#it happened 8 hours ago.
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panic attacks inherently ruining your ability to recognize that you are having a panic attack is funny.
#'my limbs suddenly feel warm and tingly and sort of disconnected and my back hurts with how tense my muscles are and—wait a fucking minute'#thanks brain. did we get the threat. did we effectively identify and analyze it. or am i just going to be jittery for the next 8 hours#related: i hate yelling so much.#i was not even involved in the yelling i could just hear it#it happened 8 hours ago.#number one way to get me to check out mentally goodbye i am unavailable for the next 3-48 hours#after which i will be Scared for an indeterminate amount of time
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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At the beginning it was Narumi's impulsive and impatient ass that'd rush to any yamazon order he sees delivered to the base and grab them all for himself before checking for the possibility that some of them might not be his...
But after one too many times getting scolded by your, getting his ear pulled or getting into a heated argument with you- right in front of many people no less- He sees the fruit garden of an opportunity as it is, and decides to use it for his advantage.
Especially when the orders /are/ delivered to his person by accident.
Who can blame the poor delivery guys though? They are giving the boxes to him by muscle memory at this point- sick of coming back to the base doors day after day and always the same darn name on the papers: Narumi Gen
Meanwhile Narumi enjoys seeing the growing frustration on your person when the telltale message of "orders delivered" has arrived yet there is nothing in sight. Some orders have you worried more than the others, piquing his interest and going as far as to try his chances every once in a while when he's feeling bold: "Oh? You want these so badly? Then beg"
(It results with a hardcover book of yours meeting with the crown of his head every single time. Always a different book and the current one always heavier than the previous...)
#not necessarily 'hedgehogs dilemma' universe but if you read it as it is here is an addition:#he'll spend the next hour or so rubbing his head in pain and usually getting tossed to the nursery by hasegawa or one of his platoon leader#he'll do his best to avoid you bc god forbid narumi gen eats his own words#but those poor medics and nurses... they dont know what to do with him and they cant risk of anything happening to the captain so they alwy#gottacall you in... so in the end its always a grumpy you tending to him and tugging at him a tad too tightly- or pushing him back to the#strecther with a little force and him just sucking it up and sitting there head hanging low with a sad ・゚・(。>ω<。)・゚・ expression#“oi! didnt i tell you to stay still” “GEEZ be mre careful wont you!! what are you aiming for? ripping my head off?” “i might as well if you#keep dropping that useless empty head of yours! good thing its attached to you at the neck else youd have lost it a long time ago too.." +#“now youre being mean:(” “be grateful youre getting away with just 'mean'”#narumi gen#kaiju no. 8#narumi x reader#narumi x you#narumi gen x reader#the hedgehog's dilemma.series#long live the queue#felumi
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- wip -
talk shit get hit itfs panel redraw fr the soul
#wip#timelapse#yuuji fighting me as usual smh some things never change#i literally drew u making out w ur bf less than 8 hours ago and u cant cooperate with me . rly .#sighs its ok im used 2 it#maybe can have this up tonight who can say#crazier things have happened on this program#but if yuuji continues 2 put up a fight ..... >:(#i realize it doesnt Look like much of a fight when its sped up but tht hand alone took like 15 minutes 2 get#shakes him by the shoulders /affectionate yet Exasperated#I Do So Much For You
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Day 299 - 305
WIP Below:
#Jay Merrick#Marble Hornets#Slenderverse#WHY IS THE QUALITY SO CRUNCHY????#This has never happened to my stuff before knrekjrhn usually it's just desaturated#WELL ANYWAYS I hope the symbolism is appreciated#When I was rewatching seeing how yellow the hotel hallway was really did something to me#I need to work more on having my monochromatic pics feel more solid#They always feel like a glaze to me...#Let's pretend I'm posting this like 2 hours ago before the 31st ended#Day 299#44 Minutes#Day 300#22 Minutes#Day 301#38 Minutes#Day 302#55 Minutes#Day 303#51 Minutes#Day 304#3 Hours 41 Minutes#Day 305#50 Minutes#Total: 8 Hours 1 Minute
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People (person?) is spamming just the word slee in my asks 😭
#it isn’t that serious-#it’s not even late here??#I got up 8 hours ago??#dude the worst thing that could happen is I have a stroke lol#dc tumblr#offline thoughts#sillyposing#not camera
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EX-CNCO Musical Output up to and Including June 2024
(presented without comment but with lots of love)
Joel: Diamante
Zabdiel: Chuliera
Richard: Embelesao
Erick: Co-wrote Hipnotizado by Aron Luix-Luix
Christopher: Did a singalong in his car on Kick the other week. #NailedIt #URWelcome
Seriously though, whatever Chris and Erick have got cooking for themselves individually (or even as a duo, who knows at this point?!) I think our collective face is gonna melt off when they finally unleash it...
#spev rambles#cnco#christopher velez#erick brian colon#joel de leon#joel pimentel#zabdiel de jesus#richard camacho#r!ch yashel#it's all happening honestly#chris keeps promising exciting stuff and he NEVER disappoints#he said a few weeks ago something was coming out in 5/6 months so probably around his birthday#god knows that poor lad needs a good rest#they all do#it was a horrible 2023 for them#besides he's been streaming 6-8 hours a night the last few months he's still working full time#and yes if you're gaming for that long through the night it bloody IS a full-time job!!!!!#i bet Twitch doesn't pay their streamers THAT much in subscription/bits commission!!!
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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what i need is a link to admin at the mercury and admin at the wnba. set me up a special account so i can see all the old videos from the old website. and get me a computer with all 19000+ minutes of dt games and a strong video editor. really i'd like all the old footage too.
#it's devastating bc i'm trying to find the full presser from the 2007 finals when dt says is a smack in the face not the same as a punch#but also what i want to do is clip every single dt assist and almost assist into what has to be like a 5 hour video#and then of course all the baskets#but i did the math and if you're watching film for 8 hours a day it would take like 161 days to watch all her wnba games#like i said yesterday i was watching a handful of games and her passes ..really we don't talk about the act of passing the ball enough#i would like to watch other old games too like the comets 97-2000#now my hope is that it doesn't happen this year but when it does happen [and i have a list]#mat should pay her like 1.5 million/year to consult for the org . which might mean doing nothing but show up at occasional games#and i know she doesn't want to coach or gm but i think she would be so good at roster creation recruitment and draft day decisions#like i said i have a list but i'm not going to put it out until it needs to be put out#i want to watch every game that cheryl miller coached#but that you can't watch candace parker's rookie season#or anything from LJ#or any comets games#or postseason prior to 2015#it's so disrespectful to not have them available#you could sell box sets of seasons by team and charge like 20 bucks per each and i'd eat them up#or full seasons of games#it is so concerning from the archival side that so much footage only lives publicly on these old youtube accounts from 12 15 17 years ago#and the best we can do is hope nothing gets deleted
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so i already knew i didn't like being called pretty, still don't. i had my reasons, but recently i realized a new one... i do not get called pretty or get praised for my presentation when it is more masculine. and while i do not like being called pretty, it manipulates my decision-making and perception of myself so so much. if my own friend didn't listen to me when i expressed discomfort with this word (+others), why would they be accepting of me doing anything more? if the strangers i see on the daily notice a change, my entire world will be different. i will lose basic comforts. it's not like i was unaware of this phenomenon, it's just that i only recently realized its connection to that word and to my lack of experimentation. and i'm angry.
#just the other night i dyed my hair way too dark and sobbed over it for hours#and then like 8 people complimented it and i decided not to try and fix it to how id wanted#but i framed it as not wanting to damage my hair#i dont even know if i hate it#but im angry#and i couldnt make my gender affirming hair appointment and sobbed over that for hours too#thats happened twice now#the shop closed the day my first appointment should have happened a couple years ago#and then the second was a whole lot of bad luck#the universe hates me
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an old drawing of a scene from one of my fics
#ratchet and clank#alister azimuth#kaden#over a year old!! fucking incredible#Meant to post this 8 hours ago but world happened and it happened. Nastily
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what if you: wanted to work on artfight prep
but god said: car break down be stressed forever
#rambumbles#this happened yesterday and I am still. doing bad. haheho#I love (hate) my ancient money-sink vehicle yayyyyyy#when your car starts smoking in the middle of the road and then you sit baking alive for 40 minutes in the 3pm texas heat#while waiting for assistance. and then you go to work for 8 hours !!#at least I have enough in savings to hopefully get something decent if I need a new car. sigh#uncertainty makes me anxious and I felt like I was finally returning to a stable point after getting my power back a few weeks ago#and now it's just all shit again#I need to get medicated or something but that costs even more time and money because diagnoses are hard and I don't know how insurance work#and my parents don't take my mental issues seriously because they don't take their own issues seriously#and so now I don't even take my own issues seriously and then I overestimate myself and end up crying at work#because No I Am Not Great Actually#everything is so much. and then you die#I think I went off a bit much here. sorry I'll be fine I promise I am just exhausted and scared and sleep-deprived
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Me, every time my excel spreadsheet with 19 tabs, over a dozen pivot tables, a bunch of formulas scattered all over the place, and a data tab consisting of over 100,000+ rows and 100 columns crashes: Why is this happening 😩
#happy's babblings#dont @ me okay 😩 i know its bad but we're talking 8 years of business data at this point#im gonna try to do what i should've done a year and a half ago when this was happening and split it up into five year chunks of files#and then idk maybe keep an overall data file im case smth get effed. i could recover the data w/o it but. i dont wanna call ppl#it's crashed like four times in the last hour and im just 😭 plz. baby. just lemme reconcile this report and then you will be free
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who hates operación triunfo more edgelords who thing they're above a silly music contest or fans of operación triunfo
#vivitalksot#quién se apunta para bombardear gestmusic#no but#this isn't about 'oh they won't sing amapolas my ship oh nawr'#this is about how the goddamn program has already treated paul and alvaro (and also bea now that we're on topic) like shit#i shan't speak about gala 8 but#you know what happened there#in interviews when asked about which songs they would like on tour#they both said they wanted amapolas#they even fucking repeated it in the weird ass video statement they released an hour ago#saying that they would've liked to sing it but it didn't depend on them#it's the only ship song to not be sung on tour in the history of ot btw#which is already insane#once again it's a good song a good duo and numerically it just makes sense. it just made sense#as we know now. it looks like paul is going to sing fewer songs than people like chiara#PAUL IS THE RUNNER UP#during tour the better your position in the contest the more songs you're allowed to sing#it doesn't look like paul will sing more than two duets and two solos#and even if he sung another duet#the ones that are left are 1) el encuentro with chiara which i enjoy but i wouldn't say it's tour - worthy#also it would make chiara have like 5/6 songs so. lol#2) little green bag. also a cool performance but. martin has so many songs already#3) bad habits. no ❤️#and there's also the trio he could do which is the worst trio in the contest so. lovely#i'm so tired
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tell me how in the hell csp, once upon crashing doesnt have my data for the past few hours my file has been up despite autosaving being turned on for every /40/ minutes. i swear it somehow lost 6 hours of history (that i admittedly barely did anything on, so its not like i lost a ton of stuff but ! is this not false advertising? if it cannot remember despite autosaving every supposed 40 min, how am i meant to trust this thang)
#legitimately upset my shit had a good vibe that is hard to redo because now my jimmies are in a twist :(#and yes every recovery and backup file show nothing past 12:10 pm which was 8 hours ago but i know i drew well past to 3pm#this is such fucking bullshit they lie to me#not the first time this has happened btw lol
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Was literally saying out loud with my mouth this very day that I was sad about missing the pre-resurections theatrical screenings of matrix 1. I manifested this
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