#is what i have said multiple times whenever link gets hurt on my screen

[doesrevali]

god FUCKING DAMN shut the FUCK U P LINK (caring)

[moiraineswife]

Autistic Allegories in Renarin’s Arc - Meta

s’up y’all, your favourite local rambler is back at it again. Diving straight in to this one. The motivation for this post is something that might be controversial, and I’m going to try and  explain it as clearly as I can and make my intentions clear, but I get this is the internet and things get misinterpreted to fuck. 

So, since Renarin was confirmed to be a queer character, I’ve seen a lot of posts and takes on pretty much every platform I frequent that equates all of Renarin’s traits/struggles in canon as being foreshadowing/parallels to his queer identity and experience. 

I get this. I’m also queer. I understand the instinct to take, say, Renarin’s corrupted spren bond and his desire to keep his nature as a Radiant hidden/his lack of understanding initially and assume it to be queer foreshadowing/parallel. I big get that. And that’s not a bad interpretation. 

The problem is, this is the ONLY interpretation people put forth. They ignore things explicitly said/connections made in canon to Renarin being autistic and say ‘this is it. this is what this means. it’s about him being gay’. When, actually, a good chunk of it is about his experience as an autistic man in an allistic society. Which I think is what Brandon wants to explore/has set up in the text. 

So I decided to look at this in more depth from an autistic perspective - some of the moments that most clearly parallel Renarin’s autistic experience and explain how and why this is a thing, and hopefully just highlight this aspect of his character and explain things to folks. 

Renarin’s Blade Screaming 

Jumping right into it then: Renarin’s bond with Glys is very clearly paralleled with his autism. The text outlines this connection multiple times throughout the series, and explores it in interesting ways. 

First up, Renarin first revealing himself as a Truthwatcher makes this pretty clear: 

“And the Shardblade,” Dalinar said, stepping over and taking his son by the shoulder. “You hear screams. That’s what happened to you in the arena. You couldn’t fight because of those shouts in your head from summoning the Blade. Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was me,” Renarin whispered. “My mind. But Glys, he says . . .” Renarin blinked. “Truthwatcher.” (WoR)

“Adolin,” he said softly. “I … um … I have to give you back the Shardblade you won for me.”

“Why?” Adolin said.

“It hurts to hold,” Renarin said. “It always has, to be honest. I thought it was just me, being strange. But it’s all of us.”

“Radiants, you mean.”

He nodded. (Oathbringer)

Renarin didn’t explain to his father or the others what was happening to him because he thought it was part of his autistic experience. 

Being autistic you get used to experiencing a lot of in-brain things and not realising that other people don’t experience them, too. I have hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear things other people don’t, because their brains naturally filter them out - like electronics whining. 

The experience of having a Shardblade scream inside your head is actually a pretty great parallel for sensory overload. It’s something intense, something frightening, and overwhelming, and even painful. But Renarin just endures it without comment because that’s what we’re conditioned to do. 

“A group of shellheads tried to seize one of the bridges, Brightlord,” the bridgeman said softly. “Brightlord Renarin insisted on going to help. Sir, we tried hard to dissuade him. Then, when he got near and summoned his Blade, he just kind of . . . stood there. We got him away, sir, but he’s been sitting on that rock ever since.”

[...]

“I just stood there,” Renarin said. “I wasn’t frozen because of my . . . ailment. I’m just a coward.”

When Adolin hears about Renarin freezing up he assumes that he had a fit. Renarin corrects him on this, once he’s verbal again, but says that he was just a coward. 

He froze up once he summoned his Blade. Because it would have started screaming in his head and this was overwhelming. When other Radiants have experienced this on-screen the screaming has been so intense they immediately dropped or dismissed the Blade, unable to hold it. 

From this, I infer that Renarin believes everyone experiences this when they fight with a Shardblade. He doesn’t realise that it’s strange for him because he’s a Radiant. He thinks everyone experiences it, but they push through and overcome it. He can’t, and instead of thinking something strange is going on, he assumes that it’s a weakness of his and that he’s a coward. 

This is a fairly common autistic experience. Why can’t you just get over this? Why is that overwhelming you? Just ignore the sound. Just ignore the lights. Stop being so weak/oversensitive. 

That’s what Renarin thinks is happening. That’s why he doesn’t examine his experiences more closely, and realise he’s a Radiant. He thinks it’s part of him being autistic, and that he’s just being overly sensitive, until Glys is able to communicate with him and explain he’s a Truthwatcher.

The Rhyshadium Don’t Fit

“They don’t fit, you know.”

“Don’t fit?”

“Ryshadium have stone hooves,” Renarin said, “stronger than ordinary horses’. Never need to be shod.”

“And that makes them not fit? I’d say that makes them fit better.…” Adolin eyed Renarin. “You mean ordinary horses, don’t you?”

Renarin blushed, then nodded. (Oathbringer)

This, for me, is one of the most direct and obvious parallel between Renarin’s experience as an autistic man, and his experience as a Radiant. 

Firstly, he comments on the Rhyshadium ‘not fitting’ with ordinary horses. They’re different. They have different hooves, which means they never need to be shod, like regular horses. In this case, being shod is something all horses do. It’s something natural for them, and the Rhyshadium not having it makes them stand out. This is similar to Renarin’s experience in society and in life. 

The Rhyshadium are sometimes called ‘the third shard’ - they’re tied to the Radiants and to Stormlight. Renarin aligning himself with them, and his not fittng with them not fitting, mirrors his being Radiant stopping him from fitting in as he wants to.

A big part of his arc is his desire to fit in somewhere. His integration with Bridge Four is a huge boost to his confidence. He asks to join them to try and find somewhere to belong. The bridgemen are outcasts. They’re people who don’t fit in society, either, for various different reasons. Renarin fits with them, therefore, because he doesn’t fit elsewhere. 

When he starts becoming a Radiant, and a different type of Radiant to the others, he starts to worry again. He worries that, yet again, he’s different for reasons he cannot control, and he’s worried the bridgemen will abandon or reject him as has happened frequently in noble society. 

“So why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m … not?”

Adolin gave him a flat stare.

Renarin dismissed the Blade. “I simply … Adolin, I was starting to fit in. With Bridge Four, with being a Shardbearer. Now, I’m in the darkness again. Father expects me to be a Radiant, so I can help him unite the world. But how am I supposed to learn?”

Adolin scratched his chin with his good hand. “Huh. I assumed that it just kind of came to you. It hasn’t?”

“Some has. But it … frightens me, Adolin.” He held up his hand, and it started to glow, wisps of Stormlight trailing off it, like smoke from a fire. “What if I hurt someone, or ruin things?”

The conversation continues, and further solidifies the connection between the Rhyshadium not fitting with other horses, and Renarin not fitting in with other people. 

He had become a Shardbearer, and was starting to fight and do what an Alethi man is expected to do in society. Go to war with Shards, with glory, etc etc etc. That didn’t quite work out. 

For Renarin, whenever he gets closer to assimilating with the standard society and expectations, something happens to stop him. Initially it’s his epilepsy. He has fits, and his chronic illness makes him generally weaker and more frail, meaning that he can’t fight. 

Once he’s given Shards to help mitigate those factors, he can’t use the Shards because his Radiant bond makes them scream inside his head. Again stopping him from fighting and becoming a soldier. 

He then goes on to tell Adolin that he doesn’t really know how to Radiant. And Adolin says that he thought it would just come to him/he would instinctively know, but he doesn’t. 

This is, again, a very classic autism thing. We struggle with doing things that allistic people find instinctive, and don’t need to be actively taught - such as reading and projecting the correct body language.

Adolin, who takes very naturally to all this stuff, just assumes that Renarin’s Radianting would just come to him, and Renarin has to explain that actually no, it hasn’t. This literally cannot get any clearer in forging an obvious link between his autism and his Radiant abilities. 

Renarin’s ‘Corrupted’ Bond: 

“What’s wrong with me?” Renarin asked. “Why do I see these things? I thought I was doing something right, with Glys, but somehow it’s all wrong.…” (Oathbringer)

[...]

“Does it strike you as cruel of fate, Father? My blood sickness gets healed, so I can finally be a soldier like I always wanted. But that same healing has given me another kind of fit. More dangerous than the other by far.” (Rhythm of War)

[...]

Lopen called out, asking Renarin to “look into the future and find out if I beat Huio at cards tomorrow.” It seemed a little crass to Dalinar, bringing up his son’s strange disorder, but Renarin took it with a chuckle.

[...]

It would be so much easier if he were like other Radiants. (RoW)

[...]

“And a blackness interfering, marring the beauty of the window. Like a sickness infecting both of you, at the edges.”

“Curious,” Dalinar said, looking where Renarin had pointed, though he’d see only empty air. “I wonder if we’ll ever know what that represents.”

“Oh, that one’s easy, Father,” Renarin said. “That’s me.”

“Renarin, I don’t think you should see yourself as—”

“You needn’t try to protect my ego, Father. When Glys and I bonded, we became … something new. We see the future. At first I was confused at my place—but I’ve come to understand. What I see interferes with Odium’s ability. Because I can see possibilities of the future, my knowledge changes what I will do. Therefore, his ability to see my future is obscured. Anyone close to me is difficult for him to read.”

“I find that comforting,” Dalinar said, putting his arm around Renarin’s shoulders. “Whatever you are, son, it’s a blessing. You might be a different kind of Radiant, but you’re Radiant all the same. You shouldn’t feel you need to hide this or your spren.”

Renarin ducked his head, embarrassed. His father knew not to touch him too quickly, too unexpectedly, so it wasn’t the arm around his shoulders. It was just that … well, Dalinar was so accustomed to being able to do whatever he wanted. He had written a storming book.

Renarin held no illusions that he would be similarly accepted. He and his father might be of similar rank, from the same family, but Renarin had never been able to navigate society like Dalinar did. True, his father at times “navigated” society like a chull marching through a crowd, but people got out of the way all the same.

Not for Renarin. The people of both Alethkar and Azir had thousands of years training them to fear and condemn anyone who claimed to be able to see the future. They weren’t going to put that aside easily, and particularly not for Renarin. (RoW)

Sorry for the quote barrage, but there was really  no other way to do this, and I think it makes a nice little arc in how Renarin sees himself and his bond to Glys and, by extension, his autism. 

In the temple, with Jasnah, he considers it to be something wrong. He’d thought he was finally fitting in, being like everyone else, doing something “right” but it turns out his bond is of Odium, and while he thought he fit with the others, he doesn’t. Again.

 The RoW segments are what’s most interesting to me, because what we see here, I think, is Dalinar experiencing Renarin’s ‘disorder’ as he calls it and processing it/coming to terms with it in a way a lot of parents approach their kids’ autism. But this is a bit more approachable/less painful to look at because he’s considering him being a weird glowing power ranger, and not an autistic kid. Easier to examine more honestly. 

So first of all Renarin, again, calls a direct link between his bond and his autism. The ‘healing’ that came with his bond gave him another kind of otherness. Another way he can’t be a soldier - which, for Renarin, in Alethi society, means him being like everyone else. I was going to go into this more here but this thing is already long as fuck, but in a nutshell being a soldier is Renarin’s dream because that’s him being “normal” and being like everyone else, which fate always conspires to stop him from being. 

In Alethi society the peak of masculinity and of fitting in to the social order, which revolves around war and glory and battle courage blah blah blah - is being a soldier and fighting. Which Renarin has never been able to do. Which his father has always wanted him to do - wihich Renarin knows. 

A lot of allistic people, especially allistic parents, think their autistic kids won’t pick up on their blatant ‘oh my god I wish my kid was normal’ vibes. They do. BELIEVE ME they do. This is a good little nod to that. Dalinar has never outright looked at Renarin and said ‘I want you to be a soldier to be worthy of my love and respect’ but it’s what Renarin grew up knowing and seeing from him. 

The evolution of that through exploring Dalinar’s attitude to Renarin being bonded with an Odium-aligned spren is...Utterly fascinating, to say the least.

Here, for example, Dalinar sees it as a “strange disorder”. When Renarin calls a spade a spade and just goes ‘yeah no that weird thing right there that makes you comfortable? That’s me, buddy, get used to it’. Which is just. Absolutely effervescent. There’s a big instinct allistic people have to dance around autistic people. So many innuendos. So many fluffy phrase that I hate. “On the spectrum.” “On the autism spectrum”. “Differently abled” “Sees the world differently.” Just call me autistic and let me move on with life I do not have time to deal with your internalised issues. 

He kind of comes around on it and gives him the whole “you might be a different Radiant but you’re still a Radiant to me, son”. Replace the word Radiant here with person and you’ll have a conversation I’ve experienced so many times. “Just because you’re a weird person doesn’t mean you’re not still a person!” Why thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed....Thank you for validating my humanity to my face?? As though I needed you to do that?

Contrast this with Renarin’s cheerful acceptance (ABSOLUTELY STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, HELL YES) - ‘yeah no that weird thing right there is me’. I cheered, dear reader, I CHEERED. It’s a little thing but it’s also a very very big thing. 

So is Lopen making light of things - in a way that laughs with Renarin and not at him - wanting him to predict the outcome of his card game. Renarin laughs at this, and is obviously comfortable with the jokes and the camaraderie. Dalinar winces at this and thinks that it shouldn’t be made fun of this way, that it’s crass or wrong, Renarin has a disorder, it makes him weird and delicate, people shouldn’t joke around him with that, it’s not right. But Renarin is comfortable with it, and the Bridgemen are comfortable with him, which Dalinar obviously isn’t - though I get that he’s trying to go there. 

Then, again, we draw a very direct parallel between Renarin’s Radiant experience othering him socially and autism othering a person socially. Absolutely exquisitely done mister sando, very nice indeed. 

Renarin notes that there are ways to go through society. It’s nice to be like Dalinar and have the clout to buck the expectations, and not do what you’re supposed to, and still get away with it. Isn’t that nice? Bitch wrote and published a book and he’s still seen as masculine and worthy of respect and being yielded too. 

Remember that Renarin can read and write as well - he learned so he could interpret his visions. But he hasn’t shared that with people. Because he knows that it won’t be accepted the way Dalinar was. 

Sanderson sets up this idea rather nicely in Oathbringer, actually, with the scribes meeting. 

Renarin glanced at his father. Dalinar responded with a raised fist.

He came so Renarin wouldn’t feel awkward, Shallan realized. It can’t be improper or feminine for the prince to be here if the storming Blackthorn decides to attend.

 This part has always made my heart happy. Because it’s not just about Dalinar validating Renarin’s societally ‘feminine’ tendencies - which he gets subtly bullied/mocked for during that meeting by one of the other women in attendance. It’s about all of his differences, it’s about Dalinar validating his autistic experience as well, and helping to fit him in to a society that continually rejects and ousts him. 

This idea evolves through RoW, however, with Renarin understanding that Dalinar can do things that he won’t be allowed to get away with. Dalinar isn’t so much breaking down barriers with Oathbringer as he is stomping through them because he has enough social privilege to do so, for the most part, unscathed. 

Renarin keeps his reading a secret because, even after what Dalinar has done, it’s not going to change things for most men, and certainly not him. 

Renarin has learned, throughout his life, that him being different is not going to break down any barriers. People are not going to change their world, or their worldview, for him and his differences. He knows that he has to adapt, and he knows that he won’t be afforded the same luxuries as others. 

He’s more comfortable with this now. He’s learning to be himself, and learning that the world won’t fit itself to him, he just has to do what he’s going to do anyway, and find the places where he fits, rather than trying to change the ones where he doesn’t. It’s actually a really beautiful little arc, and I’m strongly tempted to look at it in more depth at some point. Renarin and Dalinar’s dynamic is actually incredibly deep, layerd, and complex, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to look at for a while. HOWEVER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT. 

TL;DR: Renarin’s Radiant experience is a direct allegory and parallel to his autistic experience. This is explored and made blatant by canon repeatedly, throughout the series, and Renarin’s experience as a Radiant is clearly a vessel by which Sanderson intends to explore his autism. Stop erasing and ignoring this when you talk about Renarin and analyse his arc. His autism is as intrinsic to this as it is to identity. It’s part of him. Stop erasing it.

I’m not saying you can’t find parallels or comfort in Renarin’s arc as a queer person. I’m just saying you cannot look at it in isolation. As though the text is ONLY making a parallel between his queer identity and his bond. Because it’s very fucking blatantly not. His autism is obviously and canonically tied to his Radiant bond and this is something that MUST be noted whenever you talk about this aspect of Renarin’s character.

Note: if anyone has any questions or comments on this, I am happy to engage and to clarify what I meant/add further detail and supporting evidence for various different aspects. There’s only so much I can cover in one post! For my sanity as well as yours...But there’s absolutely more, and I’m happy to look at that as well.

[angryschnauzer]

Superior Specimen - Chapter 2

Summary: One night when you are following the Archaeology tag on instagram you stumbled across a fun looking dig… and an even more interesting Paleontologist who soon follows you back. Over the following weeks you start chatting and a friendship soon grows.

Relationship: AU Henry Cavill x Female Reader (No race or body shape mentioned)

Chapter 1, 

Warnings: Slow Burn, NSFW, 18+, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex

I do not operate a tag list, but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified whenever i post something new.

I don’t have a masterlist, but all my works are on AO3, link here. Usually i post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, and multichapters exclusively to AO3, but as this is my first henry story and its going to be a short series, i’ll post to both places.

Superior Specimen – Chapter 2

 You were thankful you were on the late shift the next day, you’d taken matters into your own hands again whilst in bed the night before, using your fingers and toys to make yourself cum again and again, each time images of Henry clouding your mind. Your stomach muscles ached from the amount of times you’d abused them with powerful orgasms, but it gave you a pleasant reminder as you trotted up the steps to the staff entrance of the museum.

 With your personal belongings secured in your locker, your name badge and security pass clipped to the chest of your blouse, you made your way through the building until you reached the main atrium… and stopped.

 To your surprise the place was packed, not just with visitors, but with staff setting out velvet ropes and areas to control the crowds. Squeezing past a large group of excited school kids and their teachers you finally made it to the desk, raising an eyebrow at your co-worker;

 “What’s going on?”

 “It’s that presentation today… you know, the new dig that found the new species of Theropod. They’re announcing the plans for the new installation in a few weeks, got most of the archaeologists that were on the Russian expedition here today too”

 “Oh… I had forgotten that was today” you were surprised at yourself for forgetting, it had after all been on the staff agenda for a couple of weeks. Your co-worker handed you a printout of the days schedule, and glancing down it you saw a few points for the preparation that hadn’t yet been crossed off; “Do they still need the handouts in the presentation space?”

 “Oh yeah… someone’ll need to run them up in a few minutes”

 “I’ll take them”

 “Great” your co-worker turned and smiled at more visitors that were heading towards the desk whilst you bent down and checked through the boxes of various leaflets and handouts that were stored under the desk, only hearing her as she spoke to whoever had arrived;

 “Dr Cavill, so good to see you back again”

 “Oh, you know, it’s good to be back in these old hallways, feels like home”

 You froze, you recognised that voice. Your co-worker tapped you on your shoulder;

 “Hey, get up here, I need to introduce you!” she said excitedly.

 Taking a deep breath you stood and turned, straightening your blouse as you watched Henry look at you and the realisation hit of who you were, he however managed to hide it well, just a faint blush dusting across his face as he held out a large hand to you;

 “It’s a pleasure to meet you”

 Taking it you tried not to smirk - or giggle, laugh, or cry - as you shook his hand, unable to get over how huge it was and how it practically swamped your own average sized one;

 “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Sir”

 Noticing how he seemed to suck one cheek in, as if biting it from the inside, he nodded to the box you had previously lifted onto the desk;

 “Everything sorted for the presentation?”

“Just need to get the handouts into the displays on the 3rd floor”

 “Here, let me carry that for you”

 As the pair of you walked up the main staircase beside each other, the crowds seem to part like a sea as Henry headed towards them, the heavy box of paper tucked under one arm as he carried it with ease. Once you reached the third floor he made straight for the presentation area, unclipping the velvet rope with his free hand and letting you pass, before hooking it back again behind the pair of you.

 In the quiet vestibule of the upper floor you could see where large screens hung from the ceiling, projectors in the roof rolling a series of slideshows of the dig and the finds, and plans for the new exhibition. He slid the box onto the table before turning, his hands on your hips as he pushed you against the wall, hidden from view. Without a word his lips were on yours and you were opening willingly as his tongue pushed against them, tasting you. His grip on your hips was gentle yet firm, and as he slid his hands up your torso his thumbs pressed against the underside of your breasts through your clothing, and yet the heat from them almost seared your skin. Your senses were bombarded by him, by his touch, by the feel of his hard body against you, by the rich warm tones of his aftershave.The arousal in you was already building, and as you involuntarily clenched your stomach muscles you let out a whimper causing Henry to pull away;

 “Are you ok? Was that too much too soon?”

 Resting a hand on the back of his neck you smiled at him;

 “No, not too much… but you’re turning me on and my stomach hurts from making myself come so many times last night thinking of you…”

 “Oh… well how about…”

 Suddenly he spun you 180º, his arms wrapping around your body before he splayed his huge hands out over your stomach, the heat of his palms soothing your aching muscles like a walking heat pad, holding you tight to his body as his lips brushed against your ear;

 “Can’t have you hurting Princess”

 “Hmmn, no we can’t”

 He pressed a series of light kisses to your earlobe and the side of your neck and you found yourself grinding your ass back against the growing bulge that was pressing against you. Clearing your throat your voice was quiet as you spoke;

 “You didn’t say you were attached to the Museum”

 “I’m sorry...” he slowly turned you until you were facing him; “I should have said from the start, I’m on the board of directors… it was wrong, but there you were, so damn beautiful, unbelievably smart… your comments on the digs feed helped with so many identifications, and then you get a job at the same museum…”

 “I guess it’s something we should probably talk about more, but I’m going to need to be getting back to my job soon, Sir”

 Henry let out a low growl at the use of 'Sir', pulling you flush with his body;

 “I’ll look forward to you calling me Sir outside of work soon”

 “Promises promises…”

 You grinned and kissed him again, before pulling away and glancing down, smirking when you saw the impressive swelling at the front of the khaki trousers;

 “You might need to calm down before the press sees you, Sir”

 He lightly swatted your ass, his handspan covering an entire buttcheek;

 “You get back to the desk, I’ll sort the handouts… call you later?”

 Nodding you grinned and turned the corner, ducking under the velvet rope and smiling to yourself as you returned to your duties.

 -

 The day had flown by and even on the late shift the Museum was busy right up to closing time, the front doors closed to stop any more visitors from entering, and you made an announcement over the public address system in multiple languages that any remaining visitors would need to leave within the following 30 minutes. Setting the handset back onto the cradle you sighed and sat down in the chair, your co-worker smiling at you;

 “A few of us are going for drinks after work, fancy coming?”

 With a smile you nodded;

 “Sounds good”

 At that moment you looked up and saw Henry descending the large staircase, surrounded by a group of VIP’s that had attended the presentation. They paused in the foyer under the Blue Whale skeleton that hung from the ceiling, whilst Henry approached your desk with a smile;

 “Afternoon Ladies, would you be able to arrange a cab for our group of VIP's? They have a booking for dinner”

 With a smile you nodded and dialled for the corporate booking line of Addison Lee, arranging for two 8-seater mini-buses to collect from the side street of the Museum. As you went through the details on the phone Henry made small talk with your colleague;

 “I hope the presentation didn’t make you lovely ladies too busy today?”

 “Not at all Dr Cavill, we had a huge number of people sign up for the newsletter release”

 He nodded;

 “We’ll arrange for a few of bottles of champers for your team today”

 She grinned and nodded to you;

 “Oh, we’re more Gin girl’s Dr Cavill, we’re hitting Soho tonight”

 He let out a low laugh as you hung up, sliding the requisition approval form across the desk;

 “If you could just sign the expense approval form, Sir”

 Signing the form, you watched as his hands moved slowly and surely, before handing the pen back to you;

 “Don’t get into too much trouble then Ladies”

 “Only a little bit…” you grinned.

 -

 Your evening had been fun. In the deep summer London heat the group of you had eaten outside a small street-food place before heading to a lively bar, and three double gin & tonic’s later you were standing on the patio as the sun started to set over the noisy city. Finishing your drink you announced you were heading home, one of your co-workers agreeing as you were both on shift tomorrow - although the late one - and said your goodbyes to everyone else.

 As you wove your way through the busy nightlife of Soho, you saw the taxi rank ahead and escorted your co-worker there, hailing her a cab as she giggled in her drunken state. Giving the driver her address as she crawled into the back seat, she insisted she would message you once home, and you were relieved you’d managed to snag a female cab driver for her. Turning and waving her off you smiled when you looked down the taxi rank and saw Henry surrounded by a group of somewhat inebriated VIP’s, trying to organise them but having little success. Seeing you he gave you puppy dog eyes and mouthed ‘help’, and you approached with a grin on your face;

 “Dr Cavill, was a lovely surprise Sir… you seem to be having a spot of trouble though…”

 The group surrounding him started to recognise you, having signed most of them in for their visit to the Museum earlier, and were greeted by a chorus of drunken hello’s. Henry called out over the top of the drunken rabble;

 “I’m trying to get them into cabs, but the cabs will only drop off at one place”

 “Leave it with me” you winked at him before whistling loudly with two fingers to get the crowd’s attention; “Where is everyone staying?”

 Through everyone talking at the same time you gathered that most were at The Dorchester, whilst some had opted for the Hilton at Marble Arch. You quickly started to herd the VIP’s into black cabs, speaking to the drivers and getting them to arrange with the valets at each hotel to have the fares billed to the VIP’s rooms.

 When the last cab pulled away Henry stood beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders;

 “That was amazing, you did in 5 minutes what I’d spent half an hour trying to do”

 Turning you realised you face was inches from his, and the kiss that followed was natural and tender, his hand straying to your hip where he pulled you flush with his body. 

 When you finally broke apart you both had huge grins plastered across your faces, his voice deep and rough;

 “Let me buy you a drink”

 “Just one… I’ve had a few already and actually have to work tomorrow”

 “Just the one” he promised, slipping his huge hand around yours, and you walked hand in hand to a nearby bar.

Chapter 3 >>>

[enternalempires]

A Surprise Visit

This is a Lukanette fic, with majority of fluff and a lil hurt. Hope you enjoy! Haven’t figured out how to use links yet but my Ao3 username is the same!

“Did you know,” Marinette said, twisting an ebony and silver ring around on her finger. It was one of Luka’s and she rarely, if ever, took it off. When he went off to college and moved to Lyon, a mere two hour train ride from Paris, he gave her a couple pieces of his jewelry, his favorite hoodie, a Jagged Stone t-shirt, and a promise of returning. “That I miss you?”

“Yeah, Melody, I know.” The Musician’s voice was clearly wistful despite. “I miss you too, more than you can imagine.”

“I think I can imagine it well enough,” She whispered back.

They were on a call, speakerphone allowing them to lay back on their separate balconies and star-gaze. The black spaces between the stars seems farther apart than usual, the moon more alone than before.

The distance felt longer than it was.

The days went by so slow, each hour lacking something and each night dragging on and missing a vital piece needed for good sleep. That wasn’t a piece, however, but a person— Luka. She wanted him closer, close enough to hold and laugh with and see that dopey smile he always had around her and blush at his sly comments and cheek-nuzzles after he kisses her forehead.

She misses the boy that, for the last couple of years, had become her best friend.

Alya was… supportive and an amazing friend but she just didn’t understand.

Luka did, though.

Whenever she needed someone to listen without judgement or without trying to solve her problems for her— to just listen, he was there. And when the musician needed someone to talk to him, to distract him from his thoughts and whatever was making his mind a too-heavy place to be, she was there for him.

He was her shoulder to cry on and who made her laugh and she was the same, holding him when his heart ached in his chest with memories it couldn’t forget.

They were each other’s rocks in an otherwise chaotic, always shifting tsunami of a life.

Marinette fully supported Luka following his dreams and going to college and getting a degree that will push him along and better his musical career— she just wished it didn’t hurt so much to be away from him.

She had half a school year left before her time in Lycee would be up and she’d be, coincidentally, going to the same university as him. It didn’t seem to come quick enough, though.

They were both busy. Luka had gigs with his new band called the Silver-hearts of Serpents, practice, and extracurricular activities and she had to work on her designs for anyone who commissioned MDC— the name on her website— and they both had schoolwork and classes to attend to so that meant  little to no time to catch up with each other during the day.

Thankful for being in the time zone, they tried to make it work and usually called before going to bed and when they woke up and texted in between classes or things that kept them on a constantly shifting schedule.

But it wasn’t the same as just being able to go across town and curl up into their favorite person’s arms and just sleep the weight of the day’s events away. It wasn’t the same as laughing when stranded in a heavy downpour because neither of them checked if it was going to rain. It wasn’t the same as chasing Andre’s Sweetheart Icecream around for half the day just to drop it from tripping over themselves seconds later even though neither of them believed in the magic behind it.

It just wasn’t the same.

It wasn’t fair either, Marinette decided, that the boy I fell in love with and who genuinely likes me back has to be so far away.

But she didn’t tell him that— not when she knew it would make Luka feel even guiltier for leaving. They were each other’s greatest support system and they always would be, and he didn’t like being gone when she was handling so much.

That so much being Alya unable to understand that Marinette simply didn’t like Adrien anymore— her falling for Luka and falling for him hard; falling for him in a way that felt deeper and closer than anything she ever did for her former crush— and still creating schemes to get them together, to the point where it was getting dangerous and rather ridiculous.

She had homework, exams coming up, commissions, hours needed to help her parent’s in the bakery, other hours dedicated to helping friends, and being Ladybug and the burden that came with the earrings (not that, to her knowledge, Luka knew about).

To top that off, she dealt with a lot more frustrating people at Lycee than she did at Dupont, including belligerent teenage boys who don’t understand the word no or respect boundaries.

So she really missed him.

So much so that it left her heart aching.

Only a couple months, she reminded herself. It would only be a couple more months till the summer. Till they would be at the same University (and sharing the same apartment— it’s less expensive and they always used to joke that they’d make great roommates with how often they spent over at the other’s place).

“Melody,” Luka said, voice deeper than before but just as smooth. “Did you fall asleep on me?”

“No,” Marinette yawned, covering her mouth with a small squeak as she curled up and turned towards her phone, squinting at the bright screen that showed his contact picture— dopey smile and all. “I just got lost in thought, sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby.” He reassured and she felt her mouth tug up into a warm smile. She loved when he called her that or his other pet names for her, it made her feel special. “But you sound tired and I know you have a test tomorrow morning, you should go to bed.”

“But Luka,” She whined. “I want to talk with you more. I really missed you today and, and I have more things that I want to tell you.”

“Come on, my Melody,” He coaxed and she pouted. He knew she’d do what he wanted when he used that stupid, attractive, comforting voice. It simply wasn’t fair. “Both of us are free tomorrow afternoon, remember? You’re only going to watch Kitty Section practice then going home and I only have my own practice to attend to. I’m sure we’ll be able to talk after.” Then his voice got softer. “I’ll always be here for you and I’ll always listen to what you have to say, but I don’t want to keep you up when that risks your grades and, more importantly, your health.”

“I hate it when you’re right,” Marinette grumbles, groggily getting up and moving over to her hatch where she easily slipped into her bed and snuggled under the covers. “Can you at least talk to me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course, beautiful.” Luka agreed, making a sleepy blush to climb her cheeks. “Anything in particular?”

“Just about things that make you happy.”

“Well, I know this one girl and she’s the most incredible person I ever met. She had amazing blue eyes and is a very talented fashion designer. Her smiles, man, her smiles make me melt and—”

“Luka,” Marinette giggles. “Not about me.”

“But you make me the happiest,” He protests.

“Sap,” She smiles, eyes closing as she laughs quietly one more time, head sinking into her pillow. “Can you… can you sing me something?”

“Mhm,” Luka hums and it’s not long before she’s falling asleep to the sound of her song, of the one he made for her.

That night she dreamt of two tattooed arms holding her and teal dyed, messy hair falling in front of aqua-blue eyes and woke up alone with tears staining her pillow— Tikki offered her a warm smile and a pat on the cheek but it didn’t seem to help the cold, lonely feeling in her chest.

* * *

The day had not been kind to Marinette.

She woke up with a headache, didn’t have enough time for a proper meal but remembered to grab a granola bar after Luka texted her and reminded her to eat, got a pretty bad bruise on her wrist from getting it slammed in a closing door, tripped multiple times, and managed to ruin her lecture’s notes with her coffee.

On the brightside she kept Luka’s hoodie clean— as today she decided to wear it over a simple white t-shirt and paired it with a black skater skirt, lace stockings, and combat books— and managed to not face-plant into anything by the time school ended and she was allowed to pack her things and start the walk to the boathouse to watch Kitty Section preform.

Since Luka was in college and lived too far away they had to find a new guitarist, just like Luka had to find new members to form a band.

Luckily Juleka mentioned Marc, Nathaniel’s boyfriend and the writer to his artist, played the guitar and was really good at it so within no time they were back to practicing and finding a new dynamic for the group.

Luka got lucky with some of his old friends and formed his new band which was just as good, if not better, than his old one but that was only due to a lot of extra practice and more opportunities to grow.

Axel was the band’s bassist, Bash was the drummer, Tyra was the back-up vocalist and keyboardist, and Luka was the guitarist, lead vocalist, and leader.

Marinette couldn’t wait until she could see them perform live. Luka had sent her videos and recordings of their music and songs or just of him singing or playing guitar but she knew first hand that nothing compared to seeing it in person.

And she knew that, either way, his band would be amazing.

“Marinette!” A soft voice called from behind her, making the young bluenette startle and turn slightly on the sidewalk to see who was calling her. It was Rose, a sweet smile on her lips and she tugs her girlfriend along.

As soon as her and Juleka catch up, Marinette tilts her head to the dark-haired girl’s silent greeting and drifts to the side so the couple wouldn’t have to awkwardly get out of the way.

“You’re watching us practice, right?” Rose asks. There’s an energetic bounce in her step that Marinette can’t help but to be suspicious of, and the slight smirk on Juleka’s lips don’t help.

“Yeah,” Marinette says, adjusting her purse to be in front of her as a group of obvious tourists cater to the side and almost crash into her, not wanting Tikki to get tossed around. “Do you know what you guys are playing yet? I heard Ivan mention something about revamping one of your original songs.”

“Oo!” The blonde giggles, wide eyes excited as she starts to rant about the different things her and Ivan were brainstorming earlier to improve their old work.

Her girlfriend nodded and added a couple quiet things here and there while Marinette listened, pilotely following along with the conversation and her mind strayed to Luka and thinking about what he was up to.

No doubt working on his own songs, hanging out with his band mates as they practice.

“Mylene is coming too,” Rose tells her and Marinette blinks back into reality, narrowly dodging a man skating with a yelped out apology. “So even if you won’t be alone, you’ll have company!”

“Uh,” She pauses, racking her brain to know if she missed something in the conversation. “Who’s going to watch the practice other than Mylene? Is Nate coming to support Marc?”

“Nate?” Her friend paused her skipping to let out an excited squeal. “Oh, you don’t know! Well—”

Juleka suddenly spun her girlfriend into her arms and pulled her into a kiss, causing Marinette to step away awkwardly but not retreat. Paris was a welcoming city and full of diverse and accepting people but there would always be that one jerk who had a problem with people loving other people and finding a problem if they happened to be the same gender— so she would keep a look out just in case someone wanted to cause a problem.

When the pair of girlfriends broke away a couple seconds later, Rose seemed too flustered to continue or even remember what she was saying and the bluenette laughed at how smug the blonde’s girlfriend looked.

A couple minutes went by filled with light banter between the couple and an amused Marinette refusing to join a side before the three of them got to the docs and made their way onto the boathouse.

“The rest of the band will be here soon and I want to be here when they do to ask Marc something,” Juleka says, a smirk just visible under the half of her face hidden by hair. “Can you do me a favor and grab me an extra sweater from Luka’s side of the room, Marinette? I started to keep some of my things in there when he left.”

“Uh, sure?” The bluenette nods, frowning slightly. “But didn’t he say not to—”

“Oh!” Rose suddenly bursts, whipping around to face her girlfriend. “That’s clever! You—”

And then they start kissing again and that’s Marinette’s cue to go.

She passes Anarka on the haul and gives her a friendly wave that the older woman returns with a wide smirk that she now knows her daughter inherited and quickly went below deck and crossed over to where Luka’s room was.

She grips her elbows with both hands, rocking on the balls of her feet with every step as she paces down the hallway, trying to hype herself up enough to actually go into his room.

It would be so… strange.

She was never in there without him being there before and it would be full of his things but the most important ones gone— the wall of guitar picks packed up and now put up in his apartment’s living room from what she saw from the video he sent, the little trinkets gone from the desk now bare, and his bed only having a bare mattress and the walls without postures or any pictures.

She doesn’t know how it would feel but she knows that it won’t be good, she knows it will make the empty ache in her heart stretch all the wider.

But now she’s in front of Luka’s door and she doesn’t have a choice.

Marinette took a deep breath and turned the hatch on the door, the metal giving a slight creak to it as she awkwardly used her bodyweight to open it, grumbling to herself as it hung heavily halfway open— not noticing the group of three that were holding their breath at her entry from the middle of the room— and one of the sleeves that were way too big for her got caught in one of the crooks on the edge.

“Aw,” Her brows furrowed and she pouted as she tried to tug the sleeve free, but of course the world was against her and she somehow made it worse. “Mr. Sleeve, I’ve had a really bad day, can you please just— ahah! Thank you!”

Freeing herself from the door, Marinette pulled the sleeves over her hands for better control of the jacket and twisted around to begin the search for Juleka’s sweater when she met a pair of vivid brown eyes— eyes she definitely wasn’t prepared for.

“Eek!” Squeaking and startled, the young heroine takes a stumbling step back and ends up falling onto her butt, skirt thankfully in place and with her wide, blue eyes traitorously filling with water.

“Oh my God, she fell!”

“Shit, Bash, you scared her!”

“Aw, that’s a cute skirt. Do you think she’d tell me where she got it?”

Came the voices of the three strangers that were now all focused on her, eyes pinned onto the girl that fell as she stared right back, a slow race of tears from the day’s stress finally snapping trailing down her cheeks.

“W-Who are you guys?” Marinette stammered out, mind reeling and anxiety having already taken hold of her even before she noticed the trio, just noticing the sting in her palms and the burning heat of the ripped open skin. “You, you shouldn’t be in here, this is a p-private room!”

“I’m Bash Vulcan,” The guy with vivid brown eyes— and the one who scared her— had slicked back blonde hair, a thick black sweatshirt, ripped skinny jeans with converse, and a shit-eating grin on his face as he offered her a hand up.

She refused and just remained on the floor, not trusting her legs to keep her up if she stood at the moment. Feeling extraordinarily pathetic, Marinette just couldn’t focus on anything besides her pounding heart. She defeated Akumas on a weekly basis but couldn’t handle a couple strangers?

It made her feel so weak.

And those stupid tears were still falling.

“Sorry this asshole scared you, he didn’t mean to. I’m Axel, by the way. Axel Jupiter?” The one who swore and reprimanded Bash gave her a sympathetic smile that she barely registered and waved at her, his light brown hair flopping in front of his face from where it reached his shoulders. He had a punk style to him— and he said his name like it was supposed to mean something.

Maybe it was.

Maybe on a good day or with a slightly calmer heart Marinettte would’ve placed who they are but she just came up blank. Blank and panicking.

The only girl in the Trio had a pixie cut that was a pastel green and a nose ring and anyone with eyes could tell that her style was gothic anad that she simply didn’t give a shit by the tilted smirk of her lips— that only deepened as she pointed to Marinette’s skirt and asked, “Where’d ya get it, girly? I’m Tyra Bellona, I guess since these idiots gave their last name too.”

Tyra. Axel. Bash.

They’re in Luka’s boathouse. They’re in Luka’s room. They’re in Luka’s band.

The Band.

Luka.

“L-Luka?” Marinette sniffled, wiping away her tears as she sat up and winced at the way her palms stung, the broken skin and forming scabs still tender. “Why are you guys here without Luka?” She asked, using the hatch’s edge to pull herself into a standing position.

It was Bash’s turn to look suspicious and he stepped closer and pointed his finger at her, eyebrows raised, “Everyone was supposed to know why and where. So who are you, huh? Whatcha doin’ here? Are you some crazy fangirl that snuck on board?”

“What?” The young heroine swiped at her tears again, voice slightly croaky as she took a shaky step back. “N-no! I’m not a fangirl! I was getting a sweatshirt for Juleka and—”

“I smell lies! What’s your name? Don’t lie. I can smell them. I can.”

“Man,” Axel throws something at the back of Bash’s head, making his bandmate back up. “Leave the girl alone, you prick. Look at her jacket? Look familiar?”

Tyra and Bash looked her up and down, the gothic chick laughing after a second before she shoves the latter in the shoulder with a cocky look playing on her features, “Just wait until Couffaine finds out you made his girl cry, Vulcan. I can’t wait to see him flip his shit.”

“Wait,” Marinette drew the attention back to herself. “Luka is here?”

“Aw, he didn’t tell her,” Bash snickered making Axel hit his gut before gesturing to the other door that leads back to the deck but on Juleka’s side, and explaining how Luka snuck up there thinking that ‘his melody’ wasn’t there yet and wanting to make sure that his demon of a sister didn’t get too smug and spill the beans.

Marinette tiredly, but with excitement running through her veins, dashed back through the hatch door— being quickly followed by the bandmates, because who would want to miss the drama?— and ran all the way up to the deck.

Anarka laughed whole-heartedly as she passed and yelled out, “Go get ‘em, lass!” that had her blushing up to her ears but she was simply too happy to care.

Luka was here! In hugging distance!

And the jerk didn’t even tell her!

She saw Luka sitting on the couch, his guitar next to him and his leg bouncing with nervous energy. He ran his hand through his hair and tugged, an anxious look on his face as he talks to Rose about something, eyes closed as he grumbled.

Which was perfect because he didn’t even see Marinette and didn’t get the choice until she was throwing herself on top of him, legs on either side of his and knees tucked into his hips as she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his neck.

“Oomph!” Luka let out a loud breath, eyes flying open at the abrupt weight settled onto his person but then softening as he saw the girl in his lap, his arms coming around her and holding her to him just as tight— his nose nudging the top of her head as he took in her scent of chocolate cookies and vanilla. “Melody?”

Rose was squealing somewhere in the background while Juleka and Bash snickered, Axel cooing at them while Tyra complained about the disgusting gooey-ness but all of that lended into the background.

All that mattered was the two of them— the fact that they were here, in the same space, breathing each other in, holding onto the other as tightly as they could.

All that mattered was them.

Not Juleka’s scheming falling into place, not Rose’s excited chatter or how smug his mom had been or how horrible the day had been leading up to this point. Just her and just him.

“No,” Marinette mumbled, flexing her arms around him as she fully relaxed into him. “You don’t get to talk. You might forget to tell me something very, very important. Like, I don’t know, coming back to Paris?”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Luka nuzzled his hand against her hip, rubbing his thumb in circles as he mumbled into her hair. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I missed you,” She replied, forgiveness in her tone. “But let me be prepared next time.”

“I will,” He kissed her forehead, putting the tiniest amount of space between them. “And you know I missed you too, right?”

She shook her head.

“Liar,” Luka tapped his fingers on her sides and dug them in a bit, tickling her and making Marinette giggle loudly as she still refused to move away from him. “You just gonna stay there, baby?”

“Mhm,” The young heroine hummed, placing a light kiss onto the edge of his jaw.

“Did you meet everyone already?” He asked. “Assuming that’s how you found out I was here— seeing them, I mean?”

“She met us,” Tyra cut in, a cackle in her voice that doesn’t go unnoticed. “Vulcan made her cry and scared her, she fell down and hurt her hands I think.”

“He also then got all up in your girl’s face and accused her of being a crazy fangirl.” Axel oh-so-helpfully replied.

“Traitors!”

“Bash.”

“Oh, fuck.” The aforementioned boy squeaks out at Luka’s growl. “Dude, I am so sorry, I didn’t know she was—”

“We’ll talk later about it,” Luka brushed him off— which, coming from a Couffaine, is never good as they are people who like to be blunt and solve issues as soon as possible. To delay it means that, well, you screwed up majorly. “Melody, let me see your hands.”

“No.” Marinette grumbles, earning laughs from Tyra and his sister, who the guitarist quickly flips off. “I’m comfortable and it’s just scraped and I missed you.”

“Good luck getting her off in the next hour,” Juleka said, her hair pushed out of her face so when the young heroine peeked out from his neck she could see a sly smile spreading across her features. “Marinette’s been whining about not seeing you for weeks and she’s as stubborn as they come.”

Marinette flips her off, too.

“Aw!” Rose giggles, bouncing on her toes. “You’re becoming a real Boat Kid, Mari! They’re all adorably crass like that!”

“Says you, Rose,” She shot back. “I’ve known you for years and you’ve always sworn like a sailor so it was no surprise to me that you started dating one.” This got laughs from Axel and Luka, the latter’s chuckles she could feel in her own chest.

“Hey,” Juleka said, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend. “Leave my Manic Unicorn alone, it’s cute that her favorite word is fuck.”

“I watched your Manic Unicorn swear out a teacher when we were seven.”

“I genuinely would’ve paid to see that.”

“Oh!” Rose squealed, a soft expression on her face. “I remember that, she was so rude! Mrs. Palanchi never did anything about the girls who bullied Mari. It made me cry.”

“Aw, it’s okay. Marinette can’t get bothered by them now,” Juleka patted her head and blew a raspberry onto her cheek that had her girlfriend’s sullen expression go all giddy again.

After knowing Rose for so many years, she knew the blondie was a walking mood-whiplash, so she wasn’t really surprised.

“Wait, wait,” Azel held up a hand, drawing attention as his eyebrows pinched together. “Your girl’s name is Marinette? I thought it was Melody!”

“Nope,” The young heroine says. “It’s Marinette, you can call me Mari though. Rockstar here just calls me Melody.”

“Well then it’s nice to meet you, Marinette.” Axel did a playful bow, reminding her of a different boy in black. “This prick was always shy about the details even when he could go on and on for literal hours about you. Where’d you meet?”

“Erm…”

What was an appropriate way to say ‘his room because I was having a breakdown over a different guy that I was in love with and we sort of just clicked from there after he teased me about my stutter’?

“Jules had her over to watch the band practice,” Luka, thankfully, cut in— probably having felt her body tense slightly. “We became friends after that and just got closer since then.”

Not as close as she wanted, as she’d rather be a girlfriend than best friend but this was Luka and she’d take as much as him as she could and love it until she didn’t know how to anymore.

“When did you guys start dating?” Tyra asks, popping the gum that she just put into her mouth. “Couple years, right?”

Luka’s silent for a painfully long second before informing, “We’re not dating.”

Someone Marinette doesn’t see who but would take a wild guess that it’s Bash as he starts choking on the water he had been trying to swallow and the other two bandmates start protesting their confusion.

Sometimes she questioned if Luka still liked her— but Marinette had her fair share in experiencing unrequited feelings and she knows that this is not what that looks like— and it’s times like these that she hopes against hope that he likes her as much as she likes him because she fell and she fell hard and she can’t be the only one who fell.

Not again, not this time.

Not with him.

The next hour passes by in a breeze. Mylene and Ivan show up with Marc and soon Kitty Section is practicing, the other band handing out advice and compliments where they’re earned and Anarka drifting off to an unknown place to let the teenagers ‘cause mayhem as they please’.

Ivan and Mylene left early for a double date they had been planning with Alya and Nino and somehow they managed to convince Marc to drag Nate along so it was a group date.

Eventually everyone settled down into a circle around eight at night, having eaten and caught up or got to know each other better.

Marinette learned that Tyra was a little snarky but overall entertaining in the way she so passionately hated everything but loved to mess with Bash— Bash himself was a bit of an idiot but a goofball and it made him loveable enough to forgive the scabs on her palms (Luka didn’t agree with this). Axel was Luka’s best friend and he was a generally sane person but he was fiercely competitive and loved to cause arguments.

It was the most fun the young heroine had in a while and the boy she loved was by her side, so what could go wrong?

“Let’s play Truth or Dare,” Rose giggled, turning to Juleka with wide, puppy-dog eyes. “Oh, please! Can we?”

And like the lovesick fool Jules was she gave in.

Marinette knew something was either going to go wrong or horribly embarrassing from her by the wicked gleam in the purple haired girl’s eyes and, not even five minutes later (and after Bash was dared to drink hotdog juice), Luka got a dare.

Do Seven Minutes in Heaven with ‘his Melody’.

Stupid Juleka.

But also thank you Juleka.

Which— after making sure it was okay with her— he agreed to so it was safe to say all her nerves were on fire. And it absolutely didn’t help that Tyra snarkingly called out, “If you start bumping uglies, put on a sock on the door.” after them.

“One of these days,” Luka sighed out as he closed his bedroom door behind them. “I’m really going to kill my sister.”

“I’ll help,” Marinette giggled at her, though her face was still a burning red at what Tyra had insinuated— which they, of course, wouldn’t be doing.

“So,” He said and her smile widened at his semi-awkward tone, her hands bracing herself against the hatch as she watched the musician sit on his bed, twisting the bracelet on his wrist. “What now?”

She wouldn’t say it was entertaining watching Luka be so nervous but it definitely wasn’t something she saw very often so it definitely was amusing in some sense of the word. Usually she was the awkward one who didn’t know what to do with herself, not him.

“What?” She raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know how to play?”

Luka gave her a flat look, “I’m in University now. Of course I know how to play seven minutes in heaven.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Baby…” He sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, because I do want to kiss you, I just— I don’t think… fuck, this is why I have my guitar.” He grumbled. “Words are not my thing.”

“That’s okay,” Marinette smiles at him, tugging his jacket’s sleeves down further her arms. “I mean, you’ve seen my stammering. We’ll just not be good with words together.”

“Together?” Luka questions, a slight quirk to his lips as his head tilted, teal hair obscuring his eyes.

“Mhm,” She nods. “Together. You and me.”

“I like the sound of that,” He smirks back at her, reaching slightly to tug her forward, the young heroine now standing between his legs. “You asked if I knew how to play— it’s my turn for the question. Want me to teach you how?”

“And you say you’re not good with words,” She sasses, a giggle falling from her mouth as Luka rolls his eyes and takes her chin into his hand, dragging her face down so they are eye-level, both of their eyes closing, and kisses her.

It’s not a heated kiss, not one that had Marinette’s heart racing but… it was one that made something slot into place in her mind, like something was missing before but finally found its way home.

As his mouth moved against hers, she leaned into his touch, hands fluttering through his hair and tugging as the strands, his own moving to cup the back of her neck and to the side of her jaw, angling her head for better access.

The emotions spilled out between them; the love they kept tucked into their sleeves, the joy, the passion and overwhelming amount of just… feeling safe and comfortable with each other.

It was by no means a kiss without soul.

Luka would go back to his university and she’d be stuck here for another month, their lives were so different and they were busy. Marinette had the responsibilities with the Miraculous and he had his band and they both had classes and a future neither could write out a solid plan for no matter how hard they tried.

So maybe it wasn’t the best timing, maybe it wasn’t the best situation or the best reason to kiss or the best way they could have gotten together, by a surprise visit nonetheless— but they were together.

And, at the end of the day, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

[katierosefun]

creator tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works! 

thank you @kckenobi​ and @pandora15 for the tag!! <3 so here are the works, in no particular order and also oh gee i am so sorry this got so painfully long you can tell i’m procrastinating on my final + also i just tend to run my mouth when im talking about writing asdffd

to these memories (After Darth Sidious is defeated, everything changes. Some for the better, others not so much. Mostly better though. (Or: Anakin becomes a dad. Rex rehabilitates clone troopers who no longer want to be a part of the army. Ahsoka gets a call from an old friend. And maybe Obi-Wan finds out it’s not just his enemies who don’t stay dead. Basically, everyone gets the happy ending they deserve.)

so this was my first major longform tcw fic, and i just. i have a lot of feelings about this fic, mostly nostalgia and lots of gratefulness. first of all, i think i met a lot of super cool people through this fic, and i also? just? idk, this was a major project that i kind of worked on to cope with post-tcw sadness + also just. general sadness about the world’s situation. writing this story was actually super healing for me, mostly because i just. really wanted to have something where happy endings existed. 

so this really...was an experience, and i’m so super grateful for everyone who read along. to this day, whenever i get a comment about this fic, i feel super happy because it makes me feel glad to know that there were some people who took comfort in this work, because i really wanted this fic to have that kind of effect on people. :’) 

there they are (Right before Ahsoka leaves for Mandalore, Rex distracts Bo-Katan so she could give her family a proper goodbye. (There's hugging. We just needed our trio to hug.)

i think this was one of my first tcw fics of 2020, and. i just remember impulse writing this after watching old friends not forgotten because i was just. so sad that we didn’t get an anakin and ahsoka hug or a trio hug or anything. i understand why they didn’t--like, i really, really do, but. but i think if there’s a theme i’m going through this year, it’s ‘this was sad, so i’m gonna make it happy!!!’, so...as my masterlist puts it, ‘dave filoni said no trio hug, so i said fine, i’ll do it’. 

uhhhhh, how very unusual of me, but!!! probably my working on a new original story. i’ve got the fourth draft of another story siting in the background, but. this other story idea came at me, and five outlines later, i started this story. i’m about three chapters down now, but. a snippet of the prologue: 

“Well…it’s also a rather important story,” Rosalind said. “Do you enjoy stories?”

“I want to be a writer,” I blurted, and I stopped at that. I fiddled with my mug, heat that had nothing to do with the hot chocolate or the fire rushing to my face. Silly, oversharing me—oh, what a young, lonely child I was back then. So desperate for conversation that I had grown out of practice and resorted to sharing details that the average stranger would not care for.

But then again, these were not the average strangers—although I’m sure you’ve figured that for yourself.

“Yes,” I said meekly. “I enjoy stories.”

“Well,” Dae said after some time, “it’s good that you’re a writer.”

I lifted my head, and this time, I saw Dae and Rosalind smile at each other. A softer smile, one that made me feel suddenly dreadfully, dreadfully lonely.

“You might want to write this down,” Rosalind said at last. 

And so I did. 

*and cue the actual story* i won’t say too much because adsfsdfsfd talking about my original work makes me feel awkward + also i am constantly in fear of people stealing ideas even though,,,even though i know the only person who can write this story is me, anyways, but uh. i will say that i have a plan for a five-part series that’s basically about a witch and a princess. there’s a prophecy in the background. there’s magic. there’s rivals to friends to enemies to lovers. there’s father figures + big sister figures + found family + ancient kingdoms + the real world blending with the fantasy world + uh i’ve said enough okeee bye that’s it

the moment was enough (The war ends. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan try to work things out since the last time they actually saw each other.) 

it had been a long while since i had written anything that was really just about ahsoka and obi-wan, but. i think everyone knows that i really love my grandpadawan and grandmaster duo? idk, this fic really made me feel things because i was thinking a lot about how obi-wan and ahsoka had left things. i wanted to make it pretty clear that they both clearly care about each other a lot, but like. also. there’s still some hurt there. i just had so much fun writing this, because obi-wan and ahsoka are such an underrated duo and i love them :’) 

loose stitches (The discovery and aftermath of Maul. Anakin and Ahsoka find themselves pacing in front of the Council chambers multiple times. They might have taken Obi-Wan to Dex’s. Something might have unraveled, only to be stitched back together.) 

kasey before you say anything pls know that i would talk about this fic until literally the day i die i am sorry if i am making you feel self-conscious--but anyways this was a collab with the ever-talented, ever-wonderful @kckenobi. so uh, quick story which mayhaps i might not have told anyone before, but whatever, i’m listening to evermore and therefore have no choice but to be emotional huh--this fic was like...one of the first collabs i’ve ever done? in general, collaborations were always something that made me nervous because it required lots of vulnerability and honesty, and there’s a side of me that’s very obsessed with having this image of Neat Writer Who Has Coherent Thoughts (which,,,doesn’t even exist so why was i obsessed? no idea). so that said, this collab was just. so wild + wonderful because it really was, first of all, such a cool, magical experience. there’s something so amazing and insane about passing words back and forth and like, even a screen apart, there’s something magical about like. sitting down at a laptop at the end of the day and feeling like you’re about to step into a portal where it’s just two people trying to spin a story. writing with kasey was just such a wonderful, absolutely magical experience, and i’m really glad that we got to write this story + the many more that we did. just. there’s something really personal and beautiful about writing until 1, 2, 3 am when the world’s asleep. anyways. magical. 

asdfsdfd i’m very sorry that this got so incredibly long, but!! that said, 2020 was a hard year for lots of different reasons both personally + because of *gestures at the world* but. like. i’m really, really glad that i got back to writing clone wars fic this year, because i’ve met so many wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people here, and. yeah. y’all are my serotonin suppliers, and i do refer to a lot of people here as ‘oh yeah, my friend and i were talking the other day about...’ and ‘why are you smiling?’ ‘oh, just something a friend said--’ and. yeah. i hope y’all have a wonderful, wonderful rest of the year + also a wonderful life because y’all are simply the best :’)) 

no-pressure tags: @lightasthesun @meandmyechoes @soplantyourownflowers @ilonga @sonderwalker @mytardisisparked @60sec400 and really, honestly, anyone else who wants to!!! <333 (like. i mean it. literally. just tag me and lemme scream encouragements at you.)

[ichigo-kamome]

Start Over - Imagine Dragons - Sakuatsu One Shot

Okay HI GUYS so first post

(wow how cool)

I wanted to do a little writing exercise and shuffle a playlist I really enjoy and then write for characters based on the song. So, Start Over by Imagine Dragons was my first song <3 here’s a link to the song!! https://open.spotify.com/track/2Iug43iQrHN8CbGsUd2tEt?si=CrDSFtEpRKe1UkYojJwWiQ&dl_branch=1

This is just going to be a quick one shot because I can only listen to a song on repeat so many times before wanting to scream, so it stops whenever I get annoyed of the song :) ig this is angst with like a good ending? IDEK HAHA BUT ENJOY!! 

oh and there is a bit of language in this? :,D also I didn’t edit this because I didn’t have time to so my apologies for unintentional grammar mistakes and misspellings! :,>

The plane was filled with hardly any noise at all, but in Atsumu’s mind there was a storm of noise, emotion, and words. So many words. Words he was told, words he said, words he shouldn’t have said, words he should have said. 

Actions. Ones he did take, ones he didn’t take, all of them ran through his mind faster than the plane was soaring in the air. The silence around him felt entirely deafening, and there was nothing he could do in this moment but sit there and replay the memories of the past night.

He was more than aware that he had royally messed up. Sakusa Kyoomi had informed him of that. Yet, his own ego rendered him completely blind the moment he heard such words.

“You care so much about appearances, yet you refuse to work on your own. Becoming a better version of yourself on the court is something you’re more than willing to do, but outside of that? Where the public eye is blind to? Well, so are you.”

Those words replayed countless times, echoing off walls and coming back to him. It was all he could think about. How he had done Omi wrong, and how all he wanted to do was fix their situation. 

However, that wasn’t exactly possible in the present situation. 

Miya Atsumu was on an airplane with no cell service, and he would be stuck there for multiple hours. It felt like hell, having to sit there for so long with his own thoughts and the words that he heard last night. The words that were true. Then again, it wasn’t all a bad thing that he had to reflect on the situation. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi was also left alone with his own thoughts, emotions, the words that were spoken last night. This odd feeling of the presence and absence of regret plagued him in his isolation. He knew that what he said needed to get to Atsumu in some way. 

Lately, the setter had been so concerned with who he was on the court that he had forgotten to examine his character off the court. Of course, this led to mistakes, apologies, more mistakes, more apologies, an endless cycle of hurting those around him, and Sakusa left alone many nights in which he shouldn’t have been. The pain he felt wasn’t sharp, however. It was more of a dull, emotionless pain that caused him to feel somewhat repulsed.

“Ya shouldn’t be hangin’ around someone who makes you feel like trash, right? So, I’ll do the honors and kindly fuck off for a while. See how ya like it, Omi.” He still was dumbfounded by those words. He knew Miya to be someone who would sometimes speak first without fully evaluating how it would effect the other party, but he didn’t realize just what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of those comments. 

Sakusa and Atsumu had a relatively healthy relationship. Of course, they had their disagreements, but there had never been an explicit moment in which Sakusa could remember that Miya would have the chance to lash out so harshly.

That’s a good thing, at least. It’s only happened once. He thought.

But, how long until it happens again? 

Omi felt his heart sink and he sighed, trying not to think too much about that right now.

What if there isn’t an “again”?

---

Again. A word Sakusa didn’t seem to be fond of in the recent weeks. Atsumu had always made the same mistakes, again. He had always been out too late with other people, again. He had always come home the next morning, again. Apologized, again. Said he’s never do it, again.

But now, the word had new meaning. If there was no again for Atsumu to hurt him, would that mean that he had moved on? Would that mean his leaving was final and there wouldn’t be any risk to get hurt again?

There was always a risk to get hurt. Sakusa knew that full well. And, he knew there was a risk to get hurt repeatedly. However, if there was no risk, that meant there was no Atsumu. While he didn’t like risk, he didn’t like the idea of never being able to say “I love you,” again to his best friend.

Miya Atsumu had been gone for a couple weeks for training in another country. He had been so far, and yet all he wanted to do was go back home to the people he cared about. 

He had messed up so many times. He had his “fall” and realized he sure as hell didn’t like how lonely it was on the bottom. The people he had neglected to care about recently weren’t there, and everything that came along with promise was so far from that. He didn’t want to be there and longer, and knew he had to change his habits and lifestyle outside of the court to better himself and lend more towards those he truly cared for. 

One of those people being Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

God, I need to call him before my flight back home, was all he could think. He was sitting in the airport with less than 5 minutes until he was to board. I have time, he thought. 

He grabbed his phone and dialed Sakusa’s number by instinct. Omi <3 read the contact. He hesitated only slightly. Maybe this is better to settle in person. A phone call isn’t the best way to discuss this, especially when I only have so much time.

He sucked in a deep breath. There was no way he could do this properly

“But, I hafta at least try.”

One ring. 

Two rings.

Three. 

Damn, Omi, pick up...

Four

Five.

“Hello?” He heard at last. 

“OMI!” Atsumu practically shouted in the middle of the air port. People turned their heads towards him dramatically, some looking aggravated, some confused, some about to laugh. He didn’t care. The noise in his mind had already been that loud, so he had hardly noticed the stark contrast when he spoke at such a loud volume.

“Ow, okay, no need to shout. It’s a phone call, I’m right here. Why did you call?” Omi said monotonously. Atsumu felt a cold shiver run down his spine, and all at once he wanted to hit the large red button on his phone screen and pretend he never called and their argument never happened and everything was okay. However, that would get them nowhere. That’s not what Atsumu wanted.

“Heya, uhm, I don’t exacly have a lot of time?”

“Mm. Figures.”

“But all I’ve been able ta think about lately is how ya were so right.”

Sakusa Kiyoomi wished he had been recording this call, because he might not ever hear those words again. Before, it was always ‘I was wrong,’ never, ‘you were right.’

“And I’ve been treatin’ like so much less than ya deserve. Yer one of my favorite people, Omi, and I have don’t nothin to show that ta ya.”

Silence for the first time in two weeks.

“I wanna do better by ya. And, I don’t have a lot of time ta get into details because I board the plane shortly... and I don’t expect an immediate answer from ya, but, can try again?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t push your luck, you heard me the first time. Get home safely.”

“Oh. And, of course, we can talk more about it later and everything, because I still have a lot ta say and I wanna hear what you hafta say too because what you wanna say is important to me an-”

“Miya?”

“Yes?” he sucked in a breath, holding it in the absence of conversation.

A pause.

“Get home safely. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Yeah, you got it. Me too.”

“Goodbye. See you soon.” A beep.

“Bye, Omi. Cya soon.”

[solalunar-eclipse]

Scars You Can’t See - Chapter 5

Chapter title: Ready to explode

Word count: about 3800 words (whoa)

Author’s Note: I think it’s about time I gave a shoutout to @teamxdark! Their comments have gotten me to start planning out some of the later chapters (and giving me a lot of inspiration), so I figured they deserved some credit!

And thank you to everyone who’s read this fic so far- every note I get is incredible and I hope you’re all enjoying the ride :)

First | Previous | Next

Sonic stared blankly at his phone screen for the fifth time this morning. The old texts and the name at the top of the messaging app blurred slightly as his eyes unfocused. He was waiting for...something. What, he wasn’t sure.

That was a lie.

Truthfully, he was hoping that the three little dots showing that someone was typing would appear like a miracle. He knew that wouldn’t happen, though. The hedgehog on the other end of the messages had turned off his phone entirely. Heck, Shadow was literally in hiding. There had been exactly one post on Chatter (which he and Tails totally hadn’t read over and over searching for hidden messages) and that was from Omega.

But chaos, how Sonic wished for just five minutes to talk to him. He hadn’t even realized before now how much he normally texted the hybrid in a day. The hero honestly just messaged whenever he saw something or found a funny joke that he thought Shadow would like. In dealing with his new absence, though, Sonic had come up with an idea to write down whatever it was he’d seen that he figured Shadow would enjoy and save it for later.

He was forced to stop this when he wrote nearly two thousand words’ worth of moments in half an hour.

Sonic cursed all the times he’d taken Shadow’s near-constant presence for granted. The hybrid had always been a punctual texter, despite Rouge’s repeated attempts to convince him that he didn’t have to answer right away. Even when the other hedgehog had been off on a mission, Sonic still had an idea of how long he needed to wait before he could start texting. But now, it could be days, weeks, or even months before he could talk to Shadow freely again.

What if you’ll never hear from him again? a nasty inner voice whispered. What if that call was the last time you got to hear his voice?

Sonic felt his stomach fall through the floor at that idea, before swallowing the sensation and shaking his head. He couldn’t doubt Team Dark like that! They were guaranteed to pull through, and kick G.U.N.’s butt in the process.

Speaking of which…

The hero was pretty angry at G.U.N., and that was actually a big deal for him. Sonic didn’t get angry, except sometimes at Eggman. Even when a bitter detractor had posted a lengthy essay on Chatter explaining exactly why Sonic was (supposedly) a terrible person, he hadn’t reacted in fury- or even close. He’d had his friends’ support, and honestly? He’d pitied the person more than anything. Anyone who was trying to tear others down had probably been hurt pretty badly themselves.

Sonic had even made a meme out of their misspelling of his name- “Sanic” was now a worldwide joke with a hilarious drawing to match.

But now, all he really wanted to do was beat someone up- some robots, some evil agents, whatever- and trash the whole organization until they were all falling over themselves to apologize. The fact that G.U.N. had dared to treat Shadow’s obviously painful past with no kindness whatsoever really got on his nerves. The hybrid had suffered a hundred times over, lost his memory, and even died to save the world, yet he still didn’t get the respect he deserved.

“Uhhh, Sonic? Is everything okay?”

The blue blur jumped, startled out of his spiraling thoughts. He heard a growling noise, and his eyes widened when he realized it was coming from him. Sonic could feel his lips curled back into a snarl and quickly straightened his face out, blinking and clearing his throat. “Yeah! Sorry, Tails…” he said, embarrassed at having been caught in that kind of state. The fox eyed him skeptically. “Really, I’m fine!”

“Are you su-”

“Yeah!” Sonic exclaimed, grinning reassuringly. No point in upsetting others with his own problems, after all. “Everything’s good here, buddy!”

“If you say so…” Tails muttered. He didn’t seem convinced, but accepted it despite this. “Anyway, what I came over to say was: we’re out of groceries- can you head out and get some? I made a list of everything we need, it’s right here!”

Ordinarily, Sonic would’ve complained loudly and with much drama about having to do something so menial as a grocery run when he was a hero, for chaos’ sake. But that wasn’t the case these days. “Sure thing!” Sonic agreed, feeling better already. With a distraction to keep his worries and negative thoughts away, he’d be back to normal in no time. “See ya soon!”

The blue blur dashed out the door- before returning a second later, a sheepish grin on his face. “Forgot the list,” he explained, rushing out again.

With the wind in his quills, it was almost too easy to forget everything that he’d been thinking about just moments before. Sonic grinned properly as he raced across fields and through side streets. This was his element, after all!  He made his way to his and Tails’ favorite grocery store, bounding over obstacles and pulling a few awesome parkour tricks he’d picked up over the years. Shadow had always gotten on their case for not supporting a more local store- this one was a big name, after all- but Sonic had--

He shook his head, walking into the building. No more thoughts like that! There was only so much ruminating on bittersweet memories a guy could do in a day.

His presence here was relatively common, so he didn’t do much more than turn a few heads as he stepped through the automatic doors into the air-conditioned halls of the large grocery store. Sonic forced himself to walk through the aisles (instead of sprinting through them and accidentally whipping half the items off the shelves in his wake). As he did so, though, he began to hear people talking. And they weren’t just talking about the latest viral video, or boring politics, or any of those things, either.

They were talking about them.

Of course, everyone would always change the subject when he walked by, chatting loudly about their dog or their kids or whatever. It was almost as though they were saying, “Don’t look at me! I didn’t say anything about your friends! I’m just here, minding my own business!” But of course none of them really had been.

He recognized that he was spiraling down the path of thinking about it again, even though there was nothing he could do. And now no matter what, the thoughts of some of his closest friends were tainted. Which totally didn’t frustrate him at all. 

It didn’t help, he thought irritably (not noticing the mild scowl that had appeared on his face), that G.U.N. was basically screaming in all the op-eds and information releases the organization could get their hands on that they weren’t in the wrong. They didn’t say that specifically, of course- that would be too obvious. Instead, they just published the same old news over and over again: Team Dark had stolen classified files and then run away. 

This had all begun to grate on Sonic’s nerves a little, particularly when pundits and newspaper writers alike began to spout wild conspiracy theories about Team Dark having been spies for ‘the enemy’- whoever that was- or that one of them had finally lost it...or even all three at once. The most frustrating, however, was when once avid supporters of the former G.U.N. agents completely disavowed them and distanced themselves from the team as much as possible. It made him want to pull a Knuckles and punch a wall- how could people turn on the team so easily?

The hero pulled himself back to reality to realize that he’d been staring at a can of soup for the past few minutes. And were those dents where his fingers had been? He put the can in his shopping cart, took a deep breath, and continued on, giving himself a little ride on the back of the cart as a treat. Normally, he’d remember his various accidents and restrain himself, but lately the hero had needed to clear his head. He deserved this.

A few minutes later, a chime on his phone let him know that Tails had sent him a message. Sonic opened it up and read the text: 

milesperhour: Sonic, I think you need to see this. Take a close look at paragraph 5. https://www.centralcitynews.com/team-dark-update

Sonic clicked the link, sighing, and began to scan the article. Another one? Really, he’d had enough of-

Oh boy. Oh wow. Okay.

They’d made a move. G.U.N. didn’t release much in the way of information- all they’d done was declare an official alert asking people to keep a lookout for Rouge, Shadow and Omega. And to tip G.U.N. off at a hotline that they’d provided for this purpose.

Sonic had learned how to read between the lines over the last few days, though, and on his second read-through, he saw what most would not. 

...are in possession of multiple classified files…

So they’d stolen more info? That must’ve been what Omega’s post was about! Sonic began to squeeze his phone hopefully. Maybe this was it, maybe soon this whole nightmare would be over!

He practically flew through the rest of the store at the thought. Team Dark would give G.U.N. what for, the organization would apologize, and then everything would be fine!

Sonic checked out in a hurry, rushing home as fast as he could. Slamming open the door, he yelled out, “Tails! Did you see- oh right, you sent me the article. But still! Things are looking up, buddy!”

Tails had a slightly lopsided grin on his face, making the hero’s heart sink. “What’s that look all about?”

“I don’t know- it’s probably nothing! After all, Team Dark can handle any situation they come up against...just, G.U.N. has a lot of resources, you know?”

Sonic’s smile returned in full force. “Sure they do, but they also owe me for saving the world, like, a million times over! Once we’ve got the Edge Gang back with us, I’ll go talk with the commander and get them to straighten everything out!”

“That sounds like corruption, Sonic…” Tails said, a wicked smirk appearing on his face.

“Dude, what?! No! I’d never-! I just meant I was gonna see if I could talk some sense into them- hey, get back here!” Sonic screeched, seeing Tails run off with the groceries...including the donut he’d bought for himself.

…

Later that afternoon, Sonic was in the middle of finally enjoying said donut after wrestling it from Tails’s (evil terrible Sonic-and-sugar-hating) claws. It was a little squished, but it was still great- he wasn’t complaining!

That was, of course, when he heard a loud, sharp knock on the door.

He jumped up and zipped over to the entry hall, pastry still in hand. Whipping open the door, a shocking sight greeted him- one that made all of his battle-honed senses immediately scream danger danger danger. Two impeccably dressed G.U.N. agents stood before him, a human and a barn owl. The human seemed pretty awkward, wearing slightly rumpled slacks and overall looking a little messy. The owl, however, despite being about the same height as the blue blur, exuded an air of steely discipline that would make everyone she faced feel about two inches tall.

Everyone except Sonic, that was. He was secure in the knowledge that his friends were not wrong, and he maintained his usual relaxed demeanor without a hitch. The hero smiled fake-pleasantly at the two agents, ignoring the fact that he had sugar glaze at the corners of his mouth and all over his glove. “Sorry, guys, I wasn't really expecting guests.” He gestured to himself as an obvious example. “Anything I can do for ya?”

He didn’t offer to let them inside, though. These agents were hunting down his friends, he was absolutely sure of that. Sonic refused to help them in any way, not when Team Dark was still out there and being threatened by their organization.

The barn owl gave him a look that nearly pierced through his very soul. “Sonic the Hedgehog. I am Agent Toya, and this is my colleague, Agent Jones. We have a few questions that we would like to ask you. Inside.” Her voice was cold and clear, with no trace of an accent.

Sonic felt a chill run down his spine, but kept his smile up regardless. “Sure thing!” he chirped, despite very much not wanting to let them in. “The living room’s right this way- make yourselves comfortable, I’ll be back there in a sec.” He honestly didn’t think he could have refused them entry without...complications.

The hero zipped over to Tails’s workshop, flinging open the door with a little more force than he’d intended. The fox jumped up in a fright when it smacked against the wall, staring at Sonic. “G.U.N. is here. Two agents.” he said quickly. The imminent sense of danger in the back of his head wouldn't leave him be, despite the fact that he was one of the most powerful people alive.

...Despite this, don’t let G.U.N. take you or anyone else anywhere. You might not come back…

...These people aren’t crazy geniuses- they’re ruthless destroyers…

“Oh, chaos.” Tails breathed. “I’ll wait nearby, okay? Then I can do something if they start getting too intense.”

Sonic nodded, before speeding back down to see the agents sitting on his couch. “Hi! So whatcha guys want?” he asked perkily, burying his thoughts for now.

“Hello to you too, Sonic.” Jones said politely. “How are you?”

The hero tugged slightly at the cuff of his glove. “Pretty good!” he lied through his grin. “Been chilling around the house for most of the day- how ‘bout you?”

“Not bad,” the human answered. “Work is work though, you know?”

“Yeah, sounds pretty rough.” Sonic said, a little unconvincingly. Before he could stop himself, he thought of all the late nights Shadow and Omega had spent working on paperwork and various odd jobs for G.U.N., and the times when Rouge had to cancel her dates with Knuckles because she was just too exhausted from work to do much of anything. His smile became slightly strained as he worked to keep his frustration on Team Dark’s behalf under wraps.

The owl gazed at him silently for a moment, having watched this whole awkward transaction with a calculating look in her eye. Then she spoke. “I’m certain you have seen the news lately.”

“Uhhh...kinda, I’m not big on newspapers, but I try to keep up, yeah! Always nice to see an article about yours truly, hah.” He played it off, deciding to act dumb for now.

Agent Jones shifted in his seat, looking cautious. “Yeah…” he said, offering up an incredibly fake smile. “I’m a bit of a fan, myself.”

Sonic knew exactly what was going on. It was almost so classic he had to laugh- the old good cop/bad cop scenario. The human was clearly trying to play the good cop, and not enjoying it either. The hedgehog had to wonder, though, was he just a better bad cop or uncomfortable because he was helping grill a hero?

Oh, right- Agent Toya was talking again. “We know that you have seen the articles published about the betrayal of Team Dark. Even if you do not read the news, one of your friends will have told you by now.”

The hedgehog’s eyes narrowed a little. “And what’s that supposed to mean? What do you want outta me?”

“You. Know. Something.” she said sharply. “That team- in particular Shadow the Hedgehog-” He tensed at her flippant use of his name, as if they weren’t hunting him down like he had legitimately gone bad. “-trust you. You are very close with them. They would not have left you with nothing.”

Sonic shook his head, trying one last time. “I don’t think so, lady. I know about as much as you- if that. It’s not like we’re besties or anything.”

Agent Jones shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know- it looks like you guys are pretty close to me. Not that that’s bad, I mean-!!” he amended rapidly, realizing his mistake. In addition to having blown his role as the ‘good cop’, he was now being stared down by a very irritated pair of green eyes. The look he was being given contrasted sharply with the grin plastered across the hero’s face, and the agent began to sweat slightly and avoid his stare.

Meanwhile, Sonic turned his attention back to Agent Toya, sitting up straight and squaring his shoulders in preparation for more. He was a fighter, after all.

It seemed that the barn owl came here ready for a fight as well, because her own eyes flashed and she straightened her G.U.N. uniform. “Sonic. We need information. Our organization has been compromised. Twice. We are in a crisis and we are ordering you to tell us what you know.”

That did it.

“As if!” the hero exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “You think I’m the kind of guy who’d sell his friends out and watch them get carted off to jail- or worse?! I don’t know as much as you think I do, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you!” He had probably blown any semblance of ignorance up now, but Sonic couldn’t find it in himself to care.

The owl agent stood as well, glaring at him. “If that is the attitude you are going to take, then we have no choice but to take you into custody.” She began to reach for the Taser on her belt at the same time as Jones grabbed the gun from his holster. Sonic’s eyes flickered between them both- the human he could take on, but he wasn’t completely sure about Toya’s skill with the Taser.

Could he get around them? Sure, but not without breaking something...and he hated to bust up his house just because a couple of agents showed up on his doorstep and pulled weapons on him. He’d handled worse odds, hadn’t he? But then he and Tails would constantly be on the run, and that was no way for a nine-year-old to live…

A loud crash resounded in the kitchen. Jones shouted and jumped up, Sonic’s head snapped around so fast he tweaked his neck, and Toya took a step backwards.

Rubbing his neck and wincing, Sonic yelled out, “Everything okay in there?”

Tails dashed into the room out of nowhere, crying out, “Sorry! Sorry! I was just working and wanted a drink- and I heard- I heard-” 

The fox then began to cry, sobbing and clinging to Sonic’s chest. “You’re not gonna take him away, are you? I need my big brother…” he sniffled. “Sonic, everything’s gonna be okay, right?”

The hero was trying his very hardest, meanwhile, to keep his jaw from hitting the floor as he watched his brother, a brave, intelligent sidekick and someone he was proud to fight beside, put on the most incredible show he’d ever seen. “I…I dunno, buddy…” he said honestly, uncertain about how to react. 

This seemed to be a pretty good move, as Tails immediately began to bawl harder and gasped, in between sobs, “Please don’t take him away from me!”

It appeared that Toya would not feel comfortable using force against Sonic (or even resuming her interrogation) when the young fox was around. Instead, she gave him a very pointed, piercing look, before declaring, “We will be back at a later date to continue this conversation.”

She stalked out the door, Jones shoving his gun back onto his belt and following sulkily behind her. As soon as she had gotten into her car and driven off, the hero sagged into the couch and let out a loud sigh. “Welp.”

Tails flew out of the room immediately afterwards, whispering a quick “Wait there and chill for a second I’ll be right back” before he exited. Once he returned, the fox crawled around on the couch next to Sonic before letting out an “Aha!” and holding up what appeared to be a tiny piece of metal.

“It’s a shame to have to do this, but…” he muttered, before vanishing with it. A couple minutes later, a very loud noise boomed from Tails’s workshop and made Sonic panic before blasting in there at top speed. 

“What was that?!” he shrieked. 

“Just destroying this camera that human agent left in our couch.” the engineer replied lightly.

“Wait- what??” Sonic gasped. “He did what?”

“I thought they’d be crazy to leave without planting one, so I checked the camera feed, and it was pretty obvious! He must be a new recruit.”

“Wait- you have a camera? In our living room?” the hero asked, feeling slightly creeped out.

Tails shrugged. “Well, I didn’t until recently, but I figured that G.U.N. would have to show up at our place eventually, so yeah.”

They both stayed there in silence for a minute, before making their way back down to the main house. 

“Well, what do we do now?” Tails wondered. 

“I dunno- you’re the smart guy, pal.” Sonic replied quickly. “I just don’t want to have to escape from them! I like running, but not away from people. Especially bad people.”

“Well...does it count as running if we’re hanging out with Knuckles?” the fox suggested hopefully.

Sonic sighed. “I guess not...it’d be cool with him, too, since Angel Island is a pretty safe place and all. I still hate the idea of hiding from them, though.”

“Maybe you won’t have to!” Tails said, trying to be cheerful. “After all, I don’t think people will buy it if G.U.N. says you’re a...traitor…” He trailed off, remembering a particularly eventful moment from their past.

“Yyyeah.” the hedgehog said dryly, having thought of the same thing. “That’s exactly why I didn’t have to ride through the streets of Central City on a piece of helicopter.”

“Let’s not think about that for now though, okay?” Sonic asked. “ I don’t like the idea of being scared all the time.”

Tails nodded in agreement. “Besides, we’ve handled them before! We can cross that bridge when we come to it anyway.”

Sonic grinned. “How about we watch some TV for now, take our minds off things?”

“Sure! But I’m definitely gonna tell Omega- or whoever calls us next- about this. They deserve to know.” the fox answered.

“Okay…” the blue blur said. He felt a little guilty that he could just turn on a movie and forget about G.U.N. for a while- Team Dark didn’t have that luxury. Quickly, though, he added, “Anything on there you’ve been dying to watch?”

Tails smiled happily, and Sonic decided that this was totally worth it. “Well, there is this one documentary…”

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/79768111

Chapter 68

Nick walked back through the hallway in a comforting trance that persisted until he stood outside again. It was night now and he shouldn't be outside. He could approach his own statue without his stomach turning. Looking at it for a while, he felt closer to his manager and friend now than he had felt at this place before. Virgil had left so many good memories, he was sure he'd never forget him. “I wish I knew what happened...”, he sighed. “Now I have to get along without you and I don't know...” Nick gulped. “I don't know if I'll find a reason to go on...” He wondered if that was a good thing to say to Virgil and what his manager would've wanted. “If I died in my own bathtub that day...would you've grieved for me or would you've closed the chapter, marked me as a failure and moved on with Birdie as your new star...? You know, whenever I met you and you were so caring to me again, I couldn't believe you were about to leave me...But now I wonder...” He sighed again. “What kind of person am I to ask you that now? I still love you, you know?” Impetuously, Nick wiped his dry eyes. “Good night, Virgil”, he whispered. Down the stairway, he went as slowly as he had ascended. It was like a meditation exercise. He needed a new manager but he couldn't imagine having anyone else but Virgil. At the bottom of the stairs, he took a deep breath. Time to look after his friends.

With the first Bobby he saw, he begged and pleaded, playing drunk and lost, until the tall man took heart and gave him a fireman's lift. The certainty that he would be home soon calmed Nick down. He was half asleep when he heard Constable Hunt's voice. “Mr. Lightbearer! Is he alright?” “Yeah, yeah, only pickled...”, the other Bobby said. Nick felt how he was handed over. Hunt's arms held him soon after. “What are you doing?”, Hunt whispered to him. “What are you doing?” Nick stirred, stretched himself and yawned. His improvised taxi waited until he got his share, then he contentedly walked away. Hunt brought the seemingly sloshed rockstar inside and placed him on the couch. “Are you hurt?”, he asked, not sure if the answer would be useful. “Nu-uh”, Nick slurred. Hunt sighed. The rockstar would've told him if he had an owie, for sure. He'd normally keep on and on about it. Hunt also found no blood on him, so he gave him a pat on the shoulder and went outside again.

Nick waited until the Bobby had closed the front door behind him, before he got up. First, he took a look around in the living room, then the kitchen, wondering where his band was. Did they leave him? Worried, he walked up the stairs. “Hey! Guys, where are you?”, he shouted. He didn't get an answer. They could be asleep, of course. Nick went to their guestrooms and opened the doors, only to see them being empty. When he looked into the last of them and found it empty too, his mood plummeted. And he became anxious. Was this whole project dead? Still, there was the third floor. It's quietness wasn't inviting, but Nick ascended the stairs nonetheless. He had to be sure. It hurt to see the white piano that carved out it's miserable existence in a corner. He had gotten it on a whim. He could play it tolerably, he found, but in the past days he had looked forward for his lover to play it once. His hands fondled the keys. The poor thing. And poor Morrie, he would've liked it.

He went into the party room, where he had his stage. There, he was gobsmacked to come upon his friends, lying on the floor, asleep. The sight brought him to the edge of tears again. Still here, despite everything. Their positions didn't look too comfortable, they must've more or less passed out. The amount of empty bottles on the bar told him a story of probably drowning sorrows in alcohol. Well, who was he to judge them? Solaced, he walked out, down the stairs again and into his bedroom. He noticed how tired he was himself, but he had a little bit of energy left. Opening the drawers in his dresser, he found a blanket and pulled it out. It would have to do. Sneaking back up the stairs, he went to his sleeping friends and lay the blanket over them. With that and the carped underneath them, they should be fine, Nick concluded. Smiling faintly, he went back to his bedroom and crawled onto his bed. He didn't have to wait for long until his fatigue won out over him.

He awoke in bright daylight. Absently, he enjoyed it for a time, thinking it could be a wonderful day. If only he didn't have to live his life right now. More sadly, he eyed the empty space next to him. Then he ran a hand over the sheets where a lovely Downer once had lain. Closing his eyes, he recalled how his body had felt, the smell of his soft hair, his loving smile he'll never see again...The memory brought about more tears. Nick felt very alone. But he still had to save his band and that made him push himself forward. Even though that meant coming to terms with them again. Nick was afraid to talk to Matt again. He was afraid he could've told Brad and Chris everything and had turned them against him too. Chris had seen blood on him. And Brad probably believed Matt anyway since the two were close. And still, he had to go through this. Once again. Nick gulped. When would the begging be finally over? When would they start to believe he really meant it?

He got up and went into the bathroom to take a glance at himself in the mirror. Not too good, he thought. Even if he ignored his red eyes, the mask was dirty, he would have to take his spare one. His wig was blowsed, the shiny strands standing on end. He took his comb, but then hesitated. Didn't they like him more without it? He grabbed the wig and pulled it down, freeing his own uncombed hair. Great. It looked even worse. And now it would hurt. Well, beauty knows no pain, Nick pushed himself further and went through the painful procedure of putting his stubborn hair in order. Even combed, it looked weird with the mask, so it felt easier to take it off. He quickly washed his face and shaved, letting the little bit of fluff stay where his desired moustache was. The mask just didn't stick to the face properly if he kept too much facial hair, so this had to do. Well, it wasn't like he still had reporters in his house... Ready but not really, he left the bathroom. He heard some muffled noise from downstairs that made him assume the others were awake. Nick felt like it was a show he wasn't prepared for. I don't feel alright, Virgil. Can't you cancel this gig?

Going down the stairs, the muffled noise went louder. Instead of multiple voices speaking it was rather just one, the one everybody knew. The telly was most likely on. Jack hopefully had happy news. He hesitated to go into the living room. He felt like he needed caffeine first, but what would he look like, giving a speech about his innocence while holding a coffee mug? Ridiculous, yes. At the doorframe he stopped, looking into Uncle Jack's happy face on screen. There went nothing. “Hey, guys”, he said. “Sssh, I want to hear this...!”, Matt hissed. Nick fell quiet. Brad looked over the armrest to see their meek guitarist. “Norbert”, he said in surprise. “I haven't seen you in years!” “That's Nick, dummy”, Chris corrected him without looking. “Yeah?” He looked closer. Nick tried a smile. “Uh yeah, it's me, Nick...” “Whoa”, Brad commented. “Why can't you guys shut up?”, Matt complained, but he turned around to greet the intruder. “Hey, Nick, come here, you missed half the show.” Nick came closer and the fact that he could sit down next to Matt without receiving a punch staggered him. He noticed they had taken the blanket with them and spread it out over them. Matt suddenly eyed Nick and Nick returned the gaze as innocently as he could. Would Matt remember? His pupils were pint-sized. The result of their staring contest was Matt tossing the edge of the blanket over him and then looking back at the screen. Hardly believing his luck, Nick accepted the warming cover and remained quiet, eyeing his friends that were so amazed by Uncle Jack that they didn't take further notice of their defiant guitarist.  

On the coffee table, biscuits and sandwiches were scattered. They made Nick wonder how much was still left in his fridge. Someone had to take care of that, too. But not now, he decided and helped himself. When he started to move, Chris darted a glance at him. Nick froze in his tracks and looked at his friend. He was surprised to see the other man smile shortly and then turn back to the telly. They laughed out loud about one of Jack's jokes and Nick just watched them, baffled. Eventually, Jack had to say goodbye, but not without announcing the coming up program. Still, when the test card appeared on screen, they complained. “Already?”, Matt moaned. “Aw man, I wish his shows were longer. A couple of hours would be cool.” “Yeah, a day-long special, I'd watch it”, Brad agreed. “I guess poor Jack needs a rest now and then”, Nick tossed in. “Maybe...I just can't stop watching this guy...Hey, you missed half the show”, Matt said. “Any news?”, Nick asked. “News...You missed the Downer jokes.” “Oh...” “What's the difference between a Downer and a bolt?” “Uh...” “You don't hammer a bolt.”  

Nick tried to laugh as good as he could. He had used to laugh at these jokes, too. “That's great, yeah...”, he pretended. “Are you okay?” Matt lifted an eyebrow. “Sure, snug as a bug.” Nick forced a grin. “You took your mask off”, Brad noticed. “That's why I didn't recognize you.” “Well, I...I thought you like me more like that... Matt leaned closer. “Show me your eyes.” Nick turned his head away and reflexively moved to get up, but second later, he had Brad's fingers clutching his arm and pinning him down. “Sssh, Norbert.” Chris got up and walked towards him. Nick gave his friends pleading looks. He did take his Joy, but he didn't know what Blackberry Joy did to his eyes. If it did anything at all. “Looks good to me”, Matt said. “Yeah”, Chris approved. “Except for his not-smiling.” “What's wrong with you, Nicky? Got a bad badge?” “No, I...I feel splendid”, Nick assured them. “Just take another...”, Chris held out his hand to him. A pink pill lay in it. Nick looked at Brad, but the drummer didn't let go. “You'll be fine, just take your Joy.” Nick reluctantly obeyed, taking the pill between two fingers. Three pairs of eyes watched him putting the drug in his mouth and gulping. “There you go...” Matt patted his shoulder, and Brad let go. Nick felt unwell, hiding the pill under his tongue.  

“Have you heard anything from Virgil?”, he asked meekly. “Oh, right, that was in the news you missed”, Matt took it up. “Not even you knew your manager would fuck us over?” “Uhm...” “He went on holiday”, Chris said. “Now.” He shook his head. “Did we stress him out that much?” “I...I guess so...”, Nick stuttered. Brad patted his back. “Now, now, don't lose your head over this. It also means we have more free time.” “Right, we're on holiday now too!,” Chris said as if he looked forward to it. “Uh...what if he's not on holiday?”, Nick brought up. Matt gave him a questioning look. “What do you mean, not on holiday?” “Don't you remember what happened yesterday?” “No, why should we?” “Looked like a good time though”, Chris remarked, probably thinking about the bar they had emptied. “Did we drink him under the table?”, Matt asked. “Is he in a coma now?” They stared at him again.  

“Come on, Norbert, say something. What's up with Virgil?”, Brad urged him. Nick's head span. He waved them off. “Ah...it's nothing...I...I just thought out loud...I'm sorry, I'm a bit out of it this morning.” He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself and fell quiet. Brad shrugged. “Alright.” “Need another?” Matt offered him more Strawberry Joy. Nick hesitated, then he fetched the pill from his friend's hand. He wouldn't pop this either. “Guys, I have an appointment I can't miss, can I trust you to behave while I'm gone?”, he said standing up. They laughed. “We're all respectable Wellies, you know?”, Chris said. “You're the one we have to watch, Nicky.” “Be a good boy, you hear me?”, Matt added. “And put your mask back on”, Brad reminded him. Nick promised everything and went into his bedroom to prepare, spitting out the pink pill. He was eager to leave.  

        Some time later, he dashed into James' arms. The other man held him close, running a hand over Nick's head. It didn't take long until the tears came back. Nick had to cling to their closeness for a long time before he felt good enough to let go. Searching for words, he then eyed the floor. “What is it, Nick?”, his friend asked in a soft tone. “James, I'm at the end of the line! I lost all at once! Arthur left me, Virgil is dead and my band is overdosing on Joy...”, the words poured out. “I can't go on without a manager! I'm a walking chaos already, and now my friends...I need someone to get my life organized, to pay all my bills...this is the end of me! He wrapped his arms around himself. “I'm sorry you spent so much time on me, all for nothing...” James put an arm around him and pressed him gently against his chest. “Now, now, it's not over yet, my golden boy. I know how much Virgil meant to you and I can't easily fix the hole Arthur left in your heart, but believe me, good old James has some more aces up his sleeve.” Nick gave him a wide-eyed look. “You can help me?” James' hand drew little circles on Nick's upper arm. “I think so.” Nick lowered his head again and let it rest on his friend's chest. “Am I dreaming?” “No”, James soft voice assured him. “You're wide awake, and you're with me...” Nick lay his arms around the other man again. “I'm so glad I can trust you...” James smiled. “I'm glad you trust me.” Nick returned the smile and enjoyed to be in his soulmate's arms for some more time.  

“Do you want to stay?”, James went on. Nick thought about it. “I shouldn't leave my friends alone...I'm so afraid something might happen to them too...I have to protect them, even if they'd hate me if they remembered what happened...” “Why would they hate you?” “Because of what I did to Morrie, because of Arthur and because every time someone I love gets killed, I end up in a strange coincidence that makes me look suspicious...It's like the killer is playing with me.” “And your good friends now think you're a murderer?” Nick shook his head. “They're not thinking anything right now! Yesterday, they knew he was dead, but this morning they heard Uncle Jack say Virgil is on holiday and they bought it!” Nick hung his head. “I wonder if I'm the reason why they overdosed. Honestly, I don't know what I would think if I were them...I just wish they'd be back in their senses and on my side...I had been shit to them in the past, but I was never evil.” “I can well believe it,” James affirmed. Nick lit up a bit but it didn't last long. “I wonder if I was evil to Arthur...” James lifted his eyebrows. “Did he lose his trust in you so suddenly?” Nick eyed the floor again. “He found out about Morrie...He figured I wasn't worth it...” His eyes watered again. “It's like you said, I lost them both...Now I wish I told them the truth.” “Do you think they'd have acted differently?” Nick sighed deeply. “I guess Arthur...Arthur would've left me anyway...He...He actually had no time for me in any case...” James gave him a questioning look.  

“All he wanted was to find his lost brother...He said he's in...Germany...The train...” A shadow flashed over he other man's face. For a second, he looked harassed, but it was gone before Nick could really notice it. “I've never seen the train myself”, Nick went on. “I was too old to go, and I didn't want to watch it, so I ran away and hid in a shack to smoke.” Guilt crept into his voice. “You were still very young. You didn't have to watch it. No child...should've experienced this...” James' eyes glazed over, as if he was looking at an image in his mind. “Arthur must've suffered...without Joy...”, Nick whispered. “You couldn't know”, James comforted him. “Your fates simply went into different ways.” Nick pressed his head into the other man's suit, wetting it with tears. “It still hurts...I feel guilty for not telling him the truth, but also, I had no clue who he was...I mean if I knew...If I knew he'd leave me anyway...I wouldn't have...I wouldn't have betrayed Morrie...”, he sobbed. James held him again, stroking him. “See, you're not the only one making mistakes...” “You mean I should forgive Arthur? Well, I do! God, I wish he came back!”, Nick cried. “He'll be happier now”, James said quietly. “And possibly even you too...” Nick was shaken by a crying fit, so James silently walked him into the living room and sat down with him, letting him wet his shoulder and patting his back in return.  

[ray-the-fanatic]

His Home

Gravesbeaks family, Hurt/comfort fluff prompt. One shot

Ao3 link 

(last one short for bit now that im working on multiple chapter stories.)

Just a some moment dealing with this awakard family figuering things out. 

Everything was dark from under marks hands as he used them to keep Boyd’s eyes covered. While Mark ushered him quickly, Boyd could really only feel the carpet under his feet as they awkwardly waddled across it. There were at least, from what Boyd could think up five better ways to go about this. Another part of him, however, thought this was more fun. It was pretty normal for him to feel pulled by two different lines of thought process like that. Maybe cause Mark programmed more kid like thoughts? Or whoever made the original software did.   

“Alright Little buddy ready, to have your circuits blown? Not really though.” Mark said as he moved his hands away from Boyd’s eyes.

Boyd took a moment to adjust to the light, as his eyes set on said surprise. A bedroom just for him, well almost it was more a mix of a playground as well. Boyd walked in further looking over everything before him. The room was full of colorful tubes that were scattered all over the place. That you could climb through with exit and entrance points found in different places of the room. A few of the exits being slides that drop at different heights. Rock climbing walls and foam pits to fall into under them. A built-in playhouse building that functioned as a bed on the bottom. Covered in Boyd quickly counted, ten, colorful pillows. The top of it was set up as a small reading area. From where he stood Boyd could make out shelves with a few books on them. There were cut-outs on the floor for trampolines. Likely just like at Waddle each for different impacts of bouncing. There was also a small desk almost resembling the deck of a skateboard. The desk having a computer set up on it. Boyd ran over to it to check it out, able to tell it wasn’t from any store in town. The room was amazing he thought full of excitement just wanting to explore every inch of it now.

“So?” Mark said as he walked over to Boyd “Like it?” 

“Very much Dad, it’s” He paused to think a moment “Lit?” 

Mark smiled brightly and took a picture of Boyd standing in the room quickly as he started writing an update to go with it. 

“Best room ever.” He said out loud as he typed then watched the screen for a few seconds before excitedly chirping out “ooo look at all those likes, it's blowing up.” Mark held his hands up in the shape of a gun and playfully gestured like he was shooting real ones in the air “pew, pew, pew.” 

Boyd did the same and moved in sync with Mark “pew, pew, pew.”

The action caught Mark’s attention right away as he couldn’t help but smile. He placed his hand on top of Boyd's head gently ruffling his head feathers. Boyd happily moved into Mark's palm as he hummed happily enjoying the affirmation from his creator, Dad he meant. One thing Boyd knew well at this point was he often got rewarded for mimicking his Dad or going along with his antics. Maybe it was deceitful, another side of Boyd thought it was like he exploited that fact. He decided not to dwell on that thought thankful to hear Mark speak up.   

“Glad that didn’t get lost during your little meltdown at that brats party.”

 Mark pulled his hand away slowly as he could hear footsteps behind him. His smile growing brighter when turning to see the man he called Falcon. Though when Boyd looked his inner files they told him he was farther.  Who seemed shocked by the room as he looked around curiously. Boyd’s own smile growing when seeing him, he was very fascinated with Falcon since he didn’t see him often. His height alone was enough to pull his attention since he towered over the small android, no boy. He was quiet and calm most of the time and spoke in a stern English tone. His eyes always having that pricing gaze of a predatory bird. To Boyd he was the definition of fierce nothing shook him, well one thing seemed to faze him and make him break that facade.

“Hello Father!” Boyd sprouted out suddenly as he made his way over to him having to stare up at the raptor. 

“Y yes uh hello to you as well” Falcon seemed to tense up slightly by that sudden greeting from the boy.

For whatever reason he seemed to be easily thrown off by Boyd, he would freeze up and lost his usual air whenever Boyd got near him. Like he was now so Boyd took a few steps back which was for the best most likely. Boyd tried to keep his smile though to act as if he didn’t notice.   

"Hey kiddo why don't you play around in here for now and get settled in." Mark said as he began to push Falcon out of the room able to feel the tension growing in the air. “Were just going to head downstairs for a bit boring stuff, unlike your super cool room.” He added on as he pulled the door to Boyd’s room closed behind them. 

Boyd knew it wasn't right but at the same time, he couldn't help it. Quickly running over to the heavy door able to faintly hear their voices from the other side. But, he couldn't really make out what they were saying too well. Luckily being an android came with advantages. Taking a moment to raise up his frequency until he could clearly hear Mark's voice from the other side. 

“Does it bother you when he calls you that? I just thought it would be nice so I programmed it in.”

Boyd hadn’t been living with them for long, it had only been a few days since that party. Everyone was still adjusting to this change but Falcon seemed to need the most time for the adjustment. He always reacted the same way whenever Boyd called out to him. Mark made sure to reassure him or would intervene whenever it happened.

“Falcon.” Mark said his voice in a tone Boyd never realized it could reach. It was followed by a sigh from the larger bird. 

“I’m not sure. I guess I didn’t think much about it at first when you decided to turn your new project into a means of increasing likes for your social media, so you could go to the child’s birthday party.” He paused “Which I still don’t fully understand why you went to that. When it was just one of your random whims I figured you get bored of the idea. But he’s not an idea he’s here?” Falcon phased like a question. 

“Well the little guy kind of grew on me and guess I got attached, I wasn’t really expecting this turn out myself. At first, the project was to make my own robot to be better than Gizmoduck so I could rub it in his face.” Mark said then trailed off for  a moment “The focus shifted a bit there and I don’t know the idea grew on me?” 

Boyd was listening to every word, it wasn’t like before he knew he wasn’t. Real. He was a robot, android, created by Mark. Kind of. Everything that made Boyd well Boyd was programmed, coded in. He looked down at his hands as he thought to himself. He felt something heavy inside sink into his deepest pits. It wasn’t an actual object but it made him. Feel? Feel bad. In his memory Dad and Farther, no. Mark and Falcon were his parents well they were meant to be. That wasn't real either though. That was the truth. No matter how much he didn’t like having that knowledge it conflicted with his files and it hurt when he looked into it too much. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of his malfunction. His mind was a blank and he had no control over what he was doing. No matter how hard he tried to take it back, he just couldn’t. It was still him doing that but he felt like he had been watching it. Boyd tightly closed his eyes, it was- he didn’t want to think about it. He took a moment to process and pushed those memories away, placing them as far back as he could in his memory as possible. So he wouldn’t have to be reminded of it again. 

Boyd moved away from the door and made his way to the bed, he let his face hit the soft mattress. Mark and Falcon seemed to have walked away since he couldn’t hear them in the hallway anymore. That was likely why Fath- Falcon, reacted as he did. The things Boyd could do set him apart too much. Making it apparent that he wasn’t a real kid, and maybe that was why he just couldn’t seem to connect with him ? It was easy with Mark. If he mimicked Mark, he would smile like he could burst from the pride alone. Being basically a walking breathing piece of tech probably didn’t hurt either. Mark liked the power technology offered so Boyd was just the perfect kid for him. 

“That’s it!” Boyd sprung up suddenly “I act like dad and that makes him happy so if I act like father too then that should work.!” He said to himself.

...

No less than a few hours had passed when Boyd saw his dad poke his head into the room. Boyd met his eyes and smiled like his usual self, taking note of the slight drop in Mark's shoulders as he seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

“Wanna come out of here for a bit?” Mark asked him “and maybe spend some time with us?” The added emphasis on ‘us’ was not lost to Boyd. 

“Yes, I would enjoy that.” 

Mark had to pause a moment, he was used to hearing an Engilsh accent now but not from Boyd who he was positive didn’t have that before. He looked down at the young android as he walked by him, arms kept at his sides walking with his back completely straight. A stance he was all too familiar with, didn’t take Mark long to figure out what he was doing. But, he just smiled and shrugged wanting to see where this goes.     

Boyd made his way to the living room where Falcon, back to his usual self, it seemed. Was sitting in his scarlet recliner buried beak deep into his current book. Boyd caught sight of it and quickly ran to the bookcase grabbing the first book he could. He went to run back when he caught his dad staring at him so he instead went back to his proper stance and walked to the couch. Only to scrambled quickly on to it as he climbed- up on the couch he got situated and cracked the book open to start reading. Mark looked over to Falcon who was unaware of everything. 

“So, kiddo anything you wanna do?” Mark asked as he walked up behind Falcon’s seat, resting an arm on the back of it purposely elbowing his boyfriend when he did so well speaking. 

Falcon looked up at Mark a bit annoyed only to get caught by the smile on his face. Mark then pointed over to the couch. Falcon’s eyes following as he looked over to Boyd mimicking Falcon’s usual reading position. 

“Reading is fine by me.” Boyd said again using the Engilsh accent once more. 

Mark covered his beak as he playfully nudged Falcon, who was more confused instead of delighted by the situation. Falcon closed his book and tentatively placed it on his lap able to see Boyd copy his actions from the corner of his eye. A quick look over to Mark, seeing the smug smile he had made it clear he wasn’t going to help. Falcon just sighed, part of him almost laughed though. It reminded him of all the times Mark had put on his god awful attempt at the accent himself. He looked back to Boyd who seemed to be staring in anticipation at him. Falcon’s tension built up a bit.

“Um, Boyd are you sure that book is a good pick for you?” Was all Falcon could think to ask since he couldn’t make eye contact with him and instead looked to the cover of the book to see the title. “I don’t think 'The Grapes of  Wrath' is right at your age.”

“Oh it’s fine, my reading level is above average!” Boyd responded with forgetting the accent as he excitedly spoke. Only to quickly shift back into his act when he realized it. “I do enjoy reading a lot. Reading is an essential skill to have after all.”

Falcon smiled a bit not having spent much time with Boyd so it was the first time he saw him perk with such enthusiasm. Displaying such a kid like enjoyment for the task and the act was starting to grow on him, maybe that was why Mark enjoyed it so much.

 "Well being able to read it is one thing, that book may be out your understanding." 

“Dad made sure my artificial intelligence can grow naturally so the more I do something I just advance along with it. I like to read so I can grasp the more complex topics on somethings” Boyd looked down annoyed suddenly. That was the second, no third time already he broke character. He sighed and turned his head to the side looking away from Mark and Falcon as he pressed himself up into the couch cushions. 

This wasn’t working, by now Mark would be bursting with joy and giving him a pat on the head. Falcon was more a challenge with this game. Though it made sense he was so close off, Boyd had seen him at times drop it when he looked at Mark. With a softer smile and sometimes a playful tone when speaking to him. Cause he cared about Mark. They had a love for the other, Boyd pushed himself deeper into the couch. It felt nice at the moment, it gave him some comfort because suddenly he just felt so alone. Boyd wanted to just escape into the comfort the couch had to offer because it didn’t make him question his place. In truth all Boyd wanted was to just feel he belonged here.

“Hey Kiddo you okay over there?” Mark asked, snapping Boyd out of his thoughts. 

Boyd opened his eyes but didn’t move from his hiding place, he seemed to have wedge himself between two of the cushions squeezing tightly in the small gap they offered him. 

No, I’m not okay

 He thought to himself something wasn’t right with him, he couldn't shake the, feelings? Thoughts that kept fogging up his mind. That same sensation from before like something was sinking inside him. Almost  like he was being weighed down by it. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to force those thoughts from coming back again. He didn’t want to think about those thoughts he could maybe delete them? Make it like he never had them in the first place? That could work, then they wouldn’t be in the way he could just act like everything was normal. Like he was normal, just like before. 

Again his thoughts were interrupted, feeling the familiar sensation of a hand resting on his arm. At first he thought it was Mark but the size wasn’t right and the touch was more hesitant. Boyd lowered his head a bit to look. Surprised to see brown feathers instead of Marks grey ones. Continuing his gaze up to see Falcon standing over him, his expression something Boyd never thought he could make. Did he look worried? No that can’t be right.

“Are you okay?” Falcon said, his usual stern tone gone replaced by something more soft and genuine. Concern maybe? That alone made him crave in.

“No” He vocalized this time only to retreat back into his safe haven between the couch cushions. 

Falcon looked over to Mark who made his way over and sat on the other side of Boyd, laying up against the couch as he lightly poked at Boyd’s head. His own special approach to the situation. 

“What’s going on kid?” 

“I’m not!”

“Not what?” Mark asked “Gonna say? Talk? Not here? The last one won’t work cause we can see you clearly.” 

“Mark” Falcon said flatly to show that wasn’t helping, then turned his attention back to Boyd “You can tell us son” that tone aimed at him again. It didn’t bring comfort this time though it was more a reminder of what was bothering him so much right now.

“I’m not your son!” He let out and drew his knees to his chest curling up into the couch like a small ball, he didn’t want to see their faces after saying it. “I’m not even real, no matter how much I want to be I can’t be.” Everything he had been thinking for the past days coming all out. 

“What that's crazy, I built you to be my kid so obviously that's what you are.”

Boyd looked up at Mark his eyes fierce and burning red as the head inside them started to raise “I’m fake!” He yelled out in frustration making Mark grow silent at the reaction. 

“I know it, you know it farther knows it.” he tucked his face into his shoulder as his voice grew more quiet. His thoughts messy and all over the place but he couldn’t keep them from spilling out anymore. “I hate it. I want to act like I don’t know the truth but I do. I’m not your son I wish I could be but i’m not real. It’s all pretend.” 

“What? But you are real Boyd.” Falcon was the one to speak up 

“No I'm not that's why you get all weird with me. If I was real you could bond with me. Dad can but that's cause he made me and he likes when I copy him. That’s all I am”

Falcon awkwardly pulled his hand away then fidgeted with his cufflinks. He happened to catch Mark’s gaze who just slightly gestured to Boyd. A small sigh escaped his beak and he nodded to show he understood. Falcon placed his hand back on to Boyd’s shoulder. He was so small especially when curled up like this.

“Boyd?” He said and like always his voice got the small boy’s attention as he looked over his shoulder to him. “You are real to me  and that scares me.” 

It grew silent between the three of them as those words settled in the air. The reason Mark was aware of, the answer Boyd didn't have. The truth Falcon wasn't good about stating seeming to bring a clam over them all. 

“I scare you?”

Falcon nodded but smiled not helping clear Boyd’s confusion in the least when he did. It wasn’t often when Falcon displayed his awkward side but as he used his free hand to move around in the air. Almost as if it was physically trying to grab at the right words when he spoke. 

“I never thought I’d have a kid or family, your Dad’s whims are not in my control well really anyones. You just were an unexpected surprise. I probably should be used to all that now. “ He said tossing a look Mark’s way before he continued on “I’m just not sure what I'm doing.”

Boyd blinked absently as he took in those words. He slightly seemed to follow with what was said. Boyd could understand that though he too was unsure about the whole situation at times. Maybe he was also scared?  

“And for what it’s worth, you are able to think freely. I found a good AI to base yours off for that. I think it’s cute when you copy me even if you do it on purpose.” Mark added in himself “Yeah you weren’t planned to be as you are now but that doesn't mean anything really. Most of my plans don’t go as I think they will, doesn't mean I dislike the outcomes.” 

Boyd smiled slightly, it didn't really fix anything but it was nice. He moved out from the couch and looked at Falcon as he swept in and clung to his side,in a slightly awkward but loving hug. Falcon froze a moment but Boyd didn’t let go, his father was the one who needed the gesture. Slowly he felt Falcon arm wrap around him hugging him back. It took Mark a full half a second to intrude as he moved over.  Throwing an arm over Falcon as he took a selfie. 

“Family moments” He said out loud as he posted the picture. Boyd slightly laughing as Falcon groaned in annoyance. 

[lokiarsene]

like yesterday, here's a bullet list of my thoughts for episodes 18~21

thoughts on episode 18:

oh no, it's the beach episode.

-- i really like how they show the way the PT take care of futaba. ren patiently cleaning up her room in between hours at the florist, them playing vidya with her, or just having lunch together in montage moments is very sweet. it makes me wish the anime had much slower pacing, more slice of life-y kind of drama.

-- watching yusuke, ryuji, and futaba lose their freakin minds over good curry is VERY relatable.

-- i still don't understand why ann and makoto thought that a two piece frilly bathing suit was the way to go with futaba. a one piece that she could wear under a long wrap or a hoodie would've made so much more sense... but >male gaze

-- have i told y'all how fucking tired i am of the sexualization of the teenage girls in p5 yet, and how it is one of the several things that fuckin ruined this game for me

have i?

well here it is again

none of the previous games were as bad as this b t w and p4 had one of the dungeons be a STRIP CLUB.

-- yusuke and his lobsters are wonderful.

-- oh god i forgot COMPLETELY about the whole 'mental shutdowns' thing in this game's plot. i think because it's all so pointlessly convoluted. p3 had something similar but even there it was just people turned catatonic for weeks on end when the monthly boss-shadows drew near.

i think the reason i find this so hard to understand is because from p3 to p4 the rules of shadows didn't really change so much. p3 had the persona users go up against shadow bosses; p4 had people confront the shadows within themselves, either accepting them completely (which then turned into persona), or the shadow 'absorbed' the person and ran rampant as a monster. neither of those rules really contradict each other, but in p5 personal shadows for persona users are gone completely, and how you deal with other people's personal shadows doesn't even involve them being present to complete the merge.

mona says that persona users can't have palaces, but persona users in 4 could and DID have 'dungeons' within the shadows' worlds. these dungeons dealt specifically with what was at the core of the shadows' emergence--a deep secret and a hidden truth that caused the shadow to grow, a place that was a replica and a distortion of reality based upon that suppressed truth. so that sure sounds like a fucking palace to me.

so....................... unless there's like, multiple realities folded into our own, and persona users can only access certain ones.................. i'm just super confused.

like, i know it's because the rules change game to game, but p3 to p4 didn't have any contradictions, and p2 didn't contradict anything in p3, either. it just went from a full party of wild card users to a singular one.

-- i'm glad ann's getting a little screentime here. i was just thinking about how other characters' development was lacking after makoto and futaba got so much focus.

-- mona's so sweet to ann ;-; now that he has a human form in p5r, i hope they become really good friends. she needs a kind guy friend that'll be reliable~ plus he makes her laugh.

-- sojiro talking about the anniversary of wakaba's death is......... really interesting........ considering that screenshot of futaba sitting next to a woman with the exact same haircut as her "deceased" mother.

-- ren reassuring mona that he absolutely has to be human, that he will return to who he used to be once they figure out what's happening in the metaverse is jsut jdfklasd

AND HIS LIL ROUND OF APPLAUSE WHEN MONA TALKS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS HE'S GOING TO DO TO KEEP THE WORLD SAFE ;-;

AND THAT SHOT OF HIM SLEEPING CURLED UP ON REN'S STOMACH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- listen i know mona isn't rly a cat but he's the BEST cat

thoughts on episode 19:

oh it's the hawaii episode.

-- man what the hell kinda budget do these school's got that they can just go overseas with dozens of students on a yearly basis? that's impressive.

-- ryuji: "whoa, awesome! ..... i don't really get it, but awesome!" fjdsafds okay that got a laugh outta me. good one, ryuji.

-- ren: "i'm excited, too." (said in a monotone) fjklsadsl BLESS THIS BOY

-- ren's FACE when he learns that futaba installed a spying app on his phone and can hear him/see pictures he takes is...... kind of hilarious. especially if you have the headcanon that he and akechi send dumbass snapchats to each other a lot--which i do. and which you do now, too.

-- mona's depression is ten times more sad because he's a cat okay :c why they gotta make the cat so cute

-- ren, ryuji, and ann's lil sleepover is adorable. especially since ann chastises ryuji for not knowing one of the basic rules of a sleepover: if you start talkin' about your crushes, you gotta start with your own~ thems the rules lads

-- rip principal bloatneck.

-- honestly that truck shoulda at least TRIED to stop.

-- "A LO HA." goddammit that's adorable

AND HE GIVES THE LEI NECKLACE TO MONA FJDSKFJDSKL ren you're so SWEET.

-- I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT MONA CALLS SAE "ONEE-NO-NIIJIMA" FJADSKLFJDSKL ahhhh it's so cute.

-- the PT targeting okumura, who is essentially the dave thomas with political ambitions of the persona 5 world, is far funnier now that i phrase it like that.

-- ANN, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, SAYING THAT THEY PROBABLY BROUGHT THIS RECENT TROUBLE ON THEMSELVES, IS A FUCKING STUPID WRITING DECISION. I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE DIDN'T LOOK AT THAT AND GO, "ANN WOULDN'T SAY THIS. ANN HAS NO REASON TO SAY IT." god. lmao PLEASe let p5r be a goddamn second draft.

-- mona's totally right that ryuji's just concerned with getting popular and his dick wet. like,,, that's why this argument only made me hate ryuji more than i already did. he gets pissy when mona points out the truth.

god he sucks lmao

I'M SORRY I'M SO SALTY YOU GUYS

LOOK I'LL SAY SOMETHING NICE: SAE AND AKECHI ARE COOL

-- i really like how guarded akechi's face looks in his conversation with sae, and how off his guard he looks when she tells him that she's not going to hold back, especially since the culprit is doing such dire, awful things. he's not exactly surprised, but he's definitely uneasy and shaken by what he hears. which makes me wonder who he’s really concerned for--himself, or for ren (and the PT by extension, but akechi only really seems to care about ren, so).

the reason i like that is because the okumura arc in p5 is really where akechi's mind starts its downward spiral. principal kobayakawa's death obviously rattled him, especially since the only reason the principal died was because shido saw him as useless and disposable, something akechi is desperate NEVER TO BE. and it's that + what happens with okumura that really kicks him over the edge.

i hope p5r will give us the chance to pull him back from it. he deserves a better chance than the game's subpar writing gave to him.

thoughts on episode 20:

-- ren wakes up in a panic because he thinks he sees mona on his bed ;___________;

-- goro snoopin' on the PT's LOUD, TOTALLY CONSPICUOUS conversation in front of okumura foods' HQ is kind of adorable if you remember he clearly loves star wars (HE HAS A LIGHT SABER), and the camera cuts to his face right as they're talking about big bang and outer space lingo.

-- oh, haru. i really wish you were the black mask. that would've been so much cooler--and an actual twist. her total hopeless panic about being a beauty thief could still be a thing (because it is actually endearing), it'd just be an act. but that's me talkin' fix-its again.

-- i really like the scene of haru defending mona to the PT on the rooftop, then cutting to show just how strained her relationship is with her father. she exists to be useful to her father's ambitions and nothing else, and that scene really drove home just how painful that is for her.

-- REN TWIRLS HIS HAIR BETWEEN TWO FINGERS WHEN HE'S DEEP IN THOUGHT. AHHHHHHH I FORGOT HE DID THAT

-- oh hey remember how the game went through the trouble of showing how haru's fiance is a sexist, violent, animal-hurting piece of shit and then promptly failed to actually separate her from him in game (i think you only can do that in her s-link?? the s-link you can barely finish in your first run of the game??), and in t hEN SHOWED HER IN THE CAR WITH HIM LATER, LOOKING HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

god this story makes me so fucking mad lmfao STOP PUTTING GIRLS IN PHYSICALLY OR SEXUALLY VIOLENT PERIL AND NEVER ACTUALLY ENSURING THAT THEY'RE SAFE, YOU DAVID CAGE LEVEL OF HACK BULLSHIT WRITERS.

-- ryuji running into the attic, all worried about mona, with a first aid kit, is..... very good. very good and endearing. good on you, ryuji.

-- haru gently encouraging mona to tell the truth is also really good. idk if i just missed it in the game or what, but i really like how she's presented in the anime. she's like a counterpart to ren--soft, sincere, observant, patient, yet she's made of pure steel beneath all that.

thoughts on episode 21:

-- WHY WAS HARU'S GRANDFATHER GIVING COFFEE TO A FIVE YEAR OLD

-- haru, the reason your father's heart grew twisted is thanks to capitalism. you gotta change the heart of capitalism.

-- not to be all poochie here but whenever akechi isn't on screen, all i can ask myself is whERE'S AKECHI?

-- HOW CAN I TAKE THE EVIL DAVE THOMAS SERIOUSLY WHEN HE'S DRESSED LIKE FUCKIN MEGAMIND?

-- okay see this is where i'm thrown completely out of the story or even really liking haru. haru just listened to her dad's shadow saying he would PIMP HER OUT TO HER FIANCE WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. and she still is just like ~no i want him to go back to being kind~

bitch are you nuts

are you NUTS

youR DAd SHOULD DIE AND YOU'D BE BETTER OFF

CONSIDERING HOW THE GAME GOES, YOU ARe BETTER OFF

god. i'm getting so mad again lmao

-- ren approaching haru to point out that if the truth of her father's crimes comes to light, she'll forever be associated with him (and with all the harm and ruined reputation that brings) is, once again, further reminder of just how... damn good ren is. he doesn't hesitate to speak from the heart nor does he ever fail to listen to someone else speak from theirs.

-- also not for nothing but uh

how did the cops not like

figure out how the PT phan-site was set up within the first few months and track it down to mishima? was that ever addressed at all?

-- honestly another reason why i get so fucking mad about this okumura stuff is the game goes SO FAR OUT OF ITS WAY to make you feel BAD that he died, when he was by all rights a fucking shitheel monster, yet when akechi dies it's like 'oh well. that sucked.' fuck off, atlus. the death of a greedy, heartless CEO isn't more sad just because his gaslit daughter is conditioned to be sad about it.

i understand that a large part of the shock after okumura's death is because the PT don't know if they did anything wrong. but okumura was in no way a good person. he was in no way a person whose redemption overruled all the hurt and harm he did. that has been the case for EVERY PT target before this, so why the fuck is okumura suddenly so different? why SHOULD he be?

the difference between him and, say, akechi is that okumura et. al. all made those choices on their own to do terrible things. they delighted in it, they enjoyed it. but akechi, much like futaba, was forced into a cycle of self-destruction--it’s just that in futaba’s case, her self-destruction targeted herself, and akechi’s was quite literally weaponized and used against others. he approached shido as a young teenager and was then used by him for years.

a teenage boy being used as a magical hitman by his shitlord father is far more deserving of sympathy and redemption than grown adults who willingly make the decision to harm, abuse, and prey on others. but no, the game didn’t want to do that.

this is another big problem i have with p5's second and third acts: it's so tonally dissonant and sloppy. it's like they didn't try to actually be as rebellious and hellraiser-y as the first act WANTED to be, and it all ends up being such a limp-dick shriveled mess of "let's fight against this rotten society!! ......... as long as it in no way actually upsets anyone or does any REAL change." fuck off lmao

that's not me even commenting on the "twist" and how it needed to be explained MULTIPLE TIMES to the player for it to make any sense.

and it still doesn't make sense to me btw.

so that's another thing i hope p5r fixes.

-- rip evil dave thomas megamind.

-- akechi floating the idea to sae that the phantom thieves had nothing to do with okmura’s death is............................ interesting.

[riskeith]

i couldn’t stop smiling reading your last message i’m literally so happy atm. you’re so cute and i’m SO happy. i reread it three times and giggled so loud my brother asked why i was laughing... 🥺 he’s in the next freaking room 🥺

sappiness aside: YES!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE? i wish i could give my luck to you as you deserve it much more ): it’s true but it’s still important if you wanna do well in combat sadly haha dhdydbjdnd like you said it’s very inconvenient to have a unbalanced team but i decided that i’m just gonna switch around with the characters i have when it’s needed yk? they’re all mostly around the same levels so it works fine rn.. or it will until i have to focus on who i want to focus on ascending when i get to higher levels bc payments and materials and all.. sigh there’s so much to think about with too many cute characters... anyway how many rolls have you done since you started playing? do you remember?

OH???? is it easier on pc? i’ve always enjoyed smaller consoles tbh (like switch or even phone) bc it’s easier to focus so it wasn’t that difficult for me. but like you said it might just be a ‘getting used to it’ thing. also now that you’ve seen both; which differences are there in the game? are you gonna have two different accs?

i did restart it from the first ep!!! i figured i might as well get the ~full~ experience. it’s been a while too so it’s like a new experience but not rly? it’s like traveling back to your home country and you’re like wow... i belong here even if i’m not here all the time dhsjsjdhfh bad example but you know what i mean?i’ll keep you updated! rn i’m at training camp part of s1 and it’s great!!! just having a blast tbh. needed this especially now that school is back... :(

i guess we are talking about voltron in 20fucking21. i don’t know if i love that for us or not.... (our honeymoon can be whenever you want babe pick a date and i’m There 😏)

pls unrequited love is soo good. it hurts but it’s good too? haha, maybe if one has experiences with it it just hits different yk? but i’m with you—watching voltron i always always had the headcanon that keith first started to feel smth for lance in the ‘we did it’ scene and actually thought ‘i’m in love’ during the black lion scene. like the proof is all there... s8 and the sunset scene just proves his longlasting feelings nobody can tell me otherwise. keith is the type to cherish the people he loves a lot because he barely has anyone and that means putting their happiness above anything else and lance’s happiness was allura for a while and he just... accepted that despite yearning . god . i always think about is bittersweet smile while having his speech. it’s like; i know that you’re great and you should know that you’re great too and if she can’t see it she doesn’t deserve you.

you freaking out over the leave the math to pidge scene... losing my fucking mind. girl they’re literally in love fuckinf crying 😭😭😭😭😭 they depend on each other SO much like the show runners always push the ‘hunk and lance bffs’ agenda ok sure but in the show hunk was never there for lance the same way keith was. they just eased each other’s anxieties without having any expectations on each other at all? yet they surpassed all of them. the other was just.. there. always. remember the ‘we all miss shiro’ scene too???? the entire team looked at lance and wanted him to step up!!!!!! like HELLO??????? and the second lance spoke keith just calmed down... kill me now. if that doesn’t show much trust and appriciation and respect there was between them idk what does. and the fact that the others know that despite their differences they still need each other just..... yeah. *cries*

YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD. i get you tho klance is just... comfort ship but the ship that leaves you depressed too. i’m sure you could still write them perfectly but i’m absolutely in no way pressuring you at all you truly don’t have to if you can’t. i know how hard it can be to write when the motivation is just not there... :/ anyway idk what i’d prompt i just love your fics babe hsjdhdjdjdk. that’s so boring of me to say help but everything you write i love so.. surprise me? i can’t believe you have a final klance fic tho that sounds so sad.... ): i’m curious what it’s about but maybe it’s better to keep it hush hush.. hm?

i hope you’ve slept well!! you make me so happy!! kisses! xxxxxx

FHSJFKDS that makes /me/ so happy to hear!!! i was sitting on my bed smiling like a FOOL reading this ahahahaha. and soz to your brother but what can i say 🤪🤪

nooooo im so glad you got a 5 star already pls it’s fine im just gonna use all my primogems on xiao banner and it’ll end up okay fhskjdfds. yeah just switching charas in when needed totally works too! it’s just annoying when you accidentally get caught up in combat and it’s just ‘oop im level 1 against level 50′ AHAH. (tho i guess you won’t run into that issue yet?) honestly yeah there’s so much to do with the characters like ascending, constellations, talents, weapons, it’s just like.. what do i do first.... and who..... afhdskjfhsjf sometimes i just want to use character bc pretty and that should be enough 😔

hmmmm for the character event banner I believe i’m at 60 or 70 rn? so i’m reaaaally close to pity which is why when xiao comes 🙏🙏🙏 and for the standard banner i have no idea, maybe 40? so yeahhhh LOL... i keep saying this (and i better not be jinxing it BUT) im hoping it’ll all pay off...... i hope it’s all been building up for xiao... c6 xiao.. come home FHDKSJHDS

i definitely prefer it on PC! controls aside i just like the bigger screen tbh (my laptop is 15″). mostly the differences are the controls/buttons! since you can’t hold down multiple buttons at once on mobile, they’ve got more to cover all the functions (pc doesn’t have an extra dash button, we just right click or press shift; if we’re in the air i think one of the buttons turns into the drop down/plunge, rather than showing like 3 on mobile? i can’t remember precisely but yeahhh; there’s also the joystick on the left side of the screen on mobile that obviously isn’t there on pc bc we have the keyboard. it’s also harder to move the camera around whilst doing things on mobile i feel?) 

and nah i don’t think i’ll make another acc, esp since i’ve gotten so far into game already but i did definitely think about it as a possibility ahahah (bc of my bad luck... i was wondering if i did a reroll (second) acc i might be able to get diluc FJKHSKDFS)

omg it feels like coming home what a good description 😩😩 haikyuu is just such a fun warm experience! legit so comforting and light-hearted but also get deep when it needs to be. oh yes training camp <33 gosh they were so young then :’) HAHAAH. and noooooo school has started up for you again? rip i wish you the best of luck 😔💪

maybe 2k21 is the year of revisiting old things...... god voltron ended in 2018 can you BELIEVE that (😏😏😏 i was gonna mention playing genshin co-op together (even back when you first started) HAAHAH but i assume you play in europe server? im asia rip 😥)

WE DID IT WE ARE A GOOD TEAM!! THE FUCKING PURPLE AROUND THEM!!!! THE SMILEEEE OH MY GOD THE BONDING MOMENT THE. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every time you mentioned a single line or scene im just. all the memories come flooding back fhdsfkhsdjf. hang on a second.. they are red and blue.... the scene was purple... surely i knew this back then but im thinking about it now and?????/ oh my god

the sunset scene!!!!!!!!!! that is Peak pining keith unrequited love and pain scene... my goodness. “that means putting their happiness above anything else” NOOOOOOOOOOO you are so right tho 😭😭😭😭😭 please keith deserves the univerise <333 :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( the fact that lance seeked him out for that too.. just like old times.. “you can sure be a hard guy to find when you wanna be huh” the way i still remember that ugh they really were my everything 😔

YES!! like they pushed the whole lance+hunk+pidge thing but then in the actual show had hunk+pidge treat lance like shit and belittle him so often?? like ?????????? (once again where fanon saves us 😩) and oh my god yeah.. when everyone turned to him and lance like walked up to keith and then said all that.. we actually had so many moments?? god. *cries with you*

speaking of shiro.. s06e05 the black paladins!!! “shiro.. please.. you’re my brother.. i love you..” “just let go, keith” 😭😭 keith suffered so much AND FOR WHAT my god i miss him so much oh no

FSHFKJDS “surprise me” the only reason im asking is bc i have no ideas!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i shall think.. (and if you want to think and help me out too.. 👐) & i’ve actually posted about that final fic a lot! LMAO that’s how you know i know i’m never gonna finish fdskhfksjd but in case you do wanna see, here are some links: one, two, three

thank you!! i stayed up to 4am like an idiot LOL but i swear today.... and same 😭 im so so happy to have met you 🥰❣ muah! xoxoxox

[kuuxkat]

[EN]Lisani Vol. 27.1 Interview with Kusuda Aina

Translated and Typeset by: @kuuxkat / QC by: ~mega @ #teamonibe

Sourced from: Nanmiyai / Original TL by: _星小光 here

Images from: @emitsunosaurus-rex

DO NOT USE THE SUBS FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES! 

Contents under the Cut!

Typeset Images link: here

[Beginning only from 1 CD, being  able to receive so many people’s support and love, I really feel very blessed]

I don’t feel that I am acting as Nozomi, but I feel that [Nozomi] - this person truly exists. -- It has been around half a year since [µ's Final LoveLive! ~µ'sic Forever♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪~], What moments make you think about things relating to [LoveLive!] or µ's? Kussun: Half a year, huh…. It feels like It feels like it's been a lot longer. Whenever I meet people at my new work places,, they’ll always tell me: [You performed in Tokyo Dome before, right? That’s amazing.], topics like that. So there are many opportunities for me to think about those memories. Whenever I think about my voice actress activities, as expected I felt that my first job is the recording of [Bokura no LIVE Kimi to no LIFE (僕らのLIVE 君とのLIFE lit. Our LIVE, Our LIFE with you)], to me it’s a very important starting point. -- At the beginning when you heard that you would be performing a LIVE at Tokyo Dome, what were your thoughts? Kussun: [Tokyo Dome… that’s the place where they play baseball right?] I said at that time (laughs). Of course, as I did visit (Tokyo Dome) it before as part of the audience, so I felt that to be able to perform a LIVE at Tokyo Dome is an amazing thing. But, rather than ‘that’, the fact that it’s ‘Final’ really touched me more. Nevertheless, just like all the LIVEs before this, I still carried with me the same serious attitude to make the LIVE successful together with Nozomi and the other μ's members. -- To be able to be at Tokyo Dome (Performing a Live), do you feel that it was a coincidence? Kussun: That’s true… Of course, to be able to be at such a big stage with so many people together to hold a LIVE, I feel that it’s a very wonderful experience. --During the dress rehearsals, what were your feelings like? Kussun: When it’s all empty, the venue gives us the feel that it wasn’t that big… At the top of Tokyo Dome there was a large screen, so even during the daytime, it’s super bright and you can clearly see the audience~ But as the venue is in a circular shape, so I do feel that the rectangular shaped Saitama Super Arena feels further. And after hearing that the back of the stage would have audiences too, it means that from left to right we’ll be surrounded by fans, it really gives the feel that it’s a major event. -- When the LIVE was about to begin, what was the atmosphere like backstage? Kussun: I guess it felt very busy? At that time, everyone has their own way of focusing their attention, we ate while being massaged and then went about our own way with our preparatory work. I kept thinking: [Ah~~ I’m so nervous], like that (laughs). And when everyone was sitting in a row doing their makeup, someone played songs and everyone sang together. These small things, it’s just like what we’ll normally do together. -- When it officially began, it feels like that you were a natural on stage. Kussun: When I first started on stage, the faces of the audiences felt even clearer than any other time. As I could see smiles that were more radiant than anything else, so naturally I felt even happier. Before, I was so nervous that I could not even eat properly, but I was just so happy after appearing on stage, so five hours just passed by without me noticing. -- When an event like ‘that’ LIVE ended, what were your thoughts? Kussun: Although I felt kind of relaxed after Day 2 ended, but actually when Day 1 ended, I had a terrible time. It might be because I had the thoughts of: [Tomorrow is the last!] and it might have made my entire body stiffen a little tightly? I suffered a sprain during the middle of the performance. And the day before, we had a dress rehearsal that lasted quite late, so I guess my body was extremely tired. Although I felt very happy, but when I returned back stage it was like I had asthma, I couldn’t even walk properly… actually I was carried out. -- Eh!? But on stage, with your smiles and dance, we couldn’t tell at all... Kussun: I guess it’s because while you’re on stage, I told myself that I have to gut it out? Although I keep on thinking: [It hurts!], but I felt that if I gave up now, I’ll regret it in the future. And that’s why, on Day 2 after feeling the full extent of everyone’s support, I feel relaxed after it had ended. -- At Day 2, when you left the stage, at that very instant, what were you thinking? Kussun: [I think I remembered hearing that Tokyo Dome could only be used till 21:00 hrs, do we have a problem with the timing?] I was coolly thinking about it at that time (laughs), and I also felt that [This past six years has been a blessing, huh?], there were lots of emotions and thoughts welling about. Of course I did think that [I don’t want to end just yet]. Although I won’t say that my memories keep spinning around like a rotating lamp, but I guess that was the feeling at that time. -- It feels like all the thoughts that you accumulated all this time has been awakened, huh? Kussun: It was a very spacious stage right? But from all the stages so far, it gives the sensation of being closest to the audience. Sweeping over the audience one by one, it’s like I could see everyone’s faces, it makes me feel that I can remember every instant very clearly. Upholding a “Being Ignorant means strength” mindset that surpassed all turmoil for the past six years. -- Do you remember the scene where you first met Nozomi? Kussun: My first meeting with Nozomi was when a file with a concept art was sent to my home. My first impression of her was a very introverted and shy person. The feel of the kind of person that will hide behind someone’s back, I thought too that it could be someone like Hanayo-chan. But after the broadcast [Nice to meet you] and the performances in the TV Anime, my impression of her gradually changed too. -- No matter how you look at it, you’ll feel that Kusuda-san’s distance with Nozomi is very close, it feels like even in reality, the two of you are growing together. Kussun: For me, I don’t feel that I am acting as Nozomi. Of course I am indeed casted in this role, but because [Nozomi], this individual really exists, so I’m not acting, and I’m not injecting life into her or anything, but I feel she is by my side… just like myself, and like a good friend, it feels that we have quite an unfathomable relationship, right (laughs)? -- Both Kusuda-san and Nozomi’s growth has a familiarity that gave everyone strong impressions of it after all. Kussun: It’s true, as the Nozomi in the TV anime grew, I too had places where I grew too, but flipping it over, it is the same too… so it is a little different, it feels like she is a [comrade]? -- Do you yourself feel that the distance between you and Nozomi is getting closer and closer? Kussun: Before I did feel that I didn’t understand Nozomi. When the first season of the TV Anime just began, I came in contact with the Toujou Nozomi before she became a member of μ's, I discovered that side of her that I didn’t know before and it was very unexpected. At that time I was a little lost too. Before the first season of the TV Anime, there wasn’t much content written about Nozomi’s thoughts. Regardless of her background, what was the feelings she carried with her as she helped formed μ's. Regarding those, at that time, I thought about it lots. - After thinking about those for a while, do you feel that the distance did indeed shorten a little? Kussun: As an example, I think that between friends, completely understanding each other is impossible. There’ll always be something that we don’t know. But those portions that you don’t know, will it be important than all the other things from before? After going through the TV Anime and multiple LIVE, I feel that my distance with her had shortened lots in one go, and as a result the special bond between us was formed. -- Do you remember the things that happen during the first ever recording? Kussun: I remember it very clearly~ The one recording before me was Emitsun (Nitta Emi), as this is my first time recording, so they let me sit in. I thought in my heart: [So that’s how you do a recording huh?] and it was filled with a sense of freshness., but I also thought that the air-conditioning was being too effective and thought [it’s so cold!] like that, (laughs). As I’m someone whose hands would go cold when I am nervous, I remember at that time it was just so cold, so when I was singing my voice couldn’t be projected properly. So I couldn’t sing like what I imagined I would be able to, and I felt that the recording was very difficult, I was totally clueless too about the equipment in the recording room. -- The song that left an impression would be? Kussun: All of them~ No matter which song I would remember it clearly,  but if I have to choose, I guess it would be [Snow halation]. The memory of the first time recording it was that of a very bitter fight. In the SOLO version, they allowed me to record it again. As at the time it was just after 1st LIVE, so I was able to sing it out very naturally. During that  time I felt my own growth. As this song was released again as part of the Album [Heart of Magic Garden2] and went through a new arrange by Itō Masumi Itō, we performed it again. So to me it’s a song that was recorded the most number of times, so I had a very strong impression of it. -- Do you have any thoughts about 1st LIVE? Kussun: I guess the staff had it even tougher. To me it didn’t seem that bad, or perhaps it’s the first LIVE that we weren’t too worried about. In any case, at that time it was a case of getting done what we were told about beforehand. Thinking about it, at that time when I didn’t know much about the situation, became a very strong weapon for me. So as after I continued to gain experience, the pressure that I have to face got even stronger. -- So this means that as the event venue changes and it gets bigger, the pressure that you feel also increases proportionately, right? Kussun: The LIVE at Pacifico Yokohama, I was especially nervous. When it came for us to go on stage, I was soo nervous that I almost cried out. I remember Mimorin telling me: [You can’t, okay, not now!] (laughs). -- So I heard that Kusuda-san was already crying at the start, but you cried at the end too right? Kussun: Actually, at that time we already knew that the next LIVE would be held at Saitama Super Arena. So at that time I felt that, if Pacifico Yokohama’s LIVE was not a success, I won’t be able to stand up to the pressure at Saitama Super Arena. At the stage that we stood on during [Animelo Summer Live], only the nine of us would be holding LIVEs on two consecutive days, the uneasiness of whether we could do it and what not kept on growing bigger and bigger. I feel that is the time period when us members spoke to each other the most. It’s also at that time, it was an opportunity for us members to get closer to each other too. -- Following that is last year, a surge of activities that began since Summer. Kussun: As to me [LoveLive!] is an existence that is natural, so although many people said to me: [It’s really amazing~], I have this feeling of: [Is that so?]. Perhaps as during [MUSIC STATION] or [Kōhaku Uta Gassen], we didn’t get to see how the reactions were like during the broadcast, and so it ended without us realizing the full depth of the situation, it is a pity. But after watching the program feed, I could only think in my heart: [So that’s what’s recorded huh?] - I had feelings like that (laughs). I guess this is also the good side effect of being kept in the dark about the situation. If the same situation would happen again, I might be all nerves.

-- So besides preparing for the LIVE, this large swathe of activities does let one being unable to get a firm grip of the situation right? (referring to the large amount of activities last year) Kussun: That might just be the case. But, knowing that so many people recognized and likes [LoveLive!] This is something that makes me feel happy when I knew about this. . Please gift some words to the comrades that walked with you all the way till here. -- We’ll ask again, after going through this past six years period, what are your feelings right now? Kussun: How do I put it, I guess it’s an indescribable feeling. Such incidents you might only meet it once in a lifetime, no, if you are living a normal life you might never meet one right? It has been an unbelievable six years, if I start recollecting from the start, at that time there were definitely many different things happening, and at that time everything that I faced, I put my all to do it. So right now, looking back, to some degree I feel that [All of these, it is just a dream right?]. It really just went by in a flash. I want to say that nothing much had changed, but on the other hand actually these six years had brought many changes… in the end, what am I trying to say?? (laughs)

 -- It’s filled with many different kinds of feelings huh? (laughs) Kussun: Even now just trying to remember the things that happen in the past six years, I still don’t think that this is real. I do feel that if I think about this after 10 years, 20 years, it’ll have a: [it’s really an exciting six years, huh?] - those kind of thoughts, right? -- The eight members that you have spent together in the past six years, what kind of existence are they to you, Kusuda-san? Kussun:  Mm… what kind of existence are they huh… I feel very happy to be able to see everyone performing actively on their own stage, I’ll think that I need to work harder too. They are good rivals, but are also companions, but aren’t friends though. Of course our relations aren’t bad (laughs). Bu rather than call us friends, rather, in this six year period, they are the teammates that have gone through the same activities I did. We are a group whose relations are very good, although we won’t want to play together every day, but we would often think of things about each other. From today onwards we’ll definitely have a camaraderie that would never be broken, that’s how it feels.

 If I can say something to Nozomi now, it’ll be: [I hope you can be happy] -- To who you just said was a comrade, Nozomi. If you are able to say something to her, what would you want to say? Kussun: That’s true, if I want to say something to her… I would want to ask her: [Is the ‘you’ now, smiling? Are you happy?] Although it’s not the same as asking just one sentence, but I feel that if she is happy now, that’ll be great. I guess that’s true, I guess what I want to say to her is: [I hope you can be happy]. -- To be able to hear you say that, I think that Nozomi now would be thinking the same thing. Kussun: Mm…. if that’s the case, I’ll be very happy (laughs). -- Finally, please say something to the fans too. Kussun: Thank you everyone for always supporting us. This past six years, starting from one CD, to being able to be loved and supported by so many people, I am really blessed. This feeling, I won’t ever forget it. Thank you very much everyone.

[nogitsunelichen]

150 Sterek Prompt Challenge

So this is literally the 150 Drabble Challenge, but I plan on doing all of them. Now I’d simply just write it, but I already have several that are in the ask box format! SOOOOO my ocd is getting the best of me. I wanna do it all as a way to boost my writing confidence while not getting locked into a long fic. So here’s the complete list down below, I’ll strike off the ones I have already done. Please, ask away!! Do multiple if you want! :) 

FIND ALL COMPLETED DRABBLES ON AO3

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“How long have you been standing there?” (here)

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.” (here)

“Who gave you that black eye?” (here)

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” (here)

“I just like proving you wrong.”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“Forget it. You fucking suck.”

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” (here)

“I’m pregnant.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Take. It. Off.” (here)

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.” (here)

“I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

“Stop it! It tickles!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.” (here)

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“He’s a bad kisser.”

“You can scream if you want.”

“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

“We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.” (here)

“One of them’s missing.”

“Save some for me.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You’re still mad?”

“Come over here and make me.” (here)

“You better watch yourself.”

“Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

“Why did we have to have kids?”

“Call on Line 1”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

“I’m done! You can fix it!”

“Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

“Where did he go?”

“You leave whenever you feel like it.”

“I forgot I was a single parent.” (here)

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.” (here)

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.”

“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“I thought you were dead!”

“I thought it was a one-night-stand…and now we’re married…” (here)

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“Quit touching me. Your feet are cold.”

“You know you want it, sweetheart.” (here)

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  (here)

“You just wanted them because the light up.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.”

“He thinks he’s a mind reader.” (here)

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I don’t do hugs.”

“Don’t talk anymore.”

“I’m just a guy with a wife, two kids, and a Harley.”

“How do I even put up with you?”

“I said get rid of it.”

“They didn’t just find out. They already knew!” (here)

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.” (here)

“Can you just man up and change his diaper?”

“Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.” (here)

“I have a secret.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“He’s four years old!!”

“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“You’re a dork, just like your father.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Daddy!”

“I lost our child.” (here)

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?” (here)

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”(here)

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m not your boss? Well then who is?” (here)

“You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.” (here)

“Come on, baby, up to bed.”

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Am I scaring you?”

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.” (here)

“And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

“Trust me.”

“Scoot over a little bit, please.”

“You’re so clingy, I love it.” (here)

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.” (here)

“Did they hurt you?”

“You’re cute when you’re all worried.” (here)

“Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You got a cute butt.” (here)

“I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.” (here)

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

“Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

“…or we can chill in our underwear.”

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“Keep pedaling and don’t stop, okay?”

“You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

“Have you seen my contacts?”

“Life is a highway, and I’m always drunk. So I’m not driving.”

“Quit stalling. Where’s your father?”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?”

“I prefer blondes.”

“No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

“I let you win.”

“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“Can I do your hair?”

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.” (here)

“I told you not to jump on the bed!”

“He’s pampering me, let him be.”

“Ready or not, here I come.”

“I’m worried about losing my job!”

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

“Happy new year!”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!” (here)

“You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

“It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

“I’ll give you a massage.”

“You fell asleep in the tub?!”

“Are you doodling?”

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

“Slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.”

“Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

“Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

“We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re worse than the kids.” (here)

“Is this our closet? Or your closet?”

“If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

“Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

“Use your words.” (here)

“Hold my hand so he gets jealous.” (here)

“Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

“Get out of my face before I hit you.”

“I don’t care if your 4 or 40, you don’t hit people.”

“You only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.”

“Look! Fireflies!”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?” (here)

“I just need ten minutes.”

*Make Your Own*

Here’s the link to the original DRABBLE CHALLENGE

[shattered-glass-shattered-mind]

8] I have been squicked/triggered (somewhere in between) a grand total of three (3) times today Jesus fucking God

Rape tw under the cut

The first time was the very nasty surprise of finding out Professor Achilles Milo is NOT, in fact, one of Mama’s OCs (meaning I wouldn’t see or read him unless I chose to) but is instead a canon character to the DC franchise. As soon as she said in the stream that he’d be appearing in the episode I just got this sick sense of dread and oh my God he looks even creepier than I thought he would Jesus fucking Christ. I had to wrap myself in my blanket like halfway through the episode because I felt chilly and gross and I could barely look at the screen whenever he appeared.

Then she sent links in the Skype chat to his wiki page and something else I don’t remember (with these even creepier thumbnail images oh Lord) so that I could learn more about him and I was just like AAAAAHAHAHAHA NO PLEASE and she was like SERIOUSLY I DIDN’T MAKE HIM UP and then I was like YEAH NO I UNDERSTAND THAT GET IT AWAY FROM ME

She removed the links after realising I was uncomfortable and she’s gonna warn me in future streams before he shows up and that’s very nice of her but I am still quite the confusion because this isn’t the first time it’s happened

The first time was when she, upon my request, sent an excerpt from her fanfic of her OC Reaper confiding in another character that Milo had raped her and gotten her pregnant. I knew about that, even without reading it, from what I’d seen of Reaper’s kid and read in her profile and what Mama had said in previous conversations. Logically I should’ve been prepared for that excerpt--Hell, logically, I should’ve been fine with it (after all, I suffered no lasting damage from The Great Fuck Shit™ of ‘05, right? Right?), not just prepared. But after reading it I felt sick and I started sweating and meanwhile I’m goin’ like what the FUCK IS THIS @ my body y u do dis

So that festered for like a week and a half (was it really that long??? it felt like so much shorter, I’m just going by what the timestamps tell me) before I asked Mama to tell me which chapters of her fanfics touch down on what Milo did to Reaper (she agreed of course because she is Mama and looks after her symbolic children) but apparently that didn’t help (or at least not enough) because the very next day I woke up to Muse telling me she’s decided Locah is going to get raped by their ex-boyfriend Prince and miscarry GiGi and Cam’s first kid. I tried to argue against it like ‘No, you’re copying Reaper, people know you know each other, they’re gonna notice the similarity and call you out on it, Prince is kinda weirded out by the fact Locah is intersex anyways, it’s not our place to do this because we barely even remember what happened and aren’t “““““scarred”““““ by it and that’s what we’ve already transferred to Artemis anyways, if you’re taking this from Barron’s creepitude then you’re blowing it way out of proportion, this didn’t happen to us so we shouldn’t be writing it’.

She yelled at me. Muse hardly ever gets angry at me so that’s saying something. She was like ‘REALLY??? THIS EXACT THING??? Do you know how many authors write about shit like this when nothing even remotely similar happened to them or even somebody they knew personally?! At least you have that ahead of them!

‘Artemis??? NEW RULE APPARENTLY: Writers limited to one (1) rape victim and/or miscarriage per family, sorry everyone!

‘And as for that “blowing it out of proportion” bullshit--that’s what I DO!!! I take your feelings and experiences and I amplify them, I take them apart, I combine them with other elements, I reuse them! I’ve been doing this since we were five years old, is this suddenly a new fucking concept to you?!

‘He’s weirded out by--motherfucker. Rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power, control, and FEAR. Now I don’t know about you but to me that sounds right up the alley of the controlling, abusive, stalker-y YELLOW LANTERN. He doesn’t do it because he’s horny, he does it because he wants to destroy them. He wants to punish Locah for defying him. He wants to make them hurt, fuck them up, scar them permanently in every possible way--and oh boy am I going to have a lot of fun making up the physical ones.

‘And lastly, we aren’t copying Reaper. She isn’t the only character to be written in that situation and she won’t be the last either. Besides, the motivation behind Milo’s attack on Reaper and the history between them is different than that of Prince and Locah anyways. There are similarities, yes, and we will acknowledge them when the time comes, but this is different.

‘Do you really think I’m just doing this for story spice and shock value?!! Do you really think I would ever do that, especially considering how angry you get at others for it??? This WILL present character development for Locah. You need to let me do this, I’m GOING to do this, and I’d love to see anybody try and stop me!’

Only louder. When I told her ‘Okay, but they’re not getting pregnant from it too,’ I got a derisive snort and an aggressive ‘Yeah. We’ll see,’ in response. And really, I suppose I knew this was going to happen eventually; the thought of Prince attacking Locah in that way fleetingly occurred to me multiple times but I kept shoving it away. I guess Muse finally got tired of it. 

I think she’s right; after I drew a vent piece of the aftermaths of Locah’s rape I felt better. I’d put it here if I could but then you would know who I am and where to find me since my watermark has my dA handle plus anybody following this blog (or that may follow it in the future) who knows me from elsewhere would recognise Locah immediately. But then again anybody following this blog who knows me wouldn’t need to think too hard to decode the aliases I’ve used throughout this blog for myself, my friends, and our characters and figure out who I am that way.

Okay I forgot where this was going and I didn’t mean for it to go in this direction but apparently it did

Oh yeah the other two times were me coming across a md/lb blog (like ew) and a dd post (also ew)

Anyways that was my day, I hope all yours were better

[caveartfair]

8 Leading Artists on How to Build Confidence

We talk a lot about what it takes to be an artist. We focus on the failure and rejection that artists need to overcome, the hustle they must maintain, and the financial duress that the vast majority of them endure. To stand by your practice, become a target of criticism, and continue to pursue a career as an artist—even when the prospect of selling and exhibiting your art appears bleak—requires confidence.

Artists encounter unique challenges. They are required to continually make new work that feels original and significant, but not too close to that of their peers and predecessors. They encounter public audiences that are quick to deem contemporary art esoteric or absurd. Unsurprisingly, the high stakes drive some to feel the debilitating anxiety of “impostor syndrome,” the psychological phenomenon whereby a person underestimates their accomplishments and fears they may be a talentless fraud. Even the most successful artists can, at times, feel this way.

The internationally renowned artist Shirin Neshat admits to questioning herself often—but, she asserts, having doubts is only human. She remembers a particularly resonant piece of advice she received early on in her career from the late legend, artist Vito Acconci: “He told me rejections and disappointments hurt no matter what stage of your career, and so as a serious artist, you have to understand you will remain vulnerable,” she said. We recently reached out to Neshat and seven other leading contemporary artists to learn about their own experiences with doubt and impostor syndrome, and their strategies for building confidence.

Ursula von Rydingsvard

Follow your intuition

Portrait of Ursula von Rydingsvard by Alan Rokach. Courtesy of the artist.

“It’s okay to not know where you’re going as an artist. There will be possibilities for liberating things you thought you could never let go of. And for failure. I’ve experienced failure so deep that I ended up burning my sculpture; they burn for two days. You will rarely know what the right thing to do is as there are so few absolutely right things in life…instead, follow the quiet nudges of your intuition.”

Spencer Finch

Let doubt into your work

Portrait of Spencer Finch, 1988. Courtesy of the artist.

“Of all my many syndromes, the impostor syndrome is my favorite. I still feel like a total faker, even after all these years. I guess by now it’s pathological. However, I don’t think doubt is necessarily a bad thing, unless it totally paralyzes you. I used to be wracked by doubt on a pretty continuous basis, but now it just comes around about once a year, like an old friend, whom I welcome for a brief visit and then send on their way.

“My predominant doubt is not about how good my art is per se, but rather about the whole enterprise of artmaking—i.e., what’s the fucking point? The artists I admire most embed a sense of doubt—a questioning of what art is—within the work they make, and that is a method that I have adapted to my own practice. I think of it as a sort of psychological ‘box with sound of its own making,’ where the sound is a very resigned ‘hmmmmmm.’”

William Wegman

Find an audience outside of your circle

Portrait of William Wegman. Courtesy of the artist.

“I have always been confident which I think is built in... but this state became stronger when people I didn’t know—not my mother and aunt—teachers and fellow students, reacted positively to my work, especially in the video of the early ’70s. So I would say try to find an audience outside your circle. I really loved having my work reproduced in art magazines in that period. My photo pieces held up nicely in this situation. It may also have been video technicians I worked with while editing or strangers passing by an installation.

“Now I’m overconfident and that is an excellent quality for an artist. If someone doesn’t like my work I think they are stupid. Of course, this situation is fragile and if confronted with adverse criticism, you have to wrap yourself up in a nice wool blanket.”

Charles Gaines

Don’t try to control the expectations of others

Portrait of Charles Gaines in Rome, 1985. Courtesy of the artist.

“I have not had a problem with confidence. It’s not that I think I am ‘all that,’ it’s only that I never really thought that I had any other option than to be an artist. The issue of confidence is one that is related to what others think about you, whether you perform at a level that would meet the expectation of others. I believe that an artist has no control over the expectations of others. This comes from a deeper notion that the relationship of the individual to society is fundamentally an arbitrary one. Consistency can only be achieved through one’s personal commitment to the work.

“To feel that one might be an impostor comes from a belief that there is a cause-and-effect relationship between you and a social space that judges you, where both are playing by the same rules. I believe, however, that the idea of feeling unworthy is a sentiment produced in you to control you. You are given to believe in a universal authority like a father figure, a person to whom you are biologically linked and who, no matter what you do, represents an authority beyond you on such matters. This authority then has the right to judge you. In the case of the impostor, you feel that you are not legitimately linked to this ‘father,’ and in getting ‘his’ attention, you are carrying out a deception. Any rewards you might receive are undeserved. With respect to this sentiment I am more Lacanian than Freudian, in that it is not a matter of being unworthy, but feeling unworthy. Knowing the difference between the two helps me negotiate the sentiment.”

Carolee Schneemann

When someone tells you you can’t do something, prove them wrong

Carolee Schneemann in her studio on 29th Street, 1963. © Carolee Schneemann. Courtesy of the artist.

Partial Installation of Video Rocks, 1987–88. © Carolee Schneemann. Courtesy of the artist.

“I have resisted making public any of the most sensitive, thoughtful, elusive processes by which my work emerges. I have disparaged strategies, mantras, activities that ‘build confidence as an artist.’ I learned to build confidence whenever I was told ‘Oh, you can’t do that,’ ‘You paint like a boy,’ ‘We need these brushes more than you do,’ ‘Your films are not really films.’…

“I have, at times, had a vision of an installation which I couldn’t be sure I hadn’t seen as the work of another artist. This confluence of confusion has occurred several times, and in each instance, I was finally reassured.…[My installation of] handmade, cow-plop-like rocks was entirely original! The piece was titled Video Rocks (1987–88); incorporating 5–10 monitors and 50–100 handmade rocks, it was originally situated on the edge of Lake Winnipeg.”

Shirin Neshat

Accept that you won’t make masterpieces all the time

Portrait of Shirin Neshat by Lyle Ashton Harris. Courtesy of Shirin Neshat and Gladstone Gallery, New York and Brussels.

“Whether the works that I’ve done are successful or not is not only up to other people, but myself as well, so I am always dealing with doubts and lack of confidence. But I’ve learned to deal with these moments of insecurity. For example, if I’m among a crowd as they look at my work and I can just tell that they didn’t like it, I talk myself into seeing through it. I remind myself that sometimes, people’s views are not completely correct, and that it’s okay not to please everyone and to have critical feedback.

“I get rejected, I get disappointed, and I feel like I fail constantly. I think that’s partially because of the multiple different types of work that I do—from film to performance to photography—and it’s really not possible to do everything very well. It’s natural that there are going to be works that are weaker. So, I am always reminding myself that it’s only human to fail, and to not make masterpieces all the time.

“I was surprised at a public screening of my film recently where it seemed like it was going well, but then this one person got up (it wasn’t the first time this has happened) and he started to attack me—for the film, for what I’ve done, for what I represent. At first, I was shocked and devastated, but then I found myself really rise to the occasion; I defended myself very well. His attack was really good in a way; he challenged me and made me re-examine myself and where I stand as an artist.

“Sometimes when you reach really low, in terms of your self-esteem and confidence, it’s a good excuse to re-examine your work, to start again. I always say to myself, when you fall down, help yourself up, because there’s nothing good about just remaining on the ground. You have to experience low moments in order to really appreciate the higher ones.”

Xu Bing

Take a look at your past work to see how you’ve grown

Portrait of Xu Bing. Courtesy of Xu Bing Studio.

“Everyone is unique. You have your own ‘gene,’ which could be composed of your sensibility, intelligence, education, and family background. But, in fact, neither your IQ nor your educational or family background can decide whether you will be an artist. They key is to bring the exceptional part of your ‘gene’ to the art world through your work and your art. When you add something new to the art world or try to adjust some blind spots and defects of the existing system, no matter how small your contribution might seem like, your work is important.

“I also occasionally question my ideas. But I later realized that the reason why I have doubts is because of the innovative part in the work I do. No one before has proved that your innovation works, so naturally, you will have questions about it. On the contrary, if there’s nothing inventive in your work and you only use forms that have been proven successful in the past, you won’t have doubts, but at the same time, this type of work is worthless.

“When you feel confused about your work or helpless facing the heavy history of art, take a look at your work from different stages of your career. You might realize that as an artist, you have grown so much from the immature or ignorant person in the beginning. More importantly, the changes are not clueless; they are magical. The arch of your change reflects who you are and can possibly reach to somewhere no one had reached before.”

Paola Pivi

Jump into the unknown

Portrait of Paola Pivi by © Luce Balzarini. Courtesy of the artist.

“When I joined the historical Brera Academy in Milan, I was 24. I considered myself a newcomer to the arts; I had just spent a summer learning about cartoonists, Egon Schiele, and Dada. A well-respected teacher with white hair, a beard, and a big reputation brought my class upstairs to the museum, Pinacoteca di Brera, to see the paintings of the great masters like Mantegna and Raphael. I was in awe at that moment, thinking I was about to receive some special teaching. I immediately realized that I had a truer connection to those paintings than he did; his words sounded empty.

“Most of the time, my artworks almost kill me with the amount of work I put into them, so I never really feel like an impostor. The closest thing that I’ve felt is a deep sense of doubt; I wonder, ‘Is it good?’ Usually, seeing the way people interact with my work, its independence and strength, cancels out any doubt I may have. I can doubt pieces before making them, but I have to jump into the unknown to get somewhere. I have to dare to make them.”

from Artsy News