#isnt the progressive thing u think it is

[givemedamage]

of course u make another creature and of course u put glasses on it

[desinyschildrenjkjm]

Sometimes people are so anti shipping or anti-being-perceived-as-a-shipper that their rants, lectures, anger, witch-hunting, squirming and uncomfortable avoidance and palapable disgust just circle in on themselves into sounding straight up homophobic. People will think what they think, I see things how I see them and you can see it how you see it, but stop to think about how your stubborn 'defense' would affect any lgbtq people who now feel uncomfortable in the hostile environment you've created around even the possibility of same sex love. its far more harmful in general to be so violently, loudly opposed to even the idea of members dating or people seeing them as romantic together than it is for people to just be wrong about them but enjoy their chemistry. Just unclench.

[website-com]

the next thing i want to concentrate on in my art is space and composition, which is gonna be soooooooo annooyiinggg without a formal education. im gonna have to watch tutorials and stuff uugghh

[rouge-the-bat]

having adhd will make you not have the energy to do shit like cooking and cleaning and general Things You Need To Do To Live but WILL make you have extreme motivation to make a transcript of all dialogue of a 100+ episode 90s anime, take a million screenshots, rip models from a ps2 game of the anime when you have no experience with doing that, so not only you can use them but also all of this can be available online for peoples easy access. just because the anime is your fucking hyperfixation

[sirenemale]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

[specters]

it's actually so funny to see posts that are like "if you aren't physically active, if you can't do this strenuous work, if you aren't capable of this, this, or that then it's your fault you're depressed" or whatever but like repackaged in language that makes it sound less "bad" so everybody's reblogging & having a good time and when someone points out that it's kind of ableist & generally shitty somebody inevitably throws the chronically online accusation or goes "oh well i don't mean physically disabled people" like ok then what did you mean. bc not everyone has the same abilities as you & that doesn't make them useless or lazy or less of a person & doing physical labor doesn't make someone a better one sooo

[cutemeat]

@nightcrawlerzincorporated Exactly the point i was making with this post thank u 🥹💛

Season 6 // Season 16

[fardf150]

ig my problem is that when ppl who ive never spoken to who dont and will never have a reason to refer to me ask my pronouns it feels too much like the "are you a boy or girl" question. like im cool when theyre asking everybody bc they plan on knowing and talking to all of us. but when they approach me and only me and i dont know them it's like Oh youre just uncomfortable with the fact that i confuse you and you need to be able to classify me

[orcelito]

A part of me is going "I could write this so much better" then a bigger part of me is going "this situation wouldn't even exist in the first place if they were properly in character" which about sums up my feelings about it all

[nothorses]

hi sorry to bother u about this, i searched around transmasc subreddits for an answer to this and while i saw a few people joking about getting dry cramps, nobody seems to know what this is. and i vaguely remember seeing a post by you mentioning "mystery cramps" in a post also about vaginal atrophy, but I didnt pay attention to the post much at the time bc at that point i wasnt experiencing atrophy or mystery cramps.

but now I'm a bit over a year on T, (my periods stopped only about 4 months ago though, because i was on a much lower dose than most for a lot longer time than most. that ~4 months ago time frame lines up with upping my dose from 0.2 to 0.3ml. i'm on 0.4ml tho now as of about 3 weeks ago) and suddenly i'm getting "mystery cramps" sometimes, it seems to happen especially the night before my T-shot day, (but i cant say that with certainty—i know i'm having them right now and my shot day is tomorrow morning, and i think thats been the case, but i dont know for sure) and they feel exactly like period cramps. to the point where i feel super paranoid that maybe i've been injecting improperly and the testosterone isnt absorbing right and my period is actually coming back. (something i often have nightmares about)

i searched your blog again for that post and did find it, (the one about estradiol cream treating it) but the wording of it is a little unclear and i wanted to just clarify that this is the same thing youre talking about? or if what im experiencing is different than the "mystery cramps" you meant and i should see a doctor

I am for sure not a doctor, and I think you should see one either way!

My personal understanding of the "mystery cramps" is that it's a part of "vaginal atrophy" that some, but not all trans folks who go on T experience, and it usually doesn't start until a couple of years on T ( which is also, to my knowledge, based on more standard doses as opposed to "low-dose" T).

Mine started about two years in, and was happening occasionally at first- always at night, and often the day before my T shot- then progressed to several nights a week over time. Nowadays I tend to experience cramping almost every time I so much as miss one dose of estradiol. Ibuprofen and Midol are the only OTC pain relievers that seem to do the trick, and the cramping will keep me up through the entire night untreated. It also tends to come in fairly predictable waves (spaced maybe 15-30 minutes apart) and right before I started estradiol, I remember getting some light spotting as well.

iirc, I talked to my PCP when it was just starting up, and their response was along the lines of "that's weird, let's keep an eye on it". I moved and didn't have a PCP for a while, so when the spotting started, I went to a walk-in urgent care clinic and talked to them. They gave me a referral for an ultrasound, and encouraged me to go to a "women's health" clinic that had long history of specializing in trans care as well. When I talked to the folks at that clinic, they encouraged me to go through with the ultrasound (I didn't), and prescribed estradiol cream because I asked them to and they didn't see a reason not to try it.

If you think it's possible this is what's going on with you, I would really encourage you to talk to a doctor, specifically bring up research around this issue and estradiol cream as a treatment option, and ask them if there's a reason not to try it just to see if it does anything for you. If nothing else, estradiol cream also treats vaginal dryness, tightness, and inflammation (other symptoms of "vaginal atrophy"), so it might be worth a shot for those reasons anyway!

And don't do what I did; if they want you to do an ultrasound or whatever else, go with it, and rule out other possibilities. Listen to medical advice from medical professionals who know your medical history and who you trust are listening to you & know what they're talking about.

[gloomygloworm]

i watched the doom patrol episode with the dead boys in it (dead patrol its in season 3 i watched nothing of the show other than this episode) and something thats imprinted itself on the back of my eyelids is edwin and charles with the sad mummy at the river of souls or w/e, and this dude is like "soooooo u and charles are.....pretty close huh? kinda gay huh?" and edwin just hits back with (this is a direct quote) "He's my mate. Don't be crass, all right? Even if I did, it... it wouldn't be normal. It wouldn't be normal, so why talk about it?"

i'm so obsessed with this. it wouldn't be normal, so why talk about it?

because yeah, when ur in the closet or just repressed or just ASHAMED at how u feel, its not normal so why talk about it? why THINK about it? just keep ur head down and dont ruin what you have with things like feelings that arent normal.

how many times have YOU sat back and said "this isnt normal" when thinking about someone of the same gender expression as you? (whether it was true then or now, at some point) how many times have you curled into yourself and felt othered just because heterosexuality wasn't what you experienced?

how often do you think edwin felt something "not normal" when looking at a boy and how often do you think he drowned under the weight of his shame? of his own self-disgust? how do you think the netflix show would have progressed if we were shown a little more of THAT misery? that "this isnt normal" kind of misery? i love him as he is, ofc i do edwin is a great and IMPORTANT character. but what if he struggled just a little more, just a little longer?

i am spinning this concept in my hands trying to find the best way to use it (ive slowed down on writing because my brain is soupy again) like, i see a lot of fan content on tumblr about the dead patrol boys meeting the netflix boys, is it only right to make them meet through hand wavy magic and have edwin and edwin talk it out? or just apply the concept to the netflix boys and expand on an episode?

i do love that he got to accept himself - i just kind of wish i got to see the kind of suffering we go through more on the screen and how edwin dealt with it.

[nightcolorz]

So you seem to be the Armand expert and I have a few questions!

So what are the clear differences between like the book and movie and show Armand like what facets of the characters remain and which facets changed?

Also which aspects of each interpretation do you like? (Like what show Armand difference do you like) and which aspects of book Armand do you wish they would include in a future season? (Hope I’m making sense!)

AHH TY!!! (Being called an Armand expert is my favorite thing lmao)

I assume when in comes to book vs show vs movie u are asking me to talk about the changes of the character that r less superficially obvious (so u don’t expect me to just list height and age and ethnicity differences and be done with it lol). But either way, to start out, book Armand is Ukrainian, 5’6, ginger, cherub like, was turned into a vampire at 17. Show Armand is Indian, 6��0, lean and muscular, turned into a vampire at 27. Movie Armand is Antonio banderas, lmao.

I think the change that most significantly alters the adaptations of Armand from book Armand is the age change. In the books Armand being turned into a vampire as a teenager is essential to everything about him, backstory and personality wise. To keep Armand the same while aging him up you have to do a lot of substitutions that justify why he is like that that don’t include “he has the mind of a teenager”. What they do with show Armand is kind of like, imagine if there was an adaptation where the writers wanted Claudia to have a similar core conflict as she did in the books but she was aged up to be turned into a vampire when she was an adult. How do u keep the essence of the tragedy that way?? And the what the show does is, it justifies Armand being 27 by in some ways reducing his maturity and prolonging his trauma so that a similar affect to being mentally a child comes about anyway. Show Armand isnt physically a child like book Armand is, but bcus of his trauma he thinks like one. Instead of an adult trapped in the body and mind of a child he’s a child stumbling around in the body of an adult, which is rlly interesting. With this, I get the impression that book armand is more mature, self reliant, and well rounded than show Armand is. Which is funny considering he’s the 17 yr old lmaoo. But rlly, book Armand’s emotional problems and his stunted growth come from outside factors, it’s almost like a psychical disability in a way. Show Armand isnt psychically stunted, so to make the character conflict work he is just extra emotionally stunted. So he’s less functioning, in a weird way, then book Armand.

book Armand is also an angrier character then show Armand. Book Armand has mountains of betrayal and hurt and anger stored in his 5’6 ass body. He has that teen boy spite streak, yknow. Book Armand is very psychically violent and confrontational. The way he preforms violence is often very methodical, he’s the ripping wings of a butterfly type. Show Armand has some of these traits, but his violent tendencies are seemingly more controlled than book Armand, who is genuinely unhinged. Show Armand has a stronger reign over his behavior and acts out of anger less often. He is more so just looking to survive than to kill and maim. I think one of the most book Armand scenes in the show was definitely Armand torturing Daniel in episode 5. Violent torture coming from a strange place of childlike curiosity and betrayal is a big thing with Armand throughout the book series.

But despite the violence, book Armand is genuinely more mature then show Armand. He’s more confident, self reliant, and adult by the 80s than show Armand is in 2020. While show Armand has been living with Louis for 77 yrs and hasn’t experienced life ever when he’s not clinging to someone else, book Armand is able to rebuild himself and develop into a functioning independent person. I do think show Armand will become more and more like book Armand as the show progresses, however.

movie Armand is a different character entirely lmao. He’s basically just Armand in the first book taken out of context and played by antonio banderas. He has as much individual character as an audio book narrator lmao. His lack of backstory and older casting that alienates Armand from his core traits and motives makes it hard for me to see him as anything but a watered down extension of book Armand lol.

my favorite part of show Armand is Assad’s wet cat performance, lol. I love how they keep Armand’s book backstory broadly the same and flesh out and add parts that make it more interesting. And I love how they made Armand a person of color, that is probably my favorite change made in the show in general. I love that book Armand is a teenager, and it’s a shame that I’ll never see an adaptation exploring what that means for his character, but I’m happy with how amc is re inventing the material to be just as interesting. I hope they start to include the nuances of book Armand introduced in queen of the damned (aka: the autism). The revelation that Armand is oddly whimsical, earnestly curious, and fascinated with being a part of human society is what I think is essential to humanizing and endearing him to the audience.

ty for the ask!

[freyito]

Can I request platonic Tomas and Bi-Han headcannons with a gn child/teen reader who has difficulty feeling emotions because they were never taught how to process or deal with emotions and the only thing they were told about emotions were to hide them?

This is kinda self indulgent, so I'm sorry if it's kinda specific or weird to you

its alright anon this also lowkey heals the inner child in me BECAUSE THATS ME THATS ME THATS ME TOO. paired with flat affect (and rbf) i had a really hard time understanding emotions in general as a kid!!!! nothing could process properly so i was (and still am) the definition of :l (KACPER LORE!!!)so im slappin flat affect on here as well, if u dont mind anon

cw: gn reader, platonic, proud bi-han, happy tomas, reader is teen (age isnt mentioned however), proofread

ᴛᴏᴍᴀꜱ & ʙɪ-ʜᴀɴ + ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴡʜᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴜɢɢʟᴇꜱ ᴡ/ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴ

-Tomas Vrbada

Tomas comes from a place of sympathy. Perhaps he doesn't quite understand why it's so hard for you to show your emotions, given he's very expressive himself. The most he's experienced is difficult emotions, so he tries his very best not to step over a line.

He's curious and worried, though. He wants to understand you better, and he wants to know just why it is so hard to smile around him.

So, Tomas tries hard to make you smile, any sort of emotion. He'll give you gifts, things he thinks you'll find interesting from his missions, or just try and surprise you in any sort of way. Which always falls short.

He notices that in tense times, or even in times of tragedy you almost seem unsure about how to feel. And afterwards, you almost seem unaffected, in a bad way.

He swallows his pride and just asks you why it's hard to make you emote, why your voice almost lacks emotion. And when you don't have a proper answer, somehow he forms his own answer.

He's kind to you, as much as he will always seek out a reaction, he doesn't think of you any differently. In fact, he's actually determined to teach you how to properly understand your emotions.

He assures you it's okay to cry, happy cry, sad cry, confused cry, whatever kind of cry. Although, not much had come up to render this reaction out of you. He's almost too expressive around you, almost as if he's showing you what to do.

At the end of the day, however, Tomas is sure to help you. Regardless. It doesn't matter if you can only pout now, it's progress. And he's happy. He's actually made it a point to be there during every big step. He finds it so hard to contain himself when he sees you genuinely smile for the first time.

-Bi-Han

Now, Bi-Han understands hiding your emotions. He himself was taught to keep them hidden. But slowly, that had just turned into resentment. So he sees a lot of himself in you.

He'll brush it off at first, he tells himself he doesn't want to get into it. But he slowly convinces himself to come around. He's empathetic, he almost understands every movement you make.

He puts in as much effort as he can, at least, what he thinks is enough effort. As strong as he knows he is, he knows that it's a bad idea to let this evasion of emotion turn into the anger he feels.

Bi-Han sits you down, and talks to you directly. He doesn't tell you his entire story, but he tells you that it's okay to allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to express that. But, he tells you not to force yourself to feel. There's a fine line between those two differences.

He enjoys watching your progress, and just like Tomas, he wants to be there every step of the way. But he's also a bit too prideful for that. So, he's content from watching the sidelines.

Little do you know, he's celebrating those little moments. Behind your back, obviously. He's proud of you. But still too prideful to show that in public. However, he voices this to you. He tells you how proud of you he is when he knows he can have a private word with you.

© freyito, 2023 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[honeytonedhottie]

disconnect and heal⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🌙

this post is simply to help u ground urself and it serves as a reminder to just take a deep breath to stay focused and trust the process. remember to fill your cup more often and pour into yourself.

BE CONSCIOUS - take a deep breath and just be conscious of what u feel and who u are. practicing awareness and consciousness helps to ground u. imagine that ur seeing things thru ur eyes for the very first time if that helps. pay closer attention to the little things about urself/how u feel/and what seems to be a constant in ur life. bcuz the things that are most constant in our lives, are the ones that go the most unnoticed or taken for granted.

DISCONNECT FROM SOCIAL MEDIA - take. a. break. i promise u it's so good for you. if u dont wanna take a full on break from social media at least implement time limits. bcuz when ur doomscrolling ur flooding ur brain with dopamine which is super bad for ur mental health and wellbeing in the long run. so just do urself a favor and make sure that ur keeping everything balanced and consuming social media in moderation as with everything else.

REFLECT - how do you feel? reflect on what you did that day. take some time to step back and process everything bcuz u dont always have to put ur feelings on the back burner. make urself a priority. ask urself the tough questions like "am i making decisions that'll put me where i wanna be" or "am i listening to my body?"

TAKE A BREATHER - give urself time to rest and relax. disconnect from things that drain u and connect with things that'll hydrate u instead. drink a cup of water, take a nap, read a book. take time to just sit and meditate on ur thoughts.

INTENTION - this category speaks for itself but just do things intentionally. just slow down and be intentional with what u say, what u think, what u do.

LITTLE BITS OF PROGRESS - when ur disconnecting for a bit and healing, healing is a PROCESS and i think that thats an important thing to remember so keep in mind that (1% is better than 0%) and that ofc ur best isnt gonna look the same every single day so let urself live

[pienhime]

this has been on my mind a while (and i think its one of the main reasons the overseas menhera comm is almost dead) but i think that what is "anti recovery" vs what is "pro recovery" vs what is considered those things on social media are very different.

"pro recovery" isnt "dont talk about the ugly side of your illness, dont vent, dont make art thats graphic, and ur not allowed to just exist unless ur constantly every day making the effort for improvement and trying to prove it thru what u post!! and ofc, dont be negative!! uwu medical motifs ONLY in menhera so you dont romanticize", its "do what you need to do to survive the day. use art to cope with your feelings, talk about it, you are allowed to exist and while getting better is a noble goal, its okay to just survive right now".

"anti recovery" isnt just... having a restrictive ED, a self harm addiction, or using drugs, its not "ugh i feel like giving up", its not making fucked up art or talking with others about the more intense of your issues and posting damage reduction. its not making aesthetic textposts to vent out your feelings and urges so you dont actually do the bad thing. it is not anti-recovery to struggle with those things, but it is ableist to shame people who struggle with them. what IS anti-recovery is actively encouraging others to cut deeper, lash out at their loved ones, sending suibait to people, and peddling the idea that making progress in recovery at all makes you less yourself. its okay to vent ab wanting to do those things and feeling those ways, as long as you arent actually encouraging others to do them. but assuming that every coping mechanism people have thats "problematic" makes them a horrible person is anti recovery as hell. we are mentally ill, of course some of us will cope in ways that arent ideal, but its better than nothing.

yet people in mental health spaces somehow have totally changed the meanings of the terms, just like they have with "glorifying" and "demonizing", so that its harder for those of us who struggle with highly stigmatized things to have a place. it almost feels like these "safe spaces" demonize and stigmatize people with EDs, active self harmers, and drug users & addicts more than the outside world sometimes. we are treated like we are somehow problematic for having those symptoms, and as anti-recovery if we dare to talk about them.

and most of all, if you go into mental illness related tags... dont bitch and moan when u see someone acting mentally ill you fucking weirdo

[kindred-spirit-93]

I KINDA CLEANED MY WINDOWS!!

its probably going to rain and render my efforts useless but idc its been bothering me for so long and today i did the bare minimum and im happy. i used wipes lol i can see dust lines but still. a win is a win

--

kinda going through it. i think its a quarter life crisis lmao (or half whos to say ;)) except its very chill. like milestones and relationships arent bothering me (all in good time im in no rush) and i dont feel like im behind or missing out on anything.

im just existing and trying to make it till graduation yk? im tired

skipped another class today lol (last one no promises tho) to go to the cafeteria again. im allowing myself to compromise bc i really am not feeling great. ofc theres no one but myself to blame for that lol but this aint about her. also social anxiety can go cry in the corner >:)

--

wearing my emotional support turtleneck lmao, ate a bite of yesterdays carrot cake (divine), my beloved honeybee plushie is within arms reach. im trying. and its progress

new year tomorrow so hopefully ill snap into it again and feel better after studying and ticking a few boxes. hopefully.

so many things i want to do. short term and long term. so little time and barakah these days. but we persist.

--

i love my patho prof so much. my uncle taught her during at some point and she worked with another uncle of mine for some time so she knows the family well. shes so wonderful and always keen to learn and help (conflict of interest who? im joking were all very professional which surprisingly is the opposite of the norm here. but thats an essay for another time)

yesterday after class she read and went through the physicians oath (fun fact theres a muslim version! and generally modern versions lol iirc the og hippocratic one was a bit wild) with us and its beautiful. i plan on printing it out and sticking it somewhere i can see.

anyway i think its important to keep the end goal (visibly) in sight bc its easy esp for me to get caught up in the minutiae of the every day and get overwhelmed, so its a good reminder for me to renew my intention every now and again, and to appreciate how far ive come :)

--

dont u hate it when ur upset or angry and then every inanimate object in existence conspires against u. like wtf are u doin. why are u unionising and why tf is it against me??? im on ur side u jerks >:'(

in ther news my baby cousin is the cutest lil man on the planet his shenanigans are always hysterical. yesterday he left all his toys to go play with the aubergines lmao. legos? nah we stacking tuna cans XD

--

my dads meeting a friend today so i asked him over lunch what [friends] phd was about since his bachelors is in arabic. like what research do u do in languages, and he said the master thesis was abt the sentence structure of the nabataean language (aramaic i think) and how it resembles arabic. and if thst isnt the coolest fricking thing idk what is

i love languages so much i really wish i could learn every langauge under the sun and read every book in existence. maybe in heaven lol. anyway i asked him if he could ask him to recommend me a book and he said he will :3

the 2 books i bought last year when we went to turkiye abt the ottoman empire sitting on my shelves collecting dust: this bitch

--

my hands are cold and im getting too lazy to type lol. thank u for reading this far, might post some class doodles today idk (my attention span these days is truly something scandalous)

hope ur all doing well! take care of yo selves, drink water or ill personally hunt u down, and enjoy da fireworks tonight!

"with alarm, your scholar" - kindred