#we broke up for a REASON. a big fucking reason. were obviously better as friends

[intersexghoul]

Sorry I gotta rant in the tags like a maniac because we have nobody to talk to about this without risking our closest friendship. Nobody is required to read and honestly I'd encourage ignoring it

[its-your-mind]

Tbh I??? Really love these Bell’s Hells Company Retreat Activities???? Bc like. It’s not like any of them have been overly cagey this whole time, or actively hiding big secrets from each other. (someone at some point mentioned how BUCKwild it would have been to watch the M9 try to play What The Fuck Is Up With That within the first ten episodes of c2, with all the shit all of them were hiding and how much their early relationships were based on a mutual understanding that no one would expect each other to bring up the past unless it became a danger - the only one who ever poked that particular bear was Beau with Caleb at the start when she traded access to the Archive for the reason why Caleb gets fucked up by fire, and that private conversation shaped their relationship for the rest of the campaign BUT I digress.)

Nothing anyone confessed during the Honesty exercise was… a surprise. The only one who hadn’t shared the entirety of his past (that he remembered) was Chetney, and his was never the past that felt like a threat - that revelation was more along the lines of FCG’s type of “tell me about your family trauma so I can fix you” line of questioning.

The truths the Hells offered up to each other… they were significant (Fearne, I was disappointed in you for being afraid of your power), and scary (deep down, both Delilah and I kind of want the shard), and hard to say out loud (even on the nights I bunk up with one of you, I feel so lonely), but critically, so little of it was surprising. No one was sharing anything earth-shattering about their pasts or previously unknown plans for future betrayal.

And during the Communication exercise - none of them - Chetney, Imogen, Ashton, or Orym - doubted that their directors were leading them the wrong way. They listened, and paid attention to instructions, and didn’t try their own path because they felt like they knew better.

And then during Trust! The part that should have been the hardest!! All of them were obviously distrustful of each other, shooting around stressed looks, sending familiars to dive-bomb to check for flesh, but like… none of them actually turned on each other. None of them ganged up, or broke off, or stood in opposition - they were wary of each other, and they got the task done.

So… it didn’t really lead to any huge shifts in the dynamic. But that was never really what they needed! The Hells have trusted each other since the beginning, and even when they’re actively having to fight each other, it’s always with a desperation born from a place of concern. They really do care for and love each other. I don’t think any of them, if they sat down to think about it, truly believed that one of them was going to betray the others.

But they haven’t had time to sit and think about it. They have been actively fighting the literal end of the world since like… ep 45 (first irl Ludinus sighting/convo). The apocalypse happened. Has been happening. For thirty episodes now. They spent a good chunk of that time apart from each other, and then the rest of it desperately reaching out to anyone with more power than themselves to beg for their help.

So yeah! It’s not a big surprise that they’re all bottling up a lot of their own shit right now! There aren’t that many personal issues that feel like they deserve more attention than the literal end of the world.

It was inevitable something was going to give. And since Ashton’s shit was up next for dissection because they had a past that brushed up against the Primordials? Of course they were the one whose internal lockdown broke first. And of course when it did, it physically shattered Ashton, too, right along those same fault lines where Milo put them back together the first time. It’s so good that they had friends who were there, past and present, to make sure none of the pieces got lost. To put them back together.

We watched Laudna break down right after, specifically because she was back home, in this place where Delilah had first tortured and killed her, where she had lived as a wraith haunting a castle. Delilah had been slowly picking the lock on the cage the Hells had forced her into, and Ashton’s “betrayal” was the last tumbler Delilah needed to snap into place to break the lock in Laudna’s mind. And her mind shattered, fragmented in the same way it had been after she was first brought back as Delilah’s vessel. How beautiful that it was Laudna’s love of children and her desire to make Ashton a gift (meant to be part insult, “because you’re a child,” and declaration of her care for him, “I like children.”)

And Fearne… Fearne almost broke down after them. Slamming the hammer down next to Ashton’s head over and over and over, screaming at him, wandering away through the city, sleeping alone in the woods… She saw the cliff’s edge coming. That’s why she asked them if they could stop at her Nana’s first.

Because she needed it. And the rest of the Hells say, “Why? Do you think Nana Morri can help us in this?” And Fearne says, “Well, I don’t know, but…” And Imogen says, “Do you need it for you?” And Fearne says, in a small and shattered voice, “…yes.”

And that’s the end of the discussion.

They go home, to a place where they are safe and have time, for the first time since Ruidus was locked in place.

And so they have time to be Honest - and they are. Fearne likes to watch them all and play with their hair while they sleep. Orym has thought through how he would neutralize them if he absolutely had to. Ashton thinks it would be better for him to be dead than for Fearne to be hurt. Imogen is scared to face her mom. Laudna dreams of leaving this behind. FCG is jealous of the people around him with a heart, because they have possibilities he doesn’t. Chetney hasn’t settled down once in 400 years because he’s scared he’s cursed to drive away any family he has.

Behind all of this - I want to know everything about you. I need to make sure you don’t hurt each other. I would sacrifice myself to keep you from pain. I don’t want to choose between my blood and this family we’ve built. I want you all to be safe. I want you to pursue happiness. I don’t want to lose you.

And then, Communication - follow along this path. Listen to my voice. Keep calm, keep quiet. Stay the course. I will keep you safe. Keep walking, keep walking, and… you’re there, honey.

And finally, Trust. Two of them are going to be replaced by fae beings bent on preventing them from completing their mission, and they have to complete this task without letting the infiltrators stop them. Okay. Let’s all stick together. Keep eyes on each other. Wait for the doppelgängers to give themselves away somehow. Do you remember these small, banal details about our mutual history? There’s a possibility that action you took was malicious, but I know you well enough to know that might have been a mistake you made on your own. Here, I’ll walk into traps to show that I’m not going to stop you. I’ll get out of your way and take out the threats. I’ll be eyes in the sky and send my familiar to poke you to test if you feel like you should. But nothing you’re doing makes me see you as a real threat - just the possibility of one. I trust you. I trust in you. I trust myself to know enough about you to identify if you’re doing something differently than normal.

And the result of those exercises? No new information, but maybe some things that we all had lost track of amongst the chaos. I am not shocked by your Honesty. I know deep down that I can rely on your Communication. I do Trust you. I know you. I care for you. I know you care for me, too. Even when I have doubts, even when you fuck up, even when things break bad and you make the wrong call…

We are a team for a reason, and no matter what we said in the beginning, it is not just out of necessity or convenience. Are we a bunch of fucked up, broken people? Absolutely. Are we going to continue to fuck up? Probably. Does that change how we feel about each other? No. Never. As long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here, fighting alongside you. Helping you up when you stumble. Offering a shoulder when you need to cry. Standing over you to protect you if you fall. Laughing with you in good times, kicking ass for you in bad. This is our family, damn it. It is strange, and broken, but it is ours, and it is good.

[michanvalentine]

So, I played Baldur's Gate 3, and I played it later than many others. All thanks (or perhaps it would be better to say fault?) of a friend who told me "you absolutely have to play it"! And so I did, completely losing myself in the world of Faerûn. It was really difficult to reconcile my duties as a wife and mother with the desire to play and discover everything about the plot and the characters. In fact, it took me forever to finish! Also because I am the classic player who has to go and sift through every single jar, corner or place forgotten by the gods to make sure I don't leave anything out. I'll start by saying that I played it completely blind and that it was a heroic playthrough. So here I am with my thoughts after finishing my first run.

Morween: Hi! I am a Seldarine drow. I am a cleric of Selûne. I'm a heroine! I spit in my father Bhaal's face and I'm proud of it! Oops! I accidentally killed an innocent bard...

I don't want to talk about the game and how well made it is in its entirety. We all know this, I think. I only need to talk about my very personal relational experience with the character who won me over despite my resistance.

In a roundabout way, while I was trying to conquer the beautiful Shadowheart, I found myself in a relationship with Astarion. I had fun with him at the tiefling party more out of curiosity than anything else, plus I didn't even think he liked me and that it was just fun for him too. Up until that moment we had done nothing but argue and clash over our respective visions of the world. And the “disapprove” message was constantly over my head (along with that of Lae'zel)! Nonetheless, having him around was a delight for this reason too (in addition to the fact that I found his jokes funny). The contrast and our discussions made the interactions seem particularly real to me...

I wanted to talk with him. First of all because I found our hypothetical conversations about getting killed or which of our companions to drink extremely funny. But I wanted to understand. And I wanted him to understand too. And every time I saw "the glimmer" I felt even more motivated to bring out everything he had inside. A lot of stuff, I later discovered...

Obviously at the beginning, as a player, I was trying to understand how the game worked and my female Durge was trying to understand who the people around her were and where their misadventure would lead her. So I only understood many things later!

Morween: Wait, ehm… Whaaat?!?! Am I the weird one or... no, never mind.

In any case, when Astarion thanked me for not giving him up to the blood merchant, I wanted to make this clear to him, so I selected the "I care about you" dialogue option. But I honestly didn't realize that this would mark the beginning of my relationship with him. Afterwards I didn't feel like reloading. Even if I had to abandon the beautiful Shadoweart (with whom I had only shared a bottle of wine and a passionate kiss until then). I thought that things had happened that way for a reason and my game, my choices, had naturally led me that way. Honestly, I had to stop with Gale too, because even my favorite wizard didn't disdain the company of Bhaal's offspring too much. And it broke my heart, because every single one of them deserves to be loved, dammit!

Morween: We got problems, you and I. Big. Deadly. Serious problems. But we're also so dangerously cute together!

What followed was an intense journey full of very strong emotions, as I think it was for everyone who played Baldur's Gate 3. I became attached to my traveling companions as if they were friends in the flesh. And of course I ended up falling madly in love with my pixelated vampire boyfriend.

He's truly a well-rounded character. The thing that literally drives me crazy is that he's a fucking vampire, a real one. A vampire who acts like a vampire and has all the instincts of a vampire. He likes killing, the smell of blood intoxicates him, he has a hunger that devours him from the inside, and he can very well lose control. Finally! An accurate and truthful depiction of what it means to be a vampire. And not just a spicy detail to add to a story for horny teenagers. So the character of Astarion earned admiration points from me. Why? Because despite everything he is able to travel with different "blood bags" without necessarily attacking them and sucking them to the core. It takes great willpower to keep such appetites at bay. And yes, I know, there's that first night when the pale elf tries to attack you while you are sleeping... but hey, surprise of surprises, everyone makes mistakes. Few are those who learn from mistakes. And Astarion is more than willing to learn, another of his qualities, and he is willing to do so throughout the entire journey!

Morween: Yeah, sure, I could judge him... If I hadn't also tried to kill him while he slept...

Side note, when the urge calls and Astarion finds himself in the same situation, he is ready to forgive Durge's mistake in the blink of an eye. Because he knows, dammit. What's more, he is willing to stay there, next to them, to help them control themself. And there I thought: fuck, I want to be there for him too.

Of course Astarion has his own personality, his own flaws; and I love him for it. He's a chronic liar, yes, and he's quite selfish with a nice propensity for lust for power. All perfectly explainable and understandable, considering his past. I was shocked at the amount of abuse he had to endure. I didn't expect it, not so deep, not so real and so detailed, especially for the psychological aspects and the reaction to trauma, considering we're talking about a character from a video game. And my heart broke. 200 fucking years under Cazador. It's no wonder he's a broken man, but not finished. And it's wonderful to see his survival instinct gradually transform into a real desire to live. He is a dangerous man (elf?) but the moment you realize that he can change, he can be rehabilitated, he can heal and be better (up to a certain point, he is still a vampire, a predator with the instinct of kill and with a passion for blood), you know it was worth it. No matter if as a friend or a lover, you are the hero he has been waiting for 200 years. And, for heaven's sake, when he trusts you completely he is capable of unprecedented sweetness and sensitivity. Of course he's still the scoundrel with the sharp tongue and easy sarcasm, but after all that's why he's adorable!

Morween: I confess, Mother Superior, saving the innocent is right, but it is too obvious and easy. Redeeming the bad guys is sooooo much better, that's a real challenge! What heroine would I be otherwise? How do you say... you are not interested? Yes, right... let's talk about Shadowheart.

So when at the end of his quest he thanked me for saving him from himself (even though I only gave him a nudge), with that honest smile on his lips, my satisfaction was immense. He knows, he appreciates, he has grown. He knows exactly what loving him means and is grateful for it. It took patience and a lot of trust, even when it was an objectively stupid thing to do. It took the ability and the will to go further, to see something in him, that he could be better, and to believe in him. Believing that he was enough just the way he is. This is loving someone and making them feel loved. And it was a beautiful conclusion to his story arc.

It also took a lot of delicacy, I would add. I played the entire game and experienced my relationship with the character of Astarion with the concrete feeling that losing him would have been very easy. After all, running away, hiding, even attacking, are perfectly natural responses to fear. And as we know he is legitimately terrified of everyone.

About this: when I met Sebastian it was another shock for me. I wasn't prepared. The whole sequence is heartbreaking, but what blew my brain was the response I got from Astariom when I asked him if Sebastian had hurt him.

God. In my mind the picture suddenly became untenable. No god answered his prayers, no hero deigned to save him and the only worthy salvation for him would still have been a stake in the heart because he was considered a monster. Cazador forced him into prostitution and when he was lucky enough he only had to live with the horrible knowledge that he had delivered another innocent victim into the hands of his master. Otherwise even his own targets would do violence to him, as most were not good people. And maybe in case of a failed delivery, Cazador would also punish him later. It is no surprise that he has learned to completely dissociate himself from everything, to become numb to the events and people around him.

For him everything and everyone was suffering.

And another thing that I really appreciated was the possibility that the game gives you to allow Astarion to rediscover himself and his relationship with others, to experiment with his own limits within a finally safe space (the camp, the companions, Tav/Durge).

In any case, for me it was a truly satisfying experience. I regret nothing, not even releasing 7,000 vampiric spawn into the underdark. Perhaps this is also why I was surprised when by browsing through various social media I come across so many cruel comments and harsh opinions regarding the character of Astarion. Everyone has their own sensibilities and tastes, obviously. But damn... how much repressed anger and aggression...

Anyway, I could go on for hours writing, but a treatise on the phenomenology of the Astarion was not my project! I just wanted to vent my fangirl soul a little and share my experience with you.

I'm currently starting my second run as Astarion. My plan is to conquer the beautiful Shadowheart without a certain someone getting in the way. Maybe, if my daughter and husband don't abandon me on the highway first, I might even consider a third adventure to sink into Gale's arms (and library)! I still feel sooooo guilty for dumping him, he seemed really hurt.

But for now... and they all lived happily ever after...

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Like, I'm just ✨sick of this shit✨, ok? I'm sick of this shit. I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT. I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF SEEING DEAD BABIES ON MY FEED AND HAVING REAL LIFE PEOPLE (with their behavior and words they know are in my earshot) TELL ME THEY'RE BETTER THAN ME AND THEY DON'T RESPECT ME BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN. AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE IT THAT BAD AND OTHER PEOPLE HAVE IT WORSE AND IT MAKES ME SICK.

I am fucking sick of knowing that:

The chair of my city's Republican party PUBLICLY says that women are ONLY equal to men when it comes to making babies, and otherwise it is "WORKING MEN" who are the key to society because villages don't raise families, MEN do. And NO ONE gives a singular SHIT that he said this

My coworker AGREES WITH and supports people like this.

I REGULARLY CLEAN UP AFTER MY COWORKER WHO SITS ON HIS PHONE ALL DAY LISTENING TO TRUMP SHIT AND OCCASIONALLY SONGS THAT HAVE HOZIER NO SIR THAT IS ✨NOT✨ FOR YOU. BUT I HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO HIM -- AND,

Listen to him TALK SHIT TO HIS FRIENDS ABOUT HOW NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE DAUGHTERS BC SONS ARE WHERE IT'S AT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH, LIKE I HAVE DAUGHTERS AND THEY'RE PRETTY FUCKING GOOD YOU ASSHOLE?

Fucking jesus fucking christ it's the stupidest fucking bullshit I've ever heard of. This man sits here listening to his bullshit AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'LL HAVE RIGHTS NEXT YEAR????? BUT HE'S BETTER THAN ME????

So like, I was pretty big into HP awhile back because I was bullied heavily as a child, and I found a lot of solace in those stories. Even more when my parents died and I really related to that aspect of the stories. I thought it was about welcoming those who were otherwise unaccepted, those who were cast out for dumb fucking reasons. It heavily shaped my worldview into believing I should be KIND and ACCEPTING and fight against bigotry.

And like. Look. I have trans friends who are the KINDEST, SWEETEST, BRAVEST, MOST HARD WORKING people I fucking know who are just as TERRIFIED of being jailed or killed as I am of my little girls being shot bc their mom is a pretty staunch supporter of lgbtqia+ and POC and women's rights; or trump gets into the Whitehouse and decides to level the blue cities to send a message. So obviously it was pretty crushing when the author of the works that INSPIRED ME TO BE THIS FUCKING EMPATHETIC IN THE FIRST PLACE decided to double triple quarter pounder cheeseburger down on being a bully to people like this.

WHY SHOULD MY FRIENDS BE THIS TERRIFIED WHEN THEY'RE THE BEST PEOPLE I KNOW, AND OTHER PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO ARE LAZY FUCKING DUMB ASSHOLES JUST GET TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT WITHOUT CARE??????? "WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT ABORTIONS IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL EVER NEED ONE" BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER MIGHT NEED ONE SOMEDAY AND COULD DIE WITHOUT IT? WTF WHY DO THESE BULLIES ALWAYS GET A FREE PASS TO BE BULLIES???????

And I'm not going to comment on today's news because it broke today and maybe there's more facts and maybe there's not but what I am going to say is it fucking SUCKS to think that someone who was an advocate, maybe doesn't really respect you or people like you, maybe hurt people, maybe doesn't care -- I don't fucking know but it SUCKS. It's STUPID and it SUCKS and it ESPECIALLY sucks for the people hurt along the way.

I'm not trying to make any kind of definitive declaration or comment, I just have so much ANGER and fear these past few months and just so much SHIT has happened and I just am so fucking beyond cannot evening anymore with this bullshit WHY DO WE TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THIS AS IF MOST OF US DIDN'T DIE OFF IN A PLAGUE IN THE 14th CENTURY YOU'D REALLY THINK THE PEOPLE LEFTOVER WOULD LEARN TO DO BETTER AND APPRECIATE EACH OTHER.

So fuck it I'll make this a voting PSA

PLEASE VOTE

PLEASE VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T WANTING TO DESTROY DEMOCRACY

IF YOU CAN VOTE PLEASE HELP OTHERS VOTE

IF YOU CAN'T VOTE YOU CAN STILL HELP, LOOK INTO VOTE FORWARD OR VOLUNTEER TO HELP YOUR OLDER FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO SIGN UP OR OFFER A RIDE OR BABYSITTING OR SOMETHING

PARTICIPATE IN PRIMARIES AND SHIT AND LOCAL ELECTIONS TO TRY TO EFFECT ✨BETTER✨ CHANGE THAN THE OPTIONS BEFORE US RIGHT NOW

I'm just sick of this shit. Fucking do better. FUCK

[parkminijiminie]

If I would have to guess where Jimin and Jungkook are standing with each other right now I would say exes that are back to being friends but still have feelings for each other that they both agreed to not act on for whatever reason. Like a lot of people I think they were a couple, in my opinion starting from sometime 2017 up until early 2022. (Although I think they started to be intimate with each other before 2017.) They broke up though and like the other anon said I think the first drastic change was Jungkook moving out of their probably shared apartment in early 2021. Obviously we don't know for sure but all things point to them living together in 2020. We know now that Jimin was in a really dark place back then, so if Jungkook was his boyfriend at that time, it makes sense to me that he would want to be around him most of the time to make sure he's ok. Maybe they did notice though that living together doesn't work for them, so Jungkook moved out. And while they were ok after that, I personally think there was something off with them in mid 2021 too. It seems like whatever was off was temporal resolved because during the end of 2021 they acted like teenager who just started dating. Especially Jimin. With all that blushing and being shy around Jungkook. Obviously whatever this was, it wasn't there to stay. And they definitely made a hard cut in early 2022. No other explanation for them being completely out of each other's lives so suddenly. I think their break up was a mutual decision but not without hurt feelings. But which break up doesn't hurt at least a tiny bit? So they distanced themselves from each other. Suddenly we saw Jimin spending more time with Hoseok and Yoongi, something he didn't do for years. And Jungkook suddenly was very close to Taehyung again, again something that wasn't the case since 2018. I think it's very possible that Taehyung hooked Jungkook up with a friend of Jennie's. It wouldn't surprise me. And I think this could very well be the reason for Jimin and Taehyung being distant to this date. Jungkook started to miss Jimin though, it seems. And yes, maybe he wanted to get Jimin's attention again which is why he did all the very Jimin centric lives. And he definitely lit up like a Christmas tree whenever Jimin commented on his lives. Jimin though was way more cautious. You could still tell how much he cared about Jungkook but in my opinion Jimin protected himself and his heart by still keeping Jungkook at an arm's length. And the way he continously answered questions about Jungkook but only to tell us how they didn't see each other? He could've easily ignored the Jungkook questions. But he didn't for some reason. So why? Why did he feel the need to clarify that despite Jungkook's numerous invites he didn't "give in"? I honestly don't know what changed but ever since shortly before their New York trip they seemed closer again. And especially after that trip. The flirty live was a big what the fuck to me because I wasn't used to that anymore. And Jimin pretty much giving people room to speculate that he was with Jungkook on Chuseok by posting their shared art on Instagram? That's not the Jimin of early 2023/late 2022. But then, on the other hand, we have Jimin most likely not spending Jungkook's birthday with him. And while that still is up for interpretation, if Jimin was able to post something that implies he was with Jungkook on a holiday, he could've also mentioned that he saw Jungkook on his birthday, if he actually did. Jimin didn't mention it though, which is why I assume he didn't see Jungkook. And that makes me think that while they're still feelings involved they decided they're better off as friends. At least at the moment. It will be interesting to see if the whole scandal might effect their relationship and what their relationship will look like after military service.

I do agree that the first serious shake uo was in 2021 but by JM's bday they have mended things and were in a good place. In 2022 though, I think things officially ended between them. Otherwise why would JM live with Pdogg? It wouldn't make sense.

Tae being somehow involved with JK's love life is possible to me. And there is definitely a lot of tension between him and Jimin for whatever reason , but it looked it was something major if it lasted for so long.

Jimin was definitely keeping JK at an arms length. The JM of the past always found a way to showcase his and JKs relationship and shut up the mouths of those who doubted them, yet in the beginning of this year it was like he deliberately made sure to make it clear that he and JK were not seeing each other. Maybe he had someone in his life and was being respectful to them or maybe he avoided being connected to JK romantically because he knew what JK was doing (hooking up with different people or having a more serious partner). Either way, JMs behavior in JKs live post NY completely surprised me, because just like you, I was completely unused to it by them. This wasn't something we have seen from them for at least an year and a half , if not more.

Jimin not being with JK on his birthday also makes me believe that although they might have patched things up/ hooked up again/ recognized there still have feelings for each other/ they are not in a committed relationship as of now.

As a whole, JM and JKs relationship in the past two years is very confusing, hot-and-cold and it reminds me a lot of them in 2015-2016. But while they were very young, immature and inexperienced then, there are neither of those things now. Things are different and MS is also coming up, which may be a factor.

Just like you, I'm interested what there relationship and interactions will look now in light of this whole shitshow.

[giventakes]

[ UNSENT ]: a letter written for the recipient, but which the writer ultimately never sends for reasons that the writer conceals, or may reveal within the letter itself. (for logan <3)

letter prompts

dear arlo,

let's see if i have the balls to finish this whole thing in one sitting, or throw it out before i even get to the hard part. i'd put my money on the first one, and i have a good feeling you would, too.

anyway, i know this looks fucking ridiculous — i can't remember the last time i wrote a letter besides to send a christmas card to my grandpa — but... i don't think this is the kind of thing i should say out loud, you know? i don't think i'd know how to, even if i wanted to (which i don't). so i've turned into an analog fuck to spare both of us from this conversation. you're welcome.

i actually don't really know where to begin? and it feels a little fucked to just jump right into what i want to say, but at the same time i don't know if i will say it if i don't, so ——

if i'm being honest, arlo, i don't...think we should live together anymore. i haven't been adjusting well to being around you, especially when you're so dead-set on moving on right fucking in front of me. i still have big time fucking feelings for you, and it's driving me insane trying to shove them down in the name of being cordial, or to avoid making you feel weird especially when you haven't done the same for me.

i've lost count of how many times i've locked myself in my room to make things okay for you and your dates, or have had to listen to the conversations that you're having with these people like we didn't used to have them once, too. and i don't mean to attack you for moving on, because you obviously have the right to do that. i just hope you can understand why it's making me uncomfortable. i thought we were closer than putting it in my face like that, arlo — dating, or not. especially after you broke up with me.

i also can't deny that you're starting to drive me a little fucking crazy with how you talk to me. i don't...know if you're trying to keep me on a fucking hook, or whatever, but i wish you'd stop hitting on me. and implying i love you, or whatever, when we both know i do. it's...fucking killing me that you keep bringing it up, like it's my choice that i can't say it. and i know you're only teasing, but i can't keep acting like it doesn't bother me. ...no, bother isn't the right word.

i can't keep acting like you're not getting my hopes up, only to stomp on them every time you go out with someone else.

it was a mistake to sleep in your room that night. but only because i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. about you. you're too hard to forget, arlo. especially when i don't want to forget about you.

with all of this, i think it's best that i start considering moving in with one of my brothers. i can help you find a new roommate, or whatever, because i don't want to leave you stranded here with rent and everything. but if you're moving on, i think it's only fair that i start getting the chance, too, you know? it'll probably make all of this easier on you, too, maybe. knowing that i'm not lurking like a damn gremlin in some random corner of the apartment. or at least i hope it'll make it easier on you.

i'm really sorry, for everything. and i'm sorry for not being better for you. i hope we can be friends in the future, maybe. or maybe not — i don't think i'll ever shake these feelings, so. maybe it's for the best i go regardless.

anyway, thank you for letting my stay here past my due. i appreciate it and your patience with me. i hope you find someone that treats you how you deserve.

love, logan

ps. if you mention any of this, i'm going to deny writing it, so. don't try :)

pps. please don't burn my room down after reading this. pls. (pls)

[gremlin-dreams]

A firefighter in the apocalypse

(As usual fake names for privacy)

So the planet was under threat. 

I was a firefighter, lived on my own, didn't really speak to my family much, and naturally when the news broke out that the Earth was basically going to be destroyed I tried to calm, soothe and save as many people as possible. Obviously it was hectic as fuck, people rioting, screaming, running, panicking. The whole world was scared. 

Now, something weird happened, when I was trying to help some kids find their mother in a huge panicked crowd, someone called my name. A voice I hadn't heard for years. I didnt turn the first time because I found the kids’ mom, they ran off but I heard it again. I spun around only to see someone peeking out of the crowd I never thought I'd see again. It was my cousin Isaac, who for the purposes of my dream looked exactly like Jared Padelecki. It was sort of an Anna and Elsa deal, he was my favourite growing up and vice versa, but we drifted when he started getting crap from the family too. 

I went over to him and he hugged me tight saying what a wonder it was to see his favourite baby cousin all grown up and saving people. I asked him what the hell he was doing there and I was starting to get a little emotional because the only way I'd planned to get through this at all was just to help as many people as possible, but now confronted with a family member I couldn't possibly ignore the fact that I was going to die and so was everybody I'd ever cared about..

This is where Isaac spoke up, he said someone from his university had a plan, someone I knew actually. He dragged me along by my hand, out of the crowd, explaining that his friend had a plan to artificially clone a bunch of humans so they could be identical but with a different genetic makeup, in order to slip undetected and unshredded through this weird black hole before the planet was decimated, hence saving and preserving some of humanity, sending them god knows where and hoping it was better.

It sounded incredulous to me but I followed him nevertheless, didn't have much of a choice with how fast he was dragging me. At the end of this path, there were these weird looking medical buses at the top in a carpark, and we were pretending to be calm and such but then last minute he bolted, dragging me with him, I almost closed my eyes it was that fast and I didnt want to be blinded by a stray branch. We got onto a bus and were finally loaded into this big building where we were reunited with the rest of our family. It seemed they had tasked him with coming to get me, and we were both apprehensive but it also seemed like the end of the world was a good enough reason for them to let past shit go and treat us well for once.

We all joined up and went into the labs in the building, greeting Isaacs friend who took us to be cloned. It was a very weird experience, and gave us time to chat, though we weren't all very chatty. Despite all this effort my folks and stuff were still quite panicked. I even brought Juju (my cat) along. The guy explained that we would have a strange shared consciousness with the clones until one of them ceased existing, a science they had been working on and hiding for years.

Isaac was a little worried about the risks so he went first, turns out he'd been missing me for years but never said anything for fear of shame, but deep down he was still that protective sweet big brother figure. He came out and said it went smoothly, and I gotta say, seeing his clone was eerie. 

Then it was my turn, I went in and got cloned. Very spooky experience, but something went wrong. It wasn't major but as soon as it was done an annoyed looking Isaac ran to my side, and on the other side of the walls, the cloned Isaac did exactly the same to my clone.

It wasn't serious, just some of the cloning process had triggered some parts of my brain that shouldn't be in order to copy them over, they said it should wear off but basically I was “regressed” and had a headache. 

So our clones headed onto these ships, getting as comfortable as possible, mine even got candy. I'm a little jealous, it looked delicious. Like a strawberry pencil but mango and pineapple. The scientists told us it would be better and less stressful for us and our new bodies if we focused on the clones consciousness instead of the real us, left on earth. I was apparently the only one struggling with this, because I was regressed, in and out of this childlike state. Isaac seemed to understand and didn't even mind because he said he really missed little me and sometimes wanted to go back in time and treat her better and now he had the chance.

We got into the seats, all watching these safety videos and getting buckled in, Isaac running his hand through my hair and feeding me candy, and the ships launched. It was a scary feeling, and finally being off the planet and in orbit, scariest thing I'd ever done, felt so weird, but I was doing my best to stay calm.

Unfortunately my consciousness wandered back to the real me, I guess out of fear and concern, and honestly I'm glad it did. There I was, firefighter me, scars and all, with my family who looked unconscious, and I woke up Isaac because I was scared. He said it was okay as long as the clones were on the ship, they couldn't do much more, but we could not stay in this consciousness whilst the planet was destroyed or we'd be screwed. We'd have to switch back. 

However, I had different plans, being regressed and scared. I wanted out, I wanted to run as far as possible as if it would save me. None of us knew the impact the destruction would have on the earth yet, we didn't know if survival was possible. Nevertheless Isaac and I woke the family now that all the clones were supposedly safe somewhere up there in space for the time being, and convinced them that we should try to run anyways, just in case. We don't know if the black hole would even work, we don't know if the planet will even really be destroyed, or if it would just be surface level like the big bang or a war.

We all piled outside towards Dad's Jaguar, even though for some reason that thing was big enough to fit a whole family in, a bit like the Galaxy my mom used to have. We decided we had to get out of there even if we didn't know where we were going yet. This was partly due to people getting roudier and roudier outside, rioting around the science building. We began reversing out of the lot and trying to get through all these people, Isaac and I were in the boot seats. First we headed off to his friend’s house because we were nearby and frazzled and didn't know what else to do and it was Dad's only idea. 

His friend Anthony was inside with his wife, they were sending off food packages to the homeless and people panicking outside, he was like a weird apocalypse santa. Seemed calm until Dad really started talking to him, then in that weird manly way they both kinda let go how angry and terrified they were. Dad didn't mention the cloning thing, he didn't want to rub it in, or give hope where there is none. 

Whilst waiting at the back of the car, playing with Juju and showing her to Anthony’s daughter Jess who was about the same age as Isaac, so a few years older than me, I remembered my own friends from college, Liam and John were among them. Surprisingly in the midst of the chaos, Liam actually replied to a message I sent him. It was vague and mysterious and I had to dig a little bit but he revealed that he had a secret, it was a bunker, and stood more chance of hope or survival than simply waiting on the surface for your doom, so he was going to try it. He gave me the directions and coordinates, saying not to let anyone else get their hands on it, and that I could bring my family. I didn't tell him about the cloning either, not yet.

Anyways I ran to my dad and pulled him aside, telling him about it as best I could whilst in and out of regression, which was a little humiliating actually but Isaac helped translate. Anthony kinda caught wind of it and begged we take his daughter with us, and Dad said yes, and we all piled back into the car. Just then, as we were reversing away from Anthony’s house these gas thingys went off like a hundred feet in front of us, over by the science buildings. Then one a little closer, and one a lot closer. They were canisters that exploded in yellow gas, it looked like chalk honestly, designed to impede vision which was bad enough, but you could also hear people coughing and crying and screaming (probably mustard gas?). We tried to do up the windows as fast as possible and it was a close call when I pulled the boot door shut and we drove away. It got all over the car too, and made it hard to see, so dad drove through this ford of water, clearing it off as much as possible before we began the drive out into the country, it was out towards Dorset.

A few times I flashed in and out between my consciousness and the clone up there on the ship, it was scary, both of them could die, it could all be for nothing. The clone me on that ship was starting to get restless because of all the panic, and the clone Isaac kinda took care of her even though he wasn't holding the consciousness currently. Anyways back to reality, we're driving for a long time, there are a few mental breakdowns from various people, my mother, me, yadda yadda, kinda expected in an apocalypse situation, and eventually we reached this little town that looked like it hadn't been updated since World War 1. We tried to remain calm and not draw any attention to ourselves, but me being in and out of regression was making it rather difficult and Isaac was having to distract me as we made our way up this hill out of town into the rural parts. We passed some people I recognised from school and it was way too hard to describe why the hell I was acting so weird, but they didn't care much, as far as they were concerned everyone was gonna die, people were gonna act weird, but I kinda told them in passing that I had a clone up on a spaceship who was gonna live. Thankfully due to the regression and Isaac pulling me away by hand, they didn't believe a word of it.  

Eventually we reached our destination, limited supplies and belongings in bags on our backs, and were welcomed by Liam and John at the entrance to this weird bunker. The only way I can describe it is if the Torchwood bunker and Supernatural bunker and Alterra from Subnautica had a baby. It was somehow old-timey and modern at the same time, like a time capsule, like the safe house in Primeval. It was expansive and large but you couldn't tell from all the small winding hallways and rooms. 

We all got settled and could barely believe the place was real, Dad and Liam were discussing the strength and capacity of it all, if it were enough, even though no one really knew the extent of the damage Earth would take. I was in this kinda old main room, lots of seats, dusty, a record player and piano in the corner, stairs up to higher levels (we were pretty far underground). I started becoming friendly with John and we got to know each other and he was so sweet and kind. They did ask who Anthony's daughter Jess was and how she was related to us, so we all sorta panicked and blurted out that she was Isaac's girlfriend, which was fitting because they were getting on like a house on fire.

Later on I was wandering the halls looking around and I found John, Liam and Isaac all talking in a small corridor full of important looking pipes and gears and controls in one of the lower levels. I stayed hidden around the corner and listened, just like a little kid, they were discussing our clones and consciousness, how it was a strange and dangerous plan. How neither party were assured to be safe. Isaac wanted to know which version of him he should go with to prevent his consciousness from being ripped apart when either his clone or his real body kicked it. They were brainstorming and stressed and obviously I heard it all and got quite scared. I ran away down the hallway again crying, and they knew it was me because I dropped this stuffed animal that I'd found in the parlor room (looked like Floppy from Bluey) and Isaac and John ran after me, trying to calm me down because panicking wasn't going to help either. Now it was just a countdown between both realities to see who stood a better chance. It was terrifying. I don't know how long we were in that bunker, could have been hours, could have been days, but Isaac kept shifting between consciousness' to check things up there were still all good. I don't remember much else, just endless terrified waiting, the regression slowly wearing off, and something about a wedding in the bunker, Isaac and Jess, it was bittersweet.

[anonpubilcdiary]

That Time I ruined my ex's birthday.

So, it's 2 or three months before she broke up with me, it was her birthday, we had planned this big party and get together where were going to have a pregame and then go out to a club.

During said pregame I was already uncomfy because I'm not built for clubs emotionally, there's just too many people. But I was pretty comfortable with the group, there were two transmascs, my cis ex, and 2 non-binary ppl. I didn't know the 2 enbies, but I was pretty close with the transmascs.

I smoked some weed, which in hindsight was probably not the smartest idea.

We're all hanging out in the living room and all of a sudden my ex suggests we all watch a movie while getting ready, and the entire group goes for the movie "White Girls."

This is a problem for me.

I'm a trans girl, and I was still early in transition at this point.

I try to kinda give my girlfriend the "please I'm begging you not to pick this movie, legally blond is way better" -look but she doesn't really pick up on it. Understandable though, she coordinated alot of the party so obviously she can't tell, i should've said something. So I assure myself, I mean I've never watched it, it might be a genuinely powerful yet comedic story. Everyone else has watched it, and they don't seem to see any issue with it.

I power on, eventually the scene where they don the entire joke of the the movie arrives and its worse than I thought it could be, it's not just that it's a caricature of me. Everything I'm insecure about as a trans woman, every single fear I have about my own appearance and behavior is a joke that is being actively beaten to death in this movie. Liveleak would have been a preferable alternative.

We reach the dressing room scene and I'm drowning, I'm quietly having a panic attack because after having my insecurities gone at and worn bloody raw for an hour straight I'm going to have to go into a small building with a large group of strangers.

I desperately lock eyes with the two transmascs, they're trans so maybe they might "get it." Im begging for a lifeline, I'm fucking screaming for help with my eyes. They don't pick up on it. it's understandable though, like it's not their job to read my mind. If I didn't want to watch the movie I should've said something, I shouldn't have smoked until after the function either.

Eventually a thought worms it's way into my mind... "they see me like this, the only reason they keep me around is as a clown to be gawked at." I execused myself to the restroom and I fall apart, I'm silently weeping and panicking harder now that I'm crying on my girlfriend's birthday. Today is supposed to be about HER, but I just can't stop. Every time I get settled that sinister thought that my friends revile me would tickle my psyche and send me into another fit of sobs.

Eventually it comes to her attention that I'm crying and she helps to calm me down, she then manages to get the movie off and me to her room without alerting any of the guests. She's just really good with people like that, crisis averted, now it's time to go to the club.

I'm clunky and uncomfortable and unprepared and definitely not a dancer and I fucking publicly humiliated myself to try to dance.

She was distant after this, I acted like such a loser around her near the end because I was panicked she was going to leave me because of that night. Im pretty sure that's what pushed her away though.

All in all I can see what I did wrong, I've just gotta be better in the future.

[apples-butsad]

Trigger warning: Domestic Violence

I’m being honest the only reason I’m writing this here is because I’m reasonably sure no one will ever see it: I am a survivor of Domestic Violence at the hands of a partner.

This isn’t a secret I hold to myself. Plenty of people in my life know this statement, and some of them have even heard a couple of the stories. So I’m not worried about being outed or doxxed or whatever. But beyond a few chance evenings of vulnerability, I don’t really talk about it much. I, of course, went to therapy for years and managed to get past a lot of the really bad trauma, but I still have evenings where it kind of stings. And when I sit here with my thoughts it can kind of be heavy to go through it alone. Maybe putting this to paper will help. I’m not sure.

It’s one of those nights tonight, obviously. I think what burdens me is that in the several years since we broke up, I’ve never really found someone who I’ve connected with on a romantic level. When you’re with someone for 8 1/2 years and that person emotionally and physically breaks you down, it becomes kind of hard to trust people. At least not without a lot of time and patience. I get the sense that not a lot of people have patience in a big city, where it is pretty hard to date. Part of me is still scared to get hurt again.

Why I don’t talk about this with others? I don’t know. I think I’m worried about feeling like a burden, because nights like these happen more than I care to admit. I’m worried I’m gonna call up friends and they’re gonna get annoyed with how frequently something like this happens. “Oh man, he’s depressed again? Can’t he find someone else to talk to?” That’s the childhood trauma talking, I’m sure.

How it ended is what I think I obsess about the most. At least lately. See, she broke up with me. After cheating on me. Which honestly, yeah it fucking hurt. It hurt a lot. And I don’t know if I ever let myself feel hurt from that, because for so long I was hurting from the beatings and the choking. But even after all of that bullshit I put up with, she couldn’t handle even the slightest pushback. When I finally started having a spine in those final months. When I finally started holding my ground. She had to go somewhere else. She didn’t even fucking try. It should’ve been me. I should’ve ended it. She didn’t deserve me.

She ended up marrying him, 6 months later… on the original weekend we were supposed to get married. Yeah I know, I dodged a bullet. But still. Betrayal like that comes once in a lifetime. I laughed it off at the time. I don’t really laugh anymore. My friends have said “fuck him” in regards to the guy she left me for. And for what it’s worth, he sounds like a piece of shit. But I sometimes wonder if he’s being tormented the same way I was. I know through the social grapevine that he apparently has not been keeping in touch with many of his old friends. He’s very absent among friends and family. Only ever with her. God it sounds so familiar.

I hope I never see her again. I don’t know how I would react if I did. If I ever saw her in a grocery store. I probably would run if I’m being honest. It sounds so pathetic. But I feel her hands around my throat sometimes still. I still get triggered anytime a plate or wine glass breaks. I’d rather just not share the same ZIP code as her.

I also probably would run because part of me is afraid of what I would do if I didn’t. I don’t want to turn into an angry toxic man. I’ve never been much for violence. But part of me is really worried that there’s a rage that would overcome me in that moment. Yeah, running seems better.

[ramp-it-up]

The One

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warmings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, running, a raging argument in an established relationship, name calling, taunting, drunken raging, Twitter. SMUT, explicit, rough sex, fingering, tit slapping, orgasm denial, spitting, oral sex (mostly female receiving). Also, I’m sleepy. 😴

A/N: Not proofread. Also, I know very little about Chris and Jenny, and have no real opinion about their relationship. I made up the scenario about what happened there for the purposes of the story. THANKS FOR 400 FOLLOWERS TONIGHT! 🥳🎉🎊🍾👏🏽🎈

This fic is based on the following ask:

Anonymous asked:

Imagine idea :

Chris is drunk after a fight with the reader. He was On Twitter and saw some pics with Jenny and when the reader comes in he screams at her and says that Jenny was the one and not the reader. The reader get sad because she was always kind of insecure about the age gap with Chris. The day after he didn’t know what he says and she don’t say anything because she got the feeling that he was right. But one thing both didn’t noticed that Chris was drunk calling Scott and he knows everything Chris says and drive to Chris to give him a good clamp ahahhaha Chris was drunk and Just mentioned her name because he saw a post with Jenny.

------------------

It had been the perfect day.

You slept in, then had a late brunch at home. 

You saw a message from Chris’ former co-star, Heidi, light up his phone that he’d plugged in on the kitchen counter when you two were tidying up.

You wondered why he was texting the bitch even after you told him that she wanted him. And after he agreed to cut off contact out of respect for you.

Heated, you didn’t even look around before you picked it up, put in his code and read a string of friendly, if not borderline flirty, texts.

Chris walked in the kitchen, caught you, and yelled at you for being in his phone. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“Exactly! What is going on, Chris. I thought we talked about this?” 

Chris rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, it’s a big fucking deal.”

You threw his phone on the marble countertop, which caused Chris to pick it up to see if it was cracked. Your temper was too much.

“We’re just friends! She knows we’re together, y/n!” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“And I know women, Chris. That doesn’t fucking matter to her. Sometimes you’re so oblivious. Or act like you are.” You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“I know you want to leave me for someone more glamorous and beautiful. Someone who will put up with your shit, everyone the media says you’re fucking. Go ahead and just do it!”

Chris’s temper was really rising now. You could tell as the red creeped up his chest to his neck. 

“Stop fucking saying that!” Chris was screaming now. “Is that what you want? To end it? Because you don’t have to make me do it. If you want to leave, just leave.”

You said shit like that a lot. And it scared and angered him. He wanted to know if you were trying to make him break up with you so you would be free.

“Why are you being such a fucking…” Chris stopped himself. He knew better than to call you out of your name.

Your head almost spun around. You smiled evilly. 

“Go ahead, say what you wanna say, Chris. Or are you scared?”

Chris exploded. “A fucking BITCH.”  He was shaking because you went there.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not fucking anyone else!”

Chris lost it and punched the wall, making a hole in the drywall and definitely injuring his hand.

You just stood there with your mouth open and in silence. You went toward him to look at his hand, and he just put both of them up, backing away from you and going to the liquor cabinet.

He retreated to the deck with a bottle of Jameson’s. He wanted to dull the pain, in his hand, and in his heart. He hated when you hurt each other.

You understood that you both crossed the line, so you let him be. You went upstairs to change into your running clothes to get out and clear your head.

Chris settled on a deck lounger, started drinking from the bottle and got online, which is never a good thing, but he needed something to distract him. He started reading tweets about himself, and following a thread of Chris + Jenny stans.

The more he drank, the more he started reminiscing.

There were good times. He was happy. Mostly. He thought she was the one. Sometimes. But she broke his heart. He was just a rebound. 

Her handsome arm candy.

Then he thought of you. His heart melted; you really loved him. He was sure of it. But loving him was hard. He realized that you felt the same way about him that he felt about Jenny. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Insecure. 

And you had good reason to be. Everything you’d said about women coming after him was true. But what you didn’t realize is that since he’d met you other women didn’t matter to him. 

You were the one, not Jenny.

Chris began to get melancholy. He’d fucked up. You were nothing but good to him and you just asked him to respect you and listen to your feelings. He’d ignored that. 

Shit, why did he yell at you like that?  

He went to erase Heidi’s contact and block her number. He was confident that you were never going to throw him away like Jenny did. She was the one who’d hurt him. Not you. Never you. He recognized that you wouldn’t ever hurt him on purpose.

His mind was racing with how to apologize when you came back. He was an idiot. The pain in his heart was replaced with regret and his hand had slowed to a dull throb.

But then 30 minutes turned to 3 hours, and by the time you got back, the bottle was empty and Chris’s eyes were red with rage and worry. 

Maybe you were just like Jenny after all.

--------

You ran, and then went to get some coffee. You ran into Shelby at the cafe and distracted yourself with mindless chatter, then walked back. You were ready to apologize by the time you opened the door.

When he heard the door, Chris picked up his phone and met you in the living room. He was obviously shitfaced.

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” 

Chris’s voice boomed throughout the house and you jumped. Then you just stood there, shocked at his outburst. 

“The hell are you talking to me like that?” 

He was unsteady on his feet. He leaned toward you, and you could tell that someone was spinning the room for him.

“I don’t want it to be you!” 

He had to let you know that he knew that you wouldn’t be the one to hurt him. Chris pointed his phone at you. 

“You’re not the one. Jenny’s the only one. Not you! Not ever you!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. But then again you could. It was what you were afraid of. You were head over heels. And Chris could find someone on his level. Like Jenny.

“Well, Fuck You very much, Chris.” 

You brushed your tears away and ran past him up the stairs to the bedroom, locking the door and crying your eyes out. You got out your suitcase.

----

Chris started up after you, calling your name, and then suddenly needed to duck in the downstairs bathroom to throw up. 

He tried to make it up the stairs and had to sit down on the floor near the bottom. Then, he needed to lay down just for a minute.

The next thing Chris knew, it was morning, and he woke up to a pounding on the door and in his head. He rolled over on the floor, and something stabbed him in the side.

Groaning, he reached down and saw your keys to his house, his cars, and his life, all on the Tiffany heart keychain he’d given them to you. He was staring at them, confused, when Scott opened the door with his key.

“There he is. My brother. The fuck up.”

Chris groaned again, sat up on the bottom stair and held his head. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Nevermind me. It’s not often I get to say that, only when you publish your dick pic to the internet or you RUN OFF THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!”

Chris winced when Scott yelled, his head a pounding mass of meat wrapped in fuzzy cotton. 

He didn’t understand why he was being tortured and he didn’t understand why his hand hurt.  He looked at it, all bruised up, and the keys inside it.

“Just tell me, Scott. Why are you here?”

Scott leaned up against the door. 

“Did you know you drunk dialed me last night?” 

Chris looked up at Scott, and his face was a sight as his brother told him what he’d said to you.

“Fuuuuuck me!” He put his head in his hands again. 

“I don’t know if she ever will again,” Scott joked, but Chris didn’t laugh. 

“I called her after you apparently passed out and wouldn't pick up your phone.  She was ready to catch an early morning flight, but I convinced her to sleep in today and leave tomorrow.”

Chris moved his hands down from his eyes and stared out the patio doors, trying to think.

“I put her up in the Four Seasons, on your dime of course.  Room 6145. Penthouse. Could be pretty romantic. If she were in that kind of mood.”

Chris looked up at Scott, smiled weakly, jumped up and hugged him, then made for the door. Scott jumped in front of him.

“Trust me, you’ll want to get some water and coffee in you, and shower and brush your teeth. You look and smell like shit.”

“Right.” Chris nodded, flexing his hand. He could still move it. He was glad it wasn’t broken. “Thanks, bro.”

“No problem.” Scott walked into the bathroom as Chris went to the kitchen, groaning when he saw the hole in the wall. He’d have to ask Scott to get it fixed before you saw it again. 

If he could convince you to come back.

----

It was 11 am, and Scott had verified that you were still in the room. Chris just stood there, nervous and terrified that you were just going to be done with him.

Room service came and headed toward your door. Chris waved them down and when they saw his face, they stopped in their tracks, shocked.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

----

You climbed out of the wonderful deep jetted tub, having soaked until the water got cold and your fingers were wrinkled. You pulled on the plush Four Seasons terry cloth robe that was provided with the suite.

You felt calmer than last night, and after some sleep and relaxation, you realized that you’d been a fool to think that Chris would want you forever like you thought.

It was for the best that you leave and start over, to focus on your consulting business and yourself for a while.

You opened the door with a smile on your face for the attendant, and you let them into the room, your back turned to the door while they brought the cart in. You turned back around and there was Chris.

You grew heated, and your heart began to race while the attendant scurried out. Chris’s face was a welcome sight, but you were still angry.

There you were, looking so beautiful, curls tied up in your favorite silk scarf, cocoa skin radiant in a white fluffy robe.  You should have been comfortable, but your eyes were wide and scared.

He’d done this to you.

“Fuck, y/n… I…”

You interrupted him. 

“You’ve got some mutha fuckin nerve. How dare you just run up in here, using that fucking face,” you flung your hand up, “using who you are to get into my room. How did you even know where…?”  

Your mouth dropped open at the realization of what Scott had done. You turned on your heel to get your things. You didn’t care that you were naked under your robe. You didn’t care that you still loved Chris. You were out. This second.

Chris moved to block you from entering the bedroom of the suite. You tried to push past him, all 5’ 4” of you versus 6 feet of him.

“Move, Chris!” 

You glared up at him, your body responding to him in ways you weren’t prepared to admit. You were betrayed by your pussy.

“I just want you to listen to me.  Then you can leave, stay, do whatever you want. Just hear me out.”

You and him physically was always the shit. His arms across his chest did things to you  But you kept mean mugging him, making him hard for you. 

You stepped back and said, “Okay.  You have 10 minutes.  Then I’m out, Chris.”

You paced back to the couch in the living room of the suite, watching him warily.

Chris paced in front of you, making it inevitable that you follow his lean form back and forth across the carpet. You noticed that his hand was bandaged and that he kept flexing it. 

You hoped it wasn’t broken. No matter what, you cared what happened to him. You would always love him. Even if it was the end of your relationship.

“First of all, I’m sorry. My anger got the best of me, and I was violent and that is never acceptable.  Even though I didn’t touch you, it’s not ok, and I know it was intimidating. I take responsibility.”

He stopped and looked at you, you melted a little, but you didn’t give any outward sign. Being a business owner taught you a mean poker face. 

But the shirt he was wearing made his true blue eyes pop and you could see a hint of his chain around his neck under the fitted henley.

You suppressed a shiver at the memory of the things you did to have that chain and medallion wave in your face, to have it clenched between your teeth as Chris had his way with you, and you with him.

You focused on him, pointedly looking at your watch. Chris’ anxiety peaked when he saw that.

He stepped toward you and thought that he recognized the look in your eyes.  He was almost sure that you still wanted him, sure that you still cared.  He could only hope as he came closer.

“And then I started drinking. And while you were gone, I came across some posts about me and Jenny. And it took me back there.”

At those words, you crossed your arms and averted your eyes, defenses up. You didn’t want to hear about how much he loved Jenny.

Then, Chris swiftly moved to sit on his haunches, becoming eye level with you.  

“And I realized that she never really loved me. Not like you loved me.”  

Chris speaking about your love in the past tense made you a little angry and you stared him in the eyes. 

It was just the reaction he hoped for. Your attitude. He loved it. He hid a smirk so that he could continue, but you saw the glimmer in his eyes. And you rolled yours.

Chris then picked up the sash to your robe and started playing with it, your eyes drawn to his thick fingers. You didn’t know why that was getting you hot, but it was. You opened your mouth to breathe.

Chris’s voice cracked when he said. “And to me she was the mountaintop. Another, different kind of conquest. But I realized that I never really loved her. Not like I love you.”

Present tense.

Now you were looking into his eyes, about to fall into them. Shit. He had you hooked. But then you remembered, and drew back.

“Yeah, I know what I said, but what I was trying to express was that I know it could never be you to hurt me like Jenny did. That I didn’t want you to hurt me like she did. Not when I’ve thought about forever…” 

He moved even closer. “I mean forever, forever, with you.”

All of a sudden you couldn’t breathe. Chris got on his knees.

“I want to be in this position again with you one day. One day soon. But not like this. I don’t want it to be to try to get you back. I want us to be good.” 

He sighed, pensive. “I want you to be smiling and happy, and even have our families there.”

You don’t know how your face looked at that moment, but Chris started smiling at you. You were so beautiful to him right now.

“I was drunk, and I couldn’t use my words correctly. I yelled and I screamed and I punched the wall. I fucked up and may have lost you forever, but I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” 

You felt yourself get emotional, but you tried to calm down.

“I’m just so fucking scared that you will get tired of all the bullshit that comes with me and leave… and I absolutely wouldn’t blame you. But there’s no one else, y/n.  No one else can compare…”

“Chris…” 

You raised your hand to his face, eyes searching his. You could tell he was being honest.

Chris grabbed your hand and started kissing your palm.

“So.” He looked at you with those eyes. “Is this goodbye?…” His lips were giving you shivers. “Or hello again? Can we start over?”

Chris trailed his lips from your palm, to the pulse point at your wrists and lingered there, licking the delicate skin. Then he moved up your arm to the opening in the robe. 

He pushed his torso in between your legs and leaned into your neck, inhaling the lavender bath oil that was your favorite. And his, too. 

He moaned as you leaned your head to the side, giving him access. But he didn't just want the physical. He breathed into the shell of your ear. 

“Please come home, baby…”

You just moaned as he started sucking right below your ear, your spot. Desire took over for Chris when he heard your sounds.

“Fuck it. I can tell that you still want me. If this is goodbye, then I’m going to make it worth your time.”

Your back arched and Chris palmed your bounteous ass over the robe, pulling you flush to his crotch.  He smiled as he felt the warmth coming from you.

“You’re so fucking warm, babe. Are you wet, too?  Are you wet for me? Do you want my cock? I mean, do you want your thick, fat, cock to fuck you babe?” 

Chris was kissing down your neck into the cleavage that the robe was revealing with each sentence as you opened your legs. Your pussy was quivering for him, but you still didn’t answer him.

Chris looked up at you with those eyes and pulled on the robe sash. It fell open and he looked down and bit his lip, taking in your warm skin, lovely breasts, and elegant pussy, with the manicured triangle of hair kept like he preferred, and offered up for his taking. 

You still looked like his girl, and he smiled as he looked up into your eyes. But he had to be certain. He lowered his head, keeping eye contact and descended toward one small hard mountain peak, kissing it gently, tentatively, while watching you.

You were mesmerized as his tongue peeked out and licked it, then he opened his lips and enveloped it, moistening it with his pink lips. 

The look on your face compelled him, and he fully enveloped your nipple and started sucking roughly, still keeping eye contact. You were determined not to close your eyes, but it was difficult. You bit your lip to stay still.

Chris’s bandaged hand was dangerous, however, and it came up to pinch and roll your other nipple. You arched into his hand as he became rougher and rougher. 

He switched nipples and hands and his saliva made your breast that much more pliable and sensitive. He slapped it, and then rubbed it with the rough bandage, making you cry out and moan as his other hand trailed down your body to your cunt.

“This pussy will still be mine, even if you leave me.” He smiled cockily while looking down on it. 

He looked at you, before lifting his hand to his mouth, looking straight into your eyes and spitting on his fingers before bringing them down to your cunt.

“I think, that if even if you leave and  move back to Houston, and I come to town, that if I I call you, even if you’re with someone else, you would meet me in a parking lot and let me fuck you over the hood of my rental car.” 

He was faintly tracing your pussy lips and instantly your control was gone. You were sopping wet, because of his words and because of the knowledge that what he was saying was the truth.

“Oh,” was all you could say. You were adding to the wetness of the saliva on his fingers.

Chris smiled and tilted his head as his two thick digits breached your opening. He had his answer as you threw your head back and let him finger fuck you while he rolled and slapped and pinched your nipple.

His thumb was lightly brushing your clit and you wanted so much more.  Chris could sense that and he pressed down roughly on it, causing an electric jolt up your body, which you keened for, arching your body into his hand.

Chris moved his hand from your breast to your neck and applied the pressure that you wanted and needed and that he was expert at while he stuffed another finger inside you and circled your clit with his thumb. 

You floated among the clouds as you came like fireworks, and all over his hand.  

He watched you come undone, and come down, rubbing his hard cock through his pants with one hand while he sucked your juices off his fingers, releasing each with a loud pop.  When you opened your eyes, you smiled.

You pulled his hand and started licking yourself off him, flattening your tongue against his palm. 

“I forgive you Chris. I forgave you when you conned your way into my room, you ass.” 

You smiled against his hand as he groaned, relieved and desperate for you.

“But you still have some work to do.”

“What do you want? Anything.”  

Now Chris was breathless, anticipating payback.

“First, you need to take those damn clothes off.”

He quickly moved to take off his shirt, and then stood up to take off his pants.  You smirked as hs cock sprang up immediately when he peeled them down. He wasn’t wearing underwear.

Chris caught your look. 

“What? I wanted to be prepared.”  He chuckled softly while pumping his cock lightly, expecting to immediately fuck you.

He moved toward you. But you quickly moved off the couch and into the bedroom, forcing him to follow you, and his dick, into the other room.

You sat on the edge of the bed as he remained standing. 

“What do you need, babe?”

You reached for his cock and tugged it toward you, opening your mouth and deep throating it, wetting it from root to tip and then spit on it. Chris moaned as you started to stroke. Then you stopped.

“I need you to jack off for me.” 

“Ugh! You’re so fucking nasty. I love you.”

Chris instantly started where you left off. This didn’t seem like work.

You leaned back on your elbows, watching him, and licking your lips.

“And I need for you not to stop, and not to come. Until I tell you.” 

You looked him in the eye and that was when Chris knew he was doomed.  A chill ran down his spine as you reached down and started playing with your pussy.

“Fuck!”

You looked so damn good.  He licked his lips and stroked harder and faster, his balls drawing up already. 

“Shit, y/n.”

You watched his eyes, and got wetter at his blown pupils and glazed look. 

“You like that?”

“Fuck yeah.”  

His voice was broken and desperate. He fisted his cock, and held his balls, trying to stave off the inevitable. 

You turned around, got on your knees and reached back between your legs and ran your fingers up and down your slit.

“How about that?”

“Goddamnit!” 

Chris grunted as he tried to hold it in. You were a goddess. He licked his lips. Wanting to taste you. So he did. 

He dove in, tongue competing with your fingers to command your slit. You finally gave in to his expert mouth and he savored your salty goodness.

“Fuck, Chris, you better still be…”

“I am. Christ.” 

He was leaking in his hand, but he had it under control. Barely.

Chris stopped eating you out for a second, grabbed your ass cheek with one hand, stretched you open, spit on your tighter hole, and watched it slide down your satin lips to drip onto the bed. 

His warm saliva made your pussy quiver and he watched it lovingly. Then he dove in again.

He sped up his movements with his other hand and you could hear the smooth skin of his dick sliding on his palm while his tongue did forbidden things to you.

“Ffffffuuckkkkkkk! Chrisssss.” 

You came, burying your scream in the mattress, and even harder than before. You couldn’t believe that he’d turned the tables on you.

Chris ate you out through your orgasm, holding you down with one hand like it was nothing. 

He was god of war, love, and sex, all at once. 

Fuck Captain America.

You came again, almost immediately.

When he was done with his meal, he let you go, wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand and stepped back.

“Fuck, what do you want me to do? I can’t take it much longer…” Chris’s sexy growling voice got to you. 

“What do you wanna do, Chris? How do you want to take me, Daddy?”  Chris’s cock jumped in his hand, he slapped your ass, and watched it jiggle.

Chris entered your wet, wet pussy, and marvel how if felt like it was choking the life out of him.  He had to stop moving, or he would burst almost immediately.

“How the fuck are you so wet, but so tight.  It’s like a fucking vice grip, geeze.” 

You both waited and felt it jump inside you, then Chris reached down, grabbed you by the neck and pulled you upright and flush to his chest.  

One hand clutched your throat and the other arm hooked under your leg, allowing him to piston up into you upright while your other leg dangled, your big toe barely touching the ground.

Chris held you and fucked up into you, grunting each time the large mushroom cap head of his cock was stuffed into your pussy. 

“Ugh, gatdamn it, you were thinking of leaving, ugh, you wanted to leave this, mmmmmm, this dick that, ugh, that fucks you like this?” 

Chris’s mouth was near your ear, which was on his shoulder because your head had fallen back on his chest. He was using you like a sex toy as he fucked you senseless. 

His dick slicked in and out of you with obscene wetness, Chris somehow lifting you up and slipping completely out of you and pounding back into you with force.

“Chris!!!” 

You started shaking, your center of gravity being where you and he were connected.

He fucked you even harder and faster, chasing his release, but he maneuvered his hand to find your clit, refusing to come before you. 

“Fuck! You know you were going to miss this cock that your sweet cunt fits… like…  a …mutha …fuckin…  glove!” 

"Ahhhh!" 

You screamed as you fluttered around his cock. He could take only so much before he had to shut his eyes and bite down on your collarbone. Chris’s legs were trembling now.

"Take all of it!." He was hitting your spot.  "How does it feel?" 

Although the feeling was intense, you tried to speak. 

"L-l-l-like h-heav-v-v-ennnnn." 

The sound of your voice made his release start to build. 

With each of his thrusts, the sweet tightness began to build until you came, screaming and moaning in pleasure.

“Oh shiiiiitttttt!”  Chris exploded inside your tight wet cunt. He wanted to fill you up like never before. He wanted to put his baby in you and tie you forever to him. That made his balls empty.

He fell back on the bed, with you on top of him, slipping out of you and depositing you on the bed beside him.

Chris couldn't help but smile as you both came down.  He was made for this.

Chris put his hand on your cheek, brushing your beautiful lips with his thumb. You smiled under his attention into his sea blue eyes.

“I love you.” You grinned. 

“God, I love you.”  You sobered up, taking in the weight of his words.

“Is it weird that I want to get you pregnant before we’re married?”

You made a face.

“Who says I want to marry you?”

Chris scooped you in his arms and rolled you over on top of him.

“You don’t want to marry me? You’d say no if I asked?” 

You held in a giggle.

“Nah. I’m gonna move back to Houston and marry someone else so you can come in town and fuck me over the hood of your rental car. That sounds hot as fuck.”

Chris released an anxious breath.

You took his head in your hands.

“Easy now. Ask what you want to ask.” Chris started to speak. You put your finger over his mouth.  

“When you want to ask it.” You looked into his eyes again. “I won’t break your heart.”

Chris smiled at you and said, “I know.” He kissed you. 

And when you pulled away, breathless, he told you, “You’re the One.”

----------- Read Part Two: It Takes Two

Let me know what you think. Like, comment, reblog! Tags:

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[swan-orpheus]

andor ep. 7 incoherence

How does this freaking show just keep getting better, holy $%^&. This is not a question. There is so much to unpack. I did not see the twist where Cassian is minding his own business on Space Miami Beach (wtf kind of name is Keef??) and he gets randomly arrested for not doing anything, but well being himself. Racial profiling lol. Fuck the Empire. Now we know how he winds up in prison again. From six months to six years?? This episode was so much. 

Vel worried about Cinta who is trying to hide from the big ass star destroyer and Kleya being brutal about the compromises they have to make. “They’ll all be remembered.” Mon Mothma and her childhood friend, Tay who is obviously so DONE with the Empire and thinks that his old friend has changed, living it up in high society in the spotlight and loving it only to find out....it’s all a lie. The drama. All of the times that Mon reminds him to “Smile”. You need to leave Perrin and run away with him lmfao, not going to lie, I found them oddly adorable. 

Luthen smiling constantly and being all, “that’s right, people died and more will die, isn’t this monk cudgel excellently crafted? *smiles*” I really hope that her driver is secretly on her side and helps her in future. Chandrilans unite against the Empire!  Palps name drop. Gave me chills. It’s better that we only hear whispers of him. Makes it all the more creepy imo.

Senator Mon “I’ve learned from Palpatine.” Mothma

(she did not refer to him as “Emperor”, good for her.)

Coruscant continues to look its incredible, beautiful, brutalist self! 

Syril tailoring the collar on his brown suit to be high like an Imperial uniform.

DEDRA WRECKED BLEVIN!!! I had a feeling that Major Partagaz privately admired her. Blevin had such a sour look on his face. Dedra just flat out said, “Yes. I totally broke the rules. Deal with it.” Blevin is totally playing so close to the rules probably out of fear of being discriminated against and Dedra is the overachieving student for similar reasons and the Empire has them pitted against one another. I love the dynamics always at work in this show. It’s cruelly accurate. 

How cute is it that Cassian would sneak over the wall to see Bix when they were younger? They were that young couple.

And poor Maarva so freaking traumatized by what the Republic did that she can’t walk down past the square on Rix Road and not see her husband hanging? But then she hears about the heist and is all, “I may be old but FUCK IT. I’m gonna LIVE!” and just strolls down the road SMILING. All of the various meanings of a smile in this episode. WOW. Cassian! I know you are trying to keep her safe but aflkjalfalfll;; you are one of the reasons that that heist even succeeded at all, she was standing inches from the reason that the Rebellion has a snowball’s chance in hell and she doesn’t even KNOW. 

“Stop searching for your sister. It’s a fantasy.”  ;___________;

The KX Series droid repeating the word “hang” as he is choking Cassian. And it ends with Syril working in a horribly dystopian, futuristic cubical farm, slow pan so that we can witness the full scope of the horror. (He works in Fuel Purity, I have thoughts.) 

All the ways in which this episode contrasted action versus inaction, being peaceful versus being aggressive and the consequences of both depending on who and what you are within the Empire. You can do nothing or be a pacifist and still get %^&*ed over and murdered for it. CLEM. </3

This show went so hard. I love it all the more.  

Also, ADMIRAL YULAREN HAS LOGGED TF ON !!!!!!!!! He is so sinister if you are used to how cordial he is with Thrawn and Faro et al.  My SW Novel reading arse is so happy right now! 

THIS SHOW. 

[lindzaylove]

eighteen

A Kook's Perspective series

word count: 2.5k

trigger warnings: underage drinking, protective dad, controversial bandana color ???

taglist: @ashleyj27 @pogueslandia @maybankforlife @teelagurl558 @maybanktrash @psychosympathizer @slut4jj @cherrybarzy

gif by: @gemmusings

"are you sure you don't mind honey?" your mom asked, putting her earrings on. you nodded again, hoping your parents would actually leave a lot sooner. "we just feel so bad about leaving you on your birthday."

"mom, it is really okay. i'll probably just order some food and watch movies," you lied. your phone was vibrating in your pocket with the Pogues all wanting to know where you were.

"oh, have some people over! the Camerons would be welcome, that Thornton boy too," your mom stood from her vanity, turning to face you. "how do i look?"

"fabulous, as always," you smiled. she did look absolutely stunning. you were sure she would put all the other military girlfriends and wives to shame at.....whatever event this was in Charleston. at that moment, your dad came in.

"Sarah is outside," your dad said, checking his tie in the mirror before looking at you. "i think she has something for your birthday."

"Sarah Cameron?" you asked, turning to look out the window. there she stood, leaning against a black car with a relatively large and thin pink square in her hand. "what the fu-"

"Y/N," your mom scolded you, coming to look out the window as well. "i didn't know you and Sarah were getting to know one another."

"we aren't," you turned around. "i can walk out with you guys and talk to her then."

"go on down, i want to talk to Y/N for a moment," your dad said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. your mind ran over all the things you've done in the past week to warrant getting in trouble with your dad. you had purposefully stayed home since the boneyard party incident and avoided even speaking to the Pogues in case your parents had caught it.

"so, i saw Jake Allen at the club yesterday," your dad fixed his sleeves. your heart stopped; your whole body froze. he obviously knew everything, but no excuse could pour out of your mouth about why you had been with Rafe.

"he said he saw you and Rafe Cameron driving around the island," he finally looked at you. "at one in the morning."

"he did," you nodded. "i had been down at the beach that night. Rafe, Sarah, Topper Thornton, and Kelce Smith were there doing their own thing. I didn't drive, so instead of letting me walk home, Rafe gave me a ride." you were twirling a bracelet around your wrist behind your back, nerves coursing through you.

"that all that happened?"

"he dropped Kelce off, then Topper and Sarah, and then we got here around one. i wasn't ready to come in so we drove around and listened to music. i got home around three and went straight to bed."

"he ran a red light with you in the car," your dad put his hands in his pockets. "so why didn't i know until yesterday?"

"i dropped my phone and he was just making sure i was okay. we just happened to go through the light. he wasn't speeding or driving erratically at all," you were pleading, though you weren't sure why. he wasn't even angry at you, he was angry with Rafe for getting you in trouble and putting you in danger. you could easily put him under the bus and let your dad drive it over him, but you couldn't. you were getting defensive for him.

"he wasn't drinking or on anything?" your dad was still set in his stance, but you were done playing with your bracelet.

"if i was in danger, you know i would have told Mr. Allen," you crossed your arms. "can i go get my present now?"

"yeah, of course," your dad finally calmed down. "i'm just glad it wasn't one of those other kids you're always hanging out with. they must have been at that party that night."

"mhm," you rolled your eyes as you went down the stairs. outside, it was starting to get warm out as the sun went to reach its peak in the sky. your mom was talking to Sarah, who was standing up straight from the car and moving her hands around as she spoke.

"hey," you greeted them, pulling your cardigan up over your shoulder despite the heat. "what's up?"

"happy birthday," Sarah smiled, going to grab the once forgotten gift she had for you. "it's from Rafe, actually."

"he couldn't give it to her?" your dad asked, joining everyone in the front yard. you were staring at Sarah, hoping Rafe had a really good excuse for sending his sister - for his sake.

"he and my dad are going into Charleston today," Sarah told him. you closed your eyes, praying your dad doesn't make a smart comment.

"we're going into Charleston!" your mother smiled, you could hear it in her voice. "what are you they going for?"

"my dad has some business to do and dragged Rafe along. but you two look much nicer than some business meetings," Sarah complimented them.

you rolled your eyes. your dad was literally in his Marine Corp Dress Blue Uniform.

"open up your gift before we leave you two," your dad said. he was smiling, though it didn't reach his eyes. you pulled the pink tissue paper off the gift, your jaw dropping as you realized what it was. you pulled all the paper off, revealing to everyone the Chase Atlantic Vinyl.

"he got you a record?" Sarah asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"we had talked about it the other night briefly," you brushed hair behind your ear, a big smile on your face. "i also have a record player in my room."

"that's so sweet," your mom said. your dad cleared his throat in response.

"you two need to go before you miss your ferry," you told them, ushering them to your father's car. they both kissed you on the cheek and left. you let out a sigh, coming face to face with Sarah by yourself.

"thank you, for giving this to me," you held up the vinyl slightly. "you can go home now."

"that's not the only reason i'm here," Sarah admitted. you paused to look at her instead of going inside. she held up a bandana - a gray piece of fabric that was far too familiar.

"what are you doing with that?" you turned all the way back around. "is John B. okay?"

"he sent me to come pick you up. you're supposed to be coming over to the chateau for your birthday and i am your ride since i had to see you to give you that," Sarah put the bandana back in her pocket. "so go put that inside and let's go."

"whatever," you mumbled, going back into your house. as you went up the stairs to your room, a piece of paper came out of the vinyl. you stopped and picked it up.

happy birthday, y/n. sorry it doesn't have your favorite song, but i hope it'll do - R.C.

you smiled the rest of the way up to your room, adding the record to your box of others. you switched tops and lost the cardigan.

the note from Rafe was sweet, even if all it really said was happy birthday. you thought over whether or not to add it to your memo board, but you slid it on there despite your better judgement. by the time you got downstairs, Sarah was in her car and scrolling on her phone. you got in the front seat next to her, pulling your phone out. Sarah's music was playing quietly through the speakers, but you quickly went to send Rafe a message on Instagram.

thank you for the gift! it means a lot that you got me something :)

you checked your other messages, quickly heading to the group chat to question why Sarah was suddenly involved in your birthday plans. all you got in reply were the eye emojis, though John B. wasn't answering your messages which made you even more annoyed. you were out of Sarah's car before she was parked.

"John B.!" you yelled, storming into the chateau. he came out of his room, a wide smile on his face.

"hey Y/N! happy eighteenth!" he went to give you a hug, but you out your hands up and blocked him.

"why the hell does Sarah have your dad's bandana?" you pointed at her as she came in. "why is she even here at all?"

"well, you were there when we kissed," John B. swallowed. you crossed your arms, biting gently on your tongue. "and this past week she broke up with Topper and came-"

"she went home with him that night!" you exclaimed. "like held his hand and went into his house."

"you went with them, you can't be mad at her for that," John B. threw it back.

"i didn't kiss someone in front of my boyfriend, then let my boyfriend beat him up, and ultimately leave with my boyfriend," you turned to Sarah. "did you and Topper fuck while you were at his house? you were all over him in the truck."

"i didn't," she glared at you. "let me know when she calms down, i'm going outside."

"funny how she gets to talk to me like i'm a dog and you don't stick up for me at all," you looked at John B. "let alone on my birthday."

"i'll talk to her about it after you explain to me what went through your mind when you went with her," John B. leaned against the wall.

"i was thinking that my father would happily blame you all for what happened and get you all in trouble if i had been seen by the police with you. i was the farthest away from the twinkie and would have gotten as all pulled over and in trouble if you'd have to wait. so excuse me for caring about the well being of my friends," you raised your eyebrows. "gonna go get your girlfriend to apologize now?"

"you went ghost after that night. we all just eventually assumed that Rafe convinced you of something bad. Sarah had said he took you home alone and that after she broke up with Topper she went straight home. she got home around two and he didn't get home until after three. he wouldn't talk about what took him so long so we didn't know what happened," John B. explained. "that doesn't give me the right to be a jerk to you, so i'm sorry."

"my dad knew about the party and i didn't want him to connect it to you guys. but Rafe and i just listened to music, that's all," you said, though you were still hurt that they thought Rafe would have that much influence on you. yeah, being with Rafe was fun, but they were still your friends. you were not that fickle in your opinions.

your opinions on Rafe, however....

"i understand now," John B. gave you a half smile, holding his arms out. "can i give you your birthday hug now?"

"i suppose," you teased with a matching smile, giving him a hug. you two hugged and went outside together, the other four people at John B.'s all looking at you expectantly.

"i'm eighteen, not eighty. you guys can be happy for me," you told them, laughing slightly. Kie was the first to come hug you, Pope following with JJ trailing along. John B. went to Sarah and they seemed to talk. by the time you wrangled out of JJ's grip, Sarah came and apologized.

"hey Y/N," Sarah started, fingers rubbing the thin material tied around her neck. you recognized it as the bandana. however angry you were before, it was John B.. he was your friend and you trusted his judgement - despite how dumb he seemed some times.

"i'm sorry," you told her. "you didn't have to come over this morning and bring me here, but you did. you clearly like John B. and he likes you, and you won't be going anywhere. i just thought it was going to be us five, but six is a better number."

"i'm sorry for being rude too, especially since it's clear how much you care ab-"

"let's get this party started!" JJ yelled, interrupting you and Sarah by pulling a beer out of no where and handing it to you. you took a drink and smiled at Sarah.

it truly was the beginning of one of your favorite days ever.

there was glow sticks, alcohol, and a hot tub. you got more bracelets from Kie, a book you had been wanting to read from Pope, a serenade from John B. and JJ, and an IOU from Sarah. there was so much laughter and cheer, you couldn't believe that once upon a time these people weren't your friends. you were so grateful for them, for the adventures they've taken you on.

nonetheless, nagging in the back of your mind, was that feeling in your chest. were you having fun doing something you shouldn't be right now? yes. was it giving you that feeling? unfortunately, no. your brain kept thinking about Rafe despite the dancing and drinking with your friends. you kept thinking about that feeling in your chest you were missing. you were really trying to not let it bother you. you wanted to find your way back to Rafe's truck with the windows down and music blaring. you realized you would probably be chasing that feeling for the rest of your life. the revelation made you ready to go home and listen to your new vinyl - at least that would remind you of that feeling. it was the first time you had ever felt out of place while with your friends.

"hey, are you feeling okay?" Sarah asked, gently touching your elbow. you vaguely remembered that she wasn't drinking because John B. knew you had to be home by the time your parents got back.

"i should probably get home. it's getting late," you nodded, putting your drink down on the counter. "where are my-"

"in my car already. say your goodbyes and i'll see you out there," Sarah smiled, heading out the door to the porch. you splashed some water in your face, hoping to finally calm yourself down. it was dark out now, and you were probably supposed to be home. you checked your phone again, the only message being from Rafe.

"who's that?" Kie asked, popping in next to you. you locked your phone, shoving it in your pocket.

"just some birthday wishes," you waved it off, holding Rafe as your secret. it was just a birthday present anyway, no need to get everyone torn up about it.

"happy birthday, Y/N," Kie hugged you suddenly. "i can't wait to go on a road trip with you once we graduate."

"of course," you hugged her back. "thank you for an amazing night, as always. you're a great friend, Kiara."

"you're just going home for the night, Y/N. no one is disappearing forever," she laughed pushing you out the door while she went to the bathroom. you gave your hugs to the boys before getting into Sarah's car. you checked your phone again, finally being able to see his reply.

i'm glad you like it, you deserve it. happy birthday, y/n x

[fredshufflepuff]

hiii can i request fred enemies to lovers with short hufflepuff reader where he just tease her endlessly abt her height and usually the reader ignores it but overtime it just becomes one of her biggest insecurities. other students began to bully the reader for the same reason and she just feel so unfair that they are doing that for something she cannot control. she became extremely quiet and avoid large crowd overall and fred noticed that. he saw what the other students are doing and saying abt the reader and got angry at them. he confronts reader and apologizes for everything he had done and tells her that she was perfect in her own way. sorry if it’s so long and detailed or confusing 😅 thank uuu i love your blog smmm

out of my control || f.w ✧˖*°࿐

summary: fred makes fun of your height relentlessly but doesn’t realize how it’s slowly breaking you.

a/n: did i not know how to head it? yes. are you going to bully me for it? NO >:(

warnings: enemies to lovers, fem!reader, language, teasing, draco being a bully >:/, asshole fred

word count: 1,982

“hey shortstack” a familiar voice taunted, the feeling of a sudden presence forming behind you.

you were on your tip toes trying to grab a potions book for your upcoming exam, obviously failing since it was placed on the second highest shelf.

you could’ve used your wand to wisk it down, but last time you did that you almost made the entire bookshelf come down.

which only peeved off madam pince into threatening you with a weeks worth of detention.

“what do you want, fred?” you asked, turning around and facing the dick who never seems to leave you alone.

“nothing much” he shrugged, reaching over you and grabbing the book you had been trying to get, “just wanted to see you.”

“see me?” your eyebrows raised in confusion as your head titled to the side, your fingers coming up to grab the book but fred pulled away.

“wow, short and gullible?” he laughed, tossing the book to the top of the shelf before walking off, your face heating up as you scoffed at his comment.

“bastard...”

a week went by of freds teasing only increasing, the boy commenting on your height and how small you were whenever he could, which, was a lot.

you didn’t know why he picked on you so much. you never crossed him in any way—that you knew of.

but you also didn’t want to come off as sensitive.

fred didn’t necessarily bully you per say, but his jabs and comments about how you looked—especially on things you couldn’t control, really stung.

you were currently paired with fred for a potions assignment, snape choosing the partners before telling everyone to get started.

“get the cauldron” the boy said, waving his hand at you before plopping himself down in the chair, your eyes narrowing at him in annoyance.

“you know i can’t fucking reach the cauldrons” you snapped, going to sit but fred pulled your chair away.

“that’s why i told you to go get it, it’ll be funny seeing you make a fool of yourself” he snapped, turning away from you with your chair so you couldn’t sit.

“go fuck yourself” you mumbled, storming towards the shelves of cauldrons as students started to make their way back.

you stood in front of the intimidating shelf with a heart clenching feeling in your chest. fred was right, you were destined to embarrass yourself—and no way in hell would snape let you levitate one down.

you looked around the room for a stool you could use, a frown on your face when you didn’t see one.

your hands reached up as you raised to your toes, squinting your eyes and turning your head to the side as you tried to grab the cauldron.

your fingers gripped the cool material of the pot before slowly sliding it towards you, not knowing how close it was to the edge until it dropped.

dropped on you.

it fell heavy on your foot as you yelped loudly in pain, falling to the ground as your hands tried desperately to catch yourself.

“ms.y/l/n! detention for two weeks, are you out of your mind?!” snape barked, everyone’s eyes on yours including freds.

“i-i didn’t do it on purpos—”

“zip it! longbottom-” snape snapped, the boy jumping nervously as he stuttered out a small ‘yes sir?’

“-bring her to madam pomfrey, come straight back when you’re done.”

you spent only an hour in the infirmary, pomfrey claiming you had sprained your foot, but broke your big toe in the process.

pomfrey wanted to keep you overnight, but you insisted on finishing your classes—or at least going back to rest in your dorm.

she gave you crutches and sent you on your way, reminding you that you were welcomed back to the infirmary if you changed your mind.

“crutches? really, tiny pants?”

“tiny pants?” you scoffed, adjusting your book bag that was threatening to fall, “really? how creative.”

“y’know, i was going to help you with your bag, but i think i’ll just watch you struggle” he said, making you scoff as you rolled your eyes.

“like i needed your help.”

just as those words left your mouth, your bag dropped to the ground with a thud.

you groaned mentally to yourself as you stared at the bag, fred laughing his ass off as you tried asking him to pick it up.

you felt stupid asking, but you were tired and your toe was in pain, you just wanted to get to your dorm.

“see you later, short stack.”

you countered up a quick levitation spell, struggling to cast it since you were balancing on one arm, the other leaning on your crutch.

when you finally did grab it, you hobbled your way to the hufflepuff common room while mumbling profanity’s under your breath—mostly cursing out fred for not helping and instead calling you names.

over the next few days your toe fully healed, madam pomfrey giving you a nasty but effective potion to help heal your bone quicker.

“take these three vials after breakfast, lunch, and dinner. start tomorrow morning” pomfrey said, handing you the tiny clear bottles as you nodded in response.

“thank you, i really appreciate it.”

you made your way out of the infirmary and back to your dorm, slipping past the students that hurried past you for today’s quidditch game, slytherin vs gryffindor.

“hey, short stack!” a familiar and irritating voice called, your legs moving faster as you sped walk down the corridor.

the footsteps got closer as you soon felt a heavy arm fall onto your shoulder, a small grunt leaving your lips as you shoved the boy away.

“oooh, snappy now are we?”

“fuck off.”

fred only laughed at your words, tossing his clean sweep back and forth as he followed you to the dorms.

“coming to the game?”

“no” you grumbled, praying to merlin the annoying red head would just leave you alone.

“awh what a shame, i was hoping on seeing my favorite cheerleader there,” his words were laced with sarcasm, the boy poking at your face as you shoved him once again.

he wanted a reaction,that’s what fred always wanted.

but you didn’t give him one, instead you went straight to your common room and up to your dorm, fred soon getting bored and heading off to his game.

you didn’t remember much from that night, just falling asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.

you trudged your way to the main hall with your book bag tossed lazily over your shoulder, today being a free day for students to catch up on missing work and assignments.

you were planning on grabbing something small for breakfast before heading to the library to catch up on some studying.

you were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice you had ran straight into another student, your legs stumbling back as they cursed at you.

“watch it, first year!” draco malfoy scolded at you, your eyebrows furrowing together as your mouth fell open.

“i-i’m not a first year, i’m in the same year as you—”

“she’s just short” crabbe snickered, the blonde next to him chuckling as he eyed you up and down—which, made you extremely uncomfortable.

“stay out of my way, or you’ll get trampled” he said, his words sharp as they practically dug into your skin.

trampled? was he being serious?

“better yet, stay out of everyone’s way.”

later that day you stayed locked away in your dorm, deciding to just study there and snack on the treats you bought earlier on in the week.

you thought it was just fred that felt that way towards you, but apparently it wasn’t.

were you really that much of a burden to people?

you stayed locked away in your dorm till almost night fall. your eyes were burning from staring at the same wooden desk and book you had brought with you, along with your stomach rumbling since you hadn’t eaten much that day.

you decided to head back down to the main hall to grab some dinner and then come back up, wanting to make the trip as quick as possible.

but of course, knowing your luck, that didn’t happen.

you were walking down the ‘somewhat’ empty corridor when your eyes landed on fred, the red head smirking as he saw you which only made your stomach churn.

you tried turning around to take another path, but ran face first into someone who had been walking behind you.

“it’s the short hufflepuff again” the voice cackled, shoving you to the ground as your body hit the concrete with a thud, a low groan falling from your lips as your head started to spin.

“i said stay out of my way or you’ll get trampled, and guess what, i was true to my word” malfoy sneered, his friends laughing at his comment as your face reddened with embarrassment.

tears were pricking your eyes and your chest was heaving up and down, you felt so small compared to everyone else, you felt so tiny and defenseless.

“you want to see trampled, malfoy?” a voice boomed from behind you, your head snapping to the side as you watched fred approaching you from behind.

you felt intimidated by him, the way his body loomed over yours made you feel sick, especially with how he’s been treating you.

“ah, weasley! come to see the show?”

“there is no show, unless you prefer your goons here to see you receive a black eye” he said calmly, the blonde narrowing his eyes at the boy before shoving past everyone, crabbe and goyle running after him.

fred turned to see if you were okay, his eyes softening as he watched tears roll down your face.

“are you oka-”

“okay?! am i o-okay?” you asked, picking yourself up and violently rubbing your tears away, “no i’m not fred! malfoy was never the problem, it was always you!”

“but i-”

“you what?!” you spat, “you were just joking?”

“y/n, i never meant to hurt you” he mumbled, his face heating up as guilt formed in his stomach. he’s been a dick to you all this time and has just now realized what his words were really doing.

“then what was your intention?” you asked.

“i-i just” he didn’t know what to say, there was only one thing to say, “i’m sorry.”

“s-sorry?”

“sorry for picking on you every day for something you can’t control, sorry for making you struggle when you clearly needed help” he spewed out, not even stopping to think as the words he’s been meaning to say fell from his mouth, “i think you’re absolutely perfect the way you are, and i realize now how much of a jerk i was—how much i was hurting you.”

“how can you make fun of something i can’t control and then come to me saying i’m perfect the way i am? are you out of your mind?!” you asked, voice holding annoyance but mostly hurt—what was fred trying to get at?

“i just thought- it’s stupid i know but, i just thought teasing you would be easier than admitting my feelings.”

“f-feelings?”

“for you” he says, voice only just above a whisper as he let his words sink into you. he has feelings for you?

“but i understand if you don’t feel the same, i was rotten to you. i wouldn’t even help you pick up your bag when you were in crutches! i was just so blinded by my own stupidity to actually man up and do something-”

you cut fred off by pulling him into a kiss, his rambling coming to a stop as he melted into your touch. you had to stand on your tip toes to reach him, but fred helped by leaning over and cupping your face.

“i think your height is adorable” he mumbled against your lips, a blush taking over your face as you pulled him back into the kiss.

“just shut up and kiss me.”

fred weasley tag list 🏷 @90smalfoy @astoria-malfcy @whipped-for-the-weasley-twins @ang9lic @malfoysbiitch @Harrypotter_Whore @aetheralist @miraclesoflove @amourtentiaa @myloveforluna @bellatrixscurls @an2402lths @marrymetheonott @skaratjung @wh0re4blaise @dreamxnotxfound @fjorelaant @pinkandblueblurbs

[buckysgoldenheart]

Just Us

Henry Cavill x Reader

Summary: Henry is sick and tired of you bringing dates back to your shared apartment, and he has no problem letting you know. So basically, mega jealous Henry, which I am a pathetic sucker for.

Warnings: mentions of sex, lots of cursing. I think that’s it.

Notes: this is kind of similar to another fic I did, and I try not to do that, but I just really felt the need to write this, so I did.

Words: 2732

Henry’s mood turned sour the second you walked through the door with your date in tow. You came in with a bright smile on your face that he returned with a scowl, but you did your best to brush it off. Your roommate acting like an overgrown child every time you brought home a guest was nothing new; you certainly weren’t surprised, and you had no intention of stooping to his level.

“Don’t mind us,” You called to Henry from over your shoulder as you shed your coat and draped it on the hook. “This is James.”

Henry only grunted in response, not looking up from fixing his dinner; peanut butter about to be spread messily on a slice of wheat bread. You rolled your eyes, took James’s coat and led him over to the couch where he smiled sweetly when you invited him to sit and offered him a drink.

Entering the kitchen, you opened the fridge door and pulled out two beers. “So?” You asked, your eyebrow raised as you searched for the bottle opener in the junk drawer. Henry dropped the knife with a clang on the countertop, then turned to you and crossed his arms.

“So, you just thought this was fine,” He asked, his voice dripping with aggravated sarcasm as he shrugged his broad shoulders and frowned. “Just whatever, no big deal?”

You chuckled at the weak argument you’d had at least three times before. You wouldn’t have given him the chance to say anything about your date at all if you knew he wasn’t going to hang on to it the entire night just to explode in the morning for bringing a stranger into his home. Your home too, you would often have to remind him. So, it was your mission to let him get the anger out early in the night. You’d be less likely to have to worry about it later and could focus your attention on the man sitting in your living room rather than Henry’s imminent frustration.

“Henry,” You sighed and took a sip of your beer. “As of right now, it’s just the continuation of an innocent date. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“As of right now?” Henry huffed deeply. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that if it gets a little heated, I promise not to make out with him in front of you, but at this current time, you have little to worry about.”

He sucked in a long breath through his nostrils. “Ok, that’s—”

“And we won’t fuck on our couch. I’ll take him to my room so you don’t have to see anything scarring,” You teased with a wink.

“Ok, enough.”

“And we won’t be loud, I swear.”

“Enough!” He snapped. You quickly whipped your head around the corner to see if James heard, but he was still sitting there, playing with his fingernails as he patiently waited for you like the gentleman he was. When you looked back at Henry, he was practically quaking with anger. “Get that asshole out of my apartment.”

“Um, our apartment. And no thank you.” You smiled and cocked your head to the side as innocently as you could. “I’d like to be having sex tonight.”

“With him?” Henry pointed a long finger in your date’s general direction. The fury in his eyes could’ve stabbed James through the back of his head if the wall weren’t in the way.

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously.”

“For fucks sake, Y/N. Have some self-respect.”

Your playful smile instantly dropped, and if you weren’t leaning against the wall, you would’ve stumbled. Henry had said a lot of things before; Hurtful things, things that made you want to slap him, but something about this felt worse. Assuming you were devaluing yourself by wanting to have sex with a man who was sweet, and kind and generous, and million other lovely things men, other than Henry, have never been to you, was like a stab to the gut. Henry was your best friend; you were his. You supported his choices and dreams, and it seemed Henry did the same for you unless it came to this very particular subject. He hated every man you brought around, but bringing them around or getting involved with them did not make you a stupid girl who cannot take care of herself.

“Jesus Henry, stay in your lane, would you?” You said, shaking your head and rubbing at your temple with your free fingers. “I don’t need my best friend giving me shit. Why can’t I bring a guy here without you acting like a complete dick to him and me?”

He stepped closer until you had to look up to meet his glare. “You’re a very smart girl, Y/N. Figure it out,” he growled, then moved around you, but you grabbed his arm before he could escape yet again. Every time, he tried to escape. Every time, he stomped away from you like a grump as if you had some reason to be sorry or ashamed, and you weren’t having it any longer.

“We aren’t children, Henry. I’m not playing this game. If you’ve got a problem with me, say it to my fucking face.”

He stared at you for a long beat, but then shook your hand off him and made his way down the hall, slamming the door to his room once he was inside.

 -----------------------------------------------------

James was better than most at kissing you, and you’d kissed your fair share. He knew what you wanted--how you liked things--without you needing to ask, and it was like its own little miracle. There was no fumbling around. His lips were firm and his arms around you were strong. He was confident in his touch on your skin as you straddled his lap, and all of it combined had you a moaning, whimpering mess.

“I wasn’t sure we would actually get to do this,” He said between kisses as you both tried to catch your breath.

“Why?” You lightly chuckled, your fingers skimming down to the little buttons holding his shirt together and easing one open. “I’m certainly having a good time.”

“Believe me sweetheart, I am too, but Superman there looked like he wanted to kick my ass.”

Fucking Superman. That asshole had come out of his room at random, inconvenient times as you and James lightly pawed at one another throughout the movie, and you both could feel Henry’s eyes on you. After the look he gave you the first time he came into the living room, you stopped turning your heads his way when his heavy footsteps thudded against the hardwood.

You made a low humming sound that had James’s cock twitching in his pants, and you moved your head down to peck your lips against his. “Don’t bother with him,” You whispered.

He leaned into the light scratching your nails were giving the side of his scalp, and with a groan, said, “If you say so, babydoll, I won’t give it a second thought.”

“Good.” You smiled, satisfied, then kissed him again but he pulled back barely a minute later.

“It’s just…the way he looks at you.”

“He’s a protective friend.” You snickered and ground your hips down on his a little harder to get him back on track.

He groaned as his fingers dug into your waist, but it didn’t distract him. “No, it’s not only that. It’s like…” His lips pursed trying to find the words. “He looks at you in a way that friends normally do not look at one another.”

“He’s got some weird attitude tonight, ok? It’s nothing.” Grabbing his cheeks, you forced him to look directly at you when you said, “Now keep kissing me before I get too impatient.”

 -------------------------------------------------------------

At two in the morning, you figured you were safe. You figured there would be a direct and easy path to the front door of your apartment as you let James out with a smile and a goodbye kiss and promises to text one another the next day, though you weren’t sure how much either of you really meant it. And you were right, there was an uninterrupted tiptoeing to the door. It was when you turned back for your bedroom that you realized the path had a roadblock.

Henry stood in front of you, the fumes nearly visibly wafting off him, with the harshest look he had ever directed at you taking over his entire face. It was a disservice to his handsome features and made your stomach twist uneasily.

“Is this for fucking real right now?” He growled so intensely it vibrated in your ears. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

“Jesus, Henry, you scared me.”

“You actually slept with that guy?”

“Wh—”

“Un-fucking-believable.” Laughing half-heartedly, he ran one of his hands down his face, but that was all it took for the shock to wear off and for your annoyance to set in.

“Ok, I’m done with this. What is your goddamn problem?”

The two of you didn’t fight this way. Not for long anyway, and even so, this time was significantly worse than any other. Outbursts happened for the both of you, snapping, and words you wish you could take back, but Henry was still looking at you the way he had earlier in the night; like you were a reckless child he was losing respect for by the minute, and it broke your heart.

He stared at you as if expecting you to have an answer to your own question, but when you didn’t continue, he shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck, and said, “I’m going to a hotel. I can’t be here right now.”

“What? Henry, why?”

His keys were in hand, his phone and wallet tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants, when it finally registered to you that he wasn’t kidding. He was leaving so fast he didn’t care to take anything other than the necessities with him. That’s how much he wanted to get away from you, and you hated it. You never wanted to get away from him.

Light from the hall streamed through the doorway as you finally began to follow after him. You grabbed at his t-shirt when he wouldn’t respond to your repeating calling of his name, and he whipped around fast with a frown down at you. Your mouth kept opening and closing, unsure of what to say.

He sniffed once, thinned his lips, and removed your hand from his body, then as calmly as he had spoken all night, said, “I’m in fucking love with you.”

Then door was slammed behind him, jarring you and leaving you to soak the night in.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------

When he said those words to you, the six words that he would never be able to take back, the ones that irrevocably changed your friendship in the blink of an eye, everything inside of you began to tremble and vibrate and beat with such intensity you could almost feel the functions of your body. Your blood was pumping a hell of a lot faster and you heart was ready to burst.

Your brain, your skin, the nerves and veins under that skin; every bit of you was working overtime to help process what happened and keep you alert as you did so, and maybe it was all a little overkill, but he had said the one thing you never thought you’d hear.

I’m in fucking love with you.

It would repeat over and over in your head, bouncing around the walls of your skull as it tried to find a way to escape, but there was no use. You could never forget his confession, or the way he said it. There was something desperate about it, weak. There was exhaustion, as if he were tired of holding it back and had given up on even trying.

It was too much. You’d never dismiss it, and God, when he got his ass back home you wouldn’t let him brush it aside, but for now, it was too much.

You wanted sleep after sitting completely still for two hours, staring into space. So you carried your body to the closest room, his room, crawled into his bed, and tangled yourself within the sheets until you wouldn’t be able to unwrap yourself without effort you did not possess at such an ungodly hour. You were stuck, trapped, engulfed by him, just like you wanted to be. Then you took his king-sized pillow, massive like his body, and hugged it to your chest, tucking your face in it. It smelled like him, all musky and piney and perfect in a way that always made you dizzy when he would sit a little too close and drape a long arm around your shoulders as you watched tv or read a book.

And you cried yourself to sleep, wishing he was beside you.

 --------------------------------------------------------------

Henry came back in the morning, though he wasn’t sure how he gathered the courage. Maybe it was the fact that it was you. Just you, his best friend, his roommate. He loved you in more ways than one, and perhaps it was that knowledge that made him a little stronger.

He’d face you, and he’d do it with the intention of making everything clear. He was in love with you and it wasn’t going to change. He loved you as his friend; that wasn’t going to change either, and no way in hell was he going to lose you twice over.

Taking a few deep breaths, Henry unlocked the front door and eased his way inside. You weren’t around the sunlit soaked first floor of the apartment, and when he traipsed upstairs and nudged your door open, you weren’t there either. He wanted you tucked in your bed, not gone and probably terrified at the thought of seeing him, so running to James’s or Jake’s or Jason’s apartment to avoid him. That would be the perfect painful exclamation point on the disaster of his poor decision making.

Then he found you. Not missing, but snug in his bed, warming the mattress with your body as it dipped the slightest under your weight. Everything about the sight killed him and melted his heart simultaneously. There you were, laying peacefully angelic, right where he had wanted you for months. And it looked so beautifully natural.

Not even stopping to think, Henry inched his way to the other side of his bed, lifted the duvet and slid beneath it. He reached an arm around your waist and pulled you close to kiss your forehead, then tucked his face into the crook of your neck. When you stirred, he leaned back to take in your face as your eyebrows scrunched and your lips parted in a yawn.

You didn’t open your eyes but rose a hand, placed it on his cheek, and ran a thumb along the corner of his mouth. As the goosebumps spawned all over his body, he wasn’t even sure you were fully awake, but then you whispered, “It was always you, Henry. Always.”

Henry swallowed hard as your sleepy voice continued.

“I figured you weren’t an option, and I was doing my best working around that.”

After running a hand over your hair and tucking some behind your ear, Henry pressed a kiss to your lips. A short, soft one to see how you’d react. Then you opened your eyes slowly and met your Y/E/C with his blue.

“Do it again,” You said, and so he connected your lips a little firmer, tightening his hold on you, and rolling on his back until your body splayed over his.

You moaned when he caressed his tongue against yours after opening your mouth an inch. Your heart fluttered in your chest the stupid way dramatic, moony-eyed women often described it in novels. You thought it was a myth, the idea that anyone could make you feel so loved just from a kiss, and you’d lost hope for that kind of thing long ago. But Henry ripped your pessimism to shreds in a matter of minutes.

“I want you to be mine,” he mumbled against your lips. “Just mine.”

“Then I’m yours,” You said without hesitation, tilting your head back enough to look in his eyes. You nudged your nose against his. “Just yours.”

---

Tags: @dugan365 @moonlightimagination @pietrotheavenger @marvel-fanfiction @hawkeyeharrington @dani-si @wintersoldier98 @then-there-was-me-emily @prxttybirdz​ @jazzwoman897​ @meganwinchester1999​ @ufffg​ @debra77​ @rebelliouscat​ @anise-d-castle6​ @projectxhappiness​ @lowkeysebby​ @stringgeek13​ @notmyfault404​ @jjamesbbarness​ @guera31​ @sophiatomlinson23​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @hiddles-rose​ @picapicapicassobaby​ @lokilvrr​ @sunshine-seven @harrysthiccthighss​ @agniavateira​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @tumblnewby @summersong69​ @starlite13​ @mstgsmy​ @purplelove75​ @defffcc​ @the-soot-sprite​ @kissthatlifeaway @atomicpaperhairdouniversity​ @aquariuslavenderhoney​ @the-problem-of-leisure​ @amberlokabrenna​

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxiii - weeping

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

It took Seonghwa a while to work up his courage and knock at your door. True, he was the one who contacted you first but truth to be told, he wasn't thinking when he chatted you up. But he had already said that he was coming so he had to do it.

You called out from inside with a shaky voice, very noticeable to Seonghwa. Before he walked in, he took a deep breath to calm his mind and stabilize himself. When he felt he was ready, he opened the door and peeked in.

"Hi (Y/N)," he greeted. You were sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, initially staring at your bed before snapping your head to look at Seonghwa. From your bed, you forced a smile at him. The use of your name was rather... hurtful but you couldn't complain after what you've done. Yeosang's words kept replaying in your head nonstop

"Hey, Hwa, I'm sorry," you said, your gaze dropped to your intertwined hands on your lap.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at you and walked towards your bed after closing the door behind him. He took a seat by your side, rather awkwardly if he had to admit.

"Why are you saying sorry for?" he asked. He had an idea as to why you said sorry. But to him, it wasn't that important at the moment, he was honestly just glad that you were unscathed.

You couldn't look at Seonghwa directly, the shame and fear were eating you alive and it made you uncomfortable. You wanted to tell him how you felt, how sorry you are, and what drove you to wordlessly disappear like you did.

But you don't know how to start.

So you sat silently as tears began to drop from your eyes.

Seeing this, Seonghwa's heart broke and he immediately enveloped you in a hug. "Honey, why are you crying? Did I said something wrong?" he asked as he started to rub your arms, chuckling slightly. You couldn't let any words out, you could only let out pitiful sobs as you bury your face in his chest, your arms slowly wrapped themselves around his slim waist.

Due to the uncomfortable position, Seonghwa slowly leaned back onto the headboard with you so you could be snug in his arms.

As per usual, Seonghwa's arms felt like home, you felt completely protected and cared for. Which was annoying since you were supposed to be at odds with them all.

You both stayed in that position, completely disregarding everything else. As you sobbed, Seonghwa kept rubbing your back soothingly. sure, you both liked the silence and the calmness of the situation. But there were just a lot of things left unsaid and the both of you realized that there were things that you needed to talk about.

"We really do miss you, you know?" Seonghwa said, breaking the silence. You looked up through your tears to see him smiling softly at you. One of his hands reached forward to wipe the tears off your cheeks, "We were really useless without you, you know?" he told you with a pout. You couldn't help but giggle at him, "Yeah? I was miserable too, you know? I couldn't tell any of you guys where I was and I had to hide at Haknyeon's apartment that he shared with his roommates," you told him.

Just as you were about to get comfortable again, Seonghwa pulled you back slightly to look at your face. He had his eyebrows furrowed whilst looking at you with a weird expression.

"You weren't with your parents?" he asked. It was your turn to be confused. You furrowed your eyebrows back at him, "Well, yeah, I couldn't stay at home," you told him.

It was true. You were tormented knowing that Sunhee, Jinhee, and Gaho knew about things going on at the frat. So much so that it made you paranoid.

In the end, you turned to the one person you knew could protect you, your cousin Haknyeon. Sadly, he had recently moved in with three other men in a nearby apartment which his other seven friends were staying on different floors. The plus side was you had sure security and you were never lonely.

"Why couldn't you stay at- did your parents knew that you were staying somewhere else?" he asked.

Confused at the sudden change of tone in his voice, you sat up and turn to face him with crossed legs, "No, they don't know. Why are you making a big deal out of this? It's not like Haknyeon and his friends are bad guys," you tried to reason with him.

But at the mention of 'guys', Seonghwa's eyes bulged out and he immediately sat up straight, "Guys?? His roommates are guys??" he asked in disbelief.

A bad feeling crept up in you and you suddenly felt like you don't wanna say anything anymore. But you know you had to answer him if you don't want the situation to become worse.

"How many people were there?" he asked. His once soft expression turned hard, his jaw clenching and his fists balled up. "There were three roommates in his apartment, so there were five of us," "Was Haknyeon always there with you?" "N-no, there were times when Haknyeon had to go out to deal with things and his roommates stayed behind, at least two of them were always around,"

You were being honest, so you didn't have to feel nervous. But somehow you do. With how Seonghwa was staring at you, your brain was blaring the danger alarm.

As his fists unclench and his gaze faltered to a softer one, you began to relax slightly. Seonghwa let out a sigh as he looked to the side, seemingly thinking about something.

But then something flashed in his eyes, it was as if he made a sudden realization.

"What did you meant by 'three in his apartment'? Why did you have to specify that there were three roommates in HIS apartment?" he pressed.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. You didn't even realize that you said that. With the way he asked the question, you just knew that the conversation was not going to end well.

"What I meant... Was... That... Uh..." your voice turned softer as you tried to think about the perfect way to explain to him. But the intensity of his stare messed your brain up, "Haknyeon's other friends also lived in that apartment on different floors, so sometimes all twelve of us hung out together,"

At the mention of the actual number of guys there, Seonghwa jumped off the bed to stand towering over you with his hands on his waist, "So eleven!? There were eleven men around you in which three were always with you during the night!?" he exclaimed.

"W-well, if you put it like that-"

"How else am I supposed to put it, (Y/N)!? You LEFT us for whatever reason there were only to go to an apartment with more guys?? What the fuck, (Y/N)!?" he spat out.

His insinuation that you were out whoring yourself hurt. It hurt so much.

As you tried to speak, your voice cracked, "Y-you think I re-really went out to other guys?" you asked, obviously brokenhearted at the insinuation.

If Seonghwa realized how much you were hurt because of his words, he definitely didn't show it. He let out an exasperated and sharp sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know what to think, okay? But Yeosang made a good point earlier; you DID leave us with no explanation and without telling anyone, and now you told me you were staying with other guys? How am I supposed to think!?"

Tears began to drop from your eyes once again, "Hwa, I was with my cousin," your voice was so small, that you were sure Seonghwa couldn't hear you.

Especially with how emotional he got.

"We're not mere options, (Y/N). The fact that I had to tell you that is just infuriating, you know!? We were worried sick about you, and where were you? Having fun with your cousin and his guy friends," he stopped himself when he felt like he was getting overwhelmed. He took a couple of deep breaths with closed eyes, trying to not blow up. As best as he could at least.

After calming himself down, he spoke up again, "I know we were never official, but we told you we loved you and we were genuine about it. If options were what you were looking for, you're with the wrong guys. You're free to make your own choices, but don't play with someone's feelings if you were never sure to begin with," he said before turning around and leave the room.

Feeling hopeless, you broke down and cried out. Tears streamed down your face like a waterfall as your breath became uneven. Your head pounded from the overwhelming emotion and lack of oxygen that tried to enter your lungs through your pitiful sobs.

You tried your best to not cry too loud by covering your mouth and folding yourself into a fetal position on the bed.

The boys really hated you. They all think you were just playing with them and that you left to pursue something more. You considered Yeosang's and Seonghwa's words, how you didn't even try to communicate with them. For whatever reason you had, you just HAD to make a choice alone. A choice that affected nine people.

Maybe it was best to really leave them.

They deserved someone better than you, someone, who would be able to be there with them and be honest and open. Someone who wouldn't just bring shit to them. That someone could've been you, but maybe you hurt them too much to the point that it was all too late.

So you grab your phone from the nightstand after sitting up to dial a number.

The call connected and the person at the other line picked up almost immediately.

"Hello? Yeah, it's me. I-I know it's late and I-I h-have no right to bother you again after everything, but do you think you can help me?"

taglist :

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[violetlilysunshine]

Be Careful

Harry Holland x Actress Reader

Requested

@harryhollandsgirlfriend: Ok, ok, a request for y/n and Harry being in a new relationship and the boys are all hesitant about it and worried y/n is there for the wrong reasons and just Harry defending you and how you all work through that. 🥺

WC: 1,505

Warnings: swearing (one f-bomb)

A/N: Kinda left it between the boys, hope that’s okay. Also first time using a taglist, so hopefully it goes well :)

MASTERLIST - TAGLIST

You’d met the brothers while they were sightseeing in Atlanta, instantly hitting it off with Harry. The two of you had been friendly for a while after that, casually flirting and always finding ways to get together. 

He’d asked you out a little while ago, taking you out secretly. He wasn’t ready to tell anybody, specifically Tom, yet; he didn’t know what they would think, given your history together. They were worried that you were just hanging around with them for the fame, knowing that you wanted to work your way up in Hollywood as well. Of course, it wasn’t really anything to do with you personally, they just felt that they had to be cautious of all new people who came around. 

Harry, however, knew that you were genuine. He had obviously gotten to know you the best and knew that you really cared more about people than fame. Sure you wanted to act, but you also valued privacy, just like he and Tom did. 

Harry met you for lunch a couple days ago, in between scenes just because he wanted to see you. You did little things like this as often as you could, while still keeping things quiet. It was kind of fun sneaking around with him; it made every little second you could steal together even better.

“So, uh, somethings sorta been on my mind,” he stuttered.

“What’s up, bub?” you asked.

“Well I want to tell Tom about us and like, I wanna make sure that’s okay with you.”

“Why are you asking me that, Har?” you chuckled.

“Well, we haven’t told people, so like, I wanna know if it’s okay if I do…”

“You’re the one that didn’t tell Tom,” you pointed out gently, “he’s your brother after all, it’s up to you.”

There was a slight pause in the conversation; you could tell that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“I just want you to be comfortable,” you soothed him, “It doesn’t bother me if we tell him right now or not, whenever you’re ready.” 

“Well I think I want to tell him,” he said, “I wanna be able to have you over and cuddle on the couch and hold hands around him. Ya know, all the boyfriend stuff…” he trailed off.

“Okay, babe,” you said softly, before repeating, “whenever you’re ready.” 

You smiled gently at him, watching his lips curve up slowly. He was so ready to be open with you and couldn’t wait to get it off his chest. 

“Maybe I should tell him alone,” he added, “ya know, brother to brother…”

“Whatever you want,” you said, grabbing his hand gently under the table.

“I’ll have to tell Haz too, ya know, since he’s always around.”

“That’s fine - whoever you want, whenever you want. And, to be honest, I wanna be able to come over and do all of that too,” you comforted him. 

“Thanks, darling,” he whispered, squeezing your hand for a second before letting go and continuing to eat.

“And for the record, ya know, if we’re telling things…” you trailed.

Harry’s heartbeat quickened at that, “yes, darling?” he questioned, not knowing what could possibly be coming at him. 

“I have told someone,” you whispered.

“Oh,” he said shortly, eyes widening, “when? who?” 

“My best friend, before our first date… ya know, I just wanted to make someone aware of what was going on and who I was going out with and where I would be, ya know, in case something bad happened. Can’t be too careful these days.”

Harry chuckled at that, dropping his head and shaking it lightly.

“But she’s the only one, and she won’t say anything, promise. I mean, she hasn’t yet, so you can trust me when I say that,” you smiled. 

Harry smiled at you widely, “I do trust you,” he whispered, leaning in and pecking you gently.

~~~~~

He decided on Friday that he was going to tell Tom and Harrison about the two of you. Half of him casually wanted to drop it like, “oh yeah, I’m taking Y/N out tonight,” on his way out the door, but the other half of him knew that he just had to be straight up with them. 

They came in from the gym, dropping their bags right in front of the door, arguing about who gets to shower first. 

“You got it first last time!” Harrison shouted at Tom, kicking his shoes off.

“Well I got there before you, mate, not my fault,” Tom countered. 

They stood in the doorway, staring each other down for a second. 

“Not happening today,” Harrison said quietly, taking off running towards his bedroom to get his clothes and hurry to the shower.

Little did he know, Tom had already laid his clothes out on the bed so all he had to do was grab them and go to the bathroom.

The bathroom door slammed upstairs and Harry knew what was coming -

“GOD YOU ARSE!” Harrison screamed, followed by Tom’s loud laugh from behind the closed door.

Harrison came jogging down the stairs and into the living room, “god can you believe that guy?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Harry chuckled, “brothers…” 

Harrison just laughed at him, pulling out his phone to scroll through Instagram while waiting for the shower. Maybe starting with just Harrison would be easier…

“So, Haz?” Harry asked after a while of just sitting in silence. He was trying to sound casual, but inside he was shitting himself.

“Hmm?” Harrison hummed, not looking up from his phone. 

“I uh, I’m taking Y/N out tonight…”

“Yeah? What’re you guys doing? Maybe Tom and I can tag along.” Harrison questioned.

“No, mate, not like that, I’m dating her,” Harry said bluntly, “have been for a few weeks.” 

Harrison didn’t know how to react; he wanted his friend to be happy, but at the same time he worried about you using him. What if you got what you wanted and then just left? And broke Harry’s heart in the process? He can’t let that happen. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this? What if she’s using you?” Harrison tried to ask nicely. 

“Who’s using him?” Tom asked, strolling in the room, hair still dripping wet. 

“Y/N,” Harrison answered, “they’re ‘dating’ now,” Harrison said, using air-quotes around the word dating. 

“She’s not like that you fucking arse,” Harry answered, starting to get mad, “I knew you guys would be like this and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you!” 

“How long?” Tom asked quickly.

“A few weeks,” Harry answered with a huff.

“Oh, so it’s still easy to get out,” Tom said casually with a shrug.

“I don’t wanna get out!” Harry yelled, “I really like her! She’s not what you guys think she is!”

“Mate, calm down,” Harrison tried.

“No! I tried to be calm and you had to go and be a dick!” 

“Hellooooo!” Tuwaine sang as he walked through the front door.

“Hey mate, Harry’s dating Y/N,” Tom answered him.

“What?” Tuwaine laughed.

“Harry’s dating Y/N,” he repeated.

“Yay, she’s cool!”

“What? You’re on his side?” Harrison questioned.

“Yeah, why not?” Tuwaine shrugged, “I just want everyone to be happy. If Harry trusts her, then so do I.” 

“Thank you,” Harry said, calming down a bit.

“But what if she’s using him?” Harrison reiterated, bringing up his first concern, “or what if she’s just using Harry to get to Tom and then use him? Or the same with me?” 

“Yeah, bro, I’m Spider-Man,” Tom added.

“Yeah, we all know that,” Harry answered, “you don’t have to remind us every second of every day.”

“But still, how do you know she’s not gonna split when she gets popular?” Tom asked.

“Because you guys didn’t take the time to actually get to know her,” Harry stressed, “she’s been hanging out with us for quite a while and she hasn’t posted a single picture of either of you, or me for that matter.” 

The boys fell silent, that was true and they couldn’t deny it. 

“And she’s always paid the most attention to me, so don’t you think if she really wanted to use you guys, she’d have ignored me?” 

“I guess that makes sense…” Tom mumbled.

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” Harry pleaded, “like Tuwaine said: I trust her, isn’t that enough?” 

“We just don’t wanna see you get hurt, mate. Honest, if you’re happy, we’re happy,” Harrison answered, “we just want you to be careful.” 

“Well I am being careful, so you don’t have to worry. She’s great, I’d love for you guys to give her a chance,” Harry soothed. 

“We will, just know that we’re watching her too. At least for a little while,” Tom said, raising his eyebrows at Harry. 

“That’s fine, I guess,” Harry said, “just don’t weird her out so she runs away, please.” 

“No promises,” Harrison piped up. 

“I’m just happy for everyone,” Tuwaine said with a big smile from the couch, making everyone laugh.

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” Harry said, fist-bumping Tuwaine.

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