#have a little fun. put some love in it. some whimsy. some patience. people are good if you let them be. if ur good to them back

[euelios]

also gordon-douglas foiling fascinates me. the deduction sequence on gerti hits so close to home for douglas' arc specifically. stuff occurs to douglas specifically because he is the way he is—and in doing so, makes absolutely clear what We The Audience have understood all along.

[cut for length, final ep discussion, go listen to cabin pressure.]

first off: the smuggling. gordon's "i'm not a smuggler" is certainly your garden-variety desperate/disparaging plea, but imo it also has a shade of takes one to know one. bluffing a little, maybe implying projection. surely only another smuggler would continue to suspect. (surely another smuggler would think him not the type...?)

which--gordon's not entirely wrong about that. only a smuggler would have put the pieces together just so, and douglas is an old hand. he's even been caught before, and it's poetic cinema audiodrama that a tactic much like the one that lost him his air england job saves MJN (twice over). kimonos to brake pads to gold. but douglas understands why he pulls the schemes he does. for fun. for the challenge. to see if he can get away with it. to prove a point. he's glib and sly and overly fresh and he's in it for the bit--

and he knows (we know) that gordon "yeah, dammit, i forgot you'd met her" shappey isn't in it for the attention to detail. gordon doesn’t really care about anything.

if anything douglas cares too much, not that he's ever going to come out and say it. like the "...oh. or did you suspect you were going to get divorced..." comment. i love roger's line delivery. a little showy because it's fun to so thoroughly have someone's number. but also maybe a touch too knowing to be a fully spur-of-the-moment. reeling it off like a connection, something lurking in the back of the mind. yes it’s about gordon being morally bankrupt, but also... i can't help but be a little melancholy when i link it back to limerick. surprise! secrets and secrets. biding your time. making plans, waiting for some other shoe to drop. and then it does, but not the way you thought it might.

(where gordon’s schemes hurt, make a launchpad out of soft bits that you didn’t realize you still had, douglas is trying to pull people in. impress them. keep them around by vanishing his faults. he catches what people wouldn't even think to look for—the challenges, the jabs. stuff with imagination. how funny that it’s the tired, conventional stuff which takes that old romantic by surprise.)

see also, "the house, the car, and--indeed--the son". the audience laughs because roger kills it as always with the disdain, but i'm like... sad? so sad. about it. conceptually. arthur being an idiot is a running joke, but the idea that someone could just... put a price someone who loves so much, who loves you so much? loop your own son in with buyables? lure him in and break his heart and destroy his last bit of fondness for you on the way? gordon can do it. gordon did do it.

tbh atp i kind of see gordon as an absurd mirror for elements of like, darkest timeline mjn-less douglas. more ends than means. surface-level jovial, but cutthroat and cynical and spiteful underneath. but douglas chooses differently. acts differently. people are more than where they end up: more than things, more than money, more than titles and stripes--they have to be. you couldn't pay a great many people to deal with MJN, but he begs, borrows and steals his way to a happy ending for 26 episodes, because for all their literal and metaphorical baggage there has to be something good in this crew of misfits. even at his snarkiest, even when being a dead-sober 57 year old first officer with three failed marriages gets him down... that's what keeps douglas from getting properly cruel.

that's something gordon shappey--able to buy anything he wants, only in anything to get something out of it--wouldn't even want to understand. but the work you put into getting where you are matters. the love you give out will save you. the love you accept will save you. maybe the treasure really is in this junktrap of a plane we flew along the way, but that won't matter as much as you think it will, because you found it only when you cared enough about your steward to take that off-hand (and absolutely incorrect) thing he said into consideration. we spent all this time growing fond with no reward in sight. gold or no, that isn't about to change.

so you know. maybe only a smuggler would have entertained searching the wires. but i suppose only a proper dad would have remembered the great wall of china.

P. S. +1 for the silly and important and compelling: arthur's "OH COME ON DOUGLAS JUST FIND IT" gets me. furious at gordon for betraying him, irritated at douglas for doubting himself, and yet. still so certain that things would be set right. willing the thing to happen, shouting it into existence like some force or nature, or act of god--but isn't that the magic of it? not that douglas (or anyone, really) can sort everything out all the time, nor should he have to. but the--believing in someone, and being believed in right back, and having people finally (finally) take that faith so gently and seriously.

i’ve reached the end of zurich and like. the way that arthur yells for (martin and) douglas just sends me (read: breaks my heart just a bit)

[zshipperandartizt]

Hey Zshipper, can you tell me some facts about your version of the 6 fallen humans and possibly post colored pictures of them?

Of course I can!! Also I'll do you one better, I made ref sheets for them all! (minus Frisk and Chara, idk if I'll do them yet since their designs are pretty well established in the fandom.)

I don't know if this is considered an au but in my soul children lore they revived after Frisk broke the barrier with some of them staying in the underground and some going back to the surface.

Prepare for a yap session!

Starting with Charolette the Soul of Patience

Charolette is one of if not the quietest of the soul kids, often not involving herself in conversations. She usually looks pretty sad which prompts others to try and cheer her up and it works half of the time, the other half of the time she'll cry and be upset that she bothered them.

Charolette has selective mutism of which she struggles with it but she tries to find work arounds! One of the methods of communicating she has mastered is using the echo flowers! She will carry a small basket of them and hold the one that has the response she wants to give.

Next is Harry the soul of Bravery

Harry is definitely one of the most loud of the group, often shouting and being fed up with everything. He acts like he hates everyone and will try to distance himself as a way to protect himself which is a trauma response.

Harry is also the shortest of them all! He bickers with basically everyone about every little thing, often trying to make enemies of them. (mostly Clover and Willow because they mostly don't hesitate to bicker back)

Despite him being so angry all the time he does care about his friends, often showing tough love towards them since he can't show it normally.

Harry wants to become stronger to protect his friends and the ones he considers important, often training to the point of exhaustion. He'll pick fights with anyone he doesn't consider weak and sometimes he teases Willow because he thinks they're weak.

Apricot, Soul of Kindness

Apricot is very joyus and whimsy even when things get dire! They often make jokes in order to cope with whatever is happening which makes people see them as unserious. (they're just like me fr)

They have no enemies, often being friendly towards everyone! Despite being loud and enthusiastic almost all the time they're a really good listener which is why some confide in them.

They hate it when their illness is brought up and will often change the subject multiple times to deviate from the original topic. They don't like it when others worry about them, why would they have to worry when they're perfectly fine? (Also fun fact Apricot loves bunnies! They have strings on their bunny hoodie that if you pull on them the ears move up and down!)

Willow, Soul of Perseverance

Willow usually sees things from a realistic viewpoint, often questioning things to get information so they can write it down in their book. They're pretty smart and will solve a problem quickly to impress others.

Willow doesn't really understand basic empathy, often missing social cues and rarely ever showing any hint of emotion. All they want is to keep to themselves, that's it.

Willow likes hanging out with Charolette because she's quiet, they also like hanging out with Clover and April sometimes as well as Sylvine. They dislike Harry because he teases them and calls them a dork moat of the time.

Sylvine, Soul of Integrity

Sylvia loves to dance and puts on shows for the others! She will try to cheer them up with her dancing and will mess up on purpose to make them laugh, if that doesn't work then she'll ask them what she can do to help.

Sylvia doesn't like Harry because he thinks dancing is stupid, she often hangs around Charolette and Willow because they actually like to dance with her. Sylvia is a pretty boasting person, often calling her dances perfect and claiming she doesn't make any mistakes.

She also LOVES sleepovers and playing dress up! She often gets Charolette and Willow to dress in fancy clothes with her and often drags Clover and Apricot into it too as well as Harry sometimes!

Clover, Soul of Justice

Cloverrrrrr!! I hope I did their design justice (heh, get it?) because I had the most trouble with it (I cannot draw cowboy hats I'm so sorry)

Clover is friendly towards all the others, often helping them out or just hanging with them! They will often go along with the flow until something happens, then they will defend their friends at all costs.

They like playing with April, reading with Willow, arguing with Harry, and just sitting with Charolette. They think dressing up is a bit weird but sometimes it's fun so they don't mind. Clover didn't really have any friends on the surface so they depend on the soul kids to an extent, often they try to make sure they're happy and alright. (also another fun fact, they got their cowboy boots from Starlo!)

Aaaaaand that's it! If you want more facts about them then do ask! I'm happy to yap some more about them lol, also sorry for just jumping around my mind is focused on way too many things at once lol

[misty720]

Small note - Elodie is an OC from my second story and a main player in it. I just haven't worked on it in a long time...

Curses and Blessings - Ch 2:

Living on the Surface had its good and bad just like the Underground. Papyrus found society trying at times, but he was grateful for his little human and their three children. He was grateful to his sister in law for such an opportunity and for her unrelenting DETERMINATION to save them twice over. He loved his life, his career, his family, and all the opportunities afforded still. However, he realized he would have been just as happy back in Snowdin if he could still have his little family. He cared for people, his own kind and humans alike, yet he found some humans to be more tolerable than others, and the older he grew the less patience he had for nonsense. Whimsy, fun, and innocent jokes or pranks where not what he meant by 'nonsense' either. To put it bluntly, he didn't have time nor willpower to put up with bullshit anymore. Papyrus still believed in second chances, benefit of the doubt, and people having the potential to be better or do better, sure. It was simply that the man had found a threshold for his once unbridled patience.

Yes, life on the Surface had its curses as well as well as blessings. This thought hitched a ride in the back of his thoughts on his way to work which in and of itself was a blessing and a curse. Some days he felt more like a glorified babysitter than an entrepreneur or master chef and that included customers when necessary to deal with them.

Six in the morning wasn't terribly early for him specifically. Papyrus was used to waking up early, jogging, showering, and dressing for his role as Frisk's secretary until he was able to open his restaurant on the other side of town far from where MTT's sat. All of that went out the window the first month before he ever even served his first customer. His routine became more like wake up, run nonstop, drag himself home to either cook or eat whatever nice meal his wife could conjure, drag himself to the shower, and drag himself to bed. At least, until Monday rolled around giving him a day to rest and spend time with his family. Clising Monday was a promise he made Chara years ago when Kabel wasn't quite born yet. Six in the morning gave him a half hour to finish prep and help his bakers organize the baked goods before unlocking the doors. "ALRIGHT, PAPYRUS. TIME TO GET IN AND MAKE THIS ANOTHER AMAZING DAY. YOU WILL NOT FUSS AT THE NEW HIRES BECAUSE YOU'RE SLEEPY, YOU WILL NOT FUSS AT THE NEW HIRES BECAUSE YOU ARE SLEEPY, YOU WILL NOT FUSS THE NEW HIRES BECAUSE YOU ARE SLEEPY. THEY ARE STILL LEARNING AND VERY FRESH ON THE FLOOR. LET THE FLOOR MANAGER DO HER JOB. ELODIE IS CAPABLE AND A GREAT LEADER. DON'T HOVER OVER HER LIKE SHE'S STILL A CHILD. OKAY, IT'S GO TIME," Papyrus gave himself a little pep talk before entering his establishment. Even with its bad, Papyrus wouldn't trade a moment if it meant being anything other than a husband, a father, and a head chef of his own restaurant.

Meanwhile, Chara was giving herself a pep talk after making sure Serif had a way to school and quarantining her other two. "Sans! Thank you!" she greeted her brother in law as he pulled into the driveway.

"Hey, pal! How's the two little ones?" he greeted them rolling down his window.

"Kabel's fever is high, but Sylf is fine. I just don't want her going after being up all night sick. Frisk sent you instead because you can't catch it I bet."

"Oh yeah, ya think she wants that bug? I'll hafta go through Al's sterilization chamber before enterin' and leavin' work 'cause I could still be carryin' it. Ya sure ya wanna send this one? He could spread it. Meanin'... Luci and Cori will catch it. Meanin'... I can't protect ya from Frisk when she catches and feels better."

"If he was showing symptoms, I'd keep him home but I can't keep him out of school just because. Besides, the girls will probably have it soon enough and bring it home. It's been making rounds in school."

"Wonderful... Guess we better 'stock' up, eh?"

"Pfft! I would to be safe. Alright, son. Be good for your uncle and call me if you start feeling ill."

"Thanks for picking me up, Uncle Sans," Serif greeted him climbing in the passenger seat.

"You're welcome, kiddo. Just... try to stay away from your cousins and sanitize your hands," Sans advised leaving the driveway.

Chara went back inside not wanting to leave her five and six year old little ones alone for long. "Chara, you're not going to snap at your mini clone because you're sleepy, you are not going to snap at your mini clone because you're sleepy, you are not going to snap at her because you are sleepy. Kabel will need another dose of fever medicine in four hours, Sylf will be hungry in two, and I'll need to make sure that boy drinks something," Chara told herself.

"Momma, Bubby threw up on the stairs trying to get to the bathroom!" Sylfae called out the doorway.

"Fuck..." Chara exclaimed under her breath. "Thank you for telling me, my minion. Stay away from Bubby today, okay? I don't want you sick again." Her daughter agreed and went into her room that used to be her cousin Lucida's because it was pink and the girl liked pink over Corsiva's old purple room. Serif was the oldest therefore was privileged with Frisk's old bedroom with the built in bathroom Papyrus and Sans added on for her birthday one year. Chara's life, to her, was both a curse and blessing as well. She loved being a Mom and not needing to work, she loved that her husband was capable and loving, and she loved her friends and family, but in order for her to do all of the things she did and her family to have what they had, she had to sacrifice so much time with her husband. Many nights, he was home before midnight, but there had been plenty he didn't come shuffling in until two in the morning beat from running all over that restaurant. He had staff, he had a good name, and he took pride in his work as much as his family. It was just that sometimes, she felt he was more married to the restaurant than her. But, they had bills to pay and he already sacrificed one day of potential business to make her happy. How could she possibly put the pressure on him of choosing between his passion and his dream and his family when his business was supporting a comfortable life even with three children, one of which was a bottomless pit and could out eat both of them combined? No, she was a good wife and a fair partner so she would shoulder the downsides with the upsides. Afterall, the vow was for better or worse and she loved him deeply. "At least I have a puddle of half digested chicken nuggets, apple slices, and... when the hell did he get a hold of grapes?? The school doesn't serve them and we haven't bought any in weeks. Ugh! At least this and my minion will distract me for the day..." she thought aloud to herself grabbing the scrub brush and soap after checking on her sick boy laying in the bathroom floor.

"Momma..." Kabel groaned.

"Yes, love? Roll onto your side if you're going to steal the bathroom. I don't want you choking if you can't sit up in time. You'll suffocate. Here, try to sip on some ginger-ale and put some crackers on your stomach so you're not just hurling stomach acid," she told him setting a cold cup of soda and a sleeve of saltines in the floor.

"I'm not hungry..." he started tearing up. "I don't wanna be sick anymore."

"I know, baby boy, but you have to eat at least one cracker and sip this for me. The acid will hurt your throat if you don't." She sat on the side of the tub and petted his sweaty, rust colored hair. Yes, life for her was more good than bad and the bad wasn't even that bad considering what all she had been through, some her fault and some not. However, she wouldn't trade a second of it for anything else.

@papara-week

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

Alone, Secret, and Betrayal for the ask meme >:3 (dramatic eyebrows on the emoticon for Zell)

For the OC Asks - Not-So-Nice Edition

Darling you spoil me as much as I must spoiler tag these answers! You know I’m feral and this is all gonna be about the ship; surely this was unplanned on your part. But here's a fucking NOVEL I guess you DEVIL(love you)

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Zell is practiced at being alone if not completely isolated, but that doesn't mean he enjoys it. If he's forced to be alone and can find something to keep his hands occupied, he's generally okay, but without something to do he can get into pacing/stress workout mode pretty quickly. Gotta do push-ups to keep evil (self-destructive) boredom at bay or else he starts trying to chew his own limbs off. He's not necessarily claustrophobic, but he doesn't like being caged.

If he's alone on his own terms and relaxing, IE winding down in his room or somesuch, that's generally when he'll be playing a little music or spinning up yarn with a drop spindle; usually muttering to himself about whatever crosses his mind. If it's a high pain day (and he has the luxury), he'll be isolated because it makes him real twitchy and reactive. The last thing he wants to do is bite someone because of a migraine.

Loneliness is another beast, however. He can handle Being Alone, to an extent, but he isn't great at it. In being lonely he is an *expert.* He's used to being isolated while surrounded by people; his youth in Ustalav was being one of a small handful of teenagers among hundreds of severe adults with no patience for his whimsy. Meanwhile the ones his age were distant and wary of their Dhampir cohort, as all Ustlavians rightly are. The overall vibe of Mendev’s military is quite similar, which is something that truly bothers him about being Commander, and the mythical status he’s gained. The charisma he cultivated to bright people closer as a regular person has become far too isolating for someone at his… level.

During the first few days in Kenabras, before the attack on Gray Garrison, he really enjoyed the bizarre camaraderie that had begun to form among what would become his, well, followers. Or his *subordinate* for fuck's sake, for a job he never wanted and didn't ask for! However, as soon as he realized there was no escaping the job, the necessity of formality started to slip into everything, depressing the hell out of him. He tries not to be too dismissive of what his rank means to people, but it really is god-damned lonely at the top. Being unwanted but kept anyway isn't the act of love some people think it is.*

It's hard to make friends when every interaction has the background radiation of being the last hope of mortalkind as well as a terrifying and alluring monster. Rare are those who don't elevate or mythologize his existence; in fact he can count those people on one hand.

When no one's around the mask finally slips away and the worry shows through. He drops the cool half-smile and all the stress lines start showing; he talks himself through his own stress and tries to strategize around the insanity of his life, to the point where it can be something of a one-man show. His monologues would be excellent theater if he was of a mind to put that much raw emotion on a page, but that's never really been his thing. This is when he engages with his most difficult and secret of tasks: Research.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Zell is something of a collector of secrets, so exploring what he keeps close to the vest is fun.

It seems so minor in the grand scheme of things, but hiding the fact that he's dyslexic and has a migraine disorder has been one of his Major Efforts since being conscripted. He plays it off by saying he refuses to read or learn anything that is uninteresting to him; in reality it's just hard for him to read at all. It makes him feel deeply self conscious and fuels a lot of the imposter syndrome. Unfortunately he just can't do it without giving himself a terrible migraine. He gets around this by encouraging other people to read aloud; or when handed an important document that's for his eyes only, he gives it a brief context scan, says 'everything is clear to me,' then takes the doc to read it later very slowly with a cutout bookmark and frequent breaks. Later, Aivu reads for him.

It does make certain things especially difficult, such as the aforementioned private research he does while alone in the dead of night. The war is a big distraction to be sure, but this man operates on a level of ADHD unfathomable to most mortals and he is also a NOSY bitch.

For example, the secrets surrounding the Arendae family and Mendev's noble legacy are far too enticing for him to ignore, so he opts to pull a few strings of his own and see if he can spot anything that escaped Liotr's notice. Eventually, Zell's secret folio becomes less about his own curiosity and more about securing The Hawkblade's attention somewhere other than assuring Galfrey's heir is conveniently put away and insensate. It's no longer just about helping Liotr destroy The Other - it's about making sure Daeran is safe after.

Of course, he keeps The Other's existence a secret. Of course it terrifies him that anyone else would discover and reveal it. But none of these are his secret.

Zell asks, after their first night together, if Daeran wants to keep what happens between them just between them. Not that he's ashamed, or worried about either of their reputations, but because it can be theirs. They're both public figures, both beholden to sharing if not a genuine facet of themselves at least a carefully curated face to the public at all times. Daeran's willingness to be vulnerable with him in those private moments feels precious; he doesn't want to turn that into being some kind of... propagandistic power couple for Crusaders and Socialites to speculate.

Certainly there will be rumors; they have a habit of outrageous flirting when they aren't throwing barbs at each other.

But the true secret isn't the relationship. It’s that he realizes he’s rapidly falling for Daeran. Completely unspoken but secretly shared in a dozen small, silent ways, in a coded language of glances; hidden under layers of quips and gab.

Zell wants to keep their relationship a secret, so they can both pretend it’s just a casual tryst, because he fears no one – even Daeran, at first - would understand where the love comes from, if it were ever to be known. He's an outsider, a usurper, a monster. He betrayed Daeran’s trust by leveraging their friendship to access his secrets; he has to make up for the fact that it's him.

-

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

In the abstract, he can certainly remember the sensation of being betrayed, but cannot remember the details clearly. He knows that he's had vulnerabilities exploited; knows it Feels Bad in such a way that thinking about deliberately making someone trust him for the explicit purpose of betraying them makes him feel ill. He also knows how easy it would be to do, for him especially. With that being said...

Zell is, at heart, a man of the theater. A man of comedy. He is primed to always Commit To The Bit. He is extraordinarily good at not breaking character. However. Something about casually asking Daeran if he could tour Heaven’s Edge felt… wrong. He already liked Daeran. They were already rather friendly with each other, in their own way. Therefore the invite was surprisingly easy to win, which made him feel even more guilty.

He had been teasing at the party, when he'd said it was destiny that brought them together. He wasn't expecting Daeran to bring it up later, with the unspoken assurance that he hadn't really dismissed the thought before. Or for Daeran to agree to that it should remain just their secret - for now. The trust and friendship between them would always be marred by that first lie by omission.

(To say he did not secretly hope that Daeran would pick up on the meaning of him always wearing the key would also be a lie.)

When Daeran reveals his fears during their time in the abyss, Zell’s love turns to absolute devotion. Even so, he knows that as soon as they escape; Liotr will be waiting, and his very first task will be to betray Daeran’s trust again to save his life.

What’s worse is the method of that betrayal. Yes he’s doing it to help and of course he doesn’t mean a single cruel word. But succeeding, admitting he’s known the whole time, that he leveraged their friendship to gain access to something so volatile… even the best outcome seems to reinforce the idea that his nature is to hurt the ones he loves, even if he’s trying to be kind.****

*The first few months as Commander were really hard, and put a big strain on those blossoming friendships. He really gets in his own head about this shit, but he does eventually figure it out.

**Previous incarnations he's been a bard when he wasn't a druid; but I just wasn't thrilled by the available builds so I went bloodrager. Imagine my delight when the Azata allows him to have a little bit of both anyway!

***funny story, the head generation mechanic for the severed heads showing up during rests is broken for me, so the heads only show up from Kenabras to Leper's Smile and then don't show up again until act 4. Zell wakes up after the first sleep in the abyss to find a severed demon head The Other left like some sort of horrible cat leaving him food in the night. He thought the first heads back at camp were someone hazing him for being a Dhampir and straight up did not put two and two together until Daeran's birthday, but at that point they'd stopped showing up so he didn't snitch about it to Liotr. When they started showing up in the Abyss it was like 'is... is it trying to feed me? Are these gifts? A warning? b...both????' This game is so much funnier when you're half vampire I am just saying.

****Daeran: ‘“I’m soooo sorry I stumbled upon your deepest secret because your Cousin had the Inquisition on your ass and I wanted to help. PLEASE forgive me for saving your life and having the sheer charisma to convince them not to throw you away forever.” That’s you. That’s what you sound like. IDIOT.’

Folks, they love each other.

[1d1195]

its totallyyyyyyy valid to be feeling that way because truth be told, all those things are super expensive. and when they’re just sucker punching you from all sides, one after the other ?? nuh uh😮‍💨 like how much can one person truly afford yk ?? especially when one of thems a little further away like you mentioned, because you’ve just got so much more to worry about than a local wedding (hotels, gas, food, etc.) so i think it’s good you’re not taking on that extra stress. there will always be more weddings and the ‘no’ option is there for a reason🫶

ahhhhhh let me just start off and say thank you so much for your kind words, they truly mean more than you know💖💖 (especially the math thing bc i am not a math girly so i may just take you up on that😭) i don’t think anyone’s really rooting for me on my end (family, friends, & whatnot) so reading your message was just the kindest thing in the world really💘

i always think the exact same thing with the ‘well someone has to do that’ when someone makes fun of certain classes or careers and i rlly hate that people say that to you ! no one needs me to remind them of this but teachers are literally so important and i 100% would want to be one i just have no patience and im actually terrible at explaining things🤣 but i cannot tell you how much teachers can actually change someone’s life, i still remember very specific moments of how kind some of my teachers were back in school and things like that really stick with you, you’re job is so important, arguably the most important, so if someone ever tries to say something like that again i will personally take them on in a fist fight (now, i might not win but ima get the message across dw💘☺️)

thursday was soooooooo good omg i felt soooo bad for our girl when she was just sitting there like …..👀 while harry was getting talked down to by hailey AND WHEN SHE WAS THINKING ABT ASKING HIM IF HE KNEW WHAT SHAMPOO SHE USED HAHAHHA SHES SO REAL FOR THAT. idea for a future blurb: they go out somewhere on a saturday (his favorite day mhmm…) and run into her ex ;) srry but im alwayyssss going to be a sucker for jealousrry 

YAY LOVE A NEW SONG ! no because i completely understand what you mean about the romantic/whimsy part of it because something abt the violins and the guitar together is just soooo 🌅🌻🍃🌊✨ idek if that make sense but ya😭 i love love love the melody

HAVE THE GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFEEEEE <33333 sending the warmest virtual hugs🫂🫂🫂

~🎶

Not that it's like a competition or anything, but the wedding I'm not attending, the couple did not attend my sister's wedding so I feel less bad about not going 🤷‍♀️ however, I think my mom wants me to go because more than likely she needs someone with eyesight to go 🙃 so I bet I'll get roped into going even though I don't want to.

I'm so proud of you for doing what you want despite not having support! You always have my support and I'm happy to give you pep talks whenever needed!

I'm glad you liked Thursday, I feel so bad I really wasn't into it. I feel like it was super lackluster. I was going to put her ex in as well (because Jealousrry is a fan fave for sure) but I couldn't imagine writing another sentence for it 😭 I didn't want to force anything longer than I did! But i think her ex will make an appearance next time!

NO it makes so much sense! I just fell in love with it so quick! I thought it was so fun and it has really brightened up my commute over the last week of school!

I can't remember when you sent me your message regarding the wedding. You said it was a little over a week but idk if I answered the ask later than you sent it so I feel like it might be this weekend!? I hope you have fun if it is!

xoxo

[bluehhj]

listen to me — chapter 40

LISTEN TO ME — 0040

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 1.4K

a/n: hey guys, I would like to ask you to pay close attention to the details of this chapter, it's important and nothing will be by chance. and I also want to apologize for the next one, really. I hope you guys don't give up on the AU or me. knowing the end, I wouldn't give up, just a tip

finally, good read <3

Changbin took a deep breath for what must be the twentieth time that night. Blessed be his patience, otherwise, he would have slapped his friends already.

─ "Think with me, all of this is a huge injustice," ─ Woojin began, shoving another jujube into his mouth. After Chan, Felix and Hyunjin took Jade to the movies ─ to get her distracted a little ─ and Hwang swore he would call ahead when they were leaving, Changbin, as long as he didn't bump into his ex-girlfriend in no point, agreed to spend a few hours in the apartment he used to live before the avalanche in his life, to be distracted as well; however, all he could feel being close to Woojin and Yoorim was the urge to jump in front of a truck. ─ "Why do people always make fun of the person who was cheated on if he slash she was the loyal one in the relationship?"

─ "I know right?" ─ Heo agreed. ─ "Isn't the weight of the horns enough?"

─ "Exactly!"

Changbin looked at Jinah as if asking for help. Choi laughed and continued moisturizing her lips in front of the small mirror in the living room. Today was the day she would have the opportunity to talk to her mother-in-law, and she hoped, with all her heart, that she would not have an attack until she reached Jisung's aunt's house. Maybe she didn't even need to be that apprehensive, but since she was warned about it, Jinah felt strangely nervous.

─ "I thought your intention was to cheer him up."

─ "But the only way to cheer up a person who was cheated on is to show him slash her that they're not alone, because everyone has ever been cheated on," ─ said Woojin, looking at Yoorim next. ─ "Right?"

─ "I don't know, oppa..." ─ the youngest of the four scratched her head. ─ "Hyunjin was my first boyfriend and I never suspected anything."

─ "Okay, so let's think about more experienced people. Jisung."

─ "Woah" ─ scolded Jinah. ─ "Don't talk about my man when he's not here."

─ "He was getting married, almost everything was ready" ─ Woojin ignored the warning as if it had not even been uttered. ─ "Want worse thing than spending money and being cheated on later? At least you didn't go through this, Binnie."

─ "Technically, it wasn't quite a cheating because Jade was fooled," ─ added Yoorim.

─ "Still, she kissed him, loyal she wasn't."

─ "Shut up, for God's sake." ─ Changbin ran his hands over his face, evidently frustrated. A loud thunder sounded in the sky, and, desperate to engage anything other than his relationship fiasco, he tried: ─ "It's gonna rain, look."

─ "Damn," ─ muttered Yoorim, turning to peer at the heavy clouds through the open window. ─ "Leaving home when it is raining is bad luck."

─ "Bad luck is seeing black cat, breaking mirror, late clock," ─ said Woojin. ─ "Rain is therapy."

─ "Black cats don't give bad luck" ─ Jinah scowled. She loved kittens in general and couldn't believe that such cute little animals could bring bad vibes to anyone. ─ "If a person's life sucks and it doesn't hit anything, how can the blame be on the kitten, who is just passing by?"

─ "I also think cats have nothing to do with it," ─ Changbin agreed. ─ "I just don't like going under the stairs."

─ "I always avoid, but today I was forced to do that" ─ Yoorim shuddered slightly. ─ "My dad's shop is undergoing renovation in some parts and there was a guy buying a bunch of weird pliers and cables, he must have been mechanical or whatever. His arms were so full that I had to dodge it so as not to knock him down something, and the only way was by going under the stairs."

─ "So you can go get ready for bad luck," ─ said Woojin.

─ "Stop, oppa! I didn't mean to."

─ "I don't believe any of this bullshit," ─ Jinah claimed after replying to Jisung's message, saying that he was already waiting for her. If before she still had some opportunity to run and hide, now she could only muster the courage she could find nowhere and face the challenge. An invisible force seemed to pull her body away from the door, it was weird. ─ "Changbin, leave the key in our hiding place — aka the mailbox — when you get out of here. I'm leaving."

─ "Okay. Don't forget your seat belt, you always do that."

Jinah nodded and said goodbye quickly, then left the apartment and entered the elevator. She watched her reflection on the mirrored surface as she didn't reach the ground floor and took a deep breath. She was wearing light-washed jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, the kind of clothing she often wore on occasions that didn't imply such whimsy, but Jinah wasn't tired of wondering if she was okay or should have opted for any other thing. What if Hyoyeon found her too simple and thought she hadn't even made a point of getting ready? However, if she was too tidy, Choi would surely think something like 'She'll think I'm like this just to show up, now what?'. It was an indecision that was no longer over.

The elevator doors opened and ended up scaring Jinah, who, so distracted she was, barely noticed the time pass. She stepped out of the mechanical cubicle and walked out the hall, then spotted Jisung's car as she set foot on the sidewalk. It was so flashing that the quick beams of light could be reflected perfectly on the hood of the dark pickup truck that was parked in front of the building where she lived. The storm would be violent.

Jisung was on a seemingly serious call when Jinah got in the car, but it wasn't more than thirty seconds before he turned off his phone and leaned down to steal a peck from his girlfriend's lips.

─ "Wow" ─ another peck. ─ "That way I'll fall in love with you even more."

Jinah flashed a shy and equally cheerful smile. Receiving compliments from Jisung always caused her the same butterflies in her stomach.

─ "I know I'm irresistible, thanks."

─ "Way too confident, too."

─ "Maybe," ─ the girl shrugged and listened to the music playing on the radio as Han turned on the ignition. ─ "70's?" ─ she frowned. ─ "You weren't even born, I didn't know you liked that."

─ "I swore it was playing 'Infinite' right now" ─ Jisung also raised his eyebrows, only then noticing the symphonic melody that abandoned the speakers at low volume. His fingers automatically went to the player to look for something more pleasing to his ears and Jinah's. ─ "Good thing my mom didn't come with us, otherwise we would have to hear it all the way."

─ "Speaking of which, why didn't she come?"

─ "She wanted to go early to help my aunt with dinner" ─ Jisung paused for a moment. ─ "She's kind of paranoid today."

─ "What do you mean?"

─ "I don't know... Mother's thing."

─ "I see," ─ Jinah smiled weakly, her mother was also full of these 'things'. ─ "Was her who you were talking to just now?"

─ "Uh huh. It's the third time she calls me just to ask if we'll be there before it starts raining."

─ "Oh, how cute" ─ Choi's smile widened. ─ "Although she's right, it's not very good to drive on a wet road."

─ "I don't like it either" ─ Jisung closed his eyes for a moment when he had to turn and the unnecessarily strong headlight of another car that was coming right behind them hit his face. ─ "But my mom is inclined to the drama and too exaggerated."

─ "Do you know I'm finally starting to think we'll get along?"

─ "I told you so" ─ Jisung laughed quietly, but was a little worried. Putting Jinah and Hyoyeon together might not be a very wise idea, it was too much sweetness for a single pair. ─ "Pity me, my God..." ─ he murmured inaudibly.

─ "What?"

─ "Nothing, I just thought out loud."

Something told Jisung that he would need the strength to endure that night. And how he would need it.

[marius--lestrange]

Marius + Aloma [Affirmators! Tarot]

Left: MARIUS – Seven of Wands

From the Affirmators! Tarot: Uh-oh. Something (or someone) is thwarting your progress. Don’t let it get to you—you’re in the right palace and you don’t need to yield your personal power to anyone (or anything). Stand your ground, prove your worth, and swat away any temptations to back down or compromise. No one can ever take away the things that make me and my life brilliant… and if they try, I may cut them.

Key words: defense, standing up for yourself, the upper hand, challenges, perseverance

Pat’s Summary: Marius has been through a lot since having lost Beatrice. He’s built himself back up enough that he could manage to check his emotions every so often. He may be in a defensive position, but he’s not the person to run and hide; he just doesn’t want to sacrifice the progress he’s made. He’s in a position to defy the odds—not necessarily in figuring out who killed Beatrice, but in the sense that he could put his energies into something new without having to give up what he’s got now.

Right: ALOMA – Seven of Pentacles

From the Affirmators! Tarot: Consider this a reminder that that in order to glean big harvests, you need to do a lot of planting. And once you’ve done that planting, those plants need a lot of care. If that’s too much metaphor for you, how about this: work hard, stick with it, and good things will come. I make sacrifices now, knowing that I’ll thank myself later.

Key words: hard work, perseverance, diligence, patience, evaluation, assessment

Pat’s Summary: This is probably like… the most Hufflepuff card I’ve come across so far. While Marius is willing to fight, Aloma is willing to give—certainly a little at a time! For her, patience and hard work comes naturally, if she’s willing to move forward. Both Marius and Aloma are Sevens in different suits—Sevens most have to do with choices and discovery. I think the both of them don’t need to do too much working on themselves as this might suggest so much as both of them could explore what this could become.

Top: PAST – Knight of Cups

From the Affirmators! Tarot: This gentle, imaginative knight is romance personified. He could pertain to your love life but relationships aren’t his only forte. Au contraire! The romance he exudes  is an attitude of being in love with life itself. He reminds you that it’s fine to be sensitive, fun to be generous, and easy to be poetic. To accept his invitation is to embark on a quest of utmost importance: the search for your personal holy grail. That grail—your most priceless treasure—is a radically, shamelessly, open heart. I fall in love with falling in love, and love falling into it with every tiny miracle I stumble upon.

Key words: messenger, romance, adventure, love, emotional investment

Pat’s summary: They don’t really have much of a past—they’ve only really met once and that was because Marius had to kiss her on a dare. Or was it the other way around? This card suggests that they really hit it off—it invokes the idea of a knight in shining armor. That being said, knights tend to be characterized as a bit rash—clearly a first kiss by dare wasn’t the best way to really meet—but knights are also associated with intuition. They may not know each other well, but there’s a good feeling between them to start.

Center: PRESENT + DYNAMIC – Knight of Pentacles

From the Affirmators! Tarot: This guy is all about work, and boy is he good at it. He takes his job seriously, and you can rely on him to accomplish pretty much anything (except sleeping in). His appareance might be telling you to focus hard on yoru responsibilities, and handle whatever you need to handle on your own personal chore wheel. As with all court cards, he might also be representing an actual person in your life; know that this is a trustworthy, dependable soul. I recognize the importance of a mature work ethic, and I maturely accept all of my duties.

Key words: efficiency, hard work, routine, trustworthy, dependable

Pat’s Summary: Their relationship offers them some security in this trying time. Not to say that the two of them are currently at the point where they can depend on the other person, but they themselves know that they would be there for the other, should they need them. To reflect back on the two Sevens from earlier, the suits they have really speak to their personalities: Aloma has Pentacles, which is associated with earth and cultivation; Marius has Wands, which is associated with fire and willpower. If they do meet again, I think their personalities will really shine through—and this is the core of the trust they have to build upon.

Bottom: FUTURE – Page of Pentacles

From the Affirmators! Tarot: The Page of Pentacles is excited about a new venture that could lead to great success and lots of money. He’s a dreamer, yes, but this isn’t just tipsy boasting at the local dive bar. He’s also a planner and a doer. Follow his lead, and turn your spark of inspiration into actual, achievable steps towards your goal. It could be that this Page is beginning a great new chapter. I magically turn my dreams into reality with the magical magic of… to-do lists.

Key words: practical, studious, scholarly, dreams, desire, new opportunity

Pat’s summary: Pages are students, focused on learning and discovery (clearly a central theme in their relationship because of the sevens and the knights) but also the bearer of good news—clearly a reflection of their dependability from before. This card evokes whimsy—pages tend to have childlike personalities—meaning that the work to do together will not be for naught. Their path may not be smooth, but at the core of it they’re willing to make things work.

Pat has more stuff to say because this spread has probably been the most interesting so far

So the Past/Present/Future column has a lot of court cards, which typically represent people or personalities. I can see the two of them being more involved in each others’ lives. The Knights signify that there’s a lot of energy from the both of them and that there’s a quest or a journey they’re embarking on. The Page of Pentacles in their future shows them putting that energy into something fruitful.

Similar to the Julian/Aloma reading, there are a lot of Pentacles in play. (It’s the Hufflepuff suit.) For the Julian/Aloma reading, I said that their relationship is grounded since their Julian/Dynamic/Aloma row had all Pentacles. I think the difference between her relationship with Julian and Marius is this: with Julian, they’ve always cared about each other—but with Marius, with his card being from the suit of Wands, is bringing something new to the table.

Finally, this reading doesn’t have any reversed cards either; typically there’s nothing hidden or confusing involved in the relationship. Not to say that all of this is clear to them nor will it be free of conflict, but I just see readings like these to be ones with the least amount of bullshit involved.

@goldentaube​

[mastrrt]

The Tigress Dilemma *fanfiction*

Usually, fanfic writers (such as I) have a hard time depicting complex characters such as Tigress, ergo this lack of this understanding about our characters can lead us to defile their original personalities and characteristics. I'm pretty sure most, if not, all of us are victims to the Tigress Dilemma, and this problem can only be resolved once Dreamworks has finished Tigress's arc. The Tigress Dilemma is basically what I mentioned above. We misinterpret Tigress and that could lead us to writing imposters instead. Now I have seen many fanfics, and all of them vary in the extent of how terrible their Tigress imposter is. I would say that for my fanfics, my Tigress imposter is pretty far off from the original character, but I feel I am getting there... it's a very slow progress, but every increment of time is making me better as a writer. Anywho, I'll be addressing some Tigress Imposter stereotypes. These stereotypes are the ones we want to avoid as much as possible. And if we do so, we can get closer to the original Tigress. Now, disclaimer, I am not here to tarnish the pride of any of you fanfic writers. I'm just here to point out my opinions and hopefully my opinions can do more good than harm. Also, to bring this blog a more positive vibe, I will be writing some Tigress stereotypes that we should all follow. But that'll be on the next post. 1. The 'Punk Girl School Bully' Type of Tigress. (LoA Tigress) Sleeves are for wimps... fat muscles... I got huge front teeth... i'll put your head on the toilet... pig anatomy on the facial region... you punk!... ILLL BEAT YOUUU UP!... girl that looks like a man... Those lines are all inside the ambit of any typical Buff School Girl Bully. And yeah, these types of people aren't the most likeable. Mainly because of their terrible ego and pride, their unmanaged temper, their constant screaming, and the fact that they bully. And these types of characters usually act upon their anger, and these types of characters are usually defeated by their own caprices. Now a lot of times, people usually confuse 'Punk Girl School Bully' as Tigress's characteristics.

For example, a lot of fanfictions tend to write this: Tigress was clouded with anger. How dare this cocky prick make fun of her name like that? She charged at him, trying to land a double fist strike on her belly, but it has seemed that her muscles were so angry that she suddenly turned into an amateur fighter and totally missed the cocky mite's stomache. Now she was even angrier. She gave a frustrated yell and pounced at the prick, driving her feet into a powerful tornado kick, but the man has sidestepped and she was too angry to use that momentum to execute another kick upon landing. Oh she was so so SO angry that everything turned red. Even though the man was merely a stranger, his smart remarks was enough to somehow make Tigress want to tamper him, as if her anger was derived from personal matter. Oh yes, Tigress was so weak that her peace has succumbed so easily to something as superficial as an empty insult. It isn't like she's a warrior who learned integrity, who lived by virtues and proverbs, and learned to swallow her pride the hard way. Nope. She was just the average hot head. "You! You idiot!" She yelled, driving her fist into arbitrary turns and twist with the speed of a toddler's fist in a fit of frenzy. And yet, after delivering such 'efficient' attacks, the man had avoided her punches the Muhammad Ali way. What's next? The rope-a-dope? Is that how weak Tigress became because of her anger? Oh, and since she's sooo angry, she also became majorly stupid! Since she's losing, she might as well become more desperate to win and because of this, she kinda lost 9/10 of her damn brain. It isn't like she had experienced worst before. It isn't like she's been in a tower surrounded by hundreds of adversaries, outmatched, outgunned, out everything, and still managed to escape through a genius idea to catapult her and her Enterprise out the flaming tower THROUGH the toppling flaming tower.

Look, Tigress can be hot head, but she doesn't allow it to manifest in a way that hampers her during battle. She's a warrior who for sure learned patience. Yes, she might have let herself succumb to her anger during the first movie (by trying to fight Tai Lung despite her master's efforts to stop her) but do understand that it was because of that cursed snow leopard that her father was just outright terrible to her, and 20 years of desperation and overwhelming commitment to kung fu led her to think that defeating Tai Lung is the key to Shifu's heart. Watch the Second movie through and through, with the eyes of a scrutenizing critic. If she is angry, it is usually to appear intimidating or lethal. It's a great strategy, escpecially now that her opponents would surely hold back once they hear the low baritone of her growl. But never, never, never, never, I assure you, did she appear angry and let that rage make her a haphazard, stupid, mess.

Also, fanfic writers tend to also write this: Tigress crossed her arms and growled. Po was so annoying! He wouldn't stop babbling about his new dumpling recipe. If he says 'broccoli broth' one more time, she is sure her dormant side would burst. "SHUT UP PO! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE SO CHILDISH! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR!" And then, Po cried and ran away from the kitchen. The rest of the five gave her a look that could compare to the menacing glare of a thousand men, and they all left her to find the weeping Po. She sneered, she didn't need them anyways. She didn't have a family. And they were no friends of hers.

Tigress is not like this! She values her friends, and she talks to them like friends. Do no potray her the LoA way, because she's not always grumpy... and she is, by chance, grumpy, it's mostly for a reason. When the other five are irritated or even disgusted of Po, you can see that only Tigress smiles. And when she is in an argument, she usually deliver herself in a calm and threatening. Yeah, calm and threatening can be together. Tigress works as a paradox. I think the problem here is that people mistake seriousness and grumpiness as neigh synonyms. DON'T mistake those two different words with the same definition. Tigress is serious, but rarely grumpy in the way LoA/ fancfictions potrays her (just compare KFP 2 Tigress to LoA Tigress (there's a big difference I tell you that (mostly because she doesn't haphazardly turn into a big bish (is this even grammatically correct?))))

2. The Morally Deficient Tigress. I hate you!... you've always been terrible to me Shifu. So I hate you too!... you guys are not my family!... i have no family!... brat times twenty... your spoon is stupid... everyone is stupid... I don't wanna do this anymore... i'll turn evil in six seconds if you don't assuage my ego... cold hearted... insults everywhere... long sullen silences followed by mean comments followed by even more long sullen silences... angst angst angst for no reason... teenage i-have-20-pounds-of-eyeliner-under-my-eyes prototype. this type of imposter Tigress is probably one of the worst forms of Tigress out there. You cannot just ignore that she has been raised by two kung fu masters, one has morals that are so polished and perfect, and the other one with flaws but regardless still wiser than most. She's also follows a regimented schedule of supreme discipline throughout the course of her twenty-eight years, so surely she has been taught hardwork, patience, determination and other virtues that any average olympian athletes would typically have. Despite being called cold-hearted, stoic, perhaps even mean, do remember that she is also a HERO. With a hero's heart and the strength of a hero's mind. You can not simply ignore that she's a good person who had saved, quite possibly, thousands of lives, expecting nothing in return except the heart of her father and a place to reside. Do not mistake badassery with idiocy. Do not make her morally deficient like she's a little child with the mindset of a brat on a bad day.

Here's some examples of this nightmare: "Why do you keep these stuff? You're so childish, you don't deserve to be the Dragon Warrior!" Tigress looked around his loft, threatened by the action figures and the posters of the masters that adorned it.

Po frowned, "But... but... items like these have very big value to me Tigress. Especially my action figures, I cherish them because it's a large fragment of my childhood memories!"

Tigress did not understand. Of course she did not, not only is she whimsy, grumpy, angry and stupid, she also lacks understanding and lessons that can usually be self-taught at the age of twenty. She acts like a little child and that's all her morality is limited to. "No! They're wooden things with no value whatsoever. Stop being a fanboy. Stop being yourself! I can't support you! You idiot."

And she left the room with grandeur ---Sharpei Style with the hint of swagger. Five days later... "It's all your fault why we're here Po! All your fault. It isn't like you made a wonderful plan and I kinda destroyed it after this cocky douche made me angry and I decided to fight him and ditch your plan. And since my dignity got the best of me, it isn't like I'm blaming you 100% on our unfortunate demise when I know 200% that i'm to blame." Po tried to speak, but Tigress continued, "Ya'll should have listened to me! Me me me me! Me me me me!" The end!

Okay okay, it's a little too exaggerated, but you get the point right? Tigress doesn't act like this. She is kind and nice, she's truly supportive even with her doubts, and she loves and values her friends, albeit these traits are not exposed because it's overshadowed by her stoic demeanor. Whatever... sometimes light filters through her facade and you can see her vulnerabilities.

3. The Profesional Becomes the Biggest Amateur. Gets defeated by a few alligators who could barely fight... can't get unstuck from a rope THAT ISNT EVEN KNOTTED NOR THICK ENOUGH TO CARRY TWO POUNDS... can't get out a sticky situation even though she has been through worse... pathetic tiger... no longer has super strength that she has been gifted with. Now I'm just a thread's breadth away before typing a full fledge rant. Yes! I get it. She has been defeated by people who Po can defeat. She has been defeated by Tai lung and Po was able to defeat Tai Lung. But that was because Po was in a special situation, and it was truly only Po who could defeat Tai Lung (I'll adress this in a new post.) Have ya'll ever of this rule, in both film making and book writing, that authors must refrain from degrading everyone's intelligence so that a single character can appear in the caliber of a genius? Basically, what I'm saying is that you cannot make the five (escape Tigress) leagues weaker than their original selves just for the sake of making Po or your main OCs appear stronger. One, that's a terrible illusion that even a blind man can see through. And two, that's just disrespectful for a The Five. Not only are the five overshadowed, but ya'll also heavily disregarded the fact that they are warriors that did a lot. You're forgetting that Tigress can do this

Do not forget that she is the person who can do so much more. If you want a story where Tigress becomes a damsel in distress, and Po is the one to save her, DO NOT get her kidnapped by five wolves. Or ten. Or even twenty. Because this tiger can handle of them easy. Make sure she is defeated by a whole fudging army, or a bunch of hooded warriors who are thousands of years old and are as good as Shifu in kung fu. Make sure her defeat is reasonable and respects what she can do. KNOW what she can do, so that you learn her limits. Give her a challenge, give her a run for her money. Don't make her pathetic just because you want someone else to seem not pathetic. Us fan fic writers say that Tigress is hardcore. Awesome. Badarse. So maybe we should write her that way. Some fan fics I read write that Tigress got defeated because she was hungry or tired and couldn't fight against a few adversaries. I roll me eyes. Bro! You cannot make hunger the reason why she's defeated😂 have you seen what she ate during the first KFP movie? Her meals consists of tea and a small, chewy block of tofu. Please. She had trained her body and mind to resist pain in a way that wouldn't affect her during battle. And don't go destroying her stamina either. If she can go the whole night just battling a bunch of wolves, without even so much as passing out then pulease, don't make tiredness as an excuse. But there are some exceptions though. Like maybe she got tired because she drained her chi. Then that's understandable. So much work.

[frankincenseisnotamonster]

The Villain

Deets:

Today is the day we get revenge. 

I wish I could say I was completely and without question the hero of my story. Perhaps I can be in some ways, BUT I wouldn’t be telling the full truth if I said I was the good guy in this story.

I have been thinking a lot lately about evil. With all of the actions taken by the  US government recently to vehemently and ruthlessly vie for profits over treating people humanely (i.e ICE tracking and ensnaring people, stealing children and throwing immigrants in detention centers, allowing a racist travel ban, and sabotaging workers unions)  I really felt in addition to taking action I had to turn inward as well and really contemplate how is that depth of evil able to manifest.

Now I would not say my level of evil is comparable to the level of administrative and generational trauma inducing evil the US government is able to commit, however I do have, yes some evil in my heart, yeah I do.

This evil for me is about venge. I am naming all my guitar battles. The one coming up in a few months I have been recently referring to as my “Summer of Green Fire”. Why green fire? Because green fire is of course the most vengeful fire their is! I look to stories like Sleeping Beauty and Game of Thrones to find some examples of this fire, this vengefulness. Maleficent makes a great statement in Sleeping beauty when all that green fires sweeps around the castle. I have always found the image so mesmerizing, its this real sense that this villain means business so you better not mess around ! Then my favorite, which I just never saw coming, Cersei Lannister at such an ideal moment gets revenge on her enemies with a gigantic surprise explosion of wildfire. Okay so now to be fair I am not aiming to set fire to my enemies. I did however want to hit them where it hurts (hence the guitar). I want them to know I’m not the type of girl to take things easily, and I want myself to know that too. So in some sense I can be construed as villain in my own story, I am seeking out these innocent guys and I don’t want to burn them, but I wouldn’t mind roasting their egos a bit :). And in the case of Cersei, there is some merit in having such a sly and insidious plan. I have to say I kind of idolize that slow and steady revenge that doesn’t seem like much at first and really packs a punch; kind of like lava slow, but essentially unstoppable. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What I find difficult about revenge is that it takes a certain amount of self-righteousness. When achieving revenge you are willingly and consciously taking actions into your own hands and imposing your own sense of justice and karma upon someone else you feel has wronged you. I know people say when you seek revenge you dig two graves or whatever and on some moral level I don’t really approve of revenge. Yet there is something I am hoping to try in this. I do want to get even, but revenge I think doesn’t always have to be all bloody and painful. I am following this sense of revenge not because I want to make someone else feel bad or see them suffer. My summer of green fire in a literal sense is about confronting someone, but more than that its about confronting myself and making peace with my own evil or “walking with my hyena”.

I use this term walking with my hyena because I heard it once in a great one woman show, Hyena by Romana Soutus put on by La MaMa experimental theatre club.  The hyena refers to our animal side, the baser instincts we always keep caged up to protect other people, our irrationality, our hatred, jealously, obsessions. In the end of the play the woman insinuates maybe suppressing those instincts isn’t so good for you, in fact it might make them worst, that might it be better to try to “walk with the hyena”. This is how I interpreted it. It meant a lot to me because before I saw that I tried, most of the time successfully and sometimes unsuccessfully to suppress thoughts and emotions I thought others wouldn’t like or that would drive them away. But theres a balance to strike  here. You have to speak your truth, and maybe there is a way to do that kindly, and with whimsy, and even a little mischief mixed in.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The guitar battles are about me learning guitar, stepping into something new for sure. Definitely learning a lot of patience. In a figurative sense its about that confrontation. Its confronting myself, my fear, my insecurities, and a system of oppression that has manifested in my habits in the past which confined me. It is not the man I seek to burn, but emotional and mental chains. I wanted to do this SO much I’ve created a whole ritual of guitar battles around it, so in a sense my rivals are more so there to witness and semi-take part in this battle, this battle in pursuit of freedom for myself.

As humans we are fallible and not always privy to the results of our actions, the fruits of our labor. I don’t know in the end if these guitar battles will be the rituals I intend them to be but  with intention I’ll move forward because its an experiment and frankly I haven’t found any other remedy to reconcile the unrest in my heart. In a way I really am like a villain because I am so stuck in the past, so unable to let go, ever fixated it’s like Amir Safi says in his spoken word poem “Brown Boy. White House”, “I still have callouses on hands I still have trouble letting things go”. I hope these guitar battles can be a ritual for healing and for practicing freedom even if theres some spite in it. In society and in the media I haven’t seen many fun ways people confront others about misunderstandings or pain so I wanted to make something for that, a vehicle that felt right to me that involved art, so now here I am.

So this is me free or flexing my muscles sort of. I feel like if I practice guitar intentionally or I practice expressing myself intentionally I hope that spills outward into other areas where actions and voices are needed concerning societal injustice. Sometimes that action can even be as simple as listening and making sure the center focus are on the people truly effected by evil in our society. This is me practicing then, and getting even and getting revenge, walking beside my demon (or hyena). I want to walk through the fire this time and not get burned. I am not so much interested in besting a guitar playing dude (although it is fun!), I’m interested in creating meaning, and a ritual to fully heal wounds from a patriarchal society.

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Fun fact about guitar practice:

I haven’t been practicing as much. I have doubts and am worried about my progress, but I’m still impossibly hopeful regardless! In true story fashion I am hoping to improve at fantastic rate in August, so we’ll see how likely that is.  And to be fair winning is not always about winning and losses don’t always have to be a loss right?!?! So for now I’ll just say I am frustrated and trying to love the practice and love the process.

Catch you on the flip side amigos! In the goddesses we trust.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

References

Hyena by Romana Soutus : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhGBp50wnk

La MaMa : http://lamama.org/

Amir Safi. “Brown Boy White House”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr0IVQ4b9TE

[rate-out-of-10]

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING REVIEW

Since 2002 we’ve seen two actors take up the mantle that is Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield. Now, with the MCU’s continuously expanding universe and a partnership with Sony, a third joins the fray, Tom Holland. Spider-Man is one of the most recognizable icons in all of pop-culture, so when Spider-Man: Homecoming was announced and that Marvel Studios and Sony came to an agreement to allow Spider-Man to join the MCU, there was a lot of excitement. In addition, we got a wonderful taste of the new take on the web-slinger in Captain America: Civil War (2016), so a solo movie showcasing what this iteration was all about, naturally the hype was extremely high. And it really pays off in the end.

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD

CHARACTERS/PERFORMANCES

It should be made known that this interpretation of Peter Parker is a younger kid than the past two live-action ones, specifically a 15 year old high school sophomore. Tom Holland is the youngest to play the role to date, and he fits it like a glove. Not only does he look the part being so young, but his whole demeanor and personality is immature, but in the best of ways. He’s quick-witted, and about as blown away as audiences are while he’s pulling off his super stunts. Tom Holland is a refreshing take on a character we all know, and have seen on the live-action screen twice before, and that’s great. He owns everything about Peter, the awkwardness, the genius, and the whimsy and outgoingness of Spider-Man. He’s perfect for the role. Alongside Tom Holland, he has his best friend character, Ned played by Jacob Batalon. Batalon plays the comedic role well enough, however I personally feel that there were too many bits of him just derailing scenes. He was funny, don’t get me wrong, however the film is filled with humor so to have a character that was there almost devoted as the comedic relief seemed a bit tried. His relationship to Peter, however, felt very genuine, so the constant gags he plays always feel in character. From a villain perspective, Michael Keaton’s Adrian Toomes (The Vulture) isn’t anything groundbreaking, but here he works very well with what the film is going for. He is realistic and felt mostly justified with what he was doing, however some jumps in motivation were a bit stark, which made Toomes feel a tad bit under developed. Nonetheless, Keaton plays him very well, with confidence and with just the right amount of broodiness that he didn’t feel at all like another cheesy, weak Marvel villain. On top of Adrian Toomes’ evil doing, I appreciated the humanistic approach to him and his team. When the world is now wracked with aliens and monsters, people of course will start to try and get ahead just to survive, but then to profit. It was a nice commentary on how humans react when they feel outgunned or up against a wall. A “force hand” to The Vulture’s character was very apparent.

Among the top stars in Homecoming, Robert Downey Jr., and Jon Favreau reprise their roles as Tony Stark and Happy Hogan respectively. I’m glad that this film didn’t try too hard to bank on Iron Man, he was a very welcome supporting character, an awkward mentor and a person that Peter thinks very highly of. I’ve missed Happy, not seeing him since Iron Man 3 (2013), and the same goes for Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts. These characters were all very welcome on screen. The other cast of characters including the rest of Peter’s classmates like Laura Harrier as Liz, Tony Revolori as Flash, and Zendaya as Michelle were all great to see. The diversity in the casting of the film is very commendable as well. It felt like a real diverse high school in a real city. It’s often seen as a little thing, but roles like these do carry a lot of weight and it’s very refreshing to see. On another beat, the younger take on Aunt May (played by Melissa Tomei) worked well with the younger take on Peter as well. She didn’t feel out of place, and honestly, I kind of preferred it. I did want to chime in on the MJ talks too. Zendaya plays a role named Michelle Jones, and at the end of the film she says “my friends call me MJ”, a clear emulation of the known character Mary-Jane, “MJ”, and Peter’s wife in the comics. There’s no real content in the film to say that she is the “new MJ” but regardless, she’s a different character entirely, as seen by how she carries herself here. The nickname is really the only place where the two characters cross. Regardless of future intent for the character, like her potentially becoming Peter’s love interest, she’s not Mary Jane. Her nickname of course pays homage to the “original MJ”, but that’s it. This is Marvel taking artistic liberties, with both diversifying its casting, as well as creating a unique, but still recognizable, universe for Spider-Man.

DIRECTION/WRITING

Director Jon Watts and his writing team had their work cut out for them, crafting a fresh take on the character of Spider-Man as well as blend him in with the established MCU. Skipping the original story completely was the absolute best decision for the film. Instead focusing on Peter’s dealings as Spider-Man, his desire of becoming an Avenger, and his really being a young, naïve kid. This is a grounded, small-scale approach to Spidey. He’s never in downtown Manhattan for example, he’s swinging from smaller building, and using what’s around him to get around. There’s even a bit of him swinging into a gold course where there nowhere to swing so he ends up just sprinting across the screen muttering, “This sucks”. The plotline as well is very small compared to the “world ending” stories that we’ve gotten used to seeing from Marvel at this point. It was refreshing to take a step back and focus on building Peter and Spider-Man, and establishing him, before anything else. The writing is very strong with Peter’s character. I will say though, that there were several bits throughout the film that had great dramatic potential, but were undercut by daft attempts at comedy. Spidey is always going to quipping, that’s a given, but here I felt like the writing was trying way too hard to add humor in not-needed places. I wanted to take things a tad bit more seriously, but I feel like I wasn’t allowed to.

As a storyline goes, it hits all the generic notes, but it relies a lot on Tom Holland’s character to do the heavily lifting. His character is meant to draw in viewers, and if done right, whatever Peter is doing, people should be invested in it. Like I said, it’s a small scale film, and it definitely plays on a lot of cheesy elements (typical high school, typical romance, the same Peter Parker troubles we’ve all seen before), however the film generally does a great job with allowing those things to work with the script and have it still feel exciting, rather than tried. Homecoming paced itself generally well, too. There were some parts that felt a little rushed, some of the high school sequences felt a bit lackluster as well. Almost like they were in there because they had to be, but they didn’t carry too much weight. What really moved the film along was Peter himself and whenever Spidey was on screen. There were some great fight sequences, the ferry scene being the most notable. Spidey was quick, quipping the whole time, and showcased some amazing talents. I very much enjoyed “Karen”, Spider-Man’s computer that Stark put in his suit. I loved seeing the high-tech suit, something we hadn’t seen before. There were some great action scenes throughout, the ferry scene being the most notable. It being the clear height of the film, where we get a real showdown between Spider-Man and Vulture, a great scene with Peter trying to keep the ship from breaking off, as well as Tony confiscating the Spider suit. The movie was in full swing by this time, and Peter’s transition back into his make-shift suit through the end of the film didn’t feel spoiled at all. Heading back to the roots was a nice direction to go in, especially to give a glimpse to what Spidey was before Tony’s suit.

I think Homecoming started in the best of ways. After being introduced to Adrian Toomes during the clean up after the “Battle of New York”, we get a first person, video footage perspective of Peter when he is first picked up by Tony in Civil War, to when he gets his new suit, as well as him filming while he’s waiting for his queue to swing in and take Cap’s shield. I thought that whole bit was extraordinarily clever and the best way to introduce Holland’s Peter into this movie. Separately, it isn’t abundantly clear when this film takes place. We do get an ”8 Years Later” stamps after we see Toomes cleaning up New York; we’re obviously somewhere in between Civil War, as Cap is cited as a war criminal now, and the events of Doctor Strange and the Earth bit of Guardians 2 isn’t mentioned at all. I also have to give a great commendation for Cap’s troll of a post-credits scene. After Gunn’s clever post-credits bombardment in Guardian’s 2, we get Cap doing a PSA announcement on “patience” and how it’s so important, even when faced with something so disappointing when you waited a long time to get to it. I see you, Marvel.

Final Rating: 8.5/10

I think Spider-Man: Homecoming is exactly where the MCU needed to go with Spider-Man. It didn’t waste too much time getting to him, it gives Tony and Happy, new Spider-Man gadgets and things, and it was an all-around good time. There may have been some issues with the comedy undercutting some important, potentially dramatic scenes, and the plotline being a generic one, but the film is a lot of fun regardless because Tom Holland alone reels you in and keeps you smiling. It’s small scale, and to some it may feel a tad bit underwhelming, but for the character of Spider-Man, this is where we needed to see him. In a “friendly, neighborhood” setting. It worked really well, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Spider-Man in the future. I really hope he’s here to stay because: objectively, this is a great movie and Tom Holland is wonderful, but subjectively, Spidey is my favorite in all of Marvel comics, so I really want him to stick around in the MCU.