#it feels weird to talk about my crush on here
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āCRAZYā things iāve manifested from the void and my imagination.
All my family members stop aging at 22-30
Being able to endure the coldest temperatures
Being able to hear anyone from FAR FAR FAR distances
Revised my age like 3 times, i was born 2007 but permanently made myself 16
Immune to dying in any way except a peaceful death if desired
my cat living until i basically pass over (whenever i desire)
keeping everything iāve manifested forever and if i were reincarnate i would be born with everything i had in this reality
my celebrity crush (i changed his age so it wouldnāt be weird)
Animals being able to talk to me
Everything being free for me (because i was tired of currency so basically everything for me and my family is free)
Reversed my friendās tumor
Immune to getting any type of disease/sickness
Never a boring or dull day
Time controlling basically
Being able to stay underwater for as long as i want without coming up for air
Being able to read people like a book (no manipulation around here!!)
My english getting better (i rarely use it)
If someone has animosity towards me or is wishing harm on me (digitally,physically, internally) it will appear in my dreams and will send intense karma their way
Having a hairless body forever (except my eyebrows and eyelashes and my hair lol)
Everyday feels like 2014-2017
Being able to drive how i want and permanently avoiding all car accidents
And a lot more. sorry for the spam guys but i just wanted to put what i manifested out there since i had plenty of questions about it, if i can manifest this crazy stuff then so can you!
Until next time! (^-^)/
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Been thinking about Chris in the college AUā¦
I think heās a fuckboy, but at his core he has trad sensibilities (because heās an asshole). So he fucks around with girls at college, but his ultimate goal is to find a nice girl to marry who can stay in his house and raise his kids so she never has to use that pretty little college degree.
Maybe heās a sophomore now, so heās still looking to chase tail, not quite ready to find his wife, so heās not looking very hard.
But then Leon keeps talking about you. And poor Leonā¦ he has no idea that him talking about his crush on you and all of the things he likes about you is like dropping bleeding prey in a shark tank. If Leon had kept his crush a secret, you might never have been noticed by any of them! But now it seems like every guy in his frat wants a piece of you!
And Chris sees you occasionally around campus, in class, almost never at any parties. Youāre a good student, well dressed (mostly modest!), with great hips and a great rack (childbearing!!). And one day he sees you sitting with Ashley for coffee, and you take a napkin to wipe some whipped cream from her mouth for her, and Chris has to run back to the house to take a cold shower because he can so easily imagine you doing the same thing to his babies when you have them. What?
Youāre almost never at the frat parties, cause youāre a good girl. And when you are, he never sees you go off with any guys, never lets them feel you up, you never get sloppy and drunk like that other sluts that come to these things. You just delicately sip from your cup, smiling and laughing with your little group of friends. You wear such nice jewelryā his ring on your finger would fit so perfectly with your look. What?
And the way you brush off Krauser and Leon when theyāre being sleazy and quite frankly, desperate. He mightāve fallen for you at the exact same moment as Krauser. And Chris has such a superiority complex about his attraction to you. Leon just has a stupid little boy crush, Krauser wants to dick you down stupid, and to be honestā¦ heās not entirely certain what Luis is angling for, but he knows itās probably not anything virtuous. But Chris wants to make an honest woman outta you š so in his mind, heās the only one pursuing you for the ārightā reasons.
And if youāre friends with Clair, heās totally taking advantage of that. Fishing for information about you, asking if you maybe have somewhere to go during holiday breakā¦
-š±
Yeah tbh that sums Chris really well up ;; Also I apologize for not answering sooner I just had a lot going on with uni work and it really hindered my writing attempts </3
And yes, Chris is definitely that type of guy that will fuck any girl that is willing but they are the sluts!! They are the hoes who don't respect themselves and are only after the dick!!1 And he is the nice guy who will fuck them and throw them out afterwards bc he 'doesn't do feelings' or shit like that.
Chris is here only for a good time and ofc experience! Like you said, despite being an asshole and a obnoxious party and fuckboy, he has weirdly traditional values at heart; white picked fence, a sweet stay at home wife with a baby on her hip for who he will gladly provide for as the loving and caring husband and will need all the sexual experience to make his wifey feel good...But he still has time! He is in college for 'all the experiences' more than the education itself and he's not the sharpest tool in the shed with how reckless he is but that's fine!
...Until it isn't
It was all fine and dandy until Leon started to bring you up, some girl he met in class and was gushing over you. Okay, weird enough since Leon wasn't really the gushing type but fair enough, nothing to worry over. But then it started to escalate and Chris started to wonder what is going on with his friend. Leon stopped going on those casual dates, stopped hooking up, never even glanced at another girl and his whining about you got even worse.
The final straw for Chris was when he caught Leon jacking off and filming himself while whining something about 'please respond I send you a cumshot video, now you have to send me a pussy pic, please even a tit pic please-' and Chris knew he had to get to know this girl that made Leon so pussy whipped without even seeing it as far as he knows!
And yeah Chris probably saw you for the first time during that one party where you and your little friend rejected Krauser's advances and Chris almost snorted his drink out and spat on the girl he was flirting with; suits that blonde asshole right, and you're...You're honestly incredible in Chris's eyes. So assertive and composed...Your clothes on the more revealing side, your tits almost spilling out of that dress, fuck...But still nowhere slutty like other girls!
Chris definitely has a weird superiority complex; despite the fact that he's arguably the worst hypocrite out of the group he still believes that his love for you is the only 'real' one; Leon is a dumb horny rich boy with a middle school crush, Krauser will sleaze over pretty girls all the time and Luis is a certified ladies man, he refers to himself in that way for fucks sake! And then there is Chris who wants to wife you up! Isn't he charming?? Just please ignore those girls who complain about the hookups he had with them, they are probably just bitter that he threw them out <3
#kin speaks#asks#interactions#waaaah I'm so sorry for not responding and not being as interactive ;;#college!au#resident evil 4 x reader#chris redfield x reader#chris x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy x reader#jack krauser x reader#chris redfield#chris resident evil#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy#jack krauser#krauser x reader#re4 krauser
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m'answering this because i'm bored. if my moots wanna do this, go on ahead :D!!
1) taller or shorter
it doesn't really matter that much to me.
2) talkative or quiet
being talkative makes it easier for me to go with the conversation.
3) opposite or same sex
4) short or long hair
both. at first, i found short hair really cute on him, then i saw a picture of my crush with longer hair (it was able to reach his own shoulders and was tie-able. in addition to that, he was wearing glasses! (* >_<)), so he turned out to look really cute, which is why i can't pick.
5) western or asian
because he's asian too, LOL.
6) bad or cute
7) sports or music
MMMUSIC. to be frank, i was never big on guys who were into sports. especially basketball players. no offense, though. šš
8) hot or nerd
nerd all the way >>>
9) older or younger
doesn't matter.
10) go out or stay in
both works! i know that he likes staying in more, even though i'm quite the opposite. i don't really mind doing this or that, as long as i'm with him. AAAAAA-- (Ā“ć¤Ļļ¼ļ½”)
11) movies or karaoke
really, i'd just use this as an excuse to hear his singing voice. it's actually very deep and mellow.
12) looks or personality
i could never really get over how adorkable he was in the 7th grade. there's a video of him dancing to this minecraft parody, and while all my friends cringed, what i did was laugh and kick my feet in giddiness.
13) wears glasses or not
WEARS GLASSES ,, HANDS DOWN. he never wore them to school back in the 7th grade (before i switched schools), so i just assumed he had 20/20 vision. later on, i saw a picture of him in the 9th grade, AND HE WAS WEARING THEM. I LITERALLY COULDN'T GET OVER HOW CUTE HE WAS IN THAT PHOTO.
14) shy or outgoing
he's actually quite outgoing (which i find really cool since he's an introvert), but not to the point where he'd walk up to a stranger and ask them about their day.
15) early bird or night owl
we used to vc until it was late at night. too bad he always had a curfew, so he couldn't go past the 2AM mark. otherwise, i would've stayed up to listen to him talk a while more even though i, myself, have a curfew (can't be awake past 12AM, but stays up anyway).
16) introvert or extrovert
y'know, for him to he an introvert is so hard to believe because he gets so chatty in a vc with like eleven other people. i'm an extrovert, but even i can't handle that.
17) text or call
i'm telling you-- we vced more times than he sent me text messages. š
18) flirt or be flirted
neither! i don't like flirting, nor do i see him doing it.
19) hug or kiss
m'too young to be kissing. one on the cheek may be plausible, but any more than that, and i might just explode. š«”
20) polite or funny
21) drink or nope
i don't really know if they mean alcohol, but since i can see myself NEVER getting into all that, i wouldn't want him to start drinking either (which i doubt will happen anyway).
22) cold or romantic
romantic. and not in a rose-in-mouth, smirky, grand hollywood kind of way because that freaks me out.
23) ex or someone new
i've never dated in my life. :D
24) s/o loves you or you love them
how about loving eachother an equal amount?
#it feels weird to talk about my crush on here#broororor i like him lots (*ļ¼Š“ļ¼)#JENFKWJDOWND JUST RE-READ EVERYTHING AND REALIZED HOW STUPID THIS ALL SOUNDS#i like him more than kita shinsuke#what is HAPPENING#this isn't me#chz#it totally is#he's so cute#js realised that my ideal type is based all around him#HDSHWKSHJSHDKSH NO WAY#<3
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Spock, who overheard that McCoy has a crush on a colleague and is giving him some advice as second in command: per your conversation in engineering with mr scott
McCoy, who has a crush on Spock but is barely registering that Spock has found out cos he's so delighted to hear that Spock eavesdrops: oh you overheard? A little looky loo? Lot of peeping tom energy here
Spock, exasperated because he is going above and beyond his role to advise a colleague and friend in a hard time: it is especially complicated when the command structure is not straight forward, such as with medical staff
McCoy, who is pretty sure he didn't admit to having a crush on Spock at any time last night so is feeling pretty safe about this weird chat: I know how medical override works
Spock, who thinks McCoy has a crush on M'Benga cos he put two and one together to get six and isn't aware he's jealous: I am more concerned about general healthcare delivery
McCoy, suddenly just been slapped with the realisation that Spock is talking about himself and McCoy's specialised doctoring to him: right
Spock, pleased to get some traction in putting a stop to this possible relationship. Still totally obtuse as to why he wants it to not happen: I'm glad you take my point. It is my professional opinion as first officer
McCoy, who absolutely respects a patient telling him to not get distracted in his role as a doctor. But also is feeling quite the sting of rejection: good talk
Spock, slightly unsettled by how upset McCoy is at the end of this, but comforted that it shouldn't last. M'Benga is an impressive man, though, and now that it's over he can appreciate that: I understand your interest, of course. The medical mind...
McCoy, who will always land in anger if he has a choice: your a cocky fucker
You know I haven't written a fic where McCoy is just like. In love with Spock. And knows it and is working with it and it's not a problem. Definitely not gonna come to anything haha so he can just keep on trucking. That could be a fun fic
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Is there like a thing. For being a lesbian but being attracted to fictional men. Certain fictional men are so lovely in theory and they have all the qualities id be attracted to in a partner but then thinking about dating a real man? Yuck yuck yuck no thank you. Perhaps I need to change my url to repressedbisexualfakir
#I wish people werenāt sooooooo weird about labels#like#I mean gold star lesbians and the like you all know thatās bullshit#but I feel like if I went into a lesbian space and was like this fictional guy is so hot#theyād laugh at me#the key word here is FICTIONAL#he canāt get me#lea talks#just to be clear Iām not one of those guys who are like ewww men#I just? genuinely canāt see myself dating one in real life????#sobbing#my teenage fictional man crush was Sam gamgee btw and I stand by it#if I met a sam irl I would drop everything to be bisexual
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i always feel like there's such an underappreciated aspect of lumpus being the one to have feelings for slinkman (over the years) which is that there's something so Hilarious about him wanting to dump his head in a vat of acid because he's thinking stupid mushy shit, or Worse, about this Thing again
who also does not pick up on this at all and just thinks he's being weird again
#camp lazlo#talk#shipping stuff#scoutmaster lumpus#slinkman#slinkman.jpg is always there for us#you love your silly little slug don't you scoutmaster lumpus...#''an underappreciated aspect'' there's only like 3 people in the world who've ever written in-depth thoughts about them in general syd#it's just so easy for me because i also see slinkman doing anything and i'm like (holding my head in my hands) wtf#My Beloved Slinkman Calms Me Down#i think about it a lot though because before i started joining in over here#slinkman being the one with the crush is what i would see like 99% of the time#but i Literally had to actually go and plot things out for lumpus to get better before i could see slinkman liking him back#and that's also why i have this Entire larger picture here#where in the grand scheme of things i'm not even really imposing on canon in that way...#i'm not really planning for tension to be at the forefront there#its some other weird shit going on. y'know. until other stuff gets revealed in the past and the future#the whole process here is like a 30-year journey we're taking the advanced course and still not ending with anything labelled#so i do get it especially with lumpus being preoccupied with jane#and yet still not for a moment have i subscribed to slinkman having feelings first āļø
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somtimes a boy's just gotta recognize the girl he used to be and acknowledge what she did for him and then move on to keep living his life knowing she's watching proud of what he's done
#i really feel like i am a boy who used to be a girl#and I don't really acknowledge that because it can be really triggering for my dysphoria#but that girl learned about being queer#she has childish crushes on girls and callrd herself a lesbian and learned about the existence of trans people#she did most of the work to get me where i am#and sometimes i feel like she was someone else entirely#and it's a little weird to feel like the boy i am now was never an innocent kid#but that was the girl. she let me become who i am and stepped aside#but i think she'd be proud of what I've done#how far I've come#so i just wanted to appreciate her for a minute#good job younger me. you got me here. i appreciate all the work you did <3#transmasc#ftm#personal#oliver talks about himself again#transgender#please be kind I'm just thinking about my own personal experiences with gender#feel free to reblog though#queer#lgbtqia
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anyone else ever get struck with a sudden feeling of distaste or being tired of someone who you usually really like/are friends with for literally no reason whatsoever? or is that just me
#like this has been happening with various people all summer#I'll be like... the thought of this person causes negative emotions that are literally directed at nothing#it isn't anything the person has done I just. feel like I don't care and don't really want to put in the effort with whatever friend#which is really weird bc I KNOW if I DO just put in the effort and ignore that random feeling I'll have fun and enjoy myself!!#bc I DO still like my friends actually!!! I just sometimes feel like I Don't and idk why#Lu rambles#this is especially odd when it's the sound guy bc like. not only have I been massively crushing on him all summer#but he's also one of the few people I genuinely have clicked with here. like we get along. it's cool. I've been slightly in love with him#so why do I now have this weird feeling like I want nothing to do with him/don't care#actually I feel extremely ambivalent about just about everyone right now but for some reason especially him#wait maybe it's PMS actually.... the Leave Me Alone Don't Talk To Me Don't Look At Me Don't Make Me Show Up hormones have hit :/#...that would actually explain several things from the last couple days. I should start tracking it#ok sorry I'm done externally processing my emotions on Tumblr dot com. bye
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad š
#ash rambles š#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. š.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit š#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys š I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful šø
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my mental health has been so funny lol, so many things going on and feeling insane about this girl (who isn't even related to me!!!) isn't exactly helping.
#surely staying up and feeling weird is the solution#ugh it's just I'm so .... fucking gay for her to be really blunt about it and she's really nice and obviously likes me back#but she's so hard to read sometimes and I'm always scared of upsetting her or something or saying something weird#or that I'm being overly familiar#and we talk like all the fucking time like all day and i feel weird when we're not talking#and that's so obviously just blatant normal crushing but it's so much more intense than usual#and the worst thing is i know I'm such a shit person to date and i keep having such weird relationships with people#and being so insane and being plural doesn't help and it's just messy and weird and i sorta Just would like to hug her and talk about it#but she lives in another country so oh well!#sorry i am having some thoughts lol also my brother isn't here T-T
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<3
#my besties here at college#when i came in we used to talk about stuff and she'd get surprised and ask me how i notice such small things#and have detailed description of everything#and always made jokes on me being deep analyzer and taking things too seriously#it was fun mostly but one time she made it in front of bcg that was when i began to have crush on him#i got so defensive i actually said not my fault you view life so blantly and superficially#how can you not see the beauty that comes in patterns that must feel awful being that oblivious almost disrespectful to nature#and i said it ofc in the funny manner and that may sound really rude but she took it in a positive way#so she began taking interest in everything and started to try to discuss and know my opinions about everything#and i loved that there was someone listening so fascinately like a kid#simultaneously she uses a lot of shuddh hindi vocab not even adults speak like that#and it was just weird to me to listen them in normal conversations#but since ive been good at hindi literature and have a good vocab i tried it too#used to feel so awkward at first almost like the words took too much effort to come out of mouth#because obviously i grew to learn the internet slangs and their medium is english so my mode of expression in hindi was#but now she surprises me with talking about things and noticing what escapes my attention#and i have to mock her say its not that deep#and i while speaking use too many shudh hindi words and then when she can't find a word i think before and give synonyms as well#and we both laugh#ive said this before ig
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill š still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR ššš bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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I really don't wanna dislike him but between fandom's tendency to forget the bad stuff he did but also seeing people ONLY talk about the bad stuff he did and basically never bring up the good aspects of his character and seeming to resent him I'm worried that's rubbing off on me and like. I don't dislike him but liking him is getting a lot harder these days and it's genuinely upsetting to me
#smol has a vent#Im sure yall know who I'm talking about cause like he's why I'm in the fandom! He's my lockscreen! My first proper fictional crush!#I don't want to not like him! He made me so happy in those first 2 games and seeing him show up after made me happy#But idk man it feels. Weird. Difficult. To talk about him with others cause it always seems to come back to#'ugh he did all this horrible stuff why does fandom love him' and I know I KNOW you're right but please. We know why. He's a good character#Bad stuff included. It could've and SHOULD'VE been written better like a LOT in this franchise but it's especially egregious here#Look this ain't at anyone in particular it's just no matter how often you say 'I still like him BUT' at this point I don't really wanna tal#About him cause I think it's just gonna make me sad. I'm holding off on getting to that point but I ain't got the best mental#Or emotional fortification so. Yeah.#Im just kinda sad tbh.
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dining hall energy is so fucked
#boink#school tag#i hate it here#but if i go home i will fall asleep#anyway i have one friend that i do stuff outside of class and rehearsal with#but things are#..#weird rn#:/#so#idk#i just cant be alone or i will start losing it so fast#i need to get dinner but they have a new buffet system and im so scared to do it by myself#i spent three hours today with the guy i like#two of which were impromptu#it was pleasant#i need to get over him#i care about him a lot but the crush part of that has to end#he's in love with someone else lol#he told me about how theyre hanging out this weekend and he seemed so happy#and i am very happy that he's finally getting somewhere with this person#however. for my own sake. i need to move on asap#i especially do not need him catching on to my feelings. sk#so . so so so#he's so lovely though. he's just so lovely#i can hardly listen to him talk without smiling#he's very into math.#he's applying to grad schools and he said that if he can't get in anywhere for what he's looking for he'll do quantum computing. as a backup#in many ways i dont really know what to make of him#he hates people. he loves his friends. hes a mathematician. hes a communist. he hates engineering. hes kind of clueless. hes wonderful.
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okay. i am going to continue being stupid. and lowkey embarrassing. and a big stupid fucking idiot. i donāt know whatās wrong w me just ignore me forever okay? okay <3
#why why why why why why why why#i donāt even know what to say anymore my brain is going one thousand miles per hour and itās all STUPID !!!!#why am i lowkey 24 years old a grown ass adult with literally the stupidest circumstantial crush rn#i donāt even wanna admit thatās what it is cause like. girl. why am i the worlds biggest idiot#i want to bash my head into a wall i donāt even know his name! i never spoke to the man! i know nothing! about him!!#im usually rlly good about not letting myself get all worked up over ppl i find attractive#but for some reason this feels out of my control. iām trying to just like. get over it. but my brain just wonāt stop being so FUCKING#stupid and itās SO embarrassing!!#what iām about to say is especially embarrassing to admit but like. idk what to do idk why this happening#i keep catching myself like. daydreaming abt what it would be like 2 hold his hand or give him a hug#i just wanna wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hands on my waist and i dont!! know where this is coming from!!!!!!!!#i wish i could spray my brain with a water bottle every time this happens because frankly this is just getting ridiculous#we are not gonna marry the man! we never spoke to him! weāre never going to see him again for the rest of our lives okay!!#get it together dumbass. so we saw a beautiful boy at a wedding reception and became enamored with his mannerisms so what who cares#it doesnāt matter u know! so what if it was attractive how he sat with his leg propped up while he looked at his camera#or how u caught him buttoning and unbuttoning his little jacket over and over. or the way he leaned against the wall to watch the crowd#or his stupid dumb cute lil smile or how the few times you accidentally made eye contact w him ur heart went all pap pap and shit#it was just a fleeting moment! who gives a shit!! get over it!!#god. itās especially embarrassing cause iām here obsessed w the man still desperately wishing i could talk to him and idk learn everything#about him. and i know damn well to him i was just some creepy girl who wouldnāt stop staring at him. he probably thinks im like. plotting#his death or something. iām not. but i should probably plot my own if i donāt get over this soon#idk idk idk i literally donāt know why this is happening!#weāve seen hot ppl before why is this different! god!!!!!!!#i havenāt felt this way abt someone in such a long time#and itās just frustrating knowing just how stupid i am sitting here like this#cause i know he doesnāt care. he doesnāt know me. and thatās fine! idk why my brain is doing this!#whats wrong w me genuinely. i canāt control whatās happening is so fucking weird#i truly feel like im going insane i canāt make sense of why this is happening to me#stupid stupid stupid stupid SO embarrassing idk idk#snow.txt
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers
1. my friends - i don't know where i'd be without any of the people i've met in life. they've all changed me in ways that better myself as a person. anytime i can make them laugh or smile especially makes me genuinely happy.
2. creating art and maps - i don't make a whole lot of either these days, but there's a general kind of happiness i get in creating something. i'd love to get back into creating maps in Source again at some point. truthfully, i got a little nostalgic the other night looking back on some SFM renders i helped work on back in 2020. seeing them reminded me of how much i genuinely love posing characters in 3D, and it makes me sad that i don't do much of it since.
3. my ocs - Boe, Ruce, and Gelato are all fun characters for me to think about and write up details for. had been reminded of that fact while writing up details for Gelato recently. Boe, i feel like im always kinda stuck trying to figure out more of his lore details, but that's kind of symbolic to me in how i definitely feel his life feels very... stand-still-ish given he lives in limbo. some day, i'd love to finally figure out more details regarding his life.
4. zarbon from dbz - i feel kinda silly, including him on this list, but whenever i do catch myself feeling really lonely, thinking about him helps. it's definitely the reason why Gelato wears arm warmers for emotional support, even if in canon i don't imagine he'd even know who Zarbon is... maybe.
5. my memory - i wouldn't say i have photographic memory, but i tend to fascinate myself with how much stuff i'm able to remember from my life, early on and such. finding things and seeing they were atleast 80% accurate to what i remember continues to surprise me. i always hear about how your memories growing up aren't as accurate later on in life, but i constantly find myself remembering stuff pretty well. i'll get some details wrong, like confusing morning for night in a memory or two, but what's important to me is that i took note of it being dark. it's not something that makes me happy in a boastful kind of way... it's something that makes me happy in more fascination than anything else... if that makes sense.
#ask#maryaustria#this took me a while to answer so im sorry it took me so long mary#i wrote down the first three... and got stumped trying to figure out a fourth and fifth#maybe that's telling of something but. idk i think there's things that make me happy that i dont necessarily think about#or like. alternatively. in ways i cant explain.#like my sense of humor for example. that makes me happy but it's not really in a way i can explain properly.#but yeah. thinking and writing stuff about Gelato has been breathing life into me in a way i cant define.#i adore him a lot. as somewhat of a reflection of myself in ways.#as much as i do Boe and how he's both a reflection of me and not#i feel bad not talking a whole lot about Ruce. id like to really flesh some stuff out for him besides just being a weird goopy mawed gator#i do have stuff written for him within the past year. and i did get to draw him a little for a post i did on here a while back#id like to do the same for Gelato at some point. i gotta try drawing him myself at some point. like with how i do with Boe#genuinely i do kinda get a laugh out of Gelato being deemed to wear arm warmers for emotional support. just because of the reasons behind it#like some higher power that created you gave you something to help you emotionally because they have a crush on some fictional being#but also it's kinda symbolic of me and how i am with Zarbon as a character.#but anyway. thank you for this ask Mary :)
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