#it annoys me so much like you have a WEAPON that you are apparently really good with

[racetrackmybeloved]

i gotta say, i wish we had seen finch actually using his slingshot, instead of just fiddling with it and aiming for dramatic effect. how is it fair that we get crutchie using it but not finch ?? he's got great aim according to his trading card, so let's actually see it please? pull a 92sies spot and yeet rocks at strikebreakers or something please and thank you

its also such a missed opportunity - how are you gonna liken them to david and goliath FOUR TIMES and yet not let the boy with the sling(shot) use it ??

the four times if anyone was wondering (its mostly katherine):

"so i guess you'd say you're a couple of davids looking to take on goliath?" - katherine

"a modern day david is poised to take on the rich and powerful goliath" - katherine

"it's david and goliath, do or die" - katherine, watch what happens

"we'll slay the giant" - ensemble, seize the day

[somnoir]

Little star's favorite

It all started when Talia came to Gotham with a gift.

The gift in question was a twelve year old boy.

Bruce stared at the boy who was almost the exact replica of Damian if not for the blue eyes and longer hair. He looked utterly perplexed at the sight of Bruce, tilting his head before frowning at his mother with a visibly displeased look.

"Beloved, may I introduce you to Danyal, our Damian's twin brother. He was... Away... On a mission until recently." Talia hummed, a hand on Danyal's back.

"You... You didn't think to tell me about him when you told me about Damian?" Shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked down at the boy who looked a little more like him than Talia and felt himself softening. "Hello Danyal."

"Hello."

Talia smiled, before her expression fell. "A little warning, beloved. The twins do not get along. Damian is quite the competitive child and Danyal... Well, he's the nicer one if I must say." She shrugged, running her fingers through her son's hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Go on now, Najmi As-Sagheer (my little star)."

"Ummi... Must I join them? I am perfectly fine with remaining in the league." Danyal muttered, eye twitching but his expression was quickly schooled into neutrality.

"Yes, Danyal." She sighed, "I have no intention of letting father keep you."

Bruce raised a brow at her words.

"That is a conversation for another time, habibi." Talia lazily insisted, gently pushing Danyal towards Bruce.

Bruce, for all he's lived, immediately recognized a feral cat in the form a child. Yep. Another Damian. That was seemingly the nicer one.

But he was scruffy little thing who was being called little star by his mother. Bruce blinked, offering his hand to Danyal (like how a person would do by letting a cat sniff his hand to see if they were safe).

Danyal, more twitchy and annoyed than his brother, looked at the hand like it had personally offended him.

And that is how Batman brought home another child while holding him by the scruff.

(Danny hated everyone except for Alfred—both cat and butler)

Danyal was a much quieter person compared to Damian. Unlike his brother who had practically came into their lives guns blazing and declaring that he was the rightful heir to the bat, Danyal mainly ignored them. He would glare, snarl, and scowl, but not in the way Damian did. The kid was obviously threatened by them, but more for his own safety rather than inheritance.

He avoided them like the plague, only welcoming the company of Alfred and occasionally Cass.

He didn't join in on the vigilante business, opting to stay back with Oracle and just quietly direct them on their missions. It was strange in all honesty.

They didn't know much about Danyal, aside from the fact that his mother called him little star for his natural love of space. That he liked to tinker with gadgets and make his own weapons. That he really liked fudge.

Aside from that, the kid was quiet and was usually hiding out in his room.

Tim wasn't particularly thrilled to have another demon brat in the family. He avoided Danyal as much as possible expecting for the boy to be just like his brother and attack him.

But apparently not.

It's one of those unfortunate times that Tim's sleep deprivation and overload on energy drinks gets him benched by Alfred and not Bruce. No one particularly wanted to argue with their beloved butler/grandpa so Tim was stuck in place. It was a much quieter night than usual, almost peaceful (as much as Gotham can get).

Babs was relieved of her duties to have a night off, rest and relax and such, while Tim manned the bat computer in Oracle's place. He almost didn't notice the mop of black hair that suddenly appeared beside him.

Tim didn't want to admit it, but he flinched at Danyal's presence and how he was quietly standing there with a tray of coffee and cookies. Blue eyes blinked at him, silently pushing the tray forward to offer Tim the lone cup (most likely for him) and the plate of cookies.

Suspicious, Tim narrowed his eyes. "Alfred wouldn't make me coffee after benching me for this kind of thing."

Danyal shrugged, "Made it myself. Thought you'd need it since the others will be gone for a while."

"That's poisoned."

"It's not." Danyal frowned, immediately taking the cup and taking a couple sips himself before once again offering it to Tim.

Now, Tim wasn't stupid enough to ignore the possibility of Danyal having some tolerance to poison. But Tim was also tolerant to a lot of poisons so might as well.

When taking one sip, he was already feeling weird. One, there was no poison. Two, it was actually pretty good.

Danyal just sat there and stared at the screen, munching on cookies and pointing at the screen whenever Robin started to stray from the patrol route. Tim had a lot of fun reportingtattling to Bruce about it.

Eventually, it became a routine.

Danyal always sat beside Tim. Quiet and just offering random stuff, either food, some little gadget he made, or just the most bizarre stuff he found while at school.

Tim learned many things about his weird little brother. How cameras go crazy around him. How he had his reasons for not being touched. How Danyal was more silent than Cass. How Danyal vanished and reappeared at times.

(The glowing green eyes were the most concerning.)

He never really took notice of how Danyal started to gravitate to him. Always with him, barely without.

(Tim refused to admit that he was just the same.)

"Can I go on patrol with you?" Danyal asked, tugging at his Red Robin suit with a curious look. "I wanna meet Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn."

And Tim didn't really see much of a problem with that. Danyal was a highly trained assassin that Ra's apparently trusted to go on a solo mission while Damian had to be whisked away from the league. It wasn't too absurd for Tim to just shrug and let his kid brother tag along.

He was also very sure that his baby brother was an eldritch being with how the shadows seemed to rise around him. Yeah, the baby was a cryptid amongst a family of supposed cryptids. Very fitting.

It's a nice night. With Danny running amok with Tim, clearly having fun. But that one looks of sadness didn't escape Tim when Danny paused and looked to the sky with longing.

Tim remembers how Danny rambled about the stars in their shared moments, where it's just them.

Tim remembers how Danny would describe the sky in Nanda Parbar and how he often snuck out just to see it.

Tim remembers how much his little brother likes space and turns to the cloudy sky of Gotham that hides the stars.

Tim remembers how he was often depraved of the brotherly love he wanted. How he didn't get the full experience of having an older brother.

"You okay, little star?"

Danyal snapped his head towards Tim, eyes blown wide and flashing green (he knows that wasn't normal but he ignores that in favor to the way Danyal visibly softens at the nickname).

"'m okay, akhi." Danyal muttered, following after Tim after adjusting his own hood.

And it's like his heart stops.

Yep.

Tim has had Danyal for barely a year and he was willing to throw hands with Ra's, Talia, and Bruce for him.

"C'mon, qalbi(my heart). Batburger's still open."

He barely noticed the shift after that. But others think it's a glaring change that often made them stop and stare.

Danyal went to Tim whenever he needed anything.

If Danyal wasn't in bed, you'd find him snuggled up to Tim.

Danyal hated it when people touched him... Except for Tim.

Danyal liked Tim the most.

The day Dick thought it was a good idea to call Danyal 'Danny' (a nickname that was only used by Tim and Alfred), he almost got stabbed. Well, that's where all the stabbiness went to.

Safe to say, Tim was Danny's favorite.

And Danny was Tim's.

"Drake! What have you done to my brother?!" Damian pointed a katana at Tim, who lazily glanced his way before turning back to Danny who was comfortably snuggled up to him and watching Blue while Tim scrolled on Tiktok.

"I haven't done anything to Danny, demon brat. Now shoo!" Tim's irritation could be heard from a mile away, shamelessly shooing Damian away with a flick of his wrist. Then the next second, he was combing his fingers through Danny's hair and listening to his younger brother make a purring noise.

(Another point of investigation because that is not fucking normal, Tim. Cute though!)

"I refuse to believe that Danyal would prefer you over me!"

"You're just salty that he stabs you like you stab me." Tim waved him off again, watching as Danny yawned and continued to ignore everyone else.

The click of a camera immediately alerts him and he's tugging Danny down before the much younger boy lunges at Dick.

"Woah! What's up with him?" Dick nervously asked, instinctively raising his phone above his head.

"Delete that!" Tim snarled, pulling Danny closer and guiding his brothers face to his shoulder. "You know he hates it when people take pictures without consent!"

(Tim doesn't tell them that something goes every wrong with the footage if Danny was ever in the picture.)

"Dick." Tim warned, effortlessly picking up Danny, because yes, his seemingly cryptid baby brother could become weightless, and snatched Dick's phone. Yep. Instead of Danny, there was a very strange figure, a glitching silhouette of black and green. He deletes it immediately.

Dick was pouring, "I don't have any pics of Danny—"

"Don't call me that, Richard." Danny scowled, clinging to Tim like a koala. He was strangely more child-like than Damian, muttering about annoying people who interrupted bonding time. (Dick was just forced to pout.)

"Danyal." Damian crossed his arms, scowling at Danny who was still comfortably cuddled up to Tim. "It is not appropriate to cling to Drake in such a way! You will embarrass our mother and father if you are seen acting like a petulant child!"

Tim wanted to argue that no, he wouldn't embarrass Talia and Bruce by being a kid, but Danny just grabbed a cookie from nowhere (note to self, add possible teleportation powers to cryptid baby) and shoved it into his mouth.

Danny just yawned, fixing Damian with a lazy glare.

"Tuhali, can you shut up?"

Damian stood stock still, while Jason and Bruce choked on their own spit. Jason slapping a hand over his mouth and Bruce just staring at his twins like the apocalypse was about to return.

"What did you just call me?"

Danny yawne again, "My spleen."

Tim knew what Tuhali meant. Of course he fucking knew Arabic! But to think that his cryptid baby brother was straight up calling Damian his spleen?

The spleen that Tim doesn't have.

The spleen that's important to the immune system but you can survive without it?

Tim grinned, grabbing his cryptid baby and made a run for it.

Yep.

Danny was definitely his favorite.

Credits to: @strangergraphics for the dividers used.

[avelera]

following up on my last ask about misconceptions, what is something in each viktor and jayce that you find very interesting/apparent that you think people shouldn’t overlook? or rather, something you wished people talked about/acknowledged more?

(i love reading your analyses/rants lol)

Thank you! I think overall for me it's Viktor's kindness and Jayce's competence which are both really almost superhuman and often overlooked.

1 ) For Viktor, I think his kindness is actually really interesting! So often, scientist characters are written as misanthropic and even cruel. I think that's why Viktor is often tarred with that brush.

But actually, Viktor is pretty scrupulously polite. For example, even while he disappoints and dismisses Sky, he's not rude or cruel about it, he's just focused on what he's doing. The meanest he arguably is to Jayce is when he quips that Jayce might be egotistical for signing his notes (implying that Jayce believes that what is in there is sooo valuable and important that he wants it to be attributed to him), but it is clearly teasing and once Jayce talks about how beautiful magic is, Viktor never teases him like that again.

Viktor is even incapable of framing an invention that could save his very much at-risk life as anything but a way to help others. He's so incapable of bringing harm to others or wishing ill on them that he struggles to ask for help and is ashamed of the idea that he could dedicate valuable cycles of their ingenuity to anything but making the world a better place, something he believes in passionately. He loathes the idea of suffering and the senseless waste of conflict. Once he has otherworldly power, he seeks out those most in need and tries to heal them, then works to establish a community of safety where everyone is welcome.

Honestly, one reason I push back so hard on cruel takes on Viktor, especially takes where he strikes people (like with his cane) or where he directs personal insults at Jayce is because he is not shown to be like that very tired scientist trope. He's arguably the kindest, most pacifistic character in the show. He reacts with anger at just the idea of scientific progress being turned towards weapons to hurt others but even when at his most enraged, he never raises his voice and he never makes attacks personal, he always focuses on the substances of the argument and keeps his discussions intellectual, even when he's deeply hurt or scared or angry himself. He's a fascinating character for this reason and it feels like a disservice to ignore this.

2 ) For Jayce, I think his competence is often overlooked. He's frequently thrown into situations that are far outside his experience but, all things considered, he succeeds far more often than he fails in a way that is almost superhuman. If anything, I feel like people should be more annoyed with him for how naturally good he is at things than how he sometimes makes mistakes!

- Jayce isn't a politician, but he does manage to broker a peace, tackle systemic corruption, and head off a potential civil war (to the best of his abilities before it all goes to shit for reasons largely outside his control) within weeks of getting the job. He has an absolutely meteoric career for the little time he spends there and the very little preparation he had. He also executes a coup against the founder of the city that is successful within weeks of getting there and regardless of how you feel about him deposing Heimerdinger just to save Viktor, that is pretty impressive lol that he managed to get a unanimous vote on it from people that just a week or so before were ready to sabotage him for his aforementioned crusade against corruption.

- Jayce invented Hextech. Viktor is the innovator and he pushes its boundaries, but Jayce is still the one who invented it from scratch (or rather, from one acceleration rune) with a dream and a box of scraps.

- Jayce (with Viktor) invented the Hexgates and championed them. He would have changed multiple industries with that move. Like, him getting canonized as the Man of Progress isn't crazy, something like the Hexgates would change the world even in our world with all its technology.

- Jayce isn't a fighter but he holds his own against Shimmer berserkers, some of the most fearsome fighters in Arcane, pretty much by just being physically gifted and knowing the abilities of his hammer very well since we didn't see him train with it or anything. On this count it's almost infuriating how lucky/good he is as something at which he has little or no practice, compared to say Vi's lifelong fighting ability. Jayce is able to watch others and pick up cues quickly.

The fact he killed a child is a tragic accident but, there he also learns quickly, realizing faster than others, even arguably Vi, where his own morals stand and taking that unwavering stance that he will do everything in his power to avoid civilian casualties from that point on. (Many people get mad at him for making weapons for Cait but, I would argue, we have no evidence that she hurt civilians outside the Chem Barons' organizations AND her strike team helped avoid a larger invasion, which would align with Jayce's goals after the death of Renni's son). Honestly, all the child-killing Jayce memes annoy the fuck out of me because of how impactful it was on him and how hard he worked from that point on to make sure it never happened again. No one gives Viktor the same shit about killing Sky even though they were similarly accidents.

Basically, Jayce is super good at almost everything he touches. He reason he's seen as less competent is because he goes outside his field of expertise more than I'd say ANY other character does in the show and even then, after some initial flailing, he gains mastery in an astonishingly short time. Jayce is actually a mental and physical genius and I think that gets overlooked a lot in fanworks that make him out to be some incompetent puppy.

[wileycap]

Special Instructions For Luke Skywalker

(approved by hon. Sen. Organa, Gen. Solo, entirety of Rogue Squadron, Adm. Ackbar, hon. Sen. Mothma, distributed to Cmdr. Skywalker)

1. No acrobatics, except in designated excercise areas.

1.1. Not even if you can "jump really high, the Force is so bright right now, look!"

2. Absolutely NO mind reading.

2.1. If you do it on accident, try not to get a weird look on your face and also tell us what you learned. Proverb: It's better to know than to wonder about it until one ends up doing something stupid.

2.2. Yes. I'm talking about that. I can't look General Madine in the eye anymore.

2.3. It's still allowed for intrasquadron prank purposes. But you can't do it to the others, they freak out.

3. No posing. Yes, you pose. It's annoying and wrong. The rest of us are dirty and want to slump down into our own filth and sleep. We don't need to see you being all heroic.

4. No claiming "the will of the Force" when you do something weird. Yes it's saved all our lives more than once. Yes it's still offputting and just plain disturbing.

4.1. "The universe is telling me that..." is not an acceptable substitute.

4.2. "I have received an omen" is also out.

4.3. "The vibes speak to me" is funny but no.

4.4. "Hey guys, guess what came to me in a dream" might be okay but it was in the middle of combat. And you said it over the general comms. And then you did an unannounced microjump into actual hyperspace in the middle of actual combat. Admiral Ackbar nearly had a medical event.

5. If somebody wants to hold your lightsaber you should let them.

5.1. You're officially allowed to disregard that. Never give Janson your lightsaber again. We have no idea how he snuck that in in the first place.

5.2. If Princess Leia requests to inspect your ceremonial weapon (commonly known as a 'lightsaber'), you should let her. For reasons for legitimate cultural intrest and archeological research. And because as your superior, she has the right to inspect your weapon as set down in the Alliance Charter, section General Conduct, heading B4467, subheading BA561-33. By permission of Princess Leia. I approve of this. Luke give it to me for a second you get to have it all the time.

6. If you need to "have a conversation with a ghost", do it in a private place.

6.1. If you agree to have your ghost conversations in private, we promise to stop referring to our "private time" as "having a conversation with a ghost."

6.2. In fact, we could just stop announcing it altogether. It was funny the first time and it hasn't been funny since. Guys, I don't want to know.

6.3. But please don't talk to thin air in front of us.

7. Luke, you are a hero of the Alliance. We are also friends. You don't need to bow when you see me, even if I am technically royalty and your superior.

7.1. It's very sweet that you do it and I appreciate that you want to show your respect, but the new recruits are getting confused.

7.2. NO, ADMIRAL ACKBAR DIDN'T WRITE THAT. It was obviously me, Leia!

7.3. If you're doing this on purpose and hiding it behind your innocent farmboyishness, I'LL KILL YOU. I'll kill you until you're dead.

7.4. STOP BOWING STOP

8. Don't work on the Falcon unsupervised.

8.1. Me being in the general area isn't supervision.

8.2. Me being near you but working on a different part isn't supervision.

8.3. Apparently me looking over your shoulder isn't supervision either. Just don't do it, kid.

9. Cub. You are very small in comparison to other humans. If you are having trouble hunting I can do it for you.

9.1. Apologies. Han reminded me that you are an adult by the standards of your species. I travel with him and I am often confused that he is an adult. You understand.

9.2. No asking Chewie if his relationship with me is "kind of like adopting a tooka" for him. For one, no, and for two, everybody else already made that joke.

9.3. He is very much like a badly behaved tooka.

[katyspersonal]

Okay Queelign just gotten more interesting! So user @ereia-lune brought to my attention what Fire Knights really look like:

Very lanky build with arms going below the knees level, like Messmer's body, and red hair like his / curse of the Fire Giants! Like yeah I know I've written like cool analysis on the Fire Knights as characters but I didn't look at the close ups ( 😔 )

Lore says that Fire Knights continue to use Messmer's Fire incantations after his fire failed to find the purchase in them to still share their bond. So, their physical change is apparently result of like.. kinda consanguineal contract with Messmer but flames instead of blood? Or did he give his flames THROUGH blood? Who knows really gfhthc However, Queelign apparently was spared from it! His body type is neglectelable since he uses base NPC model, but making his hair not red is a very bold implication! Perhaps, him not having the red cape like other Fire Knights is also not just a design choice or just for better dexterity, then!

I wonder why he didn't have such contract.. All jokes about even his allies hating him aside, it might be because of him standing out in his fervor. Fire of Ruin (fire giants fire) is literally said to have been an anathema to the Erdtree and thus was the reason Marika wanted to kill it! So if Messmer carries it on, curse karma course of nature conditions of birth whatever is the reason, how would Queelign, THE Marika fanboy, would've reacted if he had a communion with Messmer only to find out that the force to "cleanse" the world of everything going against Marika/Erdtree originates from something that ALSO goes against them like nothing else? It might be not obvious until you sense it in your body, so sure he'd short-circuit upon such an Insight!

Maybe Messmer was willing to spare both Queelign and himself! Black Knight Andreas and his son Huw rebelled against Messmer after learning about his serpentine nature, but Messmer grieved loss of Huw as brother in arms. Maybe he is at the point mentally where he can't handle losing anymore friends, so he'd cherish each and every one even if that meant keeping some things to himself. And like I said before, Queelign feels very much like a window into Messmer's utmost, maybe long regretted and repressed feelings, he is like a little version of himself! He might be annoyed by it, but at the same time maybe wants to protect the absolutely pure, idealistic, puppy-eyed adoration of Marika and feeling like Queelign IS doing something sacred. If he realized the weapon to protect the Erdtree is in actuality the weapon to destroy it, that'd break him, but maybe Messmer wishes he himself didn't know that about his nature. And could still believe he is Marika's true blade. Why not keep Queelign out of it, if at least one of them can remain naive and love her so much and love their purpose so much?

At the same time, it is funny to think about how Queelign is SO absorbed in his purpose that he doesn't even notice he is not invited in the club! XD And whenever he tries to question it, other Fire Knights just go like 'uhhhh noooo you are imagining things..... :/' gfhgfnjn

_________

P.S.: A simpler explanation is probably that he is just new compared to other Fire Knights and is just yet to earn the proper initiation, .....

P.P.S.:

me: Damn Messmer and Queelign are so interesting and I hate it!!! Shipping material if only Messmer and Rellana weren't married XD

ppl who shipped Rykard and Ghiza: I smell stench of weakness?? 🤔

[angelltheninth]

Beetle Noises

Pairing: Jaime Reyes x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, annoying powers, teasing, blowjob, orgasm encouragement, being flustered, sweet!Jaime Reyes

Word count: 1k

Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters

Ao3

A/N: I watched the movie again last night. It's actually fun.

Jaime pulled out all the stops for your date night. Your favorite food, the candles, a cheesy romcom, with just a dash of it being spicy. A romantic evening away from all the superhero antics he's had to deal with since the Beetle latched onto his back. This night of peace was well deserved.

"A perfect romantic evening. What brought this on Jaime?" You nuzzled into his chest, enjoying the warmth of him.

"I don't need a special occasion to spend a lovely night with my favorite girl." You raised an eyebrow at him, "My mistake, my only girl." Jaime bent down to kiss your forehead right in time for you to fully look up and catch your lips instead. Not that you complained about it. It was an honest mistake.

"Damn right I'm your only girl." You weren't blind to the amount of fans he has so it was nice to hear he thinks so much of you. You kissed him back, feeling his soft lips on yours, tasting the sweetness of the cake you ate almost an hour ago. "Hey, did you know that chocolate is an aphrodisiac?" Jaime chuckled but didn't comment, "It makes people horny in certain quantities. But I have to admit, it's never done much for me."

"Me... neither? Thanks for the interesting fact by the way, I'll be sure to buy more chocolate in the future." Jaime wiggled his eyebrows as he pulled you closer.

"You don't need that. You're doing more then enough in that department." He grinned back at you and pulled closer, your knees touching as the kiss deepened. Your hand traced up to cup his smooth jaw, fingers brushing the slight beginnings of stubble.

Jaime's Beetle beeped right as you were planning to squirm your way onto his lap, "Huh? What are you on about now? Didn't I tell you to be quiet in times like this?" He turned his head over his shoulder and glared down at his back. The Beetle beeped again. "What?!" He looked at you, mouth agape, "How do you know that? No, don't tell me, I don't want to know. Keep that to yourself in the future okay. That's a new rule." Another, longer set of beeps was heard before complete silence.

"You two fight like siblings. It's cute."

"In what universe is it cute to have an alien superweapon stuck to your back?" The Beetle beeped again, and also did something that made Jaime jerk back in pain. "Shush you! Enough."

"Do I want to know?" Many of those conversations were of private nature, so you didn't want to get between your boyfriend and his alien companion. Their friendship was special, and you would make fun of him for it. Jaime looked away when you tried to meet his eyes, "Is it about me?" Bingo. He looked guilty, pressing himself against the couch cushions, away from you.

"It said... that it could sense your hormone levels. That you wish to engage in sexual intercourse with me." Called out by an alien robot weapon. That was a first for you. A shiver went down Jaime's spine, "And apparently I'm in the same boat."

You blinked and then felt yourself blushing as your eyes looked down and saw the bulge in his pants. They were on the comfy side, and yet they still tented.

Now you were the one pulling back to your side of the couch. "I didn't bring condoms for tonight. I didn't expect sex scenes in the movie, or that you'd go shirtless, again." It happened often since he became Blue Beetle. Especially on warm nights like this, it was the best solution to avoid the constant sounds in his head. "Jaime, this is all your fault if you really think about it." You pointed your finger at him in an accusatory manner.

Instead of looking guilty he grinned and surged forward, his mouth wrapping around your finger. You gasped and as soon as you pulled away he grabbed your hand, "It's not my fault I'm hot. You're the one who constantly has her mind in the gutter. If little scenes like the ones in the movie get you horny I can't imagine what you'd do if I did this." Your hips bucked towards his hand as soon as you felt it over your pants. "We don't have condoms, but we would do other things?" He sounded hopeful and how could you say no when he looked at you with those big eyes, and his damn cock reacting to you brushing your leg against it?

"Take these off me. Please, I think they're already ruined." You confessed with no small amount of shame.

There was no care of faience in the way your clothes came off, you wanted to feel each other close. Not much space on the couch, but you could still make it work, with your pussy in his face and his cock right below your wanting mouth.

Jaime made sure to put a soft pillow under his back so he wasn't uncomfortable. "Dipping all over my face already." That wasn't a complaint, as you found out moments later when his fingers pushed inside your pussyhole, "Ease up, there's no cum to get from these." You clenched around them anyway, hips pushing down on them to feel them to the last knuckle.

"No but I can suck it from here." Your tongue circled around the bulbus angry head of his cock, feeling it twitch around the base where your hand gripped him. The first inch you didn't move your tongue at all, enjoying the way Jaime's cock pulsed in your mouth. "Come in my mouth. I want to taste you."

He can't say no when you ask it like that, with your whole mouth bobbing up and down his cock, choking when you bottom out on it. Picking up the pace he fingered you quickly, to the third knuckle every time so every inch of his fingers felt your pussy twitching around them. Jaime pushed down on the couch a little, his tongue flicking over your clit at a better angle. It was better for you to, his slightly curved cock sliding deeper down your throat.

Good thing you already ate because Jaime's cum completely flooded your throat moments later.

[marlynnofmany]

The Indignity that is Hiccups

I leaned against the broom and yawned, tired in more ways than one. The mess in the storage hold was going to take a while to clean. And just because the universe has ironic timing, I hiccupped while my mouth was wide open. It echoed off the metal walls. Luckily for me, none of my alien crewmates were there to hear it. 

Or so I thought. A bundle of tentacles and a curious squid face peered around the doorway. 

I sighed, hiccuping again. “Yes it’s me; no I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Mur eased into the room, stepping carefully around the snowdrifts of flour from where a storage crate had broken. “Why are you making that kind of noise on accident?” He was carrying a bundle of something wrapped up in one tentacle, but seemed more interested in conversation than in whatever that was.

“It’s called hiccups,” I said. “I suppose it’s too much to hope that other species have to deal with this to-o?” As much as I tried to get the sentence out smoothly, I was betrayed at the end.

“None that I know of. So what is it? Some kind of compulsion?”

“No, nothing like that.” I went back to sweeping with irritated strokes of the broom. “It’s a muscle spasm that’s never been fully explained. It usually goes away pretty quickly for me, but it’s annoying. Much like this flour.”

“I bet,” Mur said, looking around the room. He uncurled his tentacle. “I brought batteries for the big gravity wand.”

“Oh, Paint just went to get some! Thank you. She’ll be back soon.”

“Good,” Mur said, wiping at the flour dust that was already settling on him. “Ugh, this is unpleasant.”

“Sure i-is,” I hiccuped, followed by an exasperated noise. “At least I don’t get acid reflux with the hiccups. Small mercies.”

Mur asked, “Get what?” as Paint arrived, wielding the big gravity wand like a broadsword.

“Stand back! Oh, hi Mur. These batteries are only half charged, so I’m going to clean as fast as I can!” As short as she was, she looked like a scaly child waving a grownup weapon that she had no business using. Which wasn’t entirely wrong.

“I am standing ba-ack,” I announced, taking my broom to the doorway where the air was clearer.

Paint gave me a sideways look, finger hesitating over the power button.

I sighed and brushed flour dust off my sleeve. “It’s a stupid human thing.”

“Muscle spasms,” Mur put in helpfully. “Apparently sometimes they come with acid?”

“With what?” Paint demanded.

“Not like that,” I hurried to clarify. “Some people get stomach acid splashing up their throat, just enough to hurt.”

“That’s terrible,” Paint said, concern all over her scaly orange face. “What causes it?”

“No one’s really sure. My favorite theory is that it’s evolutionary history, our brains trying to breathe with gills, but—” I paused for another hiccup. “—Pretty sure that’s not actually it.”

“Wild,” Mur said. “Here, Paint; I brought fresh batteries.”

“Oh, thank you! No wonder I couldn’t find them.”

That would have been a great time for the hiccups to stop, while the conversation had moved on, but no such luck. I leaned against the door frame and tried to breathe evenly.

Paint juggled batteries, finally setting the gravity wand on the floor to swap them out properly. After another loud hiccup, she asked, “What makes the muscle spasms go away?”

“They usually do on their own,” I said. “Some people get them for a long time, but I’ve been pretty lu-ucky.”

“Sure,” Mur said, picking up the old batteries. “Lucky.”

Paint stood back up. “Nothing makes them calm down faster?”

“There are a few things,” I admitted. “Mostly stuff to distract the person from paying attention to them, really. Drink water from the far side of a cup, get startled by something, hold your breath a long time. I usually just take a lot of deep breaths, and they go aw-ay.” I grimaced. “Not today, apparently.”

Something hard closed around both shoulders and yanked me backward into the hallway, to where open mandibles hissed in my face, surrounded by shiny black exoskeleton and terrifying faceted eyes.

“Ahhh! Good gods, Trrili!” I stumbled upright, gasping for breath as she released me with far too much smugness.

“You arrrre welcome,” Trrili purred. “Wasss that enough of a ssstarrrtle, orrr ssshould I find a nice hiding placcce to jump out frrrom?”

“I’m good; thanks!” I said. My heart was beating dangerously fast, but the hiccups were long gone.

“Hm. Disappointing,” Trrili said, dropping the hiss. “Let me know if you require further medicinal terror.” Then she glided off down the hallway on many quiet bug legs.

I shuddered a little. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll do that.”

Paint was wide-eyed, crouched to pick up the gravity wand where she’d dropped it. I’d dropped the broom too, and I hadn’t heard either of them fall. The batteries had fallen out again.

Paint asked, “Are you going to tell her next time you have those spasms?”

“Ha! No, I don’t think I will.”

“I might,” Mur said with a grin.

“Hey now,” I said sternly, bending to pick up the broom. “Don’t make me sweep flour on you.”

He laughed and danced out of range, and the three of us got back to work cleaning up with nary a hiccup.

I did sneeze at the dust, which started a whole other conversation, but at least they knew what those were.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

[happylittleshrub]

I finally started playing the 2021 Guardians of the Galaxy game! It's so much fun! Rambling about Rocket below

Ok so he seems to use macabre humor to cover his pain. In the Quarantine Zone he remarks that if he hadn’t escaped we would probably be walking over bits of him right then. Like dude, that’s so morbid don’t say that 💀His past very clearly still bothers him, why wouldn’t it it was horrible, but he tries to brush it off or seem casual about it to hide his vulnerability. I did love when we first arrived and Rocket was geeking out about all the ships and weapons that were there, he’s such a little nerd ❤️❤️❤️

I liked when he told Quill to stop the fake techno babble “Don’t make up tech stuff, it’s annoying.” 🤣 He also chastised me when I went down the wrong path, but going off the beaten path is how you find collectibles, Rocket! It’s like he’s never played a videogame before smh my head. Btw as someone who grew up watching Pokemon I was simply delighted that our group was called Team Rocket lol My immediate response was TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION! And I kept making jokes to myself about how the monster we were gonna capture was Pikachu, I had way too much fun with that 😂

I love that Rocket’s the one who upgrades your weapons! It makes me so happy to go to him and get a tech upgrade, I’m always so giddy and afterwards I’m like ‘Thank you, Rocket’ ❤️🥰🥹✨💖 And when he does it he wears his goggles 🥺❤️

I’m most familiar with MCU Rocket who only gave bits of backstory when very drunk so I was surprised when Rocket in the game was more open to talking about it. I found the spinal control unit so I was able to get some further details from him, and all of them were sad :( RIP Lylla again she can never catch a break. His story about being controlled and doing things against his own will and all he could was watch like his own body was a prison was gutting. I wish there was a ‘hug Rocket’ button because man 😭

When they were debating about who would get sold to Lady Hellbender I wanted to step in to defend Rocket when he accepted being a monster the way he defended Groot but I wasn’t given that option >:( 

(I got an interaction later on between Quill and Groot where he tells Groot he thinks he’s awesome and reassures him that doesn’t see him as a monster and I did really like that! It makes me wonder if there’s a similar interaction with Rocket if you choose to sell him.) 

Also Rocket’s friendship with Groot is so cute! It’s so obvious how much he cares for him 🥺I love that he has a little Groot bead in his beard too.

Of course I stopped Drax from tossing Rocket across the ravine. I saw clips of it online and while admittedly it is kinda funny I could never do that to him 😞 It wasn’t even that hard to find an alternate way across. The worst part of the level was watching Rocket drown in jello over and over again because I kept failing the quicktime event 😭 That’s apparently a common issue though because I looked up a tutorial for it and everyone in the comments was complaining about how they ran into the same problem. I’m so sorry Rocket 😢 Once we got out of the stupid jello Groot cradled Rocket like a baby 🥺 Their friendship is the frickin’ cutest I love it so much. Speaking of Groot though his arms were free so he totally could’ve pulled us out of the jello but whatever 

Okay one more thing when Rocket is assuring Groot he’ll break him out of Lady Hellbender’s fortress and he says, “I’ll do it Rocket-style if I have to.” And he gives him a little wink! Ugh I love him so much!!! ❤️ So yeah looking forward to continuing my adventure with him (and the other Guardians too lol) I’ll make another post once I progress further in the game 🙂

[stoic--rose]

over the last two weeks or so ive played through earthbound two and a half times, and mother 1 three times. replaying both back to back repeatedly has made me realize a lot of things

1.) mother 1 is a LOT more open in what it lets you do, where it lets you go, and when. once you open up the train tracks, you're free to go do the rest of the game in pretty much any order you want. hell, you can make it all the way to R7038xx without ever getting a single melody, which i find to be pretty interesting. not only that, but you dont even need to get most of the party members. strictly speaking, the only one you truly need to get is Loid, and that's just to get rid of the rock on the train tracks. and even then, with the use of an exploit i found out about only a few days ago, you can get rid of him and go fight giygas by yourself, which is pretty funny.

2.) mother 1+2 is like, wicked impressive. nevermind the fact that they crammed earthbound onto the gba, they also packaged it with mother 1 as well, and they're both the full games. it ain't no rayman advance kinda deal either where it's a super botched port, like it's a perfectly valid way to play both games, and some people even prefer the gba version of mother 1 since it makes a couple of quality of life improvements. not to mention, they rebuilt both games from the ground up, it's not like they could emulate snes on gba. (i mean, you can emulate NES apparently, since there's that nes classic line of games for the gba, but... this is cooler.) the sound department could... definitely use some work, and the colors look pretty washed out, but there are patches to fix the colors, and if you're playing the game on a real gameboy, i think the sound is the last thing you'd be concerned about. also, apparently some people took the time to apply the earthbound script to the mother 2 half of mother 1+2, and even reprogrammed the text system to have the original fonts and make it non-monospace, which is SUPER impressive. for my second playthrough of earthbound i played it with the new fantran patch, and it's pretty damn slick.

3.) man, fuck the sword of kings. i realized very recently that i'd never fully committed to the sword of kings grind, and decided that this would finally be the time i claim my birth right as a mother fan and do it. and like, it SUCKS. i mean, to begin, yes it's annoying that it's a 1/128 chance, but it goes deeper than that. the fact that it's only dropped by an enemy that you can potentially never see again, and it's the ONLY item poo can equip as a weapon is pretty fucked up. not to mention, the other enemies that they put in the starman base just absolutely suck, i hate the nuclear power robots so much. they made the grind WAY more painful than it already would have been otherwise. at the very least, i find it to be very gracious that jeff's spy command has the secondary effect of letting you steal whatever item an enemy would have dropped mid battle, just so it doesn't get overwritten by another enemy drop, which by the way YES that can happen, and YES i had it happen to me. it sucks ass. and the worst part is, the sword of kings isn't even that good!! and neither is poo on a gameplay level! you get the guy way later than any other party member, he has all these little catches like not being able to eat american food or equip anything but the kingly items, he gets taken away from you almost immediately after you get him, he just feels really weird. starstorm is pretty cool, but you only get the omega version right before the final area, and you can only use it on the handful of encounters you get there since you can't really use it in the final boss. (i mean technically you can use it in the first phase, if you want to get a biblical reflected beatdown when it hits both pokey and giygas) idk, the guy just isn't all that useful, and it's unfortunate since i really like him on a design level.

i have more words i want to say but honestly i might save them for an entry on my website instead since im very close to the tumblr word limit rn

[joeloverture]

ok, more on this because apparently i have to say all of this. if responding to it makes the hate worse i honestly could not give less of a fuck about it than i already do. i am here to express myself so u best believe that is what my ass will be doing!!

this is gonna be a bit long and a bit winded bc ive been keeping this close to my chest for a while.

i genuinely don't fucking write for an audience. if i was writing for an audience you'd have never seen me post fair's fair. you'd have never seen me writing flesh currency! i write what i want. when i'm horny. when i want to make other people horny (i guess?). when i feel like it. when im healthy enough to do it.

no my fics are not the magnum opus. no they arent being strung up in the goddamn louvre. that isnt what im trying to do. i juice joy out of my fanfic writing and am KIND enough to put it on the internet for others to enjoy if they so wish. nobody is holding you at gunpoint to read my "shit writing".

fanfic writers either dont post enough or they post too much you really, really gotta pick one.

i spent like 5 months on hiatus in debilitating pain and was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks out of those months. i couldnt even write a goddamn diary entry. you have no idea how happy i am to have my creative voice back.

its... my winter break. of fucking course im writing lol i dont have anything else to do!!!! there's nothing else id rather be doing because i actually like this!

id rather write as a hobby than crank out anon hate, personally. maybe that's a me issue?

then, a bit more on identity and the role of identity in all of this

ive had to start counting the amount of anons i get with hateful slurs in them. since coming back i've been called the r slur. the f slur. the c slur. the b slur. everything in the fucking book. not only is it uncreative, its regressive.

y'all either dont like me because im annoying or blatantly showing autistic traits or outspoken abt being marginalized or bc you dislike my writing or because you have absolutely nothing better to do (the latter of which is particularly pathetic)

regardless you are weaponizing my identity to either try to terrorize me in general or drive me off of this site. think about how weird that is.

also so many of these asks are laden with an undercurrent of ableism. like, oh my god, the disabled girl is posting a lot ! woah! holy shit! call the fucking news outlets!

oh my god, the disabled girl is showing autism traits on main!!!! should we call autism speaks? should we invite sia?

this isnt even me defending myself, i feel no obligation to defend myself against these fuckers. i just did want to arrange my thoughts for the dash. sometimes talking helps me compose that sort of thing.

[emo-trash101]

hello !! could you write like a nico di angelo fic, where he has a sibling that acts somewhat but a lot like percy?

:3c

Ofc!! I'm so excited for the PJO requests (I may or may not have been overly excited to write this one)

Don't Do That!

Nico di Angelo x Sibling! Reader

Platonic

Word count: 526

Pronouns: second person

Tw: Stupidity

Of course you and your (older?) brother got along well, I mean you're both kids of Hades, so what all could really be that different? Well a lot apparently.

See you had this lovely lovely tendency to disappear from well, everyone, and then end up in some stupid situation. Whether it be an argument with the sassiest nymph, or a battle with a freshly alive monster who has a bone to pick, or just stuck on a nearby roof that you have no way to get down from. You always just ended up in the worst situations in the strangest ways.

This time though, it was very obvious it was the second one. As you hobbled back to your cabin, you know that you should be worried about your wounds, or maybe even what the other campers think, but all you care about is how annoyed your brother was going to be. If he was even there.

Regardless, you slowly open the door, wincing at the contact of the dry and sanded wood with your scrapes. The door opens up to a somewhat less lit area compared to the dark night. But you still slowly limp to your bed, collapsing down onto the soft mattress that brings you an uncanny comfort.

"What did you do this time." You hear come from the dark abyss surrounding you, and usually you would flinch or maybe even grab out your weapon, but you were used to this. You slowly say up to face him, Nico Di Angelo, your brother. "Oh nothing much just ran into you know..." You say, mumbling the name of the monster you were fighting today.

"I don't know actually, why don't you tell me." He says, his voice sounding just as usually stern as it does when this happens. You can hear the unclipping of the first aid kit that was so graciously gifted to you from Will. "Just you know, a Dracaenae..." You say, flinching partially from the pain of the hydrogen peroxide hitting your cuts and the incoming reaction from Nico. However this time all you hear is a huff of annoyance and the opening of bandages.

"...Did you win?" He asks quietly, "Cause if you didn't we need to warn the campers to be careful if they leave camp.". You sit there silently for a minute, recounting the way that she turned into dust, and the way you almost collapsed from exhaustion. "Uh yeah, she did the dust explody thing." You say, softly kicking your legs like a little child does. You watch Nico close the first aid kit and then turn back around to face you. Before you really know it, his arms are wrapped around you, and a sigh of relief comes from him. "Thanks, for being okay." He says before pulling away and sitting down on his own bunk, doing whatever he decides was important.

As your head hits your pillow and the exhaustion truly arises, you can't help but feel appreciation from your brother. You know he cares, even if he shows it in his own fear-ridden way. And if you're being honest, that's all you really need from him.

Guys I'm so glad to be back to being able to write and post for y'all again, anyways I hope that you all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Remember to drink water and eat something today :)

[suzukiblu]

who is match?

That . . . is a slightly complicated question, friend, because he keeps getting either retconned or getting given VERY alternate origins, hah. When I'M talking about him, I'm usually talking about specifically this version:

THAT Match is the OG version from the nineties, who was created by the Agenda as a clone of Superboy and meant to be the first draft/test run of a line of metahuman clone soldiers they wanted to produce to, like, sell to the highest bidder. He's an asshole who insists that he has no free will and therefore can't be enslaved while VERY CLEARLY BEING A PERSON WITH FREE WILL WHO IS BEING ENSLAVED, and the Agenda mostly trots him out to pretend to be Superboy and fuck with Project Cadmus or the superhero community in general or just try to murder Superboy/Young Justice/whoever they're annoyed with this week, I guess. His whole thing is he's better-educated than Superboy and knows more about literally everything but especially how their powers work, because he got the full education uploads (AND THE FULL INDOCTRINATION UPLOADS, JUST SAYIN') while Superboy got yanked out of his own cloning tube early and saved from . . . well, at least SOME of the mind control that Cadmus was gonna stuff in his head. SOME of it.

( goddammit, Lex )

This Match considers Superboy obsolete and himself as a better, updated version of their design, and again, is way better-educated and better with their powers. He is also way less creative and self-motivated, however, which tends to bite him in the ass when Superboy decides to get batshit in their fights. Like, that's generally how Superboy beats him, when he does: he just does something absolutely fucking STUPID and it works because Match is thinking "no one would actually be that stupid--oh my GOD how are you THIS STUPID?!?!"

Later on for no apparent reason they decided to have him genetically degrade and go Bizarro in Teen Titans, which annoyed the fuck out of me because it's actually the literal worst possible thing you could do to a character who prides themselves on being an improved design and more intelligent than their rival/enemy/foil, but like . . . the narrative was not really examining that, from what I know of it, the narrative was just "oh Bizarro Superboy is here to upset/freak out everybody while Kon is dead and also now he's being mind-controlled by an asshole and the good guys are . . . fine with that? for some reason??" and just . . . sigh. SIGH. And then he gets fucking murdered and used for scrap parts to make MORE Superboy clones, which oh my god, fucking horrifying TOO and YET . . .

Though apparently in Rebirth, he's alive again and they've semi-redone his origin and made him a clone of Superboy that Amanda Waller has inexplicably managed to produce and even more inexplicably somehow uploaded all of Kon's memories into? Somehow?? And is forcing to work on the Suicide Squad for her, because fuck Amanda Waller, jfc. And for a while in there he thought he WAS Kon, because like, how the fuck would he have known different. So that was fun for him to find out about, I guess! Especially because he ALSO started to Bizarro-degenerate about five seconds into that particular realization.

FYI KON HAS TRIED TO SAVE THIS BOY SO MANY TIMES AND IT HAS NEVER WORKED. NEVER. IT KILLS ME.

Also he seems to have inherited Kon's thing for older women along with his presumable memories, cough cough cough.

And ALSO there's a version of Match in Young Justice Animated who is actually OLDER than Conner, because he was directly cloned from purely Kryptonian DNA and then failed as a weapon because he wasn't controllable, and Project Kr was created as a hybridized clone after he became too unmanageable to use. He's apparently just full-stop psychotically violent due to shitty mental conditioning and instability in his Kryptonian DNA, and very much unbalanced, which is waaaaay different than the more calculating and educated version we first got in the comics.

It actually low-key makes me insane that they apparently just decided to make a character who was all uncontrollable violence and rage and just, like . . . never revisit him or actually HELP him despite the fact that he is EXPLICITLY both mentally AND physically compromised and therefore can't really be considered to be, you know, an informed asshole making informed asshole decisions any more than Conner was when his pod first got cracked. Project Match is a fucking baby who's had a very shit excuse for a "life" and has been CONDITIONED to respond violently AND is effectively suffering from a genetic disorder, but we're just gonna . . . ignore that, I guess . . . and punish him for it? I guess?? For being how he was made and not having the mental capacity to figure out how to be anything else in the, like, thirty fucking seconds of actual consciousness the series allows him??

And I am just not gonna talk about what they did to him in the tie-in comic, hahaha. FUCK that tie-in comic.

( one day I will write fix-it fic for you, YJ Animated Match. one day. I AM COMING FOR YOU. BE STRONG. )

[sealofarchives]

Misc mini-oneshot 1 (Mainly platonic)

Warnings: None

A/N: I didn't make any edits so if some of the dialogue feels wonky (I had to deal with some annoying real life stuff which sort of influenced to writing this)

This is probably shorter than what I usually write so, I don't want to jinx myself with other stuff while I'm busy with classes

The three turtles hovered over the softshell turtle's shoulders as Donnie looked over (Y/N)'s new phone and the phone case covering it.

"For something that's supposed to protect the phone, Raph doesn't get why it has to be close to 50 bucks..."

"Its mainly because of the phone case, also acting as a charging system for some wireless ports."

"I still don't believe its quote on quote 'made of recyclable material' from what the packaging box says."

Donnie hands back your phone to you as you sighed.

"I kind of got rushed to pick a case because apparently there's also a difference between the regular and pro versions."

"I didn't want to stick with a bland basic color one but, the other options were either really tacky stuff. Or just random flower decorations."

"I think the flowers look really nice!"

"We could surprise you with a different phone case for your birthday!"

You smiled back at Mikey as his brothers were slightly humored at the idea.

"No offense, still insane that you went a week and four days only using it for assignments."

"And when you spent an entire Sunday waiting on a replacement battery from the store. Only for it to be a waste of time, realizing how old the phone really is."

You winced looking at the new phone just as Raph lightly smacked Leo's forehead from his comment.

"The old phone was a gift from one of my aunts but, since it takes like an hour to get there. Including her being busy with work, where it took until this Monday where she finally got the transfer pin..."

"I don't want to drive the same bad luck at Donnie."

"I dunno you were pretty lucky that your teacher got your email about the sudden situation. And she didn't mind the small updates in case the phone battery got in the way of your assignments."

"Also you got to see an old favorite character of yours from an unexpecting place regarding this year's halloween theme."

"Donnie would have gone into mad scientist mode if he got stuck with the situation you were in."

Donnie furrowed his brows at the box shell turtle in annoyance as you quickly changed the subject.

"Part of me was kind of stubborn not wanting to start fresh with the new phone."

"Like I was realizing how much I saved a lot of goofy photos of stuff I like and eventually..."

"The good times we have hanging out together."

"I might have gone on my parents' nerves about it but, I don't regret making that decision. Even if it felt like a witch cursed me with the worst tech issues."

Gentle smiles brightened the lair as Donnie scoffed.

"A cybernetic witch is nothing compared to my superb tech ninpo!"

"She could not handle the arsensal of various weapons aimed at her or making the worst mistake of picking on (Y/N)!"

"Mikey was right about the mad scientist part, just under a different context."

Donnie then proceeded to chase after his siblings as Raph saw a glance of your phone's screen.

The alligator snapping turtle grinning at the same photo that finally made you part of their chaotic friend group. Almost squished together in a group hug with April but, you hugging back at them.

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.4 because I'm addicted to making these (the link I used)

*Sam is reading a Clifford The Big Red Dog book* Luke, watching: How did he get to be so big? Do they ever explain that? Sam: Well, Emily’s love for him grew, and so did he. Luke: Well, your dog is pretty small. Guess that says something about you, huh? Sam, angrily shutting his book: YOU’RE SMALL! WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?!?! AJ: Hey, Tom? Tom: Yeah? AJ: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Tom: Tom: Where’s Luke?

Sam: You know what the problem is? Your really cute, so no one ever told you to shut your pie-hole. Luke: You think I’m cute? Sam: SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE! AJ: I am an expert at identifying birds. Tom: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? AJ: Yeah, they're all birds. Luke: What are you guys playing? AJ: Go Fish. Luke: That’s a nice, safe game. Luke: But don’t you need cards? AJ: Where do you keep the spear gun? Sam: I regret nothing!!! Tom: I regret everything!!! Luke: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say! AJ: You should say something else. Sam: I failed my safety training course today. Tom: Why, what happened? Sam: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?" Tom: And? Sam: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer. Luke: But what about AJ? Sam: Don't worry about him. Sam: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened. Luke: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Tom periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’ Luke: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going. Tom: That sounds like a terrible plan. Sam: Oh, we've had worse. AJ: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism. Luke: And you came to me? AJ: So, I've been thinking Tom- Tom: That's dangerous. Sam: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! Luke: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? Luke: Somehow that's worse. *AJ is crying after a breakup* Luke: There there, AJ. AJ, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room? Luke: Great question— Tom: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens." Tom: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? Tom: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me. Tom: *looks at AJ* Tom: Baby boy. Baby. Tom: *looks at Sam* Tom: Evil. (Luke is somehow both at the same time) Sam: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits. AJ: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar? Sam: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it. AJ: One time I went to hand Sam a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.” Tom: I am in charge of this disaster! AJ: I have a name, you know. Tom: Luke, Sam, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Sam, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Luke is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Luke: I love you too :) Tom: Do you know a turtles only weakness? AJ: No...well, their slowness. Tom: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs. Tom: Now I have a plan. Tom: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable. Sam, talking about Luke: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO. AJ: What are you writing? Sam: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information. Tom, looking over Sam's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy. AJ: I was voted “friendliest classmate” in high school. Sam: I was voted “most likely to become a clown”... Luke: You think that’s bad? HA! I was voted “most likely to get rabies”! AJ: Sam won’t come out of their room! Tom: Just tell them I said something. AJ: Like what? Tom: Anything factually incorrect. AJ, shrugging: If you say so. Sam, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

[azrielsshadows42]

A Court of Scales and Fire V

This is my submission for @erisweekofficial, day 7: free, I'm hoping this will help get my story out there. btw, you cannot read this as a stand alone it will not make sense.

Chapter 4 Character Moodboards

A/N: The dividers are made by @tsunami-of-tears , and comment 🐆 if you got the Kipo reference

Warnings: Swearing, No misogynistic Illyrian lords were harmed in the making of this chapter (unfortunately)

Both = Mind speak (Colour will vary depending on who is speaking)

Bold = Ancient Language

Italics = Thoughts

Word count: 3.2k

Rhysand's Pov

We sat there studying each other for a moment in silence. Ever since both ends of our bargain had been held up, Eris never visited the Night Court, he wasn't welcome here. Just because our courts were allies, for the benefit of the Autumn people, did not mean we suddenly liked each other, and it certainly gave him no authority to waltz into MY home, unannounced.

"What do you want, Eris?" My voice was cold, as it always was during official High Lord correspondence. His eyes regarded me with indifference, and he raised a goblet of wine to his lips, painfully slowly. I somehow had a feeling he did that just to grate on my nerves.

"I would have thought that brute of yours would have told you" He drawled. "While Under the Mountain, we were attacked by a witch who, as I understand is now under your roof, you wouldn't happen to know her, would you?" Eris took another slow drink from his glass, my eyes narrowed, sharp enough to cut through his mental barriers if I wanted. "Are you suggesting that I planted the female there?"

"Well, it is rather suspicious you learned of it and dispatched one of your dogs at the same time I did, especially considering how much farther the Night Court is from the place of incidence." His know-it-all tone annoyed me beyond belief, but I managed to speak my next words with the same cool indifference as the rest of this discussion. "We did not know her prior to the events of yesterday"

"Really? I could have sworn I heard her and your general talking earlier, they seemed pretty comfortable, has he tired of Nesta already? Typical of Illyrians." I failed to keep the rage out of my eyes, the anger out of my voice. "If there is nothing else you're here for, High Lord" The title was spat out like an insult "Then leave, now"

"Actually, Rhysand, there is" The words were spoken with a thoughtfulness that didn't match the fae speaking them. I did not say anything, did not deign him with a response, my silence was his invitation to elaborate.

"Recently my guards have found traces of people passing through Autumn with our regular traders, People I have not permitted, carrying with them something unfamiliar, and certainly not from any of the seven courts, nor the human lands as well as a mysterious break in the trees, perhaps your new little witch friend has something to do with it"

I considered that this might be true, though whether this female was a witch or if that was just another thing Eris assumed about her was unclear, although I also considered that these strange occurrences might be caused by the apparent weapon smuggler's Y/n told us of, in which case she is telling the truth, at least about this.

"We shall keep a close eye on her, in the meantime, she is innocent until proven guilty, and she is under the protection of the Night Court, so I believe it is time for you to take your leave" I stated it with finality in my voice that left no room for him to argue. The new Autumn High Lord huffs slightly in displeasure, but makes no retort, winnowing back to his Court without any further fuss, merely saying: "I will be back tomorrow".

I really hope I don't regret this.

The next morning - Y/n's Pov

It was early, the sun hadn't even crested over the mountain yet, Y/n was still in her guest silk night gown. She sat atop the massive bed, Everest in her lap. "Ok, granted, we haven't gotten anywhere with our mission" Her long leafy tail flicked a piece of lint off her knee, very pretentiously, in Y/n's opinion. "Told you." She would have retorted, but they both heard footsteps, judging by the length between each sound and how deep it was, she guessed it was Cassian. "Hide"

Y/n scrambled to the top and threw the linens over herself while Everest shrunk further to the size of a large mouse and crawled under the bed. The footsteps stopped right outside the door, then they were violently flung open. "Gooooood morning!" Cassian's booming voice sounded out into the room with a sing-song aspect to it. "Time to get up sleepy head" While yes, she was already awake, it was four-thirty in the morning, what the hell was he talking about?

"It's too early to be awake" came her grumbled response, she made sure her voice was deeper and slightly rasped. "You said you wanted to go to Illyria, right?" There was a pause in which she used to process what he had just said. "Really?" she questioned.

Cassian's grin brightened; he is way to energetic right now. What the hell does he put in his coffee, cause whatever it is, he needs to share, I need some of that too. "Really, but only if you get up now." His hazel eyes looked at me expectantly. Y/n looked back at him, lips thinned. "Well, are you going to leave so I can change?" That seemed to snap him out of it. "OH, right, right, yes, I'll leave." He bolted out, closing the door behind him.

Once they knew Cassian was out of earshot, Everest climbed back on to the bed giving Y/n the sassiest, most flat look a dragon could. "Illyria, really?" "What? I'm curious!" She rolled her emerald eyes.

"And what am I to do while you're out galivanting?" Y/n stood up from the bed, taking off her sleepwear and replacing it with her undergarments and armour. "Have you found a princess to torment yet?" Everest's head whirled around so fast she worried she might snap her own neck. "I will bite you." hissed Everest.

"Right, cause you've never bitten me before, I'll be in true agony, such unexpected pain" Y/n's words oozed sarcasm. Everest huffed, turned toward the open pavilion and flew out over Velaris, but not before throwing one last glare at Y/n, just for good measure.

Y/n put her hair up in a simple braided updo before exiting the bedroom. She grabs one of the sandwiches the house put on the table as she walked past and into the training room, where she assumed Cassian would be. Y/n was proven right when lo and behold, there stood the Night Courts general, next to their emissary, Mor. "Greetings, and salutations" she said cheerily, Cassian matched her energy while Mor appeared as if she would fall over any second. Someone clearly had not yet woken up. Y/n clapped my hands together "So, how are we getting there?"

"The lovely Morrigan will be winnowing us" Her eyes trailed the females tired form sceptically. "Does 'The Lovely Morrigan' know that?" Mor was now leaning almost all her body weight on Cassian. "Yeah, I asked her yesterday" She let out a grumble, opening her eyes a bit more while pushing off of Cassian. "You failed to mention that I needed to do it at four-thirty" He feigned confusion "Did I? Huh, must've slipped my mind, and technically, it's five now" This, unsurprisingly, didn't improve Mor's mood.

"Just get over here so I can go back to bed" They stepped closer to her, each putting a hand on her shoulder, the world warped, twisting and turning once more until they were on a snowy peak. The second they got there, Mor shook their hands off her, and winnowed back before they could thank her. It was not long after that the cold penetrated Y/n's armour. She shivered, and goose bumps rose on her skin under her sleeves.

"Not used to the cold?" She had been in plenty of cold places before, but usually Everest would be there to warm her up, always blocking the wind so she never felt it. "No, I'm fine with the cold, I just never knew this place warranted the use of igloos" Cassian laughed uproariously. "It's not that cold, if you want igloos, you'll find them in Winter" Y/n watched as their breath plumed out in front of them. "We'll agree to disagree"

Snow crunched ahead of them, Y/n could see three winged figures, one in front, the others trailing a few paces behind. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't like the vibe they gave off, and the middle one looked very punch-able. "Lord Devlon" Cassian said in greeting.

"Cassian" His eyes roamed over Y/n in distaste. "Have you brought another witch here?" She didn't know who this Devlon was talking about, or if Cassian had actually brought a witch here, but she decided if she was only going to be here once, then she'd have as much fun with it as she could.

"No, this time he got the witches mentor" Y/n grinned evilly at them. Panic flashed across Devlon's face, though he tried to conceal it. His companions however, made no such attempt. She could hear Cassian mutter under his breath saying "You and Nesta both" with an exasperated look and shook his head. Oh, so Nesta was the 'Witch' he'd brought last time, I should've guessed.

"She is here to learn, just like Nesta was" Devlon's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed and just a general air of supreme asshole about him. "No."

"We weren't asking" Cassian replies, with an edge to his voice. "I will not have you bring more disgrace to this camp" He sniped sharply. It was then, that Y/n stepped forward, her eyes dark, menace in every move she took. "Oh really, is that so?" To intimidate them, she started chanting in the ancient language of the dragon riders known as Draconic.

"Feta, Gouda, Chevre, Fromage"

The two lackies pulled their weapons as she made the marks around her eyes glow, Devlon's face revealed the fear he felt in that moment, even Cassian looked at her unsurely. "Stop, STOP IT THIS INSTANT" Y/n only chanted louder.

"FETA, GOUDA, CHEVRE, FROMAGE"

"Alright, alright, enough, you can train here, just stop your curses." The glowing faded and she plastered a sickly-sweet smile on her face watching Lord Devlon heave breath after breath. "Lovely, thank you so much for your generous hospitality"

Cassian's Pov

I was starting to think that maybe Eris wasn't entirely wrong about Y/n being a witch. I have never heard a language like that, and her face glowed, at least, some of it. And it has been officially confirmed that her and Nesta would get along swell. All she needs is a smut book in front of her and they're practically twins.

We walked through the camp, snow crunching beneath us, I could tell the cold was starting to get to her. I guided her past the buildings, pointing out certain shops, explaining anything she questioned. "Why was Devlon so pissy about me coming here? I mean, I get the whole 'No outsider's' thing, but it almost seemed personal.

"I'm not regarded very highly here, anyone I bring, he would immediately hate. I already brought Nesta here and she also said she was a witch, you can imagine how well that went over. And finally, you're another female I have brought to train, he doesn't want to lose more weapons. There is a superstition here that if a female touches a weapon, it will bring bad luck to the wielder" I winced, this was the part of Illyrian heritage I wished I could erase, it was silly, but mostly, I worried it would deter Y/n, make her want to leave.

To my surprise, she laughed. "Then my blades must be double cursed, they were forged by a female too" I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "They would lose their shit if you ever told them that"

We only stopped once we got to the furthest training ring in the camp, just in case she did anymore witch-stuff. "What exactly did you do back there?" Her brows pulled together in confusion, so I elaborated. "The chanting and the glowing eyes?"

"Oh, that was nothing" My eyes told her that was not enough of an answer. "I just said a bunch of words from a language we are taught when becoming trackers, and the marks on my face can glow when I tell them to, apparently it's got something to do with a survival tool that we no longer need, but still have the feature. If Lord misogyny is just gonna assume I'm a witch, I might as well have some fun with it."

As if Devlon didn't hate me enough, he gave me plenty of shit about bringing Nesta before even knowing she's not a witch. However there will be no way to convince him otherwise after that little stunt Y/n pulled.

"Are you ready for some real Illyrian training?" I asked as a challenge. She unsheathed her blades, spinning them around herself elaborately for show before crouching in a fighting stance, prepared to leap.

"Ready"

Eris's Pov

I was back at the house of wind, to my surprise, it was Rhysand who had contacted me about a meeting today, saying he did indeed have information about who he suspects is behind the unauthorised traders. I walked into the room, eyes scanning for imperfections, I found none, they prepared well, I'd give them that. Both Rhysand and Feyre were sitting at an immaculately set table, finger foods plated beautifully dotted its surface.

I sat down opposite Rhysand, my hands had not even touched the table before a commotion was heard, voices and wingbeats. My heart jumped for some unexplained reason, and I beat it down because who gave it the right to start flapping around like a lovesick puppy?

The witch and general came in while talking to each other loudly, they were both covered in sweat. She was flushed and panting, her hair littered with fly a ways, but I struggled to redirect my gaze from her form. Her armour shined in a way those Illyrian leathers Cassian wore could only dream of ever comparing.

"I take it back, I wasn't ready" she spoke, panting heavily as she walks over to the couch and collapses on it. "Told you so" She rose her upper body on her elbows, turning to face him. "Hey, you try doing my work out without breaking a sweat, mine is a lot more cardio" Cassian's face scrunched up. "I'm good, thanks"

"Perhaps Y/n should join this meeting, as it is her mission to capture the people causing these disturbances, yes?" She perked up, raising herself higher and twisting her body to face us. "You've heard more about the weapons league?"

"I believe your weapon smugglers are the strange people mingling with Autumn's merchants" Her face brightened, the streaks of blue in her eyes coming to the forefront. There was something about the idea of working with her, of being closer that just pulled me in, I can't explain it, and I am finding that it won't be long before I can't fight it either. That could not happen, I will not develop... whatever this is for her, I need to stop it here and now.

"She is not from here, she can't possibly have a lot of information about them, there is no need for her to participate in this meeting, besides she seems..." My eyes trailed over her body with appreciation masked as disgust "...Occupied"

"On the contrary, these fae originally were causing trouble in her homelands and have stowed away here, she is more knowledgeable on this adversary than anyone we know." Rhysand interjected. I wanted to point out something else, something that would keep her away from this table and more importantly, away from me, but nothing came to mind, so I just tersely nodded my head, accepting her involvement.

"Alright, just give me a moment" The female got up off the couch, making her way to what he assumed was her guest bedroom limping a little. "Is she seriously postponing a meeting with two high lords and a High lady to primp?"

"You have no space to argue about primping, Eris" I knew that, and really, I was glad she was taking the time to get herself ready, unlike the brute who just sat down radiating heat like a second, very unwanted sun smelling of sweat and picking at some of the food laid out.

It isn't long before she returns with her hair down, still wet from the quick shower she took, her scent of caramel with a hint of pine invaded my nose and I couldn't help but notice how well it mixed with cinnamon and earth that I have. What is wrong with me?

Her hair swayed with her movements, blowing a more potent dose of her scent toward me, Y/n sat down beside me and started speaking about the contraband the fae were smuggling. I listened to every word but it went in one ear and out the other, all while I stared at her with intense focus. Before I knew it, everyone was looking at me, expecting some kind of input.

"Why are they in my lands?" I really hope that she hadn't already answered that. "I suspect it is because of the new power shift, there is always a certain acclimation time where mistakes are more easily made, therefore easier for them to work in, the fact that it is a straight line from Elethairia to Autumn is just a nice little convenience for them."

How dare they? How dare they think that just because I am in charge now, they could slip by undetected, I am not weak, and nothing happens in my court without me knowing. "I'd like access to your lands so I can track them down" Her voice broke through my rage, effectively gaining my attention.

"And how would this arrangement work?" Her eyes fixed on mine "I would go to Autumn from morning till evening, then return here until the job is done" I had no idea where my next words came from, they had not received approval from my brain before they were said, laid out for everyone to gawk at. "That's ridiculous, you'll stay in Autumn, track them down and then I shall assist in getting them back to Elethairia" I was seconds away from saying something truly stupid like getting you back to Elethairia, but luckily he wasn't that far gone.

I should have just agreed with the original proposal, that was what I was planning on, but my mouth had other plans, and I couldn't take my offer off the table now, otherwise I'd look like an indecisive buffoon. Instead, I said this:

"I shall await your answer" I then got up, thanked Rhysand and Feyre and winnowed back to Autumn, though a part of me longed to bring her with.

Only so she could get to work sooner and rid my lands of these weapon smugglers. No other reason. None. She would catch them, I'd get her back to her home and these frivolous feelings would end. I would continue to rule Autumn, she would do whatever she does, and our paths would never cross again. That is what I want.

Then why did the thought hurt so bad?

Tag list: @imma-too-many-fandoms @rcarbo1

Chapter 6

A/n: Hope you enjoyed, again, my sincerest apologies about the wait

[nekropsii]

im thinking about the relationship between kankri and porrim because its just so fucking WEIRD like theyre obviously important to eachother or care about eachother to some extent but we dont really know why?? like they dont seem to get along very well

she patronizes him constantly (which is VERY loaded considering they lived on fucking beforus) and ignores his boundaries (calling him patronizing nicknames he doesnt like, wiping his face while he tried to push her off) and he constantly makes insensitive bitchy bigoted comments that go against all of her values and make her angry

and theres not the same dynamic dolorosa and signless had where she raised him like theyre the same age so why do they even talk to eachother?? what is their relationship?? like were they childhood friends or something?? itd make sense if they were both a little different as kids and therefore got along better but then why do they still talk to eachother when they really dont now ITS SO WEIRD

It's... Complicated. They go way back, as far as I can tell.

The way I see it, they do not have a "Mother and Son" relationship- I find that most who assert this often place far too much maturity onto Porrim, who is literally 19 years old. It's more like an Adoptive/Found Sibling relationship between someone with a severe case of Eldest Daughter Syndrome and the social conditioning of a higher-end Midblood on Beforus, and someone with a chronic case of Only Child and the social conditioning of a Mutant Lime on Beforus. The relationship makes more sense to me when you view it this way. It's just... A fraught sibling relationship, formed under societal pressures we can't even fathom. Porrim Maryam, trained by society to cull those beneath her, trying hard not to, and for the most succeeding outside of someone very close to her, and Kankri Vantas, culled and isolated his whole life, becoming a total suck-up to the deeply misogynistic, ableist, hemoloyal culling system as both a method of self defense and as a wielding of the only weapon he really knows. It was used against him all the time, and it works, doesn't it? If sucking up to Able-Bodied Male Highbloods and ridiculing everyone beneath that golden standard is the best way to ensure safety, then he's gonna do it. He's essentially a lifelong voter for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.

Ultimately, I think what keeps Porrim by his side is that... I think she believes in him. It's like watching yourself lose your sibling to the Alt-Right Pipeline. I think she thinks he doesn't actually believe most of what he's saying, and that this is all deeply reflexive. She's smart enough to recognize the real systemic issues at play here, and that he's essentially caught in chains between 5 different machines that all want him dead. And she's right. When you actually read the shit Kankri's saying, it becomes almost immediately apparent that he's spouting bullshit, and that he absolutely knows this. I think what keeps Kankri by her side is that he knows she cares about him. There isn't any denying it. She might infringe on boundaries, or be generally annoying to him, and keeps doing that frustrating little thing called seeing through his and everyone else's bullshit and calling them out on it- not just including but especially his- but she cares. I think he knows that at the end of all things what he'd have left is her. Is this to say that if you got Kankri to grow a spine and genuinely believe in things that aren't spoonfeedings of the latest Conservative Highblood Talking Point/Psy-Op, he'd be a good person? Hell no. No way. He has a raging savior complex and is way too eager to throw other people under the bus and insult/ridicule them to their faces. He's an asshole. Just completely slimy.

But, again, sibling relationships know no bounds. This kind of dynamic just feels so... Realistic to me. The way their relationship is so strained but still so strong and ongoing just feels so human. I don't know. This is pretty meandering, I just think about them a lot.