#is it weird im feeling dysphoric over this

[rigberts]

I can't be like "men are awful" bc I have to let go of needlessly divisive and cynical statements like that if we are to ever truly move past this gender based culture war that drives us into hateful movements like trans exclusionary radical feminism and right wing incel communities but also there are so many men out there that are awful.

[teplejtrouba]

every so often i now notice my first beard hairs coming in. it's incredibly euphoric but also scary as i Do Not trust myself with sharp objects and am a coward and im already dreading having to shave. but i am also a snob and an aesthete and don't want a few stupid stray hairs on my neck. i also miss my smooth luscious baby face because of sensory reasons.

[effervescent-fool]

.

[illicit-lilies]

I wish I was better at talking. I feel like such a shithead child sometimes that I can't hold a conversation like a real adult. It makes me afraid for the future of my relationships...

[poems-of-a-lover]

waiting for the day i can consume cis gay media and not get insanely jealous, dysphoric, or both

[shadyhouse]

i have $6 right now and im about to have to overdraft my main bank account severely to pay rent again, i'm still looking for jobs but its been a nightmare. plz help me to survive the month 🙏😭 anything at all helps

if anyone is able to throw a few bucks at me so i can buy groceries after work today itd be much much much appreciated 👉👈 anything at all helps

vnm: tobias_leviathan

pp: paypal.me/bewearrr

[genderqueerdykes]

hey, how do you know if youre really trans? ive liked the idea of masc terms for myself for a while, but it feels kinda weird saying it. not good, not bad, just weird. is it because im still getting used to them after 18 years of being called a woman, or...?

sorry if this is heavy, i just needed someone to ask and you seem cool

that's not too heavy, that's actually a very common experience!

change, even if it's a welcome change, can feel weird and even uncomfortable at times. when i was first using masc terms and different pronouns, it felt weird at first, too. like you said, i believe it's due to being used to being referred to as a woman for so long. it may not be how you want to be referred to, but it's what you're used to. even things that are uncomfortable can feel "normal" if it's what you're used to

transition feels awkward no matter how dysphoric or uncomfortable you are. there's that initial stage of am i doing this right??? is this really for me??? that almost everyone goes through and you're not alone. most trans people end up misgendering themselves on accident, even in their own heads, during the beginning stages of transition. it's okay to be unsure of how this feels right now, you're still learning about this part of yourself

it takes time to figure out, and it especially takes time to internalize. there's a period when questioning if one is trans where we are completely unsure. it's okay to feel like you just don't know right now. questioning and figuring things out is a process, and it takes time to adjust to any major changes. now, if you find that after a good while, you still find those terms uncomfortable, they may not be right for you, but i would say give it a while to see if you can adjust. it's going to feel weird and different at first and that's okay!

the only real way to know is to take the time to try and see if it's right for you! if you find out it's not right for you, well hey, you did something awesome and explored your gender. if it is right for you, you will adjust over time. i hope that made sense! feel free to answer any more questions you may have!

[genderkoolaid]

do you also get cis people treating transmasculinity as something super fragile or that they need to affirm constantly? i dont know if this is a transandrophobia specific thing but i get people like over-affirming my gender all the time ("supportive" cis friends calling me a "man" too much, talking about my dick (despite me being. pre surgery. and also it being weird to talk about my genitalia w/o consent), commenting on me "looking like a man" on days im trying to pass more) its like weirdly just. reminding me im not cis for no reason? ive seen stuff where cis people will overcompensate by calling trans men handsome, but a lot of the time in my experience it seems to be directly linked with an obsession of me being a non-passing, pre surgery/"fragile" trans men, its so weird

This definitely isn't exclusive to transmasculinity- I've heard a lot of transfems talk about a similar experience of cis people being very "yass slay queen" in trying to affirm their genders, but (especially when they only do that to trans people) it just ends up being very alienating. I think it generally comes from a good place but there's definitely an issue of cis people both assuming transness is inherently insecure and needs cis approval to feel good about itself, and also having a very narrow view of transness & what trans people's goals are.

Personally I really dislike "short king" as an unprompted compliment because it often ends up just feeling demeaning and pitying (like "aww you're trying so hard to be sexy when you're so short! how cute :) here's a charity compliment lil guy") which just makes me more dysphoric about my height than if you just compliment me like a normal fucking person. It's like people want to be allies but still get uncomfortable/unsure when someone is presenting a certain way while being visibly trans, so they feel the need to either point it out in a "compliment" or overcompensate to try and make themselves feel better about us not being cis.

[unlimitedbutchworks]

sorry if i might be misinterpreting ur post but: so its Not just me that gets a little bothered by how suddenly hyped up strap/packing bulge is in lesbian spaces then??? like i swear i used to have to be hyper vigilant about if my dick was visible or not & had an irrational fear of being labelled a sex pest if i ever had like morning wood during a sleepover or something & now suddenly so many tme's are out openly thirsting over plastic dick prints??? like i Guess i'd prefer other dykes openly like a bulge than act the way my paranoia insists they would; but it all just feels a bit eyeroll inducing & irritates me a bit... idk...

as someone who’s had a cis ex eagerly refer to mine as a ‘bio strap’, i do get you (especially with the hypervigilance, mood), but my frustration was less with ppl being centered on ‘strap’ as uniquely lesbian compared to other phalluses and more with the growing comfortability non-transfems build for only addressing and recognizing trans women by their dicks while not working on their other internalized transmisogyny.

like i myself am someone who generally isn’t that bottom dysphoric but what that’s gotten me is great experiences from my love life such as getting chided for perceived male socialization before being made to top by a lesbian ex again (because why would someone like me want or have different sex), or the general fact that it wasn’t until like, last year that i got to experience some explicit compliments and touches for the first time on my breasts and my body that weren’t just about my dick or otherwise typically ‘masculine’ things like my muscles (especially silly given that im just skinny and barely have any musculature). and my partners were all lgbt, several of them trans in various ways! but this didn’t stop them from taking my general comfort with my body as an excuse to hone in on my dick without fear of repercussion.

i feel like a lot of people act like being gay or trans inherently makes you deconstruct/be better about gender, and they might be better about people similar to them, but often they still wind up treating trans women like ‘different’ men and carry matching expectations as such. sometimes it’s more subtle or sometimes it’s obvious like when lesbians will sometimes use us to experiment with bisexuality, but it still happens and people hate to talk about it lol. and we don’t have to get into the frustration i feel for people being like that re: strap ons while still being weird about other kinds of dicks, as if plenty of nb people and transmascs don’t see their strap ons as extensions of themselves and as their dicks through this way, but i do feel it, lol.

[peskytimeswithscar]

ok it's headcanon time for.... grian!!!!

in regards to identity i view him as being aro-spec, while i could find a specific label i feel like c!grian wouldn't care much into finding that label, i think he'd prefer to just identify as being on the spectrum but he wouldn't really put in the time or effort into researching it

he also is asexual!! however im just asexual myself so all my blorbos must be asexual bc it feels. weird if not

and he's gay!!! gay man, gay gay homo (but actually this is mainly just because of yhs where he says hes "no im into dudes", plus i just cannot see c!grian with a woman that man is gay)

i also see him as being on the asensual (sensual attraction is the desire to touch others in a non-sexual way, e.g. cuddling, kissing, etc) spectrum !! mainly demi-asenflux because i feel like he would only like touch from people he's close + sometimes really doesn't want to be touched, but sometimes/alot of the time he really wants to and is the clingiest

he also gives off vibes of being on the aplatonic spectrum but i cannot think of anything in specific, maybe demiplatonic and cupioplatonic? i just feel like smth is up w this man's platonic orientation,, he def wants to have friends and is willing to do so but he only really feels platonic attraction whenever he's actually close to a person

i could probably go more into detail but those are the primary ones in my head for his sexuality so lets (finally) go onto GENDER!!!!

this man is definitely transgenderism!!! he identifies as a trans-man tho i do feel like his standards of being a man definitely differ to society's, he's most definitely gender non-conforming and he mainly wears androgynous or feminine clothing most of the time (though he only really wears skirts or dresses if hes cross-dressing as ariana griande)

he also probably is somewhere on the non-binary spectrum he just doesn't really identify with it

i feel like he primarily uses it/he pronouns? he definitely feels less than human due to his watcher roots so it got used to being called it/its, he also only is called she/her when he's cross-dressing as ariana griande, and if i had to give him some neoprns i feel like he'd enjoy chirp/chirp's? or some sort of parrot themed neopronouns

i also think he wouldn't get top surgery! it's easier for him not to since he only gets dysphoric over the shape they cause (which can easily be solved via a binder) instead of the actual chest itself

ok gender part over now it's time for some other headcanons

this man is definitely 100% neurodivergent, i feel like in particular he has adhd (this man cannot finish the back of his bases and gets distracted off tasks like a dog seeing a squrriel) and autism!!! i feel like he sometimes goes non-verbal (though i feel, as a parrot hybrid, when he's non-verbal he just ends up copying what other people are saying to him, so maybe that could be considered semi-verbal?), i think he would stim ALOT using his wings, he's happy and suddenly u have feathers everywhere because he flapped them alongside his hands

i think he would also have really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria, he definitely dislikes getting rejected from things which leads to him bottling alot of things up and causing plenty of the scarian miscommunication we're all too familiar with

he also stims with bird noises alot! he likes to chirp and squawk when he's happy, tho that may also just be because he's a parrot hybrid

he definitely changes hyperfixations like the wind, one week he likes this one thing and another he likes this other thing, and i feel like he would only really have 1 or 2 special interests that actually stick around (one of them likely being architecture/building, the other probably being birds and such)

he tends to have a very changing routine and schedule due to his adhd HOWEVER he has some routines (mainly with scar in them, who prefers to have very set routines cause that man also has autism) which never change or both of them get stressed out (e.g. morning/night routine, a routine that started in the desert and then followed them onto hermitcraft - they both get very stressed out on the life series since it disrupts their routines)

this was.... alot more text than i was expecting to write but anyway!!! expect a scar one at some point

[kizashige]

im a new morishige fan can you explain transfem morishige

Oh jesus. I have many many thoughts and reasons for it, but simply put, I think everything about his character cuts far deeper working with him as transfem (specifically I headcanon him as bigender transfem).

but I feel like to explain all of that, I have to explain a little about his queer-coding in general. it's different factors like his fate in heavenly host, his inability to assimilate into his own friend group, those struggles with his social image and what's expected of him, his relationships with mayu, his parents, even the structure of his darkening.

it's how he defines his masculinity-- and in the grand scheme of corpse party, both masculinity and femininity are aspects that are played with throughout different characters.

I could write so fucking much about this, but particularly there's a parallel of kizami being one of the more traditionally masculine characters and how much he's respected for it, and mayu being more traditionally feminine and how much she's admired by her peers. they're both incredibly aware of how to use their masculinity or femininity, respectively, in order to gain some kind of social leverage, and both have their gender expression tied to some kind of complex (kizami's entire thing with yuka and his own siblings, mayu's breakdown where she couldn't bear to have ayumi and yoshiki see her bruises because she didn't want them to think she was ugly aka imperfect) (they are also so trans to me). kai, ohkawa, mitsuki, the pattern is also there with them, but this isn't about them.

morishige fits into that pattern by being an androgynous character with less masculine interests, a less masculine physique, and how he's not taken seriously by his peers whatsoever because of it. I see how he carries his masculinity as an example of someone's who overcompensating, because there's a futility to his efforts towards his presentation and his gender expression. he's not successful at it, he can't get that social leverage. to me, that mirrors being a closeted trans person trying to conform to those gender roles and just being so incapable of that.

I think that overcompensating carries over to his relationship with mayu as well, especially with the way he views himself as her protector and the only one who truly knows her weaknesses, despite that he says himself he doesn't want to save her for a noble reason and rather because he can't live without her. it comes across to me as him playing up that stereotypically masculine role in their relationship to cope with his circumstances, and to no avail, rather than a real need to get out her of heavenly host (in contrast to, say, yoshiki and ayumi).

and in general, morishige is overcompensating a lot. he prides himself on being stoic (he's forced to exercise empathy to keep himself in check), rational (he is paranoid, clouded by his own bitterness, and falls prey to his obsession), and independent (he did not have the willpower to survive without mayu). what heavenly host does for morishige is constantly challenge his own perception of himself, and I think taking that concept out of the context of heavenly host and using it as a larger part of his character really works for a transfem headcanon. especially as the darkening has him confront himself with denial and shame, and mirroring that with him confronting that he's actually trans.

something else about the darkening is how antagonistic he is towards every corpse he sees because they represent something he was never able to have before heavenly host. and every corpse he comes across is female.

and in regards to his family, his background in being viewed as this weird, off-putting child by his own family, that everything about his behavior is scrutinized by his parents and how much he resents that perception just means a lot more to me with him as a closeted trans girl.

I like headcanoning him as very very socially dysphoric because of all that and that he actually hates validation and how he's perceived by people no matter what. that the expectations of either gender and feeling like he's being boxed into one or the other would drive him crazy when he wants to be seen as both.

she can be everything.

she/he/it☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️

[felidthing]

yknow. at this point ive spent roughly half of my life experiencing gender dysphoria and i can tell you it feels exactly the same when it comes to species. i'd argue ive been species dysphoric longer than ive been gender dysphoric. and i cope with it on this barest minimum level mostly because what i want just isnt possible- species-affirming medical care doesnt exist- and because of the stigma surrounding even the most surface-level identification with non-human animals.

and its not something im safe from in trans communities, the idea of nonhuman people are scapegoated by trans people and transphobes. "if we let kids identify as any gender then what if kids start identifying as animals?" vs the famous threat of "making a mockery" of trans people. i am trans people. im transgendered. i have transitioned. my experiences with gender and species are nearly identical. huge communities all over the world have made themselves known and worked to live their lives with the gender identity and presentation they feel is correct and comfortable. why is there a barrier when it comes to species?

"well you see, its weird to identify as nonhuman" okay, cool. its weird to identify outside your assigned sex and gender, too. its a mental illness to experience distress about your gender, and a lot of people still consider it a mental illness to be nonconforming at all, let alone seek medical intervention about it.

im not asking for everyone to flip their animal switches from no to yes. i just wish i could talk about this more freely without worrying about being alienated by my peers or institutionalized by the people with power over me

[warmcoals]

Is there a way to politely “break up” with my friends? I’m a transfemme lesbian who recently came out. All my friends are guys and they’ve been supportive and i love them in a way but hanging with men makes me feel like “one of the boys” (even though they’re super kind and respectful and treat me like a woman) and I just feel so dysphoric when we spend time together, as nice as they are. It’s not any fault of their own, but I think the best life for me involves as few men as possible, like the brave lesbians who made me want to transition (like you, btw. Thanks!). I’m not super unhappy around them, but I just feel like if I was successful in my goals I’d be in some sort of Touhou world.

aw hell im late responding to this one. but funny enough i was in a very similar sitch early in transition. and my biggest advice? do not break up(tm) with those guys.

like, start talking to more girls online, duh. find a community for something u like and just participate, talk to other ppl, hang out. see if anyone is in yr area to meet up sometime etc etc. you know how to make friends. but like, once you have girlies in yr life, and they make up just abt yr whole life, youll look back on your dumbass rotten egg dudes and be like, well, cheers. theyll be happy to hear how yr doing later on, and youll be dumbfounded by the lives of normies once they grow up.

for now just like. literally just say "cant hang out as much!" or schedule games movies whatever night w other ppl. youll grow apart naturally, no need to do anything dramatic. the girls will edge them out naturally over time and you can wave at them fondly from the weird tslur tower you live in.

[lunaz-virtual-diary]

entry # 20

aorry i havent written in a while! (˵ˊᯅˋ˵)

i gotta stop making this a habit lol. todays been weird. im super dysphoric rn so I'm not feeling too good. i was so excited looking at this cool hair straightening treatment and its like 500$ </3 so that crushed me and my mom didnt help me feel any better ໒꒰ྀི ಠ ᎔ ಠ ꒱ྀི১ i dont know how anyone could want curly hair? even if it wasnt dysphoria related I would still want this. CURLY HAIR SUCKS. its actual hell to deal with and doesnt suit me. my mom just said "well as your hair grows it'll get less straight" THAT DOESNT SOLVE ANYTHING!! (˵ˊᯅˋ˵) i dont want "straight-er" i want STRAIGHT!! as straight as spaghetti before its cooked... but perfectly not as fragile! i know i can manifest n stuff ive just had a weird day and i need to complain lol.

the start of the day was so scary TwT nothing felt real. it was like i was living in a dream it was terrifying!! it reminds me of how i felt when i was hospitalized. nothing felt real. apparently its a trauma thing? the other day my morbid curiousity got to me and i saw one of those snvff vids with the ai filter over it. :c... maybe im like overreacting but i feel like sobbing thinking about it. i didnt see any of the actual gore but i could hear everything. they were KIDS :C kids. one of them im pretty sure was literally csam with a minion filter slapped on it. ive been having nightmares about it. i dont understand how anyone could do that. especially to a child. it makes me sick. i almost vomited after seeing it.. i know a lot of people are desensitized to this stuff but I'm not. at all.

I did see my new therapist today though!! I love him sm he's so funny i feel so comfy around him. i was scared abt having a male therapist but like you know how you can tell someone is gay just by how they act and talk? thats him. he got me signed up to do some candy thingy at a hospital? i forget what its called but its like a DREAM!! I'll get to cheer up kids and elderly people!! i really wanna be some sort of nurse and he says thats a good place to learn about the different kinds and what people do! he told me I would be "a lovely nurse" and told the ppl on the phone that i was a sweetheart!! thats like, EXACTLY HOW I WANNA BE PERCIEVED!! so that made me happy!! I really wanna help kids and animals the most. making kids and animals happy just warms my heart and having a career of doing that just sounds like a dream

my dad got me some fries n a strawberry milkshake !! ૮꒰๑>⩊<๑꒱ა it was also my bestie's older brother's bday !! so happy bday 2 him (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) !! I've been focusing sm on shifting and i have a good feeling about it! I might respawn to my waiting room! but idk yet. i decided my waiting room is gonna be an adorable cutecore house with pink heart shaped appliances and a bunch of kittens !! plus my bfie ofc :3c after writing all this im def in a better mood!! besides, I'm the god of my own reality! so I can manifest whatever. sometimes im scared to say that because my hellenic beliefs are a bit different from others..! a lot of people find it disrespectful when it's simply a fact! Aphrodite gave me permission to call myself her daughter and nobody is offended or upset with me when i refer to myself as a goddess! wanna know why? because im not mocking anyone! i dont think im better than the gods, in fact, I'm below them. but I am still the goddess of my own reality and the other gods and goddesses are like motherly and fatherly figures to me who help guide me! ♡

[appliedpsychedelics]

Social Detransition?

>be me

>troon out (social transition)

>it has been YEARS

>the doctors asked if I want to go on T (at 14) and I said I needed time

>reading stuff online, realize I'm not a man and never will be one, the science isn't there, it's morally wrong, this trans ideology has a whole host of issues, and it's harmful for society at large (im like 17 now)

>still lying to everyone around me that I'm "male" (when I guess I'm just a crossdresser) because I can't mentally handle the idea that people (might) see a woman when they look at me, it feels really degrading

>it feels... degrading??

>Start thinking more about WHY i "want to be a boy", where that feeling comes from

>realize I've basically been traumatized in the PERFECT way to make me end up trans

so basically I'm in this weird position where I am:

>self aware that trans ideology is flawed and I'm not a man

BUT, simultaneously, I am unable to stop obsessing over being seen as male, because I AM dysphoric still even if I am no longer delusional. It's tough!!

[yourbigendergremlet]

Here is a bunch of rambles ive vollected over a few months instead of posting them in seperate posts

Feeling dysphoric about my face not being masculine, putting my hair down because it makes me feel masculine, i hate hair in my face, all my headbands to hold my hair back have bows on it, rip off the bows, wear is like a sweatband

Manly ✨

Even if i was ever gonna come out to my family as bigender, they wouldn't just say it is terrible, they would just tell me that im making no sense because i am still female, a part of me is still that, but they just wouldn't get that a part of me is also male, they would just say it was a tomboy. If they continue to misgender me, they aren't exactly wrong because i am still female so calling me she/her is still not wrong so i cant get that angry about it

Feeling dysphoria? I just made a new album in my gallery and copied any images that made me feel like a guy into there and named it "i am a big strong beautiful manly man"

Felt like a guy today but went to church and was gonna sit in the mens side but then felt extremely uncomfortable so i went to the women's side but i also felt uncomfortable with myself there and aaaagh

Me making braclets with my pride flags but my family dont know that thy are pride flags because they dont know the bigender and genderfluid flags 😎

Complaining to my little brother about our mum not letting me buy men's clothes and freely shopping in the men's section with him because he has not yet been tainted by our parents and older sister's views and feeling amazing even though he still knows nothing about lgbt stuffs

Me thinking of a plan to ask my little brother what his views on the lgtvs are but descreetly so that if he doesnt like it he wont tell mother 0.0

Conversation switches to "lgbt people bad", me goes completely silent 0.0 me: "haha yeah thats weird..." when talked directly to desperately trying to switch topic while not outing myself

My sister wants to try new nail polish but already has some on so asks my little brother to do it on him, parents being like "nooo he's a boyyyy" and my sister being like "yeah guys wear nail polish now tho but he still isnt gonna be able to be a girl" and me being there like "yeah, he can put on nail polish" and internally screaming that guys can be girls if they are aaaa

Hahaha internalised transphobia :D for a while there

Me: am i actually genderfluid or am i actually bigender? Am i faking it? Am i pretending to relate to genderfluid and ftm trans people? Am i only just female and male or am i non binary also a bit??? Am i duel weilding my genders or am i fluctuating between them right now i have no clue??????? Is that why im feeling like thisssss???

Me going out somewhere, analysing how guys walk and act differently to girls and taking mental notes

Walking two steps like how people say guys walk and feeling absolutely on top of the world before going back to normal

Hoping im being subtle in trying to lower my voice so my family dont question it (and horribly failing at being subtle why is lowering your voice a bit so hard??)

Tumblr recomending me a suspicious amount of transgender posts before i had started properly questioning my gender or even thought about it

If i was a AMAB, being bigender would be so much easier becuase it's easier to just wear a skirt or dress and look distinctly feminine and then wear other stuff and look distinctly masculine but as a AFAB when you wear male clothes you still look female but who just bought something from the male section instead of looking like a guy

My mum speaking arabic and using the masculine versions of words for me as a joke but me internally pretending that she is using my correct pronouns 🥲

Me considering getting the school trousers so i can wear that sometimes instead of my skirt but also its my last year and no point spending money on uncomfortable trousers ill never wear again if its only for one year

So in church, women wear something called an isharba which is a headscarf meant to cover your hair to be modest.

Ive noticed that on days where im feeling like a girl, i can wear the isharba theoughout the mass but on days where im feeling like a guy i feel very uncomfortable wearing it and dont usually wear it in the mass. On some days i can wear it on and off throughout as well. It's intresting how my gender also effects something like wearing a head scarf, but i guess it can also be kinda like skirts in that sense? It was also a very subconcious feeling and even when i wasnt aware of what gender i was that day i would sometimes feel uncomfortable

Some days i feel more comfortable with the label bigender, and sometime im more comfortable with the label genderfluid and it's weird

Today im feeling more masculine, but also not fully so im more between he/they. But also there is a small twinge of feminine but only a small amount.

So i dont really feel like he/him, but i dont like they/them for myself, but then also im not he/she because there isnt a lot of she in me but im not he/him because i dont feel fully like a guy.

Im not none of them because i am all of them but to varying degrees to the extent where im not comfortable with any of the pronouns no matter how they are balanced. Idk? Are people just not meant to refer to me when i feel like this????

A very specific feeling i want to experience is wearing a dress while looking like a boy, i really want to have the feeling of being a cis boy wearing a dress so much

I didn't realise how important having facial and body hair was to me until my mum and sister kept saying that i should shave it. I really really love my body and facial hair and i really want even a small beard but my mum and sister made me shave my tiny moustache hairs and unibrow for christmas and tried to get me to shave my leg and arm hair and i feel super dysphoric without it being there anymore

That moment of delusion where i pretend to myself that the soft fabricy present my sister got for me was a binder and fantasise about it but its just a jumper in reality

My sister was talking about starfield and how stupid it was that you could put pronouns "why not just have it male and female lol" and i tried to laugh along but really just could not make it sound energetic and i felt kinda sick

Ive recently had the epithany that as a bigenderfluid person i am still allowed to be a femboy or a tomboy and that being feminine doesnt necessarily make me a girl that day and i am still a guy and-