#newtrabble

[adlamu]

it's her 40th, i will not hear any ills about her so hELP ME

[adlamu]

tagged by @cockychateau to show my lockscreen, homescreen, pinterest board and the last song i listened to :D don't have pintrest (never used it) so i put my downloaded albums on spotify instead ~

tagging: whoever wants to do the thing !!! do what you will !!!

tagged by @thelatenightvibes to show my lockscreen, homescreen, pinterest board and the last song i listened to, thank you <333

lockscreen and homescreen are both the same picture so there's just one of them

@ddeerr @whats-her-name-virginia-plain @no-surface-all-feeling @cockychateau @ducttapescarz

[adlamu]

GET TO KNOW ME MEME: THE RE-DO | 10 celebrity crushes squishes SQUISH NUMBER 1: ALAN WILDER (musician, producer, composer + arranger)

b. june 1st 1959 | star sign: gemini (air) | nationality: english | ambivert best known for: depeche mode + recoil | main skill: "musical magpie" reason(s) for squish: he's a good-lookin' dude; funny, quick-witted snark; chronic infodumper; multi-skilled, multi-talented virtuoso™; creative influence/inspiration; big gender envy; fashion influence (to an extent); feels like the kind of dude i could sit and chat bollocks about bollocks with. favourite quote(s): "i like all the music... if it's done well."; "and i blew it up in the process!"; "and that record is not helping."; "people talk about machines having emotions. no machine has an emotion."

[adlamu]

a christmas present to myself :3c

[adlamu]

as it's officially november 4th (uk time), i am now officially 10 years clean and 6 years sober, let's fucking goooooooooo !!!

[adlamu]

i made my side-blog public (after some extensive editing) and i'll try (emphasis on try) to post all my oc stuff there instead of on here or i'll go bananas trying to tag everything properly 😬

go follow it if you're interested (i'll be adding more once i've finished some other stuff at some point, whenever that is) !

LIQUID HOURS | an oc-related blog run + created by adlamu | NOT AN RP BLOG !

interaction rules • general disclaimer • face claim disclaimer characters • about • askbox • tags list

[adlamu]

aromantic flag colour picked from unsound methods by recoil (redo because i lost the original one i made + actual aro flag for general ref)

[adlamu]

happy 2nd birthday to the best 2023 album about death

[adlamu]

birfday pals: 2 !!

[adlamu]

tagged by @cockychateau

last song: blasphemous rumours by depeche mode - it is my beloved.

currently watching: puppet history, red dwarf (rewatch), the simpsons (rewatch), doctor who (always a rewatch), the sooty show (for when i'm sad), the gallows pole, waiting for wwdits in the uk & good omens is s00n

current obsessions: depeche mode, recoil, good omens, puppet history, foxes, red dwarf, a book called Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?, silicon teens (music-wise), and uhhh 1980s photographs of life for the working class in the uk - it's inspiring me to rewatch this is england (the series) + giving me the correct vibes for oc stuff ngl.

tagging: anyone who wants to do the thing !

tysm for the tag @loveforharrison :)))

Last song: The Blackest Day by Lana Del Rey, I'm listening to it rn. Recently I've been listening to different albums when I go on my walks, yesterday it was Honeymoon and rn I feel like listening to the songs more.

Currently Watching: Nothing really, I don't watch much TV. I just kinda watch South Park when it's on and sometimes pirate movies which is why my other laptop has a ton of malware but wtv

Currently Reading: Daisy Jones & The Six and Chronicles

Current Obsession: Walking! I've been walking around my neighborhood- which is big- like in Florida we have these communities with like a million streets, and theres a bridge and a park- it's really cool. I've been listening to different albums while I walk to like discover new music. I've also been doing algebra 2 practice lately so I can be prepared for school. and randomly telling my family that im insanely miserable cuz idk how else to tell them

i always feel bad tagging ppl so literally anyone who follows me can say that i tagged u!

[adlamu]

explaining shit (cut cuz it's very fucking long).

Right, so, erm... Like I said on my OC-Blog, the long and short of is that I finally got out of a 7ish year-long abusive friendship two weeks ago, and while I'm feeling loads better now, things are still a bit iffy because I'm still getting used to being out of said abusive friendship.

Basically: this person would tend to use me as a kind of punching bag a lot of the time or, like, an outlet for everything and anything that could have and had gone wrong for them. They'd also do a lot of things to hurt me (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not intentionally) and then, instead of taking any modicum of accountability for their actions, they'd blame everything on their BPD/mental health in general + basically gaslight me into believing that's exactly what it was and that I was always (and I mean, pretty much always) in the wrong for setting them off because of how I'd said something or tried to understand what they'd been saying to me. While I obviously had my moments of being snippy/a dick/etc because of my own mental health/other shit going on, I wasn't always the reason for their loud, violent outbursts, and I wasn't always aware of where they were at so I'd always be on eggshells with them (+ basically everyone because of them).

It got to the point where I'd started neglecting my own health and insulating myself from others (including my other friends a little bit, to be perfectly honest) because I was absolutely fucking terrified of opening an app I was messaging this person on in case they noticed I was online and demanded my attention, or demanded that I tell them I needed space from them for a specific amount of time - if I didn't, that would set them off; I called them out about that several times and they did effectively gaslight me and say 'but I do respect your boundaries' (or some similar kind of thing)... But then repeat the cycle after a couple of weeks' worth of actually respecting my boundaries + taking my comments/suggestions/etc on board. A lot of their gripes w/ me was a lot of concern trolling-type stuff (ie: getting at me about my sleep schedule, eating habits, etc. while knowing about but without really considering that a) something might be going on w me, b) my bipolar disorder having an affect on all of those things, or c) that my life did not, and should not have been, revolving around them, their schedule, and essentially being their therapist + parent all in one), or that I wasn't listening to them and that what I was advising wasn't going to help (but the exact same advice from others, notably, would help). They had violent tendencies, screaming and shouting at me through voice notes because I "wasn't listening". They'd threaten their own life, threaten to hurt themselves, threaten to hurt others if I didn't agree to sit and listen to them or do something to distract them.

They'd been pulling away a bit from me eventually because of them getting into a relationship (fine by me, go for it; I was very much supportive of it). We had been in a relationship together (a QPR of sorts because I'm aro and they're not) for the first few years of knowing each other - and I should have cut them off after I broke up with them when they violently spun out on me when I said that I was uncomfortable with marriage of any kind because I'm aromantic, let alone the idea of them trying to force me into a "green card marriage" so that they could come live in the UK, and their reaction was to yell at me and be repeatedly arophobic to me... But, you know, I was an idiot and after a few weeks of a break from one another, I agreed to be friends with them, leading to the rest of our time being the way it was - a toxic cycle that I was frightened of getting off of in case they did something to themselves/others. Then the last big blow up argument we had involved me being a bit snippy because I'd just woken up and them spam messaging me (again), telling me they were going to hospital because they were coughing up blood (they weren't, and my mood dipped to mild annoyance when I figured out what was actually wrong). I apologised for being snippy, explained why I was snippy, explained that I'd woken up from a PTSD dream which probably did not help the snippiness, and they blew up spectacularly, calling me all sorts of things - the way they'd usually do - but what had me actually cut them off completely was when they sent me voice notes wherein they screamed at me Repeatedly and told me to end my life Repeatedly because I'd frustrated them + essentially outright said that my problem wasn't anywhere near as pressing as theirs was and that I had to put my stuff aside to devote my time to them and their feelings... Then repeatedly told me to end myself again, so I told them that I hoped they got better and that they find happiness, told them to not contact me anymore, then blocked them on everything.

It's been just over two weeks since that and I'm feeling a lot better now that they're completely out of my life for good. That said, I'm still getting used to that and navigating shit in my own head because of what that friendship did to it; I'm still struggling a bit, but I'm feeling better - more positive, and like I can actually get my shit together properly. I'm optimistic; I'm finding myself talking to my (real) friends more, I'm finding myself being far less insular/frightened of opening messages, and I'm able to put my thoughts in better order.

Sorry it's a long, rambley read, and sorry it's so heavy - I'm not often heavy but I needed to get this out of my head 100% for good so I could properly move on. Big, fuck off sorry to my mates who've been there and not really known the full extent of shit; sorry I've been kind of an insular dickhead, and I'm sorry I didn't actually reach out to anyone and talk about what was going on properly. Things are gonna get better, even if I have to fight God to do it.

Have an Alan x Puppet History meme for funnies/pickmeup:

[adlamu]

RHEDEG YMLAEN, BRAIDD • a welsh language playlist

This is a mixed (Spotify) playlist I made of Welsh language songs by a variety of Welsh bands (some of whom considered iconic in the Welsh music scene and/or because of the Cŵl Cymru era). I plonked stuff from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s together but didn't really put them in any particular order, so you'd be fine just shuffling them tbh. There's a relatively good mix of genres in there, mostly under the big umbrella of "alt" (so: punk, post-punk, new wave, indie, etc.). The title roughly translates to: "Running On A Bit, Really" - link is the title in capital letters in this caption. Joiwch! Enjoy!

[adlamu]

fletch being depechay mode's number one fan, as often as it's stated, is not respected anywhere near enough imo. like, he wasn't just 'happy to be a member of the band'... he actually liked the music, he knew every lyric, he had favourite songs on each album, and he enjoyed being part of every little insignificant process that related to and represented dm. my mans would have had (very loud + proud) opinions on memento mori, he would have loved the response to it (+ the tour), he would have relished, basked, even, in the glory of NLMDA becoming a popular song online for that short period of time, and would've absolutely laughed his arse off at the use of jcge in cocaine bear. that man is, was, and always will be dm's number one fan and no one can ever take that title from him.

[adlamu]

thanks for the tag @cockychateau uwu

Last song you listened to: more than a party by depeche mode

Last movie you watched: 101 (for the third time)

Currently watching: red dwarf (literally), doctor who (again), ghost files, mystery files, puppet history, and a bunch of depeche mode/recoil-related videos

Currently craving: mcdonald's strawberry milkshake and a bowl of pink blancmange (dunno why, i haven't had blancmange in literal years)

Last thing you searched: alan wilder 1993

tagging: whoever wants to that hasn't been tagged cuz i don't know very many people lmao help

Was tagged by the tumblr bestie @duran-duran-daily to answer these so here we go!

Last song you listened to: Anniversary by you know who.

Last movie you watched: Karate Kid (or Sing Blue Silver if you count it as a movie)

Currently watching: Alf, Starsky&Hutch and many 70s/80s shows.

Currently craving: another dd concert + meeting my twin brother Roger.

Last thing you searched: Second-hand drum kits + bad fashion pictures to share with @duran-duran-daily 💛

Tagging: @mythical-symbolism-13 @theshoutpolicyoftruth @matrixgremlin @starrybluez @lovevoodoo and anyone else who wants to do this

[adlamu]

okay so: i'm not gonna answer any ask i get unless it's from a mutual from now on. i'm sorry but i cannot be sure if anything else is real/a scam and someone Has managed to trick me before and was a scam (even if i didn't donate to that one, thankfully).

i don't need to be pestered into helping/donating, either, i'm sorry that you feel the need to do that but i can't afford to send £10 here and £10 there through links i don't Entirely trust anymore and can't check because i've no idea where to start in doing that - and if i don't trust the link i shan't be sharing it.

it's not an invitation to follow me either to try and Make me to do it, either - nor an invitation to try and guilt me (like i said someone Did try to scam me using these asks so i don't trust Any of them anymore and i don't Have a lot of disposable income, i have Barely any of that, so i really can't donate anything), because it won't work.

i am not evil because i couldn't give someone else money. i still support the cause even Without having money to donate. i will not be made to feel bad for not sharing/donating to untrustworthy links on tumblr.com.

sorry.

[adlamu]

more depeche-related shitposting but make it puppet history