#it even made me mad and I'm never mad at anyone
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!!! THANK YOU!
I (Jimmy) am definitely very angry. Not all the time, but I do get very upset very quickly. It's a really big thing for me.
People who do that shit never stop to consider if I *want* to be angry. If maybe actually it's hurting me more than anyone else. Girl (gender neutral) I wasn't even mad at you until you made me like 😭😭 /lh /nay
BUT YEAH IDK. would be nice to not have to delete and re-type shit 1000 times over to make myself palatable. would be nice to be told that it's okay, i can be angry, nobody's going to take it personally.
^ ALSO GETTING BABIED OVER IT?? That shit SUUUUUCKS. I'm not a fucking child!!!!!! I'm not throwing a tantrum FUCK dude!!!
The compassion leaving people's bodies as soon as someone's mental illness gives them violent tendencies
#tagging for vamp#< ableism towards pw mental illness (especially when it makes them angry/violent)#not skeletons#not art#not dragons#yellow yaps
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Overheard a group of people shit talking on cats the other day. They said so many mean and downright wrong things but I didn't have the needed eloquence to defend cats.
#it even made me mad and I'm never mad at anyone#like you just misunderstand this animals#i wanted to shake them and tell them facts that prove them wrong i just hadn't had any facts at hand#mystuff
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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It was as they were walking to where the live music was that Leo realized something rather surprising: he liked touching Arjun. He hadn't quite realized just how often he did it, but now as they walked with Leo's arm around his friend, Leo realized how much more comfortable he was with his friend against him. Part of that was likely Leo's desire to keep Arjun safe, to take care of him, sure. But it was also at least somewhat because of how at peace touching Arjun made him feel. That was something Leo thought eventually he'd have to unpack, but for now he was just enjoying the moment with his friend, celebrating the best birthday he'd had in...well, as long as he could remember. Maybe 33 would be his year.
As they walked, Leo looked over at Arjun and smiled. His friend just made him happy in a way that still surprised Leo. He was never this free with anyone, but from the moment he met Arjun, things had felt different with him, better. And now Leo didn't know what he would do without him. He thought about the fact that he had kissed Arjun's cheek, thought about how he was affectionate with him in a way he wasn't with anyone else. Hell, he still had his arm around him even. That had to mean something, but of course that was another thing Leo filed away to unpack later. Instead Leo just enjoyed this moment, and he laughed when Arjun called him King Leonidas. "Yeah, I could definitely get used to that," Leo said with a huge grin on his face. "Actually I almost think we should stop before my head gets too big," he added. "It makes me feel kind of sexy." And the fact that Arjun was the one saying it made that even truer, another thing Leo put aside to analyze another day.
One thing was definitely true, whether or not it had been said in jest: Arjun was loyal. And in turn, Leo was loyal to his friend and always would be. "You're majestic in your own way, Spock," Leo said. "You're better than me." Leo was no longer smiling, though he wasn't sad by this admission either; it was just a fact. There was no way Leo could ever live up to Arjun, who was so full of light. Even if he brought that side out of Leo sometimes, the fact was that Leo was all shadows while Arjun was the sun. They were at the live music now, and Leo argued, "You're not hopeless, at least not anymore than I am. I think you're overestimating my dancing ability." He'd see though, a thought that made Leo laugh.
When Arjun put his arms around him, Leo did the same, careful to support his friend while still giving him enough free rein to move and dance. They couldn't move as fast as the others around them, but that was okay. Leo didn't care about them anyway, focused solely on Arjun. The pair danced together, Leo's arms around Arjun, smiling at him. "Yeah, as much as I like 'your majesty,' it's going to my head, and I don't think you want that any bigger. I do like hearing you call me that though, so...I guess it depends if you think my growing arrogance is worth it." As they danced, Leo just looked back at Arjun, so full of happiness to be spending his birthday with him. "I'm really glad we met, Arjun," Leo told his friend. "When I first saw you, I just thought, 'Oh, there's a hot guy, maybe we can go back to my place later and then never talk again.' But here we are dancing together. Funny how things work out sometimes." Leo was glad things hadn't gone the way he expected, though he wouldn't have been mad about going back to his place with Arjun that first night. But if they never talked again, then he'd have missed out on such a special bond.
Arjun’s gaze lingered on Leo’s arm around him, feeling the closeness settle into his bones, warm and grounding. For once, the pain that usually was at a rolling boil in his leg and hip felt quieter, less sharp in Leo’s presence, as if his body wanted this moment to last as long as it could. Fiver trotted steadily at his side, and Arjun reached down, giving his old friend a fond scratch behind the ears. It hit him hard, though—that soon Fiver would retire, and he'd have to adjust to a new companion. This transition felt huge, something he hadn’t shared with Leo yet, though he knew he’d have to. Leo loved Fiver as much as he did, and Arjun was already bracing himself for the inevitable ache of not having Fiver at his side all day - but he wanted Fiver to enjoy his retirement, and he wasn't being rehomed, he was going to be with Arjun still...
Arjun just ... had to work out how to make sure Fiver enjoyed retirement.
But tonight… tonight was about being with Leo and since Arjun was feeling better than he had in years, he didn't want to burden either of them with heavier thoughts. He knew that Leo was something rare, someone who could coax him out of his own head and make him laugh, make him feel like he wasn’t just a cripple, or the odd guy who spent too much time hunting ghosts... and that kiss on his cheek—it was still there, somehow, like a phantom warmth that left him both thrilled and unsteady.
“Alright, King Leonidas,” Arjun said, trying to muster his usual playful tone, “let’s see what you’ve got. Lead your loyal Vulcan into battle. I’ll try to keep up with you, but fair warning—if I step on your feet, I take no responsibility.” He chuckled, feeling that easy laughter bubbling up from deep inside. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t quite live up to ‘majestic’ like you. Not everyone can be royalty.”
They arrived at the sound stage, the night just cold enough to make their breath fog in the evening air. There were people sitting and listening, bundled together under blankets, other people dancing together. The music picked up, and he shifted his weight onto his good leg, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves tangle in his chest. "But don’t go easy on me. Even if I’m hopeless, I think I can handle a few twirls if you’re the one leading.”
He felt that rare sense of ease settle in as Leo grinned at him, like tonight was just for them. Arjun couldn't break out crazy moves, but he could sway easy enough, and with Fiver's leash loose in his grasp, he reached for Leo so he could wrap his arms around his waist. "You lead, I'll follow - your majesty."
#I think he said the thing about when they met once but can't remember and didn't want to look through old threads#so let's pretend he either didn't or is tipsy enough to have forgotten#interaction*#interactions: leo#leo & arjun
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Chika SSR #1197 and SR #2242 [Transparent, Edited/Extended] ※ Credit is appreciated but not required.
#WOW okay i am never drawing/editing an anime girl's feet again#this was hell and for What. just because the original artists cropped out the tip of her shoe. Cringeeee#tbf the transparency of the glass was a large part of what made it hard#and it's not like i'm that bad at editing at lower opacities it's just that like. sif artstyle is so pixely and ooughgughgjgh#Okay enough rambling... ruining my mysterious personality. tags uhhh#takami chika#love live#llsif#aqours#edited#transparent#i do not have a mysterious personality Who am i kidding. i ramble in tags too much to keep up the facade of guy who only posts transparents#shit i think this is my first love live post on this blog. took me this long for the namesake to show up#and it's not even lily white!!!! Love you tho chika. so good so precious#literally angel....#Oh my god okay i've replaced the 2nd image on this post 3 times now before anyone's reblogged or anything and it's still mega ass if you#look too close. Fuck fuck fuck fuck#Whatever i dont care. fukcinguingngn Tkamaichika (sorry no i love her. sory chika#If anyone is curious as to what i did. i made it so she has her entire foot/shoe in all of them and i took out the strings in the idolizeds#very subtle things but i'm mad i had to be the one to do them#this was originally just angel chika idlz but then i got carried away#last one was pretty easy at least. no toes
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i'm so glad i won't be working with my pi after this month. i think i've reached my limit. i just can't deal with her anymore
#she said 'oh idk if i can make it to your thesis'#SHE IS ON MY THESIS COMMITTEE. SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR A YEARRRRRR#she said she might be on vacation w her bf... instead of going to my fucking thesis defense.#there was a special vote just so she could be on my committee. wdym you have to go on vacation#ALSO i've been asking her to check my calculations for a thing for MONTHS#and she still hasn't. but she made me present on it in front of a bunch of people.#i'd like to note that this calculation is like. the point of my thesis. and she hasn't even bothered to look at it#she forced the interns to work 50 hours last week. they're only being paid for 40.#she hasn't read any part of my thesis... others have but they don't know the details like she does#i told her to read my fucking thesis and she said she had and that it 'looked good'#what does that mean. WHAT does that mean. how do you have no comments. on my thesis. that determines whether i graduate#and then she said i'm ''irresponsible'' bc i went to a concert???#like it didn't affect anything. i showed up to work on time. i completed everything i meant to.#but i guess going to one concert is like. unacceptable.#i'm sooooo sorry i decided to go have fun for one night instead of agonizing about my thesis (that again. she hasn't read)#she asked if i want to give a talk at the new place she got hired at but she now works for fus#which is a incredibly conservative homophobic private catholic university. i've never heard anything positive about it#like they're legally allowed to discriminate against lgbt people... does she know what i fucking look like????#she's so so conservative but she only interacts with other conservative catholics#and doesn't understand how fucking vile her views are. and she wonders why people don't like her#like maybe she should shut the fuck up about how she thinks abortion is a sin at work!!#she once said 'the only time i feel uncomfortable in my skin is when i talk about being a conservative catholic at work'#AND THEN SHE SAID 'it really makes me understand how hijabis feel'#IN FRONT OF MY HIJABI COLLEAGUE. HELLO???? like she is not persecuted for being a conservative catholic#i literally started laughing when she said that. i think i said 'please get real'. and she's still mad#anyway. my colleague decided to no longer work with my pi. idk if it was bc of that comment#she mentioned that once i leave there won't be anyone who understands the data on the project anymore#like yeah. maybe you should've looked at the data. like at all#and not had an unpaid master's student do literally all the work for you
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just got told by my mother that all of us have "incredibly gourmet" tastes because she saw me putting three pads of butter and a single cube of dill cheddar on a microwaved potato
she then went into a rant about how when she was my age we didn't have all these "fancy things like cocoa powder" (i was not using any cocoa powder)
this is the woman who constantly complains about how she shouldn't be eating every single goddamned thing under the sun and how we don't care about her and are trying to kill her (the fact that there is literally not a single place that sells anything but pizza and burgers around here for more than an hour in every direction and WE don't exactly like that state of affairs either seems lost on her), and every time i've ever attempted to come up with a list of things she might be able to have i've just gotten screamed at and accused of being selfish(????). she also has absolutely zero respect for our diabetes and once even told me i'm a spoiled princess that expects the world to kowtow to my will because i told her i can't eat a hypothetical dinner comprising entirely of a pile of cooked sweet potatoes) and functionally refuses to eat basically anything at all other than lobster, ice cream, and homemade rare steak, because everything else is "killing her" and she "shouldn't be eating that on doctor's orders" (she hasn't spoken to a doctor in years for anything other than covid). meanwhile she genuinely expects us to live on plain cooked noodles with a can of cold unseasoned tomato sauce on top and consistently gets pissy about gluttony if we so much as add cheese, and the only reason she isn't forcing us to eat that every damn day anymore is because we started refusing to eat it. she acts like she's deathly allergic(or more accurately she insists her ibs is so bad everything short of plain chicken will make her shit herself to death) to every single spice and the concept of flavor itself to the point that she literally acts like she'll die if a single flake of paprika, which she thinks is spicy, gets on her food and lately has been getting iffy even about garlic powder, and genuinely expects all of the rest of us to live like that too because she thinks quite literally more than about three leaves of oregano and two pads of butter per entire batch of chicken breasts is Wasteful Excess And Gluttony
#when i was younger she also used to constantly tell me not to “pig out” every single time she saw me snack on literally anything at all#something she has never said to my dad even though he's the one who regularly eats an entire half of a family sized bag of chips in one go#or my sister who lives entirely on weird experimental mug cakes made with nutmeg#she DOES complain constantly about the waste of my sister's mug cake habit. it's just that she conspicuously never seems to complain#about it to anyone other than me. so I'M the one that gets constantly ranted at and berated for it even when she's mad at other people.#so my sister uses a bunch of cocoa powder and I'M the one that has to listen to the bitching about it as if it's my fault#every goddamned time#it feels like my only purpose for existing is to get ritually punished for everything everyone does#because she NEVER rants at my sister about things she does she doesn't like anywhere nearly as much as she rants and raves at me#about my sister and anyone else doing things she doesn't like#i'm literally here just to be her captive hostage fucking therapist slave for her grievances against everyone and everything
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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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#it's 1am and the first time I've had time to think about him in a few days and I'm just wishing i was a better person#i liked the fantasy of it and i liked the attention and i liked how he made me feel. but there's no denying we were bad for each other.#even in the weeks he came back I was totally scattered trying to prioritize him over everything else#waiting for him when i had no right to. he did me a service by cutting the cord.#i would have spent forever looking over my shoulder wanting him to show up.#and i can't give that emotional labor to anyone else. I'm sorry if I'm blowing you off but i don't have the capacity for shared intimacy.#don't get mad at me for not reciprocating when you know i don't have room for you. I never claimed to.#i like how dudes think if they're my shoulder to cry on they can slide right in. that's not how it works sorry not sorry#personal#I wonder if you think about me.#🍑
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y'know it sucks way more as a neurodivergent person to be shunned by other neurodivergent people because you weren't neurodivergent in a way they were comfortable with.
like it sucks being told by neuodiverse people that you thought were friends that one of the reason they ended up hating you for 3 years was because you're not autistic and thus didn't react the correct way to them without them telling you for those 3 years that they were upset with that at all.
#text#personal#dares diary#I thought they would've understood our communication was different since i'm ADHD.#they acted like they understood#I didn't think i was ever rude i listened to their info dumps and rambles#i just stuggled to remember what they said sometimes and i didnt know how to respond to things because i was more just listening#was i supposed to ask questions or something? i have no idea#i didn't know there were rules that I wasn't following and that they were mad at me for not doing so#not until it was left in along list of things they vaguely mentioned of me doing wrong over the course of 3 years#that they never brought up in those three years#idk it makes it hard to even make friends with neurodivergent ppl i guess now#because it feels like nothing i do will be understood and accepted by anyone#ngl really feels like im not made for life
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Wow haha
Life really is so much better when you block stuff you don't like and don't need to worry about
Coming across fandom interpretations and au's that give me the ick and with a simple press of a button i don't have to see it
No worries
It's great
You're allowed your opinion, it can be as wrong and terrible or just off cuff as you want, I'm just gonna block it because I don't like it
I don't even gotta say shit to them either and they won't ever really know
I go back to having fun and forget about it
YAHOO
#fiden rants#gender stereotype reinforcement??? in MY twst feed??? it's more likely than you think 🫠🙃#anyways i high key don't give a fuck I'm just yapping and it's just new blog problems so new algorithm that shows stuff i normally don't see#ah well#like damn can't i have a canonically gender nonconforming man in peace???#let me live#no big deal it's just that any fandom that is idiotic with genderfuckery in canon makes me a mad because I'm already slapped in the face by#actual IRL transphobia and bigotry and it sucks when you see some type of non-cis rep in media and people don't know how to act#like way to go fuckers!! y'all did it!!!#y'all made him boring as shit AND fucked up what made him interesting AND nerfed representation AND ignored his characterization and motives#way to go dipshits#sometimes it's not even that big of a deal.#sometimes it's just someone “genderbending” them. but they end up doing it to the nonbinary or the non conforming#and it's like ?????? they... they weren't even the gender?????#and it's never in a actual interesting and analytical way that actual takes into account gender versus perception and body#genderbend is just switching up gender but gender itself is irrelevant to the body#so it would affect how the fucker would dress and look in a gender bend of the char also takes into account their body when dressing#ex: someone buff who feels self-conscious about it so dresses to look smaller would genderbend into someone small who dresses to look bigger#but yeah that doesn't happen#and it just reeks of stereotype half the time#but also i know that this is just someone's fan stuff. and that's okay. i don't have to like it and they don't have to cater to anyone.#i just block it and move on#it just sucks cause it FEELS like it happens the most to the gender non conforming ones and the non cis ones...#like way to go... you inserted straightness and conforming stereotypes into my canonically queer non cis characters...#like there's a shit ton of straight cis characters. go play with them. go with them and do that.#i don't see why you gotta do it to the few canonically queer rep characters...#i know folks do different au's for the canonically straight ones but I'm used to that because there used to be nothing.#like legit there was nothing and there couldn't be anything like that due to rules and stuff.... so folks made do because they wanted rep#idk it just hits harder when you're trying to escape and you already get blasted with offline real life bigotry and queerphobia#yeah ...
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average United States contains 1000s of pet tigers in backyards" factoid actualy [sic] just statistical error. average person has 0 tigers on property. Activist Georg, who lives the U.S. Capitol & makes up over 10,000 each day, has purposefully been spreading disinformation adn [sic] should not have been counted
I have a big mad today, folks. It's a really frustrating one, because years worth of work has been validated... but the reason for that fucking sucks.
For almost a decade, I've been trying to fact-check the claim that there "are 10,000 to 20,000 pet tigers/big cats in backyards in the United States." I talked to zoo, sanctuary, and private cat people; I looked at legislation, regulation, attack/death/escape incident rates; I read everything I could get my hands on. None of it made sense. None of it lined up. I couldn't find data supporting anything like the population of pet cats being alleged to exist. Some of you might remember the series I published on those findings from 2018 or so under the hashtag #CrouchingTigerHiddenData. I've continued to work on it in the six years since, including publishing a peer reviewed study that counted all the non-pet big cats in the US (because even though they're regulated, apparently nobody bothered to keep track of those either).
I spent years of my life obsessing over that statistic because it was being used to push for new federal legislation that, while well intentioned, contained language that would, and has, created real problems for ethical facilities that have big cats. I wrote a comprehensive - 35 page! - analysis of the issues with the then-current version of the Big Cat Public Safety Act in 2020. When the bill was first introduced to Congress in 2013, a lot of groups promoted it by fear mongering: there's so many pet tigers! they could be hidden around every corner! they could escape and attack you! they could come out of nowhere and eat your children!! Tiger King exposed the masses to the idea of "thousands of abused backyard big cats": as a result the messaging around the bill shifted to being welfare-focused, and the law passed in 2022.
The Big Cat Public Safety Act created a registry, and anyone who owned a private cat and wanted to keep it had to join. If they did, they could keep the animal until it passed, as long as they followed certain strictures (no getting more, no public contact, etc). Don’t register and get caught? Cat is seized and major punishment for you. Registering is therefore highly incentivized. That registry closed in June of 2023, and you can now get that registration data via a Freedom of Information Act request.
Guess how many pet big cats were registered in the whole country?
97.
Not tens of thousands. Not thousands. Not even triple digits. 97.
And that isn't even the right number! Ten USDA licensed facilities registered erroneously. That accounts for 55 of 97 animals. Which leaves us with 42 pet big cats, of all species, in the entire country.
Now, I know that not everyone may have registered. There's probably someone living deep in the woods somewhere with their illegal pet cougar, and there's been at least one random person in Texas arrested for trying to sell a cub since the law passed. But - and here's the big thing - even if there are ten times as many hidden cats than people who registered them - that's nowhere near ten thousand animals. Obviously, I had some questions.
Guess what? Turns out, this is because it was never real. That huge number never had data behind it, wasn't likely to be accurate, and the advocacy groups using that statistic to fearmonger and drive their agenda knew it... and didn't see a problem with that.
Allow me to introduce you to an article published last week.
This article is good. (Full disclose, I'm quoted in it). It's comprehensive and fairly written, and they did their due diligence reporting and fact-checking the piece. They talked to a lot of people on all sides of the story.
But thing that really gets me?
Multiple representatives from major advocacy organizations who worked on the Big Cat Publix Safety Act told the reporter that they knew the statistics they were quoting weren't real. And that they don't care. The end justifies the means, the good guys won over the bad guys, that's just how lobbying works after all. They're so blase about it, it makes my stomach hurt. Let me pull some excerpts from the quotes.
"Whatever the true number, nearly everyone in the debate acknowledges a disparity between the actual census and the figures cited by lawmakers. “The 20,000 number is not real,” said Bill Nimmo, founder of Tigers in America. (...) For his part, Nimmo at Tigers in America sees the exaggerated figure as part of the political process. Prior to the passage of the bill, he said, businesses that exhibited and bred big cats juiced the numbers, too. (...) “I’m not justifying the hyperbolic 20,000,” Nimmo said. “In the world of comparing hyperbole, the good guys won this one.”
"Michelle Sinnott, director and counsel for captive animal law enforcement at the PETA Foundation, emphasized that the law accomplished what it was set out to do. (...) Specific numbers are not what really matter, she said: “Whether there’s one big cat in a private home or whether there’s 10,000 big cats in a private home, the underlying problem of industry is still there.”"
I have no problem with a law ending the private ownership of big cats, and with ending cub petting practices. What I do have a problem with is that these organizations purposefully spread disinformation for years in order to push for it. By their own admission, they repeatedly and intentionally promoted false statistics within Congress. For a decade.
No wonder it never made sense. No wonder no matter where I looked, I couldn't figure out how any of these groups got those numbers, why there was never any data to back any of the claims up, why everything I learned seemed to actively contradict it. It was never real. These people decided the truth didn't matter. They knew they had no proof, couldn't verify their shocking numbers... and they decided that was fine, if it achieved the end they wanted.
So members of the public - probably like you, reading this - and legislators who care about big cats and want to see legislation exist to protect them? They got played, got fed false information through a TV show designed to tug at heartstrings, and it got a law through Congress that's causing real problems for ethical captive big cat management. The 20,000 pet cat number was too sexy - too much of a crisis - for anyone to want to look past it and check that the language of the law wouldn't mess things up up for good zoos and sanctuaries. Whoops! At least the "bad guys" lost, right? (The problems are covered somewhat in the article linked, and I'll go into more details in a future post. You can also read my analysis from 2020, linked up top.)
Now, I know. Something something something facts don't matter this much in our post-truth era, stop caring so much, that's just how politics work, etc. I’m sorry, but no. Absolutely not.
Laws that will impact the welfare of living animals must be crafted carefully, thoughtfully, and precisely in order to ensure they achieve their goals without accidental negative impacts. We have a duty of care to ensure that. And in this case, the law also impacts reservoir populations for critically endangered species! We can't get those back if we mess them up. So maybe, just maybe, if legislators hadn't been so focused on all those alleged pet cats, the bill could have been written narrowly and precisely.
But the minutiae of regulatory impacts aren't sexy, and tiger abuse and TV shows about terrible people are. We all got misled, and now we're here, and the animals in good facilities are already paying for it.
I don't have a conclusion. I'm just mad. The public deserves to know the truth about animal legislation they're voting for, and I hope we all call on our legislators in the future to be far more critical of the data they get fed.
#big cats#tiger king#my research#news#big cat public safety act#animal welfare#big cat welfare#legislation and regulation#vent post#long post#crouchingtigerhiddendata#more on the problems with the bill in the future
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NOOOOOOOOOOO
Tsunade: Fully believes in Narutos abilities and has full faith he will be a great Hokage, the best, even.
Konoha public: "Hey what if we made Naruto the sixth Hokage :3"
Tsunade: "what the FUCK are you talking about I watched him cry over a picture of Sasuke yesterday he is NOT prepared for that yet make Kakashi do it"
#LET THE BOYS BE BOYS#STOP SHIPPING THEM#LET THEM RECOVER FROM THEIR TRAUMA FIRST PLEASE‼️‼️‼️ THEY ARENT READY FOR LOVE TILL THEY LOVE THEMSELVES‼️‼️#I should have known not everyone would see them as silly brothers#Should have made it like a kitten or something and not Sasuke#Sigh I've reaped what I sewed#Sometimes I gen forget that like 50% of the fandom ships sns...#This must be what the non NaruMitsu shippers feel in the Ace attorney fandom...#Am I... my own worst enemy...?#Okay but like tbf Edgeworth and Phoenix are literally just like that#Sasuke and Naruto are just a little co-dependant and a lot a lot obsessive#See I want to fist fight the sns shippers but its so hard bc I like get it. like ik that I personally wud go that far for a friend but like#Like i can't even go “Hey ur interpreting that wrong” bc like who am I do judge how ppl interpret things that i didn't write#Like Ik that that's not how Kishimoto meant it but I hate beating on ppls ships bc like ship who you want when u want just bc like#I don't personally don't like it doesn't mean anyone should stop for me like who the hell even am I??#BUT I DID WRITE THIS POST AND I SAY ITS NOT SNS#But hey just for fun let's say it's SuiSasu#Hmmmmm and maybe it's Naruto x Toneri#Maybe it's Tobirama x Izuna??#We'll never know#BUT WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT ITS NOT SNS#Sigh i can't wait till I get over my grudge on sns#Life will be so much happier#Idek why It makes me so angry#God's pls hear my plea and let me make peace with this ship#Like no other naruto ship makes me mad except for this one#I'm even okay with SasuHina and like ShiSaku#Like I don't like them but I'm at peace#WHY am I not at peace with the most popular ship in the fandom this is so unfair#somebody undo this curse on me pleaseeeee
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COFFEE!
“I think I'm past obsessed at this point, there has to be another word in the dictionary that tops obsessed.”
Synopsis: in which a hopeless romantic falls in love with the man of her dreams…
Pairings: boyfriend!jeongguk x fem!reader
Genre: established relationship.. non idol au
Warnings: literally the most sappy thing I could have possibly written, was listening to ‘coffee’ by miguel while writing, they’re such a gentle love, reader is a book worm, Jungkook likes drawing (doodling) plus points when his drawings are about oc, mentions of their first time having sex, usage of book quotes (read nltm, had to use the mia and sebastian line for my own sanity) <3333333
authors note: this is so simple but my book worm hopeless romantic needed this.. wrote this while high so nothing new 🤍
They say falling in love is the most beautiful feeling in the world.
You couldn’t explain the immediate sensation, the feeling that spreads throughout your chest as if you were a black-and-white picture that suddenly starts to fill with vibrant colors anytime his eyes lock with yours.
It was astonishing how the universe works—the idea that you are destined for someone ever since you are born, and that all the hardships along the way shape you into the person you need to be to meet them.
Your heartbeat thumped loudly in your ears as you watched him laugh from across the room, an oversized hoodie and baggy jeans covering his lean, muscular figure—one you’d memorized to the tiniest detail. You knew every freckle and scar. His head was thrown back, arms crossed, as he paid attention to whatever the guy in front of him was saying.
You scrunched your nose, using your index finger to push your glasses up as you studied your boyfriend from afar. You weren’t sure whether to call it pathetic or endearing, the way you noticed every little crease on his forehead and the way he toyed with his bottom lip absentmindedly. You even took note of his long eyelashes, and nearly died of jealousy every time you counted them when he slept beside you.
It was gut-wrenching to imagine anyone else feeling about him the way you did. The thought alone made you want to puke in the nearest trash can.
You were lovesick for this man, and you could already feel the heat rising to your cheeks whenever you looked at him or heard his laugh. Not only did you want to scream and freak out over every little thing he did, but he also had you daydreaming constantly. You found yourself thinking of silly song lyrics that resonated with how you felt about him. Staring at his side profile, you finally understood the meaning behind Suki Waterhouse’s lyrics: “Oh, my good looking boy,” echoed in your mind.
Before you could form another lyric or recall a favorite book quote to describe your feelings, his eyes found yours. A small smile tugged at his lips as his gaze scanned your expressions, reading you as if you were an open book. You smiled, tilting your head to the side, trying to hide the makeshift fireworks going off in your tummy.
His gaze softened, and it made your breath waver. You had never understood the meaning of “his gaze softened” in books, but now, you understood every syllable of those words after experiencing it firsthand.
You honestly couldn’t think of a single thing you didn’t love about him. You loved everything about him, even the parts he claimed were too “broken” or “damaged” to be loved.
A few seconds passed before he finally said his goodbyes and began making his way back to you. Your eyes followed every step, catching the grin he wore.
“I don’t know, I pretty much think you’re obsessed with me,” your boyfriend teased, his straight teeth on full display as he stopped in front of you, looking down at you on the couch.
“In your dreams.” You laughed, craning your neck to look up at him.
Instead of getting mad, he let out a low chuckle, leaning down with both arms on either side of the couch, caging you in.
“Every night, baby.” He whispered softly, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips before moving to your cheek, delivering another soft kiss. You sighed in contentment as his lips ghosted over your skin, the pet name making your head feel dizzy.
He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before standing up straight again, looking down at you. Your eyelids felt heavy as you looked up at him through your lashes. He was already smiling, and you didn’t even need to ask “what?”—you already knew. Anyone in their right mind could tell how obsessed you were with him, and it was no surprise to him either.
As you both walked out of the bookstore, carrying a bag full of psychological and romance books (and, of course, the box of transparent sticky notes Jungkook got for you to annotate your books without writing on the actual pages), it was clear this was one of his favorite things to do. In his free time, when he wasn’t working or with you, he loved opening one of your books and reading your thoughts scribbled in the margins. Half of his camera roll was pictures of you, but the other half was just pictures of your annotations, scribbles, and drawings.
It was as if he was inside your mind, reading every thought, and he loved it.
He could still recall the first book he opened that sent his heart racing, like a teenage boy with a crush.
“I couldn’t see him, but his laugh was unmistakable. I could close my eyes and be in so many places with that laugh. That laugh was the cohesive thread, the little recurring melody that showed up in so many scenes of my life, like Mia and Sebastian’s theme in La La Land. Always there, playing in the background.”
Those words were highlighted in the prettiest shade of pink, with two small hearts drawn beside them. But it was your handwriting at the bottom that got him: “The feeling I’ve been trying to put into words about how I feel every time I look at him has just been done for me, oh my.” He remembered feeling his heart stop for a second. And when it started again, it was for you—his heart was for you and only you.
That wasn’t all. It had become one of your shared love languages. Jungkook started buying books he thought you’d like. He even asked your little sister what your favorite highlighters were so he could buy them for both of you.
Your heart did somersaults when you opened a book on his bedside table and saw a drawing—a pair of eyes in black ink, long lashes making them look bigger and more innocent. Your breath hitched as you noticed the small freckle just below the eyebrow, realizing it was you.
It didn’t help the overwhelming sensation of adoration when you saw his handwriting in the margins.
“You remembered?” she said softly.
“I remember every second of us.”
The text was underlined, and in small letters, he had written, “Gosh, she made me fall so hard that I’m reading sappy words and thinking ‘us’ out loud. #sendhelp,” with a frowning emoji next to the hashtag. Before you knew it, you were on page one, reading every single line and note he had left.
Also, the multiple drawings on the pages where there was extra space had your heart thumping hard in your chest. There were so many drawings— each one tied to you or him. It was impossible to describe every feeling surging through your chest, every emotion racing in your bloodstream, as your fingertips traced the drawing of you.
This time, it was an image of you on your back, lying on a bed. Only part of your side profile was visible, with your hair spilling across the bed, covering most of your back. At first, you didn't want to assume it was you he'd drawn-being self-centered wasn't your style. But it was impossible to deny it when he'd sketched every freckle, even the small half-moon tattoo on your shoulder blade, matching the real one inked on your skin.
You smiled at the memory but snapped back to the present as your boyfriend instinctively switched you to the other side of the sidewalk when you two turned toward Target. You held tight to his index finger as he squeezed between people, leading you behind him with a soft "excuse me" to anyone in the way.
Automatically, you found yourself smiling as you picked up your pace to match his longer strides. He pulled you in closer, his arm snaking around your waist, his hand resting over your belly—a little lower than usual, sending butterflies flitting wildly in your stomach. You suppressed a shiver as he gently guided you to the side, allowing an older couple to pass by.
"Us when we're eighty, baby," Jungkook leaned down and whispered into your ear, making you playfully roll your eyes at him. His smile only widened at your reaction.
"Won't be us if you keep watching Young Sheldon without me," you pouted, giving him a playful glare, which only made him smile more.
"Why are you smiling?" you asked, maybe even whining a little as you walked into the store and heard the employee greet you both.
"Because you're so beautiful, and my brain goes in circles when I stare at you," he shrugged casually, giving your waist a small squeeze before untangling his arm to grab a cart.
You tried so hard not to melt, holding onto his bicep as he leaned forward on the cart, making him closer to your height.
"Don't know it you're down, but l've been wanting to learn how to crochet," you said as you glanced around the aisles. Your boyfriend immediately started nodding excitedly.
"Baby, oh my god. I'm so down. We need to make those big-ass blankets," he rambled, looking at your face for a reaction, like a puppy with its ears perked up and tail wagging.
"I think that's knitting, baby," you corrected him, smiling as his eyebrows raised before he let out a small laugh.
"Wait, are those two not the same thing?" His dimple deepened as he bit his lower lip, stopping in front of the craft aisle.
"I actually have no clue," you admitted with a chuckle, raising an eyebrow. "But I know you can crochet a blanket because you once told me about those pattern blocks you saw on your explore page.”
Jungkook's gaze softened as he made eye contact with you, his pupils dilated with so much adoration that it made your heart swell.
"And I remember because I searched them on TikTok to see what you were talking about. I saw people connecting them into blankets. Also, I remember you pretending to sleep so you didn't have to scratch my back anymore-before my one minute was up. You swear you're slick, but I know when you're really asleep," he said with a grin, teasingly biting your cheek as you tried not to smile.
"How do you know I'm not sleeping?" you teased, and he chuckled, ghosting his lips over yours.
"Because every time you fall asleep, you make this little sound, and then slowly, you start snoring," he laughed, watching your cheeks turn a shade of red before burying his laughing face in the crook of your neck.
To be loved is to be seen.
That phrase had never felt more accurate. No one else had ever seen you the way Jungkook did. He knew you so well, down to the tiniest details that sometimes even surprised you.
Your eyes practically turned into hearts as Jungkook kissed your neck innocently before turning his attention to the yarns.
This was the kind of love you had always dreamed of
-better than the movies or books. Nothing could top the overwhelming feelings of gratitude, love, and appreciation that coursed through your body whenever you looked at him. Your brain practically played the instrumental of "Video Games" by Lana Del Rey whenever you spent time with him.
It was as if even a natural disaster couldn't faze you
-so long as you could experience it with him.
The connection between you two was beyond what you ever imagined existed in real life. It felt like something out of a fairy tale. From the moment you locked eyes with him across the room, you both knew there was no turning back.
After checking out and getting to Jungkook's car, he opened the door for you, reaching over to buckle your seatbelt before putting the bags in the back.
Once he climbed into the driver's seat, his hand instinctively found its place on your thigh after starting the car. His thumb rubbed your bare skin, sending sparks flying through your body. It was such a natural gesture for him, but the butterflies never ceased. You bit your lip, trying not to whine when his hand moved closer to your inner thigh.
As he softly sang along to "Creep" by Radiohead, it was just another thing you'd become morally obsessed with-his voice. You had always known he could sing, but everything changed the night you were first intimate.
It was as if your entire perspective on love and sex shifted. Simply calling it "sex" seemed absurd now, because it was so much more. Everything felt heightened, more intense, making your heart pound wildly in your chest.
"F-fuck, baby..." he whimpered into your ear, his hips moving slowly into yours, leaving your mouth hanging open.
His little groans and moans made you dizzy, like notes of a lullaby. The feeling of skin against skin was the most addicting sensation, made even more special by the way he always checked in on you.
"Shhh, I'm sorry. Am I being too rough, baby?" His voice was strained as his hips halted, his breath heavy as he moved your hair to kiss your neck.
He resumed slowly, making your legs shake and grip the sheets, and you couldn't help but moan, asking for more. His chuckle against your skin was the same one you’d hear when he rested his head on your stomach, expecting you to scratch his back or read to him.
"You're sweaty," you pouted at him, both of you basking in the afterglow.
"I know. Do you still want me?" He smiled, mimicking your expression before pulling the covers over both your naked bodies and pulling you in as close as possible.
"Yes, I'll forever want you," you replied, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, savoring the warmth he radiated.
As sleepiness began to overtake you, you felt his fingertips tracing letters and shapes on your hip.
Just before drifting off, he began singing again. It was like entering another universe where only you and he existed
"I want you to notice," he sang softly, "when I'm not around."
"So fucking special... I wish I was special." He pressed a kiss to your temple, the sound of his voice and your matching heartbeats lulling you both to sleep.
You snapped back to reality when the car stopped at a red light.
"Is it bad that I always hope to get red lights so I can kiss you?" he asked, flashing a grin that had you laughing.
Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his as his eyes fluttered shut, his finger lifting your chin gently.
"Not bad, but a little weird. You want to spend so much time with me," you teased, pulling back to your seat. "Some might even think you're pretty obsessed."
"I'm past obsessed at this point. There's got to be another word that tops it," he admitted, stealing another kiss just before the light turned green.
As you gazed at him, you couldn't help but wish there was another word, stronger than "love," to describe how you felt about him.
#jungkook drabble#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook imagine#jungkook smut#jeongguk x reader#jeon jk#jeongguk fic#jeongguk smut#jeongguk#jeon jungkook#jeon jungguk#jeon jeongguk#bts jungkook#bts fanfic#jungkook#jungkook x reader#jjk#fluff#jjk fluff#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jk fanfic#jk smut#bts jk#bangtan fluff#bts fanfction#bts fluff
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I'm Sorry
lando norris x fem reader
summary: A moment of frustration made Lando react the way you never thought he would, and boy, would he regret it. (1.6k words)
warnings: angst, swearing, argument, mean lando, fluffy ending
a/n: ok so for this, i decided to go back to Baku and put the quali result in a totally different perspective than my last fic. i guess i kinda like it but i'm not very good at describing arguments 😭 anyway pls let me know what you think!!
ALSO i have an announcement to make and i'm really excited for it :)
check out the original request here!
↺ back to navigation — send me a request!
The qualifying this weekend was an absolute mess, to say the least. Lando was hard on himself no matter the result he got. Even if it was good, he would always find something to criticise himself, but P17? Everyone was in for a treat, you thought.
The worst part is that it wasn’t even his fault; it was a stupid mistake by the marshals, and he was not to blame for it. A yellow flag interrupted his lap, and he was immediately kicked out in Q1.
Seeing the first qualifying session being over with his name in red was not something anyone wanted to see, especially not him, and now that every point was essential, you knew it crushed him.
He came back to the garage to see the rest of the qualifying with his team, and as soon as he got out of the car, you saw how frustrated he was. You understood him, of course, it sucked that this is how the weekend was going, but you would be there for him no matter what.
Once Lando took off his helmet, he headed straight to his driver’s room, and he didn’t even look at you when he walked past. That meant he wanted to be alone, but oh silly you, you decided to follow him.
He let out a loud sight when he heard the door open and close behind him, not really in the mood to hear what you had to say. He knew for a fact you were going to tell him he did well and it wasn’t his fault, which he greatly appreciated, but right now, he just wanted to suffer in peace.
“Baby?” You called him out, just testing the waters, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he hummed in annoyance. “I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but-”
“You are right, I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupted you, not even turning around to face you. He placed his hands on the desk and leaned into it, taking a deep breath.
That should have been your cue to leave the small room and leave him alone, but for some reason you didn’t. “Lando, don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m sure things will be better tomorrow. We all know what you can do and you still have the race-“
“This is MY job, Y/N. I probably know better than you do,” he snapped, raising his voice and finally turning around. “This is what I’m fighting for, we all are. Do you know what’s at stake here? I finally have the chance to compete for a championship, and I just blew it.”
To say you were astonished was an understatement; this was the first time he ever snapped at you that way and you didn’t know how to react. “I’m sorry, I just-”
“Every point counts, and not even starting in the top 10 tomorrow- fuck, not even top 15, there is not much I can do.” Now, he looked more mad at you than frustrated at himself, and that crushed you. “I came here to be alone for a bit, I was hoping you would at least respect that." You stayed silent, knowing a single sound would make you cry, and you didn’t want to piss him off more than he already was. “I know you are trying to help, but you are not, you can’t.”
You just stared at him, tears threatening to leave your eyes; he had never raised his voice at you in a heated moment, and it hurt like hell. You definitely should have stayed outside.
He walked towards the door and stepped out of the room without uttering another word, leaving you alone to deal with your own feelings.
As soon as the door was closed, you started crying. It was your own fault, really; you could always read him like a book, even today, and you knew better than to disturb him when you weren’t supposed to, but today for some reason you just couldn't keep your mouth shut. Idiot.
You tried to calm yourself down; the last thing Lando needed was to see you cry on top of his result, but it was harder than you expected. This being the first time an argument got so out of hand made you feel absolutely terrible, especially because it was your fault. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean it, you knew it was his feelings talking, but that didn’t make it any less painful.
A few minutes went by and you could still hear the cars out on track, the mumbling of the team, and people constantly working out there, so you tried to use that as a distraction. Anything to take your mind off what just happened.
Unfortunately, it didn’t help, but at least you ran out of tears, and now you were just staring at a blank wall, thinking how you could begin to apologise for earlier, if he would even give you the chance to.
Truth is, you weren’t sure if bringing it up again would be a good idea; you wanted to apologise for disrupting his cooldown moment, but what if hearing that made him mad again? Or worse, what if you didn’t apologise and made the situation even bigger? Your spiralling made you lose track of time, and a knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts.
“The car is about to leave, Y/N, they are waiting for you,” you heard someone say on the other side of the door. You were at least hoping Lando would come and get you once it was time to go back to the hotel, but he didn’t.
“Thanks, I will be there in a minute,” you replied, grabbing your things and Lando’s before sprinting outside.
The car ride was hell. Lando didn’t look at you the entire time; he was just staring at his phone, texting who knows who, his face as neutral as ever. It felt longer than it actually was, and when you finally got there, he just stepped out of the car and didn’t look back. You let out a sigh and followed him, leaving a prudent distance between the two of you.
Once you were in the hotel room, you both started to get ready for bed, like you usually did, except this time, you didn’t acknowledge each other.
That was until you were already on your side of the bed and he came out of the bathroom, taking the spot next to you and burying his face on his phone again. The entire time you were building up the courage to say something, anything, now that you decided that apologising was the right thing to do.
“Lando?” You called for him, but again, he just hummed in response. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You were right, I shouldn’t have said anything, and I should have respected that you just wanted to be alone.”
That’s when it hit him. How could he get so mad at you for trying to make him feel better?
He dropped his phone and turned to face you, and noticing your sad expression and teary eyes broke him. His eyes softened as guilt washed over him. Why were you apologising when he was the one who reacted like that? But as soon as you looked down at your hands to avoid eye contact and tears started falling down your face again, he felt even worse.
“Y/N… Baby, I’m so sorry.” He got closer to you, softly taking your cheeks in his hands to get you to look at him. “Please don’t cry, I’m sorry I acted like a dick and raised my voice at you,” he stared, wiping your tears away, carefully thinking about what else he could say.
You, on the other hand, didn’t know how to react. Your plan was to apologise and hopefully move on, but now that he was apologising, you didn’t know what to say; you didn’t want him to feel guilty, even though it was his fault you were in that position right now. If only he took a different approach.
“It wasn’t your fault, okay? You were just trying to help, and I should have appreciated that, you know that I do, I just... I don’t know, there is no excuse for what I did.” But you were still silent and trying to avoid eye contact. “Baby, say something.”
“Lando, you yelled at me.” You finally replied, your voice a bit muffled by your tears.
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”
After a minute of silence, you just nodded, which made him let out a sigh of relief. “Okay.”
“Okay? I’m sorry, my love.” He pulled you into a hug, your head on his chest as he placed a soft kiss on your head. “I know I was a dick, and I really wish I was nicer about it.”
“It’s okay, I get it; you were frustrated with your result, and I should’ve known better than to interfere with what you were feeling.”
“No, it’s not okay. I was frustrated, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” Lando was rubbing your back softly, trying to bring you the comfort you tried to give him earlier. “I love you, and I can’t describe how much I appreciate everything you do for me; I know having to deal with my shit is not easy, so thank you.”
“It’s fine, I mean it.” You looked up at him, locking eyes finally in the entire day. “Just... don’t push me away, okay? And if you do need to be alone, just say it, and I promise I will listen next time.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
He gently placed a hand on your check, rubbing small circles before leaning in for a kiss, one both of you much needed. And with one final ‘I love you’, you feel asleep in his arms.
#lando norris#ln4#lando norris fluff#lando norris x reader#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris angst#lando norris x you#lando norris smut#lando norris x y/n#lando norris oneshot#lando norris one shot#f1#giannaln4 writes#formula 1
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Danny hadn't ever been on this side of the equation before.
He stared at his old phone, the prickle of unease scratching at his neck.
Danny was the one that died. He was the one that died and came back. He'd never asked anyone how it had felt to see him die over and over again to become Phantom. Danny was starting to think that maybe he should have, if only so that he wouldn't be blindsided about what he felt now.
"Danny? Y'okay?"
Danny glanced up at the mumbled words, numbed eyes looking at Jason's sleep-heavy face.
"Hm?"
"Ya've been lookin' at that thing for an hour now. You good?"
Danny blinked at him, like the world was a sea of bittersweet molasses and he was the sailor drowning beneath its waves. "...Remember how I told you that you reminded me of my sister?"
There was apprehension on Jason's face now. It was a gentle kind of apprehension, softened by worry and love.
“Yeah…?”
Danny gestured for Jason to come closer. He opened the phone and tapped on Jazz.
“Woah. She kinda looks like me.” Jason tugged at his black hair. “Y’know, if I kept my red hair.”
Danny smiled, sad and tired. “Yeah. She really liked reading. And she always wanted to know more. Help more. Like you,” Danny’s eyes laid on the folded uniform of Robin on the kitchen table. He hugged Jason closer. “You remind me of her.”
“What… what happened to her?”
Danny hadn’t cried for a long, long time. Even when Jazz spoke to him in half remembered whispers and in Jason’s actions, he could not shed a tear. But something about today, something about those pictures, opened up a poorly scabbed wound and Danny’s face dripped with slow tears.
“She died,” he whispered. “I brought the vigilante life to her and she died protecting me.”
“Oh. That’s why you were so mad, then.” Jason looked down at the picture, blue eyes tracing the face of the woman that looked so similar to him.
“Yeah.”
“I won’t die, Danny,” Jason promised.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Jay." Danny squeezed Jason's shoulders before wiping away his tears. He inhaled, a slow, shuddering breath, before straightening. "You are so grounded."
"But- Robin!"
"Jason will always come before Robin. And Jason is grounded because Jason lied to me about being Robin and where he was going and whether or not he was safe."
And really, wasn't that the crux of the issue? Danny didn't have any problem with Jason going out and starting fights. He had no problem with how Jason wanted to help. But the thought of loosing him- loosing his loved ones after only learning to keep them clutched to his heart before he looses them- drove Danny down a spiral that he could not afford to enter again.
How many times had Danny almost lose Jason? How many times did he come to loosing the only good thing in Gotham? How many times had he laid asleep, not knowing whether Jason was bleeding out in an alley somewhere? How close had Danny come to waking up to news of Jason's cold corpse?
It made him furious. More than that, it made him terrified. Never in his half life had he ever been afraid to this extent. Not even for Jazz. It made him want to drown the feeling with enough booze to down a speedster. But he couldn't. Not now, not with Jason. His little brother deserved better than that. Not to mention the shit his little brother would get up to if he weren't fully there.
"But first, you gotta help me with something."
"... Fine."
Danny got up and bee-lined towards his booze stash. They're going out. Right now. He shoved the bottles into a tote bag.
"Let's go. We're destroying this."
"We are?"
"I can't be drunk and teach you how to vigilante."
"You're okay with me being Robin?" Hesitant blue eyes peered up at him. Danny's heart melted, the traitorous little shit.
"Not really. But I can't stop you, so I might as well make sure you live past 25." He jabbed Jason's forehead. "And I'll be reaming out Batman the next time he swings by, now that I'm not pissed as hell. I'll make sure it hurts."
"He's not that bad."
Danny sent him an unimpressed look and Jason mimed zipping his mouth closed, twisiting an imaginary key and throwing it over his shoulder. The little shit thinks he's got jokes. (He does, but Danny's supposed to be mad with him right now, so he'll never admit he thinks Jason's funny.)
They walked out of the apartment complex and turned to the right, right into the alley.
Did his heart give a little twinge every time Jason tossed the booze? Yes. But the hopeful thrill in his little brother's countenance made up for every single penny he spent.
"So... How long am I grounded for?"
At the reminder, Danny's hands clamped around one of the last bottles a little harsher than necessary.
"You... are grounded for- till college." He gritted out, tossing the bottle.
Jason's horrified "For- till college?!" rang nicely against the shattering of Danny's booze. Danny grinned and gave Jason a noogie.
"For till college," He affirmed, joking tone making Jason grumble, struggling to get out of the hold. "Or, for like, a week."
---
"Hey, Danny?"
Danny grunted, rousing slightly from his nap on the couch. They had been watching a show in the middle of Jason's grounding when he had drifted off.
"Did I ever tell you I had a brother?"
Danny's eyes flew open. "... No. Do you want to?"
Danny swiveled his head to look at Jason, who sat with his back against the couch and his head set aglow by the light of the TV. He looked... sad. Lonely.
"His name was Danny too."
Danny's heart shot right up to his throat. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. He died." Danny couldn't help the thought that passed him. Me too, buddy, me too. "I thought you were him. 'S why I talked ta ya, even if y're drinkin'."
Danny tilted his head back, silently closing his eyes in grief. It was fate, that wily Ancient.
"Is that... bad?"
"Nah. You're as good a brother as he was."
"Thank you for telling me, Jason."
"Whatever."
Danny laid back down, the thread of a memory all but confirming his theory.
"Come on, Danny-o, Jazz was being a good sister!"
Five year old Danny pulled the blanket up to his chin, pouting. His mother laughed.
"That's right, sweetie. She was trying to make sure you didn't get sick."
"I don't want Jazz! I want- I want a brother instead!"
His parents exchanged amused looks. "Well, Danny-o, you almost had a brother."
"Really?" Danny turned around, curious.
"Really. If Jazz was a boy, we would have named him Jason!" His dad laughed, ruffling his hair.
Danny wrinkled his nose. "Ew. I like Jazz better... oh."
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