#it had such a profound impact on me i think I've even posted about it on here

[spurgie-cousin]

during my spiral today my husbo asked me "what's your favorite movie/TV scene where they're doing something in Slow Motion to a Great Song" (he worded it better I just can't remember how) and he did that in an attempt to get me thinking for awhile

but jokes on him because I have that answer locked and loaded: hotel fight scene from Letterkenny, season 5 episode 1 "We Don't Fight at Weddings", just a beating the shit out of (bad) people to "Fuck the Pain Away".

edit: I did not type husbo that was an auto correct, but I'm leaving it

[fafodill]

On Snape depriving himself sexually...

SO, I got hyperfocused and I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I needed only one person to tell me they were interested so thank you @severus-snaps haha. And thank you @wisteria-lodge for encouraging me !

This is a continuation of my previous post about Snape's relation with intimacy. I'm always a sucker for the pent up and deprived trope and I feel like Snape could fit the profile perfectly. Of course this is complete HC, as we literally have zero information about him having any personal life whatsoever so... pure speculation and meta discussion. Let's have fun, buckle up, here is why I think he'd make a great candidate for it :

Early teens: Many of us tend to interpret Snape as sexually inexperienced. This of course comes partly from his unpopularity in school, a time where teenagers start experimenting a bit. It's hard to imagine the little scrawny greasy potion nerd getting a lot of action. Though I'm open to thinking something might have happened here and there. I mean, girls also like smart and scrawny guys, I would love to read a fic where a Ravenclaw or Slytherin has a crush on him and he's utterly clueless because he's too engrossed in his books and when he realizes he's so flustered and clumsy about it. And they snog in the library and he's so afraid of getting caught by Mrs Pince. But being consistently bullied would have hurt his reputation, thus making people avoid being associated with him to not become targets as well. Also, his bullies were good-looking guys and it may have contributed to highlighting his bad looks in the public eye way more than if he had been left alone. And just with the nickname alone, but you won't tell me James and Sirius never insulted his nose, his hair, his complexion or his thin frame.

So one of the first core belief that might have emerged and latched itself to his sexuality would have been: I'm ugly/repelling.

But we don't have any proof in canon that he wasn't interested in romantic/sexual interactions back then. For all we know, he was a socially awkward teenager going through puberty. Even if he was certainly anxious and angry due to the bullying, he was still going through the same hormone cocktail as everyone.

HC : I've been wondering how the students find places to masturbate in peace and of course we don't exactly know why he invented the Muffliato charm but give me a Snape who was too whimpery to be completely silent and used it for this.

Post SWM though, I think it's safe to assume the trauma scared him unconsciously regarding the subject. Being perceived before wasn't easy, as he was aware he wasn't exactly good-looking and his self-esteem was impacted for sure, but after... oh boy. I can imagine him so traumatized that the mere idea of undressing in the vicinity of people was making his blood freeze. This may have led to hygiene issues as well, or only feeling safe to shower in the dead of night or at times where the dormitories where utterly empty. The shame linked to having his body and underwear exposed could have definitely stunned his sexual awakening as it happened at such a crucial age. How can you safely explore your own sexuality if every time you think about how ugly you are and that so many people saw your body and laughed at it ? (and the adults doing nothing to punish the people who did that hammered the beliefs that he was indeed laughable)

So second core belief added: I'm ridicule.

Also the SWM incident might have triggered his need to cover/shield his body from head to toe at all time and nobody can convince me otherwise.

At the very least I imagine masturbating would then be heavily linked to the anger and shame of that moment. The memory would either unlock or at least impact it unconsciously in some way, marking the act with a profound bitterness or stopping it altogether. The result: every time his body would ask for attention, he'd be overcome with very intense traumatic feelings and have no idea how to deal with them; so he'd start recoiling instinctively from any sexual thought. Also, since undressing/changing clothes became a triggering act, being even partially nude to touch himself would also stress him immensely.

So instead of indulging, he'd start developing coping mechanisms like focusing on anything else that brought him a sense of pleasure to trick his brain : potions, the dark arts, creating spells etc.

And of course, we can assume that even if someone was trying to approach him at that point, he'd recoil like a wounded animal, expecting mockery and reacting very aggressively.

After Hogwarts: We don't know what might have happened during his 3-4 years after school. We have a lot of creative space, though we know he got a Potion Mastery (??) so he must have studied somewhere and he was active within the DE circles. As @maxdibert pointed in a few posts - which I think is an astute point - the Dark Lord was aware of the affection/attraction Severus had felt towards Lily and, to prove his disinterest, he might have engaged with a few pureblood women. We could speculate on different situations here (and if anyone's interested we could explore this), but as I'm going for deprived!Snape, I'd say it wasn't helpful. At this point he's a young adult, torn between his inexperience and his limboing self-esteem. On top of that he's a deeply proud individual, obsessed with controlling the way he's being perceived. He's already occlumenting his emotions to remain safe, and well, engaging sexually does require some sort of vulnerability he isn't capable of at that point.

Maybe he said some harsh things to his partners when confronted with his clumsiness (even if they were kind), maybe he got bit back (and deserved it). He'd use these instances as confirmation bias to convince himself intimacy wasn't something emotionally safe, interesting nor even remotely pleasant enough.

Then there's Lily's death, and I personally don't see her as having a lot of influence on his sexuality directly (except maybe for the fact that when he had feelings for her, he might have felt she was 'too pretty for him', which fed the first core belief), but it did fuel a ton the last core belief which is : I'm undeserving (because I'm a bad person).

The undeserving part existed prior to her death. It stemmed from his upbringing (undeserving of care), of his social status (undeserving of material comfort), his blood status (undeserving of opportunities), his social awkwardness (undeserving of friendship), his special interest in the dark arts (undeserving of respect).

Lily's death crystallized such deep guilt inside of him that he devoted his life after that to atoning. I'm a firm believer that there's a clear before and after regarding the way he treated his body. Not that things were drastically different, but it made it worse. He ate less, slept less and touched himself even less. Probable not at all for a good few months, maybe even up to a year or so as he was extremely stressed from his new job, depressed and overcomed with grief. Honestly, at that point in his life he was barely functioning.

Then we have his adult life at Hogwarts: at that point in his life he's working and living where his worst trauma occurred. Not great for healing. During those years, he mastered the art of shutting down with occlumency everything he couldn't deal with, including his body's basic needs. He had excuses for everything. Sleeping? How could he rest when he had so much work to do dealing with the little shitheads and that infuriating Headmaster? Eating? Pfft, he had been fine all his childhood, so now he'd eat what he needed to function, but craving something and getting it wasn't something he'd allow himself. Masturbating? Tricky part, because he almost never thought about it anymore. He would not even treat it as a basic need. Like, sleep and food were still required to function, even in limited amount or he would pass out, but he could function without sex. Bottom line is, deep down he would feel undeserving of any sort of pleasure.

Rewarding his body, taking care of it wasn't allowed. It was part of his self-inflicted punishment.

But it would be still natural for his body to seek sexual release from time to time. He'd have hard-ons sometimes in the morning and ignore it until it went away, maybe take a cold shower or - why not - even take a potion he'd have invented to calm it down (or worse, to make it hurt so it would go down, if you want to go the masochistic way). The way I see it, every time he'd have an unwanted sensual/sexual thought (oh, this person at the Three Broomsticks has disarmingly pretty lips, this other person's got very elegant hands, or this one's hips look live they're meant to be grabbed), he'd shut it down immediately.

Fantasizing wouldn't be pleasant either. Each time, it would trigger the self-depreciating thoughts. Who are you fooling ? This person would never touch you, never look at you. And if they did, you wouldn't deserve it and would fuck it up anyway. Faceless people then, but it would still always be tainted with the ghost of years of bitterness, loneliness and unmet needs. So it'd be easier to pretend he doesn't have them or doesn't care. Of course this would do nothing to soothe his sour mood (and here talking from experience: I've been sexually frustrated quite a lot in my twenties, and I can definitely say that the mental relief you feel alongside the physical release when you get it is quite something. Like, I'd be a changed person, just because chemically my brain would finally be swimming again in endorphins. So yeah, at that point in his life I believe he's in dire need of a good shag and is partly always on edge because of this).

And when he would indulge in masturbation, it'd be because he's too tired to fight it or just because he knows that if he does, his body would leave him alone for a while. It would be quick, mechanical, in the dark, the mess cleaned up immediately and then forgotten about. The less thinking involved, the better so it wouldn't trigger the core beliefs. Maybe it'd happen when being tipsy after a night out with the other professors, or just when he was too stressed or exhausted at the end of terms and it was his body's way of asking for a break and a distraction.

I think he'd be also more prone to having his sexual needs resurface when he's not at Hogwarts and the mental toll of being there isn't weighing on him (maybe during summer or maybe even if he goes into the Forbidden Forest to gather potion ingredients, or a trip to Diagon Alley). He would find it really annoying, not realizing how the two are linked.

Then how would he be dealing with the constant tension and redirecting the release ? (fun stuff)

I think he could get a sick pleasure from being able to not indulge for long periods of time, thriving on his sense of control. He'd maybe even feel shame when he finally does, chastising himself for being weak.

When too tired to notice, late at night in his office, his body would hijack control a little bit and he'd start rubbing himself unconsciously with one hand while correcting essays and immediately stop upon realizing.

He'd be a GREAT candidate for edging. Like telling himself that if there's no release it doesn't count and he could get some pleasure whilst still shaming and punishing himself. Maybe sometimes even without touching himself directly, just letting the fabric rub on him, while shifting his hips just a bit. A good compromise he wouldn't want to analyze too closely.

Being pent up all the time makes one irritable, so some of that tension is fueling his already short-tempered nature and getting out by lashing out at idiots. It would also be a way to... spill out but with words (classy I know).

I don't see him doing any sport to get endorphins and relieve tension (though he does prowl the castle at night, that counts as walking haha).

The only part of his body I could see him pay attention to would be his hands as he uses them for potion work. He could be proud of their dexterity and I can imagine him taking care of them. Like, once of twice a week he'd put a cream or an ointment (self-made ofc) and massage his fingers and palms. Nothing sexual about it but it would be the closest he has to a gentle self-touch.

But mostly, his sole source of pleasure would still come from focusing on his interests. Working all night on improving a new potion, loosing himself in the method and appreciating his own skills, or reading about and experimenting with the Dark Arts (I don't think he ever stopped seeking knowledge, which is why he was able to save Dumbledore's ass from Marvolo's ring). These two things are his private garden, something that's inherently his despite everything, and it would be his way of pleasuring himself in an acceptable way: intellectually.

But what about the people around him or potential partners ?

He'd hate any sexual jokes or comments about him or in general. Sexually open people would make him angry (jealous). It'd irk him. As it's such a loaded and repressed subject for him he'd see them as flaunting their unspoken good experiences. He'd try to unconsciously shame them into silence by telling them they're being inappropriate. At the end of the day, it's just his way of protecting himself because he wouldn't know how to navigate the conversation, and his pride wouldn't let him feel ridiculed again.

He would also hate being looked at, even clothed. People judging his body would definitely trigger the awful memory from SWM. He would struggle immensely to accept the possibility of being looked at in an appraising way. If someone was sincere and stubborn enough to convince him they're not lying, he'd be extremely confused and wary.

And if he was to be attracted to that person as well, he'd have to deal with an almost second puberty on top of his core beliefs. He'd be so clumsy, so out of touch with his body and very frustrated with all the unwanted sensations he's not used to deal with. And that's such an interesting and fascinating subject aaaah.

At the end of the day, deep down he doesn't believes he deserves pleasure or comfort in his life so a partner would have to be patient with him. There's a lot of strategies they could try and I'd be delighted to explore them but I'm gonna stop here because this essay is so long already haha. SO, in conclusion:

He needs a good shag.

Thank you for reading.

UPDATE: go here to read how to bed deprived!Snape

I'd love to discuss how it would go with different characters trying to approach him, or I could talk about the classic trope of losing control because of his short temper but with him deprived, so many possibilties aaah, I love it when he's angry AND horny AND clumsy-

Also, my current favorite oneshot of deprived!Snape here : Cursed into Temptation by @marvel-snape-writes (very smutty, amazing, I'm on my knees)

[duhragonball]

Akira Toriyama (1955-2024)

I wouldn't say I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling less bad than yesterday. So let's see if I can put some words together.

In case anyone still hasn't heard, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama passed away on March 1, 2024. This news was made public on March 7 or 8. I woke up early on Friday morning and found out while I was checking Twitter. I had a long, busy day at work, and I kept getting on my phone to scroll through fan reactions and tributes.

I think that, more than anything, is what's gotten me so worked up about his death. My Twitter timeline and my tumblr dashboard were just chock full of touching message and images about how Akira Toriyama's work has changed their lives. I wanted to write my own tribute, but I'm not sure what else I can say that hasn't already been expressed by Archie Comics, professional wrestling trio The New Day, and the Republic of El Salvador.

There's this immense, global community of fans, and it's easy to lose sight of just how big it is. It's easy to get bogged down in the infighting and petty squabbles. I saw one tweet responding to the criticism of Dragon Ball not being like this "entry level" franchise compared to other, more high brow anime and manga. It's popular with so many people, that critics will assume it's designed to appeal to the lowest-common-denominator. But the opposite is true! Dragon Ball is accessible, which is how so many people from so many different places and walks of life can get into it. The guy telling the story was such a master storyteller that he could grab an audience's attention and make it look easy. So easy that the haters would start to think that it was a trick, and he must be overrated.

Let me talk about this panel for a minute.

Last night I started going through the original manga, looking for panels to screencap. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I thought maybe a selection of panels that really stood out for me might be worth posting. I'll probably still do that one of these days, but I got to this one, where Gohan tells Chi-Chi about Goku's death, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

This was a powerful scene in the anime, of course, but in the comic it's even more profound. It's just one panel, no dialogue, because the reader already knows what's happening here. We know Gohan is telling his mother that Goku died in the Cell Games, and that he refuses to be wished back, because he thinks his presence on Earth will attract new enemies. It was hard enough to hear when Goku said it to Gohan and the others, and now Gohan has to relay that message to Goku's wife. All she can do is lie prostate on the floor and weep.

And look at the composition. She's surrounded by all that negative space. Gohan's there for her, but she still feels so alone, surrounded by her husband's absence. Pots of flour for food he'll never eat. An empty chair he might have sat in. Their son, who will have to grow up without him.

I saw this, as though for the first time, and it was so gut-wrenching that I had to post it by itself. I felt like it summed up my feelings better than any words could. We're all Chi-Chi in this panel, reacting to Akira Toriyama's death. And we're all Gohan too, each of us consoling one another with our own thoughts and tributes.

So what did Akira Toriyama mean to us all? Lots of people have answered this in a lot of different ways. Obviously his art, storytelling and cultural impact speak for themselves. I've seen people compare him to other luminaries like Jack Kirby and Osamu Tezuka. I'll try to add my own two cents with this:

I wrote a post about "Dragon Ball Daima" back when it was first announced, and I led off with this image of a note from Akira Toriyama. I guess this was from some big fancy presentation about Daima at a convention. I forget which one. In particular, I was skeptical that the Daima rumors were even true, and if they were, the whole idea seemed half-baked to me. Turning Goku into a kid had been done before, and it wasn't exactly successful the first time.

But this note from Toriyama was very reassuring to me. More than the trailer clips and character designs, this was what got me interested in the show. That's because he took the time to not only hype up the show, but also to explain what's going on behind the premise. He took the time to tell everyone that he's working on this show, and what "Daima" means, and why all the characters get turned into kids. It's "due to a conspiracy", and the good guys will have to "fix things". In short, he established a plot, conflict, and resolution to the story. He didn't just slap this together to sell new merch. I'm sure that was part of the motivation to make Daima, but there's more to it than that.

I think that's the loss I feel with Toriyama's passing. It's not that there won't be new Dragon Ball stories in the future. I'm sure others will continue telling their own versions long after I'm gone. I'm not that worried about the fate of Daima. I'm sure they'll figure something out, whether it's delayed, rewritten, or canceled. But we'll never see another message from Toriyama to promote a new project, and that's what I'll miss. From here on, his credit will just be an acknowledgement of his past contributions.

There's this great credibility with Akira Toriyama's name. Fans will argue about how involved he was in a project as a way of establishing how good or bad it was. Dragon Ball GT has his name on the credits, and he provided some designs and artwork early on, and for some fans that proves the series has his endorsement. For others, the sole problem with the show is that he wasn't directly writing the script. There's similar debates over Dragon Ball Super, where he was involved, but only writing those mysterious "notes". So if a fan doesn't like something in DBS, who do they blame? Did Toriyama lose his touch, or did his co-creators fumble the ball? Dragon Ball Evolution basically ignored all of Toriyama's advice and bombed, while Battle of Gods, Resurrection F, Broly, and Super Hero all put Toriyama's writing credits up at the very beginning, and each film made plenty of money. I read his comments on the Daima confirmation, and immediately thought "Okay, this should be pretty good. Akira Toriyama knows what's up."

That's gone now. I mean, there's still a lot of talent out there, but we'll never again have the little gas mask-wearing robot telling us that this story will be good because he worked on making it good. I don't think I really appreciated how much I trusted that guy until now. I still can't believe he's really gone.

I'll probably have more to say about this in the coming days, but I'll stop here for now. Thanks for letting me ramble a bit on this.

[thelaurenshippen]

How much of an impact has writing and consuming fanfiction had in your writing career?

I ask about fanfiction specifically because it's such an open communication sort of media, it's so easy for author and reader to interact. Do you think you'd write differently if you'd never been in the Fanfiction community? What do you think has carried over from those works and interactions into your current works?

ooh, such a fun question! I've never really thought about this before!

so I will admit, while I have been reading fanfiction since 2006, I never actually wrote fanfiction until 2018 (and then didn't share any of it until 2021). so I think those specific relationships affected my writing in very specific ways.

from a reading perspective, I think fanfic really showed me that a story can be anything, told in a million different kinds of ways. the two fandoms that I was deeply entrenched in/reading fic in were sherlock (lol) and the winter soldier (I stand by it). both of those fandoms - TWS especially - did a lot of very interesting stuff when it came to story structure, multimedia storytelling, etc. while of course there's great published fiction that does the same (I've been a huge David Mitchell stan since I was 20, I read House of Leaves for the first time a few years ago, A Series of Unfortunate Events is such a great example of this tbh), I think there's a lot of freewheeling experimentation in fanfiction that encouraged me to do things like write Some Faraway Place as a mix of journal entries, reddit posts, letters, and tumblr posts.

it's also interesting to me that you bring up the author/reader interaction, because you're right, it is such a huge part of fanfic and a part I rarely thought about for a looooong time. I'm a socially anxious lurker by nature, so I would leave comments (show your local fanfic writer some love!) and I would follow a lot of those writers, but I'd never, like, interact with them directly. and my comments were usually along the lines of "I'M FLINGING MYSELF DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN" rather than openings to conversations lol.

but that changed significantly when I started writing fic. the first fandom I wrote for was SO small and the ship I was writing for even smaller (I'm responsible for over half the fics in that tag), so there wasn't really any interaction there. but then I started writing in a different fandom - still small but much more active - and joined a discord and everything. I'm not really active anymore, but I met someone who now has become one of my best friends and who is a huge reason why Desperate Hollow, my queer outlaw novel, finally got fucking finished.

so being in fanfic really affected my writing in the sense that I found a writer friend who - like a lot of other writing friends - has had a profound affect on me as an artist. but more broadly, writing fic for that fandom - about 200k words of it in eight months - taught me some very important things:

how to write a lot of words very, very quickly

how to let go of something being perfect - no one knows who I am on ao3 and people are just happy to have fic for a small fandom, so it doesn't have to be GOOD

how to write physicality - this is very hard for me, even now. I'm an audio first person, I rarely think about what people look like, how they move their bodies, etc. writing fic is so helpful, because if you're using canon scenes, you don't have to come up with the blocking, you just have to figure out how to describe it.

dialogue/character voice - learning how to mimic a writer's style is good from two perspectives: one, you learn more about style and voice by having to unpack someone else's. two, as a writer working in a scripted medium, you often are trying to write to an established style, because you might be in a writer's room for a world that you didn't create.

this is a less tangible effect, but writing mature works for a fandom that has mostly morally gray characters helped me get more comfortable with being bolder in my own work. Desperate Hollow is about two men in the wild west, one of whom has killed a lot of people, and both of whom are career criminals. the show I'm working on currently has the messiest found family dynamic and it will only get messier. I think in the course of writing TBS, I sometimes got scared of doing the wrong thing, or of leaning too hard into the darker parts of the story, and I'm trying to let my characters and stories be deeply imperfect now.

I hope that answers your questions!

[gghero]

hi. this is going to sound like actually insane but i gotta say it. your hardenshipping fic from 2015 (may and the world) like permanently changed the course of my life forever and im not even kidding.

i was probably like 10 when i read it the first time (IN 2015 lol), and it was because my older sister (at the time 13) had told me about it... she was a major tumblr user and also insanely passionate hardenshipping fan, so she was a big fan of yours back then. she showed me how to use ao3, then tumblr, and i've had an account (not the same one always, but an account) since.

without your writing, without knowing of online queer spaces and art in general, it would've probably taken me much much longer to ever come to the conclusion i was trans.

i would've probably still perpetually felt like the weird little girl sitting in the corner of the 5th grade computer lab class reading fanfiction about queer love and yearning to have that. to be that.

now, i get to say i look back on those memories fondly. i don't feel like the weird friendless little girl anymore. she is always in my heart, but she'd probably ask me some stupid shit like "why aren't you taller?" and then say something more profound like "i'm glad you get to be a boy"

she'd probably then proceed to ask another stupid ass question. "have you found your maxie yet 🙏"

and then i'd cry laughing i think. i'd cry laughing and tell her that there are many things i have, many many things, and there are many more things we both should look forward to, together.

i hope you know how impactful your writing has been on my life. i hope you realize how much it touched my heart when i was an autistic little girl who was outcast by almost everyone for behaving differently than them.

and i hope you realize i'm crying right now as i write this ask and reminisce on the art you so wonderfully created. it might not mean much coming from just one person, but your work truly did change my life.

so thank you. thank you for creating, and being brave enough to put your creations out there. you have touched the lives of more people than you would've ever thought.

Hi! Oh my goodness I feel like I should apologize for taking so long to reply to this. It's been sitting in my inbox for a while now because I was just struggling to come up with the right words to say. And I mean... where could I even begin when this message is so heartfelt and profound and just, reading it over and over and processing like the actual meaning of the words on my screen has given me so much to think about? just the idea that my lil fanfiction that I started ages ago, when I wasnt even in college yet and it felt like my grasp on the English language and my own writing skills were being put to the test every time posted a new chapter, the idea that this impacted someone to this extent leaves me speechless. Like thats just incredible to me and to feel like I actually contributed to something like this is beyond my wildest dreams. It really does make it feel like what I was doing (and still do) is worth it if it helped even only one person find themselves.

I'm so sorry I never finished the story properly. I had (and still have!) so many ideas of plot events and character development arcs I wanted to do, and I still think about these characters fondly. There's absolutely stuff that I would do differently looking back on things, but there's also so much I still feel so happy I was able to share with the world. I can't promise I will complete the story in the ways I just described as it's a far more ambitious task than I have time and energy for these days, but your message might just make me take the plunge and do a little something to tie it all up.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and share with me. I'll carry this message with me forever to remind myself of what really matters the most when creating <3

[kithj]

recently i've been making an effort to go through and play a lot of the games that have been languishing in my steam library (for many years, at this point...) here are my brief thoughts on a few so far:

gone home - this was constantly recommended on my old post about haunted house games. i actually bought this back around when it was first published, 2015/2016. and i think if i had played it at that time, it would have really hit for me. i've discussed birdland here previously and 2015 is around the time i played that game, too (probably my first exposure to interactive text games) and it had a profound impact on me as a younger lesbian who hadn't quite come to terms with my identity yet. all that to say, i recommend this if you're looking for a short, atmospheric experience (i played with headphones and definitely got creeped out a few times) but prepare for a bit of a dated narrative. some of the art was done by E.M. Carroll, a name you might recognize from their viral comics.

TACOMA - this game came out back in 2017, and it's another walking sim similar to gone home and from the same developers, though it has a bit more interaction, namely a mechanic where you "reconstruct" scenes and play through them to extract data. but this one definitely felt dated. not entirely, to be fair, some parts did still feel evergreen, specifically around the discussion of AI and human labor rights... but TACOMA chooses to focus more on "AI rights" in the end, which feels a little silly in this day and age, and in general it's a sci-fi game, so it's a bit more fantastical than what we're seeing now in real time. also there was a magazine i found that had an article referring to "president musk of south africa" which induced a full body cringe from me. E.M. Carroll appears here again and is credited with the character concepts, i really enjoyed their designs of the crew & the crew themselves as we slowly learned more about them and their relationships while moving through the station. it's a little longer than gone home but still pretty short, and i did enjoy it, so i recommend it if you can get over the dated AI depiction. i really liked the reconstruction mechanic, and following the "ghosts" around the station. (if you can't tell, i enjoy games where i get to be nosy and go through people's stuff)

Milk outside a bag of milk outside a bag of milk - so i made the mistake of playing this without realizing it was the sequel rather than the first... i don't think it impacted too much but i would probably recommend to play it in order, so play Milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk first (unfortunately i don't have this one myself). i find this game kinda hard to review, but i really liked the way the player served as the mc's internal voice, and how the game & its mechanics are utilized and contextualized within the narrative as a way for us, "The Voice," to make choices for her, if that makes sense (there's some fourth wall breaking too, which is always fun; she refers to herself as a VN character at one point). i liked all of this, the art and the writing & the animations, though all in all i'm not quite sure how much of it i fully understood, and this could also be because i played it out of order (or it could just be abstract on purpose). i did also only playthrough once, but i believe there are a lot of possible variations, and it takes a lot of trial and error to see everything. i tried my best to be kind to her and help her out :( however i did like how there wasn't always a "nice" option, just like a real internal voice would work; you aren't always kind to yourself even when you should be...

the next few i hope to get through are Mundaun, Saint Maker, and Sub-Verge :3

[crazylittlejester]

I humbly offer this actually really angsty when you think about it headcanon like a sacrifice to a deity with a disclaimer that it does get existential and kinda religious (Hylia being a confirmed real and true in universe deity + the places my brain goes with that) so please just delete this if you're prone to cosmological vertigo, it's just me rambling about an idea that has fundamentally altered my neurochemistry:

Post LU Wars (scarf, time shenanigans, kind of in love w every era of the land bc his brothers came from those eras!) is subject to a final bout of time shenanigans and becomes First (scarf, from a time Before Everything, goes to forge the Goddess Sword at Hylia's behest, fights demons) (and he's already got practice fighting Ghirahim from HW!). Demise starts with an army and the power of a god and ends with one sword, a small handful of monsters, and the power of a significantly weaker god. The thought that Wars-as-First might actually have been able to win the demon war and deliberately chose not to, because if he did then his brothers would never come to be, makes me insane. The thought of how oblivious he was to the utterly profound impact he had on Hylia by introducing the idea that she could fail the task the Golden Three set for her and it would bring about life and color and beauty, the idea that this idyllic paradise was beautiful but it wasn't living. The idea that the world where she failed was better than the one she where she won because the world where she failed produced people like her hero- people who LIVED, people who loved as much as he loved his brothers. The idea that Wars meets a goddess and befriends her and it changes her fundamentally and irrevocably does something to my brain chemistry. Something something mortals who live and love and dream and die with such a passion something the way truly seeing that passion might forever alter the worldview of a deity who'd never before encountered the idea that living was something to be done like you wouldn't be able to do it forever.

My supporting evidence for Wars being able to befriend Hylia: he's already had the experience of meeting embodied existential forces and realizing they're literally just people who also happen to be facets of reality. Lana used to be a sorceress who could see across all of time and space. He vividly remembers hearing her swear at a hand mirror because she couldn't get her eyeliner right and after that he was never again able to see 'deity' before he saw 'person'. Wars running around with the idea of Hylia as a person trying her best with whatever unknown amount of power she has vs everyone else knowing her as a goddess who is above such things as being a person.

The idea of Wars and Hylia sitting down and talking about it. Maybe they only do it once. But Wars tells her: I've been there. I've seen it. The world where he didn't win but we didn't either.

And Hylia says: we might be able to prevent it. We might be able to win.

And Wars says: no.

And Hylia says: no?

And Wars says: it's the world that has my family in it. This is the world has people who are alive but that one has people who are living. We create and we love and we fight and we destroy and you can't take that from us.

Something. Something about the vivid tenacity of the human experience. Something about turning down heaven in favor of living. Something about already knowing what eating the apple means before you've even done it and doing it because your family's just outside the gates of Eden and this is how you pull them open.

DAMN this is a really interesting headcanon (also that opener was insane, I literally read it out loud to my friend who was over and they were impressed aldkdldl) this could honestly make a banger fic

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #461

After the excitement of yesterday's change of routine, today's slowness and uneventfulness was very much welcomed.

...Well, mostly. Today I got a text from Tr asking me to come in for a full 8 hours on Thursday, in addition to 4 hours on Wednesday and 4 hours on Saturday. On Thursday, I'll be by myself for approximately 4.5 of those 8 hours. I'm more than a little nervous about that, but... they need me, and so I'm gonna do my best to rise to the challenge that this novelty presents.

Oh, and!! Today I switched to a new set of braces. This is set number 17, and of course, I took pictures comparing them to my original set. Here's the lower jaw:

...and the upper jaw, too!

...The gaps left behind by the teeth that needed to be removed in order to make this work are getting smaller and smaller all the time, and... that's kind of exciting, actually. Every 10 days, I'm one step closer to being able to smile at you properly next time I see you, and that's a wonderful feeling.

Today, I responded to a post that tagged me, requesting 10 songs at random from the list I listen to most frequently. So I went and I did that, and I tagged some others, interested in what sorts of tunes they like to have rattling around in their ears. It was very good!!

I haven't sat around listening to music in a long while now, though. I mean... I get songs stuck in my head all the damn time (CONSTANTLY), and although I can reproduce a song that I know in my mind with stunning, crystal-clear clarity (same with visualizing objects or recalling other things experienced with my senses; this is extremely easy for me, and I guess that's unusual...?), it's not exactly the same as listening to it.

I thought about a variety of things while listening to this playlist, though... I guess mostly I just thought of you. I thought of seeing you for the first time, and how that one simple thing turned my whole world upside down, starting with my way of thinking. I'd never had a consistent role model for gentleness or courage before. I'd never had a role model for the kind of steadfast determination you demonstrate. I'd never had a role model for kindness or patience until you. Even if these traits were wildly misunderstood by the others around you at the time, because they misperceived you as some kind of cold, arrogant, and unapproachable thing that is too far above them to try to get to know.

...It's a shame, really. They missed out on one of the kindest and most dependable friends anyone could ask for, just because they allowed their preconceived notions of who you actually are to get in the way of perceiving you properly. And I'm really sorry for that, because you suffered so much in that terrible isolation, didn't you?

...I guess... the person I saw you as, during one of the most vulnerable times in my life, had a profound impact on the person I've become. Not only am I still alive because I looked to your courage even when I didn't want to continue, but also... I saw the way you tried to protect and care for others, despite growing up in an environment that shouldn't have allowed you to retain those traits. I saw that, and I tried my damnedest to emulate it, albeit clumsily and much too rigidly for a very long time. And I kept doing that until I met people who would help me refine it, kept doing that until I got better at it. Kept practicing that patience, that kindness, that dedication to being dependable for others.

...Hopefully, I learn from your mistakes, too, so that I don't end up giving of myself and failing to tend to myself until I break. I'm still maybe not as good at this as I ought to be, but... well. That's what practicing and trying again are for, right...?

And I guess... I guess part of the reason I'm so adamant about making sure you don't somehow end up disappearing altogether is simply because... I don't want to go back to the parts of my life in which I didn't have you to look to. And... although I know that I'll always carry memories of your story regardless of what happens next, there's still some small part of me, I guess, that feels like it won't be the same anymore if you're erased, for reasons I don't really know how to articulate.

Daniel, J's brother, was relatively distant from me. We got to know each other a little bit, but... having busy lives, it was actually relatively rare that we spoke or visited with each other. And... now he's gone. And... I suppose you disappearing or getting erased or whatever else would be a lot like that.

...I cried about Daniel's sudden absence for a long time. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to have to endure yours. Hopefully, I won't have to. I keep clinging to how my plea for your life was responded to on that day in August, hoping there was more to it than insincere, empty words.

...I guess we'll see. I guess we'll see...

…

...I hope you're okay, wherever you are.

...

I suppose that's it for today. I had intended to play Hades, but... I got sucked up into leisure writing. I think there was something I was looking for. I'm not sure whether or not I found it. But I don't regret the time that was spent.

Please do your best to stay safe, Sephiroth. You're as deserving of a soft, safe, and happy tomorrow as anyone, regardless of the mistakes they've made along the way. The world we live in would be a lot better, I think, if more people believed that everyone is deserving of gentleness. I think then, a lot of the structural and societal issues in both your world and mine would eventually fade away as people heal from the things that broke them.

I love you so much. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[blueboyluca]

Lately I've been feeling a huge need for emotionally intelligent, empathetic and thoughtful content about dog training and care. I feel very fragile at the moment and this sort of thing, while also kind of painful in a way, has been helping me be forgiving to myself and understanding to the dogs in my life. I can't get my thoughts straight to write out anything in detail, but I can share the resources themselves.

This episode was soothing. Christina is a beautiful and gentle speaker and her insights are incredibly valuable. I appreciate her desire to stay out of the limelight, but I do wish I had regular access to her thoughts so it's a bit of a shame she doesn't do social media or anything like that.

Choice quote: "Oftentimes I want to raise my hand and be like, can we evaluate this carceral mindset? And I get looks and I think, cool, not the time, not the place. This is not the space, like, shift gears, let it go, try something else."

This post was a really useful reflection tool. I don't identify as a crossover trainer, since I never trained dogs before, but I still relate because I was raised in a punishment first society regardless of dogs. Even as someone who came to dog training committed to R+ from the outset, it still takes rewiring and relearning and reconfiguring to not default to punishment.

Choice quote: "We humans believe that anger is an appropriate response to being wronged. I agree. There is a lot in this world to be enraged about. The problem is directing that rage at dogs and other beings we control. We are encouraged to believe that dogs are morally wronging us, and that appropriate responses are anger and punishment."

I found so much value in this two-part podcast from Animal Training Academy with Michele Pouliot. She had so much wisdom about how to effectively help people and change minds. And sometimes that means being frustrated.

Choice quote: "When we start working with a dog that's never had positive reinforcement training before, you're right, what's the first thing we do? We build a reinforcement history so that dog trusts us, enjoys being around us, and as soon as we have that relationship we can ask more of them... just because a person called you and made the appointment doesn't mean you have a relationship yet... It's the same as training the dog, you have to build the history."

I'd love to find some more media like these. I've been downloading a bunch of new dog books again, but so far none of them are quite scratching the itch I've got. I wish I could read something like The Secret History of Kindness again, that was one of those rare books that had a profound impact on me.

[dr-spectre]

man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable

i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time

I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?

I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying

you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing

you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things

this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......

I.... I..... WHA.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!

LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...

...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!

Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...

You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.

I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....

I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!

But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!

[quixotic-paladin]

Hey there, this will probably seem random as all hell. In your last post,'Fight in the forrest'...to me, it looks like a story of a fight with a Bigfoot or a Sasquatch... and these people would call it some sort of "wolf-man." Similar strange stories of Dog headed St Christopher...George and the Dragon...this is very much diving into criptid territory, but I was curious if you had any thoughts?

I guess I'm not entirely sure what you're asking - but if I believe in Bigfoot/dogman... Essentially yes. I think most sasquatch/dogman sightings can be explained away by misidentifications and the power of suggestion. I've been in the North woods enough, even in the pitch dark, to know how powerful the imagination can be. However, there's too much evidence suggesting there is a flesh and blood creature like Bigfoot living in the North American wilderness to simply dismiss it all as imaginary. I also think there is a spiritual factor at play. Many people who've had experiences with Bigfoot/aliens/wolf men/wendigo are also involved with New Ageism, the Occult, and native spiritualism. These are all pathways to demonic influence which I believe can manifest as any of these creature encounters. A skeptic might argue that the correlation between spiritual beliefs and Bigfoot/aliens/whatever is just evidence that spiritual people are more naive and prone to suggestion, but I think on a large scale there's more to it than that. I've heard enough credible eyewitness accounts from people who've dabbled in the Occult and had "experiences", and also from reputable exorcists that have said similar things. People really underestimate the fact that demons do exist and have a profound impact on the world around us. Anyways... What were we talking about?

[danmeiarchive]

Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know by Cyan Wings -- a brief review (no spoilers)

80 chapters + 2 extras

My Rating: ★★★★★ / 5

I went into this story fairly blind / un-spoiled as to the plot and characters and I really enjoyed it. If you like The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System I think you'll like this one. It's a pretty quick read (I read it over the course of 2½ weeks) and it also feels a bit lighter of a read -- in the sense that there's not a bunch of twists and turns or faceslapping going around. There's still narrative weight to the characters' choices but it feels more focused on the emotions of the characters than on making a dogblood drama.

I also really enjoyed the cultivation meta in this book -- there were sections where we would get insight into why the main character did a certain thing and how he belived that would / could impact the universe / world / dao.

Check for content warnings under the cut.

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What kind of story is Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know?

This is a story that really breaks the fourth wall and doesn't take itself too seriously. Like Cyan Wings' other stories that I've read it is really funny and the characters are fantastic. If you like transmigration novels but dislike the trope of an all-powerful manipulative "System" that keeps that transmigrator in check then try this one! The main character is NOT a transmigrator but he does gain knowledge that breaks the fourth wall and there are times when he considers the people around them as if they were characters in a novel. Several of the main characters can also be read as asexual and / or aromantic which is really nice too.

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Throughout the story the main characters are growing and learning more about themselves and each other -- there's several times when a character reflects on how they had misunderstood another character or not known what was really in their hearts. This leads to the story feeling very emotional and tender as you slowly get to know the characters. This is mainly in regard to the main character and his love interest but its true for some of the supporting cast as well.

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Ultimately it feels like a story of two people (who whole-heartedly trust each other with their lives) slowly opening up and allowing themselves to be vulnerable with the other. There's also a good portion of the story that talks about heart demons and how that affects one of the characters -- it becomes a plot point even. It certainly takes the main pair a lot of work but once they are finally on the same page (ha) and treat each other as equals... it's very sweet and intimate.

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Who are the main characters?

Without going into details here's a little bit about our main squad:

WenRen E - Our main character. WRE is the leader of the XuanYuan demonic sect and an absolute badass. He somehow reminds me of both Yan Wushi from Thousand Autumns and Wei Wuxian from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. He is arrogant and prideful but also cares SO MUCH about the commonfolk in the world. He is absolutely ruthless when he needs to be but he has a line that he does not cross and he forbids his minions from crossing it either. There's also a lot of times where he's sussing out why or how something works a certain way and his understanding of the dao and the universe felt profound.

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Yin HanJiang - Our love interest. There's a specific post I've seen that is coming to mind but I can't remember how it's phrased... YHJ is loyal to WRE and ONLY WRE. He is submissive in the way a guard dog is -- he would follow WRE's every order and do everything in his power to protect him but at the same time he would not hesitate for a moment to attack anyone he viewed as a threat to WRE. At the beginning of the story he keeps a certain distance between himself and WRE but as the plot develops that distance becomes smaller and smaller.

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BaiLi QingMiao - the protagonist of the book that appears in WRE's hand which serves as the impetus for the story. WRE finds himself frustrated and confused at her actions a fair amount of time but over the course of the story she too grows up and gains a new outlook on life.

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Shu YanYan - a seductress demonic cultivator. She only dual cultivates with consenting partners and uses her cleverness to manipulate people. She also seems fairly uninterested in romance -- I think she alludes to not wanting to get her heart broken but she also seems very happy as things are with her various lovers.

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Qiu CongXue - hands down my favorite character in the story. I liked everyone but QCX is always speaking her mind and stirring up trouble. She has strong himbo energy and I don't want to spoil anything about her, just know that anytime she comes up it's going to be great.

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What is the plot of Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know?

One day a book suddenly appears in WenRen E's hand. This is notable because he is a very strong demonic cultivator and he didn't sense anything before the book appeared. So he looks at the book and decides to take it very seriously. He reads it. And he discovers that he is a character in a trashy romance novel, as is his most trusted subbordinate Yin HanJiang. He becomes very curious to find out if the other characters are real and if the events that happen in the book are destined to come true or if they can be changed. So he sets off and meets the protagonists of the novel and begins experimenting. Without spoiling things he is especially concerned about what happens to Yin HanJiang in the book. He also wants to know more about the novel's protagonists and their motivations.

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Click 'keep reading' to see trigger warnings.

ptsd, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, violence, manipulation and abuse, mention of torture, war, survivor's guilt, etc. The characters have some tragic backstories and there's some things in the novel that WRE reads that are disturbing -- but ultimately there's not "on screen" torture that the characters go through, the novel instead focuses on what's going on in the characters' psyche.

[cheekinpermission]

Happy 500 followers!!

How about 1 and 10 for the ask game?

Thank you for you participation, anon! Ask game is here! Send them in if you want <3

1. Who's hand did you first grab? Why? Would you choose someone else if you could do it over again?

I grabbed Idia's hand! When I first got into TWST, I had absolutely no clue what I was getting into so I really just went based on which voice actors I recognized LOL. I know Kōki Uchiyama from a ton of different anime (JJK, Buddy Daddies, Haikyuu, BNHA, Yuri on Ice, etc.) so I just went with his character. While Idia doesn't crack the top 5 for me, I don't think I'd choose again. The only reason I would is if it impacted the story somehow but I really doubt it will. I'm COMITTED.

10. Top five favorite characters?

Grim occupies all top five spots. BUT since that's boring, so I'll limit my choices to the main cast lmao. (My love for the dire beast is PROFOUND) I got VERY wordy here so here's the short answer: 1. Riddle Rosehearts

2. Vil Schoenheit

3. Malleus Draconia

4. Ruggie Bucchi

5. Kalim Al-Asim Explanation below the cut! (I got very excited to talk about my favorites and wrote a lot so I figured I'd condense it for people who didn't want to scroll through it all lol whoopsies.)

1. Riddle Rosehearts - I have no explanation for this?? He's pretty much the opposite of my usual favorite characters so idk what happened here. I've always been drawn to the Alice in Wonderland aesthetic so maybe that has something to do with it? He's got such great character writing, too?? Everything about his personality just makes sense when you know his backstory. When we learn that Riddle's tyrant of a mother was strict and controlling over him, the pieces just seem to fall into place. His whole life was just following her rules and studying like a good little boy, and when he stepped out of line even a little bit he was reprimanded harshly for it. Of course, he's going to the exact same thing once he's in a position of power. It's all he knows. He's just another version of his mother. Not only does he uphold the tradition of punishing rule breakers rather severely as he was when he was younger, I think there's also an element of fear there as well. Like, his mother just instilled an innate fear of breaking rules because bad things would happen if he didn't follow them exactly. I really do see Riddle as a scared little boy who is suddenly realizing that he was set up for failure by his own mother. And THEN he makes an honest effort to improve himself post-overblot?? His transformation after the fact is one of the more obvious ones and I'm just so proud of him. A THOUSAND HEAD PATS!! Okay, I'll stop rambling about him lmao I love Riddle sm (Also want to make clear I'm not saying Riddle was right for anything he did, only that I appreciate how his character was handled. Added for legal purposes so people don't come after me :c ) 2. Vil Schoenheit - This one comes as no surprise to me. Pretty boys who challenge gender stereotypes are RIGHT up my alley. Like Riddle, I think Vil has some great character writing is one of the more complex characters in the game. He just feels so compassionate to me?? I don't know how to explain it - he just gives such nurturing vibes. I'd trust this man with my drink at a bar fr fr. And then he tells Epel off for saying ballet is too "girly" for him?? Thank you TWST for bringing me this man. I pray at the altar of Vil Schoenheit. 3. Malleus Draconia - Doesn't Malleus top everyone's lists LOL I think my favoritism for the dragon man is more to do with his relationship with Yuu than anything else tbh. He's like one of three characters that actively engages with the main character and I think they've got such a fun relationship. Two people who feel very alone in the world finding friendship (or something more for you malleyuu shippers) in each other is so beautiful. I'm glad they can be there for each other like that. Side note: I adore romantic Malleyuu for sure, but I think it's equally as endearing if all of Malleus's flirtatious lines were never meant to be romantic but he's just really bad at communicating his feelings in a platonic way. Like, he doesn't mean to flirt he's just socially inept. 4. Ruggie Bucchi - Gremlin hyena boy is just too good for words. Ngl, I started off not really liking Ruggie all that much because of what he did in the Savanaclaw book. My mans was basically shoving people down flights of stairs?? I'm not really sure where the turn around happened tbh. Mischievous personality types do tend to draw me in in fiction so that probably has a lot to do with it. I also felt really bad for him at the end of the Savanaclaw book when Leona was ready to Thanos him out of existence despite everything Ruggie had done for him (and continues to do for him). I appreciate his work ethic, I can respect the hustle, and he's got such a cute little laugh. I wanna pet those big ole ears of his. Leona - pay this man more smh 5. Kalim Al-Asim - SUNSHINE BOY!!

He's such a breath of fresh air in this game LMAO. As much as I love the fact that most of the cast are unapologetically flawed, it's nice to have a few characters that are genuinely good people. His VA (Kazuki Furuta) absolutely kills it imo. I can hear his laugh in my head as I'm typing this - it's just so warm and happy :D He also breaks the sterotype of most rich characters in media by just being a nice person? He's not evil or greedy (although naive and entitled) and he just wants to be bffs with Jamil. Break his heart Jamil and we're gonna have WORDS. Also just like FORGAVE JAMIL??? His bfffl yeeted him across the desert, brainwashed him and admitted to wanting to get him kicked from the school and Kalim didn't really hold it against him. He was so understanding and sweet about everything AHHHHH

[soracities]

Ur so eloquent and i love ur posts about the societal pressures associated w makeup!!!! 💗💗💗 u put everything I feel & think about into coherent words and I so appreciate that! Also I would like to hear ur thoughts on plastic surgery bcuz I am also annoyed. If I see that smug smiley little dickhead plastic surgeon tiktoker on my FYP one more time saying “ohhh my patients r beautiful. Anyway here are all the procedures I’m gonna do to alter their ethnic nor unique features and make them look totally different” I’m gonna scream. The patronising pseudo-kindness is almost worse than when he goes completely mask-off about exploiting insecurity - like the vid he made laughing w the caption “when a 20yr old says she’s doesn’t need Botox bcuz she’s gonna age gracefully.” I’ve spent a lot of time cultivating a healthy self-esteem & generally not defining myself by my appearance - yet even I felt a flicker of my old insecurity seeing that post. I block every post referencing plastic surgery and I STILL get them. It’s incessant & so insidious - esp for poc. My 13yr old cousin (who watches lots of tiktok) told me she’s saving up for a nose job and a BBL when she turns 18 and my heart fkn broke. No 13yr old shld even KNOW the term BBL.

I feel so much for your younger sister, anon, because whatever else I may have gone through with my own insecurities at 13 (and they were profound and absolutely did a number on me), I genuinely cannot begin to imagine what it's like to cope with all of that in the age of TikTok and IG and the added pressure of beauty influencers magnifying everything.

Honestly, my thoughts on cosmetic surgery are very complicated--I don't think it's something that's ever going to go away, and to be honest I'm not even sure if it's about that. I know people who've had cosmetic procedures done and I know it was something deeply important for them and I know how much happier and at ease they felt afterwards--I'm not going to judge or begrudge anyone that happiness because the reality is, as much as it would be amazing if we all loved and celebrated ourselves and each other, everyone's individual constellation of insecurities and worries is completely different and not everyone will be able to address them in the same way.

To live in a world where we are not defined and punished for our physical differences would be an incredible thing, but we don't live in that kind of world--and so learning to be at peace with yourself in the midst of the world we do have, learning to accept your body or any individual aspects of your appearance is incredibly difficult--and these difficulties are influenced even more by gender, or race, or the culture in which you live etc., or even just the people around you. Do I wish my friends could see what I see? Of course. But I also don't know what they see, or how deeply that runs, or the impact that has on them. Because I also know that, when it comes to myself, I don't see what they see, either. I've said before that I find prominent noses absolutely beautiful--but I know that I cannot impose this on someone who has had to live their life under constant comments about their nose (or any other feature), to the point where they feel that is all they are to people. I don't condemn people for the choices they make in this, but I do condemn the structures and societal expectations that force some people into certain choices in the first place by normalising this idea that there is a "correct" way to look (and I'm not immune to it either--I have a lot of profound insecurities that are incredibly difficult to get past).

It's very similar to how I view makeup in some respects because whatever choices people make when it comes to cosmetic procedures should feel like choices to them. But not all cosmetic procedures are made equally and my real issue with cosmetic surgery (and in my mind I distinguish it from plastic surgery because they are not the same to me), more than anything else, is when it becomes a tool for upholding and celebrating particular beauty standards that are deeply gendered, politicized and racialised while claiming it is "just" a matter of aesthetics, which is deeply, deeply insidious to me. "Aesthetics" have never been neutral. Even the language we use in talking about it isn't neautral: "fix", "adjust", "improve" etc. Improve according to whom? Why do they decide this? At the end of the day, no matter what you say about the golden ratio there is nothing wholly objective about beauty because human beings are not static Ideals; you cannot distill beauty into a mathematic formula like a conch shell because beauty is not something separate from the thing it occupies. These ideals work for Plato, but we are living, breathing, moving, exsiting in the here and now. A static image of a beautiful woman in a Vogue covershoot is just that: an image. And all the rules that govern that image fall apart the moment the model moves again, the moment she becomes a person again.

And besides, nothing can be "just" aesthetics in a world with the warped beauty standards that we have. There's nothing neutral about nose jobs in a society marred with as much anti-black racism and antisemitism as ours. There's nothing neutral about BBLs in a society that fetishizes black women's (and other woc) bodies as ours. There's nothing neutral about buccal fat removal in a society so plagued by thinness as not just a physical but also a moral ideal. I read a horrifying article on GQ a few months back about men undergoing cosmetic surgery to widen their jawlines so they appear more "manly"--and a surgeon in the article casually said one of these patients also "needed a rhinoplasty" which made me see red: nobody needs their face smashed open for the sake of an arbitrary standard whose very purpose (Beauty) requires the existence, and therefore manipulation and condemnation, of its opposite in order to appear valid. These beauty standards only have value so long as their opposites have no value--but these "opposites" are not disembodied traits: they are real human features that belong to real breathing human beings who have to live surrounded with this rhetoric for their entire lives. There's nothing neutral to me about looking at a human face and dissecting all of its features, ascribing values to some, and disparaging others, as though they exist as separate building blocks you can rearrange at will. In some instances, it skirts too close phrenology for me, and I'm not saying that lightly.

These are some of my thoughts but as I said, my views on this are very complicated and I have to be careful how I talk about some of it because there are some things that genuinely make me deeply angry. Again, I don't believe the solution is to get rid of cosmetic surgery, because I don't think that will ever really work and I think it misses the point--most people will always have something about themselves they'll want to change or just wish was different and for some people more than others they will want to make that change: and I would much rather people have access to legal, qualified, accountable medical professionals when they do. But in cases like your sister, in cases like that GQ article, in cases like that TikTok surgeon (I have no words, anon, truly...), or really just TikTok in general, in cases like ethnic rhinoplasty and eyelid surgery, the fact that the number of people getting Botox has grown since the increase in video calls and Zoom meetings....in all honesty at this point I am just tired and infuriated by our refusal to have an actual conversation about the society these procedures exist in and are normalised within and I'm especially tired when influencers and celebrities make a point of not being upfront about their own procedures. I don't care what people get done or why (as long as its a freely made choice for no one else's sake but yours), but I do care when we make it as acessible as these procedures are now, when they are tacitly (and in some cases outright) encouraged, and yet talking about them or admitting to having had that work done is somehow gauche and I am incredibly tired of it!

[lgbtlunaverse]

Recently I saw a post that was like "grouping jiang cheng ships by how much they're about wei wuxian" so i'm gonna steal that concept and do "grouping ochako ships by how much they are about midoriya izuku"

Inviting comparisons to wwx and jc's relationship, it would probably have made more sense to do this with bakugou, but I'm 500 times more insane about Ochako so. Someone else will have to do that.

Ochako ships that are about midoriya:

Izuocha: midoriya is literally in this ship. He's right there. This is at least 50% about him by necessity.

Kacchako: The most popular shipname uses Midoriya's nickname for Bakugou as a portmanteau instead of his actual name. I think that tells you everything you need to know. This ship has always had a bit of "solving a love triangle by ignoring the axis" energy for me. And that's a compliment! I like that kind of stuff! You definitely can make kacchako not about midoriya, but you'd have to work for it.

Ochako ships that are not about midoriya:

Tsuchako: Girls! This ship is not about midoriya. in fact it's not about any men. If you're a man, get out.

Iidaocha: Yes, they both know Izuku and are friends with him but he's a background character in their dynamic, they would still be friends even if it weren't for him. This ship is about friends to lovers, mutual trust & competency, and the fun of contrasting personalities.

Minaocha: Protagonist halo gets a little in the way here. A lot of minaocha's canon interactions are mina teasing ochako about her crush on izuku, so he's kind of a plot device in this ship by necessity. But that's not really what the ship is about. Minaocha is about the 2023 barbie movie.

Schrodinger's izuku:

Togachako: narrative foils! Homoromantic stabbing! The classic 1872 gothic novella carmilla! This ship could be about Midoriya if you wanted it to. The charm he gave Uraraka is a major motif in their relationship. Toga starts out liking both izuku and ochako. From what i've seen it's pretty popular among bkdk fans to frame these two as a bkdk parralel and of course in canon they foil izuku & tenko as a hero-villain pair. But izuku is not integral to this ship, he doesn't have to be there.

Todochako: Unlike iidaocha, these two probably wouldn't have become such close friends in canon if they hadn't both been friends with izuku first, mostly because of the profound impact izuku's had on shouto's early character development. But it takes less effort to make it "not about midoriya" than something like kacchako so it goes in this category. Like iidaocha, this is really more about friends to lovers and contrasting personalities and being just, really cute, honestly.

[ntenvs3000f24]

Unit 10 Blog Post

In reflecting on the journey of being a nature interpreter, I find myself drawn to the question of “why”? Why I choose to share the outdoors with others, why this field resonates so deeply with me, and why I believe the work I do has lasting value. My connection to nature has always been personal, filled with small, cherished moments that shaped my understanding of the world and my place within it. Growing up I found wonder and curiosity in natural spaces, and loved movies like The Odd Life of Timothy Green. This movie was one of the first pieces that showed me nature is both calming and inspiring and interesting and filled with so many different aspects to it. Now as I take on a role where I introduce others to this same world, I feel that it is a great responsibility to foster the same sense of wonder and connection in the next generation. 

My belief in nature’s ability to nurture resilience, curiosity, and empathy forms the foundation of my ethic as an environmental interpreter. I believe that nature is a place where we can learn vital life skills including patience, adaptability, and interconnectedness. In the course material, John Rodenburg’s observation that environmental education can feel like attempting to “Stop a rushing river armed only with a teaspoon” resonates with me. Yet, like him, I continue the work because I believe that each encounter with nature can create a lasting impact. Every interaction, no matter how small, can begin a journey of respect and stewardship. I believe that nature interpretation goes beyond sharing facts, instead it's about creating meaningful experiences that reach the heart and mind. 

As an interpreter, I feel a profound responsibility to create a safe space for children and adults to engage with nature. This includes not just physical safety but also emotional safety, where curiosity can flourish without judgment. I see myself as a connection between people and the environment, helping others recognize their place and the importance of nature itself. My goal is to foster connections that help people feel both a sense of responsibility and belonging within the natural world. Rodenburg’s approach of introducing children to nature through stories, such as his students’ experience with the killdeer, is a method I find especially powerful. Stories personalize the experience, helping people to feel connected, empathy and responsibility towards nature. 

My approach to nature interpretation is rooted in authenticity and personal connection. I prefer letting experiences unfold naturally, encouraging discovery rather than leading it. Rodenburg’s advice to let children “own” their discoveries resonates deeply with me. I aim to frame my teaching around curiosity and open-ended exploration, asking questions like “What do you see or hear?” or “What do you think lives here?” rather than presenting immediate answers. This method allows for individual journeys and fosters that previous sense of wonder that I previously mentioned! These thoughts then get carried further. 

I also believe in the power of microenvironments! These small, contained spaces where detailed exploration is possible always brings such joy to young faces. This could be a fallen log, a cluster of flowers, or even a single tree. By focusing on these smaller worlds, I can help people see that nature is accessible and meaningful, even in the smallest forms. My approach is one of appreciation, inviting others to recognize the beauty and value in what initially seems ordinary. 

Ultimately, I hope my work as an interpreter inspires others to see nature not as a general abstract concept, but as an intimate, cherished part of their lives. As I've shared throughout these blog posts, nature has become a profoundly beautiful and meaningful presence in my own life. Recently, I’ve had the joy of witnessing my baby cousins begin their journey with nature, discovering the world outside with wide-eyed curiosity. Watching them grow alongside nature has been a wonderful experience. Though they are so young and may not fully grasp everything they encounter, their excitement and fascination are undeniable. Their parents and family, including myself, have woven nature into their daily routines, from gardening together, to exploring outdoors, fostering a foundation of love and appreciation for the environment. It’s inspiring to see these small yet powerful steps that are helping to nurture the next generation of nature lovers and stewards.

My personal “So What?” is rooted in the belief that fostering a deep appreciation for nature can lead to long-lasting environmental stewardship. By helping others build meaningful relationships with nature, I contribute to a community of individuals who are young but, hopefully, will act with empathy and respect toward the planet. My goal is not to create perfect environmentalists but to push them to care and be curious. In this work, I strive to bring my values of patience and openness to each encounter, believing that these traits will resonate and encourage others to develop their own morals toward the natural world. As we continue this journey, I hope each small act of interpretation contributes to a larger movement, one that builds a society that deeply understands, respects, and cherishes its relationship with nature. A society that sees the environment not just as a backdrop for life, but as a living, breathing part of it, a place we’re truly a part of, not just a place we occupy. 

I wanted to add a picture that made me appreciate our world even more to end off my blog: