#is when i am having insomnia
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#so I just want to talk about my sweet kitty for a second#haha#my cat Jiji has always been super empathetic and really in tune to how I feel#I’m chronically ill/disabled#and he can often sense something is off even before I can#for example#when I have an mcas episode#he comes in immediately and tries to sit right on me and he smells my nose/mouth#but another thing he has been doing#is when i am having insomnia#he comes in an snuggles up right on top of me#and it knocks me right out every time#lol#I just think that’s so cute#like I’ll wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and struggle to go back to sleep#and he’ll come in the bedroom#plop right on top of me#and I fall asleep within minutes#such an angel
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ENG PLAYERS I BESEECH YOU
I have been informed that you guys are getting part 4 of episode 7 tomorrow, which means we are FINALLY going to get the official romanization of Revaan's name, somebody please tell me because I need to know what it is.
like, yes, it's probably just Revan/Levan, but look, I'm sitting here with my finger over the button of all these Laverne and Shirley jokes and just waiting for the opportunity to deploy them --
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#(not me realizing that meleanor doesn't actually appear non-silhouetted until part 5 so uhhhhh. whoops.)#(i know a bunch of you read the spoiler-tagged stuff though so i'm putting my life in your hands)#revan would be the funniest one i think because it's just raven but with the vowels switched and i'd be over here going WHAT COULD IT MEAN#anyway i'm here to give the people what they crave and it's obviously references to 70s american sitcoms that spun off of happy days#mork and grimdy. i-is that anything.#the problem of course is now that i might have to actually come up with a bunch of laverne and shirley jokes#when i haven't...actually watched it in a million years#(my personal pool of media i consumed growing up is a good 60% made up of random things i found to watch at 3 am because of insomnia)#(this probably explains a lot about me) (the opinions about zorro adaptations anyway)#hold on let me marathon all eight seasons and -- wait i'm just now finding out there was also an animated series#in which they joined the army and their sergeant was a literal cartoon pig but also they went to space and fought giant gorillas?#but how does boo boo kitty factor into this
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chuuya who drags dazai to every 24-hour store he can find to keep him company at night because dazai gets lonely with no one else awake but never says anything. chuuya figured it out after waking up three days in a row with 200+ messages from dazai ranging from midnight til 6am.
sometimes they don’t find a place and instead just sit on a bench, dazai playing games on his phone with chuuya watching from over his shoulder. dazai would never admit how grateful he is for these moments
#my writing#bungou stray dogs#soukoku#it’s two am rn#i live in a city so it’s dangerous to be out at night but sometimes i wish#dazai has severe insomnia canon doesn’t have to show me this#i think chuuya struggles with sleep as well but not to dazai’s extent#maybe on the anniversaries of traumatic events#like his birthday or rimbaud’s death or when he was betrayed by the sheep or when the flags died#bsd#dazai#chuuya
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Heeey... Hi... How's it been going, hahah... Me? Oh, yeah, I've been fine, just uh. Functionally dead and uh. Not having a g r e a t time-
Why?? Well. Let's make this as short as possible.
My October was completely full of school assignments and I was drowning
During fall break, my mom's cousin came over to our house and knocked a 48 inch hole in my bedroom wall in search of a water leak that didn't exist. It's a long story-
I discovered a professor that my brother was close to passed away. It hit me kinda hard and I haven't been feeling great
My car started having lots of issues. Shuddering, check engine light turning on, the whole works. Got it repaired, cost $1000
I'm stressed about the holiday season coming up 'cus I haven't shopped for anyone at all and I have to entertain family members that I might rather n o t (This is all without mentioning finals coming up)
So. U h. Yeah. Haven't been having the best time. B u t. It's fine, it's great. I'm actually getting therapy soon. :D And not occupational therapy, or physical therapy, since I GOT TO DO THOSE TOO-
N a h. It's the "getting a phone call at 9 in the freaking morning to confirm an appointment for behavioral health." W h o o p e e.
A h e m. Sorry. Anyway. I'm good. I'm fine. Have a picture of the Beast that I should have freaking done for chapter 38, but was too lazy and didn't get around to it. So, how have you guys been doing. Participated in Inktobertale and having a good time, I hope-
#undertale au#perseverance!au#reference sheet#Don't look at me like that#Yes; this may be my subtle way at announcing that I uploaded the next chapter#Because I am physically unable to make a post just solely announcing that#Fun fact; I drew this ref sheet when I could barely focus on anything after my covid shots#My emotions are an erratic pendulum alright; you don't understand#One moment; I'm great. Cracking jokes; being the maddest lad you've ever seen#The next I'm freaking dissociating; staring at my ceiling for 40 minutes straight#I also have not been sleeping much. If at all#But what else is new#Insomnia be like-#If I sound unenthusiastic about therapy it's because I am#I'm f i n e#The last therapist I had was basically just telling me “to pray about it” or actively ignored my invisible disabilities#Acted like I was just not trying hard enough or something#So to say I'm suspicious would be a fair assumption
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thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)
#thinking about how social media doesn’t really give you the chance to choose when you’re ready to engage with the news#like I think the most healthy thing is to decide when you’re in an okay place to sit down and deal with the news#but social media is just. constant whiplash bombardment. advertisement cat video people are dying guilt trip fashion tiktok moral dilemma#anyways. dealing with some chronic pain/gi/minor dysautonomia stuff#and it is looking like the cause is a mix of hypermobile joint issues#and the side effects of being chronically stressed out and anxious for. literally my entire life#as in night terrors as a kid insomnia since infancy panic attacks starting in middle school type chronic anxiety#turns out the body being switched into fight or flight mode Constantly does in fact. fuck things up a little bit#there’s only just starting to be research into this but from how my doc explained it my nervous system is a little bit. busted#ANYWAYS. not to overshare. point is chronic health issues caused by chronic stress equals I need to get off social media#and as a disclaimer I have been to therapy (a lot) and I am on anxiety meds but my body physically does not know how to chill out#so removing stressors it is
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late night cuddles
#coffee talk#hyde#gala#galahyde#hyde coffee talk#gala coffee talk#coffee talk game#art tag#you all are coming with me on the journey of learning how to draw them <3 enjoy#also did i go overboard with thr chest hair? maybe. i don’t regret it though he’s a werewolf let him be hairy#anyway i love that vampires in this universe dont have pointy ears yet here i am. because i cant control myself#i already hc’d that hyde was a cuddler when it comes to sleeping so it was nice of gala to confirm kt by compairing him to a cat thank you#they are just.. you give me a game with a vampire/werewolf bond im going to go bonkers over them .. chefs kiss#i like to think hyde is like a heavy sleeper because how else do vampires sleep for liek decades in coffins you know#i mean they probably dont in this game obviously but listen man shsjdkfk#and for gala i think he’s more of the opposite#because werewolves tend to be restless so just very light sleeper maybe even has insomnia too#overall i am rotating them so much in my brain .. like i just think theyre neat#also saw in the little pixle arts for the game that hyde has piercings as well ive never bene more happier in my life like YES.. YESSSSS
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back to my dreamcatcher posting bc TITLE TRACKS DON'T SUCK ANYMORE???? THE CONCEPT IS ACTUALLY GOOD AGAIN??? GOOD PROMO FOR A GOOD B SIDE??? i couldnt care less abt who wins an award at shows but i want them to win at least one show so that i can see their live encore even tho it is near impossible bc uh enhypen and newjeans
#EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU OLLOUNDER FOR KICKING EDENARY GUYS OUT OF THE STUDIO#AND THANK YOU TANKZZO FOR BEING REAL AND DOING ROCK PROPERLY#it's not that i think edenary by themselves suck i like them even tho i have problems with the way they produce#but they really don't fit dreamcatcher's sound and they think just writing high notes shows off the greatness of the vocalists#and not using the wide range of vocals (ehm like you do in ateez) is the worst way to downplay dreamcatcher (a group of 7 vocalists)#like they are mainly electropop and hiphop hybrid producers so even when they tried doing a rock title track#it ended up sounding like an anime intro in the most stereotypic way#bro istg i will scream if enhypen or nj wins bc not only do they sound bland as fuck LET ME HAVE ONE SINGLE ENCORE#sadly insomnia is not crazy enough and nor am i#dreamcatcher#deukae
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Look I have really bad insomnia and particularly over the past few weeks I've been stuck in exhaustion and polyphasic sleep, tell me why the day i was finally able to
1. Wake up at a reasonable time (9.30am)
2. Not accidentally take a nap during the day
3. Fall asleep at a regular time (~10pm)
My sister decided to call me at 12.30am not once, not twice but THREE TIMES ?? I answered on the 3rd, she said 'are you awake?' I said 'what the fuck, no' and she hangs up ???? IF I DIDNT PICK UP BEFORE WHY DID YOU KEEP RINGING
I am so upset because I seriously doubt ill be able to fall asleep again (currently 1.55am) and my chance at fixing my sleep in a way that isn't badly resetting the clock is gone
#this is not the first time its happened#my other sister once interrupted my normal sleep night by ringing me at 1am asking for a sewing needle#why cant they have problems when my sleep is fucked and i am awake ?#insomnia#sleep#sleep disorders
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Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!
#shut up pu#I"ve had problems with insomnia my whole life so I'm sadly used to this#it comes and it goes#and right now it's in the middle of a big angry come#what do you mean that wording is atrocious??#it gets the point across#ordered a new screen for the draw slab so I've at least been proactive in fixing the problem#the only other problem is I hate drawing on brand new fresh screens too lol bad finger feel#only the middle screen is good for both fingies and pens#anyway the parts of chapter 3 I really love are coming up over the horizon#part of me does wish I would have tweaked the pacing of chapter 3 a little when realizing the usual posting schedule wasn't going to work#after real life delays all butted into production time bc chapter 3 was still paced for the 2 - 3 pages a week schedule#reading it all at once it still carries that pacing but I do feel a bit bad about the way it has felt at once a week#very occasionally twice lol#but I'm just a stickler for pacing so it bothers me personally probably more than it bothers literally anyone#knowing what it's meant to feel like on the proper release schedule vs. the slower release schedule is largely my own problem#and I'm feeling that extra hard right now because I'm having to do prep work for designing and asseting a new set#which saves a huge amount of time in the long run but slows things down in the immediate now#aka: I want to draw characters and story wahhh why am I making set pieces#also hey where the fuck's that stupid fox at he's even in the story synopsis write up where is he#get in the story proper you piece of shit#hello I am sleep deprived and rambling about comic production how are you doing
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having no ability to regulate temperature is so fun like Yes i just stripped off a layer of clothes because I needed to stop sweating from my forehead, Yes I am now covered in goosebumps and shivering, Yes it will happen again as soon as I put my clothes back on
#physical autism stuff in general is so fun like i also can't sit in front of a fan without it feeling like it's blowing my fucking skin off#my parents sent me these sleep patches to help wi/insomnia & i cannot wear them because the adhesive pulls on my skin so much#those may also be overlap with EDS though lmfao. dies#x#when this happens at work/in public i just deal with awful sensory input until i am home yaaaay#it is truly a mystery as to why i have been in burnout for 4 years and only getting worse lol#also the raynaud's like these are all linked and i am so tired#i have to actively regulate my temp thru physical means and it feels like playing fishing in stardew valley#my body is like goldilocks went in the bear's house and they did not have a kid ksjdfnjsfhd
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brotherhood of sleepytired
#i feel like I’ve drawn them sleeping together (literally) a lot aha. it’s very endearing to me#bite of Avery lore for u. he actually does have pretty nyasty chronic insomnia#and I am a HUGE sucker for the trope ‘person a ordinarily can’t sleep worth shit but sleeps like a baby when person b is present’#fallout#paladin danse#sole survivor#ken's#autumn art#ask to tag#avery#it looks like Avery is gently caressing his tit….gotta support the boys….
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I overslept by a lot (like three hours!!) and everything is ABSOLUTELY FINE and there are NO CONSEQUENCES I'm facing as a result of that other than being better rested but I just cannot shake the feeling that I AM IN TROUBLE and i missed very many important things by oversleeping. The background anxiety static that's normally at a managed 2/10 is cranked up to 10/10 and I'm straining to hear anything else.
#bfr shut the bedroom door this morning when they got up which they NEVER do#i've got like three active infections but don't think of myself as 'sick' but i guess i am and need the rest#im normally a p light sleeper and have morning insomnia#i feel sooooo out of sorts#last day of antibiotics hooray!!!
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#jesus fuck almighty#my neighbor miraculously doesn’t sleep night or day and slams the door located in their apartment located directly behind my headboard#constantly#just when you think you have finally attained sleep again BOOM the earth shakes with the fury of a dying god#now that i’ve started banging on the wall in counterpoint tonight (lbr it’s MORNING)#after averaging 3h of sleep a night and torching my personal and professional relationships due to insomnia#my downstairs neighbor will probably destroy me n the morning#but i am ready to die now#you cannot touch me#i have entered the nether realm called No REM Sleep#…i used to wonder why my landlords always wanted to check our apartments for ‘holes in the walls’#like who the fuck is punching through drywall?#now i know#now i know on an intimate level the shitty things about this building’s construction that were going unsaid
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anyone else get so so tired.... of being tired......
#i am on the highest dose of wellbutrin (as a stimulant not as an anti depressant) u can be on without risking seizures#they dont want to give me anything else because i have severe insomnia which is fair since im taking 2 sleep medications also#but even when i get enough sleep i am so fucking tired#all the time! i tried adderall a few weeks ago and i was still so tired i had to just lay down all day
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wow cool i just Didnt Sleep for no discernible reason again. love it thx 💘
#rambles#hate that i always fall into a sleep schedule of some sort (not even necessarily a GOOD ONE) for a few days or even weeks#and then its ripped from my paws. as i am mercilessly reminded that i have insomnia#when will it enddddddddddd#(ill probably sleep at some point bc i always do but itll fuck everything up giving me an unfixably different sleep schedule)
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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