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Actually kind of obsessed with the mental image of emmrich writing poetry for rook after they start dating. Especially if they're inspired by or about specific things that have happened between the two of them, because they were so emotionally significant in emmrich's mind that he wants to try and capture that significance in writing so he can show rook what they mean to him. ESPECIALLY if rook is also nevarran/speaks nevarran, because then emmrich can write it out in their native language and convey much more than he would be able to in common, and to greater effect
Either way, this needs to result in some wisps occasionally moving some pages of it and leaving them around the lighthouse, and for someone else to randomly stumble upon emmrich's achingly beautiful and sincere, yet simultaneously extraordinary horny, poetry meant for rook
#text post tag#dragon age#emmrich volkarin#its important to me that they be written in nevarran entirely because i want bellara or harding to find a page or two#and to then go ask the one other person at the lighthouse besides emmrich who understands nevarran to translate it#so they can see what it says#and end up getting rejected because the person they brought it to is picking out every single euphemism and play on words#and very much does not want to dissect and explain it to bellara and harding#SIGHING#bellara: hey i found a paper from emmrich's room on my desk what does it say?#vaara: this is...... i cant translate this for you#harding: aw come on whats wrong?#vaara: this is like. the horniest possible description of giving someone stitches ive ever read
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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i'm thiiiiis close to just blocking the whole j/v tag and/or the individual tags for both characters :)))
#and like. i do like them actually. i would have been happy to see them get together#(honestly if we get right down to it im a 'j has two hands' truther but thats besides the point)#but theyre doing that thing again where its Fucking Everywhere drowning out content i actually want to see. im irritated#i cant open the main tag anymore without seeing those two and almost nothing else and its been Months#'ummm this is the gayest thing ive EVER seen!' you just watched two women fuck on screen.#'c/v are TOXIC and so you CANT ship them' 1. wrong#2. whoooo gives a fuck. i dont care and i know you dont either#3. theyre the only canon couple who never literally tried to kill each other#'ohh theyre just Better Written!' not a new argument and not a good one either. convenient how men are always just better huh#levi.txt#yes this IS brought on by that 'i hope jakey dies' post but also its been sitting in my drafts for a month. this has Been on my mind#tldr i really just think the whole thing is a great microcosm of fan misogyny/lesbophobia#no matter what lesbians/wlw do were always going to have this impossibly high bar of moral purity/quality to reach in comparison#gotta be on screen/not queerbait but not explicit. not boring but not toxic. etc etc#and even when smth gets close its STILL never ever going to appeal as much as the possibility of men and The Implications#this is one thing im not gonna be nice abt anymore sorry. im normally pretty patient but yall get mean levi for one post#im so beyond tired of this shit in damn near every fucking fandom i join its been over 10yrs and nothing has changed#i feel alienated in just abt every popular fandom bc nobody will ever shut the fuck up abt white boy of the month no 579#it happens every time i get into smth that doesnt primarily have a fanbase of other wlw#and even then its not guaranteed that it wont eventually turn into that!#and im INCREDIBLY tired of people acting like wlw are all crazy bitches ruining everyones fun for pointing it out#anyway i might delete this later ive just been having a lot of feelings abt it#dont argue w me you cant change my mind. if you disagree simply do not interact w this post for both our sakes
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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Ugh..narrator...
#slay princess spoilers in these tags alex don readdd#i should be sleeping rn but while i was work i couldnt stop thinking abt#how much i feel like the narrator relates to me in how ocd affects me#hes not just afraid of change hes afraid of possibility. but thats not what he thinks hes afraid of he justifies his fear as#wanting to protect the world from seein death ever again#but in truth he wants to kill the embodiment of change itself#my mind is hazy but like i can get it because so many times i just hope that#things just stop#because i think abt so many possibilities so bad that it hurts me a lot#only thinking about the bad possibitilies and the good possibilities never go through my mind#i think so much abt everything that could happen if i do anything that i try my best at avoiding it#and if i fall into not doing it feels empty and stagnant#its safe but it feels really bad and i feel bad abt my fear#and thats what the narrator wants for the full scope of the world cos he thinks that will be better for everyone#dont get me wrong hes very wrong lol but hes so human at the same time#it only gets more clear by his nightmare where he describes that every good moment in life is a short omen for something horrible to happen#next#thats so ocd to me man “oh fuck this is too good something bad will happen”#bitch should have gone to therapy instead of trapping the gods of reality itself trapped in a torture bubble lol#or he should have played satbk#sonic is always right#also i get a lot of ocd vibes from the cage but its slightly different#she thinks she already knows whats going to happen and doesnt try to test another possibility#the only way to save her is to prove to her that what she thinks will happen isnt set in stone. she cant know what will happen#even if her past trauma feels like enough proof that things will be the same- she cant know...#also how she thinks her body is acting on its own and that it has nothing to do with her but it does she just cant see it#cage....#also i love how she comes from prisoner. because prisoner is actually very reasonable in her distrust of you but she believes that her plan#will work#but it doesnt and it turns into the trsuma that turns her in cage cos every worry feels like its the truth
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something you need to know abt me is that im extremely scared of artificial voices (think siri, alexa, any voice on gps thingies while driving) and no one believed me when the alexa changed voices one night, even tho i froze in place and all the hairs in my body stand up...
anyway, i'm also terrified of blonde and not really human faces... like that mix specifically (think "i feel fantastic" lady android, max headroom and the first mask of "possibly in michigan")
just felt like sharing <3
#the parasite talks#idk where these fears come from honestly#i've tried watching the max headroom series but i cant#i cant go past the intro without feeling physically ill#i've been able to watch possibly in michigan and is my favorite video and song ever#but the other two i cant at all#i also scream an cry when there's a picture of a being looking directly “at you” but im guessing that's normal if the intent was to scare#i also imagine beings looking at me through the windows and dark screens and generally the dark but i know thats my crazy mind#that's why i have my windows taped vampire style like the wwdits house#and when i was little i would stare at my toys for a long while in case they would move or blink#i still think they do that but i have made peace with it#specially because i had 2 toys that actually moved and talked without me touching them i guess that made something in my brain go wrong#but they were mostly batteries corroding#although one was alive for almost 20 years with the same batteries#sometimes i worry what will happen when i live alone...
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i wish i had never been born but other than that i'm taking things well i think ❤️
#suicidal ideation tw#this is mainly a joke im not fr depressed or suicidal abt breaking up w a guy after 3 weeks#just feels like there's no hope for love in my life now more than ever before and life is so hard in general#and i would never ever harm myself bc i wouldnt put my family through that and life is a precious gift etc#but dang i wish i wasn't here rn sometimes#anyway goodnight#im fr okay it was a tbought that crossed my mind but im not serious lol 😂#this is ok to rb im not actually in crisis lol#this has been a shitpost#i am generally taking it well actually#possibly bc im delulu hoping wr get back together but i can also recognize the issues in the relationship and almost broke it off myself#the night before#tbh i might not get back together with him if the opportunity presents itself bc i'm not convinced it's just a timing issue#as far as the issues go the timing is the only one i cant live with but it would pass#the other stuff i could live with but if he cant then those things aren't going away so its for the best but i think he's wrong#two people dont need to share all the same interests and passions in order to work as long as they're willing to grow together and i was#so idk its his loss really#but also living is so hard and dating is literally hell get me out of hereeeee#i felt this way BEFORE him and then i had a little glimmer of hope like oh wait love is real i could def fall for this guy#and now it's bleaker than ever before#but at least i know i'm capable of love ig 😒
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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when i love someone i WANT to learn abt their past traumas, their insecurities nd pain so that i can learn how to love them right. i want to understand how i should treat, reassure and comfort them. i want to learn their love languages so i can love them the way they need
#but why.... does no one ever want to do that for me?#i always have to bend and reshape so im as little bothersome as possible#and ppl always say stuff like omg u need to communicate nd u need to tell them blah blah blah#ok but what abt when u actually do all of that but no one listens to u????#i actually do communicate my needs. very clearly#yet... im never heard or listened to#am i just not worth that??? idk.. i dont get it#i just ache to be loved the way i love. bc i know that i love wholly and profoundly#but im gonna run out if i cant receive the love that i need#:((((#also it just hurts to be so understanding and supportive and want ppl to be comfortable#but then i dont get to take up any space or i dont get to have needs#i should only listen but never ask for anything in return#it just sucks#have i done smth wrong??? or am i just an awful person? delusional?#bc i have NEVER been in a space where im safe to express my feelings#not w my family. not friends. not even my therapists lmao (theyve also criticized nd judged me)#so im starting to think that maybe i actually am wrong#maybe if everywhrre i go im met by this. maybe i just need to suck it up#and be grateful for whatever scraps of love im thrown#bc clearly i am doing smth wrong!!!!!!
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my beef with Hughie being the most annoying part of The Boys ended, Kimiko & Frenchie reigniting their romance is my new The Boys best enemy 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
#i really liked their platonic supportive 'were both broken wahwah' relationship. literally donut care at all about their romance 🙄🙄🙄#fr i actually almost liked hughie this season. way less annoying overcompensating failson energy & more actually resolving his issues#kinda hoped cate was going to tell frenchie to walk off the dock at the warf at the end but we cant have everything :(#because fuck that plot line & fuck that IOF scum actor!!!!#the boys#it was a really good season imo. really set things up for what i hope will be a fascinating final season#(also cant wait for season 4.5 when season 2 of gen v comes out. hope that spin-off gets at least as many seasons. rip chance perdomo 😞)#a-train FINALLY getting his nerve! the deep finally going full sicko instead of being the rapist comic relief. ashley continuing to unravel#so excited to learn what the v did to her. if anyone deserves a mostly-useless-except-for-weird-sex-stuff power its her!!!!!#sage better have another 8 layers of gEniUs subterfuge up her sleeve otherwise i am rooting for a maeve cameo next season to kick her ass#sage was definitely an interesting highlight this season. 'smartest woman on earth' but ultimately just a lonely sociopathic loser#there were a few moments where- despite her 'intellectual' truth that human lives are meaningless- that she seemed bothered by the wanton#violence. & i really dont believe that she'd get over homelander so casually throwing her away. probs wont pay off but im a 'sage is#scheming against the 7 after all' truther. if a-train could get his head out of his ass anything is possible for anyone!!!#rip victoria neuman 😩 literally did nothing wrong ever in her life and butcher killed her for it smh my head#(she really was a fantastic villian though. actual 'if AOC had super powers' except more charming & less evil. claudia doumit was amazing)#dani talks about tv
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watching the eighty-six. stomach turning, sweat, walked, fought the air, air screamed, i cant.
#i feel the need to rewatch it whole already even tho im only at the beginnings of s2#but i know i probably wont watch it again until a long time passes bc just....... shit.....#science fiction makes me sick sometimes#i love those damn books and anime but i cant help but wonder#can the world make that#what if we do#can i ask the professors at my uni that? the people at seminars who make military constructs?#i wanna know the scope of people's current possibilities so i can well at least know#i need to know how much we are willing to go with inventions in spite of immorality so i can not make any mistakes if i ever do#and i know its silly bc i would just be asking media inspired questions#but i'd be so scared of making those smart minds turn in a wrong direction#to give voice to a scary idea#bc what if they haven't thought of that#the people who are into robotics and informatics#mecha is one scary thing in the hands of people#but i cant take my eyes off of it#anyways 86.... when they held their hand to their earpieces... the one's who were made with the lives of families of their comrades#the one's that limited them yet made them all available to each other#kfmncvnge4nmh i dont have anything smart to say#im sorry to anyone who had to read my pretentious toughts#0 notes to me
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!
"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)
Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.
Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives
There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).
The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)
#snap chats#theres a note here about aoki's self hatred and ergo his inability to believe people could love him without 'worth'#and some kind of. I Dont Know occurs that comes with aoki accepting that love and ergo At Least Tolerating himself#and again becoming better as a person as a result. not WHOLLY you cant undo Everything Wrong With Him with one therapy session#but itd at least be a start and thats far more than anything else rgg has given since like. ryuji in dead souls#but w/e i- as per usual- have the vocabulary of a walrus so we're just gonna have to imagine i said something profound#AND THE LACK OF HUGGING IN THIS FRANCHISE IM GOING TO STAB ALL OF YOU. IN MINECRAFT.#with the power of delusions and this like seven-year-old wacom tablet i can fix that......#it'll never be enough it'll never fill the void in my soul but it'll be something i guess#BUT UGH NO SORRY IM JUST MAD NOW#nothing in my life has ever genuinely triggered anger in me than the y7 ending its just soooooooOOOOO#IT WAS SOOO CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT I CANT#im going to give myself a blood clot thinking about it anymore i feel my heart stopping Do Not Call An Ambulance I Cannot Afford It#so to stop myself from going in any more debt than i already am..... the possibility of any essays from me are very small#my ability to use words is near non existent. i feel like a right ninny sometimes#in any case im not sure what else i could expand on that isn't restating what you've said#cant ever be upset with bein on the same wavelength tho it gives my inarticulate ass a helluva easier time trying to explain LMAO#plus im petrified of trying to interpret anything from the english dub or english subs#and looking into language use is Very Much important when dissecting abusive relationships#i guess there's always just talking about general actions committed and not inspecting the exact words used#idk.. at the very least ill rotate the concept in my head and then fend off the urge to eat my teeth#i'm gonna throw up.... im still thinking of it........ gonna make an unrelated-but-arguably-related post in like three seconds#dont look at it its cringe
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leafs you are sooooo sexy leafs you’re gonna bury the bolts sooooo hard
#leafs i believe in you soooo much#leafs lb#poffs lb#i cant believe this is going to ot they’re insane#i mean there’s 20 secs left but. that can’t possibly ever go wrong
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LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND
#mine#🎸#vibrating at immense speeds rn ajskwkfllflwncf the MOST THE MOST ever#the only thing in your mind i need to be the BEST the most loved augh im not doing anything wrong but its still not ENOUGH#why cant i be satisfied. but at the same time LOVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE EXISTS#i need to add more fuel to the fire of our love but i dont know what to do exactly... clearly mentioning the issue didnt work#idk i literally want him to kill me or something i need to be consumed by love. ah all of our mutual friends are quickly going to#learn how fucking mentally ill i can get. im not ready for them to but if hes telling them these things then theyre gonna KNOW#love me more more more i thought you used to be scared of how much you loved me. obsess over me again!!!!!!#if im not the one doing anything wrong what is the problem. what is preventing you from loving me the most you possibly can!!!#if its something with me I'll just kill that part of me. ugh he wouldnt want me partaking in unhealthy thoughts like this#so what is there to do? i need to drown in the grain silo of love. there isnt enough to drown in rn though... i cant just#make him love me more. an evil oriented solution would be to make everyone hate him so he just loves me but thats a horrible thing to do#and id feel bad about it forever. so im not gonna do THAT i want him to be happy. but even when hes happy he isnt loving me intensely#i need to be desired i need to be ripped open like a phone book –_–#everyone is learning how insane abt him i am and its kind of embarrassing. well my feelings i guess. it is embarrassing to have feelings#if this whole situation was an asmr youd be listening to it willingly. but its NOT arent you supposed to like me like this#im overthinking this hes probably just depressed which is making it difficult to be insane
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