#it feels like i am talking to a wall every time

[homesick4la]

complicated — hamzahthefantastic

2. with you all night

contains: 18+ content mdni! nsfw at all lol smut and a bit of fluff towards the end!

summary: your night gets much more interesting when you decide to go back to your ex’s apartment.

a/n: this starts exactly where the last part ended!

part one: pushing it down and praying

reentering the main room, you quickly find matthew still talking with his friends, completely oblivious. you force a smile and touch his arm lightly, “hey, i really don’t feel good— think i’m gonna head home and go to bed.”

his brows furrow, believing your act. “did you want me to give you a ride home?”

“no, no! i’ll just get an uber! i don’t want to take you away from your friends.” you give him a reassuring smile.

he nods, “alright, well text me when you get home.” he says before giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

with that, you make your way through the crowd once again. your heart racing as you grow closer to the front door.

you worry that hamzah has already left as you finally open the door. but there he was, leaning against a wall with his hands shoved in his pockets.

it was much darker outside, the empty street only illuminated by a few warm toned street lights.

“figured you’d ditch me.” he says, his tone teasing.

“thought about it.” you reply, smirking as you begin walking down the sidewalk.

he quickly falls into step beside you, so close that you can feel your hands brush every so often.

the tension crackles between the two of you, the quiet night air only heightening it.

“so, does ‘new guy’ know you’ve got terrible taste in music?” hamzah teases, tilting his head to the side, glancing over at you.

you roll your eyes, “he doesn’t have terrible taste- he actually listens to my playlists without skipping every other song”, you shoot back, unable to hide the grin on your face.

“ouch!” he presses a hand to his chest dramatically, “hey! i let you play your music in my car. that’s love, you know.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “yeah, well that is because you wouldn’t know good music if it hit you in the face.”

he chuckles, leaning in a little closer, “i knew a good thing when i saw it,” he says softly, allowing his words to linger in the crisp night air.

you roll your eyes, scoffing. “that line might work on your other hook-ups, but i know you too well for that.”

he grins, lifting his hands in a pretend surrender.

“alright, alright. so maybe i am laying it on thick. but you can’t blame me— you show up looking like that and expect me to just…behave?”

“mm maybe that was my plan all along, to see if you’ve learned to control yourself.”

he laughs lowly, shaking his head to himself. “you’re dangerous, you know that?”

“dangerous?”, you chuckle. “that’s rich coming from you.”

you’re almost at his building now, and the banter has done absolutely nothing to kill the tension between you. once you reach his door, he turns to you, eyes flickering over your face.

“you’ve still got time to change your mind.” he whispers, his tone sounding almost daring.

you sigh, “actually, i’m just here because i wanted to see if you’re apartment is still as messy as i remember.”

he chuckles as he unlocks the door, “guess you gotta come in then.”

as you walk inside, your heart is racing. after you hear the door click shut behind you, you feel his hands pull at your waist, turning you around so you’re face-to-face. he walks you backwards until your back meets the cold surface of the front door.

“seriously, y/n, you’re sure about this?” he questions, his dark eyes staring into yours.

all of your doubts has melted away with the warmth of his touch. you wanted him bad. you were sure about that.

“i’m a hundred-percent sure, hamzah.”

in half a second, his lips are connecting with yours. kissing you with an urgency that sent shivers down your body. his hands settle to your hips, pressing your body against the door as he quickly deepens the kiss, almost as if he was making up for lost time.

the familiarity of his warmth, his scent, the pressure of his body against yours— it’s all so undeniably comfortable and intoxicating. you felt like a missing piece of yourself was put back in place.

you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. his lips place slow kisses along your jaw to your neck as his hands steadily hold you in place.

you close your eyes, allowing yourself to indulge in the sensation.

he pulls away, resting his forehead to yours. “i don’t want to mess this up.” he says breathlessly.

you cradle his face between your hands, “then don’t.” you smile.

that’s all he needs to hear before he presses a quick kiss to your lips and slipping his hand into yours, leading you down the familiar hallway to bedroom.

he glances back at you every so often, making sure that you were real behind him— that this was all really happening.

as you reach his bedroom, the dim light of the hallway spills in. the air of the dark room is thick with anticipation.

he closes the door softly behind you. his gaze then meets yours- his eyes are filled with a certain longing, a certain hunger.

he walks towards you, his hands landing on your hips as he pulls you into another kiss. it’s heated. sloppy. urgent. his fingers press into the skin of your hips as if he simply can’t get enough of you.

he lifts you effortlessly by the hips, causing you to instinctively wrap your legs around him as he carries you to his bed.

he sits at the edge of the bed, holding you down in his lap. his lips crash into yours, his hands slipping under your shirt, wondering aimlessly upon your skin.

you pull away from the kiss and tug at the hem of his t-shirt. hamzah assists you in pulling it off and once it is off, you waste no time running your hands along his biceps, forearms, shoulders, peppering kisses along his jaw.

his head tilts back, “god, i’ve missed you.” he mutters breathlessly.

you lift your head, looking into his eyes, “you never stopped thinking about me, huh?” you tease.

“not for a fucking second.” he replies, a devilish smile plastered on his face as he begins pulling your shirt off of you.

he disregards your shirt, throwing it to the floor.

“lie down for me.” he demands, his voice soft. “wanna see all of you.”

you climb off of his lap, lying down in the middle of his bed. he promptly pulls your skirt down your legs, your underwear coming down with it. you feel vulnerable as you lie completely naked with him watching over you.

however your insecurities dissipate as he whispers, “you’re killing me, y/n. you’re so fucking beautiful and you don’t even know it.”

he gets rid of his jeans, his erection more prominent through just his boxers. he sits down beside you, back flat against his headboard. “c’mere”, he says, motioning you to his lap once again.

the second you straddle him, his mouth finds your nipple, sucking it into his mouth. his fingers splay against your back as you shamelessly rock your hips against his covered erection.

“lift up real quick”, he says patting one of your hips as he gives you the instructions.

you do as he says, going onto your knees.

he leaves a quick kiss to your ribcage before smoothly moving down the mattress, not stopping until his head was perfectly positioned between your thighs.

“sit, baby.” he says. as his hands go to your hips, guiding you to his face. you let out a sharp gasp as your heat reaches his mouth- his tongue instantly working against you.

“fuck, hamzah.” you cry out, your hands flying to the headboard in front of you, desperate to grip onto something.

he hums against you, continuing to eat you out in a way that left you seeing stars. he was absolutely starved for you. prideful, satisfied groans leaving the back of his throat each time you whimpered or moaned incoherent words.

his tongue pushes in and out of you, drags across your folds and circles your clit before sucking on the bundle of nerves.

you let out a loud cry as your pleasure reaches its peak. the orgasm especially intense as you hadn’t had one in a while- matthew’s focus was always on his own pleasure rather than yours.

hamzah’s fingers trace your lower back as you catch your breath. after a moment, he helps you lie back down on the bed beside him.

he hovers over you, “you need a second?”

you shake your head as you smirk, reaching your arms upward and linking your fingers at the nape of his neck. “nope, want you right now.”

he smiles excitedly. “arms above your head.”

you listen to him and watch as he reaches to his nightstand, grabbing his belt that laid on top of it.

“you trust me?” he questions. you nod eagerly.

“use your words, baby. are you okay with this?”

“yes, i want it hamzah.” you reply.

he took your wrists in one of his hands and brought them to the metal bar of his headboard. you felt your heart beat faster as he finished looping your wrists to the bar, restricting your movement.

he bends down, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. then he starts kissing down your jaw, to your neck, your collarbone, between your breasts. you’re almost certain he’s leaving marks as he goes but it feels way too good for you to care.

he gets up for a second, removing his boxers. you bite your lower lip at the sight of his hard erection.

he climbs back over you, positioning one arm on the side of you while he stroke himself with the other.

he begins slowly running his cock up and down through your folds, a feeling that leaves you whimpering and arching your back.

“you’re such a tease.” you whine, causing him to give you a cocky grin as he pushes his erection inside of you.

you moan at the stretch of him inside of you, a pleasurable pain.

a load groan leaves his throat as soon as he’s fully inside of you, his head tilting back and his eyes shutting at the feeling of your warmth around him.

“fuck, you feel so good.” he says, slowly thrusting in and out of you.

all you can do is nod in agreement as your chest rises and falls rapidly, overwhelmed with pleasure.

as he increases his pace, he reaches under your right leg- throwing it over his shoulder so he can push even deeper inside.

your body is completely at his mercy and it turns you on more than you could ever imagine.

your lips part open in pleasure, a moan of his name escaping them every so often. his thrusts get rougher, leaving you feel as if you were literally floating.

gradually, you feel orgasm build once again, feeling even more intense than the last.

“i’m so close, hamzah.” you cry.

“i know, baby, let it all out.” he replies, keeping up his quick pace.

as you hit your peak, you arch your back more than you thought possible, making up for the lack of being able to grip onto anything with your hands. you whimper his name, repeating it as if it was a fucking prayer.

hamzah reaches his high with you, groaning loudly as you feel his warm release inside of you. the feeling was absolutely euphoric. how did you ever last that long without him?

after he pulls out of you, he reaches to the headboard- releasing your wrists from the restraint. then he plops down next to you on the bed, the both of you lying on your backs trying to catch your breaths after your highs.

after a few seconds, you break the silence.

“holy shit, hamzah.” you exclaim, still out of breath from the intensity of your orgasm.

he chuckles, “you gonna admit that you missed me now?” he teases.

“you’re an idiot.” you laugh.

“of course i missed you.” you continue, turning your head towards him.

he grins, putting his arm around you and kissing your temple.

you two lay there for a few minutes, soaking in the silence of the night, feeling comfortable in the dim lighting of his bedroom.

you reach for your phone on the ground, picking it up to check the time. 1:26 am.

“fuck- it’s late. i guess i should go.” you say, shimmying out of his hold and putting your underwear back on.

“just stay the night— i mean, if you want to. you can use my shower and borrow some clothes.” he suggests, seeming a bit nervous.

you consider it, thinking about how the longer you stay, the more painful it’s gonna feel when it’s all over.

but you are tired. and getting an uber at this time would be difficult so it made the most sense to stay, right?

if you were being honest with yourself, you really just wanted to stay a little longer in the place you felt was your second home for so long.

“you sure? i don’t want to intrude.” you look at him.

“you’re not intruding at all, y/n.” he responds quietly.

he throws on his boxers and leads you to the bathroom, grabbing you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers on the way.

he turns on the water for you as soon as the two of you enter the bathroom, letting the water warm up. he leaves the folded up clothes on the counter and pulls out a spare toothbrush from under his bathroom sink.

“alright- there’s a new toothbrush and all my skincare stuff is still in this drawer if you want to use it any of it, uh- need anything else?” he says, turning back around to you.

“no, this is good, thank you.” you smile softly.

he goes to leave, and then you stop him.

“hamzah, wait.” as nervous you are to ask, you simply crave more of his presence. “will you stay and shower with me?” you question, your voice quiet.

he nods. without a word he walks towards you, helping you take off you underwear. his touch soft and gentle.

after removing his boxers, he guides you into the shower. the two of you engulfed in the steam of the shower, facing one another.

you wash each other’s hair, a constant stream of smiles and giggles coming from both of you. there was such a sweet innocence to the moment. you felt as if you were in your own little world, just you and hamzah.

you completely let yourself forget that you were ex’s, that you were dating matthew, that this was gonna completely change things moving forward.

you just let yourself enjoy what was happening.

you two complete your night routines together. cracking jokes as you bump elbows in the small bathroom.

after, you curl up in his bed. the familiar scent of his sheets and the warmth of hamzah’s body next to yours bringing you immense comfort as you drift off into sleep.

…

you wake up to the soft morning light filtering through sheer curtains. looking to your side, you find blue curled up next to you. at the end of the bed, red lies sprawled out with his belly up.

“you two haven’t changed at all.” you laugh, reaching down to pet red.

at that moment, hamzah walks into the room carrying a tray with two coffees and a brown paper bag.

“hey sleepy girl. the cats already fighting over you?”

you laugh at his question, “they missed me.” you smile as blue crawls into your lap.

he hands you a coffee and pulls out a bagel from the paper bag.

“iced vanilla latte with oat milk. extra ice. everything bagel. extra cream cheese.” he recites proudly, waiting for your reaction.

“show off.” you tease, taking a bite of the bagel before thanking him.

you two sit on the bed, eating your bagels while playing with the cuddly kittens next to you.

you feel as if the two of you have slipped right back into routine, as if no time had ever passed at all.

but the truth was time had passed. and you two had ended things for a reason. and now, things were about to get even more complicated.

a/n: i never know when to stop lol hope u guys enjoyed it!!!!! k bye muah

[allaboutnayeli]

BREAK DOWN YOUR WALLS, OPEN UP YOUR HEART / lia wälti x reader

ah, ah, oh let my love adorn you, baby don't you ever don't you let nobody tell you different, baby i'll always adore you you gotta know now you got to know, know, know

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀━ adorn, miguel

summary: you never felt like you belonged until lia came along.

contains: shy!reader, mentions of loneliness, low self-esteem, and isolation, oblivious lesbians, katie being a menace, time-line is slightly messy

author notes: wrote this for my girls who have felt like they are in the background their entire life and wish someone would notice them 🩷 it's okay, i see you because i am you.

you know those people that can light up a room just by walking into it? the ones who command attention just from their presence alone?

well, you aren't one of those people.

instead, you're the type that walks in and slowly blends into the wall. the one who awkwardly looks around, listening in on everyone's vibe. trying to see where you can squeeze in (it always ends up being nowhere, by the way).

that's just how you been since nearly forever. you remember family members and teachers commenting on how you were so quiet, they would forget you were in the room with them sometimes. was it a compliment or a foreshadowing of a trait that would turn into a flaw? who knows, you were six.

it's not that you don't want to put yourself out there. you do, but it's just so hard. it seems like everyone else has it figured out, and you're the only odd one out. everything about you has always been standoffish and anxious. a mind that's desperately trying to disguise itself as normal.

you just didn't fit in. that was obviously your place in life whether you liked it or not.

the only place you ever fitted in at was football. not amongst the likes of the locker room but out on the pitch. you knew exactly what to do with a ball between your feet like there was language between just you and the ball. that's why you made the sport your everything, putting your all into it even when others would question why you were so passionate. they wouldn't understand; they fit alongside the other puzzle pieces of society while you were an outside piece that was meant for a different puzzle. one that involves a ball, a net, and a pitch.

still the moment you stepped a foot off that pitch, your puzzle would fall apart.

that's just how it is.

that's why your expectations when you transferred to arsenal were pretty low. coming from tottenham, where all the other women were lovely but you weren't ever really apart of the circle outside of football, you expected things to go the same way at the red and white club.

and at first, it did. your first week went pretty well. got introduced to everyone, made small steps towards being apart of the team chemistry on the field, and even talked a bit in the locker room. however, overall, you stayed to yourself. the first to arrive at the locker room and the first to leave. keeping your cubby spot pretty much spotless because you didn't want to take up much space.

it's not the rest of the arsenal girls didn't try to include you, but everytime you saw a text in the groupchat about making plans or heard everyone talking about doing something outside of the practice grounds, you shyed away from it. feeling too out of place to join in. why even go if you were just going to sit there and be silent watching everyone else like some creep? more like some loser. you didn't think anyone noticed your absentness from every outing that wasn't mandated as a team bonding activity. nobody has that much interest in me anyways, so there is no point of going you thought to yourself when the loneliness really got to you.

expect someone did take interest. it just seems like you were so into your own head about your awkwardness and being outside of the group that you didn't notice the looks from one of your teammates.

"feels like i rarely see you even though we play on the same team," the sweet voice of lia rings in your ears as you sit out near the bonfire. this is your first time hanging out with the team outside of practice and matches, a mandated team bonding hangout at leah's. while everyone else was in the house enjoying the warmth of the heating, you were outside in your coat. sipping on your coffee with tons of sugar and cream in the england fall weather. why? you just needed some air was your excuse, and no, you didn't need anyone to come sit out there with you is what you said when kim asked. in reality, your mind couldn't take sitting on the couch beside everyone while they talk like they have known eachother since forever even though they basically have, and you're the only one out of the loop. your own fault for not coming out with everyone else more, you guess.

you shrug with a shy smile, "yeah.. i don't talk much, so that's probably why." it feels self insulting to say that, but it's true.

lia smiles before taking a seat next to you. she scoots over until your thighs touch. her eyes glance at you with a questioning look, is this okay? they say.

you respond with a smile back, not moving away from the contact. how could you feel uncomfortable when lia is looking at you with those eyes that feel carved out of a renaissance era painting and that smile that would even blind angels.

were you attracted to lia? maybe a little. she's pretty and from a far you have seen her personality shine so well when she's joking with everyone else in the locker room. you couldn't help yourself.

"nope, that's not it," lia takes a sip of her own coffee, "viv didn't talk a crazy amount, but she still was apart of us. you act like you don't want to be around us."

oh, okay. her words surprise you. it wasn't like you were ever rude or actually turned down an invitation to hang, you just didn't go. acting like you barely read the groupchat and didn't hear the girls talking about plans. you never thought anyone noticed you not being there anyways.

caught in your own thoughts, you stay silent for longer than you meant to. lia takes your silence for offense and immediately starts to apologize, "not that you aren't a great teammate or anything. you're amazing! just wish we could see you out of those kits more."

oh.

oh, shit. she wants to see you more outside of football. not just lia, but the whole team.. maybe? that's what implied, right?

"i want to see you guys outside of football, too. it's just.." you struggle to find the words to say. not that you didn't know why things were this way, you did, it's just.. you don't want to sound like a loser.

lia licks her lips, probably due to the cold, before saying, "i get it. i know how hard it is to fit into a new team. took me a while to get comfortable here, too, especially with all the big personalities." the brunette gives you a warm smile, one that you return. the two of you sip at your coffees at the same time. somehow, you're already synced. foreshadowing? perhaps.

she knows. lia knows how you feel in a way. these feelings you hold aren't just your own, and that's comforting.

"...yeah. i'm just a little scared, you know? it just feels weird to try to talk with everyone else. i never know what to say," you explain softly. it feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders as you speak the words into the cool air.

lia makes this cute frown expression that makes you flush slightly; maybe it's the cold. she's really cute. why haven't you been paying more attention before?

"i was excited when i heard you were signing with us. you know, i been a fan of your play for a while now. we even played against eachother once at the international level.. i don't know if you remember that, though," lia looks slightly bashful. that makes your heart flutter because you have never seen lia shy before. just her comfortable presence amongst the others. she looks at you, fluttering her eyelashes all pretty when she notices that you're looking intently at her. she continues on, "and everyone else were excited too! still are. basically, what i'm saying is we want to get to know you. don't shy away from us. i swear we don't bite."

lia winks at you before standing up, giving you a nice pat on the shoulder.

"my coffee is nearly empty and it is way too cold to be out here. come inside when you're ready? no rush, of course. it's just i know beth probably pulled everyone into doing some games and i wouldn't want you to miss you. we all wouldn't want you to miss out" and with that she leaves, going back into leah's flat.

your heart is pounding as you take in everything that just happened. everyone on the team wants you around, lia wants you around. you didn't realize how badly you needed to hear that until now. your soul use to be fine with going throughout the world without a solid place to call home, but now maybe arsenal might be that spot to anchor down to.

lia left you feeling warmer than the bonfire a few meters away from you.

i might as well you think to yourself before getting up and going inside of the flat. your coffee is nearly gone anyways.

slowly, but surely you are pulled into the arsenal circle. it started out with lia inviting you out for brunch with leah, beth, and vic who brought along laura. arriving at the cute little shop, your heart was pounding in your chest. the sound blocking out everything else going on. why did your walk feel so awkward as you approached the table? god, you're so weird. why did you even come?

that's how you felt at first until lia smiles at you. she gestures for you to come sit next to her, and you happily do. everyone greets you as well. it feels so nice to be included.

"hey guys," you say softly. of course, you overthink those words. wondering if you should have said something more interesting. seems like no one else thinks the same as they immediately pull you into the conversation.

the rest of brunch goes really well. you don't talk a crazy amount, but you are definitely apart of the conversation. the best part was when during the middle of brunch when lia patted your thigh, making sure you were doing alright. for just a moment, you two just looked at eachother, exchanging words with just eyes alone.

is this okay?

better than okay.

apparently, time flies when you're having fun because brunch is over before you know it. saying goodbye to everyone doesn't feel like you're exiting a room that never wanted you there. you don't leave feeling empty and embarrassed. instead, you leave feeling fulfilled from a good time had.

you even get a few hugs before everyone drives away. everyone expect lia. she stays near your car, leaning against the metal. the brunette smiles at you warmly when you come closer, having just said goodbye to vic who's gone now.

"i carpooled with leah here and told her i would carpool with you on the way back. i wanted to check up on you without everyone else around. is that okay?" the care and slight nervousness in her voice makes you want to hug her. would that be weird?

you don't dwell on the thought. replying to her with, "more than okay. i'm so.. happy right now. that went better than i thought it would."

"told you. we want you around," lia chuckles, playfully giving your hand a soft pinch when you come close enough. the contact has your cheeks flushing, but you ignore that. grabbing her hand fully.

"yeah, yeah.. i know now. thanks for showing me." you pull her over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for her. unfortunately, you have to let her hand go to allow her to get in the car, but it's all good when you see the smile lia flashes you. of course you flash her a smile back before shutting the door and going around the car.

as you reach the drivers seat, you think over what just happened. when did you get so comfortable with lia to just grab her hand? when did you two get so close she could pinch yours? and who are you to open the door for her? when did you get so bold?

lia is definitely bringing a different side out of you.

you reach lia's flat in twenty minutes that feel even shorter than that because you and lia were singing along to beyonce the entire way.

she unbuckles her seat belt but doesn't get out of the car. licking her lip before looking at you with a soft look.

"this was nice. i hope we can do this more often," lia's hands go to play with one of the pockets on her cargo pants.

thinking she's referring to the brunch, you nod with a smile, "totally. i didn't realize going out with others could feel so.. good."

lia's own smile widens. feeling happy and pretty satisfied with herself that she helped you reach this point even though it's just a small step.

one small step for you is the key to a great future where you're apart of something. a future that you deserve.

"yeah, that's great and i'm so glad you came out with us but that's not what i meant."

oh. you give her a look of confusion, your heart pounding slightly at her tone.

lia gives your a look of confusion a giggle in return. "what i meant was.. it was nice getting some alone time with you. screaming beyonce at the top of our lungs was fun! and i hope we can hang out more. just the two of us."

before you can respond, she gets out of the car. giving you a soft smile after she shuts the door.

"see you tomorrow," lia says.

still processing what she said two seconds ago, you spit out a simple, "see you!"

your mind is still hazy as you watch her walk up to her flat and enter it. only then, at the sound of her screen door shutting, do you snap out of your mind and drive off.

that day was the start of something special.

lia and you started getting closer. you started getting closer to everyone on the team, something you never thought would happen.

coffee with leah, dinner with caitlin, shopping trip with lotte. you were slipping into the puzzle that was arsenal instead of slipping through the cracks like you always do. having close friends was a change, but a nice one. when something exciting happened to you, there were actually people to tell. when you were bored out of your mind, there were people to ask to come over. when you had gotten sick with a cold, you could ask someone to come over, and there were people beside your parents, who actually cared to know if you were feeling any better. all this was attention was so new, but very much welcome.

especially attention from lia who hasn't stopped keeping you close since that bonfire hangout at leah's. after the brunch, you two have just gotten closer. way closer than you are to the others. tons of hangouts, getting eachother coffee before practice, carpooling to team hangouts, calling, and texting all the time. you even noticed her giving you some looks in the locker room sometimes. that never bothered you since.. you were taking a few looks at her, too.

lia was really becoming your person, and everyone else could see it from a mile away. the rest of the arsenal girls never said anything about it, not wanting to push you back into the shell you had just come out of.

everyone but katie mccabe.

the irish woman has been making subtle jokes about lia and you since she noticed the obvious tension between you two. you mostly ignored them, not even believing lia looked at you in that way. you may have gained alot of confidence by putting yourself out there more with lia's help, but some insecurity still hangs around for old times sakes.

you never saw any truth in those jokes until a match made all the pieces fall together in your mind.

the moment happens during a london derby. the score is currently a draw of 0 to 0. both teams are equally frustrated. the adrenaline in your system is on a high as the minutes pass by. the match is nearly over, and you refuse to allow arsenal to leave this pitch without at least one goal. you see your chance when frida passes you the ball, and you're off. sliding your way through chelsea's defense until there is just one obstacle left, zećira. there's a split second where her eyes move from the ball to you and that second is your chance to aim straight for the right side of the net.

more than half of the crowd erupts into cheers as the ball goes flying past zećira, hitting the back of the net. you can't even think about the cheers as someone jumps onto you with full force. immediately you know it is lia just from scent alone. her flowery perfume is a staple in your mind alongside a list of lil trinkets about the swiss woman. lia's face finds it's home right in your neck, her arms around your shoulders and legs around your waist. you would have a bigger reaction to the feeling of lia clinging to you like a koala, but there's no time as everyone else joins on the hug. shouting at the top of their lungs about the

the moment is soon over as you all have to get back to the game, but you carry that happiness from the goal with you even after the match ends. the minutes run out and the match ends in favor of arsenal; all thanks to you, by the way. that's what everyone keeps reminding you of as you change in the locker room. playfully you joke back (something you never thought you would do with your teammates) that it was just a lucky shot, nothing crazy. everyone pushes back against of course with lia being the loudest about her disagreement.

then of course, katie has to come in with a joke about how lia was a little too happy.

"is lia going to reap the benefits of this win when you two get to your place or what?" she says with a teasing smile on her lips.

the implication makes you turn away from everyone else and hide at your cubby, acting like your shirt was the most interesting piece of clothing you ever seen.

lia, fed up and slightly afraid katie's jokes are going too far, hits back with, "and if i was? what do you have to say about it?"

of course, her tone is light. it's a joke you want to remind yourself, but your mind and godforsaken feelings run with that sentence. it feels like there is something more underneath the playfulness. you should know, lia has pressed her way into every aspect of your life for three months now.

ever stubborn katie doesn't back down as she says, "i would say i'm not surprised. everyone knows you like each other."

lia and the rest of the locker room goes silent at that. it feels like all the blood in your body just rushed to your head as you take in what katie just said, no joking, all seriousness.

there is slightly awkward tension left in the room as everyone goes back to changing and joking around about other things not lia and you related. usually awkwardness would make you slightly anxious and overthink, but you can't overthink about the tension when you're already overthinking your relationship with lia right now.

have your feelings been that obvious? and how could you be so oblivious to lia's? in your mind there has always been this small hope that lia would return your feelings, but your insecurity pushed that hope away. lia was one of the first people to push you out of your comfort zone. one of the first to show that they care to have you around and don't care about any of your awkward tendencies. you refuse to lose that connection because of your dumb feelings. that's what you always told you to stop yourself from making any kind of move, but maybe those thoughts were incorrect.

maybe, just maybe, katie was just saying shit to push people's buttons and lia really liked you.

best time to find out is the present.

everyone soon clears out of the locker room, heading off to their ways home. of course, on this day of all days, lia and you carpooled. this night with either end great or horrible, depending on how this all goes.

leaving out of the building, you're holding both lia's and your bags. it's a habit you have fallen into ever since you two started carpooling so much. it's nice.

reaching lia's car, she unlocks the doors. opening one of the backseat doors to let you put the bags in the car before walking around to the passenger side and opening the door. that darling smile on her lips as she uses her hand to gesture you to come on.

"you act like i never done this for you before," she giggles when you make your way around the car. giving her a look before getting in the car. buckling your seatbelt while she shuts the door and goes around the car to get in on the driver's side.

"still surprises me when you do," you say when she gets in the car. she doesn't say anything back right away, but you can see the smile on her lips as she buckles her seatbelt and makes sure everything is set before pulling out of the parking spot.

"i don't know why. i like doing things for you.. i like being with you," lia says so calmly like those words don't send your heart rate through the roof. with the way your heart is now pounding, lia probably hears it from across the console.

you don't hesitate to say, "i like being with you too."

lia doesn't expect that from you, obviously as you notice her eyes slightly widen. she steals a quick glance at you before her eyes go back to looking at the road.

the brunette is slightly panicking in her head. she has had a crush on you since you started getting close and may have been attracted to you even before that. you returning her feelings wasn't the first thought in her mind when yall became basically besties. so yeah, she didn't really expect you to return her feelings or be bold like that.

when the car stops at a red light, lia looks at you.

"you know.." her eyes move from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes, "katie wasn't wrong. i like you."

she turns back to the road, continuing to drive. how can she just casually drive after throwing those words at you?

you don't stay silent like past you would. lia just confirmed she likes you. why would you miss that opportunity?

"i like you too and honestly i have for a while-" you don't get too far with your confession as lia cuts you off with a laugh.

"wait a minute, please. i might crash the car if you continue," she looks at you then back at the road. trying to focus on the fact you are confessing to her and the shitty drivers of london was a hard task, so yeah, unfortunately, she has to cut you off. for now.

you let out of a laugh of your own. nodding in understanding, your hands going to connect your phone to the car bluetooth.

beyonce blasts through the speakers seconds later.

lia parks in front of your apartment building. she turns off the car before turning to look at you. her hands reach across the console to grab yours, her thumbs rubbing soft circles on the skin there.

um, has it always been hot in here?

"so..." she maintains eye contact as she smiles at you, "what were you saying again?"

how does she expect you to confess when she's looking at you all pretty like that? the words feel like they are caught in your throat. you break eye contact to look around the car nervously, your tongue peeking out of the side of your mouth to lick at your lips.

lia can't stand for that, so she lets go one of your hands so she can use that free hand to cup your cheek. gently, but firmly, she guides your face to look at her.

"don't go shy on me now. what were you saying earlier? you like me and have for a while..?"

"i think i have liked you since the day at leah's. i was feeling so down, and you just came.. lighting up everything. after that day, i thought you would leave me alone. that it was a one-time thing, but no, you kept inviting me places and talking to me. it was all so new, but felt so right. i really like you, lia," you blurt out, blinking at lia, trying to see her reaction.

lia doesn't even give you a response. words wouldn't express how happy she is about this, so she doesn't use words. she comes close and kisses you. she catches you off guard, so your eyes are open, and you don't kiss back right away, but you eventually you do. your free hand going to grip on her wrist.

out of everything that has ever happened in your life, this feels the most right. just like how football was your savior in life, and there was a language between the ball and you. it's now a language between lia's lips and yours. she's been your savior for the past few months.

unfortunately, humans need air to breathe, so lia is the first to pull away. she doesn't go too far, one of her hands still holding onto yours and the other still cupping the side of your face. you don't let go of her wrist either. you shift your face slightly so you can kiss the palm of her hand before smiling at her.

a small silence falls between you two as you guys look at eachother.

lia speaks first, "can i take you tomorrow?"

there's only one answer to her question, "of course."

author notes: not grammar checked or anything but i wanted to post smt after disappearing for a while 😚❤️ this is lowkey bad quality.. i'll come out with better soon!

© ALLABOUTNAYELI

[buckets-and-trees]

Red, White & True: Houston [3/?]

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers x curvy Millennial Female!Reader Word Count: 3.4k Summary: Things are shifting in just the ten days since realigning the campaign strategy to keep you and Steve on the trail together and to sharpen some of the policies and messaging. You're starting to hit a new stride as you make a stop in Houston, and the city also affords you a unique opportunity to meet with a former President and First Lady.

Content/Warnings: marriage of political convenience, slow burn, brief political discussion of climate change

Notes: This takes place in a post-Endgame scenario where Steve stays and generally most of TFATWS happened.

POLITICAL NOTES: It's been a big week with the 2024 election. This story - while a romance - revolves around a presidential campaign, and so there will be political policy incorporated, but I am not inviting political discourse. If you don't agree in regards to anything in the brief section climate change policy, that is okay but I do not want to hear about it.

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[SEPTEMBER 17 - Houston]

The Houston heat hits you like a wall as you step off the campaign bus, the air thick and heavy with humidity. You blink against the bright Texas sun, grateful for the large sunglasses shielding your eyes. The crowd gathered outside the community center is already substantial, a sea of red, white, and blue signs waving in the afternoon heat.

Steve steps off the bus behind you, and you feel his presence at your back, solid and reassuring. You turn to him, offering a smile that's part genuine, part for the cameras you know are capturing your every move. He returns it, his hand coming to rest lightly on the small of your back - a gesture that's become second nature for public appearances, yet still sends a confusing whoosh through your stomach each time. But you push through and ignore it as you both wave to the cheering crowd.

"Ready?" he asks, leaning in close enough so you can hear over all the noise.

You nod, taking a deep breath. "Let's do this."

The two of you make your way along the line of the crowd, shaking hands and exchanging greetings as you go. You've gotten better at this part over the months - the constant smiling, the brief but warm interactions, the way to make each person feel seen and heard in just a few seconds. Steve, of course, is a natural at it, his charisma and sincerity shining through with every handshake and small bit of conversation.

As you near the entrance to the community center, you spot a group of young people holding signs about climate change and renewable energy. Your eyes meet Steve's, and you see the same thought reflected there - these are exactly the voters you've been trying to reach.

Without missing a beat, you veer slightly off course, heading towards the group. Steve follows your lead, and you can practically feel the collective intake of breath from your security detail.

"Hi there," you say warmly as you approach. "Thank you, we’re so glad you came out today.”

"Thank you for being here," Steve adds, his voice warm and genuine. "I see you're passionate about climate change. That's something I care deeply about, too."

A young woman with curly hair and bright eyes steps forward. "We appreciate that, but we've heard a lot of politician talk before. What specific actions will you take to address the climate crisis if elected?"

You exchange a quick glance with Steve, impressed by the young woman's directness. This is exactly the kind of engagement you've been hoping for.

"That's an excellent question," you begin, "and I'm glad you're asking it. Steve has developed a comprehensive plan to tackle climate change, including immediate steps he'll take in the first 100 days."

Steve nods, picking up where you left off. "We're committed to a systemic overhaul of energy sources and infrastructure along with transitions and expansion for public transportation. We know that infrastructure is an opportunity - not only to address climate change, but to transform the economy by creating job opportunities as we build and transition away from coal, gas, and oil. It will also address the severe need to update existing power grids that are failing.

"But it's not just about policy and output right now," Steve continues, his voice passionate. "It's about creating a sustainable future for your generation and those that follow instead of just talking about it. But as we talk, we want to work with young leaders like yourselves to make sure your voices are heard in shaping these policies - you’ll be living with them longer than the rest of us."

You watch as the young woman's expression shifts from skepticism to cautious interest. "And how exactly do you plan to do that?" she asks.

"Well, for starters, we're here listening to you right now," you say with a smile. "But Steve plans to create a Youth Climate Council that will have direct input on policy decisions. We want to bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the table."

Steve nods in agreement. "And we're not just talking about advisory roles. We want to create pathways for young people to enter public service and take on leadership positions in environmental agencies."

The group exchanges glances, clearly impressed by the specifics and taking Steve more seriously for not brushing them off or placating them quickly in a picket line.

Steve presses further, "What specific actions do you think are most critical? What solutions have you seen proposed that resonate with you?"

The young woman looks slightly taken aback, clearly not expecting to be asked for her input. But she recovers quickly. "Well, you mentioned it, but we need to transition away from fossil fuels much faster than current plans allow. The movement for offshore wind farms should be accelerated - especially on the East Coast. And we need to protect vulnerable communities who will be hit hardest by climate change."

Steve nods encouragingly. "Those are excellent points. In fact, environmental justice is a key component of our climate plan. We're proposing initiatives to ensure clean air and water in all communities, especially those that have historically borne the brunt of pollution."

Another young man in the group speaks up. "What about jobs? My dad works in the oil industry. He's worried about losing his livelihood if we move too quickly on clean energy."

Steve turns to him, his expression thoughtful. "That's a valid concern, and it's one we take very seriously. We're not looking to leave anyone behind in this transition. Our plan includes a comprehensive job retraining program for workers in fossil fuel industries. We want to create new opportunities in clean energy sectors, so people like your dad can be part of building a sustainable future without sacrificing their livelihoods."

You nod, adding, "We're looking at ways to incentivize companies to retool their existing facilities for clean energy production. It's not just about creating new jobs, but also about transforming existing ones."

The young man seems to consider this, nodding slowly. "That sounds... promising. I'd like to learn more about that."

Sophia and Bucky begin to press in, signaling that you need to move along to get into the actual event.

"We're limited for time here, but we’d be eager to discuss more details," you say, reaching into your bag and pulling out a business card. "Here's my contact information. Please reach out soon, I mean it.”

You and Steve then get ushered inside, hand in hand.

Later that night, you get a rare opportunity, and one you’ve been excited but also nervous for since it landed on your schedule the week before.

Former President and First Lady Matt and Helen Santos have invited you to their Houston home for dinner and drinks. It’s not a public appearance, so that takes some of the pressure off, but you're still acutely aware of the significance of this meeting. The Santos administration remains widely regarded as one of the most successful in recent history, and their endorsement - even an implicit one - could be a game-changer for the campaign.

Beyond that it's a chance to learn from a couple who've been through the crucible of a presidential campaign and life in the White House.

Helen Santos greets you at the door, her warm smile immediately putting you at ease. "Come in! We're so glad you could make it," she says, ushering you inside.

The interior of the home is tastefully decorated, a blend of modern and traditional styles that feels both impressive and comfortable. You spot several family photos on the walls, reminders that despite their status, the Santos family is just that - a family.

Matt Santos appears from what you assume is the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "Welcome, you two," he says, shaking Steve's hand and giving you a brief hug. "I hope you’re hungry! It’s humble, but I’m putting the finishing touches on my chili."

“Don’t let him fool you,” Helen says, “he’s anything but humble about it.”

“Sorry, did I forget to mention the recipe won a blue ribbon before I got into politics? Because it did, so it wasn’t a biased award,” he clarifies.

You all laugh, and the warmth and welcome these two generate in those first few minutes is remarkable, and something that truly soothes your heart in ways you didn’t know you were hungry for.

As you settle into the Santos' comfortable living room, Helen offers drinks. You accept a glass of wine, grateful for something to occupy your hands. Steve opts for water, ever the responsible candidate.

"So," Matt says, leaning back in his armchair, "how's the campaign trail treating you? I remember those days - exhilarating and exhausting in equal measure."

Steve nods, a wry smile on his face. "That's an apt description. It's been... intense. But rewarding."

"And how are you two holding up as a couple?" Helen asks, her eyes kind but perceptive. "The campaign trail can be brutal, especially on a relationship."

You glance at Steve, unsure how to answer. Your relationship is still mostly for show, but you've grown closer over the past few weeks. Before you can formulate a response, Steve speaks up.

"It's been an adjustment," he says diplomatically. "But we're figuring it out."

Matt nods knowingly. "Helen and I had been married for years before we ran, and it was still a challenge. I can't imagine doing it as newlyweds."

You smile, trying to hide your discomfort. "It's certainly been a unique experience," you say, opting for honesty. "We're learning a lot about each other very quickly."

Helen leans forward, her expression sympathetic. "I'm sure it's overwhelming at times. The scrutiny, the constant demands on your time and energy. It can be a lot to handle, especially when you're still getting to know each other."

You nod, feeling a wave of relief at her understanding. "It is overwhelming," you admit. "But it's exciting, in its own way. We're building something together, not just as a couple but for the country."

Steve reaches over and takes your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. The gesture surprises you, but you try not to let it show. "She's been incredible," he says, his voice warm. "I couldn't ask for a better partner in this.”

Helen regards you both, her expression warm but serious. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, pulling out my First Lady moment already, but I've been watching you two. Not just tonight, but throughout the campaign. There's something there, between you. A spark, a connection. Don't lose that in all the craziness of the campaign."

You feel your cheeks flush slightly, caught off guard by Helen's perceptiveness. You wonder if she’s speaking in general or if she suspects yours is a politically arranged marriage. You glance at Steve, who looks equally surprised.

Matt chimes in, "Helen's right. The campaign is important, but at the end of the day, it's your relationship that will sustain you through the challenges ahead. Trust me, if you make it to the White House, you'll need each other more than ever."

Steve nods, his expression thoughtful. "We appreciate the advice. It's not easy to find that balance."

You squeeze Steve's hand, grateful for his honesty. "We're working on it," you add softly.

He pulls your hand casually into his lap and envelops it in both of his. You can't help but feel a small thrill at the contact, the very normal expression of intimacy that speaks of a more comfortable and normal connection, and you love the way his large hands hold yours. This feels like something that could be real, on more days than this.

Helen smiles warmly. "That's all anyone can ask. Now, who's ready for some of Matt's famous chili?"

As you move to the dining room, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. The Santos' warmth and wisdom have touched something deep within you, reminding you of the very real human element at the heart of this political whirlwind.

Over dinner, the conversation flows easily, touching on everything from campaign strategies to favorite books. You find yourself relaxing, laughing at Matt's stories from his time in office and Helen's witty comebacks.

As the evening winds down, Helen pulls you aside while the men are engrossed in a discussion about foreign policy.

"Can I give you some advice?" Helen asks softly, her eyes kind but serious.

You nod eagerly, grateful to glean even more guidance from someone who's walked this path before.

Helen takes a deep breath. "The hardest part of being First Lady isn't the public scrutiny or the demanding schedule. It's maintaining your sense of self in the midst of it all. Don't lose yourself in the role, in the campaign, or even in your marriage. Remember who you are and what you bring to the table."

You feel a lump form in your throat, touched by Helen's words and the understanding behind them. "Thank you," you manage to say. "I... I'm trying to find that balance."

Helen smiles warmly. "I can see that. And from what I've observed, you're doing a remarkable job. But it's a constant effort, believe me."

You nod, absorbing her words. "How did you do it? Maintain your identity while supporting him and taking on such a public role?"

Helen's eyes grow distant for a moment, as if recalling a memory. "It was hard," she admits. "There were times I felt lost, like I was just an extension of Matt's presidency rather than my own person. I learned to carve out spaces for myself - my own initiatives, my own passions. And most importantly, I made sure Matt and I had time just for us, away from the politics and the pressures."

You feel a pang in your chest at her words. You and Steve barely have time alone, let alone time to just be yourselves without the weight of the campaign.

Helen smiles warmly. "This journey you're on - whether or not he gets elected - it's meant to be shared."

You nod, feeling a mix of gratitude and uncertainty. "Sometimes I feel like I'm still getting to know him, even as we're presenting this united front to the world."

Helen's expression softens with understanding. "That's not uncommon, especially given your unique circumstances. But I see the way he looks at you when you're not watching. There's admiration there, and something deeper. A lot of people in this country get married, but not every married couple has that for each other, and even some of the ones who do don’t realize the treasure they have. Don't be afraid to explore it. Grow it together."

Your heart skips a beat at her words. Could she be right? You think back to the conversation you overheard back in that hotel conference room in Cleveland, Steve's hesitation, his fear of letting you in. But also his words of praise, the gentle touches that have become more frequent lately. Could there be more there than just a political partnership?

Before you can respond, the men rejoin you, Steve taking his place beside you, and his hand comes to rest gently on your lower back. "Ready to head out?" he asks softly. "We've got an early start tomorrow."

You nod, and the four of you initiate your goodbyes.

“Thank you," you say, turning back to Helen, hoping she understands the depth of your gratitude. "For everything."

She pulls you into a warm hug. "Any time," she says. "And I mean that. Call me if you ever need to talk, about anything."

You and Steve finish your goodbyes and make your way to the waiting car. The evening has given you much to think about, not just about the campaign, but about your relationship with Steve.

The car ride back to the hotel is quiet, both of you lost in your own thoughts, but you realize it’s a comfortable silence.

Arriving at that night’s hotel, the silence lingers all the way until you enter the elevator, Steve turns to you, his expression thoughtful. "That was enlightening," he says softly.

You nod, feeling a mix of emotions - gratitude for the Santos' wisdom, hope for what could be, and a lingering uncertainty about where you and Steve stand. "They're incredible people," you reply. "So generous with their time and wisdom."

Steve hums in agreement. The elevator doors open, and you two head down the hallway to your suites, right across the hall from each other.

Normally, this is where you'd say goodnight and go your separate ways - Steve to his room, you to yours. But you hesitate, because tonight feels different.

"Helen gave me some really good advice," you say.

Steve looks at you intently, his blue eyes searching yours. "Oh? What about?"

"About maintaining my sense of self through all of this. And... about us."

"What did she say about us?" Steve asks.

You hesitate, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "She said... she sees the strong connection between us, and that we shouldn't lose sight of it in the chaos of the campaign."

Steve's expression softens, a mix of surprise and something else you can't quite read. He takes a step closer to you, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from his body.

"And what do you think?" he asks, his voice low and gentle.

Your heart races as you look up at him. "Steve, I..." you begin, but the words catch in your throat.

He reaches out, gently tucking your hair behind your ear. The touch sends a shiver down your spine. "I know," he says softly. "I've been... distant. Guarded. And I'm sorry for that."

The truth is, you know you’ve been guarded, too. And you’re not sure you’re ready to risk anything with exploring more. Not only do you both need to be focused for the campaign, but you locked your heart in a box, and you don’t know if opening it will be a mess that you can face right now.

But you do think there’s a possibility you could have more connection without risking messy feelings.

So you ask, “We’re building a good partnership in this, aren’t we?”

"We are," Steve agrees, his voice warm. "You've been incredible through all of this. I meant what I told the Santos’s - I couldn't ask for a better partner."

You feel a flutter in your chest at his words, but you push it aside. "I was thinking," you say carefully, "maybe we could try to spend a little more time together. Not more campaign events or strategy meetings, but... just us. Getting to know each other better."

Steve's expression softens, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I'd like that," he says quietly. "I think we could both use a friend who’s also in the eye of the storm of all of this."

You nod, feeling a mix of relief and nervous anticipation. He has Sam and Bucky on this campaign trail with him, but their roles are not the same, not giving speeches or being asked for comments.

"Maybe we could start with a meal a day? Just the two of us, no campaign staff or memos or prep."

"It's a date," Steve says. Then quickly adds, "I mean, not a date-date, but... you know what I mean."

You can't help but give a small laugh at Steve's flustered correction. It's endearing to see this side of him - the man behind the polished candidate facade.

"I know what you mean," you assure him with a warm smile.

Steve nods, looking relieved. "Good. That's... good." He pauses for a moment, then adds, "How about breakfast tomorrow? We have that early flight, but we could grab something quick before we head to the airport."

"Sounds perfect," you agree. "I'll meet you in the lobby at 6?"

"It's a plan," Steve says, his smile reaching his eyes in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

You both linger for a moment, neither seeming eager to end the conversation. His eyes are so blue, and when you're this close, and he just looks at you like that, your chest tightens in a pleasantly uncomfortable way that you're not ready for but can't pull away from.

Thankfully, Steve clears his throat. "Well, I guess we should get some sleep," he says, taking a step back. "Big day again tomorrow."

You nod, feeling a mix of disappointment and anticipation. "Always. Goodnight, Steve."

"Goodnight," he replies softly.

You unlock your hotel room door and step inside, your mind racing with thoughts of the evening - the Santos' advice, your conversation with Steve, and the promise of breakfast tomorrow. As you get ready for bed, you can't help but feel a glimmer of hope for what's to come, both for the campaign and for your relationship with Steve.

next part: coming 11/15...

SURPRISE CAMEO FROM THE WEST WING! If you're not a fan of the show, I didn't think it would be a problem - they're just a former Presidential couple. But if you ARE, then I hope you liked seeing them! I'm deep into my every-few-years (every four) rewatch and haven't bumped into them yet, but I'm about to...

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I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

[gothcsz]

part six of the neighbors series. thank you to the anon who sent this angsty prompt for getting the gears turning in my head, hehe. these two are something else, i tell ya. the miscommunication is just so... i am pushing them together forcing them to kiss at this point lol hope you guys like it 🖤 and feel free to send me more things for this little au!

javier peña x f!reader. ~2k word count. nothing too extreme to tag, it's straight up just angst and yearning.

Being with Mateo is nice, sweet even. He calls when he says he will, makes you laugh, and remembers how you take your coffee. And you really do try with him. You take interest in his hobbies, hold his hand when you’re walking down the street, and even let him take you to bed.

The sex is fine, nothing spectacular and just barely above average. Being with him is normal and safe.

But every now and then, your mind drifts to what it would be like if it was Javier in his place. You shake those thoughts off as fast as they come. If you’re going to move on, it has to be for real, not half-heartedly.

It’s a little easier to bury those feelings now that Javier is caught up in something—or someone—of his own. 

She’s over at his place constantly, her laugh sometimes drifting through the walls late at night. It feels like they’re always whispering to each other, talking until all hours, and you hate how that little spark of jealousy sits in your chest.

You catch yourself wondering what her name is, how they met, if she gets that look from him—the one that he used to give you when he’d make you laugh. 

You pass Javier in the hallway sometimes, and when he offers a half-smile and rushed, “Hey,” you return it with something tight and brief, barely meeting his gaze.

But he’s always in his own world these days, buried in work, and if he notices you distancing yourself, he doesn’t show it. Or maybe he’s too distracted to care. Either way, it reinforces the choice you’ve made to keep things this way. 

Every time you pass his closed door, you tell yourself you’re doing the right thing. Him being absent is the push you need to keep stepping back, to keep looking at apartments a few neighborhoods over, just in case.

One day, Mateo notices you’re distracted during dinner, poking at your food more than eating it. 

“Querida,” he says, nudging your hand, “you alright?”

“Yeah.” You force a smile. “Just thinking about work.” You try to shake off the odd feelings you can’t seem to put to rest—the unease of Javier wrapped up in someone else and it working for him but not for you, leaving you more restless than before.

He’s become a background hum of missed chances and bad timing.

Mateo catches the shift in your expression and rests his hand on yours. “If it’s about your place, I don’t mind helping you look around. Maybe even do a little apartment tour spree together this weekend?”

His warmth stirs something in you, a pang of guilt for not giving him the part of you that’s still tucked away. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I’d like that.” 

Javier’s schedule continues to keep him out of the complex and you can’t remember the last time you saw him at the embassy.

Granted, you work in different departments but still, there was enough overlap for you to at least catch glimpses of him throughout the day. 

There’s a wall between you two—one he doesn’t even realize is there.

One evening, as you’re walking up to your door, you hear his low voice in the hallway, murmuring something to that beautiful brunette that you feel so strongly against because of your own insecurities. 

It strikes a nerve, seeing her leaned up against his door like that with Javier crowding her, his fingers tucking a strand of her curly hair behind her ear.

They don’t even notice you and that fucking stings, then you remind yourself that you’re being ridiculous and unlock your door quickly, barely giving him a second glance when he finally turns his head to acknowledge you. You just shut your door.

Later, as you sit by your window with a glass of wine, a part of you wishes you could confront him about it—how you miss having a friend even if these feelings you’ve grown for him have tainted your friendship.

But instead, you brush it off. It’s better this way, the distance and silence. Cutting him off quietly.

You have Mateo now, and maybe in time, those feelings you’re trying to force yourself to feel for him will start to feel more real.

In the meantime, you keep Mateo close and Javier at arm’s length, praying the ache in your chest will fade into something easier to ignore.

When things with Helena spiral, Javier’s entire world dips into a darkness he struggles to fight off.

He’d been steeling himself for months, pretending that what he felt for her was just a part of the job, just another way to gather intel, to stay sharp. But things had shifted, unraveled into something he wasn’t prepared for.

She had become more than an informant; something tangible and real, someone he genuinely cared about. He should have known better than to let it get personal—mixing affection with the job, letting his heart get tangled up in a life as brutal as theirs.

It’s in the wake of this disaster that you pop into his mind again. The truth is, he’d forced you out of it completely, buried you beneath his work, his duties, his time with her.

After all, what place did someone like him, wound up in the cartel’s mess, have with someone like you? You were safe, building a life with an uppity banker, someone who could give you things Javier’s world would never allow. 

Security, stability, and something close to a normal life—things he could barely imagine anymore.

And he’d see it, too, in the way you were with Mateo. He could hear it sometimes through the walls, that light laugh of yours, the one that’d once been his to hear on a quiet afternoon or over a shared meal. Now it belonged to someone else.

Javier would watch the asshole come by, flowers in hand, gifts in his arms, looking like the kind of guy he could never be, the kind of guy you deserved.

Maybe that’s why he fell for Helena so quickly, so intensely. She was tough, resilient, unafraid of the shadows he’d cast around him. With her, he didn’t have to pretend.

They shared the same night-bound existence and he didn’t care that she was a prostitute. She understood, even when he didn’t, the danger of crossing those lines in his work, the way it weighed on him, without flinching at the blood on his hands.

But now… he’s haunted by what he should have seen coming. She’d been hurt, and every part of him feels complicit.

He couldn’t protect her, couldn’t protect himself from feeling it all in his bones, and the guilt wraps around his heart, squeezing so tight it might burst. 

The weight of it pulls him under, and he finds himself wondering how he’s going to claw his way out. His work is far from over.

He's at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon one night when he realizes just how long it's been since he’s really seen you.

The ache that realization brings feels like another knife twisting in his chest. Your bright eyes, that quirky laugh you give when he actually manages to crack you up, and the way you can turn his chaos to calm without even trying—they’ve been missing from his life for months now, and he’s feeling the loss more deeply than he wants to admit.

With sluggish, heavy steps, he staggers across his apartment until he ends up at your door. He knocks, too loudly, too long, until you swing it open, looking bleary-eyed and definitely frustrated. He’s clearly woken you up.

“Hola, cariño—”

“It’s two in the goddamn morning, Javier. ¿Qué necesitas?” 

You’ve got your arms crossed, and he blinks a few times, almost impressed with the improvement of your accent. He opens his mouth, trying to form the words, but you beat him to it, eyeing him up and down.

“Are you drunk? You reek of liquor, Peña.” Your tone is flat. “You need to go back home.”

“Te extraño,” he slurs, the words slipping out before he can stop them. “I can’t be in there another second without feelin’ like I’m losing my damn mind.”

You’re sizing him up, at a war with yourself, and he lets his gaze wander even in his bleary state. You’re wearing that familiar robe with a slip dress underneath, and he has no idea if it helps or makes things worse. 

“Then you should probably call your girl,” you say, voice cool. “Or go upstairs and bother Murphy. I have to be up early.”

You go to close the door, but his large palm spreads against it, steadying himself. “Javier—”

“Please,” he says, voice softer. “Don’t do this. Not tonight.”

For a moment, you search his eyes, your own gaze conflicted, and then, almost begrudgingly, you sigh. “Fine,” you mutter, “but you’re out by the time I’m up for work in the morning.”

You let him in, and he feels that distance in your voice like a physical wall between you. It’s his own fault—he knows it, hates it, but here you are, standing back to let him in anyway.

He stumbles, almost falling flat on his face, and your smaller hands catch him with a muttered curse. Like he’s a child.

You steer him to the couch with an exasperated huff, and even as you help him settle, he’s not sure if it’s the liquor making his chest tighten or the fact that you’re handling him with more care than he deserves. 

You wrestle him out of his jacket, tugging it from his broad shoulders, then go for his boots.

The grunts you make in effort, the feeling of your hands on him—even if it’s just to deal with his drunk ass—makes him ache in a way that alcohol only magnifies.

His thoughts drift to places they have no business going. He’d tried to move past the want he felt for you, burying it under other bodies, other names, other distractions. But here you are in a thin slip dress under your robe and all he can think about is how it’d feel to have you moving against him, to finally let his hands roam your curves, bring you pleasure and fuck you like he’s sure no man has. Not even your goody-two-shoes of a boyfriend.

Once he’s settled on your couch, you leave, only to return a moment later with a glass of water, setting it on the coffee table with a quiet sigh. “If you need to puke, please use my bathroom,” you say flatly, “not the new couch.”

“New couch?” he mumbles, sitting up on his elbows and frowning at it. “What was wrong with the old one?”

You just shake your head, the patience gone from your expression. “Goodnight, Javi,” you say flatly, but he stops you before you leave.

“Thank you for this and I’m sorry—”

“Just stop,” you cut him off with a deep sigh. “You’re always apologizing and I don’t want to hear it. Get some rest.” And then you’re gone, the door to your room closing softly but definitively behind you.

After that night, he tries to make things go back to normal but the distance that happened during that time seems impossible to close now.

Every attempt he makes to lessen it only meets the cool edge of your guarded smile or your quick, polite excuses to cut conversations short. The silence between you has settled too deeply now, like it’s found a home where friendship used to be.

He doesn’t know what to do and you’re still stuck in your forced delusion that Mateo is what you want.

started a tag list for my works here, so if you're interested— pls check it out 🖤

🏷️: @persephone-girl . @almostempty . @magneticecstasy . @miss-oranje-disco-dancer . @pepperstories . @greenwitchfromthewoods . @maiyart . @pedrohoe04 . @natalieispunk . @thewisesalmon . @bitchesuntitled . @puddles221b . @swankyorange . @bbyanarchist . @thottiewinemom . @heyhihello-4771 . @danaehldy . @sunflowerfive . @libre-sol . @harriedandharassed . @untamedheart81 . @moel-jiller . @honeyedmiller . @alexxavicry . @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff . @almodovarispunk . @southernbe . @readingiskeepingmegoing . @pedrito-is-punk7 . @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler . @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 . @lover-of-books-and-tea . @samanthajonees . @dontlookatme121 . @thundermartini . @dinanabuu . @cherrysugarx . @dontlookatme121 . @sunshinefive . @angiewatson .

[sherewrytes]

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 1

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Chapter Playlist:

Chapter 1: Rolling Stone

The blaring of the alarm cuts through the dim haze of the bar like a knife. I squint at the glowing screen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My shift is over, but it feels like the world is just beginning again. The sounds of laughter and clinking glasses fade into the background as I gather my things, the weight of another night spent pouring drinks and avoiding questions heavier than the bottles I’ve been slinging.

What the hell am I doing here?

I didn't need this job—my grandfather left a decent savings, more than enough to keep Choso and Yuuji set for college. But I can't touch it. Not yet. The thought of dipping into that fund makes my stomach twist. It's for them.

It’s always been for them.

So, I picked up this stupid job I hate, slinging drinks for people who don’t care about anything but getting wasted.

“Another night, another dollar,” I mutter to myself, a bitter grin creeping onto my face.

The familiar faces of patrons blur as I head to the door, but the fleeting laughter and boisterous conversations wrap around me, a reminder of the normalcy I’m missing. I should be out there, living it up, but instead, I’m trapped in this monotonous cycle of work and regret.

It’s been eighteen months since Jin died, and three weeks since I lost Grandpa. Shouldn’t I be over this by now?

“Just need to keep my head down,” I say aloud, shaking my head. “Keep the money coming. They depend on you, Sukuna.”

I step outside into the night, the cool air hitting my face like a splash of cold water. The streets are alive with the sounds of nightlife, but they feel like a distant echo, a life I no longer belong to. I light a cigarette, inhaling deeply, letting the smoke fill my lungs, trying to drown out the nagging thoughts in my head.

Y/N…

She’s been my anchor since my world turned upside down. I think about the year we’ve spent together, how she’s become the one bright spot in my otherwise dreary existence. But there’s a heaviness between us that I can’t shake. I haven’t been fully present, and I know it.

“I’m trying, dammit,” I whisper, the words almost lost in the rustle of the wind. “But how do I explain this?”

What if I lose her too?

My thoughts spiral. I’ve built walls so high, convinced that keeping her at a distance will spare her from the wreckage I’ve become. But every time I see her smile, it’s like a reminder of everything I’m not—of the light I can’t give her because I’m too busy drowning in my own sorrow.

You’ve done enough of this pity party, Sukuna. Just let her in. She wants to help. You can’t keep pushing her away.

But it’s easier said than done. Every time I think about opening up, about letting her see the raw mess I am, a voice in the back of my head reminds me of the risk. “What if she can’t handle it?”

What if she leaves?

With a heavy heart, I crush the cigarette butt under my boot and head toward my apartment. I can’t let her see how much I’m struggling. I won’t burden her with my pain. But the truth is, I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m tired of pretending everything is okay when it’s not. I just want to talk to her, to feel that warmth radiating from her, even if it’s just for a moment.

As I approach my front door, I can see the lights flickering inside. Yuuji and Choso are likely glued to some video game, oblivious to the world outside. I shove the door open, the familiar creak echoing in the silence.

“Hey, I’m back,” I call out, forcing a casualness into my voice I don’t feel.

“Finally! We thought you fell in,” Yuuji replies, his voice full of that youthful energy that’s both infectious and exhausting.

“Yeah, as if. Just needed to pay the bills,” I respond, but my heart isn’t in it. I head to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, chugging it down like it’s the last drop of sanity I’ll ever have.

I should call her. Just see how she’s doing. She’s been so patient with me, even when I’ve been a complete jerk.

I pull out my phone, the screen lighting up with her contact name. My finger hovers over the call button, hesitation creeping in.

What if she’s busy? What if she thinks I’m pathetic for calling her now?

“Just do it,” I whisper to myself, the words barely escaping my lips. “You can’t keep hiding.”

With a deep breath, I press the button, and the phone rings. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait, hoping she picks up, praying she won’t judge me for the mess I’ve made of everything.

“C’mon, Y/N. Pick up.”

After a few rings, her voice breaks through, warm and inviting. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” I say, the tension in my shoulders easing slightly at the sound of her voice.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?” she asks, concern lacing her tone.

“Yeah, just finished work. Thought I’d check in on you,” I reply, keeping it casual, though the truth feels heavier than I can articulate.

“Just hanging out. You sound tired,” she notes, and I can almost picture the way she frowns when she’s worried.

Always so damn perceptive.

“Yeah, long night,” I admit. “How about you? You doing okay?”

“Better now that you called,” she replies, her words wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

I need this. I need her.

“Maybe I’ll come over. I could use some company,” I say, trying to sound casual even though my heart races at the thought.

“I’d like that. Just… come over when you can,” she responds, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” I say, ending the call.

As I toss my phone onto the couch and lean back, I realize how much I’ve needed this connection. For all my reckless decisions and the way I’ve pushed her away, there’s something about her presence that makes the world feel less heavy.

Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can let her in.

I head to the bathroom to shower then to my room to change, scrolling through my phone I scrolled through spotify and played P5hng Me A*wy/Mike Shinoda and Linkin Park. I pulled out an old band tee from Bring me to the horizon and some ripped jeans. In the back of my draw I see some Xanax in a baggie. I pulled it out and popped one then a half I had from sometime before. 

I should really quit this at some point…..but not tonight. 

As I step out from my room into the living room, feeling a renewed sense of clarity, the front door creaks open. Choso strolls in, his expression a mixture of nonchalance and mischief that immediately puts me on high alert.

“Hey, where have you been?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady, but I can’t mask the irritation creeping in. I left him home with Yuuji, expecting a quiet night, and instead, I get this.

Choso shrugs, the dim light from the hallway casting shadows across his face. That’s when I catch a glimpse of something on his arm—ink, the kind that shouldn’t belong to someone barely eighteen.

For fuck’s sake.

I sigh, the tension in my chest tightening as I stride over to him, my heart pounding with frustration and concern. “What is this?” I snatch his arm, pulling it closer to examine the tattoo. It’s a crude design, something that looks like it was done in a rush, the lines jagged and uneven.

“Where have you been?” I demand, my voice low and sharp. “I left you home with Yuuji. Did you really think sneaking out was a good idea?”

Choso tries to pull his arm back, but I hold firm, scanning his face for any sign of remorse. Instead, I find a mix of defiance and pride that only stokes my anger further.

“Dude, it’s just a tattoo,” he says, a hint of rebellion in his tone. “I wanted to do something cool, you know?”

“Cool? You think getting a tattoo looking like you did it in a back alley is cool?” I hiss, my frustration boiling over. “You could’ve gotten yourself hurt or worse! What the hell were you thinking?”

He rolls his eyes, his teenage bravado coming out in full force. “It’s not a big deal, Sukuna. Everyone gets tattoos. I just wanted to be like you. You’re the one with all the ink.”

I let go of his arm, realizing the weight of my own hypocrisy. But I can’t back down now. “You think I’m some role model? I’ve made plenty of mistakes. This isn’t about me; it’s about you making smart choices! You’re not ready for this—”

“What, you mean you think I can’t handle it?” Choso snaps back, his youthful anger flaring. “I’m not a kid anymore. I can do what I want!”

“Yeah, well, you’re still living under my roof, and I’m still responsible for you,” I remind him, my voice strained but firm. “So until you can pay your own bills, I expect you to follow some rules. This isn’t a game, Choso. Tattoos can have consequences you’re not thinking about.”

Choso crosses his arms, his defiance cooling slightly as he looks away. I soften my tone, fighting the urge to explode. “I just… I don’t want you to end up regretting something like this. It’s not as easy to remove as you think. And if Yuuji knew you left the house, he’d freak.”

Choso’s eyes flicker with guilt for just a moment, but he quickly masks it. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to try something different. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Not a big deal?

I lean against the wall, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Look, just promise me you’ll think about your choices next time, alright? You’re not just a kid anymore, but you still need to act like one sometimes.”

“Fine. I promise,” he mutters, though I can see the annoyance simmering beneath the surface.

“Good. Now go shower and study and cover that thing up. You don’t need to show that thing off to everyone.” I start to walk back to the couch, but Choso grabs my arm, stopping me.

“Wait.” He looks me in the eye, something earnest in his gaze. “What if you’re not here? What if you get tired of taking care of us and just…leave?”

The question hangs in the air, heavy and charged. I open my mouth to reassure him, but the truth is, I’m terrified of what he just said.

What if I do?

“Listen, Choso,” I start, searching for the right words. “I’m not going anywhere. I lost too much already. You and Yuuji are all I have left.”

“Then stop acting like it doesn’t matter,” he shoots back, and I can’t help but feel the sting of his words.

I swallow hard, staring at him, wishing I had the right answers. “I’m trying, okay? Just… let me figure this out.”

He nods, but I can see he’s not fully convinced. “Alright. Just don’t go disappearing on us, okay?”

With that, he heads off toward the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more.

I can’t disappear. I won’t. But what if I keep failing?

With a heavy heart, I plop back down on the couch, staring at my phone. I wonder if I should call Y/N again. Maybe she’d have something to say that would make all of this feel a little less overwhelming.

As I sit there, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not just fighting for myself anymore. I’m fighting for Choso, for Yuuji, and for Y/N. I need to find a way to hold it all together.

Somehow. I have to.

I plop down on the couch, the weight of the evening still heavy on my shoulders. The faint smell of cigarettes and whiskey clings in the air. 

Jesus, it stinks in here

 Just as he begins to find a moment of peace, Yuuji plops down next to him, grinning as he passes over his lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

“Here,” Yuuji says, his voice light, almost playful.

“Stay outta my shit, man,” I grumbles, though I can’t help but feel a hint of amusement at Yuuji’s carefree demeanor.

Yuuji chuckles, unfazed. “Where’s Y/N? I didn’t see her at Grandpa’s funeral.”

The question hangs in the air, and for a brief moment, I feel the ground shift beneath me. I had meant to tell Y/N about  grandfather's passing—she had been there for me through so much—but the weight of it all had left me feeling paralyzed.

It wasn’t important that she was there…

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the guilt settle like a stone in my chest. “It wasn’t important that she was there,” I muttered, trying to brush it off.

“But isn’t she important to you?” Yuuji presses, his tone shifting to something more serious.

I fell silent, the question echoing in my mind.

Is she?

I reach for a cigarette, pulling it out with slightly trembling hands before lighting it. The flame flickers in the dim light, illuminating my features for a moment as I inhale deeply.

“Dude,” Choso pipes up from the hallway, his voice laced with annoyance. “You said no smoking in the house.”

I rolled his eyes, exhaling a cloud of smoke toward the ceiling. “Cut me some slack,” I snapped, though I can’t ignore the tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me that I should be setting a better example.

The deep feeling that I’m forgetting something tugs at me, like a whisper just beyond my mental grasp. But then again, if I forgot it, it probably wasn’t important. Right?

Yuuji is staring at me, a knowing look in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he leans back against the couch, looking comfortable in the silence that stretches between them.

“Things have been rough, huh?” Yuuji finally says, his voice softer now.

“Yeah,” I replied, flicking ash into a nearby tray. “You could say that.”

Choso saunters back into the living room, arms crossed, eyeing Sukuna. “You really should talk to Y/N, you know? She cares about you, and it’s clear you’re going through something.”

I glared at him, irritation flaring. “I don’t need you two playing therapist. I’m handling my shit.”

Choso raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Handling it how? By ignoring everything? By pushing everyone away? Because that’s not working.”

The truth stings, and I shifts in my seat, the tension coiling tighter. “I’m not pushing anyone away,” I shoot back, though I know it sounds hollow.

Yuuji breaks the tension with a laugh. “Yeah, you are. You could at least let her in a little. She might surprise you.”

The idea sits heavy on my chest. 

Could Y/N really surprise him? Could she handle what he’s been dealing with?

What if she can’t?

I take another drag, the nicotine coursing through me like a desperate lifeline. “Whatever, man. Just drop it.”

Choso opens his mouth to argue, but Yuuji nudges him with a chuckle, and they both fall into an easy banter, leaving Sukuna to his own thoughts.

Maybe I should call her...didn’t I call her…can’t fucking remember. 

But the longer I sat there, the more I felt that familiar weight pressing down. The feeling of forgetting something important resurfaces, and I can’t shake it off.

As the night drags on, Sukuna fights the urge to reach for his phone again, knowing that if he does, everything could change. But at the same time, it feels like he’s on the edge of something—something he can’t quite see but knows is there, waiting for him to make the first move.

What the hell am I doing?

I flicks the cigarette butt into the tray, the embers glowing as it lands.

“Hey,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence, my voice rough. “What if I mess everything up? What if I don’t know how to make it right?”

Choso and Yuuji both turn to me, surprised by my admission.

“Then you figure it out,” Yuuji replies, his tone steady. “Just like you’ve always done. Just don’t shut her out.”

Maybe it’s time to stop running and start fighting. For once.

With a deep breath, Sukuna decides it’s time to stop overthinking it. He picks up his phone, staring at the screen, ready to reach out to Y/N.

This is my last chance...but I’m exhausted right now. Fuck!

Yuuji’s POV

Sukuna's exhaustion finally takes over as he sinks deeper into the couch, his body curling into itself. The low hum of the television fills the room, blending with the sound of his steady breathing. He drifts off, lost in the chaos of his mind.

Meanwhile, Yuuji glances at the sleeping figure of his older brother, a frown creeping across his face. Curious and a bit worried, he reaches for Sukuna's phone, its screen illuminated in the dim light. He unlocks it and starts scrolling through the messages, his brow furrowing as he realizes how many texts from Y/N have gone unanswered.

“Dude, look at this,” Yuuji says, wandering over to Choso, who’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and a bored expression on his face. Yuuji holds the phone out for Choso to see, displaying the countless messages from Y/N that Sukuna has ignored for the past month.

Choso glances at the screen, then rolls his eyes. “Mind your own business, Yuuji,” he replies, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Seriously, though,” Yuuji presses, a touch of frustration creeping in. “He’s been ignoring her for so long. What’s going on with him?”

Before Choso can respond, Sukuna’s phone starts ringing, the sound piercing through the quiet. Yuuji’s eyes widen, and he instinctively silences the ringer, a mix of concern and curiosity flashing across his face.

“What should we do?” Yuuji asks, looking at Choso for guidance, a bit of desperation in his tone.

Choso shrugs, his expression unreadable. “Mind our own business. It's not our place to interfere.”

Yuuji sighs, glancing back at Sukuna, who remains blissfully unaware of the conversation happening around him. “But I like Y/N. She’s cool and puts up with him,” he points out, gesturing to his older brother, still sleeping on the couch. “She deserves better than this.”

Choso lets out a breath, his frustration shifting to something softer as he considers Yuuji’s words. “Yeah, I get that. But what do you expect us to do? You think we can just barge in and demand he talk to her?”

Yuuji's eyes narrow, determination hardening his features. “Maybe that’s exactly what we should do. He needs a wake-up call. This isn’t just about him anymore. He’s got people who care about him—people who are worried.”

“Like you?” Choso scoffs, but there’s no real bite in his tone. “You think that’s going to make a difference?”

“Maybe,” Yuuji replies, his voice firm. “But if we don’t try, then we’re just letting him push everyone away. We can’t let him go down this path alone.”

Choso hesitates, the weight of Yuuji’s words sinking in. He knows Sukuna is struggling, knows that beneath the bravado lies someone broken and scared.

“Okay, let’s wake him up, then,” Choso finally concedes, pushing himself off the wall. “But if he gets pissed, that’s on you.”

Yuuji nods, determination burning in his eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”

Together, they approach the couch, the weight of their intentions hanging in the air. Yuuji crouches beside Sukuna, gently shaking his shoulder. “Hey, Sukuna. Wake up, man.”

Sukuna stirs, groaning as he squints against the light. “What the hell?” he mutters, running a hand through his disheveled hair, still half-asleep.

“Time to get up,” Yuuji says, his tone serious now. “We need to talk.”

Sukuna blinks, confusion clouding his eyes as he tries to shake off the remnants of sleep. “Talk about what?” he grumbles, irritation creeping in as he stretches.

“About Y/N,” Choso interjects, crossing his arms again as he leans against the wall.

The mention of her name seems to clear the fog from Sukuna’s mind. “What about her?” he asks, sitting up straighter, instantly alert.

“You’ve been ignoring her, man,” Yuuji says, his voice firm but compassionate. “She deserves better than this.”

Sukuna’s heart sinks, the familiar guilt clawing at his insides. He opens his mouth to protest but finds no words.

“I don’t want to hear excuses,” Yuuji continues, determination etched on his face. “You need to reach out to her. She cares about you, and you’re pushing her away. We can’t just sit here and watch you do this to yourself.”

Sukuna looks between the two of them, the weight of their concern crashing over him.

Maybe I’m not the only one hurting here.

“I… I know,” he finally admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

Choso steps closer, his expression softening. “Then what are you waiting for? Call her. Don’t let this go on any longer.”

Sukuna glances down at his phone, the screen still displaying Y/N’s name. What am I waiting for?

With a deep breath, he picks it up, the decision weighing heavily on his heart. Maybe it’s time to stop hiding and start fighting for the people who matter most.

Sukuna’s POV

I glance down at my phone as it lights up again, Y/N’s name flashing across the screen.

Not again.

I let it ring, barely registering the sound as I mumble to myself, “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

But the ringing doesn’t stop. I grit my teeth, a sense of dread bubbling in my stomach. “For fuck's sake,” I mutter, watching it ring again.

Why can’t she just give me a minute?

When the phone vibrates for the third time, I finally snap. “Fuck!” I answer, irritation spilling over as I press the phone to my ear. “What?”

“Where the hell have you been?” she shouts, her voice cracking like a whip through the line, the frustration palpable.

I wince, already regretting picking up. “I’ve been… busy,” I respond, my tone defensive.

“Busy ignoring me?” She scoffs, and I can practically see her rolling her eyes, her frustration radiating through the call.

This is so typical…

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm brewing inside. “I’m not doing this right now, Y/N. It’s not a good time.”

“Not a good time? You’ve been dodging my calls for weeks! What the hell is going on with you?”

Weeks… The word hits me hard, the weight of it settling heavily on my chest. I can’t keep running from this.

“Look,” I start, my voice low, “my grandfather is dead.”

Silence falls on the other end, thick and suffocating. I can almost hear the gears turning in her head.

“...When’s the funeral?” she finally asks, her tone shifting from anger to concern.

“It was three weeks ago,” I reply, the admission tasting bitter on my tongue.

“Three weeks?” she whispers, disbelief lacing her words. “And you said nothing?”

“I'm handling it, Y/N!” I bite back, the frustration boiling over. I can feel the anger and grief bubbling up, the remnants of my grandfather’s absence clawing at my throat.

I don’t want to talk about this. Not now.

Her silence feels like a dagger, cutting deeper than any argument we've had before. “This isn’t how you handle things, Sukuna,” she finally says, her voice shaking.

“I’m not doing this dumb shit with you tonight,” I snap, the heat of the moment overwhelming me. “I’m hanging up.”

And with that, I cut the line, the sound of the call ending echoing in the stillness of the room.

What the hell was I thinking?

My heart races as I throw my phone onto the couch, the silence that follows feeling deafening. I bury my head in my hands, fighting against the emotions swirling inside me.

She doesn’t understand. She can’t know what this feels like… The anger, the pain, the constant ache of losing my grandfather and not being able to show it. How could I have told her?

I lean back against the couch, the weight of everything pressing down on me.

Just give me time…

But as I sit in the dim light, the loneliness creeps in. The silence is heavy, and I know I can’t keep pushing her away. I want to reach out, but the fear of exposing my vulnerability paralyzes me.

I close my eyes, wishing for the chaos to settle, for a moment of peace to wash over me. But it doesn’t come.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk to her. I’ll figure this out.

But as the minutes stretch on, I realize the truth—if I keep this up, I might lose her for good.

Ding.

I sigh, my heart sinking as I open my eyes, dreading that it’s another text from her. I reach for my phone, bracing myself for the disappointment, but I feel a wave of relief wash over me when I see the name flashing on the screen. It’s not Y/N.

It’s Toji.

I’m five minutes away and I got pizza and weed.

I throw the phone back onto the couch and turn to Yuuji and Choso, who are in the kitchen, their heads craned toward the door, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Zenin is coming over,” I announce, trying to keep my voice steady.

Yuuji shrugs, a nonchalant expression on his face. “And I don’t give a fuck.”

Choso snickers, and I can’t help but wonder,

Who raised this kid?

“Yuuji,” I say, my tone firm, “you’ve got school tomorrow. Head to bed.”

He rolls his eyes, but I can see the weariness creeping in. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

I shift my gaze to Choso, who’s been sitting quietly, but I know he’s been feeling the pressure of finals coming up soon. “You need good grades to get into university, too. Go study or some shit.”

He raises an eyebrow, a playful grin tugging at his lips. “I will, but it’s hard to focus with you two around.”

Great, more attitude. “If you can’t handle the distraction, then take your study materials and go somewhere else.”

“Not a chance,” he says, laughing as he grabs a bottle of soda from the fridge. “Besides, I want to see what Zenin brought.”

I shake my head, the corners of my mouth twitching upward despite my efforts to maintain a stern facade. “You two are impossible.”

The door swings open a moment later, and Toji steps inside, a broad grin on his face, pizza boxes stacked high in his arms. “Guess who brought dinner!” he calls out, the aroma wafting through the air and instantly making my stomach growl.

“About damn time!” Yuuji jumps up, rushing over to help him with the boxes, while Choso just stands there, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

I lean back on the couch, watching the chaos unfold. This is a welcome distraction. I can feel the heaviness of the earlier conversation with Y/N slipping away, if only for a moment.

Toji, pulling out a baggie of weed from his pocket and tossing it on the couch next to me. “Let’s get this party started. It’s been a rough week for all of us.”

Yeah, rough doesn’t even begin to cover it.

But I nod, grateful for his presence, even if he’s a walking headache sometimes.

Maybe this is what I need—just a bit of normalcy, a moment to breathe.

I watch as Toji sets down two boxes of pizza on the table, and he turns his gaze to me, studying my face.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, his tone casual, but I can hear the underlying concern.

I stay silent, reaching for the weed instead, the familiar ritual of rolling a blunt providing a momentary escape. As I begin to roll, I feel Toji’s eyes on me, a bead of sweat forming at the back of my neck.

“What?��� I finally snap, my voice edged with irritation.

Toji sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Guess we’re doing this.”

Yuuji, ever the meddler, chimes in with a grin, “Y/N broke up with him.”

I shoot him a glare, my hands stilling. “She didn’t.”

“Sure sounded like you guys were about to,” Choso adds, his voice matter-of-fact, as if I hadn’t just dismissed Yuuji’s comment.

I lean back, rolling my eyes. “So you’re both minding my business now?”

Yuuji shrugs, that infuriating smirk still plastered on his face. “Of course.” He smacks his lips exaggeratedly, just to piss me off even more.

Toji raises an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “What happened?”

I take a deep breath, the memory of our earlier fight flooding back, sharp and painful. “We got into it,” I say, my voice low. “She called me out for ignoring her, and I... I told her my grandfather died.”

“To be fair,” Toji interjects, “that’s a pretty big deal.”

“I know!” I shoot back, frustration creeping in. “But it was the way she said it. Like it was my fault I hadn’t told her sooner. I just—”

I stop, running a hand through my hair, feeling the weight of it all settle on my shoulders. “I didn’t want her to worry. I thought I could handle it. But I’m just a mess right now.”

“You can’t just shut her out,” Toji says, his voice steady, and I can tell he’s trying to keep me from spiraling. “You need to let her in. She cares about you.”

“Yeah, but does she really? Because it doesn’t feel like it right now,” I mutter, frustration boiling beneath the surface.

Choso exchanges a glance with Yuuji, and I know they’re thinking the same thing. 

You’re fucking this up, Sukuna.

“Look,” Yuuji says, more serious now, “maybe just talk to her. Apologize or something. She might be pissed off, but she’ll listen. She always does.”

“I don’t know if I can face her after that,” I admit, the confession hanging heavy in the air.

Toji slaps my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. “You don’t get to hide from this. Just be honest. You’ve got to get your shit together, man.”

I nod, taking a deep breath, the reality of it all sinking in. “Yeah, you’re right.”

The weight of my decisions looms over me, but amidst the chaos and noise of the kitchen, I can feel the glimmer of hope.

Maybe I can fix this… maybe it’s not too late.

I finish rolling the blunt and take a moment, grounding myself. “Alright, enough about me. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Yuuji and Choso dive into the pizza boxes, their laughter echoing around me. And for a moment, the laughter drowns out the noise in my head, the worries about Y/N fading to the background as I join them.

My phone rings again, cutting through the brief moment of normalcy. I glance at the screen and see it's Y/N. My stomach drops at the sight. I switch the ringer off again, desperate to avoid this conversation.

Toji, however, doesn’t miss a beat. He watches the phone and answers it. “Hey, what’s up, Y/N?”

I can hear her voice through the speaker, sharp and clear. “Where’s Sukuna?”

Toji shrugs, glancing at me. “He’s around. Is there something you need?”

I feel the air shift in the room as Y/N’s voice crackles through the speaker. “Tell him to come get his shit from my place.”

My heart drops.

She isn’t doing this right now.

 The weight of her words hits me like a punch to the gut.

Toji pauses, clearly surprised. “Are you sure about that?”

“His grandfather died,”

 Y/N responds, her tone unyielding. “And?”

And? 

The anger surges through me, hot and raw. I mouth to Toji to pass me the phone, but he shakes his head, his expression saying it all: 

Don’t. Just let it go.

“Y/N, you know it’s not that simple,” Toji says, his voice steady but laced with caution. “He’s going through a lot right now.”

“Yeah, well, so am I,” she snaps back, frustration dripping from her words. “I can’t keep doing this, Toji. He’s been ignoring me, and I’m done. Just tell him to come get his things.”

I can feel my heart racing, the anger boiling beneath the surface.

She really done with me?

Toji glances at me again, gauging my reaction. “Y/N, I get that you’re upset, but maybe you should talk to him instead of kicking him out. You guys have been together for almost a year.”

“Exactly! Almost a year and I feel like I’m in this alone. I’m tired of waiting around for him to decide he wants to talk to me. I deserve better than this.”

Does she really think I don’t care?

“Okay, but…” Toji starts, but Y/N cuts him off.

“No, Toji. I’m not going to keep making excuses for him. He needs to take responsibility. If he doesn’t want to be with me, then that’s his choice.”

I’m clenching my fists now, the frustration spilling over. I can’t just let this happen.

“Just pass me the phone,” I finally say, my voice low and dangerous.

Toji gives me a hard look but eventually relents, handing me the phone with a reluctant sigh. I can feel the weight of the moment pressing down on me.

“Y/N,” I say, trying to keep my tone even, but it cracks slightly, betraying my anger. “You really want to do this right now?”

“What do you want me to say, Sukuna?” she replies, her voice steady yet tinged with hurt. “You’ve been ignoring me for weeks. You think I’m just going to sit here and pretend everything’s okay?”

“I’m not ignoring you!” I shoot back, frustration bubbling over. “I’m dealing with shit, and I thought you’d understand. My grandfather just died, for fuck’s sake!”

“Then talk to me about it!” she retorts, her voice rising. “I can’t help you if you shut me out. I’m not asking for much; I just want to know you’re okay.”

“I’m handling it, Y/N,” I insist, my words coming out sharper than I intended. “But you don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like right now.”

“Then make me understand!” she snaps. “Stop pushing me away!”

I can hear the desperation in her voice, and it’s like a knife twisting in my gut.

“Y/N, I…” I start, but the words fail me.

What do I say?

But before I can finish, she sighs deeply, the sound heavy with resignation. “Just come get your stuff. I can’t keep waiting for you to figure this out.”

“Fine,” I reply, my voice quiet. “I’ll be there.”

She doesn’t respond, and the silence stretches between us like an unbridgeable chasm.

“Y/N…”

But it’s too late. She hangs up, leaving me with nothing but the echo of our argument hanging in the air.

Toji and Choso watch me closely, the weight of their scrutiny pressing down. I want to scream, to lash out, but instead, I drop the phone to my side and run a hand through my hair, feeling the tension coil tighter in my chest.

The weight of the argument hangs in the air, thick and suffocating. With a heavy sigh, I pass my car keys to Choso. “Go pick up my stuff.”

He raises an eyebrow, shaking his head. “Nah, bro. You’re doing that on your own. I’m not getting in that mess.”

I scoff, frustration boiling over. “Seriously? You think I want to deal with this shit alone?”

“Yeah, I do,” Choso replies, crossing his arms defiantly. “I don’t want any part of that drama. You can’t just ignore her for weeks and expect her to roll over when you come crawling back.”

“Whatever, man,” I mutter, pushing myself off the couch. I turn to Toji, who’s watching us with a bemused expression. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving me off. “I’ll keep an eye on these two losers over here.” He messes up Yuuji’s hair, earning a frustrated grunt from the younger guy.

With a heavy heart and a storm brewing in my chest, I head to my car. The engine roars to life, but it does little to drown out the chaos in my mind.

 What the hell am I even going to say to her?

[imageingrunge]

A needlessly thorough review of DATV so I can move on with my life:

WHAT I LIKED:

The story pacing flows better without all that open world slog from DAI I am not bombarded by 50 side quests that have no baring on anything other than rp flavor

The game is pretty, CC is nice

They gave you far more opportunities to flesh out your Rook's background than in DAI and da2 but it's not as fun has having a mini origin story from DAO

no fall damage and if u run out of a combat zone ur companions follow u too

Hossberg wetlands really remind me of dragon age awakenings and I like the way the blight looks there, it gave me a nice nostalgic feeling for the older games

WHAT I DID NOT LIKE (IN DETAIL)

Voice Acting & Dialogue

It is really hard to be invested in a game that feels the need to recap everything you just experienced from 5 minutes ago, (verging on insulting my intelligence) and the silliest part is while i do hate this I got so checked out after act 2 I needed the recap 

A lot of the dialogue and banter is just empty small talk and meaningless pleasantries that sucked the life out of me, had me longing for the days of hearing Ohgren's beer belches reverberate off the walls in the deep roads:

 Voice acting is really consistent, I hated it when you never knew how your inquisitor would sound in DAI sometimes too serious for a funny comment or like yelling at Cassandra and cullen over nothing - Rook is more consistent but it comes at a loss of personality every line is uttered in the same annoying tone that had me being like damn can he stfu already (da2 was ideal voice acting for me if they cant deliver that again just go back to a voiceless protagonist)

Me whenever my rook opened his mouth: i was getting violent on that skip button

The dialogue between rook and their companions holds it back from being enjoyable at all really- here's some examples:

Emmerich's personal quest in act 2: "I want to do this immortality rite it's a very high honor in my order but rook I might die in the process permanently, I am an orphan and afraid of dying" Rook: "You could die?!?! That's awful". In Origins you can have a conversation with Wynn about her inevitable death and respond in a manner similar to rook and Wynn teases you by saying "well i'm not going to live for ever dear" it made me smile and sad about not being able to really help her. Did not feel that way Emmerich though, Im so uninterested in him as a character my response and feelings are "old people die all the time" and then 'wait why the fuck haven't you done this immortality ritual yet instead dragging me over here to collect some flowers"

Companions & Romance

the flirt options aren't all that flirty, its just rook being nice, all the romance content seems behind a 'romance locked in' moment (that comes in so late in the game u already forgot who u were even flirting with at times) so you can't hop ur way from one bed to another before deciding on 'the forever one' (remember when I could ride the iron bull then break up and be with Cullen- I don't think that’s an option here)

The companions are all pretty forgettable, I did everyone's personal quest (with the exception of Taash tried to kill a dragon for them n failed so bad i just moved on) and forgot there was even an approval system with them or that I was supposed to pick choices for them. It felt like i was on a train going in one direction where it did not matter what I said or did to them they would be fine. It’s like I've lost and gained nothing by doing these quests. The deepest thing I learned about Emmerich is that he is a 50 yr old orphan scared of dying. And it makes me not care all that much about them beyond “I just need you to function enough to get me to the end of the game sure Taash embrace being Rivaini, yes Harding live peacefully w that Titan shit inside you idc… Lucanis..ahh what was ur issue again I forget”

I made Lucanis live peacefully with Spite (stuck as an abomination that's supposed to be as volatile as Anders & Justice) Let Emmerich become a lich and no one batted an eye. Everyone just heehee haw hawing over Emmerich's new skeleton form and I forget about spite a lot unless he comments on something i've killed. Was there supposed to be some moral quandary? to make Emmerich a lich I had to "kill off" Manfred... the walking skeleton who might as well have been a rock with a pair of googly eyes attached to him for all i care

I don’t want to help Bellara light funeral pyres in a puzzle game play style that isnt a deep message about death. I want Aveline's speech about reading her favorite book to her dying father after hawke lost thier mother.

For Neve's romance, it took the whole world falling part and everyone dying for her to kiss me for a 2 time and then pity fuck me and afterword she’s like I’m leaving don’t want to be too distracting. All these lines carry no weight like bad actors w no chemistry

jaw on the floor comparing this (first time I said "i love you" to neve)

to the first time I said it to cullen and how he treats u before the big battle

I get that she isn't lovey dovey but at 70 hrs in and 2 kisses it feels like she just dont love me </3

Combat - as a spellblade mage*

combat was this weird mix of sometimes fun sometimes a new and unique form of human torture (wydm press shift 4 times n hold down e then press V C and 2 IM ON A KEYBOARD!) Once u make it past level 20 u are immortal but ur enemies are sponges I dreaded every single dragon fight despite that being my favorite thing to do in DAI. Don't ever want to see another Ogre in my life they body me into corners that hitting space can't save me from.

At some point u just gotta run around the place a lot hoping ur companions can do the damage for you bc the mobs aren’t interested in them at all. i was spamming 2 n slamming on that E key hopping it would be over n done with already, If i wanted to play a flashy monster hunter game, well then id play tw3 at least that combat is fun.

Lore & Story building

At the end of Trespasser, I was under the impression that the conflict in DATV would revolve around solas amassing an army of elves all over Thedas to rebel against the Evanuris. He had a whole network of Spies working against the Inquisition and the Antaam, and planned to restore the elven people, upend their religious views, and try to tear down the veil as a way of atonement. So I was understanding of there only being 3 import choices ( 1- who you romanced, 2- Save or redeem Solas 3- Disband or Keep inquisition). But that's not the story we get; instead its this??

The veil jumpers are like engineering mages with no ties to Solas beyond being an elves. There is no religious struggle they just seem to accept that these Gods have always been evil and need to be stopped. Solas is just a one man army trapped in the fade off screen for like 70% of the game. Should I have just kept the inquisition around after all? The only mention I got was my disbanded inquisition choice was inky going "my name still carries weight in southern thedas" and it seemed like disbanding or keeping it would have an affect on how easy or hard it would be to stop Solas but no it really doesn't at all

“It doesn’t feel like a Dragon Age game”

A criticism I rarely take seriously because that can mean so many different things? Like what is it the atmosphere? The aesthetics? The “dArK fAnTasy” none of these things have ever stayed consistent in any dragon age game. And I’d say DA franchise lost its teeth/edge when dai rolled around it was pretty light in the world of dark fantasy

However…theyre kinda right this time around....

It doesn’t feel like a dragon age game because they removed a lot of the lore your were exposed to in the previous games to the point where this might as well be another game all together. (i am not even a lore nerd but i do need something there to feel like i am in a dragon age game)

Yes the city is named Minrathos you were are told of its cultural significance and history as the seat of the empire but looks like a shittier version of kirkwall (and I kept getting lost going around the map so I hated it even more for wasting my time) Honestly the city felt super high tech and out of place in a fantasy setting imo, I missed it when everyone lived in a wooden hovel in the middle of the woods.

There is no reason for the venatori to follow Elgarnan and ghilian'nan or for the Qunari either but it all gets hand waved away with "they offered us power"

Reading the Inquisitors letters made me feel like im in a spinoff game and the real story is happening somewhere else. And sad to like baby take me with you!! i want to save u from this nightmare

A lot of the factions are sanitized to the point of being boring Darvin's little 'we're warden we don't do blood magic that's just not right" baby I let the wardens sacrifice elves to Corphyeus 3 weeks ago :/

Qunari Culture

So the whole reason you were fighting the Antaam in DAI was because they believed you were in cahoots with Solas, who's whole plan to them is to sow chaos and disorder- that is a HUGE no no in the Qun so they see it as their sacred duty to stop you. The Qunari we meet in DATV mindless npc mooks who attack you not because your with Solas but because the Evil elven gos promised them uhh power n shit for stopping you. Like I know I did not just waste my time in DAI reading about how egalitarian the Qun is everyone is like a Hive, they depend on each other so selfishness is rooted out so wtf was going on in Treviso with these guys. A whole culture decimated down to being darkspawn mobs part 2

What made me never want to play another DA game ever again:

Everything you ever did in Orlais, Ferelden, Kirkwall is pointless. No matter what the last letter from the Inquistor is "yeah the blight reached the south Denerim is gone, ferelden is blighted beyond repair, we took back Skyhold but barely. The Venatori disposed of whoever you put in charge of Orlais and there's giant leviathans rising out the sea in Ostwick"  There is no conclusion to this it's just the state of the world now

I cant even pretend my non solas romanced Inky is happy and safe after all this? My hof and Alistar might as well be dead for all that it ever mattered. I get that the devs wanted a clean slate but did they have to burn my house down and salt the fields? It feels so spiteful and mean, like they wanted to make a whole separate game and tack on the "dragon age" title to it for money. If they're not interested in the lore or world building why should I? it made me fully checked out of the rest of the story. Like damn idgaf about elgar'nan and the other one give me back Redcliff

TLDR I dont know if i should be sad that I still care about this or glad its over either way im blocking all datv tags n moving on

[iamgonnagetyouback]

hey there, ‘s me <3 so, my first request will be for a story in a shell 🦪 for mattheo, with the "exes to lovers" trope i’ve been obsessed with lately, and the song will be sabrina’s good graces that i’ve been listening to pretty much ever since the release. i think it would be cute with the trope. thanks in advance 💘

Hey there me, it's Ivy! ⁠(⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠)⁠)づ (sorry that was a terrible joke; I think it's my dad's influence) Anyways, thank you so much for requesting, honey (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) And yes I had good graces playing on loop the whole time I was writing it (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

ivy's 1k celebration 🦪 navigation 🦪 characters

ˋ°•*⁀➷ MATTHEO RIDDLE exes to lovers with good graces by sabrina carpenter

The party was in full swing, voices buzzing and music thrumming through the walls. You could feel eyes on you, not the least of which belonged to Mattheo Riddle from across the room. Every so often, you’d look his way, meeting his gaze with a taunting smirk before turning your attention back to Theo, who was by your side, grinning like he knew exactly what kind of game you were playing.

The sound of laughter bubbled up as you leaned in closer to Theo, trailing a finger down his arm and smiling sweetly. “You know, I think you might actually be my favorite person tonight, Theo.”

His laugh was smooth, leaning closer to match your energy. “Glad to hear it. Though I can’t say that’s everyone’s opinion tonight.”

You knew who he was talking about but before you could answer, a familiar voice cut through the noise.

“Interesting, isn’t it?” Mattheo’s tone was laced with a mix of annoyance and a bit of jealousy as he looked between you and Theo, his jaw tight. “Didn’t know you’d be here, Theo.”

Theo just raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Hey, it’s a party, man. She invited me, didn’t she?”

You turned to Mattheo, one brow raised as you toyed with the rim of your glass, letting the tension settle thick around you. “Jealous, Riddle?”

His lips curved into a smirk, though his gaze was anything but amused. “Only if I thought there was anything real going on here.”

“Oh?” You leaned in closer, voice dropping, making sure only he could hear you. “Guess you should have stayed in my good graces, huh?”

A flicker of irritation crossed his face, but he didn’t back down. “Funny, coming from someone who used to be ‘sweet like an angel,’ as if you’d do anything for me.”

You shrugged, giving him a slow, infuriating smile. “I am still 'sweet like an angel', Mattheo. But I don’t waste that and my time on people who don’t deserve it, sweetheart. Besides, there are plenty of other guys who appreciate my attention. Like Theo here,” you added with a pointed look, making sure he caught your meaning.

His jaw tightened, his voice dropping lower as he took a step toward you, closing the distance between you. “You think this is funny? Trying to make me jealous?”

“Why would I care what you think?” You whispered, just close enough that he could feel the warmth of your breath against his skin. “Trust me, darling, I don’t give a fuck about you. Not anymore.”

There was a spark of something dark and hungry in his eyes as he leaned in even closer, his lips just barely grazing your ear. “Then why are you still here, talking to me?”

“Who says I’m here for you?” you countered, your voice all bite, but your heart was thudding as you took in every feature of his face. “You’re the one who keeps showing up, trying to ruin my fun.”

“Oh, is that what I’m doing?” he murmured, his voice dripping with sarcasm, but his hand lingered near yours, fingers almost touching. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re really over it.”

You clenched your jaw, refusing to let him see you falter. “I’m over you, Mattheo,” you whispered fiercely, lips brushing against his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

His eyes darkened, a wicked smirk twisting his lips as he looked at you, clearly unfazed. “You really want me to believe that?”

“Believe whatever you want,” you retorted, crossing your arms. “It’s not my problem if you’re still caught up on something that’s long gone. Just don’t expect me to sit around waiting for you to get it together.”

A dangerous glint sparked in his gaze, that familiar cockiness slipping back into place as he edged closer, eyes boring into yours. “You don’t waste time, huh? Right. So that’s why you’re here, standing in front of me, talking like you care about every word I’m saying.”

Your breath hitched for just a second before you steeled yourself, stepping back. “Don't mistake my nice for naïve, Riddle, I’m done. So unless you’re here to show me something real, you can find someone else to play your games with.”

He just stared at you, frustration flickering across his features as he tried to find the words. “Maybe I don’t know what to say. But maybe I’ll figure it out.”

For the first time that night, you let a little softness creep into your tone, though you didn’t let him see any hint of weakness. “Yeah? I guess we’ll see.”

You turned, disappearing back into the crowd, leaving him standing there, the mix of frustration and longing plain on his face.

The night dragged on, tension simmering between you and Mattheo like fire, every glance, every shared look, a new unspoken challenge.

Eventually, you stepped out into the night, the cool air biting at your skin. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering feeling of Mattheo’s words—and the way they still made your heart race.

You’d barely gotten two steps outside before you heard him again, his voice unmistakable. “Leaving so soon?”

You didn’t turn, knowing he was already close behind. “And if I am?”

He let out a low chuckle, the sound sending a thrill down your spine. “You don’t have to play coy with me. You and I both know there’s unfinished business.”

Turning slowly, you met his gaze, refusing to let him see the conflict raging inside you. “You keep talking, but I don’t see any actions, Mattheo. You don’t get to act like you care after all this time.”

He stepped forward, his face a perfect mask of intensity. “You’re right. I don’t deserve it. But I’m still here, aren’t I?”

The air between you was thick, every word charged with the weight of old feelings. You fought to keep your voice steady, refusing to give him any satisfaction. “Then maybe it’s time for you to stop waiting around. If you think you deserve my time, prove it.”

There was a flicker of determination in his eyes, his hands reaching out to cup your face. You froze, feeling every inch of distance between you vanish in an instant. He looked down at you, his voice low and hoarse. “Then let me prove it.”

The seconds dragged on, tension thick and consuming as he leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that was as intense as it was inevitable. You gave in, matching his fervour, the unresolved anger and passion spilling into each kiss, each lingering touch.

Finally, you broke away, breathless, heart pounding as you met his gaze with a knowing smirk. “Stay in my good graces, Mattheo. Or I’ll walk out of your life and never look back.”

His gaze softened, a smirk of his own tugging at the corners of his lips. “I don’t intend to mess this up again.”

For once, you let your guard down, allowing a touch of vulnerability to show as you looked up at him. “Good. Because I don’t give second chances.”

His fingers brushed a strand of hair from your face, his eyes warm and full of promise. “Then I guess I’ll just have to make it count.”

And for the first time, you felt like maybe, just maybe, he was ready to do exactly that.

[bandzboy]

i am just so tired absolutely TIRED of seeing stans, especially hybe stans, justifying groups being overworked when literally there are so many idols under this company alone right now they are injured and on break because they are being overworked and you want me to just see this and act normally when two idols from two different groups i stan are going through a hard time?? I AM NOT GONNA BE NORMAL this should enrage a lot of people BUT IT NEVER DOES or it does for a very small period of time and then the contents and music comes out and all of that goes out of the window and it's sickening that you have to beg people to care about idols' well being when that should be a given since you are their fan??

[sallymew4]

kids when they hear that their dad is back in town VS. kids when theyre hanging out with a conman that accidentally stole their wallet once

im not even joking btw

bonus heres me being crazy about them in dms ^^^

[crazylittlejester]

it’s starting to feel like the ‘Malo Mart’ kind of illness 💔

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

If ur not careful I might have to watch torchwood… do u recommend or is it an affliction you would not recommend to others?

hehehehehe >:3c gottem boys

no fr like. you have to look past the fact it's a low budget bbc production at times and embrace the slightly see through lesbian alien with foot long fingers that can read minds. you have to embrace the sex alien that absorbs people through her pussy. crucially, you have to watch it in as few sittings as possible. the only proper way to watch torchwood is to watch the entire thing absolutely nonstop and nothing else in between until your brain falls out through your ears :)

[alyimoss]

//vent

cursed with never knowing whats appropriate and what isnt in conversation. talked to a guy yesterday and he asked me a question abt one of my interests and i answered. and then he just. did not follow up. even tho i asked him smthn. and like id love to point it out but goddd damn. do i not want to cross boundaries

[palms-upturned]

.

[bloodenjoyer]

id probably make a better janitor than cashier though

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.