#and thats GUT wrenching to me i want it so bad

[cutemeat]

@nightcrawlerzincorporated Exactly the point i was making with this post thank u 🥹💛

Season 6 // Season 16

[fagnumopus]

Sigh.

[mermaidfanficlibrary]

the SAGAU if only i could hold you through a screen was great :') would you accept doing a g/n one with the harbingers? if thats too many, maybe just childe and arlecchino if thats ok c:

If only I could hold you through a screen | Harbinger addition!

Characters: Childe, Arlecchino, Dottore, Signora

Summary: Self Aware Harbingers watch you cry, not sure what to do or how to help. All of a sudden you drop the line "I wish you were here with me."

Warnings: Reader is crying, possessive behavior, immense anger, violent thoughts, death, genshin spoilers

A/U: Self aware genshin AU

A/n: Thank you so much anon!! I'm so glad you liked it! SO instead of doing all the harbingers I thought of doing the ones that I have been introduced too through the game! Yes I'm including Signora, so that will be during her battle in that one weekly domain gut wrenching 👍Also sorry if this is OOC

CHILDE

You staring at Childe through the character screen was off-putting enough for him. But then with tears streaming down your face? That was when he became deeply concerned for you. There was this anger bubbling inside him, he wanted to take it out on those that made you cry. He wanted nothing more than to be there with you to comfort you. 

He started to do his idle where his bow shows up, resisting the urge to shoot something around him. You were hyperventilating, the tears overwhelming your eyes. He hated seeing you like this, he wanted to see your smile again. Your broken voice hit his ears as he put his bow away. He stared at you as you muttered to yourself.

“I wish you were with me…”

Your words shattered his heart. He didn’t think that you, an all mighty being, could be so vulnerable. And that fact you were so vulnerable in front of him, call him selfish, but he felt so happy that he was the person you could feel like this with. He just watched you cry, plotting the downfall of those that had harmed you. No one would get away with hurting a god such as yourself. 

He calmed down as he saw you drift off to sleep. His eyes were dark with rage, as his gaze from your sleeping figure didn’t break. Your screen dimmed due to inactivity, and his body was stiff. There was only one thing in his mind. And that thought passed through his lips as you could slightly hear him in your sleep.

“Dry your tears, you will have a wonderful place here in the Fatui. You will be protected within the Tsaritsa’s care and mine too.”

LA SIGNORA

You were crying as you had the pause menu open. You thought you could handle this fight against Signoria again. You never liked killing her over and over again, it was too much to your already aching head and heart. She realized you had stopped fighting her, and she saw your crying state. Signoria wanted to go easy on you, hoping you’d just finish this already. She didn’t like fighting you, much like how you didn’t like fighting her.

She felt so upset that someone could have this power over you. Signoria couldn’t even think that you, an all mighty being, could be so vulnerable. She then felt the battle continue, figuring that you decided to push through your sadness. She admired you for the way you would push though. Then the words you screamed out as you continued the fight with her hurt her so much.

“I wish you were with me!

Her anger couldn’t be contained as flames came out of her dress. It was a lot more intense as you tried to beat her. She let you win, however, with one of your best times in her domain. She just hoped it would have made you feel a little better. She saw you exit, feeling so bad as she wished you stayed. She longed for you, and she watched you as you stood outside her domain. 

And after you fell asleep, standing outside the domain, AFK she could still see you. She could see your sleeping, tear stained face. It hurt her knowing that not only fighting her made you so sad, but someone outside their world made you sad. She brought a hand up to the window as she just stared at the carrier of your actions. She muttered out to herself, hoping you heard her in your resting state.

“Even in death, I will try my best to protect you, all mighty creator…”

DOTTORE

You had been attached to Dottore ever since he was shown in the manga. He could feel your attachment even before the game released, even before his story in the game was shown. He admired you so much, and he hated that he had to turn everyone in Sumeru against you. His cutscene played, but he was intrigued when he saw you crying. He started to think that you were so hurt by his plot, by how the whole story quest was going.

He wasn’t far away after that cut scene. He stayed around, wanting to make sure you were okay. But he could only hear your sobbing, and he got closer, wanting to comfort you. The more you cried, the more he wanted to see you. The more he wanted you to see him and his comforting gaze, and it hurt him when you stuttered out of your tears. 

“I w-wish y-you w-were with m-m-me.”

He found your stuttering crying voice cute, but he wanted to help you so bad. Dottore couldn’t bring himself to accept the fact that someone could make you cry. It hurt him when you said that you needed him when he wasn’t there. He wanted so bad to be with you, to comfort you. His mind went to crazy places.

He noticed you were falling asleep, letting the dialogue pause to let you sleep peacefully. He felt honored to see a god like you, fall asleep and be peaceful. He wanted to kill those that made you sad, made you cry like this. His mind was plotting as the screen dimmed. He muttered to himself, not wanting the others around to notice he was there.

“I will do anything to those that make you cry, wire their brains to worship you like the god you are.”

ARLECCHINO

You were so excited to finally see Arlecchino after the trailers and leaks from the community. But you felt so upset during the quest, you couldn’t handle not crying. As you were listening to her dialogue, you were sobbing. Arlecchino’s ears perked up as she heard your sad sobs. It shocked her that you, the all seeing being, could be this vulnerable.

She became more concerned the longer you stayed on her dialogue screen. She had just met you, but she had heard of you through word of mouth, since you were a popular deity that was worshiped all over Teyvat. But seeing you like this for the first time was new. You had trusted her enough, after one interaction, to cry in front of her. Then your soft sad voice spoke up and she was stunned.

“I wish you were with me.”

Her eyes widened when she heard your soft and sad voice say that. She wanted you with her, too, to be worshiped like the god you are. She had always fantasized of all the children of the House of the Hearth meeting you, as they all admired you. She set up a room for you, and she wanted you there more than ever. But there was this rage that someone did this to you, made you this sad.

She sighed as it seemed she would be stuck in this dialogue for a little bit as you fell asleep. She was content, though, seeing you now calm from your previous crying fit. She broke out of her pose to bring her hand to her chin, as she thought to herself. Her gaze was soft as she stared at your sleeping face. She broke the code once more as she spoke off the script.

“I wish I were with you, to wipe away your tears. Once you come here, you will be worshiped by all in the House of the Hearth.”

Do not repost or translate without my explicit permission! Reblogs are welcome!

[yermes]

Gut wrenching tear jerking nostalgic grief which makes you want to claw your insides out 🫀

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Pick a meme

123

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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Follow me?

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The cards

Page of wands 🍄 

With grief comes inspiration, I feel as though people are scared of sadness, we are scared of things that are not permanent. We are scared of change, however with the immense sadness comes profound inspiration and learning. Experiencing the whole emotional spectrum is part of being a human being. Cry, be sad, be so disconnected from the change you feel as though you dropped from mars and you feel as though you are seeing everything for the first time again.

Doctor Falke 🫀

The science of being, the science of understanding, the science that things must change to be part of this giant shitty ecosystem. Nothing will ever stay the same the only thing we must count on is that things will change. In the alchemy of living, in the magic of the world around us we must face that everything is different. You will have different skin cells present, you have different friends and constantly make new connections, you learn a new thing and you change the foundation of who you are daily. Thats life

x of wands ☕️

Don’t let yourself get burned out by the grief, do not get swallowed whole by the sadness. Its okay to say goodbye, its okay to grieve but you must not let the constant of grief kill you. The world will move on without you if you remain constant. You must see the beauty of being sad. To miss something so much and so violently means you must have experience love and now you know love like that exists and you can take it and learn.

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Extras:

Story/vent:

I came home a year ago i have been making bad readings for you guys for abt 2 years!

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[butchdykekondraki]

its time for scp required reading... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please for the love of god heed the fucking warnings im so serious . like as much as i want to keep the tone of this post jokey and funny you NEED to heed the warnings on these

ok with that out of the way. read about my blorbos boy

''incident 239-b clef-kondraki'' (general warning for violence and blood/gore) - this one fucks. thats all i have to say about it

''technical issues'' - this one's funny + im biased because i fucking love pat the tech guy

''routine psychological evaluations by doctor glass'' - again i have personal bias about this (<- simon glass enjoyer + host is a glass introj) + this ones funny + if you're more into the fanon versions of the foundation staff this is right up your alley

''tradition'' - halloween party fun :-)

''dr cimmerian hits reply all'' - this is exactly what it sounds like i don't now what to tell you

''stupid cupid / stupid cupid: stop picking on me!'' - my house my rules read about cimmerian and his boytoy

''hawaiian shirts'' - clef fucking Breaks. thats all i can say about this without exploding into viscera

''help me my (love for) my daughter was born too still'' (general warning for mentions of child death) - i have personal bias about this (<- #1 agatha rights enjoyer) but this tale is So Good in general and a super interesting look at how agatha perceives herself and her work/life balance

''so leave yourself alone.'' (warning for graphic depictions of vomit and attempted suicide) - REALLY really really good look at clef kind of dropping his cruel persona and iris' mental health struggles regarding the foundation

''yesterday'' (warning for violence and implied/reference suicide. kind of.) - :-( <- this is the only way i can express my emotions about this tale. anyway it's really good and an interesting way of showing clefs relationships with people

''an apple a day...'' - REALLY good look at how dr glass is as a person and how he acts with people + this entire tale fucks SEVERELY

''personal log of dr gears / personal log of █████ 'iceberg' ████'' - good example of how gears and iceberg both format their documents / how they speak + its vaguely gearsberg + this gives a look at how gears and iceberg met. read the gearsberg tale boy

''portraits of your father'' (warning for graphic alcoholism, suicide, survivors guilt, and blood/gore) - super good look at draven and his relationship with his father, and kondraki's alcoholism, and also talloran is there. also three cheers for dravoran

''life's cold'' - most normal day iceberg has at this fuckass foundation + this is a good look at how iceberg acts and thinks

''fond memories'' (warning for death and body horror) - draven proposes! Draven proposes.

''scp-3999'' (warning for bugs, paranoia, death, body horror, sexual assault/rape, unreality, self harm, and depictions of bodily mutilation) - unironically this one fucks me up so bad its so fucking good dude. go read about james talloran RIGHT NOW

''i stared into the face of everything and nothing and made it back alive'' - this one also fucks me up so bad like i dont even have anything to say. read about talloran and draven RIGHT NOW

''you are at the center of everything that happens to you'' - james talloran talks to himself. kind of.

''a suicide note'' (warning for mentions of rape, child murder, survivors guilt, and suicide) - interesting look at clefs thoughts on him and his work

''date night'' - objectum win! dr alto clef is objectoromantic AND objectosexual! <- that should tell you all you need to know about this one

''scp-4231 / montauk house'' (warnings for graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, child abuse/neglect, murder, domestic violence, verbal/physical abuse and survivor's guilt) - absolutely gut-wrenching look at alto clef/francis wojciechoski and why he's so fucked up. uh genuinely do read the warnings on this one because when i say graphic i am not exaggerating. all of these things are explored in detail and are genuinely triggering so.

''okay, that's enough, let's get you home'' (warnings for some dubious make-out sessions, (mentioned) suicide, implications of rape/sexual assault, and vomit) - shameless moldhouse plug sorry not sorry. HIGHLY recommend reading this and it's other parts in their entirety because it genuinely drives me up the fucking wall it is So good. i will sing moldhouses praises until my throat goes out. read moldhouse Now

''duke 'till dawn'' - bpd king!!!!! anyway i dont have a lot of thoughts on this its just really good. also i didnt know dracula was an actual scp until i read this which is kind of funny to me

''rights' birthday party'' - my house my rules you're going to read about agatha rights whether you like it or not

''sex at a frigid temperature'' - again, my house my rules. read the depressing gearsberg tale, boy.

''7 things that new level 3 researchers should know'' - i dont have any thoughts on this i just think this one has really cool formatting

''home is where i want to be'' - no greater thoughts this is just really neat i think. also kiryu labs is in it and im biased as fuck

''gentle wings flutter quietly in the dark'' - read about zyn kiryu NOW

[mofsblog]

Uh oh, I got reminded TFGraves exist and I'm mentally ill and going to make it YOUR problem!! (Translation: I'm going to gosh about them)

They just mean so much to me? And they just feel soo?? Special?? And unique on a meta level as well? It's already one thing that they are a canonised mlm pairing because historically those ones tend to be more controversial because it tends to make cishet dudes (aka leagues main demographic) more uncomfortable because cant fetishise it (also yes they're not Technically "together" but idc its explicitly canon they have feelings for eachother). It's another that both are surprisingly developed and nuanced charaters (could go on for hours about how theyre both self destructive and have abandonment issues and repress their feelings in very different ways) that are morally ambiguous and have a complex and multifaceted relationship with eachother and yeah i know league lore is subject to retcons and having differet writers but idk. i think its impressive we got two nuanced developed queer male characters WITH A COMPLICATED AND DEVELOPED RELATIONSHIP WITH EACHOTHER in a game known for its bigotted player base. Another thing i fucking love about this ship is how the riot writers were like "what if we subverted some tropes and made the more flamboyant one implied pan and we made the traditionally masculine one, who highkey has toxic masculinity, gay". BUT ALSO HIS TOXIC MASCULINITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS QUEERNESS. like yes he cant express his feelings directly to save his life but the fact he's a gay man is completely not relevant to that and he's canonically had a bunch of ex boyfriends and is canonically a monsterfucker/hj. I'm not over how they took a pretty cishet masculine thing and made queer. Like the rough outlaw who hates talking about his feelings and is out for violent revenge on those who've wronged him..... except the guy who's "wronged" him is actually his best friend who he has mutual feelings for and also he fucks men. IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. im insane.

moving on to other thing i like about them is that the sheer range this ship has??? Like yes there's gut wrenching fucked up dynamic that drives you crazy as you pyschoanalyse and unpack the layers of all of THAT. "that" being the fact a man thought he got abandoned by his best friend and got tortured and isolated in prison for 10 years and during those 10 years the only thing that kept him from killing himself was the sheer rage and want for vengence (towards someone he probably had repressed romantic feelings for) AND THEN WHEN HE GOT THE CHANCE TO KILL HIM, HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO DO IT 💀 (im literally never going to be normal about that) and during those 10 years the other man actually got all of their mutual friends killed in an attempt to save him and the survivors guilt fucked him up so bad its implied he failed trying to drown himself so he changed his entire name and personhood instead to isolate himself from the soul crushing guilt of it. BUT DESPITE THAT ANGST, there's a surprising amount of domesticity and comfort with this ship??? No like you'd think these two would be friends to enemies to lovers BUT NO, theyre actually friends to enemies to friends to friends who are fucking pinning for eachother like crazy. Despite the angsty dynamic these two also have the best friends who have known eachother for ages and who everyone think is dating but both are oblivious or dont believe the other feels the same BUT THEY ALSO HAVE opposites attract bickering marriage couple who constantly tease and banter with eachother. like the range is crazy

No but I feel like something that makes me emotional about this is that they tried to kill eachother and badly hurt eachother unintentionally but like, instead of being homophobic about it and making them just hate eachother forever and never reconcicle (which like those ships are amazing and valid and also thats literally another league ship/hj), the writers made them make up???? AND LIKE? HEAL? KINDA? Like no they havent worked through everything and no neither of them like talking about their feelings but they're "partners" again and they have this really domestic understanding of eachother and theyre managing and theyre bantering like they used to and theyre literally so comfortable around eachother and look, graves isnt tormented by his time in prison as much anymore and hes just a genuinely goofy criminal dumbass who robs people and cracks jokes that irriate his partner AND IDK ITS SO DOMESTIC AND FUNNY? BUT IT DOESNT FEEL OUT OF CHARACTER. THESE TWO JUST ARE IN A GOOD PLACE DESPITE EVERYTHING AND IDK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY???? why did league of legends make compelling queer ship

[with-my-calamitous-love]

bnha ending spoilers! specifically for touya!

so. he’s alive but like barely 💔

touya todoroki is my favourite character from the entire series, one of them at least. i predicted for him to have an azula type ending, and in a way he did. he didn’t die, but he wasn’t redeemed. theres theories and guesses out there, but his fate is ultimately left unknown.

i think this is a good ending for him, and heres why.

i know a lot of people (myself included) wanted to see touya make amends with his family. and as much as it breaks my heart that the tdrk siblings didn’t necessarily get the happy ending they deserved, to me it seems more real that way.

as someone who grew up in a not-so-good household, and related to a lot of the struggles their family went through, i thought that the ending was comforting in a way. for me, it was reassurance that healing doesn’t have to be amends. sometimes, forgiveness isn’t always the ending. for touya, that wasn’t the case. he was mentally stuck as a traumatized child after being in a coma for three years. he went home to realize that his father didn’t forget about him, that he was just never impacted by him. that does something to a child.

and considering the abuse that every sibling in that family had to endure, it makes sense that forgiveness isn’t always how it ends. i actually agree with natsuo going no contact with endeavour- i found that relatable since i’m that way with my own. and i find ir even more gut-wrenching seeing how fuyumi had tried to hold the family together, since thats usually how oldest daughters operate.

and my heart just breaks just thinking about shouto. as a youngest child myself, i can’t imagine a world where i didn’t need my big siblings. youngest children often get a bad rap and for good reasons, but its also incredibly painful watching your older siblings go through things and feeling powerless.

if theres one thing i’ve learned, and one thing i think the bnha ending has taught us, life goes on. time moves fast. months melted into 8 years really quickly. im sure natsuo married his girlfriend. im sure rei is much happier and healthier than she was. im sure fuyumi is doing great. i hope that endeavour is a better person. i hope that shouto is healing from all that he’s gone through.

and though we don’t know what happened to touya in those 8 years, i hope he knows that at least, his family is healing. that they’re not the same family that broke him.

i am biased because again i relate to these characters and their struggles a lot! so know that you’re completely allowed to have a different opinion. i absolutely loved the bnha ending 🤍 thank you, thank you, THANK YOU HORIKOSHI!

[mimikittysblog]

✨MimiKitty's 2023 Fic Wrapped✨

So as a fun activity my friends all decided to make a 2023 wrapped ppt! So I decided to make one for all the fics I read in 2023! (I didnt get to present it btw lol)

I put what I decided to be my top fics for each month! Whether it be because of amazing writing, gut wrenching angst, sickeningly cute fluff or nastiest smut I decided to put it as my favorite fic for that month!

NOTE: Some of these were not exactly written/published in the month that I put them in but it was when I read and/or reblogged it!

Now without any further ado! Here is my 2023 Fic wrapped!

January

Happiness by @end-hyphen

Why is painter hoon so attractive???? 😭 The angst in this fic is SO GOOD! Its just really memorable and I love the ending too! ALSO THE PLOT TWISTS?!?! I was gagged yo. I was gripping my phone when I was reading this!!! It's just a really beautiful well written fic! Loooove it so much!!

February

In Another Life by @httphannie

First of all the smut was great!! Loved it! But maaann THE ANGST THROUGH OUT THE WHOLE FIC IS SO GOOD!! The ending is one of the most tear jerking, gut wrenching, heart breaking, soul crushing endings I've ever read. SEUNGCHEOL!! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST FUCKIN ESCAPED PLEASEEEE! I remember BAWLING when I first read it, and ✨surprise surprise✨ I cried again just recently when I reread it again. Its so beautifully written, I get every emotion thats poured into this fic and the story itself is so good and unique in a way I just love it! (also kinda funny but love how this is the only SVT fic that made it on this list 😂😂😂)

March

More than This by @heesbaby

KITTY JAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all.

But in all seriousness, this is a wonderful smau!! I loved every bit of it!! Its so cute and soft! Jay is so BABY KITTY 🥹🥹🥹 I love him to bits! And the funny parts are also so funny! The smut is also good but to me its also so cute too! ALSO THE ANTAGONIST MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT ARSON HOW DARE SHE HURT MY PRETTY BBY JAY!!! But when a fic gets me reacting like that you know its good! Overall an amazing smau! Love love!

April

The Archer and His Queen by @forjongseong

ARCHER JAY GOT ME ACTING UP DUDEEEE!!! The thought its so hot but you wanna know whats hotter??? HOW RESPECTFUL HE IS THROUGH OUT THIS FIC!! He truly respects his Queen and then truly falls in love with her?!? I CANNOT! Also I like how unique it is! In a way that Jay isn't a knight, not a prince, not a king, not just like a commoner, but an archer. Idk I just like how different it is, how often is it to have the love interest be an archer? (I'm sure pretty common but I rarely see it hehe) plus.. again, thats hot 🥰 The smut is so gooooood!! and the ending is adorable!

May

Ship Happens by @/tfwheeseung

MERMAID JAKE!!!!! Like. MERMAID! JAKE!! Now this story, I don't think any of you can read it anymore? as tfwheeseung (lily) has deactivated. So thats a shame, but if theres a way you can read it please do!! Its so cute and so funny! Jake is like a mermaid pup combined he's adorable here!! HE JUST WANTED TO CATCH YOU A FISH!!! How adorable is that?! Its just a simple and adorable fic that I cant stop giggling about every time I think about it!

June

Angels Like You by @ham-st4r

OH THIS ONE IS SOOOOOOO GOOOOOD!! DUDE THE HEART BREAK I FELT FOR HEESEUNG IN THIS FIC AAAAAAA!!

“I believed that you had changed, I really did,” // “I gave you my heart” // "I trusted you with my body,” //“I-I loved you”

Heart breaking dude 😭😭😭 Like how dare the reader break this soft boys heart!! BUT THE ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! LIKE AAAA!! I shed some tears!! Overall I truly absolutely adooooree this fic!!! Plus reading it while listening to the song makes you cry harder 👍

July

Hype Boy by @onlyjaeyun

DOMESTIC JAKE!!! Bro Jakes backstory man 😔😔😔 I've never heard of anything sadder like I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM AND HIS ADORABLE AND ANGEL OF A BABY BROTHER! I adore the Sim brothers so much and I will do anything I can to protect them AAAAAAAAAA!!!! Hype Boy is such an adorable and sad smau but it ends so beautifully! Jake has an amazing support system in this smau and just the love he has for his baby brother and the reader is unmatched I love love love!!

August

Rule Number 1: Don't Fall in Love by @jaylaxies

Dude idk why I love fake dating tropes, especially when its to get revenge! So I was hooked from the beginning!!! So HAHAHAH GET FUCKED HOON! Jake is SUCH A GREEN FLAG THROUGH OUT THIS ENTIRE THING ITS GORGEOUS TO READ!!!! Also Undercut Jake?!?!? 🤭 yes pleaseeeeee!! also this one?? the smut?? oh yeah it is NASSTYYYYY IN A GOOD WAY AND I LOVE THATT!! But the aftercare is just perfect!! This is a reaaaalllyy good fic that I always find myself constantly rereading!

September

Poison by @onlyjaeyun

Oh wow another onlyjaeyun smau??? well duh when this on is just AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE!!!! LIKE OOOHH MY GOD IS THIS ONE AMAZING! Like heeseung is so... AKJSJS I HAVE NO WORDS 😭 The fact he actually gets off on the readers pleasure??? HOT BRO. And how can I not put this as the best thing I read during september when it has lines like THIS:

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you, princess" // "I just can't break this promise, Sunghoon is my everything",

"and what about me? What am I to you?"

"My most precious treasure."

Do I need to explain further??? Yeah. I thought so 😊

October

Come Back to Me by @enhaheeseung

This entire series was a rollercoaster of a read. Like the way I went from "FUCK YOU HEESEUNG!" to "NO WAIT TAKE HIM BACK" to "YES GO HEESEUNG GO!!" to "HEESEUNG YOU DICKHEADDD" to "Oh god you poor thing" to "Omg yay! theyre together 🥰" is absolutely amazing!! As this was a series, every time I saw a notification for the next part of this fic showed up I immeeeediately read it! Caused me to be late for work a couple of times but it was worth it 👍👍👍👍. It's written really well! I just love this story and how it makes my heart clench and have me at the edge of my seat! Just amazing!

November

Verboten by @heesbaby

YES. JUST AN ABSOLUTE YES!! This smau is SO FRICKIN GOOD! Daddy Heeseung?? like duh yes please! But even before then reader got to play around with 02z 🤭🤭🤭🤭 so that was fun! and what made me love this one so much was also HOW FUNNY IT IS??? Like Cinna I don't think we give you enough credit youre like- SO FUNNY?? How you even thought of having Niki doxx Jake I'll never know but it's just so funny and I'll forever laugh at that thought. But this smau is also just so frickin fluffy at times! the relationship heeseung has with the reader is so fucking healthy, I'm actually jealous. I loved this smau very very much!

December

Strictly Business by @onlyjaeyun

And a surprise to absolutely no one!!! Of course Zadie's third smau had to be on here! NOT MY FAULT SHE MAKES AMAZING STORIES!!! Plus Jay??? as a CEO??? WHAT CAN BE HOTTERRRRR?!?! Of course it's automatically my favorite!!! But besides that Jay is just... so amazing!! He'll literally do ANYTHING for the reader and thats so fucking endearing! My mans in love your honor! We love a rich man who's in love! Find me a man like that please! Besides that the smut is amazing yo, and the ddlg parts 🤭🥰🤭🥰 got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair bro!! It's really no surprise how amazing this one is! especially with how sweet and amazing everyone is (besides some of the antagonists of course!) 100000/10 smau! truly!

And that was my 2023 fic wrapped!!! Also Honorable mentions to these specific creators and fics cause I also REALLY LOVED THEM! I just had to mention them:

@ham-st4r for Wrong Doings

@enhaheeseung for Nobodies

@strzlun for Midnight

@yunjardi for Double Trouble

@luvyeni for Forever and Always

@shanbinswf for Brand New Moves

@yeonjunszn for So Sick

@kitten4sannie for Space in Between

@yoursjaeyun for Endless Love

Thank you to everyone who wrote all these amazing stories! You all really make my days better! I hope you all continue to write for 2024!! I also wish 2024 will be kinder to you! Love you all! 💕

[ieatsticksandrocks]

I think the aesthetic culture is overrated. Like I love the whole dark academia stuff but I'm just a teenage girl after all and I cant afford all the pretty vintage clothes and I can't make my room look like an antique store. I can't even afford mary janes.

I wish we could care less about the looks and all the expensive stuff and focus on the actual academia spirit.

I love reading, I enjoy reading more than any human interaction, actually but do I really have to read the secret history to fit in (i love that book by the way but you just know what i mean) ? We can still go to a bookstore or to the local library and grab a random book that we never heard about before, maybe only because the title is interesting or the cover is pretty, and we can still romanticise reading it.

I'm writing some poetry using a cheap pencil, laying on my bed, it is bad, i suck at rhyming but it is mine, i love it anyway. It doesnt have to be epic or gut wrenching. Its about something that means a lot to me so its worthy.

I started noticing how the aesthetic culture ruined my perspective of reality, how it made my expectations about life impossible. Not everything has to be pretty and flawless, and they still deserve to be loved.

I wanted to keep journals for a long time but whenever i started one, i just gave up because it never looked as good as a journal on pinterest. Now that i noticed how wrong i was, im keeping three journals. One of them is a pocket journal. Its not exactly like a diary, its more of messy ideas and quotes written down. I carry it in my pocket everywhere.

The other one is my book journal and i write my reviews about the books i read or sometimes even small essays.

The last one is a film journal and i write my film reviews in it. Its nothing professional but it made me realise that my thoughts and ideas are worthy. I mean no one's gonna sit and read my review about how Carmilla movie sucked but it was actually good at the same time, but its important for me so its worth being written down.

Thats all i wanted to say, we dont have to collect antiques to fit in the aesthetic, some thrift trinkets are also fine. The book that is gonna change your life might not be if we were villains but it might be some book you found on a random shelf in the library. Dead poets society is a great film but you might like mädchen in uniform better, who knows.

[suburbanbonfire]

tagged by @18minutemajor for a hockey art share tag game! I enjoy talking about myself but am terrible at posting so this is perfect. i WILL talk too much, this is a threat.

rules: post your first ever hockey art, your latest hockey art, and your favourite hockey art, then tag three hockey artists.

FIRST ART

I made the Kraken Orb (Korb) at the end of the 22-23 season, as a commemoration, although a sort of ironic one considering i had only gotten into hockey in time for the playoffs so there are a couple players here i actually never got to see play at all before making this (Joonas, Jaycob, Burky, Fleury)

it was a whole lot of fun though! Prior to this i was in a months-long art slump after leaving a fandom, so it was a total surprise to have hockey of all things be what revitalized my art.

technically, the very first hockey art from this was Matty; you can kinda tell by the way his lines are a bit thicker than the rest since i wasn't in my groove yet. i also knew coming in that i wanted to arrange the faces in a circle, but didn't plan out beyond that, so i just made sure that i was getting a variety of head directions in my references and hoped for the best. My favorites from this are Gru, Soucy, Dunn, Schultz, Borgen, and Eeli. I think they all turned out really well.

LATEST ART

MEAT CUT MEAT CUT

this one is fun for me because it's quite different from my usual style of art, with lineart and non-realistic forms/face. I've had the concept in my head for awhile after hearing/reading so many interesting descriptions of the physical qualities that good hockey players possess.

'Sacrifice the Body' actually came in mid-art when i had an epiphany doing something like driving my car or an activity similarly unrelated. Before that, it was going to be a lil heart drawn on the chest and the going contender for the label was 'Ferda.' which would've been great, but sacrifice the body just worked too dang well with the themes.

FAVORITE ART

i mean, c'mon. it's gotta be this one.

my magnum opus, my white whale. it came out even better than i saw it in my head and i love everything about it. when i came up with the idea, i had TOTALLY forgotten that Climate Pledge has those giant windows, so when i set out to find references and saw it, it instantly made everything even better with LIGHTING!!!!

It was my first time drawing this kind of interior architecture and although there's definitely things i would do differently now, im so so proud of how it looks and turned out. I was also still drawing through my decade-old laptop at that point, so I had to split up the work on this into two files - i sketched everything, then worked ONLY on the bg until it was about 90% done, then made a flattened copy to open as a new file to draw the players on top of.

I also have a bunch of WIP shots of it in my drafts I guess I'll throw in here now!

initial sketch to get down the composition before i remembered the window | lines of the building! i actually found a 3d virtual tour of CPA from before it was built which had the PERFECT angle, so i screencapped that and straight up traced the architecture. Ultimately, the scoreboard and the paint lines ended up getting moved around.

planning out my lighting in greyscale (i really need to do this more often, i struggle with values so much, alas) | in progress bg! at this point, the ice and the boards/glass were the only things completed. I eventually said 'fuck it' to being able to see the areas behind the stands like you could in all my references, and just put the people dots all the way up.

Now the most gut-wrenching part

THE TAGS

this is where me being bad at posting comes into play, because instead i just lurk and thats not great for forming connections HERE GOES

@ruinedcasket - it has been awesome seeing your art progress! would love 2 hear your thoughts about it

@rouzys - your kraken stuff is so pretty, love how you capture likenesses

oh god oh fuck everyone else i know has already been tagged fuck oh sshit

If You Are An Artist On Hockey Twit And See This, It Is A Sign

[honeyhotteoks]

i think a bit back you mentioned not being open to fic recommendations (and im not entirely sure if you read member/member fics) but you mentioned how close to your heart priest yunho is and it would be literal sin if i did not even mention this regency era, clergy, omegaverse, angst hurt-comfort yungi fic i read. its a wild set of tags (and honestly thats what drew me in ugh) but i promise it all works out. genuinely has some of the most gut wrenching lines on earth, ala "my love for god was shaped my love for you." which like ow that hurts! i wont link it cuz id hate to feel pushy but again, sin to not mention it

also i think you should reblog whatever you like - it is your blog at the end of the day and if you would like to mix fandoms i say go for it! your recommendations have always been fun so i trust you

hi hi! first off..... please my god send me that?????

also as far as fic recs go..... i'm super open to them actually, i just feel a little bad if someone recs me something that i didn't like or wasn't super into it, especially if i don't repost it. but that's probably me being an overthinker lol, so i'm okay if people send me recs i just don't want anyone to be bummed if i don't get to it or don't share it out if it's not my fave.

the other thing is that i used to get a lot of people popping up in my DMs/asks to share their own writing with me, which sounds really nice but ultimately ended up being the person asking for feedback or workshopping advice, which is something i'm not comfortable doing. i certainly support other writers, but i'm not the kind of fic writer who does beta work / workshopping anymore, it's way too much of a time sink unfortunately

but i def read member/member, though i do have "ships" i prefer more than others tbh. if i'm reading ships it's mostly yunho paired with anyone (lol) or woosan or sanhwa. i just don't write member/member exclusively b/c i feel a little more comfortable writing from pov or afab perspective.

anyways, thanks so much for sending this because i def want to read it!! also just wanted to use this to clarify a couple things so other people feel comfortable sending stuff in too. ty!!

[iwanttofuckereh69]

now reading 2ha vol 2

ch 55 - 71

… but the careless thought would fly through his mind and soon be lost, like the drizzle of rain falling into a deep pond.

Mo Ran’s entire existence put into words perfectly

1. now im sad 😭

Ahhh the way Shi Mei’s death is described is gut wrenching. I was so sad reading that. But yeah, at least there are more details to what happened. It seems like Chu Wanning couldn’t do anything to save him that day. Or rather, he had to choose. I feel like if he tried saving Shi Mei, he wouldn’t hold the barrier. So he chose, faithful to his principles. It ties to Chu Xun’s sacrifice that seems to be supposed to show how hard of a decision it must have been both on Chu Xun and Chu Wanning. My guess is Mo Ran either didn’t realize at the time that CWN had to choose one over the other or he couldn’t understand why he would sacrifice his disciple to protect all those people he himself doesn’t care about. 

But damn that description hurt. Mo Ran’s heart was truly aching. And that comparison to a snowflake, equally beautiful and equally unimportant. Ehh

@thegreymoon if this is "moderate and usual amount of suffering" then i dont know if i want to continue!!!!

(jk, i like when it hurts 🙂)

2. Chu Wanning is even more awkward than i was in high school which should be considered an achievement

Tbh I like moments of Mo Ran’s longing for Chu Wanning. And how he reacts when he sees Chu Wanning finally after all this time CWN spend “in seclusion”. Its lovely, but also hes so dumb for not realizing. This whole whatever was going on between them during New Years Eve celebration was just lovely but also so awkward. Chu Wanning deliberately giving him a copper coin dumpling? Absolutely cute. But also so awkward and just 😬 Instead of finding thousands of weird ways to flirt maybe just tell him? Idk its an outrageous idea, but idk give it a try maybe?? And omg that awkward moment when he wanted to invite mo ran to watch fireworks but… yeah. I felt it in my bones. 

3. Breaking news, Mo Ran, despite being 32 yo in 16 yo body mentally somehow ended up being 5

Sometimes it feels to me as if mo ran desired CWN not as a person but as an object. And he is even comparing him to an ugly box that nobody wanted with perfectly fine food inside. An ugly box only he himself dared to open to discover the treasure inside. And he is so childishly jealous when now that box is on display for everyone to look at. Its almost silly. But also yeah, its another time he treats CWN more like a thing he owns. And nobody else should see any worth in that thing, because its only his to consume. There is a fine expression in my native language for a person like that, and funny enough, its also dog related. But I couldn't find any translation that would convey all the nuisance. It’s for a person that won’t let anyone else enjoy a thing even if they themselves have no intention of enjoying that thing either. It reminded me of this quote:

Eventually, like a beast, he had known only one thing: that Chu Wanning was his. Even if he didn’t care for Chu Wanning, he was still his to sunder and to ruin. 

And like… Right now, Mo Ran seems to me like an annoying jealous kid that wants CWN for himself out of pure spite. Because CWN never gave MR attention he thought he was owed or that he deserved. I want to punch him just a bit.

4. Shi Mei is totally Chu Wanning’s wingman

Like he always tries to show Mo Ran that CWN isnt all that bad XD And I won’t believe he didn’t realize after all those completely awkward confessions and random hand holdings that Mo Ran has feelings for him. Like I won’t believe he wouldn’t see right through him especially on that boat. And I think he is smarter than MR and saw that CWN isn’t indifferent to Mo Ran after all. I want to say he would be happy if they’d get together but BASED ON COMMUNITY’S REACTIONS i feel like i will look like a clown lol. But oh well thats my very biased impression of Shi Mei. 

@rosemary-screams

Never back down never what? NEVER GIVE UP!

Also it dawned on me while reading that you’re totally right @02cm, Mo Ran totally is wasting his chances with Shi Mei. I mean it happened before but that boat scene striked me as so annoyingly obvious. Like, he knows Shi Mei dies after he gets back from that “summer camp” in peach blossom springs. Its not gonna be long till that day and he can’t be sure it won’t happen again. And he is waiting around, unable to express his feelings that he was supposed to be so sure of. Is it… perhaps… a live showcase of Mo Ran’s only two brain cells almost connecting? Almost! Not quite there yet, but we’re on the right path. 

5. This book makes me feel disdain towards the characters and then feel bad for them in the matter of chapters njnjgviuvnjuigi im not well

I'm so heartbroken with the story of how Mo Ran was punished when he tried to steal the haitang flower for Chu Wanning because he had a crush on him. And CWN never let him speak and explain himself and punished him instead. I mean it’s kinda understandable but it makes me sad knowing that MR had such pure intentions... Also, that bedtime story about ox… Mo Ran sees himself in that boy? Because it seems like he always took the beatings no matter if he deserved it and nobody was kind enough to actually listen? And it seems like it will happen again now that he's being framed for murder.

6. Me when MR gave Xia Sini butterfly hair clip and made his hair:

THIS HAS NO REASON TO BE SO CUTE. Also i'm actually enjoying that smol Chu Wanning arc despite being weirded out at first. It gave CWN opportunity to be more relaxed around MR and the rest. And just like he can enjoy sweets as much as he wants without having to worry about losing his face, he can also just chill a bit because oh boy, my guy needed it so much

7. Someone really dislikes Mo Ran and is actively plotting his demise (which im not even surprised with). It’s either someone he already managed to wrong after reincarnating or someone of those many, many people he offended in his past life that somehow also got reincarnated into the past. What are the odds?!

Also, if Chu Wanning and Chu Xun are related (rather closely given how they look alike) and Chu Xun died and Chu Lan died and it seemed like there wasn’t anyone left out of their bloodline… how. Also what’s the self sacrifice gene because it clearly runs in this family. 

[sugar-omi]

BIG FAT ORANGE CAT. I LOVE IT HERE. YOUR CAT IS MINE NOW RUNS AWAY WITH MY TIDDIES OUT

DUUUUUDE. i would've crashed out so bad omfg the sibling interrupting trope is SO GUT WRENCHING. (and can probably relate to olba. somehow.)

BUT LIKE YEAH NO IT GOT HOT. LIKE WE WERE MAKING OUT FOR A GOOD LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES. HIS TONGUE AND FINGERS WRE IN MY MOUTH ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS. MY SHIRT ALMOST CAME OFF. I STILL HAVE HICKIES.

and GOD. the way he was fucking whining and panting into my mouth the whole time?? the way he made it impossible to arch with how heavily he was pressing against me??? the way he pulled away at the end of it breathless and whimpering, begging me to "stop feeling so good against [him] before [he stopped] being able to hold back"???? i had to take the bus home because if i let him drive me back to the dorms i would NOT have gotten back before midnight.

we agreed not to put a label on it yet, that we'd keep things light until we figured out what we both felt and what we both wanted without jumping into anything too early...BUT THE TEXT I GOT THIS MORNING. "but i wouldn't mind if we did. that. again"

HHHOOOOOOLY SHIT. OMI THIS CANNOT BE REAL.

i am now making it my mission to seduce this man into being all mine. i'm committed now.

STOPP NOOO HE DIDNT SAY THAT!!! NO WAY!!!!! usually im not crazy over the "i cant hold back" line but im so obsessed rn.... he's literally whipped. obsessed. a ximi lover. XIMI KISSER!!! HES LOCKED IN!!!!!

ALSO FINGERS ARE CRAZY. THATS. OH MAN THAT IS 🥵🥵🥵 AAAAA ALSO YESS HICKEYS ARE SO CRAZY. I LOVE IT.

AND PRESSING SO HARD AGAONST YOU YOU CANT EVEN MOVE BACK INTO HIM.... OHHH THATS SO COVE CODED. IM WRITING THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW

N THE WHIMPERING. PLEASE. THATS SO CUTE???? I need that so bad. oh my god. I cannot go on....

arghhh you would've had to pry my cold dead body off of him what the FUCK. I LOVE THIS!!! YAYYY!!!!

slow is good. slow is super good. definitely communicate what you want, like if you're a long-term girlie or if he's a long-term girlie but the other isnt/hasn't said that, jus go like "i wanna see how long this lasts bc this relationship feels really good so far"

(must say. idk whats in yalls head, so im jus talking to you like i would any of my friends okie<3333)

or even if ya don't know if you're a long-term type! or whatever!!! I think saying you wanna see how far this goes bc you're having a good time already, is good. it's like. no pressure yk. just wanna explore how deep the water is and enjoy it, and wherever it goes, you're happy with it

n ofc say if you'd like it to be a bf/gf thing. like "I'd like to be committed but rn I'm happy to see where it goes bc I rlly like you (and i wanna get there if possible)"

BUT YESS I SO AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT SEDUCING HIM. LOCK HIM UP!! PUT A RING ON IT!!!!!!

I told u I would immediately be planning our wedding, I can't so slow i am locked in IMMMMEDIATELY!!!

BUT DOMT BE CRAZY LIKE ME LMAOOO JUST HAVE FUN!!! GO ON DATES N STUFF!!!!! omg yknow what. fill out those like, friendship questionnaires. and those partner ones. like it may have things u might not have thought to know abt each other

like some things jus come naturally, but I think a quick way is cute, and sometimes stupid, and mundane dates, and questions like you're back in middle school

eeekk I can't believe we've made this much progress in jus a few DAYSSS IM SO OBSESSED 😫 u must tell me how things go.... my dms are wideeeee open 🥹💞

[players-of-intrigue]

In order to keep myself sane while I was studying for finals, I got around to making playlists for my three PCs, woe thee:

These are still WIPs but most of the songs that I want are in there — self indulgent blorbo jams ft gut wrenching songs that only i and a friend of mine have the context to

extra notes below the cut:

I apologize for the amount of The Amazing Devil songs, their discography works too well (and makes me cry, but thats normal)

Elio and Vox share some songs because thats intentional, thats their songs as a duo exclusively (and also the order of the shared songs match so, fun-fun.)

I did put a little too much thought in the order of songs for this (also why there’s some instrumental songs thrown in there, its for vibe transitions) so its gonna be at least a little more fun if you listen to it in order (or at least I hope so)

I may have put too much ouch-y songs for Elisha. My bad.

And also, most of these songs won’t really make sense if you don’t know these characters’ backstories I realize (my fault I’ll be honest, I’ll write it up in another day)

Everyone is open to send asks for elaboration on the songs and their stories btw, I’ve been wanting to ramble about these three but I need someone to enable it

[vivalabunbun]

For that one alhaitham android fic, I'm going to kiss you on the forehead everynight platonicly because your work is that good. Like- I'm bad at complimenting people, but from the one i've read and shy to tell you how gut wrenching it is.

The way you wrote makes me feeling lots of stuff in the same time (Good way in any possible way), I'm jealous on how you be able to convey feeling and story, I cry, I laughed, I enjoy every fic. The fic you written always have me on my edge of my seat. Its clear that you made it with so much attention and like- i apologize for saying it lots of time but the way you convey your story from writing have me shooked. You are one of a talented writer, if you made a novel. I will run and buy it instantly cause the way you wrote, the way you convey your story, and the way to make you readers ( i know im not the only one feeling like this) fall inlove with your works is so incredible and so inspiring.

I'm writing this while I'm supposed to study but damn i do not regret using my time to see this beautifully well crafted writing, and that Frankestein mention at the end. Oh my heart is shattered, i havent got the time to read, but my bestfriend read it and shooked their heart. I want to have what you have on how you be able to write such an amazing way.

You are so talented, so detailed, so so loved and I as someone from another place on this earth, who is reading your work in bed (there was one time, 2am crying while reading your work) love you so much and my heart cant keep quiet of it, I want to tell you how good, how gut wrenching your work is and I love love you so much, just know that you are very loved by the people you know and the readers that you gave permission to read such a well crafted story.

I know i say a lot but damn thats something, I apologize for my english since it wasnt my first languange, Thank you for  giving your time reading this. I hope you have a good day and thank you for making so well crafted story. (Man, i'm suprosed i be able to make a 5 paragraph of compliments BUT IS REALLY THAT GOOD. YOU DESERVE IT.)

Humble anon who reads too much yet have so little time <3333

Thank you 🥹🥹

I wish you the best on your studies and thank you for sharing your experience. (Your English is perfect dw!)

Ahh I’m not very good at accepting compliments to my works because I just view myself as someone who’s suffering from fictional men brainrot. I don’t view myself as talented or amazing, I’m just like to create and share 💕💕

Hearing that people really connect with the stories and characters I explore makes my heart flutter and smile ☺️💗

[sasukeless]

while i do think part of late stage naruto writing was just to wrap things up, sasuke completely forgiving itachi really just shows that he will always be the little brother. i mean not just logically lol like the personality, the little brother that looks up to his big brother and looks up to him and looks to him for guidance, regardless of how right or wrong it is. like yes sasuke was gonna attack konoha when its the opposite of what itachi wanted, but in the end its still influenced by his feelings for itachi (non rom. obviously). itachi can do whatever he wants or thinks he has to do and sasuke will forgive him. meanwhile you have itachi who also will always see sasuke as the little brother, emphasis on little, controlling him and what he does, up to the very end, never seeing sasuke as a grown person that can make his own decisions or even considering why sasuke does what he does, always clouded by his unquestioning loyalty to konoha. i think ironically people calling him a genius really fucked with his intelligence since he always thinks hes in the right (planning on brainwashing his own baby brother??).

i think it would be super interesting to see a what-if scenario where itachi survives post-war and continues this. probably not to the same degree but you cannot tell me he would just suddenly go 'ok sasuke i trust you know whats right for you:)' there is just no fucking way. and sasuke having the time and space to actually think about how his big brother is not right, not just pushing it aside to blow konoha up in grief and anger. like actually getting to work these things out and. idk where im going with this. feel free to reply publicly

u really read my mind like to me itachi the worst case of Older Sister u will ever see but sasuke also is the worst case of little sister when u actually stop to think it through because he reallyyyy would forgive itachi for all and i cant say that doesnt makes sense. im a middle child but for the longest time i was the little sister and i know whats being on the spot of forgiving the worst things from my sister does even when i KNOW i wouldnt forgive that from anyone else (not to trauma dump here but i was literally outed by my own sister to my parents horribly and even if its one of my worst memories like Ever. i really forgave her the second she did it). like of course in sasuke and itachi’s case is soooo far worse and their power dynamic is so much more messed up but it makes complete sense to me i cant lie about that. and also i find their relationship one of the most compelling things in the manga along with sns because of that. its horrible but god if its not gut-wrenching. sasuke will ALWAYS deserve better in my eyes but his love for itachi is so so big and unfortunately for him itachi also loves him the same his problem is that his way of loving sasuke is soooo bad, that in the end even if its sad to see sasuke losing his brother a second time itachi dying is the Best outcome for both cus had he kept living his way to love sasuke would just have continued to mess with sasuke’s life. Like youre so rightt had itachi survived post war he wouldve NOT been suddenly become the best brother thats just not how he ever was w sasuke, even if he didnt saw it he wouldve kept trying to make sasuke follow the life path he puts for him, but also like u said i think w itachi alive and sasuke himself growing up he wouldve also on his own began to put his foot down too to itachi Worst Older Sister syndrome. because the thing about grief is that when u lose someone you love you dont want to think of the bad memories so it makes sense after itachi’s death sasuke refuses to think badly of him even if he has all the reasons, and keeps him STILL on that pedestal of older brother and its insane but like i said. i get it