#is this self sabotage or self care?

[softguarnere]

Hey so remember a few months ago when I graduated and claimed that you would never see the "dove gets that degree" tag ever again . . . What if I told you that my new job has not panned out the way I hoped and that I'm applying to grad school because I desperately need to change the path I'm on in life? What then :)

[huginsmemory]

Been thinking about how Bill legitimately had a horrifying reason (the literal progressive disintegration of the nightmare realm that erases whatever it disintegrates from existence completely) to move himself and his crew into a new dimension. Like that's terrifying. And yet he never utilizes this to his favour. He could have been honest about this with Ford, and you KNOW as long as Bill didn't mention plans of overtaking the earth, Ford would've made the portal for him, both out of Ford's own interest and because Ford when faced with these big moral questions will pull through. But this is a card Bill NEVER plays because although he needs to leave the dimension, he cannot lose face. He can't put aside his pride and admit to the humility that he needs to flee from his dimension, that he's not actually all powerful. And so instead he pretends to be a muse and when Ford figures out something else is going on, instead of being open and humble and saying that his dimension is unravelling, Bill focuses on that he's going to over take earth, that he's actually been a monster all along, surprise Ford!

And part of it is definitely because Bill's built himself up on power and violence and to grovel and earnestly ask for help, to admit that he cannot stop the unraveling of his dimension completely invalidates that; showing vulnerability? Can't do that, even under the guise of lying to get his way. And part of it makes you wonder if it's also a form of self-sabotage, because underneath his deep denial Bill is guilty over what he occurred; he sees himself as a monster and so he'll be that monster, and having people recognize that feels good in the same way that pressing a bruise feels good. But it makes you wonder what would've happened if Bill even just was open about his dimension unravelling and had lied about overtaking the earth.

It's also interesting because although Bill has SOME charisma and can manipulate people decently well (as evidenced by his cult, and pandering to people's desires with Ford, Mabel and Blendin), he refuses to be vulnerable, refuses to not be true to his off-putting self, even when if he was just vulnerable of pretended to not be himself, to put aside the (false) pride he has in himself he would've gotten a portal by now. and part of me wonders if it's because it's this false pride that built on insecurity and denial on who he is he cannot drop that mask.

Further thoughts on this!

[the-girl-with-too-many-ideas]

Shen Yuan's life would have actually been far more difficult if he was the only transmigrator. Instead of airplane, he would have been dealing with an active and malicious spy who would not have hesitated to take advantage of him and his situation.

Either he believes the entire amnesia story or picks up that SY is an imposter. Maybe even both. He believes the amnesia first but then realizes something more is going on when he tries to take advantage of the so-called "amnesia."

Whatever the case, Shen Yuan's life would have gone from easy mode to medium or even outright hard.

[furiousgoldfish]

I hate how abusive parents love to imply that you know nothing about the 'real world', as if they're sheltering you and protecting you from the big evil out there, so you're 'naive and innocent' and don't know how bad it is outside, but what they're really 'sheltering' you from are survival skills and vital knowledge of how to function in the world! They sure are not sheltering you from evil! They're not sheltering you from abuse! They're not sheltering you from cruelty and violence and apathy in the face of suffering! They're not sheltering you from how it feels to be unprotected and isolated in an environment in dangerous individuals! You have all possible experiences of that! You have intimate and extended knowledge of that! You even know how to survive living with them! But self care and taxes, that is the gatekept information. God forbid you know how to live independently.

[drpoisonoaky]

some people are invested in the canon yuri, some people are invested in the non canon yaoi, but instead i’m here invested in a non canon kinda crackship in which one of the characters isn’t even there and isn't ever going to be there…

[unshallow-feelings]

I think there's an essay to be written about Mizi and Ivan both believing that Till doesn't care about them but both of them want to form some connection with him and vice versa.

[studyblr-perhaps]

A tangent from my studyblr posts but as much as I love being born in the generation I am, I sometimes yearn for the time my mother describes as her childhood, but simply in terms of nature. How there used to be snow in her yard, being a village in the Himalayas, how you could see mountains and mountains, vast and magestic. I only remember bits and pieces from my memory as a child of how gorgeous they used to look.

Now because of global warming and pollution you can't see anything except for the closest mountain, and it hasn't snowed there since she was a teen. And it's just so sad, how we've lost the beauty of nature in the name of development. Now that I wish to go to Europe and settle there, objectively better in terms of seeing nature, hearing the news of natural disasters and global warming causing an issue even there makes all my motivation to do better drown. What if I cannot experience nature the way I want to even there? What if I am never destined to be able to look at the blue sky, clouds, trees and mountains?

[akirathedramaqueen]

You know what I love about this show so much?

The kindness. The understanding. The redemption.

And that's in the setting of fucking Hell. The irony.

The characters are deeply flawed. They make a lot of mistakes. They fuck up even trying to fix things.

But they are trying. They have a lot of virtues, too, even though they don't see them themselves. They slowly but surely process their problems. They work around their trauma and the conditions they were raised in, deeply affected by it, hurting but still powering through, learning, and developing.

Although we are far from the end of these characters' journey, the SpindleHorse team does an amazing job of making these characters sympathetic, believable, and real. They give you the information and the opportunity to understand how complicated things are, how both sides of the conflict can be understood and blamed at the same time.

And the main thing? The forgiveness and redemption. You want these characters to do better, to be better, of course. But you also want them to be loved, despite the fact that what they did was obviously wrong.

You, as the viewer, already forgive them, and you just want them to forgive themselves. To allow themselves to be loved.

When I watched the show and saw them making the same mistakes I did, some horrible things I wouldn’t forgive myself for and struggled with for years, I suddenly understood the struggle. I empathized with them. I wanted to give them a hug. I wanted to comfort them and promise that things would get better and encourage them to give it one more try, one more talk. I wanted to scold them for self-loathing because I know all too well the kinds of dark places it can lead you to sometimes.

And then the thought comes to mind, "Can I afford a bit of this empathy for myself too? Just allow myself to live with the fuckup and allow myself to be human?"

It didn't fix me. But it eased my turmoil and taught me to understand it better. It taught me some empathy, too, and I thought I was the one with the emotional ingelligence of a nightstand. Well, I still kinda am, but at least I learned to listen to people sometimes.

I just want to thank the whole team who worked on Helluva Boss for all the self-reflections I experienced with their creation.

Thank you.

[skunkes]

Nooooo that sad little smunkler has broken my heart! Wtf Talon stop being so mean to him for no reason!!! >:[

its okay, he just has bad days sometimes

[cheese-water]

I love Tina’s interactions with Cellbit because her mind isn’t clouded by unconditional love or unwavering fear or even pity when looking at him. Bagi told her the ins and outs of his past trauma but she doesn’t use it to excuse his current actions. Tina probably has the most objective view on Cellbit among the islanders, being that he’s a fucking asshole. She will not tolerate anyone hurting Bagi, even her own brother, but Tina also knows that if anything happens to Cellbit (oh no accidentally murdered your toxic twin oops!), she will be absolutely devastated.

So instead, we get violent death glares, bomb threats, and constant bickering whenever Bagi isn’t looking at them. And I adore it so much.

[bloodyrosesnthorns]

i think everyone's better off without me.

[iheartbookbran]

Also ngl I kinda love the concept of Debling courting Penelope and Colin getting jealous because of it, not because I ship it (he’s barely a character) or because I’m part of the crowd that wants to see Colin ~suffer (though I’m not opposed to seeing him dramatically yearn), but because the reason Penelope specifically is going after this vegan man is so fascinating to me. Like, she obviously doesn’t love him. But she will marry him to protect LW… she’ll marry him to please Portia, that’s so funny.

Girl’s so desperate to escape her awful family life while at the same time keeping her secret, but she also wants her mother’s approval. And she’s so caught up in that toxic mindset that she completely misses the guy she’s been in love with since childhood making heart eyes at her from across the ballroom.

Pen only has her parents’ terrible marriage as a frame of reference, so she probably thinks it’s a bonus if her future husband is much older than her because that could make her a young widow. He’ll leave the country for the majority of the year to fuck off to Antarctica? Oh to be left alone by your own life partner!!!

Meanwhile Portia is enthusiastically nodding behind Penelope like yes, perhaps he’ll die at sea, and neither of them think there’s anything wrong with this outlook in life.

Hilarious.

[kittylittersmoothie]

+ me obsessively checking my notifications despite the fact that i have been purposefully avoiding virtually everyone again due to my self-sabotaging nature and due to a hope someone will intuitively reach out

...only for me to ultimately disregard their question

[juhnkit]

[bitchthefuck1]

you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.

There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.

[faunabel]

my fave form of what's basically friends to lovers is when two people meet and have all their own baggage and the connection they form together and love they have for each other forces them to unpack all that baggage if they want to make things work. the kind of relationship where you're forced to look in the mirror and stop avoiding ur own problems because that person forces u to confront all of them (and u force them to confront theirs, too) because the relationship will Not work if you keep up all these walls either from your person of interest or even from urself!!! and there's too much of something there to give up and move on because it's difficult

the kind of thing where there's romance but the real plot of it all is self transformation through loving another. like the focus is on two individuals w/ their own lives who come together and have romantic feelings for each other vs the romance itself being the plot.

and maybe in the end they don't even stay together! maybe it doesn't work out! but there's drastic change and an undeniable impact they both made in each other's lives that will live on. is changing for the better not love in its rawest form?