#is it because i have a social life now??
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God I completely forgot about how many delirious rambles about Gaiden I anonymously sent to people on here, and it hasn't even been a year. Something something last semester was a lot and also kind of draining something something I'll go get back to dumping out old art
#honestly i'm kind of scared to even search up all of my gaiden anon era insanity#i think i'd rather just not know#also sorry to the person i promised a sad tsujimura rant to#i'd do it now but the thing is i can't remember NEARLY as much gaiden lore as i could like 6 months ago#so uh. whoopsies i guess!#.txt#but also like jesus christ why did i go from being gaiden obsessed to mostly normal SO QUICKLY#is it because i have a social life now??#man.
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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Publishing has always been a fucking nightmare, but now it’s a layer of hell. It’s not enough that writers be good at what they do. Writers have to maintain an active social media presence and cultivate a following. Be available.
They have to be conventionally attractive enough to look good enough to see on a screen, aesthetically pleasing, kind, funny, up-to-date on trends, socially aware but not so controversial that they turn off a brand from California from slapping their discount code on a video promoting a book.
They have to do all of this with no media training, with little help from the companies that are supposed to be doing this for them.
Of course, a lot of this isn't possible for say, the 40-something mother of two who teaches English at a school and writes on the side. She’s boxed out of an already complex industry that already has enough walls.
On some level, I think authors have always marketed themselves a little, but we’ve reached such a crazy point where we’re demanding the author become the influencer. Accessibility in publishing has narrowed from an inch to a sliver. And that inch was hard enough to get in as is.
#This is about traditional publishing but there’s pretty privilege and ageism in self publishing too#I can’t think of the last time I saw an up and coming author recording videos who was over thirty#And frankly that’s a shame#It could be that I’m not looking hard enough#but it’s more likely that algorithms are trained the way they are#truly I don’t think they should have to do any of that at all#And forgive me but (and I know it’s rich because I’m an artist on a platform) but art shouldn’t be at the mercy of an algorithm#Now there’s also something to be said about self publishing becoming easier and easier to achieve success in#And doors opening because of influencer status is real and makes publishing wider in a way#But that doesn’t mean it’s accessible#I’m not gonna plaster my health issues over the wall but that life is certainly not accessible to me!#are you healthy enough to write and make sure people on social media still want to like your stuff#are you mentally well enough to be your own pr#I’m sure people who have studied this have more to say and have said it better but this is what I’ve observed#writing#publishing#publishing industry
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Mf with academic validation issues who grew up in an emotionally neglectful family gets 1 compliment once
Save my boy Deuce 🩵🩵🩵
#one piece#masked deuce#marco the phoenix#whitebeard pirates#ace novel#one piece fancomic#many ppl (including myself) find it strange how quick Deu was to accept the Whitebeards since it seems very out of character for him#now I still think it is out of character buuut#imagine you’ve been torn down socially by your bother your whole life#and your parents wanted for both of you to be doctors but he was a protogy and you were just okay#so you were torn into by all of them for that#and ran away because of it#and now you’ve been the makeshift doctor on a pirate crew for around a year. you’re having the best time but you still doubt your own skill#and then your captain gets kidnapped and you go after him#but you get kidnapped too. and you are put to work in the infirmary under one of the best doctors in the world#and then he compliments your work and he’s apparently hes a professional older brother and wants to mentor you and and and uhhhhhg#anyway Deuce’s lil sarcasm shell is very fragile and I feel like one genuine compliment could make him break down#one piece fanart#my art#op deuce#one piece deuce#marco one piece#haruta one piece#novel ace#ace novel one piece#one piece comic#digital fanart#digital sketch#art#yapping in tags
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Jason who immediately loses respect for people who don't own up to their mistakes vs Annabeth who would rather die than admit she made a mistake
#jason vs annabeth. autism vs npd lol#idk what the outcome is. i don't think they'd fight physically. but jason would get on her ass. and she'd be so fucking pissed abt it#she'd strategize different ways to put him in uncomfortable situations for whatever reason#and he's just vibing through them because he's been uncomfortable his entire life. pretending to be bacon for a monster is not new#anyway jason looking at his dad who's refusing to admit he made some dumb decisions and immediately going this guy is an idiot fuck him#happy talks pjo#npd!annabeth#jason grace#annabeth chase#oh oh annabeth needing everyone to like and trust her and jason's lost respect for her drives her up the fucking wall#she's the only one of the seven who could really be considered friends with all of them and jason's judgy eyes make her want to explode#she 100% rants herself to sleep about things he says. maybe that's where percy and jason's beef arised from#percy recognizing that annabeth is fustrated with jason because jason is blunt and doesn't really know to soften his words.#so now percy is fustrated with jason because annabeth is the source of his personhood right now. meanwhile jason is just vibing oblivious#no social awarenes whatsoever. anyway lol#but oooooo see leo's inferiority complex actually makes him fess up to errors in a way that judges him (jokingly but not really)#even if the error wasn't his fault. but it's his willingness to admit to his mistakes that makes jason really appreciate and trust him#so we have npd!annabeth who can't admit to being wrong because it would kill her ego#and then inferiority complex leo who does admit to being wrong because he hates himself#and when he fucks up he is quick to confess (often in a self-deprecating joke manner) so that no one can say anything that would hurt him#if he kills his ego before other people can even attempt it then he's safe from their judgement in some way#okaaaay bac to studying lol
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just a heads up that enmeshment with your therapist is a sign that you need a different therapist. you go to these people to offload and heal, but if you're emotionally enmeshed and that's keeping you from bringing topics forward, that is no longer a healthy relationship nor a therapist that should be treating you.
just so you're aware. your therapist should not be an uncle figure you're afraid to talk about embarrassing stuff with, he's an impartial audience to help you heal. that emotional connection is now HINDERING you from healing.
honestly! me making one personal post! does not tell you the full story! while i defintly have an emotional connection with him- i have had other therapists in my life in and out the entire time. i seek help from other sources frequently! i said it was like talking to an uncle simply because of the fact he’s known me since i was a child, which makes talking about adult topics at times a little embarrasing because he knew me when i was 11!! he is not like an uncle to me in an other respect, i have a seperation. and i have openly discussed this with him and why im uncomfortable at times!! but we talk it out!! because its my therapist and me making one post doesnt mean you know everything!! geez!! also ive been embarrassed to talk about sex with every other therapist ive had!! not your call to make!!
#in the time ive been seeing him ive had easily a dozen other social workers clinicians case workers and speciality therapists. ive been to#groups and classes and everything.#having a stable person in my life who i can trust to help me is important to me because ive been to so many doctors and a lot of them i dont#trust at all. there are some times i struggle with him but i feel safe to talk to him#it just takes me a minute sometimes because i remember playing board games in our sessions and its weird to be an adult now#he’s probably retiring soon so i plan to stay until he does. and then i will move on#impartiality sure. but i need to trust someone to some level. the social worker i saw the longest it took me several years with to discuss#my abuser with because its!! hard to talk about that stuff with someone you dont know
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the best reason to socialize is so that you will have stories to tell other people while you're socializing with them. it's a racket. a pyramid scheme. it's all built on air
#JUST KIDDING i love my friends <3#no but i did just see my sister and i started so many stories with 'when i was at my friend's house recently'#which is crazy! you can only do that if you go to your friends' houses!#(or interact in some other way obviously it doesn't have to be in person don't get stuck on the details here)#i was talking about like five different people too. like oh shit look whose lame older sister has a social life now kind of!!#if i hadn't done all that socializing i would have only been able to tell her about books i've read lately and then we would have#had all that extra time to fill talking about how our mother messed her up. which we were already doing we would have just been doing#it more#my posts#i did not give her any strands of my hair this time BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT#maybe i will give her some tomorrow#we're spending the entire day together for various family events and then we're going to a soccer game lol#lol because neither of us care about the game or the team but we were supposed to go with someone else who backed out#so that should be interesting. anyway i'm all tuckered out with socializing lately so apologies to anyone i have not responded to on here#f
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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"we need more complex female characters!" yall couldn't even handle cressida cowper
#i don't get cressida hate#like cressida's hated for being a “mean girl” but penelope is excused for writing horrible vile things about girls in a gossip column#not pitting them against each other but be so serious right now#and she's also the first - if not one of the only few people who recognizes what the social season does to women#she knows it pits women against each other; she's forced to learn how to because of parental pressure#she does not have the privilege to think freely and love whoever she wants like eloise#i simply don't understand; cressida deserves a better ending; a proper character arc on her own and a life SHE gets to choose for#fandoms and in general- media treat women differently and hold them to a higher standard#and often they aren't written or thought about from a sympathetic angle#like yes cressida is mean; yes she owes people an apology; yes she needs a redemption arc#but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve the sympathy#cressida cowper#bridgerton
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#p4#persona 4#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#EVERYDAY IM HOWLING. EVERYDAY IM SCREAMING.#for context this comes at the heel of yosuke charging at mitsuo kubo in rage because of his flippance towards killing saki and he's hit har#but souji and kanji jump in to protect him#like ok a lot of things going on here such as the obvious OH MY GODDDD yosuke being yosuke and taking things on for himself#because he doesn't want to bother people?? because he's made it his own responsibility? because his survivor's guilt is still lingering?#i mean don't tell me he doesn't look at how he surrendered to his shadow like apart from his self-sacrificing propensity#i low key feel like everytime yosuke demands answers about saki's death from the murderer/god/etc there's this undertone of how#he would rather it have been him#he cheapens his own life so much and for what#BUT ALSO!! ALSO!! not just souji jumping in because we know he would he's down bad for yosuke BUT ALSO KANJI#listen you've all heard me talk so much about how i adore kanji yosuke friendships#i can't really tell whether it's kanji or souji that says “haven't we earned your trust yet” but it's a line that hits SO HARD#regardless of which one of them was saying it and i think it hits hard in slightly different manners#it's kanji's admiration and how he looks up to yosuke and how he wants to be closer to yosuke as a friend/kouhai/whatever you want#tatsumi “who's your partner now!” kanji has so much respect for yosuke he wants yosuke to rely on him too!!!#and this stands out because kanji is very conscious of social hierarchies and such but as a kouhai as yosuke's junior#he's so specific about wanting yosuke to treat him as an equal#i smtimes feel bad for kanji because he has a bit of that vibe of a poor puppy trailing after souyo because he wants to be in their convos!#he wants to be included! but critically he also just! wants them to SEE him!!#going a lil off tangent but i think kanji's attitude towards souji is very much one of kouhai respect like he understands his place#of like deferring to souji or getting advice from him and just generally regarding him as a reliable mentor#and it's the same with chie and yukiko? but idk man. with yosuke. guys. with yosuke i always feel like kanji wants to break that hierarchy#that convention. that social norm. to cross a line and be closer to yosuke.#he's more willing to tease yosuke in a way he doesn't with the other 2nd years. and this isn't coming from a place of disrespect either#AGAIN. KANJI REALLY LIKES YOSUKE. he wants to protect yosuke!!! he jumps at the opportunity for yosuke to rely on him!!#i'm getting delulu but there's those hints of “yosuke senpai i want you to see me as a man!!!” kind of energy here and i'm it's yknow hmm
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It's just... odd to me, I suppose, going from "what is in my pants is completely irrelevant to most anybody else's life" to the expectation that you must be completely open, essentially, about what is in your pants.
I think a lot of people understand the general idea of why it's bad decorum to demand people offer explanations for private information like this, but they don't analyze exactly why it's bad besides, "asking directly is just rude" and not "asking in any way still enforces the often violent nature of gender and sex, and putting people in the 'right box' is a part of that violence."
It's especially odd when seeing other trans people enforcing the idea that "what's in your pants?" is a genuine, good-faith basis for interacting with others.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#what i mean by the last paragraph is... WHY does it matter?#if i lied to you right now about what is in my pants... how would you know OR how would you change how i am treated by you?#and also. i would absolutely rather lie about my *own* body than be put in danger because it is a trans body#if worse comes to worst i genuinely don't care if somebody is mildly insulted that i didn't 'trust them' enough with that information#it's just weird to see people go from 'only tell doctors that info; it hardly matters outside that!' to...#...'you need to tell ANYbody - even in social and platonic situations where you don't think it matters'...#...can you see how believing in the fundamental idea (that your sex and to extent gender is not your own and belongs to everybody else)...#...doesn't really mesh well with the idea that trans people should be able to live an autonomous life wherein their information is *theirs*#and can you see how for people who aren't trans but have an 'its complicated' with the broad 'what's in your pants?' would ALSO be hurt?#because even if you don't word it as such you still present the fundamental idea that - again - your sex and gender are required informatio#and that it must be judged to be 'accurate' so others can place you in whatever direction they want to treat you with#anyway lying about this shit isn't Inherently Evil and the idea that it's like. a boogeyman is weird actually
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It turns out that I never research because it makes me think the details are the point instead of the story.
The story is the point! It doesn't matter if I don't have an entire world with all its history and cultural and political customs realistically fleshed out! Focus on the story and fill in the details later!
#adventures in writing#shadowstruck#sooo...yeah#shadowstruck not doing the greatest#because i decided to read slave narratives to get background for what cultures are like#where some humans are not considered people#and first off it's even worse than you'd think#(you'd think you know right? we know the horrors. but the banal details of daily life make it worse)#but also enslavement non-personhood doesn't always quite map to medical non-personhood#and i'm not sure if the two fit together in a coherent way in thus world#and also now it's got me thinking#'clearly i can't write this because i haven't figured out centuries of history'#'and all the varying philosophies that have shaped the current political and social zeitgeist'#'and the entire history of the abolition movement'#and that is stupid because it's supposed to be the story of one girl who gets swept up in political controversy#and about whether she can have a life or a family again#i really need to try to pare this down to a family narrative as much as possible#rather than aiming for intricate political drama#it can be exciting and emotional! stop trying to be clever and dull!
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dw about it. he's just like that.
og images under cut:
#pokemon#pokeani#ash ketchum#trainer alain#gale shitposting#y'all can tag this as#megabondshipping#if you want. i won't stop you. but this is mostly just a joke about how alan is immediately ride or die the moment he decides he likes you#are you a friend? are you someone he cares about? have you reached social link level 2? alan will now die for you.#no you do not have a say in the matter#i saw this knight shitpost and immediately thought of alan tbh#ash is just the funniest option for the first person because it isn't a season of pokeani if he doesn't die at least five times#if you don't need more than one hand to count his almost deaths or actual deaths it's not pokeani#pikachu is giving ash the stinkeye because he damn well knows that 90% of those almost deaths are ash's fault.#he does not stop running headfirst into danger the moment he thinks someone needs help#pikachu is also giving alan the stinkeye because he knows alan isn't any better and/or is worse#you are both going to get yourselves in trouble for each other and then he has to bail both of you out. you are both giving him more work.#you're both horrible and give him heart attacks every day and he doesn't know why he likes either of you.#(it's because you'll run headfirst into danger for anyone regardless of whether they deserve it or not. and give him heart attacks)#this is pikachu's life this is the life he chose and he just has to deal with it now. alas.#fanart
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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So funny when people make posts like "if you REALLY had [disability here] you wouldn't be ABLE to have a social media account" like god forbid disabled people do anything that isn't lament in total isolation until they are Fixed or until they die.
#thistle--down#disability#tw fakeclaiming#i shan't address the post that originally baited me into posting this because-#30 seconds on their blog was enough to see it was All about the attention for them and i refuse to give it to them.#disabilities do make social media difficult. be it pain or fatigue issues. motor issues. intellectual issues. ptsd and trauma issues.#others that are no doubt slipping my mind right now.#like you aren't going to see the people who aren't able to uae social media on the internet.#you aren't going to know when aomeone takes a step back from social media unless they tell you.#otherwise - all you see is a dead blog. a gap of a few weeks or months perhaps (if they return)#you dont see the systems people have in place to Use social media unless they show you (and you are not entitled to being shown)#social media is a huge part of modern life. diaabled people don't need to avoid it to prove to some fucking creature on the internet#that they are Disabled Enough.#get the Fuck out.
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it also once again makes me painfully aware of the woes of being a dragon age dwarf enjoyer (<- being starved for proper lore) 😔
#cant believe they will just say yeah they have all these very strict rules and structures that dictates pretty much all life in orzammar#(and even outside of orzammar!)#and then didnt even think through how that would affect society and life and everything let alone give us more info on it#lay rambles#literally even the 'children take on the caste of their same sex parent' which comparatively comes up very early and very frequently#and is a pretty damn significant part of how orzammar is structured!#is very obviously not thought through#because that would have a huge impact on the balance of sexes in different houses and on caste and family relations#among other things#or how orzammar is desperate for children and yet if a child is born casteless the casteless status is still more important#the combination of how important social standing is but also they cant let casteless die out because they are integral to how orzammar func#*functions#in general the role of the casteless is so juicy and interesting honestly#or say. how does a society that puts so much value in reproduction treat those who cannot reproduce#and how does all of that affect gender#is there a separate role/gender/whatever for people who cant have children?#would they be ostracised because of it or maybe even held in high regard bc they are the ones who can do The Dangerous Jobs#like joining the forces who protect the thaig against darkspawn or mine lyrium without having to risk loss of fertility?#(but would then ofc be *expected* to take on those jobs)#would it make women be held in higher regard and men more expendable?#imagine if houses had matriarchs who have a lot of social influence and power regardless of their actual rank within the house#because they successfully produced and raised a lot of children#but yeah idk i'm just rambling now lol#dragon age dwarves are cool i wish bioware wouldn't forget them all the time. is what i'm saying
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