#it could have been everything šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ Tumblr posts
the-witch-of-woods-beyond Ā· 3 months ago
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ā€œif you go, iā€™ll stay, you come back, iā€™ll be right hereā€ but itā€™s clarke griffin giving her life so that bellamy blake and all her friends could make it to space, surviving through sheer will, and calling him on a radio every single day for six years until he could return to her and the home she built for them all.
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cordiallyfuturedwight Ā· 1 year ago
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i really wanna, wanna, wanna just dance ā™”
for @senor-hoberto šŸŒ·| cr. 0613data
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chirpsythismorning Ā· 3 days ago
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Yeah a teaser dropping on ST day would be cool. But can we agree that a DNA board reveal would be infinitely better?
#byler#stranger things#st5 predictions#st5 dna board#yes I know a dna board reveal doesnā€™t qualify as like major promo since most fans want something visual and real#and so itā€™s likely weā€™ll get a teaser regardless#which is great#but Iā€™m just imagining the rest of the day being subpar in terms of stuff for us to actually analyze outside of the teaser#they released the s4 dna board during lockdown and a couple months before they even finished writing it#so s5ā€™s board is definitely finalized by now#and it would cost them nothingā€¦#well i mean technically it could cost them everything šŸ˜­#itā€™s just a matter of how on the nose they were about some of the titles it features#and if theyā€™re willing to risk sharing that at this time when thereā€™s still a year until release#i could see a decent amount of films on it being incriminating on so many different fronts#but I could also see some super random stuff in the mix that would distract people from reading into the incriminating stuff#itā€™s just something that could actually keep us busy analyzing for a while#a teaser would be everything we need rn#but the dna list is what I actually want šŸ˜­#iā€™ve been working on my own st5 dna board wishlist bc Iā€™m so impatient for this#iā€™m gonna post it tomorrow#itā€™s time#and in the case they do reveal the dna board next week I want to have mine ready to see if there are any matches#iā€™ve also been working on my st5vision playlist for nearly 2 years now (jesus) and itā€™s time to share that too#soon!!
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risingsunresistance Ā· 22 days ago
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rotund creature
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sunsetsandsunshine Ā· 3 months ago
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If I may request a Rise fic!! Iā€™m a huge sucker for comfort/cheer up tickles, so could you possibly write a disaster twins fic with Lee Leo and Ler Donnie where Leoā€™s been having a pretty bad day (because of what is your choice!) and ends up feeling self conscious about himself and stuff, so Donnie decides to cheer up his twin!! Please donā€™t feel rushed and make sure youā€™re taking care of yourself ^_^
~Ā šš‚šššš˜šš™ šš‹ššŽšš’šš—šš ššœšš˜ šš›ššŽššŒšš”šš•ššŽššœššœ!!! ~
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šŸ’œšŸ’™ š™µšš’ššŒ šš›ššŽšššššžššŽššœššššŽšš šš‹šš¢: š™°šš—šš˜šš— š™½šš˜šš—šš—šš’ššŽ šŸ’œšŸ’™
Ā·Ģ©Ģ©Ģ„Ķ™ļ¼Š*ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™ļæ½ļæ½ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*Ėšš™¼šš‚š™ŗš™½šš‚š™½ļæ½ļæ½ļ潚™¼š™³š™½šš‚š™¹ š™½š™¾š™½š™½š™øš™“ š™¾š™· š™¼ššˆ š™¶š™¾šš‚š™· ššˆš™¾šš„. š™¶š™“ššƒ. š™¼š™“!!! š™¶šš›ššŽššŠšš šš–šš’šš—ššššœ šššš‘šš’šš—šš” ššŠšš•šš’šš”ššŽ šš‹ššŽššŒššŠššžššœššŽ šš˜šš‘šš‘šš‘šš‘šš‘ šš–šš¢ š™»š™¾ššš™³ ššŒšš˜šš–šššš˜šš›šš šššš’ššŒšš”šš•ššŽššœ ššŠšš›ššŽ šš–šš¢ š™¹š™°š™¼!!! š™“ššœšš™ššŽššŒšš’ššŠšš•šš•šš¢ šš šš‘ššŽšš— šš’šš ššŒšš˜šš–ššŽššœ šššš˜ šššš‘ššŽ š™³šš’ššœššŠššœššššŽšš› ššƒšš šš’šš—ššœā€¦š™¶šš˜šš, š™ø šš•šš˜ššŸššŽ šššš‘ššŽššœššŽ šššš šš˜ šššš˜ ššššŽššŠšššš‘. š™»šš’šš”ššŽ ššœššŽšš›šš’šš˜ššžššœšš•šš¢..šš‘ššžšš›šš/ššŒšš˜šš–šššš˜šš›šš šš šš’šššš‘ šššš‘ššŽššœššŽ šššš šš˜ šš“ššžššœšš šššš’ššŒšš”šš•ššŽ šš–šš¢ šš™šš’ššŒšš”šš•ššŽā€¦ššŠšš—šš šš’šš šššš‘ššŽšš›ššŽā€™ššœ šš˜šš•ššššŽšš› šššš šš’šš— š™³šš˜šš—šš—šš’ššŽ??? š™»ššŽšššš’šš šš–šš¢ šššš›ššŽššŠšš– ššššŠšš—šššš’ššŒ šš›šš’šššš‘šš šššš‘ššŽšš›ššŽ!!!Ėš*ā€¢ Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™āœ©ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*ļ¼ŠĀ·Ģ©Ģ©Ģ„Ķ™
š™¶ššŽšš—šš›ššŽ: š™·ššžšš›šš/š™²šš˜šš–šššš˜šš›šš
šš†šš˜šš›ššššœ:Ā šŸŗ,šŸ¹šŸæšŸŗ
š™»ššŽššŽ: š™»ššŽšš˜ šŸ¢šŸ’™
š™»ššŽšš›: š™³šš˜šš—šš—šš’ššŽ šŸ¢šŸ’œ
šš‚ššžšš–šš–ššŠšš›šš¢: š™³ššžšš›šš’šš—šš ššŠ šš–šš’ššœššœšš’šš˜šš—, š™»ššŽšš˜ šššš˜ššŽššœ ššœšš˜šš–ššŽšššš‘šš’šš—šš ššœššššžšš™šš’ššā€¦šš‹ššžšš šš šš‘ššŠšš ššŽšš•ššœššŽ šš’ššœ šš—ššŽšš , šš›šš’šššš‘šš?
(š™°/š™½: šš‚šš šš’šš–ššœ šš’šš— šš–šš¢ ššœššŽšš—ššœššŠšššš’šš˜šš—ššŠšš• ššœššŽššŠ šš˜šš ššŠšš—ššššœššā€¦š™±ššžšš *š™°š™·š™“š™¼* šš–šš˜ššœšš šš’šš–šš™šš˜šš›ššššŠšš—šššš•šš¢: š™³šš˜šš—ā€™šš šš‹ššŽ šššš‘ššŠšš ššššžšš¢! ššƒ*ššŒššŽššœšš ššŠšš—šš š™ŗšš’šš—šš”/š™½šš‚š™µšš† šš‹šš•šš˜ššššœ š™³š™½š™ø!!!)
ššƒššŠšššššš’ššŽ ššššŠššššœ:Ā  @shut-up-jo @itzsana-kiddingmenow @aceofspades-doodles @ziipzeepzop-eez
@tmntheadforever123 @rice-cake-teen10 @aninabanina6969
@savemeafruitjuice @cedarrthefluffylee @saturnzskyzz @titters-and-tingles
@someone1348 @my-l0v3r-v3rse @snipersiniora @mistyandsnow
šš†ššŠšš›šš—šš’šš—ššššœ: š™°šš›ššššžšš’šš—šš, ššŠššŒššŒšš’ššššŽšš—ššššŠšš• ššœššŽšš•šš-šš‘ššŠšš›šš– ššœšššš’šš–šš–šš’šš—šš, šš¢ššŽšš•šš•šš’šš—šš, ššŠ šš–šš’šš—šš˜šš› ššŠššžšššš’ššœšššš’ššŒ ššœšš‘ššžšššššš˜šš šš—, ššŠšš—ššššœšš ššŠšš—šš šššš’ššŒšš”šš•šš’šš—šš. š™æšš•ššŽššŠššœššŽ š™æšš•ššŽššŠššœššŽ š™æš™»š™“š™°šš‚š™“ šš›ššŽššŠšš ššŠšš šš¢šš˜ššžšš› šš˜šš šš— šš›šš’ššœšš”!!! ššƒšš‘šš’ššœ šš˜šš—ššŽ šš’ššœ ššŠ šššš˜šš˜šš£šš¢ā€¦
ļ¼Š*ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™āœ©ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*Ėšššƒš™“š™“š™·š™“š™“ ššŠšš—ššššœšš šš–šš¢ šš‹ššŽšš•šš˜ššŸššŽšš šŸ•ŗšŸ¾āœØšŸ’žšŸŽ¶Ėš*ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™āœ©ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*Ėšļ¼ŠĀ·Ģ©Ģ©Ģ„Ķ™
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ā€œI canā€™tĀ believeĀ youā€™reĀ doingĀ this to me again.ā€ Leo grumbled under his breath as he rested his mouth on his palm, glancing away from his brother as he sighed loudly.Ā 
ā€œWellĀ maybeĀ if you werenā€™t soĀ fuckingĀ recklessĀ I wouldnā€™t need to.ā€ Donnie growled lowly, glaring down at his twin.
ā€œIā€™m not aĀ baby,Ā Don. I donā€™t need to be supervised like Iā€™m some bombĀ triggered toĀ explode.ā€ The younger said in exasperation, lying down on his bed whilst grabbing a comic book to read off of his desk.
If Leo was going to be told off and scolded by his dear beloved brow-loving brother, he should atĀ least have something to occupy himself with in the meanwhile.Ā 
The softshell groaned eternally at his little brotherā€™s action, quickly snatching the piece of literature out of the otherā€™s hands and throwing it effortlessly to the ground.Ā 
Uninterested lime green eyes locked with a determined yet fierce light golden, both of them refusing to look away or blink to show their dominance.
But after a while, the red eared slider grew more impatient, looking away again as he picked a hangnail on his thumb, ā€œIf youā€™re going to yell at me,Ā can you just get it over with?Ā I saw a reddit post predicting whatā€™s going to happen in The Umbrella Academy season four and IĀ needĀ to read it.ā€Ā 
ā€œYou can read thatĀ later,Ā Nardo. I promise you, that reddit post isnā€™t going toĀ fly away.ā€ The elder said as he pinched the bridge of his snout, ā€œWhat IĀ needĀ you to do right now is acknowledge what you did today wasĀ stupid,Ā alright?ā€Ā 
Leo looked away from his older brother, scoffing lightly, ā€œI do stupid things all the time.Ā What stupid action of mine are you wanting to scream at me forĀ thisĀ time?ā€Ā 
The softshell turtle took a couple deep breaths at that comment, drumming his fingers on his left arm in a soothing motion because he wasĀ NOTĀ going to give into the urge of strangling his twin brotherā€¦
ā€¦No matter how much he deserved it.
ā€œIā€™m not planning on screaming at youā€” that wonā€™t helpĀ anyoneĀ orĀ anything.ā€ The purple banded turtle explained calmlyā€¦but you could see andĀ tellĀ he was starting to lose his paitence.Ā 
ā€œBut you want to.ā€ The red eared slider pressed on.Ā 
ā€œLeoā€¦please.Ā IĀ donā€™tĀ want to argue right now.ā€Ā 
ā€œWeā€™re not arguing.Ā Weā€™re justĀ kindlyĀ discussing myĀ oh-soĀ stupidĀ descisionĀ that unfolded earlier today, right?ā€ The younger twin smirked smugly, his eyes locking once again with his brother.Ā 
When it came to arguments, the leader in blueĀ alwaysĀ had thisĀ wonderfulĀ tactic to avoiding things:Ā attempting to annoy the other personĀ so muchĀ that they drop the subject they wanted to discuss with himĀ completely.
It always worked withĀ Raphā€¦which the red eared slider didnā€™t know whether that was aĀ goodĀ thingĀ or aĀ badĀ thing.
But the only downside ofĀ doingĀ this tactic was his dumb twin sawĀ rightĀ through itā€¦
ā€¦And LeonardoĀ despisedĀ it.Ā 
ā€œNardoā€¦youĀ knowĀ what Iā€™m referring to.Ā And stop picking,Ā please.Ā Your going to hurt yourself.ā€ The older attempted to say in a tranquil voice, but it personally just sounded like he wasĀ one secondĀ away fromĀ losing. his.ļæ½ļæ½shell.
ā€œI sadlyĀ do not knowĀ what your referring to.ā€ The blue cladded teen said coyly, picking on his hangnail more desperately now, ā€œCare to enlighten me, Tello?ā€Ā 
Donnieā€™s expression hardened ever so slightly at his younger brotherā€™s absoluteĀ persistenceĀ on annoying him out of hisĀ right mindĀ so he could eventually drop the subjectā€¦but the softshell turtle wasĀ notĀ budging.
His twin would have to tryĀ way harderĀ thanĀ that.
ā€œIā€™dĀ loveĀ to.ā€ The light golden eyed mutant said in a fake sweet tone as he walked over to lean his shell on Leoā€™s closed door, crossing his arms in disaproval. The elder grabbed his brotherā€™s sword, planting it right next to his foot so the blue banded turtle couldnā€™t reach for it.Ā 
The red eared sliderā€™s cocky grin turned to a small grimaceĀ (shake)Ā as he soon came to terms with what his older brother was doingā€¦
ā€¦He physically could not leave from this conversationā€¦literally.
Leonardo crossed his arms, trying to mimick the otherā€™s serious demeanor but was only met with an icy glare in return.Ā 
ā€œWhat you did during todayā€™s mission was completleyĀ recklessĀ andĀ idiotic,Ā Leonardoā€¦and you know it.ā€ The second oldest said, ā€œI had that thugĀ exactlyĀ where I wanted him butĀ noooooo.Ā Because you saw meĀ tripĀ you thought it would be aĀ spectacularĀ ideaĀ to throw yourselfĀ on topĀ of me as that hooligan tried to hit me with hisĀ bat!!ā€ Donatello seethed.Ā 
ā€œWeā€™ve been over thisĀ multipleĀ times,Ā Leo! There wasĀ noĀ reasonĀ for you to do that!ā€ The light golden eyed teen yelled, his glare only hardening more as he saw the younger stuttering over his words to try to defend himself.
ā€œIā€™m not done.ā€ The taller teen growled, all of his calmness and collectiveness thrown completley out of the window.
The slider slightly flinched (which went un-noticed by the other) at his brotherā€™s genuine angry tone, his left leg fidgeting and bouncing up and down like crazy.Ā 
His tactic wasĀ reallyĀ starting to not work in his favour at allā€¦
ā€œJustā€¦stop putting yourself in the middle of danger like youā€™re just expecting the rest of us to justĀ watch.Ā Weā€™re your familyā€¦and mostĀ importantly,Ā we can defend ourselves justĀ fine.ā€Ā 
ā€œWell ihisnā€™tĀ thatĀ hypocritic!ā€ Leonardo scoffed before creasing his eye ridges together in genuine confusion, mumbling to himself, ā€œHypā€¦uhā€¦hypocrotic?Ā Hypā€¦Hypocraticā€¦?ā€Ā 
ā€œHypocritical?ā€ The older deadpanned.
ā€œYES!Ā THATĀ WORD!ā€ Leo said, ā€œWhen we were fighting Kraang Prime on the ship and he went to take a blow at Mikeyā€¦what did you do?ā€
Donatello scowled, his eyes not leaving his twin, ā€œā€¦I went in front of him and shielded him with my mystic tech.ā€
ā€œExactly.ā€ The lime green eyed mutant scoffed, ā€œAnd how is that any different from whatĀ IĀ did, hm?ā€
ā€œBECAUSEĀ IĀ HAD A PLAN!!!ā€ Donatello shouted, ā€œIĀ plannedĀ to accordingly go in front of Mikey so my sheild could protect bothĀ him andĀ me.Ā Did it end up turning out perfect?Ā Fuck no.Ā Kraang Prime slashedĀ right through itĀ and me and Mikey wentĀ tumblingĀ towards the groundā€¦ā€ The glasses wielding teen said through clenched teeth.Ā 
The light golden eyed teen rubbed his face tiredly, his hands clenching and unclenching in frustration, ā€œBut I had aĀ plan.Ā YouĀ on the other hand, just zoomedĀ recklesslyĀ on top of me and hoped for the best.ā€
ā€œā€¦IĀ saved you,Ā didnā€™t Iā€¦?ā€ The younger twin mumbled out meekly, causing Donatelloā€™s blood to absolutleyĀ boil.Ā 
ā€œThatā€™sĀ notĀ theĀ point!!!ā€ The elder said as he clenched his hands at his sides again.
ā€œThen whatĀ is?!ā€ Leo said desperately, ā€œBecause from the looks of it, it just seems like you want toĀ yell at meĀ for just doing myĀ job.ā€Ā 
Leonardo pulled on his mask tails anxiously, trying to calm himself down but ultimately just making himself feel worse by doing the action, ā€œIā€™ve beenĀ tryingĀ to be a better leaderā€”ā€œ
ā€œLeoā€”ā€œ
ā€œā€”ForĀ youĀ andĀ MikeyĀ andĀ AprilĀ andĀ RaphĀ andĀ CaseyĀ andĀ C.J.Ā a-andĀ Dad!Ā But it seems like no matterĀ what the hell IĀ doĀ thereā€™s alwaysĀ somethingĀ Iā€™m doingĀ WRONG!!!ā€ The younger twin shouted, blinking back tears as he glared at the ground as if it took his Jupiter Jim comic.
Whichā€¦itĀ did.Ā The blue banded mutant wanted it back now, actuallyā€¦
ā€œI saved you! I-I didnā€™t even getĀ hurtĀ by doing it butĀ somehowĀ thereā€™s an issueā€¦ā€ The lime green eyed teen murmured, both of his legs bouncing up and down as he tugged on his mask tails harder, ā€œThere alwaysĀ isā€¦ā€
ā€œLeonardo can youĀ pleaseĀ justĀ listenĀ to me?ā€ The older twin said in irritation.Ā 
ā€œBut Don Iā€™mā€”ā€œ
ā€œNo, Leo!Ā JustĀ listen!Ā Thatā€™sĀ allĀ you need to do!ā€ Donnie snapped as he cut his brother off, ā€œI donā€™t want you leapingĀ head firstĀ into harms way!Ā At all!Ā EspeciallyĀ if you donā€™t have a plan!ā€ The softshell turtle exclaimed as he flapped his hands against the side of his thighs, but his eye contanct remaining on his little brother.
ā€œOho soĀ nowĀ you donā€™t trust me well enough to know that I can handle myself in combat?ā€ Leo said in a last desperate attempt to make his brother drop the conversation.
ā€œIā€¦ā€ The young scientistā€™s eye twitched, his eyebrows creasing together as he had to physically restrain himself to not beat the ever livingĀ crapĀ out of the other teen, ā€œTHIS ISĀ NOTĀ ABOUTĀ TRUST, NARDO!ā€ The light golden eyed mutant screamed desperately, his hands flapping faster as the red eared slider shrunk at his usage of tone, ā€œThis is aboutĀ youĀ not evenĀ thinkingĀ about what would happen to yourself when you doĀ reckless nonsenseĀ like this.ā€
Leo glanced to the side, his eyes watering as he bit the inside of his cheek.
He just wanted toĀ helpĀ and be the leader his brotherā€™sĀ deservedā€¦
But he always found a way toĀ fuck it upĀ without even noticing, huh?
"You don'tĀ thinkĀ about what could happen to you andĀ IĀ hateĀ it!ā€ The elder cried, ā€œWhat wouldā€™ve happened if Raph didnā€™t come behind the guy and knocked him out cold at the last second, huh?! Would you have just stayed right on me as he continued to beat you with his bat?!ā€
Leonardo bit the inside of his cheek harder, his legs bouncing up and down more as his fingernails dug unforgivingly into his arms, ā€œI-Iā€™m sorry, Donnieā€”ā€
ā€œOr would you have tried toĀ fight himĀ instead?! Mind you, you dropped your sword before coming to me so youā€™d haveĀ no weaponĀ to defend yourself.ā€Ā 
ā€œYou don't thinkĀ about how much itĀ scaresĀ me when you do dumb shit like that! IĀ hateĀ seeing you get hurtā€¦I freakingĀ loatheĀ it.ā€ Donnie rested the back of his head on Leoā€™s door, taking a couple deep breaths and hugging himself in an attempt to calm himself down.
Jeezā€¦when the hell had he startedĀ yelling?Ā His throat stung like aĀ bitchĀ nowā€¦
AndĀ whenĀ had he started shaking like a bobby head?!
The older twinā€™s expression softened, pinching the bridge of his snout once more, ā€œI care about youā€¦soĀ fuckingĀ much,Ā okayā€¦?ā€ The purple banded turtle said gently as he gradually started to simmer down and become more calm, ā€œYour myĀ twinā€¦myĀ little brother.Ā And IĀ hateĀ to be repetitive but I-I justĀ despiseĀ seeing you hurtā€¦physically or emotionallyā€¦soĀ pleaseĀ justā€¦ā€
The young scientistā€™s eyes widened, peering down at his brother who did not seem to be followingā€¦at all.Ā 
Leoā€™s eyes were wide as saucers as he hit his arm with his fist repeatedly whilst obviously trying to suck in whatever tearsĀ daredĀ to try and escape.Ā 
The taller turtle basically ran to his distressed twin, trying to stop him from harming himself any further but was only met with a low grunt.
Shit.
Shit. Shit.Ā Fucking shit.Ā 
Wonderful job, Donatello! You yelled at your brother so much he shut down!
Even though you knew he canā€™tĀ fucking standĀ being yelled at and theĀ whole pointĀ of you evenĀ being hereĀ was to explain what he did wrongĀ collectively and calmlyĀ because that was the exactĀ oppositeof what Raph does when heā€™s worriedā€¦
But no!Ā You yelled at him anyway.
Wonderful job, Donatelloā€¦wonderful. job.Ā 
The older twin sighed sadly, gently grabbing his brotherā€™s wrists so he would stop hitting himself. The two brotherā€™s shared eye contact once again, an unsure lime green meeting an understanding yet uncertain light golden.
ā€œNardoā€¦ā€ The softshell started, squeezing the otherā€™s hands gently, ā€œā€¦Are you with me, budā€¦?ā€
Leo just nodded quietly, squeezing back.Ā 
ā€œGodā€¦Nardo Iā€™mĀ soĀ sorryā€¦ā€ The older muttered, ā€œI donā€™tā€¦I donā€™t knowĀ why theĀ hellĀ I lost my cool like that. I-Iā€™m sorry I yelled. IĀ shouldnā€™tĀ of yelledā€¦I-I justā€¦ā€ Donatello sighed, squeezing his brotherā€™s hands once again. ā€œIā€™m not angry with you. Iā€¦I was just frustrated.ā€
ā€œWell, noā€¦let me rephrase:Ā I amĀ angry with youā€”Ā livid even.Ā You know damn well enough that when you do those kinds of things my heart literallyĀ jumpsĀ out of my shell. I need you to put into consideration that I would like to live to atĀ leastĀ seventy-sevenā€¦ā€
The younger twin giggled wetly, fidgeting with his brotherā€™s fingers as he spoke, ā€œā€¦Why seventy-seven?ā€
ā€œAlbert Einstein died when he was seventy-sixā€¦I can andĀ willĀ outlive him.ā€ The light golden eyed teen said matter-of-factly, ā€œBut back to what I was initially sayingā€¦I know you meant well.Ā You saw that I was in troubleā€¦and you dropped literallyĀ everythingĀ in order to help me get out of said trouble. You donā€™t think of what happens to youā€¦you just do it because youā€™ll know if you do weā€™ll be alrightā€¦ā€
ā€œI-I justā€¦I just wanted to protect youā€¦I-I just wanted to helpā€¦ā€ Leo tried to explain.
ā€œI know. I know, Leeā€¦ā€ Donatello sighed, rubbing the sliderā€™s knuckles gently with his thumb, ā€œBut you need to understand that with you trying to protect us that way, your putting us in the same situation your trying to keep usĀ awayĀ from.ā€ The elder explained lightly, smiling softly as him and his twinā€™s foreheadā€™s touched.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re getting hurtā€” or at the very leastĀ almostĀ getting hurt. Weā€™re feeling the same anguish and guilt you would feel if any of us did that. I get that you want to be a good leader and shitā€¦but you can lead wellĀ withoutĀ doing thatā€¦okay?ā€Ā 
Leo fiddled with the otherā€™s fingers a bit more, his bouncing leg starting to calm a bit, ā€œIā€™llā€¦try to be more careful when it comes to me protecting you guys like that. When I see you all in troubleā€¦I justā€¦react.Ā I donā€™t really care about what happens to me as long as you guys end up okay. Butā€¦Iā€™ll try to be more careful. And if I ever end up, like, being a bitĀ tooĀ recklessā€¦you can just tell meā€¦deal?ā€
ā€œDeal.ā€ Donnie nodded, squeezing Leoā€™s hands one last time before letting go, wiping his twinā€™s eyes with his hoodie sleeve, ā€œNowĀ pleaseĀ stop crying or youā€™re going to makeĀ meĀ start crying.ā€Ā 
Leo snorted, examining the otherā€™s now tearing up expression, ā€œI think itā€™s a bit too late for thatā€¦ā€Ā 
ā€œGAH!Ā FUHUCK!ā€ Donnie cursed, wiping his own eyes as the slider laughed loudly at his exclamation.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ā€œLeoā€¦donā€™t you think youā€™re getting a bit tooĀ bigĀ for thisā€¦?ā€ Donatello grumbled as Leonardo was on his lap, getting all nice and comfy as he rested his chin on the olderā€™s shoulder. ā€œNoooope.ā€ Leo drawed out, making a dramatic popping noise at the end of the 'p', ā€œ'Sides, this is what you get for making me emo earlier.ā€
ā€œā€¦IĀ saidĀ I wasĀ sorryā€¦I didnā€™t mean to shout at you like that. I was just concernedā€¦ā€Ā 
ā€œIĀ knowĀ that, you worrywart. I was just kidding.ā€ The lime green eyed teen said lovingly, squishing his brother into a tighter embrace. The older let out a short shriek at the hug but of course didnā€™t mind the other being so clingy.Ā 
If the young scientist really and trulyĀ didĀ mind? Leo wouldā€™ve been pushed to the floor by now.Ā 
The two twins shared a comfortable silenceā€¦wellā€¦aĀ semi-comfortableĀ silence.
The purple banded teen feltā€¦off.Ā His younger brother had thisā€¦lookĀ in his eyes; like he wanted to say something but was afraid of what Donnie would say or how Donnie would react.
Which was so damn dumb Donatello didnā€™t even know how to explain it.
ā€œā€¦Thereā€™s something else on your mind.ā€ The taller turtle hummed, his suspicions only rising as the other glanced to the side. ā€œUhmā€¦no there isnā€™t.Ā See?Ā This isĀ whyĀ I call you a worrywart.ā€ Leonardo said, tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously.Ā 
Very convincing Leoā€¦veryĀ convincing.
ā€œDonā€™t evenĀ tryĀ lying to me, Leon. My older brotherĀ andĀ twin senses are tingling. You canā€™t argue against that kind of logic.ā€ The scientist said matter-of-factly.Ā 
ā€œWhat are you,Ā Spiderman?ā€ The younger snorted.Ā 
ā€œWe shall never know.ā€ The older shrugged, a small smile spreading to his face as he saw the other snort softly at his statement, ā€œNow stop deflecting.Ā Spill.ā€Ā 
ā€œā€¦Can youā€¦adjust my elbow bracesā€¦?ā€ The red eared slider muttered.
ā€œā€¦Why canā€™tĀ youĀ do it?ā€ The other questioned. Not in a malicious way; he was just genuinely curious.Ā 
ā€œI like it when you do it. You make it more firm, y'know?ā€ The blue banded turtle whined dramatically, ā€œPleeeeeease?ā€
ā€œUgh, Jesusā€”Ā fine.Ā But drop the poutā€¦you look ridiculous.ā€ The taller mutant sighed, lightly grabbing his brotherā€™s arm as he readjusted the braces.Ā 
The purple banded turtle meticulously took off the otherā€™s left arm brace, tracing his twinā€™s elbow to make sure it was healing correctlyā€” which the slider couldnā€™t help but wriggle slightly to.
As the older twin put the brace back on, he looked at the other turtle in complete worry, ā€œā€¦Why are you squirming around so much?ā€ Donatello asked in confusion.Ā 
ā€œā€¦No reason.ā€ Leonardo stated, but let out a tiny squeak as Donnie lightly pinched his forearm.Ā 
ā€œYohou okayā€¦?ā€ The glasses wielding mutant giggled.Ā  Ā 
ā€œI-Iā€™m fihine!ā€ The smaller turtle insisted, covering his mouth as he let out a loud shriek in result to his brother now lightly scribbling his forearm. ā€œEEEEE!Ā P-Plehease moohoove yohour hahahand!!ā€ The younger sputtered out, hiding his face in the crook of the scientistā€™s neck which the older turtle couldnā€™t help but let his heart melt to.
ā€œOh.ā€ Donatello hummed, biting back an amused laugh, ā€œSorry. Sometimes I forget how ticklish you areā€¦ā€
ā€œSnrtĀ I-Ihihiā€™mĀ nahatĀ ticklish. I juhust donā€™t wahant your hand thehereā€¦ā€Ā 
And isnā€™t thatĀ quaint.Ā 
If Donnie had a penny for every time Leo said heĀ 'wasnā€™t ticklish',Ā the softshell would be richer thanĀ Elon Musk.
ā€œā€¦Right.Ā Soā€¦you wouldnā€™t mind me doingĀ thisĀ then?ā€ The young genius mused as he scribbled one hand over his twinā€™s ribs. ā€œEEEEHEH!Ā Duhuhude noHOH!!Ā F-Fuhuck yohou!ā€ The younger twin managed through his small giggles, pushing on his brotherā€™s plastron to try and escape while he still could.
The elder laughed fondly at his little brotherā€™s futile actions, hugging him closer as he lightly tickled him, ā€œNahardo! My brohohother in Christ gehetĀ back hereĀ or youā€™re gohoing to fahall off of the bed!
ā€œN-NOHO!! LEHET ME GO!ā€ The lime green eyed teen screeched loudly, kicking his legs and pushing even harder on the otherā€™s plastron, his eyeā€™s widening in panic as his older brother casually lifted him up and pinned his arms above his head, his plastron now facing up on the bed.
Eugh boyā€¦
Donnie grinned, sitting on the otherā€™s thighs as he wiggled his unoccupied fingers in the air near the sliderā€™s side, ā€œThatā€™s better~!ā€
ā€œWAHAIT WAHAHAITĀ snrtĀ PLEHEASE DEEHEE!!ā€ The red eared slider cried, kicking his legs from underneath the scientist.
If he was going to go downā€¦he would atĀ leastĀ go down fighting.Ā 
ā€œI havenā€™t evenĀ touchedĀ you yet, you goofā€¦ā€ The older twin chuckled.Ā 
ā€œB-BUHUT YOHOUR GOHOHONNA!ā€Ā 
ā€œ'Gonna'Ā what,Ā exactly?ā€
ā€œTihiHICKLE ME!!ā€Ā 
ā€œTickle you?Ā Well, why didnā€™t you justĀ sayĀ soĀ in the first place?ā€ Donatello snickered, using his free hand to skitter his fingers along the crookā€™s of the youngerā€™s neck.Ā 
The blue banded turtle squealed, shaking his head back in forth whilst scrunching his shoulders, ā€œGAHahaā€”Ā snrtĀ EEEEHEEHEHĀ oho cohomeĀ snrtĀ OHAHAN!!ā€Ā 
ā€œWhatā€™s wrong, Leo? I thought you said youĀ werenā€™t ticklish~?ā€ The older teased.
ā€œSnrtĀ STHDHAHAH! ShuhutĀ UP!Ā IHIā€™M naHAT!ā€ The younger shouted, tugging and pulling his arms to try and get his handā€™s free from the otherā€™s grasp. Donnie just laughed softly at the action, wiggling his fingers above his little brotherā€™s stomach.Ā 
The lime green eyed teenā€™s eyes widened in panic, thrashing in the hold to try and loosen his brotherā€™s grip but the purple banded turtle did not budge even aĀ smidge.Ā 
Leoā€™s laughs became more giddy and loud as he continued to squirm, small squeals and snorts escaping his beak as his twin brotherā€™s hand wentĀ sloooooowlyĀ to his stomach.Ā 
ā€œN-NOHO NONONONO DAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ DOHON!!ā€ The smaller turtle snorted, hiding his face in the side of his arm which Donnie couldnā€™t help but giggle to.Ā 
The light golden eyed mutant rested his hand on the sliderā€™s plastron, making the younger turtleā€™s laugh raise almost a thousand octaves.Ā 
ā€œDOHONā€™TĀ snrtĀ DOHONā€™T DOHOHONā€™TĀ snrtĀ YOU DARE!! YOHOUR SOHOĀ MEEHEEHEEAN!!ā€ Leonardo whined, hiding deeper into his arm and becoming a giggly flustered mess.
The older twin shook his head fondly at his little brotherā€™s embarrassed state, taking the opportunity to tickle the youngerā€™s stomach while he wasnā€™t looking.Ā 
Leo let out a loud scream, descending into high-pitched cackles as evenĀ louderĀ snorts followed, ā€œHAHAHAHELP!! IHIā€™MĀ SNRTĀ BEEHEEING SLAHAHAUTERED!!ā€Ā 
ā€œIā€™m quite literally only usingĀ one hand,Ā Nardo. Stop being dramatic.ā€ The light golden eyed teen mused whilst watching his brother snort and squirm, ā€œAnd here I thoughtĀ IĀ was the dancer of the family. Look at you! Youā€™re making up a wholeĀ dance routineĀ right now!ā€ He said as he let go of Leo, crossing his arms in amusement.Ā 
ā€œS-ShuhuhutĀ snrtĀ upā€¦ā€ The younger twin wheezed out, hugging his middles as he playfully glared at his purple loving brother.Ā 
Then, a lightbulb went on in the scientistā€™s brain, a smug smile spreading to his face, ā€œHmā€¦you know, Leeā€”ā€
ā€œDohont callĀ snrtĀ me thahat!ā€ Leo giggly interupted.Ā 
ā€œUh-huh.Ā Well, Leeā€¦did you know that the underarms are one of theĀ warmestĀ places on the human body?ā€ The scientist said.Ā 
The lime green eyed mutant cocked his head to the side in confusion, ā€œSoho?ā€Ā 
ā€œSooooĀ my hands are cold.Ā VeryĀ cold, in fact. Iā€™d be forever in your debt if you couldā€”ā€
ā€œNO! NONOHO WAHAY INĀ HEHELL!Ā G-GOHOĀ AWAHAHAY!ā€ Leo squealed, reaching for his brotherā€™s wrists as the elder tried to tickle his neck once again.
Sighā€¦Leonardo made this too damnĀ easyĀ sometimes.
The glasses wielding teen wasnā€™t just going to miss thisĀ oh-so-definetly-not-plannedĀ opportunity! The softshell scribbled his fingers along the sliderā€™s underarms, making the younger let out a loud squawk as he shot his arms down.Ā 
ā€œNAHAH AHAHAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ GEHET THEHE HEHELL OHAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ OHOHOUT!!ā€ Leonardo cried while banging his heels on the bed.Ā 
ā€œWhat~?ā€ Donnie hummed inocently.Ā 
ā€œGEHEHET AHAā€”Ā snrtĀ GEHET. OHOUT. OHOF THEHEHERE!ā€
ā€œAweā€¦why~?ā€
ā€œBEEHEECAUSE IHITā€™S SOHO BAHAHAD!!!ā€Ā 
ā€œAnd?ā€ Donnie chuckled, ā€œThat sounds like aĀ youĀ problem, little brother.ā€Ā 
ā€œAHHHAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ GAHAHADĀ FUHUCK YOHOU!!!ā€
ā€œPardonā€¦what was that?ā€ Donnie questioned as he pinched where Leoā€™s hip met his thigh. ā€œN-NONOā€”Ā snrt NAHAHAH!!Ā I CANā€™Tā€”Ā snrtĀ PLEHEHEASE Iā€™MĀ snrtĀ SORRY!! I-IHI TAHAHAKE IHIT BAHAHCK!!ā€Ā 
ā€œNahā€¦I think Iā€™ll just stayĀ riiiiightĀ here for a bitā€¦ā€ The taller turtle smiled, using both of his hands now to tickle Leo into a laughing and snorting blob.
The younger weakly hit his big brotherā€™s arms, throwing his head back as he squeezed his eyes completely shut.Ā 
ā€œā€¦And you know what, Lee~?ā€Ā 
ā€œWHAHAHATĀ NOW?!ā€Ā 
ā€œIā€™m feelingā€¦kind ofĀ famished.ā€ The elder mused, his smile almost looking like the signature Jokerā€™s as he saw his younger brotherā€™s face pale.Ā 
Leonardo scrambled to sit up, fighting with his brotherā€™s arms as he giggly protested, ā€œPLAHAā€”Ā snrt PLAHAHEASE!Ā PLEHEASEĀ snrtĀ D-DOHONā€™T!!ā€Ā 
Donnie pinched his brotherā€™s thighs unforgivingly, ā€œYou should have thought about that before yapping suchĀ illĀ nonsenseĀ about yourself.ā€
ā€œWHAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ WHAHAHAā€”Ā snrtĀ WHAHAT DIHIDĀ snrtĀ IHIHIĀ snrtĀ EVEN SAHAHAY?!ā€ The lime green eyed turtle cackled, flapping his hands on the mattress.Ā 
It took literallyĀ everythingĀ in the older twin not to coo his baby brotherā€™s adorable actions; instead, he lightly moved Leoā€™s hands away, smiling evily as he lowered his head to the otherā€™s plastron, ā€œYou donā€™t even know. Guess youĀ reallyĀ want this, huh~?ā€Ā 
The blue banded teen kicked his knees into his brotherā€™s shoulders and shell, throwing his head back in complete hysterics whilst waiting for him complete and utter demise.Ā 
The softshell wasted no time blowingĀ raspberriesĀ afterĀ raspberriesĀ in the middle of his youngerā€™s stomach, making sure to move the otherā€™s hands away any time he tried to push at the young geniusā€™ head.Ā 
Donnie didnā€™t feel like getting brain damage after all.
Plus, he had his signature glasses į“…į“É“į“€į“›į“‡ŹŸŹŸį“ į“›į“ on! And those wereĀ trademarkedā€¦as you canĀ wonderfullyĀ see.Ā 
ā€œGodā€¦can youĀ getĀ more ticklish?ā€ Donatello giggled, squeezing and squishing the red eared sliderā€™s knees with one hand and scribbling his sides with the other whilst contuinung to raspberry Leoā€™s stomach.Ā 
ā€œDEEHEE DEEHEEHEEĀ SNRTĀ PLEHEHEASE!!!Ā IHIĀ SNRTĀ DAHAHAHā€”Ā SNRTĀ DAHAā€”Ā SNRTĀ DAHUNNO!!ā€ The smaller turtle screamed, happy stimming with his arms on the taller twinā€™s shoulder.
Donnie couldnā€™t help but chuckle, deciding to show his twin aĀ tad bitĀ of mercy as he nibbled his stomach lightly.Ā 
The slider let out bloody murder from his beak, happy tears threatening to fall from his eyes as his bubbly cackles and snorts bounced off the walls of his room.
ā€œJeezā€¦I think Peppa Pig has some competition, huh~?ā€ The light golden eyed mutant snickered.
ā€œPLEHEHEASE!!Ā TEHEHELLOĀ SNRTĀ IHIā€™M GOHā€”Ā SNRTĀ GOHOHAā€” AHAHAĀ SNRTĀ MYHYHYĀ SNRTGAHAHAHAD!!!ā€ The smaller teen pleaded.
ā€œDo you promise to stop putting yourself in between danger and your family?ā€ The older hummed.Ā 
ā€œYEHEHES!!ā€ The younger cried loudly.
ā€œDo you promise to go easier on yourself?ā€Ā 
ā€œYAHAā€”Ā SNRTĀ YAHAā€”Ā SNRTĀ YEHEHES!!!ā€
ā€œDo you promise to accept your doing an amazing job as leader and we all love youā€”ā€
ā€œMYĀ SNRTĀ FUHUHUCKINGĀ SNRTĀ GAHAHAD!!!Ā IHIHIĀ SNRTĀ GEHET IT!!ā€ Leonardo shouted, his blush now completley blending into the red stripes on his face.Ā 
The softshell turtle got off of the other, sitting next to his little brother as his little brother in question hugged his middles and giggled tiredly.Ā 
ā€œY-Yohou could ohof juhuhust sahaid ahall of thahatĀ wihihithoutĀ tickling meeheeeā€¦ā€ The younger grumbled despite the evident smile on his face.
ā€œAnd whereā€™s the fun in that?ā€ Donnie smiled back, his expression softening as Leo got up and leaned against him softly. The older wraped an arm around the youngerā€™s shoulder, pulling him closer into a warm, protective gesture.Ā 
ā€œAhand would yohohou look ahat that! Ihi got yohour emo bahad boy ahahass toĀ smileĀ todahay. Your eheeven hugging me~!ā€ The blue banded leader spoke softly, his voice filled with affection as he poked his twinā€™s forehead cheekily.Ā 
ā€œYou tellĀ anyoneĀ that and I willĀ not hesitateĀ to deny that extremely untrue statement.ā€ The scientist huffed, rolling his eyes fondly as his smile spread.
Ā·Ģ©Ģ©Ģ„Ķ™ļ¼Š*ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™āœ©ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*Ėšš™µš™øš™½Ėš*ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™āœ©ā€¢Ģ©Ģ©Ķ™*Ėšļ¼ŠĀ·Ģ©Ģ©Ģ„Ķ™Ā 
(š™æ.šš‚.: š™øšš šš¢šš˜ššž ššŽšš—šš“šš˜šš¢ššŽšš šššš‘šš’ššœ šššš’ššŒ, šš™šš•ššŽššŠššœššŽ šš›ššŽšš‹šš•šš˜šš!!!)
#Rottmnt tickle#Rottmnt tickle fic#Lee!Leo#Ler!Donnie#WHOOOOOO BOYYYYYYā€¦#Iā€™m sorry but Iā€™m not sorry šŸ«¶šŸ¾#Angst is like my second child šŸ‘¶šŸ¾šŸ’˜šŸ’žšŸ’šŸ’–šŸ’—#But I feel like I need to explain some stuff bc this fandom is probably holding me at gunpoint rn šŸ˜…šŸ”«#The reason why I feel like Leo and Raph had so many disagreements when Leon became leader is bc Leo canā€™t handle yelling#LIKE AT ALLā€” he just sees it as whomever is yelling means their mad#So if Raphie boy was like: ā€œI CARE ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU DUMB ASS BITCH WHY CANā€™T YOU JUST BE CAREFULā‰ļøā€#Leo would hear it as: ā€œI HATE YOU SO MUCH RN WHY CANā€™T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHTā‰ļøā€#This fandom has been sleeping on AuDHD Leo for Y E A R S and I shall not be silent anymore its SOOOOOOO OBVIOUS šŸ˜­ā€¼ļø#I could not remember the word ā€œhypocriticalā€ for the LIFE of meā€¦when I searched it up I probs wrote ā€œhippopotamusā€#Leon is trying PLEAAAASE catch him a break šŸ™šŸ¾šŸ™šŸ¾šŸ™šŸ¾#Older twin Donnie is canon idgaf I was in the writers room TRUST šŸ‘šŸ¾šŸ’—šŸ’žšŸ’šŸ’•#Big bro senses šŸ¤šŸ¾ Twin senses#Donnie is fucking UNSTOPPABLE šŸ¤ŒšŸ¾ā€¦bud does need to learn how to control is volume when upset tho eheheheh#He genuinely doesnā€™t know when heā€™s gradually getting louder or more upsetā€¦thatā€™s why he was so panicked when Leo had his lil meltdown LOL#Raphie just expresses his worry with yellingā€¦ex: ā€œAND NOT EAT POSIONā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€#Oh yeah this takes place a couple months after the Invasionā€¦so everyone is like healed and everything but yk theyā€™re still traumatized obvs#šŸ˜ŒšŸ‘šŸ¾#Leoā€™s lil tactic on dropping convoā€™s is a HC I have so donā€™t quote me on it šŸ™ŒšŸ¾#GDGDGSHSN I ALSO NEED PPL TO DRAW DON WEARING HIS GLASSES MORE OFTEN HEā€™S SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE šŸ’šŸ’˜šŸ’•šŸ’—šŸ’–šŸ’žšŸ’“šŸ©·#But tysm Nonnie!!! This was a TON of fun to write!#Make sure your taking care of yourself and drinking waterā€” or at least get a snack šŸ„°#But after the mission Raph was SEETHINGā€¦and usually Don tries to talk to Leon instead cuz like he doesnā€™t want either party being upset#Nor does he want either of them to feel overwhelmed. So when Leo was like ā€œUr doing this to me again?!ā€ Hes referring to all the times Don#<- has done that#Leo doesnā€™t like feeling pitied but itā€™s not Donā€™s intention to make him feel that way he just loves him family
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butterfc Ā· 1 month ago
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i just finished the first season of interview with the vampire and iā€™m at a loss for words. what a masterpiece.
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actuallyitsstar Ā· 4 months ago
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our past is a foreign country, our neighborhoods have changed. i was the fool who got l u c k y. you were the fool who flew s t r a i g h t. (insp).
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fumifooms Ā· 16 days ago
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
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Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iā€™m sure Iā€™m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatā€™s been confirmed. On the table of contents thereā€™s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donā€™t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the ā€œbadā€ devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaā€™s relationship with them? Sheā€™s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheā€™s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheā€™s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnā€™t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityā€™s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaā€™s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnā€™t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereā€™s an itch to every devil, and for Makima itā€™s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheā€™s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itā€™s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansā€™ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulā€” Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesā€” There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaā€™s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itā€™s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilā€™s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itā€™d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheā€™d have been part of that ā€”hisā€” order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorā€™s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilā€” All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
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And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendā€™s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnā€™t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itā€™s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatā€™s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnā€™t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itā€™s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatā€™s the extra edge they must be missing to be contentā€” like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsā€¦ā€¦.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyā€™re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itā€™s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itā€™s pretty direct and sheā€™s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheā€™s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyā€™re her personal lifeā€” something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheā€™s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
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Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiā€™s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human bodyā€¦ Thereā€™s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fillā€¦ Outside influence theyā€™re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiā€™s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out ofā€¦ Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itā€™s Angel Devilā€™s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedā€” we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersā€™ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiā€™s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherā€” part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilā€™s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itā€™s her feeling empty when sheā€™s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itā€™s something that they like nor that itā€™s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itā€™s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itā€™s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedā€” feared, powerful, knownā€” hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itā€™s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beā€” a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aā€¦. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iā€™ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itā€™s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drumā€¦ Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheā€™s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaā€™s biggest tool, similarly capitalismā€™s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatā€™s what theyā€™ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnā€™t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestā€” how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itā€™s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenā€™t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnā€™t live and breathe purely for the mission sheā€™s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
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Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheā€™ll have decided for peopleā€” and thatā€™s the thing isnā€™t it, like with War, itā€™s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itā€™s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulā€¦.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donā€™t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog šŸ˜­#Thisā€™d be a different topic but. I donā€™t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iā€™d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenā€¦.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iā€™m fine. Iā€™m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnā€™t align with ours obvi but#ā€˜Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?ā€™ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyā€™re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood šŸ¤” or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ā€˜but every demon likes to drink bloodā€™ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnā€™t belong as a devil??? bc heā€™s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatā€™s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereā€™s a lot more iā€™d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iā€™ve seen a take that the ā€˜my friend at a farmā€™ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itā€™s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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tragicotps Ā· 1 year ago
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Asriel Belacqua + his biggest weakness aka Marisa Coulter
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Since we didnā€™t get a proper HenBuck scene about him discovering his bisexuality, I think we all deserve a nice scene post-BT breakup where the two of them talk about how much of an ass T is. Buck trying to apologize because he didnā€™t see it sooner, but Henā€™s just keeps saying he got there in the end and thatā€™s what matters. HenBuck are always adorable, I must have more of the sibling energy from them!!!
And itā€™s actually so criminal that we didnā€™t get a scene with the two of them talking about Buck coming out (although Iā€™ll forgive it if itā€™s because Hen couldnā€™t bring herself to support a relationship between her surrogate little brother and That Man, and she didnā€™t want to lie to Buck, especially about his first queer relationship). I donā€™t think Hen would want to interfere in anyoneā€™s relationship, but especially a relationship that is a new beginning for Buck and his identity. Sheā€™s a lil nosy, but she also cares so much about her people, and the fact that we donā€™t have a scene where she explicitly tells Buck that sheā€™s proud/happy for him discovering more about himself is so loud, especially given that sheā€™s the only other canonical queer member of the 118 firefam. She would just trust that Buck could figure things out on his own - after all, sheā€™s the one whoā€™s believed in him probably the longest at the 118. Thatā€™s her little brother, guys, I refuse to believe that the Henren scene in the hospital was the most reaction weā€™ll get from Hen about Buckā€™s newfound bisexuality.
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evocatiio Ā· 4 months ago
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps šŸ™šŸ¾šŸ™šŸ¾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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toddtakefive Ā· 5 months ago
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thinking about todd and his resolve towardā€¦ not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with whatā€™s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesnā€™t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ā€˜from camp in sixth gradeā€™, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesnā€™t voice it until they all have). heā€™s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, heā€™s just lonely, and heā€™s generally okay with that. he doesnā€™t have friends and thatā€™s fine, he doesnā€™t participate in class and thatā€™s fine, he doesnā€™t have a relationship with his family and thatā€™s fineā€”he could live without any real connection and heā€™d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says ā€œi can take care of myself just fine!ā€ is that he isnā€™t really wrong, you can infer that heā€™s been doing it his entire life anyway, itā€™s that ā€˜taking care of yourselfā€™ isnā€™t the same thing as really living or being happy. toddā€™s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but heā€™s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isnā€™t friendless because heā€™s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, heā€™s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neilā€™s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but arenā€™t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
thereā€™s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie heā€™s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. heā€™s already accepted being the family disappointment, and heā€™s already accepted heā€™ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesnā€™t like it, but heā€™d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but heā€™d have managed. heā€™d done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously itā€™s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse butā€¦ genuinely heā€™d have been alright#all things considered#itā€™s super interesting to me how itā€™s neil who starts the domino effect of toddā€™s life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that heā€™s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isnā€™t a savior moment on neilā€™s part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is likeā€¦ actively irritated at him in that scene šŸ˜­#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd canā€™t accept it yet because he canā€™t see what neil sees in him yet and doesnā€™t believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned itā€™ll be for nothing#as far as toddā€™s concerned ā€‹neil isnā€™t a savior or a hero in that scene heā€™s an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (ā€˜donā€™t you think you could be?ā€™ / ā€˜no! iā€¦ i donā€™t know!ā€™ +#ā€˜come on you heard keating donā€™t you want to *do* something about it?ā€™ / ā€˜*yes* butā€¦ā€™) doesnā€™t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isnā€™t really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesnā€™t get explored a lot but thereā€™s still evidence of him being his own person#heā€™s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesnā€™t personally agree +#(the entire ā€˜noā€™ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isnā€™t around and while they arenā€™t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they arenā€™t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neilā€™s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesnā€™t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything heā€™s a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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milkbreadtoast Ā· 11 months ago
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random but i resolved to post abt it every time i find a webtoon that I enjoy... and lately I've been having fun reading this one...
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*rubs nose* heh... I do dabble in het from time to time... no but seriously it's a p straightforward lighthearted enemies to lovers romcom, not groundbreaking or anything yet im over here kicking my feet and giggling the main couple is SO cute to me... i luv them... I actually couldnt wait to find out what happens next so ive been slowly reading ahead in the kor whenever i have time and they're sooo cutešŸ˜­šŸ˜­ I also like the art style and costume design a lot!! it gives me like. a nostalgic 90s shoujo anime vibe tbh... w the puffy hair and babyfaces...
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steelthroat Ā· 2 months ago
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First time staying at the hotel of a theme park (against my will, but that's a long story) and... it's so weird??????
Like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, how do I put it... it screams luxury but I a... childlike/childish way????
And I feel restless, like something is wrong. Uncanny.
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kacievvbbbb Ā· 2 months ago
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Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.
Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.
#the song just works on so many levels#cause yeah thereā€™s the grander theme off glory days gone past#but thereā€™s another layer of was; I really effective or good if the minute I left everything that I had built crumbled around me#because Toshinori was the symbol of peace but any peace that canā€™t survive without one man isnā€™t true peace at all#itā€™s a stalemate#hero society#should never have been so easy to collapse without all might#and honestly even though it was never really fully explored that was always a layer of the story I enjoyed#the ways in which a complete dominance in a field especially one as important as heroing can hurt just as much as it can help.#because if yagi had actually let people stand beside him if he hadnā€™t helped to create a space where other heroes could grow complacent#because all night was there. hero society would never have collapsed so easily without him.#itā€™s touched on but not a lot not dope if icalry about all nights dominance#itā€™s why I feel like if you watched the show and your geniune conclusion was that Deku should have become the new symbol of peace#then I just think we didnā€™t watch the same show#And don't get me wrong I'm not saying that yagi was wrong for saving people or using his powers to the max but it was touched on repeatedly#this kind of deep fear/belief that he had. That only he could save these people and if something happened to them it was on him.#Like every case could only be solved by him and it wasnt a pride thing if anything it was a trauma response same with Izuku#the tags for this got so long i swear i don't mean to do thisšŸ˜­#the symbolism#symbol of peace#all might#yagi toshinori#mha toshinori#mha#bnha#boku no hero acedamia#my hero acedamia#mha analysis#music#coldplay
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spaghett-onaplate Ā· 5 months ago
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls šŸ˜­)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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