#it always annoys me when a kid asks for something like four times or whatever to no response until finally they get yelled at

[lonesomedotmp3]

sorry I literally had my phone down eyes closed ready to at least try to sleep but I remembered something that happened yesterday that still boils my blood and I need to talk about it. my sister seriously has the audacity to be constantly seethingly jealous and bitter of me and my brother's good relationship and then will not even treat him like a human being it's just fucking baffling. we were at a restaurant and me and him were having a conversation about tv and then she puts her phone up right in front of his face to show our dad her instagram, completely blocking us from being able to talk and see each other. and the whole time she's going wow look at this photo look at this look how silly I look in this one! and my brother COMPLETELY REASONABLY. because the back of the phone is right in his face and he's hearing about how great these photos are. asks my sister is he can see them. and then she told him off for it! can you kill yourself!

[citrinae]

forgive me, for i love being bad for you.

sanji x reader (ft. platonic!zoro)

summary; everyone agrees that you and roronoa zoro are like two peas in a pod: cool, unbothered, hitting pubs on the regular. everyone, except your boyfriend sanji—who’d try anything to distract you from your visibly chaotic lifestyle. even visiting a potion shop. or: sanji needs to get out of his head in four acts. 

contents; angsty vibes, lowkey love triangle, miscommunication™, abandonment issues, drinking, sex pollen, a little dubcon tbh, piv, oral sex (both receiving), facesitting, multiple orgasms, creampie, college/modern!AU, witch!sanji, jealous!sanji, afab!reader, wc: 7.3k (wheezes), mdni. spooky carnival is still in town, go catch it if you’re in for a bad time.

masterlist.

i. 

Zoro sets his glass back on the table with a forceful clink. There’s liquor rolling to the corner of his lips. 

“I still don’t get it,” annoyance hangs from his voice as he speaks. “How the fuck you put up with him?”

Your reflection looks back at you from the amber in your glass. 

“He’s sweet and he cooks for me,” you mean it. Despite Zoro’s lack of trust in your newfound romance, slightly taking to repulse, Sanji has been nothing but a dream to you. Resting his cheek on yours as you were watching some movie you borrowed for the night, swinging hands as he took you grocery shopping. Everything about him buzzes with the type of comfortable affection one meets in magazines, or in Christmas commercials, and you’re sure to fall harder for him by the day. “Have you taken the time to cook for someone you dated?”

“Yeah?” Zoro washes the accusation away with another sip. “You into cooks?”

“Apparently.”

“‘s he a good cook?”

A smile, prideful. “Nothing but a wizard in the kitchen.”

“Christ, you’re even starting to sound like him,” he teases further. “Putting random words together and expecting to make sense.”

“He’s a good cook, Zoro,” you tell him again. 

There’s a pause. 

“No kidding.”

At a loss of what to say, you clumsily try to fill the silence.

“Yeah.” 

“As long as you like him or whatever,” defeated, waving his hand. “Just keep him outta my sight, will you?”

“Deal,” you say, downing your drink as you do. Bitterness lingers on the roof of your mouth, throat burned and numbed out. Suddenly your mind wanders somewhere else. “Care for another round?”

Zoro’s smirk is sly, devilish. “Now that’s more like my language.”

So you get yourselves a second refill that turns into a third, and a forth, until there’s no more use to bother about keeping count. Your surroundings seem to start whirling for a second. You close your eyes, then open them. And everything gets back into place.

On the day you met him, somewhere around campus, basking in the sun like a stray cat on trim lawn, you and Zoro hit off immediately. Scruffy hair, bomber jackets, eyes looking like he’s about to fall asleep any minute, Zoro is the type to never dwell on things for longer they’re worth. Always a guy of instinct, speaking truths others might opt to stay away from. On the other hand you have a knack for chaos he easily complements, so for over a year now he’s been a good and loyal friend to you, your time together something neither of you would regret or give up on.

He’s the one who introduced you to Sanji. Now it’s clearer to you that Sanji had most probably asked him to. Neither of them expected it when you agreed to go out with him, “It’s just a fucking date, chill out. Free meal you know?”; and to your own surprise, your heart skipped a good beat when you saw him that night.

Sanji. Annoying, perverted, absolutely fucking delusional Sanji, lighting up a cigarette in front of his car. Light fell nicely on his rings as he kept a hand around a flower bouquet—the pretentious kind, with a wrapper and ribbon and all. Red button-up, black jeans, coat. Heart-warming smile. 

Everything about the scene felt like something taken from those really sugary rom-coms you and Zoro make fun of when drunk. Yet somehow you admired Sanji for putting in the effort. His hand quivered on the door handle, “You look sensational, my dear.” Adjusting your seat belt, you told him that he didn’t look so bad himself, and by the pink crossing his face as you did, you deduced he might not be used to having flattery thrown his way. 

At dinner he told you he was raised in a small restaurant down east, and that they sold soy wax candles and herbs right next door. Wiping up your mouth with a handkerchief, you tried to come up with a quip around it, “And you stocked healing crystals and runes as well, right?” But then he just propped his hand in a palm, a wide smile blooming on his face that made you unsure whether he was playing along with the narrative or simply felt happy to talk about his past. “Sometimes we did, yeah. But we were more into the culinary side of things.”

When, a couple days later, you told Zoro that you and Sanji had spent the night together, he didn’t hesitate to let you know that he thought it a bad idea. He warned that Sanji was weird—not in the sense that he had a wandering eye or spent a rent-worth on cigarettes. He was simply weird. Fingers drumming on wood, “Caught him mustering some nonsense crap to a jar once. Like he was enchanting it or something.” Soon you were reliving the conversation you had on your first date. “You mean he’s, like, Sabrina the Teenage Witch?” Zoro didn’t catch it. “Who?” he said, and you waved him off. “Nevermind.”

The sneer he wore back then was similar to the one he makes now, seeing the blue light of your phone fill the room with a notification. 

“It’s him,” you say, fingers instinctively hovering to your lock screen. Neither can you help looking at the hour displayed in blinding white: 01:51 A.M. 

Zoro keeps himself from rolling his eyes. “Tell him I’m bringing you to your dorm.”

You text; the reply comes in a beat. 

“He asks if you even know where my dorm is.”

“Of course I—” Zoro clicks his tongue. Then he snatches the phone from your hands and presses ‘record’. “Of course I know where to go you jackass,” he snarls, throat pulsing. 

Taking your phone back, you check the message popping in not long after. “He says he’s coming over.”

“Fine then. Whatever.” It’s low. He sounds irritated. “Let’s pay and we’ll wait for your princess outside.”

And that’s exactly what you do; take care of the bill, grab your jackets and throw yourselves out. Feeling the crisp air on your cheeks, you realise you’re so much drunker than you’ve felt inside. You’re light, feathery, persistently on the verge of being blown out. Concrete flounders around you and you have to put in some additional effort to maintain your balance. Time becomes harder for you to register or something Zoro has just said made you cackle for too long because here is Sanji, your sweet boyfriend Sanji, parking his car not too far away from your forms. You can tell he put on himself the first things he saw in the wardrobe. His hair is slightly disordered, his step heavy as he rushes to your direction. 

“Evening Angel,” Sanji chirps, pulling you into a hug, and you cannot help but dig your nose into the soft fabric of his hoodie, closing your eyes, glad to finally have something to lean your weight onto. His tone drops when he looks at Zoro. “Mosshead.”

Zoro’s hands are sunk into his pockets. “Told you I got everything under control.”

“Pardon me if I didn’t believe you.” Sanji is sardonic. “Looking at the state of this slump, seems like I was right not to.”

“Not my idea to come here, bitch,” Zoro drones. His breath fogs the air as he speaks. “Next time get your head outta your ass and listen to people before running your mouth.”

Some of Sanji’s cologne still hangs from the soft fabric. “This was the only place that allowed us to play cards,” you say against his chest.

“Aha,” he flattens his hand across your back. “At least tell me you played for money and bled this loser dry. Tomorrow will get yourself something pretty with stupid mosshead pocket change.”

“You done talking?” Zoro says through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah,” Sanji’s lips press into a thin line. He’s slowly urging you towards the car. “We’ll be off in a beat.”

“We didn’t play for money,” you tilt your head to look at him, trying to match his steps as you distance yourselves from the pub. 

“What a pity.” Between wry and affectionate. 

You raise a loose fist in the air. “Till the next one, Zoro!”

“See ya daredevil,” Zoro shifts his weight from one leg to another. “Tuck your princess in and give him a sweet goodnight’s kiss, yeah?”

“Fuck you,” Sanji heaves, closes the door behind you. 

On the way to your dorm, he doesn’t ask about how many you had or lecture about being alone—with Zoro—late at night. Why would he? He’s aware this is a part of you, and he’d lie if he said he doesn’t melt watching the glimmer in your eye and your lips curling into a wicked smirk each time you tell him how much fun you had. Though he does worry about you, sometimes, when you willingly throw yourself in all kinds of dangerous shenanigans. Seeing your head slipping down the backrest, silently Sanji casts a spell on your eyelids to make sure you sleep unbothered until tomorrow morning. Tucks some strands of hair behind your ear, yet his eyes are still fixed on the road, and his hands are both rested on the steering wheel. 

Normally, he wouldn’t have been so exhibited with his magic had you been awake. But for now he takes the liberty to carry himself as if he were alone or in the company of the shitty bunch at the Baratie that taught him the craft to begin with. Foliage and plains and cottages move remotely in his wingspan while he continues to think of you. Your smile, your laughter, the nonchalant way you coil your arms around his own to show you around the places that you have so many stories to tell about. To him you are a bundle of new experiences and joy, something pleasant and airy he wishes to emanate himself someday. Always honest, always so easy to approach. Dandelion seeds whirling loosely in the wind. 

But the one thing he cannot seem to take his mind from is that having a bent for partying also means having a bent for Zoro. 

Lazy, shabby, perpetually absent-minded Zoro. 

His hands tighten on the steering wheel. 

Sanji has never really liked the guy, for reasons he doesn’t have the time or energy to list. Tolerance is perhaps too much to describe the compromise he’s willing to take; but he attempts it, for your sake. Because no matter how he tries looking at things Zoro adds something to this life of yours he certainly doesn’t have, or doesn’t know how to make up for. No matter how well you fit in his arms, early in the morning with sleep still heavy on your lashes, throaty voice narrating a dream so bizarre it plucks a laughter from his lips, the nights will always be reserved to someone he wouldn’t even bother to understand. Because he doesn’t want to. 

Window rolls down; he lights up a cigarette. 

Moments pass. His car stops by a pair of victorian-esque gates he doesn’t take long to recognise. He carries you on his back all the way to your dorm room, putting to sleep everyone he stumbles upon as he does; he isn’t supposed to be here, and certainly you aren’t supposed to return this late at night. He’s thankful you chose to sleep in the bottom bed. With this thought in mind he arranges your pillow and places you under the covers, slowly, gently almost like you were made of glass. From his tote bag he picks out a flask and a piece of paper he scribbles on: “for your hangover—sanji <3” 

ii.

The sun bleeds through stained glass in dazzling shades of pink and blue and yellow. Wind chimes, cluttered shelves. Dusted books. The air is thick with the smell of wood and incense. Sanji picks at the fingers that he keeps tucked into the pockets of his hoodie. He isn’t allowed to smoke in here, but fuck does he need a drag. Light catches across the variety of bottles and jars lined up in front of him, all displayed in eye-catching colours and labelled in alphabetical order. 

Would I? He tries his best not to pick up the light blue piece lingering a little too at hand not to be a work of fate. Should I? Sanji kisses his teeth; he takes the thing into his palm. 

There’s a piece of paper attached by lace ribbon. Writing is dainty, yet small and hardly intelligible.

Truth shows itself in wicked colours;

betrayal, freedom, promise.

For they who shall drink this wicked brew

take a night in their beloved’s embrace.

Is their bond seen pure and true,

the Garden sees no place for others.

Like the first lovers on Earth— 

runaways from Eden, they shall be.

Sanji takes a deep breath. Flips the flask on all sides, reading and rereading, biting his inner cheek. It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. He does, with all his heart. And yet he cannot help but shamelessly wonder: if Zoro hadn’t introduced you, would you and him have ended up together? Does he stand in the way of something which is meant to be? “I’m pathetic, fuck.”

He tastes blood. 

Talking to you about this is out of the question, since that would mean admitting Zoro is a better match for you. Plus, honesty is one of the things he admires about you. He’s sure you wouldn’t cheat. To bring this up would only lead to conflict and the sort of disappointment he’d rather choke to death than see reflected in your eyes. 

“This shit is ridiculous.”

The flask makes a frail sound as Sanji throws it in his basket. Stomping the floor with his foot, a cold sweat bobbing at his nape, at checkout he’s greeted by a gorgeous woman dressed in a velvet dress and speaking with a faint voice he doesn’t care enough to pay attention to. There’s a black cat sleeping on a shelf behind her. 

“Is this everything you needed?” she asks, carefully placing the goods in a paper pag. 

Sanji drops some cash on the counter and leaves without saying a thing to her. 

iii. 

“What do you think, my dear?” Sanji asks you on the other side of the table. The potion he bought a week ago forms a bump inside the pocket of his dress pants. 

You want to be sure of your answer, so you take another forkful of your food, still steaming hot and methodically arranged on the plate. It’s good. No, it’s tremendously good, better than you imagined it to be. 

“Sanji, this is incredible,” you say, not allowing yourself the time to fully swallow. “And I’m not only saying this because I like complimenting you.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” His face brightens, a mix of pride and the unpretentious joy he takes from cooking to other people. However he still looks to be preoccupied by something else you never find the right timing to ask about. 

Embarrassment hitching up your throat, you drag your fork across ceramic. Sanji stays silent for a moment; his plate is barely touched. In hopes to escape the tension, your eyes wander to look at his curtains, his shelves, an enframed picture with a gruff old man and a much younger Sanji cheerily holding out a slice of lemon cheesecake. The apartment is small, but tasteful, with decent flooring and a rent anyone your age can afford. White walls, light blue cushioning. A closed balcony where he grows basil and rosemary. 

You are going to sleep over tonight. It’s not that you've never done this before; have dinner together before deciding on a movie you’ll never get to watch because his hand grips on your thigh a little too tightly and your knee presses itself somewhere too bold to go unnoticed. But something feels different now, you cannot quite tell why. He feels different. With his avoidant eyes and stuttering words and index finger that frequently climbs to scratch an eyebrow. 

“If you wanted to break up with me you could’ve chosen a café, you know?” you hear yourself saying, arms folded. 

“What?” His chair scrapes the floor; he tries not to cringe from the sound.  “No, no.” It's ferm. It's rushed. “Why would you think that?” goes unsaid. 

Fingertips digging into the table, Sanji doesn't know how he ended up on his feet. He takes the opportunity to take the seat next to yours, plate and cutlery clanking along as he does. “No one's breaking up with anyone, sweetheart,” words fight their way through the knot in Sanji's throat. 

Sanji shoves his fork in his food which now looks less parmigiana and more like something a primary school kid would make for their art class assignment. Fuck, adding wasted food to his trainwreck fog of thoughts is the last thing he wants for tonight. After he swallows it down, his tone finally relaxes. 

“I was actually thinking of proposing something, now that we’re soon to move up to dessert. Something I'd like us to try,” he says. 

It registers quickly. “Like in bed?”

“It might sound a little weird, though.” Sanji avoids meeting your eyes. His chest rises and falls in a disjointed rhythm as he tries his best to empty his plate. 

“I like weird,” you say, propping your head on a fist, curiosity pushing your mouth a little higher. 

He cannot help but mimic your smile. “Well I bought us something.”

“You did.”

“Yeah, I did.” Not wasting any more time, he pulls the flask out of his pocket, displays it on the dinner table—clear liquid bottled in cerulean crystal, ribbon unfastened and label removed. Your eyes widen. “I was doing some grocery shopping, and stumbled upon this,” Sanji explains. 

You take it in your hands, blinking, carefully not to damage the contents. “Is this an aphrodisiac?” 

“You can call it that,” he says. “It stimulates the senses, so everything should feel a little more intense than usual. I know I haven’t been necessarily adventurous with you, dear,” looking into his plate, then at you. Inevitably he starts thinking of Zoro. “Thought maybe I can start from somewhere.”

Your hand reaches his. “You don’t have to go out of your way for me. You’re perfect for me, yeah? And I have fun with you. Lots of it, actually.”

“I know—” heat rising in throat, he reaches to loosen his shirt collar. “I mean, you’re perfect for me, too, hell I cherish each and every moment we spend together. Kind of felt intrigued to experience this with you, is all. However it’s definitely ok and understandable if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.”

Inspecting the flask in your hands, you give it a second of thought. You know the kind of shops Sanji frequents: equipped with dust and smoke and mysteries. The between-buildings types you have asked about before, and received a response either too vague or too straightforward to be taken seriously. Even still, trust has never been an obstacle. You trust Sanji; he has trustworthy eyes and a soothing voice that feels like a kiss on one’s eyelids. He’s good to you, always has been, when he cradles your face in his palms and calls you his sun and moon and stars, stardust dripping from his eyes as he assures you’re the best he’s had. 

“Does this have any side effect or some sort?” you look up to search for his gaze, and like pulled by a magnet Sanji returns it. 

“No,” he says. “Wears off in the morning. Like nothing happened.”

If you don’t end up running to Zoro, that is. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach as the thought snipes through his mind. He’s not sure how to feel about lying to you, either. But maybe it’s for the best; if it turns out he isn’t your meant-to-be after all.  

Decisive, “Fuck it. Let’s do it, then.”

Sanji’s smirk fades out the anxiety. “In this case our next course will consist of one more secret ingredient.”

Feet swinging, tapping against the floor. Walls drifting apart and closing in. Moments have passed through you like sequences from a dream, and you fiddle with the sleeves of your sweater as Sanji sets the dessert on the table—two delicate things, like they were long intended to play the highlight of your night, light pink and beautifully decorated with dried rose petals and pomegranate seeds. For a minute you marvel at Sanji’s attention to detail, the love he puts into any dish as he turns them into something special and palatable. 

“Baby,” your laugh is a casual play at fragrancy Sanji takes in with a one-sided smile. “There’s no way I can run my teaspoon into this.”

He takes the seat to your right. “The real deal happens when you taste it, sweetheart,” he says, reaching for a teaspoon of his own, strands of blonde hair brushing one cheek as he does. 

And when you eventually do it, run tableware through moulded cream, you relish the sweetness that melts on the roof of your mouth. Sanji asks if you can tell the other thing apart from the dish. You say no, I don’t, do you? I think it’s the pomegranate, he acts like he’s uncertain even though you’re sure it shouldn’t take more than a few seconds. I only used some as decor. But here it’s rather pungent, not that I’m complaining. Child’s play. Halfway through your tasting, a second question comes. 

Do you feel anything? 

I don’t. 

Do you?

No.

Sanji’s heart clutches in his chest. He’s impatient, laughable even, he knows he is, since spells like this should take longer to surface. Three times he mouthed the chant and the potion gracefully vanished into steam as it poured down the servings, no drops left. By the look of that, Sanji might at least expect something to happen. Either bad or reassuring. 

Yet you stay your familiar comfortable selves even after you’ve eaten the whole thing, carrying on as such when you help him—at least attempting to, he never lets you lift a finger—clean the table and watch him washing the dishes from one of his counters. Sleeves pushed to elbows, fingers sunk into the sponge, hair pushed into concentrated, concentrating eyes. Water rolls off his wrists—drip, drop. He tells you something, but you cannot hear him. It hovers towards the ceiling and in the back of your head, a muffled sound engulfing you not less like the numbing feeling of being underwater. Shamelessly you ask him to repeat. 

Okay, maybe you do start feeling some way. 

Sanji turns off the tap. A crushing silence. 

“I was wondering if you thought of something to watch tonight,” he turns to look at you, and stops. 

He cannot tell if it’s your eyes, suddenly looking bigger, or your collarbones, stretching in and out in anticipation, wet lips looking wetter, slightly parted as you breathe, but he feels helplessly drawn to you, like you’ve been tied up by some invisible rope that keeps rolling up, more and more, thinning the space between your bodies. Air catches in his lungs as he lets himself be torn apart by his awe and not knowing what to do with it. 

Just as indiscreetly you wrap your eyes around his shoulders, his chest, his biceps, looking so much more strained under his shirt. Watching him make a step towards you, it seems like his eyes have gotten brighter, cheeks catching a faint tinge of pink, and you have to fight the impulse to dip a hand under your sweater and see how those long fingers of his would feel on you. 

Your fingertips bite into the front edges of the counter. “Not yet, no,” you say, a little disconnected from yourself. Sanji’s scent is an intoxicating mix of rosemary and sandalwood. “Guess we’ll have to browse and see what comes our way.”

“Sure. We’ll look.” Stepping forward, Sanji is the most relaxed he’s felt in days, his limbs and shoulders so much lighter as he moves, comfortably numb in the absence of a thought which has weighted on his back like a fiend draining him of his life force. He knows he has been waiting for something tonight, an answer, you calling a name he cannot bring himself to remember, and yet his mind is blank with nothing but the image of his lips crashing on yours. 

His presence radiates need, and it sends an electric shiver down your spine as he comes closer to you, fingers running over your knuckles. When your eyes align with his, you find it impossible to look anywhere else. So you sink into the blue and drown. Sanji leans further in, and his breath is sultry against your earshell as he speaks. 

“Fuck knows what’s happening to me, dear,” he says, a hoarse sound that makes your thighs squeeze together. “But please tell me you’ll ride my face before anything else.”

But he sure knows what’s going on. He put a spell on you; or something along these lines. 

Your body moves by its own as you push forward, biting your bottom lip, pressing your chest against his. “Want me to fuck your mouth, pretty?” your tone echoes the urgency of his request. 

His lips trail down your ear and across your neck. Suddenly your legs are wrapped around his torso. “Oh, and even more,” he tells you. “I want you to cream on my mouth so much that you’ll never find any other to please you just as good.”

“Then why am I not in your bed yet?” It comes out more desperate than it should. Without realising your fingers have unfastened at least two of his shirt buttons, and now they seem to cling onto his collar for dear life. 

Something flares in him; powerful, primal, which he hasn’t been aware he’s had before, sliding a hand under your hips and picking you up before slamming his lips against yours. The kiss is deep, all tongue. You return it with closed eyes and a breathy moan that pulls Sanji in a frenzied daze. Hands curled at his nape, you lose yourself in the taste of nicotine and pomegranates as you let him carry you past dim lit walls and into the bedroom. He doesn’t bother to turn on the lights. When he hurls you in bed, it’s with a deliberate movement, careful not to bruise you in any way but not the less forceful altogether. 

Then you take care of the rest of his buttons and belt, and he moves his focus to your pants, tugging them off while your mouths can’t gather the resolve to leave each other. Your fingers rake themselves through his hair. Smoothing the skin under your sweater, his hands stop to flatten around your breast. As Sanji presses his weight on you, it becomes impossible not to notice how fucking hard he is, greedy and throbbing against your soaked panties. He’s at his most unbridled tonight, and yet he touches you with the ritualistic devotion of a priest, mouthing syrup into your ear like lighting candles on an altar. The full moon spills in her light through the window, blue and delicate, and for a moment there you are sure Sanji’s contours have caught a prismatic glow, colourful flashes whirling in your vision, wavering around him like some sort of aura. 

After he breaks away, you are still tied together by a thin thread of saliva. He pushes your panties aside, and your back arches when he slides a digit, and then a second one, into your slit. There’s lust in his eyes, the kind you’ve never seen on him before, drinking in the sweet faces you make while his fingers press in and out of you in circling motions, rubbing your clit just so sweetly as he does. 

“Look how wet you are, dearest,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. “Always such a lovely mess for me.”

“I want you, Sanji,” you say, aware that you cannot hide the way he makes you feel by looking at him alone. 

It’s you, Sanji.

Your voice echoes in his heart like water dripping in a cave, let it melt inside him with something close to relief. He wants to thank you; and yet he cannot tell exactly what for. What he does instead is pull you into another kiss, less vicious and more affectionate, keeping you close with a hand flattened on your nape. 

The more you kiss him the brighter the room looks. Spectral rainbow fading behind his form. 

“Could you shift your hips for me?” Sanji eventually suggests. “Let me taste you, honey.”

It doesn’t take long to figure out what he means by that. Like a thing of habit, you let Sanji take your spot on the bed, then climb your way onto his face. You take yourself a moment before starting to move, but all wariness disappears the moment he drags a flat tongue across your slit. His voice vibrates into your core as your taste has him mumbling seared praises against your folds. Further you drop yourself on his mouth, and more he laps at your pussy, wet and desperate, coaxing you those sounds that fill the room and blend in with the moonlight. 

Sanji’s tongue has always managed to make you shiver. But this time is different, because you can feel everything; nose and beard and lips, drenched in your slick, white-hot as they rub themselves against your favourite spots. You can feel it when his eyes close and open, taking his time to savour the moment, and when he lets out a pleasured sigh to let you know how grateful he is to be allowed the luxury of tasting you, there is a delirious sensation rushing from your heat and climbing to your back like an electrical shock. It makes you thrust your hips harder against his mouth, call out his name with the urgent solemnity you didn’t know your voice could be able to reproduce. 

Looking at the way Sanji’s lower body tries to helplessly grind against nothing, cock straining in the confines of his boxers, bulging and stained with precum, you come to realise he must be feeling the same as you do. Oh, but Sanji revels in seeing how sweet you can be for him, and how good he can make you feel when he eats you out. He doesn’t mind the pain as long as he gets to lick you off his chin after he’s done. Never someone to dismiss your pleasure over his own. And yet. 

As his mouth diligently works on the heat that is now building in your stomach, and your movements pick up in pace to reach the high, you cannot help not to stare at his cock, thrusting the air to catch up with your rhythm. Hands running a touch across his stomach, you lick your lips. Sanji moans into you when you lean down to tug at his boxers. 

“Angel, what—” you hear him saying. 

Not allowing him the time to protest, you press yourself onto his face. “I’m so close, please,” you inform him, in a voice you don’t recognise. “Please don’t stop.”

So he doesn’t, running his tongue around your clit, not letting a single drop go to waste. You’re almost there. 

“Good goddess, fuck,” he huffs, feeling your hands on his balls, and shortly after your mouth kissing him at the tip. 

He comes that instant; let heat shoot in your mouth and down your throat as you wrap your lips around him, swallowing and licking off everything you can. There is something wrecked in his voice as he’s taken through his crescendo, something like a prayer sent to an all-mighty, and even then he continues to kiss your folds and drag his tongue across you until you come to climb a peak of your own. With Sanji’s taste lingering on the roof of your mouth, tears begin to well up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you call for him, over and over again, enveloped in pleasures you never thought that existed. 

Only when you’re brought back, a panting mess, you realise Sanji remained just as hard as you left him—something only that weird sex drink could’ve made it happen. You take the opportunity to lift your hips from his mouth and better adjust yourself at his crotch; he starts shifting awkwardly the moment you do. 

“There’s no need to, really.” Sanji is hesitant as he looks down at you, lips red and goatee still soaked with your slick. 

“But I want my meal,” you say, already licking at the tip. “It’s only fair you let me have one too.”

He’s having a hard time saying no to you; but how can he, when you talk with that voice, and when you look at him with those pleading eyes that reflect the gates to Heaven and more? Your mouth takes a little more of him, hot tongue trailing up and down his cock, and his eyes roll back into his head in visible defeat. 

Sanji runs his fingers through your hair. His tone takes to yearning, “So my precious darling is hungry, huh? Cute and silly for my cock?”

“Mhm,” bottom lip rolling up, wetly.

Half smug, half dazed. “Then it’d be cruel of me not to keep you fed.” 

Deeper you push your mouth around him, until he’s twitching in your throat and you start to gag. Sanji’s thumb finds your cheek—please don’t do anything you don’t want to. But you wouldn’t stop. You cannot stop. Not when you get to hear the whimpers he makes as your lips press around the skin ever so slightly, when you look up at his heaving chest, his parted lips, pushing out a broken exhale, the eyes that now flood with wavering reflections of the moonlight and tears threatening to wet his lashes. 

“Oh, my angel.” It’s coarse, struggling for air. His eyes shut close. “My sun, my everything. Yeah, like that. So fucking good.”

Hands coated in spit, you reach to give his balls a gentle squeeze, continue to fill your throat. Once praises have started to spill from Sanji’s mouth, they don’t stop, and they touch a point at which the words feel like no more than babbling, trashed and incoherent, with his hair blown in both of his eyes. His hand sometimes runs to his forehead, other times he uses it to caress your face and pet your hair, but no matter what Sanji stays loud in letting you know how good whatever you’re doing to him feels.

The moment he sets both of his hands on your head, you know it’s because he’s getting close. With a fearful thrust of his cock into your mouth a growl leaves him, and soon after his second release spills down your throat, warm, somehow sweet. You swallow; his chest expands and contracts in attempt to catch his breath. 

Specks of light dash off Sanji’s lips. Pulling you at his level, he clashes them against yours into yet another kiss, sloppy and greedy as he runs his hand down your curves, sinks his fingers into your skin. The touch sears everywhere it reaches; and you cannot do anything but melt in his arms, let yourself be moulded by this growing need that somehow can never quite satiate you. 

“Hope you don’t think you won’t be rewarded for that,” Sanji breathes into your mouth. 

Your lips rolling to his jaw, you say, “Hope you don’t think I’ve had enough of you.”

“I’m here for you to take,” with a quivering hand Sanji squeezes your pussy. “Will always be.”

His fingers send a delightful shock throughout your body. Something close to a moan tears from your throat. “You're such a whore for me, Sanji.” 

“Can you blame me?” Sanji rubs his tip against your inner thigh. “Darling, please look at yourself.”

“For the love of god—” wet and breathless against his ear. “Don’t make me wait any longer.” 

Your impatience endears him, has his heart beating so much faster than it already does. Still he starts slowly, pushing you onto the pillows, taking his time to relish your expression as he lifts your legs and lovingly sets them atop his shoulders. Sanji almost laughs at himself, because even under the influence of this potion that brings out anything wild and viscerally troublesome he has in him, nothing delights him more than getting to unravel you with the same care one deseeds a pomegranate in the kitchen. 

Placing a kiss on your calf, he croons, “Say, sweetheart, what about you? Who do you crave for just so?” 

Not wasting a beat, “You, Sanji.” It’s you. 

He could get off by these words alone. 

“And what do you want from me?” he starts to coat himself in your slick, pressing the tip on your clit every now and then. “Do you want me to fuck you, maybe? Fill you up and call you beautiful?”

You can only nod, legs coiling around his neck in anticipation. “Yeah, yeah. Please fuck me.”

Then you can feel him burying himself into you, and it rips a sound from your mouth as soon as he does. Your hips lift to increase the friction. You accommodate him easily, trembling under him and through the persistent knot in your stomach that has you wanting for more. 

When he bottoms out, his voice is low, hypnotic. “Like this?”

“Like this,” you echo, drowning yourself in the wild glimmer flaring in his eyes.

Fingers dug into your legs, his temples sweaty, Sanji pulls out, then drops himself back in, each motion steadier than the other. Wet sounds fill the sheets as your bodies coil and flatten together like nothing matters in this world but you and this moment and the moon capturing your contours in ethereal glow. Nothing, no one. Sanji speeds his hips, chest flushed and sweltering. Usually you’re not as permissive with your sounds as he is, but tonight they seem to just pour themselves out of your mouth, every sigh and moan and whimper, sugar waterfalls thickening the air as Sanji moves you into each thrust. 

“Ah,” you hear him say, a man aflame. “Refresh my memory, would you, angel? Who did you want to fuck again?”

Through an exhale, “You—” a pause. “Only you.”

“You feel so good,” he whines, collapses with a slapping sound. “So sweet, so perfect for me.”

Blue and pink and yellow; just as vivid when you close your eyes. He goes in deep, deeper, and your thighs are shivering against his torso. 

“Yeah? You like that?” legs tightening their grip around him. “Like it when I take you good and confess?”

“More than that,” Sanji is breathless. “Makes me insane. You’re making me go insane.”

You wouldn’t admit it, but you know how it feels. To have your sanity run scarce by a voice telling you how faultless you are, that no matter how you see yourself you will always be a cosmos in someone else’s eyes. If anything, you should know this better than anyone else, the maddening feeling of being fed honey and sugar glaze as your thoughts are pressed against body heat. Lost in his trance Sanji picks up the pace, and there’s a wet, debauched mewl that overrides even the careless crash of your skins. 

Lip caught under your teeth, “Want to, mh—wanna hear another confession, baby?” 

“What’s on your mind, my sweet?” Sanji’s lips ghost over your calf. 

“Think I—” with a thrust your eyes are hurled to the ceiling. “Fuck, I think I love you.”

Vulnerable. 

Suddenly his chest drops against yours, a chance for your legs to flatten across his back, pulling him the closest you can. His fingers interlace with yours as he sinks into the crook of your neck. 

Reckless. 

The pace doesn’t slow down, but you can very well tell it’s become sloppier than before. A lost rhythm. When you look at him again, you are quick to notice the dampness pushing at the corners of his eyes. 

“I love you too,” glad to finally word it this way. “I love you so much.” 

Then he continues to rut into you, shaky voice fogging your neck the moment your nails pierce into his back. Your hips thrust themselves up, desperate for tandem. Heat erupts inside you. Another peak you’re yearning to chase. 

“‘m gonna come, ‘m gonna come,” you tell him, cheek brushing over his hair. 

“Let go, my dear,” in a frail tone. “Let me hear you.”

With a squeeze of your hand Sanji fucks you the way you need him to—viciously. 

He could try. He could at least try to make you fall so hard for him that you will keep your words even after the spell wears off. 

You pull at his hair, mean and senseless as a sudden burst of pleasure tears through you. Your lips move without being able to hear the words. There must’ve been something you said, though, you’re sure there was, because Sanji’s soon chasing after, hung on a mournful vowel, flooding you through his end. 

The moon soaks into your bodies.

iv. 

Sanji wakes up with tinnitus. He blinks, once, twice, waiting for the specks of colour before his eyes to rearrange into furniture. The next thing he recognises is your breathing, small and lukewarm on his chest. Instinctively his arms wrap themselves around you, and there’s a long exhale when they do. You’re naked, both of you. His head becomes heavy with flashes of last night, lips pressed together, bending sternum, and soon they are replaced with the sound of a name he thought he couldn’t remember. Sentiments he thought he discarded. 

He thought he would lose you. 

But you are still here. 

Before knowing it, his arms are shaking, and like he’s done many times when he finds it impossible to contain himself, he covers his eyes with an elbow. 

He starts crying. 

Muffled, subtle, more worried about waking you up than about having to figure out an excuse for his tears. Droplets roll off his cheeks and onto his collarbone. His chest jerks up and down in a pathetic staccato. He wishes he were someone with more control over his emotions, sometimes, during moments like this. But he isn’t, and he cannot change, just like he cannot be many other things. 

A soft rustle beneath the sheets. Arms squeezing his torso. 

“Sanji, hey.” The words come out rasp, still filled with sleep. When he doesn’t answer, there’s a thumb wiping across his cheek. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I’m sorry,” is all he can manage. 

Warmly, concerned. “Sorry for what?”

“I’m sorry,” he hiccups again. “I’m so sorry.”

Because he doubted you. Because he cannot fucking stop doubting himself. Heaven knows he’d tell you all these things, were he a braver man. Instead there’s only one thing that seems to be coming out of him, a broken record.

“I’m sorry.”

You wouldn’t want to pressure him. Without saying anything else you keep Sanji in your arms, squeeze him tighter as his tears blend with your hair and your fingers move to soothe his frantic shoulders. Salt pours on his bottom lip. Sanji accepts the comfort despite his better judgement, burying his face into your neck, trying to focus on the sound of your breathing. You stay like this for a while. 

There are so many things he’d want to tell you; the kind of things that eat through his guts and tear him apart. Silly images of him taking you to the Baratie, teaching you the way around potions, topping your hand as you sign your name in blood and knowledge, are you to feel rebellious enough. 

And he will, one day; talk to you about everything he’s ever seen and touched. Now, however, he closes his eyes and hopes you will somehow catch a flicker of all the love he has in him; everything that makes him foolish. 

by far the longest thing i've written in years & it's a boring au. now excuse me but i need to go lie down for a while.

[justmeinadaze]

Created a Monster (Steddie X Kas Y/N)

Every time I hear this song this idea pops into my head but it's not what I'm used to writing per say. I wanted you guys to read like a preview and tell me if this is something you'd want more of or a one shot. Or whatever lol Just some feed back :) It's been sitting in my WIP forever but I can't stop thinking about it.

Warning: Steddie X Kas Fem Reader, mentions of grief and how much the boys miss her, I twisted some things from the show obviously. Instead of Eddie fighting, Y/N does. I also read up a bit on Kas so took some lore there. Not really expanded on in this preview but...

Word Count: 1956

Eddie and Steve stare at your gravestone as the preacher continues to spout some nonsense about young souls being angels on Earth and being called back home. No one understood what they were going through not even their friends they had fought with. You were their everything and now… you were gone. 

Steve and Robin sat in the cafeteria of the hospital picking at their food as they waited for Eddie to join them. For the past four months they had been visiting Max while continuing to be moral support for Lucas. Neither boy would let on how jealous they actually were of the former Hellfire member. At least he could still hold his girlfriend’s hand…see her face…kiss her cheek.

“The doctor’s said she’s showing improvement.”, Robin mused as she took a bite of bland rice in front of her. 

“That’s good. She’s a good kid who’s been through too much. She deserves to have a full life.”

His friend nods in understanding, scanning Steve over before reaching for his hand. 

“This is a stupid question but how are you doing?”

“I’m, um, I’m surviving. Eddie’s trying to keep it together for the guys but we’re both kind of floundering.”, he chuckles as he places his fork down and leans back. “I miss her laugh. Every time Munson would tell a joke, she would close her eyes and scrunch her nose… so cute.”

“Yeah, she was.”, his friend softly murmured. “She loved you two more than anything. Y/N would talk about you both nonstop to an annoying degree.”

When Robin playfully rolls her eyes, they both laugh almost uncontrollably until his gradually shift into sobs. Rising to her feet, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and in turn he does the same, his fingers digging almost painfully into her back. 

“I miss her so much.”

***

When both boys finally made it back home, Eddie silently flopped down on the couch as he grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. Since your passing, the metalhead had moved into the living room since their apartment only had one bedroom. Without you between them they saw no point in sharing anymore. Steve never said anything to contradict but he wished his friend had stayed. Even though they were never intimate in the dynamic, he would have rather shared a bed with his friend than be alone. It was just more of a reminder that you were gone. 

“Another group of men were found dead today outside of their homes, stabbed through the chest, and with nothing stolen or motive perceived from Hawkins PD. We reached out to reinstated Chief Hopper for comment but at this time none was given.”

“Something we should be worried about you think?”, Steve asked as he came up behind his friend to watch the tv.

“I mean, as long as they aren’t blaming me, I’d say no.”

“It doesn’t seem like Vecna either. No broken bones or eyes caved in—” Rising to his feet, Eddie hastily turned off the tv and reached for his jacket. “Eddie—”

“I agree. No Vecna. I’m, um, I’m going to go for a walk.”

“Is this how it’s always going to be?! Are we just going to be awkward around each other now? She wouldn’t have wanted that, Ed.”

A smooth, sarcastic laugh escaped the metalhead’s lips as he turned to face his friend. 

“Yeah? Well, I wanted her here and she’s fucking dead. We both don’t get what we want.”

“So, you’re just going to sully her memory like that?”

“Oh, fuck you, Harrington! She’s the one that ran off even though I told her not to move. She’s the one that decided to fight instead of listening to you and not being a hero. She’s the one who DIED IN MY FUCKING ARMS!” As his voice cracked, he paused to collect himself. “Y/N’s gone. She doesn’t get a say anymore.”

With that he turned on his heels and slammed the door. 

“He’s always been really hot headed hasn’t he?”, the vision of you giggles as you kick your feet against the counter. 

Steve never told anyone for fear of coming off as insane but this is how he processed you no longer being around; he pretended you weren’t gone.

“Yeah, just like you.”

“Excuse me! I was stubborn but not ‘hot headed’, jerk.”

His head hung at the word “was” as his bottom lip began to tremble. Jumping off the counter, you slide over till you were just inches from his side. Even though you weren’t really there, he swore he could smell you.

“Steve, baby, look at me. He’ll be ok… you both will.”

Shaking his head, he wiped the tears that had begun to fall but when he moved his hands away the image of you disappeared. 

“I love you, honey. I miss you so much.”

############

Eddie pulled his hood over his head as he powerwalked in what he thought was no particular direction. Even after being exonerated people still scowled and hurled insults his way. The ones that hurt him the most were the ones about you. 

Because they couldn’t bring your body back, it was assumed you had died with everyone else. Your family still held on to hope but in the worst way. You parents used to love him and Steve, treating them both like family but after Chrissy’s death everything shifted. They told you to stay away from him and in turn you told them to fuck off. 

Anytime they saw Eddie, they begged him to tell them where you were or where your body was so they could properly grieve. He ignored them as best he could but it killed him because he knew the truth. That’s something he and Nancy could connect on. Every time she told him about her experiences with Barb it comforted him to an extent. He hoped one day he could give them peace like her friend’s parents got. 

Stumbling over his feet, the metalhead finally took note of his surroundings realizing he had walked to Hawkins Cemetery. Sighing heavily, he gave in and let his feet continue to lead him till he was in front of your plot. 

“Y/N Y/L/N. 1986. Loving Friend, Daughter, and Girlfriend.” 

“Fucking basic shit. You were way more than that.”, he grumbled as he took a seat facing your stone. 

“I’m angry with you; so fucking angry. I told you to go up the rope but you insisted I go so I could catch you like Steve had. I should have known better. How could you do that? How could you leave us like that?!”

“I didn’t do it by choice.”, the vision of you replied in a sad but calm tone as you sat on top of your own stone. Eddie’s jaw tightened as he looked in the opposite direction. “Still ignoring me?”

“You’re not real.”

“True…but it helps Steve. At least that’s what you hope after hearing him talk out loud to me the other night. He really hates being alone, you know? He wants to talk to you but—”

“I can’t talk about you with people. Not yet.”

“Ok, then don’t talk about me. Maybe talk about D&D or Steve’s day. Anything else. Eddie, just because I’m gone doesn’t mean you two stop being friends.”

“Don’t preach to me, babe. I don’t want to hear it.”

“What do you want to hear?”

“Nothing. That’s all I ever fucking hear now. I don’t hear your stories about work or your family. I don’t hear you laughing at my jokes or your sarcasm when you’re making fun of Steve for his lack of movie knowledge. I don’t hear your fucking breath in the middle of the night when you’re sleeping or see you bite your lip when you’re thinking about something complicated. I don’t feel your fingers in my hair when I’m lying on the floor listening to music or your lips against mine. Why, Y/N? Because you’re fucking DEAD!”

The vision of you watched with sympathetic eyes as his shoulders shook and he sobbed in his hands. After a few minutes, he wiped his nose on his sleeve, finding you sitting cross legged in front of him with your knees inches from his own. 

“I don’t know how to live without you, sweetheart.”

“Eddie… I never loved anyone on this planet as much as I loved you and Steve. If it meant keeping you both safe…I would die again.”

“It was our job to protect you.”

“And you did such an amazing job.”

Shaking his head, he glanced towards a tree in the distance before turning your way to find you gone. 

“I love you, baby.”

################

Steve’s eyes snap open at the sound of glass breaking before quickly grabbing his bat and slowly stalking to the kitchen. 

“Jesus Christ!”

“I just go by Eddie but…” They both exasperatedly laughed as the other boy lowered his weapon. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. I just left the cemetery and I didn’t realize it was so fucking late.”

“Did, um, were you going to see her?”

He could have responded sarcastically but your words lingered in his mind. 

“Yeah… I just needed to hash some things out with her.”

“I know how you feel. Sometimes I get really angry at her to but then I get confused because I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Yeah.”, Eddie laughs as well. “Fuck, this sucks.”

As his friend nodded, a shadow on the wall caught the former jocks attention. It looked like a figure but that can’t be right because they were on the fourth floor of their complex. Just as he began to glance to find out what it was, their window shattered causing both men to fall to the ground and cover their heads. 

Steve recovered first, swiftly grabbing his bat and blocking the weapon that begun to swing down towards the metalhead. To his surprise it did stop it but as soon as he pushed the figure back, the bat cut cleanly in half. It took him a few seconds to realize the stranger in front of him was wielding a sword causing him to duck out of the way as the person continued swinging it at him. 

While trying to find something to defend himself with, he heard Eddie call his name and turned just in time to see him slide another sword his way. 

“Isn’t this fake?!”

“Please! We’re nerds! Do you think Y/N and I would buy anything fake!?”

Just as Steve unsheathed the weapon, it clinked loudly against the strangers. Both beings went toe to toe with the pretty boy surprising even himself. He got too cocky, however, lowering his guard just enough for the figure to punch his chest knocking the wind out of him as he fell to the floor. 

The armor the figure was wearing loudly tapped against each other as they stepped forwards and pointed their weapon at Steve’s throat. With wide eyes, he watched as the person took off their helmet and casually tossed it to the ground as their hair fell around their face.

“Y/N?”

The boy whined as you tilted the sharp weapon up towards his chin causing him to stretch his face out of the way. 

“My master sends his regards.”, you hiss as you step back and raise your sword. 

Before you can do anything, something hard collides with your head and you faint to the ground.

“Ok, I’m not dreaming right? Or hallucinating?”, Eddie asked as he reached for Steve’s hand to help him off the ground. 

“No, dude. At least I don’t think so…”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not watching my sick goddaughter and then not wanting to watch her sick brother

*fake names used obviously

Two days ago I got a message from my goddaughter's mom, Nancy, saying that my goddaughter, Natasha, had thrown up at school. The reason Nancy let me know was because her husband would be picking up Natasha's little brother, Dennis, who I watch from 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM most days.

Anyway, I have an extreme, irrational fear of throwing up. So after Nancy let me know Natasha was sick, I was afraid Nancy would then ask if Natasha could come over to my house the next day along with Dennis. Nancy works the night shift so she sleeps during the day and her husband works from 8 AM to 4 PM. I've watched both kids since they were infants. I love them as if they were my own, but when they're sick with a stomach bug, or just throwing up for whatever reason, I would prefer they stayed home away from me so that I can avoid getting what they have lol.

I've always felt bad about this, because they're little and I feel like at my grown age I should be okay with being around them if they've thrown up. Yet, I find myself internally freaking out about getting sick AND I get so paranoid I swear I make myself sick sometimes. Nancy knows this about me.

Sure enough, Nancy calls me and nonchalantly asks if Natasha can come over the next day with Dennis because the school told her Natasha couldn't return for 24 hours. Usually I would give in and say yes because I feel bad saying no, but recently my brother's have reminded me that Nancy only pays me 200 dollars every two weeks to watch Dennis four days a week, eight hours a day. Nancy has acknowledged that she'd have to pay way more at a daycare, so she appreciates what I, and my family do for them.

I love the kids, I really do, but despite having known their parents for so long it feels as though Nancy and her husband only really see me and my family as the help and almost expect us to always be available. Or maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities onto them about not feeling appreciated enough? Which I know is bad, but it's instances like this that have bothered me in the past. You wouldn't take the children to a daycare if they've thrown up right? Or if they're sick with something like covid (which they gave us like two years ago), or if they have a fever, but they've brought them over anyway. It feels mean, you know? Like I love the kids, but I don't want to get sick. Maybe I'm just a horrible, paranoid, awful person and I do think that sometimes. Ha ha, is this an instance in which it would be ok to set a boundary🤔😭

On top of that, I don't charge Nancy extra (nor does she offer to pay) when she asks me to watch the kids on the weekends for a few hours or when she's got time off of work and wants to bring them over. I know this is my fault, because I do not charge her, but again I feel bad asking for more money. My biggest fear for a long time was that she would stop bringing the kids over if I did ask for a little raise or asked her not to bring them over if they were sick, but was always reminded by my brothers that Nancy didn't want to pay for daycare. Still I felt too ashamed to ask for more babysitting money or for Nancy or her husband to keep the kids home sick, and again I feared she would find someone else to watch the children.

Anyway, I told Nancy no. I was very apologetic and reminded her that I get really paranoid when someone is sick throwing up. I told her I just didn't want to get sick because then I'd be out for one to two days. Which would mean I wouldn't be able to watch Dennis and she or her husband would have to miss out on a day of work. Nancy sounded let down, maybe annoyed? I'm not sure, I can't remember. I am kind of spiraling about it  as I'm typing this out now. I feel really bad that I said no, especially because Nancy called me from her car so Natasha heard me say no. Luckily, Natasha was happy that she would get to go spend time with her mom at work. Nancy works in an office as the manager of a warehouse, so it's not like Natasha had to wait in some break room or alone somewhere.

Then tonight I get a message from Nancy saying Dennis threw up, and the panic set in all over again. I feel bad telling her to keep him, even though she eventually offered to keep him home after my many questions: what time did it happen; did he only puke once; does he have a fever; how is he feeling now? I'm sure she's annoyed that I might say "Yes, please keep him." Because that would mean she would either have to stay awake with him and not sleep before work tomorrow night, or that her husband would have to stay home. I think I'm going to tell her to keep him. I feel bad, but I guess not bad enough, huh? I'm trying to justify it to myself, I know, but that's why I'm here. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[resident-gay-bitch]

🦇 Stranger Saturdays 🦇

Will x Mike (Byler) cute getting together (3k words)

“Hey, what are you drawing?” Mike asked, almost falling out of the chair he was swinging on to get a good look at the page Will was entirely focused on. 

“None of your business, nosey.” Will scoffed, turning his page even further from Mike's view. But he glanced up, rolling his eyes and shaking his head with a soft look on his face, considering Mike for just a moment before turning back to his drawing. 

Mike felt himself blush at the fleeting attention. Mike always feels a little flustered with Will's attention, and it was only recently that he became aware as to why. 

It took El dumping him, which was not the best feeling. Getting dumped, whether one actually has feelings for their girlfriend or not, will always be a punch to the gut… and the ego. 

It was when Mike was complaining to Lucas about it later that things started clicking into place. 

You don’t love me, She said, You spend more time looking at your best friend than you do at me. 

Why don’t you call me as much as you call Will? 

When we were both hurt, you went to Will first! 

It took Lucas actually slapping him around the head to get it. To get why. 

And it’s infuriating; knowing that you’re in love with your best friend, that is. Mike was very happy being completely ignorant to the fact, thank you very much. At least then he could be a little bit soppy without feeling like he’s gonna be crowned town pariah. 

Besides, it’s agonising, wondering if his feelings could possibly be reciprocated. But he doubts the fact. The chances of Will being queer in this small town too are already slim, and the chance of him loving Mike, out of everyone else? Well, that's even slimmer. 

Lucas is a far better option. 

Hell, even Dustin! 

Even Steve, and that’s really saying something, because Steve is annoying as all hell and a total loser. 

But sometimes… sometimes it feels like… Sometimes Mike gets his hopes up, and it’s like a little spark in his chest that's fighting to not blow out. He never wants that spark to die. 

He blows a raspberry at Will and brings his chair back down to four feet, playing off his stumble very cool-ly so the teacher doesn’t take his chair away from him again. He gets told about some made up kid that swung on his chair, cracked his head open and died, at least once a week these days. 

“You don’t have to see everything I draw.” Will comments after a while, sensing Mike's blatant disappointment with the fact. 

He loves how easily Will can read him. 

Though, he’s sure his dramatic sighs and groans are obvious enough for anyone to read at this current moment. But in a more general sense, even when Mike is adamant on keeping his emotions on lock. Wills just… he’s got this way about him; an internal compass that points directly at Mike's moody feelings and gives him step by step instructions on how to cheer him up. 

“But I like everything you draw.” Mike sighs, leans a hand on his chin as he melts onto the desk, neglecting his work completely. 

“Well, you can like everything else. This is just for me.” Will says, attention completely on the page again and Mike has never been jealous of paper, but suddenly, he is. 

“I can never see it?” Mike pouts, “Not even when it’s done?”

“Nope.” Will shakes his head, keeps sketching. 

“Why not?” Mike asks, nosey, nosey, always nosey when it comes to Will Byers. 

“Because…” Will sighs, stops for a moment to glance up at Mike before his attention is gone again, “It’s embarrassing. It’s… it’s stupid, okay, it’s just for my own practice and enjoyment. It’s not even good.” 

“I’m sure it’s great–”

“Whatever.” Will rolls his eyes and smiles, “I’m too embarrassed to show you, so leave it alone. Maybe when were thirty.”

“You better keep it ‘till we’re thirty then.” Mike huffed, laying his upper body flat on the desk now in a dramatic display of boredom, “Can’t believe you won’t show me. I thought we were best friends, I saw your butt once, nothings embarrassing–”

“You didn’t mean to see my butt!” Will laughed, “Stop using that as an argument for everything.” 

“Sorry.” Mike groaned, poking his tongue out, “I just want to see your art.”

“I’ll draw something else to show you later.” 

Mike blew another raspberry, and Will completely ignored him. This feels similar to torture, for Mike. He’s not sure what to do with himself, when Will ignores him. No matter how many fart noises he makes, how many bad jokes he cracks, no matter how much he wails and wiggles around, Will just ignores him. Barely even laughs!

And Mike feels utterly betrayed by this, and maybe a little heartbroken. He lives for Will's attention, and more importantly his happiness, and most importantly his affection. And in this current moment, Will is refusing Mike all of those pleasures. 

And he’s too embarrassed to show Mike his drawing. Which is insane, because it’s probably something cool like a freaky weird dragon, or The Party going to battle or something. 

Or maybe it’s something creepy and haunted. Will does that sometimes, draws his nightmares, the pictures getting more and more graphic as he ages. And he tends to not show Mike those, so Mike doesn’t have to worry about them. But Mike always finds out, and he worries anyway, because he just wants the best for Will. Wants to make everything better, or as good as he can. 

He only hopes to bring Will half as much comfort as Will brings him. 

“William.” The teacher calls, peering down her glasses and waving him over with a finger, “I have a question about your essay.”

Will glances over at Mike and pulls a sour face before hopping up. Mike gives him a sympathetic smile, hopes Will doesn’t get detention or anything. Though, it would be funny since he’s the only one out of the Party who hasn’t gotten a detention yet. Somehow. 

Mike watches them, as Will pulls up a chair with a little annoyance. And Mike feels that annoyance even more, because that means Will is going to be up there, and away from Mike for a while. And Mike already misses him. 

Boredom gets even worse, and Mikes got this bad feeling stirring in his gut. He’s desperate to know what Will's drawing. What he’s so embarrassed about. And he knows it’s bad, knows it’s a boundary to peek, but Will has never kept a drawing from Mike before. Not really. 

Sure he’s chosen not to show things to Mike, but if asked, he’ll share. He’s never denied Mike the ability to awe over his best friend's work. 

So, when he’s not looking, Mike leans over in his chair until there's only one leg of it on the ground. 

He’s wobbling, one hand on the corner of Wills desk to attempt to help support him, his tongue strategically poked out of his mouth, and he’s glancing over at them every couple of seconds to make sure he’s not going to get caught. 

And with his middle finger, he’s able to carefully lift the corner of the closed page to catch a tiny peak. 

But he can’t quite make it out, so he dares a glance to the front, and lifts the closed page higher. 

He furrows his brow, because he’s sure he’s seeing things– Or, he’s not quite sure what he’s seeing at all. 

He stretches his arm as far as he can to open the page almost ninety-degrees, and staring up at him, coloured fully in vibrant pencil, is a portrait. 

A portrait of Mike. 

And it’s… wow, it’s amazing. 

Mike has never thought he was all that good looking, but this drawing really does him a good justice. And his hair looks fucking great. 

The portraits got every one of his freckles, his dimples, the smiling wrinkles of his eyes. Behind him is golden and warm, cast in beams of light that set him centre stage, making him look almost godly. Makes it seem like he’s actually something worth looking at. 

And when his eyes fix on the little hearts floating around his head, and the scribble of “Mr. Will Wheeler” down the bottom, Mike falls out of his chair. 

He splats down on the ground with a clatter, his chair somehow bouncing off the ground and landing on his back, ow. 

“Mike Wheeler! How many times have I told you not to swing in your chair?” The teacher bellows for probably the millionth time. 

Mike just groans in response, this is humiliating. He’s never fallen out of his chair before. And to do so in front of his whole class? Humiliating. 

He can hear Max somewhere in the classroom laughing her ass off. Total trator. 

“Detention. Now!” 

Mike rolled his eyes and got himself to his feet, collected his things and headed towards the front of the class. Not without a sparse glance at the sketchbook again, now closed, thankfully. But Mike knows what’s nestled within. 

As he walks to the teacher, to collect his detention slip, Will shakes his head laughing. He seems relaxed, which means he didn’t see Mike peaking, which is good for now, since they can’t talk about it. 

Shit. 

They have to talk about it. 

In haste, Mike collects his detention slip and races out of the room. He obviously doesn’t go to detention, instead he ditches school and skates around town because he’s freaking out and this is the only way he can think to pass the time and calm down. His moms probably gonna kill him, but whatever.  

Mr. Will Wheeler. 

Mike's heart is in his throat and his hands are trembling and he’s sweating and riddled with nerves. He doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. 

Mr. Will Wheeler. 

This is… everything. 

He’s spent so long skating around and rambling in his own head about what to do, he didn’t realise school had gotten out. He only realised when the sun began to tint the sky orange and warm, casting Hawkins in a golden glow that made something once drabby into something worth looking at, just for a moment. And Mike thinks about the portrait. 

And he thinks about it. 

And he thinks about it. All the way to the Byers house. All the way to Will's bedroom window, which he climbs through without knocking. 

“What are you doing?” Will asks, a hand to his chest from the spook Mike caused. He almost dropped his cup of soda, sitting it down on his desk, flicking his sketchbook closed before Mike's eyes could pry, he thinks, “Where'd you go after English? Are you okay, you seem off?” 

Mike shook his head, sets his skateboard down under the window, drops his backpack, “I saw your drawing.”

Will's face turned ghostly white, “What?” 

“I looked.” Mike said plainly, almost lost of breath completely. Who knew talking to the guy he loved, knowing he felt somewhat the same, would be so breathtaking, “I’m sorry, but I looked. I saw what you drew… what you wrote.” 

“Fuck– Mike, I’m– I–” Will began to stutter, slowly trying to back away before he collided hip to his desk, “I’m so sorry, please don’t–”

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Mike said, very still in place, “That okay?”

“That– What?” Will asked, cherry red now, clearly as terrified as Mike was. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Mike said again, nodding to help convince himself to actually do it. To kiss him. To kiss Will. 

“You’re…”

Mike nodded one more time before charging forward, grabbing Will by the face, and kissing him. 

Will definitely didn’t pull away. 

In fact, he grabbed Mike back, pulling him closer and closer. And this… this is that fairytale shit in all of Holly's story books. This has got to be true love, or something. 

It’s gotta be. 

“Honey, I’ve got– Oh!” 

The both of them split apart all too fast as the door swung wide open, Joyce standing in it, staring at them both. Mike is about to freak out. 

“I’ve been waiting for this to happen– keep the door open, please. Are you staying for dinner, honey? We're having meatloaf.” 

Neither of the boys answered for a long while. Clearly just as confused as the other. It took Joyce shaking her head at them, confused, to jolt Mike into action. 

“What?” He asked, stuttering it out. 

“Are you staying for dinner?” 

“Uh… S-sure.” Mike said, because he’s not very good at saying no to Joyce these days. 

“Okay, can you two set the table for me then?” 

Mike and Will were still stuck standing in place, each a little worried to move. Mikes a little worried that the moment he does move, Will will take all of that back. 

“Hello?” Joyce said, now standing with her hands on her hips, “What is with you two today– is it because I walked in on you kissing, because I’ve seen worse, you don’t wanna know the things I’ve walked in on Jon doing–”

“Ew, mom.” Will scoffed. 

Joyce laughed, walking over into the room to tidy up Will's bed, “Don’t worry about me. Anyway, dinner will be ready in ten, so come out quickly.” 

“Okay, mom, can you please…”

“You’re okay with it?” Mike asked, terribly pale in the face. 

Joyce froze, turning her head to look at him for a moment, considering the pair. With a sigh she wandered over, her soft hand on his cheek, and she has to look up at him now– at both of them. She keeps going on about how they have to stop growing so fast. 

“Honey, all I want for my boys is happiness.” She smiled, leant up to press a little kiss to his cheek, “I’ve known about this for a long time, longer than you, I’m guessing. I’m surprised Will didn’t tell you that we’re okay with this around here. And don’t worry, I won’t tell your mom anything you don’t want me to.” She said with a wink, turning and leaving the room. 

“Ten minutes.” She called, as if she hadn’t just said the most meaningful thing she’s ever said to Mike, “Jon, El! Dinner’s almost ready, come help your brother and his boyfriend set the table.” 

Mikes heart is in his throat. 

“Boyfriend?” Came three consecutive shouts throughout the house. 

Beside him, Will groaned, shuffled over to his bed where he flopped down face first into it, “This is mortifying.” 

“Mortifying?” Mike scoffed, “Your mom just told your whole family we were in a relationship before we even agreed on a relationship!”

Will turned his head, peaking one eye up at Mike, “But… we’re… we’re in a relationship?”

Mike could feel his cheeks burning up, and he’s sure he looks stupid, blushing this much. But it can’t really be helped after kissing the boy he loves, and with the prospect of more. 

Mike nodded his head, and Will turned back into his bedsheets. The two of them stayed like that for a moment, equally as nervous, equally as awkward. They were only torn out of the best new seconds of the rest of Mike's life when they heard Hopper shout out from the kitchen. 

“Not Mike again!”

On the bed, Will broke out in hysterics. 

“He hates me.” Mike muttered. 

Rolling onto his back, Will smiled, reaching a hand out for Mike. And when he took it, his hand felt like it was burning, sparks flying everywhere. Will's hand is so soft and warm, and Mike doesn’t want to ever let go. He lets himself be dragged over towards the bed. 

“Yes, he does.” Will says through laughter, “But he's just gonna have to put up with that.” 

Before Mike could get another word in, Will yanked him down onto the bed, Mike toppling over on top of him. And they were kissing again. 

And Mike never wants to leave this moment. He’s sure this is the best thing he’s ever done, other than asking Will to be his friend that day on the swing sets. 

He can’t wait for the rest of their lives. 

ive never written byler before so this was fun yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i think they're so sweet and i cant wait for them to become cannon in season 5 :)

ive been rooting for them sincei was 14 and watching season 1 when it first came out and thinking oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck they remind me of myself and my best friend oh fuck does this make me gay too?

[tojiscumdumpster]

CHAPTER THREE - TOJI

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

 “How’s school going, kid?” 

 Dinners with Megumi are always tense. Awkward. Silence most of the time until one of us says something, which is usually never. There’s a few things we don’t do together anymore, but eating at the table remains. And it looks like he still likes it when I make shogayaki based on how he cleared his plate. 

 I didn’t have the best childhood or teenage years growing up. Actually, it was traumatic as shit. The scars scattered across my body remind me everyday. So it’s hard for me to give love, be a father to a boy when I wasn’t given that myself—especially without the help of my wife. 

 But that doesn’t mean I can’t try. 

 Whether Megumi wants to admit it or not, we’re alike in many ways. I mean, he has my fucking face for fuck’s sake. He’s stubborn as shit like me. Smart mouth. Slightly tempered. Not talkative. The list can go on and on. 

 And in other ways, he’s a lot like his mom. Caring. Full of life (when he wants to be). Optimistic. Selfless. Earnest. 

 Lately, I’ve been getting the side of Megumi where he took after me. 

 I get it. I haven’t been the best father to him these past seven years. I practically had him fending for himself or dropping him with Kong when I didn’t feel like taking care of him. My wife’s death fucked me up bad and I took it out on Megumi. 

 He didn’t and doesn’t deserve that shit. He didn’t ask to be in this shitty ass world. We’re in another country. I’m his sole guardian. His only parent, and it’s about time I start acting like it.

 So if that starts by me making small talk at the dinner table, then so be it. 

 “School’s fine,” he answers, flatly. 

 I take a sip of my ginger ale.  “Made some friends?”

 He gives me an annoyed look. “It’s only been a week.”

 “Some people make friends fast.” 

 “I’m not looking to make friends.”

 Yep. Definitely my kid.

 “Okay. Well, what about your teachers?” I take our empty plates to put in the sink.

 “They’re alright. One of them is pretty nice. My reading teacher.”

 “Yeah? What’s her name?” Megumi tries to do the dishes, but I push him away. “I got it.”

 “Miss L /N. She wants to set up a parent-teacher conference.”

 “She said when?”

 “Monday at three.”

  Shit. I start work at four. 

 “I know that’s near your work time, so I can tell her you can’t-”

 “Nah, it’s fine. I can make it. If anything, I’ll call in late.” He nods and gives me a tight smile. 

 A shitty expression, but I’m taking whatever that’s given to me. I’m honestly surprised he’s even talking to me this long. 

 “I have a kid from school coming over tonight. He wants to watch a movie,” he announces.

 “I thought you said you didn’t make any friends?”

 “I didn’t.” Is all he says before he goes to his room and shuts the door.

 Progress was made, I guess. 

  I wouldn’t automatically assume Megumi hates you… He’s adjusting just like you are . 

 Words of Y/N replays in my mind. I’ve been thinking about her all fucking week. I didn’t even bother to meet up with one of my on-call flings after I met Y/N because I knew no one would compare. 

 Not after when I felt those sweet full lips and perfect ass of hers. My fist has been meeting with my cock too many times to my liking at the thought of Y/N.  

 In the shower. Before and after work. When I wake up. When I go to sleep. I kept fucking my hand imagining it was her pussy wrapped around me. 

 I know Y/N would take me well. She’s just so damn thick. Perfect height and body. A sexy, smooth and soft yet raspy voice. How she whimpered in my mouth. 

 Fuck, she’d be a good girl.

 I’m never one to be desperate to have sex with a woman, but I’m beyond desperate. I need to fuck Y/N badly. Hard. Deeply. Have all of my cock fit inside of her pussy until she’s screaming that she can’t take it.  

 Everything about her is just so damn sexy. And I’m not only talking about her looks.

 I’m usually the type to fuck and go, but something tells me I would want to lay down next to Y/N and hear her talk forever. 

  Forever?

 What the fuck is wrong with me right now? Do I hear how I sound? Like a goddamn lover boy. I just wanted to fuck her. Not spend forever with her. 

 I know her pussy would be good, but forever good?

  Yes . 

 That’s a question I know never will be fucking no. 

 It’s been days. I went back to the bar everyday this week hoping that I would see her.

 I guess I’ll try again tomorrow. 

 Enough thinking. Time for work.

 “Fushiguro, you’re working third floor tonight with Gojo. Bachelorette party.”

 Fucking great. Not only am I pairing up with the annoying motherfucker, but also having to babysit drunk women. 

 Working at a VIP luxury club isn’t the worst, only if I’m able to do my normal shit like walk the floors. However, nights like these, especially Fridays where we usually have multiple events booked, it annoys me. 

 Because who gets stuck with the shit? Me.

 The club owner better be fucking lucky he pays me generously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing most of the things he asks. 

 Bachelorette parties are not my favorites because most of the time women think I’m the sexy and mysterious security guard stripper . In their fucking dreams. I don’t crave that kind of attention. Hence why I took a job as security so I don’t have to talk as much.

 “Fushiguro, aren’t you glad we’re working together tonight?” The white haired fucker, Gojo, asks me.

 “Are you trying to fuck with me?”

 He smirks. “Depends. Is it working?”

 “Dude-”

 “Satoru, if Fushiguro punches you in the face again, don’t come complaining to me.” Another one of the securities joined the banter. Geto Suguru. 

 Usually, they pair those two together, but tonight they want to leave the babysitting to me with Gojo while he’s walking the floors. 

 Not looking forward to tonight. 

 At all. 

 “Fushiguro acts like he hates me but he doesn’t. Not when little Megumi loves me,” Gojo says. 

 I snort. “Is that you think?”

 “I’m practically his big brother.”

 Some of the men here are acquainted with my kid since I brought him to work with me in the beginning. Not an ideal environment for a kid, but didn’t have enough money to afford a babysitter. And despite him being twelve at the time, I had enough sense to not leave him alone in a foreign country. 

 “Yeah, whatever. Let’s just get this night over with.” 

 I head out the changing room to go to our post on the third floor. The club is damn near already packed and it’s not even eleven o’clock yet. People are drunk and dancing, bumping into me and shit. 

 Another thing I don’t like about nightlife.

 Rather than take the elevator, I use the stairs because it seems like the ladies for the bachelorette party are using it to bring up their set up. Looks like some of them are already up here.

 The moment I step on the third floor, I attract eyes from the women. They ogle me like I’m their dinner for the night. And believe it or not, having the attention on me is not my favorite. Like I said earlier, I’ve been dealing with women almost half my life. I offered my sexual advances for money to fend for myself after I was disowned by the Zen’in Family. 

 I’m single and forty-two. I still have my sexual needs, and it’s not often I’ll deny a woman that offers herself if I’m attracted to her. But that doesn’t mean I want to be stared at all night. 

 “Ouh, are you one of the male strippers? Sexy bad boy security guard? ” one of the women asked. Brunette. Grey eyes. Average height. Not too bad on the eyes either. 

 “No. I’m actual the security guards to babysit you, and make sure you don’t fucking puke everywhere.”

 She giggles, twirling her hair around her finger. “Well, I’ll try to be on my best behavior, Mr. Security.”

 Definitely not my type. 

 I give her a tight nod and walk to the back of the section out of eyesight.

 Eventually the rest of the ladies join to begin their party. Gojo comes up the stairs late, per usual, and the attention turns to him. Unlike me, he likes when women stroke his fucking ego. All better for me while we’re up here for the night. 

 My assumption is that the bride-to-be just entered because of all the screams and her dressing in white. Am I still allowed to be fucking annoyed by unnecessary loud noise while working in a night club? Yes. 

 I solely chose this job because it requires less talking and gives me more money. 

 And I don’t play when it comes to that. 

 For the most part, time is going by fast. Thirty minutes turns to an hour, and an hour turns to two. Full house club and drunken bachelorette party. Gojo, of course, entertains them, but I stand in the same spot. 

 “Aren’t we missing someone? I hear the bride ask.

 “Yeah, Y/-”

 “I’m here! I’m here!”

 That voice sounds familiar. No, I know that voice. When I look over to the section, deep skin that glows under the colorful lights, coils pulled in an updo, stilettos with a tiny fucking dress that’s cut out around the waist. 

 Y/N. 

 And fuck, she looks damn good.

 “Y/N, you’re late,” the bride-to-be pouts. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

 She kisses her on the cheek. “I know. I’m sorry. I had like three thousand tests to grade, then I had to go pick up your gift. Then, freaking Nanami. It was just a lot,” she explains. “But I’m here! And you have me for the rest of the night.”

 “Okay, sounds hectic. So, you’re forgiven.” The bride-to-be pours a shot of tequila in a glass to hand to Y/N. “Here. You have a lot of catching up to do. As you can see—we’re drunk.”

 Y/N giggles. “Oh, gosh.” But takes the shot and downs it anyways. 

 She makes her rounds to greet the rest of the party and it’s like they all gravitate to her. Like the true life of the party has arrived. 

 I study every interaction. I watch how those pretty lips move and spread a smile across her gorgeous face. It’s only been a few days and it feels like she’s gotten prettier since I last saw her. 

 My cock hardens at the thought of having Y/N’s ass in my hands and her full lips on mine again, maybe this time while she’s naked and riding me. Or preferably in that dress. It’s so damn short and tight. Her love handles shows, and again, she’s not wearing a fucking bra. 

 It’s like she’s begging for me to suck her pretty tits. I will if she wants me to. 

 “Shit, Fushiguro,” Gojo says, coming near me to interrupt my thoughts. “Being up here isn’t bad after all. All these beautiful women, especially the one that just came in. The thick one? She’s beyond gorgeous.”

 I let out a territorial growl and shot daggers through his skull. Y/N isn’t mine, but she’s mine. 

 “Off limits.”

 He laughs. “What? That’s your girlfriend? I doubt she wants a geezer like you.”

 “I’ll fuck-” And before I could respond, it’s like Y/N felt someone staring at her because when she turned around, we made eye contact. 

 She smiled a few times since she got here, but none of the smiles compares to the one she’s giving me right now. It shows her excitement. Her attraction. Her amazement of seeing me, like she never would me again, the same way I thought about her. 

 Y/N says something to one of the other women before making her way to me. Her walk, how her legs look, especially while wearing those heels. How those full fucking hips sways—it’s sexy. She’s sexy, and I’d be damned if she doesn’t know it. 

 “Toji Fushiguro.” Her voice is calm and relaxing. “We meet again.”

 “We do.”

 She closes the space between us but still keeps a respectful distance, just enough to have her vanilla and warm berries scent invade my senses.  

 “Hi, big guy,” she breathes, sexually. 

 Y/N calling me big guy causes my dick to twitch in my pants. I really need to readjust myself right now, but it would make it real obvious how hard I am. 

 “You look beautiful,” I tell her like it’s a fact because it is. 

 “Thank you. You clean up well, too.”

 “Just work uniform.”

 She shrugs. “Then maybe I need to start coming here more often.”

 This time I don’t need to ask if she’s flirting with me like last time. I know she is. Her body language is telling me that she wants me to fuck her. 

 There’s just something so organic about our chemistry. Our barely started chemistry, which makes me feel like we’ve been at this our entire lives. I refuse to believe we’re just strangers. 

 “You’re too pretty to be talking to him,” Gojo snorts. 

 Y/N gives him an annoyed expression, arching her brow. “And you’re too much of an asshole to be talking to me.”

 The balance between Y/N being sweet and spicy makes a pervert out of me. Fuck. 

 Although I didn’t need the defending, it’s funny knowing not every woman is willing to stroke that motherfucker’s ego. 

 He doesn’t say a word. Just walks back to his side of the section while smirking at Y/N. But of course, she pays him no mind. 

 “I hope all your coworkers aren’t like that to you.”

 “I don’t really care if they are or aren’t. I’m here to make my money and leave,” I said.

 “I suppose. I still don’t like that, though.”

 “Come here, Y/N.”

 She completely closed any bit of space that kept us apart and pushed her breasts against my chest. I look down at her, dragging my eyes to her tits to see how full and swollen they are. Perfect size to put my cock between. 

 “Are you going to touch me?” she questions, invitingly. 

 “I can’t. Club rules. Unless we’re not seen on the floor.”

 She raises her brows, smiling. “So… behind closed doors, you can?”

 “I can.”

 All she does is smile and go in the direction of the stairs, but first stops at the section. 

 “Ladies, I’ll be back. The security guard is going to show me where the bathroom is. I’ve never been here before.”

 “Let us know how the dick is!” someone yells, leaving Y/N laughing while walking away. 

 I can neither confirm or deny that Y/N and I are going to fuck, but how she’s looking tonight, I’m willing to take whatever she gives me. 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

[ominous-feychild]

Incorrect Quotes Tag

Rule: use this generator to create “incorrect quotes” for characters in your wip!

This tag was going around for a bit months back, but I'm reviving it!

WAVES OF MISFORTUNE

Zarina: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Cricket, rushing in: Zarina! Yesval tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Flavie: What are your adjectives? Yesval: …You mean my pronouns? Flavie: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives? Yesval: …I dunno. What are yours? Flavie: Noisy and chaotic! Yesval: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

Yesval: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off? Flavie: What? No, I— Benji: *enters room* Yesval: *jaw clenches*

Flavie: *gasp* Yesval: wHAT?? Flavie: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Yesval: *inhales* Tián, in another room with Benji: Why can I hear screeching?

Benji: ARE YOU- Tián: Fucking. Benji: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Tián: Fucking. Benji: IDIOT! Cricket: …What was that? Tián: Zarina banned Benji from swearing, so I’m helping him out.

Cricket, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please. Benji, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller. Cricket, now looking directly at Benji: Go fuck yourself.

Benji: Do dragons fart fire? Cricket: I don't know. Benji: I thought you went to college.

Cricket: Please pray for Benji. Tián: What happened to him? Cricket: Nothing, he's just very stupid.

Tián, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Benji, the love of my life, for telling me Flavie was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

Tián: Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat? Benji: I don’t usually eat with losers. Tián: Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

Tián: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

Zarina: What are you two arguing about this time? Benji: She's always using common phrases incorrectly! Flavie: Cry me a table, Benji.

Flavie: What do you guys do when you're stressed? Zarina: Try and calm myself down! Benji: Sleep. Cricket: Get myself into even more stress, so that the first reason for my stress gets cancelled out. Yesval: I don't.

Tián: Good night. Benji: Sleep tight. Yesval: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself. Zhihao: Great, now Benji's crying.

Flavie, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Flavie: Is this a good idea? Flavie: Probably not. Flavie: Do I care? Flavie: No.

Tián: I think Flavie is in trouble. Yesval: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

Flavie: Benji, what are you doing tomorrow? Benji: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

Benji: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me. Flavie: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Flavie: Benji told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued. Yesval: You probably were. Flavie: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

Zarina: What makes you all smile? Tián: Friends and Family. Flavie: Snacks. Benji: Victory and success. Yesval: Face muscles.

Benji: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Benji, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down. Flavie: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven... Cricket, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven? Benji, spraying Flavie: You FUCKING DUMBASS! Flavie: Dude, I forgot- Benji: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!? Zarina: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Flavie: Why would anyone want to harm Benji? Yesval: Maybe because they met him?

*the TV is freaking out* Tián: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support. *unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes* Tián: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.

Zarina: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Yesval, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Flavie: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk. Flavie: *cuts piece of cake* Benji: ... Can I have some? Flavie: Cake is for talkers.

RISING FROM THE ASHES

Kieva, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

Carmin: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Sammy: Make lemonade! Carmin: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Kieva: Your smile looks forced. Carmin: That’s because it is.

Tián: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

Kieva: I need life advice. Tián, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

Tián: Do you ever think? Because I do not.

Caron: That's it, you're grounded! Tián, no adventures for you! Roman, no fighting for you! Taj, no stealing for you! And Al... oh gods, is there anything you love? Al: Revenge. Caron: No vengeance for you. Al: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

Tián: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box. Kieva: That’s a trash can.

Mei: Are you this rude to everyone?! Carmin: Yup. Carmin: Don't think you're special.

Carmin: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Mei? Mei: … I’m sorry. Carmin: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

Mei: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single? Carmin: Do not do that. Mei: You won’t even notice! Kieva, entering: Mei, you wanted to see me again? Mei: Carmin's single Carmin:

Mei: Did you win? Or just not die? Mei: Either way, hooray. Carmin: ...Is "no" a valid answer? Mei: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

Sammy: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Sammy: I choose to waive that right! Sammy: *screams*

Flavie: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? Aditi: We're chopsticks! Flavie: Well... that's cute! Flavie: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? Tián: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Aditi: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now. Carmin: Uh, Tián and Taj are not getting along. Aditi: They’re not trying to kill each other. Carmin: You may have a point.

Zain: You’re alive. Roman: No need to sound so disappointed.

Elazi: Alright, so the vampire's gravestone is— Roman: Cenotaph. Elazi: What? Roman: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honouring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph. Elazi: I'm... not sure that's how it works if the body gets up and walks away on its own. Roman: There's a precedent for gravestones being reclassified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing. Elazi: Okay, but the body is very much coming back. That's kind of what we're here to accomplish. Roman: So it's a temporary cenotaph. Elazi: And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity. Roman: Semantic ambiguity is how vampires get you.

Elazi: Do you want to know your gay name? Roman: My... my gay name? Elazi: Yeah, it's your first name- Roman: Haha. Very funny Elazi- Elazi: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Roman: Oh- oh my god.

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[medusapelagia]

Raisins and nuts

I 'm trying to stretch my Stommy's muscle so here it is a little something with a tiny touch of enemies to lovers if you squint. (I know… four fluffy fics in two weeks… who am I? I don't recognize myself anymore!!!)

written for @stommybang Prompt: Food/Cooking Rating: Teen and Up Relationship: Steve/Tommy TW: none Words: 2273

Read it here or on AO3

Sometimes food is just food. It’s your body’s fuel. It’s a series of things you eat to keep yourself healthy and alive.

Other times food has a deeper meaning. It’s not the thing you’re eating, it’s the fact that someone cooked that thing for you, knowing that it's one of your favorites, without thinking about calories or nutrients.

Steve’s Nonna used to ask him what he wanted for lunch while he was having breakfast, and Steve always gave her a very annoyed reply, complaining that he couldn't think about lunch at that hour in the morning. Nonna Rosa never got offended, she used to nod quietly, pinching Steve's rosy cheeks, another really annoying habit of hers, and return to the kitchen where at least three boiling pots and pans were waiting for her.

Nonna loved him, and the only way she knew to express her feelings were Parmigiana, Crocché, and cheeks pinches, but Steve didn't understand that till the day she died and his parents started to hire nanny after nanny.

None of them ever asked Steve what he wanted for lunch, or even if he liked all the plates they cooked for him. They just make these flavorless but nutritious plates and give him raisins and nuts for a snack.

Everyone at school laughed at him and his raisins and nuts snack, but even if Steve tried to ask for some cereal for breakfast or a donut to eat during the break, the nanny of the month always denied him, condemning Steve to a life of raisins and nuts, hidden in the back of the cafeteria.

At least until Tommy moved.

Tommy H, as everyone called him to differentiate him from Tommy Bennet and Tommy Ramos, preceded Steve in the alphabetical order, which meant that Thomas Hagan Jr and Steve Harrington were destined to be friends, whether they liked it or not. 

Every time the teachers made them work in teams, Tommy and Steve were on the same team. When they had a school trip, Steve and Tommy were sitting side by side. Even during PE, their team was always the one with the boys whose surname started with the letter A to the ones whose surname started with L.

Even their houses were close, and Steve's nanny started to drive both boys to school and back.

One day Tommy's mom was busy, so she asked Lauren, Steve's new nanny, if she minded keeping an eye on both kids for a few hours, offering to pay for her services. Lauren, who was smart and knew perfectly well that both the kids were old enough not to cause too much trouble, immediately accepted and that was their first official playdate.

Once they became friends, Steve's snacks, usually made of raisins and nuts, finally transformed into every kind of snack Tommy had in his school bag. Whatever it was: chocolate, chips, crackers, or candy bars, they always shared them. And if Steve had a bad day, his parents didn’t call or he didn’t pass a test, Tommy was always ready to come to his place to cheer him up, bringing some snacks.

That's probably why, just a few hours after Nancy Wheeler dumped Steve in front of everyone, Tommy is at Steve's place, holding a six-pack.

Steve’s first instinct is to tell him to fuck off. Their friendship started to crumble since he fell in love with Nancy and he’s not in the mood to be morally beaten by his ex-best friend. They stare at each other in complete silence for a long moment, then Steve clenches his jaw and crosses his arms, ready to face Tommy’s attack.

"Are you here to gloat?” he snarls, “Because if it's so-"

"If it's so, what? Huh? Are you going to punch me in the face?" Tommy chuckles, leaning against the wall with the same self-confidence he always had. "Come on. Let me in." Tommy asks, pushing Steve out of the way.

The house is exactly as it always was: huge, cold, and empty. 

Tommy makes himself comfortable on the cream couch, grabs the television remote control, and puts his feet on the coffee table just to piss Steve off, giving him a bold stare, but Steve has already had an awful night, so he sits next to him, snatches a beer from the beer pack and puts his feet next to Tommy's. He cracks it open, not caring about the golden liquid that spills on the Persian rug.

"What happened?" Tommy inquires, picking a beer while in the background some fake laughs from the television fill the uncomfortable silence.

"Didn’t you see? Nancy dumped me."

"Why?" 

Steve is handsome and rich, no girl in her right mind would dump in. And surely not like that, in front of everyone.

"Because she's smart," Steve replies, gulping down the beer and throwing the can against the television like an angry old drunk.

"If she dumped you she's not that smart." Tommy simply states, sipping his own beer.

"What do you want, Tommy?" Steve asks, his eyes are red and puffy and he’s slouching on his mother's expensive couch like he has all the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Check on a friend?" Tommy replies, lifting an eyebrow.

This time Steve and the television laugh simultaneously.

"We're not friends anymore. And I saw you with Hargrove at Tina's party," he replies, snatching another beer.

"What, do you demand to be my only friend? Like when we were kids? Sorry to break it to you, Harrington, but you're the one who chose a girl instead of me."

"What about Carol? Huh?" Steve hisses, projecting all his venom into those words, trying to make Tommy bleed and retreat. But he doesn’t.

"We were a fucking trio, Steve. You, Carol, and I. We were invincible. Then you fell head over heels for Little Miss Perfect and everything went to hell." Tommy growls back, crushing the tin can in his hand.

It’s the truth. They were a trio. They were always together. Carol was the only constant in their life. Tommy and Steve fought and made peace so many times, but Carol was always there, popping a Big Babble annoyed and pushing their foreheads one against the other until they didn’t get into their thick skulls that they were best friends.

“I man up,” Steve replies, his stare pinned on the TV show to avoid looking at Tommy.

The light flickers and the television cracks for a moment. Power outages happen a lot in Hawkins, but Steve can’t avoid shivering in his seat looking at the wall with terror.

"You man up, huh?” Tommy mocks him, bumping a fit in Steve’s shoulder, then he adds, in a soft voice, “You ok?"

"I..." Steve rubs a hand through his hair, "I'm a bit nervous I guess." Steve lies. 

Monsters are gone, Steve reminds himself, they made sure of it. Still, every flickering light makes him jump.

"I got a couple of Musketeers.” Tommy says, fishing a couple of candy bars from his jacket, “I hope they're still your favorite because I had to beat a kid to get them." 

Steve lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed, "Did you beat a kid for real?"

"Nah, but I scared the shit out of him." Tommy chuckles, while Steve unwraps the candy bar, breaks it in two, and gives half to Tommy. It’s a reflex. They always splitted everything.

"I have another one." Tommy reminds him, staring at the half-candy bar.

"I know."

Tommy snorts, and then he asks, "Do you remember when you used to come to school with those stupid raisins?" 

"Of course I do. I fucking hated them."

"I didn’t.” Tommy replies, biting his candy bar, “That's how we became friends. Real friends, you know? The kind of friends who can tell each other everything. The kind of friends that spend all the time together. That sleep in the same bed.” 

There was a time when Tommy and Steve experimented with one another. It was normal, they used to say to each other. If they were always the last ones to leave the lockers was just because they kept making pranks, not because they took advantage of those few minutes to steal a kiss or a rushed hand job against the sink.

For a moment, Steve stares at Tommy’s profile. The dim light of the television emphasizes all his freckles, the same freckles Steve tried to count so many times, only to lose count and start kissing his best friend. He turns his head toward the television, "We're too drunk for his kind of discourse."

"We're the perfect amount of drunk for this kind of discourse," Tommy replies, turning toward him. Their legs are so closed that Steve can feel the warmth of Tommy’s leg against his and the stare he’s giving him leaves no space for misunderstandings.

"I had a girlfriend, Tommy. And she dumped me." Steve reminds him while he drinks his beer.

"I have a girlfriend too. But I'm here. We're here. Eating candy bars and drinking beer. And I'm wondering… Do you miss it? The intimacy we used to have?"

“It’s not… I like girls ok? I like boobs and-”

“I like both.” Tommy simply states, taking a last bite of candy, “I like both. Women and men.”

“So Carol��”

“She knows. And she’s the one that kicked my ass and told me to come here. That this could have been my chance.”

“Your chance to do what?”

“This.” Tommy’s hand moves to the back of Steve’s head, getting them closer enough that they are sharing the same air. Steve’s warm puffs of breath hit Tommy’s lips when he stalls for a moment to give him the time to pull back, and when he doesn’t he closes his eyes and kisses him.

They both taste of cheap beer and melted chocolate, but the electricity that runs through them is the same they felt that first night they kiss in Steve’s bed during a storm. 

Steve's second can of beer falls on the rug, spilling everywhere, but Steve doesn’t care, he opens his mouth and moves his tongue gently, licking Tommy’s lips like he was asking permission before kissing him with a passion that Tommy reciprocates.

“We shouldn’t…” Steve says, pulling back, “It’s the alcohol. You know it makes me horny.” he says, trying to escape from Tommy’s tight grip.

“Do you want to know what I think, Steve? It’s not the alcohol that makes you horny. It makes you free. No more mental walls, just desires that want to be fulfilled. Am I wrong?”

Steve stares at Tommy, ready to tell him that he’s wrong, that Steve is not like that. Only… only maybe he is. Maybe he fought with Nancy because he saw Tommy with Billy. Maybe…

“I have one condition.” Steve says, seriously, “Don’t leave. After… Don’t leave.”

“Did I ever leave?” Tommy snorts, but quickly promises, “I won’t leave. I swear.” 

Steve takes his hand and guides him upstairs, to his room, the same room where they have played, and slept, and kissed. And shared everything.

Even raisins and nuts.

Permanent taglist: @katyawriteswhump

[indecentpause]

Writing Share Tag

tagged by @magic-is-something-we-create to just share some writing! thank!

cw: bullying mention, homphobia mention

oh Meara, honey

“You don’t get trauma from being bullied because you’re ‘too gay,’” you say, bunny quotations and all. “Well. You can,” Josselin says. You frown. “Look, I’m not saying you should be required to see a therapist just so you can get meds. But just. Give it a shot with an open mind, at least at first, okay? Pretty much every sliding scale mental health clinic makes you see both anyway, so, you know. If nothing else it’s a random person to talk to once or twice a month about things that are stressing you out.” You and Danny share a skeptical look. Frankie jostles his shoulder and says, “Hey, he has to go anyway. Lots of people go to therapy.” “I was in court-ordered therapy for a while after my mom died,” Josselin offers, like he’s trying to be helpful. “When I was with one of my foster families. I kept getting into fights.” He continues, just glancing right over it, like it’s common knowledge when he’s never mentioned it to you before. “The first two therapists were terrible but the third one helped me a lot. You don’t have to do it forever. Eventually you’ll get insurance through work and you’ll be able to pick your own doctors. But I don’t think it would hurt, for now, as long as you have one that gets you.” Your brow furrows and your frown pulls down even more. “You used to get in fights?” “Oh, yeah,” he says. “All the time. That’s why my foster parents at the time eventually just let me get my GED. They figured I’d be less annoying if I wasn’t getting in trouble all the time.” “Oh,” you say, soft, surprised. “I. I guess we never really did talk about your life when you were a teenager much.” “I prefer not to think about it,” Josselin says. He flips his ponytail forward over his shoulder and flicks the end of it in your direction. “A high school boy in the early aughts with long hair? The only kids who didn’t give me shit were the stoners and the drama kids.” “I’m sorry,” you say. “I’m sorry I didn’t know.” “How could you?” he shrugs a shoulder and says, “I never told you. I can’t expect you to read my mind.” For a long moment, the four of you sit quietly, until you let yourself fall against Josselin and bury your nose in his shoulder. “You okay?” Danny asks. You nod. “If you’re feeling it, we were thinking of having a band meeting today. We couldn’t have practice because we didn’t want to stress you out even more than we figured you would be with the doctor. But we were hoping we could all sit down and talk.” Your face goes cold and pale. Danny’s eyes widen and he holds up his hands. “Nothing bad!” he reassures you. “We just all know you’ve been struggling and we wanted to figure out what our best course of action would be. You know, a semi-hiatus, or going down to one practice a week, or whatever. Don’t worry, Meara. We would never kick you out.” You breathe again. “Yeah,” you say softly. “I’ve always been okay onstage. I just. There’s no room for anything else then. I can’t afford it. But I know I’ve struggled at practice a couple times.” “Yeah,” Danny says gently. “I’ve seen.”

tagging @winterandwords @frostedlemonwriter @revenantlore @loopyhoopywrites to share some writing! whatever you want, as much or as little as you want. :)

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Black & Blues taglist: @lynnedwardswrites

[luwritesomething]

since you wrote xmas how about halloween with Mickey pls?

Mickey Altieri Heacanons: Halloween.

Warnings: Maybe there's swearing?? It's me, so...

Edited?: Like always, no.

Reader's pronouns: Not stated, gender neautral.

Summary: Halloween with Mickey Altieri

Author's note: HIIII thank you for requesting <3 i decided to do these in form of headcanons since i had a brain rot and couldn't think of anything to write as a story. hope you like them!!

criticism, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! requests are open, especially for scream! hit that anon button and tell me your ideas.

in the scream fandom, i write for billy loomis, stu macher, mickey altieri, chad martin-meeks, mindy martin-meeks, tara carpenter, anika kayoko, laura crane

you bet mickey celebrates halloween like it’s bigger than christmas

it’s not that he doesn’t like christmas, he actually likes that one

but halloween is so underrated and dumbed down, in his opinion

he’s organizing a marathon of scary movies/movies that have anything to do with halloween for you too

even special episodes from tv shows he rarely ever watches,,,

MATCHING COSTUMES

not like a couples costume, MATCHING.

listen,,, this man would be down for having his costume match with yours in some way

even if it's different costumes from different movies, something like you wearing something red and him wearing the exact same thing

does that make sense????

oh and if you don't like dressing up, you bet this man is going to try and convince you to dress up with him

"just for me, this once? pleeease. it'll be fun!"

the scarier the merries, as he says.

you bet he’s volunteering for haunted house or corn maces or whatever implies being around people during the halloween time, especially if it’s with little kids

(i headcanon him as someone who does like little kids lol)

he’s so good with telling scary stories, the type you hear in camps or from older brothers that just want to freak you out

get ready for jumpscares, because he’s not stopping until christmas

he doesn’t like carving pumpkins, in fact, he hates it

it’s the smell, for him…

mickey is also rereading every single stephen king book he can get his hands on

halloween is a longer period for him, also… it starts the first day of october and ends in december first. the halloween night is just the top of it

every week, it’s a theme for the movies. like, week one it’s zombies, week two is vampires, week three ghosts, week four slashers… mickey is very organized with this.

scooby doo. that’s it, that’s the headcanon.

probably attends every dressing up party he can, and he’s dragging you with him. 

“we’ll have a great time, babe!”

actually, him saying "it'll be fun!" is a constant when it's halloween

don't be fooled, it's always a constant with him.

lectures people about the slasher genre

LIKE FULL HOURS OF LECTURES about how the slasher genre is amazing and groundbreaking and even though now it's kind of considered boring, it's actually really important because---

please save whoever he's lecturing because he's not moving on from the topic and whoever he has cornered isn't escaping unless you drag mickey away

BEAMS when in film class they start talking about horror movies because of halloween

decorates his dorm with all kinds of halloween ornaments — fake webs, skeletons, bats, fake blood, you name it.

the fake blood.

the motherfucking fake blood.

mickey will casually go to class with fake blood in his clothes and just smiles when anyone asks him.

he can’t bake shit, but if you can, get ready to be annoyed with your baking having to be decorated with halloween colors or things.

he can get annoying, but we love his enthusiasm for halloween

one day he’ll probably make a short movie during halloween, the type with very corny dialogue and shiny blood, the type that it's rather cringy and embarassing, but a good memory still

i feel like he would be surprised that not many people actually find halloween fun outside the drinking and partying

i mean not surprised,,, but why isn't anyone else appreaciting it??

as a person who loves halloween, i might be projecting.

mickey would be so fun to be around with, though. he's like a kid in christmas

or a kid in halloween lol

but like, more excited

you BET he'd like to have a house in a nice neighborhood and keep lots of candy for the kids trick or treating

he wants to have kids and go trick or treating with them

well, that escalated quickly.

no kids for now

just having fun watching movies and being dumb during the best time of the year !!!

[klm-zoflorr]

Aot incorrect quotes part uhhhhh idk seven or something

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: Yeah, so they wanted to put me in the beginners' class with the little kids

Niccolo: So what's the issue?

Sasha: I don't want to be around a bunch of 5 years old! They can be so cruel when they sense weakness

Connie: That's why on the first day you have to beat up the biggest one in the yard. Assert dominance, you know.

Niccolo: Jesus Connie that's juvie rules not cooking class rules

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: We’re in constant need for a new microwave because Commander Hange keeps exploding stuff in ours.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I mean, come on, it's all fine. Let's just hug it out. Come on! Hug it out!

*The Warriors struggle into a group hug*

Porco: *patting himself out* Who took my wallet?

Gabi: Oh! ...Sorry.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath, talking to general Calvi: I just don't think fries for lunch really fits the "health conscious" image we're trying to sell

Gabi, following them: *in between two coughs* Cowards

Commander Magath: Excuse me?!

Gabi: What's not clicking?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Grandfather... Am I ugly?

Mr. Yaeger: What nonsense! I'm looking at you right now, you're the most beautiful little man in the world!

Grisha: Father, am I ugly?

Mr. Yaeger, not even looking up from his newspaper: Very much

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: You know, studies show that the brain does some of it's best work when it's not trying. That's why great ideas come in the shower.

Zeke: Mh. For me, it's usually you who c-

Porco: Don't finish that sentence.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: When you said "I'll show you some magic in the bedroom", I'm gonna be honest, I wasn't expecting that kinda...

Eren: *pulls out an ace of spades from his deck* Now, was that your card?!

Historia: Holy shit

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: *taking a swig out of his flask then holding it out to Pieck* You want some of this?

Pieck: Sure why not *takes a swig*

Pieck:

Pieck: Is this soup

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: I'm the type of person that likes to think things through.

Udo: I once saw you try to eat a marshmallow that was still on fire

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Hey Gabi. Pssst Gabi.

Gabi: What?

Falco: Hi!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner (about Eren): We can't kill him!

Mikasa: Not with that attitude we can't

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: So, how are you two doing?

Annie: I think I accidentally stole a dog

Porco: I'm not doing too well, I have this headache that comes and goes, super annoying.

*Reiner enters the room*

Porco: Oh look, there it is again

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I'm so useless

Porco: No you're not! Look, at least you'll always be able to be used as a bad example!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: You shouldn't be using a straw

Hange: I know, it's bad for the environnment or whatever

Mikasa: No, it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Mikasa: Only if you also don't ask why

Mikasa: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

Hange:

Mikasa:

Hange: This one is fine

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I've got a riddle for you. What's got four legs and isn't alive?

Mikasa: Nice try, but I know this one. It's a chair.

Hange: *holding dead dog* Not this time!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Have you ever gotten checked for any, you know... weirdness?

Hange: ...Where would I go for that?

Historia: There has to be a doctor that specializes in that!

Hange: In "weirdness"?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath, answering the phone: Hello?

Kidnappers: We have your son

Commander Magath: I don't have a son

Kidnappers: Oh, then who's the little kid who asked us to cut the crust off his sandwich and for a glass of chocolate milk?

Commander Magath, covering the phone: Oh my god, they have Falco

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren on top of his founding titan: I SEE NO GOD UP THERE...

Eren: ...OTHER THAN ME!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Annie, how did you find me?

Annie: I just saw a giant explosion and wondered "who else could that be?"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Zeke is playing hard to get.

Pieck: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: "wHy diD yOu cOmMit mUrdEr" I'm an extrovert, next question

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Sasha, are you crying??

Sasha: No, I'm just having an allergic reaction!

Historia: To what?

Sasha: To life!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: How is the most beautiful person in the world doing?

Eren: I don't know, how are you?

Zeke, across the room: I'M DOING GREAT!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Would you slap your brother for 100 bucks?

Zeke: I'd slap Eren for looking at me wrong

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!

Mikasa: *Helps Armin into the counter*

Sasha: *Pushes Connie off the sofa*

Historia, hanging from the ceilling light: Two types of friends

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: I came as soon as I heard! Is it true you're terribly ill?

Commander Magath, laying in bed with a scarf around his neck: You sound so hopeful

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Just... Be yourself!

Mikasa: Be myself? Krista, I have one day to win Eren over before he goes on that mission. How long did it take before you guys even started liking me?

Jean: Couple weeks

Armin: Six months, and I'm still scared of you when you raise your voice a bit too much.

Ymir: Jury's still out

Mikasa: "Be myself" What kind of garbage advice is that!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: I'm out tonight.

Jean: Oh yeah? Gonna go on a date? Get some hoes?

Connie: You know I'm not like that!

Jean: My bad

Jean: Wait are you asexual I didn't know this

Connie: No. Just lame and bitchless.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get the chance?

Eren: No

Jean: No

Hange: Yeah. Didn't think so.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, to Eren: I'd sell you to Satan for one corn chip, but if you ever want me to commit war crimes for you? Don't even need to ask

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, sing-songing: I am looking for trouble and if I do not find it I will create it!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: me: going 100 mph (mistakes per hour)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: You need my help?

Reiner: Well, I would not phrase it like that.

Zeke: Well, if you want my help, you better phrase it exactly like that.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Jean, can I talk to you for a second?

Jean: Yeah, what's up? Oh, let me guess. You and Annie are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Armin: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I've read books.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: Here's a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Mikasa: Sasha no.

Gabi: Call it mistlefoe!

Reiner: Please stop encouraging her.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Mikasa's helping Jean out after he got injured, while the others are watching*

Reiner, walking in: How does Jean look?

Annie, looking between the both of them: A little better than you, actually

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. I want to be set loose.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Onyankopon: *gets down on one knee*

Yelena: Oh my god, it's finally happening.

Onyankopon: *falls over*

Yelena: The poison is kicking in!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: But what about Eren?!

Armin: Don't worry about him.

Armin: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Erwin:

Erwin: Hange, I swear, if I step outside and all of my mugs are on the front lawn...

Hange: *Sips tea from bowl*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: The Warhammer is a very powerful titan. You'll be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.

Eren: Sounds like a dare to me!

Zeke: Oh my god

Zeke: How did you survive that long on your own?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: *walks into an art museum*

Zeke: Hello, I am here to donate myself.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Can I say something that will probably annoy you?

Reiner: Since when do you ask for permission?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Hitch: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Annie: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: You can’t expect me to stab somebody on an empty stomach.

Armin: I’d prefer you didn’t stab anyone at all.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hitch: If Armin and I were drowning, who would you save?

Annie: You two can't swim?

Armin: It's a hypothetical question, Annie! Who would you save?

Annie: My time and effort.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Armin and Hitch are standing in the rain*

Hitch: *banging on the door* Annie, open up!!

Annie: Well, it all started when I was very young...

Hitch: No, I meant-

Armin: Let her finish

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Armin and I don't use pet names, that's ridiculous.

Mikasa: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Annie: Honey?

Armin: Yes, sweetheart?

Annie:

Mikasa: Don't lie to my face ever again

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Hitch: I will bet every penny I own that I'm not.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*At a restaurant*

Reiner: You guys should try the orange soda, it's amazing

Porco: Okay

Marcel: Sounds neat

Waiter: And for the drinks, what can I get you?

Reiner: Orange soda, please!

Marcel: I'll have the strawberry juice.

Porco: Me too, strawberry juice as well.

Reiner:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Erwin: Living well is the best revenge.

Hange: Yeah, but obviously I'm not gonna do that. What's the second best. Cutting their brakes, right?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kidnappers: We have your girlfriend

Armin: You have Annie?

Kidnappers : Yeah. We want ten tho-

Armin: Good luck with that. *Hangs up*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I don't think the therapist is supposed to say "wow" that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Ymir said I only have 4 days left to live.

Historia: You're sick?!?!

Eren: No, she just doesn't like me.

Ymir, shouting: I'll fuck you up on Tuesday!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: *Pointing at strange, non-identified liquid* Is that gasoline?

Sasha: I'm pretty sure that's just water

Eren, lighting a match: Well, only one way to find out

Eren: *Throws the match. The gasoline ignites*

Armin: *Screams*

Jean: THERE WERE MORE WAYS TO TELL!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: Kenny, my old arch enemy!

Zeke: Hey, I thought I was your arch enemy??

Levi: I have a life outside of you, Zeke

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I know you snuck out last night, Gabi

Pieck, muttering: Play dumb!

Gabi: Who's Gabi?

Pieck: Not that dumb!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I'm a bit of a rebel, too, you know. Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container

Pieck: The cow???

Gabi: What?

Reiner: Pieck, WHY?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck, consoling Annie: Things are going to be difficult. But you-

Reiner: *from behind the door* -are going to be difficulter

Marcel: *also from behind the door* That's the spirit!! Be a problem to your problems! Mark your territory!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Levi shatters a window and climbs through it*

Levi, turning around and helping Mikasa through it: Breaking and entering is wrong Mikasa.

Mikasa: ...Okay

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, rolling down the car window: What seems to be the problem, officer?

Levi: Get the FUCK out of my car

Sasha: Okay, okay. Jee.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: Where are you all really from?

Reiner: Liberio

Ymir: I'm sorry

Bertholt, a little louder: He said Liberio

Ymir: No, I heard. I'm just sorry.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: You have a face that only a mother could love.

Levi: Yes. Your mother, in fact.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie, sent to assassinate Hange: *creeping behind them, knife in hand*

Hange, loudly: I hope no one is about to attack me from behind because I'm thinking about baking pastries later.

Annie:

Annie: What kind?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco, sitting on a balcony: *sneezes*

Gabi, crawling on the roof: Bless you

Porco: God?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange, to Zeke: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the fact that you're a terrible person keep you up tonight <3

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Don’t wish ill upon strangers.

Eren: Great advice but remember if someone has slighted you they are no longer a stranger but an enemy hope this helps

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: *Banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Zeke: Stop that! How would you feel if I banged you on the side of the table?

Pieck: I- I don’t know the correct answer to that question…

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: What if I pour coffee in my cereal instead of milk?

Colt, taking the coffee pot as he walks by: What if you don't.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt: Do you think Reiner has been doing okay lately?

Reiner, running after a garbage truck: COME BACK! YOU FORGOT ME!

Porco: Yeah he seems pretty normal.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Armin, your magazine arrived! And Eren, I organized all your mail into three categories: "From your brother," "Death threats," and "Death threats from your brother."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: Ackerman! A word, please. Gabi tried to steal one of those Thunder Spears.

Levi: So?

Commander Magath: She was caught doing something she shouldn't have and should be reprimanded by someone she admires, say, you.

Levi: What?! This is unacceptable!

Commander Magath: I know, right?

Levi: Criminal even!

Gabi: Oh come on...

Levi: Who taught you how to sneak around?! Ah, if it had been me you would never have been caught! Come on now, three rounds around the castle, that'll teach you to be a bad thief you little brat!

Commander Magath: NOT what I meant-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Look. I know that from the outside it seems like I have everything together.

Tom Xaver: No, not really.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tom Xaver: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

Zeke: What did you do M. Xaver?

Tom Xaver: A MISTAKE

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: You're my best friend and like a father to me, I would do anything for you.

Tom Xaver: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Zeke: Absolutely not.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, to Tom Xaver: Come on, you know I've never been one to half-ass shenanigans

Tom Xaver: We're talking about betraying our country and possible genocide here.

Zeke: Shenanigans.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: Wanna play 21 questions??

Historia: Sure, I'll start. What's your favorite color?

Ymir: Triangle. Do you like girls?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa, after Eren did something stupid again: I'm too tired to slap you for that today. Just bash your face into my palm really hard.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, at Liberio: You came?

Mikasa: You called.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: You came?

Porco: ...That's what she said

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: You came?!

Gabi: You called.

Reiner: I didn't fucking call you. YOU eavesdropped on a PRIVATE conversation and decided it was YOUR BUSINESS to come here and bother all of us!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

~~~the beginninge of it all~~~

[eccentric-nucleus]

covid stuff

the last several years have really done a number on my emotional wellbeing. like i would have already said on the whole i tend to be a fairly unhappy person but it's definitely gotten substantially worse with covid. basically every time i go out there are these waves of sadness and anger that just kinda wash over me continually. it's not great.

i don't really like being around people. when i was a kid i got yelled at a lot for, like, not wanting to go to the babysitter's, not wanting to spend time around other people, not really wanting to be in any kind of position where i could be observed by other people. there was a lot of, you know, "listen everybody has to deal with other people sometimes, and part of existing in society is not making things an enormous hassle for other people". yeah yeah plenty of stuff makes you miserable but it is genuinely not the responsibility of other people to restructure their whole lives around whatever upsets you; sometimes you have to just suck it up and deal for the overall good of, like, society. sure. it feels like i am constantly tolerating a lot of things for the good of society

and then covid hits, and it becomes clear that nobody really meant that, not really. i learned the lesson wrong and thought the point was 'for the good of society' and not 'people should never be expected to restructure their lives'. oh, right, it was always about normality all along. if keeping things normal requires hassling some introverted kid, then we gotta hassle that kid. if keeping things normal requires millions dying and who-know how many getting serious, still-unknown long-term medical issues from a plague, well, that's just a cost we'll have to pay. i'm kind of furious every single time i go into a building and i see nobody wearing masks. it's the smallest fucking thing but this vast confluence of habit and pressure means that oh i guess even that was too much to ask.

like a little personal information, i guess: literally every single time i have gone outside in the past four years i have been wearing a mask. it's been annoying! i got pressure bruises on my nose several times! i'm really lucky i don't actually have some job that requires me to interact with people for 8 hours of the day, b/c then i'd have to have figured out something that doesn't wear away at the flesh of my nose longterm. wearing a mask kinda sucks, actually. it's still such a small fucking thing to do and it has such a well-documented impact on transmission rates

it's not like covid went away! covid is going to be around for the rest of human history! waves will come and waves will go, and it's still mutating furiously, & all we can really hope for at this point is that at some point, uh, probably in the next hundred years, it spreads to a form that doesn't give people organ damage. another huge scientific breakthrough that manages to kill off the common cold would be okay too, i guess.

just... seeing all of society go laser-focused on pretending things are fine and nobody needs to go out of their way to mitigate risk or accomodate other people just seems deeply and utterly grotesque. a profound and utter abandonment of any sense of morals or ethics, just to keep things Normal.

so yeah covid on the whole has made me a much more unhappy person. i go through this whole train of thought basically every single time i step outside, which is probably unhealthy. but that's how it is

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 27: Captain Mom (SMUT)

Season 5 Masterlist

*Strong start to the chapter, but I'd like to say that I hate this episode with a burning passion, and I'd like to have a word with whoever wrote this piece of utter—shall we continue?

To make this steaming pile of garbage slightly more tolerable, I decided to give myself a gift and write a lovely yet self-indulgent smut idea I've had in my filthy little head for quite a while now. It's not particularly explicit, but trust me, I have a long list, and most of them are so bad I'm saving them for a special chapter. Wink-wonk ;)

Please enjoy what I've written. I hated every word of this creepy, disturbing, weird, utterly confusing chapter (apart from the smut) :)

Ray was a tough guy. Strong, reliable, honest, lovable, gentle - he was all those things, or at least he was to (y/n). 

She could ramble for days on how perfect he was, from how he protected the city from whatever threat ran towards it to heading their operations in the Man Cave to caring for their growing family. 

Ever since Piper joined, his home had been busier, noisier and crazier than ever, and he was in charge of all of it. How many children did he have to worry about now? Four? Then, there was Schwoz, too, even though he was pretty low maintenance, and of course, he never stopped worrying about his sweet girl after vowing during his proposal that he always wanted her to be safe, happy and loved. 

The pressure never stopped; it was like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, something (y/n) never forgot. He never let on, but it got to him sometimes - the stress of having thousands of people looking to him for guidance, not that Swellview's citizens or his family saw it. 

She did, though. 

(y/n) could spot the signs with pinpoint accuracy, especially after a few gruelling days of back-to-back missions. He got grouchy in the evenings, snapped at Henry for merely existing, barely ate dinner, and wriggled and writhed throughout the night like it wasn't his favourite spot in the world. 

Of course, she was by his side throughout it all, so when he got grouchy, her mood dipped. When he snapped at the kid, she apologised on his behalf. When he barely ate dinner, she picked at the pasta on her plate, which wasn't as tasty as it had been ten minutes previously. And if he wriggled and writhed through the night, you can be damn sure that she laid awake next to him, wondering what she could do to help him. 

"Ray..." she called out as he stomped down the corridor toward their bedroom, her following closely. That mission had been frustrating - anyone who used a paintball gun as a weapon was some sadist who wanted nothing but chaos to reign as he pelted the three heroes with his ammo. 

They were small, but goddamn, those balls hurt like hell. Ask Ray; he acted as a human shield so his sidekicks could get close enough to disarm the miscreant, but all those shots took their toll, and now, he was in a fouler mood than ever before. 

"Yeah, sweet girl?" he replied quietly, his tone clipped and tired like he just wanted to be left alone and was holding back from lashing out, but he could never do that to her. She only wanted to help, so he instead focused on stripping off his painted-splattered uniform with sharp, frustrated movements before tossing them into the laundry basket by the wardrobe. 

Definitely in a bad mood. 

(y/n) wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it. If he was sad, she knew what to do. Same with if he was scared, annoyed, or confused. They were easy enough to solve and soothe, but stress-induced frustration wasn't something she came across often because of how much he stamped it down. 

However, over the last few hours, she'd had a chance to mull things over, meaning she wasn't without a plan that she knew would tickle his fancy - a mutually beneficial plan. Now, if only he gave her enough time and room to set it in motion. 

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Ray asked over his shoulder as he slumped onto their bed and began pulling at his bootlaces like they'd done something wrong. He couldn't take off his utility pants until they were off, so she admired his strong, muscled back and began disrobing, too, whilst he fiddled with the annoyingly tight weave. Once off, he threw the shoes into some godforsaken corner he didn't care about and promptly removed his blue pants, too, minding not to get paint everywhere as he did. 

"You're stressed. You act like you're fine, but you're not," she muttered as she came up behind him, kneeling on the bed in the bulletproof underlayers of her uniform. Her fingertips slid over his body, drawing shivers from the man when he felt her front press to his back and her lips land on the junction of his neck and shoulder. 

"Come on, doofus. Talk to me..."

"S'nothing..." the words weren't much more than air passing through his teeth as she let her arms dangle past his chest, meaning her hands were free to roam his pecs and the very top of his washboard abs as he leaned into her embrace and sighed. He would never leave if he could stay in her arms, where his worries flew away. To be just a man who loved and was loved, not the hero who bounced back at the snap of someone's fingers whether he wanted to or not. 

"If it bothers you, and I know it does, then it's not nothing. Tell me, Raymond..." It sounded stern, but the accompanying kiss on his cheek and how she nuzzled her face into his neck said otherwise. At that moment, she had the power to turn him into just a loved man, who loved her in turn, and she wanted his weakness after seeing too much of his strength. 

"It's just...think I need a vacation, sweet girl. Somewhere we can get away from all this bullshit...just you and me," he muttered and lolled his head back to rest on her shoulder as she kissed up his neck, taking reference from how he did it whenever life got too much for her. 

That's what this was; he did it for her, and now she'd do it for him - whatever it was or whatever he needed her to do. 

"But... I promised to give you the happiest day of your life, darlin', and I intend to keep that promise."

"I don't care what our wedding's like, doofus. I just want you safe, happy and loved as you promised..." (y/n) whispered as her hand drifted up to hold his jaw and turn his face to her gently. Ray groaned lowly as she led a delicate kiss, and he wished more than anything to feel her skin against his, not the silky smooth material of her longsleeved undershirt.

"That promise was for you, pretty girl," he gave a half-hearted chuckle as he remembered that moment when he got down on one knee and promised to always take care of her. Her. No one else. 

No one else could ever be his wife if he recalled those sentimental words correctly, which reminded him; they needed to book another meeting with that florist about the flowers for the ceremony. And he noted that she hadn't eaten lunch yet, so he probably needed to swing by that takeout place down the road, and pick up more straw for Colin's hutch, and--

"We're a team, me and you. I want to care for you too, sweetheart," she confessed into his ear and, in a tactile move, pulled his earlobe between her teeth as her hot breath rolled down his neck. 

Ray immediately felt the air shift around them and his cock twitched when she adjusted her position behind him, allowing her arm more freedom to roam his bare chest. It was strange; his muscles physically couldn't ache, thanks to his indestructibility, but even so, he was tired - wearied in spirits like his soul had had enough of everything piling up on him. But for her, his sweet fiancée, he could stamp it down again if she wanted her strong, dependable hero to fill her aching channel. 

"Don't worry. Captain Man will be ooooo-kay if he gets to have you as his wife." Despite the sudden burning in his core, he breathed out the small joke and rejoyced when he felt her smile against his neck, happy to know he still had the knack. 

It was an admirable attempt to throw her off, to get her to back down and assume their usual routine of him taking dominance and fucking the living daylights out of her, but as her fingers brushed over his right nipple, she made her move. 

"You don't fool me, doof. Strip and lay down on the bed."

"Excuse me?" Ray paused, and it was comical how quickly his head whipped around to show her how perplexed he was. 

He watched with furrowed eyebrows as his sweet girl untangled herself from him, shuffled off the mattress and began peeling her longsleeved shirt from her torso. His dark eyes drank in every inch of her bare skin and cursed the cotton bra hiding her perfect tits from his hungry gaze. 

Stood before him in nothing but her underwear, she smirked at his shocked face and didn't miss how he stared at several spots on her body - her breasts, soft tummy, hips, thighs and his favourite place between them. She knew he wanted her, but she knew what that led to; him making the calls, wanting her to rely on him doing all the work. And that's not what this was about. 

"Let me take care of you for once, Ray. So, come on. Strip, lay face down on the bed and relax. That's an order."

Following her gentle instruction, Ray echoed her movements and removed the final pieces of clothing from his body - the pesky mask glued to his face and the boxer briefs that clung to his thick thighs, more so as his arousal became more apparent. 

He didn't like the idea of surrendering himself, not because he hated the idea of being her submissive, but because he was the carer. He took control in the bedroom and relieved her of any stresses, burdens or problems as he gave her nothing but pleasure, even when she was riding his cock like a fucking queen. 

It was his instinct. Snuggling into the sheets with his eyes closed and her movements unknown was not. 

"I don't know about this, (y/n)..." he mumbled into the comforter as he rested his head on his arms and tried to relax. His nude body was stretched out on the bed, reaching from the headboard to the foot in what his lover described as a chiselled work of art, and he huffed as his eyes fluttered shut because this was anything but relaxing. 

Unable to see, his other senses perked up, painting a scene in his head. He could hear his girl hovering around the room and the unmistakable sound of her bra and panties being removed in what had to be the most unfair striptease ever. He could picture her body perfectly, having had more than enough chances to emblazon it on his brain, but he wasn't supposed to get up and look. 

He was "relaxing". 

Then, he heard her walking around the room, moving from what he knew to be her dresser on the back wall to the bedside on the opposite side of the bed to him - her side of the bed. The rumble of the drawer caught his attention because, to be honest, he didn't know what she kept in there. Lip balm, a hairbrush, her favourite pieces of jewellery, who knows? That was her private drawer, and that was the bottom line. He didn't cross it. Never. Not once. Much like she didn't touch his. 

"You trust me, right?"

"More than anyone else, darlin'..."

"Then, lie there and think of your favourite thing in the world." He could hear the smile in her voice as she returned to his side, the bed dipping next to his shoulders as she clambered across her half. In her hands was an item from the drawer Ray knew she had opened, and it wasn't anything she'd ever paid much attention to. 

"That would be you, my sweet girl," Ray whispered, slowly getting used to lying there and letting her do what he liked. Thank god his eyes were closed, or he would've seen (y/n)'s deep blush, which he always loved to tease her about, so she quickly distracted herself by flicking open the cap of a bottle of sweetly scented oil - safe for use on all parts of the body. 

It came from a generic bath set she'd received from an unimaginative relative who didn't know her well enough to buy her something more meaningful, but it was serving an excellent purpose now as she watched the golden liquid swirl inside the fancy packaging. 

The potent smell of lavender wafted throughout the room as she shuffled a little more on the bed, taking extra care not to trample her beloved doofus as she swung a leg over his body and settled herself over his lower back. Ray tensed underneath her, the move taking him by surprise when he felt one warm hand on his back, and he had to admit, he didn't picture his precious girl straddling him. 

"What are--what's going--fuck, that's cold!" He gasped when she squeezed the bottle, allowing the oil to cascade onto his back and pool in the crevice of his shoulder blades, where it trickled across his skin. 

"Sorry, doof. It'll warm up soon," (y/n) giggled when he jerked underneath her, and in hindsight, she should've warmed it up a bit beforehand. But he soon quietened when her hands glided across his back, dipping into the oil and spreading it across his skin, she could give him a massage worthy of the hero of Swellview. 

Her thumbs got to work almost immediately, rubbing slowly and sensually at the taut muscles beneath the surface. Those shoulders that carried the world were the worst, tense and strained under her fingertips as Ray released the first groan of many. 

They looked so broad from that angle before they dipped into the trim waist between her legs, and she smiled softly to herself as she massaged his neck - even that felt tight - seeing how his eyelashes fluttered from her pleasured touches. His mouth fell open in an O-shape, his tension fleeing as she dragged out every second, moving across the edges of his shoulders and down to his biceps. 

She'd always wanted an excuse to obsess over them, fondle them without stopping and not have anyone judge her. In public, she could get away with the occasional squeeze or cling to one if he wore a hot, tight shirt, but now, he was all hers. Perfect. 

Pouring an extra drizzle of oil into her palm, she kneaded his upper arm, feeling herself grow wetter at their size - so big she couldn't get her fingers to meet across their circumference. But this wasn't about her. 

So what if the intensity made her muscles ache? This needed to be dragged out until words couldn't form on his tongue and every inch of him ached for her, so she kept going, pulling and squishing his arm, switching with the other one intermittently. She knew they took a beating every time he used the gym - every day - and she knew he rarely gave them any time to rest, so she spent a few extra minutes on them until his flesh was pliant and dough-like. 

"Fuck...so good at this. S-so good, sweet girl," he groaned underneath her as she spread the remaining oil on her hands down his forearms. They were as bulky as the rest of him, with thick tendons and veins stretching down into his hands, and she could picture every time they'd been posted next to her head as he fucked her sweet cunt and braced his lithe body over hers. It was unconventional, but she squeezed them anyway before moving on. 

Then, she took his hand, moving his arm slightly bent. Rolling each joint of each giant finger, she sighed silently at the tight palm muscles, knowing they were only so tight from years of hitting a punching bag, some jerk's face or hell, even a brick wall. 

They each told a story, from when he was a frustrated teen working to his father's orders of better, faster, stronger to the sparring session they shared two days prior when he took hit after hit from her but refused to harm a hair on her pretty head. Leaning down, she pressed kisses to each fingertip before tweaking the rough pads, ensuring the blood flowed properly to encourage them to loosen up. 

"I love your body. It's so strong...and hot. Really fucking hot," she chuckled, unable to hide the grin in her voice as yet more oil pooled in the cleft of his spine as she returned to one of his best features - one of her favourites. 

He hummed a response, a faint dusting of pink visible on his cheeks as she resumed work on his back, pushing hard on the taut muscles there before dragging her hands out toward his ribs. 

Ray couldn't help but ache from her words, feeling it in his heart from her gut-wrenching confession as he succumbed to her request and let himself fully relax into the massage - utterly at her mercy. And mercy it was. She did everything for him, slowly kneading big circles, gently pulling each side down and pushing away, relaxing the whole area before moving higher and starting again, kneading, pulling, pushing, dragging moan after guttural moan from his lips. 

His cock throbbed against the sheets, hard and aching for release as her weight pressed it into the mattress. It meant he couldn't grind himself into the cotton-like he desperately craved, feeling pleasure race down his every nerve ending from the angel naked on top of him, but he was too limp and amazed by her to move. 

He wouldn't complain about getting old for at least a few days as she reached his lower back, oiling him up so her hands glided down and across his waist, the one he insisted she wraps her legs around every time he pinned her down and took his fill.

Moving further down the bed, she grinned at the sight of his cute ass, having always secretly loved it for just its general...cuteness. It was so cute at the apex of his cinched-in torso before it widened for his firm, smooth buttocks, which, of course, were firmly kneaded without a care in the world since that's what he usually did. 

Ray Manchester was an ass man, through and through, so his sweet girl held nothing back as she listened to the small voice inside her head that said the soft flesh there was to be touched and admired, which sparked a small want in her. It looked so soft - like a marshmallow - and it's not like he hadn't done it before, so...

"Hey!... Did you just bite my ass?" Ray gasped when he felt a slight, painless sensation pinch his backside, but it melted into a chuckle when he felt a kiss a few inches from the crime scene. He was shocked but not disgusted and laughed with his lover as she sat back on her haunches to admire the indent she had left behind. 

"Maybe... You know you can't talk, doofus."

"Not my fault you have the most gorgeous fucking ass I ever s--shit, that's good--"

His words dried up on a choke as she descended to his thighs, using another inch of oil from the now half-empty bottle on his thighs, which were nearly as delicious as his butt. She worked much more slowly on his upper legs, relishing in the stiff muscles crafted by Greek Gods. Gently teasing his inner thigh with feather-light trails, the heroine pushed deep circles up the backs of those powerful legs, stopping once to return his hand to his ass cheek for one last squeeze. 

Finally, she reached the end of his long body, and her hands were burning from the massage as if she'd absorbed the aches and pains from him. She ignored it, knowing she'd do it all over again if it left this tempestuous man docile and purring between her thighs - and not in the usual way. 

He seemed to enjoy the last moments the most, relishing how her thumbs ran up and down his calves and feet, perhaps because it wasn't easy carrying his heavy, six-foot frame around all day to various corners of the city. At this point, she could feel her sticky arousal clinging to her thighs, and like Ray, she wished more than anything to clamp them shut in search of some friction, but her work prevented her from doing that, even as she reached his final pinky toe. 

The sheets were ruined - stained from the excess oil she used and the room would smell like lavender for weeks, but neither cared. Ray didn't know the meaning of work as she slithered up his body, ensuring he felt her hardened nipples and tummy brush against his back as she settled on top of his form again. 

"Better?" She asked in his ear quietly, pressing a kiss to his cheek and temple as her hands roamed his jelly-like arms. 

"Mmm," he grunted, too blissed out to form words, but he vowed he'd make it up to her later. Anything for the only girl he'd ever let see him like this, and he'd dated a few in his time. None of them had the privilege of seeing Captain Man in this weak state, but they never wanted to. They didn't care as she did, and Ray swore a tear ran down his cheek from the love swelling in his heart for his wife; damn whether a piece of paper dictated whether she was or not. 

She taught him to believe in love. Wholeheartedly. And for that, she was officially his unofficial wife. 

"Then turn over." The simple command pulled a groan from his lips, but he did as she asked, feeling younger than he had in years as he waited for her to move to one side before he rolled onto his back. In healing his body, she discovered his soul, and it didn't ache anymore, not when he cracked open his eyes to see his angel kneeling by his side, skin flushed and bumpy from the chilled air or the rampant desire between them, either one. 

His lips parted again as he scanned her perfect figure, his tongue darting out to wet them as he studied her movements, unable to stop himself from staring at her tits or ass. He was a gentleman at the end of the day, but as she saw when he rolled over, his courteous nature had been pushed aside by an animal - like she made him be - hungry for the sweet girl pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. 

"Poor baby...all this just from me rubbing your back?" She teased with a mischievous smile as she took in the delicious thickness between his thighs, laying heavily against his abs as she swung her leg over him again. 

"You know it is," he growled, taking in the familiar sight of her hovering over him, and she didn't miss the twitching of his cock when he noticed the slick between her legs. He wanted her, throbbed for her, and she took great delight in it, knowing a little oil and her rubbing up against him made him as solid as granite. 

Still in a teasing mood, her fingers danced across his inner thigh, drawing a hiss from him at the tender touch, and he longed for her to slide that pretty pussy over his cock and let him feel her. Part of him said that this wasn't right; his precious girl should be beneath him, legs spread, taking his cock so she could relax against the pillows, but he didn't dare move, not when her palm moved to the right and grasped his length. 

"Gonna ride you, sweetheart. You want that?"

"Fuck yes," he groaned as she took him into her hand and began pumping him slowly, the residual oil making her glide up and down his member easily. His hips jerked up into her movements as she carefully jerked him off, but she quickly put a stop to it, shuffling forward, so she straddled his thigh, which granted her more space to pin his hipbone with her free hand. 

She explored his abdomen, roaming his chiselled V-line and abs with a hungry stare since every time she saw them, she wanted to run her tongue over them. Ray didn't miss how she stared, fully aware of her lust for his body after catching one too many stares when he was shirtless in the gym, but she refused to surrender her newfound dominance. He was supposed to relax, and she didn't want those muscles flexing. 

"Can you promise me you'll behave?" She asked breathlessly as her hips moved against his thick thigh, slowly at first but gaining speed once she found a rhythm. All the while, her wrist twisted the movements on his cock, pulling low moans from him as he watched her hand with hooded eyes that met her devilish ones. 

"That means no trying to take charge, doofus."

"Will you fuck me if I say yes?" He asked, raising a cocky eyebrow in a last-ditch attempt to regain his instinctive dominance, but a jerk of her wrist and he howled. A long, guttural moan tore from his chest, which turned into a whine when her soaked pussy left his thigh, only to kill and send him to heaven when she settled above his cock. 

"You want my pussy. You have to behave, Raymond. Can you feel how much I need you? Want your big cock inside me..." (y/n) taunted him in a needy voice, the one she used when coaxing her Captain to give her what she wanted finally. But now, the tables had turned as she ground against him, feeling his hard length run through her wetness and catch on her entrance. 

The temptation to fuck it all and slide him in was high, and she clenched around nothing at the thought of finally satiating the burning need in her core, but the look on his face made it worth his. His eyes were screwed shut as his mouth contorted in a pain-filled grimace, and she had to lace his fingers between hers to stop him from seizing her hips and flipping them over. 

Nothing was stopping him from doing that, and they both knew it. He was Captain Man, infinitely stronger than Miss Danger, and with half her patience, but he went limp the second she pressed his wrists to the mattress beside his head. All the fight drained from his body, and he gazed into her determined eyes, seeing the challenge to take what he wanted as she rubbed his sensitive head against her clit. 

Nothing was stopping him. He could have her if he wanted. 

"I'll behave. Please, sweet girl...don't stop," his quiet pleas caused a smile to break out on her face, and she giggled at the lightness in her chest. Finally, he let go, and she knew what that meant for him, the man who had greatness thrust upon him at the tender age of eight. He cared so much, so guiding him to her soaked opening, she took care of him.

"Feel so good...So, good..." they moaned together as she slid down his cock, engulfing it in her tight warmth in one fell swoop. He was so big - so big every time he took her - like it was splitting her apart and pulling her back together in the best way. The slightest hint of pain, the breach of his cock melting into a delicious fire that licked and coated her nerves as the fat head knocked against soft tissue inside her. 

After taking a minute to adjust to him - an agonisingly long minute for Ray, but as always, he refused to move before she was ready - she found a pace with a slow rut that dragged his cock along tight walls where she could feel every single vein throb enticingly against her.

Rocking her hips steadily, gaining speed and confidence with each drop, she panted how good he felt, how thick—how addicted she was to the feel of him, how she wanted to fuck him for hours. Her nails curved down over the muscles of his shoulder blades, along his waist—basking in his size, his strength—before folding herself in half to meet him in a messy, teeth-clashing kiss that spoke of the pent-up frustration in both of them. 

It wasn't fair how everything fell to them. It wasn't fair that three people had to protect an entire city. It wasn't fair that the whole town paid for a police force that didn't care about them. It wasn't fair that those heroes still managed, despite the mistreatment. It wasn't fair that he couldn't call her his wife yet. It wasn't fair she couldn't call him her husband. It wasn't fair they still had to wait another year before making it official. 

None of it was fair, so there was no wonder she doubled her efforts to try and dull the ache from not being Mrs Manchester until the fancy resort they liked had a booking available. 

"Love you, doofus. Wanna take care of you, love you, and--god, wanna--wanna spend my life with you!"

"Fuck, darlin'. Wha--what--who'd I please to deserve you? Hmmm? Who sent you?" He rambled as she swivelled her hips faster, seeking his high more than her own. Maybe it would horrify him, but she wanted to wreck him, build up his pleasure and then wring it out of him in a gut-wrenching orgasm - like what he usually did for her. 

All that could be heard in the room was the vulgar sounds of her ass hitting his thighs as she rode him with a renewed passion, frantic to see him helpless underneath him, and she doubled her efforts as he settled his hands on her hips. Losing the will to be brutal as her pussy seized with need, she allowed him some control when he began to direct her movements, showing her how to roll against him until their ends were close. 

"Shit--I love you, doofus," (y/n) whimpered as she folded her body over his, so they could share a brief yet passionate kiss before they broke apart to pant against each other's lips. His hands brushed down her back, anything to feel her silky smooth skin beneath his fingertips, with his re-energised muscles pushing him to go harder. 

"I love you so much--fuck, gonna give you my cum--fuck--" he garbled as heat crept up his spine, urging his hips to move in small, sharp thrusts underneath her. The added friction caused them both to groan, and, lost to the pleasure, she said nothing, knowing that if this were him misbehaving, she'd take it any day. 

Biting at his bottom lip for the final time, the heroine met his mini thrusts perfectly, choking out a whiny moan with each battering hit to her pussy. It hurt so good, and Ray growled lowly in his chest as he watched her tweak her nipple and rub circles on her throbbing clit - once, twice, thrice - he swore he could've died. 

"Yes! I want that--want your cum. Pleasepleasepleaseplease--" she gasped as he abruptly sat up, his oiled torso pressing against hers as he wrapped his arms around her small form--and clamped her to him. A long, broken moan reverberated in her ear as he came - hard - groaning and grinding his hips up into her pussy as the sudden change of angle brought her release. 

The tight heat around her prolonged his pleasure, making Ray pant harshly into her hair as he rambled incoherent praises for the woman securely in his embrace. Everything felt hot, sticky, and close, from their spent bodies to the air around them - a stifling but not unpleasant haze of lavender and sex - but they loved it, loved the closeness of their post-workout glow as their hearts slowed with their breathing. 

Ray collapsed back on the bed, taking his sweet girl with him as the relaxation reached past his physical being and into his mind, meaning he didn't care about their ruined sheets or the fact that people were probably looking for them since it was early afternoon. All he cared about was the angel in his arms and how even after having the brains fucked out of him, he still wanted to have her again. 

He could feel her pussy twitching around him, and he wasn't ashamed to say he perked up with interest, even though she seemed perfectly content to trace her finger over his pec and rest on top of him. 

"Feel better?" she asked quietly, kissing his chest once, causing it to bloom with affection as he sighed and basked in the blissful peace around them. 

"Yeah...so much better, thanks to you, sweet girl," he replied quietly, pecking her forehead in gratitude as she snuggled into him, clearly content to stay like that, despite only cumming once. That didn't sit right with him; it never did, even if this was meant to be about him, and he, and he couldn't just lie there and say and do nothing. 

"Let me repay you."

"Nu-uh. This isn't about repayment, doofus. I wanted to do it," (y/n) told him firmly, her hand darting out to grab his when she felt it drift over the curve of her ass - and she knew what would follow that. 

As lovely as the idea was, it had taken her an hour to get him this zen, and besides, she'd received more than her fair share over the years they'd dated. It was time to give back, and that's entirely what she intended to do. 

"I can't just--"

"I am more than satisfied, Ray. I got to take care of the man I love..." she grinned and pulled his wandering hand back to her chest so she could kiss his knuckles. It was painfully sweet to watch, but that was her all over, and for once, the hero didn't argue as she raised her hips to separate their conjoined bodies. A small part of him longed to return the favour, but he stopped himself. 

Ray allowed himself to be genuinely selfish for one hour of his life. To not worry about the world. To not run around after others. To not dance when someone clicks their fingers. He lay back and relaxed, content to doze with his fiancée as she momentarily slipped out of bed to bring him a glass of water and a damp flannel to wipe his brow. 

Only mischief was on her mind. 

"...and he's more than welcome to join me in the shower in half an hour."

Yep, she was his perfect girl.

*Six thousand filthy words later and in the words of season one Piper, I AM NOT OKAY!!! Seriously that took me like two hours, and now I have to do the episode :) Just smile and type, Ruth, smile and type. 

In all seriousness, though, that smut was for me, so now, this chapter is for all of you. My beloved readers. And the next two episodes because I'm not too fond of those either. 

For the innocents rejoining us, we're about to begin, so please take your seats. Although, in fairness, this shit's about to get properly weird. I don't know if you want to stick around. It's worse than the smut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~The Man Cave~

Henry was suspicious. 

Not overly suspicious, but curious. Suspiciously curious. A bit like how his parents were sceptically interested after he went missing for a month, only he managed to placate them with a few finessed lies and his sister's help. This was different and didn't involve butterflies. 

For the last two days, he, (y/n), and Ray had been called out to an abundance of irritating, strenuous and time-consuming emergencies, all of which had taken their toll on his man-child of a boss. So, understandably, he'd been in a foul mood, snapping and arguing over the little things - nearly biting his head off for sneezing in the Man Van. 

He was tired. He understood that, and he was tired too. However, he couldn't understand how all his crabbiness seemed to disappear mysteriously after he slunk off to his bedroom with the pretty heroine traipsing after him. 

A couple of hours later, he was smiling, cracking jokes, and fooling around like it was the first call of the week, which baffled the kid as he watched his boss mess around like the big idiot he was. What had happened in those few hours between the paintball guy and the Burrito Brothers? 

Why was he suddenly so...relaxed?

"Man, what is it about fighting the Burrito Brothers that makes me stupid hungry?" The smiley hero asked as he and his sidekicks jetted down the tubes with springs in their steps - not because the mission had been easy, but because they were glad to be home. 

Henry glanced at the happy couple, noting how clingy and affectionate they were, which wasn't uncommon for them - not in the slightest - but it was excessive. Strangely, (y/n) clung to her doofus like a lady on a gentleman, and he escorted her down the steps without glancing at the floor in front of him because that would mean tearing his eyes away from her pretty face. 

"I don't know, doof, but I'm stupidly hungry too," she replied with a lovestruck smile as her tummy grumbled quietly. They'd skipped lunch, and somehow, accidentally on purpose, they'd snuck a workout in between, so she was ravenous.

"I mean, is it the name?"

"I am stupid starving," Henry agreed as Ray kept ogling his precious girl, shrugging off their weird behaviour since they found a new reason to fall in love every day. Perhaps they were feeling extra touchy today, or maybe it was a full moon or something; he didn't know. All he knew was that if he didn't have a snack in the next five minutes, he would die—or something to that effect. 

"'Cause right now, I am the Spanish word for hungry..."

"That would be hambriento, or tienes hambre, doofus," (y/n) told him helpfully, melting his heart and brain because that was hot. She was hot. It was all hot. Caliente. And it turned his mind to mush as they casually strolled across the room, doting on each other so much that nothing stole their attention. 

"Or the Spanish word for food..."

"That's comida," she knew he was toying with her now, throwing word after word out in a ploy to get her to say more stuff, and Henry wasn't helping. Happy to know his boss was back to his usual chirpy self, the kid eagerly played along with the banter, causing the woman to roll her eyes when Ray's hand settled in the small of her back and guided her towards the table and auto-snacker. Although, secretly, it was nice to know she flustered him so much. 

"I could literally eat a fully grown Spanish person right now!" 

"What have I said about encouraging him, Hen?" She joked, biting her tongue as her shoulder nudged the kid, making them engage in a minor scuffle until Ray noticed something...peculiar. 

In the middle of the room, balanced on a small cabinet, was a jar, like the kind you'd see in some dusty bar out in the sticks with pickled eggs, trotters and onions. No one knew where it had come from, but they were more focused on its contents; hundreds of milky-coloured balls covered in a purple goo as they floated in an equally strange liquid. It shimmered like the cosmos and had an intoxicating, sweet smell as they got closer to see the unknown substance. 

"Are these leechees?" Ray asked, pointing at the suspicious jar of what he assumed was syrupy, preserved fruit, even if he butchered the pronunciation. In fairness, it wasn't a wrong guess; they looked and smelled good enough to eat, but despite her hunger, (y/n)'s tummy told her to stay away—warding her off with its age-old wisdom that she shouldn't touch what she didn't understand. 

"Um, sweetheart, it's pronounced lychees, but we shouldn't—"

"You know, the fruit? That you can eat?" If only Ray had the same caution. He was still buzzing from his mid-afternoon break with his sweet girl, so all he saw was her beautiful face and a load of nibbles, perfectly sized for him to feed her. He'd seen the cooking channel, and he could swear that these things grew on trees, meaning there was no need to be wary. Why else would they be out in the open if not for eating?

"You keep saying leechees. It's lychees—lychees—lychees. It's pronounced lychees like (y/n) said," Henry tried to correct him as the hero kept rambling, but in the end, he gave up when his hard-headed boss kept talking about whatever fruit he thought they were. If the leechees—lychees—whatever—were good enough for him, then they were good enough for Henry, who'd worked up an appetite after battling two men who used burritos as ammo. 

"You know what? I'm starving—I'm eating a lychee," the boy held up his hand to make Ray shut up before he dipped the same fingers into the jar. He plucked one of the "fruit" from the liquid, noting how it clung to his gloves like goop, and the saccharine essence became even stronger as he brought it to his face. 

"Wait!" Ray suddenly interjected, stopping Henry just before he could place the lychee in his mouth, and (y/n) breathed a sigh of relief. 

"What?"

"This is a bad idea," he told the kid with a stern face, and the kid paused for a moment. The woman clinging to her doofus broke out into a smile, shocked that they were being sensible and listening to her tummy for once. She pressed a kiss to Ray's shoulder - or as near as she could get to it - feeling perfectly content and happily in love since they were playing it safe. Right?

"Thank you, doofus. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks we should just get some chicken nuggies from the—"

"Why?" Henry asked as (y/n) gestured to the auto-snacker, frowning at his boss for suggesting that the lychees were bad news when all he saw was fruit preserved in sugary syrup. What was so wrong with that? There were millions in the jar; surely, Schwoz, Charlotte, or whoever wouldn't miss a couple. 

"Because, dude, you don't even know...how good I am at catching food in my mouth!" Ray exclaimed, and (y/n)'s face fell like a ton of bricks. She thumped his bicep and whined, hating how they were messing with the mysterious food when they didn't know who it belonged to or where it came from, but the boys being the boys, wanted to show off - like the testosterone-fuelled chimps they were. 

"I am also very good at catching food in my mouth!"

"I'm probably a little bit better..."

"To be fair, sweetheart, you say that about everything, and you're almost always wrong," (y/n) said tentatively as her lover preened like a peacock, his ego stretching out before him as Henry dared to say he was better at something. His face turned to hers in a twist of betrayal and, strangely, amusement as if her words provided a challenge, and he could never be angry at her, so his eyes quickly softened as he pulled her into a loose embrace, arms hanging limply off her waist. 

"You weren't saying that earlier in the shower—"

"And I'm outta here!" Henry choked as his wide eyes darted anywhere but in their direction, and he made to leave the room before he heard something revolting, which he assumed boosted the man's mood and her touchiness that afternoon. He could grab a snack at home, or a cafe, or on the moon—anything that meant he could get out of their way, but Ray wasn't done with him yet, even if he was in the middle of rubbing noses with his precious fiancée. 

"You wanna go?" He challenged the kid, pulling away from his flushed girl, who couldn't help but run her tongue over her lips to chase the fading taste of peppermint. She still wasn't entirely pleased by their fooling around, but her brain felt so fuzzy now, slightly hypoxic after being ruined by his kiss. 

"You wanna go?" And Henry was receptive. Seeing the man put down his lover, he eyed the jar and thought about the offer, thinking anything Ray could do, he could do better—or something like that. So, he swallowed the bile rising from his stomach and returned to their side, eager to show off. 

"Let's do this thing!"

"Okay, okay, let's go!" 

"Seriously? How old are you two?" (y/n) groaned as they each took a suspicious lychee and moved away from the trolley. Facing each other off, they stood about two metres apart, so they could throw the small fruits into each other's mouths as the woman watched on her her head in her hands, and Ray was the first to try it out. He dropped his jaw open, looking like a goldfish, as Henry lined up his shot and tossed the fruit, but his aim was awful to say he was a superhero's sidekick. 

He came, he threw, and he completely missed. 

The so-called snack soared past Ray's head and landed somewhere near the supercomputer, where it would be forgotten about and left to rot until the pungent smell drew someone to clean it up months later.

"My bad—my bad—my bad."

"No problem. We got plenty of leechees," Ray brushed off his worries as he pointed to the whole jar, but Henry kept cringing at his dodgy pronunciation. 

"Pronounced lychees, though.

"Uh, agree to disagree—cheese!" However, the hero dismissed him quickly, preferring to focus on their little competition since he obviously had the sweetest spectator in the world - on his side. So, he tossed his lychee, but to say he was a superhero, who trained in sharpshooting since he was a child, had every weapon under the sun, and whose job it was to hit every target every time, he was an appalling marksman. 

At least he hit Henry's face. That was something. He didn't get it in the boy's open mouth, but it hit his cheek. Not a bad attempt. 

"You two are terrible, you know that? You can't hit the target to save your lives," (y/n) giggled as she watched the fruit hit the floor, and her doofus turned to her with a faux-annoyed face. He booped her nose, causing her eyelashes to flutter and her cheeks to heat up as he reached into the jar again for more ammo. Of course, she was willing to show them how it was done, but the plan was still stupid in her eyes. She wouldn't touch those slimy alls even if they paid her. 

"Watch, sweet girl. It's a numbers game, and we're getting close..." Ray announced confidently, tossing a few more lychees at Henry, all pinging off his nose, upper lip, forehead or cheek every time. To say he was meant to be impressing her as only he could, he wasn't doing an outstanding job, so he tried again. And again. And again. 

Twenty minutes later, and (y/n) wasn't sure about turning it on, she was ready to nod off. Having grown tired of every failed attempt shared by the boys, she'd plopped onto the couch and watched with her head resting on her arms, her eyes getting heavier and heavier with each achingly slow, passing second. 

Hundreds of attempts later, Ray and Henry were still going, determined to succeed just once, even as the tried and tested lychees from the dwindling jar piled up around them. They littered the floor like stars in the sky, creating a huge mess that (y/n) would inevitably make them clean up after she woke up from her dozing. 

"I honestly thought we'd be a bit better at this," Henry admitted as he held one of the remaining lychees between his forefinger and thumb, ready to toss it in his boss's general direction. He had the excuse of being a child, with a quarter of Ray's experience with aiming and shooting, so what was his reason?

"Yeah, you would've thought you'd have caught one by now...y'know, since we're superheroes," (y/n) uttered, her words slightly slurred since her cheek was smushed into her arm, but they resonated with the boys all the same. It was an excellent point; they shared a sheepish look, knowing she was right. How did they take down criminals when they could barely do this?

"Yeah, well, this is the last lychee, so let's make it count," Kid Danger stated as he held up their last chance. There was nothing left but syrupy stuff in the jar - and they'd checked thoroughly, so they were determined to make it this time. So determined, Ray prodded his precious girl and encouraged her to open her pretty eyes before they did, so she could witness him being great. Y'know, because he liked her attention...amongst other things. 

"All right, I'm ready for it.'

"This is the one. I can feel it! Just don't mess up the throw," the hero advised his sidekick as Charlotte, Jasper, and Schwoz emerged from the secret door, sloping off after a minor incident involving the so-called lychees. The heroes were oblivious to their presence because it was just their friends in the Man Cave, nothing weird about that, so they didn't see how their faces fell and contorted in panic at the sight of the empty jar...or their dangerous horseplay. 

"Dude, my throws are gold!" Henry complained, thinking he was a pretty damn good shot. He was not as good as (y/n) - she had an edge, which made up for her lack of physical strength - but he wasn't as bad as his boss. 

"Yeah. Fool's gold."

"Whaaaat?"

"What are you guys doing?!" Charlotte snapped, interrupting their banter before they could start bickering again, and her volume suddenly caused (y/n) to be very awake. What was all the noise for? And why did she look so pale when she saw what they were doing with the purple lychees? She'd ruin their concentration if she weren't careful, but that wouldn't be bad in the girl's mind. 

"Quiet, Charlotte. I'm about to catch a leechee."

"Pronounced lychee, doof," the heroine muttered as she rubbed her tired eyes and shuffled off the couch. Now that everyone had gathered, she felt she needed to stand up; this was her lover's big moment, even if she didn't like how he dismissed the girl so harshly. She whacks him for that later. 

"NOOOOOOO!" However, Schwoz scared everyone when he bolted from the doorway and held his hands out as if to get them to stop, but he wasn't fast enough. His shout came too late as Henry tossed the lychee, and Ray opened his mouth wide, willing the forbidden fruit to hit his tongue, despite his sweet girl's warnings. A strange feeling set in her tummy - the kind that always told her to run, hide or stop what she was doing because something wasn't right, but as time seemed to slow down, it was too late to do anything - save for Henry's dab. 

Thankfully, by some goddamn miracle, or maybe just Henry's bad throwing, the lychee bounced off the man's upper lip, saving him from a truckload of trouble as it rolled along the floor to join the others. Well, that was their last chance gone. 

"Dah! You guys made me miss!" Ray grumbled as he pointedly glared at everyone except for (y/n) because he could never blame her. 

"My throw was sick!" Henry noted, and the blame fell to the helpers who'd come through the door, but they didn't have it in themselves to feel bad. If only they knew what they'd been playing with, they weren't leechees or lychees. 

"Wow, that was close..." Schwoz sighed, breathing a sigh of relief as he stared at the mess on the ground, thankful that it was there and not inside anyone. As he explained to the teens earlier after Jasper nearly made the same mistake, that would be very bad indeed, and (y/n) didn't miss his frown or the alleviation in his voice, which made her frown too. 

"What was close?" She asked as she neared her doofus and brushed up against his arm, having been too far away from him for too long, but despite the joy she felt when he curled an arm around her shoulders, she couldn't help the concern swelling in her chest. Ray wasn't particularly bothered - he was still hungry - but she focused entirely on the genius, especially when he explained...

"If you had eaten that, an alien would have—" Schwoz started, and her eyes widened at the word alien, but he never got to finish because the Man Cave's resident mastermind got there first. 

"And I'm no longer listening. Five-second rule!" Ray interrupted him and dropped it like it was hot so he could pick the freshly tossed not-lychee from the floor and pop it in his mouth. (y/n) felt the blood in her face drain away at their horrified expression, and even though she didn't understand why they looked so scared, it didn't take a genius to realise that her doofus had done a very doofy thing. And it wasn't just because he'd eaten food off the floor, something she'd scolded him for many times before. 

"Ugh, I always forget how much I hate leechees," the man pulled a face as the fruit squirted a surprisingly bitter flavour across his tongue. It was salty, almost metallic, and had a strange texture like jelly he couldn't chew, quite unlike what he remembered lychees to be like, but one thing was for sure. He'd need to brush his teeth or drown himself in his sweet girl's honeyed taste to get rid of whatever he'd just put in his mouth. 

"Ah, me too, dude. They are gross," Henry agreed blindly, even though he'd been smart enough not to eat food from the floor. 

"Those aren't leechees!" Schwoz told them sharply, causing (y/n) to gulp as her suspicions were confirmed. Dammit, why didn't her doofus ever listen? Why didn't she stop him earlier? And most importantly, if they weren't fruit, what were those things?"

"Can't you read the sign I didn't put on the jar?!" The genius snapped and held up a sticky labelled in Ray's face, but he didn't have the time to read it, as Jasper explained.

"Those are alien eggs," he said, and it was like the world stopped. Suddenly, Ray's tummy didn't feel so good, and neither did Henry's and (y/n) swore she would pass out because those didn't sound edible or safe. More like something out of a horror sci-fi movie, and her doofus had eaten them. He'd goddamn eaten them, causing her shaking hand to reach for his as the hideous truth dawned on them. 

"Huh?"

"Those are alien eggs!" Charlotte reiterated when the hero's mind went blank, save for the thought that he wondered why they tasted so bad. 

"Huh?" He mumbled again, glad he had his precious girl by his side because he'd done some foolish things in his time, but eating alien eggs took the biscuit. Her petrified face stared at his blank one, looking for any sign that this was some big prank and they were going to tell her that her lover wasn't now infested, but he looked as terrified as she did. 

"Those are alien eggs!"

"All right, we get it! Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on before I explode?!" (y/n) snapped as the repetition got too much for her, fighting back the tears. She was strong - undoubtedly strong - and she could deal with a lot of shit, god knowing she had done after over a decade spent living in the Man Cave, but when eggs and things got mentioned, she freaked out...a lot. 

"Schwoz told us if you eat one, it will grow and hatch inside your stomach!" Jasper exclaimed, and the woman swore vomit rose in her throat as her body shook. She would need every ounce of her strength to get through this because that was her doofus, the man she swore to love no matter what, and he was—what? Incubating? Henry hovered behind her as she swayed from side to side, thinking she was about to faint, but gathering her resolve, she looked Schwoz dead in the eye and muttered lowly, trying not to lose it. 

"Schwoz...please tell me that isn't true," she begged, feeling Ray's hand squeeze hers lightly, but she felt like she was floating above the room, looking down on the scene rather than being a part of it. It all felt surreal until her world came crashing into reality with the small man's grimace. 

"It's true..." he revealed, and at the moment—four-o-four. (y/n) not found. She wasn't an idiot, and for all his stupidity and recklessness, Ray wasn't either, so it didn't take long for them to put two and two together. This wasn't how it was meant to be...

"Schwoz...did I just get pregnant with an alien baby?" Ray asked squeakily, feeling his blood pressure go through the roof in a revelation that was hard on him and his fiancée. They'd always wanted children, little ones running around, half him and half her, to complete the family of their dreams, but this was a little early...plus, a tad extreme. Alien babies were out of their comfort zone, and panic set in when he wondered if this would be too weird for them to survive. 

"We won't know for sure for a couple of days," Schwoz revealed solemnly, and Ray looked around at his silent family. Henry pulled at an uneasy face and held up his crossed fingers, saying a silent prayer that by some miracle, the alien egg wouldn't hatch and they'd had a near miss. 

Perhaps Lady Luck was shining on them that day, or maybe the Goddess of Love would take pity on the lovers, who had enough to think about as it was, let alone a mutant freak alien baby. (y/n) breathed deeply to try and control her nerves, which were understandably running rampant at the thought of her doofus...giving birth—god, she never thought she'd imagine that. 

It wasn't exactly the order they'd planned things, not when they were so busy with their superhero careers, but at least if it was the other way around, and she had a little one in her tummy, there'd be a degree of normality. Something to be excited about. The way nature intended. This would be the ultimate test of their love—to see if they could take it to the brink of insanity and survive. 

But maybe she was panicking over nothing. Perhaps she was being her classic (y/n)-self; think about the worst outcome, not the other possibilities. Everything could be fine, and they'd be laughing about this in two days. Yeah, that was it. This was nothing to worry about - a mere hiccup in the road. Everything was going to be all right. 

~Two days later~

Or not. 

Everything was not all right, and nothing was okay. And she was about to have a heart attack. 

For two days, they'd waited with bated breath, looking out for every known pregnancy symptom, and (y/n), a responsible adult female in a serious, long-term relationship, was deemed an expert. Don't know why but she was. She rolled her eyes at that, having never actually been pregnant and knowing very little about the finer details, but since she was...a mother-to-be - shoot her - she watched the...father-to-be's - shoot him - every move. 

No morning sickness. Ray continued to feel...fine every morning, meaning they carried on as usual in that regard, much to their friend's disgust when she had to make a cryptic note about his progress.

For the same reason, Ray didn't seem tired. He had plenty of energy and whined when his sweet girl forbade him from going out on missions with the argument that, for once, Swellview could shove its problems and leave them in peace because this was a crisis - one he was very much awake for. 

Then, more problems came when he lacked the...biology to show signs of their bundle of joy. He had no boobs to ache, no uterus to check, and the appetite of a horse, so it was impossible to see if he suddenly disliked any food. Therefore, by the second morning, (y/n) was almost certain - praying - that the egg didn't begin to grow and they could resume their happy, healthy, normal relationship, but of course, that was too much to ask. 

Everything was normal until that fateful morning when Ray woke up feeling like an elephant was sitting on his bladder, an octopus was alive in his tummy, and he'd gained fifty pounds in weight. He felt...off, and nothing prepared the Man Cave for the bellowing screech he let out when he shuffled to the bathroom, only to see himself in the mirror. 

It was clear to see out in the light of the main room, and everything suddenly felt very real. Standing in front of the same mirror in the Man Cave, surrounded by his nearest and dearest, Ray Manchester, a thirty-seven-year-old man, stood cradling his very pregnant belly with a disturbed expression. The growth had occurred almost overnight, (y/n) having gone to bed adoring his washboard abs with every piece of her heart. 

To see his tummy so large, round heavy that his t-shirt couldn't stretch over it made her feel physically sick, and it was more than Henry and Charlotte's job's worth to pat her back as she tried not to cry. This wasn't how it was supposed to go...

"We know for sure. You're pregnant."

"Oh, yeah? What gave you that stellar idea, Schwoz?" She hissed bitterly, her eyes glued to the swollen mass glued to her panicking doofus, who had so many questions yet so little time. If he could get this big in two days, when would he...y'know...pop? It was most unlike his darling girl to be rude, especially to the coconut-headed genius, but no one could blame her. If she barely knew where to look, then the teens barely knew what to say, unlike Schwoz. 

"Congratulations!" He grinned and pushed the couple together, causing Ray to wrap an arm around his girl, who, to his heartbreak, could barely look at him in that condition. As quick as a flash, he pulled out a party popper and pulled the string, releasing the confetti and silver string over the unamused couple, who had never felt so distant in all of their relationship until now. 

"Yay..." he cheered in a quiet voice as they glared at him. 

"Fuck off, Schwoz," (y/n) snapped as she pulled away from her rapidly swelling fiancé and marched off to go and think. That's what she needed to do; sit down and think. Just think everything through, leaving her friends to watch her go sadly. Ray's mouth opened to call out after her, knowing this was difficult, but he needed her the most out of everyone since he didn't know how pregnancy worked. 

He couldn't do this alone, but no words left him as she disappeared through the sprocket, and he knew he couldn't follow. She needed time alone, and he couldn't walk that far unaided if he tried. Seriously, how did women do this? He felt so off-balance and whale-like, and if he was frank, he wanted to bury himself in her arms and shed a tear or two. 

This wasn't what they had planned, but there was nothing they could do now, and all they could do was come together and prepare for parenthood...for their alien baby. 

~

Another two days later, (y/n) had primarily gotten over her initial shock. She was by no means happy to learn that Schwoz's little experiment with the space rock from all those years ago had led to her doofus becoming a human vector for god knows what abomination was inside of him, but she was slowly learning to live with it - and him. 

Ray didn't suit being pregnant, and he commended her for agreeing to have their children should the opportunity arise. It was awful. His back hurt, his bladder was constantly full, he couldn't sleep at night, he had heartburn every five seconds, his ankles were swollen, the morning sickness had hit him in full swing, he wanted every food under the sun but smushed together on the same plate, and worst of all, his libido was ten times what it usually was, which was a lot. And (y/n) wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. 

That made him incredibly grumpy, crabby, moody, snappy and whiny, and if he was all those things, then everyone around him had to face his wrath - except for his sweet girl, who was at his beck and call for everything. Everyone else, though, was miserable because Pregnant Ray was an absolute bitch.

"Uh, I want this thing out of me!" Ray groaned as he emerged from the secret door and the bathroom in the corridor behind it. (y/n) was on his arm, helping him walk since his stomach was impossibly larger forty-eight hours later. 

The hero wore an especially fetching and comfortable tank top that showed off his beefy arms for his sweet girl to drool over, except that it humorously had "Future Sidekick" and an arrow pointing to his belly printed on it. He looked so damn hot until she got to the front part, and then, she had to remember that he was ready to burst and reliant on everyone around him. 

"It keeps kicking my bladder. I gotta pee every five minutes, and I'm sick of it!"

"Welcome to the pleasures of being a woman, Raymond..." she sighed as she helped him over to the couch, her more petite body taking most of his weight. He was eternally grateful and amazed that she and millions of others worldwide wanted to go through the debilitating process, but he was so fed up already, having suddenly become heavily pregnant in under a week. How women did it for over nine months was beyond him, and he didn't mean to be so mean - he just hated how this was tearing them apart. 

"Yeah, relax. It's only been a couple of days," Jasper dismissed his groaning, also fed up with the whole pregnancy thing, but only because he bellyached. He would never be so dismissive if it were someone else, but Ray was just a drama queen. 

"Uh, excuse me. Have you ever been pregnant?" Ray asked sassily, proving the boy's point. It wasn't his fault that he'd only had the odd peck from his precious girl over the past few days since every time she embraced him, his belly bumped hers, and then, weird shit happened. She could feel the alien moving and squirming inside him, which made her skin crawl, so after brushing her lips against his cheek, she ran off to get him juice, a fluffy pillow, or a book to read. And that made him wilt. 

"No..."

"Then maybe don't tell the pregnant man to relax." A definite drama queen, but he didn't miss how his fiancée sighed at those two vital words as she helped him sit down. 

"Just relax, Ray," she muttered, and he groaned lowly when he finally took the weight off his aching back and feet. His bulky, masculine body was not suited to carry the alien, and his heart wasn't prepared for how she walked on eggshells around him. She didn't seem to call him doofus as much, and everything they usually did was impossible because of his belly - it got in the way of everything, meaning he'd never been so desperate to hold her in his arms. 

"Thank you, darlin'", he muttered as he relaxed on the couch as she instructed, smiling softly when she sat behind him. Her hand settled on his shoulder, waiting for the next thing he needed, and the proximity was good enough for him as Jasper brought over a much-needed snack, although it was one of his craving creations and, therefore, inedible to anyone else. He couldn't feed his sweet girl nibbles even if he tried - she hated the tastes he suddenly loved. 

"What's this?" Ray queried as he accepted the plate from the kid, but he didn't remember ordering it. He was excepting something else. Cue the moodiness. 

"It's pizza with peanut butter on it like you asked," he replied, causing (y/n) to wrinkle her nose at the bizarre combination, but she let her lover have what he needed. She didn't like it, but she wouldn't let him suffer, even if he was being horrible to everyone. 

"I asked Henry to bring me Chinese food! Right, sweet girl? You remember, right?! We were going to share the noodles!" The pregnant hero whined and shouted as he dropped the pizza on the table in disgust. He craned his head back to gaze at his pretty girl, appealing to her since she'd agreed to share lunch with him like they always did, but she was shaking his head, much to his disappointment. 

"Doofus, when he didn't come back fast enough, you asked Jasper to get pizza with peanut butter on it, and you threw your boot at him, which is why I told you off," the woman replied softly, trying to withhold her need to scream and shout because it was all too overwhelming yet she couldn't find comfort in her soulmate's arms. She didn't fit. Two's company, but three's a crowd. 

"Oh..." Ray muttered as he realised she was right. He glanced down at his foot and noticed his shoe was missing, and after looking around, he saw it lying alone by the supercomputer. He did that right, and she scolded him like a mother would do to a child, proving she would make a better parent than he would. He was too soft and childish, but then again, their two halves made a whole, and they worked so well together - the perfect team put to the most challenging test. 

"I'll go find Henry. Come on, (y/n/n). He'll probably need help with the food," Jasper sighed and reached for the plate of offending food as (y/n) stood up from the couch. Henry was probably okay, but after days of his crabbiness, everyone needed a break from the hormonal man and a dose of her characteristic sweetness. 

"No, don't take my pizza and fiancée away from me!" However, Ray had other ideas. With lightning speed, his hand zipped out and stopped Jasper before he could toss the vile pizza in the trash. Similarly, he grabbed (y/n)'s wrist and refused to let go, feeling his heart lurch at the thought of her leaving because he needed her. He loved her, and if this pushed her away...he wouldn't get through it. He needed her; watching her leave made him ache more than any stupid alien baby could. 

"Well, you just said you didn't want it! And if you want Chinese food, you're going to have to let (y/n) go get it," Jasper bit back. Yelling at his boss was his first mistake, but using the words "let (y/n) go" was his second and the gravest. Ray was already in a fragile state, and he wanted his future wife where he could hold her hand, kiss her, and tell her he was so sorry for all of this, so he did the only thing his pregnant brain could think of. He used his other boot. 

"I'll go find Henry!" The kid quickly said and stomped off, annoyed that their lives now revolved around the moody man, who left his shoe alone now that he'd backed off, but he wouldn't get his way. 

"Enjoy your pizza, doof. I'm gonna get our noodles," (y/n) whispered in his ear as she rose from the couch for a second time and squeezed his shoulders, aiming to follow Jasper to try and argue on her lover's case. She knew everyone hated him right now, and trust her, no one hated this weird pregnancy more than she did, but she wanted to tell them that a normal pregnancy wasn't easy, and it wasn't like Ray was ever meant to have a child like that. He was struggling as much as them, and they needed to know that. Plus, Henry had their food, and it was past lunchtime. 

"But—but...baby...don't leave me," the man said weakly, his bottom lip trembling with the emotion only pregnancy could bring, and she smiled sympathetically. She never expected her husband to have their first child, but she was coping. Just about. 

"I'll be back before you know it, Ray." 

"Can I at least have a kiss before you go?" He asked quietly, a look of longing breaking her heart as he manoeuvred as best he could with his swollen belly. A part of her repulsed the idea of getting close to whatever unnatural thing was growing in his stomach - whatever it was, it shouldn't have been there - yet that came into conflict with her undying love for him. That's when she realised that maybe she'd been a little selfish, prioritising her fear of the unknown over caring for her doofus. This was hard for him too, and kisses always made things better. 

"Of course, doofus. Whenever you want a kiss, just ask," she smiled, growing slightly teary as she leaned down to seal their lips, and he gladly indulged in it, having felt a little lonely despite everyone around him. The universe wasn't right if things weren't normal between them, and after a few seconds where he could swipe his tongue over her bottom lip, she pulled back. 

"Let me go get us something to eat," the heroine told him gently, and this time, he smiled back. Things weren't perfect, nor as they should be, but they were still a team, which was close enough. 

"Hurry back, sweet girl."

"Always." And with that, she hurried after Jasper, who'd nobly waited in the middle of the room for them to say goodbye. God, they made it seem like Ray was going off to war or something, and (y/n) elbowed him in the ribs when he cracked a joke about how they'd see each other again someday. Leaving Ray to shove half a pizza slice in his mouth, they headed for the elevator, unaware that some people had made it their haven after one too many telling off from the groaning man. 

Without any warning, hands clamped over their mouths, and they were pulled inside, unbeknownst to Captain Man as he chowed down. The boy and woman gasped, but their unknown attackers muffled the noise as the door closed behind them, and it wasn't until they were safely inside that their identities were revealed. 

"What on Earth are you two doi—" (y/n) gasped as she braced herself against the wall and came face-to-face with Henry and Charlotte, who'd been suspiciously missing all morning, but before they could interrogate her, they shushed in her face. 

"Shhhhhhh!"

"We're hiding from Ray!" Charlotte hissed, wary that the guy would hear them since the elevator hadn't moved. The only thing protecting them from that big man-child-sized bundle of hormones was the metal door, and god knows that he'd damn near rip it off to get to his sweet girl again, especially if he found out they'd lured her away intentionally. 

"The alien pregnancy is making him crazy! You should know that (y/n/n)," Henry added solemnly, making the woman look at him and the girl flatly. They made him sound a lot worse than he was; sure, he'd made some unreasonable demands, but that was still the man she loved out there. He just had a little extra...something with him. 

"You guys are making him sound like a monster or something!" She whispered back, gesturing wildly as she defended her doofus - her instinct. "He is still the same sweet, considerate—"

"Considerate? Yeah, maybe for you..." Henry scoffed at her words, which earned him another glare because she hated how everyone took her fiancé for granted, even though he'd served the city for years. So, if the kid knew what was good for him, he'd keep his mouth shut. 

"—Loving, adorable man, who I still want to marry! Look, it's not for long. We just have to wait for this...thing to be born, and then, we never have to deal with it again. And besides, it's not like things can get much worse..."

"It's only going to get worse!" A voice came from above their heads, making Jasper and (y/n) jump when they looked up to see Schwoz halfway up the wall like a goddamn ape. How did he cling to the smooth stone wall like that? Spider-Schwoz? Maybe. He waved hello at them before dropping down, landing with a slight thud, which drew many shushes and didn't sound suspicious to Ray outside, but he was too big and too busy with his pizza to get up and investigate. 

He'd have his girl back with him soon enough—and with Chinese food. That was all he needed to think about. 

"You need to get out there!" Jasper told his best friend harshly, feeling sick to the stomach, that he'd been taking abuse all morning when Henry had been happily camping out in the elevator's safety. "Ray's furious that you haven't come back with his Chinese food yet, and now, he thinks you've taken (y/n) away to carry it all!"

"That's why I'm hiding! Well, not the (y/n) bit—thanks for that, by the way. He's going to kill me," Henry jerked his head to look at the woman dryly, who gave a slight, indifferent shrug since she knew her doofus wouldn't go that far, not when the teen was his favourite of their adopted children, and she'd be kissing and cuddling him again by that point. 

"Eh...he'll get over it once we do that thing with the noodles like in Lady and The Tramp. Y'know, slurp the noodle, and then, we get to ki—"

"The Chinese place is out of the greasy food that Ray wants! There are no noodles!" Henry exclaimed, breaking (y/n) out of her lovey-dovey daydream, where she and her doofus were snuggling on the couch like old times, swapping spring rolls and stir-fried vegetables because everything tasted better when shared. It made her smile into nothingness, but then, Henry burst her happy bubble, and she looked at him in horror at such terrible news. Oh no, Ray was in a foul mood as it was...

"Why?" Jasper asked, also horrified since they hadn't confiscated Ray's other boot. 

"There's a grease shortage!" Schwoz replied, making the boy throw his head back sceptically because that was the biggest nonsense he'd ever heard. He was the dumbest guy in the Man Cave, but even he knew that a grease shortage was impossible, mainly because you couldn't bottle grease - right?

"That's not a thing!"

"It is!" Charlotte argued, and as a Smartie, she was a reliable source, meaning this sudden news was quite a shock for (y/n) and Jasper, who'd been so busy running around after the expectant father, they hadn't tuned in to KLVY.  "Scientists figured out a way to turn restaurant grease into expensive biofuel, so now, someone's stealing the grease from every restaurant in Swellview!"

"Grrrr, scientists are the worst!" Jasper growled as he imagined a roomful of nerds with their tubes and Bunsen burners, turning everyone's lives to misery simply because they wanted to save the environment and do something as stupid as recycle. 

"Instead of the greasy Chinese food Ray likes, all I could get was this!" Henry snapped, reaching to the side and retrieving a polystyrene container. He briskly opened the lid, and (y/n) gasped when she saw the contents, not because she was offended, but because her doofus wouldn't touch it. He might vomit at the sight of those leafy greens, chopped vegetables, and a single crispy crouton. 

"A salad?! Henry, Ray's not going to eat this! It's...healthy!" She hissed at him, flicking a piece of lettuce as the kid nodded. He wasn't dumb; he knew Ray nearly as well as she did, so he was aware that he hated anything that came from the ground - save for potatoes. It was the best he could get after walking into the takeaway and realising the entire menu had been struck off, but even though he tried his best, that wouldn't be good enough for his boss. 

"I know! That's why I'm hiding in the elevator!" He replied, shivering at the thought of facing his boss's wrath, especially after being separated from (y/n) for three minutes. Ray would almost certainly kill him if he went out there, so he resigned himself to living in the elevator for the rest of eternity. Unfortunately, Captain Man was insatiably curious...and greedy for his precious fiancée. 

"Ahhh!" The group shouted when the elevator door suddenly slid open, revealing the pregnant "momster" himself. Henry, Jasper, Charlotte and Schwoz cowered behind (y/n) as Ray saw them, looking bewildered as to why his family were all in there when he was still waiting on his food. His protruding tummy entered the space before he did, and he reached out to squeeze his girl's hand in greeting since he could barely move to kiss her, meaning he could analyse the nervous lot behind her. 

"What are you guys doing in here?" He asked suspiciously, noting the lack of bags upon bags of food like Jasper had hinted. What did they need his sweet girl for again?

"I found Henry!" Jasper laughed nervously, shoving his best friend into the lion's den since it was every man for himself situation when Ray was around. Henry tripped forward, knocking into (y/n), who was also nudged forward by Charlotte because the girl knew if anyone could calm the oncoming storm, it was her. 

"And look, your beautiful fiancée! Who you love! And who loves you! Byeeeeeee!" She shouted once the woman was past the threshold, and after spamming the button a few times, the door slid shut and locked them safely inside again. That left Henry and (y/n) alone with the pregnant man, who eyed them suspiciously when his pretty girl fell into his arms from the harsh shove. 

"You okay, darlin'?" He asked in concern as she angled herself away from his tummy. As much as she hated the sight or thought of the round mass, she didn't want to hurt it or him, so she smiled at him softly and patted his pec to reassure him. Charlotte was right about one thing; she sure was beautiful, and he loved her. 

"Yeah, I'm okay, doofus. I told you I wouldn't be long."

"I missed you anyway," he grinned, leaning forward to peck her lips, and that's when he noticed what was in Henry's clammy hands. "Oh, our Chinese food! Finally!"

"Okay, yeah... I don't want you to get mad, but—" the boy began nervously, wringing his fingers together as Ray took the container and began toddling back to the couch. Upon seeing him straining and struggling to move with his aching back, (y/n) wrapped an arm around his middle and started helping her doofus walk, reverting to her caring role, even though she was just as worried about what was in the box. 

"I know, I know. I've been so terrible lately. I'm sorry—to you too, sweet girl," Ray replied graciously, not seeing the haze of betrayal around him. 

Instead, he gazed at his lover, utterly in awe of her and everything she did for him, even though she never signed up for any of it. She patted his arm and carried on, taking everything in his stride better than he ever could; although he was sure that when it came for them to have children properly, he'd worship the ground she walked on it - she'd do it with much more grace and elegance anyway. 

"It's just this alien pregnancy is making me feel all the feelings...and I know you guys all hate me, but it's not my fault. I'm trying my best and—" The hero went on, growing emotional and blubbery as his hormones got the best of him as he thought about how his family - his beloved family - rallied around him. It truly meant a lot to him, but when he cracked open the container's lid, expecting to see brown, unhealthy food, and saw the salad, his sadness turned to rage. 

"What is this, Henry?! I asked for fried food!" 

"I know, but see, they were out of—" the young sidekick tried to explain, but Ray wasn't having any of it. Even when (y/n) slid her arms around his shoulders and tittered comforting words, saying they could always get something else, he still shouted and threw a tantrum, finally getting the sense he'd been betrayed. 

"Can you not—can you not understand that?! Is that why you took my wife away from me? Because you don't understand anything?!"

"Not your wife yet, but I can understand that someone's been stealing—" Henry sighed tiredly, too emotionally drained from dealing with his dramatic boss, especially when he spun the idea that he'd dragged (y/n) kicking and screaming away from him. She was there now, right? Hanging off his shoulders, kissing his cheek and telling him to calm down. He didn't have to be such a drama queen. 

"I. WANT. REAL. CHINESE. FOOD!" However, Ray had other ideas. After each punched-out word, he threw limp salad leaves into the kid's face, but he didn't react. As much as he wanted to smack him, Henry held his nerve and wiped the Caesar dressing from his cheek, seeing (y/n) mouth "I'm so sorry" behind her lover's back. It wasn't her fault, but she'd be a widow before she even got married at this rate. 

"Raymond! Bad!" She snapped, grabbing the man's wrist before he could throw another green handful, enough to make him moodily cease firing and cast his eyes to the floor. But that brought on another problem when he saw the food all over the place, and even though he was the one who made it, that didn't stop him from telling them off. 

"This place is a mess!"

"You made it a mess! Don't be a doofus all your life, Ray!" (y/n) growled as he tossed the worthless box into the table, sending more salad flying, not that he cared. The hero was near tears at the thought of no food, his Man Cave being a pigsty, and worse still, his sweet girl was mad at him. It was all too much, something Henry could agree with. 

"B'doop!" He mumbled, echoing a text tone since he'd had enough of Pregnant Ray and this shitshow that surrounded him. (y/n) frowned at him and the odd noise he made, and when he pretended to take his phone out of his pocket, her face darkened further as if a storm cloud was forming over her head. 

"Ooh, snap. I just got a text from my pops," he said as he stared at the blank screen, acting as though he had a text, but he was a terrible actor. If he was going to try and fool them, he should've at least tried to sound like he came from the twenty-first century. 

"Yeah, Henry, the nineties called. They want their slang back. No one says, "aw, snap" anymore," she sassed, folding her arms as Ray shuffled to look at him weirdly. He leaned back into her body, seeking warmth and comfort as the teen gave them a nervous smile, looking particularly sketchy as he acted way too casual. 

"I still do. Anyway, peep this—my dad is building...a...roller skating rink in the backyard? And I have to go help him...do that?" He read out the invisible text, which was suspicious of his outdated phrases. Ray ignored his aching joints and hauled himself up from the couch - with a bit of help from his darling girl. 

"So...dude, I'm outtie five-thousand!"

"Outtie five-thousand?" Ray echoed in confusion, having not heard that phrase for twenty years or more, "you always use outdated slang when you're lying to us..."

"Pfff, that's whack! Dude, I'm giving you the straight good-good here, home-skillet," Henry scoffed as he tapped his belt, and honestly, (y/n) wasn't even sure if he was speaking English anymore. A tube fell above his head, encasing him in glass so that they couldn't get to him, and in the rebellious moment, all Ray could do was cling to his fiancée. 

"Wait, wait, Henry! Rub my feet?" He asked in a whiny voice as he stuck his tootsie out towards the boy, who took one look at his swollen ankles and decided he'd instead take a bath with a toaster. That wobbling bottom lip wouldn't work on him; he wasn't sweet or a girl. 

"I can't—gotta bizzounce! Get (y/n) to do it. Up the tube!" And with that, the boy disappeared, flying up and out of the building—as far away from the parents-to-be and the baffling situation before he was burping and bouncing a green, glowing baby. 

"He's such a little shit, sometimes," Miss Danger muttered a few seconds after he disappeared, going to move her doofus back to the couch before he strained his back again. Ray looked miserable, and she felt for him, but now, it was just the two of them, and that's when they were always at their best anyway. 

"Now, you want me to get you some decaf coffee and then, I'll rub your feet?" Once Ray plonked his butt back down, she offered, and his ensuing adoring look made her heart flutter. It wasn't much, but to him, offering to look after him was more than anyone else wanted to do, and Ray knew he couldn't love anyone else if he tried. He was being a bitch, but it didn't bother her, or if it did, she didn't let it show. 

"You'd do that for me, sweet girl?"

"Anything for you and the...thing, Ray. I'll be back in a minute," (y/n) grinned and kissed his forehead before leaving to get him a preggo-safe drink from the auto-snacker. He watched her movements with starry eyes, wondering what he did to deserve such a sweet girl, and when he shed a tear this time, it wasn't because of the pregnancy hormones. 

~A few hours later~

For a few hours, nothing much happened. Ray finally settled down after a bowl of chocolate ice cream drizzled with hot sauce and had a nap after his angel massaged his throbbing feet for half an hour. Peace returned to the Man Cave, and she didn't know even screech when she felt the...thing kicking against her palm. Schwoz joked that the baby recognised its surrogate mother's touch, but she didn't rip his head off - a remarkable feat of resilience. 

Everything was fine. And then, it wasn't. 

"Raymond, it's just an emergency call. It's not the end of the world!" (y/n) sighed as she stormed away from the supercomputer, her lover hot on her heels as Charlotte rolled her eyes. As usual, Ray was being dramatic and childish, having thrown his dummy out after a call came in about a grease robbery or something downtown. 

The robbery wasn't the issue; it was pretty straightforward, a petty crime and something the heroes usually could deal with without a problem. Normally being the critical word. Ray could barely pee without aid, so (y/n) banned him from crime-fighting, arguing that they had enough to think about on a battlefield; a heavily pregnant man would complicate matters. 

It was reasonable and rational, easy for anyone, including Charlotte, to see, but Ray deemed her practicality as prejudice. 

"Then why can't I go out and fight crime?! I'm not broken, y'know!" He asked like a child, stamping his foot and whining in her ear as he limped after her. He'd put his Captain Man suit on, ready to go out and kick ass because he was itching to take down a criminal after five days of nothing but sitting on his ass. But his sweet girl said no. Et tu, Brutus?

"Because of your...condition! I know it's hard to hear, doofus, but you can't go out and fight!" (y/n) replied exasperatedly, gesturing to his vast stomach, which had swelled even more in the last few hours with the alien inside becoming more active too. His tunic couldn't even zip up over the curve, so he had to leave it open and loose since it was tailored to fit his trim and fit torso. He was unprotected; didn't that prove her point?

"So, I have nothing to eat. I'm not allowed to do my job—is there anything I can do?!" The man cried as he took to pacing around the room, bored out of his mind after sitting and stewing for hours. He was a physical man by nature who loved action and adventure, so being cooped up made him even crabbier, if that was possible. 

"Yes. You can sit down and be quiet while I call Henry to take care of these assholes," she instructed him as she opened his abandoned salad and skewered a piece of lettuce with the shitty plastic fork. If she didn't eat it, then it would only go to waste, and that was money down the drain, so as she set up the holo-caller in front of her, she tucked in and watched as he sneered at the sight of the healthy load. 

"Come on, kid. Pick up..." she sighed as the machine took a few moments to get through to the kid, who was undoubtedly making excuses at home so he could get to the porch. Ray continued circling the room, grumbling that his back hurt, he needed to pee, or the...thing was kicking his intestines to a pulp. 

"Oh, hey, Hen!" She smiled casually once the kid finally answered, his little hologram appearing above the device in front of her. Ray scoffed at his appearance, knowing that he would get to fight crime, and he wasn't. 

"Hey, (y/n/n). What's up?" Henry smiled, too, although he was surprised to see her acting so chill when she was living with the world's grumpiest man. 

"A couple of thieves are stealing grease from that restaurant where they fry everything."

"Fry Me A River?" The kid asked, knowing several restaurants like that, but it wasn't the one he was thinking of. Honestly, he needed to get out and let off some steam; it had been a peculiar few days. 

"Nah, Grease On Earth. You've got to go stop them," she told him before eating a veggie cube, knowing that whilst it wasn't the most substantial meal, it was technically better than what she originally ordered. Henry preened at the idea of a solo mission, knowing he rarely got to go on them since Ray still treated him like a thirteen-year-old rookie, and whilst his heart was in the right place, the kid just wanted to be independent as he neared eighteen. 

"Okay—is that Ray's salad?" He nodded as Piper crept out onto the porch, having heard voices when he noticed what she was eating, recognising the cheap plastic box anywhere after he carried it to their home. He was surprised it hadn't been tossed on the floor, but then again, Ray always behaved better for her. 

"Yeah, he didn't want it, so I'm eating it. And y'know what? It's a surprisingly good salad. I'm telling you, come my wedding day, I'm going to look like Megan Fox—" she joked and went to eat another piece when a large, grumpy lump, known as Ray, came barrelling up beside her and prodded her arm roughly. 

"I said I didn't want any salad, sweet girl!" He whined, trying to shove the box out of her hands, so she had no choice but to put it on the table whilst he pined for her attention. He was ready to pop, and the kids on the porch gasped at the size of him, Piper not knowing where to look as she took in his enormous bump. She didn't want to jump to conclusions, but someone had had one too many hamburgers. 

"I know, doofus! That's why I was eating it!" She chastised him, flicking bits of dropped salad back into the container so she'd have something to eat. His pregnancy brain was getting worse, and she knew the go-time was close at hand - the moment she'd been dreading. 

"I don't even know why you're eating it! It's disgusting, and you'll be beautiful on our wedding day either way," he mumbled, scuffing his boot against the tiles as he grew misty-eyed at the thought of their big day. Oh god, it made him want to cry, thinking about her in white, floating down the aisle before he promised to love her forever and a day, but something caught his eye. And heavens above, it was fried.

"Ooh, is that a crouton?" And they say romance is dead. 

"Whoa...Captain Man got double-c thick!" Piper exclaimed as she stared at the man's hologram. Seeing him shove the crouton in his mouth after picking it up from the floor was weird, but seeing him so fat was weirder, given how much (y/n) rambled about his love for the gym. Oh, what she didn't know. 

"Uh, for your information, I'm not double-c thick. I'm capital P-regnant!" Ray told her haughtily, and the girl's eyes practically fell out of her head. Her gaze snapped to (y/n), who had to close her eyes and take a deep breath before carrying on; she'd never gotten used to hearing that disturbing phrase. 

"You're pregnant?! (y/n), what's going on?!"

"He ate an alien egg. It's growing inside of him. We're about to have a...thing as our first child—this is my life now!" The woman replied flatly as she tossed the remaining food around with the fork since the changing conversation had made her lose her appetite. She'd gotten used to the pregnancy just about, but knowing that the living...thing would come out of her fiancé still made her skin crawl. 

Yeah, he's being kind of a gunch about the whole thing," Henry added, much to Ray's offence as he heard him. He should try giving birth when he wasn't supposed to; they'd see who was a gunch. 

"What did you say about me?"

"Hmmm?" But as usual, the boy played it cool, and Ray didn't have the energy or patience to press it further. He slowly chewed the last crumbs of the crouton, glaring at his lucky sidekick as he cradled his bump, and (y/n) sighed at the mess she found herself in. 

"Grease heist. Clocking ticking..."

"Right, on my way!" Henry nodded and clicked his fingers, knowing that criminals tend not to hang around after doing something illegal, and he was about to snap his watch shut when Ray stepped forward, fully intent on defying his sweet girl and going out there to help the kid. He was still indestructible and had his super stretchy maternity pants on, so he would be fine—well, he had the determination, at least. 

"All right, kid. I'll meet you there."

"Raymond, we have discussed this. You're pregnant, you're not going, and that's the end of it," (y/n) barked at him, latching onto his arm in a bid to keep him where it was safe—where he was away from any journalists, but the hero had other ideas. 

"I'm a grown man, and I'll do what I—-arghhhh!" He snapped back, but before he could finish his argument, a stab of pain streaked through his stomach, taking control of his body and forcing him to double over to try and stop it. Immediately, (y/n) lost all of her fights and had her hand on his back, supporting him through whatever was wrong with him, although she had a clue. 

"Oh, big guy, you okay?"

"Doofus, what's wrong?" She and Henry asked, equally concerned as he gritted his teeth and panted, holding his belly with a scrunched-up face. 

"Ahhh! My stomach's killing me! I knew I shouldn't have eaten that stupid salad!" He whimpered, rubbing his bump as Charlotte glanced over from the computer, looking worried. (y/n) didn't have to be a doctor to know what was going on, but she gulped down her terror and remained calm, thinking her panic would only make him worse if she told him that being pregnant was nothing compared to suddenly not being pregnant. 

"You ate one floor crouton, you big doofus!" She told him breezily, hoping her soft and friendly tone would help keep him sweet, but then, Schwoz popped up out of nowhere - like the loitering creature he was - and as always, he brought the good news that didn't undo all of her hard work. 

"It's not the floor crouton," he told her as she stroked Ray's back, and the genius laid his ear against her lover's belly to hear whatever lurked inside. 

"You're in labour! You're about to give alien birth!" He gasped, but Ray didn't care what he said as he was hit with another contraction, this one stronger than the last, as the labour quickly ramped up. She'd known what was coming all along, but all the same, (y/n) felt her head woozy at the news, and she wobbled for a second or two before her super-regeneration kicked in. 

She never fainted. Her brain always recovered from the drop in blood pressure before the blackout hit, so even though the news made her want to die, she had to live through the moment and support her fiancé because that's what he'd do if it were her. 

"Well, isn't that just spit-on-your-neck, kick-you-in-the-crotch fantastic?" She grinned sourly and huffed a bitter laugh, knowing that she was about to become sort of wicked stepmother or something. Ray whimpered and turned to rest his forehead on her shoulder, feeling like he was about to drop a bowling ball—something he couldn't do. Seriously, how did women do this?

"This is amazing..." Piper smirked as she took out her phone and hit record, wanting to save the mind-boggling moment forever. She'd never share it, but if she ever needed a good laugh, she could always look back on the video, especially when Ray looked up from his girl's sweet-smelling hair and saw his shame being caught on camera. 

"Don't look at me!" He snapped before hiding his face in (y/n)'s neck again, which left Schwoz to delegate since he knew what was about to happen. It was all his fault, and the woman made a mental note to kill him once this was all over. 

"Charlotte, go get some towels. Jasper, put on some Cardi B. (y/n), keep supporting Ray. We're having an alien baby!" He chuckled, earning a slap on the head from the woman since she didn't find any of this exciting or interesting, not even as a learning opportunity. She wanted to hide under her bedsheets until it was all over and then curl up and cry into her doofus' shoulder when he was okay again. But no, that wasn't possible, and neither was the possibility of her going out to help Henry take down those thieves. 

"Look, Hen, I'm sorry, but you'll have to handle those thieves yourself. I've got to help the daddy-to-be."

"No problem. I got a great entrance line, and I'm going to walk right up to them and say, you probably think you're so..."

"Argggh!" Henry sighed when Ray screeched in pain again, interrupting what would've impressed him had he not been incapacitated. Still, at least he wasn't (y/n), who had the impossible task of controlling her man-child as he breathed through the pain before lunging forward to grab Schwoz by the collar. 

"You did this to me!" He shouted at the poor man, who cringed at his bad breath after eating the garlicky crouton. However, Ray had a point, and Schwoz cowered under his and his fiancée's glares as they pinned the blame on him, knowing that if he hadn't left those poxy "lychees" lying around, then none of this would've happened. What would he do if this chink broke the couple up? Huh? Henry would have his head. 

"Okay, I'll say it when I get there..." The kid sighed, and with that, the holocall ended, leaving his family to deal with Ray and whatever was about to come out of him. 

"I have a birthing chair set up over there!" Schwoz told (y/n) as Charlotte hurried into the room with about fifteen towels of various shapes, colours and sizes since she didn't know what type a birth needed. Save for a few biology lessons. She knew very little about what was about to happen, so she looked to (y/n), who was deathly pale, slightly sweaty but still holding it together, even if she cringed at the "birthing chair".

"Right, fine. Char, come help me with the patient," she grunted as the genius scampered away to go and prepare for the long road ahead, meaning she had to take his entire weight on her own, which wasn't easy when he was shouting every curse word under the sun. The girl did as she was told and ran to throw Ray's other arm over her shoulders so that they could get him and his temper across the room. 

Her humour was intact; that was a good thing, and Charlotte smiled slightly at her sarcasm until Ray opened his big mouth. 

"Come on! I want this thing out of me! I want my body back!" Ray snarled, even glaring at his precious girl as they dragged him across the room when all he wanted to do was curl up on the floor and die. He missed normality and doing the things he loved, like having his sweet girl practically laying on him when they slept, drinking proper coffee, moving without hurting, peeing less than a million times a day, needing someone to put his socks on, and, most importantly, having a happy, uncomplicated life with his fiancée. 

He wanted to wake up and do grown-up things with her without worrying about lumps and bumps getting in the way. He wanted to walk - not waddle - in a room and see her light up at the sight of him, not light up and dim when her eyes drifted to his...condition. He wanted to take off his shirt and feel attractive again because it freaked her out right now—he knew it did. He wanted to wait a few years until they were settled for a family, as they'd discussed at midnight. He just wanted to forget this ever happened. 

"This is not okay! Do you hear me?!"

"Yes, we hear you, Ray. Stop yelling!" 

"Yeah, doofus. Everything's going to be okay," the girls tried to comfort him, but what should've taken two seconds felt like ten years as they guided him to the chair, which seemed like a mile away when he dragged his heels and kept barking orders at them. 

"None of this is okay! I want to hit someone!"

"Hit Schwoz! He got us into this mess," (y/n) said, not caring whether he did it since she wholeheartedly believed the genius deserved it. Him and his stupid, nonexistent labels on jars. 

"Fine, I'll hit Schwoz!" Ray growled, listening to her through the pain since she made him feel safe, so he uncurled his arm from Charlotte's shoulder, much to the girl's relief, and clumsily aimed at the small man as they neared the birthing chair. Luckily for Schwoz, Ray was dizzy and blinded by the contractions, so he had plenty of time to duck before the mighty fist hit him, sending the hero into a spin that ultimately landed him in the chair. 

"Well, that was easy," (y/n) noted, and she felt better knowing he was in the right place. Wanting his comfort and health above everything, she turned to get her doofus some ice chips from the auto-snacker since that's what they always did on medical TV shows when the expectant mother got thirsty, but the moment she turned her back on him. Ray cried out for her return. 

"Please, (y/n), don't leave me! I can't do this alone," He begged, his hand flying out to grab her elbow as he assumed she was going to leave him to get on with it. He understood; he didn't want her to see him like this either, but the thought of going through alien birth of all things without her made his heart bleed. If he'd ever needed her, the time was now, and he sniffed at her wide eyes, thinking he had disgusted her. 

'Don't worry, darlin'. I disgust me too.'

"I'm not going anywhere, Ray. We're in this together," she assured him, rushing back to his side to clutch his hand. He could squeeze hers as hard as he wanted - and he did when another contraction wracked his body - because she wanted him to know that whilst this was probably the weirdest thing they'd ever do, he wasn't alone. He'd never be alone for as long as she lived. 

"I—I love—-ah, ah—can't you guys give me anything for the pain?!" He whimpered as he writhed in agony, wanting to get those three little words out for the woman who refused to give up on him, but it was just too much. 

"Doofus, don't you remember? Your densitised skin has bent every needle in the Man Cave every time we've tried," (y/n) soothed him, stroking his forehead as she recalled all the occasions Schwoz wanted to take blood for tests or administer vaccines and vitamins for the birth. None of them was sharp or strong enough to puncture his body, leading to a lot of flexible needles left in her first aid kit and a very whiny doofus. 

"Hey! I got the gummy-worm cheeseburger you wanted," Jasper announced as he arrived in the room with some good news. He'd been in the kitchen for god knows how long creating one of Ray's food-craving abominations, and Ray wanted the mishmash of flavours more than anything right now. Just something to take his mind off what was happening to him. 

"Oh, thank you, my sweet boy," the hero sighed, reaching for the bizarre burger as (y/n) bit back a smug smile. She didn't care that that was his name for her, mainly because he used it on Jasper. Not Henry or even Schwoz, but Jasper - the child he swore he hated. Curly was pretty sweet, and with a proud, touched face, he went to hand his boss the sandwich, only for Schwoz to slap it out of his hand. 

"No, you can't eat that!" The bitch. 

"Noooooooo! Whyyyyyyy?!" Ray cried as his sweet and salty snack splattered across the floor, meaning he couldn't eat it, not when his darling girl banned him from any more floor food. Was he not allowed one small comfort? They groaned and grumbled when he wanted to make out with his sweet girl, so he opted for a different taste sensation. Was that not enough?

"Because, normally, this alien baby would burst out of your stomach, but since your indestructible...there's only two ways for it to exit out your body," Schwoz explained, causing everyone to grimace as they pictured two exit holes on Ray's body. One north, one south, and the latter didn't bear thinking about. 

"I'm guessing it will come out of your mouth."

"Thank god for that," (y/n) muttered. She didn't like either option, but she was confident Ray wouldn't show his face to anyone for a year if an alien came out of his...so she steeled herself for what was about to come, namely a mutant creature crawling up his oesophagus. 

"But what if it doesn't come out of his mouth?" Jasper asked, appearing as the moron of the moment as he didn't read between the lines like everyone else, which made Schwoz pause for a moment. There was no delicate way to put it, and there were ladies in the room. 

"Well..."

"I'm out of here!" Charlotte declared, making a beeline for the elevator. She could do many things, but watching an alien baby drop from her boss's ass was not one of them. However, in a surprising twist, (y/n) called out for her, wanting her at his and Ray's side during this difficult time. She needed support and couldn't find it from any of the guys.

"No, no, Charlotte, please. Please don't leave me! You're the only normal one here!"

"Yeah. That's why I'm leaving," the girl replied as her friend gazed at her desperately, knowing she'd go insane if she couldn't talk to someone about what she was going through. Ray was incapacitated. Schwoz was to blame. Jasper tried his best, but he was like a goldfish. Charlotte was the only option without Henry or Piper - girl code?

"No, no, no! If I have to watch my doofus give birth, then I want someone to hold my hand too! So, what do you want?" (y/n) said bravely, swallowing her pride as she prepared to buy the girl's support, even if it meant flexing her doofus' wallet and patience a little bit. She rarely did it, so he didn't mind, and the girl was all ears. 

"Hmm? Name your price. Ray and I will...we'll give you a raise! The Man-Copter! You can have whatever you want, no questions asked, and no whining from him!"

"I'll take a raise," Charlotte shrugged, liking the idea of a few more dollars per hour than a helicopter she couldn't fly. Whilst she loved watching the man who made her job difficult squirm, she wasn't cruel, so against her better judgement, she'd stay for the mother-to-be. Or whatever (y/n) was about to become. 

"Done!" And with that, she walked over to the woman's side, squeezing her shoulder on the way past as she asked Schwoz what she could do to help. Meanwhile, Jasper eyed the expectant couple curiously, seeing how easy it was for his friend to get more money when he was on a mere pittance. 

"I'm outta here too!" He said suspiciously as he inched toward the elevator, hoping they would whine and beg for him to come back. Bribery was shameful, but he was shameless, but when Ray spun in the birthing chair, he saw who it was and made a quick decision. 

"See ya!" Ray said quickly before refocusing on his sweet girl and the rapidly approaching arrival. Jasper's face fell when they chattered about anything but him leaving, and he realised he didn't want to go properly. The appearance of their first child was supposed to be the happiest moment of their lives, something he wouldn't miss for the world, even if he weren't very subtle. 

"Okay, fine. I'll stay."

"Schwoz, you got to get this thing out of me. We've got to go help Henry! He could be in trouble," Ray grunted as his tummy began feeling funny. It was like the...thing was wriggling up through his intestines, going the opposite way it should've done - at least how he expected - and he was sure he would be split in two. He'd never felt pain like it and squeezed his fiancée's fingers so hard; he swore he heard a crunch. Bless her, though; she didn't make a fuss, guided his breathing and tried to rest his worrying mind. 

"Don't worry, sweetheart. He's a smart kid, and he knows what he's doing. Let's focus on you, yeah?"

"Listen to your lady fiancée," Schwoz nodded at (y/n)'s words, who frowned at his bizarre bedside manner, but more so when she glanced his way and saw the terrifying grabber forceps things he was holding. They were huge, primed to pounce and pull the alien baby out, but they also looked like torture devices—her poor doofus. 

"Now, open your mouth and say, ahhhhh!"

"Ahhhhh!" Ray screamed when he saw the torture device, feeling his stomach drop at the thought of it being shoved or stuck in him somewhere. Or perhaps that was his baby moving around. All he knew was he had his sweet girl by his side, and she wasn't going anywhere - thank god for that. Things were about to get weird. 

~

"You're doing well, doofus. Don't give up now—breathe easy...or as well as you can," (y/n) dithered as she cheered her lover on from the sidelines, but she had to admit; this was the weirdest shit she'd ever seen. Her heart lurched at the sight of Ray's bump as it swelled impossibly bigger, but that wasn't the issue. 

She'd seen documentaries and dramas on TV. She knew childbirth wasn't the prettiest or cleanest thing in the world. But dear god, if anyone told her she'd have to watch her future husband give birth through his mouth, she wouldn't punch them. It was terrifying - and now she knew why fathers fainted in the waiting room. 

Watching the bump move and pulsate was weird, but watching as the creature inside began its journey north damn near killed her. Like something from a horror movie, it crawled from Ray's lower intestine to his upper stomach and further. When they thought it would stop, it didn't - as per Schwoz's prediction, and (y/n) nearly threw up as her doofus' throat bulged and wriggled as the thing struggled to get out. 

"I see one of the baby's arms!" Schowz gasped as he peered down the man's frog-like throat, having laid Ray on his back to make it easier. Jasper and Charlotte stood by his feet, the girl supportively holding (y/n)'s hand as she paled at the genius' words. 

"What do you mean one of?" She asked worriedly as her lover moaned and groaned from the pain in his neck, but hey, at least his perfect abs were back. Maybe it was naïve, but she'd always imagined the alien baby as like a little Martian or something - something vaguely human-shaped but with green skin or red eyes, which would possibly be easier to accept. However, Schwoz made it sound weird because normal babies only have two - why didn't it sound like that?

"Only eleven more to go!" Of course, it had eleven. Why not? It could also have three heads and seventeen legs to make her have a coronary and an aneurysm. 

"Just get this fucking...thing out of him before I kill you, Schwoz!" (y/n) snapped, her patience wearing thin now she had a horrifying picture in her head, and a pathetic moan from her doofus made it worse. He was in pain, and it was all Schwoz's fault; the least he could do was deliver the alien so she could...step on it. She could live with a green baby, but not one with eleven arms - they'd never find a school to take it. 

"Yeah, I want to see an alien baby!" Jasper exclaimed, too, although he was trembling for a very different reason. That wasn't his soulmate on the slab, so he wasn't worried—more like shaking with trepidation at the thought of seeing a real-life creature from another planet. 

"It's stuck! I can't get it out!" The small man grunted as he shoved his fingers down Ray's gullet to try and prise the alien from his lower throat - as seen by the ever-growing bulge there - but it shrank away from his fingers. It knew that something was after it and wanted to stay in Ray like a cuckoo in the nest, which was incredibly distressing for (y/n) to watch. 

"Pull harder!" Charlotte told him, rubbing the woman's back as she was forced to take a step back, so the doctor had enough room to operate. Her hands were clamped over her mouth and nose in a prayer-like lattice as if she was trying to smother her sobs and plead for mercy from whichever demon cursed them like this. 

"Come over and help me!" Schwoz ordered them, fed up with all the shouting and curse words directed at him, and no sooner than he said it, they...stayed where they were. 

(y/n) swore she'd have nothing to do with the disturbing process, merely that she'd hold Ray's hand and nothing more, and even though she wanted it out more than anyone, save for the hero himself, she refused to put her hands anywhere near those tentacles. His head was spinning from the lack of oxygen, and he knew he'd need a twelve-hour nap after this. 

"Not a chance. I'm not going near that thing."

"Fine. I have another idea," the handyman sighed and pulled up his gloves as Ray gagged and he switched to plan B. This was going to get messy. "Hold onto your leechees..."

"It's pronounced lychees—" Jasper advised him, much like Henry and (y/n) did days earlier when the whole mess started, but Schwoz wasn't listening. 

In a sudden yet brilliant move, he leaned over and sat the chair up at a blinding speed. The rapid change in velocity meant Ray's body lurched forward, sending the creature in his throat hurtling out into a bright, strange, new world in the blink of an eye, leaving him as indestructible as ever, (y/n) overwhelmed at the relief that instantly flooded her body and Jasper...with the alien on his face. 

He said he wanted to see a real-life alien, and he couldn't get a closer look than that. 

"Aw, it's so cute," Schwoz cooed as Jasper, and the girls screamed, obviously seeing something different to them since the...thing on his face was terrifying. Eleven pink tentacles writhed across the boy's face as the jade-coloured body clamped to his nose, a million red eyes taking in the room it was born in. It was small and covered in a thick mucus that made it hard for Jasper to grab, so it stayed stuck to him, even as he clawed to get it off before its sharp, wide mouth ate him. 

"Cute?! Are we looking at the same alien?! That...thing is—it's a monster!" (y/n) choked on her saliva as she wrapped an arm around her doofus, eyes glued to the creature that had spewed from her lover, who looked around dopily as his head cleared for the first time in days. 

"And I am o-kay!" He groaned and got to his feet as his indestructibility made the pain fade within seconds, and he'd never felt so light on his feet when he slid out of the birthing chair. His beautiful stomach was flat again, his back didn't hurt, his ankles weren't swollen, and better still, he wasn't feeling crabby. However, the best thing had to be the teary girl helping him up, looking so perfect with her tear-stained cheeks and tousled hair. 

As he slid into her embrace and her hand rested on his cheek, marvelling at how handsome he was, the tubes beeped and dropped, signalling Henry's return. The mission had gone well, thanks to Piper, and despite a few bumps in the road, the grease heist had been thwarted, meaning they could celebrate the new, hideous arrival with some sorely needed food. 

"Hey, I got Chinese food!" The kid announced once he landed, looking across the room and seeing several things that baffled him. 

First, he saw that Ray was no longer pregnant since his tunic was still unzipped and showing his deliciously toned body, which was a massive relief. Second, he noted how (y/n) was smiling brighter than she had done in days, her arms curled around her fiancé's waist as they turned and walked towards him with their love stronger than ever. Nothing unusual there, and he didn't even mind when Ray pulled her into a mad, passionate, tongue-filled kiss and gently squeezed her butt. 

They deserved it after so much suffering, but seeing a weird, green, snarling blob on his best friend's face shocked him, and that was hard to do after so many years in the Man Cave. What was that...thing?

"Oh, yes, I'm starving!"

"Me too, doofus. I want some of those noodles," the couple grinned and headed for the couch, still wrapped up in each other as Charlotte and Schwoz joined them, and the kid placed the bag on the table. 

The alien was old news now the food had arrived, and Ray had so much to catch up on anyway. He was going to do the noodle-kiss thing with his sweet girl, he was going to drag her to the showers after, and he was going to let her use his body as a mattress when they went to bed - highly needed after lacking his soulmate for so many days. 

"Whoa, what's on Jasper's face?" Henry asked with a deep frown on his features as his friend shrieked and scrambled for safety, but the green blob wouldn't let go. Ray didn't seem particularly bothered as he hovered over his sweet girl and ripped open the takeaway bag, hoping he could serve her a plateful as any protector and provider should, especially when she'd pandered to his every whim in the last week. 

"That is our son," he replied, patting (y/n)'s shoulder as she shuddered at the idea of mothering a squealing, rabid creature that liked to eat people's faces.

"Aw, congrats."

"Don't rub it in, Hen," she rolled her eyes as Ray handed her a carton of chop suey, and the boy giggled at her mortified expression. Neither she nor Ray looked particularly bothered about the alien, so he guessed that Schwoz would adopt it as one of his many insane pets. Speaking of the mad scientist, he studied the alien as it terrorised the boy in front of them and came to a startling conclusion. 

"I think it's a girl..." he corrected, although no one was quite sure how he could tell. 

"That is our daughter," Ray quickly corrected, which was much worse—nothing at all like the little girl he'd imagined in his dreams. It didn't have her (y/c/e) for a start. 

Henry choked back a laugh as (y/n) glowered at the creature, looking like she wanted to put it in the toilet and flush, and he couldn't help himself. Seeing the couple most suited to being parents in the world shuddering at the idea was just so funny. 

"Aw, congrats."

"We are never speaking of this again," the woman told him sternly, pointing a sharp chopstick under his nose as Ray squeezed her shoulder and gave her a soft smile. Some things are better left untouched and unsaid.

Henry didn't press the matter; instead, he laughed into his stir-fry and began narrating some epic tale about how he took down two grease thieves single-handedly...with a bit of help from his baby sister. Everyone listened eagerly, ignoring the alien on Jasper's face since it wasn't meant to be. 

One day, mini Manchesters would run riot everywhere because Ray wanted an army of kids and (y/n) wanted that too. They'd have a cute house, a cute dog, and a table big enough to seat fifty since they'd have the big family they'd always wanted - a peaceful life in a quiet spot where their real and adopted children would always have a place to stay, no matter where they drifted in life. They'd make sure they had a home and a hot meal to return to. 

Yeah, Ray and (y/n) would make great parents. After all, they'd already had five years of experience.

[tragicromanceisland]

What Happens in Wonderland, Remains

Character x female reader

Chapter Four

“Uncle Leona!!”

Leona grumbled under his breath; this was – what seemed to be the 27th time – in one day that his nephew sought him out.

“Uncle Leona, wait!!” Cheka called out.

Leona halted abruptly as his kid nephew ran into him.

“What is it this time, kid? I’m busy.” He retorted.

Cheka huffed out as he straightened himself and stood in front of his uncle. He wasn’t near as tall as his uncle yet, but he was gaining some height! Leona narrowed his eyes.

“What’s the matter you’re dad ain’t got time for ya or something?”

“Who is this?” Cheka asked as he showed Leona a picture of you hanging over a smug looking Leona.

Leona’s eyes widened as he placed a gloved hand to his forehead. His heart was racing at a mere image of you. His tail flicked as he grabbed the photo out of Cheka’s hand.

“Where’d ya get this?” He snarled.

Cheka furrowed his brows. “Answer my question first! Then I’ll tell you.”

Leona huffed irritated; he wasn’t in the mood to play games.

“Whatever, it’s none of your business.” He stormed off.

Cheka frowned. He just wanted to know because he had seen his uncle look at that same photo for years. He always seemed so sad when he looked at it. He figured the lady in the picture must have been someone important. He just wanted his uncle to be happy. Little did Cheka know that his father Farena had seen the whole thing.

Farena sighed as his eyes fell to the floor. If there was one thing, he hated more than Leona being so hard on himself it was seeing his brother unhappy without the one person he cared about most by his side. He knew he was lucky; he had his wife and his son. His life was good, though it wasn’t without its struggles. Farena had tried for years now to try and get Leona to date other people at least see if he could find someone he could be compatible with. Yet it always came back to her, and Leona always left, not wanting to waste his energy arguing about the subject.

Leona shouldn’t have visited today; it was the same thing every time. His car was shut off in the garage of his house. He stared at the photo his nephew found. His thumb brushed over your image. He bumped his head back against the headrest of his seat and closed his eyes.

Would you be proud of me? Or would you be disappointed in me like my family? I can’t help but wonder about the kind of life we could have if you return and accept my proposal. Or maybe… you’ve moved on. It’s been five years. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you and wondered how you’re doing.

…(y/n).

I still love you, so when will you return to me? When are you going to show up and apologize for keepin’ me waitin’ for so damn long?

He blinked open his emerald eyes and sighed. He was too tired for anything else today. He needed a nap. He exited his car and walked into the house through the garage. His house was messy, but thankfully, he had Ruggie to help him keep it clean every other day he would come over to check on him. He was annoying, but at least he helped him. Jack occasionally showed up, too. He wondered if they were worried about him. He brushed it off. The only thing that mattered was being able to see you again. He was going to make it happen eventually.

 He pulled off his clothes and tossed them on the floor wherever. His bedroom floor is littered with clothing. He walked into his bathroom and filled up the bathtub. Sinking into the comfortably warm water, he exhaled. His mind wandered to one of his favorite memories he had with you.

“Are you sure?”

“If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be standin’ here telling ya it was okay.” He retorted as he began to remove his clothing.

Leona was the first one you told your secret to. He knew you were a woman, and this was the first time you were exposing this to him. He had only found out by the unfortunate timing of your menstrual cycle. You happened to be sitting beside him, and you could see his nose scrunching up. Then he turned over to you and began sniffing close to your side until he immediately withdrew from you. His ears flattened against his head as his tail began to flick. You were mortified. Leona kept his distance for a day after that, and then he confronted you with a smug smile in the hallway, saying he knew you weren’t really a male.

You slowly stripped down, embarrassed. Leona was using all his willpower to not watch as you undressed to your undergarments. He stripped first and emerged into the water. A few seconds later, you joined him in the pool, and Leona faced you.

“Since it’s just the two of us… how about we have some fun?”

The smug look on his face made your cheeks warm. “You mean…?”

“If I kissed you, would you be okay with it?”

It had been a while since you dated someone. Your relationship in high school ended with your boyfriend cheating on you. So you had remained single for a while, and now that you were at Night Raven College, maybe you could have a loyal boyfriend. Leona was only a foot away from you, his heart pounding.

“I’m…okay with it.”

Leona didn’t waste time closing the distance. Ever since he found out, he had been replaying a first kiss with you in his mind at least twenty times or more a day, and now, finally, he had a good opportunity to do so.

“Are you sure?”

He didn’t want to feel like he was pressuring you into it.

You nodded. “I would like to kiss you too.”

He arched a brow. He was pleasantly surprised you felt the same. He reached out water dripping from his hand and arm as he placed his palm on the side of your neck as his eyes fell to your lips. You leaned in closer and closed your eyes. His lips pressed against yours as his eyes closed. When he pulled away just enough to study your reaction. Your eyes fluttered open, and you met his darkened, lustful gaze. You felt a pull as you pressed your lips back against his. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he pushed you up against the side of the pool. His canines poked into your lower lip as your lips continued to touch repeatedly.

Leona snapped out of the memory and lowered his eyes to the water that filled the tub. He was miserable without you. He couldn’t even look at other women the same way. Besides, it’s not like he wanted to look at other women anyway. He sighed his brother, and his wife would only keep nagging at him about finding someone else. He was tired of hearing it. Maybe he would try finding someone else…maybe.

[jaggedwolf]

pll rewatch 2x05

2x05 gives us Emily leading an investigation while Spencer would Like To Rest (“can we please slay one dragon at a time” is an actual line she says) 

Very fair of Spencer to have been more scared of Ian than A. She still suggests that her parents give Ian a funeral. She can’t help these bursts of sentiment, as vulnerable as they make her

Oh, this is the episode in which Spencer accidentally yells at her maternal grandmother on the phone! I hope at least her nana is nice to her :/ Also still waiting for Spencer to get a threat-free sleepover :/ 

“Pookie Bear” and “Z”. I would ask which nickname is worse except Aria’s is a cute kiddo family thing and I bet Ezra felt soooooo cooooooool being called Z in college. I would forgive this in another character but not in him. 

Ashley’s spiel that the year after Ali’s disappearance she was terrified every time Hanna went out the door - it recontextualizes her panic the night Hanna went camping with Caleb, yes, but I wonder if she’s the only parent this was true of. It would be easy for all the other parents to think of their girls as immune to whatever happened to Alison but Ashley seems the least likely to fall prey to the just-world fallacy. 

Pam is out of town, likely visiting Wayne. I idly wonder how their marriage is doing with the distance. I mean, look, this is the only parental marriage I’m going to care about, y’all understand that right?

Ashley and Hanna discuss Ashley leaving home when she was 17 and not going to her dad’s funeral but paying for it. Ashley is also the parent most likely to be honest about her upbringing to her kid, with Hanna clearly comfortable asking her questions about it, and I think it gives her a better understanding of both her mom and Caleb.

...I don’t think Wilden was the first time Ashley engaged in quasi-transactional sex

Emily scrapbooked her way through an investigation. Emily is absolutely the kind of kid who grows up to be quite similar to her mom (and be annoyed by anyone pointing it out) and I would find the idea of Emily as a mom endearing if it was not for uh....canon....

Best A message of the episode: Hey, Em. Is it just me? Or does that suicide note look familiar?

A is like, Emily is not the solo deranged investigator type that Spencer is, I need to give her helpful prompts

Emily and Pam watch Wheel of Fortune together. I bet the Hastings watch Jeopardy (the rare times they are in town) and are very competitive with each other, the Marins watch the trashiest dating shows and the Montgomerys Do Not Believe in Reality TV (Mike watches Jackass)

Emily wants justice for Alison. Spencer wants safety for the living. Her living, which boils down to: the Liars, her family, Toby

Logan Reed yells “I don’t know how to describe voices!” Same, bro, same. 

Veronica apologizing to Spencer....I forgot this scene entirely. Veronica says “You work so hard. You always have.” and apologizes for letting a monster into their home and you can see something light up in Spencer and it is so sad even if I cannot remember how/if/when/where Veronica betrays her promise here in the future

Caleb once went without a meal for four days and has seen a dead body before :( He says it’s a short trip from Eat, Pray, Love to Drink, Snap, Slap :( 

I’m glad Hanna’s absurd “Erin Brockobitch” ploy worked to get him cash, even if I don’t understand why the Marins buy ice instead of using their freezer to make it.

Do like that the way they get back together is Hanna seeing him have a bad time and basically going ok I’ve got to do something about this. Hanna ends up going to a graveyard after this so maybe Caleb did not ditch his Goonies date with Lucas.

Other Caleb facts: clearly does not like Goonies, does like kung fu flicks

The note Jason found in his pocket has the same odd capitalization of “T” that Ian’s fake suicide note does, huh

Garrett pays off Logan Reed and reports back to Jenna. I ponder the times that PLL departs from our protagonists’ perspectives/immediate contexts and to what degree the show succeeds in playing with that.

Ella is spooked by Ian having been a regular adult at her kids’ school, someone she said hi to on the hallway and someone she trusted as a fellow authority over kids. ....are they trying to make Ezra seem terrible here or what???

Spemily are united in the graveyard hunt bc Spencer is back in bulldog mode after getting yelled at by her sister, and it’s a good look for them, while Team Haria is like :/ the ground is squishy whyyyy :/

Boom, Alison was alive after Ian left her. What the fuck else did she do that night huh.

[jemstone55]

Small idea/thought of a avatar various x fem!reader

I'm just writing out whatever story i just thought of, don't judge me :")

(first time using tumblr posting something so i am not sure if i did this right tbh)

Atwow various × Kanao Tsuyuri!reader

Y/n lived in a very poor place and had been abused when she was very young. After being beaten,starved and miserable almost everyday,one day she broke psychologically and became an empty shell.

One day,she was eventually sold off into slavery but got saved by two sisters who are scientists. The sisters adopted and raised y/n as their sister. The younger of the two sisters named Shinobu Kocho was reluctant to adopt y/n at first but warm up to y/n and took care of y/n with her older sister. The older sister ,Kanae Kocho, gave y/n a coin and instructed y/n to flip the coin if she needs help making a decision.

As a few years went by, the kocho sisters were given the chance to go to Pandora as a part of the good scientist there. They brought y/n along to Pandora as they couldn't leave y/n behind and wanted y/n to also have a better life in Pandora. (Set two years before the twow)

When the three sisters got there,they were amazed with the sceneries of the planet. Kanao went out exploring one day and was just looking around, distracted by the life in Pandora,she didn't notice four pairs of eyes on her.

All of them being entranced by her beauty. The smallest of them all accidentally step on a twig and cause the human to turn around quickly in surprised. All four beings starts to panicked looking at the human while y/n just stares at them in a calm posture but have sweat dropping and feel alert.

The four pairs of eyes being Spider,Lo'ak,Kiri and Tuk.

They slowly come out of their hiding spot and all of them just have their eyes looking into y/n eyes. After a while of having a mini staring contest,the reader ran away quickly. The four quickly ran to y/n catching up to her. Then they talk cautiously to y/n,then y/n just flips her coin when they asked her some questions. Sometimes she just smiles and didn't answer the question,sometimes she answers them but in short sentences. This makes them all even more interested and curious about this human girl. All four of the strangers likes y/n's voice and wants to hear more so they ask y/n lots of question. At the end,after getting to know each other more,the three teens sorta have small unnoticeable crush on y/n while Tuk really likes y/n as a mysterious friend. They talked until dark and went back their respective home.

The Sully kids all talked about y/n to their brother, Neteyam, and their parents. They met y/n and likes her but is kinda weirded out by her using the coin making decisions. Wonders why she does it but doesn't ask since it's not really their business.

Neteyam,like his siblings, is mesmerized by y/n's beauty. Never thought a human could look this pretty-

Does feel a little envy that his siblings and friend got to know y/n first.

Neytiri was cautious and doesn't really like Y/n at first but starts to like and accept her seeing how y/n helps healing and protecting her kids(especially Lo'ak) when they go out doing something reckless and also because of how y/n isn't annoying or pretending to be one of them like a certain someone she dislikes *ahem* spider *ahem hem*

Like her children,she also likes y/n's voice and would make an effort to get to know y/n and sometimes would talk to y/n.

Jake just thinks of y/n as another daughter and would know his children is infatuated with the human girl.(Neytiri knows as well)

Y/n is always called by the Sully's kids +spider to hang out in their place or the kids use the excuse of showing y/n around to actually hang out with y/n

Y/n starts to help around the clan as she doesn't wants to be a burden when she's going around in their territory.

The clan accepted y/n as their own because of how the human helps around a lot and is really nice even tho she is mysterious and a bit weird in their opinion.

When the forest was burning,the kocho sisters sacrifice themselves for y/n to escape safely.

Y/n then also fights the humans with the na'vi as her sisters wish for her to help and protect the place and its people. Y/n became slightly colder but the Sullys are there for her and it kinda makes them a bit worried when y/n doesn't cry for her sisters death. She finally told them her backstory and how her brothers got killed just for crying,making the Sullys,the clan and others feeling sorry and protective of her and even more angry towards the sky people.(i really want someone to write their reactions towards characters backstory)

Y/n kinda just get adopted by the Sully family.

Jake decides to bring y/n along with them to the metkayina clan because she also got caught by Miles Quaritch with the others and he is worried that y/n is also gonna be targeted.

At the metkayina clan,ofc the clan members were angry,scared and wary of y/n's presence. The Sullys held a protective stance in front of y/n, Kiri hold y/n's hand to soothe y/n(or herself). But they didn't really need to, with the way of how y/n is,being calm and quiet,made the members intrigued by her. Her smile is so pretty that the members let some of their guard down. Ao'nung and Rotxo couldn't really make any remarks about y/n as they were mesmerising her beauty. Tsireya couldn't help but stare at the pretty human girl as well, intrigued and in awe.

Ronal harshly criticized y/n but stopped when y/n never say anything and have some thoughts that maybe this "demon" isn't quite bad.

After being accepted into the clan,the reader tried her best to learn the metkayina ways. She impressed almost everyone with how she learns fast and really well. Tsireya always wants to hang out with y/n to get to know each other.

Rotxo and y/n starts to have a pleasant friendship.

Ao'nung and his friends tried to taunt y/n but she just smiles and say nothing,making Ao'nung and his friends a bit frustrated. But Ao'nung can't help but wants to get closer to her,since he's not good with feelings and wants to keep his reputation infront of his friends,he just bullies y/n for being a "demon" and also taunts her about her coin.

The Sully kids gets really protective of y/n when they see Ao'nung and his gang trying to bully her.

One day,Ao'nung just gets really frustrated with y/n that he just threw her coin into the water. Y/n just panicked and franticly gets into the water to find her coin. Ao'nung and his gang was just surprised to see her like that since she's always in a calm posture. They did laughed at y/n but starts to worry as she didn't come back up for a while. The Sully kids,Rotxo and Tsireya saw the entire thing and did quickly ran to the scene but was too late when y/n rush into the water.

Y/n was so focused on finding her coin that she forgot her breathing lessons and just starts to drown without much care tbh, she's just thinks about the coin,the coin is the last thing she got from her late sister,it made her thought of how she lost the coin like she lost Kanae and Shinobu again.

Ao'nung quickly rush to save y/n while the Sully kids,Rotxo,Tsireya also dived into the water wanting to save y/n while Ao'nung's friends all waited for them to come out.

Ao'nung did saved y/n,but she was unconscious,everyone grew even more concern and scared.While rushing to Ronal to get y/n treated, the Sully kids and Tsireya all scolded Ao'nung and Rotxo just wanting to bring y/n quickly to the Tsahik.

The adults(Tonowari,Ronal, Neytiri and Jake) asked what happened. After telling them everything, Ronal and Tonowari just gets angry at Ao'nung and scolded him then make him apologize to the Sullys and especially y/n after she wakes up.

The metkayina na'vi then asked about the coin,then the Sullys just explained about it and told them y/n's backstory.

Ao'nung and his friends felt even more terrible after hearing what y/n had gone through as a child and now the metkayina clan knows why y/n is like this. This make the metkayina leaders have a sorta soft spot for the girl. They and the clan does accept her as a good sky person and also fully part of their clan.

Ao'nung changed and starts being nicer to y/n after the event. Developing a nice friendship. This made the Sully kids a bit jealous like prince fish lips was a big bully and now he's just being nice like all of a sudden stealing their best friend.

They were also jealous when the metkayina people starts to hang out with y/n more,making them spending less time together. But they feel less jealous when y/n always says they'll never be replace by these people.

Now the sully kids and the metkayina kids starts to have a competition of stealing y/n's attention wherever or whenever they can.

Now i feel embarrassed

I wrote too much lol

Once i start writing,i couldn't stop