#it does kind of bring about the question though of like... what happens to clerics and such? do they eventually inevitably become gods?

[dante-and-dragons]

I think TMA is bleeding into some of my D&D worldlore. Some of my gods are more like... people who have committed themselves so much to a concept/ideal (eg. luck, ambition, family) that they became the gods of those things. And then some of them are just... the raw, unfiltered/unworshiped ideals themselves.

For instance, there isn't really a god of war, but there is just straight up War, an entity, or the essence of war itself, which... exists.

I guess to some extent, the more concrete/person-shaped gods could be taken as avatars of the more essential forces/ideals.

I'm still not sure exactly how I want to do my pantheon, to be honest. I have a few gods developed, and some have names and take on physical forms, but others are... thereish.

[crossdressingdeath]

Narrator: *For the first time in over a century, silence falls over the Bhaal Temple. No chants, no screams, no prayers.* Narrator: *In the end, your own death brought you more joy than any you wrought on this land. You are slipping into peaceful oblivion.* Narrator: *But your journey is not over.* Withers: Thou hast defied Bhaal, thy liege and father, and in doing so hast earned a place among champions and heroes. Withers: But, alas, thy courage was in opposition to the divine cosmology that bound thee to the Lord of Murder. Withers: Thou art now faithless - godless - and doomed to wander the Fugue Plane for eternity. Withers: I will not permit that, though all the powers of life and death dictate that it should be so. Withers: I, too, still hold some power, and I invest a portion of it in thee, who hath challenged the gods and now liveth to tell of it. Withers: Thy fight is not over, and it is thy fight, for one who can look upon Bhaal and oppose him can survive any crisis. Withers: So rise, Challenger of Gods, and prepare for battle once more. Death will not claim thee whilst I endure.

Not gonna lie: this sounds like whether or not Durge was immortal before, they sure as hell are now. I mean, "Death will not claim thee whilst I endure"? Sounds to me like they aren't going to be dying any time soon. Durge's relationship with death has been upgraded from "I'll have to ask my dad (he says no)" to "I'll have to ask my granddad (he says absolutely not under any circumstances)." Benefits (or curse) of coming from a family of death gods, I guess.

I love the imagery of a hush falling over the temple as all of this is happening. Like... based on Withers's dialogue this shouldn't be happening. Durge shouldn't be defying their father and Withers definitely shouldn't be bringing them back afterwards. From the moment Durge says no everything's gone off-script. It's also interesting that Withers says Durge defying Bhaal is in opposition to divine cosmology; keeping in mind I haven't played the first two games, I get the sense that while Bhaalspawn defying Bhaal isn't the norm it's not all that unheard of. There are two whole games about Bhaalspawn doing exactly that, actually. Then again Durge's situation is unique; possibly it's something like... as they were made from Bhaal's own gore Durge literally shouldn't be able to refuse him like that, which raises some fun questions about their life pre-amnesia. The suggestion that Durge kind of broke cosmology in defying Bhaal is very good and I'd love more details on that.

The suggestion that Durge is now entirely without a god to claim their soul on their death and will wander the Fugue Plane for eternity now that Bhaal doesn't want them is very interesting, considering that you can be a cleric and so bound to a god other than Bhaal (unless the dialogue is different under those circumstances). I guess Bhaal took priority as their father and maybe since Durge died as a direct result of him abandoning them no one else had the chance to stake a claim? But if this is just the way of things for them now and their soul can't be claimed by a god that's. not good. But then again I guess technically Jergal has it. It's fine! I really like him walking into this situation and saying "No, they don't deserve this and they're too important to this fight, I'm not letting them die like this (or at all)."

Based on what Bhaal says prior to this Durge dies less because he directly killed them and more because his divine essence was their life force, so when he ripped it out of them they had nothing to keep them going? So then what Withers is doing seems to be replacing that portion of Bhaal's divine essence with his own, giving Durge a new life force in the process (hence why they'll now endure as long as he does, since presumably if he dies that new life force will die with him). Durge may or may not thank him for that (that bit about Durge's death bringing them more joy than any they've caused hits hard, and even harder when you consider that the deaths they've caused include Ketheric and Orin and potentially include people who hurt their companions like Cazador, Gortash, Viconia...), but it seems like the divine equivalent of a heart transplant or something similar.

[utilitycaster]

If you could build a character to screw with Bells Hells (in an ideology way Deanna already did the other) how might you build them?

You know, this is a very difficult question for a couple reasons:

The first is that the party itself has a pretty wide range of ideologies! I think it's very hard to faze Fearne or Chetney (unless you're his ex, apparently) simply because she's so open to experiences and he's lived such a long life. Imogen and Ashton are both very cynical, but I think they'd mostly be disgusted at worst by a super perky and naive person. Laudna likes most people, as does FCG, and Orym is unlikely to make waves even though he does have plenty of personal preferences.

The second is that I firmly believe that you can make a character that intends to push people's buttons...but you are here to work with the party, if you're playing a PC. I've been thinking about this a lot actually, what with all the "Emily breaker of DMs" discussion, because on NADDPod's various commentary shows (both the Patreon-only Short Rest after show, and also a lot of their D&D Court/Hearthside Chat episodes) she always talks about being very sensitive to both party composition and wanting to play a character who very much has a reason to be there and to bring everyone together. I find that aspirational, and so some friendly ribbing or playing someone who will challenge a character ideologically is fine, but I'd be reluctant to be actually antagonistic.

So I think like, the true answer is "Aabria sufficiently messed with the party by being a cleric with a complicated deity relationship, which messes a bit with both FCG and Imogen, and also was Chetney's ex so that got him good, but at the same time her build was incredibly beneficial to the party composition; she has won, and no one's going to top that." But were I to attempt to compete: I mean, I'm going to take @captainofthetidesbreath's suggestion here and do cleric of the Dawnfather/Chronurgy wizard:

Cleric of the Dawnfather now is going to fuck with everyone, especially if you are just straight-up a generally nice person who follows the Dawnfather and has no specific ties to Vasselheim or the larger church hierarchy. I think a life or light are the obvious domains to pick; the domain itself won't really affect how the party feels about you.

Chronurgy wizard who just knows Ashton's whole deal immediately is going to totally mess with them.

I think the combination of cleric and wizard would do all kinds of wild shit with Imogen's understanding of power; following a different god than FCG and having very high intelligence/knowing the world isn't flat is going to be a whole fun thing there as well.

For maximum fuckery: Be an elf who's like...450-500 and a survivor of Molaesmyr. This achieves several things. First off, you can feasibly call Chetney a young man while being middle aged yourself, and see what the fuck happens. Second, you can just hate Ludinus for petty reasons. Literally if anyone breathes any positive words about the Vanguard be like "did you know? Ludinus HATES dogs." Go full Bitch Eating Cookies on him. This is hilarious and great because it shuts down conversation but you can just be like "no I have ideological reasons, obviously, but more importantly, he failed to reimburse me for 400 gold worth of high quality paper."

Be very slightly dismissive of druidic magic. Not in like a bad or hurtful way, but just enough to make Fearne and Orym sort of grit their teeth a bunch. Also, just be like...not into Pâté. Like, not freaked out, not upset, just. Not into it.

EDITED: I was so caught up in the flavor and details I forgot this was a cleric multiclass and your wisdom has to be decent so take either the observant feat or locate object and make it super hard for Fearne to steal from you. (Sorry, I am envisioning this as like 2 cleric levels and the rest wizard, so I'm thinking of them as mostly wizard).

Have an ring of mind shielding that you have made invisible.

[kingbryancroidragon]

Didn't think I'd do another of these so soon, but here we are. In regards to if I were to do my own ThunderCats series, I'd have it so there would be more focus on Thundera, a city-state as it was in the 2011 series.

I've previously said that the lions, tiger, leopards, jaguars and snow leopards, the cadet branches of the House of Panthera, would be the ones in control of everything, all high-ranking positions would be filled by them with all non-Panthera cats being the lower ranks, but I'd like to focus on other species now.

The other two big cats, the cheetahs and the cougars, would be the nobility in name, they would have titles, with Cheetara and Pumyra both being the daughters of counts, but they would be closer to middle class in reality. All of the various kinds of small cats would be lower class citizens. A cheetah and a cougar will be able to rise much higher in society than any other the small cats, but they would never be in a position of authority such as a Pantherine cat.

Smilodon such as Grune would also fall under the "nobility in name, middle class in reality" part of Thunderan society. He wouldn't have a title though. I imagine Grune may have been disinherited, a reason that I've yet to come up for.

Cheetahs, despite being nobility in name, would typically be used as scouts in the military. It really doesn't matter what title they hold in Thundera, their species entirely determines their role. Outside of the military, they are athletes or messengers. I've yet to come to a decision on cougars and smilodon.

I would have it that Cheetara would be the youngest of four. One of her older siblings is a scout, another an athlete and another a messenger, leaving Cheetara to find her place in Thunderan society, leading her to join the clerics at age nine.

Cheetara and Pumyra would have known each other for years with both having differing views on the current state of Thunderan society. Cheetara believes that reforms will best help out the non-Pantherine cats, being more idealistic, but Pumyra would be more cynical, believing that as long as Thundera's monarch are from cadet branches of the House of Panthera, no real change can happen unless Thundera is ruled by a non-Pantherine cat. This would lead Pumyra to backing a Non-Pantherine usurper, only to learn that the goal of said usurper is to have their own species replace the cadet branches of the House of Panthera as Thundera's dominant species and doesn't care at all about making things better for the other cats.

Small cats would do whatever other job is available. The Wilys would specifically be the children of palace staff, their mother being a royal seamstress and their father the stablemaster. Lynx-O would be a tracker even after losing his sight due to his heightened sense of smell. The Wilys being children, wouldn't really have much of a view yet on the state of society, but Lynx-O would find the imperialism and warmongering that has corrupted Thundera a bigger problem than the House of Panthera's cadet branches holding all the power. From his point of view, those things could just as much have happened under non-Pantherine leadership.

Lynx-O would also bring up another problem with Thunderan society. While small cats like him would be considered the lower class, they still have rights, they are still considered citizens. Non-feline residents of Thundera are not considered citizens, they don't have rights. A troubled Tygra would weakly try to justify it by saying it is the same everywhere, pointing to the lizards, who similarly don't consider non-lizard residents of their city states. Lynx-O would ask the simple question: "Does that make it right?"

And this brings us to a piece of Tygra's character development. I said in a previous post that Thundera would be a diarchy, a monarchy with a two-monarch system. Lion-O and Tygra would be Thundera's two rulers with the latter being big on reforms, but here is the thing: he has only been focused on reforms that can help the non-Pantherine cats. He has never thought of something like granting citizenship to the non-feline members of Thunderan society and he begins to wonder how good a king can he be if he isn't looking to make things better for everyone living in Thundera.

I have also considered the idea that "fraternizing outside of one's genus outside of work" as we'll call it, is considered improper. I previously mentioned that Tygra and Cheetara's romance would be akin to an interclass romance and this would tie in to the "no fraternizing outside of one's genus outside of work" being improper. A non-romance example, would be the idea of Kit attempting to play with a caracal boy, only for his father to come along and prevent it.

I have a lot of ideas, not necessarily ideas that would be used, some might, some might not, especially if I find some contradictory, after all if you look back at your ideas, you'll sometimes find they contradict each other. Sometimes, ideas even evolve. Anyway, that's all for now.

[breezey907]

The Contract

The party had decided to regroup in a tavern,  outside of the ruins of Augustia. Everyone was downstairs, murmuring to each other. Maponos, in a room upstairs, heard his name mentioned more than once. He was too preoccupied in his own thoughts to bother with listening.

Perhaps, if they were faster, they could've done something to stop the destruction. Perhaps if they didn't take that one rest, they've would've had time to see something was wrong and started an evacuation. Perhaps if he was able to do something besides shoot a damn gun and play with poisons he might've been useful.

For once, Maponos wished he had magic of his own. The irony of the thought didn't escape him, but he knew magic might've been enough to save atleast his sister.

Menala... His hands started to shake at his sides. He hadn't said her name since...the incident. Even just thinking about her or what happened made far too many emotions bubble up inside him.

Yet, how could he not think of her? She was his entire reason for anything worth doing and -

...and now she's gone.

He felt his legs give out from under him, collapsing to his knees, as of the near unbearable weight of the terrible truth was too much for him.

She's been gone for nearly a half a day and only now does the reality of it hit him hard. His chest ached, and morbidly, he wondered if this pain was anything compared to when Contra broke a man's ribs.

No - this pain was definitely worse.

"I...I am sorry I couldn't save you." He whispered. "I'd do anything to bring you back." He hadn't even realized he had been crying, until he felt the tears on his face.

"I think we may be able to help each other." A voice reverberated in his mind, the presence behind it felt warm, and ancient.

Quickly, Maponos swiped away tears, fully alert, standing upright. "What do mean? Who are you?"

"I believe we can make a deal of sorts. A contract if you will."

"You didn't answer my other question. I'm in no mood for cryptic riddles. Get to the point."

In his mind, the presence seemed to chuckle. "I see why he wanted you as his vessal."

"The fuck does that mean?" Maponos snapped. "Enough of the pronoun game."

The air shimmered in front of Maponos, and like the sun rising with a new dawn, a man materialized. His hair was a golden blonde, wearing white and gold clothing and Maponos recognized the face all too well, for it was his own, perhaps an older version of him yes, but he had seen the statues.

"Lathander." Maponos laughed bitterly. "Of course it's you." He shook his head. "What do you want?"

"As I have said before, I want to make a deal with you."

"What kind of deal?"

"I need a vessel to channel my power when the time comes, seeing as my first choice  is no longer an option I am going to you. In exchange you will have the power to bring your sister back from the dead."

Maponos scoffed angrily. "Are you saying you had this kind of power the whole time? The great Lathander could just resurrect people? We prayed to nearly every god of healing we could think of...so where were you when she was sick?" His fists balled at his sides.

"Nothing could be done the clerics said. Fucking magic couldn't heal my sister. I was the one to keep her stable enough to give me time to find a cure." Maponos' gaze fell to the floor. "And now...she's gone." He looked back up at the god. "You said you wanted her to be your vessal. So where the fuck were you when she died?"

Lathander's expression dimmed. "I cannot interfere in mortal lives in that way, though, if it means anything to you, I am sorry for your loss and the heartache you have because of it."

Maponos was quiet for a moment, unsure what to make of the situation. The flash of rage he had was gone,, in its place, was the tiniest sliver of hope. This was an opportunity, he'd be an fool to not hear the god out. "What are the terms of this contract?"

The god produced a glowing piece of parchment and a quill."If you sign the contract with me, I will grant you a portion of my power, in exchange for your soul. It will take time for you to fully be able to handle the magic needed to resscurect your sister. All I ask is that you follow my guidance."

Maponos narrowed his eyes. My soul..This contract sounds similar to the kind that devils make. "Why do you need my soul?"

Lathander raised a brow slightly. "You aren't exactly a devout follower. This is the only other way that I can lend you my power."

Perhaps if Maponos was in a lighter mood, he could have laughed at the god. Instead, he focused on the details of the contract. "When does the contract end?"

"The Contract will have been fulfilled when Vo is defeated."

Maponos glanced at the quill in Lathander's hands, hesitated for a heartbeat.

Fuck it. I have nothing else to lose anyway.

He signed his name.

Warlock Maponos because I've been thinking of random AU things for him.

[therealvinelle]

Aro def took Carlisle's virginity right?

Beautiful question, anon. I like you.

Let’s be methodical about this one, because there are two assumptions made here, one being that Aro got a homerun with Carlisle, the other being that Carlisle was a virgin. Let’s examine both.

Did Carlisle die a virgin?

Considering Carlisle’s looks as a vampire, his human self was most likely very attractive as well. He was in good health and lived to be 23, so if this was someone else I’d assume he’d gotten laid. As it happens, I don’t.

Carlisle was a very pious man, living in a time when pre-marital sex was bad not only because it was sin, but because it would ruin the woman involved if it got out. To say nothing of pregnancies, both mother and child would suffer major stigma for the rest of their lives, or STDs, which are bad news all around. If Carlisle were to get laid in life he’d have to either solicit prostitutes, or ruin good women, and both are dishonorable, unchristian ways to act. As for homosexuality, I don’t think that would occur to him.

There’s technically the option that Carlisle was married at the time of his death, but it’s extremely slim because as a young man only just taking over from his father, he would have been in the process of becoming financially able to care for a potential wife. He wouldn’t have been able to marry sooner, since with his father still active in the parish there wouldn’t have been a spot for him. (Contrary to common belief, no, people did not all get married at the age of eighteen before the 20th century. The upper class could do that since they had the financial means, middle and lower classes could not. As a cleric in post-Reformation England, Carlisle would have been middle class. A commoner, as Edward puts it. For him to be unwed at twenty-three is perfectly reasonable.) Also, it’s the kind of thing that would have come up. It doesn’t.

So, Carlisle dies a virgin.

Enter Aro.

Did they do the do?

Carlisle liked Aro well enough to move in with him for over two decades, Aro thinks Carlisle is da bomb and has the highest regard for him. Aro is also from a very different, non-Christian culture and appears to be gay.

So, you have two attractive men meeting each other, one of whom is gay, and they get along so swimmingly that Carlisle decides to live with Aro for decades until a difference in opinion makes them part amiably. And I can’t stress the living together part enough, because Aro is the only one Carlisle does this for. He doesn’t join any other covens even though he has plenty of good friends, and what holds the Cullens together is the fact that he created them and that they share the diet. Aro stands alone as the one Carlisle felt strongly enough about to spend a lifetime trying to convert.

Not just that, but of all the people Carlisle’s met over the centuries, the only ones who made it into Edward’s Carlisle summary were the Volturi, which we later learn was really just Aro. Which to me sounds like pre-Eclipse Carlisle would speak or think of Aro fairly often, or Edward wouldn’t have thought to bring it up.

On the other end we have Aro, who openly fangirls at the mere mention of Carlisle’s name, and won’t shut up about how amazing he is to anybody who’ll listen.

Now, we have guys being dudes, bros living together in a close relationship, for... decades. What on earth were they doing there, Aro only has so many books.

That being said, I do think it’s a bit up in the air. I try to keep this blog canon adherent, so I’m not going to say “Yup, they definitely had sex” when there’s the possibility they didn’t.

To get a bit into the reasons why I think it’s possible they forgot to say “no homo”, we know that they were very close and Carlisle was something more than a visitor (as he was included in the Solimena group painting, there are implied to have been more, and the fact that he chose to leave points to his invitation having been indefinite), and Aro shows every sign of being uninvested in women (his courtship of Sulpicia sounds like beard shopping) and his marriage in general. And, again, Carlisle is very attractive.

There’s really no reason for Carlisle to spend twenty years in Volterra unless he felt very strongly about Aro. Aro made it extremely clear he wasn’t switching diets, Carlisle stuck around and spent decades (and he was young, to him this was a lot of time) refusing to give up anyway. If he’d stayed a month or even a year, then sure, I would be on board with Carlisle merely thinking Aro’s library was neat. But when we’re talking twenty years it’s... pretty personal.

More, I see people bring up Carlisle’s faith for why it wouldn’t happen, at the very least not without angsty angst. Well, everything points to Carlisle having formed his own doctrine. I think how that would affect old beliefs, internalized homophobia, and such is best left for another post, as I have two separate asks for that and we’d get way off-topic, suffice to say that Carlisle was in a place where the theological argument that sodomy was not a devastating sin could be made by Aro (who I’m sure had a twelve-step plan to seduce Carlisle).

Given how close they have to have been, there’s an intense intimacy in choosing to live with someone who through physical contact sees your very soul. Even if their relationship never became physical, this still sounds to me like the recipe for a charged relationship.

And so it is that I think if Aro decided to go for it, he would succeed. He would have to seduce Carlisle, as homosexuality wouldn’t have been on the radar at all for him prior to meeting “Alexander and Hephaistion were close friends, you know” Aro, but he would succeed.

But, this is all assuming Aro tried. It could be he didn’t. They had a good thing going and he might not have wanted to risk it. If he tried and wasn’t successful, the friendship would be successfully ruined.

Could also be Caius cockblocked him by walking up to Carlisle during the first week and telling him “you know you’re only here because Aro wants to fuck you, right?”, which would very effectively block Aro from making any moves. (Caius’ incentive for this, of course, would be wanting scare away the Christian boytoy before Aro can get too unbearable about him. Well, tough luck, Carlisle sticks around anyway and now Aro and Caius are both losers because one isn’t getting laid and the other has to see Carlisle’s fugly face every day.)

So to answer your question, anon, yes I think it might have happened, probably even, it’s the side I fall on. And if so, then Aro did take Carlisle’s V-card. But it might not have happened, though if it didn’t then things were still pretty damn gay down there in Volterra.

(Oh and to do my part in sowing the seeds of chaos into this fandom: if Aro/Carlisle happened then I think Carlisle/Sulpicia might have happened as well.)

[rocksinmuffin]

my kink is megatron struggling to explain to his physician that his interface is not working like it used to. no women appear and there is nothing inherently sexual. ratchet reassures megatron that what is happening to him is normal and nothing to be ashamed of

Megatron sits awkwardly in the Med Bay’s designated waiting area, hunched over in a seat made for a smaller mech’s build in mind. He busies himself with one of the old datapads left out for patients but he doesn’t register its contents. He shifts in his seat and the metal beneath him creaks but does not give.

“Megatron,” Ratchet calls, poking his head out into the waiting area. He waits for Megatron’s optics to meet his before gesturing for Megatron to get up and follow him back into the exam room.

Ratchet directs Megatron to take a seat as he pulls out a datapad.

“I was surprised to see you willingly made an appointment. I can hardly get you to come in for required maintenance.”

Megatron nods stiffly in response.

Ratchet raises an optical ridge but decides not to comment on it. “So what brings you in?”

“I’ve been experiencing... performance issues.”

Ratchet stares back blankly. When that alone is not enough to get Megatron to explain further, he heaved a deep sigh of air though his vents and drags his hand down his face.

“What type of performance issues?” Ratchet asks because his exasperation alone is unfortunately not enough to get Megatron to break his silence. “Are you having issues operating on the battlefield? Trouble keeping your mind focused on clerical work?”

“No, nothing like that. It’s...” And Megatron’s voice trails off, volume so low Ratchet’s audials can’t pick it up.

“Can you repeat that?” Ratchet asks.

Megatron mumbles something inaudible.

“A little louder, please.”

“I’m having issues...” Megatron pauses to look left and right, as if there might be another witness in the private and enclosed exam room, and Ratchet barely suppresses the urge to roll his optics. “...in the berthoom.”

“Ah,” Ratchet responds with a nod of his helm as realization dawns. “Those kinds of performance issues.”

Megatron’s face flushes as all the energon in his body rushes to the plating of his cheeks. He looks miserable, like he’d rather Unicron appear and swallow him whole than spend another second having this conversation.

“There’s no reason to be ashamed. This is a common problem for mechs your age.”

“Do you have this problem?”

“No.”

Ratchet turns to the counter behind him, opens a drawer, and pulls out a pamphlet. He slams the drawer shut and turns back to Megatron with the pamphlet extended out to him in one fluid motion.

Megatron takes the pamphlet. It reads: So Your Hardware’s Gone Soft and has a cartoon image of a mech frowning down at his crotch. Megatron has a matching expression as he looks up from the pamphlet and back to Ratchet.

“It’s a good resource,” Ratchet insists. “Go back to your habsuite and give it a good read-through. It’ll help answer questions about what you’re going through, why your body is reacting that way, and how to treat it. Take some time to look it over, try some of the home remedies, and if that doesn’t work then come back to me in a week and we can discuss further treatment.”

Megatron nods his head noncomittedly as he frowns back down at the pamphlet. Ratchet sees him out of the exam room and back to the waiting area and Megatron has to hide the pamphlet under his arm as he shuffles past other mechs on his way back to his habsuite.

[saphirered]

Hi there, I love your blog! Your writing is so good and feels so in line with the characters, if your request are still open I was wondering if you can do general hcs for vax? Nothing in particular just romantic dates or hanging around the keep or in battle etc. Bonus points for how the rest of vox machina treats vax x reader :) lots of love 💜

I hope this one’s to your liking 😘

Your first date was less of a date and more of a mission that turned into a date. Vox Machina had been employed to shadow some noble possibly involved with some kind of possibly dangerous cult. You had to blend into high society and couldn’t simply rely on the shadows Vax felt most comfortable around. Even though he may have been raised among respectable society in Syngorn, high society like the one you had to blend into was more your specialty. You were their ticket to the circles they needed to meddle with. Dressed to the nines you were quite the sight to behold managing to take the poor man’s breath away, among others. Vax made it a point to entwine his arm with yours whenever he had the chance and stick to your side for the whole event. After you proved the noble you were sent to watch innocent you stayed to enjoy the part. Such an invitation shouldn’t go to waste after all… At least that’s what Vax claimed. You’re pretty sure he appreciated the time away from the others.

More lowkey invitations found their way to you from Vax. An invitation to take you on a walk around town, some fun out in a less restricted setting than the high society parties, dinner and dancing, and even a night under the stars, made its way to you. You were more than happy to accept. Just as promised each and every date was perfect in its own way purely because you got to spend more time together. 

You had to find out the hard way Vax had been making excuses to the rest of Vox Machina why he was going out or didn’t come back to the keep some nights. You understood but would have preferred a heads up so you could get your stories straight before you were caught by Grog and Pike one night in the tavern. It took a Modify Memory spell to make Grog think he only saw the two of you together in some kind of drunken stupor. Pike was a bit easier to persuade to keep your ‘thing’ a secret and knowing her well enough, the both of you trusted her to keep the secret until the two of you were ready to figure out where this ‘thing’ was going. 

Defining what you were to each other was easy. You had feelings for each other. Love even and you could see yourselves spending your days together, however long that may be. Vax has a tendency to get stuck in his own head when it comes to planning a distant future but you put no pressure on him. No need for talks of getting married, having children or even grandchildren. You take it day by day acknowledging that every relationship has his ups and downs but as long as you have each other’s backs through it all and are supportive of each other you’re more than satisfied with what you have going. You bring each other happiness. 

You’re each other’s support system knowing you can trust on one another when the world looks bleak and the odds hopeless. You acknowledge that yes sometimes space and time is what the other needs to process, but you’re never far and know how to read each other’s tells when you do need support, be that a heartfelt conversation, a reality check, or a shoulder to cry on. You’re there for each other no matter what. 

Vax would often come back from far travels with a little gift he brought back for you wherever he went. A beautiful feather from a bird, a jewelled necklace, an odd trinket would be presented to you upon his return. Each one with a meaning, and every single one of them as valuable as the next. They held a special place in your heart as much as in your home. 

The siege of Emon happened. It was a terrifying experience but you knew how to handle yourself. Capable and resilient, your magic helped you bring several people to safety. You lost Vox Machina in the fray but knew they could take care of themselves. You had others to protect and get out of the city before it was too late. Gathering who you could you made your way to Greyskull Keep. You got there when the gates opened, people flooding in.

Seeing Vax among the crowd trying to organise the crowd you were relieved he was alive and well. Rushing over he kissed you the moment he saw you, caught up in the moment not caring who saw. Your reunion was cut short by the arrival of an ancient white dragon. Vax initially dragged you along behind a tree but you come in hot and the moment the dragon comes within range hit it with a Disintegrate spell. Your next actions show Vax very clearly you know exactly how to handle yourself. Though, from the corner of your eye you can see him cringe when you do get slammed into a wall and to the ground. You avoided getting frozen and get back up into the fight.

The aftermath Vax looks you over to make sure you’re alright. It took a lot to assure him you were fine. Even after getting thrown into a wall slightly bloody and bruised, you’d live. He helped clean up the blood and got Pike to heal your heavier injuries. He spent as much time at your side as he could and after he deemed you well enough let you come with him and help carrying heavier things for the people seeking refuge at the Keep. He got quite worried you might be overexerting yourself which gave you a good glimpse into his protective side. 

After some dragon hunting and things eventually calmed down you finally had more time to spend together, going back to your usual habits. Slowly but surely the two of you found you were ready to fully let the other’s know about your relationship, though some may have had suspicions before. You didn’t necessarily tell them directly. It started with you showing up for your little ‘date night’ with Vax and neither of you sneaking around or making up excuses anymore. Gradually the others caught on to what this meant. You’d be staying over at their place more often and while the two of you had managed to avoid the awkward conversations for the longest of times 

Sitting at the breakfast table one morning, Vax sitting down next to you and pressing a kiss to your temple with an ‘I love you’ may just have been a little too much for some of them. 

Pike of course was happy for you that you finally felt secure enough to share this news and made a little comment that how as a cleric of Sarenrae she legally would be able to officiate a wedding, with an all too innocent smile. 

Keyleth was very happy for the both of you gushing how you made the perfect couple and asking you if you had noticed all the ‘annoying little things’ Vax does and what you thought of them. She bombarded you with questions about how your relationship stared, how romantic it was until you told her you would gladly tell her in moderation or you might just run out of your ability to speak.

Grog didn’t get what was going on until Vax spelled it out for him. Grog came to the realisation that the time you used Modify Memory on him, a spell that had since faded, wasn’t a drunken vision after all and really did happen. He told you you could entrust him with all secrets, is an expert ‘silencer’ (his words) and wouldn’t have to use magic to get him to keep quiet anymore. 

Percy congratulated the two of you on not conforming to the norms of society and actually having a healthy happy relationship not based on the merits of politics and encouraged you to no longer try and bribe the Castle Whitestone staff when sneaking around because they’ll tell him all your dirty little secrets no matter how much you offer them, all jokingly of course. 

Scanlan, oh, Scanlan. How the both of you wished the earth would swallow you whole. Scanlan was being typical Scanlan congratulating for you pulling the stick out of Vax’s ass and loosen him up a bit, complimenting the wonders you must have showed him and speculating the things you must have done to get Vax much more at ease, not without ludicrous and inappropriate innuendoes and hand motions. 

Vex, throughout all of that breakfast hadn’t said a single thing and instead stared at you coldly, arms crossed. When Vax asked her to stop regardless of her opinions towards you or your relationship with her brother you stepped in saying that whatever she felt was valid but that you had no intend on replacing her place in his heart nor getting between them. She’d remain at his side and you from now on would just be on the other side. After that, a death threat followed, telling you you better not break Vax’s heart or a broken heart would be the least of your worries. You made sure that would never be your intention and you really did love her brother as much as he loved you. This seemed to ease her up with it. Over time she grew more accepting towards you to the point where you could call her a close friend, sister even. 

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 30

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L  Warnings: Language, angst, meeting new characters Important Question: do you guys prefer shorter or longer chapters? also, I listened to first love / late spring by Mitski for this ch if anyone else wants to listen along!

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 30: Like a Tall Child

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Remus was alone for the trip back to King’s Cross; not wanting to be stuck with James or Peter who would only pester him. He mulled over his thoughts as his head rested against the window, watching the scenery whip by. But the more he had time to think, it caused more guilt to build; they were only trying to be supportive. They cared so much, still willing to associated with someone like… him. And all he did was push them away. He didn’t deserve real mates like them.

Remus tried to distract himself: knitting, drawing — reading next year’s material, but settled on pulling out his cartridge of cigarettes. About to light one, his attention was drawn to the soft knocking on the carriage door. Lily was there, waving before coming in.

“Hey,” she said, closing the door and sitting down. “I wanted to say bye for the summer.”

He exhaled, now itching for the rush of nicotine while Lily fidgeted in her seat. He already knew why she was there.

“Sev — Snape — came to me a couple days ago…”

It was impossible to escape, wasn’t it?

“They’re mad, his theories… He’s been telling me the entire year and kept going on about this one story… wild story of you and Y/N and the other Marauders…” Lily looked up nervously.

Instead of getting angry, Remus closed his eyes, feeling himself sink further into the cushions, centring his breathing. “What did he say?”

“He’s been telling me you’re a… a...”

“Werewolf?”

She froze at the word, having to take a deep inhale and suddenly looked paler than usual. Remus wanted to jump out of the moving train. “Yes,” she stated, “But I told him to bugger off.”

Lily stopped again, meeting his eyes. “So… It’s true?”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

Lily sat straight, leaning over and even putting a hand on her chest, close to her heart. “I’ll take it to the grave.”

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

(Letters between Y/N and friends)

To my lovely Whiskers, I hope your summer has been grand so far. Are you sure you can’t spend time with me? It’s been so lonely. Prongs

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Dear Bambi, Unfortunately, I can’t. Mom’s dragging me to New York for the month. Something about being invited to do a special surgery. Said leaving me alone will do no good. I promise to bring you back a souvenir? How are things with Black? Whiskers

━━━༻✩༺━━━

My adoring, wonderful Whiskers, And it hasn’t. My parents are concerned. They’ve been trying to get me to talk about what happened but I can’t. Dumbledore and McGonagall have already started their punishments. He lost over 200 points for next year, got detention for half the year and he can’t try out for the Quidditch team if he wanted to. I wonder what they’ll do next. I love souvenirs! All things Muggle! Yours truly, Prongs/Bambi/James

━━━༻✩༺━━━

July 20th, 1976 Meet me in Times Square at 1 pm on the 8th. There’s a bench outside a bagel store, there’s no way you’ll miss it. Until next time, Matthew G.

━━━༻✩༺━━━

¡Hola! Greetings from Barcelona! My brothers took a few weeks off to spend time with me to come to Spain with my parents! They’re dragging me to a football game later. I heard they call it ‘soccer’ in North America. M. McKinnon

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Y/N L/N, Hello, I hope you’re having a wonderful break. Your letters are the highlight of my day and they keep me busy. So I hate to inform you that you need to stop sending me letters for now. I’m not supposed to be getting any and my parents are going to start confiscating them if I receive any more. I’m sorry. I can’t wait to see you in the fall. R.A.B

━━━༻✩༺━━━

I’m visiting Tuney with my parents in a few days. She moved to London for a clerical job in March and we’re meeting her boyfriend, Vernon! He sounds nice but she’s told me she’s nervous about me and magic around him. Lily

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Petals! I’m sure you’ll be fine! Who couldn't love you? Write back and tell me what happens!

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Whiskers, I’m with my parents up in Wales in their cottage. I was born there before having to move for my Dad’s work. Also, I think I have to get a rabbit. James always told people that I got my scars from a poorly behaved rabbit and if I’m not seen with one soon, people will start to question. Remus

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Does this mean I get to call you Moony now? Professor Moony? Wales? And that’s where that small accent comes from. It bleeds through when you’re concentrating or relaxing. And a rabbit? At least they’re cute! I’m sure you can just Transfigure a book though. Y/N

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Professor Moony? Haha, okay! And really? I never knew. I’m kind of embarrassed now. I’ve thought about that but at this point, I think it would be easier just to have one.

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Oh no! It’s nice! Gives you personality. I think it suits you well How about… Moody Moony near full moons? And Moody Moony Mondays on Mondays.

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Now you’ve gone too far. Bloody fucking Moody Moony? Have you ever heard of Mad-Eye Moody?

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Would you prefer 'my Moony' then?

━━━༻✩༺━━━

Yes, actually.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

August 6th, 1976

“Hurry up!”

She thudded down from the top of the staircase, dragging her trunk behind while her mother sped out of the terminal door, flagging down one of the zipping yellow taxis with her luggage in hand.

It was strange, being with her mother again after almost a year apart. She hadn’t come to King’s Cross again, instead sending her a bus fare in anticipation of school ending. She hoped for some sort of recognition, any kind of sign that she was missed but was only given a side-armed hug and delved back into work.

Y/N wondered if maybe she just didn’t want her there, hoping she would get lost and never come back. She only had been on a bus in London twice, therefore almost ensuring that she would get lost and would have stayed lost if she didn’t have extra spare change to use a payphone.

Ignoring the crackle of whispers as she strode to the cab, people blatantly stared at her unnatural coloured hair, as she entered the car, slamming the door shut.

“Where ya ladies off too?” Said the driver, pulling out a map from their car door.

“Cranberry Street, Brooklyn Heights.”

It was a quiet drive, aside from the driver drumming their fingers on the steering wheel at the sound of the Bee Gees blasting in the background. She watched other cabs whipping back and forth, people going on with their days, the dirty streets and building under construction.

“Hey, mom?” She asked, reasoning now was a good time to talk about her OWL results. She’d gotten them mere seconds before leaving their house back in London and she’d been putting off looking at the results until now.

She only grunted, flicking through one of her medical journals, jotting down notes. “I don’t have time right now.”

Y/N sighed, that familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach expanded again. “It’s kind of important.”

“Not now.” She waved her hand and ended the conversation.

Thirty minutes later, the cab came to a stop as they grabbed their luggage and strolled up to the brownstone building they were renting for the month.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Jet lag got to her as she unwinded lounged until finally getting up from bed that morning as her mom rushed around the house. She frantically was putting on shoes, dressed impeccably sharp, no doubt in hopes to make an impression as her eyes flew across her journal. Her feet were scrambling to the door as she flung her bag over her shoulder.

“Have a good d —” And then the door slammed shut.

She stared blankly at the door for a while and then turned around, getting ready for her day. A daint drum of excitement yet nervousness built up, pushing aside that sinking feeling. Today she was going to see Matthew again.

Having a few hours to spare, Y/N walked around, marvelling at the tall buildings and lights before heading into the heart of Time Square, immediately spotting the bench outside the bagel shop. She sat, waiting for him anxiously. She made sure to wear a hat, covering any sight of hair to avoid weird stares and chatter.

But then a few minutes turned into ten and then twenty minutes later.

Slipping out the letter again to make sure, she re-read it. Time Square, at one, today… near the bagel shop…

“Where y’at?”

Her head lifted as she jumped to her feet and pulled each other into a tight hug.

“Matthew!”

His face nuzzled into the side of her neck, arms wrapped around tight as her face pressed gently into his chest. Eventually, she pulled away - arms outstretched to get a good look.

Matthew Gaplin looked different. His hair, coarse and thick, had grown. He was taller, filled out more, tan skin became even tanner from the beating sun and he filled out.

His smile was large. “S’been so long.”

She gave him a small whack!

“Ow!” He jumped back, “What’s wrong wiv ya?”

“I thought you stood me up.”

“Sorry, doing something for Mom. Had to wait on line forever.”

He looked down bashfully, now staring at the hat. His face made a disgusted look. “It’s disgusting out. Why are you wearing —” Curiously lifting the hat, his lids widened astronomically as Y/N grabbed it, covering her wild hair.

“I told you,” she hissed.

“Right the Potter sport!” He gave a full-body laugh. “Oh come on, I wanna see it again!”

But her hand clamped down on that hat to prevent him from pulling it off. “No! The Muggles keep judging —“

“Muggles?” Matthew’s brows furrowed. “The fuck is a Muggle? Sounds… demeaning.”

“Sorry, it’s what they call No-Majs.”

“Ahh,” and then he moved to loop an arm around her shoulders and continued to walk. “Too good to use ol’American terms?”

“Turned British snob.”

They laughed loudly as he took charge, showing her around the city. There was something so calming amid the chaos of New York. The bustle, low chatter and his enthusiasm made it all the better.

Soon enough, after hours of walking around, they both came to a stop in a large park as they grew hungry. Matthew disappeared for a while, leaving her alone to lay down on the soft grass before returning, holding up a brown bag with two drinks.

“Got us bagels wiv schmear.”

She mumbled out a thanks and took it from him as he sat down on the grass beside her.

“Missed ya, really.”

She shoved him playfully, his head dropping bashfully. “Shut up.”

It stayed quiet for a bit, as they listened to the birds chirping until he broke the silence again. “Ya thinkin’ ‘bout moving back eventually, right?”

“Why?”

Matthew gave her a haughty look, contemplating his words carefully. “Do ya… not know? They’re losing the war.”

Momentary terror gripped her heart but she swallowed it down fast. “Matthew,” her voice dropped, “Please, I want a fun summer… can we not talk about the war? I have more than enough time to worry later."

He wanted to keep talking, worried for his good friend but he refrained, biting down on his lip and nodded stiffly.

“So…” he thought to himself, contemplating how to change the direction of their conversation and fast. “Fess up, what’s been goin’ on over there.”

“Huh?”

“You’re telling me you haven't — what is it called? Kissing?”

“Snogging?”

He smiled. “You’re telling me you haven’t snogged anyone of those rich Old-Majs yet?”

“Nope!” She spoke too quickly and voice was a little too high.

“Liar. Ya going tell me who then?” Y/N looked down, hand going to fiddle with the fem of her clothes while Matthew shook her. “Come on! Tell me!”

“Fine! His name is Sirius Black.”

Matthew's eyes widened in recognition as he sat upright. “You don’t mean the Black family? Gawd! No way!”

“What?”

“And ya don’t even know!” Matthew was full of amusement. “They’re one of the oldest wizarding families out there! Are you still wiv him?”

Y/N stopped, trying to conceal a chuckle. She didn’t have it in her to lie anymore. “No! He almost got me killed.”

“Ha. Ha, very clever. Fine, don’t tell me.”

“You? Anything exciting?”

Matthew snorted. “Fought over a fin if that counts as exciting.”

“You know that’s not what I'm talking about,” she teased.

He abruptly became very serious and it had Y/N sitting up straighter. Matthew breathed in, this time not looking at her but instead at his metal pop can. “I’ve… had a tumble wiv a few... didn’t matter their… genders.”

It took a second for his words to click in but when it did, her mouth fell open and saw his face fall as she pulled him into a tight hug. “I don’t care who you cop, just be safe and have fun.”

He mumbled into her shoulder. “Been rehearsing that since I knew you were visitin’.”

“Love ya, could never judge you.” He tried to look insulted from the babying but prickled with tears before wiping them away quickly.

“Bless ya!”

“You alright though?”

“Now that I know your reaction, never betta. Now, you talk, enough ‘bout me.”

After making sure he was okay, Y/N prattled about Hogwarts. Matthew would pop in a few times, asking her to clarify or ask what words the British used — he often called her his ‘British insight.’ She rambled much about her day, her new friends but made sure to leave out a few details. Matthew became peculiarly silent through most of her speech. It wasn’t like him to not try to speak up, but he looked at her with something she’d only seen a few times prior.

Matthew stared at her for a long time, analyzing with underlying adoration. “What did them Brits do to ya?”

She looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Ya sound different.” He says calmly, going to sip on his pop. “Talk funny.”

“Tawk funny,” she mocked and earned a shove. “Different? How so?”

“Everything ‘bout you seems different. Y’look happier,” he smiles, although there was a twinge of hurt. “Talk softer, look different — move differently and ya voice sounds different… but the same.”

She takes a bit of her food. “I hope that isn’t a bad thing.”

Matthew smiles gently, sheepish but there. “Not at all.”

She smiled back. Matthew always knew how to make her smile and it felt good, normal.

“Happy looks good on ya.”

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

She finally sat down, tired from the long day she spent wandering the city. But it wasn’t long until a tapping sound came from the window. Celeste was there, waiting with a letter in her beak. She walked up to her, letting her fly inside and opened the letter.

Got my OWL results. Outstanding in Astronomy, DADA, Charms, Transfigs. Exceeds Expectations in everything else but an Acceptable in Potions. Moony

She re-read that last part. Remus getting Acceptable in Potions? Her attention travelled to the stark white envelope peeking out from the side pocket of her carry-on. She marched up to it, ripping it open and scanned the paper.

Outstanding in Transfiguration, Potions and Herbology, Arithmancy. Exceeds Expectations in everything else except Poor in History of Magic. She cringed at that.

She immediately got up from her seat. Rushing over to the master bedroom, peeking her head in. “Mom?” She said quietly, “Can I talk to you.”

“Didn’t I tell you I was busy?” Her voice cut through. “It’s not the time to be a nuisance.”

A scorching feeling of anger thrummed through her but kept her voice low and steady. “That was a few days ago.”

"My answer didn't change."

Any semblance of calm vanished. “It’s about my OWLs. My future. I need some sort of guidance.”

“I wouldn’t understand them,” she sighed and peered up. There was an odd expression, borderlining on confusion and something else. “It’s not the same. I’m not a… witch like you are. I don’t know how to help you.”

“I’ll make it into No-Maj terms?” Y/N’s voice was tight and came rushing over to where she sat on the couch. And laid out her examination results. “Look, an O is the same as getting an A! It’s the highest grade you can get. And here,” she pointed, “My teacher, Professor Slughorn, invites me to parties because of my work in Potions class. I’m one of his top students.”

She glanced at her mom excitedly but was met with a look of annoyance and slight judgement. But she continued, “A-and in Herbology I'm doing excellent too! I was becoming interested in becoming a Healer. I told you in my letters. It’s similar to being —”

“I’m sorry,” her mother said but it didn’t have any trace of guilt or sorrow, “I’m busy and you’re getting in the way of work — my achievements — that you know are important.”

“Are mine not important?”

A thick, profound silence filled the space between them. Everything about the connotation had her averting her body, feeling the sinking in her chest explode. From the war, traumatic near death experience and her mother's constant aloof nature, it was her cracking point.

Snatching the OWLs results, she walked out the door, shutting it gently before diving into her room; throwing the covers over her head.

All the New-Maj and No-Maj children were told stories of the Boogeyman. To Y/N, it felt comparable to reverting to a small child as she tucked herself into a tight ball. She recalled watching all the other children running up their parents, being roped with large hugs and smiles, surrounded with infinite quantities of love as they left the school playground. She remembered being envious, wanting to have two parents as the images of the Boogeyman drew near.

There was an overwhelming sense to scream — to cry out for guidance as the knot in her stomach grew. Instead of her mother coming to her rescue — to reassure, to give any sense of security or safety while other parents would scare off the Boogeyman or monsters ready to nip at their children’s toes under the bed, Y/N was left in the dark as all sense of relief or love vanished. It left her vulnerable, exposed to the monsters lurking in the dark.

Her mother may have not been physically absent but it sure felt like it.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary:

Fin = $5 / five dollar bill Bagels with schmear = bagels with cream cheese Wait on line = the same as 'Wait in line' Pop = Canadian slang for soda / soft drinks Sport / old sport = (depending on the context) a term of endearment similar to buddy, pal, friend

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost or modify

[cactusnymph]

Prompt fill #4 for @dimension20alphabet:

Dares

“Hey Fig”, Fabian hears the Genasi girl—Romilda? Rowina? Ronalda?—say after their latest Bard class on Tuesday. He’s breathing heavily after finishing his latest dance routine and he’s not actively listening to their conversation, but Fig stopped beside him to ask if he wanted to try dancing to one of her new compositions.

 “I wanted to ask if you could—uh. Maybe give me the crystal number of your friend?”

 Fabian grins down at his battle sheet, trying to remember if Romilda—or whatever her name was—is pretty and whether or not he wants Fig to give her his number.

 “Which one?”, Fig asks, which is honestly ridiculous. He is easily the most attractive one—

 “Umm... Riz?”

 Fabian stops folding his battle sheet and blinks before straightening his back to turn his head. Rowina is twirling a very pretty, blue curl around her index finger. She’s very attractive and Fabian is not sure he heard correctly.

 “Oh, sorry. He’s not available”, Fig says with an apologetic smile and Fabian feels his stomach knot into something very unpleasant. Which makes sense, because first of all, The Ball always insists on him and Fabian being best friends. If Riz has a girlfriend, why wouldn’t Fabian know about it?

 Second, Fabian is offended because it’s completely preposterous that The Ball is supposed to be in a relationship while Fabian is not. That’s just absurd.

 Sure, The Ball is endearing and smart and funny and loyal. But he’s The Ball. Tiny, skinny, nerdy, socially awkward.

 “Oh... Oh, sorry, I didn’t know”, Ronalda says and seems very embarrassed before she turns around and rushes out of the classroom. Fig watches her leave and shakes her head before pulling a cigarette out of her backpack to put it behind her ear.

 “Since when is The Ball not available? And why the fuck would a girl like that want his number?”, Fabian asks Fig the second they step out of the classroom to head to the cafeteria.

 “Well, I just know that Riz just wouldn’t be interested in someone like that. And also, what the fuck Fabian, why are you being such a dick?”

 Fabian wants to know what Fig means by ‘someone like that’. He also wants to ask further questions but he’s sure that it might sound weird to get so defensive about something like this. It’s not like he’s actually interested in The Ball’s love life. Or who he’s potentially kissing. Because that would be weird.

 Plus, Fabian could get all the kisses that he wants. He just so happens to concentrate on his dancing right now. And if the whole thing with Aelwyn turned out to be a disaster, then that has nothing to do with him or what a great catch he is. That was simply because they weren’t actually as compatible as they originally thought.

 “I’m not being a dick, I’m just saying that it seems wild that someone would want The Ball’s number instead of mine!”

 Fig rolls her eyes at him.

 “She’s not the first one to ask, you know. Riz has gotten pretty popular after the whole Goldenrod thing at prom”, she says and looks at him with raised eyebrows. Fabian snorts disbelievingly.

 Sure, The Ball has changed a lot since they first met. And since, after their Spring Break, he stopped wearing his weird hat maybe Fabian would even go as far as to call him kind of handsome. If he thought about guys like that.

 Which he doesn’t.

 But the thought that all of a sudden people want to date The Ball is just ridiculous.

 “Oh yeah?”, Fabian asks and snorts a little louder than was maybe necessary. “And who else is interested in The Ball?”

 Fig narrows her eyes at Fabian and raises her hand before she starts listing names.

 “Theo from Barbarian class. Kat from clerics. Ragh said that Riz is cute just yesterday. And Gorgug keeps getting questions about Riz from the Bloodrush team.”

 She looks at him as if she’s expecting a very specific reaction from him. Fabian’s first thought is that he somehow feels like he should run every single guy on the team into the ground who asked Gorgug about Riz.

 Then he wonders why people never ask him about The Ball.

 Then he wonders if The Ball likes guys or girls. If Fabian remembers correctly Baron was a guy, but he was also a nightmare came to life and doesn’t count. Probably.

 Then Fabian gets annoyed again because he feels like he doesn’t know all these things.

 And then he thinks that maybe Ragh should stay in his lane.

 He tries to imagine Ragh and The Ball on a date together, getting their kisses in with each other and it’s ludicrous, completely insane, but his skin feels way too tight for his body all of a sudden and there’s a rush of heat in his abdomen that has nothing to do with dance practice.

 “You okay, dude?”, Fig wants to know as she carries her tray over to a table where Kristen, Adaine and Gorgug are already sitting.

 “What? Yeah. Sure. Whatever”, he snaps, sits down next to Gorgug and starts poking at the atrocity on his plate that is supposed to be lasagna but looks weirdly like something that might come alive and attack him at any moment.

 “What’s gotten his panties twisted?”, Kristen wants to know after one look at him.

 “He’s pissed because people want to date Riz”, Fig says and Fabian considers grabbing a handful lasagna and throwing it at Fig.

 “Why would you be pissed about that?”, Gorgug asks, confused. There is a beat of silence that makes Fabian raise his head just in time to realize that Adaine has cast Message to tell Gorgug something telepathically.

 Gorgug makes a face that shows way too much understanding for Fabian’s tastes because there is really nothing to understand about this whole situation. This is ridiculous. His friends are being ridiculous. And the idea of The Ball being popular is—

 “Hey guys”, a voice says and The Ball slides into the seat next to Fig.

 Did The Ball always have so many freckles? And hair that looks way too soft to be legal?

 Fabian stares at him.

 Riz stares back.

“What?”, he asks.

 “Nothing”, Fabian snaps and starts eating his lasagna. It tastes just as terrible as it looks. It’s hard to ignore the pointed looks that Gorgug, Fig, Adaine and Kristen exchange meaningful looks with each other.

 “Anyway”, Fig says, ignoring Fabian and turning to the others. “Theo is throwing a party this weekend, do you guys wanna go?”

 “Sure”, Kristen says.

 “Is it one of those parties where people drink way too much and then throw up all over the house?”, Adaine asks.

 Fig shrugs.

 “I don’t know. Theo is pretty chill and his parents aren’t home, but I guess it would be cool if we just. You know. Stayed in our group and chilled with some beer or whatever. And he said we don’t have to bring our own booze because I gave him one of our records for free.”

 “Sure. Yeah. We can like. Hang. Who knows, maybe I’ll even drink a whole beer this time”, The Ball says in the same voice he tends to use when he says the words ‘hooking up’.

 “No hard drugs though”, Gorgug says with a look at Fabian.

 “Hey! That wasn’t my idea! That dude just came up and kissed me straight on the mouth!”

 “Wait, you kissed a dude?”, Kristen wants to know.

 Fabian glares at her.

 “I didn’t kiss a dude. He kissed me, okay? It was during our boys’ night and I was very high afterwards.”

 “Must have been one hell of a kiss”, Kristen says with a smirk. Fabian is ready to throw his tray through the cafeteria but he doesn’t get the chance because at this point a dude he’s never seen before steps up to their table.

 “Hey Riz. You coming on Saturday? I invited Fig and you guys over to my party.”

 The Ball smiles awkwardly and scratches the back of his head.

 “Uh—yeah. I’ll be there, I guess.”

 “Sweet. See you then!”

 Fabian stares at the guy who is at least as tall as him, fucking jacked—probably because he’s in a damn barbarian class, and he has a damn eyebrow piercing. What a tool.

 Kristen wiggles her eyebrows at Riz and he has the nerve to blush darkgreen.

 “Stop it!”

 “Soo... Theo, huh?”, Kristen says.

 “Kristen”, Riz says and buries his face in his hands. Fabian wonders if Theo is the person who Fig was talking about when she said that The Ball is not available. And not interested in people like Romilda. He wouldn’t be, of course, if he’s into guys.

 Guys like Theo.

 The Ball is interested in guys. And Fabian didn’t know.

 *

 “Fabian, bro, you alright, dude? You seem a little on edge”, Ragh says on Friday while they’re out on the field throwing some balls—the irony doesn’t escape him.

 “Did you know that The Ball is into guys?”, Fabian asks before he manages to stop himself. Ragh throws the ball to him and Fabian catches it without issue before throwing it right back at Ragh, maybe a little harder than the ones before.

 “I mean, kinda? I don’t think Riz knows what he’s really into. Especially because he’s super freaked out about the whole sex thing, you know. But I guess he’s not not into guys. More into guys than girls. Why? That bother you?”

 Fabian isn’t sure how to explain to a gay guy that he’s offended about The Ball being into dudes without sounding like the worst homophobe. It’s not that he minds. He’s just pissed because he didn’t know. Because they’re supposed to be best friends—and okay, maybe The Ball was always very insistent on that and Fabian never actually confirmed it. But if Fabian is The Ball’s best friend, shouldn’t Fabian know about this?

 Doesn’t The Ball trust him?

 “I mean. No. Obviously not. I don’t give a shit”, Fabian says and watches as Ragh raises his eyebrows at him.

 “Dude, remember how we talked about feelings and letting them out and like, being truthful about our emotions and stuff?”

 Fabian does remember, but he refuses to acknowledge it.

 “Fig said that you think The Ball is cute”, Fabian says instead and Ragh shrugs, the ball still firm in his hands

 “I mean, yeah. He’s cute. He’s smart and super fucking badass. He has dimples when he smiles. Pretty adorable, if you ask me.”

 Fabian feels a rush of anger again and he doesn’t know where it’s coming from. Whoever invented emotions should be hunted down for sport and shot.

 “Well, I suppose, if you’re into stuff like that”, Fabian says. Ragh throws the ball at him, also a little harder than before.

 “Yeah, stuff like that. Like guys, dude”, he says.

 “Yeah. Like that. I wouldn’t know”, Fabian answers.

 Ragh opens his mouth to say something but he seems to decide against it and shakes his head.

 “Whatever, man. You’ll get there eventually”, Ragh says and Fabian has no idea what the fuck that is supposed to mean, but the next ball he throws flies wide.

 *

 Theo’s house is way smaller and less impressive than Fabian’s house—which is to be expected, but he still feels smug about it when the Bad Kids arrive at a red brick building with a garden full of sunflowers and a trampoline in the backyard that multiple people have already started using.

 Loud music, laughter and voices spill out of the open windows and onto the street as Fig pushes the small garden gate open and saunters up to the front door to ring the bell.

 “Damn, bro, you look sleek as fuck”, Ragh says to Fabian and hits him on the back with one his giants hands. Fabian manages not to stumble and grins. Ragh doesn’t have to know that Fabian took way longer than usual to get dressed because he is ready to get his kisses in tonight.

 He doesn’t care about Theo or about the fact that The Ball secretly likes guys. He can like whoever he wants and it’s of no concern to Fabian. For all he knows The Ball can kiss half Elmville and Fabian wouldn’t care one single bit about it.

 He keeps telling himself that as he follows the others into the house where people are already scattered in different rooms, many of them already drunk. There is a beerpong table set up in the living room where all other furniture has been pushed aside.

 “Hey guys”, Theo says as soon as he spots them and Fabian refuses to notice the way he grins down at The Ball  as if they were good friends. Which they are not. Since Riz already has a best friend and, in fact, an entire group of good friends, who are all here right now and of which Theo is definitely not a part.

 Now that Fabian stands in front of him he can see that Theo is in fact taller than him, half elven, half orc with light green skin and pointy ears, dark hair and wearing a black muscle shirt which Fabian finds endlessly offensive.

 “The guys were just talking about playing some old fashioned party games, do you guys wanna join?”, Theo asks and grabs some bottles of beer from a nearby table to hand them to Kristen, Riz and Gorgug. Fabian considers if it would be appropriate to deck Theo in the face because he didn’t offer Fabian a beer as well.

 “I’ve never really played any party games. What kind of games?”, Adaine wants to know. She’s holding Boggy with a look of mild concern on her face.

 “Oh, you know. Spin the bottle, truth or dare, that sort of stuff. Should be fun. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”, Theo proclaims and he throws an arm around Gorgug and waves all of them over to what seems to be a dining room that has been filled with a ton of pillows for people to sit on.

 Fabian doesn’t really know any of the people sitting here—Fig and Gorgug on the other hand know some of them from Barbarian classes. It turns out that Theo also participates in Druid classes, which Fabians finds weird.

 But he doesn’t have time to think too much about how much Theo sucks for various different reasons, because Ragh hollers excitedly, flings himself down on one of the pillows and pulls Fabian down with him.

 “Fuck yeah, dude. This rules! Here, have a beer!”

 Fabian has never played truth or dare before and he’s not particularly sure if he enjoys it. Adaine seems very on edge and picks truth every time, Fig on the other hand is delighted about giving people dares and picking dares herself. Kristen still has a hard time holding her liquor and insists on daring people to kiss each other. Then she starts crying because she misses Tracker.

 Riz is biting his nails as he watches people play and sips on the one beer he’s had since the beginning. Fabian doesn’t actually want to look at him for more than a few seconds, but The Ball is sitting directly next to Theo who is sprawled on one of his dumb pillows and seems to have the time of his life watching two of his buddies stick their tongues down each other’s throats.

 Someone dares Ragh to do a prank call on the vice principal and Ragh apologizes to Fig before he dials Gilear’s number to tell him that he won the lottery.

 “Fabian, bro! I feel like I should make you kiss someone”, Ragh shouts after he’s done and throws an arm around Fabian’s shoulder. Fabian laughs and considers all the girls sitting in the circle to figure out which one he’d like to kiss the most.

 “Make him kiss Riz”, Kristen calls and Fabian is confused for a second until what she said sinks in.

 “Kiss Riz! Kiss Riz! Kiss Riz!”

 Fabian’s eyes find The Ball’s face.

 His big, yellow eyes have grown impossibly wide and he stopped biting on his nails only to start chewing on his bottom lip in a way that looks dangerous with those sharp teeth.

 This is absurd. Fabian would never kiss The Ball.

 “What?”, he says with a half laugh. “No!”

 Fabian feels like this must be some kind of joke. He elbows Ragh in the ribs and says “Don’t be ridiculous.” and it takes him a few seconds to realize that the group of people around him has fallen silent.

 “Riz?”, Adaine says quietly.

 “I’ll be—uh. In the bathroom. Where the toilet is. To pee”, Riz stammers before fleeing out of the room as if the Nightmare King was chasing after him.

[honeyblockm]

hiiii yen!!! <333 if u would like to talk about him i would love to hear more about sapnap in ur au he's already so ghhghg i am making him some soup 👉👈

ayo i am incredibly down! b/ahumia sapnap got the short SHORT end of the stick i think. he appreciates the soup very much. there's always one guy in an au that is absolutely going through it slfkjdkfj

his canon narrative equivalent is this guy named ulfgar true axe. uhh as previously mentioned sapnap is one third of the legendary trio of heroes that fought in the war against schlatt/asmodeus and helped save the world from demonic conquest. he is the fighter of the group :) and has the strongest sense of honor and like, holding to his code. (well there's also dream. but he's still more questionable despite being a cleric and literally bound by religious oath.) Although it's still to be said that for the most of the dteam's adventuring days, all three of them were united in genuinely wanting to help people and make the world a better place. they. kind of still are, actually in a really twisted way. sapnap is also the one who convinces quackity to help them throw a coup in Hell, over a game of cards that nearly culminate in him losing his soul to Q. (with dnf and karl STRESSING on the side. like oh my god what if he actually does lose are we gonna have to fight the entire casino to get out of here.) Hell is also where he contracts crimson rot, from a separate entity, though nobody realizes for a bit.

so. that's backstory. so. post saving the world. the world's still a little bit fucked up actually. that's another problem. uhhh 1- dream starts his villain arc, spiralling until he comes to the conclusion that the world sucks and the only way to make it better (cough one big happy family cough) is if he became a god and took over. 2- the crimson rot starts to take effect and it fucking sucks. it's painful and scary and dream takes advantage of this combined with his magic to manipulate sapnap to his side, getting him to fight and defeat george, who vanishes.

as crimson rot progresses it also makes him angry all the time and violent, at least when he has the energy to fight. dream brings sapnap along on his travels as he starts gathering followers and preparing to set his plans into motion. dream keeps him around partially because sapnap is still one of the best fighters in the world and also because. well. he's still dream's friend! maybe friend is pushing it. dream still cares about sapnap and it's not like he enjoys seeing him in pain and sure, sapnap hates him now but he's angry at everyone. that's just the crimson rot speaking. and once dream gets his perfect world, it'll be worth it. he can spend eternity making it up to sapnap, even. lmao.

how is sapnap doing? well when he's not super angry he is Consumed by Guilt. amongst other things. just a lot of turmoil and emotions honestly, he misses everyone he cares about and hates them for not helping him and hates himself for hurting people. even after he's healed from crimson rot it takes him a long time to be able to disentangle his other feelings from the anger.

eventually he gets sent after the lmanberg party and the amulet being used to control him ends up in the hands of lmanberg, who, after a lot of trouble, manage to lessen the possession and calm him down.

this post is very sad but it's also. kind of funny. not really but he decides he needs to separate himself from other people until they can find a cure for crimson rot and jumps from an airship thousands of feet in the air into the ocean. which is pretty funny. he survives because he's like lvl 20 and has insane constitution. he didn't need to jump though he just thought it would be the coolest way to make an exit.

I do not have a very structured idea of what happens after that, because that's going into main plot territory and i still need to hash out the main plot, lmao. but the crimson rot does get healed and he becomes a leader in the fight against dream whilst traumatized as fuck and kind of wanting to fuck off to look for george and karl and quackity.

this got. Long. help. i think his relationship dynamics r really fun for this au though. Huh. Characters in this au are all varying degrees of really tragic. wild for a comedy podcast.

[kravkalackin]

Hello yes we are all Begging you to play more in the blupjeans fake dating/reversed reclaimers au :D

okay yes, let’s get into this because i’m having fun thinking about a full on switch of the six birds that forgot

So instead of tres horny boys we have Lup, Barry, and Davenport as the reclaimers. Davenport still forgot so much, his life was the mission and he has no knowledge of any of the magic he learned over the century. He’s conscious enough that Lucretia decides to set him off on his own, a simple job on the sea, where he can be happy even if he can’t remember how to sail a ship. Except a few year after being at sea his ship is ransacked by pirates and he’s left stranded in Neverwinter looking for new work. While on the sea he picked up some skills and became a swashbuckler rogue

Lup survives her trip to hide the gauntlet and comes back alive (more on this later) and therefor her mind is wiped when Lucretia enacts her plan. She gets her own cooking show, Sizzle It Up With Lup, and even though she’s happy she can’t help but feel like something in her life is missing. She keeps trying to up her shows to try to fill that gap which ends up causing her magic to spiral out of control and burn down her caravan. She stops doing the show after that and takes to adventuring to try and find that thrill.

Barry also survives the voidfishing (even as they're forgetting Lup can't bring herself to kill him) and gets placed working at a college. It’s fine, it’s all just fine and there really isn’t any reason for him to leave it. He’s just kind of bored. there’s no reason for him to stay and he’s pretty sure he’s having a midlife crisis as he decides to just, pick up a sword and sign up for the first adventuring gig he finds. Decides to call it fate and suddenly he’s a paladin of Istus and leaning into his gut feelings as much as he can, because they got him this far, might as well 

now for our three terrible boys! 

a big change here is that Taako doesn’t let Lup and Barry go lich on their own. He finds out before Lup’s request for the best day ever and won’t let them go through with it unless he does too. He also goes with Lup to hide the gauntlet, and he jumps in front of the blade before it can hit Lup, dying instead. He gets sucked into the umbrastaff and Lup brings it back to the starblaster. She’s trying to figure out a safe way to release him (and also did not tell anyone but barry about their little screw up) from the staff when the mindwipe happened. Lucretia didn’t erase Taako at first, but now he was just gone and she had no idea where he was, and instead of leaving Lup with those questions she quietly redacted him as well 

Things go pretty similar with Merle at first, he’s even with the three for the first mission, although he’s the one gundren brings along with him at first. His cousin is a shit cleric, but it’s better than nothing. Unfortunately when they try and get the gauntlet away from him Merle is the one who goes up in flames. Mr. Merle 57 Deaths Highchurch immediately gets a hearing instead of just going into the soul soup, and during the trial both Istus and Pan kinda crash it, insisting wait no, can’t lock him up, kinda need him for lots of things. Merle gets some dryad based death probation on the strict promise that he helps stop the end of the world as they know it. This mostly leads to him showing up on missions, mostly talking in static and being weirdly cheerful around all the death and destruction 

Magnus in this AU does not forget. Magnus goes to Lucretia’s room a day early, sees her redactions and manages to convince her to tell him what’s going on. Lucretia explains her plan, pleads with him to understand, and Magnus does. He was already split on the original decision, and maybe they did make the wrong choice. Plus, it won’t hurt anyone, they won’t even remember, and it won’t be for that long. She inoculates him, and they start hunting the relics together. When they go into Wonderland, Magnus sacrifices his voice, and once the bureau is founded he’s known as the Director’s cheerful but quiet right hand man. He figures it’s for the best though, he was never a very good liar, so it’s a lot easier to pull off once they bring the others in if he can’t talk to them.

[terrascookiejar-archive]

Purple Yam canonically has PTSD

Hey I’ve been thinking a lot lately and want to offer an alternative take on a character the fandom seems to LOVE to Hate. Purple Yam Cookie.

Purple Yam Cookie’s rage comes from the fact that he is deeply traumatized.

Now a lot of people tend to take things about Purple Yam at face value, for a few reasons. But we’re not going to get into the race debacle or bigoted opinions here. We’re here to talk about the thing everyone overlooks, His Character.

And yes if you take time to actually read and consider what is in the game about Yam, you’d understand that a character was there.

Starting at the place where we learn the most about cookies initially, his story

Now there’s two very, VERY important takeaways from this story I want to bring up to all of you.

Purple Yam was baked in extreme temperatures again and again until the heat finally got to his head. Ever since, Purple Yam Cookie has been in an angered state (to say the least!) that’s why we advise being extremely cautious around him.

and

The Cookie (Purple Yam) claims that no one has suffered in the “flames of hell” more than him, but little does he know that - in fact - other Cookies went through the Witch’s oven too...

We know that Yam likes to talk a lot about “The Fiery Hell” and how we “Have No Idea How Hot it was In there”

I think the one thing we need to think about is the fact that Yam didn’t just go through the Oven ONCE. He went through it an UNKNOWN amount of times until it BROKE him MENTALLY. 

Now trauma isn’t always someone becoming reclusive or someone becoming weak or depressed, etc. etc.  The fact of the matter is everyone experiences trauma differently, and anger? Anger is a VERY common side effect of trauma. In fact a very, very common symptom of PTSD IS Anger!!

Now there’s a great article on PTSD and not just how but why Anger is a common side effects, from the US Department of Veteran Affairs (Because, well, PTSD is a common thing coming back from war)

Anger is often a large part of a survivor's response to trauma. It is a core piece of the survival response in human beings. Anger helps us cope with life's stresses by giving us energy to keep going in the face of trouble or blocks.  (...) One way of thinking is that high levels of anger are related to a natural survival instinct. When faced with extreme threat, people often respond with anger. Anger can help a person survive by shifting his or her focus. The person focuses all of his or her attention, thought, and action toward survival. Anger is also a common response to events that seem unfair or in which you have been made a victim. Research shows that anger can be especially common if you have been betrayed by others. This may be most often seen in cases of trauma that involve exploitation or violence.

Now all these things we can attribute to Purple Yam in spades.

Purple Yam’s whole skill is based his anger, reaching a fever pitch and becoming “a tornado of rage.” It’s a trigger response, and when he reaches the end of his energy??? He gets blasts of rage that happen very rapidly, It’s a the end of his energy. This is his survival instinct.

And too, we need to identify the fact that Purple Yam seems to very much believe that  no one has it worse than him. He might not be aware that other cookies have gone through what he has, though I think the most likely attribution is that he thinks his experience was worse because he was forced to experience it over and over again.  You could say that others attributing the fact they went through the oven as well might make Yam believe they are challenging him by marginalizing what happened to him. In fact, everything is a challenge to him now.

Purple Yam is always looking for a fight. Always.

Fighting seems to be the one outlet for him to get all this rage out. This is the only way he can cope with his anger. The anger and rage that he was baked to his breaking point into having can only be satiated by fighting. 

One could argue that losing to Dark Choco was SUCH a blow to his pride, because fighting is the only that makes Yam feel GOOD about what happened. Losing was the ultimate threat to who he IS and what DEFINES him at this point that he NEEDS to get it back. He NEEDS to find Dark Choco and RECLAIM the ONE thing that makes Yam happy and proud. His raw power as a fighter.

and this doesn’t just extends to fighting, his anger overtakes EVERYTHING.

Going back to the article, it illustrates my next point well.

In people with PTSD, their response to extreme threat can become "stuck." This may lead to responding to all stress in survival mode. If you have PTSD, you may be more likely to react to any stress with "full activation." You may react as if your life or self were threatened

Now Purple Yam is not great with any other emotions, he literally responds to ANYTHING from a threat to a COMPLIMENT with ANGER and INSTIGATION. Yam is literally so unable to cope with anything that’s not anger, that the stress of it turns itself around and back to being anger again.

Everything he can’t deal with his activating that survival instinct and turning back to anger. Which only adds to the destructive nature he gives off. Every little thing becomes as bad as his life being in danger, even if it’s small. 

With this all established. There’s one more important thing I’d like to talk about. There’s more to Yam than his anger.

Yes Purple Yam has PTSD, Yes Purple Yam is very angry and anger is his one outlet to his trauma. However, like an actual Sweet Potato, there’s actually an inner sweetness to Yam beneath all the heat. 

We need to remember that someone with any kind of Trauma isn’t just someone WITH trauma. They are someone

Very much brought upon symbolically, like many cookies, through his magic candy item.

This sweet potato might look scary with its sharp spikes, but it tastes like heaven. But who could be brave enough to try this thing in the beginning?

Scary with spikes, but something much nicer on the inside? Hmmm.

Now to round this out, how do I know that there’s potential for Yam to be something more that isn’t just defined by the anger that he uses to cope? Why the first guild adventure of course!!!

The first time we see Yam, he’s busted down the walls of... some place and meets Milk Cookie who, in Milk Cookie fashion, greets him with open arms thinking he’s here to join his guild.

Throughout the adventure, we see something NOBODY likes to talk about. A CHANGE IN YAM’S CHARACTER.

In the beginning, things are very tense between Milk and Yam once Milk finds out Yam wants to challenge Dark Choco! Milk Cookie doesn’t just easily let Purple Yam get away with the idea that he’s going to hurt the cleric’s mentor! So Milk cautiously follows from a distance whilst being threatened by Yam to stop following him. 

That’s when they encounter a jellyworm and a fight ensues.

The next time we see these two, Yam is still questioning why Milk is following him. It can be assumed that not many cookies would stick around Yam up until his point. A lot of the tension that mired the beginning is gone, and Milk seems to be more trusting of Yam as a cookie. Perhaps after the encounter starting to realize that inner good that Yam has under the surface. While Yam has gone from threatening to mild annoyance at Milk’s refusal to leave him alone. Seemingly to only let Milk follow along because he won’t leave the Berserker alone.

After saving Purple Yam from a close call, Milk Cookie suggests that perhaps it would be better if the two work together. Purple Yam, though begrudgingly, agrees. Though when Milk Cookie frames it in the form of the challenge, Purple Yam is far more on board. Almost as if Milk Cookie has come to understand how Purple Yam’s mindset works and it can be attributed to a positive goal rather than a negative one.

Yam has gone from being hostile, being threatening, being mildly annoyed, to accepting help in the form of Milk Cookie to ultimately reach his goal. The two might have different goals in mind, but thanks to Milk Cookie’s patience and perseverance he’s managed to even get a cookie as stubborn as Purple Yam to work with him to make it to the end.

Now I’m not gonna say the obvious. However I will leave you with this thought. Someone is suffering heavily from trauma that results in episodes of anger, and someone comes into their life who doesn’t entirely get what’s going on, but wants to help. It might be met with animosity... yet with patience, perseverance, and understanding can come to help that person to cope. Thus allowing the one with PTSD room to open up and perhaps find outlets outside of anger. Gaining someone who, though might not always agree and have all the answers, can be one they can trust to help them.

Maybe there was always more to the first guild adventure than meets the eye.

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft, Dementlieu Arc, part 3

"Oh goodie, another witness." “Oh, goody, a victim.” “Now, I only need one of you to scream answers for me. I’ll let you choose.” "Sri Marshal of the Ordo Custodes Tenebris! Y'all are under arrest! Surrender now or Jonni will open fire!" Jonni casts fireball on them. "Sri Linxia, Order of the Rack Hellknights. YOU are under arrest." Marshal: "I am responding to a code nine-oh...and Jonni lit you on fire. Good, I needed some work therapy." "Row, row, row your boat until I get to the bigger one." Row! Row! Fight the power!" "Also, your Apparatus of Kwalish is illegally docked." OOC: Never underestimate Jonni's willingness to solve problems with fire. Also, Jonni's fireball incinerated all the bodies and the boat is now MORE on fire. “You guys go finish those losers off, but save the screamiest looking one for questioning. Jonni’s got this!" OOC: Again, lock, stock & two wands of fireball. Gorbash picks up the ticking device and hucks it overboard as far as he can. GM: It goes over with no trouble, but is still floating near the boat. GM: Which is still sinking by the way. GM: And on fire. Marshal: "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." Once you guys get on the rowboat, you manage to get away from the ship as the bomb goes off, putting ANOTHER hole in the ship, and causing it to sink beneath the waves. Irost: "Does... this kind of stuff usually happen on your missions?" Jonni: “Usually there’s more fire than that.” Gorbash: "But yeah, assholes and fire are a staple. Also Jonni applying fire to assholes." Jonni: “Literally if possible.” Alright, as you return to the docks, you begin to hear sirens in the distance, signaling the coming of the city guard, you also see several boats on the harbor now, probably the coast guard. "Cheese it!" GM: As said by the party Paladin. This man is a father now. Gorbash: "If anyone asks we saw nothing. Except a boat suddenly being on fire. Which we know nothing about." Jonni: "Right, the number 2." There is one thing though. Driven in the door of your wagon is a dagger, the same dagger that the Tiefling was using. “Hey, free knife.” Gorbash: "Really? This is supposed to scare us?" shakes his head "Amateurs." As soon as you say this, the Mantis head rips itself out of your hands, grows metal spider legs, gives off a high pitched giggle, then runs off into the night. “It’s okay, I’ve seen this play. Jon Voigt finishes him off in the third act." "Hey, anyone who knows me knows I like to be everyones friend. I especially want to be friends with a friend who has a friend with a knife to my back." "Yeah, that is Linxia alright. Bigot too, she encouraged us messing with Semprini just because of his race." “Yeah. We mess with him because we hate him.”

"My other business is that, for all your generosity, Lady Vesh, I recall something about our needing to be seen as big spenders." “Hey, I bribed those cops without even being asked.” "They keep a whale in captivity. Jail break! Who's with me?" Nyx says with a huge grin on her face. Jonni: “We’d need a D3 cruiser and plexiglass. Get that and I’m in.” OOC: Seriously considering Jonni showing up naked, wreathed in fire. Marshal: "We go into the dark places, bringing light. And fire. And sharp blades." Irost: "I bring more darkness and ice." "COWER BRIEF MORTALS!" Jonni makes a fire bird behind Marshall. "I COME FROM FUNDERTAINMENT'S THRONE OF THE BLACK ROSE!" Gorbash sighs. "...I know we need to make an entrance but really guys." Marshal slips on a pair of burning red Kamina glasses With Irost's help, ominous bogus latin chanting follows Marshal as he strides like a Death Knight through the crowd. Minor illusions, as Irost sneaks along behind Marshal to keep the chanting going. "THE BOY, MORTAL." “BEHOLD MARSHALL! PALADIN OF THE WATCH! I AM HIS HERALD, JONTHANA, SHE WHO MAKES TORCHES OF MEN!” He produces a Sending stone, grabs Marshal, and flashes a selfie with it and him. As you enter, you step in some pools of fetid slime. Irost: "I just got these shoes!" he laments, stepping more daintily. Nyx decides to go looking for something slimy on the food tables. Armor or no armor, Linxia is getting it down the back no matter what. Seeing what she's doing, Marshal goes full ham. OOC: So we finally stuffed him with meat to make him a meat shield? "So, want to hear about how Clerical Magic has been shown to cause early onset dementia? I have some pamphlets..." “Nah, that’s a hoax by big alchemy.” "Not even a whale, describe what it looks like, Irost." I don't know. Like a big fish, with tentacles, and a weird mouth.... kind of Kalimari-ish.... and three eyes." “Aaaaaaaand time for us to go.” “I heard stories about them. Their reign was only ended by a falling piece of god that caused a thousand years of darkness.” "A knight of Asmodeus fears no man or beast." “Yes, but you’re all morons.” Irost: "I believe I heard Marshall refer to it by its proper name... Apparatus of Quail Quiche."

[fluffmonger]

The Pelor Theory

Or, I’ve spent way to much time overanalysing this, but have this anyways.

So, it’s here at last, Caleb’s big arc, or at least the beginnings of it, and oh man am I stoked. Caleb has had these loose ends dangling for a long time now and Liam has continually been dropping little hints as to the Big Secrets, always very cryptic. Now, this might seem a bit out of left field, but given things like the Moon Theory, hey! Might as well go wild yeah?

Imo, one of the biggest loose ends and mysteries we’ve got regarding Caleb right now is his time in Vergesson Sanitorium, and especially who was the woman who healed him? Why did she do so? So… my theory.

Let’s start at the beginning. Why was Caleb even sent to Vergesson? In his words, “I broke a bit.” He claims he doesn’t remember much of his time there, that it's all kind of a blur for him, except for the woman who healed him. (This is important, we’ll come back to it). It's very clear from everything said in 18, and then expanded on in 49 and further about his scars and Trent’s goals that Caleb was abused and heavily traumatised. That alone, on top of the guilt and stress of hearing his parents dying screams would be enough to break a man. 

However, I don’t think it’s as simple as that alone. (continuing under the cut for length)

Trent has placed false memories into the heads of many of his students, brilliant students who from a mechanical standpoint, we can assume have pretty good stats. Beyond that, none of them seem to have realised at the time that their minds were played with magically. Most spells of that nature tend to leave a target aware to a degree if the deviation is too sharp from normal. However, Trent is likely an Enchantment wizard, who specialises in mind fuckery via magical means, using the 14th level feature Alter Memories, which allows an Enchanter to charm people without the noticing or remembering that they were ever charmed (it's utterly terrifying y’all, super abusable). 

A very common and powerful spell, that Matt has absolutely used before, is Feeblemind. We know Lady Briarwood had the spell, and used it in her first appearance. We know she was part of the assembly, once long ago before being kicked out. So it's not improbable that Trent also has access to it, and would make use of it. Feeblemind, in short, reduces a creature's intelligence and charisma scores to 1, and prevents them from casting spells, using magic items or even communicating. It is only possible to try to save against it every 30 days, and vs an Archmage’s spell save, with a modifier that low there's no way to get out of it outside of magical intervention. 

So where does this leave us? 

Caleb broke, after suffering through severe abuse and being manipulated into killing his parents

Caleb, despite having a Keen Mind, cannot remember his time in Vergesson, except in flashes and fuzzy moments

Caleb was very likely subjected to Feeblemind, which he’d only be able to escape via magical means.

Which brings us to the woman. Caleb says that she arrived some years after he broke, and was another patient. She laid her hands on him, and not only was the worst of his mental illness lifted, but his memories were restored to their original state, before Trent altered them. When looking at spells that can remove a Modify Memory and a Feeblemind, the only two that fit the criteria are Wish and Greater Restoration. Wish is a super rare high level spell. It’s unlikely that someone would use it on Caleb, a lost and broken former Volstrucker, even if there's stuff we don't know. If it was a wish spell, that opens up some very intriguing possibilities, however I am not willing to put money on it. However, Greater Restoration is only a 5th level spell. It is available to bards, clerics, druids, certain classes of warlock, and artificers. Of these, I think it's most likely that a cleric is the one who healed Caleb. Why? 

Well….

We know Caleb grew up in Blumenthal. Blumenthal is a small farming town outside of Rexxentrum. Its most notable feature is a giant statue of Pelor, the Dawnfather. Liam has stated outright that Caleb, Astrid, and Eadwulf all “walked in the light of the Dawnfather” as children, in his Narrative Telephone story, which he confirmed to be a metaphor for Caleb’s childhood and school years. We know his father was in the military, a low ranking soldier of some sort, and the Dwenadalian Empire honours Pelor as a God of War, and he’s the patron of the Righteous Brand. We know Trent pushed the idea of “Empire Over All,” Caleb stresses this aspect very hard, but we also know that he doesn't believe in anything anymore, when questioned about his feelings re: his training in ep 49. 

Pelor is a god of light, previously mostly shown as the patron of Whitestone in CR 1, which makes sense given Whitestone was founded by displaced Dwendalians long ago. He hasn't played much role in CR 2 as of yet, however, the final fight with Obann takes place in his cathedral in Rexxentrum. One of his major symbols is that of a burning brand or brazier that takes the place of his head in depictions.

We have every reason to believe that, as a child, Caleb likely worshipped Pelor to some degree. Additionally, his given name, Bren, means “to burn” in german. Liam has said there's a deeper meaning behind it, however. In the artbook, there's a curious diagram that says “Brennan”. It is set up almost the way we see certain spell circles set up, and within are Roman numerals for 8, 13, and 17. 13 is the age Caleb was when he went to Solystryce. 17 is the age at which he killed his parents. 8 would be a likely age for beginning to show magical potential. I'm still not entirely sure what's happening with that, however, Brennen as a name has several potential sources. In old Gaelic, it can be traced to names meaning sorrow or tears or raindrop/drops. In old english it can be traced to a word meaning Burning Hands, which keeps the fire theme and is very interesting indeed.

Back to the point at hand…. Caleb likely has associations in the past with Pelor, though now he doesn't believe in or worship the gods or the Empire (and in the empire, the gods are but an extension of Empire, really) and there is a deep secret behind his name, and there is more he isn't telling us. What reasons does trent have for keeping him locked in Vergesson when he was already broken and useless? Who would go in just to save a broken man? What is Caleb not saying? I posit that Caleb, Bren really, has some deeper connection to Pelor, which he may not be aware of entirely. There is something about Caleb worth saving. Perhaps he was born on an auspicious day, or with a certain connection in place? Whatever it is, he is important enough, that a cleric of Pelor faked madness or revolutionary sentiment long enough to get into Vergesson themselves as a patient, and then used Greater Restoration on Caleb at least once, but possibly twice, and then faked madness as part of their cover. They are most likely not dead and may or may not still be in the asylum. And I absolutely think we’re going to start seeing these connections pop up as we move back into Caleb's arc, and exploration of the depths of Cerberus. 

So tldr, I guess?

Caleb was magically affected by Modify Memory and Feeblemind, and his own mix of neurodivergence and trauma

Caleb was placed in Vergesson after breaking/being controlled in order to be monitored and possibly experimented on to some end of Trent’s

Caleb was later healed by someone who found him, likely using Greater Restoration, which cured him of the magical interference.

This person could have been many classes, but the most common and easiest to see fit into the Empire would be a cleric

This cleric likely served Pelor, and healed Caleb specifically due to Caleb having a connection to Pelor

The nature of this connection is mysterious, but absolutely important, and will play a role in this upcoming arc, if I’m right here.

[hmgfanfic]

Talk about all the Fillory worldbuilding in LQoF, please :)

THIS IS INEXCUSABLY LATE. I’m so sorry!

And I wish I could say it was just my scatterbrainedness, which is definitely a constant factor, but it was also that when you sent this, I was deeeeeeeep into writing the final few chapters of Little Quirks of Fate and I was kind of... in my head about it. It took a lot longer to finish than I had planned (a cardinal sin to my particular combo of severe ADHD and Type-A personality) and I was spending excessive amounts of time making sure I figured out a satisfying ending by my own exacting standards, so I just didn’t have the headspace to think through my early process yet. Very sorry about that :( But now that I’m finally done, I’m excited to look back! So if you’ll indulge me a very late answer, I’d be tickled. 💗

Long ramblings and major fic spoilers under the cut.

The truth is a lot the world building came down to character stuff foremost, followed closely by my preferences as a writer. I adapted the world to the story I wanted to tell, while using the little bits of information we’re given in canon as a baseline, rather than building the story around the world. And that was a lot more fulfilling for me, since I only really love worldbuilding through the lens of character, rather than as an exercise unto itself (though it’s super fun once you get rolling.)

To explain what I mean by that, you need to know that Little Quirks of Fate was originally going to be a oneshot. My plan was about 25-30k (lol) of a pure S2 retelling, only with Quentin in the role of Fen. It was also going to take a much more traditional enemies-to-lovers’ path—with Quentin as an active member of the FU Fighters—and the whole thing was going to be in his POV. Also, they weren’t even going to kiss until after the bank heist (which, yes, was going to be a thing here), but that got abandoned the fastest in favor of trying my hand at smut. But two things made me realize I needed to significantly shift course:

1) I was struggling to make Quentin actually feel like Quentin. I wrote this very atmospheric early scene at the FU Fighters encampment, with lots of description of the bonfires and the way their shirts dyed in Fillorian red looked like blood (you get it.) It took place in the black of night, shrouded in secrecy, and when Bayler questioned Quentin about his new husband, Quentin said something like, “He’s a drunk idiot, we have the advantage.” It was all very lush and dramatic, but it really, really, really didn’t feel like Q in any recognizable way to me. Now, I’m not someone who thinks Q needs to be a precious sweetheart all the time, but what I was writing didn’t have his idiosyncrasies or a motivation that felt true to who I feel he is.

2) The draft was DEFINITELY missing Eliot’s story and his perspective. I certainly don’t think Eliot’s POV is always necessary (sometimes not having his direct thoughts heightens tension in romance especially), but it felt really necessary here, to fill in the gaps of what Quentin was assuming and also—more importantly—because the events were just as impactful on him, but in a very different way. So I knew I was missing half the narrative, but that meant I would need to deal more explicitly with the Beast (i.e., Mike, the most devastating storyline to me, personally) and I really, really didn’t want to do that.

My first step in making a more recognizable Quentin was figuring out a way he could more or less use the same syntax that he does on the show. Voice is the first way I connect with a character, so while many writers in this fandom thrive at modifying speech patterns and keeping the heart of a character alive, keeping close to Quentin’s canon speech was an easy fix for me in a story I was excited to get rolling. Sort of like the old adage of uplifting your strengths before putting outsize energy into things you struggle with.

The easiest way I could think to give him the same syntax was to figure out a way Quentin spent some significant time on Earth during his formative years. And once I rewatched 2x06 and was reminded that Ess went to Phillips Exeter Academy for high school, I lost my damn mind. I started sketching out ways that Quentin could get there too and that’s how I built out the idea of Umber brokering a marriage deal with the actual landmass of Coldwater Cove, which included an education opportunity for the boys (in a nod to Fillory’s patriarchal nature), and also the reason why Umber did that, which was to take advantage of his brother’s orgy mistake with the first Children of Earth to usher in a more productive and orderly Fillory. So that created a whole new set of rules and essentially a whole new world for me to play with... all for the sake of Quentin getting to say “fuck.” It was that important to me. :p

And as I worked through all that, I realized I also wanted to give Q magic, since Quentin’s relationship with magic is something I’m interested in. But I had read on ye olde Tumblr that the reason Illario uses a wand in 2x06 is a nod to the books, where Fillorians specifically aren’t Magicians and that’s the rationale for the Children of Earth royalty. And while I generally see the books as interesting supplemental material with zero bearing on the television show canon, I still said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if Quentin was the only native born Fillorian who had magic and so the FU Fighters believe he’s the chosen true High King, but instead of it being because he’s ~special~, it’s because Umber made a clerical error? Lol! Hilarious!”

So while all my questions for how to explain all THAT spun out into more and more detail, at the same time...

I caved to the idea that this story was going to be a No Beast AU, just like my last two stories, mostly because I really couldn’t bring myself to deal with the Mike of it all, even tangentially. I could have just changed that single element, but I’m not a half-measure gal! But I still wanted to stick with the vague background theme of Fillory = adulthood from a questing perspective and I wanted Julia leading the charge this time, but without the sexual assault that occurs in canon. So obviously, the answer was avenging all of the murdered and cannibalized “grown-ups,” i.e., master Magicians, by seeking out help from the gods in a balanced Fillory free from the devastation of the Beast. Duh! ;)

So then, like anyone would do, I rewatched every episode up to 4x11 that makes a mention of Fillory and took about twenty pages of notes on the canon worldbuilding, along with an analysis of how much a particular piece of information would be impacted or not by balance in the realm. For instance, the existence of geraniums (per The Fillorian Candidate and Tick’s misunderstanding of “power plants”) and the lack of diamonds as a precious stone (per the River Watcher not knowing the value of Margo’s earrings in Knight of Crowns) struck me as static facts unaffected by Ember’s reign of chaos. But I shifted the overall feel of Fillory to one that’s more functional and a lot more bureaucratic, leaning on things like the existence of socialized health/vision/dental insurance (the idea of which is canonical, per a petition from the beavers requesting dental coverage from acting High King Josh in Ramifications), strict taxation plans, and an overall sense of thriving Ceremony to show Umber’s influence.

Basically, I wanted Eliot to inherit a much, much easier Fillory to rule—especially with the highly educated Quentin as a built-in and passionate advisor—mostly so it wouldn’t completely strain credulity when a lot of his energy goes toward his love life rather than the intricacies of ruling (though Margo would say he still favored his personal life more than he should have, and she wasn’t... wrong. He wants to be a husband more than a king!) But I specifically made it so most of the chaotic elements were played as whimsical (sorry) quirky shit or smaller hints of greater injustice (see: Ember getting rid of STDs, but still letting magic-poor citizens die of sepsis because that’s too boring to deal with), all while a cataclysmic danger lurked under the surface.

After that, I just filled in details as they worked with character stuff and plot stuff, and I tried to make sure they didn’t contradict each other in a way that couldn’t be chalked up to “chaos.” I basically lived with the Fillory map open all the time and also took screenshots of Benedict’s map of Loria, which gave me alternate ideas for the overall feel of the landmass rather than just the kingdom. And pretty much that’s the basic process I used to create the world! It was extremely fun, and I learned a lot, though I’m *definitely* focusing on some pure relationship kind of stuff for a while because... oof, sometimes it was a lot.

Annnnnnnd if you’re still with me, here’s some stray observations, for funsies:

I wanted Quentin and Eliot’s starting points to be more mature than in the show. Quentin when we’re introduced to him as an adult in LQoF is a lot more jaded and cautious than S1 Q, which is because in this world, his S1 mentality happened while he was on Earth and came to a head during the throes of his fucked up relationship with Bayler. Similarly, Eliot had already gone through a lot of shit too, and was much more self-actualized by the time he agreed to be High King here than in the show. It was still out of desperation for purpose, but not coming out of a direct trauma spiral. I think if they had been younger, both in age and mentality, the story wouldn’t have worked because they would’ve blown it up day two. They’re both still disasters, as we like to say, which is why the... everything happens, but they’re not disasters in the exact same way as in early canon. I thought of them as closer to their S3 selves, pre-Mosaic.

While I mostly kept Quentin’s syntax the same as on the show, I did change it up in some ways to reflect his Fillorian upbringing. The most obvious was replacing “goddamn” with “godsdamned” and “Jesus” with “Hades,” but I also made him slow on the Earth idiomatic uptake and slightly more likely to use passive voice and less likely to use contractions, especially early on and especially when speaking with Fen. He also said slightly out of date things even for someone who last remembered 1999, since Earth was still overwhelming despite his immersion. E.g.: In the epilogue, he asks Eliot if he can spend some time “Googling the World Wide Web” instead of watching Gossip Girl together, even though by 1999 most people were saying “on-line” or “the internet” by a pretty wide margin. But in my mind, the first term he learned was World Wide Web and he stuck to it like glue.

I originally had a full-blown coronation scene, where Quentin helped Eliot with the answers to the 90s questions via subtle charades, such as flapping his hands at his sides to give him the answer “Wings” (and Eliot was eventually going to Eliot-Logically use that moment to argue to Quentin that maybe Q really is the true High King since he was the one who actually answered the Knight’s questions, etc.), but I cut it and only showed bits and pieces in flashbacks because it didn’t really matter. They had to treat it seriously because it was An Event in this version of balanced/un-Beasted Fillory, with a full audience bearing witness, but the whole thrust of the external plot was about dismantling that moment and the concept of monarchy in general, so giving it too much weight outside of the Eliot and Julia friendship felt disingenuous to the story I was telling.

This is also why it was important to me that Margo hated the title High King Eliot the Kind, even though I only brought it up textually once or twice. But in my view, she fucking hated it and never came around to it. Which isn’t because she doesn’t think Eliot is kind, it’s that it felt like a simplification of all that he is, and the coronation ceremony in general felt similarly shallow. It wasn’t just the four of them working out their shit on the beach; it was true ceremony after a year of questing toil and a lot lingering uncertainty/resentments (especially regarding Julia), so it was too Big Shiny Happy Bow to her.

Yet on the same theme, my greatest regret was not being able to work in the fact that Margo’s title for Penny (King Penny the Persistent) was supposed to be half-sincere and half-sex joke. She did genuinely admire that he stuck it out even through his initial heartbreak because he gives a shit about his people underneath it all, but—and this is a very important headcanon to me—she admired his dedication to the art of the female orgasm even more.

I was originally also going to include the One Day More sequence with way more details—such as Umber taking the Javert lines, Ember taking the Thenardier lines, Bayler taking the Enjolras lines, and Penny taking the Marius lines, but... uh... writing a musical number is apparently not in my skill set. Also, honestly, the weirdness of the original is its whole charm and so I didn’t want to improve upon perfection. See also, in a more serious way: Eliot bowing to High King Margo on the Muntjac, the events of Plan B, and Quentin & Penny in the Flying Forest. Would not touch it!

My favorite Fillorian detail was either the guy who sent a citizen petition requesting a “smidgen” of Eliot’s earwax for an undisclosed purpose, or the use of the verb “to peg” to describe a Pegasus flock greeting an outsider with honor. They encapsulate the obscene yet pristine feel I always tried to give Fillory.

My favorite subtle(-ish?) ironic moment is Ess, the heir to a hereditary monarchy, taking Quentin to task for not honoring the anarchy patch on his high school backpack. In general, I don’t like everything being neatly resolved, including on an overarching world level. And I very strongly felt they had ZERO business meddling in Loria, so it left some fun-to-me unanswered questions. Will Ess usher in democracy for Loria based on his experiences on Earth? Maybe! Maybe not, since tradition’s a hell of a drug and Loria has its own history and complexities. Who knows?

I misread the town name Sutton as Sultan on the map the first time I referenced Bayler’s hometown (Sultan’s Ridge), but instead of going back to fix it, I just made it a sister town. Whatever!

I do not know how Quentin got a full bookshelf of Earth literature back to Fillory with him. Magic, I guess. (That’s the answer to anything I didn’t totally think through.)

I occasionally get asked whether Quentin and Fen were physically related. The answer is no, though it doesn’t totally matter. But I intended heart-cousins to be more like close family friends. (Though I actually originally had a joke where Eliot still wasn’t sure by the epilogue, but it didn’t land/feel realistic so I cut it.)

The details of the magic frequency poisoning were DEFINITELY what I thought through the least. My main goal was to have something catastrophic happen to Fillory based in part from the historical actions of the Children of Earth and Ember, patently ridiculously but with lasting consequences. Hence, god orgy that took away Fillorian human magic and sent out a slow poisoning of the overall magic “frequency.” It sounds all well and good, but it’s definitely something that would fall apart with even the lightest bit of prodding. It serves it’s purpose though, so I figured the gaps could be filled in or politely ignored. ;)

This question was way too much fun and a helpful retrospective for me! Thank you so much for indulging me, many moons ago. 💗