leeisawkward

[leeisawkward]

The past is furious at me.

It swarms in my head in colonies of what could have been.

I can't keep looking at them.

If only I had met her. A regret.

Then I'd be so happy,

A perfect, perfect life.

It wouldn't have gone that way though, or at least I have no way of knowing.

She would have a sister.

I would lose my mom.

He wouldn't have stayed.

I'd just be alone.

But I guess I would have her.

But that's not fair.

And I'd be looking at this life the same way.

Grass is always greener after all.

If only I let her go. A regret.

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Why don't you understand that I don't hate you?

I love you. Of course.

That's the problem after all.

I love you.

But I detest you.

And I appall you.

And I regret you.

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You're serving time on a silver platter.

Satisfaction handed to me with the same ease that you once took it.

[leeisawkward]

I told someone about you today.

It affects me everyday.

I'm a shell of who I was before this.

I'm a shell that once held you.

I don't regret it but I still feel pain.

Is that regret? The pain?

But I'd make the same choice again.

Feel this way again.

The other choice would've been pain too.

I guess I had no choice.

Do we ever?

Free will.

I guess I still have that.

I told someone about you today.

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If it was autumn i would simply open all the windows in my house and light a cinnamon candle in every room and snuggle up with a cup of hot chai on the couch with my cat and a thick blanket

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What if i slit my throat?

Paper wrists to stay afloat.

What if I lost my mind?

A book without its bind.

I write red ink on my mistakes,

But I’ve taken too many takes,

Of this film that keeps on rolling,

Like a ball that’s meant for bowling.

Falling over like the pins,

Losing grip of all of my limbs.

But there is no puppeteer,

I just wish I wasn’t here.

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I think people often underestimate the potential educational value of senseless memes. For example, thanks to Spiders Georg, literally every teenager on Tumblr has a reasonable grasp of what a statistical outlier is and the sorts of problems that outliers can introduce into a naïve analysis. There are grown adults who don’t get that - I deal with them on a daily basis.

[leeisawkward]

SHE’S AN AAAAAAANTEATER MAKE YOU WORK HARD MAKE YOU SPEND HARD MAKE YOU WANT ALL OF HER LOVE