#is it okay that a fictional 15 year old is so extremely relatable to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marshmallowprotection · 1 year

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I. Would like to ask for a (romantic) match-up if that's okay 👁 because I've been into mystic messenger since I was...God, 15? Way back when it first came out. I'm in my early 20's now and once again replaying. These characters will forever hold my heart, I swear.

Okay. I'm not so sure where to start with this? I'm a college student, studying alternative medicine. Wanting to become a business owner in the future. (Herbal medicine, homeopathic medicine, etc.) I started this all because I watched a show one time where the girl was an herbalist, and I was like "wow I wish that was a real job." BUT THEN 5 MIN OF RESEARCH AND IT WAS I WAS MINDBLOWN, anyways so I've been at it for a couple of years, very passionate about it. I love to give my friends and family Herbal remedies to try and stuff, it makes me happy. On top of this, I love crystal healing (like reiki!) And I've been learning a lot of stuff like tarot and palm readings!

I have essentially two sides, pinky where I am my melody in the flesh, and then my kuromi side where I wear more HARDCORE fits (the hard-core in question: dark purple and black sweaters and black mini skirts lol). So just overall very girly. I'd say my main aesthetics are Cottagecore (currently redoing my room in all mushroom and strawberry themes!), fairycore, and then a whole lot of sanrio.

My humor? Awful. Bad. "Unfunny" except I'm actually hilarious. I tend to have a bit of darker humor, and I make a lot of dirty jokes. My friends say I have the humor of a 12 year old boy JAOSKEJDJD SO THERE IS THAT. I'm pretty energetic too!

I'm a writer in my free time, and though I say I like to read, I mainly just read fanfiction. I tend to get these characters I really like and obsess over them extremely for a long time. I get merch of them, I write about them, I stay up for longgg periods of time reading about them. Yeah it's bad, and even when I do one day date someone I ain't giving up my fictional men so they gotta deal, hahaha.

I struggle with explaining and showing my emotions. I grew up in a family where communication was not much of a thing, we either got mad and blew up at each other or gave each other the silent treatment. And I never liked this. Even when I'd cry they would get angry about it, and don't get me wrong they're great parents and I love them dearly, but communication and feelings have just always been hard with them, and therfor awful for me. I try my best though, I really do. And that's why in a relationship I desperately need someone patient and at least decent at communicating. Even when I'm bad. I mean I struggle to hug people and tell them how much I care about them a lot because of how I grew up, but I try so hard!!! I wanna break this cycle and have a healthy relationship!!!

I will add though I do somehow enjoy deep conversations. Like we could be talking about stupid stuff one second and then switch to a talk about our deepest life regrets or talk about just how we think the universe works. I like learning about how others think.

I let people walk all over me, I struggle to say no and I take on a lot more than I can handle sometimes to please other people. Anddd then inevitably burn out and isolate for a while. It's my toxic trait that I also need to work on lol.

But overall I'd say I'm fairly outgoing? I love love to talk and ramble about stuff. I'm not sure how much of this media you know but in case it helps my highest kins are Taiga (from Toradora), and then Hu Tao and Ganyu from genshin HOW I KIN BOTH OF THEM IDK I got two sides. My outside personality: Hu Tao vibe, my inside personality: Ganyu. And then Taiga is just actually so me ive never related to a character so hard. Ignore this part if you don't know the media :3

My love language is gift giving, I love to give people things and make people baked goods and write them things and aaa I just love it. Problem is I hate when people give things to me in return which they often feel like they have to. It just makes me feel bad and awkward to recieve gifts, it's another thing I need to work on. Receiving wise I'd love someone who's love language is....actually?? I'm not so sure?? I'd appreciate any, but I feel like quality time is the most important to me.

I'm a bit adventurous, while I like spending days at home I also like to go places and just explore and have fun. Being cooped up inside too much usually puts me in a depression, as I extremely found out during covid. I like to enjoy places with pretty scenery and nature over cities however, crowds do stress me out and I'm a teensy bit of a germaphobic (I say teensy but it's actually kind of not teensy. An awful habit I have is scrubbing my hands raw so they are always dry and in pain. Ironic for someone studying alt. medicine, huh? WORKING TO OVERCOME THOUGH)

I like to watch anime and play games like honkai impact and genshin impact. I love to cosplay pretty characters and go to conventions, I do tend to dress not so modestly however. Cosplays especially I wear revealing ones. My latest cosplan is Elysia from Honkai, her herrscher outfit specifically. I'm just decently confident(-ish) with my body and I like to show it off sometimes.

I fear this is becoming long so I wrap it up. In a relationship I DO NOT want kids. I do however want and value marriage. I need someone patient with me and understanding, and ideally affectionate? I love to dote on people and be doted on in return. And yeah! That's about all I got! I'm excited to see who my Kait assigned soulmate is, hehe. Whoever you pick I am 1000% gonna redo the route of. (Unless they're routeless, in which case fanfic time.)

I match you with...

Jumin.

Hear me out, that might sound wild given that he might not share all of your values on a surface level. But, you have a lot more in common than you think, and you can learn and grow with each other in a way I imagine would be fruitful. You're the kind of person who wants to do something for the world. You want to see some change in a way that can do more than you'd be doing if you were just another part of the machine. You want people to heal in a way that's right for them, not just physically, but emotionally, as well. You see the value in trying to reach someone from all angles.

That kind of out-of-the-box thinking is what works for Jumin. Do you think he acts in the guise of knowing something? He doesn't. He will travel to new avenues and look for better answers when something is not working anymore. He loves to listen, talk, and designate the best way to make changes for customers and employees. The two of you are best described as problem solvers who need to see something in this world move for the better. That's why you can talk for hours and hours about anything with Jumin. You both value discussion in a way that nobody else understands.

But, what you get with Jumin is someone who really won't push you around. Not just in conversation, but in life. He wants to see you grow to a point where you can say "no". He wants you to look everyone in the eyes and say what you mean. You deserve to be heard. Your voice is valuable. He won't let anyone step on you, not even himself. Sure, he will kick himself for the way he treated you during his route, but he learns, listens, and grows to be the kind of man you deserve.

All and all, your life is Jumin is about the two of you. Your family is the RFA and that's all you need. You both love to take care of each other! It's sweet that you'll have a race to see who can make breakfast first just to surprise the other... races to the kitchen aren't unheard but... let me tell you, Elizabeth beats the two of you there every time. She has the zoomies.

#ask #anon #mod kait #matchup #matchups

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themountainsays · 2 years

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Also I could I forget internalized homophobia and religious guilt. -RM

Oh !! That too!! Internalized homophobia Isa who thinks her feelings for her sister come directly from her homosexuality, because being "a homosexual" means she's so messed up in the brain she'll inevitably end up lusting after her own sister ;-;

Ahhh not to be tmi but being a lesbian i always felt lowkey predatory in women's bathrooms like... women's bathrooms (and women's spaces in general) are places for women to feel safe in, to know they won't be sexualized or attacked or anything right? So they (we) can know no one is out there feeling attracted to them (us). Soooo being a lesbian always felt like such a crime, like I was violating the sanctity of a safe space for women, it made me feel less like a woman in a way, like i was Cishet Man Lite or something, which I'm not, but it felt like i filled in the same niche, only in secret, so women thought they were safe around me when they were not ahhhh it was bad :( and ngl i'm still lowkey scared of women, I feel uncomfortable surrounded entirely by women without any visibly male friend around to reassure me that Oh Okay we're allowed to be here we're not commiting any crimes. And there's always some level of resentment because cishet women lead such different lives and I feel like I can't relate to them at all at times and that even if a friend accepts me they'll always feel uncomfortable with me etc etc so I end up feeling angry when I shouldn't because it's not their fault i feel like a freak, knowing myself I'd probably feel like a freak if i were cishet anyway... but what I actually wanted to say is that I'd love to write about it in fanfic, i mean i know a lot of people hate seeing characters facing any kind of homophobia in fanfic and I never knew why, so I mostly keep that to my original fiction, but I'd love love love to uhh project on Isabela a little 👉👈 Imagine her performing this extreme form of femeninity, not only because she's genuinely a femme lol but also because she wants to feel "more like a woman", because she doesn't want to have one foot outside of the group, she wants to be like everyone else and not present a danger to the women in her life - especially her relatives. Gosh but she sees them feel so safe and at ease with her, she may even hear them complain about one or two boys making them feel unsafe, and she feels so guilty for letting everyone think she's just like them, that she doesn't look at women in ways she shouldn't, that she doesn't have a particular girl in mind that drives her crazy, but who is 15 years old and her baby sister... god she feels like such a freak

#madrigalcest #isamira #shipcest #internalized homophobia #uhh #personal #a lil bit

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ao3-sucks · 3 years

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my own ao3 experience was that i got into it when i was in a huge fandom that had a bunch of underage and incestuous pairings and fics. i really started getting into it when i was like fresh into middle school and not soon after that id start reading a bunch of explicit fics. basically pretty sure reading that stuff is what made me feel anxious around my 2 older siblings and like if i showed any kind of affection like even a hug or just laughing at a joke sometimes itd be seen as a sign of attraction. im in my 20s now and it still really affects me. i feel like less valid with my online trauma somehow bc i did it to myself lol.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I got manipulated by an adult into writing an extremely triggering fic about rape and abuse between two young siblings, and ended up having to draw on my own traumatic experiences for it. I pretended to be okay with it, and let them say it was my fault it was like that, and when I finally got tired of hiding it and publicly called them out on it, multiple people defended them, using that pretense against me. I still haven't fully recovered from that. Sometimes I wonder if it really was my fault.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

thank you SO MUCH for this blog, I was groomed into thinking the wildest of things were acceptable by fandom people, and it wasnt until i was about 15 or 16 that i finally wised up and dropped the thinking once and for all. thank you again and have a really good week!

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I don’t really know how old the post that talked about the experience of one of the mods with ao3 is, but just in case, this is about that post that had mentions of r//pe and @“cest. And damn, I’ve never stopped to think that my aversion to sex maybe came from my early exposure to that kind of stuff, now I know that I’m asexual, but it’s comforting to see that I’m not alone in this, so thank you for sharing your story

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

god this is probably stupid and you dont have to post this if you don't want to, but thank you so much for making this page. ive had similar experiences in online fandom and ive really struggled with classifying any of it as "real" since it was all online. that post talking about your experience with everything was really eye opening for me. thank you for reminding me im not alone.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

wrt your ao3 essay // thank you for sharing your story about ao3. ive had some similar experiences, but i never interacted with anyone on ao3, just read ff. in around a 1-2 years of consuming that content, i had developed some psychosis relating to sexual trauma, but i never had anything happen to me so i didnt really know what to think. i was just scared. its nice to know that.. it wasnt just random? that more people are talking about this? something like that. thank you. i hope you are well.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

i just read through your experiences and while i was never really involved with fanfiction during my childhood, i WAS exposed to plenty of other weird interactions on other sites starting probably as early as 11 and just realized that me starting to use the internet more probably coincides with me showing similar things such as starting to hate being touched and consider myself asexual/sex repulsed. it was nothing that i'd considered to be that impactful or big a deal before and there weren't really specific people to blame, but i definitely don't know how to feel about this knowledge now.

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

just read that post abt your ao3 experience and holy fuck, so sorry you had to go through that. but also, thank you. its scary to think tht ive cldve been in the same situation since i was browsing the internet from a v young age. i was huge into roleplaying and thereve been a few times where it became, uuh... not completely sfw (unknowingly to me, i just wanted to rp). but the moment it became too weird, i ghosted n blocked (i had a very anti-internet-stranger policy). again, thanks. take care

Anonymous said to ao3-sucks:

I was 12 when I got my first ship. I got into it because of the cute art online and I never once thought about it being bad. It was pedophilic amongst other things. I just started writing fic, so I wrote for this ship. I was asked to write straight up human AU "porn where xyz is a pedo" by people far older than me. I didn't know any better, I wrote it and every other request like it. It go so bad that I though that pedophilia was OKAY. It took me so long to unlearn that and many other things because of that ship and I still feel bad for ever having shipped it. So when people say things like "fiction doesn't effect reality" it makes me mad. It teaches little kids that things like pedophilia and rape are okay.

I opted to answer these as a group because they are all so similar. It breaks my heart how often I get anons, post replies, and reblogs about my AO3 essay from people saying that my experiences closely mirrored theirs. I hope that everyone who has sent me these messages can forgive themselves for what happened to them, and know that it’s not your fault that other people decided to take advantage of you. I’m working on healing, and I hope you can all do the same.

- Mod Daft

#testimonials #anti ao3 #ao3 critical #fandom critical #mod daft posts #Anonymous

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

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hi there! I have found out about this blog for 3-4 days and ever since i couldn’t stop thinking about it because it may be the best place for me to vent, sorry if i don’t specify the tw ahead, i don’t properly know how to classify which type of abusive parents i have so, it’s indeed a long ride and, before it gets too long, here i go:

lately, I have been feeling like I am nothing but a broken child although I'm almost 20 years old(and I feel like a 90 years old granny sometimes) because of how deprived I was to live and experience my teenage years to the fullest due to an overwhelmingly strict household that constantly prohibited me from doing things or told me all my life I wasn’t capable, won’t make it, I'm too weak and now that I'm an adult, I feel like I'm like a decade behind my peers since all I have is crappy mental health and addiction to social media. besides that, I feel extremely insecure about quite every single adult responsibility since I hardly can accomplish anything, and I'm permanently frightened that my parents were right, I am nothing but useless. seriously, I wish I was fearless and just went there and get things done but I'm stuffed with fear and self-consciousness since I don’t even remember if my family in general ever had a glimpse of faith in me. at 14, I thought it all would pass and I would figure out my life far away from them while enjoying my youth but now I still feel the same if not worse because the time is passing too fast and I threw my “golden years” away. no friends, no job, no nothing. anyways, thank you very much for making a room for people to vent and it saddens me to say that because I won’t wish it on my worst enemy but I hope someone can resonate with it so I can feel less lonely.

stay safe, thank you.

Hi! I'm glad you found this blog. Don't worry about being unable to specify the tw, it's completely optional ❤️

If you'd like a label for your abuse, I would say your parents constantly calling you useless and weak and telling you you'd never make it in life, as well as being controlling to the point you couldn't experience your teens like your peers, is emotional abuse. And I'm really sorry you had to go through this, nonnie :(

I can relate to this in a way, although I feel like I've luckily grown out of the feeling that I've "thrown away" my best years and now I'm finally able to feel like the best is yet to come. If it helps you at all to hear this, I'm 23, I moved in with my (non-abusive) dad this year, and I've never had a job either. It's pretty normal where I live if you're a uni student, but I still feel terrible about it from time to time.

Western societies tend to put youth on a pedestal, and this can be very damaging to everyone, but especially to people who spend their teens and/or early twenties struggling with undiagnosed disabilities, trauma, or mental illness, and also to marginalised youth. But even people who don't particularly struggle with any of these things often feel like they "threw away" their teenage years because they didn't look like "supposed to"—ie, they didn't look like they should according to mass media stories, where characters live their best adventures during those years, or find "true love" or success in those years, and then settle down in their early or mid-twenties and never have something exciting happen to them again.

I know at least one person my age who has expressed very similar feelings to yours. I've heard them say things like: "my life is over. I'm almost in my mid-twenties and all I've done is lose all my childhood friends and be mentally ill. There's nothing in life for me anymore." And I'm sure many, many people sadly feel this way too. So you're definitely not alone, sadly 😔

What I usually tell myself is that all those stories about characters having their golden years from ages 15-20 are just that—stories. Fiction. In real life, being a teenager sucks. High school is usually nothing more than a fever dream full of drama and stress that you forget a few months after you graduate and would never go back to. Your 20s are... weird, because it's the first time no one is telling you what path to follow and you suddenly find yourself racing against your peers to reach this imaginary goal called "success" that doesn't really mean anything. And even though I haven't reached those ages yet, I know for a fact life keeps bringing things your way in your 30s, 40s... All the way up to your 90s and 100s.

You can make incredibly close friends at 50 who are by your side for the rest of your life. You can fall in love at 30, at 60, at 80, or never in your life. You can find a new career path or hobby at 45 and change your life completely. Some queer people come out of the closet at 60. Some people in their 30s and 40s don't have a stable job and just work wherever they can. You can move to a new country and adopt your first pet at 65, and you can get married for the first time at 70. And, if you ask people of any of these ages what the best years of their lives were, I'm sure the vast majority of them would NOT say the 15-20 age range was their favourite. Because at 15-20 you barely have control over your life. You're still dependent on your parents for most of that time, almost always still studying, and still trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life.

I know it's really hard to believe, but it's normal to not keep your school friends in your 20s. It's normal to not have a job yet. I've met people in uni who had never kissed anyone and were fine with it. I'm 23 and I've never tried alcohol, and I'm fine with that, because it's just not something I'm interested in. My dad met his current wife when he was in his late 50s and this is the happiest relationship he's had in his life. Life doesn't end at 25. New things, good and bad and unexpected and life-changing, will come your way for as long as you're here, because we never stop growing, changing, learning, discovering ourselves, meeting people, and finding new things that bring us joy. We never stop having first times in life. Most importantly, there is no point in life where you can safely say "okay, the rest of my life is going to look exactly like it does right now."

There is no happily ever after in real life. There is no “if you haven't succeeded in life at this age, you never will”. You've got time. You've got your whole adult life ahead of you. And I may not know you, nonnie, but I have faith in you.

I hope some of this helps to hear, even if I'm sure you already know a lot of this rationally. And I really hope you can feel a little bit less lonely. I'm sending the biggest virtual hug your way ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #strict parents #Emotional abuse tw #Trauma tw #Alcohol mention

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love-and-anarchy-au · 4 years

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Love & Anarchy: Chapter 14

well well, we finally got to this cringy chapter yeeyy xd but seriously, this chapter does give me cringe vibes; its crucial though. ONE THING: for picturing Gatlon, i inspire in big cities like NY as also C.A.B.A. (Ciudad Autonoma de Buenos Aires). it’s a bit of both, but in this chapter, a particular situation that happened to david & alec, is based on actual events that happened here in argentina back in 2017/2018 (i dont remember exactly when). OF COURSE ITS STILL FICTION AS ALEC’S REACTION IS RELATIONED TO IMPOSSIBLE SUPER POWERS (digo esto pa que no me maten por no ser cien por ciento accurate). i have nothing else to say, enjoy this chapter (so sorry if your eyes bleed with so many straight things).

REMEMBER THIS AU HAPPENS IN THE SAME UNIVERSE THAT THIS ONE

Find out what this AU is about here

Masterlist

Tag list: @healing-winston-pratt @dawniebb @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @everyone-has-a-nightmare @magykaldealings @quinterickson @cerenoya @cassin-the-assasin

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Part 2: A teen named Ace Artino

15 years old Alec

“Ace, you there?”

Alec didn't move, but Alexandra walked into his room anyway. Click clock click clock.

“You okay?” Alexandra whispered.

“Never,” Alec muttered bleakly.

Only God knew what time it was when Alexandra entered Alec's room without warning, as she used to do. Her boots clicked on the bare concrete floor. The shapes were diffuse shadows and the only light was that one coming through Alec's window: a warm and cold light, product of Gatlon's various lights. He felt the weight of Alexandra being close to him, as the mattress became even thinner than it already was...which was a lot to say because that mattress was already paper thin on.

Alec had been deep in his thoughts, sticky as tar, and heavy as chains. Alec's day had been difficult: he had had to go with his brother David to the other side of the city, to the east center, and help him sell his metals. David was not the most talkative person of all, and his presence only made him think of Julieta; he didn't like being around him; all those years he had tried to let go of his dead sister's voice, and he had succeeded, but being with David made him feel like the helpless, defenseless child he was back then, the same child that had not been able to save his sister and hadn’t been strong enough to defend himself from his abusive father, either.

Anyways, David and him had settled on a wide sidewalk, with no shops, just drab and clean apartments, since they were in one of the most wealthy suburbs of Gatlon City. They spread their gray and threadbare blanket, and scattered the metal goods on it. There were three clients and two reproaches from the neighbors until the police arrived and threw them out for not having the necessary sales permit. David nodded, since he was used to being thrown out of the places where he sold his metals, but Alec did not move, not knowing why he had been petrified but aware that it was not right for them to be thrown out of each place and sentenced to another missing dinner. He looked the policeman in the eyes and held his gaze, because not selling metals implied not having money, and not having money implied not being able to pay the mortgage, not being able to pay for David's school, not being able to pay the bills and above all, not having food.

Alec refused to leave without selling all the goods.

He didn't want to go through another night without eating.

He didn't want to have to depend on his friends, no matter how selfless they were when it came to him.

The boy took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, as if collecting courage to say something.

It wasn’t enough.

The policeman looked at him superior.

“Leave,” he ordered and turned his back on them.

And that ignited the trigger to Alec's powers.

His invisible hands carefully took the policeman's revolver, which was on his hip, and brought it into Alec's real hands, in the blink of an eye. Alec didn't have time to realize what he had just done, nor did anyone else. His hands of flesh and blood held that artifact of metal, gunpowder and death.

David looked at him with wide eyes.

They said: “What have you done?”

Alec looked at him in alarm, the deadly object still in his hands, which they held in a foreign manner, like a bomb. That object gave him so much power, so much authority, all because everyone feared pain, death...

He didn't want that power.

So he dropped the gun and ran off, not seeing where he was going.

He turned into an alley and hid there, behind a dumpster, hugging his legs with his arms, until David found him and knelt beside him. He had a bruise on his right cheekbone.

“David…” Alec began to apologize.

His brother shook his head and placed his golden hand on Alec's shoulder.

“I think you shouldn't come with me anymore.”

A lump formed in Alec's throat.

“I'm sorry, David.”

David smiled sadly.

“I know you are.”

And he stood up and left.

For the rest of the day, David and Alec did not speak to each other. The words his brother had spoken to him echoed in Alec's brain over and over again and made him feel guilty and stupid. It had not been his intention to steal the gun from the policeman, or to flee the consequences like a coward, or for his brother to receive his first beating for having defended him, or to have been another annoyance.

However, perhaps it had been his intention and for that he felt guilty.

Alec had no idea.

He only knew that he felt bad and that he would not be able to sleep that night.

Something that was more likely now that Alexandra had come over.

Alec took a deep breath and turned his body to the side where the girl was.

Alexandra shook her head, shaking her sparse, thick oil-black hair, and sat closer to Alec. She took his hand, and massaged it, just like Julieta used to do. Lately, everything reminded him of his childhood, as much as he wanted to leave behind that bloody and sunny past ...

“Why are you here?” Alec asked, in a whisper.

Alexandra smiled wistfully.

“Am I bothering you? If so, I can leave.”

Alec shook his head.

“Never.”

Alexandra massaged his hand harder.

“I want to ask you something.”

Alec smiled weakly. Talking to Alexandra distracted him from his regrets and his past, and he liked that. Alexandra was the present lived to the fullest, which was what Alec was looking for.

“Go ahead.”

Alexandra inhaled and blurted out, in a rush of words:

“Do you wanna go out with me?”

Alec froze, this time from uncertainty and not from sleep.

“Is this a dream?” Alec asked, extremely confused. Had he heard the question correctly...?

Alexandra laughed softly and replied mischievously:

“Why? Do you dream about me, Alec Artino?”

Alec's cheeks burned, invisible in the gloom. Alec appreciated that. To take weight off Alexandra's question, he replied:

“Sometimes. I also dream about James.”

Alexandra laughed again, this time her laugh was breathless and broken . They were both lucky that Alec's father was not in the apartment, and that David was a heavy sleeper (it was easier to wake God from his eternal sleep than David Artino to go to Mass on Sundays or to school every weekdays).

“You two would be the perfect couple,” Alexandra commented sarcastically.

“Then why are you asking me out?” replied Alec.

Alexandra closed her mouth and fell silent, thinking.

“Why not? I like you, you’re handsome and on top of that, you’re sharp as a tack. Besides, there doesn’t have to be a reason for everything, ya know?”

Alec's cheeks were suffering the worst of fires.

“Did you just call me ‘handsome’?” Alec inquired, trying to deflect the question he had asked. He wasn't ready to answer it.

“Yes, I did,” Alexandra replied and Alec felt Alexandra's sweet artificial cherry breath on his skin. They were close, close, close.

Alec was afraid of the possible question Alexandra might ask him.

Or that she had already done to him, without words.

“Can I kiss you?” Alexandra whispered in Alec's ear.

There it is.

God, Alec wasn't ready for that.

He loved Alexandra very much but he was not ready to kiss her.

He wasn't ready to kiss anyone, in fact.

He was just so ... confused. Insecure. Nervous. Anxious.

He didn’t want to mess it up.

How do you mess up a kiss?

“No,” Alec replied, on a gasp.

That’s how.

“It's okay,” Alexandra said, in a compassionate voice, as she stepped away from Alec, making the mattress a millimeter thicker, and moving closer to the window, her boots tapping rhythmically again. She was ready to go back from where she had come from

“But I do want to date you,” Alec continued, propping himself up on his elbows, a little more upright than before. Alexandra turned to see him. Her face was a blur in the dark.

“Really?”

“Really. This isn’t a dream, right?” Alec joked and got out of bed, unintentionally ripping its threadbare sheet from it. The ground was cold and rough, and his skin felt an electrifying sting as it came into contact with it. His steps were as silent as his presence in society.

“Right,” Alexandra replied.

They were face to face, although Alec was slightly shorter because of Alexandra's tall boots. He looked into her eyes, which were the only thing visible on her face, as they shone with the low light inside (which was a product of the outside). Alec smiled, and Alexandra must have seen him, because she smiled too.

“But why?” Alec questioned and earned an exasperated snort from Alexandra.

“Why not?”

“Why yes?”

“Why not?!”

Alec laughed and then covered his mouth, realizing that he had laughed very loudly and that his father would come looking for him, and hit him for...for...

Alexandra hugged him, to calm him from all the nerves he had.

Papà is not here, he reminded himself.

He exhaled hard and shook like a leaf in a hurricane.

“I feel like James right now,” Alec muttered.

“Why?” Alexandra asked.

“Why not?” Alec joked. Alexandra hit him with her elbow.

“Seriously, why?”

Alec sighed.

“Because you two are always fighting.”

Alexandra laughed.

“Indeed.”

Alexandra took Alec's hands, which were shaking. The wind enveloped them, they were in the center of an imaginary tornado. So many memories, feelings, laughs, words, all envelopping their hearts, like a windy hug.

Leaves and houses, cars and glasses, all and all in the center of the wind...

It had been so long since Alec sang that song.

He left it singing deep in his mind.

Alec returned to the present, to Alexandra's eyes, to her hands, to her lips...

“I want to date you ‘cause I believe we both deserve love. You're a genius, Ace, never forget that, please,” Alexandra explained and leaned closer to Alec. He gulped.

God.

The tornado swam more turns per minute. More images, more sounds, more feelings running through his veins.

“This is weird,” Alec commented, trying to calm himself.

Alexandra smiled sadly.

“I know. If you're not comfortable…”

Alec shook his head.

“I am comfortable, it's just that this is...unexpected,” Alec explained, trying to choose the correct words.

Alexandra nodded and then changed her sad smile for a mischievous one.

“You really didn’t see it comin’?”

Alec shrugged and Alexandra giggled.

“You really are adorable.”

Alec frowned. He didn't know how to feel when he was complimented. His head was spinning round and round.

Alexandra sighed.

“Well, Acey darlin', I gotta go.”

Alec nodded and walked Alexandra to the window. Alexandra put both of her legs through the metal frame and sat there. Before she started to slide down the metal ladder below, she placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead, one that he felt stickier than expected (maybe because of the gloss she was using 24/7).

Alexandra was beautiful under the lights of Gatlon City. Her black low-cut dress, her stolen leather boots (her only pair of boots), her blood-red lips, her sparkling eyes, her honey-sticky gaze. Her hair was tousled by the wind, and her expression was wild.

She was the living image of rebellious youth.

And she was beautiful.

Alec smiled, happy that Alexandra had asked him out, for having said yes, because he was him, because she was her and not someone else, and also, because all the anguish and tar in his mind had spread.

“Bye bye, see ya later,” Alexandra said goodbye and began to descend, while spiders and spiders came to her aid, one that Alec did not understand how it worked. Nor did he understand how Alexandra managed to avoid falling into the void that ended in concrete and cement, but there were things that were better not to ask.

“Bye,” Alec said and returned to his bed, with electrified feet, a smile on his lips and a tornado in his heart. With his mind he drew the piece of cloth that was supposed to be a sheet and covered himself with it. The smile on his lips seemed indelible.

Alexandra had chosen him.

Him.

The least desirable being in the entire galaxy, chosen by youth and rebellious beauty embodied in a human being. He, a boy marked with leather belts wielded by his father; she, a girl marked by her own hands, in the absence of parental figures. The two alone, the two found. A smile like a nuclear explosion, a presence like a constant breeze. Both different, both the same.

Both together.

Alec closed his eyes.

Everything would be fine as long as he was with Alexandra, the girl that seemed to be immortal as time itself. She was his laugh, his everything among nothing.

For once in his life, he didn’t regret anything.

He smiled all night long.

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fishoutofcamelot · 4 years

Note

(for the ask thing) any book/tv show/movie/song recommendations?

BRO! I heckin got you man! Now, I’m gonna skip the song and book recommendation bit because that sorta thing isn’t really my scene. BUT! In terms of TV? My rec list is like a mile long. I’m gonna include a read-more line, actually.

BBC Merlin: You know I had to put this on the list. But the fact that you’re on my blog means you’ve probably watched this one, so I won’t go into detail about it. Available on Netflix

Mob Psycho 100: Just a cute, sweet story about a bunch of psychic kids trying to kill each other. A story with this much fighting has no right to be so wholesome. Mob is just a good boy, he doesn’t deserve all this! Fair warning, its messages about identity, self love, and growth WILL make you feel Emotions. Available on various anime pirating websites

Red vs Blue: The found family game is SO strong in this one. By far the best found family plot/dynamic I have ever and will ever experience. The characters are all so solid, yknow? Like it took me three rewatches to understand the plot, but I didn’t even care because I loved the characters SO MUCH. It’s also really, really funny (although some of the jokes have aged a bit poorly tbh). Basically about a bunch of space marines who goof off and accidentally dismantle corrupt governments along the way. Available on Youtube

Supernatural: Is it cringey? Yeah. Does the fandom suck? Also yeah. Is Destiel overrated? BIG yeah. But it’s got monsters, magic, family, and a plot that doesn’t revolve around romance - and really, what more could you ask for? And sure, a lot of people don’t really like the later seasons, but idk I actually prefer them. Season 15 has me THRIVING. I mean come on - character vs author?! Fighting the guy who literally wrote you into existence because he doesn’t want to give your story a happy ending?! Say what you will about Supernatural, but it’s one of the most imaginative shows I’ve ever seen. Available on Netflix

Avatar the Last Airbender: You like stellar animation, intricate worldbuilding/magicbuilding, and a perspective on war that is surprisingly mature for a kids show? Check it out. This show is without a doubt one of the best animated series of all time. Go on. Watch it. It’ll change your life. Available on Netflix

The Umbrella Academy: Time-travelling assassins. Superheroes. Ghosts. Talking monkeys. Murder mysteries. Baller soundtracks. This show will never give you what you expect. I don’t even think I could properly describe it to you. Available on Netflix

Detective Conan: An anime. It’s about a teen detective - think Nancy Drew but bloodier - who witnesses a crime and is fed an experimental poison in order to keep him from telling anyone. But instead of killing him, the poison turns him into a 6-year-old. So now he’s got to solve crimes and take down a criminal organization while in the body of a child. Naturally, shenanigans ensue. Fair warning, the main character becomes a bit of a Mary Sue in later episodes, but the first 300 or so are pretty fun. A few episodes are available on Netflix, but not any of the good ones. You’ll need an anime pirating website for that

Knives Out: My favourite movie ever, of all time. It’s a murder mystery that both subverts and pays homage to its parent genre in all the right places. It’s funny, it’s intelligent, and has a spectacular ending! Although I do wish the fandom would stop being so horny for Ransom, I mean he’s literally racist...No clue where you can find this tbh, I saw it in theatres

Derry Girls: Now I’m not normally a big fan of realistic fiction/sitcom stuff. Despite how funny they are, I’ve not even watched The Office or Parks and Rec because that normal daily life stuff just doesn’t peak my interest. And yet, somehow this story about a group of Irish high schoolers just has me enthralled. Very funny, very well-written, give it a watch. Available on Netflix

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: Another anime. Phenomenal animation? Check. Fascinating plot and characters? Check. Detailed magic system that gets my lore-obsessed heart fluttering? Big heckin check. So basically two kids try to use Fantasy Science to bring their mom back to life, only the experiment fails and has some pretty nasty consequences - one boy loses his arm and leg, while the other loses his entire body and has his soul bound to a suit of armour. Now they gotta go through government conspiracies, ethical dilemmas, and Daddy Issues to try and get their bodies back. Available on Netflix

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K: Yet another anime. I know, I know, I’m a nerd, get over it. This show doesn’t have a complex plot or even complex characters, tbh, but what it does have is some amazing humour. It’s extremely funny, and it’s also just a nice show to kick back and relax to. Basically this guy who’s so op that he could rewrite the laws of reality on a whim is stuck dealing with relationship drama in high school despite being very, very asexual and very, very tired. Mostly he just uses his powers to avoid people and eat junk food, which is honestly a mood. Available on Netflix

Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Honestly I’d recommend almost anything that’s Scooby Doo-related because that was my childhood obsession. I used to have like 20 of the movies on DVD before my mom gave them all away. To this day I still love Scooby Doo, and watch it whenever I get the chance. But if you ask any SD fan, they’ll probably tell you that Mystery Incorporated is the best, most intelligent, most creative installment in the franchise. And they’re right (although I do wish there was less relationship drama...) Available on Netflix

Evil Genius: This is a documentary series about the Collar Bomb Robbery. Now, despite what the above list might indicate, I actually watch a LOT of documentaries, and if I were here to recommend all of them then we would be here all day. Not really ‘funny’ like the other entries on this list, it’s actually rather tragic, but definitely a cerebral viewing experience. Available on Netflix

Screwball: Now this is a documentary that IS funny. It’s about drug scandals in baseball. But the dramatic scene re-enactments are done with child actors that are all wearing fake beards and pretending to be drug dealers. It’s not only a fascinating subject, but it’s got amazing editing and visuals that have me in awe. Available on Netflix

Behind the Curve: Yet another documentary. This one’s about the rise of the Flat Earth movement. You’ll spend most of the time on the verge of having a stroke because of how stupid it all is. Available on Netflix

The Movies That Made Us: Okay okay okay last documentary on the list I swear. This one’s exactly what it says on the tin. It’s a series talking about the behind-the-scenes production of iconic movies like Home Alone and Ghostbusters. I eagerly await the second season. Available on Netflix

Monster Factory: If you’re familiar with the McElroy brothers and their brand of humour, you’ll love this. Griffin and Justin team up to make the most disturbing avatars they can create using video game character creators. The origins of the Final Pam meme. If I had a shirt with a quote from Monster Factory on it, I’d die a happy man. Available on Youtube

Baman Piderman: The dumbest show I have ever watched, but it’s so adorable and stupid and I love it so much. It doesn’t really have a plot, but later episodes allude to the presence of one and I’m upset because there are so many mysteries/questions hinted at and we’ll never get answers because it’s been abandoned. PLEASE watch it. Available on Youtube

Stranger Things: Okay, season 2 was a bit of a let-down imo, but season 1 was ICONIC and the Scoops Troop subplot in season 3 deserved its own freakin spinoff. I’m not joking. I didn’t even like s3 all that much, but the only reason it’s my favourite is because the Scoops Troop plot was so great. People call this show ‘horror’ but I don’t think it’s scary enough for that, although it is admittedly kinda spooky. If you like 80s nostalgia and the horror aesthetic, then I’d give it a watch (Do it for Scoops Troop. Do it for Robin). Available on Netflix

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: Despite my overwhelming love for this film, I’ll be the first to admit it’s kinda mediocre. The plot is weird and the romance feels forced, but despite its flaws it manages to be one of my favourite movies. Mostly I just like it for the unique concept and beautiful ending. Also the music is off the par man. Probably because the writer/producer of the movie was the lead singer for a French band called Dionysus (what? I do my research). Available on Netflix

Wakfu: I haven’t seen past season 3, but so far it’s pretty good. You go in thinking it’s just a wholesome action/adventure show about a kid who can create portals - but then it just. Sucks you in. From its bopping theme song to its fantastic found family to the unique worldbuilding, you very quickly fall in love with it. It’s got a cool plot and also talking dragons, and it doesn’t get better than that. Available on Netflix

Mystery Skulls Animated: Technically not a TV show so much as it is a series of animated music videos with a plot, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the greatest things of all time. It’s basically Scooby Doo but if Shaggy got possessed by a demon and killed Fred, causing Fred to become a ghost hellbent on revenge-killing Shaggy in return. And if Scooby was an ancient Japanese spirit that bit off Shaggy’s arm, forcing him to wear a metal prosthetic. Yeah, MSA is wild. It’s only got three videos out so far, with a fourth one coming out this October, but there’s already so much lore! Available on Youtube

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared: Ah yes, yet another cringey entry on this list. But you know what? Cringe culture is dead!!! And despite its fandom being...like that...DHMIS really is a cool show. Think if Sesame Street was like haunted or something. The episodes about creativity and telling time remain the most unsettling, imo. Definitely worth a watch. Available on Youtube

Inanimate Insanity: Oh boy. Am I seriously recommending you dip your little fingies into the object fandom? Yes. Yes I am. This show is so obscure it makes freakin Detective Conan look popular. At its core it’s a parody of Total Drama Island and Survivor but with anthropomorphized inanimate objects as characters (hence the name). Season 2 is actually really, really good and surprisingly competent. You just gotta get through season 1 first. Available on Youtube

The X-Files: Wow, a live action series on this list? Who woulda thought??? But seriously, this show is really fun. Memes and jokes aside, I love it. Scully and Mulder are fun characters with great chemistry (both platonic and romantic), the Lone Horsemen are hilarious, and every episode is a unique adventure into the most creative acid trips the human mind could conceive of. Phenomenal from start to finish (if you ignore the last season). I have no clue where you would watch this. Pirate it, probably

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Two idiots investigate cold cases and haunted locales while being utter dumbasses about it. You know the “hey demons it’s be ya boi” meme? That came from these guys. Available on Youtube

Kingdom: Ngl, I didn’t go into this expecting zombies. Or for it to take place during Korean feudalism, for that matter. But mediocre dubbing aside, this show has such a clever concept. It takes the zombie apocalypse genre and gives refreshing, unique twists to old tropes that they feel like something new. Seo-bi is my wife and she deserves all the love and appreciation in the world, and those are just Facts. Available on Netflix

My Hero Academia: Superhero high school anime. I personally am not a fan of later episodes/arcs, but the first three seasons are pretty dang good. Diverse, colourful ensemble cast that you easily grow to adore, interesting commentary on disability (although I’m not qualified to give any actual takes on that), and a school curriculum that makes me very, very concerned for the wellbeing of these children. Plus all the superpowers - aka ‘quirks’ - are super imaginative and, well, quirky! I just wish people would stop shipping the main character with his childhood bully...You’ll need to pirate this one too lmao

Danny Phantom: The highlight of this show is its ‘phandom’, because unlike someone (*cough* Butch Hartman), we’re not a bunch of cowards. It’s about a guy who messes around with his parents’ lab stuff and accidentally acquires the ability to die! Well, half-die. He can turn into a ghost and fight other ghosts. Although the show never explores the existential, traumatic fallout of being kinda-sorta-dead, the potential for something deep and emotional is there. Plus there is a LOT of accidental subtext for a Big LGBT+ Metaphor. So much so that the Trans Danny theory is basically canon. Uhhh not available on Netflix anymore so it’s time to whip out your pirate hat, matey

And there you have it! Like I said, I have a lot of TV recommendations. And I just KNOW I’m forgetting a ton, but this is already really long so we’ll have to cut off here.

Thanks for the ask! <3

#ask #fish post

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best-enemies · 4 years

Note

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

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sunrayyellowhalo · 4 years

Text

writing tag game

Thank you for tagging me pooh! @bangtanlalaland 🥰🥰🥰

what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

Ideally, I would love to be in a quiet place like a self imposed nook that I’ve carved out in a library or outside peacefully among nature. Truthfully, I do a lot of writing in my room (which for the most part is quiet lol) Cozy blankets, macrame decoration behind me on my wall complete with flowers, candle lit and lo-fi playing on the computer most times hehe. I live with a relative and our rooms are RIGHT next to each other. SOOO.... I normally do my writing at night when they are sleep and I can just chill, vibe and let the creative juices flow <3

what is your favorite genre to write?

I am a history buff and a total romantic SO I typically combine historical eras with romance alllmost always? Yeah it’s kinda my thing lol. I’m trying to get more into writing more in the modern era but hey what can I say? I’m an old soul. I like ‘old’ stuff lol. I have always written interracial fiction (brothas do NOT come for me I love y’all too. Don’t start that. LOL) I’ve taken to writing mainly AMBW or Asian Men and Black Women fics because not only am I attracted to Asian men but as a teenager, I did NOT see many fics that I could relate to...involving guys I was attracted to. It was rare then and it’s still in the minority now tbh. So, my motto was if it’s not there then I have to create it. And I did.

I’m also um...very sensual so 9/10 my stories will have love scenes in them. lol. 🙈💯 It’s taken a long time for me to transition from a smut writer (listen... ya girl used to be W-I-L-D. I used to write NASSSSSSTTTTYYYYYYYYY SH*T. 🙈 cause I’m a lowkey freak like that-I meannn um...🙈🙈🙈) to a writer of what I call erotic art? Though do NOT get me wrong... some of y’all smut writers GOT THAT TALENT OMG. Y’all be writing SO FREAKING WELL I FORGET IT’S SMUT LOL. *looks at @bangtanlalaland

I haven’t written smut in so long I forgot what it reads like lol. But I been kinda getting into BTS smuts? Like with Namjoon primarily 🙈. I LIKE ACTUAL STORYLINES OKAY. STORYLINES WITH THE SMUT THANK YOU. (AND FLUFF TOO).

do you prefer to write on paper or digitally?

I mostly write digitally but when I do not have access to my computer, I write on paper. Sometimes, I prefer to write on paper more but 9/10 it’s on my computer. My computer has become my new notebook. I take it EVERYWHERE.

it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?

I IMMEDIATELY write the idea down. I’m a very VISUAL person so I have to SEE the characters’ faces first. I try to find who in real life match with how they look in my head. Depending on how inspired and solid the idea is... I might come up with teasers, a self made trailer, self made book cover and even a moodboard. But yeah first, WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE YOU LOSE IT.

who is your favorite person to write about?

Mmmm.....to be honest I don’t have a specific person I like writing about. All of my characters are original characters, they are not based off of celebrities.

do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people?

The question above kinda answers this one hehe. All of my characters are original. Completely made up in my head.

have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (100k words)?

YES. YES I HAVE. I’ve written it and PUBLISHED IT Y’ALL! It’s called Accordance. I’ma be a shameless plug and put the link here! GO COP IT Y’ALL! OH AND WHILE Y’ALL AT IT CHECK OUT MY TRAILERS I MADE ON MY YOUTUBE. YA SIS WORKS HARD LOL.

how often do you get ideas?

Mmm depends on when the creative bug hit me. Since the beginning of this year though, A MILLION LOL. This year been off the charts. I’ve never felt this creative in a LONG WHILE. I LOVE IT.

do you ever get an idea that you really like but just can’t seem to finish?

Of course!!! Whenever I am close to finishing a work, the writer’s block hits me H-A-R-D. It sucks so much booty man. I be like BRUHHHHHHH. Sometimes, I try to push through and finish and others, I just let myself rest and wait until I am up to 100% to write again.

what is your least favorite plot?

Hm. I don’t... really have any I think? I’m pretty much down to read whatever I suppose. I just don’t like stories where there is no character development, focusing only/strictly on sex and ones that are extremely fast paced with no appropriate spacing in between. Make it make sense y’all. Thanks. hehe

THANK YOU AGAIN LOVELY FOR THE TAG! AS Y’ALL WILL LEARN ABOUT ME IF YOU DON’T ALREADY KNOW... I WRITE DISSERTATIONS LOL. Hm....I don’t really have many mutuals that I know of that write?? Not that I think can of! If y’all do, send me a comment and I tag you hehe! Muahz. 😘

#about me #sunrayyellowhalo #writers on tumblr #black writers #female writers #black female writers #ambw

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loki-darkprince-odinson · 4 years

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I met someone but its been during the lock up. We did a movie and facetimed and it went amazing and we want to get to know each other more! But im stuck and dont know how to continue. Any advice? We dont want to meet in person quite yet until the quarentine is over, so we call and text often. (Also you and Spoons are so freaking adorable and i love reading your stuff everyday okay byyyee!! 💚🖤)

My dear mortal, this pleases me to hear. Normally I would not be one for such sentiment, but, as you may know, my darling Spoons has softened this old fools heart exponentially.

Now, I do not pretend to know much about love. I am still learning everyday how to be a better man for Spoons. But from what I gather by your question, you’re asking for advice on creative ways to get to know this person better, yes? That may be something I can help with. So, let us start there.

Asking someone about their preferences helps you to understand who they are as a person. Asking questions about close relationships can lead to stories, and sharing stories leads to connection. The important thing here is to go deeper by asking follow-up questions. For example, if you find out they like dogs, take it a bit deeper by asking them what they like most about their dog. In answering, they are revealing a little more about themselves. I will list some other questions for you:

1. What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?

2. What type of music are you into?

3. What was the best vacation you ever took and why?

4. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list and why?

5. What are your hobbies, and how did you get into them?

6. What was your favorite age growing up?

7. Was the last thing you read digitally or in print?

8. Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?

9. What's your favorite ice cream topping?

10. What was the last show you binge-watched?

11. Are you into podcasts or do you only listen to music?

In learning about someone’s values, you are learning about their owner’s manual, so to speak. Even seemingly mundane questions can get at a person’s values, such as, what’s motivating them to do well on a presentation at work, or what they look for in a partner. By learning about someone’s life philosophy, you're able to get at their true essence, how they live their life, and what drives their actions. With that said, you can't just ask, "What are your values." But what you can ask is:

1 What’s a relationship deal breaker for you?

2 If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want?

3 What is your definition of success?

4 Are you at all religious or spiritual?

5 What are you most proud of in the last year?

6 What makes you feel most accomplished?

7 Who do you admire most in the world?

8 If you won a million dollars, what would you do with the money?

9 Which of your personality traits are you most proud of?

10 What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or friend?

Sometimes the unconventional questions allow you to learn the most interesting things about someone. Unusual questions allow you to see the varied, unique, and special qualities of someone, their answers give you personal information about what makes them tick. These questions also typically get the other person to think outside box and really ponder something. I’ll end here with listing some unconventional questions you can ask:

1 If you see a puddle on the ground, do you walk around it or over it?

2 If you could have a super power, what would it be?

3 If you could go back to anytime in history, where would you go?

4 If you came back in your next life as an animal, what animal would you be?

5 If you got to name a new country, how would you decide what to call it?

6 What would be the title of your memoir?

7 Do you hit the snooze button or wake up immediately?

8 What’s the first thing you do in the morning?

9 What’s the last thing you do at night?

10 Do you believe in any conspiracy theories (no judgement)?

11 Do you think iced coffee should only be consumed in the summer or all year round?

12 Would you rather be covered in fur or covered in scales?

13 What’s your idea of a perfect date (yes, of the calendar year)?

14 What’s the most unusual place you’ve fallen asleep?

15 Which fictional character do you relate to most? (It better be me)

Anytime you reveal personal information to someone else, it increases intimacy between you and that other person. So let down your guard, mortal, and don't be afraid to ask, or answer questions like these. I know that sounds extremely hypocritical coming from me, someone who wears a mask and hides his feelings a majority of the time. But I have learned that I am safe to let that guard down with Spoons. And it all started with questions. I wish you the best of luck on this new journey, my friend.

#loki #loki rp #loki odinson #loki roleplay #ask loki #ask #anon #silver lining

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

1057

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - When was the last time you had a roast dinner? What kind of meat or vegetarian option did you have with it? That’s not really a thing we do here, but for our noche buena dinner we did have roast chicken with rosemary as one of our dishes. It was surrounded with bangus (milkfish), lumpia with cheese, callos, baked macaroni with cheese, and mashed potatoes with gravy. My family has never been traditional when it comes to Christmas food and I’ve never tried hamon or queso de bola.

2 - When was the last time you drove or travelled for over an hour? Where did you go? It is for sure going to be today because we’ll be driving to Laguna to visit my dad’s family wearing our face masks, face shields, equipped with alcohol and hand sanitizer, and ready to follow social distancing.

3 - What’s your favourite kind of coffee to order (eg. cappuccino, latte etc.)? I’ve been ordering caramel macchiato in the last...6–7 years. If a coffee shop doesn’t serve it, the next thing I go for is whatever sounds like the sweetest drink on their menu, like a chocolate chip truffle frappe or something like that.

4 - When you get old, are you going to let your hair go grey or dye it instead? I will probably dye it for a bit, like what my grandma used to do. But I guess it’ll also depend; I might end up liking grey hair and not feel the need to change how it looks.

5 - What genre was the last book you read? Was it any good? I can’t remember which one it was but it was definitely a wrestler’s memoir; I must’ve read around four this year. The best ones I read are always of Chris Jericho since he has fantastic stories but he also knows how to write well. A lot of wrestlers have great stories, but are so-so in writing.

6 - Did you ever wear braces on your teeth? Yeah, briefly from the end of middle school to freshman year of high school. I need to get braces again, though.

7 - When was the last time you were relieved about something? What caused you to feel that way? Continued from earlier today. We brought both dogs to my dad’s family’s place today and I was glad that they were fast asleep on our drive back home and that neither felt bad and puked.

8 - Where was the last place you went that required you to wear a mask? Are you used to having to wear one now? Everyone is required to wear masks as long as they find themselves outdoors, period. I wear one even if I’m just walking one of my dogs in our backyard. I’m definitely more used to it now, compared to months ago when I had just started going out again and would be forgetful when it came to masks.

9 - How often do you receive calls from unknown numbers? Do you ever answer them? I get them a lot more often now that I’m working and have to coordinate with third-party people...I get unknown numbers once or twice a week. As much as it irritates me, I have no choice but to answer all of them now.

10 - What’s your favourite condiment to have with sausages or hot dogs (or the vegetarian equivalent)? Whenever I have a sausage/hotdog in a bun, I’d be glad to simply have mayonnaise on it.

11 - Which fictional character can you relate to the most? Is this a character from film, TV or a book? Monica Geller from Friends.

12 - Do you groom your eyebrows? If so, how? Nah, haven’t in a long time. It’s just not something I’ve ever particularly cared about. Whenever I have to, I just shave them. I also haven’t had a trichotillomania episode with my eyebrows, which is a relieving thing to realize.

13 - Did you get “told off” for anything the last time you went to the dentist or was everything okay? My last trip went smoothly. I just had a tooth extracted and there wasn’t really anything to reprimand me for since the tooth was already damaged.

14 - Would you rather get a starter or dessert? Have always been more of a savory girl than sweet, so I’ll go with the starter.

15 - Have you ever been involved with the police? Did you find them to be helpful? I mean...I guess? Kind of? I wasn’t arrested by any means, but I was a journalism student, so *shrug* pretty self-explanatory lol. There was one time in one class where we were all required to write a story covering the police beat, so I had to stay at a police station in Manila and wait for any tips or leads to come in. I was in freshman year and was absolutely scared, but I did have a classmate/friend with me ‘cause we were in the same class and she needed a lead as well.

16 - Are you tired at the moment? Is there a specific reason you feel that way? I am extremely tired and would pass out in a second if I let myself. But I had been out all day and didn’t have the chance to do anything I wanted to do whether it was doing embroidery, watching 2 Days 1 Night, or taking a survey, so I’m making up for all the lost time and powering through this survey.

17 - Are you big on colour coordination? Does that just apply to your outfits or to the rest of your life as well? It rarely comes to mind. It’s not something I feel the need to maintain, precisely because I’m very inconsistent with maintenance. Even though I know I possess the necessary effort and patience to organize a group of items by color, I also know it would be disorganized in less than a week.

18 - What shoes did you last wear? How long have you had them? Puma sneakers. Yep, I’ve had them for the past two years.

19 - When was the last time you wore make-up? What kind of make-up was it? September, for my first job interview. My items were simple; just an eyeliner pencil and some lip gloss.

20 - Have you ever slipped or skidded on the ice? Did you end up getting hurt? Continued from last night because I’ve been so sloppy at taking surveys lately, loooool. I’ve slipped a few times on ice skating rinks before. I don’t know if it’s the same experience, but whenever it happened to me I usually felt more embarrassed than hurt. It only hurt quite a bit when the cause of my fall was crashing into someone on the rink.

21 - Do you wear glasses or contacts? I wear glasses, but I already need to change mine since my eyesight has gotten worse and the lens that are on my current pair aren’t for me anymore.

22 - Do you own any photo albums? Are they dedicated to special occasions or just a random selection of photos? My mom made several photo albums for her kids from our childhood days so each of us have lots of photos from age 0 to about 7 or 8. I haven’t made a photo album just for myself, though I really should. Making memories with a film camera and having them developed still sounds very appealing to me.

23 - What was the last reason for you using a spoon? I was mixing my coffee to make sure all the granules are mixed into the water.

24 - Did your state/region go into lockdown or similar back when Covid hit in March? What did you do to pass the time while you were stuck at home? Of course. I would be more surprised to hear of a city or region anywhere in the world that did not go into lockdown. March was a livelier, more optimistic time, so I tried out lots of new things while the lockdown was still fresh and no one had any clue for how long it would actually pan out, and continue to pan out until the literal end of the year. I played the Switch for longer hours, tried making dalgona coffee, watched Descendants of the Sun, pulled more all-nighters, revisited computer games from my childhood, and did my thesis chapter by chapter with Andi.

25 - What’s your favourite meal of the day - breakfast, lunch or dinner? In my family, lunch and dinner are very identical so I’d go with either of them.

26 - Who was the last person you texted? How do you know that person? I have not touched my phone in a while, believe it or not...I haven’t needed it much during the holiday break. I think it was my cousin? He’s a relative, so I’ve known him since birth.

27 - What was the last thing you put in a sandwich? A hotdog.

28 - What was the reason behind the last time you shouted or raised your voice? I was at my dad’s family’s last night and I had ordered four boxes of empanadas from their business, and I was trying to hand over the P500 bill to my aunt (the total was like P300, but I gave them bonus to serve as my treat and my gift). I kept trying to give it and she kept rejecting it and putting it back in my pocket hahaha, so it became like a game for me to see which tiny space in the house I can squeeze the bill in so she can stop retorting. It turned into a funny cat and mouse situation and I ended up raising my voice a few times.

29 - Are you a citizen of more than one country? Would you ever use that advantage to move abroad? No.

30 - Do you know how to change a tyre? Could you do it without help? HAH, no. I am fucked if it ever happens and when it does, I really hope luck would be on my side that day and have a kind stranger that knows how to change tyres walk or drive by.

#survey #surveys

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ohnohetaliasues · 4 years

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Stones to Abbigale {Ch. 1}

(Kat)

This is going to be the worst thing I’ve ever read, isn’t it?

Am I going to actively want to die? Yes, most likely. But apparently, because I run a blog like this, I can endure suffering.

Flashbacks to Blood Raining Night.

Here we go. We will start with the introduction, written by the onion lord himself.

I want to be direct, my name is Greg. I go by “Onision” online.

Okay, I dunno what it is, but something feels off about this sentence.

This book is made up of events that occurred in my own life mixed with fiction from the made up life of James. James is essentially a better version of myself.

I can’t imagine how good that could be, seeing as the man who wrote this is a child predator and is just an overall piece of hot garbage.

His home, his school & his life all resemble my own at his age.

Don’t ever use a fucking ampersand instead of the word ‘and.’ It’s just bad grammar.

The people James analyzes and is surrounded by are not so unlike those I’ve known as well.

Analyzes?

Why?

I have experienced much of the loss James has however his happier moments are more often than not also mine.

Then write a memoir. Not this.

I want to share my story without it being purely non-fiction.

I mean, some people do this with books about their lives, but this feels... Odd?

I simply felt this approach would make for a far better book. At points I cried while writing this, at others I laughed.

Congratulations.

I don’t care.

Stones To Abbigale is not just a book I wrote, it is a piece of who I am.

That’s a given for all writers, but I still don’t care.

I’m going to rip this book to shreds.

Okay here we go.

I was asleep until I met her, but when I woke, I learned the meaning of "perfect imperfection."

Is this Onion boy trying to be poetic?

It actually made me want to die.

I've always been the type of person to focus on stars as we spin beneath them, the cool breeze on a sunny day, scattered patches of grass under my feet, the world around me, often forgetting to even glance at the one within.

‘The one within.’

Okay so the way this is written makes those three things seem disconnected. I often do stuff like this when I write, but I’d write it like ‘as we spin beneath them, focus on the breeze on a sunny day, on the scattered patches of grass, etc.’

You couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to rewrite that garbage sentence. This is all very waxing poetic and not in a good well structured way.

I had remained emotionally unexplored for so much of my life.

That must’ve been boring, not experiencing human emotions like the rest of us.

You sociopath, you.

It's painful knowing some can go an entire lifetime without understanding their own heart, an internal lock waiting for the right key to change everything.

Yeah, whatever, shut the hell up, you whiny idiot.

This is like an introduction by a teenager who just opened a poetry book and was like ‘yup. I wanna write like that.’

Except you aren’t William Blake or Walt Whitman and you never will be.

Sorry, Onion boy.

Except I’m not.

Die mad about it, grease ball.

It was the first Monday of November. I opened my eyes, blinded by my recently painted wall-to-wall white room. Even my bed frame, constructed of purely metal, was painted white.

Okay, cool. I’m a descriptive writer and I take every chance I can get to mention details, but even I find this description awkward. It feels irrelevant in this situation.

It bounced off the walls causing my eyelids to desperately clamp together. Painting my room like this was a clear act of subtle self-inflicted psychological torture.

Then why in the sweet hell did you do it? Do you enjoy suffering?

Actually, he probably does.

Because this is edgy as hell.

I was going through another phase, from darkness to light, and repeat. Seemed like the story of my life.

This is so edgy I am in physical pain.

You know your symbolism is good when it’s so random that you have to point it out and explain it to your audience.

My mom could see the darker colors were depressing me, I felt comforted by them, but found there were good aspects of both extremes. I was happy to visit either side, they are both so simple. But right now the intense light bouncing from wall to wall felt like it was ripping my mind in two.

Am I an idiot or is that just... word salad?

My mom didn't wake me. My alarm clock sat on my dresser with no explanation for it's failure to function. The clock only illuminated a blank stare with 8:17 written all over it's face. While entirely robotic, I imagined the clock to have the dumbest possible expression, one complementing its failure to behave any way outside its random glitch-infested nature.

That was the worst way to write a personification ever, but okay.

In the reflection of it's plastic face I could see myself unconsciously making the dumb expression I was imaging the clock to have. I laughed in my casual dorky tone and began to get ready to leave home.

I’m not laughing, idiot.

Without breakfast, I left for school with a bogus note in hand to idealistically explain my tardiness.

You... You wrote a fake note?

Do you realize you could get in trouble for that?

You’re an idiot.

I think most of my teachers were too exhausted to worry about small variances in our appearance from time to time. With how low their pay likely was, I imagined there were very few rules most teachers cared about.

That isn’t true at all. Teachers have to pay attention to rules unless they want to get, I dunno, fired.

It was another cold day in Lakewood. The wind hit my eyes forcing tears to form in the corners as I sped along the sidewalk at a no-doubt unreasonable speed.

I cannot imagine any good imagery for this scene. I’m just imagining this gif:

I passed Lauren and Raymon walking the opposite direction, no doubt headed toward the nearby church where all the students go to smoke, make out and hide out till school ends.

Um okay. Does this guy know that if characters don’t have relivance to the story, if they have no reason to be named, than they don’t have to be?

No.

Because he’s a 34 year old man baby.

They seemed so childish as they held hands and smiled excitedly as if they had gotten away with some tremendous crime.

That sentence seems so robotic I genuinely can’t.

Mr. Hanson, my heavy-set, middle-aged history teacher, rolled his eyes as I walked into class. "James, talk to me after class" he said quickly, looking away from me as if I were an undervalued employee who was barely important enough to make eye contact with let alone deliver a full sentence to.

It bothers me so deeply that a new paragraph wasn’t started when this character talked.

"I have a note," I said. He ignored me, and continued his lecture on yet another topic that would not only be completely useless later in life, but wasn't even relevant for even a few seconds after the words left his mouth.

Why is this teacher acting like a petty teenager?

I’m deeply annoyed by this.

And yeah, it’s relevant. You have tests, you idiot. Take notes. And it’s also history, which is, again, relevant.

In conclusion, shut your mouth and stop bitching.

There was only 15 minutes left in the class, but I felt it would be more stimulating to integrate myself into the room to yet again study my classmates' behavior than to sit in a hall watching the rows of scum covered tiles inevitably slide off the decaying walls.

That’s a health code violation, friends.

Or Onion is an awful writer and he thinks describing a school like this is a good idea. My money is on that.

For as long as I remember I've enjoyed seeing how people move around and talk to each other, like they're all animals at the zoo.

Something is wrong with you, friend. Liking to people watch is one thing, but doing shit like this is something else entirely.

Uh, try sociopath-like?

Creepy as hell?

We’ll go with both.

I would try to deliver a more accurate analogy if I felt there was one

Bitch, there is. I can’t name one off the top of my head because reading this makes me feel like my brain is melting out of my ears, but I’m 100% sure there is a better analogy. Even though this feels more like a simile.

but so many of them seemed incredibly unaware of themselves, just living life as if it were some generic predefined routine.

Oh, and you’re so much better obviously, you pretentious bastard.

Sometimes I felt like an alien who had a VIP pass to submerge myself in primitive human culture just for entertainment.

Congratulations, that’s also what you sound like.

I sense everything I can take in around me. The seemingly limitless audible tones, tremors in the voices of growing children rang in my ears. In studying people, I found myself gradually learning to literally feel the various personality types I encountered.

Do you... Do you have psychic powers?

If not, shut your damn mouth.

I hyper analyzed every inconsistent smell, the seemingly random clothing styles, freckles, and assorted hairstyles filled my mind with questions. Trying to rationalize and understand what sequence of events led them to decide who they would become.

You are the most pretentious protagonist I have ever read. I’m half a chapter in and I already fucking hate you.

This character is so poorly written and immediately unlikable. i cannot relate to him at all and if someone does, I suggest you go get some help because how this asshole is behaving doesn’t sound human.

I took favor of categorizing most everyone around me. The socially inept know-it-all, the dumb attention-seeking drama kid

On behalf of all drama kids, go fuck yourself.

and the bleach blonde bimbo who gets overly defensive at the slightest hint of criticism.

Do you mean you?

Onion obviously didn’t let anyone edit this garbage.

Then there were the kids who just hoped no one noticed them at all. There was so much to be seen, to be considered and organized in my mind.

Mhm.

I don’t care.

Class had just ended so I walked over to Mr. Hanson's' desk &

And*

placed the tardy note down in passing. As I walked out with the rest of my class, he called after me. "James! We still need to talk!" I responded but continued to walk outside the room. "I have to be early to my next class! Let's talk tomorrow!"

You’re an asshole.

And I hate you.

I walked quickly down the hall towards my art class, which was awkwardly placed in a trailer outside my clearly poorly funded high school.

Um.

Okay.

On my way to the class a fight had already broken out between two jocks who, no doubt, both had controlling, iron-fisted fathers who brainwashed them into believing conflicts between men are best resolved with the bloodying of their fists.

That’s a bold thing to assume, dear Onion.

These kinds of men plagued my mind with wonder. I could not conceive a scenario in which they could justify their primitive & pointless mentalities yet they would always continue to perpetuate their self-destructive attitudes as if it offered the slightest legitimate benefit.

Oh, shut your pretentious mouth.

Most everyone nearby crowded around the fight. None of them likely cared who was winning, what it was about or how far it went. All they ever seemed to show concern for was their own amusement, always excited to see violence without having to pull out their wallets to pay for it.

Are you joking?

Where are the teachers?

This is complete bullshit.

This is high school, not a fucking fight club.

Does Onion even try to make this believable? Or is he just vomiting all over his keyboard and just accepting whatever nonsense that makes?

As the sounds of flesh collided fist to cheek & chest quickly followed the howls from the surrounding students. They would scream "Oooohhhh!" as if it were sincerely delightful to witness creatures like themselves suffer & fall apart before their eyes.

The use of ampersands is making me lose my goddamn mind.

Even if I had time to stop, I never really took pleasure in seeing strangers hurt each other. Most all fights seemed avoidable and were often initiated for a senseless reason.

Go choke on air. This protagonist annoys me more than any protagonist has. I’m not joking. Fuck this dickwad.

I know, you could say it's more complicated than that, I would like to think it were as well, but reality trumps the way I wish things would be. There's no sense in fighting it when doing so rarely helps anyone.

While this is true, this is worded in a way that’s so pretentious it’s painful and also in a way that paints this protagonist in such a white knight-y way that it makes me want to die.

As I approached my next class the image of Abbi's face illuminated the neon walls of my mind like a projector teasing a theatre screen with fleeting moments of depth & purpose.

That is complete and utter word salad. Stop immediately.

Ever since I met her, she had occupied a part of my consciousness; whenever I wasn't near her I missed her to an unrealistic extent. You could call my longing sad especially considering we had barely talked; she just had a strange effect on me, one no doubt similar to a willful addiction.

That’s called a crush, but the way that was just described is so creepy.

There are people in life which we pass by on a daily basis, barely aware of their existence, but on an exceptionally rare occasion you can find a person who fills an area inside your little world you didn't even realize needed filling.

While that’s technically not untrue, it feels like a lizard person is trying to tell me what having a crush on someone is like.

As I walked up the creaking stairs into my art class trailer I could see Abbi was sitting at her shared-desk, alone, same makeup, hairstyle & general appearance I had thought about repeatedly over the last couple days. She was drawing pictures on her blue-lined paper, distracting herself from the cold that filled the oddly glowing room.

This... This imagery is so fucking weird.

I smiled slightly trying not to be too obvious and sat down on my chilled metal chair positioned a few seats to the left in front of her. Glancing over, I could see she hadn't moved at all, I felt like she didn't even notice me come in.

You aren’t the center of her world, so yeah, she’s focused on something else. That’s just how it is, asshat.

I wanted to inspire some acknowledgment of my existence from Abbi so I opened my mouth to greet her when my fingers brushed up against freshly smeared gum under my desk. "Eeew!" I shouted out on impulse. She looked up at me with a blank expression.

I’ve accidentally touched gum on the bottom of my desk before, as I can imagine everyone has, but I’ve never shouted about it like a lunatic.

Bursting into the room came a group of boys. "Dude I think John's done bro!" one of the other boys laughed, saying "Won't see them for a week at least."

Nobody talks like this. Have you ever spoke to another human?

I looked back at Abbi to see she also didn't react to their outburst. Strangely knowing that her apathy was generalized and impersonal gave me comfort.

There needs to be a comma after ‘strangely,’ but whatever.

Her influence on how I felt was obviously dangerous but I didn't care as no matter how fond I was of the idea that I was not of the world, I knew my place and had no real interest in pretending otherwise.

Explain to me how in the hell that’s dangerous.

Jason, one of the boys energetically praising the fight they had just seen, sat in his seat next to Abbi. I smirked watching her shoulders shift away from him. Her body language sent a loud message that she had the same impression of Jason as I did. He was just another moron, placed on this Earth to live his life completely unexamined,

That word is not used properly in that sentence.

a pawn that had no awareness of its own role let alone that it was just another tiny component within a massive unstoppably twisted game.

Shut your pretentious mouth because that doesn’t make any goddamn fucking sense.

I know it sounds morbid and condescending but my attitude was just something that naturally developed the more I studied human behavior.

Bullshit.

I would be more optimistic but I find doing so would be like walking into a room with no windows and turning out the light. If you refuse to see the world around you for what it is you're just wasting your eyes.

Being optimistic means looking on the good side of things. You’ve heard the glass half empty or half full thing. it’s that. And as someone who jumps between optimism and pessimism, being optimistic isn’t like this at all.

Don’t try to be poetic or funny, Onion. Those are two things that you aren’t.

Art class was about to begin. My teacher, Mrs. Stanley, who looked like she should have retired a ridiculous thirty years ago, approached the front of the room talking about how art is sacred. She also discussed the random object she had us all draw the previous school day and ironically graded it by using her own narrow-minded definition of art.

That isn’t ironic.

I always wondered how teachers could even attempt objectively grading art. Is there any logic behind validating a form of self-expression using a cold black and white mathematical system?

It’s a class where you have to follow the curricula. Shut your damn mouth.

And this is coming from someone who hated her art teacher. But this art teacher was so utterly closed minded that she didn’t accept anyone else’s creative process. She basically told us that if we didn’t follow her process, we weren’t real artists.

"Today I'm going to place you with partners" Mrs. Stanley said as she pulled out sheets of paper outlining our activities to come. "To keep this simple, I'm going to partner you with the person you are currently assigned to share a desk with" she said. I sighed knowing I was bound to be paired up with Alex, a guy I had specifically asked to be seated away from ever since he peed in a jar literally right next to me under our desk, acting like he was so cool for publicly exposing himself while simultaneously urinating.

That... He expected to be treated like he was cool for this?

That’s fucking disgusting.

It happened weeks ago and I still can't figure out what kind of crazy it takes for you to, in the presence of people you barely know but have to see nearly on a daily basis, pee in a jar held in your hand just beneath your desk in the middle of a classroom.

At first when I read this, I thought that the wayit was worded made it sound like Alex forced James to hold the jar while he peed in it, but okay, whatever.

What then? You show it off like you will be praised and accepted as if it were an accomplishment? Alex, despite being borderline mental, was one of my least favorite people to study.

It is actually physically exhausting to read this shit. James is a pretentious asshole.

I couldn't help but feel there was some defect in his mind that invalidated the point of conducting a thorough analysis of him.

This just makes it seem like James has mind reading powers.

He was completely irrelevant when considering the realities of normal human behavior.

Behavior you don’t act according to, you lizard person sociopath.

As I was off on a tangent in my own mind I heard a familiar voice ring out, one that inspired the very same emotion you experience when a song you had forgotten you loved, randomly plays in the background of your daily life. "Can I be paired up with James?" her voice was just as I remembered.

Is this Abbi?

I have a friend who spells her name like this, so I really hate that there’s a character in this shitty book who shares a name with her.

Despite her having not spoken in class in some time, she hadn't changed a note. Abbi had interrupted the teacher just to partner with me, but I asked myself if was it really just to work with me or just to get away from Jason.

Um. Okay.

The teacher, looking irritated but understanding Abbi's discomfort with Jason responded "Alex and Jason, you'll be partners. James, switch seats with Jason" "Thank you!" Abbi said with a slight smile. With a cocky grin Jason stood up and in a comedic fashion smelled his armpit. "Wow, I didn't know I smelled that bad" Jason said as he walked over to sit by Alex.

That isn’t funny and Onion boy isn’t funny.

Approaching Abbi was no doubt a way scarier act in my mind than it was to everyone around me, I felt like my head was burning from the inside out.

That’s a little extreme.

Nevertheless I continued to remind myself that her public outcry to partner with me could have meant nothing. I sat down next to her and did all I could not to turn into a complete dork on her. She reached out and grabbed the project outline that was being passed out. Mrs. Stanley began to read the description of the assignment. "Today you will both be taking something meaningful, but expendable, from your own homes."

If something is meaningful it isn’t expendable. Stop.

Mrs. Stanley looked up and emphasized, "That you own!" then looked back down at her paper. "You will tear those items apart here in class. You will then take those items and, using the adhesives, staples and the strings available in class, find a way to create something new out of those possessions."

That’s actually kind of an interesting idea. But like. Maybe with a cup? I don’t wanna rip apart something I care about.

She looked up and said in a low voice sounding somewhat like Dracula "Two, will become one."

That is unnecessarily creepy. It reads like an innuendo.

Also, what in fresh hell does Dracula’s voice sound like?

Did she say it with a Transylvanian accent? I’m confused.

Jason raised his hand objecting, "All due respect Mrs. Stanley I'm not breaking something of mine for this class."

Jason has the right idea.

She replied putting her hands on her hips, "That's fine Jason. We'll supply you with a toilet paper rolls, we have plenty of extras around here." Jason suddenly looked disturbed and sarcastically spouted "Freaking great!"

Why???

That’s better than ripping apart a t-shirt.

Mrs. Stanley asked, "Are you sure? Your grade shouldn't suffer that much if you two just take Alex's piss jar and tape it to a toilet paper roll. You're already failing this class."

What in the literal fuck?!

You cannot say that to students. No, you can’t say that to anyone.

Jason couldn't believe what she had just said

Same.

and Alex maintained an awkward frozen facial expression with his mouth slightly open in his normal weirdo somewhat robotic fashion.

"Oh my god" Abbi whispered under her breath with a slight smirk. I grinned uncontrollably; just seeing her amused was amazing to me.

That wasn’t really funny, it was just shocking.

I could hear a scream in the back of my mind reminding me my dorkiness and borderline obsession was escaping through my face.

It's not that I couldn't help being in awe of Abbi and basically every little thing she did, I simply didn't want to change how I felt. In a way, she was like your favorite song or book, you could pretend not to like it and in time with the right mental coaching maybe you would sincerely dislike it, but life just felt so much better embracing your condition entirely, letting all your nerdy admiration flow freely.

This just reads like an obsession. I don’t have the energy to actually express how romantic feelings actually feel, but this is terrifying.

Mrs. Stanley continued, "If there's anyone else who has an issue, please take it up with my 1800 number which is?" She put her hand up to the air signaling the students to react but only a couple kids replied aloud with her catch phrase. "1-800-BOO-HOOO" they mumbled.

Sweet Jesus.

So this is what it feels like to lose my mind.

She continued, "Good, now for the rest of class please work with your partner on what you plan to bring and draw up a prototype sketch of what you feel your final piece of art will look like." Mrs. Stanley walked to the back of her room and sat down at her 1950's looking rust-infested desk.

Is this school just a giant health code violation? And what the hell do you mean by ‘1950′s desk?’ All I got when I googled that were pictures of wooden desks.

I would always laugh internally when I looked at the old thing. Maybe it was my way of coping with the fact I attended one of the most run down schools in the state.

I have nothing that isn’t full of curse words and fact checking to say here.

"What are you going to bring James?" Abbi asked.

This sentence is put so Abbi looks like she’s asking if James is going to bring himself without the comma after the word ‘bring.’ Did Onion really not edit his book at all? These are simple and fixable grammatical mistakes.

It was amazing hearing my name pass her lips but I had no time to think, if I didn't respond right away she would think I was totally awkward. "I... have no idea..." I responded. Smiling she said, "I'm going to bring my hamster cage", I asked, "Did he die or something?" she laughed, "No, I never got one, the cage was just a gift from my dad."

But you’re supposed to cut it up.

Hamster cages are made of metal.

Does Abbi just have superhuman strength? Is she going to bring a pair of bolt cutters?

"Your dad didn't get you a hamster... for the cage?" I asked.

My question exactly.

Sometimes you just...

You just gotta give your daughter a hamster cage but no hamster.

She paused and started to lose her smile.

Oh fabulous, she’s one of those characters.

At the first sign of her smile fading I felt a crushing pressure in my chest. "Hopefully you can find something that will work with that," she said. I couldn't help but feel like a total jerk despite not even knowing what I did wrong.

That interaction was so... Weird? Robotic? i don’t know. Something felt wrong about it.

I had the overwhelming urge to fix how she felt so I took a gamble, "Well, I could always bring that weird vibrating thing my mom hides in her drawers all wrapped up in a cloth" I said.

What is wrong with you?

I cannot fathom what made Onion think this joke was funny.

She busted out laughing hysterically as a huge grinned filled my face. I was so happy I could get her to smile again. "Eeew! James!" she continued to laugh as the extent of my grin began to stress my cheeks. I couldn't remember a time when I was this obvious about how I felt.

This... Something is wrong with just... all the dialogue.

And with the formatting. You make a new paragraph when someone starts talking. A 34 year old man should know this. He writes like me when I first started writing, and while this probably means he just started writing, I was 11 years old when I wrote like this.

He is a 34 year old adult. There is no excuse for how bad this formatting and how generally terribly written these interactions are.

Abbi's laughing trailed off and she paused. Turning to me she said, "You... you didn't actu- ally... your moms?"

*Pained groaning.*

I responded, "No, I wouldn't know about that, but I'm glad it made you laugh." She responded, returning to a soft laugh "You're more goofy than I thought James." I sat next to her looking at my fingers interlaced in front of me; my wide smile relaxed but still filled my cheeks with warmth.

This entire chapter, everything here, is so awkwardly written.

As class came to a close Abbi patted me on my arm. I turned and she handed me a note. Instinctively I put it in my pocket and said "See ya tomorrow", she just smiled and walked away.

????

On my way to my next class, I opened the note. I didn't understand why, but it read "NISEONE."

Not knowing what to make of it and with little time, I stuffed it back in my pocket to look over later.

Yeah, that’s cryptic as hell.

Not feeling like skating home,

Oh, we’re really getting into edgy 2000′s shit now.

I got on the bus to see all the normal rejects and misfits waiting. Davis, a short and scrawny kid who had been my best friend since middle school despite being one grade behind me excitedly waved me over.

Oh, good, more terrible characters.

"James! Nice to seeeee you!"

Oh, this bitch needs to die.

he said in seemingly the dorkiest way possible. I smiled as he stood up giving me the window seat, knowing very well by then that I preferred it.

Um. Okay.

As I sat down I began looking out the window, analyzing the little humans running left and right to get on their busses.

Buses*

And I am going to eventually kick your ass for this pretentious bullshit.

Something reached out and caught the corner of my eye. I immediately shifted my head to see what it was and quickly realized it was Abbi standing in the parking lot by some beat-up sedan.

"What'cha looking at James?" Davis asked. Without hesitation I began to respond, "Oh, it's Abbi, she's in my art..." my heart sank as I witnessed a boy I barely knew, named Seth, walk up and kiss Abbi on the lips.

Oh, boo fucking hoo. Get over the fact that she has a life outside of your crush on her.

"James?" Davis said, but by that point his voice was a faint echo in the darkness my mind instantaneously lost itself in. I felt like after a life of numbness I was finally about to truly feel warmth for the first time only to have it all taken away in an instant, leaving me hopeless in the shadows, alone once again.

Cry me a goddamn river.

You angsty pretentious idiot.

Don’t give me angsty word salad about how sad this makes you, I don’t actually care at all.

I looked down at my knees feeling as if I lost all muscle control in my neck.

That isn’t a thing that happens ever when someone is upset.

"Are... you ok?" Davis asked. I responded with hesitation "...I'm... just stupid."

You spoke to her once, you fucking dumbass.

"No you're not. You're one of the coolest guys I know!" Davis replied. I continued my silence as he offered words of encouragement. "Okie dokie, well, you're awesome and should be super happy so if you want to talk, I'm your buddy so... so I'm here to talk."

That’s uh, nice of him.

But the way he’s talking sounds like... almost mechanical? All he’s done since he was introduced has been compliment James.

I was too focused on the con- flict raging in my mind to hear anyone at that point. I couldn't think about anything but Seth kissing Abbi the entire trip home.

Oh, get the fuck over it.

That night my mom was literally just serving lentil beans she prepared on her crock-pot for the billionth time, a fair exaggeration but still, it was excessive to say the least. My sister was behaving as she usually did at the dinner table, talking about how stupid she thought school was and how she couldn't wait for college. "How was work mom?"

I mean, I’m also tired of high school. I’m really done with judge-y teenagers.

I asked trying to keep my mind off the haunting images looping in my mind.

YOU HAVE HAD ONE FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH HER. CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER, YOU BITCH.

Any normal person would express disappointment over the fact that a person they like has a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner in general, not go into a damn depression about it.

"Well, no one at work respects me or listens to me and I generally can't stand it, but you know, we still have food on the table" she said in a stern tone.

That

That is weirdly passive aggressive and mechanical.

My sister barked as food flew out of her mouth, "Well at least it's not high school. I'm learning how to be a successful person from a bunch of low-income losers."

Oh, I guess bitching runs in the family.

My mom replied "Whatever your teachers are, they have full-time jobs, which is more than a lot of people can say." My mom gave my sister Lisa a disap- pointed look. Lisa was well known for showing little respect for hard-working people. To her it didn't matter how much you gave back to society, it only mattered how much money you made.

That’s a very black and white way to look at things.

After the rerun of lentil soup I washed the dishes per my mom's orders and headed to the shower. I sat on the floor of the tub thinking about Abbi, barely feeling the water as it hit my chest.

Sat on the floor... while water hits your chest? Are you like sitting with your back arched so the water can hit your chest?

This imagery is so odd.

I was so consumed with what I had seen that I had completely forgotten the note until that moment. I quickly reached over to my pants resting on the toilette.

Why the fuck did you spell toilet like that?

That’s literally the word for ‘toilet’ but in French. It isn’t a spelling used in English. It just makes you sound even more pretentious.

Also, he reached over to the toilet to grab the note from his pants while he’s in the shower?

It’s gonna get wet, you idiot.

I had hoped I read it wrong the first time and that it would make sense with a second look only to see it read exactly what I gathered in my initial passing glance. "NISEONE"

I fucking hate you, Onion.

This literally looks like you scrambled your screen name up.

Die.

In a fire.

I mumbled to myself. I joked with the idea in my head that she handed me the wrong note but still assumed it wasn't a failed attempt to say "Nice one," which could be taken as a compliment if you were desperate enough.

That joke, while just a little funnier, is still fucking lame.

Seconds into looking at the note my eyes widened, having figured out what it meant, I jumped up slipping to my feet and screamed "YEAH!!!" I had cracked it, only to immediately after feel completely stupid for not having figured it out sooner.

I’m just done functioning.

My mom screamed through the door from her bedroom "WHAT?" I responded "Sorry! Nothing!" I hurried to finish showering.

I’d just assume he got really into jerking off.

I’ll see myself out.

Staring at my phone wearing only a towel, I smiled as I typed in "NISEONE" or "647-3663" into the number keys.

That is the most cryptic and strange way to give someone your phone number.

I assumed we shared the same area code otherwise she likely would have given me a longer sequence of letters and I was right. After two rings I got an answer. "What do you want?" a disgruntled man's voice asked.

This... This girl gave this guy a home phone number?

I guess that’s fine since this is probably set in the early 2000′s, but it’s still odd.

Like a bad engine struggling to start in a monster movie I clumsily belted out a response "I... uh... I was looking for..." An unenthusiastic female voice in the background said, "Give me the phone." "Whatever" he said dropping phone in front of her.

James can apparently see through the phone, or he wouldn’t know that probably Abbi’s dad did this.

"Hello?" I could recognize the voice now it was Abbi.

Trying to hide my excitement by maintaining a normal tone I said, "This is James." Abbi excitedly screamed

Like how girls screamed in Disney Channel shows?

That’s ridiculous.

and responded "Oh my god you figured it out!" Hearing her optimistic tone I laughed saying, "So... why..." She interrupted. "I was hoping to find out if you figured out what you're bringing to art class."

Why the hell didn’t you just fucking ask? Or give him your regular phone number? This is just unnecessarily complicated.

I said "Oh!" and looked quickly around my room. I couldn't see anything immediately so I just said, "I'll... surprise you!" She then replied "Oh come on, tell me." My eyes locked on to a plausible item for the project. "How about my... bear... I'll bring my bear!"

You’re okay with destroying a teddy bear? Okay, I guess.

I said. She replied "Oh, ok, oh! I have an idea. Instead of the cage, I'll bring in a stuffed animal of mine and we'll make like, a zombie bear."

Sounds fine.

I don’t care.

You guys are fucking boring.

I laughed "Awesome" I said. "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow ok?" she replied happily. I answered "Ok, byeee."

I would appreciate it if you would fuck off.

I can’t believe this shit is on GoodReads.

Just before she hung up I could still hear her laughing, leaving me with a sense of accomplishment and a lasting smile as if it were painted across my face.

That’s the end of chapter one?

Oh god, okay.

That was.

Terrible.

The characters are bland and flavorless and I cannot get attached to any of them. I can already tell I’m going to completely despise this.

I’ll see you next time. I need to go think about my life.

~Kat

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lesdemonium · 4 years

Note

Okay so I know this is not your usual content but your tags about the end of frozen 2? I have been feeling frustrated about the cop out ending since I saw it and I really want the full version of that rant

oh my god anon bless you

Fair warning to anyone about to read this: I’m going spoilers-heavy into Frozen 2, which I feel should be obvious because I’m talking about the ending. It’s also extremely long. I put it under a cut to try to be mindful, but I also know Tumblr is a dumpster fire, so for that I am sorry.

Okay, so when I say that Frozen 2 had a cop-out ending, what I’m referring to is the complete and utter lack of consequences. The entire movie we’re building to Arendelle having growth and facing consequences for the actions of their colonization and attempt to strip the Northuldra of their resources. This build up includes Elsa sacrificing her life to “drown” in the River Ahtohallan in order to see the truth and, more importantly, show Anna the truth. This build up includes Olaf being another sacrifice that Elsa made, that also spurns Anna on to make the hard choice. The hard choice is destroying Arendelle in order to right the wrongs of her grandfather.

Only, none of that happens, and the build up is for nothing. Due to magical Deus Ex Machina (literally defined as “an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.” which could not be more apt here), Elsa wakes up, jumps on a magical water horse, and saves Arendelle at the last second. Then, for good measure, recreates Olaf and, because “water has memory,” Olaf is exactly the same Olaf he was before, rather than Olaf the third or whatever.

From a storytelling perspective, this is cheap. Elsa and Anna’s sacrifices meant nothing. At the end, everything was tied up with a neat little bow, even though it didn’t make sense narratively-speaking for that to happen. And I do get it, from a capitalistic perspective. Elsa and Olaf carry this movie for the vast majority of their audience (even though, let’s be real, Kristoff stole the show in this one, and who wasn’t a little [a lot] into Anna being the smartest person in the room?). They can’t just “kill off” Elsa and Olaf. When writing this I was even thinking “Oh, but it would be interesting if the third movie was about them trying to save Elsa” but, honestly, that wouldn’t be a very long third movie and these characters are too much of a cash-cow for them to end a movie without them.

But by not destroying Arendelle, despite leading up to that for literally the entire movie (I mean, they evacuated the town in the first, like, 15 min! Come on!), the ending just feels cheap. There are no consequences to any of the actions, which makes it feel like they weren’t even sacrifices. “Oh, but the character’s didn’t know that, Zoe!” Dramatic irony only gets you so far; it shouldn’t be the basis of your entire plot and ruin re-viewing. Elsa’s sacrifice didn’t matter. Something magical swooped in and saved the day at the last second, which means she didn’t actually have to give up anything except a few hours. As a viewer, how am I supposed to trust a movie series after this? It’s the same reason why, after a while, the Marvel movies started feeling cheap and pointless: if no one is ever actually dead, then why should I care when they die? Where is the emotional payoff? They’re just going to come back, and maybe not even act like it happened.

From a child development standpoint, this becomes even worse. Movies are an extremely good way to practice emotions for kiddos. In movies, kids can practice seeing, feeling, and expressing any number of emotions, which if you’ve ever tried to explain emotions to kids, is very difficult (thank you, Inside Out, you revolutionized child therapy). And certain movies are better for this than others. For example, basically anything by Don Bluth is amazing. Movies that deal with heavy concepts such as death, abandonment, loneliness, grief, etc etc etc, but then have a happy ending are amazing for young children to watch and practice those feelings before they have to experience them at all (or to deal with what they already have experienced).

What I particularly like about Don Bluth films? The most devastating moments, they aren’t fixed. Littlefoot’s mom doesn’t come back to life. Charlie’s watch stops saving Anna Marie. But in all of those movies, they find happiness and peace, and it shows kids that even if bad things happen, things will be okay. Okay just has to look different now. That doesn’t mean it stops hurting, but the bad things that happened won’t feel as big for your entire life. Life will continue on and you will find new happiness and love.

Hell, that’s something we, as adults, need to be reminded of every once in a while.

Frozen 2 didn’t do this. Instead of finding a cathartic ending, they just fixed everything. But where, in real life, is a magic woman going to freeze over a flood to stop your city from being destroyed? “But, Zoe, this movie has a talking snowman, no one is looking at it looking for realism.” Five year olds are. For five year olds, fiction and reality do blur. They don’t want to just be like Elsa and Anna, they want to actually be them. This is not to say that kids are stupid--if you know me at all, you know that I think kids are some of the most brilliant confused little beings there are. They do the best with the information and the knowledge of the world they have. They know that talking snowmen aren’t real, but with young enough kids, when you read “The Old Woman Who Swallowed the Fly,” you have to say something like “but not really” after every page so they don’t think she’ll actually die and become distressed part-way through the book. Literally. We read a Thanksgiving-version of this to preschoolers once and the teacher said “But not really” every time, so that the kids didn’t go home afraid of their Thanksgiving dinner because of a book they read at school.

It’s because of this difficulty with parsing fiction from reality that makes movies and other media so important for practicing emotions. For that hour and a half that they’re watching the movie, it is real, and parts of it will carry on into their everyday life (and I don’t just mean singing “Let It Go” for five hours straight, I mean little girls seeing a black woman in a wedding gown and thinking she’s literally the princess from one of their favorite books, and paying kindness forward with their joy).

So with that in mind, wouldn’t it have been more beneficial to show Arendelle being destroyed? And showing the fallout with that? And how this is really sad, and we’re all really scared, but thank goodness we have each other and everyone was already out of the city. Thank goodness we are able to rebuild and take this opportunity to right our past wrongs, bring back the people we lost, and replace all the material items that were destroyed, because we have the people that matter most to us. Things will always be different, but, to quote Olaf, “We’re calling this controlling what you can when things feel out of control.” Let’s focus on what we can control, so we feel less hopeless. That line made me think that Disney was actually going to go through with this. But instead, because everything was fixed in some unrealistic way, Olaf’s words feel just as cheap as Elsa’s “death.” There was no follow-through, there was no hope for the children who have survived a flood, who will survive a flood, or any other sort of disaster. I mean, hell, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic. As a child educator, I would have loved to be able to point at Frozen 2 and go “You know how Arendelle was destroyed and everyone was really sad and scared for the future? But it was okay, because they still had the people they loved around them? That’s what this quarantine is like. Things are going to be different, and that’s really scary, but we will be okay, just like Anna and Elsa and Olaf are.”

And, honestly, I didn’t hate the movie. I did hate Frozen 1, but I think this movie did have a lot of strengths. But the ending was not, at all, one of them. They were building up to a really cathartic ending, and instead they cheated their viewers. Not to get too nebulous, because this is a related but technically different discussion, but helicopter parents are detrimental to kids for the same reason. If we spend all of our time trying to condescend to children that everything is wonderful and perfect all the time, nothing bad happens, and negative emotions are bad, then we are creating is kids that do not trust us (because they know better) and are ill-prepared for when bad things do happen in their lives.

#frozen #frozen 2 #please don't kill me #i still enjoyed the movie #i just think the ending was bad #hope this was what you were looking for anon!!#Anonymous

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mxwormie · 5 years

Text

i ranted a little

warning: mentions of sexual content, mentions of incest, mentions of pedophilia

this resurgence of the problem with porn artists working on children’s cartoons is making me think about my fandom experience when i was a young teenager

i definitely got exposed to more than i asked for when i started using the internet more when i was around 12 years old and interested in anime/manga but it got much worse when i got into homestuck

the VAST over-sexualization i was exposed to in the homestuck fandom even at age 14 absolutely normalized a lot of not so good things for me. obviously i could relate to the 13 yr old homestuck characters and like i can barely remember my first reactions to reading homestuck back then but i do remember getting deep into fanart and fanfiction unlike i had with other fandoms.

pretty soon i was introduced to explicit slash fiction and somewhere along the line it was normalized for me to see young characters aged up for that kind of thing. i had friends who were into it and would share it with me, especially when i got into high school. i started using tumblr more and meeting people in online spaces

i started getting into roleplaying, which was RIFE with sexual content. i had older friends online that seemed to have no problem sharing explicit fanart and fanfiction with me??? when i was 15-17 years old??? and this is all still within the homestuck fandom. the friends i had back then were into incest shipping and just like everything else i just went with it. it freaks me out to think back on it!!!!! i’ve come a long way from there thankfully but my experience the homestuck fandom was extremely oversaturated with sexual and problematic content. dear god so much pedophilic and incest stuff was normal in the homestuck fandom

and it seriously blurred the lines about what kind of content was okay!! i’m 20+ now and would never consider consuming or making content of minor characters but when i was a teenager in the homestuck fandom i did a lot of that and it didn’t seem weird to me because of everything. it’s also a strange situation with the characters being aged up at the last minute in “canon” so??? idk its weird

i guess my point is that older fans and creators need to be more careful :/

i’m like too scared to go into anime tags sometimes even with h*ntai blacklisted because there’s always people drawing fuckin naked teenagers!! it’s fucked up but the worse thing is obvs these types of people being accepted onto mainstream cartoon shows and unapologetically being associated with pornographic material of young characters. it pisses me off

so many people have had horrible things happen to them due to exposure to sexual fan content at a young age and no one deserves that. i wish show-runners would take a stronger stance against pedophilia in fandom or it’s only going to get worse

if you agree with saying “let artists do what they want” then please block me

the priority should be protecting young people no matter what

tl;dr: artists should be held accountable, i think fandoms are over-sexualized, and pedophilia is always wrong

#long post /#text heavy /#hs /

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acrcsstheuniversee · 5 years

Text

Good Enough For Me

Pairing: Paul McCartney circa 1962 x John Lennon circa 1978 (McLennon)

Rating: Mature, readers 18+

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of porn and sex work

Words in this chapter: 1800+

Author’s Note:

Here it is! Refer to my summary and introduction post if you haven’t done so for more disclaimers, visuals, tag list info, and more.

*Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles. This is fiction and written for leisure. Aspects of the story will not be historically accurate and should not be taken extremely seriously.

Chapter 1

Already a month into the semester, Paul found himself struggling to keep up with his studies. He tried his best to focus on typing an essay on the history of guitars that’s due the next day by 10 a.m. but just couldn’t get himself to do it. Not like it was hard or anything; he just hated doing what he’s told, especially if it was something he didn’t care about. He just wanted to do music but having a degree is a necessity now.

He pressed the home button on his cracked phone screen to see that it was already midnight. He was only half way done with the assignment that could’ve taken him only 30 minutes if he wasn’t writing songs in between paragraphs.

It was all too much anyways. American universities have much more homework assignments than back in England. Times like these made him question whether or not going out of the country for school was worth it. There almost seemed like there were more cons than pros in his decision. He lacked resources, he didn’t have any friends or family here except his roommate/best friend George, he was poorer than ever, and must work and attend school part-time. If he stayed in Liverpool and just continued school locally, he probably would’ve earned his degree by now; but now he’s what Americans consider a “super senior” because he’s 21 years old with the amount of classes completed equivalent to a third year student. Despite the struggle, all of it was better than his father dictating his every move.

He shut his laptop, giving up on the assignment and leaned back into his desk chair, rubbing his tired droopy eyes.

He had two classes and work tomorrow. The thought of them made him roll his eyes. Music history from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., a business class he couldn’t remember the name of from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., and work right after at a restaurant nearby as a dishwasher, and occasionally performer if the artist they booked cancelled that night.

He yawned as he got up and slide into his bed. Before shutting his eyes, he turned his head and looked directly across the tiny dorm room to his right to see his childhood best friend and roommate, George Harrison sound asleep.

Paul really needs to take a note out of George’s book and sleep earlier. These late nights are just stressing him out more and more.

***

“Paul….. PAUL! Get up!”

Paul jolted up right when a sudden raised voice rang in his ear. His eyes met George’s signature judgemental look. One of his thick brows cocked and his lips curved awkwardly. He was already ready to go to class.

“Ah, what time is it?”

“9:30. I woke you up 30 minutes before hand because I just know you aren’t going to get up to the 9:45 alarm unless you expect to make it to your first class in 15 minutes,” George teased.

George is a pain in the ass and a know-it-all, but Paul loved him dearly. He comes off mean sometimes but Paul knows it’s just because he’s younger and feels the need to prove himself. Paul was used to it after all this time but sometimes, that boy needs to know when his criticisms cross the line. Despite being a dick sometimes, they’re both grateful to be going to the same college together. It was one in a million chances for George to land the same US college as Paul just a year after Paul’s acceptance.

“Okay, whatever. You have a point, I guess.” Paul groaned and rolled out of bed.

“I know I do, ha. I’ll see you later.” George messed up his friend’s darkhair more than it already was, making Paul swat his hand away.

When George left, Paul finally got ready and headed off to class with his incomplete essay.

Everyone was already seated and the professor was setting up today’s powerpoint lecture when he finally arrived. Paul sat down in the back where he’s been since the beginning of the semester. It hasn’t been a problem until a girl started to sit near him everyday since last week. When group or partnered work was assigned, she would often ask him to join her. She was kind, but Paul knew she liked him. She couldn’t make it less obvious. They would make small talk here and there---just about classes and hobbies. She was also very good at piano just as Paul was, but not too good on guitar though she claims to be.

He felt her looking at him, making him turn his head to find out he was right. She just smiled and waved. Paul nodded and gave her a small smile in return, trying not to show too much emotion, afraid she would like that too much. She already had the wrong idea but he didn’t want to be mean about it. Paul was not interested in the slightest and, he was gay. Found that out in high school and hasn’t been too shy about it since then.

When class ended, Paul left immediately to his second class to avoid conversation with anyone. This next one was business related which is something he also could care less about. He was a bit behind in this one too, but this time, he truly didn’t understand the material. He definitely needed a tutor soon.

Not much happened other than him writing mini poems all over his in-class assignment. He didn’t even bother erasing any of it before turning it in at the end of class.

Paul sighed as he made himself to his busboy job right off campus. Before stepping inside, he felt his phone vibrate. It was his dad. Ugh, he thought but answered.

“I’m about to go into work, Dad. What is it?”

“Well, hello to you too. I was just wondering how the first month in the states have been. I haven’t heard from you.”

“It’s fine.”

“Just fine? Have you got a chance to tour places? You should send me photos.”

“No and no. I don’t want you to be sending the pictures to your friends as if you helped me get here. I know you do that.”

Paul heard his father sigh.

“Just text me when you get home and tell George I said hi.”

“Okay, bye.” Paul said before hanging up and walking into his shift.

It seemed harsh but his dad was a selfish prick. He loves to be in control of everything. He was the reason Paul came to the states to study. All he wanted was to ride the wave of success his two sons have been achieving.

In all truthfulness, Paul stopped believing his dad’s bullshit after mom died about 6 years ago. His dad seemed to have lost his way but Paul couldn’t be around all the time if he had a dream to follow. It’s been rough without his mom around but Paul had to do what he was right for him, even if that meant getting away from his dad which is something even she would’ve supported.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how irritating school and his dad were during his shift. The rude coworkers and customers didn’t help his case at all. This wasn’t new though. Paul was used to working constantly in some shape or form. The only problem this time is that he needed more money now that he’s completely independent from his father.

“Hey, busboy!” his boss called out to the dishroom from the back office. Paul rolled his eyes and went to see what he wanted.

“Yes?”

“I have to cut your hours in half. Here is your new schedule. You’re off now, so don’t wash another dish.”

“In half?” Paul took the schedule and saw that his income now would not suffice his monthly tuition payments, let alone some money for necessities. “You’ve got to be shitting me. Why?”

“We can’t afford to pay you. I’m sorry, kid.” he said nonchalantly.

“Will I be able to perform sometimes still?”

“Ehh, sure.” he said as he continued his paperwork, not even looking at Paul.

Paul rolled his eyes again. Could his life get any more annoying? He let out a sigh and clocked out. Now what, he thought making his way home.

When he got home George was playing his computer games with his big headphones to fit on his large ears. The younger man didn’t even notice his friend come in until one side of his headphones was pulled and slapped against his head.

“Hey!” George readjusted himself then paused his game to face Paul with his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“My hours got slashed.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope, hah.”

George frowned.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Are you going to find another job?”

“Well, I’m going to have to because I will not be asking my dad for help.” Paul said as changed into his pajamas and hopped onto his bed.

George sighed. Paul just stared at his friend for a moment, not knowing what to say. This was bad news for both of them. George didn’t have the same financial issues as Paul did. He only had enough for himself. If George could help, he would---and Paul knew he would.

“I’ll think of something, George. Don’t worry.” Paul got under the covers and listened to his friend shut off his computer and lights before hopping into bed as well.

He stared at the ceiling and sighed, then began to think about all the ways he can make money quickly but none of it would be fast enough to pay his next tuition bill. He rubbed his eyes. It was beginning to stress him out the more he thought of it and he just wanted it to all stop for a second.

Ah fuck it, he thought before whipping out his phone and started to scroll through his favorite porn blog on Tumblr. What better way to forget about things than looking at some sexy pictures of guys?

Paul scrolled until he ran into a post that was by a male sex worker selling nude photos and thought hard to himself. It was a young guy about his age selling his photos for $25 a piece and a private snapchat story for $5 per friend request and $15 extra for screenshot privileges.

Paul bit his lip nervously. It’s been a couple years since he did sex work. All he did was some cam work, sold some nude photos, and made customized videos for people on the internet. He remembered enjoying it but there was always the parts he hated that made the job extremely draining like any other job.

He laid there staring at the screen. He must admit, it was tempting to dive in again but he was afraid what George would think.

“George… Maybe I should go back into sex work…” Paul said suddenly.

George didn’t reply. He just snored in in response. That bastard.

Paul sighed and continued to scroll through sex work blogs, inspired by the possibilities until he slowly drifted to sleep.

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