#best decision ive made i think my stuff is so much better than it has been

[website-com]

the next thing i want to concentrate on in my art is space and composition, which is gonna be soooooooo annooyiinggg without a formal education. im gonna have to watch tutorials and stuff uugghh

[eternadreeblissa]

I was in the middle of brainstorming with Madra (nickname i have for @gliphyartfan ) and as I was rambling with her I just had a thought.

How many years would pass before they meet Ava?

Cuz like, if you're gonna look at canon, they're just ACQUAINTANCES so far. They all met slowly by pairs, and as they go along together, they slowly met the rest, until eventually the start of the LU comic finally happens.

But even then, even with the unknown amount of time they all spent with their partners before they met the rest of the group we know them by now, none of them know what had happened to the other during their journeys. I'm talking about very intimate and personal stuff. They could joke some references about it but the full deets? Zipped, locked in a chest buried to the ground 12 feet under.

They're still trying to adjust as they all go on this quest they have. Theyre treading carefully about pasts and secrets and doing their best to be all buddy buddy without risking accidentally setting off sensitive things within the group. Heck, they'd rather not reveal any of them at all.

Why am I mentioning this? Cuz in fanon, we write the chain as if they're very, very close. It's like a lot of time has passed and they all went through a lot of stuff together that theyre all brotherly bonding and everything. Altho ofc this could vary between AUs and stories, the general, majority of what ive seen is that the chain are much closer already than they supposedly are in canon. And this extends to the (yandere) LU x reader community (i think).

I will admit I myself have gotten used to the chain being really close, that theyre like a family and share each other's burdens. So sometimes reading the comic gives me a raincheck cuz theyre still at the acquaintance stages IHSRIUGFRTH That said it's not bad if theyre closer in fanon. I like them when theyre closer. And honestly it's preferrable if they are closer and not acquaintances. Cuz my content will eventually go on some yandere harem themes, one heavily inspired by @gliphyartfan and @yanderelinkeduniverse kind of yandere harem as the chain. Where basically the chain would be united to protect and love darling and put aside their rivalries and whatnot for her sake. If I followed canon and theyre just acquaintances, theyre less likely to eventually unite cuz they dont know these people that well yet, and worse it may destroy any possible future family brotherly bonds they would have. So yeah to make this yandere harem work they gotta at least be closer than canon.

So since I made my decision, it begs the question I just asked earlier, but maybe I should word it better: how much time would have to pass enough for the chain to get close enough before they reach Ava?

It MAYBE would sound like a stretch, but I'm GUESSING it'll be 2-3 or 4-5 years.

Bcs think about it; in canon theyre only acquaintances so far and they JUST learned about Twilight being Wolfie. Legend being a bunny, Four being able to split, those were revealed to only one individual. Theres still secrets not revealed yet and especially big revelations like Sky possibly blaming himself for being the reason the heroes, like him, will be living forever to save Hyrule but suffer a life of loneliness and loss and possibly trauma, or that Time also caused another timeline where he failed to save Hyrule.

Do you think all of the secrets, all of the trenches that every hero has went through, would all of that happen in one year? With how well guarded they are and how theyd rather not talk about their secrets almost forever? No soul to reveal it to?? Well some probs wants to share a lil but the fact of the matter is, is that theyre gonna be vulnerable and theyre gonna open up. But its gonna be a while so really, they cant know each other well enough in one year. In one year, at most, it would be the times during the start of LU Comic and so far and it's not enough I think that they would be sharing burdens and pain and whatnot. Theyre comfy with each other, they cant rlly be that intimate or close about trauma or deep personal secrets just yet. They throw little references of secrets here and there, but the full details are locked in.

So If theyre gonna know each other, like how fanon interprets them in majority of the fanfics, or in the PROCESS of getting to know each other, itll take at least 2-3 years. But it could also possibly more than that. They have a whole package of secrets and things they went through they carry around individually, and there might be some secrets that will never get to be revealed in the end. 2-3 years are the LEAST amount of years that gives them the time to know enough secrets like Legend being a bunny, Sky blaming himself and so on. Not all of the revelations or secrets will be revealed, heck said secrets I used as examples may not BE the kind of secrets that will be revealed during those times or, maybe even AFTER several years have passed they still randomly learn things about the other heroes, but at least in 2-3 years its enough for them to know or have some chunks of ideas of what some or most the rest went through in their adventure. If 2-3 is not enough it could go 4-5 years depending on how much I want to be already revealed KHSIUHKUSUHFK

SO, basically, what's gonna happen is that, the chain will be going for about 2-3 years before they meet Ava. Meaning, they're gonna be aged up.

Which would mean everyone would be in their early twenties or mid twenties, and Wind.. might reach tweens??? I forgot the term IUDHGIUSGHFISF

Hold on lemme do the subject that i dont rlly like: math.

Im just gonna google search their INITIAL ages during the start or end of their adventures: starting of with: Wars!

Wars is 17 in Hyrule warriors, roughly at least.

Now here's the thing: Jojo had a Q&A, and the one of the questions she answered she revealed that there was some time that had passed after their adventure BEFORE they went onto their quest with the rest of the chain. And she said Wars finished his adventure 6-7 years ago. So 17 + 6 or 7, hes about 23 to 24 in canon

Then we add the years in the reboot or Ava's story in LU, AKA: the time he spent w the chain before meeting Ava, which is lets say plus 3: my calcu says he'll be 26 or 27

Twilight is also roughly 17 but finished his adventure 4-5 years ago, so he should be about: 21 or 22 in LU Canon.

Plus 3 in reboot: he'll be 24 or 25

Sky is seemingly the same. Idk if he started 17 and then became 18 at the end of his adventure, but he's basically said to be in similar age to Twilight. He finished his adventure 1-2 years ago, so hes either 18 or 19 Plus 3 reboot: 21 or 22

Wild is... Oh boi: 17. But now 117 technically cuz of the sleep thing. He finished his adventure less than a year ago so nothing's changed. But plus 3 reboot has him in: 120, or 20

And then.. Oh blobs.

Legend is gonna be a HEADACHE 😭😭😭😭

Im gonna make a guesstimate 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Ok so he had about 4 or 5 adventures

A Link to the Past, Oracle of Seasons, Oracle of Ages, KOHOLINT 😭 (Link's Awakening), A link Between Worlds, Idek if I'm gonna include Hytopia

ALTTP def took a year (I heard smth about a year passing when he finished?... Or there was a year break before Leg went off to OOS.) He was 16 or 17 in ALTTP so during that break or right AFTER he finished he would be about 17 or 18 in OOS.

OOS and OOA i'll hc to have taken under one year at most. So he'll be 19 to 20. And then... There was LA, and ALBW, and if were including it, Hytopia too. Those 2 (or 3 w Hytopia), happened within a year from the looks of things. So Leg will be about 20 to 21.

He finished ALL OF THAT, and had a lil mini break from his adventures for about 1 year Jojo said so plus 1 equals to him being 21 to 22 in Canon LU

Plus 3 in the reboot: 24 or 25 🧍‍♀️

And then.. Hyrule, OHSDFH

Help I searched at google and his first adventure it was said he started at 10 years old TT Then he started his 2nd adventure at 16.. Huh he had a long break before he went on a new one.

Rulie finished his adventure 2 years ago so he should be about 18 in LU canon. Then 3 plus reboot: 21

Next is Four. He's ROUGHLY about 12-15 in the start of his adventure, which his first being in Minish Cap. EDIT: In LU Canon, one of the earlier comics of Jojo, Four said he isn't a child. Implying he's of legal age. So he must be AT LEAST 18. For him to reach that age, he has to be 15 in minish Cap, then four swords must take a year, which makes him 16. So that, and then add what Jojo said he had a break after finishing his adventures for 2 years, that will FINALLY make him 18.

Then finally, plus 3 in the reboot: he would be 21 or 22

And lastly Wind: he is one of the only, or the only honestly, to have canonically dropped an age in the comic and I believe he said he was 12 when he set out. In Jojo's Q&A she said he finished his adventure 1 year ago. That means he's 13 in LU canon, and its further solidified when he said to Malon "I'm almost 14." THEN we add 3 in the reboot: he's simply 16 by then.

No we can't do much with Time. Malon was laughing when the guys guessed he was 60 years old. It's gotta be more than that IGSIUDFGISFG Regardless,.. ugh. He finished his adventure PHYSICIALLY 20 years ago, plus 3 in the reboot... there's 23+ years added to his belt.

Be reminded that the sources I got are from google and the people who stated these ages were also guesstimating everything. So you don't have to take these seriously or just take it with a grain of salt. But regardless, I'll be using these ages in Ava's story/ Ava LU Reboot... I might also apply these ages in my other stories Ava has with the chain-

Okay but with all their ages settled (mostly), do you know what all this realization means to me.

...I might be redesigning the chain...

Wish me luck guys. 🥹

[nicosraf]

Hello! Was lucifer written to have BPD ? If so, how were you able to portray it in a way that sheds light on it without misrepresenting? Did you get your information from scientific journals and books, or interview someone that has BPD, or suffer from it yourself? In general, when writing a character with heavy mental illness, how do you go about approaching it?

And if that wasn’t the intention, then maybe I’m reading too much into it haha! Your writing is very thought provoking. Thank you

Very much so yes. Lucifer has some pretty intense BPD akajdas

I hesitate to say it (a little) because I find mental health labels to be a bit weird to use outside of a human context and because the labels themselves are... new and fuzzy. (There's been a bit of discussion about BPD being a trauma disorder, rather than a spontaneous personality disorder, for example.) But when I wrote Lucifer to be mentally ill, I was informed by BPD, most particularly. (Ive seen people read him as autistic and plenty of other things too, and I happily accept those readings also.)

I'll also say that I always wanted Lucifer to be mentally ill for mostly selfish reasons. I'm mentally ill and I enjoy writing characters that are mentally ill. I justify it by thinking of the devil's association with mental illness, but really, I just usually write mental illness. And giving Lucifer BPD, in particular, was not really a conscious decision, at least not initially. He just... was and I liked what it added to his character a lot: I liked the idea of Lucifer having a favorite person, and how God fit into that, how Michael fit into that. I liked that Lucifer had a mental illness with strong stigma attached; it made sense for him thematically. And Lucifer's freak out at the end was very much a BPD split, and I thought it worked very very well (again) thematically and for his character.

I don't have BPD, but my best friend does, and we have a ton of overlapping symptoms so I have strong solidarity with those who have BPD and have written BPD characters a million times before. I wouldn't say I do research beyond just... knowing my BPD friends very well and using our shared symptoms as a way for me to inform how I approach certain things (such as delusions or self destruction).

On your qs about misrepresentation and approaching heavy mental illness... This is hard! I think the risk of misrepresentation never goes away, though I also think "representation" is just not a good word, especially for mental illness, which can vary so much for people. I think the better way to think about representing is to focus on writing a depiction that feels authentic, that feels like it could happen to one person with BPD rather than inventing an all-encompassing experience... And to do this, I think you have to be really empathetic, you have to really understand where these feelings come from and how some of the worst parts of it can be perpetuated and how scary it is for the person suffering.

Approaching heavy mental illness is also hard... I feel like I can talk a lot about the necessity for those with mental illness to perform sanity/normal-headedness. For ex, people with intrusive thoughts usually lie to others about their thoughts because they don't want to scare non mentally ill people.

But, you know what, I had a funny encounter recently with a friend who also has what we dub "scary mental illness" and after downplaying my symptoms, he told me his, and I realized that we suffered similarly and I didn't need to downplay my issues. I could talk about the scary stuff, and he wouldn't get scared.

So what I'm saying is that the "approach" depends on who you're approaching. Are you trying to approach those who want to learn and need to be guided delicately? Or are you trying to approach readers who might be mentally ill and are not afraid of discussing the scary parts? Basically, audience should inform your decisions here 100% i think....

A word of advice is always to let someone with the illness youre writing about read your work, if you're looking for authenticity. Talking to people is always great, and I think more people are way more open to talking about their mental issues than you think.

I hope Ive answered your questions!!! thank u! I hope I make sense.....

[de4dlyniightshade]

heyy :) erm im gonna fangirl really quick and then the request will be at the end incase you wanna skip to that part or anything, lol. okay so this is very much unnecessary and unasked for and blah blah but i don't care! i believe writers need to hear how much we appreciate them and their works because whew mama! ive been trying to write fics for like months and it actually is so horrible. i genuinely start to angrily vibrate bc my thoughts don't flow on the notes app. but i just wanted to say, nightshade, (ehehe that's so cheeky and silly for some reason) that i reallyyy love your work. its actually like horrific how much your writing just makes me so 😜😊🤭 i know you're not like a celebrity or anything, so it's gonna be weird with this like mini parasocial relationship thing, but please know your work has an impact !! a few months ago, i did something extremely bad and out of character while i was spiraling, and i decided that the best decision for me would be to quit using social media. (and beforehand i had quit using tiktok for like 7 months already and i wasn't that addicted to my phone but i still was consuming negative media) so, ofc, i stopped completely for a good month or so and only ever using youtube every now and then. buttttt, one of the first social media platforms i came back to first... was tumblr! it's actually so silly too because i only used tumblr like 4 times beforehand so i was quite new. but anyway anyway (im a yapper UGH) i really found that your posts had made me feel happy :) idk they kinda reminded me of myself before i went big bad that one time and it made me inspired to go back to how i used to be... u get me?? you're writing literally haunts my brain oh my lord it should be illegal to read your stuff because afterwards i literally have this crazy ass urge to read more and more and more. im lowkey an addict cause i be having my deadlynightshade withdrawals. the way you write is just so 😫 gosh, it's beautiful. i also love ur sillyness because like ME TOO. your random little posts are so me coded and i love it. YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😭 uhmm i just wanted to say thanks for being super cool and talented because believe it or not, the stuff you put out makes me really happy! (that was so melodramatic like mf they write about spencer being a pathetic pussy drunk bitch why are you saying it changed ur life?? its true tho.) erm yeah that's the end of that part i just again wanted to thank you 🙏 i wish we were friends SO BAD like you're actually awesome what the fuck.... but like how do u even become friends w ppl?? LMAO ERM ANYWAY 😍 can you write a blurb or h.c or something (honestly anything will make me happy) about valentine's day?? 🤭 basically spencer being SO FUCKING SHY because you can't stop touching his hands or hair subtly or like kissing his cheek leaving marks from lipstick or like getting him his favorite snacks/drinks/books/textures/ basically a gift that made u think about him?? ugh or him doing the same with you like him being the best fucking nerd boy ever and spoiling you so much like he goes ape shit spending well over his funds limit but it's worth it because it's you? or like sweet soft cutie pie sex? at the end of the day and he's like... Erm.. Pussy for 1 please! you were so pretty today... You always are-! (I'm mentally ill and writing this at 8:37 pm on a thursday night.)

this is. the sweetest shit anyone has ever said to me i actually cried ngl to you.

i'm genuinely so thankful for the little community i have created here i never expected such an insane amount of positivity and love from people just for the whack ass shit i write but that's probably just my perpetual self hatred and disbelief that people enjoy anything about me🤞

i think it's crazy how people on the internet who have never met me, don't know me, what i look like, or anything can treat me better than any of my friends have and i'll always be thankful for that.

ALSO! i love being called funny pls kiss me i never think i'm actually funny istg

i was also planning on writing a valentines fic ALREADY but this made me wanna write it even more as a thank you for this message it genuinely made my week(can't promise it ON TIME for valentines but i can try!)

i'm also so glad that my work and blog makes you happy, there's no privilege greater than making someone smile even when they don't feel like it</3

[kuunibal]

Maybe u could try to replace your reason for living from 'her' to something simple & noble. When I lost this guy, living w/o the thought of having him in my future was v tough, so I diverted my focus on other ppl/helping ppl/making my family proud. Idk but I think to live for 'yourself'/ keeping the drive as your own self for living seems smth like.. Well, smth at least I wouldn't be able to do. Idky but it just seems too selfish/unreliable since we ourselves are supposed to be like the handlers/caretakers of our own selves in this world that keeps on attacking us w one expectation or the other. If u think this applies to you too, then u could try this instead. Keep your own self completely out of the equation unless u wanna have a revenge bod or smth.. Idky but whenever I see ppl (mostly the ones of our gen) whose sole focus is themselves, they seem unnecessarily unhappy and struggling. Are going above n beyond to prove themselves to the world, when they could just keep their jobs/appearances/etc. As smth completely external (not a part of them) n instead focus on how much they can simply give to this world. Like I, since Ive been a pretty much of an idiot with most of my decisions, can listen to ppl without judgement n can sympathise with them well.. They just feel comfortable around me so I also try to be an easy person around em instead of putting myself on a standard. I think whenever u feel worthless, u should try n be simply grateful for whatever u r, how much investment have been made to u (if u wanna be logical) n ultimately try n give the world back in whatever ways u could.. Like for eg, if you're a caretaker, be even more better. Take the focus off from u n your own problems, and think of how much blessed u r in a position to help those in need n find worth thru that help. There are some not so fortunate domestic workers, construction workers, sooo many people, whose shoes if I wear, I'd instantly feel this huge struggle for life n would wanna instantly wanna give up. Yet they accept their lives n always show up to their work which is surrounded by ppl w huge TVs, comforting rooms n whatnot. Now these are the ppl who know v well that comparisons w others/expectations with their own selves is smth which will bring unnecessary self-loathing only. So they just try to make the best of the lives they've been given. But most importantly, they still provide w whatever they got. It's just all about perspective n how you choose to view menial stuff.. You just have to realise the world is bigger than you, certainly much bigger than your darling!!.. Now I tbh do know how to live with being told that from my person😅(we have a history so that day, my long-awaited interaction w him was a bit problematic from my side) which made him ultimately say that. It hurt me, but didn't break me. Or reduced my worth (though atm I was questioning it a lot😅lol). I don't think there's anything more comforting u could say in addition to what u already said - v. helpful!! to make that better🤗I think it just has to pass🤔 u don't have to answer that "how to live with it" part😊 it doesn't affect much now tbh. (also⬆️ is just my way, works for me, doesn't have to 'right', may/may not be helpful to u)

I am glad you are doing better than before, you are a very strong person. :)

That is good advice, it is difficult to live for yourself and helping others is a noble cause. And you are right about perspective playing a large role in You have a lot of empathy and understanding for other people.

In my case, I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and help others to the point of neglecting my own wants, needs, and boundaries. I guess when I say that I want to live for myself, I mean that I want to advocate for myself more instead of living and basing my entire self-worth on how much I can give (to my darling, parents, etc.). I don't want to completely depend on other people to feel happy, if that makes sense.

[aamethyst000]

Another Late night May 5,24 - 3:07am

Even when i take my meds, i cant seem to sleep. so i think i may need those melatonin stuff, i think ill take them in gummy form. now that i have emulators downloaded, i think that is what ill use up my time for. Especially if i cant sleep. Change of subject, since i havent worked for a whole ass year now, i am just going to start looking for a job. at least, what i can do here in this small(ish) village (i say "ish" because, as ive been told on may occasions, we arent exactly "small" we have about 4200 and more while the other villages has way less than that). there isnt much to do, and i want to save up money to move and possibly visit my older brother who lives down south. since ive been planning this for years, i have been getting better at saving up my money. so far, the method i have been using is working now. i got less than i have hoped but it is way better than nothing (i definitely would have cried about having no savings). im just so worried about never having enough. since prices have gone up, it has been making me very hesitant about moving anywhere. owning is too expensive, renting is way out of my limit, even with one other roommate. it got to the point where i added another person to my personal plan to move down south. I dont mind it, since its my best friend. but i also have plans to move in with my brother too. whoc was my original plan; find an appartment and move in with him.

then, after my little brother graduates, he and i can save up and have him move in with us! i want that more than anything. Before this whole ordeal. i wanted to move in with my 2(two) childhood best friends. then shit happens in our own life, individually that is, like, it got so bad that we drifted apart and it is not even our own fault (or am i just making an excuse for us?). It sucks, but what can i do? one lives in the same village as i do and i hardly go to see her, the other lives in town and she, herself, doesnt go see anyone othere than her immediate family. shit got crazy during our teen years man, it isnt even funny.

anyway, i figured, since i cant fall asleep, il just use this time to rant/vent about whatever was on my mind. and it seems to be on the past, im trying to let that go but i cant, or rather, i dont want to. cause as much as i hated being that young and naive, and those shit happening to us and around us. there were good moments that over ride the bad in my life, and i am desperately clinging on to that hope and happiness i had before turning 13-14. and that is way too young to be left undiagnosed and depressed.

but who would believe a teenager actually being depressed? we were "attention seekers" and "trend follower" (to be very fair though, i really did try to follow a lot of trends in my life) there was even a moment where i went to this little convention event thingy that was going on in my village, and it was about suicide prevention. so, i decided to go, because if i wasnt going to get help from my own family, i may as well get it from somewhere else (i really was trying so hard to activly not look for bad habits to start on, one of them was already developing without me knowing or realizing...so). when i got there, and we got into a circle to introducing ourselves, open up and talk. the instructor said to talk about why some of us choose to go to that event, so when it was my turn. i talked about how i--

((((by the way, very strong TRIGGER WARNING!!!! talks about suicide attempt and possible eating disorder))))

--was feeling so alone and just so very lost and caged up because of my ex boyfriend, i sat there on my bed with scissors i grabbed from the kitchen and just stared at my arm. i didnt message anyone, or even write a letter. i just wanted out. i opened the scissors enough to make it easy to hurt myself, that part alone i was trying to figure out how i should do it. that thought did scare me at the time but it does now, holy shit. anyway, i made the decision and then, like a movie theatre, memories of both my brothers played in my head, their smiles and laughter loud and clear for me. like someone was there just waiting for the right moment to show me them, who ever they were, im glad and thankful. because at the very lowest moment of my life, i was already struggling with my eating habits. there was no inbetween for me. i either ate a lot, enough to be "teased" about looking or "being preggo" which is sick by the way when your teasing a literal MINOR (12 through 17) about being pregnant. like, why would you even do that? anyway, it wasnt my family that unintentionally helped me develop those bad eating habits. it was my friends and me comparing myself to every girl and characters out there.

i didnt care that it was a bad thing to get into at the time, to me, i was surrounded by girls that were skinnier than me, or, who i thought were skinnier than me. ive seen photos that my family and friends took of me, i cannot believe that i ever thought i was ever fat, ever, but i guess thats what low self esteem and bad comparisons does to you. i mustve been looking through foggy mirrors how dysphoric(???) i fucking felt. it was so bad that most days i choose to either have one meal or throw that plate away in my own garbage bag and just have a toast for my first "meal". i didnt care about the calories i was eating up, or lack therof, like raw ichiban, dry cereal, or just popcorn, and on "good days" i let myself have pop and chips with my first meal which is usually dinner time. it made a bigger effect on me when my little brothers dad decided to act like a total bitch and not get any proper groceries and just get chicken nuggets, ichiban, cereal, hot dogs, milk, and rice.

so, i forgot to mention, but i was 16 when all of this was overwhelming me and when i nearly took my own life. i didnt tell this story as detailed as i did while in the circle, but as soon as i finished, feeling (while it was very short lived) lighter after i told my reasoning, you know what i heard? on my right, this elder lady: *snickers* "im sorry, i didnt mean to laugh, but i think that was cute. that was all?" i didnt hear the rest because i was ready to cry again. how can you say that? i shut down for the rest of my time there. i dont remember how long that event went, but i knew from there on, not to ever open up here in the village. ever. mind you, there were other servivors who talked about their own stories in their own ways but why was i laughed at? How in the ever loving fuck is what i almost did "cute"? how was my story not made a big deal just like the others? i wish i knew but that fucking hurt like hell.

((((END of TRIGGER WARNING))))

wow. i did not think that this would be a big post (journal entry) but here we are. im not going to lie, im still feeling iffy about posting this. or if i want to delete that whole section and just say " id rather not go into detail about my...." idk what else to call it other than my lowest point. i dont know what else to write about so i am going to get ready for bed and see if i can fall asleep after having a toke. cause right now, it is currently 4:16am and i want to get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight, or at least try to. hopefully i feel better after writing this out and sleeping on this. we shall see tomorrow.

good night.

[mejomonster]

Im gonna finish this in 2 days who knows how. Then my reward will be reading Can Ci Pin or Sha Po Lang (or both) for a week or two straight. (And maybe my also book Weird Tales of Vampires).

Fun facts: 1. I read like half a million words over the past week (absolutely lost myself in fanfic, prior week I read like 300k words).

2. I wrote 15k words in the past week and, barring sudden hyperfocus, I'm slated to finish this novel draft either by January 15 (at 2k words a day and 60k finished words) or by the end of january (if the novel gets longer than I intend and therefore requires more words from me ToT). Because I'm averaging about 2k words a day. Although I know if I hyperfocus Im capable of 8-10k words a day and you know thats like roughly 140k words in 2 weeks (aka thats how I finished writing half of what makes monsters stop devouring in 2 weeks somehow). O can occasionally do 15k words in a day but thats... thats pushing it. That usually burns me out so no more writing for weeks. But like. It is marginally possible. I crank out 30k words in the next 48 hours and either finish my novel draft or get damn close. Whats more likely... is i get to 50k words somehow in 48 hours and then horrifically discover the novel's going to need 90-100k words for the plot. Which would happen, knowing me -.- Then again, it's more likely I only crank out 8-10k words in the next 48 hours. Which is still hefty and will put me at 40k total words complete. But would only be half of the plot to 3/4, which means yeah I'm probably hitting the end of the draft in a couple more weeks of 2k ish words a day on average. Not bad, given its only a little past my self imposed deadline. Irritated though that I could not get motivated until staring down ny timeline's end (in my defense, the indulgent break to just read whatever nonstop felt good to my brain and did shake off the writer's block by reaffirming what I like about my own writing, dislike about some other writing styles, and what I aspire to). Anyway... all that to say I'd bet there's still like a 5% chance I crank out the full rest of the draft in 48 hours somehow then my brain feels fried and I dont touch it to edit for at least 2 weeks ToT (its unlikely... but it is remotely possible). In retrospect I wish I could read Saye faster than my glacial chinese reading speed, because I think it's plot and style in particular would help me with contemplating writing issue decisions.

3. Reading so much stuff in a short period kind of made me realize... well first of all, I'm for the most part going to write worse than I hoped I would but better than I feared. For all that my writing often doesn't hit my expectations, it still has a lot in it that I personally love and it irritates me when it's absent in other stories (reading fucking like 30 fanfics this week made me realize I have no patience for flat characterization, for too general plots, for certain writing styles, for plots that lean too much in one genre without playfully utilizing more at least once in a while, and I'm drawn to stuff with strong character pov voices and thoughts and attitudes you feel when you read, with movie like scenes, with playing around with what's real or a thought, with ridiculousness sprinkled in serious matter so its not always epic stakes or heavy). Like... yeah maybe I can't think of the perfect words I want to use, but I can remember plot threads very well and thread them into minor details. I plan my stories out, which is more than some authors I admire do (and is probably why Ive got the flexibility to foreshadow so much the way I like to). I may not always pick the best presentation of a scene compared to what I desire in retrospect, but I make characters you feel and see from inside which I do love and prefer to read. Like... I'm not going to be as bad as I fear, but I also gotta just accept that if I come up with something else I prefer later... I can always write a story again. But in the meantime, as the meme I saved says: write it badly, but write it. Because it doesn't exist until its written down, putting it out there is the hardest initial hurdle. Once thats done, at least it exists in some form. At least a real thing cqn be edited, or even rethought and rewritten. But critiquing an idea, a theoretical way of writing when its not even actually written down? Thats just procrastination at a certain point...

[calebwittebane]

bit of manic rambling ahead, sorry, but these Are things that have been on my mind for a while, so. warning for mentions of pet illness and so on

after gaia's checkup at the end of the month im thinking about taking her to my maternal gradmas place thats in the countryside, so she can catch some sunlight and look at bugs and sniff the air and listen to birds. amity unfortunately would have to stay behind, but she already rly likes hanging out with one of my flatmates whos fine with catsitting her, plus i guess i should start getting her used to not having an older sister around anymore.... anyway i do worry about causing gaia stress with the journey so i haven't made a decision yet but while shes an extremely indoors cat she does love to sunbathe and to sniff the air and shes very happy when i let her sit on the windowsill when the windows open. so i think sitting on the porch there or laying on a blanket on the grass could make her very happy. i did take her there a couple times years ago and while at first she was scared she did like it overall. ive already been sacrificing some of my tshirts so she could make a nest to sleep in, but im thinking of buying a sports bag or a backpack specifically so she can lay on it lmao, she loves those better than any kinda bed or pillow. i did use to have a sports bag she loved but unfortunately she peed on it at some point (she was mad at me cuz i had gone away for the weekend and she peed on my bag out of frustration) and it was never able to recover despite multiple washes so i had to throw it away. anyway. she might like the old garden swing too, shes a cat that likes to stim (like sitting on my lap when im bouncing my leg, she loves to bounce) so this could be very relaxing for her. or i could even set up the hammock if i can find it in the shed? the kind thats made of rope net, that you hang between two trees and lay down a sleeping bag in--also known as The Best Kind. it has been A While so it might no longer be there, but if it is, i think she'd love it

i dont know, i havent made a decision yet, a lot depends on what the vet says, especially if hes able to assess how much time she has left. but i just want her to have a fun time. i want her to be able to do things she likes. i wanna spend lots and lots of time with her.

and i could get some supplies and, while there, try my hand at clay pottery. i think its rly awesome that its super cheap if you know what youre doing. sure you can buy clay but you can also just find deposits of dirt thats rich in clay, strain the bigger chunks and impurities out, add some sand or ash as temper so it doesnt crack when firing, and youre good to go. you dont need any fancy tools to make stuff. some small knives and a spoon and a smooth stone and a bowl to use as sort of a puki. you can make a working kiln out of some bricks and rocks and brisket. you can use linseed oil to seal the bowls and cups so you can actually use them, you dont have to glaze them. i suspect that the first several attempts would be very clumsy and possibly complete failures, but figuring things out for yourself based on what you know is part of the process, isnt it. or maybe i turn out to just be kinda bad at it, but that's okay too. i dont know. i wanna make something with my hands. its been a while since i last made something with my hands. if they turn out nice, i could give them away as gifts. id like that.

think i wanna get into pottery. earthenware

[snifflesthemouse]

So now we know what happened... re the Trip to the Hague, the informal stop in to the Queen.

TLDR: Harry needed to ensure his cash cow, so he wanted to try and woo his Gan gan into letting him monetize their relationship.

In other words, Harry literally waited last minute to try to force his way into the balcony shots. He waited last minute so that they had less time to premeditate their strategy.

You see, the more time you give a target or mark to think, the less time you have to con them or get what you want from them. Had he asked Granny months ago, taking the long con, it would've faired out much better. The Queen refusing them, forcing them to see his father and Camilla first, and refusing them the balcony, essentially ended the dance.

She ensured her links to them were no longer worth exploring. She showed him, in one simple word, that she would not participate in being conned. That is the only way to ever win against a con artist, btw.

The only real way to get away from a con is to name the con and then refuse it. Con artists will not waste time on people they cannot influence.

Which could explain, as well, why the Queen will become a bigger liability to the couple. Before she was their only golden ticket link. She has removed herself from that now. She has drawn the line, and they showed us all they won't cross it.

You know how this author knows they will not cross the line with the Queen?

Because they waited until AFTER the celebrations to drop those Lili pictures.

SO, this author was wrong about Harry being summoned. The Queen agreed to that meeting. And she swerved so hard on their intentions, they never got to even really ask her in person regarding the balcony until the weekend of the celebrations.

When Harry lied to his grandma and tricked her into thinking the meeting was an olive branch, the Queen knew better. She's older and wiser than all of us together. She was able to see objectively for what they were; needing her for their own benefit. She's no green tree. She is a solid live oak.

That "No" must be why they left early then. Why stay if there is no benefit?

ALWAYS REMEMBER A CON ARTIST WILL GIVE NO MORE TIME TO SOMETHING THAN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

Who was it who said "if you can't give it five years, don't give it five minutes"? How funny...

Con artists see time as more precious than anything. Time is literally money. If the Queen was giving them nothing they wanted, and they could only benefit from going nuclear, the next best option is move on.

Think about it. We've all known that one person who will pressure us into something, but as soon as we clearly say "NO" they immediately move on.

They literally made a decision in their minds when they were in the UK that they were better off going home instead of being unseen. Why?

BECAUSE LEAVING EARLY IMPLIES THE RIFT IS WIDENING. It's a dog whistle. It's saying, pay attention because here it comes!

They make money off of this now. This is their bread and butter. This is their reality TV paycheck. But instead of a weekly episode where we hash out the past seven days, we are getting a slow-drip IV bag on repeat. They're trying to tell us the good stuff is coming any minute, but we all know that it's just saline in the bag again.

My point is this... I was wrong about them being summoned. She didn't have to summon anyone, as they were thirsty enough to be knocking the door down.

The Queen is a master at allowing people to talk or turn themselves inside out. She's been running with every world leader since WWII. This is why she doesn't acknowledge their banter or the public's outcries. She knows how this goes. She will always be Queen, and they will always be quitters.

She's been trying to tell us all for the last several years now how she would prefer the world to treat H and M... The same way she treats them. She'll wave to them from the castle windows as they drive off in a Range Rover, but she won't rub elbows with them on the balcony.

The Queen told the whole world that Megs and Haz weren't Balcony people anymore with one word.

She showed the whole world they were second-row royalty with one seating chart.

Tom, I can't wait to read your book!

Link for the above screenshots:

[yoshkeii]

"𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst (to fluff)

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested: yes, as a continuation of  "𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍.”

⌦ male!reader (he/him)

⌦ mentions ; cheating (atsumu’s), angst to fluff (sakusa)

⌦ they all have different scenarios, so its best to check out the first post for a little more context.

A/N: never expected to make a part two, but i guess the feedback said otherwise. its been awhile since ive written anything, so i may be rusty, disregard mistakes too please-

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴 ; this is queued. i am still on my hiatus.

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ ever since the argument, you had left. taking majority of what was yours and what you could in the quickest of matters. you and Daishou barely talked or interact within those days. often dead silence within the shared home... or rather what was shared.

→ it was quite suffocating as well, leaving each other after a long relationship you both committed to. but you had a gut feeling it would end unfortunately.

→ Daishou had seen you leave for the last time past the front door. only exchanging a blunt “bye.” before disappearing behind the solid door. he really hoped this was all lies and games, but it wasn’t. he knew this was real, he knew this will be his reality. without you. the fading steps signaled that you were not gonna look back.

→ since then, he hasn’t heard of you since. he hasn’t seen your name around social media and only the bittersweet memories of when his friends would bring you up came into mind.

→ but it was like, you erased him from your world. and yet Daishou still held tight of the cut thread that lead to you. the other end laying flat onto the floor as the other end you had, disappeared as a whole. a huge gap between you both.

→ him being in denial, he kept mainly to himself. 

→ the old shared space felt empty. drastically different every time he would come home. he would hear your welcoming voice that made his whole body so warm and fuzzy, but now, the silence was painful and cold as he stepped inside his so called ‘home’. he didn’t know why...

→ but he really wanted you back. he wanted to see your face no matter when he came home. he missed your whole presence. he yearned for something that he could’ve kept if he would just shut up.

→ Daishou didn’t expect to see you here. at the same party he would be invited to, he watched you from the second floor that had the view of the merged rooms of the living room and kitchen. seeing you laugh and smile with two other friends who you stumbled upon, the sight made his heart sting.

→ a sharp stab straight through his chest, only thinking if he could be the reason for that smile. that laughter. oh he envied it.

→ he tried to avert his thoughts away before he heard some whistles and calling of names, to see your figure slip away with someone else from the crowd.

→ watching you both from his higher position, he noticed your hands intertwined with the other. his own hand slightly clenching the daring drink he held, the other grasping the rail tighter the longer he watched.

→ Daishou’s eyes soon looked up at your face. the expression you had made him feel conflicted.

→ the wide pure smile you had accompanied with the deep flush, made him feel that oh so familiar feeling. but knowing he wasn’t the cause of it pained him.

→ although, seeing you with someone deserving made him feel at ease. but the stabbing dagger in his heart laid there still, only reminding him that he could’ve been that better person.

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ after the confrontation, you and Atsumu had split ways of course. it was difficult to move on and realize the situation at hand, to the both of you.

→ seeing where your stuff would be gone in the shared space made it surprisingly empty and less... alive. the whole place felt dead and empty, like a home left abruptly without an obvious reason of why.

→ but Atsumu knew why, and it began to nag at him. it made him feel so guilty to do that to you. to him, you were so pure, kind, and oh so nice. he could go on about your looks too, he really could. but every thought of you made his mind so hazy and clouded with distraught. 

→ why did he cheat? you were loyal to him- if only he could be too.

→ its been a couple years since then, it was tough for Atsumu. he had cut ties for who he was cheating with, regretting what he did and in hopes to regain you back before- didn’t obviously work. so now he stayed alone in the home that practically mocked him of his decision. 

→ he was quite surprised Atsumu wasn’t blocked by you throughout social media etc. but he didn’t dare to strike a conversation and laid idle as he saw you occasionally appear on his feed. 

→ seeing you mention being in relationship but only giving vague hints and images, truly never revealing who to your followers. 

→ sighing as he slipped his phone into his pocket, he didn’t want to think about it all, so he decided to pay a visit to Osamu at his restaurant. to his twin’s dismay.

→ arriving there fairly quickly he waved at his brother who was behind the counter cleaning up for the night, seeing his twin wave back slightly before continuing on whatever he was doing.

→ Atsumu couldn’t help but noticed the metallic object that wrapped around Osamu’s ring finger. 

→ “..’Samu? What’s on yer’ hand?”

→ “Oh- ya noticed already. I got engaged not so long ago, or recently.”

→ curiosity jabbing at the blonde made him eagerly question again.

→ “I- What?? By who!? ‘Samu ya didn’t even tell me you were in a relationship!” Atsumu could only just whine, knowing his brother didn’t share with him about his personal life after highschool. 

→ “Shut up ‘Tsumu.. Don’t be so loud in my restaurant or I’ll kick yer ass out of here!”

→ “..but do you still wanna know?”

→ Osamu seeing his twin nod with anticipation made him sigh, knowing this wouldn’t end too well. “Well.. me and [Name] are getting married. Just got engaged with him two days ago.”

→ “..[Name]..?” Atsumu could only repeat the familiar name, his voice faint but still audible to his brother’s ears.

→ he couldn’t believe it. his brother... and.. 

→ “W-well-! That’s.. nice for both of ya, haha..” the blonde tried to played off, hoping that the wavering of his voice didn’t catch his attention but, Osamu already knew, simply playing along as the conversation continued and slowly shifted off to something else.

→ Atsumu had left the place rather quickly than he originally intended to stay- but he didn’t expect it. he didn’t expect you being engaged with his twin, eventually knowing you’ll see each other soon.

→ he didn’t know how to feel about this. he was happy for both of you- but- he wasn’t over you. although it has been more than two years, he wasn’t. he missed you, he yearned to see you again. he wanted to hear your laughter and giggles, your voice overall. he wanted to see you smile, he wanted to see your handsome face. 

→  he wanted... you back. but he knows he can’t have you. not anymore.

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ when you left passed the front door, you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. and it was.. raining. pretty badly.

→ having worry built up in his stomach that soon turned into a mixture of anxiety made him feel uneasy, overthinking the situation and words he said to you earlier made him choke on his actions. 

→ snapping out of the trance, he rushed to go grab a coat to slip on. retrieving his phone. hurrying out the front door hoping to find you haven’t gotten too far already, almost slipping down some steps of the apartment building on the way to find you.

→ the rushing anxiety continue to flow through him, making his movements more loose and clumsy as he ran off to find you. calling out your name aimlessly of the darkened rainy streets. not caring that his curls were getting soaked in the pounding rain, he just wanted to find you. 

→ to find you and keep you safe.

→ Sakusa’s heart kept increasing every moment he didn’t see you. he wanted to find you so bad- this anxiety he had was much worse than when around he was in crowds, this one felt more instinctual.

→ forgetting he had brought his phone, he slipped it out of his pocket quickly dialing and calling you. to find you answering on the second ring.

→ “..h-hello-?”

→ “[Name]..! T-thank god your safe.”

→ the slight mess-up Sakusa slurred with his words made you feel slightly worried, “..yes I am safe. what’s up with you??”

→ “Nothing..! But w-where are you?”

→ “I’m.. at a nearby cafe. Are you sure you-”

→ your boyfriend interrupted you quickly, “I’m on my way.”

→ “H-hey..! Don’t just-”, hearing the call end with singular beep, “aaaand.. he hung up..” you decided to look around from your position outside, grasping your phone nervously. realizing the rain was pounding down much harder than earlier.

→ the sound of the familiar voice calling your name from the distance caught your attention, gazing over to see Sakusa running over towards you. 

→ “S-saku-”

→ jumping lightly at the sudden hug he enveloped you, muttering soft rushed apologies over and over again as he hid his drenched face in the crook of your neck. he had continued his rambles of apologies as you hugged him back, rubbing his back lightly. watching the ravened hair male let it out a little longer before you could mutter reassuring words to him back.

→ the tension slowly rising from his muscles but the hold of his hug didn’t falter at all, only continuing to snake around your waist.

→ “..you scared me..” “...im really sorry, babe.”

→ you lifted your gaze to meet Sakusa’s, lifting your hands up to cup his face. brushing a few strands of hair away from his view sending a quick peck onto his lips. “you don’t need to apologize anymore Omi. you did enough already..”

→ “A-and you’re drenched! Baby, you’re gonna get sick-” you blinked, noticing how flat his hair was from the rain that couldn’t reach you both from the small roof over the entrance of the cafe. 

→ “..i-i’ll be fine..” the soft stutter Sakusa made noted he was embarrassed about the thought, “..i’m glad your the one not gonna be sick though.” he muttered before softly pecking your lips.

→ “Honey..” you sighed, taking your hands in his before heading inside the building. “..lets just get something to drink to warm us up, ‘kay? then we can head back.”

→ “I-m.. paying aren’t I-..”

→ “Yes. Yes you are. A treat after a bad tiring day!”

→ “..you just want sweets-”

→ “Shut it Kiyoomi.”

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 3

I didn’t mean for this to stray into angst but like the lack of updates with Li Cu in LTR?? I had to do it to em.

Wushanju Crew Chat, 11:05pm

Li Cu: what’s up losers I’m outside

Li Cu: someone come on and open the damn door

Wang Meng: Language:(

Li Cu: fine, someone come on and open the damn door please

Snake Eyes Chat, 7:00am

Wu Xie: hey are you awake? Sorry I missed you coming in:) was finishing up some work. How was the end of your first semester? Did that geology paper go well? Did the food budget work out or do you need some extra money next semester?

Li Cu: yeah about your work

Li Cu: heard a little rumor

Li Cu: about you going through some stuff during ur recent trip

Li Cu: some stuff you maybe forgot to mention

Li Cu: and you told me we gotta check in with stuff, so this is me checking in, okay

Wu Xie: oh? What stuff?

Li Cu: idk just like

Li Cu: THE STUFF WITH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DYING FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND THE WAREHOUSE SHIT AND ERJING AND PEOPLE HURT YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNDER CITY AND NOONE FUCKING CALLED ME ABT THOSE PARTS ONCE

Wu Xie: oh. That stuff.

Li Cu: yeah asshat I’m in the kitchen whenever you’re ready to explain your fucking bullshit. Also you’re out of milk wtf how am I supposed to make breakfast here

Main Chat, 11:14am

Wu Xie: okay so it’s possible I fucked up a little bit.

Wang Pangzi: THERES JUST SO MUCH YOU COULD BE REFERRING TO I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START

Zhang Qiling: What’s wrong?

Honorary Wu Chat, 11:30am

Wang Pangzi: KID IM SO SORRY THAT PUNK IS A TRAINWRECK BUT YOU KNEW THAT

Wang Meng: Welcome home, Li Cu <3 not much has changed, ultimately.

Wang Pangzi: IT DIDNT EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT HE WOULDNT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT ONCE THE REST OF US FIGURED IT OUT

WAIT HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

Li Cu: it’s okay. not your fault, uncle. Doesn’t matter how I found out. Wait wait hold on what do you mean “the rest of us figured it out” who figured it out

Wang Pangzi: SAY HELLO LIU SANG

Liu Sang: …hello.

Wang Pangzi: SAY MORE THAN THAT.

Liu Sang: uh…so you’re Wu Xie’s protégé, huh?

Li Cu: oh well howdy there homewrecker

Liu Sang: Excuse me??

Zhang Qiling: I think someone on the roof is calling me and I should go find out.

Wang Meng: I would also very much like to be removed from this conversation.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHAHA KIDDO IVE MISSED YOU

Li Cu: all I’m saying is aren’t you the little creep who’s obsessed with Xiao Ge

Liu Sang: ???

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu is referring to a brief period of irrational thought on Wu Xie’s part, where he mistakenly believed you to be a threat to our relationship.

Liu Sang: what do you mean a threat??

Wang Pangzi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIANZHEN HAD “A BRIEF PERIOD OF IRRATIONAL THOUGHT”

YOUVE MET YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT

Wang Meng: can you please take me off this chat.

Liu Sang: Wait, so Wu Xie told you about me, but…reading between the lines, he didn’t mention the cancer or anything bad that happened? Oh yikes.

Li Cu: don’t change the subject “Liu Sang”

if that is your real name

Like yeah you’re right abt it but still

just saying

heard you got good ears but I’ve got snake powers

kinda

so like no more funny business okay you superhearing harlot

Wang Meng: LANGUAGE, LI CU. IN THIS HOUSE WE SHOW GOOD MANNERS.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO OH DO WE NOW

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu, this is all unnecessary and childish. Please apologize.

Li Cu: you say that now bruh but apparently you weren’t complaining when he was all “idol this” and “idol that”

oh and hey Wang Meng while we’re here can I show you my business class grade report later bc Wu Xie is all “what matters is that you learned and enjoyed the experience” blah blah all eat pray love you know how he gets and I want to actually discuss areas to improve so that when I take over this joint I do better than Wu Xie? Tho that shouldnt be hard lol

Wang Meng: hurtful but accurate. I’ll bring my best red pen:)

Liu Sang: oh my god. I’m too jetlagged to keep up with any of this.

Wang Pangzi: BEST. DAY. EVER. IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR HEI XIAZI.

Not A Homewrecker Chat, 11:52am

Liu Sang: Okay, we started off on the wrong foot.

Li Cu: I agree let’s start over

Start with how your little prank game almost got ppl killed

Liu Sang: And I seriously regret that. But we moved past that.

Wow, he seriously skipped over so much bullshit but didn’t skimp on mine, huh.

Li Cu: AHA so you ADMIT IT

Liu Sang: I’d like to think I’ve grown since then. That I’ve come to see Xiao Ge as a person and mentor, rather than an idol. I count Pangzi and Wu Xie as my close friends. I’m going to be staying here with them right now, I hope you can be okay with that.

Li Cu: see in my head you were going to be a lot less mature about it and I had a bunch of great follow-up insults planned

Liu Sang: I figured. I’d like us to be friends, though. Or at least not enemies.

Li Cu: okay but only bc you don’t know me yet so you won’t judge too much for this and I need to get this out to somebody I’ve been thinking about it for hours and my friends are still in finals and I’m stressing a little bit maybe

Liu Sang: ?

Li Cu: I yelled at dad

*Wu Xie sorry autocorrect

Liu Sang: …uh huh.

Li Cu: I yelled at him earlier. for keeping all that stuff from me. He started crying

Liu Sang: Wu Xie has been pretty emotional since we got back. Not necessarily your fault.

Li Cu: I made him cry right there at the kitchen sink and it felt like maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done

Snake venom and stabbings, no tears

Me saying I wouldn’t have gone to his funeral, all tears

Which I know was shitty to say but I was really mad

Liu Sang: If it’s any consolation, I think Wu Xie can understand the concept of being led by his emotions to make bad decisions…better than most people.

Li Cu: Xiao Ge came in then and looked weird

Like weirder than usual

Like he didn’t know which of us to be more mad at

Liu Sang: A common problem for the iron triangle, I understand.

Li Cu: I just ran out I didn’t have words right then and I feel stupid

but whenever they come back from their walk I’m gonna say sorry and stuff bc i could’ve come home to his funeral and I’m mad about it but also like. I could have come home to his funeral. I can get mean when I’m in a freakout mood. It’s not like I was scared or anything at all I don’t get scared really anymore ever but just like. Freaked out.

Liu Sang: He’s probably going to say sorry, too.

Li Cu: sorry I called you a homewrecker. Didn’t mean to slut-shame either

Liu Sang: I admit that after the initial shock, it was pretty funny. Super hearing harlot, it should be on my business card;)

Li Cu: this situation with Wu Xie is weird but kinda good ya know. And I have these freakouts sometimes that something maybe bad could happen to this situation. So consider this a shovel talk. But like, also not a shovel talk at the same time.

also I appreciate you saving his life and whatnot

Liu Sang: Noted. Now. Coffee?

Li Cu: sounds sick.

Be in the kitchen in 10. You can pick out what we watch for the household tv show tonight. no way is Wu Xie choosing some dry documentary about gravestone rubbings again. Pangzi just watches real housewives reruns and Xiao Ge won’t watch tv after he caught the last half hour of A Walk To Remember. Also i need my phone now to send some $ to Hei Xiazi since I owe him for…providing some intel

Liu Sang: Not even surprised.

[matan4il]

Ive read all ur buddie meta and they are soo on point. I cant thnk u enough.

Anyway, there is something i noticed when watching gifs of Eddie giving advice, or compliments etc in this season is that, Eddie is a man of action (we all know that) yet, with Buck, he gives advice, gives compliments, basically he TALKS to Buck. On the other hand, Buck who is a talker, who doesnt mind speaking his mind and his feelings (tho he hides stuff alot anyway), he gives his support and help by doing stuff for Eddie. I know this is has been mentioned before (idk if it was ur meta or somebody else's)

I cant help but notice that the writers really hone in on that with all the Eddie's talks with Buck and Buck getting Eddie an expensive coffeemaker he wanted as a prank in disguise.

I dont if any of this makes sense but yeah

OMG! ;_; Thank you so much, you have no idea how happy it makes me that my insane ramblings actually bring people joy! *HUGS*

Oh it definitely does make sense. I think in the past, the one bit of meta I wrote that sort of touches upon this is the one about what Eddie has done for Buck.

I believe a key note in what you bring up is the question, when does Eddie turn to words with Buck? For the most part, he does try actions first. If you think of 301, for example, he tries getting Buck out of his funk by doing. By pulling him out of bed, bringing Chris over (reminding Buck he’s not alone and he still has them, that he has meaning in relation to them even when he isn’t a firefighter) and giving Buck a task (a sense of purpose). And it actually works! Buck’s out of bed and he’s having a good time with Chris. Is everything resolved? No. But his time and talk on the pier with Chris in 301 at least suggest that he can start picking up the pieces and move on.

That is, right up until the tsunami hits, when Buck ends up feeling like he’s failed both Eddie and his son. Well, at the end of ep 303, Eddie comes over with basically a rehash of the same idea on how to help Buck (still through action), only this time, Buck speaks up and makes it clear that he can’t, that he feels like he’s failed them, so how can Eddie even consider doing this? And that is when Eddie turns to words.

And I think that’s beautiful, because it is a testament that it’s not easy or the natural course of action for Eddie to use words in order to help Buck. But he does it anyway, when he recognizes actions are simply not enough. He transcends his own comfort zone. That’s not something you do for just anyone and I believe we only really see him do it for Buck and Chris. *heart eyes*

As for Buck, I feel like he’s more of a mixed bag. He’s way more comfortable with using words than Eddie, that’s true, but he also at times has no issue resorting to actions. Think of him doing his best to help Red through two different courses of action (first, to help him find his ex fiancee, and later to bring all his old teammates to him).

So what’s striking to me about Buck isn’t that he resorts to action to help Eddie, it’s the speed, comfort and intensity with which he immerses himself in taking actions to help Eddie (and Chris), stepping into their little bubble with them. With Abby, if you remember, he hesitated about it. A lot. Enough to think about breaking up with her. And when he did finally step up? It was because Bobby told him to. He ended up doing it for Abby, yes, but also for Bobby and for himself, to grow and become the kind of person Bobby deemed ‘worthy’. But with Eddie? He didn’t need to be told and he wasn’t doing it for anyone but Eddie. You can see it even before he’s met Chris once: throughout ep 202 Buck is already preoccupied with how to make Eddie feel better about his son’s well-being during the earthquake. Later on, he’s only going to be thinking even more about these two and how to help them. With Abby, he made a conscious decision to evolve. With Eddie, he was simply so drawn in, he never considered another option.

This right here. This is why these two slay me. Thank you again for this great ask and please always feel free to send me your thoughts! xoxoxox

[vyladromeave]

SHABOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS PLASTERBOATS

This is how Shabowknights work in my brain. It just is. 

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 69k+ words im not kid. ding. i did include a couple poupble to help break up the bup the text. so. good lick.)

BECOMING A SHADOWKNIGHT

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: you gotta feel it. you gotta reel it. you gotta feel it in the heart of the cards. sometimes ur having a rough day and youknow what thats fine. the shadowlord is totally there for you. hes your homie. your bro. your bromie. he can be anything you want him to be. but most importantly he is here for YOU. hes the cool boss. he lets you slack off on fridays, he puts slightly outdated memes in his powerpoint presentations. all for you. you’re welcome.

Now I hear what you’re thinking. What happens when the Shadowlord has a bad day? He can’t always be there for you, right? Wrong. The Shadowlord is on that grind, as the kids say. The grind never stops. no breaks. Stops? no stops. the only thing the Shadowlord is putting a stop to is ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ʀᴜ'ᴀᴜɴ ʀᴇɢɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɢᴇ-ʟᴏʀᴅ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴs ɪᴛ. Hes up all night and all day, working hard for you. give him a big thank you.

Not convinced? here’s a cool diagram he made for you. this could be us. you could be partially dead BUT holding hands with your best bro the Shadowlord. and really, what’s better than that? ghat? yeah? no. nothing. nothing is better. look at this diagram and fucking weep.

•

SHADOWKNIGHTS AND IMMORTALITY

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to giving a shit. they just dont give a shit. they can just sit around for hours not giving a shit. do you give a shit? you shouldnt. you shoulding. houlding. hold mushrrom. thats what you should be doing right now. what are you waiting for? well???????????

If you were a Shadowknight, you could be holding a mushroom right now. That’s right. a whole mushroom just for you. but you arent. so you wont. why not? what’s stopping you? pledging your undying allegiance to the Shadowlord isnt so bad, we promise. it rocks, actually. we have pizza parties at the end of every month. does your employer hold pizza parties at the end of every month? I didn’t fucking think so.

Now I know what you’re thinking. But I dont waaaannnaaa kill the person I love the most! Well guess what? Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life. Which is why you’re lucky that this decision is actually an easy one! I mean think about it, end of the month pizza party, mortal emotional attatchments. attachemnts. atatchments. fuck. however you spell it. Which one sounds cool as hell? Thats right. I don’t even have to say it. you know the answer. you already know the answer. i put it in your breain and it stays there.

•

Your favorite pizza topping.

What do you want on your pizza? I know you’re technically not one of the bros yet, but theres no way you wont be after all this, so I figured I’d go ahead and get your order down. Yeah i know the pizza party is a month away. im not ordering it right now. im ordering it later. that way its still fresh when it shows up. 

Although the delivery times out here in the nether kinda stink if I’m being honest. dont tell the shadowlord I said that though. he puts in a lot of time and effort to making sure everything is cool down here and like, really he doesn’t need to worry about the whole pizza delivery thing. like he already puts in so much time, the least i can do is cover the pizza thing yknow? 

I actually made the pizzas one month. have you ever made hundreds of personal pan custom pepperoni pizzas. its a lot of work. seriously. I kept burning them. so many burnt personal pan piping hot pipper pepper pepperoni personal pan personal pizzas. luckily im immune to fire, and i can never die. if you were one of the bros, you could be too. here’s your pizza.

•

Consuming the Pizza

Go on. eat it. I made it for you. what do you mean when did I have time to make a pizza? just now, while we were talking. didn’t you notice? maybe not. I’m good at making pizzas quickly now. ive had a lot of practice. maybe we could make some personal pan pinni mini pan pepperoni pizzas togethethter sometime.

oh my god. wait. im an idiot. im a fool. i was so focused on making you your personal pan pipini piziza pepperoni peper piza that i didnt even hear what you wanted for your toppings. im so sorry. oh my gosh im so sorry. i really didn’t mean to, i just got caught up in the moment. really. i promise. i know this reflects really badly on the whole shadowknight thing, but i promise this is a rare occasion. really. all the bros here in the nether are really kind and thoughtful, so stuff like this rarely ever happens. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

maybe its better that we dont have personal pipizini personal pan papaza pizzas. im not actually that good at making the pizazis. i lied. im sorry. im so sorry. this doesnt normally happen. i just wanted to sound cool. its been so long since someone’s considered joining the bros, i just wanted you to really like me. im so sorry. oh my god. im so sorry.

•

A Reformed Pizza

The pizza is metaphorical. we’re still friends, right? we’re still bros? future potential bros? the potential kinetic mechanical energy of bros? thats a little science joke for you, whwhwhere i just said the science words. I havent learned about science in a while, ive been stuck down here making personal pan pizzazos for a while. im sorry about the pizza thing again, by the way. i tossed  your bad personal pan pizza in the lava pool over there to make up for how sucks it was. it was really bad. yeah. its probably a good thing that nobody ate it.

A Sturdier Pizza

The pizza is literal. We can make a new pizza. together. with my powers and yours combined. give me your hand. we are holding hands now. these are the hands that will make a new pizza. together. we can do it if we believe. do you believe? in our new world? in our now pizza? you should. you should believe. you better fucking believe it.

look at thsi shit. ohhhhooooooollyf uck. look at that pizza. holy shit. look at that piza. holy shit. balls.

•

Natural Abiblibties

sorry im still jsut thinkginbg aboutt he pizza. homygod. holy shit. did youz seetheat pizza. did you see it. arey you looking. at the pizza. ohmygodc. look at thits. is. its. the pizza. its fucking perfect look at it. ive never made a pizza like that before. we diddit tofgotehr. we did it. the pizza. we did it.

iknow itsnoth the end of the month yet but iwant to have a pizza party. lets do it again. we’re strong enough. we can take on anything tofeger. antyhign. even pizza. especially pizaz. we can. iknow you dont believe it but its strue. lets do it again. lets make a pizza one more time. what dtopping do you want to put on it this time? mushrrom? we can do mushrrom.

here. im handing you a mushrrom. you can put it on the pizza. its a topping. there are many toppings you can put on pizza. you can put on extra cheese too. then iets ecxtra cheesy. cheesy peezy. pizza.

lets do it together.

•

Additional Pizzas

we’ve made so many pizzas. thatslike two whole pizzas. wholy fuck. holy shit. thats twho whole pizzas. bro. thats great! thats amazing! thats two more pizzas than we had before. like seriously we set our mind to the piizza and our brain to the pizza and you smush it and you sus it and then you pizza. woaw! pizza. pizza.

what if we made more pizzas.we could make a pizza for everyone. everyone could knpow of our pizzas. everyone could be just as happy as us. isnt that great? isnt that amazing? we could all pizzas. we could ALL pizzas.

hold on. im calling the bros. they need to know. they need to pizza. ive got two bros right here ready for a pizza. do you think we can do it. thats double the pizza we’ve already made. it could be tough. i know this is a lot of pressure, and it really means a lot to me, but its ok if you want to back down now. pizza is a lot of work. its hard work. i know it is. you know it now too. but we can pizza. we can pizza together.

•

THANK YOU FOR PIZZA!

:) the bros really enjoyed the pizza. thanks for helping me make pizza very appreciate very cool. pizza. im handing you a pizza coupon right now i am folding it into your hand. what store does it go to? dont worry about that. its just a coupon for pizza, you dont have to worry about the specifics. they’ll know what to do with it.

they’ll know.

:)

[florenceisfalling]

HI THIS IS RLY RANDOM BUT ive been thinking about how cool all my mutual's versions of jameson are and i realized i barely know too much about your interpretation?? so if u feel like it could i have some fun facts about ur boy???? like a basic run-down of the jamie in the Florence Lore. if u feel like it of course. i want to learn more about him 🥺

AAAA HELLO! ur version of jameson is way cooler than mine but i'd love to share :3

ok i was just going to do point-by-point fun facts but ended up going into way too much detail. sorry. u do not have to read it all. but more stuff under the cut!!

back in his original era, my jameson had lots of different jobs as a kid. once a paperboy, once a shoe-shiner, once doing deliveries. but what he really wanted was to be an actor!!

as he got older he grew obsessed with theatre, but often only had the opportunity to play brief side characters due to people not taking his disability into consideration. he didn't have as much fun with minor parts like that, so he started working with costumes and music instead. he had an awesome time doing it, learned a lot of skills from it!! once silent films started to grow more popular, he got really excited because it was a format that could easily include him!!!!

he worked with those when he could, and used his costuming skills to become a tailor :3

but that's all of his backstory that didn't... actually... happen. just false memories...

(to those unaware here's a speedrun of one of my big lore points: the egos did not actually exist before anti and jack accidentally created them, but they had full sets of false memories and the universe just kind of bended to jack's will)

as far as what Actually happened: jameson suddenly becomes real and feels like he "snaps out of it" or "wakes up" in fall 2017, roaming the streets of a city he doesn't recognize. full of lots of big scary machines and lights and confusing nonsense. he starts to panic and gets really badly lost and hurt, and someone helps him to a homeless shelter where he stays until jackie finds him.

fast forward! after he gets adjusted to the egos and the new world..

he finds a new job - once again as a tailor! it's a really fancy shop, high quality suits for only the most refined gentlefolk... he loves working there and feeling super fancy, but on his own time he likes wearing real crazy-patterned fluffy sweaters, and button-downs printed with kittens on them, etcetera.

he still does theatre too! more places are willing to find better roles for him these days!

jj loves to cook! he's good at pretty much anything, and his cooking has quickly turned into all the egos' favorite comfort food, but he ESPECIALLY likes to bake. sweet treats all around! he's nearly always got cookies in the kitchen jar. definitely the grandma friend of the group.

he also enjoys piano, and makes guest appearances playing at marvin's shows! he also has played with anti a few times when anti was in a bad mood and needed a way to de-stress without hurting anyone.

speaking of which, out of the egos, jameson is typically the best at talking anti out of making horrible decisions. whereas jackie is too direct, henrik and marvin are too aggressive, and chase is too passive, jameson is really good at reaching out and comforting anti without letting anti walk all over him. he's gentle but he is stubborn and is good at using his kindness as manipulation (though he does his absolute best not to misuse that skill).

he also keeps the other egos in check and makes sure their falling-outs between each other are short-lived. whenever they need someone to talk to for advice, they typically go to jameson. he gives wonderful hugs and he wants the best for them.

he lives in the same flat as jackie and chase, and his decor has sort of spread throughout the whole place- he's made embroidered curtains for the kitchen and bought lots of nice tea sets to use. he's also super sentimental and has pictures of all his friends hanging up everywhereeee. and lots of clocks of course :)

he's aro and gay :3

last but of course not least, he did gain time powers in his creation, and they usually manifest in small ways- glimpses of the future, never showing up late, a knack for nearly-inhuman perfect timing. however, they may manifest in bigger ways. this might not be the first timeline. maybe he tried to save someone. maybe it didn't work. maybe he tried to save someone again. maybe it didn't work. maybe he tried again and again and this is the best he could manage. who knows, though? all hypotheticals. right?

thank u sm for asking and sorry i ranted so much aaaaaaaa thank u thank u

tl;dr: james is from the past, he's an actor and tailor and he loves to bake, play piano, and take care of the boys. he's the grandma friend and he has time powers!!

[creacherkeeper]

AAAAA SAME ANON AND I LOVE UR THOUGHTS ON THIS AU SO MUCH!!!! hskdhdkdbd PLEASE ignore this if u don’t want to talk about this au of course, but honestly i only have more !!!!! about it with every piece of info. like the line about fabian and riz’s jaeger being “unstoppable. almost.” and about how adaine joins the fray specifically bc they’re down and adaine and aelwyn are the only ppl who can fill in their place right now. also how kristen is drift compatible with everyone im!!

NO NO NO IM SO HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!! like pacific rim really blessed us by not only being an AMAZING movie but also the best au fodder of all time??? god pacific rim au my beloved <3

some additional stuff because i cant stop:

i think ayda and adaine are totally drift compatible, but never tested together, as ayda only joined the program to pilot with fig

penelope, dayne, and ragh actually triple piloted until fig signed up. everyone thought it was better to separate penelope and dayne because they were ... not always team players when together. but after it came out everything that had been happening between dayne and ragh, that decision was heavily regretted. ragh got ... a lot of counseling after dayne was kicked out. when he was moved to combat trainer, he got a lot happier and became good friends with tracker, who'd been on base long enough to see everything go down

ayda and aelwyn actually knew each other in undergrad. aelwyn became friends with her mostly for strategic purposes, because she was the daughter of the head of the jaeger program and aelwyn wanted to build jaegers. ayda became friends with her because they were both the youngest in the STEM program and she was desperate for someone she could relate to, at least a little. they got along okay but didn't really keep in touch after graduation. they didn't start getting closer until aelwyn became a pilot, because then they COULD actually relate to each other, as scientists-turned-fighters

ayda still found out she was autistic through jawbone, once she finished school and came to base to study kaiju. she opened up to him about how hard it was to relate to her peers, and he was like kiddo youre probably autistic?? like over half of the scientists here are?? and she was like. OH. after everythings over and fig goes back to being a musician, she donates a lot of her touring profits to autistic-led advocacy groups because like. she's literally felt what it's like to live with an autistic brain, and it makes her the biggest ally of all time (and ayda being a very prominent autistic scientist AND pilot actually does like. SO MUCH for autism acceptance. she frequently gives lectures on fig's touring routes)

after they close the breach, fabian gets into a huge blowout fight with bill. cause bill makes his money by selling kaiju parts, so without the kaiju, he doesn't have a job. and by that point fabian has had enough distance and experience that he's like. i would have died for you but i fucking made a name for myself that was better than anything you've ever tried to do, now i get to live for me. and even though he wasn't expecting it, bill actually completely accepts and supports that

yeah so pok actually died cause he got eaten by a kaiju after drifting with one using the pons system he invented. its extremely difficult to hear but riz is also like. that is the most badass thing ive ever fucking heard oh my god (they name the neuroscience program at riz's college after pok. sklonda starts law school there the year after they close the breach)

kristen literally proposes to tracker the day after they close it, barely conscious, with a giant hole in her chest, from her hospital bed. everyone is like. my dude. tracker thinks its extremely romantic

(they end up adopting a bunch of kids who were orphaned because of kaiju attacks)

gorgug goes to college and becomes a high school social studies teacher. zelda runs a local gym. they have an extremely quiet life and are happy to, most of the time, not be noticed or bothered. every once in a while an extremely nerdy kid will recognize gorgug's PARENTS as jaeger mechanics and completely ignore gorgug and zelda thinks its hilarious

after they close the breach, the abernant parents reach out to BOTH aelwyn and adaine to ask them to come back home to visit and be celebrated. and theyre like. mmmm fuck that actually?? but adaine does have a BIT of an existential crisis cause shes like OKAY WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?? they actually end up getting a little apartment together somewhere and aelwyn pays the bills as an engineer making advanced prosthetics. she encourages adaine to just try out as much as possible, and she takes a ton of classes at the community college, the community center, and at various local businesses. but its actually jawbone who inspires her to go back for another degree and become a psych researcher. she makes waves in the trauma and ptsd field

theyre all pretty happy that kalvaxis, category iv, and nightmare, category v, got blown to hell at the bottom of the ocean

[mc-critical]

I love to boring you but what do you think of Murad IV in MC:Kosem ? I really like him but he seriously need of a therapy with a psy *a great one !* and i don't think he treated Ayse (or Farya !) correctly ! He is trash (more trash than any others characters i think) but i also like her complexity. How do you find him ? Do you think he deserve more recognization like Selim or not at all ?

I don't like him one bit as a person. He's problematic, hypocritical and abusive and his actions go beyond every sort of justification, no matter how much he tries to justify them himself. However, he is interesting and complex as a character and you can still see where he comes from and how do his beliefs unfold. He clearly has a detailed arc; and that arc causes him to be way more paranoid, way more selfish, way more overindulgent, which was to his detriment.

Let's face it: the show portrayed him as a very bad ruler (I spoke about why here) and from what I've read, historically, he isn't any better, either. I don't know what does he deserve to be recognized for, aside from the conquering of Baghdad, which did nothing to absolve his crimes in the show, aside from how well-written he is. Any possible redeeming quality of his is destroyed by all his problematic actions piling in and all we've left is a nuanced exploration of his problematic traits. With MC Selim we have a much more understandable circumstance, the child neglect which explained his drinking and lay low tendencies and why it looked like he didn't care for what the other brothers did. Thing is, Selim arguably wasn't all that problematic at first (the provocations between him and Bayezid were more mutual than anything else) and what really pushed him to "villainy" was the death of Mustafa and Cihangir, the complete destruction of the concept of brotherly love in his head. His redeeming qualities were as balanced as his "villainy" and you see within how human he is and how everyone around him who wasn't Nurbanu did somewhat screw him over from the start. The nuance is on his entire persona, not on his problematic deeds. I do believe that MC Selim's writing should be way more respected, because of all the nuance. I don't think he's fit for a padişah in the show, but he isn't some cardboard cutout who only drinks and schemes. He has actual issues, desires, sensitivity, vulnerability and compassion. Murat is a different kind of a character. He's both a bad ruler and a horrible person, he doesn't really have a transitional point to begin his problematic deeds, since he's like this in the beggining. He has his reasons in his backstory, but they recontextualize his paranoia, not what comes out of this paranoia. His transitional point was more him getting even surer of his beliefs than beggining a path of ruthlessness. Worse, it strips him from any possible scruple he had deep inside and what we would see from this point on is his further moral descent and nothing else. He has two areas of justification: a fragment of his past and the "Shadow of God" mentality that only ring more shallow the further we go. (it's fascinating writing-wise, but that's about it.) With Selim at least we have his motives becoming stronger the more we go and watch him succeed. They're different thematic explorations altogether and one of them isn't much on the sympathetic or deserving of recognition spectrum by design.

What I like the most about Murat's writing is that no matter how strong and dangerous it is, his paranoia comes from a real place. While with Süleiman we only had hints of said paranoia in a few flashbacks, with Murat we had an actually devastating, shown on-screen event that had the harder job of making such sudden by the show change more believable. Murat, for whatever he is, is shown a tiny bit of understanding by the script when there actually are people actively working behind his back. Süleiman assumes he's been betrayed, but since the events that open his paranoia are mostly events molded or completely taken out of context and no one actively works behind his back until much after said paranoia was allowed to occur (even Mustafa's organization worked primarily against Hürrem, not SS, one attempt to kill SS aside, which the object of his paranoia saved him from!!!!) - we, as audience, have no reason to buy it whatsoever, which brought the understanding for SS soo down for me. But Murat's paranoia made him go way out of proportion to the point he went even further than SS by willing to end the whole state so he could be there and rule. And just like SS, his paranoia quickly became all selfish in nature to the point of alienating everyone around him who wants to give him decent advice and thinking himself as right all the time. He wanted to be a lone wolf, driven by toxic masculinity from the start. And him feeling overshadowed by Kösem... no matter how understandable it has the chance to be because of the time period, made him blind and instead of gaining experience in order to rule unscathed and firm, he decided to fixate himself on the past and on his role and possible deep-seated resentment of his mother, he made all the wrong decisions in every aspect of his life.

His anger issues are especially illuminating, since he tends to lash out on the slightest thing gone wrong, to the point of exercising physical violence. His anger probably stemmed from how he could only watch during Osman's death and the subconscious blaming of Kösem because of it, along with Musa's death and them not giving him time to shine, something he thought belonged to him and was his right, but by ruminating on all this, he, once again, focuses on his own feelings and own world, he, once again, reaches devastating extremes. Anyone who ever tries to defy him suffers from this. Anyone who tries to defy him is evaluated by how much he's fitting for his mold, for his world, something far beyond a wish for loyalty.

He didn't love any of his women, IMO. His physical violence and abuse was highlighted by his dynamics with them the most and he always decided on the harshest punishments when it came to them. One might argue that his relationship with Farya played its part in somewhat humanizing Murat and disguising this overally questionable at its impossibly best love story for ratings and stuff, but the more we went, the more abusive it got and Farya could never get over his unpredictable and turbulent nature that strived to strictly control every single thing that was close to him to toxic levels. I won't even begin with how he treated Ayşe, because that was such a trainwreck and she deserved much better than to constantly fear for her life, because this guy could go immediately crazy and kill her and her kids. With Sanavber it was only slight infatuation and that's all for me, because in that point, I doubt this guy was capable of love. One Murat went and there came the other before Sanavber arrived and Murat was on the path to become his cruelest self.

All in all, I don't mind anyone going out there and trying to explore him ( in fact, I would actually love such discussions!), but he's hot trash, he should die in fire along with Süleiman and I'm struggling everyday to declare which one is worse in my book, because they suck the same for me, but in different ways. I appreciate their narrative roles, but otherwise... screw them both.