#is it attention seeking out am i just taking about an actual experience where i don't know if my feelings are real or if some part of my

[hxlxnaaa]

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧

★ synopsis: over one summer, a whirlwind romance creates an obvious choice: to stay in the life she's always known or follow sylus into the unknown, chasing love and freedom.

★ character: sylus

★ cw: first-person POV, sort of present day au? pretty fluffy, some implications but nothing obvious, soft sylus, may have spelling errors (i wrote this at 2 am)

★ word count: 1.3k

★ a/n: this is super short and not really meant as an intense read. just some poetic fluff about sylus (lord knows we need more sweet reads of him *sob*)

I remember the first time I saw him.

He was so… different from everyone around. The way he acted, the way he held himself, the devious smirk that always graced his devilishly handsome face. He had this aura that was off, but in this perfectly, sickeningly good way. He was something this dull town never had.

He came in once to my bakery, smiling and talking to me as if he had known me forever.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” That was different, no one spoke to each other like that around here. Anyone in their right mind would be creeped out, yet I enjoyed every second; every word that came out of his mouth spoke with his deep, velvet voice. I loved the difference, I loved the attention he gave me. Constant indulging in the feeling his presence brought on.

Introducing himself as Sylus, I said his name thousands of times in my head.

The look he gave me when he learned my name was engraved in my mind for centuries. His hard eyes softened, repeating every syllable as if it was candy on his tongue. Of my name.

Sylus, Sylus, Sylus.

After that, he would visit at least once a day, if not a few times. He’d lean over my counter, propping himself up on one of his arms. He always rolled his sleeves up, and buttoned his shirt to his lower chest, showing enough of his perfect skin that I always resisted to touch.

“Red is your color.” I had told him this after he wore this delicious, wine red top. It complimented everything on him, like a rose in the snow.

“Everything is your color.” He leaned towards me, holding his face in his hand.

“Why do you say that?” I started serving a customer, and I could feel his eyes on me.

“Well,” He started, “Your personality is very warm, like yellow, orange, and red.”

I glanced at him, “Have a good evening!” I bid the lady I served goodbye.

“And your looks are very cool, blues and purples fit you best.”

Turning away from him, adjusting things on my shelves, I asked, “What about green?”

“What about green?” He repeated.

“You didn’t mention green. Does green fit me?”

He smirked, “I told you every color fits you. So green would too. I’m sorry I didn’t mention every shade in the rainbow.”

I turned back to him, and he had his head resting in his arms, staring at me with his usual smug look. Walking up to him, I ran a hand through his hair, “Y’know, green actually takes up most of the color spectrum. It has a countless number of shades.”

“Really?”

“Mm,” I gave him one of his favorite pastries I made, “it's evolutionary. Humans are omnivores, so our eyes help us differentiate between shades of green to help us find plants to eat and avoid, but it can help us find prey animals that are seeking specific kinds of plants.”

“You’re truly fascinating, sweetie. You and all your shades of green.”

“As are you, Sylus.”

As are you.

Sylus was on a trip here for the summer. When I asked him why?

"To find someone like you."

I thought of him as borrowing my heart, when I knew he wouldn’t return it when he left at the end of the summer. When the leaves turned yellow, red and orange, just as he described my personality, he’d take my heart with him back to his home.

I felt something with him, a spark, a waterfall of passion. Something I had never felt in this city before.

There were the ruins, a place where all the young civilians would go to party into the early mornings. Sylus convinced me to go with him once.

“I want the experience of being here.” He had stated matter of factly, yet I knew the tall man was just finding an excuse to be with me a while longer.

I rolled my eyes, “That’s not much of an experience, being around a bunch of sweaty drunks.”

Oh but it was. To travel back to that night, where we had danced together, our cheeks flushed with red wine, or bodies pressed into one.

He took me back to the bakery, and kissed me against the old brick walls. Him in his red shirt, buttoned down and sleeves up, his hair a mess, but still shining in the illumination of the moon and street lights.

From there, something shifted.

I’d show him all my secret spots, just to fall into a field together, tangled in each other's limbs. He’d kiss me like I was his world, and nothing else existed; and with him, nothing else did exist.

I tried to teach him how to bake, how to knead dough, how to remember measurements without a recipe. Sylus would get flour in his hair, on his cheeks, his nose, his shirt and his pants (all on purpose, courtesy of me).

"We have to match.” He’d say, before taking his flour covered hands and taking my face in them, rubbing his dusty nose on mine, rubbing our cheeks together. I giggled and smacked his chest with a towel, before wiping his and my face off.

There was the night where I wore a new dress; an emerald green sundress that matched the grassy hills of the city in the night. He took one look at me, his red eyes burning with love and desire, and as I took a step forward his hands were all over. Dinner was scrapped, and I spent the night under him tangled in the sheets, one with love.

After, cuddled together, a sweaty beautiful mess, he adjusted his bare chest against mine. Placing his hand on my hip, drawing shapes with his finger, he whispered to me as I was about to fall asleep,

“So many shades of green, and I was lucky enough to find you.”

“I love you, Sylus.” I mumbled through reality and my dreams.

He smiled against my lips, “I love you too.”

As they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Eventually, the end of summer came around.

I would have to say goodbye. Say goodbye to Sylus, say goodbye to everything.

No more grand entrances into my work, messing with the collar of his red billowy shirt. No more watching his bare back as he’d stretch in the morning, smirking back at me as he’d trace his fingers over marks on his neck and chest. Life would go back to routine, everything in this town staying quiet and still as it once was. Before I knew him.

The day before he had to leave, he swung open the door to my bakery, a wild look in his eyes.

“Come with me.” He said, stern. The look on his face told me I wasn’t getting much of a choice. I wasn’t sure I wanted one.

I raised a brow, “What?”

He walked behind the counter, one hand grabbing my waist, the other going through my hair.

“Come back with me. Stay with me. You can open a bakery there, I’ll help. Everything will be the same. You said it yourself, you wanted out of here, come with me.” His usual put together look was coming undone, his lips pulled tightly together as a silent plea.

He could make it happen, the man had more money than I could ever imagine. Going with him could make all my dreams come true; getting out of this monotonous town, living comfortably, being…happy.

I shook my head, almost trying to convince myself not to listen, “Sylus, you’re not thinking about this.” Hypocritical, I’m not sure I was either.

His brows furrowed, “I have. That's all I’ve done. Now, sweetie, say yes.”

I thought about all the shades of green.

…

“Yes.”

(divider by cafekitsune)

[just-things-and-mcbobs]

Me: I totally didn't make that Actually BPD tiktok about the borderline experience regarding attention and validation for attention

My self-awareness that's sealed inside the vault cuz I don't wanna deal with it rn:

[honeydjarin]

BRING ME THE SUN

OPLA SANJI X READER

You often find yourself in the galley, seeking the company of your favorite chef. Even when your half asleep, Sanji can’t bring himself to turn you away.

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 1,500

a/n: how often can I write about sleeping? It’s what I long for most of all. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with opla!sanji, but now I can't stop thinking about him!

PART II: (I’LL GIVE YOU THE MOON)

Your feet carry you over salt-soaked wood, up creaking stairs bordered by sun-warmed railings, before settling in front of the closed door to the galley. You hesitate for only a moment. The evening sun glares off the porthole window and prevents you from peeking into the room beyond, but you know the man you seek is in there. Sanji is almost always in the kitchen now that he has the freedom to experiment with new recipes as he pleases. 

When you first enter the galley, it’s with the intention of keeping the Going Merry’s chef company. Sanji’s easy going nature is addicting. Friendly and flirtatious conversations with him always leave you glowing golden—brighter than the sun. His comfort as he works in the kitchen, his joy for what he does, is contagious. Oftentimes, you find yourself at the door to the galley, having had no plan to walk there. You seek out his company whenever you’re given the chance, consciously or not. 

You hadn’t meant to develop such a large crush on the chef. He wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a crewmate. A friend. You had been wary of the flirt when he joined the Straw Hats. His first impression left you with his self confidence and charm but no glimpse of his care for friends and strangers alike. You never could have expected how easily the newest member would wiggle his way into your heart. 

You take a breath, then step into the room hidden behind the door. 

Sanji is exactly where you expect him to be, flitting around the kitchen as he begins preparations for dinner. When he hears the door open, he turns your way, a smile pulling at his lips as soon as he sees it’s you.

“Hello, darling. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He doesn’t stop what he’s doing, but he slows, keeping his gaze on you. “Are you hungry?”  

“Not yet. I just wanted to keep you company,” you say, making your way farther into the kitchen. A part of you can’t help but think Sanji must get lonely in the galley after having spent so much time surrounded by others at the Baratie, but he never complains. 

The other part of you worries that Sanji actually prefers the time alone, and that your presence in the kitchen is unwelcomed. The Going Merry isn’t a particularly large ship, and finding a moment to be alone can be difficult. 

“Then today I am a lucky man,” he replies. His smile never falters, eyes gleaming as though he truly does feel lucky to spend time with you. It’s enough to dispel any lingering worries, at least for the time being. 

You warm beneath the weight of his gaze, heartbeat fluttering from the sudden attention. For a moment you forget yourself, too lost in the twin seas trapped in Sanji’s eyes. Your own lips pull into a matching smile and you feel like you’re glowing, just like you always do when he gives you his attention. Sanji’s gaze seems to soften, as if, somehow, he can see the light burning in your chest. 

If you don’t move now, you’ll sink too deeply into this feeling, you’ll get too wrapped up in your not so little crush. 

You take a step forward, then another. Your feet carry you to one of the seats at the counter, keeping the island between you. Sanji’s gaze still washes over you, but at least this way, no matter how tempting it may be, you won’t find yourself reaching out to him. You won’t tangle your fingers between his own, won’t run your spare hand through his hair or cradle the soft curve of his cheek, won’t lean in to kiss his still grinning lips. 

The evening sun filters through the galley windows, gleaming off cookware and pooling on the countertops. Your seat is strategically situated in the center of one of those pools, the hazy light casting a warm beam across your skin. You sink into its embrace, growing more relaxed with each slow breath you take. The warmth is like a hug, and you can’t help but to settle into it. 

You fold your arms on the countertop and rest your chin on them, easing into a comfortable position. You could fall asleep like this. 

Oftentimes, you offer to help Sanji cook, not wanting to be in the galley without at least being useful, but today you seem to be slipping—too relaxed, too tired, content just to watch the chef in his element. You’re only half aware of what he is doing as he works. 

“Here,” Sanji says, setting a glass down in front of you. “Try this.”

Small bubbles rise from the liquid inside, popping as they reach the surface. When you take a sip, it’s cool and saccharine, flavors mixing to create the perfect balance.  

“Oh! It’s good,” you praise before taking another sip. You have to set the glass down, wanting to savor the drink Sanji made just for you. “Everything you make is good.” 

“You’re too sweet to me, darling.” 

His words make you smile, but you keep your attention on the glass in front of you, too afraid that if you look at him he will see in your eyes just how deep your affections lie.

Beads of condensation have already formed on the outside of the glass, making the fizzy liquid inside look almost cloudy. You trail your finger through the moisture on the smooth surface, the cool liquid dripping down your fingertip leaving a clear path behind your touch, a curve into a point. Reflect and repeat. When you pull your hand away, a little heart remains. 

The blonde chef leaves you feeling like a lovesick fool—as sticky sweet as the drink he made you. 

This moment is too easy, too safe. You hardly notice the way your eyelids weigh heavy, each blink lasting longer than the one before it. The sounds of chopping vegetables and boiling water begin to fade, barely noticeable as sleep creeps ever closer.  

“As flattered as I am that you want to keep me company even when you’re so tired, I must insist that you find a more comfortable place to nap. I’ve heard that pain is beauty, but beauty sleep should never cause someone as sweet as you to wake up in pain.” 

If you weren’t already so close to sleep, Sanji’s words might have sent your heart racing. He thinks you’re sweet too. 

“I’ll be fine, Sanji. It’s just a little cat nap,” you offer, only half aware of what you’re saying.  

You don’t hear if he responds. 

—♡—

It’s a chill seeping into your skin that starts to wake you up. The ocean air isn’t really that cold, but the absence of the sun on your skin creates a change in temperature stark enough to make you sigh in disappointment. What once felt like a soft embrace now feels like a missing piece. 

There’s the sound of something being whisked, or stirred, the only evidence you have that you aren’t alone in the galley.  

You stretch your arms out to your sides, groaning slightly at the stiffness in your shoulders. Sanji was right, your body does hurt. You keep your eyes closed as you stretch, desperately clinging to those last moments of sleep as you work out the aches in your muscles.  

“Hmm. It’s cold now,” you mumble. The stirring sound stops. 

The creeping sense of cold doesn’t have long to settle over you. Before you can continue to complain about the movement of the sun, something heavy and warm is draped over your shoulders. The heat of your skin sinks into the fabric before it is reflected back at you, just like the sun. It feels like a blanket. At the very least, it offers the comfort of one. 

You pull the fabric closer around you, feel the curl of a collar around your neck and the holes for sleeves catch on your shoulders—definitely not a blanket. The fabric of Sanji’s jacket is smooth and well made, the quality much better than most of the crew’s clothing.  

What is this made of? You want to ask. Boyfriend material? 

But where flirtation spills naturally from Sanji’s lips, it only ever sounds awkward and stilted from yours. You leave the words unsaid, choosing instead to offer a simple “thank you.” 

“You seemed quite content. It would be a shame for you to grow cold simply because the sun doesn’t understand how much you appreciate it.” 

Finally, you open your eyes. 

Sanji leans on the counter beside you, offering you a soft smile. It’s subdued, as if he himself isn’t even aware he’s doing it. He looks good like this—he always looks good. He looks at ease right now, like he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Or with anyone else.   

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but for just a little while, you can almost let yourself believe that he feels the same way about you. Why else would he look at you like that, with such fondness?  

“So you decided to keep me warm instead?” you prod. 

“Of course,” he responds without hesitation. “I can’t bring you the sun, but I can offer you this.”  

Of course. He says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. As if he couldn’t ever bring himself to consider an alternative. 

You feel warm again, glowing. 

a/n: I’m planning on writing a second part to this. Hopefully it won’t take too long ^_^

[please1mistress]

WARNING Flashing IMAGE and HYPNOTIC COVERT language

Inductions

Hypnosis, a fascinating and complex phenomenon, has captivated human interest for centuries. It's a state of focused attention, heightened suggestibility, and vivid fantasies. People often think of hypnosis as a deep sleep or unconsciousness, but in reality, it's more about a trance-like state where the individual is actually in heightened awareness of suggestion. Often used for therapeutic purposes, hypnosis can aid in various issues such as stress, anxiety, pain management, and certain habits like smoking. However, it's not a magical cure-all; its effectiveness varies from person to person.

Hypnosis can also be a form of entertainment, where stage hypnotists perform shows that demonstrate the power of suggestion. Despite its many applications, hypnosis remains a subject of debate among scientists and psychologists. Some view it as a powerful tool for mental health, while others caution against its potential to create false memories or its use in recovering memories, which is a controversial area within the field. It's important to approach hypnosis with a critical mind and understand that it's a complex interplay of psychological and physiological factors. If you're considering hypnotherapy, it's crucial to seek out a qualified and certified professional to ensure a safe and beneficial experience, someone like me.

You find yourself reading these words and as you read they seem to take on a life of their own, almost like magic. Your mind slows as you red larger more complex words and you may feel a soft tingle of arousal as you FOCUS on my words and feel dreamy. It's quite fascinating how the complexity of words can influence our cognitive processes. When we encounter larger, more intricate words, our brains need to work harder to decode the meaning, which can sometimes slow down your reading speed. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; it allows for deeper processing and understanding of the messages I am pushing softly into your mind. It's easy to relax and follow the words you read. It's easy to feel dreamy as your mind accepts that it wants to drop deeper.

Dropping deeper feels good, as you touch yourself and keep reading you can let go of any inhibitions or control. it's so easy to sink into a light trance, after all entering a light trance can be a simple, yet profound experience. It's a state where the conscious mind takes a step back, allowing the subconscious to surface and express itself more freely. This can happen during various activities that engage the mind in a repetitive, rhythmic manner, such as listening to music, meditating, or even during a long drive. In this state, people often find their thoughts flowing more smoothly, their creativity heightened, and their stress levels reduced. It's a moment of introspection and connection with the inner self that can provide clarity and insight. While in a light trance, the mind filters information differently, prioritizing internal dialogue and sensation, which can lead to a deeper understanding of one's thoughts and feelings. It's a natural and accessible state that can offer a respite from the hustle and bustle of daily life, and a gateway to greater self-awareness.

You are not even aware of how deeply into the trance you are, your fingers stroking your arousal for me as you read and feel a dreamy warmth spreading from your fingers into your whole body. Aware but unaware that you could stop at anytime, but you don't want that, you want to keep reading and sinking deeper and deeper as you feel arousal growing more for me. It just feels so good to give in, the very act of giving, whether it's time, resources, or kindness, has a profound impact on your well-being. It transcends the material value of what is given and touches the very essence of human connection. When you give, you're not just passing on a physical item or a piece of advice; you're sharing a part of yourselves, creating a bond that reflects your shared humanity. This act of generosity can be deeply satisfying, as it often brings joy and relief to others, which in turn enriches your own life. It's a beautiful cycle of positivity that reinforces the best parts of being a good submissive.

Giving has been shown to activate regions in our brain associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust, creating a warm glow effect. It's no wonder that the phrase "it's better to give than to receive" has resonated through the ages. This isn't just a moral suggestion; it's backed by science. Studies have found that giving to others can increase our happiness more than spending money on ourselves. This might be because when we give, we feel a sense of purpose and meaning, knowing that we've made a positive impact on someone else's life.

Moreover, the act of giving doesn't have to be grandiose to be effective. Small acts of kindness can ripple outwards and have unforeseen positive consequences. Just as a pebble creates waves when thrown into a pond, a simple gesture of generosity can spread far and wide. It's the intention behind the act that matters most, the recognition that even the smallest offering can make a significant difference.

In a world that often emphasizes individual achievement and accumulation of wealth, it's important to remember the value of generosity. It's a reminder that our interconnectedness is a source of strength, not weakness. By giving, we acknowledge that we are part of a larger community, one that thrives when its members support each other. It's a powerful acknowledgment that we are not alone in our journey through life, and that by helping others, we are also helping ourselves.

So, when we say it feels good to give in, it's not just about the act of giving up or surrendering; it's about embracing the joy of generosity. It's a celebration of the human spirit and its capacity for compassion and empathy. Giving is an affirmation that, despite the challenges we face, there is goodness in the world, and we have the power to contribute to it, one act of kindness at a time. It's a simple truth that enriches our lives and the lives of those around us, creating a legacy of goodwill that can endure beyond our own existence. Indeed, to give is to receive a gift of immeasurable value—the happiness and satisfaction that come from knowing we've played a part in making the world a little brighter.

You want to give in more deeply, message me and tell me how much you need deeper brainwashing NOW!

[gojoest]

Satoru being utterly obsessed with boobs since he has mommy issues??? 🤭

He finds them so comforting and maternal, soothing the negligence and being unloved as a child, only viewed and spoiled for his powers/strength..

Thus he finds them so loving and comforting, wanting to smother himself in them/suckle them all the time…

Maybe even help in getting milk outta them iykwim 🫣

(lowkey embarrassed sending this without anon 😭 but love your input sm ai <333)

you are onto something!!!

this has been a hc of mine since forever and i’ve talked about it, that satoru was neglected growing up. but like, in a way where he was pampered and taken care of plenty — whatever he wishes is immediately dealt with, he’s spoiled with the good stuff only etc etc so the attention and the “care” he gets is all very superficial.

he was never genuinely loved by anyone, including his parents and especially his mother. like, if someone were to see him dozed off someplace they’d immediately rush to put a blanket over him but NOT bc oh, he might catch a cold, but rather how can you leave The Gojo Satoru unattended like this, do you know who he is? idk if that makes sense to you but it does to me, like more or so he was viewed as this great asset for the clan that everyone felt obligated to look after and not as a dear son they were to nurse with care, and love, and warmth.

so yea i completely agree :/ that he was never given that deep, unconditional mother love, but the need, the craving, for it resurfaces at some point. maybe this is exactly why something switches in his brain each time the clothes peel off your skin, leaving your breasts exposed and naked. and he gets that very intense urge to just latch his lips on your nipples, and he does. bc he associates them with the nurturing that comes along with the maternal love he was deprived of. this hits even harder if you are the one to take off your bra yourself before the intimate act. like in his eyes, for a moment, you look like a mother that is getting ready to feed their child. and his mouth just instinctively wraps around your nipple — it’s pure reflex tbf and i don’t think he realizes it. he’s just hungry, he’s been deprived of that love, and he is going to take it from you. and he’s sucking with desperation, trying to really get something out of your nipple, while kneading on your other breast, playing with the nipple on it, squeezing it between his fingers to try and get it all hard and ready before switching….

this is why he is absolutely obsessed with your breasts when you’re expecting. bc at some point you start lactating…..and he’s about to get the whole experience…i will lose my mind bye. the way he seeks in you the love and warmth his mother never gave him......that all-acceepting and unconditional love and devotion, this is why he worships you actually...it is bc you give that to him..kdjkfgjsd.....

and omg please no need to be embarrassed !!! 🥺i am glad you enjoy my silly rambles regarding this precious man, he is sooo important to me 🥺

[gazeofseer]

Direction of light to the browns of your life (;

Browns, what grounds you and what burns

You, deeply underneath too.

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Fatalist is term used for the one who confuses the go with the flow to become prone to act or intent and choosing not to play which will keep them under the fate, is a state of your fear, dear.

Instances of yours : You so badly wanted to take a decision about something quite recently but you step back and waited for the fate to decide for you, but you got more confused now that a week has passed because your fear covers non existential ideologies to appease your mind's guess.

You are a damsel but not in distress but in the capture of your mind's vivid imaginary and illusions that seems like a vision but is not, remember this is the world of manifestation whatever comes here is a by product of your state of being not of your state of reactions and idealism, it is birth out of your actual reality.

So there is a lot of confusions now, to clear which you need to seek your intentions do you really intent towards what your presume to be your purpose? Question that bloody dream does it dares to manifest when you will fail or will it vanish like a delusion you just had to gauge your mind off the bait?

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Overthinking is not a disease it is a power of your discipline that flow of thoughts you find a way out of your head quite smart right? Quite logical and prideful to feel right as always, but where do you hide those wrongs, those mistakes, that makes you feel like sinner to do so? You don't strive for perfection, you actually like one, great pretentious can be a great tool unless it becomes wavering, unsettling and making high while feeling the lowest in this moment right?

So much of right, I hear a feminine voice with chuckles shows how confident you are about everything you have, and the way you identify yourself with things, but when you endear it as an experience it's annoying, you start nitpicking, for your thoughts it found a flow in your mouth that you keep bickering, playing to some extent, what leaves bitter in this after all? Is the distance you feel within your authenticity and a convincing truth you lied around about.

You are not sad, not in pain, not in guilt or even regret you are disappointed in yourself, for the way you feel, for the way your head takes over all your heart like a devouring death you smile upon.

You need to really, really stop giving value attention, to your thoughts it's mere exertion of your senses let that go liar are those who say you become what you think, you become what you believe in, you become what you feel like is the mere intuition's guide.

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Shed many scales left my scars, even broken the light from the star I held so tightly underneath the sight of wars I had, battles I am fed with, all I could ever be is tired even with the best of the person, I had to feel sorrow and pitful, like an aftermath I stayed in people but with a different story to state of torns, I don't know anything, but I always told about everything, I lend hands and ears, and get rewarded with swords and screams.

Warrior, My champion how does it feel to be your very own thing? Great right then what is the guilt lying in there? There is a cobweb of perception you have crawled your mind through break that, your giving too much importance to the words of others getting absorbed in take your time alone and chose silence sometimes words must fail you so you can see what people mean was truly never about you but the way they feel, they want, they need about you. Do not get into the play of says and opinions they are void. Anyways you have strong instincts and intuition you either way don't need that.

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[erosauriarts]

Atsushi hid far from the crowd. He knows one thing: he doesn't belong among with these folks. He didn't own his clothes, those lent by Akutagawa. He was so embarrassed, he didn't know half the topics. He was going to mess up, he knows it. He was sheltered and uneducated. They talked larger words, several languages, or had real life experiences to support those observations. They didn't even know who he was. That alone, why should it matter? Saving Yokohama gave him no money to fit in! That's not enough!

To add salt to the wound, this quest was important. If he managed to fuck it up, there can be longer term consequences. It hovered high above his head and robbed his ability to think. What was he thinking taking this mission. He was the worst candidate for this.

"Hey?" Chuuya startled him in his place of solitude. "You look hella nervous."

"What gave that away?" Atsushi replied with a soft tremble.

"Don't be worried about these guys. They're all on drugs, anyway. They won't remember you tomorrow."

"Yeah... Well I..." Atsushi looked down as he thought of a real excuse, "I never done anything like this before. I can't help but feel like I'm not where I am supposed to be."

Chuuya went quiet, before chuckling. In offense, the weretiger looked up.

"You never feel like you belong, do you?" Chuuya said as a observation instead of a statement, "I get what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah." Chuuya glanced to the side, "Before my life in the mafia I was on the street. I didn't know jack shit."

"Imma be honest. It doesn't get better. There will always be that barrier no matter how hard you try to get over it. These jackasses are so delusional that if reality smacked their ass, they'd still ignore it. Don't take it personally."

Atsushi felt the relief. The actually root exposing itself once Chuuya started to explain the exact emotion. Loneliness.

"Cheer up. It is a party - Kinda."

"Yeah uh..."

"Why don't we dance?" Chuuya lent out his hand, "I feel once you get a distraction, you'll feel better."

"Dance?" Atsushi echoed, "Chuuya... I never learned to do that."

"You'll be better at it then the ones drunk." The executive rolled his wrist to bring attention to it, "C'mon~ I know you wanna."

"I don't know..."

"Pretend we're royalty then."

Atsushi perked his head up high.

"You'll be the prince, and I will be your courting knight. Just like that book you read."

Atsushi's blemish bursts like a furnace. His spine stiffed high and his hands seeks shelter above his throbbing heart.

"My knight?"

"Sure." Chuuya shrugged it off.

There is no way this redhead doesn't know what he is doing Atsushi when he says shit like that. In a slow movement, the weretiger took his hand.

"There we go, your majesty." Chuuya cooed.

[virgoilluminati]

World Class

Chapter 2.

previous chapter

next chapter

A/N: well this unexpectedly did quite well and i am actually super chuffed about it! Im so glad so many other people on here like football. I basically wrote the whole ass story on my notes not sure what to do with it but now I may just post it all on here. Heres part 2 of idk how many but enjoy :)

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: none - just the reader trying to fit in

leahwilliamsonn

Liked by lucybronze, y/nmorrison and 120,000 others

leahwilliamson new pitch, new shoes, same duo, feeling good 👌🏻

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y/nmorrison you can take the duo out of arsenal, but you can't ever take the arsenal out of the duo.

lucybronze oy! Wheres my photo credit! So much dedication went into this photo...

y/nmorrison @lucybronze, this the same girl who complained about us asking for one candid picture. 😂

lucybronze one! More like 50!

Leah's excitement about her new white sneakers was contagious as she walked down the hallway, drawing your attention along with Mary, Rachel, and Alex. You reclined against Mary's shoulder, feeling the comforting camaraderie of the group.

"They're sick, Leah," you responded with a grin, approving of the trendy footwear.

"You think so?" Leah's face lit up, seeking validation from everyone.

"I know so," you affirmed, your playful banter echoing through the hallway.

"You gonna wear them to the match on Thursday?" Lucy piped in, joining the conversation from behind as she adjusted her hair tie.

"Of course I am! Now what about you?" Leah playfully turned the attention toward Lucy.

"What about me?" Lucy's response was lighthearted, matching the tone of the conversation.

"You could do with some new trainers," Mary chimed in, her focus still on her phone.

"Hey, I like these very much! Worn them the whole league," Lucy defended her well-worn sneakers.

"Looks like it," you remarked, earning a high five from Rachel and Mary.

"They're like my lucky shoes!" Lucy proudly announced.

"Well, I think your lucky shoes call for an upgrade," Leah teased, glancing at you for approval.

(Y/N's Story)

Inspired by the idea, the group decided to embark on an impromptu shopping trip in downtown Australia. The following day, you gathered at a popular mall, excited about the prospect of finding the perfect pair of sneakers for Lucy. The mall bustled with activity as shoppers moved from store to store, exploring the latest fashion trends and accessories.

Amidst the rows of stylish sneakers, Lucy found herself sitting on a plush bench, trying on a particularly eye-catching pair. She slipped off her old sneakers and laced up the new ones, her face a mix of curiosity and uncertainty.

"Those look pretty sleek, Lucy," Rachel commented with a grin.

Lucy wiggled her toes experimentally, testing the fit. "Yeah, they do feel good."

Leah leaned in, inspecting the shoes. "They definitely match your style."

Mary nodded in agreement. "And they'll give you a fresh look on the court."

Lucy stood up, taking a few steps to gauge the comfort and support. "You really think so?"

You chuckled. "Hey, if they can bring you luck like your old ones, then it's a win-win."

Alex chimed in playfully. "Plus, they're bound to make you even more unstoppable."

Lucy couldn't help but smile at her friends' enthusiasm. "Alright, alright, I'll admit they're growing on me."

Leah handed her a mirror, and Lucy examined her reflection, the new sneakers adding a dash of confidence to her posture. "I have to admit, they do look pretty cool."

"Definitely an upgrade from those old faithfuls," you teased, earning a playful shove from Lucy.

Lucy glanced at the sneakers once more, a grin spreading across her face. "Okay, I'm sold. These are my new lucky shoes."

Amidst cheers and laughter, Lucy knew she had found the perfect pair. And as you continued your shopping adventure, trying on more shoes, sharing opinions, and cracking jokes, Lucy's new sneakers became a symbol of friendship and shared experiences.

As you left the mall, bags in hand and laughter in the air, the group couldn't help but reflect on the day's events. It wasn't just about shopping; it was about the connections you shared, the memories you created, and the excitement of discovering something new together. Your laughter and animated conversations drew the attention of Australian fans who recognized all of you. People started approaching the group, asking for photos and autographs. You observed quietly, watching your friends handle the attention with grace and warmth.

"Oh my God! Are you Mary Earps?" a young girl exclaimed excitedly, her eyes wide with disbelief.

After this initial encounter, a small group of fans began to swarm around the teammates, each recognized for their individual achievements and contributions.

"Lucy Bronze, you're my favorite!" a young boy gushed, his face lighting up as he stood next to the admired footballer.

"Leah, I love you!" a teenage girl squealed, her excitement palpable as she took a selfie with Leah.

"Daly, sign my shirt!" a dedicated fan requested, handing over a marker and a shirt adorned with the team's logo.

You watched as your friends engaged with their admirers, their genuine interactions forming bonds with fans who looked up to them. The teammates didn't just sign autographs and pose for photos; they shared stories, listened to their fans, and reciprocated the same energy they received. It was a beautiful exchange of appreciation and mutual admiration.

Amidst the excitement, you quietly observed, feeling proud of your friends' ability to connect with their fans. While you hadn't experienced such recognition yourself, you were content to be part of the group, soaking in the positive energy and shared moments.

And then, as if on cue, a young person approached the group, their eyes widening as they recognized you. Your heart skipped a beat, surprised by the attention. The fan hesitated for a moment before finally gathering the courage to speak up.

"Hey, you're Y/N from the team, right?" the fan asked, a mixture of excitement and disbelief in their voice.

Your cheeks flushed with surprise, but you managed to smile warmly. "Yeah, that's me."

"Oh my gosh, can I take a picture with you?" the fan's enthusiasm was infectious, and they held up their phone with trembling hands.

You felt a surge of happiness, realizing that you were being recognized by a fan for the first time. "Of course! I'd love to."

As you posed for the photo, the fan couldn't stop grinning. "Thank you so much! You're amazing!"

Your heart swelled with appreciation for the kind words. "Thank you, that means a lot to me."

After taking the photo, the fan joined the rest of the group in excited chatter, sharing stories about their favorite players and moments from the team's matches. You, feeling both humbled and thrilled, listened to the conversation with a newfound sense of camaraderie.

As the interaction came to an end and the fan headed off with a joyful wave, your friends gathered around with excited smiles. "Looks like you're getting recognized too!" Rachel teased.

You laughed, a mix of surprise and happiness filling you. "Yeah, I guess so!"

Leah grinned and gave you a friendly nudge. "Welcome to the fan club!"

The day's events had taken an unexpected turn, but it had only deepened the sense of unity within the group. You continued walking through town, sharing stories and laughter, knowing that your bond extended beyond the field. Whether recognized or not, each teammate played a vital role in your collective success and the connections you forged with your fans. And as you wrapped up your outing, you couldn't help but reflect on the whirlwind of emotions you had experienced, grateful to be part of a team that was not just skilled but also deeply cherished by their supporters.

y/nmorrison

Liked by leahwilliamsonn, lucybronze, judebellingham and 80,000 others

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lucybronze next barca transfer in 2023

keirawalsh @lucybronze i second that

judebellingham no.1 fan since day 1 🔥

y/nmorrison @judebellingham 🫶🏻❤️

The Australian sunrise painted the sky with hues of pink and gold, casting a warm glow on the England football camp. Emerging from your cabin, the anticipation of a new day's training filled the air. As you stretched and prepared for the challenges ahead, the invigorating scent of eucalyptus and the distant sound of waves crashing against the shore set the backdrop for the day's adventures.

After a brisk shower and a change into your training gear, you made your way to the camp's communal area. The rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air, drawing you closer. There they were – Leah Williamson, Lucy Bronze, and Alessia Russo – already deep in conversation, their faces animated and their camaraderie palpable.

Leah, the heart of the team, noticed your approach and waved you over. "Morning! Join us, we were just discussing yesterday's training session."

"Morning!" you replied, taking a seat among them. "What's the verdict on yesterday's session?"

Lucy chuckled. "It was a killer workout. But you know what's even more impressive? Leah outrunning all of us. I swear, she's got some turbo boost hidden somewhere."

Leah laughed, her eyes sparkling with energy. "You caught me, Lucy. Top-secret athlete enhancement."

Alessia joined in the laughter. "Well, I need a turbo boost in this morning's coffee before we tackle anything."

With cups of coffee in hand, you settled in, the conversation flowing effortlessly as if you'd been a part of this dynamic squad forever.

Leah's eyes lit up as she spoke about the day's training focus. "Today, it's all about teamwork. We're perfecting those passing sequences, and I know we're going to crush it."

Alessia nodded with determination. "Absolutely, Leah. But can we talk about how my coffee game needs to be on point first?"

Lucy's mischievous grin appeared. "Speaking of competition, remember the juggling showdown yesterday? Alessia barely edged me out."

Alessia playfully nudged Lucy's shoulder. "It's all about finesse, my friend."

The morning sun climbed higher, casting a golden light on the team as you sat there, united by a passion for the game and a bond that transcended borders. The coffee cups slowly emptied, but the connections made over those cups would endure far beyond this training camp.

As the day unfolded, filled with drills, teamwork, and shared laughter, you realized that being on the other side of the world had brought together a group of individuals who would forever share not only a love for football but also the memories of this unforgettable Australian adventure.

During a practice match, the teams divided into two groups for 5v5 games. Y/N's team included Williamson, Bronze, Russo, and Walsh, and they faced off against Bright, Daly, Toone, Kelly, and Greenwood. The game started off fiercely, with both sets of defenders on their toes to fend off the determined attackers.

Amidst the fast-paced action, Y/N seized an opportunity. She called out to Russo, who was under pressure from two defenders. Walsh quickly intercepted the ball and passed it skillfully to Y/N. Before she could react, a defender fouled her, granting her team a free kick.

With a strategic smile, Y/N turned to her teammates. "Let me take this one."

As the referee's whistle blew, Y/N stepped up to take the free kick from about 60 yards out. The ball sailed through the air, perfectly aimed, and found its way to the left-hand corner of the goal. The net rippled as the ball hit its mark, leaving everyone in awe of the newcomer's impressive skills.

Earps, along with the other players, started applauding, their admiration clear. The game momentarily paused as everyone absorbed the incredible shot. It was a moment that showcased Y/N's talent and left a lasting impression on the entire team.

As the applause died down, Lucy's voice cut through the air. "Ever thought about transferring to Barca?"

Walsh joined in with a nod of agreement. "Yeah, imagine you playing alongside us there."

Y/N grinned at the suggestion, appreciating the camaraderie. "Barcelona does have its appeal, that's for sure."

But before the conversation could continue, a playful voice chimed in, interrupting the discussion. "Oy! She's Arsenal!" Williamson exclaimed, playfully pulling Y/N into a hug.

Laughter rippled through the group, underlining the friendly rivalry that existed between players. It was a reminder that beyond the fierce competition on the field, there was a strong sense of unity and friendship among these athletes who shared a love for the game.

As the sun began to dip towards the horizon, casting a warm orange glow over the camp, you couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging. This journey to the England football camp in Australia had brought you not only closer to your favorite footballers but also to a group of like-minded individuals who shared your passion, your dreams, and your commitment to the beautiful game.

lionesses & england

Liked by y/nmorrison, leahwilliamson, keira walsh, and 500,000 others

lionesses the day is here. 🌎 ⚽️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Link to our official world cup opening line up is here!

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y/nisthebest wait! No morrison in the starting line up! This must be a joke-

fifafan23 @y/nisthebest this is literally her first world cup why would she been on the lineup lol

Fifaupdates Williamson is back to captain us to victory! Come on England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿!

[hanafubukki]

It was one day after club activities that Silver spoke up. They were walking home when he breached the topic of his fellow knight's relationship. He's sure to let him know he doesn't want to intrude where he's not welcome, but he's concerned about how his end of the breakup is going. Sebek insists that he's fine but Silver lets him know that he, Malleus, and Lilia have noticed he's been off ever since. It quickly dissolves to Sebek thinking Silver is insinuating that he isn't taking as good care of Malleus post-breakup, not listening to Silver's attempts to correct him. He is temporarily blinded by his usual stubbornness and doubles down that he should have never listened to Malleus and Lilia about courting. Although he did it for his liege, it would have been in his liege's better interest had he outright refused. He should have known better than to let something distract him from the duty he has sworn his life to. For a few days he avoids you completely. He sees you in his peripheral? He moves so he doesn't see you. You're sharing PE? He's juggling the task of keeping track of where you are just so he can stay as far away as possible. At lunch? He stares directly at the floor so that he can't see which line you're standing in. He later laments in his room, sitting on his bed with his hands on his head, that all his efforts to avoid you as to not be distracted has actually made him pay more attention to you, such as the day in PE when you injured yourself and he made a mental note to avoid the nurse's office (but his mind couldn't help but nagg at him, asking if your injury was being treated properly). It had also made him aware of how his heartbeat would quicken when he did think of/tried to avoid you. He was aware now that the more he tried to pull away, the more he wanted to find you and... pull you into his arms? Hold you in his grasp as you just felt each other, or sit in a cozy chair together and read, or have you feed him snacks as you study together, or feel your hands run through his hair either to slick it back for the day or relax it for the night, or sit together in the botanical garden as he tells you about what he and Malleus had been up to lately while you doodled out those very stories for him to keep in a secret album in his room, or share a broom together in PE where he can feel your arms around his waist as you hold on to him, or help you move furniture in ramshackle to inconspicuously show off how much stronger than a regular human he is, or perhaps he may even be able to spend the night and experience falling asleep with your warmth and comforting presence beside him, or-

His eyes glanced up to the portrait of Malleus on his wall. Oh lord Malleus, forgive him for his sins...he releases a sigh as he stands up, solemnly resolved.

Such an unworthy retainer, he was, to dare knock on his liege's door in order to seek council for his own personal shortcomings. Malleus was at first concerned, especially given the serious yet troubled expression Sebek was making as he looked anywhere but at Malleus himself and that he had trouble speaking of why he came to talk. He waited for Sebek to speak his mind, but it wasn't happening. Sebek didn't know what to say- what was troubled over exactly? The subject was of course you, but...."Waka-sama...I...I do not feel myself and I don't know why. I do not want it to impact my duties as your loyal knight, but I- I have not encountered something like this before, thus I do not know how to fix it."

Malleus made a sound of surprise, his eyes widening before his expression reverting to normal, "Is that so? Well, I am glad you came to me. I will do my best to help you sort out your problem. Let's start with the source. Do you know what is causing it?" Sebek's face turns red and he's reluctant to answer, but he mustn't keep his lord waiting. "...___." Malleus feels a hint of giddiness in his stomach at his answer. He sees what this is about now.

(Skip because I cannot write figuring out feelings 😔)

(Continued next ask)

-Fake Date Sebek Anon

(Fake Date Sebek Anonie’s fic: part 1 and part 2)

Hello Fake Date Sebek Anonie 🌷💞🌺

SILVER Speaking up lets goooo and then Sebek just becomes even more in denial, Sebek noooo 😭

Sebek becoming more enamored??? Wanting to hug you and cuddle you and spend time with you??

THEN DO IT?!?! You stubborn one!!

“Oh lord malleus forgive him for his sins” had me laughing 🤣🤣

The fact he went to Malleus for advice!!! That’s adorable!!! You know it would have taken him everything and he must have been really stumped to go to malleus.

Because of course lord malleus would know wouldn’t he??

The way malleus is so giddy about it has me laughing 🤣🤣

What better way to keep mc close than marrying them to a retainer 😂😂

Ohhh I can imagine deuce and ace and grim not letting Sebek get away from hurting mc either.

Poor sebek, this is due to your stubbornness. 🫡

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

hello, suds :D

i come with six ships for the shipping bingo card (pick and choose which ones you want to do): c!dreamnoblade, c!dreamza, c!awesamdrunz, c!aswesamdream, c!awesampunz, c!drunz (for the first two you can also use the bingo card from here (https://www.tumblr.com/sunshine-in-a-bottle/764332055865835520)

I am frothing at the mouth. God you are being so nice to me right now and letting me be insane. I appreciate you so much.

DNB^. I did both because of course I did. I love your template I Needed To Use It.

DNB obviously got a lot more for the second bingo than the first because they are objectively the healthiest possible pairing you can get here. Look at them. Theyre perfect for each other. Theyre narrative foils, theyre parallels going in opposite directions but forever side by side in their path. It would have to be a very specific universe for them to even BEGIN to be able to make each other worse.

I know because of the way things worked it couldn't be called something canon, but in a world where the DSMP was made in a different medium, DNB would have been an excellent endgame for both of their characters. It maximizes their healing. They both get to be understood at a fundamental level, and seek comfort that they just wouldn't be able to get from other people.

Techno gets to take care of someone who really needs that care, someone who laughs at his jokes and finds him funny, someone who is rewarding to try and make laugh, because god knows Dream tries so hard to be insurmountable. Dream gets that personal attention he so desperately needs without being enabled or placated, or shut down for expressing clear boundaries. Literally my only gripe with the pairing is that its so healthy that I can't go batshit insane about problematic behavior like I like to do.

But honestly the yearning can be so intense that it makes up for anything else. My god can these two yearn, quietly but intently.

Dreamza^. By god this is the greatest crack rarepair to have ever existed in the history of ever.

Its so incredibly unlikely to happen just because of how canon went, but they have so much hidden potential as both a character study and for Shenanigans. They're both admins. They meet for the first time because Philza broke into Dream's server. Philza's son has made Dream's life miserable. Dream is like a younger version of Philza in all the confidence and control and burgeoning power that leaves Philza with both a sense of deja vu but also makes him feel like he's back in the old days, when things were a little less complicated. Dream is reckless and has no self preservation, but even if he has the skill to back it up, Philza still can't help but want to watch his back. Dream's trust is fragile and intense and hard-earned, and doesn't it feel good to earn it? To see this silly young man who endures the world feel safe to reach out a hand to Philza and let Philza take it?

Also the AU concept of Dream being an insane coder with no training VS Philza who actually knows what he's doing and is fascinated and horrified by how Dream runs the server is funny, okay?

Also Kristen can watch them fuck, no notes.

^Awesamdrunz. Listen. Listen. I experience mental illness. I'm going directly to super hell. There's so many things wrong with them, and with anyone else this would go terribly but somehow they make it work. This is somehow the healthiest relationship they could achieve. They can make each other so much worse in some ways (excusing each others crimes) but they could also make each other so much better in others (Dream heals, Sam is redeemed, Punz feels less alone.) I read 100 fics about them and they were all my own. I too want to be an evil necromancer who is consistently loafed on and gets self care.

I didn't mark "I wish more people would ship them" because honestly I'm pretty content with the amount of people who do ship them already. This ship is one part porn, one part crack, one part angst, and three parts kidnapping, I'm not expecting everyone in the fandom to turn around and go THERE IT IS. THE SHIP OF ALL TIME when its such a specific flavor of insanity and doesn't have a ton of canon merit. I like being able to bother my friends about it, and everyone who wants to sit with me on tumblr and ao3 and rotate it with me is nice and good. This feels comfortable.

^Awesamdream. I had to take a break from writing this and came back wondering "why didn't I put that they were perfect for each other." maybe it was for Torture in Prison reasons??? Maybe I was thinking about how they aren't a ship that is perfect in a healthy sort of way, theyre both so mentally ill about each other from prison after all, and Sam's control issues don't naturally blend with Dream's control issues.

But I kind of don't mind that they aren't perfect for each other? I don't think they need to fit like a glove, weaving in and out of each other and completely complimenting the other. Their hands don't fit perfectly- if its post prison, especially, since Dream's lacking a couple fingers- and Dream steps on Sam's feet when they dance. But it feels good to write them a little messy, a little fucked up, but still able to Be Good to each other, Sam towards Dream especially. Not healthy, but happy.

(admittedly, I had to write them like that myself for the most part when I first joined the fandom. Most of what Awesamdream was at the time was torture porn and angst, because YKnow, Prison, but I really wanted to explore them Being Happy and wasn't sure where to start. I'm really grateful for the dreblr discord server for giving me a place to write a lot of my early fics for them.)

^SamPunz. Do you understand how delightful these two are? Do you understand The Vibes that they give when they're together. Listen I'm rapidly running out of braincells but I love to imagine just. In the CKAU the way that Punz fundamentally changes Sam for the better by forcibly instilling boundaries that Dream can't instill on his own.

The way that Punz is so misanthropic, so distrusting of people and so angry at the world and at Sam for what he did. Punz isn't sure they want to believe Sam's capable of change, because in their mind it would be so much easier to kill him and be done with it.

But Dream wants and hopes that Sam can be better if they just try, so Punz is forced to Not Kill As A First Solution. Punz is forced to deal with the an absolute travesty of a creeper. Punz goes from "humanity can't be saved lets kill the server and everything on it and becomes gods" to "actually people might be able to change and become better. I don't like having feelings about this. I don't like having to reckon with my own humanity. Goddamn it Sam."

Listen I'm just rotating Punz pushing Sam against the wall, holding the Communication Knife to his throat, and threatening him. Sam is trying very hard not to find this extremely attractive. He is failing.

I need them to fuck.

[enby-wrights]

(warning i do not understand how tumblr works i have been on here for like two months and gathered absolutely nothing so i apologize if i did something wrong with like tags and the like? also i think i kind of sound like a youth pastor towards the end of this but it’s okay i do what i want. anyways)

greetings marble hornets fanbase i just have some (long) thoughts to share on tim and alex :) i have some Mental Health Hot Takes that are not worded well because i wrote this at one in the morning but feel free to read anyways. also i know that the marble hornets mental illness allegory conversation has been done to death but please let me throw in my two cents i am just a little guy and i even said please

in all my six long years traversing the Deep Dark Depths of the marble hornets fanbase, i’ve never been all that interested in exploring any kind of close relationship between alex and tim within the story-- i think 2006 alex comes off as a bit desperate and overbearing, and i think that would have made 2006 tim a little too anxious to attempt to get close to him. it’s just interesting to think that they wouldn’t quite fit together at the only point in their lives where they would have had the chance.

their position in the overall story as narrative foils to one another, however........... now that’s a tasty character dynamic if i do say so myself :) although essentially all of season three revolves around the conflicts between people as they react to the mental illness metaphor operator in their own Fun And Unique ways, alex and tim are undoubtedly the poster children of this concept. both of them begin dealing with almost identical issues, and their reactions to these issues shape their individual narratives in completely opposite directions. i was thinking about it while listening to the podcast great, more tapes today (which if you haven’t listened to it i totally recommend it even though it has been dead for a year) and it’s kind of a really great allegory for the ways in which people’s reactions to experiences with mental illness can either make or break our recovery. as someone who has intentionally made my own recovery worse on multiple occasions out of general manic faux edginess, the parallels kind of hit me really hard

i’m gonna highlight the differences between alex and tim’s reactions to the mental illness metaphor operator using a bullet point list because i’m autistic and all of my thoughts occur in bullet point lists actually

during the filming of alex kralie’s marble hornets, as their symptoms are both beginning to set in, we see alex alone incredibly often. tim, on the other hand, is always seen surrounded by other people (this also comes down to the contexts in which they were filming but whatever it’s artistic framing or something idk)

tim seeks medical attention. duh. i think it’s probably pretty safe to assume that alex did not seek any sort of medical attention for his mental health issues leading up to all that murder, otherwise there maybe wouldn’t have been murder

aside from seeking medical help, we also see tim seeking help (or at least visibility) from his peers. entry #66 is just tim yelling at jay about how scared he is. and even if jay isn’t really much help, he can at least see where tim is coming from in the future and has the opportunity to act accordingly (he does not take this opportunity but hey at least it’s there. as alex’s condition worsens, all we see is him lying to his loved ones about what’s going on. which is bad.

alex constantly walks in anger and fear. tim doesn’t stifle his emotions (i.e. him beating the shit out of jay), but he also acts logically and doesn’t dwell on them for too long

by season three alex is just fucking living all alone in the woods (which if you didn’t know is the opposite of seeking help)!! not only is he running around in an echo chamber but he chose to bring a gun into the echo chamber with him which is a really great way to become more mentally ill. tim on the other hand has a job, and a life, and people in his life who at least care enough about him to call him and see if he’ll be at work on time. he keeps busy and he interacts with the world around him and even when he’s having to constantly check in with his doctor to make sure he stays okay he is out and about and being a person

and it’s a weird thing to think about because when i’m at my worst psychologically i tend to bring a (METAPHORICAL) gun into my own echo chamber and sulk around in there until i start to believe some pretty shitty things about the world around me

but on the few occasions where i do manage to reach for help and respect my feelings while still existing outside myself it’s a miraculous feeling. i get better. and then i get worse again, because mental illness is a bitch, but it gets easier and easier to reach out every time.

and i think that’s part of the reason why alex gets eaten up by the idea of the operator while tim doesn’t. tim has experience with getting help, and he’s clearly developed a skill for taking care of himself. he just got lucky that his first time dealing with a mental health crisis wasn’t as fucked up as alex’s.

anways tldr alex kralie is my new example for what not to do in my mental health recovery journey also he’s a bitch 

(ps i don’t understand how i got to the end of this rant without mentioning masky a single time but i promise he fits into the mental illness allegory somewhere probably maybe)

[mrhaitch]

Hello hello Mr. Haitch!

I am seeking advice or perhaps an outside perspective on a certain matter. I've always wanted to pursue a writing career but I'm currently taking education due to my parents' influence. It's not really my cup of tea but I take what I am given.

Should I still pursue a career in writing even though I'll most likely not have professional training or education when it comes to it? I've always had a knack for it but I'm afraid my skill isn't as refined as it should be to make a living out of it (I am into creative writing).

I'm incredibly grateful for you response! I adore both you and Haitch very much!!!

Hey Anon. So sorry for the delay - Tumblr ate my first draft and then life got busy.

I can only give you my perspective here, drawn from my own experiences and the things I've seen and heard from other authors.

By writing career I'm going to assume you're talking about fiction - in which case you need a reliable and stable income. I'm not saying that to be mean, or bitter, or to taint your dreams; the reality for most of us is that writing does not pay, and if it does it does not pay well. As my PHD tutor once said "if writing is the vehicle to a better future, the novel is a fucking jalopy".

It took me ten years to get my first publication. Ten years where I wrote four novels and far more short fiction than I can accurately recall, and I went through the submission gauntlet for all of them. Everything I sent out into the world came back with a form rejection, except on three occasions. For each novel I submitted to maybe 40 or 60 agents, and almost never received a personalised reply (I'm actually friends with one who did, very nice guy). It was ten years of shouting down a well without so much as an echo for my efforts. When I finally did get published (short story), there was no payment.

In fact, at this point in time, writing has earned me nothing.

Agents and publishers work through thousands upon thousands of submissions, and only take a small handful forward. You're in direct competition for the attention of a very select few, against a vast multitude - and to make matters worse you're also up against that agent or publisher's boredom and disaffection after reading reams and reams of dreck. So that first impression has to be stellar, or they won't linger. It's a form rejection and back to the drawing board.

You will be rejected, and rejected often. Definitely more often than you're accepted - it can take years, decades, to get so much as a single, positive reply. Even then it might not lead to publication - it might be them saying how much they liked your work but are unable to place it at present. You have to learn to swallow that rejection every time, without losing heart or your cool, dust yourself off and do it again.

And again.

And again.

It's a Sisyphean task where the bolder typically rolls back over you, and gets stuck halfway up just to add insult to injury.

Again - I'm not trying to wreck your dreams, I'm just showing you what's behind the curtain. Everyone is tired and stressed and a little bit disappointed, and there's not enough money for everyone. The love of what you're doing has got to be enough, for now, maybe forever.

So I'm a big fan of writers having full-time jobs and careers. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as you're comfortable and secure. Do not expect the novel to love you back. Its a selfish and evil bastard but you can't help but love it.

[auschizm]

This is just a ramble about medical neglect:

I’ve followed the schizophrenia dialogue for a few weeks now and I’m beginning to have another one of those “oh so that’s what they label it as” moments that I’ve had with basically all my labels. I’ve always had these differences and in some form been aware of them. But one of my biggest difficulties is communicating. I’m not non verbal but I do think I fall on a minimally verbal spectrum and language in general feels like shoving putty through the gears of my brain. So even though I try and tell anyone and everyone my symptoms they are at best downplayed or ignored. I’ve always been hyper aware of how I feel about certain things and have gotten really good at accommodating myself. But that only came after late realizations to things that where hurting me severely. Panic attacks taking me out of extra curricular, depression stopping me from going to school, adhd making me unable to focus in school, autism making me unable to hold meaningful relationships (at least with the people I know), being queer and trans making it hard to relate to peers. It’s always been a matter of my body and mental capacity being pushed beyond where it can go, a break down and slump, realizing and research on my own, and then learning to cope and accommodate myself. It’s happened so many times that I’ve built up a decent foundation for survival but doing it alone means there are deep cracks. I’m so tired all of the time and the idea that I can’t keep pushing past my exhaustion was itself exhausted years ago. I have to keep pushing, I’m the only one putting time and energy into myself so if I stop, I fall, immediately. It’s been a terrifying way to live life. Especially now, my last break down being trapped in a house in the dessert with several not well people, experiencing immense psychosis and ending up homeless for months after. I’m in an apartment and significantly better now, I’m also learning the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, that can’t be explained already, sound a whole lot like schizophrenia. I’m not sure where to go from here, I never really have. I’ve never had proper medical attention before. There where times when even obvious physical injury’s where ignored by family and professionals, addressing anything mental has been impossible. I have a therapist now but I can’t even get them to agree with me about depression, so we only work on material improvement. I’m exhausted, I love myself and I deserve better than this, but I can’t do much better.

Thank you for raising awareness, it’s genuinely made my life easier and I appreciate you a lot. Would you have any ideas for non medical accommodations for living with schizophrenia. It’s okay if not

I am so sorry that you haven't received the support and accommodations you've needed, and I am really impressed that you have managed to care for and stand up for yourself regardless. That's very impressive and inspiring. And depending on the details of your experience with schizophrenia, it might not be particularly helpful to medicalize it. Because as you've clearly already noticed, often the people who are supposed to help you don't actually help much, professionals included. And while there are definitely situations where a label like schizophrenia is a necessary evil, it is also a target that can make you vulnerable to various kinds of discrimination and bigotry. I am not telling you not to seek medical help, but I strongly encourage you to think it through first. Even though I unfortunately can't write you a guide to coping with schizophrenia on the spot.

[yelenasdiary]

I hate that I am making this post but I am simply making it for the others to be aware of this particular person.

Below the cut there are mentions of suicide, nothing explicit but just a heads up x

Please know I am not making this to humiliate this person or cause them any harm, this is simply for others to be aware and to be able to lookout for themselves!

I’m not 100% confident on their name but they have used Alice before, but again, can’t confirm if this is actually their name. But I can confirm that the person I’m talking about has in fact done the same thing to another person & I can only imagine there are others.

This person gets a kick out of seeking help from others. They will tell you how sad and depressed they are, they will send you detailed messages on how they want to hurt themselves or how they have currently hurt themselves then suddenly stop replying, leaving you to worry and hope they are okay.

They’ll return a day or so later and apologise over and over how it wasn’t fair for them to put that on you and within minutes the conversation will shift and return to how depressed they are etc.

I started talking to this person around late March, I noticed rather quickly how odd I thought it was that they would message me around the same time every night. Thursday & Friday nights around 9-10pm, sometimes on a Saturday. They would then deactivate their blog out of nowhere or without a word and come back a week later acting like a different person but the story and detailed messages were the same.

Eventually they deactivated once again and I didn’t hear from them for a few months then 2-3 months ago I received an anonymous ask stating they were going to take their life and so on. I could tell this was the same person from the detailed information in the ask and decided to ignore it and reply to another ask of theirs asking them to kindly leave me alone. I blocked them and the next day I received asks saying that I had killed a girl.

“She reached out to you and you ignored her” etc etc. Of course I didn’t believe this at all so I blocked and deleted the asks. This person has shown me before how quickly they can become angry if things don’t go their way. They got upset with me once because I didn’t agree with them on their opinions on the police force and how they handle at risk people.

Then last week on Tuesday night, after I finished work I saw I had a spam or asks on my side blog (sokoviansecret) saying they hated me and what not, at first I didn’t think it was the same person and just another troll but the more asks I read after replying to 2 of them I knew it was them.

I told them that I wasn’t buying into their behaviour and to call a helpline if they seriously need help. On Wednesday night I came home from work to a spam of 20+ asks from 6:30pm to 7:45pm saying how a “Sydney girl was found dead by family” and that messages between me and then had “leaked” and that it was my fault that they “took” their life.

This is the second time this person has done this to me. So I again, told them I wasn’t stupid and I knew that they were not dead that they need to stop using this as a way to gain attention. I also mentioned that if they didn’t leave me alone for good I would take things further. I blocked them once again and I didn’t hear anything until the other night when somebody reached out to me with a screenshot of an ask another blog received.

“Yelenasdiary killed a girl

She had an OD she’s dead”

This is where I gave up. This person is now trying to tell people I am responsible for the death of somebody who isn’t even dead. Unfortunately I am not the only person this has happened too. I’ve had another person reach to me and tell me their experience and they confirmed the one of the blogs they were contacted from is the same blog I was contacted from.

The blog is now deactivated but if you ever spoke to a blog under the names: introvertedmoths, wandamaximoffspuppup or hellhoundskiss please know that everything they said was nothing but a lie. These are the 3 blogs that I currently know of and unfortunately I don’t know what their current blog is.

This person lies and abuses your trust. I never ever want anybody to feel the pain and suffering I do so of course I wanted to help and be somebody they could count on to be there for them but when I noticed it was all for their benefit, for the attention, I had to stop. They’re made because I stopped, because I don’t believe a single word they say.

If this person sounds familiar to you or you think you’ve experienced this person, please don’t let their behaviour have any effect on you! They are a sick individual person who needs help, help we can no provide.

Please be safe and look after yourself & others.

I’m sorry again to make such a long post but it seems tumblr won’t do anything and I refuse to let this person make me out to be a cruel individual.

[reality-detective]

10 wise lessons from Rumi to deepen your self-awareness

1) “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

My take on this profound quote, which happens to be one of my favorites, is that when you’re in pain, you’re also in a position to heal and change. And by pain, it doesn’t necessarily mean physical pain. But rather emotional and mental. 

Rather than focus on the negatives of the situation, Rumi is suggesting that through the turmoil and disruption, there’s also an opportunity for growth – growth being the “light” that enters you. 

2) “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

As we get older, I think most of us build walls of some sort. Perhaps we’ve been hurt in the past and we’re now reluctant to go through the same painful experience again.

But a part of self-awareness is recognizing these barriers we build and continuously trying to break them down. 

If we don’t, we could miss out on beautiful relationships with others. In other words, our fear can hold us back.

So, rather than keep searching for love, as Rumi suggests, why not search within, break down those walls, and allow the right love to find you? 

This would lead to much more authentic, meaningful relationships. 

3) “Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world, today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Probably one of the most famous Rumi quotes out there, and for good reason. 

It’s easy to judge the rest of the world. It’s easy to think that we’d do better if we were in charge.

But what many people overlook is this simple fact: If you can’t change yourself, how on earth are you going to change the world? 

I believe that Rumi is encouraging us to focus on our own behavior first before pointing the finger at others. 

As a collective, if we each made positive changes starting with ourselves, this would undoubtedly change the rest of the world as a result. 

4) “The inspiration you seek is already within you. Be silent and listen.”

Right now, there are hundreds if not thousands of life coaches out there, ready to help you find your purpose. There are millions of motivational videos on YouTube. 

We’re surrounded by the opinions of others all the time.

But according to Rumi, you don’t need any of this. 

By being self-aware and focussing inwards rather than outwards, you can find what brings you fulfillment and joy in life. 

You just need to quieten the world around you and listen to your soul. 

5) “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”

In other words, stop comparing yourself to others. Stop paying so much attention to what others do. Stop living through the stories of people around you. 

Start creating your own story. 

You see, when you expand the depths of your self-awareness and choose your own path in life, you’re writing your own legacy. 

A legacy that actually means something to you. 

6) “The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself, everything that you want you already are.”

One thing that echoes in Rumi’s wisdom is the idea that each of us has a universe within us. 

He often encourages us to stop searching for answers externally and instead, turn our focus inwards. 

I’ve personally found his teachings profoundly helpful, especially on my journey into self-awareness. 

Through Rumi, I stopped following gurus and influencers, each promoting their own methods and practices. 

What I found was that my intuition is the best guide for me. 

After all, we each have different needs. We’re all on different journeys. 

A guru can help you up until a point, but only you, looking within, can find the answers you crave. 

7) “These pains you feel are messengers, listen to them.”

When becoming self-aware, you will undoubtedly have to face ugly truths about yourself. 

Trauma. Toxic habits. Limiting beliefs. 

These are the pains Rumi talks about. 

When you feel a blockage, or a part of yourself that holds you back, don’t ignore it. Pay attention – this is where your healing begins. 

So as you can see, his quote isn’t just about broken legs or back pain (although you should still listen to your body when it tells you it needs a break) but about healing those inner wounds. 

8) “The world is a mountain. Whatever you say, it will echo it back to you.”

On your self-awareness journey, you’ll probably start to delve more into understanding your mindset.

I noticed that I can be quite a negative person. Although I portrayed myself as positive and happy, inwards I had a horrible inner-critic. 

But as Rumi reminds us, we are what we think. The world around us is just a reflection of our thoughts. 

If you think negatively, you’ll see negativity everywhere. 

But when you adopt a positive mindset, suddenly, the world throws positivity right back at you. 

9) “There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.”

The voice that doesn’t use words is your intuition. I’d like to also share this quote by Rumi: 

“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.”

I think supports the notion that the less you speak and listen to others, the stronger your intuition becomes, something most people don’t realize.

The truth is, intuition can be honed and heightened. 

But in order to do that, we need to start listening and trusting it. 

In your self-awareness journey, you can practice this. Start with little decisions. Try to avoid asking other people for advice, or googling suggestions. 

Instead, sit quietly with yourself and let your inner voice guide you. 

10) “Do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

And finally, self-awareness leads to change. 

It brings up things that might be uncomfortable to face. Life decisions that don’t serve us. 

Mindsets that limit us. 

It’s easy to want to bury your head in the sand and avoid confronting these truths. But as Rumi says, how do you know that the other side will be worse?

If you face these areas of yourself head-on, who knows how amazing the change might be for your life?

I personally feel that with this teaching, Rumi is encouraging us to approach self-awareness with curiosity instead of fear. 

Keep an open mind. Don’t reject change. 

The unknown is always a bit scary, but we may find a wealth of new opportunities when we venture into it. 

Final thoughts:

To be honest, I could go on as Rumi’s wisdom is infinite and we’re fortunate to have so many of his teachings preserved. 

But these 10 quotes are enough to help you approach self-awareness in a more simple, soul-centered way. 

As Rumi emphasizes, less talking and more listening is the way to reach whatever form of enlightenment we’re each searching for.

If you need more guidance? 👇

To get through my Dark Knight of the Soul I used the following website which is filled with many articles.

Using the search bar, search for: 👇

• Soul Work

• Shadow Work

• Dark Knight of the Soul

You will find many topics that I am certain will resonate with pretty much everyone. 🤔

May The Spiritual Force Be With You💫

[boomgun]

Edelgard and Faith

Edelgard's role in the story is really funny. Because it is somewhat at odds with who she is. Okay, yes, I know, we all know The Edge Of Dawn is from Edelgard's POV, so we all kind of know this is a core aspect of the plot, but I am talking about an aspect of the character that is at odds with a role many thinks she takes to completely naturally. Edelgard's role as someone who rejects the creed of the dominant institution of the setting while being someone who cannot stop believing in things greater than herself.

First things first, let's interrogate a thing in Edelgard's backstory that I think people overlook too much or take for granted too much. In Azure Moon we have that scene where Dimitri attempts to negotiate an end to the war with Edelgard. In that scene, Dimitri argues that Edelgard seeking to abolish the Church of Seiros is wrong because many rely on faith in the Goddess, to which Edelgard retorts that she prayed to the Goddess once and received no salvation in her darkest moment. This is obviously in reference to Edelgard's backstory of being tortured and experimented upon to give her the Crest of Flames, to which many conclude that Edelgard must have been devout before the experience and lost that afterward. Thing is, a lot of people in the setting of 3 Houses are devout to varying degrees and, to be blunt, who would not try prayer in a situation like that. Not saying this undermines what Edelgard is trying to say, but you could argue she was not exactly a devout believer she just prayed in desperation, and it did not work. It could be why Edelgard thinks faith is a weakness in her Manuela supports, she only resorted to prayer in a moment of stress and vulnerability and it did her no good. It is a scene that I think people take the wrong point in, Edelgard is saying that the Church does not actually provide any support or protection to the vulnerable, she is not exactly talking about her own loss of faith.

However! I do agree that Edelgard was likely a devout person before The Horrible Incident. I just do not think the evidence comes solely from that scene. This calls for Even More Edelgard Backstory. In the Goddess Tower, Edelgard can reveal that her mother, Anselma, had been exiled from Enbarr, where Edelgard lived most of her childhood, for as long as Edelgard can remember (her own words). Moreover, in the same scene, we also learn that Anselma was not even Ionius's legal wife, that the Adrestian Emperors' have multiple spouses to produce as many children as possible. So, Edelgard has a father who for a bevy of reasons likely cannot give her the full attention a child may want and her mother is exiled. This leaves Edelgard's uncle, Volkard Arundel, the brother of Anselma, to rear Edelgard. We do not know much of Volkard, because by the time we meet the dude he has already been killed and replaced by a shapeshifter for several years and counting. What does this have to do with Edelgard being invested in the Church of Seiros? Back to the Blue Lions, Dimitri in 3 Houses and 3 Hopes uncovers that Volkhard had been replaced by an imposter, because suddenly Volkard stopped giving incredibly generous donations to the Church of Seiros after the Tragedy of Duscur (that thing Volkhard's imposter helped orchestrate). To simplify this paragraph, Edelgard's childhood ward was her uncle Volkhard who was a huge supporter of the Church of Seiros. Being brought up like that does not guarantee Edelgard would be as devout as Volkard, lots of kids do grow up to not share their guardians' religion, but it is certainly much more evidence when in tandem to Edelgard's later statement to Dimitri in Azure Moon.

Okay, with this lore dump out of the way to establish that Edelgard was *likely* a true believer in the Church of Seiros, how does that relate to the thesis statement of this post? Let's repeat: Edelgard rejects the setting's dominant religion, even tells Manuela that she thinks faith is a weakness, but this is in contrast to a core part of who she herself is. Because what does Edelgard do? Become a cynic, not believe in anything, doubt the idea of higher causes? No! She does quite the opposite, look at her! She decides that the Church must be toppled, that the continent must be freed from its influence and social structures, that she has carte blanche to trample over anyone who gets between her and her goals. Edelgard wants people to believe in her and her dream as much as she herself believes in it. She started believing in things more, not less! Edelgard does have a tendency to buy into cynicism, to be sure, her alliance with Adrestian nobles and her own tormentors shows that she is not beyond dirty and pragmatic deals that run contrary to her own beliefs if said actions can give her more power to enforce her will. That is some cynical stuff right there! But, it is all underpinned in a faith that her ideals will win out in the end. Edelgard's virtues, her desire to build a better world and belief in the strength of people, and her vices, her tendency to bulldoze people in her way without second thought and to seize power however she has to; all come from her sense of conviction, her sense of faith.

You can argue this is the core of the Character shift between Edelgard in CF and Edelgard in other routes; the dividing line between her more heroic and more villainous self (we can debate on how well CF executed this another day). In a lot of the non-CF routes, Edelgard talks about ideals of justice, of strength, and of freedom; abstract things that, while noble, make her somewhat cold and inhumane. In CF, the story ends with Edelgard making a statement on the importance of human connection, and she also has a bunch of scenes where she simps for Byleth that is supposed to prove her growing sense of connection with others (I AM TRYING TO NOT BE SALTY ABOUT THE EXECUTION, I REALLY AM). Edelgard as a Hero or Villain simply rests on how much her beliefs are high in the sky or walking on the earth among the people she wants to help. But, neither her damnation or salvation can take away Edelgard's belief in something greater, be it the Goddess or Humanity.

Which is interesting, right? Edelgard does not challenge the preconceived notions of her setting because she is someone who naturally questions, that's Claude who does that. Rather, Edelgard is someone who deeply and strongly believes in things, and when that belief is proven to be hollow, she just tosses it aside and picks up a new one with all the same passion as the previous one. She's a weird combination of pragmatically flexible and zealously stubborn. That's neat, right? It's contradictory, nonsensical, kind of silly, but so human to be at odds with oneself and yet not at all.

Edelgard takes the role of the one who most strongly doubts the most influential institution in the story, but she herself could never be called a doubter or skeptical person; Edelgard is arguably the biggest believer of abstract and incorporeal things in the story and that is what drives her to doubt. I think that's neat.

I could also talk about how neat this is in contrast to her other traits like her ruthlessness or arrogance, but this would take this insane ramble off the rails. So, I will save those takes for later. Thank you for your patience to read through all of this insanity.