#i love my new voice!!!!! im excited to talk now instead of dreading it. i pass. it sounds funny. i love it. but also.... i am Not used to i

[teplejtrouba]

every so often i now notice my first beard hairs coming in. it's incredibly euphoric but also scary as i Do Not trust myself with sharp objects and am a coward and im already dreading having to shave. but i am also a snob and an aesthete and don't want a few stupid stray hairs on my neck. i also miss my smooth luscious baby face because of sensory reasons.

[havin-a-wee]

If Only She Knew

pairing: dad!harry x cheerleader!reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut (fingering + unprotected sex), cheerleading position implies readers weight, 20 year age gap

hi! ive been having some really bad writers block but i wrote this and even though its def not my best work i like it enough to post it :) also, i totally didn't mean to imply the readers weight, i only realized afterwards, so im really sorry about that. also the age gap is kinda big, so if ur uncomfy with that you shouldn't read this <3

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY

“Geez watch where you’re going!”

You don’t even look up at the girl, recognizing her nasally voice easily from how annoying it is. You were nose deep in a book while walking down the school hallway, and of course your worst enemy had to be walking down the same hallway, at the same time, in the opposite direction. You are both at fault for the collision, considering Ella had her eyes locked on her instagram feed. But knowing the girl, there is no way in hell that she will take any responsibility, even though you are the one who has coffee dripping down the front of your white blouse.

Since middle school, Ella Styles has always hated you. You have never known why, but she seems to have a vendetta against you, and tries her best to make your life miserable. You never let her, always refraining from giving her the explosive reaction that she was looking for. And that makes her hate you even more.

High school is over in 2 months, and although you are going to miss the freedom of being a child, you most definitely won’t miss the people from the tiny town you’ve lived in since you were young. You’ve always been the type of person to have a small friend group, only 4 people in your circle. But that’s how you like it, because crippling social anxiety makes it difficult for you to meet new people.

“I- sorry.” You still don’t look at her, instead peeling the soaking wet top off of your stomach.

“You better be sorry.” She flips her blonde hair, ensuring that the fluffy locks hit you right in the face. You are lucky this time seeing as she didn’t take it further, because sometimes she would purposely embarrass you after small incidents such as this one.

Tears well at your waterline and you run into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the blue door and locking yourself in a stall.

After all these years of torment, Ella rarely was able to get to you. But sometimes, she does something that pushes you off the edge, leaving you with red, tear-stained cheeks. The final straw this time was her ruining your brand new shirt, the one you were anxiously waiting to debut at school.

But now there was coffee dripping down your chest and staining the bright white fabric. Your only saving grace is the cheerleading uniform in your backpack. In fact, you were walking to the locker room to change for practice, and then for the game at 6 tonight.

You had been excited for the game, knowing that Friday night games always led to parties and fun afterwards. You rarely go to parties of course, but the buzzing energy never fails to rub off on you. But now that stupid Ella had to go and mess up your day, you’re dreading seeing her smug face while she asserts her dominance as cheer captain.

You untie your top and rip it off in a haste, frustrated tears running down your face periodically. You could’ve put a jacket on and gone to the locker room, but Ella would be going there soon, and the last thing you want to do is run into her with teary eyes. She can’t know that you let her get to you.

You brush your hands down your uniform, pulling down the skimpy costume and stuffing your old clothes in your backpack. Once out of the stall, you pull your hair up into a high ponytail, reapply your lip gloss and walk back into the hallway, having already done your makeup that morning. You’re happy that it’s a home game today, because the home game uniforms are two pieces and the skirts are smaller than the ones on the away game uniforms. There is a certain someone you are looking to impress, and the way your tits spill out from the top of the outfit will most certainly help you in your mission.

It’s not like you need to impress him, because he’s shown time and time again that he finds you sexy no matter what you wear. And when he doesn’t tell you, he shows you, by pressing his hard on up against your ass after you just woke up, despite your messy hair and bare face.

However, he also loves when you tease him. And that’s exactly what you’re planning to do.

You sling your heavy backpack over one shoulder and trudge down the hallway, the old fluorescent lights practically blinding you on your journey. The locker room is dingy, smelling of cheap soap and Victoria’s Secret perfume. At least it doesn’t smell like the boys locker room, which smells like sweat and more sweat.

It's already bustling with people, your teammates scrambling to get ready in time as to not get yelled at by the coach.

“Y/N!” The familiar shout of your best friend Rose is like a breath of fresh air, and you bound over to her. She’s standing in front of your lockers, the two of you obviously picking ones next to each other. “Wait, why are you already changed?”

“The bitch spilled her coffee all over me,” you grumbled, your eyes shifting over to where Ella and her little goons are giggling.

“I keep telling you, anytime you want me to beat her up I will gladly do it.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities Rose, because I know you would have her on the ground in a heartbeat, but I can’t let you do that. She can’t know that she upsets me.” You lower your voice for the second sentence, irrationally fearing that she can hear you over the loud chatter echoing through the room.

“I still think you should let me beat her up, but you do you I guess.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her locker, bursting out into laughter with you after a beat of silence.

The rest of the getting ready process goes smoothly, Rose distracting you from the girl side-eyeing you in the corner. Soon enough, the whole squad was in formation outside, and you have your hands on the shoulders of Rose and another girl named Bethany. You are a flyer, meaning that you’re the one who the bases support while you pose and flip in the air. Its a hard job, but you are one of only three girls on the team who is advanced enough at flying to be safe doing it in routines. One of the other three girls is Ella.

Ella is the flyer for the middle group, seeing as she is the captain. You are on the right and the other group is on the left. Luckily, Rose is a base in your group, so you feel a lot better putting your safety in the hands of someone you already trust with your life.

“ELLA! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” Coach Habbiths voice is piercing, her angry shrieks bouncing off your ear drums. Ella audibly huffs, displaying her frustration with the critiques she has been receiving since we learned the routine weeks ago. That’s one of the biggest problems with Ella, she believes that she's always right.

Every single practice she has done a needle instead of a scale at the end of the routine. It's aggravating for everyone, and that frustration is amplified everytime she makes the same mistake over and over. “Alright, everyone down. group 1 and group 3 take five, Ella and group 2 stay on the field.

The team obliged to her instructions, and you are brought down from the air.

“Okay Ella, I want you to watch how Y/N does the last move, because she’s actually doing it correctly.” Coach is standing in front of you now, and she emphasized the word ‘correctly’. This is much to Ella’s dismay, and much to your excitement.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing Ella’s face when you one up her, and this time is no exception.

Aside from a few eye rolls and nasty looks, Ella corrects the move without much fuss. By now there's 15 minutes until the game, and the players have been warming up on the field for about half an hour.

“Did you see her face!” Rose tugs on your arm while you walk back to the locker room, water bottles in hand.

“I know! I should’ve taken a picture!”

“We can only hope that it knocked her ego down a peg.”

“I doubt it” Rose nodded in agreement and you continued your chatter, talking about the random things that best friends talk about.

“It’s go time ladies!” You jumped in surprise when Coach Habbiths yelling booms through the locker room, the hefty amount of metal in the room enhancing the echo.

In a blur, your entire team rushed out onto the field, the crisp air cooling your warmed skin. There was a huge crowd. probably the biggest the teams ever had. But that makes sense, because this game was against your school's biggest rival. Luckily, despite the huge crowd you were able to lock eyes with those piercing green irises you have gotten to know so well over the past couple months. Everytime you see him he gets more and more attractive, and this time is no exception.

At this point, the teams routine is muscle memory and you’re done with it before you can blink. Most people would think that being thrown in the air is memorable, but your main concern is the growing wet patch on your panties that spreads each time you squeeze your thighs together. Just the thought of the man is enough to turn you on, and now that you’re sitting on the cold metal bench your imagination has time to go wild.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the eruption of appaulause from the audience, and the realization that the other cheerleaders were standing up and running towards the players. You breath out a sigh of relief, recognizing the cheering as a signal that the game has ended.

“Hey, you coming?” Rose tugs on your arm, looking down at you still on the bench.

“Um, actually I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to go home.”

“I should’ve known. You know, one day you’re going to have to go to a party.” Rose places her hands on her hips, giving you a sarcastically annoyed stare.

“And today is not that day.” You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, turning back to Rose for a second. “Have fun and be safe.”

“I always do.” Rose places a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning back to the gathering crowd on the turf.

Instead of heading to the sidewalk and walking home, you duck under the bleachers and walk down the gravel path, pushing open the fence that separates the field and the school. The contents of your backpack slosh around while you sway your hips as you walk. Finally, you make it to the back wall of the school, leaning your back against it and plopping your heavy backpack down by your feet.

And now you wait.

Much to your convenience, the wait this time isn’t long, only five minutes passing before you see the familiar man following the same path you did earlier.

He has a pair of brown slacks on, pressing against his waist courtesy of his black belt. A button up white shirt hides the tattoos on his stomach, but he's rolling up his sleeves as he walks over to you. He's walking with intention, hungry eyes zeroed in on you.

When he’s only steps away, you cheekily bite your lip and use your finger to push up your skirt a little bit more.

Your actions have the intended effect, his eyes blowing wide and hands grasping at your waist.

“Y’can’t do that.”

Before you have a chance to ask what he means, his lips collide with yours, his tongue slipping in only moments after the initial kiss. But as soon as he started, he pulls away.

“Y’can’t be teasing me on the field like tha’, had me hard next t’my friends.” His hand is on the wall above your head, and his other arm is wrapped around your waist pulling you into his chest. He’s panting, and you are too.

“Sorry Mr. Styles,” you push your bottom lip out in a pout, giving him the most innocent look possible. “Just wanted to wear it cause I know how much you like it.”

“Aw, my babygirl wore this f’me? Well I guess y’can be forgiven. Now let’s get t’my house before I fuck yeh right on this wall.” He places a soft kiss to your lips picking up your backpack from the floor and turning to the direction of his car.

“But it hurts!” He turns around again, giving you a sympathetic look and caressing your cheek. The rings on his fingers are cold, but you’re used to the feeling.

“I know sweet girl, but I can’t take care of yeh here, s’too risky.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of a solution to your not so little problem. “How bout I give y’my fingers in the car? Hows that sound hm?” You nod eagerly, pulling his hand down from your cheek and holding it. He takes the signal and begins walking to his car while you follow him.

You never planned to sleep with your bullies dad. But a few months ago your parents dragged you to a family friends housewarming party, and that friend happened to be a friend of Harry’s too. There were no other teenagers there, so your focus was on the attractive older man who had been checking you out since you first locked eyes, and after ending up in the upstairs bathroom together the two of you have been fucking at least twice a week. You only learned that he’s a dad when you saw him for the first time outside the party. He didn’t look the part, and you actually thought he was in his 20s until he corrected you. He’s 38, having become a parent at only 20 years old. Your relationship is a bit taboo, but you’re a mature 18 year old and you and Harry get along well. So well that your time together has developed from casual sex to a mutually exclusive relationship. (Neither of you like labels, but you’re basically boyfriend and girlfriend).

He makes you really happy, and when you have to face off against Ella, it helps knowing that you have power over her, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Did she do anything today?” Harry is walking beside you, hands still intertwined.

“Besides spilling coffee on my shirt, nothing much.” Harry sighs in frustration and squeezes your hand as a show of affection.

“M’so sorry, I wish y’didn’t ‘ave to deal with her.”

The thing about Harry and Ella is they can barely be considered family. Ella’s mom is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. She’s snobby, conceited, and rude, and those behaviors have rubbed off on Ella. Another thing that rubbed off on her was her mom’s hatred for Harry. Being young parents put strain on their already struggling relationship, and they split before Ella’s first birthday. Harry said he tried his best to make it work for Ella’s sake, but her mom was looking for someone to pay for her life, and Harry had just started working his way up as a businessman.

Now, he’s a CEO, but luckily Ella’s mom already found a new beau with plenty of money, so she didn’t come crawling back to him. However, the success Harry achieved only a few years after their breakup made her jealous, and so she instilled that anger in their daughter. So currently Ella spends most of her time with her mother, and when she is with Harry she doesn’t treat him kindly.

“It’s not your fault Harry, you don’t have to apologize for her actions.”

“I know, I jus’ hate tha’ she treats yeh like that.” He sighs again, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys. In a few more steps you’re standing outside the sleek black suv, walking around to the passenger seat and sliding in once you hear the click of the door unlocking.

You both take a few seconds to breathe, an unspoken gesture to prepare for the night's events. Harry turns to you, a sexy smirk plastered on his face. “What d’ya think about fixin’ that ache darlin?” You nod eagerly, sliding down a bit in your seat to give your legs room to spread. “Think yeh can take off y’skirt fo’me?” Your head bobs once again as you nod, hooking your fingers under the elastic waistband and shimmying out of the skirt. While you’re doing that, Harry turns the car into the deserted street, using only one hand to steer.

You toss the tiny skirt into his lap, giving him a signal without distracting his eyes from the road. He reacts immediately, his free hand coming down to squeeze your thigh. You mewl at the contact and bite down on your lip, trying to stop your hips from bucking up in search of relief. His squeezes move up your thigh, and finally his fingers press against your weeping cunt. Swiftly, he pushes your soiled panties to the side, swiping his fingers up your folds collecting your juices. You shriek and buck your hips up into his hand, but much to your dismay he removes it from between your thighs. The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Harry takes the moment to look at you, his eyes wandering your squirming body. He’s practically drooling when he places his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweet wetness.

“Sorry pup, jus’ needed t’taste yeh.” He chuckles again, and you whine softly in desperation. In one quick motion, he dives his hand back to your pussy, pressing his thumb on your swollen clit.

“Fuck!” The pleasure shoots up your spine, goosebumps raising across your body as he rubs circles on the puffy button. “Harry- please,”

“What d’ya want puppy? Want m’fingers?”

“Yes, yes,” you breathe out, words barely comprehensible through your panting.

“Alright, alright, I gotcha.” And with that his two fingers press into you, filling your tight hole perfectly. There is no hesitation before he begins pumping the digits in and out of you and his thumb never lets up on your bundle of nerves. “Such a needy puppy, got yeh soaking f’me from out in the stands hm?” His eyes are still on the road, but you can picture the lust filled eyes that are undoubtedly on his face.

“Get so wet jus- just thinkin’ about you,” you gasp, writhing as his fingers slam in and out of you.

“Yeah? This is my cunt, m’the only one who can make yeh this wet, isn’t tha’ right?”

“Only Harry.” At your confirmation he speeds his hand up, your vision clouding with white spots as the knot building in your stomach grows tighter and tighter.

All of a sudden, he pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you empty. “Wha-” You begin to question him but you realize that he’s pulling into his driveway. Instead of complaining, you sit up quickly and unbuckle your seatbelt, pulling your skirt back up your legs to avoid being nude on his front lawn.

As soon as you feel the little jolt your hand yanks on the handle and you hop out of the car. Your brain is fuzzy with need and all you are focused on is alleviating the aching between your thighs. You hear Harry lock the car while you're on the steps, and you turn back to ensure that he’s behind you. And sure enough, he’s hot on your trail, just as eager as you to get inside and onto his bed. Your foot is tapping on the ground anxiously, waiting for Harry to unlock the front door. After what seems like an hour, he is next to you again, fumbling with the silver keychain in his hand, eventually unlocking and pushing open the door. You both practically run inside, hands roaming each other's bodies and lips locking as you shuffle through the hall.

You disconnect breathlessly when you reach the stairs, subconsciously wrapping your hands around Harry’s neck so he can pick you up bridal style. He does so hastily, barely a second passing before he’s plopping you onto the fluffy mattress. “Finally,” he pants, hands fumbling with his belt buckle. There’s a prominent bulge in his trousers, and although you’ve seen it plenty, you are always in awe at how thick and big he is. While he’s busy removing his clothes, you are practically drooling at the sight of his bare cock, full, heavy, and dripping precome.

“Harry?”

He looks back down at you with his emerald green eyes, simultaneously dropping his recently-removed shirt on the floor. “Can I ride you?” The look he gives you is indescribable, a mixture of need, lust, cockiness, and beauty all rolled up into one.

“Whatever y’want puppy,” His hands scoop under your ass, and he lifts you up and switches your positions. Now it’s your turn to undress, and Harry makes himself busy by running his hands up and down your torso. “So gorgeous, y’know that?” You nod quickly then pull your shirt off of your head. “Most beautiful girl in the world I reckon.” You blush at the compliment, butterflies being added to the many sensations occuring in your body. You straddle his thighs, wrapping your hand around his length and tugging a few times. A loud groan rumbles through his throat, and you smile knowing you’re the one who made him feel like that. “Thought- thought yeh said y’wanted to ride me pup.”

“I do.” You keep your hand on his cock, sitting up on your knees and lining him up with your weeping cunt. All at once, your body is put at ease as his cock fills you up perfectly. He bottoms out inside of you, both of you moaning and groaning while you adjust. “So big-” Your words come out in choppy pants, the syllables being cut off by your heaves. You suck in one deep breath and move upwards, sinking back down onto him quickly. His large hands hold a tight grip on your waist, guiding you up and down his member. His lips attach to your neck, suckling on the supple skin just enough so that it doesn’t bruise.

“What a dirty little puppy you are,” he growls, eyes focusing heavily on where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside of you as you bounce up and down on his cock.

“Feel so full-” Tingles ricochet down every part of your body, and your legs are becoming weaker with each movement. Harry can feel your movement faltering, so his hips thrust upwards to meet yours, fucking you from underneath. “Harry!”

“I know pup, I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek and he leans in for another kiss, devouring your plump lips and swirling his tongue around yours. “So fuckin tight,” The words tumble from his mouth in a low growl, which sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. His cock twitches inside of you, encouraging you to muster all your energy and finish both of you off. Adrenaline kicks in and your strength returns, riding him faster and harder than before. “Let go f’me Y/N.” It only takes a few more thrusts for you to come undone, Harry’s orgasm following suit. The waves of pleasure roll through your body, and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you allow the feeling to overcome your body. Spurts of his hot cum cover your velvety walls and you ride out your orgasms together, resting your foreheads against one another.

You end up sleeping at his house, feeling safe knowing that Ella is staying with her mom today. It’s normal for you to sleep at his place, seeing as both of you are usually so tired that you pass out before you can leave. What isn’t normal is for you to be woken up in the morning by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry is a deep sleeper, and you laugh at the sight of him conked out while his ringtone blares on the nightstand just a few inches away. Carefully, you reach over his sleeping body and grab the phone, planning on hanging it up and going back to bed. However, when you saw that it was Ella calling, you changed your mind. Making a split second decision, you slide the icon to the right, holding it up to your ear.

“Hello?” Her whiney voice rings through your eardrum and you wince. Not the nicest thing to be woken up to.

“Hello,” you answer, your voice not reflecting the cocky grin that spread across your face.

“Who the hell is this!” she shrieks, and you make a mental note that she must not be a morning person.

“A friend of your dads.” Your response is once again calm and monotone, trying to stifle the laugh that is bubbling in your throat.

“Ugh! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”

[plant-flwrs]

Hiii, i love your writing. I was wondering if you could do a remus lupin imagine. Were its mutual pinnin but they dont know the other like them. And sirus gets tired of it and takes pollyjuice to look like remus and get you to confess🥺

under the mistletoe // remus lupin

masterlist!

a/n: oh my god i’ve been non-stop reading atyd and it is my new obsession. it’s completely canon to me now. ty for ur request! i used they/them pronouns because you didn’t specify, so i hope that’s alright <3 oh! also! im gonna try this new thing w my fics to see if they flow better that way; instead of just jumping in time i’ll put a little indicator (-). wanted to try it out, dunno if i’ll keep using it. i’m so excited for christmas and this put me in an even more christmasy mood omg

summary: Staying at Hogwarts for the holidays seemed like the best way to avoid distractions, but with the Marauders there, distractions were guaranteed. Especially when your crush on Remus proves to be incredibly distracting.

cw: underage drinking (hangover vomiting), swearing (harmless, classic Sirius things)

(8k) (haven’t written this much in so long wow i forgot i could)

----------

The Gryffindor common room was your most favorite place in Hogwarts. It was warm and comforting, and you had some of your best memories there. With just a glance around the room you could feel your entire school career in just one room. 

Though, now that you were in your sixth year, it wasn’t the leisurely place it used to be. 

All around you, books touched any bare surface there was. N.E.W.T.’s were sooner than you’d like, sooner than anyone liked, and you were filled with anxiety. You knew your strenuous studying was a bit soon, but you felt like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You felt so stressed, in fact, that not even Lily Evans could convince you to go home for the holidays that Christmas. 

“Exams are months away, Y/n!” she sighed as you fell down onto the couch beside her, narrowly returning before curfew from the library, “You ought to enjoy Christmas.”

“I will enjoy it. Here,” you said, rolling your head back and closing your eyes.

You felt sore, as if you had run a marathon, but you had been locked away in the library all day. 

Part of you, the smallest part, blamed Remus Lupin for this newfound obsession. Your fellow Gryffindor, the most studious boy in your year, was the initial reason for your new studying habits. You had started going to the library in an attempt to steal glances at him, an innocent crush that you most definitely let overcome you.

Remus had always gone to the library, you knew that, but ever since your O.W.L.’s he seemed to take extra pride in his work. You couldn’t blame him for secluding himself in the library, for that was the only place on campus that it seemed his rowdy friends did not go. 

“You can’t enjoy Christmas alone,” Lily tutted, pulling the massive textbook off your lap and putting it on the table in front of you.

“You’re staying for the holidays, too?” 

Sirius had just bounded down the stairs from the boys dormitories, his usual mischievous smirk on his face. 

“Yes, they are,” Lily answered for you, turning to look at Sirius as he hovered behind you near the stairs.

“Well, that’s lucky,” he said, acting as if he had a secret he took pride in no one else knowing.

“Why is that, Sirius?” Lily sighed, becoming annoyed.

“Remus, James, Peter, and I are staying, too,” he said, smirk turning into a boyish smile.

“You are?” you opened your eyes and turned to face him, finally.

He met your gaze and nodded excitedly, seeming to already have the Christmas spirit in him.

“So you won’t be alone!” Lily said excitedly, then turned towards Sirius with a more dull tone, “Not the best company, but at least not alone.”

Sirius scoffed in mock offence, scrunching his face up with imaginary tears as he stomped back up the stairs. 

“God, that lot is so bizarre,” she groaned, turning back to you on the couch to see you dozing off.

(-)

Snow fell on the grounds of Hogwarts, and you gazed at it from a fogged up window in the library. 

Lily had gone, Mary had gone, Marlene had gone, just about everyone had gone. You had never stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays before, and you knew not many people did, but you expected more than there were. 

No Slytherins had stayed, which was a welcomed absence from those who did. You knew the two Hufflepuffs that remained, but only because you had classes with them in your fourth year. The Ravenclaws that stayed, there couldn’t have been more than five of them, were often holed up the in the library with you. There were the most Gryffindors, five, including you and the marauders. 

You were almost surprised that James had gone through with staying; Remus had mentioned wonderful things about the Potters and the Christmases they hosted. Still, he was here, cheerful as ever.

As your eyes blurred with tiredness and the window became nearly too fogged to see through, you sighed in frustration.

You missed your family, you missed home, and you really regretted staying at school. You decided to give yourself the day off from studying. With a glance down at your watch, you saw it was nearly lunch time anyways. You had slept in and missed breakfast, coming straight to the library, and your stomach felt empty.

You made your way to the common room, wanting to drop off the heavy books you had accumulated. Mumbling the password to the portrait, you stumbled through without noticing the rowdy conversation coming towards you.

You ran right into James’ chest, stumbling back and already mumbling an apology.

“Y/n?” he asked happily, as if he had been looking for you.

“Hey, guys,” you sighed, forcing a polite smile when all you really wanted to do was collapse on the couch and sleep for days.

“Sirius told us you were staying, but I’d thought you’d changed your mind. Haven’t seen you since the holiday started!” James’s booming and joyful voice made you want to cringe away, but you couldn’t manage anything less than a small smile at his kindness.

 “I’ve been in the library,” you explained, chuckling at the horrified look on three of the four faces.

“You’re worse than I’d thought,” Sirius started, cut off by a sharp elbow to the ribcage by Remus, which only seemed to encourage him.

“We can’t have that,” James finished for him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Oi,” Remus started, casting a sympathetic smile at you as he tried to stop his friends from potentially insulting you.

“Why don’t you come have lunch with us?” Peter squeaked from behind James as he glanced at the two dark-headed boys for some sort of approval, “We were just on our way down.”

“What a great idea, Wormtail!” Sirius boomed, earning himself another elbow to the side from Remus.

You glanced nervously at the boys in front of you, trying to discern if they were setting you up for a joke or teasing you. 

“You don’t have to-” Remus blurted out, his cheeks pink, “-I mean, if you’re busy with your studies. I know how hard your working-”

“Nonsense, Moony!” James smiled, levitating your bag off your shoulder and easily landing it on the floor somewhere behind him, “they have to eat!”

You chuckled, ducking your head down as James slung his arm around your shoulder and escorted you back through the portrait hole. 

You felt lighter immediately. Whether it was the absence of your heavy bag, or the way the boys’ easy conversation and laughter felt so inviting and warm, you did not know. 

The self-pity you had been feeling only a moment ago seemed to go, too. James kept his brotherly arm around your shoulder all the way to the Great Hall, where he split his path and sat across from you. Sirius followed you down the isle, continuing his teasing conversation with Peter. James sat between Remus and Peter, his smile never faltering. He acted as if eating lunch with his mates and their tag-along was the best thing he had ever done. 

Remus was quiet, almost shy, but you knew that. You had known him your entire time at Hogwarts, and the crush you had on him seemed to last that whole time. You had seen him come out of his shell as the years went on, but he didn’t seem nearly as comfortable as when he was with his friends. 

You stifled your laughter with the back of your hand, blushing slightly at Sirius’s rude joke as he bumped his shoulder into yours. You looked down at your plate, pushing around the mashed potatoes that had grown cold.

“Sirius!” Peter yelped, his eyes wide in shock as he nervously glanced to you.

Sirius had made a crude joke, you knew that, but you hadn’t heard it. You and Remus had been meeting in short bursts of eye contact and the small action alone was making your spine shiver. 

You looked up from your potatoes, seeing the boys fading with laughter and delve back into their food. That was something you never understood about boys; they sat down, ate and ate until they were done, and then got to talking. You, Lily, Marlene, and Mary could talk for hours while you ate, but the boys seemed unable to do more than one thing at once.

The thought brought a fond smile to your face, and you felt something bump against your shin. Looking up from your plate, you met Remus’s eyes again. 

“What’s got you smiling?” he asked, his voice kind with a teasing nature behind it.

James looked up from his plate in the middle of shoving what had to be an entire chicken breast in his mouth, and began cooing at you as your cheeks flushed.

“’M just happy you lot stayed,” you blushed, refusing to meet Remus’s eyes, “would have been dreadful without your company.”

Sirius, without missing a beat, threw his arm around your shoulders and drew you into his chest. His large hand went to your head, ruffling up your hair. You cringed away, giggling and attempting to lay your hair smooth.

Everyone’s cheers in agreeance died down, and James roped Sirius into a heated discussion about Quidditch as Peter hung onto his every word. 

“‘M happy you stayed, too,” Remus mumbled from across the table, his head ducked down as a blush was creeping up the back of his neck.

You fought the urge to break the eye contact, giving him a smile so wide that your cheeks burned. 

You all returned to the common room with full stomachs and wide smiles, courtesy of James, who had just announced his newest plan at getting Lily’s attention. You just finished listing off all the reasons she would hate it, and he clambered through the portrait hole with a dazed smile that a lovesick puppy would have.

You trailed behind the boys, watching them all fall onto comfortable couches and armchairs. You looked at your limp backpack indignantly, choosing instead to follow them. 

You curled up in an armchair that was across a large couch occupied by James and Sirius and to the left of another armchair occupied by Peter. Peter leaned forwards to rest his elbows on his knees, setting up a new chess game for him and Remus to play. Remus sat on the ground, eyelevel with the board. He noticed you looking at him and gave you a kind smile that made you look away, blushing. 

The night was spent in leisure. You had barely wanted to get up for dinner, even Sirius suggested making Peter go down to the kitchens so they wouldn’t all have to go to the hall. In the end, you all went, having just as much of a good time as you did at lunch. 

You wished them a goodnight after you fell asleep watching Sirius and Remus levitating the most valuable things they could find in the room, sending Peter into anxious fits every time they pretended to loose their balance. You groggily walked up the stairs to the dormitories, leaving your homework downstairs with a satisfied sigh. 

For a few moments before you fell asleep again, Remus’s brilliant and bright smile was burned behind your eyes. 

(-)

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sirius groaned, throwing himself dramatically onto the couch with a huff.

“Shud up,” Remus groaned, falling into the armchair you had been sitting in. He could smell you on the chair, your scent floating into his nose like it was intoxicating.

“Really botched that one, mate,” James said with a chuckle, picking up a few of his Quidditch magazines off of the floor and putting them back on the coffee table, where Peter had accidentally knocked them off.

“Romance is confusing! How was I supposed to know?!” Remus groaned, lifting his head from his hands with a desperate look.

James gave him a knowing smirk, and Sirius groaned again.

“It was obvious! You always offer to walk a romantic interest home,” Sirius said, twirling his wand in his hand.

“They were just going upstairs,” Peter mumbled, seeming to agree with Remus.

“It’s alright, Moony,” James said, standing from the couch with a look of determination, “you’ve got all week to seduce them.”

“Shud up,” Remus groaned, repeating his request from earlier.

His eyes fell to the stairs you had climbed moments ago, remembering the peaceful look on your face as you slept, the adorable stretch you did once you woke up, the tired way you climbed the stairs, and that beautiful smile you gave them when you said goodnight.

Remus decided to stay in the common room for a bit longer once his friends had went upstairs, trying to force every second from the time you spent together that day into his memory permanently. 

(-)

You woke up feeling more rested than you had in weeks. The sun was barely in the sky when you opened the curtains, your unusually empty room flooded with orange light. You dressed quickly, donning muggle clothes that you found incredibly comfortable. 

You went down to the common room, seeing that the mess the boys had made last night was either cleaned by them or house elves. There was no sign of life in the Gryffindor tower, besides yourself, so you assumed the four were still soundly asleep upstairs. 

You found your backpack, overflowing with loose papers, and shrugged it onto your shoulders. You had decided to get some work done today, seeing as your day off the day before was not scheduled.

You ate a quick breakfast in the empty hall, finding it odd and strangely discomforting to be in such a large room by yourself. It felt as if you were out past curfew.

The library was the same case. Madam Pince was not even at her desk yet, and you settled into a table by the window. You opened it a sliver, enjoying the cold winter air that seeped into the room. The sunlight warmed you, and the wind was gentle enough to not rustle your papers. 

You dove into your work, feeling considerably better than yesterday, or the past month. Your muscles were loose, and the pressure you had been putting on yourself was no longer there. One night of fun proved to be harmless, and so did the marauders. 

You smiled at the thought of it, at the thought of your little day with Remus. He had been so kind to you, so funny and charming. You had never liked someone as much as you liked Remus. 

You found your gaze drifting out the window, looking past the castle and Hagrid’s hut and out into the Forbidden Forest. You couldn’t think of anything but the curly headed, dirty blonde boy. The way his eyes nervously darted to yours, his sheepish smile. The way he could easily make James, Sirius, and Peter fall into doubled-over laughter, almost as if good-naturedness came to him as easily as walking did. 

The sun rose in the sky, and it was almost time for lunch. Even with your mind distracted, you had gotten done more work than you had expected. You decided that if the boys asked you to have lunch with them again, you wouldn’t decline.

It was as if your thoughts were read, because just as you were organizing your papers to put them away, Remus walked into the library. You fumbled a bit, realizing you smudged some fresh ink on your newly written Potions notes. You didn’t care, though, smiling widely and waving Remus over.

“Alright?” he asked groggily, rubbing his eyes as if he had just woken up.

“Yeah, you?” you couldn’t help but stare at him. His voice was deep and thick with sleep, and he pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his slender hands. He had a muggle novel tucked under his arm, and he put it on the table as he sat down across from you.

“Eh,” he started, looking at you with slight amusement, “James woke up at the crack of dawn to go to the pitch, and he woke up Sirius when he did. Sirius is a git if he gets woken up before noon.”

“That’s not a surprising piece of information,” you chuckled, setting down your papers and getting comfortable in your seat again.

“Yeah, best to stay out of the dorm when Sirius is in a mood. Peter went to ask for some extension on a paper he forgot to do,” Remus smiled fondly at his friends flaws, opening his book and propping it on his knee, “so I figured I’d come find you.”

“You found me,” you opened your ink bottle and dipped your quill into it, going over your Potions notes and fixing the smudged ink.

You were a bit disappointed by Remus’s reasons for coming to see you. Part of you had hoped he missed you, or enjoyed your presence. But the truth was that you were his only other option for company. Your chest deflated slightly as you stole a glance at him only to find him deeply invested in his book. Many conversation starters bubbled in your throat but you couldn’t bring yourself to voice any of them.

It was about an hour of silence in the library before Remus suggested lunch. He helped you pack up your things, humming under his breath as he led the way out of the library. 

Lunch was soup, which you didn’t mind too much. Sirius was already at the table with James when you arrived. Remus sat next to you, across from his friends.

Sirius had his head propped up in his hand, lazily bringing soup to his mouth before dropping the spoon into the bowl with a clatter as his eyes fluttered shut. James rolled his eyes, shoving the bowl of soup away from him and wiping up the splattered mess from the table. 

James eagerly dove into a cheery conversation about his solo Quidditch practice, and Remus reluctantly listened. You felt as exhausted as Sirius looked, even though you had a wonderful nights sleep. You hadn’t felt so tired until your upsetting thoughts about Remus, but now you could barely keep your eyes open. You hadn’t been sitting for more than ten minutes, your soup was barely eaten, but you just wanted to curl up in your dorm.

Peter came into the hall, filing down the row where you had Remus were sitting. He was getting close, and you stood.

“Here, Peter, have my seat,” you said, slowly standing as James’ face contorted with confusion. You could see him working out pleas for you to stay, and your heart warmed a bit. 

“I’m gonna have a lay down,” you excused, not waiting for Sirius’s head to lift from his hand or for James to suggest all of you walking back together.

As you walked away, you heard Peter begin to chat about his essay extension. 

(-)

Remus knew he had done something wrong. He knew it. 

You had seemed happy to see him, you smiled at him, you were friendly, but at some point he said something to make you close off. He was looking forward to spending the morning in the library with you. He had made up the excuse of getting out of the dorm, knowing that with Pete and James gone and Sirius out cold, it would be fairly peaceful. Remus, however, wanted to see you. 

You looked heavenly dressed in casual muggle clothes with the morning sun lighting your face. He was happy to sit with you, but you didn’t seem happy to sit with him. 

He wondered if you were bothered by him and his friends. If yesterday hadn’t been as fun as he thought it was, and if you just wanted to be left alone. He felt a surge of annoyance with James for being so forward, but quickly drowned that out. It wasn’t James’s fault. 

Remus stared into his bowl of soup, not listening to Pete as he complained about the essay he had to write. 

James indulged Pete, listening to his complaints with sympathy as he dipped his bread into his soup. Sirius, however, could not be bothered. 

He had come to attention when you left the table, watching your hunched shoulders and nervous hands pushing your hair off your face. He had even caught your sad glance over you shoulder at Remus before you finally turned to go upstairs. Sirius was thinking, he was thinking hard. He could read you and Remus like an open book. He had known you liked Remus since you started showing up to the library whenever Remus did, no matter how subtle you thought you were being. 

Sirius looked at his friend, confusion knitted in his eyebrows as he hunched over his food. He gasped silently, catching James’s attention, as his eyes lit up with an idea. 

(-)

For the next couple of days, it was not hard to avoid your fellow housemates. James and Sirius seemed to be sneaking off as often as they could, clutching their cloaks close to them as if they had something underneath them. 

You avoided Remus, who presumably only had Pete to keep him company now, by staying in your dorm. The library wasn’t the only place you could study, and you spread your books all across Lily’s bed. You had begun to enjoy studying in your dorm, it was private and quiet, with no Madam Pince staring you down from her desk. 

It wasn’t that you disliked the marauders’ company, because you didn’t. You really liked hanging out with the boys. You had just wanted to prevent any more heartache when hanging out with Remus. You had obsessed over your last interaction in the library, convincing yourself it would be best to stay away from the boy as to not attach yourself any further. 

It was nearing the weekend, Christmas on the upcoming Saturday. You didn’t want to be in solitude on Christmas, but your pride prevented you from asking to hang out with the boys. You didn’t know what Sirius and James were up to, and you didn’t want to know. You didn’t feel like hanging out with Peter, because being in his presence alone made you just as anxious as he was. And Remus, Remus was an entirely different story. Just seeing Remus made your heart race unnervingly. 

On Thursday night, you crept down the dormitory stairs and into the common room. You stopped and waited to hear for Peter and Remus, but it seemed they were still in their room. You were going down for an early dinner, hoping to eat quickly before everyone else came down. 

You seemed to be successful, your plate was nearly cleared and there was no sign of anyone else. You were serving yourself pudding, your favorite pudding, when someone sat across from you.

You looked up. Your throat closed involuntarily, and your spoon froze on it’s way to your mouth. You straightened your back, eyes widening at the sight of him, and wiped your mouth nervously with your napkin.

“Hey, Remus,” you said, smiling politely at him as he began to dish himself food, “where are the rest of the boys?”

“Just me,” he said, his voice sounding a little higher than usual.

“Are you alright?” you watched him carefully as you noticed his posture was straighter than usual.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, looking at you now.

You looked at him, squinting your eyes. He seemed off, but you figured he could be nervous without his friends around.

“Okay,” you trailed off, returning to your pudding.

“Haven’t seen you much, recently,” he said confidently, the usual softness in his voice absent.

“I’ve just been up in my dorm,” you said, still gazing at him cautiously.

“Don’t want to spend time with Sirius, James, and I?”

You bit your lip, looking at him with a serious expression. Remus never excluded Peter when he was talking about his friends, but Sirius often did. You noted it, unsure what that could mean. Had Remus asked Sirius on advice at how to talk to you? The thought made you suppress nervous giggles. 

“No, it’s not that,” you felt your cheeks warm under his blatant stare, “you know how crazy I am about the N.E.W.T.’s.”

Remus chuckled under his breath, slowly eating his pudding. This was also weird, because Remus usually devoured any food in front of him as if he was a starving animal. 

“Remus, are you sure your alright?” you squinted at him, dropping your spoon and propping your chin up with your hand.

“Yes, I’m fine,” he said nonchalantly, squinting back at you.

He had remarkably less patience and ease than usual. 

“Okay, well, I’m done eating. I think I’ll go back to the tower now,” you stood slowly, watching his face contort with urgency.

“Wait!” he called, standing too, “wait, come sit for a second.”

You joined him again, clearly suspicious. You wondered if he was distracting you while the boys set up a prank.

“I need to ask you something,” he whispered seriously, leaning closer to you over the table.

“What?”

“Do you fancy me?” he smirked at you, mischief in his eyes. 

At first you wanted to shrink away, blush madly and sputter out lies to conceal your true feelings. But you didn’t. You kept his stare, a blank face looking into his daring one. You decided to make a guess.

“Sirius?” you said confidently, so it didn’t sound like a wild guess. You knew it was crazy. Surely, Sirius would never transfigure into his best friend to eat dinner alone with you and ask him about your feelings for him. Surely.

“How did you know!?” he asked, his voice now completely Sirius’s instead of his weird imitation of Remus’s voice. 

“What!?” you questioned back, surprised that you were right, “It’s actually you, Sirius?”

Sirius’s face, well, still Remus’s face, dropped with disappointment, upset that he gave himself away. 

“Yes,” he mumbled, moving his hand to tuck his hair behind his ear, only to remember Remus’s hair wasn’t that long.

“What are you playing at? How did you do this?” you motioned your hands at him, sounding more amazed than angry. 

“Polyjuice Potion,” he said mischievously, his eyes meeting yours at the tone of your voice.

“That’s really advance stuff, Sirius,” you said, slightly impressed as you leaned back and crossed your arms.

“I had some help,” he said sneakily, and suddenly what he and James had been sneaking off for made sense.

“Are you two planning something? Testing out the costume on me?” you said excitedly, hoping the boys would let you in on whatever prank they had planned.

“Well, about that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “you sort of were the plan.”

You looked at him, confused. It felt weird to be talking so casually with Remus, and you fought the urge to blush every time he looked at you, knowing it was actually Sirius.

“I know you fancy Remus,” Sirius said, sounding a bit guilty.

This time, you could not resist shrinking away and blushing. You looked down at your lap, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

“But,” Sirius started again, his voice oddly comforting and kind, “I know Remus likes you, too.”

Your eyes shot up to meet Sirius’s, your face becoming somehow even more flushed.

“You were trying to get me to admit it to you? That I like him?” you asked him, heart racing.

“I just wanted you to confirm it,” he said, sounding even more guilty, “I didn’t want to try and set you two up if you didn’t like him back-”

“Set us up?!” you interrupted, eyes wide.

“Yeah,” he said casually.

“How do you plan on doing that, then?” You tried to sound annoyed in an attempt to hide just how excited you were.

Sirius had waved over James immediately, who has hiding behind a pillar in the courtyard looking in on you and Sirius. The two began talking almost as animatedly as two schoolgirls stricken with an exciting prospect of romance. 

You watched, lazily propping your chin on your hand as they rambled on about the ways they thought you should confront Remus.

James had been quite keen on them influencing Remus to confront you, and Sirius reckoned you ought to “grow a pair” and kiss him yourself. James was nearly affronted by the idea, insisting on a classic and romantic gesture from Remus’s behalf. 

Either way, you couldn’t fight an embarrassed blush that seemed permanently glued onto your cheeks. You swallowed heavily at any mention of kissing, which was being discussed at length. You had half a mind to stop the hopeful ramblings, but James and Sirius were Remus’s best friends, they had to be somewhat right about his feelings for you.

The conversation got remarkably easier, too, once the potion had warn off and it was Sirius in front of you instead of a fake Remus.

You looked into the courtyard, enjoying the cold air lofting into the room through the open doors, when you noticed Remus and Peter entering the room. The cold air had been helping in cooling your cheeks, but at the sight of Remus’s wide and carefree smile, they warmed immediately. 

“Shut up!” you mumbled harshly to the still ranting dark-haired boys in front of you, kicking them each in the shin for good measure. 

They looked offended, but Sirius caught your eye and smirked once he realized why they were silenced.

“Have you guys eaten already?” Peter asked, sounding disappointed as he sat next to you and saw your empty bowl of pudding. 

“Just had an early lunch,” James said merrily, moving to scoop himself another bowl of pudding after he had eaten an entire lunch while he and Sirius were talking, “but we’ll stay while you guys eat.”

You swallowed hard, looking at James with wide eyes as he quirked an eyebrow at you. You were planning on leaving the second Remus sat between James and Sirius, right across from you, but now you couldn’t be so obvious. 

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Y/n,” Peter mumbled from beside you, stuffing his face with a large heaping of peas.

You looked to Remus almost automatically, only to see him looking questioningly at you. You couldn’t resist the small smile that flirted on your lips as he averted your gaze quickly.

“I can’t get much work done with you lot around,” you teased, clearing the table in front of you and resting your elbows there, “I’ve been in my dorm, most days.”

“What about for Christmas?” Peter pried curiously, “Will you leave your dorm for Christmas?”

“Of course they will!” James boomed from across the table, causing a few tired looking Ravenclaws who were just coming in to glare at him apprehensively, “Starting Christmas Eve, they won’t be able to get rid of us.”

“Oh,” you looked to him, eyebrows raised in entertainment, “I won’t?”

Remus looked between you and James with an excited smile.

“Of course not,” Sirius said for James, picking a carrot off of Peter’s plate from across the table.

“For a limited time,” James said mysteriously, “you will have the honor of becoming a temporary Marauder.”

“They what?” Peter said from his goblet of pumpkin juice, causing some to splash back in his face.

“Peter!” Sirius groaned, annoyed with the boy, “Get in the holiday spirit!”

“Don’t worry Pete, just for a limited time. The holidays are a season of extending great charity to others,” James said, talking with humor in his tone.

“Charity?” you repeated, an amused smile on your face.

“We don’t let in just anyone,” Remus said, looking only at you.

When your eyes met his, you felt all the air leave your lungs. Your jaw clenched in an attempt to gather some sort of consciousness, but all you could do was look back at Remus. 

“That’s true, ‘tis a great honor,” Sirius had raised his goblet in some sort of toast, and you had barely noticed until Remus was raising his glass.

You broke the contact, finally, and sputtered for a moment before you could find your goblet on the table. You rose it, hoping to lower it quickly as you noticed a slight tremble in your hand. Remus connected his goblet with yours gently, looking at you again while you were intent on avoiding his eyes. He had some sort of knowing smile on his face, and you felt very exposed to him. It felt like he was reaching in your chest and squeezing your heart for his own pleasure, and it scared you to know you could not tell him to stop. 

(-)

Christmas Eve was very celebrated amongst the boys. 

So celebrated, in fact, that Sirius insisted Christmas morning was a day for hangovers. 

He had brought out the firewhisky fairly early into the afternoon. James had looked at him with nervousness, but nonetheless took a heaping sip when offered a glass. You sipped casually, not feeling all too comfortable with the chaos that seemed to lurk in Sirius’s eyes. 

By the time the sun was beneath the horizon, Sirius and James were dancing some sort of Irish jig on a table, and Peter was very angrily talking to himself in a mirror. You and Remus, neither of you having very much to drink, sat comfortably on a couch, watching the night unfold.

“Why aren’t you drinking with them?” you asked Remus, glancing at his full cup and tensed shoulders.

He glanced down at you, nervously biting his lip and running a hand through his hair. Oh, how you wanted to touch his hair. 

“I don’t really feel like being hungover on Christmas,” he said, noticing your full cup as well, “what about you?”

“I don’t think Lily would ever forgive me if she found out I got drunk with you lot on Christmas Eve,” you teased, smiling to yourself at the fond thought of your friend.

“I miss Lily,” Remus remarked simply, bringing his cup to his lips and taking a large gulp.

“Me too,” you sighed, doing the same and hoping it would ease your nerves, “she wrote to me yesterday. She’s having a lovely Christmas. Her sister is being awful, but that’s per usual.”

You and Remus shared a knowing smile, both thinking of the complaints you had heard from Lily about her sister. 

“Have you written back yet?”

“No, not yet. I was going to wait until after Christmas,” you were waiting to write Lily back so you could thank her first for the undoubtedly wonderful present she got you. You didn’t know how, but Lily Evans always gave the most thoughtful presents. 

“When you do, tell her we miss her,” Remus said softly, his cheeks beginning to flush pink as he watched with a smile his friends dancing. 

You nodded, ducking your head to hide a smile.

“Oi!” James yelled, stopping his dance suddenly. 

You and Remus froze as he looked at the pair of you, each wearing an entertained smile. James hopped off the table with ease, as if he was not drunk out of his mind and as if the table wasn’t a good four feet off the ground.

“Come dance,” James said once he finally reached the both of you, though, only offering you his hand.

He waved his wand at a muggle radio they had in the corner, and the volume increased. Sirius smiled widely, refreshing his drink with the dwindling amount of firewhisky left. You cautiously took James’s hand, letting him spin you as you giggled.

James caught Remus’s eye, the blonde boy watching you with adoration. James pulled you close, resting one hand on your shoulder as the other held your hand, and leaned in close to your ear.

“Moony is watching you,” he slurred, sounding excited, “I reckon he’ll make a move tonight if Sirius doesn’t finish all the liquor for himself!”

James pulled away, giggling once again like a schoolgirl. You could not help his infectious laughter, your forehead falling onto his shoulder as you laughed loudly. As if on que, Remus stood and walked with determination to Sirius. He took Sirius’s goblet and downed it, smiling widely and accomplishedly afterwards. He climbed on the table with Sirius, who had long forgotten about his stolen alcohol, and began awkwardly moving his lanky body in a way that could be called dancing in the most generous of terms. This made you laugh even more, and James had to nearly fully support your weight as your knees buckled with your hard laughter.

It was shaping up to be a lovely Christmas Eve.

(-)

Christmas, as Sirius had predicted, was a morning for hangovers. You had barely glanced at your mounds of presents at the foot of your bed, instead throwing on your warmest sweater and going immediately to breakfast.

It had been decorated, as it had all week, with great care. Today, however, the tree had been alit with wonderful and delicate decorations, sparkling under the enchanted ceiling. The entire room somehow smelled of pine, and the warm feeling of a fireplace shot down your spine when you sat down.

You cradled a cup of tea, hunching over and fighting the urge to fall back asleep at the table. You couldn’t bear to look at food yet, regretting the glasses you drank once Sirius had found that second bottle of firewhisky. 

There was no sign of life in the castle, besides the lovely decorations, and you found yourself grateful. 

It was as if, however, that you cursed yourself the second you thought this.

“Merry Christmas, Y/n!” James shouted from the entry way of the castle, his loud voice assaulting your ears even from such a distance. Beside him, Peter, Sirius, and Remus cringed away in pain, shrinking down and walking past him into the hall.

“Bloody. Fucking. Hell,” Sirius groaned once he sat down next to you, his head hitting the table as soon as he was still.

Remus sat on the other side of you, going at once for heaping servings of the hot food. You swallowed the vomit in your throat at the sight of so much food, forcing your eyes deep into your tea. James happily sat down next to Peter on the other side of the table, patting his friend merrily on the back. Peter winced audibly, a pained look on his face.

“How are you not hungover?” you whispered once you were sure you would not vomit.

“He never gets hungover,” Remus groaned from beside you, his mouth full of beans.

“Never?” you repeated, wincing as you reached for more tea.

“Never!” James said happily, obviously enjoying his wonderful, wonderful gift.

“Oi!” Sirius groaned, his head still buried in his arms.

James smiled.

“Eating helps, really,” Remus said from beside you, glancing an earnest look at you as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Mmmmm,” you groaned in response, ducking your head down as Sirius was doing to avoid vomiting.

“What a lovely Christmas this will be!” James said, earning a unanimous groan in response.

(-)

Getting back to the tower was a slow and painful process that included many bathroom breaks and headaches. You and Sirius had both ducked into the loo twice each to vomit, and James supposed it had something to do with climbing the stairs. Peter was limping for some reason, though you could not remember him hurting either of his legs the night before. Remus was nearly as recovered as James, just looking a bit tired.

After you were sure you had emptied your stomach of the tea you drank for breakfast, you were feeling a bit better. Your legs felt a little wobbly, and Remus must have noticed, because he offered his arm for you to steady yourself on as you walked along. Your mind was so foggy you almost had not noticed, but his strong arm beneath your fingers was enough to clear you up a little. You held him close to you, hoping the hangover was excuse enough. James gave you and encouraging smile, nodding enthusiastically. You were sure Sirius would be giving you a smirk if he wasn’t basically crawling down the halls. 

Once you reached the common room, Remus had not retracted his arm. In fact, he had interlocked his hand with yours, still with your arms looped, and led you over to a couch. He sat very close to you and still did not remove himself from your grasp even as you were sitting. You felt so comfortable and warm next to him, you could not help but close your eyes and let your head fall on his shoulder. 

(-)

James retreated upstairs with Peter. Peter had wanted a quick and undisturbed nap, and James returned downstairs a few moments later with his practice Quidditch robes on. Sirius had collapsed on an armchair the second he crawled into the room, and showed no indication of life as he fell into a deep sleep. James gave Remus an encouraging smile and two thumbs up, but did not dare to speak in case you weren’t asleep. Remus rolled his eyes, but was truly quite happy with the position he had found himself in.  

Your arms were looped, hands intertwined, and your head rested delicately on his shoulder. He leaned his head against yours, breathing in the smell of your shampoo. 

He had wanted to stay there forever.

(-)

When they all awoke, James was out of his Quidditch robes and in a thick wool sweater. He was polishing his broom with what looked like a new polishing set, perched on the armrest of a couch across from you and Remus. You had woken up when Sirius did, his loud yawns and stretches filling the room. When you lifted your head, you bumped into Remus’s head, and he woke up. Your cheek felt sore from pressing into his strong shoulder, and you looked down at you hands to see them still interlocked. You were sweaty and tired, but Remus looked down at you sleepily with complete happiness.

“Happy Christmas, you lazy bones,” James tutted like a mother would, putting down his broom and standing.

“Happy Christmas,” Remus said, smiling widely. 

You sat up, removing yourself from Remus. He untangled your arms, removing his hand from yours. You felt sad at the absence, looking down at your lonely hand. Remus was looking too, and when you met his eyes he bit his bottom lip. With some slight hesitation, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you in for a side hug. You lingered, and he made no move to pull away, so you stayed there, tucked under his arm.

“I never looked at my presents this morning,” Sirius said, standing from his chair and motioning for James to follow him.

“Neither did I,” you said to Remus only, hearing the other two retreating upstairs.

“Want me to walk you up to your dorm?” he offered, adjusting his body so he could see your face.

You uncurled from him, nodding excitedly.

You stood from the couch, walking over to the stairs. You waited for Remus, watching as he slowly stood and stretched. You leaned against the door frame, supporting yourself on your hands behind you. Remus came over to you, walking slowly with a sleepy and dazed look on his face.

“Happy Christmas,” he repeated, only to you this time.

“Happy Christmas,” you said, smiling at him as he leaned against the door frame opposite of you. 

It was a narrow space, and there were only a few inches between you two, but neither of you made any movement. You wanted to go upstairs and see what your family had sent, what Lily had given you, what all your friends had given you, but you couldn’t tear yourself from the handsome boy in front of you. 

Your eyes danced all over his face, admiring his curly and unkempt hair that fell into his dark and kind eyes, his sharp jaw that you wanted to run your fingers across, his soft lips.

You were both so entrance in each other, that neither of you had noticed the greenery sprouting from the door frame above you. It was mistletoe, sprouting from the wooden door frame between you and Remus. Remus noticed, his eyes darting up at it. He looked down at you, seeing you had not noticed it, and chuckled.

This seemed to snap you out of it, and you stood upright, coming closer to Remus. You looked up at the growing plant, eyes widening when you saw the red berry forming before your eyes.

“Mistletoe?” Remus chuckled, entertained as he reached up and brushed it delicately with his slender fingers.

“Is it?” you managed to say, watching his hand.

“It is,” he said, retracting his hand and bringing it to rest on your cheek.

He gently cupped your face, pulling you close to him until your chests met and neither of your backs were touching the door frame. You closed the distance, meeting his lips with urgency and desperation. You didn’t care if James thought Remus ought to kiss you, you wanted nothing more than to kiss Remus. And Remus wanted nothing more than to kiss you. His other hand came to your waist, pulling you flush against him as his hand on your cheek moved to the side of your neck. You reached up and slid your hands from his shoulders to this neck and into his hair, feeling the soft curls between your fingers as you had wanted to for so long.

Remus pulled you impossibly close to him, as if he wanted nothing to come between you, until his force was moving you to lean against the door frame. The feeling of the wood was unexpected, and you gasped into Remus’s mouth when you felt it. Remus took this as an invitation to deepen the kiss, and you allowed him, sighing softly as his tongue explored your mouth.  

“Mistletoe?!”

You and Remus broke apart, his hands still on you even though your bodies were no longer touching. You both looked up the stairs, seeing James, Sirius, and Peter looking down at you.

Sirius had the most mischievous smirk you had ever seen, sure that it would make Lily’s skin crawl if she saw it. James seemed so content that you’d think he’d just been kissed and Peter anxiously twirled his fingers as he averted your eyes, obviously feeling bad for interrupting. 

“Mistletoe,” Remus said, his voice husk and his lips wet. It took a lot of will power to not sigh at the sight of him, or pull him in by his collar and kiss him again. Instead, you looked up at the boys like a deer caught in headlights.

“You owe me ten galleons,” James said to Sirius, causing Sirius to groan.

“How do you know he kissed them?!” Sirius complained, digging in his robe pockets for the money.

“He didn’t, I kissed him,” you said, looking up at Remus and licking your lips nervously.

“Hah! Hand it over, James,” Sirius gloated, removing his hand from his pocket and holding it out to James.

James groaned, still a smile on his lips, and handed Sirius the money.

“You didn’t think I’d kiss them first?” Remus asked Sirius, pulling you into his chest in a loving and protective way.

“Sorry, mate,” Sirius said with no remorse in his voice, climbing down the stairs and pushing past you and Remus.

James and Peter followed him, all fiddling with some new gift they had gotten. You looked up at Remus, deciding your Christmas presents could wait until Boxing Day, and pulled him out of the door way. You fell onto the couch, Remus following you, and you fell easily into conversation with the boys. Remus wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his chest. 

[kal-djarin]

Memories From the Past

Fandom: Star Wars

Date Posted: February 8th, 2021

Pairing: Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive themes but no actual smut, fighting? 

Request: n/a

A/N: Okay I’m actually kinda proud of this one. I really love the dynamic of Obitine so I tried to translate that into fic without stealing the entire plot, but it steal is very obviously similar. I really hope the flash back scenes and change in pov. make sense, I had some issues trying to figure out what tense I should use for them, but hopefully it’s not confusing. IM SORRY THE ENDING IS RUSHED!!! As always please let me know what you think!! 

Word Count: 4.5k 

The news of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi’s return to Sundari caused an array of emotions throughout the Palace. The Royal Guards were more watchful than usual, still not truly able to release the years of grudges held against the Jedi Order and Satine, was glad to be reunited with her old friend, despite the impromptu meeting being over possible changes in where the planet stood in the Clone Wars; a figure dressed in Mandalorian armour attacking a Republic cruiser would bring anyone to question the supposed position of neutrality Mandalore held.

You, on the other hand, were instantly filled with dread. Years have passed from the last time you have laid eyes on Obi-Wan and still the mere mention of him causes hundreds of memories to resurface.

When Satine became Duchess of Mandalore, many people were happy, but there were still insurgents that would not accept her pacifist leadership. They would send bounty hunters to try to eliminate her and the power she held. These constant threats against her life compelled Obi-Wan and his Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn to remove her and you, her most trusted advisor, from Mandalore and live on the run for nearly a year.

You lived one day at a time, trying to focus on surviving the present and live to see what uncertainties the future held. Most people would think that living in such dubious conditions would be terrifying, but it was one of the best years of your life.

Right when you met Obi-Wan, you were instantly turned off by him, despite his handsome looks. His diplomatic kindness and reverence felt impersonal and fake instead of charming and he was far too arrogant for your liking. Qui-Gon, on the other hand, was someone you befriended very quickly. His empathetic and wise nature instantly connected the two of you and he became almost like a father-figure. He was constantly giving you advice and was the only reason you tolerated Obi-Wan in the beginning.

Obi-Wan instantly felt this disfavor towards him, bringing out his sarcasm and frequent jabs, making him even more unbearable. The two of you spent weeks either trying to see who could irritate the other more or just completely ignoring each other, to both Qui Gon and Satine’s dismay. Qui-Gon always tried convincing you that you and Obi-Wan would make a great pair if the two of you would just stop being so stubborn, but his advice fell onto deaf ears.

Your hostility towards each other did die however, when you were being chased by venom-mites on a cliff on Draboon. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought them off as you and Satine escaped to the ship. Satine ran onto the boarding ramp and just as you were about to join her, you tripped over a divot in the ground, the momentum of it almost completely hurtling you off the side of the cliff, had you not grabbed a hold of the ledge.

All you can remember was the absolute terror that coursed through your veins and Satine’s horrified scream. Your body was hung over what seemed to be a bottomless pit and the only thing anchoring it were your hands; hands that were rather weak from a life devoid of physical exertion and that were slipping as each second passed.

You struggled, trying to find a way to climb up to solid land, but soon realized all the effort was fruitless. Obi-Wan, startled by Satine’s cries for help, turned around and saw your rather unfortunate situation. His eyes widened and he quickly turned from his Master and ran towards where you hung. When he was close enough, he slid to his knees and stretched his arm out to you.

“(Y/N), Take my hand!”

You wanted to, you really did, but the fear of falling to transfer your grip from the ground to his hand was too debilitating.

“Obi-Wan, I can’t, I’ll fall!” You managed to choke out

“You have to trust me!” His voice was loud, but still held its usual steadiness. His eyes however gave away his true emotions. They were frantically searching your own trying to convince you to lay your life in his hands. You could practically feel his terror radiating off of him.

Realizing you were out of options, you slowly released your grip and reached out to grasp his outstretched hand. Your fingers barely grazed his own and you knew it was too late. Gravity met you full force, and you felt yourself scream as your body began to plummet.

Then, all of a sudden, a warm cradling feeling caught you, interrupting your imminent death. You felt yourself rise over the cliff and saw Obi-Wan’s concentrated face and twitching hand. When you were about a foot above the ground, you dropped into Obi-Wan’s arms, and let out a sob of relief. Your body was racked with tears, still trying to process what just happened, and Obi-Wan just held you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, seeking comfort for your near death, and leaned against Obi-Wan’s own shaking body.

That day was the start of a new relationship for the two of you. You began to confide in each other more and felt the trust between the two of you grow as time passed. Obi-Wan dropped his guard of fake diplomacy and began to act more like himself. Of course, he still had his sarcastic humor, but it was more endearing now and his kindness felt genuine.

Soon, your relationship became more than just finding comfort in each other. When one of you couldn’t sleep, you and Obi-Wan would just sit together and talk until you became tired or if it was time to get up. Being around him was effortless and there was an understanding the two of you had that was rare to find. Of course, there was still tension between the two of you but it was different, less hostile.

If your relationship with him had ended there, innocent and full of what-ifs, you would have been just as excited as Satine was to see him. You wouldn’t currently be standing in the throne room, shaking with anxiety, waiting for him to step through the doors.

Just as you begin to contemplate completely ditching Obi-Wan’s arrival, the doors are opened and you hear the Prime Minister talking to him.

You look down and try to not draw attention to yourself, which is impossible considering Satine insisted you walk in beside her. Satine knew you and Obi-Wan were close, but you never told just how far your relationship with him went, so she didn’t see anything with the reunion. She sits down at the throne and you stand next to her. They greet each other briefly and the sound of Obi-Wan being so close to you again gives you the courage to finally meet his gaze.

He looks absolutely radiant, somehow looking more attractive than you remembered. His hair is a bit longer and a perfectly trimmed bear adorns his handsome face. You can’t help but stare, trying to take in the view you have been deprived of for almost 15 years.

“After all these years, you're even more beautiful than ever,” He says towards Satine, but still keeps his eyes locked on you.

You break the intense eye contact and try to not let his smooth words affect you. He doesn’t falter at your discreet rejection and continues the diplomatic conversation between him and Satine. She invites him on a walk through the city, and to your dismay, she gestures for you to join them. You walk just behind Satine, allowing the two of them to lead the way. Air speeders whistle by around you and people walk around the city, going about their day, unbothered by the Duchess and Jedi moving around them. You hear Satine talk about the current predicament Mandalore has found itself in with the Death Watch and you know you should be paying attention and adding into the conversation for sake of not seeming rude, but can’t help but carefully watch Obi-Wan’s side profile as he walks.

It’s perfect just like the rest of him and triggers yet another memory in your mind: you and his first kiss. It was a couple months after the incident on Draboon, and the four of you were forced to spend the night in a cave because of a rather wild storm. You sat on the cold floor near the fire Qui-Gon made, unable to rest, just watching the rain hit the mouth of the cave for hours. Unlike you, Satine used her time wisely, quickly finding much needed sleep. Qui-Gon had been meditating earlier, but now seemed to be resting as well, facing the inside of the cave. Obi-Wan sat cross-legged, reading a book about, if you remembered from his earlier explanation correctly, the method of Jar’Kai, farthest from the fire.

It wasn’t long before he noticed your restless form and decided to sit down next to you, close enough for your shoulders to touch.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, nudging your shoulder with his own.

Usually this kind of touch wouldn’t have caused you any issues, but more recently, you began to take note of every physical contact the two of you made. Obi-Wan was rather reserved, so knowing he so frequently chose to make contact with you gave you conflicting feelings. You turned and looked at him and suddenly felt rather sad.

“Don’t you wish we could be more carefree, like other people our age?”

He looked taken aback from your sudden question, but soon began to contemplate, fingers coming up to gently grasp his chin. After a moment, he looked back at you and shook his head.

“I never truly have thought about it. Why?” He questions further.

You knew why. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, Obi-Wan has found a special place in your heart. Months of confiding and building trust with one another let you get to know his true personality, making it impossible not to feel so much for him. But, although you were just teenagers, the both of you had responsibilities and expectations of you. He was a Jedi and you had to stay focused on helping Satine rebuild Mandalore after the raging civil war.

So instead of answering his question, you decided to satiate the need to feel reckless by standing up and walking out into the rain. The feel of the cold drops on your skin should have annoyed you, but instead it made you feel alive; it helped numb the feelings you so badly wish you didn’t have.

“What are you doing!” Obi-Wan yelled, looking alarmed at your sudden uncharacteristic decision.

“I’m living!!” You replied, soaking in the feeling of the rain and quickly running back and grabbing his hands with your dripping ones.

“Come on, Obi Wan, join me” You urged. His eyes are wide in shock but, nonetheless, takes off his outer robes and walks out into the rain.

His trust to join you with no question made you feel even more giddy and you dragged him into the middle of the valley that the cave sat in. You grabbed his hands and began to dance, if you could even call it that. Obi-Wan, as comfortable as he was with you, immediately stiffened up, since he was never truly taught how to dance. This setback, however, caused little pause in your actions and you just spun with him around in a circle.

The drumming of the rain did little to drown out your laugh whenever Obi-Wan would stumble, to his dismay, but he too began to chuckle at the unskilled dancing going on. You gazed up at him and just from the look on his face you knew your feelings for him were going nowhere. His hair laid flat on his head, soaked, and his face was covered in water and he looked breathtaking. He  made you feel safe and trusted and maybe that was the reason you decided to risk it all.

You grabbed his face between your hands and pressed your lips to his. It was short-lived, with him quickly pulling away with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted.

You instantly were filled with regret, embarrassed from the rejection, and went to run back into the cave to hide from your mistake. You felt selfish, trying to act on feelings that completely disrespected everything Obi-Wan lived for. Right when you pulled away from his arms, Obi-Wan quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back in.

His hands went up to cradle your face and he kissed you. It was overwhelming how much emotion he was channeling through it. The kiss was needy and hard but his hands were gentle, one of them coming up to tangle itself in your soaked hair. You could tell he was inexperienced, his form being a tad messy, but the passion put into it made up for any mistakes.

You feel a hand rest on your shoulder and are instantly pulled out of the memory. You see Satine looking at you, worry written all over her face.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She asks, her eyes searching your face.

You go to answer her and shut down any of her worries about you, but catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan and lose the words. His face looks almost distraught and you know he must have seen what you were thinking of. You force yourself to look away from him and respond to Satine.

“Yes, sorry I must have zoned out.” You apologize, hoping she buys your white lie. “As a matter of fact is it alright if I return to the Palace, I think I need a little rest”

She still looks worried, but quickly approves of your request and turns back to walk with Obi-Wan, who still seems bothered by your memory, but remains cordial and attentive.

You turn and go back to the Palace, a single guard flanking your side. When you return, you do exactly what you told Satine, you lie on your bed and rest, or at least try to.

***

When Obi-Wan sensed the memory you were thinking of, he was no longer able to focus on the important matter at hand. Even after the bombing on Mandalore after you left and him nearly being crushed to death on Concordia, he found himself thinking about it. He remembers that day so clearly; the first time he truly gave into his temptations.

He had worked so hard to stay in the Jedi Order- nobody wanted him as a Padawan. He was always not enough and it was only by fate that Qui-Gon decided to take him under his wing. He knew better than anyone that the title of Jedi was invaluable and there you were making him question everything he ever knew. He knew Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments or express their emotions, so why did he keep indulging himself with your presence.

The moment you kissed him, Obi-Wan’s instinct was to run. He was powerless against the attachment he had to you, so he knew the best way to stop it was to completely remove himself from the situation. He had every intention of doing so when he pulled away the first time, but then his other instincts kicked in. He felt the feel of your hands on his face, the closeness of your body, and realized there was no way he could let this go, at least not now.

Days after the kiss, Obi-Wan was filled with disgust at himself. He hated that he let himself indulge. He hated how he completely disregarded everything he was ever taught. He hated the fact that he loved every second of it, and what he hated most of all is that he began to wonder how it would feel to kiss your neck, skin, and other very un Jedi-like places.

Because of this, the months of progress the two of you made in your relationship were completely erased. He knew it was unfair to you, but he had to uphold the morals of a Jedi, and being around you made that goal impossible. He reverted back to the arrogant and guarded Padawan and pushed you away every time you tried to fix things.

But his efforts were fruitless. You knew Obi-Wan and were not able to let go of his sudden change in personality.

His Master also noticed the sudden change in relationship and decided to take matters in his own hands. He decided to send the two of you off on a mission to retrieve some sort of plant and herb. The two of you walked through the woods, The entire trip, Obi-Wan ignored every attempt of yours to engage in conversation and didn’t even truly acknowledge your presence. You finally decided to confront him, to his dismay.

“Was it truly that horrifying to kiss me, Obi-Wan”

“What?” He said, trying to keep the act up.

“Was it so bad to the point of ignoring me,” You pushed, getting angrier by the minute.

“I hardly see how that is relevant to the current task at han-” He began to deflect but was cut off by you grabbing his shoulder and whipping him around. Angry tears began to form in your eyes and at the site, Obi-Wan felt his facade crack.

“You don’t get to decide to drop me when things get hard, Obi-Wan” You spat, emphasizing your words by jabbing your finger on his chest.

Obi-Wan tried. He tried so hard to stay away from you. But the look of anger and heartbreak on your face made him, give into your spell, once again. He grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes.

He knew he was going to hate himself after, like last time, but the temporary pleasure it brought was impossible to resist, so he kissed you.

The kiss was hard and full of anger: anger at you, at himself, at the Jedi Order, and at the world for making you his weakness. You instantly reacted bringing your hand around to run through his short auburn hair and pulling your body as close as possible.

Obi-Wan deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore the inners of your mouth, inciting a moan from your lips. Obi-Wan felt himself flush from the obscene sound and couldn’t help but feel bolder from the thought of bringing you pleasure. He started to kiss along your jawline and down your neck, his brain becoming muddled from the pleasure of it all.

You had begun to take off his robes and that was when he came to his senses. He knew he had to stop this, it was completely un Jedi-like and uncivilized, especially out in the open. His thoughts were immediately shut down however when you slid your hand down his chest. He decided to burn every single pleasure and feeling into memory and worry later. Your hand began to venture between his legs and that was the second time Obi-Wan gave into temptation.

You were all he could think about while fighting on Concordia, and he knew this was why Jedi don’t form attachments. Just the memory of your relationship caused his judgement to be clouded. He couldn’t imagine how he would have been if you were there during the fight with Death Watch: constantly worried, focused on an individual rather than the greater good.

He was relieved to get on to the Coronet and away from the memory of his failures as a Jedi, but that relief was short-lived when he saw you boarding the ship alongside Satine.

***

Satine, as strong-willed as ever, insisted on you going to Coruscant with her. She didn’t want you to be alone on Mandalore, vulnerable to the rapidly more aggressive Death Watch attacks. Once aboard the ship, you settle into your temporary room and head down to meet back up with the Duchess, who was currently discussing her position of neutrality with other senators down the hall.

As you walk towards the meeting, you run into a young, handsome man and Obi-Wan. You immediately freeze, not prepared for the sudden direct interaction and just stare at him. “O-Obi-Wan” You stutter out, not knowing how to fully go about this.

Obi-Wan looks equally as startled, but recovers quickly and introduces you to the younger man.

“(Y/N), this is Anakin Skywalker, my Padawan and Anakin this is Adviser (L/N).”

You tear your eyes away from Obi-Wan’s and quickly greet Anakin with a nod and small smile. Wordlessly, you walk through the door and head to Satine’s side, not before hearing the Padawan say, “On a first name basis, huh, Master?” and a small grunt following a hitting noise.

The meeting was full of high tensions, many, including Obi-Wan, disagreeing with Mandalore’s neutrality. It was always an issue when brought up, and even you saw the issues with it. The idea of staying neutral and not interfering in a war is noble but is much harder in execution and can cause more turmoil in the long run.  

As soon as the meeting is dismissed, you file out of the room, trying to avoid any more confrontation. You head to the room where you are supposed to have dinner and find Satine waiting for you.

Obi-Wan enters the room, walking with other leaders. All you had to do was get to Coruscant. Once there you can get out of here and not have to think about Obi-Wan Kenobi ever again. You zone out for most of the meal, not noticing the nervous atmosphere starting to settle over everyone or the warning Obi-Wan gives about a situation going on below decks.

You are suddenly pulled out of your own head, when you hear him yell to the guards about securing the lifts. You see the blue light of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and Satine quickly stands up from the table, bringing you with her.

A horrifying crunching sound is heard and the doors to the lift begins to wrench open, revealing a giant spider droid. It easily knocks down the guards and clambers onto the table, quickly approaching the group of senators. Obi-Wan goes into action and severs the spider droid's legs and lands a fatal lightsaber wound to its head.

The people around you breathe a sigh of relief but soon find out that it's far from over. Miniature spider droids begin to pop out of the body of the larger one and spread out to box the group of you in. Senators begin freaking out, but you and Satine know better. Years of dealing with the pushback of the people have forced you to learn how to defend yourself. Not to mention, the year spent with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan required you to spend quite a bit of time learning to fight. You and Satine immediately pull out your deactivators and get to work killing the droids.

Obi-Wan joins the fight with his lightsaber and the two of you fall into the instinctual rhythm from all those years ago. Back to back, slowly turning, ensuring the other doesn’t get too overwhelmed by the enemy. As much as you hate being reminded of your once very close relationship, it's easier to connect to him through the ease of physical touch. You can predict his movements and fighting techniques, making it much easier to interact than dialogue. Once all, except one, of the droids are eliminated, Obi-Wan turns towards you and seems as if he has something to say but quickly stops himself and walks away to check on the others. The adrenaline coursing through your veins from the fight keeps you on edge however, even after you return to your seat.

It stays with you, even when Anakin returns to inform Obi-Wan that there is a seperatist among you. The surviving spider droid is walked around the table, a test to see who it won’t attack. When Obi-Wan reaches Tal Merrik, a sudden change in the droid's hostile behavior proves him to be a traitor.

You watch in horror as Tal grabs Satine and holds a blaster to her head. The adrenaline from the previous fight serves you well because, even before Obi-Wan has time to react to the sudden change in severity of the situation, a fallen guard’s blaster, set to stun, is in your hand and has already raised and fired at the Senator. He quickly falls, releasing Satine.

You release a shaky breath and everyone, including Obi-Wan, stares in shock at your quick save.

“T-thank you,” Satine says, obviously shaken from almost being held hostage.

You nod in acknowledgment and watch as Tal Merrik is put into custody.

For obvious reasons, all the senators decide to retire to their rooms for the rest of the night.

Exhausted emotionally and physically, you do the same and head to your room after making sure Satine arrived at hers safely. You are about to relax into your bed when you hear a knock at the door. You open it to find Obi-Wan standing there, looking rather uncomfortable. “What do you want, Obi-Wan,” you sigh, tired of hiding from your past.

“I thought that we could talk”

“You are the last person to want to talk about feelings, Obi” You say turning around and heading back into the room, silently allowing him access to your space.

He walks in and closes the door behind him and leans against the wall opposite of you.

“I thought it would be a benefit to the both of us if we just talk”

“What do you want me to say Obi-Wan?” You raise your voice, tired of his roundabout way of talking.

“Do you want me to say I’m in love with you? But you already knew that didn’t you, all those years ago, and you still left” you accuse spitefully, not believing that you could somehow still have feelings for such an emotionally constipated man.

His face contorts into one of regret and grief at the mention of his abandoning you, but you still don’t let up.

“I think it’s better if you just go, Obi Wan. It’s what you do best.” You spit out, turning around to face away from him.

You hear him push off the wall and begin to move, but instead of leaving like you told him to, he walks up to you. You sense his presence against your back and he is so close you can feel his breath gently hitting the back of your neck. He stands there and lightly touches your hand with his own, breathing you in, again resorting to physical touch when his words fail. You bask in the closeness of him, giving into the way you missed his touch.

After a few moments, you hear him sigh and pull away from you.

“Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order”

With that confession, he slowly leaves and shuts the door, leaving you more confused and heartbroken than ever.

[voidcat]

– a case of bad luck

4. let's get it started

m.list ; prev ; next ; wc: 3.7k

warning: not so graphic but mentions of bones cracking etc (not caused by physical violence but if you remember the song from the precious chapter... yea, that...

a/n: finally getting somewhere lets goooo,, next chapter or the one after i'll finally write the bits that basically made this idea into a fic so im excited! no new song for this chapter & i hope you're liking how its going so far:)

After that night, you accept the existence of your ability, a bit quicker and easier than you expected from yourself, and reach a conclusion about it.

The lack of reaction to the lyrics on that man’s part tells a lot, and knowing Dazai won’t leave you at this, now you have an idea on where to begin observing, testing and learning.

Morning comes without an event and the day passes without a fuss. Acting oblivious to the looks your friends your way makes communication a tad harder though. More often than usual, the conversation somehow rolls back to the topic of crushes, not outright asking you anything but standing on watch for any slip up you might make, so they can pester you to spill the rest, –of a date that never happened, with a childhood friend you never had, building into a romance you’ll never have.

At least, not with him, you won’t.

Despite this, you find yourself looking out for the same bandages, dark coat and messy hair. Curious to know how it went and if the aftereffects progressed as you predicted.

Waiting in vain, having no way of communication doesn’t help your case. Still, this might be for the better, as little ways to connect the two as possible. Then the possibility of him visiting you near the school grounds come to your mind, or worse, waiting by your house, much riskier and can be recorded in visuals.

A part of you is excited though, as much as you don’t want to admit that. Now that you’ve done that, would you be considered a part of the mafia?

Nonsense, they wouldn’t let you in that easy, even if you had a potential to be a useful asset. But the deed is done and all you have to do is be patient and go on through your days like nothing happened.

That, you can do.

Wake up, freshen up, pet your cat, eat, drink, listen, talk, eat, listen, talk, look around, listen again, don’t over think, don’t search for the same feeling of uneasiness- someone is talking to you, pay attention –and with minor changes to this, repeat.

Staying on alert somehow makes it easier to catch the words in class, splitting your mind in two helps. There’s no yes or noquestion to be asked, you know Dazai will come back.

The matter is ‘when’ and ‘what will he ask?’.

A tap on your shoulder and you turn to see your friend, already packed up and ready to leave. As you gather your book and notebooks, she speaks. “So, hey…”, dragging out the ‘e’.

Humming in response, you continue to organize the items in your bag. “Do you have the sheets with you? I forgot mine.”

You halt. “What sheets?”

“We have practice today, did you forget?” she rests a hand on her hip “Wait! Don’t tell me you set up a date without paying attention to the day!”

The sudden excitement in her voice irks you, and you shake your head as you get up. “No, I just forgot what day it is. I already memorized my part, you can have my folder once we get down.”

“Great! Thanks!” she claps her hands and you two leave the classroom, not another word spoken until you reach the music room.

But the side eyes she gives you tells she’s still hung up on our lack of confirmation about a ‘date’.

Maybe you should get a boyfriend instead of pressing into people’s (lack of) love lives, you think.

Then arises the second pressing matter: choir practice.

It’s not the practice itself or the people you dread but the possibilities the recent news in your life bring.

And just like each week, recalling that the songs are all plain folk music, church stuff or a failed attempt at having a “modern song” in the repertory, your body loosens up in relief. All too boring to get in the mood to trigger an unwanted reaction, although a part of you wonders if Ave Maria could retrieve or heal a person, were they to bear an injury.

By the time you get out, everyone else has already left, the door is being locked as you make way to the hall, on your way out.

Meeting a completely different sky, a sudden temperature drop in the air has long gone becoming a surprise, now a part of your new usual. Tangerine sky starts to darken at the base but that’s not what catches your attention and brings you to a stop in your steps though you’re unaware of it.

What you came to like about the color brown was its essentials, as you were taught by your aunt. It looked completely unique to you in some way. The color of coffee, chocolate, soil… All around you, etched into the everyday life, met so often that you couldn’t see it as a mix of colors that one would make, it was independent in your head.

Eyes in the color of brown were considered average, expected, common. And yet, no eye shone sobeautiful as brown ones when the sun would set slowly, its rays scattered inside the little orbs. One of your friends said once, how she’d know she found true love when she looked into the eyes of her lover during a sunset and the golden rays would melt in their browns.

You were fond of this view of hers, a warm reminder of looking for beauty in things we often find mundane.

But meeting his brown eyes under the setting sun; the golden sky, salmon clouds, hints of blue dancing by the horizon and dull eyes with a veil of ash pulled over them, that notion you came to cherish vanishes from your mind.

Seeing no movement on your part, Dazai sighs and saunters your way.

Registering that this is real and he is here, coming your way, you kick your feet back in action and meet him halfway.

One step to separate you both, you stand two steps above him. With a shake of his head, he laughs “How eager!” he must mean your hurried pace, “Missed me already?”, he says coyly and you scrunch up your nose in reply.

He chooses to disregard your reaction, waits few seconds and starts to walk off like those days before.

You follow right after.

“What is the meaning of this? How did you learn my schedule?” the possibility of Dazai watching from afar, memorizing the approximate hours you go in and out sends a chill down your spine.

Walking until your steps take a break by the lights, “You were right about the night time.” He says without looking your way, “He turned right back into himself in the break of dawn.”

The man’s shocked face appears before you, twisted in agony, unsure what on earth is happening, mouth open wide, a silent cry on the tip of his tongue. The sounds of cracking plays in your ears, as fresh as the first time you’ve heard- no, don’t think about it, focus on the now, the orange sky and the chirping of this bird nearby.

“What a sight it must’ve been!” he almost sounds envious to have missed, “Well, it doesn’t matter, I hope you don’t have plans for tonight because I’ve got more birdies waiting for you.”

His words cause a disruption in your steps and you gather up your feet before he can notice, or makes a comment.

You gulp once, already reaching for your backpack, now held in front with one hand, “Will it take long?” you ask.

“Now, that, dear,” you inwardly cringe at the nickname “entirely depends on you.”

Putting the earphones in, your finger hovers over the screen, unsure on what to play. After what feels like a good thirty minutes at the very least, though the color of the sky begs to differ, you decide on the same song, considering you’ll have to repeat that night soon.

The familiar noise begins but all you can hear is the breaking of his bones, the whimpering coming from his mouth. How his arms twist slowly, body slouched down, each hair on him slowly getting thicker and darker, replaced by feathers. Break down and rebuild, hit the bottom and reborn, rise as something new. A confused gaze directed at the world and at the sudden change of perspective.

It must’ve been torturous to endure that much pain and feel yourself tearing apart, dropping to your knees only to get up and see the world from a lower point of view.

The unfamiliar sense he must felt, to have bones smaller and lighter, with holes inside to make an act he will never have time to learn easy, something he will never get to experience. What a drastic change it must be, and only temporarily. Really makes you think would it be better to have suffered all that pain only to be reverted back? Did it hurt as much when he was turned back.

Was it just his body that changed but was his mind affected as well? Maybe if used to it, a crow’s mind would come in handier than what he had initially-

“I wonder if I’ll have an effect on them myself,” you hear Dazai talk to himself faintly, few steps ahead from you. “Or if I’ll have to interact with you directly to change them.” He turns suddenly, a smile you’d define as ‘creepy’ on him.

Fighting off the urge to react in any way, you look ahead with empty unfocused eyes, pretending to have not heard what he said just now, how he smiled at you, and try focusing on the music though it played over your head with each replay.

Arriving at a dark door, the building looking musty, probably occupied by those affiliated with some sort of crime as a base, Dazai opens his arms in a manner that reads ‘ta-da!’. Pulling out the earphones and wrapping one wire from the back of your neck like a scarf, you give him a questioning look.

He looks annoyed at your unappreciative lack ofreaction.

“This is it, here’s the place! Go on now.” He waves a hand in a dismissive way towards the door.

Resting one hand on your hip, you let out a sigh. “Since you’re the one in charge, why don’t you show me the way.”

Slouched shoulders and an unspoken dragged out ‘fine’, one you’d expect from a child, he turns, knocks once and barges in before waiting for a response.

“Why, hello there gentlemen! I believe we had a long overdue meeting.” He sounds awfully cheery as he walks in, doesn’t sound like a scary mafia executive at all. Hands in his pockets, even from behind his posture is calm, alarmingly so, you can already picture whoever’s inside sending worried glances his way, eyes dead set on his hands. Securing your phone, you follow him at least five meters behind, trying to stay close to the shadows.

“And as you can see, I’ve brought no men with me. So why don’t you put all these weapons down, call down your men and sit down for a little chat? I even brought music to lighten the mood!” with a semi turn, he opens an arm, putting you on display.

You feel yourself freeze on spot.

Not because of the amount of men there, that’snot the problem as it seems there are about six of them, but the way they look at you, an ugly smile creeping up their features, eyeing you from head to toe…

“Why don’t you just play the song from your phone? There’s no shame in being nervous,” he sounds calm, and sweet but strange, “plus, I’d not put it past them to know the song at all.” He finishes as he pulls a chair from somewhere, you’re not sure where, your heart beats too loud, their looks getting only meaner, probably enjoying how careless Dazai must’ve sound, and you find it hard to focus, breathe or concentrate on anything other than think, think, think-

Stay there, in the moment, don’t pay attention to them, don’t think about what they must be planning for you, what they must be imagining, fantasizing, distraction, stay distracted, focus elsewhere-

You don’t notice yourself hitting play, or the familiar sound coming from your earphones, although it’s faint, or how Dazai seems to follow your movements without moving a muscle or his smile when he notices your lips moving.

This time, it goes faster albeit it looks as painful as before.

It takes a while for the sounds to reach your ears. You can barely hear their screams or cries for help, begging you to stop, promising to not lay a hand or hurt you, as if they’re the ones pulling the strings now.

And like how they portray when someone has just gotten out of an accident, a ringing in their ear so loud they can barely hear a siren in the background or pleas of people yelling to get their attention; that’s how their screams reach your ears, distant.

By the time you register what has happened, there are six confused and shivering corvus on the ground, fearful eyes watching you, flapping their wings in vain, without the faintest clue.

Turning to see Dazai watching you, he looks unmoved. You wonder why he is the only one unaffected, besides you. Then you recall, ‘a-ha!’ you’d want to say out loud, his lack of attention and following your lips the whole time, earbuds to block all outer noise would explain. You can’t help but tilt your chin up as your shoulders move up with a burst of energy, although you try to not to move an inch, almost happy for figuring it out.

But of course, his eyes miss nothing.

The sound of his heels fill the empty space now, echoing, and he crouches down to look at one of the corvus. It takes the bird to register Dazai is right in front of him, most likely he didn’t acquire the highly praised crow intelligence when he turned into one, and before it can run away, Dazai makes his move.

The bird now nesting in his hands, the arm of his trenchcoat to be more specific, squirms to get away but the grip is tight. Pacing your way with long steps, he holds out the bird to your face.

“Would you like to do it yourself?”

“Do what?” you ask back, ignoring his dropped eyelids, as if what he means is in the open and you’re pretending to be blind.

“To break its wings, of course!” he exclaims loudly and you wince at the sudden rise of volume. “Why would I do that? No!”

“For precaution.” You hear him mumble with a shrug, and his left hand shots up before you can ask ‘what kind of precautions does a bird even require?’.

A sudden and sharp snap of the wings, creaking of bones, and it goes a bit too long.

With horror, your dry throat unforgotten as the light bulbs shake left and right above you, you watch the very same transformation from minutes ago, backwards.

The creaking of bones and ripping of the tissue fill the air again yet with violence and a scream to accompany. And the wings broken beforehand doesn’t make the process any less painful on itself.

When the man lies on the floor again, you think better than to walk up and nudge with your foot or to check for a pulse. The inconsistent shivers and shakes coming from him tell enough that he is very much alive and in unbearable pain.

“How… what did you do?..” you take a step back from his figure towering over the man. Like a cat that moves its ears to a source of voice it doesn’t care about, Dazai turns to you with nonchalance, like he already forgot you were there.

The ‘hmm?’ he lets out confirms it.

Mouth slightly open and brows furrowed, not from shock anymore but of disbelief, at him; ‘how can he even be in this line of work with this little care?’, ‘how much more he actually knows and is capable of than he lets on?’… the questions go and go, and with each one, you realize you want to learn more, despite the risks and possibilities, none too good on you.

But then again, do you really want to?

“Oh, this?” he turns to you, arms open, one hand gesturing the man, which you turn a blind eye to, “You could say that I nullified your ability.”

A smile appears on his face as your expression turns into one you doubt you’ve ever had before. So your previous assumption was incorrect, he must’ve purposely led you on. Despite being a simple thing, one anyone in your place could fall for, but would anyone ever be in your shoes in the first place?- You feel stupid, like a fool, a kid, easily tricked…

“Want a go at it?” he offers, snapping you out of your thoughts. You don’t ask what he talks about this time, nor will you do in the future, he must mean the wings. Taking your silence as a reply, another shrug is his reply in turn. “Suit yourself, you’re not needed for the rest.”

Few steps back and you find a wooden crate to sit on, secluded in the shadows and turned to the center of the room. A front row seat, a voice in your head jokes.

So the effects of your ability can be undone, you make a note of it. As well as the conditions stated in your singing, this one already proven if you trust his word from earlier today.

The question of what is his ability lingers. Related to nullifying abilities as you witnessed already. And considering how he was the only one unaffected in the room as you sang, it must be to nullify any and every ability, mostly based on physical contact.

Dazai seems to take his time as you’re lost in thought, blabbering, talking about the weather and pulling out a game console from one of his pockets.

You try to recall if there was a certain focus in mind as you sang, because this might as well could be why he was left untouched, but the confidence he displayed since you first met begs otherwise. Like a no man’s land when it comes to abilities, as well as nullifying them and their affects, to an extent, you hope.

By the time he is bored of whatever it is he was doing to loiter, Dazai returns his attention back to them. So you follow next best option to wait, tune them out, ignore the shaky light and the smell coming from the walls, put the earphones back in and hit play.

As quick it was to doze off, you return as easily, Dazai walking towards the door, making a stop by you before he opens it.

The sudden current makes the coat draped over his shoulders falter and float lightly. Hopping them, you trail after him, never once looking back.

The way back, you go in silence. It’s already dark, the moon hidden behind the clouds, the stars already difficult to spot, curtesy of light pollution. There isn’t many people outside, at least not in the area, the air isn’t cold enough to bite and soon your steps fall into a rhyme.

Unsure how long it has passed, he pauses and you almost crash into him.

What it seems to be shuffling through his pockets to look for something, he struggles to find whatever it is, a little too impatient and growing frustrated with each passing second.

Then it comes to an end, you swear you could hear an ‘hah!’ as he achieves his victory, and he holds out whatever it is he fished out of his pocket in your direction.

A flip phone in dark blue tones.

You take it without a word and put it away, continuing to walk.

From your resigned form and the careful distance you set between the two, Dazai puts off chatting up for another time. He can always push your buttons another day and you look exhausted enough as it is.

Steps falling back into unison, he walks right near you this time, not letting you trail behind him or go ahead, head tilted up and letting the cool night sky have a glance.

You realize a little later, time lost on you yet again, what exactly makes you so uneasy about Dazai, especially when you’re around him.

It’s the numbness and lack of attentiveness that comes along.

There’s nothing new about having so little reaction to things happening around but the way you miss out on your surroundings is not a good sign. This is worrying, a part of your brain tells, though the worry in question isn’t fully felt.

Like a car ride with music blasting as someone else drives, and your gaze focused on the outside, taking in the scenery that lays before your eyes behind the windows.

There is color, there is blur, there are things you see, sure, but what do you truly see? Like floating in limbo, not truly here but you’ve not dozed off entirely either. You’re somewhat aware but it’s all limited.

It’s risky, reckless and if it keeps going any longer it might be the death of you, or a fast ticket down a road you won’t be able to turn away from.

By the time you’re lying in your bed, looking outside, you can barely recall Dazai cracking his knuckles and hearing a smirk in his laugh.

Turning your back to the window, your gaze lingers on the nightstand, where you hid the phone with Dazai’s number in it, be it for when he calls for you or when you need to contact him.

“Oh, we’re just getting started.” is what you remember him say in a cold manner as they shivered in fear and flapped their wings in futile efforts, and despite his turned back to you, you’re certain the phrase was directed more at you and less at those unfortunate souls.

[damn-stark]

Moon

Remus Lupin x Lupin!reader (platonic)

Requested by anon “im absolutely in love with your writing. I myself wanted to do a similar idea for this request but i sadly don’t have time! I was thinking maybe the reader could be the daughter of remus? Or perhaps adopted? You can choose a love interest if needed, but I just need some remus + reader being father + daughter excellence.”

A/N- hope you all like it :) also no love interest hope that’s okay, just decided to focus on their daughter and father relationship :)

Warning- fluff and just pure fluff, some angst

———-

“Well I think it’s going to go great,” you reassure your father as you walk out of the shop, smiling as you felt the warm rising sun kissing your sun. “Even if you are going to be my professor. Maybe that’s not as great.”

Your father laughs softly as he instinctively hands you a piece of chocolate. “I think that's the best part, we get to spend more time together.”

You shrug, “until they start teasing me.”

His hand wraps around your shoulders so he could pull you closer to him as you both begin to make your way to the train station.

To wait to head back to school, and for him to wait for his first day as a new professor. Something he's been excited for, but also dreading as a monthly lunar problem is the single obstacle in the way. And as much as you try to assure him, his worry doesn’t fade away. Even if he tries to hide it or simply say, “I’m your father, it’s not your job to worry about me.”

“Don’t worry,” he reassures you softly, “I won’t let that happen.”

——

“Intriguing isn’t it?” Your father—or “Professor Lupin”, says from the back of the class, “if anyone would like to venture a guess as to what is inside?”

“That’s a boggart that is.”

“Very good Mr. Thomas.” Your father compliments the boy. “Now can anyone tell me what a boggart looks like?” His eyes fall on you, signaling you quietly to answer a question about what hid inside the shaking wardrobe, but you discreetly shake your head and suddenly hear the voice of Hermione answer instead.

“No one knows.” She answered, causing Ron’s shoulders to jump slightly at her sudden presence beside him and remark at spontaneous appearance.

“When she get here?”

“Boggarts are shapeshifters. They take the shape of whatever particularly the person fears the most. That’s what makes them so—”

“...so terrifying yes. Yes” Your father finishes for Hermione.

The wardrobe does another violent shake while your father continues his path towards it, continuing to explain the lesson all in the meanwhile. “Luckily a very simple charm exists to repel a boggart. Let’s practice it now. Ah, without wands please. After me. Riddikulus.”

The class and you then repeat after him simultaneously. Having to repeat the charm again as your father instructs to say it louder. After that moment another sly comment from Draco catch’s your immediate attention. “This class is ridiculous.”

You silently turn your head to shoot him a glare he didn’t catch but you meant with every fiber in your body. Thinking to yourself even if you wanted to speak it outloud, “the only thing ridiculous here is him with that fake broken arm. How would he like if it was actually broken.”

“Very good, so much for the easy part.” Your father continues, clueless to Draco’s remark, “you see the incantation is not enough. What really finishes a boggart is laughter, you need to force it to assume the shape you find truly amusing,” his eyes search the crowd and they land on you and then shift to someone beside you. “Neville, darl—y/n, please join me, please.”

You cross your arms over your chest and very discreetly shake your head, noticing Neville look around scared and shocked he was even called. The reaction of you both causing your father to add to his previous comment. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

With a deep sigh you begin to drag your feet after Neville, hearing Ron snicker after you left his and Harry’s side.

“Hello,” your father mumbles as Neville and you make it to the front; “now Neville first. What frightens you most of all?”

Neville hesitates before choosing to answer nervously, “p-professor Snape.”

The class laughs at the answer, while you like your father simply can’t help but agree.

“Professor Snape,” your father repeated, “yeah, he frightens us all. And I believe you live with your grandmother?”

“Yes,” Neville stammers, “but I don’t want the boggart to turn into her either.”

Your father shakes his head, “no, it won’t. I want you to picture her clothes—only her clothes, very clearly in your mind.”

Neville begins to describe what he thought but he was quickly told otherwise, getting quietly explained what to do after the wardrobe opened. Making you step slightly to the side as your father opened the wardrobe to release the boggart that soon turned into Professor Snape. The figure going towards Neville who with help shouted out the incantation and caused the fake Professor to suddenly change in women’s clothing. Causing the other students and you to laugh.

“Wonderful Neville, wonderful, incredible!” Your father chuckled before he let the boy go, “okay to the back Neville. Y/n, if would please.”

With no other choice you step towards the middle of the room and face the wardrobe, feeling the annoyance from moments ago completely disappear and turn to dread as you feared what would be revealed. And not exactly fear for everyone’s reaction, or your own, but your fathers. You knew what you feared, and you knew it would affect him too.

But before you could escape and avoid being revealed, the boggart suddenly changed and it just showed you all alone, a single full moon hidden behind dark clouds and nothing else.

Because that was your fear, being alone without your father.

“Okay, darling,” he mumbled by your ear, parting away to continue the rest, “say it. Without help this time.”

You lift your wand and point at the boggart, drawing in a deep breath before stepping closer and breathing out the pent up breath of air to say the incantation out loud. “Riddikulus!”

The fake figure of yourself disappears and the moon begins to fly out towards the class and explodes in the air as if it fireworks. Lighting up the whole class in multiple colors and taking up different shapes that made the whole class laugh and made you smile brightly.

“Good job, y/n, incredible! To the back now! Everyone form a line.”

Without hesitation you do as he says, giving Ron a high five as he extended his hand for you before you reached the end to wait for the rest of the class to do theirs. However half of the class wasn’t able to do theirs as your father—or Professor Lupin ended the lesson after Harry shared his. Leaving you linger behind after you were forced to.

“Did you enjoy today’s lesson?” Your father asked as you walked back inside class.

You nod, not looking back at him and itching to leave and leave the topic you knew he wanted to discuss as it was. Nothing. “Very much. It was very fun. But I do have things to do. Like get ready to go out to town for the first time.”

“Ah, yes, but you’re not leaving right away,” he argued, “so I did want to discuss something….your boggart.”

You groan and keep your back turned to him, just trying to dismiss his worry. “It’s nothing papa, really, you don’t have to worry.”

“And I still want to talk about it, so if you would turn around to face me, please.”

Turning around slowly, you keep your gaze on the ground until he calls again.

“Darling please.” He spoke softly, “only for a moment...just tell me what the boggart was about.”

“Well,” you mutter as you walk to where he is by the shelf, “it was….I’m scared of…” you hesitate and tighten your hold on the shelf you’re leaned on, hearing no pressure come from him, hearing a uncomfortable only surround you, choke you until it was all too much pressure and your words just popped off. “I’m scared of being alone and not having you around.”

“You won’t.” He reassured you, placing his hand on your shoulder to bring you comfort, “now I can’t promise we’ll always be together, because you are going to get older and well you are going to eventually leave me.”

You scoff softly, “you know what I mean. What if something happens when you turn? Or during what’s to come.”

“Well,” he begins to fiddle with his fingers as he always did, taking a moment to give his full answer, “It's hard with what I deal with, but I do try to take care of myself so that something bad won’t happen. But as to what’s to come, you don’t have to worry. Enjoy being at school and have fun with your friends.” He wraps his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him and guide you out of the class. “And well you have nothing to fear darling. I’ll be with you for as long as I can.”

.

.

.

.

A/N- the ending of this made me so sad :( because of well what happens to him….ughh I’m so tempted to do a couple more parts to this just like til it gets to that part but I also don’t want to cry 🙁

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || Cooking For them [Request]

A/n: I’m having really bad writers block right now im so sorry 

Chan:

Who would have thought you would be celebrating your 2-year-anniversary with Chan, not you. You were still sure you were in some kind of coma where all of this was a sick and twisted dream ready to rip the rug out from underneath you at any moment bringing you back to reality.

"What are you thinking about?" Chan's voice woke you from your daydream and you went back to cooking the anniversary meal you'd been dreading making all week. Normally Chan was the one to cook in the relationship but you wanted to give him a break today since it was a special event.

"How I could give you food poisoning." You groaned hoping you were cooking it right, there were so many things that could go wrong. He walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder and watching over everything you were doing.

"Let me cook for you if you're so worried." You tried to push him away,

"No, this is an anniversary present." You mumbled trying not to sound defeated, you really wanted this to be special for him but cooking wasn't your strong point.

"I wanted it to be special." You pouted making him laugh with you, he kissed your cheek.

"As long as you're here it is special." He mumbled into your hair trying to make you feel better but it wasn't working, you knew how hard Chan worked at the studio and you wanted to make it a little less stressful back at your apartment.

"I'm cooking if you want to help you can make sure I'm not overcooking or undercooking anything." You told him looking over at the pots and then smiling back at him.

"Or the only anniversary present you will be getting is food poisoning." You joked trying to make the situation a little lighter and he laughed along with you, checking on the food you were preparing and telling you everything looked perfect so far.

Lee Know:

Lee Know was going home for a small break and he'd tried to convince you to go with him but you were busy with work...Or at least, that's what you told him you were doing. Instead, you were travelling to visit his mum and to get there before he did. You'd met his mother before and you were quite close to her, she even asked you to call her mum instead of by her name which you did.

"He's coming up the driveway now." You smiled at his mum and continued standing in the kitchen to finish cooking with her.

"Umma!" He called out as he walked into the house with a giant suitcase trailing behind him, you stayed in the kitchen while his mum went to greet him.

"I have a surprise." You heard her sing to him and then she came back into the kitchen covering his eyes, you tried to hide your excitement as she laughed at you. She began counting down and then moved her hands from his eyes, as soon as his eyes adjusted to the brighter light they landed on you and he couldn't stop smiling.

"I thought you had work?!" He yelled rushing over to you and tangling you into a tight hug squeezing as tight as he could. The last time you'd gone to see him was when he was leaving for work and he'd missed you.

"Hi." You giggled at him going back to make sure the food wasn't burning, his mum told you to go and catch up in the living room so you left to go and talk about your plans for the weekend.

"I'm seeing Han tomorrow, then I'm hanging with some friends and seeing Grandma." He then began to plan the weekend with you, inviting you out with all his friends and family to make you feel apart of it, he loved spending time with you and every time you got to hang around he cherished it dearly.

Changbin:

You knew how much of tough a time that Changbin was having, he'd been texting you all week about how much stress he was under and you wanted to do anything you could to make him less stressed. You'd convinced Chan to give you a spare key to the dorms and to take the rest of the boys out so you would have the place to yourself. You were going to make him the best meal you could manage, so you were dancing around the dorms singing along to the new SKZ2020 album when he walked through the door, he saw you dancing in one of his hoodies and smiled to himself. He felt instantly relaxed as soon as he saw you there and dropped his bags onto the floor,

"Hi." He breathed coming up behind you and holding you against his chest,

"Hi, how was the studio today?" He stayed silent which meant not good. You sighed and turned around in his arms to face him and smile softly,

"Well, I ran you a bath and laid out fresh clothes so go and bathe and by the time you're out the food should be ready and hopefully it won't kill you." You whispered leaning up to kiss him on the nose. You'd only been dating for three months but you would do everything in your power to make him happy but you had no idea that just you being there was enough to make him happier than he'd been since they debuted.

"Go, before the water gets cold." You giggled at him but he stayed there staring down into your eyes with a smile on his face, he just cupped your face in his hands and brought you closer to him.

"You have no idea how much you make me happy just by being here." He whispered leaning down to kiss you, you smiled against his lips and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Go and bathe, you stink from dance practise." You mumbled against his lips and he chucked pulling away from you and going over to the main dorms bathroom to find the bath you'd ran him while you went back to the oven to make sure nothing was burning or that you hadn't let the kitchen on fire, it was one of the many rules that Felix and Chan had left you to keep things in order.

Hyunjin:

All you'd heard for the last three days was how terrible the food was at the dorms, your boyfriend Hyunjin had done nothing but text you about how now Chan was away Felix was in charge of feeding him and Han who were the only ones left in the dorms while everyone went on vacation to go and see family.

"If I come and cook will you stop complaining at me?" You mumbled over the phone that night, you could even over the phone he had a giant smile across his face.

"We wouldn't hate that idea." You hummed and hung up the phone, stopping by the store on your way to to the dorms to pick up supplies.

"I thought I was cooking tonight," Felix grumbled once he walked into the dorm kitchen to see you cooking for them all,

"Hyunjin and Han kept complaining that you were trying to kill them." You told him not holding back despite Han and Hyunjin screaming at you to shut up,

"You don't like my cooking?" He turned to the boys and you smirked,

"Hyunjin's text this morning was 'I'm going to die if I have to eat one more meal from Felix'." Felix scoffed at them and turned his attention to you,

"Help me out, can you wash up some dishes? I asked them but they said they were busy." Hyunjin slid down the sofa and his attention was back on the movie they'd been watching, Felix began washing up the dishes while watching what you were doing.

"You should teach me, that way I won't kill your boyfriend off." He joked looking as you turned over the meat in the pan, then went back to cooking the vegetables, Hyunjin got up from the sofa and came to your side. Asking if you needed any help,

"Me and Felix have it covered, go and watch your movie." You kissed his lips and he stayed in place wanting to help out as much as he could since he'd forced you to come around in the first place.

Han:

You were in a panic trying to make sure your apartment was perfect, it was the first time your boyfriend of two months would be coming over to your place. You normally spent all your times at the dorms with him and his friends but this time Han had decided you needed some time alone together instead, you'd spent the entire day cleaning from top to bottom. Then you'd spent the last four hours cooking to make sure his favourite meal was made perfectly for him you didn't want a single thing to go wrong because you wanted to make everything flawless for him.

"Shit." You grumbled hearing the front doorbell being rang, you looked at the table and smiled it was laid out ready for you to eat and the food was being kept warm in the oven. You looked down at your jeans and top in the mirror and then rushed to open the front door.

"Han-Ah!" You giggled throwing your arms around him and bringing him into the apartment,

"You're cooking?" He asked looking over at the kitchen, that's when you noticed the take out bag in his hands.

"Did I not mention that?" You groaned, out of all the things you could have done to go wrong it was not telling him that you were cooking for you both that night.

"Shit." You groaned shutting the front door and walking him through to the kitchen,

"You made my favourite?!" You nodded and he put the take out onto the side,

"We'll have it tomorrow or later, I want to eat what my beautiful girlfriend cooked for me," He brought you into his arms and smiled at you, you stared up into his eyes and noticed he was wearing blue contacts,

"Contacts?" He nodded and then went to take them out in your bathroom while still shouting to talk to you through the house,

"We were shooting something secret today." You were smiling widely as he came back into the room and he knew instantly what you were thinking,

"No, I can't. I already told you about the comeback date I can't keep spilling secrets to you." You walked up to him and stuck out your bottom lip giving him your best puppy dog eyes.

"Please Han-ah, it'll be our little secret." You pouted and he groaned closing his eyes, he would give you anything if you looked at him like that and you knew it.

Felix:

"It's an emergency!" He yelled over the phone as you rushed over to the dorms,

"What?! Did you hurt yourself?! Is someone else hurt?!" You panicked hurrying up the staircase to their door, you opened it right away to see Felix standing there with Seungmin, their heads hung low.

"What?!" You yelled wanting to know what was so important that he woke you up at 3 am.

"We burnt the food..." Felix whispered you stared at him and then to Seungmin who was still hanging his head.

"You woke me up at 3 in the morning because you burnt food?!" You asked rubbing your eyes and looking down at your outfit. You were dressed in fluffy pants and a top you'd stolen from Felix the last time you were at the dorms.

"Yes." He laughed pulling you into the kitchen to get you to look at what they'd done,

"How did you mess up pancakes?! It's the easiest thing to cook." You began cleaning off what they'd been trying to cook, and then asked Felix to fetch the ingredients for you.

"Don't cook anything, I still don't understand how you messed this up?" You asked as you put the pan on to heat, you threw your hair up into a makeshift ponytail and got ready to show him how to make the perfect fluffy pancakes.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?" He asked trying to soften you up,

"I love you too but I'm still stealing a hoodie in revenge for this." You patted his cheeks and began plating up the pancakes for him and a hungry-looking Seungmin.

"and I'm staying the night but you can bunk with Seungmin." You yawned walking away from the kitchen and  in the direction of Felix's room where you curled up under the sheets ready to just pass out and sleep for a week.

Seungmin:

Seungmin had invited you around to the dorms since all the boys were out for vacation and he wanted to cook with you but you had other plans, he was always cooking for you whenever you went around to the dorms so you wanted to cook for him this time. You brought along everything you needed to make him his favourite meal, that's why you were currently dancing around the kitchen in one of his shirts and singing along to their album. Seungmin watched from the door as you hadn't noticed he was out of the shower yet, you didn't notice him standing there until you heard him chuckling at your attempt to dance along to Miroh.

"Seungmin." You whined hiding behind the wall and peaking out to see him staring at you with a giant smile on his face,

"You looked cute." You poked your tongue out at him and he proceeded to show you videos and photos of you dancing and singing.

"If you show those to anyone else I will never talk to you again." You mumbled staring at the photos and he chuckled,

"I guess it's going to be a quiet night, I already sent it to the group chat." You groaned loudly going to take the meat off the heat before it burnt the dorms down.

"You're evil! Everyone thinks you're this little angel but you're pure evil." You jokingly ranted plating up the food and leaning back into his arms,

"Shut up, you looked cute." He whispered kissing you on the cheek trying to warm you up but you weren't going to give in that easily,

"I get to pick the movie since you've been so mean to me." You giggled at him and he nodded agreeing to it as long as it meant you would talk to him properly again.

Jeongin:

This was a disaster, you were supposed to be making a lovely meal for Jeongin for him to eat when he got home from the studio but you'd messed up everything, you had no idea how it even happened one minute everything was fine and the next the oven was on fire and I.N was reaching for the fire extinguisher.

"It's fine," He assured you as he rubbed your shoulders but you shook your head at him trying not to cry over something that seemed so small but it was a huge deal to you,

"No, it's not. How did I even mess pasta up!? You just boil it." You groaned looking at the oven which was now covered in water and foam from the fire extinguisher, the pasta was well and truly ruined now and there was no coming back for it.

"I mean you did burn the bottom of the pan and then spill oil into the open flame." You groaned at the thought of what you'd done laying your head back against his chest making him chuckle at you, but you didn't find it funny like he did. You found it humiliating that you'd almost burnt the entire apartment down just by making pasta something that everyone, even Felix could do without burning something down.

"I'll order us something." He said as he looked at the oven again, there was no coming back from this, you were never going to live this moment down for as long as you were going to live but I.N was going to keep it a secret, he wouldn't expose you like that just tease you about it privately out of love.

Tagline for Stray Kids Posts: (I don’t know if the people that are on my usual tagpost want to be posted in this too, if you do feel free to let me know) 

@yoongisdumplingcheeks @jooniesdarlingdimples 

[keytomythoughts]

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index 

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually. 

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

                                                               Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu) 

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

                                                                                                                      Funny

                                                                        Yk I can’t move out, at least not on                                                                            my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

:/

What about Jaehyun?

                                                                            Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

                                                                       They’re just hell-bent on me getting                                                                                    into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

                                                                                                                        Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

                                                                 Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

                                                                         Me crying and stuffing myself with                                                                           pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

                                                                         Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

                                                                  And that’s bc you were there dumbass                                                                    and half of the time ur either in oppa’s                                                                    room or out somewhere

                                                                  Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

                                                                                                           I miss y’all :’(

                                                                   Ok I should be there around like 5 ish                                                                     so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo 

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

                                                                                           Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

                                                                               Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol 

                                                                                             See? My point exactly

                                                                               Your fAcE scared off every girl                                                                                   in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

                                                                           I almost feel bad for them, u little                                                                             heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

                                                                                                                     Rlly?!?

                                                                                                                         YAH

                                                                                                               U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

                                                                                    U JERK HOW COULD U??

                                                                                              Those poor girls omg

                                                                               Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

                                                                                         And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

                                                                                                        Can it u demon

                                                                                                         Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated. 

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends. 

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side. 

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another. 

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.  

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?” 

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.” 

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away. 

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.” 

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”   

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.” 

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation. 

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide. 

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?” 

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!” 

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail. 

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul. 

What can I say? It’s a talent. 

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder. 

“Good to be back,” I whisper. 

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment. 

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat. 

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  

[violetnotez]

Is the this the longest fic Ive ever written? Yes. Does it suck? Also yes. Will nobody read it because it makes no sense but Im still going to post because I wasted way too much damn on this thing? TRIPLE YES.

Word count: 10.4k words (she thicc)

Genre: Angst and Fluff, sfw

AU: Fantasy AU!, Hanahaki disease

Prompt: “How could your keep this from?”

Warnings: blood

Summary: You are born into a worls where you must marry your best friend, Prince Shoto, in order to unite your kingdoms in harmony. You are happy to marry your childhood friend and love, until he leaves for a quest unannounced, and you are left questioning if you really want to marry him. Once he returns a few weeks before your planned wedding, you begin to not fall in love with him, but one of his comrades- the barbarian, Bakugo. 

*this is for the even for @bnhabookclub​! Heres the link to the post if your interested!

Again. welcome to the shitshow that is my blog. read at your own risk cause this gets REAL WIERD REAL QUICK

Petals-all you could see were the petals.

Your mouth and  throat felt so dry, your forehead damp with sweat as your back convulsed painfully, raspy coughs wracking out of your chest as you forced the petals out of your body.

They were so pale, like creamy vanilla, a stark contrast from the droplets of your blood splattered on the delicate buds.

You quickly reached for your handkerchief, wiping the residue off your dry mouth in fear of it dribbling on to your white dress-your wedding dress. Your hands were shaking, unable to cry any more tears at your misery-you had come to terms many weeks ago that you were going to reach an unhappy end.

Why did it have to be him?

----------------

You were the princess of your kingdom, destined to marry Prince Shoto of the neighboring kingdom. It was something you two had been accustomed to from birth- in order to connect  the two kingdoms and end the quarrels between the two civilizations, you had to marry. It would be a harmonious marriage: Prince Shoto was kind, soft spoken, and a natural born leader. You two had been wonderful friends as siblings, your fathers putting away their troubles in order for you two to get along. They were hoping that by making you friends at a young age, you would learn to grow feelings for each other.

 For a time, it worked-you had fallen for Prince Shoto, his soft yet powerful demeanor making you  blush each time you remembered him, your young hands writing your name with his last in your journal like a prayer. At 13 you already began to count down the days until you would turn 18, because on that day, you were set to marry your predestined lover- Shoto Todoroki.

For years you had felt so lucky you were blessed with such a sweet boy to be with, being able to live out your lives harmoniously and in peace, something both your parents didn't have the luxury to have. It sometimes left you feeling frustrated- Shoto was truly kind, but very quiet about his thoughts. Your love felt one sided, Shoto seemingly only tolerating you because he had to. 

Once he got older, he became more distant towards you, clearly wishing to rebel against his father’s wishes by being distant towards you. It hurt you immensely to see your best friend and crush plainly reject you, but you still held on to the hope that you two could be happy with each other. Yet all that changed when the Prince had left for a quest.

He had been gone for what seemed like an eternity and for a time, you were extremely worried. You could barely focus on your studies, only imagining your poor friend somewhere cold, hungry, and alone. You knew he would be fine, he was a resilient fighter, but yet you couldn't help but allow the worrisome thoughts to collect in your brain. After news that the Prince was in a neighboring kingdom, safely traveling with a young boy, a witch, and a warrior, you felt at ease- with all those comrades, he was sure to be safe. You finally breathed a sigh of relief, able to calm your anxieties after a long time of being unable to.

 Information continued to trickle in, sometimes good and sometimes bad, but it always stated that the Prince was spotted safe and sound. You took solace in that information, and for awhile, you began to worry less and less about Shoto, until he was barely a memory.

During that time, you had begun to take on the habit of reading. Before it was a task you simply did when forced or extremely bored, only reading books and stories from your own kingdom. 

With so much extra time on your hands waiting upon the Prince to return, you began to learn of other stories, ones that were trully a delight to you: stories of nomads who traveled the country and did rituals to bring them fortunes, women who sold potions by gathering mystical ingredients from the woods, people choosing their own destines and their own paths. It intrigued you- from birth you had one mission for your life: to unite your kingdoms. Once you married Prince Shoto, your destiny would be complete: and then what would you do? You had no other purpose, except being a symbol of that peace for the rest of your life, sitting pretty on a throne until your last breath. 

It began to eat at your insides, gnaw at your conscience that you were merely a pawn in your father’s legacy. You could now fully understand why Shoto had been so defiant: he had realized the truth of his life as well.

Slowly, you began to learn to dread instead of anticipate your wedding day. With the Prince being gone, it was sending quite a ruckus in your home, your father more annoyed with each passing day that the Prince had not come back. You, on the other hand, rejoiced. The kings had both agreed at your times of birth that if anything happened to either child before your 18th birthday, the agreement would be cancelled and the marriage no more. They would rely on their children to fix their broken ties. 

You had just turned 17, the mental clock beginning to tick  in you and your father’s minds, as the Prince still wasn't back form his quest. Just a few more months, and you would both have your wishes: Shoto seemed to have no interest in marrying you, and why should you even for that matter? You two truly didnt love each other- your friendship was a hoax your fathers had created in order to save their own legacies. Your love for each other was man-made and a lie. Just a few more months, and you'd be free of this terrible fate.

------------

The day you turned 17 and a half, you were busying yourself on your plush pink bed, reading another novel about free spirited women in a far off land.

“Princess y/n,” your hand maiden opened the door quietly, afraid of disturbing you, “the King would like to speak with you.”

You gave your shy handmaiden a small smile, delicately marking the spot in your book as your feet landed on the cold floor. 

“Thank you,” you replied, “Ill be there shortly.”

You entered your father’s study, his feet stomping the room heavily as he paced in deep thought.

The room was grand, a golden chair sitting in front of an old ebony desk, the room surrounded by maps, battle plans, and bookcases full of legends of stories written long before your time. Light flitted through long windows against the wall, looking out to the rural countryside and a matching red carpet run the lengths of the stone floors.

Your entrance seemed to have disturbed your Father’s train of thought, his head instantly looking to see who had interrupted him. Once he saw it was you, he sighed, greeting you with a tight smile.

“You wished to see me Father?’ you asked politely, your fingers tugging nervously at the sleeves of your dress. Your father never called upon you unless it was extremely important- had you done something wrong? You wracked your mind for any actions that would had been unwise for your father to find out, but to your surprise, you couldnt think of a single thing you had done.

“Yes, yes,” your father said hastily, waving his hands toward a small wooden chair at the foot of his desk, “please-sit. We have much to discuss.”

You sat on the hard chair, a chill traveling your back as you watched your father sit in his plush throne, his face clearly tired.

“As we all know, Prince Shoto has been on a quite a long quest for some time,” your father began, his voice deep with annoyance, “and has not come back. And with your 18th birthday fast approaching, and it worries me that the boy wont be back in time for your marriage. I have talked to King Todoroki about my worries,  who also had the same fear, and he promised to bring the boy back and end his little shenanigan. But Shoto refuses to leave until his quest is complete.” 

Your father took in a deep breath through his nose, his face a mix of anger and agitation.

Your heart beat excitedly- the prince wasnt coming back? The news bounced happily inside you, giving you some hope that you needed- that must have been why he had gone on that quest in the first place! Even though you were excited, you felt a tightness in your chest- you were childhood firend after all. He really didnt like you that much that he felt he had to run away?

“Oh dont look so solemn daughter,” your father comforted, his voice soft with sympathy,” Shotos father allowed the boy to finish his quest in 5 months’ time, and he is forced to return to his kingdom. In the meantime, we can not forget the whole reason for your marriage like young Todoroki has- you must connect the kingdoms in order to bring harmony.``

“Which is why,” your father added, “we must begin to plan the wedding.”

Your head shot up, the feeling of shock flooding your body. It was still going to happen? Your body began to feel heavy, your father's words fuzzy against your ear- you didn't want this, any of this. You felt trapped like a songbird in a cage, unable to scream out what you desperately wanted to say: if he didnt love you, you didnt want any part of this.

Your father seemed to not notice the look of terror on your face, continuing to inform you of his plan. “We already have sent out invitation to relatives and noblemen in other countries, as well as begin to plan out the festivities. It will be a 3 day event, full of food and parties and, of course, the celebration of our kingdoms coming together. The closer to the date, we will begin to need you for fittings of your dresses as well as rehearse your wedding vows and such. I promise I will make this as wonderful as I can, for you are my only daughter.” 

The king smiled at you, wrapping your stiff body into a hug. You could barely feel his embrace- the world was numb to your screaming mind. You wished upon everything in you to end this, to make this all go away, but you knew you couldn't- you would be forced to do this whether you wanted to or not. 

You simply nodded your head to your father’s parting words, and then ran to your quarters, shutting the door and ceremoniously throwing yourself on your bed in defeat.

--------------

For days you felt numb and broken, all fight leaving your body. You watched as all your handmaidens and servants ran like chickens around the castle, preparing for the enormous festivities coming in close time. You were a good and proper princes, silently placid and allowing everything around you to happen.

 Flower arrangements, samples of sweets, and  fabrics for your dresses all came to you, and you agreed to all of them or just randomly choose. You could care less for your “special day”- the only thing you could truly hope for was prince Shoto ignoring his father’s wishes and not coming back.

That, of course, was a wishful fantasy. You were having a blissful dream when your hand maiden barged into your room, clearly too excited to be considerate of your sleeping state.

“Miss y/n! Miss y/n! Oh please wake up! There is most wonderful news!” she cried excitedly, gently pulling the covers off your body, “You must get ready at once!”

“Prince Shoto- he is back from his quest!”

---------

The whole of the kingdom rejoiced at the news, since he had arrived a month before the wedding. He was here, ready to marry and unite the kingdom. That was all that truly mattered.

Your handmaiden dressed you in your most elegant gown, the icy aqua color bringing out the rosiness of your cheeks, as she placed pearly ornaments in your hair. You felt like you were being presented as a gift to the Prince, a reminder of what he was destined to do. You sighed, dreading having to reunite with your once friend and secret love.

Shoto was standing in the ballroom of your castle, very accustomed to it since you both played here occasionally as children. He was used to the golden floors and the crystal chandeliers the sizes of boulders, all hung gracefully in a row on the ebony ceiling. Him and his company were standing shoulder to shoulder, facing the polished staircase cascading towards them.

He looked at his new found friend’s faces, their expressions clearly in shock. Izuku, his face ruddy with dirt and his cheeks aflame from nervousness as he twisted his shirt between his fingers (a nervous tick Shoto had noticed).  Uraraka gawked at the room around her in awe, her wide eyes drinking up the scene in front of her. Bakugo was least impressed, his arms crossed in front of his exposed chest and his eyes formed in judgmental slits.

 Shoto had told the others before why he had to go back, but only after the quest was over- he wanted to help his new found friends, and after promising to help them in their battle, he would have felt extremely guilty leaving them behind. 

Their reactions were mixed when he revealed he had a marriage in a few weeks time- Izuku was clearly shocked yet in awe hed be marrying a princess, while Uraraka seemed to find the situation romantic. Bakugo simply laughed, mocking him from being such a “sissy” for actually getting married in the first place.

Shoto was feeling conflicted inside at the moment- it had been so long since he had last seen you, and when he had, he was less than kind to you. He was quiet, distant, and quite petty about the whole situation of your marriage. You had turned barely 17 when he left, his young body desperate for some adventure and resilient to his father’s wishes. He merely saw you as a nuisance, someone in the way of his freedom. He knew it was unkind and unjustified, you didn't know what was going on inside him, but he was angry nevertheless and desperate to leave. So when he was approached by young boy in need of a friend for his quest, it was hard to resist the offer.

But as nights when on and he had time to be alone with his thoughts, his mind always seemed to travel to you. The way you giggled, your laughs sounding like chimes in the wind, or how your smile always seemed to make his skin tingle with warmth.

 You were always a strange girl, but always in the best way, daring Shoto to races even thought your father said it was “unlike a princess to do so” or trying to braid Shoto’s mix-matched hair.

 He would never forget the day he had allowed you to do so, your nimble fingers soft against his skin and making him burn up from nervousness. Your touch was so calming and soothing, your small compliments and soft voice sending his soul soaring with pleasure. It was then he realized he had loved you for you, not because he was forced to.

Shoto felt guilty for forgetting those cherished memories in his fits of anger, but he had agreed to help Izuku and he vowed to not give up on that promimse. Months went on, and Shoto couldnt tell how much time had passed: he only hoped you were doing okay without him. 

It wasnt until his father had came to collect him that he realized how short he was on time. He had still stuck by his friends, yet the constant reminders of your wedding was in the air, haunting him. They would travel through kingdoms, the whispers of this event following him as the townspeople began to talk. It was a wonder his friends never caught on except him, only to find out weeks before your wedding.

Now Shoto was standing in the ballroom, feeling quite nervous- he hadnt seen you in so long….would you look any different? He was certain your beauty had grown by then, the thought of you looking older and more womanly bringing a blush to his cheeks. How would you see him? He had become quite a different person on his quest, his body becoming more hardened from battles with bandits and the harsh life of travelling. Would you feel the same for him still? Were you just as excited as you were so many years ago to finally be together?

Shoto heard the clicks of shoes on the wooden floor, a man with the straightest back he had ever seen standing proudly at the steps of the stairs.The man took a deep breath, his voice traveling through the room as he announced your arrival to the group of travelers. 

Yet Shoto didnt hear a single word he said- he was enraptured by your beauty. You had seemed to turn into a fine young woman since he had last seen you, your curves accentuated by the tightness of your gown, the blue complimenting you perfectly. Your hair flowed in soft ringlets on your back, the pearls in your hair like stars. You were an angel blessed to this planet- an angel he was destined to marry.

The only thing that was worrying him was your expression- he had expected you to seem so much more lively, welcoming the bright smile you would always give him when you saw him. But now, your face was gone of any warmth, looking almost numb to the situation as you looked down at the group.

You traveled down the stairs, hating the way your name sounded in the announcer's voice. This was all so cliche- the Prince comes from a quest, and there is the Princess, simply a prize for his hardwork. A trophy of sorts for doing a good deed. Why did it have to be this why? Why couldnt you feel anything? The world had felt so cold for so long, feeling trapped due to the lack of control you had. Everything had seemed to loose its splendor and color, your vision for weeks turning gray in sadness-

Until you saw him.

The ash blonde boy, his hair unruly and his eyes a bright red like blood. He was clad in strange clothes, like a barbarian, his chest completely open and showcasing his taut muscles. You were intrigued by him- you had only seen likes of him in books and stories you read. He was so different, so menacing, and you wanted to know more. He was the only thing you could focus on, not taking any time to look at the others in the group, including Shoto.

Shoto was the first to reach you, unafraid to approach you like the rest of the group as you reached the bottom of the steps.

“Y/n-” he said, his voice deep and airy, “you look-wonderful.”

You gave him a small smile, but it made his heart sink- you didnt look happy at all. It seemed forced, far from the bright grins you used to send his way all the time.

“As do you, Shoto. You look quite different from when we last saw each other.”

You quickly turned your attention away from him, focusing on his new comrades instead.

 “I assume these are the young heroes that accompanied you on your journey?”

“Y-yes!” the young boy with the unruly green hair stuttered, nervously bowing his head. He was quite adorable in a way, his small stature and freckles dusted on his cheeks giving him a child-like quality (even though he was most likely your age). “My name is Izuku Midoriya!”

You gave a reassuring smile to the young boy, trying to make him feel comfortable.

 “It is wonderful to meet you Izuku.”

You began to walk towards the girl know, her pointy yet colorful hat signaling that she was a light witch, a sorceress who used your powers for good.

The girl shimmied in her dusty boots, clearly as nervous as the boy. She lifted the corners of her cloth dress, bowing slightly. 

“My name is Ochaco Uraraka, your highness,” she smiled sweetly, her cheeks dusted in a pinky glow.

“Ochaco…” you mused over the name, its sound foregin yet light on your tongue, “you are a light witch, I assume?”

“Yes, yes I am!” the girl practically squealed, relief seemingly flooding her face. ‘How did you know?”

You giggled a her amazement at you, completely unaware apparently that she had the most witch-like outfit you had ever seen.

“A lucky guess,” you shrugged your shoulders playfully as you began to walk again, your heart beginning to race as you edged toward the barbarian.

You stopped in front of the man, his stature a head taller than yours. You eyes looked slightly up at him, your cheeks reddening- he was much more handsome up close, his rugged features making you feel breathless. He un-apologetically judged you with his vermilion eyes, looking you up and down with scorn.

Why did you find that so attractive?

“And you are-” 

“My name is Bakugo.” he instantly interrupted you, his voice deep and velevty like syrup, “thats all you need to know.”

“Bakugo?” Your brain searched for any name similar to that, but found none- this boy was definitely a foreigner, most likely from far off lands you could only dream of. You had no idea why he followed Shoto back to the kingdom, but you were happy he did- he was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

“A warrior, I assume by your garments,” you nodded, your eyes trailing to his torso “and by the looks of your scars, an experienced one.”

He scoffed at your observations, his eyes rolling in his sockets.

“For a princess, your eyes wander a damn lot. But yeah- Im hella of a good warrior. Best in the kingdoms.”

You cocked an eyebrow at his language, your cheeks red  by his comment. He was so unapologetic and rude, yet- it was intoxicating to you. 

“I’m glad to here that.”

Shoto was eyeing you sadly the whole time- what was so different between you two? Why did you seem so welcoming to the others but so distant to him? His face began to turn red with fury as he watched you interact with Bakugo, the way Bakugo insulted you so plainly and cockily making him want to yell. He watched as your face had light up for just a moment when you spoke with him, something Shoto didn't get the luxury to experience. 

He also noticed what Bakugo had vocalized- you eyes did wander when you looked at him. Shoto at first tried to rationalize that you were simply being curious, since Bakugo was definitely a strange sight for you, but the way your cheeks blushed and you smiled so warmly at him made him think otherwise.

 What did you see in that barbarian that you didnt with Shoto? 

You looked again at the odd group, taking a deep breath through your lungs.

“I want to congratulate you all for your successful quest,” you began, the lines slightly rehearsed, “and as thanks from my father for bringing back Prince Shoto, he would like to welcome you all for dinner tonight. We  would love to hear all about your journey then,” you then snuck one last look at Bakugo, his eyes boaring into yours. It was making you feel a warmth inside that you had thought long ceased.

You instantly looked down at your hands, your cheeks feeling hot. You knew this was wrong- you shouldn't feel smitten for any other boy, especially this warrior, yet you couldnt help it- you were entranced by his resilience and the freedom he had, something you could only dream of. 

“If youll excuse me, I have - things to attend to. It was a pleasure to see you all” you gave the group a tight smile, turning your back quickly from the group to follow your handmaiden back to your quarters.

Shoto watched you until you were gone, his heart beating painfully. He wished he could run up to you, grab you by your wrist and ask you what was the matter. It was still him, your friend for all those years, and you were still you, his love and his best friend. Were you beginning to forget, like he did? He felt his stomach drop painfully at the idea- he would ask you, tonight. He would figure out what had happened between you two, and fix it.

--------------

You were now at dinner, sitting stiffly as you moved your food around your plate, your tight corset making you feel un-hungry. All night you had been detached and quiet, feeling almost sick by your surroundings. Your father was overly outgoing to the guest,giving you side-eyed glances and trying to enter you in the conversation. You would simply smile and nod, occasionally throwing in a comment before returning to squishing your food between your utensils.

The only time you ever seemed interested was when Bakugo would speak. His comments were all snarky and rude, completely self centered about how strong or intelligent he was.

 He was constantly proving his worth throughout the dinner, taking over the story of their journey when he saw fit, making sure everyone knew he was the most capable one of the group. It was obscene, his remarks, his language, even his personality, but- you were intrigued by it. The only person he had to listen to was himself. It was so intoxicating to watch him talk, to hear what other remarks would leave his mouth. Whenever he spoke, you stood up a little straighter, taking time to take in any information he gave about himself and immortalize it  into your brain.

Shoto had felt awkward the whole meal, not knowing how to gauge your emotions. You seemed so distant, as if a stranger was sitting next to him. He wished he could enter your mind, detangle all the emotions and thoughts that were keeping you from being yourself around him. There was no laughter, no genuine smiles, no happiness came from you. This bothered him- you were usually so cheerful. His nervousness was eating the inside of his stomach, as his mind still couldn't figure out how to approach you after dinner.

“-and the wedding will be a three day celebration, full of festivities,” your father continued boisterously, his voice booming embarrassingly around the room, “Shoto and y/n will be the main attention, of course, over 200 noblemen will see them share vows-”

The sound of your chair pushing away echoed throughout the dining hall, making the whole group look to you. You cleared your throat delicately, a hand resting on your chest.

“Excuse me for my rudeness, but Im feeling- unwell,” you sighed a quick smile.

“Are you alright, do I need to-” the king asked, his eyes full of concern as you shook of his worries.

“Oh no, Im completely fine- just a headache,” you gave a pained smile, “I hope you all enjoy the rest of the meal.”

Shoto watched you walk away, desperate to make sure he knew which way you went in this large castle. He instantly pushed away from the table as well, rising quietly. 

“I- uh-am full, thank you for the meal,” he bowed to the King slightly, placing his napkin on his plate as he rushed out, confusing the group that was left.

Izuku and Ochaco looked at each other, their cheeks red with embarrassment and shock as they looked at Bakugo, who was clearly not bothered by the disturbance. Ochaco then looked at the king, who was clearly confused by the whole ordeal, as an awkward air lay heavy on the table.

Ochaco hastily took a large bite from her plate, filling her mouth with food- “MMMMMM!” she exaggerated, trying to start up conversation again, “I LOVE the ham!” 

------------

Shoto ran around the castle, looking through every corridor and door, searching for you.His head was racing, trying to organize his thoughts in his minds. He needed to figure out how to speak to you- should he act normal, like nothing was wrong? Should he be formal and see how that went? Angry? Upset? He didnt know how to approach you, but he knew he had to do it.

 He finally saw your gown turn an empty hallway, his feet picking up pace. He quickly was able to catch up once he could pin point your location, his hand wrapping around your wrist in order to stop you. 

 You felt slender,cool fingers wrap around your skin, making your body run cold. You instantly jumped by the sudden touch, all breath leaving your body as you turned around quickly.

Your wide eyes met the mix matched orbs of Shoto, a small pang of annoyance filling your body from getting so scared.

“Shoto,” you replied breathlessly, slightly happy though it was only him and not somebody else that had grabbed you.

“I-uh-y/n,” he replied back, his mind going blank.

He let go of your wrists, his hands resting at the side of his body. “I-Im sorry to scare you like that,” he apologized, “I just- wanted to speak to you. If you’ll let me.”

You looked at the boy, his eyes now averting yours, probably from nerves. You decided to listen, turning your body to him. 

“Apology accepted,” you said plainly, “What did you want to speak about?”

Shoto drew a blank- what did he want to talk about? He loved hearing your voice, finally only reserved for him, but yet you seemed preoccupied. Distant. Like you were on another world and not truly there with him.

He stared at you lightly, looking extremely conflicted. “I-I wanted to talk to you about what happened while I was gone.”

“You explained quite plainly what happened on your journey,” you replied, clearly not in the mood to talk, “I applaud you for your bravery, it must have been quite a difficult journey-” you gave him a small bow, your eyes gone of any warmth. “I really must go to bed, Im sorry, but i do feel-”

You began to walk away again, Shoto desperate to keep you near him. He walked in font you, blocking your path.

“You didnt here me correctly-” he changed his wording this time, trying to be as specific as possible. “I want to know what happened to you while I was gone.”

You eyebrows turned down in confusion. “What are you trying to say Shoto?”

He swallowed, trying to clear his dry throat as he licked his lips, conflicted. 

“You seem-different.”

“Its been a year and a half since I last saw you, Shoto,” you reasoned, “of course Ill be different.”

“Yes, but-” he paused, “youre too different. Youre not the same y/n I knew.”

“Why? Because Im not following you around like a love sick puppy?” Annoyance began to bubble inside, feeling attacked by Shoto’s words. “Because I finally got over the fact you didnt love me ? You dont have to pretend Shoto, I know full well you only see me as a nuisance.”

Shock flooded Shoto’s system as your icy words pierced his skin. What happened to you? Yes, he was rude to you before he left, but he didnt feel like that anymore. That was a simple phase, were you going to define him by that?

“I dont see you as a nuisance, y/n.”

“Really?” you scoffed at his words. “then tell me why your father had to go out to find you twice before you finally decided to come back?”

“I made a promise to my friends. I had to finish my quest before-”

“You had a promise to me, Shoto!” you yelled exasperatedly, your heart bursting with hurt. “To your family! To my family! Our people! What was so much more important than that?”

“I was so worried about you Shoto, terrified for you. Those first few months I couldnt think of anything but you.” You were beginning to reveal a lot, too much, but the emotions, the hurt, the anger, was flooding out of you like a broken dam and you couldn't stop it. 

“But then I realized that you didnt care for me. You thought I didn't notice how you gave me the cold shoulder those last few months? How you ignored me,  only gave me quick answers, acted as if I was just a pest following you around? I remembered all of it, and then I realized- you left because of me.”

“You left because of me, didn't you, Shoto?” your voice was harsh and crude like metal, stabbing into Shoto’s conscience.

He stayed silent- how could he say anything back? Your words were making him feel small and foolish- he should have known that you would have noticed his change in demeanor, just as he noticed yours.

You smiled painfully at his silence, feeling a fresh cut of pain slash inside you. “I knew it.”

“Y/n, I-” There was so much he wanted to say, things he wanted to take back. He didnt want this meeting to go like this- with you even more distant to him. Out of all the possible outcomes, this had to be the worst one. 

“Dont even try to backtrack Shoto, I know the truth now,you just confirmed it.”

He knew he was less than kind to you before he left, but know it wasnt like that anymore. Why were you so angry?

“Fine-yes-I left, and it wasnt right,” he admitted, his voice deep, “but Im back. Why are you putting my old self against me now?”

“Because I couldn't for the year and half you were gone! I-I loved you Shoto, and you-”

“You dont love me anymore?” Shoto looked down at you sadly, his eyes full of sorrow. It felt like his heart was breaking in two, the way those words spilled out your mouth so easily making it sting even more.

You swallowed, filling a pit grow in your chest. Everything felt so cold, so empty. This was your best friend- why couldn't you just be nice to him? You thought you had gotten over all this.

“You dont love me-so  why should I love you?” your voice was barely a whisper, cold and empty in the frigid hallway.

Shoto stared down at you, his voice caught in his throat. Did you really believe that? That he didnt love you?You had been friends since children- you really thought all those times, all those days you played together, were all fake? Who even were you?

“I just want you to know,” you spoke, your voice monotone and  icy,” Im not doing this for my father, or your father, or even you. Im doing this for my people and thats it.”

“It” meaning the wedding.

Tears began to prickle your lashline, confusion flooding your numb body as you began to walk away from Shoto- 

you hadnt cried in what seemed like forever. 

Why were you now? 

“Y/n, please, can we just talk-” he tried to reason, harsh with desperation. 

“No.” your voice was plain in its tone that you were done with the conversation.

 “Im just curious Shoto- why did you come back? Because if I had the luxury to have all that freedom, to be free for once- I wouldnt.”

Shoto’s heart felt broken  as he watched you walk away, your dress ruffling as you continued on your path. He felt defeated, confused, even angry- what had happened to you since he had been gone? Did you really hate him that much? What did you mean you had no freedom? More questions flooded his mind than what were answered, but he now knew one thing- you didnt want anything to do with him.

As Shoto’s was returning to his corrdiors sadly, you were lost in thought, just feeling- empty. You didnt feel sad, or angry, or even spitefu anymorel. Just- numb to the world. You could walk for miles and miles it seemed and you wouldnt feel a thing. 

Why was that? Why were so mean to your long lost firend? You should be hugging him from happiness and relief-not meeting him with coldness and hate. 

As you were lost in thought, you didn't even notice yourself running into a person. Your hand instantly reached out, meeting soft yet rough skin. You looked up in confusion ,and your breath hitch- it was the barbairan, his vermilion eyes like rubies as he stared down at you in scorn.

“Oi, watch were your going you damn princess,” he scolded,pushing you off him gently. You stumbled slightly, trying to get your footing right- you had run in to him, you had even touched him. If you were feeling alright, and if the circumstances were different, you could practically squeal. “Youre gonna hurt someone.”

“Did I hurt you?”  

He scoffed at your comment. “Like you could ever hurt me,” his voice was deep and velvety, his comment sending shocwaves into your system. The reply was prideful, yet it could have been- sweet. Kind, in a way in a different light- maybe he meant it like that?

“How do you know that?” you blurted out, a small smirk crawling across your lips.

You just wanted him to talk more, to hear that velvety voice directed towards you- but you were close to flirting with him. What were you doing? What was going on with you? 

One second you were chewing out your life time friend weeks before your wedding, and now you were being smitten with a random man you didn't even know.

He chuckled slightly, his canines glinting. “Your a fucking handful, arentcha?”

He eyed your wobbling feet, as you still were finding your footing slightly.

“You clearly cant walk right-you feeling fine, because Im not gonna be the one who carries you-”

“No, no , Im fine.” you reassured, your cheeks rosy. ‘Thank you for catching me.”

“Youre the one who ran into me.”

“You could have just pushed me off though, you seem like the type to do that,” you gave him a cheeky grin, it disappearing when you heard a slight growl come form him.

“The hell you mean princess?” he was trying to be menacing, but you could tell there was something behind it- he was curious. You loved how he called you “princess”, making it sound like a pet name than  a title.

“Your a lone wolf, are you not? You are strong, independent, free-” you began to list off, your eyes focusing on his, “you follow your own code and beliefs”

“Damn right I do,” he agreed, your heart soaring that he looked so proud of you for describing him so perfectly. “-which is why Im confused as hell that half-and-half prince is allowing himself to get married.”

Ouch.

The small amount of hope that Bakugo seemed to like  you had quickly got destroyed, feeling hurt flood your body. You quickly tried to shake it off, so Bakugo couldn't see it on your face.

“What he even want to talk to you about anyway?” The boy shifted in his stance, his muscles moving with his movements.

You gulped, guilt filling your body- Shoto, the one who had just fought with. You couldnt tell this boy what had happened- that was private, and really, it was embarrassing.

“Just-uh-about-” you stammered, your cheeks red as you searched for a lie.

“Ugh, let me guess, you two were trading spit werent you?” he interrupted in disgust, taking your red cheeks as a sign you two were doing something unholy in the hallway. 

You swallowed, licking your lips as you gave him a tight lipped smile. You were just going to follow along with Bakugo’s line of reasoning- you didnt have any other better ideas. 

 “Y-yep, just- please dont tell anyone?” 

He gave a bitter laugh, his voice booming against your ears. “You guys cant get dirty? I guess that makes sense, since you all our royalty, cant be having any scandals-”

“Do you promise?” you rushed him, now feeling uncomfortable- if anybody heard you and Shoto were kissing in the hallway, and you two were really arguing-

“Yeah, dont worry princess, youre secrets safe with me.” 

You sighed a breath of relief, feeling your heart jump at the smirk the boy sent your way.

“Thank you- I- uh- best be going now,” you stammered, rushing past the warrior, “have a nice night Bakugo.”

You rushed to your room, your heart feeling on fire. Your hands were shaking, your mid racing- all you could think about was that boy. Your world had seemed so dark, until he showed up. His rude responses, his chaotic personality, his snarkiness, that overly prideful speech, his freedom- it was so intoxicating to you. You felt your heart pumping against your chest- you hadn't felt this alive in so long.

You suddenly felt very sick, your head feeling drowsy- maybe you were actually catching something, and thats why you were acting so strange? You were gasping for breath it seemed, your corset making it hard to breath. I felt like something was tightening around your chest, small prods poking into you from the inside- it was a strange sensation, one you did not welcome in the slightest. You stumbled to your bed, holding on to the post as your lungs felt tight with no air, liking something was blocking your passageway. Coughs began to erupt out of you, wracking your body until you finally felt you could breathe. You sucked in a deep breath, welcoming the sweet night air, your chest still feeling tight. You looked down at the ground, trying to slow your stammering heart, until your eyes feel upon something new- a single white petal, resting softly on the ground.

------------

After that night, You became obsessed with this boy, learning bits and pieces from him though conversation you had overheard from Shoto’s friends and workers inside the castle. You learned he was from an extremely far off land, past even the Mountains, which surprised you. He lived alone, and apparently had a dragon as well. He had  gotten in many fights due to his overly prideful personality, which was why he had so many scars decorating his taut body. Your handmaidens seemed to look at him with annoyance, saying he refused to wear anything “civilized” and would plainly cuss them out if they even set foot in his room to clean.

You knew he had a softer side though- he had kept your “secret” safe, right? You heard nothing around the castle about any make-out session or argument between you and Shoto. That little act made you feel special in someway- maybe he had a soft side for you?

Whenever you would feel yourself getting sucked into the sadness of planning your wedding, you’d think of fantasies with that barbarian boy. Him taking you in the middle of night, taking you far away from this place. His hands placed around your waist, that snarky smile looking down at you again.

 Seeing him walk around the castle grew a desperation and love in your body, watching his handsome face stare around the rooms, his voice loud and prideful- you wished he could look your way, acknowledge you again. His vermillion eyes sent fire into your soul whenever you closed his eyes, his face being a beacon of warmth in your life.

Yet that beacon of life was killing you from the inside- every day and every night you fantasized about Bakugo, the sickness taking over you grew worse and worse. The closer you got to your wedding day, the worse it felt, the vines inside you prickling at your soft organs. They were growing, you felt it, as you coughed up more and more petals. 

For a few days you had no idea what was going on, fear striking you as you wondered if you should ask to see a doctor. But you decided to do your own research, scourging through books until you found your sickness: Hanahaki. The the mythical disease for unrequited love. It was quite rare, but it came to the most lonely, delusional, and desperate of lovers.

 It made sense, really- it all started when you talked to Bakugo, after falling in his arms. It hurt he didnt love you back- but why should he? One run-in shouldn't make people fall in love with each other, but somehow it made you. You welcomed the pain alittle, as it was a reminder you still had some feeling other than emptiness inside you. It also terrfiied you- you were supposed to be in love with Shoto, not some barbarian from a far off land you barely spoke to.

  How had this happened, how could you let this happen?

Even if you did tell others you had Hanahaki, they would point the finger at Shoto, calling him cold and callous for not loving you. You were the one who was the cold one, pushing your old friend away. Even if you felt some residue of anger for him, you wouldn't put him through that- he didn't deserve it. You let this disease do its course- if it went away youd be freed, knowing that Bakugo loved you back, and if not- well, you’d figure that out when you got there.

You had barely talked to Shoto or even noticed him since that night, not realizing the amount of worry he felt towards you. Everyday that went by he noticed how sick you looked, your skin paling and you eyes losing any life. Every cough you tried to hold back he noticed and it rang in his ear like a terrible siren- there was something wrong with you.It ate at his insides, his fear of you pushing him away again making him scared to ask what was wrong.

------------

It was now the night before you wedding and you were feeling less than hopeful. You were supposed to be lively and happy, as your father had thrown a party to celebrate the events of the next day, yet you had no energy left in you to dance or socialize. You stayed in a dark corner, trying your best to blend in and not be noticed.

 The coughs were not leaving, and it felt like your chest was being constricted until you could barely breathe. The annoying tickle of a cough was constantly at the back of your throat, as you tried to keep the petals at bay. You were miserable.

“Princess, are you doing alright, you seem a little- pale? Do you need some water, or maybe fresh air,” the young witch Ochaco approached you, her rosy cheeks and bright eyes looking at you.

“Hello, Ochaco,” you greeted, your smile strained, “you know-fresh air would be nice.”

The sweet girl smiled at you, gingerly taking you by the crook of your elbow and out of the ballroom. The fresh air was rather nice, soothing your hurting brain and your sore lungs. You two walked in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Your mind was shifting around, thinking about Shoto and what would happen tomorrow. It hurt too much, though- you still were both not at speaking terms, and now you had to be promised to each other for eternity. The thought made your throat itch even more, and instead, you  switched to own of your many fantasies of Bakugo that brought you some comfort.

“So, how are you feeling? Nervous, excited, scared?” Ochaco asked gingerly

“About what?” you asked, looking at her with curiosity

“Uh,um-your wedding,” she giggled nervously, her cheeks growing red again. 

Oh-you cursed yourself for getting to invested in your fantasy, feeling embarrassed for thinking of Bakugo and not about Shoto.

You really didnt know how to answer her question-You felt yourself dreading it-how could you tell her that? But you didnt want to lie to her- lying to her would be practically evil, like giving a child a promise and not fulfilling it.

“Its expected of me to marry him,” you reasoned out carefully, “Ive been thinking of this day since I was a child.”

She gaped out you in awe. “Really?That early? In your kingdoms is it a tradition to marry from each other’s kingdoms?”

You gave her a wihsful smile. “Actually- no, it isnt. We’re the first ones.”

Her brown bob fluttered against her cheeks, her eyes staring up at you in confusion.

“I-if you dont mind me asking,” she asked nervously, “why is that?”

You sighed, giving her a small smile.

“Its kind of a long story….”

------------

“Long ago our two kingdoms began to quarrel against one another. But that happened years back- we still continued to fight against each other, and quite frankly, we forgot about why. We just knew we hated each other and wanted to see the other fail. My father had always said to me that my mother wished for her children to be born in a peaceful kingdom, yet my father’s pride prevented that from coming true for her.

“Until the day I was born- my mother, sadly, died while giving birth to me. My father now had no queen, and really, no future ruler, since I am a girl and only men can become ruler in my kingdom. In his grief, he began to feel sympathetic, I suppose- he knew King Todoroki had a young boy who was barely turning 4, and my father got an idea. He travelled to his kingdom, and somehow was able to talk King Todoroki into an agreement.” 

“In order to end the suffering of our two kingdoms, Shoto and I would marry once I turn 18, in which would bind our kingdoms forever in peace, with Shoto as ruling over both.”

Ochaco breathed out a large sigh, giving you a conflicted expression.

“So-thats why you two are getting married? Its arranged?”

You looked at her in confusion-“Didnt-Shoto tell you that? I thought Bakugo at least knew-” 

“Bakugo?” Ochaco blinked a few times, clearly puzzled. “Bakugo just thought it was quite, well, wierd Shoto was getting married- Bakugo is just a lone wolf who cant understand love I guess-”

You strangely felt angry at her words- how could she even say that about him? Yes, he was cold and callous at times, but how could she know he couldn't at least love? You knew he had to at least have some way of having feelings for another person, you had to at least hope for that-

“-it must be why he left last night,”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling a ton of bricks pound into your chest. 

“He-he left?

“Um yeah! Something about being ‘bored waiting around for a stupid’- oh my gosh, y/n are you alright!?” 

You were coughing up quite alot, your lungs dry and painful as your heart tore in two. He-he left. Without you. Without even a goodbye. 

After all that daydreaming, all that hope, that dedication to him, hoping he would notice you- he left. He never loved you, and you knew it- you were just so desperate for someone to take you, to teach you how to be free. 

You wanted him to teach you, to see potential in you that you could be just as defiant to the world as him. 

Uraraka wrapped her slender arms around your body, patting your back softly to help you rid your body of whatever had attacked you. It was taking everything in you to not let a single petal fall out, the itching in the back your neck unbearable as your heart beat agonizingly against horribly. 

You felt a few silky petals slip out of your mouth, soft against your dry tongue. Miraculously, Uraraka didn't suspect a thing- most likely from the darkness she couldn't see the disease overtaking you.

You gulped desperately for air, finally getting a hold on your lungs. 

“I-Im fine,” you panted out, raising from the floor on shaky knees. “Thank you”

Urarka gave you a pointed look, clearly not convinced. “Of course, but are you sure? Do you need water, or maybe I should get Shoto-”

“No!” you yelled out, covering your mouth in case of another attack.

You felt a little guilty for yelling at Uraraka so harshly, her wide eyes looking at you in shock-you just couldnt bear seeing Shoto when you were grieving over a lover that was never yours- and apparently dying from it too. 

“No, Im fine, really,” you said more calmly, trying to be reassuring, “lets, just- walk back, if thats okay-”

“Yes of course! Ill walk you to your room, just in case you get sick again-”

You two walked in silence again, you mulling over your broken heart as Uraraka watched you in worry. You two passed the ballroom, everyone seemingly enjoying themselves and not noticing you two as you lead the way to your room. 

You stepped up to the door, your hand grasping the doorknob until you paused, a question entering your mind. You were still confused why Uraraka said she didnt know your marriage was arranged-you would have expected Shoto to have told his group after saying he was getting married. 

Was he embarrassed by it, that he was marrying you?

“You said you were surprised to here our marriage was arranged,” you asked quietly, “Shoto never told you?”

Uraraka shuffled in her pink boots, her shoulder hunched close to her chin.

“He-uh-no,” she breathed out, “he said he made a promise to marry a girl he loved.”

-------------------

Morning. 

Daylight.

Wedding.

You should be feeling happy, excited, optmistic-you had been imagining this day since you were a child. But now, all you could feel was a coldness you couldnt seem to shake off- after your talk with Uraraka last night, you felt so confused.

The person you “loved” had never loved you, leaving you sick and hurt.

The person who did love you, you most likely pushed away to the point where they didnt love you anymore.

You couldnt even understand your emotions yourself. All night your sickness wouldnt leave your poor lungs alone, making you cough uncontrollably all night, the petals piling up around you.

You wouldn't allow anyone to see you in the morning, snatching your wedding dress from your hand maidens and putting in yourself. You fixed yourself up, trying to make yourself look as lively as possible, but it seemed impossible- you felt too empty inside to really put your heart into it.

Another round of coughs attacked your chest, a single petal dribbling out of your mouth, along with a speckle of blood. It dripped on the inner folds of your creamy white dress- easily disguisable if you made sure it was covered- yet it made you begin to cry.

What was going on? Why did you have to do this? Why were you still sick?  

Your knees hit the cold floor, wave after wave of tears and coughs struck your body in a terrible symphony, the petals piling up on your dress. 

You couldnt take it anymore- this sickness was going to have to take you, because you had no energy left to fight it anymore.

You felt a knocking on your door, the sounds harsh against your temple. You sniffled, one last cough feebily spilling out of your bloodied lips.

“Go away-I promise Ill be out soon-” you began sadly, until you heard the door swing open.

You looked up, your face in shock as you did not lock eyes with your handmaiden, but with Shoto’s.

He looked around the floor, noticing the bloody petals, his face completely torn-he knew what was going on.

Shoto stared down at you, his eyes boaring into yours-he knew something was wrong with you. He had came by your room in hopes of fixing your relationship before speaking your vows, working up the courage until he heard you crying. No matter what was between you two, he wouldnt let you go through pain by yourself.

Now he watching you cough up your life, those sickly petals flowing out of you, each one taking a toll on your body.

He gasped out your name, the words like honey as he sat next to you on the floor. You looked so beautiful in that white gown, like an angel from heaven. 

But the paleness of your skin, the bags like bruises under your eyes, the blood on your lips- it all reminded him that you were human, and you were hurting inside. He reached for your hand, his fingers grazing your skin-so cold- but you pulled it away quickly.

“Please, dont Shoto-” you whispered hoarsely, “Im-”

Another wave of coughs wracked at your chest, this time the rasps painful against your chest as the vines squeezed. 

Shoto didnt know what to do- how could he help you? There wasn't anything he could do to help, except watch his best friend and love slowly cough her life away. A few petals cascaded out of your mouth, adding to the piles as you heaved air back into your lungs, your knuckles white.

“How, how could you keep this from me?” he asked sadly, ignoring your pleas and pulling you into his lap.

You felt how warm he was, and realized- he did love you. He had been there for you as a child, and he was here for you now, comforting you in your worst moment.

Your heart felt like it was exploding as tears cascading down your face, salty and warm against your skin.

“How-how could I Shoto?” I shuldnt have been so mean to you,” you sobbed, “Im so sorry, so sorry, this is all my fault-”

“Please, no, dont be sorry,” he said softly, his arms cradling your body, “we both have our own faults. I shouldnt have left you for so long, and Im sorry for that, I-” he gulped, his heart beating harshly against his chest.

“I-I do love you,y/n, I do.”

You picked up your head, forcing yourself to look at him- he was so handsome, his mix matched eyes softly looking down at you- he was still the little boy you knew from a child, though, always so calm and sweet.

“I know, Shoto, I just, I-” you gulped, fighting to keep the coughs and sobs at bay.

He sighed, feeling his heart sink. 

“You loved Bakugo, didnt you? Thats why,” he motioned to the petals, “this is happening to you.”

You gave him a shocked look, your eyes wide and glassy. You forgot how observant Shoto could be- you felt your cheeks grow red, realizing now he must have known by the way you stared so much at Bakugo.

“Was-it that noticebale?”

“Y/n,” he sighed, his chest feeling heavy, “very.”

You giggled at his remark, feeling strange for laughing for once. But Shoto was so abrupt with his words, it always made you laugh at his remarks.

 Shoto’s heart soared at your laugh, the sound like chimes against his ears. It died down, the room quickly feeling closed in again.

“I just dont want to do this. I-I want to be friends again. To figure out who were are, without us being forced to be with each other.” you sighed, your heart rattling against your chest. “ I-I want to be with you and marry you- when we decide. Not my father, or your father- I want to be free to choose.”  

You turned to Shoto, your hands touching his cheek.

“I-I did love you-and I still do-Im just so confused, and trapped, and-”

“You just want to be your own person,” he finished your sentence, his voice so much stronger than yours.

He looked down at you, his face surprisingly smiling.

“I think I may have arranged that,”

You jumped up, your face in shock. “H-how? Tell me!” you squealed, not unilke a child, your eyes wide with anticipation.

Shoto grinned at your face, loving how excited you could get so quickly.

“Do you remember my oldest brother?” he asked

“Of course I remember Natsuo! He was always so kind to me as a child,” you reminenscenced, “but how is he going to help us?”

“Well, as it turns out, I spoke to our fathers and my older brother,” he said, a small grin on his face, “they agreed that my brother could rule both kingdoms in my place. By himself, and my sister will accompany him if he ever needs help.”

You sucked in a lung full of air, unable to believe what you had just heard-

 “So that means-”

“We are free to  do what we want now.” 

You yelled in happiness, happy tears cascading on your face as you wrapped his body around yours, “thank yous” spilling out of your lips.

Shoto hugged you back, smiling sadly- he had to admit, it was hard negotiating that new deal. After the night, that remark of how you didnt feel “free” stayed in his brain, haunting him until he found a solution. Knowing it would make you happy made it worth it- even if that meant you could leave him now. He loved you, but if that meant you could be happy with or without him, he would be content with the knowledge that you were finally able to be your own person.

“You can now be yourself,” he said sadly, his eyes staring down at the floor, “and even if that means you do not love me, I accept it. You dont have to feel guilty.”

You looked at the poor boy, his eyes shaded as his bi-colored locks cascaded onto his foreheads. You felt a warmth fill your chest, the sensation soothing and calming as the tightness in your lungs dissappeared. The tickling in your throat seemed to wane slightly. Your hand found his as his eyes instantly rose to meet yours.

“I wont feel guilty,” you smiled gently, “I want to be free- with you.”

Taggings: (if you want to be added, just shoot me an ask or a reply on this post and Ill add you on to my future fics!)

@freckledoriya​ @orokayagi​ @leeeah-loooser​

[givemequeen]

don’t talk to her; draco x muggle!reader

request: what about draco falling in love with a sweet, shy, muggle girl🥺 a/n: eek, im usually not a fan of like muggle!reader or reader that isnt from Slytherin because im Slytherin (😗✌🏼) but im excited about this. i kind of dragged this along... whoops. pairing: draco x muggle!reader summary: Draco met yn when he was five at the park. As soon as they began talking he was dragged away by his father. When he returned from his fourth year at Hogwarts, he spotted her by the river.  warnings: erm, idk. angsty? year: 1985 -> 1994 word count: 3045

“Don’t talk to her.” snapped Lucius as he dragged five-year-old Draco away from a Muggle girl. Draco looked up at his dad with wide eyes. Why couldn’t he talk to you? One moment he had been playing carelessly with a random girl at the park and the next he was being dragged away by his father. Draco furrowed his eyebrows.

“Why not dad?” he asked.

“Because she’s a Muggle.” Lucius spat, his voice full of venom. “And we don’t mingle with their kind.” he added as he dragged Draco back home.

Ever since then Draco hadn’t been allowed back to the park. Instead, his father bought him one and had it set up in his backyard. Draco spent lonely afternoons sat in the swing staring at the ground trying to remember everything he could about that Muggle girl. Her eyes, her smile, her voice, the way her hand softly wrapped around his.

But as the years went by, the memory grew more and more distant until, one day, it completely vanished. Tucked away safely in the depths of his mind.

Draco was returning from his 4th year at Hogwarts, bickering in his mind about Potter, when he saw a strangely familiar Muggle girl strolling by the river near his house. He ordered his driver to stop the car and he got out. He approached the scene and hid behind a tree to watch as the Muggle girl splashed her feet in the river.

He was about to sneak away when he stepped on a twig. The Muggle girl squealed and jumped up.  She grabbed the nearest thing she found to defend herself, her shoe, and held it in front of her threateningly.

“Who are you?” she asked trying to sound confident but her voice cracked at the end. Draco raised his hands to show he was innocent and didn’t bear any weapons. “Wait a minute... I know you.” she slowly said lowering her deadly weapon. “Aren’t you that kid...” her eyebrows knitted as she tried to remember where she had seen his platinum blonde hair before. “Yeah, from the park! You live in that manor, don’t you.” a smile crawled onto her face as she pointed down the street.

“Erm, yeah.” Draco said.

“Hi, I’m yn!” she took a step towards Draco. Instead of taking a set forward, Draco backed away. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“I need to go.” Draco muttered, rushing back to his car. He shut the door and told the driver to take him home leaving yn confused and alone.

  Draco spent the first two weeks of the Summer holiday cooped up in the room thinking about the girl. He finally knew her name. 

YN.

It rolled off his tongue naturally. Draco whispered it under his breath, each time he felt his cheeks grow warmer and butterflies flutter in his stomach. 

But he couldn’t feel this way... She was a Muggle and he was a wizard, a Malfoy, a son of a Death-Eater. It would never end well.

Draco spent his nights tossing and turning, a constant argument tormenting his head; should he head back to the riverside and try finding her again or should he stay in his room and ignore his feelings towards her.

Draco made up his mind during the 3rd week. He made up a lousy excuse of wanting to take a walk and headed to the edge of the Manor’s immense grounds. With some difficulty, Draco managed to jump over the thick wall surrounding the Malfoy Manor’s estate.

He fixed his clothes before marching towards the tree by the river where he had last seen her. When he reached the tree, Draco was disappointed to find the spot under its shade empty. He huffed and looked around, his arms swinging by his sides, to try and find some clues that could led him to yn. There was no sing of her.

As though one cue, yn’s voice could be heard from behind Draco. He jumped at the sudden noise. Draco turned to look at her, properly look at her. He now noticed how beautiful she truly was. Her brown locks cascaded down her back, silky and smooth. Draco dreamed of running her fingers through it, she was wearing a long, flowy flowery skirt that rippled with the wind and a Nirvana t-shirt.

“Looking for me?” she said, arching her eyebrow.

“I- erm- Well, yes.” Draco admitted, he stuck one of his hands into his trousers and the other went to the back of his neck, scratching the area nervously. “I’m Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.” he said.

“I’m yn yln.” she took a slow, careful step towards him as to not scare him off. “Nice to meet ya.” she smiled brightly and stuck her hand out.

“Yeah, nice to meet you.” Draco said, still unsure of what he was doing, as he shook her hand.

Draco and yn spent the rest of the afternoon sat by the riverside talking. He was careful not to mention anything related to magic. It pained him when he had to make up a fake school and lie to her about his past and family. Draco could’ve spent the rest of the summer there, lying peaceful under the basking sun with yn chatting by his side.

But the sun was setting and Draco had to return home. He somehow managed to say goodbye to her before heading back home. He jumped over the wall into his grounds and sneaked back into the manor. No one had noticed his absence. Draco wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

That night, Draco went to sleep calmly. He didn’t toss or turn and his tormenting thoughts were replaced with yn’s friendly laughter, her warm smile and caring touch. And the hope of seeing her again.

Nearly a month had passed their first day together and Draco couldn’t be happier. He skipped around the Manor, toning it down during lunches and dinners. The atmosphere in his house towards the end of the summer had gotten darker and darker but no one told Draco what was happening.

A day before Draco’s return to Hogwarts he met with yn. They felt like best friends, as though they had know each other their entire lives. His heart swelled as he saw her approach him. yn jumped into his arms, squeezing him slightly before he, gently, set her down.

“What is it Draco?” yn asked, she noticed something different in his aura.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” he admitted.

“Oh.” her smile faded and shoulders dropped. “Well, lets make the best of it!” she added.

“yn, I won’t be able to see you in a long time... I’ll come back for the winter holidays.” Draco grabbed her hand.

“We can call, doesn’t your school have a phone?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. Draco chuckled at that.

“No, my school doesn’t have a phone.” he said, his shoulders shaking.

“Oh... Lets enjoy our last day together, okay?” Draco nodded.

Draco had never gone through a worse first term. He sulked during every single lesson and nearly forgot to do his daily insult. Pansy Parkinson’s touch repulsed him like never before. His friends began to notice his strange behaviour but he simply brushed it off whenever they asked him. 

The day he returned for Winter Holidays was the best day of his life. He had bought yn a gift, something he could pass off as a Muggle object, and was buzzing with nerves and excitement to give it to her. They met by the river and spent the day together even if their toes were about to freeze off due to the chilly temperature that had frozen the river.

Draco’s parents were too busy to care for him but, for the first time in his life, he didn’t mind and, also for the first time in his life, he felt loved, cared for and respected. 

The gift Draco had gotten her for Christmas where a pair of white ice skates with a green snake to the side. yn had loved the gift and they made plans to meet the next day and spend the day skating (well, Draco spent it trying to teach yn to skate).

But all good things must come to an end and Draco was forced to return to Hogwarts. He spent the rest of the year counting down the days till the next time he could see yn.

“The Dark Lord will be staying with us, Draco.” announced his mother one day over dinner. He had been thinking of yn and today’s meet up when his mother told him the dreaded news. He choked on his dinner. 

Draco’s first thought was yn. What would the Dark Lord do if he found out one of his follower’s son was seeing a Muggle? He shook the thought out of his head and rushed to his bedroom without finish his dinner. The one thing he had feared all his life was finally coming true. Draco was sure he would be branded as a Death-Eater just like his father before him.

The next time Draco met with yn he was distant and left earlier than ever before. yn noticed the change and decided to follow him home. She hid behind a stray bush and watched as he jumped the wall and scrambled back home, his head hung low.

The Dark Lord come to the Malfoy Manor the very next day with Lucius Malfoy fresh out of Azkaban. Draco grimaced at his father’s sate. His beard was overgrown and his usually neat hair was a mess. The cloak he wore had several rips and he was in desperate need of a shower.

Less than a week later Draco was preparing himself for the Dark Mark. He skipped his meetings with yn and hid in his room until he was called down by a house elf. 

Voldemort was sat at the top of the dark wooded dining table, a snake curled up by his feet. Draco gulped as he approached him and nearly gaged when he was forced to kiss Voldemort’s hand.

“Very good, boy.” Voldemort hissed as he reached for his wand. Draco stuck out his left forearm and as the tip of his wand touched his bare skin. 

A sudden pang of pain overtook his sense. The blinding pain bent him over as he let out a piercing scream. Narcissa clutched Lucius’ arm and buried her face in his neck, she couldn’t bear watching her son letting out chocked cries.

As soon as Voldemort’s hand let go of Draco, he collapsed on the floor squirming around in pain, clutching his burning forearm. Narcissa reached for him and dragged him out of the hall and towards the safety of his room.

Draco remained passed out for three days. When he woke up his eyes met the mark brunt on his skin. He let out a cry and tried getting up. As soon as his feet touched the cool, wooden floor, his head felt light and he collapsed backwards onto his bed. His first thought was yn, he had completely abandoned her without an explanation.

yn still showed up, every day, to their spot. She stayed there until the sun set but Draco never showed up. A week after his disappearance yn decided to go to his house. She sneaked up to the wall and copied what she had seen Draco do a week ago. 

Her eyes bulged out of her head as she looked around. The manor was beautiful. She had only ever seen it from far way. The gardens were littered with beautiful, white peacocks that proudly stuttered around. Hundreds of different spices of flowers and trees adorned the neatly trimmed grass. 

yn sneaked towards a glass backdoor. She peered inside and saw dark wooden furniture everywhere. Her hand reached up to the door handle, trembling. Something felt wrong, apart from the fact that she was breaking and entering. 

She pushed the thought of legal punishment out of her mind and twisted the door handle. yn slipped inside before carefully and silently closing the door behind her. She tipped toed down the corridor and into a large hall. An even larger marble staircase led upstairs. 

yn had no idea what she was doing, how would she find Draco’s room? But she had no time to think, as soon as she reached a landing yn heard voices coming from around a corridor. She hid behind a credenza and watched as two adults neared her hiding spot.

“Harry Potter will be dead this time next year.” one of them said. yn froze, a murder? Did Draco know about this?

“Not even his little mud-blood friend can save her. Nor Dumbledore’s magic. The Dark Lord is too powerful.” the two voices carried past her. Their footsteps quietened down the further they got away from her.

She crawled out of her hiding spot and darted down a corridor. Paintings and potratis lined the walls and yn could’ve sworn she saw one wink. At the end of the corridor stood a carved, wooden door. yn decided to test her luck and open it. 

Inside was the most magnificent room she had ever since. The walls were silver and green. A large sitting area with two armchairs stood opposite the door. A lit fireplace in front of the chairs warming the room. On either side of the fireplace were large bookcases. She turned to look to the right and through an archway she saw a large, four-post bed.

Her mouth fell open as her eyes scanned the room, taking everything in. She approached the fireplace, the flames flickered. Behind her a door knob rattled and the door opened, she hid behind the armchair and peered over it to look how had entered the room.

It was Draco.

She smiled at him and was about to greet him when she saw the mark on his forearm. She frowned at the tattoo, a large skull with a snake coming out of his mouth ruined his milky white skin. 

She took in his body, he had just hopped of the shower. His hair was still wet, the tips of the platinum blonde stuck to his forehead. A white, fluffy towel was wrapped his waist giving yn a full view of his toned chest and arms. Draco shook his hair and reached for the towel letting it dropped.

yn couldn’t help but squeal.

“AGH!” Draco yelled turning around to face yn. He scrambled to pick up his towel but yn had seen everything. “What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in?” Draco’s eyes snapped to the door making sure it was closed.

“Draco, quick, we need to leave. Someone is playing on murdering someone called Harry Potter. We need to alert the police.” yn said, the words pouring out of her mouth. She grabbed his arm and attempted to drag him out of the room but he didn’t flinch.

“yn, wait.”

“Draco, no- what are you doing?” she turned to him, he was holding up a dark wand. Draco bit his lower lip, mentally debating wether or not he should perform a magic spell. He shook his head and set the wand down on his bed.

“yn, sit down, there’s something I need to tell you.” he led her to the armchairs. She reluctantly sat down, her hands on her lap. Draco’s eyes fell to his feet, he shifted his weight trying to find a comfortable spot and the words to break the news to yn. “I’m a wizard...” he finally said.

yn’s eyebrows furrowed, she stared at him as she began giggling. But Draco kept his monotone face. She scanned his face, still laughing, looking for a hint of laughter but found nothing. Slowly, her laughter died down and her jaw dropped.

“What? Magic doesn’t exist Draco.” she laughed unsurely.

“Yes, look.” he stood up and padded over to his bed where his wand lay. He picked it up and twirled it around his fingers. The tip of his wand lay on a book, he swished and flicked it and the book began hovering around. 

“What-” yn said, her eyes following the book as it touched the roof and floated back down. “No.” her head shook furiously. “No, no, no, no.” she stood up, backing away from Draco.

“yn, please, I didn’t want you to know this way.” Draco walked to her.

“NO!” she yelled, her hands extended in front of her. A single tear slipped from her eye. “No, this isn’t true.” her head was shaking itself.

Draco watched, his own eyes pooling, at the disgusted look on yn’s face. He didn’t expect her to understand. Her eyes flickered down to his forearm.

“What’s that? Who is Harry Potter?” 

“Please, sit down, I’ll explain everything.” but yn shook her head.

“I’m fine here.” Draco silently begged her with his eyes but she didn’t move.

“Fine.” he said and took a seat on one of his armchairs. He began explaining everything beginning with Voldemort’s quick rise to power. Draco spoke about his defeat, about Harry Potter, Hogwarts, The Triwizard Tournament, about everything up until now. By the time he finished yn had slid down onto the floor. 

“He’s going to kill all the ‘impures’?” she squeaked, Draco slowly nodded. He stood up, his hand in hand and walked over to yn. “What are you doing?” she asked when he lifted his wand. “Draco! What are you doing?” the tip of his wand touched her left temple. yn struggled against it but he had trapped her. “No! Draco!” a tear slipped from his eye down his pale cheek. It was for the best.

“It’s going to be okay, you’ll forget this ever happened- you’ll forget me.” he said and began chanting a spell, yn shook head head furiously. She kicked and withered under his touch but Draco didn’t let go. A pearly white string began slipping out of yn’s mind. Draco fought back the tears threatening to slip from his eyes.

“I love you.” she said, her eyes going blank. Her body went limp, collapsing into his arms.

“I love you too yn.” he whispering against her forehead as he cradled her body.

tag list;

@thebeatleswritings  @beatlevmania  @i-love-queen-3000  @brians-metaphor26 @honimello  @julessworldd @storiesfrommirkwood​  @beatles-babee  @geostarr  @thiccjelly17 @crab-king-69  @in-the-frap-of-the-gods

[crygimethydgoode]

Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 4 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) New York

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80839384

Summary: February 2020 brings Crystal and Gigi to Las Vegas for the season 12 premiere, and New York City for press week. Meanwhile in Amsterdam, Crystal and Gigi are learning to trust each other again. 

but for you darling id do it all again

July 9th, 2021

Amsterdam

“You know... a year ago I would’ve killed for this with Crystal,” Gigi whispered on FaceTime with Symone.

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Symone laughed, and Gigi couldn’t help but smile.

“But it’s... it’s not what I thought it would be like. You know?” Gigi asked. Symone just cocked her head, waiting for her to continue. “The little weekends we had together were so desperate and fleeting. We felt like we had to make the most out of every minute because that’s all we had. But now we... well- it feels like we have all the time in the world here. And we’re just... taking our time. Becoming friends again. I think... trusting each other again. I don’t know. There’s no pressure. It’s just us in Amsterdam. It’s nice,” Gigi explained. “Don’t tell Hunter,” she added, and Symone started to laugh.

“Oh you know I won’t! You could tell him though. He won’t be mad,” Symone said.

“I know,” Gigi sighed. “He’d just be… I don’t wanna worry him.  I’ll tell him when there’s something to actually tell him, you know? Right now, me and Crystal are just learning to exist together.”

“Right,” Symone nodded. “Well, Rosy and I are happy for you. We’re glad you’re getting a second chance. And you know Gigi, while being with Crystal again isn’t what you imagined, that might be a good thing. Maybe this will be even better.” Symone said softly, and Gigi hated that her chest ached, hated that her stomach was fluttering. Hated that she felt hopeful again for something with Crystal. When she voiced this to Symone, she was met with a sympathetic smile.

“I can’t imagine how confused you must be. I mean- you two have a lot of history. A lot of shit you’ve gotta work through. And that’s okay. Okay?” Symone tried to stay positive, smiling sweetly.

“Okay,” Gigi whispered. “I just don’t wanna get my heart broken. Again. You know?”

“I know,” Symone said softly, and there were tears in both of their eyes. Old habits die hard. “You look out for yourself. Always put your happiness and well-being first, always. You’re too smart, too strong, too beautiful. You are Gigi Mothafuckin Goode! You’ve got this baby.”

“I’ve got this,” Gigi’s voice cracked, and she swore there were happy tears in her eyes. “I miss you,” she whispered. “Anyways. Crystal, Jaida, and I are going to a sexy leather club tonight, so I’ve gotta go. I love you, bye!” Gigi hung up and started to get ready for the night.

Apparently, Jaida had found a section in Michelle’s Amsterdam guidebook talking all about these gay bars where everyone was clad in leather and heavy piercings, and she insisted on everyone going. Michelle declined, using the time to FaceTime with her husband and daughters, who would hopefully be coming to visit soon. Gigi was hesitant to accept as well, but Crystal and Jaida were both so excited, and she didn’t wanna miss out. Besides, the guys will be sexy, Gigi will be drunk, and Crystal will be... Crystal. Why not?.

So Gigi got ready and went down to the coffeeshop to wait for Crystal and Jaida, hovering by the door. Then she felt her phone buzzing and looked down to see Jaida calling her.

“Hello?” Gigi said into the phone. She immediately had to pull it away from her ear, the pounding music was so loud.

“GIIIIIGIIIIII IM DRUNK!” Jaida screamed, and Gigi let out a small laugh.

“I can hear that,” she chuckled.

“I'M STILL GONNA COME TO THE LEATHER BAR, BUT NOT FOR ANOTHER LIKE... HOUR AND... LIKE AN HOUR AND A... NOT MORE THAN TWO HOURS! I DON'T KNOW! I’LL MEET YOU THERE, I PROMISE! I LOVE YOU!” Jaida yelled, and hung up without getting a response from Gigi.

“Okay then,” Gigi said to no one, putting her phone back in her pocket.

“What?” Crystal said, coming down the stairs. Gigi tried not to look at her for too long, admiring her mullet that had been piled into a messy bun on her head.

“Jaida is at some club, she’ll meet us in a couple hours,” Gigi explained, giving Crystal a knowing grin. “I like the hair, by the way. Very main character of you,” she couldn’t help but add, and her grin only got wider when Crystal let out a loud laugh, leading them outside.

“I want my look to scream ‘my mom sold me to be One Direction’s sex slave’, you know?” Crystal quipped as they began to walk down the bustling Amsterdam street.

“‘Ello luv, I’m Harry. We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Gigi said in her best Harry Styles voice, and they laughed the rest of the way to the club, reminiscing about all the shitty One Direction fanfiction they read in 2012. And then they arrived at the club, and Gigi’s smile immediately fell from her face. “Oh,” she whispered. “This place looks...” she trailed off.

“Scary,” Crystal said, and Gigi quickly agreed. The place in Michelle’s guidebook had unfortunately closed due to COVID-19. So Crystal looked up “Leather gay Amsterdam” on Google and they just walked to the first address. But Google maps took them down three different narrow side alleys, into a side of town neither of them had been to. The street was dimly lit, and Gigi couldn’t help but feel like Harry Potter in the second movie, walking past all the dark wizards in Knockturn Alley. Weird example. It was scary. “So should we- should we go in?” Crystal asked, voice small.

“I guess,” Gigi replied, completely unsure of herself. And so they went into the bar together. Once they got through security and were inside, the first thing Gigi was able to process was the music pounding through her ears, making the floor vibrate. The second thing Gigi noticed was Crystal tightly clinging to her, and Gigi knew she was holding Crystal back just as tight.

“Are you okay?” Crystal yelled into Gigi’s ear. The music was so loud, Gigi could still hardly hear her. “Do you feel safe? We can leave if you want to,” Crystal said, and if Gigi weren’t so scared, her heart would’ve melted.

“Do you want to leave? Are you okay?” Gigi asked.

“I’m asking YOU if YOU’RE okay,” Crystal retorted, and now they were both smiling, despite the glowering man who was standing in the corner of the room with a whip.

“Well, I’m okay. Are YOU okay?” Gigi asked.

“Yes! I’m good. If you’re fine, I’m fine,” Crystal said and held out her hand. Gigi took it, putting on her bravest face. They decided to go to the bar, knowing they wouldn’t get through the night sober. Three tequila shots and two Rum and Cokes each later, Crystal and Gigi were getting less and less nervous about the club. Everyone was actually really nice, and the bartender was funny and knowledgeable about all things Amsterdam. Needless to say, Gigi was actually enjoying her night. Until some ripped, picture perfect dreamboat came up besides Crystal, immediately starting to chat her up, complimenting her hair and outfit, and- no way he just had the audacity to comment on her ass in those jeans. And Crystal was- fucking blushing. Great. Gigi sat rigid at the bar, staring directly at the wall ahead of her, refusing to look in Crystal’s direction. Gigi knew she had no claim over Crystal, knew Crystal had every right to be flirting with this guy. But it didn’t mean Gigi had to be happy about it. And then she heard the dreaded words.

“So... Can I buy you a drink?” The man asked Crystal. Gigi could feel Crystal’s eyes on her, knew that she could see the way Gigi’s shoulders had tensed up, the way Gigi was waiting with bated breath to see what Crystal would say.

“Oh uh... no thanks. I’m good with my friend here. It was nice meeting you though! Have a good night,” Crystal said kindly but firmly. The dude stalked off, but Gigi remained staring at the wall, trying to seem disinterested in everything. She could hear Crystal saying something, but pretended not to hear, instead drinking some random hard cider that the bartender put in front of them. “Gigi!” Crystal exclaimed, nudging her shoulder.

“Wha...?” Gigi said, trying to act clueless, faking a yawn. But she knew. “Did your boy toy leave?” Gigi asked nonchalantly, and Crystal was trying to hold back her laughter, and utterly failing. “Shut up,” Gigi giggled, and they were both laughing now, drinks in hand. “I’m surprised you rejected him. He was hot,” Gigi said once she was able to collect herself. Crystal gave her a funny look, slowly sipping her drink.

“Gigi... with everything going on... how could I be interested in him?” Crystal asked, and what the fuck did that mean? Maybe it meant that they were too busy in Amsterdam to worry about hooking up with random Dutch dudes. Or maybe it meant that Crystal wasn’t looking for anything like that with anyone, and she was just trying to focus on herself this summer.

Or maybe, just maybe, it meant that Crystal still wanted Gigi. Maybe Crystal wasn’t going to break her heart after all. Or maybe they were both just drunk and Gigi was reading into things too much. She never got the chance to ask that night, because right then, Jaida ran up to Crystal and Gigi, obviously plastered.

“HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY BITCHES!”

February 2020

Las Vegas

“We’re in Vegas bitches!!!” Jan screamed. Everyone cheered along with her. Finally, season 12 of Drag Race was premiering and the whole cast was reunited in Vegas. It also just so happened to be the first time Gigi saw Crystal since November.

“I’m trying to get over her, I am,” Gigi said to Hunter one day after scrolling through old pictures and videos of her and Crystal in L.A.

“You set yourself up for failure, Geege. You’re not gonna get over Crystal if you’re driving to Venice Beach with her at three in the morning.” Hunter was right. Gigi was trying to get over Crystal, but deep down, she didn’t want to. Because why would she want to? After all, Crystal was… Crystal.

“Well it’s not like I can avoid her, she’s one of my best friends and-” Gigi paused, biting the inside of her cheek. “And when I’m with her all my common sense just goes out the window,” Gigi felt Hunter’s stare but didn’t look up at him.

“When do you have to see her next?” Hunter asked.

“The premiere, in Vegas,” Gigi said, heart dropping just thinking about seeing Crystal again.

“Great. I’ll come with you,” Hunter said.

“What?”

“I’ll come with you, I will come babysit you and make sure you don’t do anything dumb like sneak out of the hotel in the middle of the night and walk the strip with Crystal,” Hunter explained. “I also just really want to go to Vegas.” Gigi was offended at first, she could take care of herself, but then she realized it truly wasn’t the worst idea.

“Okay,” Gigi agreed. And so the two boarded their plane to Vegas.

“What are you not going to do?” Hunter asked as they walked to the restaurant everyone was meeting at on the Vegas strip.

“I’m not going to do anything that could make me fall for Crystal-”

“Gigi!” Just then Widow, Heidi, and Crystal, who were also walking towards the restaurant from the opposite direction, spotted Gigi and Hunter. Everything Hunter had told Gigi on the plane ride left Gigi’s head because there was Crystal.

There was Crystal, who was running to Gigi, completely leaving Heidi and Widow in the dust. And Gigi couldn’t see anything else but Crystal, running towards her at full speed as Gigi felt her feet start running towards Crystal too. They collided, and the world was suddenly screaming in color once again.

“I missed you,” Crystal whispered, and Gigi melted into the hug. Hunter couldn’t even be mad at Gigi, he just ran up and pulled Crystal into a hug of his own before they all entered the restaurant together.

But now they were on the party bus, with all of the girls from season 12. Gigi sat between Hunter and Crystal, which sort of felt like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder. She wasn’t sure who was which.

It didn’t take long for Crystal and Gigi to slip into their old ways. Sitting together, Crystal’s shoulders and legs pressed against Gigi’s, both of them giggling messes. “Canoodling” is what Jackie had called it when she would tease them in the vans.

“Why am I not surprised?” Jackie joked, pointing a finger at Crystal and Gigi, who both were blushing. Hunter gave Gigi a subtle nudge.  

‘You’re setting yourself up for disaster’ she reminded herself.

“Crystal, why didn’t you bring Paul? We’re all dying to meet him,” Jan said. Gigi clenched her jaw, Hunter gave her a look. Crystal let out an awkward chuckle.

“Someone had to stay home and watch Tictak,” Crystal said.

“Don’t your parents live in the same town? Couldn’t they watch your cat?” Jaida said, stirring her drink.

“Uhm-”

“Alright ladies, we all know Paul is really shy, let's move on,” Widow said. Crystal let out a sigh of relief.

“I agree because I have a few more questions for you two,” Jaida continued, crossing her legs and turning to Crystal and Gigi. Gigi felt as if they were being interrogated. “We all know you had your get together in November. We all saw you two cuddling in the back of those vans, or in the Werkroom, or the green room. We just wanna know if there’s a little something going on, that’s all,” Jaida said. Gigi’s breath hitched in the back of her throat. Luckily, Hunter jumped in.

“Believe me, I was with these two in LA. The only thing they did was try not to fall while dancing,” Hunter joked. Everyone started laughing and Gigi hoped that was the end of it all.

Of course, it wasn’t.

“So you guys haven’t even like... kissed or anything?” Jan asked.

“You meddling fuckin kids,” Widow murmured under her breath. Gigi’s face was burning, could they tell? They could definitely tell.

“No?” Crystal said.

“Kiss...kiss...kiss...” Rock M. started chanting. Fuck. Dahlia, Nicky, and Aiden joined in. Of course, Brita, the loudest one there, had to start too. Suddenly everyone was chanting “kiss” like they were in high school and playing spin the bottle. Gigi looked at Crystal, ready to spill out an apology and say they didn’t have to kiss. But much to Gigi’s surprise, Crystal was laughing along with them.

She looked at Gigi and shrugged. Gigi looked back at Hunter who gave her the look he always gave right before she was about to do something dumb. He was clutching Gigi’s arm, his eyes screaming “Don’t you fucking dare,” Gigi just looked back at Crystal, a grin on her face. Gigi removed Hunter’s hand from her wrist, and grabbed Crystal by the waist.

“OH FUCK THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT!” Heidi cackled. Crystal put her hand on Gigi’s face, leaned in, and kissed Gigi. It was soft, light, and utterly perfect despite being surrounded by their season 12 sisters. The kiss lasted a second too long, lingering. Lighting coursed through Gigi, who couldn’t even hear the eruption of cheers, she just fought the urge to kiss Crystal again. Crystal pulled away, giggling but blushing. Jan, Jaida, and Jackie waved their fingers together in the middle of the bus. Gigi could feel Hunter’s pointed stare but didn’t care all that much because she just kissed Crystal Elizabeth Methyd. And god, it was fucking magical and the only thing Gigi wanted to do for the rest of her life. Crystal buried her head in the crook of Gigi’s neck, face burning.

“That’s Vegas, baby!”

Amsterdam

“This is the best idea I’ve ever had!” Crystal giggled, walking through Jaida’s apartment door with all of her and Gigi’s makeup. After passing around a bottle of Dutch Gin, Crystal suddenly suggested that she and Gigi do Michelle’s makeup, each of them getting 1/2 of Michelle’s face.

“Y’all have fun, I’m gonna keep dancing!” Jaida cackled as she danced to the non-existent music. “I fuckin love this song!” Gigi just laughed, mind extremely foggy. She hadn’t drunk that much, had she? The bottle was passed so many times she lost track around her fifth swig. All Gigi knew was that Crystal was glowing. She had been staring at her all night, and really didn’t mind if Crystal noticed. Who cares? Gigi was in Amsterdam, and the only voice of reason in her life was time zones away.

“Okay! Michelle, I am going to do the classic Crystal Elizabeth Methyd face. Gigi?” Crystal prompted, a wild grin on her face.

“I’m... I’m gonna make you orange,” Gigi giggled, pouring out way too much foundation onto the back of her hand. “Shit.” Gigi just smeared it onto Michelle’s face. “Hope you don’t like that shirt too much.”

“My turn!” Crystal took her foundation stick and began to smear it all over Michelle’s face. Michelle couldn’t hold back her laughter.

“How were you two the runners up?” She laughed, causing everyone to start laughing.

“Because Ru is obsessed with me and Gigi is talented,” Crystal giggled.

“Hey! You’re both talented. My daughters came for my fucking head when I read you for your makeup,” Michelle said.

“Oh shit you're a mom, that’s right! What’s that like?” Jaida asked, now dancing with a houseplant.

“Well, it’s a pain in the ass. But I like to think my two girls turned out okay,” Michelle laughed. “No, it’s rough. You know I’m honest...”

“We know!” Jaida, Crystal, and Gigi all said.

“Shut up you bitches! As I was saying, it sucks sometimes. You try to know what’s best for them when in reality half the time you don’t know what’s best for yourself. One day everything’s fine and the next they hate you, and you don’t even know what you did wrong. And all you can do is replay your conversations in your head trying to figure out what you could’ve possibly said to strike a nerve like that. But it’s worth it, you know? I love my daughters more than anything, they truly are my world. It’s worth it,” Michelle said, and Gigi wasn’t even paying attention to what makeup she was doing on Michelle. She was watching Crystal, who was smiling softly while listening to Michelle talk about her daughters.

“And of course, my husband is the fucking best. Seriously, I could not do it without him. He’s the cool dad. Like, when the girls don’t want to talk to me they’ll go complain to him and he’ll try to explain it all to them, that I probably wasn’t trying to be a bitch. I’ll go to them, I’ll apologize, and we’ll move on. The same thing with my husband. It’s not worth it to linger on petty little fights, it’s not, because what’s the point? You’re mad at me, I’m mad at you, then we never talk about it? I hate that shit.” Gigi desperately tried not to look at Crystal, heart in her throat. “It’s a waste of time ladies, don’t stay mad at the people who matter the most. Especially when you’re supposed to be raising two teenagers with that person,” Michelle laughed. Gigi looked over at Crystal against her better judgment. Gigi had never wanted kids, ever. Mostly because she wasn't sure if she would ever find the right person to have kids with. But as Gigi watched Crystal gently blend Michelle’s makeup, being as careful as possible to not get it in her eyes, it didn’t seem like the craziest idea. Gigi added that to the list of things NOT to tell Hunter when she called him tomorrow. She focused back on doing Michelle’s makeup, which didn’t look all too bad, mostly because Gigi was drunk.

“Gigi, what the fuck are you doing to Michelle’s face?” Jaida asked. Gigi hadn’t realized, but she heavily contoured Michelle using an orange eyeshadow. Her eyes were orange, her cheeks were orange, her lips were orange- Michelle was basically completely orange.

“I-Uhm- I did the Crystal Methyd... Method, if you will and tried to be a little more abstract,” Gigi tried to defend the monstrosity that was Michelle’s makeup.

“She looks like Donald Trump!” Crystal giggled.

“Am I really drunk or does Crystal’s side actually look good?”

“Oh Jaida, I have done my makeup drunk so many times, it’s easy,” Crystal said.

“Okay, well, can y’all be done? I’m getting tired of dancing alone, this houseplant can only make me feel so much,” Jaida said. And so they all got up and danced with Jaida, sans music. And when Crystal wrapped her arms around Gigi’s neck, and Gigi held Crystal by the waist, swaying side to side, she couldn’t fight back her smile.

“What?” Crystal asked, a smile also growing on her face.

“Nothing, c’mere,” Gigi whispered, her hand finding its way into Crystal’s curls. Her phone buzzed. Hunter.

“Tell Hunter to shut up,” Crystal chuckled. So Gigi put her phone in the empty coffee pot, not sure what else to do. She returned to Crystal’s side after a moment, who was looking out Jaida’s window at the shining street below them. And Gigi knew better than to reach out and grab Crystal’s hand, but she did. And a certain line was crossed. A line Gigi was desperately trying to avoid crossing. A line that Gigi had blurred before, a line that maybe had always been blurred. There was no coming back from this, there never was, was there? Crystal squeezed Gigi’s hand.

“I don’t know if I can walk up all those stairs,” Crystal whispered.

“If...if we crawl into Jaida’s bed... maybe she’ll go crawl into ours,” Gigi suggested.

“Gigi Goode. You’re a genius.” And so they tiptoed across the living room, as if Jaida wasn’t only a few feet away, and crawled into her bed. Gigi pulled the covers over their heads, hoping Crystal couldn’t see her blushing. “Goodnight,” she murmured.

“Goodnight,” Gigi said, but neither of them made any move to go to sleep just yet.

“Gigi?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember your first night in New York? With Jan and Jackie?” Crystal asked. Gigi tried to make out her expression in the darkness.

“Yeah. Yeah, I remember,” Gigi whispered.

“Yeah, me too. I miss it.” Crystal rolled over, leaving Gigi with nothing yet everything to say. Gigi sat there for a moment, not sure if she had struck a nerve, or hurt Crystal in some way.  But then Crystal grabbed Gigi’s arm, lacing it around her waist, lines blurred.

February 2020

New York City

Hunter had suggested that Gigi fly into New York later at night.

“Why?” Rosy asked.

“Because if you fly in later, you won’t have to see Crystal-” Hunter began to explain.

“Why wouldn’t she want to see Crystal?” Symone chimed in.

“I just think it’s best that you try to see Crystal as little as possible during press week,” Hunter said.

“But... but why?” Rosy asked again. Gigi watched as Hunter grew more and more frustrated.

“Because when Gigi is with Crystal she does dumb shit like kissing her,” Hunter shot Gigi a piercing look. He still hadn’t dropped it. Gigi couldn’t really blame him though, she never did listen to Hunter.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” Rosy butted in. “Please explain to me how that’s a bad thing.”

“Because Crystal has a boyfriend-”

“Okay! I’ll fly in later, it’s fine,” Gigi interrupted, desperately wanting to end the conversation. Besides, there was no reason to start another fight with Hunter after she literally kissed Crystal right in front of him.

And so Gigi arrived at the JFK airport at 10 pm and took an Uber to the hotel. She decided that Hunter was right. It was better that Gigi tried to avoid Crystal as much as possible this week, because every time she saw Crystal in person, it just made her miss her more when they inevitably had to go home.

This was for the best. This was for the best. This was for the -

“Gigiiiiiiii.”

What was that?

“Gigiiiiiiii,” A faint voice called from down the hall. Gigi heard the sound of footsteps running down the hallway.

“Crystal! Slow down!” Another voice called.

Then Gigi heard an all too familiar knock, and her heart was in her throat. And though Gigi knew Hunter would be pissed, she grinned as she ran to the door. She opened the door and there Crystal stood, eyes glossy, cheeks flushed. She was obviously drunk.

“Gigi!” Crystal jumped into Gigi’s arms, Gigi could smell the alcohol on her.

“Hi!” Gigi laughed, holding Crystal close.

“Hello! God, I missed you.”

How many times have they said that to each other now? Countless times over the phone in the dead of night, at the airport, in Vegas.

“I missed you too.”

“Crystal? CRYSTAL?!” Gigi heard someone calling. Moments later, Jan walked by.

“She’s in here, Jan!” Gigi called. Jan entered the room, her frustrated expression immediately disappearing when she saw Crystal and Gigi in their embrace.

“I turned around for one minute and she was asking the front desk what your room number was– She also had three Margaritas,” Jan said, walking into the room. Crystal finally released Gigi from her hug, and Gigi didn’t want to admit how cold she felt. Luckily, Crystal held onto Gigi’s arm, resting her head on her shoulder. “Well! It’s your first night in New York, we oughta do something,” Jan said, plopping down on one of the chairs in the hotel room.

“I could do your makeup!” Crystal giggled. And Gigi felt as all the walls she spent the past three weeks building up crumbled to the floor yet again.

“Oh my god! Jackie was coming to meet us here anyway. She got this god-awful wig yesterday, I’ll have her bring it!” Jan squealed, already whipping out her phone to text Jackie. Okay. This was happening. And Gigi couldn’t be mad about it.

“Fuck it,” she said. Crystal cheered.

“Okay! I’ll go get my stuff!” Crystal ran to the conjoined door in Gigi’s room.

“Is your room next to mine?” Gigi asked.

“Of course, where else would it be?” Crystal giggled. Gigi let out an exasperated laugh. Of course. Moments later, Crystal returned with all her makeup. All. Her. Makeup.

“Jackie is on her way!” Jan announced. Crystal sat Gigi down on the bed, they sat facing each other, legs crossed. Gigi felt her heart pounding as Crystal held Gigi’s face in her hands, smearing on the foundation. Sometimes, Gigi would catch Crystal’s eye as she was blending out her foundation, and Crystal would fight back a smile. Gigi was sober, but she felt light headed. Crystal’s hands gently tilted Gigi’s face in a thousand different directions, before letting out a frustrated sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Gigi asked.

“I can’t get the right angle...” Crystal whined.

“Have her lay down,” Jan tried to offer casually, but Gigi could hear the mischief in her voice.

“Smart! Gigi lay down,” Crystal said. Without thinking, Gigi laid back on the bed. This was fine. Gigi was fine. Crystal Methyd was just inches away from Gigi’s face, leaning over her as she laid in bed. Crystal was still clearly frustrated. “One second, I’m not messing up this eyeliner.” Without any warning, Crystal kneeled on the bed before throwing a leg over Gigi’s torso, straddling her. She lost her balance in the process, so Gigi grabbed the side of her legs to steady her.

“Thanks,” Crystal blushed. Gigi couldn’t find the power to rip her hands away. God, was it only three weeks ago when they kissed on the party bus? Why did it feel so long ago? And why did Crystal keep smiling at Gigi like that? Gigi’s heart was in her throat as she held her breath. She had seen Crystal up close before, of course, but this was so different. Crystal made this funny face when she focused. Her eyes squinting, her lips pressed together tightly, brow furrowed. Gigi found herself grinning without even realizing it.

“What?” Crystal asked, a smile tugging at her lips. Gigi started giggling.

“You make a face when you’re focused, it’s cute,” Gigi admitted, chest burning. She ignored Jan’s gasp from across the room. Gigi had forgotten Jan was even there, sorry Jan.

Crystal sat up straight, placing a hand on Gigi’s chest. Dear God, please let her heart stop pounding.

“Well, you’re making a face too,” Crystal said, leaning in close to Gigi's lips.

“Oh really?” Gigi cocked an eyebrow, “what face am I making?”

“I... I don’t know how to describe it...” Crystal whispered. She was too close.

“Your eyes are shining,” Jan called. Thankfully, someone knocked on the door. Jan ran to let Jackie in.

“Jesus Christ, what did I miss?” Jackie said, seeing Crystal straddling Gigi.

“A lot,” they all responded. Crystal finished up Gigi’s makeup quickly but hesitated before climbing off.

“I have this stunning wig for you!” Jackie waved around the gigantic red wig she had brought. “Okay, done!” she said after pinning the wig. Crystal clasped her hands over Gigi’s eyes and walked her to the mirror. When Gigi saw herself in the mirror, she immediately burst out laughing. Of course, Crystal had painted her like a clown.

“Now we’re both clown queens!!!” Crystal giggled, leaning on Gigi’s shoulder. Gigi’s chest burned, and she saw Jan and Jackie whispering to each other out of the corner of her eye. “Smile Gigi!” Crystal said, snapping a picture and posting it. The four of them ended up spending the night on Gigi’s bed, laughing until 2 am. Crystal fell asleep on top of Gigi, and Jackie and Jan took that as their queue to leave. Gigi didn’t bother to wake Crystal up, just tucking her in under the covers and laying down with her. Gigi’s phone buzzed 3 times.

Hunter : I don’t even know what to say.

Rosy : HAHAHAHAH FUCK HUNTER YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE

Symone : Rosy and Hunter are fighting again. Please come home soon.

Gigi just turned off her phone and tried to sync her breathing with Crystals, wondering where the sun would find them in the morning.

Amsterdam

It was the sun cutting through Jaida’s window that ultimately woke Gigi up. She was instantly greeted with a splitting headache. What happened last night? Why was she in Jaida’s bed? Why was Crystal wrapped in her arms? Gigi saw the empty bottle of Dutch gin on the floor next to the bed. Oh. So that’s what happened last night.

Memories of the night before came flooding back. Jaida and Crystal dancing around the apartment, Crystal and Gigi doing Michelle’s makeup- god, where was Michelle? She probably went to her apartment. It was easier to walk across the hall than up another flight of stairs.

Gigi reluctantly unwrapped her arms from around Crystal and tried to ignore the sudden chills running over her body. It didn’t take long for Gigi to locate her phone which was left in an empty coffee pot. She had a few texts from Hunter but ignored them. He probably wasn’t awake anyway. Gigi desperately searched Jaida’s drawers for anything that could get rid of her awful headache.

“Who needs this many gummy vitamins?” she whispered to herself, pushing bottles to the side. Nothing.

“Gigi...” a groggy voice called. Gigi turned around to see Crystal stretching her arms out towards her. And for a moment, Gigi’s hangover disappeared. She walked back to the bed, sitting down next to Crystal. Crystal wrapped her arms around Gigi, burying her face in Gigi’s neck. And Gigi’s heart dropped, when was the last time she had done that? “Why is it so bright in here?” Crystal murmured into Gigi’s neck.

“Because we’re really hungover,” Gigi chuckled.

“Oh...oh yeah. We are, aren’t we? My head hurts,” Crystal whined. Gigi’s hand found its way into Crystal’s curls.

“I couldn’t find any ibuprofen, and I don’t know if it’s safe to drink the tap water here-”

“The drinking water in Amsterdam is like a delicacy,” Crystal told Gigi.

“How do you know that?”

“I obviously did research before I came here.”

“But you didn’t know that weed was legal?”

“I thought it was illegal in Europe...”

“Holy shit. And you didn’t sneak any-”

“I thought I could do a tolerance break or something. Shut up,” Crystal giggled. Gigi’s hand was still in her hair. Crystal’s arms were still wrapped around Gigi. And in the deep depths of Gigi’s brain, she wished they could just sit like this forever. And then Crystal was looking up at Gigi, a soft smile on her face, and Gigi couldn’t rip her eyes away. “How do you look so pretty hungover?” Crystal asked. Gigi’s heart dropped. She was just hungover, maybe she was even still a little drunk, but Gigi’s face was burning.

“Help...” a voice called.

“Shit. I forgot about Jaida,” Gigi said, immediately standing up. Thank god for Jaida.

“I’m in the bathroom!” Jaida groaned. Gigi and Crystal walked in to find Jaida laying in her bathtub. “I... I think I wanted to go swimming last night but fell asleep trying to turn on the faucet.” Gigi and Crystal both laughed despite their headaches.

“Scoot over,” Gigi said. Jaida made room for Gigi and Crystal to join her in the bathtub. Gigi couldn’t help but blush as she tangled her legs with Crystal’s. Jaida and Crystal both rested their heads on Gigi’s shoulders.

“I’m never drinking again,” Jaida whispered. Gigi scoffed.

“That’s what we said last weekend.” And they all burst out laughing, the cool tile against their backs making the hangover a little more tolerable. Gigi knew in a few minutes she would have to get up and start her day. Gigi and Crystal would have to crawl their way up to their apartments, and it would suck. Gigi would have to call Hunter and lie when he asks if she had been hanging out with Crystal. And Gigi would feel guilty, but not that guilty.

In a few minutes, they would have to get up and start their day, but for now, Gigi just sat sandwiched between Jaida and Crystal, and it was enough. The sound of the door opening snapped them all out of their trance.

“Jaida? Are you dead?” Michelle called.

“We’re in here!” Crystal said. Michelle entered the bathroom, also looking like a complete mess.

“I’m too old to sit in a fuckin tub” Michelle muttered, sitting on the toilet seat again. “We’re never drinking again,” she whispered, and Gigi, Jaida, and Crystal all started laughing.

“Stop making me laugh! It makes my head hurt worse...” Crystal laughed.

“God, Jaida, why did you even have us come to Amsterdam anyway?” Gigi joked.

“It wasn’t even her idea,” Michelle laughed.

“What?”

“Yeah, it was Widow’s idea actually,” Jaida admitted. Gigi’s jaw dropped. Of course.

New York City

The crowd erupted in cheers after Crystal finished performing “Womanizer” by Britney Spears. Gigi was sitting with Widow, who just so happened to bring her dab pen. Needless to say, Gigi was just a little bit fucked up. She and Widow had just returned to their seats after running up to the stage to give Crystal tips, and Gigi couldn’t stop smiling, and Widow could see right through her.

Granted, it wasn’t hard. Gigi could only imagine what she looked like. Starstruck. Crystal had completely entranced her yet again, and it was getting harder and harder to try to cover it up. Crystal ran back to Gigi and Widow, grinning.

“How’d I do?” She asked, trying to catch her breath.

“Absolutely amazing,” Widow said.

“You were fucking radiant, Crystal Elizabeth Methyd,” Gigi giggled, she could feel Widow watching her like she was trying to understand Gigi.

“I know! I just wanted to hear it from you guys,” Crystal said, and then “I’m gonna go to the bathroom to get out of drag, I’ll be right back!”

“Do you need help?” Gigi asked, already standing up, knees wobbling a bit. Shit, maybe Gigi was higher than she thought.

“Not so fast Miss Goode, I want to chat with you a bit,” Widow said, helping Gigi down into her seat. Widow was also crossed, she had bought her and Gigi both a few drinks along with sharing her dab pen. Widow was basically the best.

“Oh-okay,” Crystal said before skipping off to the bathroom. Gigi turned to Widow.

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked, stirring her drink.

“Listen, you’re not fuckin subtle. We all see how you look at Crystal. It’s cute. Jan, Jackie, and Jaida eat that shit up,” Widow started.

“I don’t-”

“Gigi. Don’t even try...” Widow trailed off.

“It’s just a crush,” Gigi whispered, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Widow. “Besides, she has Paul, so it’s kind of hopeless,” she added. Widow shifted and opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then closed it. Gigi turned to her, pleading for her to say something, anything.

“Look-” Widow began. “Crystal has been a friend to me for many years, I’d like to say I know her pretty well. And... and I’ve met Paul, and he’s a great fucking guy. He’s funny, he’s kind, he treats Crystal well-”

“Yes, this is comforting,” Gigi deadpanned.

“Let me fucking finish,” Widow laughed. “Because Paul... Paul is just Paul. But Gigi, you are just you. ..”

“And Crystal is just... Crystal ,” Gigi breathed, words slurring. Widow nodded slowly.

“There’s something that lights up in her when she talks about you. Believe me, I sat next to that bitch on the plane, she talked more about you during that plane ride than I’ve ever heard her talk about PAUL,” Widow just shook her head while studying Gigi. “I don’t think she even knows it yet, Gigi. I don’t. But she will. She’s going to watch the show back and she’s going to realize it, believe me.” Gigi’s entire body was buzzing, she couldn’t even hear all the thoughts running through her head, the only thing she could make out was Widow’s words

But she will. But she will. But she will.

Just then, Crystal came back from the bathroom.

“Okay, so Gigi I just had the craziest idea. I checked Google maps and it’s only like a thirty minute walk to the Empire State Building!” Crystal said, grabbing Widow’s dab pen and taking a hit.

“Didn’t we literally just go there for press?” Widow asked, raising an eyebrow. Crystal just rolled her eyes, playfully glaring at Widow.

“Yeah...but it’s nighttime. And the city is like...brighter at night... and-”

“Okay, you don’t really have to defend yourself. Have fun ladies,” Widow shot Gigi a subtle wink. “You hold onto that dab pen. Be careful with it though, it’s Sativa.”

“You’re the fucking best! Is that a shot? I’m taking it,” Crystal said, downing a shot Widow had just ordered. “Here!” Crystal reached in her pocket and gave Widow some loose $1 bills. She grabbed Gigi’s hand and practically pulled her out of the bar. They were instantly greeted by the stinging cold. “It’s fine! Just a little chilly!” Crystal said, hugging herself.

“Yeah, we-we will warm up once we start walking,” Gigi said, instantly regretting leaving her jacket at the hotel. Gigi felt bad for Crystal who only had her thin-ass pink bomber jacket. They began their walk to the Empire State Building, passing Widow’s pen back and forth, hoping to breathe some warmth into them. But it only made things worse, because the higher they got, the slower they walked, and the longer they walked the colder they got. Gigi’s teeth were chattering, so were Crystal’s. They tried to have conversations, just to keep their lips warm, but nothing was helping.

“G-g-Google maps says we’re halfway there...” Crystal shivered, stopping to check her phone.

“It’s... it’s 1:30, we left the bar at one... we’ve been walking for half an hour, and we’re only halfway there,” Gigi whispered. “That means we have another half an hour to go,” Crystal just whimpered and put her head in the crook of Gigi’s neck. It was freezing, so why was Crystal’s face burning?

“I don’t think I can make it, Gigi. Can we... Can we just go back to the hotel? We can order room service or something... it’s so fucking cold,” Crystal giggled. Gigi just laughed. “What?” Crystal muttered, Gigi felt her smiling into her neck. She suddenly wasn’t as cold.

“I was really worried you were gonna make me walk all the way,” Gigi admitted. Crystal playfully nudged her, taking out her phone.

“Okay... so there’s a train station a few minutes away... and if we take the... yellow one... uptown? There’s a stop that’s right next to our hotel. Okay.” Gigi should’ve known better than to trust Crystal with directions, but she was so cold she didn’t even think to question it. They found the subway station pretty easily, and it only took them ten minutes to figure out how to buy tickets. Finally, they found themselves waiting on the platform, hands shoved deep into their pockets. “I’m sorry,” Crystal said. Gigi turned to look at Crystal, who was looking at her feet.

“Why?” Gigi asked.

“This was supposed to be a fun night... we were supposed to see all the lights and... it was supposed to be a fun night.”

If only Crystal knew. If only she knew that all the lights in the city couldn’t match the way she shone. That Gigi wouldn’t be able to rip her eyes off of Crystal for even one second if they did make it to the Empire State Building. That Gigi would much rather look at Crystal than a stupid skyline any day. If only she knew.

“Hey,” Gigi said instead, grabbing Crystal’s hand. “It was a fun night, any night with you is fun.” God, that was cheesy. Gigi realized it as soon as it left her mouth. But Crystal was grinning, and Gigi grinned right back.

The platform was pretty much empty, only a few other stragglers like Gigi and Crystal stood waiting for the subway. Suddenly, the platform started buzzing as the sound of the train slowly grew closer and closer before halting in front of them.

Crystal and Gigi were instantly greeted with a comfortable warmth that wrapped them both up. Their subway cart was empty, and Crystal refused to sit down. She tried to keep her balance, gripping onto the poles to steady herself. Crystal's eyes were red and squinted, her glasses were barely staying on her face, and her curls were wild from the wind, and she was a sight to behold. Gigi felt as her heart did somersaults.

But she will. But she will. But she will...

The subway jolted forward, and Crystal nearly fell. And for some reason, that looked really fun to Gigi. So Gigi stood up, and also nearly fell. They both erupted into giggles, and soon they were holding onto each other for support along with the poles. And then they were dancing? Or at least trying to dance despite constantly trying to trip over themselves, and Gigi didn’t even realize every time the subway stopped. When the occasional person entered their train cart, they both held back their laughter, shooting each other mischievous looks. Their faces were close, and they were both just grinning at each other as if they should’ve known better.

“Next stop, Coney Island,” the intercom said. Now, Gigi didn’t know much about New York, but she was pretty positive Coney Island was in Brooklyn.

“Umm Crystal, give me your phone,” Gigi said. Crystal, who hadn’t connected the dots, lazily handed Gigi her phone, circling the pole. Gigi checked Google Maps, they were heading in the opposite direction of the hotel. She looked at the map in their subway cart, praying that she was wrong. Of course, she wasn't.

“Crystal... Crystal I think we took the wrong train,” Gigi muttered.

“No...no we are heading uptown,” Crystal defended.

“Yeah... no. We are heading downtown. Like, way downtown. Crystal, we're in Brooklyn... that’s basically a different state. We’re going in the opposite direction of the hotel,” Gigi explained slowly. Crystal buried her face in her hands.

“Oh god, what do we do?” Fuck. Crystal was crying. But of course she was, she was crossed and she was... well, she was Crystal. Gigi grabbed Crystal’s hands.

“We’re just going to have to get off at Coney Island, and then we will... I don’t know we’ll figure it out.” And so they got off at Coney Island, and Crystal stopped crying, but she didn’t drop Gigi’s hand. Not even when they were greeted by the nipping cold.

“Wow,” Crystal exhaled, looking out on Coney Island. It was a ghost town. Absolutely nobody was there, which made sense considering it was almost March. The orange streetlights aluminized the streets, allowing only enough light to see. They crossed the street together hesitantly, not exactly sure where they were even heading. They just needed to move, they needed their blood to get pumping. Crystal was shivering, it had somehow gotten colder than before. The only fixture they could see clearly was the Wonder Wheel, so they just started walking towards that. They found a bench and tried to ignore the cold as Crystal tried to figure out what subway they had to get on.

“I’m not a big city girl, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Crystal giggled, desperately trying to shed light on their shitty situation. But Gigi wasn’t even annoyed, because she worshipped these stupid little inconveniences with Crystal.

“Let’s just get an Uber,” Gigi shivered. Crystal cupped Gigi’s hands in her own.

“C’mere,” she whispered, breathing hot air onto Gigi’s hands, then rubbing them together. It was such a random gesture, and Gigi wasn’t sure if Crystal was aware she was even doing it, but Gigi melted.

Crystal rested her head on Gigi’s shoulder as Gigi found an Uber who would be there in a few moments, and Gigi wrapped her arms around Crystal when she started to shiver.

“Hey,” Crystal whispered, burying her head in Gigi’s neck. Gigi hummed in response, eyes feeling heavy. “Nothing tonight went to plan,” Crystal giggled, wrapping her arms around Gigi’s torso.

“No... no it didn’t,” Gigi chuckled.

“But I don’t think it matters all that much,” Crystal yawned. Gigi took out Widow’s dab pen and held it out to Crystal, who accepted it, beaming up at Gigi. And there they sat miles away from their hotel, under the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island, holding onto each other for warmth. And though the bitter air was freezing, Gigi had never felt warmer as the words echoed through her head.

‘But she will. But she will. But she will’

Amsterdam

“You will never guess what I just FINESSED for us,” Crystal sang, walking out onto the balcony, holding something behind her back. She had mysteriously left fifteen minutes ago, claiming she had ‘business’ to attend to.

“What?” Gigi asked, slightly scared. Crystal just mischievously smiled at her, leaning against the balcony. “What?!” Gigi laughed, leaning forward in her seat. She watched as Crystal slowly revealed what she was hiding. Jaida’s car keys. “No FUCKING WAY!” Gigi jumped up, crossing to Crystal.

“YES FUCKING WAY!” Crystal exclaimed, and they both began to cheer, Crystal laughing as Gigi let out a loud whoop. She had missed their drives. “But you have to drive. Jaida said I’m not allowed to,” Crystal added, and Gigi burst out laughing.

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best,” she muttered, and they both dissolved into giggles.

“Let’s go!” Crystal tugged on Gigi’s arm, leading her to her apartment. She immediately started running around the room, trying to collect supplies as Gigi tried not to laugh. “Okay so I have some snacks and drinks we can bring- I hate that everywhere closes so early. And I’m bringing my blanket. Because I want to. Oh and I forgot to tell you! Michelle and I went to this vape shop and we bought a dab pen together!” Crystal tossed Gigi the dab pen, but Gigi refrained from hitting it. She cannot drive high.

“Aww it’s cute. Did you name it?” Gigi asked. She grabbed one of Crystal’s totes and started putting the snacks and drinks in. Crystal was still walking around, opening every drawer and cabinet in her apartment as she found everything they might need.

“Well. I wanted to name it fracking. But I don’t think Michelle liked that, so we decided on Madonna. Well- Michelle decided on Madonna,” Crystal answered, grinning at Gigi. And they both burst out laughing, again. The thing about Crystal Methyd is that her joy is contagious. Gigi could revel in it all day, if the universe would let her.

“Alright, do we have everything?” Gigi looked across the room. She had a tote filled with snacks and bottles of water slung over her shoulder. Crystal had another tote with phone chargers, Madonna, a flashlight, and towels? And of course, her huge white fluffy comforter was balled up in her arms.

“Yup. LET’S GO!” Crystal let out a whoop and yanked the door open. They both flew down the narrow steep stairs, feet pounding. Gigi could’ve sworn she heard Jaida yelling “What in the fuck?!” As they passed her door. And then Gigi was in the driver's seat, watching Crystal shove her blanket in the backseat, getting into the car after. “Alright. Are you ready?” Crystal asked, and they both couldn’t stop smiling.

“I’m ready. Where are we going though? Like- can you get directions?” Gigi watched Crystal take out her phone, opening Google Maps.

“Okay... so I know I can’t be trusted with directions, but this doesn’t look too bad. It’s like... one road?” Crystal trailed off.

“I’m trusting you Miss Methyd,” Gigi gave her a warning look. Crystal just laughed, and started the directions.

“Don’t listen to me, listen to Siri,” she told Gigi. And so they started to drive through Amsterdam, towards their destination.

“Where are we even going?” Gigi asked, getting on the highway.

“Miss Gigi Goode, we are GOING TO THE BEACH!” Crystal cheered, and immediately started blasting “ Starships ” by Nicki Minaj. Gigi let out a groan but had to laugh.

“You’re giving me FLASHBACKS!” She yelled, but of course couldn’t hold back from scream-singing along with Crystal. A part of Gigi wished they were driving during the day. She knew the route was taking them through smaller cities in the Netherlands she still wanted to see, like Haarlem. When Gigi voiced this to Crystal, she just looked at her, confused.

“Harlem? Like New York City?” Crystal asked. Love Story (Taylor’s Version) was playing lightly through the car speakers.

“Haarlem like the Netherlands. There’s... there are other places named Harlem,” Gigi chuckled, and Crystal just shook her head, hitting her dab pen.

“Alright don’t act all smart with me, Miss College dropout,” she muttered under her breath. Gigi gasped, turning to look at Crystal in mock horror.

“Crystal you bitch!” Gigi cried, smacking her in the arm. Crystal just giggled, and Gigi knew that stupid high giggle. Suddenly, “ Sedona ” by Houndmouth started playing, and they both perked up in their seats. “Turn it up TURN IT UP!!” Gigi exclaimed, and Crystal leaned forward, cranking the volume all the way up. Gigi rolled down the windows, and the cool summer breeze wrapped around them, whipping through the car. Gigi could feel the bass of the music pounding in her body. And there was Crystal next to her, hair flying in ten different directions, screaming along to Sedona, a wide grin on her face. And Gigi’s chest burned.

After about 45 minutes of driving, Gigi could smell the ocean. She followed Siri’s directions, pulling into the beach’s parking lot. The whole place was completely empty, not a person in sight. Probably since it was 2 AM on a Monday night.

Once Gigi was parked, she and Crystal immediately jumped out of the car.  “GIVE ME MADONNA!” Gigi said as they ran towards the beach together. She took a long hit, exhaling into the night air. Crystal was ripping off her shoes, and before Gigi could think to stop her, she was in the water, up to her knees. At least she was wearing shorts.

“GIGI COME ON!!” Crystal was jumping up and down, holding out her arms for Gigi to join her. And as she jumped in midair, a wave came crashing down, knocking her into the water. Gigi gasped watching Crystal go under, but as she rose out of the water, mullet soaked covering her face, clothes clinging to her body, all Gigi could do was cackle, doubled over in the sand. “I HATE MY LIFE!” Crystal screamed, crawling towards Gigi. “GIGI I HATE MY LIFE!” Gigi couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying or both. All she knew was that she’d never let Crystal live this down. “Why is the water so cold? It’s summer,” Crystal’s teeth were chattering, her whole body shaking.

“Poor baby,” Gigi cooed, helping Crystal up on her feet.

“Why is the water so cold?” Crystal whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Awww. Do you want some cheese?” Gigi pretended to be concerned, combing her fingers through Crystal’s mullet, trying to put it back into place.

“I’m lactose intolerant you know that,” Crystal pouted, and Gigi was fighting so hard not to laugh.

“You want some cheese with that WHINE?” Gigi exclaimed, and then Crystal was chasing her around the beach, shouting obscenities. This didn’t last long of course, they’re not very big runners. So eventually they went back to the car and carried all their supplies back to the beach.

For an hour, Crystal and Gigi laid out on the sand in the dark night air together, just talking about literally anything. Gigi talked about how much she missed Hunter, Marko, Symone, Rosy, and everyone back home. How they had helped Gigi pack for Amsterdam at the last minute, all so excited.

“Amsterdam is my fresh start. That’s what we would call it. Symone promised I would come back as a changed human,” Gigi muttered. Crystal turned on her side, facing her.

“Do you think you’ve changed? Has Amsterdam... been good for you?” Her voice was so small, and fuck Gigi was in too deep. Again.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like... there’s just something in the air here. It makes it easier to breathe. I don’t know,” Gigi was laying on her back, gazing up at the stars.

“Yeah,” Crystal nodded in agreement, still facing Gigi. “I know what you mean. But a part of me feels like... maybe it’s not being in Amsterdam. That makes it easier to breathe. That makes everything better. I think it’s... I don’t know,” she trailed off, but Gigi knew exactly what she meant. She heard it loud and clear. And it terrified her.

“We should probably go,” Gigi whispered, and she was mortified to feel tears welling in her eyes.

“Gigi...” Crystal looked at her, searching. But Gigi ignored her, jumping up and brushing the sand off her body.

“Cmon,” Gigi smiled, hoping Crystal would see that Gigi was fine.

Gigi was fine. Gigi was fine. Gigi was fine.

They silently made their way back to the car. Gigi watched as Crystal put the towel down on her seat, then climbed into the passenger seat, wrapped in her blanket like a burrito. Gigi snorted, and Crystal just playfully glared at her.

“Turn on the heat,” she smiled lightly. Gigi rolled her eyes, utterly failing to hold back a smile as she turned the knob to blast the heat. Then, “ Summer Love ” by the hit world famous iconic legendary boyband One Direction flowed softly out of the speakers, and Gigi hated that her chest used to ache when she would listen to the song and think about Crystal. And how it still did.

Crystal wasn’t looking at Gigi though. She had leaned her head against the window, looking up into the night sky. Gigi glanced up through the sunroof, letting out a soft breath as she saw the stars shining bright. And then her eyes fell back to Crystal, and she was still gazing at the stars, and Gigi felt something rumbling deep in her chest. She couldn’t fight back the soft smile on her face, looking at Crystal fondly. Her eyes turned to meet Gigi’s, and she easily returned the smile. And then Gigi remembered she was driving and looked back on the road.

“What are you thinking about?” Crystal murmured, watching her. And Gigi thought, eyes still trained on the road.

Gigi figured for all the drives she’d gone on with Crystal, all the times they’d sat out on the balcony together until sunrise, Gigi had come to know the night sky by heart. Gigi knew every star, every constellation. She knew Crystal’s soft smile, gazing up at the sky. And sometimes Crystal’s head would turn, and she would look at Gigi, constellations in her eyes. And Gigi swore that the sun and the moon and all the night skies they had seen together, all of the sunrises, the sunsets driving through the mountains, were nothing compared to Crystal Methyd. But she couldn’t know that.

“Nothing,” Gigi responded. “What are you thinking about?”

“I... kinda wanna go to London?” Crystal said sheepishly. Gigi just turned to look at her, wondering what the hell is she up to?

“Like... right... now?” Gigi asked. Crystal let out a laugh, shaking her head.

“No! Like... this weekend? Just Saturday and Sunday. Jaida said we get one weekend off of our choosing. And we can’t use it too close to Pride because we’re gonna be busy,” Crystal explained, and Gigi’s chest was on fire.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.  

“Um... sure,” Gigi shrugged her shoulders. “Let’s do it. We always have fun in the city, don’t we Miss Methyd?” Gigi gave her a sly grin. And maybe she was testing the waters, seeing how far she could go. Just out of curiosity. But maybe Crystal was testing the waters too, because she responded with a wink,

“Oh yes we do. Believe me, I remember.”

New York City

“What if he’s weird?”

“Crystal-”

“I’m just saying, what Uber driver is active at three a.m. in New York City?”

“Elizabeth-”

“What’s his name anyway? Trent? Never trust anyone named Trent-”

“Methyd.”

“Shit, is that him?” Crystal asked. A Buick SUV pulled up then stopped.

“Gigi?” Trent asked, rolling down his window.

“Yup,” Gigi said, pulling open the door to the backseat. She felt Crystal hovering over her shoulder. “It’s fine, Crys.” They both slid into the back of the car, shoulders pressed together.

“Where to?” Trent asked.

“Dream Midtown Hotel, in Uptown Manhattan. Wherever that… is...” Gigi trailed off. Trent nodded before driving off. Thankfully, he didn’t ask any questions on how exactly they ended up at Coney Island. And thankfully Trent showed up when he did because after about five minutes of driving it began to pour. While driving, Trent picked up a phone call, suddenly oblivious to Crystal and Gigi. The wails of sirens harmonized with a blaring car horn. Gigi leaned into Crystal.

“I hate New York,” she said. Crystal, who was staring out the window, whipped around to face Gigi.

“Really?” Crystal asked softly. Gigi nodded. Crystal turned back to the window, propping her head upon her hand. “Must be because you live in a big city. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many lights before.”

Gigi hated New York. She did. But she loved the way the city reflected in Crystal’s eyes. Flashes of blue, red, orange, purple, green, and white flickered throughout the car. And though being driven through the city at 3 am by a sketchy man was the last thing Gigi wanted to do, Crystal made it worth it. Because Crystal made everything worth it.

“Where do you like? If not New York?” Crystal whispered, looking tired. Gigi smiled.

“Well, L.A. obviously. But Chicago.” Crystal was silent, eyes pleading for Gigi to say more. “Uhm, my friends and I on the weekends would make up these elaborate lies to tell our parents and then take the bus or train into Chicago. We were all sixteen, and there was this one drag bar that allowed us to go in and we would just spend the night watching these queens perform and...” Gigi realized Crystal was staring at her, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. “And it’s so dumb to say now... but I just fucking fell in love with Chicago,” Gigi finished.

“That’s where we’ll go next,” Crystal said simply.

“What?”

“Next time we see each other after New York, we’ll go to Chicago. I’m dying to meet Krysti anyway,” Crystal laughed. Gigi beamed.

“Seriously?” she chuckled. Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

“Of course.” Gigi realized how close they had gotten, their noses practically touching. Trent turned up the radio. “ New York ” by St. Vincent flowed softly through the car.

“New York isn’t New York without you love,”

Crystal hadn’t let go of her hand. She inhaled quickly as if she were about to say something, but stopped. Gigi watched as the gears in Crystal’s mind began to shift.

“Is-” Crystal started, “is it bad I’m happy Paul isn’t here?” she confessed, and then “I don’t think I could see you both in the same room, it just wouldn’t make sense to me.” Gigi’s heart skipped a beat, not sure if this was Crystal begging her to read in between the lines or if this was Gigi’s wishful thinking. Either way, she ran her thumb across Crystal’s hand.  

“Is it bad I’m also happy Paul isn’t here?” Gigi didn’t mean for it to sound like she was telling a secret, but it did. Crystal’s eyes flickered down to Gigi’s lips, only for a second, but it was enough to send chills down Gigi’s body. She mirrored Crystal, her heart pounding in sync with the sound of rain falling on the metal roof of the car. It was Crystal who finally closed the space between them. It was barely a kiss, their lips catching each other for just a moment. But god, it was electric. Lightning struck.

“Looks like it’s about to be the perfect storm,” Trent said to whoever he was talking to on the phone. Gigi and Crystal both let out awkward chuckles. It was dark, and Gigi could barely even see Crystal but she knew she was smiling, and Gigi hoped Crystal knew that she was smiling too.

The car stopped before either of them had a chance to speak, though Gigi couldn’t even fathom what she could possibly say to Crystal. They both just got out of the car, thanking Trent quickly. When they got in the elevator, Crystal pressed the button for floor six instead of their floor, floor eight. Gigi cleared her throat.

“Floor six?” Gigi asked.

“Thought I’d just say goodnight to Widow before I head to bed,” Crystal said, a hint of panic in her voice.

“Do you want to talk about- uhh-like- what just happened?” Gigi asked.

“It was just a kiss,” Crystal said, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Gigi. “Just like on the party bus, right?”

“You kissed me” is what Gigi wanted to say. “You kissed me and you’re saying it was a joke, that it meant nothing, but I can’t believe you, I can’t bear to try. I saw the glimmer in your eye, the slight upturn of the corner of your mouth as we slowly filled the space between us. I felt your heart beating. I felt you.”  

“Yeah,” Gigi said instead. “Just like on the party bus.”

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Crystal whispered as the doors opened on floor six.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, goodnight.”

“Night.” Crystal stepped out of the elevator and walked away, not looking back as Gigi desperately pressed the button to make the door closed. Gigi sunk onto the floor of the elevator, bunching her hair in her fists. No matter how hard she tried that night, she couldn’t get her lips to stop buzzing. Just wait until Hunter hears about this one.

Amsterdam

“Okay. Now don’t go around doing your British accents because people will get offended,” Michelle said.

“Or do! The British might be honored!” Jaida quipped.

“No. Your accents are terrible, they will not be honored.”

“I don’t know Michelle... I think our accents are rather good,” Crystal said in her god awful British accent.

“Yeah, I think they’re pretty on the nose,” Gigi agreed in her accent, which was only slightly less worse.

“You guys are gonna get canceled...” Michelle muttered.

“Let the 15 year olds on Twitter cancel you, they can’t even read yet,” Jaida said, and then “well, this is where y’all board!” Crystal and Gigi stood at the entrance of the train that would take them to London. Michelle pulled them both into big hugs.

“Be safe, ladies. Don’t do what I would do.” Gigi and Crystal both laughed.

“Don’t listen to her! Have fun, fuck up some crumpets for me,” Jaida laughed. Gigi looked at Jaida and Michelle, who both were looking at them with puppy dog eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Gigi asked.

“We’re just gonna miss you,” Michelle said softly.

“And we wake and baked this morning. You know weed makes me all teary eyed,” Jaida sniffled. Crystal and Gigi threw their heads back laughing in unison. Jaida pulled Gigi into a hug. “I’ll never get over it... seeing you two happy, together again,” Jaida whispered.

“Jaida...” Gigi trailed off.

“I know, I know it’s all behind you but... we were scared for a minute.” Gigi gave Jaida a final squeeze.

“We’ll see you guys in a few days!” Gigi said as she and Crystal stepped onto the train.

“Goodbye darlings!” Jaida and Michelle waved them off. Crystal and Gigi silently found their compartment and settled in next to each other.

“This is gonna be the best weekend of our life!” Crystal cheered. “Even better than Drive n’ Drag!” Gigi heard Crystal not say. They booked a train for early in the morning so they’d make it into London by afternoon.

“Are you nervous about the tunnel?” Gigi asked.

“No...” Crystal lied.

“It’ll be fine, I promise,” Gigi said. She grabbed Crystal’s hand without even thinking, like she had just turned on autopilot. And Crystal, also on autopilot, rested her head on Gigi’s shoulder. And it felt like old times. It felt like home.

Just then, they entered the underwater tunnel, so Gigi turned on the playlist. “You okay?” she asked. But Crystal was asleep on Gigi’s shoulder. And all Gigi could do was think about where she was a year before. Preparing looks for Drive N’ Drag, late nights with Rosy and Symone coming up with possible scenarios that could happen, feeling so full of hope. And Gigi ignored the pit in her stomach because she was full of that same, blind hope just now.

New York City

Gigi laid awake all night, replaying the kiss over and over in her head. It was so quick, so soft, barely there. Had she imagined it? No. Because she remembered Crystal’s panicked eyes in the elevator, getting off on Widow’s floor. She remembered Crystal saying “It was just a kiss,” like it meant nothing. But she also remembered seeing Crystal’s face in the Uber, her smile illuminating the city.

Because she kissed Gigi.

But Crystal claimed it meant nothing. It was like the party bus. So what could Gigi do about it?

‘Go home and cry about it to Rosy and Symone.’

That was the only thing she could do. So Gigi forced herself to fall asleep, but even in sleep, she just saw flashes of Crystal on the subway, Crystal at the bar, Crystal getting off the elevator, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal sitting under the Coney Island wheel, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal’s face pressed into Gigi’s neck, burning hot.

 Crystal in the Uber, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal in the Uber.

Crystal kissing Gigi. Crystal kissing Gigi.  

Gigi kissing her back.

Gigi was jolted awake by her alarm, and let out a groan as she realized the van coming to bring the Queens to the airport would be there in an hour, and her room was an absolute mess. She scrambled out of bed, rushing to pack everything up. She didn’t even have a moment to think about Crystal until she was sitting next to her in the back of the van, being driven to the airport.

“Hi,” Crystal gave Gigi a tight smile, not meeting her eyes.

“Hello,” Gigi said casually.  

Please act normal. We’re about to say goodbye for who knows how long. Please act normal.

It seemed that Crystal got the message, because she immediately relaxed, and suddenly it was like nothing had even happened last night. Almost. Because they weren’t pressed up against each other, their foreheads weren’t barely touching, whispering nonsense back and forth. Crystal kept her distance.

It sort of felt like she was already back in Missouri, just out of reach.

But still, they talked with the other queens driving to the airport, and as each minute passed, Gigi became painfully aware of the fact that she didn’t know the next time she’d see Crystal. Of course, they would make plans eventually. Gigi was due to visit Crystal in Springfield, maybe for one of her viewing parties. And of course, Crystal said they would go to Chicago. But when? They would both have such crazy schedules once the show aired. But looking at Crystal laughing at something Widow said, Gigi knew they would be alright. Widow said Gigi just needed to give Crystal time. She could do that. She had waited this long, she could wait a little longer. Crystal was worth it.

The van pulled up to the airport, and Gigi followed everyone out. As the driver unloaded all the suitcases, Gigi turned to face Crystal. She was just looking at Gigi, tears in her eyes.

“Not yet, holy shit,” Gigi laughed, and Crystal had to join, shaking her head.

“Shut up,” she chuckled, punching Gigi’s shoulder lightly. They walked into the airport together, suitcases in trail. Once they made it through security, the queens all hugged each other goodbye. The next time they’d all be together was at the finale in April. Gigi wondered if things would be different with Crystal by the time they’d get to see each other at the finale. Maybe they would actually be together. Or maybe they would still be stuck in this weird limbo, unsure of what they were anymore. Only time would tell.

Gigi’s flight was boarding in fifteen minutes, and Crystal’s was boarding an hour later. So Crystal walked Gigi to her gate, and neither of them were sure what to say to the other.

What do you even say?

“I’ll uh... text you. When my flight lands,” Crystal said awkwardly, looking anywhere but Gigi.

“Okay,” Gigi said lightly. She had to say something. This was the last time they were seeing each other until... well at least until April. But so many things had happened in the three days they’d spent together...

What do you even say?

“Crystal I... I don’t know,” Gigi whispered. Crystal’s eyes met hers, and Gigi could feel her saying a million things. Gigi knew how confused she was, how scared she was. She understood. Crystal needed time. So Gigi did the one thing she knew and pulled Crystal into a tight hug. She didn’t whisper sweet nothings, she didn’t cry, she just held Crystal as tight as possible, for as long as she could. And Crystal held back just as tight, burying her face in Gigi’s neck.

Gigi didn’t know how long they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, oblivious to everyone else. And then her flight was called. “Alright,” She whispered, pulling away from Crystal. “I’ll see you soon,” she tried to smile, but it was a grimace, and fuck now Crystal’s eyes were welling with tears again, and Gigi had to go, but Crystal was standing there, gaping like a fish, trying to find the right words to say.

“Gigi...” she started, but nothing came out.

“I know,” Gigi said firmly. She pulled Crystal into another quick hug. “I will see you soon,” she smiled at Crystal, and Crystal smiled back through her tears.

“I’ll see you soon,” she whispered, and then Gigi was walking to her plane.

In the months to come, Gigi would look back on this moment, playing it over and over in her head. Because in three weeks, the whole world would be on lockdown, in the middle of a raging pandemic. Crystal, Gigi, and everyone else would be stuck at home, told not to travel, not to see their friends and family, to flatten the curve. They wouldn’t see each other at the finale, which instead was held on Zoom. Gigi wouldn’t get to visit Crystal in Springfield, getting to meet her friends and family.

No.

Instead, Gigi would lay in bed at night, wishing she had said something, anything to Crystal. Wishing that the last time they saw each other for who knows how long hadn’t been spent in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Gigi wished she had been braver, that Crystal had known what she wanted. Gigi wished the universe hadn’t decided to come crashing down just when things were maybe finally going to happen with Crystal. But more than anything, Gigi wished she could’ve had just one more night with Crystal in New York. Gigi wished they had more time.

[abloomntime]

A Bloom In Time Ch26 Nightmares And Shadows

(Warning: Death scene, Mentioning of past death, nightmares, and a light panic attack.)

Cold. Darkness. All of it came rushed over so suddenly. Just like the two heavily armored guards carrying her kicking and screaming self towards the dreaded summer house that housed the royals deep in the snowed up world. That winter suddenly came that year unexpectedly with the freezing winds suddenly whipping around her when she just closed up her stand for the day, pocketing the expensive bracelet she was given as payment and what coins she received as payment, ready to go home. She didn't make much from her flower stand she always wanted, but that was always fine and dandy. She loved the smiles on the children's faces when they'd buy single flowers for their parents, or if she'd sell them flowers in exchange for small things like food. It was one way to get to eat around here. But the chills filling the air that after noon followed by the loud thumping sounds coming towards her were new. Especially when all of a sudden two giant armored men stood over her and seized her without warning. So naturally she resisted and fought against her captors as they took her away.

"LET THE PECK GO OF ME!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!"

The farther down the path they went the more horrified she became. There was ...snow. IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!! Harsh white and cold wind glared all around her as she gawked around wildly....and then shrieked at the sight of a frozen person as they passed. Their feared expression forever frozen on their face. The poor girl went silent from the numb cold as those blue eyes widened in horror at all the suurounding frozen people as they walked past, never easing up on her grip, or giving any emotion to anything around them as the horrified woman went limp in their arms from shock as they approached the black gates and beyond that was the manor. Her blue eyes flicked up to it. It looked more menacing than it usually did as the entire house loomed over them the closer they got and a sudden feeling of dread filled her up to the very core of her soul as they were swallowed by the shadows and even more coldness bearing down on her. The guards didn't stop until they were going up the stairs and into the home. It was as dark and cold as the outside. Even more so if that was possible. She was still frozen and scared in the grip of the guards when the doors opened and they forced her inside. The inside of the manor was colder than the outside is that was even possible, and if she wasn't already in shock, she would've shrieked at what was awaiting them just a few feet away from the door.

In the darkness of cold and shadows, a hunched over monster made it's way over to them but dared not come further than five feet giving a hiss. Like she was a skunk and this red eyed thing was afraid of her. How strange, but that didn't stop her stop pointing a hand at her, and in possibly the most scariest, raspy voice Poppy had ever heard. Said:

"Take her to the room and lock her away. ...I can't look at her as my prince had done. Perhaps locking her away forever will teach her a lesson about gazing into another man's eyes who belong TO ME!!"

"...WAIT!! WHAT?!" She attempted to struggle again but their strength was too much.

Sadly be the fate of the innocent florist wasn't a pleasant one. As she was marched up the stairs to the very third floor of the manor, the coldness and shadows started to become too much to the point of her screaming and struggling body starting to be overcome by them all. the long hallway they were taking her down ended in a single pair of double doors, the doors surrounded by locks that haven't been locked yet.

The guards marched the poor woman now panicking in their grip flailing about, trying to get out of their grip like a fly in a cold spiderweb to no avail. The two giant guards marched noisily towards somewhere unknown as the third floor rooms and hallways passed them as they marched with seemingly no regard for the woman yelling and pulling between them. Eventually marching down one hallways in particular with a double door room at the end of it, heavy and thick with chains and locks fit for a dungeon instead of a bed room. The two guards went right up to it and before Poppy could even yell out peck again- She was tossed in rather hard. She landed with a giant thud sound and yelped out as her body landed with the freezing cold floor. As her weakly numbing body was pushed into the empty room, she looked up just in time to see the two heavily armored guards slam the doors behind her. She struggled to stand with the cold seeping through all her body but wobbled to the door, vision blurring with nothing but darkness. And it only began to get colder and COLDER!! Poppy groaned from the pain but those blue eyes snapped open at the sudden noise of doors slamming behind her. Panic and adrenaline pumping through her veins and she stumbled to her feet as fast as she could. The rattling of chains and clicking of heavy locks made her fear spike worse and she went to it as fast as she could grabbing the door knob and pushing. Even as all the clicks and locks of the locks were put into place and the floor jostling with the heavy footsteps of the guards stopping away, she fell to her knees against the door and banged her fist against it. Screaming to be let out as the coldness and blackness seeped more into the room and still overtook her form.

"HEY!! WHAT THE PECK!? LET ME OUT!!" The heavy doors creaked from her pushing and pulling and desperately turning the knob. The floor shaking lightly with the heavy footsteps of the guards walking away. The realization of them walking away made her more desperate to get out, and she now went to banging on the door. "H-HEY!! DO YOU LUGNUTS HEAR ME?! I SAID I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OK?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT IM SORRY OK!! PLEASE!! LET ME GO!! I SWEAR TO YOU I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THAT CRAZY SHADOW LADY SAID!!"

She got no reply and could hear them getting and farther away, panicking she tore herself away from the door. Heart hammering in her ears and eyes scrambling around the dark room for any signs of escape to no avail. No windows. No other doors. Nothing. The coldness was starting to creep in now and the shadows of the room got closer....and closer...... Her panting became faster and in a moment of desperation, she backed all the way to the other side of the empty room and looked at the door. Bracing herself, she ran as fast as she could across the room and rammed her shoulder as hard as she could into the heavy duty door. A thud rang out but there wasn't even a dent in the thick would. Leaving her only falling to the ground and reaching up to rub her sore shoulder from the ramming. The cold slowly creeped closer and closer and the shadows swallowed her whole until her world fell into a black slumber for a thousand years.

Screeching that sounded like bloody murder echoed out through the closed attic and blue eyes opened in a sudden blurry black vision. Someone sat up and more screams were hollered out at two glowing yellow orbs that scattered away from the source of the sounds as whoever was cutting his ears with piercing screams moved back away from him. Blanket uncovering their body and a pillow tossed in the direction of the shadow monster of nightmares coming back for her. .....Well it most certainly WAS a shadow. But NOT the one she just had a nightmare about. This shadow yelped when his face was suddenly wacked by a pillow and as it fell to the floor he shook his head and watched as the panicked woman scattered back from him.

"I'M SORRY!! I'M SORRY!! DON'T PUT ME BACK IN THERE!! I HATE THE COLD!!", she desperately cried out pleading for her life.

"WHAT THE PECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!," A male voice demanded staring down at her with a scowl. "As if I would lock you up!"

"Your majesty?"

Snatcher floated there silently at the sudden title thrown at him from no where. Poppy could feel a rush of adrenaline pumping through her veins and she briefly wondered how fast she could make it to the ever moving platform- A jolt shook her body at the sudden snap noise and a second later blue flames appeared in the hand of the shadow creature who loomed over her, his scowling face softened up to pure confusion as he stared down at her and she stared up blinking at the giant creature. Anyone else would've screamed and ran away but-

"It's ME!," Snatcher said in a slightly grumpy tone but he stopped completely staring at the sudden state of the woman in front of him.

Shaking goosebumped flesh drenched in cold sweat. Raw fear circulating through her body, he could feel it. He could always feel the fear and auras radiating off one's soul and he took delight in someone's fear. It made him strong, powerful. HUNGRY AND EXCITED EVEN!! Yet now. Feeling the soul within her beat and radiate that same fear felt....wrong. Sick. Made him want to spit out ectoplasm. This fear was bad, made him get cold from just being near it so much. Made him want to dive through the floors below to escape the ooze of it until it completely went away when she calmed down. Yet...A force made him remain where he was, looming over her staring and not going anywhere. Fear was something he knew was a powerful motivator for someone like him but the fact remains that....She shouldn't be left alone in a state like this. Confused, lost, eyes small as her heart raced and fear pumped through her, afraid..Alone.

He didn't want to be alone-

".....Snatcher?" The soft voice snapped him out of his stupor and he stared right into those blue eyes registering this shadow as not an enemy.

The yellow eyes loomed closer and she still could barely see even with the light provided. But certainly felt the peach fuzzed like claws gently place themselves on her shoulders like she was a tiny child compared to this creature who needed comfort. "Yeah. Yeah it's me." He said as calmly and softly as possible and was rewarded with a shudder and sigh from Poppy in front of him. Also rewarding him was a choke coming from her throat and fresh tears coming from her eyes in the form of her crying. Making the ghost freeze and stare as a pang of panic shot through his shadowy form. Poppy was- Why was she-....Crying?! Real actual crying like a few times he'd seen her do before but this time it seemed more powerful than the time that stupid statue was chasing her or when the dumb noose 'flirted' with her. He still wanted nothing more than to burn it to ashes and crumble that stone menace to pebbles, but anger right now wasn't going to do him or her any good. And there was no way in peck he was about to leave her like this either. His other hand with the flames snapped letting the fire float in the air so both his hands could be free to help out and hovered above Poppy's shoulder stopping. "Are you.....Is it alright if I touched you?" She sniffed and made a couple more choke sounds from her state but managed to force something out that sounded like 'ok', and slowly a soft arm wrapped around her shoulders and she felt the presense sit down on the floor next to her. Not full on caging her in a hug, but offering her comfort with a arm around her anyways giving her enough space and closeness. Continuing to cry her eyes out, the woman reached her hands up to swipe at those stinging tears from her slightly pink face now. He cringed at the sight but kept his mouth shut, pulling a hankerchief out of no where and holding it out to her silently. It took Poppy a few moments to actually notice it was there but once she did it was yanked from him and held to her tear stained face. Blowing her nose loudly and wiping her tears away from her face. A small blunt 'thanks' was squeaked out from the lady and he still remained silent for a long while. Nothing but her crying and hiccupping and the silence of the attic. ".......Are you feeling better?"

.......She sniffed and nodded without looking at him. "Yeah..I t-t-think so...Thanks."

He hummed and continued to sit there and look at her trying to sniff and clear her face up now. By now he had a pretty good idea of what might've caused such a reaction out of her, but he didn't want to jump the gun and make the situation any more uncomfortable. "What happened?" is what he ended up asking after a few silent moments of thinking.

"Jus' a.....a bad dream." Still not meeting his gaze he saw. Hm.

"What about?" He gently pressed. His ghostly brow rising as he saw her completely still under his hold. Maybe that was too soon to ask. "Do...you want to talk about it? It's perfectly fine if you don't want to."

......She groaned and leaned back into his arm which was pretty sturdy enough for her to lean against and not fall through. Strange. You'd think she'd just pass through it since he can pass through walls but nope, with her head pointed up towards the ceiling eyes closed. "....I don't know anymore. It's just....." Her eyes opened to stare up at the dark ceiling above them. Faint shadows danced in what dim light the one blue flame provided and gold eyes blinked at her from her right. Snatcher's eyes. They looked so much like Jack-o-lanturn eyes. It was kinda funny on a peach feeling purple ghost king. Her heart beats have gone down back to normal by now and now her eyes were just a bit sore from all the crying and rubbing to make the tears go away. "I-....I think I just remembered how I died."

Snatcher couldn't snapped his head down to her faster than when he did eyes widening. "You what?"

Her death. That means-...Did she remember him?! Did she put the pieces together?! Did she know it was all his-...Vanessa's fault she was frozen for over a thousand years and blame HIM?! DID SHE BLAME HIM?! DID SHE EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM?! If he was still alive with a heart beat and lungs, his panic might've been given away by rapid heart beats and irregular breathing that comes with it. But all he managed was a panicked face and quick question. He still remained that way when she turned her head leaning against his arm towards him.

"I said I remembered how I got in that room. What Queen-....What she said. The cold that made me pass out. I remember all of it..including what she said."

What...DID Vanessa say to Poppy before her death- "What did she say?," came his raspy voice in a whisper, but not that Poppy noticed.

"She..W-Well." She sniffed again and wiped at her face. "She definately said to lock me in that room. But she also said something else. Something about gazing into another man's eyes and something else about a prince." Snatcher could feel himself becoming more uncomfortable by the minute as she looked him directly into his eyes with confusion and completely no understanding. "I don't understand any of this. I only knew one prince in my entire life and he was nothing but a friend. Why was I being accused of gazing into someone's eyes? ......it doesn't make any sense to me."

Guilt. That was the first feeling to twist in his misshapen form and give him that empty gut feeling despite not having a body for quite sometime now. Of course it didn't make any sense to Poppy, she didn't have the full story. Barely even a quarter of it. Only her own short encounter about the events that tragically took place over a thousand years ago that all suddenly smacked her back in her face now. And so soon, it was honestly worrying for himself and her. Oh peck. OHPECKOHPECKOHPECK- He was NOT ready for this. Not NOW. Not so soon. Especially not like this. All of a sudden there was Hazelle's annoying voice replaying back into his mind.

"Maybe you two WERE just friends. But thing's aren't the same as they were a thousand years ago, Snatchy. She doesn't know you are...well YOU. And she probably doesn't see you as a friend anymore because she doesn't know YOU you. She probably sees you as a 'boss' when you obviously see her as an old friend and like her more than that. You gotta get all this sorted out soon. Right now it sounds like a giant mess and you need to take a broom to it and sweep all the problematic dust away."

Thanks, Hazelle. She just had to put that thought in his head now. This would stick in his head and act on that guilt for a while-

"Philip."

Snatcher. FROZE. Any thoughts in his head haulting and fizzling into thin air as that one word left her mouth. Anything he was about to say dying on his tongue as those yellow glowing eyes continued to stare dead at the woman staring back at him with that same confused, indifferent expression. It was over. Done. He was absolutely finished. The end of the line for him after only a week. This was how he was going down in flames.

"That was his name. Prince Philip from the south, and he was.....engaged to Queen Vanessa." Her eyes widened as she leaned up and away from Snatcher's arm. Eyes widening with some new revolution flung into her brain and unconciously her hand went to clutch the gold bracelet strapped around her own wrist like it was a life saving device. "Prince Philip was engaged to Queen Vanessa!!" Her eyes snapped back to Snatcher bright with some kind of find as the ghost was still panicking eternally staring at her, not willing himself to move, but scooted back a foot or two and blinked when she quickly pointed at him. "THAT MUST'VE BEEN THE THING SHE WAS GOING ON ABOUT WITH THIS WHOLE TREASON THING!! It all makes a bit o' sense now." Her gaze went back to the bracelet wrapped around her wrist as it breifly reflected the blue fire. She had almost forgotten about it during this hectic weak now, but now...it felt like a HUGE piece of a missing puzzle had been placed down and she felt that empty hollow feeling being almost fully complete as it somewhat made sense now. "That's what she must've been referrin' too. But gazin' into his eyes? I don't get it. I never did such a thing and I definately never committed any kind of treason towards her or Prince Philip."

Well at least she was finally starting to get somewhere and get something. But there was still so so many questions needing answers. Why had the Queen been so insistant that Poppy committed some sort of action against her or the prince? It just made no sense. All she ever did was make small talk with him and sell flowers in the town square. She made sure to follow all the rules, and pay all her taxes. And she was never rude to anyone that didn't deserve a good talking back. If Queen Vanessa and that....thing with the red eyes were one in the same then how did she get that way? Why did she think of all people POPPY was responsible for some crazy bad thing that happened to her? She never even met or spoken to her before that day, not when out of talking to her fiance. And it's not like they were romatically involved or anything. Just spoke two or three times a week when he bought flowers for HER mind you. Was there something she was missing? Was there something that caused all of this she didn't know about? Thinking carefully about what Vanessa told her, she mentioned someone gazing into her man's eyes.......Did that mean that-....THE PRINCE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR BEHIND HER MAJESTY'S BACK?! Unlikely. He seemed so genuinely kind and always went out of his way to help others, and even spent so much money on flowers just for her. There was NO way he could've fallen for anyone else. But-.....It seemed like the only thing she had to go on at the moment.

"He gave me this." She held up her wrist to him and his eyes slowly shifted to the bracelet he gifted her on that fateful day. "In exchange for just a small bouquet of flowers can you believe it?" She gave a small smile at it. "Heh. He was always a strange one. Always studyin' laws an' making sure he paid every pon owed. But he was also really kind and caring to everyone. I can't imagine him actually having any affairs behind her majesty's back-"

"HE DIDN'T!!," he blurted out in a spike of anger startling her and he once again froze.

"How do you know that?," she asked genuinely confused.

OH PECK!! OH PECK!! OH PECK!! What does he do?! What does he do!? He had stupidly blurted that out without thinking!! Well it WAS true. He never had an affair while he was with Vanessa, even if he did fall in love with someone else at the time too, and he made it clear to anyone he wasn't the bad one in that relationship while it lasted. But it seemed that blunt anger towards her got the best of him, and he wanted to smack himself so, SO bad at this moment. He was panicking. Staring at her silently as she was clearly confused and waiting for an answer. THINK YOU FOOL!!!! THINK!!

"UH....I- Um-....I-I-I was there when he was killed." It was the only thing he could think of in the short time he was panicking without arowsing suspicion.

Instead he might've made things a bit worse when she just stared at him suddenly blanking. Making him want to slink back into the shadows where he came. OH P E C K- Her eyes went wide with the suddenly thought bombarding her brain. Snatcher was-....There? Snatcher was there with Prince Philip when he was...SNATCHER WAS THERE!! Snatcher flinched when Poppy suddenly grabbed the front of his body by his chest fluff desperately and he let out a startled yep when she yanked him down eye level with her.

"YOU WERE THERE?! WHAT HAPPENED?! PLEASE!! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!! WAS HE ALRIGHT!?"

"CALM DOWN!!" He pulled himself away and shook his head staring down at her. "Calm down. You-...... *sigh*" He looked sideways away. "You wouldn't like what you hear- UH!?"

He paused when soft hands suddenly clasped onto his and he paused. Yellow eyes staring deep into those blue ones he loved to look at so much when he was alive with heart beat. A pleading look in them as begging fell from her lips, "Please. I-It's...It's important. I have to know what happened. I spent so much time confused over nothing and I HAVE to know......Snatcher, please. Help me."

A silence fell over the two as they just sat there staring at each other in mostly darkness and staring into each others' eyes. Poppy blinked at the feeling of something soft wrapping around her hands and when she looked he was gently holding her hands. Snatcher made a hissing noise, not like a cat hiss but like what it sounded like when someone sucked a breath through her teeth, before releasing it in a long drawn out groan sounding like 'HHHHHHhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa'.

"Are you sure you're ready and willing to hear such things?'' He gave her a narrowed look as if to say 'this is your last chance to back out'. "You won't like what you hear, Red. Might be better if you didn't know."

"I'm positive.," she answered back without any hesitation. She HAD to know what happened. This was connected to her and she was involved whether she liked it or not.

He still eyed her for a moment before looking to the floor unable to look her in the eyes anymore. ".......Vanessa killed him. Just like she did to everyone else....a-a-and y-y-you...."

Poppy couldn't stop her free hand from coming to cover her mouth as he looked down in...shame? Guilt? Regret? Fear?! Not that she noticed, more focused on his words. Well she shouldn't be so surprised as she was expecting an answer like this, but still didn't stop the shock that took over her body. It was like she was light and the floor was sinking. "....H-How...?"

"Just like you. She locked him away until everything froze over. Vane-.....That MONSTER!'', he spat hand slightly tightening as he scowled at the floor, "She was pecking crazy. Thought he was....cheating on her behind her back when he was nothing but patient with her. She didn't deserve anything."

"I-I....I don't understand.." Her breathing hyped a pitch and she could feel her blue eyes glancing back to the bracelet on her wrist. The gold gleaming back. The tremble of her lip came with her own pathetic question. "....why..?"

"Because she was nuts! Always have been and always WILL be! She would've snapped sooner or later with the way she was back then, always so paranoid and thinking I-.....I THINK he belonged to her."

".....She was there..."

He finally looked at her. "What?"

.....Another sniff came outta her. "She was t-t-there when I gave him the flowers. The day she gave me the bracelet." It all came rushing back in a sea of emotions and all she felt was cold gripping her heart as it all came rushing back. The day she was frozen. Before she closed up the stand and gave him the flowers, he said he saw her...Vanessa. Running away from them. Vanessa saw her giving him the flowers he bought. If....If she thought that Prince Philip was cheating on her and saw Poppy giving him flowers then-.....Oh gosh! Her hand pressed firmer against her mouth as the sudden reality hit her hard like a punch to the gut. She felt sick. Like a heavy iceberg was placed in her stomach and wanted out. Her blue eyes shown with rain drop tears flowing as she spaced out. ".....It's all my fault."

........?!

His other hand was quick to shoot out and grab her shoulders accidentally making her jolt at the sudden grab but it was enough to get her to look at him. "Now you listen to me and you listen good." A claw poked her chest as he pointed it at her crying face with a deep frown of his own. "I have dealt with too many years of pecking guilt over whether or not it was my fault or if I could've stopped it! And I'm sick of it all! You. Are. Not. At fault!! Do you hear me?! Vanessa was always going to snap and it was HER fault for being so batpecking crazy, she couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality! There was no reason in her! We should've expected nothing less of her for anything! But I'll be just as bad if I didn't it now, and I'm saying it's not your fault. Least of all people you. All you did was sell flowers. Big deal. It would've been the same if she saw m-....him buying a necklace from a jeweler or a ham from the butcher. BANG!!" She flinched at the loud yell he made at 'BANG'. Tears running down her face as he spoke. "Ice. Death. Lots of ghosts. You get the picture. The point is, it's ABSOLUTELY! NOBODY'S PECKING FAULT!! BUT VANESSA'S!! .......You and me didn't do anything wrong." .......She made some kind of whine noise before crying. Leaning her head over until it met the softness of his floof and she cried. Cut off guard for a moment, Snatcher paused glancing down at her before sighing and wrapping her arms around her. Comfortingly patting her back. "Hey, Red. It's gonna be ok. Just go ahead and let it out alright?"

He wasn't sure whether or not Poppy actually heard what he said, but the iron grip that suddenly latched onto him was enough for him to let her cry her eyes out into him without another word. Because...He was gone. Her only friend was just....GONE! Gone in the most worst way she could think of. What did he do to deserve that?! What did any of them do to deserve that?! He had his whole life ahead of him and it was taken from him in one day because of insanity, jealous, greedy woman disguised as a loving Queen. Had...Had she always been like this? According to Snatcher she was. And slowly things started to make sense to it all. Ridiculously banning bacon from the entire kingdom. That one time Philip showed up with half his hair chopped off and died a poor yellow. All the time he acted nervously about anything he had concerning her and waving them off like he was alright with every single thing he did. Deep down she KNEW something was wrong, if not wrong then strangely off. Definately gave her an off feeling, but she never pushed because 1. she never saw it as any of her business and 2. she didn't see the danger behind it until now. But..what if she had seen it? What if- Snatcher's hand came to lay on her head gently and she looked up from the fluffy chest of the ghost to look at him, Snatcher staring simpathetically at her tears before another hankerchief randomly appeared out of thin air and rubbed at her cheeks and eyes.

...She sniffed and leaned into the cloth wiping her face. "T-Thanks. I-.....I needed this more t-than ya know."

"Yeah. I bet." There was another pause as she slowly let go of him and reached up sniffing and grabbed the second cloth offered to her during the duration of the time she woke. He couldn't help but feel awkward and kinda guilty in this situation. This was kinda what he feared but the opposite. Instead of Poppy blaming him, she felt like it was hurt fault somehow when in reality it was none of their faults. ....Maybe it was better he shouldn't have come tonight. He made a move to leave but froze when her hand suddenly latched onto him again.

Her eyes desperate and pleading all of a sudden. "W-WAIT!! P-P-Please..D-Don't leave yet...I d-don't want to be alone."

He stared at her but sighed. "Alright. I'll stay put but only because I promised to help you, Red."

She sighed hald relieved. "T-Thank you."

He hummed and watched as she let go to sniff and fix her face. ".....How are you holding up there? Looks like I should've kept all of that til later."

Poppy shook her head. "N-No. I'm glad you t-told me. I-I needed to know what happened. I couldn't have gone on without knowin' anything. ...T-Thank you."

Sure you could've rang through his head but he decided not to say that part out loud. "So-...I take it this..'prince' friend of yours was a nice person? Not that I knew him, but it seems you two were close. Not that it's any of my business." He had an anxious feeling saying all of this as a stranger but he couldn't help but feel the need to get all this anxiety off himself by asking. "It just sounds like you cared about him a whole lot."

"Y-Yeah. I did actually." She gave a slightly trembling smile at him. "H-He was one of the only friend's I had. Honestly he was a really nice guy, super honest and polite too. He was always able to put a smile of everyone's face and didn't mind talking about anythin' really. It was like he wasn't a prince at all and just a normal, everyday regular person stoppin' by to get flowers. ...He was also the reason my stand had so much success as it did."

Snatcher looked to her in slight surprise. "He was?"

She nodded. "You see. When I first got to town I had a real hard time settlin' in. Not only did he save mah behind from falling on the ground like a babe learnin' how to walk, but he also started buying my precious flowers for ...You know who. Now a prince buyin' mah flowers all the time was sure to catch someone's attention and by golly did it! It was thanks ta him I had a decent business going for myself. ....But I kinda feel guilty over it now. I didn't mean ta piggyback ride off o' him or nothin'."

"I'm sure you didn't." She looked at him and for once Snatcher was genuinely smiling at her without the 'evil' or smug aura to it. "If you sold flowers good enough to catch his attention then you deserved to get what attention you got. You didn't hitch a ride from him, you were just getting what you always wanted with a little assistance."

"Hm...I reckon when you put it that way I guess you got a point."

"Yeah.....Hey. This might sound out of no where but do you blame him, your friend, for what happened between him and Vanessa?" There is was all out and awaiting an answer.

Poppy stared at him frozen for a second processing what he said but as soon as it sank in- "WHAT?! PECK NO!!" She scowled at him crossing her arms. "Why the PECK of all people would I blame Philip?! Maybe he didn't see the crazy but neither did I and I still didn't see it when she was starin' me straight in the face! You were there when it happened right?!"

"I- Uh-...Y-Yes."

"And even you said it wasn't his fault right?!"

"OF COURSE I DID!! I WAS JUST ASKING YOUR OPINION!!"

"WELL MAH PECKIN' OPINION IS THAT HE WAS INNOCENT!!"

"GOOD! IM GLAD!!"

"FINE!!"

"FINE!!"

Both pouted a bit with frowns but on the inside Snatcher felt an overwhelming state of relief and happiness fall over him. So Poppy didn't blame him, good. Not that it was ever his fault in the first place, but now a lot of dead weight was lifted from his shoulders. One less thing to worry over now it seemed. But Poppy paused in her movements to blank out and stare at him. Wait. Snatcher was there when Philip was-.....Then did that mean he saw what happened? Well obviously yes. He said so himself. Her curious side kicked in and she couldn't help but find her interests peeking through and a whole knew slew of questions arise, she couldn't help it. After all she knew nothing about this ghost tho he seemed good enough.

"How did you die?," she found herself blurting out before she could stop but she instantly regretted it.

"WHAT?!" Snatcher whipped his face to her wide eyed.

"S-Sorry." She held up her hands worriedly. "Is it rude to ask a dead person that? I d-didn't know honest. It's just that.....You're doin' an aweful lot for me and I don't know a lot about ya, since you already know alot 'bout me from my rambling. I figured ya would return the favor."

"Sorry. NO can do, Red. That's private information."

She scowled again. "OH come on! Purple onion. Your contract paper thingy said I could ask for anything I wanted in return for helping ya!"

"Within REASON!," Snatcher stressed, "Asking a ghost about their past is like asking a poor person how much money they spent on their shoes!"

"UUUUHHH!!! I swear sometimes you can be more childish than those girls!"

"So can you!"

"UGH!! Alright! Why don't we compramise?," she offered and that got Snatcher's attention. "I don't think it's fair you're still essentially a stranger to me. So how about you answer just a few questions 'bout ghosts an stuff, but you don't have to answer any ya don't like. Deal?"

".....Hmm....Deal." he crossed his arms and looked at her with a raised brow, "What do you want to know, Red?''

"Well my first question asked would be nice. You don't have to go into detail," She added seeing Snatcher's eyes narrow.

"Mmm." He REALLY didn't want to say anything. It was still too early for this even if he was more at ease now but since he didn't really have to go into detail- "Same as you. I died during the Great Subcon Freeze."

"Oh. Well you said you saw what happened when Philip....p-p-passed away, right? Does that mean you were employed by the Queen?"

OH PECK- HOW WAS HE GONNA ANSWER THAT!? He chose to shrug and as calmly as he could said. "Sorta. I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time." Which wasn't really a lie. He couldn't have ever been in a more wrong place or time. "Another innocent bystander to a crazy curse."

"Oh. Well how are you a ghost?"

Another shrug. "Beats me. A lot of other people are ghosts, you've seen them. Most of them can't even remember who they were in life. Don't know how or why so don't ask. Just the way it is."

"Does that mean you remember who you were?"

"Obviously I do. Otherwise I couldn't tell you anything."

"Oh right. Dumb question. Then who wer-"

"Next question!," he answered fast which caught her off guard but she shrugged it off. Obviously he wasn't comfortable with that.

"Alright. Don't get your long tail in a knot." Looking over him she wonder how a soul such as thing could be so big...Souls? "That's another thing. Why did you want mah soul when I first met ya?" This time he actually paused. This question was one he hadn't been expecting and one he hadn't really thought of a cover for. "How WAS he supposed to explain that ghastly part of his afterlife to her without sounding like a heartless monster- "Do you really eat them?"......Wot? She made a grimace like she had bitten into a lemon. "That sounds so terrible and gross! Do all ghosts eat other ghosts?"

..........He blinked. Did she really think that he ate- "WHAT?! No! I don't really eat them! I can't eat anything! Im pecking dead for crying out loud! I just use that to intimidate intruding fools! I take souls as servants for tresspassing into people's burial grounds! At first you were no different, just another person intruding into my domain without permission-"

"Then why did you all of a sudden decide to help me?" She asked crossing her arms. "You could've just taken me as a servant then and there." ...Snatcher rose a brow. "Ok! Well ya technically did, but I mean what made ya decide to help me? I just don't get it."

Snatcher went oddly silent at her question. She didn't get it. Of course she didn't get it and she never would if he could help it. So he decided to play it safe for now and give her an honest answer. "Because I recognized you from the village." It's true, he did. But his answer took her by surprise as he carefully cherry picked his next words carefully with a sigh. "I-...Sometimes saw you selling flowers in the square, and-.....I guess I was simpathetic to someone else in a similar situation as I was." Which weren't lies either and safe enough to say without having his identity compramised.

He saw her in the village? Did that mean he was one of the villagers? Maybe someone who worked in the summer house and lived in the village. She met a couple of people who would brag about being employed at the Queen's summer home when she wasn't in her palace. If so, then it would all make sense about why he knew her and how he was able to see the prince's demise. Actually that would explain everything and how he knew her if she sold him flowers before. A little assurance and calm was delivered to her with that revolation and she smiled at him like she solved the entire puzzle and it was complete. And to her it was complete. Except for one tiny little thing.

"So....does that mean Philip is a g-ghost too?"

He figured she'd ask that by the way things were going. So he sounded like he took a giant breath even if he didn't have lungs and sighed. How was he suppose to answer? By telling the truth of course! Just not in the way one may think. "A ghost? Well that's not exactly easy to answer." Which was true it was hard for him to answer that when the answer was obviously yes and staring at her right here. In front of her, but also because he was. NOT. PECKING. READY. To tell her. "Any ghost I know if they even became ghosts would be in the forest .....or another plain of existance." Which again wasn't a lie. All the ghost he DID know lived in his territory except for Moonjumper who was bound to the horizon.....Huh. Speaking of which he hadn't seen him in a while now. Oh well. Less problem for him to worry about. "A-And like I said BARELY any of my minions remember who they were before they died." Which also wasn't a lie. So technically he NEVER lied to her and didn't compramise his identity. PERFECT!!

"Oh. I..see."

Poppy looked down to her hands laid in her lap and the gold shining from her wrist. So it would be almost impossible for her to see him again then huh? Considering if Prince Philip became a ghost at all there was still the part where even if she did find him neither would be able to tell according to Snatcher. And even if by SOME miracle he WAS a ghost and he COULD remember her, then he might even be on a different plain of being which was highly unlikely she'd be able to get to. So it'd be useless to persue that idea even if all of those factors were even possible. ....She looked back up when metal rattled against the floor and Snatcher stared at the very end of his tail. She guessed Snatcher could see perfectly in the dark compared to a human because he bluntly pointed at something she couldn't see on the floor and asked.

"Are those garden tools in a golf club bag?"

Garden to- OH!! She completely forgot about those she was so tired! Poppy rubbed her neck sheepishly. "Uh.....Y-Yeah. W-We went out earlier today an' I guess I forgot ta put them away before I fell asleep. Sorry bout that."

Snatcher turned to her with light surprise. "Wait a minute. You LEFT the ship and went somewhere by yourself without telling ME?!"

She frowned. "Hey! I was gettin' antsy just seeing nothin' but space all day! And if ya haven't noticed it's kinda cramped up here. I need space to walk around freely so I don't have to crawl, and last time I checked I was an adult who didn't need no supervision. 'Sides! I wasn't alone. Cookie 'n those girls of yours were with me the whole time."

Snatcher brought a hand up to rub his temples groaning. "And the LAST time you went somewhere 'not alone' with those two I had to save your sorry butt. I swear you'll only get in trouble if you run around in places you shouldn't."

.....She nervously laughed and looked away. "W-W-Well..about that..Uh-''

"What did you do?," he asked without room for arguement. Removing his hand to bare his eyes into her nervous smile.

"Nothing. Just some shoppin' with the girls. Got some new dresses......And maybe I destroyed some fancy whatcha-mah-call-it machine and in order to play for it I agreed to be in a Moon Penguin's play."

"..............YOU BROKE WHAT AND REPAYING IT HOW?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't have enough pons, and Mr. Grooves was so nice. He even said I didn't have to pay a single pon if I worked for free! I panicked! I didn't want debt on mah name!!"

"OH! FOR THE LOVE OF- HOW DID YOU EVEN BREAK IT?!," he asked annoyed.

"I ......leaned my tools against it? hehe."

A loud smack filled the room making her jump and it took her a moment to realize Snatcher had facepalmed himself HARD groaning. "I leave for ONE WHOLE DAY and you end up being in trouble. Is there anything ELSE I should know about?"

"I yelled at a crazy yellow owl."

"What?," he looked up from his hand at her and she nodded.

"Yeah. At least I think it was an owl. He did have feathers. Biggest loud mouth I'd ever met! HUH!" She frowned recrossing her arms. "He said I had to work for 'em just because I accidentally knocked over the thingy. I told him where he could stick it if he ever wanted my help! HMPH!!"

There was a pause of silence as Poppy frowned at nothing in particular and Snatcher continued to stare at her with a blank expression-.......SNRK!! She glanced up from what sounded like a covered snort and too her surprise the spook was....Smiling?? No. Not just smiling. He was trembling lightly as he smiled down at her biting into his bottom lip...Before the flood gates opened and he full on laughed. His loud raspy voice echoing throughout the dark room leaving Poppy bamboozled. Why was he laughing? She didn't think she said anything funny. Was he laughing because she was in trouble again?

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!" A clawed hand grabbed her shoulder as he leaned over with the other hand holding his middle as he continued to laugh like no tomorrow. "W-WAIT! *wheeze* *COUGH COUGH COUGH*" She blinked surprised to hear a ghost somehow have the need to wheeze or cough to regain breath without lungs or a body...But she'd seen a lot of weird things now so who was she to be surprised? He still went back to laughing one eye open to look at her his voice happy sounding and trembling. "Y-Y-You mean a-...Ahahahaha!! D-Did he call every one a p-p-p-peckneck?! Haha!!"

....She blinked and frowned again. "Yes! A very RUDE man! Threw a tantrum like a little kid and I told him to find me once he learnt some respect and acted like an' adult!"

"PPPPFFFFFTTTT!!" He fell back into another laughing fit much to her confusion. " AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU SHOULD'VE D-D-DEFINATELY TOLD ME YOU WERE LEAVING! *wheeze* I-...I- OH P-P-P-PECK!! I WOULD'VE PAID TO SEE THAT OLD BIRDBRAIN'S FACE W-W-WHEN YOU TOLD THE FOOL OFF!!"

Now she smiled. "I take it you know him?" She had to wait for his laughing fit to die down and him to 'catch his breath' before he could look at her with a straight face and answer clearly. He nodded yes to answer her question at least.

"A few times. More of a peckneck than me!" He wiped at his face. "I wish I was there to see THAT! Worth more than gold!"

"Oh. What are you doing here anyways? It's the middle of the night."

He seemed to remember something as he sat up and reached behind him. "Right. I finished fixing your dress. Guess I lost track of time and didn't know you were resting. My apologies for that." He pulled out a blue dress from no where and besides the stains(which she couldn't see in the dark anyways) it looked brand new as he handed it over without a second thought. "Here. But don't expect me to become your personal tailor, Red. This was just a one time deal for you."

Poppy stared stunned at the dress as she took it and ran a hand over the mended parts. "It feels like it was never ripped!" She smiled wider at him. "Thank ya! I guess you do know what you're doin' after all."

His smile couldn't have been more smug as he examined his claws. "Well I never lie about my skills."

She smiled again before looking over the dress the best she could in the dark. "It was mighty kind of you. I kinda feel bad 'bout you going through the trouble of it now since I got me some more. That lil sweetheart of yours did too."

"Oh?"

She smiled chuckling. "Poor thing got all drenched but I think that was my fault too. A couple of them silly ol' birds mistook me as her mo-....." Poppy suddenly paused...staring at her dress for a moment but the sudden cut of conversation didn't get past the spook who stopped smiling and stared at her more.

"Is something bothering you?"

"Well now that I think about it...How did those two come to be under your wing anyhow?" She looked at him with a raised brow. "An alien being raised by a ghost? It's the most strangest thing I've heard about. Where's their mothers? Where's their family?"

....Snatcher gave a frown not directed at her and stated, "I am their family. We have each other and that's all we need."

"Well, yes. I know family goes beyond blood...Or in your case flesh and blood I suppose. But I don't just get how they came in your care if you don't let anyone in that forest." Snatcher remained silent staring at the floor and for a moment Poppy thought she stepped over a line. DUMMY!! Who was she to ask someone who adopted two lil girls!? It was none of her business! "I-I'm sorry. That was rude of me ta ask. It won't happen a-"

"They're orphans."

She blinked and stared at him. "Uh.....What?"

"I said they're orphans. They have no one else." Yellow eyes looked to her again. "You want to know where they came from?" .....When she didn't answer he continued. "I don't know anything about Bow's past and neither does she. As far as I know she was raised in a crummy orphanage her whole life before she decided to run away and get tangled up in the mess Hattie made when she first arrived."

"Oh. Im so sorry...How did you come to adopt an alien if ya still don't mind me askin'?"

He huffed a chuckle and smiled bittersweet. "That little lady caused problems the moment she arrived on the planet with her time pieces. I won't go into detail, but let's just saw she almost caused the world to be destroyed and saved it too. She's a special something that I've never seen."

"If she arrived on this planet, doesn't that mean she has family back on her own planet?"

"You would think that at first." He shook his head grimly scowled. "But no. It's what I thought at first too when she originally left, but then she came back and refused to leave even after she got every single one of those cursed time pieces. Turns out she never had anything there to begin with."

Poppy's eyes widened. "W-W-What happened?"

"Long story short war."

"A war? Over what?"

"Over those...things. They're too dangerous for even her to use beyond a few simple things. Her family ..or what was left of it. Made those things to control people. As you would expect a lot of people with greedy intentions would want to get their hands on something like that, so in order to protect herself...She left."....He looked up out the attic windows for a moment with...pity on his face staring at the black void of stars. "I don't know how long she was out there and I don't know why she wanted to go back to where she came from or what happened to make her flee again. Never asked. But I also never questioned it when she came back and decided not to leave again. She's a smart kid. Here there's people who care about her and want her to be safe...Forever." He mumbled that last part to himself but she didn't hear. "I-......I couldn't just leave them vulnerable sitting there like dead ducks. They needed me...and..I-I-I guess in a w-way I r-really needed someone like them too."

He jumped when he felt someone grab his hand snapped back down to stare at sorrowful blue eyes gazing up at him. Poppy was gently squeezing his hand. ".....I-....I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. And them. I really am. You seem like a really nice person even if you can come across as a stubborn purple onion. For what you did...There's really no other noble thing than a good father is there?"

He still stared at her.....then to where she was holding his hand, and a bright yellow hue flushed his cheeks as he coughed and looked away. "I-....Suppose you're right. Anyways, all this talking is distracting me from my work! You have your dress and feel better obviously-"

"Could you please stay? At least until I fall back asleep...I-...I'd appreciate it a lot if ya did."

He stared at her a moment before waving a hand still blushing yellow. "Fine. But don't expect me to do this again. Because guess what? Im not legally obligated too."

She smiled. "Sure, Snatcher."

She giggled and got up to presumably get back in her floor bed and he watched her go. .....She thought she was a good father huh? And she was mistaken as Bow's mother? His hand slowly closed itself as he watched her. Well. Every child deserves a mother didn't they? And who better deserved a mother than his little devils? She just needed some time to realize it.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[prettywordsyouleft]

Reconciliation - Part 5 (Final)

Pairing: Im Jaebum x reader

Genre: ex-lovers au / angst / romance / business au

Warnings: unprotected sex, mature content.

Reconciliation will be shared daily at 10am NZST.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

This was how you had originally imagined this trip. Waking up in Jaebum’s arms the following morning was sweeter than you could remember. And after spending a little too long in the shower cleaning up from last night, you both happily went into the breakfast buffet where you laughed and shared food. The light atmosphere continued throughout the day, as did the kisses, the hand-holding, and much later, the endless rides to Nirvana.

It was what you had hoped for all along. And with your trip closing tomorrow, you were satisfied that when you had first thought to come here, the things on your list had been checked off with today’s efforts.

However, those desires came from a time where you were happy to just follow Jaebum around. Since finding your independence, you had moments throughout the day and night where you were bothered, and a cold sense of dread would wash over you.

The dream had to end here, with the sand and sun.

You woke before Jaebum did the next morning and spent the time taking in every detail of the man you loved. Even with him showering you in all the affection that you had ever wished for, and knowing how deeply his own feelings ran for you, this time, it would be you who broke his heart first.

You wanted to memorise every inch of him, right down to his freckles and imperfections in case you never saw them up close like this again.

Eventually, the man holding you stirred out of his slumber, Jaebum blearily squinting at you and letting out a breath of relief. It pained you to think that he was counting his blessings to truly find you here at his side and no longer a dream as he had told you about.

“Why are you awake first?” he huskily asked, moving to catch your shoulders with his lips. He kissed your bare skin a couple of times before resting back onto his pillow. “I wanted to watch you instead.”

“Should’ve woken up earlier then,” you teased, taking his hand in yours and linking it together.

You felt the words you need to say at the back of your throat and you smiled, hoping that would ease your nerves.

Jaebum watched you and after frowning, he sat up a little. “You’re going to finally say it, aren’t you?”

“You knew?”

He nodded. “I kind of guessed. I mean, we fell back into one another as if the three months never passed us by. And I know that I’ve said some things that might lend you hope that it could improve between us.”

“It’s not even that I don’t want this, because I do. I want to be with you, wholeheartedly. You said that I was it for you. Well, I’m pretty sure it’s the same for me.”

“Then what is it?” he wondered, and you shifted so you could sit up as well. Once settled at his side, you began to play with his fingers, trying to find the right words. “You need time?”

“I need to find who I am. Things are scary but really good right now for me. I’m starting my new business and I’m looking forward to running it. And it’s not a being busy reason either, even though I know I’m going to be super busy.”

Jaebum nodded listlessly, and you could tell he was genuinely listening to you, though he face was devoid of emotion. He was simply closing himself off to help with the pain.

You pressed on. “I don’t want to fall back into you. I don’t want either of us to rely on the other the way we used to. I thought I only needed your validation and you felt you only needed me to comfort you. We’re both more than that.”

“So this is it for us? For good?” he breathed, and you blinked when you noticed how watery his eyes had become. “We leave the confessions, the feelings here in these sheets?”

“We’re ending it better this time around, don’t you think?” you bartered and Jaebum rubbed at his face. “I need to focus on myself. If I can’t even do that, then there’s no point in me trying to rediscover us.”

“I get it,” he answered, taking you in his arms right when you began to cry. “I don’t want to but I do. Just remember to find me when the time is right.”

“Maybe we’ll find each other when we least expect it, just like we did here.”

Time seemed to fly by once you were back to reality. You left the ground running and after a solid year of hard work, you could slowly reap the rewards. You were acknowledged as a bright, new CEO and your company was definitely catching heads from all around. By your second year of business, you could loosen off the steam you were moving with. Your products were making consistent sales and you had taken on your first overseas client.

Everything seemed to be working like a well-oiled machine.

Not only had you discovered your own style as a CEO, you excelled at it. You liked being able to support your team and motivate them to strive for bigger goals.

Much as you were doing with your personal life. You had taken up online courses alongside your job and although you were exhausted from time to time, you had developed a love for photography and passion for interior design. You already had future aspirations to branch out into design in the following year.

Right now though, you wanted to enjoy life at a slower speed and not watch it pass on by in the blink of an eye.

And there was no one else you would rather do that with than Jaebum.

It hadn’t been complete radio silence between you both. You had each compromised to emails, sending each other messages at least twice a month. You had learned through them that he had fostered some cats and was passionate about raising them, and his latest investor had backed him over the company you had once lost out to. He’d also started cooking lessons, opting to make it home in the evening to eat there instead of ordering to his office each night.

Neither of you talked of what more you wanted from each other and about relationships. You had on several occasions almost emailed him asking him if he was seeing anyone but each time you chided yourself for seeking out information that could lead to complicating things. And you really didn’t want to do that if you weren’t ready to commit.

Standing near the gate for your impending flight, you focused on snapping the sunset out the large windows that was casting brilliant light over the aeroplanes nearby, the land behind it looking magical just like the sky did. You were ready to feel the freedom that came with travelling and taste the delicious foods that your destination had in store for you. As you watched the sky change its colours right before you, it was hard to not get lost in the thought of your self-development. Standing here right now, you couldn’t be prouder of who you had become if you tried.

Still, the nagging voice that wanted to share your accomplishments with someone else pulled you back to reality and you gasped when you realised boarding had commenced. As you walked onto the plane, you tried not to get too excited about the impending trip and looked out for your seat number. You grinned when you found it and after pulling your bag strap over your head and putting your bag under your seat, you sat down, fussing with your seatbelt for a moment. The person travelling next to you was already seated and you sighed when you realised your belt was linked with theirs.

Tapping him on the shoulder, you waited until he turned to look at you, ignoring the way he stared at you. “Uh, my belt is trapped in yours somehow.”

“Y/N,” Jaebum breathed, sitting up properly as his eyes continued to remain wide. He didn’t react as you reached to undo the belt across him so you could get yours free, still staring at you until you waved a hand in front of his face.

“You okay?”

“I just… I’m not dreaming, right? The plane hasn’t taken off and crashed somewhere and this is the afterlife?” he blurted out and you gave him a look, aghast by his assumption.

“No, we’re very much so alive and we better stay that way!”

“Then, it’s happened again. Just like you said when we parted last time!” he continued, shaking his head with disbelief.

You tried not to laugh. “Oh yeah?”

“Well, I was invited to go on this trip, were you too?”

“I guess you could say that,” you mused, amazed that he hadn’t clicked onto it yet.

“Wait,” he finally said, pointing at you. “How come you’re not amazed to see me?”

“Maybe because I was not about to wait until fate would have us cross paths again and booked this trip for us,” you announced and Jaebum slowly grinned.

“Really? You want to spend time with me?”

“Should I go spend it with someone else?” you offered and Jaebum disagreed almost immediately, taking your hand in his. You shifted closer, smiling at him as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand affectionately.

“You know, when this trip is over, I’m not going to agree about parting ways again,” he told you and you grinned, leaning in so you could kiss his lips.

“Fate might have been late in bringing us back together but I’m not going to let anything – or one – pull us apart again.”

_________________

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[GOT7 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hi there! Just found your blog and I like it so far. Btw being Present Mics favorite student headcanons were amazing, as a bnha nerd may I request a part 2 where Mic meets readers parents and other stuff? Sorry if my English is bad.

A/N:Thank you so much for liking my blog and choosing to request, that means a whole lot! I got you with the Present Mic headcanons, please let me know if you want any more Present Mic stuff i’m here. I’m sorry this request took so long to come out, i was busy with a few thing please love me

-So i would feel this year would be a lot of fun, just like last year but the only difference being you are working harder towards your hero license and school is becoming much more difficult. This means that you have to up your game with your quirk skills and tactics while staying on top of your studies. You are stressed to say the least.

-Like i said previously present Mic knows when you are having a hard time, believe it or not he is quite attentive and super smart so he quickly asses the situation and realizes a few things. He sees you’re struggling with your quirk and school so he takes matters into his own hands.

-He offers to train you and offers extra help with school to you, he only wants to see you succeed even if that means sacrificing his free time.

-”oh- no no Mr.Hizashi that’s so sweet but i know you’re really busy-”

-”SHHHSHHSHSSJSJ Y/N I SHALL GET YOU THAT HERO LICENSE AND HELP YOU PICK UP YOUR GRADES EVEN IF THAT MEANS RISKING A FEW HOURS OF REST, I CANNOT LOSE TO YAGI AND DEKU- i-i- Mean icareaboutyourhealthandgradesandireallywannahelp”

-tHaT soCCer dAD rIvaLrY iS stiLl haPPeNinG 

-Everyday after school you guys meet up at the park or one of the training centers to train for a few hours

-”Now Y/N, breath in and when you breath out use that force to push your quirk-”

-Honestly you thought the training wouldn’t be as hard as it was (it’s Present Mic after all) but boi were you wrong

-”Get up off the ground Y/N, you’ve only been running for .3 seconds”

-”.3 SeCoNdS????? I DID THREE MILES NONSTOP YaMaDA!”

-” hUstLe y/NnNNnN”

-Aizawa comes to your trainings and observes bEcAusE hEs nOSeYy

-He actually helps out and help with things present might not have thought of or isn’t the best at

-This year your relationship with Present actually takes a deeper turn, you find yourself around him more often both in school and after school. You both learn more about each other's quirks and personalities a lot more.

-You thought you already knew a lot about him, given he was like an open book it seemed. But Hizashi is a much deeper and emotional person than you honestly thought and he truly had such a more serious, kindred spirited side to him

-Like sometimes when you guys are taking a break from training he will open up about his life at UA and how it was for him. He told you how he felt kind of odd and awkward and how that’s probably why he can relate to you so so much uwu

-”You know Y/N as much I am super bubbly and “overly confidant” , i still feel super out of place sometimes. I guess i always have it isn’t a new feeling, although I have Aizawa and the other teachers, sometimes I still feel...not understood? If that makes any sense?? But like I totally understand how you feel, and you are not alone...seriously. Thank you for being open to me and allowing me to teach and train you. Kind of makes me feel wanted and useful..haha-”

-iM sOft 

-He always thought of you as a little “sidekick” however recently he kind of looks at you as his own daughter and he’s really protective and fatherly over you. He’s more on top of you and making sure all your ducks are in a row. He’s not controlling or anything like that tho so don’t worry

-”Did you eat yet, Y/N?”

-”are you okay Y/N? You look exhausted.”

-”make sure you finish that report for class, okay? If you need any help let me know.”

-pRotEccS yOu fRom bOys

-If he sees a teacher kind of poking at you and making you feel uncomfortable or feel bad for being a “teacher's pet” he will immediately have them stop. He feels bad you have to get crap from him being a bit biased towards you

-You guys have a secret handshake

-HE’S STILL THE BIGGEST cRacK hEAd I swEar

-*crushes you in a hug* “MISS. AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAAATtattatSSSSSs UpPPPPPPPPPPPp”

-”YO Yo yO AMERiCaAAaAAAA HOw Is IT CrACkINGGGG”

-”YNNNNNNNNN AMErIcAAAA YoUU foRgoT yoUr lUnCH Box iN mY cLaSS *whispers* i put a donut in there for you”

-USES YOU FOR ENGLISH CONVERSATION EXAMPLES IN CLASS ALL THE TIME 

-HE EMBArASSES YOU SO MUCH ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY THIS DUDE NEEDS TO SIT TF DOWN AND LET YOU LIVE POOR GIRL

-It’s okay because he lets you skip class to pass out in the library after being exhausted from everything

-You take his weird sunglasses and strut around with them all the time

-”BlUghH I’m a rich fashion model. WAIT OMG HIZASHI ARE THESE CHILDREN SIZED GLASsES?!?!”

-EmaiLS yOU

-” ohiyo americAa,

It’s me MiC and iM waTchING tHat drAmaA you recommended to me and Im cRyING. Also i heard from the sleepy teacher that there may or may not be a pop quiz in his class on last weeks topic...Anyways I’ll see you tomorrow...unless...Nah just joking okay mic is out!

                                    -Hiz

                              sEnt fRom ToaSter oVeN”

-You get about ten of these things a week from him. help this poor man ;-;

-Made a few youtube videos with him

-He helped you pick out your hero name and outfit, you are so ready to be a hero i swear

-Once you do get your hero license..he is such big boi proud like he’s in tears, snot running out his nose, eyes all puffy and his voice is cracking. He even got you a little teddy bear with a little candy bag attached to it.

-”LOOK LOOOK MR.HIZASHIIIII LOOOK I GOT IT I FINALLY GOT IT THANK YOU SO SO MUCH HIZASHIII I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH THANK YOU”

-”See kiddo, i knew you could do it!”

-” Pfft all thanks to you!! Oh and Hey, Mr.Hizashi? My parent(s) are coming up this weekend to celebrate me getting my license. I was wondering if you would like to come to dinner? They’d like to personally thank you for helping me.”

-THIS MAN IS THE UTMOST HONORED LIKE LET ME TELL YOU HE SAYS YES IN A HEARTBEAT AND IS AT THE RESTAURANT ON LITERAL TIME

 -He somes in a very nice suit with his hair tied into a perfectly neat bun. And is thAT GLasses he’s wearing??????  (so cute omg)

-Him meeting your parent(s) was a pretty chill experience 

-”Mr.Hizashi, right? SO NIce to finally meet you and thank you for everything you have done for Y/N.”

-”Ah, it was my pleasure. And please, call me Yamada.”

-At first it was kind of awkward but once the conversation got going, you guys were there for hours

-and i mean HoURs

-”um excuse mE, wHen aRe yoU gUyS lIkE idk LEAVING???”

-Haha but no, the literal talk was just them hyping you up and how the waiter dramatically fell coming over to the table

-”yeS Y/N is such a great kid i can’t believe you raised such a strong and patient daughter”

-”Did he just trip and act like he didn’t just dropped our food on the ground??”

-”One time Y/N tripped and dropped her easy bake cookies and she didn’t even cry, that’s when we knew she was going to be a pro hero.”

-”did he step on the fries and up it on the plate and try to serve it to us???”

-Also your parent(s) grew up around the same time as Present so they had a lot to talk about and it was interesting learning about each other different childhoods and cultures.

-Your parent(s) seriously enjoyed Hizashi and they would love to talk to him again. Vise versa, it was a great time for Hizashi as well and prepare to hear about it the next time you see him.

-”Thank you Y/N for inviting me and allowing me to meet your parent(s) it was very nice getting to know them. Next time they come up, I must treat them out instead.”

BonUs

-Let’s just make up a different scenario where maybe your parents were kind of rude and not as nice and welcoming, both to you Yamada

-When you heard your parents were coming up to visit you in Japan, you were at first excited. You were still in this frenzy of like “wow i got my hero license” so you weren't thinking about it too much plus you were excited about being treated out to dinner and having your favorite teacher tag along. 

-Everything was great...that was until you started to think about it more and started to question was that such a great idea?? Let’s just say your parents aren’t the nicest people (person). For some reason it seems like they were never proud of you, no matter how well or bad you literally did. 

-Won a championship game? Eh good, but could be better

-4.00 GPA? That’s okay but thousand of kids get that, you have to do better.

-You want to be a pro hero?? Ha in your dreams, that kid next door has a better chance of becoming one than you do.

-You started to realise they were one of the biggest reasons you wanted to exchange to Japan so much. It was far away from them and super peaceful. You wanted to tell Present to not come, but he seemed so excited, and you wanted to tell him how dreaded your parents were. But you didn’t want him to worry and get others involved. So you just hoped and prayed that they would be nice? And everything was okay?

-Everything was okay...for the first five minutes. 

-Well everyone greeted each other and sat down to eat, then the condescending comments started to pour in.

-”Yeah, well I think Y/N will make a perfect Hero in the near future. She’s gotten a lot stronger with her quirk and-”

-”Pfft, let’s not get ahead of ourselves now, Although Y/N has gotten her License that doesn’t mean she’s hero material. We watched the sports festival and compared to the other students, she’s severely overshinned. I just don’t think a year or so of training can fix that. She has to do better.”

-For a second hizashi just sat there with his face utter disbelief. How could someone just say that about their child...in front of their child...so camly?

-He looked over towards your uncomfortable figure, your face was colored with complete dismay, He felt so sad and slightly angry. You didn’t look in a position to defend yourself so he started to speak up for you

-”I really hope the both of you are seriously joking.” he snapped back with a sassy firm tone in his voice which made you look towards the three adults

-”No we are not, Y/N is pretty average and for you to put in her head that she could possibly become a Pro? Haha I understand teachers are supposed to be supportive but like come on now, just be honest with yourself.”

-Hizashi slammed his hands against the table, gaining the attention of everyone in the restaurant, including yourself who was previously looking down to avoid confrontation.

-”How DARE you. Y/N is PERFECTLY  CAPABLE of becoming a hero, her quirk,skills, technique and intelligence is all was stronger than you can even imagine. Do not downgrade her just because you’re too idiotic and narrowminded to see that. She is the sweetest kid I have ever met and quite frankly the purest. Disgusting how you talk about your own child like that. AND IN FRONT OF HER?? Now with all due respect, I think you guys need to do a self reflection and change the wrongs you have within you. If you need any help i don't mind emailing you a list of things.”

-SKSKSKSKSKSKS WOT???? DID MR.HIZASHI THE ALWAYS HAPPY AND CRACKHEADY TEACHER JUST PUT YOUR PARENTS IN THEIR PLACE???? IN FRONT OF A WHOLE RESTURANT??? BEST. TEACHER. EVER.

-on you still wore an embarrassed kind or dismayed face and when Present say that. hE tHoUghT yOU wErE eIthER mAd oR sCaREd oF Him. cri

-In reality you were literally so joyful and happy. LIKE DUUUDEEE. MARRY ME LOLOL. Seriously you were super thankful that he did that for you. 

-He looked around and suddenly realised that all eyes were on him. Aww poor man felt so flustered he didn’t mean to make a fuss and disturb others, he was just so angry your parents were such a*ssholes. 

-He turned to you and bowed while simply muttering “I’m sorry Y/N”, then grabbed his coat and walked out.

-Without even thinking you jumped up and rushed out the door with him, leaving your dumbfounded parents at the restaurant

-”m-Mr.Hizashi wait up!”  you called out from behind the blonde haired man, he stopped in his tracks then pivoted in place to face you

-”y/n im very sorry to you and your family i didn’t mean any disrespect. I understand if you may not want to be around me any more or allow me to train you.”

-”ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT WAS EPIC LIKE SERIOUSLY THEY HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE I CAn rEMEBER I SWEAR YOU ARE SO AWESOME MRHIZASHI THANK YOU THANK YOU LIKE YOU’RE THE DAD I ALWAYS WANTED I FREAKING LOVE YOU AND DID YOU SEE THEIR FACES HAHA BOOM I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TELL ME I-”

-cutting you off from your frenzy and gave you a big bear hug, “haha don’t ever let what they have said about you ever ring in your head...okay L/N? I belive in you and i know you are going to be fucking great.”

-”Really?” you smiled

-”HECK YEAHHHHH, AMERICAAAAAA” 

[thewritingstar]

desperate hugging with the greens

Um I....Im sorry but this kinda got sad but desperate hugging calls for desperate situations.......enjoy? idk if you can though.....

warnings: character death...sorta 

also they dont have powers

----

Beep Beep Beep

The sound of the heart monitor echoed in her ears as she escorted herself out of the hospital room. It was too white and dim all at the same time as the only color was the fiery red of her older sisters hair.

She wrapped her arms around herself trying to provide any comfort but it didn’t work. She knew Blossom would be okay, she had to be. That was the only option as had left. 

The thought of her standing over a casket as its lowered to the ground haunted her, she wasn’t sure she could take it. The expressionless face as her skin turned grey from the loss of life left a gruesome imagine in her mind as she took a seat on a chair. 

The doctors said she was alright. Besides minor blood loss, she should be okay. She had forgotten what they had said afterwards, she couldn’t think clearly anymore. 

It happens too fast for her to tell. All she remembers was driving and a classic summer pop song filling the cars radio as they sang along. She was the one driving as Blossom was in the passenger seat. Behind them the sunset had begun to fade as the lights of the city came into view. 

It was a sister beach day and she remembers the look on Blossoms face when she told her the news. Tears pinched her skin as she hugged her sister close and even she had shed a few tears. She had been so happy and she was convinced that there was nothing that could ruin their moment. 

The light had turned green and her foot was on the gas. Blossom had said something about a new dress and bow but instead she let out a ear piercing scream. She felt the impact instantly. 

The other car speeding through the red light had hit them from the back seats and the car had spun and she felt her body smash against the steering wheel as the air bags inflated. 

There was so much pain as her head snapped back and when the world stopped spinning she reached over for her sister, shaking her shoulder as she felt blood in too many places. 

“B-blossom.” She screamed out but she wasn’t even sure if she had made a sound as she felt her body being taken out of the car and the world turned blurry and black. 

Her eyes were blank as she stared at the door.

“Buttercup?” The voice brought her out of her trance as she looked up. 

Blossom’s fiancee Brick stood with a bundle of flowers that he had been gripping way to tight and she was engulfed into a hug. “They said she’ll be okay.” She whispered to him but the look in his eyes said otherwise. 

The nurse brought him in and the door shut, the hallway becoming cold. She felt herself being pulled into a familiar pair of arms. The scent of pine provided instant comfort as she wrapped her arms around him. 

“I tried to get here as soon as possible but they only called today.” He kissed her temple but her usual smile wasn’t there. “Do you know how much longer you’ll be here?”

Her voice was horse as his hands came down to rub at her arms. “I should be okay for tomorrow.” She looked at her feet and sniffled. 

He could see the dread over come her body and she didn’t even hear him ask the nurse something as he took her hands and lead her out the back doors. In the back of the hospital was a small garden. A few picnic benches and a hedge maze brought some color to the bleakness of the building. 

She was thankful that her boyfriend could sense she was getting antsy inside. They didn’t say anything as they walk and she was thankful that it was just them as they sat at a picnic table. She wasn’t one to show her emotions easily but the trauma she endured was weighing heavily on her.

Buttercup sat on the top of a picnic table with Butch standing between her legs. She hated the grimy feeling of her hair and desperately wanted to have water run over her soon but right now all she wanted to do was be held by her boyfriend. 

Her eyes were on his chest, not daring to meet his eyes as he continued to brush the side bangs to the side. He was patient and silent, waiting for her to make the move, that’s what she loved so much about him. Nothing was rushed or fast pace, they could go as slow as they needed and savor all the moments.

But sometimes she wished moments would happen fast then be forgotten. 

Her lip was quivering as she rubbed the tips of her fingers together, nervousness setting in and he instantly saw the tears slip gently down. 

“Buttercup.” He whispered and she felt all her strength collapse. 

Her lip quivered before she threw her arms around his shoulders and buried her face into his chest. His hands wrapped around her body instantly and he kissed her head as she desperately hugged him. 

Her arms tighten, afraid that if she let go, he would be gone. The flashback of the car and all she could see was the heartbreak on his face and the destruction in his eyes. It was becoming all to much. 

“It was all my fault” Her voice was cracked as she sobbed and he dug his fingers through her matted hair.

“Don’t you ever say that. It was not your fault.” He tried to reason with her. She want to believe so badly. She wanted to know for sure but maybe if she had checked, no the light was green. It was green!

“I-I can’t lose her Butch.” 

“You’re not going to.” He pulled away and cupped her face with his hands. His own eyes were filled with tears and her hands rested on his wrists as she stared at him. “Shes going to okay. Okay?” 

Her head slowly shook as she blinked away the tears and his thumbs circled her swelled cheeks. 

“I was so worried.” He whispered as his forehead rested against hers. “When they called, Buttercup I didn’t know what to do. But I had to tell myself you were okay and look you are but, fuck-I’ve never been that scared in my life. Buttercup, I can’t even imagine what i would do without you. I love you so much.” 

“I lost her.” She cried into his chest again. 

“No, Blossom is okay. Shes in good hands-”

Her voice was muffled by his shirt as she whispered. His hands were back rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. She said it again but he couldn’t make it out. 

“I’m sorry.” She crocked out and this time her face was red and broken. There was desperation written across and he had never seen her look this...lost. 

Her face was puffy and her eyes flickers back and forth to his. Her body was ice cold and he tried to make her understand. 

“Baby its not your fault, the crash wasn’t your fault. Blossom is okay. Love, you are okay.”

“They told me I lost-”

“Lost?” 

“I-” His eyes traveled to where her hands were resting. 

lost?

lost?

oh.

Oh.

OH.

His eyes widened as she couldn’t bare to finish the sentence. He gently took her hands in his. “Hey.” His voice was soft and he picked her head up gently with his hand. “Buttercup.”

“I lost our baby. You didn’t even know.” Tears fell faster and harder and she felt like she couldn’t breath. “I am so sor-”

“Do not apologize.” He begged her. His eyes were wide. “Buttercup I could never blame you for something out of your control.”

She wiped her cheek. “They told me I wouldn’t be able to have kids again.”

He felt his heart shatter. They had talked about kids for so long. The thought of them taking their bundle of joy to their first sports game and teaching them how to read and write. The giggles and laughter they would share as they fell into a domestic bliss that they desperately craved. 

She had found out a week ago. The feeling of pure joy as the two small line appeared was something she couldn’t describe. The newest chapter of her life was about to begin and she was ready. 

And then there was Blossom. Her older sister had wanted a baby but unfortunately couldn’t have one so when she learned she was going to be an auntie, she cried tears of joy. Matching bows and cute little dresses were what she talked about during their beach trip. Their little sister Bubbles was on the phone back home with their father and they were just as excited. 

She could see it now. Getting home and running towards Butch. Throwing herself into his arms and kissing him senseless as she shared the news. She could see his face confused then morphed into pure glee. He would shed a tear and she would laugh and then they would celebrate with cake and a movie. 

The next few months would be her complaining about cravings and him adoring every moment of his girlfriend and quickly propose to prove he was there for her. She could see their life as if it were a movie. 

And now it was over. 

He held her close to his chest. The unbearable weight of the situation riding on them. He couldn’t imagine the pain she was carrying and the blame she was placing but all he knew was that she was safe and still here and thats all he could ask for. 

“I could never love you less.” He reassured her. “I need you to promise me you won’t forget. No matter what we face, we will get through this.” 

He took her hand and placed a soft kiss to it before kissing her cheek. 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

“I love you too.” 

They sat in the garden holding each other as the realization dawned on them. They were full of heartbreak and sorrow.

-----

idk how to end this. so ugh enjoy. maybe ill rewrite this one day. hope this was okay.