#is usually just gonna make them feel worse rather than actually stopping them

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

So, I couldn't find much else on this post about like. How to actually go about alternatives beyond "just suck it up and do it"

So I'll try, as someone who will admit that they used Gen AI in the last few months, but also does write all of their public fics without it, has been writing fics on their own for years before it, and has now gone back to distancing themself from AI. First, elephant in the room: It *did* get less approachable to RP with real people, and it *is* really hard to be brave enough to do it. Having to rely so much on Discord nowadays really *does* feel like a big step backwards. I also feel it's reductive to blame this specific phenomenon on AI. To me, it feels like AI is just well-timed to capitalize on a decline that was in motion regardless. And realistically, your most approachable friends usually don't share *ALL* your interests. Sometimes an idea being weird or uncomfortable ISN'T just in your head, and not just anyone is suitable for it. It really is hard. Of course, hard things can be worth it, but we need to stop downplaying it and being so quick to discard compassion and ignore people's struggles. (and no, compassion doesn't have to mean you just enable them) Otherwise, they're not actually going to stop or really learn anything beyond "well, now i've made them all mad at me, so that's even more reason not to RP, I already ruined it for myself" Like. Anxiety *sucks* at grasping "people won't be mad forever". A lot of the time, it *feels* like "they all still hate you, they just decided to be polite about it" Personally, I still don't really RP, and I'm still afraid of it. But my general approach to hard things is to take a few deep breaths and just take the first step before I can talk myself out of it. Then let yourself feel the discomfort. Let yourself see that it's not going to harm you. Keep breathing. As for writing, I have plenty more experience there, but that's hard too. It's often slow, tedious, thankless, and I've gotten criticism that I would genuinely call traumatic. Again, I don't actually think AI is to blame for perceived reductions in fic engagement, either. People who don't want to read a fic were always going to find *something* to do besides read that fic. IMO, the only real option is to try to reduce your need for attention and approval, and keep in mind that people just naturally aren't in the mood to read fics 24/7. Do your best to calmly let self-doubting thoughts about it pass over you without feeding further into them or taking them as fact. I also feel like we don't really talk about how much harder it is to do things when you get past the age where you were able to confidently be bad. Devoting yourself to something that feels miserable and constantly makes you anxious and scared is extremely difficult. Start small. Aim for short, achievable things. Try to teach yourself that you're capable of *something*, and try to find people who are actually willing to be attentive and supportive. (Which is another thing that's way harder than people on this post keep claiming it is. A Ton of fandoms are tiny and/or mostly dead.) I would suggest starting with posting basic scenarios and ideas rather than actual stories. It gets notes and attention without all the commitment, especially if you keep at it, so then it's much easier to pick out people who'll be interested and supportive in the first place. As for private writing, it's once again the kind of thing that gets easier when you start. I myself often have to sit in the word document with no other distractions for upwards of 45 minutes before I finally feel like I'm able to make actual progress. "Just write a sentence or paragraph every day" flat out doesn't work on me, because I have to invest so much into getting the ball rolling for each session that I *can't* just "pop in" and do a little at a time. And don't be afraid to write out of order or write small snippet scenarios, either. I've lost loads of productivity to being irrationally uncomfortable with writing "out of order", or not writing a "proper" longform story.

[jeanbie]

IF I LAY HERE (WOULD YOU LIE WITH ME?) ★ masterlist.

pairing: eren x reader

genre: best friends-to-lovers-au, actor au, fluff mostly | warnings: fem!reader | wc: 2.6k

note: hey. i still love u guys and i am still pining over aot. will never stop probably. anyway, this was an older fic i wrote but i'm handing it down to eren! title is taken/inspired from chasing cars by snow patrol (my fav song)

⏤ Eren has had enough - it's been four months since he's last seen you, and he's not going to let his fame status keep him from seeing you any longer. He just hopes that you feel the same way when you see him again.

Eren was taking a pretty big risk, he knew that.

It was risky taking any step out of his apartment at any moment; he’d think he was safe until he made it to the end of the road, earphones snug in his ears, and the flash of a camera behind the bushes in the corner of his eye blinds him back to his front door in a twisted shame. 

Granted, he’d expected it to be worse now that he'd booked a plane ticket and made a rather hasty, in-the-moment journey to the airport and on a plane with no layover. Usually when Eren takes a journey overseas, there’s at least one or two fans hiding in the corner of the suites waiting for him, or someone on the plane who’d recognise his face.

For this, he’d suck it up and take a photo. It was better to have good PR and be a little bit pissed off that he’d been discovered, than to have bad PR and to be known as the actor from Attack on Titan who didn’t give a damn about the people who essentially made him and his friends famous.

But Eren thought the risk was worth it this time. The plane touched down in a different country, and from there, it was an hour long train journey to a station he didn’t know anything about to meet a friend of yours he’d only seen in Instagram pictures.

You were at university now, a face he saw on a screen rather than a face he quite literally saw every day months before. It had been four months since Eren had seen his best friend, and fuck anybody who was going to make him wait a second longer before seeing you again.

You were his greatest risk, but it was worth it. You were worth it.

“Fuck, it’s insane to actually be meeting you right now.”

Frank is a good guy, ginger with circle glasses resting on the end of his roundish nose. He led Eren out of the train station, offering to pull his suitcase for him. “I mean, I’m a huge fan.” Followed by a sigh and a quiet, “Who isn’t…?”

Eren smiled at him, squinting in the sun as it hit his eyes in the direction of Frank’s face. “Thanks. I hear a lot about you, too.”

Frank grinned, whipping his head towards Eren. “All sexy and scandalous things, I hope. You know, none of us believed Y/N when she said she knew you. We thought the pictures were Photoshopped, you know how she is.” They both paused by the side of the road waiting to cross, “Shit, she’s gonna freak out when she sees you.”

That was three minutes ago, but Eren's still playing that sentence on a loop in his head. She's gonna freak out when she sees you.

He walks alongside Frank down one of the streets, past a redundant furniture store that quirks his brows. He’s missed it here, and how unbelievably, shockingly awful it all looks when you’re not looking at picturesque photos of it online.

“I thought you’d know that Y/N’s my best friend,” Eren says thoughtfully. He pauses as Frank does as a car zooms past when they’re about to cross. “I mean, people know. The photos got leaked, all of them.”

“Hey, give me a break,” Frank says dramatically. “I only really became a super fan three months ago. I'm more into Levi, you know how it goes. And yeah, I figured it out eventually. Finally, I understood why so many people at this uni wanted photographs with her and to be her best friend…”

Eren frowns. “Is it bad? She doesn’t tell me this stuff on the phone. I mean, they go crazy online when she posts pictures and we interact, but I didn’t…”

Frank shakes his head and grins at Eren as the words die out in his mouth.

“Nah, don’t panic. It’s not that bad. If anything, she might get a kick out of the fame. Trust, there’s always gonna be the girls who hate her because she’s friends with you and that’s like, what, threatening to their fantasy? But she loves you a lot, and a friendship like yours…it’s kinda like family, you know?”

Eren feels his stomach flip, butterflies going haywire. These butterflies are bitter and relentlessly fast, his heart racing that extra bit quicker. He likes the sound of family. He doesn’t like the way Frank implies it, because if Eren is ever going to consider you as family, it won’t be as his sister.

You’ve never been his sister, even when you became part of his family growing up on special occasions, or even just on a daily basis when you came to visit. There were times his family called you their own, but you were never his sister. It was different than that; you both knew it but never dared acknowledge it.

Frank makes small talk until they make it to the student accomodation you currently live at, and because Frank knows basically everybody, a student comes to the gate to let them both in. They’re nice and tall, wearing an Aston Villa shirt that Eren remembers looks a lot like your dad’s back in the day. Might be the same kind, might be a vintage.

He smiles at him, because maybe this guy knows Eren, but then the guy just turns back into the common room and doesn’t come out again. Frank doesn’t live here - he lives in a flat of his own around the corner, but Frank might as well be a resident here. He lets himself in towards the lift and shoots a text to one of your flatmates.

“Apparently she’s in the shower,” Frank says casually. He locks his phone, taps his foot as the lift rises, “Let’s hope she doesn’t stride out completely stark naked as you’re in there.”

He almost blushes, “Ha, yeah.”

He declines to mention the times you two have showered together, the time you went skinny dipping together when you were seventeen. Those were things that might end up getting misunderstood, and those are his memories he’d like to keep a secret. He says nothing, nothing but a thank you when he enters your flat with Frank and takes a different turn to the left whereas Frank goes right, towards the kitchen.

Your room is at the very end, your name on the door in stickers from a set you got from the market, and from inside, he hears the music in the bathroom. The door opens silently and closes with the same volume, and Eren manages to wheel his suitcase to the end of the bed and plonks himself down.

As expected from pixels on the screen, your room looks better in person - white walls and a bed set that’s white and covered with little peonies. Above your desk, Eren recognises all your photos together, new polaroids of you and the friends you’ve made at university who Eren always felt kind of threatened by. He smiles to himself, and rests his head against the wall your bed is attached to. From here, he can see the bathroom door in the mirror on the opposite wall, but he knows you’ll only see his feet when you come out.

Speaking of which; the song playing in the bathroom ends suddenly and the shower water has stopped running. Eren hears the toilet flush and his heart starts to race.

Four months of falling asleep on Facetime and texting when there was no time left in the day, and now, here he is, on your bed, waiting for you to step out and… And, then what?

Maybe you wouldn't even want him here. Maybe you were happier now that Eren was travelling the world with his other friends and film crew while you were still here, in a new city with new friends and a new life. Maybe the memory of Eren was burdensome to you. Worse - maybe he was something you felt you had to remember but didn’t really want to.

Eren's always been scared of the rejection he might receive from you. He might be a dream for fans across the world, but there’s a split second where Eren feels like he might not be good enough for you. He’s the world to other people. But you deserve the whole galaxy, and he’s afraid that’s something that he might not ever be able to give you, even with all the money and the fame.

The bathroom door opens and in two seconds, the light is shut off and he hears you sigh.

“Jesus, Frank, you gotta stop letting yourself in here without telling me,” your voice says. “Good thing I’m semi-decent. Usually I’m not.”

“No fun,” Eren teases, and silence follows. There’s a pause, and Eren cocks his head, his left cheek on his shoulder, waiting for you to click and appear in front of him.

Suddenly, he hears small but quick thuds across the carpet and Eren feels his chest tighten with a nostalgic feeling when you come into view with wide eyes, damp hair and nothing but a bra and those stupid black worn leggings you refuse to throw out.

The grin that reaches Eren's eyes now aches as he laughs at you, at the way you gape at his presence. It takes a moment, a moment of what feels like could be the rejection that Eren absolutely fears, but then you smile so wide that Eren feels it in his stomach.

“Holy shit!” you exclaim loudly, bringing a hand to your mouth as you hurry towards the bed. It dips beneath your knees and Eren rises up to a more comfortable position. “What the fuck!”

He laughs out loud, and when Eren wastes zero time in bringing you into his arms, hugging you tightly.

“Careful, my hair’s all wet,” you squeak.

“Don’t care.”

He really doesn’t. There’s probably going to be a damp spot on his clothes after, but that’s okay. You groan loudly with happiness as you hug him in return as tightly as he is hugging you, your weight on his lap and your arms around his neck.

Eren smiles so wide, sighing with content into your neck. Here, he smells the marshmallow body wash on your skin, the fragrance of your hair that kind of reminds him of Cabbage Patch babies.

“You smell good,” he mutters. You laugh quietly, squirming when his nose sniffs across your neck like one would kiss. “I don’t.”

“You do, you always smell good,” you reply. One sniff, he laughs, “See!”

“Mmm,” he plays along, “the sweet smell of planes and trains and jet lag.”

That makes you laugh, and at the mention of jet lag, Eren realises he could probably fall asleep like this given the chance. He has missed this, missed you, so fucking much. The emotions are overwhelming. 

Eren kisses behind your earlobe, and then just underneath your jaw. That’s new. Eren was always a cheek-kiss kind of best friend, but never this.

You’re not complaining. Your head drops to one side, almost giving him more access to the space free, and he occupies it. Those fucking butterflies; Eren feels sick with nerves as he kisses you, under your chin and across your neck, on that spot on your collarbone you found out tickled after Seven Minutes in Heaven in Year 8.

Maybe your fingernails in his hair are a way of you telling him to stop - it’s something he can think about tonight if he can’t fall asleep, something he doesn’t care to think about when he kisses on your actual jawline, to your cheek and the corner of your mouth, your cupid’s bow.

He moves away with a blush that matches your own, but maybe you can’t see his in the colour of your fairy lights. He plays with the dazed confusion on your face as he moves the hair from across your face to around your ears, smiling and raising his eyebrows.

“Your hair is so fucking wet,” he sniggers boyishly.

“I told you,” you shrug. You shrink, relaxed, “Fuck, why are you here? I mean, I’m literally so happy, but… Are you gonna get in trouble for this?”

“I dunno,” he admits. “Maybe, probably. I mean…the guys know I’m here. Jean drove me to the airport with Armin.”

“That’s not what I mean, though.”

Eren sighs loudly. “Yeah, I know. Frank told me all about the girls.”

“Little fucker. Is he here? I’ll punch him for mentioning it to you. It’s honestly fine. It's only a few. Most are really nice!”

“You’re my best friend for life, it’s important to me that you’re not uncomfortable by--”

“I’m not,” you assure him, hands trapped in his hair. You frown and try to change the subject, “Damn, this got long. Didn’t look long over the phone.”

“I've been growing it out,” Eren replies. “Heard you fancied Keanu Reeves, couldn’t handle the competition.”

“Ha!” you retort. “Simp.”

“For you,” frowns Eren dramatically.

Conversation fizzles comfortably, to the point where you both forget that Eren's underneath you and your legs are wrapped like a koala around his middle.

The fact that this is normality for you both is ignored. You’ve done worse things together. Eren even knows that the bra you’re wearing now is one he bought for you, half as a joke, half not. That could be why Eren feels the way that he does, why the confusion wraps around his body and traps him.

Eren knows that the butterflies in his stomach don’t just appear because you’re his best friend he hasn’t seen in a while. He knows what they mean when they flutter when your name pops up when you’re calling him, when an interviewer tries to catch him out by bringing you up in another interview that you don’t need to be mentioned in.

Eren knows that coming here was worth the confusion, and the nerves, and the fact that this will be a headline when it gets out. EREN YEAGER GOES TO VISIT HIS BEST FRIEND…BUT ARE THEY MORE? Or worse, NETIZENS HAVE PROOF THAT A.O.T EREN IS DATING HIS BEST FRIEND Y/N…

He doesn’t want to hurt you. That’s why he feels scared. For you to be scandalised by an article online that caught him out in his feelings, he knew it wasn’t fair. Eren might be too afraid to say he’s in love, and too afraid to find out if you feel it too, if all those years of confused relations and flirtations meant anything, but he’d risk those feelings and the headlines if it meant being able to spend one more day with you.

Eren's got a week and a half with you. Something’s gotta give within this week. He doesn’t want to go back to filming with more regrets than he came here with, and so for now, he’ll just have to swallow those butterflies back down when they pour out of his mouth.

Right now, he can’t afford to be caught out. It has to be said on his own terms, when the timing is perfect. It has to be perfect, because it’s what you deserve. It has to be perfect, because if it isn’t, then Eren doesn’t think it will be worth it.

Losing you to a headline and a butterfly is out of the question. You hop off him and shrug on a jumper from out of your wardrobe. If you noticed his unease, then you didn’t mention it. He almost wants to cry, wants the confusion to go away for the night so he can enjoy being here.

Fuck.

For now, he thinks as he follows you with an arm around your shoulders out of your bedroom and towards the kitchen to meet the others, he’ll just have to fake it 'til he makes it. Just like always. Put on a face, put on a show, until it all feels worth the spillage. He can’t let the butterflies escape yet.

It has to be perfect, and until then, he’ll just have to be patient, even if it breaks his heart more by pretending.

[redxx95]

How Cherry Magic avoids romanticising self-sacrifice

Alright strap in boys, this is gonna be a long one.

Spoilers for the manga (mostly the english volumes but I will include a bit from vol 12. I'll mark it tho so yall may skip it if you don't want to be spoilered).

So in this one I want to examine how cherry magic does a great job at portraying self-sacrifice in a relationship as an actual flaw rather than a romantic ideal to aspire to. Very often you'll see characters in media putting their own needs aside for their lover. A lot of people will swoon at that because it is usually presented as proof of how dedicated they are to their partner and their wellbeing. (See... well the thai adaptation actually).

But what has pleasantly surprised me is how Toyota handles this in her manga.

Starting from the beginning, we all know the millions of things Kurosawa did for Adachi to get closer to him. After all, that is what's usually expected of him if we talk traditional gender roles. But one of the reasons Adachi even starts falling for Kurosawa is because of how he was for once able to do something for him.

For someone with very low self-esteem, being able to help this super-capable perfect man is a big boost in confidence and also raises his own selfworth.

So now let's look at a few instances of selfless action and the consequences resulting from them.

First one is the disaster-date in volume 4

Kurosawa does his very best to choose activities that he thinks Adachi will enjoy. That is his primary concern.

The effect this has on Adachi though is that the gap between them feels impossibly wide, only worsening his already low opinion of himself.

Whenever Kurosawa does something big, it makes Adachi feel that much smaller. That's why he'd rather them be equals in everything instead of one giving more than the other.

Next is the argument they have in volume 8

Kurosawa attempts to, very selflessly, protect Adachi from his lowkey homophobic parents. He doesn't want them and their opinions to hurt Adachi personally, so he ends up lying to him to keep the peace. The effect this has on Adachi though is disastrous. At first he's just generally worried about why Kurosawa would even lie to him in the first place, but then they have that fight in their living room and you really get a good look at how negatively this affects Adachi.

The very first conclusion he jumps to is that he's not doing good enough for Kurosawa to feel secure with him.

The next one is even worse, where he thinks he's not good enough in general. Both of these show how when pressed, he will default to blaming himself, believing that he is the problem first and foremost.

And then, if all of that wasn't bad enough, this happens next:

He's actually being self-deprecating again, something he hadn't done ever since Kurosawa told him not to in volume 5. And yes you can actually go back and check for yourself. Whenever he has negative thoughts after this point he's always pushing back.

So there's an escalation happening here, one that is entirely caused by Kurosawa not sharing his burdens with him, by making their relationship unequal.

I think it also hurts him extra bad because they've had this argument before, just with their roles switched.

So to him it must feel like Kurosawa is betraying the important lesson Adachi learned from that argument, which is that communicating with your partner is important, even when you feel like it might hurt them.

There's also something to be said about how most people would've probably stopped prodding when someone says "it's something I can't tell you", but Adachi knows that Kurosawa has a pattern of hiding his issues from him thanks to the mind reading, which is the whole reason they had that argument in vol 6 in the first place.

So, to summarize: Whenever Kurosawa acts selfless it takes a toll on Adachi's mental health. Because of his low self-esteem he needs to feel on equal terms with Kurosawa to be able to see himself as worthwhile. (And obviously he also loves Kurosawa and doesn't want to see him in pain just in general.)

So after all that, surely Kurosawa would have learned his lesson, right? Surely he wouldn't just do it again, right?

... Spoilers for volume 12 start here ✨

So volume 12 is all about Kurosawa overworking himself because he's been assigned this big project by their chief to oversee their company's spot at a stationery convention. (I didn't look up whether or not that's a real thing but it is in the manga universe I guess lmao.)

Adachi tries to help alleviate his burdens with mixed success.

(On the left he feeds Kurosawa because he needs to finish his work and doesn't have time to eat. On the right he tries to take a phonecall for Kurosawa but gets told that Kurosawa needs to hear it personally so relaying a message won't do.)

Then Adachi muses to himself how Kurosawa was always helping him out in the past and how Adachi can't do anything for him in return, especially since they're in different departments. He feels very useless, which is once again bad for his mental health.

Later at home, he offers to at least take over the chores for the time being, but gets told that Kurosawa actually enjoys doing chores so there's no need for him to help.

Kurosawa tells him that all he needs is Adachi to be close to him, while making out with him on the sofa. And right here we see how he only got half the lesson he was supposed to have learned in volume 8: In their fight Adachi told him that they should both be happy and he should share "all the hurt" with him, too. Well, the simple solution to that is not to see all his burdens as burdens, then he's not hurting and Adachi doesn't need to bother fussing over him! Win-win. Epic mind gymnastics 😎 (To be honest, I feel like this is actually very relatable to people that tend to give more than they take. We get so used to the weight of the burden that we don't notice it slowly pulling us down.)

So Adachi obviously notices what's going on and berates him about not having understood anything he said from that fight.

Throughout the volume Kurosawa gets more and more overworked, makes mistakes and is confronted with unexpected complications. He's very adamant about not asking anyone for help though, stating that he "can't be bothering his senpais any more than he already has" and that he's "doing this all for the sake of his future with Adachi".

He also still has some hangups about people seeing him as just a pretty face, as you can see in that flashback in the second page. He constantly feels the need to prove himself to others, which prevents him from ever seeking out help.

So when he inevitably reaches his limit, Adachi is finally able to be there for him, being the only one that sees through his facade.

(That hand kiss is so precious 😭)

Also, on that first page Adachi asks him whether or not he's fine, which reminds me of this panel from volume 6:

He really knows him so well.

Emboldened by his husband, Kurosawa finally does ask for help and is, of course, met with understanding and sympathy.

.

Spoilers for volume 12 end here ✨

So all this to say: Sometimes, when we try our best to be selfless and to protect the people close to us, we do more harm than good. Sometimes we cause harm to others (see volumes 4 and 8) and sometimes we cause harm to ourselves (see volume 12). It is of course a noble cause but it's not something to strive for at all times and can sometimes be actually counterproductive to what we wanted to achieve in the first place.

As someone who breaks themselves apart to help all the people around them, this aspect of the manga resonated very strongly with me and is probably the biggest reason I got so obsessed with this silly little BL romcom.

I know that this manga is not like, the best in quality. I know it's super niche and silly and cannot compare to the big popular mainstream manga with lots of depth and thought put into it, BUT.

A piece of art doesn't need to be "good" in order to resonate with people. You don't need to paint the mona lisa to reach someone and make them feel seen. You just need some sort of medium and a will to communicate something to the observer. (Something an AI could never replicate but that is a whole other discussion.)

This manga reached me when I needed it and it communicated a message that resonated with me and that is all it needed to do for me to love it to the point of obsession. 💖

Finally I'm done with this essay it is so long oh my god. If you reached the end of this, I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoyed it tho.

[icantbotherwithusernames]

Hey did you decide on a name for the chaotic Mabel au yet?. If not,here's a suggestion: Cipher's Sidekick au. Also,how are the rest of the Pines holding up without Mabel?.

short answer: yeah they're not doing great. here's an overly detailed explanation of all of their psyches!

-Dipper was very distraught when Mabel disappeared, and he constantly misses her. He blames himself for her disappearance, and thinks that if only he spent more time with her and was more supportive of her, she wouldn't have fallen for Bill's trap.

after he learns that she likely joined the henchmaniacs, he's very disturbed by that fact (for obvious reasons). He gets closer with Ford and more resentful of Stan than in canon - partially because he sees Stan as a small reason Mabel disappeared, and partially because Ford doesn't get any closure with stan after he comes back, and without Mabel's influence it's easier for Dipper to fall into similar patterns.

dipper is also scared of the idea of going home without Mabel. being apart for some time is already hard enough, but the proposition that it's gonna continue like this is worse.

-Stan is just as stressed as Dipper, but he also feels a lot of guilt - he thinks Mabel falling into the nightmare realm is entirely his fault. He doesn't know about Bill, he doesn't know interdimensional rifts exist, so for the longest time he believes that Mabel was able to sneak past him and open the portal, or a part of it, somehow. He was sure he kept it a secret, so it must've been his fault that Mabel sneaked past him.

When he finds out that not only has Mabel joined some stupid nightmare demon, but that Ford met her and refused to help, he gets infuriated, and besides the rift between him and Ford, he also gets overprotective of Dipper, and doesn't let him participate in anything remotely dangerous (or anything with Ford, for that matter). That doesn't stop Dipper, but it does make the trust between them thinner.

-It's a complicated situation for Ford. He just came back from a 30 year nightmare trip, and in addition to all the usual problems, the household is a complete mess.

As i mentioned in a previous post, he has empathy for Mabel, not just on a "she got thrown into a dangerous situation" level, but on a more personal one. He knows what it's like to be tricked by Bill and end up in the multiverse because of it.

On the other hand, he's never met her. He has heard stories from people about what's she's like, but his only actual interaction with her is Mabel protecting Bill like her life. Ford, with all his beliefs, thinks it's better to not look back, and that despite her rough situation, she has already shown incredible survival skills; it's better to focus on saving the entire planet rather than one small girl. or at least that's what he tells himself to sleep at night.

it's actually insane how much the show changes if you remove Mabel from it. some episodes won't happen at all, and the ones that do change the characters' actions drastically. She really was the glue that kept everything together, to an extent at least. That, or i just want my au to be angsty. could be both.

in terms of a name, i haven't decided yet, but i am brainstorming at the moment!

[maxislvt]

pls tell us more about omega!wanda x beta!nat x alpha!reader 👁👁

warnings: amab!reader (no gendered terms), smut, omegaverse, sub!reader, dom! WandaNat, pegging, voyeurism, collaring, mating claims, breeding kinks, spanking, threesomes

i said I was gonna sleep but that's nawt happening so uhhh here!

okay so similar dynamic to my usual omega!wanda fics. You're rather soft and sappy for an alpha. since you face a lot of bullying for it, you hide your identity at work and don't really pursue a relationship because you've always been told that no omega would want an alpha like you.

for this I'd like to think Wanda and Natasha are a match made in hell. they're not dating each other yet. they have feelings for each other but both of them are really dominant and lack interest in being submissive so they're hesitant to commit

They both have their eyes on you before they even figure out you're an alpha. at first it's like a game for them. the first one to take you out on a date gets to do all the nasty and inappropriate things they want to you and tease the other for not getting you first!!

however that goes out the window really fast because they realize you're really bashful and it's just too cute to keep from the other. also you tend to turn and run the second you think you'll be alone with one of them for even a second.

Wanda is subtle. the way she touches you seems so innocent and kind that you almost ignore how close she is to your crotch. You usually don't catch on to her innuendos until much later into the conversation. She never forces you to stay but something is always compelling you to stay put and listen

Natasha on the other hand is very bold and doesn't hold back. sometimes you're literally pinned down and forced to deal with all her perverted comments. you couldn't run away even if you wanted to. her intentions are very explicit and there's little room for what she wants to do with you

it only gets worse when they find out you are an alpha. mainly because their nasty little fantasies can get really explicit now but also because they know exactly how to tease you. they never push too hard, but just enough to get you worked up

you don't know that they know but after falling victim to their coordinated attempts at courting, you assumed that they guessed incorrectly about what rank you are. in an attempt to have some peace, you make this grand reveal to them and they're so unphased. in fact, they're more focused on how good your scent is more than anything.

one thing leads to another and suddenly you're sandwiched between the two of them and fucked out of your mind. they don't even let you put up another act about how alphas should behave and keep you spoiled in bed all day until you stop pouting and promise to give them a fair chance

they do make an effort to take you on nice dates and buy you actual courting gifts. they're really expensive and have a lot of thought put into them. some of them are literally just sex toys they wanna use on you at a later date. like the first thing they buy you is a vibrator and lube. the hope was that you'd be curious but too inexperienced to do it on your own and come running to them

they're very horny romantics. so their claim bites on are either layered on top of each other to make a heart or symmetrical somewhere on your body. the choice is yours but I think it'd be the same way on all three of you.

anyways, you guys are a very practical pack I feel. the three of you would love to have everything be matching and constantly do cuddle piles but it doesn't always get to happen. sometimes it's as simple as one of you is on a mission and can't do the cuddle pile. other times it's the simple fact that Wanda likes to wear pajama pants, you only sleep in shorts, and nat typically goes without pants when sleeping.

and I think that practically carries over into sex as well. in my mind Wanda and Nat are a complementary pair. Wanda is soft and Natasha is strict. That isn't to say they can't come together and spoil or tease you though.

if it's just you and nat or you and Wanda, the whole scene was likely recorded and there's a million photos of how you looked.

Wanda prefers to get you really deep into subspace and wait until you're practically leaking through your underwear before stripping you naked and filling your ass to the brim. she'll let you cum as much as you want so long as you're good and let her have fun too

Natasha likes to tease. She'll edge you for hours before she even thinks about pegging you. Nat is not above spanking you just for fun! After she's marked up your skin and left you a sticky mess, she'll spank your ass bright red until you have a hand print

80% of the time they top you together is to spoil you. it doesn't have to be a special event, but they like making you feel good together and watching you make a mess of yourself. they'll stretch your ass out with both of their straps and go for as long as they can.

The other 20% is always a punishment and not even Wanda's pampering nature can save you. If you break their rules, then you have to suffer the consequences. Since Natasha is a sadist and spanks you all the time, they get a little more creative. They fuck each other right in front of you and make you edge yourself with a simple fleshlight.

The only time they let your top is if you're in a rut and that doesn't mean you're not subbing. most of the time, you're breeding Wanda while Natasha is controlling your hips and keeping you in check via a collar.

Natasha likes to watch while you and Wanda fuck out your cycles. Maybe she'll ride you during rut if she's really horny and wants to be knotted but she prefers to watch you try and act all dominant and tough sometimes.

also their straps are enchanted and they love fucking your face. Natasha likes actually fucking your throat but Wanda just thinks you look absolutely adorable on your knees and desperate to please her.

the aftercare is always wonderful. they follow a similar routine even if they're not fucking you together because it's tailored to what they think you need most after sex. cuddles and a bath are mandatory, even if Wanda has to drag you to the bathroom with her magic. if they've tipped you together, they prefer you just go right into taking a nap but they will let you watch TV or play a videogame if they weren't too rough.

honestly they seem like the type to not even consider sex if they know you haven't eaten anything, but they still keep a few in the mini fridge just in case you need something.

[englandsgirl18181234]

How does Ares perceive Athena and has this changed throughout time? I got the impression from the musical that Ares and Athena actually got along or were somewhat friendly rivals rather than the contempt they seem to have for each either in PJO canon. Ares, in particular, seemed worried at the end of God Games, as he was the first one to voice that worry out loud after the bolt hit her. How does he feel about what Zeus just did? Is he grieving? If he is, is he surprised by that? Or did that ‘friendliness’ in their rivalry never really stop being there in his mind even if from Athena’s side it looked different?

So Ares is pretty interesting in this fic as far as his relationship with Athena goes.

He's genuinely one of the people Athena has the best relationship with on Olympus, from both of their perspectives.

She and Ares both loved sparring and debating with each other, they genuinely had a great time arguing their various stances on different things.

He's actually the only one on the council that realized something was truly wrong with Athena after God Games. He didn't know what was wrong specifically, but he very clearly saw the change in her when she finally returned to Olympus, and saw as it got worse.

(Dionysus didn't actually figure anything out, he figured she was grieving some of her kids, but I don't think that's gonna come up for a while, if at all)

She was skittish and afraid, which he was expecting after everything Zeus had put her through, and his own unwilling part in it, but she was also spacey and forgetful and it steadily got worse as time went on.

He's never been particularly fond of Zeus, for all that he was also afraid of him, but this? He's horrified and enraged and feels so, so helpless in a way he never has before.

And he absolutely is grieving Athena! She was his sister, even if they weren't necessarily super close outside of their debates and spars. He still loved her just as much he always did, even as her condition slowly got worse and she got more cutthroat and mean during their time together.

And one thing I'm not certain came through in that chapter as well as I would have liked is that Athena isn't necessarily the most reliable narrator at the moment. She still has her own biases from her upbringing and she's recovering from a severe traumatic brain injury that came about from direct damage to her very soul. She's still not fully in her right mind, and as she gets better she's going to realize that.

Plus, she's grieving in her own way. As far as she knows, unless Hades decides to be particularly kind, she's never going to be able to see any of them again. So at the moment, she's trying to convince herself that that isn't as much of a loss as it is.

She's still not wrong about any of it, and is even understating certain parts, but she's also making herself look at them all at their worst and not as they were usually.

So yeah, she's grieving and hurting and recovering from grievous soul damage that's haunted her every moment for more than 3000 years and she needs time to process all of that.

And as for Ares, tldr: he loved Athena, he's shocked and devastated by her death, and he's suddenly understanding a lot of things that he didn't know the details of before.

[simplysedusa]

Hii so idk if you've done this already but what are your hc on the boy's relationship between each other?

I actually haven't made a post on this. To be honest, there was this clip of their losing animation from Multiversus that I haven't stopped thinking about and I was eventually gonna post my thoughts on that, or just post my general takes on who I think the Rowdyruff Boys are (and grow up to be). But, this will scratch that itch momentarily (and help me better characterize them and flesh them out).

Once again, just give me a minute to collect and organize my thoughts lmao.

The Rowdyruff Boys:

There's the typical, rather popular headcanon that Boomer's the "odd one out" of the three because he's not as evil as his brothers, and how he's often teased and bullied by Brick and Butch. But that's baloney, Brick teases both of his brothers, it's just that Boomer's reactions are more entertaining. (Also, Boomer can be as bad as his brothers, at times, he might be worse...)

And it's not like Brick gets off scot free either, both Boomer and Butch know how to dish it back when needed, Butch is just less likely to on his own and will just simply laugh at Brick's antics.

Butch is the glue of the group, the foundation, the rock. He's the one they feel the most comfortable venting to and are able to express themselves with freely (lmao I mean look at their options, who else would Brick and Boomer turn to, EACH OTHER?!). I find him to be the most emotionally intelligent out of the three, in contrast to Buttercup, who's probably the least emotionally intelligent out of her sisters (but she's still better than Butch, she's a superhero after all). Without him, Brick and Boomer would've spent most of their childhood youth fighting each other instead of the girls.

Brick's the direction, the determination, the focus. While he may not be as uptight as his counterpart, he's unfortunately the brother that has to keep them on track.

Boomer, on the other hand, is the relaxation, the relief, the destress-er of sorts. Even if they tease him, they find Boomer to have a rather calming presence that's needed for the group. He's usually the one to suggest alternatives to some of the crazy antics of his brothers.

"Let's get the girls!"

"And BOMB THEIR HOUSE!"

"–but I wanna go to the arcade..."

"So you can lose again?"

"You'll never beat my high score, Boom."

"OH YEAH?!

And sure enough, they're at the arcade.

While the general dynamic between the three isn't exactly toxic, they come to realize the dysfunction amongst themselves as they befriend the girls. The Powerpuff Girls are all so different from one another and have their own internal conflicts within the group but still manage to be each other's best friends, and witnessing that starts causing the boys to be mindful of who they are as brothers.

Brick and Boomer:

The two argued often in their younger years. While Brick may not be/was not as stern of a leader as Blossom, it still drives him up the wall that Boomer tends to be so carefree.

They've only ever actually fought each other three times max. Even though they're the two brothers to most likely fight each other, they're not that serious compared to fights Boomer had to intervene in when Brick and Butch went at it.

A part of Brick feels bad for how hard he was on Boomer, but the other part of Brick is...well, Brick.

Brick will occasionally extend an olive branch, and tries to be nice to Boomer in a very subtle, low-key way.

But unfortunately, Boomer plays dumb to mess with him as payback.

I'm going to the mall...you coming?

I don't have any money.

You don't need any.

If the girls catch us shoplifting again–

We're not–I'm—ugh, ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?

*rolls his eyes despite the smirk on his face and the fact that he's completely aware of what Brick's trying to do*

They're the type of brothers who could marathon some cheesy sitcom together in silence (or as silent as possible for Boomer, he'll make a few funny remarks about the show throughout and get a good chuckle out of Brick) and be completely okay with that, even though everyone else (sans Butch) thinks otherwise.

While Brick and Boomer might have their moments, if you're not Butch (or maybe the Puffs), never disrespect one in front of the other, unless you're in need of a black eye and a broken rib.

Boomer and Butch

When left alone, both of these two assume they're the one with the braincell, but in actuality, it's with Brick (not that he always uses it, he just likes to hold it sometimes).

While Brick and Boomer can sit in silence, Boomer and Butch are headbanging and playing air guitar to whatever music they're blasting out of the boombox they definitely didn't steal.

And that's on a peaceful day. Mojo and HIM had another custody battle over the three, and HIM suggested they split the boys and take turns. Mojo assumed he got the better end of the deal when HIM gave him Boomer and Butch. His entire lair was destroyed in half an hour. They agree to never split the boys up after that day.

These two definitely talk shit about Brick behind his back whenever Brick's pushing their buttons.

Boomer's the instigator and idea man in their pranking misadventures. And Butch is down for anything if he's bored. Their "pranks" can be surprisingly more cruel without Brick (which explains why Brick wakes up to a whole pack of chewed chewing gum in his hair one morning, luckily Ms. Keane has a knack for removing sticky stuff out of hair).

Much like their respective counterparts, they're the night party, club partaking, fun-having, social duo in crime. The only difference is Brick tends to join the two on their night out more often than Blossom will join her sisters (and their nights may or may not end in some sort of illegal activity).

Boomer and Butch's fights/arguments tend to be over rather petty, material things (i.e lost sports game bets, eating the last cookie, 'borrowing' one's clothes or belongings, etc.) but Brick's great at squashing it while it's small.

Without Brick, the two would have been too distracted to fight the girls back in the day.

These two were forced to share a room during their school years thanks to Brick's constant demand of having his own room. Neither of the two seem to particularly mind.

Drama kings! Whenever one of the two has a juicy bit of gossip, the other's the first to know. Brick doesn't usually care unless it's something BIG.

Brick and Butch

I used to be subscribed to the notion that Butch was Brick's yes man. I was wrong, Butch is Brick's (and occasionally also Boomer's) HYPE man.

Brick doesn't usually mind, but sometimes Butch can go a little overboard and now Brick has to be the impulse control and that's no fun when Brick just wanted to kick back and chill.

If you see these two in an alley or hallway and they're suspiciously quiet, RUN THE OTHER WAY. They're not necessarily after you but whatever the fuck they're up to, it's BIG and you don't wanna be caught in the crossfire.

When these two are rarely at odds, it lasts for days. It starts with verbal insults, until eventually a day or two later, one (usually Butch) gives in to the intrusive thoughts of beating the other into a pulp. Boomer has to damn near taze the two to pull them off one another, and pray to whoever's listening that Townsville's still standing so the girls don't get invovled. By the end of the day, the two act as if it never happened.

While Boomer might be Brick's favorite punching bag, Butch is more prone to Brick's verbal attacks (which may or may not have to do with the fact that Butch's specialty is force field generation).

Without Boomer, the two would have been too busy committing grand scale arson to fight the girls when they were younger.

Somehow, they're both the brother to encourage the other to leave their comfort zone. Brick's a loner by choice, while Butch usually sticks to Brick and Boomer like glue.

[applesaucesims]

After work, Niall took his car a bit further than usual, following Franklin to his home that he shared with Laura. He needed somebody to talk to about his doubts, and Franklin was the one who understood the topic the most of all.

Once inside, Franklin led his friend to a sitting room and lit the fireplace. Niall's eyes immediately jumped to a bottle of whisky that had been placed on a small table in just the right position to have a relaxing night of drinking on the couch. Although he had been trying to stay away from alcohol, Franklin seemed to be making a good point that he could just have a sip or two. Surely that could not cause any issues.

After a number of whisky glasses that Niall had lost count of quite early on, he slowly opened up to Franklin about the worries he had about Louis. He told him about the dream that his son had told him about, and how that had released feelings of doubt he had been pushing away rather than working on them.

As he listened to Franklin's words of encouragement, Niall felt his head getting heavier and the world around him seemed to be getting blurrier by the minute. Suddenly, his body seemed to act on autopilot, and he pulled his friend in for a kiss, just as he was about to turn away from him.

Thankfully, though, Franklin pushed him away immediately. They might have been together like that in the past, but that was all it was - the past. Neither of them actually still had any feelings for the other, and they had moved on a long time ago.

Bringing some distance between them, Niall scooted away in embarrassment. In doing so, his eyes fell to the photograph of Franklin's partner, Maxim, whom he had actually introduced him to, and then, just above, another photograph of himself with Emma, his wife. What was he even doing here? Was it really that easy for him to slip into old habits and make it worse at that? What would she say if she saw him like this now?

[TRANSCRIPT]

Franklin: "So, may I offer you a drink? Let me just light the fireplace."

Niall: "Erm... what sort of drink?"

Franklin: "You still like whisky?"

Niall: "Uhm... technically... but I haven't had one in ages."

Franklin: "Really? I can't imagine."

Niall: "I swear! I haven't had alcohol since... some time after Louis was born?"

Franklin: "Maybe that's why you're so stressed out."

Niall: "I mean... I can't say it isn't."

Franklin: "Right, surely one glass won't kill you. To take the edge off, you know?"

Niall: "Right."

...

Franklin: "So, you're worried because of a dream?"

Niall: "You're gonna tell me it doesn't mean anything, aren't you?"

Franklin: "Maybe not, but either way... That's got nothin' to do with you in the end, does it?"

Niall: *sighs* "I don't know. I guess I just hate to face that part of myself."

Franklin: "You're never gonna find peace that way, Niall."

Niall: "I know. And I love Emma so much, but thinking about this makes me feel like a fraud." *hic*

Franklin: "That's ridiculous. You just like both, and most of all you like her. It's that simple."

Niall: "Easy *hic* for you to say."

Franklin: *laughs* "How are you this drunk already? I need to catch up! Let me just top up my glass and- Mh!"

Franklin: "Niall, stop! What the fuck are you doing!?"

Niall: "I- I don't know."

Franklin: "That's enough drinking for you then."

Niall: "I'm so sorry! I don't know what's come over me!"

Franklin: "You really need to start properly working through this shit. I'll help you if you need me to, but I'm not here for you to fool around with for some distraction."

Niall: "I know, I don't even want that from you. You know this."

Niall: "I'm so stupid! I never should have come here. I tell you, this thing is causing nothing but trouble in my life."

Franklin: "Look, it's fine. Just figure yourself out. Your damned sexual preferences are not the issue here."

Niall: "Right. I'll- I'll try my best. Thanks for the talk."

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

I went back to read the original omegaverse ask and loved it also the world building which I also agree no butt babies.

So a pack is essentially like a large family or group of close trusted people, a mix of platonic and romantic depending on the group. It’s also has “the pack alpha” who is just an alpha that is the leader in a way and just makes sure everyone is okay and is like the grounding presence, misty a father figure.

The dynamics i was referring to is are they polyamorous within their pack or if they are traditional dynamics only, alpha w/ omega and beta /w beta only.

(For reference, here’s my old ask with my omegaverse HCs.)

Thank you for the clarification! I’m gonna assume, in my worldbuilding and therefore the purposes of this ask that packs are not very common “irl” but they’re probably enough of a romantic and porny trope that most people would be aware of it, at least. (I wonder if maybe packs with more longevity actually tend to have betas heading them up… I have some thoughts about betas traditionally being good at smoothing relationship dynamics between omegas and alphas, and kind of providing a facilitative function… but now I’m getting too lost in the worldbuilding LOL. I’ll stop!)

Also, I apologize in advance, but I gotta say, I am not super interested in traditional A/O relationships between a dominant alpha and a submissive omega. That’s part of the reason I don’t typically read omegaverse fics. I’m a lot more interested in exploring non-traditional arrangements - two omegas, or a toppy omega with an alpha, or a beta couple that loves pretending to be omegas to seduce alphas, or a bottom/bottom omega/alpha couple and a toppy beta that takes care of both of their needs. So, my answers here might not be your speed, but let’s see:

Steve Murphy: I think he prefers to date other betas. He just thinks it’s easier! Joke’s on him, nothing’s easy in the triad he eventually forms between him, Connie, and Javi.

Donald Pierce: He’d secretly love to be part of a pack. He totally swoons over romance books about packs. I bet he really thinks the traditional alpha/omega couple is so romantic too. As a result, he tends to feel insecure if he’s with an omega or an alpha, because it makes him anxious he’s not what they really want.

Cap Hatfield: Oh he’d hate being in a relationship with an alpha, or even in a more “platonic” pack where the alpha took care of him during his heats. He’d much rather be with another omega or a beta. His heats just feel more intense if an alpha is around, which means they feel worse. Even when he’s going through heat and “wants” to be fucked, he’d feel so sick if it actually happened.

Clement Mansell: If Clement got over himself he’d actually do good with an alpha. The omega girls he fucks do not fulfill him at all, but part of it is he’s fucking them in a way he just doesn’t enjoy (he wants to get fucked very badly!). He might get into being with a toppy omega or beta who knows how to bite him right and put him on his back. I don’t think he’d enjoy being in a pack, he’d get way too jealous if his partner’s attention was split.

The Corinthian: Oh, no, no. None of that for him. That’s a people problem.

Eli Klaber: Klaber exclusively dates alphas, or betas that can act as alphas. He actually gets along with other omegas really well, but he’d never date them. He would not join a pack, that sounds slutty to him. He’s monogamous.

Danny Maguire: He secretly dreams of dating an alpha. He could maybe get into being in a small pack, but anything larger than like… 3 other people is too much for him.

Ty Shaw: He primarily dates other vers alphas, but he’s not opposed to dating betas. I feel like he usually doesn’t date omegas though - the risk of pregnancy is a bit too high, and when he’s in rut he does NOT like to use condoms. I think he’d love being part of a pack, in an ideal world - and frankly, I think he’d make a pretty good pack dad himself!

Quinn McKenna: He used to think omegas were the best match for himself because he was an alpha, but now that he’s gotten older, he prefers to date betas (it’s easier! None of the heat or rut nonsense) or other alphas (they get it!).

[audioaujom]

November 12th, 9:00 AM: Buck

BftB Hub, < prev, next >

Here’s the promised double! Worst part about this whole fic is every time I try copy/pasting my chapter titles, my outlook keeps giving me a little window with “create event” and it is actually driving me insane. This is the last time I use days for titles I s2g Again, no real warnings yet. Enjoy!

Word Count: 682

--

Buck was officially freaking out. 

Carla had called earlier to ask why Eddie wasn't there when she’d picked up Christopher that morning, and every call he made to Eddie went straight to voicemail. He’d talked Bobby into calling Athena fifteen minutes ago, when they'd gotten back from their first call—which had been a rather uneventful car crash with minor injuries—and was now pacing the firehouse loft again with a worried Chimney and Hen watching him bounce around like a ping pong ball.

Hen and Chimney shared a look that Buck completely missed as he was pacing, the two paramedics having had enough of his antics. At this rate, he was going to pace himself to death before they even got halfway through their shift.

“He’s gonna be okay, Buck.” Hen spoke up first, trying to reassure him, but it didn't really work. They knew he wouldn't calm down all the way, but he could at least stop pacing like that and making everyone else more anxious.

“But what if he's not?”

Hen shook her head. “We can't think like that. You know that.”

“He’ll be fine. He’s survived a lot worse than this.” Chimney added, and Buck absentmindedly nodded in agreement. Hen and Chimney shared another look, recognizing that he most certainly wasn't really listening. This wasn’t going to work.

“I know that, Chim.” Buck sighed, agitated, not looking at either of them as he turned to make another lap across the length of the loft. Did they not understand how serious this could be? Eddie could be dead for all they know! “But what if—!”

“Buck. Relax.” Bobby said loudly as he climbed the stairs, interrupting his pacing as everyone turned to look at their captain. “You worrying like this isn't going to bring him home any faster. Besides, LA’s finest are on it. They’ll find him.”

“But what if they don't?”

An uncomfortable silence settled in the firehouse. They were all worried, same as Buck, they just weren't voicing it out loud for fear of making it all feel real. Bobby was the first to sigh and break the tension, everyone looking to him.

“We can't think like that. We need to have faith in the police, and in him, and trust that he’ll come back to us.” 

Buck appreciated the sentiment, he really did, but he’d been spiraling all morning and he couldn't find any comfort in it. “But Bobby, what if he doesn't?”

“If, and I mean if, that were to be the case, we can handle it when it happens.” Bobby’s voice was firm, leaving no more room for argument. “None of us here are the kind people to give up hope so quickly. The best we can do for him for now is to be hopeful, just like usual.”

“...okay.” Buck finally caved, but he wasn't any less worried. 

Bobby sighed and pulled Buck aside as soon as Hen and Chimney turned away to play some games on the TV, keeping a firm hand on his shoulder. “I talked to Athena, and she helped me file a missing persons report for Eddie. She said they assured her they’ll get officers on the search immediately, and call with any updates.”

“...thanks, Bobby.” Buck muttered quietly, the comfort actually sinking in a little. Bobby and Athena took him seriously, and now the police were going to find Eddie. He was still freaking out—that wasn't going away until Eddie was back here where he belonged, and he could hug him and be sure he was real and safe—but it was still somewhat soothing to know that now the police were out looking. He had to trust them. They'd do their jobs, and this panicked spiral would end and become something they'd look back on and laugh. Maybe.

“He’s going to be okay, Buck.” Bobby said confidently, making sure Buck was looking him in the eyes as he did.

Buck still didn't believe him, but he nodded anyway. For now he needed to listen to Bobby, and Hen, and everyone else. Maybe, if he believed hard enough that Eddie would be okay, it would come true.

[digenerate-trash]

I desire yan!Whitney, him beating the shit out of people for just looking at what's his.

I would expect nothing less to be honest with you. you know that one scene in math where one kid looks at you in math and Whitney goes nuts??? I made it worse

(this is gonna veer off into violence hope that's cool. also gonna trigger tagging this for blood/yan antics/gn pc/Whitney shenanigans.)

Whitney is always a menace. He has just been getting steadily worse. Usually, he's a big fan of whoring you out when he can for cash or approval from his less-than-stellar friends, but even that's come to a rather strange halt. He's more interested in spending time with you alone now. He even started to ditch school taking you with him. 

You’re actually starting to worry about him. He's barely the same guy you met at the start of the year. He's still an asshole sure. But he is /different/. More people are starting to avoid you. And they whisper Whitney's name when you walk by, even when you're alone. People don't dare touch you or even talk to you anymore. Even some of the teachers have started ignoring you. You can't shake the feeling that this is all by design somehow. 

It all comes to a head in the middle of math, however. River gets called away to attend to something, but you're not sure what, You weren't listening as you lean into Whitney's shoulder. He plays with your hair gently and zones out. He's not in the mood for chaos today. He likes the feeling of you relaxed against him.

When you look around the room just for a brief moment you tense. A boy is staring at the two of you. This seems to jolt Whitney back from his daydream and he immediately spots the boy. His face contorts into a scowl as his grip on your hair tightens. 

“Why are you staring at them?” *his voice is loud though he doesn't yell. His gaze is locked on the boy and the class goes silent as they look over at Whitney. Then their poor classmate as Whitney waits for an answer. 

Everyone knows there's no correct response. He's doomed. He's been caught /looking/ at something that's Whitney’s.

The boy stutters a bit. But no comprehensible words come out. Whitney pushes you back into your own seat and nods to one of his friends before he charges the poor student. It’s not long before the boy starts to cry out for help. At first, people are laughing or cheering. It’s fun when it’s not happening to them, but soon The screams and cracks of Whitney's fist against the boy only get worse as time goes on. Whitney's friend guards the door making sure no one leaves. The cheers die out the class watches as Whitney goes far beyond a regular beating. 

You can see it, Whitney is still enraged. He's biting down on his own lip so hard that its started to bleed. His fist is dusted with bruises and his victim's blood. His forehead is covered in sweat as he finally pulls back. The classroom is still silent apart from the haggard breathing of the boy. whitney straightens out his shirt and looks down at the boy before spitting on him before returning to you. He pulls you up by the arm dragging you out of the classroom. No one tries to stop him as he leaves. 

You don’t know what to say to him as you're pulled to the front gates of the school. Should you say anything? Should you have stopped him? Could you have stopped him? Whitney's grip tightens on your wrist as he takes you down into the alleys near the school. He shoves you up against the wall before leaning down and kissing you deeply. 

You can taste the blood in his mouth he seems to want you too as he holds you still against the alley wall. When he pulls back your panting, Whitney finally smirks. It's that cocky playful look that you haven't seen in weeks. He seems to have finally relaxed a bit as he brushes his hair out of his face with one hand the other still holding you still. 

“We should probably skip the rest of the day. I doubt anyone is going to rat on me, but I don't feel like answering any questions right now.” Whitney says before he rubs his bloody knuckles off on his shirt, It wasn't clean before but it looks worse smeared with blood. He tilts your head up slightly grinning “But it's worth it” he promises. “No one is going to ever look at you again.”

[giggly-squiggily]

oh nooo get better soon my love!! have a selection of blue lock characters when they're sick for you to project ♡♡

chigiri would rather die than ask for someone to nurse him back to health but jumps at any offer to be catered to ("i don't know i think i might be coming down with something..." - "do you want me to make you some tea?" - "well if you insist")

kunigami gets stressed about everyone else whenever he gets sick because what if they get sick too and then he has to take care of them while he's still sick himself and once they're healthy again they'll be back to being hyperactive and chaotic and he won't get enough rest to get healthy himself and- (false alarm everyone's very nice to him when he's sick and chigiri loves taking care of him)

bachira tries out every unorthodox method you can think of to get back to health ("i read that taking a shot of bleach kills the virus immediately" - "where did you read that??" - "nowhere i made it up, cheers!" - "BACHIRA NO-")

nagi stops moving altogether and exclusively communicates in groans and incomprehensible mumbles but he somehow still finds the power to play animal crossing under the covers when everyone else is asleep

gagamaru eats all the soup he can find and then sleeps for a day and somehow it works

reo is actually pretty high functioning when he's sick so he won't need much help but he will whine and complain about everything while doing things as usual no problem, he just wants everyone to know he's feeling slightly worse than usual

isagi does everything in his power to avoid sickness, he drills his immune system to become "an impenetrable fortress" and insists on working out when he's sick to "drown the virus in his sweat"

niko gets really bad body aches and gets very frustrated and anxious when all he can do is curl up and make noises of agony so it's vital he has someone to take care of him

rin would never in a million years admit he's sick and has to be dragged to bed every time because he could be on the verge of collapsing and still claim to be fine

shidou doesn't get sick, viruses are scared of him

otoya gets kinda whiny and annoying when he's sick, he suddenly can't do anything by himself anymore and he tries to keep up the ruse as long as possible ("turn my pillow around" - "do your arms not work??" - "noooo" - "you don't even have a fever anymore!" - "yes i do :(")

karasu only gets sick once every three or four years but when he does he dies, just dead, fucking dead for a week

i'm not sure about yukimiya but he's still the prettiest even when he's in bed with salmonella and fever and aryu hates it

As of writing this I am officially A-Okay! Now we can read all the things! 🤩🥰

-HELP CHIGIRI’S IS SO PERFECT WHSBBWBS gonna be so real; he was the first I thought about when I got sick- mainly your Nagiri headcanons regarding them and sickness whsnwnsnwn I love him so much- “well if you insist- twist my arm why don’t ya?” It’s so CUTE!! (KUNI 😭😭😭😭 I love Chigiri taking good care of him while he’s sick my HEART!)

-BACHIRA NO QJSNQNNDWNND 🤣🤣🤣 the “cheers” took me OUT!

-help they probably have a whole thesaurus on Nagi’s groans and moans when sick to figure out what he needs whsnwnsnwn and playing animal crossing is such a MOOD! 🤣🤣🤣 (girl I’m such a Gagamaru- only instead of soup it’s orange juice! I chug that mess and somehow I feel better whnsnwndnsndjs)

-Reo made me cackle HELP QJDNWNSN Just “I’m so SICK! So WEAK!” While he’s just cruising through the day whsnnwnsns Isagi insisting on working out to “sweat out the sick” is such a mood wnsnwnnsns it probably works until someone finds him passed out on the soccer field. “Is that- OH MY GOD MY THEY KILLED ISAGI!” (Isagi is in fact alive. Barely)

-NIKO NOOOO 😭😭😭 my heart- that poor baby! Body aches freaking suck, he’d probably be found curled up in someone’s lap just being petted and pat.

-Rin help- 😭 He’d be so visibly sick and insist he’s fine: it took several people (or one Tokimitsu and one Aryu) to get him back to bed and their secret weapon (Hiori) to keep him there. He just kinda hides beneath his blanket the entire time until he can function again.

-PRFFT QJSNWNNDNSNDNS 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That is so Shidou accurate help! On that note; Sae is just as bad as Rin in terms of easily getting sick- but unlike Rin if he’s told “Go to bed love” by Shidou he’s doing exactly what he’s told. He gets kinda submissive in sickness and Shidou loves it. (Gross as he is, I like the idea of Shidou being good at taking care of people when he wants to)

-Otoya is such a princess when he gets sick 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Mr. total care whiny and all- Karasu is so over it wjhdjwjdjejdjs STOP NOT HIM DYING HWDHWBDBWNDNSN 🤣🤣🤣 just zero contact for a week and comes back all “What’d I miss?” Like he hadn’t just fell off the face of the earth.

- God I LOVE AHSBANNS Yukimiya’s over here glowing while sick and Aryu hates him for it cause our glam king gets all sorts of nasty when sick (he doesn’t look that bad, but in his head he looks and feels disgusting- mood, my guy, mood.) the only downside is Yuki loses his voice EVERY. TIME. Doesn’t matter the sick, he just suddenly can’t talk without sounding hoarse and weak. Expect a lot of texts from him on sick week.

(Gonna add more cause yes :P)

-Oliver is a DIVA. He is worse than Otoya- making loud dramatic complains to nobody or anybody who’s listening. Like- he can take care of himself if he’s on his own but if he’s got somebody there he’s gonna make them WORK! “I’m so sick…quickly, take down my final words..” “Aiku, it’s a stomach bug.” “A deadly stomach bug!”

-I brought him up and I’m bringing him up again; Hiori is just as pretty as Yuki when sick; dare I say even prettier (Rin’s words not mine- what who said that?); he gets all teary eyed even when he isn’t sad and it makes him look so angelic it’s hard not to want to take care of him! 😭 (he’s also like Reo though- high functioning so he’s fine but everyone Rin INSISTS on taking care of him)

-Nanase’s kinda average when he gets sick, but his voice gets super deep and hoarse so he starts singing country songs (Lock them doors and turn the lights down low~”) and it is the FUNNIEST thing to Isagi and Hiori!

-Barou simply does not get sick. Like Shidou, viruses are scared of him. (And he owns like- ALL the disinfectant product in the world.) he’s team mom- medic, getting medicines and soups and whatever everyone needs.

I love these so much REY! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Sorry for the late reply, when I got over being sick I was in that “Not gonna think about anything sick related” phase, but now I’m here and dying cause these are PERFECT!!! Thank you for sharing! 💖💖💖💖💖

[kaleidosouls]

random text post of day #

been watching creepcast more or less since the first/second episode and after latest i keep wanting to talk to ppl abt my thoughts and im tired of trying to engage with other youtube comments / i dont wanna keep bothering my spouse with this plus id want to talk to other ppl who are viewers but dhkdhfk im gonna rant behind the cut; tw animal death/violence, child abuse

gonna rant assuming readers is also a viewer cause too tired to explain, sorry. this is just “stuff id want to chat with fellow fans of the poscast but i dont have friends who watch it, and the youtube comments suck for the most part and id rather be turned inside out than login to reddit”, like i did end up using rhe comment section way toomuch already, jm tired and its like 3% normal ppl and 97% dicks and assholes with bully disorder

like it was a big enlightening to just properly label things last night at last and process the feelings and situation. this is jsut a podcast with isaiah bullying his cohost hunter (“as a joke”) and the fans at large are people who enjoying bullying snd find it funny, and try to bully commenters who disrupt their “fun”, trting to discret and demean them as friendless parasocial losers for not playing along the theater of mockery and treating it as socially acceptable.

like its one thing to tease between friends and make dark jokes, its another thing to repeatedly, insistently, laugh at your friend for being traumatized as a child by violent animal death? like. its like i get that initially he was just really baffled at the event like haha oh my god did that happened thats so fucked up (which is annoyingly normie in its own way like yeah dude, none of us have control over fucked up shit happening to us as children, like he makes such a spectacle about it like its this earth shattering thing). like its tragic and a big deal but like wrt trauma its usually safe to be on the level that the person with the trauma is setting, if theyre talkinf about it really intensely it makes sense to match up to that tone or lower. instead hunter is trting to move on while isaiah is just obsessed fascinated with it like its fiction almsot. idk just . uggghhhhhhh

i could kust make a collage fo commwnts that made me like lose hope for humanity each time but i dontw anna dwell on annoying bullshit and commit it more to memory. like people are jusr… like there is some dark humor inherent to like calljng your mom as an adult on your show to have her back you up only for it to turn out it was way worse, but like the way isaiah kept laughing about it for so long.. like hecan laugh and joke like that at his Own traumas if he has them. just. idk. tgisn podcast like just. ugh its making me irritated tot hink abt explaining whats happening in it to people like go watch it with adblock on, im gonnaskip explainjng more and jsut say some feelings to the void that id rather like scream at someone about. i was gonna say scream at assholes in the commmebts but i actually want their internet connection destroted and for them to be forced to dismantle their phones and pcs and set them on fire so they can never speak again.

isaiah is coming off like such a monster. like, “””as a joke””” acting like an asshole is still acting like an asshole, i dont care anymore that hes actually probably rly well intentioned and ncie bc he jsut needs to stop being fucking rancid and a shitty cohost and friend. an honestly i cant even believe the “hes actually nice” shit anymore. starting tj feel hes been an ashsole all along and just pretends to be a good guy. like he takes too much joy out of excessive bullying to be a good person. like genuine just bullying, with no consequences. ppl are like “oh hunters fine with it bc hes putting up with it” like as if every single person alive Never has to put up and laugh along shit that bothers them. specially on what is essentially their Job. hunter barely appears comfortable and he does not dish back nearly as viciously- and we jnow hes capable of rly dark humor and banter too, on his own channel tje vibe is completely different but he has none or that edge with isaiah. while isaiah is literally like i wnan dox you please fans m*lest hunter in the meet and greet, i want this guy dead; isaiah literlaly makea such a huge deal every time hunter had a disagreeing opinion irs clear hes started to just not weight in when he doesnt like something, itd be one thing to make these super intense mean comments if hunter did them back but every time isaiah would not take or tolerate it when it was towards himself,; and honestly all of the stuff before had been like accumulating to be pretty bad but rhe latest ep with the dog story eallyi guess like crosses a line of like, this is just genuinely wrong and i dont care how mcuh the comments say its ‘parasocial’to have basic human empathy! youre watchint a guy talk abt having the family dog shot in the back of the head in front of him by his grandfather, only to then find out on air feom his mother the shooting had been intentional and his grandfatehr was actuallt a monster instead of a disabled man traumatizinf you by accident. like the ironic tragedy of him calling his mom to back him up on that ‘its not a big deal’ only for her to contradict him is funny on a cosmic sense, but like it is iust. not that funny dude. like isaiah kept bursting into laughter just thinking about it. oh is it too absurd for you to take seriously? do yoh just not give a fuck about how tour friend might feel? dude didnt even fucking ask. he didnt eveb show a sliver of care , sympathy empathy anything. he literally says “ill never let you live this down”. LIVE WHAT DOWN???? having his grandfather intentionally shoot his dog in front of him as a 7 year old child? like what the actual fuck is wrong with him??!! have like even a shred of respect for your cohost, like its all ‘as a joke’ but if you consistently ‘as a joke’ act like a cruel manipulative bullying person, im just gonna choose to believe youre actually just that person using “humor” as a shield to excuse your behavior.

like wtf. i was actually a fan of isaiahs chanel first and i didnt rly vibe with hunter that much and i wouldnt have expected, bc i woildnt enjoy watching an asshole, that isaiah wouldve turned out to be such a self centered horrible person. like its all funny TO HIM, i dont get the sense its enjoyable at all to be in that room when isaiah is getting all giddy and having a kick out of treating hunter like a punching back. yeah he probably doesnt mean to be actually hurtful but it doesnt look like the thought even crosses his satan spawn eyes that someone could have a different reaction than the one he was intends there to be. like i dont know hunter and idk if id even like him if i talked to him in person but it sucks qnr is horrible to watch anyone be treated that way consistently. like i wish creepcaet juet actually ended or isaiah learned how to not be shitty. i dont care if its not in his nature to not be awful he should just try to pretend to be a decent person for once. like i feel bad for hunter becuase it comes across like hes more stuck in the podcast than enjoying it and i empathise with struggling to leave “friends” who treat you like shit. and its like work too, i have no idea how much of a monetary and reputation loss it would be to leave. ppl are like “theyre adults they surely worked within themselves” yeah bc no adult ever has struggled or been stuck in a situation thats hard to get out of. honestly like yeah this is just a shitty podcast with shitty fans who just enjoy watching a bigger guy get bullied for no reason because they are probably mostly awful bullies in their own lives too hurting the people around them and i dont need to convern myself over what people who get a kick out of hurting others think.

i guess obligatory like. insane and unwarranted comment to the hosts bc no one is readingnthis let alone either of them but its like what if they read it and like felt x or y way in reaction. maube writing this will give me some semblance of peace

@ hunter: you seem cool and youre a really talented artist and naturally funny on camera/audio. i relate to having memories from childhood warped like that, and im sure/i would imagine that was the story told because it was far from the actual worst one. i think you deserve to respect yourself more, im sure being bullied is no skin of your back, im fat and ive been derided bc of it my whole life, from since i was 70kg and im 100kg now. its smth you get used to and it feels like not a big deal but on a fundamental level i thibk everyone deserves to respect themselves at least enough to not let friends treat you like shit to this extent. like i know banter and teasing is normal, butlike. its so excessive dude. it comes across like youre just stuck there and idk your financials and maybe you coulr be, ive heard of stories like that wrt youtube projects, and subversive animations arent loved by youtube’s revenue. heavy condolences if this turns out to be the case and hoping things can change. im sure it would be hard to quit anyway bc ppl would make such a big deal abt it. but if you are free to leave at anytime and you have freedom and are safe with isaiah,thank god thats great, get the FUCK out of there or get isaiah to stop treatiny you like shit cause you deserve better. if somehow you iust love beint berated like that i guess like each to his own too, i just hope youre doing ok juwt oj the basis of beint a fellow human being who appears to be in a legitimately shitty situation. if you are ajd im insane, thats fine too, id rather be insane than someone be suffering.

sigh

@ isaiah: i really liked your youtube vids. you seemed like a decent enougu guy. ofc like i dont actualyl Know either of tou, injust am human and relating on basic emotional levels based on the behavior you choose to display online. man. what the hell is wrong with you? if i expected you to actually read this i would be more polite but i dont expect a single soul to read this, really. like, man… i want to believe theres capacity of good and kindness in every person so surely you must have it, and if you do.. why are you acting like that. is being mean That funny? i love dark humor but ive never taken joy out of actively bullying people so i cant really relate but like, surely you can find otuer ways to have fun with your friend? im sure you think its all fine bc hunter wont throw a tantrum like you do but some people are actually way more inwards with their emotions and like you coild try to be a little more interested in how someone else feels when you bully them. “as a joke”. like maybe its not as funny as you think itnis, or they migut not be enjoying it like you do. i know its hard to stop when you want to talk but please try to stop interrupting hunter repeatedly after you clewrly mustve heard him adter the call delay? honestly, i thought you were a fine guy but now its like maybe youre just on a power trip, havint someone hostage to validate your opinions on horror and to bully for fun who wont talk back to you in a way thats actually challenging. since you love the sounf of your own voice so much you could do a solo podcast, you dont need hunter to be there as a punching bag in order to make a podcast. if you lvoe and care about hunter as a friend sincerely and iust have been totally by accident actint like a major piece of shit, id like want to hope for you to improve as a person in how you act and id want to believe thats very possible, but episode after episode its just.. like i dont give a shit abt dark mean humor i dont care if you call us in the audience pieces of shit or freaks or whatever, we’re not there talking to you, but hunter Is hearing what youre saying and is actually there.like id say for a christian you are extremely cruel but that is just ao on brand for open christians to behave that way that i honestly wanted to believe you would subvert that expectation, but it seems i was wrong. you know like i dont get this being mean as a joke thinf and neber have, i would say if hunter died tomorrow would you not have rather spent time with him in a positive way where he was loved instead of berated, but youd most likely “joke” that youre glad hes dead and that you didnt bully him enough. im not christian and i dont believe in heaven or hell but i know for you that youre most likely not seeing the pearly gates until you learn to pretend to be a good person to your friends. its probably not even smth you genuinely want to do or care to do but you could make that sacrifice of being nicer so the world is a better place while it has to have you here.

big sigh this isjsut hggggghhhhhh like a shame bc i love horror and i had enjoyed isaiahs youtube vids but , man this is such a disappointment. obviously i dont rly wana watch the podcast anymore butni like hunter reading and his voice and i would just hope for the best for him going forward, and the insane in my brain is like i gotta check it out maybe isaiah apologizes and acts like normal and nice without being rancid for once. even tho i know that wont be true bc it hasnt been for weeks since i started watching, i guess ill tune in for the next and if he foesnt shape up i’ll quit it. find a diff horror podcast or smth. makes me sad imagining hunter stuck in there. kike idk if hes even a good person like hes edgy on his own channel too but in general like he comes across like isaiah used to , lile someone who just seems fine and i havent heard anything saying theres smth horribly wrong with him. just on a basic human level it sucks to see people struggle and suffer. speciallt when its situations i relate and have been to. its been at least (uhh math…) damn 10 years or smth since an event that really stuck with me, where i was kust telling soem school friend abt my life at home bc we were just talking, and i relayed one of the ways my parents would beat me and how i was so scary, and she burst our cackling in my face. its a feeling that took a long time to stop having it sting in my head. she wasnt intending to laugh At me, or bc she thought beating children was genuinely good or funny, but to her the situation was so absurd it was funny. i can understand that on a detached level like if it wasnt real there would be some comedy timing to it. but instead i iust felt like a joke. like i was stupid, like it was this really funny ass thing, and i tried to play along, and it was like the fear trauma and pain that resulted from those events was a joke too. like i was stupid for having my life warped ny the abuse and it affecting me, because it was just so absurd and funny! like damn, i shouldve been abused as a child in a less absurd and funny way so people wouldnt mock me to my face about it. i guess i deserve it and its natural to be treated this way. until i met someoje who actually respected and gave a fuck about me and wouldnt make me feel that way i thoight it was normal and like i was fine with it too. i used to get bullied communally by my entire classroom for half of middle school and i thought those people were called friends too because id never been treated any better by anyone.

hgggghj i think its helped a bit to get it off my chest, maybe. man this sucks. i wish people would iust be nicer to eachother. life is so short, and some people cant even have the courtesy to not be tormented by people they call friends

[arosebyan0thername]

Medical stuff under the cut (nothing like graphic or anything i just wanna complain because I have diseases and I'm always mad about it)

My last cardiologist did several tests, found mild PAC (my atrium sometimes beats too early and out of sync with the rest of my heart but it's uncommon and mostly just an inconvenience/nuisance at its current level), plus the regurgitation in three chambers that a previous cardiologist found (also mild, just means the valves don't close tight so there's a little bit of blood that doesn't pump all the way through every time my heart beats but again it's not a big deal atm), and it's all mild and a lot of people have that stuff BUT because I have EDS (if normal people are held together with superglue I'm held together with silly putty) and I have noticeable cardiac symptoms, it's supposed to be well monitored and we're supposed to be on the lookout for further complications and ways to prevent anything from getting worse. So prev cardio found that stuff, called me in for the world's shortest follow up appt to say "yeah youre fine totally healthy see you in a year bye" and I said hey hang on what about the diseases and he was like "uuuuugghhhh well we COULD do another test if you FORCE ME TO if you COMPLAIN AND THROW A FIT but you're fine and I know you're fine and the test is a waste because you're fine because I said so, so I don't wanna order it and I dont want you to ask for it so dont but if you do then FINE we CAN get a cat scan of your heart but it's USELESS so DONT" (mild dramatization but the tone is accurate) so I left that practice. Just had my first appointment with my new cardiologist who seems to have like actually heard of EDS at some point unlike the last one who needed me to spell ehlers danlos so he could write it down and then asked me what it did. I explained how I felt dismissed by the old one and how when I said I was still symptomatic he said "tough" and it's always Very Scary to tell a new doctor that bc there's a decent likelihood that they'll just assume you're not gonna listen to anything they say and you're making everything up and gonna argue about all of it, but he at least pretended to be understanding which is below the bare minimum but still better than some. We talked about what treatments I've tried before and what my symptoms are, and he is gonna order me a cat scan and suggested it before I said the other one did bc he thinks every EDS patient should definitely have a cat scan bc our major blood vessels are more often than not fucked up and bad at it and that could be where a lot of my issues are coming from, but he did also say that mostly for EDS it's a lot of avoiding things that make us symptomatic bc the problem is usually not full dysfunction but rather lack of regulation. So like I tried a bp raising drug once bc my bp drops too low with certain activity, but it was raising it too high without that activity (he said it should've been prescribed as needed but mine was daily and thats part of the issue). So that's basically gonna be the case with most meds bc my symptoms have specific triggers and aren't just constant, so its mostly what I'm already doing which is just avoiding what are normal everyday activities for normal people bc my body is Bad At It™️ generally. And like, that sucks to hear but I'm willing to accept if thats the answer. I'm not seeking medications (there aren't even any Good Drugs to combat the issues I have anyway), I just wanted An Answer and the previous guy didn't give me one.

Tl;dr, i guess, is that if you hate a doctor and they suck, you're allowed and encouraged to just stop seeing them and go to a different one instead. They cannot yell at you or put you on time out or even like charge you a "leaving the practice" fee or something. It feels scary and not allowed but it's not, you're totally allowed and definitely should.

[roseofithaca]

A Different Kind of Family

Following on from On Stormy Seas, set in my Second Chances AU.

-

Hey. Really sorry about blowing up like that earlier. Know how much you hate arguments. Feelings are just hard to manage when little, don't you think? Don't worry about replying this straight away, you're probably asleep, told the bird to leave it on your windowsill for morning. - S

Don't worry about it. Can't sleep anyway. Thought I was gonna nod straight off before my head hit the pillow but guess I'm overtired? Idk. And I can still feel the bed moving like we're on water, it's weird! - A

LOL, glad it's not just me! William did say it might take a day or two for our 'sea legs' to wear off. Hopefully it won't take longer than that for Mary and him to make up. - S

First time I've ever seen you two argue. You okay? - A

Yeah, I'm fine. Therapy dog is curled around me. <3 I don't think Mary's so much as raised her voice at me like that since the day we met. You know, before she tried to burn me, apparently! Guess it could have been worse. I just got so mad at her for being so unfair to William! Did you see how hurt he looked? Think that was the first time I saw him stop smiling, bless him. :( - S

I missed that, I was already hiding under Dad's coat. :p But I'd never heard silence quite that loud after she said it. Hope Lys is ok. I know I'd have been pissed if anyone said something like that to Humphrey. Think her situation is more complicated though. - A.

Already sent her a message but I can remember her saying she only learned to read, not write. Shame, we could get a bit of a group chat going. The Dead Foundlings or something? Lol - S

Hmm. Support Group For Adopted Kids Of Crazy Dead Folk? Title needs work. Kitty can join when she gets her arse up here. Fingers crossed we'll be back to normal by then! - A

Goddess willing! I know we wanted our parents to have the proper experience of having a child but I don't think we thought it through them actually treating us like children. D'oh. - S

At least we know it's because they care. Better than what we had before, I guess. - A.

Point taken. I get that she was just worried...doesn't excuse what she said to Will but, I guess we could have tried harder to contact them. I could have tried using a bird like we are now...Just had too much fun to think. Stupid kid brain. - S

Lol, yeah blame that! Anyway, I gotta sleep, Humphrey tucked me in an hour ago and I can hear him still up and about. Night. - A

Woah, he actually tucked you in? Soooo cute! Night night! - S

-

Angus the cockerel hadn't even given out their usual morning wake up call when there came a knocking at the front door. Mary was already up, though she hadn't really slept much during the night.

It wasn't quite who she'd been hoping would be standing on the doorstep, but it was the next best thing.

"Oh...Mornin', little'en." She smiled at the braided maiden stood before her.

"'Morrow." Elysabeth greeted, a little downcast. She carried a rather heavy looking sack in both hands; "Just came to drop off these. Silver collected them during our voyage."

"Lemme take those, love....Oof, by all the saints, this doth weigh a ton! You dids haul this all the way from thy ship with those arms?!" Mary said, heaving what felt like a bag full of rocks into the cottage and leaving them against the stairs.

Lyssie shrugged; "T'is no bother...and I may have had some help halfway..."

Her eyes didn't quite meet Mary's. The older woman read her expression well enough. Those helping hands hadn't wanted to make it to the door. Mary couldn't blame him.

"Please come in, Lyssie, pet. I can make thee a brew o' peppermint tea."

The young girl tried to make excuses but Mary insisted, beckoning her inside. Silver and Annie were both still asleep.

"I is sorry. For my words last night. I shoulds not have lost my temper....and please send my apologies to William, I knows he meant no harm." Mary explained as she strained the tealeaves and herbs into the mugs of boiled water, adding some honey to sweeten Lyssie's.

The girl rubbed her arm as she sat at the table.

"Why did you say that? About Ro...'Robin'?"

Mary waved her hand up; "Pay no mind to me, little'en, I's say all sorts a nonsense when I be vexed! Just a frettin' mothers' rambling."

"Please." Lyssie implored for her honesty; "You said I was....his....But he never said anything like that...Like what you and Silver have. Or Amy and her da..."

The older woman sighed and went to sit at the table, placing her cup down on the coaster Silver had carved for her with a picture of a cow and a heart.

"....Me and Robin did have many a talks durin' our time together. Other than Annie...he were the ghost I be closest too...." Mary explained; "T'were many a moonlit night where we woulds sit beneath the stars and talk. When I met my Silver, I shared my fears with him...'bout how I feared her crafts...but also wanted to be close to her. I spoke to him of the hurt I'ds suffered as a mummy before....and he shared with me stories about his own little ones....So many funny names he woulds mention, similar to the one you and William knew him by....And at the end, he woulds always include thy name too, with such fondness in his eyes. Like ye be one of his 'cubs', as he say."

Lyssie placed her hands around the cup, staring into the liquid and inhaling the scent.

"I always thought I were the one caring for him..." She thought with a small grin.

"Don't change nothin'. My Silver has taught me more than I has her, I believe. Taught me to read, write my name, all the magic in crystals and candles and all them othe gods we be told were demons. Changed my view of the world for the better....I still be her mummy."

"Rogh was not my da. Even if he thought that way, I dids not." Lyssie stated; "But I nots love him less than Silver loves thee. He were....my Rogh. That's all. Dids not need a name for it."

Mary nodded; "I understands, little'en."

"Same goes for William. Whatever we be, t'is not thy place to judge. Especially not when thy family be anything close to 'traditional' either!"

The farmer took that blow, humbled. It was true. The life she had made for herself, with a wife and adopted daughter, not a single man-one to answer to, was worlds away from the home she had been brought up to believe was 'normal' when alive.

"I am truly sorry, missy. Hope that tea be part of my atonement."

Lyssie took a sip; "....T'is a start. Some o' them biscuits might help though..."

Mary tittered; "I cans see why them boys adore you so."

A finger tapped his shoulder. William turned around to find a cinnamon bun held before his nose.

"Peace offerin' from Mary." Smiled Lyssie, standing on the dock with him; "Says she's sorry about last night."

"Heh...Thought I were the one in the dog 'ouse!" William joked, weakly, happily taking the danish from his First Mate.

The two of them sat together, legs hanging over the pier. The Gorgon Queen, their ship and home, sat comfortably on the water close by.

"Mmm...These ain't 'alf bad. Don't tell 'er I still prefer Annie's though." Will muttered through a mouthful of sweet pastry.

"Be nice. She tried. We is lucky she didn't skin our hides, given how protective she is over her girl." Lyssie smirked.

William nodded, making a face as if to say he was grateful to get away with his manhood attached. He took another bite.

"She weren't all wrong though, was she..." He said, surprisingly serious; "I mean...them lasses. They've both got these mums or dads who care for 'em...and there's you, Starfish, stuck with me puttin' you to work like a swabbie!"

"Oi, I ain't no swabbie, I be thy second in command, am I not?"

"Indeed you are...Perhaps should hire an actual swabbie. Save you havin' to do menial work on her." He said with a nod to their ship.

"Will, I enjoy working on her! Honest! I were practically an invalid for best part of a thousand years! Had to be hoisted around on someone's shoulders half the time!" She explained, shuffling closer; "I loves having a purpose, a job...I takes pride in it, I do."

"Hmmm..." He said, scratching his stomach; "Still. Can't help but feel guilty. Of all the folks you could be with...Rogh, Godric, they knew how to be dads...Blast, even old Clarence is a father to that flock o' his....Then there's me. Never spent much time around kids before meeting thee. Feel a bit useless to ya half the time."

"Thou are not useless. Just an idiot." Lyssie smirked; "If I wanted a da, like that, I'd have stayed with Godric or Clarence...but I dids not. I choose to go with thee. Without thee, I'ds be an empty shell, sat watching them waters."

A blush appeared on gruff face; "I be most honored for ye kind words, Starfish...But I sees the way ye look out whenever we approach land or visit them magic waters. I know thy little heart still pines for him, just as we saw Amy's did for her old man."

"And I probably always will...until Rogh joins us." Elysabeth sighed; "But thou be more than just a substitute. You is my Cap'n. We be as much a family as the Bones and Guppys, we is."

"Ha...Glad you agree. C'mere, lass." He tugged the young girl into his arms, Elysabeth struggling for a moment, spilling cinnamon onto his tunic as he crushed her.

Later, she called down one of the seagulls with her song and tied a simple message to its talon, sending it off to Silver and Amy.

No words. She's still working on that.

Just a sketch of the three of them on the ship, William and Humphrey smiling from the tiller. The best of times.

-

"You did apologise then?" Silver asked for the third time.

"Yes, little'en! Well..." Mary gave a shrug; "I sent a sorry in the form of a treat via young Lyssie. But I shall give my sorries in person when they come round for tea tonight."

Her daughter's face lit up at that. She was knelt before the coffee table in the living room, crayons and paper sprawled out on the surface. Her coordination might be lacking but it was easy to find joy in sketching and coloring, almost as much as a video game.

"I'm sorry I called you horrible." She said.

"Oh, love. You weren't wrong. Mummy was bein' a right ol' beast." Mary admitted, reaching to tickle her daughter's neck.

"I shouldn't have yelled it though."

Her mother knelt down to plant a kiss on her head.

"I needed tellin' offs, sweetheart. Worry not. Turns out I still need lessons from thee." She rubbed her nose up against Silver's, making the young girl giggle.

The large sack in the corner of her eye caught Mary's attention.

"Oh I dids almost forget. Young Lyssie said this be one of your memorables from your trip!" She said, going over to drag it across; "Honestly, what be in here? Boulders?"

"Nooo!" Silver laughed; "Open it!"

Mary did so, untying the rope and having a peek. Dozens of shiny, pink and white and silver and green objects of various shapes glistened up at her.

"Oh! These be...."

"Seashells." Silver grinned; "Whole beach we landed on were full of them! They were gorgeous! William helped me gather as many as I could. I thought...uhmmm..."

She reached to pick up one of the drawings she'd been working on and showed it to Mary.

A design of a gown. One crafted entirely from objects similar to those in the sack.

"Your seashell dress. The one you always wanted to wear during the game back...Back Before." The little Pagan smiled, fiddling with the hem of her Lion King tshirt; "I thought we could try making it together."

Mary's lips pursed as tears pricked at her eyes again. Good tears this time.

"Sounds perfect, my darling girl."

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Heyy, it’s been a couple of days since I’ve posted, even longer since I’ve been consistent. I would say I’ve been busy but that would be a lie because I haven’t actually had less time than usual to post. Truth is some stuff’s gone down, partially on this very platform, and it’s made it very hard to post. If you don’t want to read a kind of venty angsty personal post the TL;DR is I’ll get back to posting semi-regularly once I’ve dealt with some stuff but I promise it has nothing to do with the people who interact with my blog. You’re the highlight of my day even if it’s “just” a like and I’m sorry for the recent dip in posts.

I don’t wanna go into detail because surprise! I don’t actually like going out of my way to create drama with people and one person involved has essentially harassed me on every platform we share. That’s why I haven’t spoken about this before, and I’m only saying this now because I realized I’ve forgotten to respond to several reblogs and I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m ignoring them or abandoning this blog or anything. Basically, I feel bad about leaving without explanation and also I kind of want to vent? So without getting too specific: A close friendship recently died a slow, torturous death over several months, slowly getting worse until the other person threw me in the trash like I meant nothing. Then he came back two weeks later and tried to guilt trip me for being upset at him for how he treated me.

In that two week period some stuff went down on Tumblr here and well… there’s no way to sugarcoat this, so I’ll be blunt: it’s made me terrified to post anything on here. Every time I want to post something I feel sick to my stomach with dread because what if it’ll happen again? Or, alternatively, what if I’m next? And it sucks because I’m not even 100% sure it was aimed at me, but it lines up a little too perfectly and maybe I’m paranoid and it’s all on me but maybe it’s not and if that’s the case… I’d rather be wrong, for once, but the problem is that there’s no way to know for certain. I’ve been stewing in this weird, complicated mishmash of emotions and confusion and I honestly have no idea how to deal with it. I thought time would help, as it usually does, but clearly this is a special case.

Before anyone says it, yes. I’m aware that this is a subtweet, which is not a cool or nice thing to do unless it’s a joke between friends. That’s another thing that made me not want to post this. I hate being mean to people who aren’t mean to me first, and as I said I have no solid proof from a trustworthy source without ulterior motives that this had anything to do with me (which is what I usually use as my standard for when to start hitting back) but I just can’t seem to let it go. Every time I have an AU I wanna share I get this creeping, uncomfortable, clawing feeling crawling underneath my skin and tightening in my chest and I hate it. I hate it so much I cannot even describe it properly.

It makes me wanna scrape my skin off with sandpaper and scrub myself clean from the inside out with an iron sponge. I wanna claw my heart out of my chest and shake it until it stops feeling like this and the only comfort here is that I’ve found some fancy new descriptions to use in my writing. Speaking of: I’ll post on AO3 again soon, hopefully today or tomorrow, but just like with my blog I’m so drained of energy and I feel so nauseous about posting I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it again, which sucks because I love posting on all these platforms! It shouldn’t feel like a chore but it does now and I don’t know if there’s anything that’ll ever make it fully go away. It’s become more manageable, hence why I’m posting this, so I’m clinging to the hope it’ll all ebb away at some point. Until then though my posting schedule is gonna be even more inconsistent than it usually is, so I’m very sorry about that. Hope you all have a wonderful day and I’m sorry about the venty post I’ve subjected you to 😅