#it has a few violent scenes but is mostly just very tense

[silverspleen]

@your-royal-highness-of-trash

So like, I don't know if The Man is supposed to be hot but the entire plot of the film is home invasion cat-and-mouse game, so yes. He's hot. He does take off the mask, which is a point of contention amongst the fans, but I think mangy little pathetic hoodie guys are hot so like. He still works for me. I have reasons.

HUSH (2016) is a home invasion thriller about a deaf and mute author who lives alone in the woods having one very scary no good very terrible night as a serial killer with a crossbow decides that she will be The Most Fun He Has Ever Had All Day because of the aforementioned deaf+mute combo and proceeds to terrorize her in her own home.

It's directed by Mike Flanagan and stars his irl wife Kate Siegel as Maddie (the writer) and John Gallagher Jr. as "The Man."

It's the movie that made me realize I really like small cast cat-and-mouse thrillers! Especially where there's like.... Chemistry between the leads. It's also very clever, it's a lot of her trying to outsmart him.

I CAN STREAM IT IF ANYONE WANTS I have a copy and I'll be getting the Extra Fancy Shout Factory bluray sometime soon.

It isn't a perfect movie by any means (there's a lot of valid critique from the HOH community) but regardless I feel it's a very fun, engaging thriller and is one of my favorite movies. Just itches my brain in all the right ways, idk.

[eightstarr]

i know — van palmer.

summary: you can't remember a life before van, but there was one. there must've been one. it feels ridiculous to think about. you'd rather think about her, rather think about this— two moments then, and two moments now (and so, so many to come).

notes: heyyy i know i said i would post this like a month ago, i fully forgot!! if there was like one person waiting i'm sorry and i love you sm <3 also this ignores the plot entirely and i wanna make that very clear just in case!! it's like a nothing happened and we're all okay au! anyway here's to my loser girl and to whoever also finds themselves staring at the wall in silence thinking about her :)

・。.・゜✧・. ────

THEN.

"You're hogging the blanket," Jackie mutters over a mouthful of popcorn, purple polished nails tugging at the soft fabric.

She's right— you are. "I'm not," you say, and bring your legs close to your chest partly so they can offer some kind of comfort, but mostly so they're not touching the unknown dangers of the floor anymore.

The TV flashes red and Jackie's living room is bathed in it, along with all your faces.

Shauna snorts at a man getting brutally and very unrealistically decapitated on the screen and pulls her own blanket closer to her best friend before she even has to ask. They do that a lot; talk without words. Any other time you would've noticed, thought that's cute and smiled to yourself, but right now you're too terrified.

The movie is bad. Or, that's what you have to keep reminding yourself of. It's lazy in a way that's bordering on comical and needlessly violent in a way that proves that it was written by a man with interesting fantasies. You shouldn't be scared, but you are.

Another death earns you a few minutes of quiet, though you know the build up to the next one will be worse. The characters cry and fret over the dead body of their friend but the killer is nowhere to be seen, disappearing conveniently into the night. You're granted a scene of daylight but the sun comes and goes, and then the screen turns to dark violets and blues again and you're tensing up in your seat.

It's fine, at first— the pretty blonde girl is yielding a kitchen knife and walking around while her muscled boyfriend boards up the windows of the big house. Lottie shifts where she's sitting on the floor next to Laura Lee's legs and whispers about why they would lock themselves in instead of taking their chances outside, which is 'obviously the smartest thing to do'. You don't have time to process what she's saying because suddenly an ax is clawing its way through one of the windows and the characters are screaming and, well, so are you.

"Fuck!" You curse, jumping and landing yourself halfway into Van's lap, the softness of her thighs under your own, your back against her chest.

Van blinks, more startled by your reaction than the scene itself, her hands coming up to steady you and then immediately dropping back down a second after they brush over the cotton of your shirt. She lets out a shaky breath and does not think about how good your weight feels on top of her, because that would be a bad thought, a questionable thought. And it should not have been the first one to pop into her mind. Definitely not. That would be embarrassing. That would be bad.

You cover your eyes with one hand as the sounds of screaming come to a crescendo and hold one of her hands tightly with the other, mumbling sorry, sorry, sorry as if you're doing something wrong. As if you don't know that, even if you were, Van is incapable of being mad at you. Famously so. Everybody knows.

She looks around the room to the rest of the girls. No one is staring, too busy chewing popcorn and wrinkling their noses at the more gruesome special effects. Van turns her head back to you. A million thoughts rush in, overwhelming and unforgiving. Something about the soft tint of chapstick on your lips, the curve of your nose, the shape of your fingers. Things she's noticed before -Van is often greedy of all your details-, but not in this way, never from this close. She can smell your shampoo from here. Somewhere in the back of her mind, over the scent of honey and strawberries, she wonders if she's going insane.

Your body noticeably relaxes as the violence dissipates, your grasp on her hand loosening slightly. When you uncover your eyes, the final girl is clawing her way through the woods. You're unsure of how she got out of the house, but too comforted by the thought of the movie finally coming to an end to care.

Van is scared to say anything, scared to move— if she does, you might push yourself off of her, ignore her for the rest of the night because you're embarrassed. The thought is ridiculous. You'd never ignore her, you're not that kind of person, but it's what she would do. Except she'd probably never be in this position in the first place, because she'd never be brave enough to throw herself on your lap, even if she was as scared as you were. And that's just it anyway, it's not like you chose to do this. You didn't pick her. You would've found the same comfort in anyone's arms. Right? Van feels you shift closer, just slightly, like you're unaware of it. Right?

Her forehead falls on your shoulder as she thinks herself sick.

"It's scary, right?" You whisper, confusing her crisis for fear. Your fingers wrap around her bicep, soft and absentminded when they brush up and down her skin, trying to make her feel better.

Van feels her stomach flip, her hands twitch. In another world, she would wrap her arms around your waist and press her lips to your ear, mumble something stupid like if you say so, baby just to annoy you. Here, though, all she does is nod her head. She whispers back, "Yeah, it is."

She looks up at the screen, tries to be scared, to be invested. You relax further into her, personal and comfortable as if there's no one in the room but the two of you. Van blinks. She can't give you the name of the girl on the screen. A minute passes and your back straightens suddenly, but you don't rush to slide off her lap. You do it carefully, not because you want to but because you're worried about making her uncomfortable. Van wants to pull you back but she's never faced anything as daunting. She comforts herself with the thought that one day she will, a hungry attempt at manifesting or breaking a mental wishbone or something. For now, she follows you with her eyes and feels her anxiety melt away when you notice her staring and give her a smile. The movie's not yet over. She looks back. Who's the bad guy again?

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

NOW.

Van likes to pretend that she's a better cook than she is. Someone else might find it funny, annoying even, but you can't find it anything but cute. You love telling her that you've run out of food and watch her scoff and puff up her chest.

"I'll make you something out of nothing," she'll say. Then she'll open the fridge and bend at the waist, stare at said nothing for a solid two minutes before resurfacing and declaring that she's craving pizza from the place down the street, anyway, so there's no point in cooking.

At the grocery store the next day, you make sure to buy the essentials for the one pasta recipe that she does actually know how to make. Van likes to feel useful. And you like to indulge her every need, maybe a little too much.

You pick the sweetest looking tomatoes for the sauce, no real expertise behind your method— you're not exactly an amazing chef, either, but the two of you do just fine. Someone calls your name in the middle of bagging the last tomato and you turn to meet a face you had almost forgotten about.

"Katie Lopez?" Van asks again, staring at the folded piece of paper with the almost-stranger's number that you'd gotten without asking (a friendly gesture, you're pretty sure) after a slightly lengthy conversation that carried on even after your multiple anyway, I should probably get going's.

You're telling Van about the encounter while washing the tomatoes in the sink, sleeves rolled up. Your cheeks are warm with kisses like they always are when you make it back to her, as if she wants to reward you for it. You've been hers for so long, and she's still amazed at the fact that you come home to her. "Yes," you repeat. "Why is that so shocking?"

"It's not," she says, flicking the paper where it sits on the counter, kinder than her original need to ball it up or light it on fire or something even more dramatic. She moves to open the cabinet and starts putting away the canned goods you've brought. "I just didn't know you guys were close."

"We're not. She was just being polite."

Van hums. For a moment you think she'll let it go, but of course she won't. She doesn't like the thought of someone flirting with you when she's not there and she especially doesn't like the thought of that someone being Katie fucking Lopez, who's most memorable for fingering girls in the bathroom for most of your shared high school experience.

Van clears her throat and the cabinet closes with a thud louder than she intended, definitely not because she was caught up picturing you under Katie's gaze. She means to sound casual, but she's not trying very hard when she asks, "She ever try to get with you?"

You spare her a single glance, as if to check that she's serious. Of course she is. "What, in high school?" You shake your head, chuckling like the idea is funny. "No. She was more into the cheerleader type."

Van knows that you're right. Still, she squints her eyes at you, ginger hair leaning to one side when she tilts her head. "Is that a hint of resentment that I'm hearing?"

You've gotten good at knowing how to handle her jealousy. It's only fair, considering that she's gotten good at handling yours. Neither are ever that serious. "I was making a neutral observation."

You know she's creeping closer before you feel it. You know her too well. "Yeah?" She mutters, her hands on your hips as she presses herself to your back. Her nose is familiarly cold where it brushes against your neck.

You dry your hands and lean back on instinct, and she doesn't flinch at the added feeling of your weight. Van can be a lot like a brick wall, but you don't usually tell her that, unless you're feeling extra sweet and want her to grin like a cocky little shit for the rest of the day. "You were into that type, too."

Van scoffs, a soft gust of air on your neck. "I was into you," she says.

You hum, purely fucking with her. "Maybe."

"May— what the fuck are you talking about?" She pulls away just enough to prove that she's actually offended. And she is, because the idea is ludicrous and yeah, she's taking it personally. You can question Van about anything you want, except for the fact that she's been in love with you for more than half of her life. "When did you ever see me looking at cheerleaders?" She asks.

You and Van work for a lot of reasons. You work because you're different where it matters, enough to balance each other out, and you work because you're the same in everything else. You might've been just teasing her at first, but now the thought does that stupid thing where it starts to linger and -just like she had thought about you and Katie- you can almost picture it in your head, a younger Van standing on the soccer field, her eyes trailing over a girl's short uniform skirt. You roll your eyes, annoyed mostly at yourself. "Oh, don't act like you wouldn't have loved for them to shout your stupid name."

Van chuckles. She can read your train of thought like a book. She knows you too well. "Stupid name, huh? You're cute when you're jealous." And a little mean, too, but in a way that makes her weak in the knees. She won't be telling you that part. You already know, anyway.

You pull the hands that are wrapped around your waist away from you. Van lets you— she wants to see where this is going. "Not jealous," you mutter.

"No?" She teases, half-heartedly disappointed when you don't turn around to let her kiss you.

You look at her over your shoulder and then make eye contact with the piece of paper on the counter, recalling the words of your old classmate. Call me whenever. We should totally hang out. You're too old to be telling people you should 'totally hang out', but Katie Lopez hasn't changed much from the last time you saw her. You hold back the urge to wrinkle your nose at the memory of that same teenager-trying-to-be-cool smirk that she gave you throughout the whole interaction and hum thoughtfully, like you've been tempted. "Maybe I will call her—" you take one step towards the counter in a half assed attempt to reach for the paper but Van is unusually quick as she strides forward and takes it in her hands, tongue poking into the inside of her cheek as she rips it in two. "Van!" You gasp.

"What? Don't tell me you were actually gonna use it," she pouts. "You're breaking my heart, baby."

You try to take the two pieces away from her and all you earn is her breaking it in four, holding it above your head. You're laughing as you slap her shoulder. "God, you're so stupid."

Van raises her eyebrows, mismatched numbers wrinkled in her hand. She drops them on the counter in favor of cupping your face, pressing a contained short peck to your lips. Don't feel bad, she won't hold back for long. "Stupid like my name?"

"I love your name," you shake your head, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love it. Just as long as it's mine to say."

It is yours, but you know that already.

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

THEN.

Van's room smells like the incense you got her. You wonder if she used it just to appease you because she knew you were coming, but it's a silly thought. Van likes you. You know this now. She takes everything you give her (your time, your smiles, your kisses) like it's a precious gift, so you can't imagine that she would neglect an actual gift.

Your grandmother said you should light the incense before a game, to bring you good luck and calm your nerves, and you're not ashamed to admit that you bought Van her own pack the very next day. Everything makes you think about her lately, especially this kind of thing. You're not even sure that the incense works, but why wouldn't you share it with her? She deserves all of it�� good luck, a stomach free of nerves, at the very least a nice lingering scent if your grandma's beliefs turn out to be a myth. But you hope they don't.

Your girlfriend is anxious more often than you are, but never really about a game. Van knows that she's good at soccer. She's nervous about other things. Keeping her side of the house clean, being able to afford Sinéad O'Connor tickets, what her mom's mood will be like tomorrow, English assignments but only because she thinks the professor is the coolest guy alive and she wants to impress him even if she won't admit it. And lately, there's another thing. She worries about whether you'll look at her one day and realize that you're too good for her.

You know about some of her anxieties, but clearly not all of them. She can picture your reaction if she were to share the last one with you, how your face would scrunch up and you'd look at her with eyes so loving and so sad. She can almost hear you ask, soft and patient, why would you think that? And she wouldn't know what to say. There's comfort in the fact that the worry is there, but it's not constant. Van only worries about that when you're gone. When you're in front of her, or sitting next to her in class, or talking to her on the phone, it's hard to imagine that you'll ever stop liking her. She takes in your smile, your laughter, your sparkling eyes and she can't think about anything else. You make all of it go away. If you asked her, she would tell you that she thinks the incense works, but only because it came from you.

She can smell it faintly from where she is now, but there are a hundred other things overwhelming her more— the feeling of your legs on either side of her, the sound of your bracelets clinking together when you move your arms to rest them next to her head and cage her in, the sight of you leaning in to kiss her. It's easy to say, she's only been dating you for three months, but Van is sure that she will never get tired of this.

She hums against your lips, something too close to a moan. Her cheeks are red when you pull away, and you're not sure if it was the sound she made or the regretful, kind of embarrassing thing she has to tell you that gave her that reaction. "My mom will be home in, like, five minutes," she says, raspy and breathy.

Her voice distracts you. Your lips are tingling. "Okay," you say, nodding your head even though it takes you another three seconds to actually process what she said.

This is where you sit up, break apart. Neither of you move.

You smile and lean back down to kiss her again, stomach fluttering from the sound of her giggling as you tilt your head back. How are you supposed to stop when she's so fucking— so cute, so handsome, so in love with you. You've never felt so secure of another person's feelings for you before, but it's impossible to doubt Van. She makes you confident, makes sure that you know at all times. Might as well be saying I love you, I love you, I love you between each kiss that she pulls you back into.

It takes everything in you to break away from her, but you have to. "Fuck, okay. I gotta go," you mutter. You have to. You'll see her tomorrow. It should be embarrassing how greedy she makes you.

She watches as you sit up on her lap, your skirt bunched up over the crotch of her jeans. You must notice her looking, because you're laughing like you can read her mind when she huffs and covers her face with her arms, her lips pursed as she suppresses an even more embarrassing sound than the one she made before.

"I'll see you tomorrow," you insist, like saying it outloud will make leaving easier. You stand up and brush your hands over your hair, flattening the flyaways. Then you grab your backpack from the floor (don't think about the pretty pin she got you a few days ago, because it'll make you want to kiss her again) and walk over to her window.

You could take your chances with the front door, but you don't want to. Van was afraid that her neighbors would see you and innocently mention it to her mom, say something like oh, I saw that Vanessa's friend came by the other day. Van wishes it could be left at that, but her mom is rarely that simple. She looked so worried as she told you about it, so ashamed. You kissed her cheek and promised yourself you'd get good at climbing.

She comes closer as you climb to the other side, getting your footing on the familiar edge of the wall, and she hisses when you let go of the window railing to reach over and cup her face. You don't have to pull for her to bend down and let you kiss her, your thumbs brushing over her cheeks.

"Please don't fall," she's saying as you make your way down.

You look up at her and smile, and Van thinks you're so pretty that she misses the mischievousness behind it. "Have a little faith in me— oh, fuck!"

Van flinches, bumping her head on the window with how quick she moves to look down at you. The sound of your laughter makes her realize your hands never left their safe grip. Her shoulders relax. "Oh my God, fuck you," she scoffs, though she's too relieved for it to have any real bite.

"What were you even gonna do?" You ask, still giggling.

She shrugs, eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, fucking— grab you or something."

"Your arms are too short to reach me from up there."

"I take offense to that."

"Well, I'm sorry," you sigh, tilting your head. "Doesn't make it any less true."

"I better not hear you asking for my short arms to carry you after practice tomorrow," Van huffs, said arms now crossed over her chest.

You look up at her in disbelief, raising your eyebrows. "I have literally never asked you for that, you always offer."

She shifts slightly where she stands, moves her weight from one leg to the other, caught. "Because I can do it," she mutters.

"Yes, I know. You're very strong, baby."

Van rolls her eyes, choosing to believe that you're teasing her because if she believes that you're being genuine she might die.

Your feet hit the ground with a thud. You do a silly curtsy, as if to say ta-da! and Van thinks you're so cute she's certain that she'll die. You give her one last grin and blow her a kiss before sneaking away from her house into the night.

Van goes to bed with her cheeks aching from smiling, her bed smelling of your perfume, and the faint sound of her brain screaming (terrified, celebrating) you are fucked!

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

NOW.

"I wish I'd asked you to prom," your voice is muffled by her sweatshirt, lips partly pressed against her shoulder.

Van snorts, looking down at you. "What?"

"You never went," you explain, and you have that look on your face, like you've been thinking about this for weeks. Like you could cry. Van presses pause on the (admittedly) shitty action film she'd chosen and lets you try to get your thoughts out. "I really wanted you there. You would've liked it."

She lets out a sigh through her nose, a hand coming to rest against your cheek. "I really don't know if that's true, honey," she says honestly.

You straighten your back a little, a tiny frown on your face like you get when you've been challenged. "You would've liked it. You love to dance and the DJ was, like, surprisingly good. And Ms. Dawson actually said yes to a dance with Peter K., even though that was highly inappropriate now that I think about it. But it was funny at the time— and Natalie snuck in a bottle of vodka."

"Yeah?" She asks, awfully endeared even when she's heard the story a million times before. You'd told her all about it the day after prom, your voice groggy and sleepy over the phone. She had felt lame about having missed it, but a thousand times better as soon as she picked up the phone, giggling in her bed like a fool at every detail you gave her.

You wrap your fingers around the hand on your cheek, press a kiss against her palm. "You would've loved it," you say, sounding somehow more convinced than before. "I should've asked you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I was a dick," you insist. "I was a coward—"

"Hey, no. No," Van sits up from her lazy posture, two thin wrinkles between her eyebrows when she frowns. They look good on her. You remember when they weren't there, and it always makes you a little emotional. "Don't say that. You weren't."

"But I was," you try to reason, stubborn to a fault. "I'm not, like, condemning myself. I'm stating a fact."

Her frown deepens. "Well, I don't like it. And I don't think it's a fact."

You didn't mean for this to turn into an argument, but you're not exactly thinking about that at the moment. It happens— you've let the thought saturate in your brain for too long and now you're stuck thinking that you're right. "Why are you arguing with me right now?" You ask, not being petty but genuinely wanting to know.

Van huffs a frustrated breath. "Because I thought about asking you to prom for years, okay?" She says, crawling with embarrassment. "I told myself I would over and over again and then I fucking didn't. If you were a coward, what does that make me?"

You pause, guilt swirling in your stomach because you realize all at once that you've been poking on a tender bruise you didn't even know existed. "Van," you say softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She sighs, almost a chuckle. She can be so mean to herself, so condescending about her own feelings. You know she's not laughing at you, or disregarding you in any way— it's just what she does when she feels like she's humiliated herself. Especially when you're there to watch, looking at her so kindly when she's certain she deserves none of it. "Yeah, well. That was intentional," she mutters.

You let her look away from you for a moment before you push yourself onto your knees, placing one on each side of her hips. She welcomes you like she always does when you come to sit on her lap now, her hands on your waist and her face falling forward to press kisses over your collarbone. A thoughtless motion, automatic.

"Sweet girl," you hum, guiding her head up with a careful hand, smiling when you meet her eyes. "We should've gone out dancing alone. Would've been way more fun."

Van breathes out a laugh. She wonders if she'll cry, and feels like she could. "Yeah," she agrees.

"I would've said yes, you know. I'm not blaming you for not asking me, I get why you didn't. I really do. But it's important to me that you know that." You brush a strand of hair behind her ear. It's pretty, and getting long. In no time she'll be asking you to wash it over the sink and trim it with your fancy hair scissors, like you've been doing since you got back together when you were twenty five after a stupid argument that led to a two years long break. It wasn't a good time for either of you, but you don't regret it. You have the rest of your life to live with her. Still, there will always be things like this— arguments about deep buried shame, fears that might never go away, moments you missed that other high school sweethearts didn't because their worries weren't like yours. It's sad, but not inescapable all the time. You and Van don't blame each other for any of it. But sometimes you need to be reminded of that.

"I know," she nods, her voice in that soft, quiet tone that you love but rarely get with how passionate she is. It's not a hardship, you love that just as much. "I think maybe that's why— why I was so freaked out. Like, if you said yes, it would become real."

You nod and chuckle a little, sweet and airy. "And you'd have to actually start to date me? Yeah, I would be scared," you joke.

Van buries her face in your chest with a groan. "That's all I fucking wanted," she says, feeling too honest to play along like she usually would.

You let her stay there for a while, her nose brushing against the rise and fall of your chest. Wanna be here forever, she'd told you once, with cold fingers sneaking under your shirt, more than a little drunk. You have been making fun of her about it for ages, but it tugs at something different today. It makes you pull her softly with a hand on the back of her neck, just enough to press your lips against hers, not wanting to deny her any of your warmth that she might crave.

Van hums against your lips, moving where you want her when your hands guide her own from your waist down to your hips. You press your chest against hers like you know she likes and she moans into your mouth, a hand moving to press against your back and force you closer.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask you," you mumble when she lets you pull apart, speaking close to her ear as you kiss her cheek, lips soft over old acne scars and sunspots.

Van shakes her head. "I don't care," she promises, smiling like she does when she's about to say something corny. "Look at me now," she shrugs, fake humble. "I got the girl in the end."

You laugh against her smirk and kiss her until she's lifting your hips and pushing you down on the couch, your back against the worn pillows, a hand on the back of your head in case you bump it on the arm rest. You like when she moves you around just to show off, reminds you of when you were younger and she'd flex her muscles just because she knew you were looking. She might not be the same type of strong now, but she can still pull out some tricks when she wants to. And with you, Van often wants to.

She tilts her head back when you try to pull her in for another kiss, sighing as she gets comfortable on top of you. She almost gives up the act when you pout at her, blinking your pretty eyes, but instead she leans her weight on one hand next to your head and says, "That is, of course, if she doesn't leave me for Katie Lopez's magic fingers."

Van expects you to roll your eyes, slap her shoulder so she can say ouch! and dramatically rest her hand over the wounded spot. Instead, you slide your hand over hers where it's resting against your hip, intertwining your fingers together and smiling pretty, tilting your head. "Mmh, but I have the best fingers right here."

Van scoffs, playing amused rather than speechless because she's trying not to show you how much your words get to her. It's embarrassing how proud it makes her, how quickly she melts into the palm of your hand when you as much as imply that she's good at something, that you would pick her over everyone else, that you want her like she wants you. Praise from others makes her smile and say thank you, but praise from you reaches her core, makes her dizzy. Her lips feel dry and her tongue pokes out absentmindedly to lick them as you guide her hand up. Van barely registers the movement, too busy watching your face— how beautiful that she gets to see it all the time now, that she knows all the details like you know hers.

Her fingertips come to rest against your lips and her breath stutters as she tries desperately to maintain any sense of coolness or dignity or fucking something while you kiss each one, soft and attentive. She's thinking, is she insane for finding it as thrilling as she does, even after all these years? Do you know what you do to her? You can't possibly know, Van almost decides, but then you part your lips to slide two of her fingers into your mouth and she thinks that you do. You definitely know.

"F—fuck," she breathes out, and tries to remember her original plan to tease you but can't recall your old classmate's name. "You trying to butter me up?" She asks, her chuckle trembling but deep, from the back of her throat.

Her fingers slip from your mouth with a soft pop, and Van groans. You hum, "Is it working?"

You're mean, evil. You're the sweetest thing she's ever seen. Two things can be true at once. You're a dream, and you're not like this for anyone else. The thought echoes through her skull, warm and infectious. Van smirks. "Yeah."

[piggledy-higgledy]

As anyone who’s been looking at my page semi-frequently will have noticed, I am a big Richard Armitage fan. Mostly in love with his portrayal of Gisborne in BBC’s Robin Hood, but I also enjoy most of his other work and consider him a very talented actor (and a very sweet person from what we can tell.)

There has been a lot of furore lately about his latest project, “Obsession” (a series unfortunately promoted as an erotic thriller by Netflix), which is a remake of 1992 film “Damage” (with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche) and based on the book by Josephine Hart. He portrays William Farrow, a married, middle aged, successful surgeon, who has an affair with his son’s fiancé, Anna (Charlie Murphy) -an affair so obsessive that it costs him everything: his career, his family, his son’s life, even his own self (more on that later.) The series features a lot of sex scenes, very light BDSM elements, and a LOT of nudity from RA on a level most fans never thought we’d see (RA being famously private and modest.) The fandom has been divided over this, with some looking forward to it and some being sure it’s not for them at all. From what I can tell (and I might be wrong) most people were put off by either the copious amounts of sex (and the trailer leaned very heavily on that) or the unsavoury morals of the main characters. Which is fair, if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t watch it.

I *did* watch it, and because opinions have been so strong, I wanted to share my thoughts. No disrespect if you prefer to pass. I hope it might be helpful for anyone on the fence and still making up their mind whether to watch or not. Happy to chat more about it if anyone likes! There WILL be spoilers.

Before watching it

I have personally felt very intrigued about this series and I was excited about watching it. Not so much because of the nudity or explicit scenes -or, rather, because of them, but not in the way you might think. Richard Armitage has played very, very few roles where he was primarily the romantic lead, and none later in his career. He tends to be cast in active roles, a lot of dark, violent characters, tense action. When there is romance it’s not the main aspect being explored. And he has NEVER (with the notable exception of Between the Sheets, which was so early in his career I doubt he necessarily had much choice to turn down work) done anything close to this level of sexual screen time. Why now? What made this different? I really wanted to know.

There was another reason I really wanted to watch Obsession. What Richard Armitage does best, in my opinion, is give characters depth (even characters that were clearly not written that way *cough* *Guy* *cough*). He is an incredibly detailed actor and uses his face and eyes to a stunning degree to convey things that go far beyond the dialogue. He has spoken about how he creates complete backstories for all his characters. This project is literally made for his type of acting. There is hardly any action, and leagues of unspoken material. RA called it “one of the most fulfilling pieces of work he’s ever done”. I needed to see why.

After watching it

I binged all 4 episodes in one night. And then again the next morning. And again today. I finished the first episode and thought “Yes, I understand why he wanted to do this.” (He also said in an interview that there was a moment in one scene that he’d never achieved before on film. Having watched this, I believe him.) Is this the kind of series I’d normally gravitate to? No. But I’m glad I watched it. Every single actor was incredible. The filming was beautiful. I just… don’t know where to start.

The story:

In my opinion “Obsession” is not about infidelity or sexual exploration -it’s about William and Anna’s experience with obsession and addiction. Anna isn’t just having an affair. She is addicted to being in control and to using sex as a means of asserting that control. (We learn that she had a brother who sexually abused her for years and committed suicide when she finally put a stop to it. And throughout the series, she reacts to strong emotions by initiating sex. Charlie Murphy described the character as a “dominant submissive” and that’s spot on, not just in the way that she sets the rules and boundaries of their sexual relationship, but in the way that, having been abused, asserts her control on the situation she had to submit to as a young girl by controlling when and how she submitted). William is not just having an affair. He is obsessed and addicted to Anna to the point that it completely deconstructs him as a person. He is the counterpoint to Anna’s character, in that he has no control. He doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t resist, he can’t or won’t control his reactions or his impulses and he completely loses control of his life as a result of his actions. In the final episode Jay, the son, discovers the affair and in shock, falls off a railing to his death. There is a scene where William faces his wife after everything is revealed and watching Richard Armitage convey all those emotions without saying a word is some of the best acting I’ve seen in my life. I don’t know what part of himself RA drew from to act the guilt and grief and absolute devastation in that scene but it was… amazing and heartbreaking. Even then, the obsession wins. When Jay dies, we see Anna walking away while William cradles the body of his son, paying her very little attention. I completely believe that he is broken in the scenes that follow. But after a few days the addiction takes over and he still seeks out Anna, convinced they can now be together (“there’s no version of this with just you,” she’d told him earlier on, but he clearly thinks otherwise). And we get the following:

W: … I let uncertainty in. (NB: What is uncertainty but lack of control?)

A: And look what happened. I don’t think… we can ever separate who we are from what we’ve done.

W: But… we can’t let it all be for nothing either (NB: William’s voice breaks here. He’s lost everything he ever cared about, she’s the only thing left. Does this phrase mean he thinks there was depth in their affair? Or does it mean that he is looking for meaning and depth so that he can cope with the fact that he sacrificed everything for an obsession and an addiction?)

A: Jay died because of us.

W: Still I wouldn’t change it (TNB: THIS! This phrase upset so many viewers! And of course it did, it was supposed to. The acting is, again, amazing. This isn’t said to Anna, this is introspection. William is looking inside himself, realises he wouldn’t change it, realises how much of himself he’s lost.)

A: You don’t regret it?

W: How can I?

A: We caused so much pain

W: But it’s done now.

A: I am so sorry for what happened. But I wish we’d never met. (She walks away, leaving William sobbing. Because there. is. nothing. left.)

The sex:

I hate that this was marketed as a sexy series because it created all sorts of hype and expectations that were misplaced imo. The story was never about the sex. Morgan Lloyd Malcolm said a couple of days ago on Twitter that it’s about “sitting in the discomfort of human behaviours” and that is spot on. Like I said above, this is a story of addiction. Anna is not addicted to the sex -she is addicted to using sex for control. That’s why Anna and William never kiss (she is the one controlling their physical interactions. William leans in to kiss her in many scenes, she never lets him.) That’s why the music is so jarring in all the sex scenes. That’s why there’s no foreplay, that’s why William never lasts long. That’s why they only ever have sex on the floor or in public, never in a safe, comfortable place like a bed. They are not comfortable. This is not a comfortable situation. We, as viewers, are supposed to be uncomfortable. The infamous hotel pillow scene was meant to demonstrate the turning point in William’s addiction, the complete loss of control, I think. It was never supposed to be funny or sexy -it was meant to disturb us because this intelligent, cultured, previously collected man becomes completely animalistic. Which is why he sobs afterwards -I think this is the point when William realises that (as Ingrid puts it later) “he is lost to her”. William’s face after their first sexual encounter is the face of a man under the influence. When she gets up to leave he makes this movement with his fingers like he is trying to hold on to her, but only grabs air. It’s just a twitch -but it’s Richard Armitage and we know how detailed he is in his acting, and I am sure it was a gesture with meaning.

The intimate scenes in Obsession are sometimes sensual, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes genuinely hard to watch but never gratuitous.

Why a fan of Richard Armitage or anyone writing for his characters should watch it:

Again, you do you, but hear me out: This series is a veritable treasure trove of body language, voice/cadence, facial expressions that you can then apply to your favourite RA character. The longing. The conflict. The loss of control. The vulnerability. The eye contact. The fact that the lover’s name is Anna, which is also my name. Also, I’m being completely serious when I say that this is some of the best acting I’ve seen him do *ever*. If you can only bring yourself to watch parts of it, do that. There were some scenes that genuinely made me tear up. Look after yourself, respect your boundaries, but sample what you can because it’s a veritable banquet.

PS: I am focusing on Richard Armitage for this review because I came to Obsession from that fandom. But every single actor gives an amazing performance. I especially adored Charlie Murphy as Anna, Indira Varma being astounding as Ingrid and the criminally underrated Marion Bailey as Anna’s mother, Elizabeth, who packs SO MUCH into so few scenes.

[lulu2992]

Before things got better, they momentarily got worse…

(Although more violent things happen or have happened in Far Cry 5, I felt this needed a Mature Community Label, just to be safe)

Chronologically, this is the first time my Deputy Taylor’s story (you know, the one I’ll never fully write) really diverges from canon. This is also the least pleasant thing that happened between her and the Baptist.

Context and explanation under the cut:

While John is busy taking Hudson back to her “room”, Taylor manages to grab a knife in his toolbox (with her teeth) and to cut the ropes around her wrists. She considers leaving the Confession room to go look for her colleague, as we do in the game, but she quickly realizes that not only has she no idea where Hudson is, but that trying to find her way through an unknown, presumably huge bunker filled with cultists also isn’t the best idea. Instead, since the chair is still intact in this scenario, she decides to sit down, hold the ropes around her wrists to make it look like she’s still tied up, and wait for John to arrive so she can ask him where Hudson is… and maybe tie him up and steal his key, while she’s at it.

When he comes back, he seems relieved that she’s still here, and he politely (but not without a hint of irony) thanks her for her patience. She tenses when his eyes linger on the ropes for a few seconds, but he then simply smiles at her and asks if she’s ready to Confess her sins. She shrugs and replies that she doesn’t really have a choice.

“Very well,” he says. “But before we begin…”

He comes closer and leans over her, placing his hands on the ropes around her wrists.

“…did you really think that I wouldn’t notice?”

At this point, he’s not smiling anymore. Feeling suddenly cornered and in danger, Taylor pushes him over using her feet and a fight ensues, during which they mostly try to subdue (and not kill) each other. He’s a more powerful opponent than she expected him to be, partly because he’s absolutely furious that she “betrayed” him, and anger makes him stronger. At one point, he even manages to overpower her and, in pure rage, puts his hands around her neck.

A few seconds later, the Deputy’s survival instinct will cause her to deal a powerful blow to the Baptist’s left cheek, effectively knocking him out.

Taylor was wearing a t-shirt when she woke up in the bunker, but it was ripped open by John, as it is in the game, and she lost what was left of it in the fight. She even briefly used it as a “weapon” to try to make him lose his balance. That said, I want to stress that this scene isn’t supposed to look sexy, and they were too busy fighting to really pay attention to that anyway. John also lost his glasses that day, as you can see on the right of the picture.

I don’t know if you noticed the bruises on Taylor’s neck, on her knuckles, and on John’s cheek here, but if you did, that explains them.

Later in the story, when their Wrath has considerably subsided and their relationship has positively evolved, they will get to talk about this incident again so they can move forward together. Acknowledging your past helps you build a better future.

[bonkers-4-hatter]

!Yandere !Vampire Kisumi X Reader - Love Bites

♥ TW: This fanfic has mentions of kidnapping, violence, assault, biting and mentions of blood along with the biting, forced intimacies, forcing self onto the reader at certain points and yandere themes and actions. ♥ If any of the above does trigger you, please do not read. All characters are 18+ as college is mentioned in the past tense. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥                                                                                              ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥                                  You were never one to believe in such things as mythical creatures, it was just a bunch of nonsense. Of course, they’re wonderful tall tales to tell and talk about when you were younger, but you’re grown now; out of that phase you could say.

Tall tales, that’s all they were...at least you thought they were.

You could draw everything that you’ve experienced and seen as a lack of sleep, working too hard, or just needing a break to calm your mind, but with the most recent experiences you just couldn’t come up with an excuse for them and that very thought chilled you to your core. The dark figure standing in the corner of your room at night using the darkness as a veil, but the thing that stood out to you was the flickers of pink from the top of the figure's head from the small slivers of moonlight peeking through the closed curtains. 

Not only did the figure terrify you, but the touches were what set you over the edge. The soft touches that caressed your cheeks, head and the curves and contours of your body as the hands glided across your blanket covered body. You would always peek your eyes open only to see the same pink hair in your view.

The only person you knew with pink hair was Kisumi. 

He was your friend, a close friend at that. You guys did everything together, having been friends since College it just made sense for you guys to do things together. His behavior used to be carefree, fun and just free. Kisumi was a free spirit, but you noticed something change within him in the past few years; he was more possessive toward you. Always wanting to have your attention, scaring off potential significant others.

This wasn’t his usual behavior with you. Not only that, but his mannerisms have changed too. Not really eating in front of you, coming over at night only; claiming his new job had him working mornings many days and just being too exhausted to go anywhere with you during the day. Just weird things that have come up that rubbed you the wrong way. 

You hated that your mind went to these tall tales of Vampires, but you couldn’t come up with a normal answer. With his towering figure plaguing your mind, the touches that came in contact with your resting body and the constant fear and shiver of being watched by something unknown, hidden, just lurking in the shadows with their eyes fixated on you. 

Looking at how Kisumi was laughing and socializing with your guys’ group of friends, it’s as if nothing changed with him and he was the same ole Kisumi that everyone knew and had a great time with. He might have been able to fool the rest of your friends, but you knew something was up and tonight you were going to confront him even if you sounded like a lunatic. Taking a final drink of your (favorite drink), you placed some money on the table to cover your portion of the bill along with everyone else as everyone started to get up and say their goodbyes, making plans to meet up again next month as usual. 

Giving a final wave to your friends, you felt an arm snake around your shoulders and pulled you into a firm body. “(Y/N)-chan, let’s get you home.” Kisumi’s smooth voice filtered through your ears as you both made your way down the mostly empty sidewalk, the chatter and lively atmosphere of the restaurant dying away the further you walked away. The only noise that echoed around the silent street was both of your footsteps.

“You know I can get myself home, right Kisu?” He only shook his head and rubbed your shoulder, his cold skin giving you goosebumps as he brushed his fingers against the skin of your exposed upper arm. That was another weird thing with him, he was always cold now. He used to be warm, overly warm actually, always a human furnace. Now though, he was always cold to the touch and it always made you shiver no matter how many times it happened. 

“I know (Y/N), but I have to protect you from all the monsters out there, don’t I?” Another shiver ran down your spine at his question, you knew it was playful. It was Kisumi, he was always playful when it came to you, but this felt like it held an underlying meaning; like he was trying to tell you something. Scoffing, you rolled your eyes at his words. “Sure, the monsters Kisumi, whatever you say.” He laughed at your words as the both of you continued to walk down the street in silence. 

Clearing your throat, you decided to just ask him. “So, speaking of monsters, what do you think about vampires?” Kisumi stopped walking as he grasped your shoulder in a tight grip making you reel back as well. “What the hell Kisumi?!” Your shoulder burned a bit at how hard he dug his fingernails into your skin, but he still didn’t let go. Looking at his face he had a stoic look and his eyes were menacing in a way; narrowed and pointed right at you. “Vampires? Now, why would little (Y/N)-chan bring up such a thing as Vampires?” The malice that was laced in his voice was evident and downright terrifying especially in a situation where you were alone with him at night on an empty street. 

You tried to yank yourself away from his strong hold, but he didn’t let up. “It was a joke Kisumi, what’s wrong with you?” He only smirked at your words, before pushing against your shoulder until you hit the brick wall of one of the buildings. “A joke huh?” Placing his other hand on your free shoulder, he pinned you in place, the brick rubbing against your exposed skin in a way that it surely would leave marks. Before you could protest, Kisumi leaned down to your ear and whispered, “Do you think it’s a joke as you watch me in the corner of your room, or when I touch your delicious body in bed?” Your breath caught in your throat at his words. 

Your hands pushed hard against his chest, fear crawling up your body at his words. “That’s not fucking funny Kisu, I’m leaving.” Without waiting for him to respond, you shoved your way past him, resuming the trek to your house. Even the thought of your house wasn’t safe, it made you even more fearful, but you didn’t have much of a choice at this point. You felt like the darkness was suffocating you at this point and without a second thought, you ran the remainder of the few blocks, your front door in your view making you somewhat relieved. 

Deadbolting the door, your body slid down, settling at the floor. You felt exhausted, fearful and not to mention paranoid. Heavy eyes scanned the living room and what you could see of your hallway and everything seemed clear. Getting up with weak legs, you turned on every light in the house paying no mind to the thought of your electric bill nor how silly it seemed. This was what made you feel safe and at this point you were going to do anything to feel that way. 

After changing into some pajamas and trying to relax from the encounter with Kisumi, you found yourself wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, television playing a cliche horror movie. Wanting something to take your mind off what happened, you got sucked into the black and white film.

Your mind was completely preoccupied with the slasher film, blanket clutched in your hands, hiding your face behind the fuzzy comfort item as specific gory and violent scenes would pop on the screen. Usually you would watch these movies, any movie really with Kisumi...your mind went to your friend for a moment, not of the creepy things that have arisen recently, but of the memories of you both together. He would be here right now poking fun at you for being scared of these scenes, but also ‘protecting’ you from whatever was going on.

As your mind was wandering, you didn’t notice the presence next to you, not until a hand was on your thigh, fingers tapping against the supple flesh that was exposed from your pajamas. A scream erupted from your throat, but a hand clasped over your mouth, muffled cries were the only thing in the room, the noises on the television being drowned out by the thumping of your own heart. “Now (Y/N), this is the best part, hold in that scream for a minute, alright love?” His hand was still over your mouth and his free one was still trailing along your thigh. Side eyeing him, he sat there with a content smile on his face, eyes still glued on the screen. You stayed in that position for the next ten minutes until the credits were rolling.

“I loved watching these movies with you (Y/N), it was nice to be your savior when you got scared at certain scenes.” His hand uncovered your mouth, but started to stroke the soft skin down the slope of your neck getting dangerously close to the valley of your chest. “K-Kisu...how’d you get in?” Your body started to tremble as he just laughed at the fear pouring out of you at this moment. Gripping the back of your neck, Kisumi pulled you toward him, his face shoving itself into the crook of your neck as he started to place soft kisses along the slope of your neck and your collarbone. 

You felt his hot breath fan your skin as he answered your question. “Oh (Y/N), I think you already know the answer...I always tell you to lock your window.” The color drained from your face. Your window. The window that was always unlocked. It was something you didn’t think about because it was on the second floor. A place no human can reach because there were no trees, ledges, anything to help with climbing up. 

“Am I right Kisu?” A single question you needed answered. A heavy silence hung in the air as the man in question even stopped his kisses on your skin. “You’re always right (Y/N), I knew you would piece everything together, my (Y/N) is smart after all.” You could feel the sharpness of teeth scrape against the tender flesh of your neck, your breath hitching at the sensation. 

“I’ve always wanted to taste you, to know how sweet your blood is, I might get addicted to it (Y/N), but I don’t want to drain you dry...I want you around forever with me.” He laughed at the flinch in your body as he pressed his fangs a bit deeper into your neck. “You’re not ready to be changed yet either.” Sitting back up, he effortlessly pulled you into his lap, arms wrapping around your waist and anchoring you to him. “I think I’ll keep you as my personal toy until you’re ready to be changed, doesn’t my (Y/N) like the sound of that?” Fully grinning at the petrified look on your face, he showed you his sharp fangs, tongue sliding over them to add emphasis on what would happen if you disobeyed him.

--

You didn’t know what month it was, let alone the day. You just knew it’s been so long since Kisumi took you that night at your former house. After he had you in his arms, he told you what was going to happen. You got to pack what you could that night and he took you away. His home was your home now, or as he puts it, our home. 

He didn’t let you out, the house was your own personal prison and you...you were Kisumi’s personal blood bag. He didn’t want to kill you, nor turn you yet, but he had to have a taste of your blood, he tasted every other aspect of you and he knew he’d be addicted to your blood and it turns out he was.

Your skin was littered in bite marks. He would pierce your skin and take a drink from you, enough to make you dizzy before he stopped himself. He couldn’t wait for the wound to heal which is why he bites you in any available skin no matter where it is. 

He just wanted your sweet blood. Sometimes he would go overboard and will only stop if you pass out. Due to him feeding on you, you were exhausted. You turned into a shell of your former self with his constant feeding. Dark bags were under your eyes, droopy lids accompany them as well. All you wanted was rest, proper rest, but you knew you’d never get that again. 

You wouldn’t get anything you wanted again.

“(Y/N), my love, there you are.” Your head lolled to the side, Kisumi standing there with his usual smile on his face. The bed dipped down as his hands smoothed over your body, caressing any part of you he could get. He kissed your lips and made his way down to your neck. Before he could do anything, you whined out, hands weakly trying to stop him. 

“Please, not today Kisumi, I don’t think I can do it. I hurt so much, you drank too much yesterday, please give me a day to recover.” Kisumi cupped your face, thumb stroking the dark bags that decorated under your eyes. “Rest? (Y/N), we’ve been over this already sweetheart, I need to taste you everyday otherwise I might snap and we wouldn’t want that, right?” His hand clutched your face, squishing your cheeks together as you frantically shook your head not wanting to have him hurt you again.

“Good, that’s my good girl.” Placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he let your face go, a breath of relief escaped you as he bared his fangs and traced them over the scarred skin before sinking into the skin of your neck, a place he hasn’t touched in a week which was plenty of time to heal in his opinion.

“Ahh, Kisu...hurts, Kisu, it hurts..” Your weak voice flooded his ears, but he paid you no mind, you always struggled when he did this, but you were his to use and abuse to his desire. You were his little toy, his precious (Y/N).

The feeling of your blood sliding down his throat was beautiful. It was like a drug to him, he couldn’t get enough of it and he knew he was breaking you, but he didn’t care. He will turn you soon and you’ll be fine, but for now he needs you to keep hanging on. The quiet moans of pain only turned him on as he sunk his fangs deeper in your soft skin. “Kisu..too much, stop, please.” Soft pounding of your hands on his back snapped him out of his trance, Unlatching himself from your neck, your head fell to the side, eyes half lidded and skin heated after the ordeal. 

Licking a stray drop of blood from his lips and the puncture wounds on your neck, he was satisfied for now. Even though he was addicted to your blood, he was excited to turn you. You would finally be his forever, just as it should’ve been. Smirking at your worn out body, he gave you one last kiss before throwing a blanket over you and stalking off to finish your turning ceremony.

[spookyboywhump]

So technically, this is a follow up to This Piece, and since we were talking about Zander caretaking Cain the other day,,,,, yeah. I didn’t want to write the actual punishment part so instead it’s mostly aftermath. This takes place several years in the past so Zander would be 18 here and Cain would be 20.

CW: Implied child abuse, whipping, mentions of blood, Charles Whitaker deserves his own warning

***

Zander stared at the scene before him, so confused he almost felt numb to the situation. Cain was kneeling a few feet away from him, hunched over and trembling. His back was to Zander and as much as he wanted to look away he just couldn’t.

His back was covered in long, bleeding lash marks from a whip, fifteen of them to be exact. From the corner of his eye he could see Cain’s father putting the whip he’d used away. The fresh injuries weren’t the only thing though, there were scars, so many of them that were obviously from the same injuries in the past. Zander felt sick with guilt though, all of this was because Cain gave him food, all of this was his fault.

Cain’s father ordered him to “do something about that mutt” before he left the room, leaving the two young men alone. They were silent for a long time, though Zander could hear the cries Cain tried to muffle with his hand. After a while he realized he wasn’t going to get up on his own, and finally, Zander got to his feet, shaking as he approached him.

“Hey… hey, you’re bleeding a lot, you… you need help…” He said hesitantly.

“Fuck off!” Cain hissed, glaring at him through the tears in his eyes. For once Zander tried not to get irritated.

“Now isn’t a time for you to be stubborn, you need to get this taken care of.” He said, reaching for him to help him up but Cain violently jerked away from him.

“Don’t touch me!” He snapped. “Don’t… don’t touch me…” He said again, struggling to get to his feet. He was swaying though, he was visibly dizzy and unsteady, and Zander had to catch him before he collapsed. Cain didn’t have the strength to pull away this time, and knowing he really didn’t have any other choice, Zander went ahead and picked him up, ignoring the fact he’d get blood on him as he carried him back to his cell, the door had been left open. He would’ve taken him to his own room but he didn’t know if that would cause him more pain and he knew his room already had the supplies he needed.

He carefully sat him down in the bathroom and Cain ended up on his knees again, staying silent while Zander got ready to clean the blood off his back. He tensed up when Zander first touched him, almost as if expecting to be hurt again. He stayed that way the entire time Zander wiped away the blood, it was odd behavior he’d never seen from Cain but at the same time, he couldn’t blame him at all for the way he was acting. He didn’t even know what to say to him so he kept his mouth shut for now. Once the blood was cleaned up he started on disinfecting the wounds, but the second he touched him Cain jerked away again, whipping around to face him.

“What the fuck- that fucking hurts!” He snapped.

“If it stings that means it’s working.” He said bluntly, grabbing him by the shoulder and forcing him to turn around again.

“This is fucking ridiculous, I can’t believe my fucking dog has to take care of me…” He muttered angrily.

“Would you rather be doing this yourself?” He asked, and Cain fell silent again, allowing Zander to continue to work. “I’m… I’m sorry this happened… I should’ve stopped him.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done.” Cain shrugged. “You would’ve only gotten the both of us whipped, and then we’d both be fucked.”

“Still… I don’t know, I’m just… I’m sorry…”

“Stop saying that. I don’t need to hear it from you and it doesn’t matter, it’s not as if it’s the first time he’s done it.”

“That’s horrible…” He murmured, a scowl on his face just thinking about it. “That fucking bastard… I just- I can’t believe he’d do this to you, ever, much less before.”

“You’re being far too generous to my father if you genuinely believe he’s ever been above that.” Cain snickered. “He’s not known to be merciful or have, you know, morals.”

“I know, I know.” He muttered. “He’s a fucking monster, that’s what he is.”

“You’re not wrong about that.” Cain sighed. He cooperated with Zander so he was able to bandage him up, finally finished with everything. He cleaned up while Cain sat there, silent for a long time before he very softly said, “I don’t want to go…” Zander considered reminding him that it’s not like he could make him leave, Cain could do whatever he wanted, he’d never considered Zander’s opinion before, but at the same time it almost hurt to see how sad and dejected he looked.

“You don’t have to…” He told him. He stayed on the floor with him, sitting silently as he waited to see if Cain even wanted to talk. Cain kept his knees pulled up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He would occasionally sniffle or reach up to wipe away a tear. Zander had never seen him cry before now, and he didn’t feel any sense of vindication like he always thought he would. Cain was horrible, but this situation was more horrible, his father was more horrible. He’d seen him hit Cain before, sure, but he truly never thought he’d torture him.

He didn’t think it was possible, but he was finally realizing Charles Whitaker was far more evil than he’d initially thought.

[luuurien]

STOMACH BOOK - STOMACH BOOK

(Noise Pop, Experimental Rock, Indietronica)

One of the zaniest, radiant, and liveliest debuts of the year, experimental rock singer/songwriter STOMACH BOOK uses cabaret, punk, noise and electronica for an album that is piercing to the ears in the bold and enchanting fashion. 

☆☆☆½

I think the concept behind STOMACH BOOK was to make the most frantic and brickwall records of 2021. Every song off the mysterious Indiana artist's debut record is anxious, tense, and angular: a candyland where every blade of peppermint grass is sharp as knives. The synths are cold and unforgivingly violent; a brass line is cartoonish in its big band cheeriness. Somehow, it all works, STOMACH BOOK being one of the most riveting listens I've had this year. It has some issues, and ear fatigue will be a major problem for many who check it out, but in its most pure form, STOMACH BOOK still feels like nothing else in the indie music scene all year. Other indie gems this year have used noise and experimental production techniques to huge success (think of artists like Parannoul, Asian Glow, Pom Poko), but the terror found underneath the cabaret instrumental work of STOMACH BOOK is more twisted and unashamedly discomforting than nearly anything else this year. "...[begun] in between panic attacks in my dorm room at college...It has become a way for me to process trauma and explore the beauty in suffering," is part of how it's described on the Bandcamp page, as well as the hopes for this album to help them in "...trying to pay off my student loan debt, get a car, and move out of my parent's house so I can start my transition," there's a ton of emotional weight carried throughout STOMACH BOOK. With this knowledge, both the album's title and its writing begin to assume form, this guttural depiction of mental instability, gender identity, and learning to come to acceptance of every unkempt human emotion. Mostly built around huge electronic walls, prickly guitars, and punk rocker's penchant for speed, STOMACH BOOK encompasses the past few decades of indie and experimental rock without ever feeling derivative. The metallic snares slammed down on Folie à Deux along with its off-beat guitar flicks are instantly memorable, and with the fuzzy recordings of STOMACH BOOK's melody and a peppy string bridge at the halfway point, the cathartic screams of "I have no clue what you're saying, I'm gonna lose my mind!!!!!!!" or the fantastic final lines "If you ever find my body, throw it in the lake", accompanied on Bandcamp by the following sentence of "(throw it in the lake!!!!!!!!)"exclamation marks a plenty to express the force with which she sings it. Lullaby for an Angel's Egg, Pt. 2 is almost in dreamy indie rock territory were it not for the buildup of writhing guitars that heartily fill the third leg of the tune, a softer yet still rowdy addition to the pile of colorful noise STOMACH BOOK displays. My biggest complaint with this record is intertwined with that very commotion: at 41 minutes with songs that occasionally breach the four-minute mark, STOMACH BOOK can cause heavy ear fatigue, especially when sharp mallet percussion and ringing distortion enter the mix on songs like greetings from oblivion! we hope to see you soon! and Devils. I wouldn't take the album any softer than it is, I adore just how unrelenting the experience is and the fact that it helps mirror the panic and worry expressed throughout the record, but I have to admit that there were times going through STOMACH BOOK where I had to let my ears cool down and get up for a few minutes before diving back into the noise. This likely wasn't how the album was intended to be experienced, especially taking into consideration the Bandcamp notes, but the accessibility of STOMACH BOOK is limited by how overbearing it can be with the sheer amount of things going on . It's exactly how the album should be, but it's also one of its most problematic affairs throughout. Where other artists can wallow in despair, make concept albums where the theme begins and ends at the troubles they face, STOMACH BOOK's final track looks for hope through the noise, rather than using it to express the anguish it usually does. "And I know that someday soon you'll look back on all this and you'll laugh," they emphatically announce on the magnetic all you can hope for now are the scars to show for it!!!, the title alone a declaration to see things through wherever they lead. Just about an hour before writing this, STOMACH BOOK announced on Twitter that she wanted to take a break from music for some time. I'm completely with her in her effort to only make music she can be happy with, no matter how long this break will be. Even if STOMACH BOOK ends up the only thing she ever puts out, it's an exemplary work of letting your emotional turmoil sit comfortably with the music you make, no matter how bright or dismal it is. More than anything, STOMACH BOOK is fantastic to fasten your body and mind onto.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

#13: Relax

(Read it on AO3 here!)

It’s the morning after everything happened at Kingsmen Mechanics. Things are quiet now. Arthur and Lance are both asleep in their rooms. Vivi’s passed out on the couch, and Mystery is settled into a corner, asleep on a blanket. In a different corner of the living room, Lewis drifts curled up, not truly asleep but not really awake, either.

He stirs when he feels something shift, and then Arthur comes into the room. He’s trembling slightly, his hand pressed against the space between his shoulder and neck in what’s becoming a familiar nervous habit. He glances around as he enters like he’s worried about waking somebody else up.

Unfortunately, Vivi also manages to detect his presence – Lewis has to wonder if she ever really fell asleep – and shifts upright, running a hand through her hair. “Oh, hey, Arthur. Mm… what’dya want?”

“Just- uh- j-just came in to- to-g- to get a drink.”

Lewis frowns, finally uncurling all the way and standing up. His stammer is stronger than normal, his voice shaking and cracked – something’s not right. He looks almost panicked, too.

“You sure?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Arthur, seriously. You look like…” it takes Vivi a moment to think of a good analogy. “You look like you’re gonna shatter if someone breathes on you too hard.”

He shakes his head, the movement too twitchy to be at all convincing. “S-s-seriously, I- I’m- I’m f-fine.”

“No, come on. It’s totally reasonable to be upset! After last night-? But if you tell me what’s going on, I can help-“

“I’m fine!” he snaps, shouting her down despite the crack in his voice. “Just- st-stop. I’m jus- ju- just tired, th- is all.”

“Is it Lewis? If-“

He backs up abruptly, spinning and walking out of the room.

Vivi and Lewis exchange a look.

There's a pit of worry growing in Lewis’s stomach. Is it him? It's perfectly understandable that Arthur might not be comfortable with- with him, not after he’d tried to kill him so many times, nearly succeeded, and given that he barely even looks like himself anymore. But… he’d said it was fine, and he’d sounded so honest – surely he couldn’t lie that well, not if he was this scared, right? Lewis knows him well enough to be able to tell – right?

After answers, or maybe reassurance, he stands and follows his path out of the room.

He finds Arthur in his room, sitting on the bed, glaring at the wall. At a glance he just looks angry, but Lewis knows even before he looks closer that he’s not – he almost never is. And sure enough, there are tear-tracks running down his cheeks and his breathing is shaky and uneven.

He knocks on the doorframe, and Arthur’s head snaps up, brow unfurrowing into confusion when he sees him.

“Arthur, can… can we please talk? About… whatever’s bothering you?” Arthur inhales, but Lewis interrupts him. “Even if it’s nothing.”

His expression darkens again, and he shifts a little on the bed, moving closer to the headboard. “F-f-fine. Come in an-and close the door.”

He does so, carefully watching Arthur for cues as he sits down opposite him on the bed.

“You’re not gonna t-t-tell anyone, ri- r-right?”

Lewis can’t answer the question honestly, but Arthur seems to understand that when he meets his eyes. He sighs and looks down at his knees. “It’s… it’s Mys- m- Mystery.”

Oh.

Lewis silently replays a scene from last night in his head. After Mystery had explained everything – and admitted to keeping it all secret – Vivi had been furious. So had Lewis and Lance, to some extent, but Vivi was the angriest. She’d defended him, comforted him when Arthur was afraid of him and hurt his feelings, went head-to-head with a tree demon to protect him – and he’d never even bothered to tell her the truth? About anything?

He’d let everyone think Arthur’s fear of him was irrational, that Lewis’s disappearance was just a disappearance, watched Vivi struggle with her memory loss and said nothing? He stayed silent while Arthur tore himself apart searching for someone he knew was dead? He knew who Lewis was – and knew why he was chasing them – and said nothing! He still called himself their protector, even as he hid the truth from them!

And that wasn’t even counting that he knew full well why the tree monster was after him, and that he honestly should have expected this, and knew that she wasn’t evil she was just upset – and he still pulled Vivi out of the van and silently watched as the two of them fought each other, each not understanding what the other was thinking, and only stepped in when Vivi was about to die.

The only one who hadn’t agreed with the others, also the one who had the most right to be angry, was Arthur. Even with a shaking hand – that they’d all attributed to exhaustion and injury at the time – he’d reached between all the shouting and argued against them. Mystery was just doing what he thought was best, he said. He was trying to help everyone. He wasn’t omniscient or all-powerful and besides he was hurt, couldn’t they just leave this until he was healed?

Vivi fell silent at that – just as she had earlier, when Arthur was defending Lewis. She couldn’t find the words to keep arguing with him. The same exhaustion that was making her anger so hot made it impossible to debate rationally, so she’d given it up and warned Mystery to stay on the couch while everyone else went to bed.

And now Lewis knows that after defending him against his friends, Arthur went to bed and probably laid awake, tense and terrified, precisely because he’d let one of his biggest sources of trauma sleep right outside his room. Right after the events of last night, Mystery’s possession and sudden rampage, opened that trauma wide up. He tries and fails to imagine how he’d feel if Arthur had, of his own free will, instead of just pushing him off a cliff, taken a weapon and violently cut him apart. And then he watched him do something very similar the night before he returned to the group. The only emotion he can muster is a gut-wrenching fear.

He’s been silent for too long, and Arthur starts talking again, pressing his hand against his collar between his shoulder and neck. “I mean- I- I know it’s it- itr-r- ira- st-stupid, but I don’t- I can’t- get myself to, t-to believe it, and I’m tr-trying, I don’t- I d-don’t want him to-“

“Arthur,” he says sternly, and immediately regrets it when Arthur shrinks back, shoulders tensing. “It’s not irrational. It’s not stupid. No amount of good intentions erases the fact that he attacked you and seriously hurt you, and then-“ he takes a breath before he starts ranting. “And last night, he very nearly did the same thing again. You deserve to be afraid of him."

“But it- it d-doesn’t mean I get to ki- kick him out!”

“This is your house! And besides – I think all of us care more about you feeling safe than about Mystery’s feelings getting hurt.”

“I… but…”

“We’re all upset with him too, you know. And he’ll be fine if he leaves. It’s not like he has nowhere else to go.” He tilts his head slightly. “Be honest. Would you be more relaxed if he wasn’t here? Not just out in the parking lot – if he left.”

Arthur stares at the blankets for a long while, apparently thinking. He nods. “…yeah.”

“Good. Then he’s gone.” Lewis almost reaches out and takes his hand, but second-guesses himself at the last moment. He stands and walks to the door.

Vivi’s still in the living room, draped over the back of the couch and looking mostly asleep. He feels bad about disturbing her – but he knows she’ll agree that this is more important than a few minutes of sleep.

She picks her head up when he enters the room, anyway. “Mm- Lew… is. Did you… talk to him?”

“Yeah.” He walks a little closer, and she doesn’t stop him, just blinks the sleep from her eyes. “It’s… it’s Mystery.”

She huffs at that, sitting up a little more. “Of course it is!”

“What’s me?” The dog – not a dog – in question is awake now, stretching his paws out and yawning, unconcerned with the bandages still wrapped around his midsection.

“He’s really freaked out, huh?”

“Of course he is.”

“You know, I’ve been wanting to do this.” She rolls to her feet and puts her hands on her hips, glaring down. “Mystery! Out.”

He bristles. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me! Get out. You’re not welcome here. Find somewhere else to lick your wounds.” She points sharply at the door.

“You forget that Arthur argued against you when you tried this last night! I will not-“

“Oh, don’t you dare play that card, you know what he’s like and you know that’s a bullshit argument. Get out.”

“And what would you have me do? Go and leave you undefended? What if-“

Vivi’s fist slams down on the armrest. “No! Shut the fuck up! You don’t get to talk about protecting us. You have lost that fucking privilege! After everything you’ve done- or, excuse me, haven’t done? You are not our protector. You haven’t protected shit in years. That role is not yours to claim anymore.”

He falls silent, staring at her. She- doesn’t relax, but she stands a little taller, still glaring down at him.

“You can leave now, or I can go wake up Lance. Your choice.”

He folds his ears tightly back and picks himself up, careful not to pull at the bandages. “…Fine.”

She has to open the door for him. When he's gone and the door falls back into the frame, the little bell above it chiming, she sighs and leans against the wall, putting her face in her arm.

“I still can’t believe I tried to defend him. While he just watched.”

Lewis wants nothing more than to comfort her, to go and reassure her that it wasn’t her fault for believing him, for not realizing how much he’d lied about what he was – but he hesitates. It isn't his place. This is his fault too, for dragging Arthur into the truck and leaving her to fight the tree monster alone.

Eventually, he speaks up. “I… can go tell Arthur he’s gone.”

She nods. “Yeah, sure, okay. I’m gonna… go lie down again.”

He doesn’t have to go far, it turns out. Arthur’s hovering in the doorway between the hall and the living room, rubbing his shoulder and looking… significantly less panicked, but still worried and uncertain.

“You- you d-didn’t have to yell,” he says when he realizes they’re looking at him.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to. He earned that.”

He swallows hard, taking a step back.

“You wanna come sit down?” Vivi asks, pointing to the couch.

“Actually, I- uh- I’d rather go- lie down- in- in bed.” He hesitates for a moment, looking between the two of them, and then his gaze settles on Lewis as he asks, “do… you guys- can- uh- d’you wanna… come too?”

“Is that a genuine offer?” Vivi says, pausing in her slow descent onto the couch. “Because, yeah, I do.”

Any question as to whether the offer was genuine is answered when she says that and Arthur relaxes, shoulders slumping out of their tense posture. “‘course it- it was.”

Lewis follows them cautiously, still unsure if he’s really included. Halfway there, he can’t resist calling out, “Arthur?”

He turns around to look at him, tilting his head. He still looks exhausted and twitchy, but it’s miles better than he was doing a few minutes ago.

“I… be honest, please. I… I have plenty of other places to go, so… do you want me to leave, too?”

He’s about to continue, nerves making him ramble, but Arthur closes the distance between them and snags his sleeve cuff, meeting his eyes. “Look- Lew, I- I know- I probably s-s-seem… still, uh, ne-t- nervous, but- I’d be more freaked out if- if you… left.” His eyes are shiny, and his voice breaks on the final sentence, “I… I don’t want you to disappear again.”

Oh.

He can’t help but think, as Arthur leads him down the hall by the hand, that he doesn’t deserve this – not after Mystery was kicked out – but he does his best to convince his uncertain mind that there's still a huge difference between the two of them. And as Arthur had said last night – completely honest – Lewis had never managed to truly hurt him, and now he’d realized he didn’t even want to. He was… safe.

It didn’t feel right, but there was nothing to do but accept it.

[danieyells]

Messy mutterings about Chapter 55 spoilers with a small angst warning, copypasted from discord with little cleaning and edits lol

I'm imagining Raphael sent Luke away so he wouldn't interfere with him killing/fighting Michael and Simeon went along with the idea and is in the human world too so Luke's not, y'know, on his own in a strange new world and to reduce Luke's suspicion and all. But as Michael and Raphael are fighting or whatever Luke somehow learns what's going on/realizes why things are off and rushes home to try and stop it.

He tries to get between Raphael and Michael(perhaps his back, Raph perhaps striking while Michael is lost in thought missing the brothers, spaced out, staring at the wall where their portraits were) and is struck violently by Raphael's spear instead. Simeon, ofc, followed him home to try and protect him but is too late because of Luke's own determination to protect Michael bonus if he grows a little in this scene--just magically, because his current smol form is too weak to help surely but if he were a little bigger, a little stronger, maybe he could make it in time--!! and Luke is impaled.

He doesn't die but none of the three wanted Luke hurt in this confrontation--Michael is angry at Raph for attacking/being violent in the first place, Raph is mad at Simeon for failing to restrain Luke, and Simeon is like is now really the time for this because hello Luke is hurt.

Angels are made of strong stuff, he's not gonna die but he'll be in a bad spot if they don't get him to an angel who specializes in healing. I've elected this to be Uriel for now although I've been told that Raphael is generally percieved as the angel of healing--but with OM canon his reputation sonfar is so hostile I'm gonna say that may not be the case. Michael (or Raph) can stave things off for a bit but he's not healing specialized either--they're all Archangels and Seraphs but their fields are elsewhere, mostly combat.

(Luke tries to assure that he's fine and attempts to remove the spear. They don't allow this because the spear is, of course, keeping most of his blood in at the moment.)

They can't fly him to someone because it'd be bumpier so they have to carry him or call/run/send for help--so other angels do learn what's going on and speculation begins. Luke is hospitalized and Raph and Michael and Simeon stay with him while he sleeps, kinda tensely, not really ready to talk out whatever happened. But before he passed out Luke tried to tell Raphael not to fight/kill Michael, to talk to him instead. He wanted to tell him to talk to the demons/humans too, they're not as bad as they think(he and Raph are very likeminded so he thinks 'maybe Raphael will listen to me since I'm starting to see that I was a little wrong maybe') but he couldn't get it out.

Simeon messages the demons, Solomon, and MC and says he won't be returning to the human world/devildom for a bit because Luke was hurt in the CR. Mammon, having had recently gotten attached to Luke, is stunned and angry and anxious and wants to know what happened. Simeon isn't ready to tell them yet, and Mammon demands Barb make a portal to the CR for him to check on Luke--surely Barb is also worried because he cares for Luke too!

Diavolo says they're not allowed to go and Barb agrees(he felt as much before Diavolo said anything too.) Simeon agrees because there's some unrest now and speculation and with an exchange student angel having had been injured by a notoriously demon-skeptical Archangel some angels are worried the demons may be involved in this somehow and if demons suddenly showed up it'd make things worse. Mammon curses his helplessness because his new little brother minion is hurt and he can't even check on him. Simeon feels helpless too--he's an archangel, a Seraph, but he can't help Luke either.

I imagine MC then offers to visit instead--they may be a powerful sorcerer now but they're still just a sheep human with an inhuman aura right? They wouldn't be as concerning for the general populace. After some consideration the demons and Solomon agree this would be okay, as does Michael and Simeon [and Raph maybe] but they say to wait a few hours/a day or two before doing so, just to allow some cooldown/recovery in the CR.

(In the meantime Mammon reviews one of Luke's recent text chains to him where he's baking something. He tries to copy all the steps and instructions and clumsily makes some cupcakes. They're ugly and Mammon isn't known for his stellar cooking, but they kinda relieve him a bit and Beel says they taste alright, so Mammon asks MC to bring them to the CR for Luke for him--there's enough for Michael too since he's probably going through a hard time. It's not like he cares or anything!! He's just building up credit! They'll owe him with interest when this is all said and done!!!)

Idk what'd happen afterwards--it's probably the first time MC meets Raph so it's not under the best circumstances and he definitely wouldn't trust sweets from a demon. And even if he was gonna fight/kill Michael he doesn't trust that Mammon would give him anything safe and instinctively would tell Michael not to touch them, let alone Luke if he's awake to do so. So it's not like he hates Michael, he just. Things need to change and he tried to incite it the only way he knows how--or, rather, the most effective way, given how quickly things changed after the Rebellion. A spear to the throat makes anyone listen. A rebellion is what made Michael change, so maybe it will help him go back to normal too.

(Maybe Luke is awake enough to hear them talking about these things and weakly asks if Raph is going to be exciled over this--the first thing he says since passing out. They're surprised because. He got injured trying to protect Michael but he's still trying to protect Raphael, Michael's assailant? But Luke understands how Raphael feels because he feels the exact same way--or he used to. He didn't trust demons or humans or sorcerers or the exchange program, he didn't think they should get along at all. And he saw how sad Michael was without the brothers and hated them for that too--and Raph feels the same way, right?

Angels are all family. Raphael, Michael, Luke, Simeon, even when they disagree, when their views don't align due to time and perspectives and experiences and ages and positions, they're all brothers. And Lucifer and them were their family too. Even if they disliked them or how they behaved, even if they resent their rebellion and its effects they were still family and they loved and cared about them.

And Raphael doesn't want to see Michael hurting anymore either--certainly not over people who don't care anymore, certainly not over people who turned on them and Father, who must hate them as well. . .but he's been with the brothers for over a year now. Maybe two or three at this point. And he may have only learned it recently but. . .they haven't forgotten. They probably don't hate them. And the demons, the humans, even those unfaithful and the practitioners of dark magic, the fallen, they're not as bad as they thought. They're not necessarily their enemies. Raphael doesn't know it like Luke does because he's never left the CR aside for war and maybe visiting the human world briefly too, right? But if he'd consider things differently, if he's allowed a chance to learn, Luke himself promises Michael, promises Father who's surely watching as he always is, that he'll understand. Raph made a rash decision albeit after many many years of consideration-- but it was out of ignorance, so please forgive him and give him another chance and don't excile him? On top of that he needs a chance to learn and do better--imagine how he'd feel, being turned into something he hates or fears? It will help him learn, sure, but it also may only make him feel worse or make him do something more rash or result in another Fall if he has supporters.

Raphael doesn't hate Michael--he just wants things to be different. Perhaps to go back to normal. And he doesn't want Michael to mope over the loss of the seven brothers and Lilith anymore either.

And maybe in this time, since they'd have to decide what to do about Raph, Michael requested Diavolo come over too--y'know, in case Raph is exciled, they'd want Diavolo's approval and reassurance to keep an eye on him too. So maybe he or Barb, as they arrive in the room, would approve of Luke's appeal--ask what Michael and Simeon And Raph and MC think. They could always bring him in as an exchange student too! 😘 That worked for Luke!

Ultimately Raph probably wouldn't be exciled/become a Fallen but be given another chance. Maybe he's stripped of his title temporarily, until he's sufficiently deemed to learn about demons, angels, their history together, culture, whether or not they can get along, etc--so he's bitter, but thankful. And Michael understands that perhaps he's been allowing how much he misses the brothers and Lilith to cloud him and maybe it's time to move on and make changes to the Celestial Realm again after all this time. Bonus points if the bros came along and he was too distracted to sense them--someone's like "oh you're moving on? So we came here for no reason after all?" and ofc he's happy to see them again and gets to hang out with them again for a while before getting to say a goodbye with more closure. And he hangs off of Lucifer's neck the whole time they're there lol he and Dia bond over being Lucifer fanboys too.

Luke's okay in the end--a little worse for wear because being stabbed by Raphael is Not A Small Ordeal but he's okay and he shows a little more maturity. But he's also still same old Luke who will happily point out how awful demons are and use it as an excuse for distrust/fear--but he's more mindful of it now because he feels like he needs to set a good example for Raph lmao.)

[magenta-fantasies]

Magenta Fantasies Reviews and Ranks Disney Sequel Films: Aladdin and the King of Thieves

And just in case you didn’t notice, it stars Robin Williams!

Hello and welcome to Magenta Fantasies Reviews and Ranks Disney Sequel Films!

Today I’ll discuss the third Disney animated sequel film, Aladdin and the King of Thieves! This is also the first (and one of the few) Disney films that is a sequel to a sequel. Curiously, both bookended the Aladdin TV series (which I vaguely recall watching as a child.) Aladdin II: The Return of Jafar served as an indirect pilot, while Aladdin and the King of Thieves served as the finale. Which is the better of the two sequels, you ask? Keep reading!

Have I seen this film before?

Yes, but it was a very long time ago. I don’t remember much of what happened, other than a reveal that I won’t divulge until a little later.

Anticipation: 6/10

I remember enjoying this film, but it’s not as fresh in my mind as Aladdin II: The Return of Jafar.

Opinion of the Original Film: 10/10

See my previous post.

Favorite Moment

The fight to the death between Aladdin and Saluk is delightfully tense, and has some dynamic cinematography reminiscent of that in the fight between Simba and Scar in The Lion King. It’s a surprisingly violent scene for a G-rated film, even if no one really gets hurt. Saluk fights off a shark and swims to shore, and Aladdin is winded, but not injured.

Least Favorite Moment

No. Just no. I understand the symbolic gesture of Aladdin’s father (I never said these reviews would be spoiler-free!) throwing away the Hand of Midas: he is releasing his own dreams and rejecting greed in favor of having his son back in his life. However, it makes absolutely no sense at the point in the scene where it happens, AFTER they already escaped the chamber. To make this scene work, there should have been a moment where Aladdin’s father had to choose between the treasure and Aladdin. For example, let’s say he was standing on a ledge above the rushing water with both Aladdin and the Hand of Midas within reach. He would feel conflicted about which to choose: to complete his lifelong quest and grant himself endless riches or to save his son who has just returned into his life? Then he would reach for Aladdin, using both hands to pull him free from the water while the Hand of Midas sinks beneath the waves.

Other Observations

There are even more Disney references in this film than in the original Aladdin. There are so many that it would take multiple posts to share them all. This particular sequence had some of the Genie’s best visual gags in the film.

As I jokingly pointed out at the beginning of this review, Disney really wanted to emphasize Robin Williams’ presence in the film. It’s almost unheard of for Disney to emphasize a particular voice actor with their animated films.

Plot: 5.5/10

How well-written is the film? Does the pacing flow well or does the film lag or feel rushed in areas? Is the plot cliché or original?

A few thought-provoking questions drive the plot. First is the premise of the wand: if you could ask any one question and get a definitive answer, what would you ask? Truthfully, I’m not sure what I would ask, probably something about my future or the future in general. Second is the theme of finding something you sought and realizing it is not what you thought: Aladdin seeks to find his father, but his father is the King of Thieves and creates conflict for Aladdin throughout the film. Would Aladdin have been better off not knowing or searching for his father? Aladdin even says, “Everything was perfect before he came into my life.”

Aside from a few scenes of contrivance and stupidity (Aladdin and co. didn’t think to tie up, lock up or otherwise incapacitate Saluk on the Vanishing Isle after they first catch him off guard? Even though Aladdin and his father successfully escaped together with the Hand of Midas, they throw it into the sea anyways?) the plot is mostly solid.

However, I hated the ending, other than the brief scene where Aladdin and Jasmine encounter the merchant whose narration starts the first Aladdin film. Having Aladdin’s father (and even worse, Iago, which undoes his character arc from the last film) leave Aladdin goes completely against the themes of forgiveness and valuing the people around you that run throughout the film. Surely Jasmine could have convinced the Sultan to give Aladdin’s father a lighter punishment and visits with his son, with some hope of Aladdin and his father eventually having a full reunion. I have to deduct a couple points from the Plot score simply for the terrible ending.

Characters: 7/10

How well-written are the characters? Is their behavior consistent with the original film? Does this film expand or detract from the characters?

I find it interesting in a negative sense how Aladdin is visibly repulsed by the 40 Thieves during “Welcome to the 40 Thieves” and afterward when his father shows him the boat that was touched by the hand of Midas. In this scene, he doesn’t seem conflicted at all about being reunited with his long-lost father versus being surrounded by unscrupulous thieves and being a part of their group. Perhaps the writers were afraid of making Aladdin morally gray (he was a little bit as a thief in the original film, although his thefts were largely harmless) or thought it would be out-of-character. Having him feel more torn between what he thought his father would be like and reality would have strengthened the conflict in this scene. This makes for a very jarring shift in Aladdin’s character when he soon after brings his father back to the palace and clearly trusts him on his own. As the Genie later says, “Leaving him alone with the parrot, that was stupid.”

Speaking of the Genie, I love that Disney was able to get Robin Williams to do his voice again. Dan Castellaneta is a good replacement, both in Aladdin II and in the animated series, but he doesn’t lend the Genie the same manic energy as Robin Williams. Retrospectively I’m a little surprised, since Robin Williams has since gone on record saying he didn’t have a good experience working with Disney on the original Aladdin.

Connection to Original Film: 8.5/10

How well does this film compare to its original film? Does it add anything or detract from the original? Does it feel out of place or dissonant with the original film? Is the tone different from the original film, and if so, is that an improvement or a flaw?

Aladdin and Jasmine’s wedding ties up a major loose end. Even in the original film, much of Jasmine’s character revolved around getting married and the conflict this created for her. There are also some call backs to the previous Aladdin films, such as when Aladdin’s father is shown locked up in the palace dungeon. The rat running by and the camera angles parallel the scene in the original film where Aladdin himself is locked up.

A more subtle connection is the idea of people accessing and misusing mystical power. In the first film, part of why Aladdin frees the Genie is not just that it would mean the world to the Genie, but because Aladdin saw how Jafar misused the Genie’s power for evil. Likewise, we see a ship that was transformed into gold by the Hand of Midas, then Saluk is transformed into gold by mishandling it (no pun intended) later. This prompts Aladdin’s father to get rid of the Hand of Midas, although the timing of this would have been far more plausible if he had acted earlier in the scene instead of having Aladdin go through the trouble of escaping with it just to get rid of it a few minutes later.

Heart: 8/10

Did the film make me feel anything? What were my emotions throughout the film? If I felt a negative emotion, was it from a scene intended to make me feel that way?

The conflict between Aladdin and his father is at the core of the film. There is some well-written tension between Aladdin and his father in several scenes. Some of my favorite scenes between them include the scene where his father tells him about the 40 Thieves and his goal to find the Hand of Midas, and after Aladdin helps his father escape imprisonment and they temporarily part ways.

Production Values/Aesthetic Appeal: 8/10

What is the quality of the animation? Is the voice acting done well? Is the visual style different from the original film, and is that positive or negative?

The animation is somewhat better quality than that of Aladdin II: The Return of Jafar, though it still is lower quality than the original film. There are a few impressive scenes, such as when the King of Thieves uses “Open Sesame” to part the sea and reveal the 40 Thieves’ hideout and when the Vanishing Isle fills up with water.

Music: 6.5/10

Are the songs and background music memorable? Is the music annoying or pleasant to listen to throughout?

“Party in Agrabah” is the poor man’s version of “Prince Ali” from the original film. It’s mildly annoying and the visual gags don’t work anywhere near as well as in “Prince Ali.” Like with Aladdin II, the songs are decent, but ultimately forgettable.

Replay Value: 7.5/10

Is the film worth re-watching? Is there anything I noticed by watching this film that I didn’t notice the first time?

Like with Aladdin II, I enjoyed this film and would rewatch it. There are plenty of fun references to other films (especially Disney films) hidden throughout the Genie’s scenes, and these overall add to the film.

Overall Rating: 7.5/10

Aladdin and the King of Thieves is a second solid sequel to Aladdin. Of the two sequels, The Return of Jafar is marginally better. The best moments in both films are equivalent, and the parts that bothered me in The Return of Jafar didn’t bother me anywhere near as much as those in Aladdin and the King of Thieves. While neither sequel reaches the heights of the original film, they are nonetheless very enjoyable in their own right and two of the best Disney sequel films.

Next time, just slightly after Christmas, I will review Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas!

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[sixties-doctor-who-stan]

Genesis of the Daleks is Trash, and Here’s Why

Okay, so I first watched Genesis of the Daleks back in 2016 and I was… disappointed to say the least. I didn’t hate it or anything but I guess I had been told this was THE best Dalek story in Classic Who so I had been very hyped to see it. So of course disappointment was inevitable.

So, five years later me and my partner were watching it together and I had low expectations. But a part of me thought, ‘maybe I’ll like it more if I don’t overhype it’…

If anything, I liked it less this time.

It starts well, I’ll give it that. The bit with the Time Lord is interesting – they won’t leave the Doctor alone! They made his last self do their bidding and yet this keep him on a chain… ugh… fuck the Time Lords. But anyway, the war of attrition is a REALLY interesting idea – technology downgrading over time in a war is a cool concept that I wish had been explored after Episode 1 but it’s not.

And another thing to give props to is the part where the Doctor steps on a grenade. That… that was tense. One of the tensest and grimmest things I’ve ever seen in Doctor Who. Tom Baker and Ian Marter played the terror and danger of it so well. The mains are all pretty solid in this story – nothing to complain about to be honest.

Honestly it falls apart when the bloody Daleks turn up. I’m not the biggest fan of the Daleks to be honest, but there are quite a few Dalek stories I love so whatever. But they don’t do anything apart from being Davros’s henchmen until the end of Episode 6. Which, I get it, that’s the point. It doesn’t make them feel any more impactful.

I also hate the gunmetal look, but that’s a petty point.

Another (arguably) petty point is that I think a Genesis of the Daleks was 100% not needed. We don’t need their friggin backstory! The few lines in The Daleks was sufficient and (imo) more interesting! The continuity errors don’t bother me that much to be honest, because it had been 12 years in a time before reruns so whatever.

What does bother me is that the Kaleds are mostly against making the Daleks completely evil and that the Daleks have a sole creator. I feel like that weakens the whole Nazi thing (despite the story trying to evoke it) because the whole thing is the Nazis were a movement. Hitler was the focal point but he didn’t invent their hatred. I suppose the Daleks eventually superseding their creator works well enough as it is, good thing Davros was a one-time character.

Ah, Davros. Being honest, I wouldn’t be making this post if it wasn’t for this fucking character. Like… holy shit he is SO ableist! Let’s bullet point all the ableist things about Davros:

- He has multiple disabilities (blind, can’t walk, has facial disfigurements, only has use of one arm, arm he has use of has a tremor, requires life support) and is the most evil character in the story

- All of the other Kaleds look human, except for him. WHY?

- The Doctor threatens to kill him by turning off his life support system – this is a problem because the hero is threatening to kill someone in a way that many of disabled people in real like have been killed by their carers who have gotten away with it because no-one cares about disabled people.

- The Doctor should have just held a gun to his head (‘oh but the Doctor wouldn’t do that’ – interesting what’s seen as violent and what’s not eh?)

- The Doctor realises that Nyder knows the combination to Davros’s safe because Davros wouldn’t be able to reach it… why? Why wouldn’t he have a safe he could reach himself? The Doctor should have just pointed out that Davros had trusted the tape recording to Nyder, so clearly Nyder must have put it in the safe.

In isolation, I like Nyder and Davros’s relationship. Nyder is completely loyal and never betrays him, I think that’s an interesting villain dynamic. The only other two Kaled I liked were Ravon – his bloodthirstiness was unsettling and then helping the Doctor and Harry because he was pissed off with Nyder (I assume). Pity we never see him again (what happens to him? He’s not in the dome, so maybe he survived?)

The other Kaleds… they’re just so friggin dull.

I guess I quite like Bettan and Sevrin, though to be honest I think the main reason I remember Bettan is because she’s the only other woman in the story.

Something else that massively bothered me is the ending. It felt very confused, so they’ve sealed the Daleks in the bunker but they’ll eventually get out. And what happens to the Thals? In the original story it’s said that there was a mass mutation, but there was no neutron bomb here. I know it’s said that there will be more mutations in the future but they don’t make that clear. Also, shouldn’t there be mass radiation everywhere? But there isn’t (except in the rocket, but don’t worry Sarah and Sevrin are fine!)

The ‘do I have that right scene’… it’s fine. It’s funny because the Doctor actually goes back to kill the embryos lol. But… thing is that wouldn’t have done anything since they are destroyed (not by the Doctor because the story can’t have the hero actually do the morally grey thing… well except make a disabled man asphyxiate, that’s fine). It seems the thing that would have destroyed the Daleks is that red button that Davros almost pushes before he’s definitely permanently killed. But that never seems to occur to the Doctor.

Okay, this is longer than I meant it to be. But basically, the story kind of plods along (like quite a few Terry Nation scripts), it has some interesting half-baked ideas (the war of attrition), over focus on dull characters (Gharman and the other Kaleds) and a REALLY ableist villain that I am glad never makes a return…

… right?

[randomfandomimagine]

Games With Trish: The Last of Us Part II

Granted, I didn’t actually play this myself but watched my brother play it instead. Still, I’m kind of glad he had the controller because the game looks so difficult and scary. Overall, I absolutely adored the game and it has so many good things. For that reason, I’ll say the bad things first since there are very few.

I know this game was very controversial, but this is my personal opinion and thoughts, not facts. Let me know your opinion if you want (as long as you’re kind and polite, please!). 

Long rant and spoilers under the cut!

Bad things

I have two main things to complain about in the game: the violence and its heavy emotional charge. Now, I don’t necessarily hate them because not only does it make sense that it’s a violent game taking place in a post-apocalyptic world where it’s kill or be killed, but it also goes along with the message of hate and revenge the game wants to tell. 

Still, the game gave me a lot of anxiety and I didn’t enjoy it as much as I could have for this reason. I averted my gaze a few times (when they break Yara’s arm being one of them) because it’s so brutal. I’m also a very sensitive person, so each time we played it was so tense and sad that I ended up exhausted. Every time a character died it was so harrowing... Abby’s Day 3 was so intense that I was a little overwhelmed, and Yara’s death was like the final straw and we had to take a break from the game. Characters also die so quickly, which is realistic, but it didn’t give you enough time to react before you were thrown into another scene or shootout. Between how frantic some scenes are and how brutal or tragic, I had to ask my brother to pause it a few times. The game really doesn’t give you a moment to breathe. That’s it, that’s my only complaint about the game. Now on to the good things.

Characters

First of all, and always my favorite thing about any story: the characters. Ellie is my all time favorite character, and even if I don’t agree with her choices and actions in this game, I can still empathize with her and love how complex and deep she is. She’s just human, and she is traumatized, so she does some questionable things.

Obviously, Troy Baker’s and Ashley Johnson’s performances are flawless, but Druckmann’s dialogues and writing is so... human. The characters interact like real people, they are spontaneous and natural, they have intimate moments of love, anger and a wide range of emotions. These characters fidget, frown, smile and have a myriad of human gestures (also improved with the amazing, mindblowing Naughty Dog graphics) that make them feel real. You can feel the emotion pour out of every gesture, every look, every expression.

I know Abby is also a controversial character but... I adore her. Of course we are meant to hate her at first, but the more time we spend with her, the more I grew fond of her even if I missed playing with Ellie. I couldn’t help but to admire Abby’s brute strength and bravery, even when she faces her fear of heights. When she tells her story, you understand her motivations as much as her actions hurt. Joel (like every character in this game and every person in that world) was not a good person, no matter how much we love him. Besides, at the end of the game it’s hard not to feel for Abby. She loses everyone as a direct result of her own revenge that she very much ends up regretting. When Ellie finds her at the end, it was hard to even tell that was Abby, I literally didn’t recognize her. So it was nice knowing that she found redemption and got her happy ending with Lev, her new family.

The side characters are all amazing. I was especially fond of Lev and Yara (Lev is an adorable little boy that must be protected, I just wanted to hug him) from Abby’s part and Dina and Jesse from Ellie’s part. I also loved Owen, Nora, Manny, Alice... everyone. Even Mel, who seems a bit more bland in comparison, has a defined personality. 

The plot

It is so well written, it makes so much sense, coherently and thematically, that I don’t understand some complaints. It’s also so compelling! People complain that Joel’s death made no sense and was just for shock value? It was a direct consequence of his actions at the end of the first game when he killed lots of people and literally doomed humanity out of selfishness. I still love Joel and I’m glad he saved Ellie, but this can’t be denied. Besides, the game deals a lot with the consequences of the characters’s actions, so it makes perfect sense to me.

Everything that happens in the plot and the story has a point. You kill lots of people as Ellie to avenge Joel, but then you get Abby’s point of view and grief the loss of those same characters. The game tries to make you feel for every person, which is why they all have names and their friends call out to them when they are shot. The main goal of the game was to get you to feel empathy for the ‘bad guys’. The point was that there are no good or bad guys in this story, only people with personal perspectives. Ellie and Abby are just two women who felt they were in the right. And in a way, they both were.

I just think the plot was coherent, with lots of interesting things, twists and surprises. Overall, it was realistic. There were no deus ex machinas, no crazy expectation subversions (because the twists were well established) and to me it felt like everything that happened had a meaning, as heart-crushing as it could be.

The themes

Now, this is one of my favorite things about the game. I read that Druckmann said that Ellie and Abby would have been friends in another life, and I agree. They are two sides of the same coin, or two different moments in the process of recovery from trauma and grief. 

Abby got her revenge and is dealing with the consequences of it, with the guilt and the rejection of those that don’t approve of her hate and resentment. When she got her revenge, she didn’t feel better (in fact she felt worse) so she does something good to change that. She literally returns to Yara and Lev to make amends for killing Joel, and in it she finds a new family. In the end, Abby actively choses not to do bad things anymore (even to the point of refusing to fight Ellie) and let go of that hatred.

Ellie is in the first stages of grief, needing to look for Abby until she kills her for what she did to Joel. There are some hardcore visceral moments that show the dark side of revenge, like when she finds Nora or attacks Mel and Owen. Even when Abby lets her go she still can’t forget about Joel’s death. It was a nice respite in the farm with Dina and JJ, but her guilt and PTSD don’t leave her and she has to go again. She is literally going through what Abby already lived, hence why she tells Ellie ‘I’m not doing this’ when they meet at the end of the game.

Ellie and Abby were on the same path even if they started on different places. Abby had done terrible things for Isaac as a Wolf but finds redemption when protecting Lev. Ellie mostly wanted to live a happy life until her father figure was taken from her. They meet common ground at some point and then go on their own paths again, which is why the game didn’t end on the theatre.

The first Last of Us was about love, but Part II is about hate. It speaks about how hatred and revenge never end, an eye for an eye and everyone will end up blind. The characters have to make conscious choices to avoid it ruining their lives even further and that’s why the ending is so good. More on that later.

Little things

The setting is incredible, it feels lived in and sometimes it’s absolutely gorgeous. Every place has a history and some of them are just so cool. The musem with the flashback of Joel and Ellie was one of my favorite places, as well as the aquarium. Also, the part of the game where you go to Ground Zero? Terrifying! I was freaking out only watching my brother play, and I’m impressed that they managed to make it feel so dark and ominous. It’s brilliant that they thought of putting something like that in the game, as scary as it was.

The game has so much attention to detail, from how you always find alcohol and scissors in places like kitchens or bathrooms to how accurate the animations are. I was blown away when I saw the trailer with how you crawl under cars and cock the guns and everything, and the game has so many details like those.

Even the AI was insane, NPCs have dialogues if you let them speak and they are so smart. They turn around in the middle of their walking, like real people would, and make it extra challenging. I was so impressed with the AI.

The music was phenomenal as usual. The score just pulls the correct emotions out of you, whether it is making you feel the adrenaline with the drums or feel nostalgic or just make you sad with the guitar.

The ending

Finally, the ending. I think many people didn’t like it, but to me it was perfect. I was so convinced that either Ellie or Abby were going to die, or both! I was relieved that they both lived, and in a way that made so much sense. To me it was a satisfying end to everything that had been set up, a coherent end to all the themes and the message that the game sent. Revenge is bad, let go of that hatred or it will consume you.

Ellie can’t kill Abby. She spent so long thinking about Joel in his last moments, about how she was helpless and couldn’t save him, and that fueled her anger and hatred. Her survivor’s guilt from the first game only got worst when it meant seeing her father figure die. Still, when she is about to kill Abby she thinks about him in a different way. She sees him fondly, with his jacket and coffee and playing guitar. She doesn’t see him bloody and dying as he was that dreadful day. That’s why she doesn’t kill Abby. 

Abby and Lev find Santa Catalina after everything they went through. IT’s Abby’s ‘reward’ for not going after Ellie again after what happened with Owen, Mel and everyone. They get their happy ending together as a family: Lev can be himself and feel safe even with everything that he loss, Abby can start forgiving herself for her guilt and honor both her father and Owen by returning to the Fireflies. She was lost in the darkness but found the light. It’s also symbolic that she isn’t as buff or has her long hair because she’s letting go of the reason why she had them.

Ellie lost everything. She couldn’t let go of her hatred and in doing so she was left completely alone, which was her worst fear. She risked everything and the only thing she had left, which was Dina (the representation of a happy life) is gone. It was also heartbreaking that she couldn’t even play guitar (as a guitar player myself and music lover, that hurt me profoundly) because she lost her fingers as a consequence of her attempt at revenge. 

I saw theories that Dina was actually waiting for her somewhere else because Ellie was wearing her bracelet, and I hope so too. It seems strange that Dina would abandon her dream of living in a farm if she was staying with Ellie, but I still want to hold on to that hope. I shipped those two so hard, and I really want Ellie to have a somewhat happy ending.

The last few minutes were beautifully tragic. Bittersweet. Ellie is alive, but leaves everything behind, all of her belongings (including Joel’s guitar) in order to move on. It was the only way she had to let go of her grief from Joel’s death and start a new life instead of repeating the vicious cycle of revenge. Just... powerful and moving.

Amazing lines and scenes

My brother knows me well and he said that my favorite scene would be the one in the museum with Ellie and Joel, and it probably is. It feels like a continuation of the first game and it’s a sweet father-daugther (parent-child and found family tropes are my weakness) moment in which Joel tries to make Ellie happy with the nerdy things he knows she loves. 

I also adore all the moments between Ellie and Dina. They are adorable and they just feel like a real couple, caring about each other and joking and flirting. 

All of the flashbacks were emotional and amazing, but my favorite is probably the last one. When Ellie tells Joel that she wants to forgive him? When he says ‘if I had another chance I would do it all over again?’ I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. I think that’s actually my favorite scene in the game.

Another one of my favorite lines was ‘hey, you’re my people’ from Abby to Lev. It’s so important and such a turning point for Abby, because if it weren’t for Lev she might have killed Ellie and Dina in the theater. She cares so much about him that she keeps going. And that line is the first moment we really see how much that kid meant to her.

Final thoughts

This was probably the longest rant I’ve written here, but The Last of Us was already my favorite game and Part II only topped it for me. The few bad things are greatly overpowered by the countless good things. The game just left a mark on me and I will never forget how it made me smile, laugh, gasp, cry, cringe in fear and overall... just feel in a way nothing had ever made me feel before.

[popculturebuffet]

The Jeffersons: Sorry, Wrong Meeting (Comission by WeirdKev27) (Black History Month)

Welcome on up! HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!  Yup i’m going to spend a good chunk of the month celebrating the best and brightest in black characters in animation, amid valentine’s coverage in the first half and a few bits of the usual stuff throughout. But i’m still throughly dedicated to showing off some of the finest media about black struggles and starring black characters, and going through it the best I can as a white dumbass. If I slip up or misinterpret something, never be afraid to call me on it, but I feel I can still try my best to honor these amazing characters who’ve brought such joy to my life and these wonderful stories.  So starting us off is a commission from Kev that’s been sitting in the queue for far too long. And it’s not due to lack of intrest: While before today I’d never seen an episode of the Jeffersons, I had seen the live performance of an episode done for that live with norman lear thing nbc did in 2019, and it was excellent and piqued my intrest. But with me never thinking to get the dvd’s, and not having Starz nor really wanting starz, there was no real easy way to stream it. But a few episodes were on DailyMotion, so I was fine with reviewing it for Kev and giving this series an honest try and the fact the episode dealt with white supremacy, at a time where we’d JUST gotten rid of a bigoted, white nationalist backing, piece of shit president, I was naturally all for it, I just never thought to clear space on my schedule and by the time I was scheduling things better, I purposfully saved it for this month as while the Klan isn’t as prominent, assholes like them sure are. And given the Captial Riots last month with sedionsits shitheads proudly waving the confederate flag around, I’d say this episode is even MORE relevant than ever. 

But before we can dive into why this one is so good, yeah i’m not going to hide it this is a really fantastic episode of television, we have to talk about the series itself. The Jeffersons was created by Norman Lear, a progressive and prolific television writer and producer who is a legend in the business for damn good reason. He created All in the Family, which shattered norms and standards for the time, and would go on to create Sanford and Son, Maude and Good Times, all to massive sucess. However this show came about because the Black Panthers showed up one day at his office to raise a valid point: While he did have black characters in his tv shows they were mostly poor and barely scraping by, with his two black lead sitcoms dealing with characters in object poverty. And while this was still a worthy subject to tackle.. they were absolutely right there should be a counterbalance to that, to show the obvious truth black people CAN be successful. Norman agreed and set to work. Norman already had the perfect lead for that: George Jefferson, an opinnated dry-cleaner with several sucessful stores. George was, and still is, a fascenating character with lairs: being cranky and curmodgenly as you’d expect with some fairly average sitcom quirks: He loves money, often overspends on flashy stuff to revel in his sucess, snarks at his maid and likes to scheme as a sitcom character can. He’s also in the early seasons a bigot himself, not really fond of white people or interacial marraige, which naturally makes living next to an interacial couple and their daughter marrying his son thorns in his side. But as far as I can tell from looking on wikipedia he does soften with time and grow as a person and by this episode he’s fine putting up with both his neighbor Tom, said guy married to a black woman and his goofy british neighbor, if snarky as hell because hey, that’s who he is. I bring this up for reasons related to the climax, trust me. 

So eventually the Jefferson's moved on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky, hell of a theme song, and got into their own adventures with the aforementioned supporting characters.. and so here we are. And after the cut we’ll take a look at just why this sitcom is awesome, why I desperately want to get some dvds for it at some point now or a starz trial, and how much the klan sucks. 

We open at the Jefferson’s Deluxe Apartment in the Sky. where his wife Wheezy and aforementioned maid Florence are preparing to take a CPR class.. which were that possible I certainly would after this episode, as I feel Florence is right in stating it’s a skill everyone should have. She also remarks that George had every employee at his drycleaners take it, even if it was because he got an insurance writeoff. But hey, doing something that can help your workers and customers in an emergency even if i’ts just to save money is sitll better than MOST businesses these days so props to him. There’s also naturally some banter and it’s really damn funny. As with my Darkwing Duck reviews,, I won’t be going into it bit by bit, but it’s good stuff and holds up REALLY well. To me that’s the mark of a good sitcom, one that can show it’s age.. but still make you laugh, think or cry all the same. So yeah in less than a scene the show had won me over.  So as the ladies depart for CPR class, George’s peace is soon interupted by Harry Bently, british person and wacky neighbor. Aka me if I were british and lived in the 70′s. He returns a tv guide, last weeks hence why he’s done with it, and ther’es some schtick and what not before Tom Willis runs in, upset because he’s been robbed. They took all his stuff, and while he’s thankfull his wife’s gone for the week so she didn’t have to be there for this, he’s obviously worried and suggests forming a building watch to prevent this, with Harry on board. George.. has no time for this nonsense, and after making a joke about Florence in curlers scaring them of, bredguringly agrees to attend if someone else starts it then slams the door on them once their out the door.  At CPR, our heroines volunteer enthusastically and meet the cpr dummy. resuscannie.. I don’t know how to spell that and frankly I don’t wanna because she is FUCKING terrifying. 

She looks like she’s going to come to life and strangle me. She looks like a hollowed out corpse doll a serial killer makes. She looks like something Charles lee ray would rnasfer into. She looks like Micheal Meyers grandmother. She looks like the corpse of Jason’s mom come back for revenge. She looks like sue sylvester transferred herself into an auton. Look I could go on, but the series does make jabs at the thing and most cpr dummies are objectively terrifying, so fair play to them. After some more gags, things.. take a turn. Part of what makes this episode so effective to me is this turn. It starts with, and even goes back to after this for a bit, some sitcom gags and cliches.. but it lulls you into thinking this will be an average episode... so when the instuctor asks two men to go next, an older man and his college age looking son refuse to participate.. and their reason is he refuses to touch anything tha’ts been touched by a ... well he uses a certain word and let’s just say you know what it is, I know what it it is and if I could’ve reached inside my computer and choked the life out of hte man, I fucking would’ve. 

Yeah turns out these two are KKK, with the older asshole leading the local chapter and their about as reasonable or likeable as you’d expect with Wheezy BARELY holding Florence back from giving them a well deserved thrashing, and only doing so because it’d both sink to their level and because they’d just use it as more fuel for their racist bullshit. And that’s WHY this works so well: It seems excactly like a normal episode.. until it suddenly isn’t. Until suddenly things are a lot darker, a lot more tense, but the easing into it means it still feels like the same unvierse. To me the good “very special episodes”, are the ones that use this: that ease into the heavy topic before punching you in the face with it and tackle it with nuance and skill. A Diffrent World has a TON of episodes like this, and it’s why it’s one of my faviorite sitcoms: it tackles a lot of really heavy topics with  a steady brush and while it can be heavy handed, sometimes heavy hands are necesary to carry a heavy topic.  The racists showing up suddenly also fits because Racists hide in plain sight. You don’t know someone you know is prejudice or some stranger is till they reveal themselves. They could show up any time anywhere and you can’t be ready. And I cant possibly claim to know what that’s like, but I’m sad that in this nation of ours this shit has never, and probably will never go away. So it fits that our antagonist shows up out of nowhere, having until now perfectly blended in with the other suited white guys in the class. Naturally, the instructor orders them to fucking leave and naturally klan monster makes some big white suprimacist speil. And being a sitcom he runs into Tom, with Tom mistaking him for talking abotu the crime and White Supremacist mistaking Tom for a fellow racist. Tom decides to invite george.. and while it’s clumsily framed as a wacky sitcom misunderstanding.. it’s very clear things just got VERY dangerous. 

Speaking of George he’s awoken from his nap by the ladies who are both still worried and while he goes into his usual digs on florence, and questions why she needs her bat... he instnatly sides with her and prepares to go kick some racist ass once he finds out what happened. It’s a nice shift, as it once again breaks the tranquil normalcy of this sitcom with the violence of racisim. And while there was no phsyical violence form the asshole.. to me racisim itself is still a form of violence. Thinking you are suprerior to another race just because your skin’s a diffrent color and wanting them gone or not to be near you is in itself violent to me. And while Wheezy again has good reason for holding George back, tihs is just what the fuckers want, Geroge is also right: right NOW it’s talk.. but how long before they start burning stuff on thier balcony or come for htem in the night? there’s.. no easy answer her, no easy solution.. just a man fearing for his life justifably whose probably been through this time, and time, and time again, dealt with his buisnesses being vandalized and his life being threatend and probably been beaten some too JUST for being a black business owner. So it’s understandable he’s fucking fed up and just wants them gone. Tom naturally invites him to the meeting., and harry agrees, botht hinking i’ts just a floor meeting and not a disguised KKK Rally. 

So at the meeting, the KKK Fuck does his spiela nd tries to assure them that “what you’ve heard about us is wrong”. And again this si part of what makes the episode resonate: guys like this try to make themselves seem resonable. THat “Their not racist” their the right ones and your wrong for wanting equality. It’s why these movements gain traction, they tap into people’s inner ugliness and disastifaction with life and give them an easy target for it. It’s what the president did for four years, i’ts what his sycophants at fox news CONTINUE to do: try and present being a racist, homophobic, xenophobic peace of shit as a viable and stable option when all it makes you is a racist , a coward and a dinosaur who can’t accept change or things difffrent than you.  When this guy eventually goes into a rant, as George showing up triggers it and Tom and Harry dont’ take his shit for as econd, with tom proudly mentioning his black wife, and both holding George back for the same reasons Wheezy did with Florence, he talks abotu them “taking our property and destroying our homes”.. and it all sounds EERILY like when Tucker Carlson went on about property damage during the black lives matter protests last year... and as a wise tucan in a suit once said, fuck you tucker. And as John didn’t say but I certainly will, I Hope you choke on your own spray tan you racist seditionist prick. My point is this sort of rhetoric, trying to frame black people as the enemy.. never fucking went away and is on cable news every night. It was in our white house for four long years. It won’t go away and probably never will and everyone of every race has to be on guard to find these pricks and make sure their message is drowned out with love. And that’s what makes this whole thing relevant: that these pricks hide in plain sight and mask their arugments with civlities.. but at the end of day are just hateful monsters who just want a scapegoat for their problems or even may just hate because it’s easy, or because they just wnat to and don’t need an excuse to be the worst human garbage imaginable. 

It makes what happens next all the better: Asshole has a heart attack, HORAY, and no one knows CPR since the kid walked out on the class with his dad before they actually learned it. George relucntantly sighs.. and knows what he has to do. He goes and saves the fuckers life. And that, friends, is why I brought up George’s racist past and i’m glad I knew about it giong in: because it shows how far he’s come. From hating white people.. to saving the WORST of the WORST of white people.  He regrets it of course, saying the guy should’ve died, and that he won’t be greatful and he’ll just keep on hating.. but his friends point out the truth: George was the bigger man. He saved the life of a man who hated him just for existing and who’d gladly have him lynched if he could and was trying to run him out of his rightful place in the building, because it was the right thing to do. Because that fucker sure as hell wouldn’t. Because despite being a monster.. it’s still a life.. and he can waste it however he pleases.. but he’ll now ALWAYS know a black man saved it. George may regret his decison.. in the dark, where no body would blame him for letting the fucker die or even know he could’ve saved him until he got home, and his wife would’ve barely blamed him, he still choose to save the worst of humanity proving depsite his curmodgnley nature, he’s some of the best of it.  It dosen’t change the asshole, he leaves on a gurney telling his son “You should’ve let me die”. George is unsuprised and leaves with his friends. And I do like this: the racist dosen’t MAGICALLY change because he’s saved by a black man, he’s still a fucking monster. And that is what sets him apart from George: Whiel George was a bigot, he not only never went as far as this monster, but he changed. He learned to let go of his hate as it was eating him alive, and while he certailnly and rightfully won’t let go of his resintment for white people, he’s accepted he can’t hate ALL of them for what some did to him. This asshole has no such excuse and no such growth, he probably died being the same miserable piece of shit he was , resenting forever a black man saved him. And that’s hwo it should end.. youc an’t save everyone and you can’t change a person that dosen’t want to. George changed only because he wanted to and he realized he was wrong evne if he’s loath to admit it. This guy wont’ and never will becuse some racist pieces of shit just will never accept the truth that all people were created equal.

His son though clearly has, thanking George before he leaves, and later as the rest of the meeting, realizing what these people are and what they plan on, leave as the assholes right hand man tries to continue said son refuses to acknowlegde him rips up the poster and leaves. See the old man not changing worked.. but so too does this.. showing some simply dont’ know better and some CAN change.. but like George.. they have to WANT to change. Only you can change you. And hopefully it’s for hte better. 

This episode was excellent as i’ve made clear, and I don’t have honestly much to add to it. It was a pleasure and black lives matter. 

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 15

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark casual reminder: this story is r o u g h. themes of rape, kidnapping, power imbalances, etc.. This story does not depict healthy or safe relationships. Trigger warning for blood. 

Steve could tell she didn't remember when she woke up. It was still dark and she was cocooned between them, her body not even touching the bed but instead splayed across theirs. Her legs had tangled with his during the night, one hitched over his thigh while the other brushed against his shin, squished between him and Bucky. She was mostly laid out across his torso, flat on her stomach with her head rested in the crook of his neck. Her lips nearly brushed his skin every time she breathed, soft, sleepy sounds escaping. 

Several precious moments went by, where she didn't tense up or try to pull away. She curled her neck down, forehead brushing his skin like she wanted to burrow into his chest and tucked her arms closer to her torso, fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake as she shifted. 

It was a small, squeaky mewing from the end of the bed that caused her reaction. Her movements stopped all at once, her breathing freezing in her lungs. The cats, of course, served as a reminder of the night before. After all, they’d been a supplication gift. 

An “oh sorry we made you throw up three times because we tortured a man in front of you” present. “Remember that time you watched me systematically brutalize another human being? Take some cats while we pretend we didn’t do anything wrong.” 

He felt how hard she swallowed in the short, jerky movements that followed, as she remembered Rumlow’s screams with every hit. His eyes had swollen completely shut over the course of the hour, blood was pouring from his mouth where teeth had become entirely dislodged and then, of course, he’d gone and ripped the man’s finger off completely. 

It began again all at once, with Penny shoving against his chest so hard she practically threw herself off the bed. She teetered on the edge for several seconds in panic before visibly deciding to fall rather than reach for help. A slow sigh escaped Steve at the resulting thud; they were back to step one, where she was so afraid that she abandoned any concern for her safety. Their bed could’ve just as easily been the one in the spare room several floors away, the scene played out just the same, if short a bit of violence. Steve went to the end of the bed just the same, only for her to pop up on her own accord before he could help her. 

It was like any and all progress had been erased. Penny’s eyes were darting around the room, searching for any possible escapes. She almost stumbled over her own feet in her haste to back away from him, arms out to her sides for both balance and to keep him at a distance as he approached. 

“Penny, doll—”

“P-Please, please I’ll be better,” Bucky had sat up by this point, the blanket pooled over his waist, face twisting upon hearing Penny’s whimpering, “I can do better, I swear.” 

When Buck stood up, a keening cry escaped her and her back hit the wall from trying to prevent them from getting too close, "wait, please! Wait, just wait, please! Please, please!" 

Please became a much more important facet of her vocabulary when she was trying to Be Sweet. Usually it was when she didn't know how to make them happy, when she didn't know what behavior constituted as breaking the rules. He knew she didn't necessarily care about them being happy, she was trying anything she could to avoid punishments. It would've been cute if it weren't accompanied by tears and violent, fearful shaking. Steve stopped approaching, motioning for Bucky to do the same, and held his hands up placatingly. 

"Take a deep breath, Penny," he ordered gently, "try to rationalize baby. We haven't been aggressive, haven't done anything that would make you think we're angry. Just try to think, Penny, you're not in any danger, we're not going to hurt you, you're safe here." 

There was a visible fight or flight reaction. Her muscles locked and both Steve and Bucky had to immediately drop into defensive stances—Penny chose fight 9 times out of 10 with no hesitation or forethought. She had a tendency to get the drop on them too, just because her movements were always so brutal. Whoever taught Penny self-defense must’ve put a lot of emphasis on disabling an attacker and disengaging from the situation, because she wanted to cause as much bodily damage as possible. It was actually almost impressive but neither of them was looking to receive a cock shot any time soon.

“Penny, you don’t have to be better,” Bucky implored quietly, staying far across the room just in case he needed to play back up to Steve in the event of violence, “we know how stressful this is for you, precious. You’re going through a really hard time.” 

Steve was quick to nod in agreement, “you’re so scared baby, let us help you. Let us take care of you. That’s all we want.” 

Her dark eyes darted between them for several prolonged seconds, face crumbling as she did so before she burst into tears. She slid down the wall, coming to rest in a crumpled pile on the floor. Both soldiers immediately advanced, dropping down to the ground on either side of her and simultaneously engulfing her in their arms. Please, please, please. She was just repeating the words over and over through sobs, her hands shaking as she held them in front of her, elbows curled against her sides. It was a defenseless position, one that desperately sought space and projected don’t touch me, stop touching me, let go.

"Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh," Steve's lips brushed her temple, both his and Bucky's hands running over any skin they could find. 

She'd never admit it, never tell them, but the skin to skin contact was immediately successful. She'd resigned to quietly crying, spread across both of their laps. Steve carefully shifted her to lay chest to chest with him, catching the mass of her curly hair to fall away from her face. 

"I hate how scared you are baby," he murmured after a few moments, the three of them comfortably settled in a pile, "we don't want you to be upset. All we want is for you to be happy, Penny doll. We want to make you happy, for you to be happy."

The skin contact was brutally unfair; Penny was touch starved in an almost incapacitating way. Her skin was on fire from the sensations of their hands, her brain flooding with happy chemicals despite how much she hated them. She didn't want to be touched. They were monsters among men but somehow she leaned in anyway, absorbing the body heat. Her cheek brushed Steve's bare chest, eyes slipping shut at the sensation of his skin beneath hers. 

She’d been scared for ages now. Fear had permeated her entire existence since the moment she’d searched for Tony Stark online, her heart beat with a steady thrum of underlying terror at all times. The fear had been real when she’d woken up in the Tower when the soldiers’ purpose was revealed and when she realized Stark had taken Peter. It had gone effete to a degree, the intensity depleting with the consistency. 

This fear was different. It was overwhelming and all-encompassing. Tony Stark was dangerous and powerful and she’d been so, so afraid of him. She’d been afraid of his power over everyone he came in contact with, the overwhelming control he seemed to have over his world and everything in his orbit. But her fear of the soldiers was worse. Never in her life had there been such a dire and immediate threat to her safety. She was literally wrapped in the arms of men who would rip a man’s finger off and shove it into his mouth. To prove a point. They would do that just to prove a point.  

What if they got sick of her fighting them? What would they do when their infatuation with her wore off? She knew very clearly that Peter was the prime target in this whole situation, that she was the equivalent of a kid's toy and could be thrown away with the same level of apathy. She, personally, was not safe and it had honestly never been so clear to her before. 

Peter was going to be alone, after everything she did to make sure he wouldn't be. Paul and Olivia would've taken care of him, would've loved him like a little brother just like she had. Penny had no delusions; she was going to die and Peter was going to live surrounded by monsters for the rest of his life. 

She'd failed him, in the worst possible way, Penny had failed him. 

Bucky carefully arranged Penny to rest completely on Steve, standing up and walking to the bed to collect the weighted blanket they’d brought out the night before. The blond helped him arrange it around her, cocooning her in the fabric. She was covered in goosebumps but felt like she was burning up, a shiver went down her spine and her teeth clenched together to prevent them from chattering. Over her head, the soldiers spoke with nothing more than facial expressions and minute hand gestures. Small sighs escaped both of them and Steve arched his neck to rest his forehead against the crown of her hair. 

“I’m gonna stay home with you today, okay precious?” He murmured, “We’ll rest, play with the kittens. Do your plants need to be watered?” 

Penny felt like her bones were expanding under her skin, pressing out and out and out until they burst through her flesh and ripped her entire body to pieces— a hair raising sensation that almost equaled the substantial level of unrelenting terror she felt at the thought of being alone with Steve all day long. Did they forget she’d watched him rip a man’s finger off about twelve hours ago? Because she had. She was almost sure she’d seen it. 

But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what happened, because they didn’t care. They didn’t care how she felt, how her stomach was twisting into such tight knots she felt like she’d never eat again. Nothing about her mattered to them beyond a surface level obsession. 

“Ss... some of.. them,” the words barely escaped, a desperate attempt to placate the psychopaths surrounding her with a response; she had to make them happy. She had to make them happy or she was literally going to die. 

She didn’t see the glance exchanged over her head, the sad expression on Steve’s face; her eyes were wide open, moving even but she was hardly saw anything but blurs. Between the tears and the near mental breakdown, she was blind to the way both men seemed almost lost. 

“How about we go make breakfast,” Steve asked softly, getting to his feet and carefully setting Penny on hers, his hands on her hips to keep her steady. 

A jerky nod was his only response and Bucky sighed a little, leaning over to kiss her forehead before heading into the bathroom; Steve might be staying home, but he’d need to get into the ‘office’ by about 9 A.M. to prevent Tony from pitching a fit. He’d take over the blond’s work for the day, some internal investigation Steve had been working on. His interrogations could always wait— if there was one thing he and Stark agreed on, it was that anticipation was its own form of torture.

Rumlow would need several days to stew before he and Steve returned. That was the kind of anticipation Bucky really like causing. A bone deep chill that grew worse and worse with each passing hour, until the victim was a shivering mass curled up on the floor. His lips twisted as he stepped out of the shower and quickly dressed in work clothes. Usually he liked causing that kind of anticipation, but the image in his head replayed Penny sliding down the wall bawling, over and over. Their poor girl was a mess and it was at least 30% their fault. 

Sure, Tony was largely at fault and Peter had a hand in it all, no matter how unwittingly. And Penny had proved she obviously needed a lesson. But seeing her so scared hurt his heart, especially since he had a part in causing it. 

It was hard knowing that Penny didn't believe how much they adored her. They'd waited a hundred years for her, endured countless agonies and survived it all, and somehow were found worthy of finding their doll at the end of it. Fate had tried to keep them from her, had tried everything to prevent them from their happy ending, and fate had failed. She was their supplication present, sent by whatever monsters had put them through hell for so long, and they adored her. 

They'd known from the beginning, when they made their decision to take her, that Penny's acceptance would take a lot of time and effort on their part. The constant rejections were frustrating and depressing but they could handle it. That didn't mean they wouldn't do anything in their power to shorten the time and suffering. It was likely time to call in the big guns. 

"JARVIS, tell everyone I need a meeting during lunch today," he sighed, pulling his hair back into a bun, "we need some strategic assistance." 

"I'll alert you once I have received responses, Sargeant." 

"Thanks buddy," Bucky replied absently, adjusting his shirt sleeves as he stepped out of the bathroom and into their room. 

His ears picked up the sound of shattering glass as he approached the living room, stopping him in his tracks. Anxiety flooded the entire apartment, tension rising up to choke him.

"I d-didn't mean to," Penny's voice was hardly more than a whisper, Bucky wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't doubled timed it to the kitchen as soon as he regained control. 

The sink was still running behind her while she faced Steve at the oven, wet, soapy hands still held out at her waist where she'd been holding the glass now broken on the tile. Her eyes were locked on the floor, pupils blown wide with terror.

"Penny—" 

"I'm sorry!" Penny dropped to her knees immediately, brutally shredding her skin and reaching out to begin sweeping the glass into a pile with her hands, "I'll clean it, I'm sorry!" 

Bucky blew past Steve, shoes crunching over the glass as he scooped Penny off the floor and deposited her onto the counter. Her blood was smeared over the white tile, a nearly nauseating sight to the soldiers. The blond had already darted off for the first aid kit and come back, easily battling away Penny's attempts to keep him from touching her wounds. 

"JARVIS, call for Dr. Banner immediately!" 

"Dr. Banner is en route with the emergency kit." 

"Penny, baby— Jesus baby, why did you do that? JARVIS, open the apartment door so Dr. Banner can get in once the elevator arrives."

"Please, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed, "I lost my grip, I swear! I didn't mean to, please—"

"We know, baby, we know!" Bucky cooed, trying with Steve to carefully restrain her flailing limbs and steady her head without making her feel trapped, blood covering their hands, "it was an accident baby, it's okay! Steve?"

He has gauze in hand and was trying to clean her knees without pressing the glass further into her skin, "come on baby, stay still for me." 

"Penny you've got to calm down before Dr. Banner gets here or we'll have to give you a sedative so he can clean your wounds, do you understand?" Bucky caught her chin in his flesh hand, trying to ignore the sight of the blood he smeared over her chin and cheek. 

Penny visibly tried to reel herself in, sobs coming out in bubbling breaths and her entire body shaking. The soldiers carefully cooed around her as she quieted, bloody hands running over her bare skin. She was streaked red, her legs and neck and face. It looked like she’d been assaulted, all bloody and small and trembling. The elevator dinged and Bruce quickly made his way in to the kitchen, shouldering them both out of his way.

“JARVIS told me what happened,” he stated, setting the emergency kit next to Penny on the counter, “Penny, sweetheart, try to take deep breaths, okay? I need you to be still.” 

“She’s trying,” Bucky snapped, hand wrapping around to cup the back of her neck. 

“She’s already calmed down a lot, Bruce,” Steve stepped in before his boyfriend could get anymore heated, “just give her a second, I think it’s the adrenaline.” 

Bucky sighed and glanced over at the doctor remorsefully, “sorry Bruce. I’ll clean up the glass.” 

But when the brunet tried to pull away, Penny let out a sharp cry and latched onto his arm. A whine of pain followed, the movement pushing glass further into her hands, but she tightened her grip anyway. She was saying something, but the words were Hebrew and none of the men understood what she was trying to say. 

“Shit, it’s okay doll,” he scooped Penny up into his arms and walked over to the kitchen table, swinging a chair out and settling into it with her on his lap, “here baby, let me hold you.” 

The elevator dinged once again, this time revealing Stark and, surprisingly, Pepper, meaning JARVIS must've either left the door open after Bruce came in, or Tony has used his override. Steve did what Bucky called the ‘confused puppy’ head tilt but was waved off by the pair as they walked into the kitchen. Both were dressed to the nines, likely for some sort of press conference. Pepper was one of the only people who could properly reign Tony in and regularly made a point of showing up to supervise him during press events. The soldiers hadn’t even been aware she’d gotten back from her most recent business trip.

“JARVIS said we had an accident,” Tony came to crouch in front of Penny with Bruce, eyes scanning over her knees and outstretched hands, “oh, angel, you did a number on yourself didn’t you?” 

Quiet, hiccuping cries continued to to escape Penny but she gave no other response. She hadn’t even acknowledged Stark’s presence, which just emphasized how distraught she was; Penny was hypervigilant around Tony 90% of the time. 

“Poor thing,” Pepper sighed, hand rested on her forehead, “we need to get a psychiatrist in here.” 

Penny yelped loudly when Bruce dug a small piece of glass from her knee, jerking against Bucky’s hold unintentionally, “I’m not that kind of doctor.” 

“We know, we know,” Tony brushed his words off, standing up and dragging a hand over his beard, “get someone on it, Pep. We’ve got to get going or we’ll be late, Rogers—”

“I’m staying home with her today, Buck’ll go in once she calms down,” the blond cut him off before he could finish. 

The older man nodded, leaning over to press a kiss to Penny’s forehead before standing up, “I’ll be back later, we’ve got a press conference.” 

The pair exited just as quickly as they’d entered, Pepper giving JARVIS orders while Tony talked incessantly at her. It was the kind of dynamic that to a stranger looked like regular behavior, but the soldiers and Bruce knew it revealed their discomfort; Pepper made very polite requests to JARVIS, always, because she knew how annoying it was to have orders barked at her and Tony didn’t speak over her, out of a sense of respect he only had very a select few people. They weren’t sure if it was Penny’s current state, or the press event they were likely on their way to, or both, but Tony and Pepper were definitely distraught.

“You’re doing very well, Penny,” Bruce spoke quietly as he moved from her right knee to her left knee, having successfully removed all of the glass, “there’s not too much in this one, it’s just a little deeper. Just squeeze Bucky’s hands when it hurts, okay?” 

The trembling brunette nodded, still hiccuping every few seconds. It took a good half hour for Bruce to get all of the glass out and after double checking his work three separate times, he finally bandaged her up. Sitting in her panties and an oversized henley in Bucky's lap, with bandages on her hands and knees, she lookes like a little girl who'd fallen while playing outside. It was almost like when Steve had been so small, when Bucky could still cradle him in his lap. His arms squeezed around her waist and he kissed the back of her head softly. 

"Alright Penny, we're finished," Bruce gave her a smile and stood up, handing off some sterile packaging to Steve to be thrown away, "just keep an eye out for signs of infection, change the bandages regularly, and you'll be good to go." 

"Thanks for coming, Bruce," the blond sounded just as sad as he felt as he led him out towards the open front door and into the hallway that held the elevator. 

"The emotional trauma will recede, Steve," Bruce put a hand on the taller man's shoulder, "she's going to be okay, humans are incredibly adaptable. You just have to keep pressing." 

"It's just hard when she's so sad," Steve sighed, "we knew she would be scared, but I hate that we're making her sad." 

"That's because you're a good person," Bruce's face cracked into a crooked smile, "now, go comfort her." 

[strangerivy]

The Beginning - Fourteen

Summary:  After the events at the school, Kacy spends the weekend in bed and ignoring Stiles but Stiles is persistent. Warnings: Swearing | Violent Depictions Pairings: Stiles Stilinski x Original Character (Kacy) Genre: 18+ | Fluff | Angst Word Count: 2.6k Author’s Note: I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, please let me know what you think! I’m always open to feedback! I anticipate there are about 7 to 9 more chapters to ‘The Beginning’ and then I will be starting on the next part to this series ‘Monster in the Night’.  😊

|| One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Masterlist ||

The school closed for obvious reasons, giving us a four-day weekend. A very appreciated four-day weekend. For three days I did not leave my room except for food and well… that is it. My mom came and checked up on me a few times even sat in silence with me once for over an hour while I stayed buried beneath my blankets.

Scott mostly stayed in his room as well, I would occasionally hear a loud sigh or groan in frustration but other than that he was quiet. He did leave Allison a few messages though. I honestly do not blame her for needing a break, hell, even I wanted a break. I did feel bad for him though, anyone could see how much he loved her, how much he cared.

I sighed as the sun shined through my window. My body still feeling exhausted from the lack of sleep, from waking up in a cold sweat at some point in the night from a nightmare.

I pulled the covers further up so nothing, but the top of my head and half my face was showing. If I had it my way, I would remain in this bed for the remainder of the weekend but as history has shown us, I rarely get things my way. A knock at my door dragged me from my thoughts as I stared at it.

I heard it open slowly and Scott enters my sight kneeling down to be eye level with me. I asked him what he wanted but it came out as muffled noises from the comforter. He snorted pulling the cover down enough to see my mouth.

“What do you want?” I repeated

“Just wanted to check in on you before I go,” He said, I squinted my eyes at him

“Where are you going?” I questioned, He sighed running a hand through his hair, sitting down completely on the floor now.

“Allison wants to talk,” He answered after a few moments. I bit my lip knowing this was not good,

“Scott-”

“Don’t say it,” He pleaded slowly standing up from the bed walking towards my door. I sat up quickly as he was halfway out

“Scott!” I yelled he paused his hand gripping my doorframe tightly waiting for me “I love you, you know,” He nodded his head softly and his shoulders slumped, I really hated seeing him like this.

“I love you too Kac,” He whispered before leaving down the hall and out of the house. I slumped back against my pillows hearing my phone buzz. I looked over at it, the screen was faced down. I hadn’t looked at the phone for two days, avoiding my own problems.

I had yet to talk to Stiles since his dad dropped Scott and me off at home that night. I plugged my phone in and ignored it. It, of course, buzzed what felt like non-stop all of yesterday and had a little bit today. I knew it was Stiles maybe a couple from Allison but mostly Stiles.

It's not that I don’t want to talk to him, its that I don’t want to talk about what happened. I knew it would just hurt. Nothing changed. He still didn’t know what he wanted; he was just… saving everyone’s life from a teenage girl who happened to be a werewolf. It buzzed once again causing me to groan and reach over and grab it.

4 missed calls 20 Unread Messages

I rolled my eyes at his instance, the was persistent, I'll give him that much. I scrolled through the messages.

Stiles Stilinski Friday 11:00 AM

Kac, you awake?

Stiles Stilinski Friday 2:48 PM

Kac, we need to talk. Please answer me.

Stiles Stilinski Saturday 12:28 PM

I swear if you don’t answer I’m going to come over there.

Stiles Stilinski Saturday 12:48 PM

Okay so maybe I won’t, seeing as my dad has me trapped in the house. But please answer Kac.

I groaned setting the phone back down leaving his messages unanswered. If I avoid the problem, it will go away. Of course, I knew that would actually never work, especially when the problem was Stiles Stilinski. He would never go away, he would never allow it. I sighed walking over to my backpack pulling out some homework. Needing something to keep my mind off of well, everything.

A few hours passed when I heard the front door shut and loud footsteps storm down the hall and into Scott's room. I counted down in my head and right on cue, he burst through the bathroom door.

“That bad?" I asked turning to face him in my chair. I rest my head on the back of the chair. He raised an eyebrow at me looking over at my bed and then back at me. I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I got out of the bed,” I turned back in my chair going back to my homework.

“We’re taking a break,” He muttered after a few moments of silence. I sighed dropping my head before turning back around looking up at him.

“You okay?” He scoffed at the question, walking over to the bed plopping down on it. He rests his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands.

“No, I just-” I tilted my head waiting for him to finish “I just wish none of this was happening,” I let out of a laugh throwing my head back.

“Yeah me too,” I admitted, a car horn came from outside and I looked up at my window. It was now dark out and I raised a questioning look at Scott.

“It’s Stiles,” He answered my unasked question standing up from the bed, “He’s uh taking me out somewhere,”

I nodded my head turning back to my work, “Well, be careful,”

“Do you want to come?” He offered though I could tell in his voice he was just asking to be polite; a small smile tugged at my lips but I shook my head. He knew I didn't want to see Stiles, even if I wouldn't say it out loud.

“No, go have some guy time.” He walked over giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze before walking out the door shutting it softly behind him. I let out a sigh before getting back to work finding it harder to concentrate than before.

My alarm woke me up the next morning and I quickly shut it off laying back at bed staring at the ceiling. The first day back at school and I didn’t want to do anything but stay in this bed. If it wasn’t for big Chemistry test today I would have played hooky. My grades were the only good thing it seemed that I had going for me right now, somehow managing to have straight A's while juggling being a werewolf.

I let out a big sigh before forcing myself to sit up and going into the bathroom to get ready. I heard Scott's alarm go off only for it to be quickly shut off. I heard my mom’s voice before getting in the shower.

I got dressed in some black skinny jeans with holes in the knees and a dark green short sleeve shirt. I pulled on my zip up hoodie as Scott walked into my room.

“You almost ready?” He asked looking at me through the mirror. I sighed looking back at him through the mirror.

“It’s a full moon tonight,” I whispered, he frowned slightly

“I know,” He whispered, I slipped on my vans reaching down to grab my bag as we head to school.

I parted ways with Scott as we entered the school not wanting to run into Stiles. My first couple of classes went well, considering it was insanely hard to focus on them. The sway of the full moon already taking its effect. My mind starting to play tricks on me. My phone went off in between classes and I pulled it out looking at it.

Scott McCall Monday 10:05 AM

How are you doing?

Kacy McCall Monday 10:07 AM

Okay, having a hard time focusing

I walked into my next class taking a seat my phone buzzing again

Scott McCall Monday 10:09 AM

I had a panic attack.

I frowned at the text going to reply

“Ms. McCall please put your phone away,” I sighed slipping it into my pocket pulling out my pencil ready to take my test. I silently cursed Scott for mentioning this now, right before. At least lunch was after this.

I entered the cafeteria looking around for Scott but couldn’t find him. I spotted Allison sitting with Jackson.

“There you are!” the sudden voice breaking me from staring, Stiles appeared next to me throwing an arm around my shoulders to try and stop me from running. I could have easily broken out of his grasp but I want of not wanting to cause a scene was stronger.

“Stiles,” He led us over to an empty table sitting down “Fancy seeing you here,”

“Right, as if you hadn’t been avoiding me?” He smiled up at me seeing right through me. I sighed sitting down next to him my body instantly tensing up.

“Sorry,” I grumbled with a frown stabbing my fork into my salad. I could feel his stare as I took a large bite of my salad, the tension between the two of us was so thick a spoon could have cut it. I felt more anxious then usual, my senses starting to go into overdrive as the voices in the cafeteria were going to swallow me whole.

“Kac,” I brought my attention back to Stiles, raising an eyebrow at him in question. He rolled his eyes shaking his head.

“You didn’t hear a word I said,” He muttered

“Sorry,” I grumbled again, he dropped his fork a bit over-dramatically at my second apology

“Will you stop saying sorry!” He shouted loud enough for just the two of us, my eyes widened, and I bit my lip as my mind wanted to auto-respond with another apology. He sighed picking up his fork pushing his food around resting his head on his free hand.

“Look,” His voice lowered but he didn’t meet my eyes just stayed focus on his untouched food, “Scott is already having a hard time and I just wanted to check up on you.” He admitted with a grumble, I went back to my food taking another bite

“Why?” I deadpanned and his mouth dropped as if it was the most obvious answer, which it was, in a sense. I was one of his best friends, of course, he would want to check on me, but this wasn’t because of that. That much was obvious.

My anger flared up a bit and I shut my eyes focusing on chewing my food in an attempt to calm down. God, I was on edge today.

“Stiles,” I opened my eyes turning to look at him, he glanced up at me before taking a small bite of his food, he nodded his head slightly to show he was listening. “Why do you keep kissing me?” He nearly choked on his food, grabbing his napkin to cough into.

“What?” He asked once he regained his composure, eyes wide. I turned to face him more looking him dead in the eyes.

“Why do you keep kissing me,” I asked again dragging out the sentence for him to grasp it, he scoffed shaking his head.

“No, I don’t.” He denied but I couldn't help but notice the slight shade of pink that spread across his cheeks, I tilted my head furrowing my brows

“Yes, you do.” I looked away taking another bite trying to stay calm, “It was you who kissed ME on the first full moon-“

“Well, that was to stop you from changing,”

“Then there was the other night,”

“Again, to stop you from changing,”

“Right.” I shook my head and grabbed my tray going to stand up, but he was quick to grab my wrist stopping me.

“Kac, don’t go,” He whispered, I let out a small sigh, I leaned down close to him.

“Give me a reason not to,” I whispered looking him dead in the eye, he stared back his gaze flickering to my lips and back to my eyes pulling his lower lip into his teeth. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to make a decision, trying to find something to say. I let out another sigh dropping my gaze. “That’s what I thought,” I whispered before walking away from his grip dropping from my wrist letting me leave this time.

I moved quickly out of the cafeteria heading to my next class. The rest of the school dragged on and for the first time, I was excited for the end of the school day, ready to get home. So ready, that I almost skipped going to Scott’s Lacrosse practice.

I took my spot on the bleachers and the team shortly filed out of the school. Scott looked up at me giving a nodded as him and Stiles took a seat on bleachers getting their helmets on.

“Hey what happened?” Stiles asked Scott my ears perked up curious to the conversation.

“What?” Scott asked clearly confused, there was something different in his voice though, something off. I tried to look like I couldn’t hear but they were so close it was hard not to.

“What do you mean what? Did you ask her?” He asked I sucked in a breath now tuning out their voices not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. He had Scott ask Lydia. I scoffed shaking my head turning my attention to the players on the field.

Scott and Stiles quickly joined, and the coach started drills. He had offense line up having them run drills to get past the defense and take shots. Scott was up next, and I could see the tension from the bleacher flowing off him.

The coach yelled at him to go and he started running the field and two defense players charged him knocking him to the ground.

“Guess some people don’t appreciate your new status McCall,” The couch taunted with a laugh leaning over him “Who’s next?” He stood up turning back to the line blowing his whistle. Scott easily jumped back to his feet grabbing his stick off the ground. Stiles went to go but Scott stopped him, I raised an eyebrow in confusion as Scott stared Stiles down taking the ball getting in position to run the drill again.

I stood up feeling the shift in his stature. His emotions were taking control. He charged the defense, knocking the first playing to the ground and then the second, and then when Danny, the goalie, went to stop him, he knocked him in the face with his stick scoring a shot. I covered my mouth as Danny stayed on the ground.

“Danny!” Someone shouted as the team ran over to him. I stepped down from the bleachers and Stiles was talking to Scott.

“Now everybody’s going to hate you,” I heard Stiles say to Scott who scoffed

“I don’t care,” He stated with a smug look

“What the hell Scott,” He turned rolling his eyes as I walked up, I stared back at him confused. Why was he giving me so much attitude? Was the full moon already taking that much effect on him?

“Whatever,” He said before walking off the field as practice was over now due to Danny’s injure.

“I’m going to kill him,” I heard Stiles grumble, I furrowed my brows looking up at him following his gaze over to Lydia who was fixing her smudged lipstick.

“Why?” I asked turning my attention back to him, he looked at me biting his cheek before walking off as well leaving me confused on the field.

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