#is that u will always wonder when people are gonna do that to u
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And there you go. There's a leek is bee's
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I love this latent implication that a bee derives a life directing joy from the passive production of honey
#gonna have to assume I have always had access to both sides or alll sides or however you feeling like labeling#when I put things in perspective you are a good girlfriend who has been with me the entire time in this life#I actually said out loud yeah I was hanging out with two dudes online but no it was just one you#one fateful day she throws me here take this picture when we were just two foola peeking through wondows#and sometimes I would wonder if you were in the dark watching my window through yours#it is so hard to come to terms you were fully aware of my thoughts on things the entire time#but I gave them to you long before and after ao it makes sense#presence#we had plenty of those for each other all fall that's for surely#it is quite a rudimentary alphabet occult in the deathly hallows#I like this because it is my favorite story if all time#people are like itsya kids book kinda and U was like I don't give a fuuuuuuck#to a cuban: yeah I am going to a book party have you ever tried reading#sure show me the dotted line#I have a son I don't really care#like new bikes but can't throw me a few hundred ok#god...go do that on my own fuck thT#I talked to the mexicans did the fucking job and went home#Isauro: a girl mentions Wranglers (I didn't hire them....dumb Hector is) Isauro goes and asks her for sex but he is willing to pay her#only in Florida can you go into a swamp and listen to the Mexicans and their ways#Mayans? Builders? sure I've worked with and for them all amd none of them#e wallet#she told me she gave me her wallet at mons....she didn't even have a place to carry cigarettes and a lighter#just kidding you knew I was holding#what if I would have been like hey nah I don't have any cigs#yeah right a amoking show from you too#me: yeah yeah here you go me: 👁️👁️#I wanted to put my arm around you being in that state of dress in this place
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it is ok to ask for help. people are not going to hate me for asking for help
#i just. hm.#i know me and the other dude are in different situations#where we've been telling him to get therapy for months#and he just. doesn't#and then he puts all his problems on us and complains about it#and im trying. im trying so so so fucking hard#and i know she sees me trying and knows i want to Get OUT and not wallow in my misery#and i will get out. im incredibly stubborn#but also the thing about being friends with people and then turning on them#is that u will always wonder when people are gonna do that to u#but also he SUCKS and i shouldn't compare us#like multiple people have told me to not compare myself to him because we're very different people#im Useful and i Contribute to friendships. it's Ok for me to ask for help sometimes#but also she helps me SO much#but also she Offered for both the swimming and cleaning#and if she minds i think she'd tell me??#the thing that bothers me about this dynamic is that we will spend literal hours yelling at each other and arguing at work#(because she's Wrong about basic thermodynamics and refuses to fucking admit it).#like to the point where people used to come up to me afterwards and ask if i was good and we'd have to be like 'no we don't hate each other'#'this is just how we talk'#and that's fine that's familiar and comfortable and i don't mind it at all#and when i actually need help (outside of work) she doesn't make fun of me At All and is super super encouraging even when i suck ass#yes im complaining about someone being nice to me.#i just don't want her to get tired of me#and if she's seeing me every single day of the week i feel like she'll get tired of me#cause im So much#but also she's a lot! and i don't mind so#i should just communicate. i should just be like 'hi remember that bitch ass boy he really fucked me up in terms of how i view hanging out'#'and im feeling insecure'#she constantly tells me to communicate
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luck-of-the-drawings · 5 months ago
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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boxwinebaddie · 5 months ago
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hi nina!! can we plz see some of the char sheet youre doing?
AWWWW!!!! this is so sweet, omg. ;-; <3
i fucking LOVE character sheets sm; it is a relic from when i first broke into writing online and used to tumblr rpg ( cringe ). i just feel like they really help you see and understand your characters and figure out what they look like, how they act, what their motivations are, etc.
but yes!!!! i spend a lot of time on them and i haven't had a lot of time...recently, so i haven't been able to work on the ones i have for The Nasty Nina Boys From ( Fine As ) Hell, but you can have this little section i started on appearance in the ravenstan one ( he has been on my mind a lot lately, i srsly love him so much, he's my baby )
i'll drop it under the cut for you <3
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-uncle nina, tumblr rpg survivor, char sheet queena
#AAAAAA#this is so cute idk i get excited#when people ask me for character des#and character stuff where i go into crazy detail#hopefully the sex/gender identity was stated correctly#i try to consult my trans friends and do research often#anyways in case u were wondering how ravenstan's hair looks to me idk i'm sorry its not as nasty as yall probably think it is#its v chaotic blonde bi roxstar s4 eren yeager izumi miyamura#thats my closest approximation i fear#it gets touched up a lot and always kinda looks good...Sigh.#i did give him my Trich tho god bless him it sucks :/#and my bipolar like he really is my son huh#but yeah i hope u think its cute there are like 73209473 sections but they take me a while bc i like to go into#Laser Focus Amounts Of Detail but bc i can't draw and i can only write as vividly as i can i hope its a good visual ref#also i love him i love the lil half up half down stan hair style i'm sorry ur gonna have to pry that out of my cold dead hands#also his lil hipdips he is saur cute i love him so bad#his legs are lowk long hi model rstan#i keep forgetting hes Tall in the platforms love that#when i tell u the shit-izens of south park were telling stan routinely at like 11 that he should model...honestly i see it#he do be slouching tho modelling agencies would hate him like why is this man fine as hell and burping Out Loud???#and putting his feet up on the couch and being DISGUSTIN#yeah...yeah...anyways i love him thank u for asking#nina character sheet supremacy BABEY
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britneyshakespeare · 8 months ago
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I don't know who needs to hear this but the Black Parade isn't even a tad bit overrated
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dubacheryking · 9 days ago
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i fucking hate people who play purity police about art i hate people that cant like a dark piece of art without saying OH WELL ITS FUCKED UP or OH HE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO JAIL FOR THIS ONE!!!! shut the fuck up ITS A FICTIONAL SONG. SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPPPPPP
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 22 days ago
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
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Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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villainsidestep · 7 months ago
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oh survivor!fawn we are really in it now
#gideon shut the hell up challenge#people keep saying they’re sorry for your loss. Your Loss. that is how they refer to your brothers. how they refer to you.#you have always been one of three. part of the pack. and that has always been fine but now you are alone and you are not You but your loss.#julia says sorry for your loss. ricardo says sorry for your loss. you yell that it should be their loss too. it is everyone’s loss.#they have lost your brothers and now they have lost you too. (fate works in funny ways you think)#at the funeral people offer apologies. offer you flowers. offer you baked goods and stories of how [your loss] saved them or their mom or#their dad’s uncle’s wife’s coworker’s daughter’s friend from childhood or someone else equally unimportant. someone alive.#[I’m sorry for your loss] they all say and you do not say thank you. there is no being thankful for [your loss].#[I’m sorry] says ricardo. you stop listening. [I’m sorry] says julia. you wonder if she said it to the man she punched.#you do not apologize back. you do not let it be [their loss]. it is yours. they have always been yours.#[I’m sorry] says chen . for river and cyrus. the first to use their names with you. to acknowledge them as your brothers. to make them more#than just the pieces of you that have been broken. and you thank him.#we like writing in tags sorry !!!! also at some point the original idea was that any parts of ‘I’m sorry for your loss’#would start distorting and then get blacked out to show like. when u hear smth so much and esp w grief that u just block it out#anyway. survivor!fawn but still factoring in that chen is not afraid to just. Say Things.#esp in v3 I think the ortegas would be even more cautious w fawn out of wanting to not upset them and meanwhile chen is like yeah I’m gonna#just straight up acknowledge ur brothers for u bc I can tell that’s what u need#we are also thinking abt v3!au and fawn being heartbreak but. that’s not for this post obvs#verse: you are the survivor; you carry the guilt
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agayconcept · 4 months ago
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#when im extra depressed i watch old yt compilations#this week is critical role moments#and ugh. Ugh#i always forget how mf touch-starved and affection-starved i am until i watch those 8 interact w each other#like. always touching. so much touching#i havent had a cuddly / touchy friend in like 6+ years and i am Suffering for it#like as much as w any other people im v touch-averse and dont want that at all#when it comes to friends i am extremely pro touch and genuinely love being affectionate#and i Can't#and sometimes that sucks ngl#no shade to my friends who aren't comf w that obviously#that's 100% gr8 and i would never push or wanna make them uncomf lots of ppl dont like that#i just. used to always have at least 1 friend who /was/ okay with it that i could be as cuddly as i wanted with#and now i dont and it ??? is getting to a point where it is almost painful#like str8 up i've had to talk to my therapist abt this the last 6 months bc its becoming a bit dire#hugs r wonderful dont get me wrong but thats the max amount of touch for my ok-with-touch friends#and the rest r no-touch#whereas im sitting here like 😭😭😭 PLS I JUST WANNA HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND#OR LEAN MY HEAD ON SOMEONE'S SHOULDER OR HAVE AN ARM AROUND A WAIST OR A HEAD IN A LAP#OR STR8 UP SNUGGLIN ON A COUCH#I DESPERATELY NEED IT#ANY OF IT IT DOESNT NEED TO BE ALL OF THAT#I FEEL LIKE I AM SHRIVELLING UP LIKE A SENTIENT RAISIN INSIDE#JUST HAVIN ALL THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF ME THRU LACK OF TOUCH#I WANT SOMEONE TO RUFFLE MY HAIR OR PAT MY ARM OR KISS MY CHEEK#HELL I'LL TAKE A HAND ON MY BACK PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STOPPING ME FROM WALKING INTO TRAFFIC#WHICH AT THIS POINT I AM TEMPTED TO DO DUE TO EMOTIONAL DISTRESS LMAO (DEVASTATED LAUGHTER)#aiyaiyai and i cant even just go and Make New Friends bc most spaces to do that arent accessible or safe for me#the only friends i've made in the last few years r thru Mutual Autism Vibes~ and they're all anti-touch#WHERE R THE OTHER TOUCH-STARVED CUDDLY AUTISTICS AT ??? WHERE R U ??? COME FIND ME PLS I BEG !!! i feel like im gonna die fr
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skittlewaffle · 2 years ago
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Christmas gift for @madame-mongoose !!! ✨
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dbphantom · 2 years ago
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Man you know I'm fucking stressed when I start having sleep paralysis episodes again lmao
#Cruddy rambles#This time I saw a big ol demon kitty lounging on the chair in my room and heard someone banging on my bedroom door and turning the knob#The worst part of these is when I try to talk and I physically cannot even get a sound out#I always wondered. What it sounded like to other people#Because to me in the half asleep state I am screaming with a closed mouth and all that's coming out is like. Those whisper yells.#But I imagine it's making next to no noise at all. Which sucks bc like. I'd at least LIKE help if it were possible#Not that I want to just start screaming randomly in the middle of the night. But being able to call 4 help would be nice.#Sigh...#Anyway. Yeah. That was a great experience 10/10 do not recommend#It's funny how I had 1 (one) sleep paralysis experience at college. And now that I'm home I'm having them on the reg again#Funny how that works. I'm sure it's unrelated.#They're not even that scary bc Im half asleep for them. they're just panic inducing bc they're loud and I can't move and I hate it#SO loud. It's always lots of banging. One time I heard my Grammy laughing from that same chair while something huge and with many limbs#Banged all across my closet doors from every direction. Fuckin rude#I've also only ever had 1 physical hallucination and it was the college one#A demon walked into my dorm room while my friends slept in the common room (initially I thought it was one of them coming in to wake me up)#And walked over to the side of the bed and stood there and stared at me until it started shaking the bed violently and laughing#And I just kinda rolled over and fell back asleep despite the shaking and laughing bc like. What u gonna do#I have to emphasize that you're barely conscious during these which is why ur brain hallucinates in the first place#So literally ur only action is to force yourself to wake up but deal with the horrors (like I did tonight) or just. Fall back asleep#Which is my usual option but I couldn't fall back asleep bc I'm hungry#I'm gonna go tho. I'm tired af and I wanna try to sleep some more b4 I have to get up today#I just came here to calm down bc talking calms me down and well. I can post here without bothering anyone with dumb messages.#So I'm go back to sleep now#Goog nite
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gayferrari · 2 months ago
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i agree with everything you said about max and rbr under the last ask, i’m a fan of max sometimes, but it makes me roll my eyes when i see posts about how he deserves sm better than his team and that he’s the only one putting in the hard work 🥺🥺🥺. like why are you acting like he hasn’t had the best car on the grid for like 2 years until now, with the same team and strategists that helped produce all his wins.
Thank you for supporting my #team rights agenda! I feel strongly like that about any narratives about drivers carrying the team especially when it's a team that can compete for podiums. It's just not how F1 works. If you have a team where A DRIVER can make that much of a difference, it would simply not be the kind of team that makes it out of Q1. Now if we stuck both Lewis and Max in the Saubers, maybe they'll finally score points there, and it would also be really fucking funny. But that's Sauber
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honeytonedhottie · 3 months ago
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how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:・✍🏽🎀
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learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.
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being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.
ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.
dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀
PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;
go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.
♡ have a spa day
♡ learn to cook a new dish
♡ read a book
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♡ have a journalling session
♡ schedule appointments for urself
♡ go on a long drive
SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
♡ u can be urself without filter
♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally
♡ ur in control of ur space and time
♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference
♡ its peaceful
BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;
treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀
dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence. 
COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;
everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.
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not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal
brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.
know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!
overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀
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malfoys-demigod · 3 months ago
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Hiiii. I LOVE ur underrated softie fic ❤️ I was wondering if u could do one kinda similar but it’s friends to lovers and he’s overprotective over little things? U don’t have to use this but I was thinking things like he doesn’t want u to burn ur hand on the stove or like u sneeze and he’s fretting over u and worried ur sick? And everyone can see he’s in love but reader is oblivious lol. Thank uuuu
Little Miss Oblivious
☆⋆。𖦹°‧★ Logan Howlett x Reader
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A/N: I hope you enjoy this!! I hope you find the fluff quite cute!
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· ·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· ·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
It was a privilege for some to have Logan Howlett as a friend. 
Inside his inner circle, he had quite the humor, he assured you he’d have your back, and among many other things, he always had the best things to say when you needed it. 
Some may call it more than a loyal friendship, but all you could see at the moment was that you and Logan were the closest of friends. Nothing more, nothing less. 
Of course you were oblivious to the fact that everyone knew he was truly, deeply, madly, in love with you and all you thought was that he was an annoying, overbearing best friend, who constantly treated you like a little child who can’t do things for herself. 
At first, there were the little things that you thought would slide, you know? But the more he did these little things constantly, the bigger they made you feel unqualified to even do anything at all for yourself!
Like two weeks ago. 
It was a Saturday morning. Well, almost the end of the morning. You overslept for the first time in a while as it was almost lunch time. You spent all Friday night till late, checking your students papers and preparing class discussions and topics for the rest of the next week ahead to give way to a restful weekend. 
Because you slept late, you were most likely to wake up late. Like really late. But as soon as 12:00 pm hit, Logan, who was around the whole X Mansion, knew you weren’t around yet. 
Had you eaten yet? Showered? Exercised? Anything at all? These were basic questions that Logan took seriously that one Saturday and wanted to make sure you weren’t, as silly as it sounded, dead or kidnapped! 
As you were heavily sleeping and unaware of how it was lunch time now, Logan now stood by your door, gently knocking it and calling your name. 
No response. 
“Y/N?” He asked again, putting an ear to the door. He listened to shallow snores, relieved to hear you were just sleeping. 
He slowly turned the doorknob around, quietly opening the door with another gentle knock to make his presence known. 
“Darling,” he said, “Did you eat this morning and fall back asleep?”
Upon hearing his voice, you, still with eyes closed, muttered a small no, which earned a huff of disappointment from Logan. 
“Come on, doll,” he said, now sitting by your bed, “I wanna make you some scrambled eggs and orange juice.” 
“M’kay” you groaned, sitting up and rubbing your eyes. You felt Logan’s hands on your wrists, trying to pull your hands away from your face. 
“Stop rubbing your eyes, you know you’re gonna get wrinkles the more you do that.”
”Shut up, Logan,” you groaned, “I just woke up. Please.”
Logan just laughed, and pulled you out of bed to get you on your feet. 
While you were heading towards the door, Logan moved in front of you, opening the door for you as you continued rubbing your eyes from the instant light of the hallway outside. 
Logan’s arm was hung around your shoulder as you slumped towards the kitchen out of sleepiness. You knew you were getting some stares from other students who passed by, seeing Logan cling onto you. Oblivious to the fact that they were thinking about how Logan was being boyfriend material again for the thousandth time, you assumed they thought you were wasted somehow, needing stability support from Logan. 
“You don’t need to walk so close to me, people might think I was drunk or something last night.” 
“Nah, nobody’s ever gonna think that of you, Y/N,” he replied, “Everyone knows you were being a goodie two shoes and probably checking your students’ papers.” He replied, still hanging his arm over you. 
When the both of you arrived at the kitchen, your hand was about to reach over for the stool until Logan quickly pulled it out for you already to sit down. 
You didn’t know if it was the ‘just woke up’ morning feelings you still had or the typical annoyance you had for when Logan treated you like a baby, but you looked at him with a deadpan look. 
“I had that one covered, Lo.”
Logan, already whisking the eggs in a bowl displayed a small smile on his face, “Yeah, me too.”
”Hey, lovebirds!” Storm announced her presence briefly. 
You shook your head in disapproval of that nickname, knowing very well that you and Logan were only best friends. It was a clear fact, right?!
Storm, just pouring herself a cup of coffee, checked up on what Logan was making and smiled at him with a pleased look on her face. “Wanna save some for me or these all for your girl over here?”
”Oh, Ororo, it’s cool, you can have some-“
”These last few eggs from the egg carton are for this child right here,” Logan interrupted you, “She didn’t have anything to eat yet.”
”Oookay,” Storm chuckled to herself. She wasn’t hungry anyways, just in the mood for some light bantering. “I’ve gotta meet Scott now anyways. Bye you two!”
You waved her goodbye as she made her way out. Leaving you and Logan back alone again. 
There was already a carton of orange juice and a glass in front of you, as if Logan had already prepared some stuff before waking you up. So you poured yourself a glass of your favorite breakfast drink and watched Logan cook your eggs. 
You knew your best friend was pretty good at cooking the simple stuff like scrambled eggs, he always made them for you. But you wanted to at least contribute to your own breakfast somehow. Sometimes it just didn’t feel right for Logan to do everything for you no matter how much he insisted. 
“Can I help cook?” You said, tip-toeing from the stool to see Logan’s progress. 
“Just stay there. Let me handle this.”
You pouted, still watching him from your tip-toe position, which he definitely caught without even having to look up from his cooking. “And sit down properly. You’re gonna make a fool outta yourself when you fall, bub.”
You scoffed, feeling like an absolute child. “Fuck off, Logan. I’m not a child.” 
“You sure look like one,” he replied now looking at you with a grin, “An adorable one.” 
Before you could even reply to what you thought was a friendly yet teasing comment from your best friend, he served you a plate of his best scrambled eggs. 
Just by the smell of it, you instantly felt so hungry, getting a spoon and fork and just going at it. 
“So delicious,” you murmured, indulging in lunch, or very late breakfast. 
Logan sat by the stool beside you, “Hey look over here,” he said in focus of your face. 
You turned to him with a confused look as he scanned your mouth. You weren’t sure what he was planning to do until he placed a finger over the corner of your mouth, softly dusting crumbs from there to your cheek while you were still chewing. 
“There we go,” he said, getting a raise of an eyebrow from you. 
“Seriously?” You said, being interrupted from eating. “I could’ve done that later on when I’m done eating.”
Your serious look changed with a surprised chuckle when Logan, who you’ve never seen in a million years do, just stuck his tongue out of ridicule. “Whatever, darl,” he replied, “If the professor sees you ravaging an entire plate of eggs like you’ve never eaten before, I’m not saving you from embarrassment.”
“Please, as if you can’t help yourself from saving me from something somehow.” You teased, making Logan look away from you to cover the pink spots that were growing on his cheeks. 
Now fast forward to today. 
You were invited to a girls night out with Jean and Ororo. But they already went ahead, or actually, on time since you stayed back for an hour or two, catching up with your work and checking your students’ papers. 
Logan had already disliked the idea of you catching up with the girls at a later time. He already offered to check the papers for you, despite not knowing anything about the topic you taught. He just hated to see you call a cab on your own. 
“You’re not really thinking about going out alone, are you?” He already asked you earlier. 
“Do you want me to come with you?” He prompted this time, with you shaking your head and assuming he’d follow you inside the bar like a lap dog and drop you off there. “I can at least drive you and I wouldn’t even have to step outta the car!” 
You looked up at the ceiling, expressing defeat, muttering, “Fine!” This of course made Logan happy and relieved, turning around to get, or in other words, steal one of Scott’s cars. 
The ride to the club was merely quiet as you were doing final touches with your makeup. Logan from time to time, would take glances at you, knowing how beautiful you were with and without the use of makeup. 
Once you arrived at the club, Logan took a good look at you and reminded you to call him if you needed a ride home so he could come back as soon as possible, and of course to be careful. 
Over the first hour at the club, you and the girls were starting it steady and still with easy going cocktails, talking about anything and everything. 
Storm, being like the older sister of the group, was hard to be persuaded into drinking a lot later on with you and Jean. But you told her that Logan was gonna pick you up and might as well be picking the two of them up with you as well, she caved in… with the idea of teasing you about you and your watchdog of a friend later on. 
“So when is Logan ever gonna call you his girlfriend!” Storm asked bluntly, after taking one cocktail in. She was definitely a lightweight with all her years of being a designated driver or sister/mom of the group. 
“What?” you replied with a question that carried a silly undertone. “Girlfriend? What the heck are you talking about?”
“Oh come on, Y/N. What can you say about all the little things he does for you? He’s practically babying you like you’re his world!” Jean explained, taking another sip from her drink. 
“I get that he does that, but it’s only a friendly and annoying thing he does to me. That’s it.. Right?” you trailed as you saw the smirks coming out of both Jean and Storm. 
“Oh honey,” Storm giggles, “He’s smitten for you! And you should reciprocate! You both would be the cutest couple in school, aside from Jean and Scott of course.”
You grinned to yourself as you took another sip of your favorite cocktail, pondering about the possibility of being more than friends with Logan. I mean, let’s be honest. He is ridiculously good looking, he tells the best jokes, and he’s never given you as much focus and affection towards you than anyone else. 
Before you could ponder further, Storm and Jean pulled you out from your seats, heading to the dance floor with shots for the three of you to take. Time flew fast as you were dancing the night away with the girls, taking a couple of more shots from time to time, giggling and twirling around like girls who never had the chance to party this hard. 
Unbeknown to you, Logan had been calling your phone a couple of times, making buzzing noises and vibrations on your phone, which you didn’t feel since it was inside your bag. You were busy going back to the bar to get a plate of more shots.
Once there was a plate of shots on your hand, you waved over to your girl friends who waved back in excitement. 
You were holding the plate with a good grip, walking towards the center of the dance floor where your friends were dancing. It was that final step toward your friends that instantly altered the course of your entire night. 
It all happened so fast when you took a slip onto the floor, banging your head. Somehow the shots didn’t fall on you, but that didn’t matter. Your head was throbbing with instant pain and your friends quickly asking you questions like if you were okay started sounding like mumbles. 
You slowly sat up, placing a hand on the back of your head, wincing at the pain. This time, you were able to feel a buzz coming from your bag and as you stood up with the help of your friends, you took the call. 
“Hello?” you murmured, “Who’s calling?”
“Me, idiot!” It was Logan. “I’ve been trying to reach you three times, why haven’t you been answering?” 
You rubbed your head, trying to ease the pain as there was another pain coming from the end of your phone, “Ugh, not now Logan, I think I’m about to have a migraine.”
There was a short pause on Logan’s end. If you were able to see him right about now, you could see his face turn into a look of deep distress. 
“What happened?” He said the question in the form of what it sounded to be a command. “Who’s ass do I have to kill?”
“Um, nobody?!” You said in discontent. Logan was becoming, or already was in overprotective mode. “I just took a bad fall right before you called and my head hurts and-”
“Are you drunk?” 
“God, no, Logan! Seriously? I wasn’t even finished yet-”
“I’m picking you all up now.” Logan said, sounding in a rush from the sound of the background. It sounded as if he already closed the door and was on his feet.
The phone call ended and the girls rushed you to sit down, with an ice pack on hand already, requested immediately while you were taking the call. 
It felt like only a few minutes of icing your head up when Logan bursted through the doors of the club, appearing in front of you. 
Once he got the story after asking how you were and how bad the fall was, Logan started calming down, turning back to his over caring mode. 
"I told you to be careful! See, this is why I don't want you going out without me!”
Jean and Storm shared understanding smiles as they witnessed Logan go all soft on you. 
“Oh shut up Logan, I just wanna go home,” was all you wanted to say for now. There wasn’t any place like home right now, just being in your pajamas and resting up in your bed. 
“Alright, bub,” he replied, getting a hold of you and clinging your arm around him. 
The ride back to the X Mansion was as quiet as it was going to the club earlier. You were resting your eyes and about to doze off in the front seat while Storm and Jean were looking out of their respective car windows in the back. Logan was just thinking about how he was gonna take care of you tonight and tomorrow while driving back home. 
He felt so guilty and awful for not being around you this evening and wished he was there to save you from that fall. Though at the same time, he was starting to grow tired of doing all these acts of love without you knowing he loved you. He always knew you saw him as a best friend and he was scared you’d only see him as that. 
While Jean and Storm went back to their respective bedrooms, Logan brought you over to yours and you were just ready to jump into bed until he scanned your head, holding you gently by the shoulders. 
“Does your head still hurt?”
“I’ll be okay,” you promised, rubbing the back of your head. 
“That isn’t what I asked, Y/N.”
You crossed your arms, getting a little annoyed with the mini interrogation. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, okay? It was just a slip, okay? It wasn’t like I fell off a cliff and somehow survived! Jesus, Logan, it’s like you’ve been treating me like a baby lately and I really can’t understand why! I’m a grown woman!”
“I was just trying to protect you!” he defended himself, placing his hands on your crossed arms. 
“Who gave you that right?!” 
Logan’s hands fell from your arms and found themselves in the pockets of his leather jacket. He shot you a fast heartsick look and started looking at the floor when he started confessing:
“I’ve learned that when you love someone, you protect them with your entire life at stake, and right now, my guts tell me to do the same.” 
“Somehow I thought that if I did all of this, it would finally click for you one day,” he continued, “But God, how blind can you be? I’m in love with you, Y/N.” 
Logan was met with your silence, still being able to process his raw confession, and thinking about what Storm and Jean had mentioned briefly at the bar, tying all of this together into reality. How oblivious and clueless were you really? You felt so ashamed of your snaps and unappreciated gestures now when it came to everything Logan did for you. 
Logan turned sideways, ready to face the door heading out of your bedroom, “Look,” he said, “Why don’t you freshen up and sleep tight, okay? Come back to me tomorrow when you figure things out.”
Logan turned around, facing your door, but out of a whirlwind, you swiftly grabbed him by the wrist to turn him around. His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could utter a word, you pulled him closer, your breath mingling with his. Without a moment's hesitation, you closed the gap, pressing your lips to his with an urgency that had been building for what felt like forever.
Logan's initial surprise melted away as he responded, his hands finding their way to your waist, pulling you even closer. The world outside disappeared, leaving just the two of you in that electric moment. His lips moved against yours with a mix of tenderness and fervor, as if every emotion he had kept bottled up was pouring out through that kiss.
Time seemed to slow, the intensity of the kiss deepening as you both let go of any reservations. His hands moved to cradle your face, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You could feel his heart racing against your chest, matching the frantic beat of your own.
When you finally pulled back, breathless, you both stayed close, foreheads touching as you caught your breath. His eyes searched yours, filled with the same longing and passion that had fueled the kiss, and you knew that everything had changed in that single, perfect moment.
"You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay." Logan teased with his worst lie ever. 
“Oh yeah? How about another then?” you proposed, wrapping your arms around him again. “I think you deserve it anyways.”
“Prove it, darling.”
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snooblydoot · 2 years ago
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My mom has been very alllmost suffocatingly affectionate towards me ever since my mental breakdown a week ago, i havent really reciprocated back i just kinda stand there like 🧍, cos she acts so loving one minute then extremely cruel, mean, abusive the other, where was this energy earlier in my life ?????
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bunnyrafe · 2 months ago
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𓊆ྀིWE NEED TO TALK !𓊇ྀི — when soft pogue!reader gets caught up, rafe decides it’s time for some discipline within their dynamic.
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♥︎ 𝓃otes: apologies if it bothers you that the first section is in one POV and the rest is in another, just wanted to experiment a bit / set the scene. hope everyone enjoys xoxo
content / warnings -> 18+, MDNI. 1.2k. taboo / toxic themes. father figure bf!rafe & soft pogue!reader AU. controlling behavior, use of daddy & dad, manhandling, impact play (spanking w/ a belt), crying, aftercare.
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rafe knows in his heart that his girl doesn't do things to upset him on purpose. at least that's what he would like to think.
he can't imagine her deliberately breaking rules, no matter how vicious her bratty streak may be. she's always been careful to not make him too upset, and is remorseful after the fact if she does manage to get under his skin or do something unsatisfactory. but sometimes, things can't be forgiven so easily.
it all started with a text. her phone vibrated on the bed and that cute, little ringtone she picked out echoed through the room, piquing rafe's interest. she's always given him access to her phone so today shouldn't be any different. he recognizes the name that’s displayed on her screen— a close friend. a fellow pogue.
u act like he's ur dad or smth don't let him control you like that
ugh stop it's not like that :(((
then what's the issue? ??? just sneak away while he's sleeping tonight lmfao
it stings a bit as he reads through the messages, because he knows these are things that normal people her age do. he knows that this is where their age difference becomes a problem even with the dynamic they’ve built…
i'll see what i can do
u better who gives af what that old kook thinks
at first, rafe really tries not to hold it against her. afterall they’re not her words. but as his mind wanders, and he reads over “i’ll see what i can do” time and time again, he wonders how many message threads like this she’s hidden from him and deleted. how many times she’s contemplated sneaking out as if he’d ever give her the opportunity to do such a thing.
he can’t help but start seeing red. he does everything in his power to keep her safe under his roof, only to receive things like this in return. she’ll always be a filthy pogue— he thinks to himself.
maybe he’ll just have to be more proactive when it comes to her.
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when you step out of your bath, you immediately wrap yourself up in your fluffiest robe. you pad into your shared bedroom and think about which lotion ‘n mist you want to put on for the day, clearly content now that you’re all soft and clean.
but instead of making your way to your vanity, you immediately stop in your tracks upon seeing rafe’s belt laying on your duvet. it’s a sign that you don’t take lightly. even more so when you hear his footsteps behind you.
he breathes in deep before opening his mouth to speak. the sound of his voice makes you jump despite how calm he is, “go sit down on the bed f’me, angel.”
your eyes are already burning with tears.
rafe stands in front on you as you gingerly take your seat on the edge of the bed, nervously folding your trembling hands in your lap. yet your gaze follows rafe’s own hands intently when he suddenly pulls your phone out of the pocket of his slacks and holds it up with a familiar text thread on your screen— fuck.
“i promise, daddy!” you’re wailing before you can think about what you’re saying, “i wasn’t gonna sneak out!”
rafe purses his lips and nods, locking eyes with you, “oh, i believe you— but y’thought about it, didn’t you?”
you fall quiet. bottom lip wobbling because you know there’s no way you can possibly escape whatever he has planned for you. you don’t put up a fight when rafe guides you to turn around, when they lay you down and he tells you to stay that way in a stern voice. he yanks on the tie of your robe while you're tummy down, stripping it off of you until you're shivering in the cool air of your bedroom.
bare and nervously anticipating his next move.
out of the corner of your eye, you see him pick up his belt. you’re sure he’s wrapping the leather around his fist, getting a good grip so there’s no doubt in either of your brains that the first crack on your plump ass won't hurt like hellfire.
you smell so sweet and cozy to rafe’s nose, like warm sugar cookies and milk. it almost makes him feel bad for what he's about to do to you. especially when he sees you holding your little fawn that’s been resting on the bed to your chest for dear life, wiping your tears with her artificial fur and sniffling into your stuffed friend. his breathing falters for a second but his hands flex and grip around the leather in his fist nonetheless—
“you know the drill, angel face. take your punishment like a good girl ‘n you’ll be fine— dad’ll take good care of you afterwards.”
5 swats on your ass that you're commanded to keep high in the air. that’s all it is— but that doesn’t mean you’re not in hysterics after each one. squirming and sobbing into your bedding as pain induced heat spreads over your entire body, shakily counting after each one. you’re not sure what’s worse. the biting pain itself or the dull ache it brings on between your thighs.
the number you babble out is always followed by an apology ("i'm so sorry, daddy) and a sniffle that tugs on rafe's heart strings. he's more relieved than you are when he drops the belt to the ground with a thud. by then you're delirious.
rafe’s finger tips graze your stinging cheeks, forcing a mewl out of you before he steps around the bed and sits next to your shaking form. he welcomes you into his arms and you’re quick to grab at him, yanking on the crisp cotton of his button up as you situate yourself in his lap with a sore bum.
“wasn’t so bad, was it?” he whispers against your hairline, but you’re still too stunned to say anything in return—
“y’know, baby— i don’t like hurting you, not one bit, but i can’t have you— fuckin’ talking behind my back like that… especially not to your lil’ pogue friends,” he rubs your sides as speaks, “don’t you respect your daddy?”
“i know.” you whisper into his chest, “i promise i respect you, daddy— s’much… no more talking behind your back.”
“that’s my good girl.”
rafe gives you a fat kiss after that. he tucks his fingers under your chin and forces your pretty, little head to tilt towards him. his lips meet yours in such a needy but delicate way, it makes your head spin as you feel loved but understood in the most fucked up of ways— “my best girl,” he whispers into your pouty mouth while you try to chase after him for more smooches.
he pats your thigh, then his hand travels upwards to rub over the skin of your ass that’s hot to the touch. you wince at the contact.
“stay here f’me,” rafe says, and you’re nodding like a loyal puppy before he even explains himself, “gonna get your lotion and some water for you.”
you’re a little reluctant to let him leave, holding onto his larger hand until he swears he’ll be quick— yet you find yourself smiling as he walks away, head fully in the clouds. nothing about any of this is conventional. you never admitted it was… but maybe you’re finally at peace with the fact that no one else has to understand what happens between the two of you. not even your friends.
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