and was taller and had a slightly different personality#actually the fact im crying means when we finish this dnd campaign im gonna roleplay sooo fucking good#my character's brother died and her greatest desire is to have him back (similar to how i want sam back)#and like. i can totally process grief through this campaign if i do things right#unrelated but my ear hurts. i gotta stop wearing my earplugs so deep but i cant sleep bc my neighbor is so noisy#basically if you read this far you should dm me and we should kiss on the lips since you so obviously care abt my thoughts#(okay you can dm me but i dont want to kiss because theres no way in hell im letting someones mouth get that close to me. disgusting.)#diary post
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character opinion for flowey!!!!!!!! flowey/asriel technically !!!! :]
they are soooo cool looking yes <3333 !!!!!! all his forms!!! flowey! asriel! photoshop flowey! god of hyperdeath! <333333 omg bestie you are sooooo poggers
everyone but me is So So Wrong About Them see you know what flowey should be. i think floweypot aus and saved asriel aus are all fine and good but they miss the best most integral part of flowey which is the fact that he kind of went mad with the resets because of all the sameness. he wanted things to be perfect he wanted things to be okay again but they cant be because chara is gone and hes a flower who can't feel love!!!!! its about not being able to go home because his home was broken up by the plan that he went along with and the plan broke him too!!! its about being just a kid and not knowing how to help his sibling as they got more and more desperate to live up to everyone's expectations!!!!! and now hes lost his family, his home, and even his love!!! and he cant even feel guilt about it!!!!!!! but he knows he should, and he wants things to be perfect again!!!! and then when he finally accepts they cant be then.... then why not hurt them? he can just reset afterwards, it'll be fine... just.... he's frustrated, he's hurt and tired and no one will ever understand.... and hurting one person is a slippery slope, and sure he was a little reluctant, but then he realized it was so much fun! there's no guilt to get in the way, and maybe he starts seeing Asriel as weak, because he used to be so afraid of hurting people that he'd let them walk all over him, and maybe he starts resenting chara a little- or seeing chara's point, and wishing he had killed some humans- or maybe being glad that the plan went badly, because it made him who he was. and then he got those SOULs. and he remembered what it was like to be asriel. and he remembered what it was like to care. and then he was flowey again. and he would always be flowey. and he would always be alone, even surrounded by people. but he cant stop remembering what it was like to love, just for a single moment. (...maybe i should have put "everything i love about them isnt canon")
they has so much wasted potential as you can see. above. mr. fox could have done so much more with flowey :( </3
if they were real i'd be afraid of them yes ofc i would floweys literally killed people lukcily he isnt real so be can be my blorbo my child my little darling boy whom i love dearly and kind of wish i could microwave but it wouldnt be safe. for the microwave <3333
theyre deeper than they seem. see the rant about how no one gets him like me
yes i will project all of my issues about finding an identity when you barely remember who you used to be but people still expect you to act like them onto him
tjey get done dirty by fans people dont. explore flowey's potential as someone who cant care its always "oh he secretly cares. inside him" or a saved asriel au and while those are *interesting* and can be done so well and i genuinely like reading saved asriel because thats such an interesting conflict, no one ever just lets flowey Be which kind of defeats the whole point of his character. his character is that he can never be asriel again even when he had asriel's form he couldnt truly be him it was a facsimile, a pretending, and he knew it could never last and he would be flowey again, but he wanted to pretend anyways. asriel was the epitome, almost the personification of love and compassion, and flowey.... flowey isnt. can never be. and he has to deal with that. forever.
didnt get enough screen time. this is self explanatory :(
i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog except the handbag is a flowerpot and he is feral <3
wow! they are a horrible person!!! he has committed atrocities <3
why do they look like that /pos
im mentally ill about them. as evidenced by this rant that i literally am writing on the night before my birthday right now instead of like. sleeping
they work better as part of a dynamic bc flowey and frisk. flowey <3 and frisk <3 and maybe chara if they can show up <3 i lomve them
and obviously theyve never done anything wrong in his life ever flowey <3333 he is my favourite eternal SOULless child (aside from chara maybe but it could be argued that, as a ghost, they have the shell of their SOUL- or that, since they were awoken by frisk, they use frisk's SOUL)
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☆ mc catching the obey me brothers crying
i believe its fair to assume mc has seen at least one of the boys cry. here is what i believe happened. (if you want me to do undateables, let me know! tw for low self worth, panic attacks, and survivors guilt/death mentions)
lucifer
without a doubt the most embarassed to be caught crying
he had just gotten into an argument with diavolo, and he questions his importance in diavolos life
he goes into the study to get some extra work done late at night to reassure himself he is useful
with all of the stress from the situation at hand and some stress from supporting the family on his back, he cant help but shed a few tears
all he wants to do is keep those around him happy and healthy... and it tears him apart when he cant
if i cant make the ones i love happy then... what can i do...
he doesnt notice your presence, as he has hands over his eyes and is breathing slowly in order to relax himself
you call out his name softly to get his attention
lucy jumps and tries wiping his eyes and playing it off as if he was never crying
you walk closer to him and he keeps inquiring if theres anything you need
you dont say anything, you just place your arms around him and hold him in a tight embrace
and he starts crying again on your shoulder... harder, this time. holding you tighter and closer in the embrace
because of his pride, its hard for him to admit what he needs the most: someone to show they care for him
mammon
mammon is the type to not cry often but when he does, its a lot
while his brothers dont really have bad intentions, the daily degradation they execute against mammon really gets to him
he can only put up his confident front for so long, and not long after a fight with asmo, it recedes
he lay on his bed sobbing heavily into a pillow to muffle the sound for nearly a full hour
his mind cant help but insist all the words his siblings tell him are true... and he wishes more than anything that you were there to tell him they werent
he looks up to the door every once in a while with blurry vision, mind convincing him theyre at the door, but you not being there makes him cry even harder
maybe they just think the same as the rest of my brothers
he hears the doorknob, but convinces himself its his mind again. ironically enough, this makes him cry even harder
except its actually you this time
you run over to his bed to sit down next to him and rub his back reassuringly, asking if hes alright
he jolts up, shocked youre actually here. he closes his mind and smiles sadly with a tear stained face
he pulls you into an embrace and whispers a soft thank you... your presence helps him more than you will ever know
you hold him for a few minutes and tell him how awesome the Great Mammon really is
leviathan
its been a long stressful day at rad, and he cant help but overthink every single action he has made
every single glance hes made, every single word hes said ... just everything
most days he would resort to playing a game or watching an anime he loves in attempt to distract himself, but other days its not that easy
he starts spiraling, thinking of not only everything hes done that day, but actions hes done in the past too
eventually hes past the point of no return, and starts having a panic attack
levi cant seem to catch his breath and with the thoughts still rushing through his head at full speed, he cant attempt to calm himself down
he envies those who dont feel the way he does right now because god, what he would do to not feel like this
you were just wondering why your gaming buddy hasnt come looking for you so naturally, you go to him
you knock on his door waiting for him to ask you for the entry code... but theres no response
you enter and are quite shocked to see levi shaking on his bed
this is familiar to you... whether youve had to guide a friend through a panic attack or have been through one yourself, you know what to do
you reassure him this will all pass and knowing how hard school is for him, you tell him he did well today
you get him to regulate his breathing and gain some composure
hes embarassed you had to see him like that... but he lets you know hes so thankful that you came to help him
satan
he just wants to be his own person but with how his life was set for him, its almost as if thats a tall order
its very rare he cries from happiness or anything like that, but sometimes he gets so sad that he gets angry... and then he cries a lot
no one dares to go near him like that
and that hurts him too... that nobody could or would ever dare to console him because they fear what hed do to them
he acknowledges this is a justified fear as he is after all the representation of wrath itself, but it still hurts nonetheless
belphie decided to poke fun and tease satan reminding him of how hes lucifers shadow
he didnt take it well... and retreated to his room to handle his emotions
he knew his family didnt want anything to do with him while he was angry... and that made him feel like a burden
but he grew used to everyone expecting he handle his emotions himself even if every once in a while he desired some reassurance
satan sat in a corner of his room crying to himself waiting for this to pass because he didnt believe anyone else would care to check on him
but you were curious as to why he wasnt in his usual 4 pm reading spot, so you decided to check his room
he was just sat completely still staring into the distance while tears fell down his face
he didnt even notice your presence until you sat down next to him
you didnt want to pry, so you just asked if he wanted to talk about it
he shook his head, laid on your shoulder, and just said “this is all i need”
asmodeus
ahh... while self love is so easy for him, self value isnt
its easy for him to believe people want to be around him solely with lustful intent rather than because they genuinely love him
he doesnt really believe anyone could ever love him
so he overcompensates through self love because he believes hes the only person who could ever love him
hes great at hiding it but sometimes, this gets to him... especially after some quick encounters with others at the fall
he thinks maybe there is no depth to him.. maybe i really am just a pretty face and nothing else
asmo cries pretty often, but he only lets people see him cry when its over something material (ie, he couldnt get a new bag hes been wanting for weeks)
he cries quietly too in effort to make sure nobody sees him
he seemed to have forgetten that you two were planning to go shopping today so you went to his room to see if he was ready
you werent expecting to see him rolled over in bed softly crying to himself
you startled him when you said his name
“oh, mc, i didnt see you there!” he chuckles lightly to himself in effort to change the mood of the atmosphere as he wipes his eyes
you ask if hes okay and his sad smile falls slightly
he asks you if you genuinely think he could ever be lovable
your heart breaks a little knowing that he even has a moment of self doubt, but you reassure him that hes a lovable person inside and out
you hug him tightly while another tear falls down his face
you two decide shopping is best for another day... for now, you just want to talk and do facials
beelzebub
beel loves his family a lot
more than he loves food (also a lot)
he hates conflict between them and would do absolutely anything to avoid it
what he hates the most about himself is how hungry he gets... hes aware its poorly timed but theres really nothing he can do about it
but the feeling hes being an inconvenience to those he loves hurts him
beel is great at smiling as often as possible, but if theres any tension between the family, he wont stop crying until its resolved
once he was so hungry it wasnt possible to control himself and he ended up going on a rampage
he earned scolds from lucifer, mammon, and satan for this
it tore him apart knowing that he had caused his family trouble for even a second and he started crying because of the guilt
he couldnt even find enough energy to make it back to his room, so he just sat in the kitchen with tears on his face
you had decided to go to the kitchen to get a snack when you saw him
he apologized for being in the kitchen and offered to move if you wanted his seat, but you declined
beel didnt even bother wiping the tears from his eyes... he wore them like they were a punishment for his own behavior
when you asked him what was wrong, all he said was that he was a bad brother
you tried to tell him otherwise, but then he went into detail about the situation and how all he does is cause the family distress
you told him that isnt true at all and he continues to bring light and happiness to all those around him
hearing that his brothers will come around and know he meant no harm is all he needed to hear
“thank you, mc... i feel less hungry when im with you”
belphie
he has lots of survivors guilt
its been millenia but he still wishes that it was him instead of lilith
because of this he cries quite often, but never in front of anyone other than beel
this feeling that lilith and him should have traded places haunts him often, and its not always so easy to sleep it off
as fore mentioned, he usually finds comfort in talking to his older twin but beel isnt always there
beel was at one of his clubs at rad and belphie didnt want to bother him, but he really did need someone right now
unlike his older brothers, belphie actually makes an effort to find you
he doesnt find you in your room nor the kitchen, so he continues to search around the house in hopes youre around here somewhere
he happens to find you by yourself in the study on your d.d.d.
belphie feels bad bothering you, and enters the room quite quietly
“mc, can we talk?”
he sits down next to you and lays his head on your shoulder
contrary to what he stated he wanted, not much talking is being done
he just lies there quietly crying with no explanation why
he realises he may not be as ready to talk about it as he thought... but thats okay
you tell him that youre going to listen whenever hes ready to talk about it
that makes him feel a lot better
he falls asleep right there with a thankful smile placed on his face
#satans was lowk the hardest to write#i hope i wrote them all well tho >:#also some of these are .. quite long o_o#my apologies#obey me headcanon#obey me#belphie headcanon#beel headcanon#satan headcanon#mammon headcanon#lucifer headcanon#levi headcanon#asmo headcanon
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