#it hurts hurts hurts in this stupid fucking brain

[foresthyena]

Everyone chose dom!Sevika so that's what you'll get: NSFW

Mean dommy Sevi who doesn't tolerate brats?

Warning: just filthy, degrading,fingering,straps,pussy slapping,spanking,spitting, orgasm control, overstimulation, mommy kink, maybe more? Idk

"You think you can just fucking bad mouth me all you want bitch?, who do you think you are huh?" She simply spat at you while holding your cheeks together in such a painful matter. Your lips all swollen and red, puckered out as she scolds you. You've been mouthing her off all morning and she couldn't take it anymore. She hates little brats who think they're to good for simple rules for their stupid brains.

You let out a small whimper which only earns you a rough slap to your pulsing clit. You jerk up and squirm around trying to get the painful but wonderful burn to go away. Sevika uses her mechanical hand to hold you down. "Stay fucking still and take your damn punishment. Or are you that much of a brainless whore you don't know what that means either?" She scuffed before letting your face go, she sat up. Her abs glistened with sweat, her sports bra covering those amazing tits of hers you just wanna suck on. Her happy trail that just leads you to a pair of boxers. You'd kill to be buried between those fat muscular huge thighs of her and suck on her huge clit.

Your thoughts get cut off by a firm slap to your clit once again. "Eyes up bitch. Now count, mess up and I start again." Sevika grabbed both your legs and put them next to your legs. Giving you an even more vulnerable look, your cunt completely on display and you can't even more. Sevika uses her fleshed hand to run two long thick fingers across your slit. Her warm spit hitting your bare cunt all of a sudden that causes a gasp and your hips to buck up. She gives a small chuckle before slapping your wet cunt.

"one!" You let out a airy breath taken back by the sudden roughness.

She slaps once more, a bit more pressure to it.

"t-two!.." you whine out and grip onto the old white sheets under you.

Suddenly a harder slap lands directly on your exposed clit.

"oh fuck!...u-uhm..three.." you barley manage out, tears forming in your eyes. You can practically sense her smirking at you without even looking. Sevika lands another harsher smack on your poor abused cunt once more. Causing your mouth to go into an 'o' shape as your body trembles and a new squirt of liquid seeps it's way out of you.

"Did, did you just cum? From having me spank this stupid pussy?" She laughed, genuinely laughed. "I didn't know you were so much of a pain whore love" you whimper and shaked while trying to rub your thighs together. "Please.." Sevika throws down your legs and climbs on top of you. Her thick thighs either side of your torso. "Please what? What do you want." "Please...please fuck me mommy.." you pleaded out with teary eyes, Sevika glared down at you before roughly choking you. Not hard enough to hurt you, but where you could feel the pressure. "Say that again."

"f-fuck me mommy.." Sevika practically growled as she tore off the rest of her clothing. Her erect nipples and tits all on display for you. Her boxers completely out of the picture, her bush now in full view. "Oh I'm going to ruin you bunny.." you shivered as she leaned in by your ear. "Be a good whore and open those legs for me.." she breathes out, her voice deep and husky. You spread your legs slowly until she leans back a bit and grabs your thighs, forcing them wide open. She gets off of your body and leans down to your pussy. Sevika blows warm air onto your cunt watching as your breathing became unsteady. Slowly both hands came up and spread your slick folds apart. She watched your hole clinch around nothing and smirked. Then proceeds to take a long lick from your hole to your hypersensitive clit. "Fuck honey you taste so good" she moans out against your pussy.

Sevika places her cold mechanical hand onto your thighs making sure it stays open. Her warm fleshed hand took two thick fingers before roughly fucking it into you. Starting a brutal hard fast pace. Not even giving you a chance to breath. The pain and pleasure forming into one. "Yeah that's right, take my fingers. Gotta have you ready for my cock"

She growled out, watching your greedy cunt suck in her fingers. A white ring already forming around her fingers. She smirked and looked at you, her gapped teeth showing itself making you clench around her fingers harder. "I'm gonna need my fingers y'know, greedy pussy, shit baby" your moans getting impossibly louder and body shaking. She quickly withdrew her fingers and gave another firm slap to your cunt. You whimpered and mewled into the sudden emptyness and slap. Sevika quickly got off the bed and grabbed her shimmerstrap. She purple glowing 7 inch dildo on full view. You watched as she put it on and grabbed some lube. You watched as she poured lube over the thick head of the dildo. Her hands coming down to spread it all over in a jerking kind of way. Whatever it was, you didn't care. She looked fucking sexy as hell, you gave out a small moan watching the obscene scene Infront of you.

"god baby, you make me so wet, I bet you know that huh?" She chuckled out. "You're gonna take mommy's cock like a good bunny aren't you, hm?" You drooled at her words and the scene before spreading your legs wide open. All shame out the window, you just needed her in you.

"this is gonna be a long night..."

~shi man I barley even write fics, idk what this was

[sagesbard]

i...backing it up on Curly while the crew is having a dance party? this boomer's ass would be FLUSTERED AF

OMG YESSSS

NSFW MDNI

He's cooked 100%. The second he sees the way your hips sway while dancing, they were at a bar to celebrate coming back alive from that stupid tulpar. You were stone cold sober, you had one drink that had only one shake of bitters. So you were definitely all there. When you see him you drag him to the dance floor. You had the guide his hands to your waist, gently placing his hands there as you taught him how to dance. Once he got into it his chest was pressed against your back. You were so into the music, you didn't notice the fact that you were practically grinding against him. He didn't know how to react. He automatically bit his lip trying not to make any noises. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable. But of course the stain in his pants poked against your ass sooner rather than later, the second you felt it, it clicked in your brain what you were doing. You decided to have some fun with it, you kept going but this time grinding back on him slightly harder. His hands tightened their grip on your waist. His breathing got heavier the more you did so. It was all fun and games until he pressed back into you, catching you off guard. Your ass grinding against him, the fabric of his jeans catching your underwear due to the dress you decided to wear. Your body jolted at the feeling of him. That's when he snapped and dragged you outside. "I'm giving you two fucking choices (name). You either come home with me or I go home with you and I give you payback for all the fucking teasing you've been doing or we go back inside like this never happened." Your head was spinning at this point. "Take me home" you muttered against his lips. Kissing him as your lipstick smeared across his lips. "God dammit" he groaned. "Get in the fucking car. Now." He said against your lips.

The second you get through the door his hands are on you. Grabbing your hips, grinding against you, your lips locked with his. You moan against his lips as your hands tangle in his hair, pulling gently at the feeling of him pinning you against the couch. He moaned at the feeling. "Turn the fuck over." He huffed, you obliged, turning over so that your ass was against him once more. Your face pressed against the cushions. He couldn't wait any longer, he forgot about his strength and ripped off your panties. The sound of tearing fabric made you jump. "Curly! That was my favorite pair!" You whined. "No" he cut you off. "You have not earned calling me Curly. It's either Captain or Sir. Got it?" He huffed, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing it in slow tight circles. Making you jumps slightly, you were fucking soaked at this point. Huffing and whining against the couch. He hand came cracking down on your ass. Making you tighten around nothing. "I need an answer baby." He said, rubbing the place he smacked. "Yes Captain." You said. The second you finished your sentence he shoved two fingers into you. You tightened around them automatically. Moaning as he moved them up and down. Right before you came he pulled them out, whining as he did so. "Oh stop that" he said, unbuckling his belt and taking out his hard cock, the tip leaking with pre cum. He slowly eased in not to hurt you. But once you gave him the go ahead he started a brutal pace. His hips smacking against your ass. You moaned with every thrust, arching your back as you went stupid from all the pleasure. Curly was so focused on you, the way you felt the way you squeezed him. He imagined this moment so much when he'd jack off he felt like he was dreaming. One of his hands slid down your body and started rubbing your sensitive clit. You jumped against him. "Fuck are you close baby? I can feel your pussy squeezing me like a fuckin' vice." He huffed. You came with a loud moan as Curly kept going. Chasing his own orgasm. "T-too much, fuck it feels too good Captain" you whined. Curly was caught off guard by your words as his hips stuttered and he came inside of you, hard. You felt like your brain was melted. When he pulled out cum dripped out of you. "Damm. You okay doll?" He asked. Kissing your shoulder gently. "Mhm" you hummed. "Never better."

A/N: I may have gotten carried away chat :3 anyways happy holidays I'm making something for the holidays so don't y'all worry. 💗💗

[loverafey]

you only feel it when it's lost  !   ex!rafe x reader.

          ⤿ synopsis : another year, another christmas, another fight. escaping your family, you decide to spend the christmas at your ex's house who's just as lonely as you.

          ꕀ warnings - angst, bittersweet, reader has a dysfunctional family, suggestive content in like one paragraph, they both are idiots. (if you get the reference of the title i'll kiss you) wc - 2k.

these days were supposed to be joyous, full of family reunions and shared laughs. that’s what people would normally assume to be the ideal day of christmas eve followed by the last days of the year, and you had assumed too.

it was easy for fights to break out in your household, one disagreement leading to another. whether it be between your parents or between you and your parents, it was as if they never took you seriously enough. a disappointment laying right in front of them, a mistake they mourned. the dinner table didn’t consist of your parents laughing happily while you’d decorate the christmas tree, talking about your friends, helping your siblings.

you couldn’t even remember how long it had been since you actually celebrated something with your family. or how long it had been since your mother woke you up with a kiss on your forehead and your father with a hug.

today was like any other, shouts and heavy silences lingering in the house altogether. you felt suffocated, too tired. your phone had been blank today, each of your friends busy celebrating with their own, resulting in no notifications. not that you wanted any, you’d rather be left alone. but why was being alone felt so ironically lonely?

perhaps, deep within you, you too wanted someone to hold you on this day. to soothe the ache in your heart that's been there for far too long.

there was only one person you could think of that would somehow be at home on this day. maybe not, but it didn’t hurt to try, even if it was a horribly stupid decision.

you had dated rafe for over four months, a rather impulsive relationship that had not only destroyed you but also the friendship that had been between you both way before the relationship. no wonder they said not to date your damn best friend. you wondered if it had destroyed him too. you couldn’t really blame him, not when you had a part to play in the relationship’s downfall too. neither of you both were saints, just too lonesome souls trying to find warmth within each other. which is precisely why your visits had never ceased after the break up, even if your friendship was long a pile of rubble. he was an angry person, so were you, in your own way. the very root cause of the pointless arguments that would rise every day.

sometimes he’d come over at your place, pissed off about work, wanting some relief, ending with you pressed against the mattress. sometimes you’d go over to him to feel something, anything, ending with his face always buried in between your legs, coaxing out cries you were desperate to let out. just like right now, your feet leading you to your car, the route to tannyhill ingrained into your brain.

it wasn’t long until you arrived at the mansion that was now owned by rafe, a shaky sigh leaving your lips as you clutched the sweater around you tight, the night air as chill as ever. ringing the door bell, you could hear the muffled sounds of footsteps inside nearing closer until the door opened, revealing him — and fuck. he looked so cozy in that dark knitted sweater of his, clearly having just cut his hair recently since the last time you remembered, his buzz had grown a bit. you didn’t mind it though, nearly everything suited him annoyingly enough.

“hey, you okay…?” he breathed out, leaning against the door, brows knitting together as he took in the sight of your exhausted face and the very subtle sight of your fingers trembling, hidden by the way you were clutching your own sweater so tight.

“hi, yes…” you lied through your teeth, reaching within your purse to take out a small box that you’d made a few days ago, having spent the whole day contemplating whether to give it to him or not. “merry christmas.”

his eyes softened as he took the gift from your hand, untying the lace and opening it up, a bracelet made from strings resting inside, the blue matching the colour of his eyes. “is this some sort of appeasement?” he couldn’t help but grin, satisfied at the way you scoffed yet were unable to suppress a smile. shit, that smile — he’d do anything to make you smile even a little. just like the old days.

“nope.” you mumbled quietly, chewing on your bottom lip in a rather nervous manner as he stepped inside to let you in, the warmth of his house comforting. “i didn’t want to spend these days at home. can i stay here, at least for the night?”

bad idea, but who was rafe to refuse? he had no one to spend these days with anyways. sarah was with the pogues. wheezie was gone for the week with their grandparents while rafe had refused the offer with an excuse to finish all his work. the truth was, he didn’t have the energy within him to pretend that everything was jolly.

“of course, baby.” it was so easy for that nickname to slip every now and then, as if his tongue was made just to speak that.

he led you into his living room, no decorations in sight, just the same old. it was almost comforting. you sat down on the couch, rafe a bit far from you, the silence heavy. it wasn’t the usual comforting silence you’d sought out with him, no. right now, it felt as if you both wanted to speak of something, but couldn’t. your fingers were curled up into wrists, resting on your knees as you stared down at the floor, mindlessly analysing the texture. your eyes slowly drifted over to his shoes, and sneakily upwards to his hands, and then face, eyes thankfully not on you.

he’d been sitting this far from you on the night of your break up too. on this very couch.

the thought made you want to laugh bitterly, but all you could feel was the heavy lump forming in your throat like hands choking you. it hurt.

“any plans for the new year…?” rafe cleared his throat, hesitantly looking over you, only to find you looking back at him. his jaw clenched, hating feeling so vulnerable, so weak in front of your eyes. the same eyes that’d glimmer at the sight of him. he could have sworn they still glimmered. his angel, coming to his house every now and then with a scythe to reap his soul, which he’d offer so gratefully. his soul and heart had been yours from the start anyways, it didn’t matter, did it?

“no…” you swallowed, shaking your head. you?”

“nah.”

“wheezie’s away?”

“yeah, with grandparents.”

“what about topper?”

“just texted him, and kelce. didn’t wanna meet any of them.”

“oh…”

it was awkward, again, though you could hear the slight shuffle ringing in the air as he scooted near you, hands awkwardly tapping at his knees, as if restless. he couldn’t help but look down at the bracelet you’d made him, still in the box. his fingers reached out, unsure, grabbing the strings and wearing them around his wrist.

“it’s nice.” he said, earning a hum from you.

“we could watch a movie, y’know. a christmas movie.” his tone held some amusement, already grabbing the remote to turn the television on to scroll through all the influx of sappy christmas movies, most of them similar to one another.

“didn’t know you enjoyed those movies, rafe.” you feigned ignorance. both of you would spend the nights watching cheesy stuff together after all, it wasn’t easy to forget about that. you don’t think you ever will.

clicking onto some random movie, rafe tossed the remote aside and leaned back into the couch, watching from the corner of his eye at you doing the same. a soft melody played in the movie as the opening credits were displayed on the screen, though he couldn’t bring himself to watch the movie. he’d noticed how sad you looked today, hair messier than usual, lips chapped. he didn’t even need to ask what happened, he was well aware of how your family could be like.

rafe had tried to hold himself ever since you stepped in here tonight, but he couldn’t anymore. you needed this, didn’t you? the same warmth you’d always craved. one arm slowly wrapped around your back, pulling you closer. when he felt your body relaxing and leaning into his, he took this as a cue to wrap his other arm around your front, letting you fully curl up into him, knees pulling up to hug against your chest.

“what’s goin' on in that pretty head, baby?” he whispered, voice hoarser than before as the hand resting on your back reached up to gently caress the back of your head tenderly, with the same love he always held for you. shaking your head, not wanting to talk, you simply leaned over to rest your head against his shoulder, trying to hide the way your breathing got heavier with emotion, as if you’d break down any second.

“shut up…” you weakly spoke, closing your eyes and simply letting yourself feel the way his fingers raked through your way. you always liked the way he touched you, it made you feel so alive, real. “just hold me, rafey…” you, too, hated being vulnerable in front of him. though the world was against you both at the moment.

“do you miss me…?” you asked on impulse, peeking up from his head to look at him, eyes filled with unshed tears. his heart clenched at the sight of you, and he knew that he should deny so you both could move on and just forget.

“yes, i do. every day.” he sighed, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

“me too.”

he sighed tiredly in acknowledgement, his heart feeling so empty yet so full, void yet on the verge of bursting at the same time. “i know, baby. i know.” he smiled softly, holding you tighter. you weren’t watching the movie anymore, content on nuzzling your head against his neck so you could feel his pulse, inhaling his familiar scent.

“want me to go over and make some coffee for us?”

“not yet.” you grumbled, not wanting to let him go so soon. what if he were to never come back and this all was nothing but some sick dream?

“fine.” he chuckled softly, shifting on the couch so now you were fully resting against him, legs hooked around his waist, clung onto him. he rested his chin on top of your head, gently rocking you back and forth, soothing you. “would you like to spend the new year’s eve here too?” he asked after a while, softer. he’d usually rent a yacht and host a raging party with all the kooks, but he didn’t feel like doing that this year. “i don’t wanna stay here… wanna go away, for like a week or two.”

“yes, alright…” you had already known the answer before you’d even spoken it, hands bunching up into his sweater tightly. there was no guaranteeing how long it’ll be after that until you both would see each other again, if ever, depending on what will happen until the new years eve.

you pulled your head back, eyes clearly puffy and a bit red as she sniffled, pressing a soft kiss right on the tip of his nose, causing him to huff as he tilted his head to capture your lips with his — a short lasting yet comforting kiss. exactly what you needed.

“merry christmas.” his hold tightened around your waist.

“merry christmas, rafe.” your hands loosened on his sweater, just a bit.

[housewarningparty]

🖤 / Fuffy / Glass

em, you're diabolical

cw: cancer

-

“Buffy?” Faith’s voice is tentative, soft.

“I’m okay,” Buffy says, perfectly calm. There’s no reason to freak Faith out. She needs to hold it together, needs to stay— 

The glass shatters before Buffy even realizes she’d picked it up, a spray of shards erupting from her fist like sharp, dangerous confetti. Her palm is sliced to shreds and there’s blood, suddenly, and no, god, no it’s all going wrong. 

She lets go of the shards and suddenly Faith is there, a hand on her wrist, whispering in her ear, soothing nonsense — it’s okay, we’re alright, it’s okay— as she guides Buffy’s hand to the sink, under the faucet. Buffy barely feels the cold water, barely feels the pain from the wound, just stares at Faith’s hands guiding hers, so carefully, spreading Buffy’s palms flat, rinsing the wound, gently brushing away stray pieces of glass.

In a daze, she lets Faith settle her at the kitchen island in one of those stupid, too-high bar stools Faith thought were so badass looking (“They remind me of this dive I used to go to.”). Faith wraps her hand in a towel, holding it tight against her until the bleeding starts to slow.

“Do you wanna go to the hospital?” Faith asks.

Buffy wants to scream.

Surprisingly, she laughs at the irony. Giddy, hard laughter that, judging by the way Faith flinches, is probably kind of manic and scary. Buffy’s not sure at what point the laughter turns to something else, but suddenly she can’t breathe through the snot in her nose, cant’ see through the tears blurring her vision.

Faith is right there with her, the hand not staunching Buffy’s bleeding is cupping Buffy’s jaw, dragging her forward. Buffy doesn’t expect the kiss, not when she’s gross like this, ugly-crying and falling apart, but she can’t bring herself to pull away. She leans in, struggles to catch her breath and kisses Faith desperately, like she might not get another chance to do it.

“It’s okay,” Faith whispers, shushing Buffy gently, kissing her again and again, soft, soft, soft. “We’ll figure it out, B.”

“You can’t figure out cancer,” Buffy bites out, hating herself for how harsh she sounds, but hating Faith a little too for having the gall to say that to her of all people. Not when Buffy knows better.

“Doc says it’s treatable,” Faith protests. “Chemo and maybe a surgery. Other stuff too, maybe, I don’t know. They’re doing some more tests. Plus, y’know, with the slayer stuff — I might have a real shot.”

Might.

Buffy wants to crumple to the floor. She wants to wail and scream. Make a pact with a demon. Fix this. Undo this.

She wants to wake up.

“I don’t wanna tell a bunch of people yet,” Faith says. “I wanna know more. But I couldn’t keep it from you. I just… Fuck, I wish I wasn’t doing this to you. I’m sorry.”

“But you quit,” Buffy protests, as if she can reason their way out of this. Faith hadn’t smoked a pack of cigarettes in at least three years. “You don’t even…”

Faith shrugs, offers a helpless, little wobbly smile that doesn’t meet her eyes.”Day late, dollar short.”

“Will you take this seriously?” Buffy snaps.

“I think you’re taking it serious enough for both of us,” Faith says, smiling infuriatingly when Buffy scowls at her.

“Faith, please…”

“I know,” Faith says. She reaches across the counter to yank a paper towel off the dispenser and offers it to Buffy, waits patiently for her to blow her nose before continuing. “I know what this is to you. I wish it was something else. I wish…”

“I don’t know if I could take losing you,” Buffy says. It hurts to even say it out loud. She thinks of all the time they wasted — five good years together since the fall of Sunnydale, since they figured out what they could mean to each other. It’s not enough time. Buffy hasn’t been able to love her long enough.

“I’d put a bullet in my brain,” Faith says, so suddenly, so bluntly, so matter of factly that it startles a laugh out of Buffy. “I’m dead serious. But you’re not like that, Buff. You were always stronger than me. You’d make it.”

Buffy shakes her head. She hates where this is going, dreads the thought of continuing the conversation, of arguing with Faith over whether any of that is true at all. She doesn’t feel strong right now in the least.

Faith must read something of it on her face because she leans in again and kisses Buffy once more. This one is deep, lingering, sweet. When she pulls away, Faith is breathing a little shakier but smiling. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves. You’re not giving up on me this early, are you, B?”

“No,” Buffy says. She swallows hard, past all the fears crowding her chest, the ice cold terror that hasn’t let go of her heart since Faith said the words Hey, there’s something we gotta talk about. But she means it. Faith needs her to say this. Needs her to mean it. “No, I’m not giving up on you, Faith.”

[may3505w]

just read your post about domming a manly guy and I need that so badly right now omg. Would be so hot. I’m usually dominant, 6’2, a bigger guy, lift weights 4x a week, so most of my partners are subs. Would be so hot to switch the dynamic especially with such a big size difference with us. I’d be so happy giving you full control

Oh that's so hot, I'd love to control and dominate you darling. How much bigger then me you are and the fact you usually dom people makes it so much hotter, I'd love to fuck you stupid with my hand, making you lose control and give yourself to me, fucking so hard it hurts and forcing you to take it like a good slut. Tell me, how hard would you get when I'll call you my pathetic little thing? How much would your cock throb when I'll put you in your place and remind you how needy you truly are? How much would you scream and moan when I'll milk all your cum out then touch you some more? When I'll fuck all the dumb thoughts that told you you were anything but my needy boy out of your pretty little head out, making your brain leak out of your dick?

[bluehairmisfit]

fuck.

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[lovelyrotter]

can we all remember to just say 'oh no thank you, i dont like that kind of food' but apply that logic and rules to shipping and letting other people ship again

[ganondoodle]

seriously though ... how on earth do i get my motivation/focus back???????

its been so long that i have been struggeling with art and i just .... i want to stop wasting time, day after day i just sit around and mindlessly play stardew valley (wasted 800 hours into the darn game, its a good game but thats way too many hours!!!)

i was listening to the arcane songs bc some of the new ones were rly good but now after the disappointing finale i cant do that, and neither have the show in the background, the hurt is too fresh and im bitter, i cant find anything to put on for the background noise

i keep thinking about all the things i could achieve if i could just ... if i could just DO it, but no i sit around feeling like im about to cry and nothing seems appealing/fun, its not quite that strong depression ... but it feels alot like it, time moves so fast and years go by and i get nothing done

i dont know what to do .. or what to try anymore, im so tired of everything and just want to be able to do something

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[didi-on-the-side]

oh NoOoO it's bad today. bad bad.

smack it with a hammer.

🧠🔨

[blamemma]

.

[batbrainrot]

guys please tell me those batman #148 leaks of jason dying again are fake. tell me they're fake right fucking now i can't fucking do this shit right now i'm off my meds

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[starlight---starbrights]

Undertale yellow flowey embroidery

This took about 40 hours, give or take a few

[softgothbabe]

Don't get upset over something stupid DON'T get upset over something STUPID don't GET UPSET over SOMETHING STUPID DOTN T HET UPSET OIVER.S OMRTHKNG STIPOIDDDD