#its so fucking destroying seeing cis gay men proudly in love as a closeted guy
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waiting for the day i can consume cis gay media and not get insanely jealous, dysphoric, or both
#im losing my fuckin mind#its why i cant rewatch yr#i get so incredibly dysphoric and jealous and upset that i crash and it destroys me#the only way ive been coping with dysphoria is ignoring it. im not gonna be trans forever. one day ill wake up cis.#and i know that's insane and impossible but its also 3 am and its something that's keeping me going in a weird kinda way#its so fucking destroying seeing cis gay men proudly in love as a closeted guy#like it does something to my soul it fuckin ruins my seeing what i could have if i was just. born right.#god im tired of all of it#im sick and fuckin tired of it#im tired of feeling like this#im tired of being trans i want it to be over and done with#alright that's enough im so exhausted#vent
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