#is it related to like - the ‘emptying’ nature of ‘mindfulness’? lack of ego?

[pneumaticpresence]

Gaston Bachelard offers a first refacing of place—in and through the image, more specifically, the poetic image. […] Metaphors of the pigeonhole and the ladder give way to the spider's web or the beehive as we begin to appreciate what is at stake in poetic imagery: intense efflorescence. The very model of place as a surface—another insistent Aristotelian theme—has to be reassessed: what matters in the psychical implacement of images is not how they are contained by a surface (as if their fate were to be strictly surrounded) but how they appear at a surface, that of the soul itself: "The poetic image," writes Bachelard in The Poetics of Space, "is a sudden salience on the surface of the psyche." If images are indeed efflorescent phenomena, then the place in which they appear must be capable of reflecting or "reverberating" with them, not altogether unlike the Receptacle in the Timaeus: the psyche, like the Receptacle, must be comparatively characterless in order to resonate with the images that flash across its surface. The psychic surface must send forth the images it receives; it must give place to them by fulgurating with them, shining with their momentary presence. The sense of place that counts here is not that of place as it contains and perdures but as it lights up with the sudden spark of a single striking image, like a shooting star in the dark abysm of night.

—Edward S. Casey, The Fate of Place: A Philosophical History (1997)

[melliae]

Hermann's goal and a little bit about Dante's future (Spoilers for Canto VI)

“Their ultimate goal must be to go even further beyond that ‘dough’; they seek to reach the very origin… the primordial human. This is but a part of that process, merely an experiment along the way.” - Faust, Chapter 37: Lightning Rod, Canto VI

This quote is kind of crazy, don’t you think? How does the (seemingly) destruction of all Mirror Worlds relate to the manifest/summon the archetypal form of humanity? Well, I can’t answer that, but I can predict how it’s going to end up becoming one of the worst disasters in the history of the City (beyond its foundation, obviously).

Now, first and foremost, we must understand what does Faust and Aseah mean by “primordial human”, which is quite easy to answer: Adam Kadmon, commonly understood as the first emanation of the unknowable Godhead, the Ein Sof, according to the Kabbalah, the esoteric branch of judaism.

In essence, the Kabbalah postulates the abrahamic god, YHWH, is an inscrutable “existence” (for a lack of better word) of pure potentiality, beyond all possible realities or actualities. Omniscient, omnipresent, transcendent, and without limits (ie. “Ein Sof”). But that reason is what ultimately led to Creation: to allow that unknowable, alien Godhead to know and define itself.

Now, how did it do that? Through contracting and limiting its essence, creating an “empty pocket” of space into which to pour its infinite essence or light in the form of the “Etz Haim” or “Tree of Life”, one of the most common symbols of the (western) esoteric tradition, and which many of yours will recognize thanks to Lobotomy Corporation.

Beginning with Kether, which can be understood as the purest manifestation of the Godhead’s will and (positive) existence, and ending with Malkuth, the sphere of the physical world and senses, the Tree of Life—or Light, if we go according to LobCorp—is a map of the condensed existence of the universe and god… and humanity, for the good book says:

"Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. [...]’”

The Tree is that image that God imprinted onto not only creation, but all of humanity: they all share the same essential attributes of the Ein Sof, but in a manifested way instead of being just potentials. And because they both share the same underlying primal form, both the universe and humanity are one and the same—the common identity between macrocosm and microcosm.

“Not only do things appear personified as human beings, but the macrocosm personifies itself as a man too. ‘The whole of nature converges in man as in a centre, and one participates in the other, and man has not unjustly concluded that the material of the philosophical stone may be found everywhere.’”- Jung, Alchemical Studies

Why do I cite Jung of all people? Simple: because LobCorp basically identified the Ein Sof with the collective unconscious or, as the games call it, the Well of Humanity. Not only the Well is the source of all humanity’s psychological attributes, but also of the light itself, that which allows the mind to be manifested.

This relation isn’t mentioned by Jung per se (as far as I’m aware), but he did mention the relationship between Adam Kadmon and the archetype of the Self, the archetype of psychic wholeness that joins all parts of the psyche, both individual and collective.

“In the Cabalistic view Adam Kadmon is not merely the universal soul or, psychologically, the ‘self,’ but is himself the process of transformation, its division into three or four parts (trimeria or tetrameria).” - Mysterium Coniunctionis

The “process of transformation” mentioned is basically the process of individuation, by which an individual becomes conscious of itself and thus awakens to the presence of the Self, which encompasses and transcends the conscious Ego—the typical sense of individuality—in the same way Adam Kadmon does it for the individual soul.

At any rate, it’s not that difficult to understand how Project Moon came to the conclusion of “collective unconscious = Ein Sof” and “the Self = Adam Kamon.”

However, it’s important to keep in mind that the Self, as the primordial shape of psychic totality, also includes in itself the collective unconscious, the collective memory of everything that has transpired on Earth, from the beginning of life to this very moment, which implies that Adam Kadmon isn’t only an emanation of the Godhead, but its final realization, where humanity has become one with the world at large. This means that Adam, or the Self, is the sum of all the experiences of all living beings, of all their potentials realized…

The entire conundrum of Erlking and Every Catherine also works as a possible foreshadowing of how Hermann and co. will manifest Adam Kadmon: not through perfected “dough” only, but through the application of an absurd number of Identities on it—every Identity of every human that has existed. That’s the kind of number needed for the result to be aptly called the “collective soul of humanity”... in theory.

We know by “Leviathan” that people like Jumsoon, a Maestro of the Ring, can survive a stupidly large number of Identities, with every dot of his distorted form apparently being a representation of one. I don’t doubt that a “dough” of the highest quality possible could be able to handle the possibilities of all humanity. Though at the end, we really don’t know the specific method.

Continuing with the theory anyways, let’s say that N corp. is able to manifest Adam Kadmon, the archetype of humanity… the totality of the collective unconscious from which all Abnormalities stem from. Do you think that its manifestation is not going to end up as the rest of all Abnormalities, twisted and corrupted by the City’s and Outskirts’ traumas? Their pain and suffering?

“The archetype of the self has, functionally, the significance of a ruler of the inner world, i.e., of the collective unconscious. The self, as a symbol of wholeness, is a coincidentia oppositorum, and therefore contains light and darkness simultaneously.” - Jung, Symbols of Transformation.

The Self contains and is everything that humans are and have done from time immemorial, every sin and monstrosity, every virtue and great deed. There’s nothing higher than it, nor nothing lower than it. Yet, because the City still remains in a unconsciously primitive state as “Distortion Detective” stated, there’s no hope for the Self to manifest wholly when the psyche of every human has been so twisted and hurted. You can see that with the Erlking Heathcliff summoned through the “dough”, the "storm" that tore asunder Wuthering Heights, the black wolf or king.

“The ‘black sulphur’ is a pejorative name for the active, masculine substance of Mercurius and points to its dark, saturnine nature, which is evil. This is the wicked Moorish king of the Chymical Wedding, who makes the king’s daughter his concubine (meretrix), the ‘Ethiopian’ of other treatises, analogous to the ’Egyptian’ in the ‘Passio Perpetuae,’ who from the Christian point of view is the devil.” - Mysterium Coniunctionis.

Thus, the devil incarnate—Heathcliff’s Shadow.

“I, whose existence itself has become a sin… have returned to put an end to us all.” - Elrking Heathcliff, Chapter 38: The Wild Hunt, Canto VI.

“Look at Heathcliff the Erlking. Heathcliff the devil.” - Nelly, Chapter 45: Life, Stolen, Canto VI.

I’m not going to enter into (what I think is) the alchemical symbolism of Canto VI, so I’m just going to say that the dough was able to manifest the “Shadow” of one of the Sinners for a reason. Something similar happens with Catherine and Every Catherine, where the later manifests not as a normal human, but as a ghost, one of the many symbols for unconscious potencies (see “Seven Sermons to the Dead”), and one of the side effects of Wuthering Heights having being built over the “deepest river” that without doubt is related to the Well.

All in all, Canto VI shows the experiments of N corp. don’t tend to end with the mental evolution of the involved parties, but with their regression to inhuman, unconscious entities or monsters. I don’t doubt Adam Kadmon will follow that tragic future. But it’s not going to end as “easily” as Canto VI. Not at all. After all, what’s the Shadow of Adam, the Self, but the Devil… the Leviathan?

“God speaks thus in order to parade his power and omnipotence forcibly before Job’s eyes. God is as Behemoth and Leviathan: the fruitfulness and abundance of Nature, the ungovernable wildness and licentiousness of Nature, the overwhelming danger of unchained power. What was it that destroyed Job’s earthly paradise? The unchained power of Nature. God, so the poet gives us to understand, has simply shown his other side for once, the side we call the Devil, and let loose all the terrors of Nature upon the unfortunate Job.” - Symbols of Transformation.

Leviathan, as the Devil or Satan, is nothing but the dark side of humanity and the Self, its Shadow. The “crooked serpent” is the antichrist himself, the great destroyer and bringer of the end of times, sinking everything into the waters of unconsciousness (like certain someone…). But at the same time, it’s the absolute, undivided power of the government; a living tyrant to which is given absolute power over and by the people. Only God, in all its horrifying and numinous majesty, can put it down.

If we take N corp.’s fascist undertones, then it isn’t surprising that Hermann and her group are trying to summon what’s basically the archetypal tyrant. But pitifully, the other antichrist-like characters have brought anything but order to the City…

“The fourth function has its seat in the unconscious. In mythology the unconscious is portrayed as a great animal, for instance Leviathan, or as a whale, wolf, or dragon. We know from the myth of the sun-hero that it is so hot in the belly of the whale that his hair falls out.” - Mysterium Coniunctionis.

Luckily, or unluckily, Dante will without doubt have a role in both manifesting and stopping the Leviathan. After all, the Purgatory can only begin after the poet goes into the furthest, coldest depths of hell, where the frozen tyrant lies.

“…Dante, you may not remember it at the moment, but at one point you used to be something of a bigwig… so to speak.” - Vergilius, Chapter 7: Siegfried, Canto III.

Dante said in the Divine Comedy that the pride terrace of the Purgatory was reserved for him, and Satan first sinned out of pride…

Note: Kind of crazy that RR4 hints this thanks to the parallels between The King in Binds and Dante... I think I'm going crazy.

[astrologyandlife]

29° and 0° in astrology

the 29th and 0 degrees are said to be "critical" degrees in astrology, meaning that anything sitting in these degrees have a special influence on its expression and impact on the rest of the chart. so, i thought it would be a good idea to explore these two degrees and what they could mean for you guys!

part i: the 29th degree

the 29th degree is the very last degree of any zodiac sign. it is said to be the anaretic degree. here, the most difficult challenges related to the placement in question are presented, as everything else has been mastered. there is also a sense of inevitability with this placement. this is often marked by a turning point in the individual’s life.

sun – the ego and identity are strong, but there could be external circumstances that don’t allow the individual to express themselves in a completely authentic or transparent way. they must reconcile who they are inside with how they act. at times, they feel like an imposter, or like they are selling out to others. they know who they are, but do other people? this feeling that something is physically blocking them from existing impacts every action they take. they must figure out what is holding them back from complete self-expression and give themselves permission to be themselves in spite of this.

moon – this is where the most complex, desolate emotions a person can feel lie—the kinds of emotions that make you think nobody could possibly understand your experience. as a result, there is a profound sense of isolation and a difficulty integrating their emotional experiences into their self-expression. this only increases the intensity of the emotions, creating many situations of turbulence. sometimes the individual ends up completely blocking their emotions off to cope. only by facing their emotions head-on can they assuage these feelings and achieve a balanced state.

mercury – there is a tendency to get stuck in vicious cycles involving self-doubt and overthinking here. as a result, they sabotage their own efforts to make good decisions and communicate clearly. even a genius can make a fool out of himself. there can be this issue where they overthink sometimes and don’t think enough other times. they have this nagging feeling that they are missing some piece of information that is undiscovered or concealed from them. the final lesson is to trust the knowledge and experience they have to make the right decision.

venus – a profound sense of loneliness is pervasive throughout their life, as though every relationship they could have now would be empty and devoid of true connection. it’s entirely possible for these individuals to have trust issues, fall into unhealthy patterns in their relationships, and avoid intimacy. perhaps there is a part of themselves who feels they are unlovable in some way, or there is this one thing wrong with them, which they must forgive completely, the same way they would forgive and love another person.

mars – a desperation to act conflicts with a lack of confidence in their capability to do so. often this leads to them being frozen in the headlights like a deer, thinking, I have to do something but what if it’s wrong? the balance between too much and too little is blurred, leading to inconsistency and turbulence in their lives. they often end up in situations where they are forced to make snap decisions. re-calibrating their approach to conflict and matching their energy to the situation will relieve this problem.

jupiter – without thinking, these individuals over-indulge and rely on their luck and natural talents in some way. they want more of something, and it’s almost as though there is no satisfaction through receiving it. there is both a sense of hollowness and complacency that permeates as a result, and they forget how to materialize success through their own efforts. to remedy this, they must seek out growth, exploration, and expansion in its purest sense, to open their minds to a higher being or knowledge.

saturn – restrictive patterns are almost always the issue here. these individuals deprive them of something in their lives, not allowing even a moment of pleasure or reprieve from the overwhelming sense of responsibility they feel. external circumstances, especially in early life, have placed an undue burden on them, in some cases leading them to do anything to escape any responsibility placed on them later in life. to fix this, they have to let go of the guilt and fear they feel to give themselves back their agency.

uranus – how can they move forward? where is there to go that hasn’t been gone to before? in the same way that the sun in this degree struggles to find true authenticity in this liminal space, so too do these individuals struggle to find progression. somewhere they got stuck and stopped embracing their own unique qualities, which has made it impossible for them to then accept anything else. the final turning point here is to open their mind completely, to embrace entirely the open possibilities of the world.

neptune — this is the deepest recesses of this planet, where material reality as we know it does not even exist. at its most extreme, these individuals find it hard to live in this world because reality is simply too harsh for them in some way. escapism exists in its most extreme form, and the subconscious is too influential. and so, they need to escape themselves. here, the power has been given to a force that is not the individual, but rather something external to them. the task is to give this power back to the conscious individual, to escape the dream they have created for themselves and return to reality.

pluto — here, the complete death has occurred for the person. they have experienced the transformation, the change, and the end of the cycle. perhaps they have experienced in many times in their life. but the last stage hasn’t occurred yet. they become stuck before the rebirth stage, unable to complete the process. thus, the same situation happens over and over, re-opening wounds. the final turning point is to accept the change and open themselves up completely to renewal, to move on for good. lay it to rest.

part ii: the 0 degree

in contrast, the 0 degree is the very first degree of any zodiac sign. this is where the traits of the sign are most clearly and cohesively expressed, and also where there is the most to learn. you express this placement in a very raw, almost untouched way.

aries – there is a childlike innocence and naivete here, as well as an exaggerated impatience and sense of urgency. they feel that there is no time to wait. strong desire to be first and be a leader, even if they don’t know how to be one. there’s almost like a reckless quality to them. extremely assertive to a point of being hostile when others tell them what to do.

taurus – they are stubborn and fixed to the point of being unable to budge. it’s essentially impossible to stop the momentum once they’ve started, and they’re in it for the long haul. they can get stuck in their thinking and behavior patterns, doing the same thing over and over. absolutely must have stability and security in situations or they won’t commit.

gemini – absolutely no tolerance for boredom or lack of activity. they have to be doing something at all times, and often more than one thing. they’re extremely scattered. their curiosity drives them and they’re always asking questions or trying to learn more. they are constantly taking in information and changing their mind, never able to “settle.”

cancer – sensitive and emotional to the point where they can’t hide their feelings. here, there is someone who is very shy, cautious, and puts a protective shell around themselves. they have an intuition that is spot-on. very needy and moody. plays the role of caregiver and can be seen as a motherly figure. empathy is turned up all the way.

leo – they are completely self-focused and wants to be the center of attention. they want people’s eyes on them at all times, and they know how to light up a room. natural actors and tend toward being extremely dramatic. there is a sense of complete confidence in their abilities and pride in themselves. they refuse to settle for less than what they believe they deserve.

virgo – devoted to the service of others, typically in the form of providing feedback, criticism, and a helping hand. very critical and vocal about imperfections. they have an eye for detail that is unmatched. any form of disorganization or chaos is distressing to them, and they have highly specific routines and rituals. mind is constantly running to analyze and process information.

libra – cannot be alone whatsoever, and they are constantly seeking out connections with others. they are a complete pushover and seek out compromise in every situation. there is a desire to always seem agreeable and likeable. they often find themselves mediating for others, and there is an extreme need for harmony and balance. indecisive to the point of being paralyzed/hurt.

scorpio – the most private you’ll ever meet, and it’s impossible to get information out of them. feels the need to keep everything to themselves. has tons of secrets. they are super obsessive and will latch on to things quickly. needs control or to feel powerful in any situation. constantly on the defensive and trying to psychoanalyze the situation.

sagittarius – have an attitude of “it will all work out, don’t worry” even when they should be worrying. it’s impossible to tie down or get them to settle, because they have an intense need for freedom at all times. blindly faithful and optimistic. have a tendency to do things completely spontaneously. can feel claustrophobic when unable to freely act.

capricorn – absolutely rooted in tradition, even to the point of being narrow-minded. they constantly have to be going after success or achievement. the sense of responsibility is always present, which can lead to feelings of guilt or failure. an old soul from the beginning. a sense of “I have to get this right and prove myself” in anything they do.

aquarius – always has to be moving forward and making progress. extreme quirks are very possible here. highly open-minded and non-judgmental, and almost nothing surprises/shocks them. a savant, genius, or revolutionary. always at odds with figures of authority or traditionalists. a humanitarian to the extreme. they are ahead of their time.

pisces – hyper-sensitive to subtle influences and can be very spiritual or superstitious as a result. there’s an ever-present need to escape in some way, and they usually and have vivid imagination/rich fantasies. there can be a sense of directionlessness or shapelessness. the ultimate chameleon.

sun - feels the need for validation of who they are from others, projects a ton of confidence that they may not really have, very performative and forthright in expression. moon - often blindsided by their emotions, has difficulty realizing their needs and wants, less polished about handling their feelings. mercury - always curious and wants to know more, may present as a know-it-all or assert authority over topics, venus - loves the newness of relationships, craves connection and romance, wants to be well-liked by others, rejection is hard for them. mars - always in "go" mode, lots of energy and motivation, can be quick to anger or rile up, ends up in dangerous situations a lot. saturn - inherently assumes responsibility, has to learn lessons multiple times, tries to be disciplined and fails often. jupiter - lots of faith and optimism, definitely naive at heart, open to new experiences and chances for growth. uranus - has a lot of small quirks, open-minded and progressive, has a mindset of wanting to keep moving forward. neptune - rich imagination and a love for fantasy, feels directionless or like the possibilities are endless. pluto - may struggle with changes or transformations, lots of growth ahead of them, a strong presence that is very raw.

finally, i'd like to link some resources for further reading:

· https://www.astro.com/astrology/aa_article190801_e.htm (my favorite--super in-depth and peer-reviewed/published!)

· https://advanced-astrology.com/anaretic-degree/

· https://www.astrologyweekly.com/blog/29-degrees-the-anaretic-degree/

[rosesastrology]

ASTROLOGY 101 GUIDE (MASTERPOST)

This took a long time to make so I hope it's useful to someone out there c:

The signs

Aries: passionate, childlike (not childish), finds their own way, knows what they want, optimistic, go-getter, bold, stands up for what they believe in, courageous, leaders, energetic, easily influenced, bad at controlling their anger, tend to have short tempers, naivety, can come across as foolish, egotistical or selfish

Taurus: Loyal, patient, generous to this they love, can seem materialistic, romantic, treasure their loved ones, argumentative, opinionated, self-indulgent tendencies, steady, reliable, resistant to change, possessive, stubborn, realistic, can be jealous, dependable, predictable

Gemini: misunderstood, funny, witty, good with words (no matter if they're introvert or extrovert), informative, often have a lot of general knowledge and know a lot of weird facts, adaptable, fast thinkers, inconsistent, curious, restless, logical, easily distracted, charming, resourceful, can seem as though they don't have emotions

Cancer: sensitive, sweet, cares for their family or loved ones/friends, empathic, intuitive, spiritual, artistic, introverted, avoid drama, moody, have a hard exterior and a soft core, family orientated, homebodies, contrary to popular beliefs they don't like to show off their emotions, romantic, maternal, domestic, rarely get angry, protective, psychic, patient, healers

Leo: bold, confident, the center of attention (if they want to be), multitalented, often very beautiful, position of fame or wealth/success, stubborn, selfish, defensive, hasty, impatient, generous, judgemental, creative, entertaining, determined, charismatic, bossy, dramatic, sulky, brave, protective, can be manipulative, performers

Virgo: giving, reliable, smart, overthinkers, worriers, logical, organized, tidy, witty, clean, analytical, modest, perfectionists, humble, precise, self-righteous, nagging, demanding, never satisfied, selfless, shy, helpful, diligent, observant, skeptical, laid-back, unemotional, anxious, fussy, hard on themselves, health orientated

Libra: balanced, communicative, all-rounders, relationship orientated, charming, clever, selfless, creative, bossy, fair, superficial, very honest, seek peace and harmony, advisers, objective, diplomatic, gossip, idealistic, sincere, loving, social, melodramatic, manipulative, sharing, they know your weaknesses and will use them against you if they see it as necessary

Scorpio: intense, emotional, brooding, introverted, mysterious (to strangers and those they don't want to let close), are actually very soft and emotional, sexual, interested in taboo topics, magnetic, can seem intimidating, detectives, vengeful, deep, overthinkers, intuitive, powerful, leaders, dominant, stubborn, moody, worriers, negative, forceful

Sagittarius: adventurous, philosophical, usually have a talent for languages, interested in different cultures, travelers, restless, anxious, aloof, outspoken, blunt, lucky, optimistic (once developed), can be negative if their thoughts take over, open-minded, independent, skilled, ambitious, determined, courageous, witty, genuine, real

Capricorn: work orientated, stable, reliable, passionate about their career, smart, sophisticated, resourceful, careful, grounded, cold, seek status, anxious, skeptical, realistic, greedy, cynical, unsatisfied, hard on themselves, driven, patient, ruthless, disciplined, practical, overachievers, societal

Aquarius: humanitarian, funny, witty, good with words, independent, selective about their friends, smart, thrives in group environments, friendly, creative, tolerant, loyal, idealistic, original, distant, seemingly unreachable, daydreamers, want to make a change in the world, contradictory, rebellious, unconventional, don't follow the rules

Pisces: imaginative, sensitive, moody, highly creative, easily addicted to substances, manipulative, passive aggressive, self-pitying, absent, daydreamers, overthinkers, empathetic, emotional, intuitive, give good advice, sweet, extremely selfless, often give into false hope, don't put their dreams into plans, compassionate, soft, magical, accepting, lazy, escapists

Planets

SUN: THE SELF - the Sun represents the self, direct energy, father/mother energy (usually father), career, the ego, consciousness, stamina, the body, exercise, vitality, heart, confidence, radiance, personality, masculinity, your drive

MOON: THE HIDDEN SELF - the Moon represents the hidden self, emotions, substance use, the subconscious, the mother, your needs, wants, instincts, passivity, reactions, femininity, habits

MERCURY: THE MIND - Mercury represents the mind, communication, social media, conversations, news, newspapers, games, technology, science, books, intellect, reasons, messages, interactions, languages, intelligence

VENUS: LOVE - Venus represents love, marriage, engagement, stability, honeymoons, beauty, fashion, clothes, gifts, food, attraction, art, values, wants and needs, discrimination, relatability, culture, charm, jewellery, style, sociability, luxury, chances

MARS: DRIVE AND ANGER - Mars represents your drive and anger, passion, sex, boldness, argumentativeness, energy, primal instincts, aggression, action, desire, competition, courage, fights, war, frustration, violence

JUPITER: EXPANSION AND LUCK - Jupiter rules expansion and luck, traveling, fortune, growth, healing, optimism, understanding, accepting, education, school, university, reasoning, distance, foreign countries, religion, leisure time, indulgence, good fortune, the world, prosperity

URANUS: CHANGE - Uranus rules change, science, rebellion, unpredictability, instability, rebirth, reformation, insight, breakthroughs, innovation, psychology, originality, revolution, natural disasters, astrology, unique, unusual, accidents, taboo

SATURN: STRUCTURE. Saturn rules structure, life lessons, hard lessons, the father, masculinity, work, education, society, social order, society, working class, law, restrictions, limitations, responsibility, growth, obligation, law, wisdom, aging, career, hard work, strength, ambition

NEPTUNE: THE SUBCONSCIOUS - Neptune rules the subconscious, illusions, drugs, substance use, idealism, dreams, delusions, mystics, myths, intuition, spirituality, mystery, (false) hopes, faith, religion, romance, escapism, skepticism, deception, confusion, anxiety, suicide

PLUTO: TRANSFORMATION AND TABOO - Pluto rules transformation and taboo, sex, tarot, mysteries, rebirth, legends, myths, religion, ego death, astrology, witches, psychology, disorders, power, birth and death, evolution, intensity, violence, INNER change, growth, obsession, crime, subversion, hard reality, underworld, fears phobias, abuse, self-harm, everything that's hidden

THE HOUSES

Your astrological chart is made up off of twelve parts, these twelve parts are called HOUSES. A PLANET is both in a SIGN and in a HOUSE. If you have more than 3 planets in a HOUSE or SIGN it is called a STELLIUM. This means this sign or house is extremely intense in your life. You can also have EMPTY houses, which means there's no planet or luminary in that house. If this is the case, it means that this area of your life is less intense than other areas and there may be a lack of that house in your life. Strong planetary influences can counter an empty house (see NATURAL RULERS, a well-aspected Jupiter could counter an empty 9th house for example).

1st house: self, appearance, beginnings, first impressions, basic personality, the conscious, the body, dominant traits

2nd house: possessions, money, food, wealth, values, relationships, habits, career, work ethic

3rd house: communication, intellect, intelligence, humor, messages, siblings, education, news, neighbors, sociability, events

4th house: the past, family, parents, home life, childhood, emotions, foundation, roots, mother, children, women, femininity

5th house: play, relationships, chances, opportunity, romance, self-expression, creativity, art, entertainment, joy, romance, affairs, drama

6th house: health, volunteering, selflessness, generosity, fitness, exercise, pets, service, organization, critical mind, critique, perfectionism, analytics

7th house: marriage, engagement, true love, relationships, contracts, friendships, equality, balance, give and take

8th house: Sex, intimacy, resources, finance gain or loss, taboo, mystery, deception, substance, obsession, passion, abuse

9th house: Expansion, luck, traveling, education, philosophy, culture, languages, prosperity, ethics, learning, law, religion, beliefs

10th house: career, work ethic, structure, status, long-term plans or goals, stability, reputation, masculinity, men, fathers, respectability, reliability, limits, life lessons

11th house: friendship, friends, awareness, technology, humanitarianism, the future, hopes and wishes

12th house: the hidden, endings, healing, closure, spiritualism, solitude, karma, old age, subconscious, afterlife, limiting beliefs

ELEMENTS

Every sign and planet is naturally ruled by one of the four elements (earth, fire, water and air) which you can find more about here. Elements are fixed and not subjected to change.

FIRE

Keywords: active, passionate, extroverted, hotheaded, bold, spontaneous, impulsive, creative, reactive, masculine

Signs: ARIES, LEO, SAGITTARIUS

Planets: MARS, SUN, JUPITER

Houses: 1, 5, 9

WATER

Keywords: emotional, fluid, go with the flow, feminine, intuitive, sensitive, empathic, moody, negative

Signs: PISCES, CANCER, SCORPIO

Planets: NEPTUNE, MOON, MARS/PLUTO

Houses: 12, 4, 8

EARTH

Keywords: stable, reliable, structural, respectable, smart, hard workers, practical

Signs: TAURUS, VIRGO, CAPRICORN

Planets: VENUS, MERCURY, SATURN

Houses: 2, 6, 10

AIR

Keywords: communication, humor, society, idealism, justice, thoughts, messages, education

Signs: GEMINI, LIBRA, AQUARIUS

Planets: MERCURY, VENUS, URANUS

Houses: 3, 7, 11

QUALITIES/MODALITIES

In astrology every sign has a natural unchangeable quality. They are also called modalities. There are three of them: cardinal, fixed or mutable.

CARDINAL: Adaptable, versatile, changeable, dynamic, tackles obstacles head on, initiating, need the issue to be resolved, action orientated. Bad at the follow through. Blunt.

CARDINAL SIGNS: Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn

FIXED: unchangeable, stubborn, resistant, stable, organized, attached, likes routine, tackles problems slowly and often gets stuck. Do follow through. Disciplined.

FIXED SIGNS: Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius

MUTABLE: escapism, avoid the problem or issue, negotiators, compromise it, adaptable, changeable

MUTABLE SIGNS: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces

YIN YANG

There's a natural Yin and Yang in astrology.

Yin: feminine, introvert, passive, emotive, reaction based

Signs: Gemini, Virgo, Cancer, Aquarius, Sagittarius, Libra

Yang: masculine, extrovert, active, social, action based

Signs: Aries, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces

POLARITY

Polarity refers to signs or houses that are opposite of each other.

Aries (the self) vs Libra (partnership)

Taurus (personal possessions, pleasure) vs Scorpio (shared possessions, pleasure)

Gemini (detail orientated) vs Sagittarius (focused on expansion, the big picture)

Cancer (the home life) vs Capricorn (the public life, society)

Leo (generosity, entertainment and personal pleasure) vs Aquarius (individualism and humanitarian goals)

Virgo (work, discipline) vs Pisces (dreams, addiction)

NATURAL RULERS:

Every sign has a natural ruler. A natural ruling planet, house, element, quality and yin/yang.

Aries

Natural ruling planet: Mars

Element: Fire

Quality: Cardinal

House: 1

Yin/yang

Taurus

Planet: Venus

Element: earth

Quality: fixed

House: 2

Yin/yang

Gemini

Planet: Mercury

Element: air

Quality: mutable

House: 3

Yin/yang

Cancer

Planet: Moon

Element: water

Quality: cardinal

House: 4

Yin/yang

Leo

Planet: Sun

Element: fire

Quality: fixed

House: 5

Yin/yang

Virgo

Planet: Mercury

Element: earth

Quality: mutable

House: 6

Yin/yang

Libra

Planet: Venus

Element: air

Quality: cardinal

House: 7

Yin/yang

Scorpio

Planet: Pluto and Mars

Element: air

Quality: fixed

House: 8

Yin/yang

Sagittarius

Planet: Jupiter

Element: fire

Quality: mutable

House: 9

Yin/yang

Capricorn

Planet: Saturn

Element: earth

Quality: cardinal

House: 10

Yin/yang

Aquarius

Planet: Uranus and Jupiter

Element: air

Quality: fixed

House: 11

Yin/yang

Pisces

Planet: Neptune and Jupiter

Element: water

Quality: mutable

House: 12

Yin/yang

[funkymbtifiction]

Can you contrast debilitating (like can't get out of your house) shyness/ low self-esteem from the isolation which enneagram 5s tend to go through/prefer?

I can understand the confusion, but shyness and social anxiety really don’t explain the Enneagram 5 traits of detachment, emotional emptiness, or avarice. 

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include persistent:

Fear of situations in which you may be judged

Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself  

Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers  

Fear that others will notice that you look anxious  

Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice

Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment  

Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention 

Having anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event  

Enduring a social situation with intense fear or anxiety  

Spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and identifying flaws in your interactions  

Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation

Source

Enneagram 5 Identifying Traits:

Retentiveness: a lack of generosity in money, energy, and time, and insensitive to the needs of others. Holds onto what is in their mind at the expense of the outer world and external stimulation. They “get stuck” in thought. Pessimism toward the idea of receiving care and protection from others or having the power to demand or take what they need.

Not Giving: avoidance of commitment, the need to be completely free, unbound, unobstructed, in possession of the fullness of themselves. They horde now, to protect the future and “going without.’

Pathological Detachment: a characteristic aloofness. They are loners accustomed to solitude who does not feel lonely, and has trouble making friends, because of their lack of motivation to ‘relate’ to people. Prone to ‘giving up on’ relationships, both formed and unformed. The 5 minimizes and inhibits their anger by stepping outside it.

Fear of Engulfment: the 5 fears dependency, so avoids facing the needs and demands of others. May become docile to avoid conflict, which might arise unpleasant emotions that drain the 5’s inner resources. The 5 feels a relationship entails alienation from one’s own preferences and authentic expression, so feels stressed by it and needs to recover from it and find oneself again through aloneness.

Autonomy: the 5 develops ‘distance machinery’ to give up on people and on relationships. If one cannot get others to satisfy their desires, the 5 needs to build up their resources, stocking them up in an ivory tower. The 5 is miserly as a result and sometimes non-self-indulgent, not even allowing oneself to use what one has, in case it runs out.

Lack of Feeling: the 5 represses needs and suppresses anger. They lose awareness of their own and others’ feelings; be indifferent, cold, non-empathetic, and apathetic. The 5 struggles to enjoy pleasure, since they have a diminished capacity to experience it. Nor does it rank high on their list; they would rather keep a safe distance from others.

Postponement of Action: acting is to invest oneself, and put one’s energies into use, which the 5 resists. Action requires interaction, so when the drive to relate is so low, it lessens their interest in action. Action requires enthusiasm for something, and a presence of powerful feelings—which is absent in an apathetic individual. Action is revealing oneself to the world, which goes against the 5’s need for privacy. The 5 wants to keep their intentions hidden, so develops excessive restraint. They hover between negativity and the avoidance of action.

Cognitive Orientation: the 5 is introspective and intellectual. They may substitute living for reading and indulge in ‘endless preparation’ for life. But the 5 never feels ‘ready enough’ to move into action. They would rather organize and classify their knowledge than use it in the public sphere. They prefer to dwell in abstraction rather than concreteness, intellectualization rather than direct experience. The 5 only offers the results of their thoughts to the world, not its raw material. If not careful, the 5 becomes a mere witness to life, a non-attached yet keen observer of it who seeks to replace life with understanding.

Sense of Emptiness: the suppression of feelings and avoidance of life impoverishes their experiences. They experience an inner vacuum and may ‘feel faintly.’ They choose to be a critical outsider rather than an active participant.

Guilt: the 5 is guilt prone, despite its ‘buffering’ from a general distancing from emotion. This guilt manifests as a vague sense of inferiority, a vulnerability to intimidation, awkwardness, self-consciousness, and their own hidden nature. The 5 withdraws love as a response to the loveless outer world. In embracing an attitude of loveless disregard, he feels guilt at his own detachment.

High Super-Ego: the response to guilt is to feel driven and demand much out of himself and others. The 5 is an inward perfectionist and identifies with its inner “underdog.”

Negativism: the 5 wishes to subvert the perceived demands of others and of oneself, to avoid feeling bound to them. They “wish” not to do what they feel they should, not to give what is expected, even when the source of the request is internal rather than social. The 5 risks turning something they truly want to do into a “should” that provokes their own internal resentment or rebellion.

Hypersensitivity: in a low pain tolerance and fear of rejection. The 5 adopts emotional dullness to guard against hypersensitivity. The 5 feels a sense of weakness, vulnerability, and sensitivity in dealing with the world and its inhabitants. The 5 can appear gentle, soft, and harmless. They do not want to disturb how things are and would prefer to do no harm. This comes from the 5’s unacknowledged guilt, loneliness, and emptiness. One who feels ‘full’ can stand more pain than one who feels ‘empty.’ Lack of pleasure and feeling insignificant can factor into the 5’s decision to avoid the pain of frustrating relationships through the choice of isolation or autonomy.

Source.

[guysunderwearstories]

Story #15

“C’mon bro, rise and shine.” Carson threw a pillow at the face of his brother Walt, who was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor of his Boston apartment.

“Five more minutes.” Walt pulled his blanket up higher over his shirtless body. With still a week to go before the spring semester started, Walt had decided to take a break from his college house and see his older brother Carson.

As much as Walt wanted to sleep, he had already agreed to go to the gym with his brother. Carson, 25 years old and having to work harder to maintain his six pack that came more easily to him in college, was already dressed in sweatpants and a sleeveless sweatshirt. Working for a ritzy accounting firm that had a gym in the building for its employees, Carson’s plan was to bring Walt as his guest and get in a few exercises before a long day of sitting at a desk.

Walt threw off the blanket. His body exposed in a pair of orange Pair of Thieves briefs. While he lacked the defined six pack of his brother but had the naturally in-shape body of a college male who only drinks light beer and dabbles in ultimate frisbee.

Carson held his tongue. While he knew his brother used to be a boxers guy, over Christmas break he had seen him wake up in an absurdly small pair of smiley faced briefs. Though Walt had been embarrassed about it at the time, he had been flaunting his tiny underpants since the start of his visit. Carson suspected that may have to do with the fact that on that same Christmas break Walt had pantsed him to reveal a jockstrap, as the first time Carson called out his brother for his budgie smugglers Walt had smugly retorted that at least his underpants covered his ass. The whole thing infuriated Carson, as he was usually a boxers man but literally only wore the jockstraps when working out.

Carson and Walt walked the five blocks to the building where Carson worked. As the two were about the step into the building, Carson heard himself being greeted by name. He was surprised; he usually got to the gym well before his coworkers, and the few other people he encountered normally at this time were people on different floors he did not know. But this was his boss greeting him, Norm.

“Hello, sir.” said Carson. He had no plans to introduce his nuisance of a brother. “Going to get a workout in?”

Norm chuckled. “Not at my age.” This answer was baffling; though Norm was in his fifties, as evidenced by his full gray hair and beard, his slim but firm body would’ve suggested there was some working out in his morning schedule. “Just have to catch up on some work I really should’ve done already.”

The two exchanged a few more pleasantries before Norm went upstairs and Carson and Walt walked into the locker room. They started to change into their workout clothes and in a few moments the two brothers stood only in their underwear: Walt in his orange briefs, and Carson in some boxers with dark blue and light pink vertical stripes. He grabbed the teal jockstrap from his bag and prepared to changed into it.

“Look.” Walt gestures towards the one other man in the locker room, who looked to be about a year or two younger than Carson but with an impressive body to match. He was wearing nothing but a pair of black Calvin Klein trunks. “That dude’s about to work out in underwear that actually covers his ass.”

The man chuckled to himself as he pulled on a tank top, and Carson turned beet red. He swatted Walt with the hand he was holding the jockstrap, the minimal teal fabric whipping through the air. Screw it. He wasn’t going to have Walt teasing him the entire time he was here. He put the jockstrap back into his gym locker and pulled his workout shorts over his boxers. Guess everything was going to be flapping in the breeze for this workout.

Working out in boxers was not something Carson ever wanted to repeat. His workout shorts were about the same length as the underwear underneath them, so he was constantly readjusting. He had to pick between two evils: either have fabric ballooning over the top, or have the legs peek out the bottom. Both atrocities occurred repeatedly throughout the workout.

He finished the workout before Walt and took to the showers before he got dressed. As the locker room was empty, he sat on the bench fully clothed and waited for his brother. Walt came back from the shower and slipped a pair of white briefs on underneath his towel before ditching it. Fully clothed and looking at his brother in a pair of tiny white briefs, Carson felt his time to get revenge.

“Bro, seriously? Colored briefs are one thing, but you look like you’re wearing a diaper in those tighty whities.”

Walt just laughed. “Again. At least my ass is covered.” He paused for a second. “Well, mostly.” He put on his clothes.

The two picked up their gym bags and walked into an empty hallway. Still early, Carson had wanted to show Walt his office, but after all of this teasing he was no longer sure he was in the mood.

“Dude, I brought that jockstrap to the gym as a joke,” he lied. “I literally wore a jockstrap once, it was a gag gift from a buddy-“

“Whatever you say.” Walt was enjoying this. But Carson was annoyed.

“Walt, enough of this. You’re staying with me, I need you to respect me. I’m a boxers guy and you know this. A boxers guy.”

“I believe you.” Walt spoke with exaggerated sarcasm.

“You don’t believe me? Fine.” Carson untucked his work shirt and unbutton his pants. He pulled his khakis to his knees. So now while his top half has a button down light blue shirt and a black tie, his bottom half revealed a pair of black American Eagle boxer shorts dotted with orange peaches. “See? Boxers guy through and through.”

“I’m not sure why that’s relevant to a workplace, but I now see you do prefer boxers, Carson.” Carson turned around and to his horror Norm was standing in what he had thought was an empty hallway.

“Sir, I’m sorry, I was-“

“I don’t really need to know what was happening.” Norm cut him off. “I had just wanted to introduce you to your new coworker, who you’ll be working very closely with.”

In the confusion, Carson had not even noticed another man next to Norm. It was the man from the locker room, dressed in a light pink dress shirt and khakis so tight he had visible trunk lines.

“Nice to meet you, Carson.” His eyes darted down to the peaches. “But would you mind pulling up your pants now?”

NOTE: Hey everyone! I wish I could post more frequently but it’s hard with schoolwork and it’s been difficult to come up with ideas. But I’ll still post whenever I get a chance!

I love bringing back minor characters because it introduces variety and lets me do stories I can’t do with the single house of guys. But I also get things may be confusing, and I also know not everyone has read all the stories. Though I’d love to know if you have for the ego boost, if you’re a new reader and just want to know which story started the ongoing plot in some of these, feel free to ask and I can direct you! Some stories relate directly to others, and I’d be happy to show you where to go if you don’t want to read all 14.

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny II, part 2 ― Chapter 7: The Hierophant

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny II, part 2 ⥽

They fled New York with one purpose. Find, hunt down, and return with a way to kill a vampire god. They abandoned their loved ones and survived the City of Shadows; had their trust broken and darkest secrets brought to light. All that... and Gaius still won anyway. But now that they have nothing to lose, Nadya and her friends are finally ready to do whatever it takes to see the King of Vampires overthrown.

They just have to avoid a vampire population eager to gain favor with their new monarch, the ruthless Order of the Dawn, and whatever plans Gaius has that involve Nadya captured and brought to him alive. So... easy-peasy, right? The worlds of both dark and light hang in the balance. The time has come for the Bloodkeeper to embrace her destiny. So if anyone wants to clue her in on whatever that means, now would be great!

Bound by Destiny II and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing reimagining project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

TAG LIST: @googlesentmehere​, @cess02​, @hellyeah90sbaby​, @tayab12​, @saratustra4​, @imnotdonewiththeelementalists​, @thepotatobleh​​ 

*join the Tag List here!

⥼ Summary ⥽

In Prague, Nadya and the others seek the audience of the most famous name in histories both mortal and vampire. It's probably for the best that she doesn't get her hopes up.

content warnings: language

[READ IT ON AO3]

Prague is cramped roads and buildings of all sizes and heights all mostly the same four or five different earthy, rusty tones. Cobblestone streets and narrow alleys she can’t help but look at even in passing and think, with the hairs on the back of her neck standing to attention, there goes another hiding place for something wicked and foul.

That isn’t to say Prague isn’t beautiful. Because it is. One of Nadya’s favorite things about living abroad in college (and only in the very smallest back of her mind in Paris and the other cities they’ve hopped to and from here while on the run for their lives and the very fate of the human race) was all the old architecture she got to walk past every day like it was the most natural thing in the world. And Prague is full of opportunities like that.

In her most Nadya-esque fashion, she chooses to focus on that instead of what may or may not lurk in the shadows. She chooses to look at the beauty and history around her because you don’t see stuff like this every day.

That, and because she knows it doesn’t matter what hiding place she might spot — doesn’t matter whether that alleyway or this abandoned road is empty or not. There are things out to get them — out to stop them — regardless of whether or not she’s lucky enough to catch a glimpse.

That’s just their new reality.

Prague is chillier; a fact not made any better by the fact none of the bodies she can cling to in the cold have an ounce of warmth for her to leech. Prague is also kinda rainy; and more often than not when she has the chance to push back the curtains of their modest hotel room the sky is the same shade of grey it was the day before. That’s totally fine — just add some snow and it’s almost like home.

Prague is also the long-time home of Vlad Tepes, the vampire more popularly known around the world as Dracula.

Don’t forget that bit.

Lily certainly hasn’t.

“C’mon,” she’s brought this up half a dozen times now and it always ends the same way but when has that ever stopped her before, “he can’t really be that bad.” Because she’s convinced herself that Kamilah, Serafine, and Adrian are all being a touch too dramatic when it comes to their biased opinions on the most (in)famous vampire in history.

And part of Nadya is inclined to agree… but it wouldn’t be fair not to take into account how literally none of the aforementioned vampires are prone to excessive hyperbole. So maybe he can really be, well, that bad.

Kamilah simply sighs and continues sipping her wine in idle silence. She stopped entering the discussion early on; probably of the mindset that Lily will see exactly what they all mean when the time comes. Whatever that means.

At this point the only one who will actively engage with her is Adrian. Which says a lot — that’s really out of character for him. “I thought much the same before I met him in person, but the truth is much stranger than the fiction when it comes to Vlad.” He’s said something to this effect every single time, too.

And don’t think Nadya hasn’t noticed how he usually ends up shifting where he sits and-slash-or stands. Or how Serafine is usually there to offer him an affectionate touch in some form or another. There’s a story there, she’s certain of it. But she trusts him to bring it up if or when it becomes relevant to their current dilemma — and if it isn’t then she looks forward to teasing him when the world is safe and Gaius is dust in the wind.

Because it’s important to note that truth and fiction are as different as oil and water when it comes to the man, the myth, the legend. Who apparently did his fair share of noteworthy conquests in his human years and even his first couple of decades as a vampire; but somewhere down the line wound up going from famed ‘impaler’ to something that — based on Serafine’s general description anyway — is shaping in Nadya’s mind’s eye to look something like a cross between Vegas-sensation Mario Bautista and KISS without the face paint.

“There’s something to be said for the measure of success Vlad has been able to attain while living in the heart of the Order’s battleground,” says Serafine almost absently, “but any praise for him should live and die there — even that I find myself questioning from time to time.

“He has been widely reviled from the moment he brought that ridiculous novel to light. Not only for placing us in the public eye but for doing so with such utter… disregard for our truths.”

Jax raises an eyebrow. “You’d think spreading a bunch of lies that humans end up believing wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” But everything on Serafine’s face disagrees.

“One might think, perhaps. But if anyone was less suited to such an ill-fitting ego…”

“So he’s got a big head,” Lily shrugs, “what’s the big deal?”

The Big Deal is, apparently, how Vlad Tepes has gone from boasting ass to full-on diva in the centuries that followed. Something Serafine seems to take more than a little personally. “And one could suffer his endless tales when they revolved around little more than himself. When he shifted his focus to the Church of the First things became… complicated.”

Needless to say the entire premise of ‘Vlad Tepes—the Dracula—considers himself to be a prophet for the First Vampire in all but official theophany, and serves as Europe’s go-to for all things related to the devotion of Rheya Herself’ is something Nadya has been struggling to wrap her head around for… this whole time.

Maybe seeing it all with her own eyes will do something about that, she thinks, if only so Lily will finally stop trying to poke and prod for answers their friends don’t seem eager to provide.

Unlikely, but, you know.

“How a person takes in faith is unique to them, and a deeply personal experience. Regardless of their…” Serafine purses her lips for the right words. Or at least ones that are a little more in English and a little less like curses. “… unchecked vanity.

“While I cannot speak with certainty as to whether or not Vlad was a true believer in the ideals of the Goddess, whatever he did feel was enough to earn him a place at Gaius’ side during the pivotal years he spent spreading Her belief.

“What he lacks in all else he makes up for in his ability to sensationalize anything that comes tumbling out of that vacant head of his.”

Which explains the whole ‘singing Gaius’ praises’ thing; the largest source of disagreement when it finally came down to whether or not they were willing to risk it all for what Vlad might know.

And while it was unanimous that they would have preferred to wait and see what more concrete information they could dig up, time isn’t on their side. “Still an awful lot to risk on a mere hunch,” comments Cadence — whose natural affinity for research has made spontaneously vanishing away to Prague more than a little stressful for him.

“I just can’t understand how anyone would even consider believing his claims to have seen the Eternal Tree for himself when there’s literal published proof he’s a pathological liar.”

But this is something they’ve been over, too. Not that Nadya doesn’t totally understand venting the same frustrations in the wake of inaction. But it’s not faith in Vlad Tepes that she has.

Her faith lies in Kamilah. That is more than enough.

“Time and time again I witnessed retribution served by Gaius unto those who claimed to have been touched by the First in some divine form or another. He would not suffer anyone speaking falsely of Her — for good or for ill. Vlad’s claim to have seen the Tree with his own eyes wasn’t exactly kept quiet, yet he remained untouched and, unfortunately, very much alive.”

Which pretty much confirms it’s the one impossible thing he’s actually telling the truth about. This is a good thing!

“And you’re sure you are up to the task, petit?”

Nadya knows Serafine only asks because this is something they can’t do without her. Serafine could try to suss out the truth from him on her own but it would only waste more time.

For once though, Nadya feels… not-as-uncertain as she usually does about these things. She wouldn’t be so bold as to call it confidence, but how hard can one ordinary (fame aside) vampire be after she literally pulled Gaius’ oldest memory out of thin air?

“I am.”

“And if your way doesn’t work, we can always go my route.”

And perhaps the most disconcerting thing of all is how those who would normally oppose Jax’s methods of sword-related threats and violence remain pointedly and purposefully silent. Not that anyone is particularly inclined to draw attention to it.

Just like they don’t draw attention to the way Kamilah tactfully uses the rim of her wine glass to conceal the barest twitch of her lips.

Though none of them are surprised at his offer however, Serafine seems to have outright expected it. She throws him a coy smile across the table; a devious glint in her eye.

“Actually Jax, I’m glad to hear you are up to the task. As what I have in mind will not be possible without your help.”

Sometimes the best plans are the ones that take the most direct route to get to where you’re going. And there’s really nothing more direct than what Serafine has in mind.

The estate is a little under an hour away from Prague itself; swathed in lush and vibrant countryside — or that’s what Nadya imagines. It’s kind of hard for her to see out of the tinted limousine windows as they venture on their lonely road after dark.

Not that the place itself is hard to see. Like a beacon in the night the Tepes manor and surrounding land is lit up in the night. Even with the moon hidden behind roiling clouds the moment their car pulls in and begins ambling up the long gravel pathway they are met with what’s practically a battalion of lamp-posts to show them the way.

All she can think about is how long it must take someone to travel the grounds and light up every single one.

The rest of Vlad Tepes’ lands are hard to see properly. On account of the towering and neatly-trimmed hedge walls that flank their path. “Vlad’s labyrinth is somewhat of a popular novelty,” Serafine explains quietly, “though our heightened senses take most of the intrigue and mystery from the search from start to finish.”

But some well-manicured bushes are nothing compared to the splendor of the actual castle itself. With its sprawling Gothic architecture in spires and buttresses it’s truly everything one would expect when they hear something like ‘the Castle of Vlad Tepes.’

Flickering flames in old stained-glass windows somehow both perfectly preserved and still allowed to age with grace. Not unlike vampires themselves, Nadya thinks fleetingly, and lets herself drink in the passive appreciation of it while she can.

Before something inevitably goes wrong and, much like in the way of Marcel’s castle back home, has her thinking back on it with a sour taste in her mouth.

“I still can’t believe you just called the guy up.”

Jax has barely paid any of it a second glance; not the journey or the destination. He’s stayed in pretty much the same position the entire drive; arms never uncrossing from his chest and, to literally no one’s surprise, with his sword never leaving his lap.

“How would you rather I have gone about arranging this little parley then, hm?”

The two vampires stare one another down in silence. Suddenly the cabin feels a lot more cramped and heated than it did just a moment ago. Nadya tugs at the collar of her shirt in discomfort.

“I’m not saying I had a plan, but if I’d had time to make one it wouldn’t be walking through his front door.”

But the younger’s irritation only seems to amuse Serafine, who purses her lips into a thin line to keep from smirking at him too obviously.

“Ah, oui. I suspect you would have gone looking for a secret entrance of some kind… perhaps a sewage tunnel by which to secret yourself in and out undetected?”

Jax just shrugs. “Can’t say I wouldn’t.”

“I can.”

Two words and just like that all the mirth is sapped from the air around them. Nothing fills the void left behind; it stays hollow and empty with foreboding.

“If such a passage did exist, which I can assure you it does not, would the Order not have used it long ago in much the same way?” She raises a single eyebrow at Jax, continuing before he has a chance to answer her.

“While your modern methods are indeed a fresh eye on an old war, Jax, they seem to blind you to the full scope of the kind of life we have lived here for all these centuries. Safety is but a fleeting dream to us. No shadow goes undisturbed for signs of the enemy. Every shelter — from a boarded-up chapel on the wayside to a sprawling manor house such as this — has been deemed safe only after proceeding with the utmost caution.

“Even someone as brazen as Vlad would not dare risk his own life by doing anything else.”

Nadya swears she can hear Jax’s teeth grind in his set jaw. That may be the gravel under the tires though.

The limo starts to slow down as they pass through a break in the hedges to reveal a wide arcing roundabout that stops just shy of the castle’s imposing front doors.

“So what you’re saying is if this goes to shit tonight there’s really no escape plan, huh?” Jax finally asks, and with a much softer voice than either Serafine or Nadya would have expected.

It makes the vampiress throw him a sympathetic look. One he pointedly ignores, but when has that ever stopped her before?

“Have you such little faith in my charming disposition?”

It’s a meager attempt to lighten the somber mood at best, but it’s enough to at least ease his suddenly white-knuckled grip on the sheath of his katana.

“More like a lack of faith in your judgment.”

“Inspired by?”

“Whatever the hell you see in Raines.”

It’s as though the driver has been taking his sweet time waiting for a break in their tension to finally get there. Which can’t possibly be the case; since the partition has been up from the moment they pulled away from the hotel and the ones they left behind… can it?

He cuts the engine abruptly. Something about the reigning silence makes Nadya’s heart start to inch its way up into her throat. Jax, sitting closest to her and no doubt hearing the spike in her pulse, reaches out and squeezes her shoulder.

“You okay there?”

She gives a noncommittal shrug, glad when he doesn’t drop his hand. “Situationally or existentially?” The joke, unfortunately, doesn’t quite land.

“At least this one is above ground.” He tries to reassure her. But apparently neither of them are allowed the luxury.

“The parts you can see…” Serafine says; her last words before the door opens to signal their arrival.

The night air is cold and makes Nadya’s eyes water as she steps out between her companions. She would have rather had Kamilah or Adrian at her side but that just wasn’t possible.

Serafine had made a point that couldn’t be denied. Between Kamilah’s assumed death and Gaius’ known ability to hold a grudge longer than most modern civilizations had been around, those two were pretty much screwed if anyone just so happened to recognize them.

With Antony and Isseya off the radar since Kamilah’s return and none of them having any hint or clue as to whether or not Gaius had started extending his reach overseas yet, they were better off housebound (metaphorically speaking) for the time being.

As it is they’re risking enough bringing Jax along, but apparently the fact he hadn’t made “much of an impression” on Gaius, to put it in Kamilah’s own words, was to their benefit. They were playing safe over sorry with Lily and her newly-acquired quirks too.

It was easy to write off the fact that Serafine hadn’t even allowed Cadence to volunteer before shooting him down as being, well, Serafine and Cadence being Serafine and Cadence. But there’s still a lot they don’t know about whatever had happened to their friends when the group split up — whatever it was though was enough to ease that tension in ways nobody would have expected.

“The intention is to meet with Vlad as quickly as possible, and ideally without arousing suspicion from him or any who might be in his entourage.” Serafine had explained. “Seeing as Cynbel of the Trinity has been famously dead for over a century now, seeing him suddenly reappear in the midst of Gaius’ ascension might as well be the definition of suspicious.”

The argument was fair and valid and lucky for them to have that kind of forethought, honestly. But when Nadya thinks back to the vague air of their talk back at Ahmanet in London and pairs it almost absentmindedly with the way Serafine and Kamilah exchanged a long and almost nervous glance at one another when Cadence’s back is turned…

Let’s just say at this point she’s just waiting around for the other shoe to drop. Or the other-other shoe. Like the kind of shoe an octopus might wear or something.

All of that and only Nadya is left; always the odd one out. But the Bloodkeeper can’t not do this, so what choice does she have?

They just have to hope Kamilah was right when she assumed Gaius would want to do everything in his power not to let Nadya’s name and face spread too far or wide. That he wouldn’t dare run the risk of someone else getting to her before he could.

Neither option appeals, for the record. But at least she’s not the only one risking her neck.

The driver gestures for them to wait at the base of the castle steps, letting them know they will be shown in shortly. He doesn’t linger, job completed, and soon Nadya is throwing a glance over her shoulder to catch the bright red tail lights before the car disappears back around the hedge line and out of sight.

Serafine’s hand comes down in between her shoulder blades somehow both heavy and comforting. A simple touch that eases the tension beginning to knot there that Nadya hadn’t even realized existed.

“Your heart is racing, Nadya,” she states the obvious with a gentle smile of her own, “we may be able to account his notoriety for your nerves but please… try to control your breathing.”

She nods, wide eyed, and swallows through her dry throat before inhaling deeply through her nostrils, holding, and letting it out as a warm breath on her lips. In, and hold, and out, and in, and hold, and out several times before she glances and sees the tiniest nod of approval from the vampiress.

“You’re pretty calm, given everything.”

“Why would I not be?” asks Serafine in obvious surprise. A little too sincere, in Nadya’s opinion.

“The way you’ve been talking about him sounds a lot like you guys aren’t old friends.”

Her rouge-tinted lips purse wryly. “No, I would not associate myself with him so plainly.”

“Then why did he agree to meet with you?”

A fair question, too. One that has Jax listening attentively even if he doesn’t look away from the doors still not yet opened to greet them.

Given the gravity of the situation, Nadya’s grateful that the woman doesn’t seem to need the time to carefully choose her words on this. Hopefully that means she isn’t sugarcoating it.

“The truth is that I did not reach out to him, but rather chose to finally accept a long-standing invitation.”

“Invitation to what?”

Serafine’s answer is drowned out by the sudden opening of the front doors; old heavy wood on ornate hinges designed more with the aesthetic in mind. Their harsh squeal cuts into the trio’s ears and makes Nadya flinch violently.

Soft yellowing light spills out into the night. A haze that stretches down the stone steps and all the way to where they stand gathered on the gravel. Nadya quickly throws the back of her hand over her eyes as she blinks away hazy colorless dots in front of her sight.

It’s just one big gaping hole of uninterrupted brightness… until a shadow starts to cut a long path through the din. It stretches longer and longer until it nearly reaches all the way back near the break in the hedges; a towering figure that, once her eyes adjust to the new lighting, doesn’t quite match the reality that stands before them.

“As I live and breathe — what be this vision before me? It could not be the captivating sight of one Serafine Dupont, surely!”

There’s so much to unpack there but Nadya’s brain is already frozen and buffering on account of the singular thought that consumes her entire being.

Those are some tight leather pants.

The fact that Vlad is wearing all black only adds to the formidable, if shapely, shadow he cuts across the front path. He gestures widely and exuberantly and with no small amount of purpose; the kind of motion that makes sure his large billowing sleeves move in precisely the right way and give him the perfect amount of flair.

Even without the combined warnings from Kamilah and Serafine prior to this exact moment, Nadya’s certain this first impression is all it would take for her to know exactly the kind of man Dracula is.

A one-hundred percent unrepentant drama queen.

Neither Jax or Nadya miss the sight of Serafine quickly steeling herself. How she tucks away any lingering distaste (though maybe it’s the whole psychic-connection thing but Nadya swears it’s not that hidden if she can still feel the remnants of it) and slips on what could very well pass as a genuinely sincere smile for how natural it looks.

Oh, she’s good.

“Vlad,” she coos, somehow both a greeting and an endearment both with one meager syllable. “I see the years have remained kind.”

With his hands on his cocked hips Vlad lets out his own rich bellowing laugh. The kind that has Nadya looking subtle as she can over her shoulders to see if there really is anyone able to hear him waiting in the shadows; witnessing them all like a permanent audience for his constant theatrics. Her senses may be perilously human but Jax doesn’t seem to notice anything off… hopefully he’s got a better grasp on their surroundings while their host holds Serafine captive with a gaze.

“Whereas you, my exquisite creature, look absolutely radiant. Perhaps even glowing as much as I am!”

The ‘Count’ is definitely younger than Serafine, which makes his comment more than a little suspect. About as suspect as the fact that he hasn’t moved from his place at the top of the steps… nor has she moved from her place here below.

They’re having a good old-fashioned stand off. Each one waiting for the other to yield their ground and move things along. But it’s different between the pair of them, that much is obvious.

Vlad shifts on the heels of his boots with an expectant lilt to his smile. He’s used to being greeted with respect and reverence — which Serafine isn’t not giving him — but it means he makes others come to him.

And everyone (Vlad included) knows quite well that Serafine only does what she wishes and nothing more. Hence the way she stands graceful, calm, and poised. Hands folded lightly over the bodice tight against her blouse.

She tilts her head to the side so gently her hair falls around her shoulder in a dark pillowing cloud.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” she asks bemusedly, “aren’t you going to come give us a kiss?”

With his hand forced and no time to find a reasonable way to turn the tables Vlad has no choice but to acquiesce. “Of course, of course!” Then he’s skipping down the worn stone steps two at a time, the rhythm of his heels following him all the way down. “I just needed a moment to take all of you in, darling. Alive and well and vibrant as ever.”

He embraces his fellow survivor with open arms and a kiss to each of her cheeks.

Another good reason Adrian didn’t come with, Nadya finds herself thinking — the only distraction she can muster to keep from cringing at how he gets a little too friendly on her face with his lips, we need Vlad alive after all.

And after that display… that might have been something up in the air.

Vlad coaxes Serafine back to hold her at arms’ length; only he doesn’t actually let her go. Some small attempt to reconcile his failed power play, maybe.

It doesn’t matter. Just as she did before Serafine breezes her way through anything he might do to her — a simple gesture and roll of her shoulders to adjust her hair has Vlad all but staggering back like she’s thrown him backwards with all of her strength.

“You say such things as though they may have been in doubt.”

His recovery is a meager and tight-lipped smile. “My ears on the ground have a lot to say about changes abound on your side of the continent. Absolute chaos, from what I’m told.”

Tension ripples through Jax and has his hand drifting to the sword affixed to his belt. Nadya throws him a worried look; all wide eyes and silent pleas, but from the looks of it she didn’t need to bother.

They might as well be invisible for all the attention the famed vampire gives them. Not when he has whatever old grudge fuels the calculated exchange between himself and Serafine to put his energy into. But never in her life has Nadya been more glad to be considered chopped liver.

Serafine doesn’t immediately answer. The inaction makes Vlad’s eyes flicker in ruby shades of delight; makes his smile grow wider and a little more meaningful — he thinks he’s won somehow.

“Surely you know of what I speak,” hand over his heart and eyes downcast in cheap, tacky grief, “as I can’t begin to imagine why you wouldn’t have been in Paris during the Dark Solstice. A morbid affair, from what I’ve heard. Almost no survivors to speak of.

“Save yourself, of course.”

Tension crackles between the vampires like electricity. It amps up the long pause that lets his words settle in like a rot; one he’s content to let spread so long as he can’t see it, or as long as nothing of his is damaged by it. Though if he lets it fester everyone’s gonna succumb eventually… or some other metaphor like that.

“You’ve always given credence to such boisterous tales, Vlad.” The woman replies a mite too calmly.

“You deny the Order has reared its fearsome head on your side of the continent?”

“Did I say that?”

“You did not say otherwise.”

“No…” Her voice trails into something soft; hand coming up the brush the back of her knuckles over the high arch of Vlad’s almost alabaster cheekbone. He could bat her hand away, step out of her immediate reach; anything to abate the way he’s shaking very obviously now in his boots. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t move an inch.

He just takes it.

Topped with the cherry pink of Serafine’s angelic smile.

“No I did not.”

And just like that she’s restored some sort of hierarchy between them. One that existed long ago and that Vlad Tepes had apparently forgotten in the intermission that followed. There’s less fear in him when he finally relaxes, when she lowers her hand to clasp his with a gentle little squeeze. But there’s a difference between showing fear and being afraid.

Serafine continues with a newfound confidence. “But your concern warms my heart, old friend. Such as my heart warms to know that with our differences aside we can remember the one thing that binds us. That which is more important than anything else.

“By the Will of the Goddess.”

She takes their joined hands and twists them gently. The darkened copper of her skin in stark contrast to his as she coaxes his palm facing upwards.

Nadya watches intently. She wonders for a moment if Serafine intends to draw blood from the bright vein under her thumb… but it passes over like a kiss and nothing more.

“By the Will of the Goddess,” Vlad repeats — far more winded than he had been mere moments ago.

To Serafine’s left Jax shifts on his boots restlessly. Not that anybody asked but Nadya’s seriously impressed with him right now; given his track record with these kinds of things the fact that he can resist rolling his eyes and looking for all the world as though he’d rather take his way through this in favor of the bare minimum of neutrality is worthy of some serious accolades.

Not that he gets any. But Serafine can take a hint.

“Vlad, ma puce, let us move this inside, shall we? I’ve yet to introduce my delightfully stoic American friend here; and he’s been so patient with us hasn’t he?”

It isn’t hard for Jax to pretend to be utterly disinterested in Vlad as the man finally seems to acknowledge his presence — simply because he’s not even pretending. But Vlad had been; that much is obvious. As he looks the younger vampire over with a lazy enough eye.

One that makes it abundantly clear that he had noticed Serafine was not alone; but that he simply didn’t see why he ought to make the effort to care.

“American you say,” — oh of course he says it like that; snooty upper crusty and like he’s actively trying to get Jax to put him at the top of his hit list; maybe even higher up than Gaius at this point — “how… bold of you.”

But his attitude aside, it’s impossible to miss the shift in the way Vlad’s eyes rake over Jax to take him in fully and as a person, less like a piece of Serafine’s luggage left aside.

His eyelids lower a fraction, likes like smoldering embers as he drags his gaze up to finally take in Jax’s handsome features through thick lashes. If there was any doubt left as to what the man’s mind conjures up with the sight before him — there really isn’t though — that’s pretty much dashed the moment he swipes a hint of his tongue out to wet his lower lip.

“Yes, bold indeed…”

Before he can say anything else there’s a loud noise from just beyond the castle doors. A heavy thud that sounds an awful lot like heavy furniture or something else being dragged across a floor.

Jax’s shoulders sag in visible relief as the sound jostles Vlad out of his thoughts and back to the present. He turns back to Serafine.

“Yes yes, do come inside! The American too, I suppose… You can even bring your little snack.”

It takes Nadya entirely too long for her to realize she is the snack. That doesn’t sit well, to be honest.

But it’s the first time Vlad’s even acknowledged her existence and… it’s a little underwhelming if she’s being honest. Not that she wants to earn Vlad’s attention in any form — especially with how touchy-feely he’d been with Serafine — but maybe by this point she’s just gotten so used to strange reactions from vampires that being completely and utterly ignored is… a whole lot of strange for its own reasons? If that makes sense?

It does make sense, if Serafine’s face is anything to go by. How she darts a quick look between Vlad and Nadya and just barely manages to wipe the confusion from her face before it becomes something worth noting.

It could be worse… so she counts her blessings.

Without further pleasantries the man takes long strides back up the steps. He assumes they will follow right at his heels, and they do. Though if the looks shared between the three of them are any indication nobody is feeling as confident about this whole mess as they did before they exited the car.

And they can’t even mention it. What with the whole vampires having supersense-hearing and all.

Vlad doesn’t stop at the top of the stairs. He continues striding right on through the doorway and immediately he’s met by an attendant on either side. Each face is pretty in the way model runways are pretty; with a sharpness to their features that makes them look almost feline and, these two at least, with some kind of gold-colored highlighter that accentuates the sharpness of their umber skin in the distant candlelight.

One steps behind him to catch the suit jacket he shrugs off of his shoulders, while the other who places a fresh glass of a brown liquor in his waiting hand.

“I hope you can forgive the mess of the place,” Vlad pauses to sip his drink and thanks one of the pretty faces with a knuckle stroked along their long throat. They remain impassive to the act but the intimacy can’t be denied.

“You know how crazy things can get when planning the social event of the year and all that.”

Only it’s not a mess so much as it is just a bit… bustling. From the front walk Nadya’s human hearing hadn’t caught onto the noises coming from inside the place but seeing it all now she’s considering getting her hearing checked.

One would expect an estate that looks like that on the outside would be no less decorated within, but decorated is pretty much an understatement. Though if anyone were to make sure any place they lived was decorated to the nines regardless of the time of year it would be Vlad.

Despite knowing that, the hectic bustle of bodies between propped open grand doors and up and down a staircase that branches off on three of the castle’s main floors, though the staggering height of the place from afar tells her there are more levels than what she sees here.

Everything is decorated with the kind of taste that comes from old and inherited wealth and is topped off with a modern edge.

Banisters roped with thick twines of velvet in various shades of reds and golds and what look like real diamonds acting as little more than baubles dangling from the tassels at the hems; furniture scattered around the large foyer in plush cushions and couches that look at first like the genuine antique but on second glance are gold-inlaid replicas built with modern crafting techniques and with longevity in mind.

Another thud comes from a handful of attendants moving a large chaise from one side of the hall through another doorway.

On the ground floor there’s a giant ladder propped up against the far left wall and an attendant balancing atop it. They hold themselves perfectly still, almost delicate, while they secure dark nearly blood-red ribbons around the bottom rungs of a chandelier. They must be nearly done, judging by the same material already wrapped around the chain securing it to the ceiling, and the dark color of the fabric dulls the light and leaves the room hazy both from the continuous heat of the flames that don’t quite permeate the thick texturing.

By the time this place — or this space at the very least — is done being decorated it will certainly be beautiful. But it will be a dark kind of beauty — gothic in a way.

Exactly the kind of event decorations you would expect from Count Dracula; but there’s a respect to be had for the fact he leans into the aesthetic with gusto.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Tepes,” praises Serafine through a hitch in her throat. She’s looking around the foyer with a wistful kind of wanting; a small sparkle held in her eyes that has nothing to do with the lavish decor and everything to do with the invisible hand squeezing her heart up into her throat.

Given recent events especially, the vampiress is no stranger to grief and longing.

And Vlad beams like the way she speaks is more of a compliment than the words themselves.

“Only the best for the best of us, as I’m sure you remember.”

“All your earlier words about the Order, yet you insist on throwing your bal masqué.”

“It is specifically because of these troubling times that we must continue with our most important traditions, Serafine!” He feigns shock with a hand on his chest. The ice in his tumbler tinks together delicately in his grasp. “I thought you, of anyone, would agree.”

He’s goading her and getting more obvious in how he does it by the second. She’s taken it with grace up until now but there’s a tight edge to her tone starting to chip through her armor.

“Tradition, in times of war, can be put aside if that’s what ensures it has chance to be continued.”

“When are we not at war? The Order is no less vicious now than it was before…” He stops and sips his drink again. Casting a passive appraisal around the continued decorating.

“Unless,” with a click of his tongue, “there is a different war you speak of.”

Nadya doesn’t know what’s scaring her more right now; the fact that Serafine had let something that dangerous slip to begin with or the fact that Vlad had caught on so easily. She risks a look at him out of the corner of her eye… much to her relief his sights are still set on Serafine.

An easy grin curls his mouth. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment; let me make sure the parlor’s been made to greet us.” And when he takes his leave of them off to the right and around a set of double doors there’s a saunter to his gait that wasn’t there before. His smugness lingers in the air like a bad perfume.

The moment he’s out of earshot Jax rounds on Serafine with barely-restrained frustration.

“What the hell are we playing his games for? We don’t need to do any of this to find out what he knows.”

With pursed lips Serafine continues to watch the preparations taking place around them. Jax’s frown deepens.

“Serafine.”

“I heard you Jax, don’t worry.”

But that’s still not an answer. Before he ends up raising his voice even more, Nadya reaches out and lays her hand over Serafine’s where she wrings her fingers together at her waist.

“Serafine…” If only she didn’t sound as worried as she is; as the woman’s continued silence makes grow inside her. Serafine doesn’t push her away, but she doesn’t seem welcome to the touch either.

She finally lets her head hang with a weary sigh. “I had thought that given all that transpires around us, Vlad might have chosen to postpone this for the sake of his own safety.

“If not because of Gaius, then because of the Order.”

“Because they’ve been attacking more often, you mean.”

She nods. “But that’s assuming far too much of him. Cunning though Vlad may be, he isn’t very bright.”

“He’s certainly…” Jax’s growl drips with venom, “something.” Nothing good.

“So are we keeping with the plan?”

Squeezing the woman’s hand is enough to finally wrench Serafine’s attention back to Nadya. “No, we are not.”

Jax tenses. “Why the hell not?”

“Because this —” Nadya’s hand falls to let her offer a sweeping gesture to the foyer’s decorations, “— his bal masqué? It changes things. It changes everything.”

She says it in a way that has Nadya feeling like she’s missing a few key facts. She and Jax exchange equally confused glances, and make Serafine sigh heavily for it.

“There’s too much to be explained here. We must leave while we still are able.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that he knows who you are, Nadya.”

It’s like a large gust of wind blows out every candle in the room. Not literally — but the warmth of them is sucked from her bones easily enough. It leaves Nadya feeling hollow as much as she is cold; makes her wrap her arms around herself like that will somehow protect her. She shakes her head slowly… but the disbelief isn’t as intense as she would have hoped it to be.

“But he —”

“— is a performer before he is anything else,” interrupts Serafine; and she’s not wrong. “While he may not have guessed you would be at my side tonight, he has likely known your face and who you are for as long as Isseya and Antony have.”

“So Gaius has been in contact with him then.”

Serafine doesn’t even have to give Jax a verbal response.

“Then we need to go. We need to leave the city; regroup somewhere else.”

“We’ll take our leave of him tonight, yes… but—” —there shouldn’t be any ‘buts’— “—we will be back. We’ll be here for the bal masqué, with the others; and, Goddess-willing, better prepared.”

Uhm… what?

“Why the hell would we do that?” And Jax just barely manages to check his volume, though he’s no less angry. “It’s a party for fucks’ sakes. What’s the big deal?”

“Not here.”

The swordsman throws a look over his shoulder towards the doors Vlad should be coming back through any minute now. “He’s not just gonna let us leave. Especially if —”

Especially if he knows.

But Serafine seems to think otherwise.

“He will. He knows we’ll return; I would even hazard to say he is counting on it.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Unsurprising.”

Before he can try and push the issue Serafine wraps a strong arm around Nadya’s shoulders and all but shoves her towards Jax. “Take her and go. I will deal with Vlad and give you what time I can.”

He just barely manages to catch Nadya before she falls into him. Reaching out to steady her and make sure she has her feet before rounding on their companion. “What the he—”

But he’s too late. Serafine is already five long strides away — far enough that he’d need to raise his voice to catch her. And they both know he won’t take the risk in alerting Vlad’s house staff. They’ve all been dutifully working this entire time, but if the woman dusting picture frames or the couple laying down ornate Persian rugs are anywhere as deceptive as their boss they may be ready to strike at any time.

That thought does not sit well with Nadya’s meager dinner.

“We should try and leave.” While we still can.

His jaw visibly tenses, but already he’s starting to slowly nudge the pair of them back through the open doors. “Fine. But she and I aren’t done with this.”

They catch the distant sound of Serafine’s laugh just as they walk through the doorway. The cold bites Nadya’s hands and face harder than before but sheer panic is more than enough to keep her putting one foot in front of the other. When they’re out of the building and back in the darkness, Nadya and Jax don’t hesitate to pick up the pace. Any faster when they hit the gravel and they’ll be full-on running into the night.

Well… they are running into the night. That’s the point.

“What’s with all the vampires on this freaking continent and the fact they can’t give a straight answer to save their lives?”

“Well they can’t all be like you.”

At the glower he gives her Nadya just barely manages a smile through chattering teeth. It definitely helps her feel less panicky.

“And that means what exactly?”

“They can’t all be bold Americans, obviously.”

Jax groans, fully under-appreciating her brand of awkward humor, and takes Nadya’s hand to bring her along as he speeds away.

[drsohinisastri]

Mula Nakshatra: Revisit of Mars Into Sagittarius

Exercise is a good way to work of this energy but also just let it out by screaming in your empty house. Continue to be 100% focused when doing physical activity and driving as unexpressed anger can rear its ugly head. We have seen too many reports of accidents and injuries already. Stay alert, let the energy out and use it to help others in need. The warrior poses in yoga is a good balance pose for activating the third eye nakshatra and alertness inactivity according to the best astrologer in Kolkata.

The warrior pose in yoga is a good balance pose for activating the third eye nakshatra and alertness inactivity. This transit will have the largest impact on Aries and Scorpio’s rising signs, and it might promote intuition, spirituality, and a desire to withdraw from the world for Aries rising signs. If you don't have the luxury of taking extended meditation classes or living in seclusion, you'll need to activate your action button. So make use of Ketu and Mula. Mars is finally moving into Jupiter's sign and the star Mula on September 18th, after months in Scorpio/Libra due to the retrograde this year.

 Mula is made up of nine stars towards the end of Scorpio and is the location of the galaxy's center which Western Astrologers refer to as the Galactic Center. The wonderful part of the sky looks like a white river in the night sky. Mula means “root” or “the center” and people who have a sun, moon, or ascendant lord in this constellation are very direct and do not like to beat around the bush. This is the core of the galaxy and it is ruled by Ketu who wants to get to the core of everything: hidden motives, events, core roots. Ketu is connected to past lives and Mula wants to tie up all the talents from one’s past lives and bring them together.

 It seeks deeply for the truth of existence. Mula's patron goddess is Nritti, the Goddess of Misfortune, yet she is born under the lucky sign of Sagittarius, which indicates she has the power to remove ignorance and expose hidden truths. Even though Nritti is associated with the pinnacle of material achievement, her nature is profoundly spiritual in her endeavor to transcend the domain of ego and self-centeredness.

 It will be interesting to see if our legislators change their minds as a result of this travel. This star can bestow power, influence, and material wealth, as well as magical abilities, but it frequently explosively unleashes its energy–as is the case with Ketu. During this constellation’s Ketu/Mars conjunction, the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened. As a result, it has a horrific proclivity for bringing out Ketu's most explosive and evil side, implying that detonating the material can point and compel one to the spiritual. Adolf Hitler was the embodiment of destruction, with Jupiter conjunct Ketu in this nakshatra and no balancing effect from Saturn. Let's hope the terrorists don't gain confidence in their mission throughout this passage, since this is exactly what happened on 9/11 according to the best astrologer in Kolkata.

Mula unites the energies of Jupiter and Ketu, resulting in positive spiritual transformations. With Jupiter's blessing, it can grant magical abilities to people in need. Mars is in a good position for in Sagittarius, which can lead to taking advantage of opportunities, gaining more education, wealth, and leadership, as well as becoming spiritual warrior philanthropic causes.

 Mars will be unaffected here, but later in the transit, around mid-October, it will be afflicted by Rahu, bringing out the darker aspects of trying too hard to succeed, hurting others' feelings, manipulation, and rabble stirring.

 The initial portion of Mars' transit into Mula on September 18-22nd can make you feel hesitant and indecisive, which can lead to self-doubt and a lack of courage. Mars will be stronger after September 22nd, when it exits the gandanta region (literally, drowning).

 Moving into one's spiritual warrior energy and serving humanity without ego is the highest feature of this trip. It can instill pride, strength, and the ability to speak the truth. If you have a Mars/Ketu or Ketu/Mars cycle and your ascendent is Taurus rising or Capricorn rising, you may be vulnerable to fire, electricity, or surgery. Nonetheless, the transportation will encourage political courage and boldness, and it may assist Trump more than Hillary. More truth will be revealed by the best astrologer in Kolkata.

Mars transits into Purva Ashada nakshatra from Oct. 8 to 26, becoming increasingly related to Venus, and we shall discuss this transit in a few weeks. ( Prash Trivedi, Ken Johnson, and Komilla Sutton deserve special gratitude for their contributions.

[picsofsannyas]

Interview with Veereshwar.

 The Shadow of the Whip. Wednesday. 1 December 1976

Veereshwar talks about how he came to know of Osho and the changes he feels he has gone through as a  sannyasin in the last month.

Maneesha: Can you talk about your relationship with  Osho? Often people feel that initially it was of a certain nature and that it evolves over a period into something different.

Veereshwar: Yes, I would say initially.. He’s always, always been really wonderful with me. I mean, he’s always given me lots of energy, a lot of love-energy, and I don’t know why that is. The first time I was here-and I was here just for the ten-day camps-I experienced, in a way, that he was courting me.  Courting is a less auspicious word  than I would really use, but he was drawing me to him and giving me a lot of consideration.

I didn’t come to India to find a teacher or to see Osho or anything, I wasn’t coming out of need..  I didn’t feel need at the time. So I think he was aware of that to-you know, that he wasn’t talking to someone who was in a lot of pain and distress. Then in the year and a half that its been since I was last here, I think that a lot of the structures that had been holding me together when I came the first time started collapsing more and more. This time I came out of need and it was a real struggle for me to come. I was definitely coming to see Osho.

I felt this time, although he’s been very loving with me in many ways, that he was much harder on me. He started with, instead of, “No, that’s all right-things will be okay,” he really came down very hard on some very fundamental aspects that he wanted to see reduced-out of the way.

For instance when I first came I just told him that I really felt I had lost all my self-confidence, I had lost my sense of authority, and I was presenting these things to him in a negative way. He was feeding them back to me as positive things-that that was really the beginning of movement for me.

So I feel a little more this time that he’s been like a Zen Master. And I see that when one comes here seriously, the best way to come here is as absolutely nothing, because that’s what is going to happen to you here anyway.  And any expectations you have about being something will soon be eliminated.  

I also have the sense that the more deeply involved I get with him, the harder it will be. Somehow the closer you come to him, the harder and more fundamental the issues are. So I feel a little less comforted, and I feel a little bit more frightened in a way about my commitment to him because I see that it involves this.

It’s absolute in a way. There’s no kind of way out.  I mean, if you’re going to be with Osho, that’s what’s going to happen-you’re going to get more and more immersed, and then you’re going to come to a deeper level of your resistance all the time.

There has always been, in my relationship with him, a level in which I was not relating to a person-I was just relating to a source of truth and I’ve always related to that source of truth. So when I came to Osho for the first time, I had no resistance to becoming a sannyasin even though I was involved with Arica. I’ve never created any problems for myself about that because I just felt like he was a source, and I had no resistance. I mean, I had a deep attraction to that source within myself, a priori, before Osho, but Osho somehow is the mouthpiece of it.        

Another thing was that Osho was really concurrent with the development within myself. When I came to India the first time, I had no reason to come and I decided-I made a conscious decision for the first time in my life-to do something without a reason-and also I had a distinct feeling that my heart was drawing me to India. This was before I even knew anything about Osho. So I came riding on my heart and with no reason...  which was a really appropriate way to come, and that’s of course the first message that he gave me.

I guess I have a fear of being really dependent upon him as a person in the world because he might die. Next time I come he might be in a glass case and you won’t even be able to speak to him at all, and I don’t feel like I can rely on my own personal contact with him at all. Firstly I can’t rely on that; secondly, I can’t rely on him being around very long. So I had this feeling that I want to get more deeply involved with him and, at the same time, be more autonomous from him.

Maneesha: See you feel that you’re learning that balance?

Veereshwar: Yes, that balance, in the West. I mean it’s incredibly difficultly in the West. People go through a lot of things here, but in the West the whole mentality is so antithetical to what’s happening here.. To what he’s propounding.

Another thing which he talked to me about was my need to improve-which is present in almost every moment of my existence. He put me in touch with that and told me to drop it. If I really could drop it, it would drop a lot of my ego. But that’s just totally intrinsic in the West, because their so caught up in it. I mean, it’s fundamental in the West, and particularly to the American mentality-progress, improvement.

Maneesha: See you don’t feel aware of him, or relate to him, as a personality?

Veereshwar: Oh, I find him incredibly beautiful, but that’s not a deep part of my attachment to him. I was looking at his hands last night-how fine..  He’s just an incredible looking man.

I’ve always had a feeling about him that, “Wow! I recognise this man from somewhere!” There’s a deep recognition. I’m sure it has something to do with past lives or something because it feels at that level, at that depth. I mean, it’s almost as if it’s me or something.  It’s difficult to me to say..

There’s something in me that defends against a   personal attachment to him. I’m in love with him at a deep level, but being personally attached..

There’s a story that he relates in one of his lectures about when the Buddha died. There was one of Buddha’s disciples who was just sitting there who wasn’t weeping-everybody else was freaking out and crying, and there was this one who didn’t cry.

He said, “Well, he’s not gone. He’s still here.” Do you remember that story?  He said, “The Buddha is not gone. He’s not any less with us now than he was before“.

That really stuck with me-that I want to be that kind of disciple. When he goes I want it to be all right with me. That two may contain some elements of resistance, but somehow I have this feeling that though I love to talk to him-even though I am greedy about talking to him as you know-I don’t want to base my relationship with him on that.

To me he’s a medium for relating to my own source, and I want that relationship to my own source to be strengthened through him, and not become dependent upon my relationship with him.

Maneesha:  Can you talk about the way you see Osho working on you indirectly-ways he uses other than when he is talking to you directly?

Veereshwar: I see him setting up a lot of things. For instance, with Amit.. I’ll be very careful about what friends I bring from now on! (Laughter). Because I feel that he used Amit, he used our relationship to instruct us. Quite literally he did that, and he also did it in many ways that I was barely aware of, by making me see a lot of things.

I have been living with Amitabh and  Amit and in a sense I feel their extremes and their processes and that has made It almost possible to not have to go through the same things for myself. A lot of things that they are going through, because they are going through them, I don’t have too. So there would be an example of Osho working indirectly.

Veereshwar said that waiting for three months for Osho’s reply to a letter he had written him from West had put him through a lot of changes-first thinking Osho was Ignoring him, and having to make his own decision about the issue on which he had written to Osho. He felt that was another way Osho had worked on him indirectly.

I hear a lot of people talking about certain significant points and coincidences and synchronicity’s, and one person will say, “Osho is doing that.” But my sense of it is that it happens around him as a function of where he’s at..  But it’s not controlled. People want to say that he’s controlling things, but somehow it’s where he is that creates what’s happening.

Teertha was telling me the other day that he felt in some deep way I lacked trust in my self. I feel what Osho gave me to do in those workshops is a distinct way of getting more.. relying more and more on that trust. (In a later Darshan, Osho told Veereshwar to be a vehicle for him, to be empty and allow Osho to work through him.)

Veereshwar went on to talk about what kind of therapy he does

Veereshwar: I’m really a teacher rather than a therapist and I teach in a lot of universities and adult education programmes. I tend to teach a process and in an evening I’ll put people through a certain process. But there are many processes-not just one. It’s like Osho gives many different lectures and in one lecture he will give one map of evolution and in another lecture it will be another map, and so I work with many forms.

Veereshwar was involved with Esalen and  Arica at different times, and had taken part in co-counselling. Before that he was a university professor of philosophy, and earlier still, involved in acting and the theatre.

Veereshwar: When I studied comparative religion I somehow knew that there was one religion, and many scholars have tried to formulate what that one religion is. I mean, the problem is not whether there is one religion but how to formulate it.

As far as that quest has been concerned-a purely academic quest-Osho was kind of a getting in touch with the state being manifest..  The stat at which religion is one.

Maneesha: So when you met Osho, was there no doubt in your mind from the beginning that he was the source of truth as you have said?

You immediately recognised him?

Veereshwar: Yes and I just glided in..  I mean, I just rejoiced.  I took sannyas because I wanted to establish a real connection..  I wanted to manifest the connection that I already felt.

Maneesha: Did the ashram seemed very different to you coming back this time?

Veereshwar: Yes, it did. It’s just bigger, more complex.. The ways of it are more fixed on the whole. I feel like it’s becoming more and more ritualised, the whole thing-of being around him. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when he goes, because he has so explicitly forbidden any kind of religious ritual being built up. It’ll be Interesting to see how we deal with that-with the fact that we’ve been told not to create an institution.

Maneesha: Do you feel that the presence of the groups has added something to the energy of the ashram?

Veereshwar: Yes, definitely.  One thing that attracted me so much to Osho was that all of us in the West who are working in these directions are kind of groping for something that we see “through a glass darkly“, and I felt that Osho was on the other side of the glass. That he really sees it, or that he really  illuminates what’s on the other side of the glass-what all this growth work is moving towards.

I mean all of us are intuitively moving in that direction, and I think that it’s totally right on of him to bring all those things that are moving in that direction and to give them clarification.

That’s what I loved about Teertha’s group-that this wasn’t just an encounter group; it was an encounter group with a really viable sense behind it of what enlightenment is.  Not just a kind of groping but it is really going someplace.

I see all the group work as very important. It’s the kind of median, it’s the half-way point, and it’s necessary for Westerners to have it. I love it. I think it’s the ultimate growth centre-to have the enlightened one there with all the sophistication of the techno.. Osho wouldn’t like that word.. but the existential technologies or whatever they are, around him.

That takes a lot of the strain off him, because when I was here a year and a half ago, he was the only group leader.  Now people get threaded through these processes, and then when they come to him, a lot is already accomplished.

A long time ago when I was in India I envisaged a kind of world university, a centre, an existential university, where people could come to grow. Arica was like that to me in a way, and this is even a little closer to that vision because of Osho.

Maneesha: Can you talk about your experience of the Encounter group?

Veereshwar: I would say that basically it threw me into complete confusion.

Maneesha: (laughing) You mean you weren’t in complete confusion before?

Veereshwar: (grinning):No, not in complete confusion..  Incomplete confusion!  I got in touch with a lot of things that I know about, having done a lot of work on myself and knowing the mind in a very subtle way.  I knew that more or less hypothetically, but I had it really laid on me.

Also a lot more in touch with defences against feelings, and ways that I prevent myself from really being who I am. Actually I thought I was further along..  I thought I was further along than I am, but I also knew that things weren’t right. So to know that things aren’t right in way’s that I thought they were, is a step, a good step.

It was one of the most unpleasant experiences that I have ever had. About half of it was really a nightmare for me. I was hoping that at the end of it I would suddenly emerge feeling wonderful, and that didn’t exactly happened either. Deep in my mind is the sense that it is appropriate, or the best thing is to reach some sort of plateau of feeling good. Again at a different level I realised that that’s not the case.

I got in touch with a lot of violence and aggression in myself of which I wasn’t aware. I used to have temper tantrums as a child and had done some co-counselling where there was a lot of pillow fighting, but I experienced it in a raw way this time, that it was very difficult for me to jump across the barriers-the barriers that keep me from experiencing those things. Sometimes I felt I should have done more in that way, but I just was the way I was and I certainly had the chance to look at it.

Maneesha: Do you think there is anything about the group that makes it different from a group in the West-the fact that group members are all sannyasins, the group is run by a sannyasin and Osho is nearby?

Veereshwar: Well, one has the sense that the ultimate cosmic order is nearby.. That though there is the chaos-as bad as it may be in the proximity of that little cell where you’re working-still the cosmic order is. So I think that it allows you to go further. It allows you to take a bigger jump.

Maneesha: So it felt to you to be a safer environment?

Veereshwar: Ultimately safer, though I felt I spent a lot of time feeling very unsafe! Just Osho’s presence, you know, and the discourses every day-very soothing and even a kind of nourishment of your essence, and then your ego is freaking out all day!  It’s a different kind of balance and juxtaposition of elements from anything I’ve ever experienced In West.

Maneesha: What do you envisage in the future about what is happening through Osho? Do you think that it’s really going to have ripples and expand out all over the world?

Veereshwar: Yes, definitely..  especially through his books. I can see it happening in California. When I first went back there, people hadn’t heard about him very much at all, but more and more people are turning on to him because he’s the real thing.  There are a lot of things that catch on in California, but I feel that Osho is the real thing. I mean he is really enlightened and he’s an infinite source.

I do have this hope that someday Indira Gandhi will become so obnoxious that he’ll have to come to Santa Barbara or something! I Think if it happened it would be incredible. On the other hand I see that his being here has a certain poetry to it-that you have to come all the way round the world to see him..  But he’s so remote, he’s a kind of distant star.

Osho is a master of theatre. I’m a theatre person myself and I refer to it in my letters to him as this God theatre. I mean, it’s   immaculate.

Maneesha: But what’s drawing people from California who are deeply saturated in gurus and spirituality already?

Veereshwar: That he’s a real star.. Because he is really enlightened, because California is tantric. A spontaneous tantric philosophy is happening in California, and people recognise it immediately when they read what he says. Corresponding to that is Osho’s upfront, no-bullshit way of dealing with sex.  That’s the first thing that hits people. “Well, he’s someone who is not brushing it aside.” Everybody is deeply confused about sex because they have passed beyond the conventions and the formalities, everybody has done it and they’ve done everything, and still it doesn’t make sense, but he is somebody who is  copping to all that and taking it further.

So that’s what he is known as in California-as the tantric master, and people vaguely associate Tantra with sex. So that’s the gross attraction that he has. But it’s good-Osho is Infinitely more than that, but even that is really something. Osho is the only one who is not in confusion about it or putting it aside.

That was my sense of him-he really sees that sex is an energy, and we are as ignorant of this as we were in the 17th century before the understanding of steam energy.  

Then as people get more and more involved in him, it doesn’t stop. He’s not just a sex therapist. You get in on that and then you discover another facet of him and another facet.

Maneesha: So you feel that people involved in growth will find their way  here as a natural culmination of the work they are doing?

Veereshwar: Well, the thing that I described to you before is that we are all working toward something intuitively, and that we see that thing “through a glass darkly“. What we see from Osho is a light coming from the other side of that, so the thing that has led us into growth techniques and has made us what we are, is drawing us closer to Osho. It’s just totally natural.

I mean I have three or four totally genius friends who are just here with me whenever I’m here, because they are here!  This is absolutely what are doing.  They’ll be here too, I imagine..  More big egos arriving from the West!  (Laughter)

[hihowareyawrites]

Did You Know I’m Utterly Insane?

Cross Posted from AO3

No pairing; Solf J. Kimblee character study

Summary: Solf J. Kimblee was not a man who was uncertain of anything, generally. He felt completely aware of everything he said and did. His refusal to continue his father's business, his eagerness to leave home, and his fondness for destructive alchemy- yes, it was never anything he was unsure of. But now and again, he did question his well being.

Solf J. Kimblee was not a man who was uncertain of anything, generally. He felt completely aware of everything he said and did. His refusal to continue his father's business, his eagerness to leave home, and his fondness for destructive alchemy- yes, it was never anything he was unsure of. But now and again, he did question his well being.

If nothing else he was defined by his savior faire- his uncanny ability to enter a situation and claim it, appearing dominating and submissive all at once. He would not hold the conversation captive, but rather steer it with small comments and gestures. It was something that made those around him captivated by his presence, and also, wary of his aura.

But of course, he knew what he was doing.

He would observe others, their empathy and their compassion. The way they felt for others. He wondered what that must be like, to see the pain of another person and truly understand what it is they were feeling. It was something he found trying. He'd given the effort as much as he could, he must feel some care for his mother (or so he thought), since he did intend to give her some of his income provided by the state.

But was it compassion? Or was he just repaying a debt he felt he owed her, out of respect? Respect was an easy emotion for him. He could acknowledge another person's ability or conviction, and he could respect them. But that didn't necessarily mean he cared about what happened to them beyond that.

No, perhaps he cared more for vanity and social status than he'd thought. The delicate thought and meticulous eye he would give to his appearance was unlike the passing glance offered to those suffering around him. But he couldn't understand what he was supposed to feel, then.

He did feel however, anger. He had a reservoir of bitterness welled up in the black of his heart, something he felt could devour him from the inside. He had no desire to truly help people. Some might credit it to late teenage angst, or perhaps a typical anger issue distinctive of young men. But he didn't find either apropos.

The creation of his alchemic specialty was with that distinction; that he had no internal drive to aid the masses. It would get him nowhere, he felt. Of course he was capable of preforming standard alchemy, he could do it if he needed. If he wanted. But he didn't want to.

He channeled the frustration, the apathy, the anger, the distaste for things around him, for people, into his work. Maybe it was because his father pushed such a rigid lifestyle on him. Maybe it was because no matter how hard he saw his mother work, she could never get ahead. Maybe he was just born with a natural affliction. The reasons didn't matter, the results did.

When he'd first arrived in central for his exam, he found it was a much different place from his small hometown. It was large, it was loud, it was a city. It had the capacity to house so many, but were those on the streets then, the remainder? He'd passed a number of homeless people, starving and cold and sad- and he found he felt nothing. No concern to help them, no desire to do more. He only thought it was the way of nature, survival of the fittest, and moved on. He felt nothing.

It occurred to him that perhaps, his view was unnatural. Perhaps his lack of concern for others wasn't standard, and he felt for the first time ever, a sense of inferiority. What genetic trait was he denied that allowed others access to an emotion he couldn't attain? What sort of defective make up did he have that rendered him unable to feel and act as everyone else does? He'd never an issue with memorizing algorithms or music or languages, and yet the simplest task of all was something that would not come easy to him.

But he could pretend it did. He studied them, the people around him. The ones in the large central office, the ones he passed on the street, the ones who sat near him in wait. He studied them all, and carefully built a persona.

When it came time for his interview, he imagined what each of his emotional models would say- how they would react. His skills were enough to award him a rank of major, a coveted watch, and a unique title. But he applauded himself on his ability to fit in with the masses. He allowed himself a sliver of haughtiness, that they did not truly know the man they had employed. He considered they had seen through him and simply did not care, but his ego preferred the former.

He did however tell them of his indifference to committing murder on behalf of the state, how it was a duty he would gladly uphold for his military. They praised him for his candor, and his loyalty. This seeming confession of psychopathy was overlooked. This confession meant nothing.

He found these brief moments to be the most rewarding; the only time where he truly felt like he might be happy. Deceiving others, earning praise, things that others may find unbecoming traits.

In training, he found his objective difficult. Many of the tasks were laden with bouts of heroics. Saving this civilian, protecting this city, et cetera. He found it banal if nothing else, but moreso uninvigorating. Why should he care if one more person were to die? Or perhaps one hundred more? What could they possibly offer, if they hadn't the will power to keep themselves alive of their own accord anyway? He hadn't become a state alchemist to be a charity worker, he had become a state alchemist for... now what was the reason again? It didn't matter, he found comfort in being apart of something.

While reading one night, he came upon studies of sociopathy and psychosis. He tried to separate himself from them, but found it harder as he skimmed the psychology book further. Yes, perhaps he did relate to this- perhaps his feelings were symptomatic of personality disorders he'd only known in passing until now. But should that make him a bad person, if he was suffering from an illness of the mind? Some may applaud him for seeking a normal life anyway. He applauded himself. He was twenty three, and doing well enough.

Still, there was a dull ache in his chest, for something more.

Only a few years later, they were being sent to war. He found purpose in his orders. They were giving him a command, a standard to perfect. It didn't matter what the order was, he was determined to be the best at it, regardless.

His new favorite hobby was walking down the streets, post-destruction, and admiring his own work. There was the exhilaration of the act of course, but there was nothing quite like enjoying the afterglow of the efforts either. He'd liken the entire experience to sex, but without the obligation of human connection after. This experience was all he needed to feel alive. He wished the war would go on forever, that he could live this way for the rest of his life. Every day would be a new opportunity to best himself, and he would seek enlightenment with every attempt. Yes, that would be ideal.

He tried to make acquaintances, to associate with living people, but none could understand him. It wasn't that he wanted nor needed to be understood, but he desired some sense of comradery with anyone here. Even though the uniforms on their backs were the same, he felt as though he simply had many enemies he could not and should not target.

When he was handed the stone, a tangible shard of human souls, there was an immediate connection. This small crystallized object, formed from human suffering, had more in common with him than any of the people around him. It existed only to cause chaos. It too was burdened with a tempest of agony, and he used it to inflict the same on those around him. This stone was truly the only thing that he understood, that understood him. It too existed merely to cause suffering.

He'd not be separated from it. He took their lives solely to preserve his possession- it's possession of him. He held out his hands promptly, to be cuffed. At the movements of his arms those around him recoiled, knowing full well what his hands were capable of. Surrender however was not a known attribute. He stood on trial and accepted any guilt. He did not flaunt it, he simply agreed. His assigned lawyer threw down his papers in frustration; why must this man cooperate with the jury and not his own attorney? He admired his new home, a stuffy, dark and damp cell, and shrugged off the gnawing feeling of claustrophobia. Surely, this is where he would spend the last of his days. He would be handed the death sentence eventually, right? It was only a matter of time.

And then 6 years went by. And there was nothing. Truly, he would be left to rot here. He announced full guilt in the crimes he committed, and they allowed him to live. This confession, too, meant nothing.

There was an emptiness growing in the pit of his stomach, so deep he thought the stone would become lost in it. What is all of this for? What was any of this for? He couldn't remember now.

And soon he was released. With bravado and a false sense of self entitlement he announced his deserving of freedom; truly, if they would release him after all this time, he had earned it. But there was still a confusion, a lack of certainty. What his goals were, what his plans were. He followed orders diligently, set himself to one goal and chased that goal. Chased it until it impaled him through the side. Chased it until it dared make him feel humiliated in front of dozens. Chased it until he was told to give up, and focus on something else. Failure was a new feeling.

Or, it was until it started to occur again and again. And then he began to realize that he was never succeeding at anything. The praise and acclaim he had earned in Ishval meant nothing. Now, he was unable to accomplish any given task. He stood in apoplexy until the order was given to rescue Pride, and he decided he would not fail again.

And though hard he did try, he found himself truly recounting his life's purpose as he lay on the ground hemorrhaging. His life force escaping out his throat and onto his tailored suit. In this moment, he confessed his crimes and his failures, to himself. He recounted them and, for the true first time in his life, felt regret. Regret he had not accomplished more. He realized then, while he had confessed his crimes to others, he never truly had to himself. And upon doing so found he was remorseless. And found that aside from orders given from others, his actions were without goal or purpose. He realized, only now in death, that he had never truly had free will. His conviction was a ruse, he acted only on the conviction of others.

"There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. "

Solf J. Kimblee was not a man who was uncertain of anything, generally. Except for his own identity and reason for living, he questioned only when it was too late.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @makingboyscry

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. the moon has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around understanding your feelings and emotional growth. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your family, career life and also your communication and thinking style.

your dominant planets are saturn, uranus and the moon. you are highly motivated, you have defined goals and big dreams in your life, and you strive to achieve them. you're hard-working and dedicated, but you don't lack feelings either. in fact, you're probably very emotional and empathetic too.

your dominant sign is aquarius. you're eccentric and rebel, you don't like being told what to do. you're very considerate of others, as you focus more on the development of a group rather than your persona. that's because you want the people you frequent to be as open-minded as you are. aquarius people are capable of elaborating different ideas in a short amount of time; hence, you either overwork yourself, or you're not able to keep up with all your ideas, leaving projects unfinished.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in cancer, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

with your ascendant in the sign of cancer, you appear way more sweet and approachable than your aquarius sun, which is obviously very beneficial for you. being a water sign, cancer risings individuals are very intuitive and emotional, and that is exactly how you approach the world. you rely more on your 6th sense rather than logic, and mixed with your libra moon you're extremely considerate of others. you probably don't relate much to aquarius stereotypes, because while your sun is more cold, the rest of your chart is extremely sensitive. you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since cancer is ruled by the moon, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable. you could also have frequent mood swings. you have a strong sense of family and comfort to you, and hence it's extremely essential for you feel at ease to truly be yourself. let's suppose you're with a group of friends, and they suddenly bring someone with them that isn't very nice; you would probably get very stiff, and your mood would immediately go down. you also tend to be like a mother / sister to others, you hardly ever have superficial bonds. physically, since cancer is ruled by the moon you may have very round and big features to you; you could have big, watery and round eyes with perfect lashes, a button nose, plump lips... but in your case, there's still something very sharp about your apperance, like a jawline, cheekbones, or even your nose. in addition, you may be averag or tall height, and you could bloat easily. you may also have long limbs.

cancer ascendant square libra moon: you may have troubles understanding others’ real feelings for you. you may feel as if everyone hates you, like everyone is talking behind your back when it’s the opposite. you’re particularly sensitive about others’ view and opinion of you, you may get deeply hurt when people criticize you. you could have the tendency to act differently than you usually do, in order to preserve your feelings. this is obviously a toxic behaviour, that fills you up with your own stress and doubles it. due to that, you may become very moody and nervous, ending up hurting others yourself. or maybe, it’s the other way around; your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t hide them, and that could put you in embarrassing, unpleasant situations. you may show all of your emotions on your face, ready to be read, therefore you end up feeling ashamed of your own emotions. the way to cope with this placement is finding someone similiar to you; someone who’s trust-worthy, and very sensitive and empathetic too. someone who’d never judge you for you think or say, and that would always help you becoming the best version of yourself. someone that understands you, without having to explain all of your behaviours and habits.

cancer ascendant square aries jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also softens your rough aquarius image, making you look more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may be depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

🌞 sun in aquarius, 6° / 1st decan ruled by uranus

this is the most intelligent aquarius decan. even though you may face some insecurities, you’re typically a strong-minded person. you strive for independence, as you focus your existence on your witty intellect. you have the ability to achieve great things, as your mind is literally revolutionary, even though you may struggle to make those projects concrete. another downside to this placement is that you may not give enough importance to your words; you’re brutally honest, and you may often hurt someone with your thoughts. even though you may appreciate it, as you don’t like it when people aren’t straight-forward, you probably don’t realize the effect your words can have on others. you’re also quite stubborn, and you take particular pride about your ideals. you may feel offended when people disagree with you. or maybe, you don’t even say your opinions, because you could be aware of the weight of your words and you don’t want to hurt others, or you’re afraid of being judged. people may define you as cold, but thanks to your cancer rising you seem way more easy-going and approachable.

aquarius sun conjunct aquarius mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy sagittarius dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

aquarius sun square taurus saturn: during the first years of your life, you were most likely very insecure, and hence you hid your true self in some way. probably, your father or any kind of authoritative figure influenced your growth, making you self-conscious about your looks and abilities. they might've been really strict, or at least critical or overprotective of you. you feel the need to be perfect, or at least to meet others' expectations. you may also care too much about what others think about you. you may be a late bloomer, and you could face some hardships in your relationships, but this gets better with time. this probably manifests in your approach to friendships and relationships, or perhaps even in your career choice or reputation, making you quite awkward. don't worry, though; as you become more aware of yourself and your potential, saturn's lessons won't seem so harsh anymore.

aquarius sun conjunct aquarius neptune: this placement is the #1 reason you're different from other aquarius suns. in fact, neptune makes you way more soft and dreamy. you're an avid daydreamer, you’re amazingly creative and imaginative, and you have the ability to picture your ideas. this is an amazing talent, in fact most artists have neptune placements. the downside to this is that I’ve noticed that you may have the tendency to lie. you don’t do it out of cruelty of course, it’s a sort way to protect their ego. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else. you may even feel as if there's something wrong with your mind, as you just wish you could be like others. on the other hand, you're extremely compassionate and considerate. you're emotionally intelligent, and this mutability of yours could make you succeed at many different jobs in your life, as it's very easy for you to adapt to and master new things unlike other aquarius individuals.

🌙 moon in libra, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

the most independent and intelligent libra decan. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant. ironically, you struggle to keep the same balance in yourself, though. you may appear a bit emotionally cold, as you don’t feel comfortable showing your true self due to your secrecy. you come off as kind of analytical, but you’re actually very romantic. you wish the world was just filled with love and peace, and you that you didn’t have to worry about malice or anything of that type. you hate vulgarity, and you try to be as kind as possible with your words, even though you may be too straight-forward and fail at that. even if you’re an introvert, you may know a lot of people. yet, you have troubles actually creating close bonds with others. you basically have more acquaintances than friends, probably. you’re a nice mediator, you know how to get along with others and make others get along.

libra moon opposite aries jupiter: you enjoy making different experiences and living your life to the fullest, making you also a risk-taker. you may lack self-control, especially with your unpredictable aquarius dominance. with this trait you get bored easily, and you may have a reputation for being flaky. you tend to overindulge; you may spend too much money, or even develop eating disorders like binge-eating. at least, you're able to build your life again and have a fresh start, but you risk to get stuck in this cycle. you have the potential to master different talents, but you may struggle to develop them due to this placement. you're a procrastinator, and you find it hard to focus on more things at the same time. you may also attract people with different beliefs and ideas from you, causing you to fall out with them easily. there are also positive sides to this placement, though! you're probably naturally lucky, even though luck may not always be by your side. you have a nice sense of humor, making you more likeable together with your cancer rising.

🗣 mercury in aquarius, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by uranus and

mercury is exalted in the sign of aquarius, so this is definitely a beneficial placement! you have a very distinctive way of thinking and speaking. you don't like being like others, you don't follow trends. you're probably the trendsetter, and you may find confidence and pride in your ideas and opinions. some may even define you weird, but you have very strong beliefs that could actually be helpful for the world. you're quite 'ahead' of others from this point of view, you're able to find beauty in things without being influenced by others. for example, you may follow a fashion trend before it gets viral. you are able to come up with very innovative ways of solving problems, you're extremely creative. you may even be the type to invent your own words, or perhaps you love learning and reading new words, you have a wide vocabulary. you're also probably interested in science and any darker or logical topic, you want to use your words and theories to change something in the world. you want to leave an impact, maybe even help others through your mind. you have a very witty sense of humor, you most likely speak fluent sarcasm and you're also very astute. I would say that the only problem with this placement is that you may come off as a know-it-all, especially considering that aquarius is your dominant sign. you're proud of your intellect, you can't help but show it off, but obviously others may be jealous of you or feel attacked. for your voice, I assume you have a very particular tone, maybe even a nasal voice.

aquarius mercury square taurus saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your aquarius energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking more in school, perhaps you could apply for class president. anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in capricorn, 2° / 1st decan ruled by saturn

you seem like the type of person who's not totally into the idea of love and relationships, especially in your early years. you find your individuality way more important, and you feel the need to establish your status in the world. yet, there's still a place in your heart that desires love, but it's quite hidden. maybe, you're actually afraid of falling in love; or perhaps, it's the opposite: you jump into relationships, even if they weren't actually your priority. it may be hard for you to fall for someone, but once you do, you're totally invested in them. you're quite of a traditionalist when it comes to love; you may the type that prefers being courted, rather than court yourself. you're also quite into clichés, and you're looking for a polite and ambitious partner. someone who has a stable job, and is also wealthy. basically, someone that looks (and possibly is) rich and noble. you may also have the tendency to date people that are older than you, and possibly also soulmates from your past lives. in fact, you attract many karmic partners that are here to teach you lessons. your relationships may be quite painful, or at least they're so intense that they are hard to forget. with this placement, it's also recommended to get married after your saturn return, hence after your 28-29 years old, to avoid any kind of challenges.

☄️ mars in pisces, 17° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

you go with the flow. regardless having since you have a strong hectic, logical, aquarius dominance in your chart, your pisces mars does the opposite. in fact, you rely a lot on your intuition rather than logic, or in the best case you know how to balance this out. this may make you appear as submissive, sometimes, as if you can’t stand up for yourself. you’re actually a very spiritual person though, who thinks deeply before acting. you’re not impulsive, you’re aware of your actions, but at the same time you’re ready for eventual changes in your schedule/routine. you have no problems improvising, you’re very versatile. the problem is, you may rely so much on your intuition that you don’t take action. you’re the type to fantasize about being a better person, rather than trying to become one. you may also have the tendency to be passive-aggressive and avoid problems; you may prefer being cold to someone rather than trying to work your argument out.

pisces mars square sagittarius pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or any authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your aquarius energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common aquarius.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in cancer. the first house rules the exterior, while the moon, cancer's ruler, rules the inner part of yourself. that means that the way you look depends on how you are inside; if you're sad, you may have this very depressed look not only on your face, but also in your eyes above all. or perhaps, you could be the type to be what you eat, so you could gain weight easily as soon as you don't eat clean. you could also be quite weak, you don't really have high stamina, you'd rather sleep than work out, but being physical active is extremely important for you. you come across as someone very shy, and you most likely are, even though you give off very good vibes, you don't look snobby like your aquarius sun would. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 4th house: you are most likely a very maternal individual. you probably love your family, or just the idea of having a family in general; you could be the mom friend of your group, as you come off as someone very nurturing.

your 2nd house is in leo. your self-esteem depends on matters like money, possessions, as well as your influence on others. you may feel confident when you're praised and spoiled with compliments and material things, you may enjoy being in the spotlight as it increases your self-confidence, even though you're quite shy so you don't feel very at ease. you feel confident when you're able to earn money and you're financially stable, and hence you probably felt guilty as a child to ask your parents for money for example. you probably love luxury, you aspire to become very wealthy, live in the house of your dreams, etc. you could also dream of becoming famous. and actually, with this placement, you could make money from leo-related matters, and hence being in the spotlight, creativity (especially theatre / drama), comedy, etc. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 7th house: you could possibly gain money through your marriage, and hence you may marry someone very wealthy. or perhaps, you gain money from other people in general, and hence your future job will involve social interactions.

your 3rd house is in virgo. you're very precise and polite in the way you express your thoughts. you're probably very careful to grammar, vocabulary etc... you love looking and being knowledgeable. you're more a logical type rather than an intuitive person, you hardly ever do something only out of curiosity. you're very cautious about the decisions you make, and hence it could take you some time to finally choose something, but that's because you just don't want to regret anything. you think deeply about your choices, and most of the time they turn out to be right. you're strongly opinionated, but you may be a bit too harsh when you express your ideas. sometimes you could even hurt someone, as you're extremely honest. you don't like sugar-coating your words. you're also very intelligent and hard-working, and you can't stand messy things. you're probably very neat, you like having schedules and you may even keep an agenda / diary where you keep track of your appointments and other things you have to do. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 7th house: this is another placement that indicates that you'll have to communicate with others in your future career. you could become an assistant, for example, or maybe a stewardess... there are tons of options, what matters in that you get to interact with people, it would be the best career for you.

your 4th house is in libra, with also the moon placed there. your home environment was probably very pleasant and beautiful, both physically and emotionally. you may have a conventionally beautiful family, or at least they're particularly attractive and charming. your house may also be very well-designed and elegant, doesn't matter how big it is. you probably see your parents as ideal, they are your role models and you look up to them, even though they could have been a bit strict from time to time. it could be that you didn't argue often, probably because you weren't much rebel as a teen, or even if you discussed there was hardly ever shouting or even violence. you could have possibly also been quite spoiled as a kid. the ruler of the 4th house is placed in the 6th house: you may have a reputation for being very nurturing, like a sort of mother to others, a benevolent leader. also, your future career may include 4th house matters; that means that you could follow your parents' steps and work in their same field, for example, or maybe even follow their studies. you could possibly work with families, e.g as a counselor, or perhaps in real estate. you could possibly even become an interior designer, or you could be particularly talented at cooking, you'd make a great chef or maybe a baker too.

your 5th house is in scorpio. your hobbies most likely include self-expression of any kind, anything that you consider private is told through your creativity. also, with scorpio in this house, you may as well be attracted to darker hobbies like astrology, tarots... possibly, you may be into thriller or even into horror. you may also like psychology, criminology... this type of things that are able to stimulate your mind in some way. you could possibly want to be a risk-taker, deep down. also, you want to become a master in what you like, and hence you tend to go extreme to become perfect. you may dedicate a lot of your spare time to your hobbies, for example, even if you have to work. your romantic relationships may be very intense, you could attract particularly jealous or even obsessive partners in your life. some of them may be painful, but they'll be essential to become mature and grow up into a better, wiser person. in addition, I see you as the type of person who doesn't like showing off their partner. you probably keep both your love interests and hobbies personal, you only talk a little about them to your close, trusted friends.

your 6th house is in sagittarius, with also venus placed there as well. you are most likely very dedicated to your routine; you could have some workaholic tendencies, you feel the need to be perfect at whatever you want to do in life, even though venus here may mitigate this. in fact, you probably don't realize that you work more than you should, as you have fun at work and you also like taking care of yourself. if you're into exercising, you could be the type to workout everyday even if not necessary because it makes you feel good. or perhaps, you could literally skip your sleep just to finish a book you started writing. you're used to work hard, and hence you most likely do it with pleasure if it involves something you love doing. you try to be very productive in your day-to-day life, even though you don't mind including fun and relax in your routine either. you may have a 'light' work, that is you could turn an hobby of yours into a job, or perhaps you'll make lots of friends or even lovers on your work place that will make it more pleasant for you to go to work. you may also be very lucky, you could easily get jobs that offer a nice income for example, and your health is most likely good too. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 12th house: you could choose a career that allows you to express your emotions, the hidden you. you would do amazing as a psychologist, as it comes natural to you to help others, but you could also include spiritual or creative matters in your career. you could become a therapist that uses astrology to help their patients, for example.

your 7th house is in capricorn, with also neptune, the sun and mercury sitting there. this placement makes you very patient with other people, you could be the type to give other possibilities to others for example. capricorn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don't think it's totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they'll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years. in addition, you also have neptune in this house; that means that you may idealize your partners a lot. you may see them as perfect, but in reality that's just a version of them that you created in your head. your future spouse will most likely be very smart and talkative, and perhaps you actually strive in an environment where you get to interact with others. even if you're an introvert, you're probably passionate about social problems and you want to hear everyone's thoughts on them. with the ruler of the 7th house in the 10th house, you may marry a co-worker of yours. perhaps, you may even meet at your work place, or you'll work in the same field. your relationship with them may even boost your reputation and status.

your 8th house is in aquarius, with also uranus sitting there. you could possibly have an unexpected yet barely painful death, or perhaps someone in your life has died / will die all of a sudden, you may often experience scenarios of this kind. possibly, you could even die due to electricity, and or at least it will be a very fast death, I don't see it being violent or turbulent at all. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. that is, it could also happen with your money. it's important not to risk too much with this placement, especially with gambling, or you may end up getting in serious problems. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams.

your 9th house is in pisces, with also mars placed here. this is definitely a nice placement! the result is that you're probably extremely open-minded and imaginative. you hardly ever have have prejudices, you don't judge a book by its cover. you're extremely opinionated, and combined with your virgo 3rd house you're constantly looking for the truth. you hate it when people say something wrong for example, you can't help but correct them. you could also be religious and believe in a god. philosophy, literature and poetry are also a part of your many interests. in addition, you're most likely also into foreign languages and cultures. you could travel a lot, or perhaps with your pisces in the house cusp you like travelling with your mind. you probably literally create stories in your head, you're extremely imaginative. a good advice would be not to waste this talent of yours; you could actually make your fantasies concrete and express them through creative outlets: books, drawings, songs, choreographies... basically, it would be a waste to only keep them for you. mars here probably makes you love studying; you could be an excellent student, or at least you like being smart. you may also learn about more creative topics rather than school subjects. the ruler of the 9th house is in the 7th house: your future spouse may come from a different country from yours, or at least they're able to speak more than a language. they may also have a different culture from yours too, or you may directly meet them abroad. you could also meet them in college / university as well.

your 10th house is in aries, with also saturn and jupiter placed there. with your 10th house cusp in the energetic sign of aries, you need a career that allows you to be independent, you probably prefer working alone than in groups. or perhaps, you actually aspire to become a boss, a ceo, someone people look up to, and if you work hard you may actually become an influential person in your work place / field. in fact, with saturn placed here, at first you may struggle to find the job that is right for you. you may be indecisive about it, or perhaps you could come across some hardships regarding bosses or even payments. yet, this will naturally get better with time, as you grow up and make new experiences. your jupiter here points out that you'll be able to earn lots of wisdom thanks to your career, and hence you'd probably make a perfect leader, or even teacher for example. you aspire to be successful and you want to be wealthy thanks to yourself only, and you may actually develop some good luck in your career life, even though it may take you a while due to saturn's presence in this house.

your 11th house is in taurus. you could possibly attract people with taurus traits, and hence your friends could be quite stubborn and possessive, but also very loyal and responsible. they could possibly be wealthy, and they could have some artistic, creative interest and / or talent just like you. you may have some trust issues, you're careful about who you trust, an hence you're quite cautious about who you befriend. your long-term goals include financial stability, you may be quite materialistic as you enjoy wealth. yet, I assume that thanks to your water placements you're not as work-focused as other earth placements, you actually also value emotions and feelings too. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 6th house: your ultimate goal could involve being healthy, maybe following a diet or workout routine or just a routine of any kind. you may also befriend your co-workers, or your friends may work in your same field.

your 12th house is in gemini. the 12th house is the house of fears and gemini rules over communication, and hence you could be afraid to approach others, you're very shy. you don't like speaking in public either, same goes for expressing your opinions. you're always afraid that people may judge you for your ideas, your interests and for the way you speak. on the other hand, you're a quite spiritual individual. during your sleep you probably get to have lots of meaningful dreams, even though you may sometimes not remember many of them, or even none. it's a skill of yours that you'll be able to embrace once you finally wake up spiritually. as I've already mentioned above, you could have prophetic dreams and, with gemini's presence in this house, spirits, angels and other higher entities may try to communicate with you through your dreams or subconscious. you may also be the type to talk non-stop when you're drunk, and you may even have a habit of talking to yourself.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract capricorn, pisces, gemini, virgo, scorpio and leo. your future spouse will most likely have capricorn and pisces traits placements; they’ll be very intelligent, mature and hard-working, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. they could be very work-oriented, but they won't lack affection either. your chart hints that you'll most likely meet them at your work place, or perhaps on a trip abroad. they could be foreign, or even of a different culture from yours, or you'll just meet them abroad. perhaps during a business trip. your children will have heavy scorpio / aries traits; they'll be very active, especially physically, and astute. they'll be very attached to you and your family in general, even though they could get too possessive, jealous and immature at times.

👶🏻 family life

your father is a very fiery, impulsive person, with a short-temper. he could have even been quite violent with you during your childhood, and he might have a few childish behaviours. deep down, he's actually kind of insecure with his role as a father, but he may hate to admit it. he may have aries, capricorn, libra, taurus, cancer, sagittarius, pisces or scorpio placements in his chart. your mother, on the other hand, is slightly more submissive. she's mostly a peaceful and emotional person, even though she most probably has a passive-aggressive behaviour. she might've been a bit strict or overprotective. nonetheless, you could actually have a better relationship with her rather than with your father, or at least she understands your needs better. she may have air signs, cancer or taurus placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they're probably very peaceful, affectionate and intelligent. they may also be very kind, as well as organized. their rooms probably look immaculate. they could have virgo or gemini placements in their charts.

📊 career

with jupiter as your most elevated planet, I assume you would do well at any career that involves foreign languages. you may work for a multinational agency like the onu, for example. or perhaps, you could be a translator, or you'll just directly move abroad to work. you may also have to travel often. or perhaps, since jupiter is also about education, you could become a teacher or even a professor. you may teach foreign languages, for example, or perhaps you may even work with children, or just people younger than you in general. with that 9th house mars of yours, you love knowledge and you're also very open-minded, you'd definitely make a great teacher. you could also be great at writing too, but I feel like you need to be in direct contact with other people to truly be successful at work.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

your style may be quite androgynous, yet still very classy. even if you’re wearing a simple sweatshirt, you make sure that it’s all neat and high quality above all. you could fancy wearing basic, ageless pieces, such as blazers, jeans, shirts etc. you mostly wear monochrome shades, such as black, white, beige, grey etc., but you still make them look effortlessly trendy. you could also be into retro trends, especially 20s/60s fashion or even 70s or 80s.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were quite dependent of others. your life revolved around union and marriage, you completed your soul through your twin flame. this lifetime, you need to love yourself first before someone else. you need to understand who you are and what you want from life, in order to have a peaceful marriage. even though you may come across some hiccups, you'll come out of it as a stronger person with solid morals, who takes care of both others and herself.

🤔 major transits analysis / september 24th

next year juno, the asteroid of marriage, is going to be conjunct your vertex point, which indicates a point of destiny in a birth chart. that means that you may meet someone that could eventually end up becoming your spouse. or at least, it means that you’ll finally be able to take a decision and commit to something relevant in your life. it may be a job, a lifestyle etc. anything that you need to feel serene. also, the next few days could be very nostalgic and emotional for you, since transit libra sun is about to conjunct your natal libra moon. you could be thinking about childhood matters, or you just feel very tired and moody. you just want to close your eyes and lay on your bed, but hang in there, it will all go away in a few days.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

check my pinned post to book a birth chart reading like this one!! xx

[luna-flow]

Pick a card: What do you need to hear right now?

I’m back with my second pick-a-card reading! Look and choose the deck among the 6 which appeals to you the most! ✨ It is somewhat split into career/work, relationships (could be friends, family and love) and spirituality. Hopefully this resonates with you! I’ll really appreciate it if you reblog and leave a feedback too! 💕Let’s have fun! 

✨ Cards reveal! ✨

Pile 1 (selenite): 

Woah the energy is pretty low here. Seems like you’re exhausted, disappointments after disappointments, stress have been piling up and you feel like you can barely move now. However you really have to reflect, are some of these pressure and stress necessary and are you the one inflicting it on yourself? Go through your currently responsibilities and tasks, are all of them have be met altogether? Pause on those don’t need immediate attention on right now. Although now isn’t the time for your to reap rewards just yet, it’s the period for you to polish up your current tasks and yourself. Don’t lose hope, re-shift your priorities and tasks and don’t neglect yourself during the process. 

Disappointments and heartaches are experienced but it’s all part of your journey. Acknowledge those feelings and know that it’s time for healing. Also one crucial thing, don’t do everything alone. You can still heal with the help of others. It’s okay to rely on others! Reconnect with your loved ones and friends. Fill your heart with love from them. Also, this is the period you should be extra kinder to yourself alright? Slowly build your inner strength and find support from your surroundings. Don’t be afraid to reach out. 

For those looking for a more spiritual advice, now is the time to bring out your inner child! Be as curious as you can be. Be enthusiastic and energetic. Whatever you’ve been interested but never really gotten the chance to explore, now is the time to look more into it. Be more open-minded and widen your perspectives! 

Pile 2 (angelite): 

Gotta applaud your growth! Seems like you’ve been more toned down yet more confident. In other words, you became more mature. You aren’t as hot-headed before, yes you’re still passionate, driven and all but great that you recently attained the level of comfort and confidence within yourself. Continue with your stride and continue to put those energy on your work/career and tasks on hand. You’re on the right track. You got this. 

If currently you’re feeling iffy and unsure of a certain someone, just remember to do and focus on what is right for yourself and for the relationship. Whatever you’re doing right now will have great impact of the relationship. Don’t be fickle-minded. Having a good sense of moral is important here and don’t waver on what you believe in. You’re holding on well.  

Spiritually, despite being occupied with different aspects of your life, don’t forget about maintaining balance. Don’t expect yourself to be Mr or Miss Perfect. Your craft shouldn’t be too focused on one area or congested with too many things. Spread out your energy well. Remember to give yourself some space to take a break and breathe to prevent yourself getting drained and overwhelmed. What you present yourself to the world and what you truly are inside shouldn’t be too far apart. 

Pile 3 (Citrine):

Ease your mind my dear. I wish I can give you a hug telling you it’s okay. Take deep breaths, don’t trust everything that’s going in your mind. Try your best to empty it and ground yourself. Don’t hide yourself anymore, come out, step by step. Don’t be afraid how other people think and how they’ll look at your work. You have the creativity, potential and talent. Focus on what you wanna do, don’t entertain to intrusive thoughts and whatever blocked energies that’s hindering your creativity. Continue to polish your talents and work. You’re a gem that’s in the middle of being polished. 

It’s good that you’ve noticed and willing to work on the toxicity that you have with a certain someone. Learn as much as you can and communicate it out, ego and pride should be out of the window by now. Step by step, you’ll get out of the sticky situation. You have full control to improve it. This is a crucial learning period for you. Feel free to ask for advices from someone you feel is experienced and reliable. Everyone make mistakes and it’s your choice to learn and improve from it. 

Spiritually, don’t think of what you wish you can do in the future and you can’t do. Don’t neglect your current self. Self-love, replenish yourself with positive energies and affirmations. Think of how much you’ve grown and constantly thinking of how much you can improve. You gotta give credit for yourself too. Acknowledge both your accomplishments and potential. Also some past lives here that could be related to your current challenges maybe you can explore more into that. 

Pile 4 (Blue lace agate):

Your emotions are blocked at the moment. You feel like you don’t know what you want and what you feel. As if there’s no answer. There is but you’re not in the right state to access it at the moment. What have you been suppressing? Why are you in denial? Trust your gut instinct. Deep down you know whether it’s gonna work out or not. Now isn’t the time to take actions when things don’t appear transparent to you and when your mind is still fuzzy. Meditate or find ways to wind down and calm your mind to get in touch of your emotions and intuition.

Perhaps recently you have gotten too obsessed on results/success and getting what you want. Obsession bites back. You don’t always get what you want for a reason. Do you feel like you’re perhaps getting a little too materialistic and greedy? Re-evaluate on what really makes you happy, beyond the shallow wants. Think of what initially you’ve visualized and what made you feel passionate and liberated. Hints of relation of manifestation; detachment, not attachment. 

Spiritually it carries a similar message. You want perfect results and happy ending. You may have idealized something. Which is also why you tend to always feel like a piece of you is missing and prevent you from feeling truly happy. Currently you have all it takes to attain self-fulfilment. Time to be grateful and appreciate what you have at the moment. Your satisfaction might be just too near for you to even realize it. 

Pile 5 (Moonstone):

Don’t think too much about it and just enjoy what is presented to you at the moment! Keep your heads up and stay hopeful. Find joy in what you’re doing. Being stagnant isn’t totally bad you know. Sometimes you just have to live at the moment and not to worry too much. Don’t force yourself. Everything will be just fine. You’re overwhelming yourself my dear.

Another stagnant vibes with a relationship with someone. Take the time needed before any huge decisions. The break taken at the moment isn’t bad you know. Practicing patience now is the key. Let nature flows by its course, balance will restore by itself if you wait. Take a break and look at things from a different perspective, you might get an answer. This relationship shouldn’t jeopardize your other priorities in life. Some compromises and things may have to be given up for the better good. Perhaps it’s better this way to restore a level of peace. 

Spiritually looks like you’ve attained and overcame some hills to get to where you are at right now. Don’t lose momentum, don’t bother about those criticisms from others. You are your own judge. Just don’t lose your ground, stay in your lane and keep doing what you are doing. Success attracts jealousy and conflicts but you can’t allow it to eat you up. You’re stronger than this. 

Pile 6 (Rose quartz):

Now is the time for be more vigilant. Perhaps there is someone who thinks they’re smart enough to outsmart you and trick you. Beware of sabotage. Also, don’t think of breaking any rules or doing something that you shouldn’t due to your lack of foresight. Check everything, reinforce and be sure of what you wanna do. Don’t let people take advantage of you. Look for other ways to do things, be more flexible. 

It’s great that you’re healing of what’s holding you back. I’m proud of you already. Your fears, doubts and anxiety are at the previous chapter, not important at the moment. Now is the time to work hard and put effort with your tasks or with whoever you wanna improve or establish a good relationship with. Being focused and committed is the key here. Continue that grinding and you’ll be reaping your rewards soon! 

Spiritually, it’s time to lift your vibrations! Fill yourself and higher self with joy and love. Universe is supporting in whatever you’re doing and your path. All your dreams, your passion, your goals are all in the making. Healing and working hard at the same time. Lots of good energy here and don’t stop this drift! Busk yourself under the sunlight, pamper yourself, credit yourself, reward yourself, good self-awareness to raise all your vibrations!

[getyourblisson]

A Look At June 2020

A Look At June 2020

The energy of June is normally one of peace and feeling loved in the world.  One its own it favors relationships, marriages, unions, and overall brings forth success from our own efforts.  It shows us where our efforts are paying off.

However, this year has a bit more of a dual nature going on in June.  There is a bittersweet energy to our victories and successes at this time.  I equate this with finally getting something that you have worked for and wanted for a long time; and then finding out someone close to you has been deceiving you and manipulating you for years.  The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde energy that is known in traditional astrology to accompany the sign of Gemini is quite present this year.

In the more mystical realms, this energy equates to perhaps some sort of sacrifice that must be made for the victory; or lies and pieces from the past that surface at the same time a victory is coming through for us.  This can also be an energy pattern where our victory may feel empty in some way or there may be other hidden aspects or deceptions that have come with the victories we are seeing.  In the latter, we can relate that to an elected official who was elected by political networks instead of by the people; or someone that was recognized or promoted due to payoffs and deals instead of actually earning or deserving the recognition or promotion.

From June 1st – June 20th we have a strong urge to break free and be on our own. There is a strong desire to embrace the free spirit within us and to go our own way and imprint our own style on things.  It is likely, that we can certainly do this if we want to live a bit more frugally or simply in our life; and for many that is well worth doing in order to have greater freedom and to be the commander of their own life.  However, making such a transition during this time is also likely to be filled with quite a bit of stress and anxiety; especially if someone is not operating practically, responsibly, and able to fully trust themselves and the decisions that they are making.

Our rebel energy and desire to be successful is quite strong right now; and it is very likely that we can be successful at having our freedom, and being able to enjoy life more. Certainly the codes and the universe are in support of moving in that direction.  However, those things are rarely achieved unless we choose wisely and responsibly in that process.

Those that will be successful at doing this have learned to be happy on their own and with themselves. They are people that do not rely on others to make their decisions, and are not influenced or swayed by others. They also take solid steps, ones that will support them in getting there; and never too big of a step that they can’t handle it on their own.

There is no question that it will be a time of learning and/or teaching for those that decide to make this shift.  Sometimes it can be wise to engage the insights of a mentor to help us make certain we are covering all of the bases; however, that person should only be sharing insights, and not giving advice.  Again this is important since we do not want ourselves to be influenced or swayed by other; only for them to share their perspective so that we have the information needed to make a wise choice for ourselves.

This time period is about realizing what you can do on your own.  Part of being fully accountable for ourselves, our choices, and our actions; is to make our own decisions.  When we allow others to influence us or make decisions for us; we cut ourselves off from the blessings available to us.  Making our own decisions is part of how we learn to trust ourselves; and the more we do this through wisdom instead of programming, the more we generate a fortunate future.

From June 21st – June 31st our base energy patterns up to this point remain in action.  However, the flow of things shifts and movement is a bit more open than earlier in the month.  If we have been working well with the energies up to this point in the month, then it will feel like we are getting some lucky breaks in things.  They don’t feel as stagnant or on hold as earlier in the month.

We have the wisdom to see what is needed, without everything coming to a complete halt. Since luck will be a direct result of having made wise and reasonable choices on our own; we can trust that they will be legitimate.  We can embrace the good fortune knowing that our needs are being divinely provided for.

During this set of days we may also be called to trust in the journey or process of things.  Our human self wants to force things through; but processes cannot be forced, they must be experienced.  They key is to not allow ourselves to get wrapped up in worrying about what is coming through or not; but to embrace the journey that we are on; because it is the journey, and not the outcome that is what we need. What comes out of the journey will be far more than the outcome or destination that we originally had in mind.

In order to truly embrace a journey, we must be open to exploring a variety of possibilities and options.  We must pay attention to where we feel inspired, or what the muse within us is drawn to. It is about doing things for the sake of learning and trying new things; and not for a trying to get to a specific destination.  It is being open to the wonders, beauty, and blessings that will come from the journey; that may not have been anything that we could have or would have conceived or considered otherwise.  It is opening into whole new realms, possibilities, and deeper layers of understanding things that we already know.

In summary, honor the bittersweet experiences that arise.  Do not let the disappointments interfere with rejoicing in your successes; and do not let your successes be a way to avoid the feelings and emotions that come with what ends in your life.  If a victory feels or seems empty, then consider how you can accept something has come to be even if it is not based in truth.  How does it shift your concept of a victory?

Realize what you can handle on your own; and focus on that, taking on no more or less than that. Honor your inner free spirit, and find ways to break out of the mold of society and be more of who you are. Focus on liberating yourself in responsible ways.  Increase your happiness with your own self, as is in the raw; and not do to outside garnishing.  Know that your needs are being divinely provided for; and your actions and choices allow that to become visible in your life.  Embrace the journey without being wrapped up in outcomes.  Be open to exploring many possibilities and options; and do things for the sake of learning and trying new things, and not for a specific result.

I welcome you to embrace your successes, and to release what shows itself to lack truth and integrity.  Do not become wrapped up in the pain or loss, or be harsh on yourself for not seeing something sooner.  I welcome you to shine anyways.

I welcome you to consider how making your own decisions can develop trust with yourself.

I welcome you to find responsible ways of breaking free and honoring your own free spirit.

I welcome you to increase your happiness with your own self.

I welcome you to pay attention to where you are getting “lucky breaks” and to realize how they are directly connected to your choices and actions.

I welcome you to embrace the journey you are on, without focusing on outcomes.

I welcome you to be open to the wonder, beauty and blessings that your journey has to offer you.

  Actions to focus on

From June 1st – June 28th we are a in a strong period of learning, teaching, and exchanging information with others in order to support us and them on the paths that we have chosen for ourselves.  It is a great time to gather information and to connect with people that are able to support you and assist you in getting to where you are trying to go. These will be people that can not only help us connect with favorable opportunities or open doors for us; but will share with us how to open doors for ourselves.

It is important never to forget, that the true gift comes in learning how to do something for ourselves. The person that teaches us how to do that, or shares with us what it takes to do that, is a person that is truly invested in our well-being and success.  They are not just going to give you an “easy” ride, or do things for you; because they know that you do not experience success fully until you have created it for yourself.  The top teachers will let you rise and fall by your own choices.

This is much like a mother that is teaching her baby how to walk.  She may first hold them up so that they understand how their legs work; and this is something that is already innate in a baby and the concept is already present by watching others walking.  However, they are quite clumsy when they try to do it themselves at first. Then the mother encourages the baby to use tables and furniture or things to prop themselves up.  Then eventually encourages them to do without those aides.

The mother realizes that when the baby first works on its own with or without aides that it is going to fall and possibly get a few bumps and bruises.  However, she also realizes that she cannot walk for the baby; and that it will learn from its own follies, and all she needs to do is encourage it to get up and keep going.  Eventually the baby is fully functional on its own.

The mentor like the mother realizes that they are not to be there to teach the child everything at every step along the way in their life.  There must be other mentors and relationships to share the wisdom needed at different points.  A mentor without an ego, will allow you to fly unconcerned with whether they remain in your life or not; and will rejoice either way.  A mentor with an ego will try to contain you and be your only source of wisdom.  This is something for us to strongly consider when working with a mentor.

These insights are important because it is through the mentoring experiences that we have in life that we learn to take command of ourselves and our life in responsible ways, through our own choices, and that will help us to generate success and well-being in what we do.  Mentors are not someone outside of ourselves; but can be the Divine or God presence as well as our own soul self.  For some it will be their guides or angels, or even perhaps someone that has passed that they respected and appreciated their wisdom.

The key is that the mentor in any form focuses on helping us to come into awareness and existence in our wholeness.  They help us to become complete and shed light on things that may be missing or absent that need to be considered.  Their focus is on guiding you to walk your own path instead of trying to be or have what others are or have.  They encourage you to have your own successes, instead of trying to get the success of others.

On June 29th and 30th we are likely to take a bit of a break from being highly active in the world.  This is a great time for just doing some daydreaming, and getting out of heavy doing. This will be especially true if there is anywhere that you are “fighting” yourself or others.  Where the proverbial rebel is rising up, is where we need to take a break.  Step back and learn what is causing the rebel to rise at this time.  Is it impatience?  Is it feelings of wanting to skip over steps?  Is it feelings of wanting to be further along?  Is it feelings of frustration?  Is it feeling that you are not good enough?  Take the time to reflect on where that is coming from; as it might just be the piece that you need in order to move forward, or something that needs to be cleared before moving on.

It is in these set of days that are both connecting with our dreams and visions; and learning more about ourselves.  This is a time of particularly learning how to bring our dreams and visions into reality in ways that allow us to honor who we really are.  It is an opportunity to explore our triggers and how they are serving as a mentor to help move us towards success.

I welcome you to connect with those that can help you get to where you are trying to go.

I welcome you to remember that the true gift comes in learning how to do something ourselves, and doing it ourselves; instead of having others do it for us.

I welcome you to consider who is nourishing you to exist in your wholeness and to be complete; and willing to shed light on things that you may be missing or that need to be considered.

I welcome you pay attention to where your rebel self is rising up; and learn from what is causing it to surface at this time

  What to focus your thoughts on

From June 1st – June 14th our mind is in a space where we can learn things easier, and is more receptive to sharing and acquiring information; particularly as it connects to business and personal successes.  This time favors being able to get the ideas that can help us do well in our endeavors, and that can help us to bring a high yield for our efforts.  The mind is particularly focused on finding practical ways to implement things on one’s own.  That makes this a great time for entrepreneurs and those that are making personal breakthroughs within themselves.

Keep in mind that successes are not always about money or physical rewards.  Successes can mean standing your ground where you never have before.  It can be seeing something through that you have given up on.  It can be breaking through something that has been extremely challenging for you.  It can even be standing up for yourself in some way, or breaking through a fear that has held you back from doing things in the past.

It is important that at this time we come to our own conclusions and decisions on things.  We need to learn to work with what is in hand; which can often times mean getting creative or shuffling things around a bit. It is very important that the decisions we make are based on what we have in hand, and can do today; instead of what is supposed to be on its way, or that we will have at some point down the line.

Observation is our big key and tool right now.  Especially if we have any urgency patterns, we need to stop and observe.  All of the answers are right there in front of us; but to find them we have to sit in observation.  Look at what is interacting with what, and who is connected to whom, and how that information applies to what you are doing or trying to do in your life.  There is always a connection; but we often don’t see it until we are really willing to observe with our whole self.

This can be a great time to put our ideas into motion, as long as they are our ideas; and we are setting them in motion in practical and responsible ways.  It is important not to take sides, or get involved in other people’s drama; as that can call in danger and interfere with the successes that we are creating for ourselves.  Consider what needs to be brought to completion, and what your next step will be based on what you currently have to work with.

From June 15th – June 30th our mind is in more of a creative space than a logical space.  It will not be a good time for making major decisions, since it is too easy to miss the details.  This is however, a great time for brainstorming and gathering information, and just exploring different options that don’t require commitments now.  The mind is really ready for a bit of a mental vacation; so if you can give it time off from working on things, then that will serve you the best.

Most people will be coming from a reactive space, or possibly claiming that they are rebelling in the name of learning better.  In essence they just are not thinking very clearly; and because their mind is easily drifting off they are not hearing things or getting things completely.  In turn this leads them to react on a piece of something without even knowing the whole story or picture.  Do not give this much credit and realize that reactive people simply are not working from a space of wisdom or full information.

The mind is seeking balance and harmony.  It is actually seeking to have spiritually stimulating conversations, and conversations that stimulate wisdom and creativity simultaneously.  There may be a greater desire to communicate with others, or to share a message that one is passionate about with others.  The mind is most stimulated by experimenting with how to bring together fragmented thoughts into something complete.  It is stimulated by creating something new or whole from fragments or miscellaneous pieces of information or thoughts.

Some caution is needed during this time since it is likely to lead us to hear what we want to hear, instead of what someone is actually saying.  We tend to hang onto someone’s words instead of paying attention to whether those words are backed with anything more substantial.  However, this same flow of energy can find us getting very inspired or creative simply based on something that we hear or read. Likewise, our words can become a great source of inspiration.

We will do best if our communications are centered in creating balance and harmony; especially within one’s own self.  It is through balance and harmony that we are able to find freedom.  Relationships that start under this influence may come together by a sort of magnetic energy current or magical draw to one another. It is important that we give them time to find out if they are something real.  Again, we may be choosing to focus on what we want to see instead of the whole picture of someone.  However, it is possible that true soul connections could also come together due to be open to things that we wouldn’t normally consider; or communicating and connecting with people that we wouldn’t normally find ourselves talking with.

No matter where the connection ends up; it is very likely that we will learn something about ourselves from it.  Those that we do feel a magnetic pull or connection with during this time are likely to feel that way since the other person is stimulating our free spirit in some way.  This may be encouraging us to be a bit more impulsive, which can be great as long as we are paying attention to any danger that can be present in the situation. Unfortunately, under this influence we often don’t snap out of an illusion until we are in danger.

Nothing is as it seems right now, so be aware that no matter how clear something may seem that there are hidden layers and pieces.  While it can be exhilarating to be impulsive or spontaneous, it is important that we don’t allow others to cause us to be that way or influence our decisions. This is especially true where they are encouraging us to be rebellious in some way.  When we allow others to convince us to be rebellious, we create danger for ourselves and make poor decisions; and that can lead us into creating big challenges and issues for ourselves.  It simply is not worth it.  Actin safely spontaneous yes; but coerced rebelliousness no.

I welcome you to be receptive what will lead you to personal and professional successes.

I welcome you to acknowledge your non-physical successes, such as personal breakthroughs.

I welcome you to work with what you have in hand in your present space; and not a future point in time.

I welcome you to create new possibilities for yourself; and don’t lock yourself only into the ways that others have done things.

I welcome you to engage in soulful and spiritually stimulating conversations.

I welcome you to observe and give time to those that you connect with magnetically.

I welcome you to consider what you are learning about yourself from the connections you make at this time.

I welcome you to release the illusions in your life, prior to putting yourself in danger.

   Nourishing the soul

From June 1st – June 25th our soul really wants us to allow it to be in command with things.  This can be very scary for some people to do; because the human self likes to have proof, and does not like giving up control at all.  This is happening because our soul self has things to teach our human self; which can only be done through experiences; and through trust of the soul self and processes.

It is important that while turning over command to the soul self, that we implement the wisdom of the soul self through practical steps so that the human self can connect and support what is happening.  It is in the process of doing this that we experience unconditional love for ourselves, and allow ourselves to have what can be referred to as Divine or God experiences.  If the human self will allow the soul self to be in command, it will find great joy and peace from working with the soul self’s wisdom.  The experience of unconditional and soul love is a gift of peace and euphoria for the human self.

Often times our human self has no idea on the many great things it is missing out on when it doesn’t allow the soul self to take the lead on things.  Our human self is meant to keep a balance or express concerns as it relates to this dimension and the physical realm; but is not meant to truly control things or run the show, since it doesn’t have access to the whole picture like the soul self does.  However, when it allows the soul self to take the lead on things, it gets the opportunity to connect with the “bigger” picture at hand.

The soul self during this time is going to be focused on trying to keep us on track with what needs to get done.  It is asking us to look to it for making decisions, instead of to others or outside of ourselves for those decisions and answers.  However, it is also going to ask us to celebrate our successes, or connect with those that embrace us for being who we are; and support us being in our soul self.  In essence, it is asking for us to be practical in our celebrations, celebrate what needs to get done, and to make time for both getting through what needs to be done and having some peaceful time to celebrate what is going well for us. There is always something to celebrate.

From June 26th – June 30th the soul brings forth the importance of doing the work we need to do, and learning our lessons with things.  When we operate from the aspect of using the wisdom of lessons that we have learned from our experiences, we are able to transform and enter into new chapters of our life that can be quite favorable for us.  The soul self is asking us to lay to rest what belongs in the past; and bring closure to those chapters that are not a part of who we are today or where we are headed.  You are the only one that can truly decide which chapters of your life need to end, and which will be transformed.

Where we are unwilling to be responsible and bring closure to what no longer has a place in our life, be that a behavior, person, or situation; we can end up creating our own torment and challenging web to exist in.  We end up leaving ourselves in the hands of those that do not have our best interests in mind; and seek only to control and manipulate us like puppets for their amusement.  If we choose to live in the lies and deceit attached to our past, then we will open lines of competition with our own self and with others.  It will bring relationships and partnerships crashing down, and can place us at the mercy of others.

For those that are willing to stand up to those that are abusive and bullies under this influence, they will find new partnerships emerge with others that are loving and supportive.  There are wonderful opportunities at hand if we are doing the work that we need to do. This can be a very pivotal time for us, which helps us to transcend what weighs us down and keeps us locked into old patterns that do not serve us.  However, to get the benefits, we cannot play with the liars, manipulators, or enter into competition with others.

I welcome you to allow your soul self to be in command of things.

I welcome you to make decisions from Divine Principles and to honor the soul’s way of doing things.

I welcome you to celebrate what needs to get done, make the “tasks” fun and play while you are doing them.

I welcome you to bring closure to what belongs in your past.

I welcome you to stand up for yourself; and embrace new relationships that are loving and supportive.

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[feliciachapple]

50 Quotes for Mindfulness

Included in this blog post are 50 wonderful quotes for mindfulness which can guide your journey. Some are from inspirational meditation leaders like Jon Kabat-Zinn or Thich Nhat Hanh. Some are quotes from famous authors or visionaries from years past.

They all touch upon an aspect of mindfulness or bring focus to the present.

My advice? Go through the list slowly and see what speaks to you.

1. “Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, nor examples to follow, nor value judgments, simply lives, speaks and plays in freedom.” «—» Arnaud Desjardins

2. “We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us, day and night.” «—» Jack Kornfield

3. “Envy and jealousy stem from the fundamental inability to rejoice at someone else’s happiness or success.” «—» Matthieu Ricard

4. “By breaking down our sense of self-importance, all we lose is a parasite that has long infected our minds. What we gain in return is freedom, openness of mind, spontaneity, simplicity, altruism: all qualities inherent in happiness.” «—» Matthieu Ricard

5. “Our lives are lived in intense and anxious struggle, in a swirl of speed and aggression, in competing, grasping, possessing and achieving, forever burdening ourselves with extraneous activities and preoccupations.” «—» Sogyal Rinpoche

6. “Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” «—» Jack Kornfield

7. “To diminish the suffering of pain, we need to make a crucial distinction between the pain of pain, and the pain we create by our thoughts about the pain. Fear, anger, guilt, loneliness and helplessness are all mental and emotional responses that can intensify pain.” «—» Howard Cutler

8. “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing.” «—» Pema Chodron

9. “Why, if we are as pragmatic as we claim, don’t we begin to ask ourselves seriously: Where does our real future lie?” «—» Sogyal Rinpoche

10. “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” «—» Dalai Lama

11. “If one were truly aware of the value of human life, to waste it blithely on distractions and the pursuit of vulgar ambitions would be the height of confusion.” «—» Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

12. “Knowledge does not mean mastering a great quantity of different information, but understanding the nature of mind. This knowledge can penetrate each one of our thoughts and illuminate each one of our perceptions.” «—» Matthieu Ricard

13. “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” «—» Thich Nhat Hanh

14. “The basic root of happiness lies in our minds; outer circumstances are nothing more than adverse or favorable.” «—» Matthieu Ricard

15. “The mind in its natural state can be compared to the sky, covered by layers of cloud which hide its true nature.” «—» Kalu Rinpoche

16. “Observe the space between your thoughts, then observe the observer.” «—» Hamilton Boudreaux

17. “The practice of mindfulness begins in the small, remote cave of your unconscious mind and blossoms with the sunlight of your conscious life, reaching far beyond the people and places you can see.” «—» Earon Davis

18. “Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the small uncaring ways.” «—» Stephen Vincent Benet

19. “As long as we have practiced neither concentration nor mindfulness, the ego takes itself for granted and remains its usual normal size, as big as the people around one will allow.” «—» Ayya Khema

20. “Impermanence is a principle of harmony. When we don’t struggle against it, we are in harmony with reality.” «—» Pema Chodron

21. “If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” «—» Rabbi Harold Kushner

22. “There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.” «—» Anthony de Mello

23. “Our own worst enemy cannot harm us as much as our unwise thoughts. No one can help us as much as our own compassionate thoughts.” «—» Buddha

24. “We are awakened to the profound realization that the true path to liberation is to let go of everything.” «—» Jack Kornfield

25. “I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred. I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant.” «—» Ralph Waldo Emerson

26. “The way to live in the present is to remember that ‘This too shall pass.’ When you experience joy, remembering that ‘This too shall pass’ helps you savor the here and now. When you experience pain and sorrow, remembering that ‘This too shall pass’ reminds you that grief, like joy, is only temporary.” «—» Joey Green

27. “Always hold fast to the present. Every situation, indeed every moment, is of infinite value, for it is the representative of a whole eternity.” «—» Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

28. “Do every act of your life as though it were the last act of your life.” «—» Marcus Aurelius

29. “Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.” «—» Robin S. Sharma

30. “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that – thoughts.” «—» Allan Lokos

31. “Respond; don’t react. Listen; don’t talk. Think; don’t assume.” «—» Raji Lukkoor

32. “In this moment, there is plenty of time. In this moment, you are precisely as you should be. In this moment, there is infinite possibility.” «—» Victoria Moran

33. “Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).” «—» James Baraz

34. “Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” «—» Sharon Salzberg

35. “It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest as if it was the only one we had.” «—» Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

36. “Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca

37. “Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.” «—» Rumi

38. “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” «—» Amit Ray

39. “In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived. How well we have loved. How well we have learned to let go” «—» Jack Kornfield

40. “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” «—» Dalai Lama

41. “Suffering usually relates to wanting things to be different than they are.” «—» Allan Lokos

42. “If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” «—» Pema Chodron

43. “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.” «—» William Blake

44. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” «—» Thich Nhat Hanh

45. “Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn’t more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.” «—» Sylvia Boorstein

46. “The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” «—» Jon Kabat-Zinn

47. “In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.” «—» Eckhart Tolle

48. “When you realize nothing is lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” «—» Lao Tzu

49. “Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future; live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.” «—» Thich Nhat Hanh”

50. “As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy.” «—» Walter Landor

HOW CAN I USE THIS?

Now that you’ve read the quotes take a moment to take stock of what stuck with you most.

If you’d like, focus on one quote each day and incorporate it into your work, OR If you’re one of the people who are stuck worrying about the future or living in the past, focus on the quotes about the present and see what you can learn from them, OR pick five quotes that speak to you and try to find moments to use them every day.

The opportunities to add a little wisdom to your day are endless.

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

You’ve come to the right place. I offer plenty of classes within the Tampa Bay area for mindfulness, meditation, and yoga (including a FREE class on the first Sunday of the month on St. Pete Beach!!!)

If you’re not in the Tampa Bay area I offer online classes through a video conference application.

Corporate mindfulness meditation has been shown to boost morale in the workplace, as well as generate more creative energy, try it out for your company and see how much it can help!

WHICH WERE YOUR FAVORITE QUOTES? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS!

Original blog post from http://www.lotusheartmindfulness.com

50 Quotes for Mindfulness posted first on https://lotusheartmindfulness.com/

[lachalaine]

🔮? :o i love tarot sm...

TAROT READING WITH LADY J🔮

not accepting

1. THE PRESENT MOMENT / THE PRIMARY CONCERN

Card: King of Swords - Reversed

Summary: Wisdom and Integrity

Meaning: The King of Swords has reached the height of his professional life. A powerful person of esteem, he has honed his ability to control his mind and holds all people to the highest of ideals. His brilliant intellect generates endless energy while his reputation for fairness earns him the trust of others, especially when they are faced with difficult decisions. Though viewed as cold by some of his closest relations, his ability to forecast results and consequences far into the future makes him an indispensable ally. if you’re open to a fair decision ( even if it’s not in your favor ), his counsel will be essential.

Position Meaning: Selfishness, oppression, threat, callousness, stubbornness, scheming

2. THE CAUSE OF THE CHALLENGE AFFECTING CARD 1. A BLOCK.

Card: Temperance XIV - Reversed

Summary: Listening Within 

Meaning: We often look at options from an either or perspective, but Temperance invites us to consider that all things are possible, even when they appear to be at odds. Life is not static and neither are our needs – they vary across a lifetime and across each situation. Through listening and awareness, the universe reveals what your soul truly needs, not just what your ego wants. It’s not as complicated as you make it. If you can put your perceptions and impatience aside, you create space for alchemy. 

Position Meaning: Confusion, disharmony, polarity, excessive caution, competing interests, forced decisions

3. SUBCONSCIOUS INFLUENCES. UNKNOWN INFORMATION. THE DISTANT PAST.

Card: Four of Swords - Upright

Summary: A Quiet Space

Meaning: The Four of Swords is often known as the meditation card. It indicates that you have ( or have just gotten over ) a difficult time and you need to rest, reflect and reconnect with yourself. When we are troubled, our minds play tricks on us, imagining hopeful escapes or tragic demises. Quieting your mind is an act of humility which allows you to enlist divine intelligence - your true voice. It won’t make the problem go away but in the space of stillness, you can bring fresh perspective and invite new ideas to appear.

Position Meaning: An increase in stress, harmful persistence, busyness and activity.

4. THE RECENT PAST. A SITUATION THAT HAS COME TO A CONCLUSION.

Card: Four of Cups - Upright

Summary: Blind Disillusion

Meaning: A man slumps in a corner, brooding over his current situation. What once has satisfied him now brings him boredom and discontent. He wavers between self reflection and disillusionment but is dangerously close to melancholy. As he stews in his emotions, his ability to see another option is clouded. If he can shake the self pity, he will remember he has options and the bounty around him will start to become obvious again. When the Four of Cups appears in your reading, quit focusing on the empty cups. Possibility is closer then you think.

Position Meaning: Disillusionment, self-reflection, listlessness, ennui, emotionally stranded, stagnation, imaginary problems

5. THE PRESENT. CONSCIOUS BELIEFS. CURRENT EVENTS.

Card: Ace of Swords - Upright

Summary: Powerful Clarity

Meaning: As the root of the swords, the Ace brings a great deal of raw power and energy. A sword cuts through the web of scaffolding, holding up all the cloudy pieces of our identity: perceptions, conversations, facts, dreams and ideas. When the Ace of Swords appears in a reading, it means that a rare opportunity for clarity is near. It will cut through these subjective realities, revealing a truth, an insight or a new approach for which you have been waiting.  Pay close attention to your words and thoughts. Knowledge does give you power, but without a little reflection, it can quickly turn into delusion. 

Position Meaning: Mental clarity, a great force at work, a fresh approach, long-term success, determination, ambition

6. THE NEAR FUTURE. A NEW PERSON OR EVENT. A SHIFT IN ENERGY.

Card: The Fountain - Reversed

Summary: Be

Meaning: The Fountain exists outside and beyond the cycles of birth, death, time and form. It is the nameless, changeless source of which everything is a part. It is the waking from the dream of separateness and identity, and the recognition of one’s Self as not only connected to all things, but all things — divine nature. When The Fountain appears in your reading, relinquish all illusion of control, and remain quiet. It invites you to observe, master less, and to just be — effortless and indistinguishable from life. You are the voice and the breath of universes.

Position Meaning: Identification with a role or personality, fear ( of being alone ), mind-obsessed, separation from source, resistance to ( or denial of ) reality

7. YOUR POWER ( OR LACK OF POWER ) IN THE MOMENT. HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE SITUATION.

Card: Nine of Swords - Upright

Summary: Imagined Misery

Meaning: A man wakes from a nightmare, still caught in the shadows of anxiety. His fears, concerns, and regrets point sharply at him like sinister foes. His thoughts have piled up in his sleep, steeped in worry and doubt, creating a very intimate brand of misery. He can feel the darkness closing in. The Nine of Swords challenges you to sift reality out from the imaginary. Irrational thinking, like dreams, can become cyclical. Deal with the facts and ground yourself in the rational – your peace of mind depends on it.

Position Meaning: Imagined or inflated concerns, worry and anxiety, muddled thoughts, being overwhelmed, a crippling cycle, irrational suffering, sleeping difficulties

8. THE EFFECTS OF PEOPLE AROUND YOU. HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE YOU IN THE SITUATION.

Card: The Moon XVIII - Reversed 

Summary: Surrender to Darkness

Meaning: A vast ocean of mystery, danger, And illusion stretches out and swells over a pier. above and below, shadows seem to wait and watch. The Moon is the world of the unconscious and It can be both frightening and disorienting. There is nowhere to anchor and everything feels confusing and deceptive, though slightly seductive and familiar. Even time seems to be disappearing, but there is an urgency for you to move or risk being lost here forever. It’s not too late to turn back, but if you truly want freedom, you will brave the current and surrender to the waves of cosmic intuition.

Position Meaning: Instability, impatience, an unwillingness to be truthful, barren stillness, misplaced fantasy

9. YOUR HOPES OR FEARS.

Card: Strength XI - Upright

Summary: Passion Tamed

All humans have both peaceful and fiery energies as part of their design. Left to their own nature, the fiercer qualities can get away from us, creating imbalance in our lives. The Strength card shows a woman caressing a lion – her savage side. She is not interested in ridding herself of it, but rather in turning its gaze, gently and with generosity, towards useful partnership. Combined with her peaceful energies ( and mastered by her courage and inner strength ) the fiery energies come to her assistance, fueling and propelling her objectives to unexpected heights.

Position Meaning: Power through honoring all facets of the self, courage, self-discipline, respect, harnessed energy, transcendence, determination

10. THE MOST LIKELY OUTCOME.

Card: The Hanged Man XII - Upright

Summary: Surrender to Self

Meaning: A pivotal card in the Major Arcana, the Hanged Man has willingly stripped and suspended himself upside down, allowing his view of the world to alter completely. In this spiritual doorway, he relinquishes his ego and mind and experiences a timeless moment glimmer of clarity and enlightenment: his true nature. Calm rests on his face as he merges with the divine, peace that comes from surrender and trust. The realizations he acquires here will stay with him forever and cannot be unlearned.  

Position Meaning: A change in perspective, a committed time of self-examination, sacrifice rewarded by clarity, renouncing old ways of being, surrender of the “the known”, a search for Truth

BONUS CARD: THE CARD THAT PLAYS A ROLE IN THE ENTIRE SITUATION.

Card: The Lovers VI - Upright

Summary: Choosing Love

Meaning: We all have unexplainable moments of knowing or recognizing our Selves in a person or a place intuitively. These moments of love are spiritual, like reuniting with a cosmic twin. They can restore balance and make us feel very happy. Unlike the title might suggest, The Lovers card is not primarily about passion or romance. When these moments of love occur, they are about a choice: follow your head or follow your heart. Love is not always convenient, easy, or painless, but the possibilities that arise from saying “yes” can bring lifelong joy in many areas. Follow your heart and choose love. 

Position Meaning: A choice, transformation, love, fulfillment of desires, a magical union, trust in one’s heart, harmony 

Card: Judgement XX - Upright 

Summary: Reconciliation 

Meaning: Coming to terms with our past changes us and fosters healing. It renews our ability to love purely, flow freely and transcend our struggles. Judgment is a voice calling from deep with you — a distant, yet familiar, invitation. It requires intention and a significant act of bravery: uncovering and arousing the enshrouded memories of your past. If you accept the invitation, they will rise up fully exposed. Now is your best opportunity to face them, forgive them, and move on once and for all. 

Position Meaning: Forgiveness, rejuvenation and healing, an acknowledgement and release of the past, a definitive decision, an altered view, an invitation from within, new purpose.

LADY J READING:

This current reading seems to tell me that there is a bit of conflict in your life at the moment with someone / something in particular. There might have been a sense of you feeling oppressed lately, perhaps by people that have treated you badly, either by their betraying you in some way or them not giving you a space to discuss your concerns to the point that you feel as though you’re on your own with no one to turn to. The path of this reading seems to indicate that all cards will revolve around this particular conflict. 

The root cause of it appears to be a sense of polarity that is keeping you at odds with whoever else is involved. I would say you seem to want one thing in particular, while the other party has goals for something wildly different, and that is causing discordance in your heart and mind. You’re not sure what to make of it and you’re trying to be wary, but it’s definitely pushing you into a position you don’t want to be in and no matter how much you try to think it over and figure things out, it doesn’t appear to be helping. It’s causing you a great deal of stress in the background, and finding a way to quiet your mind is next to impossible at the moment. The more you think about it, the more it hurts your head. But you can’t help it, nor is the increase in activity / responsibly around you helping either. You have no time to yourself to breathe, there’s just too much happening that you can’t quite get a grip on, and it’s overwhelming in its entirety. 

The Four of Cups is your most recent past, which hints at the fact that perhaps you’ve been in a bad state of mind until just recently. There was a great deal of heaviness in your heart, in your mind. You were constantly tired and exhausted and couldn’t quite see the point to anything, a downward spiral, so to speak; and with no strength nor will to break out of it. In that state, perhaps you were even imagining problems that weren’t actually there, further pummeling your peace of mind into the ground. But something has changed most recently that has brought you out of that troubled state. Clarity in a way, it seems, the dawning of a much needed epiphany that has snapped you out of your despair. The imagined concepts that have held you back in the past have shattered, whilst a new realization has prompted and fueled your drive and desire to change things. It’s brought you back to life in a way that indicates you’ve figured out what it is you really want, and you’ve figured out a new approach, a new means of how to reach it. Your mind is centered, and you’re ready. 

However, the future appears as a reversed Fountain card, which shows that perhaps you are too centered on achieving your goals that you’re going about it too intensely. The Fountain card at its core encourages one to let things flow, let life bring you where it should and do not control that which is beyond our means. However, the one drawn is reversed, which shows that you may be so focused on the possibility success that if - knock on wood - a failure does occur, you seem likely as though you would refuse to accept it, as distraught and disappointed as you’d be after all you’d done to guarantee that things would work out. There is a lot of fear associated with this, perhaps because failure would result in the potential of solitude on your part ( though that is a wild guess ). Regardless, the Fountain card wishes to advise you to take a step back and allow for the possibility that anything is possible - success, and failure. Attempting to control things as much as you would like to will bring you nowhere. Sometimes, it’s important to try your best, and in the end, if things don’t work out, accept it for what it is and allow yourself to just Be. If it’s meant for you, it will happen - you can’t force it, ever.

The way you see yourself at the moment seems to state that you’re in a bit of a depressed, somewhat anxious state right now, despite your determined intentions to achieve your goals. Your mind seems to be feeding your fears with a plethora of worst case scenarios, the potential of your plans falling through causing some severe anxiety that leaves you with absolutely zero peace of mind. It can’t stop, won’t stop. It’s too much, it’s overwhelming, a lot of your fears seem to be even not real. I wouldn’t say you’re overreacting, but I would say that these imagined fears are taking a lot out of you and only screwing things up even more. It’s turning into something of an emotional bomb where if it explodes, will leave absolute destruction in its aftermath. This card encourages you to please try to take a step back to breathe and try not to draw back into that cyclical state of despair. It only makes things worse. Please be kinder to yourself and try your best to calm your mind. That is the most important thin more then anything. It will help you, I promise. 

In connection to the Fountain card is the Moon card, which shows that other people seem to think you’re deluding yourself a bit :c You have your goals and you have the drive to achieve them, but the people around you feel that your goals are perhaps not quite realistic enough and you’re running from the truth. They seem to think you are impatient, a little bit unstable, and forcing the situation too much to be what you want it to be, even though it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I would imagine that the combination of all your most intense hopes and fears getting shoved into one bucket ( your mind ) is rapidly creating an illusion that is a little too ‘perfect’ to be real. It’s intense, and it’s severe, and you’re perhaps not taking the reality of certain things into consideration. The Moon invites you to stop running, look back over what the Truth is, and listen to what it says. No one can force you to do this, but if you wish to gain genuine knowledge that will benefit you, you will achieve it by allowing the Moon to illuminate the entire picture and showcase it for what it is - rather then leaving it all shrouded in mystery and imagination. 

Your hopes are showcased through the Strength card, which indicates that you’re hoping that by powering through as you have, being determined as you have - you will achieve your goals. You are trying to harness the fierceness that lays within you to achieve what you utmost desire. However, your most likely outcome, despite all of that – seems to be that you will finally come to terms with the Truth. The Hanged Man shows that you will have an epiphany of sorts, sooner rather then later. You will come to consider another perspective, you’ll be able to take a step back and look at things from another point of view; sacrificing your intense need for success so that you can allow room for clarity. It won’t be what you’re used to, and maybe not even something you’ll initially like as you’ve been fighting against it all this while. But it is what is needed - if only so that you are not shattered by the potential of the end results. You will achieve happiness eventually, but another kind that is different from what you currently want. You just need to be open to the possibility of it. 

The Bonus Cards that showed up in your reading are two: The Lovers and Judgement. These cards play an active role in the entire situation, and starting with the Lovers, it appears to be that the card is advising you that in all things to do with this situation, please always attempt to follow your heart. Follow your intuition, follow that which gives you peace. It feels like there’s a lot of high emotion running amok in terms of this conflict at the moment that your heart feels at war with your head. I think in terms of guidance, it only asks of you to stop thinking too much. Do what feels right for you, it will help calm the flurry of overwhelming emotions that trouble you so much. You need to trust yourself. Though it might not feel like the most convenient option at first, nor the best path to take in any sense of the word, it seems as though it may be for the best in the long run. Nothing best promotes inner harmony like listening to your own instincts and doing what is best for your inner peace, responsibility be damned. You have the choice – choose what feels best for You. 

Judgement as the final card invites you to do but just one thing: come to terms with your reality, and accept the truth when it comes. A lot of the conflict appears to come from emotions that were not reconciled in the past, and it requests that you put those old feelings to rest. You have yet to heal, and your holding tight to those old struggles is what clouds your judgement on how you are to proceed today. Let them go, and perhaps it will leave space for clarity to take place. Forgiveness is healing, forgiveness will help you make the decisions you need based on what is currently set before you, not on what has formerly concluded. It will give you the facts that you need so you know how best to proceed. It will invite you to not only look at things differently, but also change your current purpose; for the better. It will help promote inner piece for you, but only if you Let It. 

// @tcpdog

[astrolocherry]

The condition of Saturn in the birth chart is like the business, enterprise, or cosmic job description we inherited at birth in order to pay and build our karmic debt and carry out the material end of the cosmic blueprint. 

We have an ‘inner supervisor’ or disciplinary in this realm, and the conditions that accompany this involve serious responsibility, unspoken duty, and an inescapable contract. This is where we invest much of our resources and focus in life, and other people struggle to understand why we ‘obsess’ or become fixated on something meaningless to them, and it may puzzle you as to why they are not doing the same. For example a person with Saturn in the 9th may divulge into deep spiritual, religious, and gnostic teachings in the search for a philosophy and answers, while somebody else may consider these pursuits meaningless and irrelevant.

in the 1st house this is growing and evolving beyond what defines the ‘self’ and the dimensions that have tightly structured and limited expressing the natural forces that flow through this aperture. the self-expectation is to develop and become the person that they can be proud of investing in and holding onto life for. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of their own inner monologue

in the 2nd house its like they are depended on for their labour and the job would never get done if they weren’t present. they may have a lot of guilt regarding what they can support their dependants with and long to provide the ultimate opulance with intense pressure. the compounding tendency is to deny assistance offered or refusal to ask for financial help, instead they ask their boss for more hours or sacrifice their essentials and luxuries The Critical Parent can appear in the form of their family members, boss, and anxieties regarding potential loss, instability, lack of security

in the 3rd house the mind wants to be gratified, developed, and operating at peak potential. the mind is antagonistic, paralytic, and seems to work against the person until this point. learning is an endless process and they can be ashamed with answering “I don’t know”. they may have guilt associated with their early schooling years for failing to reach their potential and contemplate how their lives may have turned out different  The Critical Parent can appear in the form of teachers or an oppressive sibling, and the inner monologue scrutinising the intellect

in the 4th house the individual feels the intense pressure to conserve the past. this is not for the purpose of nostalgia or reminiscence, but to ensure that lessons have been learned and history will never repeat itself, and that their own history will not be automatically repeated. this is difficult, because they have not been exposed to alternate methods of operation  The Critical Parent can appear in the form of either parent and condition into the identity

in the 5th house the pressure is to transmute their creative resources and inspiration into material form that will stand the test of time and provide evidence that they existed at all. but they are rarely afforded internal praise or satisfaction for these productions, and they are not permitted to use the escape of the wounded inner child to hide behind, the audience is waiting in the shadows The Critical Parent can appear in the form of the ego, romantic partners, teachers, or coaches 

in the 6th house the working product is measured by an impossibly high standard. there is a job to be done, and they ensure this is executed with proficiency and effort - even if there is no supervisor, deadline, or credit. they also regularly fret about their job security and dispensability. in this mind, if the working life is stable, secure, and satisfying the rest of life follows The Critical Parent can appear in the form of colleagues, health practitioners 

in the 7th house the state of their relationships and loved ones consumes much of the focus. they copiously self-reflect about the behaviours acted and imposed on within relationships and the role they play in these dynamics. it’s common to feel completely responsible for the emotions, security, and wellbeing of the partnerThe Critical Parent can appear in the form of romantic partners, open enemies, and law enforcement 

in the 8th house the self-expectation is to make the internal changes and necessary growth to be a different or ‘completely new’ person. they are discontent when they remain at hostage to forces out of their control and habits that bind them, they must destroy that part of themselves first or be destroyed. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of intimate partners, demons or dark forces, and the ego 

in the 9th house the pressure is to make the necessary inner growth to finally be ‘good enough’ for god, or in other words to exist on earth and have a reason for birth. the simultaneous demand is to gratify and establish the mind, often in academic pursuits that are challenging and beyond their comfort zone. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of the inner monologue scrutinising the intellect, conditioned teachings of supreme and theologian beings, teachers, and medical professionals

in the 10th house the demands are all encompassing and hard, resilient, silent work seems like the condition of survival. but they are not afforded to merely exist, they must grow, ascend, and be noticed, they must leave a mark in the world and sever the conditions, cycles, and family secrets that plagued the heritage. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of either parent and condition into the identity 

in the 11th house the pressure is to connect with the community and social networks enough so that they can be relatable with others, while also retaining the authentic identity that can persuade their course of change by inspiring with their different vision. the individual is a public servant who never receives the pay. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of the society or the establishment they are forced to subsist in 

in the 12th house the pressure is to survive in a world they were not made for, and not make a single sound. there is immense guilt associated with focusing on themselves and the duty is to serve others. they may also feel like they will be resistant any help they receive, or they are too far gone. The Critical Parent can appear in the form of subconscious voices and emotional attachments, in the frequent case of the absent or negligent father the empty space left behind is filled by self-blame and responsibility they wrongly take for these actions and this eventually becomes the inner critic

C