#is it even non binary if low-key there is no binary to begin with

[b0tsbby]

Do (personally) enjoy when an author questions or outright explores knives and conforming to a human constructed gender binary cause honestly like, yea. Why.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2024 Anime Overview: Senpai is an Otokonoko

Aoi falls for an older girl, Makoto, and one day she confesses love to her senpai. But then Makoto reveals that he is an otokonoko- a crossdressing boy. Much to Makoto’s surprise, this only increases Aoi’s attraction, as she’s 100 percent supportive of crossdressing and ecstatic about getting to enjoy both the “boy” and “girl” versions of her senpai. Complicating things is Makoto’s best friend Ryuji, who has a huge crush on Makoto even though he won’t admit it to himself.

Meanwhile, Makoto is dealing with an incredibly transphobic mother, so he hides himself at home and lives in fear she’ll find out that he’s crossdressing at school.

This is a sweet, heartfelt, queer show with some very good kids and a lot of sad and happy feels. Prepare for heartstrings to be tugged. I grew very attached to the main trio in various ways,as they all have their own individual struggles related to gender, sexuality and heteronormative society. They're going through it, but they always work to understand and accept each other.

Makoto is obviously the central focus with the Gender of it All, and you see him struggle to navigate a world that sees gender in strict binary terms and tries to limit the ways he can live. The show strikes a good balance in showing the heartbreaking obstacles Makoto deals with but also showing the joy he finds in unexpected acceptance, affirmation, and connection. It’s sad when he tries to force himself to be ‘normal’ but it’s all the more heartwarming when his loved ones support him being who he truly is. A big focus of the show is Makoto trying to figure out if he wants to “live as a girl” as the show puts it, or if his relationship with his gender is something else.

I was surprised at how much I liked Ryuji, he might be my favorite. His struggle with his internalized homophobia and his yearning for Makoto literally made me cry at one point, which is rare for me with media. Plus, he’s just a sweet kid and good friend who puts up a laughably paper-thin "tough" front and you want good things for him. And that’s true for all the characters.

Aoi is a character who starts off as a comedic genki girl, (and to some she even initially came off as a chaser, but as her layers peeled back it becomes clear that’s not the case).  I liked her from the beginning despite her being A Lot but I was concerned she might boil down to the unfailingly Cheerful Girl Who Supports Makoto—but she gains a tremendous amount of depth once her backstory and personal struggles start to unfold.

Honestly, she really resonates with me as an ace person and her storyline seems primed to head in that direction, but I’m not naïve enough to think I’m going to get an actual asexual storyline where we examine how some people simply don’t feel romantic and/or sexual attraction and can still be fulfilled…and yeah, judging from the few spoilers I’ve seen, it’s not about that. It’s a bit disappointing, since it would really fit in with a show so focused on non-heteronormative sexuality, but y’know. We’re used to it. I never expect much. I will be interested in how it unfolds in the movie and hope whatever story they choose will at least be well told.

So basically, the show not only presents a love triangle where not only do you want all of them to be happy (sadly poly will not be the answer) BUT also a love triangle where each person thinks it would be better for their so-called "rival" to end up with their crush because they all love each other and want each other to be happy, but they all think very little of themselves. Amazing. A love triangle that’s truly all love but in the most hurtful way possible.

Aoi, Makoto, and Ryuji’s bond is really the star of the show for me more than any independent relationship and (though if I had to choose the friendship between Aoi and Ryuji is low-key the cutest to me).

There’s not many caveats to this show, obviously it examines transphobia in sometimes heartbreaking ways, and Ryuji’s internalized homophobia can be rough (I wish someone would directly tell him he’s not gross). I did find the pacing to be way too rushed in early episodes, but it evened out as it went on.

For something that’s neither good or bad: one thing that was noticeable about the show is it really avoided any queer terminology, in a way a lot of modern queer manga doesn’t. Again, this isn’t a bad things, and I honestly wouldn’t have noticed if one of the characters hadn’t met an older queer person (which is great! Love it when older queer people help the younger generation and show them they’re not alone)—yet this person doesn’t share any kind of specifics and how they identify is kept ambiguous, though they clearly have been to drag clubs/communities at the very least (as a blink and you miss it thing). In some ways, this might be purposeful, it felt like the story wanted the characters to be applicable to a lot of queer experiences, and one of the main points of the show is Makoto’s uncertainty about his own identity and not feeling comfortable in certain categories. Labels don’t work for everyone.

However, a few more specifics felt like it would help with adding context to some of the characters. Does Ryuji know other gay men exist? Does he think he’s the only one? I honestly have no idea. There is a possibility of these kids getting to know a wider community that seems tantalizing but unlikely to be capitalized on and sometimes the show’s desire to be nebulous about all this can feel like a missed opportunity.

Overall, I think this is a touching, worthwhile show about affirmation and love and the complexities of being queer in a limiting society. And of course that means a bunch of homophobes review bombed it because they apparently just now realized queer stories have always been a big part of anime. Knowing this makes it even clearer that shows like this make an impact and deserve support, and I’m really glad a movie to wrap things up has already been announced.

Give this show a watch, and maybe bring some tissues.

[toy-capsule]

barbie movie rewrite because it was okay but i know how it couldve been better

ya so i've only watched the movie once and actively as i was watching it i was thinking of ways to rework the plot.. and i wrote none of it down after i saw it. but i like this website and i should post here more so here's my nonsense thoughts :)

so couple of main changes need to take place for this movie to work as a proper feminist movie in my opinion. making it perfect or overly nuanced isn't my idea of fixing it; I would much rather improve the fundamental message and conclusion so it isn't a specifically flawed intro to feminism because that is a really valuable thing for movie's in this climate to be.

change 1: alan deserved better!

one of the biggest philosophy's of feminism i believe in is intersectionality. alan is in a very interesting spot in the barbie world which i believe makes him uniquely suited for the movie's core conflict- an opportunity that the writers squandered (number one pathetic character apologist here). anyways, from what ive seen in the commentary and reactions this movie has, is that like weird barbie, alan is seen as a bit of a queer icon. but instead of his typical pre-movie interpretation of him just being a gay man, ive witnessed many also head canon them as non-binary as well (I'll stick to he/they pronouns for them here!) because of how much he chooses to associate with the barbies over the kens more often than not. i cannot believe that this wasn't explored more in the conclusion.

this leads me into my main argument for alan- instead of simply inspiring the resolution they should've been a much more important key player. how this might happen starts with the dance off in the third act. i think that pitting the kens against each other here was a pretty low blow narratively, it really establishes a pretty unfortunate theme for the ending which is just division between the two groups. (the barbie movie is really just misogyny but in reverse and doesn't attempt to fix any of the problems it acknowledges.) instead of infantilizing the kens -which was fine at the beginning of the movie for shits and giggles but became less funny and more frustrating as the movie went on- i think a much more productive start to the beach dance-off scene could've been alan trying to talk sense into the kens (like gloria does for the brainwashed barbies.) it would have needed to fail at this point for the sake of conflict but it would have brought in an easy applicable solution for our real life equivalent of misogyny into the narrative - men (and those apart of their sphere socially) talking to and checking their fellow peers when they are doing sexist shit

after the barbies take over the supreme court and do their thing we have a bit of tension to resolve still. even though gosling's stereotypical ken (sken) has discovered that he is kenough, that can't be said for the rest of the ken's. liu's ken #2 (real character name) should probably be the one to try to enforce the patriarchy just because of the preestablished tension. i think it would be a wonderful moment to see sken stand up to him properly here and really acknowledge alan's message here of respecting the other Barbie's as people and friends (shout out ace stereotypical barbie!) rather than objects. additionally they ask for respect in turn (equal representation on the supreme court because that ending was so foul wtf) also maybe some hand holding action because i am nothing if not a poly sken/alan/ken2 shipper- this is still a tumblr analysis what did you expect)

change 2: ruth shouldn't have been god, barbie should've

barbie becoming human at the end was weird and gross. who would actually want to be human? i'm sorry but if i lived as an inspirational concept to little girls around the world i think i would've taken that power a bit more seriously.

i'm so glad ruth was included in this movie and she should still play a key part in barbie's crisis and development. but.. instead of being god i think she should've acted more as a guiding spirit to barbie or a silly (possibly vengeful - literally just for fun i have no basis for this) ghost haunting mattel. after all, all of barbie's power comes from being an idea that can persevere throughout generations, and ruth is well... dead. i think instead of asking to become human when she got agency the conversation shouldve gone a bit more like this : ruth: what do you want barbie? barbie: honestly i don't know, is that normal? ruth: yes honey, (big dramatic monolouge about not rushing to find purpose.. etc) barbie: after everything that's happened i still dont feel like i belong ruth : that's okay too. you have all the time in the universe to decide what you want to be, youre in control of your own destiny barbie: the universe sounds nice actually, but there is one thing i need to do before i go *she fucking obliterates mattel's ceo and thats how she debuts as god*

not the best but better than her going to the fucking gyno as an ending

minor changes!

I think gloria and sasha should have gotten more development, making them mirror ruth and barbie wouldve been a nice touch. maybe an ending or after credits scene depicting the two of them having a similar conversation to the one i just described would have been silly. (also please take sasha more seriously that girl is right about everything and is listened to only a third of the time she actually gets lines. she could've been an excellent dead-pan comedic foil to the more absurdist jokes of the film, under utilized fave) big opportunity to make that conversation absolutely unhinged too:

gloria: you can be whatever you want in life kid sasha: *actively pinning up pictures of warner bros ceo david zaslav on a bulletin board with a big red x and looks directly into the camera* I know mom <3

mattel's depiction was barely passable. i have had enough of major companies being posed as villains but keeping them silly and unthreatening- its unfaithful and disrespectful to real life. start them off as silly and shitty, thats fine. it matches the tone of the movie- but as parallels between real life and the movie converge in the third act, mattel should start acting like the predatory company they actually are.

their investment in reinstating barbie as supreme leader over ken despite him making more money in the name of "feminism" would have never in a star death ever happen. literally the entire board only being men was a joke they really fucking made and still had them supporting women- it ruins the entire thesis of the movie and makes the message muddy. fix that, keep them forcefully trying to pair up barbie and ken but change it so its true life: nothing more than an effort to make more of a profit and bring patriarchy to barbieland. this would've brough the climax to an apex and match the stakes to my barbie god conclusion.

anyways yeah i loved the artistic direction of this movie and the casting but not much else! let me know if i missed anything and thx for reading

[thechaosqueenishere]

So my brain is doing funky things again, and today funky things is a new fan fiction.

I tend to make a lot of "kids of the Egos" stories cause I love that shit, so I give you my newest idea:

Little Wonders Library

Vik and Ellie opened/run a library together, the little wonders library, which low-key is a front to collect the kids of the Egos and as a safe place for them. Except for the two none of them know about their parents "special" problems, most don't even really know the respective parent.

For the characters we have:

Vik

25

Marvin's kid

non-binary (they/them)

owner of the library

magic powers (more freestyle like marv)

ran away from their mother's fam, lived with their father for a long time

Moira

25

Vik's Twin sister

straightn't

magic powers ("proper" magic she studied/s at a magic circle)

lives with her mother's family (rich stuck-up assholes)

Elaina (Ellie/El)

23

Anti's daughter

professional sugar addict

manager of the library

protective (low-key adopts everyone younger than her, especially Lydia and Abby)

has a little anger management problem

inherited her father's powers

Lydia

20

JJ's daughter

history student

part time employee to pay for her tuition(+easy access to every book)

chronic people pleaser/tend to pile on way too much work for herself

Abigail (Abby)

16

intern/apprentice? Idk

Chase's daughter

new to the mix

has no contact to her dad

Might have a brother

Jacob

20

Schneep's son

medicine student

either a friend of Lydia or he'll show up later idk yet

Probs gonna have a sibling too

Kathie

21(?)

Jackie's daughter

shows up later

superpowers like Jackie

This one is very Jse Ego specific, but others might also play a role, depending on what the story does.

Storywise I don't have much now, but I have an idea (that I don't really wanna use as a beginning but maybe the beginning of the action)

I kinda wanna try to write this and post it here, if I find the motivation to do so. So if that's something someone wants to read, feel free to bully me into posting if I'm not fast enough.

I also have a bunch of other "kids of the Egos" stories and ideas, if anyone is interested in that (mainly septics and ipliers, but we have blank and nwtb egos too sometimes)

[thatonebirdwrites]

I'm low-key obsessed with this article. Mushrooms and fungi as queer theory? It's so well written and just so convincing, and I absolutely adore it. My Elivera worldbuild is an alien planet that's dominant species tend to be mycellium networks, so reading this made me extra excited. Fungi are absolutely fascinating. I mean just read the introduction: (Then go read the whole thing so we can chat about it please): Hasmik Djoulakian and Patricia Kaishian writes:

Clustered in supergroup Opisthokonta, fungi, animals, and amoebae share a more recent common ancestor than with plants or bacteria. The vegetated environment that enabled the transition of animals to land and evolution of amphibians, reptiles, birds, then mammals, was bound to symbiotic fungi known as mycorrhizae. Over 90 percent of plants form these associations (Smith & Read, 2008), and myceliated landscapes sustain cascades of nested biological systems, from which every evolutionary layer of our human biology is indistinguishable, arising and persisting in conviviality with fungi or fungal-bound organisms. As terraforming bodies, fungal transindividualism is our collective ecological history. Fungi are engaged in continual processes of renewal, interfacing with death, creating life through decomposition, nutrient reallocation, and the spectrum of symbiosis. Fungi can remediate environments by digesting fossil fuels and converting them into fungal sugars. Fungi can accumulate heavy metals and radioactive materials, and a fungus has even been found to metabolize ionizing Cesium-137 in the reactors of Chernobyl. Both single cellular forms and filamentous, hyphal networks of fungi can be found in almost any conceivable niche: of, on, within, and for human and nonhuman bodies.

Despite this dynamic profile of fungi complex social histories have influenced outcomes and trajectories of mycology, rendering it a marginalized science. Kingdom Fungi has been persistently maligned, feared, and misunderstood, and these cultural forces have directly sabotaged scientific understanding of this group for hundreds of years. In Western Europe and in the United States particularly, children are typically raised to fear all mushrooms, which are unilaterally viewed as poisonous, diseased, and degenerate. Although science, in its ideal form, should be an equal-opportunity investigative methodological tool, we know that the history of modern science has been disproportionately written by white, often Christian, men from Western Europe, excluding other voices. Consequently, dominant cultural lenses—heteronormativity, racism, sexism, ableism, and binaries inherent to them—have influenced scientific understandings.

Tiokasin Ghosthorse, a member of the Cheyenne River Lakota Nation of South Dakota and scholar at Yale Divinity School and the Yale School of Forestry and Environmental Science, explores relational and egalitarian thinking processes familiar to the Lakota people, as compared to rational, hierarchical thinking processes within Western cultures. Ghosthorse says that, for Lakota people, language is inherently relational and all things are bound together. Ghosthorse (2019) writes,

The rational mind is the human living within the hierarchy of a box that seeks to capture it through its own narcissistic addiction to the anthropocentrism of a society or a people who hold themselves up as somehow more grandiose than others in that box of conscience. It deadens the intuitive or non-dogmatic life. This is where the separation begins—with a concept and a word that doesn’t exist within many intuitive languages, such as Lakota. That word is domination. (paras. 10–11)

By invoking rationality over intuition to defend a viewpoint, a person makes the assertion that the intuitive—often feminized—lens is neither legitimate nor legible, with no footing in any discursive cultural space. Often with derision, it is written out of the conversation. Such disregard for intuition is part of the pathway toward domination that Ghosthorse describes. Dualistic thinking about life and non-life, male and female, and other categories Ghosthorse alludes to, permeate mycophobic discourse.

Western scientific thinking seeks security through objective assessment, but objectivity is meaningless when it comes to gender and queerness because attempts to determine the bounds of queerness are already exercises of power. Donna Haraway (1988) discusses the falsity of objectivity in her essay on situated knowledges, which describes the partial perspective any one person is able to have depending on sociopolitical factors influencing their gaze; these partial perspectives form a patchwork of messy, layered knowledge that inches toward some measure of shifting objectivity. This encourages rethinking scientific endeavors not as observations of subjects, but as interactions with them. Similarly, fungi defy objectivity and standardization. Specifically, sporadic, ephemeral, and unpredictable appearances of fruiting bodies complicates mycologists’ ability to obtain thorough population data. The complex biotic and abiotic forces that lead to a species producing a fruiting body remain unknown in many cases. While some fungi, like some species of morels, can be reliably found in the same place on more or less the same calendar day every year, other species, such as members of genus Ionomidotus, may be seen once in a given location and then never again. But is its mycelium still present in that spot? We often do not know. If so, does that count as being present? Then there is the issue of quantification of an individual. If you find a scattered grouping of mushrooms growing around a tree, are they one genetic individual? If so, do you quantify them as one mushroom? Or do you count the number of mushrooms, reporting them as individuals? There is not a clear and universally applied answer to these questions. This lack of conformity to quantifiable boxes has put many fungi at a greater risk of extinction. Their biological realities are not given necessary accommodations in our current conservation assessment framework, whose attempts to standardize data diminish many essential properties of fungi. Interrogating our dualistic, mycophobic view of fungi—and our often pathologizing attempts to understand them—can help make Science more accountable.

Mycology is a science that, by its very nature, challenges paradigms and deconstructs norms. Mycology disrupts our mostly binary conception of plants versus animals, two-sex mating systems, and discrete organismal structure, calling upon non-normative, multimodal methodologies for knowledge acquisition. Mycelium is the web-like network of fungal cells that extends apically through substrate, performing sex, seeking nutrients, building multispecies and multikingdom symbioses. This essay seeks to remediate our relationship with fungi and all organisms—thereby queerness—by collapsing and myceliating the emotional space between human and nonhuman. In order to do this, we explore dogma of institutional (capital S) Science, as well as the biology, history, and methodologies of mycology through a queer theory framework, as seen by a queer mycologist and a feminist educator.

Read the Rest Here.

[neowitcher]

SIZZLE REEL | ARC REVIEW

Sizzle Reel by Carlyn Greenwald ★★ 

Expected release date: 18 April 2023

Genre: LGBTQ+, Contemporary, Romance

Summary:

When aspiring cinematographer Luna Roth comes out as bisexual, things are more difficult than she’d anticipated. Her best friend Romy is thrilled for her, but Luna doesn’t even know how to flirt with a girl, doesn’t want to come out to her family, and is trying to escape her low-key abusive talent manager.

Then she meets A-list actress and debuting director Valeria Sullivan, who seems her solution to a PA job and if she is as gay as Luna assumes, her ticket to losing her bisexual virginity. But when her romantic interest begins to be reciprocated, her job prospects and relationship with Romy starts to strain. Now Luna has to figure out if she can she fulfil her dreams as a film-maker, keep her best friend, and get the girl. . . or if she’s destined to end up on the cutting room floor.

[Storygraph] [Goodreads] [Amazon]

My review (spoilers - indicated):

A sapphic bisexual romance in a film industry setting is all my heart desires but sadly, Sizzle Reel fell a bit flat. The very detailed plot description (that I seriously had to cut for this review) should have been an indication of it being messy as it tries to bring everything it can but ends up delivering very little. But not all is bad. Here is my review.

Character-wise, Luna isn’t the most appealing main character, however, I won’t hold that against her because that’s how I feel with plenty of romance leads. Her coming out as bisexual is a big part of her personality throughout the story, I get it. At times it is funny, as if she has opened the doors to bisexual superpowers or something. Other times, it just felt annoying and as if she was a totally new person who doesn’t even want to be bisexual.

[SPOILERS] Then there’s the matter of the love triangle. On the one hand, there’s Luna’s celebrity crush with whom she shares very little chemistry. Their interactions are fun, and I enjoy them together, but the romantic part feels forced, which is a shame seeing as it takes up most of the story. It does that, to then amount to nothing. The second love interest is a friends-to-lovers moment which I am a total sucker for but never really pays off. I love Romy’s presence throughout the novel and oftentimes really identify with her, but to make her a love interest, it really needed more than a sudden realisation as it had very little room for them to explore that further. Especially, after focusing most of the book on someone else. The love triangle itself wasn’t a big surprise but Luna’s eventual feelings were a bit anticlimactic. [!!!]

Maybe I should have read the synopsis better because the frustrating focus on sex and virginity is already clear there—my bad. The most important thing in the world for Luna as a baby bisexual isn’t really to feel truly accepted and take her time to figure things out, it’s to get laid. And the steamy scenes that were there were very uncomfortable. They get intimate in an Uber, out of all places, and Luna spends the entire book wanting to have “gay sex” in a heteronormative way, despite everyone telling her that “sex” isn’t a straightforward concept. Luna is a flawed character, and that’s fine, but she was far too annoying in moments like these.

When it comes to the overall story, I appreciate the film industry setting and getting to learn more about Luna working her way towards becoming a cinematographer. I honestly wish there had been more focus on that. There’s diversity aplenty, with a Jewish bisexual lead as well as cis and non-binary lesbian love interests and a whole bunch of hilarious queer humour and references. It feels over the top sometimes but to me, that might have been the slightly better part of the book.

Either the story should have been aimed at a younger audience or it should have been paced a lot better. I wouldn’t say no to another book by this author as there were a lot of relatable moments and queer media in general is always welcome. But this particular story was a miss for me and probably better suited for someone who doesn’t mind the quirks mentioned above.

Thank you to NetGalley and Knopf Doubleday for a chance to read an ARC of this book for free, in exchange for an honest review.

content warnings (slight spoilers): biphobia, outing, slight acephobia

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Travis has had both boyfriends and girlfriends since high school. But when his coworkers discovered his dating history at a board game night, they told him he couldn’t be bisexual. “Bi men don’t exist,” they said. “You’re just a confused gay guy.” Travis, 34, had brought his girlfriend with him that night, but they started calling her his “roommate” after they found out he was bi.

Santiago got an even harsher reaction when he came out to his family. “‘Bisexual’ is just code for insincere gay man” is how he said one of his relatives reacted. “He didn’t use the term ‘gay man,’” 24-year-old Santiago told me, “but I won’t repeat slurs.”

In the past couple of months, I’ve heard dozens of stories like these from bisexual men who have had their sexual orientations invalidated by family members, friends, partners, and even strangers. Thomas was called a “fence-sitter” by a group of gay men at a bar. Shirodj was told that he was “just gay but not ready to come out of the closet.” Alexis had his bisexuality questioned by a lesbian teacher who he thought would be an ally. Many of these same men have been told that women are “all a little bi” or “secretly bi” but that men can only be gay or straight, nothing else.

In other words, bisexual men are like climate change: real but constantly denied.

A full 2% of men identified themselves as bisexual on a 2016 survey from the Centers for Disease Control, which means that there are at least three million bi guys in the United States alone—a number roughly equivalent to the population of Iowa. (On the same survey, 5.5% of women self-identified as bisexual, which comes out to roughly the same number of people as live in New Jersey.) The probability that an entire state’s worth of people would lie about being attracted to more than one gender is about as close to zero as you can get.

But the idea that only women can be bisexual is a persistent myth, one that has been decades in the making. And prejudice with such deep historical roots won’t disappear overnight.

👬👫👬👫

To understand why bisexual men are still being told that their sexual orientation doesn’t exist, we have to go back to the gay liberation movement of the late 1960s. That’s when Dr. H. Sharif “Herukhuti” Williams, a cultural studies scholar and co-editor of the anthology Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men, told me that male sexual fluidity got thrown under the bus in the name of gay rights—specifically white, upper-class gay rights.

“One of the byproducts of the gay liberation movement is this…solidifying of the [sexual] binary,” Herukhuti told me, citing the Harlem Renaissance of the 1920s as a pre-Stonewall period of relatively unstigmatized sexual fluidity.

Four decades later, the gay liberation movement created a new type of man—the “modern gay man,” Herukhuti calls him—who was both “different from and similar to” the straight man. As Jillian Weiss, now the executive director of the Transgender Legal Defense Fund, wrote in a 2003 review of this same history, “gays and lesbians campaigned for acceptance by suggesting that they were ‘just like you,’ but with the single (but extremely significant exception) of [having] partners of the same sex.” Under this framework, attraction to a single gender was the unifying glue between gay men, lesbians, and straight people—bisexual people were just “confused.”

Bisexual people realized that they would have to form groups and coalitions of their own if they wanted cultural acceptance. But just as bisexual activism was gaining a foothold in the 1980s, the AIDS crisis hit, and everything changed—especially for bisexual men.

“AIDS forced certain bisexual men out [of the closet], it forced a lot of bisexual men back in, and then it killed off a number of them,” longtime bisexual activist and author Ron Suresha told me.Those deaths hindered the development of male bisexual activism at a particularly critical moment. “A number of men who would have been involved and were involved in the early years of the bi movement died—and they died early and they died quickly,” bisexual writer Mike Syzmanski recalled.

The AIDS crisis also gave rise to one of the most pernicious and persistent stereotypes about bisexual men, namely that they are the “bridge” for HIV transmission between gay men and heterosexual women. As Brian Dodge, a public health researcher at Indiana University, told me, this is a “warped notion” that has “never been substantiated by any real data.” The CDC, too, has debunked the same myth in the specific context of U.S. black communities: No, black men on the “down low” are not primarily responsible for high rates of HIV among black women.

For decades, bisexual men have been portrayed—even within the LGBT community—as secretly gay, sexually confused vectors of disease.

In 2016, bisexual men are still feeling the effects of the virus and the misperceptions around it.

“We’re still underrepresented on the boards of almost all of the national bisexual organizations,” Suresha told me, referring to the fact that women occupy most of the key leadership positions in bisexual activism. And in a new, nationally representative study of attitudes toward bisexual people, Dodge and his research team found that 43% of respondents agreed —at least somewhat—with the statement: “People should be afraid to have sex with bisexual men because of HIV/STD risks.”

For decades, bisexual men have been portrayed—even within the LGBT community—as secretly gay, sexually confused vectors of disease. Is it any wonder that they are still fighting to shed that false image today? It’s hard to convince people that you exist when they barely see you as human.

👬👫👬👫

It’s not that bisexual women have it easy. Both bisexual men and women are much less likely than gay men and lesbians to be out of the closet, with only 28% telling Pew that most of the important people in their life know about their orientation. Collectively, bisexual people also have some of the worst mental health outcomes in the LGBT community and their risk of intimate partner violence is disturbingly high. Bisexual people also face discrimination within the LGBT community while fending off accusations that their orientation excludes non-binary genders. (In response, bisexual educator Robyn Ochs defines “bisexuality” as attraction to “people of more than one sex and/or gender” rather than just to “men and women.”)

And on top of these general problems, bisexual women are routinely hypersexualized, stereotyped as “sluts,” dismissed as “experimenting,” and harassed on dating apps. Their bisexuality is reduced to a spectacle or waved away as a “phase.”

But it is still bisexual men who seem to have their very existence questioned more often.

Suresha pointed me to a 2005 New York Times article with the headline “Straight, Gay, Or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited,” the fallout of which he saw as “a disaster for bi people.” The article reported on a new study “cast[ing] doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.” The study in question measured the genital arousal of a small sample of men and found, as the Times summarized, that “three-quarters of the [bisexual male] group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.”

“It got repeated and repeated in all sorts of media,” Suresha recalled. “People reported it in news briefs on the radio, in print, in magazines, all over the place.”

As the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force noted in its response to the article, the original study had some clear methodological limitations—only 33 self-identified bisexual men were included and participants were recruited through “gay-oriented magazines”—but the Times went ahead and reported that the research “lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation.”

“Show me the quest for scientific proof that heterosexuality exists. It begins and ends with even just one person saying, ‘I’m straight.’” — Amy Andre, Huffington Post

The article fueled the devious narrative that male bisexuality was just homosexuality in disguise. The lived experiences of bisexual men don’t support that narrative—and neither does science—but its power comes from prejudice, not from solid evidence.

And unsurprisingly, the 2005 study’s conclusions did not survive the test of time. In fact, one of the co-authors of that study went on to co-author a 2011 study which found that “bisexual patterns of both subjective and genital arousal” did indeed occur among men. The New York Times Magazine later devoted a feature to the push for the 2011 study, briefly acknowledging the paper’s previous poor coverage. But many in the bisexual community were unimpressed that the scientific community was still being positioned as the authority on the existence of bisexual men.

“Show me the quest for scientific proof that heterosexuality exists,” Amy Andre wrote on the Huffington Post in response to the feature. “It begins and ends with even just one person saying, ‘I’m straight.’”

👬👫👬👫

One of the most tragic things about society’s refusal to accept bisexual men is that we don’t even know why it is still so vehement. Dodge believes that his new study offers some hints—the persistent and widespread endorsement of the HIV “bridge” myth is alarming—but he told me that he would need “more qualitative and more focused research” before he could definitively state that HIV stigma is the primary factor driving negative attitudes toward bisexual men. (Research in this area is indeed sorely lacking. The last major study on the subject prior to the survey Dodge’s team conducted was published in 2002.)

In the meantime, bisexual advocates have developed plenty of compelling theories, many of them focused on the dominance of traditional masculinity. For example, Herukhuti explained that “we live in a society in which boundaries between men are policed because of patriarchy and sexism.” Men are expected to be “kings of their kingdom”—not to share their domain.

“For men to bridge those boundaries with each other—the only way that we can conceive of that is in the sense that these are ‘non-men,’” Herukhuti told me, adding that, in a patriarchal society, gay men are indeed seen as “non-men.” The refusal to accept that men can be bisexual, then, is partly a refusal to accept that someone who is bisexual can even be a man.

Many of the bisexual men I interviewed endorsed this same hypothesis. Kevin, 25, told me that “it’s seen as really unmanly to be attracted to men.” Another Kevin, 26, added that “the core concept of masculinity doesn’t leave room for anything besides extremes.” Justin, in his mid 20s, said that “men are one way and gay men are another way [but] bisexual men are this weird middle ground.”

Our society doesn’t seem to do well with more than two—especially when so many still believe that there’s only one right way to be a man.

And Michael, 28, added that bisexual men are “symbolically dangerous”—a “big interior threat to hetero masculinity” because of a shared attraction to women. It’s easy for a straight guy to differentiate himself from the modern gay man, but how can he reassure himself that he is nothing like his bisexual counterpart?

The answer is obvious: He can equate male bisexuality with homosexuality.

The logic needed to balance that equation, Herukhuti explained to me, is disturbingly close to the racist, Jim Crow-era “one-drop rule,” which designated anyone with the slightest bit of African ancestry as black for legal purposes.

“For a male to have had any kind of same-sex sexual experience, they are automatically designated as gay, based on that one-drop rule,” Herukhuti said. “And that taints them.”

To see that logic at work, look no further than the state of HIV research, much of which still groups gay and bisexual men together as MSM, or men who have sex with men. Dodge, who specializes in the area of HIV/AIDS, explained that “when a man reports sexual activity with another man, that becomes the recorded mode of transmission and there’s no data reporting about female or other partners.” Bisexual men have their identities erased—literally—from the resulting data.

“A really easy way to fix this,” Dodge added, “would be to just create a separate surveillance category.”

But when it comes to categories, our society doesn’t seem to do well with more than two—especially when so many still believe that there’s only one right way to be a man.

👬👫👬👫

The situation of bisexual men is not hopeless. Slowly but surely, they are expanding the horizons of masculinity. The silver lining in Dodge’s study, for example, is that there has been a decided “‘shift’ in attitudes toward bisexual men and women from negative to more neutral in the general population” over the last decade or so, although negative attitudes toward bisexual men were still “significantly greater” than the negativity directed at their female peers.

“Put the champagne on the ice,” Dodge joked. “We’re no longer at the very bottom of the barrel but we’ve still got a ways to go.”

That distance will likely be shortened by a rising generation that is far more tolerant of sexual fluidity than their predecessors. Respondents to Dodge’s survey who were under age 25 had more positive attitudes toward bisexuality, perhaps because so many of them openly identify as LGBTQ themselves—some as bisexual, some as pansexual, and some refusing labels altogether.

That growing acceptance is starting to be reflected in movies and on television, once forms of media that were, and still often are, notoriously hostile to bisexual men. A character named Darryl came out as bisexual with a myth-busting song on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and, as GLAAD recently noted, other shows like Shadowhunters and Black Sails are starting to do bi male representation right. The HBO comedy Insecure even made biphobia into a powerful storyline when one straight female character, Molly, shunned her love interest when he told her that he once had oral sex with a guy in a college. But other shows, like House of Cards, are still using a male character’s bisexuality as a way to accentuate his villainy.

Ultimately, bisexual men themselves will continue to be the most powerful force for changing hearts and minds. I asked each bisexual man I interviewed what he would want the world to know about his sexual orientation. Some wanted to clear up specific misconceptions but so many of them simply wanted people to acknowledge that male bisexuality is not fake.

“It’s important that bisexuality be acknowledged as real,” said Martyn, 30, adding that “there’s only so long someone can hold on to a part of themselves that seems invisible before it starts to make them doubt their own sense of self.”

“I am happy being bisexual and I’m not looking for an answer,” said Dan, 19. “I’m not trying things out, I’m not using this as a placeholder to discover my identity. This is who I am. And I love it.”

Samantha Allen is a reporter for Fusion’s Sex+Life vertical. She has a PhD in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies from Emory University and was the 2013 John Money Fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Before joining Fusion, she was a tech and health reporter for The Daily Beast.

[yanderecandystore]

Rip Tumblr D-do you have any dragon ocs that might kidnap their s/o? Also I know that this is a stupid question but can I call myself Cold anon? ;-;

Hello 🍨 Cold ❄️!! I'm really glad you sent me this request!

 The current app that I use for writing is bugging out a lot, so I'm sorry if there are many grammar errors and mistakes here and there.

 And uh... Cold? I think I fucked up your ask? I think I got a little too excited and went in a different direction?? If you don't like it I understand, I could always do another one 😳😋

 TW/Tags: Guess who is being an emotional ball once again?? Me! Yey! Send help! // look, I'm sorry but, low-key? This is edginess overload lol (medieval bitch times, which by that I mean: dark times with terrible people in it) // deaths // abuse of power // Reader said: eat the rich // non-binary reader just because // cursing // slight plot twist? But, like, bad plot twist // soft dragon boi 

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

You curious little thing - [Yandere!Dragon x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

" Deep in the forest, up in the mountains, legend says that a dragon sleeps deep within the caves. And as the old story goes, gold awaits inside his domain, but only those courageous enough to enter the deep cave and defeat the dragon, would be able to take the creature's treasure.

Many have persuaded the quest of defeating said dragon, yet no one ever came back to tell the story.

And while you sit at the comfort of your small cottage reading about the old tales of the dragon's cave, you can't help but consider the story to be just that, a story. A piece of fiction made to scare the local children away from the mountains, or to enchant those that were easily invested into these types of stories.

It seems like you're one of those that were fascinated by the old tales. Regardless of if you find it true or not. The old tales still hold a mysterious charm that manages to keep you intrigued no matter what age you re-read them.

Tales of the forest spirits protecting their land with mischievous wit, tales of monsters that crawled out of your bed to cause nightmares on the simple minded, tales of mighty dragons who could easily rule the world if they so pleased to.

Yet they didn't. Either because they didn't want to, or maybe they really didn't exist. Who knows, right [Y/N]? Not that you, a simple commoner, would know any better.

Although, from the tales you read, isn't always the common folk the ones to first encounter these things?

It always ends bad, but still.

A commoner would be the first one to be affected by the wrath of such supernatural creatures.

However, as stated before, there is no way of knowing if such a thing is real or not, right? It's been eons since the last time someone even mentioned a dragon's presence in your kingdom, and it's been centuries that the concepts of dragons had fallen into the mythological category.

There hasn't been a single person to mention the beast's names in years. There was no visible way of them being remotely real, right? That sounded absurd.

But of course, like all tales are written, your's seem to have reached the beginning of your own personal adventure when the king mentioned the need of soldiers willing to face the beast inside the cave, who was presumably hibernating throughout this whole time.

And of course, the public had only laughed at this sort of news. You see, your king's authority over the entire land has been dangling by a thin thread. The taxes, the frauds, the imminent wars threatening to occur at any second now, has helped a small portion of people to start questioning if not downright rebelling against him and his reign of terror.

The revolution was rising slowly, yet something needed to push it forward, the straw that broke the camel's back.

"What could it be?" You might be wondering.

How about kidnapping and force recruitment with the help of blackmailing? Specifically targeting the poorest people in the kingdom and taking their family members hostage if they don't comply?

Sounds so evil that you may think it's bullshit right? So inhumane, that the villain of this story might as well be your crazy king, right?

Oh, [Y/N]. You're absolutely right, yet a little bit wrong considering that even if such an evil act sounds absurd, it's absolutely real. It's part of your reality now.

And even if your king is a vile creature of pure hatred and deserves to be fed to the rats, by being a terrible ruler, husband, and father- You were soon about to learn that there are worse, more powerful forces that can easily overpower the insanity of that sad, pathetic evil man.

To your dismay, your family was one of the chosen ones to suffer from this. Because of poverty, you and your father lived in the outskirts of the kingdom. It was perfect for the king and his soldiers, as you and your father lived distant from the main town, if any of you two ever die on the process of going into the beast's cave, or disobey the king's orders, no one would notice if you two were suddenly wiped from the face of the Earth.

And of course, holding hostage just one person was easier than multiple family members. Although your king was absolutely insane if not completely psychotic, you could at least understand how he moved his pieces in this massive game of chess.

I mean, yes, you understand his reasoning. Still doesn't mean he is right.

Soldiers didn't wait too long to show up and try to force your father to go with them. But you didn't take none of that, you wouldn't let your dying father be taken by them.

You screamed, you shout, you let venom spill out of your mouth by each profanity you threw at the soldiers and the king they claimed to serve. It didn't take long before the general noticed that you were one of the rascals forming a rebellion. Well, you didn't really need to be officially part of the revolution, just disagreeing was enough to make the general decide to take you instead of your old father.

You can still remember how he was trying to scream his lungs out, to stop the soldiers somehow.

This was it, right? The day, for you and possibly all these other commoners to die in the name of an asshole. How honoring.

Among you and other miserably unlucky individuals, there were all kinds of different people. From innocent, to criminals. From young to old, from poor to… Well, mildly not as poor. Nobles would never be subjected to this, you know that. All of these individuals were carried away by a carriage. All crammed into one little vehicle, away from the public sight.

After being far enough from the town and now deep within the forest, the soldiers commanded all of you to get out of the carriage as now you'll begin to walk straight to the mountain while carrying… Gold?

"- It's a gift from the king. Survive long enough, and you'll be able to take it with you." The general said, his tone being condescending as ever.

You could…. Technically run away, right now. They haven't really put any restrains in any of you-

"- Over there!" A soldier alerted the general, who looked little surprised by seeing two of your group running away with the gold in hands.

Without hesitation, or even a slight hint of empathy, the general shot both with his crossbow. Their bodies fall flat in the forest ground, with all that gold and jewelry accompanying them. All that gold being wasted and left behind, just like the bodies of the people carrying them.

You felt sick, the need to vomit was surfacing through your stomach. This- This is terrible!? This is so cruel! How can they continue to walk like nothing happened??

God, how did a once prospering kingdom has now fallen in such a low pit?

As you can imagine, the walk was torturous and it felt like it was going forever. Of course, a lot of questions were emerging about the strange situation.

One: how did the king know and was certain that the myth of the dragon was real and that the dragon was awake?

Two: why didn't he call his own army to attend to such issues instead of the common folk being forced to go with his wishes?

Actually, now that you think about it, why are there so few skilled, trained soldiers taking a bunch of people to a cave unprepared?

Carrying a bunch of gold for fucks sake, this stuff is heavy!

If it was truly a gift from the king to your group, then why were you obligated to carry it all the way to the cave? Sounds unreasonable and if anything, absolutely ridiculous. It would only slow your group down, and for what?!

Sounds like a trap to be…. Honest. Wait a minute-

"- Shit!" You whisper to yourself at the sudden realization that you're fucked, which unfortunately, caused a soldier that was near you to hear it.

"- Nothing sir, I just stabbed my foot in a rock." You weren't lying though. This whole walk bullshit your doing has destroyed your low quality sandals, and now you could basically feel the ground stabbing you every time you stept.

The soldier just grunted at you, and as much as you wished to take his sword and shove it up his bum, you couldn't help but go back to your original train of thought before you got interrupted.

You were going straight to death right? You're not supposed to fight a dragon, but rather serve as an offering?? What?!

You can't even speak or alert your fellow companions in any way. The last three people that have spoken without being directed to, were shot in the head.

The realization has sadly come in too late for you to make any plans now, as you forward as your group walk upwards, following the mountain's trail, you find yourself facing not only the entrance to a presumably dangerous cave infested with predators, but also the gates to your inevitable death.

You would now have to think of how to escape the soldiers and their arrows, or how to possibly make your death less painful. Being eaten by a dragon doesn't sound really fun.

When entering the cave you're met with more-

"- Are you fucking kidding me?!" Someone screamed, while easily accepting their death.

You couldn't help but agree with the person. While entering the cave, you're met with a great ravine, going in a spiral fashion deeper into the cave.

In other words, you have not only walked all the way up to a fucking mountain, but you would now need to get down into a creepy cave.

You almost considered asking for some eternal peace before remembering that your father's life was still in line. You just… Don't want to go away like this, you don't want your father to go like this.

And once again your group, that was now a lot shorter due to the amount of deaths along the way, was now following the general once again. Only this time, the soldiers were behind all of you, probably to guarantee no one ran away. Too late for that now anyway, so why even bother?

You didn't realize how you were on the very front of everyone, side by side with the man that was leading you to your doom.

You felt his eyes fall into your form a couple of times, but he never really turned his face to look at you. After a long silence of just a bunch of miserable people stepping closer to a terrible plan that was not well thought-out, he said:

"- You know it already. Right?" His voice was rough and still held the nonchalant tone that was written all over his face. You doubt this man could have ever smiled once in his life.

You almost choked with your own breathing, the nerve of this man! You couldn't help but let out the only thing you have wanted to say this whole time:

"- I hate you." You say as your eyes start to become a little watery. The feeling of desperation was eating you up ever since you entered the carriage, but only now you felt how bad the teeth of despair hurt.

"- I know kid. Me too." He responded, his tone never changed, even while saying that.

You guess he didn't really appreciate his job as much as you thought he did. Yet, you couldn't find in your heart to pity the man, as he was complicit in all of this mess. But I guess, you do hope for this man to find some sort of redemption, either presently or in his after life.

You still think he did a lot of bad things of course, his crimes are probably never gonna be forgiven. But just because of that, it didn't mean he couldn't start to do some good actions now, not for the sake of finding inner forgiveness, but for the sake of others. For the sake of the innocent people being not only met with unfair treatment, but also being ruled by a psychotic tyrant who is a complete imbecile. No wonder the queen and his son were missing for so long, you would probably have run away if you were them too.

When finally coming down, with your feet now hurting like a bitch, you can find some time for yourself to appreciate the beauty of this place.

You know, before you lose your head? To a freaking dragon??

Honestly, you at least hope that the stories you read were true, because holy fuck- Imagine how exhausted your body is from walking for what it feels like an eternity, holding jewelry made with gold, only to find an empty cave?

Then you would be able to go feral kill one or two soldiers before getting your ass beaten. As you don't have enough reason to just do that right now, right?

You expected to be met with disappointment, but what you truly saw while finally getting into the dragon's territory, you were able to not only feel enchanted by the magnitude of these treasure places, but also forget the danger of the situation, as you look around and remember the tales you read.

This is so much better than what you have imagined it to be like. It's… Mesmerising! It 's beautiful! The underground pond, the glowing crystals, the pile of gold, the stolen statues of the great warriors of your kingdom, golden weapons all scattered across the floor, the white feathered looking dragon staring down at you from his nest, that little tea set that is really cute and fragile yet it probably cost way more than your house, your clothes, and all of your furniture all together.

Oh no wait-

"- We came with what you asked for, Artemio." Said the general fast walking his way to be in between you and the beast.

To say you were freaking out would be an understatement. You knew dragons were huge, but you didn't expect it to be so… Huge! You know??

Oh my God, you're dead-

You looked around to see only you, your group of commoners ready to be probably eaten, and the general. And while looking for the soldiers, you noticed them trying to close the opening with a man built gate, created to keep the beast.

But obviously, that gate looks absolutely ridiculous, there is no way this guy couldn't destroy it by simply slapping it. It's quite laughable, yet…

You feel this is not just a coincidence or a bad made joke. You have a feeling they know the gate is essentially useless. It was really old, so, clearly this has been going on from quite some time.

Has… Has your kingdom been doing this for centuries?? Bringing offerings to please the dragon and beg it to sleep for more centuries to come?

"- This is absolute bullshit!" You screamed, not noticing how your heart was racing and your breathing had started to become frantic. You were panicking while coming to terms with the fact that your whole world was collapsing in front of your eyes. Your scream clearly surprised your fellow companions, yet it didn't surprise the dragon or the general.

The dragon had, well, a dragon face, so you have no idea what it was thinking, and the general was still with the same non-expressive face since the beginning of this stupid trip!

"- What?! You have nothing to say?? You brought us here to die, at least say something, you coward!" You were fuming with rage. How can a person like this be so annoying even when he is not saying anything.

He looks at you with an understanding expression, yet you don't think about what it could mean as you reach to one of the many golden weapons spread around across the floor. They were heavy and quite frankly completely useless, yet you still hold into that golden sword like your life depended on it.

And it did, actually.

Have you gone insane or just completely blind with rage and the instinct of survival? You're not sure just yet, but you'll lose your last bit of sanity to stand your ground.

You aren't going down without a fight.

"- Come at me, you big bird!" You yelled, looking kinda epic and kinda goofy at the same time. You probably shouldn't insult a dragon who hasn't decided who he'll first, it may change his appetite.

Before the general could interfere with your foolish behavior, the one and only had spoken:

"- Where exactly is what we had agreed on?" Like in true entitled brat fashion, Artemio asked the general while putting his head in his pawn.

"- We had to eliminate a couple of the troublemakers. In the end some of the gold was left behind in the progress-"

"- No, I mean, where truly is what I asked for? The jewelry is quite frankly ugly, the gold coins don't matter as I already have plenty, and none of these humans look really edible. Or well… Appetising." You could swear a pouty face was appearing in Artemio's face, yet only one thing had taken your attention. That's the reason why they needed so many disposable people? Oh… Wait a minute, did the dragon just call everyone here too ugly to eat?

"- If you can't compromise with your promises, then I think we'll have to change the deal-" Artemio started getting up from his nest, stretching out like a cat.

"- Oh, please no, can't you just-" The general panicked, thinking that the dragon would destroy the village.

"- I want that one." Artemio said. Pointing at you.

"- What?" You looked behind you just in case you were in the way of someone else. No, you weren't.

"- Uhn… What?" Oh look, even the general was confused as you, and well, the entire cast of people that were thrown in this hell hole.

"- Yes, that one holding the spear."

"- Just… That one, or-"

"- Just that one. And I won't get out of the cave for at least a century, I promise!" He sounds and acts like both a child and a cat, preparing himself to pounce on its prey any moment now.

"- ….. Okay then, fair enough. It's your problem now kid." He said, making a motion for all the other captives to follow him. Which they gladly did, because, you know, they aren't the protagonist of the story.

"- What?! You can't leave me here, you bastard!!" You screamed, although subconsciously you already knew his answer.

"- I think I'm just doing that!" He screamed from the other side of the cave, fuckz they really didn't waste no time at all, did they?

Sigh, who are you kidding? If you were one of them, you would have ran away as fast as you could. At least some gave you sympathetic looks before going back to their "freedom".

You heard the heavy gate closing. Well, shit. It's you and him now.

You tried going back into your original threatening stance, but before you could, you saw a glimpse of Artemio coming in at full speed, taking no time to jump at you. This is it [Y/N], send your last prayers to your father and your old life before-

Before he starts licking you... like a dog? What?

He pauses and you tense up, looking up and seeing a dragon powerful enough to destroy villages, looking at you like a precious little gift.

Artemio picks you up and hugs you in an almost bone breaking hug. Confused and frustrated with how the situation was going, you asked:

"- A-Aren't you going to kill me?" Yes, it was a pathetic question, if a dragon isn't killing you, then why ask it to do it??

"- I have been so lonely since the last human that I chose! I usually prefer to have many friends around but all of the other options seemed so boring, you know?" His voice is oddly cheerful and sweet to someone that sees humans as pets, or "friends". So… What is really going on here?

"- I thought you ate people." You said, still frustrated that you were betrayed and lied to through this entire day.

"- Well, I guess I can eat humans-" Says the giant bird-lizard acting like a child trying to lie about doing something wrong- "- But I really don't like doing it, I promise!"

"- I just wanted someone to play with, you know? All the dragons that I know are just so boring and take everything seriously." He huffed in annoyance.

"- Well… Do you-" You started questioning if you really want to to know the answer, but curiosity sure is killing this cat!- "- What happened to the other humans that were here?"

"- Oh, they… Uhn, they died, because of your shirt lifespan and all ya know." He responded.

"- Oh… Then why did the soldiers bring us here saying you were going to eat us?" Why not go full balls in and ask everything, right?

"- It's- Sigh, it's really embarrassing, but I didn't know any other way of how to ask for company down here." He said shyly, which only confirmed your suspicion of this being complete bullshit.

"- And you threaten to burn a whole kingdom just because of that?" You asked.

"- Yes!" He answered with no shame whatsoever. This guy was a dog wearing a dragon costume, you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"- Sigh, oh my God…"

"- Hey, uhn, what's your name?" Artemio spoke, he thought that he should also ask questions as he wants to be able to enjoy every second with his new pet.

"- It is [Y/N]. And you're Artemio, right?" You can't believe any of this, really. You went from an absolutely terrible life or death situation, to a… Well, you can't even tell what the hell is going on anymore!

"- [Y/N].... [Y/N]! [Y/N], that's such a good name!" The excited dragon repeated your name multiple times before interrupting your peace once again. You can't be mad at him, but-

Come on, you needed some time to accept everything that just went down. You didn't even notice you were on the floor until Artemio was in front of your view again.

"- [Y/N]!" He was so easy to please, that just saying your name was fun to him.

"- Sigh… Hey Artemio." You sighed as there was no way in hell this dragon would leave you to deal with this weird feeling of emptiness arising in your chest.

"- What do you want to do now?" He asked cheerfully, but not completely oblivious to your feelings of being abandoned underground with him by force.

You stayed silent for a second, again, trying to come with terms with this new lifestyle that you were subjected to. You technically could ask Artemio to open the gate, he doesn't seem to have any intention of hurting you. But who knows? He has a different point of view in this whole thing than you do.

Silence was taking over the cave, but not exactly an awkward silence, just… A comforting one.

The water dripped from the ceiling. You felt the ground underneath you shake a little as Artemio followed your "guidance". He decided to lay on his back near you.

He wasn't really doing any self reflection at all, he just wanted to join in with you, yet all he could think is how happy he is to have someone else to spend time with.

You may only see him slightly from the corner of your eyes, yet you still feel a little, strange, by seeing a dragon mimic your ways.

You don't feel nessecerally homesick, but you do miss your father. You absolutely hate the idea of coming back to the kingdom, but… If you could see your father one last time, and probably help him with the gold that is in this place….

Maybe you could even-!.....

"- Artemio."

"- Yes, [Y/N]!*

"- AAH!" He turned himself to meet your face so fast that you whimpered because of his sudden motion.

He was going to check if you were okay, but you stopped him showing that you were fine, just a little spooked.

"- Hey, Artemio-" You said again, as you were still reformulating your question in your head-

"- Do you know how to burn an entire castle?"

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[saucysamu]

Okay so... I know you’re not in the mood to write rn but still emergency request? like you can do a really small one bbygirl and don’t pressure yourself to write it immediately! ❤️

My friend just tiggered me cause she bought the same pair of trousers I got and she has them in S and I needed L. Like I would‘ve never fit in S. Yet she does and her body is similar to mine? Also she gained weight & I lost some?? and I’m just confused and my mind is getting stupid Ed related thoughts again like? I lost weight & gained muscles yet I’m still too fat??? Eventho I’m not like you can see my ripcage ??? & can I get some comfort from Oikawa, Sakusa & Atsumu pls?

My love I hope you’re doing better by now and don’t keep on spending your time thinking about that 🥺 you know you can rant to me whenever you feel like it, ilysm ❤️

Anyways here we go,,

Oikawa, Sakusa and Atsumu x reader who struggles with an ED

warnings: mention of ED/ body image/ food

Oikawa

* You’ve been dating for quite a while so Oikawa is aware of what went through your mind back then 

* and he knows how to deal with it quite well??

* though he wished he didn’t have to, you’re so perfect in his eyes he will never be able to wrap his head around how someone like you would worry about such things

* so when you mention it all awkwardly to him that,, specific thoughts keep occurring again his mind goes A L A R M

* you even feel too embarrassed to look at him at all, but what for?

* he hugs you softly, placing his chin on the top of your head “you know I would never judge you for the way you feel right?” you just hum quietly as a response

* ladies, gentlemen and non-binary babes: here we have another king of pushing your self-esteem or crushing it in the case of enemies

* idk how he does it but he always says the right things to you without messing up or triggering you

* bet he’s the first one to distract you and support you like no other

* bitch cooks recipes of your fave foods to cook them more healthily so you won’t feel guilty

* need a gym buddy? Oikawa agrees before you can even ask him 

* he tries to be subtle when observing your behavior bc even when he acts calm he’s still worried to death

* however it doesn’t stay unnoticed by you lol and you’d just reassure him with a teasing grin

* as much as he wants to believe it, he catches himself at times just wanting to make extra sure,,

* but he knows you’re strong!! and a fighter!! 

* Still cautious when it comes to food even if you got better, it low-key became a habit of his to make sure you eat properly

* honestly can’t wait to go shopping with you again to hype you tf up and show you off to the world like “Ha! I have the prettiest gf on earth!! Watch her go off!!!”

Sakusa

* oh boy oh boy it took so long for the both of you to finally date so you can bet your ass he cares about you almost more than cleanliness,, almost

* which means there are only two things that make him feel startled,,, germs and you suffering

* he was NOT prepared for this

* I’m not gonna lie he’s the type that never got behind how being mentally ill worked, he always took everything as it was and would usually roll his eyes at someone claiming they’re depressed like honestly he’s such a “get over it, everyone gets sad sometimes😔✌🏻” - kind of guy cbdahjbks help💀

* well at least that is until he started to get to know you

* at the beginning he was still in denial like ??? iTs NoT ThaT ComPLiCatEd someone give this man some empathy PLEASE

* scratch that when he finds out how severe this can actually get yes he watched documentaries on EDs but if you asked no he didn’t 

* you notice his caution now tho like come on it’s obvious

* finds excuses to spend more time with you, always wants to be as close to you as possible my guy wants make sure you’re not ✨messing around✨

* suspiciously more affectionate than before

* adjusts to you more easily now like who are we kidding this man wants you to be okay, no, GLOWING bc you’re his precious baby

* cuddle sessions with you sitting between his legs, leaning against his chest while doing your daily self care routine and watching cheesy Netflix originals

* it’d be quiet the whole time and out of nowhere he’d randomly tell you how beautiful and perfectly clean you are and how much he loves you,, as if it was nothing,,smh OmiOmi

* he’s too awkward to suggest actually useful things to you,, I mean his emotional intelligence is a little uhhh behind so what do we expect

* would do anything for you that is of help tho so if you ask him to do this or that he’d never say no to you

* cooks healthy meals for you and yes he CAN cook

* if you ever argued about it then it would probably be bc he doesn’t get how you can think so low of yourself. He doesn’t want to be angry let alone show his anger about it to you but sometimes he can’t help but feeling frustrated. You both can be stubborn so it probably takes a while for him to make it up to. 

* his apologies are the most sincere you’ll ever witness.

* actually puts a lot of effort into those so you just can’t stay angry with him ://

* he really tries his best and sometimes in a moment of silence when you two lie down cuddled up with tangled legs and your ear pressed against his chest, his heartbeat reassures you that he’s there for you no matter what.

Atsumu

* he always thought you were being sarcastic whenever you left remarks on your body

* malfunctions when he realize you weren’t 

* ffs he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to say when you actually talk about it

* tries to bite down his tears

* he fails

* and just hugs you tightly from behind so you don’t see him like that

* soft whispers in your ear that he’ll make you love yourself the way you should while cradling you 

* he’s not convinced he’ll be able to actually manage that but you can be certain he’ll put his whole heart into trying so.

* internal panic when he sees you being down so he awkwardly tries to light your mood with bad fuckin jokes,, he doesn’t know you laugh at the actual jokes but rather at him 💀

* like the perfect clumsy boyfriend he is - his attempts to cook something you’d be comfortable with go horribly wrong since he can’t cook for shit so he begs Osamu to cook something for you and Atsumu would just take his bike and get to Onigiri Miya and back in no time

* his clumsiness would distract you all the time and you can’t convince me otherwise 

* when you laugh at him like that he’d pout out of embarrassment but it would turn into a smile at the way you laugh right after like ugh he’s blessed

* probably asks Osamu for advice every now and then and his brother is just like??? you’re asking ME?? despite him still giving good advice

* ofc he works out with you what did you expect though he doesn’t want you to overdo it 🥺

* wants you to be around whenever he has practice or games, he’s more at peace knowing you’re not doing god knows what

* and you better keep your eyes and mind on him at all times 👀😼

* showering you with so many compliments like even about things you didn’t even notice yourself, he’s just really paying attention to you thoroughly it seems like every day he loves you more and more and he makes sure you realize that.

I really hope you liked it and I’d be happy about any feedback so please leave some bc I’m kinda insecure about my writing in general lol

[bluehairedboyhcs]

It’s you.

SallyxReader

Pt 1/2

Smut (in next chapter 👀)

Slight angst

AFAB/cis girl reader. I’m sorry I shamelessly wrote this as a self insert at 5 am half asleep because of a dream I had so... yeah. Don’t worry I got you guys and non-binary friends covered in the future I promise 💙

Sally gets a little angsty but it comes back around I promise.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You, Sally, and Larry were chilling in the basement playing video games and smoking a bowl. Your night had gone as usual. Friendly teasing and poking fun at eachother. However things quickly escalate when Larry decides to poke Sals buttons in the way he knows will get him REALLY pissed

— — —

“Laaaarrryyyy!”

You let out a whine of protest. Larry just killed you for the third time in a row after countless efforts to steal his flag. He was camping, and it was pissing you off.

He leaned back in his beanbag and set his controller down with a sigh.

“That’s just the way of the game babygirl”

You rolled your eyes and followed suit. Leaning back, you crossed your arms and let out a defeated huff.

“You know I don’t like it when you call me that...”

Larry chuckled.

“That’s why I do it. To get on your nerves!”

Before he could finish his statement he had already lunged at you to give you a Noogie.

“Pfft.”

The both of you look towards an aggravated Sally. He was sitting on Larry’s bed flipping through a guitar catalog. Even though you couldn’t see his facial expression, you could always tell when he was feeling a certain way.

“So are you guys gonna kiss or something or can we wrap this up”

“SALLY!”

“What? You act like there isn’t a thick, suffocating smog of sexual tension in this room right n- HEY! What the fuck!?”

You threw your shoe at him.

Larry grabbed the bowl from his pocket and began to pack it.

“Is it that time of month again Mrs. Fisher?”

Sally grumbled under his breath and slammed the catalog shut

“Fuck you guys.”

He stomped over to where you and Larry were sitting. Larry lit the bowl and took a few tokes as Sally plopped on the ground and sat criss cross.

Larry laughed and coughed at the same time.

“Oh so your just gonna swear me out then smoke up all my pot?!”

Sal rolled his eyes.

“You owe me for last week anyway.”

Laughing one more time, Larry nodded and passed the pipe to you.

“You know I’m just messing with you right? I’m not actually into Y/N.”

“As if I’d give a shit.”

That one stung a little bit. You and Sally had known eachother for about four years now. At the beginning of Sophomore year you were the new kid at nockfell and Sally immediately was looking out for you. He was so kind to you all the time and he made sure you were always comfortable and safe. Of course you had formed a crush on him. How could you not? He was perfect, from his cute mannerisms, to his kind soul, and let’s not forget that adorable hair style. Nowadays things were different though. Anytime you wanted to get close to him he’d end up getting annoyed and push away. You had suspicions that Sally could have a crush on you since he got EXTRA annoyed when Larry flirted with you, but just incase that wasn’t true, you decidied you would never bring it up. You still valued Sally’s friendship and you weren’t willing to mess that up just because of some mixed signals.

“Ouch.”

You passed the pipe to Sally.

Things got awkwardly quiet for a while as the pipe mad a few rotations.

“Well... I’ve the munchies and I could go for a 7/11 slurpee right about now. Want anything while I’m out?”

Larry stood up and grabbed his keys.

“Cherry.”

“I’m good, but thank you”

Larry sighed and eyed the both of you before opening the door.

“Hahhhh... suit yourselves.”

The door closed with a click and suddenly you and Sally were left alone in silence.

The two of you sat quietly passing the pipe to eachother until Sal broke the silence.

“Damn, the bowls done. Larry has the pot on him so we’re out of luck.”

He got up and walked to the bed, throwing his body on it upon arrival causing the bed to bounce a few times.

The awkward silence continued for a while longer. You looked at Sal. He was staring up at the ceiling with his arm tucked behind his head. You thought to yourself “Wow he looks comfy.” Looking back on your highschool days, you and Sal used to be very close. Both of you were so touched starved that whenever either of you were sad about something, you would cuddle and talk it out. All of it was strictly plutonic, but nevertheless, you missed those days dearly.

This time it was your turn to break the silence.

“Hey Sal.”

“Yeah?”

His voice was so low and raspy. It was one of your favorite parts about him. It always sounded like he was sleep deprived and groggy, which he was.

“I’m a little sad. Can we talk?”

“... Sure”

You walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. Extending your arms bashfully. You hadn’t asked him to cuddle in a long time. Waaaay before he started acting all angsty so you weren’t sure how this was going to end. Hopefully with your head on his chest.”

Sally looked confused for a second. He huffed, contemplating whether he should accept or decline. Thankfully he opened his arms back to you. You smiles and cuddled up to him. You laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arms around his waist. You listened to his breathing. How you missed listening to the slow in and out of his breath and his thumping heart beat in the background. He placed his hand on your head and raked his fingers through your hair.

“So, what’s up.”

“Well I was going to ask you if you didn’t like me anymore but I think it’s safe to say you don’t hate me since we’re cuddling again.”

Sal let out a soft chuckle.

“No this is a pity cuddle... What did you think this is was?”

You both laughed. Burying your head into his neck you rephrased your question.

“No, but really. Why are you being so mean nowadays? Did I do something wrong?”

Sally sighed and took of his prosthetic. You had already seen his face plenty of times. Sadly it was another thing that had become a rarity nowadays. You could now comfortably bury your face in his neck without a big hunk of plastic in your way.

“I don’t know if I’m being honest... Well I can guess... I’ve been on new meds, nightmares have gotten worse recently. I don’t know, Larry has been pissing me off too lately.”

“Oh.”

Sal took a deep breath and let it back out.

“And... there’s this girl.”

“G-girl?”

“Yeah...”

“Oh...”

“She’s really funny and cute and I like her a lot and she makes my heart melt and my heart beat gets faster when i’m around her and I just don’t know what to do because I’m no where near ready for a relationship right now.”

“Wow... that’s a lot to take in.”

“Sorry...”

“It’s okay.”

Sally rolled onto his side and pulled you closer to him, cradling your head close to his chest.

“What do I do?”

You stayed silent, processing all of the information the he just spewed at you. After thinking about it for a while you knew what you had to tell him. You wanted him to be happy, and if his happiness was with some other girl, you were okay with that.

“Do you think she’s willing to wait?”

“Mayb-”

“Tell her. Tell her to wait for you. If she really cares enough she’ll wait till your ready.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Alright...”

At some point during that exchange a tear had fallen down your cheek. It really hurt to let go of him. The boy you’ve been crushing on since Sophomore year, but you needed to let him go.

You sat up.

“Well if that’s the case we should probably get farther away from eachother, huh?”

You force a laugh and begin to scoot away but Sal grabs your arm.

“Yes, Sally?”

Sally’s face was red and his palm that was placed on your arm was sweaty.

“Well... why would I need to do that when she’s... sitting right here?”

“Wha-”

“It’s you, Y/N. Your the girl...”

Your mind went blank. Malfunction. Now way he just said that.

“Well, I already told you that I’m not ready for a relationship but if your willing to wait...”

“Can I kiss you.”

Sal sat there quietly, surprised that you had the balls to just say that. He made a noise in the back of his throat before laughing.

“Yes, please do.”

He cups your cheeks, pulled you close and gently kissed you. You hadn’t ever kissed anyone so gentle before. It was nice. Gentle, like him, the old Sally.

He pulled away and looked at you with a wide grin.

“How was that?”

“Better then I ever imagined”

“Uuuuuhhhh...”

Larry stood at the doorway holding two slurpees, his mouth hanging wide open.

“Larry!!”

“What the FUCK did I miss?”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

End: pt 1/2

Hope you enjoyed it! Things get steamy in the next chapter so STRAP IN BITCHES!

[sepublic]

Kipo is ending!

           I mean, I guess I shouldn’t be TOO sad? Three Seasons was the original plan, Radford Sechrist wrote Kipo’s story, arcs, and trajectory with this in mind! It’s like he wrote the entire show in advance and THEN Dreamworks began releasing it, bit by bit! That means that what we see was the story, as Sechrist wanted it, properly written and in a package, written to accommodate three seasons of runtime, etc.! It’s how he intended it to always be and for that I can’t be TOO sad…!

           …But I still kind of AM. Like, I was low-key hoping that we’d at least get a full year before the show ended? Now it’s ending the same year it came out? And to be honest, I DID have an open mind to the show ending within the third or fourth season or so (based on the trajectory the narrative seemed to take), but it’s still rather depressing to me!

           This show is VERY inspiring to me, so wholesome and aesthetical! Its colors are bright and vivid and the music just utterly SLAPS, Kipo’s post-apocalyptic, overgrown aesthetic has even affected some of my writing for Bionicle: RaE! Kipo Oak is such a wonderful protagonist, I NEVER get sick of open, kind-hearted characters who are always bringing people in with welcome arms and infectious positivity! And to be fair, this trend only really started with Steven Universe, so I don’t exactly have that many of such protagonists to begin with (I can count them on one hand), but still!

           It’s just… such a straight-forward, but in a very GOOD and proud way, sort of show with its themes and ideas! Kipo really means a lot to me, and the show’s characters are fascinating! Its music is a genuine jam, one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard in my life, and characters like Scarlemagne or Wolf just MEAN a lot to me in how they’re written!

           Still, there IS the possibility of the show getting continued; Radford Sechrist admitted it, and I have to wonder if he lowkey wrote the show to leave room for a continuation? Even if not that, he DID air the idea of post-series movies, individual ones, such as one involving our young mlm couple Troy and Benson going on an adventure together, or Wolf taking care of another pack of kids! And personally- I’d LOVE to see this…

           So just so anybody knows, this show means a lotto me. And I’d REALLY like for its final season to get some decent ratings, to make room for the possibility of these movies! Its got several characters of color, a canon non-binary character, two boys in a pure and gay relationship, found family, everything! It’s brilliant stuff, and I’d really like to explore what Radford has to offer!

           (On another note the same goes for Infinity Train, which is VERY much in danger of cancellation since most of the crew was laid off, all three seasons are available on HBO Max and it’s a philosophically-fascinating show that has inspired a bunch of meta by yours truly! So go check that out, too!)

[decolonizationxabolition]

Neocolonialism and Indigenous Communities in the Americas

Through the lens of neocolonialism, it is important to point out that this form of colonialism is mostly dependent on cultural forces and ideas in order to maintain the power and influence of white settlers (or even non-white settlers that have access to a lot of power, money, and influence; corporate capitalists, basically).

neocolonialism: a variant of colonialism which does not rely on physical force. Rather, it uses cultural and market influences to create resistances against decolonization and enforce integration into a core imperialist economy (globalization); the use of economic, political, cultural, or other pressures to control or influence other countries, especially former dependencies. (The Red Nation, Oxford Languages) [for a more expansive definition of neocolonialism and it's characteristics, please check out my other blog post here]

I would say that some of the largest of neocolonial influences are the systems and/or institutions that embrace capitalism (specifically racial capitalism), resource exploitation, labor exploitation (that happen as a result of racial capitalism), and the persisting influence of the Christian religion via religious institutions (like the Catholic Church and other religious schools). Neocolonialism intersects quite literally with the structure of the prison industrial complex (but I will talk about that a bit at the end of this blog post and write a whole blog post dedicated to those specific intersections). It is also important to note that neocolonialism argues that the systems of the colonial era are internalized in our bodies. In order for these systems to continue to function, these institutions must work to internalize these cultural forces/ideas (like basically low key brain-washing to be honest) that affect our self-concept, the relationship with our bodies, and our access to resources.

Capitalism, labor exploitation, and parallels today from the "Colonial" era

There is a connection between how labor exploitation plays out today and the exploitative history of slavery during the colonial era, a lot of it is apparent in various industries (like the fashion/textile industry, prison labor, etc.) But in this blog post I'm going to mostly talk about the exploitative labor practices of the Hollywood/film industry and how they exploit indigenous communities through labor and the use of their land. I will also be talking about the capitalization of other natural resources such as water, which is a huge problem indigenous communities are facing today.

An example of the exploitative labor practices in the film industry can be found through the analysis of the film Even the Rain. In Fabrizio Cilento's article "Even the Rain: A Confluence of Cinematic and Historical Temporalities, Cilento breaks down how the film "takes a metacinematic approach to the the story of a Mexican film crew in Bolivia shooting an historic drama on Christopher Columbus's conquest. With the water riots as a background, Bollaín uses different cinematic styles to establish disturbing parallels between old European imperialism, the recent waves of corporate exploitation,... and the exploitation of Bolivian actors for the benefit of the global film industry.... Bollaín warns that these productions can fall into a colonialist dynamic by reproducing the imbalances between the 'visible' countries in the global film market, and 'invisible' countries whose native actors and visually appealing locations are exploited...." It is important to note how the persistence of capitalism and the exploitation of resources (whether that be land or labor) continue to work against decolonization and creates similar power imbalances between indigenous communities and corporate capitalists that allude to the colonial era. This is also a prime example of how there is a continued rift between the indigenous people's relationship to the land, especially through the limited access to water.

(Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz)

So, I would like to make the point that capitalism and corporate interests play a huge role in working against decolonization. We do not live in a "Postcolonial" world, but rather, a neocolonial world that continues to exploit indigenous communities for their (quite frankly already limited) resources. Today, many Native Americans/Indigenous people have trouble accessing water like the First Nations in Canada, the indigenous tribes in the United States, and indigenous communities in Latin America and the Caribbean (whom are 10 to 25 percent less likely to have access to piped water than the region’s Non-Indigenous populations according to this page/report).

For more in depth discussion about the water and land crises indigenous communities are currently facing. All My Relations podcast, which is a podcast run by Matika Wilbur (a visual storyteller/photographer from the Swinomish and Tulalip peoples of coastal Washington) and Adrienne Keene (a citizen of the Cherokee Nation and blogger that discusses cultural appropriation and stereotypes of Native peoples in fashion, film, music, and other forms of pop culture, and a faculty member in American Studies and Ethnic Studies at Brown University.), have done an episode about this topic named Healing The Land IS Healing Ourselves in which they discuss with Kim Smith (a Diné woman, community organizer, citizen scientist, activist, water protector, entrepreneur, and writer) about indigenous' communities relationship with the land, how it relates to the current environmental and water crisis, and the relationship it has with healing our bodies, in which Smith discusses that "violence on the land is violence on our bodies".

The Catholic Church, colonialism, sexuality, and it's influence today

When we're talking about colonialism in the Americas and the remnants of the colonial era today, the conquest of indigenous sexuality/eroticism via the Catholic Church and the repression of indigenous sexuality has played a huge part in colonialism and is still an issue today that perpetuates the erasure of indigenous identity.

In Sylvia Marcos's article "Indigenous Eroticism and Colonial Morality in Mexico: The Confession Manuals of New Spain" Marcos explains that "....By condemning indigenous erotic practices and imposing unprecedented restraints on them, the missionaries altered the roots of ancient Mexican perceptions of the body and the cosmos...." Marcos further unpacks this through probes of confession manuals from the colonial era "....The confession manuals of Molina, Baptista, Serra, and others seem to indicate the missionaries' uneasiness over the diversity of sexual pleasures enjoyed by the souls in their charge. The priests had to repeatedly describe their limited idea of sexuality so that the vital Indians could understand that what for them was often a link with the gods was, in their new religion, always a sin, fault, or aberration.... The morality of negation and abstinence propagated by the missionaries became one more weapon used in the violent process of violent acculturation...." It's important to point out that the repression of the sexual pleasures of indigenous peoples has contributed to the erasure of indigenous identity, especially since they considered it as a means of connecting to their gods. This was used as a weapon to conquer indigenous people's bodies through shame and disconnection from their bodies and spiritual practices.

This is still an issue that persists today, this article by the Washington Post, talks about how transgender Native Americans experienced disproportionately higher rates of rejection by immediate family. It also talks about the state-sponsored Christian schools that have affected indigenous for generations in the United States. So, basically the expansion of Christianity/Catholicism culturally and institutionally and the repression of indigenous sexuality has contributed to the erasure of indigenous identity. And indigenous people that fall outside of the gender binary experience stigma still to this day, which perpetuates colonialism.

To further build upon this point and how to begin explaining the intersection of this with prison abolition and the experience of being Black and/or BIPOC in an imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchal society, Estelle Ellison, a Black Trans disabled writer and transformative justice practitioner, in their essay "Gender, Time, and Other Methods of Policing the Body", Ellison unpacks the intersections between exploitative racial capitalism and how it connects to gender, time, and sexuality, and also explains how it is connected to being policed through our bodies by stating that "By design, each of us is expected to participate in gendering other people's bodies...." and that "....of all the possible ways that a person may live their life at any given moment, the infinite combinations of features, experiences, aspirations, and expressions; gender attempts to reduce our possible identities by half. But half of infinity is still infinity..." Ellison also talks about how time has been colonized (via capitalism through wage labor) and is "made possible by overlapping systems of white supremacy, anti-blackness, patriarchy, ableism, misogyny, transphobia, homophobia, exploitation, and countless other forms of oppression..."

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A post shared by Estelle Ellison 🏴💫 (@abolish_time)

Ellison's analysis of the intersecting systems of neocolonialism explains how these systems are internalized in our bodies and how it is connected to exploitation (whether that be from our bodies some other form under these systems) and that we are being policed through our bodies due to societal, cultural, or institutional pressures, such as the prison industrial complex and the military industrial complex, or I would argue through religious beliefs.

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[xaharadesert]

Out of Control MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: My very first headcanon request! @thearcanafanfan thank you so much for requesting and providing such a detailed backstory, this was truly wonderful to write, and I’m sorry it took so long! I would like to mention that although I use he/him pronouns for Asra I am aware of his non binary gender orientation. Also, I should mention that in this prompt the “voices” in the MC’s head are demons sent from the Devil. Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammatical mistakes :) Requests are open!

Arcana Headcanons Masterlist

Backstory:

MC comes home crying, hands trembling and unable to speak for a moment. Then, they confess. They accidentally killed someone due to the voices in their head taking control and using the MC’s magic. When MC’s LI tries to approach the MC feels an overwhelming amount of guilt and fear, resulting in MC binding their LI in place using magic. MC keeps crying and apologizing, backing toward the exit, feeling as though they have to leave for what they have done. The magic binding the LI begins to weaken and the LI knows that they have to find a way to get through to MC before they leave because otherwise they may never see each other again.

❤️Julian❤️

You know that feeling when you’ve just gotten some really bad news and everything just feels flat? That’s what he’s feeling when you tell him

The static feeling is pretty much immediately replaced when you bind him with your magic and try to leave

Then it’s just panic

He’s gonna use all his strength trying to push past your magic and reach you

Honestly he’s not even sure what it is he’s saying, it’s just a steady stream of reassurance that you’ll get through this together

Will likely reach you just before you leave

Would hold you so tight in his arms that you should be low-key worried about breathing

At this point the fact that you killed something is pretty much irrelevant to him

He’s just so worried that you’ll go out on your own and get hurt

He’s running his fingers through your hair and pressing kisses to the top of your head, just trying to calm both of you down

Once you’ve stopped crying the two of you will have to sit down and talk about this seriously though

Obviously he’s not gonna rat you out but you have to be honest with him

Did you know the person you killed? Did they provoke you? How long have you had trouble controlling your powers? What do the voices say?

He’s making notes in his illegible writing, already trying to figure out a solution from a medical perspective

Knows that going back for the body is pretty much pointless by now, considering how long it’s been

He’s ready to be your alibi, so don’t even worry about that

No matter what, he’ll help you figure this out

🧡Portia🧡

When you first tell her she’s half convinced that you’re joking despite the fact that tears are streaming down your face

There’s just no way you could ever do something like that... right?

When you make a move to leave, it only partially wakes her up to the reality of the situation

Even once you’ve bound her with magic, sobbing and apologizing again and again, she still can’t quite believe it

She feels detached from the situation, like all of her feelings had rushed her all at once and had shut her brain down completely

She doesn’t even process the tears running down her own face as she begs you to stay, trying her best to push through to you

You’ve got one hand on the doorknob when she pushes past your magic and pretty much body slams you to the ground because there’s nothing holding her in place anymore

She’s holding onto you with all her strength, so there’s pretty much zero chance you’re getting away now

She’s sobbing, you’re sobbing, everything is just a mess

Pepi is running around the two of you meowing like crazy because she’s worried

There’s not going to even be a calm period after this sob-fest because once she’s stopped crying and pieced together what you actually said Portia is going to p a n i c

There’s so much to do now, and she doesn’t really know where to start

Making sure you’re okay is her top priority but now she’s gotta find a way to make sure there’s no evidence of what you did

Will probably reach out to Julian to help her with the latter part, but she’s a bit unsure of how to help you with your powers

She loves magic a lot but that doesn’t mean she knows everything about it

Will likely snag some books from the library to try to find something to help you

Just doesn’t want to you be alone in this

And you can bet she’ll stay by your side until you two can find something to help

💛Lucio💛

Is only freaking out because your freaking out

You killed a man? Okay, well he killed dozens so it kind of cancels out

When you bind him with your magic he’s more concerned with making you stay than comforting you

It’s fine, this is all fine! There’s so need to apologize for what you did (he still hasn’t)

Just stay with him and he can help you sort this out, he promises

Honestly you probably would have gotten away if it weren’t for Mercedes and Melchior bursting through the door and distracting you for long enough for him to get free

Scoops you up in his arms and sits down somewhere just kind of cradling you until you calm down

Again, he’s more worried about you leaving him than you killing a man (doesn’t really have the best priorities)

You may still be apologizing for what you did but he doesn’t want to hear it

If you can’t be forgiven for one little oopsie then how can he be forgiven for everything he’s ever done?

Don’t even worry about the body or evidence, there’s no way anyone will be able to figure out it was you

Knows a thing or two about voices in your head controlling you

Or so he says

At the end of the day he just wants you to be okay so he’ll send some people to research what could be going on with you

Everything will be fine, he can promise you that

💚Muriel💚

Doesn’t visibly react at first, but he’s panicking on the inside

This isn’t something he knows how to handle so the best he can do is try to move to comfort you

But he can’t move

This makes the panic worse and you’ll start to see it on his face when he realizes you might run away

He’s not much for words, but he’ll use what little magic he knows to push through the barriers you set

His magic combined with his strength is enough to get through to you before you make it to the door, so he’s certainly one of the faster ones

Still doesn’t know what to say but will put his arms around you awkwardly and keep you in place until you calm down a bit

Again, this isn’t something he really understands so he’ll need to reach out to Asra for a bit of help

He and Inanna will work together to keep an eye on you until your powers are properly sorted out

And even if someone does find the body of whoever it was you killed they’re certainly not going to mess with you when you have a mountain of a man and a literal wolf by your side

He really wants to help you, and he’s trying his best, but you’ll have to help him understand too

💙Asra💙

Felt your panic as soon as your powers went berserk and killed someone

Is equally if not more panicked than you because he knows something is wrong but he doesn’t know where you are or what’s happened

When you come bursting through the door sobbing about having murdered someone he can’t help but feel a bit relieved

I mean, murder? Bad. You being safe and nearby? Good.

He’ll probably sense your guilt and will get to you before you even have a shot at putting a spell on him

Will hold you tightly against his chest and won’t let go no matter what

He’s rubbing your back gently and murmuring quietly in your ear, helping you to calm down

He’ll push his own feelings about the situation aside in exchange for making sure you’re alright

Will scoop you up and carry you upstairs to your shared bed and just hold you for a while, allowing you to calm down even more and for him to plan your next move

He’ll leave you with Faust for a couple of hours while he’s out doing what he can to prevent you being caught

When he gets back he won’t tell what exactly he did but that there’s no need to worry about a thing

He doesn’t want to push you, but he does need to know exactly what happened to you and your powers

He’s probably best equipped to handle this sort of situation, so the two of you will be able to work quickly on sorting out your magical problems

Anytime you start to feel guilty about what happened he’ll hold you close again and promise you that it wasn’t your fault

He’ll never leave your side and will support you no matter what

💜Nadia💜

To put it simply, she’s shocked

She had no idea your powers were capable of being persuaded to act in such a manner, so she’s not entirely certain whether it’s safe to approach you

She’ll do her best to brush aside your actions and will try to talk to you rationally

Until, of course, you start toward the exit

Then she’s panicking again

She won’t let it show on her face, though

She still seems calm and collected as she approaches you like a you’re a scared animal

Please calm down, you’re alright, we can sort this out

About half way to you she freezes due to your magic

Doesn’t allow this to faze her, she’s still reaching out to you with her words

And the moment your magic wavers she pushes through it and wraps you in her arms

She’s gently running her fingers through your hair and talking quietly, continuing to assure you that everything is alright

Will send someone to take care of the body and compensate their loved ones

She won’t tell anyone what you’ve done, but she’ll do her best to make up for it

Once the initial incident is out of the way she moves on to the larger issue at hand

She’ll hire as many magicians as she can to help research the problems you’re having with your abilities

She won’t let you suffer through this alone

Will be by your side day and night, although this may mean you’ll have to accompany her through her own daily routine as Countess

She promises that everything will work out just fine

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually

[oliveofthenight]

soo, I dipped back into Soul Eater because it is low-key my comfort anime and in light of Crona being officially proclaimed as non-binary.

But on the subject of Crona, like man I absolutely adore them. Mainly because I relate so hard to them. You have no idea how many times I’ve said “I don’t know how to deal with this!” In my lifetime, and it’s only doubled whenever I watch Soul Eater. I mean, middle school and freshman year me was exactly like them, I’ve grown a bit more confidence now, not a lot, but some. So, I’m not as shakey and scared, but I just relate so hard to them down to the gender identity and the mommy issues. But on that note, am I the only one who was just... dissatisfied by their fight with Medusa?

I mean, that was genuinely their fight to take on. They had to confront her, because she was the root of all of their issues, and they failed spectacularly. In fact they ended up almost dying. And that just... doesn’t sit right with me. How come all the other characters get to take on the roots of their issues and overcome them and actually beat them, and Crona just doesn’t get that? They deserved the closure of knowing that they are so much stronger than Medusa’s manipulations and all the trauma that she gave them. And, I’m not even fighting the fact Maka would come in and deliver the finishing blow or anything with genie hunter like that’s fine! In fact, it would’ve made that battle even more poetic because if Crona was failing the fight and about to get struck down and then Maka came in and saved them, and they managed to work and fight together, that would have been even greater! Because it was largely Maka who helped them start to feel comfortable with themselves and have the beginnings of working through their issues. Just as long as Crona had been able to pin Medusa in a spot with a final awe-inspiring line just before Maka uses genie hunter as a representation that they are stronger without Medusa, because they found healthy connections all by themselves and that’s what makes them stronger. Like, would I be wrong to assume that feels like a lot better of an ending?

Because the way it went just... makes it feel like Crona wasn’t strong enough to beat their mother, they’ll never be strong enough. They will always be the victim and need someone else to fight their problems for them instead of getting to do it themselves. It feels like it steals Crona’s moment to shine and show their true strength. And I don’t know, I’m probably not explaining it well but the way that fight went down just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know if anyone else feels that way, or if the Soul Eater fandom is still alive but, yeah.

[leavetwn]

* AMANDA CAMPANA, NOBINARY + SHE/HER/THEY/THEM  | you know RAMONA GALLO, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWENTY-THREE YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to CRYING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR BY MUNA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole COLD PIZZA AS A HANGOVER CURE, TALKING SHIT ABOUT CUSTOMERS IN THE BREAKROOM, LONGING FOR WHAT COULD'VE BEEN,  thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 17TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

HEY , BESTIES ! happy new year (the way it’s 11:55pm here so barely) !! my name’s claire and i’m 22. i’m livin in the est timezone, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m bringing y’all a mess of a muse 😈 because well  ,,, it’s what i’m best at. if you’re feelin ramona & wanna plot, just go ahead and like this & i’ll hit you up. i usually plot on discord, but if you prefer the tumblr ims, that’s no problem at all. anyway, lemme stop waistin time and get to introducing you to ramona. * tw: mentions of cheating & alcohol. 

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: ramona gallo.  nickname(s): anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-three. date of birth: august 17th. zodiac sign: leo. gender/pronouns: non-binary, she/her/they/them. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: irving, north carolina. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: employee at zoinkies currently,  a lifeguard during the summer. eye color: brown. hair color/style: had long hair up until her breakup then had one of those breakdowns and cut her own hair into a bob and then her own bangs. i bet it was a mess lol so she probably called her friends or went to a salon the very next day to get it fixed. also highlighted the ends red but her natural color is brown. height : 5′5″. clothing style: simple and comfortable. t-shirts, croptops, turtlenecks, all usually paired with either jean shorts or jeans in general. she prefers to feel cozy rather than cute. tattoos: yes. a small one on her wrist. wants more eventually. piercings: both ears peirced & a navel piercing that she did herself against better judgement lol.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

you were born on a scorching hot day in irving , your father says so, anyway. you’re convinced he’s being dramatic. your birth went smoothly; after two previous children, your parents had become disillusioned by childbirth. just another one to add to the bunch, and one that was meant to save a dying marriage. still, they loved you nonetheless. your father, to this day. your mother, until you were ten, and then she up and left without a warning. 

your father keeps food on the table by fixing cars. you spend your days in the hot sun watching him replace parts and continuously try to crank vehicles until they run. he fist pumps every time one does. ‘ how lame, ’ you think, but it’s inspiring how hard he works to take care of three kids. and he does a good job. 

therefore , you spend much of your early life trying to make him proud. you’re smart as a whip, and all your teachers have good things to say about you when it comes to academics. you’re a bit of a troublemaker, though. your father doesn’t mind that too much; he was the same at your age. and he’s proud  —  proud to see you work so hard. 

you spend your teenage years doing much of the same. though , you begin to come home a bit later than usual, and your excuse is that you’ve been at ashley’s or samantha’s, but really all three of you were out partying. you don’t think your father would care (your grades are fine & he wants you to live like a normal teenager) ,  but you still lie about it. why ? well, who knows, maybe you like the adrenaline rush it gives you. like most things, you do them for the thrill. 

you join the swim team. you’re kind of bad , but that’s okay. just like always , you work hard, and you realize that you’re kind of a natural. your father cheers louder than anyone else in the stands. it pushes you to do better. with your good grades and athletics , your guidance counselor tells you you’re a shoo in for a scholarship from whatever university you want. you apply to several. if it’s one thing you hate, its this town. you can’t wait to make it out, and you figure, this might be your only way. 

you’re eighteen, and you’re in love. it’s crazy how love can make you see things differently. suddenly , this town doesn’t seem half bad. all your friends find it cute , and you tell them everything. the things he tells you or the way he makes you feel. it’s a crazy feeling; you never want it to end. 

you throw your cap in the air. finally , high school is over. college is looming. you’ve been accepted to several & received scholarships from at least a few. you lie in bed thinking about it. now, you suddenly don’t want to leave so bad. don’t want to leave him behind. how could someone leave another they love so easily? it makes you hate your mother more.

for the first time, you disappoint your father. you don’t go to college. you don’t give a damn. you want to stay where love is. you’re addicted to the feeling. this lasts for three years. now, you’re twenty-one; you’ve gotten a job at zoinkies, and that keeps you away for most of the day. you randomly decide to visit your boyfriend during a lunch break one day. you find him in bed with someone else. suddenly , you realize love isn’t as addicting as you once thought. what once made the world beautiful now made it hideous. what once made you feel so high had somehow made you feel so low. it was horrible, and you’d realized your mistakes. 

you threw away your future for love. something as rotten and twisted as love. something you swore you’d never let yourself feel again. something that you put away in a locked box with no key. irving was the same place you’d always known it to be. boring, drab, familiar. at least you had your family. that was barely enough to keep you sane, though, and it was hard to feel normal.

you turned to the thing that help. alcohol, partying, any escape at all. you lacked coping skills   —  that much was clear, but you didn’t care. you blamed it on something else entirely. just as your teachers had said, you’re a bit of a troublemaker. you do anything to make yourself feel alive, to make yourself feel free of the hurt. 

it’s two years later now. you’re still not over it in some ways, as regret turns to anger and resentment. you’re bitter. who wouldn’t be? but you feel like you’ve had time to mourn. maybe it’s because you never acknowledged it in the way you should’ve ( it’s still locked away in that box. ) you still have your bad habits. you still work at your stupid job that you hate. you’re lost, but you’ll figure it out. you always do. so, you continue to float , seemingly stuck in the town that you never let go of, and you wonder what comes next. only time will tell.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

still swims but doesn’t have as much time for it. probably not as good, but since she spends the summer lifeguarding, she uses that time to practice & try to get back to where she was. also kinda jaded asf so even if she says she wants to get back into it, she probably won’t lmaoo.

is a horrible driver. how did she get a license ?? not even she knows. def the type to like have a leg up on the dash board, hand out the window, and only one hand on the wheel while speedin idk how she makes it out alive

can take a car apart and put it back together again thanks to her dad. also changes her own tires so let her change your tires. im just sayin 

stays up way too late & would sleep until 2 pm everyday if she didn’t have to work. should probably work on being an adult and going to bed at a normal time but just half the time doesn’t give a fuck so she’s probably sleep deprived a lot. therefore also has a 

character parallels: alice ayres/jane jones (closer, 2004) , clementine (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, 2004) , fiona gallagher (shameless, 2011-present) , more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

ok but plots really do be making my world go ‘round. 😳 i love em, so literally hmu with anything you’re feeling, and i’ll be down. just wanna plot & write with everyone 💕 but here’s a couple of wanted connections for y’all. i’ll prolly have a most wanted tag sooner or later & i’ma be make a plot page soon.  

* the unholy trinity  — these two are the friends she cherishes most. i’m assuming they’ve been friends since at least early high school , maybe earlier. they went through a lot together. these two were with her through all her relationship troubles. true ride or dies. she’s do absolutely anything for them, and she trusts that they feel the same way. they’re rowdy & wild, do whatever they want, and have a damn good time doin it. also have a gc where they just talk shit and send tiktoks idk just gimme this plsss 🥺

* friends with benefits / one night stands  —  this would probably be the extent of ramona. clearly not over what happened to her the last time 😭, so she’d have plenty of these tbh. she probably wouldn’t think too much about it, but it could be awkward for you muse maybe, etc. 

* unrequited love / crush  —  here’s a toast to the ones who crush on ramona. it would be an absolute tragedy lmaoo. she’s not really mean about it, but she is 100% certain she’s not looking for any type of relationship. could be really dramatic and messy and those are tha best kind. literally this

* former friends / enemies  —  she’s lived here her whole life, so she’s at least got one. these two just don’t get along/no longer get along for whatever reason that can be plotted out. 

* coworkers   — she works zoinkies throughout the year and picks up shifts as a lifeguard during the summer so your muses could know her from that. could delve into a close friend territory too lmao. they probably just sit in break rooms and talk about rude customers or bossy managers lmaooo.

* literally anything your heart desires — a lot could work. we could even just start from nowhere & have them meet for the first time if they’re newer/just to town. 

[x-reader-theater]

Doubt {2}

Relationship: Lucifer Morningstar x Non-Binary!Reader

Summary: And so begins the adjustment to life back on earth. What does it have in store for you, and how will you feel after everything Lucifer does for you?

Warnings: Cursing, Graphic Body Horror, Lucifer being a Bastard

Word Count: 4724 words

A/N: Please like and reblog, and make sure to share it with people if you like it! This isn’t going to be that long, but each individual chapter is at least 3k words so... I’m sorry but I’m also not loll. Also, if you like reading things on AO3 more, you can read it here. 

[Prev.] <= [First] => [Next]

Chapter 2:  The Big Bad Wolf Caught an Angel

You walk down the stairs the next morning to see Lucifer talking with the Detective. 

"Ah! Angel! How good to see you again!" Lucifer says. 

"You as well Lucifer," you say, going to join him at the bar. "And you as well Detective Decker. I don't think we've really had a chance to talk." 

The detective nods. "You know, I would love to. But, Lucifer and I have a case. So if you wouldn't mind, we should get going now." 

The detective gets up and grabs her things, looking at Lucifer to follow her. He gets up suddenly and follows her, waving at you before he goes, leaning into you, and saying quickly, "Maze has had her fun, it's my turn tonight." 

You nod and watch as he walks out with the detective. 

The door closes behind you, and you listen as one set of footsteps start to walk away, while another stays still. You walk closer to the door and lean up against the wall as you listen in to what the two are saying. 

"No, Lucifer, I can't be nicer. She's cra-!" The detective yells, before quieting her voice. "Crazy…" 

"They are not crazy. They're scared," Lucifer says. "This is new to them." 

"Huh. Never thought you'd care about someone other than yourself." You can hear the shock in her voice being masked by indignation. 

"Yes, well. This is a special case…" Lucifer says, and you smile. 

They begin talking about whatever case they're working on and you walk away back to the middle of the club. You smile as you pour yourself a drink, and take a sip from it. 

[Now Playing: Devil's Waitin' by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club]

"So, what do you want to eat?" Lucifer says as he bursts through the front doors. You look up from the book you're reading. 

"I'm sorry?" You ask, putting the book down. 

He walks over and sits next to you at the bar. "I want to remind you how… amazing earth is. And so, we… are going to get something to eat. What do you want?" 

"Do we need to eat?" You ask. "Because, humans need to eat to survive. But, we're not humans." You hold up the book you were reading. 

"Where did you get that? And what is that book?" Lucifer asks. 

"Oh this?" You ask, holding up the book. "Maze gave it to me. Said it would help me 'Understand humans' or something."

"Is that… a romance book?" Lucifer asks. "She gave you a cheesy romance book to learn about humans?" Lucifer looks at you like you're insane before grabbing the book out of your hands and putting it down on the bar. "Nope. Come on. I'm going to take you out and teach you all you need to know about humanity." 

"You lost my place!" You say as he drags you away. 

"It's not worth it anyways," he says, stopping before you get to the door. "I was going to say we need to change, but you look lovely in that dress, angel." He's smirking again. That same smirk as before, the one he had when you met Arianna. 

"Let's get to dinner," you say back to him, patting him on his chest. 

"Ooh, alright angel. Whatever you say." 

[Now Playing: Devil's Head Down by Pearl and the Beard]

"So, what is this place?" You ask as Lucifer leads you out of his… automobile? No. He called it a car. 

"This is a restaurant. Humans come here for some sort of, mating ritual for their relationships," Lucifer replies, placing a hand on your back to lead you towards the entrance. He tosses his keys, yeah, you knew that one, to a man standing in front of the restaurant. You don't know that one yet. "Usually we need reservations for this place but… I know the owner. He owes me a favour." 

You stop Lucifer for a moment, turning to him, confused. "Reservation?" 

He sighs and starts moving forward again. "I'll tell you later."

You shrug as you walk inside. 

The place is flashy and elegant, with lots of red upholstery and gilded furniture. The people in the restaurant are equally as opulent, dressed in fine silks and satins, dripping with diamonds and brightly colored gems of all shapes and sizes. You look around in awe at everyone, and then look down at your own short cocktail dress that Maze lent you and start to feel very underdressed. 

Lucifer leads you past the line of waiting people directly to the front. There are a few shouts of protests behind you, but when you get to the front and Lucifer flashes a smile, the stewardess smiles at him and moves closer. 

He puts a hand out to stop her. "I'm sorry, but I'm taken for the night. Can you get Joey for me?" The girl nods, stunned, and walks in the opposite direction. 

"That's very impressive," you say to Lucifer, who looks down at you, eyebrows raised. "Is that the thing you can do here on earth?" 

Lucifer smiles a wide, toothy, half grin, and says, "Well, one of the things. I can also find out people's darkest desires. The things they want most in the world." He grins and looks away toward where the stewardess left, before looking back down at you. "Why do you ask?" 

You shrug. "I was just wondering. Mostly because, like I told you before, I can see people's true selves. Like, I don't see the man you present as. I see the man you are. Underneath all that." Lucifer nods, looking away. You sigh and point over toward a table where a man is talking with a woman. "See that human man there? He has two faces and his eyes are always shifting. It means he's duplicitous, he likes to lie a lot. One of his faces is looking at the girl across from him, but the other is looking at a girl across the room. He's telling the girl he loves her while his eyes are looking at another woman." 

You look back to Lucifer, his red, shining skin and red eyes are contorted into shock and awe. "And you got all that just from looking at some man's face?" You nod. "Now that's impressive." 

You shrug. "God gave me this ability. I looked upon his true form and he blinded me, and when he gave me back my sight, he blessed me with this gift." 

Lucifer looks down upon you with pity. "But, you never get to see the way people look on the outside. People spend time on their appearances, to make themselves look good. I mean, I chose the way I looked specifically because of that. Because I was attractive to people." 

You smile up at Lucifer and run your fingers over his face. "But that means I get to know you for you. I get to look past the appearances and see who you truly are inside."

"A monster?" 

"A man."

"Lucifer!" You hear someone call to you. Looking away from the man in question, you see someone, who you presume to be Joey, with his arms out, grinning wildly. The Stewardess is also walking back. Her face is round, and covered in crumbs, but she's skinny as a twig. All she wants is to eat a cupcake, and you suspect she likes to sneak one every now and again. She also has an unread script attached to her waist, denoting that she goes to auditions but doesn't prepare enough to get any good jobs. 

Joey on the other hand has every single pocket stuffed with dollar bills. He likes to cut costs in the kitchen and with employees, paying them less than he actually should. You also see his cuffs are stained red, but his shirt is a pristine white. Interesting. 

"Joey!" Lucifer says, patting the greedy man on the shoulder. His face looks like a lightly tinted green and yellow. 

"Lucifer! I just want to thank you again. Without your help, I would never have been able to open up this place," Joey exclaims and the Stewardess leans in toward Lucifer, who smiles guiltily and pushes her away. "Susannah! Get back to work!" 

She seems to snap out of her lustful gazing and walks back to her podium. 

"Yes, I need a table for two, Joey," Lucifer says. 

Joey looks you up and down before looking at Lucifer. "Seriously?" He says it as if he doesn't believe Lucifer is going to have dinner with someone like you. "You're going to have dinner, alone, with this guy?" 

"Not a guy," you say quickly, watching as Lucifer's face drops the smile it was holding. 

"Get us that table, Joey," Lucifer says, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper, a low growl underneath it. 

Joey gulps and nods quickly, grabbing two menus from the stewardess' podium before leading you to an outside table and setting the menus down in front of you. He smiles at Lucifer before walking off, not even glancing your way. 

Lucifer grimaces in his direction before turning back to you, looking genuinely sorry. "I'm so sorry about him. I didn't know he'd be such a…" 

"An asshole?" You supply, 

Lucifer laughs. "Yes. I suppose that fits." 

You smile, but cock your head to the side. "You don't seem like the kind of man to apologise for someone else's actions, Lucifer. Why do you keep doing it for me?" 

Lucifer goes to talk, but pauses, biting his lip. He actually thinks about what he's about to say to you. "I-" he goes to say, but he cuts himself off to think a little more about his words. "I can talk to you about things no one understands. Maze never fell, she was created in hell, the Detective doesn't believe me, the doctor doesn't believe me." Lucifer grabs your hand and squeezes it. "I don't have to hide anything from you." 

You smile and squeeze his hand back. "Thank you." 

Lucifer smiles, and you see matching long canines to Maze's. He leans in close and says low, "I wasn't kidding. You look ravishing, angel." 

You smile and look down at your dress again. "You think so? I feel very underdressed," you say, looking around at everyone else sitting outside with you. 

Lucifer leans in again and says, "I would have you right now if I could. I'm sure Joey wouldn't mind…" 

You smile politely and take your hand away from his. "I think I'm alright, Lucifer." 

He leans back in his chair, and you look around, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed. You look back over to Lucifer and say, "I don't just see people's true forms." Lucifer looks up at you as you say this, waiting for what you're about to say. "I can also hear things most people would not. I can hear heartbeats when I'm close enough, and I can hear voices from other rooms." Lucifer is looking at you confused. "I heard what Detective Decker said this morning. About how I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy," Lucifer says suddenly, getting up from his chair slightly. 

"Why? I would think to a human I would sound insane," you say. "Why aren't I crazy?" 

"Because if you're crazy, then what does that make me?" Lucifer asks. He's not telling, but people are looking at him now. 

You nod. "The detective doesn't understand," you say quietly. "She doesn't understand what it's like to fall." 

Lucifer looks up at you, not really sure what to say. You sit in silence for a little bit, drinking your wine with Lucifer. The silence isn't uncomfortable, but you definitely still have a lot to talk about. It's as if the words are hanging in the air, and none of you are willing to reach out and grab them. 

And then Lucifer gets a call. He takes out the small device you've seen a few other humans holding, and puts it up to his ear. 

"Ah! Detective! To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asks. You lean in, taking in his intonation, the way he's talking to her. You hear something on the other end, Detective Decker sounding stressed and rushed. 

"Lucifer. We have another case. At the pier," she says into her phone. "I'm on my way to Lux now, I'm coming to pick you up."

"Oh, no, my dear detective. I'm not at Lux. I'm out, having dinner," Lucifer says. 

"Oh! Oh, okay, uh, I'll text you the address. I'll see you there? Yeah. Yeah." The detective says, and you hear the click of the phone call ending. 

"Well," Lucifer says, putting his phone away in his pocket. "I have to go, you know, a murder happened and all. I'll drop you back off at Lux, and I'll be back, probably." He gets up and walks around the table to you, helping you out of your chair. But before you can take a step away, he pulls you in and whispers low in your ear, "And then we can finish what we started tonight." 

He practically has to carry you back to his car. 

[Now Playing: Moon River by Audrey Hepburn]

You smile at the song coming through the speakers, closing your eyes, and setting down your book for a moment. You lean back into the, probably, really dirty couch. You let the music wash over you, a music that you didn't get in either heaven or hell. You smile as you open your eyes, tilting your head from side to side with the music. 

"What is all this?" You hear someone say. Opening your eyes, you see the bright red face of Lucifer staring back at you. "You having a little fun there?" 

You hold up the book you're reading. "I was just reading, listening to some music. Maze taught me how to use the sound system. Introduced me to this thing called Spotify," you say, putting your finger in the book and closing it. "Have you ever heard of it?" 

"Yeah. Yeah. Of course I've heard of it," Lucifer says, sitting down on the couch as well, putting your feet into his lap. "Now, what are you reading this time?" 

You hold up the book. "It's a children's book. There's a 24 hour bookshop down the street. I… went down there, because I was bored and I kinda… stole it…" 

Lucifer's eyes light up and he looks at you in shock and awe. "You stole that! I'm impressed! Our little angel doing some truly devilish deeds at last!" 

You smile, then look down at the book, guilty. "Yes, well, then I went back and left a twenty on the counter because I felt guilty."

"Ooh, not so good. But! It's a start!" He says, putting his hands on your ankles. You flinch away from the touch, and you look away, feeling guilty. "Is something wrong, Angel?" 

"I'm still not used to… touch," you respond, folding the page you're on and setting it down on the ground. 

"Do you want to get better?" Lucifer asks, hovering his hand over your legs. 

You feel your cheeks heat up and you move your legs back over his. "I- I wouldn't be opposed. I think… it may be good to get used to it. It won't help me if I flinch every time someone bumps into me on the street, or I have a breakdown because someone touched my hand while I was giving them money…" 

"We'll go slow," Lucifer says, placing his hands back on your ankles. You stop yourself from moving away again, and just let him stay there. 

Eventually you fall asleep. When you wake up the next morning, there's a blanket on you, and you're still on the couch. But, there's no sign of Lucifer except that your feet are a little cold. 

[Now Playing: Blue Healer by Bird Talker]

"So. I'm glad you came to our session today," Doctor Linda says. She sounds a bit surprised though, which you don't really expect. "How did you get here?" 

You shrug. "I walked." 

"But- but that's a long way! Why did you walk?" Linds asks, even more surprised. 

You shrug again. "I don't exactly have anything to do." 

"So, what have you been doing?" 

"Reading. Sleeping. Talking with Lucifer and Maze." 

"Do you have any other friends?" You think for a moment. Then two. Wracking your brain for any names, any at all. None come up. And apparently, you take too long for Doctor Linda. "Well. Maybe that's what we should do first. Give you something to do, get you to meet more people…" 

You think for a moment. You might have an idea. 

[Now Playing Howling at the Moon by D Fine Us]

"Okay, it's really simple. The drinks aren't that hard to make," Maze says to you, yelling over the music.  You nod, watching Maze pour the drinks with much precision and grace. She hands you the mixed cocktail, and when you go to take a sip, she stops you. "Ah, ah, ah." She points to a woman at the bar who's looking at you annoyed, and you sheepishly give her the green tinted drink. She takes it from you rather forcefully, and you have to step back a bit so it doesn't spill on you. 

"Sorry, sorry," you say to the woman as she walks off. You don't think she heard you. You turn back to Maze feeling guilty. 

She rolls her eyes and starts making another drink. A man comes up to the bar, handsome fellow, with black hair and brown eyes and skin. He smiles at you and you smile back and you feel your cheeks heat up. 

"Wh-what can I do for you?" You ask the handsome man. 

"A whiskey," he says, leaning in so he doesn't have to talk as loud. 

You look back at the wall of alcohol, before turning back to the man and saying, "Which one?" 

He leans in closer, smiling. "You choose." 

You smile and turn away, looking at all the bottles on the wall. Not knowing which one is which, you turn to Maze and whisper in her ear, "What's the best whiskey you have?" 

You gesture with your eyes towards the man who's looking around now, tapping his fingers on the bar. Maze smirks and reaches down underneath the bar, pulling out a bottle from amongst a bunch of very expensive looking bottles. You mouth 'Thank you' to her, and she smiles at you. 

You grab a glass and walk over to him, pouring a small glass of Whiskey for the man. He smiles at you and takes a small sip, letting you watch as he swallows slowly. 

"Mmm. This is divine," he says. 

"Not quite," you reply with a smile. 

The man laughs and takes another sip of his whiskey. "So, what's your name?" 

"[Y/N]. And you?" You ask in reply. 

"Gabriel," he responds. 

"Like the Archangel?" You ask with a laugh. Gabriel laughs under his breath and nods. "Huh. You seem… nothing like him…" you mutter underneath your breath, barely loud enough for even you to hear. 

"My parents were- are Catholic. They thought it was funny to name their son after an archangel," he laughs at that. It's not particularly funny, but it's funny to him. "And I thought it was funny that their only son went off to college and partied every day." 

"You sound more like a demon than an angel," you say. 

He smiles. "Oh? And what would you know about that?" 

You scoff and look away from him, over your shoulder almost. You look back at him and say, "Quite a bit, actually." 

He looks at you disbelieving, but like he wants to drag you across the bar and… do something to you. 

"Oh! Well! What do we have here?" You hear someone say. Looking up from your staring contest with Gabriel. "The Angel having a little fun on the job?" 

You roll your eyes and pour a glass of whiskey for Lucifer. You give him the glass and he takes it from you, brushing his fingers against yours. You don't pull your hand away, you don't flinch, and you let your hand stay there for a couple of seconds. Finally, Lucifer pulls his fingers away, but you don't stop looking at him, and he doesn't take his glowing red eyes away from you. 

"Oookay. I don't know what this thing is, but-" you hear a slapping sound on the bar -"Here's a fifty. I'm going to leave you two… yeah." 

You hear the chair scraping and you finally blink and look away towards Gabriel. "Wait!" You call after him. He stops and turns around. "It was nice talking to you!" 

He smiles and nods, turning around and leaving Lux. 

You turn back to Lucifer who raises an eyebrow. "What, did I ruin your moment?" Lucifer asks. 

You glare at him, though there's no malice behind your eyes. "I was trying to make a friend." 

Lucifer scoffs. "Make a friend? He wanted to bend you over the bar and take you in front of all these people!" He waves his arm out and you roll your eyes. 

You scoff. "Are you jealous?" 

Lucifer leans back in his chair, mouth agape, looking shocked and offended that you would ever imply that. "I beg your pardon! The devil isn't jealous!" Lucifer says. 

You laugh lightly behind your hand. "Okay. Okay," you say, leaning back and putting your hands up. "So the devil doesn't get jealous." You smile at Lucifer. "You know that book I was reading before?" Lucifer nods slowly, looking at you like you're confusing him. 

"What- what does this have to do with anyth-" Lucifer asks but you cut him off. 

"Shhhh!" You say putting a hand up. His eyebrows shoot up and he leans back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, waiting for you to continue. "Now. The book I was reading was ‘The Three Little Pigs.’" Lucifer scoffs and rolls his eyes and you put up a hand again. "I know, I know. It's a children's book, it's meaningless drivel, blah blah blah. But there was something about it that reminded me…" You shake your head. "Anyways, the story's about these pigs and the houses they're making. Now there's this wolf who really wants to get into those houses, and the story frames the wolf as the bad guy. He wants to get into the houses and eat the pigs. I don't think he actually wants to do this. I think he wants to be in the pig's lives, but instead of asking nicely, and respecting them, he blows down their houses, until one of the pigs builds a house that the wolf can't blow down, and he's shut out of the pig's lives." You let out a breath and Lucifer goes to talk, but you cut him off. "What I'm trying to say is, Lucifer…" You reach out and grab his hand. "Don't be the wolf who caught the angel. Don't get jealous and destroy the nice things you have. You never know when someone will build a wall you can't break down." 

You get up and walk away from Lucifer, and you hear him calling from behind you, "I'm not jealous!" 

[Now Playing: Illusion of Bliss by Alicia Keys] 

 You stand in front of the mirrors again, looking at your wings, at the perfectly white bone protruding from your back. You move them up and down. They don't hurt anymore. At least, you don't notice any pain. You're sure there's still some underneath there somewhere, but you must have gotten used to it. You watch as your wings flex out to their full size before relaxing back into their original state. They haven't gotten any bigger or smaller since the last time you checked. You guess that's good. That means you haven't done anything good or bad. 

But do you want that? To live in stagnation for the rest of time while humanity withers and dies from wars waged in God's name? 

"[Y/N]! I wanted to talk to you about tonight!" 

You turn to the door and watch it being opened by someone, by Lucifer, and you go to hide your wings. 

But it's too late. 

"Angel-" Lucifer stops as he watches the bone fold back into your skin, which fuses over it, and the scars reform, and stanch the blood flowing from your back. "Wha…" 

"I can explain!" You exclaim, putting your hands out. You don't know if it's to protect you or Lucifer from you. 

"Your wings…" he breathes out. He reaches out but there's nothing to touch. You turn around, and let your wings once again break through your skin and blood once again falls down your back. 

While you can't feel Lucifer's hands on your wings, you know they're there, the presence of another celestial being near you is almost enough to make your knees weak. It's stronger on earth than in heaven. At least in heaven everyone's considered celestial. 

You feel him touch where the base of your wings meet your back and you flinch away. 

"I'm sorry…" Lucifer whispers. He sounds in shock and awe. "Have you ever thought about cutting them off?" 

You back away at that and turn around, folding your wings in protectively behind you. "What! I would never!" You take another step back. "How could you even say that?" you whisper. 

"Well, you're a fallen angel now!" Lucifer says, taking a step closer to you. Your back is against the wall now, and you're shaking your head now, tears rolling down your face. "Besides, they're useless anyways."

You shake your head again, even more fervently now than before, and you say quietly under your breath, "No… no…" You look Lucifer in the eye and glare at him. "No! I will not cut off my wings!" You fold them protectively around you. "I-I can't! I won't!" 

"But why not!" 

"Because- Because I just can't! If I do, God wins! And I can't let that happen," you say, and Lucifer stops. "I can't let God win…" You look down at the ground, at your feet, and grab your wings. "If God really is all powerful, all mighty, and all good, why do bad things happen to good people? Lucifer, you of all people should understand. I can’t let my hatred of him push me to rash decisions. I don't think my feathers falling off is his doing. This isn't him  because this is a cruel and- and a fucking awful thing to do! And if God really is kind, this isn't him. And if it is, I doubt God even cares for one measly little angel who got pushed out of heaven because they said one. Wrong. Thing." 

Lucifer takes a step forward now, his arms at his side. "Angel…" 

"What!" You yell at him, but he doesn't flinch. 

"Your… your wings!" He says, and looking over, you see new bones growing from the ends of them. You gasp and reach out, feeling as the bone shifts in your hands, getting longer and longer, before finally, they stop growing. Your wings are the size they were before. You hear the bone clacking together, and you smile as tears start falling down your cheeks. 

"How-how is this possible?" Lucifer asks reaching out to touch your wings as well. Your hand finds his on the bone, and you leave your fingers together. 

"I think it's my doubt," you say. "When I questioned why I ever doubted God, when I thought I shouldn't have done it and maybe I would still be in heaven, these bones-" you point to the ones that just grew back using your free hand "-fell off. And turned to ash, just like my feathers. I think it's some- some kind of sick test!" You say, anger penetrating your voice as you spit the words out. Lucifer unclasps your hand and walks away from you, running his fingers over his head. 

"So what does this mean?" Lucifer asks and you walk up to him, turning him around so you can see into his red eyes. 

"What this means, Lucifer, is that God wants me to doubt him. And I don't know why." 

[Now Playing: Like a Star by Corrine Bailey Rae]