#it hurts tbh because Great really really really wants someone to pay attention to him and properly love him

[yujeong]

Is it just me but Korn’s character is somewhat different from the other timeline than this timeline. He seems much more confident in this timeline? I thought he was the one who'd kill Nan when I saw him wiping blood. I don't know, there's something different. Because even the person in charge in the underground business is somehow listening to him? Which is not the case on the last episodes. He still blew up the business but there's something different.

Anon, I don't think you're wrong. Korn did feel different this episode, compared to the other ones. I believe the reason for that is because we got the actual events of Great's life. And it's painful because this means Great wished he had the kind of relationship with Korn we saw him have up until now. The affectionate brother who cares for his health, who talks to him, who helps him out when he needs it, who, when drunk, tells him he loves him. They still go out to get drinks together for the scene with Tyme to happen, but we don't see how they talk to each other at all, so we can't know how their relationship really is like, can we? We can't trust any scene we've seen with them together so far. However, the scenes we got with Korn and Tonkla or Fasai or just him with the henchman have very much actually happened in my opinion. That was actual Korn and he remains fascinating.

[im-so-normal-iswear]

omg!! thank you for your oneshot/headcanons. i love it. don't worry, it was absolutely great!! can you please write yandere headcanons of shadow or sonic with a gambler!reader? I'm sorry for requesting so soon, i just really liked your writing-

No problem! Sorry I took some time to finish lol. I'll do some of both.

Yandere!sonic x gambler!reader

Sonic gets it

Hes an andrennaline junkie himself, whos he to judge?

Tbh i could see him being a gambler himself, he's made a fair amount of very serious gambles, whos to say he wouldn't just gamble in general.

He'd def try to impress you with stuff while at a casino, like how fast he can shuffle cards, count chips etc.

While he does trust you to make smart desicions (somewhat) l, he does still watch you like a hawk. Whether your gambling too high, odds aren't exactly in your favor, someone is being a creep to you etc. He will def just drag you out.

You have gotten banned from some casninos from him dragging you out.

At times he might get just a bit worried about you gambling alot.

"Maybe tone down on that stuff just a bit?"

If it comes to a point where youre seriously broke, he might "help you out" a little. No its not cheating, they shouldn't have left their cards out and about, its really their fault for being careless

Anyways on the more yandere side, while he likes watching you play, he hates seeing you do it with random other people.

Hed probably force you to gamble with him a lot, it makes him feel better, especially if he wins, he wins a lot, he peeks at your cards

If you do lose a lot of money, you'll get it back by the next day, sonic handing it to you.

Don't question it.

Yandere!Shadow x gambler!reader

Shadow is VERY protective of you, so he disapproves of your gambling habit. He sees it as reckless and dangerous, something that could tuin your life or attract bad people.

Whenever you take risks or place high bets, Shadow is right there, watching closely, ready to step in if things get out of hand.

While your playing poker, blackjack etc. etc. He will be standing right behind you, glaring menacingly at all other players but then being perfectly fine when you turn your head.

To keep you "safe", Shadow might cheat, help you out, either by intimidating other players or using his skills to ensure you win just enough to stay satisfied without losing too much.

He doesn’t care about money, he just wants you safe, ensuring no harm comes to you from losing or angering the wrong people.

Shadow secretly tracks every move you make, especially when you're at the casino or playing cards.

If anyone tries hitting on you or is just being snarky for no reason, he’s quick to getbthwm off your hands.

Hes always ensuring no one gets too close or tries to take advantage of your gambling tendencies

Shadow has no problem with intimidation. If you lose a game and someone demands payment, Shadow will loom behind you, giving a dark, threatening look that makes the other party back off.

If it comes to a point where you keep gambling and losing more and more money, he won't let you leave the house

Really, if you can't pay attention in gambling, how is he supposed to know you can pay attention to your surroundings, what if you got hurt because you were not paying attention?

No, he can't risk it, he won't risk it.

These were kind of short, so sorry 🥲

[tonberry-yoda]

Who's That Guy? - Trafalgar D. Water Law

notes - HERE IT IS! The Law fic as promised from my poll! I have been WAITING to write for this man, as I am so so so so in love with him tbh. He is SO FINE! I'm actually thinking about making a part 2 to this when I watch Dressrosa because this would be hella cute. I hope you all enjoy and I hope you're all staying hydrated :) word count - 1,868 summary - you're lost and can't find your crew. but luckily, you make an unexpected friend who helps you find your way back WARNINGS - spoilers for Sabaody?, implied f!reader (one use of she pronouns)

You were lost. Would you admit this to anyone? No. HELL NO. Zoro was the one who always got lost and you were usually the one to help him out.

But this island was a total mess. The Sabaody Archipelago was straight up awful. The numbers were helpful, sure, but finding your way to the next number was pure horror. Not to mention that you had to avoid any and all celestial dragons if you didn't to, oh, I don't know, DIE.

How did you lose your crew that easily?

You sighed and scratched your head as you stared at the numbers above you.

"Do you need help?" someone asked you.

You turned to them with a smile. "That would be great."

That part earlier, about you not admitting that you were lost, you were talking about your crew. You really needed some help and anyone would do to be honest.

They helped point you in the right direction, but as you were walking through alleyways and streets, you just felt yourself getting more lost.

"Oh my god," you muttered under your breath, pulling out your map again.

Not looking where you were walking, you kept the map in front of you, praying that it would magically tell you where to go.

That's when you felt someone crash into you. And of course, they hit the floor.

God, you were an idiot.

You quickly pulled your map away from you and apologized profusely, not even getting a look at who you knocked to the ground.

When you went to go help whoever it was you knocked over, a group of people, including a giant white bear stood in front of you, protecting whoever was behind them, weapons in hand.

You stepped back with embarrassment painting your face. You looked at the group and bowed apologetically. "Sorry." you said quickly.

"Guys, guys," the bear started talking. "I don't think she wants to hurt our captain! Put the weapons down!"

The group took a step back, lowering their weapons.

You knocked down their captain?? Oh yeah, you were screwed.

"I'm fine, Bepo." You heard the voice of the man who you knocked the the ground, his hand appearing on the Bear's shoulder. You saw the word "DEATH" tattooed over his knuckles.

"Oh, thank goodness, boss!" The bear turned to his captain and pulled him into his giant arms. You couldn't help but smile.

"Bepo, seriously, let go." the captain said.

Bepo took a step back, saluting. You giggled.

And that's when you finally saw the man who ate shit because of you. He was tall. Really tall. Really skinny as well, with long and lanky features. He was wearing a big hat that looked like it had cow print almost. He had black hair that included a small goatee on his chin. He had dark eyes, clearly wearing eyeliner and dressed like a high school boy.

"I'm sorry for knocking you down," you stammered. "I'm lost and I wasn't paying attention and-"

He raised his hand to you. "It's fine."

His crew looked shocked. One of the men quickly spoke up to try to show you the severity of what you had done. "Do you even know who our captain is? This is Trafalgar D. Water Law! He's got a 200 million berry bounty on his head!"

You let out a long whistle. "Not bad!" you said, looking at the captain.

The crew looked at you in surprise.

You looked around at them and smiled. "My captain's bounty may not be that high yet, but I guarantee it's gonna get there sooner rather than later."

"You're a pirate?" the bear asked, tilting his head.

"Sure am!"

"Who's your captain?" the man, Law, asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Monkey D. Luffy." you bragged. Even if the whole ocean didn't know him yet, they would soon enough. You loved your captain and were proud to call him just that.

"Damn, really?" Law asked, a look of surprise on his face.

"Yup."

"So he's here then?"

Your face went pale. You were supposed to be on the down-low and now you just told some pirate with a higher bounty than Luffy's that Luffy was here. Good job, y/n.

"I-" There really was no saving yourself.

"You said you were lost." said Law. "Need help?"

"That would be nice." you said.

"Where do you need to go?" he walked next to you, peeking at the map you had over your shoulder. He was warm, even if he was inches away.

"See, that's the problem. I can't remember what number we parked the boat at."

"Oh, I see. I can help. There's a pirate docking station. That's probably where your boat is now." He turned to his crew. "You guys can go screw around at some bar or something. You can take a break. I'll be back."

They all saluted their captain and look off like children in a candy store.

You laughed. "Do you like your crew?" you asked.

"I would hope so." he laughed. "Do you like yours?"

"Is that even a question? I have probably the best crew in the world."

"What's it like to have Luffy as a captain? I heard he was some crazy kid."

"Oh, he is," you chuckled. "But that's what makes him great. He's willing to do some pretty stupid shit to get what he wants, so there's always adventure, even out in the middle of the ocean."

"Oh, I bet. I could never go to any extremes if it meant putting my crew on the line."

"Luffy knows we can take it." you said without thinking. "Oh, shit, uh... I'm not saying your method's wrong. That's actually very sweet, I-"

Law laughed, raising his hand. "It's fine. I understand."

The two of you walked in a little bit of silence for a while, just appreciating how pretty Sabaody actually was. Sure, it was an island that made you feel uncomfortable with the acts the celestial dragons were pulling, but it was also pretty and had a lot of very kind people.

"When do you need to be back at the boat?"

"I don't know." you admitted. "We just kinda ran off from each other, but I want to be back there just to be safe."

"Gotcha." Law stretched and you could totally see him eyeing a churro stand. You ran over there quickly and bought two, bringing one to Law.

"You didn't have to." he said.

"You're helping me. It's the least I could do."

The two of you sat down to eat your churros, taking a mini break from walking. This island sure was huge.

"What's with the bear?" you asked.

"Don't you have a talking raccoon dog?"

"Reindeer, but okay."

He laughed. You laughed.

The sun felt good and the reflection off of the bubbles made you smile.

"So, you got a girlfriend?" you teasingly asked. You were just doing it for some good play, but at the same time, you totally did find him hot.

"Do you usually flirt with guys trying to help you out?"

"Sometimes."

He chuckled, throwing away a napkin he had. "No, I don't have a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Do you usually flirt with people you help?"

His face went red. "I'm not flirting, I was just asking."

"I'm teasing." You stood up and threw away your trash. "Of course I don't have a boyfriend."

"What do you mean, 'of course?' " The two of you began walking again.

"I asked you if you had a girlfriend. Why would I ask that if I had a boyfriend?"

His face went red again. "I'm stupid." he chuckled.

"A little." you said playfully, bumping into his arm.

The rest of the walk went off with little jokes here and there, but mostly in silence. You would occasionally bump hands with him, feeling a little embarrassed, but even as you stepped away, it would still happen. You didn't mind it though. Something great about being a strawhat pirate was knowing that you could become friends with anybody, even in a short period of time.

When you two finally got to the area where all the boats were parked, you saw the Sunny, smiling straight at you.

"That's my boat." you said, pointing to the smiling Lion.

"Damn," Law said. "Big boat."

"Wait here, I wanna see if my crew's on board." You ran up to the Sunny and saw Law waiting patiently below.

As you ran around, you didn't see a single soul. You could've sworn at least somebody was protecting the boat, but you were wrong. No one was there. Odd.

You jumped off the boat with a look of confusion.

"Everything okay?" Law asked.

You turned to him. "No one's there."

"Knowing your captain, not like I do or anything, but there's an auction. There's bad people there. Putting that together, I think Luffy would want to take part in ass kicking there."

You sighed. "Yeah, that sounds like a Luffy thing."

"I can take you." he said. "I was heading there anyway."

"Thank you, Law. You've really been a lot of help today."

"Don't mention it."

"Handsome and sweet. How cute." you giggled.

He turned to you with not only shock, but a bright red face as well. "Shut up."

"It's true."

"No, it's not."

"Do you not think you're the hottest guy on the island right now?"

"Okay, now you're just being too much." he laughed and playfully pushed your shoulder.

You pushed him back and the rest of the walk was spent teasing him.

When you got to the auction house, it was relatively empty, you and Law being the only few people there first.

You could feel the bad energy just dripping off of the place.

"I hate this." you whispered, sitting next to Law.

"Tell me about it." he whispered back, putting his arm over your seat.

"So," you started in a joking tone. You could already see him smiling. "After this, how does a date sound?"

"Shut up."

"We could visit the celestial dragons and eat all their fine food." you said, still in a whisper, but in a joking refined tone.

"No way." he was holding back loud laughter.

"Not even a visit to the amusement park? You look like a guy who loves rollercoasters."

"Hate 'em."

"Really?" you asked seriously.

"Yeah. They make me uncomfortable. Same with any ride really."

You laughed and noticed something that brought a giant smile to your face. Your crew had walked through the front door.

"Law, thank you for everything." You grabbed both of his hands. "Today was super fun."

He looked behind him and saw your crew. "I had fun too."

"Seriously though, you're the best." You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before hopping up and running to your crew.

Law watched you with a bright red face and pulled his hat over his eyes.

"Hey guys!" you said to your crew.

Nami pulled you into her arms with a smile. "Hey, y/n!"

You waved at Law and turned back to Nami. "I've been looking for you guys all day." you sighed.

Nami smiled. "Who's that guy?"

~~~~~

one piece masterlist | pinned post | ko-fi

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[purrfectly-nina]

IN SEMI-DEFENSE OF JACKSON <3

Jackson hate is a little forced imo cause he’s really just a teenage boy battling depression and grief and is constantly stressed and anxious about things being out of his control for really no reason. Like you have to remember Jackson has known these people for only a couple of months at this point and they bullied him and Exer made his life shit for a good bit of it 😭 now I love Exer that’s my princess and Jackson has made mistakes but it’s what makes him an interesting and dynamic character, people complain all the time that Jackson is boring and one note but he’s really not if you pay attention to his flaws as character traits and not just “oh Jackson here we go again 🙄”

+

For just season 3 stuff so far he’s kept 1. leaving therapy a secret from Pam 2. Not telling anyone about the diary and Used the diary to manipulate Exer (both consciously and unconsciously) and 3. Spent time with the reds as a form of getting information and its kinda manipulation tbh so I just wanted to give my 2 cents on it in defense and criticism of Jackson cause he’s paralleling Exer in a lot of ways and it’s unfair that he gets shit on so much when Exer is loved and praised by the fandom (again Exer is my favourite character).

+

1. Leaving therapy a secret from Pam is not a good thing Jackson is doing, he shouldn’t have kept it from her and he shouldn’t have lied that it wasn’t that big of a deal because a big theme in this comic is that keeping secrets and lying really hurts people and relationships and you need to be open and honest with those you love. That being said it’s a really hard subject that he’s still getting over himself, therapy was a safe space for him where he was finally in control and was heard not just listened to. He’s still getting over this and he could barely even talk to Harry for weeks without feeling horrible so yea it’s a really troubling thing for him to think about. He told the detention kids because sometimes it’s easier to be open with friends who get the situation than your girlfriend who you don’t want to disappoint because she was so happy you were getting better and how do you tell her your world fell apart all over again and you’re scared. I’m not saying this excuses his actions I just think there needs to be a bit more understanding here, Jackson should have told her sooner and tell her that he’s not happy about it but he’s also not ready to talk about it just yet, it’ll be good for him to open up to Pam more instead of trying to keep up an illusion that he’s doing great but it’s a hard thing to shake.

+

2. Telling anyone about the Diary, especially Exer is not fucking easy at all. Some of you are making it sound like if he just told them everything would go smoothly and well and that he’s the bad guy for keeping it hidden. So go on and tell me how exactly you’d tell the person who bullied you over petty reasons that you might have accidentally manipulated and fabricated their feelings and that you’re the reason he apologized, you’re the reason he got a job and started over, you’re the reason he confessed as is dating his boyfriend and that none of it is real and that you did it all by accident. Because that’s exactly what Jackson thinks he did, while I don’t agree with Jackson’s theory he’s convinced of it himself. For all Jackson knows Exer really is that prick back in season 1 and the only reason he changed is cause he wrote it down. That’s a lot of weight on your shoulders especially the whole romance thing I mean Jackson wholeheartedly thinks he accidentally manipulated Exer into falling in love with someone and that’s a very heavy burden to carry cause wtf do you do with that as a 17 y/o depressed child. Not to mention that the Diary is his therapy journal so that’s his one healthy outlet destroyed and he feels guilty about ever coping using it so that only fuels his self hatred and mental health issues. All of this without mentioning he’s still grieving over his mother who gave him the damn thing and now he can’t even have that once connection he has with her because of course it’s tied to Exer the person who’s made his life so difficult up till now. NOW!! Pause, this does not excuse his actions but it does explain them, Jackson is not in the right here because at the end of the day he does need to talk to Ex about it because, accident or not, he’s manipulating him and he needs to know. It’s actually incredibly interesting how much this parallels to season 1 Exer, Exer who started purposely using his magic to cause harm and then slowly losing control and doing it by accident (all while not telling Jackson he has magic which made it hurt so much more) versus Jackson’s harm being on accident at first but now he’s experimenting and knowingly causing changes to Exer. This is a big flaw of Jackson’s, he wants to understand before he takes action but only in ways that benefit him. He wanted to understand Exer’s magic before he told Pam and now he wants to understand his own before he tells anyone and we all saw how that turned out with Pam and the others in season 1/2 so Jack’s definitely going to learn his lesson. Remember that if Exer got that mad cause he was jealous over petty things how do you think Jackson, who thinks he’s one of the only reason Exer became nice, thinks Exer is gonna react to something as big as this!!

+

3. This is a bad thing aaallll around and Jackson needs to stop 😭!!! Jackson hanging out with the reds just because he wants to study Exer is not a good thing but it’s an interesting character flaw!! This goes back to what I was saying earlier, he wants to know and understand and will fixate on it so bad he neglects the consequences. Not only is he harming the reds by manipulating them into thinking he cares and is friends with them he’s also really hurting himself. As much as I would love for them all to be friends again, Jackson just isn’t in that headspace right now where he can. He’s so obsessed with the magic and how it’s affected him that he can’t get over the bullying, he can’t get over how Exer used his magic to hurt him, he can’t get over him hurting Pam, he can’t accept the many apologies, he hasn’t even accepted that Exer wasn’t in control all the time. He just can’t move on. He needs to move on and not because what happened wasn’t hurtful and is all in the past now (it’s been like 2 months since Halloween mind you) but because he needs to let go and prioritize himself instead of holding onto all this anger. He’s not just an asshole who can’t get over being bullied (which like even if he was that’s valid to a degree), he’s so obsessed with regaining control of his life and understanding what the fuck is going on that he’s actively choosing to hurt himself to hang out with people he doesn’t like. He doesn’t have to be their friends and he doesn’t have to forgive them, yes they’ve gotten better and yes they’re sorry but tbh if my bullies apologized and everything I would not forgive them and I’d certainly not be friends with them. They just need to go their separate ways until Jackson knows what he wants. But it’s hard. Being 17 and struggling with mental health (IN THE 80s!!) is very very hard and that’s before you even begin with the magic shit so cut him some slack.

Anyways this was so long and rambley I’m sorry, I just don’t love the Jackson hate I see when he and Exer are so similar but he doesn’t get the grace of being adored and pawed at. Do I love Jackson? Not as much as I do Exer but I get him, I get being a teen trying to save myself while everything around me keeps trying to push me down so I respond in anger and I’m so over everyone being so mean to him. I could go on for ages and make more points but that’s it for now so!!!! Anyways support Paola on patreon 🩷🩷🩷

[lgcseojin]

✱ PLOT CALL ?

Heyyy guys!! I am ... so excited for this Gyeseung thing, so. Whoever wants to plot something for it, I've already thought of everything involving Seojin and Hyunsoo for it before thinking of my full headcanon post, so ... I'm gonna list below everything and please reach out to me or like this so we can have some fun threading this!!!

SEOJIN

SUMMARY : A guard from the Fiery Fist Sect. He came into this world completely alone; an orphan and a commoner left to roam the streets for most of his life where pickpocketing and talking his way into food or a roof was his way of survival. Eventually, he was picked up by a kind nobleman who saw potential in him after fighting tooth and nail against guards who apprehended him and took him under his wing. For the rest of his youth, he was brought up in a martial arts temple where he honed the way of the fist and put his all into training. He serves as a guard, mostly commissioned as a hand for hire for travelling diplomats and nobles or those in need of protection. He's renowned for his skill in fighting and his elevated status is solely built upon his abilities rather than his bloodline. He is known to be a man of few words. He will be found testing his mettle at the Ascension Tower.

PLOT IDEAS : Fight fight fight he wants to fight!!!, anyone he's been hired to guard current and past, anyone he's had to fight... current and past, allies who he can form reluctant alliances with, enemies to friends <3, those who look down on him due to the nature of his birth/family situation, former relationships he's accidentally ruined just by being himself but ohhh lost romance, sparring partners, anyone met on his travels, he gets hurt a lot so please help him heal

HYUNSOO

SUMMARY : An herbalist in the Shadow Woods Sect. His father is a revered healer from the same sect and his mother is a beloved performer from the Enchanted Waves Sanctum. He wields a bow, but has never been too much of a fighter. Rather, he's a scholar and would much rather be researching plants and gathering rather than much else. He will be found mostly venturing toward the Poisoned Gardens and likely often a bit downtrodden because of being constantly poisoned, but you know... He mostly keeps to himself and is more interested in his books and studies than other people, and he isn't particularly occupied with things that are morally wrong. One day, he would like to leave to travel and see other parts of the world because he feels like he doesn't fit in with the others in his sect negl.

PLOT IDEAS : Someone he's arranged to marry and it just is a whole mess because he really just does not pay proper attention to them, any healer he can gather and sort herbs for tbh!, known as the goody-two-shoes of his sect so if you're in it you can bully him a little or something idk, he's writing a book about herbs and stuff so if you could help him... that'd be great!!, you fall in the woods and he carries you back and is very disgruntled about it

[currently-stanning-bts]

Who Are You -Namjoon x reader-

Namjoon x reader

Category- Angst no fluff

warnings- none, just some angst, if you don't like angst please don't read :) not proof read, so sorry if there are any typos!

Authors note: This really hurt me writing this tbh. But every time I listen to "who" by Lauv ft. BTS, I get ideas about writing something, and since Namjoon is my bias I had to write something with him in it. Don't worry all my Namjoon lovers!! I'll make it up to all of you!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You and Namjoon had grown up together and were practically inseparable. But that was years and years ago, now you two never talk. When you do, it is always work related. Something had happened, you're not sure what, but something in him changed. You had confronted him about it one day, but he brushed you off.

*Several years ago*

“Namjoon, what the hell?” you said annoyed. It was the tenth day in a row he had ignored all of your calls and texts. Namjoon looked at you, but chose to ignore you, making it seem like you weren't even there. “Kim Namjoon, if you don't at least say something to me, I’m going to be pissed.” you threatened. Still though, he said nothing. “Please, Joon. I just want to know what has happened. What's changed?” you tried speaking softer, but still, he chose to ignore your presence.

*three years later*

Namjoon was still ignoring you, you had tried over and over again to talk to him but he never listened. One day though, Namjoon came up to you during work. You worked at Hybe Corporation, and helped to form new k-pop groups. You were currently in the middle of packing for a trip. You would be a judge on the show I-LAND. You had been looking forward to it all month. You had been given information about the boys trying out prior to the day. You had even picked out two boys you hoped would do great. You picked Ri-ki or more commonly known as Ta-ki, and Nishamura Ri-ki also known as Ni-ki. You were in your office, you had to stop here before your flight because you had left something that you needed. Namjoon knocked on your door. “Come in,” you said, not paying attention to who it was, trying to look for that one important thing.

Namjoon walked into the room, he smiled when he saw you, his heart breaking slightly at how cold he had been to you the past few years. He truly regretted everything, but it wasn’t his fault truly! People had started dating rumors about him and another idol. Hybe threatened to put him on Hiatus if he didn't get cleared up soon. So Namjoon was forced to act as if you didn’t exist. These dating rumors though, there was some truth in them. Namjoon had given you a promise ring many years ago when he first found out you both had feelings for one another. He had promised you that one day you would be together, just not now. His career was just kicking off, plus, if Hybe found out he was dating someone, he could be forced to leave BTS.

Neither of you wanted that for him, so you thought it best to put off your relationship until he could work some things with Hybe out. Try to see if there was a way he could date someone without being let go. So far he hasn't been able to find a way. That was until today. Today he had talked to Hybe again, and they told him that since all of the rumors of him dating someone had left, fans had truly wanted to see him with someone. This person was someone who he was constantly with, and who would it be other than you!

Namjoon cleared his throat. You picked your head up, smiling at the person before your brain registered who it was. The color drained from your face, and your eyes went wide. You quickly pulled yourself together. “Hello Nam-RM,” you quickly corrected yourself, you didn't feel the need to call him that anymore with how he’s treated you the past couple of years. You saw Namjoon flinch slightly at the name correction. “How can I help you? It has to be quick, as you probably know already, I am getting ready to leave for I-LAND.” you said. Namjoon cleared his throat again, “I-I, um,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve treated you these past few years. I want to explain myself-” you cut him off with a scoff before you spoke, “tch, it's been how many years since you started ignoring me? Three? Four now? To be honest, I’ve lost count. I tried talking to you every damn day, but you chose to ignore me. Namj-RM, you looked right at me so many fucking times, and just ignored my existence. Now you expect me to sit around and listen to you ‘explain yourself’” you air quoted him. “Your stupid if you think I’ve waited all these years for you.”

That’s not true. You did wait for him. You kept the promise ring he gave you so many years ago, but your pride and anger wouldn’t let you admit that to him or yourself. It's funny because the thing you're currently looking for is the promise ring. You had placed it down when you had to do a monthly check up on BTS during their dance practice as well as vocal practice, when you got back to your office, you couldn’t find it to save your life. It had scared you, you couldn’t lose the one thing you still kept so dear to you.

“Please baby-”

“Don't call me that. You lost the right to call me that three years ago.” “I’m sorry, y/n please, just listen to me. I swear I never wanted to ignore you, but Hybe had threatened to put me on Hiatus because there were dating rumors about me and some other idol flying around. They weren’t good ones either, it was negative about me. ARMY tried to back me up with it, and somehow they were able to convince Hybe that I could date someone. It created a lot of positive buzz with the good side of ARMY, Hybe will let me date a person of my choosing! Plus!!! ARMY already knows about you, you’ve been in so many of our past Vlives, and vlogs, plus, they’ve seen you in some when you come in to do the monthly reports on vocals and dance! They want us to be together!” he told you, a smile on his face towards the end, before it went away, being replaced with a look of seriousness. “So please, y/n” he walked closer to you, you took a step back but he continued forward. You hit the front of your oak wood deck, and Namjoon was right in front of you. He took your small hands in his larger ones and looked you in the eyes, “please y/n, give me another chance. I swear to you I won’t fuck it up like I did last time.”

You shook your head, “no, Joon, you can't do this. You can't treat me like that then one day decide you missed me and come running back and think I’ve waited for you the entire time. I don't even know who you are anymore. Who are you? Are you Kim Namjoon, the man I fell in love with, or are you RM of BTS, the man that chose his career over his relationship? I need to know. ‘Cause you're not the guy I fell in love with. Something has clearly changed Joon, because you’re not the same, and if I’m being honest…” You paused for a second taking a deep breath to stop from letting tears fall before you continued again. “I really hate it. I’m sick and tired of waiting for you. And now I know that you're not the right one for me.” you felt tears in your eyes before you quickly blinked them away. You looked at the clock hanging above your door. You pulled your hands from him, “look, I have to go or I’m going to miss the taxi taking me to the airport.” You walked to the door, turning back to look at him one last time. He was just as handsome as the last time you saw him, when you were both on speaking terms with one another. “Thank you,” you started, “for coming to see me today, it means a lot. Thank you for telling me this, but just know, we” you motioned to you and him, “we wouldn’t be able to make it out there,” you pointed outside your office door. “I’m sorry RM, I truly am, maybe in another life where you are not an idol and I don't work for your company. In a life where you’re just a normal person, and we met on normal terms. But that won't be us anytime soon. So again, I’m sorry, but we can’t be anything.” and with that, you left, closing your office door on the way out.

Namjoon was left standing there alone. He felt tears form in his eyes before they fell down his cheeks. He walked over to the door and locked it, sliding down it after. In here he was just Namjoon, he didn’t have to deal with the outside world, being an idol, the rumors or anything. He placed a hand over his eyes as he looked up, tears spilling from his eyes. Why did he have to be such an idiot? He ruined something so beautiful just to try to keep that beautiful thing. He had ruined your relationship, the promise ring he gave you so many years ago meaning nothing anymore except for the empty promise he made. He truly fucked up, now he could never make it up.

*present*

You and Namjoon still don't talk, you had blocked his contact information, and you chose to work with a different group within Hybe. They let you work with ENHYPEN. You had hoped Ni-ki would get in and thankfully he did! He did such a great job too! You had also worked with Tomorrow x Together, you enjoyed working with them. A lot of this helped you forget about Namjoon, but part of you still longed to be with him. But you knew it was better this way. You could focus on work, and he could focus on making great music for his fans and the company. Namjoon however still longed to be with you, but he also knew better. He tried to contact you, but you had blocked him. So to ease his ever aching heart, he listened to your old voicemails and read over the old text messages you would send back and forth. He missed you deeply, but he knew he could never be with you, he wanted you so bad it hurt. But you could never be, you had said that exact same thing years ago, and now he believes it.

[bohnsky]

You guys. I might just be the happiest person alive right now. When I started getting into F1 a few months I decided for whatever reason (the reason being Charles Leclerc) to support Ferrari. I quickly learned that being a Ferrari fan came with lots of downs and very few highs, but today I learned that the highs can be so high that you want to die on the spot because there is no way life could get any better.

You can guess how I feel about Carlos winning today. In Monza I got a Chestappen podium, now I got a Carlando podium. What’s next? Strollonso? Sewis? (thinking about it, Seb’s going to be in Suzuka, maybe we’ll actually get Sewis content, not a podium tho)

Also I didn’t expect to see Eric Nam at F1. Never in my life would I have expected to watch Eric Nam shake Carlos Sainz’ hand. Like wtf?

And that last grill the grid episode killed me. As someone who is interested in geography I can say that some of their answeres were catastrophic. It was hard to watch at some points. (Like wtf do you mean you have to find Europe first?)

So here are my favorite drivers four months and a week into liking f1. This time I decided to do a top five because my top three haven’t changed in ages:

1. Alex Albon

I love him, his voice, his face, his goofy laugh, his personality, (his girlfriend ahem), his driving, his everything. Please marry me. The marketing short film with the Albon pets, I mean come on. Alex and cats is everything I need in my life. And the other drivers with his shoes, that’s so cute.

The weekend was not optimal for Williams, but tbh I didn’t really pay much attention to them because I was a little distracted by Ferrari and Red Bull.

2. Sergio Perez

Okay hear me out. I love Checo and I feel bad for what I’m about to say but I was so happy that Red Bull had a bad weekend. I like Max and I love Checo but it felt so good to see someone else win for a change. Although I would’ve loved to see Checo in front, because I always do.

3. Charles Leclerc

My little Ferrari heart was so happy this weekend. And I think that Charles should have pitted for mediums in the end there and maybe we would’ve gotten both Ferraris on the podium. Charles did some incredible defending and keeping the Mercs behind him to help Carlos. Afterwards he seemed a little bummed out, but happy enough for the team and Carlos.

Also he’s just the cutest on grill the grid, always looks so confused. And his laugh, I can’t with him.

4. Lewis Hamilton

This is probably no surprise to anyone, because I keep debating if I should put him or Charles on third and Charles always wins. Lewis is great and he deserves the podium. Although I do think that George should have gotten it.

Also I just found out that he has an Extreme X team. With Christina Gutierrez. How cool is that please? (Not as cool as Carlos Sr. with Laia Sanz my love my one and only, but still)

5. Carlos Sainz

So this is where it gets intresting, because I had Lando and Lance on my list for fifth as well, but lately I have become somewhat obsessed with Carlos. I’ve always liked him, but now I love him. He has become one of my favorite drivers (otherwise he wouldn’t be fifth lol). He is funny, smart, seems like a very nice guy and doesn’t take himself too seriously and I love that. I guess you can imagine how I went feral several times this weekend. The fact that he kept Lando close enough so he’d be in his DRS zone. I mean sure it was strategy, but still. I like to believe that he did it solely to help his Lando.

Honerable mentions:

Lando. Of course, what a great race and I can’t with all of this Carlando content. They deserve the world. But damn just let Lando stay home when you do geography with grill the grid. It hurts us all, not only him.

Lance. I really don’t know what it is about him. He took my heart. Every time I see him, I just want to squeeze him. I was super happy about all the Lance content we got from grill the grid, but then quail happened. I just hope he is okay and recovers quickly. That crash was insane, but luckily security got better over time.

Fernando. First it was all fun and games with Strollonso and all, but I’ve somehow started to actually get attached. He makes me happy, or in this case sad, because the race sucked for him. Not a good weekend for AM. Also Fernando with Alex' shoes. Loved it.

Max. I feel bad for him. I am happy that the Red Bull reign is over (for now) but he deserves a good car, because he’s just such a good driver. Also he really impressed me in grill the grid.

George. I shouldn’t be mad at him for being good, but I am. But at the same time I’m happy for him. He’s a great driver and damn what a race today, he really should have stood on that podium. But he ruined a Ferrari front row by being good so I am allowed to be mad.

Esteban. First of all, happy birthday my man. The race sucked again, but at least this time there was some coverage of him and we didn’t have to assume that he got abducted by aliens. And again, I love his accent way too much.

Liam. I had the time of my life watching his quail. I might have celebrated a little too much when he kicked Max out, but oh well. And he got his first points, which is great for him. I hope he gets a permanent seat soon.

Daniel. I had to include him just so I can mention Taylor Swift. My man singing Our Song was the best thing ever.

[eddiegettingshot]

no but eddie being in such a happy, relaxed place mentally and emotionally would make this the perfect time for him to have a carefree self-discovery arc. whereas (imo at least) buck had a lot of unresolved shit that he was trying to avoid via natalia catching up to him. idk this is the same way i felt when they tried to act like he and his parents had gotten somewhere new in s6 when they just played out the exact cycle of buck getting hurt-them paying attention that was introduced in buck begins. like buck attempting to outrun his issues by jumping into something new is him falling into the same pattern as always - that doesn't change just bc he's dating a guy now. all this to say that there was a better way to play out buck's bi arc.

yeah i know i’ve been super negative but like, i feel like I’ve been consistent about my thoughts for the last three days - i’m genuinely upset FOR buck as a character because from a storytelling perspective i think he deserved a better coming out arc than “i’m having too many emotions i can’t deal with and my self-discovery is going to come at the expense of my best friend’s feelings (and health!) and at the expense of what the last six seasons have said about me as a person.” i think the entire episode made him look childish in a way that did him a disservice because you’re right, now it looks like he’s on the same hamster wheel but WORSE because he acted like an idiot in a brand new way in the process (which i really really REALLY really really hope is addressed next episode, but honestly, even the apology won’t make up for what a terrible friend he was in the first place).

like i said gay people have problems too and unless they are actually planning on having buck eventually be like, oh shit, it WAS about eddie, it’s literally going to look like every other situation he’s ever been in (and tbh i’m not saying this as someone who wants buddie - i don’t think it would be satisfying rn BECAUSE of this episode. but if they didn’t want buddie then they wrote themselves into a corner again with this by using eddie and by extension chris as plot devices, rather than e.g. the 118 which would have been a great callback to 2x01).

i so wish we had seen buck’s acting out culminate in some kind of thoughtful self-reflection that still could have led him to tommy, instead of having tommy show up (because of eddie right?) to smooth things over, validate buck’s insanity, and then be the one to 100% drive things forward. but idk i guess we’ll see what happens next time 🤷🏾‍♀️

[jameswyerford]

do you think it’s still possible that eungyeol didn’t change yichan’s fate? I was waiting all of ep 12 for some signs of the trauma affecting his hearing but there was nothing of that sort so now I’m feeling. very unsure and scared to watch the rest. also while I’m on ep 12 I thought it just in general had some weird twists. like them completely walking back on eungyeol confessing that he is yichan’s son instead of leaving it ambitious for yichan which I feel like would be much more interesting for their dynamic. and also idk I like that yichan misses cheongah but her blowing up at him like that felt a little sudden and out of nowhere as a writing choice. she’s hurt but before it was established within the show that she wants to be friends with yichan even if he doesn’t like her back so this sudden change without explanation was strange. and it could maybe make sense…. if they spent more time on cheongah. the sprinklers of her instead of a normal amount of screen time really are. frustrating

i dont think eungyeol is gonna be able to change his father's fate because his hearing loss is gonna be a canon event (it better be or else im gonna do something drastic) as i mentioned before i think yichan will lose his hearing progressively rather than immediately. episode 12 of any kdrama can be a turning point for the show because it either goes okay and makes sense or it is a mess and feels like a totally different show lmao akdbdk

and i feel like they made cheongah a side character that will only have screentime if it is shared with either eungyeol yichan and even eunyu which sucks so bad like ?? we have barely seen her on her own, this is supposed to be a drama that celebrates deaf people and instead they got the only deaf character being miserable all.the.damn.time. turning her into some kind of martyr... im kinda tired of it tbh

and i think the lack of (meaningful) screentime of cheongah explains why we dont understand her reactions sometimes,, i personally think she was angry at him because he somehow confuses her (and honestly sometimes he confuses me as well) cheongah is a person who has spent most of her life alone and now she has got a friend she happens to like and who doesnt exactly check on her (because he is obsessed with a girl who doesnt even pay attention to him akdbksns and cheongah seems to see it too and is pissed/sad for it she is a teenager after all) and yichan is someone who is popular at some extent so i believe that makes cheongah think he is friends with her because he pities her or wants to look like the great guy who is friends with someone with a "disability" which isnt true at all!! we have clearly seen yichan genuinely wants to be his friend but after everything she is going through i think she doesnt see it that way anymore

(hopefully all of this makes sense i feel like i lost myself within the lines aksbksns)

[alexhandersenblog]

„It’s the same principle. Because liking or dislike is simply a personal interpretation of what we think and feel about something even without knowing something/someone well or personally.“

Hi the anon from a few days ago here😉. I agree☝🏻. Alex could post a thousand happy smiley kissing pics with her, could say anything in public, she could say anything and you may follow them and enjoy all of it, but you still wouldn't know what was really going on behind closed doors🤫. Every post they do is intentional and posted to make YOU double tap. Instagram is fame, money and attention. Either you like what you see and hear online or you don’t but you‘ll never know them for real. Which is why I asked if it was ok to share my OPINION and our (me&friends) predictions after a year of following everything. Simple as that.

The anon calling me a hater: Spreading hate wasn’t my intention. I’m glad you’re enjoying Johanne and Alex together. For me her pretentious act on Instagram and the things she has done like lying and trolling ruined the experience of being a fan for Alex for me personally. It made me see Alex in a different way. He was always hiding his true colors and actions from his fans and now I see why. Even before Johanne was in the picture I felt a little irritated at his boyish behavior during fan conventions. It didn’t look genuine to me but more like acting. And reading several Danish interview in the recent years about how he feels about his fans, like „I feel nothing“. But then turns around and says completely different things at conventions to his fans who pay him a shit ton of money of course 😅 Him just saying something in English when he wanted money for something. And just the way he obviously spend every hour on Instagram over the years but told his fans maaaany times how much he hates social media and doesn’t even like using it. And lastly his interviews about how „self promotion is the most boring thing you can do on social media“ etc. it’s all just …meh.

Our main points were that he already made up his mind, but if he had really been madly and genuinely in love, he would’ve been completely different from the jump. The point was that he made a mental checklist of what he has to accomplish by a certain age and that his mom is a little pushy

I didn’t say he wasn’t an adult, although not having any serious adult relationships before this one isn’t too good.

Him saying he has to give it another month and he has to find a wife and he has to this and that is not great here. But ultimately it doesn’t matter because like I said, I believe it’s already a done deal and I believe he will be hurt in several years. My opinion.

And just to be clear : We have seen many examples of Johanne "push him", we have seen examples of her "manipulate" him and there are even screenshots that prove she is staging her posts on Instagram for likes and lying to his fans and deleting evidence. There are examples of her trolling his fans and just btw the endless posing in his clothes is a little psycho at this point. Looks like there are examples of her sucking up to „important“ people as I saw the other day on another blog.

This blog is just kind enough to let a few remaining fans express their opinions before leaving for good..

But I wish you much fun following them over the next years. Especially Johanne will offer you a lot of content that will appeal to you. ✌🏼. I believe Instagram and his fan accounts are free of criticism anyways. So just enjoy?

Anon to anon.

***

Especially the part about Alex… I’m having the same feeling about it tbh… bit sad but it is what it is i guess 🥲

Always welcome to share your opinion. I try my best to post it! ☺️

By the way, props to both of you for having two different opinions, but still being able to share your views in a respectful way 🥰

[dollfaceksj]

I haven’t done a review ina bit, I’m sorry :( my classes started so I’ve been a bit busy. Anyway tysm for updating so much, you’re one of the only authors I follow who uploads consistently & I appreciate it sm !! You truly do spoil us <3 let’s get into it … TWENTY FOUR?????!! Omg. Like. Omg. I loveeeeeee me some angst so this may be one of my fave chapters so far. Idk if you meant the note at the end to be angsty but I interpreted it like that a bit. Only because it sounded a tinsy bit sad in the beginning with the “since you don’t wanna hear me you’ll just have to read this” but then it was so cute with her little “p.s” remark!! I think I’m mostly thinking the note as a bit angsty bcs I just picture him waking up seeing she’s not next to him, waking up and looking for her & seeing the note & going ☹️ but then going 😒😒 because whatever she was an asshole anyway. But maybe I’m overthinking. I think it’s great that oc apologized + the extent that she apologized because I wouldn’t have imagined her being so insistent. I personally would’ve felt embarrassed after he ignored the first initial apology & would’ve just left when he walked away (ik she tried) but I like this for her, to me it shows compassion and maturity in her character. We still don’t know everyyyy thing about jk so I think it’s not fair to say he’s overdoing it because he honestly seemed genuinely bothered by her comment. Maybe it hurts so bad bc he hates how someone he holds on some sort of high regard (oc) can view him like that. The “fuck you” from last chapter hurt me too lowkey so again, shout out to oc for brushing it to the side and still apologizing. I think it’s so sweet how even though hes mad at her he still took care of her. He could’ve just ignored her and kept walking. Now that would’ve been an asshole thing to do, but he didn’t. I’m curious as to what he left to do for a few hours ngl 👀 like don’t tell me he went to go get some and then came home to oc💀💀 I’m laughing but I’m not (tbh I don’t really think he did that but this is me just thinking). The kiss was so hawt too & when he’s all demanding🥵🥵 “sit down” “go to sleep, I don’t want to hear you anymore”. I need to chill ik. Idk if he kissed her just to shut her up or if he was so touched by her apology he just felt the need to kiss her. I wonder if the angst will continue or will there be any reconciliation next part!! I can’t wait !!! (Sorry this was so long)

i love this 😭😭 thank you for sharing ur thoughts i love reading yalls thought process so much!

i leave a lot up to y’all interpretation because personally it’s still an improv series in my eyes and i just want you guys to go with the vibe, unlike when i have a story planned out and people read the characters wrong.

w this i like that yall analyze so deeply and pay attention to these details and are moved w some of their actions just as much as i am. i really love that yall love reading this story as much i love writing it

thanks for being amazing <33

[myshipshipsitself]

If Only for a Moment || A Be My Favorite Fanfic

Title: If Only for a Moment Rating: G Pairing(s): Pisaeng/Max, Kawi/Pear, Kawi/Pisaeng (pre-relationship) Themes: Angst, no happy ending, unrequited love, Max taking care of the baby gays, Max is a good friend and deserves better tbh Summary: In which Max develops an unfortunate crush that he knows can't go anywhere. But life's all about living in the moment, right? Read on Ao3 here

“Let me be your gay Obi-Wan,” the words left Max’s lips without much thought. The colored lights of the bar flashed around them, and he had to speak louder and closer than normal to be heard. He was teasing, just looking to get a laugh. It was successful. Pisaeng laughed and elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

“If you can’t teach me to wield a lightsaber, you’re fired as my gay Obi-Wan,” Pisaeng said. Max pressed his lips together, just watching the other until he understood the unintentional innuendo. Pisaeng looked back at him, bright smile still on his lips. “What?” Max only quirked an eyebrow, smile slowly curling into a smirk.

He saw the moment it clicked. Pisaeng’s face turned bright red, his smile fell and he turned quickly away from Max. “Don’t—Forget I said that,” Pisaeng said. Max could hear the barely repressed laughter in his voice as he spoke. “I swear, if you make that joke, I’m walking out of here and never speaking to you again.”

“You said it, not me,” Max pointed out. He laughed and wrapped an arm around Pisaeng’s shoulders, tugging him along through the crowd. “Come on, I want to introduce you to Candy.” Candy was a drag queen that Max had met one of his first visits to the bar, and who had taken him under their wing. Candy would love Pisaeng, Max already knew that.

Max wasn’t really thinking much past trying to help Pisaeng get more comfortable in his own skin. Wasn’t thinking about his own thoughts or feelings. Not at first.

Then Pisaeng turned to look at him with a blinding, intoxicating smile, and Max knew he’d made a mistake.

The full weight of his mistake hit him a few days later, when Kawi waved him over to sit with them for lunch. He smiled, nodding at Pear and Kawi before sitting in the open seat beside Pisaeng.

“Finally, someone who’s on my side,” Pisaeng said, narrowing his eyes accusingly at Kawi. He wasn’t angry, not really. His expression was amused and exaggerated for the purpose of some joke Max wasn’t in on. He wasn’t going to dwell too much on how much he’d been paying attention to Pisaeng’s expressions that he could start to tell them apart.

It didn’t matter anyway, because no matter how many smiles and laughs he aimed at Max, they were nothing compared to the way he saw Pisaeng look at Kawi.

“He’s not on your side!” Kawi protested. “He’s my best friend.” Max smiled. At least some things were still right with the world.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but he’s right,” Max jumped in, pointing at Kawi. He raised his eyebrows expectantly at Pisaeng. “You’re very confident for someone who’s side I’m definitely not on,” he teased. Pear laughed behind her hand, but didn’t comment, just watching the verbal sparring match.

“You’ve been stuck as the third wheel with these two as many times as I have, right?” Pisaeng asked, in a tone just as confident.

“I generally avoid third-wheeling,” Max said.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Pisaeng said.

“Great, glad I could settle that,” Max said, not entirely sure what the disagreement had even been over. He opened his juice and took a drink.

“You can settle it by going out with me tonight,” Pisaeng said. Max choked on his drink.

“Sorry, what?”

“Us,” Pisaeng quickly amended. His face was turning as red as it had in the bar the other night. “Go out with us tonight.” Max stayed silent, eyes scanning around the table. Kawi was no longer smiling like he was in on the joke. He was staring at Pisaeng, a look of hurt and confusion painting his features, until he noticed Max watching him, then his eyes dropped to his plate.

“Where?” Max asked, because it seemed like the easier way to get the most information that he was missing. He looked back towards Pisaeng’s flushed cheeks and slight, hopeful smile.

This was a horrible idea.

“A club,” Pear answered. “I want to go dancing, but Kawi is nervous—“

“I’m not!”

“—So he wanted Pisaeng to join us.”

“And I don’t want to just be standing around by myself with no one to dance with,” Pisaeng finished. The soft smile, flushed cheeks and warm eyes were making quick work of what little resolve Max had remaining.

This was a monumentally horrible idea.

“So will you go with us?” Pisaeng asked. He said ‘us’ that time, but Max could still hear the ‘me’ unspoken. Max’s eyes slid back across the table to Kawi. He was grumpily poking at his rice bowl.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said carefully, turning back to Pisaeng. The smile fell, and that felt like a crime punishable by death. Max wondered who would be the one to arrest him—Probably Kawi.

“Come on,” Pisaeng tried again, this time reaching for Max’s wrist, holding his hand gently between his own. The smile that returned was a sad, pleading one. Max knew he would give in before Pisaeng finished his plea. His voice was quiet when he continued, and Max wondered if Kawi and Pear were supposed to hear, but there was no way they wouldn’t. “You’re supposed to be my gay Obi-Wan, right? Doesn’t that include teaching me how to be out and proud in a place that’s not the local gay bar?”

Max huffed out a breath, exaggerating the thought he put into his answer, though he already knew it. “I guess it does,” he relented. Pisaeng’s bright smile returned, and one would think everything was right with the world.

Except for the sharp pang in Max’s chest. Except for the way Kawi didn’t look up from his food. Except for Pear’s gentle nudges against Kawi’s shoulder trying to get his attention.

Except for the fact that Max knew the smiles Pisaeng offered him, while bright enough to light the Sun, weren’t anywhere near the ones reserved for Kawi. He tried not to care. He wanted to be a good friend. But it was becoming harder and harder.

—————

Max leaned against the bathroom counter, staring at eyes that watched him back in the mirror. He could do this. He could absolutely do this.

Just because Pisaeng was getting over a crush on Max’s best friend didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to go out and dance with him. He was helping. Kawi was going out with Pear, and Max would be a bad friend if he stood Pisaeng up and let him just spend the evening having to watch Kawi and Pear together from the corner.

So why did he somehow feel like an even worse friend for agreeing to go out with him? Kawi had told Max himself that he didn’t like Pisaeng. His eyes didn’t say the same as his words, but that was Kawi’s problem, not Max’s.

And just because Pisaeng still looked at Kawi like he hung the moon and stars didn’t mean that Max standing him up would make that go away. Even if Pisaeng was just using him to get over Kawi, that was fine, right?

Max knew this wouldn’t be anything. Not really. It couldn’t be. Not with the way Pisaeng was still pining over Kawi. He was just being a good friend. Showing Pisaeng that falling for a(n alleged) straight friend was a bad idea, and that just because he lost out on his first crush, didn’t mean he wasn’t worthy of finding a new guy that would fall for him. Hell, it wouldn’t be hard for Pisaeng to find any guy he wanted to fall for him.

Shaking his head, Max touched up the light eyeliner he’d put on and left.

The three were waiting outside the club when Max made it there. His eyes immediately found Pisaeng, and he was met with a bright, warm smile.

He shouldn’t be there. He somehow knew it in his gut. It felt like a future had already been written, and he wasn’t in it. But he was here, whether he was supposed to be or not.

Max put on a smile and joined them, his body moving instinctively without his input as they shuffled towards the door, showed their IDs and got drinks at the bar.

The first drink started to quiet the voice in his head. The second drowned it. The third allowed him to smile and laugh with Pisaeng after Kawi and Pear had left them in favor of the dance floor two drinks ago. When Pisaeng reached for his hand, Max squeezed it in his own, and let himself be pulled to the dance floor.

It was freeing, and amazing and beautiful. Or maybe that was the man in front of him. Pisaeng leaned forward to say something in his ear. He was pretty sure it was a commentary on the DJ, but he couldn’t be sure. All Max could register was warm breath against his skin, and a hand burning his waist through the thin fabric of his shirt. Pisaeng started to pull away, and Max’s hands found their way to his shoulders, keeping him close as they danced.

Fuck the future, fuck Kawi’s glass closet, and fuck the way Pisaeng looked at him the way he would never look at Max.

He was smiling at Max now, not looking around at Kawi or anyone else, and that was enough. It had to be enough.

Tomorrow was tomorrow’s problem. And the future was the future’s problem. Right now belonged to Max, and he was holding onto it for all he was worth.

“Max,” Pisaeng said, his voice close, his breath warm.

“Hmm?” Max answered. His eyes had fallen shut at some point as they danced. He opened them to see Pisaeng’s warm eyes barely a few inches in front of him. Pisaeng’s eyes dropped, and Max’s did as well. He watched Pisaeng’s tongue shoot out to lick his lips nervously.

His eyes moved back up the Pisaeng’s again. Max was drunk, but he wasn’t drunk enough to make the first move. It wasn’t his to make.

He didn’t need to, though. He felt Pisaeng’s hand slide from his waist around his back, tugging him closer. There was a warm, hesitant puff of air against his lips, then his eyes fell shut, and Pisaeng closed the small distance between them.

Max kissed back without a moment of the hesitation that he knew should be there. His hands moved from Pisaeng’s shoulders to cradle his face between his palms, fingers sliding back into his hair as their lips moved together.

“Kawi!” Pear’s sharp voice broke through the white noise around them, and they broke apart, both looking around for their friends. Pear was rushing after a retreating Kawi towards the door.

Max took a deep breath before daring to look back at Pisaeng. Hs heart dropped into his stomach. Pisaeng looked about how Max expected.

Heartbroken. Guilty. Regretful. Staring through the crowd towards where Kawi and Pear had disappeared. Max put a small amount of distance between them for his own sanity, before dropping a hand to Pisaeng’s arm and squeezing it gently.

Pisaeng looked at him, eyes wide and uncertain, as though not knowing how he got there. The music was still loud, and people were crowding too close, so Max just nodded towards the door their friends had disappeared out. Pisaeng nodded, but didn’t move. Max wasn’t sure if he could.

Max’s hand gripped Pisaeng’s arm and tugged him towards the door, weaving between people as they went.

By the time they got outside, Pear was standing alone, shivering in the wind and her short sleeve dress.

“Where’s Kawi?” Max asked.

Pear turned around, and Max could see the tears that had been streaming down her face. He reached out to pull her into his arms, and she curled against his shoulder. “I don’t know,” she mumbled against his shoulder. “We just—We were dancing, and everything was fine, then he just—I don’t know. He just got this look on his face, and he left. He didn’t even—He didn’t say anything. And when I got outside he was already getting into a cab.”

“Alright, I’ll go talk to him, okay?” Max said, pulling back to look her in the face. He offered a comforting smile as she nodded, and he leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead. “It’ll be alright.” He looked over her shoulder at Pisaeng, who looked like he was debating throwing himself into oncoming traffic. Max could only deal with one breakdown at a time, though. “Pisaeng,” he said, drawing the other man’s attention. He looked sharply around at his name being called, then his eyes dropped, unable to even look Max in the eye. He wasn’t gong to focus on how much that hurt. He couldn’t. “Can you make sure Pear gets home safe?”

“Yeah,” Pisaeng said. “Where are you going?” He asked, eyes set on Max’s shoes.

“I’m going to talk to Kawi,” Max answered.

“Maybe I should—“

“No,” Max said. He wasn’t going to say in front of Pear that Kawi needed the only one of them he wasn’t romantically interested in to talk some sense into him, but he hoped Pisaeng understood. “I’ll talk to him. Don’t worry, just get Pear home.”

Pisaeng nodded and took his jacket off, wrapping it around Pear’s shoulders. Something painful and cold twisted in Max’s chest at the sight, but he looked away, hailing a cab coming towards them.

Max helped Pear into the back of the cab, but stopped before getting in himself. “Max, I—“

“I know,” Max cut him off, maybe too sharply, but he couldn’t bear to hear it. He didn’t want Pisaeng to apologize for kissing him, or for asking him to the club. He didn’t think he could take it if Pisaeng said any of it was a mistake. It was. He knew it was, but if he heard Pisaeng say it, he knew that’s all he would be able to hear in his nightmares for the foreseeable future. “I know,” he said again, more gently this time. He offered a sad smile, and reached out to squeeze Pisaeng’s arm. “It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” Pisaeng said, and maybe that was worse.

Once the cab had pulled away, he waved for another one and gave the driver Kawi’s address.

In all honestly, he didn’t expect Kawi to let him in. He really didn’t. He expected to be stuck out in the cold for an hour, then to give up, go home, and try again the next day. But Kawi let him in, and then proceeded back to where it appeared he’d been before Max arrived— collapsed on the couch and crying into a pillow.

Max went to the kitchen first and filled two glasses of water before joining Kawi. He sat on the floor in front of Kawi and placed the glasses of water on the table.

He did say anything, just waiting, letting Kawi cry out as many tears as he needed to. The sharp, cold thing twisted in Max’s chest again. How had he managed to hurt two people he cared so much about in one night? In the span of about thirty seconds, if he was being precise.

“I’m sorry.” The words didn’t come from Max, and he had to watch Kawi’s face closely, replay through his own drunken memory the last minute, to be certain.

“I think that’s my line,” Max said, doing his best to add a teasing lilt to his tone. He failed, but he’d tried.

Kawi shook his head, swiping his hands roughly over his cheeks. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked out and stormed off like that,” Kawi said.

“Yeah, well I shouldn’t have kissed the guy you like,” Max answered. Kawi’s eyes went wide, and Max could see his mind scrambling for excuses. “Don’t. I know. I’m not blind. But you really should tell Pear. If you like them both, that’s fine, but be honest with them both.”

“I don’t—“ Kawi started, then broke off. “I’m not…”

“You don’t have to be anything,” Max said. “It’s fine that you like him. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” Kawi said. Max’s eyebrows shot up. That was an improvement. “But I still shouldn’t have done that. I’m dating Pear. I don’t—I can’t be jealous if Pisaeng likes—if he likes someone else. If he likes you.” Max started to interrupt, but Kawi waved a hand to stop him. “I missed my chance. You can be with him. I won’t get in the way.”

Max was silent for a long, frustrated minute. “I’ve never understood that noble bullshit in romantic movies,” he finally said. Kawi just stared at him in confusion. “The whole, ‘We both like the same person but I’ll be the better person and stand aside so you can be with them.’ Aside from the fact that it’s almost always a woman, and I won’t get into the nature of that trope treating women like property, but I’m sure you get the point—There’s also the fact that it’s not our decision alone. You get that, right?”

Kawi only stared blankly at him. “I’m not following.”

Max groaned and reach out to shake whatever parts of Kawi he could reach, which were his knees and shins. “It doesn’t matter if you want to be some noble hero or whatever bullshit, and stand aside so I can be with Pisaeng. I’m not the one he likes.” He let the silence linger for a minute, hoping it would sink it. “Do you get it? Pisaeng asked me out because he’s trying to get over you. Because you turned him down. I know I never had a chance with him. And even if you tell him a hundred times over that you don't return his feelings, I still won’t have a shot.”

The gravity of his words hit them both at the same time. Kawi stared at his hands, registering everything Max had said. Max pulled his knees to his chest and leaned his head against his knees, trying to even out his breaths, trying to stop that tears that burned the inside of his eyelids. His arms tightened around his legs, as if trying to physically stop his body from shaking so badly it felt like he would break apart into shattered pieces.

He never had a chance. He knew that. Every time he heard Pisaeng talk about Kawi. Every time he saw the way Pisaeng looked at Kawi. Even after Kawi had said he didn’t return Pisaeng’s feelings. Pisaeng didn’t look at him any differently. And Max knew that. He’d known that from the beginning. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, but here they were, and everyone hurt because of it.

“I’m sorry,” Kawi said again, and this time, the tears fell down Max’s cheeks, because he could hear it in Kawi’s voice. He knew this time what he was sorry for, and it wasn’t his own stupid actions. It was regret at his best friend’s pain, and Max didn’t want Kawi to see that, but he couldn’t stop it either.

Max felt arms encircle him, knees dropping to the floor in front of him as Kawi pulled him against his chest.

It felt like an hour, but he was pretty sure it had only been a few minutes, when Max caught his breath again and pulled away, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Just stop hurting him, alright?” He asked quietly. “Whether that’s admitting your feelings, or cutting him loose, just please stop hurting him, alright?” He felt Kawi nod against his shoulder.

“Want to crash here tonight?” Kawi asked. Max felt himself nod, and Kawi started moving around, throwing blankets and pillows onto the couch from the hall closet. Max took another minute, swiping his hands over his face and catching his breath before he moved.

He’d known it was a mistake. All of it. Somehow, he still couldn’t even bring himself to regret it. Somehow he felt t in his core, like the future was already written somehow, and he knew that when it came to Pisaeng, he didn’t have a place in it. Still. He had a moment. The future would be the future’s problem, but he had a moment, and as much as hit hurt when the moment ended, he couldn’t be upset that he’d had it.

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

You probably get this question a lot, but what aspects of Kou’s character make you love him so much?

(Tbh I didn’t pay much attention to him when I first got into DiaLovers but after reading your fics I really like his character a lot more lol.)

i have literally never gotten this question before so thank you. and thank you for reading my fics! i absolutely LOVE writing kou so much and i'm glad people like it. sometimes i worry i'm angsting him out too much and then i just remember his dark fate. he deserves all the love he can get ;;

i'm putting this under a cut because it's really long and has some tw

// mentions of suicide, CSA and drug abuse

His character design

starting off really basic but kou is really fucking pretty. i love his character design, his eyes are pretty, his hair is kinda dumb but cute, and he's so fruity?? the way he dresses and stands??? you can't tell me he's straight. he looks so good in all the art, he can pull of anything.

i recently got a BUNCH of kou merch on buyee for a really good price and i put it along my walls like this and damn

His voice

ryouhei kimura does such a good job with kou i think. he captures the way he can go from chirpy and happy to EXTREMELY angry in a split second. i gotta be honest i used to find kou's voice really annoying and it was like, the one thing that let me down. but then i listened to his more blood drama CD and damn. daaaaaamn. he's got such a range. honestly i love hearing kou angry lol. he's got such a sexy angry voice i can't take him seriously. and the way he says really simple things super over the top.

i also fucking love devil's spire with every part of me. i listen to it several times a day, every single day.

His humour

he's got a weird sense of humour, it's almost a bit morbid. like he talks about really serious things really jokingly. he calls yui silly nicknames and jokes with his brothers. some of the shit he says really makes me laugh even if it's not meant to. his drama CDs are great too, he's really overly dramatic and it's so funny.

His history with drug abuse

i don't think anyone wants to hear me talk about this any more because i've also written about it here and here but just know that the fact he did drugs in CANON makes me over the moon. i have such a fascination with drugs and writing characters as either recreational drug users or drug addicts is my favourite.

kou just fits it perfectly?? so far i've written him abusing heroin, cocaine, crack cocaine and MDMA, and i've hinted at him being an alcoholic in another fic. i can do so much with him. but it really draws me to his character. i wanna do drugs with kou so bad.

His further angst potential

like i said, kou's dark fate is a personal favourite. i think we see him at his lowest and most vulnerable. nothing broke me more than when ruki (you dick) breaks him apart from yui. and there's that flashback to him talking to karlheinz. and he's standing on the balcony, he says to himself "i can't see my blue sky anymore" then jumps off the fucking balcony. my guy tried to unalive because he was hurting so much.

not to mention his history of suicide attempts. i might be mistaken about this but i'm pretty sure kou is the only character who actively tried to commit suicide, and multiple times at that. his history with child assault too. we all know i'm a total slut for heavy, heavy angst. making kou severely unstable and on the verge of snapping all the time is really good if you want to write some dark shit.

he has such an unbelievable amount of trauma and it really shows. the fact he had to be given a magic eye in order to be able to simply trust someone because his trust was just that badly broken. i'll die on the hill that kou had borderline personality disorder too, i've written more about bpd here.

and that's not to mention seeing him having nightmares and stuff in more blood, and the struggles he has in lost eden.

one last thing which i don't think i've seen anyone say before, while i'm on the kou angst wagon - i know it's probably not this deep but. the implication that kou can't undo buttons himself because he was never the one undressing himself as a kid... ah...

The blue sky metaphor

kind of ties into the above point but the blue sky metaphor means a lot to me. essentially kou always thought it was something physical - like, the sky itself. but then karlheinz points out that it's something to live for. the blue sky thing is something to trust with everything, someone to live for. something always there - the fact he used drugs as a kid to find that first is pretty sad too. and then yeah, trying to leave this world when he can't see his blue sky, in which case it's yui.

uh, linking back to the previous point though, that's angst potential. he's very heavily co-dependent in a relationship.

I'm lowkey a kou-kinnie

i have a kou tattoo with the "you're my blue sky" quote and the lilies covering my arm for a reason. there's a lot of personal stuff i relate to - from seeking comfort in drugs to desperately searching for a reason to live, something to cling onto. there's a lot of thought cascades he shows which (correlate to BPD) i relate to, and kou does some pretty shitty things to yui when he doesn't know any better. i've said some nasty things similar to what kou has said although i unfortunately relate to laito on this front a lot more.

His relationship with Yui and Subaru

if we push aside the co-dependence part so i can say something positive and not sad for once, he forms relationships pretty well once he's gotten through the not-trusting stage. especially with the help of the eye. i keep going on about his dark fate but I Just Love His Dark Fate Okay. when he cries to yui telling her that she's his blue sky when they're reunited. when he tries so hard to learn to communicate and protect her and he even becomes quite good at apologising lol.

i don't have to explain why i love subakou. everyone knows i love them. but i really love them. look at the DEVELOPMENT from the first picture here to the second. i think about this so often.

i guess on that topic, i'm a huge softie for the mukami's brotherhood too. i'll always think back to the beginning of azusa's more blood when kou warns yui that azusa is the problem child. like, no, YOU'RE the problem child, kou. that's u.

there's probably more to say but goddamn i love him so much.

[mrs-steve-harrington]

Thank you for tagging me @elder-flower! Not sure what this is going to look like by the time I reach the end of it, but I'm gonna try and have fun along the way :D

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year! 

TOP 5 WORKS - not in any particular order

Sleeves - A very self-indulgent Antwan/Keys ficlet I wrote towards the beginning of the year. I remember that, at the time, I thought I was already pretty much done writing Free Guy fic. Writing it at all had been more about getting a different fic to no longer show up under Recent Works on my ao3 dash. Then the idea for this struck me one day while rolling up the sleeves on a button down shirt I don't often wear. It was a lot of fun to write (who knew wrist touching could be so sexy??) and I'm still really proud of it, tbh.

as long as you'll have me - This Steve/Nancy ficlet was written for my pre-July Flash Bingo card. It didn't get much attention, but before season 4 aired, Stancy fic got basically none anyway (and even less when using the Dead by Daylight stuff), so that was expected. I still like it, though. It's not very long, but it has some of my favorite angst in it with Steve being sure Nancy is only kissing him because he's familiar in this strange, dangerous dimension they've ended up in. idk, I just dig it!

Don't Hurt Me - This is a Steve/Nancy ficlet that I wrote for 2021's fandomtrees, but of course it wasn't revealed until January of this year (and I think I probably actually only finished it right before reveals anyway haha). I'd been wanting to write a stancy soulmate au for @stevethehousewife and came across the idea of soulmates being unable to physically harm each other while trying to come up with ideas. I wondered how that might change the alley scene in s1 and started going from there. Again it's Stancy so it didn't get much in the way of attention, but I'm really happy with how it turned out! Plus, there can literally never be too many soulmate fics for any of my ships.

The Craziest Things Happen in Hawkins - A general (no ships), Steve-centered ficlet written for the July Break Bingo that I just really like! It doesn't really have an ending because I couldn't get to one in the time limit (and I was determined to get a BINGO before the month ended). But I don't really care about that. It has exactly what I wanted in it: protective Steve sacrificing himself so that Joyce doesn't get hurt (and so that Jonathan and Will and El don't lose someone important to them so soon after Hopper's death). I'm especially fond of Steve acting like his dad will totally pay a ransom for him when he knows it's a lie, and also knows he probably won't make it back from this. I just don't get to write protective Steve enough because I have too much fun with angsty Steve, but this was great!

Answering Your Call - My first written and published ABO fic! Of course it would be for Stranger Things and Jonathan/Steve/Nancy. I'd have it no other way. This was originally written for an event in the 30+ Fic Writers discord server I'm in (though I never added it to that collection because the people there are lovely and tend to comment on event fics even in fandoms they don't know and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured into reading it if they wouldn't have normally gravitated towards it). I've always been too intimidated by ABO stuff because there's so much of the au that squicks me, and I still have trouble articulating what I want from it myself. But I loved getting to write protective alpha Nancy and Super Growly and Protective Jonathan refusing to let omega Steve get hurt. There's that touch of angst that I love (and would make even angstier if I ever continued with it), but also some comfort and idk, it's just good stuff imo.

TOP 4 CURRENT WIPS - also in no particular order

Steve presents as an omega late (Stoncy) - A fic where Steve always secretly hoped he would present as an omega because he liked the idea that he might be wanted, might be taken care of, might be able to have children and a big family after feeling very alone in his own family. And he does eventually present as an omega, but it happens post-S4 and rather than cause any problems for everyone, he keeps it a secret. That way none of the kids feel bad about moving on after high school, and the adults won't worry about someone needing to stick around either because he's keeping an eye on things. (People do not see omegas as weak, just important and they wouldn't want him stuck with the weight alone).

The real meat of the fic won't start until after all of this, when he goes into crisis after his body starts rejecting his suppressants and Nancy and Jonathan are brought in to help him, resulting in the three of them forming a bond while he's in heat (but without the non/dub-con sex that accompanies this sort of thing usually) and him angsting about forcing them into something they couldn't have wanted (but of course the three of them having been pining for each other for YEARS).

soulmate au (Stoncy) - Siiiiiigh. The very same soulmate au I've been working on since, idk, 2019 or 2020 or something. A long ass time. But while unsuccessfully trying to get it finished for Fandom Trumps Hate this year, I ended up figuring out how to get to the ending. It's just a matter of actually writing the damn thing. There's only gonna be 3 Stoncy readers left by then, but whatever. This is still the most self-indulgent fic I've ever worked on and I love it so much. I want other people to be able to read it!!

anything (anything) for you part 2 (Stoncy) - Another wip that has been in the works for a long, long time. Two more chapters are written, but I've been stuck on Chapter 4 for over a year or something. But I've brainstormed with a couple of friends and I think I have a solid idea for where it should go. I dug myself into a bit of a hole with their relationship and it took a while to figure out how Nancy and Jonathan could possibly find out that Steve was faking his feelings for Jonathan in desperation to keep being allowed to date Nancy, without them ending things. But it should be good. Just another thing that I have to actually try to write, which is unfortunately the hardest part.

Deal with Vecna (Vecna/Steve) - A fic where, in the aftermath of hearing some harsh things about himself, Steve decides to try and trade his life for Max's because then at least he'll have done something to help. Only Vecna decides he'd rather have Steve's body than take his life. I've gotten the whole first part done, but I'm still struggling with where I want it to go and whether or not Steve should be saved.

3 BIGGEST IMPROVEMENTS

None! I may have actually gotten worse at both writing AND finishing things!! But it was a really hard year of writing for me. It's whatever!

TOP 2 RESOLUTIONS

Post at least 1 fic per month next year. This year I went through a stretch where I didn't post anything for a whole month (maybe two?) and it fucked with my mentally and emotionally. I hate it. So I would like to try and keep that from happening again!!

Be even MORE self-indulgent. If only a handful of people are gonna enjoy my stuff anyway, I might as well put everything I like into a fic without taking other people into consideration (I say knowing full well this will not happen but I can dream).

NUMBER 1 FAVORITE LINE

You don't even want to know how many fics I skimmed through to try and find any lines that worked well on their own. Not even sure how much this one does. But it stood out to me and I don't think it's too shabby.

— Every step of the way, some part of him is touching Keys' arm—the ends of his fingers as he holds him in place, the knuckles of his thumbs when he tugs the material taut.

Tagging: @stevethehousewife @urisarang @readythefanons @tkwritesdumbassassins

[fakevariety]

soft asks to get to know people

what song makes you feel better?

lucy dacus' cover of dancing in the dark by bruce springsteen i love to spin around in my room to that shit

what’s your feel-good movie?

spider-man across the spider verse uggghhhh love that movie sm

what’s your favorite candle scent?

um to be honest i have no idea i think most candle scents are great

what flower would you like to be given?

i should know the answer to this because my godmother is a florist and i spend a lot of time with her but tbh idk much, any flowers make me feel so special

who do you feel most you around?

my best friend, especially on our walks home

say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

oh dear ok this is sweet but hard

1 (physical) - my hair! it's at a great length and a cool color

2 (physical) - um. my calves? LMAO, idk, i have big calves and they make me feel strong?

3 (physical) - i asked my brother because i had no idea and he said my eyes, said they're very noticeable which is very sweet of him and i kind of agree, they are a very pretty brown and they are just like my dad's (i look exactly like my dad fyi)

1 (non-physical) - i am super super loyal, which is good but also sometimes not good because i will stick by someone and put so much effort into a friendship and then i get super hurt when they don't do the same

2 (non-physical) - i am very good at comforting people i think, it's probably because i have therapists for parents but yeah i think i am good at making people feel better

3 (non-physical) - i love that i'm good at writing, it's like my thing and i love it

what color brings you peace?

gray, i love it, it's just a peaceful color

tag someone who make you feel good. 

@enchanting-grom-fright

what calms you down?

music, checking in with my surroundings, just getting in touch with what is actually happening around me so i don't get swept up in my thoughts

what’s something you’re excited for?

the day after christmas because that's when the next percy jackson episode comes out!

what’s your ideal date?

hmm idk. i think it would depend on the person, but for the person i currently like? going to the aquarium and then going home and getting pizza and then watching a movie and having a sleepover. not really a date ig, that's just my fav thing to do with her

how are you?

it's been a rough few weeks, but i think things are getting a bit better again

what’s your comfort food?

matza ball soup, i don't have it often at all but it makes me feel so cozy

favorite feel-good show?

idrk know if this counts as a feel good show, it's just a comedy, but PARKS AND REC!!!! it is so amazing and always make me feel better

for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

idrk what this means so i'm just going to describe my friends in one word (i also only have two of my irl friends on tumblr so not everyone has a tag, just nicknames)

@enchanting-grom-fright - thoughtful

@squ1shydy1ngbubbl3s - inteligent

walk home friend - crazy

chipotle bud - bubbly

baking friend - hilarious

fairy lights or LED lights?

fairy obviously

do you still love stuffed animals?

YES I LOVE THEM SM

most important thing in your life?

my friends

what do you want most in the world right now?

i'm not sure, but the first thing that came to my mind was to get into my dream high school

if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

pay attention to which of your friends actually makes you feel good

what would you say to your future self?

what color is your hair now?

favorite piece of clothing?

my boygenius $20 t-shirt, followed closely by my black jeans

what’s something you do to de-stress?

watch parks and rec

what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

customized cd i would love that sm

what movie would you want to live in?

I have no fucking idea

which character would you want to be?

i'm sorry i have no idea ugh

hugs or hand-holding?

both!

morning, afternoon or night?

night

what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

listening to the evening radio

[euelios]

also gordon-douglas foiling fascinates me. the deduction sequence on gerti hits so close to home for douglas' arc specifically. stuff occurs to douglas specifically because he is the way he is—and in doing so, makes absolutely clear what We The Audience have understood all along.

[cut for length, final ep discussion, go listen to cabin pressure.]

first off: the smuggling. gordon's "i'm not a smuggler" is certainly your garden-variety desperate/disparaging plea, but imo it also has a shade of takes one to know one. bluffing a little, maybe implying projection. surely only another smuggler would continue to suspect. (surely another smuggler would think him not the type...?)

which--gordon's not entirely wrong about that. only a smuggler would have put the pieces together just so, and douglas is an old hand. he's even been caught before, and it's poetic cinema audiodrama that a tactic much like the one that lost him his air england job saves MJN (twice over). kimonos to brake pads to gold. but douglas understands why he pulls the schemes he does. for fun. for the challenge. to see if he can get away with it. to prove a point. he's glib and sly and overly fresh and he's in it for the bit--

and he knows (we know) that gordon "yeah, dammit, i forgot you'd met her" shappey isn't in it for the attention to detail. gordon doesn’t really care about anything.

if anything douglas cares too much, not that he's ever going to come out and say it. like the "...oh. or did you suspect you were going to get divorced..." comment. i love roger's line delivery. a little showy because it's fun to so thoroughly have someone's number. but also maybe a touch too knowing to be a fully spur-of-the-moment. reeling it off like a connection, something lurking in the back of the mind. yes it’s about gordon being morally bankrupt, but also... i can't help but be a little melancholy when i link it back to limerick. surprise! secrets and secrets. biding your time. making plans, waiting for some other shoe to drop. and then it does, but not the way you thought it might.

(where gordon’s schemes hurt, make a launchpad out of soft bits that you didn’t realize you still had, douglas is trying to pull people in. impress them. keep them around by vanishing his faults. he catches what people wouldn't even think to look for—the challenges, the jabs. stuff with imagination. how funny that it’s the tired, conventional stuff which takes that old romantic by surprise.)

see also, "the house, the car, and--indeed--the son". the audience laughs because roger kills it as always with the disdain, but i'm like... sad? so sad. about it. conceptually. arthur being an idiot is a running joke, but the idea that someone could just... put a price someone who loves so much, who loves you so much? loop your own son in with buyables? lure him in and break his heart and destroy his last bit of fondness for you on the way? gordon can do it. gordon did do it.

tbh atp i kind of see gordon as an absurd mirror for elements of like, darkest timeline mjn-less douglas. more ends than means. surface-level jovial, but cutthroat and cynical and spiteful underneath. but douglas chooses differently. acts differently. people are more than where they end up: more than things, more than money, more than titles and stripes--they have to be. you couldn't pay a great many people to deal with MJN, but he begs, borrows and steals his way to a happy ending for 26 episodes, because for all their literal and metaphorical baggage there has to be something good in this crew of misfits. even at his snarkiest, even when being a dead-sober 57 year old first officer with three failed marriages gets him down... that's what keeps douglas from getting properly cruel.

that's something gordon shappey--able to buy anything he wants, only in anything to get something out of it--wouldn't even want to understand. but the work you put into getting where you are matters. the love you give out will save you. the love you accept will save you. maybe the treasure really is in this junktrap of a plane we flew along the way, but that won't matter as much as you think it will, because you found it only when you cared enough about your steward to take that off-hand (and absolutely incorrect) thing he said into consideration. we spent all this time growing fond with no reward in sight. gold or no, that isn't about to change.

so you know. maybe only a smuggler would have entertained searching the wires. but i suppose only a proper dad would have remembered the great wall of china.

P. S. +1 for the silly and important and compelling: arthur's "OH COME ON DOUGLAS JUST FIND IT" gets me. furious at gordon for betraying him, irritated at douglas for doubting himself, and yet. still so certain that things would be set right. willing the thing to happen, shouting it into existence like some force or nature, or act of god--but isn't that the magic of it? not that douglas (or anyone, really) can sort everything out all the time, nor should he have to. but the--believing in someone, and being believed in right back, and having people finally (finally) take that faith so gently and seriously.

i’ve reached the end of zurich and like. the way that arthur yells for (martin and) douglas just sends me (read: breaks my heart just a bit)