#it feels so much better to wear your heart on your sleeve and get rejected rather than keeping it in

[b4rfbrain]

playing it cool is soooo incredibly stupid

tell people you love them. tell them you miss them or think about them all the time. respond right away. text them first.

people are so cold but being warm feels so good. close interpersonal relationships that hold meaning are one of the best things that this world has to offer. don’t deny yourself from that experience out of pride or fear of rejection.

[speadrunner]

Who is (actually) the hottest Monsters & Girls character?

Link to poll: https://www.tumblr.com/idolomantises/745892368364060672

CW: This will be a long post;

(Note: this is completely for comical purposes, please don’t take this too seriously. I have all the respect in the world for @idolomantises and their work)

1. Sera

👍: Perhaps the titular character of the series, Sera is beautiful angel (literally) and is arguably the kindest character in the whole series

👎: I challenge you to draw this woman without screaming at yourself/into a pillow

2. Lili

👍: Endearing, welcoming, understanding, and can be very fun. Pretty much wears her heart on her sleeve with how open she is.

👎: Literally THE sexy character. It’s obvious why you picked her as the hottest, now go get better tastes.

3. Cheri

👍: She’s sooo soft omg. She’s so sweet you’ll have a sweet tooth just for her even if you don’t like sweets

👎: I will not talk ill of this lady because I literally cannot, but for all intents and purposes this is a contest to see who is the hottest, not the most wholesome. Sorry 🫡

4. Junior

👍: Blunt and cute, plus a goat. Cute goats are always an A+ character design. Where would we be without them tbh?

👎: Bluntness can lead to rudeness and or discomfort. Nothing super bad about Junior just prob not the best choice for this. Just sayin

5. Scylla

👍: Lord have mercy I understand where people are coming from. Hooo doggy what a woman.

👎: I can’t remember the exact post but I recall it being said that she bites your head off or something if you get too close or look at her weird. That’s no good

6. Ciel

👍: Easily one of my favorite designs. He’s definitely the prettiest boy of the entire cast

👎: One of those cases where he’s too good for you, ya know what I mean? He’s way out of your league I don’t make the rules

7. Catty

👍: Nya~ Very fashionable going off of recent appearances. Design hasn’t changed too much in comparison to others, meaning that

👎: I like dogs more, plus she’s not open with her thoughts and feelings, leading to awkward moments when she lets it all out

8: Luvart

👍: Big, beefy, strong, fire. Need I say more? She treats sex workers with respect for their profession and would be a completely package when you don’t consider…..

👎: …She has no qualms murking you just because and her greatest offense is being the arch rival of the best character a special someone

9: Adam

👍: Dude can become a dog for you to pet and is quite honest in most cases. Plus those scars look neat wouldn’t you say?

👎: Unless you are a - former angel now fallen, a TV show host, have a broken halo, while simultaneously sharing a name with a pizza company and a game tile, then you ain’t getting nothing.

10: Domino

👍: I can see why so many are stricken by this fella, he’s quite cute, quirky, and has an adorable way of being blunt

👎: (Domi- No hoes) He’s just not good enough. He seems so ideal at face value but he berates angels to the moon and back and for what? His fault for his own downfall.

With all that said, clearly the hottest character of Monsters and Girls - for appearance AND character - is obviously….

POWERS

LITERALLY PERFECTION IN ITS PUREST FORM! CHISELED LIKE A GREEK GOD(DESS), ROSE TO BE AN ANGEL - REJECTING HER DEMONIC ORIGINS, FOLKS IT JUST DOESNT. GET. BETTER!

A Vote For Powers Is A Vote For Truth, Love, And Happiness!! Vote For Powers in the Home Stretch Now!

[yan-lorkai]

*rubs hands*

general headcannons for integra? what would her punishments and possible rewards be like?

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: I took my time with this because I wanted to be perfect so I hope you two like it, as much as I did writing. Honestly after watching the anime and halfway through the manga, I feel like we haven't seen much of her, my girl 100% deserved more screentime <\3

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warnings: romantic yandere, punishment mention, isolation, starvation, kidnapping.

☆ Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing is a serious woman and an imposing figure, she is intimidating and knows this fact very well. Even though she is focused on the work of the Hellsing corporation and has to deal with a lot, that doesn't mean there isn't room for someone in her heart. Even though most people can't capture her attention, you, on the other hand, somehow did. You crawled through the barriers of her heart and made a home there, you left her expose to your soft light and presence. And she loves it.

☆ A relationship with her is a slow thing, it's all about the normalcy of small moments. The first brushes of fingers, the first glances exchanged and the first smiles, the first laughs and jokes shared, she's a calm and collected individual, Integra handles most situations with a controlled ease but internally she gets really happy whenever your attention is on her. She loves you just right so it makes sense that she would also be the first to declare her feelings for you, that she would take your face in her hands and leave a light, chaste kiss on your lips as soon as you tell her your feelings are reciprocate. She can sleep well calling you hers.

☆ Honestly, you wouldn't notice that there is anything wrong with her behavior, sure she can be a little overprotective with you, have someone monitoring you and accompanying you when you go out and sure she is suspicious of your friends and colleagues. But this is justifiable, at least you think, as soon as she tells you how she was betrayed by her uncle, how she was chased and almost killed by him, and you and your good heart try to work with her so she could overcome this. Integra plays your game well but really she is just blinding you to any and all of her worst tendencies, pushing your boundaries very slowly till one day she can have you being dependent on her.

☆ You're a little too naive but she likes it to keep you this way. She likes to keep you away from ghouls, from Millennium, from all the danger. She can deal with it knowing you're safe and sound at the Hellsing estate. And there's no way she'll let you become a Hellsing Soldier, refusing vehemently because she can't imagine her life without you there and she wouldn't be able to live knowing you died because of her imprudence. And if you are one, you won't be for long. She's going to make you resign.

☆ Not too big on pda while she's in public, the maximum you get is her holding you hand or giving you a side hug but in private? You aren't getting out of her arms anytime soon, I can also see her as someone who expresses herself better through her words and actions, she loves doing things to you, she loves when you match clothes with her, when you let her do your hair, things like that. She likes the control but mostly she likes how you trust her enough to let her do this. And really she takes good care of you.

☆ Now... If you reject her, Integra's going to pretend everything's fine and that you can remain friends. She's not some girl who wears her heart on her sleeve or anything, it's not as if she gonna feel miserable and rethink everything before coming to terms with it. You may not feel something now but that doesn't mean you aren't gonna catch feelings later. So she remains optimistic.

☆ When your feelings remain the same, Integra losts. If you aren't loving her, she's gonna make you love her as she deserves. She already passed through hell and back, and she's going to have you.

☆ Punishment? She normally let's you locked in your room with no way to escape and no form of leisure. She likes to give you gifts but she take them away when you misbehave. The silence may make you think about your actions, if it don't you're more than welcome to count the tiles on the floor and name the art frames. You aren't getting out of that room until you're begging for forgiveness, she can let you stay there for a while, depraved of everything you love, even depriving you of food.

☆ Though if you're being too difficult she lets you spend a day with Alucard. A whole day working under Alucard and assisting him with whatever he needs. She knows him well enough, she know how scary and dangerous he is, and she knows you're terrified to be so close to someone who could rip your flesh from your bones anytime he wanted to. You're even more terrified of asking for his help because you're not sure if he would help you, only to be the first to hunt you down when Integra sends him to retrieve you. Though she only use this method as last resource, she really prefers to play mind tricks on you, to isolate you and rebuild you like she wants, to starve you and be your savior when she presents a feast for you. Don't force her hand, you wouldn't like it.

☆ When all is said and done, Integra cradles you in her arms and very sofly caress your face. All the suffering you passed and the punishment you endured ended so now she's going to take care of you, feed you, kiss your tears away, but you know deep down she feels happy with your surrender and begging.

[tetsunabouquet]

That Dress: Zero Kiryu x Reader

18+

A/N: I decided to start with Zero for this prompt! I will be writing Ichiru's after I worked through my next one-shot request!

Your heart was pounding on the dancefloor, the cape your friend had made for you as a gift earlier that year coming in quite handy considering the dress you were wearing. Like many a female student at Cross College, you had fallen for the forbidden fruit found in the class teaching history, Zero Kiryu. He evaded many of his female students, which is why it shocked you he honestly seemed to flirt with you sometimes. You could feel his lilac eyes undressing you whenever he came close to take your papers or give you back a report and you left each class breathless. Almost high on the thoughts of the upcoming school dance, your legs had carried you to a mysterious clothing store at the end of the town's neon lit center. The mysterious store owner an all-knowing look had quickly helped you find exactly the kind of dress you were looking for to seduce your teacher. A nice wine red, the back was entirely made out of very much see-through lace. With a matching red thong underneath it, you had decided to attend the dance that Zero would be supervising. With the cape being the only thing hiding your secret scandalous plans. You felt quite proud of your own devious little scheme. You decided to have fun for a while and stick a low profile, Zero was currently already swarmed with the female student body, rejecting their offers to dance one by one. You hoped you weren't a delusional fool like they were. He was looking especially fine tonight, dressed in a simple suit that had silvery roses adorn the sleeves. You cursed the girls but you had already figured you wouldn't have any opening to shoot your shot until the evening was about to end. When everyone was already dwindling, and nobody would notice you slipping away with your teacher. After hours of anticipation brewing in the air, slowly playing with your desires and making you soak with want, you finally had your chance. You approached him as he left the dance, "Kiryu-sensei!" He turnt around at the sound of your voice, and as his lilac eyes took you in you couldn't help but feel like his gaze was appreciative. "L/n-san, I'm surprised. I didn't noticed you attended." "You were much to busy huh?" You said with a giggle as you slowly led the way to the nearby empty janitor's closet, a knowing smile playing on Zero's lips as he knew exactly what you were up to. "Is that dress too cold for you?" Zero asked, his eyes on your cape but without a trace of concern. His eyes were dark with something else entirely. You giggled seductively and looked at him through your lashes. "No, not at all sir. If anthing this cape is getting a little too hot for me." Zero smirked as response. With a coy smiled you 'dropped' the cape down the empty hallway, posing for the door of the janitor with your behind as you said; "See? My back must be so sweaty." Zero hissed and grabbed the piece of cloth from the ground. "It's against protocol to walk around campus like this," came his dark, lustful voice and you shuddered at the hunger in his voice, the way his hands lingered as he wrapped the cape back around you. "I just wanted to surprise you sensei," you whispered breathlessly and honestly Zero felt done for. "You can consider me surprised, certainly. However, instead of trying to seduce me into the janitor's closet, you should have been asking me to invite you home instead. I want to look at that pretty sight in something better then a dinky old closet." He purred and honestly your arousal was already close to getting to a climax from his voice alone and the thought of fucking him on his bed. Your nipples were tingling with want. "Kiryu-sensei could you please take me to your home. I think my dress would look good on your bedroom floor." "You certainly bet it will." His arm wrapped around your shoulders in a secure manner as he led you to his car. "Would you be a good girl and jerk my cock as I drive?" Your breath hitched. "Certainly sir," you said with a smile as the two of you started a wonderful night in which he made you spill your juices all over his place as you took his seed like a good girl.

[silviakundera]

Ok, upon request my thoughts on Bad Buddy, a good queer romance drama that doesn't get much if any international exposure outside the circle of Thai BL fans. Full spoilers.

after consuming literally dozens of BB videos, the best trailer to the drama imo is actually the talented samyvids' "Just My Type" songvid. Perfectly captures the setup.

* the hook: 2 boys raised by their feuding families to be rivals end up attending a university that has a childish Jets vs Sharksesque historic rivalry between the science/engineering vs artistic/architecture majors. Despite these 2 barriers, the boys stumble into a secret bromance and then into love. Secondary couple here is f/f, though it's basically just soft girls meet cute then getting together (no conflict).

* Comedic and light-hearted drama that doesn't take itself too seriously, while also swerving into the appropriate amount of angst for its set up.

* This '20-something bros in love' dynamic reminds me vividly of what a lot of SPN J2 RPF and Hockey RPF has tried to capture. The 2 leads feel like your prototypical good natured university bros and falling in love never changes that. Friends AND Lovers is a challenging dynamic to capture imo but Bad Buddy succeeds

* It helps the Bros In Love vibes that the actors look less primped & polished than many other asian BL productions. They seem like guys you could have actually had in your classes in uni.

* If you welcome the drama's tone and just vibe with it, I think it successfully executes 4 popular romance tropes:

- rivals to friends to lovers

- forbidden (hidden) love

- fall first vs fall harder

- golden retriever bounding around paw cleaning cat

* If you are going to sell me on a modern day romeo & juliet esque queer rom-com, without the bloodshed, then you BETTER put your money where you mouth is and make their love actually forbidden.

* Thankfully, Bad Buddy understood the assignment. It's not just a misunderstanding. Their parents truly do have a feud and they truly are forbidden to even be friends, forget a romantic relationship. 2 kids obligated to be enemies since birth, bound by this twisted shared experience that no one else understands.

* Pran falling first, with enough time to comprehend how cruelly impossible they are. Pat falling late, fast, and hard - too impulsive to consider the consequences and wearing his heart on his sleeve.

* Both characters won me over quickly:  cautious & restrained Pran who likes order, chaotic Pat who craves his attention

* Love that the dramatic tension & hiding in all the early episodes isn't revealed to be pointless. If there was no consequence, then it removes the poignancy of its classic rooftop kiss scene. Prans' fears must be justified in order for the angst to stand up in a rewatch. Pran's friends DO reject him at first. Their parents DO refuse to accept the relationship, including his mom considering this a personal betrayal.

* Prans' fears are painfully rational and everything he is scared of does have to be confronted. But that also gives romantic weight to his decision to give in to the feelings and accept the consequences.

* In the way that scifi authors will try to explore sociopolitical topics through allusions & metaphor, and that Hunger Games author keeps writing dystopian YA whenever she gets heated about politics, Bad Buddy does a good job imo of using the feuding families setup to address the reality of existing in a homophobic and transphobic society while being queer -- demonstrating it in a way that straight cis people can relate to. And approaching from this angle allows the production to tell that story with a certain emotional distance for queer viewers who have experienced such struggles.

* The bittersweet ending sells me completely on this drama. Closeted but not. Open but not entirely. Accepting that you can't change the world and make all your family & friends & coworkers accept your truth... but refusing to abandon them OR your truth. It's a decision so many queer people have made over the years, in different countries and decades. And it's tinged with hope.

* Let's acknowledge that indeed there is tons of product placement in this series. Sometimes to hilarious ends. But frankly, without this sponsorship the series would not exist. So I'm very grateful to suffer through the marketing that helped fund it.

* Available streaming in multiple places, including YouTube.

[morsking]

What makes Aoi Toudou so perfect?

it's fitting that todo (and tsukumo, by extension) greets people by asking them what kind of person is their type, because i firmly believe that todo and tsukumo are absolutely gege's type and the role model jujutsu kaisen wants the reader to follow.

todo is candid and unapologetic, a man who proudly wears his heart on his sleeve and never hesitates to follow and prioritize his desires. sukuna refers to him as a true jujutsu sorcerer precisely because he embodies the guile, relentless fighting spirit, and camaraderie the cream of the crop of sorcery should possess even if sukuna doesn't really value or have a need for that third quality. and todo is all those things precisely because tsukumo, a maverick in the jujutsu world as eccentric but better self-actualized than gojo, was the first person to ask him what he truly wanted rather than define him by his strength, which is a trait that only bored and isolated him in his youth because everyone was an enemy before they were a person.

tsukumo's involvement in todo's formative years transformed him into a person who fundamentally wants to understand others and be understood as a way of paying forward the way tsukumo uplifted him by uplifting others who are lost and unfocused, like fushiguro and itadori. todo weeps for fushiguro and proceeds to kick his ass because todo found megumi's answer to "what kind of woman is your type?" shallow, dismissive, and disingenuous. and todo reads a shallow, dismissive, and disingenuous answer as a painful rejection to his sincere interest in fushiguro as a person. it's a thoughtful answer nobara and mai rightfully appreciate, but it's an answer that dodges the issue of fushiguro asking himself what he really wants in an effort to appear mature and more in control of himself than he really lets on.

so todo is hurt by the implication the question that saved him is childish and unimportant, and he is also overcome with pity towards fushiguro because fushiguro doesn't even care to know what he wants outside of being a sorcerer (more truthfully, what he wants outside of saving tsumiki). it bores todo, and for todo being boring is the worst thing that can happen to a person. furthermore, what todo absolutely loathes is a person who actively chooses to be boring. so todo resorts to forcing fushiguro into showing what kind of person he really is through a fight if a conversation is useless. that also extends to the higher ups of the jujutsu world, who are repulsively boring to todo because all they do is trample all over others to preserve their place in society rather than build something through understanding and self-discovery.

itadori is a different matter, because itadori's always been honest about everything and can not only give todo a straight answer to his question, but he touches todo's very soul by being a person who can resonate with todo at a fundamental level. todo latches on to itadori because he sees a rare like-minded individual who is a diamond in the rough. much like gojo uses gardening as a metaphor for raising sorcerers who can stand shoulder to shoulder with him to feel companionship, todo wants to polish itadori into the best version of himself through extreme pressure and unconditional encouragement to overcome that pressure. and that relationship is something that cannot be better represented than in itadori's last confrontation with mahito. it doesn't matter how hopeless the situation gets for yuji or how much death piles on around him, todo urges him to live because a person doesn't deserve to want to die alone depriving themselves of the chance to make it right not only to those who died but to themselves too. personal happiness is paramount to todo, which is why it's all the more important for a person like him to be in itadori's corner when he's facing off against a being like mahito who was born from and thrives in human misery.

"i want a happy life, and i want others to have it too" is such a powerful philosophy to uphold in a story about living, dying, and recognizing the essence of your life and death through others. todo is perfect because if grandpa itadori didn't want yuji to be like him, todo is the person yuji can aspire to be like instead. and given recent events in the manga, that's who he's become when he not only inspires fushiguro to reclaim his life and body from sukuna, but also when he shows sukuna, the source of all his pain and misery, that he too deserves a second chance to learn what it means to live connected to the people around him so he finds fulfillment outside of waiting for the next distraction from his boredom to appear.

i really think that jujutsu kaisen is a story about reaping what you sow not in a punitive sense, but in a karmic sense more in line with the buddhist themes of the story [i am an amateur about buddhist philosophy disclaimer here] if karma guides people to the truth then there's no truth more absolute than the bonds between people, because even those who seem alone like gojo and sukuna can only justify their existence as "the strong" because they have "the weak" to compare themselves to, and it says something that contrasting themselves against "the weak" forces "the strong" to notice their deficiencies. and that's why todo keeps proving to be the gift that keeps on giving. todo is plenty strong, but he has no interest in being the strongest. he has more interest in being somebody who knows what he's about and making sure others can do the same for themselves, and therefore when he clicks with someone it's a mutually beneficial and uplifting experience. "i am not alone." is understood as a reassuring and affirming feeling, and "you are not alone" is something really satisfying to assert to someone else. todo's confidence and charisma are so infectious you just can't help but love it when he's on the screen because you are watching your brother telling you it's gonna be alright with the beaming radiance of a superstar who's gonna have you put on your best show too and so long as you're together you're unstoppable no matter how dire things get.

and of course you can't forget he beat the crap out of a special grade curse with an idol insert song. only hakari, who is a similar type to todo, could top that by beating the crap out of an incarnated sorcerer with scenes out of a romance manga.

[down4denki]

Ask her, dunceface.

This is my first time writing a one-shot ever so please be brutal and hurt my feelings in the comments so I can get better! I love Denki sm and shy nervous Denki is one of my favorites. I didn't proofread this, it's honestly just stream of consciousness lol

CW: not much? maybe a little cussing, jealousy, a little lusty Denki but that's not new!

Just thinking about a nervous Denki when he finally works up the courage to ask you out. Sure he’s asked out almost every 1st year girl at UA��� but this is different. 

*****************

Denki has had a crush on you from the first time he saw your big, bright eyes glance over him when Mr. Aizawa introduced you as Class 1-A’s very own transfer student. He remembered the blush that painted your cheeks as you stated your name, sounding more like a song leaving your pouty pink lips than a real honorific; the way your hands wrung the sleeves of the oversized UA sweater that was definitely out of dress code to wear as large as you did; your too short skirt just peaking out of the hem of the green fleece monstrosity that was swallowing your little frame; the fresh, white Converse sneakers you’d styled perfectly with the ugly uniform- even your hair made these ugly digs seem appealing.

He gulped hard as his eyes raked your body over and over, taking advantage of the few seconds he’d been blessed with to ogle you, free of repercussions. 

**********************

Denki had asked many girls out before (and been turned down most of the time) but he’d never felt nervous like this. He had to work up the courage to ask if you needed a pencil for your test after you’d stared at the “pencil only” note written across the top of the page for 10 minutes, tapping a pen to your lips. 

“Oh… thank you. We were only allowed to use pens at my old school…” You say with a sweet smile, taking the new yellow pencil from his clammy hands. He doesn’t know what to say in the face of such beauty so he just nods and hopes his face doesn’t look too short-circuited right now. He makes a mental note to get that pencil back another day, hoping you’ll forget it’s his and tap it to your lips mindlessly too.

**********************

Denki had asked out so many girls before this, so why was sitting across from you at the lunch table trying to make small talk like an Olympic sport? Kirishima noted the little charm hanging from your bag, “Hey, is that from that one Anime?” You lit up at the question and began spewing about your love of the manga, but you didn’t become a reader until you’d watched this one anime…

“Her character is just so confident and powerful… I couldn’t help but obsess over her!” You giggle and his heart explodes.

He knows that manga… he’d jerked it to the main character a couple of times, hey you kind of look like her… He only says the second part out loud thankfully, which earns him another giggle and a bright smile.

“You think so? I always loved her hair so I tried copying the style…” You beam, running your fingers through your hair and scrunching up your cute little nose. Speaking of noses, is his bleeding? He feels lightheaded but he doesn’t dare take his eyes away from you as you go on and on about the show. “ You’ve only ever read the manga? We should watch the show together, I’ve been wanting to do a rewatch.” You conclude and all he can do is nod stupidly.

***********************

Denki had gotten used to rejection, so why did his entire body sweat profusely and his heart sink at the thought of you turning him down when he asks if you want to be a part of his team for quirk training? Your quirks were compatible, so why not? When you agree, he has a hard time not shocking everyone on the training floor to death. 

**********************

Denki was used to being the crusher and not the crush, so why does his entire world stop turning when Bakugo welcomes you to the training team with open arms and flirty, heavy-lidded eyes? And why does time stand still when you give Bakugo the same sweet smile you’d previously reserved for him?

He didn’t even think to ask Bakugo if adding you to the squad was ok, but when Bakugo lets it slide so easily he feels suspicion creep in. You’d talked to other people, you’d made friends these past few months, so was it wrong for you to have become close with the yappy blonde boy? Was it wrong for that yappy blonde boy to flash smiles reserved for very few people every time you did something cute? Was it wrong for that yappy blonde boy to watch your movements the same way Denki did? 

You bend over, hoisting a human-weight dummy over your shoulder before crossing the obstacle course first and Bakugo’s hand moves to his nose… is it bleeding? Is Denki’s heart this loud to anyone else right now? Is the room turning red? Can anyone else feel how hot his blood is boiling as you turn and smile back at the stupidly handsome, talented, blonde, yappy piece of shit boy ogling you in only the way Denki should? Did he wait too long?

*********************

Denki had asked out so many girls he could probably play the alphabet game with just the rejections he’d gotten his first year at UA alone, so why is he so terrified as he walks next to you down the school hall to your next class like he always does? Because there's a question weighing heavy on his mind. Just ask her, dunceface...

He was not going to let Bakugo beat him to asking you first, even if he was turned down. He was determined to get the words out so when he stops you, hands on your shoulders, sparks coming off his shaking frame, eyes wide and full of nerves, and the question practically falls from his mouth, he’s not expecting much. To his surprise, you don’t laugh, you don’t turn away, you don’t gut punch him and rip his heart out with your manicured nails… you smile sweetly and release a breathy huff like you’d been holding your breath for this exact question for months.

“I would love to be your date to the dance, Denki…” You beam and he has to release your shoulders, for fear of crushing them, or electrocuting you, or crying tears of joy… “I was hoping you’d ask me.”

[angelsdean]

hi!! i've spent the better part of my morning browsing through some of your tags, and i just wanted to tell you how much i enjoy you posting about young dean / queer dean and how it makes me so genuinely happy to read your thoughts on the matter (that i generally completely agree with btw). dean being well aware of his sexuality from the start is one of the most important aspects of the show for me at the moment.

i don't want to write a whole poem in your inbox but i am having so many Thoughts! my personal interpretation is that dean had already pretty much come to terms with his sexuality pre stanford era, and was actively and deliberately seeking dudes in his late teens (esp when he was away from sam and john and maybe had a chance to feel more free and unrestrained). i completely understand why people look at him and think '🫵 repressed' (i did too) but to me its so much more interesting and compelling and it adds so much more to his character to imagine him growing into his queer identity so comfortably (i love to think that, despite eveything, there was a part of himself that he didn't completely hate or reject, does this make sense?). also as you said, being repressed is def not the only reason why a person might have to suppress/not be loud about their sexuality. we don't talk about this nearly enough!! i NEED to read headcanons and fics and metas and see art about young queer dean!

hi Mila! oh wow thank you so much 💖 young queer Dean is so important to me too!

I love Stanford Era so much because it's really this time where I see Dean being at his most free, but also most lonely. And I think he's trying to make connections, and trying new things, and really getting to be. And I also love the idea of teen Dean carving out these pockets for himself too, when John is away, or when Dean gets sent away :( :( :(

I think Dean started figuring out pretty early on that he was "different." I wrote this little fic a while back exploring some aspects of Dean's gender + sexuality throughout the years, I haven't revisited it in a while and I feel like some of my thoughts may have changed but it's still a really special fic to me.

Lately, I've also been working on another little fic set during the summer Dean is 14. He and Sam are staying at Bobby's and while the fic is centered around something else, there are small moments where we see Dean's budding awareness of his sexuality. (There's a cute boy at a produce stand and a hot lifeguard at the community pool and lots of magazine clippings of Harrison Ford and Patrick Swayze---he just wants to be like them, ok!) And it's like he's aware but he also can't really look at those feelings directly yet. (Also the art you made recently of young Dean "figuring it out" is so near and dear to my heart!!)

Then I have two Stanford Era time-travel WIPs (hiiii Cas!) And oh boy. This guy is SO GONE on Cas from the jump! And that's what I love so much about Stanford Era Dean (or well, my Stanford Era Dean), is that he's just in such a free point in his life, and so open to new experiences. He's not freaking out abt his immediate attraction and infatuation with Cas. In fact, where Older Dean (our Dean) is more...restrained, perhaps, in his feelings (not that he doesn't express them! i am team dean + his big feelings) but just that my personal interpretation re: the dean + his feelings for Cas timeline has him thinking / convincing himself that Cas doesn't feel the same way for him in the later seasons. So this Older Dean has kind of just, accepted that fact. And is trying not to wear his heart on his sleeve so much (and not really succeeding at all). But Stanford Era Dean? Oh no no no. He is a little shit stirrer and a smitten kitten and is both immediately clocking the situationship-and-mututal-feelings happening between Dean and Cas (it's so obvious to everyone on the outside looking in) AND he's actively flirting with Cas and just lighting up under any and all attention from him (because he's also so so lonely. and touch-starved. and craving affection).

Anyways, all this to say, I am always here to talk abt young queer Dean / Stanford Era Dean !!! I'd love to hear more of your headcanons too💞

[crmsnmth]

That Old Dysphoric Waltz

Some days I hate my teeth I somehow become aware they're in my mouth and I can't stop running my tongue along the edges learning the mountain range of molars And they begin to hurt Because a look in the mirror says they are far to close togethor Clumped into one big coffee stained clump I want to pull them out Tie each one off with fishing line and finding someone to slam the door. Dentures seem like a great idea, but I don't have dental on state funded healthcare I can feel my gums throb from the toothbrush Sometimes spitting more blood then not into the sink clockwise down the drain

Some days I hate the clothes I wear I hate the way they sit on my body, folding over, sleeves riding up, I can feel the tag and I scratch at them and readjust spending far too much time fixing the clothes I have chosen to wear I want to burn them all and start over in a whole new style one that isn't monochrome and something a high school metal kid would wear Looking like I never learned how to grow up Without horror movie shirts and black jeans bandannas and scarves Still a teen with an aged body

Some days I hate the very skin I'm in Seeing all it's flaws and tears and scars Hating the contours made by sharp edges and spikes Despising the ink I thought so hard about before I committed it to flesh I get sickened by seeing the emancipated skin that's tight over visible bones and muscles that are much too small to provide any use Just the strings to an out of tune guitar With a bent neck, so the screws can't be fixed At least not with knowledge I have of such things So I'll just ignore each ache and pain I feel Until they go away, abandonment by ligaments Fingers much too long for praying Eyes half tilted and far away I never look as if I'm paying attention not that I am

Some days I hate the gender that I am the mirror lies to us every chance it gets I hate the shape of my body not seeing the movements felt staying behind doors, learning how to hide any fact like this we just don't talk about unless it's made in jest and in hate So keep your mouth shut and hate in silence Ridicule is avoided by anyone with heart And the confusion only makes things worth Hating your friends because they unknowingly hate part of you It's a pretty messed up way to go about your day Smile and wave, pretend the joke is just a joke And that secretly, everyone around isn't laughing anymore And the joke eventually becomes fear becomes isolation becomes alienation becomes annihilation Small town words spread like a fire in a dry pine forest

Some days I hate my brain Not making any sense And making thoughts that have no view The awkward panic and fear of rejection the need for abandonment and depression Living with chemicals rebuilt from time capsules from 1948 and whatever sedative we can find It's better than gray clothing and frosted glass I never really like a trilogy anyway And I've been on this hate before Letting the conflict of my right vs left battle Figure out what we're going to do today Fatty deposit of electricity That is constantly working to constantly Sabotage and end itself with bad ideas and even worse impulse control I couldn't tell you how to do better

Most days I love everything I am Everything I've stood for Everything I've done Even if I die right now, I have on hell of a story to share And I'll gladly whisper it to the worms Eternity won't be bad speaking to decay Death will wave his hand along my being And I'll talk his fucking ear off about all of my memories I love the face I wear, coffee stained teeth in all And every morning after a shower, I pick my favorite shirts and my comfortable jeans, proud of the hockey mask graphic I see my body and I'm happy it's still here, after all it's been And I see my gender right where it should be, even if the feelings towards my so-called friends don't But that just means my mind has morals and principles And is able to think through complex thought Finding logic and thought and emotion all ripping through it It's downright amazing to think about. It's okay to have bad days It gets better. It will always get better.

[kasaneteto]

thoughts about honesty & lying and my relationship with these concepts before intake a power nap because i only got 4 hours of sleep thanks to daylight savings

i didn’t really realize until this year just how deeply ingrained in me the urge to lie is. i will just say fucking whatever if its what i think the conversation needs. (or i should say i used to. ive been really making an effort to not say ANYTHING that i dont mean and its fucking hard but its getting easier fs) this is a bit of a double edged sword because like, i AM very good at talking to people and being friendly & this skill definitely stems from the years and years of people pleasing, but at the same time i have to really hold myself accountable if i want to be impeccable with my word, because the natural instinct to tell a lie is SO strong.

my parents would punish me for honesty so i very quickly learned it was better to lie and not get yelled at (which didnt even always work lol) and as a result have had to learn how to be honest with even myself. it was SO deeply ingrained that when a truth was difficult or painful i would just lie to myself instead of facing the music. ive gotten a lot better about being honest with myself about my feelings, my recent breakup helped me realize that i still had a lot of work to do in that respect and ive been doing a lot of introspection about it. but what im really struggling with is the impulse to say things that i think will help the conversation flow even if they arent true, and in my effort to NOT do this i seem to have become… too honest? i dunno. ive always hated fakeness and niceties of that kind so sometimes I’ll say something in response thats super honest but like….i did not need to say that.

despite my honesty making people uncomfortable at times i feel way better about myself this way. i feel like a toddler sometimes with how much i wear my heart on my sleeve these days but it feels good to know that hey at least im being genuine yknow? like what you see is what you get with me. im not exactly an open book but im not gonna pretend to be someone im not just for your sake. like ive been doing that my whole life and STILL got rejected by people left and right so like. who cares. i’ll just be myself and be honest and forthcoming and not worry about what other people think of me. because the people who like me and want to spend time with me will stick around. and if im being myself and people dont like that, WHO CARES!!!!! get well soon bitch because im fucking awesome. it feels good to say that and truly believe it.

anyways. tl;dr if we’re friends theres a good chance that one day i will say something to you and then immediately say “that wasnt true im sorry idk why i said that” because it has been happening often LOLLLL

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Thank You For the Venom (My Chemical Romance)

You'll never make me leave, I wear this on my sleeve/You wanna follow something, give me a better cause to lead/Just give me what I need, give me a reason to believe/So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills/And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill/You're running after something that you'll never kill/If this is what you want, then fire at will

"It just goes fucking hard! And it feels SO broadly applicable to martyred and maligned leaders. It's about burnout and rage and wanting to fight FOR something but struggling to find purpose beyond that fight. It's about nevertheless placing yourself in harm's way because SOMEONE has to."

Morbid Obsessions (We Are The Union)

She wanted a dress/Like all the other girls, a head full of curls/They said son you can't always get/What you want in this world/Let go of these morbid obsessions/Every thought feels like a confession/She said, she said, she said If I get one life, gonna do what I want

"i literally cry every time i listen to it because it’s a song written by a trans woman abt her experiences and just. living as a trans person, it’s so painfully relatable, like a lot of it is abt being rejected by ppl who were once close to you before you came out and also being rejected by society for just trying to live your life the way that makes you happy i’m literally crying just reading the lyrics to put in submissions, oh my god also the music video is so fucking good and. this band is so fucking good and. i’m just very emotional abt the shared trans experience and how much we go through just to try and love ourselves when nobody else wants us to be able to for some stupid fucking reason like brb i have to blow my nose i’m literally a mess over this song"

[sabishi-tomo]

From the AnS Ask post: 9, 15, 20! Pretty please! 😍

Of course 💖! Thanks for the ask. You really have a discerning eye, you picked some of the harder questions to answer 😳. Full list here.

9. Character with the best redemption arc

Ok so I really love Raji's redemption arc, especially how it came out of left field. I was pleasantly surprised by how he got so much time dedicated to his developing friendship with Shirayuki.

Hisame's one is my personal favorite though, even though it's more subtle (he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like Raji does and his motivations were more mysterious). He really won my heart by the way he helped Kiki, Zen, and Mitsuhide out in the Bergatt arc, and by how he's constantly watching out for Kiki. I love how he never lost his snark though, lol.

15. Your NOTP

I think Mitsuhide and Kiki work better as friends than as a romantic couple, especially given Mitsuhide's words about not wanting a romantic relationship (I headcanon him as aroace). I feel like a romantic match wouldn't be good for either of them, given their differing wants, needs, and life goals. I know MitsuKiki was pretty popular before the rejection arc and generally I am into the friends to lovers arc, but I didn't really sense any romantic chemistry between them.

I don't usually mention this since I don't want to alienate fans of any particular pairing. If you like them romantically I respect that, and you'll never get any hate from me.

20. Your controversial take

I don't know if this is particularly controversial but I feel like it wasn't necessary to separate the main cast for as long as they've been separated (~80 chapters at this point? even though they come together from time to time). I see why it was necessary for Shirayuki's growth as a pharmacist and Izana's machinations, but I feel like other alternatives were possible? Fingers crossed that that part of the manga is over now 🫠.

[phoebe-delia]

which friends character do you relate to most?

Hey nonnie! What a delight for my inbox. Surprise asks like this make me so happy lol.

Ah, "friends," the first-ever fandom in which I was an active participant. I have such nostalgia for the series and for the fandom itself. I learned so much about engaging with strangers on the internet, how to use social media, and making edits on my phone (a skill that has been invaluable to me ever since, truly).

But I digress; that is not what you asked about, dearest anon. I apologize in advance because this answer is a bit long; I fully understand if you don't want to read all this, but your question got me thinking a lot.

I feel a kinship with Phoebe (ironic, I know, but my username actually has little to do with Phoebe Buffay and everything to do with Greek Mythology, but that's another story). Though I feel she gets kind of mean in later seasons, in ways that aren't very funny to me. Some of it is 90s/00s humor that wouldn't be acceptable today, and some of it is just teasing that my sensitive heart feels is going too far.

That said, I relate to her willingness to do anything for her friends, her fierce loyalty, her sense of justice and fairness, and her drive to create as a means of finding her place in the world.

I also, to some extent, can relate to her rudeness, despite my dislike of it. I have certainly had moments when I've taken a joke too far or said something I later regretted. I'd like to think that these moments of mine are more sporadic than Phoebe's are portrayed on the show (and, of course, I understand this is a sitcom and she's telling jokes which are meant to be comedic and nothing deeper than that. Plus the other characters have all said things to similar effect.)

As a child, I wanted so badly to be Rachel or Monica. But in the end, I think I'm the most like Phoebe. She taught me to have a level of confidence I don't see as much in any of the other characters. I could be wrong, but to my memory, Phoebe doesn't ever—once—change herself to suit someone else. In fact, she is perhaps the only character who never tries to alter herself, her personality, or her interests to get someone else's approval. She's authentic. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She does exactly what she wants, makes herself vulnerable to rejection, and does everything wholeheartedly and without shame or apology.

I feel I've done the same, in terms of largely sticking to my interests, but I used to be so insecure about it. I want to be more like Phoebe, and I'd like to think I get better at that with each day.

What about you, anon? Love to hear your own answer. Thanks so much for this!

[spyridonya]

13, 25, and 49 for the ask game!

Describe your character's typical wardrobe for the regular day.

Kadira has five outfits that she rotates, which is far more than most during that era. Her spring dress, which she wore when she woke up at Defenders Heart to reclaim Drezen, has a cream blouse and billowing, bottle green asymmetrical skirt. Embarrassed with such little support, she borrowed a tavern corset from the back to give her back a break as she navigated the streets and later peaks of Drezen.

Her winter outfit is a soft green kirtle with a built in corset that gives her support her back and breasts need, and under that she wears a long pale yellow smock-dress with brass sleeve garters to keep her hands uncovered. She wears this after Drezen is captured and it's made of warm wool and far better for exploring the Northern Worldwound. She wears it until after he returns to Drezen and Golarion before going back to a more well made version of the 'spring dress'.

During her time in Drezen, though, she rotates with long, woolen dresses of dark green, dark blue, and cream. These are informal work clothes and while I haven't drawn them, they're the most typical of her clothing when it's a work day. All of them are one piece and they're finely made, with bone ribbing for support. When working with ink, she'll toss on a smock to make sure ink doesn't get on her work dresses nor her adventuring outfits on the day she feels like putting them on.

What are some things they find difficult to do? Or say?

Kadira finds it difficult to say she cares about someone. If she doesn't say it, nothing happens, nothing is real. It's still trapped in her mind. When this person she cares about goes away, because they likely will because everyone has regardless if they wanted to or not, it will hurt less. That's her working theory about telling people she cares about them. There's also being embarrassed that she reads something all wrong and doesn't want to humiliate herself by assuming friendships or anything more, because she's so very awkward and missed out on so much socialization during her Abyssal Homeschooling.

What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational?

That she will die at the end of the Crusade. As soon as it was announced, this feeling of dread settled upon her shoulders and she simply believed she was being a pessimist and kept this feeling to herself. Even when asked by others what her biggest fear was, she'd go with her other two more rational fears, 'abandonment' and 'rejection' because everyone feels that way sometimes and everyone can ultimately understand. No one is going to get 'if we win, I'm going to die'. And this eats her and nearly drives her insane.

Of course, these are lingering memories of reading Areelu's private journals. She only read that someone whose soul is bound to the wound has to die in order to close it. And when she read that? She made a conscious choice that she would do that. I think her memory would have been changed if Kadira continued to read, finding out that Areelu never intended to close the Worldwound and make Kadira a goddess, but likely not. Becoming a goddess at the cost of her people's lives, culture, and history wasn't something she could ever do.

[medical-angel]

I've been thinking about the western vs Japanese cultural context surrounding yamikawaii/menhera and listen, I know I'm new, I know I'm a baby kawaii or whatever the fuck and I'm probably not saying anything that hasn't already been said a million times by every western yami kawaii blog ever.

Yamikawaii in Japan originated as a radical rejection of the stigma around mental illness. It also became a way to cope, take joy, wear your heart on your sleeve, maybe even be 'proud'in some way--more in the disability pride kinda pride as opposed to the lgbt pride kinda pride.

And whilst talking about mental health isn't as taboo in America, there is still VERY MUCH a taboo around mental ILLNESS. I have psychosis, autism, complex ptsd, I'm a DID system. (I'm forgetting something.) I KNOW firsthand and several times over what it is like for people to try to use tools like therapy and mental health care to brute force a neurotypicality out of me that I just can't do.

In America, it's more like people are pro mental HEALTH, not pro mental ILLNESS. If you're not mentally healthy, you're expected to work work work until you're an acceptable level of "just a lil sad sometimes" or "disabled, but adorable and sweet" instead of like. People meeting you where you are when you can't get better.

This is WHY everyone on this goddamn site says "stop making suicide jokes." (By extention, yamikawaii was heavily criticized for flippant imagery. That's also why I avoided it for a long time; it just felt like, in a WESTERN context, it was feeding into something bad.) Stop doing ANYTHING that will feed into your self harm. But like. In extreme, possibly rare, situations, that's not enough. (Not even going into the "address the societal systems that MAKE us all so miserable" angle because you're right, you're right, but I'm talking abt self care only rn.) Making me STOP making suicide jokes, making me stop self harming, making me sanitize how I speak about myself and my life just so I don't say or do anything "unacceptable" is NOT helping me overcome my mental issues. It's just making me feel repressed and more pent up so when I finally DO snap and release, it's worse than ever.

I promised myself that if I was ever assaulted again, I would fucking kill myself. So I'm finding a way to do that but also not to die through this aesthetic. By disguising self care as suicidality and self harm and whatever I need it to be, I find that it's much easier to keep on living. I'm tricking my brain in a way.

I feel like using yamikawaii to treat suicidal thoughts is kind of like using electroconvulsive therapy for severe depression. It should NOT be your first go to, it's even ill advised in most cases for obvious reasons. But if the case is so severe that it is all that can be done to treat the issue, then by all means.

[boba-beom]

i also recently had a bit of a guy drama😅 i started hanging out with this one guy and his friends last summer and this one guy in particular would text me a lot, ask how my day went, ask if i had any plans and also flirt. as i got to know him more, i started having a crush on him and his friends would tease him a lot around me and call him a simp for me💀 and he also indirectly said he likes me. fast forward, i ask him out, we meet and he asks if it's gonna be just us and i tell him "if i wanted to have everyone else here i'd have asked the group, no?". he laughs and then we start walking. i sense that he feels a bit awkward, but try not to think too much of it. we're walking and talking, it's going great. i grab his arm a few times, he gets flustered and starts spluttering his words, i'm like okayyy👀 then as we're heading back home he asks me if i like someone, i admit that it's him and then he's like if it's me you shouldn't like me💀 because i like another girl (his best friend). and i was so chill about the whole thing, i was like okay then no problem and he kept asking me multiple times if i was okay and trynna see my face like sir do you expect me to cry for you💀 if you don't like me back, you don't, it's not something i can control, therefore not something i'll let upset me. it did upset me a bit, because it felt like he was just playing the whole time💀 but what can you do.

anyways, i went out a few more times with him and his group, but he was always so awkward with me, the first time he kept avoiding me and then the second he was walking on eggshells, so with the summer vacation coming up, i just drifted away from them all.

and then TWO DAYS AGO, in the middle of the night, he texts me and asks how i'm doing and apologizes me for texting out of nowhere and that he recently finished his reaearch💀 yeah, i just archived the chat and don't really plan on responding.

had to make a seperate post bc it was too long for the other one haha

- 🍓

PLS I FELT THAT like I know rejection sucks but I'm not gonna go cry about it y'know? I'm glad you were able to tell him straight though bc it's so true. we can't control how we feel majority of the time and like kang taehyun said, the chances of your crush liking you back are very slim LMAO speak the truth king 🗣🗣

honestly speaking, you're so much better than I am LMAO I'd still be a little hung up on the thought that there was a possibility just because I'm one of those who wears their heart on their sleeve 😭 but I'd still accept the fact that it isn't mutual. sometimes it is difficult to figure guys out. I always wonder what goes through guys' heads when they like someone but I guess we'll never know,, I've never asked my guy friends ngl but I haven't seen them since uni started and I miss them :<

also wondering, are you okay with endearing terms and what are your pronouns just so I am aware! lately I've picked up the terms, 'girl/girly' and 'miss ma'am' a lot from my flatmate and I've realised I've been using it subconsciously too. if you're uncomfortable with anything just let me know!