#it didnt work but its the thought that counts
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im musing on bleed & the types of character-player relationships between my pcs and npcs
for a quick primer, bleed is the exchange of thoughts and emotions between player and character (great article about bleed here). for a lot of people, bleed leads to more immersion in the character, which can mean a more emotionally resonant and rewarding experience. some people try to play for bleed and some try to avoid it, but a lot of the time its not controllable. and some people tend to experience high bleed generally while others rarely have bleed with their characters
i was pondering why i, broadly speaking, tend to have higher bleed with my npcs than i do with my pcs, because i assume that is the opposite of a lot of people. especially coming off of a changeling the lost arc with @theresattrpgforthat that was intended to be high bleed (& succeeded!!) which is not an experience i get with pcs a ton, especially so quickly
and i think what i landed on is that i almost always create pcs and npcs with different relationships to myself according to bowman's 9 types of character-player relationships
for my npcs, i have to put pieces of myself into them intentionally from the get go because im inhabiting a lot of different people and have to have some sort of connection point to jump into these different minds in unpredictable situations as quickly and smoothly as i can. sometimes an augmented self, sometimes a regressed self, sometimes an idealized self. i take all the Me and then i hit it with a pickaxe and put the fragmented pieces into all these guys so i have tethers to the whole cast
and then of course i have to take all these fragments of myself and figure out their role in an overall story and figure out what their personas are going to be ... then they get a character sheet, if they get one at all, if the game calls for them to have one
whereas almost all of my pcs start as experimental selves. depending on the game, theyre either mechanics-forward because i want to try a funky build, or i have one Concept i want to play with that i build a whole character around. a recently divorced wolf dad guardian in wanderhome. an former-hivemind-member insectoid cult leader in starfinder. a bard/paladin who works at medieval knights orlando in 5e. sometimes i end up finding a new relationship with these characters that invites some bleed and sometimes i dont. sometimes they just stay me doing mad science with the game mechanics
which is really interesting to me as someone who really enjoys bleed and immersion, when it goes well. i didnt realize this pattern at all until i was like okay. mint asked me to make a high bleed character, why did it actually work
i definitely think there are ttrpgs that invite bleed more than others. when done intentionally, these are called 'bleed designs'. im aiming for a bleed design with spiritkeep since thats kind of the whole point. of the ttrpgs ive played (i need to count, but maybe around 17 now? multiplayer games at least), i think the two that come to mind are apocalypse keys and changeling the lost, especially in character creation. maybe thats too telling about me, though! theyre both games that very intentionally play with themes of trauma and thats a big bleed factor for me
idk ... curious to hear what yall think!! adding a poll cause why not :)
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The chaos of god uncle atticus, young zenos, and solus trying to keep them in line.
#ffxiv#sketch#emet selch#solus zos galvus#zenos yae galvus#oc#atticus van simularus#ah the brief period in zenos' life where he was just a kid#aka atticus attempting to spoil the boy and kinda steal him so that he'd grow up to be relatively normal#it didnt work but its the thought that counts#and then there's emet- eternally weak to puppy eyes#forever cursing to zodiark that he got attached... again...#I made this to be wholesome and then I get to the last panel#where I just make myself sad as to the reason why atticus makes sure that he can lift all the galvus' if need be#also the concept that zenos never used the puppy eyes intentionally when he was a kid and emet only realized how much he missed them-#- after the more zenos sank into the monotony/his depression and he realizes he never sees them anymore
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ari@njd | 13.10.23
#timo meier#jack hughes#devils#pat pat for good luck#it didnt work but its the thought that counts#.gif#bench cam
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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Rewatching act 2.... yeah ISHA WATCH OUT FOR THE CYCLE ISHA!!!!! NOOOOO
#ambessa setting up the logs on a fireplace while literally adding fuel to the fire with cailtyn... subtelty#silco spent his whole life trying to rile the undercity together STUPID JOKE THAT IT IS you have the chance to pull it off#isha is the true revolutionary after all... jinx get up to her level#was jinx scared of having hallucinations when the girl she released was gonna touch her shoulder??? and then she didn't#what i find really funny is that warwick knows how to use elevators and that funicular to the prison#also there is a lot of blood when he appears in the prison.... it was surprising#vander recognizing jinx with the name of powder after she complained about it eariler its just crazy crazy crazy#people commenting that its unrealistic how caitlyn bests vi when they meet in episode 6 as if there wasn't a montage about how she lost her#edge because of alcohol and living like shit.... she's not like jinx lmao....#rewatching so recently is so weird i imagine it is as close as being dr manhattan as i can get it is literally happening all at once#also the people of piltover are so dumb... lets let the government implement martial law and put this 20 something with 0 political#experience on charge with the army of this outsider agent. alright. i can tell you guys dont vote in this oligarchy you know fuck all#well i guess in that case it isnt the people of piltovers fault... just the important families that contribute in this oligarchy...#putting count fagula in charge.... salo is speciallt dumb but we all knew that#katie leung needs awards btw.... and interviews#“do not test this or you will yearn for caitlyn's dungeons” be careful singed my friend vi fell for that and look at her... her dungeons...#vander reaching for isha not jinx.... OR VI.... she just stopped him#“hes gonna kill you” and vi fighting vander to protect jinx.... yeah#and then she trusts jinx and the beast turns into vander... he serves as a recognizing tool for their true selves...#their mom being so worried about how to name vi and then names the second one POWDER kahdksjsk never not funny... also the barber of zaun#when vi joins with jayce she unlocks this loser flop aspect of her mother's inheritance.... two losers joining to maximize their joint flop#also vander kinda giving up this promise to protect the girls instead of bettering zaun... how it puts him in a standstill bc it's either or#like damn there is nothing as undoing as a daughter for reals. she didnt experience that bc she died so now vander has to and here we are#episide 6 starts with the end of the episode when viktor drops that metal piece..... hello..... is this anything#“do you think this place could work” underground utopia.... DYNASTIES AND DYSTOPIA FEAR IS NEVER AN OPTION SO DYING'S NOT A REAL PROBLEM#didnt ambessa suspect anything when they spent loke a full minite staring at each other 😭😭 she's lost her edge...#just like when she clocked sevika but not jinx... when there's a strong butch in the area her radar gets jammed up#and caitlyn leaving her weapon behind... ambessa thought she was gonna fistfight warwick or something#the metal thing falling when viktor dies repeats THREE TIMES WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#watching arcane season 2
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning ��👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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Re:Kinder Fun Facts of the day☺️!!! Have you ever wondered who talks the most from the main cast in Re:Kinder?? Well, I did😊. Today I'll be answering this question with some graphs and as a bonus telling you what words each character uses the most! I will warn you, this will be a bit long and I don't know how to be less verbose so, yeah!!!
First, I've made some basic rules as to what I counted regarding how much the characters speak. Not all lines really count as speaking, after all.
Any of the incoherent screaming lines don't count. There's a lot of screaming since the characters die a lot (as expected for a horror RPG game), but I don't really count that as speaking unless they're saying proper words. In that same vein, I didn't really count any of the panting or sniffing and such that are conveyed through words. Again, I don't really see that as a character actively speaking their thoughts!
If I cannot tell who a line belongs to, I will not give it to anyone. This happens for certain lines, so I felt this rule was important.
I won't be counting repetitions of the same line if it's on a variation of the same scene. This may sound a bit strange, but when a character dies, the game goes on to the same next scene it would regardless (unless the scene that follows it is an ending), with variations and new lines here and there to account for the dead character, but a lot will be reused and placed in the exact same beats it normally would have been in originally. So, this rule is here for that. Oh, and also the scenes with bits of Yuuichi's backstory that appear in Shunsuke's head won't be counted twice, because some appear twice line by line.
Of course, the "..." lines won't count. I am so sorry Aya!!!!😞
Now that the ground rules have been set, there's just one thing I want to mention. Though I will count all the total lines for Takumi and Yuuichi like any other character, I just want to mention that first I will have two separate counts for them! Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart respectively.
Takumiel is separate because I was curious about how much Takumi spoke as an archangel compared to when he was alive. Yuuichi's Heart is because he speaks so much he feels notable enough to be given his own division, even if he and Yuuichi at the end of the day are one person
(I count the silly mind telepathy where Shunsuke is being directly spoken to [and being told things normal Yuu would avoid saying at that point] and the comical theater as Yuuichi's Heart. I clarify in case one assumes he only starts being counted the moment he's directly labelled as Yuuichi's Heart. Any line that can't be distinguished between Yuuichi's Heart and Yuuichi will be given to Yuuichi by default.)
With nothing else to be clarified let's get to the numbers!!!😊😊
First, the line counts with Takumiel and Yuuichi's Heart counted individually!! Here are the rankings:
Shunsuke (With a lead of 535 lines over second place!!)
Yuuichi
Rei
Yuuichi's Heart
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
You may be thinking— woah, does Shunsuke really speak that much?! You could say that, for a good chunk of those lines are from how he describes interactable points around the map and his inner thoughts, so they aren't all exactly said out loud. The benefit of being the protagonist, I suppose ww
Funny enough, Yuuichi's Heart has almost as many lines as Yuuichi does for not having that much time in the game, being on the higher end between the characters that don't get the benefit of being a protagonist (lol)!
Admittedly I had expected for Rei and Hiroto to have a more similar amount of lines given their nearly equal amount of presence, but for what it is Rei surpassed Hiroto by 51 lines! I also had expected for Takumiel to speak a little bit more than Takumi but turns out the opposite is true.
While the lack of lines of Takumi and Takumiel are to be expected due to their short time on the game, what stands out is Aya not even reaching triple digits between her other peers who are in there for most of the game. This is because a good chunk of Aya's lines in game are silence!^^" And thus weren't counted. If ellipses were a word, she surely would have reached triple digits, but unfortunately they're not.
Now the line count with combined sums of Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart!!!
In here, the ranking isn't affected, with Yuuichi remaining second place and Takumi being last place. But the disparity of everyone's numbers compared to Takumi's feels a bit more clear to see when Takumiel isn't individually counted.
With Yuuichi's line counts combined, Shunsuke remains 318 lines ahead of him, but it also means Yuuichi has a 59% the amount of Shunsuke's lines; and impressive feat for someone who doesn't get the benefit of being the point of view for everything you press... Although he does also have an upper hand over everyone by essentially being the plot of this game ww
But maybe line counts do not suffice to tell how much a character speaks. Yes, Shunsuke has a bunch of lines from everything he interacts with, but is it really reliable to say he speaks all that much in all those lines? A good chunk of those could easily have 3 words each! So with this in mind, let's do a word count.
Even in a word count, Shunsuke has the lead, having a lead of 2,247 words over second place. But we'll see about that when we combine Yuuichi's numbers. Anyway, here's the ranking!
Shunsuke
Yuuichi's Heart
Yuuichi
Rei
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
This time, Yuuichi's Heart is the one at second place!!! It's pretty funny that he speaks more than his physical counterpart ww. I genuinely didnt think he'd out yap himself that way when I chose to count for him individually 😭!!! He has a lead of 63 words over himself, but a lead nonetheless.
In here, Rei and Hiroto are more even than in the line counts, with the difference seeming more minimal when put into words. But it also showcases that despite Rei having more lines than Yuuichi's Heart in the line count, those only get to have a bit over half of the amount of words he talks (To be fair he does get to infodump a lot in his section of the game).
And here's the combined word count!!! Suddenly Shunsuke's lead is only by a mere 55 words! So Yuuichi speaks about as much as he does with 318 less lines.
I must admit that I genuinely did not expect it to be that close. When I chose to count the lines for when you interact with things for Shunsuke, I thought he was granted to speak an absurd amount more than anyone else. But turns out that Yuuichi speaks about the same amount out loud when most of Shunsuke's are his own thoughts ww. But it does make sense! He is still the plot of this game.
So, after all those charts, here's the average/middle point of lines and words for characters to have, because why not, it's fun.
Average Line Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 197 lines
Average Line Count (When combined): 247 lines
Average Word Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 1,333 words
Average Word Count (When combined): 1,666 words
So there it is. That's how much the characters in Re:Kinder speak!
But wait!!! I am not done. I will share with you an additional fun fact... Did you ever want to know what word each of these characters said the most?! This one will be quicker, I do promise.
When it came to counting these words I did not count stop words, that being common words that are used all the time by everyone in English. "I, you, me, the, to, a, my, your, yes, no"... Words like that! Otherwise everyone would have one of those as their most said word and it'd be rather boring to look at. With that said, here are the words these characters say the most!
Shunsuke: Yuuichi - said 40 times! (this genuinely confused me so much im sorry he uses interjections so much I had expected it to be something like "huh" or "um" but no i dont know how this passed by me as i was rounding up all the lines he says or proofreading or writing all of those lines WHAT?!?! its been two days and it still takes me out)
Ryou: Shunsuke - Said 14 times
Sayaka: Murderer - Said 7 times (All in one sentence!)
Takumi | Takumiel (counted in one for how little he speaks.): Takumiel - Said 3 times (That name is so important, he said it thrice.)
Aya: Sorry - Said 5 times
Rei: Hell, gonna, look, Yuuchi - said 8 times (Most of the repeated words she says are stop words for she doesn't tend to speak about the same things repeatedly.)
Hiroto: Shunsuke - Said 17 times
Yuuichi (separate from YH): Problem - Said 17 times
Yuuichi's Heart: Mama - Said 24 times
Yuuichi (Overall): Mama - Said 31 times
So that is finally it. That is the fun fact of today.😊😊 Use this to woe your friends at parties!!!
I am aware Mami speaks about enough to be counted in, but this is pretty time consuming to do and I'm not sure anyone is invested on her enough to count her in. But if there's enough curiosity regarding that, I'll try counting her in. But for now this suffices.☺️ Thanks for reading!
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#fun fact!!!#i talk!!!#ive been at this for... two days how yall doing😊#ive thought of doing this since when i started by transcript of rekinder but i wasnt ready to do that after finishing that beast of a scrip#so here it is later than i anticipated! it is more time-consuming than i thought considering i have the benefit of the transcript#so when i was getting to doing mami i was already tired ww 😭 love her but this is just a silly bonus thing i throw out#so im not as ready to spend more than the several hours i already spent than with other funny silly proyects#i have more things i want to work on more😊!!! and also the semester is ending soon ww#ANYWAYYY#THIS WAS FUN THOUGH!!!#originally i wasnt going to count the things you can interact with for shunsuke but they are so obviously said by him i just had to#I WAS GOING TO IGNORE IT BUT THEN MY CONSCIOUSNESS TOLD ME... NO.... YOURE ROBBING HIM OF PERFECTLY FINE LINES!!!! 💔💔#so now his numbers are absurdly high#i still cant believe he said yuuichi more than huh i cannot believe that . like. he says huh 5 times less BUT STILL#i really wrote a whole transcript proofread it for 30+ hours then went back to do a line count for several more hours#and didnt notice the protagonist of this game said the name of my favorite character a million times#I NOTICED A “HUH” MORE THAN A NAME COME ONBRUEJWJFNNW#i dont really make any comments regarding ryou or sayaka in here as much because their numbers are exactly as i had expected#about the same amount not too much... its nothing groundbreaking to make a comment out just saying#if anyone is curious yuu says vamos cantar only 6 times#no one's most said word is particularly surprising to me after shunsuke but i did have a stroke seeing problem pop up for yuu#the document i was writing all of this info in before doing this post was very tidy and organized very well articulated until thay happened#i was perfectly expecting him to mention one of his parents the most overall but when separated from Yuuichi’s heart i did not knwo what#so when problem popped up my gut reaction was thinking that i wasnt making it to the end of the document no one speak to me i felt#IT . IT MAKES SENSE but it isnt fun💔#i wasnt even going to count yuuichis heart most said word until he out yapped himself admittedly#I SEPARATED HIM FROM USUAL YUU FOR THE LOLS I DIDNT THINK HE'D SPEAK THAT MUCH
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laalalalala another vent post because i have no therapist to pay for listening to my bullshit
#i just dont fucking get it lol#like i genuinely just cannot grasp the concept#i dont usually do this but i finally snapped and asked her if she thought about how *I* would feel when she texts me#about the 'letting herself go' and how she's disgusting and a monster. and she hits me with a 'no because this is how she feels#she's feeling really really badly so that's what she's thinking about atm' like ok??????????? is this like. normal?#because no matter how horrible i feel at any point of time i will ALWAYS think about how my words may affect the other person FIRST#because the last thing i want is to make someone feel worse because i feel bad. there is a constant calculus party going in my brain#where i try to calculate how much and in what words i can tell say to this particular person to absolutely minimise the chance#that they'll feel bad or uncomfortable or whatever because of what i say. ofc i will slip up and miscalculate every once in a while#shit happens and i am sorry if i do but at least i can honestly say to myself that i did what i could to Not do that.#i will always think about the other person first because (usually) id like people to return the same action towards me.#and idk maybe im tweaking here but isnt that like. normal???? like the obvious logical thing to do they teach you in kindergarten?#sorry. heavily catholic upbringing moment but what happened to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'????????#anyway. obviously there will always be slip ups and unusual occasions but to openly just state that because you were feeling really bad#you didnt really care what the other person would feel when you tell them something is fucking WILD to me. like genuinely inconceivable.#this is not to assume a holier-than-thou persona but i really do think this is the normal fucking thing to do if you're an adult?????#like oh my god sometimes you will just have to shut up and not fully vent upon someone especially if its uninvited and out of the blue#i think its different if you're having a heart-to-heart trauma bonding moment or sth and someone *asks you* to vent etc etc#but to just treat every instance when you're feeling bad as a permission to just say whatever with 0 consideration for the other person???#wild. really fucking weird to me that's all.#✨tumblr vent posts✨ dont count ofc you are not only allowed but legally required to say the deepest most horrible batshit insane thoughts#that ever cross your mind <33 like i would not tell a person irl that i daydream about the woodchipper thing obviously cause its fuckn nuts#uwu teehee episode 2137 of 'i dont understand the way the world and other people work and its driving me insane lol&lmao'
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I'm so obsessed with your scientific-style explanations + diagrams.. it feels like I've stumbled on a dusty diary under a floorboard full of unknown facts.. 👍
I don't really know how to put this, but it flatters me, calling my writing "scientific". Like when I write, I have certain targets I wanna hit and some of the things people have been describing my work as are like bonus targets I wasn't aware my work could hit. I think this almost applies doubly so to the drawings I've included on my headcanon posts. I treat the majority of my drawings like shitposts, though I suppose there is some intersection between "scientific diagram" and "shitpost" (that being scientific diagrams that look like shitposts).
The comparison to a diary hidden under the floorboards is also somewhat apt, considering all (most, I still need to upload my dark plant theories) of my posts have been compiled into a lore book of sorts ;) (it's not a real book, read the "About" section)
#additional comment i didnt know how to fit in: one person described my dark plant theories as speculative biology and i was like#'i didnt know that my writing counts as spec. bio'#saying this because i was once working on a project i specifically thought of as spec. bio#so when i was doing all of this for funsies the possibility of it being a similar thing never registered#if anyone is curious about that aforementioned project#you can read it here: pip-pepping.neocities.org/species/psions/#im not really working on it right now but its not completely called off either#sky is my current focus and i shall work on my space shrimps when i feel like it#mufo answers
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Sorry I gotta rant in the tags like a maniac because we have nobody to talk to about this without risking our closest friendship. Nobody is required to read and honestly I'd encourage ignoring it
#fuck we are falling apart and need to not be the person they lean on for a while because things cant keep going on like this#we broke up for a REASON. a big fucking reason. were obviously better as friends#it wasnt even a problem when we were fwbs we could just exist under the knowledge that it was Just Sex and nothing more so WHY now that it's#also ended are we constantly fighting feelings for them and having so many intrusive thoughts about getting back with them. its not fair to#them. theyve JUST been through a really shitty breakup and we are NOT a good enough person for them. and god help us if they somehow find#out or work it out or we get too drunk or high and say something. i think they'd feel betrayed.#and if they do find out then what about the concert in march. how the fuck would we be meant to spend that long together if they're#uncomfortable being around us. just throw over 200 down the drain? sell our ticket to someone they can actually stand being around?#theyve been so nice and sweet and soft with us all weekend and we cant stop overthinking it. i hate the thoughts of 'what if they still like#us that way too?' its not fair. its not fair to them its not fair to us#havent we been through enough without losing our closest friend AGAIN? i don't know which is worse#at least when 🟢 died we knew she didnt hate us. we can mourn her without looking pathetic. if they hate us and feel betrayed that weve#started falling for them again then we can't even mourn. we'll look like a creep. a predator. i cant stand any of this.#like was it not enough that we already failed them once so badly that we hate ourselves? now this? we turned off our ability to feel love#YEARS AGO. why is it back#why is it fucking our entire life up AGAIN.#theres nobody we can talk to. we're not entirely sure who we even are right now. just so many of us under so much pressure. i cant begin to#even count who's stuck up front with me and the host
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i feel rlly inspired to write today but i have to keep writing this fuckass manuscript for school so lemme drop some ideas here
#d/p ship fic where they go to dunkin together!! just a lil blurb. why do they go??? sad day maybe???#hmmm not sure#i think it woul dbe cute if they got out early for some insane reason and maybe she was sad and had been counting on work so she like#didnt have to go home with her thoughts OR... maybe something annoying at office!! i like that more smthn sensory bad maybe#and they go to burn time together????? i think so!#em -- if ur reading this#this is for the dwight/pam thing . lmk what u think#other ideas: work on my story where they go sailing and move in together after the brief stranding and become obsessed with eachother and#they fall in love and then theres the drama. its all very I***** H****** core and it reminds you of summer and secrets and that like#inside your stomach and chest burning of Just Wanting to Say something with the burn getting like. stuck in throat bc u cant talk abt it#ADDITIONALLY. FINISH THAT FUCKING SAW FIC#THEYRE GONNA BONE IN THAT FUCKING BATHROOM BABY#notes to self
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mmmmm want draw and keep working on funny cog ocs but also i did NOT get to rain world yesterday. ourhghh
#maybe i should go get breakfast or. almost lunch#however i dont like passing near dad#i have one meal a day regularly its ok ill eat whenever moms back#im. still so mad.#when mom said 4 days of dad staying at hom#i thought itd be just that#HOWEVER THE DAYS MY PARENTS ARE TYPICALLY STAYING HOME ROM WORK DIDNT COUNT#SO IM FORCED TO BE ALONE WITH DAD. AGAIN#SAME THING TOMORROW.#then theyre both home which extends it :]#im gonna be so mad i was finally happy ill have alone time / be away from dad finally#its. annoying.#id say its a bad timing when theres more tension between me and him again but no#its literally bc hes at home the whole time and also dares shit he wouldnt without mom#tho he doesnt do shit all day im fine ill just be bothered if i walk past and he notices me#nighttime with dad is the worst however
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#group work is the actual devil what the fuck#tell me why im the only bitch in this group of FIVE to have my section done before the literal day before its due#and i had it fully referenced w footnotes in the correct format#these bitches finally paste in their shitty ass sections of the question and are then like#'oh no we went over the word count'#WELL MAYBE IF YOUD DONE IT EARLIER U COULD HAVE EDITED IT TO GET IT LOWER.#anyway their strategy for dealing with being over the word count#WAS TO DELETE MY FOOTNOTES#AND NONE OF THEM BOTHERED WITH REFERENCING#SO THE ENTIRE BODY OF WORK IS NOW COMPLETELY UNREFERENCED#if we get pulled in front of those plagiarism trial things im kmsing#u know i have always half assed academics but i rlly thought fkn law school at a top 5 uni wld maybe be full of people who didnt do that#instead im dealing w people who dont even half ass. not a singular ass cheek of effort.#is this karma?? karma for my sins?#nyxi cant stfu
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forgot abt my fantasy au for a hot sec (thoughts abt this au under cut ^_^)
yolay is counting the days down til she can be come queen and completely rework the system from the ground up LLLLOOOOLLLLLL
sarah has grudges against the government which is why she runs an underground news outlet . this is also why she and yolay get along. i like to think she was complaining abt the kingdom 2 her without realizing she was the princess and yolay was like I agree with u 100%. U should be my advisor when i become queen. (YURI WIN!)
dog man is created bc he + knight get cursed (by petey) . irreversible btw
i think dog man plays some kind of small wind instrument in this au (pan flute mayhaps) . and he teaches lil petey. i js dont think hed play the piano bc of the setting .
i didnt draw nurse lady but shes a cleric .
petey abandons lil petey in the woods in this au (im thinking it was Somewhat on accident. he was walking too fast and he kinda knew it and when he lost lil petey he was like well . taht worked out ig <- guy who is about to feel remorse so great it crushes his soul)
dog man finds lil petey bc hes on patrol or smth . or hes js running through the woods. knowing him its probs the latter
the ourple stones on petey and lil peteys fits are js magic stones . lil peteys stone has a protection spell cast on it . idk abt peteys. i think the cuff stones inherently have magic in them and the cloak + belt stones he imbued w his own magic .
petey is a magic user but he understands the effectiveness of using machinery . thus artificer (ty to person who rbed my first post of this au asking if petey is an artificer bc i had no idea that was even a thing . but that is def him dawg)
peteys main vessels for magic r the purple stones and lilac flowers (stones for defensive/ability enhancing spells and lilacs for destructive spells) . he can use other things in a pinch but he js prefers those .
dog mans main job in this au is to be yolays personal guard . mostly at yolays insistence bc she fw dog man heavy . i think she tends to have a better day when dog mans guarding her js bc he cares less abt maintaining strict etiquette and . well yk . hes dog man. goling
in this universe theres an asl equivalent (so js a sign language for deaf people) but theres also a sign language used by thieves . this is a language that petey knows and hes the one who ends up teaching dog man how to sign . altho it results in dog man only being able to use it to talk to petey and some criminals. but he probs ends up learning the common sign language through that
theres probs more but i cant think of anything ^_^ LOL so thats it
#my art#petey the cat#dogman#dog man#petey#lil petey#sarah hatoff#yolay caprese#dogman chief#clarence bailey#dm fantasy au#dm aus
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Does anyone else get the urge to stand out in a rainstorm, or is that just a me think??
#definitely didnt have this thought because i just did that#maybe its a florida think#anyway i feel 100 time lighter now#im counting this as shadow work
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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐃
DAY 16: PILLOW HUMPING + PHONE SEX
With: Tamaki Amajiki
Word Count: 3.1k
Warnings: Sub! Top! Tamaki, bottom! gn! reader, praise kink, slight breeding kink, reader is a slight tease and tamaki is trying not to pass out from embaressment, fantasies, creampie in fantasy Y/N? does that need a tag?
A/N: another fic i STRUGGLED with. idk whyyyy.
Tamaki knows he shouldn't be doing this. He knows that if anyone ever saw him, he would be deemed a weirdo, a pervert, really. But it was just so hard.
It's not fair that you left him alone. Its not fair that you made him miss you until his heart ached. It's not fair that you havent touched him in longer than three weeks. Its not fair that he is here, straddling a pillow, while you probably aren't even thinking of him at all.
The whole thing makes him fume red. Humping a pillow was as desperate as it gets. His hand wasnt doing it for him anymore, he needs to move his hips, pretend he is fucking something. It was bound to give him more satisfaction. Or he hoped it did, but it doesnt change the fact that it was embarrassing.
The pillow was soft, but sturdy, and held a bit of stability. It wouldn't crumble against the sheets with each thrust, nor be too feathery to really feel anything. A good pillow – it will work fine.
He wears one of your shirts. An oversized one, that seems to drown him with the fabric. It smelled like you, and he has to refrain from pressing the collar of it against his nose. It would only turn him on more, and thats not what he needed right now.
Tamaki's hands tremble as he adjusts himself. He flips the hem of your shirt upward to give himself a view of his thin cock. Its red, and pulsing, ready for him to begin moving. He brings his hands up to his face, covering it with the back of his palm. “So embarrassing,” He whines into the empty room, but not moving from his position on top of the pillow.
He stables himself, and then very hesitantly drags his hips forward. The bottom of his dick grazes against the pillow and he takes a deep breath. Its soft, slightly cold from the lack of human contact with it, but he doesnt mind warming it up. He grinds himself forward again, his two hands gripping at the front of the pillow to slightly pull it up, giving him more area to brush himself on.
He whimpers, closing his eyes and falling into a steady pace. It's not as pleasurable as he wanted it to be, and it was driving him insane. But he liked the feeling of riding something, and he pretended the pillow was you. The thought spurs him on, and his pace begins to pick up. The movements of his hips are short, quick, and he slightly bounces on it. Tamakis breath becomes short, and he sighs into the open air, throwing his head back and humping whatever surface of the soft fabric he could.
A couple minutes go by and he was on the verge of crying from frustration. It barely made him feel any better, and he was going to have to be here for awhile if he wanted to cum. He grabs onto your shirt and brings it up to his nose, inhaling your scent and groaning into the fabric. It made him feel a bit better.
Suddenly, he hears the familiar vibrations from his phone. He was getting a call, and the last thing he wanted to do was talk to someone. But, he wasn't one to ignore something that could be important. So, he leans forward and flips over the phone. When he sees your name with an abundance of heart emojis that you typed in for your own contant info, his eyes light up.
He inches toward the answer button, but pauses for a second, realizing the position he is in. It was definitely not appropriate to talk to you like this, but he wanted desperately to hear your voice. It was gross and pathetic, but didnt you say you like when he acts pathetic? Besides, you could definitely fix his problem. You know exactly what to do to make him feel good.
So he answers the phone, and waits for you to speak.
“Hey love,” You hum through his phone, and he almost whines out from that alone. He glances back down at his cock, a glob of precum dripping down pathetically onto the pillow. He covers his face in embarrassment.
“Hi Y/N,” He mumbles into the mic, staring at his fingers, and doing anything he can to ignore his cock. He wants to ask you for help, but how? Even after all this time of being together, he has never voiced his sexual wants and needs. It was just too hard to, and besides you always seemed to find out his desires one way or another.
“Whatcha up to?”
Tamaki pauses. Lying was definitely not one of his specialties, and to you? He was a goner for sure. He goes silent for longer than 30 seconds. “Tamaki?”
“Something I shouldn't be doing,” He whispers, falling forward to rest his cheek on the mattress. He still lays straddling the pillow, but now his cock was trapped between his stomach, and the pillow.
A slight giggle comes from the phone, and he gulps, ignoring the way his dick twitches. “Are you doing something naughty?”
Naughty. Such a childish word, but it was the perfect adjective to describe his situation. It made him feel small, and strangely it brought comfort to him. He nods into the mattress, his hips moving without his permission, and continuing their grinding movements.
“You've gotta speak up for me, love.”
He may be shy, but he would never dare to not listen to a command. “Yes. Sorry.”
“Yes what?”
He lets out a small whimper, barely audible over the phone. “‘m doing something…naughty.”
The dark haired boy squirms on the bed, listening to the way you inhale sharply. His hands begin to travel downward, but he stops himself before he could start stroking himself off. “What are you doing, love?”
He goes silent for a couple seconds, and he continues to shift around the bed. He gulps and looks down at his leaking cock, and then away. “I’m….I’m humping a…pillow?”
You let out a dramatic, slightly teasing gasp. “So dirty, Tamaki!”
He wants to curl up into a ball and die from embarrassment. He knows you are just poking fun at him, but truly everything about this was so humiliating. “I-I know! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just miss you so much!” He warbles into the mic, wiping away a stray tear before it could fall.
He was so unbelievably cute, and his plea made your heart throb. “S’alright, relax, love. I miss you so much. So so much,” You reassure, closing your eyes to listen to his breathing. ‘
You hear a sniffle on the other end of the phone. “Why are you crying?”
You expected to hear a response declaring how much he missed seeing you, or having you around. Or maybe how lonely he felt. What you didn't expect was for him to say, “‘m not crying! Im frustrated because I cant cum!”
Tamaki being blunt about his needs was unheard of, and the shock of it made you bark a laugh. He shakes his head into the mattress, but begins his humping again. You already knew at this point what he was doing, and he was already as embarrassed as it gets, so he rather search for more pleasure than wither is his own misery.
“Well are you doing it right?”
He pauses his movements. Was there a right or wrong way to do it? His horny brain was screaming at him to just get any sort of friction from the white item, but was there a better way to do it? To feel more pleasurable? “I-I dont know…”
“Aren't you pretending that I'm the pillow?” Your words make him yelp, and you hold back a snicker. You were right of course, but the fact that you knew about it made him want to dig himself a hole to hide in.
But nevertheless, his hips havent stopped their movements. Its a slow pace, just enough to make his breaths heavier. “Yeah,” He breathes into the mic, so quite that you almost missed it.
You hum to yourself, hand traveling over your own body to get yourself in the mood. “Then you need a hole to fuck, dont you, pretty boy?”
The statement causes him to lose his breath and he can't think quick enough to find a response. You continue on, “Put two pillows together so that you can get friction on both sides of your pretty little cock. It will feel so much better,” You encourage, and his eyes instantly travel to the extra pillow just inches away from him. He gulps, but grabs onto it, and places it under his lower stomach and on top of his dick.
“N-Now what?”
“It's not rocket science, silly. Fuck it now. But make sure to keep the pillow beneath your stomach, so that the hole is tighter.”
He blushes at his stupid words, but instead focuses on your advice. He pulls out, and then pushes himself back into the two soft cushions. He groans out, and sets the phone on speaker and places it next to his face. This was way better, and he needed to focus.
You hear his breaths get quicker and you smile. “There ya are. Does it feel better, Tamaki?”
He uses his hands to push the pillows together, creating a even smaller hole. But he nods at your words, staring at your profile picture with tears in his eyes. “W-Wish it was you. Not as tight…Warm.”
You hands travel toward your pants at the words. “Yeah? Use your imagination, love. Pretend that's me, what do you want to do with me?”
His whole body caves over on himself, and he bucks his hips frantically. His face is a bright shade of pink, and he wears a wobbly, but content smile. “Wanna—Wanna….You to tell me what to do,” He whines out, fingers dragging along the beds sheets, wishing it was your back.
You snicker at him, not surprised by his words. “You are hopeless, Tamaki. So submissive, its so cute, you know that? You know how cute you are?”
He covers his face with his arm, moaning and whining into the soft skin. “Stop it…” He mumbles half heartedly, loving every drop of praise from your mouth.
“You love it,” You tease, and he secretly nods into the bedsheets, but not daring to tell you. “Alright, let's have you cum, hmm? Can you close your eyes for me?”
His eyes flutter shut before you could even finish your sentence. “‘kay.”
“Good job,” You murmur, and he gulps, nuzzling his face into the bed, pretending it’s your chest. “Now move your hips for me. In and out, yeah?.”
He doesn’t have to do much, considering that he has been doing this exact same movement for the past couple minutes now. He doesn’t say anything, afraid you may poke fun at him again. “Tamakiiiii,” You purr, “I need to hear a response.”
“Sorry. Yes, yes, I‘m doing it. Promise!” He splutters, trying to maintain a steady pace of breathing. It was feeling so much better with both sides hugging him, but your voice was definitely helping as well.
You let out a breath, and smile. “Good boy. Now, tell me, what are you imagining. Wanna hear the specifics, love.”
He whines at this. He didnt want to expose his thoughts; you would definitely think he was weird. A pervert who cant go a couple weeks without cumming. “Nooooo,” He whimpers, eyes still shut. “So embarrassing.”
Your voice turns commanding in an instant. “Oh? Stop moving then.”
Unwillingly he listens, his body so used to listening to your commands, that he doesn't even process what you said until he stopped his hips. He groans into the sheets, and feels his cock twitch within the pillows. It doesn't want to stop. “Noooo,” He complains once more, hating the way tears begin to build up, and threaten to spill over his closed eyes.
Your heart throbs at the small whimpers he lets out, and your strict tone seems to melt away. “You have to listen if you want to cum, baby. I know its embarrassing, but I want you to feel good. Dont be shy, I won't judge you.”
You hear a sniffle from the other end of the phone. “Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. C-Can I move now? I'll tell you my…my fantasy.”
You hum encouragingly at him, and he takes it as a yes, slowly beginning to move his hips again. He sighs at the softness, nodding his head to himself. But, he doesn't get too lost in his pleasure, he has to hold up the end of the bargain. “I-Im pretended the pillow is you.”
You roll your eyes slightly, a grin on your face. He was obviously nervous if he was stating the obvious. “Yeah? Are you fucking me nice and hard?”
Your words are so lewd and he fumes red at them. “U-Um…Yeah. Y-You feel so good.” Referring to the makeshift hole as you, makes him feel slightly bad. He knows you are may more than that to him. But it was obvious that you were trying to initiate some sort of phone sex, and he didn't want to ruin the moment.
Your fingers travel down to your pants, and you finally get comfortable. You begin to touch yourself, trying to imagine yourself into his fantasy. “So deep Tamaki,” You purr, sighing into the mic.
His eyes widen for a split second, but he quickly shuts them again. At your words, he finds himself thrusting himself deeper into the hole, mewling out as pre covers the soft fabric. He finds himself imagining you beneath him, grinning up at him with a flushed out, but cocky grin.
“Fuck,” He whispers gently to the image of you. “I missed you so much. So so much.”
“Missed you too,” You murmur, throwing your head back slightly. “Doing so well for me.”
His hips stutters at the praise, and he gulps. Whenever you praise him, it sends his head spinning, and he loves it more than anything. “F-For you. Only for you!”
The position he was in was so lewd. His mouth slightly gnawing on his hand, his hips thrusting into two pillows, and his body a bright shade of pink. The bed was even creaking from his intense movements, but he didnt seem to care. “P-Praise me…More, please?”
“You're doing so good. Making me feel so good, Tamaki. Are you going to make me cum?”
He nods his head frantically, loving the idea more than anything. To make himself cum was one thing, but making you feel good enough to cum was a whole other thing. It made the service sub in him preen, and his thrusts are more desperate now. He imagines you shivering, and moaning into his neck, maybe even leaving scratch marks down his back. “Yes. Yes, I'll make you cum. I'll make you feel so good, please!”
You smile lazily at the wall. “Such a good boy. I'm so lucky to have such a pretty and obedient boyfriend.”
A wobbly smile is tugging at his face, and he feels like a schoolgirl. Giddy, and nervous around you and your voice. He swears the fantasy becomes more surreal. The pillow seems to be hugging him just how you would, and in the back of his mind he can hear the slapping of skin upon skin. “I love you. I love you so much, you feel so good. I can't hold it much longer!”
“Aw are you going to cum already?” You tease, feeling your own high approaching rapidly.
At the words he lets out a dramatic whine, feeling guilty. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Y-You just…oh god. Feel so good!” He warbles, shaking hands gripping onto the phone. He spreads his legs out wider, finding a new position to thrust his hips. His hair begins to stick to his head, and with every breath, a moan slips past his lips.
You are on the same page, hands moving quicker to hopefully match his high. “Its alright. Im going to cum to. Are you going to cum inside me? Wanna fill me up?”
He heaves at your words, hearts in his eyes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He did desperately. It was way better than pulling out, or cumming into the condom. “Please! Please!”
His moans are high in pitch now, and his pace is sporatic. They are frantic though, and the entire bed shakes with his fierce movements.
“Good boy. Cum inside me then,” You purr directly into the mic, and his eyes fly open when he cums. He lets out a high pitched scream, and bites his hand to try and stay quite. The boys hips ram into the pillow, and his thoughts are cloudy, thinking about how deep he must be cumming in you. His whole body is shivering in pleasure, and he wears a small smile.
You cum a moment later, shaking and sighing, but not making as much noise as your beloved. You didnt mind, his high pitched moans and screams were cute, you just wished he got over that stupid need to bite his hand whenever he cums. It muffles them way too much for your liking.
Post nut clarity hits Tamaki like a truck and his face turns a bright shade of red. Asking you to praise him, and even begging to cum “inside” you? Humiliating.
“I know what you are thinking, love. Dont be embarrassed. It was fun. Good. What lovers do,” You reassure, knowing his anxiety gets the better of him.
He takes comfort in your words immediately, slightly nodding to himself and trying to think of something else to hopefully die down the embaressment. He feels exhausted, and instead focuses on that. He pulls out of the pillows with a sigh and brings the phone to his face to begin wishing you goodnight.
His eyes widen when he realizes something, and he lets out a dramatic gasp.
The sound makes you perk up, and you are on immediate alert. “Whats wrong?”
“Oh no. This is bad. What do I do now?” He begins to mumble, eyes scanning across the bed.
“What? What happened?” You question more frantically now, pulling the phone closer to your ear.
It goes silent on the other end for about thirty seconds. He pulls away the two pillows and gulps as his stares at his own product. This was bad. Truly a problem.
“What am I supposed to sleep on tonight?”
It takes everything in you to not hang up on him.
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#mello.writes#Barkforme!#Kinktober 2023#dom! reader#dom reader#gn reader#x reader#reader insert#bottom reader#bottom! reader#tamaki amajiki#tamaki smut#tamaki amajiki smut#tamaki x reader#tamaki x reader smut#tamaki amajiki x reader smut#tamaki amajiki x reader#mha smut#bhna smut#bhna x reader#bhna x reader smut#mha x reader#mha x reader smut#sub mha#sub! mha
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