#is that u will always wonder when people are gonna do that to u
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
woooshworldtwo · 2 days ago
Text
AT A LOSS
Tumblr media
TAGS: WIFE!READER [Originally just mentioned once in dialogue but otherwise just spouse is used when describing said relationship between characters], Husband!Caracalla x Reader x Unrequited!Geta, Mentions of sex, Brief mentions of slavery [gladiators in the Colosseum], Brief mentions of animal cruelty [animals participating in the Colosseum], Historical inaccuracies, I'm not sure what else.
FIRST NOTE: I think I wanted to try accentuating the care he wants to give reader and therefore ends up treating those around him as what he sees them as- disposable and like shit. Geta is a TERRIBLE man so I guess I just wanted him to be pining for someone he knows is out of reach. I was gonna make it a series to like Caracalla x partner reader x unrequited Geta. if this is the first chapter, ngl idk where to trail off from there. i kind of write while im smoking just to fuck around so maybe i could write at least five-ish chapters if i think of a good enough plot. WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK?? who knows i could even do the same with Caracalla, it could make sense cause he literally kills his brother in the movie
SECOND NOTE: pov ur me, high off like five tokes and u watch Gladiator 2 the day it comes out on Paramount+. BOOM, obsessed, love it, don't even care about the historical inaccuracies. For some reason, as someone as not all there like Caracalla is, having that deep relationship with his brother, once he notices that lil interest Geta has, or even just the doubts of others finally becoming to a point where my guy has to LOCK IN to keep his partner w him. not cause they don't love them, I think it would be cause he loves THEM too much. I'm talking bristling at the notion whenever he thinks of them together. JUST UNSPOKEN TENSION. do u guys enjoy that?
THIRD NOTE: unfortunately, i have more to talk about but no one to say it to so ur my audience. yelling into the mic i ask, do you guys think I should write porn of Caracalla and reader FUCKING?? idk if it would even include Geta- IT COULD, WHATEVER YOU GUYS WANT. I sort of just wanted to explore writing intimacy as an actual action instead described as thoughts. leave ur thoughts on what u guys think on that too bc im literally so curious.
PLEASE DON'T COPY MY WORK, I BET YOU
Tumblr media
Summer in your lungs, and alcohol swimming in your stomach; Caracalla wonders if he's seen beauty such as yours. Never alone in the hours of the night, the lovers he takes soon notice how harder he is to satisfy, to sedate into a warm puddle wrapped in expensive sheets- instead becoming unflinching to the pleasures that usually melt his tortured mind.
Intense with his emotions, he swears this affection was there from first glance. Taken sight of you at in your hazy glory; the clothes accentuating the shade of your skin, the warmth of your eyes, it only takes months before you two wed.
From there, days are blissful. Misery always follows, but he finds with your company at his side, falling into the episodes of madness are rarer and rarer.
Perhaps it's the sweetness of your soul mending what his lacks, or having the closeness of your body distances the pestering thoughts appearing out of thin air. No matter what is it, with his claws dug into your being- he refuses to let go.
Dimmed by what other's consider insanity, it's difficult not to see Caracalla's growing lucidness. Coming face to face with it, Geta realizes any foes and enemies of Rome has never been as close as his brother has to the inner workings of his mind.
Divided by grace, the affection for you has been its limit. As the eldest, Caracalla bears the pitying glances from other's in the palace; to have the responsibilities laid on Geta is blasphemy, but who else can handle its weight when his mind is in two?
Who else to lessen its everlasting ache if not you? For that reason, such as many others, is why he cannot risk this becoming what he has grown familiar with- sharing with his brother.
Holding the same curiosity he did in the faint moments of childhood, his Adam's Apple bobs faintly- and when you look to follow its movements before returning your gaze to him: a faint shiver is felt and repressed in that same breath. "Caracalla?"
Asking in a murmur, he knows what you're referring to. Living with you these past handful of months, he can recall the number of times you've cut each conversation he's thought out into nothing more than small talk. In one worded questions, he cannot help but admire the relaxed sight of you.
So much so, he allows you to each time. Tossing the unspoken plans of connection for small talk, he nods. A hint of a smile is seen, and alone from that, you beam back at him.
Genuine like the sun, to continue seeing it, it makes it easy for him to keep spew out half thought words in hopes something he says would land. "He will arrive shortly, do not worry.", it ends with your name, echoing from his mouth, and although the God's have given him the same glory they themselves hold at their fingertips; nothing has sounded as holy.
Bounded by faith, the prayers he spills are ingrained in the folds of his brain, but once consumed in these times of power, he wonders if he should dare step closer to the soul he swears should beat for him.
"... Geta?", Unknowing for how much time has past, the beaming smile you once held is melted into a small frown. Quietly urging him to the present like he's seen you do with his brother, there's a warmth blooming in the hallow part of his chest.
Cherishing the brief concern, it only seems to remind him what Caracalla has naturally and what he takes the scraps of.
Still leaned back into the expensive marble, the wall itself is a pale enough color to forget about, instead focusing on the features he, too, fantasizes of in passing moments alone.
"Where did you go?", Too familiar with speaking to the other emperor, the question is thoughtless when spoken, yet its weight is felt nonetheless. "Nowhere. Just here.. Are you enjoying yourself?", Taking a pause, he eventually speaks again. It's done when walking to the the throne nearing Caracalla's; the one you sit in.
"Quite the spectacle.", Your eyes peer down at the sight below; bloodshed in the Colosseum's sand doesn't make your stomach twist like it once did, however when watching captured men swing weapons- and seeing another one fall, you look to him again.
Sitting at his own throne, you find his eyes already on you; a quirk upturning on his lips to show the pleased buzz your words give him. Gladiators from conquered lands, their purpose in Rome is to win their survival and amuse any passing visitors. Yet in the past year or so, since your arrival, he's found a deeper sense of pride at their display.
Growing passed the Senator's praise, passed continuing his parents past teachings, he has found serenity in the amazement you hold so clearly.
Seeing your wonder at the captured animals; their stature towering over the sand's flat ground, using its strength to trample over any competitors- he finds himself chasing the occasional bursts of attention he manages to keep with in your magenta sunlight.
Never promising loyalty to anyone; he chases it when you're unable to give it, the mess of concubines and courtesans who he cannot remember the names nor the faces of, only remembering their similarities to you- their purpose has been asked for more as of late, and neglected all the same soon after.
No matter if it was seeing a person with hair similar to yours, a familiar sounding voice, even just dressed in clothing resembling your own; they were sought out after in hopes of finding you in them.
He finds it only lasts briefly.
Of course sex is endless, at the call of his voice and at the stop of a groan; services are there to satisfy whatever craving he has. But after each round of breathlessness, he finds that hunger for what is missing growing into something insatiable.
Hours spent, feeling their bodies, picturing what your own must look like underneath the white moonlight casting into his bedchambers. Each thrust is heavy with yearning he cannot mend, moaning for warmth he cannot have; he damns Caracalla in those times for finding you first before he did.
Perhaps then would you be his spouse. To bed you the same way his brother does would be true nirvana, to hear those same whimpers he knows you're able to make, to feel you shiver and tighten around him the same way those people do; it's what he longs for.
He's certain then he'd be more than just rough, chasing whatever high is made in a blurry of orgasms- it becomes difficult to differentiate who is with him and who is imagined; not when his eyes are shut and your image is all he sees in its darkness. Tenderness is taught, and if his brother was able to learn to extend that same to you; there is no doubt he'd do the same.
"Are you enjoying it?", Turning your focus back onto Geta, his answer is a hum. The sound is husky from passing thoughts, and strain for what should be hidden; he takes a moment to gather his words.
"I always favor your company, the spectacle is merely entertainment.", Repeating what you said only minutes ago, the unexpressed emotions behind it is registered in your mind- and although brushed off originally, that denial you have becomes harder to not believe Geta's feelings becoming more noticeable in the time spent at his brother's side.
"The ambience of cheering Roman's, animals in pain, and dying men; no wonder we have such lively conversations in these times.", Another quality of yours he finds endearing is your dryness. The harshness soaked into your veins from being raised by your family has not changed you the way it has him he notices; viewing the cruelties of Rome in whatever light you could shed, he once again almost smiles, a quirk of his lips turning upwards showing.
"Complaining to the emperor for the privileges he's given you? What an ungrateful wife you are.", Breaking out into a smile, what is said is anything but malicious. Leaving Caracalla unmentioned; unsaid, his mind is soothed from its ache, mending itself when remembering it's just you and him- hidden away.
Alone in a place where he can pretend you two are more than in-laws, there's a warm stirring at the sound of your laughter. Filled with humor you express so freely, it reminds him of conversations with your father throughout the years; his stories of your youth.
Defiant in ways he wishes he'd seen, and mischievous in ways he knows you still are; the only changes is now you're not tangible. Yet, lost in affections like he never got to be as a boy, he doesn't mind who he's face to face with now. Not in the slightest.
"Forgive my insolence, emperor; I plead for it.", Clearly you speak to Caracalla too much because the shiver trailing up his spine goes directly into that heated feeling in his abdomen. Aware you're unknowing to the effect you have, it only worsens at the hint of playfulness heard.
"Oh, you're forgiven. The God's have extended their mercy onto you today, but be wry, they could change their mind.", Unwilling to give into the arousal brewing, the tension he's created in his body, he replies with a smile- one that lingers too long.
Mischief isn't needed to be noticed in the palace, not with the two emperor's having their souls intertwining themselves with your own- no longer being unheard by those around you, that streak remains. It brings an amusement greater than bloodshed to Geta, and even more so to Caracalla. Smoothness of your words he swears is coated with the sweetest of wines; it disarms what would be seen as scrutiny as nothing more than a jest.
With humor being forgotten in such trying times; outside of what the Colosseum offers, and outside of the different celebrations of another conquered land- Geta finds your spirit is lightening to what is constantly dampening in his.
Shouts of Roman's are heard, like you predicted, and another man falls. However, with neither of you truly paying attention to the sight; their deaths were not offered the same graciousness you're given so carelessly, so frivolously: and when one of the last remaining takes their bow to surrender- only then do you look away.
To see your eyes of amusement grow into something unreadable, his own smile dims into a frown.
Standing from the throne, his hands rest on the Bisellium's railing, he grips onto it tightly when seeing below. Blood stains the sand as always; the deceased laid out over it in the afternoon heat, and the two lone man kneel. Meters away from one another, your eyes flicker between them, and soon Geta speaks up again.
Mercy is yelled in the air, and when he asks you, his voice is quieter than intended, "Shall we show mercy?"
Sparking what was lost, you nod, and another smile is seen, "Mercy."
Prayers do not solve what is inevitable, he finds, not when the God's blood soars through his body. The threat of rebellion, and the stings of betrayal, that mask that hides it all becomes wavering whenever he's with you; wishing to you like he did as a child to the God's for power, to worship you in ways he only should deities- it almost feels blasphemous.
Even more so now, when you don't understand the importance behind what he says; the grace he offers, the laughs he lets slip out- it is only the beginning of what he could promise you.
Tumblr media
FOURTH NOTE: Now that you've made it this far, I wanna like drift away from what I was writing on my old account. it was just small paragraphs, but writing on a laptop just HITS DIFFERNT- literal hours spent doing this shit. I don't rlly wanna take requests bc i feel like my time is just too hectic for that, BUT I WOULD LOVE to hear your guys thoughts!! Okay, small series on these characters- Quinn Mossbacher, Simon Kalivoda, Ethan Russell, DIMITRI KRAVIOFF, DANIEL MARKOWITZ, JASON HOCHBERG, and finally our beloved; Caracalla. bad part is I haven't most of the movies they're in, so i don't want it to be inaccurate.
FIFTH NOTE: currently i'm writing a Johnny Storm fic series inspired by the new Fantastic Four trailer (writing the third chapter of what could be a five or even eight part series if I get to understand that franchise better), an Eddie Muson fic mainly just to fuck around and post that old one I never got a chance to. also an Adrian Chase fic i found on my laptop, another one for Koby from the one piece live action (I was inspired when the show first came out), and joe goldberg
FINAL NOTE: I've wanted to get into watching Yellowjackets. LOVE THE SHOW. Another thing I wanted to ask bc when I write for women characters, i like to write them as WLW. SO would you guys like it if i also wrote for Iris (Companion), SISTER BARNES (Heretic), Jinx (Arcane), Lucy Maclean (Fallout), Rhiannon Lewis (Sweetpea)?? one day if i sell out and get a membership to Prime or those silly addons; I WILL.
45 notes · View notes
look-at-the-stars-tonight · 2 years ago
Text
it is ok to ask for help. people are not going to hate me for asking for help
#i just. hm.#i know me and the other dude are in different situations#where we've been telling him to get therapy for months#and he just. doesn't#and then he puts all his problems on us and complains about it#and im trying. im trying so so so fucking hard#and i know she sees me trying and knows i want to Get OUT and not wallow in my misery#and i will get out. im incredibly stubborn#but also the thing about being friends with people and then turning on them#is that u will always wonder when people are gonna do that to u#but also he SUCKS and i shouldn't compare us#like multiple people have told me to not compare myself to him because we're very different people#im Useful and i Contribute to friendships. it's Ok for me to ask for help sometimes#but also she helps me SO much#but also she Offered for both the swimming and cleaning#and if she minds i think she'd tell me??#the thing that bothers me about this dynamic is that we will spend literal hours yelling at each other and arguing at work#(because she's Wrong about basic thermodynamics and refuses to fucking admit it).#like to the point where people used to come up to me afterwards and ask if i was good and we'd have to be like 'no we don't hate each other'#'this is just how we talk'#and that's fine that's familiar and comfortable and i don't mind it at all#and when i actually need help (outside of work) she doesn't make fun of me At All and is super super encouraging even when i suck ass#yes im complaining about someone being nice to me.#i just don't want her to get tired of me#and if she's seeing me every single day of the week i feel like she'll get tired of me#cause im So much#but also she's a lot! and i don't mind so#i should just communicate. i should just be like 'hi remember that bitch ass boy he really fucked me up in terms of how i view hanging out'#'and im feeling insecure'#she constantly tells me to communicate
1 note · View note
luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
146 notes · View notes
starlooove · 2 months ago
Text
ppl only pretend to care about Duke Thomas and read more than wfa online. Ppl irl who know his name prolly care about him. No I’m not coping with the fact that I’m WATCHING the breaking down and setting to the side of a potential if not already major black character not just in dc but in the batfam specifically AGAIN
#For everyone else I had to play catch up for Duke I’m literally watching it happen#and sometimes I wonder were there diehard Orpheus or fox fam Stans#did another black fans roll their eyes at tams portrayal in RR#did another black fans stomach sink when they saw a white fan favorite take a black characters job and realize what was gonna happen#did they not bother investing in Tiff or onyx bc they knew#bc we either get Jezebel jets or Bea Bennetts and nobody cares about either#are there ppl who don’t care at all bc they’re still holding out for cyborg and icon#sorry I’m sad#but whats that quote about white ppl who see racism as victims with no perpetrators#it’s never them or anyone they know and if you insinuate that maybe they’re not fair or maybe they perpetuate smth#suddenly ur wrong and attacking them and they’ve always liked this character look#u can scroll through the tag and see some fanart and Maybe an ooc hc in a sea of incorrect quotes#but that’s enough for other white people so ur wrong#and it’s not even make content I want right#it’s like. if ur gonna put all ur focus onto where men and pretend it’s revolutionary whatever#why are we taking traits and storylines from black characters to do so#Why are we Including black characters and TAGGING them as viewers to white foolishness#like i wouldn’t care if I didn’t have to see it every time I scrolled through the Duke tag#imagine being able to block a tag you didn’t wanna see and NEVER seeing it bc ppl know how to tag#imagine filtering Duke Thomas centric and not getting a fic where he realizes his job is to take care of dick or tim#sick behavior
9 notes · View notes
deus-ex-mona · 2 months ago
Text
youtube
merry crisis guys!!!!
#‘it isnt christmas yet’ ‘it has been christmas for h o u r s ur late’ sshhhh my timezone is law ok~~~#cheers to the last week of the year~~~~~~~~~#sometimes i forget that it’s supposed to be a christian holiday though… i remember going to church for the ‘mas exactly once#it was boring :( i didnt even get the little bread biscuit thing :( i’ve always wanted to try it tbh#only bc it sounds crisp when people bite into it. i wonder if it has the same texture as like potato chips or sth#or like those ‘toasted bread chips’ that occasionally pop up in the stores… i like the cheese bread variations#or maybe it’s crisp at first bite then turns soggy (like those potato wheel crackers) m a n. do i hate those potato crackers.#they’re all salt; no substance. the dried and fried onion crackers are 100000000 times better#ngl i had no idea what those onion crackers were called for. like. 90% of my life so i called them ‘suntanned keropok’#only bc my mother used to dry them out under the sun on bright days (or in the toaster when she got lazy) before frying them#since frying them straight away without drying made them super hard instead of light and crispy..#man i kinda want onion crackers now… the slightly over-browned ones were the best~~~~~#anyways!!!! free holiday!!!!!!! no work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’ll try to get ch36 of idol sengen up later~~~~~~~ i was gonna do part of it earlier but then i took 3 hours to finish my dinner sobs#not making any concrete promises though~~~~~~~~ all i want for crisisssss is asunaaaaaaaa#(asuna and… onion crackers… that is… aha~~~~ keropok bawang loml…)
3 notes · View notes
britneyshakespeare · 1 year ago
Text
I don't know who needs to hear this but the Black Parade isn't even a tad bit overrated
8 notes · View notes
pleasedontcareaboutme · 4 months ago
Text
i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Tumblr media
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
4 notes · View notes
villainsidestep · 10 months ago
Text
oh survivor!fawn we are really in it now
#gideon shut the hell up challenge#people keep saying they’re sorry for your loss. Your Loss. that is how they refer to your brothers. how they refer to you.#you have always been one of three. part of the pack. and that has always been fine but now you are alone and you are not You but your loss.#julia says sorry for your loss. ricardo says sorry for your loss. you yell that it should be their loss too. it is everyone’s loss.#they have lost your brothers and now they have lost you too. (fate works in funny ways you think)#at the funeral people offer apologies. offer you flowers. offer you baked goods and stories of how [your loss] saved them or their mom or#their dad’s uncle’s wife’s coworker’s daughter’s friend from childhood or someone else equally unimportant. someone alive.#[I’m sorry for your loss] they all say and you do not say thank you. there is no being thankful for [your loss].#[I’m sorry] says ricardo. you stop listening. [I’m sorry] says julia. you wonder if she said it to the man she punched.#you do not apologize back. you do not let it be [their loss]. it is yours. they have always been yours.#[I’m sorry] says chen . for river and cyrus. the first to use their names with you. to acknowledge them as your brothers. to make them more#than just the pieces of you that have been broken. and you thank him.#we like writing in tags sorry !!!! also at some point the original idea was that any parts of ‘I’m sorry for your loss’#would start distorting and then get blacked out to show like. when u hear smth so much and esp w grief that u just block it out#anyway. survivor!fawn but still factoring in that chen is not afraid to just. Say Things.#esp in v3 I think the ortegas would be even more cautious w fawn out of wanting to not upset them and meanwhile chen is like yeah I’m gonna#just straight up acknowledge ur brothers for u bc I can tell that’s what u need#we are also thinking abt v3!au and fawn being heartbreak but. that’s not for this post obvs#verse: you are the survivor; you carry the guilt
6 notes · View notes
agayconcept · 7 months ago
Text
.
#when im extra depressed i watch old yt compilations#this week is critical role moments#and ugh. Ugh#i always forget how mf touch-starved and affection-starved i am until i watch those 8 interact w each other#like. always touching. so much touching#i havent had a cuddly / touchy friend in like 6+ years and i am Suffering for it#like as much as w any other people im v touch-averse and dont want that at all#when it comes to friends i am extremely pro touch and genuinely love being affectionate#and i Can't#and sometimes that sucks ngl#no shade to my friends who aren't comf w that obviously#that's 100% gr8 and i would never push or wanna make them uncomf lots of ppl dont like that#i just. used to always have at least 1 friend who /was/ okay with it that i could be as cuddly as i wanted with#and now i dont and it ??? is getting to a point where it is almost painful#like str8 up i've had to talk to my therapist abt this the last 6 months bc its becoming a bit dire#hugs r wonderful dont get me wrong but thats the max amount of touch for my ok-with-touch friends#and the rest r no-touch#whereas im sitting here like 😭😭😭 PLS I JUST WANNA HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND#OR LEAN MY HEAD ON SOMEONE'S SHOULDER OR HAVE AN ARM AROUND A WAIST OR A HEAD IN A LAP#OR STR8 UP SNUGGLIN ON A COUCH#I DESPERATELY NEED IT#ANY OF IT IT DOESNT NEED TO BE ALL OF THAT#I FEEL LIKE I AM SHRIVELLING UP LIKE A SENTIENT RAISIN INSIDE#JUST HAVIN ALL THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF ME THRU LACK OF TOUCH#I WANT SOMEONE TO RUFFLE MY HAIR OR PAT MY ARM OR KISS MY CHEEK#HELL I'LL TAKE A HAND ON MY BACK PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STOPPING ME FROM WALKING INTO TRAFFIC#WHICH AT THIS POINT I AM TEMPTED TO DO DUE TO EMOTIONAL DISTRESS LMAO (DEVASTATED LAUGHTER)#aiyaiyai and i cant even just go and Make New Friends bc most spaces to do that arent accessible or safe for me#the only friends i've made in the last few years r thru Mutual Autism Vibes~ and they're all anti-touch#WHERE R THE OTHER TOUCH-STARVED CUDDLY AUTISTICS AT ??? WHERE R U ??? COME FIND ME PLS I BEG !!! i feel like im gonna die fr
4 notes · View notes
whereisthedamndaddymanual · 3 months ago
Text
And there you go. There's a leek is bee's
Tumblr media
I love this latent implication that a bee derives a life directing joy from the passive production of honey
#gonna have to assume I have always had access to both sides or alll sides or however you feeling like labeling#when I put things in perspective you are a good girlfriend who has been with me the entire time in this life#I actually said out loud yeah I was hanging out with two dudes online but no it was just one you#one fateful day she throws me here take this picture when we were just two foola peeking through wondows#and sometimes I would wonder if you were in the dark watching my window through yours#it is so hard to come to terms you were fully aware of my thoughts on things the entire time#but I gave them to you long before and after ao it makes sense#presence#we had plenty of those for each other all fall that's for surely#it is quite a rudimentary alphabet occult in the deathly hallows#I like this because it is my favorite story if all time#people are like itsya kids book kinda and U was like I don't give a fuuuuuuck#to a cuban: yeah I am going to a book party have you ever tried reading#sure show me the dotted line#I have a son I don't really care#like new bikes but can't throw me a few hundred ok#god...go do that on my own fuck thT#I talked to the mexicans did the fucking job and went home#Isauro: a girl mentions Wranglers (I didn't hire them....dumb Hector is) Isauro goes and asks her for sex but he is willing to pay her#only in Florida can you go into a swamp and listen to the Mexicans and their ways#Mayans? Builders? sure I've worked with and for them all amd none of them#e wallet#she told me she gave me her wallet at mons....she didn't even have a place to carry cigarettes and a lighter#just kidding you knew I was holding#what if I would have been like hey nah I don't have any cigs#yeah right a amoking show from you too#me: yeah yeah here you go me: 👁️👁️#I wanted to put my arm around you being in that state of dress in this place
1K notes · View notes
truthundressing · 1 month ago
Text
actually it really is all about the queer ppl u meet in rural places...
0 notes
honeytonedhottie · 6 months ago
Text
how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:・✍🏽🎀
Tumblr media
learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.
ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.
dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀
PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;
go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.
♡ have a spa day
♡ learn to cook a new dish
♡ read a book
Tumblr media Tumblr media
♡ have a journalling session
♡ schedule appointments for urself
♡ go on a long drive
SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
♡ u can be urself without filter
♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally
♡ ur in control of ur space and time
♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference
♡ its peaceful
BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;
treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀
dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence. 
COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;
everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal
brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.
know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!
overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀
2K notes · View notes
malfoys-demigod · 6 months ago
Note
Hiiii. I LOVE ur underrated softie fic ❤️ I was wondering if u could do one kinda similar but it’s friends to lovers and he’s overprotective over little things? U don’t have to use this but I was thinking things like he doesn’t want u to burn ur hand on the stove or like u sneeze and he’s fretting over u and worried ur sick? And everyone can see he’s in love but reader is oblivious lol. Thank uuuu
Little Miss Oblivious
☆⋆。𖦹°‧★ Logan Howlett x Reader
Tumblr media
A/N: I hope you enjoy this!! I hope you find the fluff quite cute!
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· ·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:· ·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
It was a privilege for some to have Logan Howlett as a friend. 
Inside his inner circle, he had quite the humor, he assured you he’d have your back, and among many other things, he always had the best things to say when you needed it. 
Some may call it more than a loyal friendship, but all you could see at the moment was that you and Logan were the closest of friends. Nothing more, nothing less. 
Of course you were oblivious to the fact that everyone knew he was truly, deeply, madly, in love with you and all you thought was that he was an annoying, overbearing best friend, who constantly treated you like a little child who can’t do things for herself. 
At first, there were the little things that you thought would slide, you know? But the more he did these little things constantly, the bigger they made you feel unqualified to even do anything at all for yourself!
Like two weeks ago. 
It was a Saturday morning. Well, almost the end of the morning. You overslept for the first time in a while as it was almost lunch time. You spent all Friday night till late, checking your students papers and preparing class discussions and topics for the rest of the next week ahead to give way to a restful weekend. 
Because you slept late, you were most likely to wake up late. Like really late. But as soon as 12:00 pm hit, Logan, who was around the whole X Mansion, knew you weren’t around yet. 
Had you eaten yet? Showered? Exercised? Anything at all? These were basic questions that Logan took seriously that one Saturday and wanted to make sure you weren’t, as silly as it sounded, dead or kidnapped! 
As you were heavily sleeping and unaware of how it was lunch time now, Logan now stood by your door, gently knocking it and calling your name. 
No response. 
“Y/N?” He asked again, putting an ear to the door. He listened to shallow snores, relieved to hear you were just sleeping. 
He slowly turned the doorknob around, quietly opening the door with another gentle knock to make his presence known. 
“Darling,” he said, “Did you eat this morning and fall back asleep?”
Upon hearing his voice, you, still with eyes closed, muttered a small no, which earned a huff of disappointment from Logan. 
“Come on, doll,” he said, now sitting by your bed, “I wanna make you some scrambled eggs and orange juice.” 
“M’kay” you groaned, sitting up and rubbing your eyes. You felt Logan’s hands on your wrists, trying to pull your hands away from your face. 
“Stop rubbing your eyes, you know you’re gonna get wrinkles the more you do that.”
”Shut up, Logan,” you groaned, “I just woke up. Please.”
Logan just laughed, and pulled you out of bed to get you on your feet. 
While you were heading towards the door, Logan moved in front of you, opening the door for you as you continued rubbing your eyes from the instant light of the hallway outside. 
Logan’s arm was hung around your shoulder as you slumped towards the kitchen out of sleepiness. You knew you were getting some stares from other students who passed by, seeing Logan cling onto you. Oblivious to the fact that they were thinking about how Logan was being boyfriend material again for the thousandth time, you assumed they thought you were wasted somehow, needing stability support from Logan. 
“You don’t need to walk so close to me, people might think I was drunk or something last night.” 
“Nah, nobody’s ever gonna think that of you, Y/N,” he replied, “Everyone knows you were being a goodie two shoes and probably checking your students’ papers.” He replied, still hanging his arm over you. 
When the both of you arrived at the kitchen, your hand was about to reach over for the stool until Logan quickly pulled it out for you already to sit down. 
You didn’t know if it was the ‘just woke up’ morning feelings you still had or the typical annoyance you had for when Logan treated you like a baby, but you looked at him with a deadpan look. 
“I had that one covered, Lo.”
Logan, already whisking the eggs in a bowl displayed a small smile on his face, “Yeah, me too.”
”Hey, lovebirds!” Storm announced her presence briefly. 
You shook your head in disapproval of that nickname, knowing very well that you and Logan were only best friends. It was a clear fact, right?!
Storm, just pouring herself a cup of coffee, checked up on what Logan was making and smiled at him with a pleased look on her face. “Wanna save some for me or these all for your girl over here?”
”Oh, Ororo, it’s cool, you can have some-“
”These last few eggs from the egg carton are for this child right here,” Logan interrupted you, “She didn’t have anything to eat yet.”
”Oookay,” Storm chuckled to herself. She wasn’t hungry anyways, just in the mood for some light bantering. “I’ve gotta meet Scott now anyways. Bye you two!”
You waved her goodbye as she made her way out. Leaving you and Logan back alone again. 
There was already a carton of orange juice and a glass in front of you, as if Logan had already prepared some stuff before waking you up. So you poured yourself a glass of your favorite breakfast drink and watched Logan cook your eggs. 
You knew your best friend was pretty good at cooking the simple stuff like scrambled eggs, he always made them for you. But you wanted to at least contribute to your own breakfast somehow. Sometimes it just didn’t feel right for Logan to do everything for you no matter how much he insisted. 
“Can I help cook?” You said, tip-toeing from the stool to see Logan’s progress. 
“Just stay there. Let me handle this.”
You pouted, still watching him from your tip-toe position, which he definitely caught without even having to look up from his cooking. “And sit down properly. You’re gonna make a fool outta yourself when you fall, bub.”
You scoffed, feeling like an absolute child. “Fuck off, Logan. I’m not a child.” 
“You sure look like one,” he replied now looking at you with a grin, “An adorable one.” 
Before you could even reply to what you thought was a friendly yet teasing comment from your best friend, he served you a plate of his best scrambled eggs. 
Just by the smell of it, you instantly felt so hungry, getting a spoon and fork and just going at it. 
“So delicious,” you murmured, indulging in lunch, or very late breakfast. 
Logan sat by the stool beside you, “Hey look over here,” he said in focus of your face. 
You turned to him with a confused look as he scanned your mouth. You weren’t sure what he was planning to do until he placed a finger over the corner of your mouth, softly dusting crumbs from there to your cheek while you were still chewing. 
“There we go,” he said, getting a raise of an eyebrow from you. 
“Seriously?” You said, being interrupted from eating. “I could’ve done that later on when I’m done eating.”
Your serious look changed with a surprised chuckle when Logan, who you’ve never seen in a million years do, just stuck his tongue out of ridicule. “Whatever, darl,” he replied, “If the professor sees you ravaging an entire plate of eggs like you’ve never eaten before, I’m not saving you from embarrassment.”
“Please, as if you can’t help yourself from saving me from something somehow.” You teased, making Logan look away from you to cover the pink spots that were growing on his cheeks. 
Now fast forward to today. 
You were invited to a girls night out with Jean and Ororo. But they already went ahead, or actually, on time since you stayed back for an hour or two, catching up with your work and checking your students’ papers. 
Logan had already disliked the idea of you catching up with the girls at a later time. He already offered to check the papers for you, despite not knowing anything about the topic you taught. He just hated to see you call a cab on your own. 
“You’re not really thinking about going out alone, are you?” He already asked you earlier. 
“Do you want me to come with you?” He prompted this time, with you shaking your head and assuming he’d follow you inside the bar like a lap dog and drop you off there. “I can at least drive you and I wouldn’t even have to step outta the car!” 
You looked up at the ceiling, expressing defeat, muttering, “Fine!” This of course made Logan happy and relieved, turning around to get, or in other words, steal one of Scott’s cars. 
The ride to the club was merely quiet as you were doing final touches with your makeup. Logan from time to time, would take glances at you, knowing how beautiful you were with and without the use of makeup. 
Once you arrived at the club, Logan took a good look at you and reminded you to call him if you needed a ride home so he could come back as soon as possible, and of course to be careful. 
Over the first hour at the club, you and the girls were starting it steady and still with easy going cocktails, talking about anything and everything. 
Storm, being like the older sister of the group, was hard to be persuaded into drinking a lot later on with you and Jean. But you told her that Logan was gonna pick you up and might as well be picking the two of them up with you as well, she caved in… with the idea of teasing you about you and your watchdog of a friend later on. 
“So when is Logan ever gonna call you his girlfriend!” Storm asked bluntly, after taking one cocktail in. She was definitely a lightweight with all her years of being a designated driver or sister/mom of the group. 
“What?” you replied with a question that carried a silly undertone. “Girlfriend? What the heck are you talking about?”
“Oh come on, Y/N. What can you say about all the little things he does for you? He’s practically babying you like you’re his world!” Jean explained, taking another sip from her drink. 
“I get that he does that, but it’s only a friendly and annoying thing he does to me. That’s it.. Right?” you trailed as you saw the smirks coming out of both Jean and Storm. 
“Oh honey,” Storm giggles, “He’s smitten for you! And you should reciprocate! You both would be the cutest couple in school, aside from Jean and Scott of course.”
You grinned to yourself as you took another sip of your favorite cocktail, pondering about the possibility of being more than friends with Logan. I mean, let’s be honest. He is ridiculously good looking, he tells the best jokes, and he’s never given you as much focus and affection towards you than anyone else. 
Before you could ponder further, Storm and Jean pulled you out from your seats, heading to the dance floor with shots for the three of you to take. Time flew fast as you were dancing the night away with the girls, taking a couple of more shots from time to time, giggling and twirling around like girls who never had the chance to party this hard. 
Unbeknown to you, Logan had been calling your phone a couple of times, making buzzing noises and vibrations on your phone, which you didn’t feel since it was inside your bag. You were busy going back to the bar to get a plate of more shots.
Once there was a plate of shots on your hand, you waved over to your girl friends who waved back in excitement. 
You were holding the plate with a good grip, walking towards the center of the dance floor where your friends were dancing. It was that final step toward your friends that instantly altered the course of your entire night. 
It all happened so fast when you took a slip onto the floor, banging your head. Somehow the shots didn’t fall on you, but that didn’t matter. Your head was throbbing with instant pain and your friends quickly asking you questions like if you were okay started sounding like mumbles. 
You slowly sat up, placing a hand on the back of your head, wincing at the pain. This time, you were able to feel a buzz coming from your bag and as you stood up with the help of your friends, you took the call. 
“Hello?” you murmured, “Who’s calling?”
“Me, idiot!” It was Logan. “I’ve been trying to reach you three times, why haven’t you been answering?” 
You rubbed your head, trying to ease the pain as there was another pain coming from the end of your phone, “Ugh, not now Logan, I think I’m about to have a migraine.”
There was a short pause on Logan’s end. If you were able to see him right about now, you could see his face turn into a look of deep distress. 
“What happened?” He said the question in the form of what it sounded to be a command. “Who’s ass do I have to kill?”
“Um, nobody?!” You said in discontent. Logan was becoming, or already was in overprotective mode. “I just took a bad fall right before you called and my head hurts and-”
“Are you drunk?” 
“God, no, Logan! Seriously? I wasn’t even finished yet-”
“I’m picking you all up now.” Logan said, sounding in a rush from the sound of the background. It sounded as if he already closed the door and was on his feet.
The phone call ended and the girls rushed you to sit down, with an ice pack on hand already, requested immediately while you were taking the call. 
It felt like only a few minutes of icing your head up when Logan bursted through the doors of the club, appearing in front of you. 
Once he got the story after asking how you were and how bad the fall was, Logan started calming down, turning back to his over caring mode. 
"I told you to be careful! See, this is why I don't want you going out without me!”
Jean and Storm shared understanding smiles as they witnessed Logan go all soft on you. 
“Oh shut up Logan, I just wanna go home,” was all you wanted to say for now. There wasn’t any place like home right now, just being in your pajamas and resting up in your bed. 
“Alright, bub,” he replied, getting a hold of you and clinging your arm around him. 
The ride back to the X Mansion was as quiet as it was going to the club earlier. You were resting your eyes and about to doze off in the front seat while Storm and Jean were looking out of their respective car windows in the back. Logan was just thinking about how he was gonna take care of you tonight and tomorrow while driving back home. 
He felt so guilty and awful for not being around you this evening and wished he was there to save you from that fall. Though at the same time, he was starting to grow tired of doing all these acts of love without you knowing he loved you. He always knew you saw him as a best friend and he was scared you’d only see him as that. 
While Jean and Storm went back to their respective bedrooms, Logan brought you over to yours and you were just ready to jump into bed until he scanned your head, holding you gently by the shoulders. 
“Does your head still hurt?”
“I’ll be okay,” you promised, rubbing the back of your head. 
“That isn’t what I asked, Y/N.”
You crossed your arms, getting a little annoyed with the mini interrogation. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, okay? It was just a slip, okay? It wasn’t like I fell off a cliff and somehow survived! Jesus, Logan, it’s like you’ve been treating me like a baby lately and I really can’t understand why! I’m a grown woman!”
“I was just trying to protect you!” he defended himself, placing his hands on your crossed arms. 
“Who gave you that right?!” 
Logan’s hands fell from your arms and found themselves in the pockets of his leather jacket. He shot you a fast heartsick look and started looking at the floor when he started confessing:
“I’ve learned that when you love someone, you protect them with your entire life at stake, and right now, my guts tell me to do the same.” 
“Somehow I thought that if I did all of this, it would finally click for you one day,” he continued, “But God, how blind can you be? I’m in love with you, Y/N.” 
Logan was met with your silence, still being able to process his raw confession, and thinking about what Storm and Jean had mentioned briefly at the bar, tying all of this together into reality. How oblivious and clueless were you really? You felt so ashamed of your snaps and unappreciated gestures now when it came to everything Logan did for you. 
Logan turned sideways, ready to face the door heading out of your bedroom, “Look,” he said, “Why don’t you freshen up and sleep tight, okay? Come back to me tomorrow when you figure things out.”
Logan turned around, facing your door, but out of a whirlwind, you swiftly grabbed him by the wrist to turn him around. His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could utter a word, you pulled him closer, your breath mingling with his. Without a moment's hesitation, you closed the gap, pressing your lips to his with an urgency that had been building for what felt like forever.
Logan's initial surprise melted away as he responded, his hands finding their way to your waist, pulling you even closer. The world outside disappeared, leaving just the two of you in that electric moment. His lips moved against yours with a mix of tenderness and fervor, as if every emotion he had kept bottled up was pouring out through that kiss.
Time seemed to slow, the intensity of the kiss deepening as you both let go of any reservations. His hands moved to cradle your face, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You could feel his heart racing against your chest, matching the frantic beat of your own.
When you finally pulled back, breathless, you both stayed close, foreheads touching as you caught your breath. His eyes searched yours, filled with the same longing and passion that had fueled the kiss, and you knew that everything had changed in that single, perfect moment.
"You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay." Logan teased with his worst lie ever. 
“Oh yeah? How about another then?” you proposed, wrapping your arms around him again. “I think you deserve it anyways.”
“Prove it, darling.”
1K notes · View notes
snooblydoot · 2 years ago
Text
My mom has been very alllmost suffocatingly affectionate towards me ever since my mental breakdown a week ago, i havent really reciprocated back i just kinda stand there like 🧍, cos she acts so loving one minute then extremely cruel, mean, abusive the other, where was this energy earlier in my life ?????
1 note · View note
nmakii · 2 months ago
Text
the look of love, the rush of blood
— what it means to date nagi seishiro, but not actually date him
yes this all happened sue me writers are thieves. omfg this id os humiliating to acc write down why is my life like this guys. btw can u guys like… gen tell me what u think ab this dynamic in comments i have to know im so bad at relationships
Tumblr media
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means staying up until 2 AM together. it’s finals week, and you’re supposed to be studying. but nagi wanted to play dress to impress with you, and promised he’d help you study after 5 or so rounds.
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means everyone at school thinking you’re dating. even reo asked if you have feelings for him, and when you insistently said no, he replied, “alright, alright..! just trying to make sure nagi doesn’t end up hurt.” so that nagi doesn’t end up hurt? what does that even mean?
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means starting volleyball together. you always meant to pick up a sport sooner or later, but you were too old. it’ll be embarrassing to pick one up this late! you told nagi about this, and he said, “i mean… it’s a lot less running than in football, so maybe i’ll try it out with you?”
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means him watching your favorite anime for you. nagi always said that it wasn’t his type of show, you never really expected him to actually watch it. but one day you get a message— “finished s1, but i cant find s2… not on netflix? :x” from then on, he practically enabled you to keep ranting about the show, and he even got a little shocked when you had told him a fake spoiler.
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means him insisting to pay him back, but not actually doing anything about it. occasionally, when nagi isn’t too tired, the two of you meet up for breakfast in the morning. he lives closer to school, so he usually always gets there earlier. you always ask him to buy your order and he agrees, only on the condition you pay him back. you always pay him back with baked goods, and he always eats them up. and, he still insists he wants his cash back! you’ve given him cookies and brownies worth more than 3 orders of pancakes, you’re starting to wonder if he just likes your baking.
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means hanging out after school. nagi trains a lot. he has to, apparently, in order to become the best striker in the world. but, it doesn’t mean he likes it. if he had it his way, he’d walk to the mall with you and share a cup noodle everyday after school. he’d love to just sit around the convenience store with you for forever— or at least until he wanted to go home. but unfortunately, that time is only limited to an hour before club training starts.
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means telling him about all the people you don’t like. nagi’s a pacifist. he likes to think that he’s a very peaceful and chill guy. there isn’t many people he actually hates. but apparently, you do. you tell him almost every week about at least one person who did you wrong, or a guy who keeps harassing you— it almost makes nagi think, ‘is it actually possible for one person to get harassed this much?’. nonetheless, he still listens and internally rolls his eyes when he sees one of the people you’ve mentioned.
dating nagi seishiro, but not actually dating him means him ditching his hang out to go with you. blue lock just won against the japan U20 team. no one thought they could make it. and as a reward, anri decided that they deserve some free time to themselves in the outside world. isagi had invited nagi, chigiri, bachira, and some others to hang out with him. but because he overslept, he just decided not to go… instead he went to your house. “hey, let’s go to an arcade today?” he asked. the two of you headed into your favorite arcade somewhere in shibuya and since he was so near the café he was gonna originally meet isagi at, he did intend to say hi… but that plan sort of went out the window.
“nagi… let me win for once, would ya?” you grumbled. “but, i’ve already got 15 wins, i don’t wanna lose…” he hums in return. and when he finally K.O.’s your character, you hear a loud gruff voice.
“hey, you pain-in-the-ass gamer prince!” it calls out. and by the disgruntled look on his face, it seems nagi already knows who it is. “yer gonna lose yer friends, ya jerk!” the voice suddenly runs in behind nagi and grabs him by the neck. you recognize that face, it was the #6 of last night’s game! “caught him red-handed!” reo laughs.
you’re suddenly a bit shy surrounded by all these new people, not to mention the fact that they’re basically mini-celebrities. “oh? who’s this one you’re hanging out with?” the boy in the beanie asks, walking up to you. you’re suddenly intimidated by the aura that surrounds him. “…wanna see some ninja arts?” he asks.
you’re tempted to say yes, you’ve never seen a ninja before. the choice is taken though when that aforementioned #6 and a boy with pink hair in an updo bun (he looks like a girl, but you’re sure he’s a guy since he was in last night’s game…) yell at him. “don’t go doin’ yer stupid seducing tricks, moron!”
ignoring all of that, nagi finally answered, “…this is s/o, my friend.” isagi nods, and reo almost looks like he wants to scoff at the title, ‘friend’. “so you ditched isagi to hang out with s/o? way to choose your priorities, nagi..!” reo laughs. “well, i haven’t seen s/o in weeks… and i’ve been seeing all of you too much…” he mumbles.
most of them look rightfully offended, most especially isagi, the boy with pink hair, and another boy with a brown and yellow bob cut. the three of them drag nagi over to the dart board as the boy with the bob hums, “let’s party! nya haaa! ♪”
reo grins and encourages you to follow the group, “c’mon, let’s hang! i know nagi especially will be really glad to have you along!” nagi would be glad? …pushing those thoughts aside, you agree to join them. “yeah… sure, i’ll join.”
590 notes · View notes
thegreatimpersonator · 14 days ago
Note
Heeey, if u dont wanna answer this that's fine! But just wondering what's Travis done? (Im not a fan or anything lol, legit curious). Now that i think about it, i think he's irl friends (like, outside of work) with that mahommes guy whose brother... well, trigerring topic but ye his brother's a piece of shit and that guy's wife im pretty sure defended the brother + is a trumpie💀. But i dont follow them/usamerican football so ive just heard about these things casually. I think there were also some weird tweets from years back? Guess i answered my own question lol. Wild the kcc also have that "women should stay home" at a uni graduation speech guy...
welcome to the materpost.
im making this so i can always have something to refer back to when people ask, and this isnt gonna include personal opinions as facts (like how i just find him very attention-seeking and annoying, that's just personal opinion) but it will cover all the main terrible things he's done as well as the bad stuff people he (and now taylor) voluntarily choose to associate with.
don't know where to begin so i'll just start from where i remember
people found his old tweets where he was ableist (making fun of autism and saying the r slur), fatphobic towards women, misogynistic and homophobic.
him along with the chiefs decided to visit trump at the white house in 2020, after many teams declined bc they didnt want to publicly associate with a fascist, but travis was down!
he then also got caught liking an instagram post about trump
he has said recently he would be going to visit trump again in the white house if they win the superbowl.
when asked about how he felt about Trump going to the Super Bowl and playing in front of him, he said it was “pretty cool” and “an honor”.
he also made a r*pe joke, (first part in the clip) he was asked what word turned him on and he said when women say 'no' and then laughed and he was "kidding".
in the second part of that same clip in the previous bullet point, he's also xenophobic! on a podcast he said "if you dont speak english, then what are you doing here (in america)" and then proceeded to laugh when the host says he tells them the wrong directions on purpose.
he also 'jokingly' (no one laughed) called women "breeders" when discussing what women he was interested in.
he, alongside the chiefs, stood in solidarity with Israel by doing a ‘moment of silence’ before a game. i know people are gonna try and find excuses for him by saying ‘he was just doing what his team did, what was he supposed to do, etc’ nonsense, but that implies he was forced and had no choice; which he did. he also could have spoken up about the genocide/palestine afterwards but he stood in solidarity with Israel and has silent ever since.
he has a history of violent temper tantrums, and no him being a football player isnt an excuse. men using violence to get through their emotions isnt something to be normalized. he has had multiple instances of extreme aggression, including a screaming match with his couch at last years Superbowl, screamed at a ref and threw his helmet, also punching his own teammate during practice, and punching opposing players during games.
he's best friends with machine gun kelly, they grew up together and have remained close to this day. MGK has been openly racist, misogynistic, has said he sees nothing wrong with sleeping with minors, etc.
he defended his teammate, harrison butker (who was the guy who gave the viral problematic commencement speech, saying "women should be most excited about their marriage and the children they will bring into this world" and "things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values and media all stem from pervasiveness of disorder,” and called Pride Month “the deadly sin sort of pride,” and specifically criticized the LGBTQ community, which he claimed promotes “dangerous gender ideologies.").... anyway travis defended THAT guy, saying he cherishes him as a teammate and said "he is every bit of a great person and a great teammate." and said harrison treats everyone with "nothing but respect and kindness, we’re not always going to agree … but I understand the person that he is and he’s trying to do whatever he can to lead people in the right direction." Travis then said 'everyone has different opinions and that's what's great about this country'. he flat out said hating gay people and women are what make this country great.  
travis is also besties with known racist, morgan wallen (who got caught saying the n word, promised to donate money to charities fighting for racial justice and then just didnt), and joined him on stage last august. oh and travis was also wearing a harrison butker jersey during the concert... supporting him once again, just 3 months after his bigoted speech.
travis is also besties with the mahomes, now lets talk about him and taylors new besties they voluntarily love spending time with.
the main issue isnt really patrick mahomes (another player on the chiefs), it's brittany (his wife) and jackson (his brother)
jackson sexually assaulted a woman at a restaurant by grabbing her and forcibly kissing her. she reported the assault and he reportedly tried to bribe her into shutting up, but then she faced such harassment from his fans that the restaurant shut down and the case was dismissed despite video evidence of it happening.
brittany defended jackson and became a vocal assault apologist by saying "he is a human just trying to live his life and find his way and until you walk a day in his shoes (which no one ever will) you have no right to say shit about him".
last summer, brittany got called out for liking a post by trump where he outlined his plans for being president in 2025, including starting the largest deportation operation in history, zionist propaganda, and transphobic rhetoric about not wanting trans women in women's sports. she then defended it and doubled down vocalizing her supprt for trump.
brittany being transphobic about not wanting trans women in women's sports is deeply concerning due to the fact she is the co-owner of Kansas City Current, a team in the American professional top-division National Women's Soccer League.
271 notes · View notes