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silverofthunder · 6 months ago

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☆ the prisoner ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN Reader || 🔞 MDNI 🔞

summary: Bying an abandoned house in the middle of the nowhere had seemed like a good idea. But as the nightmares came to plague your dreams, you started slowly to realize that the place you had thought would be a calm, safe haven to you, was anything but that.

content/warnings: 5k words, mystery (kind of), evil demonic creature!Copia, demonic powers, emotional manipulation, nightmares, self-harming, vomiting, non-con vibes, hurt (with minimal comfort), suicidal thoughts, kind of dark & twisted romance, obsessive & possessive behavior

⚫!! this fic might disturbing as there is no nice things happening; Copia is pure evil in this, so if there's something triggering, i suggest you don't read this !! ⚫

I don't know what got into me but I got this idea of something really dark and this piece was born. I've never written anything like this but oh, how fun it was to just go wickedly wild with this. Evil!Copia might own me after this. I'm also kinda scared to post this but hey, this is a work of fiction so... I went to straight into the deep end. Hope that some of you like this!

You should have known it wasn’t a good idea. Bying an abandoned house that was in the middle of nowhere must have been your first idea that was actually the worst. Not that you knew it until it was too late.

But the house had looked so cool – it had something that called you right from the very fist time you saw a picture of it. But when you actually saw it with your eyes, you knew you had to get it and after a few weeks you got the announcement that it was yours. You were so happy when you got the keys and could finally start planning some renovations that needed to be done. You didn’t want to change too much as the house had some character and it didn’t take that long until you could finally stay there.

You enjoyed the quietness, the surrounding forest – after living in a bigger town for several years, it felt like a heaven to finally be able to breathe some fresh air and not feel the rush that seemed to always be present in town. However, after a while you couldn’t help but notice how it was almost too quiet. Despite that the forest was right there, you rarely heard birds or any other animal sounds, the fog there seemed to get thicker even though it wasn’t even autumn yet.

And one night when you stood on the porch, smoking a cigarette, your eyes caught something right on the line of your yard and the forest. The fog made it hard to see properly but it resembled a shape of a man. You stared at it for a while, your heart beating a little quicker in your chest, and then you took a long drag of your cigarette and closed your eyes. You let out the smoke and when you eventually opened your eyes, the man – or whatever it was – was gone.

Maybe it was just your imagination making some stupid shit up. It wouldn’t be a surprise as the place like this could easily get your imagination go wild. Or who knew, maybe someone from the nearest town had heard that someone had bought the house and was now just messing with you a little.

You shook the silly thoughts from your mind and finished smoking your cigarette before going back inside and to your bedroom. You placed your phone on the night stand and slipped under the blankets with a sigh. The sleep became fast and was followed by the dream.

You stood frozen in place, the fog around you so thick you barely see the path you were walking on. The air felt heavy and almost… suffocating. Your head turned side to side and then you heard a rustle and caught something in the corner of your eye on your left. Slowly you turned to look at whatever was there and as soon as your eyes settled on the dark figure, definitely in the shape of a man, you wanted to run. Something within you was screaming ’run’ but your legs wouldn’t obey you. You gasped for air as the man stepped closer to you and now you saw that he had… claws? And something was dripping from those claws.

Blood.

You swallowed, your heart now beating rapidly in your chest, pure fear settling deep within you. And in the next moment you heard a sound that was like a laugh but it made your blood run cold and your skin crawl in the most unpleasant way and then the man – or creature – was gone.

Copia was delighted to know that someone had finally bought the old house. He had now a chance to finally get what he had longed for so long… But he had to be careful at first. Keep a distance, then start slowly to worm his way into the mind of the resident. It shouldn’t be hard to break in and make them realize where they now belonged. To whom they belonged.

A wicked smile rose to Copia’s lips as he looked at the porch, the person standing there, smoking a cigarette. They seemed calm but Copia could sense there were some uneasiness in their bones. It would only be a matter of time before that would turn into a fear, a proper terror and Copia could hardly wait that.

Days went by and Copia watched closely over the person. He was the shadow in the darkest corner, following every movement they made. And their dreams… He had to get into them, make them darker. That way it would be easier to lure them into his world. Eternal darkness was lonely but he knew how to fight against that. He didn’t need to be alone.

Now as he watched the sleeping person, he flexed his clawed fingers, wanting to go and touch them. But it wasn’t time for that, not yet. Instead he inhaled deeply, that oddly sweet scent hitting his nose instantly and he let out a low growl. It was a bit too sweet, it needed to be sharpened.

You threw cold water over your face and dried it with a towel, then looking your face in the mirror. There were slight dark circles around your eyes telling that you hadn’t gotten enough sleep. For a few weeks you hadn’t slept that well as the nightmares had been disturbing you. It was always the same kind of atmosphere in those dreams – distressing, heavy, threatening. And in the middle of it was always the same man, or creature.

With a sigh you set the towel aside and walked to you work room, opening the upper drawer of your desk and took the old, worn-out diary out of it. You had found it a few days earlier in the attic, secured into a box. The lock had been so rusty it had opened easily and so you had gotten the access to the diary. At first you thought you didn’t want to find out what was written in it but eventually your curiousity had won and you had started to read it.

It had been hard to read, the handwriting being quite messy but you had been able to make out some sentences and words.

A demonic creature in the house. Nightmares. Scratches on the skin. The feeling that someone is watching you all the time.

Some of those sounded familiar. Especially the feeling that someone was watching you. At first you had brushed that feeling off but now that it had gotten even more stronger, you couldn’t ignore it anymore. But you didn’t know what you could do to it so you tried to just go on. Whatever was there… Well, maybe you would eventually found it out.

Nightmares was another thing you could sign. A demonic creature didn’t really ring a bell but there was some creature in your dreams so maybe it was that? Or did that mean the one watching you was a demonic creature? You didn’t know if you believed in those – you couldn’t believe in anything you hadn’t seen, right?

Scratches on the skin. Those you hadn’t seen – yet and it was terrifying. What would it mean when they appeared? That someone was actually there, in the house, with you? So many questions but so little answers. You opened the diary, searching for the last page that contained writing, the last words…

Leave before it’s too late.

That was written much clearer and repeated a few times until it all turns into a mix of red and black. Blood and ink, maybe. Something in your stomach turned as you thought of what might have happened to whoever had written the diary. Then you closed the diary, setting it on the desk before sitting down on the chair and opening your laptop.

You had googled your house before, obviously, but you hadn’t really paid much attention to other stuff beside the sales ad. You typed the place into the search bar and started going through the results.

Missing people, no bodies found. Stories of the ’man of the forest’ and several mentions of demon that lived in the house. You weren’t exactly surprised but the results definitely didn’t ease your nerves. Which ones those things were actually true and which ones were only made up, that you couldn’t tell.

Suddenly a loud, screeching sound interrupted you and you almost fell from your chair as you turned to look at the window. A shiver run down your spine as you saw long, clawed fingers scraping the glass. Your heartbeat rang in your ears as you stared how the claws dissappear from your sight. Then you waited and waited, tried to listen if you could hear anything else, something unusual. But you couldn’t.

Only quietness was left.

You breathed deeply in and released the breath slowly, then shook your head. Maybe your tired mind was starting to really play tricks on you. It had happened before so why would this time be any different?

Copia was smiling widely, walking towards the person who now leaned against the tree, eyes wide with fear, the smell of fear strong around them. Copia flashed his fangs, extending his hand and wrapping his clawed fingers around the person’s throat.

”Mmmh, such a delicious sight you are,” he purred venomously, leaning closer to the person who let out a miserable cry, squeezing their eyes shut. That sound made Copia hum pleased and he tightened his hold around the person’s throat.

”Burns,” the person croaked out, tears spilling from their eyes and Copia only chuckled darkly.

”Shhh, it won’t hurt long.”

He did enjoy seeing his preys hurting. But this one was no ordinary prey, no. This one was something else. Something so much better. He then released the person’s throat, his eyes falling to the red marks on the skin and ran one claw over it, the touch making the person sob and twitch. Copia licked his lips, moving his fingers under the person’s jaw and tapping the skin with his claws.

”Open your eyes,” he asked but the person gave just a little shake of head. Copia grabbed a hold of their jaw, repeating the words with a growl. The person finally obeyed, opening their eyes and Copia’s smile grew pleased.

”That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

The person didn’t say anything, just stared at him with watery eyes and Copia could hear their heart beating rapidly. He could sense how much they wanted to run away, as far as they could get from him. They couldn’t run, though, as Copia didn’t want them to. On rare occasions he allowed the preys to run but it was more fun like this – when all they could do was stand frozen in place and take whatever treatment Copia offered.

And usually the treatment they got was far from pretty.

”What are you?” The person’s voice was barely audible and they looked like they had almost given up. Accepted their fate, whatever that might be. Copia chuckled, squeezing the person’s jaw.

”Your worst nightmare.”

You stopped by the small cafe when you were driving back to your house. It was kind of strangely cozy with its slightly worn-out table-chair sets and with a decor that you could only describe as witchy. You bought a coffee and a little piece of chocolate cake and went to sit in the corner, near the window.

There weren’t that many people in but you couldn’t help but notice that a few of them seemed to look at you curiously and then whispering something to whoever was sitting beside them. It was a small town where most of the people probably knew each other, at least by face, and you hadn’t visited the places in there for many times so people probably didn’t recognize you.

You tried to ignore the staring, moving your gaze out the window. The clouds seemed to be darker, the blue sky disappearing behind them – most likely it would soon start to rain. The leaves in the trees were also starting to change their color, the red, yellow and orange blending into the green, and you couldn’t wait to see the nature in its autumn glory. You could imagine how beautiful the forest would look from your porch.

”Monster lives in your house.”

You got startled by the voice and turned to see a little girl standing close by, looking at you with wide eyes. Beside her was supposedly her mother who offered you an awkward smile. You smiled at her back before turning your attention back to the little girl.

”I don’t believe in monsters,” you said as politely as you could, and the girl blinked, shaking her head.

”Not all of them are real but the one in your house is.”

What the--? You let out a sigh, taking a sip from your coffee and the mother of the girl took her hand.

”Sorry, she is a bit… meddlesome,” the mother said, making a face at that and you gave a small wave of a hand. That wasn’t the first time someone said something like that about your house. Despite not visiting the town much, the whispers still had reached your ears.

You quickly finished your coffee and the cake, exiting the cafe and walking to your car as fast as you could. When you got inside, you slammed your forehead against the wheel, letting out a string of curses. You were tired, confused and a bit afraid. People weren’t exactly wrong – you knew there was someone in your house, at least part of the time. But who, that was still a mystery to you.

Copia dragged his claws along the wall, watching the person flinch and turn their head from side to side, eyes wide before walking over to another wall and doing the same, this time much slower. The person’s eyes settled onto the marks, mouth hanging open in shock and Copia could sense the question burning on their tongue.

He waited, patiently, but for his disappointment the person stayed quiet. They squeezed their hands into fists, anger replacing the shock on their face as they stormed off to another room. Copia followed close by, seeing how the person grabbed the old diary from the desk drawer and sat down on the bed, opening it.

Copia recognized that diary. Remembered how he had watched it to be written. The owner had suffered greatly until the very last day. It had been such a fun game. To drive the poor one mad and then strike when they had least expected it.

Copia smiled at the memory, still fresh in his mind.

”Stupid diary!” Copia chuckled at the person’s frustration as they went through the pages. ”Why can’t you give me any clear answers?”

He walked closer to the person, stopping right beside them, and thought of forcing them to look at him. The power he would feel when the person would gaze up at him, fear clear in their eyes, a weak plea on their lips. He imagined how he would run his claws along those pretty features, rip those clothes off and reveal the body underneath, admire it before marking it as his.

He was almost touching the person as he broke out of his reverie, and backed off a few steps. It was hard to keep control when something so delicious was right before him. But he didn’t want to ruin his chance – if things went right, he could be able to feast from this for a very long time. A little more time was all he needed.

The dreams, nightmares, had turned into more sexual ones and whenever you woke up, you were feeling so strange that you were sure you were starting to lose your mind. It wasn’t the only odd thing, though, there was also the red scratch marks that now marred your skin, mostly on your neck and arms but a few times you had spotted them on your hips and thighs.

They were real, lingering on your skin for days.

In resent nightmares you had seen the man, the creature, finally revealing himself from the shadows as he used your body to his own fun. Before he had been just a shape, like a black smoke-kind of thing and now he had a face of a man, covered with black and white paint, other eye seeming very human-like while the other glowed inhumanly white. Fingers with long claws, sharp fangs that was revealed whenever he had that wicked, predatoric smile on.

And his voice… That deep growl, it seemed to nest into you in a way that made you want to rip your skin off. He might have looked partly like a human but it was clear that he wasn’t a human. No human could ever make you feel like that. There was something so dark in him, no sign of kindness in his eyes when he had looked at you while your bodies had been slotted together in what should have been a pleasurable heaven.

To you it had been hell.

You took a pillow and pressed in against your face, screaming into it as you had done several mornings. It helped a little but not enough. You felt dirty in the worst way possible and went to shower quickly, trying to scrub him off of your skin, of your memory. The scratch marks stung but you didn’t stop scrubbing until some of them started to bleed.

With a head hung low you watched how the water turned to pink, disappearing eventually to the drain. After stepping out of the shower and drying yourself, you looked for some ointment and applied it upon the worst of the scratch marks. You did your best to avoid focusing on your image in the mirror and got dressed quickly, feeling slightly better when most of those ugly marks on your skin disappeared from your sight.

You went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for something to eat. You weren’t that hungry as the images of your dreams made you feel nauseous but you still had to eat something. You made yourself a sandwhich and sat down on the nearest chair to eat it. A few days old newspaper was on the table and your eyes landed on the small headline on the left corner.

A missing person found dead in the woods

The body had been found near the other town and the police had apparently arrested someone that they thought had been behind it. So far there hadn’t been any disturbing news regarding the area where you lived but for some reason you believed that people might just keep their mouths shut if they saw something unusual happening. Hell, that was what you were now doing.

But the thing was… If you had talked about this all to someone, would they have believed you?

With a sigh, you continued munching your sandwhich, focusing your gaze somewhere at the opposite wall. It was a quiet morning, as usual – too quiet. At first it had been so relaxing and welcomed but now it only seemed to be a sign of something bad, something that still mostly hid in the shadows. You could feel the heaviness upon you, a force that seemed to grow darker every day.

A sudden tightening in your stomach made you froze for a moment and you dropped the rest of your sandwhich onto the table. The nausea had come back with a force and now you had to rush into bathroom and bend over the toilet to empty your stomach. Tears spilled into your eyes as you finally slid to the floor after you were sure nothing more came up.

You drew your legs closer, wrapping your arms around them and burying your head between your knees. Sobs jolted your body and you cried until you just couldn’t anymore. On the outside you looked like a mess, you had no much energy to do things and internally you were screaming.

Screaming into the void where no one could hear you.

Poor thing, Copia thought as he watched the person trying to tame the vines that had grown too big on the side of the house. They had fallen down a few times and Copia could sense that their strength had lessened. He flashed a pleased smile as he knew that his moment to shine was about to come soon. The poison was already rooted within them, slowly spreading, consuming them.

Copia went closer, leaning against the wall, eyes glued to the person who let out a frustrated grunts every once in a while as they cut the vines and pulled them off. Their shirt hung on them loosely, much loosely than it had sometime ago, the red marks on their skin now more prominent. They healed slower even though the person had put some kind of ointment on them.

With every passing day the beauty of the person grew and Copia was fully entranced. Meddling with dreams had been fun and all but the best part was yet to come and he couldn’t wait for it. It was a different thing to be the plague of the dreams than to be the nightmare of the reality. Though, for the person, the line between the dream and reality had already gotten blurry.

Copia hummed and the placed his claw against the wooden wall, slowly carving a long line onto it, and watched how the person’s head turned right towards him. The look in their eyes barely had any shock or surprise in them as they stared right at him. Of course, they couldn’t see him unless he wanted them to but still, their eyes were straight on him, then moving to the carved line.

With a weak laugh and a shrug, they returned back to their work and Copia continued watching them, his mind already wandering to what was to come. How his work would soon be complete. Step by step the eternal darkness was starting to feel less lonely. Soon he would have a companion to share it all.

He could already feel the power that he would possess after the union was complete.

Mine, mine, MINE.

The voice sounded so real and you blinked your eyes open, your vision blurry for a while. You shook your head, breathing heavily and soon you heard that voice again, the sound of it so loud you jumped straight up from the bed.

”This isn’t funny anymore! Whoever you are, stop messing with me!”

You knew it wouldn’t probably help but you had to do something. An echo of an evil laugh came somewhere behind you and you turned to look at there, seeing nothing.

”Leave me alone!” Your voice sounded thin and weak and tears burned in your eyes. You were so desperate for this all to end. This nightmare had to end.

There was a wind-like sound and then the same voice was whispering something right into your ear – or that was how it felt.

Run, run, RUN.

As the last word came out, your legs worked like an automatic and despite the weakness in your muscles, they carried you downstairs and out of the house. The cold night hit your skin immediately as you were wearing only an oversized t-shirt and your underwear. You didn’t look back as you run, heading straight towards the forest, the thick fog surrounding you as soon as you reached it.

You wanted to stop but no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t. Tears were now blurring your vision and you could barely breathe as you legs led you even deeper into the forest. And then it felt like you collided with an invisible wall, cutting your way and sending you to the ground. Soon the same evil laugh reached your ears, making your gut twist and you knew whatever was coming, couldn’t be anything good.

A figure of a man stepped into your line of vision from the shadows and the closer he got, the more details you started to see. You recognized him – it was the same man, or creature, from your dreams. The black and white paint on his face, the glowing inhuman white eye, fangs and claws. You couldn’t do anything than sit there, on the ground, frozen, a huge wave of dread swirling inside you. The closer the creature got, the more… powerless you started to feel, like someone was trying to shrink you.

You knew instantly that there wasn’t anything kind in that creature. Everything around him screamed danger and evil, as well as the way his eyes seemed to flash when he kneeled down and placed one of his clawed fingers under your jaw.

”Finally we meet in person, my darkest one,” he spoke, his voice making cold shivers run down your spine. You swallowed, then drew in a short breath, your whole body starting to shake as you fought against the mysterious force that kept you stuck in there.

”Oh, poor thing,” the creature cooed mockingly, slowly dragging his claw along your throat. ”There’s no point in fighting. You can’t go anywhere unless I let you.”

The smile that rose to the creature’s lips, didn’t leave anything unclear and you were starting to realize that maybe your nightmare hadn’t even started properly yet.

”Let me go,” you said through your teeth, and that only made the creature chuckle wickedly, his fingers wrapping around your throat as he leaned closer. He mouth was so close to your lips and you squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for his next move. Your nails dug into the ground as you soon felt a pair of lips pressing against the corner of your mouth.

The kiss burned and you let out a scream, though it sounded so weak in your own ears. The creature’s hum echoed all around you as his hold around your throat tightened.

”I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”

That was the last thing you heard before the darkness filled your mind.

Your whole body felt like being on fire as you finally got a part of your consciousness back. Everything hurt and you could only make out a figure hovering above you and the blurry surroundings. You were inside the house, in your bedroom, on your bed, completely naked.

”Shhh, it won’t hurt soon,” the creature spoke as he run his hand along your body, and you writhed underneath him. His voice was far from comforting.

Nothing had ever hurt so much. It was blinding, the burn slowly crawling under your skin. And all you wanted was it to end, you would do anything to make it end.

”Please, make it stop,” you cried out, tears flowing as it all was too much. Lips pressed against your cheek, claws digging into your hip and it only made it all worse. The creature took it slow, he wanted you to suffer, he enjoyed seeing you in pain. The chuckle he let out after another burn wave hit you, was pleased.

It was slowly sinking in that this all had been just a fun game to him. That he had pulled the strings right from the start and you hadn’t been able to do anything but to play along. This had been his goal all along, to use you as he wished, mentally and physically. There would be no way out of this nightmare anymore.

You wished you could die. That would surely end the suffering.

”Oh, I like the way you think but sadly that’s not my plan,” the creature said, his lips fanning over your marred skin on your chest and something within you shattered.

So you were getting the worst fate one could think of.

”Mine… You’ll mine,” the creature continued, his voice seeming to ooze more power with every word. ”You’ll help me to rule the darkness, the shadows.”

You drew in sharp breaths as the creature’s lips found your most sensitive parts of your body and you felt the nausea twist in your stomach. He growled as you writhed, some wicked pleasure blending with the disgust as your body reacted to his touch. It was wrong, so wrong. You grabbed a fistful of sheets, the burn spreading all over you again, the pillow under your head feeling damp from all the tears you had shed.

”Do you want me to take you?”

No, you wanted to say but that wasn’t what came out of your mouth.

”Yes.”

And in the next moment, he entered your body, claiming you as his. The pain only got worse but it lasted only for a moment, being soon replaced by something that you couldn’t describe. It wasn’t pain but it was far from pleasure, too. You felt something flowing into you – something purely evil, conquering you, filling your every cell with darkness.

There was no gentleness, only harsh movements as the creature defiled your body. You wanted to scream but it was only possible in your mind, the echo of it mixing with the moan escaping from your mouth in reality.

Or was this even the reality, you didn’t know. And it didn’t matter whether this was a dream or reality as the nightmare was still there, in the form of this creature that looked too much like a man. A handsome man that surely would have caught your attention if you had seen him somewhere in town.

A devil in disguise, spreading his poison into you and bounding you to him.

As his eyes finally met yours, you knew that there was no point of return. This house, the place you had thought would be your safe haven, had now become a cage and the man, the creature above you, in you, was a predator. A predator who loved to play with his preys. But you weren’t a prey, no, you were something much worse.

A prisoner, his prisoner – maybe even some kind of a spouse – for as long as he wished.

#papa emeritus iv x reader #copia x reader #ghost band fic #ghost band fanfic #jen writes fics

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3gremlins · 23 days ago

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feel like im having a DA2 experience again where I really liked it and was in my little "this is good" cocoon where i played it many times only to emerge from underground and find everyone else hated it (i mean ive found the other da2 cicadas since but at the time it got really slammed). i've been really enjoying DA:TV so far ( lol tho obvs have notes) here's an early thoughts review, may be a bit spoilery, def rambley, trying to stay vague on stuff still (i think i'm about half way maybe? im trying to not look things up and doing it blind on my first run through. it's hard to tell b/c i went hard on all the side quests and am now way over level for the msq)

the combat system is a little jarring at first and i still miss at least being able to switch to and play as party members if your character dies (instead of the god of war style of full wipe), but i've gotten used to it (it's more annoying for boss fights, regular combat it's very zippy and fun). the targeting at least on controller is kind of annoying sometimes- i'll think i'm pointing at one enemy only to have rook turn and fire at nothing or companions to hit an add instead of a boss. I wish we at least had more control over how it queued who it was hitting. some of the arenas are obnoxious design wise - there's bosses that teleport to you and they give you like a tiny little box to dodge around, not the most fun. i do like that you can punch way above of your weight class sometimes which reminds me of DAO a little bit (like how you'd just wander into a fight or hit a gong and be like oh no, those enemies have skulls over their heads, oh well YOLO). sometimes it doesn't work out but when it does it's very satisfying. It's nice to be able to conquer something mechanically even underleveled (smol fromsoft vibes) Having always been a big fan of the strange composition parties (i.e not just war/rogue/mage), i like that this is now even more viable (and not just me being cheeky "we're having a leather party!" of all squishy rogues). but like the main thing about bioware games is the companions/interpersonal shit and i'm enjoying the heck out of that .i only do main quests to get more side quests from companions (or more side quests in general so we can troll around for more banter). i like petting griffons (and cats and dogs) and playing games with manfred*. I wish the gift system was more interesting like DAO or DA2- i was so excited to see it again and then it was a little disappointing to have them barely react when you get them stuff.

my current fave party are rook and the poison boys (emmerich and lucanis) since they're a rogue too and we just stack necrosis, bleeds and other elemental effects on things till they disintegrate. i like the lighthouse, it feels much cozier than skyhold. I love that you can just wander up to companions having convos and awkwardly eavesdrop. I do miss the little interactions/quests you could get with cole esp*** i think the animations are a little lack lustery? Idk there's something with the face model morphs that sometimes feels weird but the voice acting is strong enough that I don't notice too much. i do miss some of the more bioware-y cheeky things like item descriptions or weird notes near random silly environmental tableaus (there's a little but i just want to read all the notes! there's some in the grey warden areas where i was just like WAIT I HAVE QUESTIONS but there was no plaque about them T.T). where are the stacks of cheese (i do appreciate the fereldens love cheese jokes tho and harding getting so excited when someone says something nice about ferelden) i was esp bummed that there were no random things to read in the black emporium and it's all codex entries instead (that's my favorite tiny bit in DA2 where there's junk you can click on and xenon says weird shit to you). i also wish more had been done with accents of npcs- like i wish all the antivans had similar accents or your crow rook had an antivan accent, stuff like that (having a lot of "ferelden" generic british accents everywhere is disappointing. takes you out of the immersion a lot) My biggest gripe is probably the pacing - I wish it had more horror/mystery pacing like dao and da2 had- the reason we're all scarred by the brood mother is b/c the build up to that was so so creepy (also the necromancer bit w/hawke's mum in DA2). They gave us time to be unnerved or afraid and I do feel the evanuris reveals have been a little rushed so you can't really feel that worried about them (some of the side quests get close to this but still not quite there**). I wish they'd let them breathe a bit more instead of rushing from one giant world changing event to the next. Some of the reveals have been not so great- like lore that the fandom has poured over for 15ish years explained in one line?? i wish there'd been more build up of rook as a character too, maybe even a time skip from a prologue to finding solas kind of thing. the first trailer made it seem like that's what was going to happen but then it in media res'd us in a strange way. the first 10 hours of the game are probably the weakest imho, it took it a bit to get rolling and feel more natural. I appreciate that the first major decision doesn't really let you scum save for it (bit of a jump scare for me lol).

I also don't really need this much varric anymore, i kinda wish we had a different narrator if we have to have one. He feels really awkward to just have there and not doing anything(and not just kill off or have something happen to him? he got stabbed by the dagger and harding only touched it is what i'm saying). at least let him get better pjs and slippers or something Idk it does feel like bits of previous iterations they were working on are still there and they don't completely serve the plot well. And ofc there's the decisions not meaningfully carrying over thing- which is a huge bummer. But in reality they've never been good at that- the characters from previous games we see in new games don't really carry through their plots/arcs that much (it's more like cameos or they're a new person now) and the world states are usually effectively the same just with aesthetic faction swaps. I was sort of hoping we'd get some solavellan SOMETHING but it doesn't look like we will get much at all past the stuff in minrathous. i feel like if they were going to only include the one choice it really should have had more impact on the story. (i am also still a clown and want to talk to solas constantly still even tho he has no reason to talk to my rook at all, i do not care, i love a sad woof. i wish we could just casually visit him in the fade. i wish we could switch to lavellan and visit him in the fade, idk something. need more gareth david-lloyd pls) the interpersonal character decisions have been the only ones that mattered much and then only within the constrains of their own games- the bigger world changing stuff is usually the illusion of choice. It would have been nice if they let us have one protagonist carry through but i can also see why they liked changing it up and felt stuck in that format. tl;dr: i'm really like it for what it is but it's def got flaws. Parts of it feel super polished while other bits do not- i think knowing how game dev works that they had to make decisions on what was going to get prioritized and some of it works while others not so much. I wish the pacing was better for sure but i love the characters/companions which is generally what bioware is best at. sad it won't get meaningful dlc, i don't really care about mass effect 5 tbqh. So far I like it better than inquisition for the most part- it feels like a bigger/more polished DA2 in a lot of ways if that makes any sense (with similar budget/pacing issues, but the environments are more fun). as i mentioned in my other post, i really appreciated the trans/non binary inclusion into the story/cc tho. like that can't be discounted, even if the rest of the game has issues. (all the holes in the narrative make me want to do fan art and fan fiction tho so idk, maybe that's an okay thing. maybe dragon age is best at inspiring us to sandbox around in it)

*side note, i am surprised at how much i like emmerich like holy shit what a lovely soft nerd of a man! going to have to play through a few times and romance him and also bellara for sure (romancing lucanis this time round) i find myself shipping my companions with each other more than i normally do too. I just want them to be happy! I wish they'd let us have polyamory, like i could see little polycules in this squad so easily. i need to give bellara hugs and lucanis head pats. taash deserves head pats too, but my rook will need a ladder.

**i am going to cry if they do with the griffons what i think they're doing with the griffons. like straight up, feeling like it was a cursed wish to have them now T.T *** do we think the caretaker is cole? the character design makes me wonder (like the hat/silhouette is very cole like but maybe not. maybe i just want it to be cole lol) there's def characters i want to see show up that aren't going to and then bioware is like "what about this fan favorite??" and i'm like "eh".

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arinbelle · 5 months ago

Text

Inevitable - Part IV

Summary: Nesta and Cassian mated on the night of Winter Solstice. But before they could mate properly, Cassian left soon after, leaving Nesta reeling and Cassian wanting more. When they mate under an official ceremony, with ancient magic, that mating call is renewed, and Nesta and Cassian are going to be in a frenzy. I.e. I wrote 20k fic full of smut.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

~*~

Nesta had mostly slept uninterrupted through the night, though she’d expected herself to not wake for hours, maybe even days. She had been so thoroughly spent from the past two days and knew then that it had been wise of Cassian to hold off on their joining until she’d had some form of rest after their ceremony.

Nesta had been half asleep when she’d reached for the pewter on the bedside table, and had been jolted awake by the cold water. Cassian hadn’t stirred until she’d curled up into his side again, reveling in the strength she’d felt as he’d wrapped his arm around her middle and pulled her closer.

They hadn’t spoken when he’d woken her the hour after with bruising, tantalizing kisses on her neck. She’d only grabbed the hand on her middle and placed it between her legs. Cassian had not made to move her, letting her rest as he slid into her with ease.

It had been slow and soft even though she could feel Cassian pulling himself back. They’d always been vocal in bed with each other, never shying away from their desires and what effects they had on the other. And yet there was something more intimate, more fragile in the darkness of their room, with his arm wrapped around her middle, pulling her backwards into his chest as he made love to her. Softer, as she entwined their hands and turned her head back to seek out a kiss. It hadn’t been enough, none of it, yet she’d tried to make do. The burning in her chest, the searing live wire within her begging for more, more, more.

He’d swallowed her gasps and moans as he’d thrusted deeper, biting affectionately at her lips as she’d gone through her climaxes. And it had been her, wholly her as his focus, even though it was Cassian who had initiated. It had to have been torture she knew to hold back as much as he did. From hurting her or tiring her out, she didn’t know, but she knew the tenderness he was treating her with had only served to make her want him more. In the end they’d broken apart together, hands clasped above her head, lips sealed in a kiss that promised more with time.

It was almost night when they woke again, Cassian waking her with a lovely smile that melted her heart. When she’d become so sappy, so lovesick, she had no idea. Yet, it didn’t really bother her. If the end result was waking up to Cassian, a very naked Cassian in their too large bed, she didn’t think she’d ever complain about acting like a silly girl with her first love.

He’d left her to draw a bath, insisting on it for her sore muscles and whatever other excuse he’d created. Between the breakfast, the bath, and the endless orgasms, she could get used to this. She’d told him as much and Cassian had laughed wholeheartedly, only dropping a kiss at the crown of her head before pushing her to move to the bathing room.

She’d all but thrown a fit when he’d made to leave her in the large tub, filled to the brim with bubbles. Petulant as ever but she’d insisted she wasn’t hungry even though she was. All she wanted was him with her as she relaxed and sank deeper into the water.

”You really are so demanding,” he said as he finished washing her hair. “Most females enjoy having someone to cook for them.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “I didn’t say you can’t cook dinner. I said do it after I’m done with my bath.” So she could steal every single minute of his time and keep him to herself. She wouldn’t say that though.

“Sure Nes,” he laughed. “Sure.”

Cassian began working on dinner at midnight. Through no fault of her own, although Cassian insisted it was hers alone, they’d ended up staying upstairs for far longer than was originally planned.

Nesta had watched him walk out of the tub, grabbing a towel to wrap around his hips, and taking away the show. She’d quickly gotten out of the tepid water then, moving to find him and make it right. She’d been enjoying the view far too much and wanted it back.

His back was turned to her when she found him in his other room, browsing through his closet for clothes. He hadn’t turned her way when she’d come up behind him but she’d seen his wings tighten and tuck inwards. It made the job of pulling the towel right off of his hips that much easier.

Cassian hadn’t even looked fazed when he’d turned slowly to take in her still damp, still unclothed body. He’d only raised a scarred brow to her before roving over her breasts and lower.

”If you don’t keep your hands to yourself mate, you’re going to starve.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she’d all but purred.

”Of course not.”

He’d pushed her onto the bed then, putting her on her hands and knees and fucking her from behind. She’d screamed into the sheets as she came, all three times, and even then it seemed Cassian could keep going. It seemed the sight of her in such a way, on her hands and knees, hands clenching into the sheets beneath them had renewed something in him. Something far more primal and Fae than before. She’d always felt the term fucking like animals was too crass for her taste. But then again, she’d never been with Cassian then. Never laid like this before where it was more rutting than fucking.

It was both torture and pleasure to have his thick cock ram into her at that angle, so deep it felt impossible at times. By the end of it she was sobbing from the sheer pleasure, nearly begging though for what she didn’t know.

He’d cleaned her up gently, kissing the marks he’d left at her throat, her hips, her breasts. She knew he’d likely add more before the night was over but that didn’t bother her. To her surprise, Nesta was finding she liked this side of him. This side that wanted to claim and mark her as his own. His.

Her heart sang at the thought, of being his.

When they’d finally put on clothes Nesta had been temporarily sent away from the kitchen while Cassian cooked. According to him, she was a bad influence. According to Nesta, she liked what she liked, she knew what she wanted, and Cassian could most definitely have fucked her with one hand and stirred the food with the other if he wanted to.

He hadn’t found her amusing at all and sent her away. A time-out at twenty-five had to be a joke but Cassian was serious.

“I’ve created a monster,” she’d heard him mutter to himself.

Dinner though, had indeed been delicious. She had explored his study and the small bookshelf inside it, picking up a book on espionage and warfare to read. He’d found her with the book in bed, sprawled on her stomach in his shirt and nothing else. She knew exactly what the sight of it did to him. That and the top two buttons undone to give a generous view of her cleavage that he dutifully ignored while he placed her plate in front of her.

”I’m not hungry,” she supplied uselessly. A lie if she’d ever heard one. It was a miracle her stomach didn’t growl at the mouthwatering dinner he’d procured. A feast really with the glazed vegetables, seared chicken, warm bread and some spiced rice that smelled divine.

She’d never tell him that because then he’d act impudent and arrogant with her, but she’d seriously needed to eat. She couldn’t remember being so tired after sex before but two days of nonstop lovemaking had begun to take its toll. Even the night before she’d gone to sleep knowing it would be hours before she could wake again.

Cassian only said softly, with a lilting cadence, “I know what you’re doing and it won’t work.”

Nesta had tried to look a little offended. Tried and failed but she still kept up the picture of innocence.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said with a saccharine smile. He hadn’t bothered to even look at her as he moved to the other side of the bed.

“I’m still going to fuck you Nesta, have some dinner.”

”Really?,” she asked coyly, her traitorous body already perking up at his words.

”Behave and you’ll find out,” he said softly, the promise of something sinful in his voice.

She pressed her legs tighter as something warm and tight had coiled in her core. Nesta couldn’t understand it, this want, this furious need to have him over and over. Even the day after Solstice and all the days he’d left her be in the House and she’d made do with just her hands between her legs and images of his face, his body, how he felt inside her, was nothing like this. Even in the days following his return, it had never been like this. Never had there been this aching need that seemed to rob her of breath and voice and all rationality that she prided herself on having.

Cassian settled against the headboard, wings relaxing around him as he poured her a glass of wine and then one for himself.

“I just opened this one. It’s two hundred years old.”

She took a sip, savoring the sweetness. She’d never really cared for wine but found it most palatable when getting drunk all those months ago. Hard liquor, though it did the job faster, always upset her stomach far more. Besides that, she hadn’t drank alcohol in months save for a few sips here and there at dinner. It had seemed the House had finally deemed it safe enough for her to drink again a month after Solstice, but Nesta hadn’t had much interest in it anymore.

“It’s good. Very good,” she noted, before taking another sip.

”It’s for you.” She raised a quizzical brow at him, not understanding even as he handed her the bottle.

On the sleek black bottle, the label read the name of the wine and province it had come from. And then in curling letters in the empty space of the label was a message.

To you, the most unlucky girl in the world.

We wish you the best as you embark on your lifelong journey married to this asshole. We hope this bottle of very expensive wine makes up for all your troubles but it probably won’t. Welcome to the family.

Love,

Rhys and Az

Cassian rolled her eyes as she laughed but she saw the glimmer of a smile graze his lips as he reread the note silently.

“Idiots. They made me keep it here for so many years. And every time I’d try to open it they wouldn’t let me, insisting I had to give it to their future sister-in-law.”

Nesta smiled at the thought.

Cassian looked at her then, and something shifted in his face. “And here you are. After all,” he said softly.

Nesta didn’t know what to make of the emotion on his face. Didn’t want to more like it since she knew she’d likely start crying if she did. Instead she opted to push his plate aside and slide in between his open legs, leaning back against his chest as she reached for her plate.

She ate her dinner silently, nestled in between his legs. He said nothing more either but she knew the unspoken words that lay between them.

I found you. After all this time, after all these years, here I am. Here we are. Together.

They cleaned up the dishes together, with him washing and rinsing and her drying beside him. It was so domestic, so simple, yet something tugged in her heart as he handed her the last spoon and dropped a chaste kiss on the top of her head.

She could see it then, this future of theirs. Years ago, the best she could have hoped for herself was a husband who she didn’t detest, who didn’t hurt her or force himself onto her, and one who left her alone as she raised their children in a cold, loveless home. That had been the best option for herself, and she’d accepted that fate. When she had grown older, that acceptance had turned to nauseating fear, especially when Tomas Mandray had become a quickly approaching reality. An abusive, spineless asshole who couldn’t have been bothered to treat her with basic respect, let alone anything more.

Love had never even crossed her mind. Not because she didn’t want it or thought herself to be above it, because that couldn’t be the farthest from the truth. All her life she’d secretly dreamed, pining and hating herself for it, for the stupid wish of true love that could steal her breath away with just a look. A man who would sweep her off of her feet, who would make her feel that the world wasn’t unconquerable, who’d stand fervently by her side and love every facet of her. She’d burned with it, that horrible desire to have something so otherworldly it simply wasn’t possible.

And then she had blinked, and there Cassian was.

Their future would be slow, soft mornings, brought out of slumber with finger soft touches and reverent moments as they shared the space in between their mouths and breathed in the same air. Their future would be lovemaking so thorough, so encompassing, she thought she’d combust herself and be engulfed in flames so terribly hot, so passionate it would meld their very skins off until they were fused into each other. Seared into each other’s souls. Their future would be his windswept hair tickling her as he leaned down to kiss her hello and goodbye every time they reunited and every time they had to part. It would be wars fought side by side on killing fields and visits to the local theater where they would dance for hours into the night. Their future would be a small girl with Nesta’s hair and Cassian’s eyes, a boy with her reserved nature and Cassian’s love for the skies, and so much love for their children, each and every one of them, in all the ways neither of them had been given as they’d grown.

“Nesta,” Cassian’s voice broke her out of her soaring thoughts.

Nesta placed the last plate into the cupboard and turned to face her mate.

”Where did you go?,” he asked fondly, poking her cheek before moving past her to the icebox.

Nesta pulled herself up onto the counter watching as Cassian finished closing the kitchen up. She followed the contour of his wings, umber and red-browns mottling with the illumination from the faelights overhead. So beautiful this male of hers, sometimes he took her breath away.

“What were you thinking about?,” Cassian prompted lightheartedly.

”Nothing,” she answered. A pause. “Everything,” she admitted with a small laugh.

“Our children,” she finally settled on. Cassian stopped whatever he was doing and slowly turned around. Something soft bloomed in his face, vulnerable and hopeful.

”What about them?,” he asked carefully, a whisper in the already quiet room.

Nesta shrugged, trying and failing to hide her embarrassment. The soft blush she knew would start staining her skin as she felt it heat up. Months ago, a year ago, she would never, never have admitted such a thing to him. Never would she have been so honest about her feelings, about him, about them, and everything in between. It would give him far too much power over her, even though she knew deep down he’d always had it. No matter what she did or didn’t do, he’d always held her in such rapture it was a wonder she didn’t lose herself completely sometimes.

“How they would look,” she offered with a small smile. Cassian came closer, stepping in between her legs. “How we would be, how they would be raised…,” she mused, raising her hands up to wrap up and into Cassian’s hair as he pulled her closer towards him.

Cassian’s smile told her everything she needed to know. It was every assurance she knew she would need whenever they started that journey together and a piece of her heart sang as she knew she’d be alright with Cassian by her side.

“How many?,”Cassian asked gently, tickling her ear with a soft kiss.

“You tell me, brute,”

Cassian looked far too delighted with the question, so much so that she decided to stop him instead. Nesta let out a huff, knowing exactly where they were headed. She pushed at his chest, knowing full well it did nothing to deter him.

“Not that many,” she answered knowingly.

He shot her a reproachful look. “You don’t even know what I was going to say. Maybe I would have said two. Or three.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Is that what you were going to say?”

He chuckled. “No. Not at all.”

Nesta met him in the middle as he leaned down to kiss her, leaning into his touch. His fingers tangled into her hair, and she angled closer, moaning as she felt him press himself against her core. Cassian broke the kiss just as she felt she was running out of air, and she gasped at the sudden shock of cold air in her mouth.

”Just to be clear, we’re not having any children anytime soon?”

”No,” Nesta answered quickly, eager to finish what he’d started. She reached for him again but he moved out of her reach.

”Because you just need to say the word,” he offered salaciously. She rolled her eyes, pulling him back, this time successfully.

“I’ll let you know in a century or two. For now,” she said, struggling with the buttons on his shirt, “just fuck me.”

Cassian threw his head back to laugh, pushing her hands away and pulling his shirt off in one smooth motion. She would try not to think on it for too long but the muscled brown skin suddenly on display, whorls of black ink flexing with Cassian’s every movement, had her legs moving apart of their own accord.

If her mind wasn’t so single minded in that moment she would have chided herself for being so lustful. Surely she could gather her wits for a second. She was definitely capable of it. But in that moment it was harder to think straight and keep her composure, especially as he began undoing the lacings at his pants.

Nesta had no intention of moving from where she’d situated herself, happy to wait for him to join her and fuck her until she lost her voice and all sense of reason.

Until he pulled his cock out.

It was already hard and dripping with moisture, and it was so easy then, to push off of the counter, instead dropping to her knees before him, eager to taste and touch.

”Nesta-,” Cassian grunted, almost as if he didn’t want this. Perhaps he was trying to focus on her own pleasure as he’d been painstakingly doing for the past few days. But she’d always loved pleasing him. Loved seeing how she could make him succumb to her and only her, even on her knees.

His body told a different story as he practically molded to her, hands spearing with ease into her unbound hair, holding her tresses out of her face.

He tasted like salt and pure intoxication and the taste of him burst on her mouth as she swiped her tongue over the bead of moisture at the tip of his cock. Cassian made a garbled sound and she felt his fingers tighten sharply in her hair before relaxing again.

She stroked softly, softer than she knew he liked, and peered up at him with heavy eyes. Watching, waiting and not giving him nearly enough sensation to enjoy himself.

“Careful,” he warned in a low voice. “I know what you’re doing, witch.”

Nesta’s lips curved of their own volition before she could help it.

“Patience,” Nesta started, before dragging her tongue from base to tip in one efficient lick, “Is a virtue.”

He growled and she felt her breasts tighten at the sound. Felt a pool of warmth begin the build between her legs because she always associated it with pleasure that only he could ever give her.

“You’ll pay for it later then,” he settled on, relaxing into her grip as she quickened her strokes.

“I look forward to it.”

Then she took him down her throat as much as possible, knowing that it would drive Cassian wild. Whatever was left of him she moved her hands over quickly, slickening his length with her mouth, bobbing and sucking with ease. She made a point to drag her teeth ever so gently as she reached the tip of his cock, and to lick at the broad tip before taking him back down her throat.

Cassian let out a guttural sound each time she did that and she felt a coy sense of satisfaction. Only she could do this to him. She’d learned his body, all of his ticks, and everything he needed to come. It was a heady feeling to taste him and touch him this way, and she relished in the slick slide of his cock in her mouth, the moans he made as she moved faster and faster, pushing him towards that brink.

“I can’t…Nesta,” he murmured incoherently, thrusting his hips jaggedly, all sense of control lost from him as she worked him harder, deeper, faster. The sting on her scalp as he pulled tighter, moaning her name, was welcome encouragement.

Yes. Finally. She’d wanted this from him. This release on himself, the unbridled energy he always seemed to tamp down on so as to not lose control of himself. She knew everyone assumed him to be reckless and chaotic, all brash temper and quick actions over thought. But he was a thousandfold more careful than she’d ever been, far more controlled and far less erratic.

She preferred him like this. He’d always been able to meet her word for word, verbal blow for blow, yet he always held himself back from a line she was always wiling to cross. She enjoyed him unleashed, more so, on her and it was only when they were like this, when she could touch him and give and give that she felt satisfied.

He cried out as he hit his release and Nesta did not slow down. She did not stop to breathe let alone think as she savored the warmth now in her mouth, savored the harshness on his face slowly morphing to contentment. She swallowed every drop and kept her eyes open and fastened on his own gaze down at her. Cassian’s pupils were fully blown and something tender was etched into the planes of his as he looked at her. He caressed her head softly as she released his cock, stroking through her hair with careful deliberation.

Cassian let his hand drift from her head down to cup her chin. Then to rest lightly around her neck before pulling her up by it. He met her halfway up in a savage kiss, and she moaned into his mouth, licking against his tongue and letting him taste his release on her.

“The things you do to me Nesta,” he whispered against her lips before claiming them again. She felt his hands travel down her body cupping her ass roughly before lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around him on instinct and paid no mind to where he was taking them. She kissed down his jaw, licking at where his pulse fluttered under her teeth. She was tempted to bite down on it. Knowing Cassian it would only encourage him. But she held back, controlling this urge to take and take and slake herself on this unbearable desire that had been building for the past hour.

Cassian threw her down on the bed, a predatory smile gracing his beautiful face as he saw how quickly she raised herself up towards him.

”So eager,” he taunted, his laugh running chills down her spine. She didn’t care, couldn’t, not when she needed him so badly-

A knock came at the door downstairs. They both froze but Cassian didn’t look away from her. It came again, sharper this time, and irritation blossomed on his face as his eyes went distant and cold. She recognized that look and knew he was talking to someone in his mind. And she had no doubt who was at the door.

When he came to, it was clear he was disgruntled.

“I’ll be back. Rhys is here.” His voice was clipped as he spoke, and he turned quickly on his heel towards the door. Nesta puzzled over what Rhysand could be doing there, knowing he wouldn’t interrupt for a mundane reason. Worry and dread suddenly filled her and formed a pit in her stomach. What if Feyre was hurt? What about Nyx, Mother above-

“They’re fine,” Cassian abruptly interjected her racing thoughts, as if he’d read her mind. “Everyone is fine, this is about something else. Some work I need to do while I’m still here in Illyria. Don’t worry about it, I’ll be back soon.” A darker emotion passed his face. “He knows he’s not supposed to be interrupting us right now. Asshole.”

Nesta laughed softly, relief calming her. Cassian didn’t look at her as he pulled open the door but she saw the slight turn of his head, angled at her.

His voice was low, simmering with lust and intent, but even as he murmured to her, she could make out his words perfectly. “You better not be dressed when I get back.”

The command was subtle but it was there. The bite of what he’d left unspoken was also not lost on her. There would be consequences if she didn’t listen and while she usually enjoyed seeing how far she could push Cassian, it was not the time for it. She needed to come so badly and she knew her own efforts would pale in comparison to his touch.

She snorted and considered it for a moment. If he punished her for the disobedience she would still get what she wanted in the end, only she would need to work for it. Were this any other day, she might have enjoyed it, being at his mercy as he kept her orgasm from her. But she felt the mating bond chafing from within, and the consuming urge to mate and couple was quickly rising. In the end she caved, tossing her dress and then her underwear to the side of the room.

If Rhysand and Cassian were talking, she didn’t hear anything. Not even as she strained her Fae senses outwards to where they should be outside the house. After a few minutes she laid down on top of the sheets, raising her knees and crossing her legs tightly in the hopes that it would quell the need inside her to touch herself. The lights above her irritated her eyes and she threw a hand over them to block it out. In fact, everything was starting to irritate her, especially as the time stretched on and Cassian didn’t appear.

Maybe she wouldn’t wait for him and she’d slip her hand between her legs and come. It wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable if it was Cassian himself, but at least then she might finally find release.

Cassian appeared moments later, as if he’d sensed the direction of her thoughts. The door had quickly opened and closed but Nesta did not move her hand off of her face. She did not rise up to meet him. Had not bothered to drape herself seductively over their sheets in effort to get a rise out of him. Fuck that.

”I’m sorry,” he apologized, but she didn’t react. “Rhys…,” he sighed, cutting himself off. “Everything’s fine but it won’t happen again. I made that clear with him.”

Fine.

She didn’t have to like it but she listened, moving her arm off her face. The Faelight overhead shocked her and she blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted. Cassian’s pants were still on, laces undone, but he’d put his cock back in and her mouth watered at the memory of what they’d just finished downstairs. She pressed her legs closer together, knowing it wouldn't help.

He didn’t miss it, that small movement and he took in her legs, her raised knees tightly locked against each other and smirked. The bastard smirked knowingly.

He practically purred, mocking her, “You need to come so badly, don’t you?”

She ignored the jab, only pushing up onto her elbows to look at him better. “What’s it to you?”

His eyes roved over her bare breasts and she felt the bond tug in her chest. So he liked the view, but what else was new? His eyes dipped over her taut stomach, likely noticing how tense she was holding herself. Cassian moved closer then, leaning his two hands down onto the mattress just inches from her legs.

”Let me see you,” he asked softly, but it was an order all the same. And it burned through her as she fought the urge to give in or to fight. He wrapped his hand around her ankle and gave a light tug, just enough to jolt but not enough to pull her legs apart.

“Let me see you, Nesta.”

She knew he wasn’t talking about her face.

Nesta opened her legs, raising her head just a touch to see his reaction. What she saw stole her breath away. He groaned appreciatively at whatever he saw between her legs and a hunger overtook his features. He was going to eat her alive and she’d enjoy every moment of it.

”Look at you,” he murmured, dragging a knuckle down her core with a featherlight touch. She leaned into it, only for him to move away and sit beside her on the bed.

Cassian’s hand slid down Nesta’s bare stomach, leaving chills in their absence and stoking the fire under her skin even more. She was still sore from before yet it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except him and that tantalizing touch making its way down to where she needed most. He was going purposefully slow, she knew, because it was such a Cassian thing to do. To punish her with the one thing he could beat her in.

Patience.

She could jest and toy with Cassian all she liked about patience, but unlike Nesta, Cassian could and had waited out this sort of torture if he wanted. But worst of all, he would make her wait too. This was punishment for earlier, she was sure of it.

Nesta canted her hips just a touch, causing his hands to go ever so slightly lower to where she wanted it. He slid his eyes towards her, taking in every inch of her torso and breasts on the way up.

“I will stop.” He said it with just enough mildness that Nesta was tempted to see if he’d actually follow through. But the threat had been made, and Nesta wanted to come, so she stopped her squirming.

She made sure to tighten every muscle in her body so as to not move anymore. Cassian’s hand still right above the apex of her thighs had to have felt her muscles shift underneath. He chuckled darkly.

“You listen well when you want to come, don’t you? Greedy girl.”

Then, without any warning at all, Cassian leaned down over her stomach, and enclosed his mouth around her core, consuming her over and over. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as his tongue ran down her center and then back up to her clit. Her legs fell open wider and her muscles loosened just as Cassian pulled away.

Nesta almost throttled him.

She didn’t get a chance to though because Cassian slid his entire hand down to her sex and cupped her roughly. He tested the slide of the wetness he’d left on her skin with his mouth, and Nesta canted into the movement, grinding against his hand.

“Greedy,” he muttered again with a small smile. And then he slid his fingers up to circle her clit with just the right amount of pressure to have her gasping. It was so slow, so painfully slow for her, but she let Cassian go on, knowing he knew everything about her body and what she needed.

It may have gone on for hours, or maybe a few minutes as Cassian continued his torturous stimulation, alternating between rough and fast strokes with soft and gentle ones.

It was only when he slid two fingers inside of her did Nesta allow herself to make any noise of indication that she was enjoying herself. She’d kept herself silent just to bother him, even though she knew the arrogant bastard was too self-assured to ever worry about that.

It was only when she moaned again as he slid deeper, dragging on the ridge of muscles along the topside of her that he quickly looked her over, smirking at the sight before turning away again. She always liked to see his face when she came, and it was only petty rivalry that had kept her from begging him to look over or kiss her while she came on his hand.

Nesta moaned louder, no longer caring how she sounded. Not as Cassian moved his thumb up to her clit and began circling, his two fingers still pumping in and out of her, faster and faster now. Nesta’s hand went out to steady herself against something, anything, as she felt her climax begin to build.

Her nails dug into Cassian’s thigh, and his head whipped back to see her, just as her eyes shut tight at the sheer pleasure coursing through her bloodstream. Cassian didn’t let up, but his free hand circled the hand she’d placed on his thigh and gently clasped it. Nesta squeezed his hand harder and he didn’t let her go, holding her through everything as it ripped through her, shattering her mind to oblivion.

Even as she came down from the crest, Cassian did not stop. She let go of his hand to stop him but he snagged her wrist easily and placed it on her stomach.

“Use your words. If you want me to stop, say so.” And with that, he went back to his ministrations. Nesta whimpered from the overstimulation, even as Cassian gentled his stroking, but he didn’t let up. And Nesta didn’t stop him. It was just this side of pain even as pleasure sparked anew for her, and she didn’t want him to stop.

“That’s what I thought,” he said with a wicked grin. He stretched her with a third finger and Nesta’s eyes rolled back in her head.

”Cassian,” she gasped.

It was all the encouragement he needed as he leaned down again and sucked on her clit while pumping those thick fingers into her. Over and over- fuck.

It was too much, all of it was far too much and she came with a silent scream, back arching up to push her core further into Cassian’s face and hands. He led her through the orgasm again, only this time moving away from touching her as she came down from her high. She didn’t think she could handle another climax so soon and as always, Cassian knew what she needed from him.

He gave her the time she needed to catch her breath, undressing himself fully in that time. Her limbs had turned to jelly, and even though the sight of him fully bare so close beside her made her lust return twofold, she didn’t have the strength to act on it.

Cassian didn’t seem to mind at all, content to kiss her neck, the valley between her breasts, her stomach, her thighs, slowly, softly caressing her with his lips. His hands tickled as they moved up her sides, stroking over her arms, her legs, tangled in her hair. She was content too, at his side, simply allowed to be.

”Are you tired?,” he asked after some time, sucking on her pulse before licking a line down her throat to her breast.

She murmured, eyelids heavy, “No.”

Cassian dragged his teeth over her sensitive nipple and she whimpered as the sensation traveled down to the juncture of her thighs. He looked at her with amusement, hazel eyes flicking over the contours of her body in a generous way.

”I can tell you are,” he admitted. “I can feel it through the bond.”

Yes, he would. It was different now, she could tell. So much more stronger and absolute than when they had first arrived. More than when they had first mated and every time after. It was strange, ancient magic that she wasn’t interested enough in to question.

”It’s fine. I’m fine,” she offered, lifting her chest just so into his face.

He laughed at that, nuzzling and kissing where her heart lay. “You can sleep. We can continue this tomorrow. Or later whenever you wake up.”

Nesta protested, “No. I’m not tired.” He shot her a look. “Alright I’m not that tired.” Her leg came up to wrap around his hip and Cassian pulled her closer on instinct. And then just to prove her point she grabbed his cock and stroked languorously.

“I have plans for us,” she reminded him coyly.

Cassian grabbed her wrist, pulling it towards him and kissing the tips of her fingers before pinning it above her head. “I don’t want to tire you out. Or hurt you,” he conceded.

“You can do whatever you want to me. I don’t mind,” she breathed.

A bare confession but it was the truth. He could do whatever he wanted, take whatever he needed, and she would freely give it. It was heady, the loss of control she could easily give to him and take back without ever worrying it would hurt her. She trusted him that much and something shifted in his face, as if her words had a far deeper impact on him than she could imagine.

He kissed her then, with an unexpected fervor, and when the surprise wore off, she matched every stroke with her own. He moaned into her mouth and she pulled him closer, tugging on his unbound hair just the way she knew he liked it. Cassian broke away to bite at her neck, licking at her jaw before peppering it with kisses. Her hips lifted of their own accord, grinding against him and his hardened length.

He cursed softly, peering down to where she’d pressed herself against him, and a surge seemed to overtake him at the sight of it. His eyes darkened with approval and with a shift of his hips he had thrust himself fully inside her.

Her head fell back against the pillows at the fullness of it, at the pressure that she needed to relieve. Cassian pulled her closer, pulling one leg up as he settled between her thighs. She could imagine the view he had, one which had him looking so positively feral. His cock so impossibly deep inside her, one of her legs curled around his hip, the other raised up around his shoulder, giving him a perfect view of where they were joined.

He shifted slowly, moving out of her with ease before pumping back in. Slowly, so slowly she wanted to die. She snarled with disapproval and his eyes met hers in a smoldering battle of wills.

”Move,” she gritted out.

”Don’t like it?,” he taunted. And moved again, ever so slowly.

“Go faster,” she snapped, because god damn it she couldn’t handle him being inside of her like this. She needed him to move, to fuck, to finish her so thoroughly she would forget her own name.

Cassian didn’t relent, only barely picking up the pace, enjoying his own personal show as he watched his cock slide in and out of her with ease, knowing exactly what it was doing to her. He could get her off in minutes if he wanted to. He was capable and he’d done it more times than she could count now.

This was a game to him, to see how long he could torture her, put off her climax and build the temptation until it was unbearable.

She reached down and played with her clit but Cassian caught the movement immediately, snarling with warning.

She didn’t stop, only purring as she held his burning stare. “Don’t like it?,” she threw back, smiling with anything but kindness.

“You’ll come when I make you, witch,” he snapped, but unlike her, there was no bite to his words, only amused affection.

“And when will that be?” To make her point she shifted her hips, taking him harder and faster until Cassian pinned her hips with a free hand.

She whined at that, “I want-”

Casssian cut her off with a kiss, moving against her lips with a ferocity she couldn’t match.

“I know what you want. You’ll get it,” he promised, a dark glint in his eye that made Nesta shiver. She offered her throat on pure instinct and Cassian leapt at the opportunity, licking and nipping at her pulse point.

He also began moving in her harder, and faster, just how she wanted. Just how she needed from him.

Cassian moaned as he looked down again and Nesta nearly came at the sound itself. It was guttural and low and she could still feel the sound vibrate deep in her chest as he looked down at where they were joined.

His rhythm faltered for a moment as he met her eyes, pulling out of her.

“I could watch you take my cock forever.” It was an obscene sound as his cock slid back into her, and out, over and over as he rammed into her. She screamed, clenching around him, grasping for anything to hold onto.

Tendrils of his hair stuck to his forehead and sweat gleaned on both of their bodies. His muscles tightened and shifted, wings spreading behind him as he pulled her closer, impossibly so, “You’re so good to me Nesta, aren’t you?”

Yes. Gods but she was. But she couldn’t say that, couldn’t manage any words at all on how good she could be to him if he said the word. All he had to do was say it and she was willing to crawl to him and pleasure him for however long he wanted.

His hair tickled her chin as he leaned over her and captured her nipple in his mouth, sucking hard before leaving it with a pop. He dragged his teeth over the other and Nesta moaned his name, not caring for poise anymore. She needed this so much. How she’d held off on touching herself earlier she didn’t know anymore.

Cassian’s fingers found the apex of her thighs with ease and she widened her legs at his touch instinctually. The rise in pleasure, in sensation, was almost instantaneous and she whimpered against his chest.

“Cassian,” she gasped, her heart pounding in her chest, pounding in her ears like a war drum. She was overheated with the heat emanating from both their bodies as they moved against each other. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe right. Cassian steadied her with just one look. Just one look into his hazel eyes and Nesta felt herself relax, giving herself over to the pleasure rather than tightening up against it.

He left a bruising kiss on her lips before he continued bucking into her, his hold on her leg tightening in a warm, solid grip that kept her grounded to reality. It shouldn’t have been possible to feel this much pleasure, to be this undone, and to still keep going. There was no end, no beginning, no sense of place or time. There was just them and that thing in her chest that tightened each time he smiled down at her or held her closer as they both came down from another mind-shattering climax.

“They’ll fade,” Cassian said after what seemed to be hours later after laying silently in their bed. His fingers glided over the bite mark left at her throat in the chaos that had overtaken them and they’d both been reduced to nothing but a rutting and snarling frenzy.

Nesta laughed at that. “You don’t need to act. I know you’re disappointed.”

Cassian grinned, a feral, glinting smile as he curled closer. He dragged his tongue over the small hurt and she bit her lips to hold in any sound that may escape by accident. She didn’t need to encourage him.

”Is that so bad? That I want there to be a reminder for the world that you're mine.”

Something warmed in her heart at the words, the sheer honesty he displayed with them.

Mine.

It was such a simple sentiment, but she’d never had that before. Someone to want her as their own, to accept her as theirs and proclaim her for everyone to see and hear proudly.

“You’re a territorial brute,” she finally decided, quickly kissing him but letting her tongue slide just so over his lips to rile him up.

“You like it,” he lobbied back, leaning in closer to finish what she’d started. But she’d already started untangling her limbs from his and making her way to the bathing chamber.

She didn’t wait to hear what he had to say, knowing it would be a rumbling complaint on her leaving him all alone in their bed. Nesta locked the door behind her for good measure, knowing that a bath to clean off the sweat and sex from her skin would be useless if she allowed him to follow.

Cassian wasn’t in bed when she finally finished changing into clothes and combing her hair. And the bed had been made, with new sheets and all their strewn over belongings set right.

Nesta felt a tug on the bond and she followed her instincts down the stairs and to the sitting room, to where Cassian was waiting for her.

The faelight shone through his wings and she paused to take in the image. The amber and brown skin nearly shimmered as she traced the delicate veins underneath with her eyes. Cassian’s hair was unbound again, so unlike him during training and everyday events where he often tied it out of his face into a haphazard knot. Her hands flexed with the memory of the waves she loved to card through, loved to pull on at times, and loved to simply marvel at. He was so beautiful it hurt.

”There you are,” he said with a smile, reaching out his hand towards her. “I was waiting for you.”

Nesta took his outstretched hand happily, letting him fold her into his hold as she sat in his lap. His scent, spice and embers and snow enveloped her and she breathed it in greedily, moving on instinct to his neck, to the pulse that beat under the skin. Cassian let her, his throat rumbling a groan as she pressed a soft kiss to his neck and then the underside of his jaw.

When he speared his hand through her hair, she expected him to tug her closer but to her disappointment, he pulled her back gently.

Nesta clicked her tongue in irritation, her mind already heady with desire that she needed him to satisfy.

He murmured against her lips while his hands held her face firmly in place and just enough out of reach that she couldn’t kiss him. “As lovely as I know you’ll look on this table when I fuck you on it, I need to finish something first.”

Yes, her. He needed to finish her off.

”Behave,” he admonished, granting her one toe-curling, sensual kiss that she left her panting for more. Nesta narrowed her eyes at him as he made no move to go any further, but when he wouldn’t budge she groused lightly and gave up.

”Fine. What do you want?”

Cassian snickered at her disappointment and turned her gently to the table before them. His hand spanned her waist and she leaned back into the solid warmth of his chest. On the table was a small, black velvet box with her name engraved on it.

She looked back at him and an expectant smile bloomed on his face. He nodded towards the box but there was hesitation looming in his face. Nervousness.

”What-“

“Just, open it sweetheart.”

She huffed but didn’t argue, wondering what he could be so nervous about. The wood was cool to the touch and it opened with a soft click, as if it had been kept untouched for this very moment.

What lay inside took her breath away. A beautiful ring sat glinting in the center of the box, twinkling up at her. Set in what looked to be a silver band that shined in a way she’d never seen before, there were stones embossed in its center. The middle piece was a beautiful oval ruby surrounded by delicate diamonds all around. Nesta had never seen such a beautiful ring in her life, perhaps she never would. It was utterly perfect.

“It’s like your siphons,” she murmured as she pulled it out of its place. She couldn’t help but smile at the likeness. The thought behind it.

”And your fire,” he noted softly, kissing the shell of her ear. “It’s us. Both of us.”

So it was. Her silver fire, the one she’d spent so long running from, was just as much a part of her and who she was becoming as Cassian’s siphons were a part of him. The ring was a perfect union of each of them together.

Nesta reached for his free hand and placed the ring in his palm.

Alarm ran through his face along with bewildered confusion until she placed her left hand out towards him, waiting.

Cassian let out a relieved sigh and laughed a little. “You had me worried there,” he said with another small chuckle before sliding the ring onto her fourth finger.

A perfect fit. Of course. She marveled at her hand, at the way the lights overhead shone through the ruby and reflected a deep red glint around it.

”It’s beautiful,” she admitted, grinning unabashedly at Cassian. “Thank you. I love it. I love you.”

Cassian cupped her face tenderly, answering with a gentle kiss that set her heat soaring. “And I love you. So much,” he breathed out. Their faces were so close she knew they were breathing the same air, living off of each other, existing in sync as she’d always known they were meant to be.

”You need one too. A ring,” she explained after a few moments, pulling only a small distance from him to take him in in his entirety.

He nodded knowingly, as if he’d expected her to say those exact words. He rummaged in his pant pocket for a few moments before pulling out a similar box and handing it to her as well.

Nesta snorted. Of course. She flipped open the box and noted the ring inside was a similar imitation to her own silver band. Slightly thicker than hers with no stones or gems to be found, but there was an intricately engraved design in the color of rubies in the center.

“What is that?,” she asked, tracing the design carefully.

”It’s a marking. Males usually have it tattooed on us when we marry but I didn’t have time to go to Illyria and get it done. I’ll do it when I can, soon, but this is the next best thing.”

“When did you do all this?,” she asked as she pulled his hand forward. She hadn’t seen him meet with any jewelers when they were preparing for the wedding, nor any engravers.

“My band, I received a few days after the Blood Rite. It was easy enough to find a simple band and get it engraved. Most males wear a similar style so it was done the same day.”

“Mmm,” she answered, slipping the ring onto his finger, before kissing his knuckles. Cassian relaxed under her touch, tangling their hands together and appraising them thoughtfully.

“And mine?,” she wondered aloud. “I remember when my father worked with jewelers and traders. A ring like mine couldn’t be done in a day.”

He nodded. “It wasn’t. Took them about a month to get back to me. And then another for me to find the time to go see them in Illyria and pick it up because they made it in the northern villages. Such a long flight Nes, I was so tired after that.”

Nesta frowned, confused. “We only decided to marry three weeks ago.”

Cassian nodded, smirking knowingly. As if he were waiting for her to figure a puzzle out.

Nesta’s breath came unevenly. “When,” she asked hoarsely, nearly heady with the realization she’d already made. “When did you decide to have this ring made?”

Cassian didn’t even hesitate.

“After the ball in Hewn. We danced and I…” he hesitated for a moment. “I just knew. I can’t explain it.”

Soon after it had been Solstice. He’d gotten her the Symphonia, had gone and found all her favorite songs and saved them for her.

It’s a gift, not a fucking wedding ring, he’d told her.

But there had been a wedding ring. The intent behind it and everything else- it had been there all along. He had known for so long, all those months ago, that he wanted to marry her. And she’d never even suspected, never even thought it possible that he could want her in such a way.

Nesta couldn’t stop it, the tears that sprang to her eyes in that very moment. It was suddenly too much to handle, all of her emotions coming at her like a storm. Regret and sadness and excitement and hope and fear and anger and joy and…love. Above all, so much love for him, for who he was, for all he’d given and done for her, and love for this tenuous future they were slowly building together.

Cassian frowned, clicking his tongue at her as he gathered her face in both his hands.

”Don’t cry,” he soothed softly. “Don’t cry. I hate seeing it.”

She sobbed harder and Cassian murmured her name sadly before tucking her into his chest.

“Nesta, Nesta, Nesta.” He stroked her hair gently, holding her through the worst of it.

“I wasted so much time,” she whispered against his heart.

”No,” he answered immediately. Fiercely. He forced her to look up at him, forced her to hold the gaze she so desperately wanted to break from. The hazel in his eyes blazed with so much emotion she couldn’t place it all.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. We were always meant to be sweetheart. Always. From the moment we met. And I already told you once, if we didn’t get time in this world, I would always find you again in the next one. There is no such thing as wasted time. I found you, we’re here, together. It’s exactly as it was meant to be.”

She sniffed and Cassian dried her tears with his calloused hands. She instinctually leaned into his touch, letting his words wash over her.

”Meant to be,” she repeated quietly, more to herself than him.

“Yes,” he murmured, kissing her once, twice. “I am yours. Wholly, completely, forever, yours. And you are mine. I can’t believe it sometimes but you are. And I will never stop being grateful for it.”

“I’m yours,” she promised.

”You are,” he assured her. Kissed her again.

”And you are mine,” she breathed, almost praying it rather than speaking it.

”Always, Nesta. Until my heart stops beating. And even then, even when this world ends, when we end here, we will begin somewhere again. Always.”

Yes. Yes, exactly. He was so right, so true, her heart burned at the words. At the confession. She sighed into his touch, into his mouth as he kissed her fiercely again, consuming every bit of her being. The softness of their touches quickly evolved into more heated ones with frantically meandering hands and exploring fingers. Nesta did not know when they parted, did not know what time even was anymore. She’d been consumed by him, completely, and if this was how and when she went, she’d have no complaints.

Hours later or days later, she didn’t know, she lay tangled against him, the sheets barely covering her because she knew how much he enjoyed the view. The bond was a living force by then, so strong she didn’t know how she’d gone so long ignoring it and forcing it away. She’d laid there counting his breaths, tracing the markings on his bronze skin, marveling at the power, the life that moved under her fingertips. All hers, every part of him.

Nesta had known then that he was her whole heart. Half her soul. The very air that kept her breathing. They had been inevitable from the moment they’d met. The moment he’d looked at her, the moment she’d heard his voice, the moment their eyes had met.

Meant to be.

~*~

New Taglist: Taglist: @endlessdaydream @sleeping-and-books @purpleglitterypinecone @sv0430 @gwynberdara @karmasworlds @bookstantrash @duskandstarlight @d0riansgray @perseusannabeth@vasudharaghavan @sayosdreams @arielle-reads @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @nahthanks @oversizedbats @swankii-art-teacher @inardour @rowaelinismyotp @starryblueskies7 @vidalinav @nessiantrashh @imagine-me @iwastoowildinthe70s @lady-winter-sunrise @vanzetanze @moodymelanist @wishfulimaginings @amaranthas-whore @simpingfornestaarcheron @generalnesta @mis-lil-red @nestaisgod @booksstorm @loosingdreams @champanheandluxxury @18moneytoad @starksravings @tinasbookishlife @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @nesquik-arccheron @readingwitches @that-golden-lyre @awesomelena555 @wannawriteyouabook @story-scribbler @readingismyonlyhobby

#Nesta #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fic #nesta and cassian #nesta fanfiction #acotar #acosf #a court of silver flames #pro nesta #nesta x cassian #pro nesta archeron #nesta acotar #nessian fanfiction #arinbelle

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evercelle · 6 months ago

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hello!! ive been following from here and on twitter, but mostly twitter, since u veeery first started posting xiaoven (venxiao?) art

i wanted to let you know that your art has irreversibly changed my life for the better. ive been drawing since i was very very tiny but by the time i got to junior year of high school i had no muse and no inspiration and no direction and your posts got to me at just the right time. your use of composition and colors are gorgeous and i dont even usually enjoy this type of art style but yours really just spoke to me

working tirelessly to get “to your level” (as silly as it sounds) completely reignited a spark in me — receiving your xiaoven christmas card and being able to examine all the details in physical form inspired me to work on a huge, detailed illustration of my own! (or at least i thought it was huge and detailed at the time lmao, looking back it’s not all that great). and even outside of that, every illustration was a push for me to learn more about backgrounds, lighting, the placement of detail, expression, character design — it was a lot and im eternally grateful for it.

sorry for rambling at you !! but thank you so much for the work you do. im now broke in my early years of college so i havent been able to afford your shop wares, but i wouldve loved to help monetarily for all the good youve done for me just by existing. im not nearly as active of a follower as before (and even then ‘active’ was a stretch, ive kind of just lurked) but one of my mutuals reposted a work of yours and i felt like just kinda putting this here iunno

and im so so sorry if this is super parasocial or weird LOL :”))) i promise this is probably the only time ill have the courage to interact directly

thank you, ever :)

heyo anon!! i was pretty floored reading this... thank you for taking the time to send such a kind message. i don't think it's ever too late to come back to drawing, so i'm glad you found your drive. hope you've been having fun with every single illustration since, no matter how they turned out!

developing skills is hard and sometimes discouraging work... but i think getting to the point where you're able to express yourself the way you want must be one of the happiest feelings in the world.

#ASK EVER

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coliepng · 3 months ago

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How would you define a commonplace journal?

oooo well while i traditionally always have an entry about commonplacing as my first page in mine, they're not in my own words and i feel like this is asking for me to define it as such. so let me preface this with: i do tend to combine it with my planner, because i write things down most regularly when ive only got one notebook to keep track of. the bonus of this is that i get to look back on the picture of my life as a whole. oftentimes, the things i write down have something to do with what's going on in my life. quotes or lyrics or research because it is relevant. but, as a standalone, a commonplace journal is a means to look at myself from the outside a little more. planners/diaries tend to be very raw looks at myself. things i must do, things i have done, thoughts i have about them. rants and dreams and notes about my health. yes, this is me, this is how i keep track of things, how i might feel in a moment but not necessarily how i end up after processing things. a commonplace is more akin to glancing myself in a mirror's reflection of myself within another mirror. if a diary-type journal is a mirrored reflection, a commonplace is double that. i perceive myself as others might -- glances at what moves me, what interests me, what is special to me. others do not get to look at my diary, but i'd happily share my commonplace entries with someone. not only that, but it is a kinder way to reflect on myself. in a diary, i write in a stream of consciousness style where i do not necessarily stop myself from going to extremes, because i honestly need to in order to realize i am overreacting. i'll read things back and see i am just being silly or now that the emotion is over with, i no longer feel that way. i do not want others reading these things, because just because i wrote something there, i do not always still feel the same after writing it. but in my commonplace, i really might only gather a quote or lyric that alludes to how i am feeling, when i have too much emotion inside me. or perhaps relates to something far in the past. or again, research, playlists, notes about video games, patterns, memories, even little doodles... these are more like little postcards ive sent myself to help keep track of where i've been. or kind of like a photo album, but with words, i guess? and yes, still a few pictures, but usually of works i like rather than photos of my life. (but occasionally those, too!

i do often blur the lines of diary journaling and commonplace journaling. i end up being a little too personal in my commonplace. i do have an update regarding how ive been using notebooks recently coming, now that i've really solidified my system, but this was lovely to come back to tumblr to first. thanks for asking! i could go on much longer but i think this is a good place to wrap it up lol. but if anyone wants me to elaborate on anything, lmk! i will gladly lol

#answered #asks #on journals #commonplace journals #on commonplacing #commonplacing #commonplace #commonplace book

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shion-yu · 9 months ago

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A Safe Place (part 3) [day 18]

A feverish Cliff is seen in the emergency room. For @monthofsick Day 18 “Unfamiliar surroundings”. 2,965 words, original work, TWs emeto, hospital content.

Part 1 | Part 2 - I swear this was supposed to be 2 parts but now it’s gonna be 4? Lol whoops.

Elliot supported Cliff into the busy ER. It was a Saturday, of course there were a lot of people there, Elliot thought regretfully. Silly to hope otherwise. Elliot eased Cliff into a seat as close to the reception desk as possible and then checked Cliff in, presenting Cliff’s ID and health insurance card. He was grateful Cliff’s wallet and phone were the two things his boyfriend had actually brought with him when he left his parents’ house, although a jacket and his inhaler would have been useful third and fourth choices.

“What’s this visit for?” The receptionist asked after scanning the cards and handing them back to Elliot.

“My boyfriend is having trouble breathing,” Elliot said, hoping this concerned her as much as it concerned him. “He has asthma, he’s wheezing, and he has a high fever. He didn’t know who I was earlier.”

The receptionist stood up a little to catch a glimpse of Cliff in his seat, who did look like he was struggling. “Okay, we’ll get him triaged as soon as possible,” the receptionist said. Elliot chose to believe her for his own sanity’s sake. “In the meantime, have him wear a mask.”

Cliff sagged against Elliot when Elliot sat next to him. He was in no shape to do paperwork, so Elliot tried to fill it out as much as he could. Fifteen minutes passed. Cliff was whimpering in pain and his wheeze had grown louder. “Just a few more minutes, Cliffy,” Elliot said, hoping it wasn’t a lie. Thirty minutes passed. Cliff was now insisting he was fine after all, and that they ought to go home. But that was when he was lucid, which would last only a minute before he’d follow up by saying something that made very little sense and reminded Elliot exactly why they couldn’t leave. Finally, about forty minutes after they’d checked in, a nurse called Cliff’s name and brought them to a small room between the waiting room and the actual ER. Elliot repeated the story he’d given the receptionist although more aggressively this time as the nurse nodded and took Cliff’s vitals.

Elliot never wanted Cliff to be so sick. However, his vitals did prompt some action and for that Elliot was grateful. Cliff’s fever was 103.5 now, his oxygen running lower than expected at 92%, and his heart rate and blood pressure were both high. The nurse led them to a stretcher in a curtained off bay and told Cliff to change into a gown. Elliot had to help Cliff climb up, his boyfriend’s coordination poor. His hands were shaking too hard to button his own gown up, so Elliot did it for him.

“Don’t feel good,” Cliff mumbled, swaying even as he sat up on the stretcher.

“I know, just lie back,” Elliot said. “They’re gonna help you.”

Thankfully, this time they only waited about ten minutes before a new nurse came in with a small bucket full of supplies. She introduced herself as Anna and said she was going to insert an IV, take some blood, and hook Cliff up to oxygen and fluids. She was also going to swab Cliff for flu and strep, but Elliot explained the urgent care had already done that. “Well, this tests for some other stuff too, it’s a full respiratory panel. I’d recommend we just do it anyways.” Elliot agreed on Cliff’s behalf; Cliff seemed to be communicating only in nods at this point.

Nurse Anna looped some oxygen tubing over Cliff’s ears first and plugged it into the wall. She also attached a blood pressure cuff and oxygen probe that she said would stay on for now for monitoring. Elliot felt like all the devices only made Cliff look sicker. Anna swabbed Cliff’s nose, which made him cough harshly to the point of gagging, and then got ready to insert an IV.

Cliff looked to Elliot in panic, swallowing rapidly. ‘Faint,’ he mouthed to Elliot helplessly. “Um, I think he passes out when there’s needles,” Elliot spoke up for him. Cliff nodded gratefully.

“Well you’re in the right place if you do,” Nurse Anna said. She lowered the head of the stretcher and told Elliot to hold Cliff’s hand as she looked for a vein in his other arm. “I’ll go super quick,” she reassured them, and she was right. It was quick. But Cliff turned sheet white and got really sweaty and by the time she’d collected enough tubes of blood, flushed and secured the hub and hooked him up to a bag of fluids, Cliff was barely conscious. “Don’t worry, it happens,” she said. She put a pillow under Cliff’s legs and told him to breathe deeply through his nose. Elliot found her calm demeanor the only thing keeping him calm, because it seemed terrifying even if it was normal. Cliff followed her directions and eventually gained some color back. Anna said his blood pressure was coming back up and that he should just lie there with his feet up for a few more minutes, then left the room.

“I’m sorry,” Cliff apologized miserably for the tenth time since they’d come back here.

“Baby, please, stop apologizing,” Elliot told him. “You’re here because you have to be and you’re not doing anything bad or wrong. Just rest.”

Cliff’s eyes filled with tears and he covered them with his forearm. “I suck,” he whimpered, Elliot’s words clearly not having reached him as intended. Elliot sighed and put one hand on Cliff’s head to stroke his sweaty hair. It wasn’t worth fighting Cliff on this right now. Elliot just had to be there for him.

Cliff fell asleep to Elliot’s relief. Elliot texted his mom what was going on and hoped this wasn’t as bad as it felt. Cliff snored quietly until a woman came with a huge portable x-ray machine. “Sorry to wake you up,” she said, “Cliff? I’m here to get your x-ray. I’ll go fast.”

Cliff opened his eyes and stared blankly at her. Elliot wasn’t sure if Cliff knew what was going on at this point so he stroked Cliff’s arms and explained, “Cliff? She’s gonna take the pictures of your lungs now.” He helped the x-ray tech manipulate Cliff’s torso so that he was lying on a hard board. Elliot stood in the doorway while they did the films.

“Alright, take a nice deep breath for me and hold it,” the x-ray tech said. “I know, good job, got it. You can cough.” And cough Cliff did, that same desperate wet cough that had made Elliot’s mind up to bring him here. He managed to catch his breath, but it wasn’t over. “One more,” the tech said, moving the boards and machine around to point at Cliff’s side now. “Again. Deep breath. One, two, and good. Let it out.”

This time Cliff didn’t seem able to stop coughing. He coughed until each gasp sounded like a Herculean struggle and Elliot wasn’t sure that any of that air he was gulping in was actually reaching his lungs. The machine that was measuring Cliff’s oxygen levels started to beep and the tech told Elliot she was going to find the nurse. Elliot held on to Cliff and tried to soothe him, but it didn’t seem to work. Cliff just kept coughing until suddenly his eyes flew open and he spewed a sharp wave of vomit from his mouth all the way to the end of the stretcher. Elliot winced, pulling back and trying not to look at the mess. Cliff spluttered and coughed between additional harsh gags that produced little besides a stream of thick brown saliva that pooled in his lap. Elliot prayed the nurse would come in soon and hesitantly rubbed Cliff’s back. He didn’t know what to do and Cliff seemed frozen, unable to lift his head or close his mouth.

Thankfully the nurse showed up then and said, “Oh no!” Oh no was right, Elliot thought anxiously. “Did we just get coughing too hard?” She glanced at Cliff's oxygen levels and turned a small green dial on the wall, which made a quiet hissing noise for a second as the flow of oxygen increased. “Don’t worry hun, we’re going to get you cleaned up.” She found a change of sheets in one of the cupboards behind the stretcher and changed the blankets and top sheet in record time. She checked Cliff’s fluids which were nearly done and then charted standing in the room for a few minutes on her rolling computer.

Cliff was silent, hunched over holding a pink plastic basin in his lap in case of another incident, and Elliot couldn’t tell if he was just out of it or humiliated. The room still smelled of putrid stomach acid; Elliot breathed through his mouth. His phone dinged in his pocket and he saw an alarmed text from his mother. He didn’t have time to reply though, as the doctor walked in at that moment.

“Doctor Jim,” Anna greeted him politely, scooting her computer farther away from the bedside. “He just threw up coughing and I turned up his oxygen.”

“I’m not surprised,” Dr. Jim said. He looked to be in about his forties, was mostly bald and had tiny round glasses that looked too small for his face. “Cliff? I’m Jim, I’m a physician here. How are you doing today?”

Elliot thought that was a stupid question. Cliff looked at Dr. Jim with hazy eyes and mumbled, “Sick.”

“Well, that makes sense. You’ve got yourself a nasty case of double pneumonia,” Dr. Jim said. Elliot’s heart sank. “Has this ever happened to you before?”

Cliff shook his head no. He moved his hand to the edge of the bed that Elliot understood as a silent signal to hold it, which he did. “Well, I think it’s best if we admit you for observation overnight with the vitals you have. I’m going to order two IV antibiotics and some steroids, try and get that swelling down in your lungs and hopefully you’ll be feeling better in no time. How’s that sound?”

Cliff didn’t answer. “That sounds fine,” Elliot said, squeezing Cliff’s hand. “Can I stay with him?”

“Once we move him to the floor, visiting hours are eight to eight,” Dr. Jim said. “But you can stay with him for as long as he’s in the ER.” He turned to Anna and gave a few other orders for Zofran, Tylenol, albuterol and budesonide treatments. It all seemed so casual to them, but Elliot was still disturbed by how sick Cliff looked and seemed to him.

Dr. Jim physically examined Cliff next. Cliff shuddered and Dr. Jim apologized for his cold hands, but Elliot knew that the temperature hadn’t had anything to do with it. He hummed a lot, wrote down some notes, and then left with a “Hope you feel better soon.” Elliot wondered if he told all his patients that, or just the ones who could actually get better soon. Nurse Anna also excused herself to get the ordered medications, leaving Elliot alone with Cliff once again.

“So… pneumonia. That sounds pretty bad,” Elliot said. “Why didn’t you tell me you felt so sick?”

“You were at work. I didn’t want to bother you,” Cliff said in a tiny voice. “And then I tried to text you but none of the letters in my phone made sense.”

Elliot felt his chest clench painfully hearing that. “Cliff, you wouldn’t have bothered me.”

“But I’m bothering you now,” Cliff whimpered.

Elliot frowned. “I didn’t say that.” Silence from Cliff. Elliot sighed and grasped Cliff’s hand in his own. “Cliff, Cliffy, can you look at me?” It took a second, but fever-bright, hazel eyes eventually focused on Elliot. “You’re my boyfriend. I want you to be okay. Can you at least try to trust me?”

“I do trust you,” Cliff whispered, voice hurt.

“Then let me care about you.”

Cliff fell quiet again and Elliot sat back but kept Cliff’s hand in his. Cliff had his eyes closed, but it didn’t do much to hide the tears that escaped from the corners of them. Elliot didn’t say anything, just brushed them off of Cliff’s cheeks with his sleeve. Once Cliff was asleep, Elliot finally allowed his own silent tears to fall.

Eventually a CNA came to bring Cliff down to the short-stay unit. She rolled Cliff’s stretcher down the hall and into an elevator. Cliff looked nervous and kept glancing at Elliot, making sure he was still right next to him. Elliot always was. They got to a small room that had a real hospital bed in it and the CNA and Elliot both helped Cliff take two steps from the stretcher onto the bed. It was painful for Elliot to see how difficult even this brief transfer was for Cliff, and Cliff started another one of his long coughing spasms afterwards. Elliot rubbed Cliff’s arm, unsure what else he could possibly do to help. “Water,” Cliff croaked hoarsely between deep, rattling coughs.

“Sure. Um…” Elliot looked around him but this room was barely more than an ER bay. It didn’t even have windows. “Let me go check,” he said, and went to go look for the nurse’s station. There were two tired and rather bored looking, middle aged women sitting at computers at the end of the hall. “Excuse me? My boyfriend just got here and he could use some water…”

“I’m almost there,” one of the nurses said, which Elliot thought was a weird thing to say when she very much wasn’t almost there. Regardless, they didn’t seem to like him hovering very much so Elliot went back to Cliff’s room. There was nowhere for him to sit, so he stood at the bedside. Cliff had managed to stop coughing at least.

The nurse, despite her indifferent demeanor, did show up with a little bin that contained hospital socks, meds and a large plastic jug of water. “Clifford Barrows, hmm? I’m Carey. And you are…?” She raised an eyebrow at Elliot.

Suddenly feeling extra protective, Elliot quickly said, “His boyfriend.”

“Alright. Mr. Barrows, are you okay to have Elliot in here?”

Cliff nodded a yes. Elliot thought it was so weird to hear Cliff called by his last name. They seemed too young for that.

“Well, your boyfriend will have to leave after I finish this admission paperwork as visiting hours are over soon, but remind me to get you a chair for tomorrow,” Carey said. She started a myriad of questions, which included Cliff’s emergency contact.

“Make it Elliot,” Cliff said quickly, looking at him. “Um, will my dad know I’m here?”

“You’re eighteen, right? Not unless you tell him,” Carey said. “But I see your dad is the primary insurance holder so he may see the invoice after you’re discharged. It shouldn’t show any details though.”

Cliff grimaced but nodded. At least there would be no confrontation in the actual hospital, Elliot thought to himself. Carey kept asking questions, which ranged from did Cliff smoke to could he walk up a flight of stairs to did he have any plans to hurt himself right now. They seemed a little ridiculous to Elliot, but Cliff was able to answer all of them with simple yes’s and no’s pretty quickly since he was for the most part entirely healthy.

“You’re easy,” Carey said, winking at Cliff. “Boyfriend? Visiting hours are over now honey, so you say your goodbyes and you can come back at 8am tomorrow morning.” Elliot thought she was kind of like those old ladies at diners who yelled at you for your order but called you honey so you couldn’t feel totally attacked.

He nodded and gave Cliff a quick hug. He thought about kissing him, but Cliff didn’t like to be kissed in front of other people so he just squeezed Cliff’s hand instead. “I’ll be back in the morning,” he promised. “Get some rest and tell them if you don’t feel good, okay?”

“Okay,” Cliff said. He looked scared, so Elliot hugged him again and kissed the top of his head this time.

“I love you,” Elliot said. “I know you can be strong for me. You’ve got your phone right here.”

Elliot didn’t look back as he left, because he could feel Cliff’s kicked puppy expression trailing him and knew if he did, it would be ten times harder to leave. He walked to the parking lot without thinking, got in his car, and drove home without Cliff beside him. He made it to the park a block away from his parents’ house before he pulled over and cried for a solid ten minutes.

Cliff was going to be okay, Elliot told himself. Cliff was stronger than he seemed, and realistically Elliot couldn’t be there for him every second of the way. But he’d promised Cliff they weren’t going to the hospital, and then he promised Cliff that he’d be right there next to him the whole time. He’d broken both of these promises and now Cliff was sleeping in a hospital bed, in a tiny room with no windows and only a crotchety old lady to keep an eye on him. Elliot felt just terrible and wondered if he’d made the wrong choice dragging Cliff to the ER. All he wanted was for Cliff to be okay, though, and he really hadn’t seemed okay today.

Elliot wiped his tears away and told himself he had to be strong. This seemed so intense and adult, but Elliot couldn’t let it overwhelm him. He tried to remember the coping mechanisms his therapist had taught him back in high school. Deep breaths. One second at a time. He could do it, and so could Cliff. Elliot turned on the car and returned home by himself.

[Part 4]

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cl0wn-tim3 · 8 months ago

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Iv put way too much though into an ace attorney au for dungeon meshi, and idk if this has been done before, but here's my take-

Chillchuck

Chillchuck would be a prosecutor - probably the Winston Payne of the au. He is smug and overconfident but loses his shit way too easily in court and lies/manipulates evidence (not that uncommon for aa prosecutors tbh but in a more overt way)-

Also he would need to stand on things to be tall enough to see over the table and I think that would be funny/ provide a good gimic for his character.

Marcille

Marcille would be the falsely accused but with kinda solid evidence for why they are being accused- she seems to have a proclivity to be in bad situations but I do not think she would actually kill anyone unless it was 100% valid and deserved + I think it was probably a wrong place wrong time situation and she was littraly just existing and found a crime scene and tried to take manners into her own hands wich made her 2000% more suspicious.

Laios

Laios would be a defense attorney that knows all of the material and what he's supposed to do in theory -but is over exited to use the knowledge and gets carried away and jumps to conclusions a bit to hastily

Falin

Falin would be the younger sidekick type characters that the aa protagonists always have that end up being very useful at keeping the protagonists (laios in this case) grounded and pointing out pretty obvious stuff they didn't get + her and marcellus can be childhood friends so in a case where marcellus is the defendant it can cause dynamics ++ her going missing could be an overarching plot

Kabru

Kabru would also be a prosecutor- probobly the main one- that kinda hated laios at first but they grow to kinda get along like they hang out outside of work but kabru still things he's a freak and keeps his work/confidentiality above there friendship (like a pheonix-edgeworth situation but with less gay undertones sorry laios x kabru enjoyers). He would be relitivly collected in the courtroom until laios said some unhinged shit that turns out to be correct somehow

Senshi

Senshi is the only one I can't figure out tbh I dont think he would be a prosecutor because that doesn't seem in character but I don't think he would be a defense attorney because he would think it's silly/not very affective- I genuinely just think he would hate the court system as a whole finding it unfair and under developed.

I could see him as a re-acuring side characters that comes up once in a while who just happens to be a key witness or comes to help in some way but idk.

Speed round for everyone else

- shuro is a witness that seems pretty confident in the testimony, and you only find contradictions on a technicality and/or small detail

- cithis is a prosecutor on par with von'carma (probably spelled that wrong) senior- aggressive and tries to end the case asap whatever the cost

- namari is a defense attorney that seems very put off at first but does what she can for her clients

- izutsumi is an unreliable witnes that ends up giving away vital info after being pressed enough

- mithrun barely survived an attempted murder and maizuru made you take his case

- sissel did a murder but feels justified (hell, he might even be justified depending on the case)

Plz note this theoretically would take place in an ace attorney style world that just happens to have multiple diffrent races so magic probobly would not be as common as in dungeon meshi but it's not off the table

#guys im sorry the rot consumes or whatever #i gotta combine the hyperfixations its honestly a primal urge in me #fandom posting #ace attorney #ace attorney au #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi au #crosover au #laios touden #chillchuck

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malii-the-bonehead · 6 months ago

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The Other Woman pt5

heres part 5.. i know it took a while but honestly ive been slacking due to the rafe story im writing. i need to get more chapters of this done so that i dont have to stress about it as much as i have been.

Anyways enjoy part 5<3

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 5

I’m sitting in the parking lot of the cafe. Honestly, I didn’t want to be here. When I got home from the store, I found mom sprawled out on the floor, bottle in hand and puke next to her. I ended up having to drag her to bed and cleaning her mess. I wish I had the money to send her to a rehab place. She needs to get clean. I thought about texting dad and asking him, but I decided against it. I don’t want help from him. I didn’t need his help anyways.

Other than that mess, everything was fine. I ended up having spare time so I went to my plugs house and got a gram from him. Not for now, but whenever I felt like smoking. I had to restock in case, you know?

I sat in my car for about 15 minutes before receiving a text from Chris.

You still coming? I checked the time. It was 5:34. I sent him a text back.

I’m waiting on you, silly. I’ve been here for 15 minutes already. I put my phone down on the seat next to me. I reached into the backseat of my car and grabbed my old calculus textbook from last year. My phone rang.

I got here at 5 lol. I’ve been waiting for you since then. I’m already inside by the window.

I quickly got out of my car. I didn’t know he was here. I rushed inside the small and homey feeling cafe. When I stepped into the building, the smell of apple pie and coffee filled my nose. I liked the smell of this place. I looked around, seeing Chris on his phone next to the window like he said he was. I walked over to him.

“I’m sorry you were waiting so long. I wish you told me you were already here,” I mumbled and sat down in the open seat across from him. He looked at me, placing his phone in his pocket. There were papers and two books scattered on the table, as well as a pastry, what looked to be a croissant. A chocolate croissant with a few bites taken out of it. I loved chocolate croissants..

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I didn’t know you were here either. We probably should have texted each other, huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed.

“Yeah, that would have been a good idea,” I giggled. “So, let's see what you’re working on.” I placed my book down, next to all the papers and books along the table.

“Before we start, are you hungry? I’ll pay for it, just order what you want.” Chris smiled at me from across the table. I smiled back.

“No, no, I’ll pay for my food. Thank you though.” He rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on. It’s the least I can do for making you come all the way here just to help me study.” I shook my head.

“Fine, but only this once.” I gave him a stern face. I meant it. I didn’t want him paying for me. I’d probably feel bad later for making him pay for me today.

Chris asked me what I wanted.

“Hm, I think I’ll get a chocolate croissant as well. Yours looks really good. Also a hot coffee, add sugar and creamer.” He looked at me, taking in the things I asked for. He nodded his head standing up.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“No, thank you.”

“I’ll be back in a sec.” He turned around, walking to the counter to order my food and coffee. I looked at the papers on the table, trying to read the handwriting on each one. Chris didn’t have very readable handwriting…

After a few minutes of trying to figure out what the papers said, Chris came back. He placed my food and coffee down in front of me as well as a water bottle.

“One croissant, hot coffee, and water for the pretty lady,” He said before sitting back down in his chair. My face started to get warm.

“Thanks,” I mumbled and looked away towards the window.

“So, did you find out what all this shit means,” Chris grabbed a paper from the small stack in front of me.

“To be honest, I couldn’t read your notes. But I could read the typed questions.” He laughed a little.

“Yeah, my handwriting was never the best.”

“As long as you can read it, right?”

“Right,” he chuckled. He placed the paper in front of me and started pointing out the things he was struggling with. Time to get to work, I internally sighed.

–

Helping Chris wasn’t hard at all. He was a fast learner and quick to keep the information in his head.

Chris groaned and stretched his arms over his head. He leaned back slightly before speaking. “Man, I’m tired. I think we need a break. We’ve been doing this for an hour and a half and I think I got the concept down.”

“How about you do these last three problems,” I scribbled two easy equations and one hard one before sliding the paper in his direction. “Then, we can take a break.”

Chris did the first two problems easily. The last one took him longer than the others but he got the right answer in the end.

“You’re catching on really fast, Sturniolo.” He smiled at me, a big grin on his face.

“Thank you, Miss L/n.” I felt my cheeks turn pink from that. “You know, it seems like everytime I say something, your face turns pink.”

I felt my face get even pinker, probably red at this point.

“No it doesn’t,” I denied. I knew it did. But would I agree with him on that? No.

“Yes, I think it does. I see it all the time when I talk to you.”

I rolled my eyes.

Chris’s pov

My stomach hurts. It felt like someone was twisting my guts around. She made me so nervous and honestly, I don’t think she notices how she makes me feel. Everything she says makes my heart melt. When she calls me by my name, or even the nicknames she's given me. It makes me want to go feral. If I didn’t have any self control, and wasn’t raised right, then I probably would have. She makes me crazy and I hate it. But God, I love it so much. The feelings she makes me experience are unreal. So unreal to the point that I have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure it isn’t all a dream.

“When do you think we should wrap this up? Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed being here with you today, but don’t you have better things to do?” She looked at me with a dazed face. She looked so pretty.

I wish I could tell her. Just tell her everything.

“Yeah, you’re probably right about cleaning up. I’m not busy for the rest of the day, but it is getting late. You probably have some things to do, too.”

She looked out the window. “Actually, there is something I need to do.”

My face dropped. I didn’t want her to go yet. Not that I’d admit that to her.

“Well, thank you for the help, Y/n. I really appreciate it.” She noticed the look on my face.

“Hey, since you’re not busy, why don’t you come with me? I can drop you off at home after if you’d like,” she offered. My face lit up again.

“Really? Ah, that would be awesome,” I started to pack up my things, standing from my chair after her.

As we walked towards the door, I asked her, “Where is it you need to go?”

“First we’ll go to my car so u can put your things in it, then I need to go get a few books I’ve been dying to read. Luckily, the library is just across the street.” She almost skipped along the sidewalk to her car.

“That sounds perfect.”

–

We made it to her car. She unlocked the door for me and I placed my bag in the passenger seat. She ended up giving me her old calculus book so my bag was pretty much bursting at this point.

After we had finished up there, we started walking to the library. There was something soothing about being around her. Even if we didn’t talk, just her presence made me feel tingly inside.

We made it to the very large building, walking through the automatic doors in the front. I pretty much followed her like a lost puppy.

We had come to a stop in front of the romance section. She dragged her fingers along the spines of some of the books along the shelves. She grabbed one, a thick book with torn edges and yellowed pages.

“You really like the thickest books out there, don’t you,” I snickered behind her.

She turned around and looked at me, a smug smile on her face.

“Yes, maybe you should try reading one? You might learn something from these.” She giggled. I placed my hand on my heart, letting out a fake, pained sigh. She giggled again. “I’m only joking, Chris.”

She faced the shelves again, browsing a little before grabbing two more books. After that, we walked around some more. We went to the educational section, fiction, non-fiction, mystery, you name it. She seemed to have grabbed at least one book from every section.

We found ourselves in front of the poetry section.

“Do you need some help with those,” I questioned. She had a stack of at least 8 books in her hands, most of them thick and probably heavy.

“Please,” she sighed, handing me 4 of the 8. After, she looked around the poetry area when she noticed a book on the top shelf. She tried to reach up, failing to grab the thing that caught her eye.

I noticed her struggle and went behind her, reaching up and grabbing the book she had been reaching for. She turned around, looking up at me with a pink face.

“Your face is pink again,” I whispered. We were very close. So close that I almost felt her breath on my face. God, I want to kiss her so bad right now. This was the perfect chance, but I couldn’t. I have a girlfriend.

“Is it?” She whispered back. I felt my stomach start to flip, once again. It seems to do that a lot these days.

“Very,” I replied. Time seemed to move slowly, not that I minded.

She stayed looking at me.

If you keep looking at me like that I might go insane, I thought. Her phone began to ring. I pulled myself from her eyes, stepping back from her and handing her the big, brown poetry book. She took it, also grabbing her phone from her back pocket. She turned it off, picking her phone back up in the safety of her jeans.

“Who was that?”

“My mom,” she replied. “We should probably get going now.” She walked past me, speedily walking to the front of the library to check out the books. I hope I didn’t freak her out or anything. I really hope I didn’t.

Y/n’s pov

Mom texted me a few times after I declined her call. She had asked where I was and when I was going to be home. I shut off my phone, placing it in my lap. The stack of books in the backseat of my car were almost to the top of the seat. Chris had helped me carry them to my car.

Now, I was driving him home. He sat awkwardly in the passenger seat. I noticed he had fiddled his thumbs a few times. Something people do when they’re nervous.

“You okay?” I questioned him. I kept my gaze on the road ahead of me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.'' I glanced at him briefly.

“Okay.. If I did something to upset you, you’d tell me right?”

“You didn’t do anything, Y/n. I guess I’m just upset our little adventure is coming to an end.”

I giggled at his statement.

“Come on, silly. Don’t be upset over spilled milk. We can hang out another day if you want. I just need to get home to my mother. I need to make sure she’s doing alright. I hope you understand.”

He nodded his head knowingly towards me. We ended up not talking the rest of the ride to his house. The music playing from my speakers was barely noticeable, but it left a good atmosphere between us.

Chris had told me every turn to take until it was the final one into his driveway. Chris had a nice, big house. One that his parents must have worked very hard for.

“Thank you for today, Y/n. I had fun.” He looked at me before grabbing his bag off the passenger floor.

“Me too, Chris. Me too.”

He opened the door and before shutting it, he said, “Text me when you get home so I know you made it safe. And be careful, it’s late.”

It was now 9. We spent the whole evening together. A few hours at the cafe and library and about an hour drive to his house.

“I will, have a good night, Chris.”

He smiled at me and shut the door. I waited for him to get to his front door before beginning to pull out of his driveway. Before I could though, I noticed him wave goodbye to me. I waved back, then headed home for the night.

–

When I got home, mom wasn’t there. She was probably at the bar again. I sighed and went to my room. I grabbed some clothes and went to my bathroom, getting ready for my shower. I picked up my phone off my bedside table and opened Chris’s messages. I sent him a quick text.

I’m home and I made it safely. Not even 10 seconds later, I heard my phone ding.

Thank God. I was starting to think you got kidnapped or something. I smiled at his message. I walked into the bathroom once again, running the shower on warm water. That would have sucked, wouldn't it?

100%. Then who would I talk to in 3rd hour? Me, myself, and I? I don’t think so.

I put my phone down on the counter by my sink. I stripped out of my clothes before picking it back up.

If I were you I’d love to talk to myself lol. I waited for a text back for a few minutes, but not one came. I’m going to take a shower. I’ll text you when I’m out.

I shut off my phone and stepped into the warm water. I needed this shower so bad. Today was very, very long.

When I finished showering, I put on my clothes and grabbed my phone. I went to my bed, getting under the covers and shutting off my light. I checked my messages. He still hadn’t responded.

It’s nothing, Y/n. Don’t get attached. Don’t wait for his messages. And definitely don’t be upset when he doesn’t text back.

I wanted to send him another text message, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. I ended up sending him another one anyway. A simple, Goodnight, Chris. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. I internally cringed. Why did I send that?

I shut off my phone and flipped over onto my side. It was time to get some rest. I had work tomorrow and it was already 10. I shut my eyes but when I did, the memory of Chris leaning over me at the library replayed in my head. I thought about what could have happened if my mom hadn’t called me at that moment. What that would have led to. I ended up falling asleep thinking about that.

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